#I hope every calamity befalls them I hope every bad thing happens I hope they break up we are in a fucking library can I not have Peace in

[kavehater]

UGHDKDOSLSSKS !!!!

[ladyjaneasherr]

Jane Asher and Gerald Scarfe photographed at home, 1987.

Part 1 out of 2.

WHY DONT WE CARE

Of course most people would say that we do— but actress Jane Asher knows different. She knows only too well how a moment's carelessness can put your child in danger. And in her new book, she asks why we don't do more to keep our children safe. Mary Fletcher reports. Picture by Sandra Lousada.

Jane Asher sweeps in the front door, dumps a bag of supermarket shopping in one corner, rings her cartoonist husband Gerald Scarfe in his studio upstairs to tell him she's home, checks for messages, pats the dog, and removes the children's toys from the sofa. As one of those energetic people who likes to do several things at once, she has been up since seven, made breakfast for Katie, 14, Alexander, six and four-year-old Rory, driven them to school, done a telephone interview, spent the rest of the morning at her publisher's and been to Marks and Spencer to buy Gerald a pair of trousers. Now, with an hour to spare before another school run, she can sit down in her beautiful Chelsea home and chat. But you get the feeling she'd much prefer to be doing something useful, like icing a cake, learning a script or whipping up a gourmet dinner for six. Preferably all at the same time.

Since her mother took her to an acting agent at the age of five, largely because she was bright, pretty and had flame-coloured hair, Jane has never stopped doing things. She would have you believe she's totally inefficient. Yet it's hard to believe that being actress, author, columnist, charity worker, wife and mother all just get squeezed into her life higgledy-piggledy. "I'm always in a muddle. I rush from one thing to another and never quite get anything done,” she says unconvincingly.

“Gerald laughs when he sees me being called Superwoman because he knows what I'm like when I'm in a bad mood, rushing around shouting at the children and he's eating cornflakes for lunch!"

According to Jane, even child-rearing is being accomplished only by absentmindedly dropping one now and then, or having another one break bone by falling off a bike or a playhouse. It's reassuring to hear her say she's not the perfect mother. Otherwise her eighth and latest book might read like a guilt inducing lecture. Called Keep Your Baby Safe, it sets out every calamity that could possibly befall a baby up to the age of three: choking, cot death, concussion and cat scratches, dehydration, diarrhoea, dog bites, drowning. stings, snake bites, scalds, and sunburn.

As a list of all the ghastly things that can happen to a toddler, it's enough to put you off starting a family for all time. Which is certainly not Jane's intention.

She wrote it because she was asked and has ended up enormously proud of a handbook, which she hopes, unlike her fun books on cake decoration and fancy dress, might actually do some good. "It's difficult to mention everything that could cause an accident without making it seem as if life's not worth trying,” she says. "I've tried to keep the tone light, but at the same time I felt I had to put everything in. "You'd be a saint if you brought your children up without anything ever happening to them. You can't be vigilant every single second and there are some accidents that, no matter how careful you are, will happen anyway. But if the book helps to stop even one tragedy, then I feel it will have been worthwhile.”

As a mother of three, Jane admits to personal experience of at least some of the disasters she advises others to avoid. Even while writing the book, her son Alexander suffered a broken elbow and Rory a scalded foot. “ It's awful when you start looking back -you sound like some hopeless parent permanently tripping over them and throwing them downstairs," she says. "But you'd do anything to avoid your child being in pain. When Alexander broke his elbow, the feeling I had as a mother was m indescribable. It was the most hellish time of my life. When he was in the hospital screaming in agony, the sense of helplessness was absolutely ghastly the worst possible thing one could imagine. I remember my mother always said how she wished she could have the pain for us and I knew then exactly what she meant. Somehow the guilt of knowing that perhaps you could have prevented it makes it worse." Alexander's elbow is now back in working order, but the accident reinforced Jane's belief that not enough attention is paid to child safety.

(continued in the next post).

[arknights-imagines]

Hi, I hope this is okay. I’d like to request an imagine in which skadi lets (male) doctor rest on her lap after a long day at work if that’s okay. Basically something just intimate and fluffy. I really love all your pieces so far, keep up the good work!

Hi Anon! 🥺 Ty for leaving a request and I'm glad you like my work 😭✨ Skadi is one of my favourites so I was happy that I got a request for her 🌸 I hope I did her justice! 🥺 Please enjoy 😭

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By The Shore

imagine format; no fixed perspective!

Contains: Skadi, male Doctor, fluffiness and Doctor being tried after a long day 🥺

Word count: a little over 1k!

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It wasn't very often Rhodes Island spent much time in remote locations, but when they did it was typically for business purposes that would tire everyone out. The Doctor was no exception to this exhaustion; he had spent so much of the day meeting potential Rhodes Island recruits, reviewing files and finalizing battle formations that he could barely stand by nightfall.

When Amiya finally relieved him of work for the day, the Doctor felt a wave of relief wash over him that caused him to physically collapse on the floor, resting his weight on the wall nearby as soon as Amiya left. They had been utilizing a trailer as a makeshift office while the Doctor and the Rhodes Island team were away from the Rhodes Island facility, and it happened to be parked right by the beach. Huffing loudly after taking some time to gather himself, the Doctor tilted his head to peer out the window nearby.

The sky was blanketed with stars; it had to be midnight at least, but the Doctor had been cooped up inside all day thanks to his duties that he figured a walk down the beach wouldn't hurt. He found the energy to get himself to the door, the soft breeze revitalizing him as he took a lengthy breath in. When his eyes adjusted to the darkness, it didn't take long for him to notice someone was sitting near the shore nearby.

He couldn't mistake their hair or the weapon laying on the sand next to them; “Skadi?” His voice was mixed with a yawn and drew the Guard Operators’ attention away from the horizon. Her red gaze met his own, and he gave her a small smile as he took a seat on the sand beside her.

“Doctor. You shouldn't be so close to me...please be mindful of your safety.” The bounty hunter removed her hat, placing it in her lap carefully. Even after working with him and Rhodes Island for quite awhile now, Skadi was still adamant in her attempt to make sure the Doctor kept his distance from her; though, it was truly to no avail.

“There’s no one else here, Skadi. You can relax, I promise I wont bother you.” The Doctor watched the Guard Operator lower her gaze from the corner of his eye, watching how the moonlight reflected off the water and onto her face. He sighed, taking a moment to observe the horizon, “The view is nice.”

She nodded, “This beach is lovely; the gimmering stars, the salty taste of the air and the calm waves. It reminds me of my home.” Skadi looked at the Doctor, reaching a hand in his direction before carefully pulling it back before he noticed, “You look tired, Doctor. Was it a long day?”

He nodded, and the Guard Operator hummed softly, “You should rest. Your working habits trouble me sometimes.” She tucked her hair away from her face, features calm, “The song of the waves is an oh so nice lullaby, but outside is no place to sleep.” Skadi was quiet for a short while, then she untucked her legs and folded them underneath her, moving her hat aside.

“It would be best for you to return to your office and lie down.” The bounty hunter pointed out. The Doctor sighed, “I might be tired but I’d prefer your company over rest for now.” Skadi blinked, quirking a brow up slightly; the Doctor really was something else, but she was never sure if that was a good or a bad thing. He made her feel safe and at home, but it was common knowledge for Skadi that she couldn't let herself forget the troubles that chased after her every passing second.

Still, sitting with the Doctor by the water under the night sky wasn't a moment she had the heart to walk away from. She was silent, but after a few moments she sighed, catching his attention. The Doctor lifted a brow as she looked left and right before turning her gaze to the sand.

“Doctor... I heard that it's comfortable to lay your head in someone's lap.” The Guard Operator patted her lap carefully, “You may lay your head on me for now.” A soft pink rose to Skadi’s cheeks as she spoke, avoiding the Doctor’s gaze as he turned his attention to her. He blinked, “That’s okay with you Skadi?” The bounty hunter bit her lip, “Oh you, always curious. When you’re close to me like this...I can’t guarantee your safety, but if rest is what you need then I suppose I have no choice than to be your shelter.”

After taking a second to blink, the Doctor smiled softly, adjusting his position to shift his body a little closer to Skadi. After dusting the sand off his clothes, he looked at the Guard Operator one last time before speaking a simple ‘thank you’ and resting his head in her lap carefully.

It wasn't very often that Skadi allowed the Doctor to get intimate with her; while the two weren't strangers, the bounty hunter always insisted that she carried misfortunes with her that she would never want to befall the Doctor, thus prompting her to keep her distance both emotionally and physically as best she could. Even so, Skadi was only human and she had the same desires as everyone did.

The Doctor felt his eyelids flutter shut as the Guard Operator used a gentle hand to caress his cheek, “You can rest, Doctor. I will be here to defend you.” She paused, the waves reflecting in her eyes and her gaze thoughtful. Humming, the Doctor let the tension leave his body, “Thank you, Skadi…” She nodded quietly, finger stroking his cheek softly.

After a few quiet moments, Skadi sighed softly, “Doctor...oh you.” She studied his features carefully as her chest filled with warmth, “If you keep insisting on maintaining intimacy with me, I cannot say what nightmarish things might befall you….” Her voice was but a whisper, barely louder than the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, “Even if that's trouble for me, I’ll prepare myself well.”

Loving the Doctor put both of them in danger, but when Skadi had the Doctor's head rested in her lap, she didn't feel afraid. While she was almost certain he would eventually suffer on her account, she was prepared to protect him with all her might - no matter what calamities they crossed.

[focusontheeasternlightning-blog]

Relying on God, I Saw Through Satan’s Schemes

By Wang Jing, China

My daughter had no child for ten years after she got married. The people around me all looked at me with a peculiar gaze.

 My husband also often nagged, “No matter how much money I make, what use will it be? I even don’t have a grandchild to continue my family lineage.” For my vanity and face, I did all I could to seek a cure for my daughter, and took her to see doctors who had folk medicine for treating infertility, regardless of the cost. However, all my efforts were in vain. But when I was in despair, my relative preached the gospel of God’s kingdom to us.

In February of 2013, my whole family accepted God’s work of the last days. Through living the church life with brothers and sisters, praying and reading God’s words, I understood some truth. Later, I performed my duty in the church, living much happier than before. I committed my daughter’s matter into God’s hands, hoping that God would give her a baby.

In January of 2014, my daughter got pregnant. It was an enormous and joyous thing. My husband, daughter, son-in-law and I bowed before God, offering thanks and praise, “Oh God! Our whole family thank You!” We were all immersed in incomparable joy.

Our Hope Was Dashed, and We Were Extremely Grieved

One day in mid-June of 2014, my daughter was doing the cleaning, when she suddenly felt her belly ache. We hurried to send her to hospital. Later, she was delivered of twins 16 weeks premature. However, the baby girl just lived for thirty minutes and the boy about an hour. Their death was a great blow to us. During that time, we were immersed in extreme sadness and pain. I was feeble like a shriveled eggplant and lost my appetite. With my tired body, I looked after my daughter in hospital. Unwittingly, I started to complain against God in my heart. “I know it is God’s blessing that my daughter could get pregnant. But why did He take her babies away? Since we believe in God, why do we encounter this calamity? …” The more I thought about it, the more passive and pained I became. I even didn’t want to read God’s words. I was in no mood to pray, and I didn’t want to attend meetings. Every day, I was busy with worldly things and my heart strayed further and further from God. However, the more I was like this, the more distressed I became, and I felt as if I had lost something.

God’s Words Led the Way and Enlightened My Heart

Afterward, my sisters came to help and support me after knowing my situation. They fellowshiped with me, “Sister, what happened to you is Satan’s temptation. We should see clearly that this is a spiritual battle. Let’s read God’s words and then we will understand.”

God’s words say: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle.” Then a sister fellowshiped to me, “We all live under Satan’s domain, deeply corrupted by it. Now, God has again become flesh to express the truth to save us so that we may break free from the affliction of Satan and live in the light. However, Satan is unwilling to be resigned to defeat. It fears that we accept God’s work in the last days and obtain God’s salvation. So, it does its utmost to fight against God for us, using some disasters to cause us to be passive and weak and develop doubts toward God and thus to wreck our relationship with God; its purpose is for us to leave God and lose the chance of salvation. Aren’t the means by which Satan harms us insidious and malicious? It knows what we fear to lose most as well as our weakness and then use them to attack us. You wanted grandchildren most, so it made you lose them to disturb your heart. In this way, it caused you to be passive and weak, deny God, and blame God; its evil goal is to make you leave God and follow it to resist God, and end up being punished by God. However, God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes. God allows Satan’s temptation to befall us to test our faith and to see if we truly believe in Him and follow Him. This is a spiritual battle. We should stand witness for God!”

After hearing God’s words and the sister’s fellowship, I gradually understood: What I encounter is actually a spiritual battle. Satan wants to use my daughter’s miscarriage to make me passive and weak, keep away from God, deny God, and finally lose God’s salvation. At this thought, I felt Satan was too insidious. I privately made up my mind: Oh God! No matter how Satan tempts me, I must not fall for its schemes. Please save me.

Satan’s Temptation Befell Again

In April of 2016, my daughter got pregnant again. Later, she delivered a healthy and lovely boy. I offered thanks to God from my heart. However, not long after my grandson was born, he suddenly had a serious illness, and then was diagnosed with leukemia. As soon as I heard this, my tears fell out of my eyes. I felt as if my head would burst open. My whole body felt limp and weak and everything went black before my eyes. I just couldn’t accept the fact. “The doctor says that it’s uncertain whether my grandson’s disease will be cured even if we spend several hundreds of thousands of yuan on it. Will I lose a grandson again? What should I do?” Suddenly I felt as if the sky had fallen. It felt like a knife had been twisted into my heart. Even breathing was difficult. Just when I was pained and helpless, I suddenly remembered God. “God is my reliance and my support. Why don’t I rely on Him?” So, I called out to God in my heart ceaselessly, “Oh God! Now my grandson is seriously ill. I am unable to save him. I can do nothing but commit him into Your hands. Encountering this temptation, I am very weak. May You give me faith and strength so that I may obey Your sovereignty and arrangement.”

At that moment, I thought of God’s words: “The environment around us as well as the people, matters and objects, all are permitted by His throne. Do not have a complaining heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you.” “You are able to stand on the side of God when He does battle with Satan, and you do not turn back to Satan, then you will have achieved the love of God, and you will have stood firm in your testimony.” God’s words gave me faith and strength and calmed my heart gradually. “God is almighty. My grandson’s disease is in His hands. I can’t lose faith in Him.” Recalling that last time I nearly betrayed God for falling for Satan’s schemes, I made a resolution in heart: Today, regardless of how Satan interferes, I will stand firm. I must not fall for Satan’s temptation again. I can’t complain against God. This time I must stand testimony to satisfy God.

Obeying God, I Tasted God’s Grace

When I was willing to commit my grandson into God’s hands, I saw God’s wondrous deeds again. At dawn the next day, I received a call from the doctor, “Your grandson’s condition has gotten much better. I’ve been a doctor for over twenty years, yet it’s my first time encountering such a recovery. What a miracle!” When hearing this, I simply couldn’t believe it. What my grandson got was leukemia, yet he got well after being hospitalized for only six days. It was really a miracle! God is too almighty and too wondrous! I couldn’t help jumping with joy. Aside from excitement, I continuously thanked and praised God. Under God’s care and protection, my grandson recovered his health completely. Now he grows up lively, lovely, and is able to say many words, which is truly God’s grace and blessing to our family.

After experiencing this spiritual battle, I have gained a great lot. It turns out that there are God’s intentions hidden in things that seem bad. I have not only reversed my incorrect perspective of believing in God only for grace, but also really seen that God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes despite the various schemes Satan uses to destroy and interrupt our relationship with God. Through the revelation of God’s words, I saw clearly Satan’s hideous countenance, and began to forsake it and loathe it. God’s deeds are so wondrous! Thank God! All the glory be to God!

[fear-god-shun-evil]

Christian Testimonies| How God’s Words Helped Her Overcome the Temptation of Losing Her Wealth

“The factory’s out of business, it’s been closed.”

Hearing that urgency in her younger brother’s voice over the phone, Lianying felt for a moment like something had exploded in her head and then her heart leapt into her throat. How could that be possible? She hoped she had heard wrong. Half-aware, she asked: “The factory … closed? What on earth happened?”

Her brother choked out the words: “It’s been cordoned off. I was … cheated. There’s … nothing.”

“Cheated?” Lianying’s vision went blank and she nearly passed out. She gripped the phone tightly, feeling incredible anxiety. She asked her brother question after question, feeling an urgent need to understand every single thing that had happened with the factory.

The minutes ticked by and every one of her brother’s answers left her with little hope. She slowly put down the phone, leaning back on the sofa and staring blankly. She felt a burst of heart-wrenching pain that her waif-like frame could hardly withstand.

After her husband heard the news he rushed home from his job at the clinic.

“We invested over a million and that’s all gone? That’s the hard work of half of our lives! No, it can’t be! I need to go to Guangdong.” He waved his hands around and looked at the clock to see what time it was.

Lianying’s heart was racing and she was anxious to hop on a flight to Guangdong.

The next day she didn’t feel like talking to anyone. She had never imagined that her hard-earned money would just fall prey to someone’s cheating, all for nothing. She couldn’t wrap her head around it—how could a factory that had been doing such great business suddenly just becoming nothing? Could it be that they had offended someone, that someone was plotting against them or wanted to exact revenge? Thinking of all the hard work to manage the factory that ended up being closed just like that, Lianying felt like her heart had been cut open.

The winter night was so quiet and long, and the clock on the wall kept ticking along. Lianying tossed and turned in bed, seeing that it was already 3 a.m. She so hoped that this had all been a bad dream.

Lianying visibly aged quite a bit over just a few short days, and she felt really down. She didn’t understand why something so major would befall her. In her pain and despair she prayed to God: “Oh God! I’m in pain and very weak. I don’t understand what Your will is in what has befallen me. I want You to guide me. Amen!”

While pulling Lianying inside, Sister Dong said: “What happened? Why do you look so haggard? Come on, it’s cold outside. Come on in.”

Sister Dong poured a cup of hot water for Lianying. Feeling that warmth from her, Lianying poured out her heart to Sister Dong.

Sister Dong topped up Lianying’s cup with hot water and said considerately: “I understand how you feel. Anyone would be upset if something this major happened to them! The ways of the world are so dark. If we didn’t have faith we wouldn’t have a path to take. Lianying, this has already happened. Just living within this will only bring you suffering. I think you should quiet yourself, pray to God, and seek His will. Understanding the truth is what’s most important. Let’s read some fellowship.”

Lianying nodded.

Sister Dong spoke while turning on her tablet computer, then read: “Sometimes God allows Satan to do something. Some disasters are carried out by Satan, but it is what God has arranged and allowed; it is God’s maneuvering. Satan is a tool in God’s hands! Isn’t that the truth? (It is.) This was exactly the case in the example of Job’s trials. What was the root of Job being tested? (God and Satan making a bet.) God made a bet with Satan, allowing it to tempt and attack Job, and as a result when Job was just living his life, he was suddenly robbed; quite a few other things like that happened in just one day! If someone didn’t know that God and Satan had made a bet in the spiritual world, looking at it from the material world they would think: ‘Wasn’t that a calamity coming upon Job? Didn’t he suffer an attack by those robbers? How could that have anything to do with God? Most likely Job had done something to offend the robbers!’ Isn’t that what people think? (It is.) That’s what it looks like from the outside, but is this thinking wrong? It is and it isn’t, but if you think that’s all there is to it, that’s wrong. While thinking that you have to see that behind the scenes, God is ruling and arranging all things, that He orchestrates everything. God allowed the robbers to do that, otherwise who could do anything to Job? No one would be able to. You can see from this how fully you understand this issue. If you just look at the surface of it you won’t recognize that it was God’s rule and arrangement, that it was God’s action and He was bringing all things into play so they could do service to perfect Job. That means that you’ve been deluded by the superficial presentation of this, and you will never grasp the truth and essence behind it. Are there a lot of people like that? (Yes.) How many? (Almost everyone thinks that.) All of us frequently think that way, and no one is an exception. We all think of things on the most superficial level and we fail to think of what is just below the surface. … What’s the problem here? It’s not recognizing God’s rule and arrangements, being unable to grasp God’s will. That’s the root of it” (“Sermons and Fellowship About God’s Word ‘God Himself, the Unique III’ (III)” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (XIII)).

Sister Dong then shared this in fellowship: “Reading this from Sermons and Fellowship made me think of when Job first encountered a trial. Over the course of just one day, several gangs of robbers carted off all of his possessions. From the outside it seemed that it was the robbers who had taken Job’s wealth, but in fact, without God’s permission, Satan wouldn’t have been able to do anything at all to Job. It’s recorded in the Bible that Satan said: ‘Does Job fear God for nothing? Have not you made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he has on every side? you have blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land. But put forth your hand now, and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face’ (Job 1:9-11). From this we can see that God approved of Job; Satan made this accusation of Job because it was not convinced, which is why God allowed Satan to tempt Job so that he could stand witness for God in the face of Satan, perfecting Job’s true faith in God. Job believed that everything comes from God and would rather have cursed the day of his own birth than deny the name of God, and in the end he bore a beautiful, resounding witness for God. We can also see from this that the issue you’re encountering now is a battle in the spiritual realm, and if we seek God’s will from within all of this, we will be able to understand God’s kind intentions from within this trial and refinement. If we only look at the surface of things but fail to see their essence, we won’t be able to see through Satan’s trickery. We will then be likely to live within temptations and lose hold of our testimony!”

The pain in Lianying’s heart abated after hearing Sister Dong’s fellowship. She nodded and said: “So on the surface, the factory being closed down and my financial losses seemed on the outside like a trap set up by other people to fool and rip off my brother, leading to us losing the factory. But in fact, all of this had God’s permission, and what I have to do is seek God’s will! Now that I think of it, Job encountered such great trials without losing faith in God, but when I faced the closure of the factory there was no God in my heart. I became weak and negative; I became disheartened. My stature really is too small. I will no longer judge things as they appear and fall prey to Satan’s trickery. I must follow Job’s example, and no matter how much I suffer, I will stand witness for God.”

Sister Dong nodded and smiled, and the two continued talking …

After she got home Lianying looked much less anxious and her state had taken a dramatic turn for the better. She no longer felt entwined in the question of whether their wealth had suffered from others’ schemes. But after quieting her heart and then thinking of the money she had lost, over 1 million yuan, she couldn’t help but still feel anxious and upset. Before she knew it, she no longer had the heart to perform her duty.

In her pain she came before God many times in prayer and seeking: How could she actually come out from that state?

One day, while doing her devotionals Lianying read these words from God: “Something is revealed through the human disposition of the people in this world, including each and every one of you. How is this interpreted? It’s the worship of money. Is it hard to get this out of someone’s heart? It is very hard! It seems that Satan’s corruption of man is thorough indeed! So after Satan uses this trend to corrupt people, how is it manifested in them? Don’t you feel that you couldn’t survive in this world without any money, that even one day would just be impossible? (Yes.) People’s status is based on how much money they have as is their respectability. The backs of the poor are bent in shame, while the rich enjoy their high status. They stand tall and proud, speaking loudly and living arrogantly. What does this saying and trend bring to people? Don’t many people see getting money as being worth any cost? Don’t many people sacrifice their dignity and integrity in the pursuit of more money? Don’t many more people lose the opportunity to perform their duty and follow God for the sake of money? Isn’t this a loss for people? (Yes.) Isn’t Satan sinister to use this method and this saying to corrupt man to such a degree? Isn’t this a malicious trick? As you progress from objecting to this popular saying to finally accepting it as truth, your heart falls completely under Satan’s grasp, and therefore you unwittingly come to live by it” (“God Himself, the Unique V” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).

Lianying carefully pondered God’s words. She then understood that the reason she couldn’t let go of her million-yuan loss was that she saw money as too important, always feeling that in this technologically-advanced, materialistic, money-focused society, being poor couldn’t be okay, and that in their lives people should work to earn money by relying on their own ability. She thought that having money meant having everything, that it brought authority, status, and the admiration of others, that only living that way had value and meaning. She had taken satanic laws for survival such as “money above all” and “money can’t achieve everything, but without money you achieve nothing” as her own personal mottos. As a result, losing money was like losing half of her life.

With the book of God’s words in her hands, Lianying lifted her head to look out the window, deep in thought: “It’s true. The money our family earned from the clinic we opened was enough, but I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to earn even more and enjoy even more, to be flashy and have others look up to me. Every time someone called me boss or manager I was delighted, and I felt it was all worth it no matter how difficult or tiring it was. These last few years I’ve believed in God and have been performing my duty, and even though I’ve had my brother help manage the business, I’ve frequently been preoccupied with the factory, hoping we would get big orders and earn even more money. I would frequently call him to give him tips on having business talks and managing the factory. Particularly when I saw that it wasn’t doing very well, I was really racking my brains to think of how to improve things. My body has been here performing my duty, but my heart went elsewhere long ago. Now, the factory has disappeared in the blink of an eye and it feels like my heart has been yanked out. I’m always in pain and upset, as if I’ve lost my spirit. I thought that I was able to let go of such a large family business and let someone else look after it and I could perform my duty in the church to show that I was faithful to God, but now I’ve seen that my faith was just to gain blessings and benefit. On the surface I was performing my duty but I had not handed my heart over to God. I wasn’t focused on seeking the truth. As a result, my perspectives on things still haven’t changed even now; when a trial came upon me I was tortured half to death by the issue of money.”

The more she thought this over, the more Lianying’s heart brightened. She realized that money had become her very life long before, and that Satan was using fame and money to keep firm control over her, dragging her farther from God step by step. She thought of the Lord Jesus’ words: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:21). “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). “There is a sore evil which I have seen under the sun, namely, riches kept for the owners thereof to their hurt” (Ecclesiastes 5:13). She discovered that she was entirely preoccupied with her desire for money every single day and had not been performing her duty well. In her faith, she had tried to keep her feet on two boats: money, and the truth. If she continued on that way until the conclusion of God’s work, God would destroy her for having failed to gain the truth! Lianying understood that God allowing that kind of trial to come upon her was not to have her experience fleshly suffering, but was to better save her!

Lianying let out a long breath and lifted her head a bit to look out the window. The sun had come out and the snow on the ground was sparkling; she realized how beautiful winter mornings are. She then felt much more relaxed and was full of gratitude to God.

Lianying prostrated herself on the floor and prayed to God: “Oh God! Even though someone cheated us and we lost over a million yuan from the factory’s closure, I have gained understanding of Your rule through this trial as well as discernment over Satan’s trickery. God! I’ve finally understood through Your words that in my faith, if I don’t really pursue the truth and gain the truth as my life, I cannot be saved by You. No matter how much money I earned, no matter how nice my food and clothing were, I was really just a shell of a person and would only be destroyed alongside Satan in the end. Oh God! I don’t want to become a slave to money and I particularly don’t want to become its sacrificial victim. All I want is to really pursue the truth and perform my duty well to repay Your love.”

The factory had closed, but Lianying’s story wasn’t over yet …

The clinic that Lianying’s family had been running for three decades had a great reputation, but her husband fell ill. She not only needed to take care of him, but also had to manage the clinic. She was overwhelmingly busy.

While peeling an apple, Lianying mentioned to her husband: “How about we have your apprentice temporarily take care of the clinic?”

Lying in bed, he thought it over.

She handed the apple to him and followed up with: “We don’t have a better option now. Our children aren’t in the area and you need someone here taking care of you. I’ve been thinking and thinking about this and it’s the only thing to do. Once you’re well it can be handed back to you. Won’t it be all the same?”

Her husband considered it for a little while and then agreed to her idea.

Lianying drew up and signed a private agreement with the apprentice, Wu Mei, to have the management of the clinic temporarily handed over to her until Lianying’s husband had fully recovered, at which point he would resume management authority.

A year later when he had regained his health, Lianying and her husband went to see Wu Mei in preparation to return to their family clinic.

In the car on the way there as her husband was driving, dark clouds suddenly bore down and it started raining. Looking out of the window, all Lianying could see was a thick gray haze.

When the two of them arrived at the apprentice’s house, they were shocked to find …

“You own your own house and your own car. I’ve been managing the clinic for almost a year and I’ve just bought a house, but no car yet. Didn’t you used to say that you would treat me just like your own child? Since that’s the case, just let me keep running the clinic, okay? If I go somewhere else I won’t have any business, so it would be better for you to find another place. If you’re going to be a good person and help someone out, don’t do it halfway.” Wu Mei sat there on the sofa with an imperious air.

It seemed that Wu Mei had become an entirely different person in just one short year. Lianying looked at her and found it hard to believe that she could do something like that just for the sake of money. She felt helpless in the face of it, and a wave of pain welled up in her heart.

No matter what they said to her, Wu Mei had no intention of backing down.

Lianying no longer wanted to waste her breath; she could only return home and think of another plan. But when she thought of the clinic they had worked so hard to run over the last three decades and the current state of affairs, she and her husband really couldn’t swallow it. He fell ill and became bed-ridden again.

Lianying felt utterly miserable. “I really can’t wrap my head around why things have happened this way. This apprentice was at my home for seven years and I’ve always treated her like my own child. I even made arrangements for her wedding—how could she treat us this way now? Isn’t that just being a classic miscreant? This person has no feelings for others to speak of!”

Lianying was infuriated, and she went to the clinic one more time to try to reason with Wu Mei, but no matter what she said, Wu Mei would not hand the clinic back to them and had absolutely no intention of compromising.

“Don’t even think of getting the clinic back. We won’t give it to you. You’ve been doctors for many years and you could go anywhere to open a clinic—it’d all be the same.” Wu Mei’s mother-in-law was leaning against a medicine cabinet with such a cold expression that Lianying truly did feel chilled.

Wu Mei and her family all chimed in, but all that came out of their mouths were absurdities. Lianying felt very pained and was so angry she couldn’t utter a single word. Both her hands were shaking and her entire body was constantly shivering. She didn’t have an ounce of strength, and couldn’t even stay standing steadily. Seeing the clinic she had worked so hard to manage for three decades being forcibly occupied by someone else, she felt as if her insides had been ripped out, as if everything had been sucked out of her.

Crying as she walked back home, the more Lianying thought about it the angrier she became, and the more wronged she felt. She felt such a weight in her chest that she could hardly get a full breath. As soon as she thought of her husband who was so upset he had fallen ill and become bed-ridden again she felt hopeless and blamed herself for taking the initiative to hand the clinic over to the apprentice to manage. Otherwise, how could that ever have happened? She couldn’t help but cry out in her heart: “What kind of world is this?! Evildoers are in power everywhere—how could I be so unlucky?”

Dejected, Lianying sat on a bench by the side of the road. Her pain and hopelessness were so intense that she couldn’t help but cry out in her heart: “Oh God! Our factory is already gone and now the clinic has been taken over by the apprentice. Society is so unjust. Good people are always bullied and evil people are in control. Our family relies on this clinic—what will I do from here on out? Oh God! I ask You to lead and guide me on how to undergo this environment I’m facing.”

Lianying’s legs felt leaden—she didn’t know how she even walked home.

Right after she got back her family and friends all arrived. They knew the answer from the look on her face, and everyone jumped into a lively debate.

“That apprentice of yours is so inhumane; she’s not even a person.”

“How could a clinic you’ve run for three decades just be snatched away by an apprentice? Without the clinic how will you make a living?”

“Let us handle this. We’ll make things right again—we don’t think this can’t be straightened out. She and her family only dare to bully you this way because you two are just too nice.”

“Say the word and we’ll go find her. Whatever may happen will be no concern of yours.”

Hearing all these things her friends and relatives had to say, her mind was whirling: “That apprentice doesn’t care if we live or die. It looks like she’s going to behave shamelessly until the very end, so why should I have any regard for her? I’ll let them deal with it; my husband and I won’t show our faces.” For a moment Lianying felt emboldened and decided to let them resolve the issue. But then she suddenly felt uneasy and realized that as a Christian, if she acquiesced to her family getting the clinic back through drastic means, would that really be in line with God’s will? Wasn’t that using human solutions and resolving the issue through hot-bloodedness? A passage from Sermons and Fellowship then occurred to her: “When trials befall you, remember first to hurry and pray before God to grasp God’s intention and know God’s love, which is most important. You will be in trouble if you run to Satan instead. When Satan tells you some nonsense, you will be confused, and you will betray God. Therefore you need to hurry and come before God so Satan will have no opportunity to exploit. If you go to those unbelievers for consultation, then you will be done for even more. You will give Satan an opportunity to exploit. You will only blame God, and then use the methods of man to eliminate, escape from and resolve them. And you will end up with nothing” (“Only by Satisfying God’s Final Requirements Can One Be Saved” in Sermons and Fellowship On Entry Into Life (II)).

Lianying suddenly had an awakening: “Yes! On the surface of things it looks like the apprentice snatched away our family clinic, but in fact, isn’t it just like Satan tempting Job and having the robbers carry off his possessions? This is also a trial coming down on me from God, but I didn’t seek or pray, instead just trying to solve it through my own means. Isn’t that being fooled by Satan? Satan wants to sow discord in my relationship with God, to incite me to blame God, live within Satan’s snare, and lose my testimony. Not to mention the fact that everyone is really worked up right now, so if they go stir up trouble wouldn’t that just be falling prey to Satan’s scheme and being even more controlled, mocked, and toyed with by Satan?” Once she thought of all that she quickly told her friends and relatives: “It would be better if you just go back home now. I’ll get in touch after I’ve given it more thought.”

After they left, Lianying prayed to God: “Oh God! This environment I’m faced with is very difficult to submit to. When I think of having so submissively allowed someone else to take the clinic after having managed it for more than thirty years, I really don’t want to do it. God! My heart is really in torment and I want to use human means to resolve this, but I know that wouldn’t be in line with Your will. May You guide me out from this predicament.”

After she was done praying, Lianying read a passage from Sermons and Fellowship: “One thing we’ve seen from the Bible is that there’s a person named Job in it. He feared God and shunned evil, and at the time he was a perfect person. In order to test him, God made a bet with Satan which resulted in trials befalling him. Then within a single day, all of Job’s family wealth and a mountainside of livestock were all taken from him by robbers. Even his house was burned down—everything he owned was gone. At the time Job was not sinful; he was a God-fearing man, a perfect man. Everything he had was God’s blessing, was bestowed upon him by God. So what did Job have to say when this kind of trial befell him? Did he blame God? Not even a little bit. So what did he say? He said: ‘Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah’ Job did not complain. When this came upon Job, was he at fault at all? He wasn’t. Disaster suddenly struck from the heavens and all of his wealth was ruined, yet he didn’t have a word of complaint” (“How to Achieve True Self-Knowledge” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (I)). Lianying sat at her desk and gave it some serious thought. Why was it that Job was able to fear God and shun evil, that he was a perfect person in God’s eyes? When Job encountered that trial all of his wealth and his children were taken away, yet he didn’t complain, show any hot-headedness, resolve it through human means, start conflict or try to settle accounts with other people. Rather, he praised and paid tribute to God. When Job was faced with a trial he especially wasn’t deceived, roped in, or tempted by others, but he was able to calm himself down and seek the truth, in the end standing witness. He said: “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21).

When she thought of that, Lianying nodded her head and thought: “That’s true, even though trials are very painful, they are what most reveal whether people have true faith in God or not. Even though I had read about Job’s experience many times and had frequent fellowship with brothers and sisters on how Job stood witness for God, when I lost my own wealth and needed to do the same, there was no God in my heart. I didn’t come in front of God to pray, but instead was impulsive and relied on my own hot-headedness, trying to resolve it through human means. How could that kind of display shame Satan, and how could that be someone who fears God and shuns evil?”

Lianying reproached herself for being so rash. Seeing how she could not at all compare with Job when faced with a trial, she silently prayed to God and set her resolve: “Oh God! I want to be as reasonable as Job was and seek the truth in the present environment. I am willing to stand witness for You, and even if I am left with nothing in the end, I will still give thanks to You and praise Your name!”

One day, Lianying was in her living room watching a video, earnestly listening to a recitation of God’s words. “Common sense dictates that, having been given such abundant assets by God, Job should feel ashamed before God because of losing these assets, for he hadn’t looked after or taken care of them, he hadn’t held on to the assets given to him by God. Thus, when he heard that his property had been stolen, his first reaction should have been to go to the scene of the crime and take inventory of everything that had gone,[c] and then to confess to God so that he might once more receive God’s blessings. Job, however, did not do this—and he naturally had his own reasons for not doing so. In his heart, Job profoundly believed that all he possessed had been bestowed upon him by God, and had not come off the back of his own labor. Thus, he did not see these blessings as something to be capitalized upon, but took holding on to the way that he should by tooth and nail as his living principles. He cherished God’s blessings, and gave thanks for them, but he was not enamored of, nor did he seek more blessings. Such was his attitude toward property. He neither did anything for the sake of gaining blessings, nor worried about or was aggrieved by the lack or loss of God’s blessings; he neither became wildly, deliriously happy because of God’s blessings, nor ignored the way of God or forgot the grace of God because of the blessings he frequently enjoyed. Job’s attitude toward his property reveals to people his true humanity: Firstly, Job was not a greedy man, and was undemanding in his material life. Secondly, Job never worried or feared that God would take away all that he had, which was his attitude of obedience toward God in his heart; that is, he had no demands or complaints about when or whether God would take from him, and did not ask the reason why, but only sought to obey the arrangements of God. Thirdly, he never believed that his assets came from his own labors, but that they were bestowed unto him by God. This was Job’s faith in God, and is an indication of his conviction” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).

After watching this recitation of the passage of God’s words, Lianying felt suddenly enlightened. She could see from Job’s attitude toward his family wealth that he recognized God’s rule and knew that everything he had was given to him by God, and that God taking it away at any time was God’s own affair; whatever God did would be right. Whether He allows someone to be blessed, to suffer calamity or pain, they must accept and submit to it because people are nothing more than miniscule beings of creation who are not qualified to complain to God or demand anything of Him. They are particularly not qualified to make assessments of God’s deeds. Lianying saw that she still didn’t possess the rationality of Job, always thinking that it was she who had earned her family’s fortune, that it was because of her skill and capability. That was why it was so painful for her when she lost it, and she even fell into Satan’s snare, complaining to God and nearly losing her testimony.

Lianying’s eyes moistened with tears. She saw that in Job’s faith and his path following God, what he focused on was how to follow God’s way, how to stand witness for God and glorify Him. That is why he was able to calm himself, pray, and seek God’s will when such a great trial befell him, and why in his heart he only thought of how to satisfy God, the Lord of creation. Job bore a resounding witness before Satan and all of mankind. His faith, obedience, and reverence for God defeated Satan, shaming the devil, and in the end was praised by the Lord of creation.

Job’s testimony was incredibly moving for Lianying. It was then that she finally understood God’s will, that God allowing that kind of trial to come upon her was to have her recognize God’s rule and perfect her true faith in God so that she would be able to have true obedience and reverence for God through trials and refinement. If she just praised God when everything was smooth sailing but in trials and adversity denied Him and complained to Him, how could that count as someone with true faith?

Another passage of God’s words then came to mind, and she hurriedly grabbed her book of God’s words from the coffee table, opening it up to: “Man’s life originates from God, the existence of the heaven is because of God, and the existence of the earth stems from the power of God’s life. No object possessed of vitality can transcend the sovereignty of God, and no thing with vigor can break away from the ambit of God’s authority” (“Only Christ of the Last Days Can Give Man the Way of Eternal Life” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Lianying understood that the heavens and earth and all things originate from God, so wasn’t everything they had also bestowed by God? She and her husband were just average people who weren’t highly educated. If it hadn’t been for God’s care and protection, how would they have been able to start with nothing, then open a clinic, and then open a factory? Wasn’t all of that due to God’s rule and arrangements? When Satan made its accusation it was God allowing Satan to have a temptation befall her. Someone schemed against the factory and it was closed, and the clinic was taken over by a trusted apprentice. She had once again become someone who owned nothing. All of that contained temptations from Satan, but more than that, it was God perfecting her! All worldly possessions are things we do not bring with us from birth, and things we cannot take with us through death. But in this worldly life of hers, she was fortunate to have heard God’s voice and experienced the leadership and cleansing of God’s words. That is what is most precious! Lianying then thought of Job understanding God’s will when trials befell him, that he stood witness for God and was fortunate enough to see God’s back. At that time a trial had come upon her and she should also submit to God’s rule just as Job had, standing witness for God and be capable of developing true understanding of God within that environment. Even though submitting meant accepting a great deal of suffering and possibly facing financial difficulties, mockery from others, and the distancing of friends and family after losing her wealth, she knew that it was God’s blessing coming upon her and that He was giving her a chance to stand witness for Him. No matter how much she suffered or how many tears she shed, she was willing to follow Job’s example and stand on God’s side. Just then a passage of God’s words rose to the surface of Lianying’s mind: “Each time they put the truth into practice, each time they undergo refinement, each time they are tried, and each time God’s work comes upon them, people endure extreme pain. All of this is a test for people, and so within all of them there is a battle. This is the actual price that they pay. … If, on the road to loving God, you are able to stand on the side of God when He does battle with Satan, and you do not turn back to Satan, then you will have achieved the love of God, and you will have stood firm in your testimony” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).

Having understood God’s will, Lianying felt like an entirely new person in body and spirit.

Early in the morning when the air was fresh, a patch of rosy clouds appeared in the east just as Lianying was in her room listening to hymns of God’s words through earphones. Her husband was by her side doing his exercises.

“Mom, Dad. I’m home.”

“Tingting.” Seeing that her second daughter had come home, Lianying stood up in excitement.

After they finished eating Tingting went to put her clothes away; Lianying went over to help her.

“Mom, I know all these things that have happened in our family have been really hard on you and Dad, but as they say, it’s a ‘blessing in disguise.’ We’ll get through this together—maybe this cloud has a silver lining! Mom, I’ve given it thought and I’m back because I want to join you in your faith. I don’t plan to leave again. I know that you want to perform your duty and Dad isn’t in good health. I’ll stay and take care of him. I’m grown up now, so I’ll take care of everything at home.”

Hearing what her daughter had to say, tears formed in Lianying’s eyes. She was incredibly moved and she knew that this was God opening up a way forward for her, that it was His grace. She praised God’s love in her heart.

In the days that followed, her daughter attended gatherings while also running an online business. Her business did so well that she was earning 20 to 30 thousand yuan every month, completely resolving the issues of their son attending school, her husband’s medical fees, and their home expenses. And without the entanglements of the factory and the clinic, Lianying felt much more relaxed and had more time and energy for gatherings and performing her duty. Lianying couldn’t help but offer up a prayer to God: “Oh God! You know the needs of my life; You set up that environment to test and refine me so that I could enter into the reality of the truth. But I didn’t understand Your will and even complained and misunderstood You. When I was suffering most, was at my weakest, and could not withstand it, You stayed silently at my side supporting me, helping me, and protecting me without a word. This gave rise to all sorts of people, things, and events appearing to help me resolve my problems and relieve my anxieties. This has made me see Your love and blessings for me. Oh God! I am so in Your debt. I am willing to perform my duty well to comfort Your heart.”

Every time Lianying thinks back on that experience, she has a feeling of warmth and that God being concerned for her is a very happy thing. Although she suffered a bit through her trials and refinement, shed many tears, and was very sad, after undergoing all of that Lianying came to understand God’s kind intentions. She became willing to perform her duty well and pursue the truth from then on so that she could repay the grace of salvation given to her by God.

From the factory’s closing until today, Lianying has gained so much …

[iheartallah]

Salam, Idk if you might understand me but I have this little things running throw my mind telling me I should give up in life & just die. I hate feeling like this but I'm always thinking like My Dua will never be accepted, I'm not good enough, what's the point of all this, & I'm always thinking maybe I should go back to my old ways. I feel like since I repented I'm Having so many problems in my life & people think of me as good person who changed so much, but they don't know I struggle so much.

Alikum Salam

I will try my best to answer yourquestion by referring to the Qur’an and Hadith

Wanting to give up in life and die

“And never give up hope of Allah’sMercy. Certainly, no one despairs of Allah’s Mercy, except the people whodisbelieve.” (12:87)

“Do not give up and do not bedownhearted. You shall be uppermost if you are believers” (3:139)

The Prophet ﷺsaid: “No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes, forwhen one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end and for the believer a longlife will not increase him in anything but good.” (Muslim)

A version narrated by al-Bukhaarisays: “No one of you should wish for death. Either he is a doer of good andwill do more, or he is a doer of evil but perhaps he may stop.”

Al-Nawawi said: This hadeeth clearlyindicates that it is makrooh to wish for death because of some harm that hasbefallen one, such as loss or distress caused by an enemy, or other suchhardships of this world. But if a person fears harm or fitnah with regard tohis religious commitment, it is not makrooh to wish for death, according tothis hadeeth, and several of the salaf did that.

The Prophet ﷺsaid: “The best of people is the one who lives long and does good.” (Ahmad)

Acceptance of Dua

And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then(answer them), I am indeed near (to them). I respond to the invocations of thesupplicant when he calls on Me. So let them respond to Me (by obedience) andbelieve in Me that they may be (rightly) guided. (2:186)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Nothing canchange the Divine decree except Dua.” (Ahmad)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Du’aa’ may beof benefit with regard to what has already happened or what has not yethappened, so adhere to Du’aa’, O slaves of Allaah.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “No precautioncan protect against the decree of Allaah. Du’aa’ is beneficial with regard towhat has been decreed and what has not been decreed. The du’aa’ meets thecalamity that has been decreed and wrestles with it, until the Day ofResurrection.” (al-Tabaraani)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Ask, and you shall be given it; and you shall begiven it.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Let everyone of you ask of His Lord all that Hewants.” (Tirmidhi)

We were informed by our Prophet ﷺ that Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) fulfillseverybody’s wishes so long as a person does not get impatient and say, ‘I askedAllah for so and so and I still haven’t received it’. We are told never todespair of the mercy of Allah (subhan wa ta’ala).The Prophet ﷺinformed us that there are several forms for the acceptance of dua. One is that you are given what you askfor. Another is that you are given better than whatyou asked for. A third is that some calamity that was aboutto befall you has been averted instead. The fourth is that the dua is saved up for you assawaab/reward for the Day of Judgment. In all cases, asking Allah (subhana wata'ala) for things is beneficial. 

Feeling like you are not good enough

He created the heavens and earth intruth and formed you and perfected your forms; and to Him is the (final)destination (64:3)

Indeed, We have created the humanbeing upon the best of forms (95:4)

Allah SWT has created each one of usunique; you will find no two people in the world with the exact samepersonality, physical appearance, strengths, weaknesses, interests, etc. Theway Allah SWT has created you and moulded your personality is for areason – he has made you this way because he wants you to achieve your fullpotential and use your abilities for a bigger cause – do not lose heart if thesituation looks difficult right now – keep striving and doing your best and,most importantly, keep asking Allah SWT to see you through this difficult timeand be by your side – if you have His help, there is no difficult you cannotovercome. Again, remember He has created you the way you are for a reason –Allah SWT makes no mistakes with His creations – you are good enough –you are exactly the way He intended you to be – you only have to work hard tomove from strength to strength now.

What’s the point of all this?

(He) who created death and life totest you (as to) which of you is best in deed (67:2)

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me (51:56)

Going back to old ways,

Do people think that they will be leftalone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested. And We indeedtested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make (it) known(the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (thefalsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all that before puttingthem to test)” – (29:2-3)

“And certainly, We shall test you withsomething of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give gladtidings to As-Saabiroon (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say:‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’ They are thoseon whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from theirLord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are theguided ones” (2:155-157)

And We have certainly revealed to youverses (which are) clear proofs, and no one would deny them except thedefiantly disobedient. (2:99)

The Prophet ﷺ said: “No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allaah will expiate for some of his sins because of that.” (Bukhari)

Facing struggles after having repented

The Prophet ﷺsaid: “If Allah wills good for His slave, He hastens his punishment in thisworld, and if He wills bad for His slave, He withholds from him (the punishmentfor) his sin, until He requites him for it on the Day of Resurrection.”(at-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ“If a certain status has previously been decreed by Allaah for a person, and hedoes not attain it by his deeds, Allaah afflicts him in his body or wealth orchildren.” (Abu Dawood)

The Prophet ﷺsaid: “Great reward comes with great trials. When Allah loves a people, Hetests them, and whoever accepts it attains His pleasure, whereas whoever showsdiscontent with it incurs His wrath.” (at-Tirmidhi)

Narrated by Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqaas (رضي الله عنه)who said: I said: O Messenger of Allah ﷺ,who among the people are most sorely tested? He ﷺsaid: “The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be testedaccording to his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment issolid, his test will be more severe, but if there is any weakness in hisreligious commitment, he will be tested according to his level of religiouscommitment. And calamity will continue to befall a person until he walks on theearth with no sin on him.” (at-Tirmidhi)

Al-Hasan al-Basri (رضي الله عنه) said: “Do not resentthe calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in somethingthat you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that youprefer will be your doom.”

Al-Fadl ibn Sahl (رضي الله عنه) said: “There is a blessingin calamity that the wise man should not ignore, for it erases sins, gives onethe opportunity to attain the reward for patience, dispels negligence, remindsone of blessings at the time of health, calls one to repent and encourages oneto give charity.

Finally a word of advice from me: itis very common that, once someone finds their way back to the deen and tries topractice it earnestly, they are faced with hardship. Do not fear thesehardships as they are from Allah SWT and may be intended to either purify youfrom your previous sins, help you learn an important lesson and come out of thedifficult situation a more mature and improved individual or to test whetheryou can withstand challenges you face in life and, having gone through them,still maintain your level of iman in Allah SWT and keep trusting Him to takethe best decision for you. 

Take this difficult time in life as a challenge youwill get through and form an intention that, once this difficulty is over, youwould have come out of it a much stronger individual and a much better Muslimin’Sha’Allah. Remember, every night ends and every difficult situation is eventually taken care of by Allah SWT. You will soon witness good times in’Sha’Allah. 

And, behold, with every hardship comes ease (94:5) 

Read all the above mentioned Quranic verses and Hadithsremembering that each of them are intended specifically for you and are amessage to you from Allah SWT to help you through this difficult time. Wheneveryou are faced with negative thoughts, try to remember the above and find hope –I know it is easier said than done but we must strive in Allah’s path and neverdoubt his decisions and power even for a second. You are strong enough to face this hardship and you will not go back to your old ways - You are strong enough for this! As Allah SWT has stated in the Quran:

Allah does not burden a soul beyondthat it can bear(…) (2:286)

Takecare :) 

[annoyedbythevoid-blog]

Suffering

 Rolling the Dice of Theodicy

                 There are three stages to a human life: birth, the middle, and death. What happens in the middle is an accumulation of choices, reactions, and their consequences. Life is in a constant flux; moving eternally in a serpentine manner that continues with or without your acknowledgment. One can surrender to the unknowing force that propels us forward or be crushed by the weight. We are creatures who are sentient enough to recognize the chaos and the absurdity, because of this, Suffering is inevitable. However, Suffering is necessary and perhaps the greatest teacher if a person wishes to grow and learn about themselves and the world that is before them. One simply needs to be receptive and listen.  

               Our first breath begins with a cry. It is the lament of new terror and our first overwhelming burden of being alive outside the safe womb of mother. Suffering is synonymous with the Earth’s own cycles. Just as seasons come and go, and the oceans break and retreat, as does our Suffering. It itself is a law of nature for human beings. Just as the Earth cannot fight the repeated cycle to heal and balance itself, the same must be applied for us. Every person will wear many Winters in their heart throughout their lifetime. “When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.” (Frankl 78) It truly is man’s destiny to suffer; just as we are meant to face our own death. Each of us will suffer in his or her unique way, and it is our choice to establish meaning to what befalls upon us.  A person must attempt to cultivate a perspective that is suited for their suffering. Frankl explains that humor and hope were the soul’s weapons during the Holocaust. (42) Hope in itself is a product of suffering. If there was no suffering, there would be no reason to give Hope a name. Each individual defines Hope in a different way, however one unifying relation is that Hope is birthed when Suffering is present. Through Suffering, we must ask ourselves what the driving force to exist is, and why we have kept going so far in the first place. As we consider these formidable questions, a deeper sense of purpose or self can begin to mature; a sort of inner submission and complacency that was not present before.

Suffering is the foundation of personal and emotional growth and allows the individual to truly embrace themselves and their responses to the weight of simply living. However, this is a choice that each person must bear. In our modern world, many people collapse from carrying the luggage of life. There are shortcuts and distractions that give the option to ‘evade’ suffering. These can include substance abuse, pharmaceuticals, sex, shopping, eating disorders, television, etc. I will not deny that some individuals with illnesses truly need to be medicated, however, our society is conditioned to advocate shutting down those receptors that allow us to embrace our pain fully. If a person is depressed, anxious, or even suicidal some of the first options that are thrown into their lives are medications, when what is truly necessary is that they have a source that allows them to focus on understanding what the core of their pain is trying to tell them. (Unfortunately, this is also a societal issue. Not everyone has access to true help.)  Suffering disguises itself as an internal demon, one that keeps any logic and sanity tucked away into a corner. However, beneath this illusion is a teacher. Just as biblical angels are much too overwhelming and illuminate for man to fully perceive, they say, “Fear not.” That is what our suffering says to us. Fear not, for there is an admonition of counsel beyond all of those unconscious and unresolved layers.  

               To accept our suffering means submitting the self to the great mystery. Since suffering is just as part of life as anything else, so is our choice to affirm our actions to live and understand it. “…For ultimately, man should not ask himself, ‘What is the meaning of my life?’ but should instead, realize that it is not up to him to question—it is he who is questioned, questioned by life; it is he who has to answer by answering for life. To respond and be responsible” (Frankl 107) A person will walk away empty handed if they are merely trying to extract some sort of answer from life’s big questions. Suffering and Meaning are abstract concepts; ones that shapeshift as we do.  We are responsible in how we interact with Life and the tribulations that are tossed at us. However, this involves the slow trek against the current. A person must allow themselves to be carried through, except on Life’s watch rather their own. If life included no suffering, there would be no reason for autonomous choice. By choosing our reactions to adversaries, we are literally creating ourselves.

               Suffering balances moments of beauty and completes the circle of life. It is our responsibility to assign meaning behind every juncture and epoch. “Thus we see that life’s meaning includes even the meaning of suffering and of death. We have not only the potentiality of giving meaning to our lives by creative acts and by the experience of nature and culture through the experience of love; we have not only the possibility of making life meaningful by creating and loving, but also by suffering: by the way and manner in which we face our fate.” (Frankl 45) Viktor Frankl believed that our attitude towards life was fundamentally important. This could be our contemplation for events and internal sorrows or man using his will to shape his own fate by action. It is a tiresome yet necessary task since life perpetually throws out its tasks to each individual. As a person performs these tasks of life one creates room for expanse and each time grows minutely stronger. This process is a slow and gradual one, however, it is only through unpredictable storms that a captain can truly develop his seaworthiness and talent as a navigator.

               The subject is difficult to helm specifically because of how deeply intimate each person is with their own Suffering. It is a specific art for every person, one that grows more poignant over time and one that should not be diminished or explained as if it were a hard science. Suffering is a spiritual fasting for the self. Since we create our own realities, it’s not an easy task to pin point any concrete benefit for it, except for what we individually elect. The simple foundation is that if any meaning can be found in Suffering it only presents itself if one allows it. The world goes on without you.  It is our autonomous choice to see beyond bad things merely happening to “good” people and realize that there is no such thing as luck, but what our responses to misfortunes are. The Holocaust is an essential example of Suffering because it was the prime image of the evil that human beings were capable of enduring. It almost seems illusory to even imagine justifying such Suffering with some sort of meaning. How can you if you were not there living through it without projecting your own idea of what occurred and how it was dealt with? However, there were survivors, and even though they were forced to live with their own brutal recollections of darkness, perhaps they lived at the very least to understand that calamity can only be justified when a person vindicates it for themselves. When a person suffers, the mind goes into an incubation period and a foreign seed is planted. The seed acts almost like a divine intellect and gradually a person “lives the answers” that they seek. Suddenly a person looks back upon the catalogue of memory and realizes that they lived and learned and because of this each of us is their own teacher.

               In response to being weary of projecting our own hypothesis on other people who endure their own individual suffering, we can instead synchronize our intrinsic suffering to help coax or relate to someone else who might need another perspective at least in the hopes of not feeling isolated. I cannot relate to the survivors of the holocaust by any means, however, I am more equipped to empathize through my Suffering. If human beings lived without Suffering, there would be no reason for empathy. Without empathy, our very momentum for living would be diminished—we are designed to crave connection with one another. Suffering is a universal truth that we share whether one chooses to face it or not, through our unique truths we can reach an apex in true conversation and meaningful connection. Each of us can teach our own version of the trails that were faced and relay them to another. This other human uses their own memory of their Suffering and the process of relation harmonizes. We cannot truly have anybody understand our solitary truth, however, we can aid in helping somebody else realize their own.

               The Garden of Eden is a sham, for this specific world leaves no room to grow and develop our true abilities as humans. If only pleasure and happiness can be attained, then they become the epitome of stagnation. Praise should be given to Eve for consuming the forbidden fruit. The forbidden fruit was “sin” disguised as virtue and a potentiality of wisdom that held a form of verity that man would not have been able to understand otherwise. It was the fall of paradise because even in their pleasure and happiness they were unfulfilled, lacking the final piece in making the complete, mortal circle. Adam and Eve craved the sugary truth before they even knew how to name it. Human beings can be liberated by their suffering because it is the death of an ego and the reminder of one’s own mortality. Without this perpetual resistance, we would be aimless; driven by a carnal desire and instinct, existing without truly living. Fear not. It never gets easier; you just get stronger.