#i actually really love how this came out. maybe i AM a good artist sometimes

[razzafrazzle]

Just Checking In! (aka Something About Red Triangles)

[hannathecartoonlover]

Drawing of my ocs

Annabelle,salamandra,Hollie and Charli

[gremlinandacrow]

Mouthwashing Headcanons

I may be cringe...But I am free! This is my first time actively sharing my headcanons. Sorry if this sounds incoherent, these were partially done on impulse because I wanna share my love for this game!!!

(Note: There's no mentions of Post-crash here!) (Note #2: Yeah Anya has the most, she's a queen and deserves it!)

Anya 🌕

Early to mid-30s

Tall! I imagine she's at least 5'8 (and her sandals provide an extra inch of height as well)

Russian (credits to @lesbiananya for this hc actually! Her fics are awesome!)

She moved to America in her mid-20s

Lesbian

Growing up, her family placed many expectations on her. Academically, she went beyond most of her class, but as she got older, she struggled immensely with various insecurities over being "good enough".

It developed into her feeling very hyper-independent. She only considers it her final option.

It's...Partially the reason why she's so estranged from her family now.

Undiagnosed autistic (currently going through burnout)

Major reason why she kept failing medical school: She kept running out of money she earned from working hauls with Pony Express. Is in debt.

On the ship, she...Doesn't do much. With such a small crew, there's very little chance of anyone getting seriously hurt. And the food...Well, it's terrible, but not enough to make anyone sick.

She spends a lot of time (during the "workday") in her office. She likes playing the music while she studies in there. It's mostly ambient music.

Bands/Artists I'd think she'd like though: The Crane Wives, Mitski, boa (Maybe Big Thief as well?)

When the crew is playing a board game and it's getting intense, she'll go eerily quiet and have this intense glare!

Smokes often, usually when she's stressed. Unfortunately on this haul, she only packed one box, so she making them last as much as she can...

Also has a journal. She mainly uses it to vent her frustrations out. It's the only thing that will "listen" to her.

She's cold to the touch

After her first haul, she packed extra blankets. You can't tell me the Tulpar isn't cold 24/7!

Near-sighted! She wears contacts (I know this isn't the most original headcanon, but I wanted to mention this one!)

Curly 🚀

Mid-30s

6'1

Born in Australia, raised in America after his family moved when he was young

Bisexual, but he didn't know for a long time (At least until his late 20s)

Parents had him when they were older. Both passed by the time he was 30.

Has been Jimmy's friend since middle school.

Kept finding himself surrounded by bad influences. Sometimes he'd get out of those situations...And other times he'd stick by Jimmy.

Doesn't have that much of a social life outside of Pony Express. As a pilot, it's a super demanding job.

Daisuke 🌺

21

5'7 (Shortest of the Crew)

Japanese/Filipino (Born to immigrant parents)

Aroace, but hasn't realized yet (struggling with comphet)

Trans! At first, only Anya knew (due to medical reports). He's pretty open about it!

Loves art, but his parents didn't understand how it could've been a stable career/passion for him.

Not a morning person at all. For a while, the hardest part of being on the ship was waking up before noon.

Used to Naruto run (honestly he still does it sometimes for fun)

Not a fan of coffee unless if it's 90% creamer + sugar.

Also doesn't like alcohol (even the sweeter drinks such like Pina Coladas, Cosmopolitans, etc.), prefers soda!

Reminds Curly of when he himself was younger (right when he started working for Pony Express)

Swansea 🦢

Early 50s

5'10

American (Southeast)

Also has Welsh ancestry!

Married, has three daughters. Two of them already left the nest. He's estranged from his family due to work.

Doesn't wear his wedding ring while working. Safety hazard.

Like Curly, he goes by his last name rather than his first.

Sees Daisuke like the son he never had!

Didn't really understand what Daisuke was talking about when he came out to him. Mostly because the intern was talking really fast and used a lot of lingo Swansea couldn't begin to wrap his head around.

But he eventually got it. He's still a bit confused, but willing to learn. Just not while he's busy working.

Jimmy 🐴

(Content Warning: Implied childhood abuse and neglect.) (Additional Note: I did not make these headcanons to excuse, downplay his actions, or make him sympathetic.)

Mid-30s (A little bit older than Curly)

5'11

American (Midwest)

Rough childhood. Curly was the only one who knew the full extent of what his homelife was like. However, when Curly wanted to tell people, Jimmy pressured him not to.

He fully believed that his life would get worse if anyone got involved.

As an adult, he believes he'll never be like his father.

Barely graduated high school

HATES being called "James"

His feelings towards Curly are complicated, to say the least. They have a codependent relationship.

Listens to crunkcore and country exclusively.

[writing-for-life]

Writing Is The Loneliest Art...

A couple of days ago, this piece of art with a Neil Gaiman quote flickered across my desktop, and it made me think, so longish post about writing, mental health and human connection ahead..

The actual quote says:

The hardest part of being a writer is that you get lonely. It's just you and the stuff in your head and nobody else can do it for you.

I used to be a performer. I spent a good 10 years of my life in theatres and on stage. That can be lonely, too, but in very different ways. You find a "family" for a short while, and then the show is over, and you all disperse to heaven-knows-where again. Some of these friendships last, others don't, but even the ones that do are hard to maintain because of the nature of the job (if you a very lucky, your paths may cross again for another show).

But the difference, to me, was that I had a physical outlet. That's also stressful in many ways, and being a performer is hard and emotionally taxing (plus, the industry sometimes makes you want to vomit). But it is a very different feeling to channel creative energy into something that is physical.

When I write, I only have the words in my head and the blank page; if I am lucky, the words will come out in a way that stops the page from being blank. And although I wrote "Writing Is The Loneliest Art" as a headline, I imagine this must be quite similar for visual/graphic artists.

I was a writer before I was a performer. I came back to my first love, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Writing always was, and still is, the most truthful form of creative expression for me. I am also lucky enough not to have to earn an income with it (although I do) because I have a job that takes care of that (and thankfully one that comes in handy for character development and world building). But it is very easy to become trapped in your head and thoughts, to stop engaging with the life that is out there. And that life is important--for inspiration, for self-care, for human connection. To break these connections, knowingly or unknowingly, is a real issue for many writers. If I am not careful, it happens to me, too. I have a family, and I am constantly teetering on the edge of spending time in my head or with the blank page when I should be present with them. I can snap myself out of it, but it is not always easy to do, and most writers can probably relate. Because thoughts are thoughts and ideas are ideas. They don't care when they pop into your head, and they will try to claim space, whether the moment is "right" or not.

I have a self-care routine in place to prevent myself from getting trapped in my own head (that's maybe for another post), but it takes effort and constant reminders to get up from my desk, get out, get fresh air and move. Because I'd rather be in my head and write. I am an introvert, like many writers, but that's not a big blanket permission to stop connecting with life. Introversion and loneliness are not one and the same, and writers (everyone really) need to understand the difference. You need to pick up that phone, see people and surround yourself with humans from time to time for your own sake. Not just through your job. You need humans around you whom you truly connect with.

But back to different art forms: As a performer, I had the direct interaction with my fellow performers, and with my audience. I cannot stress enough how important the latter is, and I have said this on here many times: Art comes alive through interaction and communication. It connects us through shared humanity. And there are art forms out there that take care of that connection by default--I have felt the difference, and it is profound.

Yes, we can still write or create art as a form of processing emotions, and from a psychological viewpoint, this is healing and helpful.

But art needs to be both created and experienced. Every art ultimately becomes meaningless without the viewer/reader/audience. Art is never a one-way street.

Writers tell stories, but these stories don't exist in a vacuum. They exist because we can't help writing them, and we would always do it anyway, but they also exist because we want you to read them. And it means something to us to know they moved you, made you laugh, made you cry, made you find out something about yourself you didn't know yet, or they just helped you forget about the troubles you are going through for a little while.

So if you appreciate art forms that don't have direct audience interaction, let the artists know you did. It is not annoying us. We are happy about it. Most of us want that communication. And writers probably need it most...

[pastel-rights]

I LOVE your art style! How did you came up with it?

huh? my art style??? uhhh, i mean i uhhhh if you want, i can explain how I got to this point but. sometimes, things just. happen yknow???

honestly my old art compared to the more recent of what I've done probably looks. very very jarring side by side since it looks like it was drawn by completely different people lol. For example, look at this early 2017 character concept verse a late (November) 2024 character concept.

It's. Definitely a lot to take in so uhm. Buckle up! [cue a heavy metal version of bye-bye-bye playing for atmosphere reasons]

So, I've been drawing as a hobby since about... 2009 give or take? However, the earliest art I have on hand is probably from... 2016 or 2015 tbh??? Although, I only really started keeping a fr fr log of my art from 2019 and onwards so, let's start with what I actually have to show.

It's all about the basics, anon!

Growing up, my art was inspired by the shows I watched growing up! in particular, shows like "Codename: Kids Next Door" and "Tom and Jerry" were my rock in childhood times (since I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob until I was much older and a majority of my "childhood" tv shows didn't start airing until later in my life, like Bubble Guppies (which aired in 2011) and Team Umizoomi and Octonauts (which both released in 2010) which, by then, the television was run by my younger brother's needs mostly, and I didn't get a say.)

So, I guess you could say my art was inspired by those two shows mostly???? of course, not... fully? hold on let me show you guys the earliest art I have to work with here-

these are all from 2019 since it's the furthest back I was able to save my art but. Looking at it, it doesn't look like it was inspired in the way artists are normally inspired by their environment. At least, that's not how it feels to me.

my art at this point was very... a lot of it was traditional in comparison to now, for starters. The color grades are completely off, the lining is. interesting. A lot of one shot one result type of shenanigans. Of course, it shares its origin with my childhood entertainment in general, which is being very cartoonish in style! On traditional grounds, I fucked around with a lot of different methods, some just pencil, some with markers, blah blah blah yada yada yada.

which, character design is my passion /ref if you couldn't tell. but my art style has always been very cartoonish and stylized, even in my earliest days. Big eyes, wild hair styles, noodly limbs, you know, the cartoonist hallmarks! If nothing else, my art style is more reflective of who I am as a person?? like the cartoons that formed me, it's very expressive and full of color and whimsy and in its own way, it's my way of thanking the world that taught me happiness and joy, and I draw to give others that same feeling.

Whether that be my friends' OCs or silly shitposts, I draw for the joy others get seeing it! Here look at this picture of my friend (@sxftriina)'s OC, Ocean, I draw way way back when lol

...

but at some point, I realized. My art didn't make me happy anymore. I didn't have fun drawing anymore. and it just became more of a chore to make than a fun hobby or a good time. I couldn't find the joy in art anymore. And I couldn't create anything I was proud of either.

I got stuck. It didn't matter what I drew, what things I tried. I couldn't make myself happy again. and while my art might not have suffered.

I did.

art was nothing more than a chore. something I had to do because I wasn't good for anything else.

and it made me severely depressed, among other things happening during those times.

so what does a burnt out depressed artist do in crisis times??????????

...

he joins tumblr, of course.

I wish I was joking. I'm not.

anyways so it was like 4am and I was like "let me join tumblr why the hell not maybe I'll find something there" and uhm. well I didn't find anything initially. and every day was as depressing as the last, and I eventually just. felt like giving up. I ran an askblog and drew a ton still because while it made me unhappy, I felt unhappier just. doing nothing. Lesser of two evils I suppose?

that was until I uh. I met someone really special to me. Even now.

if you're reading this, uh. hi lupi!

This was around the time I found Identity Five at the end of 2020, and began drawing fanart for the game, which restored... some joy to art? Not completely, but, I wasn't so miserable drawing during this time of my life. It felt like a chore still, but, at least now I was having some semblance of fun doing it. Not completely fun though... I was still stuck in a funk. I didn't know why.

And then, I met Lupi. At the time, she was following me through her askblog account (she still does) and I got curious and decided to check it out for myself and. I think if I never checked out Lupi's blog that day, my art wouldn't have taken the direction it did, and, I would have never regained my love for my craft.

Of course, I feel silly even talking about it so... I took a different direction with my art after scrolling through Lupi's art, which sometimes I'll do, even to this day just for fun sake. And this time... I don't know.

It just felt different this time. It wasn't the best, and it certainly wasn't easy either. But for the first time in over a year... I had genuine fun drawing again. No negative feelings attached.

Just... fun.

A lot of fun at that. A lot of things from this era of my style stuck. Like... a looooot. My color choices, my mini style, the flow, a lot of what I learned from this era stuck with me, even now.

it retains so much of the past yet it means so much more. it's still cartoonish, still small and squashed, funky hairstyles, noodle limbs, fun clothing... the whole nine yards.

Of course... this is only 2021 art. My art now, while similar... it's not the same. And it's all thanks to ONE RED HAIRED MOTHERFUCKER. not ginger, red haired. apples are red, not orange. /ref

It was the first time in. several years that I've drawn something just for me. Even if it was something small and silly while waiting for an after-school activity to start. It was something I remember really fondly, a feeling that wasn't just fun but. actual joy.

Not only that but, for as simple as it is, it marked the start of a very, very... very long long of stylization like never before. You take what makes you happy... piece by piece, bit by bit...

you learn... you grow... you improve upon skills you have... body language, expression, detail... all those things. You meet some really cool people along the way... you talk, you laugh, you cry.

you get inspired and you want to show them something new, something cool... and in doing so, you make something you never thought was possible. Not with your skills, and not in a million years.

But, you learn. you laugh. you watch. you grow.

you figure out what you like. cool colors, fun dynamics, shading, lighting, storylines... things like that. you inspire others, and those people inspire you in turn.

you learn some cool new poses, you draw some fun fanart for your friends aus, you try new things and those end up sticking.

sometimes it's just you and one other person, who stuck through, watching you draw until a piece's very end. because they like you for you. and they care. sometimes they never leave your side, and they continue to inspire you to this very day.

you have fun with what youre doing. there's not really any need to rush, you know? you look at new media, you talk to the people you care about the most, you make things to surprise them with. and they're happy. and you're happy.

and you want to keep drawing.

but you can't forget to draw for yourself sometimes. something just for you that others can enjoy, but, it wasn't made for others. it was made because you love yourself and you deserve something special. it's important to draw what you want for yourself.

and sometimes, it becomes your staple.

you put your best foot forward, you give it everything you've got! because it's not a chore. it's fun. it's a hobby.

and it makes you happy. your art becomes recognizable, people compliment it and enjoy its presence. even in passing.

...

I love my art style too, anon. i know its been a long while of me talking. telling my story, my experience with my art. how it built me. how it ruined me. and how I found myself again.

I didn't know how to answer your question when I first got this ask.

Because, I didn't know how I came up with it. In my mind, it just happened. But, I think I have an answer for you now.

For real this time.

My art style is a culmination of everything and everyone I love. Navi, Pins, Beth, Yuu, Tae, Klai, Joe, Rina, Lupi, Four, pretty much everyone I surround myself with on a day to day basis. Bit by bit, piece by piece, my art style is fueled by the love I have for my friends.

Every improvement over the years has all been so I can show them something fun, something new. So I can keep surprising them with each new piece I do.

But, it's not just my friends.

It's you too, anon. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Every like, every reblog, every comment and compliment. Every ask, every live reaction.

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me find my joy again. I hope I didn't disappoint.

[fishuus]

hi!! Your art is incredible and awesome... not sure how to say it otherwise but it's super tasty looking lol 🫶

I was wondering if you have ever posted what brushes do you use ? I am always on the lookout for nice brushes! Also if you've got any tips for inking, I'd appreciate it enormously. No worries if not! 💕

hi, thanks so much!

i mostly just use whatever defaults came with clip studio paint. for inking, my go-to is the the default marker pen brush (under the marker tab in pens), but sometimes i'll swap to the calligraphy one (should be in the pen tab), or this brush but with the pen pressure turned off. just depends on how i'm feeling about whatever i'm inking. when i want to add some texturing when toning, i use stuff like the spray or diagonal line brushes (again, should be included in CSP), i just make an eraser version of them so i can also use them on layer masks.

as for inking tips ... i don't have any hard and fast "always do x for y" advice but i rambled a little about how i approach it.

this first point is actually pretty straightforward, it's just to look at inking techniques by artists you like, think about what makes them work so well in their context, and try them out for yourself. this isn't about plagiarizing art styles but more about understanding how other artists choose to stylize certain things in their work, and seeing what works and what doesn't for you personally. sometimes it's through looking at other people's stylizations that you get a better understanding of how you want to approach translating this actual 3d object (people, clothes, background details, whatever) into your own art as well. as you try out various techniques, maybe you find that some of them work well with your own style, and some of them don't and you stop incorporating those. it's all a constant work in progress. over time you can adjust how you use them in a way that fits your own drawing methods and workflows and they just start to come more naturally to you. of course, they may and should change a lot along the way because now it's something that's part of your own style. work on developing a good eye for these things and be thoughtful about what you want to convey and how.

just as an example, daiya no ace by terajima yuji definitely has to be up there for me in terms of influences, the way he approached body lines and clothing folds as a way to convey movement and posing made a lightbulb turn on in my head back when i was still reading it.

not a comprehensive list, but other manga i just like looking at off the top of my head - rookies (morita masanori), anything by yamashita tomoko but i really recommend the night beyond the tricornered window for something that's easily accessible, anything by asada nemui (please check for content warnings for their works first though!), all-rounder meguru (endo hiroki), urasawa naoki's works, dungeon meshi (kui ryoko), witch hat atelier (shirahama kamome), yotsuba&! (azuma kiyohiko), a bride's story (mori kaoru), i recollect love (moegi yukue), the later works of tojitsuki hajime (unfortunately a lot of is now out of print and not accessible online but i managed to get all their books bc their commitment to crosshatching shaved heads each time impressed me so much LMAOSJDsd) etc, etc.

this second thing is much vaguer and harder to quantify but ... honestly just draw a lot and see what feels good to your hand. inking and art styles in general are fluid things. so much of what inking comes down to, to me, is just drawing the lines that in a way that feels good to me. that only really comes from doing it a lot (not saying i'm a hardcore artist or anything lol just that i've been drawing on and off for a while now) and, well, getting a sense of what you like doing. sometimes you might look at a detail you finished that looks really good but feels like a happy accident, and it kinda is, but it's also just as much of the things you've internalized over time. combining the first point (developing your eye and a sense of thoughtfulness about inking) and the second (getting experience through developing your muscle memory) is basically it.

idk if any of this made sense lol but hope some of it helps!!!!!

[crystallinestars]

FR I feel that if you tossed the Genshin guys into a romance sim, it would actually be pretty legit-looking. Now if only there were some sort of actual Genshin otome game 😭 (if I could romance Kaveh in such a game, I think I would die and go to heaven)

Yeahhh I feel that there is such a pattern among male and female characters. Like for female characters, I guess that the ones who are kind of more… “male-gazey” are less likely to be popular with women? Like in terms of both appearance and personality. Though even this is difficult to define. Ladies like Beidou and Dehya seem to be REALLY popular with girls, at least in the west (if I am wrong tho plz correct me). Even Navia (whose design I suppose shows a lot of skin) seems to be well-liked by guys and girls alike, I follow a girl on here who is absolutely crazy for her (and tbh I am no different 😭). To me I guess that for these three, they’re good role models for girls so that contributes to their appeal to women players? Cos they have strong, confident attitudes and kick hella ass, but they’re also kind + beautiful… so I suppose they’re like, people you could admire on an aesthetic and personal level but also you could aspire to be like them.

To be fair I like Lisa as I remember running around as her a lot when I first started playing (and chatting with her cai bot gets wild sometimes cos she’s always calling me out for like low self esteem, bad mentality, etc 😭😭), in general I like all of the girl characters ahahahah though for Lisa and many others I could def see how they’d have more appeal to guys.

And for guy characters, I’ve seen guy players admire Diluc and Alhaitham ! Like they have a sort of “masculine” appeal, aspirational for guys I think. I’ve even seen some guys on the Alhaitham subreddit start to hit the gym to become buff like him 😮 Sorry for digressing so much with this topic ahahah just that it is very interesting to consider.

My BF has been fueling my Kaveh love AHAHAHA like when I’m using his computer he lets me run around as Kaveh as I haven’t been able to pull for him yet. Now I have much more Kaveh merch than before but I think that I will try to amass even more…

Ooooo that makes sense, yeah cons do get pretty crowded esp in the areas like the artist alley where people are crowding around booths. And maybe it’s for the best that you avoid cons cos (TMI in advance) the con stink is REAL 😭🤢🤮 Though some of them apparently distribute deodorant or soap for attendees, hopefully it alleviates the smell…

Yeahhh Touhou is hella old, like the franchise is older than I am (I was born shortly before the first windows OS game in the series came out 🫡). I know that ZUN is still producing new official games about every 2-3 years, and for merch I see that there are fumo plushies for the newer characters coming out, a pleasant surprise. But I think the barrier of entry is much higher due to the nature of the games so it’s less “mainstream” for young people compared to Genshin, as Genshin you could easily download if you have phone, iPad, non-mac computer, etc. But from what I’ve seen, you could encounter stuff of the most popular characters at cons if you keep your eyes peeled.

On the topic of merch (crazy complaint incoming!!!)… so I posted a pic of my Kaveh haul somewhere and someone made a comment alluding to that ship. This was the first thing I saw this morning, and OMG I was so irritated that I straight up blocked this person 😭 Sadly I can’t remove their comment (this would be more ideal). I guess this is rather extreme reaction as the comment was harmless… though in the description I literally put some unhinged stuff about “oh me and Kaveh are gonna get married” so I was wondering how they did not get the hint that “oh, this person doesn’t care for that ship.” I am bewildered that the shippers are everywhere, feels bad cos in the community I’m in, most of them are so so sweet but majority of them are also shippers of that ship.

Like when I see an arbitrary pic of [any Genshin guy] or Aventurine, I don’t go “ooooh la la Lumine’s gonna get that” or “hehe Stelle or Topaz is gonna enjoy this” respectively… ofc this is first world “problem” but still… they tether Kaveh to feeble scholar so much 😭

Also I was on a small yumejoshi community and I found a girl who is also Kaveh enjoyer, and who also feels uncomfy with the shippy stuff. It was a pleasant surprise that there are other Kaveh likers with a similar POV to us, since from my observation I see that many of them like that one ship along with him.

This got so long and convoluted, I hope it is not difficult to read !!! It does not help that I am currently running on some 3 hours of sleep and a can of green tea (it has no effect on me). If there is anything that needs to be clarified plz let me know !

-🍓

Genshin girls in general are quite good, both on a design and personality level. Many of them are popular with women because, as you said, they look pretty while being badass. It also helps that the writing for female characters has improved significantly over the years, making them more fleshed out and complex.

I didn’t like Lisa’s flirtatious attitude at the start, but I have grown to love her a lot, and got excited whenever she appeared in events. I wish there was more of her, tbh. Navia is also my favorite Fontaine character overall! I saved for her so much.

I adore most of the Genshin ladies, actually. The only ones I dislike are Ei and Yae Miko.

Yeah, I think the cool and stoic type of male characters are more popular with guys. And I remember seeing that one guy on the Alhaitham sub! I wonder if he reached his goal?

I… never even thought about how stuffy and smelly cons would be. Lord, that makes me want to go even less. Ew 😣

I looked up when the first Touhou game came out, and it seems like it released the year I was born. So yeah, the franchise is hella old… But I thinks it’s nice that it still has fans even to this day. Even if it’s become harder to find fan content of it 😔

I’m so sorry you had to wake up to a comment alluding to That One Ship, especially since you simply wanted to share something you enjoy. The way a lot of shippers post obnoxious ship comments under art depicting a solo character is a serious problem. It’s very annoying to constantly be reminded of a ship you dislike, plus ruins the enjoyment you could have derived from the post itself. For whatever reason, I only see it happen for m/m and f/f ships.

It’s not wrong of you to block the person. If they make you uncomfortable, then the best thing to do is quietly block them. The Japanese and Chinese fandom communities often recommend to others to block liberally so they can create a safe space for themselves online and not see things they dislike. It’s all about protecting your mental health and having a comfortable space.

I am also sorry to say that a lot of people don’t check bios, or simply don’t care about your boundaries. Once, I had a few shippers of that ship follow me on Twitter despite my bio saying for fans of that ship to not follow me. Even after I made a tweet saying I’m uncomfortable with such individuals following me, one of them left a like and continued to follow me 😐 They knew but disrespected my boundaries, so I removed them.

It might seem harsh to block or remove people over ship differences, but in our modern era of toxic ship discourse and harassment, I don’t blame anyone for feeling triggered by certain ships or their fans. It’s much better to block a stranger online than subject yourself to psychological torture. The other person will forget about it in time, if they ever even find out you blocked them at all.

lol trust me when I say there are a much bigger number of Kaveh-lovers in the yume community who also don’t like his ship with a certain Scribe! I’m friends with a few of them. In fact, my entire social media circle is of Kaveh fans who like him exclusively with girls.

I feel like the Japanese and Chinese yume communities are better on that front compared to the English yume community. I try to stay away from English communities in general…

Sorry that my response also got so long. I hope you can get more than 3 hours of sleep tonight! The weekend is almost here, so here��s to hoping you can sleep in!

[cyberspookviv]

my experience with the hazbin/helluva hatedom and how I continued to hate myself from there on TW: vent/s*icide/problematic stuff

I guess I was lowkey kinda young when I found out about Hazbin/helluva (around 2023 and I am a minor around 12-18) I know i shouldn’t be watching that shit and considering how bad the fandom is now with kids I feel guilty but it wasn’t that “big” back then I didn’t like it at first but then I tried it some more there was too many cursing it kinda made me scared for once and a while but I sorta liked it? Maybe because it was my first experience with violent content? Idk ajsjdj

yet little did I know that it would be considered one of the most hated fanabases I seen in my entire life

I guess it was a primary fandom I was really into as embarrassing as it I just fell in love with the characters and lore a little “too fast” this was such a fun fandom to make aus and theories because of how fun the lore was it wasn’t good at all but atleast I had “fun” right? Sometimes now I thinking about it I was too obsessed with it and hell I was so distracted by all the fun stuff about it that I forgot about the criticism in the first place i wasn’t immune I tried to take it by watching videos online but it was….. harsh…. And shit hell sometimes I was kinda immune bc I still needed to continue most of hb lol but…I guess it got to a point where it felt…kinda bad maybe “too” flawed so I got scared I had experience with my interests being despised before and I didn’t want the same to happen again so I tried to defend it and that’s where the creator….comes in…..

.

I thought her imagination was…fascinating she had such passion and thought behind her shows…that she became… my role model…. So I tried to defend her…but tbh nobody really seemed to like her I tried sticking to people who defended her like ayy lmao

but then I realized about the stuff she did…

It make me look like a damn fool…

and what’s even worse people who defended her were called “dick riders” I then started seeing hate around her “with the written by vivziepop jokes” and the controversies on Twitter

I got anxious…. But at the end she was a bad person right…just separate art from the artist

but nobody liked the art either

Hazbin finally came out and there’s was either love or hate and tbh I got really back into Hazbin bc of the release of it being on “prime” but I knew something didn’t feel right I went on Twitter a lot “too much” actually and i discovered these rumors about her and if I defended these rumors about such terrible things I would just look like such a stupid pathetic dick sucking retard so I forced myself to hate her either way so I forced myself to go online and read “hh/hb critical” content but then I began to hate myself even more they painted her as such a terrible person but i agreed anyway because it was the “truth” but then again she was my idol…my role model….i got so anxious and I never even gave a damn about the shows writing making it even worse when it came to criticism it was noticeable in the show but I choosed the ignore it and when I saw ppl complaining online I felt like a complete pathetic asshole for liking it and what’s worse they would say shit like “she’s manipulative and narcissistic and her fans are nothing but dick riders that are thoughtless and can’t take criticism and deserve to die in a fucking fire” it made me want to absolutely k*ll myself and made me feel like i wasn’t worth living

THIS SHIT FUCKING EXPLAINS IT ALL

I wanted to talk to somebody or a therapist desperately about this but I loved her and her shows so either way my behavior was fucking creepy making me hate myself even more because my story was never “valid”

so I just ran away

I’m doing better now….i still miss the shows tho even though most people call it “toxic” for supporting a “horrible” person but still have that charm when i see it or see posts about it it makes me remember how “happy” i use to watch it and the fact that i had to ran away a join better fandoms that were accepted by people and wouldn’t make me feel ashamed and wanting to end my life i just finally…finally decided to share this post now despite how controversial it may get i might honestly get death threats or hate comments tbh lol

but I just want some people to know out there about my experience because I just desperately need a heartwarming comment right now to make sure that I’m not alone please…I just wanted to have fun I’m doing better now…. I just want everything and I mean EVERYTHING to be ok…

I just want to be accepted…..

.

[crazylittlejester]

I'm still on my Four Swords brainrot detour so you get to hear all about that today. Consider this my vote for you to read the book. I have the legendary copy, it was my big summer purchase last year (it's not that expensive, I'm just a broke college student) and I love it to pieces. I'm usually more into LU due to the fact that the FS fandom is pretty small and I'm not very active in it and my favorite artist is on hiatus. However. When the brainrot circles back around I am stuck in it for a while.

Anyway, it's the only LoZ game I've written anything for (except HW but that was a short bit about gender crises so it hardly counts).

I've taken inspiration from @zarvasace's series Shatterproof, and started working on a disability AU for FS out of pure indulgence.

Have I made basically any progress since I started it? No.

Has it been completely rotting my brain this past week? Yes.

The way I have it planned out is that I'm going to write a chapter for each of the Links, including Shadow, and one for Zelda. Each chapter is going to be a short story about their experiences with being disabled and how they feel about that. I'm supposed to be working on Green's chapter right now and I think it's maybe half done, but I'm contemplating taking it apart and picking at the pieces some more before I actually write the second half out.

The thing about Green is that he's kind of your generic Link. He's as close as you get to the original as far as personality and temperament go, so that's been my main issue thus far. He's just... really, really vanilla. Even his part of the story is kind of vanilla! He gets his death faked twice and he's not even the person doing the faking! He's just there as a driving force and it bugs me sometimes because he's like the FS version of the nameless "prince charming" and I could go off on a whole extra tangent but I should save that for when you've actually read the book.

The point is, he's not a character I easily get vibes from, so I've had to do a bunch of thinking and I came to the conclusion that he's going to be the one to be hit over the head with a work-related injury. Literally. He ends up with a bad head injury that impacts his ability to do a lot of things that knights need to be good at.

I haven't decided if he ends up keeping his job after he recovers or not, but he does have a lot of angst over that because he's a bit of a workaholic and spent most of his time working so that Red, Blue, Vio, and Shadow could focus on taking care of the house and each other. He considers himself to be the main breadwinner and then suddenly can't work because of his injury and has to wait and see if he'll be able to go back to work. There's going to be a whole thing about overcoming internalized ableism, and how even if you aren't ableist towards other people you can still be ableist towards yourself and it's a lot of work to build up the self-esteem necessary to stop that thought process.

I just love his chapter so much even though I'm probably going to use those themes throughout the entire work. There's just something about his part that really scratches the itch in my brain.

I have rough ideas planned out for Vio, Blue, and Red, but I'm not really sure what to do about Shadow and Zelda. Prior to finding out about your Warriors having blood sugar problems I was thinking about giving her diabetes or something similar, but I'm not really sure how much I can fudge in a fantasy setting without accidentally killing her. So I'm still at the drawing board for her.

Thank you for being my FS brainrot victim. :)

I gotta get the four swords legendary edition, I thought I had it but i dont 💔💔💔 I’m also a broke college student so i feel ya

GREEN ISNT EVEN THE ONE WHO FAKES HIS OWN DEATH TWICE ALSKSKDK?

ooooooh work related injury and overcoming internalized ableism, I’m so excited to read that!! (if you share it)

You could totally still give her a blood sugar issue if you wanted, it’d be cool to read about if you do decide to do that, but also anything else you come up with would be cool, all of this sounds awesome

THANK YOU FOR THE DAILY BRAINROT, TODAY WAS EXHAUSTING AND I DONT FEEL GREAT AND THIS LITERALLY CAME AT THE PERFECT TIME >:)

[kalinara]

I was skimming through my dashboard and I saw a post that I thought was really interesting.

In the post, the person stated that they missed when fandom was more interactive, when it came to fanfic writers and fan artists, rather than today, where it was like the content creators were machines that didn't need positive feedback, but were just there to create product.

I'm paraphrasing, because I can't find it again. It stuck with me for a bit though.

See, I think this is the natural effect of discouraging constructive criticism.

I can appreciate that very few people enjoy logging into their email or messages and seeing a comment regarding a project that they've spent so much time and effort on and seeing "Well, this is what I think you did wrong."

I can appreciate that for most folk, fanfic is a labor of love, something that they're sharing with the community. They're not craftsmen honing a craft, per se. They're not looking for advice on how to improve.

That's understandable. But I think it misses something really important: that constructive criticism, heck, even a polite yet negative review is still ENGAGEMENT.

It's a conversation in a way that kudos aren't. It's a conversation in a way that gushing praise really isn't.

I'm not saying a writer has to agree with the criticism. People are people and sometimes people are full of crap. But the fact that someone took the time out of their busy day to actually engage with a writer about something they created, and to talk about it, and think about it, and examine what worked for them and what didn't...

That does mean something, in my opinion. I've been a fanfic reader, primarily a lurker, since I first took baby steps onto the web in 1996. Back before AO3. Back before fanfiction.net. I remember webrings, and mailing lists, and geocities. I even, vaguely, remember bulletin boards.

As I said, I was a lurker primarily. I didn't talk much. I followed the discussions. Sometimes I'd agree with it. Sometimes I'd disagree (quite strongly). I very rarely commented or reviewed.

But when I did review, that was because I really wanted to. And when I did review, I put a LOT of effort into it. I'd talk about what I thought the author did really really well (which was a lot! Or I wouldn't have bothered.) I'd mention what didn't work so much for me, and what I thought might have worked better. It'd take hours, sometimes, to figure out exactly what I wanted to say - what I would want to HEAR if I'd written the story. I always tried to leave the kind of reviews that I wanted to receive on my own work.

I'd never write a review like that now. The etiquette's changed. I recognize that the kind of review I wrote back in 1998 would be incredibly rude now. But when I look at the comments I've left nowadays - they're quick. They're meaningless. Even on fics I've truly loved. Sometimes I don't even comment. Just a kudo. Sometimes I forget to do that. It's not personal, but I've got things on my mind.

It occurs to me that even the word is different. "comment" vs. "review". There are very different expectations.

I see people sometimes talking about how what they really want is comments, though. And interaction. And I get that, but when you limit the type of interaction that you're looking for, then I think that you're going to get less of it.

I'm sorry. But sometimes I'll read a fic that's okay, but not great. It's got wonderful ideas, but they could be developed better. It's got good character voice, but some of the word choice is a little off. It doesn't sing.

At least, to me. Maybe it's just a matter of personal taste. Maybe it's a craft issue. The author didn't ask for my opinion, and that's fair enough. But am I going to leave lukewarm praise and nothing else? Maybe. I have before. But more likely, I'm just going to hit the back button and look for something else.

It's easier to give feedback now than it was in 1997 in a lot of ways. Kudos buttons are lovely. Instant review buttons/forms that don't require a perpetually shy anxious person to send an email to a stranger are wonderful things. I probably do leave more comments now than I did back in 1997.

But when it comes to actual substance and engagement...I'm not sure there's even a comparison. Why bother? If I feel really strongly about something in the fic, well, I can write a blog post about it instead.

It is kind of funny that this means that I get the engagement out of it, rather than the author, but that's how it goes sometimes.

[m00ngbin]

SAW YOUR CD POST AND AM NOW FROTHING AT THE MOUTH THAT I FOUND A CD LIKER IN THE WILD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE plsssss talk about them

Like what's your favourite part of collecting them? Or what's your most prized one? Or maybe what one are you most proud of getting for the price you got it for?

Infodump to your hearts content CDs are like the closest thing in my life to a special interest lol

OH MY GOD EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT MY CDS THIS IS THE BEST EVER

@boquetgarni @grimlyyyfiendish @spacepajamas956 you guys ALSO said yes. so.

Oh and everything is capitalized as it says it is on the CD or it's case so the capitalization of the words "and" and "of" are going to be the tiniest bit inconsistent

Ok so first: the list:

1. Depeche Mode (unspecified album)

2. Evanescence (Fallen)

3. Green Day (american idiot)

4. Lady Gaga (Born This Way)

5. Miley Cyrus (the time of our lives) (the one I regret getting the most)

6. My Chemical Romance (Danger days)

7. My Chemical Romance (Three Cheers)

8. Paramore (Riot!)

9. Rage Against The Machine (Evil Empire)

10. Rancid (...And Out Come The Wolves)

11. SkyView (Of Love and Despair)

12. System Of A Down (Toxicity)

13. The Cure (Greatest Hits)

14. The Cure (Wild Mood Swings)

15. The White Stripes (Greatest Hits (My Sister Thanks You And I Thank You))

16. Tyler, The Creator (IGOR)

17. Tyler, The Creator (WOLF)

18. Trolls (Band Together)

I love CDs. I feel like I always make my collection sound bigger than it is but I'm very happy with the ones that I have

Questions:

My favorite part about collecting them is kind of that I like completing collections and when I get multiple albums by the same artists it's the best ever, and I also just like having physical copies of my favorite music

My FAVORITE cd is either my The Cure Greatest Hits cd, the Danger Days cd, or the IGOR cd, and my least favorites are the Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Trolls cds bc I just never listen to them ever

My most prized AND the one I'm the most happy about the price of is the Danger Days cd because I originally got it second hand maybe three ish years ago and at first I was just like "oh cool a my chemical romance cd, I've wanted one of those," but then I looked inside AND IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST DANGER DAYS CDS THEY SOLD. LIKE IT WAS FROM THE FIRST WAVE OF RELEASES. AND THE GUY I BOUGHT IT FROM WAS ONLY SELLING IT FOR LIKE THREE DOLLARS. I'm very proud of finding it

Organization:

All of my CDs are organized alphabetically by band name and then album name, but I went though a lot of different ways of organizing them just bc I love organizing things. The first time I organized them I did it by genre, then I did it by just band name, then I did it by just album, then I did it by color, and then how much I liked the CD. The only one that isn't currently in it's correct place is Trolls because I wanted to hide it from my friend (will explain)

Facts about the albums and also sometimes the CD:

1. ??? (Depeche Mode)

I know like nothing about this cd. It came in an unmarked cd case and it doesn't say ANYTHING about the songs on it or the album on the actual cd. The only reason I KNEW it was Depeche Mode was because it was written on the cd in red sharpie. I'm like 99% sure it was made by someone and not the actual band, and I could find out what album it is but it doesn't really matter as long as I like the music

2. Fallen (Evanescence)

I saw them live almost exactly a year ago and OH MY GOD they were so cool. The album came out in 2003 and it's not my FAVORITE of their albums but it's not my least favorite either. I UNIRONICALLY REALLY LIKE IT ITS NOT A JOKE

Favorite songs: Everybody's Fool, Imaginary, and My Last Breath

3. American Idiot (Green Day)

I was originally looking for one of their other albums but ykw? This is good too. This cd took so long to find which is such a shock bc as far as I knew, everybody liked Green Day. American Idiot came out in 2004, and it was their 5th album.

Favorite songs: Jesus of Suburbia, Holiday / Boulevard of Broken Dreams, and Homecoming

4. Born This Way (Lady Gaga)

I don't have a TON to say about this album but it did shape my music taste until I was like 12. So. I was a very hardcore Gaga stan. Born This Way came out in 2011.

Favorite songs: Heavy Metal Lover, Judas, and Americano ("fake Lady Gaga fan" I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY I JUST LIKE HER MOST POPULAR STUFF)

5. The Time Of Our Lives (Miley Cyrus)

Not much to say about this one either, I don't listen to Miley Cyrus that much. This album came out in 2009 and I really only got this CD because it has Party In The USA on it

Favorite song: Party In The USA

6. Danger Days (MCR)

OK THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I CAN INFODUMP INFODUMP ABOUT. SO THE ALBUM CAME OUT IN 2010 AND IT WAS, (SORT OF, I don't count May Death Never Stop You or The Black Parade/Living With Ghosts and I'm not including any of the Numbers), THEIR MOST RECENT RELEASE UNTIL 2022 WHEN MCR GOT BACK TOGETHER TO MAKE THE FOUNDATIONS OF DECAY. This is unironically my second favorite mcr album, it's only after Bullets and I will never ever understand why people don't appreciate it as much as they should. ALLEGEDLY the last song on the album (Vampire Money) was made to mock all of the people who made music for one of the Twilight movies. FUN FACT THE PERSON WHO WAS MAKING THE TWILIGHT MOVIES TRIED TO GET MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE TO WRITE MUSIC FOR NEW MOON AND NOT ONLY DID MCR SAY NO, THEY WROTE A SONG FOR YO GABBA GABBA INSTEAD CALLED EVERY SNOWFLAKE IS DIFFERENT (JUST LIKE YOU) IN 2011. SINCE GERARD WAY IS A COMIC BOOK ARTIST HE WROTE THE STORY FOR THIS AND HE ACTUALLY MADE A COMIC BOOK FOR IT TOO THAT YOU CAN BUY AND I THINK YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT ok I could talk about MCR all day I need to stop

Favorite songs: Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back, Planetary (GO!), and Na Na Na (etc)

7. OR MAYBE I DONT NEED TO STOP BC THIS IS THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE (MCR)

OH I COULD SAY SO MUCH AB THIS ALBUM but for the sake of keeping it short, this album was released in 2004 and it fleshes out the story of the Demolition Lovers that was started back when they released Bullets AND I COULD HAVE A WHOLE RANT ABOUT THE DEMOLITION LOVERS I LOVE THE DEMOLITION LOVERS. I got this CD from a shady music store that I haven't gone back to since bc it freaked me out so badly

Favorite songs: The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You, Cemetery Drive, and YKWTDTGLUIP (long ass song names jfc)

8. Riot! (Paramore)

THIS CD KILLED MY CAR. I'm not joking I'm being so serious this cd killed my car I had to get it jumped and towed. It's a long story that all happened within the span of 30 minutes and I was REALLY pissed about it. Anyways Riot was released in 2007 and it is one of my absolute favorite albums by Paramore of all time. Unrelated to this album but Paramore actually DID end up writing music for Twilight, they wrote Decode, (very popular), and I Caught Myself, (significantly less popular).

Favorite songs: For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic, crushcrushcrush, and Let The Flames Begin

9. Evil Empire (Rage Against The Machine)

SKDODNSKFID I love RATM. I think that this album probably has everyone's favorite RATM songs on it, and it came out in 1996.

Favorite songs: Roll Fight, Bulls on Parade, and Revolver

10. ...And Out Come The Wolves (Rancid)

STILL RANCID'S BEST ALBUM ARGUE WITH THE WALL. ARGUE. WITH. THE. WALL. Urgh this was like the only thing I listened to two years ago but it's grown on me. Very reminiscent of middle aged white fathers. The album was released in 1995, and I cannot tell you how many times I had to listen to all of these songs. I don't know jack shit about Rancid but I love this album. ACTUALLY one of these songs was how I picked out a name forever ago

Favorite songs: Maxwell Murder, Lock, Step & Gone, and The 11th Hour

11. Of Love And Despair (SkyView)

This is one of the only CDs I've ever gotten AT a concert. SkyView is (kind of) local band and they usually perform in planetariums bc they can sync up their music with lasers and videos of space and rockets. I would recommend seeing them after doing edibles. The album came out in 2017 and most of the songs are instrumentals

Favorite songs: You Win, All Alone, and Shooting Star

12. Toxicity (System of a Down)

IMAGINE MY SHOCK AND SURPRISE WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE I LIVE WITH DONE LIKE SYSTEM OF A DOWN. STUNNED. HORRIFIED. SPEECHLESS. I love this album sooo much, it came out in 2001 and it was the 2nd studio album ever released by System

Favorite songs: Prison Song, Deer Dance, and Chop Suey!

13. Greatest Hits (The Cure)

AHKSHDKAIDJS I LOVE THE CURE SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. THIS ALBUM CAME OUT IN 2001 but it's a mix of songs that had mostly come out in the 80s-90s. I GOT TO SEE THE CURE IN CONCERT LAST YEAR AND THAT WAS THE BEST CONCERT IVE EVER BEEN TO I wish they would come back :(

Favorite songs: Why Can't I Be You, Lullaby, and In Between Days

14. Wild Mood Swings (The Cure)

Truthfully I got this CD because I thought it was a different one but it has really grown on me. This album came out in 1996 which makes it kind of weird that none of these songs made it into Greatest Hits but yZK (THEY SHOULD HAVE)

Favorite songs: Strange Attraction, Jupiter Crash, and This Is a Lie

15. Greatest Hits (The White Stripes)

I got this cd for one song and one song only, but up until I got it I'd forgotten how much I love The White Stripes. The album came out in 2020 (REALLY RECENT WOW) and it includes songs going back to 1998

Favorite songs: Fell in Love With a Girl, (the song I got the CD for in the first place), Hello Operator, and The Hardest Button to Button

16. IGOR (Tyler, The Creator)

KSOSHFKSOSJFJE MY FAVORITE CD EVER ACTUALLY. I COULD TALK FOR HOURS. HOURS. ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS ALBUM. I COULD AND WOULD TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT but this has seriously taken me two hours, so it's not happening today. IGOR came out in 2019 and won Tyler, The Creator his first Grammy, (FOLLOWED BY CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST WITH HIS SECOND).

Favorite songs: I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, PUPPET, and ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

17. WOLF (Tyler, The Creator)

THIS IS THE CD I GOT MOST RECENTLY AND IM SO HAPPY ABOUT IT AND AKDITHSKKDFJEJ OK so the album came out in 2013 and it was his 2nd (solo) album and AKOEJDOAFIRN OK I REALLY NEED TO HURRY THIS UP BC I COULD TALK ABOUT WOLF FOR AN HOUR IF GIVEN THE CHANCE

Favorite songs: Wolf, treehome95, and Answer

18. Band Together (Trolls)

This is honestly my least favorite bc I originally got it as a gag gift but I've been forced to listen to the same three songs on it a hundred times. It came out this year, I really don't have that much to say, it's just here. It's the only one that's out of order in my cd collection just because I have to hide it from anyone that I'm driving around because they WILL put it on

Favorite songs: urgh do I really need to have a favorite (THE TINY CHUNK OF THAT ONE SONG THATS JUST THE TROLLS SINGING I WANT YOU BACK BY NSYNC. Or It Takes Two)

ANYWAYS SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WOULD SAY MORE BUT I TOOK FOREVER JUST TO SAY THIS. SO.

[sketchesandnonesense]

I feel like hell so I'm having profoundly Selfish thoughts today like

"I wonder if any doll makers would want to do a make-a-wish for my pathetic cancer riddled ass and make me a doll just right to my specifications as some kinda charitable christmas miracle"

Like

A doll is a very time consuming thing to make. And expensive. Theres a reason sculptors n customizers are expensive.

It's stupid to even think about.

Like yeah I'm 2 years into dealing with cancer and things are not looking Great if I'm entirely honest but I dont have an expiration date on my forehead and given the circumstances with the people in my life I am incredibly lucky.

So like.

I feel like a bad person even thinking about it.

Yknow?

Idk. Putting a cut just bc maybe it'll make me feel like I have SOME shame about overthinking this if that makes sense.

But I can't get the thought out of my head. Like.

Maybe in some fucked up way it could be mutually beneficial if they were one of those youtuber types or even just a smaller maker.

Doing something like bringing a cancer patient's dream doll to life could turn heads. Would make one hell of a good youtube video, for sure. Lol.

Worst thing is though is just. My dream doll is BB. Theres details I could alter and concede on and things but for the most part I want her to be directly like my sketches. Cartoony and simple.

I feel like I'm like a loser telling a sob story on deviantart saying my mom's uncle's hamster died n the only thing to help is free art from a stranger. A shameless choose-y beggar with a sob story.

But if you'll let me be alil melodramatic for a minute just so I can get it out of my system.

But

I've loved dolls all my life. Not always seen myself as much of a collector, really, but I love them. And one thing I always wanted was a doll that was Mine. Made exactly how I wanted, just for me. No hangups, no skimping on things, no compromises. It was a pipe dream. I wanted to be a doll maker so badly. But I was never good with physical crafts. They never came out right (rarely even came out GOOD at that). I tried and tried everything I could. Making plushies, clay, customizing pre-existing dolls, anything. Nothing worked. I just am not cut out for doll making.

So, I accepted this was something I needed a professional to do for me. And over the years I've trusted people with my characters and while I do adore the work I've gotten. None of it's ever Done It. Because I was always having to make a dozen little sacrifices. Having to account for the artist's style. Sometimes the design had to change to be more feasible and so it didnt cost as much. Sometimes it just straight up didnt turn out.

I remember as a kid I got enough christmas money to commission an itty bitty plush of my sonic OC from an expensive plush artist. I was so excited. I thought it was finally happening.

It was awful. Quality was mediocre at best. It was maybe 3 inches tall. And the eyes were this weird stiff fabric piece that kinda jutted out from the felt and looked glued on.

V petty side tangent, i know, but just kinda the first example where I tried to fufill this dream and it just. Fell through.

Its always still stuck with me through the years, trying again and again to make a doll, but all I have to show is boxes of half-used supplies im too ashamed to even look at.

And now I'm here again. Thinking about it.

I've said it before, but my past two years have been awful. 2023 was entirely eaten up by my chemo and radiation and recovering from having my entire stomach removed. Thought I was cancer free and was starting to find normal again. Then in january scans and biopsies I was told it came back. Liver, this time. This entire year has been trying different chemo drugs and scans and things looking up only to crash back down again.

And I'm so tired.

I actually was (technically still am) trying to commission someone to make my doll. Pay an artist properly like you should. I saved up and I figured I deserved it with everything. Im 27, I'm an adult, i can make my own decisions.

She didnt disclose she'd just moved. To a rural area. And was still struggling to get internet and plumbing situated. Or that there was much of a queue infront of me. Its my fault for not looking into it more and finding the practically defunct social medias and untouched-for-months trello page. I was promised a turnaround time within a month. That was back in august.

Anytime I check in there's always something new going wrong. Broken tablet pen, power outages, family stuff. I dont think she's a scammer or trying to make excuses. She's sweet. But im exhausted of waiting.

Im sort of just accepting I'm never seeing that money back, or getting my doll. The paypal protection will still let me charge back, but I'm not about to put a woman in her situation in the red, especially when she's got a kid to feed. Maybe she'll get done eventually, but if I can be morbid and dramatic, i think by that point BB would have to be a grave decoration.

And I can't bring myself to save up again hoping that maybe I can find another artist who MIGHT be able to bring her to life in the exact right way and maybe finally. FINALLY I can have this one thing in my life.

I guess it'd help for people who dont know jack shit if I actually showed the character on partially Why she'd have to be a christmas miracle.

Its not overly complicated or a really old Beloved OC. She's honestly one of my newer babies. But I made her SPECIFICALLY with the idea of her being my dream doll. And its very. Very silly.

But. This is BB:

I tried to imagine a character thatd be in a cartoon I'd watch as a kid and be VIOLENTLY mad didnt have some sort of doll I could buy, lol. Retro anime, cute and round, robot girl.

To avoid an infodump: she's a little fighting robot. Think medabots or angelic layer. She has a human who she's best friends with and she fights other cute little robot dolls. She talks only in beeps and boops and is 11inches tall (without antannae) and she's silly and I love her.

And she's my dream.

Imagining in my head the anime that I would've adored as a kid, and a doll thats literally her plucked off the screen. Not a barbie in an outfit, not something close enough, but the simplistic cartoony lil goofball.

I know its really. Really silly. Its silly to be caught up in this kind of idea and its silly to get all bent out of shape over and its silly I'm even like.

Putting these thoughts into the world

Feeling like a kid writing a letter to Santa

But thats it. Thats my wish or my dream or whatever. Its selfish. Its so so so selfish to imagine not just putting someone through doll making but making such a weird hard-to-translate-to-3d-space design and potentially having to work with me abunch to make sure she's just right. Without like. Thousands in compensation, lol.

Like I said, im willing to work with and do some adjustments to make her more do-able (fiddle w/ proportions alil, figure out a way to do the joints in a way that still fits her style while being actually moveable, more engineering side than aesthetics obvi lol. I really would love her to be stupid posable).

But i dont think that really probably means much

Idk.

I feel silly and selfish even putting this into the world but hey. Can't hurt to wish on stars and hope for christmas miracles. Right? It's not like I'm gonna go knocking on doors asking for something this batshit, lol.

Like. I wouldnt survive the shame.

If they dont respond I'll die of anxiety n guilt. Getting turned down might hurt even worse because then I'd know for sure they'd read it and probably felt Really Fucking Uncomfortable.

If i was a kid or whatever then maybe it'd be atleast endearing to get that kinda message insteada Just Sad.

No winning. Lol.

Im tired out now and the post-chemo-day agonies are starting to rev up again so I think I'm gonna go lay down now.

[hergrandplan]

Hey Nina 💜,

1,4,5, 14 and 17 for the writers ask thingie

Gladly!!

The last sentence you wrote

Simon wishes he could do more for W., help him somehow. Refer him to another publisher, one who would see what he sees. But Simon doesn’t have those kind of connections.

Okay technically these are three sentences but otherwise it wouldn't make sense i hope you don't mind lol

4. A story idea you haven't written yet

Oh, I have many (too many, some would say) but I once had an idea where Party Prince Wille gets into big big trouble one night. He gets way too drunk at a club, and even gets photographed leaving with someone. The next morning, his mother shows him images of him leaving with none other than Simon Eriksson, Sweden's Sweetheart, hand fully on his ass in a definitely-not-friendly way. His mother is done with him ruining the image of the monarchy with all his fooling around. In order to straighten out his image, Wille and Simon have to pretend they're actually dating...

I'm not explaining this well but it's fun and messy I promise

5. First sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

"Plus, what right did they have to be there?"

14. Where do you get your inspiration?

I want to give the poetic answer and say shit like. All around me, the world, people on the train, but that's bullshit.

I get my inspiration from songs, a good 99% of the time (I stan very lyrical artists and that makes it so so easy)

17. Talk about your writing and editing process

Ooooh okay. Love this question!

Once I have an idea, like when that first flash hits me, I start writing immediately. Doesn't matter where I am; at home or at work or, once, literally walking the streets of New York. Cause once I have that idea, I usually at least have one or two fully fleshed out scenes in my head that I have to get out before I lose them.

After that, I usually let the stories marinate and sit and focus on other projects that are in a further stage of development. It's rare that I immediately write a whole story; editorial au really is the exception to anything really.

After that, I just pick up the story whenever I feel like it, but the beginning of writing is very much snippets in my notes, little random thoughts that hit me throughout the day.

When I sit down to write, depending on how fueled I am, I either write like 5k words in one go or 5. I try not to be too hard to myself during the writing stage; it doens't need to be good then (it really doesn't need to be good ever, but hey) it just needs to be Something. Words on a page. Any thoughts I have about the scene. Any time I get stuck, I write in a bracket what I want to do and move on. If I think about what I'm stuck on for too long I get stuck in writing and lose all motivation. It happens once or twice that I also don't have any ideas on what's supposed to happen after the scene I'm stuck on, but yeah, usually brackets.

I also talk to myself in the comments. If I'm hit with an idea about something I wrote earlier, the most I'll do is put a comment there about that idea, and go back to where I left off.

Sometimes I'll ask friends on opinions; discuss scenes or whether something a character does is actually in character. Talking really helps in working through hurdles, more so than I initially thought it would.

Often times when writing I think of my writing as too flat, but that's okay, because: editing is where I shine.

Now, given my profession this shouldn't have surprised me but I mean it that my best work is done in editing. That's where I get the sentences to flow, the pacing to work. I'll rewrite whole sections, and maybe it can seem like a waste of time, but those rewritings wouldn't be as good if there wasn't something that came before them. I take my time editing, making sure everything works, and then I send it off to my beta reader who reads it, works out those final kinks with me and then it's off to ao3!

(this all means it does take me ages to publish a story so thank you to everyone who's so patient with me lol)

Send me fic writer asks!

[stephenmalkmusofficial]

Top Albums of 2023

Hello everyone!

It's that time of year again! For me personally, it's been a hectic year, but an exciting one too. I did my best to keep up with new music, and listened to new albums with pretty good regularity, however I didn't find myself revisiting a lot of new records, at least not yet. In the list to come, I definitely see most of them as growers, records I'll fall in love with in the years to come, that already have left a strong impression on me. Just this year alone I spent a lot of time with 2022 releases I adored like Alvvays' Blue Rev and Panda Bear & Sonic Boom's Reset, and another record I'll give special mention to in a minute. I'm hoping to fall more in love with these records, and all the records I missed this year! Let's dive in

My Favorite Record from 2022 That I Listened to For the First Time in 2023: MJ Lenderman - Boat Songs

Ripping off this gimmick from Steven Hyden, who actually put this record tied for the #1 spot last year (with Big Thief's fantastic double album that was in my own top 10). I really became enamored with the alt-country sound this year, and this record was just the perfect scratch for that itch. The songs veer from aching to rocking, sometimes in the same track. My absolute favorite song of the year was "You Are Every Girl to Me" on this album, which evokes such strong feelings in me it's hard to describe. MJ had a big year being part of Wednesday, but I'm excited to see where he goes next as a solo artist!

Honorable Mentions: The Replacements - Tim (Let It Bleed Edition) M83 - Fantasy Alan Palomo - World of Hassle Greg Mendez - Greg Mendez Olivia Rodrigo - GUTS

10. Sufjan Stevens - Javelin

I've been a Sufjan fan for a long time now, probably around 8 years or so. I've always admired his ability to capture such intimate feelings with such sweeping and varied instrumentations. His last full length under his own name, The Ascension, came out in 2020, when a lot of new music wasn't really sticking with me. The Ascension had the same vastness that I came to know in Sufjan's work, but it felt slightly distant. Javelin closes that gap. From social media posts, it seems like Sufjan has had a tough year, and this record is about grappling with pain and loss. Removed from that narrative, the songs here build and grow with such beauty that although I've only listened in full once, I'm almost saving myself from the full wallop I know this record will give me once I really dive in. Thank you Sufjan, for everything.

Crucial track: "Shit Talk"

9. Squid - O Monolith

Squid are an exciting band to come out of the vibrant post-post(-post?)-punk scene in England. I really liked their 2021 debut, Bright Green Field, but it was sprawling and epic, and it could feel tough to revisit. O Monolith takes everything that was great about BGF and builds on it, while also focusing in a bit more. With 8 songs at about 40 minutes, this record experiments with post-rock-esque tension builds, vocoders, and engaged, involved guitar work. I feel like these songs will work well live as well. Excited to see how this band continues to grow!

Crucial track: "Siphon Song"

8. Wednesday - Rat Saw God

I know, I know, how surprising. I am not immune to Wednesday's Rat Saw God being on my year end list. Despite not having listened to this record a ton, I can definitely already feel like this is going to go down as a critical cornerstone of where alternative/guitar-oriented rock music will go for maybe the rest of the decade. As I fell in love with MJ Lenderman's Boat Songs, I grew to appreciate this record more and more. With huge, crushing fuzzed-out electric guitars mixed with beautiful pedal steel, it's really hard to resist this record's charms. Even revisiting their 2021 record, Twin Plagues, was a delight. Can't wait to listen to it more!

Crucial track: "Chosen to Deserve"

7. JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown - SCARING THE HOES

Another hyped up album I couldn't help but put on my list. While not being super long to begin with, this record flies by, and it can be hard to miss everything. I've been a fan of Danny Brown for awhile, and have skirted around JPEGMAFIA's work, so this was a good introduction to hear them work so well together. JPEG's production here is insane, and both are firing at full mischievous speed. Just check out that sample at the end of "Fentanyl Tester".

Crucial track: "Fentanyl Tester"

6. Mitski - The Land is Inhospitable and So Are We

Yay! Mitski! After the kind of underwhelming Laurel Hell from last year, this record finds Mitski back at nearly full strength. Again, my weakness for pedal steel bleeds through, and I love Mitski experimenting with a new, more acoustic and natural sound. This is another record I haven't listened to more than once or twice yet, but I'm still excited to fall more in love with it. She's back!!

Crucial Track: "Bug Like an Angel"

5. The Tubs - Dead Meat

As a huge fan of bands such as Los Campesinos! and Martha, I've always had a soft spot for British rock bands with heart. The Tubs are no different, and in my year-end revisit, this record really stood out to me. It has the jangle of old British folk and early R.E.M. with the propulsion of Joyce Manor, not forsaking sweet melodies and harmonies along the way. At 28 minutes long, I insist you give this a spin!

Crucial track: "That's Fine"

4. Yo La Tengo - This Stupid World

For a long time, Yo La Tengo admittedly did not click with me that much. I'm not sure what changed, but their ability to vary between raucous, distorted shoegaze to calm, reflective instrumentals really stuck with me. On This Stupid World, they've once again found that sweet balance. Bolstered by arguably one of the best concerts I went to this year, I've really come to love this record a lot.

Crucial Track: "This Stupid World"

3. Avey Tare - 7s

Avey Tare has always been my favorite member of Animal Collective. His 2019 record, Cows on Hourglass Pond, is my favorite solo release from anyone in the group. Avey has apparently been sitting on 7s for a little bit now, and I'm so glad it's in the world. Avey continues his unique blend of experimentation with profound moments of beauty, melody and depth. He's also been working more with the bass guitar on his and AnCo's latest albums, and it really works well on tracks like "Invisible Darlings" and "The Musical". Hey Bog is an epic in a year full of Animal Collective epics. Very happy with this one!

Crucial Track: "Lips at Night"

2. Animal Collective - Isn't It Now?

Animal Collective have always inspired a dedicated, eager fanbase. After a few years doing their own things, the four core members of the group have reunited to make an ultimate "for the heads" record, with Isn't It Now. Last year's Time Skiffs built on a lot of things the band as a four-piece did well, and made it more melodic and accessible (again, Avey's bass playing and Panda Bear sitting behind a proper drum kit have changed their sound in a way you wouldn't expect), however this record takes it one step deeper. As typical with Animal Collective records, the band often plays songs that will appear on the *next* record on tour for the one they just put out. As a result, when I saw Animal Collective twice last year, they played most of the songs that ended up on this record. However, I did not fall victim to demoitis, and these songs sound magnificent. Definitely their densest record, but full of rich sounds, melodies and just the right amount of melancholy. Really really love this one.

Crucial Track: "Genie's Open"

1.Jeff Rosenstock - HELLMODE

Jeff Rosenstock is my favorite musical artist. For nearly 20 years, everything he has put out, whether under his own name with his backing "Death Rosenstock" group, Bomb the Music Industry!, or Antarctigo Vespucci, has been great to amazing punk music. On HELLMODE, his first full-length since moving to California in early 2020, has Jeff more level-headed and reflective than ever, but also bursting with the sheer kinetic energy that has made his work a joy to listen to and experience since i became a fan in early college (seriously, go see Jeff live if you can!). There's a maturation here that doesn't sacrifice his passion in the slightest. This feels like a big budget record, but in all the right ways. Songs like I WANNA BE WRONG, 3 SUMMERS, and LIFE ADMIN capture the feelings of trying to work through your own life with so much crashing down around us. This has been the most in-love I've been with a new record in a long time, where I could really not get enough of it in the first month when it was released.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Here's hoping to a peaceful, loving and fulfilling 2024. Much love to all!

[scrybe-of-death]

TAOCC IS AMAZING, and boy has it changed since I first showed up

Aka: Elsie gets really sentimental for once

I’m gonna be honest, this is not the community I expected to end up in on this site. I joined Tumblr about October 29th and expected to end up as maaaaaybe a minor artist. At best. At the time TADC was just “that glitch thing that was blowing up that I thought was pretty good” and I was much more into murder drones anyways.

…Holy crabs, looking back on that…I had no idea what I was gonna end up getting into lol

I randomly followed the @/ragatha1 ask blog at one point, kind of confused as to what an ask blog was but hey, why not? That’s how I found Soup’s gangle blog and boy did things go off the rails. I was…so confused, I showed up smack dab in the middle of the Tiger insanity with no idea who any of these characters or people were. At that point iirc, “TAOCC” wasn’t even the name for the whole thing yet. I made Easton and was like “okay I’ll just have this goofy guy who likes sandwiches, no angst here, maybe he’ll make some friends, I really hope everyone likes him!”

BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE

I joined my first ever magma at that point as well! And I vividly remember being really confused but just doodling my sona in the corner and then people were like

“Uhhhh who the frick is Elsewhere I like your art :D”

and I was like

“Um

you what”

and thus I joined magma…a lot. Lol. That’s how I got to know soup and you (Xeya) and a few others. I felt so…weirdly new. Like impostor syndrome was in full force. That feeling hasn’t…really ever gone away, tbh.

And since then I’ve figured myself out mostly with only a few embarrassments to my name. I’m really grateful for the people I’ve made friends with, especially Fei, Star, Soup, and Xeya, as well as Kumo and Candy mods. You guys have been lovely to me, and I don’t know how I ever came to deserve that. It’s been rough at times, and I had to/still have to figure out boundaries and how to be assertive basically from scratch. This website still hurts me sometimes, and I accept that I’m a bit odd in some respects. But overall, people have respected that here much more than they do in my actual life. People have respected me here more than they tend to in real life. Before this I could share my writing and art with one person. One. I would go stir-crazy because I would make art and writing and never get to show anyone, which meant I just…spent like an entire year not doing anything. It sucked. And now I will just,..make art and characters for the funsies, and not get scolded for it. I can write incredibly florid descriptions and scenes about stuff like a freaking TOWN’S DESCRIPTION, and people will like it and tell me I’m good at this. I honestly might consider becoming a writer now when I become an adult. I learned that I can be shamelessly self indulgent when writing and people will enjoy it lol. Thank you guys for dealing with that btw lol. I will just MAKE CHARACTERS FOR PEOPLE FOR THE FUNSIES, a willingness I thought I’d all but lost. Like, I saw a 3d printer in my chem class two days ago and went “hmmm yunno what I could give a character in TAOCC a 3d printer for a head and that’d be so cool! Yunno, maybe Xeya would like it if I made that for her.” AND HERE WE ARE I’M CURRENTLY MAKING YOU A CHARACTER WITH A 3D PRINTER FOR A HEAD.

Also, you guys have no idea how grateful I am that you go along with my giant overarching plotlines. Like, my first test of the idea was Dusk’s domain and Sun’s trip to see Northeast, and then I was confident enough that people would care that I made the entire Lull/dungeon thing. The dungeon has been my magnum opus of writing, I put more work into that than almost anything else I’ve ever written. And people actually…respected that. I’m terrible at writing fight scenes, and yet I carried a fight scene for multiple hours with like…20 characters! I DIDN’T THINK I COULD HAVE TWO CHARACTERS FIGHT AND MAKE IT WORK AT ALL! OH MY LANDS I HAVE ACTUAL SELF CONFIDENCE NOW!! AAAAAAAAA-

anyways, that aside lol

it’s been wonderful, really. I feel like the pros far outweigh the cons for me, and the cons for me can be mitigated anyways entirely on my side of things lol. I came to this site looking for a community of people who would appreciate me, stupid flaws, autism, anxiety, writing and all. And I think I got that. And I want to find more, I want to keep going beyond this little bubble, but I want to always come back to this little circle of people. I don’t care how many rps or writing messes I end up in, TAOCC is always going to have a special place in my heart, flaws and all. It’s helped me get through some serious mess in my life, and being excited to come home to whatever insanity these lil guys are up to today makes me happy like almost nothing else.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you for letting this odd moth in, I hope I’ve earned it.

HELL YEAH YOUVE EARNED IT!!!

You've been literally one of the kindest people I've met on the site. One of the most talented too! I've never seen someone write like you and. Honestly. Genuinely. I look up to you in quite a few aspects.

You're funny, kind, caring, skilled, and a great person overall. and im SO FUCKING GLAD YOURE MY FRIEND EEEEE HUGS SPINS YOUUUU

... (kicks feet) and I heard something about a 3d printer head oc youre making for me.... (teary eyed) (/pos) (me when people do things for me. i love yall. sm. love you elsie sm sM SM SM SM SM!!!)

[karlie-what-you-want]

I'm going to try to word this correctly, because I'd like your take and I don't want my point to be misconstrued. The tldr is: I'm kinda bummed 1989 TV is such a commercial success. Here's the long of it. 1989 was my favorite album for a long long time and I was of course, excited to check out the vault. But I feel like these numbers are based on hype, not on product. Which is... fine, commercially speaking. Go girl, make those dollars. But... the result is a receipe. What perfomed the best for a long time is a record that was heavily branded by a stunt with a boy(band). What has now performed the best was a re record dropped in the middle of a tour that was completely overshadowed by the boybranding again. I feel like the rush was a mix of weird Haylor gossip thirst, football dude easter egg hunt, return of girlsquad branding... I admit, it stings that 1989 TV didn't even get a promo interview, a music video, or anything. (No, but we didn't forget the merch drops, tho!!) And it makes me sad, because... folklore, man. That had ZERO hype. Bam. There. And we ate that shit up. We loved THE MUSIC. I want the wild ride to be the music. And 2023 feels like Taylor has fully retreated inside the Taylor Swift TM persona and we're buying the TS Brand, not Taylor's music. What I was hoping for was: more 1989 vibes on vault songs, more "directed by Taylor Swift" creative expressions. What I got was: Ken and Barbie on tour. I'm sorry this is kinda rambly. I know anon asks don't take into account line breaks so this will be even more confusing. But. Yeah. I'm just a bit bummed out and I was wondering if anyone else was a bit disapointed, too? I mean. I genuinely don't know. Do people enjoy the soap opera and I'm the only one who's only turning up to check out the shoes Taylor wore in candids and for her artistic expression? Maybe I'm the weirdo. The market certainly seems to say I'm not in the majority.

Hi Anon 💕

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I can absolutely relate! It can be really difficult to separate the stunts from the music on a mental and emotional level. It’s something I still struggle with occasionally, and when the music is something so personal to you, of course you can feel protective or even disappointed when the PR goes off the rails. That is completely valid!

It saddens me that any fan would feel the shine of Taylor’s actual work has been dulled by the PR schemes.

I, too, am surprised that we haven’t seen any music video for 1989 TV yet, but I’m also not completely convinced that the book has been closed on that front. Let’s wait together in hopeful anticipation 🤞

I don’t blame you at all for how you are feeling, but I think in times like these, the most helpful thing for me is to draw that mental boundary—whether it’s a boundary between the music and the PR, or myself and the PR. Sometimes, I just don’t check the news, or I scroll away quickly if I happen to see something. These stunts are a lot, so when I feel myself becoming overwhelmed, I really try to shut down my mournful thoughts with a “NOPE! That’s not good for me right now” and then scroll away, or shut my phone off, or turn on Taylor’s actual music instead.

I am in love with 1989 TV. I’ve had it on repeat since it dropped, and hearing the vault tracks especially makes me so happy. I feel like there’s a real story there—things we didn’t get to see when the album originally came out. I have to imagine that even now, there’s so much happening behind the scenes that we can’t know. I’m just grateful for the chance to peek a little farther behind the curtain for a period of time that was very special for the T Swift community.

Lastly, regardless of the PR stunts, this drop has been huge for Taylor. Perhaps we’ll never know for sure whether that’s because people have come flocking for her music itself or they’ve grown curious due to the over the top PR, but I have a feeling that Taylor doesn’t care much either way. I think she’s at peace with the way she gets her attention, because at the end of the day, people ARE listening to her music. If they saw her at a football game cheering on some meathead and got curious enough to check out 1989 TV, what they will discover is a woman with great intelligence, a depth of emotion, and an insane amount of talent. That is just to say, it will always be her music and talent that shines in the end.

I’m reminded of YOYOK, where Taylor sings I looked around in a blood-soaked gown and I saw something they can’t take away.

No amount of stunts or bad PR (or good PR!) will change her undeniable talent. Even better that 1989 is truly Taylor’s now. I just find it comforting that regardless of how people find Taylor or why they first buy her music, they will get to enjoy it for the beautiful work of art that it always is.

Sending love, anon! You are not alone in your feelings, I promise 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤🩷🩶🤎💙