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yanakkie · 1 month ago

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30 Days of Otherkin Challenge - Day One + Day Two

Hello all! My name is Ko, but I also go by Iris. I am Fictionkind, which means I have a kintype of somebody from a fictional setting. In my case, my kintype is Iris. Specifically, the Iris from the Pokemon Black & White anime.

For the next thirty days, I'm going to be challenging myself to write along with these prompts made by TheHornedGate on Wordpress, who I believe was also @meirya on Tumblr - however they don't post on that blog anymore.

Without further ado, let's begin!

So since I've missed the first day of this challenge unintentionally, I'll be combining the first and second prompt of this challenge into one. Quite frankly, I would have done that regardless as I find it difficult to explain my current identity without first providing background into how I got to where I am.

Prompts 1+2: Current, History/Development

HISTORY

I believed I first learned of the term Fictionkin when I was fourteen. I was moderating a Skype roleplay group and became fast friends with one of the people apart of it. They told me part of the reason they roleplayed the character they did was because they held a kintype in that character. Confused, I asked them to elaborate and they did.

My first interpretation of their explanation was that this phenomenon they were explaining was when somebody just really really liked a character. I repeated this belief back to them and they went further into detail with their explanation. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but I filed the information away in the back of my mind for future reference. The furthest I think I got to processing the information was telling my then boyfriend about it.

In 2015, I rediscovered the term after the first month of Undertale's release. I was looking for art of Flowey on Tumblr to reblog when I saw an aesthetic post with the character. Then I saw the term again. "Kin". And that conversation I had came back to me. I was intrigued that a community like that had now developed around Undertale, so I decided to dive in and explore what it was like.

The definition of Fictionkin was relatively the same as how my friend explained it. I looked into it a bit more here and there but after scrolling through the tag and reading explanations, I got the overall gist of the idea. Full disclosure: I didn't fully understand how seriously others took this belief at first. I dipped my toe into the pool and cautiously started to swim.

The first kintype (I don't think I can really call it that now?) I thought had was Flowey the Flower from Undertale. An alternate universe Flowey where he'd been brought back up to the surface after the events of the game. That was it as far as details went. I assimilated into Fictionkin spaces and befriended other people who held similar beliefs. I learned more about the Fictionkin community as I went along and started to fully grasp the importance of their beliefs, and most importantly of all, how others felt connections to their characters.

I realized then that I was wrong in my assumption I was Flowey. But in the time I had realized that, I had come to adopt a strong connection to another character. In 2015, when this was all taking place, my then boyfriend at the time had forced me to sit down and listen to him read Homestuck for hours at a time. I hated every second of it but for the sake of maintaining that relationship (and being a teenager), I lied and told him it was one of the best pieces of media I'd ever experienced.

I have no opinions on Homestuck now, I haven't tried reading it since 2015.

Anyway, while he read Homestuck to me, I developed a very close attachment to Nepeta. So, for the next several months, I took on Nepeta's character and identity as my own. There are pictures of me dressed similarly to Nepeta, I would often speak in her typing quirk when I was younger, and I even went as far as to insist those at my new school at the time call me Nepeta. I am grateful that I was only at that particular school for three days before transferring to another.

At the time, I didn't really understand Homestuck's quadrants or whatever their relationship system is. So I tweaked character's relationships in my mind to suit my own personal preference. For instance, I liked Equius, so I changed the relationship Nepeta and Equius had from Moirails to Matesprits (I think that's how you write those words.) My boyfriend at the time hated this and often vented to one of my friends behind my back about how I "didn't get it" and things along those lines. That boyfriend of mine was particularly judgmental when it came to the subject of Otherkin, so when I had started to fully come into my own and embrace my identity - he tried to push me back into my shell.

The bastard broke up with me on my birthday, about two months after I'd started to fully surround myself in the Otherkin community, and to be honest it was for the best as much as it fucked me up real bad at the time.

In hindsight, I can fully understand what that phenomenon I was going through was. I don't think I could properly call Nepeta a kintype, given the very specific circumstances that younger me was placed under.

Time passed. My attachment to Nepeta slowly faded away when I learned to let go of the relationship I'd had with my ex. I fizzled out of the Otherkin community for a while afterwards. Burnt out. The summer of 2016 flew by and the school year picked back up. I started at a new school again after being kicked out of my previous one for my grades. Although I held false hope that I could go back if I got my grades back up and had my teachers write me letters of recommendation. (My grades never picked up.)

I can't remember what domino tipped to start this, but I developed a strong fascination with the Danganronpa series around this time. Maybe it was because the Danganronpa 3 anime was airing around that time??? That's just a guess, though. But I started to really feel something when I looked at Makoto Naegi, the main character of the first game. I wanted to be him, I realized. I had strong emotional attachments to the people he had relationships with, particularly his sister, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, and Kyoko Kirigiri.

Makoto Naegi's existence opened the gate to me exploring more about myself and my identity. I identified as male for a short period of time, I changed my name both online and in real-life.

"Oh, is that why you call yourself, Ko?"

Partially, actually!

I got particularly sensitive being around other Makoto Naegis. I was sensitive about others who shared the kintypes I had at the time (I am not so adverse to doubles anymore). I got touchy over talking about the twist villain of Danganronpa. From 2016 to 2017, participating in the Otherkin community was my every day.

I'd post about memories I had, I talked to sourcemates daily, it was a lot of fun for me! Given the strong connection I had with Makoto Naegi at the time, I would say that could be considered my first awakening. I'm not as connected to my Makoto Naegi kintype anymore (hence his lack of presence on my Fictotypes list) due to my overall disinterest in Danganronpa as a franchise now, but I'm not one to forget my roots.

While Steven Universe was still airing, I had this strong feeling in the back of my head. That I had a kintype in Pink Diamond's pearl. At first I thought it was the Pearl shown in the series, the main character Pearl. Though something about this line of thinking didn't exactly sit right with me. At the time, though, it was the only information I had to work with. But, then White Pearl showed up on screen. And the second I saw her, I knew she was originally Pink Diamond's Pearl. Sure as shit, I was right.

Any memories I may have had as Pink Diamond's Pearl, Volleyball, are gone. Much like she says in the show "Eight thousand years just *Bwoop!* gone!" The only thing I can really tie to that kintype is the close connection I had with the main character Pearl. I very much enjoyed the Steven Universe Future episode that aired, I'm sure you can imagine. But anyway, this is another kintype that isn't listed due to me feeling disconnected with the kintype.

I have a bit of imposter syndrome over both my Makoto Naegi and Pink Pearl kintypes, honestly. For starters, being as young as I was, I don't know for absolute certain if the "memories" I remember writing down were legitimate memories or me coming up with headcanons. As for Pink Pearl, my lack of memories troubles me.

I had other kintypes. Callie from Splatoon, for instance, was another big one for me. As was Monotaro from Danganronpa v3 and Keiichi from the Higurashi anime. Although, again, these are kintypes I have a sort of imposter syndrome with as I'm unable to ascertain whether the memories I had were true. The lack of connection I have with these characters now likely doesn't help either.

I try to be very cautious nowadays when placing a kintype on my list. Over the years, I've developed new criteria for what I consider to be memories or spiritual connections to characters. I guess, for example, I take into consideration the length of each individual interest. If the interest persists, then I consider it deeper and look further into it. If it doesn't persist after a long period of time, then I don't really think further into it. Maybe this isn't the right way to go about it, but this is my personal method.

I took a step away from the Otherkin community for a few years in 2018 due to some very unfortunate circumstances in my life!! To make a long story short, I got into another relationship with somebody who ridiculed me for my beliefs (among other things, but this post isn't about him) so I stopped going on Tumblr and mostly just ignored any growing connections that stirred inside me. I found out the other people in my life who I'd told about this experience had harboured secret judgmental feelings all along but kept it to themselves. So needless to say, I wasn't eager to return to the community at first.

In 2020, I returned to the Otherkin community after what I believed was me awakening to Cozy Glow from My Little Pony. Though, this was another instance where I had no memories of being the character, and only had personal feelings to work off of. Regardless, that was enough for me at the time and I developed some very strong friendships with people apart of the My Little Pony Fictionkin community at the time. It was a very wonderful experience - but in being there I was able to learn more about what the "average" Otherkin experience is like.

I didn't know what an awakening was, despite being in the community for multiple years at that point, until I joined that Discord. And I realized the phenomenons they were speaking about were foreign to me, which made me feel pretty out of place. I questioned why I didn't have memories as Cozy Glow. I tried meditating, even buying a crystal at another member's recommendation that swore they got memories after purchasing one all the time.

I wore it around my neck for months and still, nothing. Despite my own doubts, I still believed. After all, it felt right to call myself Cozy Glow. So I let it be. I wrote various stories and fanfictions around Cozy Glow getting redeemed and Chrysalis and Tirek following shortly afterwards. There was a lot of found family themes around the three. But overtime, I fizzled out of the community again.

Unlike the other kintypes (or whatever they were) I had, Cozy Glow is still one that remains near and dear to my heart.

CURRENT

2024 has been a mixed year for me. I intend to go more in-depth about it in a later post, but I've done a lot of work on myself this year. A lot of aspects of my personality have changed over the course of the year to the point where I'd say I am fully not the same person I was when I entered the year. I am a lot happier, for one. I've learned to indulge in my interests without shame. I've learned to stop ignoring the things that make me happy. I've learned to embrace who I am without shame.

So, in general, 2024 was a year of self-discovery for me. Or, re-discovery, rather. In June, I lost a good portion of some incredibly close friends due to a domino effect of unfortunate circumstances. To distract myself, I forced myself to complete the last leg of my GED and do my worst subject: math. I completed it in a month but after that project was over, my mind was back to wandering.

My hope was that by forcing myself to think about something else so deeply for a month that I'd completely forget about the pain I'd endured. That was not the case because there are no shortcuts in life. So from July to September, I grieved. I tried taking on another project, learning Japanese, to distract myself from my sadness again - because I'm terrible at learning my lesson the first time, I guess.

I had to really come to terms with the fact that the friendships I had been in were poison. That wasn't going to be a realization I came to while I was ignoring the matter entirely. I guess after that, I picked myself up, dust myself off, and continued forward. I've always been somebody with something of a hyperfixation on self-improvement. So I wanted to learn how I could start loving myself in the way that I deserved.

I clung to the friendships I'd had so hard because they made me feel loved in areas where I didn't love myself. Which meant that I'd inadvertently tied aspects of my self-worth to them. So losing them made me feel like I had failed in some regard. But that was the furthest thing from the truth!

One thing was for absolute certain, though: I had to learn to love myself. The validation of others was nice, but if I couldn't start praising myself and lifting myself up for the things that I liked about myself, I was going to be in massive trouble. This meant tearing down the foundation in which I'd built myself as a person and reworking it from the ground up.

Bear with me here:

I looked to certain fictional characters to imitate for their confidence. Characters like Reko Yabusame from Your Turn to Die. Reko had a strength in her that I so desperately wanted for myself. So I wrote down characteristics I admired in her and they're currently, at this very moment, pinned right beside me on my wall. A common question I ask myself now is: What would Reko Do?

I definitely wish Reko was a kintype. Unfortunately, she's just someone I look up to.

I know the person I want to be now. That was the most important step in this journey. Figuring out the kind of person I want to be and reworking my values and principals to centre in on that. And when I was finally able to do that, the grief of what I'd lost stopped. I'm a lot better now than I was two months ago. I'm happier! (It also helps I moved out.)

So with that all being said:

While I was thinking of fictional characters to imitate, my mind shifted back to the Otherkin community. I knew, of course, that one could not simply pick and choose their kintypes. That had never been how things worked. I knew about the basic idea of synpaths, though. I started to question if I actually ever understood what being Otherkin or Fictionkin actually meant. The definition the people in the My Little Pony discord spoke about was far different from my own experiences, after all.

So I tore down the structure of everything I thought I'd learned and started from the beginning. I scoured through forums, people's writings and experiences, all so I could gain a better understanding of what this experience actually was. And I came out of it with more insight that I'd previously had. Being Otherkin and Fictionkin was a spiritual experience, through and through.

Again, though, I'd always known that. But it was nice to read the writings of others who confirmed that.

One thing kept repeating in my head throughout all of my readings, though. Awakening. It was the one thing I felt I'd never experienced before. I'd never experienced a sense of canon sickness or feeling that something was missing from my body. The closest I'd ever gotten was missing Tirek and Chrysalis while I was in some sort of Cozy Glow shift. And desperately wanting to fly.

There is one individual who joined the Discord I'd been apart of multiple years ago. They spoke at length about their own experiences with being Fictionkin and the awakening they experienced. The intensity and emotions they shared were the main driving factor behind me wanting to do more research into this subject. I felt even then that there was a disconnect in what the people in that server believed and what I believed. I will never forget the stories they shared in there.

I hope they're doing okay.

Anyway, I'd never experienced any sort of awakening before. So, I thought to myself "Alright, so whatever I'd been experiencing before doesn't align with what I'm reading. Therefore, I'm not fictionkin" and I was fully prepared to leave it at that.

Obviously you can see that's not where the story ended.

Quite literally days after going into this deep dive into Otherkin, I began getting back into the Pokemon anime again. There's something that happens to me that I call The Special Interest Carousel. I have a variety of different interests in the back of my mind that fly out at me depending on the different things I interact with. My Pokemon hyperfixation has a tendency to return quite often, all because of one character.

I can't tell you why or how these feelings started. But I know that my fascination with Cilan began when the Pokemon Black & White anime first started airing. I was searching for clips of Team Rocket on YouTube and I saw a compilation of James's moments from the new anime. I clicked it and I listened to it on repeat. Then, I think I clicked on another video which had Cilan in it.

And I recognized the voice.

I believe the Pokemon Black & White anime began airing right after Jason Griffith was released from playing the role of Sonic the Hedgehog. I had taken a hard steer away from my interest in the Sonic games because of the voice actor changes. So I felt a certain connection to Jason Griffith specifically.

I was happy for him! As a kid, it was nice to see that he'd jumped from one role to another so quickly. That's about all I can remember, but I'll take a shot in the dark and guess that one of the only reasons I was willing to give this new season of the anime a shot was SPECIFICALLY because of Jason Griffith. I felt that watching the anime would support him.

And by "watch the anime" I mean "watch clips here and there" since I didn't know how to find episodes online for free and I wasn't really supposed to be watching Pokemon as a child (I grew up in a pretty religious household and my Mom thought Pokemon were secretly demons).

Once again, I don't know how this happened, but all at once I was completely hooked on Cilan as a character. Here's where things get interesting:

I am and always have been a very self-shippy kind of person. Practically all of my long-term OCs were created for the sole purpose of shipping them with a canon character. Cilan was one of the FIRST characters who EVER inspired an OC that wasn't made to ship with him. I adored Cilan VERY much. I adored his brothers VERY much! Yet, I made no OCs to ship with any of them. Even at that age, the only person I shipped Cilan with was Iris.

And no matter how much time passed, that never changed. Fics I wrote with my OC (My OC was the Striaton Trio's secret fourth sibling, younger than the trio. I'll probably have a fic about her out someday) always kept in mind an Iris/Cilan endgame. I returned to this OC and these characters over and over again over the course of multiple years. My OC has been around for twelve years.

As a child, I would spend literal hours deep diving into Cilan and his brothers. I would read fanfiction after fanfiction about them, studying up on the wiki about them, and in this obsessive deep-dive is how I discovered the Bulbapedia page that described the ship between Iris and Cilan: Wishfulshipping. One of my favorite things to do was read that page on repeat, then scroll through the episodes containing hints on Bulbapedia to read about them.

After being a diehard Team Rocket fan for multiple years, after Team Rocket was singlehandedly the reason I'd ever taken an interest in the Pokemon anime at all Cilan and the characters in the Pokemon B&W anime captivated me in ways that I could not explain as a child. I wanted to watch the anime, so badly, but I couldn't find a way to do so - not without risking being caught by my Mom.

Over the years, it's been the same routine. Return to the OC story idea, write about it for a bit, watch the anime, etc. My adoration was neverending and returned multiple times a year. Now that I'm writing it, Pokemon has always been an exception to the rule when it comes to my hyperfixations. The only other interest with potential for this to happen is the Kirby: Right Back at Ya anime. (But that's a story for another day and I have no experiences with that show that align with the experiences I've had with the Pokemon anime.)

I never considered once over the years that I may have had some sort of deeper connection with Iris. It always felt natural for me to ship her and Cilan together - two halves but when together, make one whole. It's honestly a bit difficult for me to get into hyperspecific details of how I came about even concluding that I could be Iris, but I'll say the thought first crossed my mind in early 2023. That's about as much as I feel comfortable saying so let's jump forward to the present!

I'll give you some insight into how I used to determine my kintypes. The first thing I'd look at were my own deep emotional connections to the characters in the media I was considered. I've since set higher standards for what I'd consider to be "deep emotional connections". What do I mean by this? I mean feelings that persist regardless of the passage of time.

I went through a pretty strong phase where I absolutely adored Jax from The Amazing Digital Circus. I'm fairly certain that has potential to come back as the series continues. I've run through my usual checks on the series, but I know I likely don't have a kintype in the series as I can't really reinvigorate the emotions I had toward Jax even while watching new episodes or listening to songs where he sings.

Compare that to Cilan, where seeing a picture of him revives my Pokemon obsession entirely. If it's not that, then at least once a month I'm passively thinking about the story I've worked on in my head for over a decade. And in thinking about the story, I think about Cilan and that revives my Pokemon obsession.

TO THIS DAY I STILL HAVE NOT SEEN A SINGLE EPISODE OF THE POKEMON ANIME BEYOND BLACK AND WHITE.

Well, okay, that's not entirely true. I've seen the Pokemon Journeys episode where Cilan appears. That's it. I haven't even seen the Masters Eight tournament :'D You know, the episodes where Iris is featured prominently?

You probably get the picture. So, I ran my usual emotional connection test and obviously there was something there. I went "Huh. Okay. Well, that's probably as far as that goes."

Not even a day later, I started getting Iris memories.

As I said earlier, I'm not somebody who easily gets memories. I tried so hard to meditate and otherwise just to get a glimpse into my life as Cozy Glow. Now I can be doing something as simple as washing the dishes and I'm seeing memories of my life as Iris that persisted far beyond the end of the anime.

I have memories of a complete shift in how the Unova Region was run, the rise of tag battles/double battles all because Cilan and I continued to tie in our Championship match. I have memories of a future beyond being the Champion, losing my position, and going off to be with Cilan. I have memories of a married life with Cilan. I have memories of the brothers giving up their Gym and pursuing their own desires in life.

When I did get memories in the past, it only extended to what was shown within the piece of media itself with a only a few anomalies like canon discrepancies. Never in my life have I EVER experienced something like this. I've never had a sense of homesickness before, but each and every day I find myself wanting to return to the Pokemon world. I know that time is gone now. While that world may persist, my soul's moved onto this life and I have to make the most of it.

Time moves forward regardless of where your soul may be.

It hasn't been easy coming to this realization. The homesickness and missing people from my life as Iris has been difficult to handle. I've found comfort in watching the anime, playing the Pokemon games, and recently: writing fanfiction. I speak to other people who have kintypes from the Pokemon anime occasionally, which is nice. It makes me feel a little less alone overall.

It's difficult being part of this life when I had such close people in my past life. I think I'd be a lot better off if I could find those people again and reconnect with them. Unfortunately, though, not many people have kintypes from the Pokemon anime. So I might be without canonmates for a while.

I'm fine with waiting. I know that with enough time, I'll see them again. I'll continue to exist and fully embrace who I am. Then, one day, maybe others will have their awakenings and find their way to me.

Until that day comes, I'll be here waiting, no matter how long it takes.

#Ko's words but longer #Fictotype Files #Otherkin #Fictionkind #Fictionfolk #30 days of Otherkin #Pokekin

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the-mspfa-200-favourites-project · 3 months ago

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FIRST CONTACT

Welcome to the nightmarish year of 2017, AKA a year with. About 50 Fanadventures to it.

Yeah. You heard me right.

About 50. Fanadventures.

Which is, a lot, and kind of also needs explaining. See, the only thing I can think of that could cause such a rise is A) by this time, the official forums that a lot of these fanadventures would’ve gone to were basically kaput, so basically all of those who would’ve only gone to those forums needed somewhere to put their forum adventure, and HEY! Here’s a cool site!

And. B) There’s a huge RUSH of people now on the site, since this is the only site that’s remotely capable of filling the Homestuck Hole in people’s Hearts.

Not only that, this year’s big Homestuck release is Hiveswap, Act 1, so that also means anybody NEW to the fandom and wishing to see more things might be steered towards MSPFA, where they think hey! When in Rome, Right?

And thereby there’s a new influx of people who CAN favourite fanadventures, thus causing the crushing weight of about 50 fanadventures to be delivered to us today.

Anyways First Contact is like, a non-MSPA? So forget all that MSPA-focused stuff I was saying. Another thing I want to bring up is that usually the spiel on the front pages are like. “Hey don’t worry the art gets better.” And I wonder…why is it never “Hey Don’t Worry The Writing Gets Better.” Almost as if people think the art trumps the writing? Or maybe I’m just being a mean, weird pedant. Probably the latter.

Oh no. The “Strip For Money” Audience is back for this one. I thought they were be doomed, banished to their own little area, but sadly, I guess they can re-appear at any time. Though, it’s always a good sign when the author basically goes “no.” to that kind of suggestion.

Okay. This one’s very charming. I’m being charmed right now. Also, I like how certain characters are more accommodating to the commands than others, that’s a neat touch :3

I just realized the reason why I probably like this one so much is like. It’s basically what SuperEgo would be like if it was like. Lighter in atmosphere? A little more Sci-Fi, a little less Horror? Maybe that’s because the plot beat “bunch of characters in an unknown place, nobody knows anything, they all meet up in pairs, vague plot in background” is just. A Pattern. But still. These are my notes, and this is what I’m noting in my head, so better note it down.

OH. Okay. So. Go read this. Go read this right now. I have never heard of First Contact. It’s really good. It’s really, really good. As good as Oceanfalls or Superego? No. But it’s very good at what it wants to do and sets out to do and I like what it wants to do and sets out to do, and that’s enough. In other words, I’m INVESTED, BABY! Anyways.

#first contact #mspfa #mspfanventures #mspfa 200 #2017

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hms-no-fun · 2 years ago

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i both really wish (and dont wish) cohost had a similar ask system to tumblr because im 300% more comfortable on that website than this one but ive had this particular burning question since i binge read godfeels during a covid ridden fugue

The more general version of this question is: how has optiministDuelist been involved in the writing of godfeels 3.1? (or even the future parts you're working on, if you can do so without spoilers)

The more specific version that makes this a question better suited towards you rather than shooting the question towards optimisticDuelist, and is rather a series of questions extrapolating on the first one is: why did you involve them? are they helping you write dirk or jake? are they providing input/advice? and that goes towards other people you've had help with the project too, if they're comfortable with being spoken about - i was just a fan of od's analyses and was surprised to see his name attached to godfeels! in fact im so curious about the nature/process of collaboration in godfeels it seems reductive to even try to condense it into questions that would be easier/faster to answer, in that i fear that what i put in will be what i get out, and that logically it's silly of me to bank on the fact that you might go more in depth than how these questions may imply on first glance. i fear my words make no sense and rather instill anxiety into the reader. anyway these are more like guidelines for something i was hoping you could talk about

oooooo this is a good one! i've written a fair amount about my collaborations in the past. here's a post where i talk about working with taz on chapter 8.2. here's a post where i talk about working with janet girlpillz on chapter 8.6. and here's a post where i talk about working with julia on the nsfw interlude 'stomach'! and then for bonus points, here's a piece my gf zoe wrote about working with me on the first official godfeels art in chapter 7.

but you want more, so here's more.

to start with, taz and i have been friends for some years now! back in early 2019 i was on the hbomberguy donkey kong 64 stream where i (briefly) tried to defend homestuck, which i guess gained me some form of notoriety/infamy. i can't remember if it was taz or kate who reached out to me first but i know taz liked my stuff (and i liked his!). then kate had me on pgen, i joined the pgen server, we all started gaming together and talking about homestuck in group chats. this period, pretty much through the entirety of 2019, is when i went from feeling like i had zero grasp on homestuck to becoming cohost of an at-the-time popular homestuck theory podcast! it's funny going back to my first appearance on pgen because you can tell i was so in over my head. i couldn't remember the names of the hiveswap trolls and still didn't even really know all the homestuck trolls by name. AND I OPTED OUT OF TALKING ABOUT VRISREZI LMAO. oh how turned the tables did the tables did turn

[[[oh god i just realized the pgen website expired and i'm not sure if the eps are still up anywhere... i should talk to kate about that lmao]]]

anyway, i actually talked to taz a bunch when i was first writing godfeels 1!

shortly after this we all did a stream for the launch of the epilogues with folks from the pgen server as well as hiveswap writer/director aysha u farah. i played gamzee lmao i still have the clown horn app on my phone from that

i guess i don't really know to what extent any of this is common knowledge anymore now that i think about it! this feels sort of superfluous to me but i guess this was FOUR YEARS AGO lmao

early godfeels straight up would not have existed without all these people. i cannot stress enough that literary obsession is a social contagion. i was not born a homestuck, i was made. and i think maybe some of the extremities of gf2 especially feel a little weird or dated these days, because on top of everything else godfeels was responding to it was also responding to the particularly toxic 2019-era vriscourse. so a big part of june's confrontational nature came from me being fucking sick of the baby's-first-conservatism that took root in the wider fandom when us cancelable queers had the audacity to like problematic womens and not apologize for it. i won't say anymore about that because like, whatever, it's all dead and buried now even if the ghost lingers. that ghost will have its day eventually! but not anytime soon.

ANYWAY, so, going back to the beginning even though i wrote godfeels alone, it came about in a context of lengthy conversations with other homestuck theorists. so when gf3 started to blow up in scale and become less about my trauma specifically, it made a lot of sense to broaden my horizons and get some new blood into the mix. the posts i linked at the start will fill in a bunch of gaps for you there, i think. it’s worth noting that a bunch of us already had a history of at least attempting to collaborate. we had a thing building for a while like a visual novel with one choice that was basically, what if we wrote every possible version of “transgender john” and just had them all together as branching paths. this was before some of the broader fandom really dug their heels in on the reactionary transphobia, after which point i at least lost some of my taste for that project. maybe we could come back to it someday, we wrote some cool stuff for that...

as far as my collaborative philosophy goes, idk. i first started writing fiction on the zeldapower forums in the early 2000s and developed a thick skin for critique pretty fast as a result. i wrote and rewrote constantly, shared what i could with friends and talked about plot/story/character ideas with them. when i realized in year two that writing school had nothing to offer me, i transferred to film. but i did so explicitly not wanting to be a director or writer or anyone above the line, really, because i didn't know what i wanted to make or even if i wanted to make something of my own. what i wanted was to help other people realize their own visions and see how they did it. so that's how i ended up working grip/electric in the oklahoma film industry, because it turns out all it really takes to get your foot in the door is to lose the ego and make yourself useful. it helps that i am cursed with constant psychological awareness of absolutely everything in my vicinity at all times, so i gained a reputation for being practically psychic the way i could know exactly what my bosses wanted lighting-wise before they even said anything.

i miss that job tbh. i loved the people, i felt more physically and psychologically fulfilled than at any job i've ever had. oklahoma has a relatively small film scene so it wasn't long before i was on a first name basis with most everyone working on my side of the state. when a crew is all on the same page, man, there's nothing like it. not every set can or should be like this, but some of my favorite experiences were on sets where it felt like everyone was the director. the director had their own vision but they knew how to adapt it to the location, to the ideas of technicians and craftspeople who had their own insights. a good director knows how to let their collaborators take ownership of the work, even when they reject their suggestions! i loved film work and i think about getting back to it sometimes. problem is it's extraordinarily physically demanding work and it leaves no time for anything else. 12 hour days five days a week minimum. i quit because i wanted to focus on video essays, one thing led to another, now we're here and homestuck changed my life lmao

so that's where i come from as writer. i have very strong opinions about my work and what it means and what it needs to do, but i try very hard not to have an ego about it.

the way we work together is pretty simple. when i finish the first draft of a chapter i’ll post it to the work server, and then folks will leave comments. but also, every member of the team has their own little corner of godfeels that they’ve adopted. taz is the dirkjake whisperer, julia is the queen of dana and the upsilons, etc. so when i write these characters i’ll ask for their insight, and invite them to modify or add to the scene as they see fit. sometimes this means prose, sometimes this means dialogue. our understanding is that nothing goes in the final published work without my approval, but that also that nothing is entirely off the table until we’ve had a conversation about it.

i get a lot of my storytelling philosophy from the tv show LOST, where every question was introduced with an explanation in mind but with the caveat that those explanations only remained true until the writers came up with something better. this gets back to something i said yesterday about needing a story to be dynamic and not planning things out too much in advance. for more detailed explanations, here’s a post i wrote about my hooks & hats philosophy, and then here’s another post about my process in general. but basically, i have this massive web of interconnected plotpoints going out very far into the future right? so when someone makes a suggestion i know exactly how possible it is to fit within that framework. i know how much information about any given hook has been introduced, so i know whether one explanation has been seeded too thoroughly to be changed.

but the flipside of that is that now my collaborators are inventing OCs! taz created a fantastic character named xifus that i can’t wait to write more of in 3.2A. we talk about this setting all the time, we talk about what makes sense for it, what would be cool, what mistakes would absolutely RUIN IT, how we can avoid the mistakes of our predecessors, all that fun stuff.

collaboration is all about honesty. godfeels has become what it is because we’re all fans both of homestuck, of anime, of broader culture... and of godfeels. my dirty secret is that i love writing godfeels because i’m its biggest fan. it frequently does not FEEL like i am composing this story, but rather that it is just happening to me. always i am wrangling cats in this petting zoo. i don’t want to be making this thing for the rest of my life but also this story is SO COOL and we are all chomping at the fucking bit to get to the upsilons and so much other shit besides. is that egomaniacal? idk. i think the idea that you’re supposed to be neutral leaning negative on your own work is kinda bullshit. but also, i don’t see the creation of art as bound to suffering or even being a process that requires much expertise. writing isn’t magic, even if it can feel that way sometimes.

i talk a lot about my work and how i write because i want to help demystify the process and try to show that it’s a learnable craft same as anything else. imo the preponderance of mediocre-to-great artists is not proof of Exceptional People but rather that it’s actually dirt simple to become a mediocre-to-great artist. all you need is time and money and access to the right tools! which is why so many mediocre artists are the rich failsons of killfactory millionaires. which is why every artist should be pro student debt relief, pro public transit, pro affordable housing, pro welfare, pro socialized medicine, pro deprivatizing mass media, and pro wide-ranging government arts funding. our nightmare neoliberal media landscape is the result of decades of making the creation of art & culture economically inaccessible to the working class, hence everything being set in rich suburbs with giant houses, hence the inescapability of pro-capitalist pro-nationalist messaging, hence the refusal of all national media to talk to trans people about trans issues, because only the middle and upper classes get to touch the levers of public perception and they have a direct economic incentive to convince the working class that they are middle class.

the notion that this stuff is at all mysterious or naturally the purview of those who can afford expensive degrees is just the narrative they sell to working people to cover up the fact that once you ascend past a certain income bracket, absolutely everything is just nepotism. it’s all just rich guys giving their rich friends and their rich friends’ stupid fucking libertarian manchildren high paying jobs forever. that’s why they never go away, that’s why they always fail up, that’s why trans women and queer people can get bullied off the face of the internet for half-joking that a fictional woman who did a murder was blameless in her crimes while grifters who moonlight at raytheon can weather blow after blow and stir the pot and solicit donations they don’t need and never disappear no matter how hated they are, because they HAVE money and they HAVE security so none of this shit is a real threat to anything besides their shallow fucking egos. which, you know, to be fair, threatening a rich person’s ego is basically the same thing as killing a man in cold blood, so who can say what is wrong or right?

there’s obviously a lot of complicating factors to the anticapitalist yarn i’ve spun here, but that’s how i see it. the rich want to own culture, they commodify it through copyright and box it up and insist that we are trespassers if we try to reflect those “““properties”““ through ourselves. that is, in part, a big reason why i haven’t given up on godfeels or tried to “file the serial numbers off.” i love this story and i am treating it with as much care as i would something original, because i believe this is art that stands up even with its imperfections and it’s insulting to me that “fanwork” is considered naturally lesser than “original” work when literally everything around us that is owned by disney et al was stolen from what was once an open culture. i reject the enclosure of the commons of our imagination, and andrew hussie themself quite famously said that postcanon homestuck belongs to the most conscientious and invested members of the fandom.

and frankly, even as i wish i COULD make a living off of godfeels alone, i like that my art isn’t particularly monetizable. i like that it is considered low art. i like that many people see it as shameful or a waste of time. i do not want to create a commodity. i do not want to run a business. i do not want to be famous. i want to make art that is freely available that maybe, just maybe, can help a handful of queer people deal with the shit going on in their life and have a good time in the process.

in short: we have no choice but to revolutionize the world.

UHHHH wow that got off the rails at the end there didn’t it? i love giving writing advice hahaha!

#sarahposts #godfeels #homestuck #writing advice #how to write #how to collaborate #collab fic #art talk #failsons #us politics #communism is good #kill all landlords #make art #communist polemic #getting on my soapbox #capitalism is bad #fuck rich people #youll never guess which wretched homestuck community luminaries are failsons #everything is the same

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drchucktingle · 1 year ago

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first of all thank you to buckaroos @headspace-hotel @dduane and @tkingfisher for their kindness and standing up for my way. LOVE IS REAL and your words have proven this to me today. i genuinely appreciate it very much.

i noticed this post float by and thought i should trot on over to say a QUICK SOMETHING so here goes

it is true i have addressed this many times and the BASIC POINT is that i do not like this comparison because i have had encounters with those who make something called HIVESWAP (which is connected to HOMESTUCK in some way and honestly i still do not really understand what EITHER of these things are just that they are some of the same folks). what i DO know is that these encounters have not been good.

usually when i talk about this i delete post because i do not want to start gossip or have a CALL OUT POST WAY. it is not my intent to make this into some big public battle, but it keeps coming up so i will say what i can and try to leave this one up

FOR THE RECORD i have never met andrew hussie but from my understanding his connection to way of hiveswap is tangental. i do not know if he is a kind buckaroo or a scoundrel. i really have no idea but since we have not met i will say that i have no ill will in this way

the folks of hiveswap are another story (i should also say there that i am only comfortable reposting these screenshots because they are all public. i am not leaking some private conversation these posts are just sitting around online still)

hiveswap folks have said terrible things to and about chuck. they have been ableist and they have been biphobic. they have been gatekeepers who said my autism was fake and that me saying 'bi is valid' is a joke.

this second one is saying that buckaroos need to know the history of every person in each gif they repost? i guess? i do not even understand this trot but i do understand the darkness of equating THAT with saying 'bi is valid'

long ago these folks asked to make a video game with the tingleverse and i said okay, then they pretty much disappeared. over time i have realized my first clue that something was amiss should have been the fact that i am a professional writer and SOMEONE ELSE (one of the folks above) was brought in to write this game. what this says to me is that while intentions might have been good at the time, subconsciously i was absolutely not taken seriously as an artist and seen as a joke or a meme or some member of whatever internet forums they trot around on. imagine asking stephen king to make a game and then not at least ASKING him to write it, or jordan peele, or junji ito.

i make real, important, valid art worthy of consideration. i am sincere. i put my whole heart into everything i create. i am not a meme or a character or a joke.

i am a person.

so every time this andrew hussie connection comes up online and i see it i am faced with all of these feelings about how these people treated me. i think about the way they invalidated my neurodivergence and queerness. but what is most troubling is that i am faced with questions of WHETHER OR NOT TO EVEN ADDRESS IT.

i did not want to write this post this morning. i did not want to consider whether or not i should defend myself and stand up to gatekeepers or just let it trot on because i really really really am not trying to start a dang fight with these folks. i have better trots to trot and i am sure they do to.

so hopefully for the last time (unless i feel dang strange and delete) i would appreciate if buckaroos could retire this little andrew hussie theory

This isnt a conspiracy Chuck Tingle is literally, without hyperbole, the pen name of sir Andrew Hussie, the author of Homestuck. Something wild for you to keep in mind as you read this and just so you know hes not only read Harry Potter but done a whole parody draw over of the first book in the past.

Why is there such an obsession with insisting that Chuck Tingle is the alter ego of [existing well known writer] instead of his own person

#love is real

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ottiliere · 2 years ago

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Ok so, 2 things

1. Oh? System Dirks are coming in here to show their appreciation? Because ours also DEVOURS this AU. It is genuinely so relatable and cathartic. When people don't think sharing vent art is good, I point at this AU and how it shows the ugly side of recovery so perfectly.

2. I was idly scrolling through the JTHM tag as I do frequently and got such intense whiplash seeing your recent post about asks in it. Like. Complete opposite side of our dash radar. What is this I hear about a JTHM ask?? I am fascinated already I font care if it's related to Dirk or not I just genuinely would love to hear your thoughts on it.

1) pulling all the dirks who follow me in for a hug through the walls of my plastic isolation bubble. it really makes me so happy to hear this. I can't give an extended answer to this point because I spent so much time talking about the next one but I hope you feel the mind waves of love I am bombarding you with.

2) The ask I got was in fact about Dirk, but as I'm drafting it it is...drifting...very much...into being about JTHM. "hear my thoughts on it" … this would be nothing shorter than a dissertation. I think about JTHM very often. I don't think it's possible for me to be concise about this in any sense of the word.

JTHM, to me, is one of the formative experiences that made me who I am. It is one of my favorite pieces of fiction ever made, that I have ever engaged with, and I know for a fact I will struggle to find something that is told in such a captivating way from an author with such an open soul. I discovered fanart of it by chance on DeviantArt, and, being naturally drawn towards edgier themes, searched everywhere on the internet until I found it uploaded onto some woman's livejournal account. I was obsessed with JTHM for a very, very long time. I reread it periodically, once or twice a year, and I have been doing this since I was 12. It has heavily influecned the way I go about making art and telling stories and engaging with everything I watch or read or what have you.

Everything about this comic blew my mind as a child, artistically absolutely, thematically especially. The narrative style that is glib with occasional moments of morose clarity that never lasts too long... we will never see anything like the suicide scene in anything else ever written again, of that I'm sure. It is unique in its existence. once you read that it unlocks something in your brain and you just can't go back. Multiplied by a million if you read it at a formative age you weren't really supposed to be reading it. Like homestuck.

Nny... he is the base of the character trope I always return to in fiction, usually unconsciously. I didn't realize that what I was doing to dirk mirrored nny until some friends pointed it out... it is a fascinating phenomenon. He is the first of his kind I have ever encountered in anything, ever. Blatantly unwell, the focus of a story that isn't necessarily slotting him into an antagonistic role. Like, he's the protagonist who I guess is also the antagonist but he's also a human. He's this guy with severe mental illness who is lead around like a puppet on strings first by the society that torments him for existing and then by the creature living in his walls that steals his memory and cognitive ability and manipulates him into doing his bidding. I had never seen that before? Usually I am not one for "made mentally ill by inorganic sources" trope, but the fact that it's stated in the comic that he was already seriously unwell before he became a flusher... it's just sad. He is not a good person, but his life is inherently tragic and the outcome of a society that does not care for him, or people like him, at all. forgive me for the comparison, but he is like the joker 2019. I mean this in a way that I love joker 2019. if you didn't like joker, well. sorry. but it's true.

This ties in, obviously, with the way that Jhonen goes about fiction: he does whatever he wants, to an extent. I have recently very closely befriended some individuals and while pondering how we were meshing so well on the creative side of htings, it eventually came to light that the singlemost defining moment in our lives was how we all read JTHM at a very young age. And it is insane, stepping back and looking at all of our narrative and art styles and seeing that the similarities we've all evolved independently stemmed from JTHM, in addition to our view of what it's like to be an artist. we are but jhonen's warriors in a world that is currently characterized by a very homogenized mixture of “art”. I mean, just look at the current box office trend. look at the “genre” that is marvel movies. not that I don’t enjoy marvel movies, I DO like them, my loki phase was strong and hard, but objectively... these things are what they are: mass-produced consumables. there is a reason people got excited when it was announced that Cronenberg was making a new film (which was awesome btw); art is dying. milquetoast narratives, stories afraid to push boundaries and be "weird", authors not trusting the audience to pick up on their intended message so instead of leaving it just a little ambiguous, they must instead spoonfeed it to every reader... There is some equation of what it means to make art and how it equates with your moral standing; my stance has always aligned with dear Jhonen's.

in a way my view of the world is the direct inverse of nny's; I truly believe in the best of people, I love humanity, I love the world and I am fundamentally incapable of being outwardly cruel towards others. my natural setting is to logically empathize, to put myself in the shoes of other people and look at their life the way they're living it. there is nothing more important to me than showing unconditional positive regard towards others. I have not always been this way. I used to foster great amounts of animosity in my heart for the things that have been done to me. I used to be an abjectly miserable person, I used to be violently suicidal every day for years and years and years etc. now though... I don't know how to describe it. something alights upon you after vast quantities of self-reflection, detached from the scrying eyes of swathes of people, of strangers, fandom most relevantly but I do also mean society as a whole. at this point in my life there is nothing more important to me than being a nice person, and helping others in what ways I can. if that's through posting raw depictions of mental illness, I will happily do so. I didn't realize that people didn't KNOW they can do this, and it is heartwarming that I can touch people in such a way even parasocially. I have worked on myself, I love people and I love when people are weird and their true creative selves because that is what the world needs in this day and age. art is dying. If you let bitterness into your heart it will consume you. it will cloud your judgment and prevent you from making a true connection to the medium, it will block you from making what you REALLY want to make. It will poison how you interact with other humans on a fundamental level, if you are constantly walking into interactions suspecting the worst intentions.

it almost seems like critical thinking is a dying skill...or, at least, it is when it comes to interacting with art and not relying on other people to tell you what to think. but even still I still do not hold ire towards those who seek me harm for what I make. I do not answer many of the asks I get on purpose, the death threats, etc... because these people are hurting in a multitude of ways, and they have not yet learned how to cope with their own pain. You could call being an optimist a character flaw, maybe it is. I don't know. That is, for better or worse, the epitome of what I am: an unrelenting pollyanna who believes in the best of people and the potential they have to heal. The one anon hate I got about the AU months ago that I actually deigned with an answer; they eventually came off anon and admitted they were just frustrated they didn't know how to properly use tumblr's UI to filter me off their dashboard and displaced their emotions onto me. They apologized. Such is life. We are all humans inhabiting this great big earth and I love to love people. contrary to what I depict in my art, I am a very happy person. I love my friends and I'm currently in a very good life situation with occasional downfalls and eventual upturns. Jhonen, I know, as stated in the second interview image, was often like this as well. nny was a speakerphone for little observations about life and pessimism; he was a character, a means to tell a story.

so ya I guess those are some of my thoughts about JTHM. not all of them though. here’s some nny

#ask #lucy art #these asks really got me plugged into nny again... expect art soon probably #like besides whats here these are PRACTISE #the power of anonymous users on tumblr #jthm

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ivyalive · 2 years ago

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person things

Twitter is like, busy burning to the ground or whatever I guess, right? I just realize that my Tumblr currently is all business/art posts and that feels weird for Tumblr. Tumblr was my first big social, I think, after dA. I used it for years, a lot as an artist drawing homestuck and my ocs, but also doing sims. It's kind of a place near and dear to my heart, but I've changed so much since then. I've always liked how Tumblr allows for you to know a person in a way that Twitter never really allows for.

I just wanna say hi, basically. I hope Tumblr has a resurgence in a meaningful way because I've always liked the presentation here, it was just so dead for ages, I lost so many friends here. I hope to make some new ones.

Anyways, just hi, and never be afraid to reach out if y'all have any questions or just wanna shoot the shit on some dumb thing. I don't have the time anymore to respond to "hi" messages or anything, but I do love getting to know y'all. ♥

#text #gpoy koala tea ball pit

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patchdotexe · 2 years ago

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the KG masterpost

aka "icarus and pat collectively lose their minds"

the core concept here is basically like. what if all the AUs of somebody were literally the same person? in the sense of like... you bump into somebody in one universe, hop to the next one over, and when you find them again they recognize you even though there's no way you met before-- or you're just minding your own business when somebody runs up and claims to know you and, when you press them on it, they get embarrassed and say "sorry, i mixed ya up with the other you". slightly different appearances, vastly different backstories, different nicknames, but still the same person.

side effects of existing like that: easily overstimulated, memory constantly scrambled because of remembering Literally Everything From Every Version Of Themself, extremely confusing to be around. depending on the setting, either they mask it or they just don't give a shit because This Is Already So Goddamn Weird

tl;dr: local teenager breaks reality and now exists in several dimensions at once. this is a problem. (or, we tried to make all of our old rp self-inserts canonically the same character, ran into Several Issues with logistics, and somehow exploding the fabric of spacetime was the best solution we could think of)

(individual KGs in vague chronological order under the cut because this post is MASSIVE)

KG / PRIME: human, usually. (sometimes a catgirl?) they/he/she. the "original" KG, template for all the others, and the core of this mess. goofball with phenomenal cosmic power. got isekai'd into the original version of our long-running RP multiverse and then oops! all KGs! a side-effect of the Isekai Incident is that Prime kinda is just vibing somewhere outside of reality and is basically just in noncanon scenarios for comedy reasons, which they are very aware of. they're the reason why the other KGs are fourth-wall aware because they're kinda clipping through it and just have to deal with that. does not like shoes because they're hard to draw

SELF: Persona 3! she/her, is so old that all of my art of her was in mspaint. is the reason for this mess because initially i didn't make any distinction between Self, Plus/Minus, kh!Katie, and Prime despite them all having different backstories and powersets. persona was Nekomata i think? the "SI" literally stands for "Self-Insert", so uh.. she's Self now. this is the first time i ever drew her in a reasonable outfit. was, unfortunately, a Fucking Weeb because i was 13. there's info on her out there somewhere but i don't want to look for it or else i'll explode

PLUS and MINUS: Mega Man Star Force! she/her (individual), they/them (plural). basically "what if Gemini Spark was me" except.. i didn't know i was a system yet.. so this specific iteration of KG is very weird to look back on lmao. absolutely horrible plural rep but they were somehow instrumental in me figuring myself out so they get one (1) rights. there's also a version that has a fan FM-ian partner instead but then they got reworked into an unrelated oc. has lightning powers even when not wavechanged i think? Plus is harmless, Minus is teenage angst and a boatload of trauma incarnate

kaoticGenome: homestuck! human, she/her. breaks the mold and has different initials (not counting chumhandle)! originally thought her last name was Grant but it got revealed to be something else when she learned about her session's ectobiology stuff. which included "one of the genetic samples for her and her brother was the past self of the first guardian before he turned himself into a FG", it was ~2010, it was a Whole Thing, she's very disappointed that she didn't "inherit" any powers from it (and then i realized she's biologically related to Ninten and had a 404 error). was the Scribe of Dawn before we knew what the canon classpects were, probably a Heart player nowadays. very good at being the goofball but was usually the straight man. was like the only KL-era KG that wasn't interchangeable with the others but HAHA NOT FOR LONG

KATIE: Kingdom Hearts! human, she/they/he. this design was "ica wanted to draw a smash sona that's 'KG but ica's mains put together' like how Spark is pat's mains put together" and then i realized the sora half of the equation is Basically the Kingdom Hearts KG that never got a unique design so uhh. she's them now! design liable to change. is the weird outlier of "doesn't have a unique nickname" because even Katie A. has her chumhandle, but also her Nobody is named Teixak so uhhhhhh. speaking of, she kinda got upstaged by her Nobody lmao. keyblade wielder solely because i was playing Days, had a crush on Roxas (i was 13).

LANDIA: Minecraft! catgirl, they/he? last of the "original era" but they predated us knowing minecraft storytelling was a thing so they didn't have anything going for them besides shitposts until we brought him back a literal decade later. kinda part of their own sub-group of KGs because there's like 3 Landias running around. predates the existence of dogs. leans hard into being a comic relief background character. currently planning to fling themself into the deep dark for fun and profit (there will be no fun and no profit). resident self-proclaimed memelord

FOXCAT: Sonic! Outsider foxcat, she/they. shapeshifter and realitywarper due to being an entity from another dimension masquerading as a normal mobian. has made it her life mission to bother as many au Tailses as she can (mostly bothers T1 because he's Their Best Friend). has Klonoa's hat because Zephyr exists. may or may not know blood magic because of a one-off joke. is difficult to place chronologically because this design is new but got retconned into taking the place of proto-SK in a specific RP arc, which KINDA makes her the first KG (besides Prime) but not really..??

KAY GEE: Stickmin! they/them, first fully "new" KG after establishing the bizarre convoluted multiverse stuff. older sibling to a CCC agent while also being somewhat on the run from the CCC itself because of having similar time anomaly / "retry" powers as Henry. does not take things seriously at all because of just being able to rewind and try again. keeps getting reminded their actions do in fact have consequences. is in SO much trouble

ZEPHYR: Klonoa! four-eared cabbit, she/her, lovable pest. grew up in breezegale as one of the various phantomilians you can rescue. she's friends with Klonoa and causes problems on purpose because it's funny. Dream Traveler status debatable. also difficult to place chronologically because despite being VERY old she got retconned into being part of this mess wayyyyy later (which is why she has a fully unique name). currently Fucking Haunting Me because tying her in to the KGs ended up being an accidental explanation for Foxcat's hat and then i went on an unhinged rant and started this masterpost

..this isn't even all of them, i just hit image limit

#leo chirps #leodoodles #leos ocs #oc: KG #this took FOREVER. holy hell #im not even done! there's even more of these guys!! fuck!!!!!!!!!#ill reblog this later with everyone else hrk

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whetthypsycho · 2 years ago

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Good morning to my new home on the internet???

Now that I've moved on from the god forsaken bird app for good now, it's time for me to figure out how to make this account feel me and get used to all the unwritten rules of this site.

Also gotta figure out how I'm going to be posting and what. The last time I had a Tumblr account was in highschool and I originally planned on making a webcomic with it.

It was called Prolonging Nothing. It was about three teenage kids accidentally causing, surviving, and preventing (time shenanigans) an end of the world where everything is swallowed by a matterless void.

Obviously I'm not doing that. I can't even remember the plot I'd planned out and I'm not even sure my original account is even anymore to take inspiration from, and even if either of those were true I'm not the same person who came up with those ideas anyways.

So what will I do?

Well, I need somewhere to post my art, and now that this place has once again legalized more sensitive artwork, I'm more comfortable posting here. Obviously I can't go all the way as to draw people engaging in intercourse but I wasn't planning on doing that publicly anyway nor was I really known for it in the first place.

That being said,

If you're familiar with my twitter, you might be aware that I wasn't really posting all that much art in the first place despite labelling myself an artist/creative. This is because I lacked drive. Still do, but I'm hoping that the nostalgia of using this site will help push me back into the groove of it. If it doesn't, well...

So what else will I do?

I'm a little bit shy about my interests, and I don't tend to talk much about them. This has always been true of me. When I was younger I used to be big into things like Homestuck and Doctor Who and Gravity Falls but you wouldn't be able to tell unless you asked me. This was despite the fact that all of my friends at the time would not shut up about them and were frankly a bit obsessed

In other words, I sucked at being a fan of things. I didn't participate in fandoms because it felt weird and unnatural to me and frankly I found it kind of cringe. But a part of me was jealous that people could be that carefree about what they enjoy. That they just ignored how other people saw them and just enjoyed what they wanted to enjoy.

This time, I plan to do that. I plan to be the cringe I used to be jealous of.

I'm an adult, and I've realized I don't need to hold myself to these weird restrictions I placed on myself as a teenager that made me think having fun and getting invested in things was cringe and weird and makes you look bad.

I want to enjoy life, and that means trying to undo all of that weird internalized ableism and misogyny and feelings like I need to cultivate an image to get people to respect me.

It's okay to be cringe.

It's okay to enjoy things.

And it's time I allowed myself to be cringe and enjoy things.

I allowed myself to be who I am once and it made me happier than any other time in my life, what's the worst that could happen by doing it a second time?

So, now what?

Now I see how this experiment pans out. I want to make it work, but the culture on tumblr now is entirely different than the culture on tumblr back then. All these desires could be distorted or altered into new shapes that better reflect the times, and frankly I kind of hope they do at least a little.

But I still want to have fun.

The world is going to hell, the economy is collapsing, people are getting radicalized to the breaking point, and I've got a bunch of unexplained health issues that are causing me a fuck ton of anxiety.

I don't want to live in that world or be stuck thinking about all the terrible things happening around me. Frankly I could get hate crimed tomorrow, or one of my health issues could turn out to be as bad as I'm terrified they actually are, or my entire family could die and my neurodivergent ass gets left to fend for herself with no idea what to do, or worse.

Any number of bad things could happen to me and ruin my life. I don't want to think about it. I just want to be happy while I have the chance to be happy, rather than succumbing to the morose nature of the world that we live in.

So I'm not gonna.

I don't have a plan, but this is a start. I'm gonna blindly take my first steps and see where they land me. If where I am at the end of this path is happier than where it began, I'll call that a success.

Even if the world and I should burn, I should at least get to enjoy it until we flicker out into the great dark unknown once again.

So to the people who stumble upon me while I'm here:

Hello!

#new to tumblr #transgirl #hello

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peevishpants · 3 years ago

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Woahhhh your art is so good!!!! I adore how you use colours sm!! Could I ask if you have any advice on environment design? I love how you draw backgrounds and I've always wanted to learn more about coming up with settings for a story ~Aqua

Thank you!!! :D

I get this question pretty often and never really know what to say - there's so many avenues of advice to give, and difficult to tailor it in an AOE (area of effect? howdy ya do gamers im a bit of a gamer myself please believe me) format. Be aware that my "advice" may not be the thing you need to hear or apply right now, so maybe just store it away in the back of your brain for a while, or just discard it if you feel like you're past that point or moving in a complete different direction with your current art level.

But here we go, a little tidbit about environment design for story-telling (sorry long post):

A game I like to play with myself is "what if X... but Y". Like madlibs - what if [bookshelf] ... but it's [meat]. (I'm sitting beside my bookshelf and I just ate haha). Ok, now let's answer that - why would there be a bookshelf of meat? Maybe I'm a nerdy butcher, who collects exotic meat samples. Maybe the meats are monstrous and I'm a demon taxonomist. But meat decays so quickly! How would I keep them? Maybe I preserve them with a magic balm, or my bookshelf is so high tech it keeps the collection of meats cold through uhhhhhh cryo.... cryo uhhhh technology. Maybe I'm a meat wizard and these meat slabs carry runes that I can read and use to do ... Weird Meat Magic. Maybe I have a magical BBQ and I need to grill selected meats to release their Magic Juices. OH, FIRE! What if one day, my house gets set on fire (malevolent spirit? stupid accident?) and my bookshelf full of meats all gets cooked at once, releasing a Pandora's Box swarm of magical atrocities into the world? And now it's my mission to hunt them all down, butcher knife and tongs in hand. Actually wait this is a banger idea for both a Yan NPC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND a DND character LMAO

But with this utterly random framework, we've already set down a couple world and story design beats to riff off of - there's Meat based Magic, there might be an Enemy somewhere who hates me and my meats, Meat = Jail for Evil Demons and I was a sort of prison warden? Now I have to work in a scene where I say "my MEAT IS HUGE" or "I've FINALLY BEATEN... MY MEATS". I want to design what my meat bookshelf looks like, and how it preserves the meats - different kinds of compartments for different kinds of meat! a special section for seafood? - my home and how the evil spirit got into it to commit arson, and what kind of person would live in a home like that. That's when worldly knowledge and research come in - I'd want to research real cryoprotective tech to help design the bookshelf, maybe base the meat demon designs off of... uh... I dunno? Metallica/KISS facepaint patterns? Rorschach test patterns?

Two skills help a lot in the process of grabbing idea threads and developing them: 1. Expanding your mental library of Concepts and Things and 2. Just being Curious about the world! Constantly asking questions and making little headcanons and never shutting up. Think of it as trying to entertain yourself!

Anyway this is just one quick way to get the brain rolling on world design! Sometimes you'll play "what if X... but Y" and come to a dead-end or realize you've just re-made homestuck (valid), so just try again with another set of concepts, or pick a train of thought you liked from your first game and expand on that. And of course you can always go back and change your ideas - like, maybe instead of a meat bookshelf I think a seed bookshelf would be cooler. I dunno. The point is to fully explore your ideas and through that, assign meaning to them so that they are compelling.

So tldr: read and learn things to expand your knowledge base, be curious, and try to connect cool visuals with a clear reason for their existence.

#littleblueberryartist #ask #haha this is more about idea-generation than actual technical or stylistic design! but i hope it helps #if you wanted to rephrase your question or ask something else feel free!#art advice #design

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franeridart · 4 years ago

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Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤️😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

#fran answers #many chattering tonight #anyway yes please do go check blue lock out I assure everyone it's a cool af manga #long post #also spoilers for tog in one of the answers #i went off there hahaha

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