#i just need to make a line and them write some keywords

[reversedpineapple]

I love your writing! I was wondering if you could do a yandere profile on gepard? ❤❤

Awww thank you Anon. That is so sweet of you! (。⌒∇⌒)。

⋆⁺₊❅. 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎: 𝙶𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚍 .❅₊⁺⋆

•···• Yan!Gepard x Reader •···•

TWs: Obsession, low-key stalking, surveillance, possessiveness, isolation, manipulation, description of violence, overall not a healthy relationship

Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated. :D

ٜ۪ꥇ໋۬ Word count: 2.3k ٜ۪ꥇ໋۬

By continuing to read beyond this point, you have agreed to the trigger warnings and to be at least of the age of 18. The author does not hold any responsibility whatsoever for your actions.

Some might assume that Gepard would be one of the safest Yandere to be around but assumptions such as this are exactly what make him so dangerous.

It is obvious that someone raised to be the protector of Jarilo-VI would care a lot about the ones surrounding him. That does not mean that he himself does not crave the warmth of knowing that others look out or worry about him. Sadly, this does not happen often outside of his own family. The soldiers fighting alongside him on the battlefield see him as an impenetrable wall and most people of Belobog were never really confronted with the horrors behind the city walls so they do care, to some extent, but also think that everything will be fine and don’t really worry much more.

Gepard is someone who separates work and private relationships very well. There are some outliers such as Pela whom he also respects as a person but mostly he intentionally makes sure not to get too involved with his subordinates. He knows more than enough horror stories about authority being misused just because one officer was closer to their superior than others and he would like to avoid that. As such, you would need to be someone not working under him in the army, like some paper pusher in the city or a civilian. The first option is much more possible in ending in at least a platonic relationship between the two of you since he would not even approach civilians unless it is necessary. There is too much to do and too little time. Despite acting like the perfect captain, he is also in soul a tired sales assistant. Whenever he hears someone talking about him when he is passing by, a small “please no” flashes through his head before being replaced with burning shame about his thoughts. He is meant to protect his people, not push them away for Qlipoth sake.

You need to be able to keep relationships even though you might not see that person for a long time. Gepard is more than capable of that since it really is all he has ever known but most don’t want to put the work into such a connection so he is lonelier than expected. So when you approach him when he returns from the front lines after three months of not hearing a single thing from him he is more than elated. He will not show it. The only indicator of his emotions is him clearing his throat before addressing you in a kind tone. You really are a blessing for him, in a platonic and romantic way. On the subject of relationships, being away from peaceful civilization is only one reason as to why he is secretly distant to others. The Landau family is one of the most powerful, important and subsequently richest families of humanity's last bastion. Even if he wants to believe that you mean no harm and only want a genuine connection with him, there is always that shadow of doubt. What if you only want to be with him for power, money or something else? He knows that he can be a bit uptight from time to time (actually most of the time) so accepting that someone would accept him despite his behavior is almost foreign to him.

For goodness sake, please take him on walks in the Underworld. He can’t really show his face in the Overworld without being seen like some sort of animal in a Zoo but the former closed-off place offers him some freedom. Keyword: some. The blonde hair and blue eyes are a trademark which screams “old money Family Landau”. As such he is forced to wear a casual set of clothing and something to cover at least his hair. The first time you snuck him as a normal person down there he felt the tip of his ears burning the entire time. The captain prays that he does not stumble upon Serval in this state, he would never hear the end of it if he did. It would also take you a long time to get to this point. Because of seeing each other so rarely, the process is very delayed. You can ask him out like this at the earliest point after four years, three if you got lucky and he returned more often than usual for a few times and even then he is reluctant to agree. Even after he finally agreed for the first time there is still a good chance of him declining the next trip. He has to make sure that every single base of his work life is covered so if one is not, he cannot accompany you, cue him staring angrily at his crawling in the middle of the night.

But actions such as inviting him to sneak out like a teenager are exactly what draw him into you. Gepard is being told by the entire population of his planet, although it being comparatively small in comparison to others, how he needs to behave, to be and even how he needs to be in his private time. How dare he be a person? The small moments he gets with you are exactly what he needs. His sisters are the only ones who accept him no matter what but that is because they themselves carry the burden which is etched into everything they are and will be called Landau. For an outsider to offer him their friendship with no strings attached is honestly really special to him. He treasures your friendship like no other and before he knows it, he starts to notice those feelings deepen.

One might think he would not notice the shift since casual dating is impossible with his schedule and also not something he can allow himself with, once again, his family ties. Surprisingly, he is very aware what they mean though. Gepard is forced to be in tune with his emotions and body if he does not want to burn out and crash one day and as such, he will one day jolt up in one of the tents on the front line at three in the morning. Though, how he approaches you is a different matter. You have shown him a life oh so free of constraints and burdens. Of course he loves the cheers whenever he returns from the front lines with good news, a warmth spreading inside his chest whenever he sees how safe his home is but those memories hold something special. There is no grandeur from won battles, only the knowledge that perhaps this time he can allow himself to fall into your arms and finally relax.

Despite his realisation, Gepard takes some time before he approaches you with this which does not mean there are no changes in his behavior. Before, he was always alright with you spending time with whomever you wanted to. You are not a child, of course he trusts you to look after yourself but lately there has been a shift. He always pulls you closer to himself with some sort of excuse whenever someone approaches. Sometimes it’s snow caught in your hair, other times a smudge of dirt on your face but he always stares deeply into your eyes, pupils so small they might be shooting like needles into your mind. Perhaps he is just tired from work and too happy to see you? Who knows…

Because there is so little he is allowed to have without sharing with his homeland, he is one of the most dangerous Yanderes out there. The time and body of this man is practically owned by the people of Belobog and as such, he does not allow anyone to take I you away from him. It is not a question if you end in a romantic relationship, it is when. Failure is not an option. This does not mean he will suddenly come to you with a ring. Gepard is busy, not an idiot. He is more than aware that such a thing would just scare you away (nevermind keeping his clean slate in the social world as it is) and as such, starts small. At first he offers you his arm so he may escort you. The action is a bit outdated but nobles are like that in some ways. He plays the part of the kind friend so well you don’t even notice that all he wants to do is take you by the waist, twirl you around and press his lips against your own which, considering how tight he curls his other hand into a fist, is an impressive feat.

Sooner than later though he would approach you and finally confess. He had just to take care of a few things before being able to drag you into his life like this. Becoming his partner would mean that you would be elevated to a higher status even if your relationship ever ended, which is not part of the guards plan of course. Not only for the good of your social standing but also for your own safety. There are more than enough people salty about how they are treated in comparison to nobles and as such, being in a relationship bears its own risks. No need to fear though. At the point of him confessing he will have taken precautions just in case and he also expects you to move into his family home not too far in the future. The thought of being away from you starts to become unbearable even though he is forced most of the time to go to places most would not even dream of going to. When he is gone, he makes sure you are watched over by the city guards. He claims it’s for the mentioned safety risks but he also doesn’t know what he would do should you get into a situation where you would clearly need help but can’t ask for it.

Now, Gepard is not unfamiliar with the concept of romance. The only reason you won’t see him do more than hold your hand in public (oh goodness, what a scandal) but that is mostly because he thinks that such gestures should be enjoyed in privacy. Partially to blame is his upbringing but also the thought of some other person witnessing such intimate moments, becoming part of them, makes his blood boil. Every millisecond with you is sacred. He would never harm another person so he takes his frustrations out on the front lines. Not too long ago his advisers reported to Bronya that their captain had gotten a bit too violent when facing enemies…

When he is alone with you though, expect long hugs whilst sharing your warmth at the fireplace. Despite being so secretive about your relationship in the public, he is incredibly fast when he and you are alone. He would never cross a boundary and wait if you are not yet ready but once you give the ok you are fair game to him. Gepard never gets too rough with you. He always holds you like you are made out of glass and, in comparison to his body, you probably are. Sometimes the relationship feels too good to be true though. There is nothing you need or would feel like asking for but when was the last time you saw your friends or, if you are still in contact with them, family? It was a bit strange when they told you all within a short timespan that they would need to move to a remote location in the Underground for a job. Fewer and fewer letters arrive before finally there is nothing for you in the mailbox anymore as well. This is, of course, a certain captain's doing. He rationalises this in his head he was just making sure no one dangerous would use them to get close to you but at the end of the day, there is a tiny speck within himself which admits that these were actions out of petty jealousy. He really didn’t do anything to harm them, just pulling a few strings to get them relocated. Gepard is a gentle and thoughtful person by nature so even if he was born in the Underworld he would not default to actions meant to harm someone.

But on some occasions, you catch a glimpse of something behind his eyes. You once told the blonde of a maid you befriended during his absence. One month later she was gone. You also rarely leave the house at that point. Gepard would never delegate you to a position such as a trophy-partner but whenever you do step outside it is with him. He will never tell you that you can’t leave on your own but your life became so dependent on him at some point. As someone so close to him he probably told you the horrors of the snow plains and as such, his missing presence is the more frightening. He may have overdone it a bit in some of his tales but he probably has so much happening to him out there some details are not as clear as they could be.

Gepard knows that it’s dirty to keep you all to himself but you are just so addictive. You still have your job, do things you like and everything else a free person can do but he makes sure you could never leave him. There is no need for balled fists or harsh words. The only thing he needs to do is tell you how you are like the ocean to him; something described as beautiful yet also out of the Belebogians reach. He keeps that last part to himself but if he could have a say in your life without you leaving him immediately he would make you stay in his quarters forever. He can’t do that though. Everyone knows about the Captains darling and your disappearance would raise way too many eyebrows.

As such, he simply pulls a few strings from behind the scenes whilst showering you with love. Don’t leave him. You are the most important person in his life and kind of a monster if you were to pack your bags. Belobog would probably also rip you in half with the rumors and nevermind getting your life back on two legs after all of this…

Do not copy, translate or use my work without my permission. All rights belong to the author.

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

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[justwonder113]

Sharing a bed with Felix

Part two here

Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; IN;

My Masterlist

Summary: What happens when you're having a panic attack in the middle of the library and the one to reach out for you and help you is actually a someone you kind of hate?

Warning: NOT PROOFREAD! (literally I can not stress this enough); cursing as always. The reader is gender neutral. The reader thinks Felix is fake and doesn't trust them. GRAPHIC DESCRIBTIONS OF A PANIC ATTACK AND SELFHATE. Reader struggles with procrastination.

A/N- this is more platonic fic than romantic, but I will write a part two of this which will actually be romantic and more appropriate for the series name. I hope you'll like it. Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated^^

Word count- 3.9k

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

You hated this. You hated how you had no control. You hated how everything slipped through your fingers. You hated how you always knew better but still always ended up making the same damn mistake. God you hated how you were stuck in this damn loop. How you had to deal with the same shit over and over again. You hated how only you were the to blame for it. You hated how you were having one of the most horrible mental breakdowns you have ever had now when you should be studying! You hated how you had almost no time to study. You hated how it was all your fault. You hated how you procrastinated doing your damn job till last minute as always. You hated how even your laptop stared at you, mocking you, reminding you how imperfect you were. God you really hated this.

Angrily wiping your tears, you tried to resume reading with keyword being trying. Your vision was so blurry you couldn’t even decipher a word, which frustrated you even further. You should have started studying earlier! Not just cram everything into your brain when the exam was literally two days away.

Why did you have to be this way? Why couldn’t you just be normal? Why did you always have to learn the hard way? Why couldn’t you learn from your mistakes? You knew you were better than that. You knew that you could be so much more. Why were you the one holding you back? Why couldn’t you get over yourself? Why couldn’t you just learn your lesson?

Taking a deep breath you started to read the sentence again. You have probably read this damn paragraph 15 times already, still you had no clue what was written there. Why couldn’t you just focus? You didn’t have time to waste damn it!

God this was so frustrating. You could hate yourself and how you functioned any time later, you would have all the time for it. Not now! This was just not the time!

Why was the screen so damn blurry! You couldn’t see shit like this! It was as if your vision line was getting narrower and narrower. Your heart clenched in pain as you took shallow breaths. You looked at your empty water bottle. You needed some water. Surely it would help you.

Standing up, your legs felt a little wobbly but you decided to push through it.

You needed to drink some water.

You were just panicking before an exam.

Nothing special.

Nothing to fret about.

You just needed to calm down.

Yes.

You just needed to drink some water.

Unable to walk more than two steps you crouched down. Your whole body felt like it was being crushed by something unimaginably heavy from every side. Like the room itself was closing in on you. You could hear muffled sounds coming from all around you but it was like you were in whole another universe.

You clutched your chest, your heart felt like it would burst any second now, you felt your own heartbeat in every part of your body beating so rapidly, you felt like giant drums were beating in your temples.

You didn’t know how to describe this but it was almost like your life was flashing before your eyes. If it was actually so, weren’t you supposed to see the best parts of your life? Some good memories, you would gladly relive again and again. Why were you seeing every moment of your life where you felt like an absolute failure. All the moments where you just simply hated yourself and your ways. And to make it worse every memory, every flashback felt like a stab to your heart. Like it was a physical reminder of how much you had failed in your life, how much of a failure you were.

Tears burned your eyes as you tried your best to hold them in, but quickly enough one of them escaped, quickly followed by another and soon enough you were crying uncontrollably. Your body trembling uncontrollably.

You hated this.  You wanted this to stop. You needed to control yourself. This was no time and place to have a breakdown like this. You were afraid. You were terrified. You needed this to stop. You needed something to hold on to. Someone to hold you. You wanted to feel like you were not alone. Something, just something to gasp on to. You were afraid. So afraid…

“Here drink this.” You heard soft but deep voice and a gentle touch on your shoulder. You knew this voice.

Felix looked at you with furrowed eyebrows as he held in a water bottle for you as he kneeled down next to you.

Not feeling like the protesting you accepted it. Forcing yourself you took a few gulps. The cool water was refreshing.

“Drink some more, you will feel better.” Felix gently encouraged you.

You took few more gulps. You felt like throwing up but still forced yourself to drink it. Coldness of the water was actually somewhat helping you.

“That’s it, good job. You will be fine okay?” You heard Felix say. “You will get through this okay? I’m with you.” His voice was so kind, so gentle.

Wanting, no, needing something to anchor you down you grabbed onto his hand that he had on his knee. Without saying anything Felix interwened your fingers and held you just as tight as you were holding onto him.

“Breathe with me okay?” Felix encouraged you and started breathing deeply as if to guide you. Why was he even kind to you? You always made sure to avoid him and to just treat him coldly whenever you interreacted. He had no reason to help you.

As you tried to mirror him and take deep breaths memories of how coldly you treated him coldly flashed before you. As if you weren’t already feeling shitty enough you got hit by a wave of shame. Your inability to trust people had nothing to do with him. Whole reason you didn’t vibe with him and brushed him off whenever he tried to talk to you and get closer to you was because you just couldn’y believe a person could be this warm and kind. It just looked impossible to you. You always thought he was hiding something, that this was all just an act, that he was just deceiving everyone, so you kept your distance. And here you were now accepting help from him, clinging to him all pathetically. You just couldn’t control yourself, the only anchor for you right now was Felix. You actually felt like you could die if you let go of him.

 Another wave of fresh tears covered your face, god you felt so bad that you were mean to him. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry!” You could hear yourself vail, but it was as if your own voice didn’t belong to you, it was as if it belong to someone else entirely.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about okay? This happens sometimes, I got you, you will get through it okay?” He gave you such a kind smile. You never really had noticed how beautiful he actually looked. Looking him like this, you could swear you could see a halo around him. God you had been so blind.

“No, no. I am sorry!” You took a deep breath. “I’ve been such a dick to you, you didn’t deserve that.” You sobbed out finally, clutching tightly onto him.

Felix looked at you for a second. “Okay I know now is not the time but since you’re the one who started talking about it…” Felix paused for a second looking unsure. “Why do you hate me?”

Hate him? No you could never hate him. He had nothing for you to hate him.

“I don’t hate you.”- you shook your head.

“Then why are you cold towards me? You’re so kind with everyone else.” Felix looked genuinely curious.

You shook your head again. You were feeling a bit more calm now but the fresh wave of embarrassment made you take a few steps back. You covered your face with your hands. “This is embarrassing.”

You felt Felix gently pat your shoulder. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me.”

You sat in the silence for a minute or two. Felix never stopped patting your back gently, he also didn’t let go of your hand. You felt at peace with him, which is why it made you feel even more bad to hide the truth from him.

God you were acting so immature. You took a deep breath to give yourself more courage. “No, you deserve an explanation.” Pausing for a second you took another deep breath. “It’s just I have hard time trusting people. And seeing how you were always this ball of sunshine, how no one had anything bad to say about you and how everyone just loved you I thought that you were not a genuine person. I thougth that you were fake acting all sweet and kind. I just, I don’t know, I tend to avoid people I don’t or can’t trust. I should have been more civil about it though, or at least I should have given you a chance. I regret my decisions now, so I am sorry.”

The silence fell. God he must have thought you were dumb for hating him for such idiotic reason. It was quite ridiculous though, you realized that once you said it out loud.

The silence was soon overtaken by booming sound of his laughter. His whole body was shaking as he laughed wholeheartedly.

“Wait you’re telling me that you acted this way because you thought that I couldn’t just be kind and sweet so I had to be faking it?” He sounded like he couldn’t believe his ears. You didn’t expect this type of reaction but as long as he wasn’t mad or sad or anything similar?

“I know it’s ridiculous!” God you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

Felix wiped his tear, his eyes shining on the dim light of the library. “It is. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.” He looked at you for a second, his eyes full of mischief. ”It is quite cute though.”  Seeing your head whip at him in shock Felix chuckled again. “I thought all this time that I made you upset about something! You know what I’m glad this is just a misunderstanding.”

“I feel embarrassed. This is so stupid!” You hid your face again.

“I mean it is silly but this could have happened to anyone. It’s no big deal really. Tell you this!” Felix let go of your hand and stood up. He held in his hand in front of you smiling sweetly. “Hey my name is Lee Yongbok Felix, I think you’re really cool want to be friends?”

You couldn’t really believe your ears. “Are you for real?”

“Oh definetly! I have had a friend crush on you since forever!”

“What’s a friend crush?”

“Oh you know like when you have a crush on someone you’re like want them to be your partner right? Well when you have a friend crush you’re like damn I want to be that person’s friend so bad!”

“So you’re saying you looked at me and thought damn I want to be that person’s friend so bad?”

“Yes.Pretty much so.”

“Damn I was right you’re not all that perfect! You’re actually quite crazy.”

“Meh who isn’t a bit mental. You were just having a panic attack for starters. By the way I’m glad you’re back to your senses.”

“Oh yeah, thanks. Also, foul joke.” To make your point across you glared at him

Felix grinned. “Get used to it, some say I’m quite a menace. So do you wanna be my friend?” He asked as if he didn’t just admit he was annoying.

God this was so unserious. “Yeah sure. I do!”

“Great! Now get up, let’s eat something. I’m starving!” Was he actually shining? The dude was maybe literal walking sunshine.

“You are quite straightforward.”

“You should also get used to that. Also the fact that I’m amazing! I just happened to order some takeout! I was about to tell you when I saw you on the floor.” God You couldn’t believe you just had a panic attack in the middle of library.

“Are we even allowed to eat in library?” You asked once you actually realized Felix said he had takeout.

Felix’s laugh was something of gremlins. “No, but lucky for us there’s no one to tell us anything.” – He sounded so proud it actually made you smile. But something was off what did he mean there was no one to tell you anything.

“Wait what do you mean?” What time even was it?

“It’s almost twelve. The library is closed.” You looked around, you two really were only ones around. You really outdid yourself huh.

“Wait we’re stuck here?” That was quite something to manage to do.

“Well no, because I have a key of this place.” Felix took them out of his hoodie pocket to show you large set of keys.

“How do you have a key to this place?”

“My friend works here, he was about to close up and wanted to let you know that you should go but you seemed so immersed in your work I told him that he should let you be. He gave me the key to close up. He lives nearby so I can give him keys later.”

“Why did you wait for me? Don’t you have to go home? You should have told me to wrap my shit up and go.” You really wondered what was reasoning behind his action.

“Now this is embarrassing.” Felix muttered, looking shy all of a sudden. He couldn’t even hold your gaze.

“Felix?”

“I got here because I love how quiet and peaceful it is here, Seungmin had been yapping about this book and I finally had the time to read it. I saw that you were here. I even thought I would come to say hi but you seemed immersed in your study. Then hours passed and you didn’t even get up and I got worried. My friend told me that he had to close up soon and before I even knew it I was asking him for his keys and promising I would lock up. I then ordered some takeout because you hadn’t eaten anything and I remembered how you were recommending this place to Minho earlier. So the food got here I got it, I was about to tell you to stop eating and then I saw that you were crying and well here we are now. I am yapping aren’t I? Does this make me sound like a stalker? I just wanted to do something nice.” Felix talked so fast you were amazed how he even managed to breathe between the words.

Trying to calm him down you placed your hands on Felix’s shoulder. “Thank you, for thinking about me. I don’t think you’re a stalker. I won’t say anything like that while you have the keys to this place and food! I have to be on your good side now more than ever don’t I?”

“You’re quite something huh.” - Felix groaned out, but he looked amused.

“Hey you’re the one crushing on me.” You couldn’t help yourself but tease.

“Okay I said friend crush!” Felix tried to defend himself but you didn’t let him.

“Tomato tomato, same shit.” It somewhat weirded you out for a second how comfortable you got with him this quickly but somehow you didn’t really mind.

“It’s not!” Felix pouted. Damn you sure like to tease.”

“You should get used to it. Also to the fact that I’m freaking awesome.” Before you could even realize you were smiling, without a care in the world. Like minutes ago you weren’t feeling like you were at your all time lowest.

“Come on oh the awesome one, let’s eat before the food get’s cold.”

The food was actually just what you needed. It immediately brough you sense of comfort. It was kind of funny, both of you were so hungry apparently that none of you said a word as you ate. The silence was comforting. It wasn’t the kind where one of you had to force yourselves to talk. It wasn’t suffocating. It felt just right.

“Are you feeling better?” Felix asked after a while.

Taking a deep breath you nodded. You should have known he would ask something eventually. “I am feeling better. I don’t know what came over me earlier.” God you felt embarrassed talking and overall recalling how you had a panic attack in the library. Thank god it was only you and Felix here and no one else saw this whole shitshow.

“You don’t have to talk about it, but I want you to know I’m here if you need someone to talk to okay?” Felix sounded so sincere, it really tugged on your heartstrings.

“I appreciate it.” – you said it and you actually meant it. It was good to hear that there was someone rooting for you and telling you could lean on them. But you still felt bad. “Sorry for misjudging you.”

“We’re good.” Felix smiled gently and turned towards you.  “What do you think about getting something tasty later?” -His voice was cheerful and kind. How did he even manage to be so outgoing and welcoming? It was really beyond you. It did intrigue you. You were sure you could learn much from him.

“We just ate though, are you still hungry?” He sure had an appetite huh.

Felix chuckled and shook his head. “No no, I’m not hungry. I am suggesting you pick somewhere you want to go, or something specific you want to eat, so when you nail your exam we will have plans for our friend date along with a cause.” God he was ridiculous. He said it like it was such a matter of fact you couldn’t help but mirror his smile. But it still stung inside. Would you nail that exam though? You would be lucky if you didn’t fail.

“Hey stop that!” Felix’s voice brought you back to reality. Felix looked at you sternly. “You will do great on that exam. I am sure of it. Even if you don’t that’s not an end of the world. You can always retake it. BUT I am hundred percent sure you will do great.”

“I’m not sure Felix. I really slacked off. I should have started studying earlier. I don’t know if I will manage to go over all of the material in time. God it is stressing me so much! I really should get back to studying!” God you wasted so much time. How could you be reckless. You didn’t have time to waste. Every minute counted.

“No way! You need to rest!” Felix protested but you shook your head.

“I don’t have time to rest Felix.”

“Listen, there’s no way you can efficiently study without letting your brain rest once in a while. You spent hours studying. And I got here late, god knows how much time you spent with your laptop before I got here. You should get some sleep.” You hated how he was right. But even if you went to rest you weren’t sure if it even would you sleep.

You tried to say something but Felix didn’t let you. “No! You’re going home. I have to close up the library anyways!”

“Oh now you have to close up.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

Felix grinned triumphantly. “Convenient isn’t it?”

“Look at him having power of having library keys go up his head! You’re blinded by power Felix!” You grumbled as you walked towards your stuff. You could hear Felix laugh as he also gathered everything.

“More so, you should come with so I won’t do something drastic. You should control me.” Felix yelled over from over the other side of the room.

“Now that power will surely go over my head but since you’re asking me so nicely…”

“You’re a menace you know that right?”

“Proud one too.” Maybe you really should get some rest and resume in the morning.

***

You were woken up by a sound of buzzing. When did you even fall asleep? God you didn’t want to get up you felt so cozy. Why was waking up especially hard when you had to get up! Damn life was unfair sometimes.

You didn’t even remember how you got home. Or how you got to sleep.

Felix insisted to walk you home, because it was late. You invited him inside for a drink. You talked for a while. And then… That was blank.

Another buzz from a phone and your pillow shifted.

Well that was weird. Why did your pillow move? You sure as hell didn’t. Not to be dramatic but you would rather die right now than move.

“God, what time is it?” Sound of a groggy male voice sent shivers down your spine and not the good kind.

What the fuck?

You quickly got up to see that your pillow was actually Felix’s thigh. Felix looked just as confused as you were. You two were in your house, laying on your sofa. You were whining how you weren’t sure you would even be able to rest and you fell asleep on top of Felix? Damn you sure were something else.

“Felix?”

“That’s me?”

An awkward silence fell. You felt awkward, you had actually no idea what to do or to say.

“I guess we fell asleep.” Felix awkwardly chuckled. “I’m sorry for invading your privacy like this. I should have left the moment I made sure you got home safe.” Felix muttered sheepishly. He looked kind of cute with his hair sticking around in every direction, and him looking a bit dazed. You weren’t even going to talk about how hot his voice sounded. Was it weird to feel attracted to a friend you technically just made? He was objectively beautiful though, so maybe you weren’t in the wrong to appreciate his beauty. And your mind was spiraling again.

“No!” You quickly gathered yourself. “No, no. You did nothing wrong. I was the one who literally slept on you so I should be saying sorry.”

Felix quickly shook his head, looking defensive. “No, you don’t have to say sorry. I don’t mind physical touch. I’m quite clingy with my friends and since I consider you my friend I don’t mind it at all! I don’t want YOU to be uncomfortable.” God he was cute. You could barely restrain yourself from smiling.

“Actually, it was one of the few times I actually slept like a baby so maybe I should thank you instead. I really needed that rest, I feel refreshed.”

Felix grinned and for a second he really looked like a cat.“Told ya so.”

“Okay don’t get ahead of yourself now!” You scolded as you watched him chuckle. He was quite ridiculous and somewhat even weird but you actually looked quite forward to being friends with him.

Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated ❤️

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

Taglist (comment if you want to be added^^): @velvetmoonlght @notastraykid @annie-boleyn

[aihoshiino]

Do you think Kamiki cares about the twins?

I think that's something a lot messier than a binary yes/no answer. Above and before anything else, Kamiki obviously has some very fraught and very understandable hangups when it comes to fatherhood which would put a huge block on being able to bond with any of his kids - if that was even something if he wanted in the first place. Like, to be clear, not wanting kids and not feeling bonded to kids that you did not have the intent of conceiving is not a moral failure or anything! But it does definitely complicate things.

'Complicated' is the keyword there, I think. There are moments where it seems like he might feel some sense of fondness for them and it even comes up in at least one moment where he doesn't really have any need to put on an 'act', so I do think it's genuine to a degree. He seems especially fond of Ruby and a bit more distant/disdainful of Aqua, which is probably a reflection of his own self-hatred (projected onto Aqua) and continued reverence for Ai (projected onto Ruby) colouring his emotions regarding the twins.

147 is particularly interesting in that regard - not only does he give Ruby some genuinely good advice with regards to what she's opening up about, but his motivations for approaching her in the first place are also themselves unclear. And then obviously there's the moment of him reaching out to Ruby with his hoshigans briefly flashing white:

This is obviously and deliberately framed in a sinister way to make it look like he's about to, idk, shove Ruby down the stairs or something but as I pointed out previously when this chapter first dropped, this is the first (and at the time of writing that post, only) time we'd ever seen the real Hikaru without black hoshigans. Not just that but in the panel basically immediately following that by the time Akane reaches them both, they're already at the bottom of the stairs and on ground level. So, uh... where was he going to push her from exactly?

Coming back at this from the tail end of the series, it also stands out to me that if this WAS supposed to be a genuine attempt on Ruby's life then this would be wayyyyyy out of line with Hikaru's established pathology and methods. Even ignoring the whole stupid ass serial killer cult bullshit that got retconned into the ending, Hikaru is always portrayed as someone who commits crime indirectly and doesn't dirty his hands by actively getting involved. Shoving someone down the stairs (in broad daylight, where literally anyone could spot it lmao) is pretty direct! So even now, I feel pretty confident that he wasn't making an attempt on Ruby's life, especially since he seems pretty at peace with 15 Year Lie's existence and what it might do to his reputation. If he was happy to submit himself to Aqua (and Ruby's) judgement at that time, then killing the lead actress would obviously be a spanner in the works he'd be inclined to avoid.

So I do think Hikaru has some relatively fond feelings for the twins... but I do also think those feelings mostly stem from their connection to Ai and their being an enduring symbol of her influence on and existence in the world. In that sense, I think the first words we hear Hikaru ever says about either of the kids are quite telling - he attributes the positive traits he sees in Ruby as coming from being his and Ai's child.

Similarly, if we go back that white hoshigan flash, it comes in a moment where Hikaru is obviously seeing something of Ai in Ruby.

In other words, Hikaru holds some proxy fondness for them as extensions of his love for & relationship with Ai... but I don't really get the sense that he feels a particularly deep connection or sense/duty of care towards them outside of that context. He never makes any effort to enter the twins' lives nor does he really seem to want to be a part of them even before the whole murder thing. During the breakup, when Ai tells him she's pregnant, Hikaru never actually mentions the baby even once - his 'let's get married' is about preventing the breakup and he doesn't express any interest in or desire to meet or have access to his kid(s), even though it certainly wouldn't hurt his chances at getting her to slide back into their comfy codependence if they were coparenting and thus still in each others' lives.

He also never reaches out to her in the years following, before or after Ai's death - like, obviously, from a Doylist perspective, Hikaru turning up to be like 'hey I'm your dad btw' would suddenly and irreversibly change the genre of Oshi no Ko to loony toons comedy of baby Aqua trying to murder his dad every day Wile E. Coyote style, but this is still characterization that occurs (or rather, pointedly fails to occur) on page and is something to take into account. Ultimately, it's Ai who ends up trying to push for Hikaru to meet the twins, which he immediately tries to derail into talk of them getting back together and then uses as an in to... well, we all know how THAT turned out.

Actually - the way Hikaru talks about The Ryosuke-ing is another really interesting indication to me that the twins just... don't really take up a lot of real estate in his head? As he puts it in 154:

I do genuinely believe Hikaru here when he says he fully did not expect Ai to end up dead when he sent Ryosuke to the apartment but even the best interpretation of his words here are that he was betraying the trust she had put in him and sending someone to frighten and torment her in her own home. But at no point does it seem like the kids were ever a factor in this decision - not even a "well if the kids get scared that'll upset her even more" or "oh FUCK i never even considered what this would do to the kids". Obviously this is a super speedy exchange and we see shockingly little of Hikaru's post-breakup self outside of exposition dumps so there's not a ton of insight into his mindset at the time. But I DO think it's interesting.

So because of... [gestures vaguely up post] ALL OF THIS, the impression I get from the text is that Hikaru's fondness for the twins is more out of an inherited sense of attachment to them as his and Ai's children as opposed to him feeling any sort of deeply paternal feelings for them by default or any real sense of deep attachment to them.

And, like - again, I want to be clear, not feeling a bond to kids you did not plan to conceive or not feeling a desire to be in your kids' lives is not A Moral Failing, obviously. Honestly, the impression I get from Hikaru is that he's still so tangled up in the trauma aftermath of Airi's abuse and his relationship and breakup with Ai that it's kind of fucked up his ability to form meaningful connections with other people in his life. This is even kind of an issue when it comes to his relationship with Ai - he doesn't seem to be able to conceptualize of having a relationship with her that isn't romantic and codependent in nature. This, I think contributes to his black/white (heh) view of her feelings for him - where he concludes, essentially, that if Ai didn't love him then she must never have cared for him at all in any way shape or form.

[dr-spectre]

Hey I was wondering how you felt about the idea of hypnoshade Callie or the hypnoshades themselves being an addiction for her(or others if they get their hands on them).

I personally rather like since we already see Callie struggle with Idol life after Splatoon 1 and, like many that struggle with the stress of work, take it out with a vice. For some that might be smoking or drinking.

For Callie it would be heading down into the domes and listen to DJ Octavio , a known enemy from the NSS's perspective, and get hypnoshaded. Either willingly or unwillingly. (but most likely the former)

it would also explain the refights as Callie going back, like a smoker, for another hit after it has gotten to much to bare.

And just like someone being drunk, they are still themselves. We can even see this in game with Callie making music with the Octarians.

Double's down with Marie as well, helping Callie get throught an addiction. For Callie it might be an addiction to escape from inkling idol culture, or as it's implied with the scrolls. An escape from feeling alone, maybe even hated by her fans or inkoplois at large. (what with the catalyst being a lost popularity contest, and in splatoon lore. She is by LAW the worst squid sister.)

So uh just wondering if you like this take, or if the topic of hypnoshades just makes you barf on contact now. (not that I blame you)

(I also rambled a bit too long lul)

Hmm, I've had this take for a while where "Callie ends up getting addicted to the shades due to the relaxing and concentrating properties of hypnosis and how her life after Splatoon 2 still hasn't changed a bit."

The root problems of Callie's mental anguish are that she's very busy and lonely. Sure, she has Marie back, but the busy part is still there. She mentions that she has to remember lines for a script when she gets home and the acting gig probably still gives her a FUCK TON of stress. So she puts on the shades as a bad coping mechanism and would rather help the Octarians than go back to celebrity life.

You notice how in Splatoon 3, they never mention Callie's acting gig aside from Side Order talking about Callie's TV appearances for one line and the most recent relationship mentioning that Pearl watched it? Keyword: watched, past tense. That drama Callie was once in, she probably doesn't do it anymore because Callie herself never talks about it. Instead, Callie now just focuses on writing music for the Squid Sisters and working with Marie. Her schedule is MUCH BETTER NOW!

And because she's made significant improvements in her schedule, she doesn't need the hypnoshades to cope anymore and she can focus on further improving her relationship with Marie. That's why it's so fucking rock solid in Splatoon 3.

And that's also why Callie is able to go back to making TV appearances again and feeling MUCH MORE confident and feeling like she can handle it.

All of this to say is.... THE TAKE THAT CALLIE IS AN IDIOT WHO PUT THE SHADES BACK ON BECAUSE SHE IS DUMB IS THE WORST FUCKING TAKE IMAGINABLE AND ULTIMATELY UNDERMINES THE INTERESTING DEPTH AND NUANCE THAT COULD BE AT PLAY HERE!!!! STOP TREATING LIKE CALLIE SHES AN ACTUAL AIRHEAD!!!!! SHE WOULDNT PUT ON THE SHADES AGAIN IF THEY "brainwashed her and removed her memories" THAT WOULD BE FUCKING TRUMATIC FOR ANYONE!!!! IT JUST HYPNOTISES HER AND HYPNOSIS IS KNOWN TO BE A FUCKING METHOD USED IN TREATING MENTAL ILLNESS OR ADDICTION!!!!

OKAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! Cool! Awesome! Glad we're on the same page!!!

[cerberus-new-owner]

WHOOOOOO week late birthday present to me from me

thank you me

your very welcome me

did i speed write like over half of this like 4 minutes ago (as im editing this and adding the intro on tumblr) yes, yes i did

But anywaysssss onto the cw

CW: like none (i hope), gn mc, mc and the characters relationships can be taken as platonic or romantic, fluffffff

Lucifer

the same pen every year but, its not just him stealing it from mc's room to rewarp it he has a box full of the exact same pens if one of them has a slight defect he will write a letter to the company that made the pens and send the damaged pen with it (mc shouldn't mention the fact that they've gotten the exact same pen from him four years in a row his pride will be hurt and he will just start engraving their name into the pens never know he may eventually switch it up and put a cute little nickname or something on the pen instead of just 'mc'), either that or he listens very closely and pays attention to what mc might need throught the year need a new desk at some point cause satan broke theirs placing a book down consider it bought mc dropped their bag in a puddle and need a new laptop it's theirs. sadly though he will only get them things that are practical hat they say they need so no jewlery or devices you already have that work fine unless mc can come up with a good excuse as to why the latest tech is needed for studying, there is the odd chance he may get them a bottle of demonus thinking 'they seem to like the taste of it even if it doesn't affect them' (doesn't matter what he gets mc the pens will always be given to them as a fun little bonus prize)

Mammon

anything and everything mc has even looked at for more than half a second is now in their room they mentioned a certain idk (whats something a half sane sheep that has to babysit like 9 demons 2 angels and a sorcerer on daily basis look at in a store oh well) mc mentions something they saw the other day that caught their eye his broke ass is looking for the cheapest deal he can find (or most expensive depends on if he has goldie or not) and buying it

Satan

like lucifer mans will think practical things and like himself he thinks books are the most practical things of all of course cats are fairly high on his list of practical things (they are a must have unless you're allergic to them if you're allergic to them im sorry cats cause you pain, then again they cause most people pain tiny little fluffy a holes that i love continuing) he will be bothering mc about their choice in books asking alot of questions along the lines of 'what genre are you most into' 'mc whos your favourite author' 'fiction or non-fiction' all in attempt to figure out what mc likes if mc isn't really into books and is into idk sports or gardening something like that he will search endlessly to find an interesting book to give mc on one of their hobbies and if they don't like the book he can always "borrow" them to learn more about mc's likes and hobbies

Asmodeus

feel like this is a no brainer but some kind of spa day or outfit (wait new headcannon alert what if he knows how to sew and occasionally makes clothes for himself for y'know when theres nothing new in fashion or theres an important event he cant find anything fabulous to wear but occasionally being the keyword he probably uses most of his talent fixing rips in satan shirts from satans outbursts) anyways... he will spend an entire day fawning over mc he will make sure they dont lift a finger god forbid they get a papercut from wrapping paper or worry lines from stressing about how tf they're supposed to sleep when mammons filled their room with gifts

Feel like because of this i should do how they wrap the gifts so this goes for Christmas / any other holidays too so bonusss (this is also who would remember to include a card)

lucifer

plain colour probably in mcs favourite colour no ribbon or anything fancy just plain [insert favourite colour] wrapping paper, he takes pride in wrapping his gifts neatly (he's wrapped the same pen for several years straight he has had practice) he gets a card for mc like the presents wrapping the outside is a plain colour with words relating to whatever celebration it is with either the dryest shit ever written on the inside or the most sappy shit depends on his relationship with mc if its the latter option though we will only give mc the card in private knowing exactly how his brothers would react

mammon

he uses the christmas wrapping paper from two years ago that everyone forgot they had until he called out 'anyone gonna use this wrapping paper i found in the closet' to satan replying 'you know thats christmas wrapping paper right' and mammon taking satan answer as a go ahead to use it, he'd do his best to wrap any gifts he got mc he looks up a tutorial and everything and 100% is proud of his work not matter how messy it looks, if anyone chooses to mention how messily it's wrapped he will say its part of the suspense he will use ribbons and bows to add extra effect

he forgets about aa card entirely

leviathan

ruri-chan wrapping paper wrapped as neatly as possible so the little images line up on every side as perfectly as possible he will spend hours trying to get the folds just right so the images line up nothing fancy like ribbons or bows he'd feel bad if he covered one of the characters so he doesn't bother with it

he panicked about what to write in the card so he gave up deciding that having a marathon with mc was way more important than writing his feelings onto a card

satan

cat wrapping paper or wrapping paper that looks like pages from books he makes any gifts he's wrapped look pretty (just like the pretty boy he is whosaidthat/j) he wraps the gift neatly and puts a little bow on it before writing a heartfelt card and using a little bit of tape to attach it to the wrapped box

asmodeus

picks out the prettiest wrapping paper he can find even if he's just wrapping a card that says "Spa Day!" he is wrapping it neatly with utmost care

he chooses a card based on mc's likes and hobbies of course making sure it's bedazzled and as pretty as possible

beelzebub

two layers of wrapping paper he found one that had images of food on it but halfway through wrapping mc's gift with it he took a bite out of the wrapping paper so he changed wrapping paper to a plain one so he would be somewhat less tempted to eat it

he gets mc a card and starts to write something in it before the writing stops mid word and theres a bunch of crumbs from him eating something forgetting to finish the card and giving it to mc anyways

belphegor

clouds it's very nicely wrapped because he probably went to one of those 'we wrap the presents for you' places and paid them the only part he did himself was the card and he put a tiny bit of effort into it until the writing gets smudged and messy and is that a bit of drool he fell asleep midway through writing oh well guess he better nap with mc to make up for falling asleep

omg what will i do nowwww guess what

boom

double bonus cause i said so

Barbatosss

tea party, tea party, tea party (i like tea) he will invite mc to the castle not only does this mean he gets to celebrate diavolo also gets to celebrate mc's birthday (like diavolo wasn't the one to suggest it, barbatos just anticipated dia asking to invite them over) barbatos will cook mc food from the human realm majority of it being things he heard them say they liked or missed from the human realm occasionally he might throw in a devidom ingredient or two to enhance somethings flavour or to add a fun little surprise (maybe he throws in something to change the colour of their fur for a few minutes who knows) as for the acctual gift part he probably gets mc something small to remind them of him or something practical he's not lucifer when it comes to gifts and may look into the future to see if theres anything mc will need in the near future like maybe their bag is gonna break in the next two weeks and they'll need a new one just so happen barbs gave them a new bag for their birhday the week before perfect

he wraps gifts by himself with a plain wrapping paper of mcs favourite colour and by far out of everyone wraps them the nicest he's lived for a millennia he's had practice wrapping gifts when it comes to writing a card for them he does his best to make it heartfelt and meaningful

soooooo tadaaa i've finished unless people want the others (by people i mean if i were in theory to gain motivation to write for the rest of the characters)

i hope people enjoyed this have a good day, night, brunch, apple, pen (pineapple apple pen)

follow the leader, the leader, the leader, follow the leader right to the masterlist

dangnabit his means im old now too

[ahleidreams]

my lexicon apparatus

one of my main priorities in conlanging from the start is creating a sense of a rich etymological history. that kind of fractal complexity is fiendishly hard to keep track of though (especially for me), and the lexicon apps i've tried in the past haven't really served my purposes, so i've been working on this ridiculous tool in Sheets to keep track of my etymologies without regard to the actual word forms. this would be so much easier if i knew how to do software design but eh. anyway i thought i'd share a bit on how it works.

first i have a basic sheet just for inputting proto roots. i'm very non-committal about my word forms at this stage; many are still blank and most that aren't were auto-generated by Monke (which is great btw). most important is the keyword, which is how i look up entries.

under the hood i have a sheet sorted by keyword which is where the actual lookup happens.

here's where the magic happens. on this sheet i can just build forms using up to three etymon (haven't needed a fourth yet). i just enter the keyword for each etymon into the dropdowns and it looks up the rest of the form, then auto generates a new form that just concatenates the three morphs. this auto-generated form will be the output unless i override it, as we'll see next.

moving right to left, we see how the output is generated: by default, it just outputs the entry data of etymon 1, since in most cases we're only dealing with one morph. however i can use the checkboxes here to enable manual input for the new form. in this image we have a few compound words being created which naturally have new meanings, so we input them manually. it will use the auto-concatenated form unless i need direct control over how the concatenation happens, or in the case of reduplication (i'm not gonna try to automate reduplication). i haven't used the "intermediate forms" columns so much, but it's there just to write notes for irregular sound changes. the "export" columns are the final forms that get sent to their own sheet, again, sorted by keyword. also, this whole time, we've been building up (in hidden columns) a string of text that lets me visually see a summary of the etymology. this gets exported to the sorted sheet as well.

and this process is recursive, i have copies of this sheet for the other stages of my language that take in the data from the previous one.

. . .UNFORTUNATELY . . .

even when using only native Sheets functions, this process can be INCREDIBLY slow. i've split my data into five documents so far, but it only helps so much. it also means i have to manually copy/paste the export data from one document to another all down the line which is more than a little tiresome.

but i think what i have to show for it is more than worth it so far. the modern lexicon has some 200+ entries right now (nowhere near the ~10,000 it would need to be, like, a real language, but a good start). what's more, the forms retain the memory of their etymological history, so i can have forms like this:

that final column is the summary string that's been automatically built up over each stage of the language (though it's less complicated than it looks and the parentheses don't nest properly yet), but i can just look at it and see that this word is the imperfective stem of a transitive verb that means "return" (which is made using a no-longer productive causative suffix on an intransitive root), all with a dative suffix. and i don't have to remember that, and i can change the word forms whenever i please.

this is my most recent addition, which is just a little sheet where i can make sentences and visually see how it breaks up. i've been writing a little fable (which is something i *highly* recommend trying btw, i've made *so* much progress on my lang this way), but i sometimes make mistakes and sometimes forget how the sentence is put together, so having a visual aid like this i think will help me a lot.

it's not a perfect system. the hardest part i think is how slow it is, but it also sucks that when i change a form it can't exactly notify me about everything that will be affected by doing that, especially if i've manually entered a form at some point in that chain. the summary columns make these glitches easy to catch though.

overall this tool has been serving me well, and likely will continue to, so long as it runs at a tolerable speed.

[revvethasmythh]

3, 13, and 23 for the fic writer asks!

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

oh boy. well, firstly let's nix the idea that an outline exists. it doesn't. there is never an outline, even if i tried to make an outline. if i tried to outline, nothing in said outline will happen in the chapter. it's a curse upon my household. i once spent a month working on an outline for a novel and the second i put proverbial pencil to the page i suddenly realized nothing in it was going to work or actually happen. the closest we get to pre-planning is like...i'll pick out a chapter title with the correct vibe for the chapter and maybe a couple lines/keywords to prompt me.

i'm great at starting chapters! my strong suit, honestly. i'll get about halfway before i'm like "okay these people need to stop being so chatty so i can get us back on track and focus on whatever the plot of this is actually supposed to be" so i'll often write out a little guide for myself in the notes section at this point--wait i have an example in my open fic document of what i mean:

('personal stuff (?)' is also my favorite part of this plan, yes).

usually i handwrite these. idk, i think better when i'm writing by hand. i will struggle through a variety of these little guides--i just find them preferable to actual outlining because it's easier to change details of the plan than with something more in-depth--until i finally get to the end of the chapter/fic. i may also leave dialogue prompts in my notes section that i thought up while working on a different part of the chapter to incorporate later. 'leaving prompts for myself' is a big part of the process, i'm realizing

anyway, i love answering questions about my writing process because it really puts on display how it is, at best, criminally chaotic and, at worst, actively bad and does not work. don't do things like i do them, there have to be better ways

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Answered here!

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

i answered a question a little earlier wherein i said i don't really remember or adhere to any particular writing tips, so this is a bit difficult for me. maybe that's my advice, actually--no one's creative process is going to look like yours. perhaps you are incredibly detailed and you NEED to be to make a story work. i run entirely on vibes, curated playlists, and prompts for myself. it can be useful to try on someone else's creative process to see what it feels like and maybe you'll even like some pieces of it and can incorporate those things into your own process, but never try to fit yourself into the box of someone else's process. I did that a lot when i was younger, and I don't think it served me. give yourself the freedom to explore your own process and develop one unique to you.

Ask my a fic writing question!

[infiniteseriesofhalfways]

This is going to be me rambling about overthinking, how different people think differently, and how I can change maybe.

(That was my initial thesis statement before writing and boy howdy was I correct.)

So I like to frequent r/whatsthatbook because I love a good mystery and nothing better to do. My first instinct is to Google* whatever information they've provided, and sometimes it'll end up being one of the first responses. Especially when someone has a screenshot of the text, it's just searching one of the lines.

And everytime I'm like... did you even bother? Because if you had I feel like you would have found it. I'm not saying it's bad or making any judgement, there's nothing wrong with asking for help. But it took equal effort to post the question on Reddit, so... you know?

Whenever I have a question like that I will spend days searching and searching until I'm positive I've exhausted every way of keywording the question, and then I'll waffle about posting it somewhere for several more days, Google some more, waffle some more, and eventually resign myself to being haunted by the question for the rest of my days because I don't know how to ask it without fifty thousand caveats.

If I do post the question somewhere, I do it with a pit in my stomach that I am annoying and lazy and someone will find it with a simple Google search and tell me I'm fucking stupid for not being able to figure it out. The pit will last until it becomes clear that my question has been passed over because no, no one else knows what the fuck I'm talking about either. (Or, as is my first instinct is to assume, everyone knows what it is and I am stupid for not knowing and so I am undeserving of the answer that everyone knows and is laughing at me for not knowing.)

And it's like... I don't have these thoughts about other people. Not in the sense of believing these things about them. I guess in the sense of seeing comments and thinking oh someone is being a dick probably I have thought it. But I like to think that's just internet poisoning. Or whatever. I think the worst insults I can before anyone else gets involved at all, because then I can't be let down? Maybe? I don't know. When it comes to me I know it's born out of you can't hurt me more than I can hurt myself.

I get so stuck when I see other people just... asking questions. Because why can't I do that? Why am I spiraling and hating myself and holding myself to some impossible standard when other people just don't give a shit (positive) Like I'm losing sleep feeling guilty about asking what books have a certain song in them, I know it's not these three that come up when you search it and I've flipped through every book on my shelf that might have it and looked through all my recent reads but can't find it, I'm so sorry please does anyone have any idea, if not you an just kill me I'm so sorry, and other people are asking what's that book series about vampires and werewolves and I think Robert Pattinson was in the movie? And no one thinks that guy should die for it.

I need to find a happy medium, I think. I'm never going to be a person who initially asks for information I can google. Any question I have is always gonna be searched for first and then relayed to others if I can't get an answer I'm confident in. Part of that is out of like... not putting it on other people when it's just as easy for me to do it, but also I get so embarrassed not knowing stuff. Which I shouldn't. I know that. Because generally speaking, I don't think badly of other people who don't know stuff and ask questions about it in good faith. But as always, not me though. For me it's bad and I'm a bad person for... wanting information? I guess? Obviously when I try to break down what it is that's embarrassing there are no answers, because asking questions is fine and good and shouldn't be embarrassing.

But it doesn't make it stop feeling that way. I can't remember now if it was a post or a SadBoyz episode (or I'm combining both things) but you can know and understand all of the facts about a broken leg, it doesn't make it not broken anymore. Knowing the source of an emotion is not the same as feeling or healing the emotion, and you still have to feel and process it. Being aware that my feelings and thought processes are illogical doesn't make me stop having them. It just makes me mad at myself about them.

Something that just occurred to me is how I have such a problem asking questions, but zero issue saying 'oh I don't remember' in some situations. I could Google the broken leg quote. But I'm not. Because it's different somehow? Maybe I'm heading it off at the pass. Maybe I'm again hurting me before anyone else can. Don't worry I'm aware that I know nothing! I got me first!

This is getting off track. Except it's a vent post so was there ever a track to begin with? Who knows. Not me.

I'm still going to Google initially. But I think once I've come up empty, then I'm allowed to ask. On day one. I don't need to exhaust myself to make me deserving of an answer. The trouble will be putting this into practice, but I'm going to try. I hope.

*I'm using Google as a broad word for searching on the internet. For books in particular there are several sites I'll use for specificity, usually based in the reviews.

[lilolilyr]

from the "more fic writer asks" list: 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 13, 20, 23, 29, 30 :))

Omg thank you! In future pretty pls send several asks if you have so many qs, the Hemmschwelle to do so many in one go is too much for me xD do you like getting so many questions in one go? (genuine question - I'll try to remember to send you more than the customary three in the future if that's something you enjoy!)

Here's the ask meme

1.The last sentence you wrote:

'Blushing, Myka averts her gaze.' from the Epilogue of my Bering and Wells fake married story I just posted! It's not the last sentence in the fic, I had already written that yesterday, but I was So Close to exactly 10k words, I just had to add a couple more words here and there xD

3. how you feel about your current WIP:

Now that I'm done with the Warehouse 13 fic, I still have my Leverage Parker POV thing, I haven't really written more than a couple lines since the last update o.o so the feeling is Slightly Stressed because I want to upload something tomorrow for the last day of May Trope Mayhem xD

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet:

Check This Out. You might in particular be interested in the one to Hacks HBO

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP:

You know, said Leverage WIP hasn't got a fifth paragraph yet, and my other Berena draft is still trapped in telegram messenger app (I tend to write in chats with just myself in them while I'm on the move), so you're getting a line from a truly filthy 00q ficlet that might eventually get posted on anon.

"James, he says, glad his voice doesn't yet tremble by much, "I need you to retrace the scars on my back."

7. your preferred writing fonts:

Default *shrugs*

I like having different fonts in different places (telegram/Ellipsus/Ao3) so I'm more likely to catch typos on a second read through

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for:

Nothing new in the works that I haven't written for before!

20. in what year did you publish your first fic:

2014!

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing:

No idea sorry

(well, that was also three words lol)

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles:

Really depends, sometimes a fic has a clear theme that also works as a title, sometimes I get frustrated and end up using song lyrics of whatever

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of:

Not a fic but a podfic! And absolutely nobody has listened to it yet xD I still needed something for the 'Second Chance With A Former Love' May Trope Mayhem prompt and I wanted to do Stucky because it just fits so well and I've been reading some Stucky lately, but I couldn't think of any actual plot, so I thought I'd just do a quick podfic to fulfill the prompt, any fic I found, first thing that looked like it worked, cold read recording here I come, low effort, found this artsy journal entry/poetry style thing and was like okay I can do this, at least I don't have to do any voices means I don't have to look up how they talk first (sth I for example did for the Leverage mini podfic - and got compliments for my Parker voice!), I'll just be quick and it doesn't matter if it's shit probably no-one will ever listen to it...

Y'all. The fic is truly good. I liked it so much. I got so emotional reading it and it shows in the recording, and because I liked it so much I actually went and edited the recording properly in audacity to get out any little stumbles and background noise stuff... Spent way too much time making a little cover image for it... But of course, in the end it's still a 20min podfic of a little artsy poetry fic and Absolutely Nobody listens to it. Which I knew when I made it. But still xD

Anyway here it is! 22 minutes, T, Steve/Bucky, MCU canon compliant up to Winter Soldier.

[vodika-vibes]

I’d like to request from another kiss prompt. A hesitant kiss.

With none other than my sweet love Darman. ❤️. I just can’t get enough of him.🤷🏻‍♀️.

You can decide who does the kissing. I always love reading everything you write.

Thank you. 😊

Hesitance

Summary: Darman has been watching you for ages now, and it all comes to a head late one evening.

Pairing: Darman Skirata x Reader

Word Count: 1086

Warnings: Fluff, some spice at the end

A/N: So you know, I had a plan when I started this, but, uh, that plan did not happen, and this was born instead. I'm so sorry if it's not quite what you had in mind. Also, I do have your other requests, but I'm saving them for later.

Divider by Saradika

He’s watching you again. You try not to let it bother you, though it really does. You’re not sure if he’s watching you simply because he doesn’t trust you, though you won’t be surprised if that’s the case.

Maker knows that he and his brother’s have reason enough to be suspicious of people who aren’t their brothers. 

It’s just a shame, though. Because you really like him. Him and his contagious laugh, and mischievous grin.

Not that either of those have ever been directed towards you. No. You’ve never been that lucky. The most you’ve ever received from him is a nod acknowledging your presence. Which is…something? You suppose.

You roll your shoulder, trying to ignore the way Darman’s stare is making your skin prickle, and you focus your attention back on the datapad you’re trying to repair. Trying, being the keyword in that sentence, because it’s starting to look that Darman flung it at a wall…or maybe ran it over.

You hold it up by a corner and sigh as glass falls from the front and lands on your worktable.

This isn’t fixable.

You shove it in a box, along with the broken glass, and you set it in the pile with the rest of the stuff that needs to be scrapped at the end of the day. And then you push your chair back and make the long walk to the storage closet on the other side of base to grab a new datapad.

And then you walk all the way back across the base, to your desk, and you begin the set up.

By the time the security has been updated, and all of the programs Darman needs are installed and set up, nearly three hours have passed. And by the time you’re sure that the datapad is ready for GAR use, another hour has passed. 

You heave out another sigh, exhaustion writ in every line in your body, and you push away from your desk. It’s now late enough that you’re one of the few people still working.

And you know, from experience, that Darman will be in his quarters. 

You drag yourself to the living quarters and knock, twice, on Darman’s door and wait. The door eventually slides open and he looks down at you, surprise crossing his face.

“Are you still working?” He asks, a frown marring his perfect features.

You offer him the datapad, “Here. Please don’t break this one. It took me four hours to get it to where it was acceptable to work for you.”

He takes the device and absently turns it on, “What happened to the other one?”

“I’ll have to toss it. After I wipe the memory card, which…” You sigh, “I’m going to go do now.”

He lifts his gaze from the datapad, and he scans your face, “Have you taken any breaks today?” Darman asks.

And you bristle, hearing the silent judgment, “I was busy. Fixing your datapad.”

He falters, “No that’s not…” Darman pauses, “I wasn’t trying to offend you, I know how hard you work.” He tries, “But it could have waited-”

You fold your arms over your chest, “You need a datapad to do your job, so no, Darman, it couldn’t wait.”

“Well…thank you, then.”

The tension drains out of your shoulders, you half expected him to say something about getting it to him sooner. “You’re welcome.” You hesitate for a moment, “Uh…good night.”

You turn to walk away, but are forced to stop when his hand closes around your wrist. You turn to look up at him, and he looks just as startled as you do.

“Is there something you needed?” You ask, flicking your gaze from the hand wrapped securely, but not painfully, around your wrist and up to his face. 

His mouth opens to say something, and he scans your face rapidly, “I…” Darman trails off, “Fuck…I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?”

“What?” You stare at him, wide eyed.

And he stares right back, just as wide eyed, “Wait, no! I mean, yes, I do want to kiss you…like so bad. But that’s not what…It’s not what I was going to ask.”

“But it is what you asked,” You point out.

“...yeah…” He nervously rubs the back of his neck, “It’s just…I was going to ask you if you wanted dinner, but…you’re so…” Darman trails off.

“I’m so what?”

“...pretty. I just…I really want to kiss you. To see if your lips actually are as soft as they look.” He admits, without meeting your eyes.

“Is that why you stare at me so much?” You ask, as you take a step closer to him.

“You noticed that?”

“It was kind of…obvious.” You admit.

“Oh. Sorry.”

You don’t say anything for a moment, and neither does he. And then you sigh silently. You have work to do, you should be getting back to it, but-

But-

You step closer to him, and his gaze snaps to you. You slowly reach up and lightly grip the collar of his armor pulling him down just enough that you can slowly, hesitantly, brush your lips against his.

You stay close to him as you pull away, your hand loosely gripping his arm, loose enough that he could pull away if that's what he wanted. “Like that?” You ask, nervous.

He stares at you, and for a moment, you worry that he’s not even breathing. And then he moves, his grip around your wrist tightens, and he pulls you flush against him and he crashes his lips against yours.

Darman pulls you back into his room, and hits the door control panel once he’s sure that you’re not going to be in the way, and he pins you against the wall, his lips never once pulling away from yours.

“Soft,” He groans against your lips, “So soft.” He kisses you again and again, “We stop the moment you say so,” He says breathlessly, as his lips trail from your lips, to your jaw and then down to your neck, where he presses hot, open mouthed, kisses against the soft skin there. 

You release a quiet moan and press closer to him, “Yes sir,” You gasp out, your words pulling a broken moan from his lips, and you make a mental note about that reaction. 

This is not how you expected to end the night, but you have no complaints as Darman starts to strip his armor off, to allow you to trail your fingers across his broad chest.

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

Space Goat List Design, Episode 2

I did Deathwatch last time, so now let's see who else was at the very bottom winrate wise this edition... and really there's just AdMech. You can't really count vanilla Space Marines due to the high number of new players who get it as their first army- especially when it is an army with so many datasheets that it is really easy to just builld something really bad at random if you don't know what you are doing.

Today's Topic: Adeptus Mechanicus

I wanted to write this post a while ago, but I thought waiting for the points update would make more sense. So let's get right into it: for our detachment I use the Explorator Maniple. Its rule lets you pick one marker at the start of your turn to be your "Acquisition Marker". If you shoot something on (OR FROM!) that marker, you reroll wound rolls of 1. Sounds not very special now, but there's some rules that key into it. Let's see what we got:

As we can see the enhancements all care a lot about that special marker, but for this list I initially plan to use only Genetor one, as a 4+ Invulnerable Save is just too spicy to pass up. Stratagems don't care much about the marker, but they DO offer some transporter-startegies, which we will keep in mind when building our list. Just ignore the consolidation move stratagem, that will never matter except once in a 100 games. Same goes for the 2CP one. It might be relevant in some games where saving up cp for it makes sense, but it's never central to the game plan.

So, how do we utilize the mission rule in combination with the AdMech army rule? Easy. Indirect fire. So our first order is 3x Scorpius Disintegrator, who will run around with Bellasarius Cawl who can give them a re-roll 1s to hit aura.

That times three sure looks spicy combined with its ability to get +1 to the hit roll when targeting infantry. Note that if you combine this with the defensive Doctrina this stacks with "heavy". So you can blast at stuff in the enemy zone easily. Even better when they have stuff on their own marker. Hitting on 3s, rerolling 1s, is already good, but rerolling 1s to wound as well is dang spicy. Of course if you dont need as many hits but require beating better saves, just give everything assault and +1 AP, which essentially is "Ignores Cover" for our purposes. The flexibility here is quite nice, allowing for both "tanks lined up in your zone" and "deathball rolling over the field killing everything it can get a clear shot at" modes of play.

All supposed "optimized" armies who only have an absolute minium of backfield holders and corner-campers will crumble under that barrage, as they now suddenly need to get their more expensive stuff on "homefield duty". Several elite-heavy armies will suffer from this a lot.

For the homefield we'll just take one unit of Rangers. Easy. Can't say no to sticky objective. As AdMech's options for CP-generations are pretty garbage, we add Inquisitor Coteaz for his ability:

You don't generate any points on your own, but this will certainly level the playing field.

I mentioned the Genetor enhancement before, and we will obviously try to slap that on the most durable thing we could find. So the next unit to roll out are 6 Kataphron destroyers followed by a Manipulus Tech Priest carrying the enhancement. They are fairly slow, but assuming you can get them to reach an objective in T2, if you make it the special one (either by regular rule or using the stratagem), they are going to be hard to remove, ESPECIALLY when you send an Onager Dunecrawler with them who we make sure has the SMOKE keyword for the Incense Exhaust Stratagem.

Note that the Dunecrawler can just chill behind a wall for this to work. If the enemy shoots it first the plan does not work, but if you keep it hidden 6'' away just out of sight, that Kataphron blob also gets Stealth and Cover, making them even harder to remove by shooting - and melee is not exactly an option on a unit that hits overwatch on a 5+, lethal hits on a 6, and brings 6d6 flamers to the table.

The rest of the list is fairly straightforward: if your indirect fire barrage deletes all chaff and screening units from the enemy zone, we will need some deep strikes. These allow us to be flexible enough to pick any marker the enemy thinks he can sit on, declare it to be the "special one", and show up there to kick them off. Looking at our Stratagems it would also be nice if it was a transport with the smoke keyword. Dunestriders can't deep strike, but luckily we got something even better: presenting the Archaeopter Transvector, sporting a respectable horde-clearing profile and a hillarious ability:

These are essentillay drop-pods. But better because they can actually do stuff. So of course I took 3 of them, and filled them up with a squad of Skitarii Vanguard and a Skitari Marshall each.

You should always consider shocking one of these in T1 to easily grab a secondary objective (especially if there's a gap in the enemy zone, in hover mode they lose the aircraft keyword and count for secondaries like Engage on all Fronts or Behind Enemy lines, but their true value comes in later turns, when the enemy has no more fodder to screen with, and you can clown all over their zone, putting constant pressure on their homefield - and if he tries to charge them? Just jump back in with Reactive Safeguard!

At first this list might look weird. Where's the chaff for screening? Where's the action monkeys? And yes, this list will never score Investigate Signals for anything worthwhile, but... neither will your opponent if you focus out his chaff units with the indirect fire. AdMech as an army might be weak, but they got no issue on dragging you down to their level.

The full list:

Bellasarius Cawl

Skitarii Marshal

Skitarii Marshal

Skitarii Marshal

Tech-Priest Manipulus (+Genetor Enhancement)

Skitarii Rangers

Skitarii Vanguard

Skitarii Vanguard

Skitarii Vanguard

Archaeopter Transvector

Archaeopter Transvector

Archaeopter Transvector

Kataphron Destroyers (6 models)

Onager Dunecrawler (with Smoke Keyword)

Skorpius Disintegrator

Skorpius Disintegrator

Skorpius Disintegrator

Inquisitor Coteaz

And that wraps up to the smooth 2,000 points worth of units at least when going by the points as they are now.

The constant pressure on their homefield should be enough to shift the primary game in your favor - either the Skitarii and the Skorpius will murder whatever he puts on there, or he puts an expensive vehicle there, and that thing will not be able to help in the midfield - and most likely not hold the point either long-term, you then win by OC.

Things to keep in mind for this list: Rapid Ingress is your friend, ESPECIALLY when you go second. Drop that Transvector behind a wall in their zone that you previously cleared of all screening chaff, and then just deliver the 21 OC inside right onto their marker.

The most curious part about this list: your gameplan in theory is easily thwarted by a horde-army. But most of your guns are horde-clear. 18 shots on every copter, 2d6 blast on every tank. If you play this correctly, in the later game your enemy will only have a few line vehicles left, and nothing to actually score in the game with.

[sacredechoes]

I'm thinking of trying my hand at some GBA Fire Emblem ROM hacking, and I was wondering, what software/program/whatever was used to make Sacred Echoes?

My workflow for Sacred Echoes ended up being pretty similar to how the original devs built FE8 - meaning I was mostly working with source code and the compiler with various command-line utilities to convert my asset files into a data format the GBA could handle. When I started the project in mid-2018, I already had some formal education and work experience in programming, so I was past the steepest part of the learning curve for these specific tools.

Please note that my methods are NOT the methods I would recommend for a first project unless you're already familiar with the software development process and using command-line tools. I went into Sacred Echoes knowing I would need to write a bunch of custom code to modify the game mechanics beyond what the beginner tools at the time allowed me to do, so I chose the more complex path. If you're looking for an all-in-one graphical editor that's more friendly to beginners, FEBuilder is amazing and constantly updated with new functions. Whichever method you decide on using, the FE Universe forum and discord are full of resources, tutorials, and helpful people, and I wouldn't have been able to succeed without them. Best of luck on your project!

That said, here's all the technical details and links to all the tools I used:

Sacred Echoes was built using a combination of GNU make (a build system used to automatically detect and compile changes to source code in large projects) and Event Assembler, a utility primarily built for editing the GBA Fire Emblem games. Event Assembler is used with a method called the buildfile, which is essentially a fancy text file with instructions for Event Assembler to insert source files into a ROM and linking different parts together. This meant I used different tools for creating each type of data. Unlike with a ROM editor (such as FEBuilder), I wasn't constantly saving my changes to the same ROM file, but instead freshly building it each time I made a change and wanted to test. This meant that if I messed up (very common when writing custom code), I could just comment out the relevant code or instructions in the buildfile and rebuild from source, rather than try to pick through the ROM by hand to fix issues.

There were cases where I would need to view and edit raw binary data with a hex editor (usually to find a pointer to compressed graphics or a data table); I prefer HxD for that.

For graphics, use any program that can edit and save .PNG files (I used MS Paint and GIMP), and then a tool for game graphics called Usenti to put them into a format the GBA can read. If you need to find and rip graphics from a ROM to edit them, GBAGE is the gold standard (and comes built-in to FEBuilder).

Maps are built from the tileset graphics using a program called Tiled.

For music, the GBA uses MIDI sequences, so any audio program with MIDI support works fine for that. (I used Anvil Studio). The MIDI file is then converted to GBA with a utility called midi2agb.

For unit data and other large data structures, I used a spreadsheet in CSV format, which can be edited with a program like Excel or LibreOffice Calc.

For map events and loading units, the GBA FE games use a scripting language called Event Assembler Language, which just gets written in a raw .txt file. A good plaintext editor like Notepad++ or SublimeText can help keep track of language syntax and keywords.

For assembly code, it is also written in a text editor, and then compiled to bytecode with devkitARM. Most of it I wrote in raw ARM assembly language (which is specific to the GBA's CPU), but in more complex cases towards the end of the project I wrote the code in the C programming language and compiled it with devkitARM.

To keep track of my source files and changes, and to make backups and version control easier, I just used GitHub because I already had an account, but you could also use GitLab or Bitbucket instead.

Finally, I used some tools made by the FE hacking community specifically for automating some tasks and formatting data - most of these are Python scripts, but some can be downloaded as compiled executables. I used "lyn", "TMX2EA", "C2EA", TextProcess and ParseFile, and AnimationAssembler. Ask on the FEU discord or check the forum's toolbox tag.

[moccabunie]

things I've learned after a year writing fanfiction

This is a post from a non-writer who, apparently, now writes (❓) And this is a little crazy to me, considering that a year ago writing less than 1k decent words took a lot of effort. But this year I have completed a +100k project. (It's still difficult, though.)

I found out that the more I wrote, the easier it was to get into the story. So I think that being captivated by my own story has made a lot. I am an eager fanfiction reader, but I had yet to really try to write something on my own.

That was until I got hyper-fixated on three characters and wrote a small story about them sharing a room, and it was one of the funniest and most rewarding things I've done. So I was like "oh, maybe I can try to imagine stories I would like to read?"

(1) story one - a bird told me to wait

The first thing I considered was to make it completely self-indulging. The second was to make it as evocative as possible, not only telling what was happening. I like sensations and emotions, so I really wanted to write things I would like to feel as a reader. I wrote this story, and after that, I added a second longer part because I was enjoying it a lot. I used to doodle about the characters and make small annotations about their dynamics, but there wasn't really a lot of planning here.

(2) story two - beneath the moonlight

My second attempt was a three-chapter story (not so distant from the previous one that can be read as three parts too). But for this one, I wanted to challenge myself because I wanted to explore new themes and tropes, so I made a brief list of the things that should appear here. (but honestly, I just wanted to write a soft mating bite scene lmao, because I was super into a/b/o at that time.) I used keep notes app this time.

I barely showed explicit themes here but I got to enjoy the story anyway. This one wasn't difficult to write because I felt familiar with the characters. It's a light story but these 20k words gave me the courage to take a step further. I said to myself

"stop being a coward. you have enjoyed this. keep writing."

(3) story three - lucid dreams

This one was planned for four or five chapters, quite in the same line as beneath the moonlight. But, and the keyword is planned, it became a full 13 chapters as I developed the story and the characters. If I wanted it to be coherent then I needed to explain the things, build the context, and introduce the world. But it was also an experimental work. I took my notebook and listed the new things I wanted to try, such as - write in past tense - write first and edit later

my process was something like this • imagine random scenarios with pretty imagery as I listened to music • doodling the characters doing things so I didn't forget • open the notes app to write random sentences and dialogues in the middle of the night, I'll find a place for them later • dream about the story and daydream about the story

as for the physical notebook, I have scribbled A LOT there during the writing process.

(a little bit chaotic but functional enough)

One thing I wanted to keep in mind was the evolution of the characters, or in other words, how they were gonna be at the start and the end of the story. And this made things a lot simpler because it gave me an insight that was helpful whenever I had to decide what kind of decisions the characters would make along the story.

Parallelly, I was aware of my narrative flaws, as well as there was a lot of vocabulary and grammar that would escape me in a different language. So I used the notebook to do writing research. Some of my pages were like "how to write action scenes," or "tips for flat scenes." Whenever I felt blocked I read again these pages.

I'm going to copy down here some tips that were useful during the writing block days.

• read another book or fic you like, since sometimes, getting yourself caught by another writer's style can help you to flow through your own. • scroll on pinterest and try to find pictures that capture the vibe of your story, maybe try to describe them or setting a scene in a similar environment that you can see? • changing the setting (for example, day to night, or sun to rain) can add more variants and ambiental tools to play with. • or, changing the character's pov. maybe a scene feels flat because it's narrated by the wrong character. • use objects, not just the characters.

(4) finishing a story

To have an insight into the plot, I wrote the main scenes in really short sentences. That was useful for the first chapters, but suddenly I had 70K words of the story and a lot of details to track. Frequently I had to split chapters into two parts because the "short sentence" became a very long scene. See this comparison: the scenes' guide in the last chapters usually are fragmented into shorter scenes. That's how I avoided losing my mind as I wrote (?)

These are a few tips that were useful to me during this last part.

• write the important plot points as they are mentioned so you can come back to them later and don't forget about them. • keep a scrip to annotate significant things about the characters to make the story consistent. • notion pages is a great place to make inspo boards (usually I added 4 pictures for each scene). During the last chapter, I used the to-do list tool to keep track of the closed story points and the things that were yet to happen • list some of your favourite past scenes, those that have been nice to write, so you can pursue the same vibe again.

The last two months writing the fic I joined the nanowrimo to keep myself motivated but also to have an impulse. My only goal was getting the habit of writing everyday, not minding how many words (usually it was around 400-600 daily). I ended that month with 16k added on my wordcount (to me, that was a lot!). Since I enjoyed that little challenge, I did the same on the next month, resulting in finishing the fic :)

The most important thing during this time was remembering myself from time to time why I am doing this. Let me say I am an utter perfectionist, so I would easily get trapped in making-the-story-perfect, which would end in a writing block. So each time this happened I repeated to myself that I didn't want to write a good story. I just wanted to enjoy and have fun while writing a story, so I should write only things I enjoy. And this simple thing was incredibly helpful whenever I wasn't able to continue a scene.

I think that this is what most writers say, but now I have come to understand that it's true: just have fun. Write what you wanna read.

(5) the next story - requiem of the sleepless

This would be the third part of my first fic. I miss these unhinged boys and I have a little draft of (unholy) things I want to happen to them! Now I want to unlearn everything I know. I want this story to be zero planned, I just want to ~feel~ the characters and make a lot of random things happen. This is about not forgetting why I started, so here I am again.

Being a non-writer writing.

thank you for reading ♡ 

[themissingnumbers]

What's good, y'all! It's me again, so you know what that means :) You all know how I function by now. I write things down in the order they appear in my brain, so things may be a bit scattered, but if you can look past that, then I hope you enjoy my ramblings.

In today's issue of The New Yap Times: THOSE FUCKIN' CHARACTER REFS HOLY SHIT—

So, those character references, amirite? First off, those things are fricking fabulous. Good stuff, Starry. Secondly, y'all know how this goes by now. I've got a lot of things I wanna say and I don't know how to say it, but hopefully, this will get easier the further I go. So! Let's start going down the line--shall we?

"Fire" Red Yuuji: MY BABY-! Okay, okay, lemme stop lmao. But like, look at him. He looks so good! Y'all have no idea how much I celebrated when I saw that my boy Fire got a pair of snow pants and some boots like LET'S GO-! He's not on a mountain in jeans and sneakers anymore; he's got some (keyword: some) appropriate snow gear! Plus, that jacket is still clean as hell. Not gonna lie though, I was kinda like Ehhhhh (unsure) about the new frostbite for him, but after looking at it for awhile I'm more like Ehhhhh (positive). I like it! He looks like he toes the line between being cold/unapproachable and lookin' like a sad baby seal. 9.5/10. (I only have one major complaint about Fire as a whole, and it's a big one: I don't know how you've done it, but you've somehow made him look even more huggable and yet I still cannot hug him. It's a sin >:( Don't worry though, he's really a 10/10, I'm just sad and petty-)

Leaf Aoyama: The Babygirl! Yes ma'am! (I'm so happy that she and Fire tied for once-) She's so beautiful, and I love her hair and eyes! I liked the subtlety of the old markings, but I mess with the new ones heavily. She looks like she's got some gnarly burns on her hands, which is kinda worrying. Plus, I really like the little additions to her outfit. I like her little socks (I think they're socks??) and the necklace/heart locket, too! Where'd she get it? Who's in there? I wanna know! Hopefully, she will share it with us one day. 10/10. (Bonus for Leaf: I know I already mentioned it in the comments of the actual Leaf post, but THE ESPEON!? HELLO?! Imma need the lore for that-)

Blue Gary Oak: PRETTY BOY ALERT HOLY MOLY- Okay, genuinely, Starry, why did you make him so pretty? Jesus- Anyway, moving on- This man is fabulous, and I need him to help me with my wardrobe. He's got STYLE! And his eyes, man, his eyes are GORGEOUS! The jewelry, the aviator jacket, the button-up—he got that shit on tho! Onto his body though, I really like all of his freckles. And I had always wondered why he had bandages on his wrist for his researcher outfit, and I kinda put two and two together to speculate why, but I didn't want to be right. But I have confirmation that I was right with the updated reference, and now I'm just sad :( But in spite of that, his design is still clean with lots of effort put into it. Another 10/10. (Also, Blue named some of his Pokémon and I think that's sweet. Otto and Akira are adorable names and I would like to meet them and spoil them with treats thank you-) (It also makes me really sad that Blue self-harms. Like, I expected it, but still. He hurt himself, and from the looks of things, still does. He doesn't deserve that. Hopefully, we can help Blue wean off of SH later down the line by offering some alternatives and a listening ear.)

"Glitchy" Red Tajiri: Then there's this rat bastard (affectionate). Where... where do I even start with this dude? Don't take anything I say about this man the wrong way, his design is peak and the art is amazing, but he looks so... wrong. Like, ewww, bro. I know he hasn't eaten in god knows how long, but why doesn't he look alive? Why tf is he printer paper white? He just ain't right man. (Slenderman lookin' ass. Bro looks like he bites. Probably microwaves his cereal before he eats it, too. Don't tell him I said that-) Nevertheless, creepy shit aside, I really like how disheveled he looks! Torn, dirty clothes, shoes with holes in them, and long messy hair—it fits him and I mess with that heavy. Also, the viscera that comes with that super glitchy form is crazy! It looks so cool, but it can't feel good in any manner. He's so skinny, too! I am deeply concerned for this man, probably more than I initially was for Fire, and that's saying something. Again, another 10/10. This man has grown on me significantly. (Also, his poor Pokémon team :( What happened to them? I'm curious but also afraid to find out. I also like how his Team has Gen 1 sprites. Nice touch-) (Also, me looking at that digital viscera form with MissingNo limbs ripping out of his chest. "Mhm..." Adds it to the Parasite theory. "Mhm.")

Okay! It's been a while since I started writing this (it's currently 2 AM for me lmao I started at 11) and I think I'm done—with this version! You thought I was finished? NO. I have more thoughts about these references—lots of thoughts—mostly about the Spoiler Edits and Blacked out parts, along with the new Biographies/Descriptions. But that's for a different time and post. This was just me rambling about the updated designs because I have no one else to yap to about it at the moment. So, there will be another, more theory-driven edition of The New Yap Times coming eventually, but not tonight.

Anyway, time for my closing statements. To Starry, you cooked with these drawings bruh. These are awesome and your art just keeps getting better and better. Keep it up! But be careful not to burn yourself out. To the Mods, I know y'all're probably cooking something up in secret. You guys always be moving in the shadows, so just know that I look forward to it ya sneaky little devils, and I hope y'all are all doing well. And specifically to Mod Hells, I hope you feel better soon homie. Being sick sucks, so I'm prayin' for you :) Take care of yourself.

But that's all, folks! Until next time. Thank you for reading The New Yap Times!

[OHHEHEHEHE do NOT ever apologize for your long analysis asks idc how messy you consider it these are a huge highlight of this blog for me and it makes all the work i put into the refs worth it!!

i need to respond to this stuff without giving too much away now.. trust me when I say that for these design updates, a LOT of thought went into the changes, both aesthetically AND for what they mean regarding the stories. but though i know all the meaning and intent being them, i wanna leave it all open to interpretation and theorizing as best as i can...

that said i want to talk a LITTLE about it bc dear god this is such a good analysis and observations LOL

re: Fire - his new snow fit was smth that took a lot of mulling over and was decided on based on the fact that he'd get it in universe from... somewhere. :) the updates to his frostbite were also VERY deliberate- for one i was worried the old stylizing would be read as blush when seeing him out of context... i wanted it to be clear that this is a severe injury. i def did my best to make him toe the line of..... Unapproachable, and Aesthetically Pleasing. im very glad i pulled that off!!

re: Leaf - ill admit to keep it real a large drive behind changing her markings into burn scars was bc i didn't like drawing the chain markings on her arms LOL. but the change is also a deliberate choice that i won't elaborate much more on.. its definitely less subtle, but i think weird scars can be easily justified in the world of pokemon. as for her pokemon... all can be explained in due time! though id certainly suggest putting that scanner and dex to use ;)

re: Blue - blue's always been focused more on Fashion over Function- if there's one thing he cares about, it's appearances. him being more of a prettyboy is intentional by virtue of the fact that he tries to look attractive and such. the.... other thing is smth ive mostly kept as subtext, particularly happening in... recent works. :) but its not something i intend to treat lightly once it's explicitly acknowledged. i honestly considered hiding it like with other things on these refs but that just seemed like overkill ultimately.

as for nicknames- god i really want to give other pokemon nicknames that reflect their trainer's personalities. the problem is that immm just bad at naming things tbh. Leaf would have a fully named team, and Blue would too, or at least a few more than just Otto and Akira. i was thinking Dusty for his Jolteon... ill probably head back and edit names in as we work em out! the refs will definitely be good to glance at from time to time. fires team is nameless and reds team would be .......... immature.

re: Glitchy -

this is the best possible thing you could've said about him. thats all i can really say

anyways!! thank you so so much for all your thoughts- again, things like this really do make it all worth it! i really look forward to your next theory session, but you take care and take all the time you need, okay?

thank u so much for the compliments man,, 🥺 it really does mean a lot. i can really tell ive improved a lot esp looking at the new and old refs side by side and it makes me so happy!! ^-^ im glad u can see it too eheheh.. ill put my side by sides under the cut bc its kinda wild to look at

and as someone whos been seeing all the behind the scenes work unfold.... god im so excited for when the secret the other mods have been working on gets to come out !!! they've been trucking away and its exciting to see :D]

((ps from mod hell: thank you so much our strongest soldier i love you))

old vs new comparisons:

[whumpbug]

1, 14, 15, 18, 23 for the ask game hiiiiii I am so glad you reblogged it!! as always /nf so do what's inspiring!! :D

YAYYY THANK YOU SETH THESE ARE GREAT!!!!!!!! ｡(^▽^)ゞ

1. the last sentence you wrote

this is from a WIP with gene and cassidy and oh god seth this is such a funny line for you to have landed on HELP

"Christ, he hated Montana." (from gene's POV)

me too gene.

14. where do you get your inspriation?

oooouh i get my inspiration from so so many places... a lot of character ideas come from existing media who's fandom i'm apart of and it usually stems from me wanting to make ocs in that universe or to steal some of the character dynamics/themes

when it comes to actual writing though, a lottt of my inspiration comes from fanfiction and oc works of friends (shoutout to u seth). and if i'm being completely honest, my ideas for specific stories comes from me just. pacing my room and talking to myself in the shower and thinking of interesting dialogue to form a story around

15. favorite weather for writing

okay so the obvious (and probably most popular) answer is rainy/gloomy weather. its just the thought of being able to be cozy on the couch or in bed without the obligation to be Out and Doing Stuff that gets the brain juices flowing, BONUS if its past midnight too

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

okay so i don't have any specific lines for a fic BUT i will share an abandoned concept i had for archie and simon.

so originally, archie was going to have more powers than just the enhanced strength and senses he does now. he was going to have some kind of ice manipulation/cryokinesis as well because i thought it seemed cool and would allow for some Great Whump, but it sort of got too complicated and i scrapped the idea completely

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

i am going to challenge myself to Not be self-depreciative because that is my default. BUT NOT TODAY.

my 3 words would have to be: descriptive, tense, fluffy (in the sense that i can't stop writing fluff. it's my weakness.)

AND SETH U GET SOME RAPID FIRE BONUS ONES bc this ask game is too fun

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

dc. specifically for my silly gorgeous man dick grayson. but i am TERRIFIED. solely because compared to most dc fans, i am SO not well-versed in the lore and would probably say something completely incorrect and embarass myself.

11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday

theres 2 that are sitting in my doc that i havent touched in a bit BUT they are:

a fic of cassidy as a child getting absolutely chewed out and punished by montana and then it cutting to present day and showing how that Trauma manifests itself. and also a mildly concerned gene.

and one for the alternative prompt in WWE (hangover) where gene is stationed in the town jail as always but its after a LONGG night at the saloon. and cassidy is the only guy locked up and hes just totally messing with him while gene wants to be Anywhere but There.

AND LASTLY 4. a story idea you haven't written yet

cassidy and gene getting drunk together. also archie and simon getting drunk together but mostly gene and cassidy. i just need the filters to come DOWN for those guys

THANKS SO MUCH SETH AND THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO RAMBLE ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE HOBBIES!!!!!!!! ILY TOO /P U ARE SO COOL AND AWESOME