#i just dont want to be perceived or judged

[recreationalwordsayer]

literally if i lived on my own or at least in a situation where i had more autonomy and less anxiety i wld not spend so much time online lolz like you do not even understand sigh

[butchlifeguard]

you guys do know that theres more to being gnc than clothes right

[moodr1ng]

admitting to myself that i cannot live in a fulfilling way if i keep hoping to match the expectations and fit within the norms set by strangers and that includes that trying to be gender conforming or, as ive frankly been doing, being gender non-conforming in a way that wont bother the average person too much is never gonna work out for me lol

[beomgyutruther]

.

[dandyshucks]

i need to lorepost,,,, i need to write about selfship lore,,, i must put together posts about the dynamics,,, AUGH

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi, may i request some headcanons for Toby, Ej and Ben with a S/O who is really clumsy and always has new bruises?

toby, ej, and ben x reader who is clumsy

my legs hurt i hate how they tense up when i get stressed out it hurts so much notes: reader is gn, ben is platonic as i do not feel comfortable writing romantic for him, heavy hcs for all of them naturally but esp ben cws: edit

toby

he has a little bit of a disconnect between pain and injuries- both for himself and other people. obviously for himself its because of his CIPA, and that leaks into how he perceives others. he knows it hurts for them but he doesnt fully understand to what degree

still, he does his best to sympathize with you when you get hurt- actually you guys likely come up with a system.. a scale to rank how painful it is.. not just for physical pain! i can easily see this being used as a general thing for you guys to rate an experience both lightheartedly and as a serious thing

gets you meds as well as an icepack for your bruises so youre not too sore- hopefully

keeps an eye on the coloring of your skin, headcanon that he keeps tabs of the look of how an injury looks to determine severity.. as well as generally having a curiosity

he doesnt outwardly judge you all that much for your clumsiness, he knows his tics have caused some accidents so hes not going to fault you for a lot of your accidents

eyeless jack

tries to find a reason for your clumsiness, or at least tries to clear it of "okay do you have something internally thats happening", and if you actually do he does what he need to accommodate you

makes sure you dont needlessly get put into a situation that can lead to you getting hurt, he doesnt babyproof his place or yours.. nor does he treat you like youre a kid, but he does make precautions

lightly scolds you for not being careful if youre careless and roll with it as you get hurt- he doesnt want you to get hurt even if its something small

knows some tricks to lessen bruises before they get too bad, as well as ways to relieve any pain and swelling

medical interest really coming in clutch!

he hears crashing sounds and he just preps himself for whats about to transpire

he loves you but he does try to help you manage your clumsiness

ben

he thinks its a little funny that youre constantly hurting yourself, as long as its not a major injury- he also thinks its a little... pathetic... its a little mean for him to think that but hey, hes a bit of an asshole so its to be expected

he cant do much most of the time on account of him not being physically there- stuck in your phone or computer or some other device. but he does try to verbally be there for you- there in spirit!

if hes connected to the internet and hes able he does try to find some solutions to either lessen your clumsiness or how to make your bruises fade faster

tries to see if theres a cause to your clumsiness but its mostly him bullshitting you

"it could be a tumor" "you little shit its not a tumor"/ref/hj

more of a "lets move on and forget about it" kind of person, which isnt terrible especially if you find yourself embarrassed by your clumsiness

[personasintro]

i know mentioming kiko triggers most of the readers but i think yall should grow tf up like shes my roman empire and i think about her a lot u know 😔😔 when this chapter, where she told jungkook the truth, came out i hated her just like others and i was like "shes so evil like how can she do this to jungkook". but as time passed i just realized that shes the realest character because if i were in the same situation i might have done the same thing(?) Like i dont know exactly what id do but because of fear i couldve done the same so i cant really judge her. like we all know having a child is a big responsibility and she was scared and of course she wasnt ready for this and obviously its her body and her choice and she did whatever she thought was good for her. I think throwing a mud at her and criticising her is too much because she suffered enough already and i truly dont understand why do yall hate this woman so much?? I mean yeah she shouldve told jungkook everything because jungkook really deserved to know and we all knkw he would understand her and her choice but she was scared and not ready. Like we cant even imagine the pain she was going through because as i mentioned before having a kid is a big responsibility and she was the one who had to carry the baby for 9 months and give birth and everything and she was not ready. like yeah jungkook would be on her side but so what?? his support would be a great help but mothers still have to go through pain, fear, uncertainty and so many emotions and i think men would never get this (im sorry, i know jungkooks an amazing man but he still wouldnt get it okay???) and i trully feel sorry for her and of course the way she handled the situation was so wrong and i do not support her for that, for example, for lying to jungkook, breaking up with him without telling him everything, then lying to him that she cheated 😭😭like she was so stupid for that and she made him suffer so much like imagine u told him u cheated on him and he still wanted to give u a second chance,even though he was in so much pain??? like i understand him and yes he deserved to know everything and she was so wrong for getting back to him and still makkng him believe she cheated but I feel so sorry for both of them and i really understand kiko and her fears and im her apologist because everyone makes mistakes and obviously she wasnt a perfect person. I hope she will be happy in the future because she dont deserve all this pain.

thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! we've had quite a lot conversations about her character and to be honest, she might be one of my favorite characters i've ever written. not because I love her or anything, but because she's so interesting to me. and i've said this before many times, but i guess people perceive things differently based on the point of view which is completely understandable – if the story was about them, kiko being y/n – some opinions and reactions might've been different. i do believe there would be many opinions of what she did and it being not right, but i guess readers would show more mercy with the way of how they talk about her character or they would definitely not use so many curse words ahaaha

[cringelordofchaos]

craig is so fucking emotionally repressed and afraid of being vulnerable and open about his feelings and bottles them up way too much until he cant handle it and it never gets resolved i love him

he thinks he "is in control of his emotions", but in reality it seems like he's moreso blocking them out or ignoring them, or trying to rationalize the situation. (at least that's what it seems to be the case judging by the fact that's how he tried to help tweek feel better in Put It Down.) But it's literally canon that his primary weakness is communication so its definitely moredifficult for him to express his emotions unless he burts them out (like in his argument with tweek in put it down.)

love his relationship with tweek, it really forces him to confront an important part of life he is shown avoiding - emotions. and by talos it is difficult for him but he's learning.

though at the same time he's overwhelmed and overburdened, since tweek is pretty emotional and sometimes potentially clingy (due to him being naturally insecure of himself and somewhat relying on craig for encouragement), this might be perceived as a threat for craig who's practically afraid of emotions or vulnerability, and probably doesnt know how to manage them the best.

this is best shown (but not resolved) in Buddha Box where Cartman says the buddha box can help him block out anxiety or other people that may overburden him. he begins to talkabout tweek and feeling like hes always asking for his attention. so he just tries blocking everything out instead of confronting this or communicating this to tweek. its pretty interesting how they practically made it canon that he actually struggles with anxiety, despite him being the monotone, deadpan and calm one, especially when compared to tweek. im pretty disappointed they didnt resolve this by the end, but boy am i glad they showed the part of him that struggles as much as others. from what we know, craig is really not that close to many people, or much things, besides stripe, his guinea pig... so given his difficulties with communicating and accepting his feelings accompanied by the fact that he isnt and never was close to that many people, i dont blame him for finding it difficult to exactly manage his relationshiip with tweek, especially as tweek is really emotional himself. and craig does care, a lot, and does want tweek to be happy, and he tries helping him by simply being logical and coming up with solutions, rather than thinking emotionally, but sometimes that's simply not enough. and he does learn that in put it down but sort of starts struggling again in buddha box, except this time instead of learning to be emotinally vulnerable for tweek, he shuts himself off from everyone. though hopefully one day he learns to be more open, because that's pretty important in general but especially in a relationship, i think.

eurghhhh they complete each other so well. they are so different which does prove itself to be an obstacle but also is important for both of them, because they learn soo much from each other. Tweek learned how to be more confident in himself 'in a way he never has before' thanks to craig. and tweek is helping craig learn how to manage emotional relationships and life better and understand emotions in general.

Im not sure where exactly his emotional suppression comes from. It could be due to his family being more closed off. it could be due to him possibly being autistic. it could be due to both. it could be due to neither. but i love him nonetheless.

anyway sorry for small rant. the post was initially just gonna be one sentence but i felt like elaborating on what i meant. i love craig tucker soooo much. he makes me soooo happy.

[wuucchoo]

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

gege never said the original draft was boring, he only said he needed to revise it to fit the shonen genre more. where tf are all these people getting that lie from??? if he thought jujutsu sousen draft was boring, it's story line would not be implemented into the culling game arc that we have today.

it was unpolished. not boring.

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

also, the reason for the mc switch is because yuuji's character fits the shonen genre more.

naive and just happy all around ((naruto??? gon??? luffy????? deku??? that kid in black clover?? i forgot his name)). im not saying that serious characters like megumi as mc was never done in shonen before - but since jjk was gege's first series, he had to conform to shonen norms a little for his story to be approved.

yuuji's character fits what shueisha thinks a shonen protagonist should be (his whole thing of saving every single person around and all that) while megumi's kinda fit seinen more (picking and choosing who to save depending on whether or not he deems them as a good person). gege wanted megumi to stay the way he originally perceived him, so instead of changing megumi's personality - he just gave shueisha the mc they wanted with yuuji. and kept megumi the way he is but as a supporting character that still have the same strong ties to the plot like how he originally wanted.

this isnt a megumi vs yuuji as mc kinda thing btw - because if gege had it his way he would have made this two a duo mc but shueisha wanted to keep to their formula.

i'll put the translation screenshots on here from twt account @///soukatsu_ - you be the judge.

tell me where he said boring there

((im just mad atm dont mind me. i'll probably go draw a chibigumi to calm myself <( •̀ᴖ•́)>))

im not, in anyway, against yuuji being the mc btw - i like how megumi was written in the story that we have now, granted i would love to see more of him, but his role in the story is just the way i like it! i'm just the type of fan who gets more invested in what the supporting characters are doing rather than the mc in any manga that i have ever read. e.g kagura (gintama), L (deathnote), sanemi? (kny), todoroki (mha), grey (fairytail), aki (csm), MEGUMI (jjk) etc etc.

so i like megumi as the supporting role.

and people seem to be forgetting that jjk almost got axed on its first ten chapters ((literally the same thing that almost happened to gintama back then)). so thats really just how publishing a series works. the mangaka (esp a first time serialized one) have to change the story flow here and there in order to conform to what the publisher want - not because they think the story they're trying to weave is boring.

tldr. gege never said he found his first draft boring. idk where all these people got this from. but i guess people wanna cling to anything that can keep their agenda running 🙄

im not gonna tag the general jjk hashtag here coz i'm kinda hating on the fandom atm lmao. its another week another megumi slander with these guys and its always coz of misinterpretation 🙄

[angy-grrr]

okay help im getting nervous dnksndjasndjndkad this week is going to be a long one IM GOING TO FAINT WHILE WAITING FOR THE CHAPTER ADKAJDKAJDK

explanation under the cut? im just venting kind of about the interpretation of Izuku-Shigaraki and Ochako-Himiko as the "same"

People keep saying they should bond like that in chapter 429 because they both are sad over failing in saving their villains, and feel the same way about them, and I just dont know.

Am I really seeing Ochako and Himiko's interactions as more than what was intended?

They are just so different from Izuku's and Shigaraki's; these have a touching moment like when they bumped heads as children, which was so sad and adorable before AFO decided to get involved, but its just... not the same, right? He didnt cry for him, he wasn't sad because he wanted a world with him in it specifically, but because this isnt what he wanted to do. He feels guilt, and has conflictive emotions over being considered an admirable hero when he killed someone; Spinner's eyes, judging and full of hatred for him, flashing in his mind while being told he inspired someone to move. From my point of view it does affect him of course, but its about their society around them -he asks about how things could be different and tries to be responsible, he acts in order to do what he thinks is right.

Ochako's feeling guilty? Is that really what it is? Is that wound a reminder of her own perceived failure as a hero? Im sure she does feel also guilt, but its that it? Himiko motivated her to go against what was considered right in the script of heroes and villains and went out of her way just to tell her "your smile is cute, I rejected you because I didnt understand how you could look so happy and free to do so, and I envy it". Did Deku ever had something like that with Tomura? I can see how he changed him, yeah, but did he even like him? He didnt know him, not like Ochako did with Himiko, right?

This is why he isn't crying over his death, or was desperate over the idea of him ending like that -he tried his best with what he had, and just like he told Ochako maybe a battle was inevitable but he also wanted to reach out to that inner child; he accepts the battle and is willing to attack as we clearly saw, and at the same time he wanted to stop the pain somehow.

Ochako wasn't willing to hurt her, didnt try even if she hurt her or her friends. They both arent killers and prefer to protect the people around them, but Izuku does hurt him multiple times and doesnt doubt about doing it -his regrets come from being too late, so he wonders if there are ways to intervene before and avoid this much pain from forming. Ochako and Himiko do have a feeling of what could have happened if I just met you before, Toga directly wonders about it. Am I reading it wrong if I see them as different? Their relationship is just more personal and emotional to me, so Ochako here is crying and was crying over losing Himiko. When she remembers in that moment the cliff scene and Izuku's words about maybe a battle being inevitable but not ignoring what he saw deep inside him... shes not glad or happy about reaching to Himiko's sadness, because it led to her disappearing and willing to die for her. She starts crying and I just see it as her realizing this doesnt make anything better, she wants her to be alive. She got into her heart, and its not enough if she dies.

She preferred to die, before letting Himiko to sacrifice herself for her.

Are Izuku and Ochako truly feeling the same for the villains? So many people think they share this guilt, and just handle it differently. That this is about failing in saving them, and wanting to be a different type of hero.

Am I just reading it all wrong?

[h-doodles]

BREAKING MY SILENCE!!!

sorry im late but i was spamming one bestie with some more analysis thoughts on the borb while half scrolling through my fyp bc i do curate my experience ya know. BUT YOU GUYS. EVERYONE TAKE SEVERAL STEPS BACK AND A DEEP BREATH.

@oneginn I get your point and your post and I respect that, and I personally apologize for the boundaries that were set off with regards to some of my reblogs! I do recognize romanticizing toxic behaviors is BAD and a point of extreme concern, especially in real life! HOWEVER, at the same time, like you said! exploring and liking the darker themes are a thing, and fundamentally, people expressing their thoughts about it is part of the process, especially when writing about it in fiction. I believe that as long we do recognize the proper warnings AND DO give warnings, it's perfectly sane for people to post whatever in our personal blogs. Not to mention that while fiction has the ability to influence reality, some times fiction IS just fiction, and saying this from a place of love: IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT DEEP. Sometimes the girlies just want some unhinged absolute gratitious smut, some girlies want the most heart wrenching traumatizing angst, some people want the most rancid and unhealthy parts to see how worse they can go, and some girlies want the soft slice of life absolute peaceful fluff AND that's why fiction is great, it can contain ANYTHING! Of course, it is still important to keep a critical lens on everything we read, but it's also important to keep in mind that it's a space where people can explore their boundaries SAFELY.

@shortstrawberry GIRL. when you said that i couldn't help but agree for a hot moment, bc EVERYONE needs a chill pill. But at the same time the arguement that it's just fiction isn't gonna cut it, bc there are too many flavors of fiction for people NOT to react. Thus, my earlier statements: that Fiction is a safe place to explore one's thoughts, no matter how dark it gets, but at the same time we have the responsibility in learning to recognize that there are still certain critical thinking we MUST do in order to properly handle such things. Not everyone is comfortable in what we create, and thus warnings need be applied. But otherwise, it's free real estate!!!

ALSO ough what anyone writes OR creates doesn't reflect their mental health or mental state!!!!!!!!! please you guys. sometimes exploring the possibilities is just that. EXPLORING. it doesn't mean the creator is a monster or a freak for making it. all content is a piece of artistic rendition, and just because the message is unpalatable to your senses doesnt mean it's garbage, nor of need to be censored. If you don't like it, simply click block and go!!!!!

As for the rest of the reblogs in the respective posts. Y'ALL. you dont WANT to start the kinkshaming discourse. But i'm on the side of NO kink shaming. As long as it's safe, sane, and consensual, who are YOU to judge the people involved? ... Don't forget the roots of the queer community. Our lifestyle was just kink to the majority then, and still is perceived by many conservatives as such. LEARN.

[demodraws0606]

All i'll say is

Believing that Dr*am is a groomer does not mean you have any moral high ground to judge people who don't think he is.

This situation is complex and both side have pretty damning evidence on the other. You can't blame either side for believing what they believe.

You are ALLOWED to hate Dream, you are allowed to not feel comfortable around people who are fans of him. You are allowed to think he is a groomer without being attacked for it.

You are NOT allowed to tell people to end their own life or that they're a "pedo defender". Holding moral judgement about people you dont even fucking know personally in a situation like this is not helping anyone.

I'm not gonna say what I personally believe because no one's fucking buiseness. All I want to say is that the trend of judging people's morality in situation like this is just purely a way to make yourself feel better.

We live in the real world, sometimes situations aren't black and white.

Idc make assumptions about this if you want, internet genuinely has been fucking vile recently and my hope in people's critical thinking skills have sunk to an all time low.

This isn't even about Dream I'm gonna be honest although the issue is especially worse with him. You could replace him with a piece of fucking cheese and I would say the same thing.

It's not just Twitter, the internet from the beginning has instilled into people such a chronic fear of being a bad person, it's rotted people's brains.

Leading to shit like policing queer identities and supporting people's horrid behavior for the sake of feeling superior, of feeling like you're the one in the right.

I'm so sick of people constantly fighting eachother, it's disheartening to see the internet has just become like this now. I've had panic attacks thinking of how people would perceive me for opinions I DIDNT EVEN SHARE on the internet back in the day. For fucking enjoying content people saw as problematic.

People act like they're doing this to help people or a cause but let's be honest what good are you fucking doing beefing with random people on social media ? What are you acheiving ? You can't tell me people don't find personal satisfaction in feeling morally superior to someone.

Btw if you take anything in this post out of context or look into my other posts to try and assume shit about me, you are what this post is about. Fuck off and don't ever fucking interact with me.

Anyways, probably gonna take a break from social media outside of discord and youtube (idk if they count as social media but idc). Might change dependent on if I get hate for this post or not and if I something to brainrot about.

This rant was ruminating in my brain for a long time I'd argue even before the Green Bitch was in the picture but it definitely became the tipping point for me to realise that the majority of people on the Internet are just Awful.

[journalsouppe]

APOLLO JUSTICE!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! What i would literally give to have a true AA4 sequel. I wholeheartedly believe if Yamazaki's team could ignore aa4 canon to make 5 & 6 then Shu Takumi should absolutely be allowed to ignore any 5&6 canon to make an aa4 sequel. I'm dying out here pleaseeeeee

The Phoenix sticker is from Peachcott. The Klavier sticker is from Ayabit from the Turnabout Cinema zine. The Apollo and Trucy stickers are from astarsor.

Writing typed below!

rating: 9.8 played: Fa 2023 port: 3DS favorite? Y replayable: Y recommend? Y series: Ace Attorney

Comments

THE JUDGE PAINTING

apollo's such a dork <3

ooo i like the perceive function

i love the music

DONT SAY THAT TRUCY T_T

there's so much going on in this investigation

wow i love how uneasy i feel even after the trial ended

LMAO I FORGOT ABOUT THE PHOENIX SEX PHOTO

i dont think y'all want your panties back...

klav's a bill and ted fan i see lol

LOVE mr eldoon's design 10/10

klapollo meet cute moment LMAO

oops ^^; i accidentally wrote a 600 word essay about the first case

i like how apollo cried over trucy

IT'S JUSTICE TIME??? T^T

i like klavier's hands a normal amount

alita must have some dirty fucking feet

the animations are so smooth

apollo being jealous of klavier at the concert and thinking he's cool LMAO

apollo is WHIPPED

trucy is KILLING it in court, she really is nick's daughter

klavier's shoe print *skull emoji*

out of pocket shiny forehead comment LMAO

lamiroir has similar vocal tones as malon!

THE PENIS FIRE AND KLAV PUTTING IT OUT IN THE BKGD

the smile and hair twirl klavier LMAO

why am i doing this music recording thing T^T

i dont like looking at daryan T_T

letouse kazuma moment lmao

capcom loves the face down death with writing on the ground huh LMAO

wtf is the judge talking about

i love all these scientific tests with ema! :)

i love the snackoos SFX

klav does not miss an opportunity to take a short at apollo's big forehead LMAO

APOLLO YOU DUMBASS

faking blindness is crazy

I KNEW IT WOULD BE DARYAN'S VOICE

klav's office is so much more normal than edgeworth's

WAIT IS IT GRAMARYE AND NOT GRAYMAYRE??

THE ANIMALS??

i love apollo and lamiroir goofing on klav

similar tech opening to brc

WTF WAS THAT KRISTOPH JUMPSCARE T-T

LORD DADDY???

oh he's insufferable

HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHY VERA IS STARING AT KLAV??

"rip off" phoenix is so real for that

are they injecting magnifi with piss??

im curious why kristoph would do this to phoenix

he just left his daughter???

tf is going on

T^T THE KRISTOPH ZOOM IN

why does klav have that egg from dragon tales

apollo understands me with mascots

this is so gay omfg

daryan not liking trucy means he goes even more into the shit book than before

apollo the journaling king

the x-ray function is a really fun addition

BABY TRUCY

omg phoenix with out the ugly hd redraw

GUMSHOE

he said it!!! he said 'ace attorney' lmao

i love and hate that i have to present the journal page

why does the screen shake when mr misham speaks T_T

THAT SCAR IS FREAKY

siblings omgggg

Summary:

I love this game so much. I love it so much that I am heartbroken knowing that AA 5 & 6 butchers the story it setup and I'm considering not even playing them unless AA7 is announced. I love all the main characters so much, the whole story was so well built and I can def see the influence the story had on DGS. Apollo is such a good protagonist, he's relatable but also so unique. I love seeing his character progression in the game: a new attorney who is easily manipulated to a confident and determined attorney who trusts in his own judgement. I LOVED Klavier oh my god. I love how much he respects Apollo and although he doesn't hesitate to tease him, he doesn't bully or abuse Apollo in any way. They both have a mutual admiration and rivalry where they try to play as fairly as possible. Klav doesn't maliciously withhold or change evidence, but he does spend hours reviewing his arsenal and thinks of all the counter arguments the defense could bring up. I really like Apollo's ability, it continues the mystery and mysticism from the original trilogy but with new mechanics. I adore Trucy so much. She honestly might be my favorite AA character. She's determined, strong willed, and above all -- extremely silly. I couldn't of asked for a better character to be Phoenix's daughter. I also LOVE the sibling reveal at the end but gdi if only they actually figure it out T^T T^T. I think Apollo and Trucy's dynamic is probably my favorite Defense and assistant dynamic. This who game was so fun, I know 4-3 is not everyone's favorite and it is a little all over the place but I also enjoyed it and loved the premise. There's so much to say, I haven't even talked about Nick and Kris - what an incredible feud, what a genius development for Nick. I cannot recommend this game enough, I am so obsessed with it and cannot wait to make art <3 <3.

[nyxshadowhawk]

I Read The Silmarillion So You Don't Have To, Part Four

Here are the previous parts:

https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/726120109073104896/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/726261927846772736/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/726476229805473792/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

Chapter 7: Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Noldor In which the peace is disturbed by conspiracy theories and shiny objects.

Fëanor decides to preserve the light of the Two Trees of Valinor… you know, in case anything ever happens to them. Somehow, using all of his knowledge and power and craftsmanship, he captures their light and uses it to create THE SILMARILS! The Silmarils are the biggest, brightest, and most beautiful gemstones in the history of Elfkind. No one but Fëanor knows what they’re made of (and at this point in time, he isn’t exactly in a position to tell anyone), but they look like diamonds and are completely unbreakable. Just as the bodies of the Children of Ilúvatar are shells for the soul, the crystal that composes the Silmarils is a shell for the light of the Two Trees — literally, the stones are actually alive. They are like three stars.

Silmarils of Fëanor by Nikulina-Helena

Side note — this isn’t technically in the text of The Silmarillion, it’s from Unfinished Tales, but I have to mention it because it’s hilarious — Fëanor got the idea to preserve the light of the Trees because Galadriel wouldn’t give him her hair. Here’s the relevant part of Unfinished Tales:

Even among the Eldar she was accounted beautiful, and her hair was held a marvel unmatched. It was golden like the hair of her father and of her foremother Indis, but richer and more radiant, for its gold was touched by some memory of the starlike silver of her mother; and the Eldar said that the light of the Two Trees, Laurelin and Telperion, had been snared in her tresses. Many thought that this saying first gave to Fëanor the thought of imprisoning and blending the light of the Trees that later took shape in his hands as the Silmarils. For Fëanor beheld the hair of Galadriel with wonder and delight. He begged three times for a tress, but Galadriel would not give him even one hair. These two kinsfolk, the greatest of the Eldar of Valinor, were unfriends for ever. […] there dwelt in her the noble and generous spirit of the Vanyar, and a reverence for the Valar that she could not forget. From her earliest years she had a marvellous gift of insight into the minds of others, but judged them with mercy and understanding, and she withheld her goodwill from none save only Fëanor. In him she perceived a darkness that she hated and feared, though she did not perceive that the shadow of the same evil had fallen upon the minds of all the Noldor, and upon her own.

So, just to reiterate: Galadriel is wise and benevolent and loves everyone except Fëanor, because Fëanor is just that much of an arrogant asshole. So when Fëanor asks her for her hair, she basically tells him where he can stick it, and he goes, “Well fine! I didn’t need your hair anyway! I’m going to make gems that are even prettier and shinier than your hair, and then everyone will be jealous!” And that is why it’s such a big deal that Galadriel grants Gimli’s much humbler request for her hair. Gimli may be a dwarf, but he’s actually a good person!

Anyway, everyone is impressed by the Silmarils, even the Valar themselves. Varda, the goddess of the stars, blessed them so that nothing evil could touch them.

Now, I already said that Melkor lusted for all the shiny things that the Noldor had dug up, so how do you think he reacted when he saw the Silmarils? Oh, you’d better believe he wanted those gems more than anything else in the world. He concocted an evil plan to sew as much discord between the Elves and the Valar as possible, and to destroy Fëanor in the process. Unfortunately, enough of the Elves start to listen to his rumors. They start to believe that the Valar brought them to Valinor to stop them from ruling kingdoms of their own. Melkor also told the Elves about the eventual coming of Men, which the Elves knew nothing about. Melkor didn’t know much about Men either, but it was enough to spread a conspiracy theory that Manwë was holding the Elves hostage in Valinor so that Men could take over the world, cheating the Elves out of their God-given inheritance. The Noldor start to want to go back East, to be free of the Valar’s influence so they can start building kingdoms of their own and establishing themselves before the Men come.

Fëanor especially is desperate to get out of Valinor, which is exactly what Melkor wanted, because this was all just a ploy to get the Silmarils. But Fëanor is just as obsessive about them, keeping them locked deep in his “horde” (as though he’s a dragon), except when he parades around wearing them during feasts. He doesn’t let anyone see them, except for his father and his sons. He’s already started to forget that the entire point of them was to preserve the light of the Trees of Valinor, and not just to glorify himself.

Fëanor by dakkun39

Melkor starts to zero in on his mark. He spreads a new lie that Fingolfin, Fëanor’s brother, was planning to supplant him as Finwë’s heir. And to Fingolfin, he says that Fëanor has always hated his half-brothers and plans to kick them out of the city of Tirion.

As the unrest brews, Melkor teaches the Noldor how to make weapons. Each family of Noldor believes that only they know about the weapons, and that none of the other families do. Meanwhile, Fëanor makes a secret forge to experiment with crafting weapons, so he and his family can have especially dangerous ones. Even Melkor didn’t know about that, that was all Fëanor. Mahtan, Fëanor’s father-in-law, bitterly regretted having taught him anything about metalwork.

Fëanor openly calls for revolution against the Valar, and escaping back East. That crosses a line. Finwë holds court and asks his lords what he should do. Fingolfin asks him, “Why are you letting Fëanor call all the shots? He’s not King. You’re the King. You tell him to stop!” Fëanor promptly bursts through the doors and struts up to the podium, armed to the teeth. He draws his sword on Fingolfin and tells him to fuck off. Fingolfin hastily bows to Finwë and gets the hell out of there before his own brother murders him on the house floor. Fëanor follows him and starts taunting him. Fingolfin has the good sense not to respond.

By Jenny Dolfen

Now the Valar get involved. They were sad about the Noldor wanting to leave, but whatever Melkor might say, the Valar weren’t about to keep them there against their will. This, though? This is a step too far. They summon Fëanor to stand trial before them. During the trial, it’s finally revealed that Melkor, not Fëanor, is ultimately to blame for all the unrest. Tulkas doesn’t even wait for the trial to be over to go and put Melkor’s lights out. Meanwhile Mandos (the god of death/purgatory) delivers his judgement on Fëanor: “If you’re our ‘thralls,’ then I hate to break this to you, but Manwë is the king of all of Arda, not just Valinor. So… going back East isn’t going to help you very much. Threatening to kill your brother is still a crime whether here or in Middle-earth, so I sentence you to exile from the city of Tirion for twelve years. Go and think about what you did! Then, after your time-out is over, if your family forgives you, we’ll let you back in.”

Fingolfin speaks up to say that he already forgives Fëanor, which is very charitable of him. But Fëanor just sulks and stalks off. Honestly, he’s had it easy — he hasn’t even been asked to leave Valinor, only to leave the city! He leaves with his seven sons and founds his own fortress, Formenos, some distance from Tirion, where he hoards all his gems and weapons and other sparkly things (including the Silmarils). Finwë loves Fëanor so much that he leaves his own city to be with Fëanor, and Fingolfin becomes king of Tirion in his place. So, in the end, Melkor’s lie became a self-fulfilling prophecy: Fingolfin did become King of the Noldor instead of Fëanor, not because of any treachery on his part, but because of Fëanor’s shitty behavior. Nice going, Fëanor.

Melkor lays low for a while, disguised as a cloud. No one hears anything of him for a bit, but the Trees look slightly darker and the shadows slightly more ominous. Suddenly, he turns up on Fëanor’s doorstep and pretends to be friends, using the self-fulfilling prophecy to his advantage to make it sound like everything he’s said so far is true. Melkor offers to help Fëanor leave Valinor. Fëanor still thinks that Melkor is kind of sus, but Melkor gets to him by mentioning the Silmarils, and how they won’t be safe as long as Fëanor stays in Valinor. Unfortunately for Melkor, he showed his hand too soon. Fëanor finally sees that the Silmarils are what Melkor’s really been after this whole time. He screams the equivalent of “Get the fuck out of my house!” and slams the door in the face of what is technically the most powerful being on Arda. Melkor runs off with his tail between his legs, but Finwë recognizes that this isn’t over, and calls for Manwë’s help. Manwë and the other Valar chase Melkor to the edge of Valinor, and everything is suddenly fine for a while… the Trees are bright again, and Melkor is nowhere to be seen, but not knowing where he is might actually be worse. The people of Valinor can feel him lurking on the edge of the horizon.

Fëanor and Silmarils by breath-art

Chapter 8: Of the Darkening of Valinor In which everything goes to hell.

The Valar assume that Melkor returned to his old fortress in the north, but they didn’t find him there. Instead, Melkor shapeshifted and slunk southwards, to a shadowy land called Avathar. He was going to visit… an old friend, shall we say.

If you think Shelob is bad, you haven’t met her mother.

By John Howe

Ungoliant isn’t just a spider, she’s an eldritch abomination that happens to take the form of a spider. Even the Valar don’t really know where she came from, and she managed to escape them by hiding in the south where they weren’t turning their attention. She weaves webs that suck in all the light around them. Melkor takes the form of a tall Dark Lord and tells Ungoliant that he will feed her whatever she wants in exchange for her help in conquering Valinor (although at this point, you should already know that when Melkor promises anything, it’s with his fingers crossed behind his back). Ungoliant agrees, and they decide to attack while the people of Valinor are celebrating a harvest festival. Because whenever anysort of disaster happens, it’s when everyone is unsuspectingly having a party.

Fëanor sulkily attends the festival, only because Manwë literally ordered him to be there, but the other elves of his household (including Finwë) don’t show up. Fëanor also deliberately underdresses for the party; instead of parading around with the Silmarils like he used to, he decided that the Valar didn’t deserve to see them, and kept them locked up in his castle. Fëanor reconciles with his half-brother Fingolfin right in front of Manwë’s throne, and may even have been sincere! The Trees shine with a perfect blend of silver and gold… for the last time.

The poor Elves and the Valar barely have time to react. Melkor leaps on top of the sacred mound and strikes each Tree through with his spear, and Ungoliant drinks up all the sap that gushes out of them like blood, and they quickly wither and die. Then Ungoliant drinks up all the well water, and she looks so huge and bloated that even Melkor is afraid of her.

And… that’s it. Just like that, it’s over. The Trees are dead. The resulting darkness is almost a palpable thing that can attack the body and soul. The Valar and all the Elves gathered in Manwë’s palace are thunderstruck as the lights suddenly go out, and then, they hear the screams of the Teleri, who have had nothing to do with this whole mess and had no idea that there was any unrest in Valinor to begin with. You know what I’m reminded of? That scene in The Prince of Egypt when God kills the firstborn of every Egyptian household, and there’s a shot of Orion, a beat of silence, and then a wail of grief and despair goes up.

Manwë sends the Valar to chase after Melkor, but they can’t penetrate Ungoliant’s cloud of darkness, and it’s too late. The damage was done.

By Titita

Chapter 9: Of the Flight of the Noldor In which the Valar have finally had enough of Fëanor’s bullshit.

Valinor is left in shock. Yavanna tries in vain to heal the Trees, but they are dead, and there’s nothing she can do… unless she had a little of the light of the Trees, which Fëanor fortunately preserved in the Silmarils. Manwë asks Fëanor if he will give Yavanna a Silmaril. Fëanor whines that just as the Trees were Yavanna’s masterpiece, the Silmarils are his masterpiece, and if he breaks any one of them, he’ll be the first of the Elves to die. Mandos mutters that he wouldn’t be the first, since his mother Míriel died, but no one takes his meaning.

Fëanor goes off to sulk, and remembers what Melkor said: that the Valar want the Silmarils, and will do anything to get them. Now they’re asking him to give them one. Fëanor concludes that because Melkor, a Vala, is such a shitty person, then all the other Valar must be the same. He tells the Valar that he will not give them a Silmaril, and that if they try to take one from him by force, then that will prove that they really are just as bad as Melkor.

That’s that, then. Because Fëanor is such a selfish asshole, the Trees are not healed, and there’s nothing left to do but to mourn. Nienna, the goddess of sorrow, stands on top of the mound where the Trees used to be and laments the scarring of Arda, letting her tears wash away the destruction caused by Ungoliant and Melkor.

Then Elves from Formenos, Fëanor’s fortress, arrive to tell the Valar about another of Melkor’s crimes: He broke into Formenos, murdered Finwë, and stole everything that was in Fëanor’s treasure horde. The Silmarils are gone. Fëanor is enraged, firstly because the Silmarils are gone, secondly because he was at Manwë’s stupid party instead of defending his castle, and thirdly because his beloved father is dead. This is when he first calls Melkor by the name Morgoth (which is what he’ll be called for the rest of the Silmarillion).

History might have been different if Fëanor had originally said yes to Yavanna’s request, before learning that Morgoth had stolen the Silmarils. We can’t know.

Meanwhile Morgoth and Ungoliant take the long way back to Middle-earth. Morgoth hopes to eventually escape from Ungoliant, because even he’s afraid of her, but she catches on. She tells Morgoth that she’s still hungry, and she wants to eat all the treasure he stole from Formenos. So Morgoth, begrudgingly, feeds her all of Fëanor’s beautiful gemstones. All but three, that is. The Silmarils literally burn Morgoth’s hand, because Varda made them evil-proof, but he grips them tightly and refuses to give them to her. He’s a lot weaker than he should be because he lent Ungoliant so much of his power, and she weaves a web of darkness to strangle him. Melkor screams so loud that his screaming can still be heard in that region to this day. Deep beneath the ruins of Angband, the Balrogs still lurked, and when they heard their Lord cry for help, they came to save him. Let’s just reiterate that: Ungoliant is so evil that Morgoth, who’s like Sauron but worse, needed Balrogs to save him from her.

By Sheppi-Arthouse

Ungoliant fled, and lurked for some time in a dark valley where she mated with other spider-creatures and ate their heads. No one knows what happened to her after that. She might still be out there, but one legend says that eventually, in her eternal hunger, she ate herself.

Morgoth rebuilds Angband, amasses his armies of Balrogs and Orcs, and gives himself the modest title of “King of the World.” He forges himself an iron crown and sets the three Silmarils in it. But his hands are permanently burned by having held them, and he can never take off the crown. He stews in his hatred, and vents his humiliation at the eight spidery legs of Ungoliant by abusing his minions. Despite how pathetic that near-defeat was, Melkor is still technically a Vala, and is so terrifying in his majesty that no one can even be near him without being consumed by fear.

By NeexSethe

Back in Valinor, everyone is depressed. Then Fëanor shows up and gives a rousing speech to the Noldor, mostly condemning Morgoth, but also repeating all of the lies that Morgoth had spread about the Valar. Fëanor declares himself King of the Noldor since his father is dead (which isn’t anything like what Morgoth just did), and persuades the Noldor that they shouldn’t live under the Valar’s rule anymore. After all, the Valar failed to keep out Morgoth, and they’re related to him so they must be partly to blame for his actions. Fëanor doesn’t want to be anywhere near the distant cousins of the guy who killed his father. Also, look at the greener grass back in Middle-earth where the Noldor can build an empire for themselves! They can become a warlike people, and conquer Middle-earth before the Men come! Fëanor throws some racial supremacy into the mix and says that once the Noldor have waged war on Morgoth and taken back the Silmarils, they alone will be the lords of the last remaining Light.

Then Fëanor and his sons draw their swords and swear an oath that they will hunt to the ends of the earth any creature — Vala, Demon, Elf, or Man — who possesses a Silmaril.

By Jenny Dolfen

Despite having just disavowed the Valar, this oath is still sworn with the gods and their sacred mountain as witnesses, so… old religious habits die hard.

Immediately, unrest erupts among the Noldor. Fingolfin and his son Turgon are horrified, Finarfin (Fëanor’s other brother) tries to calm everything down, and Galadriel (the only woman there) likes the idea of seeing Middle-earth and ruling a realm of her own. Fëanor’s side of the debate eventually wins, and the Noldor depart for Middle-earth. Fëanor hurries them out of there before they have the chance to change their minds.

Of course, the remaining problem is that Fëanor can’t simply declare himself king so easily. Fingolfin has been King of the Noldor ever since Fëanor was exiled from the city, and most of the Noldor are still loyal to him. He’s also level-headed and kind, whereas Fëanor is a hot mess. Fingolfin doesn’t want to leave Valinor, but accepts that he doesn’t have much of a choice, because he doesn’t want to abandon his people. Also, his son Fingon is urging him to go. Finarfin is even less willing to leave, but follows Fingolfin anyway for similar reasons.

By BellaBergolts

As the Noldor are leaving, a messenger arrives from Manwë. He says that the Valar won’t prevent the Noldor from leaving, since the Elves are free to do whatever they want, but that the Valar strongly advise against it. But Fëanor and his family are explicitly exiled from Valinor, on account of their oath. The messenger emphasizes that Fëanor is right — Melkor is a Vala —which is exactly why Fëanor and co. stand no chance against him or against any of the other Valar. So, the oath is impossible to fulfill. That sucks, because oaths are serious business, and once you’ve made an oath, you can’t simply disregard it. Fëanor has basically condemned himself and all of his sons to an impossible, borderline-blasphemous and utterly hubristic venture. Nice going, Fëanor.

Of course, Fëanor gives a typical arrogant response, urging the Noldor not to send their king into exile and “return to bondage.” He says to the messenger, “Go tell Manwë that even if I can’t beat Morgoth, at least I’m gonna try, instead of sitting on my sorry ass and grieving! My battle with Morgoth is gonna be so legendary that one day the Valar will realize I was right!” Fëanor is so intimidating that even the messenger of Manwë bows to him in response. And so, the Noldor leave into exile — some boldly and without looking back, some very reluctantly.

They quickly run into the first big problem: How do they get to Middle-earth? Fëanor first tries to follow Melkor and go north, to cross the narrow strip of land that connects the two continents. But realistically, there’s no way that an entire nation’s worth of people are going to cover that distance. The other option is to cross the sea itself, but the only way to do that is with ships, and the Noldor don’t know how to build them. Fëanor decides to persuade the Teleri to join his company, which would get them the ships they need — and spitefully, Fëanor hopes to further dismantle Valinor and gain himself more soldiers for his war against Morgoth.

The Teleri are sad that their friends are leaving, and completely unwilling to lend them any ships or go against the will of the Valar. Olwë, the King of the Teleri, never heard any of Morgoth’s conspiracy theories, so everything Fëanor says sounds completely insane. You can imagine how well that went over with Fëanor. He’s like, “You owe us because we helped you build your city! You stragglers would still be living in mud huts if it weren’t for us!” Olwë points out that friends don’t let friends make such stupid decisions, that the plan was to live together in Valinor forever, and that the Noldor didn’t teach the Teleri shipbuilding. They learned to build ships on their own, directly from the sea gods, and don’t owe the Noldor anything. The Teleri feel the same way about their ships as Fëanor does about his jewels — they’re unique masterpieces, and can never be replicated.

Fëanor doesn’t take no for an answer, and tries to take the ships by force. The Teleri fight back. What follows is the first large-scale battle between Elves. It’s brutal and sad — there’s deaths on both sides, but the Noldor win and steal the precious ships away. (Don’t ask me how the Noldor know how to sail the ships — sailing isn’t exactly a skill that one can just pick up.) Olwë calls upon Ossë, the Maia of the Waves, but he doesn’t come, because the Valar swore to neither help nor hinder the Noldor’s departure. But Uinen, the Maia of sea life, is so distraught over the cruel deaths of the Teleri mariners that she wrecks several of the ships.

By Ted Nasmith

When the Noldor reach the shore, a dark figure rises up from the cold mountains. Some say the figure was Mandos himself. He pronounces the “Prophecy of the North”: Anyone who’s studied pagan mythology knows that kinslaying is just about the worst thing you can do, so now all the Noldor are exiled, not just Fëanor and his sons. But Fëanor has well and truly brought down the wrath of the Valar upon his head. They’ve given him enough second chances. Now, his oath isn’t just useless — it’s actively a curse that will destroy his family, drive them to evil and treason, and keep the Silmarils forever just out of reach. After they die — and they will die, despite the immortality granted to them by Eru Ilúvatar — their souls will return to the Halls of Mandos as ghosts. The Noldor who don’t die will slowly diminish, and watch their own power fade as the other races gradually supplant them, leaving them with nothing but regret.

Mandos by marcelamedeiros_arts

Don’t let anyone tell you that Tolkien’s Elves are all perfect beings who are prettier, wiser, more magical, and otherwise superior to everyone else. The reason why all the Elves of the LotR fit that description is because only the wise Elves last that long. All the arrogant, hotheaded, and power-hungry Elves don’t make it to the Third Age because they’ve all killed each other by then.

Case in point, Fëanor responds to this imposing figure pronouncing the wrath of the gods with his typical arrogance, insisting that he and his family are not cowards and that treason is just another evil that they’ll have to deal with. And, as an extra “fuck you,” that everyone will sing of their deeds until the end of the world.

At that, Finarfin turns back. He never actually wanted to leave Valinor, he hates that the battle ruined his friendship with Olwë, and he’s deeply resentful towards the House of Fëanor for having caused this whole mess. He and his people receive the Valar’s forgiveness, and return to their beautiful city of Tirion. Finarfin rules over the Noldor that returned with him, but without his children, because they didn’t turn back. They wanted to stay with Fingolfin’s sons, Fingon and Turgon, and they aren’t the sort of people to abandon a task halfway, so they continue on.

Fëanor, Fingolfin, and the other Noldor reach the far north, where the continents of Aman and Middle-earth meet. They’re cold, hungry, and don’t know which way to go next. Some of the Elves are starting to catch on that Fëanor and his propaganda is the cause of all their trouble. Fëanor is already starting to fear treachery, so he takes his sons and all the ships, and straight-up abandons Fingolfin and his people to freeze to death. Fëanor becomes the first Noldor Elf to set foot on Middle-earth.

Maedhros, Fëanor’s eldest son, asks him if he’ll send any ships back for Fingolfin’s people (specifically Fingon). Fëanor laughs at his son, calls his brother and nephews and all their people “worthless baggage,” and then burns the ships. Maedhros just stands aside and lets him do it. (I’m guessing that the inability of Fëanor’s kids to stand up to their father is going to become a recurring source of conflict.) So, the curse has already come into effect.

The Burning of the Ships by Ted Nasmith

In spite of Fëanor, Fingolfin and his company pass through the icy wastes in the farthest north, and eventually reach Middle-earth, though they lost many along the way. The narrator tells us straight-up that few of the deeds of the Noldor will ever surpass that desperate crossing.

We're a quarter of the way through!

Next part: https://nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com/post/738735962858897408/i-read-the-silmarillion-so-you-dont-have-to-part

[itgomyway]

the importance of self love

social media especially tiktok is filled with people’s negative outcomes of their own perceived relationships. please do not let it infect your pure being. you are worthy of happiness and to be healthy. the people in your life you want to love, love you because they ARE you.

if you love yourself, naturally you will start to appreciate the world around you and love it because the world around you is you. everything is consciousness and consciousness is you. if you have negative feelings about yourself then those translate into other forms of consciousness

these forms of consciousness, while not real, are as real as you make them out to be. why not choose to make positive circumstances since its not real in the first place? why dwell on negative outcomes that never existed in the first place?

the only thing that is here and will always be here is you. you are so powerful the moment i try to describe just how much, with words, i limit you. “god” “the creator” “the observer” “awareness” “master manifester” all of these dont even come close to your true power

i believe regarding our life on this planet, we were conceived through an act of love and brought into this world as pure love. babies dont hate. they dont judge. they don’t discriminate. that shit is TAUGHT. who we really are are pure beings made out of love to love.

its your birthright to experience love. its your birthright to express love. ITS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT TO FEEL IT BECAUSE THATS YOU. how could you ever hope to love “someone else” when you dont even love yourself? that “other person” is actually you so if you dont love you, you dont love “them”

please be so kind and patient with yourself. unlearning years of others toxic and limiting beliefs can be difficult but i promise you, you can return back to your natural state by “being” just love yourself and let yourself be 🤍

© itgomyway

[fairybr4t]

i’m gonna reach a point soon where i just don’t post at all (obviously on here i will bc this is the only app where i don’t feel heavily judged lmao) because i just feel like if i post on instagram people are judging me if i a post a tiktok people are judging me if i post on twitter people are judging me or just scrolling past my tweet and ignoring it and it honestly makes me super insecure. i already have a problem with being perceived and that’s why like i dont even post my face much anymore because i just feel so ugly and awkward and i just feel like i’m deadass annoying bc all i fucking do is complain about my mental illnesses/life problems. i think i honestly just need to make all my shit private and keep only the homies on my accounts bc i’m just tired of being perceived by random people/people who have something against me for no reason/family members like i just want to feel safe and comfortable posting and not have to be so anxious :((