#i just like mine a bit more codependent and also one of them has to be a vaguely disembodied voice :)

[bun-z-bakery]

Does Dogday have any bad or annoying habits?

✧. ┊ 𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝐷𝑜𝑔 𝑂𝑙𝑑 𝑇𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑠

Oh, absolutely! Dogday has a few little habits, good and bad. Some slowly died down after a while but these are just a few I could think of rn :3

Teeny tiny CW for this one! There is mentions of some destructive behavior such as hoarding and codependency. It's not too detailed but I wanted to let you guys know before reading!

Old habits die hard

He has a lot of old habits that were drilled into him during his time at playtime co. Like

Talking in third person. 

Following a strict schedule. 

Scolding you when you swear etc. 

It takes a bit, but eventually he's able to catch and stop himself. 

Sometimes he'll mess with you and speak in third person, all you can do is sigh and stare. 

Oh no! Our table! It's broken!

He breaks things, ALOT. He sometimes forgets his strength and has a habit of gripping objects a bit too hard that they break. 

Your phone? What phone? 

Your laptop? He has no idea how that happened. 

We don't talk about how the railing came off of the wall, even though he doesn't know how it happened! 

What's mine isn't yours

As much as he trusts his angel, he can never be too sure. 

He keeps cans of food or anything he can snack on hidden as a “just in case”. When you four escaped he used to be very territorial when it came to food. Not that he wanted to be. 

He knows he can trust you, but he also knows from experience anything could easily be taken away, so expect him to be territorial with food or gifts for the first few months and expect to find stale food hidden under your bed too. 

What's yours is his

Literally. 

Dogday hates being apart from you, he has a bit of separation anxiety. He'll even “borrow” your stuff when you're gone. 

Clothes? He can't wear them, so he'll make a little nest on your bed with them. 

Getting him to wake up and move from the pile so you can put your stuff away is a struggle. The amount of torn and ripped clothing you have accumulated is concerning. Coming home to your favorite sweater or shirt being ripped and torn under his weight while he's in dreamland isn't fun, but once again, he has no idea how that happened. Strange. 

Paranoia and over thinking until he drops. 

He tends to overthink and rambles alottttt to himself when you're not there. Poppy has a hard time snapping him out of it. He can't help it, if something happens to you he'll never be able to cope plus he would never forgive himself for not being able to protect you.

Whenever you're home, he's basically glued to your side. Privacy? You don't know her! 

He keeps an eye on everyone and sometimes walks around the property at night to make sure it's safe.

As much as you reassure him, he still can't shake the feeling that something followed the four of you out. 

Manners? Not in this house, apparently. 

He's a bit of a messy eater and slurps his food. 

Everyone agrees he should be more mindful of his eating habits, but he can't help it. It's good! 

It was cute at first, seeing him enjoy his first proper meal after so long, but cleaning the mess and himself wasn't. 

The look of disapproval and disgust on your faces was enough for him to stop. 

Keep your tongue to yourself please

Whether it be affectionate or because you have food on your face, it doesn't matter. He will lick you! You think it's gross, Poppy thinks it is absolutely disgusting, and Kissy just sides-eyes him when he does. The table was silent the first time it happened. He sees nothing wrong with it, so expect it to happen again. 

A/N: I really had fun with these, I know I'll probably think of more in the future lol he's a silly dude we love him in this house. Thanks for reading and here's your order! 🍰☕

[b33tlejules]

Revised relationship chart between mine and @localcryptic's sidesteps.

Explanation if anyone cares:

Ripley and Teo: Siblings. Brother and sister, Ripley's older. Live together, do villain shit together, codependent as hell post-heartbreak. Ripley's the yapper, Teo's the more quiet one. Do not separate them.

Rhan and Teo: Exes, dated on and off. Rhan wasn't really as romantically into it as Teo was, and saw it more an excuse to hook up every now and then. It wasn't a very fulfilling relationship for either of them, so the breakup was relatively smooth all things considered.

Al and Teo: Lovers <3 Started as villain rivals, then made out in the tunnels, then Teo performed life saving surgery on Al, then gave Al a place to stay after she broke up with Judas. Now they're taking things slower. Kind of did their relationship shit out of order but hey! They got where they needed to be. Also Teo helped Al realize she was trans that's a big one.

Judas and Teo: Judas has no clue who Teo is, besides the vague idea of someone who picked Al up after they broke up. Teo knows too much about Judas from Al and may or not be planning on ruining his life. The haterisms are more one sided.

Al and Judas: Where do we even begin here. Al and Judas were peak toxic yaoi of their time. Judas, a person notoriously obsessed with control, got into a very close relationship with Al, a person notoriously prone to being manipulated. Their relationship had a very classic "you belong to me" "okay <3 yay <3" dynamic happening between those twinks. What was once endearing turned sour once Judas suspected Al was talking to other villains. It got to the point where he slit her throat, failed to kill her, got stabbed by Al, and Al still apologized to Judas. They kept dating after that! All it took was Teo finding the tracking device Judas put on Al's suit for Al to finally put her foot down and say "Yknow what? fuck this" and she left him.

Ripley and Judas: Ripley just hates the guy on principle. Judas' tendency to attempt to establish his authority everywhere he goes versus Ripley's natural hatred for anyone with authority.

Rhan and Judas: Coworkers. For some reason I have no idea what their actual dynamic is. Judas hired Rhan once for a job and then became the person he vented to when Judas and Al broke up. Rhan keeps blocking his number but for some reason Judas is under the impression they're friends.

Al and Rhan: They don't know eachother very well. Rhan knows Al is the person Teo's seeing after they broke up. Al knows that Rhan was the person Teo was seeing before they got together (and a little bit during. It was complicated.) Who is jealous of who? Don't worry about it.

Ripley and Rhan: Haters but for no real reason. They're both assholes with weird complexes and gay in the opposite directions from one another. If they were normal kids they would've played wolves together. But they're grown ass adult regenes and neither are willing to be friends.

Ripley and Al: In avi's words: "Ripley acts like he's annoyed [by Al and Teo] but he actually thinks it's cute. He likes seeing Teo so happy. Al might think Teo's affection is more subdued but Ripley knows Teo, and that this is the height of romance for her. He genuinely really likes Al in that 'if you break my sister's heart you're fucking dead' kind of way. Once he gets past the initial 'There is a Stranger in my House' weirdness, [Ripley and Al would] end up being really close. Al probably thinks Ripley hates her a little bit because Ripley shows his genuine affection through loving teasing. Ripley hopes Teo and Al stay together forever"

[joannerowling]

funny that she would say "Tell me something about Dean. You can't, can you? He had no backstory," when Dean gets the most characterization out of all the Gryffindors (minus the trio + Neville). we don't know much about Seamus, besides that he loves Quidditch, that he isn't brilliant at school, that his mom is annoying and that he seems to like confrontation. that's very basic info. we don't know much about Parvati and Lavender besides that they are pretty girly, love divination, are interested in boys (and that Lavender had a bunny). i don't think we know much about both of them individually either (but that's okay because they are kind of like a codependent female duo, every school has those). but DEAN? he loves football, he is a good drawer, he is good at quidditch, but he is also a fierce fighter and has no hesitation standing up to people like Umbridge when she insults Lupin. like, come on, there is a reason why ginny choses to date him and there's a reason why Harry hates him so much -- Dean is the archetype of the nice, popular boy made up in a lab for Harry to be jealous about! he is the Gryffindor version of Cedric, in that sense. "We don't know much about Dean" he literally gets more "screentime" than every other Gryffindor (minus the trio + Neville). Dean was in the Malfoy's manor. Dean was on the run with the goblins and Ted in DH, we literally get a scene where the trio overhears him and it's such a poignant and moving scene!! Dean was at Bill and Fleur's cottage. Dean was Ginny's boyfriend. Dean was on the Quidditch team. Dean was in the AD. Dean was literally the most relevant secondary character in ootp, hbp and dh (as far as the Gryffindors are concerned). Not to mention that he has a fully fleshed out backstory - his dad was killed for refusing to join Voldemort and Dean was raised thinking he was a muggle but he finds out it's not true (we actually do get to hear some echo of this backstory in that DH scene when the trio overhears him talking to the goblins and Ted).

"He had no backstory, I don't think we even met his parents, he was just "Seamus' nicer friend"." this is projection. this is not how Dean is treated in canon, but this is how Dean is treated by the fandom. the fandom constantly overlooks Dean and ruined his characterization to make him look like Seamus' nice friend when he actually has a personality of his own and is more interesting as a character than Seamus. now, as a former Popular Deamus Blogger, i can tell you the reasons why the fandom prefers seamus over dean sooo much is a bit suspicious but i don't want to wave around the racism allegations.... but they do constantly uwu-ify Dean and reduce him to Seamus' friend while Seamus receives significantly more attention from the fandom. canon doesn't justify this, if we were to follow canon, then Dean would be the one getting more attention and fanfictions than Seamus. (Dean also has great potential for fanfictions as you can also ship him with Luna) Anyway, all this to say that this woman probably forgot all about the books and is going on a whim about fanon characterization. I'm mad she turned off reblogs because I was ready to go out of my HP blogging retirement to defend my lord and savior Dean Thomas, the best background character in HP

Girl!! In the name of all Rowlingblr, i would like to appoint you head of the Dean Thomas fanclub. That was some good fangirling.

I didn't know that Dean was currently or in some fandom spaces LESS popular than Seamus. I always thought the opposite was true! Seamus is kind of annoying and confrontational in canon. Dean is way cooler and could have been the hero of his own story. Dean x Luna had its hour of glory circa 2007 (post DH release), it was definitely a guilty pleasure of mine.

I think people who get all up Jo's ass about Lavender and Parvati being kind of vapid and annoying need to take a chill pill. It's not like they're on Pansy's level of mean and hateful, they're just not heroines. God forbid a story imply that focusing on gossip, fashion and horoscopes might not make you a role model.

[autumnsartblog]

In your meta on Dracula and Jonathan you mentioned that you don't consider Drac a psychopath and I wonder if you can elaborate on that? That's not how I interpret him either, but I feel that many other novel fans do, and one may even argue that it's the only way to address the fact that he's based on the Lombroso's theories of the "atavistic criminal/born criminal" without supporting eugenics or just being fucking offensive in general (I think the fandom treats this part of the book too lightly.) I don't know about psychopathy enough to make a coherent point here, but you mention you're interested in it, so I think your opinion on it may be more valuable than mine.

( note to anyone reading this : I am not a professional, but the dark triad has been one of my interests over the years — please be polite and keep in mind that I am a minor )

Psychopaths tend to be quite incapable of guilt/remorse, and creating attachments that they want to keep (as well as a lack of empathy, etc). Dracula is capable of both, but rather, struggles with it.

In simple, the typical attachment style psychopaths have is an avoidant one. They value being independent, and will constantly distance themselves from another if they are more dependent, etc.

Dracula’s with Jonathan is more of an anxious attachment. (AGAIN, in simple) Such a style is characterised with a strong fear of abandonment, and may crave to create/have dependant relationships so that they feel secure, etc.

Dracula tries to create this codependency with Jonathan. Obviously, Jonathan would become dependant on him with the way he’s going about things, but why would he want to have someone dependent on him? Someone he likes? For what reason would he feel the need to do that?

What I conclude from that is so they don’t leave him. Dracula himself fears abandonment; as much as he never mentions it, his actions show it. Another reason could be sadistic pleasure, but he doesn’t *fully* intentionally try to torture Jonathan during his stay, he just does whatever he can to make sure that Jonathan doesn’t leave. If he was a psychopath, wouldn’t he have an avoidant attachment style? Wouldn’t he fear the emotional intimacy?

He doesn’t, for he craves it. Just as he craves someone to need him as much as he needs them ( Jonathan brings him happiness. Dracula obviously doesn’t feel much happiness in such a way, and he hates the way he lives. Jonathan gives him an escape of that, and therefore, he felt as if he needs Jonathan, in short )

One of the times I can say (it’s more of speculation) he felt remorse in the book is this small incident on May 28th/29th (I forgot the date 💔), where he burns Jonathan’s letter and locks him in the library, while going to his room to steal paper and important items. Jonathan says at the end of the entry that it was strange that he had no dreams, but “despair has it’s own calms”.

We all know that when something strange happens, it’s likely Dracula behind it. And, don’t you think it is odd that during a large portion of Jonathan’s stay, that he doesn’t often mention having bad or restless sleep? In fact, with the way he acts, he seems quite vigilant and energetic. I doubt he’d stay like that for almost 2 months unless he was actually getting decent sleep. I also suspect Dracula is behind this, and it also to me makes a bit more sense on why Jonathan chose to hang the crucifix atop of his bed of all places, instead of keeping it on. Cause Dracula has been sneaking into his room at night ( plus, whenever Jonathan makes up on the couch, Dracula is there )

Then there is also Dracula’s reaction to Jonathan attacking him on October 3rd, and what he did afterwards. He acts so high and mighty, despite dodging each and every one of Jonathan’s attacks and ducking under his arm to get out, while he chose to run away to the docks to get a ship as soon as possible. He was scared. What I will give to the claim of psychopathy, psychopaths do feel fear, but they struggle detecting and dealing danger. Dracula’s response to danger tends to be a bit reckless at first when he is in more of a panic [which he also seems to do right when he gets off the Demeter and during the ride ( he just…randomly kills a bunch of guys, not even drinking their blood — I’ll have to re-read that section of the book, don’t take this statement here as much )].

And, right at the end of the book, I suspect he practically allowed Jonathan to kill him. Like I said in the document, I find it very suspicious that the people working for Dracula gave no physical harm to Jonathan, and allowed him to pass through to Dracula. If that doesn’t show any semblance of guilt, then I’m not sure what does‼️ ( note : Guilt is a complex emotion, something none of the dark triad like to feel, so they tend to repress it )

With the empathy part of psychopathy, I can’t exactly argue against that as he very much struggles with it, and doesn’t know what the hell to do if someone is upset. Jonathan was crying in front of him on June 29th, and he literally blew him a kiss ( as if that was going to make him feel ANY better — btw I do know that he was teasing him ). I doubt he knows when he is feeling it, or if he even does.

But, again, some of his actions with Jonathan do show that he can at least understand when someone is upset, and that you need to do something to help that. He just doesn’t know what to do to help because he doesn’t fully comprehend feeling such an emotion. A psychopath wouldn’t really be able to even go that far in any empathy/sympathy.

ALSO about that piece of evidence you mention, the Lombroso theory; I know what it is about, not in detail, but Dracula was literally raised as a noble in the medieval times of about the late 1400’s, of course he will naturally more follow criminalistic behaviours, because it is something he can get away with if he is smart about it and it would have been encouraged of him to be violent to get victory. Historical context matters 🗣️🗣️ he likely doesn’t even see what he did to Jonathan as torture or abuse, he probably thinks he was being really nice 💀

— adding on here, another sign of psychopathy is that general recklessness and act on impulse. All vampires are characterised like this as they chase their desires, and Dracula is the only full vampire in the book that ever tries, and even can, resist his own desires when he is in the right mindset for it. Though, it is easy to make him break.

TLDR; Dracula is not a psychopath for a bunch of his actions in the book show he can comprehend and feel things a psychopath wouldn’t be able to do.

As I said in the document, he’d likely more be a machiavellianistic narcissist. Though, even then, many people don’t understand narcissism, or even machiavellianism for that matter. People should reallyyy do better research.

[veliseraptor]

Top 5 fucked up family bonds!

oh mannn. I feel like this one fluctuates depending on, like, what fandoms I'm focused on at the moment, but to try to shake it up a little since I've answered a question like this before (though that was specifically for siblings! and no shade! just challenging myself, mostly, since most of these are probably going to end up being siblings, that's just what I'm like)

1. Azula and Zuko. Since Avatar is in the air lately and I just queued a post about them, and I am deeply invested in their relationship even if I don't talk about it a huge amount these days - I think about this one in particular from Azula's persepctive. The way that Zuko is the negative that Azula measures herself against, that she pretends not to care about him but I think he occupies a substantial part of the way that she constructs herself in opposition to him, as everything he isn't, the negative model she will never be. But then there is Zuko's end of things, the push-pull between the ever-present comparison between them where he falls short and the fact that I think he genuinely does care for her even as he doesn't, I think, really know how to deal with her, or really understand her. And also any family relationship involving attempted murder is going to be like catnip to me.

2. Kinn and Vegas. Family dynamics where I am both very into the family dynamic and also kind of ship them occupy 3/5 positions on this list, which says something that I think is just about the way that sufficiently obsessive and entangled relationships between a pair of people is going to lure me into seeing what I can do to make it more fucked up (with possible fucking). But anyway!

I love how they make each other worse, all of the time. They bring out the absolute worst in each other, always; they fail to see each other clearly and perceive each other beyond their flaws but also beyond how their respective fathers have pitted them against each other like fighting roosters. They're mutually obsessed with each other no matter how much I think Kinn would like to pretend that he is aloof and indifferent. It's a mess. It's delightful. Also the only non-siblings on this list. Notable for the fact that in their first scene I failed to recognize them as cousins and assigned them ex-boyfriend energy.

3. Felix and Mildmay. Okay so I've included them on lists like this before but they deserve a mention anyway. Because boy! What a mess! From the beginning! They love each other so much and it's a disaster! Felix's attraction to Mildmay at least in part because he doesn't know how to love without sex! Mildmay's hopeless attachment to Felix despite all the cruelty he dishes out! They're just...I love them and I love their mess of a relationship and I also love how it develops over the course of the books into something better. Honestly the only one of these pairs that does that. Kudos to them.

4. Celegorm and Curufin. Okay, this one is built a little bit on a towering edifice of headcanon, but so sue me, and it's not entirely! There is on page content for these two! So there!

A friend of mine has the tag for these two #the other brotherwives and I feel like in some ways that sums it up for me - the way that they are, again, entangled in each other in a way where they always come as a pair, and their personalities both complement and contrast each other, and they're just so. All the sons of Feanor are a mess of codependent relationships but these two kind of stand out by virtue of always being paired, in everything, including all their worst choices, even their deaths. And again, I have a towering edifice of headcanon in particular about how their relationship both decays and calcifies over time, becoming both more desperately close and also more tangled with resentment at the way things fall out, but ultimately they can't be separated from each other.

5. Millions Knives and Vash. Throwing out a wildcard I haven't talked about much, but like. Wow! Another sibling relationship tailored to cater to me that came as a surprise out of left field and decked me in the face! I still need to read the manga but at least when it comes to Trigun: Stampede the sheer toxicity here, the fucked up love and protectiveness and possessiveness and guilt and the way that ultimately while Knives' goals exploit Vash it doesn't, I don't think, erase the love; I think he still sees it as for Vash's own good, even as he's doing much the same thing he deplores when humans do it. I have headcanons about part of Knives' motivation for crashing the ships has to do not just with self-protection but protection for Vash, and the way that decays over time is. Chef's kiss. Love it.

Bonus mention to Lucivar and Daemon and, because I just can't leave them off and they do still have a special place in my heart, Thor and Loki. But also for a non-sibling relationship again possibly out of left field, I actually think a lot about Loki and Odin too, and if I still have MCU feelings sometimes those are one of them.

[lucabyte]

hi im the anon who asked for ocs

thank you so much i love them so much

Im so happyy and gwaaghhh love your art and ocs so much and the worldbuilding seems so cool!!!!

erm i have not yet read all the linked things (hehehe soon SOOON) and literally would love to know even more about ALL OF THEM so uhhh *spins the wheel* tabitha

Hiiiiii!!! Cradles this ask in my hands like a baby bird. Thabmk you..... I have been staring at this ask periodically for days because I wanted to do some little explainer charts and do it justice for how kind you've been :')

Anyway!!! Tabitha is the funniest character to ask about first because he's like a fucked up little lodestone for MYMK's various factions.

Tabitha is.... A sleepy little (38 year old) guy. He has never done anything notable in his whole life ever.

... So he's the son of the richest man in the country. Not that he tries to think about that particularly often. His partner also doesn't think much about it since... Well, it doesn't really come up? Neither like their family so neither talk about nor visit them. And Chrome first got endeared to Tabitha after dragging his malnourished ass off the office floor a few dozen times when he'd passed out at work. He's clearly not bougie (and Chrome was relatively middle class anyway).

Eeeeeveryone else in Cliffside though (who's politically aware) is just, so suspicious of his sleepyhead ditzy guy demeanor. There's no way he's really that clueless and dim-witted.

Which... Is true. He's not dim-witted, just spacey and has internalised that all of his knowledge is worth absolutely nothing an undiagnosed autistic man who is finally in a low-stress environment.

So he's generally spending most of his days reading wikipedia, sitting in the sun on an unfinished porch, or doing the bare-minimum work he needs to pretend to still be employed. (He's still a music producer, just one that is very VERY derivative of his peers...)

(pictured: Tabitha bangin out the tunes)

But yeah! He's genuinely a chill dude. But once the plot gets rolling he does become an... Obvious hostage for the more dubious of our main characters. He's more fine with the hostage thing than the requirement he go deal with his family again.

But obviously things go a little awry when trying to use someone as a bargaining chip like this, even if they don't want to defect...

Which is where Tabitha's absoute UNINTENDED TRAIL OF DESOLATION rears its head. Turns out he uh, actually did have social connections before he up and vanished from all their lives? Turns out that um... You exist to other people?

Tabitha, high strung and basically constantly in meltdown mode in his late-teens early-20s did a lot of peacekeeping for his father. Peacekeeping between him, and the people that were Tabitha's childhood peers. It doesn't help that he was a good 5-8 years older than a lot of them, being somewhat of a cool older kid/teen/adult to look up to. And then! When he finally broke he just up and left, never really looking back.

It's hardly his fault, he was under a lot of pressure and was hardly properly socialised for this... But these are the sharks he'll be thrown to should he end up anywhere near his old haunts. Which he is. And will end up being. If he is perhaps brought there by our well meaning protagonists. Oops.

I like Tabitha a lot and he's a particularly deep side-character of mine. Functioning as an obstacle, ally, win condition... And very dangerous 'I'll kill everyone in the room and then myself' for Chrome should something happen to him. So be careful! He's fragile! And don't forget he has thoughts of his own, too...

I have a longer diatribe (Link!) detailing his whole backstory and meta-backstory (he's built out of psychoanalysed anime tropes!) so I wanted to talk about his actual um. Plot role and relationships outside of Chrome a bit! (BECAUSE HIS RELATIONSHIP TO CHROME IS VERY SWEET AND IS MY HOMEGROWN OTP BUT ALSO. THEY ARE CODEPENDENT. BADLY.)

He's fun because he is basically One Of The Villains who fucked off before too much villain shit went down. Which makes him silly as a supporting character. Gotta make sure he doesn't eat too much of the screen-time though.... (He gets enough in Purrgatorio...)

But yeah. Diversity win! This vaguely asexual autistic guy has managed to find a loving partner and a life that doesn't make his head feel like its filled with bees! It's filled with mostly cotton instead now but! He is okay.

Aaaand IMAGE BLAST

... Oh good lord Chrome and Tabitha will be turning 10 years old for real next year also. 11th of November 2015. What a time. Can you believe that I originally made him to be in his like, 20s? Fucked up. He should probably be older than 38 tbf but at this point the timeline is locked in. But god. 10 years. Happy upcoming birthday boys.

[ozymoron]

tell me a bit about sophia (i mean if u want) im interested

gladly. i love talking about her

shes a 20 something year old german trans woman living in nz. shes 5'10" (somewhere around like 177.80cm) and a lesbian. she uses she/her pronouns but is fine with being called a guy or people using he/him for her as long as she know they believe her when she says shes a woman (like they dont mean it in a transphobic way). she has a deep voice and a german accent i havent really got much of the worldbuilding down yet but i do have most of her personality down. also her story takes place in some vague year between 2000 and now

shes kinda a huge loser like in the sense that she spends most of her time just sorta sitting around at home drinking beer and smoking while listening to industrial and hardcore and metal and shit (shes almost definitely depressed but im yet to explore that side of her lmao). she drinks and drives, shes incredibly wreckless. she kinda doesnt care that much about others but more in a way where shes just kinda always in her own head only thinking about herself and what she wants but when it comes to the people close to her shes incredibly protective like a guard dog. she acts like kinda a silly idiot around her loved ones but as soon as someone even looks at any of them wrong, shes fully ready to kill them. she clings onto her friends and stuff like theyre the last thing she has left. less in a desperate kinda codependent way and more in a "i could not live without you i will protect you with all i have trust me please stick around and keep me in your life i will make my existence worth your while" kind of way

shes a wannabe badass but also just is a badass. like she acts all cold and stoic but laid back, i guess in a way trying to seem all mysterious and cool but mostly just comes off like a bit of a jackass (cause she kinda is a bit of a jackass but she means well. sometimes.) i havent got to this part of the worldbuilding so i dont have an explanation for why she is this way but im planning that theres something she has to fight against or something like that. i have a bit of a vague idea of what i want but no specifics but she has a side to her where like shes actually kinda badass. she wears a wolf mask and carries around this baseball bat which the tip is like covered in nails and shit. im planning she gets covered in blood often because women covered in blood is awesome. im planning a theme with the group of characters she hangs out with where they all wear some kind of animal mask and each have their own weapon which like reflects their personality and whatnot

she works in a fast food restaurant which i feel like explains a lot about her

she mostly wears the mask to hide her identity but also to just hide her face in general. shes not insecure about how she looks but more just worried about what other people think of her. shes on hrt but she wants to keep her body hair cause she likes her body hair which includes her facial hair though she does regularly shave it cause she knows it gets her misgendered. she also wears a spiked collar and sometimes a leash (if shes not wearing a leash shes wearing some kind of bondage harness thing) both to continue the whole wolf dog thing shes got going on and also for sexual reasons of course

she has a romance thing going on with another oc of mine called blair (the name is a placeholder im so bad at picking names). blairs tiger/big cat coded shes more of the happy-go-lucky chaotic type. sophia goes incredibly soft for her like the whole trying to be a stoic badass thing completely drops around her she would sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if it meant blair was kept alive and safe which worries the fuck out of blair cause half the time she does not need to sacrifice herself but she puts herself in danger for blair often times for no reason cause she believes its what she needs to do to keep her safe. like her life is meaningless without blair so she'd rather be the one to die than live without blair. which like yeah theres a flaw in her logic cause like if she dies shes still without blair and now blairs sad but yknow. maybe she'll figure that out someday not sure tho shes a little stupid

idk what else to write so ill just add little tiny things i added to her for fun her favourite movie is evil dead 2 (this is me projecting onto her), she moans when she pees, she would give everything to be a werewolf, she had her drivers license taken from her she still drives tho. she shouldnt but she does, she hates beer but drinks it anyways. i think she doesnt know theres other kinds of alcohol. no idea how she doesnt know maybe she just hates herself and wants to drink shit that tastes bad for fun,

shes all i have left im going crazy

i also have a playlist for her if anyone besides me cares i care so fucking deeply. also my tag for her i feel also illustrates her personality well

[privatebooth]

I’m catching up on Tumblr posts and I missed all of this! Are you looking for expressions to convey through the art? I suppose mine would be the first time Hawke tells Fenris he loves him and how Fenris might react, whether it’s shock or awe or even disbelief. What is love, to Fenris, anyway?

Just want to say, if you have more ideas, please don't be shy, and send them my way :) I'm so lonely and nobody wants to talk to me

Gave it some thought, and in the end realised that I already have something pretty much exactly about it! What is love for either of them, indeed? I'm sorry it's going to turn into custom character rambling, but I did provide you with a picture)

Guess you'll find some depressing take on the subject of family codependency, behind the cut

I love you. I myself am not fond of how much weight and importance is put into this.

May just be my very personal experience, but the phrase itself is pretty useless to me. I get that people use it to make a point and communicate their intentions and relationships, but. It doesn't work for me.

One of the things that make fenhawke so special to me, is that they don't try to conform to this norm. Neither of them ever says these words in canon. Should probably be obvious, but I don't think Fenris would ever use them to convey his feelings. Knowing his background and the experience he has with human relationships... He found a way to show his love (stole it from Zevran, but that's on David Gaider!)

It might come as disapointment to some, but my Hawke wouldn't say it either. It's a thing for normal people, and he is not. He never expected to have a normal life.

The realisation of it came to him when his father gave him a serious talk. Garrett had a girlfriend. They were close friends and shared many interests, but he could never be fully honest with her and risk endangering his family.

When the relationship became sexual (young people with their hormones and all), Malcolm approached him and did his best to explain to his son the situation. The girl he had feelings for was good and all, but would she want a life like this? She could get pregnant. The child could be a mage. Running and hiding, being ready to move away if something happened? Was he ready to face the concequences? Garrett figured that that girl, for all her fascination with adventurous stories and what not, wanted a simple peaceful uneventful village life and a normal family.

He cared about her and didn't want to put such a burden on her. Also, they were not that crazy about each other to be blinded by love like Hawke's parents. Garrett knew their story and what his mother had to leave behind to be with his father. He didn't want it to get this far, so he chose to break up with the girl, amicably. Not sure what had been said, but he got distant, accepting that his family were the only people he could truly rely on. They were the ones who would always support and protect him, and help him solve any problems, no matter what. That's what family does. For the sake of this family, he must keep his secret.

Ugh, this is getting depressing and a bit disturbing, sorry. But don't worry, Garrett met someone later with whom he could be a bit more open about some things. It didn't last long, but it brought some relief and happiness to both parties.

The point of it all is that your family will always be on your side and will choose you above all else.

A simple I love you just doesn't cut it.

[lunarlighxt]

very poorly written lore dump for lunar but i just need to get it out there

but OKAYYY LET'S GO

SO

season one summary:

lunar (irl name is mine but her vigilante/superhero/codename is ‘Lunar’ so we call her that so honestly could pass off as an x reader if u guys want it since she technically can look like whoever she just has set pronouns some other set appearances) is an assassin that's spent most of her life being experimented on in this unmarked, secret facility secretly ran by Harper Pharmaceuticals, a multi-billion-dollar medicinal corporation founded n ran by Gideon Harper who's this power-hungry nepo-baby man who wants to have a hand in running the country's political scene. so he made the facility about ten years into the start of his company and made his adopted son, Emil Harper, the lead scientist. emil is super fucked up but w layers; the facility brought in hundreds of children for years n years (for a bit over two decades by the time it was destroyed) that he experimented on countlessly (maybe just 5-7 kids a year to keep a low profile from any pattern being found) n relentlessly w zero successes, the only one being lunar—who at the time was only known by her number, experiment 17—n emil gets obsessed n fixed on lunar bc he saw her as salvation. gideon n emil have a toxic codependency where emil needed gideon to run the company so he could hv the facility but emil couldn't stand living under his control (also bc gideon assaulted him to groom him into working for him before adopting him), n gideon needed emil to experiment on the facility but knew how much of a loose canon he was but also knew that letting him have free reign over the facility was a good way of keeping him leashed. emil hates him but they need each other (n they're also terrible people in different ways).

x-17 (lunar) was the seventeeth child to be abducted into the facility n experimented on. she was only four when she was taken, and the facility spent five years training her in forms of combat (as in every form of martial arts n weaponry as well as ballet) before she was finally getting her first experiment at the age of nine, which was the big experiment that always seemed to kill every child before her—but ofc, she magically survived. which then led to her getting experimented on more n more. the first experiment gave her full control of her body (as in she had to consciously pump her heart and keep breathing n had to relearn how to function her body down to its fundamental basics, but when she regained control over it it allowed her a healing factor (where she accelerated her own healing n recovery), minor shapeshifting (she could grow taller or shorter, lose weight in a flash, shave her head n grow out a different texture, darken or lighten her skin or hair or eyes, regrow cut-limbs n such), enhanced senses, n just full on insanity honestly), the next few ones involved her eyes getting replaced w cybernetic implants which basically acted as cameras (it also gave her an inner eyelid that acted as a translucent-ish screen, like the ones reptiles have that blinks sideways over the eyes, but it gives her a built-in heads-up display like iron man has where it helps her carry out her missions effectively. n when the display is on it makes her eges glow a bit n made them look like the moon (which is where the name ‘lunar comes from ;)) which connect to the chip they planted in her brain (which has an algorithm that's able to connect to any device nearby when willed, to the internet, n even to satellites n everything so basically a tiny brain computer), she was also given this accelerate decomposition ability (where if anything left her body (like spit, blood, snot, tears, pee n poop too ig, n cut-off limbs and hair) they would quickly evaporate/dissolve/decompose immediately into nothing so as to make her unidentifiable in crime scenes). they also made her a nanotech-based suit for practicality, it wasn't indestructible but it left no traces n it was controlled by her brain to be malleable n whatnot, so it was their pick.

this is sm info to keep track of n it's not even a quarter of it i'm so sorry

but yes she becomes an assassin under gideon's control n from emil's doing, suffering endless torment from her experiments and growing up to be a hollow shell that knew nothing but killing.

until the facility was infiltrated by federal officer, Agent Bishop, who was a part of an undercover, confidential federal operation that involved uncovering the crimes against humanity that the facility *and* harper pharma had committed. it was then that agent bishop had met lunar (who was seventeen now) n initially was wary of her, but as he got to know her more, he realized that she was literally just a child n they had grown closer as he secretly taught her kindness n all about the outside world she was always kept away from. months into the operation, he had planned an escape for them but it failed and bishop managed to get away bc lunar held off the guards for him, leaving her to take the fall and be subjected to more torturous experiments and assassin missions.

she's basically like a winter soldier/black widow x wolverine's weapon x type ykwim

but fast forward two yrs n she's nineteen, agent bishop once again infiltrated the facility to come get her, telling her that she was needed to be *the* witness for the case against harper pharma n the facility n that he was going to give her the freedom she's been wanting. they try to escape again, n the security was much worse but bishop wasn't going to make the same mistake as before, so he sacrificed himself for her to escape—n that was the first time death had really affected her, bc agent bishop was the one who taught her the value of life. n now he taught her the meaning of death n loss too :(

she escaped, disabled the tracking feature in her chip, and moved her eyes' feed to a different frequency that the facility couldn't track her down in, and she proceeded to disappear—leaving the facility, and emil, in disarray. bc out of those hundreds of children, she was his only success and gideon's only asset (he used her to kill off powerful figures n such to gain leverage on powerful ppl in politics ykwim), n now she was gone.

there's a small subplot where she met this brother n sister who took her in after they found her wandering aimlessly on the streets after she first escaped, they let her stay w them for a few days n felt bad for her. n the sister was the one who gave her the ‘lunar’ moniker after she asked what lunar liked n couldn't come up w anything except for the moon (bc growing up in the facility she could always see the moon outside of the small skylight in the operating room where she was always experimented in).

bruce, just barely half-a-year into his fresh tenure as batman at twenty-four yrs old, somehow heard rumors of the facility and began to do his own investigation, hacking into the federal database n bla bla. it was then that he found n met x-17 (lunar) who'd been six months into her disappearance. long story short, he convinced her to work w him to end the facility, they broke into the facility and began evacuating the kids and staff (who will be persecuted), and somewhere during all that a fire started in the facility, gideon n emil were having their own showdown somewhere which led to emil finally giving in n killing gideon. after they evacuated everyone, bruce n lunar split up which led to lunar meeting emil, n hving their own showdown. lunar is psychologically terrified of emil despite her being a thousand times more powerful bc trauma n ptsd n all that yk so it gave him the upper hand, but then fiery rubble fell on him—like a gift of fate itself. bruce found her eventually, frozen in shock, n they jumped out of the window as the place was blowing up, leading them to roll out on the grass.

lunar watched it burn, contemplating. like all her life just revolved around the facility, during it n even after she escaped, she literally came back to destroy it. n now that it was gone.. what was she supposed to do? who was she without this life?

she turned n saw bruce on his feet, holding out a hand. they worked well together, complimented each other perfectly in skill and general chemistry. and maybe, there are some things that can't always be done alone, like carrying the world on ur shoulders. maybe, it was easier with someone else.

so, teary-eyed, she took his hand and they became partners. batman and lunar. the dark knight and his moon.

AND THAT'S ONLY S1 THERE'S FOUR MORE OF THIS LORE MONSTROSITY BC I'M METICULOUS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

BUT IT'S OKAY AS LONG AS I HV THE PLOT OUT THERE I CAN FLESH IT OUT LATER FOR U GUYS IF UR CURIOUS

[lycocarpum]

okay i kind of floated the idea of aromantic laudna in the heat of the moment as a bit of a not-so-serious joke but i'm still thinking about it. so im gonna just... think aloud for a second. since character retrospectives are A Thing we're all doing, i suppose.

and let me be very very clear, im not against wlw laudna or imogen/laudna at ALL, and i don't think this is in any way, shape or form going to actually HAPPEN, it's just an interesting path my mind took me down wrt her character and how she could grow. no serious headcanons here, no predictions. pick up the legos and play with me.

thing is-- we don't really see a lot of aspec relationships In Fiction deal with aromanticism as a legitimate thing worthy of respecting, and not... a minor inconvenience, or something to compromise on, let alone and god forbid the 'fix-it' narrative.

i can very clearly see a scene where one of the other two BH members sits laudna down and explains that imogen is IN love with her, and laudna just has this '.... oh, that's. that's going to be a bit. hm.' reaction. bc tbh that's something i've gone through a lot, and it's something that friends of mine have been on the OPPOSITE end of, as well.

and tbh i would really love to see conflict between the two stemming from the whole thing. Not because its any one person's fault and not because anyone is in the wrong, but simply for the... lack of compatibility of it all. trying to piece together some way to hold onto this relationship when you need different things from it. whether that works out or not, i think it's a good rp concept and could even be cathartic in a way very similar to how imogen/laudna endgame would be.

this kind of revelation from laudna could be freeing in some sense-- she knows more about herself, things start to make *sense* finally-- but it could also act as the catalyst for finally addressing their codependency and mutual self-esteem issues. it opens up room for a conversation about BEING frustrated that your feelings aren't returned, feeling guilty for things you can't help, finding your identity even when it's in conflict to what your closest and dearest friends want.

And it gives imogen even more to kind of... fret over, which is when i think she's at her best, character wise. I like imogen a lot, but i want to see her grow. i kinda think shes being... idk if naive is the right word here, but shes being a bit short-sighted on this imaginary future shes created with laudna. and while i think laudna would love to DO those things with her, in this hypothetical, if shes not IN love with her... That stings, that hurts, even for the most saintly of people.

Idk idk i just think this would be an interesting avenue to go down. i 100% get why people WOULDN'T, its a very raw wound and it's extremely topical in a time when there's so much conflict regarding queer relationships and media and etc. etc. you all get this, we're adults here. I don't like them hurting for the sake of hurting ofc but i like the messiness of this bc it is very real.

[idllytarott]

god has given me another day to live and i decide on how to waste it (astrology observations!!)

(don't even look at me these are not even observations i just want to vent) (based strictly of people around me and my own placements!! not a social astrological experiment!! it's very personal!!)

it's very long,

7H, Venus and Degrees ↴

If you want to know anything about relationships look at the 7H it will tell you more about yourself and how you love, what you like than how is your partner going to be. i don't think there's a definitive way of knowing how's your next partner going to be like, but I'd check the degrees in your 7H, the ruler planet of that house, the Venus degree too, for example, if you have a 7H in Leo in a 12° degree (Pisces degree) you'll probably be attracted to overly-confident and artistic people that have an emotional intelligence and are not afraid to look into their own deepest emotions to connect with their partners, furthermore, having a Capricorn Venus in a 23° degree (Aries degree) with a 3H makes you a person very ambitious, very focused on work or having money to be more independent, you'll need communication to be the main theme in your relationships, being straight-foward and honest and mature is very important, mental and physical stimulation go hand in hand but also you wouldn't want a partner that's too codependent on you.

Astrology and Family ↴

this one is gonna be a little bit long; if you know both your parents birth charts i recommend you to compare them to your own chart and your siblings if you have any— I'll put my family as an example!

My mom has a Libra sun, Scorpio moon and Virgo rising, whilst my older sister has a Leo sun, Aries moon and Scorpio rising, see? my mom's also a Scorpio stellium, my dad's an Aquarius sun, Gemini moon and Taurus rising, him and my sister share a 6th house stellium lol, let's keep going, i'm an Aries sun, Aquarius moon and Cancer rising, me, my sister and my dad all have Venus Rx lol, while both of them share a Mercury Rx. It's very interesting to look this up, also, my younger sister has a Cancer rising! astrology is scary

Venus-Pluto / Moon-Pluto / Venus Rx ↴

okay, this one is very personal, but also, i did not realize about this until someone on astro twitter brought it up and i completely agreed! If you have a Venus-Pluto or Moon-Pluto placements (specially Venus-Pluto, but i have both so) regardless of how it's aspected, you'll probably have people coming in and out of your life, not only people you were romantically involved with, but past friends too! an old group of friends and so, i have this happen to me A LOT! really, a lot, and recently it has happened again. I'm not trying to make myself look good or anything, but i have experienced a lot of people i used to like coming back, trying to talk to me, same people, at least once a year lol, i only say this because i honestly believe that the Venus-Pluto makes people you used to hang out with still hung up on you, sometimes not even in a bad way, they just remember you a lot, and they contact you!

I also noticed this happens to people that have a Venus Rx, it's something they will have to deal with for the rest of their life, it will happen, and sometimes it will happen a lot, but also, if you don't want a specific person to contact you, block them! that's what i did, look at me now, not resentful at all 🤠👍 I would've also put Mars-Pluto, but i'm not 100% if it fits, tho i think anyone that has seggs with these people it's completely bewitched

Signs and Modalities ↴

maybe this is just me, but hear me out; modalities are the best, i have an obsession with modalities, instead of separating signs by their elements we should do it by their modalities. Take the sign Virgo as an example, they are seen as logical and stuck up, critical, and they only like doing things their own way, this isn't entirely wrong but it's not entirely true either, Virgos belong in the mutable modality, known as spiritual intelligence, mysticism and communication, facades and misunderstandings, i honestly believe mutable energy is all those things, a Pisces can be as smart and curious and have wit as much as a Gemini, and a Sagittarius can be as logical and analytical as a Virgo, the thing with modalities is that, each sign also has it's own specific thing that makes them, well, them. Another example, cardinal signs are very ambitious based and goal oriented, like who? a Capricorn! Capricorn is the core of the cardinal signs, but, at the same time, they all share attributes since they are cardinal, Aries are just as sensitive and moody as Cancers, just like Libras are as hard-working and money oriented people like Capricorns, it's all connected!!

Degrees Influence ↴

i believe degrees in our charts are more than a little piece of one sign, they represent more things, but this is a theory roughly based in me and my family's charts, I'm sharing my theory so you guys can confirm this is true or just bullshit; as i was saying lol, i believe degrees are more than just one piece of a sign in our charts, they have a bigger influence than people give it credit to, i like to think the degrees are things in our life's that are always going to be apart of us one way or another; example, having Taurus [2, 14, 26] or Cancer [4, 16, 28] degrees, even if you have neither of these in your chart, will make things like your home, family, finances and commodities a constant "struggle" throughout your life, like, if you don't really care for being close to your family or are fine doing as much as you do in one job, life is gonna pull you back to your family through problems or unsolved issues, to the past and to places you used to go when you were a lot younger, even if you try to avoid it, everytime you feel like you don't need anything in your life, there's gonna be something breaking or less money or a need to make more, to buy more things, having to spend money on necessary things and running short. Degrees highlight those things, depending on which sign it's in. One last example, one family member of mine has an Aries moon at 27°, a Gemini degree, since Gemini is communication and all that, people might be offended by something this person says, they might be too blunt with their words and/or have trouble waiting their turn to speak, but this is just my observation lol it's so long

Saturn's Influence ↴

We all know Saturn is a very, VERY important planet, the aspects and the house and lastly the sign that's on Saturn in your chart all are very important, I personally think it defines a lot of your life or personality, or experiences you will have in your life, I can put my placement as an example; I have Saturn in the 11th house and, besides from being really bad at making friends lol, I feel like this position is to challenge me (and people with Saturn in 11th) to use communication and connections and the 11th house influence to our advantage, since it's a planet that puts emphasis on hard work and responsibility, it can be really difficult to deal with, but Saturn is there to teach you, is super important that we get to know everything about this planet in our chart, if you have Sun-Saturn, like me, you will spend your entire life having self-esteem issues or being a perfectionist with yourself, being too critical, this is something to acknowledge and work with, like yeah, Saturn can be pretty shitty, but life itself it's shitty 🤡

(　-_･) ︻デ═一' * (/❛o❛)/

that's it, this can count as a book, read it with a cup of tea we you have free time my dudes, bye ✨✨✨

[katyspersonal]

002 for Mico and Rom both please?

Oh!!!!!!! Hell yea!!!

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

002 I Give me a character & I will tell you

• How I feel about this character

For Micolash: I feel a LOT of things about Mico. He is genuinely one of the most important fictional characters that I ever had in my life. Not just that, but there were many bizarre and significant dreams connected with him, and even some things transcending into waking life.

I actually feel a bit reclusive to elaborate as these are very intimate matters (that also touch upon spiritual matters and mental health). I'll just say that this character means A Whole Bunch for me, and I gave up trying to reason why I am not scared or repulsed by him despite the sheer depth of comprehending his insanity. Though can a hard-core fan of FromSoft games truly be sane? Hehehe~ Also I love his appearance and I want to kiss his face, and I want to give him a motherly hug and wrap him in a comfy blankey

For Rom: Roughly the same things apply; a very important character, a lot of connection with dreams, spiritual experiences and mental health profile. In fact, I sort of kin this character. It is just hard to convey since within canon she is almost a blank canvas, yet I don't even feel connected with my portrayal of her specifically. It is just A Rom. There are only a few boundaries, such as strong sense of her being one of the students. But I love all the takes on her!

I picked interest in her almost instantly, but I had a dream about being her before I knew ANYTHING about her and only saw the design. She was, and is, such a blast to develop from my very first days into Bloodborne. She is as important for me as Micolash, just except that I do not have a crush on her. It'd feel too awkward... xD

• All the people I ship romantically with this character

For Micolash: Edgar, Damian, Laurence, Rom (not my version of her though, since mine is his sister), to an extent Kos and Wet Nurse (they are weird ones since they're gods)... Yeah, I think that's mostly it! I could like some others though? For example, @saint--adeline had a ship of Mico with Adeline and like... gfjjjfjyug cursed but it actually makes hella sense, you go girl xD

For Rom: Ebrietas, Julie/Yurie, Edgar, Micolash (see above), Damian, Adeline, Maria, Willem (cursed, I know), Patches

Naturally, I am not rotating all of these ships in my brain all the time, hahaha! I just like to explore different opportunities in fiction, and these are the ones I think of!

• My non-romantic OTP for this character

For Micolash: It is hard to choose one... I think him and Archibald work well! Archie probably would simp for Micolash, though, but I just don't see them becoming a couple. However, they would work together and get along juuust fine like two mad inventors, plus Archie is basically THE chief of Yahar'gul hunters. And one of the few mad lads that was loyal to Micolash genuinely until the end.

For Rom: Which one would not become a ship, hmmm... She sure has friends, but 'platonic OTP' is a very honorable status, you know! I think Caryll falls here the best; my particular version of Caryll distances from Byrgenwerth a bit soon, but in general they are the highest Insight scholars on the block (Micolash drools and hisses and cries and throws up from envy)

Honorable mention: My versions of Rom and Micolash themselves! They are siblings separated at birth that found each other thanks to Rom's intuition and unique devotion to finding her lost brother. They went though everything together, and were close and loyal to defending each other until the end. In fact, they are SO close that arguably none of their romantic ships could rival this bond. Very codependent family bond does that sometimes...

• My unpopular opinion about this character

For Micolash: Not an opinion, more like 'then do it yourself if you're so goddamn smart' moment. But I think he should have been involved in Research Hall (very likely as one of the doctors), and I think this is not explored often enough! Just like him being a necromancer and being able to teleport is not something I see addressed often enough. Basically my opinion is that there are more sides of him to simp for appreciate than just him being Weird Guy and a cult leader. The dude got TALENTS, okay? x)

For Rom: I prefer to think that her being intellectually disabled and, I quote, "childlike", was not a side-effect of ascension but natural traits for her in life! (Her title in Japanese original uses the word 'hakuchi' that is very directly a way to describe profound mental disability, as opposed to the more vague English word 'vacuous'). No, takes along the lines of Rom being a super genius so smart that she deserved eyes for that alone are cool, I am just very biased on my way of taking her title. In my case since she is a student, it is selective disability: academically smart but very helpless otherwise. Can see everything throw raw intuition but gets none of it. Can conduct incredibly complex research on the Universe but might not know how to button her shirt or count to ten. Along those lines!

I'll say though: the day someone makes Rom not a scholar and not a teacher but a secret third thing (Willem's baby daughter) is the day I will EAT that take /pos

• One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

For Micolash: I'd LOVE it if Micolash was a friendly NPC in the Nightmare for some time (basically temporary Doll, or maybe giving us helpful updates for Insight points), and then "betrayed" us by jumping in the Lake that'd serve as teleporter to the Lecture Building. x) Inspired by the cut idea for him in beta version where he DID do that. Him being a useful NPC is just my idea to lead up to it. Maybe he'd even make lamps conveniently not work in the Nightmare to force us to interact with h- lol yeah I just wish we got to interact with him more.

For Rom: A way to reveal Mensis Ritual without having to kill her and her babies. Just a split way of acting where if you kill her you get this, if you use roundabout way you get that... I just... I can't describe the feeling from that battle, it felt like bullying a child... even despite the fact that she has like 500 of her own children. But yeah, a FromSoft game that let's you be safe from anguish is not a FromSoft game...

• my OTP

For Micolash: Micoedgar! Edgar fell in LOVE with Micolash and he ruined his mission because he was GAY for him and he WILLINGLY gave Micolash his soul and he protects him because he is SIMP and I'll die on this hill!!!! But no, seriously, I feel like the two have the best potential. I largely characterized Edgar as someone not quite fitting with the Choir's limiting, toothless ways, and his brilliant and inquisitive mind simply found more of a kindred spirit in Micolash; the 'insane' and 'evil' guy that Choir told him to not trust and stop at all cost. And I think Micolash likewise appreciates Edgar; someone both smart (and brave) enough to listen to him and question things like him, but also an individualist enough to doubt him and concur his own thoughts if needed. Edgar refuses to wear a cage, now doesn't he? They are just equal, in the best way possible.

For Rom: I could not choose between Robrietas or Yurom/Julirom. Ever. Like yeah I know Rom has two hands (16 in her ascended form, actually), but balancing a human and a GO is hard... I think my preference will SLIGHTLY skew towards Rombrietas though, since Rom is destined to ascend anyway..

I concluded Ebrietas is a half-human herself (adult version of a celestial larva), so both Rom and Ebby would hit a very strong bond of being 'between' the mortal and the divine. Ebrietas also mourns Rom's petrified real body. I always felt like Ebrietas would much rather have Rom stay safe within the guidance of Stars and Moon, but Rom just.... HAD to go above and beyond, HAD to become a Spider (Amygdalae affiliation), HAD to secretly help Micolash... There is very deep emotion and conflict, and Ebrietas also having the Grinch heart moment; as a 'paleblood' Great One she nonetheless cries red bloody tears, as a sign of her feelings Rom 'sullying' her purity.. but also letting her touch upon her human side for the first time. Her theme and Rosmarinus both have 'why do you cry, fair maiden' bit but Rom altar has candles, so they must know WHY, right? But maybe it is because it was the first time Ebrietas cared about someone being lost to a ritual....

There are just so many layers to the two, I could go on all day....

• my cross over ship

For Micolash: I don't know... I have a suspicion a character from ER might fit, but I'll need to learn more about them before.

For Rom: I once had a weird fever dream where she met Gwynd0lin and they were talking about their experiences, and then Rom (still human-ish enough) had to run away carrying him in her arms when Suly appeared and beckoned Aldr1ch with the bell ggjhkgkyhj It is hard to describe but the emotions of both of them, and the impending horror, felt so real that I now physically can't unsee the two having a good chemistry. I've been imagining them interacting in a crossover a few times by now.

• a headcanon fact

Damn, I did not notice upon first reading the meme that it had this oxymoron, hahaha. Like... so, a headcanon OR a fact? I'll interpret it as 'a headcanon I am firm on' because I don't see any other way x)

For both: The description of the first Brain Fluid you find mentions a man that wanted to become a doctor, and so his sister volunteered to be his patient. I believe that the mentioned siblings HAD to be Micolash and Rom; Research Hall's connection with peeking into the Sea, the fact that eventually Research Hall does become Choir's base, the fact that this description is too random otherwise.....

You pick this Brain Fluid from a female head that is guarded by a guy, sure, but not only he is lower ranking Black Church doctor/hunter (that'd probably not do experiments on ascension, unlike White doctors)... But also, his internal name is 'lover npc'. So yeeee.

I'll give some pointer though: it could also refer to maybe Laurence and Adeline (Laurence does hold Eye Pendant and Healing Church WAS interested in internal eyes through water at its first days). Or maybe Micolash and Adeline? I just think these being Rom and Micolash comnects the things way better, Rom being the zero patient from whom that research started just... just completes things so well, and explains her fate more... That Rom was honored by Kos, when other patients turned to the Stars instead of the Sea or just went mad... argh.

Thank you for the ask, it was fun to reflect on so many things! These two are indeed my favs!

[supercorpkid]

Stronger together.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader

Word count: 2410.

“Starting today, Superkid doesn’t exist anymore.”

The look you get from everyone is of absolute horror. Like you just told them you decided to become a supervillain and you’re going to destroy planet Earth in thirty seconds.

Funny enough, that’s the amount of time it takes for one of them to be able to say something.

“Wait a second.” Aunt Alex is the first one to react. “You’re telling me that the best superhero in National City is quitting? No offense, Kara.”

“None taken, I agree!” Kara jumps right after. “I thought you loved supering?”

“Yeah…” You shrug. “But I love my life a little bit more, so-”

“Baby, shouldn’t you give more thought to this? We’ll support you no matter what, but this is a huge decision.” Lena adds with a concerned tone. You smile.

“Dear Rao, you guys are turning this into a bigger deal than it is.” You roll your eyes with a reassuring smile. “It’s not like I’ll stop existing. I’ll just be a normal teenage girl from now on. Y’know, like Jamie over here.”

“Yeah, well, but-” It’s not hard, but rendering Kara speechless is always exciting.

“Ok, good talk.” You get out of the living room and Jamie follows you into your room.

“Oh wow.” She throws herself in your bed. “That was so dramatic. Thanks for texting me a heads up, I would be shocked if I had found out like that.”

You smile, dismissing it with your hand. “They’ll get over it. It’s not like I was always a superhero anyway.”

“That’s true!” Jamie agrees with her head for a while. “You did save a bunch of people while you were at it, though.”

You shrug.

“Lena was saved so many times, I wonder if she would still be alive if it weren’t for you.” Jamie adds and you look back at her furrowing your eyebrows.

“Supergirl would have saved her.” You don’t even believe your own words.

“Really? Last time I checked Supergirl was unconscious next to her in the Fortress.”

“Well, I-” You squint your eyes. “Stop it. I know what you’re doing. You want me to quit quitting. Well, it’s not going to work. I won’t quit! Quitting, I mean. I won’t quit quitting.” You growl. “Whatever, just stop it.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not trying to make you quit quitting. Especially because, apparently, you can’t super without almost killing yourself. And I don’t like the feeling of losing you every time.”

“You never actually lost me.”

“Ok, standing beside your bed at the DEO not sure if you’re going to wake up is very close to losing you. I don’t think my brain can make the distinction.” Jamie mumbles and your heart squeezes on your chest. You hug her without saying a word, and she lets out a breath that looks like she was holding it for a while.

“I’m sorry for almost dying several times. I promise that things will be easier now.” You shrug and she agrees with her head.

“At least until the next time your hero complex kicks in.” She jokes and you roll your eyes at her. “But you did save me, so… I don’t know. The idea of you not being a superhero is sort of bittersweet.”

“Yeah.” You sit next to her. “To me too.”

“But we will make do.” She throws her arm around your shoulder, hugging you sideways. “Because we are stronger together.”

“Yes, we are.” You agree with a smile.

It’s late at night when the game downstairs ends and Alex shows up at your door to call Jamie. Before leaving, aunt Alex hugs you tight.

“I’m gonna miss saving the world with you.” Alex says with a smile. “You are much better at that than Kara.”

“HEY!” You hear Kara’s interjection downstairs.

“Stop listening to our private conversation!” Alex yells back at her. She puts her hand on your shoulder. “I’ll step up my game of saving people, in your place.”

“That brings me peace of mind.” You smile, earning a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder.

“I’m here for you. You know that, right? Stronger together.” Aunt Alex asks and you hug her in agreement. “Great. I love you, kiddo. You’re my favorite Luthor-Danvers.”

You both stop talking and wait to hear Kara’s reaction. It doesn’t come.

“I’m shocked she obeyed.” Alex says making her way to the stairs and you wave at her.

“I love you too, aunt Alex.”

“Knock, knock.” You hear on the other side of the door, a little before you go to bed. You smile because Kara is such a dork.

“You know, you can actually knock on the door instead of saying it, right?” You say on the other side and Kara opens the door with the biggest smile on her face.

“HA HA, I didn’t know I had raised such a comedy expert.” She jokes, making her way to where you are on your bed. “How are you, little one?”

“I’m great.” You smile at her, sincerely. You are great. Deciding not to be Superkid just took off the biggest weight you’ve been carrying on your shoulders. You feel lighter.

“You know I completely support you.” Kara says, putting one lock of your hair behind your ear. “Whatever you want to do with your life, I’ll be by your side.”

“Thanks, momma.” You smile at her. “I support you too, in case you want to quit anything.”

She chuckles. “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you.” But her expression turns serious after a few seconds. “Being a superhero is-” She sighs, looking for words. You have a bunch to offer her. Exhausting, emotionally draining, insane, traumatic. “Weird.”

“To say the least.”

“Yeah.” Kara lays her head on your lap, looking at you from down there. “It’s weird to describe it because it’s a mix of things. Sometimes-” She smiles looking excited. “It’s the most thrilling feeling in the universe. When you’re up there, wind blowing in your head, and that powerful feeling that you can do and go anywhere. And sometimes you save someone, and oh man!”

“You feel invincible. Like you can take on the world.” You add, and Kara agrees vividly with her head.

“But sometimes, for the lack of a better word, it just straight up sucks.” Kara crinkles her nose, and you smile at how cute she looks. “Sometimes you feel like, yeah you know, I could die for these people because I love them with all my heart.”

“I know that feeling.”

“And they love you so much too! It just feels worthy, right?” She asks and you agree with your head. “But sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. It feels the opposite. There were a few times when I was this close to dying, and I kept thinking ‘but why Kara? Why are you leaving everyone you love behind to die for people who don’t even appreciate you?’”

“Why would you?”

“Kid. I-I don’t know.” Kara lets out another chuckle. “You know what it's like. You’re up there, and you know it has to be you because no one else can do what you’re doing. And there’s something inside that just stops us from turning away and letting it all play out how it was supposed to.”

You also know that feeling. That’s how you ended up in outer space in another reality to save people you didn’t even know that well. To save a reality that wasn’t even yours. And you had the chance to turn your back to it, over and over again. Yet, you never took the easy path.

“What I came here to tell you, is that I get it. I get the feeling. I’ve had it a million of times. When I was giving everything to the world, and it kept taking things from me. I thought about giving up so many times it’s ridiculous.” Kara sighs again. You put your hand on her hair, stroking it gently for support. “So, yeah, I understand.”

“But?” You ask with a tiny smile.

“But if you ever want to do it again, I’ll understand and support you too.” She gets up from your lap and kisses your forehead. “And if you ever need to talk to anyone about this superhero stuff, you can always come to me, cause I’m sure I probably felt the same thing once or twice in my life. Ok? We’re stronger together.”

“Ok, momma. Thank you.”

“Momma got you, little one. Always.” She hugs you tight, and you breathe deep, feeling her comfort. “If I’m being honest, I’m sort of excited that I won’t have to go fish you in outer space anymore.”

“Me too.” You chuckle on her chest. “It’s exhausting, almost dying all alone in a pitch-black dark place with no air in your lungs.”

“It sounds like it.” Kara lets go of you and looks at you, adoringly. “I love you so much, you’re my heart.”

“And you’re mine.” You smile, getting another forehead kiss from Kara.

“Ok, go to bed. It’s late.” She moves to the door but stays there watching you for a little bit. “You’re the best kid in the universe, and we’re so lucky to have you.”

“Thanks momma.” You smile, thankful. It’s good to hear that. In normal circumstances this would make you happy. But where you find yourself right now, it’s even better. It’s good to be reassured that you’re understood, and you’re loved no matter what, and that even though you just gave up being a superhero you’re still the best kid for her. Rao, you love Kara so much.

“Hey.” You hear a soft knock on the door. You don’t use your x-ray vision. You don’t have to. Kara just left so it’s obviously not her.

“Come in, mom.” You say and Lena opens the door, softly. She puts her head inside your bedroom and smiles at you.

“Oh, great. I just wanted to check on you, but you’re going to sleep, right?” She asks and you agree with your head. “Great. Good night, babygirl.”

“Mom, can I ask you something?” You ask and Lena goes inside your bedroom, agreeing with her head. “Can you, um, stay a little?”

“Yeah!” Lena agrees excitedly, like that was exactly what she was thinking. She makes her way to the bed next to you, getting under the comforter with you.

“Sorry for being so codependent these days, I just-”

“Stop.” Lena says pulling you closer. “Come hug me.” You toss your arm over her, and she kisses the top of your head. You can’t see her face, but you know she’s smiling. “I’ve been feeling very codependent too. Actually, if you would have me, I would have been sleeping with you since you were five. But I guess you wanted your independence.”

“Not anymore.” You sigh, hugging her tightly. “I’ve missed you.”

“You know, I went to L Corp after what happened. There were pictures of you everywhere.” You can genuinely hear her smile. “I just kept thinking how crazy that was, but how hard I needed it to be true. Your little face. I mean don’t get me wrong, Kara’s face is beautiful, and I really wanted her to be my family too. But you. I wish I could explain the feeling.”

“It’s like-” You start. “Like this feeling that nothing would make sense. And that, yeah, you would have other people you love around you, but that missing piece is so fundamentally meaningful for the bigger picture, for your life, to make sense. Without it, all of it would fall into pieces and fade into a life you wouldn’t want to live.”

Your ear is so glued to Lena’s chest that you can hear her heart skipping a beat, without having to use your super hearing. You lift your head to look at her, and she’s crying silent tears with a smile on her face.

“Was that how you felt without me?” She asks and you nod, biting your lower lip. “Oh, my baby!” She pulls you into the hug again. “My baby.”

Lena just spends a few minutes stroking your hair, gently. It feels so nice you feel yourself dozing off to sleep. But you wouldn’t want to keep her stuck under you, so you fight it.

“Listen-” Lena calls you and you change position so you can look at her. “I know I wasn’t always as supportive as I should’ve been about your supering. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it. I mean, I have to appreciate it more than anyone because you keep saving my life. It’s just, when you’re out there, I get so scared.”

“I know.” You agree softly. “But momma is out there too, and you-”

“Almost die every time she gets just the tiniest scratch. Yeah.” She smiles, and you furrow your eyebrows. “But I sort of, oof, this is hard to say. When I married your momma, I knew who she was, what she does, I knew how saving the world was important for her. I knew I could lose her to it, eventually.” Lena breathes deep, wiping her tears. “But you? I can’t fathom the thought that one day I may lose you. I just-I just can’t.”

“Well, I’m not a hero anymore so you don’t have to worry.” You reassure her, but Lena bites her tongue, definitely not reassured.

“I’ll always worry. And you know why?” Lena asks and you shake your head, disagreeing. “Because you are my baby. And even when you’re forty you’ll still be my baby, and I’ll still be terrified just to think about you not being in my life anymore.”

“What if I get married and have kids and move somewhere else?” You ask and Lena smiles at the thought.

“That will happen! And then-” She whispers to you, so Kara can’t hear her. Which is ridiculous because if Kara is listening, she can hear her breath, let alone her words. “I’ll leave Kara in the middle of the night, and go to your house, kick your wife to another bedroom, and snuggle in with you like we’re doing right now.”

You chuckle at the thought. God, you love Lena so much. “You promise?”

“Of course.” Lena kisses your forehead. “We’re stronger together.”

You smile at her words, and close your eyes again, feeling like you can finally fall asleep. But you still hear, somewhere far away, before you sleep completely, Lena’s voice reassuring you. “I love you, babygirl. All of you. Always.”

Notes:

Hope this count as the fluffiest of fluffs @lonelydiary cause I thought they were so sweet here 💙

[toastandjamie]

I have- so many feelings. I’ve been trying to write an analysis since last night but everything I wrote is incomprehensible so this is an attempt: advanced apologies. Originally I wanted to make a post about C!Quackity and C!Tommy’s relationship but then it got me thinking of talking about what makes Tommy so vulnerable to manipulation even incidentally which brought me to Wilbur and Techno. So I’ve decided to just make a mishmash comparing Tommy’s relationships to these three complicated people.

Starting with Quackity I think we can all agree, Quackity GETS Tommy. In a way others on the server(like Fundy or Foolish) just straight up don’t. Quackity treats Tommy a lot like he treats Slime, with this understanding that Tommy isn’t like everyone else and won’t respond to things like others would. Because Tommy in spite of everything really does act like a kid. He acts out because of boredom or frustration especially when he’s ignored. Often others get frustrated when dealing with Tommy, but Quackity has this odd level of patience different from say Sam, Puffy or even Foolish in that he puts himself at Tommy’s level. At the start I think this was just a genuine attempt at having fun with our chaos raccoon but at the moment it’s almost patronizing(a reoccurring theme). Quackity understands that pushing Tommy will only result in property damage, but he also knows that he can’t let him run around unsupervised(because property damage). When Quackity is unaware that Tommy is listening he sounds more than a little frustrated at his antics, but then Tommy throws on a pair of pants claiming to be called Trousers and insists that he is not in fact Tommyinnit. Quackity plays along, he doesn’t try and force Tommy to stop, he humors him. This is something Quackity does a lot with Tommy, and it’s why Tommy still seems to have positive feelings towards him. Quackity humors him the way adults will humor a child who’s insisting that they are a wizard. Through this lense(which I think Quackity is fully aware of) he’s able to get Tommy into a less aggressive state and get information out him. Like why he’s working with Wilbur, and Tommy’s feelings about it. Which also unfortunately makes him super easy to use. I think in the future as Quackity slowly succumbs to the inevitable power hungry corruption that’ll bury whatever soft spot he has for Tommy, we’ll see Quackity take advantage of Tommy’s blatant abandonment issues using the trust he’s built through these small appeasement based interactions.

Moving on; C!Wilbur Soot! This is a land mine let me tell you. Because Listen, Wilbur is obviously, severely traumatized and mentally ill. I don’t think Wilbur necessarily has any malicious intentions towards Tommy. But unfortunately this bad boy is backing a fuck load of unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors. Such as his possessive streak! We saw with L’manburg the whole “if I can’t have you no one can!” Mentality, which has now been transferred to Tommy. It’s a move to assert his control over a situation and unfortunately for Tommy he’s a prime vessel for this behavior because he has absolutely no concept of healthy boundaries! Since his backstory and relationships are a bit blurry we can’t make any definitive explanation for where this came from but for the sake of argument let’s say Tommy has known Wilbur since he was young, and Wilbur was always someone with a possessive personality(albeit less obvious due to the fact that he wasn’t traumatized yet). Being raised by or around someone who never sets boundaries with you can lead to a person growing up not able to do so themselves. And wouldn’t you know it Tommy has clearly never had a stable healthy relationship because all of them have been transactional or codependent. Which is, bad.(shout out to Tubbo and Ranboo though for trying to enforce healthy boundaries sadly though the timing of this separation couldn’t have been worse). Currently I think it’s safe to say Wilbur and Tommy have a codependent relationship. One with a very clear imbalance of power, comparable to a codependent parent-child relationship. In which Tommy excuses Wilbur’s bad behaviors out of a sense of responsibility, this feeling that because they’re “family” he owes it to Wilbur to stay by his side. Not to mention how Tommy obviously craves guidance and leadership from paternal/fraternal figures, which he originally found in Wilbur(later in Dream, Techno and Sam afterwards). Tommy very clearly desires a family structure in which he is loved and protected no matter what, and Wilbur fills that role easily and willingly. Wilbur wants someone who’ll be loyal to him and will never leave or betray him, and Tommy wants someone who’ll protect and care for and, say it with me boys, will never leave or betray him. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting someone to be there for you, but because of their complexes and traumas these feelings of fraternal affection are twisted into a relationship lacking boundaries and for Tommy, complete absence of autonomy. Only doing things because Wilbur wants him to me, because he wants Wilbur to be happy and Wilbur is never wrong. Not a good mindset to have when dealing with someone like Wilbur who is destructive as a means of coping.

Lastly another landmine, in the form of Technoblade! Ah yes, bedrock bros. We love them and miss them. But newsflash guys they ALSO had an unhealthy transactional relationship! But here’s the thing about unhealthy relationships, sometimes people are just not good for eachother. There’s no bad guy or good guy. No ones in the right or wrong. They just, weren’t good for eachother. Now whether this was situational or not can only be answered if they reconnect with healthier mindsets but for now we’ll say it’s situational. Obviously, Tommy was clearly in a bad place. Just barely managing to escape exile after a narrowly thwarted suicide attempt: now packing a whole slew of issues, from paranoia, depression, fear of abandonment, low self worth, and just general debilitating stress. Techno was ALSO in a bad place, he just hides it under a sense of self righteous justice: like guys, his only friend was put under house arrest because of him associating with him, and he was then executed under the threat of death of his faithful horse companion. Techno was angry and blinded by revenge. A bad mix when you toss in a traumatized codependent teenager desperately searching for someone to fill the empty void of fraternal leadership left by Wilbur’s death. Tommy really just wants someone to tell him what to do, like let’s not kid ourselves here. Techno offered Tommy protection from Dream, which yay! But also creates an unbalanced power dynamic(bringing that one back!). I genuinely believe that it wasn’t Techno’s intention, but the thing is, the relationship became transactional: a “I’ll protect you and take care of you if you do what I say and help me.” Type scenario. It was impossible for Tommy to really comfortably say no, at risk of being tossed out of straight up given to Dream to face whatever horrible consequences running away had. BESIDES that, they are just two very different people who had very different priorities. Techno wanted vengeance against L’manburg, Tommy wanted to be protected but always had the intention of returning to L’manburg one day(clearly believing getting the discs would be a catch all problem solver). These two priorities are in direct conflict with eachother; as a result they’re partnership would never have worked in the long term. Here’s the kicker to what makes this relationship so unhealthy though, because those things in isolation don’t make an unhealthy relationship but the fact that Tommy’s poor mental state fueled by Techno’s blood seeking revenge made him act in ways HE deemed wrong, makes it unhealthy. Tommy wasn’t lying, being with Techno made him become a person he didn’t want to be, and it’s NOT Techno’s fault. It was the unfortunate consequence of their opposing view points and unhealthy mental states. Perhaps in a world where the Butcher Army never existed the Bedrock Bro’s team up could have been a moment of healing for both characters; but alas that was not the world we are privy to in canon.

Yeah so that’s it for now I guess

[mittensmorgul]

aaaahahahahahhhhhhahahh the worst thing Sam ever said to dean. 9.13, The Purge:

Dean: About what you said the other day.

Sam: I thought it didn’t bother you.

Dean: You know Sam, I saved your hide back there. I saved your hide at that church — in the hospital. I may not think things all the way through but when I do, it’s because it’s the right thing. I’d do it again.

Sam: And that is the problem. You think you’re my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in and even when you mess up you think what you’re doing is worth it because you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing more good than bad... but you’re not. Kevin’s dead, Crowley’s in the wind, we’re no closer to beating this angel thing, please tell me, what is the upside to me being alive?

Dean: Are you kidding me? You and me, fighting the good fight together.

Sam: Just once be honest with me, you didn’t save me for me. You did it for you.

Dean: What are you talking about?

Sam: I was ready to die, I was ready. I should have died. But you, you didn’t want to be alone. That’s what this boils down to, you can’t stand the thought of being alone. I’ll give you this much, you are certainly willing to do the sacrifice, as long as you’re not the one being hurt.

Dean: Alright, you want to be honest, if the situation was reversed, and I was dying, you’d do the same thing.

Sam: No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t. I’m heading to bed.

(bolding mine, because we’re gonna talk about those words...)

The problem in the Winchester Codependency is this. We’ve talked about it for years-- the fact that yes, they’re brothers, but that Dean also still can’t help but feel “parental” toward Sam, because that’s the role he was forced into as long as he can remember. And as many glimpses of this as Sam has had, and as many small (and sometimes large) moments of insight into Dean, he still either refuses to understand this, or blocks it out, or assumes it’s all handled until the next time this issue rears its ugly head again and it’s like Sam developed amnesia again about why Dean defaults to the Bossy Parent role.

I mean, this is not to discount Dean’s own amnesia over the fact that Sam does NOT have the same hangups about feeling “parental” toward Dean in return, because to Dean the role of Brother and Parent are so tangled up together he can’t always tell what’s what. 

And Kevin... he’s not dead because of Sam-- even though he enjoys putting the blame for it on himself. He’s dead because Gadreel felt BETRAYED by Dean, even though he himself had been betrayed for the better part of the entire history of time... so like... there’s much bigger issues here, but Sam reduces them all down to himself. I mean, Dean also blames himself for everything a lot of the time, but not when it’s in the attempt to save the people he cares about.

The whole “we’ll always try to save each other” that is a BIG part of Dean’s personal definition of what it means to be family on a very basic level... Sam just basically stomped on that and told him it was worthless. And the painful irony is that by 10.03, Sam gets this. He finally put on his grownup pants and did something far more horrific than Dean asking an angel he thought he could trust (based on Cas’s word about Ezekiel being a good soldier, and that angel not completely lying about his identity) to save Sam’s life, and then Sam effectively being held hostage by that angel-- which directly hurt Cas and Dean both, as well. So like... at least Dean is trying to keep the bigger picture in mind here.

And Dean has already punished himself for this in direct ways that Sam has also watched first-hand. He’s expressed how he feels he’s poison and went off and took the Mark of Cain, effectively sacrificing himself to spare Sam and Cas and everyone else from Abaddon. So that bit Sam says there in the second bolded segment? Is potentially the worst thing he’d ever said to Dean up to that point. Because Dean himself has sacrificed more than almost everyone else on this show combined-- his own identity, his own happiness, everything he’s ever wanted in life since he was four years old, his own soul in exchange for Sam’s, and most horrifically his own LIFE in a future where he FINALLY had a chance to be free and live unburdened by mechanism that caused their repeated need to make these awful sacrifices in the first place. They’d finally knocked the monkey wrench out of the cosmic gears, unseated Chuck, and then... for some reason Dean thinks one more final big sacrifice for Sam is what “was supposed to” happen? NO. No, no, fuck that sideways with a container ship.

Yes, Sam repents of all of this in s10 and goes WAY over the top on his revenge mission, because he thinks Dean is dead and that some rando demon was just using his body... at the beginning he doesn’t think Dean CAN be saved. 10.03 is the beginning of Sam’s redemption from this.

And this is why 15.20 is not only implausible to me, but outright offensive. They both struggled horrifically with these things and would eventually forgive and overcome them, only to fall right back into it just in time for the finale.

Yes, Sam’s issues with bodily autonomy and possession throughout the series are at play here, too. And that only makes things worse. Dean will only truly begin to understand that after 13.23, when he will-- without hesitation-- once again make the sacrifice himself to save the people he cares about.

I understand both of their perspectives here, but heck it’s super hard not to feel angry and hurt by Sam’s words. I mean, HOW MANY TIMES has Dean been perfectly willing to be the sacrifice for Sam’s sake, and the ONE TIME he made a choice for Sam-- bearing in mind that Gadreel was also playing ALL of them, and using Dean’s face to secure the Yes from Sam-- Sam can’t let it go. I mean, I’ve written about the “who’s to blame for this” argument and how it just goes right back to the start of creation and puts it all on Chuck for locking up Amara. In this circumstance specifically, though, this is at least PARTLY Dean’s personal guilt over “failing” that first trial way back in 8.14. Sam was never the one who was supposed to “sacrifice” himself to close up Hell. Dean even argued with him that they would find another Hellhound to kill, and Sam busted out the Power of Positive Thinking BS about wanting to SURVIVE the trials when Dean was looking at them as a death sentence. Because they always WERE a death sentence, and no amount of “golly I’d really like to live anyway though” was gonna change that. The entire POINT of what Dean did was trying to CORRECT what he felt was a pointless sacrifice of Sam on the altar of saving everyone else.

So yeah, I hate this bit here. :’D

Because as I hinted at in the previous paragraph there... THIS WAS ALWAYS CHUCK’S STORY. That one brother would have to be sacrificed so the other could live. Because that’s the story of him and Amara. Only one of them could rule over creation. Only Chuck could remain free to create the universe he wanted unhindered, and the story of his universe as told and retold through his own creations was his own self-justification for that original crime. And the final episode of Supernatural gave him exactly that, in the stupidest possible way. It was “we can’t have nice things or a happy life, only one’s death so the other can be free.” The irony was that they weren’t truly free. Dean was just ~dead~ and alone and never sought out what he never got to have in life. Sam abandoned everything he’d grown to know about himself to live a half-life without any real satisfaction, until he finally died, too. It’s just... depressing AF. And it all feels rooted in Chuck’s basic plot rather than truly winning for Free Will and humanity.

I typed on this so long that 9.14 ended, with Kevin’s admonition to them both that they stop behaving like that, since he’d ben watching them be petty from the veil for months. Dean was ready to talk to Sam, but Sam had already turned his back and walked away, completely convinced of his own righteousness in this matter. And at this point in the series I just kinda want to yell at him... >.>

[downtonabbeyrevisited]

Season Two Episode Two

Following a typically chaotic opener, Episode Two of Season Two strikes a far more sombre tone. The arrival of Henry Lang as Robert’s valet brings the first of this episode’s three plot points that address the impact of WW1 on the mental health of its soldiers. There is nothing funny to say about either shell-shock or suicidal ideation both of which are vast, complex issues that, for my money, Downton Abbey isn’t the vehicle explore in (because they require more time and depth than the pace of the plot in Season Two affords) and it certainly isn’t my place to make light of them in this rather irreverent corner of the internet. So I’m going to have a go at treading a fine line here. Forgive me if I stumble. 

Lang is clearly in the grips of something awful and yet in an attempt to avoid the indignity of having maids in the dining room, he is bumped up to footman duty. He struggles throughout, culminating in him depositing his cargo on Edith’s dress. Mrs O’Brein has firmly taken Lang under her wing, recognising that he is struggling and offers him assurance and comfort that she has never gifted to Thomas. 

Across the Village, Lieutenant Edward Courtenay is in the hospital having been blinded by gas. The use of gas (both chlorine and mustard) had a devastating impact on soldiers in WW1 but was also the root of the development of Zyklon B. Frtiz Haber, a German Jewish chemist, enabled chlorine gas to be used a weapon in WW1 and his research was later developed into the Zyklon process which was used by the Nazis to murder millions, including his own family. This is only one of a dizzying number of appalling ironies to be found in the World Wars but as I said last episode, I’m not a military historian so I’m going to leave it there. Edward had plans to return to the country after his graduation from Oxford to pursue the simple life (although one gets the feeling that his idea of the pursuit of a simple life will still be one that is very well upholstered). Thomas has taken it upon himself to read Edward’s letters to him and  together with Sybil is helping him to adjust to living life with a different set of parameters. But growing pressure on the hospital’s limited capacity means that he is to be transferred elsewhere. All three voice their dissent at varying volumes to Major Clarkson who falls back on the very real backlog of wounded men. After Edward has died, Major Clarkson, Isobel and Sybil talk about a renewed need for the Abbey to become a convalescent home, an idea that has been bubbling under the surface for a while now. Meanwhile, Thomas has been left on his own to process both Edward’s death and the implications of witnessing a lack of support given by his own physician to those with depression.  

The usually reliably jovial Mrs Patmore also has a more somber episode with her pursuit for the truth about the death of her nephew Archie. Robert finds that he has been shot for cowardice. Not only does this mean that her family is in mourning but they will now have to navigate the stigma and undue shame that came with having a relative die in this way. So entrenched in British life was the derision levelled at those who were shot for cowardice or desertion that it was only in 2006 that pardons were offered by Britain for 309 of those that were executed by firing squad during WW1. I know I said I’d leave it there with the military history, but that felt like an important bit of context. 

We are now in 1917 and Matthew is still in the same trench that he was in 1916 (a detail I hadn’t actually noticed until I got the screen cap for this) so it looks like his strategy of downing tools mid-fight and continuously popping back to Blighty for important plot developments isn’t really paying dividends. Perhaps the addition of William to the ranks will help him? William certainly seems to think so and if the speed at which he moves through the various stages of his ‘relationship’ with Daisy is any indication of his tactical prowess, the British Front will not only be well within Germany’s borders but will be breathing down Russia’s neck in a fortnight. In any other episode, this would certainly get the award for oddest relationship dynamic but Sir Richard Carlisle exists. 

Sir Richard makes his debut at Downton, having been introduced in name only in the previous episode. He and Mary met at Cliveden which is a regular haunt of mine, giving me hope that one day I too will from a strategic alliance with a newspaper magnate. He may know how to talk his way around a boardroom but he is lacking in the sartorial department. Whilst Sir Richard manages to avoid catching fire in his tweed, Lavinia is not free from the heat as he threatens her with his connection to her uncle. He may not know much about navigating the niceties of Downton, but at least he has cottoned on to the fact that any major disagreement should occur under a specific tree. Whilst Mary’s signature move is weeping into her gloves, Sir Richard’s is grabbing women by the forearm. A female friend of mine told me that one of her favourite things about the pandemic and the compulsion to keep 2m away from anyone (and not just emotionally) is that she has not been ’steered’ by a male hand on her lower back since 2019. It turns out that she can enter and exit rooms just fine on her own and I get the impression that Lavinia could get the gist of Sir Richard’s rage without the vice like grip of a man probably about twice her age. 

Twinned with the ’tree of emotional conflict’, the ‘platform of romantic uncertainty’ provides the backdrop for Sir Richard’s proposal of marriage to Mary which is a declaration that really feels like it should come with a series of well-formatted charts. Mary’s heart, however, is still very much with Cousin Matthew. After being counselled by Carson in a type of conversation I cannot imagine her ever having with her father, she is on the verge of coming clean with Matthew. But in the second round of Lavinia vs. Mary, Lavinia declares that she ‘could not go on living’ without Matthew and Mary winds her neck in. 

Also having a romantic entanglement this episode is Edith. Drake, previously of dropsy fame, has lost his farm hands and Edith turns up to offer her help in a wildly unsuitable trouser and heeled boot combo. But she soon gets down to it by pulling up a tree stump and flirting in a barn whilst a rather lovely border collie looks on (I’m currently trying to talk myself out of getting a border collie and this incident has done nothing to help things). After showing Drake that she can drink from a bottle like literally every single other human on the planet, the two share a kiss and some highly awkward dialogue that only slightly resembles ‘Carry on Downton’. 

Whilst Edith is more than happy to crack on in a barn, Mr Molesley is much more backwards about coming forwards. Apparently having predicted the creation of ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’, he figures that a book is the perfect kindling for romance when you exist in a glossy depiction of the past. Sadly neither Elizabeth nor her German garden can lure Anna from Bates who is fast shaping up to be schrodinger’s boyfriend. Anna proceeds to make some odd analogy where she compares Mr Bates to her moon-based child, revealing a rather unhealthy amount of codependency in that particular relationship. 

Romantic declaration of the moment 

Again, it feels like anyone but Sybil and Branson should get this but I am an agent of chaos and here we are. Branson defends Sybil’s will to work and has ample opportunity to see her shine in her chosen field. The admission that she will not be returning to her old life is a little chink of light that Branson basks in. 

Expressive eyebrow of the week 

I nominate Carson’s entire face when he realises that he has taken on too much and goes an impressive shade of red. As Carson frets about spoons, sauce, and something I can’t quite fathom, he starts to resemble a man who is re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Carson’s battle to get a cork out of a bottle and knocking into chairs is a warm up to his rather dramatic collapse which is accompanied by a pretty disturbing groan. Sybil springs to action and he is soon efficiently ensconced in his own quarters. 

Wait, what? 

“I got a lot done on the train” Clearly Richard was on a train that was unencumbered with the wifi issues that plague the Pendolino.  

“It takes a good deal more than that to shock me.” Mary’s shock-o-meter is a pretty odd instrument. It is unresponsive to corpses of diplomats but goes into absolute meltdown at the notion that she might have to live in a cottage. 

“Let's hope my reputation will survive it.” I’ve not checked (and I categorically never will) but I would put money on the fact that someone has created a rarepair out of this. 

“How can Matthew have chosen that little blonde piece?” Is Lavinia blonde? Women’s hair is not really my forte but I would have thought she was more akin to Tim Minchin than 1998 Justin Timberlake. 

“I believe in this war. I believe in what we are fighting for.” William seems to have a better grip on what all of this is about than I ever did in high school history. The ‘A’ that eluded me is heading his way. 

“I thought he might've died for love of you.” How I love snipey Thomas. It’s good to have him back. To borrow a quote from Bottas (another man who is currently living a life in which his destiny is his own demise) ‘traditions’. 

“Fold it in, don’t slap it” The more season two goes on, the more I think that Moira is just an amalgamation of some choice elements of Julian’s kingdom.