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cerseimikaelson · 3 months ago

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Episode Three: Period Cravings [AO3]

It took Ares longer than he was comfortable confessing to notice the thief.

In his defense, there were multiple explanations for this blunder other than a sheer lack of observation skills.

Number One: they lived in a world of magic. When your doorknockers could talk and your books moved on their own whenever you forgot to dust them and your ties changed color to match your girlfriend’s dress, (though Ares wasn’t complaining about the last one) it wasn’t uncommon for objects to switch places for no better reason than boredom.

It was only when Ares decided to broach the subject with Aphrodite that the following dialogue ensued:

“Has the fridge been acting up lately?” he asked out of the blue.

They were laying on the U-shaped sofa Aphrodite had insisted was imperative to buy in lime green to bring out the curtains. Ares hadn’t been entirely sure how the whole concept was supposed to work, considering she liked changing their drapes every other month, and brought out holiday-themed ones for the solstices, but the sofa was soft and comfortable to cuddle on, so he just let her do her thing.

He was a good boyfriend like that.

“Um… no?” Aphrodite looked somewhat bewildered at the topic, so it rather came out as a question. “Why are you asking?”

“Couldn’t find the jam earlier. Demeter just dropped by and left us this jar of strawberry jam she made from her own plants, there’s no way it’s gone so quickly.”

Aphrodite quirked a brow.

“And you think the fridge just… what? Swallowed it up?”

“Crazier things have happened.”

She couldn’t really dispute that one after having witnessed last year’s Halloween spectacle with her own two eyes.

The less said about that, the better.

Uno was still under an Olympus-wide ban.

“Well, I am in my avocado spread era, so I definitely didn’t try any jam. Have you asked the kids?”

Which brought us to Explanation Number Two.

When one lives with two rambunctious toddlers, one learns fairly quickly nothing- not carpets, not bookcases, not even paintings literally nailed to the freaking wall, which Ares still had questions about- stayed in one place for long.

Combine that energy with the mayhem that came with raising two immortal toddlers with absolutely no handle on their budding magical powers originating from a love goddess and a war god and you got…

Well, their kids basically.

“What have we said about sneaking into the kitchen for snacks after bedtime?”

Two pairs of adorable wide eyes blinked up at him in exasperated innocence.

Damn, he and Aphrodite had to stop creating such cute miscreants.

“Not to.” Harmonia even shook her head for emphasis, honey curls bouncing.

“Yes, that’s right. If you want a snack, you…” Ares trailed off, letting Eros take the lead.

“Come to Mama and Papa.” his four year old son finished his sentence, looking serious like he was delivering an answer in math class.

“Correct. So which one of you ate the pozole last night?”

There was a part of Ares that doubted they had done it, though. The thief had been incredibly meticulous in covering their tracks, no stains or prints in sight. The only reason Ares noticed the missing quantity was because he had actually made the dish himself, and he knew exactly how filled the pot had been. How well-thought the operation had been overall required a bit more stealth than his four year olds were capable of.

Hopefully. Otherwise he and Aphrodite were so screwed.

Harmonia and Eros glanced at each other and then proceeded to simultaneously shake their heads.

“We didn’t, Papa.”

Okay, Ares wasn’t new at this. It wasn’t the first time the little ones thought they could weaponize their big eyes and wide grins and turn them against him. He wasn’t even mad, it was the principle of the matter. He and Aphrodite agreed the kids had to feel free to come to them to ask for more food, safe in the knowledge they would never be turned away by their parents. They didn’t have to sneak around and smuggle items out of the kitchen.

Ares opened his mouth to tell them a variation of that, but one look at Eros’ cherubic wings made him pause.

They weren’t flapping.

His son’s wings were dove shaped, but the feathers resembled something more eagle-like, (possibly due to the influence of Ares’ genetics) white and pristine since the day he was born.

They were also his biggest tell: not strong enough to fly yet, they twitched like mad every time Eros lied.

The utter petulance on the boy’s face as he tried to get them under control was something Ares wanted to blame on Aphrodite, but the truth was he had seen that same expression one too many times on both their faces.

Only this time the wings were still, nary a twitch in sight, and Ares had to admit he had missed the culprit again.

“It could be someone pulling a prank on us.” Aphrodite said as they settled into bed one night, a few days after Ares’ fruitless conversation with the kids. “Hermes or something.”

“Sneaking into our pantry and eating small portions of our food isn’t really Hermes’ brand of mischief.” Ares argued. “Besides, what would he need to do that for? He can literally snap his fingers and conjure whatever.”

“Maybe it’s someone else then.” Aphrodite shrugged, looking supremely unconcerned at the possibility of some stranger essentially breaking into the home where they and their children slept and committing theft, however minor.

Ares knew it was because she was confident it wasn’t anything serious, because if his girlfriend ever felt they or their kids were threatened she could put the fear of the Primordials even in his father, and that wasn’t something anyone could claim.

Gods, he loved this woman.

“I am just irked by the whole thing, you know? I feel like whoever it is are mocking us.” Ares grumbled, watching Aphrodite tie the end of her long braid with a pink ribbon without even glancing downwards.

“I am sure you’ll figure it out.” She kissed him soundly. “Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

Ares didn’t sleep at all that night (sorry Dite) but the plan he drafted to catch the mysterious food thief in the act was nothing sort of genius. It involved copious amounts of string, a jingle bell from one of Harmonia’s toys, a HD camera he pilfered from Apollo, and a bait tantalizing enough to tempt a saint: his mother’s double stuffed smore brownies.

Ares had to pull strings to get Hera to bake those in such a short notice, but as he carefully set the plate down on the counter, all he could think was: worth it.

No one could resist the allure of his mother’s baking.

“Is that extra chocolate graham cracker? Gods spare me.”

It took a considerable amount of effort on Ares’ behalf not to forget what he was here for entirely and just inhale the whole thing himself.

Yeah, the food thief was definitely down for the count.

Satisfied with himself, Ares turned the lights off, turned the camera on, and waited.

And waited. And waited. And waited.

Now he knew what trying to catch Santa in the act felt like.

He hadn’t been able to detect a concise pattern when it came to the thief’s, well, thieving, only that it was somewhat regular and occurred every month or so. But sometimes it happened twice in the span of a few weeks and once the thief skipped a month entirely.

Ares was so busy trying to calculate the number of days between tonight and the last incident (nine of Aphrodite’s limited edition flavor changing French truffles had vanished without a trace) that he almost missed the bell chiming.

Shooting to his feet, the war god made a mad dash for the kitchen, hand immediately reaching for the trusted sword strapped to his hip.

He would show this sniveling excuse of a criminal what happened to those that defiled his family’s sanctuary (and ate his brownies!).

He would teach them the hard way not to ever covet the gods’ belongings again.

He would…

Swinging his sword with a war cry, Ares lunged forward.

And found himself staring at his very displeased, very judgmental niece.

“Let me get this straight.”

Ares ran a hand through his curls, probably tousling them beyond repair. He would have to let Aphrodite put conditioner on them. But honestly, after nearly decapitating the mysterious food thief whose secret identity had plagued him for three months, only to find out said thief was his niece, well, Ares thought he was entitled to his reaction.

“You’ve been fighting with your mom over eating healthy, so your solution was to sneak into my house and eat my chips and chocolate instead of, I don’t know, getting your own?”

His voice rose a little at that last part.

Viola, for her part, looked entirely unrepentant. She sat cross-legged on his counter, eating the brownies straight out of the container with a spoon Ares was pretty sure was meant for soup.

“Athena forbade all the shopkeepers on Olympus to sell me over 7 chocolate bars a week. One for each day after dinner, she said.” Viola scoffed as if the idea was ridiculous. “I burned through my secret stash within a week. It’s going to take me some time to charm the shopkeepers back to my side. She’s pretty goddamn scary when she wants to be, and they are all wimps.”

Ares tried to comprehend this information, but it was 2 am and his brain wasn’t entirely cooperating.

Anyone with a working set of ears was aware of Viola and Athena’s tumultuous relationship. In just the short three months the girl had been living with the Olympians since the diplomatic incident that forced her out of the Faerie realm (her permanent residence) for a whole year, her clashes with the wisdom goddess had become the stuff of legend.

Ares himself wasn’t surprised. Viola and Athena were like oil and water. Night owl versus early riser, flashy and fashionable versus practical and conservative, careless and spontaneous versus organized and prepared. Even if there wasn’t anything to bicker about, they’d sure make something imaginary up and go from there.

However, this particular stunt felt… odd, even for Viola’s standards.

And this was the girl that convinced Hermes to take her for a joyride in Artemis’ moon chariot.

“Okay kid, time for subtitles. I am too tired for this. If you wanted snacks, why didn’t you just ask someone?”

“I am not allowed to leave Olympus per the terms of the treaty.” Viola reminded him. “The forest is considered part of the grounds, but that’s the end of the property line and as far as the wards extend. Since no one on this godsdamn mountain is permitted to sell me past the Ice Queen’s limit, the closer shops are in the mortal realm. And I can’t go there without violating the treaty and pissing off a lot of important people.”

Viola used air quotes for those last words. There was a tint of bitterness to her speech that warned Ares to tread carefully. For the first time, he contemplated how it must have felt to her, ripped from her home and used as a pawn in the complicated relations between the Olympians and the Fae, essentially changing hands. It was a lot of responsibility to place on a child, even one as precocious as Viola, not to mention the added strain of having to live with a mother she hardly knew anything about.

It gave a whole new meaning to her rebellious tendencies for sure.

“Alright.” Ares said slowly. “I get not wanting to mess with the treaty’s rules. But why not take the stuff from a store and leave the money in the register?”

Viola shrugged, taking another bite of gooey brownie, but there was something deceptively casual about the motion. Like she had to try to pull it off.

“It didn’t feel right, you know? That’s someone’s job. Not to mention, if Athena found out she never would have believed they didn’t just cave and sell it to me. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

“But it’s okay if you get in trouble?” Ares asked, curbing his voice into something a little more gentle.

Another one-shouldered shrug.

“I am always in trouble. If not for this then something else. I like a little variety.”

Ares took in Viola’s hunched posture, the way her fingers were wrapped protectively around the container with the brownies as though she feared he would snatch it away before she finished, and the dark circles under her eyes and realized there was more to this than a midnight craving.

“Kid, I still don’t get it. Why all the sneaking around? You could have just knocked on the front door. Dite would have fed you to her heart’s content.”

“It’s not like Athena doesn’t feed me.” Viola protested immediately, eyebrows furrowing. “Sure, she’s a little too invested in the whole protein/no carbs after three/smoothie before the gym thing, but even she understood I need my daily chocolate fix the same way she needs her tea after supper, you know? It’s just…”

Ares waited patiently as she tried to find the right words.

He already had a good enough of a clue where this was headed.

“I am on my period, okay?” Viola aggressively stuffed her mouth with chocolate marshmallow. “And it sucks because when does it not and the cramps are killing me and I want to do nothing but curl up watching Love Actually and Gone with the Wind and eat a bucket of ice cream all by myself and I just…”

She waved her free hand around, indicating at Ares’ kitchen as though he could figure out the rest on his own.

He could, actually. After all, Ares had Hera for a mother, Hebe, Eileithyia and Enyo for sisters and Aphrodite for a wife. He knew a thing or two about period stigma.

“That’s perfectly acceptable.” he said, and Viola’s head snapped in surprise as though she expected him to say something nonsensical about how gross periods were like they were in third grade.

“You can have anything you like unapologetically on your period. It’s already uncomfortable and painful, you deserve the pampering. If that means indulging in gourmet French chocolate, you do what makes you happy. Your body is doing some hard work, you can reward it with pizza or chips or whatever. And treat yourself while you’re at it.”

Viola stared at him like he had grown two heads like a Hydra. Ares raised a bushy eyebrow.

“What? I am the eldest sibling. I’ve got a mother that doesn’t take shit from anyone. I have three baby sisters that won’t settle for anything other than being treated like the princesses they literally are. My girlfriend is the literal goddess of beauty. I’ve been raised right.”

“So it seems. Kudos to you, actually. I didn’t think you had it in you. That’s a major green flag right there.” For the first time that night, the beginnings of the familiar impish smile bloomed on Viola’s lips. Ares took the win for what it was.

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t go spreading it around. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” Ares pretended to be gruff. “But seriously, if you want me to fetch you like, a heating pad or something, I got you covered. Hebe has me thoroughly trained in what painkillers do the trick. And I always get my mother ginger tea and Danish pastries.”

“The god of war is a softie and I am living for it.” Viola gushed, grey eyes sparkling in a way Athena’s rarely did.

“Eat your brownies, kid.” Ares rolled his eyes. “But I still don’t get it. Why didn’t you tell Athena you have period cravings?”

Viola’s good mood vanished. She glanced sourly at the half empty container.

“She wouldn’t understand.”

Ares blinked at that.

“She’s a woman.”

If the kid was comfortable discussing this with him, then surely she could talk about it with another adult who was literally her own mother, right?

“She’s all about self control and not giving in to our urges. She goes nuts when things don’t go according to schedule, you know? There’s no room in the Goddess of Wisdom’s Daily Plan for unwinding with romcoms and eating our weight in Rocky Road. We’re supposed to be tough and power through, which okay, I get it. I just… didn’t want her to judge me.”

Oh Athena…

Ares was going to have words with his sister (who was generally brilliant but could be such a blithering idiot sometimes) but first things first. He needed to get that dejected expression off his niece’s face.

“Listen up, kid. Taking breaks and recharging doesn’t make you any less of a badass or a strong, capable woman, okay? It’s literally what your body and mind needs to survive and keep on all the good work you’ve been doing. Now, Athena may be used to powering through anything, but even she should know you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you want to do something silly just for fun while you’re literally bleeding for four days straight, then that’s exactly what you should do.”

Viola snorted.

“Sweet of you to think it’s only four days.”

“What? You know, nevermind.” Ares shook his head. “The thing is, Athena can come across as frigid and judgmental at times, but even she wouldn’t deny you a little indulgence when you so clearly need it. She’s hardcore, but she’ll cut you some slack.”

Viola looked doubtful, which honestly made Ares want to march up to Athena’s palace despite the ungodly (no pun intended) hour and ask her what the Hades she had been doing to alienate the girl this badly.

Apparently fatherly instincts could extend to distressed kids that weren’t even his. Who knew.

“Okay, how about this? You stay over tonight, and tomorrow we all have breakfast with the little ones. Dite has this special pancake recipe that will make you see Kronos in a piece of batter. You’re going to be licking your plate clean.”

Viola’s grin returned full force.

It mustn't have been a conscious decision, but the girl leaned forward and enveloped his larger frame into a hug.

"Thanks Uncle Ares." Viola mumbled into his neck, a testament to how affected she really was.

This baby owl was going to make him soft.

Damn it.

Ares knocked once on the heavy oak doors leading to Athena's study and entered without a care in the world.

The goddess of wisdom was seated behind the ornate, claw foot desk, engrossed in some parchments filled with tiny, cursive writing in Ancient Greek.

"You do realize the whole point of knocking is to wait for a reply, right?" she asked dryly.

"I come bearing gifts." Ares said in lieu of an answer and dumped the box he was holding all over her papers.

Athena hissed in annoyance and tried to recollect them.

"Yo, pay attention." Ares snapped his thumb and forefinger inches from her face.

"What's gotten into you?" Athena asked, cheeks darkening with anger.

"You need an intervention and you need it yesterday."

As Ares relayed the facts of what had transpired the previous night, he was somewhat surprised when Athena didn't immediately start yelling in outrage.

Maybe she wasn't as hopeless at this as he thought.

"I trust you have the common sense not to rat me out. The last thing Viola needs is thinking someone else broke her trust." Ares said, looking and feeling uncharacteristically stern. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, to be honest. He had always assumed berating Athena would make him feel like the happiest god to ever grace the heavens, but now that day had finally come, all he could think about was Viola's crushed face last night in his kitchen.

Ares wasn't okay with his gloating coming at the price of a kid's comfort.

"Of course I won't tell her." Athena said like he was being an idiot and put her head in her hands. "Fates, this is such a mess. Why didn't she come to me?"

"Maybe because, and don't even think about acting shocked, people don't usually seek the comfort of those that hurt them?" Ares retorted sarcastically. "What the fuck have you been doing?"

"Nothing! I swear, I was just trying to get her to consume something that wasn't orange soda pop tarts for breakfast! The one chocolate bar per day seemed like a good compromise, and Viola even agreed to it!" Athena protested.

"Look, I get it, the kid is a handful." Ares conceded because that much was true. "You can't have her walking around either on a sugar rush or a sugar crash every day. Trying to set her nutritional habits straight isn't a bad thing. But you clearly forgot to factor in something important."

"I didn't think about it." It was a cold day in the Fields of Punishment if Athena was openly admitting that. To him! Ares wished he had a camera.

"Well, you not thinking about it got someone really hurt." Ares continued without rubbing it in her face despite the overwhelming desire to do just that.

If he didn't get the Brother of the Year award this year he was going to riot.

"I know, alright?" Athena rubbed her forehead. "I'll talk to her. Make sure she understands her period cravings are nothing to be ashamed of."

Finally they were getting somewhere.

His job almost done, Ares pointed at the box he had brought.

"What's that?"

"An olive branch." Ares thought it over for a moment and snickered. "Although this one definitely tastes better."

As Athena unwrapped the golden foil, a blue velvet box of fancy chocolate truffles was revealed. The label advertised them as beetle shaped, cranberry jam filled white and milk chocolate bites.

"You'll do better with Viola if you bring in a peace offering." Ares explained gruffly.

Athena studied him carefully.

"I can't take credit for this. It was your idea."

Ares rolled his eyes. She really was clueless, wasn't she?

"Take the damn candies and go apologize to your kid. Do something with her that doesn't involve fighting for once, okay? She's not bad once you get to know her."

Viola really wasn't. A bit intense, sure, but Ares happened to like her brand of chaos. It was about time Athena found someone her icy demeanor couldn't intimidate.

Athena looked from the beetles to him then to the beetles again as though she had been presented with a very complicated math problem.

"I am messing this up, aren't I?"

She sounded almost defeated. Ares decided there and then it wasn't a good look on her.

"You can do better." he said flatly, because he wasn't one to mince words. "You're not terrible. You clearly care about her being healthy and stuff. That's good. But having a kid is about more than just putting a roof over her head and making sure she has blankets and keeping her fed. You gotta care about her feelings. Make sure she doesn't pull stunts, yeah, but there's a difference between disciplining her and hurting her. And if you mess up, swallow your damn pride and apologize."

Athena sighed deeply.

"I wish there was a rule-book for this. Every time I feel like I am ahead of things something happens and I have to deal with yet another curve ball thrown my way. It’s exhausting."

Ares grinned.

"Congratulations. You just became a mom. It sucks deeply sometimes, but you are going to love it."

See you for next week's Episode Four: A Clash of Style

Tagging as per usual: @sarnai4, @firinnie, @greekmythstan, @angelfoxlove,

@strongest-angel-in-heaven, @mer-acle, @cloak-of-ares

#athena #ares #ares and athena #ares and aphrodite #baby owl series #episode 3 #greek mythology #greek gods and goddesses #writing #writers on tumblr #incorrect greek mythology #ao3 #cerseimikaelson

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