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dotthings · 1 year ago

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After rewatching 4.19 Jump the Shark, here's some thoughts on hunting, the making of personal connections, and what SPN is about.

As often happens with SPN, the characters themselves play out ruminations on these themes. I barely even have to write commentary.

DEAN What the hell was that? SAM What? DEAN 'Hunting is life. You can't have connections.' Dad gave you that exact same speech, remember? It was just before you ditched us for Stanford. You hated Dad for saying that stuff, and now you're quoting him? SAM Yeah, well, turns out Dad was right. DEAN Since when? SAM Since always. Dean, when I look at Adam, you know what I see? DEAN A normal kid. SAM No. Meat. Because the demons and monsters out there, that's all he is. I hated Dad for a long time. I did. But now I think I understand. So we didn't have a dog and a white picket fence. So what? Dad did right by us. He taught us how to protect ourselves. Adam deserves the same.

Notice how this severe idea that all they can have is this, nothing else, no friends (even friendships with other hunters is frowned upon, John was noticeably isolationist and distrustful and alienated his hunter friends who loved him, like Bobby), no love stories, nothing but the hunt, comes right from John's words.

Dean's shocked to hear it from Sam. In part because Sam always fought John about it and now Sam is quoting John, but in part it's because one of Dean's long arcs is rethinking a lot of John's ideas and finding his own identity outside of being John's shadow, or mimic.

In season 4, as Sam goes deeper and deeper under the influence of demon blood and Ruby's coaching, he goes colder and more ruthless and more remote, less like the Sam we know, and Dean notices more and more.

DEAN Listen to yourself, man. SAM You think I’m wrong? DEAN I think it's too late for us. This is our life. This is who we are, okay? And it's fine. I accept that. But with Adam, he's still got a chance, man. He can go to school. He could be a doctor.

Now it pulls back to Dean's resignation--but it's too late, the words are already out there with Dean questioning it. Too late for the audience not to notice.

While Dean doesn't expressly voice the idea that as hunters, maybe they don't have to sever all personal connections and turn off their hearts, it's self-evidently on Dean's mind. He doesn't see much hope for himself. That doesn't mean he isn't thinking it. And it's a very obvious part of the canon story for the run of the show.

As usual with SPN, two things can be true at once. Or there's a seed of truth but it's an incomplete truth. It is difficult to form and maintain connections in the hunting life, even with other hunters in the life. That doesn't mean Sam and Dean don't have any or can't have any. SPN self evidently shows they absolutely did, right along. Not just with each other.

Found family--the forging of connections, the human heart--is part of the life's blood of the story and always has been.

Dean in particular, throughout the series, has been adept at forming these connections and caring. He may at times try to shut himself away because it feels safer. The other people get less hurt. He'll get less hurt. But always he lets them in, he always cares.

It's easier with other hunters. People in the life with them, who understand that life.

John's narrow worldview of hunting, the ruthlessness, that's mirrored in Sam in this episode, and the idea that they can't have anyone else--isn't presented as the right answer.

Dean, as the series goes on, moves more and more into living the hunting life in a way that's by his own definitions, his own way, not his father's dictates. Despite the challenges of the hunting life. Dean makes his own rules.

We also see more instances of people in the hunting life who don't live by the extreme isolationist ideas of John Winchester. In fact, it turns out John was unusual and that hunters are sociable with each other, even if the life can be harsh and isolating. There's a hunting community. We only see glimpses of it early on because John kept Sam and Dean unusually isolated due to the circumstances of his particular quest, the YED.

But Sam and Dean are not their father. They forge their own path.

Most of all, SPN is a story about the connections that form between people--including the brothers, but not limited solely to the brothers.

SAM Dean...all this...it's not real. The dad Adam knew—he wasn't real. The things out there in the shadows—they are real. The world is coming to an end. That's real. Everything else is just part of the crap people tell themselves to get through the day.

You know what popped into my head when Sam said that? Dean's voice telling Cas in 4.22 -- You know what's real? People, families -- that's real.

Sam falls into a dark despairing mindset where all he can see is monsters and he is losing his heart. 4.19 ends on an ominous note

DEAN You know, I finally get why you and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. SAM looks over. DEAN I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now. SAM I'll take that as a compliment. DEAN You take it any way you want.

Dean's coming to some realizations about his own hero-worship and imitation of his father, and seeing how he's not in fact, his father, no matter how much he fears it (or used to wish for it), and learning how much Sam is the one who is more like John than he is, despite Sam's lack of imitation and worship.

And without their friends who are like family, Sam and Dean aren't ever finding their way out of this thicket. They'd be lost, the world would be lost.

SPN is first and foremost about love.

#Dean meta #Sam meta #spn meta

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cursedwithcaution · 2 months ago

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you know, is funny how even though we as the Reade's know not to trust Hunter entirely because he's a unreliable narrator we somehow know when he's lying or what he's thinking. I don't know if this is due to being in his mind for so many time (it's 75 chapters with him after all) but we just know. And honestly? I think that say a lot about your skill as a writer, dang. You're just good as that.

I'm saying that because in the chapter ending when Hunter was thinking like "I can’t tell anyone what I actually feel right now. What I actually want. It doesn’t make sense. I can’t feel like this. I can’t feel anything right. I want it to stop. I don’t understand. I’m sorry. I’m sick. I’m sick" I somehow, know what he's talking about. At least I think I do? He's not talking about suicide, he already talk about this with naturality. He's probably thinking about Phil but I can't tell what exactly.

The fact that the fic is basically a journal/dairy makes even more hard to understand what is happening because we can't see ah... But now is more easier to know when he's lying or what he's feeling. Even when he's writing he can't hide his feeling. I'm sorry, this fic is giving me brainworm haha I'm actually scare for the next chapters. Like, things may turn out horrible for our Blondie.

Ahh I really appreciate you saying this! One of my main goals when writing chapters is figuring out not only how Hunter is feeling but also how Hunter would describe how he's feeling and what he's thinking, and also what he's experiencing. Like there are certain moments in this chapter (75) in particular where his perception of events might be incongruent with what's actually happening. Sometimes it's because he's being dishonest with himself, sometimes it's because he genuinely can't perceive reality accurately.

I want readers to be able to read between the lines, and I love love love it when y'all pick up on things like this! We know there are some things (like suicidal thoughts) that he'll write about pretty bluntly, and then there are other (usually Belos-related things) that he does not/cannot put into words except under very specific circumstances (the scenes with sand tray therapy, for instance, allow him to say things he wouldn't otherwise be able to articulate). A lot of the time, it takes someone else saying something out loud first for him to be able to acknowledge it.

Writing from his perspective like this is very fun, especially these moments where you can tell what he's feeling/thinking even when he is refusing to say it outright. Thank you so much for reading! I'm looking forward to sharing the upcoming chapters :3

#thanks for the ask!#finding palismen #hunter toh #my writing #blessed with asks #cursed with answers #cursed with writing

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l-e-morgan-author · 2 years ago

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Love in Hands Made For Gentleness

One of the themes in this book are the different forms of love, and - like many others - I think about the Greek words to ensure I explore it the way I want to. It's an interesting thing to think about, how each form of love is manifested, and is something I hold very close to my heart, because after all 'these three abide, but the greatest of these is love'. Given that both faith and hope are also crucial elements (hope gets more of a talking-about, but that's inextricably tied into faith as it is for me), it's important that I don't forget about their greater counterpart, love. I wanted to break it down and discuss a bit about how the different forms of love are displayed.

This necessarily involves spoilers, so if you want to scroll right past and remain unspoiled, feel free to! (And yes, I do indeed overanalyse my own works, what of it?) Also note: trigger warnings consistent with the book itself, since some of the topics discussed may be distressing (if you find discussion of topics like suicide distressing, a) please take care of yourself, and b) this probably won't be the book for you).

So in no particular order:

Philia

Philia is the love of friends, platonic love. This is really where Vaniah and Anneka start out, in a way - very good friends, very affectionate, and entirely platonic. Before we get into the more complicated feelings as they grow closer after their marriage, one of my aims with this book is to emphasise the importance of platonic love, as well as its depth, and that it absolutely doesn't need to romantic to be very close and extremely important to the people in it. For Vaniah, Anneka is the most important person in his life, even before their marriage.

Eros

Eros is the interesting one here to me - the passionate romantic or sexual love. It's definitely important to this story and these characters; Vaniah has some trauma around all of this to work through, but ultimately, they're married, they're going to be doing married people shenanigans. (Not on page, don't worry. There'll be discussions around that topic, as necessary, but since it's not a topic I really want to touch for personal reasons I doubt it'll have a great deal of page time.) It's important, but most of the hints around it will probably be accidental; I know I've shared excerpts that are just them playing around and being silly, and certain people look at them and see sexual undertones I never intended. Ah well.

Agape

Agape is the most important love here, I think - the self-sacrificing, selfless love. It's unconditional, and very much represents the bond between Vaniah and Anneka as it heals. Both are willing to do whatever it takes for the other to grow better and closer to God, at least in theory, and over time that translates to wanting their own healing in order to stop grieving the other person (more relevant for Vaniah than Anneka). At a certain point with a lot of mental problems, I feel like one stops caring about healing, and it's a struggle sometimes to remember why you would try, because it's easier to just exist and not try to improve. Over time, though, Vaniah and Anneka help one another to heal from their respective problems. They won't go away completely, of course, but whatever they can do to help, they do, and I love them for it. Anneka, for instance, is very willing to hear about dark, graphic thoughts and see some very graphic things, if it will help Vaniah (like when she helps him to care for self-inflicted wounds, which understandably deeply upsets her). Despite how it may make her feel, she's determined to continue to love him no matter what, and that's something she emphasises, especially when he gets existential and at one point even suggests she should divorce him and let him die by his own hand. (She refuses, reminds him of her love and God's love, and pulls out verses to support her point.)

Storge

Storge is the familiar love, love of family. This is one most represented by Anneka's bond with her brother, Ben. While Vaniah has two siblings, one is already dead by the start of the story, and the other, Susan, doesn't get a great deal of page time. Because the story is told from Anneka's point of view, the two most important male characters are Vaniah and Ben. Her relationship with Ben mimics my own bond with my siblings. I wanted him to be her protector, to some extent, until that role is handed more to Vaniah. Though she can stand for herself, Anneka still needs the love and support of her family and friends, just like we all do. For Vaniah and Anneka, the support and protection goes both ways.

Mania

Mania is another interesting one, and not one I'd really considered specifically until writing this post. As part of his mental health journey, Vaniah sometimes veers close to obsession, or stumbles into it completely. He is at times violent, but never towards Anneka, only himself. There's a spice of codependency as well, as they both know he would have committed suicide years earlier if it hadn't been for her, and at times, at his lowest, he resents her for it. There are a lot of toxic emotions tied up into this relationship, but together (and with the help of others from their church) they work through it and out the other side.

Ludus

This is another form of love I hadn't considered until writing this post, but I'm glad I did. It's an integral part of Vaniah and Anneka's relationship, and serves to lighten the admittedly heavy tone of this book. They have a lot of fun together, even despite the terrible darkness that sometimes assails one or both of them, and it's important to remember. It's also tied into the banter between Anneka and Ben, which can sometimes be pretty similar to the way Vaniah and Anneka interact. But they absolutely can't be sad or depressed all the time, because that would be a terrible book to read. I need to work more on putting this in, and the balance between light and dark, so that it doesn't feel jarring or confusing, or different to the tone of the rest of the book.

Pragma

Pragma is an enduring love, and it's extremely important to their relationship. Both Vaniah and Anneka have to make compromises to make things work, and as they mature and heal from their traumas and disorders, they learn to work together better, and the codependency they previously experienced is transformed into a strong, healthy and abiding bond in Christ.

Philautia

Oh look, another one I hadn't expressly thought about before this post! Philautia is the love of self. This one is interesting because it ties into my opinion that both 'self love' and 'self hatred' are expressions of self obsession, which isn't really a very good thing, obviously. At the start of the story, Vaniah absolutely can't get past his feelings about himself, his guilt over what he was forced to do or chose to do, and the way he perceives himself at that point. However, as it progresses, he learns to forgive himself (there's one scene in which Anneka argues that God has forgiven him if he has repented, and he bitterly retorts that all he needs to do is forgive himself, for he has repented a thousand times), and finally to move on after years of feeling stuck in one place. This is only really possible after he hits the lowest point and attempts suicide, and finally makes the decision that he will never end his own life, no matter what. He eventually reaches a point at which he is less self-obsessed (tying it in to the development of agape love as well), and is able to look more outwards without obsessing over his own behaviour; he doesn't love himself, but he has learned to accept himself and to largely stop punishing himself for his own existence, which is what is tied into his significant habit of self-harm. (Which he does eventually manage to stop completely; I'm not sure that's entirely possible for some or even most people, at least given how established it is as a coping mechanism for him, but there might be a little bit of wishful thinking helping this one along, and that's okay.)

So those are the different forms of love as expressed in this story! I could probably talk a lot more about them if I sat down and thought about it for even longer, but I really shouldn't. I have an exam to study for. God be with you.

In a slightly edited form, this post will also be available on my website, lemorganauthor.wordpress.com, shortly. (Edit: the post is now available at this link which I hope works because I've never done a hyperlink on tumblr before.)

#hands made for gentleness #vaniah #anneka #love #writeblr #microdosing on marketing #my writing #analysis #please feel free to reblog and whatnot!

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kuwdora · 1 year ago

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For Talk Shop Tuesday: When you have a new fic idea, are you a planner who outlines things, or do you just wing it and let your story go where it will?

I've been both a pantser and planner over the years. I used to go naked into a draft and to see where it takes me. I find that really fun and interesting to explore. But these days I'm very scattered and unfocused since my writing habits have been messed up by stress. I find myself needing a little structure to get me started and help me remember where the idea might be leading me. So these days I'm doing more outlining. I love me a good list of bulletpoints. When I'm starting out I usually just have sparse ideas I jot down and the outline will grow from there. While drafting I'll prune and start tossing things into a separate idea bucket as things evolve, 'cause I still wander off the beaten path and end up writing things that don't end up fitting for that particular story but would probably make a nice little ficlet or another long story. For instance: I was stuck on my geralt/jaskier scribe fic and I tried to write what happened before the fic started so I could understand their headspaces a little better.... I had no outline, just an idea and a question in mind. In like a week I ended up writing 18k of backstory of what was feeling like a new 50k story that would also lead to two other stories. I just end up having too many ideas for most of the fic I end up starting. I've found my messy gardening process works best for my stories that are in the 10k-25k range. Stories that are longer I end up with a bloated outline that isn't benefiting me as much as it should cause it just gets out of control. Which is probably why I haven't managed to finish or post any of my longer fic. My stories that are less than 4k are easier for me wrestle without much detail in ye olde bulletpoints.

#ty for such a good ask!!#talk shop tuesday #writingdora #answerdora #textpost

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icannotreadcursive · 2 years ago

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I've never finished an entire fanfic. While I'm embarrassed to say it I've probably only finished 8 to 12 books for fun in my life.

Could you give me one work on A03 I should read if I promise to devote most of an afternoon to understanding it?

I really enjoyed "The Sandman" by Neil Gaiman.

I read "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder as a teenager. It had a lasting and profound effect on me.

I also finished "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse.

Once, I found an audio book I love. I listened to all 18 hours probably 4 or 5 times while driving across the country. It is called "From Yao to Mao: 5000 Years of Chinese History" by Ken Hammond.

I think I want a story that explains the truth about finding love and doesn't just tell people what they want to hear, the way most rom-coms seem to do.

I don't really know what I want though. I'm hoping you will help me.

I've heard so much bad advice from romantic stories. They usually hurt now and I usually stop reading when stories get romantic.

I would like to give it another try someday.

I'm not sure that I can give you one fanfic you should read.

You and I are different people, with different life experiences, different relationships to media, and different tastes. A fic I find moving and worthwhile may strike you as trite and obnoxious. Conversely, one that might end up speaking to you, I might've dismissed out of hand for one reason or another.

What I can do, though, is tell you there is absolutely no shame in not being a big reader, give you some advice that may make it easier to find fic you will enjoy, and offer a few recomendations of fics that I think are particularly good.

So, advice

To begin with: If you want to better your chances of finishing reading something, filter your Ao3 searches with a maximum word count. Under about 15000 words is usually easy to read in a sitting or two, even for my burnt out dyslexic self. If listening works better for you than reading, look into podfics. That's right, people make audiobooks of fanfic, for free! If you'd rather avoid romantic stories, filter your searches to only show you results categorized as G - Gen. Genfic, as it's lovingly called, is fic that is not going to be focused on romantic or sexual relationships, and instead is usually about friendships, familial dynamics, or character studies. (Unless it's been mis-sorted, in which case it's a different problem.)

Relatedly, you may want to look for relationship tags that use an & rather than a /, such as [Alice & Bob}, which will give you stories about Alice and Bob as a platonic relationship, instead of [Alice/Bob], which would give you Alice and Bob as a romantic couple.

Now, it is true that keeping to the world of genfic will cut you off from a huge swath of the fic that's out there on Ao3, so you may end up wanting to wade into other categories of fic.

I'm also very much not a fan of how a lot of media--especially romcoms--depict romantic relationships. In particular, they way they tend to treat things that should be big red flags like they're cute, and the way often completely gloss over the kind of working-through-shit-is-hard-and-necessary that's the reality of all interpersonal relationships. One of the things that I like about fanfic is that it's often easier to find fic that handles those sorts of things well. Certainly doesn't mean they all do, but I find the odds are better. Some fandoms and some ships are overall better about that than others, depending in large part on the demographics of fanfic writers attracted to that fandom ad those characters, and on the existing character dynamics from the source material. For instance, the Clint/Coulson ship in the Marvel fandom has a base of writers that's largely made up of fully adult and older adult women, and the source text being drawn from for those characters already has elements in it of balancing professional duty with personal life and dealing with loss and healing, so you get quite a lot of fic that's interested in really digging into the emotional complexities and difficulties of starting, maintaining, and/or patching up a relationship as an adult.

A very good writer for that ship, if you'd like to check it out, is Ao3 user cakeisnotpie.

Relatedly, fic for older and more mature media that's more likely to have an older writer base, or have a backlog of fic from when when fandom was less online and was less accessible to high schoolers is also more likely to be more nuanced and mature. The Firefly fandom leans that way, as does some Star Trek (though the Trek fandom is so big it's a very mixed bag). The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin is an excellent book with a lot of good thoughtful fic, if you're into that flavor of sci-fi.

The discomfort of the gap between media romance and real life can also be eased by seeking out stories about relationships that are unlike relationships you're ever going to be in. It's well documented that a big part of why many women, regardless of orientation, gravitate towards m/m romances is the freedom from self-comparison afforded by not having a woman in the relationship. A similar dynamic can exist for anyone. That can also be part of the draw for highly fantastical stories with improbable premises or fantasy/sci fi settings very different from our own daily reality. The distance gives us room to play.

In conjunction with that, it helps to be mindful of your own mindset when looking at stories. If what you're reading is just trying to weave a fantasy, don't look to it for advice. If it's exploring puppy love, don't ask it for maturity. Sometimes we have to meet a story where it is, and if that's a place we don't want to go, we have to recognize that's just a matter of our preference, not necessarily something the story is doing wrong, frustrating as it may be.

Think of characters that speak to you, that interest you, that you'd like to explore more about and look for fic about them. Exclude tags liberally as you recognize what you don't want to read--that's usually easier to figure out than what you do. Try not to get discouraged if you feel like you're throwing out a lot more than you're finding interesting. Despite how some people talk about it, this is not a competition won by volume read. It's more like prospecting for gold.

Now for recommendations

Fair warning that most of the fic I engage with, as writer or reader, have at least an element of m/m romance to them. If you really don't wanna touch that, there's not much I can give you.

Feel free to check out any of the following, or not, depending on if they sound interesting, if you're familiar with the fandom, or if you just like the title.

Thing's I've written that may work for you:

Momento Ipsum - fandom: The Old Guard. Approx 19,000 words. Set more or less modern day, more or less in the reality of the movie. A couple romantic relationships are present, but the focus is much more on individuals' self of self and how they relate to their own pasts.

Snacks and Midnight Blues - fandom: The Old Guard. Approx 3,000 words. Nice and short, just a late night conversation between friends, with some grappling with mortality or lack thereof. Some couply cuteness when one character's husband walks in near the end.

The First Annual Family Of Promise Roadtrip - fandom: The Witcher. Approx 17,000 words. Set in a modern day AU, it's a road trip to the beach. The core of the story is the relationship an adult friendgroup all develop with one member's teenaged goddaughter. Very much a familial/intergenerational-friendship thing. That said, there is a central thread involving intimate partnership where one person is aromantic.

Dinner Buffet, and a Fanta - fandom: Venom (Marvel). Approx 1,500 words. A waitress recounts the very weird shift she had one day when a guy with an alien symbiote got seated in her section. It's just fun.

Things other people have written:

More Man than You - fandom: Captain America. Approx 36,000 words. This is probably the best fanfic I've ever read, in my wholly subjective opinion. It's an incredibly well researched and nuanced exploration of what life would have been like for Steve Rogers as a queer man in the 1930s and 40s, including while at war, and how he would have related to his sexuality, the people and society around him, and the queer subculture of the time. There is sex and romance, all of which is in service of the character study and sociological exploration. It certainly doesn't sugar coat the difficulties of interpersonal relationships.

That's really all I have for you. I hope you find this helpful. For guidance navigating Ao3's function's I recommend @ao3commentoftheday's #howtoao3 tag. You can also reference my Fanfic Author's Guide to Metatext for some help with how people use tags, though--as the title suggests--the guide is more aimed at writers.

Best of luck, and may you find stories that speak to you!

#eiiri answers #thanks for the ask!#fanfic #recommendations #if anyone has any more specific recomendations I'm sure they'd be welcome

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icharchivist · 2 years ago

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While I don't completely agree with your assessment that the knights are hotter than Belial, I respect your opinion. Also, granted, Belial is flaunting his hotness more. If Percy or Siegfried got a unit of them wearing nothing but a g-string, we'll see if my tune changes

And I do admit those guys have much less baggage and it would be nice in theory to get to go on a date without the risk of getting murdered by the hot guy you're going out with....

"If Percy or Siegfried got a unit of them wearing nothing but a g-string" does summer siegfried means nothing to u. the man didn't wear a push up bra as a swimsuit to be disregarded as not slutty enough :(

(also he does wear a mankini under his yukata i'm not letting anyone forget this)

but this is fair, i understand your point of view as well. I do think that out of raw sexiness alone, especially like, design alone, perhaps Belial would be hotter in some circumstances, but the fact Percival and Siegfried have a very sweet personality that takes less "having to cope with the fact they're a terrible person" to enjoy, it makes them even easier on the eye

.... but also i find long hair, especially on men, incredibly sexy, so the longer the hair the more likely it is to have an effect on me, and Siegfried really hits that sweet spot. And aside from that i do have a type for red hair, and Percival also has the exact same haircut as Zack Fair (aka my first fictional character love) so my opinions are swayed by that. Also Percival's waist being absolutely snatched genuinely is the sexiest thing in the world to me.

As a whole, maybe Belial would be hotter, but Siegfried and Percival hits too much design points that genuinely make me melt so eventually they get more points than Belial to me.

And yeah, then there's their personalities to take into account, and yeah, there would be less bagages and less risks. Granted, the risks of being killed is a feature, not a bug, of going out with Belial. If i want to date him it would be out of wanting to studying him like a big, so, the risks and stuff is actually the compelling parts!

But it's true that Percival and Siegfried would be far better for casual dates when you don't feel like going on a survival mode to have a good time.

Percival's dates are obviously made to cater to me in particular for instance. I was rereading his bday lines the other day and i'm still so offended by how those lines were made for me. Percival bragging that he knows everything about MC's interests and that he would go out of his way to make sure MC gets access to all of their favorite interests with the most luxurious experience? Like oh my fucking god. Like in this line he was talking about "i knew you wanted to go to this concert so i got us VIP places with the best of views so you enjoy it to the best of your capacity" literally i'm on my knees asking him in marriage again. Percival would be the type to go on a date with you and buy you literally anything that catches your eyes without you even asking for them. He'd pay attention to anything you may like so he can discuss it with you and share it with you. He likes to play boardgames or spend afternoon just reading and enjoying a good time with you. And there's also this christmas line that has him delighted about building snowmen with MC trying to make a Danchou version of a snowman while joking around with you. Like. Like genuinely the dates with Percival drives me absolutely insane they hit so hard on what i'm attracted to. the only risk with dating Percival is that he will put your date on hold to go and help someone if you guys run into trouble, but like. What a problem that is.

Siegfried is more mellow, especially since he starts out with this whole behavior that he believes you'd be better off without spending too much time with him since he's a ticking timebomb and all. he's also super awkward at times due to how long he spent in the wilds, and for instance his gifts are always survival stuff or stuff to wish you good health, which is all very sweet, but it doesn't work on me nearly as much. Still, dates with him would be very soft, i think he would genuinely indulge in whatever you want even if it doesn't come with the layer of how much Percival wants to participate to those experience as well. The biggest risk with Siegfried is also how he'd drop everything to help someone, and also that he's so hot anywhere he'd go without his mask would have people trying to approach him and you'll find your date very crowded in no time.

So those dates talks to me personally and make them insanely hotter in my eyes.

Belial still is in my top 5 hottest guys in Granblue (... he's probably in 3rd position after Percival and Siegfried i would say), but yeah, Percival and Siegfried just hits on some of my weak point design wise AND the way they fill the date times without risking killing me is actually a very good barging.

So yeah. yeah.

#i need to be careful when i ramble too much about Percival's dates and stuff it reminds me why i love him so much and it's a no no #ichareply #ichafantalks gbf #anonymous

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thisgardenofromance · 2 years ago

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Why I Absolutely Cannot Stand TamaHaru as an Ouran Manga Reader

Shoutout to this post I made a while back, we're finally delving into the second half of my argument lol

I feel like I'm gonna get some heat for this but I mean this completely in good faith to the shippers, because y'all are people. And honestly? Since there are so many of you, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your (polite) responses because I really don't understand. Here's my (anti-TamaHaru) perspective:

Ok, so TamaHaru always seemed a bit bland to me in the anime. It was fine if it had to happen, I guess, but it always seemed like the other characters were a lot more excited about it than the actual couple, and it just kind of seemed like their energies and life plans didn't align? They don't even end up kissing by the end of the anime, and they were the main ship and a straight couple. If they wanted to kiss, wouldn't they have kissed? And I mean, yeah, there was that whole bit where everyone was like "wow, Haruhi's dad is just like Tamaki" (which seems like some sort of weird relationship complex in and of itself), but Tamaki had a tendency to get excited about shit Haruhi just complained about, and I... is it really worth it at that point?

(Especially when Kyoya and Mori are right there. Come on dude, Kyoya is absolutely willing to have Tamaki's back every step of the way for whatever interests he wants to pursue and Tamaki designates him as the teammate in the family, and don't even get me started on whatever was going on between Haruhi and Mori in the waterpark episode. I want more of that shit. But that's a topic for another time.)

Feel free to give me your arguments on this too (kindly, please), but I feel like most of it that I've seen is "they'll grow together"/"they're equally stupid and that's cute"/"he just loves her so much"/"they're so aesthetic" and none of these have ever really held water for me because it doesn't really seem to negate the lack of chemistry I've observed...

Oof that was a long ass backstory but onto the actual point

So in the manga, my experience was basically all my fears were confirmed and then some, and we quickly spiraled into downright emotional abuse and partner-to-partner hatred????

Ah god it was so bad

Here are some examples

Haruhi's reaction to the realization that she loves Tamaki (Volume 13)

Literally the first example of body dysmorphia we've ever gotten from Haruhi (directly contradicting her body-positive/neutral quotes from volume 3), along with a very convenient example of Tamaki's (NOW CONFIRMED ROMANTIC) infantilization of Haruhi that y'all already know because it is present since the start of the series (the thing is this wouldn't even be an issue if it was directed at a friend as a "we have a family bond and I want to feel like I'm taking care of you" as he does with the twins and not to someone who he wants to be his life partner....) (Volume 13)

Haruhi's thoughts on the possibility of dating Tamaki (Volume 13)

The fact that the Dream Haruhi plotline has ground to stand on?????? Since when has it been okay to fantasize that your supposed other half is a completely different person when it comes to an actual romantic relationship? Shit like this is okay until it starts affecting other people, and the fact Haruhi has already shown dysmorphia because she cares about whether or not Tamaki wants to date her and then this shit happens makes me very uncomfy down to my bones. (Volume 14)

This isn't something particularly heinous between these two, but it is yet another egregious example of how they always just completely miss each other's vibes, which I personally don't really like in my power couples (Volume 15)

I'm just saying, if I realized my girlfriend thought these things about me I would be justifiably upset (Volume 15)

Ok I understand the tendency of the host club to jokingly threaten violence (read: Kyoya when he wakes up and both of the twins) but this is both completely unwarranted and oddly genuine what the fuck :D (Volume 15)

What the fuck <3 (Volume 15)

It's ok guys she's rethinking it because he fell asleep in the club room :D (she never apologizes to him by the way)

And then they spend the rest of the series overcoming external obstacles and living happily ever after

Just kidding this is how they get together (Volume 18)

And this is their first date. I don't feel like depicting it in its entirety because my back hurts now but rest assured Tamaki acting like Tamaki pisses Haruhi off more than once <3 (Volume 18)

In summary I've only ever seen them act like this with each other I like both of their characters but these chapters genuinely almost convinced me to hate them they are so bad for each other just date someone else just date someone else p l e a s e

#ohshc #ouran high school host club #tamaki suoh #haruhi fujioka #ohshc manga #toxicity #toxic relationship #ohshc headcanons #not judging anyone for liking it i promise #i don't think y'all are abuse apologists or anything we all know this source material is problematic and like it anyway #i just don't understand this instance in particular when it's so much easier to love the characters from different avenues in my experience #tw emotional abuse #they both deserve better they are only toxic to each other #anti tamaharu

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floralkittygambler · 2 years ago

Text

Coming and Going - Some More Vivzie Shit

Before you start, this is an extremely LONG read covering this account, my views of Viv, my content and my relationships within this Godforsaken fandom. This is my most up to date thoughts in 2023 on everything. This is something I feel necessary for me to do.

Contents (in no particular order):

Current Situation

Relationships in the fandom

Why I started this Blog

Thoughts on Viv/co and how they've changed since m previous posts

the fans

future thoughts and moving on

accountability

If any of this interests you, read ahead. Titles will be provided for easier following.

Why I started this blog

Originally this was a blog like any other; art, reblogs n shit. As I grew more into a Viv fan, I started posting fanart and follow blogs on her work. The more I learned the more I hated, and thus I began to become a critic. I was pissed off at viv wasting her potential, and eventually I became just as toxic and shitty as both her hardcore haters and majority of her fans. Some takes were good, some bad, either way I got too involved, too absorbed and let it consume me. Stupidly getting into conflicts, stuff like that. And I became a hardcore hater. I vocalised it. My initial aims long lost. Then I disappeared.

Vivzie, co, all that

I went from adoration to disgust of this lot. Now though, whilst I deeply dislike Viv and her crew, deeply dislike majority of the fans, I just feel... Gross. Hollow. Exhausted. I have a lot to say on Viv and my previous takes but truthfully I am too lazy and too tired and ultimately have better shit to do than go through every little thing right *now*. But I do want to at least cover a few here to do some justice, I guess.

So to skim through a few. Lets go.

Viv tracing. Honestly, tracing is a useful skill but it's bad when you trace another's work, don't credit and claim it as your own. This includes modified tracing (starting with a trace then stylising over it to make it more your style). Having nazi, nonce, etc characters I think people take extreme. These sorts make excellent "love to hate them" villains. Owning such characters isn't a crime. It's how theyre portrayed and the purpose. The nuance - something to constantly keep in mind. Her romanticism sausage party art is yikes. With her age, maturity, humour, I believe she saw this as some kind of fucked up humour, having enough awareness to understand the taboo to hide this stuff yet I do feel this was a stupid kid doing stupid edgy shit. Does that make it right? No. But I definitely dont think Viv is some nonce or nazi supporter. Later finding out how this profile was discovered makes me equally question morality on all sides. Vivs beastiality nonce artwork with the snake tub, Ive seen private dms to solidify that viv admitted to both owning this piece and that it was supposed to be a joke. Once again, I genuinely dont think shes a nonce BUT she needs to realise that if that character was below 18, she has drawn child prawn (censorship whooo) as well as distributed it via sharing online. That's still something really serious and gross. I get her humour is immature and dark, but theres lines you dont cross. And I dont find that art funny in any ways, it genuinely looks like a perverts wank bank rather than funny. Idk if the lad was one of them shapeshifting animals either but being in a human form in this instance does make the portrayal a beastiality one, due to human presenting. That's not cool. As much as I loathe those who would abuse kids or animals, I dont think this is Viv necessarily. Though I believe in this sense, Viv needs to understand and work with her cats more. She's done a lot of wrong shit but false accusations derail from solid proven issues that need addressing. At the least, Im glad the animal pervs and nonce stuff is gone. Heartbreaking that shit is so often heard of. This is the sort of thing Id laugh at as a kid but now Im grown and look after little ones, it fills me with nothing but sickening horror. Whilst vile vile vile, I havent seen anything concrete to prove or imply Viv supporting/participating in such depravity. And I fucking pray it stays that way.

You have apologised in the past. But the way you did so, the way you spoke about it afterwards and the way you are now proves it was insincere. Something to shut 'haters' up.

Viv, with all your shit, neurodiversity and late maturity, you're still yet to change for the better. The people you hang with are some of the most vile, toxic, narcissistic and shitty people. Yes men. You hire fans who'll do anything to please you, which can open the path to abuse (note: CAN, not a definitive, though in this case...). You equally are still a shitty person still. You're coming apart at the seams. Critique and hate aren't the same, and unfortunately you'll need adaptability and tough skin in this world as people can be very cruel. You lie. You twist like a constrictor. Charm the more susceptible. A very well known kissarse of yours on twitter who was quite the bully was followed by yourself, liked tweets then hired. They arent the only one either. Whilst you cannot be responsible for every single fans every single action, their are responsibilities you hold. Dont like tweets that encourage hate, dont reward negative behaviours, check your own public actions and how they may influence (act like a prick and those who admire you will mimic). Behind the scenes, treat people right. Dont play favourites. Always have integrity. Learn to incorporate critiques as well as filter out legitimate hate. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary to survive.

Viv, I can wholeheartedly empathise with receiving harsh hate early on in life and online. I know how that can taint and stunt the mind. But the thing is, you have to eventually break from that. BE responsible. Grow. Ive been toxic before. That's partially why I fixate on some of this. Equally Im angry. You ARE a VERY talented artist with potential. A shitty writer, do work on that (as well as diverse stories to tell - gain those experiences or listen to those who've been there - esp as you're doing this as a living) but when you're passionate about a piece, you're talented. And when you're not, you do what we all do and dole shite out (btw people thought I was bullying Viv when I said her P5 Alastor piece was bad in comparison to her other works. The proportions were awful, you could tell she just wanted it out the way. A startling lack of soul.) From what I've seen, you crave approval and admiration to compensate from the past cruelty. I can empathise. But that shit isnt healthy. And you block yourself from growth. You cultivate a tainted crop. You poison yourself. You sacrifice integrity and the gruelling work of improvement for the instant gratification of worship from fans by bending to their desires and your own at the cost of quality. What couldve been groundbreaking storytelling and visuals is nothing more than a glorified low-level fanfic. Wasted potential. Something I cant stand. I have been harsh as that same method helped me. In doing so, I disregarded your own humanity. I wish I conducted myself better and though I never encouraged abuse, I'm sorry that my words may have contributed to this shit cycle.

Your staff and many of your fans have... Concerning attributes, such as the fetishing of toxic relationships, blurred boundaries, disregard of boundaries, etc. The stark numbers of such unpleasant people flocking you is extremely worrying.

I do deeply dislike you. I do feel you have ultimately caused your own shit - been there - but I do pity you as well. I wish you'd go the effort to be you. To be less try hard. To allow growth and change, diversity, stop petting hatred. Get a better crowd, esp one willing to actually help you to be better by pointing shit out. To stop mass abusing others. I do dislike you greatly. I wish you would do better but all you've been doing is doubling down on shit. I feel Icarus needs to fly closer to the Sun for change to happen. It feels like the only way you may actually ground yourself and smell the roses. I just wish folk could be better as a whole. Sick of shit like this. Whilst no one is perfect, there's still standards to uphold. Growth to be had. Breach stereotypes and fetishes that dehumanise, work on yourself and your relationships with others. Careful on your humour and learn how to execute humour properly. Glad you're not doing beastiality art though. You cant please everyone and shouldnt have to in order to be admired and popular. Just be better. Also hating kids isnt a personality. I get not everyone cares about them but dont take shit too far. They can be gross and annoying but in the end they're just... Children. Theyre learning and growing. You can only hope they bloom into decent people. Admittedly a kid tripping is pretty funny but there's a limit. If you want to portray a creep, don't do anything that endorses their behaviours. Theyre vile, remember. No kid deserves that. Work on financing too. Medicating via shopping is a dangerous road. Dont bend to social pressures (such as getting wasted because friends do if you dont want to). Vet your staff. Better ethics.

Fandom

And the fans are just... A minority are lovely. I had a HuskerDust fan be respectful of our differences and hope the best for them. But the majority I've encountered or witnessed have been off their fucking heads. Often encouraged by Viv or staff. The staff and fans are now claiming that critics are homophobic racists falsely (which implies certain races, sexualities, identities, etc are absolved of criticism - which is both favouritism and it's own form of bigotry. Hell, it's spitting on the real victims of such crimes over mediocre cartoons and digital lunacy). These same people then insult people for... being cis and straight. Firstly, that's also bigotry and a dick move on identity and invalidation, it's also false in some cases (proving folks just spew shit), it demands special treatment for identities when we're all equal and deserve to be treated with equity, it's also just... Weak. Bigots can fuck off BUT many critiques have been about inconsistency in plots, writing and design issues, etc. Nothing pertaining identity.

Fans have been hypocritical like their idol. We're all hypocritical to an extent. But the madness... Ok, Blitzo uses retard (note: neurodivergant and have right to say that word, even then it also means delay "fire retardant" as well as where I live it's not nearly as bad as another term used yet is still fine in the US.) I think this isn't an issue as it can show things or speech patterns of the character. Then fans have falsely accused critics of ableism who either havent used the word, quoting this or even have right to say it yet coddle this fictional character. This was referenced in a recent episode with Blitzo about to call another character (rumours are this nurse is autistic but I do NOT have full confirmation. Pinch of salt!) retard before retracting it as it being unacceptable to say. Blitzo really wouldnt give a shit. Likewise I feel this is one of those permanant grey areas in fiction; is it? Isnt it? in terms of using terms. Of Mice and Men used slurs against black folk, that was to reflect that time and the character's mentalities. Not an author's mirror. Likewise, it wasn't used as humour either. Coming from ONE ND, I couldn't care. I feel this is hyperfocused on over more glaring issues, as well as a benefit of the doubt (being character mindset and possibly not author projection). Feel free to have your own opinions, and I only speak for myself there. I can empathise with those who may feel more sensitive to the word (which is why Im more careful in it's use) but as someone who is also technically affected, I just... Personally dont feel too bothered. Likewise, I'm learning to hold more human compassion and flexibility to error and human flaws rather than perfect standards (again, this wont justify or absolve. And more serious things like an assault doesnt apply. It's daft this needs clarifying, it should be the bare minimal). Not everyone will agree on everything, but there's just some lines that should be a standard. I think the staff and fans overall conduct themselves immaturely, cruelly, and cause harm.

I regret in engaging in some arguments. Not worth it. I think I shouldve been more compassionate to difference yet equally not been so volatile with harassment. HunterGirl's HD discord hate on me is... Something I shouldn't have fed. Hate me, that's fine. But the fact someone so close to Viv allowed the harassment is disappointing and shitty. Bitch behind the scenes but dont go out at people. Likewise behind the scenes talk, dont threaten folk either *Viv* (at one of your ex-staff). Call someone the biggest wanker you know but there are limits you dont cross. As with Viv and co, I once hoped for improvement but I just lack faith in that now and I'd just rather stay away from it all. Too much toxicity I've allowed myself to bathe in and hatred and venom only burns. Only burns more of the same product. It's not worth it. Don't even have the skills or assets to do any good from this either. If I can't help, itd be best to support those who can help whilst staying away from the vitriol. Stick to the facts and my own integrity. It's tiring to be involved in all... this. Again, I can only speak on myself hence why I'm only saying me shit. Any vents can be done to friends but otherwise none of this has resulted in any good. And I contributed to cruelty as well. It aint right.

Friendships

Bit more personal and past. Ive made many nice friends. Friends Im still friends with now, and I thank them. With certain issues arising, theyve been the anchors to ground and account me. Real friends. Friends that deserve to be shown more how appreciated they really are. Thank you. They have guided me into better awareness and accountability. We have our own little group now for art, gaming and hopefully any other group activities. Friend stuff. We'll rant, we'll vent, but we're actually doing friend shit now. Ive hyperfixated enough on negatives. Dragged others into an abyss with me. Its not fair for them.

There is a friend here, I think they dont see my stuff anymore idk. I was warned about them. Through all Ive seen and my experiences, I wish you to get help. Get off tumblr. Get off twitter. Both can be extremely toxic as well as cultivate toxicity. Be accountable. Get help. And focus on you. I still worry for you, though I am disgusted on some of your actions. Treat the living with respect. Learn that people will try to bait you. Let go of paranoia (not easy), confront your past and grow. And please... Dont lie. Dont lie about events that occur as you're creating your own misery. Learn to step back and not be so forceful and preachy. Been there, it's not a good place. Experience a diverse crowd on a human level. And please spend some time away from the internet. People really can be pricks sometimes. Even ourselves. You're also pretty hair trigger and tempered. A bit like me sometimes LOL. Learn to balance that. Trust me.

To mates on here who Ive only spoken to here, if you'd still like to be mates, I can link you our group if you're up for group art and gaming or activities, or to another social media account to chat.

To unanswered asks, I'll try but not promise to address them. Those which ended up deleted, I can only remember the one question sorry. And the answer is Sitri. Sitri would be a good HB replacement for Stolas, he's quite the love/lust expert and a focus on men. Fun chap! I had more for this answer but again, cant be arsed with this shit anymore. Sorry.

I joined a spindle critique group. What I learned is the union from bitterness isnt solid grounds for friendship. I wont go into details as it's a private and resolved matter. I shared the full log to current friends to have a neutral and raw take. These are friends I can trust will yank my chain if Im in the wrong. And they did. They spoke of the wrongs on both sides. These are folks who are guiding me to better. Folks I have trusted with the full log, full transparency. I appreciate you both and take your words into stride daily. To old friends, I would rather friends make their own choices. I never hated you, but was hurt on this other side of you. Likewise Im sorry to make you feel that way. Im sorry to have trauma dumped (recently discovered this term, and using it to manage myself better.) There was only one individual that I was given uneasy vibes on and made that clear from the start. I tried with them. For awhile, I even started to see them as a genuine friend. In the end, we were too clashing. We didn't mesh well. My initial feeling on the situation ultimately felt true. But when I open up about home issues and emotions, I dont want them weaponised. Especially as Ive been doing some irl work to find many holes in my perspective as well as others hard work in being involved with me. Things are different now. Never felt it needed in convo, I was too fixed on my own hurt. Home was self preservation at those times. I regret opening up over some personal issues. None of this absolves me of poorly handling situations and anger issues. Near the end, I felt more wary to be more open on certain things. But I shouldve been a better friend. I never liked how catty things got. Trolled. We all just became knobs in one way or another.

My ask to remove my triggers was me hoping to do good for you. Remove a trigger that would inevitably end up being a large part of the group sooner or later, maybe this summer. Especially as I 'lacked empathy'. I thought I was doing good. I never lied about it, and feel bitter that was twisted. If I explained something, I was wrong. Kept it brief, I was bitchy. I was willing to endure a trigger if it made things easier in the group, and the situation was more than a stupid ship. Ive had triggers Ive adapted to handle better now. And public, you are not entitled to my medical history however we're in an age where youre both valid and entitled to privacy yet must breach privacy to have a voice. I have an ED. A certain word wasn't even allowed in my presence without panic and flashbacks. I was a little girl then. And I managed to slowly ease the trigger word via gradual exposure - a replacement word, spelling the word, and eventually hearing the word. It - and what it has done to me - will always scar me. But I learned to handle it better in my own time. I dont need lecturing on how triggers work. Especially when each case is unique, each 'cure' is personalised. If you want to believe Im full of shit then... Do that. Im sorry for being a shitty friend at times and Im working on that, but outside opinions (note: these are done in private spaces so all parties are anon) have noted flaw on your end too. We all fucked up. The two things below the belt were the trigger claims (hence my example of my own experiences with another trigger) and my private issues shared in confidant are the two things I remain disgusted by. That doesnt justify my frustrations, dumping or behaviour. And my example is not a pity ploy either. We're separate now, and it's best that way.

Overall, being here, in this community and fandom, has done nothing but shit. Fuelled the worst in me and others (from what ive seen in public fandom spaces). I may do art and other creative endevours on spindle, but otherwise good riddance. Even if the purge is painful.

Another friend. Im in their group too. One to improve some creative skills. Appreciate being let in there, though I'll probably mainly lurk for tips. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Wording is honestly growing harder for me each day. It's helping me start the path of better expression.

Current and future

I word shit less. Not here, as this is long overdue. But trying to sum up more efficiently. Spending more time irl to improve myself and my life. Welcoming friends who we both can hold each other accountable and support. Focusing more on stuff to improve as well as enjoy. The world is so dismal. So I spend time doing other stuff. Im already mopey enough. Sorting things to refine and focus on enjoyments. Gaining skills to help others. Experienced some personal griefs/losses. And Im learning that people arent entitled to everything. Not quite there yet but Im learning. Im often in deep pain, so cant always do what I want to get done in a day.

Most likely, I will discontinue this. Besides others have been doing a brilliant job. Dont absorb yourself. You can control much of what you get exposed to, so what you can control, make it good! Have integrity, work on yourselves. Try not to be a dickhead but acknowledge where you are a dickhead and work on that. Balance is key to a healthy mind, take the good with the not so good. Take the time to simply sit outside and observe. Appreciate life. Similarities and differences. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But have your standards. Learn. Grow.

Im in a lot of pain and have shit to do. Take care. I feel Viv, co, fans will only learn with drastics, haters need to learn empathy (haters as in stalker level folk), old friends Im sorry to hurt and equally feel hurt by. Best we've gone separate ways and moving on. Current friends I appreciate. That one person, please... PLEASE get help. Youre young, man- This shit is going to poison your very core. Make you into something shitty and cruel. And please treat animals with care. Me, still a twat but trying. Embrace truth, compassion and fairness with a firm angle. Or just avoid nasty shit.

Well, cya. Stay well. We're not going to be here forever.

#hazbin critical #helluva boss critical #criticial #end #moving on

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thesugarhole · 2 years ago

Text

thoughts from todays page readings: (it might be easier if i do it during commute but then post when im home?)

reread 49 real quick and again. i think i already wrote this so this is just me repeating myself but it will be relevant later so refresher course. as much as i love learning about captain this takes away a lot of whimsy by exposing part of whats up early on... like, youre no longer under that doubt that "is captain really nuts or is this for real the world they live in" you know?? keep some mystery man.

^feeling awkward reading this. dunno why

rubix cube chapter was so cute 🥺 im sad that thing got left behind

and again!!!! worst comic ever makes statement way ahead of its time regarding the internet!!! why does everything need to have fucking blue tooth log in connection talk directly to your brain!!! even a rubik (rubix) cube!!!! arrrgh!!!!!!

it doesnt mention annet by name but it implies that she will try and solve wishes/queries to the best of her ability (currently, think chatgpt lying through its teeth when it has nothing- when annet has nothing, she somehow creates it). nothing to note here just a detail i want to remember, "a god who answers" type of divinity

"Silly willy. Told you I am unsolvable!" I said smugly. Just then, something impossible happened. My User twisted me in 4 dimensions. "That's amazing!" I shouted. "I can't believe you've done it!" I didn't know Users were designed to operate in 4-dimensional space like this! "Hpmf" Charles said, not looking too impressed. "Well, that was surprisingly easy." "No! Charles! You don't understand!" I cried. "You can operate in 4-dimensional space! You've solved an impossible riddle! Something, within you, makes you simply incredible!" In this very moment the ropes holding us up snapped and Charles dropped me. When he let me go, I fell out of 4-dimensional synch into regular 3-dimensional space and all my 6 sides became discorded and unsolved once again.

sorry to squeeze the text to not make too long a post but

type of mysteries i want to hold on to for a little while longer ^

now that we know captain isnt bullshitting its even harder to be on snippys side on anything about anything because again. hes just some guy. he has no business knowing about any of this and he has yet to see it in action so why should he believe what captain says you known. needlessly frustrating the reader!!

"Are these children made up like the needy children to whom you and Pilot keep trying to gift my things to?" He asked, tapping his foot angrily. "All of the children I speak of are real, I assure you!" I said. "I doubt it," he huffed. "You're seriously the most absent-minded GIRL I know. Where would you even be without me?"

me at vitaly right now im going to fucking snap. stop doing this and let snippy perceive captain as Undefined. i get hes a Camone but good lord i dont think he would be this stubborn about this particular topic with everything else going on. like. captain allows it but it implies the reading of "zee got tired of correcting everyone" IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. and again i got extra beef with it because it definitely feels like backtracking on the nonbinary character to try and make a more main fronting hetero couple which grrrrr.

(...) There are monsters all around that will eat you if I don't protect you."

loss of whimsy (once again) in romantically only text because we know snippy isnt really doing anything other than survive. :( also more instances of snippy/captain being heavy handed in rewrites, i definitely dont remember any of this conversation when i first read the comic

listen its fine. its fine IF, ONLY IF both snippy and captain get this type of romantic dialogue with everyone else because 1. (and not to be a stubborn old mule about it but) reading this as '3 (+117) extraordinary people trying to get affection from 1 boring guy' makes it a lot funnier and engaging 2. you have to love something so so much to try and save it and since captain is trying to save whatever humanity is left in the world zee should be in love with the other guys just as much

^ its far from canon but it would be so fun, i genuinely mean this

"Do any of your organs feel infinite?" what an absolute deranged question to ask someone even with context. yes. now THIS dialogue i like

"Me and my wonderful coworkers, Goodness rest their weary, tuckered souls…"

numbers one through six are dead?? it makes sense i cant even begin to put an image to any of them sdjhgkj. captain considering eight a daughter though is kinda cute i wont lie

"I didn't fix the li..." I started to speak. "Good job on fixing the power here. I'm going to the bathroom," Charles rudely interrupted me again. I watched him depart from my table with a frown. Why was he so G-damn obtuse about things? My explanation was perfectly legible. Everyone else understood me just fine. Especially Pilot. Pilot understood what I was doing right away.

okay listen. im pilots number defender here. and!! as i said before he is VERY!!!! SMART!!!!! even with AFTER being PINEAPPLE BOMBED and ANNET DISCONNECTED!!! but im not sure to what degree he actually understands what you (captain) have going on and instead is just going with the flow of whatever you say. like he has background context, he knows about the stuff annet/g-dir was up to. but if he didnt know about this zero-eight business, which is parallel (and hidden from the public?) to a degree, before The Events then i dunno, might be a "why not, what else am i doing today" type of situation. you get what im saying? does this make sense?

Alas, I was too late. Charles had bumped into the lovely burrowing-worm in the bathroom entrance and then he started to scream.

points and laughs

#'OH GOD WHERES MY GUN' snippy moments #reading romac #sugar.txt

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years ago

Note

not to play devil's advocate bc fuck that anon, but i don't think they were bitching about the destiel scene per se so much for the context of it, and the big romantic implication that we were waiting for was just a throwaway sex joke from a demon that we've heard the likes of so many times and it.. doesn't really move their relationship anywhere. i hope you understand.

Yeah, I do, when you’re not aggressive about it (thanks <3)…

I just feel like that anon’s aggressiveness was entirely about the sense of being promised an entire scene and then lashing out and blaming me/the fandom/the show?? for promising them something huge and taking their generalised disappointment/overall anger at the show and bundling it all into using this as the scapegoat for their anger. If they had just taken a mo to read those tweets again it came across fairly clearly to me that it was a single line and also one that was in the category of whoops and cheers and laughter from Jensen rather than “awww”s and other less bawdy reactions. The thing is that those spoilers weren’t hyping it up as anything more than what it was, and knowing now full well that it was a single line, re-read those tweets and it’s very clear that they were reporting faithfully on the moment while trying not to spoil it. Especially all 4 together in that post, which was the most popular I saw circulating, and I feel like anon in particular seemed to have been waiting for an entire scene and somewhere or other got very hyped up for something that no one had promised them from any of these 1st hand reports. Seeing the tweets again reminded me I had the anon in my inbox and I got pretty pissed off that they got so annoyed about it when I was taking another look at the spoilers with all the context… I just, like, really hate speculation and spinning enormous narratives like gold out of straw.

I didn’t really talk about the moment itself, but, yeah. It isn’t anything new - Dabb has even written 3 years ago an almost identical scene with the angels taunting Cas with the implication he and Dean are boning, but this one made the connection absolutely clear for the audience, with no leaps whatsoever to connect what he was saying to Destiel, vs it being Dean’s phonecall that set that angel to threatening to cut off Cas’s junk. And we’ve gone a pretty long time since that level of taunting. I’ve always liked that 7x23 was the last time we got a “he’s your boyfriend” for a pretty hefty stretch of Carver era… I’m actually struggling to remember if there ARE any direct implications in seasons 8 or 9, and then in 10 we get the “Deastiel” moment in 10x05, and the deleted boyfriends argument in 10x14, and overall Carver era is extremely low on these implications and ‘jokes’ compared to Gamble era. I DO think the direct implications without any actual representation or canon sucks especially because these heap up and up and up in the ongoing annuals of Dean n Cas implications which are starting their 10th full year now. Like, interesting as they are on a meta level and for rolling along with the story having fun etc, cumulatively they suck when that’s as visible as it gets.

I do think, though, that in general this line would have been treated with a lot more fun if it hadn’t been spoiled at all because even sensible people like yourself can build up an expectation that the line might not be another one of these, just out of hoping for the best/giving the show the benefit of the doubt. Like actually maybe it could be someone calling Cas on his feelings (like 13x04 and the Empty accusing him of having some secret love, which was profound rather than teasing and a whole other category of this stuff minus the whole har har it’s funny that you might be gay together thing which for me hands an enormous amount of leeway to the snide comments from bad guys as it creates the weight to the relationship which makes it more than something spun from nothing but needling from villains who think its a joke, whether they seem to believe it or not). So I do get the hope that you can build up that it might have been something else, even against the spoiler than Jensen absolutely cracked up at it (which to me, knowing how he laughs at these things in general, was really the thing that made me guess it was going to be pretty much what we got but I know I apply a lot of lowest possible expectations to thinks just to protect myself).

Being bitter and cynical about it without proper mental upkeep in the direction of positivity can be really wearing. *I* can be cynical because I don’t mean it as wank and I know I still love the show etc etc so I’m prepared for the event without it coming across as disappointment… But that’s a strong mental wall I made and I know not everyone wants to/can/thinks we should have to do that. I sort of feel ALL media can be disappointing or not what you were after and basically only stuff you make yourself and a rare few creators will scratch the exact thing you want without issues. So I don’t feel it’s weird to allow SPN leeway to do sucky things so much as it’s the thing I’m most invested in so I have to be a lot more clear about them, while if other media lets me down in some way I am way more casual and roll with it easier to start with. And with SPN being heavily invested for so long, I’ve weathered SO MUCH outrage over these things and worse and less that something like this is very easy for me to soak with my mental armour and take on the chin and see it for what it is in the first place and so on without having particularly bitter thoughts when I immediately divine what type of line it will be from the spoilers. It’s not a “oh it will probably be garbage gay teasing” it a much more gentle reaction, knowing that I’ve already watched this far knowing the show does it so one more instance is just another for the record books.

I mean there’s a feeling of collecting the show’s sins and weighing its heart when all is said and done in the future when the show ends. But that’s extremely morbid so I don’t linger on that part of this sort of disassociative permissiveness to the show’s nonsense :P

Anyways. It’s good to be excited about the show but when it comes specifically to wild destiel spoilers I do think this fandom seriously needs an overall better filter to decide what will truly happen, and there’s no one person to blame, it’s a mindset and we very easily get carried away, and I’ve had to learn the hard way that I need to set myself as a rock in that river and let it wash past me. And not make hard lines of saying not to get enthusiastic for ANYTHING because oftentimes spoilers about Dean n Cas working together or chilling together DO turn out to be really good and in no way should we approach the episodes like we’re going to be attacked, because that’s where bitter stan fandom factions come from. It’s so complicated, and I really was trying not to say anything about it but then I got frustrated and it’s hard to be completely perfect about keeping quiet on annoyances… :P

I don’t know what the tl:dr is here.. I don’t blame people for getting excited, for sure. But maybe just for lashing out at others when they don’t get what they want and are really incautious. The original anon conjured a whole scene up they wanted, not just a line, and that to me is the perfect example of fandom spinning straw into gold with hype, and something I really can’t stand and at that point I start to say there IS a personal blame/responsibility. Peeps who weren’t THAT irrationally expectant and then proportionately furious after are cool and I wasn’t blaming anyone else >.>

#Asks #14x01 #wank for ts #riverboat gambling

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iturbide · 7 years ago

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(holy shit nine Morgans) Thank god he came home, take good care of your Chrobin family! Tbh, I don't really understand the IVs thing, so I never know if my units are good or not, it just matters that I love them <3 Everyone is hyped about Alfonse on that outfit and all, sure who am I to deny that he looks damn fine on it, but I'm just glad that he and sharena finally have some love from IntSys. What in the world is this Green Hell since the Valentine's banner omg

yeah i got a lot of morgans =v=

Trust me I fully intend to take good care of my Chrobin families I’ve put Chrom on the training team (and swapped out one dancer for M!Robin just so they can hang out and boost ally support levels while Chrom’s leveling) so come Friday he’s going to be powering right on through.

But I totally agree we’ve gone a year without having any ability to upgrade our resident Askrans in any way, shape, or form beyond upgrading their star ratings, they deserve some attention since they’re arguably our main ‘Lords’ for this particular FE iteration! I’m really glad they’re getting some alts, especially considering that some people have four (I find it hilarious running into Lucina Emblem Arena teams but seriously spread the love around).

…green hell indeed though. On the one hand I’m glad we’re getting more greens since they tend to be the units we have the smallest representation for, but on the other hand since so many of them end up as 5* summons only you’re still running a terrible risk of getting 4* and 3* units you really don’t want. Please, IntSys, do something about this.

But oh oh I can explain IVs under the cut so hopefully it doesn’t bother anybody that doesn’t want to read my long-winded rambling:

So as a preface, to the best of my knowledge, IVs are mostly important in the metagame (Arena/Arena Assault, occasionally Voting Gauntlet match-ups but only if you’re insane and running level 40s). They have significantly less bearing on the regular game and are far easier to manage if you have less than ideal ones. So ultimately, as far as I’m concerned, loving your units regardless of their stats is the way to go and it’s pretty much how I operate at all times.

Moving into the explanation, though - every Hero when they’re summoned has a set stat line-up. You might notice when you summon two of the same Hero that their stats are slightly different: that’s because they have different IVs! While every Hero has a neutral stat line-up, others will have a slight increase in one stat, coupled with a slight decrease in another for balance. At level one, this appears as just a one point difference in their overall stat line-ups (or two, if you happen to be looking at one hero with a boon and one with a bane in the same stat, like I’ve seen with my many many Morgans, one of whom has 22 attack and another who has 20).

Ordinarily, a boon will add 3 points to a given stat when the Hero reaches level 40, while a bane will take 3 away; however, some units have superboons and superbanes, which add or remove 4 points from a given stat. Some Heroes have it set up where most of their stats run like this: Lissa, for instance, has superboons for both attack and speed and superbanes for HP, defense, and resistance (New Year’s Takumi is actually like this, too; go figure). Generally, this is only important in the Arena because it affects your base stat total (BST) and therefore Arena scoring, but if you’re not a super-competitive Arena person then it’s not hugely important.

Now, while it is primarily important in the metagame, there are a few situations I’ve run into where stats kind of do make a difference in the regular game, weirdly enough. Examples include:

If you ever do promote a healer to 5* and get their weapon upgrade, suddenly their attack becomes important because the stave+ variants use attack to calculate the amount of damage you heal. While there is a default minimum that they’ll recover (7 for Rehabilitate, 8 for Physic, 15 for Recover, etc.), these numbers can inflate drastically when you have a healer with an attack boon. I have a +attack Elise I’m using in Tempest Trials now who’s running a Recover+ staff, and this little monster consistently heals 30 damage (double the minimum) because of the calculations involved and her particular boon.

During the Valentine’s banner, I hilariously managed to roll a neutral IV regular Hector instead of the Valentine Hector (rip me – he came later though so it was all good). I figured I might try training him up a little since my original Hector is +speed - defense to see if he’d work on either my Arena team or an armored team…and lo and behold he got quad hit by Klein and KOed in the Training Tower. I was flabbergasted. And at that point I swore I was never using a Hector without +speed unless Wary Fighter was involved.

Speaking of Hector the Protector, +speed is kind of hilarious on him. Turns out it’s a superboon for him, putting him at the same speed as M!Robin at neutral (the mental image alone of a giant armored knight jogging along and keeping pace with my scrawny blue mage is amazing). This can mess with a lot of things, especially if you buff his speed on top of it, because he’s not getting doubled consistently and can even double certain slow units on his own, like Reinhardt.

As for M!Robin, while my +10 powerhouse is +attack -HP, my first 5* promotion that I used for a LONG time was actually +attack -speed (which made him slower than Hector because it’s a superbane, and the image of my scrawny blue mage getting outstripped by the giant armored knight is arguably even funnier). This really didn’t bother me for a long time because with breaker skills he remained an utter powerhouse and I really liked the +attack for extra damage output; however, during one of the Voting Gauntlets, I happened to get teamed up with another M!Robin who had neutral speed, and he was doubling units that my boy could never dream of handling unassisted. The 4 point speed difference was suddenly a lot more relevant, so I kept my eye out for an M!Robin in my summons without that speed bane and finally rolled the one I have now as a 3*, promoted him, trained him, and he’s been glorious ever since (I usually keep swordbreaker on him at this point because speedy swordsmen are everywhere).

If you’re ever curious what kind of stats your Heroes have, this is the site I usually use to check mine out! It updates regularly with new Heroes, has datamine info when updates roll out, and has been generally really helpful for me, especially as I work on some of my favorite characters (for cases where I have multiples, it’s good for figuring out which is the ideal candidate to merge the others into; alternatively, it’s good for choosing who to give up for skill transmittal, like I did last night sending off my -attack Siegbert to give my M!Robin Attack Tactic).

And this has been my long-winded explanation of boons/banes thank you and good night day

#answered #the-fangirl-arrived #fire emblem: heroes #i don't think as much about boon/bane unless i'm picking 3/4* units to promote #or if i have doubles who i'm going to use consistently #i rolled a +atk -hp ike a while back and i'm thinking of trying him out #i love my neutral ike he's been with me forever #but sometimes the little things do actually make a difference #it'll be a weekend endeavor

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teatotally · 8 years ago

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I've just been rereading some of your wonderful longfic and you write such good action i'm so envious, especially Don't Wait Up for Me. Someone said it was cinematic and I think thats a good description. Whenever I try to write action I just can't or it doesn't seem very good, and I wonder if you have any advice as a writer and editor about how to write action scenes, or just any writing advice in general.

First, I have to apologize for taking so long to respond; it’s been hard to get back in the swing of things after surgery. Second, thank you so much for the lovely compliment, and I’m so glad you liked Don’t Wait Up for Me, because that’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever done.

To your question: I sometimes feel like I could write a book, just based on the sheer volume of crap I read for my job and the way all these things pile up for me, but there are hundreds of writing advice books out there, and some of them are even actually good so no one needs another one. :-D But I think there are some specifics to writing action, and in particular action within fanfiction, that are fairly unique and not always addressed in tutorials.

When I’m copyediting fiction especially, I often find my attention wanders or my eyes glaze over because of flabby or weak writing, and that’s just death for a scene where people are supposed to be doing stuff and hooking the reader. The same mistakes kind of pile up and up, and this is pro published stuff. Fan readers are pretty forgiving mostly, but a lot of these issues have an unconscious effect on us, we forget fics that could be memorable because we skimmed over stuff that should engage us.

Years ago at Slate, I copyedited a book review that made me laugh, because it was a lot of these problems in a nutshell:

His writing is riddled with clichés that are daily struck down by conscientious high-school teachers. The characters always think “for a moment,” as if a sustained thought is impossible in the Wagnerian world. “Silence” plagues the pages, and it often “follows” speech. The thunder claps “Whrromp!” Every glance is recorded, for no discernable reason—everyone is “looking” or “focusing” all the time. The faces repeatedly “light up.” People don’t smile—they “start to smile"—and they do things “a little,” even if much happens “all of a sudden.” Here is a typical passage: “Liz started to smile, then started to say something, then thought better of it. Her smile faded for a moment, while she seemed to concentrate on a thought.”

That’s the kind of writing that can just utterly kill action scenes. So what would I tell you to avoid that kind of stuff? :

1. Use strong verbs. If you can do one thing, it’s to use strong verb forms and avoid constructions with lots of to be verbs and -ing forms. If you consistently use five words where you could use two, readers can tire or tune out without even understanding why they do that. I read a lot of otherwise good stuff that just wears me down with the “he was going to have to” and “she was starting to think” and “he’d been working in” and “I’ll be needing to” or what have you. It doesn’t seem like much, but pages of that can drag your prose down fast and tighter forms can help–”he had/wanted/would have to” and “she thought (ran, cried, etc.)” and “he’d worked in” “I need to” and so on. Even in this paragraph, you’ll notice I’ve used mostly stronger verbs, not many helper words.

A lot of fan writers don’t edit themselves after writing, and this is one area where it shows the most. We tend to want to share our stuff right away, get some fannish love, or we have to hit a challenge deadline. But if you want to write better action scenes, reading over your work to find those places where you could tighten the verbs can really help. (When we speak, we might say, “I’m going to be reading over my work and finding weak verbs.” Totally normal. But in actual writing, punchier forms like “I will read over my work to find the weak verbs” are livelier, and that really adds up in action.) I spend the bulk of my fic time looking for places where I can use one or two words where I wrote five or six in the initital stage of getting it all down.

2. Omit needless words. Most editors I know respect, but don’t use, Strunk & White’s Elements of Style, because it was written by prissy old white guys and pointlessly fussy. But this one is advice that many of us would agree is pretty useful, and in an action scene it can be the difference between eyes glazing over and a rapt reader. It’s heavily related to the first point.

There are some writers I love but who frequently put me to sleep with that five or six words where one or two would do issue. But it’s not only verbs where you see it. Speech is less formal, not carefully constructed or edited, so in dialog it’s not as bad, but when describing movement or setting, the tighter the focus, the easier it is for your reader to get caught up in the action scene. You’ll often hear writers lament certain words they use a lot of–just, really, sort of, a little, etc. We all have those tics, and it’s worth it to search and replace, because those add flab to the writing. They’re not inherently bad, and I don’t like discouraging new or learning writers from perfectly fine words (I have a HUGE rant about the “never use adverbs” bullshit which I’ll spare you), but it’s always illuminating how much we can undercut the action with a lot of filler words. It took me years to break myself of the habit of using finally, for instance, and now when I notice it I always ask myself when I edit if I really need it. Is everyone doing things just “a little”? I slice it out.

3. Vary your sentence structure and length. This is another thing I see a lot of with newer writers, where their sentences are often constructed in the same way (”Steve walked into the machine. The doctor injected him with serum. Howard was turning his machine on. Then Steve screamed and Peggy was yelling to shut it down.”). That’s an overly simplified example, but it’s stultifying. Action scenes tend to require shorter, choppier sentences anyway to make them dynamic, but a steady diet of that will put you to sleep. Including some details, using different types of words, playing around with clauses and phrases and listening to the cadence of what you write can really enliven things. Where can you combine two sentences, or three?

4. Punctuation is your friend. This isn’t (only) because people are picky about punctuation: you’d be amazed at how punctuation can affect the pace of an action scene. Like, I see writers frequently add commas where they don’t need them, which once or twice, no big deal, but sentence after sentence where you’re taking that comma pause as you read can really grind the pace down. Fanfic isn’t academic or severely formal writing, and there’s nothing wrong with people punctuating how they hear things in their heads, but it can leave the reader frustrated or confused, and with action that might not be the desired outcome. Missing punctuation, or using the wrong thing, can trip people up and throw them out of that big action set piece, or fatigue them.

I see it a lot with commas around a little, just as an example, where you don’t need them, and if you’re a writer who qualifies every action with that (”Steve smiled, a little”) it’s amazing how fast those add up. Em dashes (aka long dashes, double dashes) are a wonderful tool, but if every sentence has them, that slight pause can get frustrating, particularly if it’s in the middle of something that should be fast-moving.

5. Blocking. Make a little movie in your head, block it out. Know where your characters are at any given moment, whose hand is where, that sort of thing. (You can do this after you write the scenes, so you won’t bog yourself down in self-censoring.) Many people suffer from White Room Syndrome, where they can’t see any details about their world and everything happens in a white room—I always told students that if they did, then watch movies or TV and steal details and world-building from them, or just use stuff in your own personal life. But try to imagine it and block it out once you’ve written down the basics, so that your reader can follow along with you and see where the action is taking them.

Those are the main things I can think of off the top of my head. Whenever people compliment my action scenes, I realize most of that’s probably due to my ruthless self-editing in fic: I edit the fuck out of action segments to tighten, tighten, and then tighten some more. There are a ton of good grammar and writing books out there; one of my favorites, especially for beginners or people who aren’t sure about things like English-language punctuation, is Diana Hacker’s A Writer’s Reference. And practicing, examining what the writers you admire are doing, looking at your own work and seeking out constructive comments, can be so helpful. Fandom’s got a really rich group of people involved in creating fanworks, and many of them are willing to help you learn stuff or share their knowledge.

#writing #action and adventure #writing is hard #writing tips #it's a curse to be an editor #professional editor problems #the only worse hobby is vidding #ask me stuff

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alvarezcharles · 5 years ago

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How Win Your Ex Wife Back

#Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Wondrous Cool Ideas #How Your Ex Boyfriend Back

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