#just say you think butch is a fashion style and a body type

[butchlifeguard]

you guys do know that theres more to being gnc than clothes right

[wiitchkins]

Hello!!! okay obviously your knowledge of and taste in fashion is INCREDIBLE, we ALL know this, it is ELITE AND SUPERIOR - my question is, what's your background in fashion? what influences do you consider very important in your art? you mentioned in your most recent drawing of marinette that guo pei's couture is some you really like, so you clearly Know Some Stuff about fashion!! p.s. your art is *waves hands around* i would let it eat me

Ahhhhhh!! Thank you thank you thank you this means so much to me to hear! As for my background in fashion…

I am sorry to say I actually have basically 0 actual background in fashion aside from watching almost every season of project runway as it was airing (dropped off a few seasons after Tim and Heidi left) and a long standing appreciation of fashion as an art form.

I’ve never been particularly fashion forward or stylistically adept and I would say pretty much up until I started college I was pretty. Unstylish. Anti-stylish? In my own wardrobe. Nowadays I actually mostly present in way that leans more butch and I do have a defined style I’m both comfortable in and actively enjoy, but it’s very very different from what I like to draw and design.

As the internet evolved it became a lot easier to find stuff and for the past mmm five or so years I try to keep up with the seasonal runways, a lot of which you can find literal photos and recordings of on Vogue.com. Couture is… deeply fundamentally different from “ready to wear” in that it’s often simply unwearable in everyday life, but I think the way it emphasizes certain shapes, forms, and movement is, simply put, absolutely fucking sick (it is however not without its problems as in my experience mmm some Couture fashion folks can be extremely pretentious and intolerable 🙄 not to mention the space itself is highly inaccessible, favors certain features/body types/skin tones, and is inherently classcist, etc etc)

To keep up with what’s currently “fashionable” (as in what people are actually wearing) I honestly just scroll through Instagram to see who’s wearing what and going through different tags and knowing keywords for what different groups elf describe as helps. “#streetwear” is gonna give you a different feed than “#it girl” is gonna give you a different feed than “#office fit”. I also like to scroll through instas and tumblrs that are literally just interviews and photos with random people op finds out in the world- you see personality in how things are put together in specific. What makes a look personal to them? What is practicality and what is fashion, and how much of each does each individual desire? I don’t think everyone is the same kind of Fashion Forward (or even is fashion forward) and I think it’s fun to find different niches and mix and match while still applying design theory Ive learned elsewhere. Even a character who is specifically Not Fashionable is that way in a specific sense, and could still have an appealing design. Also studying fashion at all gave me the ability to draw fabric which is a huge skill.

Without saying too much about my actual job, I am not a character designer at the moment, but I do think having this general knowledge of costume design and vested interest in keeping up current fashion (both ready to wear and couture/runway) is extremely important in my profession and wish it was more emphasized as I think it would be. Very helpful. The character design in Apple TV’s/Skydance’s Luck drives me absolutely bonkers because it sucks so much and the main characters looks like an old navy ad circa 2010. The same could unfortunately be said for our fav girl Marinette. She’s allowed to be less aggressively Fashionable because she is in fact a child, but I’d love to see a bit more attention to detail and understanding of what teens wear nowadays, let alone what they were wearing even 5 years ago. Her look was a tiny bit dated when the show was first released, but it’s even more egregious now. Not that they’re going to change it anytime soon but they had an opportunity in the movie to at least play with proportions since the jacket’s.. cut I guess and pink capri jeans are the most egregious. Maybe I’ll do a redesign that keeps the general idea/pieces in tact… idk. God. Please character designers learn fashion.

Anyway now that I’ve written an essay here’s some stuff I’ve liked and have been thinking about recently:

Guo Pei (as I said, Spring 2019 rules, but Spring 2017, 2018 and Fall 2019 are my favs)

Zimmerman Fall/Winter 2022

Heaven Gaia Spring 2022 Couture

Clio Peppiatt x Annie’s Ibiza current collab collection

Lawrence Basse (all her work tbh)

Zuhair Murad Fall 2022

Tran Hung Fall 2017

Alexander McQueen Menswear Fall 2022 and 2018

Christian Dior Resort 2023

Janelle Monae’s Pre-Dirty Computer Era

Thierry Mugler (his entire body of work tbh but rn I like Resort 2021)

Hawwa (@hellohawwa)

Jarvis Aivali (@jarvisaivali)

This is not to mention my love for pre-colonial Filipino textiles, 1920s butch lesbian fashion, charro suits, whatever the look is called with the giant oversized floral button shirt and the jeans is, bright colorful floral/and or embroidered suits, ami thompson’s knight and princess characters, and the catholic met gala specifically.

[feminisedlad]

thank u for standing up abt femboy because like i've never seen it used in a transmisogynist context, just as a descriptor for male-identified characters with certain body types or fashion styles? and seeing men drawn with wide hips and soft chests and other features considered "feminine," and still being considered attractive in their own way, has really, REALLY helped my dysphoria.

yw, i dont like being told 'u should believe me bc ..... dude trust me' abt issues regarding gender and sexuality so its a pet peeve of mine. i feel similarly wrt dysphoria alleviation even tho im not 100% a dude. if u want to know why some ppl think its a bad term, its bc the term sometimes gets conflated with 'tr*p', a term that is 100% transmisogynistic bc its origins are basically 'haha this is a man trapping people into thinking he's a woman' and like. ok that's clearly transmisogynistic. obviously. but the word 'femboy' just doesnt have that origin, nor that connotation, nor that usage. it literally just means 'a feminine dude' and like . yeah people can misuse that transmisogynistically but its sort of like saying that ppl cant identify as 'butch' bc some ppl transphobically call ftms butches. like. ok. not really how that works. ultimately the fact is that 'femboy' is a somewhat sexualized term that has its origins in porn; some ppl transphobically use the term to refer to trans women, which is obviously very harmful, but the vast, vast majority of the time ppl use the term to mean 'feminine dude' like you said. (caveat that some trans women use the term to describe themselves bc gender is a shell game and thats also obviously also fine. ppl can do whatever). anyway i dont think im wrong about this in any way shape or form and itll take more than a rando tumblr person to convince me. they wont, though, bc the reason is always just 'bc i say so' even though the vast majority of trans women ive seen and spoken with mostly just seem sick of the femboy discourse altogether -- and i cant blame them, lol.

[zmediaoutlet]

Hey I'm super intrigued by your halmanverse stuff (just finished reading your most recent mpreg fic and also timelapse and also the omegaverse explanation post) but I'm still kinda confused, maybe because I'm in general already overthinking gender like 95% of the time. I have a lot of questions but mainly I was wondering what specific differences you imagine between halman Dean and male Dean? Mostly physical/presentation-wise, but also in terms of personality/emotion/emotional expression/etc?

oh wow, I’m glad you’re interested! (and even went back to that ancient post! bro!) I related to the overthinking part--I’m not that interested in gender qua gender but I am super interested in trying to figure out how a three-sexed civilization might actually work, and what gender expression results from there, etc etc. It’s a conundrum! My friend can attest to the hours I’ve spent moaning and flailing over how tf fashion would even work, much less everything else. But--it’s easier to think about if we start from a few basic premises:

1. I don’t want to write it as a dystopia; 2. I want it to feel semi-familiar as a setting; 3. I want Dean still to feel as much like himself as possible; 4. I want things to feel as naturalistic and realistic as possible.

All of which are kind of connected. I didn’t want to write it as a sex-crazed ultramating fuck-ciety, so heats get calmed down and ‘omegas’ (halmen) aren’t wee sex dolls who pump out seventy puppies per litter. (What do they even do with all those babies in omegaverse fics? Eat them??) The fact that I’m still using “he” pronouns means that halmen are still mostly masculine-presenting, but there are tells that mean that everyone can recognize a halman vs a man vs a woman (unless, of course, there’s some passing activity going on--much like in our own culture, where you can pretty much get a sense at a glance how someone is operating, and it’s exceptional if someone says, ‘actually, my gender identity is [x].’)

Still, halmen are, for lack of a better word, baby carriers. So, while they’re stronger/bigger/taller than women for the most part, they’re also given a slightly feminized role just by virtue of how this culture treats baby carriers. That translates into job choice, fashion, expected behavior. To delineate, halman!Dean:

Basic physical stuff: - he’s about 5′10, which is a little taller than average for a halman (much as real!Dean is a little taller than average for a man) - slightly rounder features, to go along with enticing mates to treat you well -- still very recognizable as Dean (esp with his lips and eyes already being Like That), but a very slightly softer jaw, probably. - high testosterone gives him good muscle structure and broad shoulders; high estrogen gives a soft subcutaneous layer of fat (which, ahem, Jensen already has) and less body hair; wider more feminine hips; flat chest (until pregnancy). So, the silhouette is a little different--sort of an hourglass, sort of an upside down triangle. - downstairs, you’re getting a very large clitoris (small penis-sized -- think of hyenas), which is also where the ureter is; no testicles, obviously; anus/birth canal hybrid, because that’s just fun tbh -- probably translates into that area being cleaner than usual, but let’s be honest, babies get poop on them half the time anyway, so. - heats are twice-yearly, ish (I think I said 25 weeks in one fic?) -- no crazy compulsion, no one’s gonna die if they don’t get fucked, but an actual body temp increase and definite horniness, and this is pretty much the only time all year that halmen can get pregnant. The hormones they’re putting out are also what triggers men to knot, so. It’s a special time. :)

Fashion: - Hair could be really anything (much like women can get away with most anything), but a pretty classic hairstyle would be something akin to Sam’s prettier bob haircuts. Dean keeps it above his shoulders, but not long enough that it could have a ponytail, probably. Side part, tuck behind the ears, done. - Makeup is minimal--halmen wear just as much as women if they feel like it, and in professional settings some effort is expected. Dean tends to stick to just eyeliner, but playing FBI might include a small amount of lip color. - Clothes -- THIS KILLED ME, but I came up with some options. Again, like 21st century women, they can kinda get away with anything, but they don’t mess with cleavage-baring (since they don’t have any, until they have a kid) and instead go with bare backs and shoulders to be sexy. (Why? Nice muscley backs, that’s why.) A very traditional outfit would be a tunic-length top (to cover the minimal bump from the big clit) paired with slim pants or tights. Short skirts over tights is also a really common look. Half the time, Dean’s going to be wearing a loose plaid shirt, a tank that dips just low enough to look halman-y, tight ass-hugging jeans, and boots.

Cultural stuff: - Sexuality: Dean vastly prefers men, because he’s pretty conformist when it comes right down to it. He probably experimented with a halman or a woman in his early twenties, but let’s face it, he likes dick. - Halmen could always get physical “men’s jobs” -- farming, factory work, mechanic, etc -- but the intellectual “men’s jobs” -- doctor, lawyer, head chef -- weren’t as common. They would’ve had a similarly hard time to women, breaking into those categories. So, while Dean can fake being an FBI agent just fine, sexist people will probably defer to Sam as the ‘senior’ agent. - Hustling pool: still likely, but Dean’s going to change up his style a little. He can probably take any of these trucker men in a fight, but it’s easier to flirt his way through it, and with that ass--yeah, he can get away with it. - Hooking: definitely possible too, but his client base wouldn’t be weird closeted dudes like real!Dean, it’d be people who’d expect to treat him more like a female sex worker might be treated. More dangerous, in its way, but at least he almost certainly wouldn’t get knocked up.

Personality/emotional expression: So, this is the big one. A large part of it is that, as a more female-typed caregiver, John’s expectations for how his Dean should act aren’t as subversive as in canon. Halman!Dean cooking/cleaning/taking care of his little brother--that’s what daughters are expected to do, after all, and Dean isn’t that far off from a daughter in this treatment. But that also means that the weird ways that, in canon, Dean is a little... overly macho, how he acts too butch, etc, those don’t really come into it. As a halman, he’s completely fitting into the role society/culture expect of him, and he doesn’t need to pretend otherwise. His issues, then, would be less of canon!Dean’s insistence on being a Cool Steve McQueen Dude, and more in the ‘there are certain cultural markers I’m missing by being a transient hunter, and I regret them.’ This gets touched on in ‘timelapse’ when he reflects about how he’s never been on a date with a nice boy before Mark-from-Blockbuster -- and I think we get a sense of wistfulness, wishing that maybe nice boys would ask him out more than the other guys like to finger him under the bleachers -- and again in the recent fffr fill, where of course he wanted to have kids, but knew that was never an option. He wants to hold babies, man. He just wants to really, really badly.

Related to that--in just his day-to-day, especially with Sam, he can afford to be... a little softer. Obviously he still gives his little brother a hard time, because that’s his job, but he also probably kept giving Sam good-night kisses until he was like 8--they probably argued a little less, because Dean didn’t feel the need to be a hardass just to emulate their dad--John was probably a little more soft with him, but Dean’s obedience would also be completely expected. I bet that there wasn’t ever one of those moments per canon where John would “send Dean away” for arguing too much, because I bet Dean didn’t argue that much.

The nurture of it all is so much of what shapes Dean--and he’s still loyal to a fault, of course, and still cracks jokes, and still loves his brother more than anything. But it’s the little softened edges that interest me--the places that canon!Dean fights against, that halman!Dean can just accept and be. Distinct from a Deanna, though, even if the changes are incremental. It’s just these little tweaks.

That... got really long, haha. Still, I hope it was helpful. Also, as a bonus:

I mean, the hair’s too long, but honestly, it... doesn’t take much imagination, haha.

[cowboyjen68]

I’m struggling majorly with my self-image. I’m lesbian though I haven’t had the chance to meet other lesbians or other letters of the acronym so I’m not even sure how to meet or attract them. I feel like in order to get a girls attention I’d have to meet the heteronormative standard of being slim w/ makeup, in fashion, and basically look like what a straight guy would want. I know lesbian standards are different but I don’t ID with butch or femme so I feel like I’m taking shots in the dark

Interestingly enough... I have had this conversation with LOTS of lesbians and many women who fall in the middle and feel no attachment to butch or femme  feel just like you, that you are on the outside of lesbian culture. The fact is, those that are neither are the most common by far in the real world.

Lesbians, really like any group of people, have a wide variety of preferences and natural attractions. Some like butches, some like femmes, others like women who are tall or have long hair.      There is plenty of room for every body type and personality because lesbians are diverse and multifaceted women, just like any population of people. 

I understand that often butches are the most visible and many others feel “invisible” and like they are not seen nor recognized by other lesbians. Gaydar is a think but it is not 100 percent. Don’t change your style or what you are naturally like in order to find someone. Add a little confirmation: A labrys necklace or rainbow bracelet.  A lesbian button or ring. These tiny clues go unnoticed by the greater straight population most of the time but for women who feel your lesbian vibe, it just helps to confirm what they felt. 

If your gaydar goes off and you are not sure, it is really okay to ask (if you are in a safe space). Just say “I think you are pretty (or interesting or funny), are you a lesbian? “ Of you can ask them if they date women. It can be that easy.   If they are put off, their problem and not yours. If they are straight or not interested, a compliment is still a compliment and most women will take it as such. 

Eye contact that is held and then followed with a smile and a tiny nod is an indicator that you are testing the waters. Straight women will have a totally different smile back than a lesbian or bi woman who will hold your eyes and smile if they want additional conversations. 

You will be okay and you will find community if you keep trying and expanding your horizons. 

[klymilark]

Sore: Chapter 1

CW: Swearing

Word Count: 2007

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

“Shit, that was a long drive” Kaye says, as she closes the door to the box truck she rented.  Her waist length reddish-brown hair is braided off to the side.  

“Yeah.  I remember when I made it a few years back.  15 hours, if memory serves?” Don replies.  It looks like he’s finally shaved his head.  He’s been balding since he was 20, well before Kaye met him, but she’s seen the pictures.  He looked almost like he could’ve been a teacher in his graduation photo.

“19.  I spent 19 hours behind the wheel of that thing.  Only stopped to sleep.  Why is this country so big, anyway?” Kaye responded, standing up straight after cracking what feels like every joint in her body, her chin coming up to the bottom of the window of the truck.

“Eminent domain.  Wait, only to sle-” Don starts

“Yep.  Only to sleep. Packed enough food for the trip, so I didn’t need to stop for that.”  Kaye says, cutting him off.

“But what did you do about the ba-”  Don starts, once again.  Kaye really hasn’t changed much since they last spoke in person.

“Drank it.  Wanna stop in for some coffee?”  Kaye asks.

She really hasn’t changed.  Don can never tell if she’s joking, and sometimes he just doesn’t want to know.  This is definitely one of those times.

They walk into the coffee shop, and Kaye orders a breakfast sandwich with tea.  Don’s already eaten, since he kind of forgot until Kaye texted him 30 minutes ago, so he just gets coffee.  They sit down, and Kaye groans in pleasure from sitting down in a decent chair for the first time in what feels like years.  Kaye stuffs the sandwich into her face, downs the tea, then gets a refill.  She’s been living off of bologna sandwiches, soda, energy drinks, and a single sports drink for the past two days. A hot meal was much appreciated, given the circumstances.

“So,” Don asks, “how was the trip?”

“Well, I finally caught up on the podcasts I’ve been putting off listening to for far too long.  Besides that, I stared at asphalt for 19 hours.  I’m kind of bored.” Kaye responds, like Don should have already known.

Don chuckles, “I see you still haven’t learned that people mostly want to hear ‘Good’ in response to that question.”

“No, I have.  I always have.  I’ve just never cared.”  She says, putting emphasis on the word cared.

“Right.  I forgot that social norms have never been your thing” Don responds with a smile.

“I mean, given my life, why would they be?” She responds

They spend another hour or so catching up.  She asks how he and his wife are doing, and everything’s fine on his front.  A couple of waves here and there, especially since the move.  They miss their families, and it’s kind of a strain, but it’s nothing they can’t work through.  The usual thing for a couple that’s getting into their thirties.  He’s made new friends, got a promotion at work, and has his own life now.  Kaye says she’s happy for him, and they go over to his place so she can crash for the night.

This is the first time Kaye’s seen his place in person.  It’s a rather duplex in a decent part of town.  Very much a red brick home in the middle of town that the right type of person would say is to die for.  Kaye’s not that right type of person, but she can definitely appreciate the look of it.  Don walks in while Kaye is grabbing her overnight bag.

Kaye walks in, and is assaulted by family pictures on the wall.  Definitely a traditional family home; all white walls, popcorn ceilings, a computer off to the right hand side next to the dining room, but still in the living room.  She plops her bag down on the gray sofa up against the front picture window, and waltzes into the kitchen where Don is chatting with his wife.

“Kaye. Carmela. Barker! How have you been?!”  Amie says immediately after noticing her high school buddy at her front door.

“Amie.  Cornelia. Simmons.  I’ve been great!” Kaye responds, very sarcastically. Amie’s been one of her better supporters during the past year or so.  It’s been abysmal, but Kaye’s been able to keep her head up, largely thanks to this lady right here.

“Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.  The years have definitely done you well.” Amie says, commenting on the appearance she knows Kaye is rather sensitive towards.  It’s very much appreciated.

“Thanks!  I really like your style now.  Makes me feel bad that I’m just standing here in my sweats, and a worn out t-shirt.”  Kaye responds with a chuckle.

“Oh, sure, now your social instincts kick in.  Now that my wife is in the room.  Why can’t you be that way wi-” Don starts

“Because fuck you is why.” Kaye responds. Amie can barely contain a laugh at the sudden shift in tone.

“Ouch.  That stung.” Don responds with a very overly dramatic hurt tone to his voice.

“You’ll live.  You’re a strong independent man, don’t need no woman, after all”

“Gee, thanks.  Guess I’ll just leave, then,” Amie says.

“Suppose that makes two of us,” Kaye responds.

“Shall we?” Amie says as she motions to the door.

“Let’s.” Kaye says, and they both head towards the door.

“Hey!  No fair!” Don says from the couch.

Amie turns around, and smiles slyly.  As she walks to the couch, a look of concern and excitement comes onto Don’s face.  She straddles him, her legs either side of his, and puts her hands on the side of his neck.  As she does, she leans in, and kisses him directly on the lips, the left cheek, then the right.  She then clamps her teeth down onto the right side of his neck.

“We’ll finish this later,” she whispers, just loud enough for Kaye to catch what she says, “Kaye and I have some catching up to do, and we’d like some privacy.”

“Okay, sweetheart.  Take your time,” he says, then snaps his teeth.

Amie giggles, and climbs off of the couch.  They walk to the master bedroom, Don sitting on the couch.

“Things never really change, do they,” Kaye asks with a smile, plopping down onto the bed.

“Not really.  Now, tell me, how much do you have in terms of clothes?” Amie asks.

“Well, I have a few hoodies, some pants, an-” Kaye starts.

“You know full well what I meant.” Amie finishes.

“Oh.  Right.  That.” Kaye says, realizing that this was going to be a less than comfortable conversation, “I have a couple of night shirts, and some underwear.  That’s about all I could keep usefully.  I didn’t see much use in buying ultra-femme clothing I wouldn’t be able to wear.”

“I’m sorry to hear, but we’re going to fix that.” Amie says, smiling like a kid in a candy store, “What style did you want to go for?”

“I was thinking more butc-” Kaye starts.

“No.  What style do you want to go for?” Amie interjects, correcting a misunderstanding.

Kaye sits on the bed, staring into the full-length mirror that Amie has set up in her room. She turns on the bed to look at herself directly.  She imagines herself in a black mid-calf dress with ruffles on the sleeves.  No, that’s not quite it.  She imagines herself full butch, and while the thought is appealing, it’s only so because of comfort.  She racks her brain trying to think of how she wants to look.

“I don’t know!” She says, rather loudly, as she bursts into tears.

Crying has never been her strong suit, and speaking while doing it was even less so.  Amie sits on the bed next to Kaye, lays down, and pulls her down.  They lay there like that for a while, just like they did when they were in high school.  Amie just sort of had an instinct on calming her down, and Kaye definitely appreciated that.  After ten, fifteen, maybe thirty minutes, Amie speaks up.

“Are you alright now?” She asks, a slight concern in her voice.

“I think so,” Kaye responds, still slightly sniffling.

“Good.  I know this is a sensitive time for you, but let’s get you in some clothes that fit.” Amie says.

“Thank you,” Kaye says as she sits up.

“That’s what I’m here for” She responds, standing to grab a dress.

It’s a black dress with orange flowers printed everywhere on it.  The dress has been fashioned out of 8 pieces of fabric, and is rather stretchy.  The skirt looks like it would stop just past Kaye’s finger tips when she stood upright.  She marveled at it; she hadn’t been able to try something on that looked so right in a long time.

“Do you have a bra on you?” Amie asks.

“Yeah.  It’s in my bag.”  She responds, reaching for the bag.

Kaye unzips her overnight bag, which had a few essentials in it.  Toothbrush, hair brush, comb, and the bra that Amie said to bring in when she came over for the night.  She pulls it out, and it’s a rather basic thing; underwire, lace wings on the back, slightly padded cups, and it fit about as well as she wanted to shop for, given the anxiety.

“Good.  Now, put the dress on.” Amie says.

“Okay.” Kaye responds nervously.

Kaye takes her shirt off, and puts her bra on.  Amie’s seen a lot of her, so it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before.  Kaye then removes her sweatpants, revealing legs which look like they’ve never been shaved.  At least her leg hair is light.  Kaye sits there, staring at the dress.  Her brain is screaming at her to put it on, that she’ll be happier, but her body is doing nothing but disagreeing.  Now that what she wants is well within her grasp, she can’t even move her arms.

“Come on, Kaye.  It’s not the first time you’ve done this.  Remember when we were kids?” Amie says, patiently.

“Yeah, I do, but it’s been a while.  I haven’t worn a dress since well before you moved here.” Kaye responds.

“I know, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you like I used to these past few years.  But, now that you’re here, I can be here for you just like I was before.” Amie says, smiling.

Kaye chuckles, “Thank you.  Everything you’ve done is very much appreciated.” Kaye says, smiling back.

“Now, would it help if I put the dress on for you, or do you want to do it yourself?” Amie asks.

“I’ll do it myself, it’ll just take me a minute.” Kaye responds, while moving to sit on the bed.

“Alright.” Amie says, sitting beside her.

Kaye grabs the dress, and pulls it to her lap.  As she feels the material, she realizes she likes it.  It’s a very soft, knit material.  She picks it up, opens the bottom, and puts it on.  She adjusts the front seam so it’s straight down the front, and as she looks down, it feels odd.  Odd in the good way, though; a feeling of joy she hasn’t felt in years sinks in.  She stands up, and twists around so Amie can see.

“You’re so pretty!” Amie says, standing up, and holding her arms out for a hug.

Kaye, barely being able to stand at this point, just collapses in her arms.  Amie leaned back onto the bed, where they laid for a few minutes.

“Let’s go in the living room.” Amie says

“If you insist” Kaye responds.

They walk into the living room, and Don comments on the dress.  Kaye gives a simple thanks before collapsing on the couch, more exhausted than she’s ever been.  Amie joins, sitting between Don and Kaye.  After a short time of watching TV, and cuddling, Kaye passes out, and the other two head for the room to call it a night.

Chapter 2

Search sbbl on my blog to find the rest of the chapters, as well!

[dyemelikeasunset]

Any advice for a short fat girl who wants too wear something that looks better then just jeans and a tee but hates girly stuff? I prefer a more masculine look because it's comfortable and I know on every level I'm an eyesore so it's just something to wear but like I wanna try to look dressy one day? Plus when I dress masculine it feels right you know but idk how to look any type of okay. I'm sorry for taking up some of your time

Hey, I don’t mean to be overbearing, and I know you’re asking for fashion advice specifically…but I think there are things in your message that hint at really bad self esteem, and that will honestly make it really hard for you to find a wardrobe that makes you happy because you’re so inherently unhappy with yourself.

This is not to blame you at all, the uphill climb for fat people is difficult as hell and I’m just trying to connect to you and let you know that clothes HELP but they won’t solve your problem by themselves.

So…I’m not going to tell you to stop calling yourself an eyesore, cause I know it doesn’t mean anything from a stranger on the internet, but I think before you start looking for clothes, you need to surround yourself with more affirming images of fat people in nice clothes.

I highly highly suggest you follow plus size or fatshion male & masc-style bloggers for inspiration. Some links:

@chubstr​ , @bigguyflyy​ , Marquis Neal on IG (all hyperlinked!)

In general check out Qwear, but specifically > this article 

And some more plus size androgynous/butch models > in this article 

Of course, you don’t need to build up your confidence before looking for clothes– these two steps can and should happen simultaneously. And for some clothes hunting advice:

Thrift!! Thrift stores will be your friend, and if you ever get to a point where you feel comfortable editing your clothes, all the more reason to thrift

Don’t be scared of shops like Wal Mart or Ross. They’re not high end and the quality won’t always be the best, but there are modern styles at both chains that come in many sizes.

Other stores I suggest: Old Navy, American Eagle, Boohooman, ASOS (last two hyperlinked)

And a fashion advice post I made a couple years ago that may help with sizing

And as a last thing, since you say you’re short, it will help a lot to learn nice ways to fold up sleeves and cuff your pants (both hyperlinked)

So, long post, lots of hyperlinks, probably some preachy moments (which I’m sorry for), but I really hope this helps. The important thing is to find the fits and proportions that work with your body type instead of hide it, and to use fashion to help you find your voice.

Look to others for help, know that it’s not how you look that’s holding you back, it’s years and years of people using misguided mentalities that have pushed you down to feeling this way about yourself.But you can look stylish, you can be comfortable, and I honest to god don’t think you’re an eyesore that doesn’t deserve nice clothes.

If in the future, you start to feel you have a better grasp on your style, or you’ve found a look you really want to replicate, please don’t be shy to come back and ask for more specific advice! I’m always here

[plainwaterpdf]

soft wlw asks 100% speedrun

1.  how long have you known you liked girls? Since 630bc when slender Aphrodite overcame me with longing for them

2. talk about the girl who made you realise you liked girls I honestly don’t remember my first crush. i remember play kissing with a family friend when we were like 3-4 but it was like intense making out with lots of neck and body touching for like half an hour. what the fuck!!!!! i would see her every few years when we were growing up and we’d laugh about it. last i heard she studied fine art in beijing. maybe she’s made it big now!

3. are you in a relationship at the moment?  rekindling an old passion for a god-shaped girl

4. do you have a crush at the moment? yes!

5. describe your crush! No I’m embarrassed!

6. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Full spectrum but leaning towards futchy

7. do you look/dress more masculine, feminine, or androgynous? Full spectrum but leaning towards futchy

8. what’s your gaydar like? Every woman is gay until proven otherwise and even then they have potential

9. tall girls or short girls? Full spectrum…

10. intimidating girls or kind girls? I couldn’t love someone who wasn’t kind… but these qualities are also not mutually exclusive. Ive loved a lot of people that I found intimidating at first and have been loved by people who’ve told me they found me intimidating. I think that feeling intimidated by someone is more often than not a marker of self-esteem and how we view ourselves vs others, a reflection of qualities we maybe want for ourselves and see in other people, some formless idea of coolness or hotness or popularity, which adjusts and lessens and maybe becomes affinity or admiration instead as we become more sure of our own values… “as the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious” etc. anyway, I’d say both

11. hugs or kisses? Bitch both…

12. do you have an ideal ‘type’? what would they be like? Articulate, over-educated, neurotic academic types. So, much like myself. Noted historical and continued weakness for brats and bitches (i say this lovingly).

13. what’s your favourite personality trait of yours? generosity

14. what’s your favourite personality trait for a girl to have? exuberance

15. what’s the best thing about liking girls? being one too

16. do you have any friends who are wlw? Yes but I want more!!!!

17. have you ever been to pride? if so, what was your first pride like? no

18. do you like the lesbian flag? ambivalent

19. what was your first kiss with a girl like? My first almost kiss was in an idyllically manicured park strip near my mum’s house. We lay down under the stars near a row of European style street lights and I asked if I could put my arm around her and she said yes and we just lay like that my heart exploding out of my chest for an hour. The next day I went over to her house to study and her mum was out and we lay down in her bed nose to nose for an age before once more I asked if she wanted to kiss and she said yes so we did. 10 minutes later I was eating her out for the next 45 minutes and that’s pretty much been my entire romantic career.

20. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? in Batman Beyond there’s a villain called Inque who’s like a shapeshifter made of black slime and she turns into a really really sexy femme fatale and i remember being intensely horny for her and also captivated by the fantasy of being a shapeshifting woman. i think i had like a psychosexual, prepubescent fantasy that we would “kiss” (which is how i understood sex) and she would absorb me into her and i’d become her. we pick our preoccupations early and ride them for life i guess.

21. what’s your favourite lgbt+ movie? The Matrix trilogy

22. who’s your favourite openly wlw celebrity? I don’t know celebrities… Tracy Chapman? Jeanette Winterson?

23. do you wear makeup? These days only ever foundation and eyebrows for special occasions. I used to do make up stuff when I was first exploring “drag” but my values and politics are just different now and I also don’t find it fun or rewarding

24. who was the first person you came out to (if you have)? My partner at the time, both times

25. has anyone ever come out to you? As part of an ongoing series of comings outs, yes

26. have you found a community of lgbt+ people? Friend groups yes, community kind of

27. do you have any older lgbt+ people you look up to? As in non-celebrities? no i want to meet more older lesbians.

28. do you identify with butch/femme labels? For a while I was playing around with the idea of myself as butch. Before that when I was living as an androgynous nb agender kind of nothing person I was kind of experimental with my presentation, at least on my terms, and played around with different ways of expressing illegibility with fashion and silhouette and so on. Then I became extremely, suicidally depressed and isolated at the end of my degree and never went out or saw anyone. That’s a longer story. I got through it but started working full time pretty soon after, and was closeted, and it destroyed my energy and availability and vital interests for the next 2 years. This is the point at which I started to describe myself as a woman. My partner at this point was a butch woman so I started to engage with the idea of butchness as this means by which I could try to understand myself and my life as a woman while in a situation wherein I couldn’t depart from masculinity through the way I looked. Since I went part time I’ve had the space to be a bit more experimental. These days I’d say I flirt with a futchy kind of vibe

29. who’s your favourite fictional wlw? Seth Brundle/my own OCs LMAO

30. what experiences are you looking forward to having in the future (kissing a girl, going to pride, etc)? being a MILF

[librarygoth]

lol @ ppl who aren’t butch dykes (specifically by feminine presenting lesbians) saying that butches as a group lack a sense of fashion like bby i’m sry you hate butches but have you seen how straight men dress

also as a butch who did’t find my style until my 20s, i can add that a lot of butches don’t know how to dress masc when they first start presenting as butch? when i first figured out i was a dyke i knew in like my heart of hearts that i was a butch, but my parents were really resistant to me being butch (they sent me to therapy when i wanted to wear a tux to my prom and that was like a year and a half AFTER I came out to them) and I was dependent on them when it came to finances and transportation because I was a teenager in high school, so i couldn’t explore butch fashion the way other people my age were exploring their own styles. as a kid i had feminine fashion/presentation constantly shoved down my throat by every adult in my life and was reprimanded when i didn’t want it. no one ever talked to me about menswear or opened me up to the fact that masc fashion is more than just the boring homogenous outfits that the straight boys in my high school wore. i didn’t realize that i could embrace a different type of masculinity until i left my hometown and started hanging out with more cute bookish twinks and realized that my brand of masculinity could be soft and warm and tender

also i thought for a long time that i was too fat to be butch??? looking back i realize that i wasn’t fat exactly (not gonna explain all my body image issues atm) but I def have never been thin, and there’s this very pervasive idea that only thin butches are desirable, which has translated to people thinking that masc fashion only looks good on thin butches. i didn’t think i was “hot” enough to “pull off” being butch because people would criticize fat butches and praise thin ones and that 100% pushed me away from cool butch fashion. i thought that people would criticize me for not only being a butch but being a butch who wasn’t thin. i already thought of myself as undesirable and i was so afraid, and i thought that if i let myself be me people would be repulsed and i wouldn’t be able to find friends or lovers and i’d just be alone for the entirety of my adult life

now i’m an adult and i have friends and i’m a softboy butch who wears cute outfits wow it’s like everything straight ppl have ever thought about dykes is a lie/everything gender conforming ppl ever thought about gender nonconforming ppl is a lie

anyway it takes time to figure out this stuff and making fun of butches (especially ones in their teens and 20s who are probably just learning this stuff) is basically making fun of them because they are affected differently by heterosexism, misogyny, and lesbophobia than femme/feminine/gender conforming lesbians are so why don’t you just admit you hate butches and move the fuck on

[rahirah]

via Barb's Place (again stolen from shadowkat) 1. How would you describe your current fashion style? Uh... no clue. I decided some time back that I had two clothing objectives: I wanted to feel comfortable, and I wanted to look decent. There are a lot of looks I like that just don't work on me. Instead of focusing on what I couldn't wear, I decided to concentrate on finding things I liked that I DID look good in, and building a style around that. So I went through my closet and got rid of a bunch of things that I'd bought because they looked good on the rack, and started replacing them with things that looked good on me. I take some inspiration from soft butch/tomboy-ish styles, but with a lot of modifications. What it boils down to is, in summer I wear jeans and assorted short-sleeved shirts or tank tops, and in the winter I wear jeans and long-sleeved shirts with a sweater or a jacket or sometimes a vest if I want to be fancy. Boots/sneakers/sandals as weather dictates, no high heels except for costuming. 2. What’s your favorite decade for fashion? 90s-present, if I bother to think about it? The 80s were fun in some respects, but I couldn't pull those looks off then, and they're vaguely appalling now. The 70s are right out. 3. Formal or casual? Casual. 4. Thrift store, boutique, or online? Thrift store, occasional online. 5. Do you like to accessorize? Earrings always, wedding ring and another similar ring inherited from my father's family always, occasionally a necklace or bracelet if I'm dressing up. I use a belt with pants that will slide off my hips if I don't wear one, and that's about it. 6. What piece of clothing do you spend your money on the most? What piece do I spend money on the most, or what piece do I spend the most money on? It's two different things. I buy pants and shirts most often, but the individual pieces I've spent the most on have probably been either shoes, or my Elaborate Handmade Steampunk Hat. 7. Do you wear hats? I should, because AZ is Skin Cancer Central, but I have a small head, and so I have a hard time finding cheap ones that fit, and if I wear one too long, I tend to get a headache. I have some knit caps that I wear in the winter to keep my head warm, one good leather cowboy hat (they kick you out of Arizona if you don't own at least one cowboy hat) and a sort of safari-dude-looking sun hat. And two incredibly awesome steampunk hats for costuming. 8. What is your opinion on wearing socks and sandals together? If it's cold enough to wear socks, I won't be wearing sandals. If you like 'em, though, go for it. 9. What colors do you like to wear? Blues, greys, reds/pinks/burgundies, red-toned browns, black, white, ivory as long as it's not too yellowy. Purples are meh. Avoid orange/yellow/green like the plague. 10. What fashions do you hate? I don't really have a fashion that I hate. That's expending entirely too much energy on fashion. If I don't like it, I just don't wear it. 11. What do you think of body piercing? Neutral. I don't like pain, and I doubt I'd ever have anything but my ears pierced. Besides, I have vague allergy/sinus issues a lot of the time, and having a nose piercing of any kind when you have to blow your nose a lot seems ill-advised. And anything else tenderer, imagining the pain makes my tits want to retract inside my body. (That said, I do want to get a cartilage piercing in one or both ears eventually.) 12. Do you like dyed hair? I don't like dying my hair to hide grey, and I refuse to do that. I don't mind dying it now and then for fun effects. 13. Can you wear heels? What is the highest heel you can wear? I can wear 1-2 inch boot heels with no problem. I don't like wearing anything much higher than that. I have a few 3-4 inch chunky heeled shoes, but I wear them very rarely, usually only for costuming purposes. Stillettoes, no way. 14.Do you have any experience with makeup? Tried messing with it a couple of times in my late teens/20s, decided it was pain in the ass, chucked it and never looked back. 15. Have you ever worn a uniform or traditional clothes? Choir robes. A Girl Scout uniform. That's about it. 16. What’s your favorite piece of clothing? The leather jackets I've got that it's too hot here to wear. :cries: 17. Have you ever had to wear something you didn’t like? Who hasn't? I think the thing that's stuck in my head most over the years was a pair of second-hand Oxfords that one of my aunts sent Mom in the yearly Big Box Of Hand-Me-Downs that we got from our older cousins. They were too big for me, nothing like anyone else at school wore, and heavy and clunky and uncomfortable. I hated them. Mom loooooved them, and couldn't understand why I didn't want to wear them. 18. How do you feel about wearing fur? I can't afford fur, but honestly, I love the look and feel of it. I'd never buy anything endangered, but I'd be fine with stuff like hair-on hides where the animal's being killed for food anyway. 19. Do you prefer simple or detailed outfits? Simple for everyday, but I don't mind detailed for special occasions. 20. How often do you wear jewelry? Earrings and two rings, almost always, anything else, rarely. 21. Do you have any souvenir clothing from trips or concerts? A couple of t-shirts. 22. Do you paint your nails? Very rarely. I'm not very good at it. That would improve with practice, but I don't like the feel of polish on my nails. It makes my fingers feel heavy. 23. What are your favorite pair of shoes (add a photo if possible)? A pair of vintage Doc Martens. 24. Do you carry a bag, backpack, purse, or something else? I have a leather messenger bag type thing, a backpack, and some smaller purses. Depends on how much I'll be carrying and how fancy the occasion is. 25. What does your hair look like right now? Very short, bleached on top. In fact, if I had to pick THE most important fashion thingy not to cut corners on, it would be get a good haircut. It is SO worth spending a little extra to go to someone who really knows what they're doing. And don't be afraid to lay down the law about what you want, either. 26. Have you worn something you or someone you know has made? Yes. My mother and grandmother made a lot of our play clothes when we were small. And I've made a lot of costumes over the years, and a few regular pieces of clothing. 27. Have you made any clothes/ jewelry? Yes. I was into beading for awhile and made a lot of necklaces and earrings. I still have a few of the necklaces. I've also made lots of costumes over the years, and a few regular pieces of clothing. 28. What are your thoughts on perfume/cologne? Neutral. I don't wear it myself, and I have a very poor sense of smell, so when people describe a wild profusion of scent notes they get from a perfume, all I can do is say, "Uh... sweet, I guess?" 29. What do you wear to go swimming? A swimsuit. 30. What would be your ideal outfit? Jeans, Doc Martens, long sleeved shirt with a vest, leather jacket, maybe a belt, earrings. I can only wear this for like three weeks in the middle of winter. :P comments

[glenngaylord]

AND THE REST - CAPSULE FILM REVIEWS FOR 2019

I see a lot of movies but don’t always have time to write a comprehensive review for every one of them.  By catching up on screenings and screeners these past few weeks, I’ve managed to compile a small batch of artisanal, locally-sourced capsule reviews.  While less wordy than usual, you still get my clever/groan-inducing titles, one to five star ratings, and their placement on the Gay Scale.  So start your New Year’s Resolutions off right with these bite-sized morsels.  

The Aging Of Innocence - Capsule Review: The Irishman ★★★★1/2

So much ink has been spilled about Martin Scorsese’s latest gangster epic, with naysayers lamenting the lack of strong female roles and supporters getting swept away by its grand presentation.  While I also missed a Sharon Stone, a Sandra Bernhard, or a Lorraine Bracco in the mix, I loved this film.  With a masterful script by Steve Zaillian, it deconstructs the genre, starting with its Goodfellas-like steadicam shot through a nursing home, to its mournful third act, which achingly lays out the consequences for this band of murderous thugs. With great performances from DeNiro, Pacino, and Pesci and a fascinating exploration of male ego and hubris, I’m in the camp who saw it twice and never felt its 3 1/2 hour length.  The de-aging CGI work may have proven a little distracting at times, but I’m glad each actor had the chance to be their characters throughout.  

Currently streaming on Netflix.

Performance Of A Lifetime Movie - Capsule Review: Harriet ★★1/2

Despite an extraordinary performance by Cynthia Erivo as legendary freedom fighter Harriet Tubman, there’s no getting around Director Kasi Lemmons’ surprising lack of imagination in depicting her life.  Her earlier films suggest a strong and unique visual sense, but everything here plays out like an uninspired, standard coverage, bullet points overview we’re used to seeing in Lifetime movies.  Still, Tubman remains such an important part of history and Erivo truly delivers, so see it but don’t expect cinematic greatness.  Not helping matters is Terence Blanchard, Spike Lee’s talented, longtime composer,  who contributes the most intrusive, overblown score of the year.  

 Faster, Speed Racer! Thrill! Thrill! - Capsule Review: Ford v Ferrari ★★★1/2

Proving they still make them like they used to, James Mangold delivers an old-fashioned true story detailing the competition between the two automotive companies to win the 1966 Le Mans. The film nails it glorious technicolor aesthetic and offers vibrant performances by Christian Bale, Matt Damon, and in one of my favorite film moments of the year, Tracy Letts with the most unexpected and wonderful crying scene.  A pity its lack of character development doesn’t justify its extended running time, but for a movie-movie, you could do a lot worse.  

Days And Days And Days Of Hell - Capsule Review: A Hidden Life ★★★1/2

After the one-two punch of Badlands and Days Of Heaven, the world waited 20 years for Terrence Malick to return with another masterpiece.  Since then, he’s made films of quality but seems to keep spinning his wheels with the same whispered voiceovers, endless nature photography, and barely there narratives.  I’m happy to report that his latest, based on the true struggles of a pacifist during Hitler’s reign, has a real narrative tucked inside his usual bag of tricks.  Yes, every shot is awe-inspiring, but it takes 180 minutes to tell 90 minutes of story.  Still, he’s carved out his own cinematic niche and this time has something profound to say about the human condition.  

  All’s Quite Dire On The Western Front - Capsule Review: Little Woods ★★★1/2

Tessa Thompson delivers a raw, quietly powerful performance as a parolee whose desperate financial circumstances point to a return to drug dealing in her small North Dakota town.  Along with her sister, played by a lovely Lily James, they try to earn enough money to keep possession of their late mother’s house.  Firmly planted in that “low key, indie Sundance” style along the lines of Winter’s Bone and Frozen River,  it may not break new ground, but this deadly serious, hope-deprived story feels like America today, for better or for worse.  

End This Already! - Capsule Review: Terminator: Dark Fate ★★

As much as I loved seeing another triad of strong women in a film (a nod to the Halloween sequel last year), and as sexy as Gabriel Luna is as the latest killing machine, I just didn’t care for a second what was happening onscreen.  Despite some fun action set pieces, none of them have stuck with me.  I loved having Linda Hamilton’s gravely, mature butch energy coupled with Mackenzie Davis’ tough, baby butch energy, and I prefer seeing Schwarzenegger in this role than as Governor, but this franchise needs to…um…terminate.  

Jeez (Thelma and) Louise! - Capsule Review: Queen & Slim ★★★

Road movies sometimes have problematic screenplays due to their often rambling and random structures.  While Queen & Slim tells an important story about the perils black Americans face during a routine traffic stop, its forward momentum as a fugitive tale loses steam and credibility every time our leads (a fantastic Jodie Turner-Smith and Daniel Kaluuya) stop to make love, ride horses, visit relatives, or go dancing.  Although Melina Matsoukas delivers a striking directorial debut, Lena Waithe’s script, which still cuts to the bone, could have used a logic pass before going into production.  She tries hard to jump through many hoops and sometimes hits many cultural zeitgeist bullseyes, but its just misses the mark due to a lack of narrative urgency.  

(Sun)Dance Fever - Capsule Review: Brittany Runs A Marathon ★★★

Maybe it’s the altitude or the need to justify the expense of going to a film festival during a blizzard, but this movie, which won the Sundance Audience Award and started an intense bidding war, plays out like a pleasant, indie version of Trainwreck.   Amy Schumer-a-like, Jillian Bell, delivers a fine performance as an unmotivated mess who changes her life by, well, look at the title of the film for chrissakes!  While definitely sweet, elliptical, inspirational but somehow forgettable, it gets points for getting out of scenes faster than most films of its type, for its oddly off-the-cuff but funny final moment, and especially for a devastating sequence in which Brittany decimates a heavy woman.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Adoptive Behavior - Capsule Review: Luce ★★★1/2

Kelvin Harrison Jr. excels as Luce, an adopted American teen whose past as an Eritrean child soldier calls into question whether he’s a terrorist sociopath or the perfect high school valedictorian.  With fantastic support from Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, and especially Octavia Spenser as a History teacher with a healthy distrust of Luce, Harrison’s unnerving performance keeps you guessing up through the very last, chilling frame.  

High Tide/Low Tide - Capsule Review: Waves ★★★1/2

Playing another teen who can’t live up to society’s expectations, Kelvin Harrison Jr. electrifies again in Troy Edward Schults’ fluidly directed, unconventional drama.  Unfortunately, while the first half has tremendous power as we watch this young man’s total flameout, the second half loses considerable steam.  Still worth a look for the vivid performances, the great cinematography, and the elliptical storytelling style.  

A Different Kind Of Thing - Capsule Review: I Lost My Body ★★★1/2

Jérémy Clapin’s award winning animated feature uses a fractured timeline to tell the story of a severed hand which seeks to reunite with its host, a lonely Pizza Delivery Man. Prior to whatever event led to his amputation, he stalks a young woman he grows to love.  While the characters may seem cold and distant, a palpable sense of longing permeates every frame of this fascinating film.  I would have preferred a less obtuse ending, but this is French existentialism, so don’t expect an Addam’s Family tone or a completely filled-in storytelling experience.  

Currently streaming on Netflix.

Black Savior - Capsule Review: Just Mercy ★★★

This true story of a black attorney who, in the late 80s/early 90s attempts to exonerate black death row inmates, features vibrant performances by Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx and a refreshing lack of a white savior.  Think about it.  Had this been made in the 90s, Kevin Kline would have starred, truth be damned.  While strong, especially in its depiction of a man bravely advocating for his community, it suffers from a very 90s presentation.  Still, what it lacks in a true filmmaker’s voice, it more than makes up for it with good old-fashioned storytelling and an offbeat, charming chemistry between our two leads.

Cool One-Handed Luke - Capsule Review: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker ★★★1/2

As a casual Star Wars fan, I’m less steeped in the lore and more invested in the Saturday matinee whiz bang, kinetic action of the franchise.  I really don’t know a Boba Fett from a Bib Fortuna, and that’s ok.  Sure, it may undo a lot of plot elements The Last Jedi laid out and has an annoying habit of refusing to let dead characters stay dead or in one case actually die at all, but I just loved the quest for the macguffin in order to kill the Big Bad.  It’s fun, easy to follow, and has spirited performances from our leads, especially Oscar Isaac, who has more than a touch of Harrison Ford’s charisma.  It has an unpretentious quality that feels less like a grand finale and more like a good resting place before the inevitable continuations in some form or another.  Major “Boo! Hiss!” for its handling of Keri Russell, Lupita Nyong’o and Kellie Marie Tran, who get the eyes only, barely there, sidelined treatment respectively…and I see you Pixar Lamp disguised as a new droid!  I see you!

Killing Me Hardly - Capsule Review: Clemency ★★★

Intentionally austere and drab, Clemency features a fine, brittle performance by Alfre Woodard as a Prison Warden who gets more and more affected by the executions she oversees. Aldis Hodge also excels here as the next inmate on Woodard’s list.  A quiet, moody, visually disciplined film with so much to read in between the lines, it’s still a bit of a slog, although Woodard plays drunk better than most actors.  So come for the Johnny Walker Black but stay if you’re in a contemplative mood.  

All Children Left Behind - Capsule Review: One Child Nation ★★★★

What this Sundance Grand Prize Jury Award-winning documentary may lack in filmmaking technique, it more than makes up for it emotionally in this harrowing accounting of China’s decades spanning but now defunct One-Child Policy.  Showing the issue from many points of view, the law may have seemed like a good idea for population control, but quickly descended into forced abortions and sterilizations, kidnappings, abandonment, destruction of property, separation of families, and lives ruined.  A heartbreaking look at what happens when women don’t have control over their bodies and the patriarchy exerts its power over a population.  The chilling propaganda on display and the faces of those who suffered make for a terrifying, unforgettable, and highly relevant film.  This brutal policy began in 1979 and ended in 2015, just a few years ago.  Think about that.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Industrial Resolution - Capsule Review: The Aeronauts ★★1/2

The somewhat true story of a balloonist (Felicity Jones) and a meteorologist (Eddie Redmayne) who team up to soar higher than anyone has before in order to better predict the weather, is oddly threadbare and plays out like a 19th century Gravity. It does feature some thrilling set pieces and stellar cinematography by George Steel. While you truly feel the cold and agonize over the increasingly dire circumstances, the air isn’t the only thing that’s thin here.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Achy Breaky Bloody Bastard Heart - Capsule Review: Wild Rose ★★★1/2

Directed and shot by the same people who made The Aeronauts, Jessie Buckley earns her bonafides as a Scottish parolee, complete with ankle bracelet, who aspires to make it as a country singer in Nashville.  While breaking no new ground with its “Quaint Little UK Village” vibe we’ve seen a gazillion times before, its success rests squarely on Buckley’s more than capable shoulders and a wonderful final song written by none other than Mary Steenburgen.  It also features fine work by Julie Walters and Sophie Okonedo.  Still, as unlikely as they make it seem for a non-American to make it in the country music world, I wanted to shout “Keith Urban” repeatedly at the screen!  

Rust Belt Blues And Reds - Capsule Review: American Factory ★★★★

Maybe because I grew up in Ohio and witnessed firsthand the decline of the auto industry, this incredible documentary about a shuttered GM plant in Dayton getting a new life from an anti-Union Chinese billionaire ranks among the year's finest. Like a slow-moving pileup, the film builds and builds towards an inevitable crash. With sit-down interviews relegated to voiceovers, this scrupulous film makes you care about the people it follows while taking you on a fascinating cross-cultural journey. The fact that the filmmakers had access to all of the parties involved comes across as a miracle. It’s impossible to forget the distraught workers’ reactions every step of the way.

Currently streaming on Netflix.  

Mini Driver - Capsule Review: The Report ★★★

There’s a really good film about the amoral detention and torture tactics sanctioned by the George W. Bush presidency and it’s called Zero Dark Thirty.  Meanwhile, The Report, plays out like a dull, disconnected melding of Spotlight and All The President’s Men as we watch Adam Driver’s depiction of Daniel Jones under the auspices of Senator Dianne Feinstein (a fine but fairly one-note Annette Bening) put together an unwieldy report to expose the government’s tactics.  While Driver does well and shows great passion and alacrity with his bulky speeches, the whole film feels like a slow-cooked beef chili served at a Vegan Barbecue.  It just kind of sits there.  

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.  

[toongrrl-blog]

Poodles and the Postwar Period

Okay I want to let a few things off the bat: I have seen Mad Men several times and I have also watched Hairspray (1988), can you spot something recurring?

Then you must keep in mind the 1950s poodle skirts. 

I just wondered, what was it about the poodle that became a recognizable motif on postwar teen fashion and how did it became such a mainstay (like mermaids and unicorns in the last decade) in fashion and decor, and femininity? Even a buzzword for nostalgia? Maybe a symbolism of all things not “default” in our culture: foreign, feminine, concerned with beauty and appearance. Fasten your seatbelts cats, it’s a bumpy ride. 

I’m first going to start with something from Poodle Lovers Post: despite all the stereotypes, poodles are very hard-working and intelligent dogs. Also it’s of German origins (as far as we know, there’s a chance they came from Asia), with the names Pudelhund or Pudel referring to their use as water retrievers. Poodles were used to guard, guide, hunt, pull wagons, and perform in circuses when the military wasn’t using them. They were crossed with the British Truffle Dog (who hunted truffles). 

The uses for entertainment elevated them to the French Aristocracy where fashionable women began to carry them around as companions but the popularity for them waned in the United States during the 1920s (except for figurines and paintings), so what about that Postwar craze for them and our affiliations for nostalgia? Flash forward to World War II where poodles were used again in the military thanks to Arlene Erlanger, a poodle breeder who noticed that the United States didn’t have a canine program for the military, and volunteered her poodles which kick-started the Dogs for Defense program. While the Poodle was very intelligent and swim-worthy, their easily matted hair was another issue; so they stayed on the home-front guarding the defense plants, the military installations, and the coastline. So how did poodles become associated with femininity, especially of the the kind associated with members of the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers coming of age? Even the icon of sexiness and vanity?

So the 1920s had a lot of Poodle figurines and paintings with peak popularity in the 1950s, with these figurines. What a way to for an America under the spell of the Feminine Mystique where women were urged into secondary roles in society, discrimination ran rampant, girls were encouraged to sit with a aspirin between the knees, date rape was common and went unreported, and ambitious young women were urged to marry a man from college rather than start a career. Tight sweaters, bullet bras, pencil skirts, stiletto heels, starched petticoats, circle skirts with belts that cinched in the waist, and armored girdles were popular! Thank God for saddle shoes and loafers, how else would one be comfortable? (No shade, I like those styles a lot) Cheerful housewives in poufy skirts and perfect hair and blonde bombshells wiggling their butts were popular, along with intimidating looking models who resembled socialites. Poodles were considered frou-frou, haughty, and sexy...it’s no surprise when a woman by the name of Juli Lynn Charlot, a woman with limited clothing skills but wanted something new to wear to a holiday party in 1947, used a circle of felt and cut a smaller hole and sewed a poodle applique onto it. Later she started a business after her friends requested similar skirts with different designs and she made more than just circle skirts and retired in Mexico, last heard working on her memoirs, the trend was more associated with young women as it looked “silly” on their mothers and grandmothers, thus cementing it with teens like Patty Simcox, the real life Annette Funicello, Amber VonTussle, Peggy Olson (who was a 1950s teen), and young Sally Draper. 

You can get a poodle dress or even circle skirts with Jerry drinking a martini or landscapes or the Eiffel Tower!

As soon as the Silent Gens and the early Baby Boomers were entering their adult lives in the 1970s, they started getting more nostalgic for the earlier days of the 1950s and the 1960s with tv shows like Happy Days or Laverne and Shirley and movies like American Graffiti and Grease where character Patty Simcox wore a poodle skirt and that is when poodle skirts became associated with 1950s teen nostalgia. Annette Funicello had done two variety shows talking about that time (given that is when she became a teen idol). Let’s not forget Sha Na Na who debuted at Woodstock, Ricky Nelson who revived his career, and Janis Joplin.  

Thus the whole nostalgia for the postwar, the intro of American Teen culture, and the conflation of the 1950s and 1960s has begun. But wait what about all things feminine? Lynn Peril has talked about “Pink Think” which talked about how aversion postwar America had to androgyny, the counterculture, non-conformists, lack of makeup and hair product, and gals who either dressed for themselves or didn’t give a fuck about the male gaze with the color being associated with that thinking (or used by say female race car drivers to make them less threatening) which was a favorite color of First Lady Mamie Eisenhower. 

Pink Think is a set of ideas and attitudes about what constitutes proper female behavior; a groupthink that was consciously or not adhered to by advice writers, manufacturers of toys and other consumer products, experts in many walks of life, and the public at large, particularly during the years spanning the mid-twentieth century--but enduring enven into the twenty-first century. Pink think assumes there is a standard of behavior to which all women, no matter their age, race, or body type, must aspire. 

God forbid a girl becomes a tomboy, a beatnik, an old maid, or a lesbian? (JK I’m super queer, sarcasm people). As discussed in the linked Slate article, poodles were associate with sex appeal, as these ads can demonstrate:

Now you’re thinking, “Toongrrl the 1950s were very slut-shaming!” and they were but between Sexy Bombshell in a tight sweater and skirt or butch Tomboy, guess which were the lesser of two evils in this study that Dr. Ernest Dichter did for the incoming Barbie doll (as detailed in M.G. Lord’s Forever Barbie)?

A lesser manipulator might have been daunted by the mothers’ unvarnished loathing of the doll, but not Dichter. He swiftly located their Achilles’ heel and formulated a plan to exploit it. One woman, who had found Barbie way too racy, changed her mind when she heard her eight-year-old daughter comment, “She’s so well groomed, Mommy.” Out of this came Dichter’s strategy: Convince Mom that Barbie will make a “poised little lady” out of her raffish, unkempt, possibly boyish child. Underscore the outfits’ detailing, and the way it might teach a roughneck to accessorize. Remind Mom what she believes deep down but dares not express: Better her daughter should appeal in a sleazy way to a man than be unable to attract one at all.

For someone like Mrs. Von Tussle, Betty Draper, and Katherine Olson they probably wanted to impose this kind of femininity on their daughters, even if it’ll make them fussy (though this poodle is loyal AF to her kind), a stereotype that persisted into the 1980s.

Currently Gen Z and Generation Alpha has joined in with the Grease revival starring Vanessa Hudgens and Maryellen Larkin.

[rowans-road]

11.28.18

Lmao by the time I post this it might be the 29th and I have my 8:30 class tomorrow morning oof.

But I need to write. Today, the whole day, I felt like absolute shit. On a physical level a tiny bit, but more like emotionally. Or at my core.

Something is going fucky with my mental health. By all measures today should have been decent, at least, if not pretty good. But I can't feel happy about it. I'm just wallowing in everything I do wrong and every misstep I make, and trying to find them to be symptoms of larger, immutable flaws in my character. I am objectively a half decent person, like I try to be polite to everyone or just not say anything, and I'm not a terrible friend (it was hard for me to type that, but I swear objectively I'm just not). But today, and lately really, I just can't accept that. I keep getting stuck in loops of hating myself, and hating myself for hating myself, and spiraling downwards until I'm just tired and I know pain will take my mind off it for a minute. Then I hate myself for thinking that, because nothing has happened. I am fine. What right do I have to be upset? How can I feel all this for no reason? I give myself scars over what, a bad day every once in a while? This pathetic loop? So many people are dealing with real shit, and they're dealing healthily. And I can't even handle this?

Yeah can you tell I stopped writing an example

Anyways yeah and I know this mindset isn't healthy. I fucking tell my friends off for this exact thought process and ask them to look at themselves how I see them. But no, can't even follow my own damn advice.

So yeah. Not having the best of times. And I know it must sound bad, but really it's not. In the moment I can ignore all this, I'm doing fine in school and my friends don't even pick up on it. I just need to vent.

I'm sure plenty of this is due to the thing that makes me uncomfortable to even talk about. It's terrible to even acknowledge, and I keep trying to figure out how to word it in a way that doesn't connect it to me but I can't and it's my fucking period and I cannot express how much I hate it.

I think it's normal to hate it? I dunno? My roommate looked at me sorta funky when I said if I could safely perform surgery on myself to get rid of it I would but seemed to agree it sucks.

I just keep getting headaches and cramps and every time they make me want to die. I had to stop binding this morning too, because my chest hurt. And so I spent the whole day fucking miserable with my body, angry at myself, and disgusted with my character, and underwhelmed by my academic achievements (the only kind I have).

Also side note my friend called and I explained that at that moment I was avoiding conversations with two people, one of which was literally someone trying to give me cookies, and yeah uh she mentioned that was anxiety in passing and I asked if she thought I had anxiety. Her response was like "I mean. I'm not sure - like, you have social anxiety for sure, but-"

And yeah like that's not the first time my close friends have told me that and it would make sense and everything I wrote above this is uh possibly depression and I really ought to go to the counseling center but I was gonna bring it up to the therapist my mom is taking me to to get tested for ADHD but that's in January and ugh. I'm too tired to deal with all of this.

Oh well. I'll end on a lighter note. My friend and I were discussing our personal styles earlier today and asked other friends for their descriptions of them. Mine was described as "butch but lazy" which is fair. Lazy comes up a lot in reference to my clothes. I want to change that, but 1. I am genuinely lazy and 2. I don't know how not to be. I avoided any feminine fashion advice my female relatives tried to give me, because it made me feel gross, but nobody has ever given me masculine or androgynous fashion advice until very recently. I am experimenting more with my expression, and I quite like it, but something still feels like it's missing.

I really want overalls. Good night.

[mdxmacontextualstudies]

‘No muscles, no tattoos’ originally appeared in issue 61 of Eye Magazine, a quarterly international review of graphic design and visual cover. The magazine is aimed at professional designers, students and anyone interested in critical information about graphic design and visual culture. There is a particular emphasis on type (every few issues they’re focus on that as a topic).

(Due to their distinct asthetics and design, Jop van Bennekom’s seem like the perfect material for them to cover).

The article is by Alice Twemlow, a writer, critic and educator who’s work focuses on graphic design. As well as being a regular contributor to Eye Magazine, she has an MA in design history from the Royal College of Art and V&A Museum. She is also a guest critic at the Yale University School of Art, MICA and RISD. In ’06 the New York School Visual Arts appointed her chair of its Master of Fine Art Arts in Design Criticism.

In this article Twemlow interviews Dutch editor, publisher art director and designer Jopp Van Bennekom about the three trend-bucking magazines he had created by 2006 (the time when the article was published);

- Re-Magazine

- Butt

- Fantastic Man

 Each cover their own neich topic but there are running themes that unite them and make them feel like the product of their creator.

Re-Magazine (1997)- Initially started out as Van Bennekom’s thesis project while studying at the Jan van Eyck Academy in Maastricht in 1997 but was encouraged to turn it into a real magazine. Rather than be yet another fashion or photography magazine, Van Bennekom used RE to interview his friends about the minutia of their lives. Topics include home/bordom/sex. (After it’s 9th issue the magazine underwent a restructure but still focused on subjects such as ‘food coma’ and features with titles like ‘a stream of consciousness by the first member of generation not’.

 ‘Aesthetically and conceptually it was very much in tune with ideas about everyday life and culture at the time.’

- Andrew Blauvelt, design director at the Walker Art Center

 It’s here we see the emergence of one of Van Bennekom’s main preoccupations; The idea of the normal and every day, and making the personal compelling and relatable. We see this even more when looking at his next magazine;

BUTT

In 2001 Van Bennekom teamed up with fellow publisher and editor Gert Jonkers to create BUTT, the critically acclaimed pocket-size magazine by, for and about homosexuals “where gays can speak candidly about their ideas, work and sex lives.”

 Both in design and content BUTT is authentic representation of Van Bennekom experiences as a gay man (it has been described as “a reality gay porn magazine”);

Simple     design and uniform layout (images as examples)- plain speaking aesthetic     which also compliments the style of the magazine’s interviews (these are     delivered in direct Q&A sessions and there is no editing around and     awkward answers.

Deliberate     font choices- Van Bennekom chose a rounded American Typewritter font for     because it felt like it was a ‘really gay font’. The Compacta Used for the     headings feels tough, speaking to things like leather culture. Against the     pink paper Butt is printed this also plays with the duality of butch and     femme.

This     realism is also present in the photos featured in BUTT. Non of the     portraits of the interview subjects feel like the results of over produced     photo shoots- all the men feel like every day people in their own clothes.     When we look at how the subjects are treated in other gay lifestyle     magazines we can see the difference. The images are often glossy,     glamerous and stylized with men appealing to different subcultures of     taste (i.e. the leather daddy). This seems in direct contrast to Van     Bennekom’s maniphesto of ‘No muscles, no tattoos .

All of this helps BUTT feel more relatable- it’s a real reflection of a common existence which possibly helps explain it’s appeal.  

There are many examples of creators drawing on their own experience to create a familiar world within the field of independent comics. Two examples of creators who do this while working with LGBT themes are Alison Bechdale and Jeremy Sores;

 - Bechdale’s ‘Dykes to Watch Out For” ran from 1983 to 2008 and was one of the earliest ongoing representations of lesbians in popular culture. The strip followed the lives of divers cast of characters from different points on the LGBT spectrum as they discussed day-to-day events, political issues and the way lesbian culture was changing. 

 - Jeremy Sores is another queer creator who produces work on this theme. In 2015 The Comics Journal commissioned Scores to work on their journal comics- a series of lo-fi autobiographical strips. Much like BUTT and RE-MAG these short, slide-of-life of life sotries deal with the modernity of Scores day to day life as a gay man.

Representation:

“I wish Butt had been around when I was 22 and insecure. Other gay magazines have cut-and-paste, retouched bodies unlike any you’ve ever seen in real life and certainly not like mine.”

-        Van Bennekom

This quote speaks directly to the very human need to see accurate representations of ourselves in the media we consume (something which we touched on in our discussion of ‘Forever in Kente).

 Since the 1960s, research has found expressions of unequal power in media can be “very dangerous” and “very damaging” to people watching (although we don’t need research to tell us that).

 “I think the moral argument is self-evident. Stories matter… [they] affect how we live our lives, how we see other people, how we think about ourselves.”- Morgan, former professor emeritus at the University, Massachusetts at Amherst

 “There’s this body of research and a term known as ‘symbolic annihilation,’ which is the idea that if you don’t see people like you in the media you consume, you must somehow be unimportant.”

-        Nicole Martins, Indiana University.

 At the time of BUTT’s creation there wasn’t anything like it in the market so Van Bennekom essentially created a magazine for himself;

 ‘Not being represented means you have to start something yourself that does represent you,’ – Van Bennekom

 This quote from lines up with what the readers of BUTT say about the magazine;

‘For me Butt is important. It has given voice and visual presence to those of us who are trying to figure out our own worlds.’  

 One example of a contemporary designer who is also actively working to share his experience through his work is illustrator and comic book artist Ronald Wimbly;

 Wimbly has worked on a number of projects that are outspoken about authentic black representation in the media. His critically acclaimed comic-essay Lighten Up (wherein Wimbly illustrates an argument with a Marvel editor about the skin tone of a character of Mexican/African American decent) and Black History in its Own Words both speak to this, however it is his latest project, LAAB MAGAZINE which most reflects Van Bennekom’s make-it-yourself attitude.

 LAAB MAGAZINE is cartoon news paper which deals with black identity and how it is treated in the media ‘in an age of white supremacists in the Whitehouse”.

These ideas of authenticity and creating content for people like JvB’s are pursued further in his and Jonkers’ next magazine, Fantastic Man.

HM is mostly black and white, with its rule lines and two-column layout, it’s pared-back design and reams of text set it apart as a fashion magazine meant to be read and not just looked at.

“What’s more sexy than a handsome man with a whole page of text next to him to read?”

(JvB is his own audience)

 Fantastic Man sets out to reject “fashion as fantasy”. Partly a rejection of the types of depiction of men that were appearing in current fashion magazines;

‘Seeing young boys dressed in expensive designer clothes isn’t sexy. It’s just disconnected.’

Fantastic Man is a throwback to the magazines of the late 80s (men rather than boys). When models are used they feel like real people, shot naturalistically.