#i just had it

[shakemelikeasnowglobe]

Fernando: I know it must sound controversial after all Lance is nearly five years younger than I.

Lewis*tired*: in what Fernando Dog years?

[apoorhuman]

Mc: do you ever get a sharp pain in your chest but when you breath the pain got worst and you just thought "yeah, my time has come"?

The brothers: *looking at mc with a concern face* ..... No...

Mc: oh really because I just felt it, and right when I'm *inhaled sharply* it fucking hurts

The brothers: i- MC STOP THAT

[dandelions-and-white-wolves]

I get everything laid out and WHERE IS PIECE 15

[bbrrambo]

i have lost my tv remote despite literally having it 30 seconds ago.... i've looked everywhere .... the bed, under the bed, my laundry basket, inside my dresser, the bathroom counter, the fridge..... WHERE DID IT GO.....

[routetoroadkill]

Cursed thought: John Seed would have been a Supernatural fan

[thatbendyfan]

[hauntingrabbits]

comic

[puppppppppy]

filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^

[housederiva]

My housemate's cat came into my room while my dictation was on...

(here's the fic btw)

[noodles-07]

to be fair to Cain if nobody had ever died before and I didn't know it was possible I would probably also hit my brother over the head with a rock if he was being really annoying

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[bulbabutt]

i don't know the etiquette for posting other peoples tiktoks but the delivery of this punchline hit me like a FUCKING TRUCK please

NikhilClayton <- you should follow this guy on tiktok he's fucking hilarious

[razzafrazzle]

Just Checking In! (aka Something About Red Triangles)

[sapphicscience]

idk thinking about how sometimes you have to show up for people you aren't that close to, because sometimes you're just the person who's there. sometimes you invite a new friend to a party and end up having to sit with them through a panic attack. sometimes you run into an acquaintance on their worst day and they need to talk about what happened. sometimes someone is crying in a stairwell and you're the only one around to ask if they're okay. and none of this is "trauma dumping" or whatever the fuck it's just being there for people because you're the one in the room with them.

[shrubsparrow]

It's in the eye of the beholder

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!