#i hope you feel as called out by this as i do lmao
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Right again ▪ Tom Riddle x f!reader
Requested: No
Pairing: Tom Riddle x f!reader (+ SPOILER x f!reader)
Summary: Tom, who always thought relationships were meaningless, changed his mind when he met y/n. He plans on telling her how he feels, however, it doesn't go as planned, and he finds himself to be right - again.
Word count: 1.1K
Warnings: Fluff; angst; English is not my first language.
A/N: It wasn't supposed to be this long lmao. I will write the same plot with Mattheo, Draco, Lorenzo and Theo in the future - hopefully with a better title lol. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS FLOP OR YOU WON'T SEE ME ON HERE AGAIN LOL. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Sorry for the typos. Hope you enjoy it! xx
Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus @wolfyychan @blocked-zombieartist
Tom Riddle was in his dorm, one of the only places in Hogwarts where he could be by himself, and where he could be doing the things he enjoyed the most - studying and reading, both in silence. But, despite being currently sitting on his desk - always perfectly arranged -, he was not currently reading a book or studying. Instead, he was doing something he never thought he would do and was feeling something he never thought he would feel: thinking about a girl, and being nervous about a girl.
Contrary to Mattheo and his friends, Tom has never cared for relationships - he could barely bear being around Mattheo’s friends if serious, meaningful discussions or activities weren’t involved. Sure, he cared for Mattheo, more than he cared to admit, because they were of the same blood. And for Tom, blood was one of the things that mattered the most, alongside loyalty, knowledge and influence.
And y/n.
Tom had always thought Mattheo was the only person he could ever care for - after all, they needed to have some sort of loyalty towards each other if they wanted to have a chance to fight their father - but, just like he was surprised to learn he did not want to follow his father in his quest for tyranny, Tom was surprised to find himself caring for y/n.
Just like he had never cared for friendship, Tom had never cared for love. He did not think it was a weakness as his father did, but he did think it was not as important as people made it out to be. And, also, why care for love when something terrible, something that would likely cost lives was being prepared?
But then again, y/n challenged that idea. Despite being in the same house and the same year, it took Tom several years to properly notice her. He knew she was one of Mattheo’s close friends outside of his usual group, and that gave them occasions to spend time together. Strangely, Tom had first found her company more tolerable than the others - she seemed to understand his will for silence, deep conversations and his interests, seemed to have the same thirst for knowledge. She was kind as well, having what people called “a heart of gold”, always ready to help anybody in need. She was also warm and funny, two things she shared with Mattheo, and it usually didn’t take people enough to want to be her friend. Tom had considered y/n the closest thing he had to a friend, and he thought he would stay that way until, one day, he saw her and Mattheo sitting closer to each other than usual, and he felt something strange, something he didn’t expect to feel, and something he struggled to understand - jealousy. He didn’t think it was that at first, but it became obvious it indeed was jealousy when he found himself wishing that he was the one sitting next to her, and not Mattheo.
From that moment, he kept thinking about y/n in ways he had never done before - how beautiful she was, how he loved her smile, how he wanted to hold her hand, to smell her addictive perfume, to be the person who mattered most to her… how he wanted to hold and kiss her. He had considered those thoughts as foolish at first and tried to not have them, but everytime he was with y/n, they came back running, and he sometimes had to restrain himself from sitting closer to her just to smell her perfume when they were in class, or to hold her hand when they were studying in the library. He didn’t have anybody to ask questions to - Mattheo would laugh at him - so, like he always did, Tom gave himself the answer: it was love. At first, he thought it was only temporary and it didn’t even cross his mind to tell her about it, but he was forced to admit that, instead of disappearing, those feelings became stronger with each day passing. The idea displeased him, and he tried to avoid y/n so these feelings would go away, but it was in vain, and only made him miss y/n - and made him love her more. But one day, as he was sitting on his desk busy thinking about her instead of studying, the idea of just telling her how he felt seemed right. Of course, the idea of rejection secretly terrified him, but he would accept simply being her friend. y/n deserved a loyal, sincere friend and that is what Tom was. All she had to do was give him a chance he could be the boyfriend - the word seemed so meaningless compared to what he felt - she deserved, a boyfriend who would be loyal, caring, sincere, and who would put her and her needs and safety first.
Thus, he got her favorite flowers, and, having thought about what to say to her for hours, decided to go and ask her to have a moment of her time. And now the time had come. He grabbed the bouquet, and, trying to pull himself together, left his dorm. At that hour, y/n should be in the common room. With a bit of luck, she would be alone. Tom headed for the common room, which was nearly empty except for two first years laughing. He started looking for y/n, and his heart, which had started to beat faster with nervosity and hope, almost broke.
y/n was indeed here, standing in a corner of the room - kissing Mattheo, who had a hand on her waist and the other in her hair. He broke the kiss, looked at her in a way Tom had never seen him and y/n had a smile before Mattheo pressed his lips on hers like he couldn’t help it.
Tom took a step back, and the only thing that stopped him from dropping the bouquet was the noise he knew it would make. He turned around and quickly yet silently went back to his dorm - where the flowers finally met the ground. His back against the door, he almost wanted to laugh now. How could he have been so foolish? It should have been obvious to him from the start that y/n, warm and kind y/n, would prefere Mattheo, Mattheo would everybody loved or at least fond of, who had no problems making friends and be with people, Mattheo who had never been anything like their father. Mattheo, who people didn’t intimidate or rightfully found cold and strange.
You’ve won, brother.
As always, Tom Riddle found he had been right. Love was meaningless, and he should never have cared for it - should have never cared for her - in the first place.
He was right, but for the first time in his life, he wished he wasn’t.
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#hp#harry potter#tom riddle#tom riddle x you#tom riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x you#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x you#lorenzo berkshire x reader#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x you#draco malfoy x reader#blaise zabini#blaise zabini x you#blaise zabini x reader#regulus black#regulus black x you#regulus black x reader#hp fic#masterlist#slytherin house#slytherin boys#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you
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Redesign concepts of Webmaster and Feathers
After a year
WEBMASTER
My biggest problem with the Webmaster design is how cluttered it seems; there's just a lot going on here. So I tried to calm it down a bit; I took away one pair of legs to make him less cluttered but keep (more or less) original body lenght. And I know that in his episode Jun says “if something has eight legs, she doesn't like it,” refering to spiders, but I think eight limbs works too.
I also played around a bit with his colors and markings. As well as body structure and proportions, noting this dragon's show-off skill - spinning webs.
When he puffs up his “cheeks” just before he spits, you can hear a sticky, mushy sound - you know that something is going on inside. The muscles are moving and pushing something with a sticky, gluey consistency. I would like it to be somewhat repulsive.
When he spits silk in attack it does not come out as big ball of burning web. It's more like net in "V" shape, in form of many separate threads of silk shooted at the same time. Similar to actual spiders, but on the bigger scale. His webs also don't burn; I feel like it's an overkill.
I changed the arrangement of his forelegs slightly. I know it's not quite in line with the style of HTTYD (see Speed Spingers' front limbs) but in his case I think arranging his hands in a similar way to therizinosaurus gives him a more menacing look.
Deadly Spinners are dragons that give a very unpleasant first impression. They are not the most beautiful dragons around (at least not by the standard) and their behavior can be repulsive to some. The type of dragon that people are willing to pin an unfriendly, sometimes unfair patch on more easily than on other dragons - as many people do with spiders or snakes and other similiar animals.
Deadly Spinners don't live in large groups - either small groups or solo. But when they are in a group they have very close bonds and spend a lot of time socializing among themselves.
FEATHERS
She is a challenge to me, not gonna lie. She definitely is the most changed among my redesigns so far. She just seems very basic to me.
The most bothering thing to me about her are those "feathers". Because, Alex in s1ep3 calls these "feathers", as well as Olivia in s5ep2, wiki calls these "feathers-like scales", but they can move and are thick what implies they are more like Furies'/Night Light's head numbs? I absolutely can pass the crowns as feathers, but Queen's horns and holes in her meaty tail were here the last straw to not to
And yes, I made a shitty video because I'm really confused and wanted that confusion express lmao. I hope Tumblr won't take it down.
So idk, I wanted to clarify what the frick those things are and go from there. I had two main ideas - either give her actual feathers or quills similiar to those of Bewilderbeast. When drawning I wasn't sure about either idea but finally decided for the latter one. Feels more HTTYD-like I think? And very flammable feathers don't seem like the best survival choice when almost every other animal around can spit fire.
I reimagine Featherhides as way more nervous and skittish dragons. Changewings were mysterious but usually seemed calm and strategical. Featherhides' nature is more in type of "flee" than "fight" (tho they can get so smoke when needed, they are not defensless or smth). They are very easy to spook and sometimes will flee in panic from something very trival just to return seconds later when they realise there was no danger at all, or are curious of whatever scared them. They often make rapid little movements, much like birds - especially if something catches their eye and they are not sure what it is.
Featherhides also live in large flocks without a complex hierarchy. If they can - they run, if any of them can't - at least some of them also stay behind.
Once Feathers bonds with Alex she would be very protective of her little human.
When Featherhides mimic sounds they do not do weird things with their faces like in the show. It looks much more like like some birds do that. But that's just a sidenote.
#I think I did fine job with them#Maybe it's just my ego#but I feel like these designs with some quips could be something we see as background dragons in movies#httyd#dragons the nine realms#tnr#httyd tnr#fan redesign#tnr webmaster#deadly spinner#tnr feathers#Featherhide#my art#doodles#httyd alex#alex gonzalez#httyd Eugene#Eugene Wong#Jun Wong#I mean she IS here
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hellou hi i have a question if you don't mind :]
so, i have been considering using the loveless label for a while because i relate to y'all heavily but there's one issue. while i don't think i experience love for other people in a way loving folk seem to describe love..? i very much want to BE loved
this is probably tied to my NPD, both the loveless and the needing love parts
basically my question is - can you still be considered a loveless aro(ace, apl etc.) if you desire to be loved (w/o being able to reciprocate)?
sorry if it's a stupid question because maybe it defeats the purpose? idk. i've searched all of the internet and couldn't find anything even close to an answer tho so yeah :')
hi anon, my apologies for taking so long to reply 😭 I don't have an excuse besides a somewhat busy schedule and "I suck at replying at reasonable times sometimes" lmao
Short answer: yes.
Long answer: the good thing about the loveless label is that it's deliberately meant as a very fluid and dynamic label, defined by its user first and foremost. Some people call themselves loveless because they don't feel love at all, while others may use it because the love they feel does not seem to fit societal expectations, or even because they do feel love, but it's not as intense/special/important to them as society deems it to be.
All of these are just examples, but it illustrates the many ways one can interpret this label for themself. If you feel it is a good descriptor of your experiences and you feel comfortable using it for yourself? Go for it! (And welcome to the community <2)
As someone who works to deconstruct the romanticized idea of love, though, I can't help but make a note on the "wanting to be loved" part. (To be clear: this is NOT a jab at you, anon, nor at anyone who might be feeling similar; moreso thoughts and advice you can chew on if you'd like, or ignore if you don't.) In a lot of people's minds, there's a very strong connotation between "love" and "any kind of positive treatment", and as such I think it's worth asking ourselves: what do I mean when I say I want to be loved? Do I want them to feel a certain way about me, to act a certain way around me? What kind of treatment am I expecting of people who say they love me?
Love is a very individual thing, and knowing what you mean by love can help both in figuring out those expectations and in communicating them towards others. It also helps deconstruct the idea that "action made from love = good & action made not of love = bad". People who love you can still hurt you (hence why it's good to know what treatment you want, besides being loved), and people can still act good to you without love being a motivating factor behind it.
I hope this helps!
#loveless#loveless aro#loveless aromantic#loveless aplatonic#loveless apl#loveless ace#loveless aspec#aspec#aromantic#asexual#aplatonic#arospec#aplspec#queer stuff
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Lorenzo Berkshire X Fem!Reader ???
Could you do a oneshot of the reader and Enzo being close friends? Basically they both secretly harbor feelings, but they don’t know how to tell each other. Reader starts to have spicy dreams about Enzo and get shy and flustered to be around him so she avoids him. Her bestie is Pansy. Basically, Pansy asks why reader has been so weird. Maybe a smutty ending between Enzo and Reader?
If Only | L.B
Pairing: Lorenzo Berkshire x Fem Slytherin Reader
WC: 5.9k+
Warnings/Notes: mild language, p in v, smut, fluff, angst…
Summary: Suddenly, you’re developing feelings for your best friend and you’re unsure what to do…
Authors Note: I suck at writing smut lmao I tried my best for the request and hope whoever requested this is happy! I’m soooooo sorry it took me so long to get to the request. While reading the request, it kind of sounded like something I read, but not completely you know, but it sounded familiar, so after going through my reading archives—I found the fic that it reminded me of. If you haven’t read it already, it’s called “Agora Hills” by @theostrophywife , so please go check out her piece! And her other work! It’s amazing! She is a super, super, super talented author!🤍
If someone were to ask you who your best friend was, you'd answer right away and tell them, "Lorenzo Berkshire."
There was no need for anyone to ask the question of course as it was pretty obvious. You two were always together. In fact, you guys were seen so often together that some began to question if you two were just friends. You were quick to deny the speculations and to shut any rumors down, but it didn't always help.
It didn't help that your own friend group also questioned your guys' relationship. You'd remind them it's "platonic" and it's just a "friendship" and not a "relationship". You begun to think that they enjoyed how flustered it made both you and Enzo.
Of course they choose to tease their two most empathetic, shy, and naive friends.
Out of your friend group, it was you who was the most empathetic. Sometimes your friends wondered how you got sorted into Slytherin. You were shy and always were timidly in the background. You weren't super confident in yourself mentally or physically. You were naive to the crudeness and cruelty ongoing around you. You were definitely the innocent one, a trait that your friends admired about you even though they sometimes secretly think your Hufflepuff or something.
You loved to tie a ribbon bow in your hair if that said anything. You use to do a pink ribbon, but everyone teased you for it, so you switched to an emerald green ribbon.
However, it was your friends who scared everyone away who teased you about your love for your bows. They loved your innocence, your naivety, your shyness, and your cuteness. You were like a female version of Enzo in their eyes, but a lot less exposed to the world compared to him. He hung out with the boys a lot because of Quidditch, so it was obvious he had not the most innocent mind.
Enzo and you have known each other since before Hogwarts. After all, your mothers were childhood best friends themselves and this wished the same for their future children. Your mothers were amazed when they ended up pregnant a few months apart. Enzo was older than you by four months, but you both were attached by the hip the moment you both met.
Your mothers believe the two of you are destined or something like that. They said they saw it the day they put their two babies in a room together. They claimed the sun brightened and that childish giggles were all they could hear as the two of your begun to play. Enzo and you always roll your eyes and smile, believing the two women were over exaggerating the day you two were introduced.
"Pans...could we talk about something?" You murmur.
The boys were practicing for their next Quidditch game on Friday against Ravenclaw. It was just Pansy, Astoria and you in the Common Room, but Astoria had fallen asleep while studying. Pansy was reading through her essay and you were trying to read your latest romance novel, but you couldn't quite focus.
"Yeah, of course! What's up?" She asks, looking up at you with a soft smile.
Her black hair was in its normal perfect bob, her green eyes sparkling in the soft glow from the fireplace. She was pale and had sharp features, light freckles dusting across her nose and cheeks. You were always envious of how perfect she looked.
You glanced around the Common Room, realizing it was just you three in the room which was rather strange, but you were thankful in the moment.
"I...I like someone, but I don't think I can like him." You admit softly, so softly she would have had missed it if she weren't accustomed to your soft tone.
"And why is that, honey?" She asks softly, sitting up as she angled herself more towards you.
"He's my friend. I doubt he likes me that way. Even if he did like me that way...I don't know if I could be with him. I'd be worried about losing him if things went array." You admit quietly, anxiously fidgeting with your hands.
"Hun, is this about Enz?" She asks softly, placing a hand over your fidgeting ones.
You look up from your hands, your cheeks flushing red as you meet her soft eyes and her soft smile. You nod slowly, your hair falling in your face, and you suddenly were thankful for the shield to protect you.
"What would you like to do? Would you like to find out where he stands?" She asks.
"I dunno...maybe...maybe I should wait. Maybe it'll go away." You mumble embarrassed.
"Okay, hun...why don't you talk to me after you wait and you're one hundred percent certain how you feel and I'll help you figure it out? How's that sound? It'll give you time to think about it and maybe I can sniff out some information for our next conversation." She says.
"Okay...thanks, Pans. You're the best." You murmur, hugging her.
She smiles, hugging you back as she waits until you pull away. You had always wondered about why she waited to pull away from a hug. You learned that she wanted to wait until the other person was ready to let go because maybe they really needed a hug. You loved that about Pansy and it made her hugs all the more special.
You both abruptly pull apart when the guys walk in as they talk and yell obnoxiously loud. Astoria had jumped and fallen off the armchair she was curled up on. You and Pansy softly giggle before helping her up and sort her notes back out.
"Our girls! How are you three?" Theodore asks, the group of tall men surrounding you girls.
"I'm tired." Astoria grumbles, curling back up in the armchair, looping an arm around your waist.
You smile softly as her, continuing to play with her hair as she snuggled closer to you.
"We are alright. You boys should go get showered before dinner." Pansy says, a smile on her lips.
"Don't you want a hug, baby?" Blaise pouts.
"Not with how sweaty you are. I'm sure your Quidditch husband would love a hug right now though." She says, rolling her eyes playfully.
You giggle, shaking your head. Blaise and Pansy were such an adorable couple who bantered playfully.
"Girl, you can't pull that on me when you got your school wife." Blaise snorts.
"True. I did get pretty lucky with this fine piece of woman." Pansy says, winking at you as she kisses your cheek.
You flush red at her words, looking down at your lap as you smile shyly. Your hair served as a barrier against the boys' eyes who of course were teasing you about your reaction to Pansy.
You glance up at Enzo to see him staring at your knees with furrowed brows. Your cheeks flush red as you had fallen up the stairs earlier today and had nearly dragged Pansy down. You had some nasty bruises on your knees now.
"Stori, we should go get ready for dinner." You murmur.
"Noooooo." She grumbles, holding you tighter.
"Yesssss, I'm hungry and I'm teetering towards being hangry." You whine.
"And a hangry her is never good." Pansy snorts.
"Hey!" You exclaim with a pout.
"She isn't wrong, love. You are a tad bit scary when you're hangry." Lorenzo says, offering you one of his famous crooked smile.
"Meanie, your suppose to stand up for me." You grumble, crossing your arms over your chest as your pout.
Pansy snorts, rolling her eyes as she watches Enzo's cheeks flush red and he diverts his eyes to the carpet. Theodore clears his throat, catching Pansy's attention and he polity motions to your chest. Pansy snorts, loving how Theodore was always such a gentleman and it explained Enzo's reaction.
"Hun, you've got a few buttons undone and you're pushing your boobs up. I can see your bra too." Pansy whispers.
You flush red and immediately button up the buttons that came undone, struggling as the blouse was a tad bit tight, but you managed.
"Alright! We'll shower and head to dinner. Wait for us?" Theodore asks.
"Yep. Oh! I remembered what I was gonna ask this morning! I need one of your guys' extra jerseys for Friday. I may of forgotten your guys' custom made one for me at my house over break." You admit shyly.
"You can have mine, love." Enzo says softly and you smile thankfully.
"You're the best, Enz! I'd give you a hug, but you are a little sweaty." You say softly.
"She means a lot sweaty, but she's just being nice." Pansy says, her nose crinkling as she looks at the sweaty boys.
The boys all look at each other before grinning and tackling you girls into a hug as you girls squeal and beg for it to stop. You were being held against Enzo's sweaty chest and you look up with a pout as your nose crinkles slightly.
"That's not really nice, now we are all gonna have to shower." You grumble, your hands resting on his chest.
"Oh? What was that? You want more hugs?" He asks, the three of you girls getting passed between the guys once more before you ended up in his arms again.
"Uhhhh, you guys are such jerks." Astoria grumbles sleepily from her boyfriend's hold.
"She isn't wrong." Pansy huffs, shoving Theodore and Blaise away.
"Come on Y/n/n, let's go shower real quick." Astoria mumbles sleepily, holding a hand out to you.
You take her hand, looking at Pansy who takes your other outstretched hand.
"Together?" Theodore asks, his cheeks flushed red as the guys gape at you three.
"Oh yeah, we are gonna just lather each other up with soap and wash each other hairs." Pansy says sarcastically, winking at them as she smirks.
"We technically have showered all at once on a few occasions. I mean we are best friends and we've seen it all before." Astoria says with a shrug.
"And if we are going to get to dinner on time, I guess we'll have no choice." Pansy says, sighing with fake disappointment.
"Uh, can I watch?" Theodore asks before getting smacked by the other guys.
"Uh, girlfriend?" Blaise says in a duh tone.
"We are husbands, we can share a wife." He says.
"My girlfriend." Draco says in a duh tone.
"And no one can see Y/n/n." Mattheo says, his eyes flickering to Enzo.
You start to lead the girls out of the Common Room, heading towards your guys' shared dorm—even though it was just you a majority of the time in here.
"Alright, we have to study hard tonight guys. You boys have a Quidditch game tomorrow and if you don't pass your tests tomorrow, you'll be benched." Pansy says, walking in front of the boys who sat in a line.
You couldn't help, but giggle as Pansy was practically a General of sorts for these boys. She looks at you sharply and raises one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.
"You got something to say over there, pipsqueak? I believe if you fail the tests you get a week of detention." She says and you groan, sinking down into a seat next to Blaise.
"Ha!" Astoria says, pointing at you.
"If you fail, you'll be in detention for two weeks and excluded from any extra curricular as well." Pansy scolds.
Astoria sighs and sits down, the group zoning out as Pansy rants before leading them to the library where they take up four tables, the four most needed subjects to be studied for. You were sat next to Enzo who was entirely focused on his studies.
You studied for an hour and still have an hour and a half before dinner which was when this study session was going to be ended. You decide to rest your eyes for a moment, completely unaware of what could have gone wrong.
"Enzo? What are you doing in here?" You ask softly.
His hair was tousled, almost as if he had run his hand through it. His eyes weren't their normal soft and welcoming brown. There was a darkness to them, an edge to them you haven't seen in those eyes before.
"I can't stand it when you're so kind to those fools, love. Can't you see that they just want your attention because they think you're pretty? They don't actually need your help." He says.
His voice sounded an octave deeper as he takes slow deliberate steps towards you. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"They just needed help, Enz. Why is it bothering you?" You ask softly, putting a hand on his arm.
"Because I see the way they look at you. They look at you the way I look at you. They want you, love. They want you like I want you." He murmurs, his eyes slowly looking over your face.
Your lips part in surprise as he wraps an arm around you, pulling you in. He leans down, kissing you hard. You kiss back softly, surprised by how soft his lips were despite the bruising force. His hands find your hips, slowly trailing down to the backs of your thighs. With a barely audible whisper of the word "jump", you do as your told, wrapping your legs around his waist.
His lips were on yours once more, climbing on the bed, slowly crawling up it before lying you down in the middle. He kisses down your jawline, unbuttoning your blouse with skilled fingers. He lifts you slightly, letting you shrug off the blouse as he reaches a hand behind you and undoes the clasp of your bra with two fingers.
"Enz." You whisper softly as he kisses down your neck.
Your fingers begin to undo the buttons to his button up, the two of you slowly working out of clothes. His pillow soft lips find yours once more and you tangle your fingers in his brown locks, holding him closer.
His lets a hand travel down between you both, groaning as he gathers your wetness on his fingers. You whimper, letting him toy with yours folds before pushing yourself in his hand as he pushes a finger inside of you.
"Enzo." You whimper, arching up to be closer to him.
"You're so pretty, baby." He murmurs, leaving marks behind on your neck.
You mind felt foggy, feeling as if you were in a state of shock because this was finally happening. This means he wants you too, right? He's had feelings all along?
"You gonna take my cock like a good girl, baby?" He murmurs, his lips brushing against yours as you looked up at him with your innocent eyes.
"Mhm, I will Enz." You whimper, squirming beneath him.
"You're my good girl, baby. My good and pretty girl." He murmurs as he slowly pushes his cock into you.
You whimper, your nails digging into his skin as you felt yourself stretch to accommodate him. His swollen lips find yours, swallowing your whimpers and soft moans.
He groans, his eyes fluttering closed as he rests his forehead against yours, letting you adjust.
"Oh Enz, you feel so good." You whimper, squirming once more.
He moves, leaving soft kisses on your neck as he starts to move his hips at a slow pace before he slowly picks up the pace. You moans grow louder and closer together as a coil of heat winds in your stomach.
"Such a pretty girl. Taking my cock so good. Mmm, you're such a good girl, baby. You're my good girl." He whispers.
"Your good girl, Enz, only yours." You whimpers
"That's right baby, only mine." He murmurs.
"I'm close, Enz." You whimper, your nails leaving behind bloody crescents in his arms.
"Cum for me, baby. Cum for me like the good girl you are." He murmurs.
"Enzo!" You cry out, coming around him.
He whimpers softly, feeling you squeeze around him. You whimper, feeling his warm seed coat your walls.
"Such a good girl, baby." He whispers into your hair.
"Need you, Enz." You whimper, your lips brushing against his cheek.
You jump awake, looking around slowly as your face flushed red. You realized everyone was still studying and you clench your thighs, feeling your soaked panties. You couldn't believe you just had a dream about your best friend—-right next to him.
"How was your nap, love? I promise I won't tell Pans. You needed it." He says, smiling softly at you.
"Uh, good. I...I'm going to go ahead and go a little early." You mumble.
"Oh? You okay? I can go with you." He says.
"No, that's okay. I-I just need some fresh air." You say.
"Oh...okay, see you later then?" He asks, smiling at you.
"Yeah, later." You whisper, grabbing your stuff and quickly leaving as you ignore Pansy's calls back.
"Here's Enzo's jersey. He said he tried to wait up for you, but you were taking too long." Pansy says, tossing it to you.
You chew at your lip nervously before you throw on the jersey. It was one from last year.
"I-uh-I dunno if I'm going to the game." You murmur.
"What!? This is the big game. At least one of the two. It's against Gryffindor!" She snaps.
"Easy." Astoria scolds.
"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." You mumble, scurrying away as she sighs and calls for you.
You hole yourself up in the bathroom until it's literally minutes until you had to leave. You slide the jersey back on, putting your hair in a ponytail with a green and silver ribbon. You slide your skirt on, tugging at it before rolling your eyes.
It was Astoria’s turn to do laundry this week which probably meant she forgot and did some spell which shrunk your guys' clothes—again. You slide your shoes on before you make your way to the field alone. You couldn't quite get to the girls because the stands were so packed, so you stood a few rows up. You huff as you feel someone keep tugging on your ponytail.
You ignore it and focus on the game that began. They were currently matching up and you saw Enzo looking at the stands. You smile awkwardly when he spots you and he waves so you do the same before you see his frown as he focuses on the person behind you who was still tugging on your ponytail. You huff and pull it away again, turning around to glare at them.
"Please stop it. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I was pulling on your hair." You scold softly.
"Awww, she can't even stand her own ground. So soft spoken and she says please. God, you are a disgrace to the Slytherin house." He cackles.
He was a year above you and you frown at him, your eyes watering and you turn around, looking down as you cross your arms over your chest.
You ignore the tugging on your ponytail and try to focus on the game, Gryffindor was winning because Enzo kept missing hits as he was watching the stands. Your ribbon is pulled free and your hair was whipping everywhere because the wind. You turn around and try to snatch your ribbon back, but he holds it above your head.
"Give it back you jerk!" You exclaim, trying to grab it.
"God, you are pathetic. Who wears ribbons in their hair? You act like a child all the time and hide around those jerks who think they run the Slytherin house." He laughs.
He elbows you when you managed to get a hold on it. This was your favorite ribbon. It was from Enzo a few years back. You stumble and fall down. One of the first year girls help you up, offering you a sad smile.
"And Berkshire is heading for the stands along with the Riddle twins. It seems that...Anderson is picking on Y/l/n." Neville announces.
"Give it back to her, Anderson." Enzo says.
"And leave her alone or we'll punch your face in." Mattheo warns.
"Pathetic." Anderson hisses at you, giving you the ribbon.
"What did he say, love?" Enzo asks.
You shake your head, looking away.
"Arms up." Mattheo says.
Your eyebrows furrow, but you do as he says. Both he and Tom grab a hand and lift you slightly where you feet were a few inches off the ground, to the front row with Pansy and Astoria to ensure Anderson won't bother you again. Pansy takes your ribbon and gently gathers your hair into a ponytail before tying it. Enzo was a lot more focused on the second half of the game and somehow Slytherin managed to win.
You knew there was an elaborate party planned. You were feeling a bit insecure about you place with your friends after Anderson, so you branched off from the girls who were waiting for their boyfriends. You reach your dorm, curling into a ball on your bed and falling asleep.
You were sitting in the Common Room with the girls again. It was a little over a week since the big win against Gryffindor. The boys were practicing for their next match even though it was Saturday.
You had managed to avoid Enzo since the game against Gryffindor and somehow managed the same at yesterday's game. You managed to find an excuse as to why you couldn't do movie night last week. You tried to find a way to distance yourselves from the girls, the thing Anderson said really bothered you, but Pansy wasn't having it.
"What's going on with you? You've been acting strange." She notes, closing her book.
Astoria looks up from her notes and focuses on the conversation. You frown, playing with the hem of your skirt and sigh.
"Am I...childish?" You ask.
"What? No! Why would you think that?" She asks.
"Anderson said something about me being childish and that I hide around your guys." You mumble.
"Anderson is an asshole. You aren't childish. We love you the way you are and you don't hide around us. You are equally as apart of our group. No one hides." She says, smiling at you.
"Okay." You murmur, smiling slightly.
"Now, what's going on with you and Enz? You've been avoiding him." She says.
"Nothings going on. I haven't been avoiding him." You say quickly.
"You have. He's been real upset about it. He thinks he did something wrong. You canceled on movie night with him last week and you owled him to tell him you didn't think you'd be able to do it tonight. You've got nothing to do and we know that, so what's up?" Astoria asks.
"I...I realized that after these past few weeks that those feelings I've grown to develop for Enz haven't gone anyway. They are getting stronger. I...have you guys ever had a dream about one of the guys?" You ask.
"No, I can't say I have." Astoria says.
"I have. I used to have dreams about Blaise and I before we got together." Pansy says with a grin.
"I've had a dream about all three of you." Mattheo says.
"Same." Theodore says, the pair walking in together
"Where's the others?" Astoria asks.
"Showering. Don't worry." Theodore says.
"Wait...you had a dream about Enz, didn't you?" Astoria asks in shock as she looks back at you.
You nod, your cheeks flushing red as you use your hair as a shield to hide from the four sets of shocked eyes.
"Enz has been torn up this past week. He thinks you hate him or something." Mattheo says.
"Turns out you fancy him! Wait until he hears this." Theodore laughs.
"Tone it done, boys. No one is saying anything. This is her business. Honey, I think it's time you talk with Enz. You're hurting not only him, but yourself by keeping this distance between you guys. It's obvious your feelings for him are growing. It's time you talk about it. Maybe he feels the same." Pansy says softly.
"No. It's fine. Maybe if I ignore it long enough it'll go away. I don't wanna lose him because he doesn't feel the same, Pans. I can't tell him." You say, shaking your head as you pull your knees to your chest.
"Honey, you need to say something." She says softly.
"No. It's fine. It'll be fine. I've been avoiding him, yes, but I'll put an end to that today. I...I should go get snacks for the movie night. Maybe make two pallets...no, he'll still think he's done something wrong if we aren't cuddling like normal." You mumble, thinking more to yourself than talking to your friends who felt bad for you.
"Practice was great!" Enzo exclaims, walking in with his hair dripping wet.
You were completely oblivious as you mumbled to yourself about different snacks and film titles, but then since you have to go out and get the snacks, you started to make a list in your head of some other things you needed.
"Is she okay?" Enzo asks quietly as he looks over you.
"I believe she's just making a list of items she's gonna grab when she heads into town real quick. See, snacks, clothes because Astoria shrunk ours again—wait! Astoria! You shrunk our clothes again!" Pansy exclaims.
"I didn't mean to!" She exclaims.
You get up, heading to your dorm, unaware that Enzo was following you. You sit at your desk and start to make a list.
"Love, can we talk?" He asks.
"Argh!" You exclaim, you hand knocking the ink pot over.
You mumble curses as you hurry to clean it up before turning to Enzo with a sheepish smile. He smiles slightly.
"O-Of course, sorry. I've been kinda in my head all day today." You admit shyly.
"Is something bothering you?" He asks.
"No, no, of course not. What do you wanna talk about?" You ask.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" He asks.
"I haven't been avoiding you, Enz. I've just been a tad bit busy is all." You say, smiling softly at him.
"So you have time for our movie night tonight?" He asks.
"Mhm. I just have to grab snacks. Anything you want?" You say.
"Just you, love." He says cheekily, winking at you.
"I-oh-well I'm getting snacks anyway. I have to get me some new clothes again anyway." You say shyly.
"You could just wear my shirts...or nothing, but whatever suits your boat, love." He says, smiling as he leaves.
Pansy walks in with raised brows and she gives you a grin when she sees your dropped jaw.
"I believe Enz just suggested he rather see me in his clothes or naked." You mumble.
"Okay...Enz is here, check...snacks is a check, as are the drinks...extra blankets is a check...I feel like I'm forgetting something. Am I forgetting something?" You ask as you look back at your list.
Enzo was lying on your bed, his arms behind his head as he watched you pace with your clipboard and quill.
"You right next to me." He says and your cheeks flush red.
"Enz, I'm being serious. Something is missing. Or am I going bonkers?" You ask.
"In my eyes you've always been a bit bonkers, but in the cutest most adorable way you can be bonkers. Nothing is missing though. I think you're overthinking per usual." He says.
"Jerk." You grumble.
You take your sweater off, leaving you in a white tank top and your skirt. You carefully climb onto the bed, careful not to flash him as Astoria unfortunately shrunk your guys' underwear as well and Enzo talked you out of clothes shopping today as he wanted to watch two films.
You start the movie, bringing the blankets up more as you were cold.
"Why are you so far away? Get over here, love." He says.
You scooch over slowly until he rolls his eyes and wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. You sigh softly, resting your head on his shoulder and resting a hand above his heart. He rubs circles on your exposed side, slowly going higher. It wasn't strange for him to do this. Enzo was a very touchy person when it came to showing his affection.
"What was your dream about?" He asks.
"What?" You mumble confused.
"Your dream about me. You were talking about it earlier today. What was it that I was doing to you?" He asks.
"Oh...you heard about that...which means you heard everything after that too." You whisper as your nerves begin to start.
You go to get up, but he rolls over so that you're beneath him. You look up at him with wide eyes.
"You aren't going anywhere, pretty girl. We are going to talk about this." He says seriously.
"I-uh-oh." You splutter, your cheeks flushed red as your heart races.
"Is it hard to believe I like you too, love? I thought I had been making it pretty obvious." He mumbles, his eyes flickering over your face.
"You like me?" You squeak.
"Mhm, quite a bit. I never thought you'd like me, but then I overheard the conversation earlier and it was like a new hope for me." He admits.
"Enz...I never would've thought you would like me. I just thought you saw me as your best friend." You admit shyly.
"You'll always be my best friend, love. But, now we can be more too." He admits.
Your eyes flicker to his lips, wondering if they are as soft as they were in your dream. His eyes darken, catching where your eyes were focused. He leans down, kissing your lips softly. You hum softly as you kiss back, tangling your fingers in his hair.
He trails a hand between you both, ghosting over your stomach before trailing down your thigh. You whimper as he moves his hand back up your thigh, moving it beneath your skirt. You try to squeeze your legs close, but he was in between your legs.
His fingers brush against your wet folds as he pulls away with a grunt. His eyes find yours and you flush red under his intense gaze.
"No panties?" He asks.
"N-No, Stori shrunk our clothes again." You whisper.
"Such a dirty girl, aren't you?" He murmurs, leaning down and kissing the column of your neck.
You let a shaky breath out as your eyes fluttered closed. You push yourself down closer to his hand that was between your legs. You whine softly as he rubs the sensitive bundle of nerves.
"Enzo, please." You plead, squirming beneath him.
"So impatient, baby." He murmurs, nipping at your neck and eliciting a gasp from you.
Before you could scold him to hurry up, he was working his pants off. Your fingers went to his loosely buttoned dress shirt where you begin to unbutton it. He shrugs it off after kicking his boxers and pants off.
He starts to pull your skirt down as you stare at his hard cock that was thick and long, a vein bulging out the side of it, the head an angry red and oozing precum.
You sit up and take off your tank top, before lying back down. He hovers above you, kissing your lips so softly as he praises you and calls you beautiful as he sinks into you. You arch up into him, your nails dragging down his back as your walls stretch to accommodate him.
"Enzo!" You moan, his lips swallowing the sweet sound.
"Your alright baby, you're doing so good. Taking my cock like the little cock slut you are, aren't you?" He murmurs into your ear.
You clench around him, the dirty name making something twist inside of you as you let a breathy moan out. You never expected Enzo to say such dirty things.
"Enz!" You cry, arching your back off the bed as his thrusts speed up.
You squirm, feeling the overwhelming pressure building. He holds your hips, his teeth leaving marks all over your skin, leaving his claim. He wanted everyone to know that you were his. Now that he had you, there was no letting go.
"That's it baby, keep taking my cock like a good girl. You feel so good around my cock, so fucking tight." He says, his voice deeper—huskier.
You wished he'd keep quiet just for the fact that hearing him like that—was because of you and that made a whole new feeling wash over you.
His lips slant over yours, the two of your lips moving in sync. You follow his lead, sinking back further into the bed and he follows, deepening the kiss. Your hands get lost in his hair as he bites your bottom lip, swallowing your whimper as he deepens the kiss once more.
His tongue glides across your bottom lip, before teeth were clashing as the kiss got too intense. You both pull away, chests heaving as you both tried to catch your breath.
"Thank you, Pansy. I really appreciate it." You say, smiling softly as she helped cover all the hickeys.
"I get it. Eventually, he'll get a little control over himself. The boys, especially our boys, are all about staking their claim. I don't get it entirely either, but if it helps them sleep at night, so be it." She says, laughing softly and you join her.
You both walk to breakfast, getting lost in your guys' normal conversation. You were unaware of Enzo's eyes on you as you walked in.
His lips part, seeing you wearing an olive green sundress that ended a little above mid thigh. Your hair was down and the smile on your face lit up the whole room.
"You're staring." Theodore chuckles.
"Fuck, she's so hot...wait a damn minute. One, she covered her hickeys and two, there's over a seventy five percent chance that if she moves the wrong way in that dress she will flash someone." Enzo says, sitting up straighter.
"Look...I learned the hard way, but you've just got to trust her. Don't make the mistakes I did and make the foundation rocky in the beginning." Blaise says.
He sighs, looking at his plate as you and Pansy take a seat. He looks up and has to take a deep breath. He hated how much cleavage was on show, because he knew people would see you like this.
You looked beautiful.
But, he hated the idea of other men seeing you this way. He remembered his plan and reached beneath the table for the bouquet of flowers. Your lips part as he hands you the assortment of flowers.
"Will you be my girlfriend, Y/n/n?" He asks, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as the boys whoop and tease him.
You smile and look at him like he was the only man in the world—a look that made him melt.
"I'd love to, Enz." You say softly.
The whole table whoops louder before being quieted by Professor Snape. You smile at Enzo, feeling really good about this.
#masterlist#harry potter universe#angst#mrsriddles-blog#mrsriddles-blogunhinged#mrsriddles-blogisblogging#request#lorenzo betkshire oneshot#lorenzo berkshire x female reader#lorenzo berkshire fanfic#lorenzo berkshire x you#lorenzo berkshire fluff#lorenzo berkshire imagine#lorenzo berkshire x reader#lorenzo berkshire smut#lorenzo berkshire#enzo berkshire x reader#enzo berkshire#enzo berkshire x you
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what your fave parx album (or technically ep) says about you, imo:
- airplane conversations:
we get it youre scene
- blacklight:
we get it youre emo and youve got Big Dreams
- cluster:
youre probably a bit of a simp and just generally in your head a lot, also oo pretty grunge aesthetics
- double dare:
warped tour has shaped half of your personality, the other half has been shaped by your middle school experiences. youve got taste, but youre probably nostalgic or a parx elitist
- entertainment:
youre DEFINITELY a simp, and it has bitten you in the ass your whole life. but hey at least youre fun at parties
- fandom:
youve been thru enough relationship problems to start your own couples counseling probably (but it wont be a great one because you still dont know how to get over your ex(es))
- greatest hits:
congrats on the adhd diagnosis, but condolences about The Horrors. youre the friend that looks the most put together but has the most unhealthy coping mechanisms of the group
- intellectual property:
you either have bpd, have been in too many relationships with people who have it, or youre the parx fan who will be least embarrassed to have control of the aux because a lot of it can be found on the radio (but if you play any from this youll get a sideeye)
#i hope you feel as called out by this as i do lmao#waterparks#parx#awsten knight#geoff wigington#otto wood#bandom#airplane conversations#blacklight#cluster#double dare#entertainment#fandom#greatest hits#intellectual property#albums#alternative#pop punk#pixie#emo#music#warped tour#personality quiz
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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whoever told the writers vietnam uses the US dollar was fully lying btw
#sherlock and co#this case. hurts me. ngl I am just..... not into it#like. idk it feels kinda foolish to have put so much work into figuring things out around it now#theres like a certain point where I just kinda have to step back and acknowledge that no this show's. not what I hoped it'd be#Im gonna be doing the ''it's not at all a bad show it's just white'' routine for a Long time lmao but yeah just. it all comes down in time#well. I have to... get a few calls in. pull out of an event. shouldve caught up before I signed up lmao that's my fault#also for the record you exchange money at the airport when you arrive and no storefront takes foreign currency randomly#source: I am vietnamese and live in vietnam
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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🕸🎀˚.⁺⊹
#so i have an appt. to the psychiatric department for personality disorders tmrw...#and like i tried sending a self referral to them last year lmao#and they only said that heyyy you're doing amazing sweetie you are high functioning 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻#then i've ben to the health care center and since they think they cant treat me bc it's too severe they've sent referrals to other places#which have all declined me... so they also sent one to the psychiatric who sent a referral to this pd department#who that time also said that they can't accept me#so the therapist at the health care center like idk exactly but she sent a report on how they didnt handl my case properly#which made them call on me for an evalutation appt.#but i have 0 hopes. i honestly think the entire psych care is fucking lame and bullshit#i highly doubt they're even equipped to treat personality disorders#& even if they are theire budgetis getting cut bc ppl love having rightists ruling the government .... which means no funds for healthcare#anyway. PLUS it's a man.... -_- which reducuses my chances of being taken seriously even more...#i also hate talking to male therapists/psychiatrists... no fucking thanks. but i have to </3#i just really dont wanna go. like im gonna have to put energy into trying to argue for my right for treatment. w ppl who should inferstand#UNDERSTAND* i hate typing on my ipad ffs. they should understand my personality disorders..#bit health care proffessionals are horrible ppl and dont give a fuck abt their patients lol. so they're only condescending and rude 🤢🤮#i hate being in these environments bc everyone treats u like shit. the receptionists are so fkn rude and almost outright mean and insulting#the doctors and therapists and psychiatrists are all bullies who look down on u and make u feel small and worthless#so im really dreading it... but im also at my wit's end. i am missing out on my entire life. im desperate for help#even if i wholeheartedly believe that these worthless wastes of space wont give me any treatment i'll still need to go and try#then ig i'll just have to keep pestering the healthcare system. i might wventually even have to start going to the psych. ER so they put#that on my records and like idk. that costs money tho. plus from everyone i've heard from...#being at a psych ER esp when your situation isnt dire is awful and hell#my cousin who had been ther after a sui attempt had said that it 'scared him straight'#and that it was so terrible that he did everything to get back home as soon as possible and do whatever to never end up there again#so yuh... i'd rather not!#i was supposed to (my own decision) to write a list with ALL my symptoms and bring and be like LOOK MONGREL!!!#but since i suffer from avpd...... i havent. i procrastinated and now it's too late whoopsie. i'll just have to wing it fuckkkk 🥴#ofc it also has to be 8.45 .. so early in the morning for me im so mad ahhhhh i dont wanna go i am throwing up and screaming#but atp i'd have to pay $35 myself for not going so that will motivate me enough to force myself to go
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I'm really sorry you and your sister are dealing with that
(no pressure to publish this, not that there should ever be pressure to publish an ask if you don't want to, of course, but just wanted to say I hope you're doing okay)
Ah, thank you, anon, it's okay. It's been a while now (court moves slooow), but we're getting hopefully close to the end. She filed in Family Court December 2022, and we've had about five interim hearings with final trial (finally) scheduled over four days next month, so fingers crossed! But yeah, it's been A Time. He's financially and emotionally abusive against my sister, and both those things as well as medically negligent against their children (who are only six and eight and both have special needs), so it's been....rough. To say the least.
But on a lighter note, have one of my new favourite photos I took of my nephews at the jellyfish enclosure at the aquarium last month!
#i DO feel like i have an honourary family law degree at this point haha#and i think i've got at least three different creative projects that are coming out of it because the levels of insight#you develop#is just#yes#wow#A Lot#i hhaaaated the idea when i was younger that you became a better writer as you get older#like i think i genuinely did have this mindset like age has nothing to do with talent#and i kind of do still think that#i think there are young writers who are wildly good#but it's also impossible to articulate the absolute wilderness that is humanity that you get deeper into as you age#that makes me sound a hundred lmao i'm 33#but i think in particular there's this pivot point when the people you love start to have families of their own with people who are#so removed from your way of being#and sometimes that's amazing and sometimes that's awful#and what comes out in the wash of that is just a perfect mix of generational trauma AND generational enabling#privilege and expectation and mindsets around familial roles#and the sudden and horrible reveal that you have had children with a man who will be diagnosed a destructive narcissist#and who will reject the idea of your children having disabilities because how could he - a perfect man - father children with disabilities#and will turn all that loathing onto a woman he once said he loved because he decides she is the defective one who gave him broken children#which is literally how he thinks#it's soooo#yeah#anyway my sister is amazing and my nephews are perfect#and honestly it's been special in a lot of ways because y'know i'm a middle child she's my big sister#and we've had a tumultuous relationship over the years but this has honestly made us closer than we've ever been in our lives#and i'm proud of that but i'm really proud of the relationship i have with those little boys#and i think need hope we're going to win and she'll be able to move herself and the boys here even as the odds are stacked against us SO#i WILL also be calling on the universe / heavens / everyone's good vibes next month
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When the LA-based interior design influencer who is constantly purchasing $$$$ furniture and reselling it bc she was in the mood for something else informs her viewers that unfortunately, you CANNOT create a worthwhile space with cheap new furniture and you MUST wait until you find the perfect vintage piece secondhand and there is NO valid excuse for not doing so. -_- k.
#deeply privileged individual#i hope it's like.. painfully obvious that i'm a thrifty person and the vast majority of items i own are secondhand#or like. realistically fiftiethhand lol#but like for ex i live in a 3rd floor apartment i literally must buy new furniture that can be delivered to my step and assembled inside#and i have the teeniest weeniest budget so it's not going to be from like. a good company. sorry. it's going to be smth ugly from amazon.#and useful interior design advice is not 'ugh don't do that just wait till you find the right piece'#it'd be useful to help ppl design around those types of pieces.#the shitty ones.#like i'm sorry no i don't have anyone i can call to help me haul a mid century dresser up 2 flights of stairs#but i'm glad you lead such a privileged life that that reality is like unfathomable to you lmao#it wouldn't annoy me if she didn't do lots of 'design on a budget' 'sourcing pieces' etc videos#paige wassel btw i love her for the record i just feel like she's oddly out of touch
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I do love that I'm both freezing and having the worst back pains.
But at least I still have a roof above my head, right?
#personal#so here's the thing:#i don't think any of the radiators in my apartment are currently working#which kind of sucks bc it's winter in northern europe lmao#one of them had blown a fuse. which i changed yesterday. and now it's cold again. so there's definitely something wrong with it#two of them. which are located in my bedroom/living room combination. have red lights on#but they are both cold and not heating up my apartment. which means i'm freezing here#so it could be a thermostat or something. i don't know#but because my place was a mess. after having worked for a few months and not having energy to do anything else#i had to clean up here yesterday. because i couldn't call my landlord who lives closeby in case he decided to drop in and see#the mess i was living in. to you know. check on those radiators#so anyway. my apartment is pretty okay now. stuff i still need to clean though but it's mostly minor#but i seem to have strained my lower back doing it. or from sleeping in an awkward position because i was cold#the kind of pain i haven't experienced in months which must be a record for me now#but yeah now my lower back hurts. i can't properly crouch or even twist my body to the side without my knees trying to give out#and i've already taken painkillers for it today. which kind of put me to sleep again and had a lovely little nap a while ago#but this is bothersome#i hope my back feels better by tomorrow so i can finish my cleaning and then message my landlord#because i don't want to freeze here anymore xD and i also don't want my houseplants dying because of it so
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you know whats more annoying than dems calling vance and trump weird is all the condescending posts justifying it actually. like im a bit annoyed about "weird" being used this way but also like man if it fucking works i guess
but do i have to keep seeing daily posts exhaustively justifying how normie midwesterners use weird different or whatever the fuck man just shut up and call them weird then, stop justifying it to me
#toy txt post#i see the value in pointing out to somehow apolitical ppl that these guys are weird in the sense of being invasive controlling racist#creeps with unhinged fucking priorities. i also see the harm in conflating it with 'weird'. i see the value in using it against them#especially since it seems to be? sticking? and i hope most ppl are capable of recognizing that the dems are not using it to mean harmlessl#harmlessly strange or queer or whatever but to mean a fucking creepy asshole with bad motives and priorities#even if the right tries so so so so hard to conflate that meaning with queerness#i also dread the idea that they might start fucking trying to reclaim weird but i dont know if they will. i dont know if theyll redefine it#to work for them. if they can overcome the way they associate it with queerness and neurodivergence. but i do kinda dread a future where#they try to reclaim it like they did with the 'deplorables' shit. regardless of that: the most annoying in all this is everyone writing#fucking thinkpieces about it actually. and the condescending tone of NO YOU HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH THIS#THATS annoying. also:#the dems are going to have to pivot from this at some point anyway. its going to get Stale if nothing else.#i also think calling it cyberbullying is just. not even accurate anyway?#idk. but ik so done reading everyones Takes on it like goddddddd#i also have mixed feelings about the couchfucker misinfo but not as much#mostly like. in terms of misinfo it really doesnt feel worse than the ted cruz zodiac killer thing#except maybe more believable? but also lower stakes lmao#idk. just. sure man#fucking keep fash out of power#fix shit#make it better#the justification makes it worse almost. like cos it means you know my fucking issue with it. just shut the fuck up and call them weird and#ill grit my teeth and assume youre living a sheltered normie life and dont know the joys of weird and thats why youre using it like that#whatever man
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yesterday i ordered food and the one who drove it explain to me how busy the queue is, the thing is i would cancel if i can, but i cant cancel it as the order is already made in the kitchen.
I explained it to the one who is going to bring my food over n over again that i cannot cancel it bruh and he kept insinuating that i was 'selfish' when i cannot do anything, how tf am i suppose to know the queue was 'busy' and how am i supposed to cancel it when i literally cannot, i'll have to call the hotline that 90% isnt even helpful most of the time. I try to calm the driver down and shit for some reason, idfk what he's been on but brahhhh he still was pissy and shit and i dont want it to be awkward so i offered 5$(it might look low but its like the equiv of 50$ in my country) as a compesation and so he will stop his weird ass pissy episode when i've literally reasoned with him many many times, also i dont want to get my food from a pissed off driver okay? Like i do not like conflict and i do not want to have chances of making a scene with him. you know what sucks?? the wait for the queue isnt even that long it just takes 5-10 minute, literal standard time for every food order. And uhh because iam also pissed off, i might have not tipped them and broke my promise😢
#ignorelist#for some reason he calls me inpatience too like bitch????#what do you want me to do i literally cannot cancel the order😭😭😭😭 and what does that have anything to do with me being impatience#i would have choke him in the chat but like listen HE IS going to my house to deliever my food wether we both like it or not#and its like in the middle of the night im not throwing hand at that time and it was rainning and i was so exhausted from my course try out#test#truly i just do not tip him out of spite and this is the first time i dont tip people who send food over at my house#do i feel guilty? erm yes but fuck him#i just kinda pretend im like helpless little princess or whatev because i know if i show bits of aggression that guy would hop on that ride#and become more agitated because like i said many many time i do not want to fight a grown ass man#or maybe this is common practice dude use to guilt trip customer to tip them 20-50 k idr#if it is then i hope that dude know every tip he got is haram LMAO#when chatting he said he 'forgive me'(5 second later calling me an impatient bitch) and its near idul fitri so its forgiving day#be for realll
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I'm so burnt out my dudes
#explains why the past two weeks ive been at my limit/only have like 2 spoons to deal with after work and by god do they go fast#like the tolerance i have for anything is so low lately and im sure it's autism burnout :/#and idk what to do ab it bc i can't bring up the tism to my therapist bc oh youre not autistic. bitch i mask well ive had to for 20 years#straight! and i only talk to you for an hour once a month so like... how would you know#anyway i have 0 tolerance for like anything anymore and it's so frustrating#and sometimes i give into that and will seek out shit that will make me mad so i have SOMEBODY to blame my anger on#i dont interact other than reading/lurking but i sit here irl bitching to myself like 'yeah that happens bc youre a little fucking brat'#and most of the shit is stuff id roll my eyes at and scroll past in a good/neutral mood! but the burnout brain is like no theyre doing this#on PURPOSE they're like this to piss me off specifically. and it's like... how do i channel this energy into a non harmful way when#im so fucking burnt out? aside from stepping away from social media bc id seek it out elsewhere lmao trust me id pry ab my#cousins bc they are so fucking stupid and rude and the 'perfect' ones to latch onto and bitch ab bc my brain needs something to#justify this rage and anger and it's so stupid but sometimes that anger feels good? idk it's stupid but like i said i never interact#directly bc im not an asshole lmao im not gonna like call my cousins and be like lol yeah thats all your fault xoxo hope that helps bitch!#marquilla#idk where i was going with this lmao#this barbie has autistic burnout!
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going to go lie in some grass and scream into the dirt or smth and see if things are a little better after that
#nothing like waking up at 6am to study for an exam that you are unbelievably fucked for and then getting a call an hour before said exam#to find out that a friend of yours is missing. bc. that’s. so .#and i’m not even in the same fucking county. what am i supposed to do about this#and i was told by a mutual person who i am no longer friends with bc of a falling out that was similiar to this lmao and woah#idk if u’ve ever answered a phone at 11am on 2 hours sleep. half high from exhaustion. 2 a person talkin to you with Hate in their voice#but it’s wild#if i ever die from a curse or smth it’s bc of her#i am so v bad with not being able to do nothing and i can feel myself shutting down and can and don’t want to do anything to stop it#just got to get through these exams and hope that she’s found and ok. i just. idk. i’m just tired and i want to hug her and have her tell me#about her gf who i find so annoying but she loves and steal her socks bc they have cool designs and watch spiderman like we’re 15 again#three days. three fucking days she’s been gone and no one told me#i want to not have to miss ppl. i want to not have to do another reading in a church. i want to refuse to eat her terrible baking. i want to#listen to her tell me everything i do wrong in life even tho that’s kind of awful. i want to sleep. i want. i want#ignore this i just needed to get it out so i didn’t give out to ppl where it wouldn’t do any good#at least i found out what was being hidden from me lol#delete later
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