#i just kinda wanted to use this as an excuse to delve deeper into my perspective of things and my experience throughout

[lovesickeros]

lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...

it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy

also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]

gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.

anyway.

there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.

imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.

a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.

the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?

but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.

[niafromheaven]

Your AU kinda inspired me, hope you like this

The First Exterminator doesn't understand the compulsion the First Human has to name everything new he encounters in Heaven. The reasoning behind each name is even more lost on her. He is quite insistent on naming her too and never before has she felt this strong of an emotion, of absolute aversion, towards anything than the first name he gave her. The many nicknames he managed to automatically come up with from it alone didn't help the position he consciously placed himself in. It seems her specific case was one that should warrant none of his usual "creativity".

She eventually relinquished when he began calling her Lute. She chooses to believe it refers to her rank as Lieutenant and doesn't bother delving into it any deeper than necessary. Especially with someone who spends most of his time lazing around and playing with such a strange instrument. She must admit, with all things considered, that it emitted an interesting sound.

Another confusing thing about the First Human, something that made her question his character more than she usually did, was his insistence on joining the yearly extermination event she lead upon Hell : Having reached the ultimate goal of a Heavenly Afterlife with all the servants and the prestige that came with it, she would have thought he would prefer to never dirty his hands again... Not to mention his own experience with murder befalling his own children. His answer was as troubling as his own actions.

"I don't want you to be alone when doing this."

What was he babbling on about ? She came with an entire army ready for the task each and every time. This couldn't be further from a solo mission. Sure, her first event was a lonely one, she was the First Exterminator after all, but she built herself, and by extent the entire operation, from the ground up. She figured out how to be efficient at the job and did so for a long time before more of her were made : She came up with the masks to protect herself as many Sinners tied reaching for her face in the earliest events, she developed flying techniques to avoid their attempts at grabbing and holding onto her, she perfected her fighting skills to survive on Hell's grounds (even if the first Sinners she slayed seemed to be petrified at the mere sight of her), ... And she did it all on her own.

What would the First Human know about loneliness ?

He must find his Afterlife so boring that, after laboriously scrubbing through the mud to survive another day following the Exile from Eden, he finds himself coming up with any excuse to do anything... That must be it.

"Whatever you say."

"You call me Adam!"

"Why ?"

"My friends call me Adam."

"You don't have friends here and never had any before that to call you by that name."

"Oh and how would you know this ?"

"In my time observing you and your descendance, no one ever called you anything other than Father or some other family honorific. Your name was never used for as long as I've been looking down on Earth. "

"That's all you got on me ? Well Madame know-it-all is about to be proven wrong! I had a friend ! A good one at that ! We called each other by name until the very end ! Parting words even !"

"Then I, of all people here, must have missed the event of the century. So where is this 'good friend' ? If they met their end and only did good, they must've landed here for awhile now. And in that case, why aren't you catching up with them instead of spending all of your time with me ? Huh ?"

And just with that, she did it. With her own words, she rendered the first chatterbox in history, the First Human, completely speechless. It's an unprecedented victory on her part after thousands of years dealing with him, yet... The look on his face made her wish she never said anything.

"I... Abide by Heaven's rules concerning ranking and function. It is how I came to be. As the First Human, you're unconcerned by most of those things contrary to me since you hold a higher Heavenly position and deal with other matters than I do. Still, as I have been doing this specific task for longer than you did... I could call you Sir from now on. Lute for Lieutenant, Sir for Sergeant. Just... Nicknames between us. What do you think?"

She didn't know how but from his expression alone... She made things worse.

The First Human couldn't stand in one place for more than a minute. "Let's go to the Garden, I know a great spot there !", "There's going to be a meteor shower on the highest point, we gotta check it out. It's gonna make the best background for my newest solo rift !", "This store has the best fruit shakes. You're gonna love this one, I bet my wings on it !"...

As the new saying she heard about goes even a broken clock is right twice a day.

This Extermination is an abysmal failure. Half of her troops have been wiped, one of her arms was gone and she was bleeding profusely. She hated the effects of "blood" loss, it always made her vividly hallucinate. She could usually fight it off somewhat, enough for a strategic retreat, but this time around, she was hit with something much stronger and head splitting. Only once she got out of the building did her mind began playing its most grandiose trick on her to the point where she was grateful to be able to function on autopilot...

She pulled away a torn curtain that turned to a weeping willow's branches under her touch and before her delirious sight. The battlefield around her suddenly looked less of an eyesore of red and more of a vibrant green. There was something in the distance with wings, something she's never seen before. She went to inspect it closer and as she was about to grab it-

- One arm down was not going to take her out of a fight especially against that traitorous subordinate of hers-

... She missed and the small winged thing flew away, letting out a surprised whistle. She was on the grassy floor now, sulking at her failed attempt. Turning her gaze to see where the thing could have possibly landed, she saw something, no, - someone else- laying on the ground, sunbathing and seemingly sleeping on the stomach, completely unaware of her presence. They never met before, that fact was for sure, but she found herself knowing what it- who he was. Tentatively, she opened her mouth and said -

"ADAM !"

It all came flooding back to her as she rushed to his unconscious body.

For your act of disobedience that doomed your descendants, we sentence you to an eternity of obedience as a worker of Heaven. For his act of blind love and strive for companionship, we have decreed that his Afterlife will be a lone one without what he was familiar with...

Starting with you.

I LOVE THIS WTF

[420thewritersroom]

Warhammer/Horus Heresy Kinktober 2024

Day 27: Warbands/Cultural Differences/Mind Control

Summary: I was today years old when I learned that Warband isn't exclusive to Chaos Marines or Orks

Introducing my unsanctioned Psyker turned Sanctioned Psyker, Narcos! Having a bad time as usual :D. He has recently upgraded to Inquisitorial duty, so figured I'd write about that. Not a heavy focus on cultural differences and it's kept somewhat vague about what that means, but I had fun writing this regardless. Just a couple more days before the end of Oct and I'll be finally done! Not that this has been un-fun for me! This has been incredibly fun, but I'm also kinda ready to shelve this event lol

TW: Noncon (this is mostly story based and not very noncon, but just wanted to mention this now)

Narcos keeps his eyes steeled and steady on the subject of his attention, maintaining a mindful grasp on the investigated suspect. The suspected heretic, with eyes as blank as the void that Narcos keeps their reasoning in, looks stupidly at his companion. Their minds intertwine as the sanctioned Acolyte, with a power that dwarfs the suspect's feeble attempts at defense, weaves his way into the person's subconsciousness. Psychic walls crumble with every ethereal step until there is none left to impede Narcos from taking complete control of the woman, body, and mind.

"It is done," Narcos whispers, his own eyes whitening as the suspected heretic takes the color of his Cadian eyes.

"Good. If all goes well," his partner, an Acolyte much like himself, although they mainly specialized as the muscle, glares at the possessed filth, a threatening leer meant for the suspect, but with Narcos being able to see through the woman's eyes; feels as though they are directed at him, "And it should, we'll be able to find their den of cultist and put an end to their existence."

Narcos's body does not utter a word. In his stead, the possessed woman meets his partner's scrutinizing gaze, uttering slowly, "It will."

The perks of dominating another person's mind is utilizing their memories and past connections. Narcos strutted through the city with the mnemonic sass and confidence she used to lure weak-willed victims into her cult's trappings. The memories do not lie; she definitely is in cahoots with the workings of the enemy. He's seen glimpses of her treacherous ways, blasphemous and stinking of heresy against the Emperor. But Narcos is careful to not submerge himself too deep in the waves of the subconscious. While he will excuse his reservedness as caution against any possible trickery of the heretical mind and the possible openings to the entities of the Warp, in actuality, it's a confidence issue. Being somewhat fresh out of the Adeptus Astra Telepathica and, well, not really being graced with the most confident of personalities, Narcos dips further when he needs to. And right now, he needs the location and an easy way to get into the deepest sanctum of the cult.

Narcos walks the body towards the secret entrance of the cult, disguised as a small, out-of-the-way family diner. All he had to do was mutter the disgusting words, "little sparrow, plentiful house," and he was walking right into the lion's den. Down, down, the spiral staircase went, a haze-inducing scent messing with his senses as he delved deeper into the abyss. Narcos reserves his psychic energies to maintain his hold on the woman's mind. If anyone asks, his name is Gloria now.

Gloria did her best to confidently walk as they entered the den of depravity. The area was concealed with smoke caused by the ongoing machines that pumped out numbing gas, the people smoking from hookas, and the like. All made to loosen the mind and make one susceptible to other influences. The smell of food, exotic food, even for a former noble-born, made her mouth water, despite her best interest to stop herself from imagining the delicious texture in her mouth and ignore the rumbling of her belly. She traversed the narrowly crowded hallways with silent caution, trying to dismiss the occasional touch the writhing mass would give to seduce her into their charms.

Gloria had to stop after a certain point, her senses overloading when she entered a lounge room filled with loud, overly sensual music. Or, at least, it was trying to be alluring. She hides herself in a corner, looking for a way out or another entryway to a different room, only to be approached by a tall man.

"Hey there, darling. Good to see you again; I've been thinking about you."

Their breath stank of synthetic tobacco and alcohol, making Gloria's face contort in unveiled disgust. She tries to slide away from him, making it highly apparent she had no quarrel or business with this no name.

"Hey, hey, baby. Leaving so soon?" He blocks her way with his arm extending to the wall.

"I have other business to attend to; we can talk later," Gloria says plainly. Which, to anyone who knew the REAL Gloria, she'd be a bit more sophisticated than that.

"I'm certain they can wait, whomever you have business with. Can't imagine having a lot of important business that doesn't involve you spreading those legs."

The man slides his other hand down her waist and makes a slight grip on her hips. "Which is all you're good at anyways. And stealing from us, that too."

Gloria gives a confused look before wincing in pain as the man grabs her hair and pulls her with him. Fuck, fuck, did she, he, missed something? Gloria-Narcos-scrambles through their memories to find out what had transpired? Childhood memories of jumping from loose plank to loose plank, adult life trying to live a decent living for themselves, teenage pregnancy with a 2-year-old child, and an unsupportive mother. FUCK, what did he, she, do? Narcos thought he found the cause of this incident, anxious hands quickly trying to open a safe, possibly filled with valuables, but the context for why escaped him.

For the second he attempted to consider finding context, he, she, is thrown into another room, deprived of any necessities aside from a stained floor mattress and a couple of third parties. Narcos, Gloria, lands on the cold floor next to the bed, scrambling to her feet, but is rudely interrupted with a well-placed kick to her shoulder.

"Should've never came back, bitch. You could've gotten to the upper Hive cities if you were smart. Guess the greedy and the lustful never learn. Hold her down."

The other participants hold Gloria down, ripping at her buttoned-up blouse, sending buttons flying across the room. Fuck, FUCK! Gloria, Narcos, begins to panic. He refuses to go through this; he already got most of what he needed and seen what he needed to see for the most part. Narcos attempts to sever the connection, letting Gloria, the real Gloria, handle this situation herself and suffer the consequences, yet his vision is still crystal clear as he watches one of the men unzip their fly.

He tries to break away, not only physically but in spirit. Every attempt his mind made to slip out of Gloria's subconsciousness, it felt like chains held him in place. Was Gloria, the REAL Gloria, preventing his escape? He can't imagine so, she possessed no real presence in the Warp or psychic threat, he was able to dominate her mind with no problem. Unless it was a ruse? Or perhaps the sickening aroma of this Warp den? The effects were meant to numb the mind, maybe it had an impact on his psycher abilities? Maybe it invited someone into Gloria's being, and he didn't notice?

Regardless of the reason, Narcos was stuck as the people in the room were tearing off clothes and touching their privates, hungry, sinister looks of intent glaring down at him.

"Before we throw you to the boss, we might as well have one final round with you."

"Help! HELP!!!" Narcos, Gloria, screams, using their remaining strength to call for help, however foolish this attempt was.

"Howler all you want, love. No ones coming for you here. Probably should've thought of that before coming back here."

-

Narcos's partner, Abigail, puffed another cloud of smoke, her vox-caller giving static signals of life as her employer spoke to her. "It's been almost 3 hours now; how much longer will this take?"

Abigail looked to the side into the other room, Narcos's body twitching and flinching in pain, his eyes and nose bleeding. While his nails dug into the meat of his legs, leaving bleeding claw marks in their wake. She's seen this before, Psykers and their weird ass ability to dip into the Warp or whatever; fucking abominations. She takes another huff and puff before finally responding.

"However much longer he needs. I'm watching him, don't worry. If he was truly in danger, I would know."

-

"That's it, slut, swallow his cock like the good little cock-whore you are!"

Narcos had makeup, Gloria's makeup, he reminds himself, running down his face; mixing with his, her, tears and running nose. She, he, struggled to breathe, the one he was forced to suck the member of pinching his nose so that he couldn't breathe through his nose or mouth. He claws at the man's thighs and hips with her long fingernails as the other man rammed his cock into her aching pussy.

Fucking hell, when is Abigail going to wake him up from this nightmare!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's the Kinktober lists for anyone who wants to partake! Let's be extra horny this lovely October

[notsodailycake]

Controversial take here:

I’ve given it some thought, and I’ve decided I can’t like Luis. It seems they’ve talked a few times over email, but that’s as far as it went. Luis should’ve recognized she wasn’t interested and stopped asking her out. My main gripe with him, however, isn’t over what he did, but what he DIDN’T do. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Vanessa hacked into the Pizzaplex. If it was literally anyone else on the planet, he would’ve reported them right away. But he let his feelings get in the way, and chose not to intervene.

When someone you like, or even love, is in a situation like this, you don’t bury your head in the sand. You intervene. I know he tried to talk to her, but that should’ve been the last straw. He should’ve acknowledged it was now a major work related issue after she never responded, and done his job. Not to mention everything else he let her get away with, or just didn’t notice. I feel confident anyone else wouldn’t have been given that much leeway with the red flag searches, or been brushed off like that. I mean, she LITERALLY typed “help” and he just moved on. That, to me at least, is very nearly unforgivable.

Because here’s the thing: if Vanessa was stopped then and there, that would’ve been that. I’m pretty sure they could run the hack back once it was uncovered and actually fix it. And, at the very least, Vanessa wouldn’t have killed any kids. Furthermore, with the glitch identified, I’m sure they could stop any other beta testers influenced by Afton. They might’ve been able to purge the virus from Vanessa after studying it. And it’s not like Burntrap was the real problem anyway. GLITCHtrap is the real threat. We can clearly see that Vanny’s been down in the basement, even sleeping there, so it’s entirely possible he wouldn’t even exist if not for her.

That’s not to say that all of the suffering is his fault, though. Hell, he’s a bit of victim, to. After their first in person conversation, in which he talks about her being interested in IT stuff, Vanessa created that fake ID to hack into the system. Vanessa, or rather Afton, used Luis for information.

I guess this is my own simping for Vanessa, expressing my anger at the one person who was in a position to see her descent into a very dark pit, and yet, for whatever reason, failed to stop her fall.

Maybe I could like Luis if the three star ending was the true one, with Vanessa getting freed and gaining a family in the process. But as far as the story, she’s still trapped in a living hell, with very little chance of escape. And the flames will only get hotter for her.

In my mind, the lesson contained in those emails and what follows is this: when you choose to ignore that someone you care about is in trouble, you will only make it far worse for THEM.

Wow there buddy, that's alot of words for a luis enjoyer like me- /j

Seriously tho, heh, sorry it took so long to reply to this. I was actually excited to get it, and wanted to form a proper reply/argument to this, so i had to get my facts straight. Bc i honestly dont like to just blindly defend a character (and this bit will be explained further into my argument)

So this one is gonna be a long one folks ;)

I'll start off and say that, i agree with your statement really.

To an extent. I still have my own points to argue obviously, i wouldn't be writing a whole analysis if not XD

Now this isn't something to make you change your mind on Luis, but my own views and opinions on it

I will share some stuff that i personally think before i go to your argument about Luis, just so you can maybe see my perspective of it all. And it inevitably will involve Vanessa and Gregory (and quite possibly Freddy)

I'll state that, i like flawed characters. I like characters with flaw. They are fun to write, and it makes them feel more human.

I don't belive in the good or bad, i belive that some characters are in a darker spectrum and others are on a lighter spectrum, but never black and white

Only characters who are insane would be so dark, and even then, I'd see some lighter shade to it

And purely white characters are annoying as hell, perfect doesn't make it good

And now this is probably a take of mine that you will probably not like, but it isn't an attack on you either I'm not mad at you for it lol, but, i dislike the purification of Vanessa that I've realised you've been doing throughout this. I like the fact that Vanessa is flawed, my view on her is that she isn't some perfect victim that needs constant protection (and this inevitably will probably be my own projection of myself onto her, since i was a victim of verbal abuse and some sort of manipulation as a kid), but she also needs help obviously

I don't think she deserved what she went through at all, if that's what you think, but that doesn't make it right to give her everything when she wasn't the only victim. I dislike the fact that everything seems to have to cater to her needs, when others where affected as well. She needs help, and so does the rest. Like Gregory

As much as i love and enjoy the sibling dynamic for them, i dont want to undermine what Gregory went through with her. Sure it wasn't her fualt, but Gregory is just a kid, and he almost died by her hands, he has his rights to be scared of her and avoid her, and that's why i don't like the idea of him imitatedly falling in on opening up to her or helping her, it takes time. Healing takes time, and it's something you'll see me explore more throughout the next parts (this probably is also me projecting, since i myself could never feel hurt or let myself heal bc the person who hurt me was also going through shit, probably worse then me, and I was the one helping them, even if they were the adult and i was a child, 9, i was 9. And it sucks bc it still affects me. So i am a little sensitive about this topic). And with that Vanessa also has every right to not want to be with Gregory bc of her inevitable trauma about killing kids

Both were hurt, and now they have to learn how to put the pieces back together. And I'll add as well about Freddy, even if the issue is small. Gregory hurt his friends, and upgraded him with his Friend's body parts. That, to a sentient robot, is horrible. But i know he can understand the kid's pov. But he's still hurt by it

And it's something they will have to work it out together

So general idea. I like the flaws of the characters, and i dont plan on defending them, but i also dont blame them or am happy they suffered. I want them to heal, i want to show how much actually healing takes time and effort for both parties

I like to look into every perspective. From the victim, from the outsider and from the abuser.

And now this lead to my reply to the Luis part

I will say, as i re read the emails from luis, yeah maybe so, he should have stopped, and my only reason to defend in this are possibly not even canon. But to me, I'd say she did show interest on him, if going by the therapy CDs, when she mentioned Luis you could practically see her twirling her hair by the tone of her voice

Or maybe it's just me-- but she sounded genuinely interested

But yeah, i do agree that maybe he pushed it more then he needed to, but it wasn't anything bad, he was subtle about it and just really trying a shot but to shy to actually make a move. Plus as furter down her descent, he actually stops asking, and is genuinely concerned for her well being and wanting to help but not knowing what to do since he's never seen something like this. Plus it seemed like he didn't wanna push her to talk when she didn't want to

It was still quite unnecessary for him to further insist. But hey, you can be kinda dense when you like someone >_>

Now him reporting her. Through a discussion i had with a mutual about Luis, it seems like they were already somewhat aquatinted with each other. I'd presume they considered each other close mutuals, but not friends.

And in my experience, that would make it so you kinda just, justify said persons actions, as you are not close enough to know everything, but close enough to kinda build an explanation as to why they are acting weird

Cuz as per Luis, if he did he would probably not see her anymore bc she will be moved out, and she has been working hard for her position, and sure maybe bc he liked her. But even if he didn't, it be the same light if they were friends, which seems to be a close case for them as well. As humans, or just genuinel living creatures, we can be quite selfish and be it friends or a crush, you wouldn't want to have them leave your side (and from what I've gathered they are in the same department, being able to pass by each other's work stations)

Was it still wrong of him? Oh yes definitely, but like i said, there is more sides then one to a story. It doesn't make him a bad person, but just a human being with a bias and the benefit of the doubt

And yeah, idealisticly, if you love someone dearly, you wouldn't bury your head in the sand. But unfortunately, that isn't always the case. I deeply care for my sister, love her more then ANYTHING (and dont you dare say anything otherwise💢💢), but I'll be lying if i say i sometimes i wouldn't do that if i didn't know better

In which in this case he didn't. He mentioned to be an isolated kid, he doesn't know social cues as well (which is something I've experienced with my sister, and hell even myself), so with that, he wouldn't fully acknowledge it. It is human of him to be like that. Not right sure, but since when was it human to always be right?

And i will add that, we dont fully know how their relationship was, we just know they talked with each other. And by how Vanessa is about Luis in the CDs, they seem closer to each other then with the other workers

Also, i kinda feel bad for the typing "help" part, as i, a complete dense human being, wouldn't have imitatedly picked up on it either. Bc i am dumb, and even as when i first read the email, i didn't pick up on that part until you pointed it out💀💀

And for that i deeply apologise, but also yeah- gives me the reason to say it wasn't so unrealistic for him to be this dense

And i agree, i can see this seems to come from your bias of Vanessa. And it's completely understandable- you're in your rights to dislike Luis. As much as any victim is to dislike what happened to them and the people around them who inevitably caused the problem

It's probably also something i might explore on my story ;)

And the lesson is correct, it's a matter of actually acknowledging the issue your loved one has and do something about it. But unfortunately that is not something everyone does, even of they and I'm sure afterwards the guilt lingers.

But in a general summary. Your feelings towards him are valid, and i can understand your point of view on this. But that's exactly what i like about his character

I dont defend his actions, i simply give an explanation to them and a view to this different side

[kumzume]

take a seat ft. itadori yuuji

wc. 1.5k :0

warnings. SMUT, eager yuuji, face sitting, cumming untouched, uhhh, kinda soft(????), embarrassed blushy yuuji, lots of inner thoughts (???), sukuna being a lil shit, uhhh

an. this is for that one nonnie who asked for some yuuji n i had to oblige :) i love this man he so cute omg ALSO cannot tell if this is good or not lmao wrote it half asleep so ignore typos n such

(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

ever since yuuji first laid eyes on you, he knew he wanted one thing.

it wasn’t necessarily a relationship, even though he knew you would make an excellent partner; it wasn’t a friendship either—he could never have enough of those and yet it wasn’t what he truly wanted.

what itadori yuuji really wanted from you was... embarrassing.

yuuji was no stranger to his body and libido but the attraction he felt for you was otherworldly. he could hardly breathe when you walked around the corner, much less focus on exorcising a curse. it had gotten so bad that even gojou-sensei had caught on and teased him relentlessly about his infatuation with you.

and that’s what it was—a mere infatuation that would pass in a month... or two... or five... well it wasn’t going away but that didn’t mean he liked you liked you.

all he wanted was—

“i want you to sit on my face.”

what the FUCK.

the minute the words left his lips, a firetruck red blush spread over his entire face and chest, his mouth babbling apologies and curses.

it didn’t help that yuuji could just feel sukuna sitting in the back of his head, mocking and teasing him. now all he wanted was to sink through the floor never to be seen again.

in the midst of an emotion-filled tirade of an apology, a soft hand found its way on his cheek, a thumb caressing the mark that resides there.

yuuji immediately shut up as he leaned his face into your touch. he couldn’t keep his eyes from fluttering shut from your ministrations while simultaneously ignoring sukuna laughing at how easy it was for you to gain control of the infamous vessel.

the both of you stood there for what felt like hours to yuuji but was probably more close to 2 minutes. he had almost forgotten about his previous mortifying sentence until you opened your mouth to speak.

“you want me to sit on your face?” you questioned with honest curiosity in your voice, not noticing how yuuji’s body tensed instantly at the subject change.

the red flush was back as he moved to bolt out of your arms and hopefully to the bottom of the ocean where he would not have to deal with this horrifying incident.

you, being super observant, of course noticed yuuji’s hesitance to respond to your query, his eyes constantly darting off to the side as he stammered some kind of excuse to get away.

you caught the words “meeting” and “ocean” in the midst of his rambling before deciding to take matters into your own hands, hoping to save the poor boy from an early heart attack.

yuuji was about ready to pass out when your soft (so soft, were they always like this or did you use chapstick, oh my gosh was that cherry flavored??) lips pressed against his, pulling him into a gentle kiss.

his body relaxed in your hold, his massive, calloused hands coming up to hold your hips. he could faintly hear sukuna urging him to take charge of the situation but yuuji was more than content to have you hold the reins especially when you did something with your tongue leaving him weak in the knees.

the kiss wasn’t at all sultry at first but it quickly turned that way, your tongue pushing its way into his mouth and meeting his, allowing a small whine to crawl up the back of his throat.

yuuji pushed you away from himself, his chest heaving and lips kiss swollen. he looked a little less embarrassed and a little more turned on which gave you the confidence to finally answer his question.

“i want to sit on your face,” you said nonchalantly, ignoring the throbbing between your legs and the heat of your cheeks. his reaction was immediate; a loud groan escaped his chest and his knees buckled beneath him.

you reacted quickly and caught him but not before he dragged you down to the ground with him. yuuji landed with a thud and you landed hard on top of him, both your legs straddling his hips leaving your wet heat beneath your skirt just a breath above his hard cock pressing against the zipper of his pants.

when you looked back down at him, you reveled in his reaction, a bright red covering his cheeks and his mouth slightly agape at your closeness.

you grinned and leaned back down, your lips grazing his ear. “i said i want to sit on your face—will you let me do that yuuji? want me to fuck that pretty mouth of yours?” his eyes rolled back in his head while his hips involuntary bucked up into yours. your words affected him much more than he expected— you just sounded so sexy.

“yes yes yes, please sit on my face, i need you, i need your cum—fuck—just please,” he begged, his hands finding your hips again to push them down against his own. he thrusted against you, whining when he felt you leak over his crotch.

you moaned softly at his voracity but still swiftly maneuvered your way out of his hold so that you could pull your soiled panties off before straddling over his lips.

yuuji’s eyes locked onto your dripping wet heat, craning his head up to get a taste but you lifted up too far for him to reach. he whimpered loudly, his eyes turning glassy as he made eye contact with you.

you continued your little game of hovering over his mouth in reach but then pulling back when he got too close until he was whining and crying, tears leaving tracks on his cheeks and liquid on your thighs.

as much as you loved seeing him this desperate and debauched, you decided to stop teasing him and give him what he wanted. slowly, you lowered yourself back down to his red lips, giggling a little when he groaned thinking that you were teasing him yet again, but when you didn’t stop his eyes widened in shock.

holy shit.

holy shit.

you were actually going to sit on his face, smother him with your thighs, suffocate him in your pussy and he was going to love every. single. second.

when you got into licking range, he delved in, his tongue slurping the juices that pooled in your slit before thrusting his tongue as far as it could go.

the pleasure overwhelmed you, your hand reaching down to thread itself in his strawberry strands. he moaned into your folds, the vibrations sending another wave of pleasure up your spine.

while what you were feeling was nice, it wasn’t enough. keeping your hand in his hair, you began to gently roll your hips against his face, allowing for your clit to rub against his nose giving you much needed friction.

this action seemed to please yuuji immensely, his hands coming up to lift your hips from his mouth to groan, “yes yes yes, fuck my face, use me—fucking shit,” before pulling you back down and devouring you.

you barely stood a chance against yuuji’s talented tongue, the only words coming out of your mouth being profanities and slurred variations of his name. he was enjoying himself too, his hips rutting up into the air while his tongue sucked at your folds.

the knot in your stomach was coiling tighter but you needed one more thing. “y-yuuji, my c-clit— ah ah fuck!” apparently he takes instruction like a champ, his lips moving up to pull your clit in his mouth and sucking hard.

your mouth dropped open in a silent moan while your hand tightened in his hair, your body curling in on itself as you rutted against his mouth to ride out your orgasm. yuuji licked and slurped you to help you ride out your high.

finally, you came down from your peak, your legs feeling like jelly as you pulled yourself off his face before dropping down and lying beside him. after you regained your breath, you tilted your head to look at him, your cheeks burning at the sight of his face covered in your slick and his eyes closed in bliss. you allowed your eyes to trail down his toned body until the rested on his crotch where a damp spot was steadily growing.

oh.

oh.

you quickly tore your eyes away from the erotic sight and forced them back up to his, only to find that he was already looking at you with a sweet, content, and almost bashful smile playing on his cheeks. he really was sunshine incarnate and you couldn’t do anything but smile back.

“i enjoyed that,” he started, his eyes finally leaving yours and moving to stare up at the ceiling. “i hope we can do it again. you taste... very good.”

holy fuck, did his voice just get deeper?

you suppressed the urge to roll your eyes back at the sound before rolling on your side and pressing a hand to his chest. he shivered under your touch, his bottom lip being pulled into his mouth to keep a gasp from escaping.

god, he was cute.

lifting yourself up on your forearms, you leaned over to take his lips into a soft kiss, yuuji allowing a sigh to breathe into your mouth. when you reluctantly pulled away, he chased after you making you laugh. he giggled sheepishly at his eagerness as his eyes bore into yours with such heavy emotion that it struck you square in the heart.

oh no. you were so in love with itadori yuuji.

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

[joey8song]

Honey you’re entire sun up of Jason as Robin is painfully fanon. All of the Robins are brown from tragedy. That’s their whole point. Dick is angry in the sense he has a temper. His time as Robin he’s quippy and happy and makes Bruce happy and pulls him from the brink

Parts of it probably because I like to pick and choose from dc canon as most of its a shitshow lol. But yeah all the robins have tragedy, it makes for easy plot character development/ driving forces. And yeah dick has a temper, but that’s more day to day behavior and when he gets like truly mad the kind of anger that sticks with you he gets vengeful which I think is super interesting. And yeah he is a stabilizing presence for Bruce, but that’s not what I want out of the story. Like I don’t want b being saved from the brink I want him pushed there

I’m gonna use this as an opportunity to go deeper into my thoughts on it and like explain myself ✌🏻

I’m not sitting here on a soap box like uwu Jason is just a soft boy who is misunderstood no one else have ever suffered in their lives my precious son.

You can’t compare trauma.

Jason made a ton of bad decisions when he came back and the pit can only be blamed for so much. It comes to the point where people need to realize a reason for an action is not an excuse for it, you are responsible for how you behave and treat other people.

Even in his robin days he isn’t this innocent child who has never made a bad decision. He grew up poor then on the streets and that’ll really effect the way you see the world, he is multifaceted. He’s angry but also bright, he’s smart but impulsive. At his core he is a caring person, he cares about people and it gets to him. While dicks caring gives him a martyr complex, Jason’s is more of the path to hell is paved with good intentions.

When both dick and Jason came into Bruce’s life they both already were familiar with the harsh realities of the world and death. Dick come to bruce with all those raw emotions and your immediately in the plot of figuring out how to arrest who murdered dicks parents. With Jason he is still a little kid angry at the world but when he meets bruce it’s not we have to solve this issue, it’s first found family then issues with tragedy. Dick is found family running parallel to issues while Jason is found family growing to issues. So Jason’s origin is more of a descent into tragedy while dicks opens with it.

Personally I enjoy story’s like that more, not everything needs a happy ending or a nice little bow wrapping things up. Delve deep into all the bits of the human psyche and show the truth of it even if it’s ugly or sad. I want an emotion focused film, something that focuses on the characters. With this we get the full spectrum. Confusion and figuring things out into happiness daily life to familial love to confusion anger and hurt to to hurt and anger to anger to fear to desperation to regret and guilt and grief to grief and anger and mourning. Like following with this story really shows bs spectrum of emotions and emotional responses and after spending so long getting chewed up and labeled with no emotions or all the other alpha male stereotypes they shoved on him, it’d be the perfect time to flip it on the head and show this characters so many people identify with or feel for going through it all displaying all the messy complications that go along with you know feelings.

Jason’s fits better in a transfer to film while dicks wouldn’t turn out as well because it’d be so front heavy. Like a lot happens right in the beginning it slows down the bam Zucco. How I kinda started to map it out in the last post it fits nicely into acts and sets a good pace for the climax.

(It’ll also give them the chance to fix all the very problematic things in death in the family)

Jason may be my favorite robin but Nightwing is my favorite character in dc. Despite this for the type of movies I like I think Jason robin would be more interesting / fun to play with in this medium.

[pokckygamewithbatman]

Wednesday Rant (sorry, I didn’t like it)

Disclaimer: These are just my opinions, and where I reach most of my initial impressions of what the characters should be like from the 1964 tv series, and the 1991 movies so if I’m missing facts then that’s why. I may say these opinions as fact but that’s just how I talk remember it’s just opinions.

Ok good, now that that’s out of the way, the casting is pretty crap, Morticia is boobilicious but not tasteful, which is very important for her character. Gomez and Pugsley look right but even tho Gomez is supposed to be kinda ugly there was already a precedent of 1991 Gomez that set the bar high so it was a little disappointing. He is the best cast. Wednesday smiles too much, and talks to much, and Thing isn't supposed to be stitched together he's a horrible monster who's only saving grace is his human looking hand it doesn't need to be stitched together also Thing should've used sign language bc it would've been cute. Jericho is a stupid town name, Nevermore is a stupid school name. Wednesday not liking her parents is very out of character what's even more out of character is the implication that Morticia and Gomez are trying to make her like them. Excuse me have you ever met the Addams family the whole gimmick is that they support their kids to be whoever they want. Fester was a disappointment he looks too human, not dead enough. Platform shoes on Wednesday was weird. I felt so bad for Xavier because his actor was specifically cast because he kind of looks like the Hyde, yk to further complicate things and make the audience feel like they absolutely got it. Totally cheesy that Mr. Normie Tyler is actually the Hyde, and totally stupid that Wednesday has a love interest. She says at the beginning that she doesn't want one and then low and behold he ends up having 2. The inhaler guy at the beginning was an obvious callback to Wednesday's love interest in Addams Family Values, that romance actually worked because he wooed her with his allergies, not his charms. The principal shouldn't have died, that whole scene was unnecessary if the principal didn't believe Wednesday why would she go along with another scheme?? Enid is sweet but a doormat, instead of her coming back to Wednesday, Wednesday should've gone to Enid to apologize properly. The dance scene would've been fantastic if Tyler was into it, dancing with her, smiling at her, anything, but he was just standing there awkwardly and like, that’s not someone who should be a love interest in any setting. If you’re being goofy, or doing your best, or whatever at something, your partner should be enthusiastic about said thing. He’s smiling but less in a “oh my god she’s so cute” kinda way and more in a “wtf is she doing help” kind of way. Teens can't act, we already knew that this is just another example, the Jericho thing with the pilgrims was so stupid bc they already were pushing the modern day thing but then had such outdated, old fashioned ideologies??

The romance that people want to happen between Enid and Wednesday would be cute on the surface but kind of toxic when you delve deeper because Wednesday just doesn’t think about people in that way. I don’t know how to describe it without making it out like Wednesday is an asshole, she’s not, or at least, not on purpose? Does that help? Also Enid has that medusa guy (which by the way doesn’t make sense because medusa doesn’t have any descendants unless you how the flying boar and horse that come out of her severed neck) and they seemed pretty okay together despite starting out a little rocky; btw they never explain how he becomes unstonified it just happens and we’re meant to accept it.

I don’t know how there could be a season 2 other than the fact that people like the show so they’re going to make another season. Wish that happened for other shows, yk, like GLTAS, Young Justice, even Pantheon hasn’t been promised a second season despite it being so damn good. I’m salty about that but it has nothing to do with what I disliked about the show.

And much more, I don't remember nearly enough about the show because it was so unremarkable.

[iamnotparticularlyproud]

PPB Square: Kink Discovery | @peterparkerbingo

word count: 2.7k rating: mature warnings: none ao3 link: https://bit.ly/3xpiBdx

Summary: Bucky and Peter have been together for a while, but Peter can’t bring himself to talk to his boyfriend about how their sex life is a bit - uh, well, boring. Instead, Peter searches Bucky’s laptop while he isn’t home for any sign of kink whatsoever. To say it doesn’t go as he planned would be an understatement.

Bucky’s amazing. So, so amazing, and Peter could go on about it for days - about his silly nicknames, the way he makes the Brooklyn drawl sound adorable, his unexpected dorkiness and razor sharp wit, how his hands are so calloused but he holds Peter so softly--

Days, Peter could come up with these for days. 

So, it’s not like there’s anything he wishes he could change about their relationship. It’s - they’re - perfect, everything’s been perfect. Bucky’s just so nice, and after Beck, Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever be in a relationship again, let alone one so - so good. So healthy, and so supportive. 

It’s just--

Their sex is so vanilla. Painfully vanilla. The most unconventional Bucky gets is with his dirty talk, and, yeah, Peter loves how his boyfriend will call him his sweet lil boy, and tell Peter how good he takes a thick cock in his tight ass, but that's about as far as Bucky ever goes. 

And that - that isn’t a bad thing, Peter knows that, it’s just. Boring, sometimes, is all.

Peter wishes he could talk to Bucky about it, because the man always stresses communication and talking problems out, but it’s just so embarrassing. Peter’s just thinking about it and he’s flushed, so how could he say the word kink out loud? 

He can’t. He really, really can’t.

So Peter does the only other thing he can think to do.

He steals Bucky’s laptop and rummages for any signs of kink - anything to suggest his boyfriend isn’t as vanilla as it seems. Peter knows he doesn’t have long - Bucky’s out getting takeout from their favorite Thai place, and it isn’t too far - so he doesn’t waste time as he searches all the keywords he can think of in Bucky’s unorganized folders, his internet history that’s never been cleared, the hard drive Peter got him because he complained about memory but Peter was 99% sure he never touched - he was right - and then tries his luck with the recycle bin, but--

There’s not just no sign of kink.

There’s nothing. There’s no porn at all.

Peter’s mind is blown. He hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t find porn, he thought that everyone watched porn - and unless Bucky knew how to delete specific pages from his browser history, which Peter heavily doubts, because, c'mon - but apparently, Bucky doesn’t.

He considers that, maybe, since Bucky is nearly a decade older than him, he consumes his porn in a different way. Maybe physical movies or, godforbid, magazines.

Peter’s considering looking through Bucky’s drawers and closets until he finds proof of pornography consumption, but then someone’s clearing their throat behind him.

“Jesus, how do you--” Peter exclaims, because it’s nowhere near the first time this six foot hunk of a man has snuck up on him. Then, he glances at the clunky computer in his lap that is obviously not his, and back at Bucky, who’s looking at the laptop, and then at Peter.

“What’re you doin’ with my computer?”

Peter panics, not because Bucky seems upset, because he doesn’t, just - confused, but it’s such a weird thing to be doing, and he can’t lie at all, and this isn’t--

“Does that say porn?” Bucky asks, suddenly leaning over Peter’s shoulder, and he just sounds amused, but Peter goes on the defensive anyway.

“I-It’s just, you never, and I - this isn’t me wanting you to change, or--”

Bucky moves quickly when Peter starts that familiar stress-ramble; he circles around the couch, puts the plastic bag filled with food down on the coffee table and sits next to him, wrapping an arm around his back and shushing him kindly.

“Slow down, doll.” Bucky smiles, sincerity etched in his crow’s feet, “Can’t understand you when you’re talkin’ too fast, remember?”

Peter stops. He nods, then he takes a breath. When he lets it go, Bucky tells him to take a deeper one, so he does, and as he breathes it out, he feels the alarm fade.

Not completely, though. Not with the evidence of his snooping in his lap.

With a glance back at where porn is still typed out in the recycle bin’s search bar and a chuckle, Bucky asks, almost laughing, “What were you doin’, sweetheart?” 

Peter doesn’t expect it, but the fight drains from his body. It’s him accepting his fate, he realizes belatedly.

“I, uh,” Peter pauses, because it’s still so difficult to say the words, “was looking for porn.”

Bucky laughs for real this time, and Peter closes his eyes with a sigh. That wasn’t what he meant to say, at all.

“No - I was looking for y-your porn, like, what you watch,” Peter explains, and Bucky is still laughing, but he waves a hand.

“Yeah, I got that.” He says, making an effort to curb his laughter, “Why, though?”

Peter bites his lip. "Do you watch porn?”

He was scared that meeting Bucky’s question with a question would frustrate the man, but he only looks more amused.

“Why would I?”

Huh?

“What?”

“Why would I watch porn?” Bucky sounds genuinely confused, “We have sex almost everyday.”

Almost, Peter nearly stresses, but catches himself. Obviously, he’s dramatically misread the situation. 

“Y-Yeah, but,” Peter tries to come up with something, anything, “like, maybe, before we dated?”

“I know it’s kinda old, but I got the thing not too long before we met, actually.”

That bit of information also sends Peter reeling, and he almost argues about it - because the laptop isn’t 'kinda old,' it’s ancient - but Bucky speaks before he does.

“Were you lookin’ for the kinda porn I’m into?”

Peter nearly sags with relief. How does he always manage to get it before Peter has to explain? 

“Yeah.”

Bucky’s smile shifts, and it’s - he likes that, Peter notices, and, it’s - it's sexual.

“What, did you wanna tease me?” Bucky licks his lips, “Rile me up?”

Oh. That works, and it’s pretty true, even. Peter can work with that.

He nods. Bucky continues, and he looks so pleased.

“It’s you, sugar,” Bucky brings his hand to Peter’s cheek, and his hold is so gentle, but the calluses are rough, and it’s such a satisfying dichotomy that Peter can’t help but lean into it, “You get me wild.”

If only. Peter’s never seen him be wild. 

But he couldn’t say that. Not when Bucky sounds like he absolutely means it, and it makes Peter’s heart flutter.

Peter has been a bit weird lately. 

Well, Peter is always a bit weird, but it’s a part of his charm. He’s been acting extra weird lately, Bucky’s noticed, and while it’s just as endearing, it’s confusing, too.

He almost calls Peter out on it after he’s found him searching for porn on his computer - more than he had already, anyway - but he just gets so tense when Bucky tries to make him really talk about something. He doesn’t want to bring up that energy - not so late, anyway. 

So Bucky plans to talk to him about it tomorrow.

And Peter thwarts that plan as soon as they wake up. Usually, he’s eager to spend the last day of their shared weekend off together, but before they’ve even had their coffee, Peter’s rushing out the door with the excuse of meeting up with his college friends at a cafe. Not too long later he texted they were going to do an impromptu study group for an upcoming quiz, then, after five hours, texted him they were going to hang out more.  

Bucky tries not to be suspicious of or retaliatory to Peter even more than he’s learned to be with his partners, because the kid’s not had a great track record with boyfriends, to say the least, but this is ridiculous. When he’s been gone for a whole seven hours, under the guise of shoddy excuses, Bucky decides his curiosity needs to be sated more than Peter needs to be coddled, and his new plan is to snoop into Peter’s computer like the kid tried with him. Obviously, if he assumed Bucky would have porn on his laptop, Peter’s got some on his. 

Bucky doesn’t plan to look until Peter texts that he’s on his way home, though. He thinks it’ll be funny if the kid finds himself where Bucky stood last night.

So, after Peter texted that he’s omw, Bucky pulls out his computer. It’s so sleek, thin and light, yet wide, and he hates using it, but he’s dying to know. How much porn could Peter possibly watch, considering how much they have sex, and how busy he’s kept as a student and part-time employee?

Not very much, Bucky assumes.

And holy fuck is he wrong.

He takes a wild guess and searches porn in the convenient - but too bulky, and ugly - search engine in the toolbar, and a stupidly obviously labeled folder, not porn don’t look, comes right up. There’s several subfolders - distinguishing the videos by kink, dear God - and dozens of videos in most of them, over a hundred in a few.

What the fuck.

Bucky’s surprised - Jesus Christ, so surprised - at so many things, but - where the fuck does Peter find the time to watch so much porn? What does it mean that he’s amassed such a collection? How has Bucky never walked in on him watching it? Is there a way to see how many hours of it there are, because it’s a stupidly high amount, definitely--

Bucky takes a breath. He leans back, too, because the little previews are too much to look at, and he takes a moment to appreciate just how understandable it was that Peter was so confused yesterday. It must be unthinkable, to not watch porn, to him. But - Peter’s never even mentioned porn before, not in the half-a-year they’ve been dating, so what was so different about yesterday?

The question has Bucky sitting back up, ready to delve deeper. He starts by reading the names of the folders closer, finding it’s not just organized by kink, but by his favorite pornstars, too. The kid’s got several, all with typical pornstar names, and according to the previews, he’s got a type for big and buff. Checks out.

With another deep, grounding breath, Bucky clicks on the folder name Ultimate Favorites. It’s only got thirteen videos in it, but all the titles are a fuckin’ doozy. It’s shit like Small Twink Fucked Hard, and Daddy Pounds His Boy Until He Cries, and - Jesus fuck - Dom Verbally Abuses Sub While Anally Abusing Him. 

Bucky’s nauseous just reading that last one. He never would’ve guessed Peter was into such rough sex. Not just because the kid gets all wide-eyed and stuttery whenever sex is even mentioned, but because Peter’s just so - soft. In all the ways a person can be, really.

Bucky doesn’t know how to reconcile what he knows Peter to be like with this new information about him. He distantly knows that he doesn’t have to - that Peter’s kinks don't reflect anything about his personality, and acting like they do is only reductive - but the instinct is so strong, he can’t help but fruitlessly try.

Before he can reconsider, Bucky’s clicking on one of the more mildly titled videos - not that any of them are mild at all - just to understand better what Peter’s so into. 

The video loads almost immediately, and it doesn’t waste time with any kind of introduction - there’s suddenly two men on the screen, their size difference resembling Bucky and Peter’s to a ridiculous degree, and the larger one pushes the smaller onto a bed carelessly before climbing on top of him. It’s a bunch of shoving and aggressive groping along with cruel words and name calling, and Bucky’s never been more turned off in his life. He can’t believe this porno is among Peter’s favorites - his boyfriend’s never once let on that this is the kind of sex he’s into.

While he’s staring, Bucky’s on screen lookalike finally quitting with the rough teasing and moving onto the brutal fucking, he hears Peter enter his apartment. Bucky doesn’t mute the video, and Peter’s light footsteps stop immediately. Bucky can just see the look on his face - that caught-in-the-headlights one that makes Peter look more like a deer than Bucky thought a person could - and he stifles a laugh as the steps pick back up, this time much more hesitant. When Peter’s a good foot into the living room, Bucky turns around, acting as if he hadn’t heard him coming in.

With the computer filling the room with sounds of slapping and exaggerated moans, Bucky greets, struggling to keep a smirk off his face,  “Hi, honey. How was your day?”

Peter doesn’t answer him and - yep, there’s that look. Instead, he gapes like a fish at where his computer is steadied on Bucky’s lap, eyes wide and frantic.

“Why’d you never mention this, doll?” Bucky asks, dropping the act as Peter keeps looking like disaster is seconds away. He pauses the video and sets the laptop to the side, motioning for Peter to join him on the couch.

Peter does join him, albeit uncertain and his eyes still trained on the graphic image on the computer screen. He’s quiet as he sits as far as he can from Bucky.

“I--” Peter starts, gaze transfixed on the laptop. “Can you - close that?”

Bucky does. Peter keeps looking at it.

“You okay?” Bucky asks, chuckling.

Peter finally looks at him. He seems scared, Bucky realizes. He closes a bit of the distance between them, leaving some incase Peter feels suffocated, and puts a hand on the back of his neck, a touch Peter always leans into.

He does this time, too. He relaxes some, and Bucky prompts, “Were you scared to tell me?”

Peter relaxes even more, his shoulders falling. He nods. “I know you probably don’t care--”

Bucky interrupts to confirm with a nod of his own, “I don’t.”

“But it’s just--” Peter huffs, eyebrows furrowing, “Embarrassing.”

Bucky nods more. “It doesn’t change how I think about you.” He reassures Peter, “At all.”

“That's good.” Peter breathes, and Bucky can’t help but laugh softly. “I was starting to think it would gross you out.”

It kinda does, but Bucky doesn’t say that. It isn’t important how the porn he’s into makes Bucky feel. 

“No, baby. It doesn’t.”

Peter leans into his side, and Bucky shifts to embrace him. Silence attempts to settle around them, but Bucky can’t help his need to tease.

“So… where’d you find the time to make such a collection?” 

Peter cringes. “I, uh, started it years ago.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t know why he didn’t assume that - it’s a seriously massive collection - but thinking of how far back years suggests, and how Peter is just twenty-two, he can’t help but ask for clarification.

“How many years you talkin’?”

“Uhh…” Peter trails off, seeming to really think about it. Bucky can see the moment he finds the answer, and his expression closes.  “...several.”

Bucky decides to wager a guess. He doesn’t really know why he wants to know this answer, but he thinks it might help him understand just how into kink Peter is.

“Sixteen?”

Peter whines. “Jamie.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “Fifteen?”

Peter pulls away a bit to cover his face with his hands, and he whines unintelligibly this time.

“Christ, it wasn’t younger than thirteen, was it?”

Peter shakes his head. “N-No, I--” His words are muffled by his palms,  “I was fourteen.”

Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. Peter can’t lie for shit, so Bucky can tell he isn’t just appeasing him. 

Then it hits him just how long Peter’s been fantasizing about this kind of sex.

“You’re really into this stuff, huh?”

Peter burrows further into his hands. Bucky rubs his back, and considers his next words carefully.

“If you want, we could explore some of the tamer stuff you have in there.” 

Peter drops his hands from his face and he looks excited for all of two seconds. Then, his expression falls. “None of it’s… tame. I mean, I guess--” Peter cuts himself off to cough, wincing as he tries to get the words out, “uh, im-impact play isn’t, you know, hardcore, I guess.”

“Spanking and stuff?”

“...and stuff.” Peter says with a flush. 

“We’ll start with spanking,” Bucky laughs, adding just in case, “if you want to.”

But it wasn’t necessary, because Peter brightens immediately. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” 

Peter smiles wide, and Bucky can’t help but return it with one of his own.

[valcalico]

Athena and Ares

(Just my thoughts on them and their relationship)

I have a lot of feelings about these two. They have a very complex dynamic, where they don’t really like each other, but they can’t work without each other either.

Athena provides rationality to the cruelty of war. She is the strategy and logic behind it. The objective. One might say she represents the generals, and the politicians and the main heroes. Basically the big players.

And Ares? He’s the opposite. He represents the emotion associated with war. He is the bloodlust and the desperate fight. Where the battle is thickest, where there is no room for thought, and when its pure survival instinct that drives you, that’s Ares. He represents the worst parts: the blood and the violence and the cruelty. He is accompanied by fear and terror (Phobos and Deimos). One might say he is the god of soldiers.

So they need each other. If they actually worked together, they’d be one of the dangerous forces ever, even in god circles. But they don’t. Not only because of how differently they view the world, but also because of deeper nuances in their relationship.

Athena is beloved. She is Zeus’ favourite child and his right hand goddess. The people love her. She is the patron of one of the most powerful, influential cities, Athens. She is highly respected everywhere else too. A protector of heroes and a friend to humanity.

Ares, on the other hand, is disliked by many. Zeus says he is “the most hateful of all gods” and says he would have thrown him into Tartarus if he wasn’t his and Hera’s son. (Its in the Iliad) (This part always makes me sad poor ares) He is highly respected in Thrace and Sparta. But Athens dislikes him and worships him out of necessity only.

Even in modern times, Athena is considered a feminist icon and badass lady, while Ares is labelled a brute.

Most people know this. So why did I just type out all that? Cause context is important when delving into the myths.

So first of all, let’s debunk that last point I made. In the ancient myths (and I’ll try not to include romans esp. Ovid), it didn’t work that way at all. Of course it’s important to keep in mind that ancient Greece was very misogynistic. But still, Athena was not feminist at all. Her being a “masculine” woman (mostly) was what made her so acceptable to Athens and she was regularly used to shut down other women. Also:

(The actual translation of this scene was circulated a while back. So you’re probably familiar with this. Also I’m not saying this to offend any worshippers of Athena or anyone who admires her. There are a lot of bad things in greek mythology and Athena’s internal and external misogyny is probably the least of my concerns. Plus if the greek gods did exist, i believe they change with the society, so they will no longer be Like That in the present day.)

Ares, on the other hand, was incredibly feminist, especially for that time. He surrounded himself with women he loved and respected. (Aphrodite, Eris, Enyo, etc). His lovers were often famously women who challenged the status quo (Otrera, Cyrene). He was regularly show to be a good father to all his daughters, immortal and mortal. (Harmonia, Hippolyta, Penthesilia, Alkippe). Also:

If that isn’t the coolest thing EVER-

Anyway, I won’t delve deep into that (well, any more than I’ve already rambled about it).

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can get to the hypotheticals.

I headcanon that despite ALL the evidence to the contrary, they maybe don’t despise each other completely. I see them having more of a love-hate relationship.

The thing is, gods are very contrary creatures. Zeus and Hera’s fights shake the world one moment, and in the next, they are as loving as any. Apollo is smiling and singing in one moment and skinning a satyr alive in the next. This complexity should be given this relationship too.

Like I said above, they need each other. Both general and soldier are equally important in war. And I don’t think you can completely truly need someone and hate their existence at the same time. (There are exceptions)

This scene in the Iliad really got me thinking:

If you take the scene at face value, this is probably not something to think too much about. Its Athena going to Ares, insulting him a bit, and taking him away from the war.

But its more than that. First off, Athena goes upto Ares and can calmly convince him to listen to her. Second, look how she frames the question. She says “shall we” which i think is pretty important. Athena doesn’t need to worry about Zeus’ anger or his rules, as she shows later on in the Iliad, and before, during the Rebellion. Both Athena and Ares knows this well. So why does she also need to withdraw? She can make the point without adding herself to the equation. She can also fairly easily run him off the battlefield like she does later. But she doesn’t. And there isnt any hostility from Ares.

Instead, they go together, away from the battlefield and...sit down near a river bank? Basically relax as much as they can? That doesn’t sound like a hateful relationship.

There is also the fact that Ares was going to join sides with the greeks (aka on Athena and Hera’s side) until Aphrodite convinced him to join her instead.

Its clear from this that Ares doesn’t really have much of a stake in this fight. He doesn’t care much about the greater objectives of the war. The only thing that can convince him to take a side is the people one the sides. He fights for the people he cares about, not for any greater good. He easily changes his loyalty because of his love for Aphrodite. He frequently gets into fights to save his children. He goes against Diomedes partly because of how he wounded Aphrodite. All of this means that he cares for Athena too. (And for Hera ofc). Maybe he doesn’t care for her as much as he cares for Aphrodite, but its not really fair to expect him to.

I like to think they genuinely do care for each other a great deal, they just kinda suck at showing it. Maybe that changes as time passes. I can see Athena being quietly protective of Ares (maybe she makes up an excuse to send him away during the Rebellion because she knows he will be in danger otherwise). I definitely think she felt a little guilt (guilt, not regret) at stabbing Ares, seeing as it wasn’t really fair. Ares didn’t know she was there.

I also think that Ares, who spends a lot of time with awesome women and is very fierce in standing up for them if the need arises, will be the one who calls her out a lot of the time on her misogyny or hypocrisy. Athena also has a habit of suppressing any “vulnerable” emotion. She likes to keep all her guilt, sadness, fear, hurt, and regret all locked up tight. I feel like Ares is one of the few people she lets a few of those emotions out around, even if she still tries not to. And in the lighter moments, in private, maybe they joke around a bit and laugh, too.

Okay, now for the heavier bit. While i do think they care for each other, there is also a lot of resentment there. A lot of it, unfortunately, comes from how they are treated by their peers and elders. They like different people, they are liked by different people and they are liked to different degrees. Let’s talk about 3 of the main players.

1) Zeus. Does this surprise you?

I do think Zeus loves all his kids. He doesn’t like some of them, but he does love all of them. And he isn’t as bad of a father as everyone thinks. People have discussed that better so I’ll not rant about it here.

All that aside, he definitely has favourites. Athena is his favourite child (Apollo, I think, being his second). And this favouritism is SUPER OBVIOUS. Its like none of the rules apply to Athena, which is weird considering Zeus isn’t forgiving of those who defy his authority (did someone say Prometheus?)

Ares, on the other hand, is on the other side of the spectrum. The one Zeus dislikes the most.

We can see how this affects them in several instances. The most notable is probably in the Iliad, after Athena deceitfully stabs Ares and forces him to flee to Olympus, injured.

Ares calls Zeus out on his favouritism. He says that gods weren’t allowed to fight each other and if it were anyone else, they would have been punished. He says Zeus always does this, always lets Athena get away with everything, and that he needs to start getting his daughter under control.

Zeus doesnt like this too much and basically tells Ares to stop whining and that he isn’t much better when it comes to destruction. He says Ares is the most hateful of all gods and loves bloodshed. He says he would have gotten rid of him if he weren’t his son, but seeing as he was, Zeus cannot bear to see Ares in pain. He then gets Ares healed.

I can definitely see how this kind of blatant favouritism from someone who should be better to Ares would affect him. Ares is the firstborn son of Zeus and Hera. He should be getting a lot of respect, as per ancient standards but instead, he is overtaken by his virgin half sister from Zeus’ previous marriage, and many bastard half siblings.

Athena being able to break rules left and right, and Ares having to be nervous about even toeing the line will cause distance between them.

This in addition to his position as a god of civil order is a reason that i think he wouldn’t want to break any rule until he deems it absolutely necessary, like if someone he cared about were in danger.

I can totally see a situation where both of them try to help a hero but Zeus orders them not to. Athena then wants to break the rules, but Ares is very hesitant about doing so. Athena convinces him, either by taunting or by calmly urging him, to go along with it. They get caught but only Ares gets punished. Ares can then truly show Athena the difference between her and everyone else.

Remember when i headcanoned earlier that Athena sends Ares away during the Rebellion? That ties into this. She knows that if they get caught, ares could get into trouble whether or not he did anything. I expect Ares will be furious about it when he returns and finds out what happened though, thinking it was just to get him out of the way, until its revealed why she did it. Then he’ll probably be super awkward.

2) Poseidon

The equal and opposite force to Zeus.

Well, maybe not equal, but quite close.

Lets start with the canon. Poseidon HATES Athena, despises her completely, and he frequently clashes with her father too. They worked together one (1) time and as a result, Athena wasnt punished while Poseidon was enslaved for years. Then there is the fight for Athens, the whole epic of the Odyssey, and so on.

Meanwhile he and Ares are actually shown to be close. Other than the Halirhothius incident, they are pretty chill. Poseidon is the one who vouched for him after the Net Thing With Hephaestus. Poseidon is also pretty cool with Aphrodite and they work together occasionally.

I think Poseidon thinks of Athena as this bratty kid of his brother, who is constantly working against him. You know that one annoying cousin you have who you try to avoid during family reunions because you KNOW you will clash? This is that, but a thousand times worse.

Meanwhile Poseidon really cares for Ares, and Ares takes fatherly affection from anywhere he can get it. Poseidon maintains a good relationship with both Aphrodite and Ares. He is closer with Aphrodite and doesnt love Ares quite as much as Zeus loves Athena, but he still cares a lot.

3) Aphrodite

It is no secret that Athena hates Aphrodite. Even when Athena warns Diomedes not to harm any god, she says Aphrodite is the exception. Athena, along with many of the other Olympians, see her as nothing but a silly, flighty, hysterical goddess.

On the other hand, Aphrodite and Ares are known for their intense love for each other, from even before her arranged marriage. They have a lot of kids together, and are shown to be close with all of them. They each have like one story of jealousy/one story where they are at odds with each other, which is pretty good for such a high-profile couple (Aphrodite curses Eos and Ares kills Adonis). They are there for each other, like in the trojan war, when Aphrodite was wounded and Ares gave her his chariot to go back to Olympus. He also changed sides very soon, just because Aphrodite asked. Athena complains about this too.

I think I wouldn’t be far off in saying that Athena is definitely resentful of how close they are, and how much sway Aphrodite has over her brother.

While Athena definitely doesn’t see eye to eye with Ares, and disagrees with his domain, she still sees him as a War God. One of her kind. And she just doesn’t see how a War God can go for someone like Aphrodite. Basically, she doesn’t think Aphrodite is, for lack of a better term, good enough for Ares, seeing as she is a Love Goddess.

Ares, on the other hand, does not want to hear anything like this. He is fiercely defensive of Aphrodite. He defends her warlike aspect (Aphrodite Areia), while everyone else tells her that she has no place in the battlefield. He sees Aphrodite as more than what people have labelled her to be. Which is why I believe (other than Eos and Adonis), they have one of the healthiest open relationships in greek mythology.

This can definitely cause animosity between Athena and Ares, because of Athena’s scorn and Ares’ temper. It can also increase the conflict between Athena and Aphrodite.

Maybe as time goes on, Athena can start seeing Aphrodite as having more depth. I certainly hope so. While they wouldn’t be best friends, I don’t see why they can’t learn to get along. This could also strengthen Athena and Ares’ bond. As long as people don’t insult her or lay their claim on her domain of Love and Beauty, Aphrodite is often very supportive. I truly think Aphrodite can help Athena overcome her misogyny, with Ares.

In conclusion, Athena and Ares have a very complex relationship. They do not simply hate each other, and neither do they have the most loving relationship. But they do care for each other. But strain can often be put on their relationship from their relationship to other people as well. Hopefully as time passes, they can overcome that, and have a healthier relationship, instead of sharing a good moment and then proceeding to fight each other for the next 500 years.

[mc-critical]

I've been thinking about Gulnihal and i know somebody already said this (i think it was you?) but its very telling how mc hurrem's first immoral action was against her and not mahi,ibrahim,etc. People really dont talk about it much. I also feel gulnihal was wasted she had much opportunity but then i kinda understand why because that would be an entire new can of worms. I saw a post say they should have made raziye mahi's daughter but also she could been made gulnihal's daughter it would have given hurrem a new maybe temporary antagonist instead of the isabella plot.

Hürrem's first immoral action being towards Gülnihal was said by Joanna in this awesome and detailed post. And it's totally true: in a parallel to Mahidevran beating/poisoning Hürrem, she herself did a very similar thing because her supposed best friend dared to go to SS's chamber. Okay, it's understandable why this is widely considered as a personal betrayal for Hürrem, even if we count the fact that she couldn't simply refuse to go there if she were called, but again, was burning her face truly necessary? Wasn't this a tad too far for a person you were friends with before then? Did this girl deserve such harsh "punishment"? Maybe ignore her, not trust her again even, but this? There is no way I can justify it. Besides, Gülnihal has the right to have an ambition for a higher place in the harem, just like Hürrem and all the other girls there. It is what's expected of everyone in this environment and Gülnihal doesn't deserve to be derided for it, especially not when that is her "biggest sin".

This action of Hürrem's certainly sets one thing straight - she's willing to commit to her life-long goal, no matter who or what stands in her way. She isn't against having friends or making alliances in the harem, and at one point she tries hard to earn everyone's trust, following Nigar's advice, but she wants these friends and alliances to commit as well, to be next to her at every step of the way. But when they do the littlest suspicious action, the tiniest mistake, she gets as cautious as ever towards them. I feel the motto of Hürrem's character is: "Pressure made me who I am." Her experiences in the harem have led to paranoia and constant fear that something bad would happen to her, so she's willing to do anything to lower them. If she considers that one friend of hers poses a threat of sorts, she would go against them. In short words, she went through trauma, but she learned almost effortlessly to inflict that exact same trauma on others.

I agree that Gülnihal deserved better from the show. She is so nice and sweet and after that arc of hers ended she became relegated to a more background role than a full-on supporting character. I would've loved to see more done with her and more conflict between her and Hürrem, more doubt on Gülnihal's part. I know that her being supportive and loyal to her friend is the point of her characterization and perhaps the writers didn't want to break the status-quo in that regard, but say, her not willing to forgive and deciding to leave on her own terms and have that explored and shown to us in its finest detail would be much more satisfying to me.

And that said, the way she actually got out of the show is my biggest problem with her writing that unfortunately, goes beyond her, too. Her ultimate fate is perfectly serviceable in isolation - she got married to a guy and ultimately got out of the toxic harem, a much better ending than nearly the whole main cast! I don't even mind all that much that it happened off-screen during a time-skip and we learned about it in the simplest way possible only after it IN THEORY: but it fails so much IN PRACTICE because of the writers' lacking attempt to set it up beforehand with Gülşah's attempt on Gülnihal's life. Episode 23, as a whole, is filled with drama that is intended as a big deal, but solely turns out to be retroactively unnecessary: I would get it if Gülnihal's stabbing triggered them to marry her off, but it truly didn't when you think about it, because, in the context of the narrative, they could've done this particular exit with Gülnihal anyway! They could've freely pulled it off without that whole drama, since the time-skip is in the next season and is in no way tied up to the events of E23. And in the season finale she seemed to be recovering with absolutely no hints given that she would go somewhere else, let alone marry. This sounds like a nitpick, I know, but what empowers this problem even further is that all of Gülşah's doings in E23 themselves are brushed off almost entirely later. E23 is the climax of Mahidevran's mini-arc in S01 about her constant claims that she isn't a killer and refusal to take away Hurrem's life, which make her object Gülşah's desire to end everything for good. This particular thing has been built-up from as early as E16 and it would be normal for it to reach its culmination. And yet, when Gülşah goes fully against Mahidevran's orders and Mahidevran beats her to death, all of which seems to affect the whole castle and Mahidevran breaks down in denial of what she did, it's as if all this is forgotten, not 3-4 episodes later. Two scenes aside, Mahidevran still trusts her unreservedly and there're no long term consequences for the whole thing, which makes it all pointless filler as a result and I feel that extends to Gülnihal, as well. It's almost like the writers drew themselves into a corner about this situation and the following aftermath of Leo's death and since they couldn't focus on every important thing at once, there was no time for Gülnihal left and simply threw the easiest, most convenient solution they could. It still baffles me to this day.

Gülnihal being a temporary antagonist to Hürrem's isn't a bad idea at all and I would love to see that in the remainder of S01B, but honestly not during the episodes of the Isabella arc. {I would also discard this arc entirely, if I were writing the show (because it's just such a tonal mess), but I would instead focus on Hürrem finding more allies like Gül Aga in the harem and delve deeper into her traumatic reactions to Leo's death and spend more time building up what should've been built-up all that time we wasted on Isabella: Mahidevran falling out of love with Süleiman. That's one of my core problems with E55, because despite of the events before her going in Edirne, the only thing it did is make this whole thing a plot-twist (that, by the way, could render Mahidevran hypocritical in the context of the episode) when it really wasn't, but that's a post for another day and excuse me for the ranting.} I personally would also like Raziye to be Mahidevran's daughter, because of her "false second pregnancy" Gülşah spread the rumor of in S01, but then again, her relationship with Mustafa could lose a little of its screentime then and that screentime is precious, because they really had such a well-written and human relationship. And I'm judging this as an alternative we have from what ended up really happening with Raziye, which was the weakest link of S04 to me and honestly, anything would be better than that. I wouldn't mind if Gülnihal had a daughter and if that daughter were Raziye. Then we would see her dynamic with Hürrem in a new and interesting light and it would've spiced up the narrative a little for sure. Temporary rivalry between them and especially, one after what Hürrem did to her, would've been amazing, I won't lie.

[cosmiciaria]

Assassin’s Creed Unity Review/honest thoughts/discussion - SPOILERS (long post)

So I decided to finally settle on a proper review – although this one is going to be more of what here in Argentina we call a "sincericidio": basically I will spit my guts out and cry in one corner, while being completely honest about my feelings. I will try to keep most spoilers at bay, like I always do, but there's just one thing I cannot not talk about which is THE spoiler so – I want you to be considered warned.

Before I start, I should state, since this is my review and reviews are quite personal actually, why this game is so important to me and why I wanted to play it so bad. There's a combination of factors, and obviously this game isn't going to strike the same chords with everyone, so bear in mind that this is strictly subjective and, right now, personal.

First factor and I think the most important one: I like writing. Wait, don't leave the review just yet. I like writing and creating characters. I have many. Lately I've been revisiting a character that had a very sad backstory and added quite long happy ending for him. I made him fall in love again. He's black haired, wears a short pony tail… his new love interest is a redhead with wavy hair… ok, you get me now, don't you? And what's worse, is that their story takes place in a fictional world that resembles quite much Europe of 1800's. So clothes and ballrooms and palaces and big, fluffy dresses are a thing in this story of mine. I think that, if you've ever created a character, to find another fictional, similar character in any medium is going to draw your attention to that product right away. It did happen to me with Cal Kestis from SW Jedi: Fallen Order, I have another redhead baby boy that needs to be protected at all costs. It's a way for us to 'see', let's say, or imagine our characters being brought to life.

Second factor: I love Paris. I visited Versailles and Paris back in late 2018, and I went there with zero expectations, only to fall in love with France. I love the Château de Versailles. I love palaces. I love the Seine. I love the Louvre. I love it. All of it. If I could, I'd live there. Sadly, I'm poor and speak little to no French at all.

Third Factor: I'm learning French! I dream with the day I can speak like five languages as well as I speak English (I studied it for ten years so… it kinda makes sense that I feel comfortable with it). I'm still struggling with French, but I will get there someday. I will. Because I love it. I love the language. Oui.

Fourth factor: I also really really, really like the French Revolution, and I've never, much to my surprise, watched or played any series, videogame, movie or anything that takes place in such a context (if you have recommendations, please drop them right away!). And I say "to my surprise" because I really like that part of History! So, to live in almost first person how the French Revolution unfolded – to hear the chansons and to see people gathered in crowds at every corner, listening to a liberty preacher wielding the French flag – that was glorious.

Fifth and yeah we're done: I love Les Misérables. I know it happens way later than the French Revolution, but since this musical (and the 2012 movie) became my 'home', I can't help but feel a stronger connection with everything I said above. I can watch that movie over and over and I will still sing Empty chairs and empty tables with tears in my eyes, despite its flaws.

I had like every reason to play this game. And it paid off.

Before plunging into it, I did read the novelization. Sadly, it was only to satisfy my soon-to-be-fulfilled obsession with the game, since I don't think the quality of the narration was, uhm, that good – it felt like you needed to have played the game before reading it. And I get it, it's a videogame adaptation, that's fine, but when you look at it as standalone book, it doesn't stand alone that good. What disappointed me, though, wasn't the narration, which was what I totally expected it to be, nor the dialogues or the ending – it was Élise. I was bit weary about this because she came across as completely different character than what I had in mind about her, and I didn't like her. At all. In the book, at least. I didn't like her because she had a few comments and took some decisions that made her look like she was stupid and/or selfish. I can understand the selfish part; I do not want to even believe that she's stupid. So that's why the book was a bit of a letdown for me. I recommend it, though, if you're a fan, because there's a book exclusive character that really gets the plot moving and he's endearing: Mr. Weatherall. Oh, what a man.

Now, regarding the game itself – it shouldn't come as a surprise that I thoroughly enjoyed it. As I've stated in another post, this game is barely an Assassin's Creed, since you delve like zero into the AC lore, and it's just an excuse for your character – Arno – to know parkour. Which in fact he knows before becoming an assassin, so it begs the question, why is this game even in this franchise? I digress. It's an AC game at the end of the day and that won't change.

But do not jump into this game expecting it be your average AC story. I firmly believe that the creators wanted to convey a different story here. For starters, Arno is no hero. Arno doesn't want to save the world. Arno doesn't care about any artifact or magic or creed. Arno only wants to discover who's the man behind De La Serre's death. That's his main driving force. And behind that, there's this undeniable and yet quite destructive feeling that pulls him forward: Élise.

Élise and Arno's relationship goes deeper into this story than it's noticeable at first glance. When you look back upon the plot, you discover that without their love 'subplot', there's no plot at all. If I may be so bold, I would even argue that Arno's story is a tragic love story. All the assassin's lore, all the betrayals, the first few assassinations, it all falls back into the background when Élise returns to the stage almost halfway through the game. And even though they only share like one kiss or two during the 40 hours of gameplay, there's still this latent, persistent motivation behind each of Arno's actions, that he wouldn't be doing what he's doing if it wasn't for Élise.

And it all comes down to that one line: What I wanted was you.

I cannot stress enough how much I loved all of the drunkard memory of Versailles. I think it embodies Arno's perfect character development. The constant rain and the bluish filter on every framerate added to the overall depressing atmosphere. I felt miserable while playing those quests, and the moment he steps out into the entrance of the Château de Versailles and reflects on his past decisions – decisions that have been stolen from him, because he could never defend himself nor change the course of actions on his own accord – that exact moment that he sits down and cries, I cried too.

Because all the game, all the memories, all the dialogues go in a crescendo only to crumble into this abyss. And this, in turn, creates a fleshed-out character, with a believable development, believable feelings, believable motivations. I can feel for Arno, I can understand him, I pity him, and I want to hug him. The whole game reaches its peak in its main character's worst moment: when he realizes that he's screwed everything up.

And not always do we get a story where the main character doesn't win. He just doesn't. Underneath its revolutionary streets, this story reeks of inexorability and fatality. You know it, you know it in the back of your head, but you push that thought apart because you want to enjoy jumping over rooftops and finding the best strategy to kill that man. There's this underlying, looming melancholy in every memory that you play in, and that's why the end doesn't surprise us.

It makes us cry, of course, but it didn't come as a surprise at all. If you're shocked about the end, then you haven't been paying enough attention to Élise's dialogues, to the tone of the story, to her letters, to where this plot was going. Because, like I said, the story is about Arno and Élise's relationship, it isn't about defeating the bad guy. And there was only one way that story could end.

*cries in French*

*Je pleure beaucoup*

I know the game has been panned by players for its performance. And being the 2020 year of our lord, I cannot say I reject those allegations, since it's been 6 years since the game was released. I hope enough patches were implemented to salvage the bugs. I only came across one bug in my entire playthrough which bothered me a little: some NPC's would sometimes pop into cutscenes and phase through the characters like nothing. At first it was funny, but then towards the end it happened two more times, in important cutscenes with our lovely couple, which kinda destroyed all immersion, if you know what I mean. The rest was fine: it never crashed on me, I didn't encounter the infamous, horrendous bug that unleashed memes in internet, never a T-pose or something that rendered the game unplayable – nothing, only that funny bug I mentioned. I did see the drop in framerates, specially in very crowded areas – but to be honest I never saw a game with so many NPC's together in the same place, like, hundreds of them, each with unique animations and varied models. I only come from playing Syndicate, and even there the number of NPC's was lower. Here is jarringly unreal, I didn't know the French Revolution was THIS jam-packed with people!

On a graphical department, this 2014 game still holds up. Very well. I think it even looks better in some scenes than some of its successors. The cutscenes were sometimes very cinematographic, with close ups, zoom outs, certain angles, with quite real lighting and shadows. I know it's not Naughty Dog and it doesn't have the whole Sony battalion behind, but damn if some of the character's expressions were really good. It didn't happen often, so when one of them had this very specific face I was like *insert surprised pikachu meme*.

I also enjoyed the music a lot. I don't know why but the one from the main menu stuck with me for a while. All of the songs have this Versailles, aristocratic tone to it which put me in the mood.

I have only one minor complaint and its entirely optional, let's say – I want to platinum this game. But I don't own PS plus, because it's, uhhh, expensive in my country (do not want to indulge in dollar exchange rates right now). And there are like two trophies only obtainable through multiplayer, which renders my trophy hunt useless. But, alas, I knew this before buying the game. I think that games shouldn't come with multiplayer trophies for the platinum. If you have to pay extra for something, it must be completely optional. And so should be the trophies related to it. It's a bit disappointing, though, because after finishing this game I want so bad to return to it, but if I can't platinum, I don't see myself coming back to it soon. Either way, I could still earn the rest of the trophies, but that would only enrage me more when the last 3% is going to be locked forever *cries again*.

All in all, my major question at the end is: why does this game receive so much hate? I guess if I came from a hardcore fan standpoint I could understand it more. If I had played all its predecessors before this one, I would also feel that the gameplay and the objectives are repetitive. That the challenges are bs. But the stealth aspect has been improved, the parkour has been redesigned and adapted, and as of now, bugs aren't a problem anymore. I want to believe that when a remaster for the PS5 comes out or, I don't know, if someone by divine grace has an epiphany in the near future regarding this game, people will change their mind on this one and will appreciate more what it wanted to be, than what they made it to be. After all, this is Arno's story. Arno's tragic love story.

Also this game is beautiful JUST LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT!!! 

Sorry couldn’t help myself

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Hey babes! So I have a request. So as you know, I'm a extreme hoe for Mr. Andy Barber. I just want him to tear me apart, spank me and all those things. And punish me, for being bad girl. Love ya! 💖💖💖

A/N- Excuse this hot mess @joannaliceevans-fanficblog. Its something else. XD And we all be hoes for some Andy. 

Warnings- Oh aggressive Andy spanking, name-calling, kinda just doing whatever he wants to the reader. If you don't care for aggressive sex, just bypass Darlings. NSFW

You were laid over his legs, your ass perked up in the air, and your head face down pressing into Andys leg, crying out as his hand came down hard enough to jolt you, the loud smack matching the burning sting that left you crying out. “Five!”

“Keep counting Little Slut were not done yet.” His hand landed on the opposite cheek, fingertips digging in slightly, and with quickfire spanks, you were up to ten, tears streaming down your face and your cunt clenching from your growing arousal. Your face is pressed into his calf, crying as your words come out muffled against the fabric of his trousers. “mmhm”

Andy growled as he reached down and slid his hand under your jaw, lifting you up so you were almost parallel with his lap, your head tipped back to look up. His head dropped down so he could press his mouth against your cheek, which is soaked with your tears, hissing at you. “I didn't hear you Little Slut, speak the fuck up.”

“Ten!” you yelled much louder this time. And his hand came jarring down on your ass one last time over the welts he had left behind. “Eleven Sir, please, I can't anymore.” Your squeezing your thighs together and trying to rub your cunt on his knee, it aches so bad, you just wanted some relief from the spanking.

“What do you think you are doing, rubbing yourself like that without permission?” He could feel the wet spot you cunt created, and he let his hand he was punishing you with cup your cunt, snapping fingers against your clit making you snap taunt almost off his lap. “This is mine, you don't get to play with it till I say you can. Naughty Little Slut you are.” You're nodding furiously as much as his hold on your chin allowed. Jerking you up to a stand, he followed suit and pushed you back to land on your back on the bed, as you were shifting yourself up towards the headboard, he was yanking off his clothing and discarding them, just as quickly following you up, and pining you under his body.

“Sir I need you.” You moaned and rolled your body against his, even with your ass sore and burning just having it brushed against the sheets. Andy smirked, his blue eyes roving down your body that wasn't captured beneath his own. “Well my whore, what makes you think that you can tell me, but I'm not sure you deserve it. Mouthy little girl you have been lately.” His hand snapped to grasp around your jaw and cheeks, pulling your head enough to that he could kiss your lips, swiping his tongue over yours and growling against your lips, stealing the very air from your lungs before he pulled back. Blue eyes searched yours and gruffly he asked. “Remember your words Y/N?”

Loosening his hold just enough to let you speak freely. “Yes Andy, I haven't forgotten.” Giving you a soft kiss against your forehead. “Good baby, cause Im about to fuck you like I hate you.” Then his eyes hardened and he lifted away from you enough to slap your thighs apart, fingers delving into your channel, catching you by surprise when a buzz also pressed into your cunt. You tried to reach to grasp his wrist the shock of the buzz and fullness of his fingers making you squeal, but he was quicker and wrangled both of your hands above your head. Your feet slamming against the mattress to give yourself leverage and snap in an arch. Andy knew just what triggered you, and he had a bullet hidden in his palm without you knowing, pressing the buzzing toy against your clit, ripping the sensations from you as he pressed and rubbed your g-spot.

“Oh your gonna cum for me little messy bitch.” his fingers quick jarring pumps, the buzzing relentless against your clit, his weight was pressed into your wrists where he loomed over your body that kept your wriggling one caged. “Sir! I- I cant!” Normally it would take more, but you were already so aroused from the spankings, and now his relentless fingering was making you try to clasp your thighs together. Your fingers twisting into your palms, and your head tipped as your orgasm rippled through you. Andy removed his fingers, covered in your slick, wiping his fingers over your heaving breasts as you tried to catch your breasts, and then he grabbed your chin, rubbing your slick all over while he spat in your mouth, and stuffed his soaked fingers in to have you wrap your lips around them. “Suck em clean.:” He demanded while dragging his tongue over your wet nipple, sucking it into his mouth, the flatness of his tongue stroking it till it swelled, humming against it till it ached in a fine line between bliss and pain.

You did your best, moaning around his fingers filling your mouth. Your tongue sweeping around them, sucking sharply till he snapped them against your tongue and he popped your hard nipple from between his teeth, slotting his hips to lay between your thighs. Your wrists are still pinned above your head, and his other playing with your tongue. Removing them from your mouth a line of spit and your cum stretching as he pulled his fingers away. “Look at how messy you are Little Slut, coming apart so sweetly for me.” He praised and you couldn't help but purr at the comment, swiping your tongue over your lips. Grasping the base of his cock, he lined up to push into you. You're still so sensitive that you whine up at him. “Sir, Andy it hurts...��� you pant through and he shushes you with a dip of his head biting at your lips in a kiss when he finished filling you to stretch around him, your whine pressing into his mouth. But you don't use your words, cause even though it hurt, it was a welcome pain, a welcome fullness the way his cock is buried in you.

But there is no wait, no pause when he starts rutting himself into you, snapping his hips against you, muscles in his back rippling, his ass clenching the deeper he presses into you and he's covering your breasts in sucking bites, cleaning off the last of your arousal. Finally he lets go of your wrists and captures under your knees to press them back, bending you in half. “Fuck!” you both say almost simultaneously. You're tight around him, this angle changing for both of you. You automatically grab a hold of your ankles, and you've never felt fuller then you have right now. The noises your soaked cunt is making would be obscene if your groans and sharp cusses weren't covering it. It's furious the way he's pounding into you. “Fuck Andy” you squeal, and he's holding onto the headboard for leverage, panting and grunting.

“We didn't go back to Andy..” He growled as his hand slapped against your tight ass, making you yelp. Pulling out his hand jerked you to twist, landing on your belly, and pulling your hips up till your knees spread underneath you. Thrusting back into you from behind, your face is buried into the pillows, biting and screaming into them, hands clawing at the sheets underneath you. His hand fists into your hair, and his chest drapes over your back, now your unsure of how much more you can take from him. Sharp teeth sinking into your shoulder to muffle his grunts, causing your cunt to tighten around his plunging cock, begging now for him to finish you, fill you to the brim. “Fill me! Fuck your cum into me Sir.” Your begging and pleading with him, ripping your fingers into twisted sheets and painful pleasures started screaming internally over your body, jerking you violently under him, when he snaps his cock to bury in you once more and paint you full of his cum, warm in you, it felt good, satisfying to feel him spill in you finally after all the pounding, to be able to hear him groan in his own after-effects of an orgasm, you to moan in the satisfaction of reaching that edge and falling over.

When he pulled out, pushing himself off you, your finally take a deep breath losing the weight off your back, and his palm rubs against your ass, looking down at you whimpering as you curl up a bit. Feeling a mixture of his cum and yours slip from your thighs, you clenched them together, rubbing them when he growls out. “Open them...” Which you did, and he admired the sight of your cunt messy and used for a moment before using his touch to gather the arousal and push it back in. “Dont want you loosing any yet.”

Nodding and hugging a pillow as you stretch out on your stomach, ass is still sore from before, Andy gets some cream to rub in the red cheeks, leaving you sighing softly at how cool and soothing it feels.

“Sir... are we done?” You ask softly and he palms your ass, rubbing slow circles in each cheek, pulling them apart and pushing back together.

“For right now. We can play later tonight if you're up for it.” He leaned over to tilt your chin to look at him, and press a softer loving kiss on your lips. “And you can call me Andy if you want baby.”  

You blush and wriggle in closer, whispering against his lips. “I'm not quite ready for Andy yet. I still need my Sir.”

“Then you shall have him. Get up then, I have more plans for us Little Slut.” Moving to a stand, he held out his hand and you excitedly took it, ready for another round of play.

[obsessedbee]

😆?

😆 what’s the work you had the most fun making?

well, I only have two works that anyone following this blog would know about and only one of them is posted. I enjoyed writing them both for separate reasons!!

For Secret Flame, it's very self-indulgent and just ridiculous and silly for some parts; I adore chaos and the idea of secretly-dating is peak chaos for me. Plus, I wrote fluff and I never write fluff, so it was kinda nice to get into those lovey-dovey feels. Not to mention, the angst made me cry while writing it, so i'm kind of super excited for the reception of that (or maybe not, because nickels was upset that Cole said he didn't have a boyfriend in front of Kai when they weren't official yet so I can imagine the later events will be MUCH more upsetting XD) (Also if anyone wants to read it: here's a link) Technically, this is the one I've had the most fun writing.

For Fear and Loathing, which hasn't come out yet but is 4/7 chapters finished and completely planned (though... I'm pretty much definitely going to rewrite Lloyd's because it was the first one i wrote and I decided I wanted to go a slightly different direction with it). I LOVE IT. It's peak angst; it is literally just about the main 7 on their worst days and their terrible (and potentially triggering so each chapter is going to be properly labeled) coping mechanisms. BUT, each one also gets love at the end of it because, I'm not going to lie, I am pretty much using it as an excuse to project on them all and I am giving myself love too while writing them through these experiences. It's also just a really good way for me to get into the mind of them all and develop this world that both Secret Flame and Fear and Loathing are a part of.

I have a third story that I've been having fun writing in my head that's set in the same world and will be a continuation of Secret Flame. It's going to be called (as of right now, might change) Lou Brookstone's Annual Halloween Party and it delves deeper in Cole's past and will test the limits of Cole and Kai's relationship. It's also going to be mostly in Kai's perspective, unlike Secret Flame which is almost entirely in Cole's.

um, this was super long and I spoke about a lot more than the question asked, but thanks so much for sending that omg. I cannot believe how good it feels to talk about my WIPs. I literally hid in the bathroom with my laptop because my friends are over and I got so excited to answer haha. Thank you lots, lovely!!!

[ijustwant2write]

Paying My Respects-Peter Parker x Reader

(GIF credit to @rdjgifsdaily)

Summary: Memorials for the fallen Avengers are scattered around the city, it is impossible to forget about their sacrifice when seeing their faces everyday. A certain painting Peter finds himself at frequently brings along other visitors, and there is on in particular that interests him.

Characters: Peter Parker x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: References to death, mourning, slight swearing

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Peter landed almost elegantly on top of a building, squatting down before sitting on the edge, his legs swinging over the side. His breathing was erratic, having swung through the city for a patrol, and he took that moment to calm down; he would say he was relaxing, though the faint noises of the streets below prevented that. Slipping off the mask, Peter kept his eyes closed, embracing the cool breeze, before coming to his senses and putting it back on.

He would end up in this spot almost everyday. At first it had been unintentional, he hadn't meant to land in front of the humongous memorial. There were many memorials of Tony, though this one included Natasha, and that was a rare but beautiful sight; someone had painted huge portraits of them both, the resemblance was uncanny. People would lay flowers, letters, poems, action figures and more art pieces for the fallen heroes. Peter remembered the first time he saw it, and how he had wept for them. However, not all his tears were full of sadness, there was somewhat happiness at the sight of people who felt the same as he did, who recognised that these people were heroes.

After visiting the place for so long, he had noticed one recurring woman, a girl who must have been around his age, perhaps older. She would come at the same time everyday, a backpack that looked heavy (maybe full of books?) slung over her shoulders, though that didn't stop her from carrying the two massive bouquets she laid out every afternoon. She was always by herself too, no one ever accompanied her. She would carefully place the flowers in front of each Avenger, before waltzing back and staring up at the memorial. It could be as long as fifteen minutes to as short as a minute that she was there, but Peter could tell she felt the same amount of remorse and gratefulness in each moment.

Once it was established that she was a regular visitor, Peter would always look out for her, wondering if she would bring the same colour flowers (which she did each time), and keeping his focus on her during her time there. He couldn't believe how dedicated she was, it had been long since the battle, and there were people who had come frequently before dispersing their visits, whereas she was commuted everyday. It sparked happiness in him.

So he sat back, people watching as he waited for the girl. Somehow, it never got old to look out for her, he had only ever missed her once when he was dealing with a robbery. But as time went on, an hour or so passing by, Peter realised she hadn't come, and for some reason that made him panic. Had something happened to her? Was she being mugged? Was there an alien invasion that he didn't know about? Or perhaps, like many others, she stopped coming to the memorial. He refused to think that. This woman was lovely, she was kind, she had the decency to pay her respects everyday. Peter didn't even know the girl, yet here he was, defending her to no one.

Deciding that he couldn't spend anymore time waiting around, he deeply sighed before running along the roof of the building, jumping as he swung through the city once again. He tried to forget about it for now, concentrate on patrolling. Why did he feel upset because of her? He had never met her, only watched (which didn't sound creepy at all). There was also worry for her, but Peter convinced himself he was overreacting. People come and go, as they say.

Although he should have gone back home, Peter returned to his usual spot, the sun only just slipping away, casting an orange glow across the sky as streetlights flickered on randomly. He could feel the cool air replace the hotness of the city, though the noise from said city didn't change. Whoever had painted the memorial had also set up lights beneath it, meaning it was on display at all times. Only a couple of people would walk past it, clearly tired from their day of work, none even bothering to glance up at the masterpiece. Peter desperately wanted her to be there, just to show up at the last minute; he envisioned her scurrying along, maybe having to place the flowers down quickly in order to get home on time, but still admiring the portraits.

Once all was quiet and deserted, Peter made his own way down to the streets, looking down both ends to see if there was any sign of her. There had to be, it wasn't like her. Frantically searching around, he stopped when he heard a gasp from behind him. Spinning around way too quickly, Peter regained his balance, a smile appearing under the mask when he saw that she was here.

"Y-you're....you're.....Oh my god you're Spider-Man." she exclaimed quietly, clutching onto the bouquets in her hands.

Peter chuckled awkwardly."Yeah I guess I am. Well, I don't guess, I know I'm Spider-Man! It would be kinda bad if I didn't know, I'd be like 'oh my god! Who's body is this?!'. Haha, that's a strange thought."

What the hell was he doing?! What was all this crap coming out of his mouth?

"Yeah, it is."

The awkward silence appeared, neither person knowing what to say. All this time, Peter had been watching from afar, always wondering what she was truly like, but now that she was standing there, he had no idea what to say or ask; as for (Y/N), she was stunned, shocked that she was face to face with the hero, and also didn't know how to form words anymore. The cellophane wrapped around the flowers crinkled under her grip, though it wasn’t strong enough to crush the flowers. What was she supposed to do? Place the flowers down, say bye to Spider-Man and leave? 

However, Peter had realised where he recognised her from. He had seen her around school, though they had no lessons together. He had never really taken notice, not for bad or personal reasons, they had never crossed paths before this. Strange how the world works.

“Uh..I-I’m sorry if I startled you. It’s just that I’ve noticed you come here a lot and, and you always bring flowers.” Peter started, not knowing where he was going with his sentence.

“Yeah,” she smiled down at the flowers, before looking up at the painting,“I mean, they deserve it. They deserve much more actually, more than flowers.” her gaze went back to Peter.“You all do.”

Peter hesitated, never hearing this sort of gratitude before.“Thanks. And you’re right, they do.”

“I guess I feel like I should do it too. My dad, he...you know, he ‘disappeared’ as we like to call it. Thought I would never see him again, and then you guys went off to save us all, like you always do. Only with a few more casualties.”

“Thank you.” Peter blurted out.

“Hm?”

“Thank you, for thanking me, us. No one really does that.”

“They should. You’re still people at the end of the day, just a little different. If we didn’t have you, the whole world would be different.”

“So...” Peter wanted to keep on speaking, though wasn’t sure where to go from here, whether to delve deeper or to change the topic. But how?

“If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? You can’t be any older than I am, at least you don’t sound it.”

“Yeah, I’m-” Peter never thought as he spoke, though wondered after if he really should be saying this,“sixteen.”

(Y/N) gasped, blinking a few times in disbelief.“Holy shit. You’re the same age as me. I couldn’t ever imagine doing what you do, at any age really.”

“Never imagined doing this myself either.”

“Sorry, I really shouldn’t be saying this. I talk a lot and don’t really think before I speak-”

“I do the same sometimes, don’t worry.”

(Y/N) smiled at him, wishing that she could see who was under the mask, as many other people would. She felt remorse for him, even though many people had been through an ordeal (including herself), he was a war hero, someone who sacrificed a huge amount in order for everyone else to stay safe; and she knew that even thanking him everyday wouldn’t be enough to repay them.

“I don’t want to be rude, but it’s really late. I lied to my parents and said I was at a friend’s house. I haven’t told them what I do here. Not sure why...”

“I can get you home, just so you’re safe, you know.”

“Thank you, but I’m not good with heights.”

“I-I can walk.”

She laughed.“That would draw a lot of attention wouldn’t it?”

“It would. But I’ve got a good excuse right?”

Neither one of them could grasp how easily they were talking to each other as they walked the empty streets. At first, (Y/N) had been looking around, wondering if anyone was watching, she knew it was a strange scene. Though as the conversation flowed, she found that she didn’t care anymore. When you stripped away the superpowers, he was just liker her; a teenager trying to figure out what to do with their lives, as well as balancing homework and a social life. She didn’t push any further questions about his alter ego, or how he fought all these bad guys daily. (Y/N) could sense that he was at ease, he didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact he was casually walking her home in his suit.

Peter hadn’t stopped smiling beneath his mask. For some reason, knowing the woman who laid down flowers brought more joy. He had some hope in his generation to carry on the legacy of people like Tony and Natasha. Peter stayed back as (Y/N) entered her house, glancing back one more time before she closed the door. He didn’t miss the shy smile on her face before he began running away, a new burst of energy in him as he swung home.

Continuing the tradition they had created, Peter sat atop the same building, watching over the memorial as another day came to an end. He had that little spark of joy again, especially since he had seen (Y/N) at school the next day, knowing her commitment. Perhaps he would go up and speak to her at some point, try and have at least one conversation as two normal teenagers. He excitedly leaned forward as he spotted (Y/N), but found that she now carried three bouquets instead of two. Peter didn’t want to assume it was for him, however deep down he knew it was, and he could not be happier. 

(Y/N) looked up, finding Spider-Man casually sitting on the roof of a building, almost a tiny dot in the distance. Even though he couldn’t possibly see her features, she sheepishly smiled up at him, embarrassed that he had seen her place down flowers for him, even though she knew he would most likely be there. Her hand flinched as she thought about waving, realising that there were many people walking around her. She scurried along, still feeling the watchful eyes of the hero, and Peter felt his cheeks heat up, excited to see her once again. 

[wrighty-16]

Basically I’ve written something, and I’m gonna share it on here with you lot cause,

Well I think the worlds a pretty sad place and hopefully this will help some people to think differently, anywhere here ya go

I am just another girl,

who’s been going through some pain,

I scribble stuff on paper,

to ease it in different ways,

I’ve been thinking to myself lately, without sharing what I feel, I’m basically just moaning at myself about stuff I shouldn’t conceal,

Because most of us feel the same, atleast that’s what I’m told, so I want to share this, without seeming bold,

Because I’m just another girl, who’s experiencing some pain, I scribble stuff on paper, to make it go away,

I want to share my story, brief as can be, because the story is about you as much as it’s about me..

I’m told it can be similar, for the people in despair

I’m told our lives don’t differ much, if only we compare,

So I’m sitting down and I’m thinking about it, and I just feel like none of you have written about it,

the way we individually sit here and doubt it, our life’s worth and

how aren’t we proud of it?

Just makes me think how is our head that clouded, cause if my mother was here she’d be astounded,

At the nerve that I have, speaking so proudly,

About the problems of the world, when they speak for themselves so loudly.

I’ve been increasingly sickened by the world, the past few years, and as I grow older, I struggle to hold back my tears,

I know this might seem a simple poem, with a mediocre explanation,

But sometimes I find it hard, to even have this conversation, because

It’s so common today, to excuse someone’s situation, but I wanted to sit and talk to you, about a common contemplation,

And with the recent events in the world,

and I think it’s a good time to bring it up,

Just how many things in the world, really fucking suck😂..

No seriously I think it’s a good time to bring it up, it really isn’t difficult, to feel a certain kinda stuck, the kinda stuck when you don’t know who to tell, water up to your neck, you have to tilt your head to yell, screaming from your lungs, crying out for help,

Suddenly you’re gone, and all the pain it melts

And see it only gets sadder

The deeper that you delve

I am one of many, whom have felt this way, since 12,

And see it’s like a war zone

That not many understand,

see I’m standing in the war zone and I’m the only man,

There are weapons available, but not easily you see, because I’m in command and you are fighting you with me?

And so I want to talk about the conflict that I have at hand, I’m trying to word this in ways, positive people understand,

Many of us think, through a voice we hear in our heads, it is basically there to help us take the right steps?

but some of us are struggling, sometimes it leads us astray,

it has led so many, to create their last day

And so I’m wording it funny, beating round the bush? Sometimes all people need is a little push.

and I’m getting annoyed now, because I’m told it is cowardly. To end a life lived that was fought so powerfully.

It is not cowardly, to make a decision, to live a life outside of prison,

and so many of us make these choices, by obeying the rules of society,

but some will tell you “it’s just a fire inside of me”

I just stopped to breathe

So if you’re thinking of taking your life, could that be all you need?

I know that it’s a war zone inside, but don’t do it yet I plead,

Because I’ve sat where you are today, stay for another moment please,

I’m not saying if you stay until tomorrow that you are destined to succeed, I’m saying if you don’t, how can you wait and see?

And so I’m just another girl, who’s been going through some pain, I like to write stuff down to erase it from my brain,

I hope this has helped you, in whatever kind of way, and if you’re feeling lonely, tell me about your day x