#i just have these weird moments when im in a museum or when im looking at Wikipedia

[skitskatdacat63]

The true old man fucker behavior is simping over historical figures

[moviecritc]

Hi I don't know if you write about Charles and Alexandra, but what about something based in obsessed by olivia rodrigo, in a more sapphic way, maybe reader and alex can make out or something. also if you can mix it with smau would be super cool 💕

obsessed ⋆ charles leclerc, alexandra saint mleux

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader (various fc) x alexandra saint mleux

warnings: some bad words for the three of them (it was for the sake of the plot, nothing to harsh)

a/n: i made her a singer to add more drama. also i loooved this idea, i've been wanting to write something like this so much, thanks for requesting it <33

Remember that requests are open 💕💕

masterlist | wattpad | letterboxd

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yourusername some visuals from the Paris music video 💜🩷💙

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user1 i felt so seen in the first verses of the song, i'm also a sucker for gossip

charlesleclerc 💜😍

user2 so dry

user3 what is someone so cool like yn dating someone so boring and simple like charles

user4 graduated in cuntology with a master in slayfication and cum laude in mother is mothering 101

sabrinacarpenter princess of glittery gel pen songs 💜💜💜💜

user5 IM SO IN LOVE

user5 that i might stop breathing

user6 yn using paris as a joke bc charles is monegasque is beyond cuteness

user7 GOALS.

user8 imagine having YN LN as a gf and NOT POSTING HER leclerc you better watch out

user9 it's giving taylor and joe

user10 THE HEARTSSS never beating bi allegations

When Y/N saw the Instagram notification, curiosity got the better of her. Just curiosity. She and Charles had been dating for almost six months, and this was the girl he had been with before her, so she simply wanted to know who she was. She scrolled through her posts, seeing the life she had after breaking up with Charles; she worked at a museum in Monaco and at the same time was an influencer.

Looking at her photos, she realized she was very beautiful. Very, very beautiful. Her hair was healthy, long, and a gorgeous dark brown, her body was perfect, the clothes fit her great, and she had a very sweet voice. She wondered why Charles had ended things with Alexandra.

Then, as she scrolled through her highlighted stories, she accidentally liked one. Y/N immediately threw her phone down. "Shit," she said, grimacing. "Shit, shit, shit." She picked up the phone again and saw the red heart on a photo of Alexandra in a bikini with a beautiful sunset in the background. Y/N stared at the photo for a moment and then removed the like.

She ran her hands over her face, feeling like an idiot. Alexandra would still see the notification, then she would see that Y/N had removed the like, and she would probably think she was weird. Or worse, she could message Charles, asking what his girlfriend was doing stalking her profile.

Charles was at the Grand Prix of Canada at that moment, she was in Monaco. The time difference was huge, and she wasn't going to bother him with this nonsense. So she decided to message Alexandra directly.

Y/N couldn't stop thinking about Alexandra for the rest of the day. She found herself a couple of times staring at her pictures, she knew that Alex lived in Monaco and that they could bump into each other anytime. That idea felt amazing. She seemed like a gorgeous person, and the little chit chat they had felt really comfortable, even when Alex was her boyfriend's ex.

Y/N didn't mention any of this to Charles, he probably just make a big deal of it and they would have a discussion. And she was too lazy to think about arguments.

So she wrote a song. For the nexts days she focused on the lyrics and when Y/N handed the papers to her producer, they loved it. As soon as they could they recorded the song.

When Charles came back from the race, he found Y/N staying after midnight in the studio so she could finish the song. And he didn't complaint, because he really thought the song was about him.

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yourusername 'obsessed' is now yours, with the mv starring @alexademie 🍒🍸💎

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alexademie so proud of this project 🤧💙

sabrinacarpenter MISS? i was not expecting this at all and it was so so good 😩😩

gracieabrams QUEEN. in capitals and screaming.

chappelroan so cunty, so hot, so sapphic.

laufey ok now IM obsessed with YOU.

She didn't even think it was a bad idea until she saw her. They had decided to meet at a private club in Monaco; Alex wore a black satin dress that fit her extremely well, with her hair loose as she had seen so often in photos and a sparkling gaze. Y/N felt stupid for only wearing a white top and jeans.

"You showed up," Alexandra said with a smirk.

"You thought I wouldn't come?" she asked, matching her expression. Alexandra lowered her head, saying nothing and tucking her hair behind her ear. Y/N went to the bar and ordered a round of shots, although she didn't need to get drunk to do what she was about to do.

She drank one and then watched as Alexandra imitated her.

"Where did you leave Charles?" Alexandra asked, pulling her to a sofa area. The club wasn't very crowded, but more people would start arriving soon.

Y/N clicked her tongue. "Charles is the last person I want to talk about right now, honestly."

"You're right," Alexandra agreed as she nodded. "Let's talk about the song, then."

Y/N looked at her with a silly smile, trying very hard not to feel embarrassed. Although she knew she had nothing to be embarrassed about, she could see from Alex's expression that she had liked the song.

"What did you think?" she asked, sipping her cocktail.

"I loved it. I never thought someone would write songs about me," she lowered her gaze a little and then Y/N noticed how she had the tip of her heel circling around her foot.

"Did Charles ever dedicate any of his piano songs to you?" Y/N asked, furrowing her brow a little.

"Charles never even dedicated time to me," Alexandra looked away a bit.

Y/N nodded, perfectly understanding what Alexandra was talking about. Charles was too focused on his career, and unless you asked him, he could completely ignore you for weeks or change plans you had been planning for months because he had to train. That was the kind of person Charles was. At first, it had been a dream, accompanying him to his races and spending time with him, but when you scheduled a tour to be able to attend most of his races and he didn't show up at almost any of your concerts… It affected you.

"Men," Y/N said simply, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly! They're unbelievable, in the worst sense of the word," Alex spoke, slightly laughing.

They fell silent for a few moments, not breaking eye contact. The music had been turned up, and they were bathed in purple and green lights, moving around the room. Alexandra almost glowed for Y/N's eyes; under that lighting, everything seemed unreal. She leaned toward her, but didn't make the final move, wanting Alex to take that step.

Alexandra smiled mischievously and pressed their lips together. It was a calm kiss, not too long but their lips touched enough to explore them calmly, and for Y/N to remember the slight scent of red licorice from Alex's cologne.

As they separated, Alexandra got as close as possible to Y/N, resting her head on her shoulder. "Are you drunk?" Y/N questioned, fearing for a moment that it was all an act of alcohol.

"No," she denied vehemently.

Y/N didn't think much more about it, discreetly grabbed her phone to text Charles that it was best for them to end their relationship. She and Alexandra kissed a couple more times that night.

Five months later

alexandrasaintmleux just posted a story!

[caption 1: opening night 🍒 @yourusername] [caption 2: best view 💖]

[triplefrontierbabe]

Daniel Ricciardo smau

pairing: f!reader x Daniel Ricciardo

warnings: use of yn (sorry), suggestive themes, alternate universe, depictions of smoking

disclaimer: photos from Pinterest and/or Instagram, I take no credit for the photos

yourusername

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yourusername visited the ratatouille cinematic universe 🐀🇫🇷

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lilymhe so cool they made a whole city based on a movie 😍

↳ danielricciardo don’t feed her delusions plz 😩

haileesteinfeld baby’s first Parisian cigarette 🥹

↳ yourusername and my last 😵‍💫

dr3fan omg I knew yn was my fave wag for a reason

f1wagupdates the harry styles pic is so hilarious lmfao

danielricciardo are you a tower? cause Eiffel for you :)

↳landonorris Danny Ric pickup line domination could bore fans

↳ yourusername lmao bye

danielricciardo

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danielricciardo city of love with my love

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yourusername wearing enchante like you know how to speak French 🙄

↳ danielricciardo weird way to say i love you but okay

honeybadgerfan ugh when will it be my turn 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

landonorris bros either got massive hands or that’s just a really tiny cup

↳ danielricciardo you know which one 😉

↳ yourusername in front of my espresso?!😦

joshallenqb bring back Ricallen some LV swag 🙏

↳ danielricciardo bringing Allen some LV swag too

charles_leclerc la vie en rose!

↳ danielricciardo idk what that means

alex_albon how much did she pay you to go to the museum with her 🤣

↳ yourusername it took copious amounts of pain au chocolat

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yourusername I said “I want to go to the spa” but Danny heard “I want to go to Spa” 🧖‍♀️🏎️🇧🇪🧇

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francisca.cgomes this has also happened to me😔🤚

↳ yourusername I think we owe ourselves a spa day with massages and manicures 🙂‍↕️

danielricciardo okay so I missed the “the” 🙄🙄

danielricciardo also the spa doesn’t have waffles but Spa does so I think that’s what counts

maxverstappen1 Daniel’s an old man, you can’t always count on him hearing things correctly

↳ danielricciardo did the bottle of wine mean nothing to you?!?!

f1waggossip of course she would complain about being at a race

↳ dricdefender girl take a joke

danielricciardo

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danielricciardo great weekend in Spa. Got some points and waffles 😋🧇🇧🇪🏎️

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maxverstappen1 cheeeeeers 🍷🚁

↳ danielricciardo cheeeeeeeers

yourusername GIRL. GET UP.

↳ landonorris he’s so down

↳ danielricciardo IM UP

↳ yourusername yeah in a helicopter with max

visacashapprb we love weekends that result in Doints

↳ f1fan omg vcarb admin is on it

dannyriclover he’s so hot in that first pic 🤤

↳dannyfearic yn is so lucky

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yourusername summer break getaway in Austin 🧡🤠🌅 (last pic is Danny mansplaining waterfalls to me </3)

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landonorris at least it wasn’t maxplaining

↳ yourusername a win is a win

↳ maxverstappen1 I’m hurt 😞

↳ danielricciardo it’s okay hun she didn’t mean it

↳ yourusername you do know I can see your comments 🤨

lilymhe little cutie cowgirl

↳ yourusername omg I miss you so much😭😭😩😩

tatemcrae my queeeen

↳ yourusername MY queeeen

danielricciardo she doesn’t skip glutes day 🙏🍑 (I’m looking respectfully)

↳ yourusername I’m gonna have to fact check that

gossipf1wags wait I love this aesthetic

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danielricciardo couldn’t wait till October to be back in Austin 🤘🤠🌻

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yourusername I need a moment

↳ maxverstappen1 me too

↳ yourusername 👉🚪

dannysnumber1fan thank you yn for the last pic we all say in unison

visacashapprb likely place for the Honey Badger to be 🍯🦡

georgerussell63 lad’s coming for my brand 😂

↳ danielricciardo I learn from the best 🤣

oscarpiastri thanks for the reminder that I should work on evening out my tan

beatsbydre not pictured: Ricallen gallivanting in the distance 🐎⚡️

joshallenqb yeehaw

↳ danielricciardo we should get another horse

↳ haileesteinfeld NO

↳ yourusername what she said ^^

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Click here to view my Masterlist

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smau taglist: @bernelflo @ifyouaintfirstyourelastt

inbox me to be put on my tag list for 1) smau 2) text au or 3) all f1 & Indycar works

[silliestlittledemon]

can i get cg! aziraphale & crowley hcs with young kiddo! age[d]re reader insert? /nf 💫tiny ruby

Crowley and Aziraphale caregiver headcanons!

Hey! Ofcourse you can!:3 I hope you like these! Also im very little and veryyyy tired at the moment, so sorry if any of this is worded or spelled weird :3

• When you tell them you're an age regressor, Aziraphale immediately asked if you wanted them to take care of you.

• Aziraphale already knew what age regression meant when you explained it to him, he's a smart angel. Crowley didn’t know but he could get a grasp on the concept and would try very hard for you to understand it.

• Literally always there for you when you need it. They're always able to make time free when it comes to you.

Random headcanons ✨️

• They would 'co-parent' you very well, Aziraphale can't handle running after a very hyper little you all day? Crowley would gladly! Crowley unable to read a single word from the book you asked him to read? Aziraphale's here for that! :3

• Crowley insists on dressing you. He claims Aziraphale makes you look too 'boring'. And Crowley makes you look 'the coolest!'. :3

• Crowley needs to keep scolding Aziraphale for spoiling you... don't go hard on the angel he cant help it.

• Aziraphale enjoys teaching you educational things when you're little, like colors, shapes amd numbers! :D Crowley likes to teach you how to commit tax fraud.

• Both are so so so very protective of you. They definitely give scary 'dads' privileges.

• Crowley's favorite nickname for you is 'His little angel', Aziraphale's favorite nickname for you is 'His little demon'. <3

• Aziraphale has to lock away all the sweets from you AND Crowley. Just because he knows Crowley would give in and let you have all the sweets you want the second you give him a puppy eyed look.

Thats all! Can I hear a wahoo? 😎 Im sorry I had to say it I love Crowley way too much. Yay im back! Sorry for not posting for a few days but I went on a really fun school trip to Amsterdam last friday and just needed a bit of recover time from that! :) But yeah it was really fun though! We visited the NEMO science museum and I got to play with water all day :3 Okay my little rant is over, night night everyone 😇🍎🐍

Any k!nk or f3t!sh content DNI!!!

[beesmygod]

What are some of your favorite pieces of art/ art that has made you think a lot?

this is such a cheesy cop-out answer, but there's a lot of things that im going to struggle remembering because of 1. how situational the experience was (as in, the context in which i experienced the piece) 2. how wide the word "art piece" is. 3. the great fortune to have been born to parents with strong artistic sensibilities and a love of travel/education. so these are like. really weird and specific but maybe thats the way it should be:

let's start with the most overly dramatic: st. paul's cathedral in london has guided tours where they take you into rooms and let you mill around before moving to the next one. my family took a trip overseas as a really, really big special vacation to celebrate my sister and i graduating from high school (we're not twins, we just combo'd it after she graduated) that i was too brain-broken and teenage to fully appreciate. its a beautiful cathedral but i was in my edgy internet atheist stage and refused to be impressed by it until i stood over a grate in the floor. through the grates you can see the crypt that you visit next. but standing over the grate, someone below started to sing something hymnal and very catholic. and i realized i was the only one who could hear it because of the crowd chatter. and it made me feel, in the moment, so special and so lonely in a way that i still think about, a lot. it was for me only. divine providence.

a date with adam to a place i had no idea existed but he had been to before: the bad art museum, which is split over like 3 different buildings in a bizarre way. we only went to the one where you have to buy a ticket to a movie as entry and it was some truly lovely bad art and made me sad how inaccessible it was but resolute about my love of the nuances of uncelebrated anti-art masterpieces. then we watched "assassination nation" and it was fucking terrible. great date.

reading the theory regarding the "venus of willendorf" being a self portrait as a 20-something year old and running into the bathroom to take my clothes off and look down at myself and having my mind blown. not just by how much i instantly understood it, but because of the tugging feeling on my heart when i feel that strand of history connecting women artists driven by that unknown compulsion to create for creations sake!

similarly, seeing artemisia gentileschi's work next to her fathers and realizing how much she outclassed him in every single way and feeling the tugging feeling again, but this time with a dark woe of realization of how history minimizes achievement and talent when it eases a narrative

reading jane erye's descriptions of herself and her approaches to her plights and for the first time feeling like someone had walked a path that i currently found myself lost on.

reading 1984 as a middle schooler and becoming so angry at the ending i threw the book across the room (something i had never done before and never did again in my life) and stormed out of my room to complain to my mom lol. IT REALLY UPSET ME!!!

reading les miserables for the first time and weeping piteously for days after the ending and having it impact my brain so hard it re-wired how i think about the concept of "legacy" and what it means to matter in the world and how love is nothing without the courage to stand up for it. and that mercy should, and will, always supersede unwavering justice (hard lesson to remember, maybe im due for a re-read)

sneaking into my parents room to read the books i wasnt supposed to yet as a really little kid lol. my mom used to get "dykes to watch out for" in a newsletter she was subscribed to! but i didnt read those bc they were dumb relationship comics for grown-ups. i wanted to read about opus the penguin and lee iacocca, as if i knew who that was. my mother's comic collection was the single most influential constant in my life. knowing that i was exposed to bill watterson's commentary about his own work via the big collections my mom owned probably explains a lot about what's wrong with me. but she also had a lot of berke breathed before he fully wussed out

the general experience of playing a video game that you arent supposed to/when you arent supposed to is probably one of the most freeing means of meaningless rebellion as a kid that everyone should experience. i used to be up playing pokemon past my bedtime under my covers with a huge heavy rubber flashlight i stole from the kitchen and had to replace every morning without getting caught once i was done with it. god, the days before backlit screens we had to get really fucking wild with it. in high school i would wake up at 5:00am, sneak into the computer room where the ps2 was and play an hour of FFX bc its the longest fucking non-persona game in the world, stop playing before my mom woke up at 6:00am and sneak back into bed. if i hit a part where i couldnt save i would just turn the screen off and come back to it tomorrow lol. secrets......

reading the "pictures for sad children" arc about paul, who is a ghost, finally losing it and going on a rant about how it has never mattered how thin a computer screen is. they were right and reading it helped me articulate and understand a growing feeling of restless frustration at the world around me that i felt singular and alone in. im glad that last i heard that artist is doing ok. i hope they recognize the incredible value in their work as imperfect as they perceived it to be. i do not think they would be happy to know that their old work was impactful, but i hope they realize that what people are able to tease out of their work is meaningful, at least to me it is. ill transcribe the comic rather than repost it i think: paul [while smashing electronics]: "have i told you about [bam] how nerds destroy the world take conspicuous consumption as a lifestyle choice and combine it with early hardware adoption and you have great swaths of gadgetry out of stock because they're incrementally better than the last model and there are landfills full of functioning electronics wasted time, resources, money, etc. the best part is that these things were never necessary it has never mattered how thing a computer is." [smash]

this is too long. i like art.

[stellernorth]

[dashboard simulator of a world without the ghostfacers effect where the true supernatural show is perceived]

🫀waityourrturn Follow

spot the difference stick figure violence and samruby moments

(1 note)

🟪 sparklezzstiel Follow

if i was the mall cop who got kid sam in trouble for stealing nail polish i would have instead helped him steal more nail polish. also i wouldn’t be a cop

(184 notes)

🧪dogsogdog4 Follow

hey i’m finally watched lazarus rising and i cannot see anything when “castiel” enters its just fully white and the static noise is kind of painful tbh lol. is this a my computer problem or what

(7 notes)

🎉 rowenapublicindecancy Follow

(52 notes)

🫐 numberfff000 Follow

you all aren’t taking like medical advice from supernatural right??? the medical advice that has resulted in canonically [checks notes] one (1) instance of blindness due to ingesting rubbing alcohol, two (2) toe amputations and one (1) case of SEPSIS?!

🎪 kevinscriminalrecord Follow

no we aren’t doing that

🌠 mixtapesextape Follow

Sounds like someone hasn't heard about the kitchen accident diy stitches girl from LiveJournal. So weird that the fandom today doesn't know about her, back in the day it was everywhere.

🎪 kevinscriminalrecord Follow

huh???

🧔‍♀️ heritagepostsof-spn Follow

Heritage Post.

(1943 notes)

🥬 fishhooklove Follow

day 1 of asking john winchester to put his cigs out on me

🤟hannahgirl Follow

could you stop

🥬 fishhooklove Follow

oh here come the buzzkills. i bet you thought it was hot when bela did it to dean. but i’m not allowed to express my interests i guess.

(218 notes)

⛸️ mangojuicecas Follow

Um Guys i had this guy i’m seeing over and we were taking. about watching a movie. and. im the most embarrassed i’ve ever been i can barely type this. and i opened my computer and clicked to the netflix tab. and it was paused mid crypt scene blowjob kill meeeee 😭😭😭

🩶 charlierowena2024 Follow

why would you ever stop halfway through. that's like looking at half of starry night then closing your eyes and leaving the museum

(78 notes)

🧑🏻‍🦳s6monster Follow

Uquiz - Which Supernatural scars are you?

I GOT RUBY’S ARM SCARS WAAAH

(3 notes)

👩‍🦰 cleopatralumineersrowena Follow

depeche mode master and servant spn bdsm and fight scene compilation amv we're really in it now

#using lyrics as censor bars is the innovation of the century

(59 notes)

🌂 kansaslawrence Follow

for everyone who said dean slamming his hand in the impala door when he was drunk wouldn't do that to his fingernails i did a similar thing (accidentally, before the show aired) #deancoded loll and it looked basically the same. here are pics of my and his hands afterwards side by side for reference

(482 notes)

🍄 0nth3h34d0f4p1n Follow

Another reason samruby is queercoded is how her spitting blood into his mouth parallels the champagne scene in my beautiful laundrette

(38 notes)

🎃 sammmyspooks Follow

2.16 "this disease pumping through my veins and i can't rip it out or scrub it clean--i've tried; i'm a whole new level of freak" and 8.21 "you used to read to me when i was little i mean really little" etc we all remember sir galahad speech. sooooo how young do you think sam was when he first tried

(739 notes)

��� ccoldfridge Follow

just remembered how dean tried his best to ask cas to take a female vessel so they could fuck heterosexually in ftbyam and i nearly passed out in the post office . castielllllll he was saying he wanted to fuck youuu

(63 notes)

🤵 a1waysenduphere Follow

comparing the endverse sam arc to the classic structure of a shakespearean tragedy

part 1: aloneness and exposition

keep reading

(382 notes)

👩 isolationnatural Follow

the way people #coquette #lanadelrey #femaleangst -ify claire's s12 shoplifting eating disorder getting into fights self medicating situation is so so weird and fucked up. we saw stanford era dean do literally exactly all the same shit but with him it's ohhh classic beautiful americana what a tragic figure i understand his emotions have depth and complexity THEY DID ALL THE SAME STUFF maybe think about why you see the situations differently

(294 notes)

🔵 butchruby4femanna Follow

why did i have to see dean naked that many times. just wondering again

(2 notes)

⚡ cassandrasam Follow

ok spn 5x20. so sam's kissing the demon possessing brady out of nostalgia and grief for his dead boyfriend, the demon's kissing back because he knows it will make sam more likely to listen to him, imagine if dean had walked in in that moment

❗greendean Follow

or crowley

(158 notes)

🍇 notgoodnatural Follow

hey everyone. wjsh i could have seen dean naked more times.

(10 notes)

[all-yn-oween]

No way, it’s already 20th of April again! To celebrate Louis’ birthday again, let me show you this comic I just finished for one of my classes…. 👀 The theme was “Write a story that takes place in a Parisian Museum, in 4 pages…”

[Carnavalet Museum, 1913. 11:35pm]

Gustave: First night as a Night Guard…

Gustave: Goddamn Im so bored.

Gustave: Wait a minute.. who is this guy?

Gustave: Is he the owner of the place? Another guard? I’ll better introduce myself…

Gustave: Wait a second… if he is the owner, why is he running away??

Gustave: Uhm… are you okay?

Louis: Ha.. ha… yes.. yes thank you! Louis, My name is Louis.

Gustave: Gustave Bréant. Nice to meet you.

Gustave: You know… I never would’ve thought that I’d save someone from chocking on a petal during my first shift.

Louis: Ha ha! Cant help it! Those are the tastiest flowers of all Paris!!

Gustave: Well.. but it’s still a museum here…

Louis: Speaking of that— now that we introduced ourselves, what do you think about a nightly visit?

Gustave: … Lets go!

Gustave : I’ve never been passionate about art.

Gustave: But with this guy… I’m surprised to actually enjoy visiting the Museum.

Gustave: How does a single person can brighten a moment that much?

Gustave: ….. Shit… I really fell for him.

Gustave: I even start to see him in the paintings now?!?— wait… is he eating flowers in there as well??

Louis: You’re making a weird face, what are you looking at?

Louis: Eh!! Those two look kinda similar to us, right?

Gustave: Wait… so you see them as well? I’m not going crazy?

Louis: I do! We look cute, painted like that! And who knows? Maybe it was our fate to meet.

Louis: Maybe we even met before!!

[…]

Louis: So you have the right to leave your job place like that? Arent you supposed to guard it?

Gustave: I cant, no.. but what a shitty job anyway

Louis: I’m not complaining! Who needs a job when youre in good company?

Gustave: … You’re paying bills and food with love ? Oh, speaking of food, do you want to go grab sometimes to eat.

Gustave: Maybe there are still open restaurants at that time.

Louis: There it goes, you can’t live without me anymore!!!

Gustave: Well, I found you, I’m not letting you go now. …. So, about the restaurant?

Louis: I’m in! Do you think they serve flowers?

Gustave: Louis… Can’t you eat something other than flowers???

Louis: Let’s say I’ll make an effort for you. Alright! Let’s go find a nice place!

[The End? :}….]

—

here it was :D It was fun to do, laborious, but fun!! 🥹 I’ve told myself that if I have more than 18/20 as a mark on the project, I do more parts of their story… So who knows? Might as well see more of them in the 1910’s soon….

[booiiee]

Brooklyn Baby

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter- 3

MINORS DNI!!!!

You’ve had your share of dates, some good ones too, like that time this boy in college took you to see the northern lights- in a museum obviously and that one weird guy who took you to this restaurant with a complicated name that has the best wine you’ve ever had, none of those relationships lasted (fortunately?), but seeing a live band? For a first date? Very little possibility of anything going wrong really.

D- He is adorable but he is so stupid I’m sorry

R- Don’t say that! He is so cute

D- …..and dumb. Who takes someone on a first date at a noisy place like seeing a band? What was his other option? The Movies??

R- Dee….

D- No I’m just saying how are you guys supposed to get to know each other if you cannot hear yourself think!

But anyway, please wear white, you’ll look like a sexy swan, even better if he plays it safe and shows up in a black tux, you guys would look like you’re at your wedding reception

R- OKAYYY slow down, it’s a date, a first date

D- First of manyyyy

Now show me your final look

*You stand in front of mirror and flip the camera to show your final look to your ever so eager friend*

D- HOT HOT OHHH he is gonna dieeee

SEE WHAT DID I SAY THIS DRESS WAS MADE FOR YOUU

**Please picture this in white

**Hyunjae calling**

H- Hey, I’m outside your building.

You look out your window and as Hj’s searching eyes find you, you step away from the window.

R- I’ll be down in a second.

HJ's outfit

He’s dressed like a dream and Dee would have a field trip the moment she finds out you guys were coincidentally twinning, GOD he looks dreamy in white!

He hands you a rather big bouquet of flowers with a note that says “Don’t breathe if you’re allergic to pollen!” you laugh and say “I am not”

H- Well someone’s dressed to kill

R- And yet here you are, alive and well

Hand to heart he goes “Barely, Rose, Barely”

R- You don’t look so bad yourself

Funny how we’re accidentally twinning

He leans closer to your face making you lean on the car as he says in a hoarse voice “What if I was watching you and planned my outfit accordingly?”

R- The chances of both of us being a serial killer are zero so, no.

H- OKAY I LOST, let’s not have this roleplay EVER

He opens up the car door and like a boy from a fiction book, puts his hand over your head as you sit inside.

H- I did not know what flowers you like so that’s why the bouquet is a little messy, next time I’ll get you the ones you like

R- I like most flowers, peonies are my favourite and I know you’d think ‘d say rose cause im named after then but they’re not really my favourite you know and-

WAIT how do you know there would be a next time?

H- You did say yes to this date and I am going to make sure this date doesnt suck so fingers crossed

OMG DID HE JUST ACTUALLY CROSS HIS FINGERS?

H- umm yeah?

R- did i say that out loud?

H- So you DO always make sentences in your head before speaking them to me!

R- How far is this place? And what band is it?????

H- We have actually arrived.

When someone asks you out to see a band you expect a cafe or a bar with loud music and a lot of people, like any normal person. Turns out, by band he meant a private band that’s going to play music whilst you dine ON A FUCKING YACHT!!! You guys sit down as the band plays a rendition of a song you fail to remember.

H- Did i leave you speechless or do you absolutely hate this place?

R- umm so when you said we were going to see a live band, this isn’t what i was expecting. Its a little….grand. It’s crazy Expensive!!

H- Oh of course, I had to make a good first date for you, I want many moree

CUTE

H- THANK YOU!

GOD I NEED TO STOP TALKING TO MYSELF

The date went really good. You were comfortable with each other all the while having the romantic feeling of the date, later in the evening he even asked for a little dance and OH did you fall for him again. One date became 3, his contact on your phone changed from Hyunjaei to J with a heart. It wasn’t until the third date- a movie night at his apartment- that you kissed and it was unlike any kiss you’ve ever had. The atmosphere was CALLING for you to kiss, hell you would've kissed him on the yacht 3 weeks ago but he didn’t initiate but now that he had, there was no way you would back down.

Your first kiss with Jae also became the second, third and fourth and it could’ve become so much more if his neighbour had not decided it was the perfect time to come knocking on his door.You were prepared for him to either ask you to leave or sit in an awkward silence the rest of the evening, in your experience that’s how guys reacted after an interrupted makeout session. Hyunjae, however, made sure to cuddle you on the couch and talked to you the rest of the evening and if he stole a kiss or two in between, you weren’t the one to complain.

Two months into your relationship Hyunjae had dropped the L word and you wasted no time to tell him you felt the same- he was still never finding out he was your bias, you are taking that to your grave, or so you thought. Dee was meeting Hyunjae for the first time in the 2 months you’ve been dating, blame it on her “I wanna see him treat you good first” attitude- she was lying, she loved him way before you actually dated. She knew everything except the part where he still did not know he was your bias and you used to stay up late reading fanfictions about him. So when she went back home and texted you “why did he seem so surprised when I mentioned your stan account? Does he not know you were a popular hyunjae author?”

GIRL WTF!!!

H- Soooo when you said you did not hate me, did you forget to add the part where you were head over heels in love with me Miss Hyunjaescurlsdaily???

R- OH MY GODD I HATE YOU BOTHHH!!!

You throw the cushion at him and try to run in annoyance without remembering he’s twice your size and faster. He pulls you onto him as you both fall on the couch and for the first time all evening you realise just how many buttons he’s got unopened.

H- You can ogle all day but I am still gonna talk you you about your fan account.

R- I AM NOT TELLING YOUU

H- Yes you will. Now be a good girl and tell mee

In all honesty he said it jokingly but the way you reacted to that name changed the tone of his voice immediately.

H- oh, is it something you like hearing me say? Hmm love, tell me, what else do you like hearing from me?

The context of the conversation is long forgotten as his hands slide down your waist onto your thighs GOD WHY IS YOUR DRESS SO SHORT? And before you can process anything he’s now flipped the position with you under him, one hand on your thigh the other holding your neck gently, slowly moving up to your lips.

H- tell me rose, what do i do in those stories you stayed up all night reading?

Hmm? Was it something like this? *a peck*

Or perhaps this? *a kiss to your jaw*

Tell me, love. He asks as he softly bites at the base of your neck, making you sigh- only fueling his actions cause now his other hand is travelling up and up and all the way to somewhere too hot for the couch in your hallway.

R- Jae please. You half whine half sigh

H- Please what love? You wanna tell me something? His kisses on your neck dont stop. His hands now circling around your breasts, everywhere but where you needed.

R- Touch me.

H- I am touching you. His hands are now caressing your neck all the way to your cleavage and stopping just before your breasts.

R- You know what I mean. THIS IS TOO MUCH and not enough at the same time

H- I really *a bite at your left collarbone* really *and the other side* don’t *one just above your breasts*

R- oh god- you moan loud

H- Don’t think about god right now, love. I want to hear my name. He says as his hand travels south and cups you over your not so fancy underwear.

R- hyunjae! You moan loud sending him crazy as he other hand *finally* takes a handful of your breast over your dress.

H- If you want me to stop just say the word my rose, I will stop right now.

R- No, no please. I want this.

He cuts you in between as he jumps to kiss you hungrily. You’ve had some intense kisses with hyunjae but none of them were like this. He was kissing you like he wanted to show you how much he needed you, which wasn’t something you needed to be told, his bulge was obvious and obviously big.

You don’t remember when he threw your clothes off of you but the moment he took off his shirt you really felt as if you were seeing it in slow motion. He visibly shivers when your hands meet his chest and you moan when his fingers make you aware of your own wetness.

H- I want you. Do you want this?

R- I do. I want you.

You realise you’ve been taken to your bedroom when your back touches the soft sheets. Jae kisses you once before getting down himself. His gaze makes me shy as you try and hide your most private parts of yourself from you.

“Don’t take away my privilege of seeing you, my love” he says as he pulls your legs apart and attaches his lips to your thigh.

His kisses grow hungrier as he goes down and down until he reaches your very core. This can’t be- He won’t go down on you, right? Guys hate-

R- OH GOD

You yell as he licks you down there, holy shit what was that feeling?!

H- I told you love, don’t think about god, let me hear you scream my name. He says as he really gets to work

R- oh hyunjae fuck !!

The smile on his face was devious as he watched you come. He got down from the bed and started to unbutton his jeans and WOW you underestimated his size and wow you said wow out loud. He smirks and laughs a little hearing you say wow which, even in this situation made you want to squish his face, HIS LAUGH IS EVERYTHING!!!

He made sure he prepped you well but eve he knew it wasn’t gonna be enough cause the moment he entered you he really felt like he could come then and there.

H- oh fuck you’re taking me so well, my love, mine

Fuck you’re just so perfect for me

He kept groaning and praising you as he put those dancer hips to use and soon you both forgot count of how many times you screamed his name in pleasure. He held on to your breasts like it was the only way to keep himself sane, like you were laced with some aphrodisiac, and you kept pulling him closer, wanting him to lose himself in you.

The morning after was far from peaceful as you both wanted a repeat of the night before so if Eric’s knocking at your door screaming his name at 12 PM, it really brings you both to reality and against your wish, away from each other physically.

E- I don’t even wanna know why you have got so many marks on your body when you have a schedule today but JESUS CHRIST she looks like she was hunted by an animal!

And oh my god doc, are you blushing at that?!

H- Eric, get out.

E- So you can have a round 2 and be late?

H- It would actually be round 4

E- OH MY GOD!! I am outta here! Meet me downstairs in 5 minutes. FIVE!

With a pout on his face, which you did kiss away 5 times, Hyunjae leaves for his schedule and you prepare yourself for all that Dee’s going to say when she sees those marks on you.

Days turned to weeks and soon hyunjae and you shifted to an apartment together. There were days where paps would follow him around but nothing he couldn’t fool himself out of. 10 months later you’d find yourself not getting a call or a text on your birthday but before you can throw yourself on your couch and sob your way into the next day, you come home to decorations and hyunjae, your hyunjae, on his knee- a blue box in his hand as he says, “Sorry I didn’t wish you at midnight, I was getting the correct blue box for you this time around.”

THE RING

You said yes- a sobbing mess- and as your friends and family emerged from the background you complained to Dee that she let you get proposed in such a basic outfit. Hyunjae said “you look ravishing” so that made you feel better, and the HUGE ring on your finger, obviously.

D- You know this ring looks so familiar to the one y/n gets in- you stop her mid sentence before Hyunjae could hear

R- I WILL COMMIT ARSON RN SHUT UP

D- You do know he’s read your fics right?

H- Now she does

You turn as you hear Hyunjae answer Dee

R- Oh my god i am so embarrassed right now

H- Aww babe don’t be. It wasn’t anything you haven't told me before. Although that thing y/n does we should try that toni-

D- Eww you guys are too comfortable around me!

You both laugh as Daisy leave with a disgusted face, joining Eric who by the looks of it must’ve guessed the reason.

R- I really love you, you know that right?

H- I do, and I love you.

ALTHOUGH, I would love if you do that thing that y/n does.

R- DON’T!

fin.

hope you like it @un-love 💞

[angelfaggotgirlmess]

sunday, 10/27/24, 11:19 pm

i have this issue where i think everything i think needs to be consumed so im making a public journal because i guess im just insane. i buy into the idea of dramaturgy and i feel like if everything i do at all times isnt a performance ill fall over and die and turn into ash and dust and god will snort me and say that im cut with flour.

i think what i long for more than anything is stability

im in a body thats constantly changing in conflicting ways taking pills that make my brain change in fucked up insane ways and my body change slower than id really care for with a grandmother who cant make up her mind on if she loves me or not with a self image that i hope eventually changes for the better and i have a boyfriend who is sometimes my boyfriend sometimes my girlfriend sometimes my husband sometimes a stranger sometimes a regular friend and sometimes just a person and thats ok too and sometimes i realize thats ok but sometimes i cant make my mind up on how im supposed to feel about it. most of the time i feel baseline pretty bad. not because of that but just in general i do think im a pretty miserable person. maybe just miserable to be around, not for sure yet.

i need to start hanging out with different people. im sober and thats cool but im also young and dumb and hopefully one day ill be hot and i really want to try drugs. i get that thats the allure or whatever but i read trans girl suicide museum recently and i really really want ketamine. i would like to be out of this body for a little bit and feel like a beautiful tranny girl angel and not just a weird looking faggot. 

im pretty sure i have a lot of people in my head too. i try to ignore them as best as i can. 

i think i lie a lot. i dont do it on purpose (at least i dont think so) and i dont do it to him because i think i realize that would make me a shitty person (not that im a bastion of goodness as is) but a lot of times i feel myself sort of… passively fibbing. i guess it was a holdover from elementary school where id do some weird shit because im autistic and then id have to lie to justify it. i guess i never stopped being 8 years old, at heart. sometimes i tell stories and i cant tell if theyre true or not, which i guess is just how memory works considering everything gets twisted when you remember it and my life is living memories on repeat.

i wonder if bug was as bad as i say they were or if im just exaggerating.

i think its ok to long for stability but i think i have to get used to never having it ever. i think everything will probably always be like it is for as long as im around here. sometimes in those moments where this thought bares down on me with the weight of the world i wonder if my brains being spattered on a wall would really be too different from how disorganized my thoughts usually are. i dont think thats the type of thing you write about in a blog people will read though

i hope the sun explodes when i wake up.

[lost-in-interwebs]

NOT to be weird but i found your take on fallout 4 so interesting as someone who is also from MA. when i played thru it initially on release i was all jazzed about it for that exact reason, but over time/the years ive grown bitter about fo4 because i feel like it failed to capture the culture/charm of MA outside of some set dressing (even then, i felt like they often didnt capture the "look" of MA very well if that makes sense). ANWAY didnt mean to dump this as a weird confession, im genuinely curious to hear abt ur thoughts as someone also from MA who played through fo4 if u dont mind me asking.. what helped amplify the experience for you?

Oh my god I felt the same god damn way. Over the years the charm is gone. It's all set dressing. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE CLAM CHOWDER. There are no rabbits. Maine gets rabbits but we don't get rabbits???

For me, it was just personal memories. The Swan Pond was just devastating. As a child my mother took me out in the swan boats and I dropped my favorite Dumbo toy in the water and was bereft. The entire boat stopped to help me get it back before it was submerged in the deep. We have pictures of that day. Kilmore Square is really important to me because I used to go into the old Church on Newbury Street to work with a professional choir in the summer. And it also led to the Women's Mental Health facility I spent time at when I was suicidal. Seeing super mutants take over that familiar road and raiders sitting pretty in Hangman's Alley just broke my heart. That road is familiar. Malden Catholic was one of my school's rivals in basketball. Seeing the Boston Children's Science Museum empty and in a little building was infruriating. There is no Boston Aquarium. And I get it, even Emil jokes in the text that there just wasn't enough space to fit it all.... but no Make Way for Ducklings? No Blueberries for Sal moment in Far Harbor? Come on Emil, you lived here. Breath some fucking life and character into this place. We have the second largest Chinatown behind New York. My father used to buy me ceramic chopsticks and fans and silk pajamas. I loved Chinatown and it isnt there. I live near Salem so seeing the Witch museum was wild especially after living in my first apartment alone down the street from it. But it's all submerged. Beverly is gone. Salem is gone. There's nothing there. And that'd my home home that's the Northshore that's my home. And there's nothing...

Real tangible memories I can return to as I please but they are ruins in this game. It's so much easier for me to roleplay as a Pre War mother who grew up in Boston only to live to see it fall.

I had to ride the blue line, the one where you find Nick Valentine, for my first job interview. The game is haunted by ghosts to me. But it's my ghost. Also I had to contend with the fact that everyone I love would have been dead in 200 years. My mom, my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, enemies. Only I remain to tell their stories. AND I WISH YOU COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THAT. That's tangible.

Fallout 4 is so close and yet so distant. I feel like in order to truly be there you have to be able to smell how bad that ocean water must smell. You gotta feel the slime on the rocks as you climb up out of the ocean. You need to feel the barnacles scrape against your knees. You gotta taste the salt of the water before it turns sweet on your tongue. But you can't get that in a video game. You have to live it.

Also the addiction... Addiction is so prevalent here in Mass. There's not a soul I don't know that wasn't effected by the opioid crisis. And they treated it soooooooo vaguely. It's empty. And the jab at AA and personal therapy was so.... mean spirited as an addict myself.

Also our entire fishing culture is just.... gone. No mention no game mechanic to do it. Save that all for Maine. Which is fucking bogus. Also the voices.... the voices and the accents. Some you can tell are acted. Some feel real enough. I wish they would got some fucking guys off the street to voice a few NPCs. ALSO LYNN???? You didn't do anything with "Lynn Lynn the city of sin you won't come out the way you came in"??? It's fucking perfect. There could have been something with that. Maybe something like Evergreen Mills but functional and cooler. idk these are such insane ramblings and if you can glean any answers from this take it.

[autisticarach]

Since Miguel is both Mexican AND Irish I just imagine Moche, Asa, and Hobie telling him how he should free his mind from European colonization and to remember what the Spanish and British took from him and how they treated the Irish

Constantly plotting on how he should be Radicalized and Decolonized

Meanwhile Miguel is looking at them like 'do we have to do this every Tuesday'

Moche learns that the city is called NUEVA York and she's like 'what the hell' and Asa is like 'I know right'.

In her world Mexico was never colonized. Spain actually isn't that powerful of a country (you know, not having all the stolen shit).

There it's called Mexica and they speak Nahuatl and a couple others. So the first time he's like 'I'm Mexican' Moche is like okay cool understood - from Mexica. But then he's like 'from Mexico' and she's like ??????? what are you talking about ???

Then he starts speaking SPANISH.

Moche just coming up to Asa and very confused just utters the word 'Spanish?'

But I love the idea of Moche taking Asa to Mexica because the political relations between them and Tawanti is really really good. And they can go to museums from Moche's world and take the kids too to show them all the culture and food 😭😭😭 IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG

I want to start this out with a little personal note. I’m chicano or mexican american and asa result i don’t know what my culture actually is because of the assimilation that my family underwent in order to protect themselves so the idea of miguel getting to unlearn what he thought was his culture (cough spain cough) is so precious to me actually.

I want to start out with Asa learning about Mexica, because when I tell you that he cries with joy, he sobs his eyes out, these heaving sobs of pure joy, that there’s somewhere that his culture wasn’t taken, that he lives somewhere happily and fully along with his people. Moche. is very concerned but she patiently holds Asa through it, and tells her joyful stories of visiting mexica and it’s thriving culture.

As for Miguel, this would have to happen pre-chase because after-chase Asa will not go anywhere near Miguel for a long time.

Anywho, Asa is all for telling Miguel that he needs to find himself in his culture became he genuinely thinks that it will make miguel calmer, and happier. Connecting to one’s culture makes for a happier person and Asa absolutely believes in that for himself and for Miguel. He and Hobie are bothering miguel about it like every tuesday and do not let up. Moche thinks that it;s the best thing ever and fucking adores Asa for making sure that her partner knows his culture.

(Hobie is here for the vibes)

When Moche invites Asa to her world, Asa is absolutely honored, and wears all of his best clothes for it, and even goes as far to dress up the kids and make sure that everyone is in thier best traditional clothes.

The braids are immaculate and honestly a little gravity defying but Asa does follow Chaos so weird stuff like that happens. Asa is enamores by everything and buys so much for his home that everyone else is like ‘are they okay?’ and moche just has to assure them that Asa is having a moment^tm

[autumnfangirler]

i keep on making new sidesteps, which is fun and all but its really difficult to keep track of all of them and figure out all of their characters 💀

It doesnt help that i play favourites either LMFAO

HOWEVER. ive been stuck in philippines with very shitty/no wifi so i got plenty of time to think about them and i think ive finally gotten a semi-solid handle on cecilia so!! it is time to inflict her on the world

ive mentioned her before but cecilia rider, in all her herbo glory, truly is the ideal of fuck around and find out. she has the highest daring out of my steps and is reckless in ways that give all my other steps heart attacks. and like ive said before, cecilia is not the type of person to regret her actions, past and present. she will keep moving forward even when it hurts. nothing demonstrates that more than her relationship with the other rangers

cecilia is a hunger scar step, and by god does she hunger. she craves human connection, to have a relationship and feel loved again. the only thing that kept her from walking to the front door of HQ after her second escape was her work as a villain– she didnt want to be distracted, not when it was something she looked forward to for years.

her first reaction to meeting ortega again was excitement. she was so happy to see him, her best friend of years, and once upon a time one of her only connections to the outside world. The old jokes, banter, smiles and hugs was something she didnt even know she wanted, but when she got it again she was desperate for more. she couldnt live without it. after that, she cared so much and so recklessly, with no concern over what would happen if she did

after ortega, she ended up befriending herald (though that rooftop kidnapping was rough, she got pissed and ended up punching him djsjjdjs). it was really smooth, actually– cecilia is just a nice person, very bubbly and kind, and she loves being around herald, his thoughts made her feel warm and cared for (even if, in her eyes, he only cared for sidestep, not cecilia). plus, shes a lupin thief. i can imagine herald and cecilia discussing and debating art with eachother in their downtime. it makes me SO sad that you can only hang out w one ranger in checkpoint 4, even if it makes sense, because i think cecilia would totally go out with him for dinner for the free food and then waylay him with an "actually, im a lesbian who's going for your ex girlfriend" when he asks her on a proper date. in my heart this and the hangout with argent happened. I accept nothing else. Anyway those two are bffs and cecilia would beat the shit out of anyone who hurts him(except herself, because she did end up beating him to high hell at the museum. sorry danny lmfao)

cecilia ended up befriending chen next. actually, she never really wanted to be friends with him. she was perfectly content leaving him as the one ranger she hated. but, well, he has a dog, so she couldnt really stay mad at him, could she?

Bless spoon for all his hard work, because cecilia wouldve never interacted with chen civilly otherwise. she discovered that she actually liked walking with chen, as weird as that was, since hes at least less of a dick now. she went to walk spoon after therapy(sorry ortega) and was pleasantly surprised to find that chens quiet, more contemplative nature did well to calm her, especially since shes just a rowdy person in general. when she found out chen was gay and jealous of her, though,,,,, well, all i can say is rip chen because cecilia would never let him live that one down. i can imagine she teases him mercilessly about getting him and ortega together. chen will never know a moments peace again

and then there is, of course, argent. cecilia didnt care much for her during rebirth, up until the gala fight, where they fought eachother for the first time. she fought her fairly in the sewers and ended up enjoying it, even though argent stole her cape. from that point on, she looked forward to their fights just as much as argent did. in the bridge, she was very pleased to know that the flirting was reciprocated, and that kiss as she was very probably about to die did wonders for her heart rate. same with getting choked in the HQ. she had ample time to stop argent before it happened btw, she was just curious and then faced the consequences of her own actions lmfao

all that said, most of it was just cecilia finding her hot. she didnt really start being drawn to argent until the casino. the regenerator was the first time cecilia saw real desperation in her, a want that made her think, for once, maybe somebody could understand her. that somebody could relate to the constant feeling of need gnawing away at her. and of course, because this is cecilia, she made the most drastic decision she could think of to confirm it– she took her chances and revealed her tattoos, and herself, to argent. she had no qualms taking the subsequent consequences, and was very happy to know that the worst she suffered was a swollen lip(one that shed use to torment ortega later on anyway)

i cant explain it very well but argent and cecilia make me so jdjjjdjkkkkdj yk. theyre so similar. theyre both so stubborn, moving on from things without a second glance, because if they didnt theyd drown in it. they dont regret (most) of their actions. and most importantly to me, they can become very soft when it comes to the people they care about. cecilia is more open about it since she has more people she trusts with that part of herself, and she extends that to argent. sure she loves to flirt and tease, but shes unabashedly honest when it comes to what she feels. she accepts most things that comes her way, and the things she doesnt she isnt afraid to speak her mind about. and maybe thats what gets her on argents couch, stealing chocolate eclairs from eachother and watching sappy 70s movies. either way, shes quite happy with where she ended up.

or, shes happy at least until the crash. her canon run is a revealed ending. all of the relationships that shes built over the past few months? gone, just like that. everything shes ever wanted, everything she got, was stripped away from her a second time, which was Not fun for her hunger scar ass. she has no idea what she'll do, and shes terrified of the farm coming to take her in. for once, she regrets everything, all her actions leading up to this moment. but what can she do? theres nothing left for her, and once the farm gets her, theres going to be less than nothing.

argent saving her is probably the best thing that ever happened to her. both because she wont have to go back to the farm, and also because its a quiet confirmation that she hasnt lost everything. That she still had people she could trust. everyone else would be a long and difficult task of mending and rebuilding. but then again, when has she ever shyed away from the long and the difficult?

doing the hard thing has always been what she does best

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: The Van Gogh Job

Well i read the name of the episode and my dutch bones cringe in advance at the butchering of Vincents' name that i just know is imminent. (yes i know that the soft G does not occur in American English, or regular English. Doesnt mean that hearing Ven-Go doesnt hurt my soul)

---

So guy has a Van Gogh painting Hidden somewhere (Spoiler: Its probably in the Wurlitzer) Team Leverage tries to find it. Bit weird that this episode starts with him sending Hardison and Parker ahead. (in that he's sending them to be a combination bodyguard and trust-getters, those are Hitter and Grifter roles.)

That would work with my theory re:Nate getting his affairs in order. But im also getting my first direct evidence against it. Nate explicitly telling Elliot not to learn about technology "that will never happen". Because, if he were wanting to get the 3 to cover eachother properly... He'd want Elliot to learn Hacker stuff.

---

Elliot shows up pretending to be a gas inspector, only to run into a Mold Inspector... Honestly i dont know if the "someone else is using an inspector guise" thing is as funny as the idea of Elliot literally running into an actual health inspector would be.

---

Oh a Parker and Hardison self-insert imagination sequence? Delightfull.

---

Oh Elliot, just the thin moment of hope on his face that maybe, somehow this paper scroll in the ladies hands is gonna be the actual Van Gogh they are looking for. Lovely little moment. Its apreciated.

--- Sherrif Nate! --- Even in a WWII flashback, Elliot cant stop de-ammunitioning guns. --- Look im gonna say it, yes the segregation era star-crossed romance is effective. Its also not something i havent seen before. And I also think im too much of a mayo-man to say I can analyse it in a meaningfull degree, so im gonna just say its a nice story and good enough to disctract me from the name-butchering and move on to the obvious.

Its obviously in the Wurlitzer, they'll donate the thing, tell the news the art was in the Wurlitzer which means that now the Rollerrink has historic significance as "the place where the priceless Van Gogh Self-portrait was recovered after it was lost in the war", Rink gets monument status and is thus legally protected and the Van Gogh ends in a museum.

---

Oh our Client is betraying us... What a shock. (no legitmately, he's enough of a Little Grey Man type that i actually forgot he existed. Good play on the writers casting someone so forgettable... and once more that's a legitimate compliment to the actor, its just hard to make it sound like one.)

Elliot's little "clink" and smile when he's finished unconcious-ing the goons is delightfull. Like this is a guy who thinks "if only every object i bludgeon with made music". Thats the face of a guy who is about to buy one of those rain-tubes for percussive purposes.

lovely little moment of Nate humanising the episodes traitor-client with the "thats why you loved it" bit. He's pitifull, not evil.

Bedside denouement, romantic yadayada about Dorothy's Loyalties.

And of course the final lesson "dont waste time". (im gonna be honest, its a bit "magical black guy" to have the guys entire purpose in the story be to tell the white character to get her act together romantically... But then again I'm too eggshell-skinned to really comment in depth myself, but it feels unfair not to at least mention that we've got a black character whose only narrative purpose is literally to espouse wisdom on the white character. But also the story needs a wrap up, every story about historic wrongdoings needs a "dont let your generation repeat histories mistakes"-message and having the lesson be given to emotionally struggling Parker makes more narrative sense then giving it to Hardison, the guy who's got a pretty good deal on his own feelings...)

In final summary, lovely episode. Too historically and racially charged for someone as cloud-coloured as myself to really say much more about without getting torn apart for "stealing minority voices" so im Shutting Up Now.

[am-i-sans]

dnd adventures 31

cam returns from eeby deeby and lands on undyne! they apologize for landing on her and fall to the ground. undyne tells them to scram cause she wants to be alone. cam heads back to the shop.

frog is still resting on dans. suzy is still crabby. cam tells us what happaned. frog says they should go have fun. frog goes to a random person and asks if theres anything fun around here.

they dont know they just got here, why is that building destroyed? frog tells them about the zombies lol. shes like 'really? where did they come from?' cam says it was a necromancer. 'well thats a bother.' dans is still zoned out. cam tries to think of what to do.

she calls herself annika crow and walks off ok cool. museum? dinosaurs cool! dans is still zoned in the shoe shop oh no they just left him. the kids are in the dino petting zoo. frog can talk to the dinos! tori also talks to them lol. one if the dinos preens cam.

undyne cools off and now is lost again dammit. she got a crit she finds the dinos! meanwhile dans was wandering the city in a daze. a guy runs up to him. he looks like a normal guy but somethings off. he hands dans something and then leaves. dans checks for anything sus. its a brown package and has a weird staticy magical energy he hasnt felt before.

dans opens it. theres a foldable wooden board and an envelope with no signature. in the envelope is a jack of clubs! with a weird shine.

its dess why?! dans reads a letter inside, their instructions. typewriter? 'unfold the board on a flat surface, put the card face up' dans looks around then finds a spot to put the board down. the card turns black! dess pops up out of nowhere?! 'oh im back here. hi.' dans is fucking flabbergasted. 'did you hop out of the card or something?' 'yeah kinda thats employee storage.' 'does that...hurt? are you conscious?' 'nah the last thing i saw i fell to the ground so i guess i was put away.' 'so no eeby deeby?' '...what?' 'did you get your egg?' 'no. i think? now when i got put in the card.'

dans blinks a bunch then slowly tells dess what they missed. 'thats a lot of stuff. sorry im out of it.' dans says to find the others and get them some food. dess tells him to keep the board and stuff and into the bag it goes. we find the dinos!

undyne looks at the dinos and says cool your here and dinos are here nice. she just needed a moment to cool down. she asks if they let you fight dinos here. cam says she isnt allowed to fight dinos cause she would kill them immediately. 'id only knock them out!' tori offers to be a dino if needed. frog is stoked their mom can be a dino lol. tori says she feels smart when she talks to undyne lol.

attika speaks up and asks how you can be a dinosaur? undyne starts asking if she can turn into various plants and her lol. shes now a 9 ft tall undyne lol. now 11ft sksksk. now she picks up undyne lol. cam says she could pick up undyne oh no. dans and dess walks in as undyne is taking off her armor lol.

'uhhh dess is back did we...miss something?' undyne says whats going on and dans gives cam a sly look. oh no undyne is gonna run at her. tori waves at dans as she shrinks to normal. CAM FUCKING DID IT THEY CAUGHT UNDYNE LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!! they forget cam is a fighter lol. 'its not the size' says dess lol. frog tosses confetti hehehe. tori is mildly shocked. undyne tells cam to yeet her at suzy. 'dont break her undyne' undyne crushes suzy oh no lol. suzy cant even shove her off. she finally gets her off and kicks her.

now undyne asks tori oh no. she sighs and agrees. yes she caught her! annika speaks up and says they should stop cause this is a museum. dans is just smiling fondly at them. oh no. undyne. no. nonono. oh no. 'do you wanna be the reason god says yes?' tori throws her at dans oh god. HE GOT A FUCKING CRIT! hes just like how did this happen? she reaches down and fucking picks him up shes pumped now lol. then she puts her armor back on.

so whats the plan? that artifact right. undyne finally notices dess lol. dans says dess teleported in but we assume its weird eeby deeby shit. dans is fucking attuned to dess's board so shes stuck with him wtf. hes gonna be horrifed when he realizes lol.

annika perks up and asks about the artifact. cam asks if she studies magical items. she says magic in general, recently graduated. undyne shows her and annika asks to come along cause she might know of it. undyne tells her its dangerous and some of us have even died and she cant guarantee her safety. also we have a curse where we get stuck lol. annika says shes been in danger before so its fine. undyne calls dibs on the artifact but says she can come.

time to get on soupnik! annika is surprised to see them and undyne explains its her spiritual summon. tori asks if shes sure she wants to stick with us. shes studying soupnik now lol. frog actually introduces themself and blobbo to annika.

tori asks what field she was in. evocation. hmm. vani crawls forward and curls up against annika. we eventually land cause its dark and they need to rest. dans is making dinner. were in a swamp gross. vani is chasing a frog. not our frog like the animal. tori argues with undyne that no she cant magic the water away. undyne asks dans whats for din-din. dans is still kinda out of it and says its sliders.

frog is playing with blobbo who is now splashing around in the swamp lol. so is suzy lol. annika is reading after failing to help with the fire. dans told the local bugs to fuck off lol. tori for fun casts detect magic. she senses something weird in dans backpack hmmm. but she doesnt bring it up cause he IS a warlock.

suzy calls out to cam and throws a mudball at them! cam screeches and ducks under the log after it hits lol. undyne laughs and chokes a bit. cam yells that their shirt is ruined but dans yells they have magic for that. cam yells about the mental toll. dans tells them to throw back but cam says they dont like to get dirty. 'your already dirty.' 'fuck off.' suzy grabs cam and drags them into the swamp. undyne sighs and goes after them and picks them up.

suzy keeps trying to drag them into the swamp. undyne just picks her up too lol. suzy is just feral i swear. undyne offers to play in the mud if she lets go. now its on! cam goes and clings to dans and he sighs and uses presti. cam says they have something to tell dans. its a jar full of those feathers they pulled off of themselves. they say dans has no hair. cam wanted to braid them into his hair but the beard will do.

cam says its a social thing. if your close to someone you give them a feather. an old legend said the feather let the other person have influence over them. cam is a halfling but growing those feathers was so exciting. why is everyone giving dans influence over them lately lol. its to establish a connection aww they wanna share with everyone. dans gets misty eyed and says he would like that very much. cam combs through it and braids a feather into it.

cam looks at undyne and says she needs presti before getting a feather. undyne is too busy wrestling in the mud to notice lol. time to brain tori! then frog! frog gives cam a cool rock.

undyne finally wins and their both exhausted. dans cleans her off with presti, the most useful skill.

moss had to go so we had to stop.

[noodlemethis]

Trying not to be embarrassed Bout writing / alt title: reconnecting with myself

It's an early winter , sunny , cool afternoon. It seems magical as the yellow-gold leaves flutter to the ground and the sun rays stream in through the leaves. The crushing of feet through the fallen leaves is so comforting. I guess ASMR, fashion, colour theory, mental health tricks all originated from our bodies existing with nature.

Today Iv been thinking about community and friendship. It's something I need in a new place, to explore it. Exploring alone is weird and hard. But also exploring with others (thinking about my past meetup events) can feel embarrassing post facto for me. I'm not sure why. It's like, if I make a connection and I really like those people, but then I don't follow up with them or I have no intention of meeting them again, I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I want to begin to feel okay with connecting to people once and then moving on.

______.-------.______.------.________.------.______

I am watching people play basketball with a couple friends, and thinking, wow I wish I could ask if I can join in. These two sweet hijabi girls were playing and I felt so comfortable watching them , and wanted to join in. I thought about how that's impossible, such an embarrassing faux pas, no way anyone does that. Then I thought about how children do that all the time- how that's exactly the way I met and made friends with the people who remain my closest loved ones. One day maybe I will try and ask if I can join. I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable ever. And I am so afraid and distrusting of anyone who might ask me to join in my fun, so, I can't allow anyone else to feel that distrust. It would be so unfair of me. (Beat). But maybe one day I'll try it. It seems fun and it seems like there are ways to show people im safe without endangering them. (Imagine) "Ya'll seem like you're having fun! I don't mean to intrude but I was wondering if I could play with ya'll for just 5 mins. Feel free to say no though, no pressure at all."

Im smiling watching someone else, a stranger on his own, stand in front and watch the group of boys currently playing. Just like me, he watches from afar. He's even got his phone out to take photos. And I'm thinking to myself "oh I hope he asks if he can join in". I'm rooting for him. How ironic 💗

Why do I hate feeling embarrassed so much? I did let myself ask questions about jobs at the museum earlier even though I was worried. Yet... I'm still embarrassed after the fact. I may not even write to them at all, as a result. Even though I did the task, I still need to work at completing the application in moments like these.

---...---...---

I have also been thinking about how I'm not as calm and sensible around romantic rships as I think I am sometimes. And that's not an insult, even though part of me wants it to be/ wants to react to that as if reacting to an insult. I am so concerned about safety, and about locking down an option. I'm not letting myself be free and comfortable in my skin when it comes to partners. Id like to accept when others are not right for me. I'd like to accept when I'm trying too hard to make things happen. I'd like to give physical intimacy a try. But I'd also like to do it on my terms. Fear of being SA-ed is so real. I don't want fear to be how I interact with potential partners, industry connections, family, the world, myself. It's odd to try to be congruent when it comes to this.

---...---...---

For a while I haven't trusted myself. I was thinking about how I often read that as "I can't do xyz" or "I'm too triggered" or "there's no hope". Or that I can't be near my family or accept their help.

(Side note is it fair to have hope while accepting that a Failure is a failure ? Something about looking at the dormant winter trees while seeing autumn leaves still swirl around them and giving the grey some colour. )

I have a lot of thoughts. It's nice to sit in them and write them down. I'm happy to post despite my embarrassment

~~~

I'm not just a trauma ridden person. And despite my trauma, I can face challenges, I can do things. I think I have forgotten that I need to repeat this to myself and remind myself this regularly. I believe that I've been acting as though my feelings of fear and discomfort are undeniable truths for why I should not do things. In reality all I need is something to comfort me as those feelings pass, so that I can thereafter make a decision.

(Thinking about the family trip, and my freeze response when it comes to Naomi and appa)

---...---...---

For when I'm thinking "I shouldn't stay here I should go home because it is the logical and financially appropriate choice": I have the chance to live in this beautiful city for 8 more months. I'm gonna try my hardest to make it work!

When I feel that no one is supporting me and I can't support myself, let the sun, and the trees support me. Go outside and sit in the grass and autumn leaves (if there still are some).

[http-sadblog]

Since we have lived together I am not the same

You have been with me for 10 years and you have remained impregnated in my brain and perhaps forever.

You have left me mute before everyone and so I have lost what I love the most.

I have had sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, and I have touched death with my fingertips.

You made me ruin the best moments of my life without being able to enjoy them

And give up, and I gave up and I got stuck and I'm still here

And I know that in a few days I'll be back, with strength, with desire, with fear.

I lost friends, people, family members... my boyfriend

Out of pride, out of self-centeredness, out of foolish mistakes I could have not made

But I did and I failed,

I failed and failed again... I failed a thousand times.

I screamed, I cried, I hit,

I suffered, I hurt, I hated,

I loved, and I failed

I could visit all the museums in the world, travel all my life, and you'd still catch me.

Because you always do, wherever I go,

don't you get it? It's just that I carry it in my luggage

I think it's my fault and I'm the one who imagines it, but it's just real,

Don't you see? He's here with me...

And it starts that song in my brain and I ask you to shut up and you say "it's not the time".

Everyone says I'll be fine, it's just a matter of time,

still don't realize it? It's not the time, it's me who loses with every try

My anesthesia now is usually poetry, before it was you, the love of my life.

So to whoever reads me, let me introduce my fear.

-Hello, how are you? My name is Jasmine. -She said smiling

I was fine a few moments ago, I got happy and came back like a leaf blown by the wind.

You'll be gone again, I can feel it, I'll beat you, you'll see someday

I'm still here, and that makes me stronger

In my poems I'm safe, you won't win

There are people in my situation

Who say "oh shit, why me again?"

It's not just you, easy, it's burning but it can get worse.

It's been a month, you're still by my side, come on run away, I'm beating you.

I was the one who a few weeks ago was committing suicide and someone came along, held my hand and now I'm confronting you

I've been told that I like pain, and fear; that's why even though everything is fine and I have no reason to suffer, I continue to put silly justifications to stay here, but no, it's not like that.

Anxiety grows more and more

And I'm that princess locked in a fairy tale, but there are only tragic moments, an eternal silence and an ending that burns inside.

You are my reason for sadness, but fear is nothing, so why don't you just leave and get another prey?

I've tried to be the best version of me but then you show up and end up in me , is it a fucking punishment or what's it supposed to be for you?

Let me free, I want to smile, to live, to be happy.

You've been on all my journeys hurting my head

I want revenge, give me back my moments, the ones that never belonged to you, take me back to where I was happy, that day in my room when I was in my bed unable to stand up and he was just there, watching.

I won't be the one to run away,

But what the fuck am I saying?

I've gone back to school

I've pushed people away

I've changed my memories

And all for what?

To start over from scratch?

Because you've made me shittier than I look

I realized who's right and who's wrong

Look at me now, I'm alone, just me

So I'm a yes, even if everyone says no

I got me, will it be enough for both of us?

Then I fall in love for real, because I don't like to fail others, but the less I want to, the more you hurt me and the more I end up hurting

I don't like to cry and have others see it, so I wipe my tears away as if I'm ashamed

Dear fear, I thought no one would ever really love me

Dear fear, I thought I'd never feel alive again.

But for a year my life was a rainbow where black no longer existed

Dear fear, I thought I'd be alone all my life

And here I am, trying not to leave me

And everybody thinks I'm weird, maybe it's my imagination, well it doesn't matter I just don't want to think and feel joy, maybe, love

To make poetry out of this hell, it's not right

In the nights you just show up, my dear fear

And then I have allusions and I just want to end my life, it's just that I'm afraid of fear

And I start to write trying to hide my wounds but I don't succeed, now everyone sees me I'm naked with written letters

I start to cry and once again I say "please shut up".

And I start to pray, but it would be easier if I believed in God

And I start to fall again, I'm pessimistic, I start to hurt myself and I start to fall to the bottom of the sea

And I'll never swim again

I try to fix what I can't fix anymore

I try to fit in where I shouldn't

I try to love where they only give less

I try not to cry but I just can't

And I ask myself every day

What the fuck does my life matter here?

What's the point of living?

Why die?

And my head won't stop and I just can't stop feeling

I want to find someone who'll take a chance on me, but...,

What else can I say?

I'm such a lover of romance that I've let the coolest people go just because they fall below my cliché ideals.

And yet, I loved and I stayed, even though I'm a free woman I stayed in a man's cage.

Because I pay attention to my every fear, or do I, my dear fear?

And I seek help and take refuge in everything, I'm back to dancing to my favorite song and I'm back to my treatment... being manic depressive, well, it's not all good

I'd like to believe that someone can save me

But I know I have to do it myself

I don't, though, 'cause I've already drowned

I've got 6 demons by my side, to whom I recite poetry

And I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry if at any time I let them down or betrayed the trust they gave me

It wasn't me, Lauren,

Lauren Montenegro

It was my fears disguised as a victim and with lies on my lips.

Or have you not failed?

The slashed wrists, the scattered pills

The blood almost dried,

Oh great tragedy!

Now that I'm dead you all mourn, but fuck, they left when I needed them most and,

And they didn't notice?

It was nobody's responsibility

In this world we are all alone

It would have only been nice if someone had put up with

A badly written letter,

An infected wound, a desolate soul,

A burning body

But no, no one did

"Oh you're so good for this world" that's what someone said to me.

Dear fear, here I am once again

Dear fear, what is this place?

Dear fear, you've won...

One more time.