#i hope this makes you all uncomfortable because so am i

[cutielando]

knight in shining armor | r.c.

synopsis: in which Rafe doesn’t prove to be the biggest asshole around

a/n: based on this request!

my masterlist

The island was quiet, only the crashing waves breaking the eerie silence of the night.

It was late - much later than you had planned on staying at the bar. You didn’t go out often, especially not this late, but an invitation from your girlfriends to go to the bar and a couple of shots later, here you were.

Battery dead, walking home in the middle of the night.

It might have been because you hated walking alone, or because of the sketchy streets, but your skin prickled with unease and tension.

You tried to tighten your jacket around you in a desperate attempt to soothe your worries, but it was useless. The tense feeling wouldn’t go away.

Someone was watching you.

You kept your head down, cautious yet very fast steps carrying you closer and closer to home.

Only a couple more minutes and then you’re home. You’ve got this.

You kept telling yourself that as you navigated through the streets, but suddenly stopped dead in your tracks when you saw a group of men sitting on a bench, exactly across the street from where you were supposed to go just now.

The voice in your head was very adamant, turn around and find another way home, but there was no other way to get to your house.

Sighing and gritting your teeth, you began walking again, not sparing the men a glance in hope that they would just ignore you and leave you alone.

That thought and hope went out the window as soon as you were passing in front of them.

A high-pitched wolf-whistle broke the otherwise quiet night, making you stiffen and almost stop in your tracks.

"Hey sweetheart, pretty late to be out and about all on your own" one of the men called out, laughing at the end of his sentence.

"You want some company?" another one said.

"Come on, don't be shy now" a third chimed in.

A feeling of panic and fear settled heavily in your chest. You were thinking about a way to respond, to say anything to get rid of those assholes, but a voice stopped you from doing so.

"She's not interested" the voice said, rough and edged with a warning of what might happen if they didn't get the hint.

You froze, slowly turning around to see who had jumped to your rescue from the shadows. And your shock was even greater when the figure finally stepped into the light, revealing the last person you had thought you were going to see.

Rafe Cameron.

"Who the hell are you, man?" one of the men called out again, not moving from their spot on the benches.

"Doesn't matter who I am. She's not interested, so you're going to leave her alone or you'll have to deal with me" he replied, his tone low and dangerous.

It was the way he said it that made the men finally slink off into the night and leave you alone.

The street fell quiet again, which allowed you to let out a breath you hadn't realized you had been holding.

"Are you okay?" Rafe asked, his voice much softer now, as he turned around to look at you.

"Yeah, I think so" you nodded, even though your voice was shaky and your hands were trembling. "Thank you"

He shrugged his shoulders, like what he did was the most natural thing in the world.

"It's nothing. You shouldn't be walking out here alone at night, it's dangerous in this part of town" he said, his eyes remaining on you.

"I know, but I don't have much of a choice. This is the only way home and my phone died, so I couldn't call a cab" you explained.

"Where do you live?" he asked, his tone direct, but still gentle.

You hesitated, your mind wary. He was Rafe Cameron, and his reputation very well preceded him, but after all, he had just saved you from a very uncomfortable situation. And the walk towards your house only got sketchier.

"Near the south docks" you finally replied, making him nod.

"I'll walk you" he said, falling into step with you, his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans.

The silence between the two of you was awkward at first, neither of you saying anything. But as the minutes passed, you found yourself sneaking glances at the Cameron boy. He didn't seem dangerous or crazy as people had claimed him to be, he was... normal.

"You don't have to walk me home, you know" you said after a little while, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah, I do" he replied, his tone neutral.

"Why? You don't even know me" you pointed out.

He shrugged, the corners of his mouth threatening to turn into a faint smirk.

"I don't like seeing people get pushed around" he said.

It was a very simple and straightforward answer, but the fact that it came from Rafe Cameron was the big surprise.

You had heard many stories about Rafe Cameron from different people on the island, but none of those matched the Rafe Cameron currently walking you home to make sure nothing happened to you.

By the time you had reached your house, the tension between the two of you had slowly disappeared and the heaviness on your chest had eased.

"Thanks again, for saving me and walking me home" you said as you stopped in front of the house.

"Get inside safe, okay?" he said, his eyes finding yours.

You nodded, smiling a little.

"I'll see you around" you said before turning around and walking towards your front door, stealing one last look at him before entering the house.

Maybe the island didn't know Rafe as well as they thought.

Maybe they were wrong about him, after all.

comments and re-blogs help us grow!

much appreciated!!

REQUEST HERE

[serxinns]

hii!!!!! can i request yandere class 1a hc/fic w reader that doesnt have quirk but fights ballerina/gymnastic move??? (like she does combat and fights back w elegant/flexible move in a way) ?? or maybe just a reader who doesnt have a quirk but still strong enough to fight ppl and gets accepted in ua?? i hope this isnt too much, love your works!!! ❤

The Elegant Hero

A/n: I can't beleive I worked on this and finished it all in one day! Yippee for me

Tw: slight bullying mentioned, cruel treatment against quirkless, ofc obsession behavior and unhealthy behavior and more if you're uncomfortable with. These topics that's gonna be included in the books don't read

☆prologue☆

your life was pretty interesting and would I say lucky? Yeah lucky your father was a professional fighter as your mother was a former ballerina star but retired due to personal reasons and now teaches young ballerinas, when they found out that you had a combat quirk (for example bubble quirk where you make bubbles to bounce across) they felt devastated and worried true to the harsh treatment on the quirkless and weak quirks, so at the ripe age of 5 you remembered you woke up with ballerina shoes and combat equipment on your bed with your parents smiling faces staring at you

day and night your parents will give you ballet and fighting classes it was fun at times but you hated the flexible training like when your mom kept putting you in uncomfortable and sometimes painful positions, Your father's combat lesson was always fun tho it was filled with life lessons and his stories of when he was just the same age as you he equally let you right with your hands feet (you mostly use your feet) and teach you how to pin someone down

but on the downside you couldn't exactly make friends or knew how to socialize many of your mother's students either envy you or just avoided you for being quirkless, some even made up rumors that your mother was just going easy on you just because you were her child,

even in middle school you were a but of a outcast but had a few friends a few girls would pick on you then and there trynand pick a fight at you but when you easily pinned down one at the snotty brats they left you alone here and there, one day at class your teacher announced that Ua was passing out applications for students with poteinal to join everyone eyes including yours brighten up you always wanted to be a hero to prove something or atleast make a change!

"Would anyone like a application!" The students hands all raised excitedly whispering to their friends with confident that they were gonna get in UA easy "may I have a flyer?" That one question made everyone silent and turned towards you some started snickering and whispering to their friend(s) even your teacher was flabbergasted "y/n are you sur-" "I am" you stood up and walked towards the front of the classroom to get a flyer ignoring all the snickering and mockery your clown of the students did you were gonna prove them wrong all wrong

The entrance exam was in 2 months and and that was good enough training time you spend your whole summer break training hard even your parents were a little worried occasionally checking up on you while you were either working on your flexibility or kicking and punching a punching bag in your parents training room

When it was time for the exam safe to say you were nervous and feeling a bit doubtful about yourself but you took a deep breath and head on to the start of the exam the students all lined at the starting line "Students ready.. in 3 2 1! Go" the flare gun shot and the students were flying, running and even teleporting

You use your ribbon wand to pull the medium villians towards you and kick them into a oblivion you smirked the suddenly you saw a robot foot about to stomp you untill a girl use wht seem to be a floating quirk but she was a struggling you then use your ribbon wand wrapping the 2P robots legs to restraint it and destroyed it "that's some amazing teamwork kids! Keep up the good work!" The loud intercom announced referencing to you two, the girl smiled at you mouthing a "thank you" as you did the same and went back to destroying more robots

Suddenly a huge crash came out the sky and there a injured boy was falling out the sky you and the short brown girl from earlier witness this and acted fast using your ribbon and aiming it towards the boy wrapping him up whike ochako slapped him which made him float gently down midway a small old lady came in cane in arm as everyone questioned why she was here she gave the boy a big fat kiss on the cheek which made his arm turned less purple in seconds! "You two make a pretty good team!" As she walked away

As you were leaving to turn back a the girl ran after you breathing in all "Hey I just wanted to say thank you.. back there" she smiled warmly "I should be thanking you! You saved my butt out there! With that quirk I'm sure you'll be getting in!" Then girl blushed at your comment as she bowed down to you " yea your quirk is too i really love how you use your ribbon wand and those moves!" You giggled at her statement which confused "Oh I wasn't using my quirk to quite don't have one! This ribbon weapon was something my mother and father put together!" Her eyes bleamed even more a at the mysterious and elegant kid as the two of you talked on the way out of ua unaware that a freckled kid was behind them listening to their conversation

"U-Um excuse me!" The two of you turned around to see a green hair kid with freckles looking all nervous and stuff "I'm so very sorry about having to save me you 2 really tried your hardest!" "Oh it's no problem we're just glad your ok!" Ochako agreed also showing kindness to the boy "if it's ok that I can walk with you as well?" He questioned and you happily agreed although ochako was a bit bummed out but brushed it off cause the more the merrier right?

As the 3 of you were talking and rambling on about hero stuff and teenager things a blonde hair boy glared at the trio as he began to walk towards his home

on the 1st day if school you were a but nervous you didn't expect to actually be accepted to Ua but Luck you guessed luck on your side your parents made sure you packed all your stuff and look atleast decent in the car your parents were busy chatting away about different topics that weren't really interested you instead you were mentally preparing for the students if they even decided to harass you since middle school and high school students weren't no different when it comes to others that seem "weak" in their eyes

As you arrived to your destination your parents waved you goodbye and drove away leaving you alone, you looked at the big school "this is it... this is where a building is gonna decide my fate" you then followed the other students walking into the school building...

☆ headcannons ☆

• as you search for your class in the endless halls of Ua you weren't paying attention to the school map you picked causing yourself to bump into someone "oh my apologies!" A person with no face nor mouth or.. anything! The only thing you can see was their uniform and by the looks of it it seems like a girl because they were wearing a skirt "Oh it's ok! I get that alot are you heading to Class 1a too?" You nodded, so now you and her are going onna mission to find the class!

•as you finally made it just in time you could see izuku and Ochako happily waving to you as you did the same Ochako patted a empty desk right besides her as you quickly made it there which to izukus defeated having to sit by the blonde hair kid instead of you

•as class ended while you were walking to your next period you sat next to a Red haired boy with sharp teeth, another blonde hair kid with a Black lighting strike, and a girl with seem to be earphones hanging off at the end of her ears, the red hair kid you later to find out his name was Kirishima, and his buddy Denki, and the girl who everytime tries to made slide and flirty comments at you and she would insult him which was jirou they were all nice individuals and such fun people to talk to

•Kirishima was talking snd whining how hard the classes were whike also trying to encourage himself as you did the same trying to make him comfortable while denki was either tryna get your number or just wanna be annoying but jirou your lifesaver kept zapping him with her earphones or walking him with the book as the 4 of you talked the most close they felt with you heck they felt they wanted to be even closer to you

• at the cafeteria you were pulled by Ochako and izuku to sit with them you were introduced to 2 new people one you recognize as shoto todoroki the father of the famous number 1 he endevour and Iida younger brother of the pro hero idk his name) shoto was mostly quiet just adding in a few words here and there when it was focused on him while Iida was chatting away about school safety and how he'll be a great hero just like his brother

•on the next day of training all might announced it was time to battle! Hero's vrs villians! But all might wasn't done just yet he brought put a huge clothes rack with Hero costumes in it as everyone cheered excited to show off their costume your costume was a ballerina outfit but with protective heavy gear especially on the legs with a mouthpiece to go with it ochako, izuku, Kirishima, and hakagure excitedly went up to you complimenting your outfit as you blushed cleary flattered

•A pink hair girl and another girl with a pony tail even compliments yours costume as well you avoided eye contact with the ponytail girl tho since her outfit was a bit..revealing! You felt a bit guiltily but the girl who is named momo was either not noticing it or wasn't paying attention rather she found it kinda cute while the pink hair girl was asking alot of questions and complimenting everything that you couldn't keep up with her

•at training you were paired up with Izuku and the blonde hair kid with iida you were nervous since this kid kept eyeing and staring at you intensity and it seems like izuku had the same reaction too "don't worry we got this izuku!" Your encouragement of words brighten up the boys spirit he wanted to win this not just to prove he's gotten stronger to his childhood rival but for you..

as the round start the two of you were running in the abandoned building untill a explosion came outta nowhere, standing infront of you was a boy with red glowing crimson eyes with a mask on with giant grenades hanging on both his arms "I'll stall him you go to the bomb!" You nodded as you ran the other way "You seem to be attracted to this quirkless deku" "they aren't just that they're more then that!" Bakugo smile turned sinister "really? well why don't I go over and see for my self!" As he was about to use his quirk izuku quickly grabbed him and slammed him on the ground

"I. Won't. Let. You" Izuku's expression darkened watching as the boy who bullied started to get pissed eyes staring intensity around at as they bpth started fighting ruthlessly, meanwhile you managed to get to the bomb here Iida was guarding at you "Hey you over there!" "Crap he spotted me" You then revealed yourself to the villian "stop right there! hero!" You quickly dodged iida's attack then aimed your ribbon wand wrapping the bo,b up and trying to pull it towards you, iida noticed and grabbed onto the rocket trying to pull it back "crap... this isn't working change of plans!"

You then grabbed a couple of rocks not so big to hurt him and threw it at the villian as iida was about to brace himself You and time to grab the rocket in time "Hero's win!" They announced you smiled in victory, "nice job out there hero!" You chuckled at iida's villian accent "thanks villian you tried to you were such a workout honestly!" As you and iida got out of the building you see izuku being carried off heading to the infirmary he spotted you and mouthed a "congrats" to you as you did the same in a worried manner

"Good job I guess.." you turned to see the same blonde hair kid from before "um thanks!" "Guess your not just a quirkless loser I guess" you narrowed his eyes at him "wow harsh" deciding to let it go and go meet up with your new friends today was very exhausting

•as the days go by you started hanging out more with your classmates more you started meeting new students with special abilities but you always have a werid feeling or have been seeing stuff

•like how you were busy talking with Ochako and you could've seen Denki giving her a glare but waving happily to you, or how Momo wouod occasionally invite you to hang out in her house or make study dates for just to two of you even if the classmates asked she'll make a Excuse

•Bakugo would degrade you at any opportunity he can get calling you a quirkless loser and stating that you need someone to protect which was werid so you tried your best to avoid him which he didn't like that at all so he started being LESS mean to you occasionally teasing you whenever you make a mistake or when you make a spelling error calling you dumb at every second Kirishima or his newly found gang would stop him but knowing him he still does it

•Sero would manipulate you into spending more time with you as like "I found this area here or there wanna come!" And would beg and guilt trip you into coming into you finally agreed He follows you around like some sort of lost puppy, his hands always on some part of your body

•mina was basically your fucking dance parther she begs you to teach her how to dance (even tho she's a fucking professional at it) and during you session would insisted you to play romantic songs ONLY romantic songs she wants to feel like you actually going along the lyrics living out her very own fantasy sometimes iida and izuku would join as well which ruins her fun

•Kouda is a absolute cinnamonroll he loves seeing you being drowned in his animal friends! The way your so gentle with the birds and how you nuzzle your cheeks against the rabbits and snakes his heart can't even take it anymore your just too precious!

•Sato bribes you like hypnotize you with your favorite treats to onky spend time with him and only him, get easily mad if anyone tries to take his pastries (denki, mina sero, or even bakugo) that are meant for you he insults them saying that they were for you and ONLY for you

•Tokoyami is mostly quiet around you as well like todoroki but he's more of the observation type he wants to know about everything about you whenni said everything I mean EVERYTHING to your likes and dislikes and your family and friends everything he and Todoroki would even team up to get as much info, don't get him wrong he thinks your very capable of yourself in the battle field but he can't help but worry as shit thinking about all the worse case senarios that could happen to you

•tsuyu is will prob act the most normal even tho she's just as obessive as then rest of them but she can managed it for now she convinces you to stay close by her whenever your friends started bickering over you getting any chance she can get to feel your body warmth when it's winter she's the most clingy when cold she clings on you like stitches to the point it can be suffocating at times

• Aoyama is your basically worshipping you to the GROUND like your elegantly and graciousness just gets him on his knees for you he starts going to dancing sessions to impress you on his move makimg you play all sorts of songs that includes slow dancing, ballet just anything he just wants to be as close as you as he can be as return he'll teach you French! And treat you cheese!

• at training they will cause up a storm about who will be your parther for sparing to the point aizawa just says "fuck it!" And be your parther to everyone dismay, your gonna get tugged in different directions by everyone to the point if you ever need a break you will need to be extra quiet to sneak away and hide for a while

•even at the bath scene where mineta was about to climb the wall majority of the boys lose it seeing that rodent bakugo even assist todoroki you know it's bad and izuku just let's him as the other boy find ways to get the pest down.. while the girls on the other hand try their best to cover you as best as they can while tsuyu and jirou gets read to beat the shit out the little grape

[cripplecharacters]

I've been working on a world since 2019 and a few characters have had disability aides that are, like, full arms (haven't done legs yet for some reason, maybe because i drew a Lot of halfbody things for a while) but i have a dilemma that I'd like some advice on

so when a character is amputated/born missing a limb in my world they can choose to keep the amputation as is, or choose to get a 'robot arm' for lack of a better term. they aren't very advanced in technology in the usual way, but everything is kind of shifted to the left. it's been thousands of years and VHS players survived, but the video output hasn't, so now they have reprogrammed them to connect to lazers that show on the top of the box. they also tried cars (a very safe model that ran on water) but stopped once a couple died in a crash. they like pick and choose what they work on i guess

but! the disability part of this is: would it be alright if i have them create a synthetic limb that connects to their nerves (a VERY careful process) so it can still act like an abled limb, or would this just br a cop-out 'magic robot arm that is just like the flesh arm'? there are also alternatives to the ability aides as well; someone can get extremely tall mantis-like legs or get special made claws or whatever makes the person happy. i have a character i always think about with this since she's a tattoo artist that was born with her left arm amputated from the shoulder. so she could use the 'robot arm' to do the tattooing and use her other hand to hold the client still and move them around, but i don't want it to be the 'magic limb' thing again

if this is way too wordy you are more than welcome to tell me to try again, i am sorry, i just want to make sure everything is on the table and makes sense. hope you're having a lovely day/night!

Hello, thank you for your ask!

Note while we don’t have any amputee mods, I live with metal implants and will draw from that lived experience.

If you were to have a prosthetic limb be able to act just like a natural limb, it would fall into the ‘perfect prosthetic’ trope. This kind of character design isn’t disability representation, it’s just for the sake of aesthetic. Here are posts we’ve reblogged on the subject by amputees, I’d recommend looking at them [link] [same post but video format] [link]. These posts go much more into living with prosthetics, what to think about when making an amputee character and tropes to avoid that I ever could. If you really want the cool aesthetic of having a human with awesome robot parts, make an android/robot instead! You get all the cool visuals without peddling myths about disabled people that a surprising amount of people really believe.

As for having a character with an arm prosthetic that’s a tattoo machine, I think it’s fine! I’ve seen real world examples of that exact thing [link]. Just know it won’t act as a hand holding a tattoo machine, it’ll be stiff and to adjust the angle your character will either move their arm or manually adjust with their hand.

There is real world work on making prosthetics that connect to nerves, so I’ll talk about that as well. In previous posts we’ve talked about how most arm amputees don’t like wearing prosthetics since they tend to be heavy, uncomfortable and difficult to use, and that’s especially true for mechanical prosthetics. This article on the subject [link] [video that goes a bit more into it] shows a real world example of exactly the kind of prosthetic you’re talking about, though notably with zero feedback from the people who have one. It briefly touches on how the weight may be uncomfortable, how it needs frequent readjustments and practice from both the technicians and amputee to do things like pick up a block, and how the nerve sensors in it are dull, but I imagine that’s only a small bit of the real story. From personal experience, once a nerve is severed it is extremely difficult to ‘wake it up,’ and in some cases may be impossible. It took months of physical and occupational therapy for me to get back small motions and any physical sensation, and for a long time after that what I could feel changed from nothing to either dull, buzzy discomfort or electrical pain. Not to mention the metal implanted in the person for it to work would hurt [plus these kinds of prosthetic implants that go into the bone have a high failure rate due to the very increased risk of getting an infection, as the implant is both inside and outside the body]. If it gets too cold, if the air pressure changes, and just sometimes randomly metal implants become painful, and I’ve yet to meet anyone with implants with a different experience.

Essentially, using this kind of prosthetic would be extremely difficult and would also be painful and uncomfortable, and any character with one would need to be very dedicated, not to mention have a lot of spare time to dedicate to learning to use it and money to afford it, it’s surgeries and the frequent appointments to get it to work.

I hope this helps!

Mod Rot

[leandra-kinard]

you could just not respond and keep the slurs to yourself. have you ever considered that? maybe a post by someone affected by the slur isn't the place to harp on why it's so hard for you to not be able to type it. you can have your opinions, you're grown and obviously not open to change. but consider respect and decorum when you decide to invalidate the feelings of marginalized people on their own fandom experiences. blocking is free, scrolling is free, be fucking decent.

Sigh. I am going to respond calmly to this one because it comes from a place of wanting to be supportive and understanding to other people's struggles.

However, I still disagree. Firstly, I've seen posts like these many times, and the logical fallacy in it has always rubbed me the wrong way. So I felt like I wanted to say something this time in the hopes of opening people's eyes to the logical fallacy. The assumption that I could do this on here was, admittedly, too optimistic.

Secondly, I understand not wanting to be faced with things that are uncomfortable to us, but that's not how the world works. And in many ways, that is good or at least neutral.

There are many things that make us - in our own personal contexts - uncomfortable, and the feelings as such are valid. But what is not - in my understanding of fairness and common sense - valid, is making your own problem (that is valid in your limited personal context) everyone else's problem.

I find that kind of behavior not only annoying and irrational but actually dangerous.

To elaborate on what dangers I am seeing in it in detail would go beyond the scope of this response, but to pick out one factor, it's dangerous because it creates the attitude and assumption that things are universally something because they are that thing to you.

That automatically creates injustices for people in wider and different contexts, and an atmosphere of anxiety and over-caution that is detrimental to human interaction.

We are all different, we all come from different social and cultural contexts. We have different personal and societal needs, different expressions of ourselves. To measure everything by one standard you automatically apply bigotry towards other standards.

This 'trend' to find offense in things and limit the ways in which we can communicate and express ourselves is so fucking detrimental to us as human beings. People preach for tolerance and acceptance but then are incapable of applying it to others when others' needs clash with one's own.

Example: the whole "queer is a slur" discourse. There are people who have VALID lived experiences with the word "queer" being used against them as a slur, often combined with physical violence; there are gay men who have been beaten up or even killed while being called that.

On the other hand, you have a mostly younger generation (but not solely) who have reclaimed the word and feel empowered by describing themselves as such; there are many neutral usages for the word as well, such as "queer theory" in academia.

So what do you do with that? Who gets to decide which side is right and which side is wrong?

If we were to apply the principle of who feels the strongest about it, who has known the most violence/discrimination in connection with the phrase, then we would HAVE to concede to the "queer is a slur" faction (and to the "ABO without dashes is a slur" faction). If there are just a dozen non-straight people out there who get literally (not over-used figuratively) triggered back to violent and abusive experiences when hearing/reading the word "queer", then we all have to stop using it, right?

Well. For some reason we (society/the LGBT+ community at large) have decided that no. We care more about the utility of the word queer in the contexts we have created than we care about the valid and lived experiences of those people. Because it HAS utility and means something positive to many people.

(Personally, I am very much in two minds about this issue and understand both positions.)

And this example is even different than the ABO one, because we are talking about "queer" with the same main meaning in the same language. It's not like "queer" means "wood shoe" in Swahili or is a company that makes knitting needles in Korea. "Queer" means the same thing, whether it's used as a slur or used as an empowering/neutral term to describe non-straight people.

Whereas ABO means a myriad of entirely different things in different languages, most of all as an acronym for completely innocuous things like the "American Board of Orthodontics" or my cited wind energy corporation. So there you even have a much more washed out and very much broadened variety of meaning and context.

So, then why is it we say "Fuck them older queers who have been hate-crimed and killed while being called this slur that we like to use to describe our identity" but don't apply it to ABO fanfiction where the meaning is completely removed from the meaning of the slur?

It's not only inconsistent, it's even going much further into the restrictive!

So no, I do not play along, I do not keep quiet, I do not simply accept it. Because it is IMPORTANT to remind people to THINK. To see context, see meaning, see intention. And to also understand that the world cannot be fair to everyone because every fairness to you is an unfairness to someone else.

We HAVE to be able to tolerate and understand that. Or else we have to succumb to tribalism and all stay in our small little niches where everyone thinks and speaks exactly like we do, and if you only fall one millimeter out of line, you have to find your own community, because you can't be part of ours anymore.

THAT is the danger in this way of thinking.

If we ban saying "abo fanfic", we have to ban saying "queer community", we have to ban Brits smoking "a fag", we have to ban Spanish speakers saying "libro (or other masculine noun) negro", and so on.

And we CANNOT do that because it creates more injustice than it initially strives to fight.

[holmesianlove]

Chapter 2 - Biscuits

John sat with his head in his hands groaning low in his throat as Mrs Hudson prepared some tea. She loved her boys. Sherlock, she’d known for a long time now and had taken on the role of a surrogate mother of sorts. That boy’s parents did not come to London enough to check on their son, and his older brother was far too stifling, in her opinion. Sherlock had never had a chance to just breathe for himself. So Martha Hudson had made it her mission to make his life as comfortable as possible within some very strict constraints. She was not the landlady. But she also cared for him deeply.

The day John Watson entered the scene, everything changed for the better. Sherlock’s entire demeanour was different now. The minute she saw them together, she had assumed romance because Sherlock had never seemed to light, so inspired as he did with this boy in the room. She still had hope. One day they’d sort themselves out.

“You know, John,” she began carefully, “Sherlock can be an acquired taste.”

John huffed loudly, lifting his face long enough to give her a dark expression before returning back to his posture of despair.

“Sherlock loves his experiments…”

“I’m green, Mrs Hudson. Green,” he moaned back looking up at her.

“I think it’s a great compliment that he feels comfortable enough with you to try these things. Don’t you?” she tried enthusiastically, placing a cup of tea in front of him and then bring over a plate of biscuits and cupcakes to set on the table, which had, unfortunately been iced with a lovely matching shade of green.

John looked at her horrified.

“Merely an unfortunate coincidence,” she sighed. “Sorry.”

He grumbled something to himself and took a sip of the tea. The two of them sat in silence for a decent length of time but somehow it didn’t feel uncomfortable. “You think this is a sign of friendship?” he finally asked.

Mrs Hudson shrugged and sipped her tea.

“I think it’s convenience. Before me he had no-one to experiment on and now here I am. A live bloody subject,” he grumbled.

“John,” Mrs Hudson said, scolding him. “You’re so much more than that to Sherlock and you know it.”

“I was supposed to have a date!” John cried out.

Mrs Hudson couldn’t help chuckling.

“He always, always ruins my dates.”

“Let’s be honest dear, you don’t enjoy them. You’ve told me that many a time,” she reminded him with a stern look.

John simply sighed. And the silence returned.

“Well,” Mrs Hudson said with a huff. “I know it, even if you don’t. You’re the best thing to happen to that boy. He certainly knows it. And while I can appreciated that being green is not conducive to dating…”

John gave her a look.

“I can’t argue with you there,” she conceded. “But I will tell you this: Sherlock Holmes comes from a wealthy family who own property all over the country.”

John frowned not understanding where that was going.

“The poor boy was being suffocated by his parents and his brother watching over his every move, ever since… well you know about the drugs, at least in theory. I have known him a long time and I offered him the flat. I owe him a favour or two myself,” she said with a stiff smile.

“Your husband,” John said with a nod of understanding. “So?”

“Sherlock doesn’t need a flatmate, John. He has money,” she continued. “He had already been living here on his own for a while before you.”

“He told me he’d just moved in,” John said, sitting straighter, his voice rising slightly, ready for a battle, despite it being with the wrong person.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re saying he allowed me to move in so he had someone to experiment on and I’m paying for the privilege?” he moaned.

She chuckled quietly. “No, John. I’m saying he usually prefers to live alone and doesn’t like people but he offered you the room, after a very short conversation, from what I understand.”

John’s shoulders relaxed. “A very strange and short conversation, yes.”

“And you took it with no argument,” she reminded him.

“Yes, that’s true. I… well I had nothing much else to lose.”

“Indeed,” she said, passing him a cupcake which he took. He started playing with the wrapper, unfolding it as he thought.

When he didn’t say anything she spoke again. “You needed each other, I think,” she said quietly.

“Why does he have to make things so difficult?” John moaned, biting into the cupcake. He looked up at Mrs Hudson with a clear appreciation for her baking and returned to eating it.

“The minute I saw you both together, I knew that you had saved each other’s lives,” she finally admitted.

John would have argued but he had a mouth full of cake so he worked on that as he thought and at least from his point of view she was absolutely right.

Mrs Hudson picked up her tea cup and paused. “Is it true that Mycroft whisked you off and made threats?” She had heard this from Sherlock at some point and always wanted to ask.

John looked at her in surprise. “It most certainly is. He has a lot to answer for,” John scoffed. “But he doesn’t scare me.”

“And that’s why Sherlock trusts you. He knows. You’re his protector now. His family are far quieter because they know you’re here and they trust you too.”

“No.” John frowned. “I doubt that.”

“It’s true, John. You have changed Sherlock. And that sweet boy may struggle to tell you so, but you mean a great deal to him.” She reached out and patted John’s hand that was resting on the table. “He’s like a school boy playing pranks on a crush.”

John spat out the mouthful of tea he had taken in and Mrs Hudson sat back in shock, pulling her hand away and sitting up straighter. “John Hamish Watson!” she scolded.

“I… wait, how do you know my middle name?!” he squeaked.

“Sherlock may be an idiot when it comes to you, but I assure you I am not. My husband worked with the cartel. I have ways,” she sighed, getting up to fetch a cloth.

John sat staring into space. What in God’s name was she even talking about?

“It’s not a crush Mrs Hudson,” John finally said.

“No. You’re right about that,” she agreed as she wiped the table.

John relaxed visibly and sat back in his chair.

“It was merely an analogy,” she said gently.

“Well good. I thought I’d cleared it up with you that first day. We’re not a couple. I’m not gay, and Sherlock Holmes does not have a crush on me that induces him to experiment on me… to stop my dates.” As he finished the thought he hesitated. He hoped that wasn’t the purpose of this in any case.

“You’re absolutely right. He doesn’t have a crush. Sherlock Holmes loves you with his whole being,” Mrs Hudson said, levelling a very firm look at John.

John froze in her gaze, swallowing hard. If he’d been a normal colour it would have drained from his face. And thank goodness he was green so she couldn’t see the blush that then rose on his cheeks, though he knew full well that Martha Hudson could see past the green. She knew everything.

They remained frozen like that for what felt like an uncomfortable age as John processed her words. He felt his entire body respond to them.

“John!” Sherlock called out from the doorway.

John twisted around to see Sherlock standing there, relieved at the interruption but then terrified at the thought he might have heard the conversation.

“How long have you…?”

“John, we have to go!” he rushed on excitedly. “There’s no time for cups of tea!”

“Sherlock Holmes!” Mrs Hudson scolded.

Sherlock’s shoulders dropped and he walked around the table to where she was standing and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Better,” she said. “Honestly your manners sometimes.” She rolled her eyes.

“John. Come on! Get up. There’s a case.” He reached over and grabbed a biscuit, taking a bite and flashing Mrs Hudson a wink before rushing back out.

John sat for a moment. He had far bigger problems now. He leapt up, ran over to her and gave her a kiss too. “Thank you for the tea!” he cried out, as he chased after Sherlock Holmes.

The colour of his skin had been long forgotten. The game was on!

——

@notjustamumj @lisbeth-kk @helloliriels @totallysilvergirl @221beloved @safedistancefrombeingsmart @givemesherbet-blog-blog @naefelldaurk

[thepigeonhasapen]

I was wondering if you could do the Olympian Gods with a reader whose asexual? Like, what would their reactions be, would they mind, stuff like that d:

Asexual Reader, Olympian Edition

(Doing these asks out of order but shhhhhhh. Also strong warning for acephobia because Zeus in an ass)

🩷Aphrodite🩷

Very chill about it. She's the goddess of love and that includes ALL kinds of love. Self-love is one of her favorites. The fact that you know and accept who you are and that you're willing to let her in on it? Well, Aphrodite might just adore you even more than she already did.

"You’re...? Well of course I don't mind, dearest! In fact, I think that's positively wonderful!"

Regardless of whether or not you're interested, Aphrodite still can't refrain from making comments about your physical appearance. She'll try and curtail some of them if you find them uncomfortable, but she loves lavishing praise upon you and talking you up to her friends.

Partially jealous to be perfectly honest. She can't help but wonder if you have a more pure understanding of beauty because you're not looking at it though the rose-tinted lens of horny. Aphrodite is deeply fascinated by asexuality and even if she doesn't quite understand it, she tries her best.

⚔️Ares⚔️

Doesn't mind. Honestly, it doesn't even really impact him that much. Just neatly writes sex out of the equation and carries on.

"You seem nervous, my dear. You... oh? Is that all? No need to distress yourself so much over such things. I love you as you are and knowing this will not change that."

May ask you a few questions at the beginning but mostly leaves the subject alone after that.

If anyone's giving you shit, all it takes is a dirty look from Ares to shut them up. What can I say the man has a way with not using his words.

🏹Artemis🏹

You too?? Artemis tries to play it off cool but she's low-key thrilled actually. Internally screaming because thank the Fates, she can get as close to you as she wants and she doesn't have to worry about things getting Weird™️

"You’re ace? That's... cool. Sorry, that came off as really insincere. It's just... me too, you know? I got a little surprised is all. And um, we've been hanging out for a while and I just wanted to say, you know, now that we're talking about this and I know you're not gonna take this the wrong way, I think you're really neat. I love hanging out with you. ...Don't go spreading that around though, okay?"

Artemis is sex-repulsed. If you are too, she drags you to family events so she can make faces at you whenever her family starts talking about their sexual conquests. If you're not, she's deeply fascinated and will probably ask you WHY on earth you would want to do that.

Despite the fact that Artemis doesn't want to have sex, I feel like she'd still enjoy certain kinks. Primal play, petplay, and leather are things I feel she'd enjoy partaking in. (Source: I am ace and very kinky lmao)

🦉Athena🦉

What a good match, Athena is asexual too! She probably blanks your confession to be honest because she sometimes forgets that people actually have sex frequently and on purpose.

"Asexual? Yes, alright. And how fared your journey up to Olympus by the way? I hope Hermes treated you well."

Sex-neutral. Will occasionally give sex a go if her partner happens to bring it up but will mostly just forget it's existence as a thing entirely.

Athena is actually quite haughty about her asexuality. She is definitely looking down on anyone who is swayed from the path of wisdom by someone else's sex appeal. Loves that you can understand her point of view on the subject.

❄️Demeter❄️

As Demeter has aged her sex drive has shrunk to like nil so really nothing about your relationship is much different.

"Asexual...? Ah, like young Artemis, yes? Fascinating. I've never been able to pin her down long enough to converse upon the subject. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

Demeter tends to be a touch more overprotective than she needs to be. If anyone even so much as gives a hint of giving you shit for it, Demeter is sending them an absolute withering glare that has the potential to kill even the most vibrant flower. She follows it up with some bitterly cold words if necessary but it rarely comes to that.

She's honestly quite relieved about it really. She was never really that horny of a person and is happy to find someone who can relate to that. I personally think Demeter is some kind of acespec but that might also be my asexual ass projecting my aceness onto every character I get my grubby little hands on lol

🍇Dionysus🍇

Chill about it. He's chill about literally everything, what do you expect? Dionysus is commonly associated with trans people and I like to believe that queer people in general just flock to him because he's just so open and accepting.

"Ace, yeah? Congrats, man, thanks for telling me. Just let me know if I ever step on any toes, 'kay?"

Not gonna lie, he secretly corners Artemis and Athena to bother them on the subject just in case he's got it wrong. He didn’t as it turns out, but he's glad he checked in anyway because it was an enlightening conversation. With Athena anyway. Artemis runs off at the first available opportunity.

Happy to go whatever speed you want, if you want to go any speed at all. He may still get a little handsy sometimes but he doesn't mean anything by it, he just really likes holding you like a teddy bear. Honestly, I think he'd get a real kick out of somebody aegosexual and think it was such a super fun party trick that you can say such horny things and not be interested at all. Probably mildly pesters you to engage with smutty things because he finds your unamused expressions absolutely fascinating.

🪽Hermes🪽

Bursts out laughing when you tell him. It's not for the reason you think and he does feel really bad about it when he sees your face.

"Haha, of all the...! Haha– oh, hey, hey, I'm sorry, it's not that. I totally don't mind you being ace or anything, far from it, it's just that I seem to have an accidental habit for attracting your type and I seem to be collecting you."

Besides you, the person Hermes spends the most time with is Charon... who is also asexual. Hermes, the uberhorny hypersexual fuckbunny who would literally die for a quickie every five minutes find this hilarious. Opposites attract I guess? Hermes has a good giggle about it everytime he thinks about it.

Doesn't mind if you don't want to have sex. If you do, great! But if you don't, it's not a big deal.

🔱Poseidon🔱

Poseidon is... confused. It'll work out better if you're sex-repulsed and straight up don't want to have sex ever, otherwise poor Poseidon will absolutely struggle. He doesn't understand the difference between sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction and is just genuinely so out of his depth. You like the way he looks... but you don't want to have sex with him??

"What's that? Asexual? I, uh... okay, just between the two of us, you're gonna have to explain that one to me, babe."

He talks to Dionysus. Even after that he still doesn't get it. Poseidon tries his best to be supportive but has like no idea how. Probably shooes away people who try to even mention sex in your vicinity. It's gonna take awhile before he understands how this works. Confused but he's got the spirit kinda?

May initially try to convince you that you just haven't had good sex yet. Sit him down, explain this all to him, and he'll probably get it. Okay, let's be honest, he still doesn't get it but he respects your choice and generally leaves the subject alone. His libido is quite high though so he will frequently sleep around just to scratch that itch.

⚡️Zeus⚡️

We were doing good until we got to you, huh Zeus? Zeus just quite firmly doesn't believe in asexuality. He definitely thinks you're just confused or that you haven't had sex right yet or that you'll change your mind at some point.

"Asexual? Oh dear, have you been talking to that daughter of mine, Artemis? She's always on about something or other, if she chooses to talk to us at all."

Zeus won't force you to have sex but he will make subtle (he thinks he's being subtle anyway) comments about how you're a tease or a prude. If you're interested in having sex, Zeus doesn't understand the definition and just thinks you don't find him attractive. His feelings are now hurt. He will be throwing a violent totally-not-a-tantrum now.

Will eventually, probably shut up about it. Look, he's never gonna understand it so shutting up about it is the best you're gonna get from him. This idiot thinks with his penis, okay? Athena stole all the intelligence from him at birth. Just doesn't get it, very confused, cannot even comprehend the idea of not wanting to bang everything in sight.

[princeelectra]

love your blog, big fan of StEx and Electra.

but I had a question, sorry if this is like bad to ask or uncomfortable but what does Fictionkin mean exactly?

I tried to look it up but I don't think Google was giving me the right thing and I personally think I may be mixing it up with something else too...

but also like, this place doesn't count as an RP blog right? I hope I haven't been thinking of your blog all wrong.

I'm sorry, and I'm also sorry if this was wrong to ask about. you don't need to respond or whatever if I upset. sorry again.

Hello, anon!!

No, that's not bad at all - it's actually an AMAZING question! I think a lot of new people here must be confused about that too- ^^)"

Basically, that means that I have a bond so strong with the fictional character, I almost... Feel like him! Or at least a version of him--

Mmm... Let me try to explain better - "prince" is basically... My version of Electra. It's me, telling my life as if I was Electra myself, like a train metaphor of my life. It basically represents me as the person I wanted to be, as I use Electra as a daily inspiration and motivation for who I want to be!

It's not exactly a RP blog, since it's my blog... As a boring human being that I am - BUUUT I tend to post as Prince too, because being Electra makes me happy! :D

Sooo... I hope that helped a lil bit to understand what's happening here! And - Thank you so much for liking my blog and my silly train posting! Knowing that someone likes the stuff I post and recognizes me in a big sea of Tumblr blogs makes me soooo happy! Thank you so much!! 💜💜💜💜

[batri-jopa]

Nan Goldin (full speech)

Opening Speech 'This Will Not End Well' at Neue Nationalgalerie (Berlin, 22. Nov. 2024):

The four minutes you spent standing in silence represence one one hundredth of a second for each of the 44,757 people killed in Palestine by Israeli forces. Half of them children. 10,000 of them burried under the ruble. And the 3,516 people killed in Lebanon by Israeli forces. And 815 Israeli civilians killen on October 7th.

Were you uncomfortable? I hope so. We need to feel uncomfortable to feel our bodies under siege even for a minute. Those are the official numbers, however there is other reporting that the direct and indirect deaths from this war is closer to 186,000.

Why did I feel I have to talk tonight? This is my lifetime retrospective but there is nothing from the past year and that's missing. The museum kept its promise to allow me to talk and I thank them. But they claim that my activism and my art are separate even though that it has never been the case. The last year has been Palestine and Lebanon for me. Since October 7th I found it hard to breathe. I feel the catastrophe in my body. But ut's not in this show.

Why am I talking to you, Germany? Because tongues have been tied gagged by the goverment, the police and the cultural crackdown. This is the city that we used to consider refuge. Now over 180 artists, writers and teachers have been cancelled since October 7th. Some for something as banal as a like on Instagram. Many of the Palestinians, 20% of the Jews.

Why am I talking here? I decided to use this exhibition as a platform to amplify my position of moral outrage at the genocide in Gaza and Lebanon. I saw my show is a test case. Is an artist in my position is allowed to express their political stance without being cancelled I hope I'm paving a path for other artists to speak out without these being censored. I hope that's the result. Why can't I speak, Germany? Criticism of Israel has been conflated with antisemitism. Anti-Zionism has nothing to do with antisemitism.

[loud applause from audience]

This is a false equivalency used to maintain the occupation of Palestine and to supress those who speak out. The word antisemitism has been weaponized. It's lost its meaning. In declaring all criticism against Israel is antisemitic it makes it harder to define and stop violent hatred against Jews.

[voices from the audience: "Hundred percent, yeah!"]

We are less saved. Is that all, Germany? Meanwhile islamophobia is being ignored. The goverment's weaponization of antisemitism is being aimed at the Palestinian community in this country and those who speak out and support for them. Germany is home of the largest Palestinian diaspora in Europe yet protesters met with police dogs, they met deportations and stigmatization.

[Another applause from audience]

Are you Listening, Germany? Yesterday the highest criminal court in the world, the ICC officially issued arrest warrants for Netanyahu and Gallant for war crimes of starvation as a method of warfare

[Voices from audience: "Lock them up!"]

for crimes against humanity, for the widespread and systematic attack of the civilian population of Gaza. The ICJ is talking about genocide. The UN is talking about genocide. Even the Pope is talking about genocide. We're not supposed to call it a genocide.

Are you afraid to hear this, Germany? This is a war against children. Children are directly targeted, shot in a head. On average a child is killed in Gaza every 10 minutes. They're intentionally destroying the next generation. The children, who lose their entire families are asking to die. What have you learned, Germany?

[Audience: "nothing! Nothing!"]

My grandparents escaped the groules in Russia. I was brought up knowing about Nazi Holocaust. What I see in Gaza reminds me of the pogroms that me grandparents escaped. Never again means never again for everyone.

[Long loud applause from the audience]

Israel defines itself as the eternal victim, which means you can never be blamed and so is incapable of victimizing others. Why can't you hear this, Germany? There has been a genocide unfolding on our phones for the last 14 months in real time. The first genocide that's ever been live streamed. The heroic journalists are risking their lives to send us daily dispatches even as they are targeted by bombs and drones. 137 journalists have been targeted and killed since October 7th, mostly Palestinians. Israel doesn't want a record left.

What don't you see, Germany? We cannot look away. Can you imagine if it was possible to watch the war in Vietnam, the etjnic cleansing in Bosnia or even the Holocaust live stream on your phone. Would we have turned it away? Even if we are incapable to change what is going on, we need to bear witness. And we need to amplify the voices of the Palestinians. But there is still an opportunity for the world to step in and stop this horror. Why are you afraid to hear this, Germany?

There is a total eradication of the conditions for life of an entire population. The Israeli generals have made their intentions clear: to mow the lawn. This is clearly ethnic cleansing. It was a landgrab from the beginning. Most people have been displaced multiple times and now there's going waterfront real estate on Palestinian land at synagogues in the US. The loss of civilian life has been intentional. If there was a terrorist in the tunnels of the New York subway system wpuld they drop a 2,000 pound bomb on the entire subway? Why can't you see this, Germany?

It's a domicide as well. 88% of homes have been destroyed in Gaza. Almost every Palestinian has been forcibly displaced. The entire infrastructure of Palestine has been destroyed. The hospitals, the schools, the universities, the libraries. It's also a cultural genocide. Why can't you see this, Germany?

In a country like Israel, where everyone is a soldier, extreme violence has become accepted. Cruelty and cynicism have become the norm. There are thousands of hours of TikTok video of soldiers committing war crimes. They prosecute themselves: smashing up home, dressinh up in women's lingerie, celebrating burning villages, bragging of killing children.

I'm talking to America: this slaughter would stop if the US stopped arming Israel

[Applause from audience]

US has spend $22 billion on military to aid to Israel, 69% of the weapons being used in the slaughter are US made and 30% are from Germany.

[Voices from audience: "shame on you! Shame!"]

I will not stop talking to you America. This is not just an Israeli war, it's also an American war. Cirporations are profiting wildly, their stocks of skyrocketed as the US vetos cease resolutions over and over.

Why am I talking? Because advocating for human rights cannot be antisemitic

[Long applause from audience]

because I use words people here feeling danger to say because the Israel and Germany use the Holocaust and memory culture to manufacture innocence. Because social media is shutting down pro-Palestinian voices. Because of potentional starvation of an entire population. Because of the occupation of 75 years that has to be ended. Because Lebanon is beginning to look like Gaza.

What do we need to do? Millions of people around the world are scream8ng for a ceasefire, for an arms embargo but their goverments are not listening. We need to demand an arms embargo. Meanwhile it's about time to stop policing our allies. If we're on the same side we should support each other even if we have different methods. Agree that our anger need to be channeled into action. The most important thing is to take to the streets

[applause from audience]

The more of us there are the more of us there are.

Video on Instagram in case YouTube was unavailable:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DCwVWtqiwID/?utm_source=ig_web_button_native_share

Nan Goldin Opens Exhibition In Berlin With Fiery Speech Against Israel | United States

[faaun]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

[incesthemes]

hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️

omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately

i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother

that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have

(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)

anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that

[bucksboobs]

I’m the anon from the post before and I understand what you mean! I guess I just took differently when I watched the show. I don’t think Charlie or Nick was upset about Ben being closeted I think they (especially Charlie) we’re just upset how Ben treated Charlie the entire. Also I’m not saying this to be rude or start anything this is just how I saw it:) I think Charlie was angry (as he should) about how Ben treated him through out the relationship they had and not about him being closeted. Because I do believe if Ben just communicated better and treated him better and didn’t treat Charlie the way he did it could’ve worked out. I’m just saying that I didn’t see them bashing Ben for being closeted only bashing him for treating Charlie the way he did without acknowledging how it felt for him.

Yeah I don't think Charlie or Nick is mad about Ben being closeted but weirdly I think the narrative is and that's what irks me. All his issues and bad behaviors are because he's closeted (you said yourself that it's because he's closeted that he treats Charlie the way he does) but the story doesn't seem interested in exploring that so much as punishing him for it by having both Imogen and Charlie yell at him and then throwing him out of the series before he can improve at all.

And when this show is so renowned for it's love and celebration of queer experiences and identity it will always feel out of place that Ben was left out in the dust seemingly because he and his experiences were too complex.

[coquelicoq]

Do you mind sharing your brand for ear plugs and noise canceling headphones? I’ve tried so many different kinds but have had trouble finding ones that work well or are also comfortable. I know our needs might be different but it would be worth a try! Ty <3

for earplugs i just use the kroger brand foam ones for sleeping and going to concerts. i really only need two things from earplugs: 1) they don't fall out and 2) they reduce noise somewhat. these work well enough so i haven't really shopped around for other options.

i don't actually like my noise-cancelling headphones, they're pretty uncomfortable on my head. they often give me a headache, and they make my ears all sweaty. but there are frequently very loud events on my street, and for a while there my neighbor was having a lot of noisy sex that i really didn't want to hear, and i was kind of losing my mind. so i asked for some headphones for christmas and am just using whatever random pair i was given. i think they're skullcandy brand.

i hope you have better luck soon!

[dredshirtroberts]

huh... the way my parents showed me the world worked was really kind of fucked up, it's no fucking wonder i have an anxiety disorder frankly.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[mad-hunts]

🎤 - An audio transcript from a recording

[ ARKHAM TAPES: patient 0158, barton mathis. FOR STAFF USE ONLY. ]

contains potentially triggering content such as child abuse, heavy violence, and overall disturbing content.

[ the only thing that can be heard in the beginning of the recording is the faint murmur of a man's voice — the volume is very low, and yet, you can just hear the southern twang in his voice as clear as day. the sound of the recording device scrapping against something loudly is what resounded through the audio next. then, it stopped, and the volume is much better as it seems whoever was using it fixed it. from there, a man who seemingly goes by the name DOCTOR BOWMAN begins speaking to someone across from him.

❝ alright. this is session number 3 with my patient, known as barton mathis, and the date is 3/12/2015; for records, this is doctor bowman. is it alright if i record our conversation? ❞ the southern twang the doctor had is more pronounced than ever now, and it made the slight hum that came from somewhere across from him in response to this seem a lot quieter than it actually was. the hum was resigned as if to say ' eh, whatever ' but there is a hint of aggression just barely present in it. a velvety, but still equally as deep voice answers him, ❝ mm, sure — why not? not that you really care about whether i want it be recorded, or not. ❞ doctor bowman paused at that. the only sound audible through the recording is a half-suppressed ' ahh ' that gives off a peculiar aura of sad understanding, ❝ i do care. we just have certain... rules set in place here, that everyone has to follow. it's just a policy has been in affect ever since doctor crane was fired from here. ❞

a quiet snort came from the other side of the room, and the sound of some sort of furniture crunching under the weight of barton adopting a new position atop it is audible. he sounded snide whenever he talked next, ❝ oh, he was a lot more than fired from here, wasn't he? it's okay. you can say that he became a patient here because he was experimenting on people. if only he wasn't after such a foolish goal. then, maybe he wouldn't have gotten caught, ❞ you can practically hear that the sneer that had no doubt formed on barton's face at that moment. doctor bowman said nothing at first, and then made an attempt at reining him in. ❝ okay, well, either way... we're not here to talk about doctor crane. we're here to talk about you. so, it seems from one of your previous psychiatrists, ❞ doctor bowman took another pause as the sound of him flipping through papers escaped the recording, ❝ that march is a particularly rough month for you. can you explain to me why that is? ❞

the room had suddenly become very quiet, to the point where all you could hear was the sound of both of their breathing. that is, until barton's voice made a return, but the velvetiness from it is completely gone. when he answered the doctor's question, barton's voice had hiked up a few octaves and he let out a muffled sigh as if something was obstructing his speech. maybe he was biting on one of his nails, or he was covering his face with his hand. i was hard to tell, ❝ mm, no. you cannot. next question, please. ❞ now it was doctor bowman's turn to adjust his position on what was probably a chair that he was sitting on. the sound of crinkling leather resounded through the speaker, and doctor bowman chose to try to pry an answer out of him. ❝ look, barton, if you ever hope to get better then you must realize that it's going to take some discom — ❞ doctor bowman paused mid-sentence as a gasp suddenly left his mouth and the sound of something crashing to the floor resounded through the room they were in. it resembled breaking glass, maybe from a lamp, or something similar.

doctor bowman's voice trembled at the beginning when he began talking once more, but it became steady after a few more seconds as he was trained to keep it neutral, ❝ barton, why... why do you have that? no, how did you get that? ahh. you know what, i'm going to call the orderlies, ❞ what ' it ' is is unclear. the sound of shuffling, then what was probably the weight of the doctor himself being forced back down onto the chair, came through the speaker. doctor bowman attempted to say something but was cut off, now letting out another gasp. barton's voice sounded a lot quieter now, but there is a certain coldness to it. a fury, if you will, ❝ you call them, and i will kill them, then you. you think you know why march is a terrible time for me because i can guarantee you that it was scrawled down in that folder. but you actually have no fucking idea. ❞

instead of asking him to elaborate more, doctor bowman tried to appeal to the more human side of him. he sucked in a breath before coughing. ❝ do — do not do this. you know what is going to happen if you do, don't you? if you just put the knife down right now, i promise you, i'll make it so that you aren't going to face as severe of repercussions from this. ❞ another cough, and just like that, barton's voice wrang throughout the room. it was deceptively sweet now, like he was relishing in the other's terror. a series of low-pitched laughs came from him. ❝ ooh my god, doctor, you should've been a comedian. no... i'll tell you what you want to know, since you are one persistent person. and so you'll have something to think about while you're gurgling on your own blood. this is the month in which my biological father was killed by the worst pig of them all: jim gordon. but it wasn't just that he was killed that makes it so rough for me. ❞

barton inhaled deeply, clearing his throat, ❝ it's that i wanted to kill him, too. i thought about grabbing a knife from the kitchen, sneaking into his bedroom, and killing him multiple times. but that's not even the worst part. ❞ another laugh came from barton but it wasn't sadistic, or even snide. it was choked-sounding. ❝ despite all of the foul things he did to me, i think a part of me still loves him. i mean there can't be any other reason why i would want to keep a part of him, ❞ there was a long pause then before he sniffled and the sound of crinkling leather once more crept through the recording.

❝ ahh, but you know, you were one of the better ones. it's a shame i have to kill you. ❞ a high-pitched scream soon blared throughout the room in which this was recorded, before the room fell entirely silent. the only sounds after this were footsteps, which were undoubtably barton's, and the recorder being turned off. ]

[dogearedheart]

8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)