#i just hope its handled well
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hiii!! I really love how you think about the lore; so i wanted to know how you think the inevitable Rhine & Albedo reunion will go.? What it'll be like, the actual situation it'll happen in,, all of that!!
Since we just saw Skirk and Childe meet again and it was, interesting, to the say the least; how do you think Albedo's gonna react to seeing rhine after all this time? and vice versa!! 💜
OK HI MONARD!!!!!! <33333 OUGHHHH IM SO SO EXCITED. AND I HAVE HIGH HOPES..
albedo and rhine are so deeply interesting rn. she symbolizes both his life and death all the same so i feel like its only fitting if we see her during albedo's corruption. perhaps she returned because of the corruption? perhaps to get albedo's answer before he dies (assuming he would be fated to)? either way mixed emotions all around! i have a hard time parsing rhine which yk. makes sense seeing as we know so little of her. but i do think she cares for her creations, just maybe not in the best way possible. i think she's looking forward to albedo's answer. and i think albedo's answer would have to be best communicated through action (re: his wondering if the traveler could stop him from destroying mond). bc that martyrdom born from a love and compassion of others (something so tenderly fostered by alice and klee) would be his answer to the truth and meaning of the world. n i think that would tie in so so well w the traveler seeing as how their entire mission is made of grief and love AND its a direct change from what we would expect rhine to want (albedo going from someone purely focused on a logical and scientific answer only to find the answer is something as fluid and enigmatic as emotion..) AND it fits in w your rhine posting :3
#YAYAYYAAYAYAYAY ILYYYY <3#monard/crepe tag#asks#gi#i just hope its handled well#ideally it would come later when all of mond is released ofc#and i do really want it to have at least some major part in dragonspine#and i really think the main cast of the story has to be bedo's family (read. k.lee alice rhine and durin)#bc his entire story has always been about family and switching it would be weird#alchemages
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pin-up
b&w originals
#my art#basslinegrave art#venture bros#dr. girlfriend#dr. mrs. the monarch#the monarch#henchman 21#ok so. pin up and pinned butterflies. tell me thats not the best idea ever#did i manage to pull it off how i wanted? maaybe? i do like these but i wish i had used the same color settings for all#when using the howsitcalled. gradient map things. because they dont look as uniform#but i was lazy to redo dr mrs especially plus i like how she looks i just couldnt get monarch and 21 the same#also somehow these look better and more colorful on my pc?? usually its on my phone i dont know what happened#also i ended up adding one colored thing to each because i first colored in dr. mrs' eyes#then realized the other two dont have colored eyes but 21 has the red lenses. but monarch??#i only went over the logo on his chest a bit with a more reddish color but its not too visible so well#imagine its better and they all match properly...#hope i got the butterfly names right#those were last minute additions after i learned about the viceroy butterfly yesterday#dr mrs is a queen butterfly#ask to tag#suggestive#wanted to put that as one of the top tags but i wrote it with a typo so i hope tumblr picks it up this low#also forgor to say i put my crunch handle on these cause they were meant to go on that blog ignore that#i think i forgot to add one to monarch or i hid it that well lmao#my 2 braincells rubbed the wrong way
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suicide cw
look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.
ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.
this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.
He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!
you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.
it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions.
what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.
am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!
yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).
The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.
#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly#again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it#its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people#we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves#so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit#like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi#gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism#its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt#if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him#like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong#oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton#idk might delete this later its just. ugh...
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In theory i like the idea that rick is growing and developing as a person. In practice it ends up falling short though, because no one balances him out. rick is getting better while no one else is getting worse, and it causes the whole thing to end up feeling a bit stale. The biggest draw, at least for me, has always been rick and morty's shitty dynamic, but it barely exists anymore because rick has been so watered down.
The ideal solution is literally just to make morty into a bigger asshole. Essentially flipping the main characters' personalities would offer a wide variety of conflict into the show, and would also help keep it "fresh".
Instead it feels the writers are pretending that they can't possibly do anything with morty's character, that they have to keep him the same anxious idiot he was in season one. I've said this before, but it's incredibly frustrating to watch the show have no problem with expanding rick's character while struggling with keeping morty's heavily stagnated characterization consistent. Where rick has space to develop between multiple seasons, morty is constantly forced into one of two boxes (smart/stupid) depending on the episode.
#rick and morty#again i dont hate ricks therapy arc i just hate that morty doesnt have a parallel AntiTherapy arc#not to mention how. even if morty IS more bitter it usually only lasts for like an episode#there is no smooth progression or development. the show is just ping ponging between him being an idiot vs him being capable#this is why im sooooooososososo badly hoping the roy machine comes into play again.#otherwise this is genuinely offensive treatment of a main character#genuinely at the moment i feel like fandom understands morty better than the writers.#this is a half vent post to be honest im just so tired of the rick bias within the staff. Like make. a new show at this point#i also have thoughts on the way rick has been written these past few seasons and um .#well it feels lile fans are in the writers room and im afraid this is a negative. it sort of seems like the show is trying to-#sweep ricks past actions and behaviors under the rug#as if he isnt literally the worst person ever. up until recently i guess.#like its just frustrating seeing mortys abuse being handled so haphazardly? like the s5 2 crows episode#it just feels like the writers are trying to fill out a checklist instead of writing them as people.#“what we had was abusive dont you see?” who talks like this#okay im over it(lying)#rick sanchez#morty smith
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i think the effects stress has on a body are both unfair and wildly out of proportion and that my tummy should stop hurting, please
#been dealing with a pet who is ill and well i am not handling it very well#he has meds and its been a few days. i just hope he starts getting better soon#if i am slow to respond or have a delay in posting this is why
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Anyway
Todays episodes
Idk
I dont know what the future one was trying to tell me
But poor puppet trying to get info and everyones like WTF
like an alternate future that dosnt help at all
#are they showing what couldve happen what could happen etc idk#anyway poor sun. also HEY SOLAR??? ALRIGHT BRUH??#anyway earth talking about moon was frustrating but its not like. i dont know why#but damn being the viewer and knowing things sucks because the other character dont know osmething#but all in all earth proving that no one reading the red flags of the situation#i thought yall were exagerating but no. no. everyones convinced moons super bad and cant be forgiven#and its??? i think sun more or less understands somethings wrong but like... in a different way wntirely#i feel bad for sun for hearing all that and just 'i dont believe that'necause yeH??? thats???#that SHOULD be having everyone going Well thats WEIRD and OFF.#while hilarious that earth and ruin agreeing with moons weirdness last episode#anyway wowewo im disappointed in everyone BUt Lunar and sun#and thats cause lunar didnt say much just stares atmonty 'u talked to old moon???'#yknow like HUH YEAH OF COURSE THAT DIDNT HELP MONTY#THE MAN WAS FRAGILE ENOUGH MENTALLY AND U MADE IT WORSE BY... literally going#'we'll just get rid of u and bring the old one back'LIKE THAT WASNT A CONCERN FOR NEW MOON#i dont a want a virus moon now i want this man to be literally just be handling#earth herself doesnt have an excuse for that old moon stuff-#anyway i hopw theres resolve because actually thats wild 'well we cant forgive him-'#MAYBE??? MAYBE ACTUALLY??? FORGIVE BECAUSE YALL?? JUST.?? okay anyway ik good im fine#just baffled by how earths response was really and like i think shes processing it all but likw Damn#New Moon i hope u stay buddy#sun and moon show spoilers
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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ok horror didn't go through all the different hundreds and thousands of resets that dust (and killer) went through sure but like. he went through something id consider pretty similar???? because through 7 years there HAD to have been a plethora of humans falling down into horrortale like we can see the countless amount of people that died there in toriel's home or in blue snow or in grillby's or even just that first human that aliza hides behind when she first enters snowdin!!!!!!!
and (i dont really know where this rant is going i will not lie 💀) horror (the prick he is) has to see all these humans he has to meet them and introduce him to all of them and at what point does it just turn into routine for him?? they all just blend into one skin colored bipedal figure and the only important part of them are their insides (which i could go on and on about how gross that probably is 🙁🙁) and how them eventually all fall to their deaths
everyone in horrortale is far too gone to particularly care anyways if aliza wasn't so smart and lucky (plot armor SMH) nobody except horror and paps would probably remember her name. and horror would only remember to add a name to the list of "spices" that are in papyrus's spaghetti and then forget it all again. it's all just an endless cycle of human falls down and eventually dies. nobody in horrortale cares enough (if the human doesnt make some sort of big event happen like how aliza stood up to undyne (i doubt snowdin monsters gaf about her b4 that aside from eating her)) and in the end theyll just turn into food again and then the cycle repeats. its kinda like a reverse dusttale (❓❓❓) where instead of the monsters dying over and over to the human's hands it's humans dying over and over to horror's hands
and now that i've established that 🤓👆 time to tie the trio into this! i mean technically dusttale is a loops of both those things happening with the human killing the underground over and over and then dust killing them in the end??? so i think both dust and horror could relate to that?????
a repeated cycle of a human entering the underground and eventually dying,,,, feeling everything go back to a fixed state (literally with dust's resets and a bit more metaphorically with snowdin not caring all that much in horrortale)
having to start off disgusted with killing and then eventually learning to find enjoyment in it (likely because satisfaction of death is the only reprise from the repetitive slog and boredom that is their aus),,,,
somehow feeling guilt for everyone in their world because of what you've doomed them to by your own hands but also being over it and having grown apathetic. theyre still alive. dust sees his underground alive all the time and so does horror his underground's still (mostly) alive. but dust's underground doesnt survive longer than a few minutes now when they see eithe him or the human (so does it even count as life or is it just a barely fufilled light snuffed out) and horror practically already considers them all dead men walking and theyll all probably die one day anyway with how things are in horrortale so whats the point in even trying and doing something fufilling when everything is so so so shit??? (on dust's end this next similarity is ambiguous :3)
& also what they did to their respective papyruses and how they feel??? ik horror probably feels like shit for tricking papyrus into eating humans but he did the right thing (in his eyes. his EYE). he made the right choice to trick him even if it was bad it was the only thing he could do to help snowdin (sure as hell better than undick's choice to try and use him as cannon fodder for the core) and dust i feeeeel would have a similar thought process. papyrus shouldnt die he doesnt deserve to die but its what needs to be done. he's giving papyrus the longer end of the stick by killing him because its better than being killed by the HUMAN. he doesnt like it but he does it anyway because its what "needs" to be done!!! more similarity,,,,,,, esuaghhhh mtt parallel,,,,,,,
how many more similarities can i milk out. i dont know but anyways i doubt they'd bother talking to eachother about their feelings on this because gawddamn these guys and vulnerability!!! horror wouldn't tell a soul (especially not some freak version of him that killed everyone with some cheap excuse that it was to save them from some freaky human that dust swears he should remember but doesnt. but for the sake of this rant just pretend they dont know about eachother's lore :3) about what he did and what happened in horrortale because THATS HIS BUSINESS!!! dont stick ur head into stuff that youre not involved in PRICK he never gave permission for dust to know that
and dust wouldn't tell either because (i think!!! this part is just me fanonizing dust's reason necessary for this part of my silly horrordust rant. also obligatory "this is all my fanon interpretation of them" because i ran out of space in tags) he doesn't think horror would relate nor would be care. he's gotten too used to not telling anybody what he's doing or why or explaining himself to those he knows and loves back in dusttale so why would he even tell any of that to some random stranger with his only connection to him being that they both used to be the same person b4??
he wouldn't horror wouldn't and they both live in not so blissful ignorance about eachother and just how similar they are. or maybe they only know surface level and make up assumptions and stereotypes because they dont care enough or simply just dont have any attachment invested into eachother to want to actually think things through
TRIGLYCERCULE THIS IS TOO LONG I DIDN'T READ!!!!!! ok 🤣🤣🤣 tldr horror has many parallels and similarities with dust that would only be realized by them if they got self aware enough (which like. when is that ever happening). maybe if they cared enough and liked eachother enough they'd probably bond over their shared similarities,,,,,,,, aka by hunting down horrortale frisk
#guess what song inspired this. no need to guess it was uminaoshi by maretu#i can just imagine him saying the last chorus in the song to aliza..... getting into his feels of faint pessimistic hope of her saving them#and then he just turns around and says the probably part. to distract from the fact that he was getting into his emotions#sure you can save us. sure you'll make us happy. all because you've done nothing wrong right? probably.#ignoring the fact that the song is about a girl giving birth repeatedly with the baby dying repeatedly just so she can get it right#i think the song fits horror preeeetty well!#the coward's easy way out as an mtt fan is saying horror is different from killer and dust#but the chad alpha mtt fan would say theyre all similar to eachother#is horror REALLY that different from dust and killer??? IS HE?????? not particularly#mtt all peak because they all connect with eachother SO well TRUST TRUST#i had this thought under hrkl mentality but maybe it could apply to all of the trio but#horror and dust have killed countless humans. i probably need to touch up my smthnew lore but killer only 1 (chara)#and bc he hasnt done much in the human factor of murder he might ask hrdt about it to see what its like#and maybe imagine it was chara he was killing perchance who knows maybe he'll project their experiences onto himself#imagine all the different ways he would've killed chara if he didn't have one risky shot to end them there#and its all thanks to horrordust's insightful experiences! thanks fellas!#again this is under the assumption that killer's only killed ONE human#but (again) since hrdt are desensitized to blood and gore and guts and stuff#and killer hasnt. would he be like. gore sensitive. cannot handle the sight of human death#he can handle monster dust sure fine! can he handle seeing acids and blood and organs spill out of a body#it remind him of chara and when he killed them. it was cathartic. but also he killed THEM. it was a conflicting moment#maybe a part of him would like it maybe a part of him wouldnt. both for the same reason that it reminds him of them#that last sentence is intriguing i should ponder that more. mtt hunt down ht frisk when and how and why and what lead up to it and#this is what my horror analysis google doc looks like. disgustingly long and rambling paragraphs#tricule analysis#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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i love how star rail paints fate as not just one single End. there are countless paths towards fate, and theres multiple possible "endings", even if some are more or less likely than others because one end may have more paths that lead to it
and that defying fate isnt even on the table (currently). they work within the confines of the rules, seeing a potential "ending" they want to achieve, so they try to work with the established order to specifically land on the path that leads towards it. it doesnt paint fate as a terrible, unavoidable thing that makes you feel powerless (like genshin) but rather as fate just being the way the world works and highlighting the importance of Your Choices
maybe 99% of fates suck, but theres still the 1% that doesnt suck. although the chances of getting that are unlikely, its still technically possible. in the wise words of dr. veritas ratio himself
a possibility still exists even if it is infinitesimal, but it is Not Zero
#honkai star rail#hsr#i looooove how hsr handles fate. its so hopeful#i have like 435945 thoughts about fate and aeons and the plot. still in the process of writing a theory i have also#this is also why i love penacony So much and not just bc aventurine exists. well that too. but also because#“make the impossible possible” “make your dreams reality”-> is literally The Plot to me. the stellaron hunters Thing of guiding us#towards the most fortunate ending#it seems futile the chances may be infinitesimal but theyre still Trying to get on the 0.000000001% path towards the Best Fate#bIows kisses towards penacony#anyway so elio is an emanator of order am i right guys
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unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!
and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc
#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously#which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis#i hope that makes sense#talkys#i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why.#well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line#same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be !#the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself#and is aware of how it affected him#whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it#i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it#(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain)#people respond differently to different things and all that#also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL#also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you#dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming#curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em#FOR them. <- weirdly#idk. they're real to me.#its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay
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i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.
oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making
#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at#act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way!#act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything#act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending'#but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen#but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine#even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive#but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know?#my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good#and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage...#i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me#perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic#i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end#so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au!#i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works!#i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise#sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc.#but anyway! anyway....#i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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Veering Off Course
(2,305 words)
Gregory and his family get a call that Vanessa, whos in a different state for college, has gotten hurt. Gregory calls Evan, and Evan is able to use the things he's learned about himself since meeting Gregory to help his friend with his emotions regarding the situation.
Its early in the morning on a Saturday when Evan gets the call. It woke him up, so all he does is blink groggily and swipe at the screen blindly while propped up on his elbow until his thumb hits 'answer' on his phone. "Hello?"
"Evan." It's Gregory, and the serious tone to just that single word clears up Evan's brain as fast as lightning. He scrambles to prop himself into sitting up and rubs at his eyes with one hand.
"Gregory?" Evan asks, looking at the little icon he set for Gregory's contact of a picture of Evan and him at an amusement park. "Is everything okay?"
It takes a second for Gregory to respond, and it causes the anxiety that had steadily began to bubble inside of him to surge. "Gregory?"
"Sorry." Gregory finally answers. "I-- Uh... can you..." His friend struggles for words, and Evan tries to be as patient as possible as it becomes clearer every second something is wrong. "Can you come over? Like right now?"
Evan flounders for words for a second, but manages to force his mouth to say, "Of course."
"Okay." Gregory replies, and a surge of worry shoots through his chest when Gregory sounds like he might cry. He takes a breath on the other end, then, "Please hurry."
After that, Evan only lingers enough to respond with a short confirmation and goodbye before hanging up the phone. It takes him record time to shoot out of bed, sling on some shoes, and get down the street a few houses to Gregory's own.
His mind had played multiple awful scenarios of what terrible thing could have happened the entire time, but his worry does not ebb when he makes it to the porch and knocks on the door to a teary eyed Gregory.
Evan's immediately herded inside. Freddy has his phone in his hand pressed up against his ear, and he's pacing around the room. Aunt Chica and Aunt Roxy sit in the living room. Bonnie is sat in a dragged-over dining chair by Freddy and frowning.
It's dead silent in the house; even the TV and seemingly endless energy flowing through and causing bustling noise is snuffed out to nothing. Evan watches as everyone sits completely seriously and quiet, hands held in their lap or thrumming against something.
Impatience, is what Evan first thinks of. They're waiting for something. News, maybe? Freddy is on the phone. It's so silent you could hear a pin drop. Or somebody else's phone vibrate.
Evan's dread and anxiety only get worse when Gregory shuts the door behind him and tugs on him a bit. Evan follows without struggle, thousands of words and questions on his tongue when Gregory leads him to one of the unoccupied seats in the living room; a loveseat.
He sits down with him, and Gregory's face is scrunched up in barely restrained worry. Evan watches his friend, who's been an anchor for himself for so long, tremble and hunch in on himself. "Gregory?"
Gregory's eyes dart to him, and Evan leans down, hunching forward with his elbows rested on his thighs like theyre their own personal bubble. Evan's own brows furrow, and he feels the familiar thickness in his throat just at watching his friend be upset.
Evan grabs at his hand, squeezing it tight and lacing their fingers together. "I'm really worried, Gregory... please tell me whats wrong." Evan pleads. "Please?"
Gregory nods unsurely after a moment, and Evan watches him swallow thickly before turning to him fully. "Dad got a call from the University of Oregon today."
Evan's brows raise, but he nods to keep going. The University of Oregon is the college Gregory's sister, Vanessa, had left home to go attend. Evan hasnt gotten the chance to meet her, yet. She's already been gone two years strong, with a seemingly bright future. Evan's heard Gregory and his family talk about her enough to know her talents.
Gregory's breath hitches, and Evan wraps his other hand around Gregory's, the one he already has ahold of. He sandwiches it in-between his own and hopes it's enough comfort.
"Somebody called us and told us Vanessa got into a car crash today. On campus."
It's like a bucket of ice water is poured on Evan's head. His feet go cold, and his eyes widen to saucers. Fear shoots like an arrow through his stomach. When he stops reeling from the news, he watches Gregory begin to shake and lose the carefully gathered composure he'd put up since Evan arrived.
"They said..." Gregory's brows are furrowed so much it looks like it hurts. Theres a clench in his jaw and a wetness to his eyes Evan isnt used to. "They said she's already been taken to the hospital and is in surgery." He frowns, and theres a twist in his lip that Evan is so familiar with. "They... a-all we can do is wait. They told us they'd let us know any updates."
The house is thrown back into such jarring silence after Gregory stops talking that Evan's ears start ringing. Which makes it clear as day when Gregory's breath turns harsh beside him.
Evan tears his eyes away from the floor and ignores the twisting feeling in his chest to look at his friend. He has his face buried in the hand that isnt held by Evan and is shaking in a way where you can tell theyre trying so hard to keep it together. Gregory's angled away from him, but Evan can see the panic on his face even from where he can see.
Evan's breath hitches, and the thickness in his throat begins to turn into burning as he scootches closer to Gregory on the couch and sets a hand on his shoulder. He tugs a bit until Gregory gets the message and let's him wrap his arms around his middle and hold him close.
Gregory makes some sort of horrible, upsetting hitching noise that causes the dam to break for Evan, before he sort of flops against him and brings up his own arms to clutch at his T-Shirt. Gregory's head thumps against his shoulder, and it's one of the only times Evan really becomes aware of the height he has on his friend.
"Its okay..." Evan says into Gregory's shoulder, because it's all he knows to do in the moment. He glances around and sees that Gregory's family has shifted to the dining room, leaving them alone. Evan finally feels the tears slip from his eyes as he presses closer, hugging him like his life depends on it. "Its okay, Gregory. It'll be okay."
"It's--" Gregory says, and Evan can hear how much his voice shakes with barely contained tears. "Its not. I can't-- We can't even go see her. We can't go and wait for her to wake up, or anything... we just have to--" He cuts himself off, and Evan feels Gregory shake harshly against him.
"We just have to sit here." Gregory says, voice thick. "I dont know what to do, Evan. I don't know what to do."
And its only that sentence that causes Evan to grapple at what to do, if his friend can't. And all he can think about is how himself would react if it were Gregory getting hurt.
All he'd be able to do is cry, he realizes. He wouldnt be able to do anything. Just wait and be scared.
But that's what Gregory is getting at, isnt he? He can't do anything. That's the thing. Evan has known Gregory long enough to get him. To know, him. Evan knows that Gregory doesnt sit around and cry like Evan does. He prefers to get up and do something about whatevers wrong.
Hes a problem solver instead of waiting around. A fighter instead of a crier. No wonder hes so bent out of shape about this. To have a loved one in danger, and when you're so used to getting up and making a plan to fix a problem and are forced to sit in standby...
Evan eases them down against the cushion of the couch, not once untangling themselves from eachother. Gregory shakes, but he does not cry. "So what would you do if you could?"
The hair from Gregory's bangs brushes against Gregory's neck as he moves his head. "I'd... I don't know. I'd at least try to get to her." Gregory says, voice unbelievably quiet. "At least get to her. Then figure it out from there. Just so I'm not waiting on phone calls."
Evan nods against him, his chin scrunching up Gregory's hair. His tears have long since stopped falling, but he knows he has dry tracks on his cheeks. "You have a plan."
Gregory makes some sort of noise that would sound like a snort in any other circumstances. "I would if I could." Gregory replies, squeezing his arms a bit tighter. "But I cant" He sighs, shuddering and heavy. "I just have to wait."
Evan hums. "You're worried, and you're stressed." He makes the same noise Gregory just did. "I know how you feel... I really do. Maybe not your exact situation, but... I get what it's like to feel helpless." He says. "You know what I would do?"
Gregory hums this time, questionative. Evan rubs circles into his back. "I'd sit there and wait, and wish for it to different. And when it wouldnt be, I'd cry."
Gregorys head shifts against that crook between Evan's chin and chest, almost like hes trying to look him in the eye but the hug prevents him from being able.
"All I ever did was cry." Evan says when Gregory doesnt respond. "Its the only thing that I could do to cope."
"...So..." Gregory asks, and his voice is thick again. "You mean..."
"You're stressed." Evan answers. "You're stressed and you're worried. So... why dont you let it out?"
Evan, out of anyone, knows how valuable emotions can be. He didnt, once upon a time. When everyone would just tell him how annoying it is. How useless it is. How he's asking for it. How he should have toughened up by now. When instead of comfort, he'd receive ridicule and prodding.
That's changed. Ever since a certain someone entered his life. He doesn't think of his emotions, himself so little anymore. So worthless. So maybe that's why Gregory perks up ever so slightly in understanding.
And that's all it takes.
Gregory's trembling turns into shoulder shaking sobs like the snap of a finger. He cries, open and unadulterated, and Evan just hugs him close and rubs his back, offering reassurances like Gregory has done for him so many times.
His own eyes burn when his best friends sobs are heard so openly and he can feel every shudder of his body. Evan's chin scrunches, and the tears fall right along with Gregory as Evan hugs him close, tucking his face into his hair.
"Im--" Gregory cries. "I-Im just so worried about her."
"I know." Evan responds, his own voice breaking as he pets Gregory's hair. His shirt is damp with tears but he doesnt care. "Itll be okay. It'll all be okay."
They stay like that for a while, and Evan can tell Gregory needs it. He needs it. The worry he felt that morning doesnt ever really leave, and it stays ever-present as Evan watches his friend fall apart. They stay stuck together like magnets, eventually only shoulder to shoulder with linked hands on the loveseat, and none of Gregory's family try to peel them apart when they eventually wander back into the living room.
They stay in a state of constant agonizing limbo all day. At 8:00pm, Freddy calls it a night. Gregory protests immediately, but Aunt Roxy calms him down almost seamlessly and convinces him to go to bed.
Of course, Evan follows him. He cant imagine a world where he doesnt. The air mattress stays deflated in Gregory's closet as it has been most of the time nowadays. All Evan has to do is kick his shoes off since he left home in his pajamas anyway and they're wrapped around eachother, tucked in Gregory's bed under his comforter in the dark.
Gregory is silent all throughout the night, even though Evan knows he's awake. Evan just hopes that... he did the right thing. Something knows is that suppressing how you feel isnt good. It never works. No matter how much you want it to.
Gregory taught him that. He just wants to return the favor. Not because he owes Gregory, no. Gregory has long since hammered it into Evan's thick skull that he has nothing to pay him back for. That his kindness is not a deed to Evan, but rather that Evan himself deserves to be treated kindly.
Gregory does, too. Evan knows this with all his heart. Gregory is his best friend and has done more for him than anyone else ever has.
Evan... all Evan did was change. Change for the better. And hopefully he helped the most important person in his life with the things he learned. The things that person taught him.
He hugs Gregory's middle a little tighter, not daring to break the silence. Gregory needs time, but doesn't want to be alone. Evan understands. He does. He just hopes to convey what he truly feels through the one action.
Thank you. I'm here for you. I'll always be here. You're my best friend. I'm so glad you trust me. I trust you as well. So much.
Gregory himself wraps his arms tighter around Evan in turn, and Evan feels like the single movement lso has a deeper meaning he cant read.
They dont speak. They just lay in silence until eventually they fall asleep, stuck together like two puzzle pieces.
ao3 link
#this oneshot is mostly just to focus more on gregorys character and how i imagine him (not headcanon#his actual canon character) to handle problems.#ive always seen gregory as instead of letting fear/emotions take over#he pushes past to get a task done/fix whatevers wrong. so i wanted to translate that into the flashlight duo universe with the emotional/pr#especially because of how important emotions are to evans growth and how gregory is the reason for that growth#and i also just wanted to finally write a bit of evan helping gregory since ive written so much vice versa.#i needed something for gregory to be super worried over and well. this universe is already family centric. poor vanessa.#its a normal ass world okay theres not much i can do#vanessa is okay btw.#the next day theyre supposed to get news about surgery and recovery and plan to go on a road trip to oregon to see her while she recovers#(i actually already wrote some of it but cut it out because i didnt like where it was going.#just veered (ha) too far away from the core of the fic)#so you can imagine that happening.#anyways hope you enjoyed! still need a better idea to showcase evan helping gregory but i think this is okay for now.#i have some other plans for this duo (as always) having to do with love languages so im excited about that.#lets see how long itll take me to actually write it lol#pandas writes#my fics#flashlight duo#flashlight duo oneshots#gregory#evan#the fazbears#oneshot#kinda feel like this is cringe#but whatever im cringe and im free two cakes etc#not my favorite work ive done but whatever#its okay
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eye doctor was trying not to scare me today bc i have a sight threatening condition 🥲 it's probably treatable but i need to go to a specialist
#havent been to the eye doctor in six years but i was like okay i need to update my prescription my headaches are getting really bad#and my prescription barely changed so the doctor said it wasnt that#also this other condition doesn't cause headaches either so treating it wont even help :(#tho it does make me light sensitive which is a trigger ao maybe it will help a little i hope#but mostly i hope its treatable#also i have no health insurance so hopefully its not expensive lol#but at least the job search is going well so maybe i can handle the treatment myself#but since i will go blind if its untreated my parents will definitely cover it if i cant i just feel bad#they paid for my appt to get the new prescription today too but that wasn't very much i didn't even get the new glasses#but seeing a cornea specialist regularly to treat a scary condition is going to be expensive 😭#i dont even know how expensive yet tho#maybe i should make a gofundme or something#this has been a shitpost#im not 100% sure my parentsncan afford it if its expensive#probably depends how far its progressing and how fast andnwhat the cause is and a million other things#but i know it can be difficult and resist treatment 😰#and its not early for catching it at all
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you could make an analysis of how immortality has effected bbh's character (very lonely, needs others) and foolish's character (laissez faire, very aware of what is going on)
#qsmp#badboyhalo#foolish gamers#one of them death himself. the other resurrection personified#we know foosh is just a totem as if now <-- could mean anything so far. if prev lore was thrown out (i hope it isnt!)#if Qfoosh isnt immortal.... I may riot#qfoolish handles loneliness FAR better than qbbh and its very obvious.#foosh handles veges absence very well (meta:he doesn't want him to be pressured) vs bbh giving the silent treatment to dapper + pomme#for 5 min#steadfastness vs immediate mental spiral
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