#i just really admire his work
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Did y'all know that the creator of the Dothraki, High Valyrian, etc languages is on tumblr? Did y'all know he also worked on Shadow and Bone and The Witcher and Dune and a bunch of other tv shows, films, and assorted media? You can go follow him @dedalvs
#this has been an unsponsored endorsement for david j peterson#i just really admire his work#i've been semi-following his youtube series creating conlangs for animals#which is really fun#game of thrones#house of the dragon#shadow and bone#dune#the witcher#conlang#finn's flailings
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Teyvat's "Most Down Bad" Award Goes to Alhaitham for a Second Year Running
Seeing everyone making fun of Alhaitham for his "stalkerish" tendencies in this event is funny, because I feel like a lot of people missed that "Be literally everywhere Kaveh is" has been Alhaitham's MO from the day Kaveh appeared in the game.
From only grabbing his house keys after Kaveh returned from the desert (he couldn't have had both sets of keys at the end of the Archon Quest unless he went home and got Kaveh's copy) to ditching conversations to get back to his house only after Kaveh came home, to showing up without any warning or explanation in Kaveh's hangout with some ridiculous excuse about hearing his voice through noise-cancelling headphones... Refusing to offer any help in the Temple of Silence story quest other than staying in the library with Kaveh...
Since when does Alhaitham willingly cover anyone else's duties?
But this trend of "Be everywhere Kaveh is" didn't start when they were adults. It was already in place when they were still Akademiya students--and it's a trend that didn't end even when they had their fight.
Even when they weren't speaking, Alhaitham dogged Kaveh's every step through published responses to Kaveh's research articles in academic journals. He insisted on keeping a line of communication between himself and Kaveh open, even if the only way to do that was through very public ideological clashes. Pulling Kaveh's pigtails to get his attention lolol. It's implied that, for at least the few years between their fight and Kaveh moving in, this was the only communication between them--Alhaitham's refusal to allow their connection to entirely fade away. (And the fact that this is revealed in Kaveh's character stories--through his precious journal that records the moments of his life that had the most impact on him--shows just how deeply he values the fact that Alhaitham didn't give up.)
Another relevant side note: Alhaitham never asked Kaveh to give up his half of their house. Knowing half of it belonged to Kaveh, knowing that Kaveh may one day want to reclaim his part of it, knowing that it was listed as theirs, Alhaitham moved into the house and made zero effort to change its ownership. He was completely fine with living in "his and Kaveh's house." The stories suggest it was only months later (or even longer) that Kaveh even noticed he had the house, and he transferred away ownership of his portion without Alhaitham ever asking him (or even seemingly wanting him) to do so.
Please, let that sink in. Alhaitham actively left his grandmother's (presumably comfortable) house to move into "his and Kaveh's house," with no apparent explanation for why, and after doing so, he made no attempt to change that "his and Kaveh's" label. He moved into the house with no promise that Kaveh wouldn't show up on the doorstep the very next day and move in too. It almost feels like another deliberate provocation--I've moved into our house, are you going to come stop me? LBR, if Alhaitham had had his way, Kaveh would have been living there with him from Day 1...
There's also the fact that Kaveh literally can't write on a single message board anywhere in the entire nation of Sumeru without Alhaitham hunting his messages down and responding to them (which absolutely no one else does, by the way).
"NUH-UH!" "UH-HUH." "NUH-UH!"
Alhaitham's own character stories tell us explicitly that one of Alhaitham's defining character traits is "He is never where you need him to be," yet somehow...
Shot, and chaser:
Any time Kaveh is in the slightest bit of need or danger or just wants Alhaitham near, Alhaitham is "coincidentally" exactly where Kaveh needs him to be, whenever Kaveh needs him to be there.
Alhaitham didn't just "happen" to run into Kaveh in Port Ormos, an entirely different city from where he was supposed to be working. He didn't just "happen" to read the same terrible book as Kaveh when we know he otherwise would not waste a moment of his time on poorly-written literature...
He didn't just "happen" to appear when Kaveh was upset and needed a distraction in the House of Daena during Kaveh's hangout. He didn't just "happen" to be sitting around waiting when Kaveh needed answers after the Archon Quest. He didn't just "happen" to find Kaveh's academic publications and every single message board posting and respond to them at length and in public.
Which is exactly what Kaveh's mother told Kaveh he needed.
What level of down bad is "Abusing your powers as an Akademiya employee to keep tabs on your crush's library loans"? Just asking for a friend.
The only person for whom Alhaitham just "happens" to be available is Kaveh, over and over and over again--because he is very deliberately making himself a constant presence in Kaveh's life.
(Like, out of all things, I think people really underestimate the devs deliberately paralleling the romantic relationship between Kaveh's mother and father with Kaveh and Alhaitham's relationship. If you want to point to one thing that says "These two characters are intentionally queer-coded," it doesn't get any more obvious than this.)
Alhaitham, are you not embarrassed to be this transparent??? 🫣
#genshin impact#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#I wasn't even looking for half these screencaps#I was just scrolling through the content and “Oops; there's another one”#imagine thinking it's a “coincidence” to run into someone in a desert that stretches hundreds to thousands of miles#I say this in the most positive way possible#but I think Alhaitham might actually need an intervention#bro is reading PULP FICTION for a man#checking the message boards daily for updates from a dude he already lives with#skipping work to do favors for his favorite#I would say his Kaveh hyper-focus is impacting his quality of life#but Kaveh IS his quality of life so...#do you think the merchants in the market are getting savvy#when they see Alhaitham coming they're just like#“Oh Mister Alhaitham! Mister Kaveh was really admiring this painting the last time he came through--”#how many times do you think Alhaitham's brought home new foods only to never buy them again because Kaveh didn't like them?#we could end world deforestation with Alhaitham's pining alone
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Grian doodles ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
#hermitcraft#hermitcraft spoilers#i think#grian#grian fanart#geminitay#skizzleman#hi hello im back from the dead#the art block was crazy man#while drawing this i was just thinking how crazy it is that I actually feel comfortable drawing fanart#for the longest time I stuck to ocs because I was afraid#but with this fandom it was all the fan work people made that really drew me in#and I just want to express my appreciation and admiration I have for all you people#its cozy here even if I'm just lurking around for the most part#and even those who don't create or post seem to be nice#idk just some late night rambles#chump
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3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ
link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say “he's not seeing me/he doesn't look at me” but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say this—#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)—#Ten not only SAW Martha—he trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because “it's still too raw”#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasé about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and it’s fine 😂#but if I didn’t give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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To The Metal Gear Fandom
Okay so silly question but i see a lot of yall on here and you say all the homoerotic stuff in mgs is canon right? Especially otasune, bbkaz, bosselot. Not to sound like a hater but the first game came out in 1998. You know what age hideo Kojima was back then? 36 with a wife and kids. So what's his real purpose for making a whole game series about a buncha gay guys? That's what leads me to believe it's unintentional but idk. If he said why then lmk cause I dont get why he would? I've been thinking about this a lot recently because I've been seeing a lot of people saying it's deliberate. Anyone can answer btw my askbox is open because i Need an explanation. More in tags cause im insane.
#mgs#Metal gear solid#solid snake#Otasune#Bosselot#Vkaz#Bbkaz#Don't come at me mad btw im literally a gay guy so it's not like I mind it 😈#Its just I get confused when mgs is praised for like . rep? its not rep if it's ambiguous really..And like why would he even care#Enough to make it his lifes work when he's straight. Mayb closeted but its so weird to speculate on anothers sexuality 😭 I see people do it#Idkkkk im thinking the ppl that point out the blatant homophobia have it right. Only villains being explicitly queer and raikov well. exist#My friend says the beach date w kaz is mocking his admiration like Ooh hoooo someone has a big ol crush on Big Boss. Ocelot too#Hes also gay btw but neither of us could come with a good reason other than hes closeted but that seems unlikely. Infact he said so I think#It makes more sense in my mind that Kojima accidentally made the gayest series ever. He's an ally though thanks Kojima 👍
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re: the tags on the post you just reblogged; would genuinely Love to hear your take on the themes of homestuck. because so many of its themes are at odds with each other and the reader that it truly does become an ouroboros by the end. and that’s fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time
I really can't phrase it better than "eats itself alive by the end," honestly. Once the Beta Kids scratch their session, you can feel how tired and frustrated the author is. It's like he starts hating his own work and how massively it blew up, when he never planned for it to be a project that lasted so long.
And thus it feels like he starts turning on his work's own themes.
Sburb (the game) was abusive and traumatic, but seemed to be trying to make the kids ""grow"" by some unknown philosophy. Figuring out what Sburb (or its creators) were trying to accomplish was a theme.
Only for the author to get frustrated at the idea of there BEING such a motive, seeming to suddenly pivot to Sburb just being a universe-generating mechanism
The theme about motives, being "pawns" in a greater game and uncovering the mystery, thinking critically about authority figures including the GAME ITSELF is unceremoniously discarded for a "Nothing matters actually" conclusion
Another theme was change and growing up, dealing with your mistakes as you make them. How even in a world with time travel, trying to use metaphysical shennanigans to avoid your fuckups just backfires. Eventually you have to face the music, and you'll be better off for it.
But then the author becomes brutishly cynical. The main casts' worst traits eat them alive on the trip to the new session, we learn the Beta trolls ruined their own playthrough and now painfully slog through their afterlives, the Alpha kids are aimless and trapped in a doomed session.
The theme about growth and facing your own mistakes becomes about stagnation and inevitability.
But honestly I think the most telling change in the author's mindset comes from looking at the Alpha Trolls vs the Beta Trolls.
Like, the way that the Alpha Trolls ALL got a full personality, several interactions with the main cast, and through fan input started evolving into characters that had little traits of the fandom at the time
Homestuck was always a story with a crass tone (and it's kind of incredible how quickly the lingo changed, making early HS look a lot edgier in hindsight than it was at the time) but it felt like there was a lot of love for how these characters had kinda been forged together.
Then you get to the Beta Trolls in a dream bubble, basically all tossed into a high-production walkaround minigame. Several of them just direct, joyless jabs at the audience, less of them relevant.
For me it's really the turning point on the themes, the later acts have always felt super dissonant from the early acts because of that
So in my mind I see it as two big "parts" and examine them together as what I feel was a weak synthesis.
#Homestuck#I didn't HATE the epilogues but they felt like more of a continuation of the themes in HS I'm less fond of#And somehow even more tasteless#I'm glad Hussie stepped down though. I admire a lot of his work but I think he should have stepped away a long time ago#I haven't been following HS2 btw. Just what they made before the harassment shut the team down and the new one took over#I wish them luck but I'm not really hopeful anymore with the brand mismanagement that happened for several years#BUT it still has a place in my heart#And sometimes I think it ends up shining through that I Liked Homestuck in my formative years lmao#Something about how art that resonates with you never leaves. Especially if it left you wanting.
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its finally luosty turns last but not least eh? his topic? cranky sasha 🤣🤣🤣 (whoever came up with these topics wanted to get sasha riled up oh my goddddd)
ofc the way he chooses to show off cranky sasha is through his spartan hockey huh and OF FUCKING COURSE he gets lundy to come up and help him because who else but lundy does sasha crack the good ole whip for IM DYING
he also makes sure to mime in the goal posts too so everyones on the same page that this is of course about hockey because this has turned into an improv exercise mama hes a star hes a THEATRE kid
luosty is very good at mimicing cranky sasha must have lots of time watching him get fussy with lundy huh i can imagine the only directions given to lundy here was act like yourself and somehow that makes this funnier
they absolutely both think luosty is the funniest fucker alive OH MY GOD HE GOT LUNDY TO SMILE (WHICH ISNT MUCH OF AN ACCOMPLISHMENT HES SO SMITTEN WITH HIM) BUT HE GOT MIKKSY TO GIVE A GOOD TOOTHY GRIN TOO LUOSTY WHAT POWERS DO YOU HAVE 😭😭😭😭
he has this whole couch bewitched by his antics oh my fucking god... kicking the bench...throwing the water bottle...cranky sasha indeed
THE WAGGING FINGER AT LUNDY hey man whyd you move your hand to your crotch did that incite any revelations in you do you need to cover something that had unfortunate timing huh do you understand why mikksy cant stand them do you understand now
on another episode of i genuinely dont think anyone else could do this and get sasha this giggly in the midst of it of making fun of him luosty has really charmed them all
Sasha Cup Party | 7.31.24 (x)
#eetu luostarinen#anton lundell#aleksander barkov#niko mikkola#florida panthers#luosty could absolutely get away with murder and the finns would be like noooo you didnt do it not youuuuu#he has the charm of a siren WHAT IS THIS#apparently boyish does work on sasha and all is forgiven if you have it#while i think the humour runs a little dry and sharp in the finn group which means sometimes someones gets a little bristled in the process#luosty has such joyous slapstick comedy that its impossible to feel offended even if he is teasing you#hes like a rodeo clown to me#like sometimes mikksy and sasha go a little hard while lundy runs a little sensitive and luosty is the perfect bridge between all that#does that make sense? am i making sense right now?#like luosty can end up making everyone laugh#like in the NHLWAP series while luosty made a jab at mikksys goal production it wasnt in a way that felt malicious in any wY#mikksy has tough skin but even then hes aware hes a defensive minded dman whos priority is not scoring so when luosty says “when you score#less goals than mikksy THEN you worry“ (in regards to his personal lack of production in the 2324 season) hes diverting the attention in#a comedic way while also kinda pointing out how ridiculous the notion is like yeah he hasnt had the same production like the previous seaso#but thats nothing to worry about personally. mikksy also giggles and goes “why am i suddenly being attacked?”#its just such a perfect way to jump to the next topic where no ones feathers are ruffled and everyone wins#i didnt like the q either and i wouldve answered a lot more snarkier but luosty does it with such grace and humor its really admirable#sorry this turned into a luosty splurge but i just think its important to point out#there IS a reason why he charms people so much and i feel like this and the prev thing i said is a good few reasons why
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What if I was your servant and you promised me a better life and I believed you and then you used me and resented me I saw you at your worst and I held the attention of someone you loved despite the fact you treat them like shit and so you took out your anger on me all the cruelty in the world and as I suffered you sat back with a cup of tea and smiled and you killed your beloved in front of me just to prove a point that they belonged to you and all I can do is watch and then when you just can’t stand the sight of me anymore you cry loud enough for the world to hear you that I’m the dangerous one, a wicked seductress, a witch, and I burn and burn and burn and you go home and laugh, relieved of this burden, the world sings your praises yet you are nothing but alone and miserable and I crawl my way in i appear in your mirror I breathe down your neck you bleed all my blood and you drown in it and it’s funny really how for someone who’s supposedly so evil all I have to do to provoke you is stare with honest eyes and that sight just pushes you over the edge and you have the fucking audacity to scream, plead for help, to actually sob about it like you’re the victim like you’ve always been the poor little victim and you tighten your rope and breathe your last breath and I embrace you from behind and drag my teeth across your neck and dig my nails into your chest and you wait for it to fade to black but your eyes refuse to close and I squeeze over your heart and feel it beat faster and faster and we laugh together and we both know I can see how pathetic you really are and I just keep holding you tighter because I don’t want to know what’d happen if I let you go I don’t think I could ever take my eyes off you again and you could’ve apologized to me even once but you never fucking did and you never will and the world will always see you as the beautiful tragic victim, the hero this town needed, and when they think of evil my face will always be the one they see every fucking time and so I refuse to let go and let you go on believing you’re a saint, committing every atrocity imaginable and using my name to do so, you’re going to hell with me and we will burn and burn and burn and we’re literally both girls 😳🙊🙀
#the letter#the letter visual novel#guyssss i just need it to be known. that this game. this game fucks me up#literally no one is doing toxic yuri like takako and lady charlotte#i fucking hate charlotte so much its like kinda really funny how shes like ‘help me so i can die peacefully and go to heaven 🥺’#its like oh honey its really admirable how you honestly think youre getting into heaven aksjks#i refuse to believe it like i know we’re working with a ‘god is fucked up and Catholics are evil’ perspective which i love but#despite this i just cant let this asshole get into heaven man 😩#im just here for takako im playing video games with her and giving her a bunch of cats and jelly babies#she and kylie can play on the playground okaayyyy#also i uh once again must point out the zach/takako parallels and in particular THE EYESSSSS THE EYES#and how they roll under lukes bed right in the middle where he cant reach so theyre just permanently there and theyre positioned to always#be watching him like he can lie his ass off but zach saw him and knows just how disgusting he is#and luke has to live with that forever he cant escape being seen those eyes are gonna be on him for the rest of his life#im so deeply normal
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nick caves red hand files are such an experience. like he'll really just say whatever on there no fucks given he does not care what people might think of his (admittedly kind of odd and problematic in places) opinions. but also people really will just ask him the weirdest stuff like??? why would you say that?? idk?? but then also you get stuff like
#nick cave#i admire his balls to answer some of that stuff like. damn#probably b/c he already has A Reputation so to speak he doesnt really care about / is used to sharing his opinons even if thse are possibly#uhhhh. controversial. or just weird things to say as a famous person online. but like whatever#and because a lot of his work is about confronting topics and/or very personal people think they can ask him confronting and personal quest#questions. and i guess he wouldnt answer them if he didnt want to#the ones he doesnt answer are probably awful
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What was I just saying about putting people up on pedestals?
*sighs*
#neil gaiman#like you admire their work or their talent#and then you find out they're not who you thought they were#and it all comes crashing down#it’s tough separating the art from the artist sometimes. I mean#on one hand you don’t want to support someone who’s done awful terrible things#but on the other some of their work might have really meant something to you#it’s a balancing act between personal values and the impact of their art#At the end of the day#it's a personal choice and a complex topic with no one-size-fits-all answer#but for ME personally?#it's just impossible to look past his actions - no matter how much i liked his work before#Stay informed#stay critical#and most importantly#stay true to your values
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Who gave Sondheim the right to write a song as bittersweetly perfect as Sorry-Grateful?
#company#company musical#stephen sondheim#please please let me have the chance to work on that show someday#even if only so I can sit and hear that song from backstage#it’s one of my favorite musicals but if I’m choosing to listen to it it means I’m very confused or stressed in my (lack of) romantic life#in this case I’ve gone on two dates with a really really great guy but am unsure how to move forward#and it’s like deciding to date him opened my eyes to other possibilities and I’m like Hope what is happening#including a new guy who I’ve only JUST met like barely 2 weeks ago but in a few ways he’s like perfect on paper#including the fact he works in the same field as my dad and has actually emailed him in the past#and at the bar we and a bunch of other people were at he took the time to rave about my dad to everyone at our table#and explain how much he admires him from the few email interactions and his general knowledge of what my dad does#and I’m like ok ok major green flags#and yesterday was a hard day for him and I was witnessing it throughout our performance#and I was just finding myself feeling really really concerned and wanting to make him better#and now I’m listening to company and I’m like Hope. what. is. happening.
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#gposes#oc: vej callan#luna's ocs: iri thivre#p: vej + iri#YES THAT'S A TWILIGHT PRINCESS#I JUST THOUGHT IT WORKED WELL#vej really is just standing there admiring how stunning she is#guy who runs his mouth constantly finally at a loss for words#love these bisexuals
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You learn to live with it, learn to love it if you can (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#I 👏 want 👏 ZEX 👏 to be 👏 happy!! 👏#I want him to be hale and hearty and living his best life!! I want him alive and well!!#Professional Take-ZEX-Out-of-Situations-er* *(Not actually paid to do this I just feel very strongly about my volunteer work)#Lol#To do with my love towards Max as well? I'll never tell (yes)#Thinking about a ZEX that managed to get back up on his feet with Dex et al's help and start to make a life for himself#Gets into human fashion and goes back to school and makes friends and kisses people <3 It makes me happy#It's not a complete blank slate-start over but if he was able to come out from under everything - persevere - I'd like to see what he'd be ♥#It's also enjoyable to think about his rise out of pain into something neutral - and then from neutrality to something positive#Going from constantly being afraid and isolated and sad and lonely to a kind of passive disinterest#Very much the stages of grief#Coming up into acceptance - I wonder how isolated he would feel from his life as Admiral ZEX :(#Moments where he's still very far away. Our scars never really leave us they just fade little by little#And some things that he'll never get to experience as a human like depth perception and parallax haha#But still <3 Growing into what Max never had the chance to be ;;#Still not making his parents ''proud'' or whatever |P Dex just happy he's showing initiative and y'know - interest in existence#I do like the idea that he still calls him DAX - the one thing he can't give up completely - but it becomes something like an inside joke#A painful one but a kind of wink and a nod that they both Know#Things will never be the same but they're both taking each day as they come - together#Hhhhh even just little bits of happiness ;; I just want them to be A Little happy
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And what if I said Jace’s neglect and Porter’s control of J2 were two sides of the same coin and born of the same rot. What then
#I’m down for thought experiments and playing with dolls but also. I put a#lot of work into the things I make and its important ppl understand Jace’s sin with blue is not really control it’s neglect#Jace’s refusal to be transparent with blue and absolutely cold distance with him#is absolutely why j2 felt better running into Porter’s arms#Porter gave him security and belonging even if blue knew they were the bad guys#Jace CANNOT look what he created directly in the face#he is revulsed by blue he pites blue he envies blue#he even admires blue. just a little bit#Jace and Porter MADE j2 but in completely different ways#it’s so… mama who gave me no want to handle things coded#it’s just…. imma be a hater for 2.5 seconds. I love j2jace#but I miss the version of j2jace that was like. interesting. sorry guys#it’s honestly getting really really draining watching what is essentially your OC being subjected to a lot of cruelty day after day#and not in a way that’s like. hey what if I floated this concept by you?#it’s like. I get I made the clones fair game but that’s feels strange#it feels weird to feel so Precious about it. I feel very Diana Gabaldon coded#and like. I get I’m a hypocrite but also. j2 torment nexus isn’t about active torment#it’s not about everyone deliberately making his life worse. At least not to me#it’s about how he was SO CLOSE to something good. and then gets denied it#for a brief time things were magical. he and Porter dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light etc etc#jan.txt#clone enjoyers anonymous#anyway. I miss blue. he ain’t dead I just miss him
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today was SO ASS
#work was exhausting and overwhelming and I FUCKED UP ONE OF MY NAILS. FUCK ME#also i had the awesome idea of lurking twitter and i see a bunch of people hating on joost saying he's a dick and nor a good person like ??#i know it's only a small part of the fandom and its on me too for opening twt but man......#tbf ive never really considered myself part of the fandom bc this is the only place where i actively post about him#and i only have a handful of joost moots but still ive thought about distancing myself from it ngl#cause like. being a joost fan is so exhausting sometimes like theres ALWAYS something going on#and like. idk i love joost and his music a lot and i admire him so much and i really dont wanna let other people ruin that for me#and i know i shouldn't but yeah. its hard ://#the good thing abt joostblr is everyone's just chill here but still in general theres so much negativity and hate#like its hard to not let it ruin the experience of being a fan...and im ngl sometimes i think yk i love joost but maybe im in too deep#bc it messes with my mental and emotional well-being#which is SO FUCKING STUPID I KNOW bc its not that deep like. im just here to enjoy the man and his music but somehow i got too invested lol#anyway im going off on a tangent rn and im probably not even making sense ive just been having a lot of thoughts and i needed to vent#also i edited this post 500 times bc the tags kept getting messed up and theres still a typo but i aint going back to fix that#raquel speaks
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back after too long ! my laptop is fucked so i have logged in on jam's :^0 reading some great books atm and having quite a lovely time over all, saw my mum yesterday and went to my fav restaurant in bristol (by far the fanciest restaurant i've been to but not actually fancy) which was sooooooooo nice and i paid , then we went to a comedy gig for someone my mum follows and then back to said lovely restaurant for pudding + a cocktail each, then a good 45 min walk home which was nice. good to talk. i am bad at meaningful conversations with anyone other than esme but i am getting better. even my mum thinks i should get therapy :^S but good to hear hers is going well... sigh sigh sigh . good day at work today i truly get on with so many of my coworkers so well and feels like we are properly friends.. lunch w k and a and n which was a great vibe and then the 4 of us + t went to the pub after work which was also great vibes although i neeeeeeeeed to learn to have a filter.... i am such an interminable show off/gossip/general sad desperate 14yo ... but i shall get there i suppose. talking w mum so much last night about how i need to be kinder w myself and recognise how huge an accomplish my being almost-normal actually is comp. to how i was when i left home etc.... i am so high functioning and i am allowed to be proud of myself for that.... work itself was also really good actually, far too much mucking around but still got a lot done and my work is so rewarding ... following up something w a couple i support recently and the wife shouting to me on the phone w her husband about how they managed to get out and go swimming the other day for the first time in living memory she was so excited to tell me.... makes me well up a bit actually... i love people. damn i was so miserableihatemyselfwhycantihaveafilterandbenormal selfharmurge like 10 mins ago and now i am full of joie de vivre again .. what 1 guinness on an empty stomach does to a girl .. jam is currently making me nachos for dinner
#i love to ramble ! and saves so much space in my diary and cramp in my hand to type it...#alia#i am soooooooo fond of a i admire him like a child i really really want him to adopt me as his little sister#we were talking abt black holes at lunch and he said something about them not being a concept or something#and i came back w well ur not a concept bc no one thinks abt u so ur not conceptualised or something#and n said i had such little sister energy for that#and later when i was coming back to my desk after a meeting a stopped me and told me i was like a black hole bc i was infinitely dense#which he then got such a nod from n for like they def workshopped that#and i feel like we are basically adopted siblings already is my point#waaaaaaa i am so full of energy#maybe i am an extrovert#need to go for work drinks more i love everyone#i just hope i dont make everyone hate me !!!!!!!!
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