#i just lowkey wanna cry

[l4deeznuts]

getting emotional because it’s finally hitting me that the l4d fandom is so small nowadays :c

don’t get me wrong, it was never a big fandom anyways, even years back when it was at its most active

it’s super awesome that there’s still people a part of it to this day!! people still are making content, whether it be sfm, art, writing, etc… but it hurts that there’s not much, let alone not much frequency either

i totally get it tho. it’s a damn near 15yr old game, and not to mention a game that was basically just killing zombies lol. it doesn’t have what most fandoms want— deep lore, a storyline, lots of characters, etc. it makes sense that the fandom side isn’t going to be super active, especially today. hell, i was absent from the fandom for about 9 years. i just recently got back into it about 2 months ago or so. life definitely gets in the way.

and like i said, at the end of the day it’s just a first person shooter game.

but l4d was one of my first obsessions. i’ve been in many fandoms before, but l4d is the only one that i genuinely clung to. i’ve never been so invested in characters like i have with the survivors (the si too!)

i saw someone say that even tho they love the game and characters, have so many ideas for fics and sfm and whatnot, it’s basically hard for them to continue because there’s just no sense of community feeling anymore… and it’s because there’s almost no community anymore. it’s so hard to admit and accept that :/

and what makes me even more sad in a way is that tf2 is still a huge fandom. that’s super fucking awesome, nothing wrong with that at all, but it makes me sad that one valve game is super popular still fandom wise, while the other one isn’t.

the game community side of it is still active— on average there’s about 20,000 people playing per day. the highest i’ve personally seen recently has been almost 40,000 people. that’s super cool for such an old game!! but the fandom part of the game is so empty..

hopefully as time goes on there will be older fans coming back like how i did, or even new ones finding the fandom side and sticking around! i really don’t want this fandom to completely die.. if it ever does, a piece of me will always feel missing. already does tbh. i know that sounds super fucking corny but fuck man idk i have yet to find anything that makes me feel like how this game and it’s characters do. no show, movie, any other game.. nothin.

but it’s hard to actively be part of something that already isn’t active because it feels like you’re talking to a wall. it’s lonely. you want someone to gush over everything with, share ideas, role play— the list goes on.

i plan on continuing my love for the game and it’s fandom, and all i can do is appreciate the ones who are still here, and hope n pray that there will be more people again someday <3

[anomura]

so. i've been thinking probably way much about bucky's attachment/abandonment issues bc they're soooo loud to me like he clings to people so hard!!! he wants to be chosen!!! him asking gale "did you miss me?" after spending objectively not that much time apart half joking but half sincere bc he's used to people getting tired of him and leaving so he has to make sure.

And it makes gale saying no to london even more of a Big Deal. and paulina leaving him the morning after even when he asked her to stay!!! and lil kissing him but getting with dye!! and once again feeling rejected in the stalag when gale won't leave with him, won't even entertain the thought of it !! andddd not having anyone writing him letters, possibly not even his family for reasons we don't get to know but probably are a big part of why he has attachment issues

i've already said this but i'll say it again even though he's confident/cocky at times he doesn't... like himself . or has a lot of regard for his own life which we literally see in the show. he was Capital S Suicidal – bc of the stalag obviously but come on he drinks like crazy and gambles and smokes even before things get Really Bad. and the plane wing sceneeeee you don't goad your friend !! not even a random person but a Friend into hitting you if you're a well adjusted individual. And he was ready to give up fr when gale went down. he did not want to bail out with brady!!! AND him risking his eye to get gale a bike (which while yeah crazy yaoi moment . to me also ties into him needing to be wanted/needed so people won't leave him) so yeah clearly not huge on self preservation which at least in my perception is something that stems from self hatred

all of these rejections (even if justified at times) are probably a series of blows to his perception of himself/sense of self and just reaffirm to him in his head that he's not good enough and he is right to expect to be left by the people he loves. and he tries to stop that by clinging as hard as he can and not being expendable/replaceable. but if they do leave he can rationalize it because if everyone leaves him clearly it's his fault, he's the one lacking – which feeds his recklessness and self destructive coping mechanisms even more

[ohno-the-sun]

Some more thoughts about the farm au by @oobbbear

It’s been so wet lately

[elysiarte]

..gone

[amebelladonna]

Went through Manuela and Seteth's supports and discovered how the singing she heard as a child (heavily implied to be Rhea) is what gave her the talent to sing to find that voice again, and that she would later return this favor to Dorothea after overhearing her singing...

Manuela thought that the one singing was the goddess, and little did she know how she'd be the one to help the goddess' gift who had been forsaken by the world around her at such a young age. I can't do this anymore...

[puppiesandnightlock]

THE 'LEARNING TO FLY' MONTAGE GOT ME CRYING AND THE FUCKING MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND LIKE YEAH IM GOING TO ADD IT TO MY PLAYLIST BUT FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY LIKE THAT

DUUUUDE NOT THE WAY I THOUGHT BRIGHTBILL WAS GONNA DIE AND HAVE LIKE SOME UNSAID EMILY SHIT IN THE BACKGROUND LIKE GENUINLY

THIS FUCKING THING MAN

[shorlinesorrows]

qpr jean and neil. that's all i'm gonna say.

do you see my vision?

[thespacesay]

brought to you by me hosting a friend for two days who grew up in the same cultural region, and tbh will not be invited again.

[girlyteengirl16]

im truly drowning in my tears

[triggeringtommy]

i was gonna journal yk as a healthy coping skill but my partner has work @ 9am so they don't want me to keep the light on,,, ik its stupid but i just wanna cry, i need a therapist

[littletrumpetcat]

i got my wisdom teeth out (abridged version, i was not put under, i babysat a half hour later. long story) and i am in PAIN. also taking out the bloody mess of a gauze every hour fucking sucks. i almost yakked every time i pulled it out of my mouth. the worst part? every time i burp i taste remnants of paper towel. i need to know if anyone else can relate. this is so gross. im tired

[bluehairmisfit]

Not to make “tag vent sunday” a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3

[todayisafridaynight]

i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[sugarcandydoll]

i feel so so sick idk what to do ♡😣💕