#but also. referring to myself as a boyfriend and brother and king and shit has gotten me Questions regardless of how i dress

[butchlifeguard]

you guys do know that theres more to being gnc than clothes right

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[thebookreader12345]

Costume Party

Pairing: Will Halstead x reader

Summary: Y/N and Will are going to a costume party together, and they each agree to choose what the other person has to wear

Requested: No

Warnings: light swearing, sexy costumes (if you even count that as a warning), and a reference to sex

Word Count: 1,120 Words

“Don’t even think about it,” I tell Adam as I walked into the bullpen of the Intelligence Unit. Being a cop was amazing, but embarrassing myself in front of my friends was not.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Adam said and tried to hold a straight face as he glanced at what I was wearing.

“Why are you dressed like that?” Jay asked me.

“Why don’t you ask your brother? He’s the one that picked it out,” I answer and look down at my costume. Will and I were attending a costume party tonight that one of his co-workers was having, and to make things fun, we decided that we would get to decide what the other had to wear. However, I didn’t think things would end up like this. Will had chosen for me to be a sexy nurse, and the costume, well, it was definitely more revealing than I had planned. The V-neck at the top went down a bit too far, showing off way more than I would have liked, and the dress itself wasn’t that long. And when I say that, I mean it barely went down mid-thigh. I could barely move without feeling like some part of me was being exposed.

“Its not that bad,” Jay admitted. “I mean, I’ve seen more revealing costumes.”

“If I sit down anywhere, I would moon half of the people in the room! I call that being bad. There’s no way I can wear this out. No way!” I confess.

“Well, you look great,” Adam pointed out. “I’m pretty sure most of the women in Chicago can’t pull that costume off. You should be proud.”

“I hate men sometimes,” I mutter to myself and take a seat on the edge of my desk, which just so happened to be the closest to Voight’s office. “Shit! Voight’s not still here, is he? If he sees me in this, I’m dead.”

“Nope. He left a while ago. The rest of us are just here to finish up some paperwork” Jay responded and wrote something down on the piece of paper in front of him.

“Wait. Who else is here?” I ask. Before either Jay or Adam could respond, I got my answer in the form of my blonde haired, badass bestfriend.

“No. Uh-uh. You can’t wear that out anywhere,” Hailey spoke as she emerged from the hallway that led to the locker room and interview room. “You need to go change right now.”

“Oh come on! Its not that bad,” Jay exclaimed, which earned him a smack across the back of his head from his partner. “Hey! What the hell was that for?”

“You know what that was for,” Hailey replied and took her seat before flicking her eyes over to me. “At least tell me you got Will back for making you wear that.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I did” I say and smirk. At that moment, I spotted my ginger haired boyfriend making his way up the steps, and I chuckled softly when I saw him in his costume. While Will had made me dress up as medical professional, I made him dress up as a police officer, but the costume was, well, lets just say stripper-like. The costume was split into two parts. The shirt, which read POLICE, went down just past Will’s pecs, and was made from a see-through material. Because the shirt was so short, the rest of Will’s abdomen was out in the open with nothing covering it. Then there were the leather shorts, which were not even close to making it halfway down Will’s thighs. There was also a cute little leather cap that came along with the costume, and it tied the whole outfit together perfectly.

“Y/N, I can’t wear this. I cannot let my co-workers see me like this,” Will told me as he climbed up the last step. Jay tried to hold in his laugh, but at seeing his older brother up close, he let it slip past his lips.

“Yeah? Well Adam already saw my ass as I walking to my desk, and Jay has seen more of my chest than he did when I went undercover as a stripper, so its your turn” I inform him. “Man, I can’t wait to see the faces Natalie and Maggie make when they see you in this.”

Will shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “I hate you. I hate you so much. I don’t even know why I’m dating you.”

“Would someone care to remind Will why he’s dating me?” I ask my three co-workers.

Hailey was quick to respond, and immediately spun her chair so that she was facing Will. “Because Y/N is the bravest, most headstrong woman to ever set foot in Chicago,” she spoke. “She’s also the only woman who can put up with your attitude.”

“That was spot on, Hails. Good job,” I praise.

“So are we really going to wear these out? Because I’ve gotten about 5 wedgies already, and I’ve barely had this thing on for 20 minutes,” Will said and pulled at the legs of his shorts.

I laughed and walked over to Will, placing my hands on his chest. “Oh, we’re definitely wearing these to the party.”

“What? But don’t you hate your costume as well?” Will asked me.

“Yeah, but that’s not the point,” I say. “You know I only picked that costume out for you because you picked this one out for me, right? You started this whole thing, and now you’re going to have to live with it for the night.”

“Send me pictures. Please send me pictures,” Jay begged.

“Y/N, don’t you dare,” Will retorted, but he was too late because I had already managed to take a few pictures with my phone.

“I’ll delete the pictures on two conditions,” I say.

“Okay. Anything,” Will responded.

“One, we never pick each other’s Halloween costumes again,” I state.

“Yeah. Of course. What’s the second thing?” Will asked me.

“You’re buying the next time we head to Molly’s,” I conclude.

“Done. I’ll do anything to never have this happen again,” Will said.

“Um, guys? Don’t you have a party to get to?” Jay questioned and smirked at us. I laughed and walked over to his desk, giving him his second back-of-the-head smack for the night. “Hey!”

“You deserved it,” Will and I comment at the same time as we headed towards the stairs.

“Have fun you two,” Adam shouted after us.

“Be safe,” Hailey added.

“Oh, and don’t do anything you’ll regret. I’m not ready to become an uncle just yet,” Jay called out.

“Shut up, Jay!” Will and I say in unison before heading down the stairs.

_________________________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13 @king-crockett​ @winterberryfox @anotherfan07 @i-like-sparkly-things​

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings  /  the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

[sharkfish]

ps i loved this one

(rereading bookmarks edition)

i’ve been rereading stories from my bookmarks as a comfort thing. i’m getting real deep in there to stuff i haven’t (re)read for years, and damn do i have good taste. the ones i’ve read recently that you should, too: 

(under the cut so i’m not that asshole that makes you scroll past an endless post) 

A Change of Scene by SurlyCat

When Dean goes over to see his Dom on Christmas Eve, he isn't expecting Cas to play naughty Santa, and neither of them is expecting how it turns out for them.

ooooomg fuck me up with that sex to lovers thing featuring bdsm. yessssss 

A Room of His Own (or not) by Valinde (Valyria)

Dean took a deep breath and reassessed the situation. He was in bed with a guy, sure, and technically they were snuggling, but it was Cas. The guy had absolutely no reference on what was appropriate physical contact between two dudes sharing a bed in the... normal, completely unsexy, no-funny-business, way.

cas is fallen, dean is confused (what else is new), A+ cuddling. that’s the fic. 

Boys On Film by LoversAntiquities @tragidean​ 

But maybe that’s what it is—maybe Castiel’s finally realized something Dean is too chicken to admit, despite the fact he’s been jerking off to the idea of Castiel fucking him for the past few weeks. The idea warms him as much as it pains him to think about, his friend not being able to talk to him about something like that. That has to be it—it’s the only explanation. Castiel likes him.

“Or maybe he knows you do cam shows.”

Dean chokes on his burger.

idk what to say, i love a good sex worker fic and here you go. @tragidean​ is always here with that first-class content. 

Castiel's Angel by Valinde (Valyria) @valinde​

The angel took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. He was fidgeting Cas noticed. Usually he was so bizarrely at ease in his human form, lounging around and tossing winks and smirks at anyone with a pulse. That more than anything had Cas straightening on his stool and wishing he was a little less tipsy.

“Ineedyoutogroommywings,” Dean muttered in one long, almost unintelligible, string. He was blushing.

all my fellow wing hos should flock* to this fic. i also love me a good switcharoo with angel dean (and hunter cas, as this is an alternate canon universe). and dean gets all claim-y, which is also my jam. 

*this was unintentional but a pretty funny joke 

For Science! by pm_lo 

Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation.

i believe this was the first abo fic i added to my bookmarks. story time: many, many moons ago, i kept track of my reading list. i was doing that “50 books a year” thing so it was mostly for tracking that, but i had another tab for fics, because i read few enough that i could track them. i rated things and sometimes left notes, and by all the abo ones i was like “don’t tell anyone i read this.” yes, i shamed myself for liking abo. it was a dark time in my life.

anyway, then i read this, and was like, all right i can see what’s going on here.

this is a great fic for multiple reasons, and the format is one. it’s written as dialogue-only transcripts from their experiment. it’s hard to make that kind of format work, but pm_lo ain’t fucking around. 

Just a Stranger On the Bus by Amelia_Clark 

December 31 9:32 PM When Castiel boards the bus in KC, they think it’s empty at first—but when they toss their backpack onto an aisle seat and climb in after it, there’s a muffled yelp from the dimness at the back of the bus. They turn in time to see a man in a faded Carharrt jacket, sitting up and yawning as he rubs sleep out of his eyes. The man’s hair is greasy and matted down on one side, and there’s drool on the side of his face; nonetheless, he’s ridiculously good-looking.

“Hey man,” he says. Castiel does not correct him. “This can’t be Chicago.”

the non-binary tag, just like the trans tags in general, are a house half-built and left to rot in the rain. even if that wasn’t true, this series is goddamn amazing. also there’s rimming. also there’s a line in there that said something like “they don’t dislike their body, it just never felt like theirs” and i had a lightbulb moment irt my own experience. did dean ever wear carharrt in the actual series? if not, mistakes have been made. 

Just Turn Around and Go by PorcupineGirl @porcupine-girl​

Dean should be happy. His best friend and housemate of five years, Castiel, is moving out to live with his boyfriend, Balthazar. Dean's career is going great, so he can easily afford the house on his own now. This is just growing up, moving forward to the next phase of their lives.

It would be awesome, if he weren't in love with Cas.

Well, here we go, he thinks as he opens the refrigerator and digs around for sandwich supplies. First day of the rest of your life. Time to move the fuck on. As he slams his meat and mayo and pickles down on the counter, he considers adding the bottle of whiskey he knows is hiding in the cabinet, but decides that he has enough self-respect to wait 'til five. Then he'll get fucking blackout drunk. Yep. Awesome.

y’all, do i even have to say anything about this? roommates to friends to a pathetic amount of pining without saying shit to disgustingly in love. also i think i cried, but i’ve been in tears so many times in the last week, who’s to say. 

Plus One by ceeainthereforthat @ceeainthereforthat​ 

Castiel Novak might have to attend three weddings in two months, but he’s not about to let his brother play matchmaker. His family’s Internet streaming company is too important to let a relationship steal his time, but he knows exactly what to do–hire someone to pretend to be his boyfriend.

Dean Winchester has worked five-star hospitality long enough to know how to fit in with Castiel’s crowd, and this job could score him the connections to make his acting career take off. It’s a business deal, no matter how they’re drawn to each other. When the lines of their contract start to blur into real feelings, can they withstand Castiel’s family and jealous fans working to split them up?

there are a lot of great fake dating stories out there, but this one takes the cake (or, at least, a slice of it). also, i cried a lot rereading this, both “ohhh god i love their love” tears and also “ohhhh god this hurts so bad” tears. 

Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche) 

Despite their age gap and differing social circles, Castiel has struck up a warm friendship with Mary Winchester, a wealthy widowed socialite. When Castiel needs a place to stay, Mary invites him into her house, where there’s loads of spare room. Castiel’s aware that they make an odd pair, but he doesn’t fully realize how things look to outsiders, especially to Mary’s eldest son. All Dean Winchester sees is that his mom has apparently hooked up with a hot young guy (who is totally Dean’s type) and that makes things… weird.

they’re both oblivious idiots in love, cas is grey-ace, dean’s a total dork, it’s all just very lovely (and frustrating in the way oblivious idiots can be!!!). 

PS - annie d is writing marvel fic lately and i’m sure it’s fantastic if you’re into that kind of thing. 

Support Your Local Gay Beekeeper by Powerfulweak

It’s not like Dean goes on Grindr very often, just when he’s bored and alone. The blue-eyed guy's profile reads "Beekeeper, 29, 5'10, Single, I watch the bees." Dean is intrigued. He has to send a message.

this is a series that starts with some great phone sex and then goes on to very, very awkward sex injuries. a goddamn cringefest that had me in complete horror imagining it. but it’s fun! they persevere! people so rarely write about Sex Going Wrong and i love @powerfulweak​ for taking the bullet for us on that one. 

Take Me Home Tonight by Persephoneshadow @persephoneshadow​

“Come on, we’re finding you someone to…engage with sexually or whatever,” Dean explains, chancing another swig of beer before going on. “Anyone in this bar, no limits, who would you would be your top choice to bang?” “Well, you, ideally.” Dean spits out some beer before collapsing in on himself, legitimately choking this time. “Excuse me?!” ---- Or the one where Cas wants to have sex and Dean is there to help.

your classic denialist “i’ll be your wingman” turning to “actually imagining someone else touching you makes me want to punch someone.” which is dumb, because cas actually wanted dean all along. 

Words with Friends by betts

"Dean Winchester is as straight as an arrow. He’s a lady’s man of epic proportions: the king of the one night stand, the messiah of the friends with benefits paradigm, the emperor of perpetual bachelorhood.

Except, apparently, when it comes to his best friend, Castiel Novak."

***

Wherein a longstanding acquaintanceship leads to friendship, then best friendship, then sexting, then dirty talk, then mutual masturbation, then, inevitably, fucking.

look i think you’re always in good hands with @bettsfic​. but this one has some good sexting and phone sex right at the start, which i’m totally into, and then it gets even better. cas is a lil bossy, by which i meant to say he’s the kind of bdsm geek who has equipment installed in his bedroom for sex purposes. 

You're The Only Stranger I Need by lyndsie_l

When Castiel receives a text from a stranger, he finds himself engaging in conversations daily. He's drawn to the outgoing college student and longs to interact with the other man as often as he can. Slowly, he finds himself falling in love with the other and can't imagine ever meeting a more beautiful person.

The only problem?

He's never actually met this other man.

be still my heart! a long distance/texting/phone sex thing! i want to read it again right this second. cas is such a cool nerd, dean is a brat, it’s a good time all around. 

if you enjoy these fics (and you should), please give the writer some love via kudos and/or comments. <3 

ps - as always, if i didn’t tag the writer and you know their tumblr, please tag in the comments. i don’t think there’s a writer alive who wouldn’t be happy to be on a rec list. :) 

[storibambino]

The Fuck?

A/N: Sorry this is late I got word my queue didn’t post it. This is my second contribution to the @hoopshoney fic fest! This is just a friendly discussion about my favorite word in the English language. No beta all mistakes are mine. Enjoy my lovelies.

On Ao3

Warnings: a fuckton of fucks all up in this thang, also the n-word

Prompt: “Nah, nah, fuck that.” featuring T’Challa and the gang

Words: 1.2k

“You are making a really big deal out of nothing.” You sighed.

“I disagree. I don’t think you should say it.” T’Challa stated in the most annoyingly sincere way.

“Cuz you gotta stop being so controlling about this shit.” Erik chimed in. “It’s literally just a word.

This was minute 45 of a friendly conversation about the word “fuck”. It was no secret that it was your favorite word and you used it often. Erik always encouraged you being a fellow American in Wakanda but T’Challa not so much. Every time he heard it come out of your mouth it became a discussion on etiquette and being a proper lady and all that jazz. He meant well and was insistent you integrate into Wakandan culture easily but old habits die hard.

“To you it’s just a cuss word but to me it’s so much more.” You attempted to reason with him again. “Fuck is a word of passion and versatile like art or a good weapon.”

“I do not agree but if you must explain it to me again.” T’Challa was willing to humor you just this once.

“Finally! Let this queen educate you nigga.”

“I got this Erik.” You sat down on the couch between Erik and T’Challa. “Fuck is not a normal word. It has so many connotations and denotations. For example, ‘fuck you’ is a term of disrespect and a challenge. If I were to say ‘Fuck you Erik.’ He would probably try to fight me.”

“Watch yourself girl. Just cause you’re my best friend doesn’t mean I won’t fuck you up.” Erik sneered.

“Good example E. Now, if you were to flip the statement and say ‘fuck me’ there’s a different statement completely. It could be a romantic ‘fuck me’ as in what you and Nakia be doing at night.” She gave him a wink but continued before he could respond. “OR ‘fuck me’ is a term of annoyance. Like when I dropped those tools in Shuri’s lab and you scolded me for saying ‘fuck me’. I didn’t want sex I was upset with myself. Get it?”

“Yes, I understand but it’s still an unnecessary word. There are other ways to say those things.”

“Other ways are boring. Let’s do another example.” She stopped to think. “Ok, here’s a good one. The fuck, just fuck by its self. Fuck can mean ‘yikes’. Fuck can mean ‘damn that’s crazy’. Simply adding ‘oh’ in front of it and we have a whole new sentence. Oh fuck can mean you’re surprised. Oh fuck can also mean ‘this is delicious’. There are literally so many possibilities: ‘fuck this, that, up, down, sideways’. You can’t ask me to give this up. It’s inhumane. I didn’t move to Wakanda for all that.”

“All right ok, ok. I will not ask you not to use the word but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”

“Nigga I’m telling you embrace it and life will be easier.” Erik piped up. “But me and my homie here bout to roll out and get some food.” He got up off the couch and started to head out. You hung back a little longer to talk to T’Challa privately.

“Liberate yourself king. Really it might do you some good.

---------

A few days later they showed up again. Well, he showed up again, Steve. He had come to check on his friend. You were in the lab with Shuri when he and T’Challa strolled in.

“Good afternoon brother. Captain.”

Hello, Princess Shuri.” He greeted Shuri then turned to you. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Steve.”

“Sup Mr. America.” You replied flatly.

“Y/N it’s Captain.” T’Challa scolded.

“I’m the American here so I think I can call him what I please.” You eye Steve cautiously. “What you doing here?”

“He’s here to check on his special friend.” Shuri teased.

Steve cleared his throat. “Actually I’ve come to take him with me.”

“Y-You can’t do that. He’s not ready to leave.” Shuri sputtered. There was concern written on her face. It was no secret she took pride in fixing Bucky, like all her inventions, if she didn’t think he was ready to leave it was for good reason. She began to worry her lip between her teeth. You looked to T’Challa to try and diffuse the situation.

“Let’s all just relax. I’m sure there are reasons that The Captain is here and why he needs to take his friend away.”

“No one is taking Bucky away from Wakanda, he is not ready. I know his programming better than anyone and there are improvements to be made. He doesn’t even have the arm I’ve been working on.” You’d never seen Shuri so upset but you’ve also never seen anyone mess with her tech.

“With all due respect, I know Bucky better than anyone and he needs to come with me. I don’t expect you to understand.” It may not have been the words but his tone was definitely out of line and you had to speak up.

“Yo, fuck you. Shuri has been working to fix the fucked up head on your boyfriend for over a year and a half. If she says he’s staying it’s for good reason and you need to back the fuck up.” You didn’t mean to raise your voice but he had no right to come in here and demand anything from Shuri.

“You better watch your mouth. If I say he’s coming, he’s coming. It may hurt the her feelings but he isn’t an experiment, he’s my friend. I don’t expect you or this little girl to understand that.”

“Nah, nah, fuck that.”

For a moment it was like all the air in the room vanished. Shuri looked at you, you looked at the Captain, you all looked at T’Challa who just stared back. He looked just as surprised as you were when he let the ‘f’ word fly. And in front of Captain America. T’Challa cleared his throat. “What I am trying to say is that if Princess Shuri has decided that your friend is not yet able to leave her supervision that is the final word. She knows what she’s doing and I will greatly appreciate if you never refer to her as ‘this little girl’ again.” His tone left no room for conversation.

“Can I see him before I go?” Steve said through clenched teeth.

“Of course the Dora will escort you him.”

Steve gave a nod to T’Challa as he left. Once he was out of sight you and Shuri took one look at each other and fell the fuck out. After a good five minutes of non-stop laughter you registered that T’Challa was still standing there. He was standing there brows furrowed looking displeased.

“Come on T. You can’t say that didn’t feel good.” You said still trying to catch your breath. He held out for a few seconds then the smuggest of smug smiles burst onto his face.

“Ok, ok it was satisfying.”

“That’s what the fuck I’m talking about.” You cheered. “I gotta tell Erik about this.”

Shuri held up her kimoyo beads, “I recorded it! I’m sending it to the entire council.”

“Delete that footage!” T’Challa commanded.

Sharing a look you and Shuri answered together, “Fuck that.”

[sadberryshortcake-blog]

November Recap

It’s crunch time of the semester! Thanksgiving was such a tease for winter break. We’re on the last 3 weeks and holy shit time went by so fast. I’m surprisingly doing well in my classes (even in a class I purposely neglect). This makes me so happy because I’ve been struggling my whole college career. I was never able to find the motivation because I was afraid to let go of the past back then and I wasn’t willing to try. This semester my eyes opened up knowing that I had to prove myself and that I was tired of being behind everyone. I should officially be in my major next semester. 

November passed in such a blink of an eye. And I’d have to say that this month is the most I slacked off in the semester. But a lot of good (and a couple bad) things happened this month!

I had the opportunity to fly to Sacramento to attend a conference for Child Life Professionals. As a student, my goal is to get certified to become a Child Life Specialist. This conference kinda helped me and kinda didn’t. I was expecting to attend a conference that would introduce me to that professional field and the do’s and don’ts etc. But instead, I felt like the conference was meant for those who were already certified and how then can improve their work. I don’t want to say that I wasted money going there because I did learn some new things but I don’t think I benefitted from it like others did. Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one who felt out of place and I met a couple people who go to my school that attended that conference as well. Sacramento was a nice little get away because it let me feel independent and it also gave me time to spend with my boyfriend. He tagged along with me because he wanted to keep me company. We were able to try new foods and visit the state capitol. Although there wasn’t much to do in Sacramento, I still enjoyed the trip.

I TURNED 22! Please don’t reference Taylor Swift’s song. It’s annoying lol. My birthday wasn’t really anything special this year. It was like any other normal day. I woke up and went to my classes. Originally I had plans to go out with my mom and my boyfriend to go eat at Crab Hut but it got cancelled because my mom said that it was getting too late to eat (this was around 7:00pm). So instead my boyfriend took me out to dinner. The good news from my birthday was that I received test results on a writing exam that I took.What I thought would be a horrible score turned out to be a passing one. On the day of the exam, I probably had one of the worst anxiety attacks that I’ve gotten. Prior to the exam, I spent the whole week reading samples and prepping for the exam. When it came to the exam date, I felt so unprepared, I had a writer’s block, I felt like what I was doing wasn’t good enough. It was so bad that I started biting all my nails to the point where the skin under my nail started showing up. I was so relieved seeing the score that I got.

I watch two of my favorite reggae artist/band in concert! It was my third time seeing Sammy J and he is always on point. I surprisingly made new friends with these two girls from Orange County and was able to bring them out to a bar nearby with my boyfriend and I. I also saw Common Kings for the first time a couple days after Sammy J’s concert. Honestly I was disappointed. When they would play one of their popular songs, they would stop the song at the chorus (right when everyone is about to sing along) just to restart the song again. I didn’t understand why they did that and it ruined the experience for me. In addition to that, I felt that the sound system was off because there was a period of time of the concert where my ears were ringing. The concert itself sounded more of a rock concert than a reggae concert. I’m not sure whether or not I would give them a second chance. 

I also had another performance with my hula group and we had a Thanksgiving dinner, pot-luck style. Nothing really exciting about the both of those events, but at least I did something.

Thanksgiving was interesting for me. I spent lunch at my auntie’s house (dad’s side) and it was pretty boring. It kind of made me feel unexcited for the holidays. They just don’t seem as lively to me as they used to be. Ate food food and then took a nap until I had to go to another auntie’s house (mom’s side) for dinner. It made me realize how much change is going on. I got to see my niece and nephews for the first time in a while and a lot has changed with them. I understand that they are growing up but it’s so hard for me to grasp because I’m so used to how they were as kids. The twins have tattoos.They all smoke in some way (whether vape, juul, weed, etc) and they drink and party. Mind you the twins are in their first year of college and my niece is in her senior year of high school. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to accept because I know there are other who start these things at an even younger age, but idk. A part of me is still trying to find that sense of belonging with my family because I feel like I can’t really get along with everyone. I can’t feel the connection. And I try to find something by observing but then I end up not socializing at all. But yeah, thanksgiving was pretty disappointing to me. Hopefully Christmas is better because my brother and my god brother will be around. 

OKAY DECEMBER CAN YOU NOT PASS IN 5 SECONDS LIKE NOVEMBER DID PLS?