#i just started my period and everything feels like a lot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twinksintrees · 7 months ago

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what if i never get to live the life i want

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emometalhead · 25 days ago

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#just a little mental health check in mostly for myself just to write it down #I'm in a weird place #in some regards I've been doing really well lately #I've been more social which always does wonders for my mental health #on the other hand a couple weeks ago I was home alone for a couple days and I was so stir crazy I almost couldn't handle it #I've actually been happy with my body for the last few months and I haven't had any anxiety about food nor have I attempted any restrictions #that's been a big bonus #I'm having a lot of trouble with decisions lately. I'm second guessing everything to a stressing degree #I feel like a bad person for reasons I can't totally pinpoint. like I think I'm manipulating everyone but to what end I can't tell #and there's a part of me that knows this is irrational but I can't shake it #it's so weird being aware that I'm doing so well in many regards #but I'm also able to feel myself slipping into types of paranoia that I know I'm suseptible to #today's been better but for the last few days my heart rate has been noticeably high (which says a lot because it is generally high)#it's caused unease #I don't know if I really have a point to typing any of this out #I'm feeling fine overall. I'm happy with my life right now. I have plenty of things to look forward to in the near and further future #I can just tell something is a little off and I think it might be beneficial to my future self to write this out for sake of timeline #I really need to start tracking my period because it totally might be that. or you know. I have OCD and anxiety is just a part of my life #who knows. it could be a mix or nothing or everything #I don't think anyone's reading this whole thing lol but if anyone does I do want to leave the reassurance that I'm fine and I'll be fine #like I said. just keeping an eye on myself.#oh I thought of another positive thing! I've been way less freaked out about chemicals lately! that's a nice note to end this on!#ashley rambles

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moonchild-in-blue · 2 months ago

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I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙

(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)

#sometimes i forget i'm a painter lol #this is just the base so i'll still add some cool stuff (colours and some gold leaf details hehe)#usually my thing is more flat/less busy painting (with more mixed media) but i've been digging this vibe lately #my art account is completely wiped cus i private everything earlier this year (same with personal)#but i wanna start posting again. not just old stuff but actually *make* something new everyday #like a little challenge i suppose #since i'm not currently working in my field and have being going through a bit of a rough adjustment period about ✨things✨#(plus the whole depresh spiraling)#i barely have been making any art at all that isn't just sketches/silly stuff #i miss painting. i miss making murals and working on an actual project etc #now that *some * things have been settled AND i finally have my own space i feel a lot more keen on working on it #i know i hardly ever talk about that part of my private life cus i do wanna keep it somewhat separate from here #but i guess i'm in a good mood and kinda ready to admit some stuff #??? that didn't make sense #i'm feeling hopeful for next year and have a semblance of a plan. That's what I meant there you go #i can already feel myself cringe cus everytime i share these type of things something ALWAYS bites my ankles #and that's why i hardly ever share anything at all with anyone ever until it actually is done or underway #which is! not good! i'm aware! but. ya know #ANYWAYS. rant over. look at the pretty colours and ignore my rambles #hmmmm my band crush guy (platonic) (guess who) (🕊️🥁) said my name and loved my super insightful question and i'll probably dream about it #(and the other really liked it too. MY BABE. it was kinda silly so very unexpected)#(okay i think this is buried deep enough to not make myself look like a 12 with a stupid crush) (hehehehehe)#darya does art #<- sure in the art tag it goes #blue #(it was a coincidence! i've never done anything exclusively blue before actually!) (in this capacity i mean)#traditional art #abstract painting

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forcebookish · 6 months ago

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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.

#rum.txt #i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr #i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do #so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for #(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol #i also use it for recipes sigh #but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes #i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning #i also have to start actually getting up in the morning #i think that's the main thing #ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed #it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late #and not like. almost 3 am like now #one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF #and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF #because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF #(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there #and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF #so i don't know where all the STUFF would go #and every job i apply to sucks #and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio #so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about #every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now #AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up #but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue

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yoohyeon · 3 months ago

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I should be asleep I’ll hate myself tomorrow, but while I’m preparing myself to go to sleep I remembered the dream I had last night and remembered that I thought in my dream that it would make a good story but now I don’t remember anything and I’m mad fbskndjd I haven’t write in so long, especially with characters that aren’t my long time ocs or fanfic it would have been good to think about something new but yeah 🥲

#i just remember there was 3 girls #and for once I don’t think I was one ??? I feel like I was mostly watching #i remember romance a lot of it ????#like evil vs good a lot also some powers maybe vampires ????? one girl I think ????#also what guy would they chose between 2 each but at the end it wasn’t the case I was only imagining one guy #now you will say but Alex that’s a lot you remember #a kiss and a school sitting is not enough to remember what was happening 😭 kfbskdns #I’ll try to remember more or take what I remember and have fun with it ckdbjxbdjd #anyway now I’m going to sleep I’m waking up in 4 hours 🤪#my dad better be in a good mood cause I probably won’t (period + lack of sleep is NOT a good mix kfbskdns)#he usually is on Sundays when we work together I think he put aside everything we usually fight about cause he has to pay me so if he makes #me cry I won’t be a good help fkdbdjd #also he already paid me in advance cause he wanted to #be sure he dosen’t use the money by accident ckbdjdjd #Idk what I’m doing with my calculation but I’m suppose to have 200$ a month but I feel like I never have enough money ????#cause I don’t have a lot left enough for my phone at least ????#(because it’s 50$ each Sunday)#oh wait now I rememeber Sowon’s food 😐 80 freaking dollars 😭#but at least I won’t have to buy one until like January maybe even February 😭#but she need this type of food or her stomach hurts :( (and something else that is nasty bdjsbs)#that’s why I start taking commissions to at least be sure to pay for pills if I get like one commission a month 💙#anyway good night !#alex.txt

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francisforever2014 · 4 months ago

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i know periods of loneliness come and go and i know that it’s Okay!!!! or whatever but also i’m really sick of it lmfao and it feels like it’s lasting Too Long this time and i really want a change but also every time this has changed i’ve just ended up feeling lonely in different ways . does anybody know what to do about this

#like it’s not about being ‘friendless’ tho ofc that’s been a factor at times #it’s that even when this isn’t a factor i still feel like it’s useless and that i’m just as lonely as i was when i was alone #like DAMN maybe i’m the problem fr and i’ve found the few people in my life that will ever love me #and that’s all i get.#okay DEEP BREATH. IM ONLY TWENTY. IM ONLY TWENTYYYYYYY #but u know what. when you’ve felt this way for almost half your life . through periods of friendlessness and periods of being surrounded #by friends. it’s real hard to believe that it will ever go away fully.#like what if it doesn’t matter and it’s just me. and i’m not the kind of person that gets to feel any way but this . but whatever i think #it’s actually chill #*through gritted teeth* i’m only twenty.#and i never mean to sound ungrateful for the people i do have bc i really feel lucky in a lot of ways . but 1) they’re all far away #and 2) it’s really easy for that to feel like that’s not enough when i’m seemingly surrounded by people who are just so natural at #connecting with people . when i had to fight and claw my way towards every meaningful thing that’s ever happened to me #and i’m sure that’s not fair but i mean….. you can only feel on the outside of everything for so long before you start to believe that it’s #your fault and that it’s where you belong . but no i’m chill #i’m CHILL.

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kohakhearts · 6 months ago

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this wip wednesday i bring you nothing. again

#taylor.txt #next week…? who knows #im almost done multiple very short fics but my brain feels stuck in a ditch lately #not exclusive to writing as it turns out. this weekend my goal is to do a big deep clean and hopefully that settles me #i think ive been carrying a lot of stress for most of this year because of my ongoing infestation and its starting to get to me lol #also the janitor of my building came in and sprayed pesticides again and he took out my kitchen drawers but didnt put them back. again #and moved my couch and put stuff on my counters on the table and yeah. thats not actually like allowed. per my lease #but its already such a fight just to get something done about it so. sigh #so yeah anyway the hope is that clean organized apartment = clean organized life = more brainpower for writing #will it happen that way? to be seen. but god i hope so because i feel crazy when i dont write for long periods #and with the roaches and everything i feel crazy anyway. also yes i’m planning to move but thats also a lot of brainpower i dont have rn lol

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mossy-paws · 7 months ago

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when are asks returning PLEASE?

sooner or later :’DD, I’ve just been very very burned out with both social interaction and art recently, they’ll probably be back when I get back into school since summer has really REALLY left me in the gutters,,, I’ll answer yalls silly asks someday! I don’t delete asks really for any reason unless they go against my rules so I’ll answer them eventually when I get my motivation to do stuff back!

#Yes this includes the silly ones #Yeaaaaaaaa #my motivation for everything just has not been living it recently #I’ll try to get to some eventually but I’ve been in the gutters mental health wise so after I feel a bit better and school starts up again #I’ll have a lot more motivation to do stuff #Summer is also like. My recharge from EVERYTHING period including online interactions in some cases so it can get a bit nerve wracking for #Me To answer so many asks a day!#Not to say that I’m discouraging any asks and such though :DD! A lot of them still do make me very happy #I just don’t have the energy to answer them if that makes sense #I’ll also have some art today for you guys as well #Nothing big- just a small thing that people seemed to like a lot #Cro chatter

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mieczyhale · 11 months ago

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i didn't think i could get any more useless and my ocd really said "bet"

#i can't just do things #it took me over an hour to get from the bathroom to our bedroom and its less than 10 steps away for a normal person #less than 8 #it is right fucking there #my feet went numb #today was the worst day yet since things started going south and that's impressive in the worst way #everything is a ritual or has a ritual and i havent even attempted my homework for exposure therapy #i had lots of rituals and rules and shit before 2023 - it was constant - but in a way where my brain was nonstop but i at least had some #kind of... idk.. not control but it had periods of time where it was more tolerable?? calmer??#i have not known peace in months #mentally but also physically #i feel like screaming and crying and ripping my hair out and clawing my skin off and-#i had more i was gonna say but i literally cant #maison speaks #ocd

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kellystar321 · 2 years ago

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#periodical life updates #man the second artfight ends someone remind me to start working on my selfship blog FOR REAL. i keep putting it off but i have so many #things to post about my little f/os oguhg </3 wanna make it look all pretty first and draw all the little things for it :>#anyway hi happy artfight!! my drawing tablet broke </3 im working on attacks with my sib's tablet. i am trying very hard.#i have some things queued to post though its mostly easy things and things i already had tags for in my drafts #im so. tired. feeling a little inadequate because it feels like i cant keep up with anything. im behind on af attacks and talking to people #and my queue and sht (i have so many drafts) and i want to do everything and im gwaughhh that i cant #but i know its just ''dont trust anything after 9 pm'' thoughts. im doing well. im making progress. i literally made a spreadsheet and can #visibly track the progress im making. im working on 25+ attacks. im trying. i give myself a lot of work and im doing my best #almost 4 am oh no! still gotta brush my teeth; thats why im still awake really otherwise id be snork mimimi-ing it up <3 #changed my discord avatar to an attack my friend moss drew for me <3 its of my boy stickers i love him!!#tomorrow im gonna work on a background for one of my animated pieces maybe <3 #hm... do i have any other updates... man i guess thats it :P #i love you <33 hope you're all well <3

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pissjesus · 1 year ago

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Repeating the mantra “for every ‘it’s so over’ there is an equal ‘we’re so back’” every time it’s 1am and I finish a drawing and lament that I’m deeply uninspired and I’m losing the one thing I’ve always enjoyed. When inevitably a few days later I’ll come up with something. Repeat cycle

#combination of realizing I have no idea what to get/make *anyone* for Christmas #knowing I will have no money by the end of the month cuz my jobs are fake and I don’t get pto #and the ever increasing realization I am mad at a lot of things #I miss having constant ideas and being inspired by everything. now I’m just like god damnit I have to find something to gnaw on #to distract from the Sisyphusian boredom of making money just to buy groceries and pay rent and barely have fun #or I started my period and it’s 1am and I’ll feel like I’ve never had a problem in my life in 2 days

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kenzan-kiwami · 1 year ago

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2 weeks into my new job and it's already driving me absolutely stir crazy but my adachi jacket arrived today and everything is alright (for the moment)

#as much as i love the work my colleagues are doing & wish i had them when i was in school #i can tell already i'm definitely not going to get any happier in this role and i probably shouldn't be pretending everything is fine lol #(which applies to a lot of aspects of my life right now frankly)#it's just the telling people and doing something about it part that's difficult.#especially when your boss has been waiting for you to start since september #haha...#anyway this jacket is actually really warm? i thought i'd have problems wearing it through winter but it's way thicker than my army jacket #and i still have my green parka (ha) for the really cold days #very happy with this it feels like shitscram came early #well that's your... uh... periodic life update #i don't like to get too personal here but it's nice to have something good happen for once yknow #me

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kkujo · 1 year ago

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also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling

#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and.#idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good #and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that #bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right'#i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy #etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing #over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two #so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller #and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc #the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence #by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body #it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body.#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it #& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn #it's cliche but very very true #anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!!#i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident #ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself.#i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk #ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too #i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself #the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture #it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it #but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community #so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it #but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that #it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic 😭😭 but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily #like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself #bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus #but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with

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notagaybastard · 1 year ago

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I think I am finally In love

#this is kinda weird but whenever i had a crush on someone it was just like #i would only think about them when i was almost falling asleep at 4 am and during the day they mesnt nothing to me #and now i dream about him and i think about him during every period of the day #and when he says bye to me after class or just look at me and say “schmidt :D” or stands in front of me #in a line i have to hold myself so i won't start crying and hug him because we don't have inyimacy at all #and i miss it so much when we did every project together and everyday he asked me if i was allright and i should have told him the truth #and months ago he asked me to do a project with him again but that one friend of mine who i recently stopped talking with told him that #i was already doing the project with her #an obviously lie #and he never texted me again #and i have never been jealous but i noticed hes been talking a lot to her and he barely talks to me and he doesnt know she lies all the tim #about everything and he doesnt know i wanted to accept his feelings last march but i couldn't even get out of bed that would've hurt him #and i still think i would hurt him but i want him more than ever #and hes everything i want and everything i want to be and look #and he is smart as fuck and he is funny but never offends anyone with his jokes and he never offended anyone actually #he is the sweetest person to ever exist #and my mom and aunt adore him #and who doesnt?#it hurts so bad that he isnt in love with me again and i want to work out things and i want to be good for him #last year he dated like 3 people but hes been single for almost the whole year and if he starts dating someone again #before i manage to get better ill be so sad #and i need him i need him i love his thin arms and i need him to wrap me with then and i need to rest my head on his shoulder #and i want to play minecraft with him like we used to and i want him to know i like him but i cant do it all of sudden #i need to be friends with him again but i have no idea how #i need him to like #i changed so much in the last year he probably thinks im weird and stupid but he won't say it because he is the coolest person ever #and he is so pretty and i want to adjust his glasses and kiss his hands #and i want to ask him if hes ok too #and i want to make him feel better #and i want to sit next to him

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phagodyke · 1 year ago

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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever #and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved #and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad #like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause #unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided #to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also #but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee #i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested #man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading #and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier #and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago #and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man #u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever #insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc #ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone #gn #.vent

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rosicheeks · 1 year ago

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Sending all the best wishes to you and your family hun <3 I'm sure that everything will be ok. All the hugs for you

#the biggest hug for you 🥺#thank you so much lovely #I really appreciate it #my mom just got back from the ER #looks like tests came back negative (whatever that means)#she got some meds for the pain so really hope they help #just feel bad it’s hitting her a lot harder than it’s hitting me #today is the first day I’m starting to feel like myself again tbh #I’m just having tummy problems but I mainly blame my period for that #cause man oh man #I sure love my period #(sarcastic)#I just feel really bad that my parents had to wait for the doctor for #……#they got there at like 3ish I think and didn’t get to see the doctor until 8ish???#5+ hours of waiting??#just for them to be like ‘it’s negative. here’s some pills. bye’#thank you again for everything #you are so amazing 🥺🥰💖#ask #lovely mutuals

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