#i just have a lot of feelings about the dod

[asexualsunny]

I will never let anyone forget that Clay never even wanted to consider the rest of the DOD as siblings and him being their bigwing is smth he literally cannot help .

[blindedguilt]

I need Leonard and Cain to do toxic yaoi together...the two of them deserved more interaction in general

//YOU GET IT OMG YOU F U C K I N G GET IT //It's the duality. It's the difference in background and how they deal with tragedy and how that's absolutely APPALLING to both, because Leonard, who has and is dealing with a deep sense of wanting to inflict violence on the inside, and Caim, who just wants peace and to have never dealt with any of that on the inside, SEE the other's outward actions doing just the opposite and both are reminded of JUST how much they're trying to ignore that part they see in the other inside of them and how they're trying to put that down and HERE this motherfucker is, just doing it //AND ITS THE SENSE OF SOLIDARITY THESE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE FROM VERY DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS GET WHEN THEY SEE THAT, BECAUSE BEYOND LOSING THEIR FAMILY TO THE EMPIRE WHICH BRANG THEM UNDER THE UNION'S CAUSE THEY'RE BOTH OLDER BROTHERS WHO KNOW DEEP DOWN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FRET OVER AND CARE FOR YOUR YOUNGER SIBLING, OUTSIDE NUMBNESS TO THOSE FEELINGS BY OUTWARD CIRCUMSTANCES BE DAMNED. THEYRE BOTH PART OF A VERY SMALL MINORITY WHO HAVE MADE A PACT, AND EVEN SMALLER OF THE ONES WITH SOME SEMBLENCE OF A MIND LEFT AFTER DOING DO. THAT THEY BOTH CAME OUT OF THEIR TRAUMA AS THE ONLY ONES LEFT FULLY UNTOUCHED AND ARE BOTH STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH THAT, AND THAT LATER ON THEY BOTH FIND SOMEONE TO CARE FOR IMMENSELY THAT THEY'RE FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPATIBLE WITH THAT GIVES THEM THEIR REAL SENSE OF WORTH AFTER THE WAR AND THE PROFOUND ISOLATION FROM BEING SO FAR DEEP IN YOUR OWN HEAD AND TRAUMA AND KNOWING THE STUPID PIDDLING WRECK OF A HERMIT OR THE NEEDLESSLY VIOLENT BLOODTHIRSTY CRACKHEAD MERCENARY NEXT TO YOU CAN SHARE IN THAT GRIEF BUT AT THE SAME TIME IS A MIRROR INTO YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU CAN BE THAT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE //ITS ABOUT THE PROJECTION. IT'S ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES THAT FORCE THEM TO LOOK INTO THEIR OWN SELF AND THEIR INABILITY TO COPE WITH THAT AND WHY THAT MAKES THEM FUCKING HATE EACH OTHER, BUT ALSO THE COMPANY AND RELATABILITY TO EACH OTHER'S POSITIONS THAT DRIVES THEM TO THAT AWKWARD STALEMATE. ITS ABOUT THE MISLED "I CAN FIX HIM"'S MEANING TWISTED BUT WELL-INTENTIONED "I CAN MAKE HIM MORE LIKE ME THE WAY I WANT SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE SCARED ANYMORE" ON BOTH SIDES FROM PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EVEN FIX THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY CAN'T LET GO, AND THEN MY FAVOURITE PART

//HOW THAT RESULTS IN PSYCHICAL VIOLENCE AND/OR LOATHING AND RESENTMENT AND DISGUST. i watch this scene with SUCH yaoi-tinted glasses anon you don't even know

[gu6chan]

just reached my favourite point of translation where the subtext is so deep i have no idea how the FUCK to even start with getting the intended joke across/s

[kn11ves]

something about me is that everybody fucking loves my soup

[sobuildabeautifulcity]

not to hijack, but as a non-american whose degree was literally american studies, i can put some words to this if anyone wants to investigate more into it from an academia point of view (or alternatively, just having some good words to learn). this is just going to be a surface level explanation, theres a lot of missing nuance and detail. if i am completely wrong, please do correct me but if its just nuance please leave me be. none of this is meant in a derogatory fashion, just an academic european point of view.

if you want to skip my explaining here are the main terms: tl;dr - hegemony (through culture), soft power, (us defaultism), american exceptionalism.

im actually going to put my conclusion at the top, and put the rest under a cut because this got quite wordy. summary/conclusion - this is not something that can be solved with individual action, this is something that has been going on since at least the 1800s, externally, and long before that internally. american dominance online is an example of soft power that’s often under-noticed in the dominance of other ways it manifests. it’s hard to ignore american content when almost everything you see is american centred. i don’t know how it is for canada - i imagine it's much more dominant due to geography - but so many books, films, tv shows that are written in english are american. there isn’t a way to simply never interact with anything american again, our news media will still show stories from america. the soft power is all encompassing & has been for decades as a key part of american foreign policy. it is also worth noting (in passing) that america is a global superpower, their actions (not just culturally/news/etc but physically (economically/military etc)) directly impact many non-american countries in ways it is not possible to ignore. for example - the US has at least 600 military bases overseas, you are literally all over the world.

americans: as teaboot asks, how much time do you take to look at other cultures? at the news from other countries? is it something that might make you more of a global citizen to do so, if that’s something you want to be? perhaps you might want to learn some history about other countries that was overlooked in your education. so many countries have such a rich history and you haven’t been taught anything. its a shame.

so the first, and actually one i saw someone mentioning in the tags, is this idea of hegemony through culture. hegemony is, very basically, having control over a country (culturally/politically) without having control over territory. it’s often conflated with empires (and specifically imperialism) but its important to be clear hegemony does not automatically mean empire, as its more 'consensual' than empires tend to be. hegemony by culture is done by exporting key cultural influences - shop chains (e.g. starbucks), films, tv shows, books, video games etc.

soft power is very connected to the previous, and is the concept of co-opting rather than coercing a country, with the imported culture being seen as more desirable than the original one. probably the most relevant term to this post. the ‘top’ country imports its own ideals and morals through media, through culture. rather than legislating out a country’s culture (as the brits did in, eg, india), this is much more insidious. they work to make the ‘lower’ country’s culture unpalatable, because ‘oh look isnt ours so much nicer’. the results of this are what teaboot was talking about in the post, as well as so many others in the tags. defaulting to 911 rather than your country’s emergency number, knowing about the american political system (the idea is the ‘top’ country wants to import their version democracy as well), american stores & products being everywhere (think of starbucks, coca cola etc). it’s also, i think, worth noting that many countries redirect you to their emergency services if you call 911. this is something that has safeties built in for americanisation. (n.b. this isn’t, on its own, ‘proof’ - 112 in the UK also gets you through because thats the european number & there is an expectation for european travellers not knowing about 999). i am reasonably confident (though willing to be wrong) that if you were to dial 999 in the us, you wouldn’t get connected (info from 2014). you can, in the UK at least, get american tv channels on your tv. i can watch american documentaries, about american history or culture, any time i want.

this is a side pass into one which isn’t necessarily an academic term, which is ‘us defaultism’. this is the concept where americans assume everyone else is american, or knows as much about america as they do. it’s also built into the internet, especially google. some examples are - when asked where someone is from, they answer ‘[state]’. this isn’t actually particularly meaningful to most non- americans, while a lot of people will have heard of california & new york, they won’t know where ‘montana’ is. in contrast, a european answering ‘oh im from nantes’ is going to leave an american just as stumped - but they don’t do that, unless you ask specifically, they’ll offer ‘france’. when you search for ‘weather in georgia’ from europe (allegedly also from within georgia!) your top result is for the state, not the country - which is closer & more relevant for a european! if i search for ‘supreme court’ (as the uk has one too), all of my news results (which appear before any search results) are about the US court.

another term which ties in is american exceptionalism. it is this belief that america inhabits a special place in the world, that it is unique and its methods are always good & right. this belief is an undercurrent in all US foreign policy moves since its origin as a country. the idea of america as a ‘global policeman’ from the 1800s, as well as american attempts to ‘spread democracy’ through countries with different systems, even if it requires force, because (american) democracy is the ‘right’ political system. the united states is seen by US politicians as destined to be a world leader, because its policies are unique & exceptional, they are obviously the best way of doing things so everyone else should do it 'our' way. it’s also present in the soft power used, the cultural power. this is why americans arent told information about other countries, because why would they need to know? america is the best, they’re not going to find anywhere better! (this is slightly… jokey). its (likely!) why most americans wont have the same level of access to films from non-american countries, you’d have to search them out intentionally. because american films are made in america with america values (propaganda) so why would we show all the non-american films? it's why when americans study history, they don’t study the british civil war, but only the american civil war. there is no need to know about other country’s history, because american is more important. (n.b. this is all very simplified, there is a lot of other reasoning that holds weight i am skipping over for brevity.)

[see conclusion at the top]

-----------------------------

some articles/books that might be of interest if anything grabs you:

Jihad vs. McWorld - Benjamin R Barber, March 1992

Soft Power - Joseph S. Nye

Hegemony : The New Shape of Global Power - John A. Agnew (chapter 2, hegemony versus empire)

The New Public Diplomacy: Soft Power in International Relations - Power, Public Diplomacy, and the Pax Americana - Peter van Ham (Part II.3)

Cocacolonization - this is a wikipedia article, its best to use the cited sources than the site text, but i know that isn't always feasible for a number of reasons.

Spreading the American Dream - Emily S. Rosenberg, 1982 - ch11

I don't know if you're American or not but in my experience as a person who is not American, American events and media are so incredibly loud and visible that they tend to leech into everything.

Like I'm Canadian born and raised and can name more American presidents than I can Canadian Prime Ministers. I have Canadian friends from Canada who can accurately describe themselves as Liberals but are still sorta foggy on NDP policies. Do you know what day Canada Day is? It's July 1st. Do you know what's on my dashboard on July 1st? Early posts about July 4th.

And if you're an American reading this: Or, hell, anyone else reading this: We all know George Washington was the first American President. Do you know who the first Prime Minister of Canada was? Can you name two British political parties? What are two countries that have Monarchies, not Democracies? What was the most recent political scandal you can think of that took place outside the US? What's your favourite TV show that takes place anywhere outside of America? What are your top three favourite non-american musicians? If English is your first language, how many foreign countries can you go to where you don't speak the language, but don't have to worry about it?

I said "International America Day" as a joke, but there is a very real phenomenon in countries outside of the US where the general population becomes Americanized through the prevalent American media.

We know American current events, we know American scandals, we know about American cops and American movies and American accents and American fast food chains. We have serious opinions on the American legal system and we talk about American law and American policy and American celebrities, and many of us don't know Jack Shit about what's going on where we live.

I'm Canadian. I've heard all about 'building the wall' and ICE and Jan 6th, the intentional government distribution of narcotics in Black communities and the use of Marijuana Illegalization to persecute Black and Mexican people under the Nixon administration.

Do you know what Canada did to Chinese immigrants to build the Canadian railroad? What about the Sterilization Act? Residential Schools? Do you know what a Status Card is? Does it, or does it not cost money to ride in an ambulance? Can people with breasts legally walk around topless? What's the legal drinking age? What are our biggest cities? Who was our least-popular PM? What are our allied nations? Where does the Canadian military get deployed?

"International America Day" was a goof. But Jesus, it's a little bit serious

*edit: yeah I wrote June instead of Jan my bad

[flawseer]

Mail Call #3

Answering comments from @void-the-bear @railway-lands @keabirb @ilikebookssomuch @chezgorman @cartoons-everywhere @dragonra305

Please don't hurt me. I have glasses.

Thank you, to all of you. It makes me genuinely happy to know that I'm able to put something into this world that other people can enjoy. I think this is a great setting that is fun to add to.

Doing a Wings of Fire-themed run of this Smaugust challenge has been very interesting and it's good that the result appears to be well-received. It's not always been easy, I'm actually getting quite exhausted having to post content on a strict schedule like this. But it is worth doing if it makes people happy.

Relating to my comment on this post. I probably will do it eventually, along with some other ideas I had that didn't fit in. But it won't happen while Smaugust is still going, as I am already skirting the limits of what I am physically capable of right now.

Ahh... hm... This is the question that has toppled mountains and started wars. You're going to get hit squads sent after me.

Well, there is the big one, of course. Qibli/Winter. They have such wonderful chemistry whenever they are in a scene together (with one pretty upsetting exception). And Qibli is always teasing him about being his destiny and the two of them getting married, so I think there is some attraction there.

Then uh... I used to feel completely ambivalent about this one, but Starflight/Fatespeaker has really grown on me over time. There's a lot of interesting potential there that doesn't really make it into the story. I need to make a long-winded post about Fatespeaker one day.

Blaze/Glacier is another one that could be cute. I think putting a repressed Icewing together with a highly eccentric and rambunctious Sandwing is going to be a winning combination most of the time. Or well, I guess I should say "could have been cute", since Glacier had to die for the plot, in a very wretched and infuriating way too.

There are a couple more that I think have their moments or could be interesting in one way or another. Some of them even contradicting or overlapping each other. Listing all of them would probably be a bit excessive.

Oh yeah, and I think Sunny is ace.

Ah, a question that'll make me put someone else's favorite character at the bottom of a preference list... After the shipping question I'm starting to fear for my life now.

Let me preface this by clarifying that I generally like all of the DoD. There are some characters in this setting that I loathe and wish they would exit the story, and the arc 1 protagonists are nowhere near that. So being ranked low here translates to me saying "Yeah, they're okay, room for improvement", not "wow, they're the WORST!"

Okay whatever, let's get down to it.

#1 - Sunny

That one's easy, I mean, just look at the pinned post on this blog.

Sunny is so wonderful and charming and perfect in every conceivable way, she is one of my six all-time favorite characters. She is the flower that blooms in the bitter desert. A lot of people may perceive her as this demure and innocent character who is always happy and friendly, and oblivious to the suffering around her. Nah, Sunny knows exactly what is going on. She is keenly aware of all the bloodshed, suffering, and toxicity that unfolds in the world around her. When she remains optimistic and forgiving in the face of darkness, that is not her being meek or passive, it's her steadfastly refusing to let that darkness into herself. She is actively embodying the change she wants to see in the world, even when it hurts her or gets her taken advantage of, because that is what she believes in and the future she will create.

That's pretty inspiring. I wish I had that kind of inner strength.

Also, she is not weak. While she's not a powerhouse scrapper like Tsunami or an invincible stack of bricks like Clay, Sunny strikes quickly and without hesitation when her friends are in danger, and can be deviously clever. This is often overlooked, but she is--to my knowledge--the only character to land an attack on Morrowseer that comes close to actually hurting him.

Well... you got me rambling about Sunny. Let's go through the others more briskly.

#2 - Starflight

I like Starflight a lot. Unfortunately the story really doesn't. He is like, the unluckiest character by far. I don't know what he did to deserve the never-ending cavalcade of misfortune that gets shoveled in his direction throughout all three arcs. Like, it never ends. A couple of friends and I came together and we jokingly called our group the "Starflight Protection Foundation", because someone needs to stage an intervention. Like, wrap him in a cozy sweater and buy him hot chocolate or something. Heaven help this poor man.

He's another one of my favorites.

#3 - Glory

Glory is really cool; I vibe with the "unchosen hero spurned by destiny" theme. She goes through her life and is constantly told "No, you don't have a special destiny. You're the fifth wheel. You are worthless and unimportant". Though she struggles with the constant abuse and devaluation, she eventually finds a way to turn it into strength and declare that the only value that matters is the one she gives to herself.

I really wish the story had NOT made her turn out to be a secret princess. "I was born without destiny, so I'm making my own" is a so much more satisfying character trajectory than "Oh, don't worry. You were born special after all, you just didn't know about it".

So yeah, I kind of tend to put that "secret princess" plot twist on the shelf when I think about Glory, and prefer to think that she managed to sway Grandeur with her skill and determination, rather than a random blood link.

#4 - Clay

Clay is very lovable. He is like the emotional bedrock of the group and acts as a stabilizing force that pairs well with all of the other arc 1 protagonists. He pretty much resolves all of his baggage in the first book and becomes content and steady. That is very good for him, but unfortunately this also kind of turns him into just some dude for the following four books.

Which is fine, it is good for the other characters to have someone behind them who loves them and helps them up when they stumble. It just makes it difficult for Clay to shine on his own.

#5 - Tsunami

Okay, so, Tsunami. I actually like her a lot in arc 1. She's bringing an interesting kind of energy to the group that is like, half-supportive and half-detrimental. Very chaotic. She also has to contend with some heavy stuff; everything to do with her father and the complications in her family life. It's very interesting. Lots of places to go with that.

Arc 2 Tsunami though, really grinds my gears. She regresses into this kind of juvenile, immature personality that is just pointlessly abrasive and confrontational. She acts really condescendingly towards Peril-- despite the latter having saved Clay's life AND it being really important to Clay that her staying at JMA works out well. Her borderline sabotaging this effort by making Peril feel unwelcome seems very dismissive towards Clay's feelings. It also doesn't help that she is the most outspoken about her loathing of Nightwing mindreading and prophecies, which drives Moonwatcher further into her emotional shell and makes things more complicated.

Okay, I have to reiterate: I don't dislike Tsunami. I just think her character arc is incomplete. It feels like she is stuck in arrested development while at JMA. She's mostly running around yelling at people, when she really should be thinking about what to do about Queen Coral, and how to get custody of her siblings. Her sister Anemone is carrying emotional scars from how the Queen has kept her leashed like a dog for her entire life, a process that is now happening to Auklet, even to this day. And then there's the 30 something children who have never known parental love for a day in their life and their mother can't remember the names of.

Someone's gotta step in and save these kids. Or like, at least start vaguely thinking about it.

Turtle???

Hmm....

...

Moose!

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

Sometimes I feel that the wof fandom hates imperfect victims. I’ve seen a lot of people express hate towards Anemone, Winter, Flame, Arctic*, etc. (*foot note at bottom)

Like yeah, they can suck sometimes, but like I feel some people only like characters that come from a history of abuse if they’re almost perfect, like the DoD.

And like whenever I hear “I liked Anemone before arc 2” I can’t help but think about how she was still under Coral’s influence (and Blister’s and Whirlpool’s) and how her lashing out is heavily restricted under the threat of being punished by Coral (ie a muzzle for speaking out).

Idk sometimes I think people just don’t like the fact that characters with trauma can do bad things, especially when they have no positive outside influence to help them get out of a harmful mindset.

*Before you ask why I added Arctic or say “he can’t be a victim he just sucked!”, I’d like to say that Arctic was in fact a victim both in the Ice Kingdom and Night Kingdom.

In the Ice Kingdom, he was subjected to a cruel ranking system that constantly put pressure on him (and other icewings) to be “perfect” and his own Mother was very controlling over his life. He, himself, was placed into an arranged marriage he had no choice in.

When he ran away with Foeslayer, he was expecting freedom in a way that the Ice Kingdom couldn’t provide.

However, the Night Kingdom, while providing him a place to stay, did not hold the freedom he craved. Instead, he is constantly pressured by the society around him to do things that he doesn’t want to do (having children asap, fighting Icewings in the war, using his animus magic [Vigilance wanted to use his magic. We learn this later in Darkstalker and based on it, would be likely to try and get Arctic to use his magic to win the war if he had of agreed to work with her or lived in the palace with her]). Most Nightwings hate him in the Night Kingdom as they blame him for the war, and he doesn’t really have any other place to go to destress, not even his home has a place to cool down.

What he does still sucks, and his one truly horrible act of enchanting Whiteout is unforgivable, but tbh I don’t think he was thinking with a clear mind. By the time we actually get to him running away with Whiteout, he is seen to be desperate and paranoid. His wife is gone, he learns more and more terrible things about his son as time goes on.

I think just as how Albatross “snapped,” that point in the story was Arctic’s snapping point. He has no reason to stay, no reason to not flee. Vigilance tried to kill Darkstalker, whose to say she wouldn’t try to kill him as well?

While Arctic is certainly toxic, I think his personality in Darkstalker is often exaggerated in fanon. It’s one of those things where he gets seen as worse than what he actually is.

Also people saying that he pulls the “I sacrificed everything for you” card on Foeslayer, tell me exactly what page. Give me evidence. The worse he does that I remember is accuse her of only caring for his power, which is likely a response from her accusing him of not caring for her and her tribe. And where exactly does he blame her for him killing the Icewings in Runaway? The most he does is snap at her that he isn’t okay and that his soul is none of her concern, which she responds with “your soul is of my concern if I’m going to be with you.”

Also having your wife almost get sentenced for treason and needing to be pardoned must’ve really set the tone of how things were going to go for him.

And Prudence (Foeslayer’s mother) was the one that always looked down on Whiteout and Darkstalker being hybrids.*

.

[mysadcorner]

Hi! I love your Jason Todd stuff and idk if you write stuff like this, but I was wondering how you think Jason would react to his s.o safe wording for the first time?

If you don't do things like this that's completely fine and I'm sorry about asking.

Jason Todd x Reader Using The Safe Word Headcanons

————————————————————————

-Credit to the images owners - Please be specific about characters wanted in requests -

Masterlist Navigation

• When you first use the safe word while being intimate with Jason he’ll absolutely freak out. The last thing he would ever willing do would be to hurt you, so the thought of you having to ask him to stop because he’s going ti far will cause him a lot of distress on top of your own.

• If the two of you were engaged in something on the “hardcore” side of intimacy then he’s be a mess, begging for forgiveness as he stops what he’s doing and checking up on you. He’ll assess the damage and try to soothe you both emotionally and physically since he clearly wasn’t ensuring you were fine enough during the act.

• If you said the safe word simply because you were overwhelmed, not that Jason was doing anything which resulted in you being hurt, then he’d try his best to ease you out of you discomfort and bring you back to a stable condition. He’s also going to soothe you when this happens and try his best to calm you down from whatever limit he pushed you too far over.

• He’d sure you’re cleaned up so that you can settle down easier and get rid of the discomfort you may be feeling in that moment. It’s easier for him to get you wrapped up in bed and get you back to feeling alright again if you’re not sitting covered in sweat and other things that occurred during intimacy.

• Afterwards, Jason would make sure that you were comfortable and feeling able to lie in bed properly while he checks over you. He’d bring you food and drinks, and massage any places that ache, as well as checking in on you emotionally to make sure he hadn’t caused a negative impact on your relationship with him or made you feel like you can’t be comfortable around him again.

• He’d ask you to open up to him and talk about what had just happened and why it may have been too much for you, but only once you feel like you’re ready to. He needs to know how he overstepped so that he never makes that same mistake again, and communication is something Jason hugely values for a healthy and understanding relationship. No matter how big or small the problem was, he’ll take whatever you say on board.

• He may be slightly hesitant to be intimate again with you for a little while due to feeling like he made you overwhelmed or hurt you and feels ashamed about it, even though he never meant too push you too far. You may need to reassure him and talk to him about what happened a few times before he starts engaging in that way, but it will still take him a little while to get back into rougher or kinkier kinds of things with you again.

• After you use the safe word for the first time, Jason will be checking in on you a lot more and asking for verbal input regarding everything he’s doing towards you while being intimate. He already dod this before, but after pushing you too far he feels a lot more comfortable knowing how you’re feeling at all times so it’s much less likely of happening again.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers. :) AH the post breakup ep. This one almost hurts more. It's most apt ep name of the entire season. ‘Crushed.’ Boy does this name hold up to what goes down in this episode. As much as it sucks what goes down with Blair. She was damn good at her job and this ep proves that. Lots of Tim analysis in this one as you all know is my jam. Eric and Melissa continue to crush us in this one. Phew. Let us begin.

6x07 Crushed

We start out strong with the soul crushing. Lucy’s necklace and DOD ring are noticeably absent. They know the fandom well to take away these objects. Of course we were going to notice them being gone. Hurts my heart to see it. Makes sense but doesn’t make it ache less. Our poor collective shipper heart. Granted the ring was her's long before Tim…BUT we all know what it represents. Her life being saved. Throwing it out in the hopes he would find it and save her. Represents him digging his bare hands into the earth to retrieve her from it. *sniffle* I’m fine….

Her necklace being gone is just a stark reminder of where we are with them. I hate it. The opening sequence is a gut punch to our feels. To Lucy’s too. Tamara is moving out. This also hurts to watch. The end of an era. Lucy is grasping at straws asking if she needs more time before she goes? Tamara asks if she needs her to stay? With the breakup and all? Lucy instantly say no. Even if she wanted to she'd never ask that of her. But it’s clearly upsetting Lucy watching her whole world being dismantled.

She went from having the love of her life with her daily, and Tamara living there, to neither of those things within a week. She literally blinked and her two pillars of support were gone. I adore her making dinner reservations for her though. Wanting to celebrate despite her current sadness. Tamara asks if Tim really got kicked out of Metro? Lucy immediately saddens and morosely replies ‘Yeah.’ Tamara being her protective self in her reply. I mean she isn’t wrong…But it brings Lucy zero comfort and it’s written all over her face. *sigh*

We go from one heartbreaking scene to another. Once again the punches not being pulled in the last 3 eps. I feel emotionally winded. For only having 10 eps they sure did pack them full of it. Which I was impressed with. We see Tim disassembling his Metro office. Hurts me to see it. Official time of death for Metro Tim is now. You all know how much I loved him in this position. I really hate this. Was more than him being fine af in that outfit. Was years of hard work flushed down the toilet *snaps fingers* Just like that. Really paints the picture of his trajectory downward after Ray.

I hate this on a personal level for him. The breakup is excruciating but adding this in is... It's salt into an already raging wound. Worst part is we watch him being stoic with Wade. Trying to pull all the company lines. Whatever will get him back on duty and Grey out of his hair. Luckily Wade isn’t so easily duped. He knows this man well. Been his superiors for years. Can see the grunt mentality Tim is displaying. Knowing how unhealthy it is. Grey lets him know Dr. London will be shadowing him. Tim is naturally upset about this.

This wasn't the work he meant lol Knowing exactly why this is happening. Wade doesn’t sugar coat it when Tim pushes back. Nor should he. Lists off the reasons he questions Tim's judgment right now. The reckless behavior that had him bounced out of Metro and back to patrol. Secondly breaking up with Lucy. Tim forgets this man watched over the years how Tim blossomed around her. Even more so when they got together. To toss that away is just as reckless as his behavior that lost him Metro. Tim is in a free fall atm. Grey is just trying to soften the landing when he comes back to Earth.

Tim being a lying liar who lies. Says him breaking up with Lucy had nothing to do with Ray. Oh my love you don’t really believe that do you? Because it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Was the catalyst to breaking all our hearts. It's clearly a tactic to get out of his ride along with Blair. The man as we know runs from and buries his feelings. Only person to ever get him to open up he’s shoved away at this point. Phew. This somehow hurts more the second to watch and dissect.

Wade stands his ground about the ride along. Saying if he wants to even begin to earn his trust back. It starts here. Otherwise he’s going to get mandated therapy. Which honestly I would’ve hated for him. Because therapy’s something you need to come to on your own. Not have it thrust upon you. So I’m glad Grey started out with this observation first. The man knows what he’s doing. Tim gives into his order of taking her with. Little does he know he’s going to end up doing both.

But that’s the beauty of this episode tbh. Once that is settled Wade slyly mentions he’s taking Lucy out. Tim being salty says for ‘Evaluating her too?’ I love Grey’s slick smile replying he’s just observing. Like I said earlier. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s also worried about them both. He knows how serious their relationship was. Probably thought their next step was marriage. So for it to be over he’s gotta do damage control. He’s the MVP of this ep.

This scene with Smitty still makes me blood BOIL. Months later and it still has me incensed with him. With that jackass too who was betting Tim cheated. How very fucking dare you nobody officer. If you knew Tim at all you’d know he would NEVER. Not ever. Neither of them would. It’s so degrading for both Tim and Lucy.

Also her and Aaron? Excuse me while I go vomit. I love how she dismantles Smitty. Straight up kills him. The shame on his face is something he deserves and more. This one of the many reasons people knowing was the worst. Because cops or not this was gonna feed the rumor mill. People gossip no matter the profession. Lucy telling him how wildly inappropriate this is. Honestly she should’ve reported his ass.

I would’ve. I'm crazy protective of them both. So I hated this scene for them. And for Lucy out of the two of them to find it ugh….Smitty promises he’ll shut it down right away. Damn right you will mofo….That scene still gets under my skin more than I would like. We were all in mourning as a fandom. So this scene lit my Italian rage up. Hated rewatching it. Made me sick to think of them gossiping about them. Still hate this whole thing. Doesn’t get easier with time.

The pain train continues forward with this next scene. The LAST thing Lucy needed in this moment was to bump into Tim. Especially coming off the heels of scolding Smitty. We see her rubbing her tattoo like no tomorrow. Trying to calm her raging emotions. She doesn’t even get a second to breathe, before running into the cause of her deep hurt.

Gotta commend Melissa and Eric for this awkward encounter. Lucy has zero time for this. Can’t even process what just happened with Smitty let alone this. Doesn’t stay in that corridor long. Poor Lucy almost stumbles over herself to get away from Tim. Shaking her head as he calls out for her. Rip my damn heart out some more why don't you writers? Good lord. Killing me softy. 5 minutes in and I’m a damn mess. Also what kills me in this scene how Tim lights up when he sees her.

Ugh you can’t do that after what you did Timothy. You stole her voice and her choice in that breakup. You can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to see you. You destroyed her in that parking lot. Decimated her loving spirit when you took off. Eric once again killing me with his expressions. His reaction after she all but dashes from him breaks my heart. This was self inflicted but hurts to watch none the less. To see them reduced to this awkward interaction is devastating.

I will say I adore Blair for coming right at Tim from the jump. Doesn’t wasn’t any damn time calling him on his crap. His person isn’t there to do it. So she is the next best thing. Well other the Angela. But he needed to hear this stuff from a professional. My sister can tell me something and it doesn’t resonate. My therapist does and it clicks. Idk why. Just does. Tim NEEDED this ride along just didn’t know it yet.

Doesn’t take her long to call Tim out for his decision to use Aaron as a buffer. Is reading him like a book she’s known for years. Saying he��s doing so cause he’s exhibiting classic avoidance attachment style. (Totally is...) Tim having not been in therapy is confused at her reply. She continues to depict him further. Explaining he prefers surface level over deep intimacy. Which is the case with everyone but Lucy…

She continues on to say it’s a defense mechanism. One that is developed due to an overly strict or domineering parent. Usually a father. Tim getting nervous already goes on the defensive. Like he always does when someone has him dead to rights. Did it to Lucy and Angela. This therapist is no different. Stating he isn’t a fan of this and there is going to be no over sharing. Ok love….

I do adore Grey for making sure Lucy is taken care of. We all know our girl isn’t going to take care of herself. Her and Tim are scary alike in this way. They’d rather take care of others than do any form of self care. So Wade is doing it for her which I love. He didn’t pick Tim he picked HER. He gave Tim what he needed with the therapist. Also we don’t get enough Lucy and Wade so I was all about this.

We know he’s worried because she’s taken hit after hit this year. Tim being the biggest blow of all. These other things were horrible but she had him. Her person. Her pillar. Now that’s gone and she’s losing Tamara to boot. She needed this ride along as much as Tim needed his. To say this season has been tough on her would be the understatement of the century. I’m hurting for her so much. Her entire world was ripped out from underneath her.

I think Grey can tell it’s pent up inside her. The constant ‘I’m ok and I’m fine.’ Are really cries for help. The awkwardness continues when they run into Tim getting ready for the day. Lucy extends the awkwardness inviting everyone EXCEPT Tim to Tamara’s farewell dinner. Well and Dr. London heh Who is watching this entire exchange go down. This shot from his cam feeling very intentional as he watches her invite everyone but him. A little shot at his soul watching this happen. He watches her depart sadly some definite longing in it. Oh Timothy you did this to yourself my love. Grey patting his arm as he follows Lucy out.

Lucy and Grey’s first call strikes a personal chord. Far too close to what she and Tim just went through. They show up to a couple fighting. The girl is losing her mind on him. Little stabs to the heart what this woman is upset about. Saying how she thought they were happy. How she thought he was the one. Then it just ended. How it doesn’t make sense. Ooof. My heart hurts.

I hate how relevant this call is for Lucy. Crushed is the theme through out this one. Apropos ep name if we’ve ever had one. Lucy then gets paranoid because she is feeling exposed in this moment. Feeling things she’s been suppressing gurgling up. Asking Grey if he set this up? That Tim just bailed on her. That their first call was about a woman being ghosted. I adore his reply. It’s Top Notch Wade Grey goodness.

Puts her in her place right away with that notion. But it’s very telling to him in this moment how much she needs this shift with him. The amount she has pent up is immense. The fact that she reacted the way she just did proves that. Her sensitivity level is sky high atm. Lucy’s reply when they get back in the car is hilarious though. Much needed levity in a tense moment LOL ‘It’s my bad.’ Hahahaha oh Lucy Chen never change. We love you so.

Dr. London hits the ground running with the case they have. Aaron bringing up it’s always the boyfriend right? When it comes to missing cases like this? It’s here Blair inserts her like about breakups. It’s SPOT ON. Say what you will about her as a person but she was damn good at her job. At zeroing in on someone and what makes them tick. What is holding them back. And her line about breakups is just that for Tim. Stating it’s a trigger for many men. How stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking help. It gets under Tim’s skin instantly. I’m sure she said for a few reasons.

First because It’s an accurate statement for most men. Sad but true. Two because she feels this fits Tim perfectly and his current situation. And lastly to see how he would react. Which of course is defensively, but she’s methodically chipping away at his wall. That statement is not only this situation. But it’s Tim’s entire life. His father called him. ‘Poor little Tim-Tim.’ This was not a term of endearment but a mockery of his feelings. For even having them let alone expressing them. To have feelings was shameful and to act on them even more so. Looked at Tim with disgust and disappointment for it.

That scene in 4x09 in his father's hospital room was a painful glimpse into his childhood. To how he was treated for ever being emotional or needing help. So of course he’s not going to reach out for help. It’s deeply ingrained in him not to do as such. Breaks my heart. Grew up the same way. Being pegged as ‘Sensitive’ or mocked for what they perceived as emotional tantrums. When I was just a little person with emotions and didn't know how to regulate them. I was emotionally imbalanced because of my parents. Just like Tim is cause of his father. Blair is testing the water with her theory and striking gold in this moment. Quite the opening volley from her.

Grey starts on his own inquiry into how Lucy is. Clearly needing to since she exploded at their last call. Asking if she’s talked to Tim since the breakup? She is brief and just replies nope. Although her reply is brief her emotions are not. Just hearing his name is springing up tears to her eyes. Melissa aiming to do the same to me in this scene. Straight killing me at how damn sad she looks. I hate it so much. Lucy follows it up with saying she thought he didn't care about her personal life?

Oof giving me Tim flashbacks to 3x08. When she was questioning why they were talking about her personal life? Grey's answer obviously different in this instance. Telling her he cares if it affects her job. I mean he is Watch Commander. This is a valid thing to worry about. Also part of the reason for this ride along. To gauge where she is at and how it’s affecting her on the job. Grey connects the dots of Tim’s IA investigation and their breakup. Knowing it’s not a coincidence.

Tells Lucy as such that he can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection. I mean obviously there is. He’s just not going to get that out of either of them. He failed earlier with Tim. Also it's not the connection he think's it is. I do love her instinct to protect Tim regardless of the hurt. Was pressed and she doesn’t budge. That is a natural thing for her bad place or not. Lucy may not fully understand the why of it all. But she would never cast suspicion on him due to it. She just loves him and will protect him even when he has no idea. I’m not crying you are….*sniffle*

Lucy reinforces the idea it was nothing of the sort. That it was just weird timing that’s it. Then she goes into analysis mode. Which is her form of defense mechanism IMO. If she can try to understand it. Figure out the why. Maybe she can start to heal from it. Not have it drown her every single day. Lucy chalks it up to Tim not being emotionally available. I mean that is definitely part of the problem…

He is a disaster zone of a person right now. He’s occupied mentally in a way she has no idea about right now. At this point in time Tim doesn’t even know this about himself. Only that he wasn’t deserving of her love, that he is too toxic, and she’s better off without him. Has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes for him. Neither does Lucy. It shows how painfully in the dark she is about what went down.

The sports comment is pretty comical though. I mean I totally get being emotional about sports. The Rangers ruined my mood for awhile when they were booted from the playoffs in June. We made it deep into the playoffs too. So I get the hurt. Regardless it’s a funny reply from Grey. Makes Lucy smile too which is a win right now. The look out the window had me cackling haha I love it so much. We need more of them.

Dr. London continues her barrage on Tim and I’m here for it. It’s the only way he responds to emotional stuff. Also I think Blair realizes if she doesn’t come at him hard, she won’t gain any ground with him. Doesn’t hold back when she compares Tim and Lucy to her line about how platonic love. How their's started out as a friendship and blossomed into so much more. *heart clutch* Eric kills me in these shop scenes.

We can feel and see the emotions he’s choking back. The sadness in his reply of ‘I was her T.O.’ He can feel the rush of emotions flooding in so he sends Aaron away. Tries to ward her off by saying he knows what she’s doing. Blair is getting under his skin quickly and he can feel the heat of it. She is poking at a raw nerve and it’s very evident. The looks on his face through out this scene make me wanna cry. Dr. London reminds him breakups evoke anxiety and depression in men.

Tim being Tim tries bravado this time. Saying he’s not depressed. (Ok babe…) That he’s the one who broke up with her. Trying to deflect but it isn’t working on her. Blair doesn’t relent and replies yes he did. BUT she can tell he has immense guilt around doing it. Which we know is true. He feels horrendous for breaking his person's heart. It’s eating at him like a cancer. Exuding out him so much he can’t use his usual tactics to hide it from her. She see's right through him. Like he's glass and she's peering in for a look.

Dr. London continues her pegging of him with this next part. My god does she have him dead to rights. Not only that but she’s getting through. She can’t see his face but if she could she would see it. Eric is masterful once again with his expressive emotions. We watch the range of emotions in this portion. Especially with his eyes. Always the eyes. She really hits home with her analysis of him. You can see it seeping in. I’m so bummed there isn’t a set of this scene. It’s so so good.

Bringing up how internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. If that isn’t our boy in a sentence. Sweet baby James. The part about self directed anger is this man to a tee. An absolute tee. The way he’s soaking in all her info has me deep in my feels. That guilt she mentioned is pouring out of him in this moment. Along with the shame and anger that is starting to build as well. The anger is because she draws a HARD line in the sand about this eval.

That if she can’t tell if he isn’t self destructive by EOD she’s gonna sideline him. How he can keep stonewalling her if he likes but it’s only gonna end in a psych eval. It is a rough way to come at him. But he needs it so badly. Lucy isn’t here to knock it into him. So I’ll be forever grateful Blair was. He of course reverts back to S1 Tim when Aaron re-enters. Snaps at him because he can’t handle the emotions coursing through him. So he takes it out on poor Aaron. What she said has hit very close to home. Sadly Aaron get the repercussions of that.

We go back to Grey and Lucy talking about Tamara. Their case involves a girl being scooped up from babysitting. Has her worried and Grey can tell. I adore him telling her what she’s done with Tamara is wonderful. That Lucy showed her unconditional love. The kind that healed her skeptical heart. Made her wanna launch back into the world due to it. It’s here Lucy circles it back to Tim. With her line about letting people you care about go. How could she not? It’s consumed all her thoughts for days and days. Grey picks up on it immediately. Asking if they’re still talking about Tamara?

This launches a Lucy rant of epic proportions. One I don’t think Grey is even close to be accustomed to lol She is finally ready to unload the emotional burden on her soul. Her reaction here is just further proof she had no idea why Tim did what he did. Also probably has zero idea he got half his unit killed. Bringing on his episode of self loathing. Which prompted the breakup. Saying she has no idea what happened to them. That she can’t stop thinking about it. Girl me too. It consumed a lot of my waking hours in that three week hiatus as well. Only difference is I got to know WHY Tim did it.

It didn’t make it less painful but it helped to know the why. This is where Lucy and I are a lot like. Needing to know the why helps me accept things. Otherwise I go insane. Like I stated earlier her defense mechanism is analysis. She was so damn blindsided by this. Her brain hasn’t caught up to any possibilities of why. Lucy was left in the dark from 6x05-6x06. Only let in with what I can assume was minimal surface level info about Ray. Otherwise her analysis brain could figure out why he did this if she knew EVERYTHING. If she did know she could cobble together exactly the why behind his reasoning.

Lucy going off saying she thought their relationship was worth more. The 'Unless it is.' haunting her. Haunting us all. I couldn't look at happy gifs for a long time.....She thought what they had was worth more than a cheap cop out. It was very cliched how he put it. Which was intentional I'm sure on the writers part. Made it seem like it was a cheap way out of their relationship. Clearly we know it’s SO much more complex than that. But she doesn’t know any of that. Which continues to leave her in the dark and it's painful to watch her struggle with that. I just want to tell her. *screams into a pillow* Instead of having a say in it Tim made the decision for her and it pisses her off.

As it should. It pisses me off. He took her voice and right to an opinion with their breakup. That is something he’s going to have to make up for. Lucy deserved so much better than how that breakup went down. She does deserve to be the one who decides if she wants better. Which she didn’t get to. Nor did she want better. That man was IT for her. And she is thought she was the same for Tim. It’s why her line about struggling with him letting go so easily hurts. Honestly It’s what adds another layer of tragedy to this whole breakup. The miscommunication even in the breakup itself is unreal. Lucy finishes off her rant perfectly though.

Saying even if she wanted total self destruction it was her damn life. Her friggin decision to make that call. Tim straight robbed her of that. Not only did he but left her holding the emotional bag afterward. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Our girl deserved so much better than how he handled that breakup. He has a lot to make up for in s7. But he knows that just not right now…Grey’s face to finish off the scene is everything. Knowing she needed to get that off her soul. That this is why he didn’t want her riding around solo today. This was a much needed spiral in a safe place. So well done Wade. Our girl needed this.

Blair doesn’t even have to wait for an opening in this next scene. Tim jumps in to defend himself about eviscerating Aaron. Saying it’s his style. She continues to read Tim like a frigging book. This is my favorite scene of the episode for him. Just because it’s so telling. Eric is incredibly expressive as she breaks him down. He feels trapped but also can’t deny what she’s telling him. Her assessment is out of the world good.

Another beautiful thing about this scene is she is attacking his problem at it's damaged root. Blair tells him he’s under a lot of stress it's clear. Not just the case though. Saying whatever went down between him and Ray must’ve been real bad for him to lose Metro. To be back on patrol. Tim doing his old move of deflection. Saying how he owns mistakes and moves on. Well he has half of that right… Our boy definitely owns his mistakes. Moving on is a whole other issue.

Dr. London is moving in for the kill at this point. Saying but he hasn’t moved on. How can he when his whole identity is wrapped up in acting honorably? Damn she has him pegged. If he could truly move on. Be solid in that statement we wouldn’t be here. If he could really reconcile with the past he wouldn’t have ended it with Lucy. He feels not worthy and very much not honorable enough to be with her. So he cut ties. *sad sigh* Tim cloaks himself in honor then condemns himself when he falls short of it. Which is why he can't move on. Just adds another pebble to his soul as it were.

Blair continues with her spot on assessment. Her guess being that has taken a devastating effect on his self esteem. We know it has. His entire life he hasn’t felt worthy or deserving. Has has always had the lowest self esteem about himself. Because mistakes were failure growing up. Mistakes of any kind. Which isn't ok. A healthy and good parents loves you through them. Teaches you there are lessons in mistakes. That it’s not the falling down it’s the not getting back up that’s failure. This man has been knocked down more times than I can count.

He got up every single time. Which is incredible and grew him to be resilient af. Sadly to Tim it’s the falling down that is failure. He never saw his getting back up as a positive thing. Just saw it as surviving and it was partly. He didn't see the goodness in getting back up because his father never did. He grew up in a household where mistakes were pain. Whether it was physical or emotional it was abuse for said mistake. Didn't matter what it was. So to Tim if he set high standards for himself. If he acted honorably his chances of mistakes or failure would decrease. (In his mind at least)

The problem with that is he’s human. We’re all human and fall short of expectations. No one set his except him. Hell I just dealt with this writing this review. I set this insane expectation of when I should've been done writing it and I didn't hit it. I was mad at myself for a expectation only I had set. It's the same for Tim. Whenever he fell short of being ‘honorable’ in his mind. It dinged his already fractured self-esteem. To the point where he has none. Lucy rebuilt it over the years. But it goes to show you how little he thinks of himself. That Ray coming back toppled all of that. Imploded it really in a matter of days.

She really brings it home here. Her pièce de résistance as it were. This is where Tim goes from huh? To Oh…Blair notes it’s why he’s been punishing himself. This catches Tim off guard because he’s truly confused. Like I said earlier I don’t know even know Tim knew the deep why of their breakup. He for sure had no idea he was doing this specifically. No doubt in my mind he had zero idea he was punishing himself. I didn't know I was in the story I'm going to use here in a bit.

Now he knew he wasn’t worthy. Knew he didn’t feel deserving of her love and comfort. Because he had acted so dishonorably. To Tim there’s no way she could love him after that. He projected 'Rules matter Boot. 'their entire relationship. Long before they got together. To Tim he created this infallible image of himself to her that he fell short of.

One he tried to instill in her as a cop. Yet he failed to do so. He couldn’t look at himself let alone make her do as such. That's what he understood about what he’d done. Which is insane cause she met him at his worst and still saw his good heart. But that's a rant for another time and place ha Suffice to say it was standard he was holding himself to that she wasn't. I get this so much it pains me.

Blair soldiers on in her explanation. Letting him know he’s depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. I know this tactic all too well. I mentioned this in my mini. But feels appropriate to do so again in terms of relation. I do this myself. Tim and I are very alike it scares me honestly. When I fail at something I punish myself too. I feel I’m getting better at this. But this story is pre-therapy Caitlin lol.

Anyways I did this with my last job. I wasn’t good at it right away. I was close to being fired actually. My leader at the time was confident in my game plan to fix myself. I however was intent on punishing myself for being awful. I was mad I had failed in the first place. Pissed at myself for not being good right away. This clearly being the result of my childhood. Where I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. If I did it resulted in emotional abuse in the form of the silent treatment. So going into adulthood I still held myself to higher standards than anyone ever set for me.

When I fell short of those standards I punished myself. So with this new job I denied myself music. It was something I loved dearly. So in turn until I got my act together I didn’t listen to it. Didn’t felt I deserved till until I rectified my mistake. My boss found out and told me not to be so hard on myself. That there was no need to punish myself. I hadn't even realized that's what I was doing till she said that. I still was hard on myself but allowed her faith in me to let myself listen to music again. It ended up being what saved me.

This is why I relate so hard to him doing this. Because I did it. My whole life. Tim doesn’t even realize till now he’s punishing himself this way. He’s denied himself his person. What brings him the most constant joy in his life? Lucy. Who is the radiant sunshine that made his life better? Lucy. So. In turn he is denying himself the one person he feels he doesn’t deserve. Punishing himself by denying himself her presence, he is simultaneously depriving himself of the happiness their relationship brings him. We know how happy she's made him. The highest form of penance is sacrificing that. Oh my broken boy.

I love her saying 'Or more accurately someone.' She saw what went down at the kit room. How Tim longingly looked at Lucy when she departed. Knows this man is still so in love with her. It’s obvious he hasn’t made this connection himself till she says this. We see it dawning on Tim. Her getting through to him. We watch as this hits Tim square in his chest. Or really his heart. She has struck a deep chord and it shows all over his reaction. Especially in the second gif. Tim is holding back actual tears as it hits him.

Ugh my heart. Damn you Eric. As quickly as he comes to this realization Aaron re enters the car. Tim has to readjust and adapt back to hard ass. Was bummed couldn't fit this in but he struggles with it. Aaron is smart enough not to ask if he’s ok twice… I do remember being excited by this scene. Because I felt it would propel him toward therapy. To knowing he needs help. All the signs can be there but you have to see the need for it. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. London for helping him see it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo. Melissa you’re killing me. But also don’t stop. I love that you do that. It makes me wanna cry though. Because we all know why she reaches for it. It’s to remind herself she’s a survivor. The only problem is that idea came from Tim….That entire grounding exercise is wrapped up in him. So it’s painful she has to now use it about him. It’s beautifully tragic and subtle.

Which is why it hurts so good. Mostly hurts atm. Until they’re reconciled anyways. It PAINS me to see how awkward they are with one another. To go from being so damn linked to this disjointed mess….I hate it so much. Eric and Melissa do it so well though. The body language and the nervousness pouring out of them. Lucy wanting to start something but not knowing where to begin. At a loss for words.

Tim doesn’t help her at all. Just stands there like an awko taco. That lyric ‘I’ve never been a fighter.’ Ringing through the silence. Ugh the music attacking us once again in the best way. This song is so good for this moment. I truly think having listened to it enough times now. Feel it’s Lucy POV with these lyrics. Which I’ll delve into more in the side notes. This entire scene just hurts. Like poking a unhealed wound.

I have to note this gif separately. Said this a lot this ep but damn you Eric. His precious little smile here is killing me softly. He’s spent the entire ep on pins and needles. Avoiding his feelings. Lashing out at everyone around him. Then being hit with some serious realizations. Then he sees sees Lucy and it appears. That Lucy smile of his. But he forgets he can’t be flashing that adorable smile to her anymore. He lost the right to find comfort in her presence when he walked away from them. From her.

The smile also kills me because he’s so in love with her. Look at that man above. It’s written all over that smile. It hurts to watch. I saw a great tag for this gif. ‘idk what hurts more his little smile or his shining eyes.’ Honestly? Both. They both hurt….Once again he has no right to be showing her those in love eyes paired with tears. Only hurts her more. Hell it’s killing me. It pains me he’s punishing them both for this spiral. This scene hurts so much but starting out with this smile. *sigh* I'm dying Timothy. You've killed me.

Truly blinded by his own shortcomings at the start of this scene. Thought he could just jump back in there and be normal. That there’s no way she loved him like he loved her. So she would be more normal and ok after their break up than him. My broken Timothy you hurt my heart on so many levels. Not only that but makes a joke about clocking out. He's nervous in his delivery of it too. Which he should be. He exploded them and is making small talk? Oh Tim. No....

Lucy calls him out instantly for it. I adore her for the stand she takes here. Not only not letting hide in small talk but getting her side in finally. Refusing to let him force normalcy on them when they never had a real talk. An actual adult convo. Insulted he wants to hide in chit chat. No matter the place they’re in Lucy is always going to tell him like it is. We all know he loves her for it even when it hurts like hell like this scene does.

Lucy reams him like she should. Letting out all the emotions she never got to express. Also what she’s been stewing on. Telling him what she has been holding onto the past week. Saying how he’s been so concerned with what she deserves. That he BLEW past them even having an adult conversation. Which he most definitely did. Also it saddens me the physical distance in this scene. They’re never ever that far apart. Very telling of where they are right know. I hate it.

You can see the discord between just by their physical distance. What kills me is she gives him a chance to rectify it. To have that convo. Tim deflects because the man is no where near ready for that kind of conversation. It reflects in his reply. He only continues to see he isn’t worthy of her. You are everything she wants you foolish man. He doesn't have a damn clue with that though. So he continues to push her back. Away from him and his turmoil.

It’s here I’m so proud of Lucy. She stands her ground and sets a boundary. Which is not easy BTW. It's insanely hard. Telling Tim he has a lot more to work on that she realized.... That she wishes him good luck with that. But she clearly isn’t the person to help him anymore. *heart clutch* My heart is on the ground again. I get it though. She is stepping away from him and how nuclear he is. It’s such a good boundary to set for herself. For her sanity really.

Another great quote from that book mentioned last ep. “A boundary is our only fighting chance at reclaiming our peace.” It’s the only way she can regain any semblance of peace. To move on from this and heal. Have couple more that are so appropriate here. “People who are irresponsible with our hearts shouldn’t be granted great access to them.” Tim hurt her heart so greatly. Betrayed her trust so deeply. This boundary is to protect herself. But also to keep Tim from having the access he once had. It's easy to see he isn't budging so even if it pains her she has to create distance for herself.

Final one “Love can be unconditional but access doesn’t have to be.” Lucy still loves that man unconditionally but can’t allow him to access her heart anymore. She gave him one last shot and he blew it. So she retreated like she should when he denied her. Does kill me she is clutching her tattoo end of this scene as well. It's what keeps that boundary in place and her feet moving forward. Breaking my heart all over again in an instant. I'll just be sobbing in the corner no big deal...

I was pleasantly surprised when we got another moment in Grey’s office. Thinking that was the end of it. I was hoping against hope Tim wanted to reach out and get help. This scene delivers in spades on that. Tim fully expecting to be mandated therapy. We can see he’s actually disappointed when she has a good review of him. Reporting it won’t affect his work. I’m glad she did because it’s prompts Tim to advocate for himself in this moment.

To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. To not only see he has work to do but reach out for the help to accomplish that. The relief this made me feel is immense. Tim says he was expecting her to say he had a lot of work to do on himself. Grey opens the dialogue asking if he does? Tim says he thinks so…Such a huge step for him. I could cry. Hell I was misty when this scene happened. Tim then asks what Grey thinks of him seeing her regularly?

Wade's reply makes me heart so happy. That it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It really does. There is nothing scarier than asking for help. Especially with your mental health. Men have it easy in a lot of ways IMO. This is not one of them. They are told not to have feelings, or anxiety, god help them if they mental health issues. Tim coming to this place is incredible. This is a milestone scene for his character. I loved the writers tackling mental health this year. For doing it with Tim too. I could cry at how proud I am for him reaching out. For realizing something is amiss and knowing he needs to fix it.

As if this episode wasn’t making me cry enough. This final scene with Tamara gets me teary. Other than Tim and Lucy they’ve been my fav. Been beautiful to watch them both grow. It helped Tamara heal her untrusting heart. That unconditional love Lucy gave her never wavered. It helped rebuild her faith in people. In herself. I know it helped Lucy heal from Jackson. To show her to open her heart again after losing him.

They healed one another and it makes me emotional writing about it. They’re sisters and family all wrapped up in one. Hard to watch Lucy lose another piece of her life though. Truly hope this pain and loss helps her grow. If there is anything I've learned in therapy is that. Growing through the pain. I hope s7 treats her kindly after this harsh season. It’ll be make all the hurt she goes through so much better. I’ll be fascinated to see how s7 starts for her. How it progresses.

Where she’s at emotionally and mentally. My heart hurts for her in this season. So very much. I can’t even explain the level of ache I feel for Lucy. Our girl deserves the world and more. I hope she explores herself more next season. Tunes into how she doesn’t tend to take care of herself. Think she is on a growth journey of her own. It starts here though. I’ll be excited to see how s7 plays out for her. The end. of this scene is funny. Lucy begging her not to tell the car story at dinner LOL

This is gigantic growth right here. Coming here like this. Telling Dr. London that he was thinking on all she said. He is going against his better nature and reaching out. Admitting something is wrong and doing something about it. I know how hard it is to reach a place where you do this. What’s so beautiful about this development is Tim seeing he needs help. It's why he's here. He can feel something inside him is broken. He doesn’t know how to fix it so he is reaching out to someone who does. Tim can tell something is wrong and just wants to fix it.

To understand why and to get better. It is not a light decision to start therapy. It really isn’t. I ran away from my feelings for years. Damn near a decade really. Made light of the abuse I had growing up. Would crack jokes about it even. Because that was my defense mechanism. It was easier than dealing with what really happened to me. Ignoring how emotionally unstable and imbalanced I was due to it. I spent most of my 20s running away from help. From therapy. When it was brought up to me I would shoot it down like Tim. Call it nonsense and how I didn’t need it. I was also like Tim (Still am. WIP over here) and wrapped my identity up in the same stuff.

Being so fucking harsh on myself it was unreal. I still struggle with giving myself grace. I feel I’ve gotten better but it’s still a daily battle. It’s hard to explain the feeling you get when you know you can’t out run your demons anymore. There is just something that goes off inside you like an alarm. It tells you it doesn’t feel right, that you don’t know how to fix it, but it is time you ought to. All I know is it is different for everyone. What set me off is very different from Tim’s. His was a past mistake that came with a side of buried trauma.

Mine was a kind comment meant to make me feel good. Also some buried trauma. I was helping this sweet old lady who was a client of mine. She noted the earrings I was wearing and said they were nice. Told her my mom gave them to me with no emotion in my tone. I’ll never forget the sweet look in her eyes as she told me ‘Your mother must love you very much.’ What should’ve been a nice comment was a huge trigger for me. My mother is some of my deepest seated trauma. It set me off like nothing ever has before.

Her saying that unlocked this pandoras box of emotions. One I spent nearly a decade suppressing. I got into my car afterward and cried. I texted my sister telling her I think it was time I got help. I felt something was wrong. Wrong enough to do something about it. My repressed emotions had clawed to the surface for air. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had to get help. Something was broken and I needed the help to fix it. So that brings us back to Tim in this moment. To why he is standing here right now before Dr. London.

He tells her she is right. That he is mad at himself. We can see the realization just wash over Tim. Like he’s opening his eyes for the first time in forever. We can also see the disappointment on his face when she says tomorrow. He is wanting to talk about this right then and there. I’m same way (shock surprise I know.) Blair sees this and asks if it’s an emergency? Tim doing what he does best says no. Trying to do the “honorable” and not burden her with his needs. Because it’s easy to see yourself as a burden to everyone when you’ve been treated like one most of your life.

It’s what makes Tim digging deep and saying no I need this now below so massive. Watching him advocate for himself *sigh* I wanna cry. Because this scene is HUGE for him. I remember thinking to those who were hating on him at the time. If you can’t grasp how groundbreaking this is. You don’t get his character at all. Nor have you ever struggled with mental health issues or asking for help. Anyone who was nasty about his mental health made me so mad. To be that cold and insensitive meant to me you were emotionally immature yourself. I'll die on that hill happily.

If you need help understanding Tim in this moment or this episode please use my experience. What happened with me and what it took to bring me to therapy. Because they are similar. That is this man in this moment. Realizing Ray resurfaced all his demons. They came up for air and weren’t going away this time. Just like mine. This is Tim’s ‘Come to Jesus’ moment in regard to his mental health. He’s standing here because everything Dr. London told him rang true. Hit a chord inside him it was time to get right.

The thing is he doesn’t know how to handle it. Which is why he is reaching out like this. I do wanna say Lucy got him to a better place for him to do this. S1 Tim wouldn’t have reacted this way to Dr. London. Not at all. I don’t wanna forget the impact she’s had on him. But this is not Lucy’s problem to fix. She even stated that in their scene together. She is not the one which sucks. But this is not her journey to be on. A healing journey is a very personal and vulnerable thing. It’s one you have to do by yourself. (And with your therapist)

My friends and family helped prep me for mine. I’m so grateful for that. To get me to place where I could see I needed the help. But it was up to ME to take that first step. That's what this scene represents for Tim. Taking that ever so painful and scary first step into healing. Tim can see the work he has to do and that is progress. I truly truly hope he continues therapy in s7.

Despite Blair. I’m so excited they went this path with him. Didn’t just try and fix them and gloss over the fact he needs help. Appreciate the proper care they took with this SL. It also may not have felt like it at the time. But it’s paving a path of healing for them in the future. Tim’s head right will be best for them when they heal and reunite. Phew This was a doozy to tackle. I hope you all enjoyed it. And those who didn’t read my mini can see Tim’s POV and the WHY of everything. As I’ve said many times it is not to excuse but to explain.

Side Notes-Very Much Chenford

This will be Chenford related . I wanted a section to go over this glorious song 'The Ventura Exit.' Just wasn't room in the review to do it. So I'm doing it my side notes. More I listened to it the more it was perfect for this episode. Especially with what Lucy's is going through. It feels very much from her POV. The lyrics hit so much and have to be acknowledged IMO. First couple are just angsty musings from the song. They clearly aren't canon but evoked these thoughts in me. Others felt more canon driven.

"The first night I woke up four times on your side of the bed." This lyric could be said of the both of them. But this makes me think of her reaching out to his side in middle of the night. You know she probably still had on and off nightmares about DOD. Reaching out to him being a default for her. I could see that first night of their breakup this happening. This song put stuff in my head I had to get out lol

"Fighting muscle memory expecting a hand to be there when I reach out. Taking the Ventura exit to your house." This song is playing through out the rest of the episode. You can hear the lyrics if you really listen. I'm sure she fought the auto pilot to his house during that week as well. I know we only see them at her place but you know she was over there a lot too. Probably had her own drawer and all that. "I don’t hate you, but the more I think on it you let me down (You couldn’t see me. You stopped believing)" This encapsulates everything in this episode for Lucy. She doesn't hate him but he let her down SOOO much. He couldn't see her in their fight. He stop believing in them. Believing in her. So heartbreaking how perfect this song is. I wanna cry. "I miss you, I miss you, I’ll never forgive you. I wish I was with you I miss you I miss you I’ll always forgive you." I loved it ending on this lyric. Starts out with anger and never forgiving then it does. Because that is true of Lucy. She misses him so much but is so damn angry with him. But wishes she was with him. Which is why the ending lyric being that gets. me in the feels. We know she'll always forgive him. She loves this man too much not too.

I believe that's what we'll see in s7. Especially with him working on himself. That and giving her whatever doses she allows for him to show how much she means to him. This lyric made me hopeful for the first time since 6x05. If you don't have this song I highly recommend buying it. Not only is is perfect for this episode and them. It's just a REALLY good song. You can listen to it in full in the link I posted though. Thank you for all the likes, comments ( I LOVE comments don't be shy ha ) and reblogs. You are the reason I do these. I shall see you in 6x08 :)

[kittywritingsonao3]

i had an idea about an AU my s-class hunters inspired debut or die so i'm sharing it ^^ i wrote it fast without thinking much so don't take it too seriously...

! there's big spoilers for debut or die novel so don't read if you don't want to be spoiled !l

like in canon, yoohyun left yoojin (for x reason) and yoojin is well, sad. Until one day he woke up in is brother body, several years in the past, with the ultimatum of debuting as an idol or he will die. Of course yoojin is not going to let his brother body die, and like in dod, every information about himself disapeared.

so like, contrary to moondae, yoojin don't know much about idol, so I had different idea to "help" him. 1, the system window is talking to him and giving advice (newcomer) 2, yoohyun was a solo idol and yoojin keeped track of him.

anyway, idol inc happens and for the group i was thinking on making a mixed group (discarding season 2 of idol inc).

for the group i imagined yoohyun(yoojin) as a leader/singer, yerim as a main rapper/dancer, noah main dancer/singer (inspired ahyeon) and then... i don't really know :/ i like myeongwoo but i can't really imagine him singing/dancing or rapping so... since the groupe is "young" i wondered if i could put soyoung too? but then i couln't do a jupiter "groupe", and at the same time having hyunjae and soyoung around the same age? weird. So yeah, apart from noah and yerim i'm not sure about yoojin's group. of course yoojin would take care of everyone and everthing, this guy don't change.

for hyunjae, well, it's easy to say he's taking the place of cheongryeo!

as i was typing i realised that myeongwoo could be a producer, like raebin. so maybe singer/producer? since there's a lot of singers, soyoung should be a rapper.

anyway, let's go back to hyunjae. hyunjae is an all rounder obviously, the king of everything, except he don't really do live and variety show. contrary to cheongryeo i like to think he would do a lot of solo stuff outside of the groupe.

talking of the group! of course mixed again. at this point i'm a bit strugling because i don't know if i want hyuna to be in the same groupe as hyunjae or another girl only group. if she's in a gg, she would be with riette and nonames. if she isn't, i like the lineup hyunjae, hyuna, taewon, evelyn and maybe riette. i don't know about making riette an idol if hyuna is with the other. she could be someone who work in the industry, and cause trouble to noah but have a good relationship with soyoung.

for the roles i'm not sure, but rapper/main dancer hyuna is good, singer evelyn, rapper taewon maybe?

going back to hyunjae, like cheongryeo he came back multiple time in the past to achieve the missions. and he would probably annoy yoojin a lot, but as time pass, they would reach a relation of trust and try to break the system together.

yoojin will remember about a past he forgot, his suicide and the other life of everyone (yerim, noah, myeongwoo but also hyuna, taewon and hyunjae) and how yoohyun saved his life with the system.

contrary to dod, i think it would be better if yoojin return to his body. and i have two ideas at how it can happens. 1 well, uh, magic. yoojin live in his body, but everybody who isn't aware of the system think that the idol yoohyun always looked like that and was always named yoojin. he kept being an idol, and his brother continue being his number 1 fan. for those who read the novel, it's like the arc "Company <System> update" where everybody forgot moondae. idea 2, since yoohyun got back in his body he became an idol, replacing his brother. yoojin became their's manager, and hyunjae always try to get him become his manager's group ;)

this is the end, my brain cannot do much more for now ^^' if i have other idea, i'll share them but for now that's all. if you got inspired feel free to write about it, just mention me that's all i ask. and link me your work so i can see it (☆▽☆)/

[gothicxreylover]

Hello I have recently become obsessed to reading about platonic yandere Dazai with a younger sibling, I would love to see how you think they would interact and especially how he would act and feel towards his sibling. Maybe show the difference between pm! Dazai and present Dazai if you think there is some! -🦊

Sure I wouldn't mind! I hope you enjoy this! Tumblr had deleted my other process on this 3 time already 😭

warning- mentions of physical violence( such as kicking,slapping, shooting etc), ADA Dazai being a pain in the ass, mention of depression and death, mentions of bones breaking. (I think that's all)

Being the younger sibling of Dazai is something alright. His lazy and annoying behavior gets on your nerves a lot especially since he knows it bothers you. He likes to coo you and treat like a 5 year-old knowing dam well you're (whatever the age you want to be).

But he isn't always like this. When you hang out with your friends without telling him he gets upset. Not that your spending time with your friends it's just that you didn't tell him. He doesn't want you roaming around the city at night when the port Mafia members or bad peop are roaming around.

Once you get back from home he'll be sitting down on the chair staring into Oblivion. His eyes look dull as he started at you, a guy feeling from your stomach told you that you were in for a lot of scolding. He would raise his voice at you telling you that you shouldn't be roaming around the city with your friends at the middle of the night. And that he wouldn't know that you could be in trouble and he wouldn't know that you'll be died in a ditch somewhere.

Eventually he'll stop and hug you tightly telling you to not do it again or so he'll break your legs as a joke (he would do it)

Asking about his past isn't a good conversation for him and you to have. He wouldn't tell you anything and say it isn't your business to know what he dod when he was younger. If you keep pushing it he would most likely tell you to shut up but if you still kept pushing it lord help you that only a slap is what you'll receive.

Overall ADA Dazai isn't so bad as long as you told him where your going, don't ask about his past or his bandages then you'll be fine.

PM Dazai is really different from ADA Dazai. He wouldn't have a good relationship with you and would most likely hate you. Of course, he'll be sarcastic, push you around time to time but you actually left him he would miss your presence.

Since he works in a dangerous environment he doesn't like you getting involved with such violence. He wouldn't let you see him killing someone or hurting someone thinking you might turn out the same way like him.

Sometimes if you do get on his nerves or fight with him he wouldn't hesitate to hurt you. He would slap you, kick you, maybe even punch or shoot you. He just wants you to know that what he's doing is for you and it's to protect you from the bad people out there.

It's not a healthy place to live with him but it isn't that bad besides the talking of how he wants to kill himself because of you. He would have fun and take you to places like parks or arcades. He still wants the best for you and you to live your life and not end up like him

My dearest apologies if this sucks my English isn't very good and I'm still working on it.

[theflyindutchwoman]

You can choose to see that tattoo as your greatest failure. But I see it as proof that you're a survivor. It wasn't your day of death, Officer Chen. It was the first day, of the rest of your life. And no one can take that away from you.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 2.12 - Now and Then

This has to be my favourite moment, along with Lucy making an audiobook for Tim… Maybe it is because these two scenes have a very similar vibe… both of them taking place in the gym… with both Tim and Lucy working through their frustration in the same fashion… and making the other feel more empowered… Back then, she was fiercely telling him that his 'learning disability' was nothing to be ashamed of, and instead, was a strength… And here he is, saying something akin, just as passionately : that her tattoo isn't a sign of weakness or failure on her part, but one of strength. Of resilience. It's more than just reassurance : it's really about empowering the other… And this is genuinely a beautiful and powerful message, that epitomises their relationship perfectly...

The way the camera focuses on Lucy's DOD tattoo, with Tim appearing in the background, before he fully comes into focus, is brilliant. Him looking away, pretending he hasn't seen it, out of respect for her and complimenting her instead, is such a simple, but meaningful thing. Just like how he refuses to take any credit for the way she is. The reverence and pride in his voice are all for her. He's trying to drive his point home, but Lucy is not hearing him. Or at least, not entirely. He's about to leave before changing his mind. You can see the moment he decides to go for it and really talk to her. Something he has been trying to do already, like after he heard she was involved in a shooting : only, he kept it light in that moment, not daring pushing her out of her comfort zone. But his conversation with Nolan made him reconsider his approach, once he realised that her friends were too focused on her tattoo, treating its removal as a magical cure to her emotional wounds. No matter how well intended they are, it doesn't work like that. Something he knows all too well.

So instead, Tim opens up about his own traumatic experiences, share his own history and scars to help her… And this is huge for him. Lucy might have known about Isabel, but this is the first time he mentions his childhood and his dad to her (at least, as far as we know : he did it once while playing football with AJ, but she wasn't around). It's a very personal and intimate topic and the fact that he willingly shares this vulnerable part of himself with her says a lot on how much he trusts her. And it also feels natural : they were already getting closer, but regardless, this is the same man who opened up about his personal life on her second day. He has seen how she was there for him time and time again, with Isabel of course, but even recently, with how she made him feel safe after discovering he was a kinesthetic learner. So now, this is his turn to do the same for her, to respond in kind. And it parallels what Nyla was trying to do with Lucy when she shared her very own experience in the shop… and with Tim when she shared pieces of it in order to convince him to let her ride with Lucy for the day. He took a page from Harper's playbook, understanding that it might help Lucy more.

But unlike Nyla, Tim goes a step further. The reason why Lucy wasn't quite as receptive with her is that she needed more than empathy. It helped her of course, but what she requires even more is seeing her trauma in a different perspective. To see it through someone else's eyes. Tim's eyes. They already have a special bond and his opinion matter a lot to her. She can get through to him like no one else and so can he. But this is even more important since they haven't been able to ride together since that fateful day. She thought at first that the change in TOs for the day was a Tim Test. So it is primordial that she knows he doesn't think less of her. Just like he probably also doesn't want someone else he cares about to believe they're not living up to his standards… And at first, Lucy was getting frustrated with him as well. Even angry that he wasn't getting it. Until he started to emphasise on the fact that she didn't die, that she's still very much alive and therefore won, just like she defiantly warned Caleb in her last words to him. He's trying to get her to focus on that victory. That what she sees as a sign of failure, is instead a sign of resilience. Of her own strength. And I absolutely love how going forward, she will rub her tattoo whenever she's getting nervous, as a reminder of this. Because this is such an earnest and powerful message. At no point does he tell her what to do with this or how to feel about it - which was inadvertently what Jackson and Nolan were doing. It's simply about pushing her to see things under a different prism so she can make an informed decision. One that will bring her peace. To help her see herself the way he does : as a survivor, as someone who saved herself. Not a victim. It's about her retaking some control of her own story. And this time, she gets his message… The way she is clearly moved by his words, tearing up, just shows how much she needed to hear these words. Especially from him.

The tone of the scene instantly changes after that, becoming much lighter… Without undermining the core message either. This is a much needed respite, after that intense conversation. Tim looks so self-conscious and bashful when Lucy thanks him, like he's suddenly feeling under the spotlight. His whole demeanor - hands in his pockets, rocking on his feet, asking her if she's riding with him - feels very much like a teenage boy asking the girl he has a crush on to go on a date with him, while trying to be nonchalant about it. His beaming smile when she agrees is adorable. Her laughter as well… It's clear he has missed riding with her. They both have.

And that leads us to that last part : Tim giving Lucy back her ring. The one she left behind for him to find… There are so many symbols here… Like the fact that he had it in his pocket the whole time, even though he was about to leave her alone at first… The implication that he kept it with him, that he hung on to it, as a reminder that she was safe now, that he found her… It's how he's playing with it as well, as if a part of him is a bit reluctant to part with it… It's the way they don't even need words : they both understand the underlying message… It's in his smile before he leaves, the admiration he feels for her shining bright in his eyes… Or her surprise and delight when she catches her ring, having the confirmation that she was right to have so much faith in him… And how overwhelmed she is, to know that this tiny piece of jewellery, thrown as a last-ditch effort, saved her… That she saved herself. This moment encapsulates everything he has previously said in a very poetic manner… It was the perfect conclusion. Melissa deserves all the credit here for pitching this idea to the showrunners and writers, who, then, turned it into this wonderful scene. And hopefully, there will be a follow up one day on this...

[talewind-arts]

Hi I'm Aromantic and struggle to comprehend subtle and complex romances. So here's what I like about the simple, squishy, sappy, DoD romances!

-Clay/Peril

Clay grew up being told he was a monster, just like Peril. He sees a part of himself he has seen nowhere else in her and believes deeply that she is good, just as he believes he and everyone else is good.

Meanwhile Peril is 2 inches from his face staring and blushing and bubbling over the one dragon who was sincerely, openly, and unabashedly kind and genuine in a way nobody else could. Also he is the first person to be able to touch her, literally and figuratively and it's fucking hilarious any time the DoD shows they all know and he doesn't.

-Tsunami/Riptide

Two people whose lives have been out of their control since forever. They understand each other in ways only people who have had to learn how to flail around in the dark can.

Plus Riptide being in the Talons of Peace and Tsunami being royalty/the seawing egg is so juicy. Tsunami is, to no fault of her own, the cataclysm for everything about Riptide's life. Riptide is a member of the organization that Tsunami hates more than anyone, far more than the other at best resentful DoD. Their empathy and crushes for one another must be held at bay. Both are extremely loyal and have their own duties, and at the same time care too much for the other to enact those duties in a way that would directly bring harm.

It's a perfect display of the complex morals of Tsunami's character/book.

-Glory/Deathbringer

(I'm in the camp that scavenger logic does not apply to dragon age cause I love these two and its fiction, I do not condone pedophilia nor do I think it applies here. If you disagree that's totally OK, but if you feel the need to debate, I'd honestly rather it be about the actual psychology of the relationships so that I may learn more about this rather alien concept)

It's so fucking cool that after Glory's parental figures tried to kill her, she meets an assassin meant to do the same, who even though it is his job, actively and vocally tries not to kill her. AND THEN he becomes her bodyguard, making sure she never gets killed. It's SO GOOD.

Anyhow much like Glory, Deathbringer grew up an outsider. He is a healthy, continent bound, silly Nightwing, as unheard of as a fierce, serious, sarcastic Rainwing. Deathbringer says it himself, Glory fascinates him, I think he sees himself in her a lot, which is a uniquely new feeling for someone who broke free of the Nightwing’s trademark ‘all for the plan, none for the self’ mentality. At the other end, Glory's life is/was very unstable, and she constantly grapples with self worth and feeling like she doesn't belong. Having someone who constantly gives her affirmations (clearly crushes on/is attracted to her, finds her deeply funny and interesting, believes strongly in her choices) is so important for her. She needs someone who will worship the ground she walks on just as much as Deathbringer needs someone who can step on him who knows what it's like to be on the outside looking in.

-Starflight/Fatespeaker

(FYI I haven't done much thinking on these two yet, this may be subject to change)

All Fatespeaker ever wanted was friends. Heck, she actively lies to herself that she has friends in the false dragonets, who instead take any chance they get to berate and annoy her. Like all the false dragonets, Fatespeaker is a deliciously fascinating warping of Starflight. Both groups poke fun at their annoying Nightwing nerds, but only the DoD care enough to prompt Starflight to infodump, and they only tease him because they know he could dish it back. This was the life Fatespeaker thought she led, so of course Starflight piqued her interest. He is everything she wants to be.

Meanwhile, Starflight as we all know is totally into bubbly and hopeful personalities. In fact, his book is entirely started by him having some of that hope himself. Fatespeaker is hopefulness to the MAX. Starflight needs to be around her, to ground himself with that hope and kindness and reckless abandon, to keep his mind from racing. Just as Fatespeaker needs to learn what healthy relationships are from Starflight and those around him. They ground each other in ways they wish others could, in ways they have been searching for their whole lives, and even if they don't end up together (They will cause it's a sappy book but I headcanon it going either way)

So those are my thoughts. Please share your own if you have them, and keep in mind I'm Aromantic so if I missed any subtext…woops! Maybe add it onto this post so I can learn? Thanks for reading!

[butchriptide]

From what I gather, people tend to dislike Riptide because he’s just kind of some guy. He’s just awfully average. He’s only really describable vaguely because his personality isn’t very loud or well-spoken for. Next to Tsunami, he ends up hitting kind of dull, simply because she’s louder and bolder and, for the duration of her book, has a lot of other, more important shit she has to be getting to.

Ultimately, though, I like Riptide as much as I do because of these elements. I think he’s an interesting balance to the characters presented in Book 2, and I think he’s incredibly interesting as a love interest to Tsunami.

Riptide doesn’t really seem to aspire for much; nothing like the grand, sweeping, war-ending efforts of the DoD. He joins the Talons for information on his dad, which is perfectly understandable given that he was a dragonet when he did it, had no reason to believe they were abusing children under a mountain somewhere, and was already orphaned for the crime of being related to his deadbeat father.

He’s uniquely hated by, and also works for, a Queen known for flying off the handle and brutalizing guards in the main foyer. His simplicity in response to horrific circumstance is frankly compelling to me.

The fact that he remains a generally sweet, amicable person is interesting simply because I’d argue he has every right to be so much more bitter than he is. The quiet half-lengths of his personality make sense for someone who kind of necessitates the background, when his boss would happily kill him without second thought if she found the given impulse at any moment. Tending to omit information is an understandable practice if you’re kind of expecting to live with the guillotine above your head.

Maybe I’m just aromantic, and so I’m missing some secret element to romance writing that all the allos are keeping from me, but I didn’t really need more of Ripnami to be sold of the dynamic. They’re young love, they’re allowed to be fast to me. They don’t have to be built to last, but I think they’re cute if they or for however long they do. And frankly, I think Book 2 is incredibly well paced. It’s a mystery narrative, there’s not much time to get her kisses in while Tsunami’s solving what’s up with that murder statue.

Riptide’s presence in the book did sell me on the two of them though. In direct contrast to Coral, where Tsunami is her own DAUGHTER, Riptide simply… Trusts Tsunami’s competency and ability. At every turn. Yet he keeps information from her, as previously mentioned, but in every case where she’s had to strike out on her own in that book, he’s simply gone, “Okay. Stay Safe. I Believe In You.”

When Coral’s the most other prevalent relationship in the Sea Kingdom at that point-beyond Anemone who’s baby leashed and isn’t even allowed much in the way of her own personal opinion with Coral almost always around-It’s so important for Tsunami to have someone who wholesale believed in her abilities. After being loomed by the constant guilt and questioning and doubt of the Arena and Starflight’s sudden shift in behavior, it’s especially important that Riptide always trusted her personal character at that.

I think it makes sense that the Talons deal wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for Tsunami. She’s brash and opinionated, not unreasonable. Riptide, as mentioned, joined the Talons as a dragonet, and was kept much in the dark about the details of the DoD. Tsunami’s not so hasty as to not understand where he’s coming from or be able to get over it, especially not about someone she comes to care about.

I especially like them because there’s nothing in Riptide’s simplicity that inherently asks Tsunami to “settle down”. Tsunami is not someone wanting for an easy life, and I think Riptide’s reworking of the Talons of Peace in junction with the Jade Academy makes a lot of sense. I understand that, Oh, Kids Book, returning readers will be so excited to see old characters in new series! But I do think Tsunami feels a little shoehorned in at the Academy, and I ultimately think her epilogue of Arc 1 being helping with the Talons effort would’ve made more sense; especially with how her outrage with the original Talons are so outspoken, a very “never let this be used to hurt anyone else like me” type ending for her would’ve been sweet I think. She doesn’t really ever seem the teaching type, not even when she’s actively trying to be in Arc 2.

I just think maybe people don’t give Riptide the time of day, which is unfortunate, because he’s one of my favorites. He doesn’t get much, but I think what we do see implicates a lot of interesting subtext to him.

All that said, he’s still better as a butch he/him lesbian, but that’s not because i think he’s bad as is I just am also a lesbian. hope this helps

[theawkwardanglophile]

I got asked this question and loved it so much, I wanted to open it up to the group.

If you could choose 5 Chenford scenes to rewrite, which would you choose, and how would you rewrite them?

Thank you for the question, Becca! ❤️

First and foremost, I would save us all a lot of heartache and not have them break up in 6x06! I would've kept the angst, at least some of it, but show that Tim feels broken and doesn't know how to go forward, but Lucy would be there with him through it. I don't want to add much more to this here, because I'm still hoping to finish cranking out a 6x06 fix-it fic. 😉

Most of 5x16. Yes, the necklace, "fuel for later", and that one 10-second scene of them in bed together is all great, but there was so much lacking for Chenford in this ep, because they were trying to cram in a story for every couple, and there just wasn't room, and left a lot to be desired. I would want them to dive in more with the 5-player-trade discussion, instead of dismissing it so quickly. And then Noah giving them a golden opportunity to have a real discussion about UC, but nope. Plus so many unanswered questions! Did Noah come back and stay with them? Who told Tim about the trade? Was Tim feeling any jealousy toward Noah? And Lucy saying Tim hadn't called her Hot Pants is...a weird line. I'm sorry.

The scene at Nolan's in 5x13. It's adorable, yes, but it could've been so much more. It could have had Tim and Lucy come clean to everyone about secretly dating, and we could've gotten everyone's reactions. Maybe they don't get all the post-its down in time, so Tim questions her, and she comes clean on what they're doing (thus eliminating the 5x16 fight altogether), and the two of them start having this whole discussion in the living room forgetting everyone is listening, and ohhhh, I might need to write a fic.

The ending of 4x07 had us all scratching our heads as to why Tim suddenly called off the bet, with no real explanation, after two episodes of competition. It felt very incomplete. A theory I've had for a long time is Nolan being kidnapped brought back a lot of DOD thoughts for Tim, and he felt like he needed to get serious again. And for him to actually admit that to Lucy could've led to a really sweet, amazing moment for them.

This is going to be controversial, but the very end of 5x01. I would not change a lot of their talk in the hallway, but I would have found a different way to show there was romantic tension there without them being willing to cheat on their significant others. They have both been cheated on, plus Tim's dad cheated. I just don't like the implication, flimsy UC excuse aside, that they would have gone through with cheating had Chris not been bleeding out. And I hate that, because Tim walking into the apartment was such a clear, definitive action that showed his attraction to her. So I would hate to take that away, but maybe they could have had an almost kiss in the hall or something instead? I don't know.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

I used to looooathe Glory. I thought her bad mood and constant sass was really annoying; however, I came to realize how a lot of her behavior stems from her abuse. Since then, she has become waaaay more of an interesting character to me.

Kestrel and the other guardians (but mostly Kestrel) always berating her and making her feel useless is probably why she started off as so snappy and pessimistic. She didn't see much of a point in trying to be better because nothing she ever did was good enough to them.

She doesn't show her emotions because crying or getting angry would've made her vulnerable to further abuse from the guardians. Some people find it strange that Glory doesn't seem shaken after using her venom on someone, but with this in mind, I think her cold attitude makes sense. She buries her feelings deep down (she doesn't even like to let her emotions slip through her scale color).

I doooo have to admit that it's little irritating to me that ever since the first arc, pretty much every dragon that isn't a villain automatically adores her? I guess dragons like Snowfall are initially skeptical of her, but they come to admire her pretty quickly. Of course!! It's great that she's finally getting appreciation after a childhood of neglect, but it just feels a bit forced to me.

I also think she becomes a little bland after the first arc, but I think that's because we don't get things from her POV anymore and generally just isn't that involved. As I said before, Glory tends to keep her thoughts to herself. Plus, she's learning the ropes of being a queen, so she's probably trying to be more mature.

Contrary to what a good chunk of the fandom believes (and what I used to believe), Glory definitely isn't a "Mary Sue." Yes, she achieves a LOT, but she is still flawed. Honestly, I think that term is often used just to be sexist :/ But that's a whole different debate.

This is a pretty shallow analysis; Glory is a surprisingly complex character (so are the other DoD tbh). But I don't have the energy to do a deep dive right now 🥲 So yeah. You can still dislike Glory (even with all of that said, I myself still feel kind of neutral about her), but don't brush her off as OP or a Mary Sue or whatever.

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