#i just think a lot of people dont understand the difference between forgiving someone and excusing their actions

[featherymainffins]

Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?

[galarfiend]

currently enjoying a little crisis about my future and how i can get what i want out of life without losing my parents’ support so uh them

maybe they have more in common than they know. maybe theres a difference between forgiving someone and excusing their actions. maybe enemies can become friends

[ashoss]

i wanna jump in on the bat x pjo au! (absolutely obsessed with it btw… the jason and cass being kids of nemesis……… galaxy brain)

(and forgive me if youve already said in a prev maybe)

but do any of the kids have additional demigod powers? like beyond the good at battle, understands greek, stronger than the average bear etc but like how percy can create hurricanes :)

i might have gone over some of their powers in separate posts but ive never really gone into depth on any of them :)

i don’t really want to give them super strong powers (like nothing on the level as the Seven lol). i think them having small sway over things would be best. (btw im going through each cabin's abilities on the pjo wiki :D)

dick as a child of hermes has a bit of increased speed, im not sure how much though lol. definitely stealthier and can sense traps and different locks and stuff. hes probably also pretty persuasive.

babs- since she isn't a demigod but instead a blessed mortal is a bit different from all of them. @pooky-chan sent me a great ask about apollo and babs and her blessing which i thought was very yummy! so babs just finds it easier to find information and find connections between things a bit easier. as they put it apollo "greases the wheels".

jason and cass's powers would be similar to eachother, since theyre both nemesis kids. they both have tychokinesis (what ethan nakamura has on his wiki - so directly controlling "the likelihood of things good and bad things happening to individuals to even out supposed good luck and bad luck") they can sense when people want revenge/vengeance on something.

(theres actually not a lot to go based on for powers for the children of nemesis so im not all sure on it)

its mostly their legacy powers that stick out- cass as a hades legacy can sense death and can actually feel or see a soul leaving a body. she could probably talk to the dead but it causes a physical strain on her. while not as potent as nico's, she could faintly see someones life aura. she can also blend into the shadows easier. (she cant shadow travel or have actual control over the dead.) shes basically Nico Lite (tm) (i also like to think she unconsciously makes the temperature colder when shes around :))

and jason as an asclepius legacy would be able to tell at a glance if there is something medically wrong with someone and has pretty good medical knowledge. (basically jason is a godsend in the medbay). he does have healing powers, but he probably doesnt figure them out until after he's revived. i think it would be interesting if he could only heal other people and not himself :)))) (he also unconsciously heals people) ((also also to foil cass he probably makes the temperature a bit warmer. like how being healed feels warm :DD)

(tim im a little unsure on atm. hes def a child of aphrodite but i do also want to incorperate athena in there too. i dont know if i want him to be like,, 25% aphrodite or 25% athena - basically his parents were demigods- but im still debating a bit between that and child of Venus, as the roman equivalent of aphrodite has more warlike associations - i.e battle strategy... soooo) he has better emotional insight and can sense peoples emotions. he has a light form of charmspeak thats mostly more about sounding Intelligent more than actually influencing people (like an authority bias. people are more likely to listen to him because he sounds intelligent and he knows what he's talking about- ex: if tim were to suggest someone clean something up, they probably would because well, why else would he be suggesting it? he knows what needs to be done.) hes also pretty crafty and has some more strategic intelligence in addition to his bat training lol.

stephanie i think im set on being a child of Cardea (minor roman goddess of hinges). if thats the case, pooky-chan sent another ask where they went over how broad hinges really were. so steph could manipulate hinges and since so many different things contain hinges it could really be a pretty powerful ability.

however i do like child of veritas (roman goddess of truth). in this case she would basically be a human lie detector, and also people would probably feel the need to NOT lie to her.

damian i legit have no clue. hes the one i have the least ideas on lmao. because for him i would also have to go into the LoA and bruce's parents, and both i dont really have anything im set on yet :p. definitely something with magic from the al ghul side tho!

[writerswhy]

do you think hinamori can forgive aizen? he manipulated and used her from the beginning. i dont see why she has to forgive.

Disclaimer: none of this is meant to be apologia, nor am I trying to speak for others. I work in medical, adjacent to law enforcement/legal, and have personally experienced intimate violence. Just trying to let you guys know where I’m coming from. Thank you <3

Also, this is technically part 2 to anon’s question. I feel like I did a better job at elaborating on Hinamori’s character here.

You know, this comes up a lot in both fandom and real-life—this talk of forgiveness and redemption, getting “over” it—and it’s not something that necessarily interests me because of how it’s typically presented. I think it’s pretty reflective of the space and language we lack to explore conversations outside this model of punitive justice and its by-products.

I like to think that for someone like Hinamori who has a solid moral code and tends to shoulder responsibility for a lot of things—her people, her position, her friends, even the work she does for the academy—she’d subscribe to models like transformative justice or restorative justice. 

I think she believes that Soul Society can one day be a better place but also acknowledge that the expression of it is imperfect and not a one-size-fits-all solution. As someone who actually puts in the work, a path forward can manifest in two ways: one for Lieutenant Hinamori and the other for Hinamori Momo.

Hinamori plays an active role in the institution. She’s on the inside of this whole thing. In the aforementioned post I said that Hinamori can choose to bury her head in the sand, rage and follow in Aizen’s footsteps, grow bitter and alienate parts of herself, or hold onto this moral vision of hers and learn to work in and outside the Seireitei for a better Soul Society. We’ve seen her reclaim her lieutenancy on her terms, so I don’t think she’ll have much trouble there. And we know she has no problem challenging authority. I think she can learn to make the system work for her and her cause. I imagine that on the outside she would start some community outreach program to improve the lives of the Rukongai denizens. 

Internally though, it’s complicated. I’m not going to get into it here but I think Hinamori and Aizen have a lot more in common than either would admit and I think a big part of their relationship was almost like a response to the roles they both had to play within the Seireitei, roles they didn’t necessarily agree with. 

While writing this I kept thinking: who would Hinamori be if she had not joined the gotei (and if Soul Society had other avenues for souls like hers)? I think she would still retain her moral compass and ambition, but what would that look like on the outside? Maybe in direct opposition to the Seireitei, participating in or even leading an upheaval? And that’s a hard pill to swallow, that if circumstances were just a little different, she could find herself on the other side. (Not in the same way though, for obvious reasons.)

I think Hinamori would agree with the following: that violence has history, and crime—instead of a law broken—can be seen as a relationship that has been damaged. A relationship between people, between communities, between systems, a relationship of trust. (I mean, isn’t that what the Soul Society arc was about? Isn’t that what Aizen preyed on?) 

I think Hinamori knows that the cause of Aizen and co’s defection was rooted in the history of the underbelly of the system they uphold. I think this goes back to how they lack the language and space to acknowledge this reality and engage in meaningful and productive dialogue to the betterment of the institution, the perpetrators (because they are and have to be a part of this conversation), the victims and community. 

So, do I think Hinamori could forgive Aizen? As lieutenant, I think she would have to come to terms with and understand the greater “why” of his defection to proceed responsibly. For models like restorative and transformative justice, the victim has to be the one to initiate the conversation and it has to be mutually agreed upon. Interestingly, she was not given that choice when the Wandenreich invaded. It may sound defeatist, but I think this is something that must be continuously processed: for as long as she works for the gotei, Aizen becomes more a concept than a person. Every once in a while, when a new enemy rises or when she hears the whisper of a wandering ghost, she’ll remember his words.

For Hinamori Momo, someone who feels deeply and values greatly, I don’t think it’s as simple as to forgive or not forgive (maybe it’s something beyond that). Aizen had a great impact on her and I’m sure some of the knowledge she gained she still believes in and incorporates into her work. I don’t want to take that away from her, nor do I think that means she’s still holding out hope to one day pick up where they left off. It’s not denying his violence or solely championing the good times, it’s about recognizing that in some ways she valued his mentorship and guidance. That he took up a major space in her life that cannot be taken up by another nor can she wave it away like it never happened. It’s a transformative process, taking something and crafting it into your image, and sometimes that’s the hardest path to take.

But like I said, I don’t think their society has the tools to facilitate this type of conversation without alienating another (like, I don’t think the gotei questions her being there, but maybe every once in a while, when she messes up on something they’ll attribute it to her trauma, which can be pretty damaging. It’s a cycle—she’s off her game for whatever reason —> they’ll think it’s because of Aizen —> that makes her even more anxious and resentful because is it? How is she to know if no one wants to openly talk —> so on and so forth). I said I see Hinamori as someone who is always asking herself “am I feeling this right?” and this is definitely one of those instances. 

-----------

I don’t think this answers your question, anon, but I hope you see where I’m coming from! Thank you so much for the ask. I had a lot of fun thinking it through<33

[melissa-titanium]

uh violence ask game

12

ok . ok. i'm gonna talk about my two current faves right now because imFucking deranged

khan. im so serious .he is so fucking interesting i honest to god havent rewatched md in a hot second but if you think about his concepts & how he acts in ep 7 AND HONESTLY EVERY SINGLE EPISODE THAT HE'S IN . he's just. hes just so interesting??? i don't see people talking about him alot for reasons that are totally justifiable but just once i wish to see character analysis that isnt about n or uzi..

i want to know about his dynamic with nori. i want to watch his descent into depression (?) after she died & i really, REALLY want to see his redemption. because he does care. everyone is capable of change, and even if he's had a few hiccups in his appearances in the show, i really think he can improve. he DOES care. even if he's forgotten how to show it. i find the conflict between him and uzi very interesting esp involving n. because i think he understands n's a good friend for uzi but there's that innate fear he's immortalized in his brain after having to put down his wife who was attacked by the very creature uzi's new friend is.

the guy's clearly traumatized. he lost his wife, he's emotionally distanced from his child, he's clearly poured himself into his work. and this is from the . like. ten minutes of screentime he's gotten. like COME ON. even if you have no interest in him you have to admit there's a lot there to unpack. even if you have no interest in HIM, you have to admit it's fucking hilarious that his pringles logo ass pulled NORI of all drones. come on. i'm also very curious because he seemed to be a drone that came from before the core collapsed... assuming he and nori were similar ages, he must have had personal run ins with humans. i wonder what that was like

i can completely understand where people are coming from when they say they dislike him because he reminds them of their dad. but i guess i have a different opinion on him cause of how My dad was? i don't know i don't want to get super personal about fictional robots but to put it bluntly i don't have a relationship with him. a lot of factors in my life that weren't directly his fault lead him to being pretty absent in my life and i guess i connect alot to khan because i kind of. wish. he w as . my dad ? i dont know. khan is like an exact parallel of my dad if he Cared. so like. yes :) i have a weird affinity for khan haha. mr uzi!

ok. mob psycho. other than my absolute faves who are hilarious & underrated , inukawa, goda, mezato and TOME <3333 ... my absolute fave has to be tsubomi motherfucking takane. i have not read the reigen spinoff, but i'm REALLY fucking hoping we get to see more of her in the spinoff. because. she's so interesting. she's so fucking interesting.

the entire series presents her as this unobtainable thing of goodness, the end-all of mob's goals. this is ESPECIALLY emphasized in the show which makes her (in the words of ONE i think) more heroic in appearance... and by that i mean they gave her yaoiful eyes. like they made her really pretty in the show to emphasize how mob's looking at her through rose tinted glasses, which is such a cool detail because as the story progresses we see her with her original comic design as mob realizes she's just a person like him! she's literally the driving force of the entire narrative, but barely gets ANY screentime... in the moments we do see of her, she shows a lot of interesting traits. but BESIDES her interactions with mob, there's so much more i find interesting about her. i've only been into mp100 for a month and ive only watched it maybe 6 times so please forgive me if my information is skewed.

in the divine tree arc... dimple points out how she's very openly honest about her wants and is not afraid to deny someone, no matter how forceful. she's literally the only fucking person next to teru who was described as being able to withstand the mind control. not even fucking reigen could.

she rejects a shit ton of people in one of the arcs i can't remember. but literally the fact that someone asks her "why :(?!" when she rejects them and she's like. oh do you really want to know? and goes out of her way to ROAST THE FUCK out of this random ass guy.

in the confession arc, mezato talks to mob about the things she's learned about tsubomi (which is gay as hell btw. i know she's a reporter but god damn) about the fact that she appears to feel strongly about maintaining her image. she's very polite upfront with friends she talks with, but when she's alone/away from other people seems to drop that facade into something more disinterested/distant... which sort of tracks, considering a lot of people only want to connect with her because of her looks/the popularity she can give them by interacting with them. that gets exhausting, i can sympathize lol. she also seems to have trouble trusting others / feels like she's constantly got to be on guard. maybe her place in the school's hierarchy is really the only thing she has? i don't know, but her reaction to literally. sneezing in front of other people was so overblown it really seemed she thought her life would be ruined if her friends saw her needing a tissue which is so interesting to me.

EVEN RITSU DESCRIBES HOW DISINTERESTED SHE SEEMED IN OTHER PEOPLE when she left them playing hide & seek as a kid LOL. like she's in her own little world. my takeaway from her scenes is that she's constantly keeping everyone else at arm's length because she doesn't trust anyone. to her, everyone just wants to get close to her because they want the positives coming from being near her, not because they want to get to know her. everyone seems to know her behind her mask... which i know i said i wouldn't compare her to mob (and i'm not! i just find this comparison interesting, she's incredible on her own) but they have this in common from my understanding. mob has also hidden himself away from the world via insane suppression & masking because he had an experience that taught him that expressing himself was dangerous. tsubomi hides herself away from the world with masking I Think because she believes it's dangerous/can cause unnecessary grief to get close to other people because they'll always fuck with her in the end (hence the fucking. sneezing scene IDK WHAT TO CALL THAT SCENE HAHA)

so like. mob's infatuation with her is like him grasping at a life that's out of his reach... when in reality, she's not on a higher level than him -- she's just like him. i don't know i'm thinking about this now. okay. i really like tsubomi.

[jayladfanpage]

<3 LOVED ur jaybin musings, looking for characterization help. Currently reading Starlin's run for Jason (vvv fun!) and then will proceed to the tec issues. Im getting a little confused abt cheer (zadarsky i think?) cause im trying to figure out where does jason's morals lie ?? He says something there abt crooks being crooks and irredeemable ? then bruce told him off?? But now that im reading starlin etc etc I dont think that's what his morals were as robin??? literally feels like the opposite... so confused. Plus ive read a good chunk of tim's robin run and i am just ??????? what is happening its just lies half the time

Any thoughts on his personal morals as robin ? I think I should just ignore cheer lmao

It's always morally correct to ignore Chip Zdarsky

Cheer is probably one of Jason's worst stories right now. It's character assassination at its finest because DC wants Jason to be an antihero now and not a villain like he used to be, but that means they have to change the character fundamentally, which Zdarsky is very good at.

When it comes to Robin, though, it's very open to interpretation. Because on one hand you have Starlin, who really really hated Jason but gave him a very specific and new personality. On the other hand you have Barr, who made Robin Jason a sweetheart because he was pretending he was still writing Dick Grayson. I think it's fair to just pick your favorite of those two based on what fits best for the story you're trying to tell.

My favorite is Starlin's, just because of how extreme the differences between Jason and Dick get in his run. In Starlin's run, Jason is very aggressive, but deeply kind. He worries a lot about the victims, more than he probably should for it to be healthy, but he just cares a lot. Especially when it comes to sexual assault victims.

Outside of the garzones case, Robin Jason is pretty adamantly against murdering someone In cold blood, but he is not against watching somebody die if he thinks they're evil enough. That's exact scenario happens in Batman: The Cult (1988) where he and Bruce stand by and watch the cult leader get murdered and do nothing to stop it.

I do personally think that Robin Jason would be a lot more about forgiveness and rehabilitation then his Red Hood counterpart, but that's not necessarily based on canon. It's more based on the context of him having been raised in poverty. Comics are not a very good source of how a person's environment shapes them as a person, especially when we're talking about poor people. I see Jason as someone who craves community and intimacy and doesn't really know what to do with himself when he doesn't have it. Having Bruce, and with him the entire superhero community by association, is enough to satiate that need when he's Robin. Though we do get a story where Jason goes back to Crime Alley as Robin to give money to the people that he used to be friends with, which tells me that he understands what it actually takes to keep someone from entering a life of crime.

Let me know if I forgot something that you needed and I'll be glad to answer that too!!

[smiggles]

This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.

I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.

But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.

Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.

I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.

But that's up to you now.

Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.

Read more below

Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could. I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you. But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do. For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves. I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most. As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience. If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer. In the end Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.

[night-market-if]

unrelated to my "HOLY SHIT" ask from the day before (i'll get back to that lol), i do wanna talk a lil about Hazel if you choose to take her with you to see Caliban because it gave me pause. And i didnt know if anyone else had brought it up so it's a lil late but

Spoilers (for if people didn't do it i suppose): Idk, i actually was very surprised that Hazel had such a strong reaction to it. Only because whether you condemn Caliban or not, Hazel is willing to comfort you either way. ...As long as she wasn't there.

It's very fair that Hazel did not want to go, and that it was unfair to push her boundary when she's uncomfortable. But i actually found it frustrating and hypocritical that Hazel did not express any issue with it as long as she didn't have to see it with her own eyes.

I don't think that's a bad thing to be clear! I find that makes Hazel a very well rounded character. Often, it's very easy to excuse or look the other way from the questionable and morally dubious choices our loved ones make, so long as we don't have to witness it. It's very flawed, and human.

But, to me personally, the narrative seems to be saying that MC is very much in the wrong for pushing Hazel when she didn't need to be, and that they very much want to gain her forgiveness. I...did not feel the same lol.

It felt frustrating because, MC thus far has had to make very scary and difficult choices to save a world whose people are indifferent or ignorant to it dying. All the hard choices that were placed on their shoulders alone. And Hazel can get angry and feel hurt and betrayed that MC would push her beyond her comfort, because she has that option. MC does not.

But with everything going on, there wasn't a chance to discuss the situation, or even the status of the relationship (because Hazel has distanced herself from MC). So i was wondering if this would be something explored in Book 2.

Hazel is one of the sweetest, kindest characters in the story, so it makes pushback against her choices difficult because i dont want to be callous to her. but then we've seen what she's capable of, and she's not someone to be trifled with, she is not above making morally questionable choices after all. Because is sacrificing the spirits of the alley any different from sacrificing Caliban?

I hope this didn't come off as rude, I just wanted to hear your thoughts on this.

I have been WAITING for someone to call me on this. :) I think a lot of people just didn't take that route so I don't have a lot of readers on it.

So, yes, you are correct that it isn't so much the action itself that makes Hazel upset, but that her boundary got pushed and she is a part of it. And yes, it has not been able to really be addressed between MC and Hazel because there is just so much stuff going on that their relationship kind of got put on the back burner (because it is supposed to be a relationship thing. I think a code got messed for some people). Now, that being said, chapter 12, you do start to address it and that is one of the things that the MC can call her out on. MC can express sorrow for maybe pushing their boundary, but for Hazel to constantly be in support of MC's boundary being pushed and expect no anger in return, is a hard thing to maybe stomach.

I am hoping to have it one of two ways for that conversation.

You understand it. You are apologetic. Hazel responds.

You understand it in theory, but you are also hurt and frustrated by her reaction, just as she is with yours. Hazel responds.

I'm not sure how Hazel's response to either of those is going to be yet because I haven't written it.

But, the main idea of what I have there, while it is going to be expanded on and cleaned up in the final edit, I do think is fundamentally going to stay the same. Hazel spent most of her life with her boundaries being crossed in horrendous ways. She also spent a long time turning a blind eye to what the people she loved did that were not so great. This moment, is far more about past issues than the MC themselves. But, Hazel's anger comes off I think differently than other RO's and she almost gives no room to talk. She hides. She has been doing so for a long time by not leaving that shop too often.

It is a character flaw for sure and one that will be focused on in Book 2. Don't worry, that is not going to be dropped and I think if the scene is not concluded in this book, it will be one of the first that is dealt with come the beginning of Book 2.

Thank you so much for this question. I love these in depth character explorations and going back and forth on them.

🪷✨🪷✨ If you want to support me 🪷 ✨🪷✨ Demo 🌿 Patreon 🌿 Ko-fi 🌿Discord

[chloeangelic]

thoughts re: Rendezvous series and forgiveness

ive had some thoughts recently about how people might react to part 5 of rendezvous when it comes out, ie the final part, and i wanted to share for no real reason

discussions about forgiveness, infidelity and such below the cut

firstly, i want to say that zero iteration the word "forgive" appears in part 5. there is no discussion about forgiveness really at all, and i dont think there needs to be. one of the reasons is that i think the concept of forgiveness can oversimplify complex situations, as well as assign unnecessary value judgments to things. i often feel like being forgiven for something means that you have to label that thing as 100% bad and terrible, and theres no space for what sort of positive change it couldve initiated. this is often the case when it comes to infidelity - which is a whole different can of worms.

on the topic of forgiveness, however, whether its mentioned explicitly or not, ive noticed an extreme allergy to joel being forgiven for any indiscretions towards the MC in fics on this website. it seems like the MC herself can do anything and nobody really questions it when joel takes her back, we can cuck tommy into oblivion, joel can cheat on his wife etc, and all of that is cool and hot and encouraged until joel is the one making dumb decisions. people will literally forgive him for being a mass murderer but not for fucking someone else.

the discussions of morality, which are a huge focus in tlou, seem to stop short when it comes to fictional relationships between joel and MCs. we can all discuss why he merked that hospital full of fireflies, and most tlou fans will justify his actions, saying he did it for a good reason, but any relationship related indiscretions do not get the same treatment. i understand that people are sensitive about cheating, being cheated on is awful, but its unproductive to shut down all discussions about it

just to make it clear: i do not consider his actions in rendezvous cheating, not on katy and not on the MC. the MC feels more cheated on because she has an unhealthy attachment to him

am i defending his actions in rendezvous? no. do i think they need to be defended or condemned? also no. i choose not to see things as binary good/bad - even if i thought everything he did was terrible, whats he supposed to do? be alone forever because of indiscretions towards one person? i know this is fic, and i could write him living under a rock for eternity if i wanted, but this is supposed to be a realistic (in my definition) series, and realistically, thats not what happens to people who fuck up in interpersonal relationships. they move on and live their lives. we all hurt people at some point - its juvenile and delusional to think that just because someone hurt another person, theyre bound to suffer for all eternity.

i think there are a lot of nuances when it comes to relationships especially, and trying to label what hes doing in this series as cheating on the MC/katy, and then saying CHEATING BAD is an oversimplification and ignores the scope of emotion im trying to cover here. even calling it cheating ignores the depth of unlabeled relationships. i think the MC deserves more than that, cause if we say hes cheating on katy, were basically calling the MC the other woman, and the other woman is ALWAYS vilified - except in this case where shes the "reader" character. what if i wrote this entire thing in a different perspective, and katy was the reader?

im in the brainstorming stages of my next big series after love me back, and if i go with the idea thats simmering in my head right now, its gonna be a completely infidelity focused series, about when its acceptable to cheat, who is allowed to cheat and why, etc. joel will not be fucking anyone else in that series or cheating on the MC calm down

this might not be very interesting, and its not addressed to any anons in particular at all, ive just been thinking about it as the parts have been posted and thought id share my thoughts in case anyones interested. its hard to give my full thoughts without spoiling ch 5, so after thats posted i might write another reflection on it for anyone whos interested in my thought process behind the decisions ive made.

[angryborzois]

more random shit on my jjk oc cause I'm feeling nostalgic abt my gojos past arc phase and shit

Okay so I'm going to just randomly put that Akira's mom's maiden name is gonna be Murakami

Uhh let's see

She's a grade 1 sorceror which is pretty good for her lack of experience with actual battles against cursed spirits

she often gets sent to lots of missions cause of this so she's def worked with the kyoto kids before

im pretty sure she and mai would get along- I think akira can tell that mai and maki are siblings but she wouldn't ever prod on it because she already knows from her own experience that stuff like that can be complicated

akira 100% pulls the Sanzu move and pretends she's an only child (except this doesn't work cause people can tell who she looks like despite the different hair colors)

i want a bonding moment between akira and nobara where someone gives akira a nasty look because they know she's suguru's sister and nobara notices this and defends her

adding onto the previous headcanon where i said akira is probably good with mechanical stuff:

ik this sounds like it's been influenced too much by tr (which it is) but she def knows basic auto mechanics and she can fix things really quickly

shes very street smart but shes also very good with academics (just like her brother)

this might seem unrelated but i feel like she'd be a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to weapons, just like maki

i think mai would teach her how to use guns and maki + yuta would teach her how to use weapons like knives and katanas

i think she's better with hand-to-hand + cursed technique rather than using weapons with cursed energy

speaking of cursed technique i still dont know what cursed technique to give her

i think she's not that good with using cursed techniques though (because she's used to just fighting people with her fists) so when she's feeling lazy she just goes the itadori route and punch+cursed energy's her way through battles

she occasionally ends up getting into fights with other sorcerors despite trying not to stand out (due to being provoked)

she smart and she knows she's being provoked but she can't help but throw hands

but that's rare so most of the time she just ignores shit that comes her way and nobara's the one causing issues in her stead LMAO

regarding backstory and shit that has gone on with suguru:

she hasnt talked to suguru since 2007

suguru has occasionally spied on her a few times she just doesnt know it

when she heard that suguru died she didnt know how to react

oh yeah i forgot to mention she absolutely hates cults

whenever she encounters one during missions her first instinct is to blow the place up because she knows her brother was involved in stuff like that

btw akira doesnt know the full story on what exactly happened in 2006 and gojo never told her

i think akira def wants to know answers on what happened though

if she could ever meet the past suguru in her current state, i think she would genuinely demand answers and ask him why he did everything that he did

i know for a fact akira wants to beat her brother up if she could and can't forgive her brother

a sibling dynamic kinda like sanzu and senju but x100 worse (like yk how senju wanted to know sanzu's motives but sanzu just went "u wouldn't understand") (or smthing like that my memory of tr is very hazy)

because in akiras eyes, up until she was 5, suguru was a picture-perfect elder brother--he was responsible and kind and maybe a little teasing but it was all in good nature

she doesn't get why he had to kill their parents

but yeah if they ever came face to face to like that it prob would end up like that sanzu vs senju battle

her memories of her childhood are extremely hazy due to trauma + the passage of time

i think the last good memory she had with suguru was where he took her to a soba place with satoru, when the two of them happened to be requested on a mission near his hometown

when choso met her during the shibuya arc he realized who she was because of her resemblance to kenjaku

i think choso really felt angry for her after realizing that kenjaku was in possession of her brother (yk he's passionate abt that stuff)

choso doesn't know what went on between them though so he's honestly confused on why she keeps acting apathetic about it

[libretitamortal]

I’d love to hear more of your Tony/Maria thoughts. For me I liked their meeting better in 21 and though I miss the light heartedness of their relationship, it was interesting seeing Maria point out a lot of societal issues to Tony. It’s a difficult couple to write Imo

Omgomg i finnally have the chance to go off

They sure are difficult to write i mean with what happened in the fight, with bernardo and riff and chino and then tony going to maria like nothing happened and begging (but not really) for her forgivness bc a womans love clears all mens sins.... i cant be that mad tho there's just something very special about them, for me at least, but some of it did made me mad in 2021 and i'll tell you why.

Well, i'll begin the the good bc i do agree with you nonny, i really loved how active Maria was in this ver, it felt like a different character than 1961 in some ways, it's as if she had more screentime too and i smiled every time she spoke bc she was speaking in spanish and in facts. How she spoke her mind to her brother and sis-in-law and then to tony to tell him how pointless and ridiculous a fight between both sides is bc one side is in clear disadvantage against the other... and bc she just doesn't want anyone to get hurt!!!!!! And what bothers me about the train scene is that tony was always trying to get the conversation to focus on him and his side, and yk what i get it! Riff is his bestie but why is he constantly bringing him up to get Maria to stop talking about stopping the fight.

another thing is that Maria also talked about her future plans, going to college, and doing something with her life (which wasn't something she brought up in 1961) and it just never gets adressed ever again(?) It could have been useful to support their plan to run away together but it just wasn't used because of reasons.

And then we have tony *takes a deep breath* i have a problem with 2021 tony and i'm tired of pretending i'm not. I'm gonna ignore the fact that he was played by *@&#*$&#*$# and go straight to the way he was writeen. It was fine until that scene in the mini market *cries in latina* and then he said he wanted to find a puerto riqueña girl just like doc because???? I dont even remember but thats enough for me to remember, it felt like he just wanted someone like that bc he envisioned the "perfect couple" and thats what it looked like (and tbh i feel as if he didn't change that mindset much but anyway). And the way he cuts maria off when she's talking about something important, more important that whatever relationship he has with his ex gang, is just weird.

There was something else about tony but right now i dont remember ;-;

Now....what i really have a problem with is the way THAT scene on the bedroom was handled. I know it's like the most controversial part of the show bc why would Maria sleep with the guy who killed her beloved brother. But at least 1961 tony explained why he did it, he said he had no choice bc her brother had killed his bestie (still questionable but yeah) and 2021 tony explained....nothing he didnt say a damn thing to try to get maria to calm down a little, he just stayed there waiting for maría to get over her completely understandable breakdown and he was ready to go before making sure she was ok i'm- *flips a table*

I guess there are other things that people smarter than me could point out but this is just what came to my mind first.

Even as i say all this, i really love wss 2021, every musical number is larger than life and the way so many things changed form 1961 and worked better than 1961 makes me so happy. This was actually the only movie i was excited for during the last 3-4 years i think. But 1961 is also close to my heart bc there's something about that ver that is really dreamy (the meeting scene for example) while 2021 went for a more realistic aproach. I love both of them. But i'm a sucker fo the "and the world disapeared leaving only them" trope in romance.

I could go on and on about what i liked about wss 2021 but this is already a long post 😭.

But yeah i think my biggest problem with this ver. is tony and maria's relationship. Everything else was chef's kiss.

[tears-of-boredom]

ok finished life is strange true colors. probably gonna be spoilers in this. so, i dont know if its because i was expecting to not like the ending, but i didnt like it. ended up really angry at the ending. tbh the whole vibe of the story was weird. my vibes didnt match its vibes. reminds me a lot of tell me why in a sense. with the siblings being reunited after both were separated when young and so the foster care system fucked them up even worse. and they can only begin to heal once they get out of it. and they investigate a family member's death. and the character models never seem to actually be touching anything around them. kind of like trying to get your barbie to hold something that didnt have that small finger ring. but the difference is that i like tell me why. maybe its just because the emotions matched mine more. idk. i wish we got to meet izzy. oh and yeah im not gonna even do the bisexual thing.

idk just left me angry and feeling shitty. but ig something happened outside of the game at the same time so that might contribute to my mood too. but man. i didnt even get to cry. and no one even went after someone in a fit of unbridled rage.... i mean,, of their own choosing you know? i wanted alex to walk into the black horse and just charge jed with a knife. and it is so fucking annoying because everytime i saw jed, i was thinking about how happy i am that for once the old man who the community trusts didnt do some horrible shit. like oh my god, i wasnt even fucking surprised when he pulled the gun, i was just so disappointed. i fucking hate that trope. so much. let old people be fucking good people for once, who arent trying to hide their past at all costs. like oh my god, let a main character actually get a father figure into their lives without them being a liar and a coward. and sorry but why the fuck did the game even give you an option on whether or not to forgive him?? like, yeah i could've fucking forgave him for being a bit too proud and making a horrible mistake because of that, but who the fuck fucking is forgiving him for all the shit he did to keep the secret. he didnt intentionally kill those miners, but by creating this lie about being a hero, and putting everything on keeping it up, he killed someone. and to be honest, i would not be surprised if there were more. and why the fuck did they make alex see herself in him? whatever her "gift" canonically is, she did not choose it. the monster she is ashamed of was something she did not choose. but jed made a decision. he hates himself because of a choice he made. neither of those things are less real or,, anything. they are just different. pretty fundamentally. hating yourself for something you cant change, and hating yourself over something you can change. oh my god i hated the ending. and hated how unlike me alex was. despite there being so many similarities between us. that flashback about the guitar, when shes imagining gabe and her at the orphanage. it hit me quite hard. i wonder how many kids have thought that. because i sure have. i wasnt even there for that long. but everynight, when i wasn't allowed to do anything but lay in my bed,, i think i thought "they cannot be so stupid to do this to me with sincere intentions." but,, i wasnt stupid myself. i knew that they were genuinely trying to help with all the restrictions. so eventually i concluded that they're stupid as fuck and know nothing. but they think they know better. the worst fucking combination ever. impossible to argue against people like that. usually they are like cops too. if you make them question the rules, they just fall back on "well thats still how it is (and there's no changing that)". adults love to obey authority and not question anything. and i would understand that if it was just a choice for an individual, but they affect a lot of other people by being like this. young people. but thats just how it is right. adults fuck up kids because they dont want to challenge anything, and then those kids grow up to be afraid of challenges too.

im really tired. i cant really tell if im even making sense. im gonna shut of my pc now.

[prince-tulip]

Im so terrified. I dont want to get hurt. Its not even been a month and i am so fucking obsessed and invested and i definitely want to be, i know what i feel and do want but its like damn I got hurt so fucking devastatingly bad this year that literally killed me, the levels of despair i cannot feel again, i am not strong enough for that, i barely have made it back to reality and its like as soon as i get the hang of things, things get crazy again and its like everything is exactly how ive always wanted them to be right now and i couldn't be more happy cause i truly know what i feel and when things are at its best, god its so fucking perfect but i feel im not able to talk to anyone yet or be more open about stuff cause i feel like a secret, like ill get casted out again..like i worry i am getting kept in the dark so i dont see or experience something bad, like for example they dont have me on their social media at all and i feel weird and scared about asking or getting on there and getting triggered by something and that maybe im just being used for validation and as a rebound because im so forgiving and easy to talk to or something.. in return its causing me to not know what's really happening, am i what they want? Are they talking to anyone else? Do they think so highly of me like i do them? Do they recognize the way we move together and talk to eachother? Is it as meaningful to them as it is me? Its like i know would lie about where they were or what they wang and their true intentions before, so why wouldn't they lie again? But at the same time thats not fair, cause its like i coukd very well be accused of being shitty too and still actually not be doing anything shitty and its like man..i feel like ive been living a honest and decent life, i maybe do keep to myself a bit much but i just enjoy my company and also not feeling like i have to explain myself caused ik people often times feel they have a say in things when they do not..i dont think bad things are happening behind my back the last two weeks or so and things have been magical and passionate and full of conversations, synchronized behavior, mutual understanding, growth, literally alway being able to meet in the middle on something, the dynamics i adore, we are so different but so much alike and I love it with all my being and im continuesly betting on the good things but that first week and a half idk..things seemed really off at certain moments that maybe hinted at things but again i can get very paranoid and of course cant control someone's actiona..I just dont want to throw awayy boundaries in attempts to please and i feel ive done that already in a lot of ways but by simultaneously finding such new perspectives and found love that was always there just stuck and idk i guess the feeling of trust has become so hard this year. Ever since January and in between i felt very used and thown away and lied to because i was to a degree i guess and even if ive done wrong in the past and yeah did i royally do some stupid fucking idiot type shit but ik it doesn't justify getting hurt back and i had to really come to terms with that. I had let go of that crazy person in me that would stay up two days straight crying and obsessing over what was and what is and whats happening without me, while drunk or high out of my mind constantly and go through the loneliness, the guilt, the shame, the loss all on my own in a small room with literally no one to talk to and forcing myself to come as close to dying as possible and finally move on from everything aweful in my life ever and do my best to block out every single god aweful image or notion in my head that i would get, causing insecurities and paranoia that i didn't know i was capable of...im really trying to make sense of everything cause everything is so fucking touchy right now but still having to push through and communicate and understand and love with all of my heart and vice versa I think wins every time and i feel life has been showing me that

[fraener]

2/27/23

im drinking some tea that tastes like oatmeal with syrup in it. it’s chai and chestnut tea together with a bit of milk and sugar. last night i made lamb chili and watched a movie from my childhood. i really liked the message of it, i remember it didnt take off quite as big as other childrens movies at the time and i think its cause it had a very clear but convoluted storyline revolving childhood trauma and building resilience from an understanding that things always change and move and the future may be better. this morning i just read something about children being outside of the time conception of adults and how we force them to see and feel time the way we do as they grow up. ive been wondering if time moves so quickly for us because there are so little joyous surprises. all of the surprise is reserved for accidents, illness, death, bad news. our days are too carefully planned by ourselves- children have most things planned for them and we do our best to give children enjoyable and kind experiences. i wonder if things would be different if we treated one another with the compassion we have for children. i also wonder if things would be different if people surprised one another with joyous things more often as well. it shouldnt be rare to hear that someones partner or friend planned a whole day(only just a day) just for them, full of things they thought they’d like and all of it a surprise. children get that every day. im often convinced i knew just as much when i was a child as i do now. it feels like the other wrench in the machine is knowing too much about people. i used to know much more about the smaller animals and plants and things and i felt more like i could be on their time. less responsibility then or more forgiving responsibility so i could do things at my own time was something different as well. i havent been trying to juggle everything for very long, only a couple of years, but i really dont like having so much responsibility. im not sure that anyone does. i want to relearn surprise and find ways to live in which i dont have to “carve out time” from my day. i dont want to live with time anymore and i think id feel a lot better about it if it wasnt so engrained in me at this point. I shouldnt be able to guess the time down to a 5 minute range at any given moment. i remember some of the days going fast when i was a child and some of them going really slow. i dont actually think that time felt like it moved slower then or necessarily that it feels like its getting faster now, i think im just being forced to pay way more attention to it than i used to. this week some of the days have gone really slowly and some of them have gone really quickly. time passes much faster when youre deep in thought or in rest or in a project. time passes slowly when youve got a lot of things to do. i think it might be about finding contrast or ways to build contrast so the different types of time feel more varietal. and to find people who will surprise you. its been snowing on and off the last couple of days between the rain and the freezing. im nearing the end of the quarter, the buds on the oak are getting fat and anxious, ive been hearing the finches rehearsing their spring songs. i feel very clearly that the thing missing from my life is attention to the right things- attention to detail, attention and trust in joy, attention to time moving slowly. a lot of me is consumed by other things. i want to divert my attention away from my obsessive thoughts and cycles. i know this ocd flareup isnt about the food at all. it has nothing to do with food. i think thats just something my parts decided they could control. i think school and the emotional fallout from being in a big abusive relationship and then several smaller, sometimes more disrespectful relationships has really sent me spiraling. i think i need to focus on figuring out what exactly i >can< control. 

[my-lunaberg]

Okay, Im pretty sure Ive reached the point at which I originally stopped watching so. yay

To celebrate this occasion I thought I should talk a little about some of the complaints Ive seen about the finale in my for you tab because yeah, I just cant resist looking at it so Ive been spoiled pretty severely and also been dealt a good amount of psychic damage. But hey, its about the journey, not the destination and Im already in Advanced Therapy for my mental illnesses anyway

The two most complaints Ive seen are, it wasnt cathartic and it sends a terrible message. Now, I cant comment on the catharsis bc I havent watched it yet and also Im not even sure if that would be a deal breaker for me. Like, anti-climaxes can be very powerful, Schlatts death is one of my favorite moments in the entire dsmp düfor that exact reason. But that all depends on the execution so I'll save my more detailed thoughts for after Ive actually watched it

The complaint that I wanted to talk about in more detail now is the one about it 'sending a terrible message'

I spend a lot of time watching and analyzing kids shows specifically on the basis of "is this a good show for kids?" Like, kids will watch anything you put in front of them bc they dont know any better so I think its important to put something in front of them that encourages creativity, critical thinking and sends messages of compassion good and other things I cant think of off the top of my head. When analyzing kids shows like this its very important to keep that target demographic in mind because what kids like and need is often different from what teens and adults would consider well-written and thats fine. Theres plenty of kids media that can be enjoyed by teens and adults as well, but its perfectly fine for kids media to only cater to kids and even be actively boring for older demographics.

Keeping the fact that kids media should be analyzed differently than more mature media because its written differently, I dont think it controversial of me to say that, unlike kids media, media for teens and adults doesnt need to teach anything. The way I see it, kids media has messages while adult media has themes. Obviously theres a bit more nuance to this, but Im not trying to write an essay here, Im trying to complain about fandom shit

And I know this might be a hard pill to swallow for some people bc this is the internet where 7 year olds and 17 year olds are basically the same because theyre both "minors" with absolutely no nuance, but teenagers arent children and theyre not so impressionable that seeing a character in a minecraft roleplay be sympathetic towards their abuser is gonna suddenly make them forgive their own abusers if they didnt want to do that before or make them blind or to IRL abuser or whatever man, I dont even really know what exactly the concern is. Like, idk how to tell you this but the line between fiction and reality is not that thin and if the media someone consumes affects them that much theyre either very young or there are some underlining issues that storytellers are not obligated to account for.

Not to mention that dsmp is a story told from a bunch of different perspectives by a bunch of unreliable narrators who are all varying levels of shitty. Like, in kids shows the protagonists and the non-anatgonist supporting characters are role models and vehicles to teach messages, that doesnt fucking apply here, theyve literally made jokes about everyone being an unreliable narrator i dont know why anyone would think this is the kind of series where theyre actively trying to impart some kind of lesson, its literally Fucked Up Shit Happens feat, Fucked Up People: The Minecraft Roleplay

To end this weird long rant, Id like to say that I do understand why people would be upset with the ending (from the details I was able to gleam anyway) and as much as I think complaining about the 'bad message' is invalid and frankly kindof weird, being upset is still totally fine and valid.

Also, if you'd like to discuss this with me I'd appreciate it if you didnt spoil me any further. Like yeah, I already know the broad strokes but I'd still like to have a semi-'organic' experience watching this yknow

Anyway, have a nice day

[r0mantic-h0micide]

i wish i had the skills to sort my feelings out better. im feeling very confused because i don't understand whats going on with me.

i thought that, for the most part, i was over jake and moving on. but this last week or so, i keep thinking about him.

for a long time, i always figured therapy couldnt really help me. but now, im thinking maybe it can. maybe an outside person will be able to help me understand all these feelings ive been having lately.

i feel like im pretty good at telling the difference between bpd thoughts and valid/rational thoughts. but now im just so unsure of everything. i know im trying my best and i know thats all i can do.

idk. i dont know what the point in saying all this is. i wish i had someone to talk to about this stuff that isnt just going to say "it be like that sometimes" and then steer the conversation in a new direction. sometimes its okay to say "it is what it is" and move on, but i want to talk to someone that wants to listen.

its times like these when i really really wish i had a mother. one that cared. one that listened. one that didnt stress me out every time she opened her god damn mouth. i need guidance in the worst way and i have no one to turn to.

im grateful for a lot of people in my life. i know that other people have had it way worse than me. and im trying really hard to keep a positive attitude about work and actually becoming and adult- even if i feel embarrassed about my late start. but sometimes i just wish things were entirely different.

im so frustrated and disappointed in myself. and i just want someone to tell me that its okay to feel this way and that i'll figure it out. i dont mind being alone, its just that sometimes being alone is really really hard. thats probably the most frustrating thing in the world- its probably why im do disappointed in myself.

i want to forgive myself for being stupid and naive and young. but im having such a hard time doing it because since when am i stupid and naive? i knew every choice i made was the wrong one and i did it anyway. i did it to myself and i deserve every shitty thing thats going on. im so angry at myself for sitting and doing nothing while i made bad decisions.

i was trying so hard to be an adult that i forgot im still a kid. i hate that ive put myself in this position. because i knew what i was doing. im so self aware and yet still so god damn dumb.

i wont blame myself for nathan. maybe a little for staying as long as i did. but i was barely a teenager. but i knew what i was walking into with zachariah and i didnt care. i knew i shouldnt have been talking to him, but i did it anyway. i knew jake didnt care for me the way i cared for him. i knew he was done before things even started. and still, i told him i wanted to get married. i knew getting married was a bad idea but i wanted it and i got it and look at where i am now. to a fault, i am persistent. to a fault, i chase after what i want until i get it, no matter who or what gets hurt in the process.

being around me has probably got to be one of the most draining things a person can experience. i just dont know how to change.

this post is about a million different things but im glad that i got my feelings out. even if theyre incoherent.

i know that nothing in life is certain, but i hope that one day im able to see things more clearly.