#i identify very strongly as a binary trans man

[thepinkseashell]

?

[boydykedevo]

anyway my trans Devo headcanons:

He got a tonewheel for his birthday when he was 16, and that's where he learned what being queer was from Seldom's broadcasts. He identified as a lesbian pretty strongly for a while, but he always kinda knew that wasn't quite it. He was 17ish when he finally admitted to himself he was trans. (and once he started perceiving himself as a man more often, he realized he was bi -- he just hated the idea of being with a guy as a girl)

He's not a binary/monogender trans guy. BUT he is in heavy denial about it. He'll get there eventually...

Seldom gave him guy's clothes when he came to his school, but they're all very basic and colorless and boring. He was never a big fan of them. He didn't really come into his own with masculine presentation until Nermal's Pile; she lets him try out whatever he wants. He's still kinda feeling things out, but he's way happier and has a lot more fun with it now.

Hair length isn't strongly gendered in Founders' Wake, it’s more tied to practicality. Guidance always kept his at shoulder-length and never let him change it at all. He was growing it out after leaving, but after confronting Orlean in the infinite clam he had a breakdown and chopped it all off. Amber helped him tidy it up and he's kept it short ever since.

There's some sort of magic HRT in Founders Wake, but since magic is rationed he hasn't gotten on it yet. Seldom was helping him with it; he's on a waiting list.

His chest dysphoria used to be a lot worse, he did a lot of unsafe homemade binding back at the parish, which gave him chronic back pain. Seldom convinced him to stop and got him a proper binder. Even that he can't wear too often cuz of his pain. It sucked a lot at first, but he's started to make peace with his chest and his dysphoria isn't quite as bad. He still binds more than he probably should though.

He has a decent amount of bottom dysphoria, he packs pretty much constantly.

The name Damian is the one he first picked out when he was accepting himself, as a replacement for his birth name (not Devotion, the Cern one). But he started to really hate being called Devotion, and Devo was something he could spin as a nickname without raising suspicion. Guidance hated it and told people not to use it, but at least a few people did, so when it came time to pick a new name, he was attached enough to it he went with that instead of Damian Cern (also cuz his relationship with the Cerns is. complicated.)

(The Cerns do call him Damian, but Tolliver had no idea, he isn't exactly a part of family dinner. Last he heard he had some little sister who he’d never met. So when Devo was like "my real name is... Damian Cern" Tolliver's response was a cover for him internally going "what the fuck what the fuck since when do i have a relative named Damian hold on????? did i forget a cousin or something????????? oh my god this is humiliating" Devo does not clarify and Tolliver is too proud to admit to not knowing so it's a good couple weeks after that when he finally learns how exactly theyre related)

[our-lesboy-experience]

i have a question regarding being both lesbian and a man.

Let's say there's a binary trans guy, fully and singularly on the man part of the gender spectrum. He strongly identifies as straight. But also as lesbian a little? In a weird little trans man way. He's not multi gender, or gender fluid or even remotely a woman or nonbinary in any capacity. It's just he was once a lesbian and in some ways he still is(but not in a woman way, just how he feels attraction is very sapphic, or a queer version of straight, big lover of women he is). But he's also very straight at the same time. Would this guy be a lesboy?(Or lesman? Lesbman? If he doesn't really like to be called a "boy"?)

Like it's if you got a really big rope and that's "straight" and "lesbian" is a little string that winds around the big rope. And when you tie that rope to someone else that's the attraction?

Or maybe this is something he should keep to himself? How does he even remotely explain this to his girlfriend?

-- some straight dude, amidst an identity crisis

he can be! I've seen some trans men who are attracted to women call themselves both straight and lesbian- or even just "identifies as straight, but not NOT lesbian." and you can call yourself lesboy, lesman, lesdude, lesguy, lesbro, whatever feels comfortable

[khaire-traveler]

Deities to help with gender dysphoria?

Hey there! I'm currently on an Internet break, but seeing as how I recently reblogged something related to being trans (particularly about hateful blogs that are vile in every conceivable way), I figured I'd answer this ask now rather than later to hopefully help others out as well.

In truth, I feel that you should be able to feel comfortable turning to any of the gods you worship for these things, but that's mostly because I strongly value comfort and safety within spirituality. The gods that I have personal experience with, however, and that I've heard are the most helpful with these issues would be as follows (I'll make a list):

***PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS MOSTLY UPG AND MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH THESE GODS***

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Hellenic Pantheon

• Dionysus - one of his epithets is literally Androgynos (androgynous) to comment on how he breaks the gender binary and defies expectations (as well as to emphasize that he is very beautiful, but that's more of a historical/cultural thing for the ancient Greeks); he has been one of the most helpful deities when it comes to my transition, and I've always felt extremely comfortable opening up to him about my personal problems and feelings that I wouldn't tell anyone else; he will always listen to you, and there is an air of understanding that I don't always feel with other gods; he really helps you feel at-home in your own skin and will encourage you to dress and act in ways that make you feel happy, comfortable, and safe; something that I seriously love about him is that you will always feel loved when you confide him, and he will go out of his way to remind you that Dionysus stands for the outcasts, for those who people look down on for defying the strict "rules of society"; he will always support you in your endeavor to be and embrace yourself and be right be your side, no matter who stands against you

• Athena - they don't have any epithets relating to this, but based on personal experience, Athena has always been extremely encouraging and supportive throughout my transition; they instill confidence in oneself and are great at helping you feel secure in your transition (like, getting rid of self-doubt regarding gender identity and such, but they're also great at helping you discover what feels right to you if you're unsure); they are also great at helping you identify what triggers your dysphoria and any behaviors/thoughts that you have that may contribute to the feeling; if you struggle with how others view you, Athena is great at encouraging you to focus more on how you perceive yourself and learning how to not take the words of others to heart

• Hermes - I cannot stress enough how extremely supportive and compassionate he has always been; I've heard from many other trans worshippers as well that Hermes is extremely good to interact with when they're having a moment of dysphoria or doubt; he will reassure you, and every single time, I swear he knows exactly what to say to make you feel better, especially if you're having negative thoughts about yourself; he is seriously the best hype man out there as well, if you're ever in need of someone who will boost you up; he will always encourage you to trust your own judgement and will insist that only you know what's truly best for yourself

• Apollo - He tends to be very effeminate in the way that he presents himself, even in ancient Greek culture, and for a lot of people, they find comfort in this; he is extremely supportive during transitions, and I've heard from many worshippers that he will challenge a lot of your negative beliefs about yourself directly; he is the type of god I would suggest if you're looking to work through these dysphoric feelings and, hopefully, get rid of them ultimately; the hard work of that can be extremely intense, I will not lie, and I honestly recommend seeking professional support alongside the support that Apollo can provide you with to ensure that you have all the help you need throughout this process; aside from that, Apollo is a wonderful guide throughout the often scary process that is finding and learning to love yourself; he will never leave you high and dry, and will support you for as long as you desire his support

• Artemis - As a literal goddess of transition, Artemis is fantastic for navigating through the various trials and changes of being trans, whether that be physically or emotionally; similar to Apollo, she defies gender expectations by often presenting herself in a very masculine way which can be a comfort to many people; despite what I often see online Artemis can actually be extremely soothing and comforting, providing you reassurance when you need it the most; she is fantastic for grounding yourself and finding inner stability; I find her to be very passionate and determined, but if you need a calm energy, she's very good at adjusting to whatever you need in the moment; she will encourage you to be yourself without shame as well as help you not care what others think/how others perceive you

• Aphrodite - being the goddess of love, she is AMAZING if self-love is something you specifically struggle with; in ancient Greece, there have also been depictions of her with a penis, so many worshippers believe her to be trans herself; she has been a massive assist for me in learning to love and embrace myself and my gender identity, and something she's been especially helpful with is accepting my physical body the way that it is, to a certain extent; she is extremely gentle, compassionate, and encouraging, and her inviting energy makes it easy to open up to her about how you're feeling; if you tell her you have a problem you'd like to work on, she gets on it immediately, and I personally noticed her presence a lot more in my life even just days after requesting her help

Norse Pantheon

• Loki - This may be a somewhat obvious entry, but Loki is insanely helpful when it comes to anything related to gender identity and self-acceptance; being a shapeshifter, Loki is not bound by the constraints of gender and has even been shown to have a lot of gender fuckery within mythos; Loki helped me come to realize that I identify as non-binary masc rather than fully male; Loki also helped me embrace the more uncommon factors of my gender, as I personally like to go by fae/faer when I can; I haven't gone to Loki much for my dysphoria, but based on what I've heard many worshippers say over and over again, they are a miracle-worker when it comes to anything gender-related

• Freyja - I don't personally have much experience with her, but seeing what worshippers of her say, I felt she was important to mention; similarly to Aphrodite, she has a domain in love and that includes self-love; she is amazing at embracing yourself for everything you are, and I've been told she's especially good at help with physical dysphoria; she seems to be very kind and loving but definitely has a fiery passion to her that cannot be mistaken; if that energy might be too intense for you, I'd imagine it's not an issue to ask her to come across with a gentler energy

• Freyr - From what I've been told, he has a very fatherly and gentle presence which can provide great support throughout your transition; he is wonderful at grounding and replenishing energy; when you need someone to reassure you that everything will be ok, Freyr is a wonderful god to go to; he will make you feel accepted and loved exactly the way you are which is how you deserve to feel

• Odin - I don't personally worship Odin, but I've been told he's a great ally to have when exploring gender; similarly to Loki, he is a shapeshifter; he is very supportive of transfolk, and I've heard that worshipper find a lot of solace in him during difficult times; he is a great advisor as well, and if you are willing, he can help you work on understanding your triggers and learning to cope with them; he's definitely really good with the self-reflection aspect of coping with dysphoria

• Thor - Again, I don't personally worship Thor, but I've been told he's fantastic at he's really helpful with self-confidence and self-assurance; he's great at providing you with stability as well and can be a rock-solid support during the most difficult times; if you're looking for a deity who will ground and support you, I would highly recommend Thor

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Since I don't worship many Norse deities, most of my information was from @broomsick who is a very knowledgeable and experienced Norse pagan! I recommend checking out their content, if Norse paganism interests you. I wanted to include the Norse pantheon, though, to leave the option open.

To my followers, please feel welcome to add your own experiences and thoughts/opinions! 🧡

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I hope this answered your question and gave you some good options! Best of luck to you as you embark on your journey. ☺️

[warvariations]

Can I ask why you are soon to go through menopause?

And with respect of someone who doesn’t understand anything in the realm of trans/ hormonal dysphoria would you share a little bit of your struggle with it? I hope ultimately that you can be happy, full of rage or full of testosterone xx

Thank you for the good wishes, such a sweet way to put it!

I meant 'soon' as in my future, I'm not that close to menopause but I'm not that far from it either.

Most of my dysphoria has to do with how impaired my body/mind feel during 90% of my hormonal cycle, which is the part that aligns with testosterone decreasing. Basically I feel like I can only be fully functional for a very limited number of days a month, the rest of the time I'm fighting against what feels like having been injected with a drug against my will. I also know for sure that my (a)sexuality is deeply affected by being perceived as a woman / feeling dissociated from my own body, despite not really having any interest in sex beyond the way it facilitates romantic relationships due to the closeness it can foster, which I've always enjoyed. But it feels absurd to believe that I would be feeling better as a man, cause I actually don't know what it feels like to be a man – I cannot say I am a man personally, if anything I feel like a walking vagina bc I feel absolutely subjugated by the reproductive organs it represents, so the uncertainty of what's on 'the other side' makes it feel like a silly decision to make. Yet gender is very much at the core of one's subjectivity in the world we live in, and it's one of the few ways in which a poor person can shift others' perception of them, so it feels like a valuable option despite me not feeling that strongly about either genders (I do really identify with being non-binary but telling people I'm nb is not enough). Anyway the hormonal discomfort is starting to become really unmanageable, which is what's pushing me to consider testosterone again. I'm happy I waited (the first time I thought about it was in 2019) because now I know I've tried everything, and I don't even care about the physical changes I used to worry about anymore, like losing my hair or bottom growth (which used to freak me out cause I already hate my genitals as they are), I'm just SO TIRED of estrogen and progesterone fucking with me. I didn't get on T in 2019 because I was worried that I was just looking for a 'quick way out' of dealing with my trauma, and since then I've tried everything to heal or cope with my trauma and my dysphoria has only increased, and on top of that I'm exhausted and furious due to being forced to exist in what feels like a mutilated body, in the sense that I feel incapable of doing the things I want to do because of my dysphoria / what my hormones do to me every month. The other thing is that I used to feel like by 'giving up' on living as a woman I was giving up on believing that there is hope for a world where women can be happy, but at this point my survival feels more important than ideology. Also I do identify with having grown up as a woman on the internet and I wouldn't wanna go back and change that, same with being a girl child, which has kinda kept me from transitioning too. I was like if I relate to that it means I'm a woman, ain't I? But I'm not a girl child anymore, I'm an adult who is making the life of everybody around me hell cause I'm so dysphoric for 3/4 of every month I'm literally rolling on the floor growling and screaming at the top of my lungs (like actually).

But I want to have a baby and that to me is more important than my hormonal discomfort, I would never want to jeopardize my chance to get pregnant and carry a child, therefore I cannot go on testosterone now.

Hope that makes sense..... I've replied very quickly so I'll probably come back to edit it later

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!! (I hope it's okay that I'm calling you Cas? Pls tell me if its not🙏)

This is another advice ask, sorry, I haven't got anyone irl that I want to and feel comfortable talking to about this stuff.

I kinda have two things going on, so feel free to just respond to one (or neither, I do not mind, I pinky promise)

The first thing is about my gender. Like I said I'm an openly trans man, and that's felt right, as far as I'm aware, I don't feel a lot of things strongly at all. But recently I've found myself really enjoying, like, dressing up? Like my sister has a bunch of old clothes she never touches, (dresses and such) and I like trying them on and putting on makeup and making myself look like a girl, if that makes sense. It's really confusing, because someday I also genuinely feel so horribly dysphoric about my chest and body I can't even look down. I don't know, maybe it's just cause I don't really feel very handsome or like I actually look good when I look more masculine and I do feel a lot prettier when I look fem... it's weird.

The second thing is actually about that friend that my first ask was abt. They still have that boyfriend, and I'm okay with that. I don't really know how they feel about him, but he likes them a lot, so I'll be happy for them. But it doesn't feel right to sit there and be jealous and be shorter with them, which I have been, and have them have no idea. I want to tell them that I like them, but make it clear I'm not looking to break them and their boyfriend up, and that I'd only be telling them because it didn't feel fair to keep it secret especially when it's something that's affecting our friendship. They definitely don't deserve to not know, especially when we still have that jokingly flirty relationship, it feels like taking advantage of them, and they deserve the choice of dropping me as a friend or continuing to be friends because I like them. What do you think?

ANYWHO, that was a lot, I just needed to get that out, I've been feeling very weird and conflicted about it all, don't feel any pressure to respond if you don't want. Have a good night/day and thanks for letting me rant 😋😋

-fat crush anon (I definitely should've put this at the beginning, my bad)

Hi!

Okay as far as your friend, I think your intentions matter, Are you just SAYING you're telling them to be honest, or are you secretly hoping they'll choose you? Because that makes a difference.

As far as gender...gender identity and gender expression are two different things. You're allowed to identify as a (trans) man and dress more fem some days! If that makes you feel happy, then do it! Also remember that gender doesn't have to be binary. So it could be that your gender is more fluid, and that's awesome, too! You also don't have to know. Do whatever feels comfortable to you, because that's most important <3

[xxcalicofemmexx]

i think the thing is, is a lot of exclusionists are coming at this from the wrong direction. so much of the language used to argue against mspec lesbians is binarist to the extreme, which is extremely frustrating when what we’re talking about is a non-binary identity.

lesbianism has always included nonbinary people, and bisexuals, and gender nonconformists, and trans people, and aspecs, and men, and genderqueers, and mspec people of all kinds! we didn’t always have the language, but if you know what to look for you’ll see we were ALWAYS there.

but then the second wave of feminism hit, and with it came a lot of very loud upper-middle class white women’s opinions. political lesbianism became a thing, and lesbian separatism, and suddenly it wasn’t enough to just love women anymore. in fact, under political lesbian ideology, queer love for women didn’t factor in at all.

men were evil. men were inherently oppressors. men were sexually depraved animals that would ruin anything they touched. attraction under this ideology was an ethical choice. any woman who chose to align herself with a man was a traitor to the cause, and a victim of the patriarchy, and impure.

if that terminology sounds familiar, you’re right, it is! this was the birth of radical feminism, and with it came proto-TERFism.

now, please take a moment to consider why it became so important to center the exclusion of “men” in the definition of lesbianism. think about why a binary of “okay” and “not okay” genders would be encouraged, and who would benefit from their segregation.

all that said, i’ll address your concerns point by point

one of the bigger confusions for me with the mspec lesbian label is: what is a lesbian then?

the answer is the same as any queer identity. it’s up to personal interpretation. lesbian is a word that someone chooses to express theirself, to explain their identity, and to help find community where they belong.

in my opinion, and how i define lesbian for personal use: a lesbian is someone who experiences queer attraction to women, and prioritizes that attraction when seeking relationships.

but if a lesbian defines their personal experience with lesbianism around their lack of attraction to men, that’s cool! it’s their identity, and they’re the only one who can decide how to relate that to the real world.

the not cool part is when a singular experience is generalized, and touted as universal.

There Is No Universal Experience. the way you feel is not going to be exactly identical to everyone else.

Ive heard [lesbian] re-defined “queer attraction to women” but thats also for example what bisexual women have.

this seems to be a shocking statement to a lot of exclusionists. but. having things in common with other queer people is a good thing. yes, correct, bisexual women experience queer attraction to women. and they have personal reasons why they don’t identify with lesbianism, just like you (i assume) have personal reasons why you don’t identify with mspec labels. some people have personal reasons why they identify with multiple labels. and it’s not our business to pry into anyone’s private life!

also, as an aside bc it feels like a lot of people forget this: a bi woman’s queer attraction to women is not lesser than a lesbian woman’s. bisexuals and lesbians are equally queer. bi women and lesbian women have valuable shared experiences, including and not limited to their love for women, and the history of their communities.

Lesbianism centers women and its the only sexuality that doesnt include men.

it is not the only sexuality that doesn’t include men. ceterosexual. finsexual. enbian. neptunic. nominsexual. womasexual. hell, even bisexual doesn’t have to include men! i could go on and on and on, but my point is made.

if you don’t want to use a different label when you already identify with lesbianism so strongly, well… huh. i wonder who else feels that way 🤔

I dont see why lesbians cant just have our own label for our own sexuality?

this is a bad argument, and my absolute least favorite phrase to hear in a conversation about inclusivity. i will not give a question asked in such bad faith the dignity of a real response.

If we decide lesbianism includes men we wont even have a label for that shared experience anymore.

again, we’re not ~deciding~ that lesbianism includes men. multigender, genderfluid, nonbinary, butch, and otherwise genderqueer lesbians have always existed. it’s transphobic revisionism to say that they didn’t, to pretend this is a new concept.

parting statements

1) there are always reasons why a person connects with a label. when it comes to queer identity, a lot of people think long and hard about it. we’re talking hours upon hours of introspection- weeks, years even. if someone identifies in a way you don’t understand, it’s not your business to question them. they’ve thought about their experience more than you ever could.

2) because this is a big argument that gets thrown around: we are not going to force you to fuck men. we are not going to force you to fuck us. if you are not attracted to men, and/or you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who could be, then walk away from them. that’s literally all it takes.

3) the acknowledgement and acceptance of mspec lesbians Does Not suggest or encourage the normalization of corrective rape, conversion therapy, or lesbophobic harassment. it does not contribute to lesbian erasure, as that is a problem with public representation and historical accounts, Not a matter of personal identity

repost, og posted feb 24, 2023

[dresshistorynerd]

You were right to correct the fashion part, as I sent that ask in anger and indeed used faulty reasoning on practicity and did not develop the other points. I apologise for sending a message in this state, as it is in no way a good manner to open a discussion. While I do not agree with you and find the speculation detached from what a masculine woman might feel, her point of view, I see that I am not approaching this fairly and thus, wasting your time. Perhaps other masculine women may have better insights on that topic... if not, have a nice day.

I'm glad you sent another message. I also didn't offer you much benefit of doubt in my answer so I'm impressed you did now. I was debating weather I should give you a benefit of a doubt when I was answering to your first ask, and decided it was not worth it, but maybe it would have been. I can understand now better where you're coming from and why you sent a message in anger.

I don't want to sound harsh, but the post was not about you. I understand you probably identify with Julie d'Aubigny, which is completely fair, but that doesn't mean you know her and doesn't mean I'm talking about you, when I'm in fact talking about her. You say I was speculating on the feelings of a masculine woman, but I was not. Why are you so certain she was a masculine woman? Why are you so certain you know how she felt and who she was? I sure am not certain about really anything about her or her life, certainly not her feelings. Which is why through the whole post I speculate what information about her we can trust, what might have happened and what was unlikely to have happened.

We don't know for sure she was masculine, or that she even dressed in men's clothing, that could have been a rumor to other her, make her seem weird to the people of her time. Especially because of her (likely real) sapphic relationships, this is a real possibility as gender and sexuality were seen as so strongly connected. On the other hand she was also described as beautiful in her society's standards by her contemporaries, which would mean she would have reached some feminine beauty standards. Maybe she changed between masculine and feminine presentations depending on a situation, which I think is probably the most likely explanation, but that's my opinion not a fact. Maybe she was a feminine woman, maybe an androgynous woman, maybe a masculine woman, or maybe not a woman at all. People, who didn't fully identify with womanhood or manhood, who we might call today non-binary or genderqueer, have always existed, but how did they exist and present themselves in a society that had so extremely binary gender system? I think it certainly would have depended on a person, but certainly one possible way would have been to fluctuating between masculine and feminine presentations. What about a trans man, who was famous as woman from a young age, whose career involved fame, how would they have presented in a society like that? Maybe he would have presented in a more comfortable masculine manner, whenever he could, but maintained a feminine presentation for when it was needed for his career. And then how would you determine for certain today weather a historical figure, who was afab and likely presented both in masculine and feminine ways, was a androgynous/masculine woman, non-binary person or trans man?

We know very little for certain about Julie's life and I don't think we can for certain make any determination about how she felt about her gender. I don't think we have evidence to rule out any possibility. I tried to not make any assumptions about her or her life without evidence in my post, while presenting what I think was most likely. I think she was a woman, I think she was sapphic and I think her presentation was androgynous if not masculine. Knowing how at the time gender was constructed and what her cultural understanding of gender would have been, I think she probably had a complicated relationship with womanhood, a relationship that today might be described as genderqueer (I'm using this in it's broadest definition). (I talked about the gender construction at the time in my addition to the answer of your first ask so I'm not going to go into it here.) I raise other possibilities to highlight that we can't know for certain, if our interpretation of her is true.

I'll say again that I understand relating to historical figures and seeing yourself in them, but when we try to actually interpret history, I think it's important to put aside those feelings. If we project our feelings to history, we can't see past our cultural biases and our understanding will be lacking. It will make us blind to the things that won't fit our understanding of the world, instead of better understanding how world was seen in a different time.

You can disagree with my interpretation, by all means, but if you don't have some evidence of her life that I don't, I don't think you can fully disregard the possible interpretations you disagree with. I disagree with the interpretation that she was a straight woman, but I can't disregard that possibility, because the evidence we have of her attraction and relationship to other women is not fully reliable.

I think this second ask of yours is very fair and even the first one raises important questions on how we should interpret and approach history, so I don't think you're wasting my time.

I hope you have a great day!

[liamgallaghermpreg]

this is a bit of a personal question, so i understand if you don’t want to answer! as someone who’s transmasc but fem i struggle to explain to others & rationalize myself why i feel more strongly aligned w/ fem men than fem women. it’s had me wondering whether i really am transmasc. i know that you as a transmasc are fem presenting & that you’re interested in pregnancy so i wanted to hear your take on it.

how do you differentiate between being a cis fem woman and a trans fem man? how does it “feel” different to you to be transmasc, and change how you see yourself? seeing your confidence in your photos and your comfort with your gender has been immensely helpful for me and it’d mean a lot if i could get your thoughts on this! :) pls answer if you feel comfortable

Hey anon! I’m extremely touched that me posting and stuff has helped you out🥺

I think first of all is that I try NOT to rationalize myself to people — I (we) don’t need to! One of the most important things a friend told me is “I don’t need you to get it or understand, I just need you to respect me.” This has especially been helpful with people like my parents who I genuinely think would get it more if I were a binary trans man lol. But they don’t have to get it! They just need to respectfully try to use my pronouns and say stuff like “my child” instead of “my daughter.”

Secondly, it’s important to remember that everyone’s gender journey is their own. It can be really hard to not get bogged down especially in this age of social media. Like I was posting about yesterday — it gets me down that I’m not so confident in HRT like a lot of people I know are! But also — and I know I’m immensely lucky for this — most of my friends are also trans and are very supportive of me and my identity which is very helpful. When I feel “less” trans I know that’s me projecting and not anybody making me feel that way.

Re: differentiating — I don’t see myself as a cis fem woman because I’m not! That sounds so stupidly simple but it really is. When I think of calling myself a woman I get this icky feeling all over. I don’t think this means I can’t connect to womanhood. I personally DO feel like I was a girl who later blossomed (lol) into a dude. I went through a lot of stuff as a girl that I still connect with. Doesn’t mean the trans shit wasn’t always there. Now that I know, I see a lot of egg moments in my younger self. But I still connect with my girlhood. A lot of trans people were always that gender and that’s awesome. I don’t feel that way, and that’s also okay. A great phrase I use a lot is “one person’s dysphoria is another’s euphoria.”

That all said — identifying with fem men over fem women definitely speaks to you identifying with masculinity. I think masculinity can be whatever you make it. Sometimes I feel so masc when I have a full face and super revealing dress on! I get it though, it sucks when people don’t see you how you are. And it can be a bummer to constantly correct people. It does get me down a lot. I think I take a lot of comfort in surrounding myself with people who respect me — I know this is easier said than done but I really recommend trying to get involved in your local queer community if at all possible, and if not finding people online.

Re: my presentation — I never felt like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, I have way more social dysphoria. I don’t like that I’m seen as a woman walking down the street. I don’t like that when guys hit on me at the bar it’s 99% of the time because they think I’m just an alt girl. But I don’t want to change to fit what others perceive. I like my boobs! I like my pussy! I like my curves! And I think really trying to overcome the “this body type/presentation = woman” thing in your head is HARD but necessary. I totally get why others want top, bottom, etc. That’s their way of feeling more aligned with their gender and that’s fantastic. For me…it isn’t. Really trying to view these things as neutral is hard but necessary.

Same with pregnancy. Now I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl (see!) and now that I’m a grown man/masc/person that hasn’t changed. I really really view pregnancy as a neutral. It’s something my body can do and I want to do it. Society equates this (and wanting this — but there ARE cis men who want to be pregnant too! People of every gender!) with being a woman but working to remember and surrounding yourself with people who know it’s a neutral can be helpful. That’s another thing like…I would consider myself a mother. Some transmascs who choose to give birth may want to be called a father or another term. I view these terms as neutral in my head. Like gender identity it’s whatever feels right to YOU.

Whoever you identify with that makes YOU feel good is valid — like I know the word valid has been overused on the Internet but I really mean it. Like Joan Jett is on my gender moodboard as much as Kellan Lutz in Twilight. I really found comfort in finding my own style, which I describe as jock/goth (joth) lol and so playing around with that has been helpful. If fem men are how you feel connected to your masculinity — then hell yes! With stuff like makeup…I like makeup! That’s a value neutral! I like the artistry and playing around with it. I have to work to remember that it isn’t an inherently cisfem thing.

Unfortunately a lot of my coping is self-validation (and luckily, from my friends too) and believing that society will catch up.

I know this was SUPER rambly but my coping mechanism has been fake it till you make it from the time I was a 9 year old being bullied in 4th grade and it still is. If you act confident the confidence will come…

Idk how helpful this was but I hope it was a bit!

Btw — if you feel transmasc, then you are :) it’s as simple as that!

[drill-teeth-art]

i'm sure you've gotten this already, but i wanted to reach out and say your Good Bi Gender comic REALLY resonated with me. i identify as nonbinary but so often i get called transmasc or assumed i want masculinity Only when that's not how i feel at all. i LIKE femininity, i like being feminine and everything that comes with it; i call myself a sister and a daughter and i identify a lot with women's issues and struggles in society!

but im not a woman. i don;t think I've ever felt like one and i haven't been one for the last four years. i don't want to remove any parts of my body and while it would be cool to have more stereotypically masculine aspects (idk facial hair and wider shoulders maybe) I'm also ok as i am.

it's upsetting that there is such a binary view, that even other trans people decide we can only be one. i don't want to be one, i want both, and i want the beautiful things they can both make, i want to be so much because i AM so much and i just.

idk this probably doesn't make a lot of sense and hgfjdksl sorry for pouring into your inbox; i really wanted to say thank you. your comic was for you and your experiences but reading it made me feel seen and heard in a way no one has made me feel before. you verbalised something i have had so much trouble expressing and while our experiences are not the same, i deeply resonate with what you expressed in a way that touched me very very strongly.

i hope someday you are allowed both your femininity and your masculinity at the same time. i hope someday you can be wholly happy <3

No I get you it makes a TON of sense to me. The frustration of talking to people (even a lot of other trans people I’ve met) who only seem to understand gender in terms of the binary is so much. And it’s like. Our identities and experiences differ for sure, but the frustration of having to explain to others over and over that your gender doesn’t fit the binary and you don’t want it to is very real and exhausting and heartbreaking. Because like. Having to make your gender “palatable” to people who only understand the binary is something no one should have to do but the pressure to do it is real and intense. The amount of “I didn’t know anyone else felt this way” just in the comments and tags on my comic really is like. A testament of how shut out of the gender conversation identities that actively do and strive to defy the binary are.

Like. In my own case. I shouldn’t have to get rid of my boobs to be considered a man. I shouldn’t have to hide my femininity to be taken seriously as a trans person. Neither my manhood or womanhood should have to die for the other. They’re not even opposites. In fact. If I can put it abstractly. My manhood and womanhood have plenty of overlap in presentation and are very much in love. And the binary is hell bent on forcing even trans people to choose a binary box to fit neatly in. And that’s screwed up.

I hope this world finds kindness in it for you as well and that whatever gender presentation and balance is right for you is respected. Thank you for the kind words and reaching out.

[find-your-queery]

Where to start... lived most of my 50 years as a straight female but seemingly from a different planet to most.. not Mars or Venus but somewhere else entirely. Autism strongly in the family but that alough its close that never quite fit me.. then l learned about ADHD (currently starting the diagnosis process, though I'm pretty sure..).

Always been bi-curious (to use an old-fashioned term) and had the odd huge attraction to another woman but have never taken it anywhere. Currently in a long-term straight relationship (with a man, tb clear!) but having major desires to get with a woman. Partner is non amenable, sadly.

Never felt like a woman, always a massive tomboy, but hate sports and violent films, and love shoes, jewelry and shopping...(?) thought my lack of feeling female (was amazed when I got was pregnant - this means I'm actually a human and actually a woman!!) was just my lack of confidence in my looks and ability to do 'female' things. Now I'm not so sure.

Recently, I'm finding my worlds expanding and seriously questioning everything. My two extraordinary, wise offspring are queer (lesbian and non-binary) and on the spectrum. Their generation is amazing. I have learnt so much and been so inspired, but it has left me more than a little confused.

Ive never felt happy on my skin, never quite right. I hated puberty, didnt want any of it. Hate having boobs (except breastfeeding was brilliant). I'm not trans but maybe I'm non-binary? She/her feels fine, feels wierd to change it now, I look female and happy to present feminine sometimes, thought mostly I eschew dresses.. somedays I just feel more comfortable acting as a man. All my childhood idols were men, but maybe that was just growing up in the 80s? I don't want to make a fuss but I feel so massively drawn to the queer community and I just want to understand who I am.

Maybe, ultimately, it doesn't matter. But still, I'd like to know your thoughts..

Unsure whether you want me to analyze for either or both orientation and gender, so I'll go with both!

The terms I can most associate with you in terms of sexuality are Bisexual!

You seem to already know what it means, but for clarification Bisexual people are attracted to two or more genders! Although you said your attraction to women "never went anywhere," your attraction is still very real and very valid! If you still aren't sure however, Bi-curious is still an excellent way to identify, as it means you may be curious about being attracted to more than one gender!

The labels and terms I can most associate with you in terms of gender are Genderfluid, Bigender, and GNC (Gender Non-Conforming)!

Genderfluid people feel different genders at different times! This can fluctuate over a day, week, or sometimes months! Genderfluid people can feel any single gender, mix of genders, or no gender at all at any given time! This label falls under both the Nonbinary and Trans umbrellas.

Bigender is a label that is very related to Genderfluid, in which Bigender people's gender fluctuates, but is a bit more specific in that they typically fluctuate between only two gender identities. This is typically associated with being either male and/or female, but can also be for other identities such as Agender and female, Nonbinary and male, and many other combinations!

GNC (Gender Non-Conforming) is a term for people who present, behave, express themselves, or even have interests in a way that does not fit the gender norm! Examples include a man wearing a skirt, dress, and/or makeup, or a woman wearing a suit or acting in a masculine way!

Other related labels and terms not chosen: transmasc (not chosen due to still having connection to agab [assigned gender at birth]), nonbinary (not chosen due to feeling connections to binary genders)

PLEASE NOTE: Though I did not choose transmasc as one of the main options, you can still be transmasc even with the reasoning you gave for dismissing it! Gender identity, gender presentation, and interests are all different and separate things, and everyone's combinations of such are very different!

- - -

If you disagree with this answer and/or think there is a better label/term that fits the inQueery, that's okay! Kindly let us know so we can learn together!

[transenbyconfessions]

I'm just throwing it out to the wind. I don't like all the labels, even if I fall under them myself. I wish things were simpler, and people could just make peace with each other.

I'm transmasc. I think. I know I'm agender too, it makes me very happy knowing about that part of me. I use he/him but also don't care what people use for me unless they're close. Then he/him is strongly pushed. I feel at peace knowing I'm agender, but also kind of a boy. To simplify, I say I'm a trans man, even if it feels weird to specify.

I'm gay, but I can romantically love anyone non-binary or fem as long as I trust them enough. I have trauma with afab people- I have an easier time trusting cis men. The opposite of most people born afab, I know. I'm dating someone afab, while pining for and in love with a cis man. I'm polyamourous. To simplify I say I'm bi, but I really don't identify with that, and polyamourous.

I've gone through so much relationship trauma that the level of romantic attraction I have has been constrained, that I can only see myself loving one more person besides my partner for sure. Anyone else...Qpr. I fear thanks to trauma I've become greyromantic, or aro in some way. It makes me sad, because I have so much love in my heart. I don't say this, to anyone.

I'm asexual, but I'm sex positive. It fluctuates between being turned away from the idea of it, to really enjoying the idea of it. It frustrates (not aggressively) my partner how it fluctuates unpredictably. I, too, am frustrated how my entire opinion on having sex can change in so many directions a day. I find it easier for the idea of having sex with people I'm deeply emotionally bonded to, when I'm having a 'good sex day'. To simplify, I've said in the past that I'm demisexual. I no longer do, I just say asexual, because I figured myself out.

I'm Transmasc Agender, Gayflux-Arospec, Asexual.

I have a back and forth relationship with all these labels, and don't use them besides the simplified versions I said. They feel unnecessary. I guess I just needed to shout to a void and hope maybe my experience rings true for someone else who stumbles across it eventually.

Submitted March 29, 2023

[caius-hhhhhh]

Intro + Faq + infodumping about my gender

Ahoy! I’m Caius, I post a horrible amalgamation of Vox content, trans and sex positivity (trans sex positivity), disability rights, cats, and things that make me laugh. My blog is a safe space for me, the rest of you are in danger I think

All my art is tagged #original work (regrettably).

I make and absolutely love podfics! See my current list of works I’m considering recording, and my currently published works.

I sometimes post pictures of spiders, which are all tagged #spiders.

i’m in the process of tagging and organising my posts it’s just gonna take a while :S #🌌🩸: things that made me think of or I sent to Nyx

last upd8d 08/01/25

sexuality: pansexual (this means your gender! <3) allo/allo — I know I have a sizeable number of a-spec followers, so I just want to flag that I am not one of you, but a) you deserve the world, and b) I’ll punch anyone that thinks otherwise

gender: Domgender. Perisex. In trans terms, I’m multiflux with preference. In cis terms, I experience three gender identities — a masculine one, a feminine one, and an agender one (I think of the agender identity as being a gender, just a gender that is ungendered; I know this isn’t the same experience for other agender people) — but they fluctuate in their intensity and overlap with one another every day. But one identity, the masculine one, tends to dominate over the others: it happens more frequently, it tends to be more intense, and I feel a stronger attachment to my masculinity than my femininity or agenderness. This puts me in between a couple of categories. I’m both genderfluid and transmasculine. I’m happy to be referred to as such. I don’t consider myself nonbinary, even though my gender is quite literally not binary. My gender shifts from both random chance and specific stimuli. The reason why I wake up one day and feel like a demiboy? Couldn’t tell you. Why my femininity puffs its chest out when someone says something misogynistic? VERY deliberate.

pronouns: he/him. I’ve tried using multiple pronouns and it’s not really for me. I’m not on HRT (and I like it that way), so I have to fight so hard to be called he on the regular, so when someone does gender me correctly, it gives me euphoria even when I’m not feeling particularly masculine on that day. To be super technical (the best kind of technical), when I’m very strongly agendered I actually like using an em-dash (—) as a pronoun. “Caius has a blog where — doesn’t differentiate between —s fandom posts and philosophy posts”. This is very fun in theory, but in practice, a) it’s quite statistically rare for me to feel very strongly agendered on a particular day, and b) when I am I am so not likely to tell others about it. So it’s a footnote but not something I expect, or want, people to do in practice. To reiterate: I use one set of pronouns. Don’t call me they.

post tits? nah man, i’m post-tits. 12/2024

physically disabled: no mentally disabled: yes intellectually disabled: basically the opposite, honestly

what’s OCPD?: Try wikipedia. Explaining my disorder upsets me. Please take the initiative to inform yourself about personality disorders, their effects on the individual, and the way they’re stigmatised. I rarely have the emotional energy to educate you about myself.

location: not the united states

age: xx/xx/2000. I have an embarrassing zodiac sign, you’re not getting it out of me

day job: scholar. It’s broadly possible to determine more specific details from what I post, but I will not answer direct questions about my major or research interest because academia deliberately makes it easy to identify people based on that information. If you genuinely, seriously, and wholeheartedly want details? I’d need a picture of your student ID.

spirituality: yes, Wiccan

politics: From the river to the sea. Abortion is healthcare. Addiction is a disability. I do not make politics, calls to action, petitions, and donations a prominent feature of my blog. I post information that I did not know, want others to know, or find particularly pertinent on an infrequent basis. I would encourage you to find other sources of more frequent and more up-to-date information elsewhere. I am a white settler living on stolen Indigenous land. I make every effort to educate myself on the ways in which our white supremacist society unfairly targets people of colour, and to alter the way I, as a person who benefits from white supremacy, behave and speak about race.

fandoms: Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss; Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard (no Kane Chronicles, sorry); Mass Effect increasingly I tend to remain stationary within a fandom for a long period of time. I’m likely not going anywhere, but I’ll probably add more to this list than subtract from it. I post vague snatchings of other fandoms, but nothing particularly saturated. I don’t actually read Warrior Cats anymore i just watch moonkitti videos

other socials: AO3, bluesky

is your blog 18+?: strictly speaking, I do not reblog posts that contain explicit sexual content. Many people I follow do. Please mind the bios of people I’m reblogging from. I do talk about sex as a concept. I acknowledge that it exists. I make jokes about its existence. We gain nothing as a society from shaming and shielding people from the existence of sex, and casual references towards it are an essential part of undoing the christian impulses that force us to view sex as an evil or morally unthinkable action. This is not the same as posting porn on main. Which I do not. Where I do post porn can be discovered only by mutuals via DM.

are minors welcome on your blog?: as above. I think teenagers and adults can and should be encouraged to communicate with one another in a healthy and appropriate manner. In fact, it is vital that teenagers have a healthy and diverse support network of adults in their lives, and it is a problem if they do not have access to that. Yes: teenagers and older children should be educated about internet safety and what an inappropriate interaction with an adult looks like. Yes: adults should not be disgusting. In my own particular case, people under 20 are welcome to follow. I am not your friend, and I will not become so. But I am happy to offer you advice, if you are trans, gay, disabled, or unsure of how university works.

why the fuck do you post sex education on a sfw blog?: Because if we do not provide teenagers with the resources to practice safe sex, they will have unsafe sex. It’s not that they will not have sex. That’s just not going to happen. My primary source for (very good!) sex education on tumblr, batmanisagatewaydrug, has an excellent post about this [that I of course cannot search for] where she talks about the fact that refusing to share sex education with teenagers is a form of sex negativity that not only perpetuates negative stereotypes and attitudes about sex but causes real-world harm. We know that poor-quality sex education, especially abstinence-only sex education, directly correlates to higher rates of teen pregnancy. Gatekeeping, age-gating, shaming, or censoring sex ed directly results in more unwanted pregnancies, more exposures to STIs, and twists the roots of sexual shame that much deeper. I tend to circulate and contribute to posts about prophylactics, anatomy, trans-specific sex ed, and body-safe sex toys. Because I deeply value the sharing of accurate and body-positive information regarding the pursuit of pleasure and the acceptance of our bodies. Those of you who follow my hornyblog will note that I do tend to age-gate specific, detailed information about the actual mechanics of sex as well as most discussions about kink etiquette and education.

why are anon asks off?: I’m a trans person on the internet. It’s funny, really, the way that leaving your name on something tends to dissuade most people from saying something revolting.

why don’t you capitalise things?: depression. It started out that way, anyway, where moving my finger to hit the caps lock was just too much effort; but rhetorically, there’s a different tone of voice in which you read i versus I. I like that. I think it’s juicy. I don’t capitalise proper nouns or names like america, christianity, or white to show disrespect. Yes this also bleeds into the uncapitalised “i”: I’d never not capitalise the names of people I respect!

why’d you spell capitalize like “capitalise”?: there’s this cool thing that languages have, it’s called a dialect

can we be friends?: sure. I check the blogs of everyone who shows up in my notes, so if I follow you it means I like you. Likespam, ask, reblog, message, I don’t care. If you’re trans I’ve probably already imagined our wedding

can we flirt with you?: If you’re over 20. You have to do it off anon.

can we tag you in games or picrew chains? please! i really appreciate the gesture: it’s very sweet to know you’re thinking about me and it always makes me smile. I don’t always respond to a tag: this is because I don’t think I have anything to offer, not because I hate you specifically (I don’t <3). I generally prefer picrews over “get to know me” games.

how do you pronounce “caius”?: ˈkʌɪəs. [ʌɪ is like “rye”, əs like “us”.]

how do you pronounce the hhhhhh?: an exasperated aspiration. like “ughhhhhh” but without the gutteral G. A heavy, heavy sigh. It’s six Hs, by the way.

[transsexualhamlet]

For the multigender ask game 6 30 21

!!!!!! hiiii im so glad someone actually asked something for this one omg. this is. important to meeee

ask game

6- Do you identify with any terms that can encompass being multigender, like trans or nonbinary?

I do definitely identify as trans, of course, both transgender and transsexual (taking the old timey meaning of both), my identity as a man is of course inherently trans, considering that I'm a perisex afab person. But I've had a sort of complicated relationship with the word nonbinary- I relate more closely to "genderqueer" as an umbrella, although in modern times the words are taken to mean the same thing, most people hear "nonbinary" and think "neither a man nor a woman" which I am not- I'm kind of binary, both of them. Genderqueer tends to have a connotation more closely to what I feel. If a survey or something asks for my gender and only offers "man" "woman" or "nonbinary" i waffle really bad and usually end up choosing man or nonbinary depending on the day, but I don't identify very strongly with it.

Most specifically I call myself bigender, because my experience centers around being a masculine woman and feminine man like. the intersection of drag king and david bowie. If I find any more terms that describe what I feel I would scoop them up like some sort of creature

21- What are you favorite things about being multigender?

I really do love the freedom that comes with realizing that I identify with both womanhood and trans manhood and everything in between. I used to be so worried about passing and doing the Right Things to be trans and trying to stifle my feminine interests to be seen as genuinely trans. It's so much easier to realize I can just be both, and allow myself to feel kinship and happiness being seen both ways. It also pisses people off SO bad which I love<3.

While I am not native and am not two-spirit, I also just have so much love and appreciation for all those different people in the past and present (like my boyfriend @kn11ves :])who have always been able to recognize and express identities that are not just one thing, over thousands of different cultures in different ways. It makes me so very happy.

30- What do you wish more people knew about being multigender?

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT FOREVER AND NO ONE CAN STOP YOU, AMEN.

There is no greater joy than allowing yourself to be literally everything you want. I am so happy to be trans i am so happy to be a man and a woman and a dyke and a faggot. I'm holding hands with everyone and it's amazing.

[beaujagr]

this is great art but I cannot tell you how much, as someone who strongly identified with Ken and Allan for different but similar reasons and wanted Ken to redeem himself from his mistakes, I was so grateful that this was NOT the song - because Wonderwall was my song with one of my exes, who was abusive and the opposite of Ken in every way. I feel like Push fit much better narratively, because Kens are supposed to be a parallel to women in the real world while simultaneously representing the toxic and insidious nature of how patriarchal structures prey on our binary and heteronormative societal norms and encourage us to embrace supremacy, and Push itself was originally written about the impulse toward reactive abuse when being abused, in the case of a man being emotionally or physically abused by a woman and wanting to take back his agency but only knowing how to do so through violence... (like legit Rob Thomas has said that it is about that experience)

...WHICH FITS A LOT because even if Barbie and Ken were not aligned on their relationship's intent, Ken was made with the believe that he existed FOR Barbie and that they WERE in a relationship, and regardless of what was demonstrated in Barbie's world they are clearly influenced by the Real World concepts of relationships, politics, etc., and Kens were not even given places to sleep, and were expected to be there simply to prop up the Barbies in their own power (which they didn't even need!), and to have no sense of identity or self-ownership or freedom without the Barbies, so her constant dismissal of his affection and denial of their relationship beyond name without ever explaining - especially while Barbie can do whatever she wants and find joy however she wants - does feel very much like the role of person in a neglectful and emotionally abusive relationship, even if Barbie never intended to do that.

I just can't get over the perfect choice of song, even if the context of it is made into stereotype. But, since some of the Kens at least had a close friendship if not some kind of intimacy that had enthusiasm with their Barbie as shown with some of them in the ending, then it makes sense how Ken, with Barbie treating him as just an accessory and at a distance, would feel - especially once exposed to supremacy culture through the Patriarchy - as though he had to fight to be treated with respect because the person who he felt had power over his agency was abusing that power, even though she never meant to do so (and how would he know she never meant to, if it had always been that way?).

LIKE. It's so good, and Wonderwall wouldn't have fit the narrative. I wonder if part of why some men interpret Barbie as mean or unkind to men is because all of the men are depicted as mostly without agency unless they are being The Bad Guy, and often just framed as hapless when they're being innocuous, and not only are those stereotypes both used in progressive spaces to approve who is a Good Guy (either the idea that you let women make all the decisions or you're not Progressive, or if you are going to be appreciated as a masculine person who is "safe" but also allowed to be strong you have to be unintelligent and infantalized - we see these issues often with whether men will be allowed in progressive spaces, including and especially with transmasc folks and trans men)...

...which kind of seems a lot like how if women have agency in media they're often villains or "bitchy," and can't be trusted, while if they want to operate in men's spaces and be feminine they have to be bimbos who are unintelligent and infantalized...

oh yeah, it's almost like they did a really good job with the parallels there.

Plenty of men who may be bothered by it are largely just sexist and misogynist, but I think it's also just striking to people to see themselves framed in this way even if it's still understanding of their plight. When I was watching it I was often reminded of my experiences in femme spaces before I came out and especially shortly after I came out, where I was ejected from spaces for being too masculine before I even adopted masculine presentation OR behaviors, and in order to be a part of queer and progressive spaces, I had to just accept people constantly trashing masculine people and also try to dial back any of my expression that was masculine any time I wanted to contribute in an intelligent way to dialogue.

The reality is that ending the supremacist and binarist standards we hold and making space for all genders to exist with agency, autonomy, and respect is the goal, but that we need everyone on board for that, and people from all backgrounds are going to need to reject supremacy culture for that to happen - and that includes people who aren't men. My ex who abused me that I shared Wonderwall as a song with was a progressive white woman, and I know that it wasn't because she was a woman. There's always more to it than that!

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you...

[the-faceless-amalgam]

Hi, so introduction here. Written by L, I will introduce myself later as I introduce everyone here. But first, a quick description of the body we all share.

We are about 5'11', white with an average build I'd say, we have a tummy but honestly that should be average. The body is undergoing gender confirming hormone therapy towards femininity (MtF) as that is more comfortable for the majority and there are no folks being upset by it. We generally, mostly due to me being the front person most of the time, are dressed in an alternative style somewhere in the Goth, Grunge and Punk triangle.

So, introductions to everyone in the system. These may well get edited as this will be our pinned post, even if this blog is primarily for me to wax academic about experiences and reflect on the way everything feels.

L - 26y/o, body adjacent age. Body associating in body image. (They/Them)

I am kind of the face for the system, the person that has unintentionally defined us all very strongly. I identify as trans feminine non-binary, I'm ace spectrum pan. I was a blind front until 2 years ago (in 2024) when I found out due to counselling with a therapist who had specialized in dissociative conditions. To my understanding I have been around in the head since the body was 9-11. I am a youth worker by occupation, I love to build worlds for TTRPGs and I am also a massive motorcycle dyke (dyke in the gender sense more so than the sexuality sense).

T - 26y/o, body adjacent age. Does not associate the body with their body image.

T is a very outgoing and excited person. T is a cis woman from her perspective, pansexual and ace spectrum. T has been very close with myself (L) in the head for some time and we have learned a lot from each other but do want to stay as separate people. T is a lot more aware of the system and has been around for a very long time in a range of ways. T dates and enjoys going out for drinks and generally sits in a very adult joy space.

J - 18(?)y/o. Body adjacent image but masculine and younger.

J likes music a lot and is very supportive and kind. He also, unlike most of the folks in the system, has a dialect and accent more in line with the council estate area we grew up in. This has caused me anxiety as people who know mine and the generally RP accented voice may mistake this for appropriation of or mockery of folks with this accent and dialect. However there is also classism on my part baked into that from parenting. J likes to play music in the head which can be nice when it's not too distracting. J and T often watch period dramas such as Downton and Bridgerton together which is cute.

A - 30y/o. Body adjacent image with the beard we used to have and ginger hair.

A started out from my perspective as a cleaner, just a guy who popped in when I was overwhelmed and cleaned my flat while I was asleep. Turned out he was a whole ass guy not just a fragmented bit of us. A takes care of the kids and the folks that can't cope and still cleans up but we try to share more. He likes "golden age of TV" shows like Mad Men and Breaking Bad. He also enjoys Formula 1. A is a gay guy and is aromantic, which is a big standout in the head as we're generally soppy romantics. A recently merged with a protector who was becoming disillusioned and angry because they're job of keeping me (L) unaware of having the condition had failed, this has had some effects on A's personality but not much.

M - 55/56y/o. Does not associate their body image with the body.

M is the angry Scottish man who got locked in a pub so I wouldn't get angry at things. He's from Glasgow much like part of the body's family and generally operates as an inside the brain voice, letting us know it's ok to be angry and ranting. He's also very insightful and very funny, he enjoys Johnny Cash a lot and when I come to if he's been about there's a chance out Johnny Cash record will be on.

P - Age Fluctuating. Uncertain of Body Image

P holds a lot of trauma, having lived near the dump or box in the head where we put things we can't deal with they have come to hold a lot of that. I don't know P very well, A looks after and makes sure they are ok but generally I will start to cry uncontrollably if P is around at the same time as me and then I will lose time. The one thing I do know is that P enjoys Vivaldi's Operas as they are always playing when I come back.

K - 8y/o. Body adjacent body image.

K is the kid, they're happy and cute. They like Ghibli movies and cartoons generally and they seem to have a friendship group inside the head that mirrors our adult friends in an age appropriate way for them. A takes care of them a lot and I try to help by making space for them, getting them snacks they like and watching TV with them.

C - C is a cat.

I don't really know how or why. There's just a bit of my brain that's a cat, I grew up with cats and I have a cat myself so that's a likely axis of cause. Mostly the cat comes out at home and, well, cat naps.