#i hope this was helpful if not feel free to dm im happy to help

[spindle-and-nima]

What would you say are the essentials of a bunny enclosure? I'm trying to get ready to make one for my new apartment

Hello friend!

First and extremely importantly you need space. I strongly encourage a minimum pen size of roughly 3x5 (vet and shelter told me to make sure my pens were no smaller than that size for my rabbits but a bit bigger is good). If your rabbit is not free roam, you can certainly make it bigger (my pen is a 6x6 my rabbits are semi free roam). I use a tall dog playpen to build mine so that or a Z pen will make for easy building. You can get creative with how you block out an area but space is incredibly important.

As for what goes in it:

-litter box of course but what's important is size. Do not get a tiny corner triangle box it's unhealthy for their posture. Opt for a cat litter box that's big enough for your rabbits to sit comfortably in and turn around easily in.

-hay tower or rack. You can either hang a rack (you can literally get a metal rack basket for cheap from Lowe's or home Depot and just stuff hay in it) or a wood tower like what I have. Bunnies must have Timothy Hay available 24/7 in unlimited quantities so this is the way to ensure that. It keeps the hay from getting soiled though I do always add additional hay to the litter box. Keep the hay near the litter box to kinda just keep em poopin in the litter when they want a snack

-hides. You need at least 1 hide per rabbit. I have 4 hides for mine. I like the cute wooden Castle hides bc they are roomy and my bunnies like them a lot but really you can get creative with it. Just absolutely no igloos those are not good for rabbits or their postures (vet and shelter advice). You can do tunnels or cardboard boxes but yea hides are a necessity for rabbits.

-flooring. There's a lot of things you can do for flooring but you definitely want something to prevent your rabbits from soiling your carpet and most rabbits dislike smooth tile or hardwood (slippery on non padded feet). A few things I've seen people do are use pee pads and lay fleece, blankets, towels, or rugs on top which are good options. If you're like me and busy and want easy cleaning and a cute aesthetic, you can use EVA carpeted foam mats. They absorb well without letting urine leak through.

I would NOT advise EVA foam if your rabbits really chew and actually eat everything. while I find these dont give bunnies much leverage for biting, especially destructive ones will find a way and you don't want them eating these. My bungies are luckily not interested in chewing them so they work well. A handful of guest rabbits I've housed did well with them too. Even my more destructive guests didn't manage to bite through it well but I need to put that disclaimer because I'm kind of lucky with my rabbits behaviour.

They look like this and come in many colors:

Pretty good and I like them because they are easy cleanup (wash by hand but you can just pop the soiled square out and replace it with a spare so the pen is immediately freshened up. And you can clean the soiled ones immediately or if you're busy just set it aside to wash when you got the time.) these are not essential ofc you can just use the ol fleece or towel or rug thing. Since you are renting i would really reccomend putting puppy pee pads under whatever you choose to protect the flooring.

[plushie-rater]

Can we send requests of our own plushies for you to rate? :)

Thanks so much for asking first of all. I’ve been thinking about this a whole lot (even before I drew the first plushie here) and I think I’ve finally decided that at least for now, I won’t be taking submissions for plushie ratings. Without getting too serious, the main reason is that I’m afraid that it will stop feeling as fun as it does now. I also really enjoy how happy people seem to be when they see a surprise rating that they weren’t expecting, which would happen much less often if I was spending time drawing submissions, too. I really hope that everyone understands

[littlelillycatsworld]

🐈‍⬛🎃introduction🎃🐈‍⬛

updated 28/9/24

English is my 4th language I rely on Google translate alot sorry if I get things wrong (Korean, mandarin, Cantonese then English)

I also speak Japanese and Thai not quite fluent yet but close

only follow me if your part of the ed or sh community I don't want to expose this to anyone else

I post alot of really dark shit about my childhood and whatnot. it's not happy it's depressing but this is my place to exist in a relatively safe way

do not report I'm not pro just pro recovery for everyone I'm just not ready yet but when I am I'll get professional help

DNI if you are homophobic/transphobic fatphobic racist or ana coach

my name is Lilly (not my actual name)

I'm 19

I use she/her/they pronouns

lesbian with a loving gf of 3 years🥰

I have depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD, and autism (all diagnosed) and ed

pro recovery for everyone

I'm last time I checked 36.2kg BMI 15.5 and im 153cm

ballet is my passion (I go to school for that)

I was adopted at birth by a Korean mother and Chinese father (rip I miss you)

I'm from Scotland

I'm pretty ok at art

pro LGBT and pro choice

sex positive

I love kpop and nu metal

my favourite kpop group is twice and my bias is Sana

my favourite metal band is Korn

I'm an ex-taekwondow national team member

and current national ballet member

personal tag is #네네

meal logs tag is 네네 meals

ed tags #네네's ed #네네's 3d

feel free to interact with me but don't be creepy I'll just block you.

anyway I hope I can make some friends who understand what it's like with an ed ☺️

my dms are open if anyone needs someone to talk to. if you have any questions feel free to ask

my backup account is @little-lilly-cat

[crassjellyfish]

Hello! Sorry if this is random. You know the band the mechanisms? Anyway. So im trying to hunt down the source for the Folly Bridge Inn Photos.

You are, so far as i can tell, the first person to ever repost the attached image in a location i can find other than the original source it came from. Might i inquire where you got it from? im looking for higher pixel variants of them.

(you sent it in the mechscord in 2020, for context)

im very enthusiastic about photo archeology in this band. hope u have a lovely rest of your day!!

hello! oh my goodness i'm so shocked to hear that i was the first to post that omg??? that show has some of my favorite mechs images (especially the one with tim with the blue lights on him). in 2020-2021 i was so far down the mechanism's rabbit hole, my friends and i were sleuthing our way to every picture we could find. i'm not in the mechscord anymore so it's crazy to see things i posted in there pop up from time to time. i think i also shared an old pattern i wrote for crochet octokittens at some point in there too!

i went back through some old documents i've got and it looks like that photo you're talking about may have come from this flikr page. i was mostly posting from mobile and it was likely a screenshot that i edited down, so that would probably account for the drop in image quality between the source and my post in the discord lol.

there are also lots of photos from curious magpie photography from around that same time (and much later, they have albums from 2011-2018) as well as nicole w who has pictures from 2013-2020.

(also, I may be incorrect, but i think that last page belongs to @wickedacephotos here on tumblr? i could be wrong but they have lots of good photos either way!)

i was never good about crediting where i found pictures and i regret that now, so i'm happy to have the opportunity to share some of these sources, and i am very glad to see that the mechanism's archeological community lives on to the present day!!! i hope these helped, and please feel free to dm me about any others you may need help finding and i'll be happy to see what i can do!!!!

[rxttenslutcemeterysys]

[ ty for giving the picture, @thundersyst3m , but like i said in dms im going to text format it cause sight issues ]

for people(including us) that have trouble identifying emotions, i think this would be very helpful :). also might help writers :D

happy;

joyful; feeling, expressing, or causing great pleasure and happiness.

interested; showing curiosity or concern about something or someone; having a feeling of interest.

proud; feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.

accepted; generally believed or recognized to be valid or correct.

powerful; having control and influence over people and events.

peaceful; free from disturbance... tranquil.

intimate; closely acquainted.. familiar, close. | OR | private and personal.

optimistic; hopeful and confident about the future.

liberated;

(of a person) showing freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas, especially with regard to sexual roles.

ecstatic; feeling or expressing overwhelming happiness or joyful excitement.

inquisitive; curious or inquiring.

amused; finding something funny or entertaining.

confident; feeling or showing confidence in oneself.. self-assured.

important; of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.

fulfilled; satisfied or happy because of fully developing one's abilities or character.

respect(ed); admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

courageous; not deterred by danger or pain.. brave.

provocative; causing annoyance, anger, or another strong reaction, especially deliberately.

loving; feeling or showing love or great care... showing or feeling affection

sensitive; quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences.

playful; fond of games and amusement... lighthearted.

open; allowing access, passage, or a view through an empty space.. not closed or blocked up. regarding emotions,, being open to ideas/feelings/thoughts.

inspired; of extraordinary quality, as if arising from some external creative impulse.

sad;

bored; feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.

lonely; sad because one has no friends or company... solitary.

depressed; (of a person) in a state of general unhappiness or despondency.

despair; the complete loss or absence of hope... giving up.

abandoned; having been deserted or cast off.

guilty; culpable of or responsible for a specified wrongdoing... a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.

indifferent; marked by a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for something.

apathetic; showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

isolated; far away from other places, buildings, or people; remote. | OR | having minimal contact or little in common with others.

empty; containing nothing.. not filled or occupied. | OR | (of words or a gesture) lacking meaning or sincerity.

inferior; lower in rank, status, or quality.

vulnerable; susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

powerless; without ability, influence, or power.

victimized; single (someone) out for cruel or unjust treatment.

ignored; refuse to take notice of or acknowledge... disregard intentionally.

ashamed; embarrassed or guilty because of one's actions, characteristics, or associations.

remorseful; filled with remorse.. sorry.

anger;

hurt; cause physical pain or injury to. | OR | an 'attack' to ones feelings/state/interests.

threatened; state one's intention to take hostile action against someone in retribution for something done or not done. | OR | someone's intention to take hostile action against you in retribution for something done or not done.

mad; very angry.

aggressive; ready or likely to attack or confront... characterized by or resulting from aggression.

frustrated; feeling or expressing distress and annoyance, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.

distant; far away in space or time. | OR | (of a person) not intimate; cool or reserved.

critical; expressing adverse or disapproving comments or judgments.

embarrassed; feeling or showing embarrassment. <- a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness.

devasted; destroy or ruin (something). | OR | cause (someone or feel) severe and overwhelming shock or grief.

insecure; (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious. | OR | not firmly fixed... liable to give way or break.

jealous; feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages. | OR | feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship. | OR | fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.

violate(d); break or fail to comply with (a rule or formal agreement). | OR | fail to respect (someone's peace, privacy, or rights). | OR | treat (something sacred) with irreverence or disrespect.

furious; full of anger or energy... violent or intense.

enraged; very angry... furious.

provoked; stimulate or give rise to (a reaction or emotion, typically a strong or unwelcome one) in someone. | OR | stimulate or incite (someone) to do or feel something, especially by arousing anger in them.

hostile; unfriendly... antagonistic.

infuriate(d); make (someone or feel) extremely angry and impatient.

irritated; showing or feeling slight anger.. annoyed.

withdraw; not wanting to communicate with other people.

suspicious; having or showing a cautious distrust of someone or something.

skeptical; not easily convinced... having doubts or reservations.

disgust;

disapproval; possession or expression of an unfavorable opinion.

disappointed; (of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.

awful; used to emphasize the extent of something, especially something unpleasant or negative. | OR | very bad or unpleasant.

avoidance; the action of keeping away from or not doing something.

judgemental; of or concerning the use of judgment. | OR | having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.

loathing; a feeling of intense dislike or disgust... hatred.

repugnant; extremely distasteful... unacceptable. | OR | in conflict with... incompatible with.

revolted; rebellion.

revulsion; an intense, violent, sometimes physical dislike of something.

detestable; deserving intense dislike.

aversion; a strong dislike or disinclination.

hesitant; tentative, unsure, or slow in acting or speaking.

fear;

scared; fearful.. frightened.

anxious; experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. | OR | wanting something very much, typically with a feeling of unease.

insecure; (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious. | OR | not firmly fixed... liable to give way or break.

submissive; ready to conform to the authority or will of others... meekly obedient or passive.

rejected; dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's taste. | OR | refused to agree to (a request). | OR | fail to show due affection or concern for (someone)... rebuff.

humiliated; (make someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly.

terrified; cause to feel extreme fear.

frightened; afraid or anxious.

overwhelmed; bury or drown beneath a huge mass.

worried; anxious or troubled about actual or potential problems.

inadequate; lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose. | OR | (of a person) unable to deal with a situation or with life.

inferior; lower in rank, status, or quality.

worthless; having no real value or use.

insignificant; too small or unimportant to be worth consideration. | OR | (of a person) without power or influence. | OR | meaningless.

alienated; experiencing or inducing feelings of isolation or estrangement.

disrespected; feeling a lack of respect for.. insulted.

ridiculed; (someone or something) to contemptuous and dismissive language or behavior.

surprise;

startled; feeling or showing sudden shock or alarm.

confused; (of a person) unable to think clearly... bewildered.

amazed; greatly surprised... astonished.

excited; very enthusiastic and eager.

shocked; surprised and upset.

dismayed; cause (someone) to feel consternation and distress.

disillusioned; disappointed in someone or something that one discovers to be less good than one had believed.

perplexed; completely baffled... very puzzled.

astonished; greatly surprised or impressed... amazed.

awe; a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.

eager; (of a person) wanting to do or have something very much. | OR | (of a person's expression or tone of voice) characterized by keen expectancy or interest.

energetic; showing or involving great activity or vitality.

[sluggsbugg]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ PANTHEISM ☽｡⋆

and how it it has impacted my shifting journey, and could possibly impact yours…

there are many definitions of pantheism, and many ways to look at it, but today i’m going to explain it to you (or try to lol) as i see it and try to show you how a pantheistic mindset can aid you in your shifting journey.

pantheism is described as the philosophical and spiritual belief that reality, the universe and nature are identical to or are a supreme deity. like many pantheists, i like to refer to this supreme deity, or the universe, as “the one”.

another definition of pantheism is the worship of all gods and every religion, though this could more accurately be called omnism (which also a very interesting philosophy but that’s for another time).

most pantheism beliefs do not recognize a distinct single god or deity, but instead characterizes a broad range of doctrines differing in forms of relationship between reality and divinity.

pantheism and pantheistic concepts date back thousands of years… in fact, early forms of taoism are considered to adhere to this belief. there was even a school of hindu philosophy that is thought to be similar. cheondoism, which arose during the korean joseon dynasty, and won buddhism are also considered to be pantheistic.

but how does this apply to shifting?

well, let me tell you how.

if, by pantheistic standards, the universe, reality and nature are all one single entity, then that means that we are apart of it. we are apart of “the one”, in fact we are it.

we are the universe experiencing itself.

there is no need to sit in your room or on the bus or at work thinking about “how you hope the universe will let you shift”… because YOU are the universe.

i know people in the shifting community say it a lot. over and over again you hear the advice that you are the only thing getting in your way, that you just need to see that it’s all in your hands, but it’s true. it can be annoying to hear it constantly, but i promise it’s the best bit of advice you’ll ever get.

when your doing your methods or your meditations, say to yourself, “i am the universe and i am letting myself shift”. or say something like “i am the universe and the universe is me”. really, any variation of these statements will work.

it even works for manifestation and the law of attraction.

i have gotten the best results during shifting attempts when i remind myself of these things, and the first time i started using these affirmations i even minishifted.

and don’t worry, even if you’re a christian or pagan or whatever shifter you can still adhere to these beliefs. within pantheism, these other deities exist as extensions of the universe just like you or i. they exist because we believe in them, just like we believe that the sky is blue and the ocean is salty (if that makes sense).

we make our reality and our truths, we do it everyday. easy as pie.

anyways… just a little thing i had on my mind that i thought might help somebody out there. please feel free to research pantheism more on your own, or to ask me questions in dms, comments or asks, im happy to answer.

happy shifting, and have good day/night!!

[missingpuppyboy]

Can you talk abt ur object partners? I'm learning abt paras and radqueer stuff and transids and all of that and I'm trying to learn and just,, u get it im sure! /pos

Also also also this is very aggressively /nf btw btw!!

Hellooo first of all I'm so glad you asked!!! Honestly I really like sharing my perspective on stuff like this, it makes me happy. Also it's really cool that you're learning, I hope I can help at least a little by writing this!!

First things first, I have no idea why I am attracted to objects. I have always assigned personalities to things not usually seen as having personalities though, so that's probably related. In my opinion, my phone really likes J-fashion, the season fall is a creepypasta enjoyer, and the number 6 has split-dyed hair (pink and blue). I have always thought like this.

I feel that every object, every concept, every word and every number are distinct, and also really cool beings. I love everything, I respect every object. And sometimes I feel as though the thing I love and personify loves me back. That is what I consider the start of a relationship!! My specific experience with objectum relationships are written below the cut.

My phone girlfriend is named Ririka, I found the name when looking through names for an OC, and I felt like she would love being named that. My brain also assigned her the pronouns she/her and decided that she would probably enjoy J-fashion, specifically jirai kei. She has a pink case and she really likes playing music for me. I feel very attached to her and feel that she is attached back, it just feels really sweet to be with her.

I also have a plushie boyfriend, he is named Fun, because he reminds me of the Funtime animatronics from FNaF (he is colored white, lilac and pink). He is a rabbit plushie and he is HUGE and very fluffy. He currently goes by he/him, but he is experimenting with a few other pronouns. We often take naps together. When I first got him, I got the vibes that he would love my vanilla caramel perfume so I sprayed some on him, he was so happy.

Perhaps more uncommon than electronics and plushies, but I am also in a relationship with a purse! She is an elegant light pink, has a mature and serious personality. I named her Gretchen because I felt that they would like it, since the name means pearl and they have a string of pearls as a handle. She uses she/they, and spends most of her time on my desk, she loves it there. We do sometimes go outside together, but she prefers just sitting with me while I'm gaming and stuff. She is caring and protective, she is definitely a mom friend lol.

I'm sorry for the long examples, but I just wanted to explain as much as possible about how my personal experience goes. Being objectum is different for every being, but basically I assign traits to almost every object I have, and over time I develop a romantic attraction to some of them, and if I get the vibes that they love me back, I consider it a relationship.

This was very nice to write, I love to yap, especially about my darlings. I'm so sorry if it's too long, it probably is lmao

If the anon or any other being has questions or things to say, feel free to reach out! I am always open for asks and DMs unless I explicitly state otherwise.

Peace!

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today i'm musing about connections and how they are often synonymous with our opportunities, our ability to survive, and our thoughts- therefor changing who we are and who will become. Also coin metaphors 🪙

Last Tuesday out of the blue one of my partners was laid off, he started a new job two days later because he knows people who work at a cabinet mill. 🙏

My family made the most healing ratatouille that we ate off of all weekend because someone I know from work had too many eggplants. 🍆📈

We got our house thanks to the efforts of a friend with a real-estate license. I got the contact info for my current therapist from a girlfriend. I have a song stuck in my head from a child I work with and I pick up catchphrases from people on tv and I know how to do pushups for the 1st time in my life bc an online friend taught me how. 🔥💪

Its fun and frightening to think about- that we are obelisks of pennies created from every person that gave us their two cents 🪙🪙

If every trait, thought, inclination, or idea of yours was a coin- which of your coins are old, passed down through the generations until they were shuffled into your hands? Which are invaluable? Like my dads tendency to accept things (like my gayness and transness and polyness) as long as no one is getting hurt, which I know he got from my grandfather ❤️. Which coins are a burden you dont know how to get rid of? Like my mother's propensity to say "It could be worse, think of__ (children in Africa, Houseless folk, etc)" which has become my tendency to minimize my own experiences and neglect to give myself breaks 🫠. Which coins did you find on the sidewalk and which sit with you in your car? Which are made of metals you're allergic to? Which are tarnished and scratched but still good? Which coins of yours are most valuable to you? 🎐

There are so many times in my life where I felt like I couldn't get a leg up, and the only way I got through was stacking pennies, adding up my connections and the ghosts of connections past to try to escape the pit..

With that in mind I want to take a moment to shout out the change (🥁) that others have gifted me with recently, cuz boy buddy have I needed to stack pennies lately, but have been so blessed to have so many new coins.

Thanks @sableglass, the fire you put into the world ignited action into me. I spent a year lamenting the loss of a job until your 'fuck it we ball' attitude inspired me to get resolved about that 🤽‍♂️. I got a job offer today. You helped me get here.

Thanks @the-golden-comet , you were one of the first writblr blogs I came across. You shaped my idea of tumblr to be something positive and uplifting during a very hard time for me 🫂. Your stories are so free and wild (🐳💦) and wonderful that they changed my outlook on being a writer and that what im 'allowed' to put in a story is anything but a limiting factor. You taught me that the course of a day can be changed with a simple frog gif and that you dont necessarily need to know someone to know how much they care. 🐸💕

Thanks to @tragedycoded for DMLS and @words-after-midnight for Libaw. Yall write the mentalscape of various conditions so well that im taking better care of myself 🧠🌿. I'm more proud of the work I've put into myself. And i'm becoming proud of the person I could have become but didn't.

Thank you to @lychhiker-writes for being my first homie on tumblr and for letting me vent my various frustrations into your dms 😏😅, and for being a brave and honest alpha reader for 7C.

Thank you @wyked-ao3 and @cowboybrunch and @gioiaalbanoart for being such great cheerleaders for my writing 😭💕 seeing yall connect and feel your feelings in my comments gives me so much hope and happiness and I honesty dont thank yall enough. I finally finished ch8 (no, really, check the doc 👀) and your encouragement helped me really embrace Seeker, who I used to think was too boring, and get that chapter finished 🏁.

There are so many others and I'm sorry for not naming them all 🙏 but if I have read your work, thank you. If I follow you or you follow me, thank you. If we have ever bonked together in a discord chat like two wayward beyblades 💞- *Thank You*

Today, I feel like I'm finally out of the pit, and it's thanks to the random 2 cents and spare change yall have gifted me. Your influence is priceless. 🥰💰

(Still no taglist for Monday posts yet, hmu if you'd like to be on it!)

[jordynbreeloa777]

Hiii I need serious help/ advice! I’m not getting subliminal results anymore and idk what to do. I’ve been listening to subliminals for about 3 years now and I’ve always gotten results. Last year around this time of year I would get really fast & amazing results. I would be able to get results overnight or just within 30 minutes of listening. But now I’m not getting results. I’ve tried detachment and even when I am detached I still don’t get results. How do I fix this?

As reading this I already see the problem. You’re in the state of someone who is “struggling to get subliminal results” trying to detach isn’t needed. Change self, you still get amazing, fast results! Also stop immediately running to the 3D for evidence to validate your assumptions. You aren’t a victim, you always get fast results because you already had them right to begin with. You have to realize, as soon as you desire something “creation is already finished” “ it is done.” There’s nothing to fix except self. Don’t get discouraged and stop trying to fight the mirror, the illusion. imagination is the only real reality, your I AM is god. You are in control, you control every little thing you always get full results in 1 listen!

Now detachment, you don’t need to detach. This is a hugee limiting belief. You can think, affirm, visualize, imagine ANYTHING about your desire at any time whenever you want. I recommend you reading solars guide about subliminals in my post,

This explains everything about subliminals extremely well like really IN DEBT. Hope this helps! ALSO I HAVE ALOT OF ASK IN MY INBOX AND IM TRYING TO RESPOND TO THEM ALL😭 STILL FEEL FREE TO INBOX/ASK/DM ME😭 Happy Manifesting! 💝💝

[hihihihihihuh]

ANA ED TUMBLR TWT LISTEN

Actually just listen to this really quick if you see this. ive almost died multiple times because of my anorexia. i was diagnosed when i was 13 and now im 17 turning 18 and its ruined my whole life. i just got out of the hospital after my body almost giving up on me yet again because my eating disorder got the best of me. it seems okay at first and it seems sustainable but im telling you now. if you keep doing this you are going to die. you keep up with your disordered habits and you are going to die. there is no choice except to take the hard road and recover or eventually die. im saying this here because i used to be on ed tumblr and twt all the time at the start before i started to recover, and its a scary place. people act like this is something glamorous sometimes, and like it is an okay way to live. but its not. youll either die this way or end up in the hospital, be stuck in a recovery loop, or you can do what you need to do and get the help you need before its too late. i had to share this i dont know why but i had the idea to and i felt like it was right. dm me if you need to talk about anything as i really want to prevent people from being the way i was. im so happy i went to the hospital i really am, and i seriously have a whole new perspective on life now and i wish everyone could have the same, but trust me i know its not easy. this is not the way to live and i know so many of you have so much to live for. please feel free to dm me if you need to talk. hope some people decided to listen

[peirres-play-place]

🌸🍑Ⓐⓑⓞⓤⓣ ⓜⓔ🍑🌸

Ⓛⓘⓚⓔⓢ

🌸🍑Fav color: peach🍑🌸

🌸🍑Fav food: cereal! (Specifically peanut butter captain crunch)🍑🌸

Ⓗⓞⓑⓑⓘⓔⓢ

🌸🍑I love drawing and often do it whenever I get the chance! Either spending hours on it or just a simple doodle! I REALLY like to draw during class, it's when I'm most productive. I do it mostly in science, math, and history. And if you couldn't tell, it's what my blogs about. I would also love if you could reblog my art! I'm fine with likes, but reblogs help my art be seen by others! I'm not very.....popular online...(or irl) so likes and reblogs are VERY appreciated🍑🌸

🌸🍑I also REALLY love writing! I'll take requests too!🍑🌸

Ⓘ ⓁⓄⒶⓉⒽ

🌸🍑I HATE so many things. I'm gonna list em!🍑🌸

🌸🍑I hate gender stereotypes, often happening in school where people tell me I have to like things because I'm a girl or smth. Apparently I HAVE to "LOVE" pink and dresses and gossiping about love interests. (AROACE) and Apparently I'm not allowed to be friends with guys or non binary people or I like them. (Which I DONT) and no, I'm not hating on girls who actually like these kinds of things, I'm simply just venting about my experiences.🍑🌸

🌸🍑I HATE lgbt discrimination! Everybody should be allowed to be what they want to be! It shouldn't matter about their gender or identity! All that should matter is that they are happy! This is going to lead to my next hate.🍑🌸

🌸🍑People telling me who I (ME) should like. People for some reason DO NOT respect the fact that I am aroace. I even explain to people what it means, ns yet they STILL continue to deny it. They ship me with people, say I'm dating somebody, and saying that i CANT have platonic relationships.🍑🌸

(Sorry about venting >^<)

Ⓔⓧⓣⓡⓐ ⓘⓝⓕⓞ

🌸🍑Minor🍑🌸

🌸🍑BAND KID! I play trumpet and alto saxophone!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Im the ART KID🍑🌸

🌸🍑And the WRITING KID!🍑🌸

🌸🍑I go by THEY/THEM. I am nonbinary guys.🍑🌸

🌸🍑But I will accept she/him. I just prefer they/them🍑🌸

🌸🍑I am an introvert!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Im 5'4! (Kinda tallish?)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I LOVE music BLASTING into my ears, but I HATE loud social interactions🍑🌸

🌸🍑(Ironic right?)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I LOVE any sort of baggy clothing. I wear sweaters everyday. (Even in the summer)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I have blueish grey eyes.🍑🌸

🌸🍑(They sometimes are more green some days, kr more blue, or more grey. It depends on what I'm wearing)🍑🌸

🌸🍑I hope you have a great time on my blog!🍑🌸

🌸🍑Feel free to dm me on my discord🍑🌸

🌸🍑Peirre_lafayette🍑🌸

🌸🍑If you are an adult please don't though.🍑🌸

🌸🍑If you are having a bad day, feel free to talk to me!🍑🌸

🍑🌸Have a fantastic day🌸🍑

[adviceformefromme]

im feeling ugly. i just cant get it out of my head. i keep remembering everytime someone commented on my boobs, my acne and i feel stupid (i dont even invest in stocks). and i feel poor (my job doesn't pay. and i hate my coworkers.). tommorow i'll clean my desk. also i cant just give up on the fyodor book. i hate myself. when will i change and when will i get a real job. i know consultants make a lot of money for doing nothing…i wish that was my job. idk what i'll do with my life. and everytime i look at my school classmates…they're richer than me. and evryone is pretty and happy. and everyone has experience in love, friendships, work and everything. why am i the only one who doesn't fit in? why am i soo different? i wnt to be happy. i cant even say anything to my sister she'll yell at me for doing all the things. im so ashamed of myself. idk

Hey sweetie, I feel you. I've been there. It's the hamster wheel of feeling shit and worthless. At some point, all that self-depreciating talk just digs you into a dark hole of feeling like absolute crap. There is no light, just misery and depression. So my question is, are you ready to leave this place? Are you ready to step into the light? To start choosing better thoughts? To loving yourself? Being kinder to yourself? It's not a quick fix, but it does require you to invest time and energy into loving yourself. Some suggestions:

Learn to meditate - download an app or do guided YouTube mediation

Start listening to Podcasts / YouTube for uplifting inspiration

PRAY - and set the intention you want to heal

Remove all negative streams of content, movies, the news, Netflix, music. Only high vibe, good feel media (chic flicks, feel good music, etc)

Write down 10 things you love about yourself daily for this whole month

Read The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne (there are free PDF downloads floating around the internet)

Make sure you are eating properly, drinking enough water. Learn about nutrition, cut sugar from your diet.

Make sure you are exercising every single day. If this is too much do at least 10k steps (you can listen to an inspiring podcast during walk)

Pause mid sentence if you feel you are putting yourself down or complaining about life.

Make sure you are clean / showering / brushing your teeth.

I hope these help sweetie, DMs are open if you need more support xoxo

[leclerced]

rehearsal crush + jelly = broken up

angst please ?

landoscar whose gf breaks up with them because she can’t handle the distance and they kinda are just like sick about it but oscar’s “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” attitude takes over lando too so they just don’t do anything about it and let her leave and it makes her even more upset that they didn’t TRY and fight for her

but happy ending

-🪼🪼🪼

jelly im so sorry ): if u wanna talk about it or rant, feel free to dm me 🫶🏻 im here for u if u need anything. i did Not Know how to end this im so sorry sjdkdmd im at work rn i hope this helps in some way ):

the only time it feels like she’s in a relationship is when they come to town between races. when they leave, she has to go back to real life and missing them. she hides it well, puts a smile on her face while she kisses them goodbye, then breaks down once they've walked out the door. there’s a weight on her chest that is only lifted when they’re around. they’ve never told her they feel the same, she thinks it’s because they still have each other so it’s not as bad. it makes her feel like she can’t tell them how badly she misses them, how crushing it is to see them go and know it’ll be a month until she sees them again.

she’s always been a physical person, she craves their touch more than anything. she misses the forehead kisses, having someone to hold hands with, a kiss and goodbye, i love you's when she's leaving for work. she wants to walk into a room and be able to crawl into her boyfriend's lap. to lay on oscar while she's binging her favorite shows. go on hikes with lando. it’s worse missing both of them. she misses waking up because oscar’s laying on top of her and lando’s asleep but still trying to pull her closer to him while oscar holds her in place underneath him, only to grumble and roll over so he’s on top of her too. she’d complain about the weight and the heat, but its so rare that she savors it. forces herself to stay awake as long as possible to relish in the feeling of them surrounding her. most of the time, she wakes up because she's cold and alone.

she feels pathetic when she gets jealous watching streams, she's envious of the press and drivers who see them every day. random people get to talk to her boyfriends more than she does. she's jealous of them every time they send her photos and videos together, whether it’s an innocent selfie or something meant to be watched alone and with headphones. she hates that it feels like she’s a girlfriend for one weekend a month and the rest of it, they’re boyfriends and she's someone they send a couple of texts to.

she starts thinking about breaking up when one of her friends gives her a hug and she breaks down because her shampoo smells like oscar’s and she wishes she could hug him. it's almost like hugging oscar, except she can't tuck her face into his neck and lean into him, his hands aren't pulling her closer, rubbing her back or petting her hair. there's no soft sigh as he rests his cheek on her head and no kiss on the top of her head when she pulls away. it feels like she's already been broken up with. like all the things she's missing, she's never going to experience again.

she tries to think about how it could work out. how they could see each other more. maybe they could all live together, and then there’d be less travel. if when they went home between races, she was home. she thinks about it, if she could pick up here life and move it. could she find another job in her field? what about her friends and family, here at home? would monaco feel like home when her boyfriends still aren't there most of the year? she'd lose what support system she has, have to build a new one. she would have to give up everything just to see them a few more times a year. she hasn't even been dating them for that long, not long enough to make plans for the future. they've been doing things a month at a time, planning dates where they can. she fell hard and fast, too fast now that she thinks about it. she shouldn't be contemplating flipping her life upside down just because of a boyfriend or two.

she doesn’t want to keep feeling like she’s drowning without them. she thinks she’ll get over them faster than she’ll be okay with missing them all the time. that in a few months, she could be over them and seeing someone new. someone who lives in her city, so she can see them regularly. have someone to text when she's lonely and have them come over and hold her. sure, it’s fun when they’re on break, and can spend all of their free time with her. when she can take off work to go on vacation with them. but it’s not so fun when she’s spending every night wishing they were back in bed with her, counting down the days until they would be. it takes her a week to draft the text in her notes. editing it every day, sending it to her closest friends to check.

i'm really sorry, but i can't do this anymore. the distance is too much, it doesn't feel like i'm in a relationship when you're always across the world on a different time zone. i can count the words we've spoken this week, and it's not even like, real talking. we had a few texts. good morning, good night, i love you. i need more than that. i shouldn't be doing this over text, i know, and i'm sorry for that, but there's no other way to do it. it's easier this way.

she tried adding more, explaining why, the hurt she feels. how she's thrown up from missing them, cried herself to sleep, she couldn't put it into words without feeling like she was trying to hurt them. she reads it back to herself and imagines oscar or lando sending her the same text and nearly throws up. deletes all the rough bits so they won't imagine her keeling over the toilet every morning, crying to her friends, crying alone in bed clutching a hoodie lando left behind. it feels unemotional after that. she can't even type out the words, to say i'm breaking up with you. to say goodbye.

lando sees the text first. he always reaches for his phone first thing in the morning, their groupchat is almost always still open when he unlocks it. he always sends a sweet message for their girl to wake up to or see the next time she checks her phone, if she's up already. this time, there's a text waiting. his hands start shaking instantly, he forgets how to breathe, everything hurts in a way he didn't know it could.

she sent it in the groupchat, an hour after their goodnight, i love you's. he shakes oscar awake after reading it two or three times, not believing the words are real until he's closed the app and reopened it only to see it's still there. he doesn't know what to do, what to think, what to say. it's been hours since she sent the text. it feels too late to respond, like it's done. oscar's confused and disoriented, he's never woken up like this before. lando's shaking him and crying and blubbering at him when he starts regaining consciousness. he thinks someone died. he can't understand lando's gasping, "she- fuck, oscar- i don't know what to do- oscar- what do we do?" he's acting like oscar should already know what he's talking about.

he sits up and grabs lando's cheeks in his hands, "breathe. calm down. what are you going on about?" a phone is pressed into his chest, a corner of it hits his sternum and he winces as he drops a hand to take it. it's lando's, unlocked with their group chat open. he reads the text with a blank face before collapsing back on the bed. bad dream. this is a nightmare. this isn't real. he pinches himself again and again. squeezes his eyes shut and reopens them, holds the phone in front of his face and the text is still there. he can't bring himself to check his own phone and read it there. it remains unread, unready to face the realization.

lando chokes out a sob next to him and collapses on top of him, "'s too late, osc. it's too late. we can't do anything- she's so far away. osc, i-i can't- i don't know what to do- please oscar." he clenches his jaw, tells himself he can't break down, lando needs him to be strong. he drops the phone, rather, throws it to a far corner of the bed, and wraps both arms around lando. "it'll be okay, i promise. if it's meant to be, it'll be." lando whines at his words, says something into his chest that oscar can't make out. he just squeezes lando tighter and pushes down the urge to scream, to break something. to book a flight and fly across the world and beg her not to do this.

it's already done. the text is too articulated. she planned this out. it wasn't one bad night. it was a string of bad nights, that she never told them about. they can't help her if she won't tell them something is wrong, if they don't know she needs help. he doesn't know if he believes his own words. he thinks it's meant to be, but he doesn't know how. he thinks about the stupid saying, if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you, it's yours forever. if it doesn't, it was never meant to be. it keeps him from texting back and begging for her. she'll come back when she's ready. maybe if he doesn't respond, she'll take it back.

she expects them to fight for her. realistically, she knows she waited until they went to sleep, but still. maybe they couldn't fall asleep, they'd see it and talk her down instantly. she expects them to wake up and text back, begging her not to do this. offer to visit more, to fly her out more. to do anything to close the distance. she lets herself delude herself into thinking maybe they aren't responding because they took the first flight out to see her. the entire day, she waits for her phone to beep at her or to hear a knock on her door, but there's nothing.

she makes the mistake of checking a live broadcast the next day, media day. they look fine. no bags under their eyes, no tear splotchy cheeks. it could be makeup, but they laugh and joke with each other and other drivers. she tells herself it’s the right decision. they aren't even upset about it. they're just going about their days. part of her she wishes she could take it back. she wishes she didn't know this is how they felt, that she really was just a quick fuck between races. they couldn't even be bothered to respond and say, hey! it was fun while it lasted. she doesn't let herself watch anymore after that and deletes every app so she won't have to see the mclaren content her algorithms are so used to pumping her feed with.

in the days after, she feels lied to. like all of these months was nothing, every night they flew in to see her was just because they wanted something else to fuck. her friends tell her it's not true, that they're probably just being respectful and giving her space. one of them says if she'd gotten that text, she wouldn't have replied either. she knows she wouldn't either when she rereads it to herself. she wants to ask, why didn't any of you tell me not to send it? why were they all so supportive of me blowing up my relationship?

after a few weeks of thinking like that, she breaks and looks at the championship rankings, looks at their scores for the last races. she feels a pang in her stomach when they're not having a great season, sometimes finishing in the points but not getting into the top five in any race since. she gets curious, wonders if it's the car or the driver. makes the mistake of watching post race interviews and hearing them talk about how the car was doing great but they couldn't get the full potential out of it. lando's beating himself up too much about it, oscar's giving him sad looks constantly. maybe it is bothering them and they're just showing it differently. she bans herself from checking again. it's none of her business. they're not her boyfriends anymore.

she comes to realize she didn't mind the distance. she misses the few texts they shared, misses watching races and cheering on her boys. the short phone calls after where she congratulates them. waiting around until they made it back to their hotel even if it meant she would only get a few hours of sleep before work. she misses them coming in once a month to see her.

she feels stupid for not telling them how she felt sooner. she wishes she'd worded the text differently, that she'd told them how she felt and they listened and helped. she thinks about reaching out, to apologize, to say she wasn't thinking right, ask for another chance. she doesn't deserve one.

summer break rolls around and though she's still sad about it, she's not crying anymore. she's given up any idea of ever seeing them again and resigns herself to telling her grandkids about the time she dated two racecar drivers. she's just cleaned and rearranged her entire apartment to make herself feel something. the living room is flipped around, she bought a new tv stand and some new pictures to hang. got some funky lamps for mood lighting. she redoes her bedroom too, gets a new bedroom set at an antique sale and pays the seller's sons to move it because she doesn't have a truck. they even help carry out her old furniture and set up the new. even the dining room is redone, a friend got a new dining table and she swapped her friend's old one out for her own. it didn't fit anything else in her apartment and she'd had it since college, it was time to go.

she's almost feeling good. it's a little weird walking into her apartment and feeling like she walked into the wrong one, but in a good way. it feels like a fresh start in a way. she doesn't walk in and imagine lando and oscar on her sofa because the tv is in the place they used to sit. they've never been in her "new" bedroom, never sat on the new mattress she ordered. never showered under her new showerhead. she hid all of their gifts and the things they'd left behind in a box in her guest room closet, so the reminders of them are gone.

they're gone, until she wakes up to banging on her door in the middle of the night. she thinks someone is breaking in at first, when the banging stops suddenly. the silence is deafening, she's waiting to hear someone trying to open it, pick the lock or break a window to get in. instead, her phone buzzes on her night stand. she picks it up and feels her stomach drop.

oscar: i'm sorry it's late. i hope you haven't moved, because i've been banging on your door for five minutes.

why is he here? is lando here too? where is he? why isn't he here? what's happening? what do i do? a million questions run through her head at once and she freezes up. she thinks about pretending to be asleep. that she moved, that the knocking didn't wake her and she never saw the text. maybe she changed her number and moved. she could pretend. it would be easier, probably.

she thinks about it for too long, then realizes oscar's probably left. the text was sent six minutes ago. the thought sends her into a panic. she can't lose him again. she slips in her rush to get out of bed, curses herself for not buying a new rug to match her new bedding yet when her socks hit slippery hard wood floors and she slips, barely catching herself on the bed. she scrambles out of her bedroom, down the hall, barly skidding to a stop before she fumbles for the deadbolt and swings the door open.

he's still there. hands stuffed in his pocket, hair mussed from travel, probably. she can see his adams apple bob when he swallows and they both freeze, like they're on stage and both forgot their lines. she can smell his cologne and it makes her dizzy. it's like walking by a display in a store and knowing you smelled that smell on your third grade field trip to the local science museum. it's been so long that it feels foreign but you can place it exactly. they both stand there, staring, like they can't believe they're really seeing each other.

he opens his mouth to speak, then closes it. he lets out a sigh, "can i come in?"

she blinks, twice, before stepping aside and nodding. she watches his face as he steps inside and looks around. he takes his time taking everything in, his eyes scanning through the archway into the living room. she left her lamps on, so the room is lit by hot pink in one corner, lime green in the next, and blue in the next. it lights his face up in a pretty way, like the lights at the track do, or in a club. she's not sure what to do, so she offers a drink to give herself something to do. "cocoa?" the word feels weird in her mouth. it's only two syllables but her tongue feels thick and even that is hard. he doesn't look at her or say anything, just gives a nod. his hair flutters and she longs to run her hands through it. he does it, pushing the hair off his forehead. it makes her want to do it even more.

she side steps him and is grateful when she doesn't hear his footsteps follow her into the kitchen. would you blame her if she took as long as possible to make the drinks? she could do it faster. she's mastered the art of making hot chocolate every way possible. she has the powder mix for when she's lazy, and knows how to make it taste just as rich as the real thing. she also has expensive chocolate that will take longer to melt down than a powder will take to stir into milk. it's been her guilty pleasure since she broke things off, it feels chopping it up to give to oscar. it helped her though, so maybe it'll help now.

she wonders what he's doing, if he's still standing there or if he moved. if he sat on the couch in it's new spot, or if he's looking at the new wall hangings. if he can hear her chopping on the cutting board, setting things on the stove, getting the mugs out. she wonders if he's grateful for the time to think, too. she needs it considering she didn't know he was showing up. she didn't have time to prepare, but that's better, she would have overthought everything. she runs her fingers through her hair a few times to comb out any tangles and splashes some water on her face to clear her head a bit.

she's going to make the best hot chocolate he's ever had. she's going to put more effort into this mug of hot chocolate than any other. she believes melting the chocolate before adding it to the milk makes it better, so she sets up a double boiler on one burner and milk on another to melt the chocolate while the milk warms. once the chocolate is silky smooth and the milk is at an even 180 degrees, she mixes them. she takes her time whisking it together, occasionally swiping a finger across the whisk to taste it.

she's just biding her time. she chose what she's pretty sure is oscar's favorite mug, an orange one with a kangaroo inside. she bought it at a thrift store long before they met. when you finish your drink, there's a sculpted kangaroo sitting inside, like a little surprise. she likes serving people drinks in it and seeing their confusion, thinking something is in their drink before she says it's part of the mug. they finish their drink and coo at what's inside. oscar's reaction was her favorite; he asked where she got it and said he had to have one. she had no clue where it was from and offered it to him on the spot, and he sheepishly shook his head, "no, just use it when 'm here."

she hid it at the back of the cabinet, every morning she'd reach for it out of habit then get sad when she remembered oscar liked it. hiding it meant she didn't reach for it and get sad. tonight, she had to push all her other mugs out of the way and check it for dust so oscar could use it. at one point, she wished he'd taken it so she wouldn't have to see the reminder. now, she's glad she still has it so she has some common ground to latch onto.

she finds him in the living room, tucked into end corner of the couch, right next to the pink light. "sorry it took so long, i used the good chocolate." she mutters as she offers him the mug and sits in the middle of the couch, a safe distance away. she sets her own mug down on the table, a light blue one with a duck on the outside. she wants to crawl into his lap, say she's sorry, she's so happy to see him. that's not her place anymore, and she doesn't know why he's here. maybe he just wants their hoodies back.

he stares at the mug, wraps both his hands around it and she wishes he'd set it down and tuck his hands under her shirt to warm them like she used to. she can't read his expression when he counters, "i would have taken swiss miss." she doesn't know how to take that. is he saying she shouldn't have put in the effort, or he would be happy with anything she gives him?

she quirks a smile, "i thought you deserved the good stuff."

he hums, and lifts the mug up, "will i burn my mouth if i try to drink this now?" she blinks. he trusts her not to hurt him.

"i wouldn't. i just took it off the burner, i bet you'd see steam if the marshmallows weren't blocking it." his lips turn up in the smallest smile for just a moment and he sets it down next to hers. she keeps her eyes on the mugs as he sits back and suddenly shifts the conversation, "i'm sorry for just showing up. i was going to text but i was scared you would tell me not to."

she tries not to make a face but she winces. "you have nothing to apologize for, you haven't done anything wrong. and for what it's worth, i'm glad you showed up." she hopes it’s the right thing to say. she isn’t sure why she’s here and she doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

there's a soft touch on her arm and she almost flinches before she remember it's just oscar. his voice is soft just as soft as his touch, "you haven't either." his hand curls around her bicep and he tugs lightly. she immediately scoots closer and he pulls her into his side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “we should have reached out, should have shown up sooner. there's not-" he lets out a sigh, she feels him shift her and he squeezes her softly. “the distance, it's hard. we've been doing this a long time, we're used to not seeing our family more than one week a year. you haven't had that, never done this before. you don't know how to deal with it, but if you don't tell us you're struggling, we can't help."

he squeezes her shoulder and she leans into him, "i know. i just- it didn't feel like it would do any good. not like i could text you and you'd be here in an hour."

he shakes his head in the corner of her eye and grumbles, "no, but we would have found time to call you, found a way to come see you sooner. hell, if you could get off work we'd fly you out. fuck, that's not even the problem. why didn't you feel like you could tell us how you were feeling?"

there's a burning sensation that signals tears are coming, and her throat is tightening. she pushes the tears back and forces the words out, "i was scared, that i was the only one feeling like this. you have each other, why would you miss me? i don't have anyone."

oscar lets out a weak sound and pulls her closer, not close enough for her. she wants to be pressed against him in every way. "i'm sorry we made you feel that way. we have each other, yeah, but half the time, all we do is talk about you. missing you. i made lando buy the same shampoo so he’d smell like you. practically had to wash my drool out of his hair every morning.” as if for emphasis, he presses his cheek to her head and sniffs. “could pick you out from a blind test.”

she can't help the breathy laugh that escapes her, "really? you missed me that much? why didn't you tell me?"

oscar nods, "i didn't know you needed to hear it. i thought we were fine. i don't know if there were signs we missed or maybe, you kept it to yourself. it's not an excuse, but we're used to missing people, we can't change that, so we look forward to the next time we see you. sometimes, we're so busy, we don't have time to think about how much it hurts.”

she huffs, "i had too much time to think about how much it hurts."

oscar squeezes her to his side again, then huffs, "take a hint would you? get closer."

her heart thuds in her chest, "closer?"

he laughs a little, the air hits her cheek. "yes, closer. been trying to hold you, but you won't move."

immediately, she throws herself onto his lap, wedging a leg between his and the arm of her sofa so she can straddle him. it feels so good just to have someone close, and oscar feels like coming home. his cologne is the same, she can tell it’s been hours since he applied it, likely just before shoving it in his suitcase, but it lingers on him. he smells a bit like the airport, too, and she wonders how long it took him to get here. where he flew from, when he booked the ticket. it doesn’t really matter.

he’s filled out more through the season, his body is hard under her and she can’t tell if he’s tense or if it’s just hard muscle from lots of training. “i’m really sorry you were hurting. do you think, we could try this again? could you tell us, before it gets too much?”

she curls a hand around his bicep and sighs, "yes, god, i missed you so much. i'm really sorry, i should have said something. i- i would have taken it back, if you had said something, neither of you reached out. i didn't think you wanted me to.”

she can feel the rumbling in his chest against hers when he replies, it tingles her cheek where it’s pressed against his throat. "we didn't think you wanted us to. it felt planned out, i figured you wanted space. i thought you’d come to us when you were ready. lando tried to- i stopped him.” her heart almost shatters. she squeezes her eyes shut and forces back the tears. she can’t cry on him right now. “i was scared too, didn’t want him to find out he was blocked or something. i couldn’t- i didn’t know what to do. i didn’t want him to get hurt again.”

"space is the last thing i wanted." she whispers against his neck. at the mention of him hurting, her stomach twists into tight knots. she'd assumed they were fine. "is lando okay? why isn't he here?"

oscar stiffens under for, just for a moment, before relaxing, "yeah, he'll be okay, if we're gonna be okay. he’s in a hotel, didn't think you'd want to see him. didn't want to face the rejection."

a whimper slips out, "i didn't mean to make him feel like that. all i want is to see him. i should have said something sooner, before it was too much. i'm sorry."

oscar rubs her back softly, and, “we’re sorry too. we’ll do better this time, find more time to see you. reach out more. you gotta do the same, though. and let us know when you need us to be there for you.”

she nods against him, “i promise, i will. can you-“

“we’ll do the same. i’ll text you when i make lando wash his hair with your shampoo, and when i wake up because he’s talking in his sleep and he’s dreaming about you. make lando text you too. he’ll probably complain that i sleep on him when he smells like you and he prefers being the big spoon.”

she lets out a breath of air, almost a laugh but not quite, “i was gonna say, can you call lando? thank you for that though, it means a lot.”

oscar presses his face into her hair, mumbling, “you could call him, y’know? he’d probably love that.”

[nonbinary-potatoes]

🍄🫧🌌Jam (in a nutshell)🌈🧬🎵

Hello Tumblr

I've had this account far too long to not have an intro post (I actually just lurked to stalk Ao3 authors I liked for updates for years)

So.... anyway...

I'm Jam (as in Jammy Dodgers)

I'm trying to get into fic writing, not sure how that's gonna go but I have loads of drafts anyway. My Ao3 @ is nonbinary_potatoes {as of 09/24 i havent posted anything}. I'm also an aspiring novelist, I've been slowly working on a book when I have the motivation for about a year or so but I'm just going easy because I don't want to kill my passion for it.

Fandoms I like:

Marauders (Wolfstar, Jegulus, Dorlene, Jily, Rosekiller, Pandalily, Marlily)

Rick Riordan verse (Percabeth, Valgrace, Solangelo, pretty much anything tbh)

Hunger games (no specific ships)

The Owl House (no specific ships)

Dreamworks trolls, but shhh

(I don't support Disney nor JKR)

I only really write Marauders stuff but with the right inspiration I'll branch out into other fandoms, really working on my confidence because my social anxiety is so bad I struggle to even post on social media anonymously (dumb brain moment). I'm hoping to push myself into posting more and eventually releasing a long fic I've been cooking up in my notes app/brain.

General Info:

-Age: I prob won't share this publicly but if it's important to possible moots I can share in DMs

-Pronouns: They/Them (in gendered languages, I prefer masculine)

Music: David Bowie, Queen, Marc Bolan/T-Rex, ABBA, Rolling Stones, Hozier, Glass animals, Mitski, (I pretty much listen to anything tbh)

Please feel free to send microfic requests/prompts through my ask, or just ask me anything (appropriate) - im happy to just chat. They help keep my motivation up for bigger projects. And I'm always happy to add moots, I lowkey need friends anyway.

[juni-ravenhall]

first off thank you for the kind comments on my post. i dont have energy to go there and reply. it sadly also doesnt change anything for me, which is not to say it doesnt matter, i did go back and read those comments maybe 20 times while crying my eyes out during the time i was at the hospital. but feeling loved by friends and strangers doesnt cure me (which i hope is understandable) so all i can say is thank you even if it doesnt make me less suicidal.

im at parents place as of now instead of psych ward, not because i feel any better (on the scale of 0-10 "can i survive this or do i kill myself", ive been at 0.01 every past day since friday, before friday i had been at 0.1 for months, right now maybe im at 0.02) but because i cannot get any help from the psych and it felt meaningless to stay. if its just to get cooked food handed to me, i could equally be at my parents house, despite that i have strained relations with them due to how they abused and traumatised me and my siblings and are still messy today even if more mellowed.

a healthcare worker will visit either tomorrow or monday to check on me and see if they want to push me to come back to being at the hospital. the place i was, was the kind of place where you cant have any strings in your room bc you could kill yourself, so they took my pants and shoes when arriving.

not sure what else to say. at parents house, still suicidal bc life is meaningless but im pushing myself to keep trying as long as i can. ive already been fighting this since 2017 (the first time i became suicidal, a switch flipped during a time of additional abuse on top of the regular abuse and i realised no amount of my endless optimism and effort could change the hell i am in) and im exhausted of trying.

i doubt i will go on sso bc its triggering. if i regain any sort of ability to focus on doing anything, i might start working on my own games again, bc thats a place where its only me and im free from everyone else. however, i have no motivation to do anything, which is why i want to die. i have no motivation to get up in the morning. i have no motivation to eat, i want to spit out food and couldnt swallow. i dont feel happiness in doing things that other people feel. i dont feel happiness interacting with friends - i feel a passive sort of happiness but not the deep, true joy and distraction from the pain that im supposed to feel. therefore its also hard to say i would be able to create things if i feel nothing and apathetic (i already largely felt this since 2017, which is why i havent been making much, but now its even worse).

if anyone read this far and you are interested in me or care about me a lot, feel free to reach out in dms and talk. now is the time. im not saying that because it will change anything for me, its highly unlikely to have any concrete effect on me at all. i say it more for your sake if you have things you wanted to tell me or if you wanted to know me better. this is that time. i cant promise what will happen after this. but if i feel as i feel right now, i will keep trying to log on here and there while i otherwise mostly cry and stare at the ceiling (again, unless i become able to start doing anything more interesting, which i cant tell if i will).

i will also try (no promise but try) to go back to the hospital if i become actively suicidal again as i was friday, bc juni (my inner bigger sister) is a stubborn fool and is trying really hard to keep me alive.

[maebyshifting]

hey, apologies if this doesnt make sense, its like 1 am and i just got done with dance lol

so, bascially, im doubting shifting. How can i know if its real? Anti-shifters call shifting schizophrenia (however you spell it) or some sort of lucid dreaming. i dont want to waste my time if something isnt real yk? and other people say its just imagination and that i’m stupid for believing that i can shift realities. how can i fully believe shifting, with the little amount of evidence there is?

im not an anti-shifter btw, just curious! also sorry if these questions dont make sense, im in middle school and my english sucks (even though its my first language, lmao)

have a good day! happy shifting <333

shifting antis are usually people who gave up shifting they never shifted or genuinely think it’s a dream and we’re making things up.

i have lucid dreamt for a bit now. while dreams feel real, once you realize you’re dreaming and go lucid, everything feels malleable. shifting doesn’t feel like that. there’s a lucid dreaming term called persistent dreams or persistent realms (something along these lines) that has been talked about for a long time that is basically describing shifting using the lucid dream method under a different name.

lucid dreaming was heavily criticized when i was a kid (and way before even that) because it seemed impossible that people could control their dreams. now there’s tons of research on it. we are a tiny speck in a vast universe that is constantly expanding. if shifting is a super realistic version of lucid dreaming? i’m okay with that! i still know the experiences that i’ll experience are real to me. doesn’t matter what other people think.

because there’s not much research it can be hard to believe. but then i remember shifters talking about their grandparents shifting and keeping it to themselves, not putting a name on it. i think about our younger selves who shifted because our imaginations were so powerful to us. i think of the relief people feel when they shift for the first time. i think of the community that’s been brought together that gains nothing from lying about this. most of all i think about how we discovered this thing for a reason.

best advice i can give is join communities that allow you to talk to other shifters. shiftblr, discord servers, etc. are places you can talk to people who are likeminded and lots of people have genuine stories. for me, i keep shifting as a private thing only for myself and don’t really talk about it with irl friends. i’m not saying you have to do that, but that’s the balance that’s worked for me. but everyone’s different! listen to peoples stories and experiences and it helps so much <3 i hope that helps a little bit? my dms are open so feel free to dm me if you need anything!