#i js Had to write abt this tho like i HAD TO

[geombyu]

SHOULD'VE DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY

summary: your last time with your beloved.

pairing: husbang!nanami x gn!reader

wc: 0.4k | warnings: nanami isnt in malaysia (hes dead)

genre: short lived fluff before angst

The last time you saw Nanami was on October 31, just thirty minutes before 7 pm. 

Your husband grabbed his tie from the table—he was supposed to be done for the day and was already preparing dinner as you changed from your work clothes, but they called him for an emergency.

This wasn’t rare, it happened on the night parade of a hundred demons too. Still, you were slightly upset that he had to go so abruptly.

You hugged him and gave him a short peck on the lips, “Love you, be safe out there ‘kay?”

“I love you too, and in case I’m late coming home, please don’t stay up like last time,” he sighed, recalling the time you were still on the living room couch at four in the morning because he was out on a mission. He could tell you were just a few blinks away from completely blacking out, and he was correct because right before he could tell you he was home, you fell asleep.

He carried you back to your shared bed, tucked you in, and changed before laying beside you, hands holding you with so much care.

Waking up to find yourself in bed, Nanami’s arms still wrapped around you securely with a soft smile on his features will always be your favorite memory.

“You better be quick then, and knock them out with your extremely strong punches or whatever.” He laughs.

“I can’t promise I’ll be quick, but I promise I’ll be back.”

He hugged you one last time before going.

If you knew that you’d lose him forever that day, you would’ve never let him go. You would’ve held onto him tightly and selfishly told him to just stay, to quit being a sorcerer—quit risking his life every day and just move somewhere without the stress and noise of the city already.

But you didn’t know anything.

So completely oblivious to what would happen to the love of your life, you let him go.

Nanami Kento broke his promise and never returned, instead, the next day Shoko was the one who knocked on your door, head hung low to tell you the unfortunate news.

You wish it was just a joke, that Nanami was actually just there and he was waiting to jump out and surprise you, but no matter how long you waited, he never appeared. No matter how late you stayed up waiting, he never came back to scold you.

You cry despite not having any tears left at all; maybe this time he’ll come back to comfort you.

Maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to glue the promise back together.

© geombyu

[steeltwigz]

Saw a post abt the Sonic movies that was like "plz filter negativity posts better" which is GOOD AND TRUE you should be doing that. Ok. But then they kept going to imply that the criticisms of the Sonic movies are all entirely Personal and Ignorable and not like. Usually abt the horrific copaganda, misogynistic writing, and Paramount's disgusting zionism.... Guys a lot of ppls problem w the Knuckles show wasn't JUST a bastardization of Knuckles' character or thinking Wade was annoying or whatever, but like was focused on the grotesque Zionist message from that one episode 😭😭😭 you can enjoy something and still recognize that it has intrinsic and huge glaring flaws and talk abt them. I think actually you Should be speaking up abt the misogyny, zionism and propaganda the SCU supports and discusses, ESPECIALLY if you like the movies! Its important to be able to recognize these things in media and admit that even media you personally enjoy can be deeply problematic, instead of hiding it away and pretending those HUGE FLAWS aren't issues actually....

[b0mblover]

It’ll be Okay in the End

By: J

cw; selfharm, generally negative thoughts, blood (etc everything that comes with sh)

lopt essentially has a silent breakdown and mason comforts him or smth idk im not good at summeries,

[Note; this was wrote out of my own desperation for comfort, not romanizing sh, i do not encourage or believe anyone should do this to themselves, seek help.]

i uh, actually had a easier time writing this than most things, probably because ive been essentially replaying this whole scene in my head for literal years! i for once wasnt upset when i wrote this, i was very tired tho! uh i have alot more to say but hawaii part ii lopt is taking over my brain again, so im gonna go do that! have fun with my depressed 100% projected loptson ig!

•

lopt was in ‘his’ so called room, scribbling away at some paper,

mason was rather concerned, hearing frustrated noises constantly, what sounded like pencils breaking,

they had been “partners” officially for 3 months now, mason had always cared about lopt to an extent, partner or not, but this was… odd.

sure lopt had his own life, hobbies, but he didnt care to keep /that/ much from mason, especially whenever he asked,

but, this was different.

lopt had came home from wherever the fuck he was- hell if mason knew details- annoyed, he stormed off to some room, when mason tried to ask what was wrong he only blew him off saying that “its none of your fucking business, you wouldnt get it anyways”

•

lopt was scribbling away in his notepad, despite being a god and literally being immortal, he still couldnt force creativity to come to him,

it was his fifth time trying,

most drawings resulted in poorly scribbled out lines,

he had went out to try and get inspiration for “some project” though he didnt really /have/ anything to work on, starting a new drawing always seemed to be a block for him,

he sat down his broken (6b) pencil, (rather violently but he didnt want to acknowledge that) and got up, he knew somewhere in him, that he needed a break, he walked out of his room to get water, but his mind wouldnt leave him alone,

constant thoughts about how awful his art was spewed around

“youre not “talented”, youre worthless”

“itd be better to quit now”

“just rip up the damn papers, theyre ugly anyways”

“imagine- you could just go and alleviate all this pain, just with that knife-“

he tried to push down his thoughts,

grabbing a cup from the cabinet and filling it with water,

the knives in the butcher block seemed so… tempting,

most of him /knew/ that he shouldnt- that it was wrong, that mason would be disappointed- disgusted, if he found out about his thoughts,

but, he couldnt help it,

all memories of the nights he got up from their bed to take part in something that would disgust his partner made him sick.

questions runned through his head as he sipped on his water, leaning onto the counter

“would he be sad?”

“would he care?”

“would he call me names?”

“tell me how pathetic i am?”

“leave me?”

“would he hate me?”

“tell me how ugly my body is”

“tell me how he hates the scars”

“tell me just how much he despises me”

the voices grew louder wither every question,

saying that he wanted mason to hate him,

that he did hate him,

in the very back of lopts mind, in the tiniest corner, he knew it all wasnt true, that he was being dramatic over nothing,

but even then, the memories of all the times he loved someone- all the times he didnt question if they hated him, what they all said to him,

he felt like doubting himself was the only way to have them not leave,

to not abandon him,

he took a deep breath before sighing, realizing his cup was empty, he decided that he had enough of a “break” and that he needed to start “working” again,

•

mason was sitting on the couch, some random tv show playing for background noise, when lopt wasnt “there” it was almost too quiet, in a way, mason had grown to love how loud and chaotic the house was with lopt- even if thery were the only two people in it.

he seen lopt walk into the kitchen for around 8~ minutes before he trudged his way into his room once more,

he didnt know excatly as to what lopt was doing,

granted whatever it was had to have been important, he didnt usually spend 3+ hours in a room alone silently, it started to make him worry, was lopt sick? just why did he seem so upset when he came home? is he okay? did he hurt himself?

•

lopt sat down at his desk once more, staring at the scribbled page, a sphere, he couldnt figure out how to shade it properly on the background,

he sighed turning his attention to the top left drawer,

he stood up walking over to his dresser, pulling out another drawer, he took out a roll of bandages, and some tissues, 

he knew that he shouldnt, that it was essentially pointless, that hed feel better soon enough,

but that fear crept back up,

“what about last time you didnt? remember? it got only worse because you didnt”

he rubbed the sides of his nose bridge, the voices were annoying, they knew that he was gonna, even without the encouragement.

he sat back down at his desk, sitting the tissues to his right and the badages to his left before pulling out the left hand drawer,

he rummaged through it, various miscellaneous items, before coming across a box,

a red box, seemingly quiet old, with yellow letters reading “do it” on the front,

he took one out, ‘unwrapping’ the razor blade,

straight edge,

he stared at it, contemplating just what hes doing with his life,

“i cant draw, i cant write, i cant make people happy, i cant make music, i can only recite the tales others have told, im worthless, im doless, i will never amount to anything or anyone in my life, god or not, human or not, this is deserved, if i cannot create, then i at lease deserve to bleed”

a mantra he told himself, attempting to poorly justify his actions,

•

mason listened at the door, hearing nothing, no pencil, no walking, almost no breathing, he didnt know everything about lopt, sure, but he knew that he didnt look well off, and what boyfriend would he be to his partner if he wasnt concerned?

they had an unspoken rule to always at least knock before walking into the others space, granted they had seen every part of each other, it was just a courtesy they had, 

though, something felt off,

mason felt as if he shouldnt knock, that lopt was hiding something,

all those sleepless nights where lopt comforted him abundantly, he had felt him get up, a few times he had caught lopt in the basement, he didnt know just what he was doing, he always hid something,

he didnt want to break any boundaries sure, thatd be rude and disrespectful, but, he had a weird feeling in his gut that it was for lopts own saftey,

“please forgive me for this” he muttered to himself,

sharply inhaling before opening the door,

simply greeted by lopts back.

•

lopt heard the door open, he had three lines going diagonally down his right arm, bleeding, he fumbled the razor, dropping it onto the floor, it had gotten rather dark by now, so it probably wouldnt be seen, he attempted to get the tissues, he had always been a great liar,

“ill just say i accidentally cut myself, if he asks what i was doing with a weapon, ill deflect and say i was being stupid”

it seems like he fumbled the tissues for a bit too long.

“hey”

mason said over his shoulder,

he moved his left hand to cover the cuts,

“o-oh, hey, whats wrong?”

“hm, well, i mean nothing? i guess, what are you doing?”

“i- you guess? is something the matter?”

mason had noticed he was oddly covering his forearm,

“you ignored my question.”

“huh?”

“i asked what youre doing.”

masons tone sounded alot more pissed off, granted he wasnt, just concered more than anything,

“o-oh i um, ok dont laugh but uh- i was trying to draw”

“and why are you covering your arm? are you hurt?”

“i- huh? wh- no, no! i uh, may have also been playing with a blade and accidentally scraped myself, nothing much”

“let me see”

“what?”

“let me see your injury”

lopt was taken aback, all of his previous partners never asked to see his wounds, scars sure but never his wounds, even if they werent self inflicted, he was shocked, he hadnt planned for this.

“i- i assure you dear, it isnt anything to worry about-“

“let me see it. are you hiding something?”

in that moment lopt felt small, like a child almost, weak, helpless, he didnt know how he could get out of this without mason either finding out or being suspicious of him.

“i- here”

lopt moved his left arm to mason, there were a few small cuts on it, though rather old looking,

lopt moved his right arm off the table, into the shadows to not call attention to it.

“uh huh, now the other?”

lopt seen his eternal life flash before his very eyes.

his mind went on autopilot and raised his right arm, he usually would fight but, he knew itd be pointless, mason would just worry more, thus making him keep a closer eye on lopt, he didnt want to feel selfish, not like that,

“oh my, i- oh my god,”

mason was shocked, he had suspected that lopt had hurt himself in the past, granted the scars,

but, he didnt think he still did it, sure the weird behavior, but it never really dawned on him until that moment.

.

mason had brought (more like dragged) lopt to the bathroom, running the slits under cool water, putting pressure to hopefully get the bleeding under control, he opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out another roll of bandages,

he stood behind lopt washing the blood off, still slightly in shock,

“why?”

“huh?”

“why do you do this?”

masom questioned, fully aware of the long list lopt was about to give out,

“i- well, i dunno..”

lopts voice trailed off before starting again,

“i mean, i dont even know why i do this, it just feels good? like i can do something right? it makes me feel like im not worthless”

mason hummed for a second before choosing his words

“do you feel normally that youre worthless?”

“i guess so, i dont know why, i have the best boyfriend, my life is great, i just dont know..”

“mmhm, what were you trying to draw?”

“i dont know. does it matter?”

lopt shot back

“well, you seemed frustrated at it, so im sure it’s important to you yeah? so then it’s important to me”

mason brought his hands around lopts wrist, rubbing it slightly attempting to calm him down

“i- i dont know, i just, i feel frustrated, so i tried to draw, but drawing makes me feel more frustrated, so i did this- an- and n-now-“

lopt began to stutter, tears swelling up in his eyes, mason had only seen him cry on a few occasions,

“shh- shh its okay, i know what youre saying, breath, okay?”

lopt inhaled deeply, feeling masons left hand move to wipe the tears away,

he didnt even know why he was crying,

mason bandaged lopts arm slightly tight, 

“shh, now, you wanna talk about this? or wait a little bit longer to calm down?”

“c-calm down”

“alright alright, shh youre okay, see?”

mason lead lopt into his bedroom, taking lopts hand under the covers as he had done for him every sleepless night,

lopt could feel his eyelids starting to droop, the warmth of his boyfriend comforting him, the love of his boyfriend comforting him,

he shoved his head into masons chest, finding it to be the most comfortable spot out of the entire bed,

mason ruffled his hair, slowly stroking his hand on his neck,

“y’know, you may be a god,

and you may be immortal, but,

ill be with you for as long as you need, in this life and after”

lopt didnt respond, just slightly nodded his head before burrying it deeper into masons chest, 

maybe tonight wasnt so bad after all,

spending time with mason- no, his boyfriend, was never bad.

lopt faded in and out of sleep, trying to fight the melatonin being produced, just to feel the sweet touch of his boyfriends skin, before he completely felt himself drift away, he heard him speak,

“I love you, i love you so much, never forget that, in this life and the next, ill always love you, lopt.”

[midnightwrriting]

can you write about reader and patrick finding porn on arts laptop or phone and it js being a bunch of different guys calling girls mommy and stuff like that. reader and patrick then make it their mission to get him subby enough to say it and when he does he’s so embarrassed, reader is nice abt it and finds it cute and hot but patrick is mean abt it even tho he also finds it so hot 😮‍💨

I really like the idea of art being all submissive it makes me giggle.

Warnings : 18 + threesome, fingering (f receiving) mommy kink, handjob... I think that's all?

Patrick zweig x fem reader x Art Donaldson

Patrick and you were borrowing Art's laptop for some random reason. Art was at his last class of the day. You rested into Patrick's side as he snooped. "What are you doing" your voice laced with questioning. "Just seeing what our boy Art has been up to" he types some websites and quickly links are being pulled up. His iconic smirk laid on his face. "there we go" he clicked a video Art had visited often.

In the video it was a blonde guy submitting to some girls. Begging, whines and crying out. "Mommy please" could be heard on the speaker. "Holy shit" You laugh out of shock. "Now we see what our little man is into" Patrick clicks on other videos and the same thing happening.

You and Patrick sat there for twenty minutes finding everything Art had booked mark. "We need to get this little shit to call you mommy" Patrick looks at you with his smirk. Your stomach turned at the idea of him calling you mommy. You knew he was submissive but didn't know how far it went.

At that moment the door opens and Art walks in. You watch him as Patrick quickly turns everything off setting the laptop to the side. "Hey" you softly spoke. Art was tired so he had fallen onto the bed between you and Patrick. His arms hung over the both of you. "Someone have a hard day" Patrick teased. He started laughing see art smash his face into your lap. Your hand in his hair.

"We can make you feel better" Patrick leans down to the blonde ear. Earning a moan from him. "Want us to make you feel good?" You ask softly squeezing his back. "Please" Art mumbles out. Patrick looks at you and smirks "do it" he mouths.

Art moves so he's facing up. You lean forward and grab Patrick's face kissing him. He grabs your throat holding you, his tongue danced in your mouth. Spit mixing together. Art watched below whining, feeling his short get tighter as he felt his dick twitch. Patrick groaned into your mouth when his dick twitched as well.

Your hand laid on Art's chest slowly inching down. Now on his stomach, pushing his shirt up lightly. His hips buckled when he felt your fingertips on his skin. You broke from the kiss with Patrick. "You like that?" You asked he only nodded his head. His hips buckled into nothing. His pants rubbing on his creating friction. "Yes yes" Patrick smirks looking at art fall into your trap. He grabs his face turning him to him  leaning down he meets the blonde boys lips. Your hand run down Art's pants palming him through his underwear. He moans into the kiss with Patrick. "Feel good huh?" Patrick says in-between the kiss. Art breaks the kiss to look at you biting his lip as your hand grasps him.

Patrick leans back palming himself as he watches you tease art. "Go slow" he demands. You look up at him with a smirk, you match his pace as he places his hands in his pants. "Please I- I need more" Art voice is broken and whiney already.

"You want more?" You loom over him throwing a leg over him. Patrick follows you sitting right behind you over art. "Come on beg for it" his hands run over your body as he looks at Art.

You lift your legs up pulling Art's shorts down Patrick throwing them across the room. Your moth waters seeing Art's dick. All hard and wet for you. "Please y/n please" you took him your hand his hips buckled pushing you and Patrick up.

Your breath hitched as you felt Patrick take a hand and push your shorts aside. His fingers tracing your entrance. "Stay focused" he said sternly. Your head fall back for a minute as you squeeze art in your hand. "You like my fingers huh? Such a slut" you moan out grinding your hips.

Art grips your hips watching you and Patrick his dick twitching in your hand as you run it up and down him. Both you and Patrick look at art smirks on your face making art whimper. He feels his body trembling at the sight of you both. The pleasure in his stomach building up, he was close, everyone could tell.

Patrick speeds up his fingers the feeling of you squeezing him makes him groan out. "That's right ride them" you look at art moaning. "Beg me to cum" you lean forward your hips grinding into Patrick's hand.

Art looks at you with pleading eyes. "Please please y/n let me cum I'll do anything" His chest falls up and down his body craving the release. "That's no good enough" you hiccup your words feeling your own release. "Beg me" your voice sharp and airy.

Arts hip buckled up once more throwing his head back he snaps. "Please mommy please let me cum I'll be good mommy" he's so lost in his head, feeling your hand pump him he doesn't realize what he said. Patrick leans into your ear. "Let him cum"

You and him both pick up the pace art let's out a loud moan. His dick twitches in your hand as he comes. Patrick grabs Art's face making him look at you as he does. "That's right cum for mommy" he smirks as he makes you cum right after Art.

It's quiet for a moment as you and Art come down from your high. Patrick removes his hand from your shorts bringing his fingers to his mouth he groans at the taste then looks at Art. "Mommy" he says. Art looks at him his face flushed with embarrassment.

"I didn't I didn't-" art starts to stutter his words feeling like he shouldn't have said it. Your eyes meet his "shhh it's okay you're okay" you cup his face and lightly kiss him. Patrick watches you rolling his eyes. "Oh don't puppy him. He might like it too much" he laughs at himself. You snack him but turn back to Art. "You did so good for me" you coo him he leans into your touch feeling better knowing you aren't mad about it.

Patrick moves to lay next to art and smiles. "That's was hot though" everyone smiles and looks at each other the room feels hot. Everyone already ready for some more.

[ssparksflyy]

hello! can i request jason grace or leo valdez x child of hypnos reader ? (gn) 🫶🏻🫶🏻

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

jason grace dating hcs! ٩(ˊ〇ˋ*) ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

pairing: jason grace x child of hypnos!reader warning(s): none!! js fluff :) a/n: i love children of hypnos, u stay sleepy ! also me writing this running off five hours of sleep ( the most ive gotten this week ) yikes..

mr gets up willingly at six am nd his sleepy lover ♡

there are times where u literally have to beg jason to go back to bed cause omfg what r u doing. its six am. no u r not going to go run. no the early bird doesnt get the worm. go. back. to. sleep.

hey nd most times it works cause the thought of holding u close and a sweet sweet dream is enough to get him back in bed

but other times noooo he goes running 🙄

what is bro running from? sleep???

omg but then literally knocks tf out by like nine

one of the times when you had a sleepover planned together

you were running a little late cause ur cabin's ac wasnt working nd everybody was tweaking out

so you had to stay behind and help fix it

by the time you finished and ran over to cabin one , jason was already passed out nd lightly snoring 😭

mind you it was like 9:15 pm

its ok tho u were tired asf too , who knew fixing the ac could be so hard ??

he apologized sm in the morning tho

but u were like its okay el oh el

he cant help it bro he needs his sleep almost as much as he needs you

its better that he falls asleep early than stay up super late tho

cause like when he was helping plan out the new cabins, it was impossible to convince him to go to sleep

he wouldnt stop working nd u were like 😠 fool 😠 go to sleep 😠

nd he was like no thank youuuuu ♡

so you used your powers on him cause he hadNT SLEPT IN DAYS

u were both mad at each other in the morning and things were painfully tense

but you sat down nd talked it out like mature ppl ♡

he srsly hates fighting, he already does it with monsters nd shit so much, he doesnt want to do it w you :(

he apologized for being ignorant and promised he would be better about taking care of himself instead of burying himself in work

you apologized for using your powers on him without saying anything first, and promised you wouldn't do it again ( unless its necessary ) :))

to this day, youve still kept your promises ♡

jason is SUCH a sucker for when you touch his hair

the most relaxing thing everrrrr

i will die on this hill ppl dont play w me

his hair would be soft asf bro

best believe he uses a good conditioner !!

he lets u play w his hair nd do wtv u want with it cause like ~relaxing~

so best believe you have a 0.5 of him with all his hair tied up and looking like a palm tree

0.5s of jason would literally be flawless asf but scary

cause ur like omg by bf is so cute- god DAMN somebody get this man contacts

he looks amazing but THEM EYES

terrifying. staring into ur soul.

theyre cute tho ♡♡

you OBVI have matching pjs

i cannot decide if jason would go to sleep w just pj pants nd no shirt or if would have light blue and white striped pants, a button up shirt, slippers, a cap with a little fuzzy ball at the end, nd a candlestick

jason grace is a SPECTRUM OKAY

but he buys u so many plushies ugh

you own so many jellycats im so jealous

he helps u name them nd their literally ur children like

u have matching build-a-bears !!!

the voice memos are messages u made for each other :(

his to u is a quick ramble about how much he loves u but gets cut off cause he only had 20 seconds ♡♡

nd u get matching outfits for them!!

urs is named 'sleepy' and his is named 'sparky' ♡

i feel like jason gets some real bad nightmares

like yea every demigod does but he gets his more frequently nd their more graphic bcs of what he's seen and gone through :(

most of the time they arent even messages from his dad, theyre just really bad flashbacks of horrible times in his life

but ever since you started spending ur nights together, theyve toned down so much

now he even gets dreams abt your future together sometimes :((

he really wants to tell you about those dreams cause they feel so real but hes scared that youll think its weird or get uncomfortable

little does he know you get those exact same dreams ♡

and on the same nights as he does...

CAUSE UR MEETING IN UR DREAMSSSSSSS

nd thats how ur dad shows his love to you !

zeus doesnt gaf. wtv we dont like him anyway

i mean sometimes hes like erm gtfo my cabin 🤨

but doesn't actually do anything

u literally dont care for anybody's thoughts tho cause you bagged a baddie as sleepy as you ♡

an two: ik i didnt talk abt sleepovers together but like ive got a jason fic called sleepover (thats also gn!) if u wanted to read that :DD but i hoped u enjoyed and have a good day/night!! GO STREAM THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson ♡

[dovveri]

could you love me while i hate myself?

synopsis: y/n, nayeon, momo, and sana are in a polyamorous relationship. momo walks in on y/n self-harming for the first time in 7 months. they all try and talk and work through this together.

warnings: we got depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm (cutting), blood, sexual references, cursing - also this is poly!namosa if ur not into that but i love getting comfort from everyone i love so

w/c: 6.9k

a/n: sooo i wrote this in a day bcs im utilising my #depression as inspiration and lwk we love writing as a coping mechanism - i’m so fine tho i just need my meds to start working again LMAO and they will vvvv soon trust - but in the meantime i can pump out the sad stuff hehe! lwk forgot abt boo and dobby until like halfway thru writing this IM SO SORRY #fakefan and i wasn't bothered to write them back in so they js don't exist here oops!

⸸

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. the thoughts were coming. you wake up hazily, dream forgotten, arms wrapped around nayeon, legs entangled with the three people you loved most in the world. you don't deserve them. shut up!

you shut your eyes, trying to will away the thoughts. they were always there, always in the back of your head, always nagging, telling you that you didn't deserve to live, that you were a worthless piece of flesh born only to cause others suffering, or born with no purpose at all. there's no point to it all. just die. they'd be better off without you. they'd be happier without you.

you feel tears prick the corners of your eyes. it was so loud. you needed them to be quiet. to return to the depths of your mind. you curl in closer to nayeon, trying to breathe in the scent of her to distract you, feeling sana's breath on your hand, listening to momo's soft snores, they were the only thing grounding you. they pity you. that's why they've stuck around for so long. they know if they left you you'd break. they don't love you. it's pity. they'd be happier together. just the three of them. they didn't need you. you needed them. you were a burden to them. you need to leave so they can be happy. you want the best for them don't you? SHUT UP.

you couldn't take it anymore, you slowly unwrap yourself from your girlfriends. slipping your arms from around nayeon's waist and pulling your legs away from the mess of limbs. you look back at them, sleeping peacefully, watch their chests rise up and down with each breath, it's bittersweet. you had so much love for them. you turn around again and slip out the door, closing it softly behind you.

you pad softly towards the bathroom, entering it quietly and sighing, looking at yourself in the mirror. dark circles under red eyes, messy hair, disgusting. look at you. how could anyone love you? the thoughts were louder in the bathroom. almost echoing off crisp white walls. your grip on the sink tightens, you tear your gaze away from the mirror, letting your tears fall into the sink silently. why did i have be born like this? born like this? honey you're not different. everyone else is able to cope fine with trauma, with all the shit that happens in the world. you're just weak. weak, crying little bitch who can't deal with a couple sad emotions. don't think you're special. you're not. why can't i feel normal? you're not normal. you never will be. you'll always be that weird kid on the playground that no one wants to play with. grow up and get used to it already. why won't you leave me alone? i can't leave you alone. i am you. you are me. we're stuck together.

your head's splitting, you don't even realise you're crouched in on yourself now. hands gripping your head, nails digging into your scalp, anything to try and stop thinking. you wish you could just go back to sleep. sleep was easy. you didn't have to think when you were asleep.

that's right. sleep. sleep forever. run away from your problems. that's all you'll ever be good at right? running away. you ran away from your parents when they found out you were dating not one, not two, but three girls! whore! you left your brother and sister with them. they probably got the brunt of their anger. or maybe not. maybe they hate you too for being a fucking disappointment. it doesn't matter. they don't care about you. you left them. now leave your girlfriends. it'll be easier. leave. leave. run. do it.

your lip is trapped between your teeth. you're biting down so hard it draws blood. you're rocking yourself on the floor of the bathroom. pathetic. all you do is cry. grow up already. you can't take it. it was too much. you needed- needed-

you're reaching for the loose tile you know is second from the towel rack, opening it and finding your stash of emergency goods. you had meant to throw it away you just kept avoiding it and now... well you needed it now.

you take out a scalpel, go into the old routine of cleaning it down with an alcohol wipe, the motions that are familiar to you helping you drown out the thoughts already. they're still there though. they were always there. you'd be lonely without us wouldn't you? you actually enjoy being mentally ill don't you? take some sort of sick pleasure in it? is it comforting? it's easy to fall back into old habits isn't it?

once it's clean, you can see clearly again. you remove your pants, spreading your legs and look down at the scars that decorate the insides of your thighs. you take a breath, clearing your head as best you can, and bring the tip of the scalpel to start a new line.

the immediate relief when the blade enters your skin and you watch the scarlet liquid pour out of you is incredible. you're like an addict, drinking in the pain and using it to clear your mind. suddenly, the only sound you hear is the quiet of the bathroom and your own shallow breathing. you've never felt more at peace.

but it's only temporary. like everything is only temporary. seriously? this again? is this the best you can do to try and get rid of me? we talked about this you idiot. you're never getting rid of me. because we're the same. you just made yourself even uglier. congrats. good luck getting your girlfriends to ever touch you again after they see those.

fucking hell. you can't help it when your hands move to the start again, just under the new line you've created. you're about to push in again when you hear a gasp.

you look up in alarm, bloody scalpel in your hand, fresh cut on your thigh.

"m-momo."

"y/n- what-"

"it's not what it looks like i swear- fuck- oh my god- mo- please-" you're scrambling, trying to pull up your pants and cover yourself, dropping the scalpel onto the floor with a clang.

she's on you in seconds.

"no no sweetie it's okay i'm not- it's okay it's okay-" she's pulling you into a hug, and you start sobbing.

you're burrowing your head into her neck, sniffling and crying, she wasn't meant to find out. they were never meant to find out. now you've done it. good luck keeping them now. no way they're going to stay with you after this. better breathe her in while you can because she won't be yours in the morning.

you're squeezing her tight, crying and blabbering into her and she lets you. hushing and brushing through your hair, pressing light kisses along your forehead.

when she starts to pull away you panic, shaking your head against her, terrified she's leaving you and this is it.

"no sweetie i'm not going anywhere. i promise. we just gotta clean you up okay?"

she pulls away from you gently, opening the cabinets next to the sink to grab the first aid kit and comes down to sit next to you.

your sobs have ceded but you can't bear to look at her, staring down at the ugly scars on your legs.

"can i?" momo makes a gesture towards your legs and you shrug, moving closer to her so she can work.

she's quiet when she cleans the wound, focused.

you idiot you stupid fucking idiot. she hates you she thinks you're so gross and-

"do the others know?"

you don't trust your voice to speak so you shake your head.

"is this why you never let us touch you?"

you blush bright red, gripping the bottom of your shirt.

"you know we wouldn't have judged right?"

the tears are coming back, you feel them building up in your neck again, clogging it up, choking you.

"i'm sorry if we made you feel like we would have." momo's voice breaks then, and you look up. momo wasn't one to cry. sana tended to be the more emotional one, nayeon and momo cried too, just less often and definitely more private, momo just took a little longer to come to conclusions sometimes.

"y-you didn't." your voice is croaky when you speak up.

she sniffles a little, finishing cleaning and grabbing the bandages.

"a-are you mad?"

she sighs. "not mad. just... confused."

"i-i- i'm sorry. i'm sorry i didn't tell you guys i didn't- i thought you would think- i thought you might leave or think i'm too much or i don't know i-"

she finishes wrapping the bandage around your thighs, looking up at you then, her eyes shiny. "i could never leave you y/n. i love you. all of you. you, nayeon, and sana are my family."

you're crying again now, hands coming up to wipe at your tears. she gently helps you put your pants back on then pulls you into another hug, breathing shakily as she lets herself cry as well.

you cling onto her shirt, the confirmation that she was still here and she still loved you grounded you.

you both sit on the bathroom floor there, tightly wound around each other. you memorise the way her breathing comes in and out, focusing on the little hiccups, every single movement. it was quiet.

she pulls away from you, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, thumbs swiping along them. "do you want to talk about it?"

you shake your head.

"do you want to come back to bed then?"

you think a little, "i might sleep in the guest room tonight. i don't really... it's not that i don't want to sleep with you guys, i just-"

"is it okay if i join you in the guest room then?"

you look surprised, "why?"

"it's okay if you don't want me to. i just want to be with you if that's okay. to make sure you're safe for one, but also just because..." she sniffs, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear gently, "i love you and i want to make sure you sleep well."

the tears well up again. "of course. it's not you i just- i don't want sana and nayeon to find out like this."

momo nods, pressing a gentle kiss onto your nose, "i understand. do you want anything before bed? water? a snack?"

you smile tiredly against her, still in a sort of disbelief she was still here. "i'm okay. let's go to bed."

momo nods again, standing up and pulling you with her, but she stops again suddenly, looking down, "does it hurt?"

you wince, "not really. i mean the point is kinda for it to hurt." your eyes widen when momo frowns, "but it doesn't! not anymore i mean. i kinda got used to it." her frown deepens, "i mean no not like that! like- well yes- but-"

"it's okay y/n. i want to know these things. if you're okay with sharing them." she's sincere when she looks at you, and then she's pulling you along towards the guest room. your heart drops a little when you pass by the master bedroom, thinking of nayeon and sana sleeping peacefully inside, wrapped around each other blissfully unaware, but momo squeezes your hand and you look back towards her, following her into the guest room.

she turns on the lamp light and starts removing all the extra pillows and everything that were only really there for decoration. once she's done, she starts ushering you into bed and you laugh a little at her earnestness, "you don't have to treat me any different momo. i'm still the same person."

she frowns, climbing into bed after you, "i just found out about a massive part of your life that you've been hiding from us. you're not the same person to me. not when i've only known half of you."

you still at that, unable to look her in the eye as she fumbles around with the blanket, covering both of you and then sliding an arm over your side.

"i'm sorry." you whisper once she's turned off the light and snuggled in close to you.

she takes a breath, "you don’t have to be sorry. i'm here now. i'm sorry it took me so long. but i'm here now. and i'm not leaving."

"even if i'm not the same person to you anymore?"

she finds your eyes in the darkness, "y/n i didn't mean it like that. i fell in love with half of you. i just found out there's another half that i can also love now. you're the same person, you just have more to you than we knew. and i want to know more about that so i can be a better girlfriend for you."

"you already are a great girlfriend."

she sighs, a hand trailing down your back, drawing random shapes, you curl in closer to her.

"i wanted to throw it all away. i wanted to tell you all. i just-"

she hums, letting you think out your words, continuing to trace patterns into your back, eyes locked on yours.

"it was hard. and i didn't think i'd need to say anything because i was doing good. i hadn't done it in so long. i don't know why today i just- i lost control again."

"y'know nayeon would say just because you haven't done it in so long doesn't mean you were better. it just means you stopped thinking about it but that didn't get rid of the problem. which is why eventually the problem came back."

you smile at her, poking her cheek, "you've been hanging out too much with nayeon."

momo whines, "we're girlfriends! of course i hang out with her!"

"you're right though. i'm sorry. i stopped cutting when we all started dating. i think i got swept up in all the excitement and the love but once the novelty wore off and i grew more comfortable with being in a relationship with all of you, some of the bad thoughts started to come back."

"what sort of bad thoughts?"

"...like that i'm not good enough for you- or that the three of you would be happier without me, or that i don't want to... that i didn’t deserve to live or that it’d be better if i wasn’t- y’know… alive-"

you can see the shine in momo's eyes and feel your own start to well up again while you talk. she lets you speak though, just lays there, stroking your back softly while listening to you.

when you're finished its quiet save for the occasional sniffle from either of you.

"do you still think that? that you're not good enough for us?"

you hum contemplating whether to be honest or to try not to hurt her, you decide you’ve hurt her enough and it was time to be honest, she was still here after all, she wasn’t going to leave you, "...yeah."

she's pressing her lips gently against yours, barely there, almost as if she's asking permission, and you press against her softly back to say yes. you can taste the salt of her tears in the kiss, its short, reassuring. you break away with a tender smile.

"i can't speak for the others. but i don't think we could work if we weren't the four of us. you know that sana and i tried to date when we were younger right? and it didn't work out? because we always felt like there was something missing. but once we all got together, it feels right to love each other like this. i think it'd be the same if you left. i think it'd feel like something was missing and i wouldn't be able to stay either. i'm not saying that to pressure you into staying like a 'if you leave i leave' kinda thing. i'm just saying that you are needed in this relationship and i don't think we would be happier without you, i don't even think we'd work without you, without any one of us."

god you didn't deserve her. you loved her so much.

"and the other stuff... we don't have to talk about that now but... if you're open to it in the future, i want to help you find some outside help if that's okay? you don't have to answer me now, just think about it, because i want to help, but i don't think we can do this alone."

you nod, lips quivering while she smiles at you, noses touching.

"thank you momo."

"of course sweetie. i love you."

"i love you too. so much."

she pecks you again, then places your hand over her chest, and you can feel the calm thumps of her heart.

she closes her eyes, lips only centimetres apart, you follow her lead, focusing on the feeling of her heartbeat rather than the thoughts, letting that fill your head, and slowly, you drift back into sleep.

⸸

you wake up with a dull sting on the inside of your thighs. you curse internally when you realise that it was because you had self-harmed for the first time in months. but then you feel a familiar hand tracing lines down your back, and the smell of soft peaches and you recall that momo had found you cutting yourself. but the way she's tracing your back means she's still here and she hasn't left and that you're still okay.

momo realises you're awake, moving her hand to your hair and brushing the pieces that have fallen over your face. "hi sweetie."

"mm morning. what time is it?"

she giggles a little, "its 5pm actually. i didn't want to wake you. nayeon and sana should be back home soon."

you startle, "what?! 5pm?! where did they go? did they-"

"shh shh no it's okay. i woke up early and made everyone breakfast. when they came in they asked where you were. i told them you slept in the guest bedroom because you weren't feeling well. they wanted to see you but i told them to let you rest. i don't think you should hide this from them for much longer though y/n."

you sigh, relaxing back into her embrace, "i know. i'll tell them when they get back." you can feel the anxiety beginning to chip away at you as soon as the words leave your mouth. you'd thought about it before in the past, about how they'd react. on the worst end of the spectrum, they'd leave you, thankfully momo hasn't done that yet. and realistically you don't think nayeon and sana will either. but there was always that fear in the back of your head. it was more likely that sana would feel hurt and start crying and nayeon would get angry that you didn't trust them with the information. both of which you didn't really want to deal with because you didn't want to cause any of them any negative emotions. but if you didn't tell them, it would mean forcing momo to keep a secret for you and have her constantly go around on tip-toes while worrying over you. it wouldn't be fair and you’d essentially be self-sabotaging your own relationship.

momo breaks you out of your thoughts when she uses her hand to rap lightly against your forehead, "what's going on in there sweetie?"

you shake her off giggling and she smiles, "nothing i'm just thinking about how to tell them is all."

"do you want me to be there?"

you look up at her, her eyes are sincere and caring, you could stare into them for the rest of your life, "yes please, if that's okay with you."

momo squeezes you against her even tighter, planting a kiss on your forehead and murmuring against it, "of course it's okay with me. i'd love to be there."

you smile against her, reminded of your eternal gratefulness and love you have for her, before your stomach starts to growl and you pull away embarrassed while momo starts to laugh that adorable, contagious laugh of hers.

you whine, climbing out of bed as she toddles along behind you, still laughing when you enter the bathroom.

you pick up your toothbrush and start to brush your teeth when you notice that the bathroom's been cleaned up since last night. there's no more blood on the floor and you look briefly over at momo who's standing on that tile looking at you carefully, the hint of a laugh still on her face.

"youscdonthaftawatchmeyknow."

she giggles when some toothpaste dribbles out of your mouth, tilting her head indicating she didn't catch what you said.

you spit out the toothpaste and repeat yourself, "you don't have to watch me y'know."

"i know."

you squeeze some of your facial wash into your hand, staring at her in the mirror when she doesn't move, still looking at your reflection with a gentle smile.

you shrug, closing your eyes and beginning to wash your face. you go through all the motions of your morning routine, and when you finish up and turn around to wipe your hands on the hand towel, she's still standing there watching you.

you clear your throat, leaving the bathroom and moving towards the kitchen. you hear her footsteps padding along behind you.

she overtakes you once you reach the kitchen, going towards the fridge and pulling out a few things. you sit at the kitchen benchtop and watch her reheat a few dishes that she must have made for breakfast and lunch.

"where did nayeon and sana go?"

"to the shops. we were meant to go check out that new bakery together in the city but i figured may as well let you rest, we can go another day."

"oh crap i'm so sorry i forgot! i would've woken up i'm so sorry-"

"it's okay sweetie don't worry. they were both fine to reschedule, they were more concerned about you than missing out on the bakery."

"why didn't you go out shopping with them?"

"i wanted to stay home with you."

"i was asleep."

momo hums, taking the food out of the microwave, "i didn't mind. here." she sets a bowl of sundubu jjigae in front of you and then goes to scoop out a bowl of rice from the rice cooker as well. you spent a lot of the last 24 hours crying but you can't help the tears that well up in you again at the smell. this was one of the first dishes momo made for the four of you when you moved in together.

"do you want me to feed you?" momo's joking as she slides the bowl of rice over, but when you look up at her and she realises you're crying she quickly panics, "i mean i can! if you want!" she's frantically rummaging for a spoon and scooping out some rice and stew and holding it out to you.

you laugh, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve, adoring the way she tilts her head like a confused puppy in bewilderment, a small pout appearing on her lips.

you lean up and take the spoonful into your mouth, chewing and swallowing before leaning across to peck her on the lips. "i just love you is all you idiot."

momo blushes and you take the chance to grab the spoon from her and start eating the meal yourself.

she pouts and is about to whine when you both hear the door open, the telltale sign of keys jangling and the happy chattering of your other two favourite people in the world.

"momo! we got that ice cream y/n likes but i still don't think it's a good idea for her to eat it if she's sick!" nayeon's yelling from the door, probably taking off her shoes and you can hear a short squeal and something crash followed by laughter and you know sana has probably knocked something down or fallen over.

you raise your eyebrows at momo who shrugs and grins sheepishly, grabbing nayeon and sana's mugs and filling them with water.

when they come into the kitchen all loud and giggles its a sight for sore eyes. nayeon's kissing momo hello and setting the bags of shopping they have down. sana rounds the corner with more bags and that infectious smile. you loved all of them so much.

nayeon spots you first, frowning and walking over to you immediately, placing the back of her hand on your forehead. "hey baby, sorry to hear you weren't feeling well last night. are you feeling better now?"

you blush, nodding your head, your mouth still full of food.

sana's next to bound over to you once she's kissed momo in greeting as well, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head, "we missed you today. i got you this top i think would be really cute on you though! and momoring we also got you one of those draw-on shirts but we thought we could turn it into a date or something so we have four!" she's rummaging through her bags, producing items of clothing and talking about each one with her endless energy.

you swallow your food and look up at nayeon who has a fond smile on her face while watching sana, when she notices you looking at her she smiles and leans down to brush her lips against yours.

"wait... you're not sick with anything contagious are you...?"

"what if i was?"

she's squealing, running behind the counter before momo laughs and hands her the mug of water she filled and urging her to drink it. she also passes sana her mug who kisses her again in thanks.

you hum in content, happy to be around the people you loved most. its almost as if... they'll leave you. you don't deserve them. this is all temporary. don't get comfortable. you clench your spoon a little tighter, trying to will away the thoughts as you shove another spoonful into your mouth, focusing on the taste and the love behind the person who made it for you.

"-and i almost fell into the fountain and she just stood there and laughed at me!"

look at them enjoying themselves. you’re the odd one out. the one who’s about to break everyone’s happy mood.

you can make out nayeon's cackle, "in my defense! it was pretty funny! you had all your bags and everything and you threw your phone at that little boy!"

"wait sana you did what?"

you should just leave. leave them. look how happy they are without you. all you bring is sadness and anger. you can’t give them anything they’d want. what could you offer them?

"momoringg!! don't join her in this! he pushed me!"

"yeah because you were trying to steal his girlfriend!"

useless. hopeless. there’s nothing you can do. you can’t get anything right. not your job, not your friends, they’ll realise soon enough you know? that they’re better than you. that they’re too good for you. then it’ll be them leaving you. do it first before they realise that and break your heart.

"i was not!"

"that definitely sounds like you actually."

"y/n! you're on my side right?"

you look up in a daze, confused at what the context of the conversation was. "sorry?"

momo's frowning, trying to meet your eyes but you avoid her, looking at sana who's pouting, "were you listening? are you okay y/n?"

"y-yeah sorry i was just- just thinking about something. can you tell me the story again?"

suddenly sana's all in your space, basically climbing into your lap and cupping your cheeks with her hands, squinting at you. "what were you thinking about?"

you blush immediately, "oh y-y'know, just work."

"work's more important than me?"

"no sana i didn't mean it like that i'm sorry. of course work isn’t more important than you. can you tell me the story again? i'll listen this time i promise."

sana hums, nudging her nose against yours gently, "i'll tell you if you tell me the truth."

"what truth?" you feign indifference.

you can tell nayeon is looking at momo, asking for an explanation with her eyes but momo shrugs, turning away and going towards the sink to do the dishes.

"we've been together for 7 months y/n. and i've known you for much longer than that. i can tell when you're lying honey."

you gulp, clutching the spoon tighter with your hands when you feel someone else, nayeon, unwrap your fingers gently and take the spoon away, interlocking your fingers with hers instead.

you stand up quickly, unable to be interrogated at such close distance anymore. sana looks a little hurt when you do, pouting but letting you go. you look at nayeon who's eyeing you with a concerned curiosity. momo still has her back to all of you with the tap on but you can tell her shoulders are tense.

you rub the back of your neck in nervousness, avoiding all of their gazes. "u-um... i actually kinda... have something i needed to talk to you all about..."

you can feel the anxiety ramping up, the adrenaline and urge to run away pumping through you, your palms beginning to sweat.

momo saves you when she turns off the tap and wipes her hands clean, "let's all go to the living room and have some ice cream and we can talk about it yeah?"

you smile at her gratefully and she returns it, grabbing the ice cream nayeon and sana just brought back and a few spoons and bowls.

nayeon and sana exchange looks of confusion but help momo bring the utensils over and eventually you're all sitting on your couch in the living room with the television on for some background noise so it wasn't too awkward.

you fiddle with your hands, not looking at any of them while the random sitcom you have plays in the background. momo notices and grabs a hand, intertwining your fingers and squeezing gently, reassuring you that she was there.

you take a breath, clearing your throat and looking up at nayeon and sana.

"so i- um- i don't really know how to say this-"

"it's okay baby take your time. it's just us right?"

"yeah we're not going to judge you honey. we're here for you whatever this is okay?"

you take a shaky breath in, mumbling incoherently to yourself before deciding, "u-um it's probably a bit easier to s-show you." you let go of momo's hand and start to undo the tie at your pants.

"um... y/n if all you wanted was sex i think there were other ways to-" momo slaps nayeon who yelps, rubbing her arm where she was hit mumbling a "what?" but momo shushes her and gestures back to you.

you stand up and drop your pants, immediately feeling the cool breeze against your naked legs, shivering a little and fighting the urge to cover yourself. you stare down at your feet when you hear the little gasps. you decide to start talking, refusing to look up, "i'm sorry i made momo lie to you. i wasn't sick last night. i woke up and started thinking some… not so great things and i needed it to stop so i- um- i went to the bathroom where i hid some of my old stuff and i um- well-“ you awkwardly gesture at your thighs before continuing, “momo woke up and found me after the first cut. i would’ve kept going if she didn’t find me. she helped me clean up and bandage it and then i asked to sleep in the guest room because i didn’t want to um- i wasn’t ready to uh- to tell you guys yet- i’m sorry for keeping this from all of you for so long.“

when you’re done, you risk a glance up, and find the three loves of your life, tears running down their faces.

sana’s the first to move, she gets up and practically jumps over to you, but she stops short right before you touch, “c-can i- c-can i hug you?”

you smile at her, feeling your own tears well up at the sight of your three girlfriends crying. “of course darling. i’m still the same. i still love cuddling with you.”

she doesn’t give you a second thought and buries her head into your neck, wrapping her arms around your waist. you realise you’re still standing in the middle of the living room with your pants down which is a little absurd but you wrap your arms around her, sagging into her a little when she squeezes. you can feel her soft crying and the tears wet your neck.

nayeon stands and comes around as well, a little hesitant but you look at her and offer a wet smile and she breaks, enveloping the both of you in her arms as well with a muted sob. momo joins in as well because of course she does, you look at her gratefully as she sniffles, fiddling a little with her fingers before coming around behind you and moulding herself to your back, hands coming around your waist and holding onto sana’s hands, giving them a squeeze for reassurance as well.

you're surrounded with all the love you wanted. so why do you still want to die? you don't listen to that voice, pushing it down and trying to stay in the moment. eventually, someone breaks away, and you awkwardly shuffle your pants back on, glad to be able to cover up your scars.

nayeon speaks up first, a hand still holding yours, squeezing gently, "how long have you been... y'know-"

"since before i met you. the thoughts started getting really bad when i was still in high school. and all the pressure with doing well and all the extra curriculars i was picking up, it just got too much. the only thing that worked was the pain. it got me through high school, and i started to rely on it. but then... the first time i slept with someone... she was appalled. i had almost forgotten the scars were there until my pants were off. she got scared off and i told myself i wouldn't let anyone else see this side of me."

"baby..."

"it's okay. it got better after i met you guys. and when we all started dating i stopped. i felt happy." you smile up at your girlfriends, tears still streaming down your face, "being with all of you made me forget those things. but they came back. and worse this time because- because i have so much more to lose now. i can't- i can't lose you-" you can't control the sobs when you break down again. pathetic.

the girls are surrounding you instantly, whispering reassurances, brushing through your hair, tracing shapes into your skin, you try and focus on your bodily sensations rather than your internalisations, try and focus on them.

"we'd never leave you honey... we're not complete without you, you believe me right?" sana's tilting your face up to meet hers, her eyes are watery, nose red.

"i'm trying to believe you."

she places her forehead against yours and closes her eyes, sighing slightly, "i'm going to tell you that everyday from now. that i love you and that i'm not going anywhere. until you believe me." she smiles and tries for a joke, "you're going to have to deal with clingy me for the rest of your life."

you let out a broken laugh, kissing her sweetly. "i love when you're clingy anyway."

she laughs as well, wiping at her nose.

you peek at nayeon. you know she has more questions, the frown on her face and the little pout she has breaks your heart. you reach a hand out to her, she takes it after some consideration, and you pull her into your lap.

"you can ask anything. there's nothing off limits. i'll try answer everything i can and i promise i'll be honest with everything. that goes for the both of you as well." you look over at sana who's moved to your side to allow for nayeon to sit on your lap, she's got a hand on the eldest's waist, playing with her shirt, her other hand on your shoulder.

momo moves to your other side, lifting nayeon's legs and placing them on her own, tracing her calves and brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

nayeon's biting her lip, you focus on the small mole under her left eyebrow.

"w-why didn't you tell us?"

you sigh, "i didn't really think i needed to at first. because i hadn't done it in so long. i thought i was better."

"is it because you thought you couldn't trust us?"

"no baby that's not it."

"why did you keep your old stuff hidden then? when we moved in together? a part of you must have thought you weren't entirely better."

you bring a hand up to caress her cheek, she leans into the touch. "you're right. i'm sorry."

"is it still here?"

you look towards momo for an answer and she nods, "i didn't want to throw everything away. i wanted you to make that decision on your own. i thought that if we forcefully got rid of your things you might just try and hide it from us the next time the feelings come up. it's there but i... i don't really like the idea of leaving you alone y/n..."

nayeon's squeezing one of momo's hands, "pretty baby's so smart. i'm thankful you found her momo."

you nod in agreement, "is that why you kept following me around?"

momo nods shyly, her eyes still wet.

"i'm okay with that. i don't- i don't really trust myself right now either. i think it'd be good if someone was with me. if that wasn't... a burden or anything of course..."

sana jumps in, "honey no. you're not a burden. i hope you don't think that about yourself. i love taking care of you. i'd love being able to be there for you while you get better."

you smile at her gratefully.

"what are some of the bad thoughts you have baby?" nayeon's bringing your attention back to her, you can tell she's struggling to formulate these questions. but you're glad that she's asking them.

"a lot of it is about you guys. because you're all the reason i'm still here today."

"what about us? what can we do sweetie?"

you shake your head, looking down at your hands which are quickly taken ahold of by momo and sana. "i guess it comes down to... wondering if you can still love me while i hate myself." your grip tightens around their hands.

"you hate yourself?" nayeon's voice is shaky now, she's trying her best to hold back her emotions, wanting to find out everything she can do for you.

you nod, tears dropping onto her pants.

"there's this song. i think- i think it might be easier to play that for you guys if that's okay? i'm not really- i don't really know how to talk about this..."

they nod and quickly try and find your phone. momo finds it and hands it over to you. you quickly unlock it and search for the song you're looking for. could you love me while i hate myself - zeph.

you press play, clicking into the lyrics and staring at them to avoid looking at your girlfriend's reactions. it's a short song.

could you love me while i hate myself?

could you love me though i don't deserve it?

could you love me like there's no one else

even though you know i can't return it?

could you love me when the water's rough?

or when i leave you in a desert?

could you love me, though i speak with knives?

knowing all to well that you'll get hurt

if you can't answer 'yes' just go

i'm more trouble than i'm worth

could you love me while i hate myself?

because i don't know how this works

i never learned how this works

when it ends, you awkwardly tap out of your app, putting your phone down.

"thank you for sharing that baby."

you hum.

nayeon takes a shaky breath in, then quietly asks, "is it okay if i sing for you?"

you're surprised, looking up at her, her eyes are red. you nod.

she closes her eyes, humming a note to start, taking a breath in again and steadying her voice.

i'll love you while you hate yourself

i'll love you because you deserve it

i'll love you like i love us together

until you're ready to return it

i'll love you when things get rough

no matter where you leave us

i'll love you even when you're

working out all your thoughts

i'll get hurt if it means

some of your pain comes onto me

i'll love you while you hate yourself

and we'll figure out how it works

together we'll learn to get better

when she finishes and opens her eyes, you're sniffling again, tears streaming out of your eyes.

sana's the first to speak up, bringing her hands up to wipe at the tears on nayeon's cheeks, "our little musical genius. of course you came up with a response exactly on pitch after listening to a song once."

nayeon lets out a broken laugh, leaning into sana's touch.

you meet her eyes, a bright smile gracing your face, and you probably look a little silly, wet cheeks and red nosed with tears still dripping out of you, but nayeon laughs again in relief, coming in and kissing you.

you kiss her back gratefully, trying to convey how much you loved her in your action. you can feel sana's hand on your arm and momo's fingers in your hair. you loved them.

the thoughts are still there. you think they’ll always be there. but you don’t have to take them on on your own anymore. it would take time, but the people you loved were going to help you through it. you needed to put some trust in them as well, trust that they wouldn't leave, trust that they loved you just as you loved them, you wanted to get better, for them and for yourself, you believed you could get better with their help, for now, that was enough.

⸸

an extra a/n bcs its important: hi! i recognise that all experiences are unique so i just wanted to say the descriptions here aren’t meant to be generalised and i didn’t intend to write any stereotypes or misconceptions and i apologise if i have - i try to draw upon my own experiences to be able to write - in saying that i hope that anyone who feels they relate to similar themes etc seeks the help they need from professional sources - my dms are open ofc but i am not a professional and it is best to speak to someone who can help you in real time and in physicality. stay safe love y’all practice some self care today if u get the chance! <3

[rowarn]

I love you, we all love you, truly BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ENDING 😭😭😭 WE REALLY THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA GET THE BEST MOST HAPPIEST THING LIKE SIMON REGRETTING HIS ACTIONS, AND DEFINITELY NOT JOHNNY DYING , BUT WE GET HIT WITH THIS HARD ASS ANGST DUDE I WANT A REFUND 😭 LIKE DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVE YOUR WRITING ALL OF IT AND I WAS WAITING PAIENTLY 2 MONTHS NO COMPLAINS THINKING I WAS GONNA GET SOME BEAUTIFUL FLUFF, DUDE WHY 😭 WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO CRUSH OUR SOULS LIKE THIS, can we pretty please get another part 3 but make this one the happy version 👉👈...

(I'm so sorry if I came off as mean or anything I'd didn't mean to, I'm js joking around 😔........can I still get that happy ver tho-)

okay listen!!!

i know a lot of people just wanted simon redemption but it just didn't fit. he wasn't the type a guy who would change just like that. even when he wanted kitty back in the end , he only wanted them bc of what they meant to johnny not bc he actually cared abt them or had a change of heart. his heart wasn't in the right place.

i was sort of stuck with two options; force it and superglue a puzzle together using the wrong pieces to make everyone happy or figure smthn else out.

so i narrowed down my options for an ending. i could give johnny and kitty an ending somehow or i could focus on simon getting a bad ending bc it's what he deserved. i wanted simon to SUFFER bc he was AWFUL so i went that route. and unfortunately johnny was a casualty in that quest.....but i didnt want simon to have a redemption 😭 tho by the end i did feel quite bad for the guy but also FUCK HIM!!!!

anyway i didn't rlly have any plans to make an alternate ending or anything bc i honestly don't rlly know how to make it work!!!

[fizzyykittyy]

i made like a highschool/modern lost trio/valgrace au so heres it. okay so basically, leo and piper are childhood best friends. since they were like three. they were neighbors and stuff. well when leos house burned down and his mother died, he went to live with piper and her dad. and they lived tg like siblings. leo had a stuffed animal that had a matching pair. his mother had the matching one but it unfortunately burned (leo still kept the remains tho). so off to highschool, in the car there leo is looking out the window. piper is arguing with her dad. “dad can you please not go out? i dont want people swarming us!” leo, sees this REALLY CUTE guy talking to someone (its reyna) but he doesnt say anything. he loves pipers dad and sees him as a guardian but hes still iffy abt dads since his left. now him and piper are walking in the halls and piper sees jason. shes like “oh my gosh, leo, i have never seen such a beautiful man before.” and leo being the guy that he is, supports her. well then they have a freshman relationship. leo gets close with jason since hes over a bunch. at lunch, leo, jason, piper, and other people sit at a table. well technically its just the lost trio but other girls and guys join them bc one; piper is absolutely gorgeous and everyone wants to either, be her or get with her. (she has perfect skin and hair (leo has acne and can barely take care of his curls)) so piper is like forced to talk to them but she tries to talk to jason and leo. well while piper is busy with the others, jason and leo talk. leo is yapping and jason is listening.

okay so now its like end of freshman and piper and jason break up. piper is chill abt it and so is jason. so they have a sleepover. when leo first moved in he had really bad separation anxiety and he and piper shared a bed (at first, mr mclean was iffy about this but then he realized that they were basically siblings so he didnt care) but he had an extra room his kept for leo in case he ever wanted to like move out and stuff. (he does eventually cuz once they start having other ppl over it was a bit embarrassing) so thalia is aroace in this (she looks after jason) shes like “could u please ask to like share a room with leo.” “why?” “well piper is ur ex and it would be awkward also, girl stuff” so jason does. well once jason comes over and leo shows him the room they will be sharing, he forgot to hide the stuffed animal he sleeps with (he cant sleep without it) and jason is like “…i have the other matching one.” (backstory time: he and thalia have the same matching stuffed animals that leo does w his mom and jason has the one leos mom did) and jason cant sleep without his. SO THEY HAVE MATCHING STUFFED ANIMALS. and then once jason leaves in the morning or wtv, leo is like “piper. i think i like jason” and then yk piper is SUPER supportive.

okay so more going back in time. once mr mclean like basically forced leo to his own room since they both were getting older and could barely share a bed, he allowed them to have sleepovers on the weekends (also that both leo and piper got zero sleep cuz they would js be laughing all night) and yk thats when they would have those deep talks. thats when piper came out to leo and leo came out to piper.

piper and shel now. piper and shel are also childhood best friends. piper was born in olkahoma then moved to LA cuz of her dad. (leo was born in texas (i believe) then moved to LA cuz of his mom) shel and piper were like besties in olkahoma. well when piper moved away her and shel stayed in contact. and so then, once leo and jason started dating she was like (during one of those deep sleepover talks) “i think i like shel” then they started dating

the voices are telling me to write this bc i have lots of ideas for percabeth, solangelo, and other ships :3

[ghostlylicious]

the witcher swapped roles au and their personalities are the same as before somewhat . do we like it (apologies that i didn't go through w dandelion's glitter hair 💔)

(press for better quality, and additional contexts/yapping under the cut)

crazy how i tied up jaskier's hair just to also give him bangs that obstruct his view 😭 in all fairness it is a trait he has which is in my hcs for him for this au:

yapping abt witcher!julian:

he still styles his hair to battle and it comes out okay even when he's covered in blood legolas style

he tends to wear knight-like armor-- ones that are very shiny, and sometimes they have purely decorative engravings. that part where geralt bought a new jacket but in this au dandelion bought a new nearly complete armor set that makes you question its practicality with what it looks like

he'd be sooo annoying as an actual hero i'm serious😭😭😭 this book series would NOT be popular ong (but perhaps bard!geralt will save it)

glittery hair after his full mutation was a joke but what if it was real for a second-

yapping about bard!geralt:

okay i'm gonna be honest i did not fucking mean for geralt to look like a red amazon macaw. I JS THOUGHT RED LOOKED GOOD ON HIM ESP W HIS BLACK HAIR then i was like hmm green and blue contrast well w the red and- oh fuck. but it's growing on me tbh.... i can redesign him w black n white but then he and dandelion's color palletes wouldn't contrast well and i'd also have to redesign dandelion's armor and i do NOT like designing/drawing armor😭 but let's see!

he probably said to his stylist "idgaf just make me look good" and the stylist had the same thought process as i did and boom here you go now you're a parrot mf

also yes since he never became a witcher in this au he's got his original hair color- or what i hc his og hair color would be. (i initially tried brown hair but he ended up looking like white jesus 💀💀💀😭😭 it's bc of the beard but i decided then that black hair would js fit his character more

he's actually geralt roger eric du haute-bellegarde

okau dont ask me for more details abt their names and backgrounds bc i have no idea!!!!!! i MIGHT write abt them but... i'm 1 of the laziest fucking artists ever so it's unlikely . also decided to have their scars like that bc of their occupations and the situations they'd get into bc of that

their love interests (which i hate calling them that but in a meta way it's true😭) are switched roles as well: bard!yennefer and sorceress!priscilla . for the child of destiny tho????? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ idk . honestly contemplating for ciri to just be ciri that'd be kinda funny

[zoropookie]

last chapter had me in tears UGHHH ur writing is so good 😢😢 why's scara kinda real tho guys... HE MADE ME SO MAD IN THE BEGINNING, but towards the end it's always like. he's lwk relatable!! i love the way u write scara in general, it's js so beautiful and so him imo?? AND OJ MY GOSH THAT ENDING KILLED ME. IT WAS SO HEART WRENCHING, ESP SCARA'S LETTER, I WAS GOING THRU SO MANY EMOTIONS WHILE READING IT... gonna think abt this for the next few days now, thank u for ur wonderful writing zoro 🙏🙏

😨🙁 this scara is relatable??? i’ll book ur therapy appointment rn /j

thank you for reading it i’m boutta start crying from how nice you all are . i hope you guys had a lot of fun i hope that i can upkeep a streak lol

[umeqii]

Emily x goth!black cat!reader who has a soft spot for animals and poetry? I love your humor and writing smm icon behaviour :))

GANG I AM SO SORRY 4 SUCH A LATE POST BUT IM GONNA TRY N GRIND THRU EVERY REQUEST I GET :///..

n also i lwk might come back 2 change the way i set this out bc it looks goofy asf ☠️☠️

fandom ; class of '09

character ; emily

reader ; gn (implied fem tho bc of the meeting)

creator ; umeqii

warnings ; tbh prolly is angst bc it refers 2 the OD ending, death mentions, SH mentions, drug usage, pedophila idk co09 regular stuff

emily had first realised your existence ig when it was that one scene where jecka and nicole were skipping, then emily and kelly came in trying to sell addys and then megan and ari joined.

y'know that one, right?

yeah you were with ari and megan skipping on a test

you tried telling them this bathroom wldve been full but they didn't listen smhh

anyways when you went in, it was clear that basically everyone minus your two friends were staring at you, which you were used to, so you didn't really mind

but kelly ended up giving you a smile and a small wave, aswell as you did back

you guys sat next to eachother in thr majority of classes so you ended uo becoming friends even despite how different you guys were in terms of personality and looks

the others lwk js ignored ur existence but they did comment on ur choice of style once not in a bad way tho..!! (nicole smh)

as your eyes scanned the room, you locked eyes with emily and instantly looked away bc nuh uh chat u ARE NEVER catching me lacking 😭😭🙏🏼🙏🏼

but yh icba 2 keep writing abt allat

she really did like ur style and was lwk like "waiittt whos that diva 💜💜" ygwim???

so after her n kelly left, she asked her friend abt who u were heh...

was lwk gnna say it was ur y/n moment until i remembered u r y/n but yk

kelly js sed smth like "oh them? yeah that's y/n. they're cool. their style's like.. cute... i guess? just not somethin' i would wear. overall a nice person. we make fun of jeffery together."

y/n huhhhh

cute name heh...😉😉😐😐

okay yh headcanons

as im typimg this its 8th december guys i js realised how late this was finna be posted srry chat!!!!

u

u guys got tgth after u were smoking pot under the stairway and that goofy ahh counsellor came to tell ym off or wtv

but emily was liek "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BITCHASS PEDOPHILE" or smth!!!

and she started 2 run away and she grabbed ur arm and u guys hid in a bathroom stall and like made out idrk

yh shes highkey rlly rich and so she noticed how u rllyyyy like animals so she wld buy u black cat plushies or raven ones

u guys were yapper x listener 💞💞

do u guys c where im going w this!!!

"y/n. ur super cool and pretty and handsome. sry i cant be here anymore. ilysm. i wish i cldve done this with u but i cant. ur 2 pretty to die and u have 2 keep living. i wish i cldve been more like you U r so pretty 2 look at and you were always chill and u saw the best in everyone even fucking wierd ass bitches like jeffery and thats why I made out with u that day bcuz I knew i wld be happy with u. ur names on my thighs and left arm btw. wouldve done my righy arm 2 but im right handed lols. i luv u so much babe ❤️"

doomes yuri!!

anyways

u guys weren't exactly toxic

u were js toxic ppl

(mostly ems)

u wld read her poetry and teach her some other ways of calming down which weren't so unhealthy and it sld sorta help??

atleast thats what u thought lmfao!!!

ym r scene x goth

if u wear trad goth makeup u wldve totes let her do it 4 u

and she wld let u practice on her aswell

it was always fun and perfect when u wld contour her button nose and she wld start laughing and flashing her shark looking teeth

u miss it

[lovebvni]

HI - i hope ur well

i just wanted to ask, as someone that’s recently discovered loa, how would you go about materialising a complete head to toe glo up, like yk in the movies how the girl changes overnight and everyone and their momma is like "woah omg who is that ????" yes.

i don’t necessarily have a lot of hatred towards my looks, i’ve had very bad skin (hyperpigmentation) on my face for a few years tho, definitely want that gone now that ik about the law and even my smile, those two things are what i’m most focused on? but otherwise i want like a "woah omg who’s that" moment esp now that i have school break

any words of advice, any suggestions, tips - i don’t want to feel like i’m waiting for this one, like it must materialised like TODAY like SOON

yes

thank u in advance btw

hii anon!! i’m sorry im kinda on and off here bc of some recent frustrations, but for manifesting complete change i would js have to say stick w it!! it’s gonna b hard sometimes, but always know u will get what u want.

for me, if i were to do this, i would 100000% start with writing down what in specific i want gone in some sort of journal. i know a lot of people say physical is better but u can do it wherever and how ever u want.

have that written down on one sheet of paper (or one section of the notes app) then on another section i would make some sort of check list and schedule

so i would list kinda like a check list, and i would plan it out almost like its a normal day.

wake up

brush teeth n wash face

affirm for *different eye colour* (or whatever) while getting dressed

look in the mirror before i leave and tell myself “oh i love x feature and im so glad i manifested it!!” (x obvs stands for what u want to b there)

go on with your normal day w school, work or whatever

random my decide to affirm when ur bored/not doing much (write it or js verbally/mentally affirm.)

on ur way to wherever u live, listen to a positive song, a sub, or frequencies and affirm to them.

do ur hw or whatever, anything u need to when u get home and pop some headphones in and listen to some more subs, frequencies or positive music

journal abt ur day!!! say if u felt anything odd? bc it could deffo b a sign of a change!!

(optional) do a dance!! get the positivity flowing <3 it helps me a lot !! or do anything creative, get in touch w ur spiritual side.

do ur night routine, shower, do whatever n js affirm — do it a bit more than u have earlier js to make it like more important so u can affirm in ur sleep.

when going to sleep, you can affirm urself to sleep, affirm and listen to a sub, or js decide u have what u want, go to sleep, and wake up with it

that’s like pretty much what i would do if i wanted to change my whole body. i dont follow these step by step personally, but i would 1000% recommend step 12 bc like ive sen the most results that way <3

i hope this helps anon!! i’m sorry this is so long and it took so long to reply 😭😭

[riooklee]

My NO's in Fanfiction !

TW: opinions

( Just to clarify, this post is ABSOLUTELY NOT made to offend anyone. Seriously, write whatever you want to write and have fun !! I'm just trying to find other people who share the same views as me, thank you<3 )

1) Turning a mlm/wlw ship into a straight ship.

Sorry, but this just gives me the biggest ICK. Literally makes me want to throw my phone out the window, smash my head against a wall and gouge my eyes out. LIKEE, tell me you're homophobic without telling me you're homophobic smh.

You may be thinking rn, "Rio, how do people turn em into straight ships?" WHEN THEY FKIN GENDERBEND ONE OF THEM.

I LITERALLY CRY WHENEVER I TRY TO LOOK FOR A TOMARRY FIC AND I SEE "Female Harry Potter" / "Female Tom Riddle". LIKE NOOOO??? WHY ARE U TURNING MY POOKIES INTO FEMALES... THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A MLM SHIP. WHY R U MAKING IT STRAIGHT??? It's giving "homophobic" !!

P.S. I just wanted to say, NO I AM NOT TRANSPHOBIC. I know some of u lots might jump onto that conclusion. BUT I AM COMPLETELY AGAINST THAT BS.

Don't get me wrong, I'm alright w ppl genderbending characters! NOT WHEN ITS IN A MLM/WLW SHIP THO.

P.S. I know that I can just exclude those tags whenever looking for a fic, but..the thing is, some people DON'T EVEN TAG THAT IN THEIR FICS WHEN THEY TOTALLY SHOULD BE TAGGING IT.

2) Making characters act so OC.

Yes, I do know that it IS fanfiction, people can do whatever they want with the characters. BUT SOME OF THEM MAKE THEM SO OC-ish THAT I CANT EVEN RECOGNISE IF THIS IS THE SAME CHARACTER IM OBSESSED W AND LOVE.

Some people make Harry an "UwU" cutsie little silly guy, all soft, and totes a cute cinnamon roll that he's defenseless and weak that he needs big almighty strong 10-pack Tom to save him because he's too little to do stuff for himself >-< .

EW, ICK.

STOP MAKING HARRY A PICK ME. My guy fought a literal war and defeated the dark lord. So why, IN MERLINS NAME are YOU making him act like this:'((

LIKEE, where's my sassy, sarcastic silly guy?? :((

AND TOM. OH MY DAYSS, TOM. Y'all either make him too mean or too nice I SWEAR. Likee, mean as in would Avada u if u even say a single word to him. LIKE BRO, HE WAS A PREFECT AND HEADBOY. HE DIDNT BECOME SO BECAUSE HE AVADA 'D INNOCENT PEOPLE.

P.S. I'm talking abt teenaged Tom Riddles, Voldie would def kill innocent people ykwim?

Or nice as in would call u pookie wookie bear and cuddle u if u had a bad scary dream. Let's bffr rn.

LIKE, where's my crazy psycho nice silly guy??? DD:

IF U WANT THEM TO ACT SORT OF OC-ish PUT THEM INTO A SITUATION THAT'LL FORCE THEM TO ACT AS THOUGH. Seriously, some can get away w this behavior if it is played correctly!!

3) First Person POV.

Pretty self-explanatory, next.

4) "He growled"

Okay, alpha, remus wannabe, furry looking ahh.

JS STOP PLS, IT'S NOT ROMANTIC AND PPL DONT FIND IT ATTRACTIVE.

When I say "ppl" I'm talking abt myself.

[keets-writing-corner]

I read the lucilith thing you wrote. Holy shit. It took all day, and there's only two fucking chapters but it took all day.

I've never read anything that felt so "canon," that's the only way i can put it. It felt just like it was written into the script of a far away season in the actual show.

You're insane at writing bro. I don't rlly know much abt you but I was able to find this blog and I js wanted to let you know (hope you find this ig) how fucking good that story is.

Can't wait for chapter 3.

If I had time to draw rn I'd be drawing a huge bearhug to the anon symbol, maybe later today tho?👀

[obligatory link to fic if any followers of mine have missed it]

Anon this is THE BEST start to my day! WTF THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! It warms my heart that people like you are enjoying my writing so much!

Yeah I... have a bad habit of making projects way to big for my own good. I JUST HAVE SO MANY IDEAS DAMMIT in the past I've solved that issue by going, "this fic can only have x amount of chapters" and that's worked. This time I told myself only 5, and my brain just went "but no word limit right?" and now it's starting to look like each chapter is going to be 20-30k words 💀 and each one is taking me about a month to complete... I actually started writing chapter 1 end of january, start of february and I only posted it end of february. Chapter 2 similar thing... BUT so many people are really enjoying it! So it's worth it right?

hey

hey

you

come closer

you want a sneak peek of 3? This is about a page into the start

__________

High pitched ringing was all Lilith could perceive at first. Eventually, as time passed, she became aware of more things. The air smelled foul. She was laying atop something soft, but underneath the soft layer was the hardest rock she’d ever felt. As far as sounds, it seemed like there was a faint rumbling in the distance, but nothing extravagant. 

Blearily, she managed to open her eyes. 

Lilith was face to face with Lucifer who seemed to be unconscious, just as she had been moments ago. The soft layer she was on was his wing, with another one lying limp on top of her. 

She sat up slowly, groaning. Her body ached and her joints felt sore. The wings that were on top of her, slid off. 

There was something grey drifting down from the sky, and apparently, she and Lucifer had been laying there long enough that a thin layer of it had started to build up on them. Well, mostly Lucifer. Up until now, she had been safely shielded by his wings. 

Lilith gave him a nudge, “Lu, wake up,” she told him before moving to stand herself. 

The sky was a deep blood red. Any clouds that formed were either grey or black. The ground too, the harsh rocky terrain she and Lucifer were on was also a dark grey. It was now that she realized, she and Lucifer were dead center in a crater of sorts. 

That’s when the previous events all rushed back to her. Heaven attacked them and cast them down into, what was it the elders called it? Hell? Lucifer desperately shielded and protected her from the vicious onslaught and then from the impact of the fall itself. 

Now with the full context, Lilith rushed back to Lucifer who still remained on the ground, “Lu?!” Lilith pushed back the wings that were covering his body, and unveiled multiple wounds from heaven’s attack. The blood had long since dried, and Lilith realized she too was covered in Lucifer’s blood. His wings were also covered in his blood as heaven viciously skewered them to prevent him from flying back out. His once flowing robes were all but tatters barely clinging to his form.

Panic now fully setting in as she realized he looked even worse than when he had fallen from heaven and wasn’t even stirring, not even a little. She couldn’t even hear him breathe raspy breaths like he had last time.

“Lu! Say something!” Lilith immediately cradled him. 

His head immediately rolled back limply as she pulled him to her. Lilith needed to readjust her grip on him in order for his head to lean against her torso gently. 

He had protected her… From everything. But the final blow had been the fall. If what little Lilith had experienced from the fall due to his protection had been enough to temporarily knock her unconscious and make her sore then… What must it have felt like to take the full brunt of it?? 

Tears began to build up in her eyes as she recalled him assuring her that she’d be okay. He had been unable to stop the crash, so he did everything he could to make sure she was going to be safe. Suddenly, it made sense why he had repositioned himself underneath her, to cushion her fall with his own body. 

“Lu?!” she called again, “Lucifer!” 

He remained still and unresponsive. 

Lilith’s breath hitched in her throat. He couldn’t be- he wouldn’t- this couldn’t have… killed him??? 

Lilith pulled him tighter to her, choking back tears and shook with rage against heaven. Why push her and him into that crevice?? All this because he wanted to help her and Eve but that was against the rules apparently?? Weren’t they supposed to be good?! Weren’t they supposed to be kind?! And what could she have done while the elders attacked? She had been powerless to help! Worse… They used her to lure him into the hole. As Lilith held him and choked back sobs, it occurred to her that he still felt warm. 

The faintest, slightest bit of hope fluttered in her, and she pulled away to get a better look at Lucifer. He still was completely still, and unresponsive but… maybe…

Lilith leaned her ear against his chest, hoping for what seemed to be the impossible. 

Faintly. 

Very

very 

faintly 

She could hear it. A heartbeat. Even fainter, she could hear a weak rattling breath from deep in his chest. 

He was alive…

He was still alive!

Lilith pulled him into a hug, cupping the back of his head and holding him tightly. Her tears now weren’t from grief but relief. “You’re going to be okay,” she whispered to him, “It’s going to be okay…”

__________

anyways, this was an absolutely LOVELY start to my day ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ would love to talk to people about it if they want

thank you so much for coming to find me and leaving me this lovely comment!

[vivaladicamillo]

RYAN DUNN WITH A GOTH AND METALHEAD GN READER

heyy yalll im backkk, took a little break for a bit but IM BACK BABYYYY, ive been getting into goth culture a lot as of recent and have been changing my style to fit around it more so this is js a silly little thing to fuel my brain ☺️☺️ enjoyyy

WARNINGS: none

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GOTH

ok so really i think ryan would LOVEE a goth s/o

but it depends on the era of him

if we r talking BEGINNING of cky days i feel like he would be into it but NEVERRR let yk abt it

if we r taking 1999 ryan oh my god hed fall in love with u then and there

we all know back then he had a little thing for more hardcore women (COUGH COUGH YALL EVER SEEN GLOREN BRO, the leather jacket RYAN WE KNOW WHO U RR)

i feel like he would be curious about it

just with how intricate the style is

i feel like hed be into all the styles of goth ngl, hes js so curious on how it all works

the closet thing hes really seen of goth is bam fanboying over ville

soo not much to compare it too

i feel like he would ask so many questions

just like “where do u find clothes like that??” “how long does it take u to get ready?” js air headed questions

if u started dating him tho oh my god hes a sweetheart

anything halloween related that looks edgy in the slightest he will buy and say it reminded him of u

will help tie up corsets, clip on necklaces, and always have a spare pair of flat shoes on him just incase ur heels start to kill ur feet

obsessed with the make up, he thinks its so cool (and so hot)

oh bam is lowkey so jealous

especially if u are a fan of ville

ryan would try and color match his shirts to ur outfits

u wearing red? his shirt is gonna be red

purple? he has a purple button up somewhere

hes js so in love w u he doesnt care

will be the type of guy to run to the store last minute to get accessories for an outfit for u

also will buy u those overly expensive edgy ass heels from the store bc he know u will rock them

probably has tried on some of ur platformed shoes or heels and busted his ass

bam would probably be there dying laughing bc of it

or he would casually put on a hair piece or some necklaces and imitate you (he swears it out of love)

honestly would let u give him a gothic makeover, js dont show bam

he doesnt reallyy get whats going on but he loves it anyways bc he loves u

METALHEAD

oh he thinks ur so cool

depending on what metal genre u prefer he would listen to so many songs from it

i feel like he’d be a little intimidated at first bc mf thinks HIM and CKY is hardcore

he will buy patches for ur battle vest

love hearing u go on about the bands

WILL GO TO CONCERTS WITH U

warning tho hes gonna try and fucking stage dive into the mosh pit

hes gonna get his ass KICKED

loves ur accessories

the gauntlet cuffs, the bullet belts he thinks its so edgy and cool

hes a little scared of the corpse paint tho

hes seen bam do it but never fully going out with it

when he walks into the room and see u just with two massive black holes for eyes a white face and a frown drawn on it kinda scares him for a second

but he thinks its so cool after he realized

wants u to do it on him

literally if u do he will js be staring in the mirror of a good 20 lins is awe

will go to bar shows with u

cant fight for shit tho so if someone starts shit goodluck LMAOOO

lowkey would grow his hair out bc one of ur fav bands fav members has long hair

hes wayy more into this probably then the gothic vibe but tbh ryans such a sweetheart if he liked u, HE LOVEDDD u

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hey yall so hope u enjoyed, ive been really into both these scenes recently and broo the goth metal style is my favvv, its hella cool. i need to start writing on here again lmk if i should do other cky/jackass members with different styles and genre loving readers!! byeeee :))

[mickstart]

I love ur raturine fics sm, how would u feel abt writing genderbent raturine fic, pls, not forcing, trust, js an idea ♡

Hey! It's probably just how I relate to gender, but I pretty rarely get The Point of traditional genderbends so I don't really write them much.

I do have a genderbend idea tho BC ratiorine keep breaking all my precedents that's t4t with transfem aventurine Experimenting now she can actually control her own future and body inspired by how ratio has always had so much control over his body he got to CHOOSE his gender and she's like "oh this rules" but I have no idea when I'll get around to writing it I'm wrestling like 10 WIPs right now.