#christmas is nice I wish I could actually enjoy it without lowkey feeling like maybe I should walk into traffic

[blujayonthewing]

what's a good christmas card design that says 'I would rather be hibernating than having to deal with christmas obligations and that includes making this card'

[thefanficmonster]

A Little Childish

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: Corpse and Y/N go to visit Y/N’s parents for New Year’s. Corpse was promised good food, good company and A LOT of snow. Needless to say, the place didn’t disappoint - quite the contrary actually, it exceeded any and all expectations he had.

Requested by @waterflowersposts Hi there! Sorry for how long it took for this fic to be written :( I hope the final result makes up for the long wait! I also thought it would be appropriate to post it during the holiday season, so I hope you don’t mind. Hope you enjoy the read and I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback and any more requests you may have. Stay safe! Happy Holidays! Love, Vy ❤

I watch as Corpse is basically floating from one room into another in our shared apartment as he’s throwing random articles of clothing in his open suitcase. I have already packed my bags, knowing full well what the appropriate attire is for where we’re going.

I look away from my laptop when Corpse comes in for maybe the sixtieth time today, this time carrying a white tee causing me to chuckle. “Corpse, I know it’s very trademark for you, but the only way you’ll be wearing that when we get there is under a sweater for some extra warmth. I’m not looking forward to having my boyfriend freeze in my parent’s house.”

He smiles, looking at the shirt in his hands, and shakes his head, “Fine, guess I’ll do without it for a week or two.” He throws it in our room, not even bothering to check where it’ll land before he comes to sit down next to me on the couch, “Keep in mind, you have set my expectations pretty high up there. If I am not waist deep in snow the second we step off the plane, I’ll be disappointed.”

I give him a side glance, a smirk playing on my lips. Must say, taking on challenges you know you’re gonna win is the ultimate high-and-mighty feeling. “Honey, you’ve got a big snowstorm coming.”

                                                               *  *  *

All throughout our trip - I’m talking the drive to the airport AND the flight over - I have kept my eyes glued to Corpse, observing as his eyes sparkled more and more with each foot we got closer to our destination. He has told me the most snow he has seen was less than an inch and I immediately felt it was my duty to change that by introducing him to the magic of Canada - my home. My parents own a getaway cottage in the mountains of Calgary where we used to go every holiday season. My earliest memory is playing in the thigh-deep snow with my older sister and crying whenever our parents had to drag us back inside. 

The West Coast of the US was a rather odd surrounding for me, having grown up surrounded by snowy mountains, experiencing Christmas with no snow whatsoever was a true let down and underwhelming feeling. Since Corpse and I started dating about a month after Christmas time last year this will be our first time spending the holidays together and Corpse was more than enthusiastic to visit Canada when I mentioned how much I enjoyed my winters there. We couldn’t go for Christmas, but we’ll be there for New Year’s Eve and the first two weeks of 2021 and I am really excited. I have been dying to see my family that has actually expanded since the last time I visited - my sister has had yet another baby, making her and her husband parents of three very energetic toddlers. The six year old twins - Ashley and Alex - and the three year old Andrew. Or, as I like to call them: The 3 As.

I have warned Corpse about them like seven times despite the fact that he’s already familiar with their energy, convincing him that if that’s more than he can handle we’ve still got time to cancel the trip. He didn’t bat an eye though, each time telling me not to worry and focus my attention on reliving the moments I’ve missed so greatly instead of making sure he was having a good time.

“If you’re there...“ he said, “I’ll sure as hell be having a good time.“

One step out of the airport and he’s already mesmerized. His eyes are shiny reflecting the glow of the snow all around. It’s gonna be funny to see his reaction when he witnesses the real deal - the snow in the mountains. This compared to that is a pathetic excuse.

“I know it’s not waist-high, but that’s because they shovel it and melt it.“ He is looking around, not paying much mind to my words. The utter amazement and disbelief on his face just makes me want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He’s simply adorable! I see fragments of the child in him swimming up to the surface in the form of temptation - temptation every kid feels when they see snow: Dive in and lose track of time. “Wait till we get to the cottage.“

This manages to catch his attention, “You weren’t kidding.“

I laugh at my precious kiddy boyfriend. “Whoa there, Corpsie. If your mind is already blown, I’m worried about how you’ll react to the real deal.“ 

I have a feeling I know exactly how he’ll react cause I react similarly - I set the child in me free. After all, no parent can tell you to stop playing and go inside when you are a 23-year-old.

                                                             *  *  *

Walking up to the cottage from the cable-car station has to be the first time I’ve breathed with my lungs’ full capacity in the last five years. The sharp cold air screams ‘home’ to me like nothing else ever did. I am still surprised as to how my sister prefers summer. My family jokes I’m a winter wolf in disguise and I think they’re right. I do like to roll around in the snow much like a wolf. No judgement! Having a few extra years added to my age doesn’t change everything.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.“ If I could take a shot every time Corpse has repeated this phrase I’d be dead due to liver failure. He is absolutely stunned. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t blinked at all. Who am I to talk - I haven’t either. These mountains keep getting prettier and prettier, I swear. Taking my eyes off them would be a crime.

“Told you. I wish we made a bet, I could’ve made some easy money.“ I tease him, gently bumping my elbow against his as we walk up the trail.

“I’m glad I didn’t propose such a thing. That would’ve been fucking stupid of me.“ Judging by the tone of his voice, he is not really present in this conversation, so I decide not to let it go on any longer.

Not that I could’ve done differently, seeing as how barely three seconds latter I see three smiling faces coming at me at max speed.

Oh boy.

“Auntie Y/N!“ Ashley and Alex arrive first of course, wrapping their arms tightly around my waist. Little Andrew stumbles his way to me as quickly as a three year old possibly could.

Without wasting a second, I put my bags down and crouch so I can hug them properly. “Hi my babies! I haven’t seen you in so long.” Their hugging strength surprises me and warms my heart at the same time. The twins pull away, leaving room for the little duckling in a jacket two times his size and weight. “Hi Andrew! I nice to meet you! I’m auntie Y/N. Mommy and daddy have told you about me, haven’t they? If not I’ll kick their asses.”

“Y/N, I swear, I’ll tell Amy you’re teaching her kids swears at a very early age.“ Corpse says teasingly, stealing the attention from all four of us.

“She curses like a sailor, these kids probably know more swear words than I do.“ Ash and Alex run straight out of my grasp and to Corpse, proceeding to hug him around the waist as they did with me. They met Corpse when my sister and her husband Finn visited me back in the summer. They immediately fell in love with him. I specifically remember Alex telling me I have a ‘really cool boyfriend‘ and he only uses the word ‘cool‘ when he really likes something or someone. Corpse was honorably declared cool by Alex and that still warms my heart till this day.

“Hi guys, long time no see!“ He too crouches down to hug the little demons that immediately cling to him like koalas.

I scoop up the bundle of clothes with a face and stand up, balancing him on my hip. “Let’s attempt to get inside, shall we?” With my unoccupied arm I grab the handle of my suitcase.

Corpse nods and follows my lead, picking up the bags he also left in the snow. Ash and Alex bolt it back to the house while we struggle to follow, lowkey embarrassed by the pace we’re walking with.

Andrew struggles against me, reaching out towards Corpse. I look at them both apologetically. “You’ll meet Corpse when we get inside, darling. Chill out.”

“Y/N!“ My sister’s voice steals my attention. She emerges from the house, followed by the twins, a huge smile on her face. Her eyes land on Andrew who has calmed down is now resting his head on my shoulder sleepily, “Oh I’m so sorry about them, Y/N. I didn’t know they would charge at you the second you stepped foot on the property.“

Amy motions for me to give her her son but I hand her my suitcase instead. When she takes it I use my now freed arm to hug her as tightly as I possibly can with one arm and while balancing a baby on my chest. “It’s ok! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better welcoming.” I release, giving her a big smile.

She loses interest in me and goes to hug Corpse, taking a bag from him as well before giving him a hug. “Oh my God, Corpse, it feels like it’s been forever. I’m so glad to see you.”

“Happy to see you too, Amy.“ My sister has never liked a single guy I’ve dated. EVER. Corpse is the only one she warmed up to and that’s a huge deal to me. Corpse’s happiness when I told him that was something I’d pay to have filmed just so I can watch it every time I’m feeling down.

“Let’s get you both inside, you must be freez-“ She cuts herself off, rolling her eyes at me, “Of course, you’re not.“

I laugh and blow her a kiss as we keep carrying onward.

“Um, guys?“ Corpse’s voice makes me pause and turn around. He’s still standing in the same spot, looking- unsettled, I guess you could call it.

“What’s wrong?“ I walk over to him, taking his hand in mine.

His hand automatically gives mine a reassuring squeeze, “Nothing really, it’s just that...I’m meeting your parents for the first time and-...What if they don’t like me?”

I open my mouth to go off and start stating the obvious that they indeed won’t like him. They will LOVE him. It’s impossible not to love this man! But my sister beats me to it when it comes to stating the facts.

“Look, Corpse, they already love you. Heck, sometimes I feel like they have known Finn and you longer than they have known Y/N and I! They speak so highly of you and haven’t even met you - that should tell you more than enough about how they see you.“ She waves her hand towards the cottage, “Now walk in there and blow them away.“

Honestly, I’m glad Amy beat me to it. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

And just like that, hand in hand, Andrew still in my other arm, we walk in.

                                                             *  *  *

Corpse is officially the main attraction, stealing the spotlight from Amy, Finn and I - something the three of us are incredibly thankful for. Amy was right with every word she said - my parents are absolutely in love with Corpse. Luckily for Finn and Amy, the 3 As are all over him as well. Especially Andrew. The second someone sets him down he just waddles his way over to Corpse who picks him up and settles him in his lap while he answers my parents’ questions. 

When the kids were finally talked into taking a nap, Corpse and I snuck out to have a little walk in the snow and, of course, take some pictures. I made it my personal goal to make as many artsy and aesthetic photos of him as possible. His favorite - a hand only pic of him holding a snowball - was my idea and I think I have never felt prouder of myself.

“I am definitely posting this one.“ He says, turning the phone so I can see the screen. I give it a quick glance, thinking he’s talking about the hand pic but do a double take when I realize it’s a picture of me that he has taken without my knowledge.

I actually look rather decent, so I give him a green light in the form of a big thumbs up, “As long as you post the hand one too.”

“Hey, Y/N!“ We look back at the house which isn’t far from where we are right now. Amy is hugging the jacket tightly around herself as she approaches us with fast steps. “You know where we haven’t been in like forever?“

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head as I rack through my brain trying to dig up what she’s referring to. It could literally be any place on this mountain!

“Hello! The Waterless Lake? Ring any bells?“

Oh...it sure does.

Brief explanation: it is a huge circular dip in the ground which fills with water when the snow melts and becomes a lake but empties by the time winter comes back around. That being said, when the snow is still not melted, it’s an absolute wonderland to play in. I suddenly remember all the barrel-rolling Amy and I did there as kids and feel really nostalgic.

“Oh God, yes! I miss that place!“ I say, snapping out of my reminiscing trance. “Let’s go while it’s still light enough.”

“Finn is making dinner right now, or trying to at least.“ She rolls her eyes, turning to Corpse, “But it’d be our pleasure if you tagged along, Corpse.“

Corpse shakes his head, “I’ll politely decline. You ladies can reminisce and chat in peace, while I’ll be helping Finn in the kitchen.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips before excusing himself, “Have fun!”

“You too!“ We call back to him in unison.

Amy gives me an amazed, wide-eyed look, “He can cook?”

I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly, smirking, “Oh, you have no idea.”

She laughs, linking arms with me as we begin walking our way to the Waterless Lake. The place probably has a different name or no name at all, but we named it that as kids and never told our parents where it was. It’s our spot, and it is very surprising Amy offered Corpse to accompany us there.

“Sis, you are very lucky. I hope you know that.“ She tightens the hold on my arm with hers, pulling us closer together.

“I tell myself that every time I look at him, Aims. I am fully aware.“ I say dreamily, recalling all the times I’ve spent with Corpse. Almost one full year and I could never imagine that year, nor the upcoming ones, without him.

                                                                *  *  *

Upon returning, we’re met with the most wholesome scene I have ever seen - Corpse and Finn are making snowmen with the 3 As. It seems like they’ve been at it for a while, considering there is an army of snowmen of different designs, shapes and sizes all at different spots throughout the perimeter of the clearing in front of the house.

“Oh dear Lord.“ Amy mumbles, “I had a feeling this would happen.“

The five snowman-builders don’t even acknowledge our presence when we approach them. Ashley and Alex are running around with Finn, looking for sticks to use as the snowmen’s limbs while Corpse is helping Andrew gather as much snow as possible for the body.

I don’t realize there’s a huge smile on my face up until the point I’m trying to say something. Nothing comes out, though. My words are being muffled by all the overwhelming emotions that have taken over - collapsing my senses. 

With a roll of her eyes, my sister opens the front door, taking a step into the house. The second the door opens, however, I get a whiff of the delicious smell coming from inside. Best guess, and probably the right one - this is Corpse’s doing. 

If I wasn’t already hungry, I sure as hell am now and I’m in no mood to be in that delicious food’s proximity without attacking it. 

“Come on, guys! Dinner time! Get your butts inside!“ I call out to them from the doorway.

Corpse turns to look at me with the sneakiest smirk I have ever seen. He narrows his eyes at me, “You have done the very thing you despise!”

It takes me approximately three seconds to connect the dots and scrunch up my face, picking up all the snow I can an forming it in a snow ball, throwing it at Corpse. Growing up doing this exact thing has given me great aim, therefore I hit Corpse square in the chest.

“Oh you’re so in for it now.“ He laughs, picking up snow to form his own snowball.

“Snowball fight!“ Ashley yells, ditching the sticks to make a snowball for herself.

“Oh no...“ I poke my head in the hallway just as a snowball hits my upper arm, “Aims, I need your help!“ 

Before Amy can respond, I run to take cover behind the nearest snowman that, luckily for me happens to be one of the larger ones. I hear Amy call out my name when she exits the house, followed by a surprised yelp from her when three snowballs hit her. “You are all dead!”

While she is fighting blood and fire (well, water really), I am making ammunition for us both to use. I’m on my eleventh snowball when snow showers me from above as though it has fallen from a tree branch.

“Hiding, I see.“ I am still in shock, hair and upper body covered in snow, when I hear Corpse’s taunting voice.

My vengeance instinct kicks in having me grab two snowballs and turn to throw them at him. To my dismay, he’s faster then me and doesn’t allow me to even get my arm at an angle where I could throw properly. Instead, he turns me back around and picks me up with ease, one arm wrapped around my waist, another grabbing two of my prepared snowballs from the ground.

“Let’s show them who the bosses are.“ I see him wink at me from the corner of my eye and it takes me little to no time to catch onto what he’s insinuating.

In short, with joined forces, we took out the opposite team in no time - like a true couple 😉

[namluve]

you had always been a part of the plastics and he was born on the wrong side of town. what happens when your worlds collide, and you realize that he is the only one in your life that’s not fake? 

paring: jungkook x reader

genre: 90′s AU, high school AU (both are 18), fwb to lovers, smut, fluff, angst

rating: mature, 18+

warnings: explicit language, jungkook has an alcoholic abusive father, alcohol consumption, switch!jungkook, switch!reader, sub/dom themes, noona kink, protected sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral f receiving, face sitting, praise, blindfolding, dirty talk, manhandling, slight degradation, miscommunication that leads to lowkey unhealthy relationship

word count: 13k

note: first of all, I would like to thank @spicykoreantatertots​ for helping me with developing and editing this story. I can’t thank Hannah enough for all her help. secondly, I want to thank @joopiterjoon​ for always supporting me and helping me, especially with this fic. can’t wait to share the sequel once it’s done as well!

11 November 1991

Walking down the school’s hallway you sigh as you approach your group of friends. The four girls wave at you as you approach them. You smile quickly at them, thinking about the day you would have with them. Talk about boys. Complain about your parents. Discuss the latest fashion and of course, find some kind of way to bully you without it being too obvious. Ask where you found those shoes, if you had any cake for dinner last night and if you actually went through with the workout the five of you were supposed to do. Yep, just another day in your life. Wishing the week could swish by so you could have some alone time by the weekend. 

Well, maybe not all alone you think as you see Jungkook leaning against his locker, talking with his two best friends Jimin and Taehyung. Jungkook is a piece of work but at least he is honest with you. All you were to him was a booty call at 1 AM and frankly, you would not have it any other way.

“Oh ‘____’, we were just discussing this week’s exercises. I expect this weekend went well for you since you never reached out to us?” Tiffany chippered and you smiled, you had to play your part.

“It was so much fun! Especially the crunches, they got easier every day!” You exclaim and your group of friends seem happy with your response. The bell rang, thankfully, and the five of you began walking to class. Oh, did you long for college, a way out of this hell hole of a town. Away from the plastic bitches that were supposed to be your friends. The only thing all of you had in common was being the daughters of wealthy families living in the same neighborhood. God, you wish you could just move away from them. Only ten months left and that would be your reality.

“I can’t believe how you go by your days without having an alcohol problem.” You knew exactly what Jungkook was referring to, if anyone hated your friends equally as much as you, it was Jungkook.

“I feel like I’m soon gonna have to start day drinking,” you say, joining Jungkook, leaning against the wall with him. Meeting him outside after school hours was a common thing between the two of you. No one was around, besides the nerds in the library but it was not like they would tell anyone about the two of you meeting. 

“Let me know if you do, could need a drink myself,” you always appreciated Jungkook’s honesty, how he never once bullshitted you, no matter how ugly the truth was.

“Your dad?” He nodded at your question, sighing as he extinguished the cigarette in his hand on the wall that his back rested on. He knew he did not have to say anything else. You knew about his abusing father and he appreciated how he never had to explain himself to you. You understood him.

“Isn’t he supposed to go on a business trip this week?” He smiled slightly at you. You had remembered what he said last time the two of you met.

“Yeah… but not until tomorrow. His plane leaves in the evening. So… I wanted to ask you for a favour.” Turning towards you, he leaned against the wall sideways, putting his head against the wall and looking at you with his bunny eyes.

“No. We nearly got caught the last time you spent the night at my place.”

“Come on. I promise we won’t get caught this time either. You weren’t exactly quiet baby, you know?” So… he is trying to pin it on you even though he was the one who started it all? Not on your watch.

“It wasn’t me who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.”

“Come on baby, I don’t wanna fight. I just want to spend the night at yours.” Stepping in front of you, Jungkook meets your gaze, looking at you lovingly, winning you over more every second. He knew you loved the nickname he had for you. Baby, it rolled so easily off his tongue and he knew the effect it had on you. Taking your hands in his he took a step closer, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I just want to sleep in your bed with you, my arms wrapped around you, your heat warming up my cold body. Your hair sprawled out on your pillow…” as Jungkook softly spoke to you, he gently pushed back your hair behind your ear before continuing, “your face in a pout as you sleep that I always wanna kiss away.” 

Jungkook’s words affected you more than you wanted, they always did. He always had you at the palm of his hand, wrapped around his finger.

“Ugh fine, but you have to sing me to sleep.” 

Leaning down he kissed you briefly, knowing the two of you were still out in public. “Anything for you.” Jungkook softly murmerd. 

Things like this made you wonder if there was something more than just sex between you and Jungkook. The two of you were not really exclusive and you knew he brought home different girls every week while you went on dates with guys your friends set you up with. They rarely led to anything more than that. The few times you had actually slept with them, they were all disappointments, none of them knowing your body like Jungkook did. 

In the evening, you tidied up your room, as you waited for Jungkook to arrive. Suddenly, a small stone hit your window and you knew it was Jungkook waiting to be let inside. Opening the window, you saw how Jungkook began climbing up the garage to reach your window. Throwing his backpack inside your room before he climbed in himself you took a moment to really look at him. Hair long and messy, parted in the middle, shoes dirty, brown oversized jacket that he probably got from his father slightly ripped on his left arm. He was not from a family of wealth, unlike you.

“You really have to let me buy you a new jacket.” You sigh as you move over to sit on your bed again, and he laughs.

“Nah, that would be too suspicious. Also, can’t take away all that money that probably needs to go to the latest bags that’ll come out soon.”

Groaning, you put your head back against the bed frame. “Ugh, don’t remind me of next week. Still can’t believe we have to buy matching bags as if we’re fucking ten years old or something.” This was Hanna’s idea and it was probably the stupidest thing to ever come out of her mouth. To be fair though, nothing smart ever came out of it either so.

“I’m just gonna wash up. Then we can go to bed,” Jungkook announced as he took off his jacket and threw it on his bag. He always showered when he came over to yours, never missing the chance to shower in actual hot water with nice soaps and shampoos.

“Don’t take too long.” You say as he brushes past you to go to your bathroom. Having your own bathroom connected to your bedroom was probably the most luxurious thing you had, according to Jungkook.

“Wouldn’t keep my girl waiting.” He said before closing the bathroom door. My girl. It was something that Jungkook had started to call you not long ago. The thing you had going on-- had been going on for over a year-- on and off, but for the last two months the two of you had been meeting every week. Neither of you knew what this meant and did not dwell on it. Enjoying each other’s company was enough for the two of you. 

Brushing your hair, you decided to put it up in a scrunchie before laying down on your bed. Shortly after, Jungkook was done with his shower and joined you in bed. Smelling like strawberries he began to quietly hum something in your ear as he drew you closer to him. Your back against his chest, his arms around you. You fell asleep fast that night, feeling safe in Jungkook’s arms. He waited until you had fallen asleep to admire your features once more before falling asleep as well. This was the first of many times the two of you shared a bed without having sex.

18 December 1991

“What do you wish for Christmas?”

“For the last time Jungkook, I’m not letting you buy me a Christmas present.” The two of you sat in his bedroom, doing some homework while his father was away and his mother at the store. For a whole week Jungkook had been trying to figure out what you wanted for Christmas, but you were not budging. Not one bit.

“It could be anything, it doesn’t have to be something I have to buy for you, if you are worried about the money.” 

Sighing, you let your textbook fall to the floor. “You really don’t have to.”

This you made very clear. He did not owe you anything and you did not owe him anything either. Although, you had already got him a Christmas gift. You saw it as your only chance to get the boy a proper jacket that was not ripped everywhere.

“I know but I want to give you something.” As he emphasized the want you realized there might be something more between the two of you. Something the two of you left unspoken as Jungkook went over to your place for the second time this week without any intentions of sleeping with you.

“A fantasy you wish to come true? Come on baby, you know I won’t judge nor that I would find it gross or anything. Most likely I’m more into it than you.” This was a fact, Jungkook was kinkier than you but not by much. There were some things you wanted to try but felt weird to ask about when the sex the two of you had was already good. Jungkook would dominate you and have you in any way he pleased while giving you tremendous amounts of praise. You loved it, but sometimes you wondered how it would be to dominate him. Have him crumble in your hands, blindfolded, not knowing what would happen next.

“Come on baby, I can see that you are thinking about it. Just tell me.” Urging you to tell him, Jungkook scooted closer to where you were sitting, a smirk on his lips.

“Maybe I could be in charge for once? Just to try it out?” You hesitantly suggested, searching Jungkook’s face to try and see his reaction. To your surprise Jungkook shrugged and leaned back against his bed.

“Sure, why not?” Smiling shyly, you were happy that Jungkook is agreeing to it, even though, so far, he had been the most dominant man you had been with in bed. Maybe he was different with others, you thought.

“Although…” Jungkook began. “You are probably the most submissive person I’ve ever met, so I have quite a hard time imagining it.”

“Oh really?” You said as you start crawling towards him. You needed to prove your point now, your competitive side needing to show him you could be dominant towards him. As you reach him across the floor, you straddle him, putting your arms around his neck. An amusing smirk pinned on his face as he watches you struggle to figure out what to do next. Usually, Jungkook would have told you to do something by now, but here he was, quiet, letting you take charge.

“I think…” You began, losing your trail of thought, feeling slightly overwhelmed with the situation.

“I think I need to tie you up.” You say a bit more confidently, biting your lip.

“Then get a tie from my drawer.” Jungkook tells you and you hop off him in order to find a tie in his drawer. Even when you were the one in charge, he called the shots. Coming back with the tie, you looked nervously at Jungkook who smiled widely at you as he got up from the floor.

“Where do you want me?” He asked and you thought about it for a second.

“On the bed, take off your shirt and pants.” Biting his lip, barely believing what you were saying, Jungkook complied with your order, taking off his clothes. Eager to see what you had in mind for him.

“Yes ma’am.” He said as he laid down on the bed. You joined him, sitting down beside his head, trying to figure out how to tie his hands to the bed. Jungkook saw your hesitation and sat up, taking your hands and the tie in his.

“I’ll show you how to do it, and you just have to do the same, okay?” Reassuring you, seeing you relax a bit, he showed you how to tie the tie around one of his hands. The knot seemed fairly simple you thought.

“Lay down.” Jungkook did as you said, and you took the tie around the bed frame, bringing it back to his other hand and tying the tie around his other wrist. Jungkook tugged on his hands slightly and when you saw that he was getting nowhere, you relaxed for a bit. Taking off your pants, you positioned yourself on top of him. Your clothed pussy above his half hard dick. Staring down at him, you were mesmerized by his abs. Boy did his workout pay off. You could sit endlessly and trace his chest and abdomen, so that is what you did.

“Noona…” Jungkook grunted after a while, growing harder with every second as you touched him in any way that pleased you. It was a nickname you had not heard in a while. In the beginning, he used it to tease you because you were a few months older than him. now it had a whole different meaning and oh did you love how it sounded when it came out of his mouth like a prayer.

“Yes?”

“Please kiss me.” Reaching down you captured his lips in a sweet kiss that soon enough grew heavier. You missed Jungkook’s hands all over your body but soon enough you remembered it was not the time for that now and you began planning what to do next. Jungkook felt when you began grinding on him, and he was happy his tactics worked. Kissing always made you relax and that was what he was after. He needed you to relax so you could enjoy this as much as he did. Feeling him grow even harder underneath you made you whimper, loving the way his dick felt beneath you. Jungkook moaned as you sat up and grinded down hard on him.

“Noona please… will you touch me?”

“Not yet, patience.” Taking off your top, leaving yourself in only your underwear, you continued to grind on Jungkook, earning a quiet moan from him. You wanted more. More specifically, you wanted his mouth on your clit. There was only one way that would happen in this position with him tied up. 

You would have to ride his face, something you had only done once before when you were drunk. Remembering how good it felt was all the motivation you needed to set your plan in motion. Pulling off your underwear while still sitting on Jungkook proved to be a challenge but eventually you got it off.

“Take off your bra too Noona, wanna see your tits.” Shaking your head at Jungkook’s words, you began to crawl your way upwards.

“Not yet, wanna ride your face first.” Jungkook hissed at your words, barely believing his ears. He had wanted you to ride his face again ever since that night you took one to many vodka shots and ended up sitting on his face.

“Fuck… please ride me Noona. I promise I’ll make you feel good.” Clenching upon hearing his words, you eagerly placed yourself above his face, holding the bed frame for support as you began lowering yourself down on him. Jungkook met you halfway, too eager to have to wait any more and you let out a deep moan as he licked your wet slit. You continued lowering yourself until Jungkook’s head rested against the pillow again, slowly grinding yourself on his tongue as he laid it out flat for you to ride. 

Your moans got louder as you approached your release and Jungkook took notice. Flicking his tongue fast against your clit as your movements slowed down. With legs shaking on either side of Jungkook’s face, you came. Your vision blurred, head a bit dizzy as you got off Jungkook and sat beside him on the bed. Looking at him tied up against the bed, breathing uneven, lips red and puffy you wanted nothing more than to kiss him, so you did. You tasted yourself on his lips as you softly made out with him before pulling away and releasing his hands from the bed frame.

“Had your fun baby?” He asked you, smiling, rubbing his wrists for a bit. You nodded and smiled back at him. It was better than you could have imagined. Never did you think you would find the courage to sit on his face again. You were afraid he would suffocate somehow and had always declined when he had asked. Of course, Jungkook never pushed you and let it go every single time. Finally, he got to have you ride his face again.

“Want me to take charge?” As you answered his question ‘yes’ he got on top of you, pushing you down towards the bed. Kissing you desperately and grinding himself against your wet core. He was almost painfully hard at this point.

“Feel what you do to me baby? You were such a good girl when you were in charge, made me so hard.” He whispered in your ear as he began to kiss your neck, leaving a few marks here and there until he found the spot that made you let out a moan. 

“Want me to make you feel even better? Want me to fill up that pretty little pussy of yours?” His hands found their way around to your back. He unclasped your bra, taking it swiftly off as he began to palm your breasts with one of his hands, the other supporting him so he could lay above you.

“Please.” You pleaded and Jungkook could never say no to you. Taking off his boxers and letting his cock nudge at your entrance, you whined.

“Someone’s impatient.” Jungkook teased and you rolled your eyes as you looked into his, making sure he saw it.

“Someone has been waiting for a while.” You snarked back at him and he laughed.

“Well you don’t have to wait any longer.” As soon as the words left his lips, he began to push inside of you. The stretch stinging a bit at first but as soon as he bottomed out and stayed still for a while, kissing you in the meantime, it all went away. When he started rocking into you, you were in pure bliss.

“Fuck… you feel so good.” Jungkook grunted and all you could reply with was the moans that left your mouth whenever he hit a spot that had you feeling pure bliss.

“Wanna go deeper… Can I do that baby?” Always asking, always making sure you are okay with everything.

“Please.” You answered, wanting nothing more. He put one of your legs on his shoulder, going even deeper and occasionally hitting your g-spot. When you started clenching around him, Jungkook took it as his cue to circle your clit with his finger to help you over the edge. As soon as he began drawing circles you moaned loudly.

“Shh baby, you are doing so good for me, but I need you quiet down a bit yeah?” You nodded and he dropped his head to yours to kiss you, muffling your moans. As he did the leg you had on his shoulder got stretched out more and you felt a little bit of pain at the uncomfortable position. Luckily it was barely noticeable as you came when Jungkook started rubbing your clit just a little faster, wanting you to cum at the same time as him.

This one, he dragged out until you almost started to feel overstimulated and started pushing him away. Getting your cue, he slowed down after one final thrust that sent him over the edge. Breathing heavily on top of you, Jungkook kissed you before getting up from the bed, cleaning the mix of both of your cum off his dick with a tissue as he got dressed.

“Want me to help you get dressed?” He asked as you switched positions, so you were laying on your side, breathless and almost dizzy, needing some time to recover.

“Yes please.”

Smiling, he picked up your clothes from the floor and began to help you dress. Normally he would not do this for a girl, but you were not just any girl, you were his girl.

 25 December 1991

Laying in bed in your room at night you suddenly heard a noise outside of your window. Going to check out what it was you see Jungkook looking up at you, hands in his jacket pockets and a beaming smile. Opening the window for him, he starts climbing up your house, something he does way to often nowadays you think. Once he got inside your room, he throws his arms around you before you could even ask him what he is doing here.

“Merry Christmas!” he says softly in your ear and you melt in his arms, hugging him back and mutter ‘merry Christmas’ back to him. Pulling away, he reaches inside his jacket pocket. His hands that had gloves on that did not cover his fingers (you always asked him if they even provided any heat) had now a small wrapped gift in them in front of you.

“Open your gift.” 

Beyond shocked that he had gotten you a gift you murmured back at him, “I thought we said no gifts?”

“Just open it.” He pleads and you cannot help but to do as he says. You take the gift from his hands and unwrap it slowly. It was a box. Jungkook had a grin on his face as your eyes met before you opened the box. Inside of it was a goldenrod scrunchie.

“You didn’t!” You exclaimed at him.

“I know how much you love that yellow sunflower dress so when I saw it, I couldn’t help myself.” He spoke as you inspected the scrunchie carefully, not believing your eyes.

“I have looked for it for so long, where did you find it?” You ask him and he shakes his head.

“Not telling, in case I have to buy you more presents.” He answers, and you laugh. Smiling at him, you put the scrunchie around your wrist and admire it.

“Thank you.” He just nods at you, unsure what to do now. Breaking the silence, you ask the question that you have been wondering ever since you saw him outside your window.

“Why did you come here? Shouldn’t you be with your family?” You saw the way his face frowned a bit. Truth to be told, Jungkook wanted to be anywhere but with his family.

“Dad asked me to go and buy him more booze, took a detour to see you.” Smiling at him softly, you nervously tuck your hair behind your ear before looking beside your bed to see the present that you had bought for him.

“Guess you’ll have to open yours now as well.”

“I thought we said no gifts?” His smirk was back on his face and you roll your eyes as you walk over to pick it up.

“Shut up and take it.” Walking over to him and almost shoving it in his arms he laughs.

“Feisty.” He says before looking at the package wrapped in front of him as big as his chest. He really wondered what you could have gotten him, that was this big. Now, his own gift felt lame but so did yours to you, knowing how much your gift means to you while your gift to him was a bit more… well… not that personal. As he unwrapped his package, he was greeted with a jacket, brown and looking much like the one he already owned, well except all the holes and dirt.

“Figured if I bought you a similar one, no one would notice, and you didn’t have to freeze as much. Argh, it’s so stupid!” You say as you slump down on your bed, brushing your fingers through your hair and letting out a sigh.

“Hey…” Jungkook spoke softly as he crouched down in front of you. Searching for your eyes with his as your head hung low, staring at your hands that were placed in your lap.

“It’s not stupid, I really love it.” Taking your hands in his he caresses them. You look up to meet his eyes. The worry slowly disappears from your body.

“Really?” You asked. Jungkook nods and smiles at you, bringing a smile to your face as well.

“Thank you so much.” Jungkook meant it. Never had anyone bought him clothes, noticing how cold he was in his old jacket, having to put on layers underneath it. Now he did not have to freeze every winter and rainy day. All thanks to your gift. All thanks to you.

  14 January 1991

"Are you coming to the party?" Jungkook asked as he was laying on your bed, mindlessly throwing a baseball he found in your room towards the ceiling and catching it on the way down. He had been asking you to come to this stupid party for days now. Parties were not your thing, but if it were not for them, you would never have met Jungkook. Still, you hated them. Parties meant spending more time with the plastics and going to a social gathering where everyone expected you to play some kind of role. A role you did not like.

“I’m not sure.” Answering him with the same answer as you did yesterday, Jungkook caught the baseball one last time before placing it down on your nightstand. As you sat on the bed next to Jungkook reading this week’s history chapter, you were suddenly attacked. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you, dragging you down with him. 

Squealing as you fell down on top of Jungkook you tried your best to wiggle your way out of his grasp. Jungkook chuckled and began to plant kisses all over your face, whenever he got the opportunity. Dropping your book beside you, you tried using your hands to get out of his grasp, but he was not budging. His strong grasp keeps you trapped against him.

“Ugh let me go Jungkook I have homework to do!” You tried reasoning with him but Jungkook would just ‘hmm’ in your ear, like he was in deep thoughts.

“On one condition… You come to the party.” Once the words left Jungkook’s mouth you tried your very best to get out of his grasp without any success. Sighing, you realized there was no other way if you were going to get your history homework done on time.

“Fine, I’ll come.” You agreed, thinking Jungkook was going to let go of you but as soon as you tried to get up you were pushed down against his body again.

“Jungkook!” You annoyingly exclaimed and he snuggled his head in the crock of your neck.

“Just give me a sec… You are so cosy. I can’t help myself.” Rolling your eyes at his words, trying to get out of his grasp one more time, Jungkook let go of you. Sitting up and picking up your book, you looked over your shoulder to see him lying peacefully on your bed. A smile on his face.

“Behave or else I’ll throw you out.” You warned him but he just chuckled at your words. Knowing you would never actually throw him out.

“I promise baby.”

 17 January 1992

The moment you saw him and Holly making out you wanted to gag. For days Jungkook had asked you if you were coming to the party, only to be making out with Holly as soon as you arrived. Anger, disgust filled your body. The two of you were not together by any means but you were still angry somehow, disgusted and a little hurt. You and the plastics had been appropriately half an hour late to the party. Drinking at Tiffany’s and getting ready. 

Already tipsy and fuelled with anger you took a shot before going out on the dancefloor in the living room to find someone who could get your mind of him. Somehow, Matt who happened to be two years older than you, caught your eye and you decided that he would do. He had been flirting with you at other parties so it felt safe to assume he was attracted to you and would want to dance with you. 

As you looked eyes with him and approached him, he took a swing of his beer, eyeing you up and down. Normally, this would make you feel something but tonight your mind was clouded by Jungkook. You were not looking for Matt’s attention, you were looking for his.

“Wanna dance?” You asked as you made your way over to him, standing now in front of him and looking up at him. He was way taller than you remembered, but then again, you decided not to wear your highest high heels tonight.

“Sure.” He said, putting down his beer and reached out to grab your hand, dragging you after him out on the dancefloor. The two of you started dancing together, your back pressed to his front, grinding your ass against his crotch. 

Your focus was however not on him, but on Jungkook who danced with Holly not far away from you. He stopped making out with her for a second, moving away her hair to expose her neck for him. When he leaned in to kiss her neck, he met your eyes. Shocked, he just looked at you for a second before starting to kiss Holly’s neck, never breaking eye contact with you. 

Never once did he think he would witness you in another man's arms, grinding your ass against him while he roams his hands all over your body. Never had you taken an interest in another man, at least not until tonight.

Two can play this game, you thought as you took your right hand up to Matt’s face. Gently touching it, you urged him to meet you halfway as you tilted your head upwards. He understood exactly what you wanted and met you in a sloppy drunk kiss. You could smell the faint of alcohol from his mouth as he kissed you and he tasted bitter. 

Mother fucker, was all Jungkook could think for a while, completely forgetting the girl in his arms. He stopped kissing Holly’s neck. He wanted to reach over and drag you away from him, but he never got the chance as the two of you were interrupted by one of Matt’s friends. They talked with each other for a brief moment before Matt whispered something in your ear, kissed your cheek and disappeared after his friend.

Once Matt left your side to check on one of his friends had gotten into a fight, you were left alone on the dancefloor. When you looked straight forward again and saw Holly still in Jungkook’s arms you decided this was it. There was no point in you staying, moping around, being alone, since Jungkook was your only real friend and the only one who wanted you here. Or at least, so you thought.

Walking through the crowd trying to find the exist while being slightly drunk in a house you had been to only once before proved to be more difficult than you thought. Eventually you made your way into a hallway and saw one door open, revealing a bathroom inside and decided to try and sober up. Drink some water from the tap or something, anything to get you sober enough to find your way out. 

As your hand reached the doorknob to close the door behind you, you were pushed further in. As you stood with your back pressed against the sink and looked up to see who had followed you, you were met with Jungkook’s deep brown eyes. Anger filled your body.

“Leaving your new girlfriend on the dancefloor I see.” Jealousy filling your body at the thought of him and Holly. Jungkook locked the door behind him and closed the distance between the two of you, standing now in front of you. You turned your face away when Jungkook tried to bring his hand up to caress your cheek. He looked at you with a pout.

"Baby..." He dragged out the ‘a’ as he took hold of your arms trying to bring you closer. He knew you were upset.

"You know you are the only one for me." You scoffed at his words. His charms were not working on you tonight. Still resisting his touch, you snarked back at him.

"Didn't look like that when Holly was down your throat." The image of them popping back into your head and leaving you with a bitter, sour taste. To be honest, you did not even know why you were so upset. Just that you did not like seeing Holly anywhere near Jungkook.

"Are you jealous?"

"No," you were quick to answer him. As you did his body language changed. It was like a switch had been flicked and as he looked down on you with desire, you started feeling hot. He towered above you, parting your legs with his body, standing in between them.

"Cause I was pretty fucking jealous when Matt was down yours." Before you even had a second to process what Jungkook said he had his lips moving with yours. Hungrily kissing you, making you breathless. His hands moving through your hair, grabbing it, tilting your head so your neck was exposed. His lips left yours and travelled downwards, kissing the outer corner of your lip, your jaw and lastly your neck where he started roaming around. 

Sucking, biting and licking, trying to find your sweet spot. You let out a deep moan once he did. He smiled, smelling the faint scent of the perfume you were wearing. Sweet, just like you, he thought to himself. You felt his bulge getting bigger against your thigh, his hands getting rougher, more impatient. 

A sudden loud bang on the door made the two of you freeze in your movements.

“Can you fuck somewhere else? Some of us have to use the bathroom.” Muttering ‘shit’ under your breath you suddenly realized the situation the two of you were in. Anyone could have seen the two of you getting into the bathroom, someone is guaranteed see the two of you leaving together. Your secret would be exposed. Seeing the worry on your face, Jungkook took his hand to caress your cheek, comforting you.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go first and buy you some time, okay?” You nodded and he followed through with his plan. Letting go of your face, taking a step backwards he smiled before he turned around to face the bathroom door. 

As he unlocked it, you took a deep breath, your head hanging low, eyes on the ground, trying to avoid the eyes of the people you were imagining were looking at you. Jungkook looked back at you once before opening the door and stepping out of the bathroom. He hated it, the secrecy of your relationship. How you almost looked ashamed of being with him. He felt like it was time for him to go home, he no longer had any thoughts on staying, even though all of his friends would probably look for him. 

A girl entered the bathroom and gave you a look that more or less said ‘get the fuck out’ and so you did. Looking around once, you stepped out of the bathroom and realized nobody was really looking at you, or judging you. Thank God. 

Finally, being able to breath again you once again tried to find your way out. On your quest to find the front door you stumbled upon Matt, who was very insisting on letting one of his friends drive you home as apparently, all of you were going to the same neighbourhood. Not being able to say no, you got in the car and that’s how you found your way home.

Once your head rested against your pillow, body laying down on your bed you could not help but think how differently this night could have ended. Jungkook could have been by your side, if only you would have talked to him. If only you were not so afraid of what people might think of you. If only… and with that on your mind you feel asleep.

 03 February 1992

“So… what are you planning on becoming?” Jungkook asked you as the two of you were walking, hand in hand on your way over to his house, skipping the last class. The teacher was probably just going to put on a movie any way since your school had an information day today where they brought up the different universities and options you had after school before lunch. 

Most of the teachers thought this would be going on for the whole day so skipping class did not seem too bad. Also, this meant you could hang out with Jungkook in public without worrying about anyone seeing the two of you since every one of your classmates were at school. What you wanted to become when you grow up… This was something you had already been thinking about for the last couple of years, looking forward to when you could finally leave this hell-town.

“Maybe… a boss of some sort?” At your answer Jungkook chuckled. Letting go of his hand you lightly slapped him, asking him ‘what?’.

“No, nothing. I think you are great at bossing people around, so it’ll suit you just fine!” Jungkook said with a smile on his face but you did not really believe his words. Taking hold of your hand again, Jungkook continued walking with you by his side. Despite his words, you were still feeling as if he was teasing you.

“You are just making fun of me…” Pouting and whining as you said it, trying to make Jungkook feel guilty, you quickly realized you succeeded when he stopped walking. Holding your hand, the both of you came to a halt. Jungkook’s gaze on you softened as you stood in front of him.

“Hey… I didn’t mean it like that. I really do feel like you would make a great boss.” Scoffing, you turned your head, letting go of his hand to cross your arms over your chest. With fondness Jungkook smiled, knowing you were not really angry with him. If you had, you would have already started walking away from him. Something he had picked up over the last couple of months. 

“You are compassionate, responsible, great at teaching and you do have a lot of patience. Isn’t that exactly what a good leader needs to have in order to have people look up to them? See them for guidance and trust them?” His words almost threw you off a bit. Jungkook rarely spoke to you this way but when he did, your heart skipped a beat every single time. No scratch that, nowadays it skipped a beat whenever he would just look at you. 

You could not help but smile and feel your cheeks getting redder as you slightly slapped him on his arm again. Embarrassed and not wanting him to see your reaction.

“What now?” He would ask you, amused with your reaction. Noticing the way your cheeks had turned a shade redder.

“Shut up, let’s go.” You told him as you started walking again. Wanting to get to his house as soon as possible. Shaking his head, Jungkook followed you. Taking your hand in his again. He smiled, as you did not fight him. Enjoying the warmth, you provided by his side.  

 04 March 1992

Jungkook was late. Over an hour had you waited for him to come over to your house and study like the two of you had agreed. He was falling behind, by a lot. He did not want you to know of course but as you looked for a hoodie in his drawer last week you found his grades. You did not mean to look at them but once you saw an F on several of them, you could not help but to ask Jungkook about it. He told you the truth, as always. 

He was failing because he could not study at home but because of you, he was not failing every class. The study sessions the two of you had helped him greatly and he was very thankful for your help. So, you decided the two of you should study more often so you could help him pass this term. Give him a chance to be able to study after high school. 

He was probably not taking this seriously, you thought and when you finally heard someone climbing up the garage outside your window. You knew it was him. Angrily, you crossed your arms and waited for him to get inside so you could scold him. His face was hanging low, his whole body slumped as he climbed into the window.

“An hour Jungkook? Honestly? Do you think I enjoy-” Stopping yourself mid sentence, as soon as you meet his gaze. His left eye was swollen and purple, his lip bleeding with a cut on the outer corner. Hair messy, clothes wet from the rain that started a while ago. Your eyes softened when your eyes met his tear-filled ones. Going over to him, you gently caressed his face. He tried avoiding eye contact with you.

“What happened?” You whispered and Jungkook suddenly put his lips on yours, wincing at the pain the cut in his lip provided. He was not in the mood to talk. Jungkook just wanted all his feelings to disappear, even if for only a moment. Taking your hands to his chest you gently pushed him away.

“Please tell me…” Jungkook cut you off before you could even finish your sentence.

“You are my distraction, aren’t you?” You nodded, confused at what Jungkook was trying to imply.

“Then fucking act like it.” His harsh words left a sour feeling inside your throat, but you tried to swallow it down as he kissed you again. Leaving you breathless as he pulled away to study your face for a minute, giving you a chance to say no. You knew you were in for a rough fuck but after a stressful day, it was exactly what you needed. As you pulled him down towards you, kissing him, Jungkook took this as a hint to continue. 

His rough hands on your body, undressing you as he backed you up against your bed. Pushing you down, you bounced around in your underwear before he placed himself on top of you momentarily before he got up again. Standing in front of you, in between your legs, he took off his shirt.

“Wha…” Your question was cut short as Jungkook placed his shirt around your eyes and tied it behind your head. Usually, he would use a tie to blindfold you but this time he had to be creative. 

“Be quiet and take what I’m willing to give you.” Manhandling you, Jungkook turned you roughly around. His hands on your hips, grabbing them upwards and placing you in the doggy position. His hands started roaming around your body, feeling your ass, kneading roughly your thighs before moving upwards towards your core. 

He touched you slightly over your clothed pussy and decided it was time for the fabric to go. Taking hold of your panties he ripped them apart. Squealing at the sudden sting the waistband of the panties hitting your sensitive skin, you felt exposed as the cold air of the room hit your core. 

“You can’t just-” your complaint about your new panties being ripped apart was cut short by Jungkook. 

“I can and I will. Now… I’ve told you to shut up and somehow you are still talking. Want me to stuff that dirty mouth with your panties hmm?” Shaking your head as you felt yourself getting wetter at the thought of Jungkook stuffing your mouth with your panties. A fantasy you have had for a while but did not have the courage to tell Jungkook about just yet. 

“No sir, I’ll be good,” you answer him, wanting to please him. 

“That’s my girl…” Jungkook whispered as he continued moving his fingers dangerously close to your hole before continuing, “now… Can I use you however I please and you’ll be a good girl and take?” Nodding at his question, wanting nothing more than to be his good girl, Jungkook entered one of his fingers in your pussy. You were not nearly wet enough as you needed to be for his cock, and he was going to change that. 

Whining, when he suddenly put in another finger. Stretching your unprepared pussy a little too much for your usual liking, but you were determined to take what Jungkook was willing to give you. Wanting to please him. If only he would pay attention to your clit. 

As if he could read your thoughts, Jungkook slightly brushed over your clit with his thumb which had you let out a low moan.

“Such a dirty slut, letting me use her however I want. I knew this about you ever since the first time I saw you at that party. Bet you let a lot of guys use you however they want, don’t you?” You chose not to answer him but someday you probably had to tell him the truth. There was really no one else but him. Twice had you tried sleeping with other guys and both were disappointments to say the least. Jungkook was even your first, but you would never tell him that. Afraid of how he would react.

As Jungkook continued fingering you, you could feel the pressure building but all the thoughts in your mind were distracting you. Clouding your pleasure and somehow you never reached the top like you usually would. So… you faked it. 

Not feeling like you could cum anyway and trying to avoid making Jungkook more upset, it seemed like the logical thing. Jungkook was pleased, thinking that he made you cum. You could hear him unzipping his pants and soon you felt the presence of the tip of his cock at your entrance. 

As he slowly entered you, you could feel the stretch slightly, but it was not as bad as you thought it would be. When he bottomed out, he stayed there to let you get used to it, waiting until you relaxed, before he started fucking you. Taking hold of your hips, pushing his cock in and out of your tight pussy, he moaned. You could not help but do the same, moaning whenever he reached your g-spot. 

It didn’t take him long to reach his high, he was not exactly holding back and trying to last longer. Thinking he had already made you cum. As Jungkook came with a finally deep thrust, body slumped over yours, he took a deep breath before pulling out. As he pulled out, you noticed how you could not feel any of his cum leaking out of your cunt. Did he not cum? 

As you took off his shirt that had been tied around your head. Acting as a blindfold, you turned your head around as you laid down on your side. You saw Jungkook removing a condom from his cock before tying it up and throwing it in the bin. His pants were still on, resting just below his hips. He pulled up his boxers and then his pants. He had not even taken off his pants this whole time while you had been lying naked in bed.

This gave you a weird feeling that you could not shake off. Something felt off. For some reason, he had used a condom tonight when the two of you had been going without one for more than half a year now, both getting tested beforehand. Making sure it was safe as you started taking birth control pills so the two of you could do it safely without a condom. He was probably seeing other girls again, you thought as you remembered Jungkook making out with Holly. Yeah, that was probably it.

“You’ll be alright yeah?” Your thoughts were interrupted by Jungkook who was now putting your blanket over your naked body as he took his shirt from your hand, his eyes searching for yours as he tried to make eye contact with you.

“Yeah.” You would answer him, not really sure what he was asking.

“Good. I’ll see you around.” Jungkook said before giving a kiss to your forehead. As he stood up, he turned around and went to your window. Was he really leaving? Your question was quickly answered as Jungkook threw his leg on the other side of your window and proceeded to climb out. 

This was not like him, you thought. Nowadays, he usually stays the night. Maybe this was a one-time thing? At least, you hoped it was as your heart felt heavy that night. Thoughts filled with worry for him. Was he going home to his father? God, you hoped he was going to his friends or something, but mostly you would have hoped he would have stayed. 

A single tear left your eyes as you got up to get dressed in your pyjamas to get ready to bed. What ever had happened today, you hoped would never happen again.

That night, you kept your window slightly ajar the whole night. Hoping Jungkook would come back. When you woke up the next morning in bed alone, you realized that was not the case. You were not his girlfriend. He was not your boyfriend. What were you even thinking right now? 

Annoyed with yourself, you put on your jogging shoes to try and go for a run. To clear your head. At first, it worked. For a little while. Until you started to worry again, and you almost found yourself running over to his house. No, if he wanted to talk, he would have come to you. You thought as you made your way back home. Hoping he would talk to you one day. Hoping he would explain.

 31 March 1992

You had spent all morning waiting for the mailman to come by your house. Hoping he would carry your college acceptance letter. Anxiously, you had been walking around, cleaning, trying anything to get your mind off it but nothing was working. Your mother tried to assure you, saying any college would be lucky to have you. You were above average, sure, but not too outstanding if you asked yourself. 

Jungkook, on the other hand. He would probably say the same as my mom, you thought. The two of you had not talked much recently. It seemed as if Jungkook was busy hanging out with his friends every day, and the time he had for you was minimal. 

You missed him, although, you would never admit it. So, while you were waiting, you decided to write down your thoughts and hide them in your box of confessions. Here were all the letters and things you wanted to say to people, but probably never would. 

Maybe, getting it all down on paper would help as usual, but this time it left you writing with no end. Emotions and thoughts that were never ending. It felt like you could almost write a book to Jungkook. How mad you were at him when he kissed Holly. How sad you were the first time he left you alone in bed. How happy you felt when he brought you that scrunchie. It was a mess indeed, but at least you were getting it out somewhere when you could not talk to anyone about it. Still afraid people would judge. Still afraid people might talk if they knew what was going on between the two of you.  

Jungkook missed you terribly, but he thought it was for the best. He had completely fallen for you. Head over heels and he was screwed. You would never want him as anything more than a fuck buddy, he thought. So that is how he decided to treat you. 

Go back to the beginning of your relationship, no sleepovers. No sweet talking. No studying together. Just sex. That worked most of the time, except for the times Jungkook felt guilty every time you asked him to stay. It made him second guess his choice every time. Thinking, maybe… just maybe… you had feelings for him too. 

Those thoughts would quickly disappear as whenever the two of you locked eyes out in public, yours would turn away. You did not want to be seen with him, he had to remind himself. With that in mind, Jungkook had made his choice to stay away from you. No matter how hard it was.

Around an hour later, you finally held your college application letter in your hand. Nervously you opened it. Reading though it, you realized. You were accepted. You got into your first choice even. 

Squealing, you could not wait to tell Jungkook. Oh… right… The smile on your face quickly turned to a frown when you remembered how distant he had been with you lately. He probably did not care, you tried to remind yourself. The two of you were merely fuck buddies after all. 

With that in mind, you tried to distract yourself from the thoughts of Jungkook, by showing the letter to your mom. Hugging her tightly as she told you how proud she was of you. Somehow, she was not the person you wanted to make the proudest anymore. Somehow, that was Jungkook and as you realized it, you were terrified. You had fallen in love with Jeon Jungkook.

 18 April 1992

With a lump in your throat and your vision blurred from the tears that escape your eyes, you hesitantly walk up towards Jungkook’s house. What was he even supposed to do? Why did you even think of going to him in the first place? After all, the two of you had not lately talked at all. He had been distant for a while now, but lately, you did not even talk with each other. It was like, he came over to your house, the two of you had sex and then he left. Nothing more, nothing less.

Today, you and the girls had all gathered at Tiffany’s house to hang out and start planning what dresses you would be buying for prom. It should have been fun, considering you actually looked forward to prom, but all your excitement was flushed down the drain as soon as the girls started talking about your body. 

Who you should go with or why you should even bother to go, when no guy had shown any interest in you so far. You got out of there as quickly as possible to get some air, but somehow your thoughts drifted to Jungkook and your legs started moving towards his house. Should you even knock? What if his father is home? With shaking hands, you knocked lightly on his door and soon enough you heard footsteps approaching the door.

As Jungkook opened the door he found you, teary eyes looking down on the ground, your trembling lip caught between your teeth and hands fiddling at the seam of your shirt. The smile he had on his lips when he opened the door and saw you quickly disappeared as he noticed your state. Walking outside, he closed the door behind him so his friends would not hear your conversation, respecting your privacy.

“Hey,” he spoke softly, and you looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He never expected you to show up at his doorstep like this. Especially not after how distant he had been towards you lately. Still… he was somehow happy that you had come to him.

“What’s wrong?” You shrugged, not really knowing what to say but Jungkook was patient. Waiting for you to collect your thoughts and talk to him.

“I don’t really know, the girls started talking about prom and how I’m never going to find a date because…” Your trembling voice gave out as you started sobbing. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in tightly against his body. Your head against his chest as you cried into his hoodie. He truly felt like home, his scent and warmth bringing you comfort.

“Shh…” Jungkook whispered as he caressed your back and stroked your hair.

“You know better than anyone that most things that come out of their mouths is utter bullshit.” He was right, but you could not help but to feel your heart sink every time you thought about what they had said to you.

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” you mumbled into his chest and he kissed your hair. Letting out a heavy breath, you finally felt like you could breathe again.

“I know, I know.” Jungkook reassured you. Letting out a sigh as Jungkook took a step back, releasing you from his embrace, you wanted to complain. Wanting him to comfort you more, but he was quick to bring one of his hands up to your face and wipe away your tears. Tilting your head up by taking hold of your chin so your eyes would meet.

“Want to hang out with me and boys for a while and once they leave, we can talk?” He suggested and you quickly shook your head. The last thing you wanted was to bother him in anyway. He was not your boyfriend. He had no obligation to take care of you.

“I really don’t want to intrude.” As soon as your answer left your mouth, Jungkook was quick to respond.

“You wouldn’t” That was all it took to reassure you and with a beating heart you quietly muttered an ‘okay’ and Jungkook smiled.

“Follow me.” Intertwining his hand with yours he opened the door and walked in with you right behind him. The boys that sat on the couch all got quiet as they turned their heads to see you and Jungkook standing in the hallway. They all recognized you quickly, one of the plastics, one of the wealthy girls in town. 

You, on the other hand, only recognized Taehyung and not the other two boys that were sitting in the living room. Taehyung was often seen beside Jungkook at school and Jungkook often talked about him with you, saying you would love him if you got to know him. Guess this was your chance.

“Guys, this is ‘____’, she’s staying with us tonight” Jungkook announced and truth to be told, you could not really read their faces at all. Staring at them as they stared back at you, you had never felt more out of place. The plastics somehow felt more normal. Never did you think you would ever have that thought. 

You were brought out of your trance as Jungkook tugged on your hand, dragging you towards the couch. Following him, he sat down on the empty couch, next to the one where Taehyung and the other two boys sat. Sitting down next to him you awkwardly smiled at the boys and they smiled a sceptical smile back at you, not really sure probably on how to react. Never had they once seen Jungkook take any girl home. 

On the table in front of you were beer bottles and tv-game controllers. As you looked over on the tv you saw that they were playing some sort of video game. Jungkook smiled as he observed you.

“It’s Super Mario, Jimin got it last week. Probably the best game out there on Super Nintendo” He explained to you and one of the boys, the one on the far right spoke up.

“It’s really fun, you should try it!” He exclaimed and you smiled shaking your head, declining his offer.

“Oh! I’m Jimin by the way, this is Hoseok and that’s Taehyung.” Jimin said as he pointed at the other two boys sitting on his couch. Once the boys started playing their game you started to feel more at ease. More comfortable as you started leaning towards Jungkook on the couch, bringing your feet up to rest on the couch as well. As you changed position, Jungkook could not help but want you even closer.

“Come here.” Confused, you looked to your right to see that Jungkook had parted his legs, encouraging you to sit in between them. Looking over at the boys on the other couch you saw that they were fully immersed in the game. Why not? You thought and settled between his legs. Jungkook wrapped his body around you as your back rested against his chest. For the next round the controller was thrown to Jungkook and he bent down to whisper in your ear.

“Imma win this one for you baby.” You felt goosebumps all over your body, heart skipping a beat. What the girls had said earlier to you was long forgotten as you sat in here in Jungkook’s embrace. He ended up winning the race and for the next one, he showed you how to play. How he managed to win despite having his focus on showing you all the controls was beyond you. 

The game after that you were the one playing against Jimin. Jungkook showed you how to change character and you chose Peach. He probably went easy on you since you won, nothing he would admit though. Jungkook was proud, happy and content. You were getting along with his friends.

You could not help but to think of the night not too long ago, when Jungkook had showed up to your house, beaten. There was no doubt it was his father who had abused him, but you never asked. Whatever was between the two of you had felt different after that. 

He had always seeked your comfort before and you his as you did today, but something had always felt off after that. As if his trust in you was broken. Not entirely, but enough to wonder why he never felt as if he could just talk to you about it. Why he had stopped talking to you almost entirely. Also, it was not the last time Jungkook came to you for comfort like that. Each time, leaving you a little hollower than the time before. Remembering your place in his life. His fuck buddy. Merely someone to take his mind off things for a while.

The rest of the night was spent playing video games, staying up way too late and lastly with you falling asleep in Jungkook’s arms. If only every night could be spent like this, you thought. If the two of you could somehow talk about the two of you. What you were to one another. By now, you were sure you loved him. Somehow you could never allow yourself to completely fall for him, scared he does not feel the same way. Scared that the feelings you were feeling were one sided. 

They probably were, you thought, remembering the way he spoke to you that night. Saying you are his distraction and nothing more. Remembering when he made out with Holly at the party instead of hanging out with you when he had begged you to come. Something had felt off after all of that. Remembering that he had barely spoken to you these last few weeks. Today, you had fallen asleep in his arms, pretending it was all fine. Wanting it so badly to be fine. Not trying to think too much about it, when lately it was all that had been on your mind. If only you could tell him your thoughts. If only.

 29 May 1992

You look over the schoolyard as you and the plastics sat by one of the outside lunch tables, eyes glued on Jungkook as he played basketball with his friends. Things have been different lately. Jungkook had wanted to spend more time with you but this time… you had been distant. 

The two of you had not had sex together in over two weeks now. Your mind filled with worry, anxiety and stress. As you got your acceptance letter, you quickly tried to find your own apartment in New York. In your favour, your aunt had a friend that was going away for a year to study abroad. Needing someone to take care of her apartment in the meantime. 

You had signed the contract a few days ago. You would be moving in a few days after school had ended. Everything was happening so fast, too fast. Therefore, you prioritised yourself. Spending as much time planning and figuring this out in order to ease your mind. Of course, you wanted to see Jungkook, but you knew that would no longer be possible once you moved. 

So, you distanced yourself from him. Tried to become used to not seeing him. It was mostly going well. Well, that was until the two of you locked eyes and he shot you a smile before continuing to play with his friends again. You had smiled back at him, loving the warm feeling inside your body whenever his attention was on you. Fuck… this was not going to be easy, you thought.

 14 June 1992

Jungkook was happy, school was over. He had passed his exams, he could actually come with you, wherever you were going to study. Jungkook had not told you this yet, but he was hoping he could come with you, get away from his father. He wanted to tell you this today so the two of you could figure it out over the summer. Maybe... He could probably work for a year or two. Maybe save enough money for college one day, he thought. He remembered how you almost glowed when you talked about your dreams. Your dream to work for a big company one day. So, he worked his ass off. Studying wherever he had the time so he would pass his exams, so he had a chance at college one day. Anything to make you proud. Anything to be with you.

As he brushed his teeth, he could not help but to imagine your reaction when he told you that he would be able to come with you. He knew you were anxious about leaving but the two of you knew it was for the best. Leave this small town and find new friends, family and a place to call your own. A place that could be potentially a home for the two of you. He was certain he would confess to you. His love, he was sure, was endless for you. A never stopping force that he could not deny any longer. Today he would tell you. Of that, he was sure.

When he saw you on the park bench his smile faded. You were crying, hands fiddling with your shirt, something you did when you were nervous. Eyes looking towards the ground. Jungkook imagined this was all because you thought he would not be able to come with you. That you had to say goodbye to him, as you left for college.

“Hey.” He spoke softly once he reached you and your eyes looked up to meet his.

“Hey…” You whispered back, and he put out his arms to pull you into his embrace, but you refused. Putting your arms in front of you, stopping his body from wrapping itself around yours. Jungkook looked confused letting his arms fall to his side again.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you could barely look at him.

“I can’t.” Puzzled he looked at you, trying to read your face.

“What do you mean?” Yeah what did you actually mean. You had been thinking about how to tell him for the last couple of days but now when the day had come, no words formed in your mouth. You knew by now that you loved him, but you also knew he could not come with you. You had to end it here, for your own sake and his. The two of you could not make it work long distance. For God’s sake, you were not even a couple, you thought.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Jungkook asked again when no answer came out of you. Whimpering, lip trembling, breathing unsteady you said it.

“I can’t be with you.” Jungkook was quiet. It felt as if all the air in his lungs had left him. His chest empty, drained of all the happiness that had filled his body earlier on. He did not know how to react. You could not even look at him, you knew if you did you would change your mind. For him, you probably would. The desire to be able to get out of the town that was the source of your unhappiness was bigger than your desire to be with him, not by much, but enough. You knew if you did not break up with Jungkook you would stay here. Stay and regret the decision your whole life. 

The silence was killing you. You had said what you needed to say. So, you decided it was time to leave. As you turned your heel to walk away from Jungkook he spoke, making you halt your movements.

“Why?” His question raised a number of thoughts in your mind, but before you had the chance to answer him, he continued. Clenching his jaw to keep the tears that had been forming in his eyes at bay.

“Was it something I did?” No, you wanted to tell him. You wanted to tell him that he made you feel loved like no one ever had before. You wanted to tell him the scrunchie that he got you was the most precious gift you had ever gotten. 

You wanted to tell him, no one ever was as honest as he was with you and that he was the only one who never once doubted you. Never made you feel insecure, made you feel as if you could not be yourself or made you feel like your feelings and thoughts were not valid. You wanted to tell him he made you whole, as if you had been searching for something your whole life and finally you had found it. None of that came out of your mouth though.

“I can’t stand watching you mess around with other girls.” The thought of him and Holly at the back of your head. Jungkook with someone else that was not you, someone that probably would treat him better. Treat him the way he deserved to be treated. Someone that just was not you. 

Besides… How would even things work if he could come with you? He was still one of the biggest players in the school. Would he be able to drop all of that for you or would you stay worried the entire time like you had now? Worried that all you were to him was a distraction even though deep down you knew you were something more than that. At least you hoped so.

All Jungkook could think about was that you probably had feelings for him too. Why else would you otherwise not be able to stand seeing him with other girls? He felt hope. 

“I’ll stop.” Jungkook choked out, his voice quiet, lip trembling as the first tear escaped his eyes as yours meet his.

“I promise.” He continued. What he wanted to tell though was that he had not messed around with anyone ever since you got jealous at that party, ever since he saw you in someone else’s arms. After that, it all felt wrong to him. Especially since all he wanted was you.

“I have to focus on myself, I need some time.” You whispered as Jungkook stepped closer. When you did not move away, he brought his hands to your face, holding it carefully as if you would break otherwise. He rested his forehead against yours and took a deep breath.

“I’ll wait.” Jungkook said truthfully, he would wait for as long as it would take for you to come back to him. You did not want that. You wanted better for him. Someone, who could openly say they were in a relationship, without thinking of others. Show him the love he deserved without being afraid of how other people may react. 

Sobbing with your eyes closed you tried to remember what his scent was like, the one that gave you a feeling of home when you breathed it in. You wanted to remember it, forever if you could. This close you could smell it, if only you could stay here forever, but you could not.

Jungkook let his fingers run through your hair and back to your cheek, feeling the softness of your skin, the roughness of your hair telling him you had not brushed your hair today, yet, you looked stunning as ever. He had to tell you what he thought, he had to let you know. Had to let you know you were his home, his safe place, his sanctuary. You were a breeze on a hot summer day, refreshing, well needed and something he craved.

You placed your hands on top of his, taking them in yours. As you took a step back you opened your eyes, looking up at him. Jungkook opened his as well, swallowing hard as he choked on the tears that had started to escape his eyes. You could never do this to him again, never see him again like this, he did not deserve it you thought.

“I don’t want you to. I want you to let me go.” As the words left your mouth, Jungkook did so. His hands left yours and he stepped back. Maybe you did not feel the same way as him, he thought. Maybe something had happened, and you needed some time. Maybe… there was still a chance for the two of you to make it. Finally, be together. 

With this little hope Jungkook had let you go of his grasp. As he opened his eyes and met yours, he realized that was not the truth. The truth was this was it. Your mouth turned into a painful smile as tears left your eyes and you spoke your last words to him.

“Thank you.” He never got the chance to ask you for what or to thank you back as you turned around and left him on the street. He wanted to say thank you back. For all the times you had been there for him. When he did not know how to express himself, never pushing him to explain. Just being there for him whenever he needed someone. Whenever he needed you.

Jungkook could think of anything else the next couple of hours, his body limp, crying into Taehyung’s chest. Thinking about all the times he probably screwed up, leading to you breaking up with him. Was it even a breakup if you never officially dated? It sure as hell felt like it at least. 

He had to see you one last time, he had to change your mind. He needed to tell you how he felt. How much you meant to him. How badly he wanted the two of you together, wherever and whenever that would be. As long as you heard him out… maybe… just maybe… he had a chance at winning you back. Wiping away his tears he told Taehyung he would be back soon, that he had to see you one last time and with that he left his house, on his way to yours. 

As he reached the door and knocked, your mother opened the door.

“Hi, is there anything I could help you with?” She answered and Jungkook smiled at her through the pain and hollowness he was feeling. Your mother recognized his face, but she could not quite place it anywhere. 

“Yeah, is ‘___’ home?” He asked and your mother shook her head.

“I’m afraid not, she left for college an hour ago” Jungkook nodded at your mother and turned around, walking down your doorstep he let out a broken cry. This was it. You were really gone. You wanted nothing to do with him. That was probably why you had been away the last couple of days. You had probably been moving into your new place, Jungkook thought. 

He walked for hours around the town with these thoughts until Hoseok found him sitting on a bench by the river. Jungkook still barely remembers what Hoseok had told him that day. All he remembers is the hollow feeling in his chest, his nose running, eyes swollen, barely being able to breath. Consumed by the sadness you had left with your words, the sadness that he thought would never end. A hole in his soul he did not believe could ever be filled again. 

His first and only love… gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. If he only knew you felt the same, if he only knew how much you loved him too. Maybe he would have confessed sooner, maybe you would have if you would have known. Maybe… this would not have been the end of your first love. 

[buckyodinson]

The First (Agent Whiskey x fem!Reader)

Request from anon: agent whiskey x reader w/ shy (forst tiem) valentine s e x and he lowkey likes it alot alot in the sense that homie is taller than her and she sexually frustrated him by teasing him without her meaning too? coz shes shy?? 🤝😳

Word Count: 5.4k (I don’t know where it all came from!)

 A/N: SMUT! I don’t claim to be a great writer when it comes to smut, so I hope this reads okay?

It was fair to say that you turned some heads at the Statesman agency. You were one of the youngest agents there, but you rose through the ranks quickly and became one of the most highly skilled agents they had. Within just a few months, you were already working with the likes of Tequila and Whiskey. They were both floored the first time you were sent on an assignment with them, and you kicked total ass on the field. It was a complete 180 from your usual demeanour. Usually, you were quite reserved and wouldn’t pipe up during meetings or briefs, and you mostly kept to yourself, but on assignments and recon missions, you were a whole other person. Both men flirted with you constantly, and you would blush and smile in response, too shy to respond to their comments.

Tequila’s infatuation with you was just that, it was a fleeting feeling, and soon he would just compliment you to see you blush, not actually wanting anything from it. Whiskey, however, found himself falling for you. He was a little baffled at first as it was a foreign feeling to him. It had been a long time since he’d truly felt that way about someone before, but it almost gave him whiplash when he realised he was actually falling in love with you.

He was completely enamoured with you. He loved your quiet nature, finding it adorable that you would often be found in your office reading a book if you had no paperwork to be filling out. You could speak your mind if needs be and had done on several occasions. Once, when Ginger was voted against on a promotion, you slammed your first on the table, muttering ‘this system is bullshit’ before storming out of the office. Naturally, you went and found Champ afterwards and apologised profusely for the way you acted, but Whiskey thought it was endearing how much you cared for your friends. Obviously, he found you to be incredibly attractive too, and he’d be lying if he said watching you out on the field didn’t do anything to him.

After a lot of assignments where you were paired or grouped together, Whiskey would go to his room and get off to the thoughts of you beating the shit out of whoever you’d been sent after. He’s a little embarrassed about how often his nights end in that way, but he just can’t help it. And even just around the headquarters too, he couldn’t get enough of you. On the odd occasion, you would come into work in a denim number (which he most definitely appreciated), most days you would be in smart clothes - a nice blouse tucked into either some tailored trousers or a pencil skirt, sometimes a cute dress. And Whiskey could not get enough of it. Hearing your little heels clicking down the hallway was one of his favourite things to hear.

He would never admit to it, but in some of the shared spaces in the headquarters, like the break room, he would purposefully put things on shelves a little bit taller than where you could reach, so he could swoop in and get them for you. You weren’t super short by any means, but they were shelves even he’d have to reach for. You’d always give it your best shot to get them yourself (and he did feel a little pervy enjoying the view sometimes), before ultimately turning around and, by some miracle, Whiskey was always there to help, giving you a wink and a “It’s no problem at all, sugar” type response to your thanks. Sometimes he felt a bit cruel for doing it in the first place, but there was no harm really.

He started laying the flirting on thick sometime just before Christmas, always grabbing you a drink on his way to the office in the morning or offering the buy you lunch or dinner while you were out on missions. Sometimes you’d come into your office to find a single flower laid on your desk, and you’d blush at the thought of Whiskey stopping by a florist that morning and asking for just the one flower.

You had fallen very quickly for Whiskey too. As you started working your way up the ranks of the Statesmen, some people warned you about Whiskey, calling him a womaniser, telling you he brought a new girl home every week and all sorts of similar tales. But when you finally made it to the senior agents’ team and met Whiskey, he was nothing like the rumours. He was a total sweetheart. Sure, he flirted with you a lot, but he certainly didn’t seem like he was taking girls home left, right and centre. You found him to be a very thoughtful man, always grabbing you a drink in the morning, or buying you a little pastry at lunch, reminding you to eat something while you work.

You were shy by nature, and you wished you could put yourself out there a little more and be a bit closer to Whiskey, but you were worried. He was a fair bit older than you, and while he did flirt with you and treat you often, you didn’t want to read too much into it, thinking he wouldn’t be interested in you romantically because you were so much younger. And, to be really honest with yourself, in your time working up to be a Statesman agent so young, you hadn’t really had time for any sexual exploits, so you were severely inexperienced. And because of that, you were a little worried about the rumours about him, worrying he’d think you were too immature for him and move on to the next attractive woman who walked into the distillery who’d gladly fuck him in a heartbeat.

Whiskey was an attractive man, and you would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about being intimate with him, but having those thoughts would panic you a little because you know how painfully shy you are and how awkward you’d be, and it puts you off the whole thing. You couldn’t help but get a little hot under the collar during missions, seeing him effortlessly use his whip and lasso. You’d definitely thought about whether he’d use them in the bedroom or not, before blushing profusely and getting on with the mission, before excusing yourself as soon as you’d been debriefed, so you could go home and get off to the thought of it.

Whiskey’s flirting and your unintentional teasing had been going on for a while, and you were all at a bar celebrating a mission that ended successfully. People were chatting about their plans for Valentine’s Day in a few weeks, and you offhandedly mentioned you’d never been on a date for Valentines.

Whiskey’s eyebrows shot up, “That can’t be true, doll. You’re telling me nobody has ever taken you out for Valentines?”

You simply shook your head in reply as you took a sip of your drink.

“Well I’m not having that, sugar. How about I take you out, show you how a fine girl like you should be treated on Valentine’s Day?”

You laughed into your drink, “You really don’t have to, Jack. I’m sure I’m not missing out on much.”

“Come on, doll. Let me treat you? I’ll give you the whole Jack Daniels Valentine Experience!” You wondered how intimate a typical Valentines would get for Jack but the way he smiled softly at you made your heart melt, and who can say no to those puppy dog eyes.

“Okay, cowboy.” You rolled your eyes, but your heart was fluttering in your chest.

In that few weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, you would find flowers, chocolates, balloons and sweet little handwritten notes in your office, and you would feel heat crawl up your neck every time you opened your office door and see what awaited you. The day before Valentines, you came into your office to find a box tied with a bow, that had a small note attached to it.

‘Saw this and thought of you, doll. Maybe you could wear it tomorrow? X’

You opened the box to find a beautiful black dress. It was a very classic looking dress, with a white collar and little embroidered flowers along the sleeves and the hem, and it stopped just short of your knees. You were shocked when you saw it, expecting Jack to be the kind of man to buy a sexy, revealing dress for a woman to wear on a date, and it only made you fall for him more. He wasn’t pushing you into anything he knew you’d be uncomfortable with, and he genuinely seemed to know you well. At the bottom of the box, was a note saying that he’d pick you up from your apartment at 7, and to expect ‘the best date of your life’, which frankly wasn’t hard to beat. You’d only been on a few dates as a teenager which all ended horribly, and no matter how badly this date with Jack went, you were sure it’d be miles better than the others.

The day came and you were very nervous. You really liked Whiskey and you wanted to make a good impression. You knew it was silly, as he didn’t think of you that way, he was just doing this for you because he was sweet and wanted you to have a fun night. But you were still nervous and paced the hallway of your apartment once you were ready for the night. You had no idea what to expect from the night, and the butterflies in your stomach were raging, but you were excited at the same time.

At 7 on the dot, you heard your doorbell chime, and you took a deep breath before answering the door. You were met by Jack in a suit with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates in his hands. Cliché but you loved it anyway. You opened the door further and he stepped in, pulling you into an embrace and kissing you on the cheek. You blushed and giggled at his action and shut the door behind him, leading him to the kitchen so you could find a vase for the flowers before you left.

“You look amazing, Y/N. The dress looks beautiful on you.” He spoke softly, without his usual flirty tone.

“Thank you, Jack. You’ve cleaned up pretty well yourself, though it is a little odd seeing you without your hat.” You smiled up at him as you put the flowers in a vase and placed them on your windowsill.

“Only for you, darlin’. Nobody else is worth taking the Stetson off for,” He winked as he walked back to the front door, “You ready to go?”

You nodded and followed him out the door. You locked up and followed him out of his building to his car, where he opened the passenger door for you, holding your hand as you stepped into the car, before walking round to the driver’s side and climbing in.

“So, where are you taking me, Mr Daniels.” You smirked at him as he started to drive. The name caught him off guard and he blushed a little, getting the tiniest bit turned on by it.

“You’ll just have to wait and see, angel.”

He drove for about 20 minutes, singing softly to some songs that played on the radio, and chatting idly with you, before pulling up to a bookstore. You raised an eyebrow when he parked the car, and he just smiled at you, before jumping out and all but sprinting to your side of the car so he could help you out before you got out by yourself.

He walked you up to the store and when you walked in and he led you to a back corner of the store, it took your breath away. There were a few small tables in the corner, and you assumed they must have a little cafe set up in the daytime, but one table had been set up with candles and rose petals adorning the floor leading up to it. String lights also lit up the small corner, so the area was quite dimly lit.

“Jack… it’s beautiful.” You we’re at a loss for words, really, and couldn’t quite comprehend the gesture.

“I know you’re not the most extroverted girl out there, so I figured you’d enjoy this more than any fancy restaurant full of other couples.” He pulled out a chair and you sat down in it, not missing the fact that he said ‘other couples’, and definitely not missing the way your heart flipped at that comment.

Food was soon brought out to the pair of you, and you were shocked to see it was your favourite dish. You could’ve only mentioned it once before, but Jack clearly stored that away for future reference, and here it was sat in front of you. At one point he excused himself to go to the bathroom, and the waitress came to collect your plates and spoke to you while she tidied the table, “I must say, you’ve got a real catch. He’s been in and out of here the whole week planning this night, making sure it was perfect for you. I’ve never seen such a doting boyfriend before.” You smiled and she left you alone at the table once more. You pondered her comments for a while - why was Jack making such a big effort for a silly little date like this? But you had to push your thoughts back when Jack returned to the table.

“This is all too much, Jack. You really don’t know how much I appreciate this. Thank you.” You spoke once he returned.

“Not at all, darlin’. And it should be me thanking you for letting me take you out.” He reached across the table to take one of your hands in his, and you blushed.

“Don’t be silly, Jack. I’m sure any girl would throw themselves at your feet to be taken out and treated like this.”

“Maybe… but I wouldn’t care about them the way I care about you.” He looked down at his lap, and he seemed genuinely nervous, a word you’d never heard in the same sentence as Jack.

You didn’t know how to reply to his admission, so just simply squeezed his hand, and he leaned forward and took a deep breath, “I really like you Y/N, and I wanted this night to be perfect, because I wanted to prove that I’m not the guy everybody thinks I am. The guy I’m sure people have told you about may have been me a long time ago. But ever since you joined the agency, I’ve been in awe of you. And I honestly can’t believe I’m sat across from you right now. It feels like some kind of dream, doll. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same, because even if you don’t, I’ll have still had this one perfect evening with you.” He spoke so quietly, and despite the fact that the smile on your face grew bigger as he spoke, he still looked terrified of your answer once he’d finished speaking.

“I feel the same, Jack. You’ve been an absolute gentleman to me ever since we met, and I’ve felt the same for a while now too.” You leaned forward and he captured your lips with his own, giving you a chaste kiss before pulling away and resting his forehead on yours.

“I’ve waited so long to do that, angel.” He whispered sweetly and you both sat there like that for what seemed like an hour, smiling to yourselves like a pair of idiots.

“How would you feel about coming back to my place for a movie and a drink?” The invitation worried you a little, but you saw in his eyes he had no other intentions and it calmed you down.

“I think I’d like that.”

He drove you over to his place, and he told you to make yourself comfortable while he grabbed some drinks. You sat down on his sofa and took in the decor of the room. It was minimalist, but you could see little hints of Jack everywhere, a few photos littered the wall, and one particular photo caught your eye. You walked over to it, and saw it was a photo from the gala the Statesmen had at Christmas. You weren’t the biggest person for fancy parties, but you went to it, knowing Jack would be there, and you actually had a great time. The picture in front of you had you, Jack and Champ sat at your usual seats in the briefing room, but all in Santa hats and pulling ridiculous faces.

You smiled at the photo and jumped when Jack came up behind you and laid a hand on your back.

“Hope you don’t think it’s weird that I have that photo up, doll.”

“Not at all, it’s cute.”

He led you back over to the sofa, where he sat and you tucked yourself into his side, your head resting against his chest. He covered you both with a blanket and wrapped his arm around you, resting it on your thigh. Your hand was laid on his stomach and you absentmindedly rubbed your thumb against his shirt as you watched the move Jack put on. Jack was doing the same with the hand on your thigh, and you couldn’t help but focus on how nice the small movement felt, instead of watching the movie. Little did you realise, you were having the same effect on Jack, and he was getting more turned on by the minute. He could see a small tent forming in his pants and prayed to god you wouldn’t notice, not wanting to ruin a sweet moment like this.

But then you tucked yourself closer into his side and stretched your arm out slightly, and it grazed his crotch and he couldn’t quite catch the moan that left his lips at the fleeting touch. You gasped and sat up when you realised what had happened. You looked at him with wide eyes and saw his pupils were blown. The sight made you weak in the knees, but also scared you and when he leaned forward to capture your lips you quickly excused yourself to go to the bathroom.

Jack sat there confused for a minute before following you and knocking softly on the door.

“You okay in there, sugar?”

“…yeah, yeah I’m okay. I’ll… uh... I’ll be out in a sec.”

He decided to go back and wait for you, and after a few minutes you emerged again and sat next to him.

“What’s up, doll?” He lifted your chin to face him.

“It’s nothing, Jack.”

“Come on, you can tell me anything, angel.” His thumb rubbed light circles into your cheek.

“It’s just… I got a bit freaked out. I’ve never… I’m not very expe… I’m a virgin, Jack.” You spoke barely above a whisper, worried about his response.

“It’s okay, doll. I don’t want to rush you into anything. You just gotta be a little more careful where you’re putting your hand, is all, darling. I’m a red-blooded man, after all.” He laughed at himself to ease your anxiety, and you leaned into his hand in your cheek.

“The thing is… I want to. I’m just nervous… I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Nothing you could do would disappoint me, Y/N. Everyone’s nervous their first time. It’s natural.” His words eased you and you felt a sudden burst of courage and you lurched forward to kiss him.

Jack was shocked but instantly melted into the kiss, and he shifted you, so you were sat in his lap before pulling away, breathing heavily, “Are you sure about this, sugar? I can wait, honestly. There’s no rush at all.”

You only answered by pulling him towards you and attaching your lips to his again. He groaned into the kiss and pulled your body closer to his. You sighed and wrapped your legs around his waist as he stood up and walked you to his bedroom. He placed you gently down onto his bed before stepping back and admiring your wide pupils and swollen lips.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked once again and you nodded in reply, “I need to hear you say it, doll.”

“Yes, Jack. I want this.” Your breathless voice turning him on further.

He reached for your hands and pulled you to stand. He kissed you again before stepping and walking behind you, and slowly unzipping your dress, attaching his lips to your neck while he did so. You sighed in response and turned your neck further, giving him better access, which he gladly accepted. Once the zip was completely down, Jack ghosted his hands over the skin of your back until they reached the collar of the dress and he pushed it slowly off of your shoulders and down your arms, leaving goosebumps behind where his fingers traced your skin. Once the dress reached your hips, he let go and it dropped to the floor. His touch remained on your hips for another minute or so while he continued to kiss and nip at your neck, before disappearing completely. You turned around slowly to see he had removed his shirt and was undoing his belt. When he noticed you’d turned around, he looked up at your face and smiled before his gaze dropped to your chest. You immediately became self-conscious and crossed your arms in front of your chest. He quickly took his trousers off and let them drop, stepping out of them and placing his hands on your hips.

“Darlin’, these are nothing to be embarrassed by. You haven’t gotta hide from me.” He pulled you flush against him and you felt the hard outline of his cock through his boxers, and you blushed but slowly reached your hand out to touch his now bare chest.

“That’s my good girl.” He drawled and you sighed as he rubbed small circles into your hips, before suddenly lifting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist. You squealed and he laughed into your skin as he left a mark on your neck.

He moved over to the bed and crawled on before laying you down softly into the sheets. He stayed there for what felt like an eternity just kissing along your jaw and neck before reaching behind you and unclasping your bra and flinging it somewhere across the room. You sighed as he left a trail of kisses down the valley of your breasts and then let out a moan when he latched his mouth onto one of them, palming the other with his hand. You dig your fingers into his hair, scratching his scalp and earning a delicious groan from the back of his throat. While he swaps to give your other breast some attention, his hand slips down to your clothed core. He simply runs a single finger lightly over the material of your underwear, and your hips jerk up in response, along with a soft sigh. One hand is fisted into the sheets underneath you, while the other tugs lightly on Jack’s hair, pulling grunts and sighs from him.

Jack slowly kisses his way further down your body, until he reaches your underwear. You think he’s going to pay some attention there, but he simply gives one kiss over the material, which makes your hips jerk again, before carrying on down one leg. He pays attention to your inner thighs, and his touch against the sensitive skin there has you reeling. As he continues further down your legs, he pulls your underwear along with them. Once they’re off, he crawls back up your body until he’s reached your core again. Your legs open wider involuntarily and Jack groans at the sight.

“You’re beautiful, darlin’,” He speaks lowly before reaching a finger out to press softly into your folds. This action pulls a moan from deep in your throat and the sound sends blood straight down to Jack’s already hard cock, “so wet for me already.”

He pulls his finger back and wraps his lips around it and hums, and the sight makes you weak. He settles between your thighs and licks a stripe straight up from your entrance to your hooded clit, and no dreams you’d ever had about Jack in the past could compare to the way his tongue actually felt against you. You felt the soft touch of his fingers moving through your folds, before his tongue finds your bud and gives it small licks before taking it completely into his mouth and sucking on it. You were seeing stars, and your knuckles were white from how hard you were gripping the sheets. His dexterous tongue explores your folds and he hums, and the vibration shoots up your entire body, making you shiver. You gasp when he sinks a finger inside you, and you swear you stop breathing for a minute. You shoot a hand out to grab his hair, and when you tug on it, Jack let’s out a growl and adds another finger to you depths, stretching them apart within you and you feel a coil tighten deep within you.

“Jack…please… God” you sigh, and a lewd moan escapes your mouth, further spurring Jack on, making him double his efforts. He reaches a hand up to grab at your breasts, pinching one of your nipples, and you come completely undone, body tensing. You bring a hand to your mouth and bite down on it to stop from making too much noise, and you actually draw blood, but you’re in complete ecstasy so you don’t even notice. Jack, meanwhile, is still lapping up everything you have to offer him and once you come out of your high, he stops and slowly makes his way back up your body until he’s hovering over you, smirking. You blush and cover your face when you see his mouth and chin are glistening from your release.

“Doll, there’s no need to be embarrassed. That was amazing.” He grabs your hand and sees the blood on it, furrowing his brows “What happened here?”

“I must have bit down too hard on it.” You admitted, still breathing heavily.

“From now on, I don’t want you hiding the noises you make, sugar. They were like music to my ears.” He leans down to capture your lips once more, and you can taste yourself on his tongue, groaning at the sensation. He pulls away to say “There we go, good girl.” before diving in again.

With one hand in his hair, you run the other down his chest, and find the waistband off his boxers. Reaching your hand in slowly to grab his cock, he suddenly grabs your wrist and hovers above you once more, “Are you sure darlin?”

“Yes,” you breath out “I want you to feel good too.”

“This is all about you, not me. And trust me, angel, I’m okay if you want to stop.” He looked down at you so lovingly, and your heart almost stopped.

“Yes, Jack. Please… I want you.”

He gave you quick kiss on the lips before reaching for the cabinet next to the bed and rummaging around the drawer before pulling out a condom. He kicks his boxers off and rolls it on slowly, and you get your first real look at Jack in all his naked glory, and you’re biting your lip without realising it as you watch him. He’s big, and 20 minutes ago you’d be panicking, but you felt much calmer now, and knew Jack wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. He smirks up at you when he feels your gaze on him, “Enjoying the view, sugar?”

“Definitely.” You giggle and reach for him. He obliges and climbs over you again, dipping down to kiss you. He lines himself up with your entrance, and gives you one last chance to stop, and you roll your hips up to meet his, so the tip enters you and you both moan in pleasure. He slowly pushes the rest of the way in until he’s completely sheathed, and he drops his head to your shoulder, panting.

“God, doll. You’re so tight, it’s unreal.” He grunts but stays still, giving you time to adjust to his size, leaving kisses along your collarbone.

“I’m good, please move Jack.” You sigh and Jack starts to pull out slowly before burying himself back to the hilt again. It was painful at first, but soon, the pleasure outgrew the pain and you could feel another orgasm approaching. You wrapped your legs around Jack’s waist again and clawed at his back, “Faster, Jack… please.”

He starts to move a little faster, not being too rough with you though, and he knows he’s not going to last much longer, the way your pussy is clenching him, so he slides a hand between your bodies and starts circling your clit again, trying to get you to catch up with him. The sensation is too much, and you bite down on his shoulder, most definitely leaving a mark there.

“Come on, angel. Almost there. You’re being so good-such a good girl-fuck, I’m so close.” He stutters as his thrusts start to become sloppier, pressing harder against your clit.

You can’t even formulate a coherent reply, but you moan so loudly and it’s all the confirmation Jack needs to know you’re as close as he is, as well as the way you’re clamping down on him. He catches your lips again and after a few more thrusts, his hips stutter as he comes, but he carries on until you follow suit a few seconds later. You both ride out your highs, Jack’s thrusts becoming slower and slower until he comes to a complete stop, and the only sound in the room is your heavy breaths. Jack softens and pulls out of you and flops down next to you.

“That was something else, doll.” Jack speaks through his laboured breaths.

He gets up and throws the condom away in the bathroom and returns with a washcloth to clean you up, giving you wet kisses along your jaw and neck.

“I’m gonna get us a drink, make sure you use the bathroom.” He winks at you when he walks out, and you can’t help but stare at his ass, confirming it looks much nicer out of his jeans than in them.

You take his advice and go to the bathroom, smiling at yourself with how sweet he is, and how much he cares about you. When you’re done, you catch yourself in the mirror. Your hair is a mess, and your make-up is smudged, so you quickly wash your face while you’re there. When you re-emerge in the bedroom, Jack is still naked, sat on top of the sheets leaning against the headboard with two glasses of water in his hands. You quickly hop under the sheets next to him and he hands you one of the glasses. You take a sip and when you’re done, he takes them glasses and puts them on the cabinet beside the bed, before shuffling around until he was under the sheets, and he pulled you flush against him.

“You okay?”

“I’m great, a little sore if I’m honest, but it was definitely worth it.” You giggle and place a hand on his cheek, which he leans into.

“Thank you, Jack. I still can’t quite believe that just happened.” You grinned.

“There’s nothing to thank me for, doll. You deserved everything and more tonight. And I’m glad I’ve got you all to myself now.”

“I don’t know how you’re gonna top Valentine’s Day every year from now though. This one has been perfect.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll find a way, sugar. Don’t you worry about that…” he smirked down at you and you leaned up to kiss him.

You turned around in his arms, so your back was against his chest, and the pair of you fell asleep soon after. Both of you falling asleep to the thoughts that you can’t quite believe how lucky you are to be with the other.

[chasholidays]

TIMESTAMP for "Better to Give Than to Receive". Prompt: ring. Please and thanks! :)

Original fic here!

The problem, Clarke has found, with giving Bellamy presents is that she gave him what will probably always be the best present she’s ever given him the year she gave him the coupon booklet, and now every subsequent birthday party and Christmas suffers by comparison. And it’s not like she hasn’t gotten him plenty of other gifts that he’s liked, but it’s hard to beat the item that actually got them together. And he’s always been hard to shop for, especially big things.

“So, fuck Christmas,” she concludes, to Raven.

“Can you get him another sex book? Maybe level up to like the Kama Sutra or something. You know, just to keep on theme.”

“It’s not like I don’t have good things to get him. But how weird is it that I’m never going to bet a two-dollar booklet that I bought without even realizing what I was buying?”

“You know you don’t actually have to top yourself every time you give someone a present, right? Like, before you guys were dating you just bought him booze.”

“I can’t just buy him booze, he’s my boyfriend.”

“And you can’t talk to him because you want it to be a surprise, or you’re just a stubborn asshole?”

“Why pick?” she mutters. “Bellamy’s good at presents. Every time he buys me something it’s thoughtful and amazing and exactly what I wanted, and every time I buy him something it’s–useful.”

“Nothing wrong with a little practicality. And I know I’m not going to be the first person to tell you this, but your boyfriend loves you and he probably likes the gifts you get him. He knows what you’re like.”

“I know.” She sighs. “I just–sometimes I wish the stuff I got for him was as good as the stuff he got for me.”

“Come on, you know that’s not how it works. He’s not grading you on Christmas presents.”

“Still.”

“Still. Get him really nice booze.”

“Obviously I’m getting him really nice booze,” she says. “But–something else too.”

“Just tell him you love him, he likes that.”

“Not really a present. Maybe I’ll get him some stuff for his desk at work. But, you know. Fun stuff.”

Raven snorts. “Wow, you sounded so enthusiastic about that. Seriously, you’re going to be fine.”

“I know,” she says. “But I want to be great.”

“You know you weren’t this bad last year, right?”

“I think he’s going to propose,” Clarke admits. It feels a little strange even just saying the words aloud, but–she really does think that. He’s been acting a little strange lately, not quite cagey, just–off. But not in a way that makes her worry he’s planning to dump her or anything.

They had a conversation about it back in October, too, just in general terms, Bellamy asking if she wanted to get married someday, and they concluded that she did, and he did too, and they probably would do that, eventually.

It wasn’t the most romantic conversation ever, but it was good to get it out of the way and Clarke’s been braced, ever since, for him to propose to her. Christmas seems like a plausible time for it to happen.

“Shit,” says Raven. “Really?”

“I’m not sure,” she hedges. “But it seems like the kind of thing he’d do, right? It’s romantic.”

“Yeah, that sounds like him,” Raven admits. “Which is good for you.”

“How?”

You can’t possibly beat that, so you’re off the hook. Get him something nice, cry and say yes when he proposes, and boom. You’re done.“

"Or I could spend the month freaking out about finding him something else.”

“Or that,” says Raven. “Knock yourself out.”

*

The problem with sex-based gifts, which are theoretically a good idea, is that Clarke generally doesn’t need a holiday as an excuse to get that kind of thing. She and Bellamy tend to be good at just having awesome sex all by themselves, and they’ll try things when they want to try them.

Plus, sex is awesome and important and everything, but she would feel a little weird if Christmas rolled around and he gave her an engagement ring and she bought him nipple clamps or something. He’d probably like them, enjoy them, and value them as a present, but it would just feel like she was in an entirely different genre of holiday.

“Fuck,” she mutters, and puts her head down on the table.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks. He’s working on grading in the other room, but he probably heard the thud.

“I’m good!”

“Fuck, is it dinner time? Did I forget to cook?”

She has to smile. “We’re ordering takeout, remember? So you don’t have to stop grading.”

“That seemed like a good idea before I really wanted a fucking break.” She hears him come in, and he drops a kiss on the top of her head. “What’s wrong? Something happen?”

“Just stressing. You know me.”

“Can I help?”

One of her options is to just ask him if he’s planning to propose, which would at least clear up some of her anxiety, but that feels unfair. If he wanted her to know about the proposal, he just would have told her.

“Want to have sex before we order dinner?” she asks instead, and he makes a show of thinking it over for all of a second.

“Yeah, I could live with that,” he says, and it’s not like it solves her problem, but she really does feel a lot better after.

*

If Clarke were a different kind of person, she’d probably be looking for the ring. From what she can tell from pop culture, that’s something people do. But she’s not sure how her life changes, if she knows for sure. She has to buy him a present, and she’d like it to be a good one. The fact that his present to her may or may not include a wedding ring doesn’t matter, and if he wants it to be a surprise, she should respect that. The only reason it really matters is that she wants to make sure she has something comparably good, honestly.

Which is how she ends up googling engagement rings for men, just out of idle curiosity. The best defense is a good offense, right? If Bellamy does propose, she’ll have her ring ready as a counter offer, and if he doesn’t propose, she can do it first. At minimum, she’s as romantic as he is, with an outside chance of being more romantic, if he doesn’t end up proposing himself.

Me: Is being competitive a good reason to ask someone to marry you?

Wells: I think you have the wrong number.

Me: You know it’s me, Wells

Wells: The statement standsSeriously I don’t even know what you’re asking meYou want to propose to Bellamy?

Me: I think he’s going to propose to meFor Christmas, probablySo I want to plan on counter-proposingBecause otherwise I have no idea what to get him

Wells: You know meYou know I don’t say this oftenBut honestlyWhat the fuck, Clarke

Me: So you think it’s a bad idea

Wells: Do you want to marry him?Like, would you be proposing if you didn’t think he was?

Me: I might not have thought of itBut yeah, of course I want to marry him

Wells: I would suggest maybe presenting it as just wanting to marry himLeave out the complicated mind games

Me: I think he likes the complicated mind games

Wells: OkayYour kink is not my kink and that’s okayJust tell me if/when you get engagedI need no other details

Me: Thanks for the adviceMerry Christmas

Wells: Good luck with your weird spite engagementYou guys are definitely prefect for each other

*

If Bellamy looks into her search history at any point in the weeks leading up to Christmas, he will know exactly what he’s getting, between the engagement rings for men searches and the how to tell what someone’s ring size is without asking searches. But as far as she can tell, Bellamy isn’t at all stressed about the holiday and is not having some quiet, internal, competition-fueled meltdown about whether or not he’s gotten her a good enough present.

Like some kind of asshole.

They tend to have fairly lowkey Christmases, staying at home, just the two of them. Octavia goes to Lincoln’s family, and her mother usually comes to visit either the weekend before or the weekend after, depending on her schedule at the hospital, and that’s how Clarke likes it. Even before they started dating, she liked it, which is another one of those things that is, in retrospect, one of the reasons they started dating in the first place.

And why she’s going to propose to him. Somehow.

The problem is, if Bellamy got her a ring, he hasn’t obviously put it under the tree, and he has put other things under the tree, which means he’s either hiding it in something else, or he’s hiding it somewhere else, or he hasn’t actually gotten her a ring and he’s not going to propose and she’s been tying herself in knots for absolutely no reason for weeks. She can’t wait for Christmas to be over. She and Bellamy are going to have such a good laugh over this mess.

She got him a Lego set recreating the Venice skyline to put on his desk, and she opens that up and puts the ring inside it, so she can get it under the tree without raising suspicions. So far, they’re both doing a stellar job at appearing to not be proposing this Christmas, and if he doesn’t, she could maybe even get the ring out of the box before he saw it and act like this never happened.

But then she wouldn’t be engaged to him so, really, fuck that.

They sleep in on Christmas day, and Bellamy makes coffee and breakfast before they make it over to the tree. They set a budget every year, which Clarke completely ignored, but in her defense, rings are expensive. And the rest of her stuff was under a hundred bucks, so, whatever.

“You’re pretty stressed out for Christmas morning,” Bellamy says, nudging her shoulder as he settles next to her on the floor. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just–wondering what you got me.”

“So you want to open the first present, huh?”

“That’s not what I meant,” she says. He just looks at her for a moment, and she caves. “But if you’re offering–”

“You can go first,” he says, and grabs a brightly wrapped package for her.

With only two of them, they get through gifts fast, and Bellamy’s down to his last one, the Lego set, before Clarke is, with no ring and no proposal in sight.

So that’s awkward.

“This one’s me, right?” he asks, holding it up.

“Yeah.” If he was going to propose, he’d do it first, right? He wouldn’t be saving it for the end for dramatic effect.

Fuck, he’s Bellamy, of course he would.

“Are you planning to do anything special?” she blurts out.

“With the present?”

“No, with–Christmas.”

He looks down at the present, swallows. “Uh–maybe?”

“I knew it!” she says, and immediately feels awful about it. “Sorry, I just–if you want to do a big dramatic speech, you should maybe do it before you open that.”

“I should?”

“Just if you want to–yeah.”

He nods once, puts the package aside slowly, and then reaches into his pocket. “I couldn’t decide if you figured it out or not.”

“Neither could I, if it helps.”

“Just wanted to check?” he teases, and scoots next to her. “Should I not do this? Do you not want–”

She leans in and kisses him, just for a second. “I’ve been waiting all morning,” she tells him, and he laughs.

“Okay, well–I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want to marry you. So–” The ring is perfect, no stone because she told him at some point that she doesn’t like rings with stones on them, and apparently he listened. “Will you marry me?”

“Of course,” she says, laughing, and kisses him and slides the ring on before she adds, “That was it?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I’d known your speech was that short, I wouldn’t have felt bad stealing your thunder.”

He frowns. “Stealing my thunder?”

“Open your present.”

He does it, smiles at the site of the Lego set, but with a certain kind of bemusement. “For my desk?”

“Yeah. Open the box.”

He does, and the ring falls out first, right into his hand.

“I might have had a minor crisis about figuring out a good enough present for you,” she says. “I’m never going to top the coupon book and I thought you were going to propose! So I just figured if we both proposed, everyone got a good present.”

He laughs and leans in to kiss her again. “So, you were afraid if I proposed, I’d win Christmas?”

“I couldn’t come up with anything that good!” she says, but she’s laughing too. “I just didn’t want you to be disappointed.”

“You’re going to marry me,” he says. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“But I did, so–put on the ring, Blake.”

“You’re not going to ask first?”

She bumps her nose against his, and then kisses him. “I love you. Will you marry me?”

“Definitely,” he says, grinning. “Thanks for asking.”

[gayneral]

All cookie asks :) :)

Thank u guys for sending me asks!!!!Time to try my hand at answering all of thosePutting it under read more bc it got long af rip

chocolate chip cookie: what scent reminds you of your childhood?When I’m in more rural areas, driving past fields, and take in the smell, it always reminds me of driving to the netherlands every holiday when I was young. It’s mostly the smell of canola fields, cows and fresh air that creates that effect I think.macaroon: when was the first time you fell in love with a place?I loved Ireland when I was there w the school, and I honestly fell in love with Brasil when I went there in 2015 but the first place I fell in love with was the rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. I was maybe 8 or younger when I first visited it and saw it again at age 14 or 15 and there was something about walking around this building with the art works all around me that filled my heart.peanut butter cookie: what’s the weirdest diet/eating habit you’ve had?Oh geez, I used to be a suuuper picky eater, barely eating anything when I was young. I’d say eating food in a special order when eating a meal w meat,sides and vegetables of some sort, but I still do that in a way so it’s not exactly habit I “had”mexican wedding cookie: was your first kiss the way you wanted it to be?I honestly never thought that much about my first kiss so when it happened I wasn’t dissapointed or anything. It happened very spontanously, without me expecting it and at that point it was purely platonic.My at that point future,now ex girlfriend, was giving kisses to friends and I was jokingly offended bc I didn’t get one. Afterwards I told her it was my first kiss lmao

snickerdoodle: what was the name of the first pet that you got to name yourself?I never gto to name any pets, mainly because every dog we had was already named.gingerbread man: what’s your absolute All-time Favorite winter holiday tradition?Okay, I’m not a fan of most winter holiday things bc bad memories but I looove the food. And I love snow iiiiif were lucky enough to have it. But What I enjoy most is christmas markets. I go to the christmas market in the city I live in every year. The one in the city I grew up in isn’t that nice because there is not enough space for the market but the one where I live right now is amazing. It’s gorgeous, I love the lights and the little houses that sell things, the smell of christmas themed food and the way especially kids look so in awe about it.I always buy myself chocolate covered fruits on the christmas market and just take a stroll through it. Once when it opened, early to have space and then once in the evening to see the lights. I also always buy Gingerbread in September already because I love it, just like domino steine and Bethmännchenoatmeal raisin: when you were a kid what was your absolute least logical but most hated thing to do?This one’s a little tricky because there are so many holes in my memory but the first thing I can think of was bathing. Made no sense for me to hate it but I didn’t like it at allsugar cookie: salty or sweet?It really depends on what I’m craving at the time. I love salted cashews a lot and would snack them all the time if they weren’t so expensive. But sweet and sugary things are great too. But in favour of my teeth I usually go w saltyalfajor: what song do you want to play at your wedding?oh boy, there are so many good songs that mean something but here’s a few songs I came up w at the spot (If anyone cares lmao)Paradise- George Ezra, Absolutely Smitten-dodie, Healed- Rag’n’Bone Man, Weathered- Jack Garratt, Something’s gotta give- OneRepublic, Better- SYML, Good for me- Above & Beyond, Huff + Puff- Just a Band, Oh my Love- The Scoreanimal cracker:what’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink?It’s boring as hell but water. Hot Chocolate, Ice Tea and Coke are great but Water is the Nr one thingbiscotti: what languages do you speak? which one feels the most intimate to you?I speak German and English and broken Dutch (tho I understand and can read it tooooons better than I can speak it lmao).I prefer using English over German and I thinl that’s because ur mothertongue feels more intimate in a weird way. Like things are easier to say for me in english, especially more emotional thingsblack and white cookie: how’d you handle your very first heartbreak?Oh geez, bad probably. Talking about non romantic heartbreak here bc, heartbreaks are universal. I used to cry a looooot. When I was really sad I used to curl up on the floor and cried, at early points of feeling bad probably still calling out for my mother or grandmother.choco biscuit: when was the first time that you broke your own heart?oh god, I can’t remember, I’m big on repressing my childhood, even up to my teen years, so I really can’t tell, sorrydutch letter: if you could decorate your room anyway you wanted, how would it look?hmm, it’s parently how my room in my previous looked like, with lots of pictures of my friends on the walls, posters, colourful lights. Shelves with books, everything tidy and in order. fig roll: what promise do you wish you could take back?Generally I try only to make promises I mean n stuff. I made promises to my mother that I wish I wouldn’t have because I didn’t believe in these things and the promises just slowed down my life, or made me feel worse because they were all made for my mothers sake, to make her act positive around meoreo: what’s the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful thing about you?This one is hard to answer because, as someone with low self-esteem, it’s hard to think of something beautiful about myself. Let alone something heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Heart-Wrenching makes me think of something beautiful but sad. Not sure if that’s what’s being referred to. Maybe something sad and beautiful about me is that I’m a chance giver. Second chances, third chances and so on. Sometimes it’s rewarded with someone actually having changed but ever so often I am disappointed and giving myself up in a way for it just ends in well..me shouldering everything. Maybe a part of me believes in people being able to change. This applies to myself too, I give myself chances and thats good to nt give myself up but sometimes I fear it’s useless. My mother is the best example for the bad outcome of it, I gave her chance after chance, willing or becuase I had no other chance and she keeps on letting me down. Honsty is maybe on of these heart-wrenchingly beautioful things too but this is already getting too long lmao sorrypolvoron: do you collect anything? if so what?I have a bit of a collector streak, probably from my grandparents, they collect everything. I sorta collect fan shirts, I p much don’t own t-shirts that are basic, or with “classic prints” on. I collect my old art. I have four folders of my own art because I can’t let go of the process I made over the years. Could say I collect fanstuff in general, figures, books, posters, trinkets. I collect pins and stuff for my backpack, I tingle wherever I go, you can hear me miles awaythumbprint cookies: what’s your favorite fairytale?I always liked Rapunzel, the Grimms fairytale version, my grandmother read to mewafer: what kind of music manages to totally transport you somewhere else? There’s the happy kind of music,with the nice lyrics and the upbeat melody that makes me do weird lowkey dance movements with my upper body. I love music that’s orchestra, stings especially.with choir and a main singer.

[the-last-airbadger]

Get To Know Me Questions

Ok so I reblogged this thing a few days ago, and even though nobody asked me questions, I’m still going to answer them, because I really like doing these things and maybe, just maybe, there’s someone out there that’s actually interested in my answers to these questions but was too shy to ask me or didn’t see the post. But now the answers will be in my personal tag forever. Yay ^-^

(please beware this is a very long post these are 125(!) questions! It took me three days to finish!)

I hope you enjoy these questions and my answers to these questions!

1. What is your full name? Skylar Elliott (Dutch last name). (I’m not sure if I wanna post my last name on tumblr…)

2. What is your nickname? I don’t really have a nickname… everyone calls me Sky though, I guess that counts…

3. What is your zodiac sign?   Gemini! 

4. What is your favorite book series? Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I have never enjoyed reading a book as much as I enjoyed reading these books.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I don’t know? I’d like to say I believe in aliens and ghosts but there’s always this voice in the back of my head that tells me that it’s “cool, but they don’t actually excist because it hasn’t been proven”. Although I do believe that aliens must be out there somewhere I mean the universe is so big we cannot be the only life forms. I just think aliens are so much more different than we humans can even imagine.

6. Who is your favorite author? Rick Riordan! Very sassy, author of my favourite book series and cares a lot about representation in books which is very gud.

7. What is your favorite radio station? I mean I don’t really listen to the radio but I kinda like skyradio because it has part of my name in it and I also love npo2 between christmas and new years eve because they play a top2000 of music that you can vote for and it’s really fun. (These are both dutch stations I believe, so if you don’t recognise these stations, that’s why)

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Usually strawberry. Strawberry ice cream, strawberry sweets, strawberry sauce, strawberry lemonade, strawberry tea, strawberry smoothies… I love them all.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? “Awesome” or “cool” 

10. What is your current favorite song? Heaven - Troye Sivan ft. Betty Who Prove me wrong - Fireflight Escape - Fireflight They share the first place so I listed them all. I literally cannot choose. 

Heaven makes me feel much lgbtq+ pride and happiness, as well as sadness and determination to change the world. Plus I can really relate and let my emotions out by listening to this song

Escape is a very good song about overcoming fears and, again, I can really relate to this song. I really like the refrain because when singing it I can really throw my emotions into this and let them out. Again, this song fills me with determination to change the world and the way I handle problems. It makes me feel stronger. And the ending is really reassuring and beautiful.

Prove me wrong, I can also really relate to. It’s about being insecure about yourself but then someone else helps you see that you are actually a really nice person. It reminds me of my friends.

11. What is your favorite word? Ethereal -  “Extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world” 

12. What was the last song you listened to? Heaven - Troye Sivan ft. Betty Who (listening to it right now)

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Brooklyn Nine-Nine because it’s hillarious and very progressive and inclusive and the characters are very lovable.

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Probably just any Harry Potter movie. They never get old.

15. Do you play video games? Sometimes. I’m not that big of a fan of videogames but I like games like life is stranger or all the harry potter games and I sometimes play mario with my brother.

16. What is your biggest fear? I’m afraid of my house setting fire and I’m kinda afraid of all bugs but I think my biggest fear is wasting my life and dying unhappy and unfulfilled. 

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m a very positive person and I have and okay face and I make bad jokes (that I secretly think are hillarious). And I always try to learn and improve myself and become the best person I can be.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I’m insecure about EVERYTHING and I overthink every move I make in life and that makes me feel like I’m failing everything and everyone especially the people I care about.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats! I think dogs are very cute but irl I kinda shy away from dogs because I’m still lowkey scared of dogs but cats are so cuddly and cute and I want

20. What is your favorite season? Probably fall. Because of Halloween and the leaves FALLing (get it? Fall, falling. haha) from the trees and the colours and the wind and the whole leadup to christmas. I also like that the temperature isn’t to high or to low. Winter’s too cold and summer’s to hot and spring is okay but not that special.

21. Are you in a relationship? Nope. But right now I’m only interested in friendships anyway so I don’t mind. (also being both ace and trans I kinda feel like it’s impossible to find anyone who’d actually want to date me so I kinda just… don’t bother. Transition first, relationships later)

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? I miss that I was so social and talked to everyone without restraint or fear. And I miss having the time to read.

23. Who is your best friend? @asiandutchgirl @the-official-pentacorn  They’re both two of the most wonderfull people I’ve ever met don’t you dare make me choose

24. What is your eye color? Brown. There’s some green in them somewhere too if you look really closely but it’s mostly brown.

25. What is your hair color? Also brown but I’ve been thinking about dyeing it for a long time… but usually I can’t because my acting class won’t allow it.

26. Who is someone you love? My siblings, my parents, my best friends, my grandparents, my household, my pets (although pets aren’t really people but I LOVE THEM OKAY)

27. Who is someone you trust? My siblings and my best friends. I could tell them anything.

28. Who is someone you think about often? I hope this doesn’t sound weird but My best friends. They make me happy and they’re a big part of my life even though I don’t see them nearly as often as I should. And I guess, because of that, I just miss them often. 

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? I’m in the middle of the process of legally changing my name and gendermarker! I cannot wait to see them on my new ID!!

30. What is your biggest obsession? At the moment definately VOLTRON (season 2 was so guddd)

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? I used to loooooove Zack and Cody. And after that I started to enjoy ICarly and Victorious a lot. I used to spend whole weekends watching these shows. 

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My best friends and my sister.

33. Are you superstitious? A little bit. I mean I know it’s bullshit but somewhere, in the back of my mind, I still believe bringing “lucky items” to stressfull situations will help me somehow.

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Uhh… not really? I mean the only thing I can think of is that I cannot sleep in a room with, for example, my mom, because I know she snores and then I am so afraid that it’ll keep me awake that I cannot sleep… -_-

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? I prefer to be in front of the camera because being behind the camera makes me responsible for the final product while being in front of the camera comes pretty natural to me. My granddad always films every important family event and I grew up with a love for acting and being on stage so… I like that.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Watching a show that is soooo goood you just have to binge it and being on the edge of your seat the whole time and just getting lost in it basically. 

37. What was the last book you read? A book for school. “Two women” by Harry Mulish. I didn’t really like it. *spoilers* a lesbian main character was killed in the last two pages just as I thought she’d live happily ever after -_-

38. What was the last movie you watched? Iron man… I think… yeah I watched that the day before my brothers birthday when his friend stayed over.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I play the piano! I’m not that good at it but hey, I enjoy it.

40. What is your favorite animal? I really like Lions. They’re like big cats and also super majestic.

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? the-official-pentacorn, asiandutchgirl, hagraeven-side-blog, slytherin-bookworm-guy, relatable-pictures-of-pidge… I think…. there are much more, I’m sure, but these are the first ones I came up with and they all have a special place in my heart.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? I’d love to be able to fly, but, as a trans guy, I think shapeshifting would probably make me the happiest.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? In the cinema. Just comfortably sitting in a chair with food. My only responsibilities being watching a movie, keeping my mouth shut and eating. Perfect.

44. What makes you smile? Music, My friends, A happy scene in a tv-show or book, a very bad joke, realising how much I love the people that matter to me, having an actual nice social interaction that wasn’t in any way awkward, gender euforia, doing something I love.

45. What sports do you play, if any? …Have you ever seen me trying to exercise? 

46. What is your favorite drink? Fresh Lemonade. I had some in Greece and it was literally the best thing I’ve ever tasted… Why don’t we have that in the Netherlands :’(

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Probably sometime when I left the house to get some groceries and didn’t know when my dad would be home so I left him a note on the table

48. Are you afraid of heights? It depends. If I’m walking next to a very deep drop I’m terrified I’ll fall, but in a rollercoaster, on a plane, or even a on bus that’s driving on narrow roads next to a massive ravine, I have no problem with heights. I guess I just don’t trust myself at great heights because of my clumsiness. 

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Whenever I’m trying to concentrate on something I cannot handle it when people ! start ! to ! eat ! crisps ! or ! nuts ! or ! something ! VERY ! LOUDLY !!!! Somehow this mainly happens around my mom and sister and not really anyone else but sometimes it gets so bad I literally have to leave the room. Also snoring… because if someone starts to snore I will not be able to sleep for hours unless I have my phone and some earbuds nearby.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yes! I’ve seen Al di Meola (when I was six, with my dad), Lissie, Maria Mena, Delain, Within Temptation (twice), Vanessa Carlton and K3 and I’m gonna see Lindsey Stirling in March!

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nope! But my dad is vegan so half of the time the only meat I eat is the sausage on my sandwiches.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? Cassier, Artist, Inventor, Archaologist, Game-Designer, Actor, Writer, Idfk. All in this order.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? I’d love to live in the world from Avatar: The Last Airbender because it’s basically the same as ours only with DRAGONS and BENDING and all other kinds of cool animals and cool stuff.

54. What is something you worry about? In a week and a half I have test-week and then in a little more than a month I have another test week and then in May I have my final exams and I have SO MUCH LEFT to study and SO MANY PROJECTS left to do and SO MANY BOOKS left to read and I worry I will never pass and die in the process and start hating my life. (which I already kind of do because of school, but hey, only four months left… only four months left…)

55. Are you scared of the dark? Depends. Around 8pm I have no problem with the dark but around 11pm/12pm/1am I am not a fan of walking down two sets of stairs to go to the toilet.

56. Do you like to sing? YES. Omg I absolutely love singing!! I sing everyday and I’m also in a choir (that has been founded for trans people specifically so I don’t have to worry about my high voice) which is super awesome and I love it.

57. Have you ever skipped school? Nope. At least not without my parent’s permission.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Probably just any cinema or my home. They’re both places I can just feel at ease and eat.

59. Where would you like to live? Tbh I am perfectly happy in the places I live right now and I don’t think I’ll ever move far away from here, but it would be supercool to live in London!

60. Do you have any pets? Yes! I have two guinea pigs (who are both supercute and cuddly) and a cat (who is supercute, but anything but cuddly)!

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl. Mornings are for sleep

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets because sunsets happen around my favourite time of the day, and I only see sunrises if I have to wake up very early or if I’ve pulled an all-nighter and I hate both of these things. Like I said, mornings are for sleep.

63. Do you know how to drive? No, I don’t. I will probably start lessons next year though!

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? I prefer headphones because of the sound quality, but after I’ve worn my headphones for an entire day they always start to hurt because they press my glasses against my head and when I’m going outside earbuds are a lot easier to take with me. Same when I’m trying to listen something calming to fall asleep, earbuds are easier. 

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes, I’ve worn braces for about nine months when I was thirteen

66. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t really have a favourite genre, but I really enjoy soundtracks, rock, some pop and some dubstep songs.

67. Who is your hero? I don’t really have a hero. There are a lot of people I look up to but I think that if I’d have to choose someone right now I’d choose Thomas Sanders because he’s just the nicest human on the planet and I aspire to make people laugh and smile like he does.

68. Do you read comic books? No, not really. They don’t really grab my attention the way books or tv-shows do and I always end up skimming the pages and spoiling myself.

69. What makes you the most angry? Ignorance. Whenever someone refuses to be open minded. Whenever someone claims to know something better than I do and refuses to listen to me. Whenever someone tells me how I should be feeling when they don’t even try to understand what I’m feeling. Whenever someone even tries to shit on my community, friends and interests. 

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? I prefer reading a real book because books never run out of power, smell good, and just give me that nice reading vibe. And because my e-reader is slow as heck and I have to wait ages for the pages to turn. 

71. What is your favorite subject in school? My favourite subject is probably Ancient Greek. I really like learning the ancient greek language and culture and I’m also pretty good at it. Plus my ancient greek class is a very nice group of people and we have an awesome teacher.

72. Do you have any siblings? Yes! I have a sister who’s eightteen and a brother who’s fourteen and I love them very much.

73. What was the last thing you bought? Last monday I bought myself crisps, cola and some liquorice candy because I had a sore throat. (edit: and today I bought some more crisps, some more cola, and candy’s agains coughing… they didn’t help)

74. How tall are you? Last time I checked (about nine months ago at the hospital) I was about 165 cm tall which is about 5’5″

75. Can you cook? … I can make eggs… and pancakes… and really easy pieces of meat that you basically only have to heat up in a pan…. And I can warm up soup from a can… and that’s about it I guess lol

76. What are three things that you love? Time for myself, watching tv-shows, rain. 

77. What are three things that you hate? playing sports, homework, stress.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Definately more female friends. I can’t relate as much with cis men and I don’t have that many trans people that are actively involved in my day to day life. Plus girls are amazing.

79. What is your sexual orientation? I identify as asexual. I don’t really understand what sexual attraction is exactly… and like… I do not understand how you can associate people you actually know in your life with sex without being creeped out? And the idea that people that are in a relationship are having sex with eachother just… really boggles my mind. Especially because to everyone it seems so normal? and then I’m just like “why would you do that…”

80. Where do you currently live? I have two houses (divorced parents) and I live in both a small city and a big village. They’re both about half an hour away from Rotterdam in the Netherlands but I’m not sure if I wanna post the exact places I live on tumblr…

81. Who was the last person you texted? My brother. He asked me which one of us would buy banana’s and chocolate. I said he should because I was still at school.

82. When was the last time you cried? Last sunday. I was super stressed out because of school. I had to finish a project and I had two hours left but my brain was dead so I kinda crashed.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Phil Lester (AmazingPhil), Dan Howell (danisnotonfire), Sean McLaughlin (Jacksepticeye) and Chase Ross (uppercasechase1). Dan and Phil always make me laugh and make me feel appreciated and I love them and their video’s and their dynamic a lot, Jack feels like one of my closest friends and he’s such a nice and funny guy, and Chase has helped me so much with transition-related problems. They’re all amazing and I cannot imagine my life without them.

84. Do you like to take selfies? Yes, I do! A lot! Whenever I’m on a trip or I look good or I just feel like trying on some new clothes and stuff, I always make selfies.

85. What is your favorite app? Probably the tumblr app. I spend half my life on there. Nothing is better than using my tumblr app to avoid social contact.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Really good. My mom is a very warm person that I can tell almost anything to. She’s very understanding and her hugs are very soft. She values my opinions a lot and is always there to listen to what I say. With my dad I find it harder to tell him everything but that’s probably because I get the feeling that he expects a bit more from me? Idk if that’s true though, might just be my imagination. But he’s a very chill and self-assured person and I like that it’s always so calm at his house, whereas at my moms house things can be very chaotic and sometimes stressfull. My dad is very open and very accepting and he keeps surprizing me with how much he’s okay with.  Overall my parents are really really nice. They support my transition and my life choices and they just want me to be happy. I couldn’t have wished for better parents. 

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? I really love scottish it’s amazing. A gift to humanity.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Japan!! I really wanna go there it seems so awesome!!

89. What is your favorite number? 13

90. Can you juggle? I can’t even aim, throw or catch a ball of course I can’t juggle

91. Are you religious? Nope

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer space. There are so many things left to discover and it’s so big!! It feels like everything is possible in space. Also it’s very pretty.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Not really. Whenever something scary happens, I’m out. I’ll run away as fast as I can.  I do really like rollercoaster and stuff though and I’d love to try and sky-dive or bungee-jump… but I guess that’s because I’m not the one who’s in control in these situations.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Not that I know…

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yup.

96. Can you wiggle your ears? A little bit

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? I try to always admit it when I’m wrong about something. It’s a very decent thing to do and it prevents conflicts from happening or escalating. Plus you won’t really gain anything by refusing to admit you’re wrong about something.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? The forest. I hate the beach. It’s either way too hot or way too cold and there’s sand everywhere I hate it.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? I don’t know. I can’t really remember all the advices I’ve ever been given, and I don't think that one piece of advice alone can have that much impact. It’s the combinations of all the advice you’ve ever had that really makes a difference. If you can combine different people’s experiences and advices you’ll figure out what to do by yourself. But I guess if I had to choose one piece of advise that I value, I’d say: “It’s good to think about others and help other people, as long as it isn’t at the expense of yourself. In the end, you are the most important to yourself. You are the one that has to live with yourself for the rest of your life. You shouldn’t always put others before yourself because you are important too and you deserve love and kindness and happiness too. You deserve to be happy” (I think most of this advice I actually got from markiplier, from his most recent believe in yourself video. It’s a very motivational video, go and watch it!)

100. Are you a good liar? Yes I am. I used to lie about everything to fit in with the cool kids and keep them as my friends. It was like second nature to me. I guess I did learn something from acting class…  I still lie a lot to my acting friends by the way, just because they party every week and I hate parties but if I tell the truth they think I don’t like them, which isn’t true at all. I like them! But I really hate parties… and they can be a bit draining to be around.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true And unafraid of toil

102. Do you talk to yourself? Yep. Pretty often. Whenever I’m home alone I just sorta narrate my life. Sometimes I make it a musical!

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert. Interacting with people is fun but after a while I really need time alone, it really drains my energy, especially when I am not feeling well anyway. The only interactions with people that actually give me energy are interactions with my closest friends and family.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I keep a transition-diary to write down the important moments related to transition, so I can read it back when I’m older and I won’t forget anything.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes. If someone is really willing to better themselves and are working hard to improve I think they deserve a second chance to give them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. 

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Probably leave it. I woudn’t want to go through either the trouble of handing it in or the guilt of not doing that, so I’d probably place it somewhere more noticable and let someone else decide what happens with it. 

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Yes. People go through all kinds of things in live and they keep learning and bettering themselves. If a person really wants to change then I believe they can, no matter how long it takes. They’ll get there.

108. Are you ticklish? Yes. Very. If you tickle me I start screaming and kicking and I sometimes fall on the floor. It’s my weakness…

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Eight times. To Rome and back, to portugal and back, twice to greece and back.

110. Do you have any piercings? Do earrings count? Because I wear earrings sometimes.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Aang. I feel like we would be pretty good friends and our world really needs the avatar tbh.

112. Do you have any tattoos? Nope. But I do want one. I just cannot decide what I would want on my body forever… probably either something avatar related (like the air-nation logo or something, because that’s really cool) or something transition-related because it’s such an important part of my life and it’s something about me that will never change.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Coming out and contacting the hospital to start my medical transition. Because without that, where would I be? I’d be the unhappiest little shit ever.

114. Do you believe in karma? Nope

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I’ve worn glasses ever since I was eight years old. I will never wear contacts. ever. They freak me out! Why would you put something in your eye.

116. Do you want children? I don’t know. I always wanted kids, but ever since I found out I was trans and realised that I couldn’t have them naturally, I’m not sure anymore, because I don’t know if I want to adopt. I think it’s really gonna depend on if I have a partner or not and what the possibilities are… we’ll see. Babies are very cute though… and I think I’d love being a dad, even though I’m very afraid of becoming a terrible father. If I have kids I want them to be happy and decent humans. My sister will definately have kids though because she really really wants kids so I’ll definately be an uncle and maybe that’ll be enough for me. Who knows? And mayble I’ll get a partner with young kids and help them raise their kids… I think I’d prefer helping someone raising kids and giving the kids good life advice and do fun things together without being the one who has the most responsibilities.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My sister has a friend who scored really well in school (an average score of around 90% I believe), who now studies both medical science and classics, plays the piano flawlessly, and is also a very nice person. She also won a price in an ancient greek competition, she was the best of the country!!

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I was ten years old and I had a friend who was a pretty big bully and I really wanted to stay her friend so I kinda just went along with it. One day I thought I was being cool and asked said friend to place a folded airplane on the bullied guy’s table that said something like “idiot” on it.  The guy then proceded to tell the teacher who told the entire class and demanded to know who had done it. I was terrified! Then my supposed friend ratted me out. I wanted to dissappear!! My teacher at the time was kind of my hero and I did not want to dissappoint her at all. I then proceded to lie that I just wanted to give the guy a folded airplane because I knew he liked them and didn’t know that it had the word “idiot” on it. I said that the word idiot wasn’t directed toward the guy and that I didn’t turn myself in because I was to scared the teacher would be angry at me. She believed me and everything went well but damn. This is the memory that still haunts me at 3am when I’m trying to sleep.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yes. A lot. Always at sleep-over parties. I used to really love pulling an all-nighter but now… not so much. When it’s 4am, I just want to sleeepppp.

120. What color are most of you clothes? Most of my clothes are blue! I have a lot of dark blue sweaters and hoodies.

121. Do you like adventures? Meh. I used to, but now I just want to go home and watch a movie.

122. Have you ever been on TV? Nope, but I’m probably gonna be! Right now there is a documentary in the making about my choir, which will be on TV and I’ll be in it!

123. How old are you? I’m 17 years old and I’ll turn 18 on June 4th 2017.

124. What is your favorite quote? I really like the entire songtext of escape by fireflight, but I can’t really put an entire songtext here, can I? The part of the song I love most are: “You are not hopeless. You are not worthless. You are loved. Don’t give up. This is your time” and “We don’t want to save ourselves”  But if I had to pick an all-time favourite quote I’d probably pick the following quote from Dan Howell: “And at the end of the day, if something makes you and other people happy, that’s what’s important”

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory. I really like sweet foods from time to time but I am always craving savory foodsss ohm yg od

So there it is, I hope you enjoyed these questions and getting to know me a bit more! I really enjoyed answering these questions and they also kinda helped me study, because I only allowed myself to answer ten questions after finishing a certain amout of homework, so that’s good…

I hope you liked this and have a nice day!