#it’s almost two in the morning which means my brain is making connections that are probably really obvious to a rested mind

[the-acer-scientist]

something about ostensibly nonhuman characters that get really intense humanization arcs is so fundamentally important to me. especially how they express their humanity. spoilers ahead for Wolf 359 episode 41: Memoria and Malevolent episode 20: The King

Hera. An AI, who ostensibly is driven entirely by ones and zeros and whose personality is supposed to be preordained and unflappable. Has not only an anxiety/panic attack, but learns, with help, that it’s her “own” self-doubt that holds her back, and she learns how to grow with and out of it.

John Doe. A piece of a malevolent eldritch god who kills for fun and cannot fathom the idea of interacting with mortals he cannot use to his advantage, who learns, with help, that sometimes mortals are worth spending time with, that not everyone is expendable, and even learns to care without expecting anything back. Who learns how to depend on mortals, even. To trust, and maybe even to (platonically) love.

neither of them have a corporeal form, but hera’s anxiety manifests as a glitch and the ship itself falling apart, and John has to request that Arthur repeat his last words to Lily. despite their circumstances, they make do to experience the human emotions they’re experiencing.

and I’m specifically going to reference the line “Is it an odd feeling? My tears?” because yes, a good chunk of Arthur’s grief over Lily is because he sees her as an extension of Faroe (helpless being he feels responsible for that he ‘failed’- see his mistranslation of John’s very last words to Lily which I will DIE mad about because damn you Arthur he’s been your eyes faithfully for this long be his voice this ONCE), but for the voice inside his head to be so overcome with emotion that John himself is able to cry with tear ducts that he does not have- the shared experience between Arthur and John of mourning and literally sharing each others grief because there’s only one set of eyes to cry from-

[gublernatural]

!smut, mdni!

thinking about spencer reid who has had a crush on the pretty BAU agent at the desk across from him ever since she started. she has been so swamped with work and paperwork and life recently and spencer notices the small changes in her behaviors because he notices every little thing about her. he sees the tighter grip she holds on her pens, making the ink bleed through the paper just slightly. he notices the way she starts to slam her coffee cup on the desk as opposed to gently sitting it down. he notices the heavy uptick of the amount of cups she’s having.

and it’s worse when they’re given a case. naturally, since they get along so well and since they’re probably the two smartest people in the world, hotch pairs spencer and his crush up throughout their time in phoenix, arizona. spencer sees the way she’s always cracking her knuckles and rubbing at the small of her back. he hear the tone in which she talks to the officers.

so, when they’ve finally caught their unsub just 6 days later, spencer makes sure to pick up her case files before she can even make it from her hotel room. he tucks them neatly under him as he sits down on the jet, carefully hiding them from her. he holds them hostage, knowing if she doesn’t see them, she won’t worry about them. out of sight, out of mind, as they say. she falls asleep quickly in the seat across from spencer. he can’t help but ogle at her beautiful sleeping form, knowing she really needs the rest.

and, once they returned to the musty bullpen that belongs to the BAU, spencer stays with her. he watches as she starts the paperwork he’d sneakily put on her desk, not letting her catch on to the fact that he’d taken it. he tries his best to focus on his own work, but the way she keeps groaning as she rolls her head back has him completely distracted. he’s barely three pages in when hotch emerges from his office, bidding both of them a goodbye and complimenting their work on the case

that just leaves spencer and the pretty agent across from him in the space.

time moves slower now, spencer thinks, which makes it even more agonizing to listen to her try to work out her over-exhausted muscles by herself. he can’t help himself as he breaks the comfortable silence that had been established.

“hey, y/n,” he inquires, knowing she probably doesn’t want to be disturbed right now. his suspicions prove to be true when she doesn’t look up, letting out a less than enthusiastic “hm?”.

“do you know the benefits of getting a massage?” this piques her interest, wondering where spencer was going to take this. sure, the recent stress in her life had her muscles aching at every hour of the day, but she didn’t think anyone had picked up on it. “i know the basics, spence.” she giggles, finally looking over at him.

he can’t dwell on the fact that this is the first time she’s smiled in about two weeks because his brain starts moving too fast for his mouth to keep up, “yeah, most people know they helps with muscle aches but they actually have a lot of benefits. massages help improve circulation and joint mobility. there’s also research that connects them to cosmetic effects, like improved and more even skin tones.”

he doesn’t expect her to still be paying attention to him, but he’s pleasantly surprised at the small smile spreading across her face. “hm, that sounds amazing. if only i wasn’t trapped here doing paperwork at almost three in the morning.” she answers sarcastically, turning back to her work. “i could give you a massage.” spencer stumbles out.

her cheeks start to heat up as she makes eye contact with him, wondering where he would take this. “i mean,” he backtracks, “i’ve read books on how to do shoulder and back massages. my eidetic memory means i could probably do an almost perfect one, if you’re interested. i’ve noticed the way you’ve been struggling with muscle aches.”

her face feels like it’s on fire with the way he’s making her blush. “um, sure, spencer, if you don’t mind.” she stutters and stumbles as she tries to accept his offer. he excitedly pushes himself of his hair, pulling up a closer one behind her.

his large hands start to knead at the knots at the base of her neck. he can feel the tension she’s built up over the past couple of weeks and tries to recall the techniques he’d read about so long ago.

this quickly becomes a challenging feat, as he moves his hands along the expanse of her back. she lets out light moans when he massages a particularly tight part of her muscle. the moans and grunts she’s making are going right to spencer’s cock. he’s so glad he’s behind her, because the tent in his pants continues to grow as he reaches the base of her back, where most of her pain had been.

her light moans have now increased in volume, and spencer is sure he should stop. he was not expecting to have this reaction from her, or react this way to her. his mind is cloudy and beginning to fill with filthy images that match the sounds she’s making now.

and god, he should stop. he knows he should pull his hands away from her, especially as he feels his stomach tighten and his dick throb in his pants. but he can’t. he needs to reach his release so bad, so he presses his fingers harder into her back, listening to the joyful sounds she’s letting out.

he doesn’t pull his hands away until he finally cums in his pants, too embarrassed to keep going. “thank you, spence. i feel a lot better. a lot less tense now.” she thanks him as he turns away from her, pushing in the chair he’d pulled over. he makes a few exclamations, saying it was no problem at all, before dashing off to the bathroom to try and get himself cleaned up.

[ifortom]

WINTER AHEAD (1/2) T.H.

Summary: An unexpected pregnancy at 21 completely changes the lives of two young people. Over time, their paths diverge, and their hearts bear the pain of separation. Yet, the life born from their love keeps them unbreakably connected, showing that some bonds transcend time and differences. Also, it’s Christmas time!

A/N: I wrote this suddenly and couldn’t stop, but it will be divided into two parts because it took a different turn than I expected. Oh, and I know Christmas is already over, but my brain only started working after the festivities ended. I brought up some topics in this text that might be sensitive and cause some discomfort, but in the next chapter, some things will be explained.

The sound of the door opening, along with soft footsteps on the carpet, woke you up on yet another winter morning. Shortly after, you could feel the new weight on the blanket covering you, preventing the cold from reaching you.

"Mummy, are you awake?" The sleepy, drowsy voice reached your ears, and small fingers gently touched your face.

Delicate fingers gently trace imaginary lines on your face, attempting to wake you up.

"Mummy, come on. Daddy will be here soon."

It’s possible to detect the faint hint of desperation beginning to emerge in the little one's voice, as he spares no tactic to wake you up.

Stretching your arms without opening your eyes, you wrap Ethan in the blanket, eliciting a loud laugh from him.

"Oh no, help!" he shouts amid his laughter.

"This is an attack from the blanket monster!" you say, deepening your voice as you join in the game Ethan invented a few years ago.

As he tries to escape from the blanket you’ve wrapped him in, you attack with tickles, making him squirm uncontrollably on the bed.

"Mummy, please!" he says, laughing.

"Mummy? There’s no Mummy here, only the blanket monster."

"But I need my mum."

"Then do you surrender?"

"Yes, yes, please!" he says, and you release him, throwing your own body onto the bed and closing your eyes. When you feel Ethan stretch out over you, you open your eyes and smile at him.

"Oh, good morning, E."

"Good morning, Mummy! I was attacked by the blanket monster."

"Really? And did you defeat him?"

"Hm, not this time."

"Ah, that's okay. I bet the blanket monster had all his meals today, that's why he was so strong this time," you say, sitting up and pulling his little body close to yours. Ethan sits on your lap, his legs wrapped around your waist and his head resting on your chest as you lean back against the headboard of the bed.

Your hand gently pats his back, soothing him even more. No matter how much he grows, his mother's lap will always be his favourite place.

You bring your face closer to the top of his head and inhale the scent of baby shampoo coming from his soft hair.

Ethan may be just a few months away from turning 6 and becoming more independent in his routine, but to you, little E will always be the baby who cried loudly the first time you held him in your arms at 21.

From the moment you discovered you were pregnant, you knew life would never be the same, but the feeling of holding a newborn in your arms just minutes after he took his first breath of air was almost like a cold shower.

Since that moment, life took a new direction. There was no longer just Y/N. Now it would be Y/N and Ethan.

And Tom.

And as always, life spins in unexpected ways, and suddenly everything changes. Some things no longer seem to be enough.

After a few minutes in the same position, Ethan starts to move, and you release him to look at him.

"Can we have hot chocolate today?" he asks.

"Wasn't that our breakfast yesterday?"

"I know, but..." He turns his face, staring at the window. "I'm going to miss it."

He doesn't specify, but you understand what he means. It's the weekend, which means Ethan will spend the next few days away from home. Your home.

"I'm sure Daddy can make hot chocolate for you if you ask him."

"He makes it, but it's not like yours," he says, pouting.

"Ah, boy, stop trying to convince me with that face, you know it just makes me want to squeeze you!" you say, excited, wrapping him in your arms and hugging him tightly, covering his cheeks with kisses. "Go put on a sweater and let's have our breakfast, okay? Daddy will be here soon."

He nods and wriggles out of your arms, jumping off the bed and running toward his room. You get up and head to the bathroom, tying your hair back and washing your face to shake off the sleepiness.

When you reach the kitchen of the small apartment, Ethan is already trying to climb onto one of the stools at the counter—a thing you've already scolded him for trying to do on his own.

"What have I told you about asking for help?" you ask, approaching him and helping him sit on the stool.

"Sorry," he mumbles, then starts watching your movements as you gather the ingredients needed.

"Are you excited?" you ask, distracted.

"I am! Daddy said we're going to see the snow and the big Christmas tree. And then we're going to see Grandpa and Grandma."

This is a tradition of Ethan's that has been kept since his first Christmas, even though he was too young to understand. The photo on the wall serves as a constant reminder. Every Christmas, you would take him to the city center, where the Christmas tree was set up and the decorations lit up everything around.

However, the tradition of strolling through the city center during the festive season began long before Ethan ever thought about being born.

At 16, Tom took you for the first time to see the Christmas lights. According to him, it was just a walk among friends, but both of you knew that day meant so much more than that. After all, it was the day of your first kiss.

"This isn't a date," he said, intertwining his fingers with yours.

"Tom, I believe what we're doing qualifies as a date," you laugh.

"No, you deserve something better and bigger. You can consider this a date, fine, but we'll do more things and I'll take you to other places. I promise. A more exclusive place, too! There are too many people here," he says, looking around, and you laugh, pulling him closer and wrapping one of your arms that wasn't holding his around his neck.

"Any place with you is exclusive."

It’s been two years since you and Tom decided to go separate ways. For some reason, the relationship began to fade. It wasn’t for lack of love or affection for each other. But the heavy workload and raising a baby while still so young interfered with the future you had envisioned at 20, before Ethan became a matter that needed to be discussed.

Ethan was never considered a burden by either of you, but everything had to be reconsidered the moment you held the positive pregnancy test in your hands. Studies had to be put on hold for a while, and Tom had to find a full-time job that paid more than the part-time one he had at the time. In addition, he still needed to make time for his college studies. You also helped as much as you could during the pregnancy, taking online design courses that provided you with some work during that time.

Your parents were shocked, as were his, but they never denied their help. They were the support both of you needed in those first years. They helped with the payment of the first rent for the small apartment you found, and Tom made sure to pay them back as soon as he was able.

But their shock was even greater when they received the news that you and Tom were separating, instead of the engagement they had hoped would happen. Your mother, who had been so in love with Tom back then, cursed him with every name possible for neglecting the family he was starting to build. She demanded that he take responsibility for the consequences of his actions.

As you cried from the pain reflected in her words, you explained that it was a mutual decision. There was nothing more to be done. Tom also made it clear that he wasn’t abandoning anyone, he was just going to move out, and you two would no longer be a couple. But Ethan would remain the main reason for your relationship after the breakup.

He kept his promise and never let anything be lacking for his son. He is present and raises Ethan as a father should. But Ethan is still a child, one who learns everything with increasing ease. This means he has already questioned why mommy and daddy don’t live together.

Despite him enjoying having two different homes.

After Ethan finishes breakfast, he asks for permission to watch a cartoon on the living room TV, and you take the opportunity to change clothes and freshen up. Then, you go to Ethan's room, select his outfit for going out, and check the bag he packed the night before. Although he has his own things at his father's house, Ethan still spends most of his time with you, so there are always more things at your place. You add a few jumpers and socks to his backpack and call him to change clothes.

"Let me smell your breath," you say after helping him put on his socks. Ethan opens his mouth, and you bring your face closer to his. "Oh my god!" you exaggerate, acting shocked. "What on earth do you have living in that mouth?" Ethan laughs. "Go brush your teeth now, young man."

He quickly gets up, runs to the bathroom, adjusts the little stool so he can reach the sink, and closes the door. Privacy. The doorbell rings, and Ethan lets out a little squeal.

"It's Daddy!" he says, opening the bathroom door, his mouth covered in toothpaste.

"Hey, finish brushing your teeth, little monster. I'll open the door." He nods and returns to the task, doing it even faster, eager to see his dad.

You take a deep breath and walk toward the door, already knowing what you'll find when you open it. Tom hasn't changed much. Despite the marks on his face being more visible, he still carries the same boyish expression. The same one you once fell hopelessly in love with.

"Hey, I know I arrived a bit too early, but everyone’s excited to see him," he says, one hand going behind his head, scratching his neck. He’s wearing a heavy coat, which shows just how cold it is outside the apartment and building.

"Hi, no problem. You know he's also dying of anticipation," you laugh awkwardly. "Come on in, he's just finishing getting ready."

Tom steps through the door, and nostalgia hits him hard. When he moved out, he thought you’d probably look for another place too—maybe somewhere a little bigger, with three bedrooms and an office so you could work from home. At least, that’s what you both had planned while you were still together. He knows he wouldn’t have been able to stay in a place filled with so many memories if it had been you moving out instead of him.

He notices some changes in the place—the photos that used to feature three people have been taken down from the walls and shelves. Most of them now only show Ethan, with just a few including you. He spots one photo, though, showing your family and his, probably from Ethan's birthday.

This isn’t the first time he’s been inside your home since the breakup. He’s picked up and dropped off Ethan numerous times, including a few occasions when Ethan had a stomach ache and wanted to sleep in your bed. But he had never taken the time to look around. The strange, awkward air between you both always prevented him from examining how you chose to change things after he left.

But he seized the opportunity when you turned your back after saying you’d quickly check something in the laundry area. Unsure of what to do, Tom sat down on the sofa, while you hid near the washing machine, taking deep breaths to prevent the tears from escaping without permission.

No matter how much time passes, Tom holds a piece of your heart that you still haven’t been able to fill. Not with anyone else, nor with yourself. When everything ended, you truly believed that having Ethan would be enough. And he is more than enough. But Tom is unforgettable. Having him so close and still sharing something so precious with him sends shivers down your spine.

Because he’s right there. Just a few steps away. And he’s no longer yours.

The sharp sound of Ethan’s excited voice pulls you back, and you take a deep breath about three times, trying to slow your heart. You swipe your thumb under your eyes, drying any trace of tears.

"E, did you change your shirt?” you ask as you return to the living room, seeing Ethan sitting on the floor, showing Tom a new puzzle he got.

“Yes, I accidentally spilled water while brushing my teeth, Mom,” he says. “Sorry.”

“Oh, no problem, my love.” You move closer, crouch down, and kiss the top of his head. “Well done for changing it all by yourself.” He smiles and shifts his attention back to his dad, who keeps his eyes fixed on him.

You let Ethan and Tom talk on their own for a while and take the opportunity to wash the breakfast dishes.

It’s clear that Ethan prefers having this moment at home, without the rush and hurry of needing to leave right away. That’s why Tom always tries to arrive a little earlier than planned, as if to ease the transition between locations for the coming days.

A few minutes later, Tom's voice catches your attention.

"Y/N, can you come here?" You dry your hands and walk into the living room.

Ethan is sitting with his back to Tom, leaning on the coffee table, playing with a plastic robot.

"What's wrong?" you ask. Tom stands up from the sofa and takes your hand, pulling you a little away from the scene.

"He doesn’t want to go."

"What do you mean, he doesn’t want to go? A few hours ago, he was all excited."

"I noticed, but it’s been almost an hour since I arrived, and when I mentioned that we needed to go, he just turned his back and said he didn’t want to go." Tom’s unfocused, disoriented look tightens your chest.

The duration of Ethan's stays with each of you was never decided. One of the things you both agreed on was that the courts wouldn’t be involved at this stage—you both believed you could communicate and decide how Ethan’s custody would work. Tom spends a lot of time at his father’s beverage company, which makes it harder for him to connect with Ethan during the week. Your job is more flexible, allowing you to work from home and have more free time. However, Tom still asks to spend time with Ethan during the week on occasion and also picks him up from school when needed.

This is a new moment, one that neither of you may know how to handle. It’s never happened before. You gently touch Tom’s arm and walk around him to approach Ethan, sitting down beside him on the floor. The moment you do, he turns his head, resting it on the table.

"Bubba?" You use his favourite nickname. "Can you look at mommy?" Your hand strokes his back, but he stays in the same position, unresponsive. "Can we talk? Daddy said you were upset." With that, Tom moves closer and sits on the sofa behind you.

"Come on, bean. We’re here with you."

Ethan’s accumulated a series of nicknames throughout his life, even during pregnancy. Bean being one of them. And the fact that Tom used it now feels like a low blow, especially to you. After all, it was the way you both referred to him throughout the entire pregnancy.

"What’s bothering you?" No response. "Do you remember what you told me earlier? Daddy’s going to take you to see the snow and the Christmas tree. Grandma and Grandpa will be there too."

"Uncle Harry, Sam, and Paddy too. They’re all waiting for you," Tom adds.

Ethan's small shoulders begin to tremble, causing even more panic in both of you, who exchange a glance before turning your attention back to the little one. Slowly, Ethan starts to sob quietly, and your instinct is to pick him up and comfort him right away. But Tom places his hand on your arm, stopping you, and you look at him in disbelief.

"E, you need to tell us what’s going on."

"I don't want to go," he finally replies.

"Ethan, I need you to tell me why," Tom says.

"I don't want to go," he repeats.

"Right, we get it. But this was our agreement, remember? We have a lot to do at home."

"Mummy," Ethan says, sitting up and turning towards you.

"Bubba, why don’t you want to go with Daddy?" you ask gently. He moves closer to you and throws himself into your lap, wrapping his legs around your body and his arms around your neck, burying his face against you. Tom runs a hand over his face, unsure of what to do as the sound of Ethan’s crying grows louder, filling the room.

You look at Tom without knowing what to say, and he seems just as uneasy about the situation. Ethan has never refused to go out with him before. Could it be that the time he spends with Ethan isn’t enough? Tom looks like he’s ready to start an argument that won’t end anytime soon, judging by the expression on his face. You stand up, holding Ethan even closer to your body.

"I need to calm him down. Can you wait or come back later?" you ask.

"What? Y/N, no. You know I always come early just to avoid situations like this. Everyone is waiting for us at home. I need to go, and I need to take him with me." With that, Ethan clings even tighter to you. Tom notices, and rejection washes over his face.

"I'm sure everyone will understand. Do as you wish, but right now, my priority is him," you say, looking at him before turning away and walking to Ethan's little room. The bed, which he had tried to make himself, is cozy enough for you to lie down with him.

Ethan has always shown preferences and behaviours different from other children his age. This concerned you and led you to seek professional help. The paediatrician conducted some tests and recommended starting psychological treatment. A few sessions have already taken place, and Mia, the child psychologist, has had several conversations with you.

Throughout the entire separation period, what concerned you the most was Ethan's reaction and how all these changes would affect him.

Even though he was only three years old when it all happened, he witnessed small arguments between you and Tom, which, despite your best efforts to avoid, could not be entirely prevented. After that, the constant moving from one place to another undoubtedly made it difficult for him to identify with a single place.

Mum’s house, Dad’s house.

Where is Ethan’s home?

This was a question raised by the psychologist, and it has never left your mind since.

Ethan’s tiny fingers wrapped around your neck found the chain you rarely take off. He traced its path to the front, touching the small letter 'E' pendant. A gift from Tom when you both decided on the baby’s name. Some things are hard to leave behind.

You waited until his breathing steadied, making sure he had fallen asleep, before getting up.

The plan was to head to the living room and call Tom to let him know that Ethan had fallen asleep and it would probably be better to come back later. But as you stepped into the hallway, you found Tom sitting on the sofa, his head resting against the back, legs spread, shoulders slumped. Tired. That’s the word that best describes Tom Holland’s body language at that moment.

He slowly lifted his head as he heard you approach. You sat down next to him, your legs touching.

"He’s asleep."

"I figured that would happen."

"The psychologist said he might have issues related to this change in routine." Tom sighed.

Of course, he knows about the psychotherapy sessions Ethan has been attending. His consent is required, after all. But he has never attended a single parental guidance session, something that fills you with frustration.

"Do you think we’re doing something wrong?" you ask.

"I don’t know. Maybe?"

"He wasn’t supposed to be caught in the middle of all this mess."

"What do you want to do now, Y/N? We can’t change the past," he replies sharply.

"Hey, what’s going on with you? Where’s all this harshness coming from?" Tom takes a deep breath and leans his head back on the sofa again, staring at the ceiling.

"My son doesn’t want to go home with me. That’s all. He was fine, and then, out of nowhere, he turned his back on me. When I ask him something, he doesn’t respond." He looks at you now. "I didn’t tell you before because it was resolved, but two weeks ago, that Wednesday when you were stuck at work and asked me to pick him up from school… When he saw me—when he realised it wasn’t you—he didn’t want to leave. It was horrible for me because people were watching, and I’ve never seen Ethan cry as much as he did that day." He lets out a bitter laugh.

"Tom…"

"The teachers tried to talk to him, but it was like I was a stranger taking him away. In the end, he agreed to come with me when I said we were going home, but he misunderstood. When he realised we were going to my house, he started crying again." He looks down at the floor. "It took ages for him to stop. That’s why, when you came to pick him up, he was asleep—because he was exhausted from crying so much." Finally, he looks at you, tears in his eyes.

"Tommy."

"I did everything wrong. I tried to give my best, always, but it’s never enough. I wasn’t the best for you, and look what happened." He looks away. "And now my son doesn’t even want to stay with me."

"Hey, hey. Look at me." You gently place a hand on his arm. "Tom, this isn’t your fault. This is all new for both of us, just as it is for him."

"I should have fought harder for us," he murmured.

Gently, you place a hand on his face, pulling him closer. The two of you adjust on the sofa, settling into a position that feels both comfortable and familiar. Tom nestled in your arms, his head resting against your chest, just the way Ethan often does. One of his arms wraps tightly around your waist, holding you close, while your hand soothingly traces along his back.

As the two of you remain wrapped up in each other for an indeterminate amount of time, you try not to dwell on Tom’s words.

How different would things be if he hadn’t given up on trying? It’s not fair to place all the blame on him, but reflecting on past events, he was the first to show that he no longer had an interest in keeping the relationship alive.

During your time apart, you heard about Tom being involved with other women. But none of them were serious enough to be introduced to Ethan—or to you.

The sound of Tom’s phone ringing on the coffee table pulls you back to reality. When Tom doesn’t move to answer it, you lean forward, trying to see who’s calling. But as you do, Tom tightens his arms around you.

"It’s your mum."

"Let it ring."

"Aren’t they expecting you?" you ask, settling back into the sofa.

"I don’t think I have good news," he mutters.

Your hands find their way to his hair, gently massaging, offering comfort in the only way you know how at that moment.

The phone rings a few more times before the call drops, only to start again 20 seconds later.

"I think you should answer," you say, and he mutters something unintelligible. "I can talk to her if you want." Tom simply lets go of you, slumping back onto the sofa. You get up, pick up his phone, and walk into the kitchen before answering.

"Hi, Nikki."

"What? Who is this? Y/N?" she says, startled.

"Yes, it’s me."

"Did something happen, dear? Where’s Tom?"

"Um, we had a situation here, but don’t worry—it’s all fine now."

"Are you sure? How’s Ethan?" she asks nervously.

"He… well, he didn’t want to leave. We tried talking to him, but it didn’t help much. He eventually fell asleep."

"Oh, poor little thing," she says, sighing. "And you, my dear? How are you?"

"I…" Hearing the concern in her voice, your eyes well up with tears. "I don’t know what to do. Tom is heartbroken. Seeing them both like this hurts me so much, Nikki."

"Oh, sweetheart, I know it does. But you need to take care of yourself too, Y/N. Stop thinking you have to handle all of this on your own. I know what it’s like to raise a child, and I know Tom tries so hard to be part of it all, but after everything that happened… he’s distant."

"It’s been two years, Nikki. Why can’t we move past this?"

"Because there’s still love," she responds quickly. "I’ll never fully understand what happened between you two. Maybe the responsibility became too much, maybe you lost yourselves along the way. Focusing solely on the child became your priority, and you forgot to nurture that love. I don’t know."

"I don’t know either." "And you were so young when Ethan came along, Y/N. You both had to rewrite an entire life you had planned together, remember?" You sigh deeply at her words. "You wanted to graduate college together, start working, save enough to take a trip, just the two of you… there were so many plans, I can’t even list them all. If it wasn’t you telling me about them, it was Tom."

More tears streamed uncontrollably down your face, and you covered your mouth to stifle any sound, not wanting to alarm Tom in the living room. "I heard so much about you two…" She sighed as well. "And the truth is, you’re still young, learning something new every day. And now, you’re also teaching someone else—someone loving, intelligent, and full of so much heart. Ethan is made of both of you, my dear."

"I’m so afraid something will happen to him, Nikki. He’s so little, and I just… I can’t hurt him like this." "Y/N, you’re doing your best. Every time I see that boy, he shows me something new about his personality that surprises me so much. You’ve done an amazing job. But you also need to take care of yourself. And I’d be so happy if you allowed my son to help you in that process."

"Thank you, Nikki. That means a lot." "I’ll always be here for you. I’ll talk to everyone here about it and wait for Tom to let me know what we’re doing today, alright?"

"Alright. Thank you again."

"You’re welcome, dear." And with that, she hung up.

Without a second thought, you walk back into the living room. Tom is still in the same position, only lifting his head when he notices you standing in front of him. His gaze lands on your tear-streaked face and red eyes.

"What happened?" he asks, standing up and gently holding your face in his hands.

"Can you carry Ethan without waking him and take him to my room?" you ask, holding his wrists. He nods and lets his hands drop from your face before moving towards Ethan.

You make your way to your bedroom while Tom goes to fetch Ethan from his room. You pull down the blinds, dimming the light filtering into the space. Tom enters, carefully carrying Ethan, and places him in the centre of the bed.

Gently, you settle on the right side, straightening up before resting your head on the pillow. Tom stands there, unsure of what to do, watching you without reaction. Finally, you extend a hand toward him. He gets the message, takes off his shoes, and lies down on the side that used to be his when you shared this bed. You don’t let go of his hand for a second. Instead, you pull it closer, guiding it to wrap around Ethan’s small body nestled between you.

"I miss you so much," Tom whispered. A small smile appeared on your face.

"We’ll talk later, okay? For now, let’s just enjoy our little Bean."

[writingsbychlo]

WHAT HAPPENS IN VELARIS | azriel

summary; what happens in vegas? what happens in velaris. or, what happens the morning after two blind-in-love best friends get married while black-out drunk at a starfall party?

word count; 6733

notes; okay, I know starfall week is technically over, but the end of my week got real busy unexpectedly, so there are another few fics to come which we'll technically count. shhh.

You awoke with a startle, the familiar feeling of a shadow stroking over your cheek, but unfamiliar for the morning. Your eyes snapped open, sunlight pouring in and burning your eyes at the brightness, a hoarse groan leaving you. As you dragged yourself up in bed, darkness exploded around you, a dizzying kaleidoscope of shadows whipping around the room in a flurry that made your stomach twist. 

“Az, make it stop.” You groaned, and he stirred a little, groaning himself. At your words, though, whether you or him, the shadows began to calm, gracefully blocking out the light coming from the window and setting the room back into peaceful semi-darkness. Propping yourself up a little further, the man snoozing at your side huffed, wings tucking in a little tighter as he began to rise. 

“Why are you in my bed?” He groaned, twisting to grab a pillow and slam it over his face, and you rubbed at your eyes, before turning to face him properly. 

“You’re in my bed.” Scanning your eyes greedily along his bare arms, a thing you could later blame on this raging hangover if you were caught, your breath stuttered when you properly took him in. Not just bare arms, but bare chest. Rippling muscles peeking out from here the covers had slid down to his waist, swirling tattoos and dark chest hair. Your gaze roamed a little further, a squeak leaving your lips before your hand slammed over your eyes. Bare legs, one hanging out from the edge of the covers now, draped over the side of the bed like his wings. “You’re in my bed naked! Why are you in my bed naked?”

“I’m what?” That caught his attention, the man sitting up almost ramrod straight, back stiff and crumpled, lazy wings flaring a little too late to catch himself in the sudden movement. His hand flew out, both of you taking a loud gasp when that hand, sliding under the covers to grasp at anything, connecting with your thigh, gripping tightly for balance. A look of sickness crossed over his face as his head presumably spun, much like yours, in an equally awful hangover. “That’s your thigh. Naked thigh. Bare skin. Please tell me you have clothes on?”

His voice rose higher and higher in pitch, eyes fixed determinedly forwards as you glanced down at yourself, lifting the covers to check. “Yes…” His shoulders sagged a little, head daring to turn to you. “Sort of?”

“Sort of, what-” His jaw dropped, eyes visibly widening a little as he stared at your chest, and you smacked his shoulder. His cheeks reddened, but he didn’t look away. His voice was much raspier when he spoke next; “Cute bra.”

“Azriel!” You yanked the covers up, covering yourself from the neck down, and that blush spread to his ears as he finally met your gaze. He only shrugged. Reaching a hand under the covers himself towards his crotch, you were ready to chew his head off, before he was letting out a relieved sigh. 

“I have my boxers on still.”

“Oh, okay. So, we didn’t…” You waggled a finger between your bodies, and that blush that had started to fade gained colour on his cheeks again. You were sure your own face was just as warm. 

“No, I mean, surely we’d remember if we did… that.”

“It’d be pretty hard to forget,” You mumbled, hangover clouding your brain enough that you didn’t quite realise your eyes were roaming down his chest again until he cleared his throat, the muscles of his chest flexing a little as he did. You’d pretend until your dying breath that the sight didn’t make your mouth dry a little. 

It didn’t change the fact, however, that you could get used to waking up like this. Sure, you’d seen Azriel shirtless before, many times. Just like he’d seen you in bikinis in Summer, or scandalous dresses that arguably revealed more than this when you visited Hewn City, but that didn’t make it any less domestic. This wasn’t causal beachwear, or training, or a mission. This was home, this was comfy mornings when he should be smiling and kissing your forehead and asking what you want for breakfast. It all made your throat pinch a little.

Azriel’s lips were moving, he’d been saying something and you’d trailed off into daydreams. Snapping away the small smile from your lips, your attention moved to him. “What?”

“I said, maybe we should get dressed, and I can try to sneak out before anyone notices us in the halls.” Normally, this wouldn't be such a challenge, because you only had Nesta and Cassian to deal with, and they’d likely sleep in late today. The problem, was that following last night’s Starfall party, Rhys and Feyre were here with Nyx, Mor and Emerie, Elain and Lucien, Amren and Varian, and probably a couple of party-goers just now rousing themselves enough to leave. So many people to hide from, and your head pounded at the mere thought.

“Good idea.” You rubbed at your temples, even the sound of the sheets rustling around him was grating on your eardrums. But, you couldn't pass up the opportunity for just one more look at him, before he was gone, and would doubtless avoid you for days to come as the awkwardness settled. As he stood, he flexed his arms up and over his head, wings fluttering in a loose stretch, and your eyes widened. The garbled sound, something between a gasp and laugh, that fell from your lips was beyond your control. “Your wings!”

“What? What about them?” From the tone of your voice, he tried to look over his shoulder, unable to see what you were seeing. You discarded the blanket, crawling on your hands and knees over the mattress until you could kneel up behind him, one hand cupped over your mouth. The shock had effectively eliminated any remaining headache or sensitivity, his wide eyes finding yours. “What?”

“Flare them all the way out.” He did as told, the white paint smeared across the leathery membrane was clear words to you now, and you let out a shaky breath, tracing one letter with the pads of your fingers. 

“Please don’t do that unless you want me to embarrass myself further.” His words came on a groan as you touched the flesh, and you snatched your hand back, cheeks burning hot now as you realised what you’d done. Squeaking out an apology, you stood, guiding him over to the large mirror in your bedroom and turning him around so he could see what was written there.

Painted in thick capitals across his wings in white paste, were the stark words ‘just married’. A little chipped, somewhat faded as you were sure you’d find paint in your bed for weeks now, but there was no mistaking it. “Oh my God, Az…”

He looked down at his left hand, finding a beautiful silver band there, adorning his finger and catching in the rays of sun that occasionally flickered in from between his shadows at the window. As he glanced at you, the thought lingered in the back of your mind that you were still in only your underwear, as was he, and perhaps you should care about that, but the fact he was married was pinging around the inside of your head like a pebble.

“Who the hell did you marry?” You forced a laugh out, like everything in your body hadn't gone numb at the idea.

He only cleared his throat, picking up your left hand, and lifting it up to show off the matching silver band there. “You, apparently.”

You took a moment to admire the ring on your hand, the worry inside of you at having gotten married quashed momentarily by both relief and the sheer beauty of the gem on your finger. It was a blue colour, the same as his siphons, ridiculously cheesy but somehow perfect, and exactly what you’d have picked while drunk. Dotted around it were bands of silver leaves from metal, making it look like a flower nestled amongst nature, wrapped delicately around your finger. 

The silence dragged on between you both, each of you taking a second to come to terms with what had happened. 

“Okay, I mean, this is fine. It's fine, right?” His focus snapped back to you, lowering his hand, and furrowed brows raised a little. “This is totally casual. Let’s just act normal and get some breakfast. I bet nobody knows.”

“Okay, good call…” He cleared his throat, shoulders rolling back the way he did when calculating his next move in a sparring match against Cassian, or a battle of wits with Nesta. “We eat, get rid of these hangovers, and figure out a plan later.”

“Yes!” Your voice was a little too loud, both of you wincing. “Yes. Good.”

Darting around the room, you left him there, gathering some clothes from your drawers and tugging on a pair of simple leggings and a hoodie, feet shoved into a pair of comfortable slippers, the most causal outfit you could think of for the day after a Starfall rager. He only stood, idling in the room and alternating between staring at the ring on his finger, the words in the mirror, and you.

“What?”

“I… only have that. It’s a little walk-of-shame-y, don’t you think?” He pointed to his suit, still lying in a crumpled heap on the floor near your dress, and your cheeks flooded with heat once again. 

“Right… you should go get some clothes. Do your little shadow-hop thingy.” Your hands settled on your hips, waiting.

“I can’t Rhys hasn’t removed the protection wards from the party yet.” He shifted, face that of pure concentration, and the shadows in the room pulled just slightly towards him, but quickly sputtered back to their own devices. Stupid protection wards against snooping guests. “You’ll have to go get some.”

“You want me to sneak across the palace, into your bedroom, and rifle through your draws to find your clothes?” His scowl formed.

“Yes, I want you to go across the hall, into my bedroom, a place you’ve been before, and go into my first dresser, top two drawers, and bring me some fresh clothes.”

“Snarky.” You muttered, making your way across the room. He stuck his tongue out at you childishly, before turning his attention back to the mirror. On the other side of your bedroom door, as it clicked shut behind you, the air was colder. Refreshing, clearing your head. The smell of food was already wafting through the halls, chatter in every direction but none too close, if you were quick. 

Sneaking along, around two corners and one small set of stairs - across the hall, snarky bastard - you found his room. The door was mercifully unlocked for you, and you were quick to close it behind you. It was calmer than your own, the curtains open and golden light spilling in far softer than your own as his bedroom faced away from the rising sun. It smelled like him, that perfect mix that you always found so enticing, and the pathetic hope that it lingered in your sheets for a while made your eyes roll to only yourself. 

First dresser, top two drawers. Pulling out the first, rows and rows of neatly folded sweatpants were presented to you, and you tugged out a pair of muted green ones, unsure you’d be able to handle seeing him swagger around in those sinful grey ones today. The second drawer was t-shirts, a black one to match, and you tucked them under one arm, before backing away.

The journey back to your room was just as quick and stressful, barely taking a breath until you were sealed inside of your just-married bubble with Azriel once again. 

“See? You survived the big scary trip and my big scary room. I’m so proud.” You only scoffed, launching the clothes at him. 

“You know, it’s adorable that you colour-organise your sweatpants.” His laughter stopped abruptly, scowl shot in your direction. As you gained the upper-hand once again, you took a look at him. He had a sponge in one hand, still standing by the mirror and trying to reach around himself. Water was dotted along the carpet, some of the paste smeared into grey on his back now, but he could barely reach it. You softened upon looking at him, holding out your hand. “C’mere. Come sit on the bed.”

He did as told, after tugging on his sweatpants, and yesterday’s socks with a grimace, settling on the edge of the bed. Kneeling behind him once again, he flexed out his wings, bowing his head forwards for you to start work. Carefully, you wiped down his wings, giving extra caution to the paces that made him shiver or his breath catch, until the words were gone entirely. 

You weren’t sure what possessed you, when you leaned forwards, pressing a kiss to the back of his head. “All done.”

He only turned, his face close to yours as he looked over his shoulder, and he bumped his forehead against yours once. “Thank you.” His whisper was as low as your own, and your smile only grew. Letting yourself bask for only a second longer, you peeled away, headed to the bathroom to discard of the sponge and at least give your face a cursory wash, a splash of cold water to wake you up. 

When you returned, Azriel was just buttoning his shirt up behind himself, both of you looking far fresher and feeling much more composed than you had twenty minutes ago. 

“Ready to go deal with this?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, husband.” He grinned a little, opening the door and peering out into the corridor. Nobody was present to see him slipping out of your room, and so he turned back to you. 

“Now or never, wife.”

“I’d prefer never, to be honest.” Your stomach rumbled in disagreement as you stepped up beside him, both of you leaving your room behind, and his shadows darted along behind, swirling around you both like a cloak as you began your walk toward the voices you could already hear and the tempting smell of food.

Nerves were eating you alive, Azriel’s presence beside you doing little to calm the erratic racing of your heart or the beading of sweat along your spine, and so you found yourself twisting anxiously at the ring on your finger, spinning it around and around and around-

It went utterly silent as the two of you stepped into the doorway, all eyes moving to you both, scanning every footstep and breath as you moved across the room to take the only two seats still available. Pulling out the chair beside Mor, Azriel motioned for you to sit down, and you offered the best smile you could muster in response as you sank into the seat. He took the one next to you, Lucien on his other side buttering a piece of toast, and the only sound in the room was the loud crunch it made as he bit into it. 

Nobody spoke, until Cassian did; “So, how’s life as a married couple going so far?”

“So you all know?”  

“Well, you invited us all to watch,” Rhys smirked, a loud groan left you, your head falling down to burying your hands, and as laughter broke out around the table, you wanted to curl up into a ball. Better yet, you wanted to disappear entirely. Jokes quickly followed the laughter, only spurring on everyone’s amusement, and the burning of your blush was so high you were sure you were going to catch fire at any moment. You couldn't bare to even look up. 

That was, until a finger was tapping under your chin lightly. The rough feel of a scarred- fingertip telling you exactly who it was, who was guiding your face back up from the sanctity of your palms. Before you, was a plate of all your favourites that he’d gathered, and he placed a tall glass of orange juice down to match it, giving a sweet smile when your stare shifted thankfully to him. 

He nodded in acknowledgement, his smile lingering as he began to gather his food, but the moment was ruined by Feyre’s cooing as she elbowed her mate. “Oh, look, such a good husband you make, Az.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get it all out.” He sighed, fixing his usual terrifying stare around the guests at the table. “This is your chance to make jokes, while I’m distracted with food and a hangover.”

“Fuck that, I want to know the story,” Cassian spoke right over the top of any jokes that were coming, ignoring Feyre’s stare for his curse in front of her son, various sounds of shock and agreement sounding out. Once again it was quiet, all attention still hanging on your both, expectantly. 

“What story?” You raised your brows, shovelling some of the food into your mouth, hoping it would quell the rising nausea within you at the spotlight that had been thrust onto you now. 

“The story. How in the name of the Mother did you two end up getting married last night? That story.” The warrior clarified, and your jaw tightened as you tried to think. All that came up was a blur, half the night was clear and half of it was gone, right up until this morning. Unfortunately, the half you needed was the blurry part. 

Azriel, though, stiffened beside you, pausing with food halfway to his mouth. It was only a minute stutter, picking up action again hardly a second later, but you weren’t the only one to notice. Rhysand’s smile widened. “Az, looks like you might remember something. Care to share?”

He looked like he absolutely didn’t want to share, not even a speck of it, until his eyes moved to you. You wanted to know, and you were sure your face conveyed that, because he slumped a little in defeat.

“I had plans to tell you something last night.” He paused, leaving everyone at the table, including yourself, in suspense, as he poked at some of the food on his plate, and ate a little more. “I was nervous.”

“You, nervous? Must have been something important.” The look on Nesta’s face was like that of a predator hunting its prey, she was delighting in this, and Cassian chuckled by her side. You shot them both a glare, but Az never looked away from you. He looked nervous now as your attention moved back to him, the look on his face sparking something in your memory, and it was like a part of that blur uncocked just a little bit to release a memory. 

“Well, don’t you just look dashing tonight, shadowsinger?” You smirked a little, raising your glass to tip towards his as he chuckled, smoothing one hand down the front of his suit. He’d really gone all out tonight, a dark grey button-up shirt under a smart black waistcoat, tight suit pants and his best pair of boots, all shined up and ready for the party. He looked practically edible, with his hair styled for once, a single curl flicked down across his forehead. He was all but glowing under the lights, like glitter was painting along his skin, a glow in those golden eyes. 

“Well, I had to make sure I’d look alright standing next to you.” He was bold, this line you’d been dancing along in these last few months was still exhilarating, new enough that your breath rushed from your lungs in a sudden burst when he raked his gaze along you, purposefully slowly. “You look… there are no words for how you look tonight. I could list a few; stunning, beautiful, breathtaking, but I don’t think any of them do you justice.”

Your blush was so warm you wanted to press your glass against your skin just to cool it down, a smile stretching your lips as you stared up at him, even in heels. You stepped a fraction closer, his hand coming out gently, to find your one, fingers brushing your free palm lightly enough that you shuddered. Then, his smile was gone, he was nervous, a look you rarely ever saw in him. 

“I wanted to talk to you tonight. I have to tell you something.”

“Well, you have my full attention.” You hoped your tone was soft enough to melt away that panic, linking your fingers with his firmly, and his gaze dropped for a second to your joined hands. A smile flickered on his lips, his thumb smoothing over your knuckles. 

A new song played on the drums, the live band filled the room with music, and so many loud voices cheered and sang along, faelights flashing in all different colours to mimic the fall of the stars outside that would start soon. You could all but feel it like a temperature drop in the room when Azriel’s fear got the best of him. He locked up, body going rigid, eyes hard and smile turning sour.

“Maybe some liquid courage, first, hm?”

He let out a relieved breath, nodding his head, body loosening once again as he took the lead, guiding you away towards the bar.

“I remember that. You were nervous, you said we had something to talk about. I suggested we get some liquid courage.”

Azriel’s eyes glazed over a little, as though he was remembering too, reliving the moment the way you had. His jaw dropped a little, a puffed-out laugh leaving it on a breath. “Yeah… well, I think we might’ve had enough liquid courage for an entire army the night before battle.” 

Your laugh was the first one this morning that felt truly genuine, a light sparking in Azriel’s eyes at the sound. He stared, watching you giggle over the entire situation, and you’d feel self-conscious about it in front of everyone, if it didn’t make you feel so adored. That was the thing about Azriel, one of the many things that had made you fall for him so hard all those years ago, only getting worse since. 

The way he gave you his attention, the way he could make you feel like the only person in the room with a single look, the way he could make you feel special. It warmed your heart like nothing else ever had. His attention, his devotion, it was something you dreamed about, and longed for at night when you lay in bed alone, knowing he was only a few doors away. 

“So, you drank, a lot.” Feyre interrupted, Nyx giggling loudly at the way his mother had cupped her hands over his ears, as though he understood any of it. “Then what happened?”

“Another?” The bartend offered, you and Azriel already a giggling mess. You were leaning against one another, a row of sticky shot glasses lined up in front of yourselves, surrounded by bitten lime slices and split salt. The feel of his hand on your waist was like a brand through your dress, one you loved enough to place a hand over his, squeezing to keep it there. 

He didn’t, only sliding it further around your waist to yank you into his body, and your laughter stopped for a second in shock, staring up at him as he stared down, awaiting your reaction. You both melted into laughter once again. 

You could feel each deep breath he took, the brush of his chest against yours, and that laughter slowly fizzled out the closer he leaned. The bartend was long gone, the atmosphere around you both melting away into nothing more than a haze. His nose was bumping your own, dragging over your cheek, kisses without ever kissing as you shared space, shared breath. 

“We should- we should go sit down. Before I fall over in these heels.” You mumbled, and he hummed in acknowledgement. 

“I’d catch you.”

That only brought more giggles. “I think we both know, that’s not possible anymore. We’d both more likely end up sprawled out on the floor.”

He laughed too, head raising again and arm tightening at your waist. “Fine, sitting it is, but only because the floor is so dirty. Where’s our table again?”

You were mortified, fingers tracing over the tip of your nose in a feather-light touch, nothing like the way it had felt to be so close to him, to be touched by him, and the new wash of colour on his face suggested he was thinking the same thing. 

“We had some drinks, and then we came over to the table with you all.”

“Some drinks? You two drank the rest of us under the table.” Nesta scoffed, everyone laughing in agreement. Your body was already regretting everything after that first shot. “It was impressive!”

“But, also kinda’ nice.” Elain chipped in, the first thing she’d said this whole time, and she was now tucked happily under Lucien’s arm, grinning at the pair of you. “Seeing Az let go, loosen up like that. It was funny, but also sweet. I mean, I’d never seen him like that before, you bring out that side of him.”

You ducked from her stare, poking at the remnants of your food on your plate. “Pretty sure that was the tequila.”

“No, it was you,” Azriel muttered, shocking you enough that your head snapped towards him, but he was just staring at his plate, a soft upwards-twist of his lips showing his feelings.

“You challenged me to an arm wrestling competition.” Cassian cut in, a smirk on his face as you turned to look at him. 

“Did I win?”

He almost instantly regretted that question, because his smirk dropped, shifting to Nesta’s face instead as she sipped her tea. “Yeah, you did. Made all us Valkyries real proud, you can boast about it at the next training session.”

“You only won because Azriel cheated and helped you.” The General grumbled, crossing his arms and slumping in his chair. The male beside you shrugged, leaning back in his own with a cocky expression, and the two began bickering. 

A phantom feeling raced along your back as you tried to remember it. Flashes of the night, your hand clasped in Cassian’s, pushing with everything you had, another hand sitting over your own. Heat at your back as Azriel pressed himself up behind you, one arm around your waist, the other hand wrapped with yours as you both pushed at Cassian’s. His hand slammed into the table, the two of you celebrating as Cass took his loss like a sore loser.

“You also did a lot of dancing,” Mor chipped in next to your ear, practically a whisper as the men all now fought over what constituted cheating in ‘arm wrestling’. Images behind your eyes again, you and Azriel twirling across the dance floor, chest to chest again, so close you could practically taste him, laughing and giggling your way all around the room in laps for what felt like hours, until your legs were shaking and feet aching, both of you panting. “And then, the two of you were sneaking off between the pillars, laughing so much. It was adorable, you were never apart.”

Hands on your waist, pulling you away from the dance floor, like you wouldn't have followed him just about anywhere. If Azriel had asked you to, you’d have walked straight into one of the lakes in Oorid, just to see that smile on his face. He dragged you away, your back pressing against the cold stone of one of the pillars. It was a relief, your whole body hot and flushed, the cold stone cooling you a little.

It was quieter here, darker, and so much more peaceful as you were hidden away from the rest of the party. He leaned in, enough that his forehead was sat on your own, eyes closed as you both giggled hysterically. 

“Wait- what were we laughing at?” Your mind had emptied as he invaded your space, the smell of him emptying your thoughts out like scattered sand. 

“I don’t know.” More laughter took over, his body all but falling against your own as he sagged, shadows leaping in happy twirls and jumps like they were laughing too, pretty shapes around you that your eyes followed. “You know what would be funny, though? If someone spilt red wine on Eris’ suit. Who wears all white to a party?”

Azriel’s words draw loud laughter from you, bounding off of the walls between gasping breaths as you pictured it. 

“Or, if someone pranked Cassian like last year.”

You could barely breathe, arms wrapped around Azriel, clinging to him just to stay stood, and he twisted around, arms looped at your waist until it was his back pressed to the column, wings drooping either side, and you were slumped against his chest. “No, wait, I have the best one.” You pushed yourself up, one hand on his chest so you could meet his eye. “It would be so funny if Helion actually managed to convince Feyre and Rhys into that threesome.”

“What about when Mor found out, and that Helion was just moving his way through the family?”

“If they did fuck, would Lucien have to start calling Rhys ‘daddy’? Or is that only if they got married?” That seemed to be it, the two o you laughing so hard you slid down to the pillar, collapsing into a heap on the floor. You were half strewn across Azriel’s lap, face buried into his neck, his head tipped back to let the sounds of amusement flow free. 

His hair was messy now, yours the same, his cheeks pink and lips shining and he’d never looked better than he did at that moment. He lifted a hand, smoothing it across your cheek, one thumb running over your smile gently, “You know what would be the funniest, though…”

Your hand slapped over your mouth, darting to Azriel who dropped his fork, mouth dropping in shock and cheeks going the darkest shade of red yet. 

“Then, suddenly, the two of you are inviting us all down to one of the temples, and telling us you’re getting married!” Mor had no idea the moment she’d chosen to speak on, the key memory flashing through your mind of what had led to it all. “Poor Gwyn’s face, when you bombarded her with questions, asking her if priestesses held a high enough status to marry someone, and whether she’d do it right there, right now!”

“Gwyn married us?” Was all Azriel was finally able to choke out, still steadfastly ignoring your burning stare, and refusing to even let his eyes move sideways in your direction. 

“Yep.”

“Would you like to see your spectacular wedding?” Rhys offered, and it was enough to finally pull your focus from Az, moving to watch the High Lord tap at his temple in offer. He wasn’t looking at you, though, his eyes shifting to the middle distance, a look Azriel had too, upon closer inspection, and they were obviously talking. A conversation the rest of you weren’t a part of. Rhys’ brows rose, a silent question, and Azriel sighed. 

His face moved from shock, to embarrassment, to resignation, shrugging a little as his eyes came back into focus. Finally, he turned to look at you. He was nervous again. 

Taking his hand from the table, you squeezed it in both of yours, and he squeezed back, letting you settle your joint hands in your lap, never breaking eye contact. “S’okay, Rhys. Might as well get everything out in the open at once. I can’t get any more embarrassed, anyway.”

You squeezed his hand again.

There was a tapping at your mental shields, polite as ever, Rhysand made his presence known, first, A request, never a demand. You were proud of yourself for even still having them up, actually, dropping them for him to enter your mind. He grabbed onto your consciousness, dragging you into his head, to show you the scene playing through his eyes.

The giggles you’d been encased in had long since stopped, but that didn’t make the two of you any less clingy. Instead of holding hands, Rhys watched his friends cling to one another, foreheads pressed together and smiles on their faces. They looked a mess, wind ruffled from the flight here, as they all did, and eyes bright. Gwyn, slightly tipsy and utterly elated, was chanting her way through a text passage from the tome in her hands. 

Nyx was bored, tugging on his lapels as Feyre tickled at his stomach, trying to keep him quiet as they watched from the front row of the pews. He couldn't tear his eyes away, couldn't bear to leave, not when he was finally watching his brother smile like that. Not when he was finally watching his best friend get the girl he was always meant to have. Centuries of sadness and pain and suffering, and finally, they’d all get to be truly happy. 

“Azriel, uh, I don’t suppose you have any vows?” Gwyn offered, the book making a mighty slam as it snapped closed, a cloud of dust leaving it and she gripped it to her chest, teal eyes bouncing happily between the two at the altar. 

“Sure, yeah. I have… something.” The speech, Rhys felt excitement bubble within himself at the speech he’d heard Azriel practising for days to tell her. “I have been trying to tell you this all night. All month. For years, actually, so, I’m glad I can finally say it.”

Chuckles sounded around him, and Cassian hooted in encouragement somewhere to his left. “Get her, Az!”

“I’m in love with you. Plain and simple. I’m so fucking in love with you, that I can’t think straight. I can’t act right. I can barely breathe when you smile at me, and when you look at me, it makes me feel worth it. Like everything I had to endure to get to this point was nothing, because you make it all right. Everything, from the scars on my heart to the ones on my hands, you make it all feel okay. You’re beautiful, you’re special, and I hope you feel even a tiny bit of what I feel for you, because if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you with everything that I have to give. And when we die one day, my soul will forever be bound to yours, following you across the winds, to wherever you want to go. Life or death, sickness or health, happiness or sadness, I’m yours.”

It was so much more than the speech they’d had planned, something truly poured from his heart, and he rubbed a hand over his chest as he watched. He watched you cry, watched tears stream slowly down your face as you gaped, and watched Azriel wipe them away patiently. 

You were overwhelmed, clearly so, and yet you reached up, cupping Azriel’s cheeks in both of your hands. 

“Some spymaster you are, huh? How did you not know I love you too? So much, Az, for years. There are so many things about you, everything about you, I just-” You cut yourself off with a sniff, lip wobbling as you stared at him, and with your confession too, Azriel was grinning. 

“It’s okay, don’t cry, my love.”

“When I stop crying, I’ll give you a real good speech too, I promise.” That drew laughter from them all, and he could feel Feyre practically buzzing with excitement against his side, could feel the overwhelm of both Cassian and Azriel’s emotions from their bond. 

“Are you sure you want to-”

He didn’t get a chance to finish that tickle of doubt, before you were pulling his face down, body flush to his as you leaned into the kiss. Your lips melded together, Azriel wasted no time in responding, and Rhysand let out his own loud cheer of approval to join everyone else’s as the deal was all but sealed. 

“Well, kiss your bride… I guess?” Gwyn teased, stepping down from the altar as the two remained locked in their tear-filled, happy embrace. With a wink of magic, Rhys was holding out his hand, a set of pretty bands sat in the centre. With another flick, the pair was sitting snugly around each finger, and at the sudden coldness, the pair snapped apart. 

Glancing down at your hands, you were busy admiring yours while Azriel’s head turned to Rhys, mouthing his thanks, before taking your hand and throwing them up in the air. 

“I got the girl! I got the girl, Cass!”

“Yeah, you did, buddy!” His friend hollered, all of them making their way up to the altar now in a stream to offer their congratulations. 

The memory fizzled out, you felt yourself being slowly deposited back into your own body, until you were blinking your eyes and taking a gasping breath. The room was silent, waiting for any kind of response, and Azriel was pushing the last of his foot around his plate aimlessly, an anxious frown sitting on his lips. Your hands squeezed, coming up empty, and finding his hand was now sitting on his lap, clenched into a tight fist so hard his knuckles were white.

“I had imagined something better for our first kiss. Preferably, something I’d consciously remember.” He still wasn’t looking at you, even as he spoke. Out of everything about this situation that made it crazy, somehow, marrying Azriel, it all seemed to make sense. Nothing about it felt wrong, or crazy, and you only wished you’d remember the beautiful moment through your own eyes instead of someone else. It was your turn to direct his attention now. 

“Yeah?” Your hand settled behind his head, sitting on the nape of his neck and rubbing lightly, until he looked up at you. Hope. Hope shone in those pretty eyes. “Something more like this?”

The moment your lips met his, gasps sounded and cutlery dropped to hit plates sharply. But, you didn’t care. Moving slowly, Azriel barely paused, before letting out a quiet moan against your lips, relief and love mixed into the sound, as he kissed back. One hand found your cheek, the other spreading along the back of your chair until his arm wrapped around you to tug you in closer. His lips were shy against your own, growing in confidence with every drag, your noses bumping, promises and affection and need shining through. 

He pulled back, for a quick breath, your lungs burning in a heady way that made you dizzy, before he was stealing more, prolonging the kiss. Vaguely, you could hear Cassian cheering, Feyre aww-ing, and Lucien chuckling. Nyx was clapping his little hands excitedly, obviously picking up on the joy in the atmosphere. Azriel’s thumb swiped over your cheek as he pulled back, a final kiss left on your still-puckered lips. 

His pupils were blown wide as he licked over his own. You smiled, hoping to maintain at least a little of your dignity and all of your innocence, before you jumped your new husband right at the table now that all of the confusion was cleared. His nose was still bumping your own lightly, lips barely brushing, and he placed another chaste kiss on your lips, need burning hot between you both. “Yeah, just like that.”

Finally, he pulled away, sparing you both any embarrassment if he’d stayed longer and you’d lost all your self-control. He was grinning stupidly as everyone stared at you both, his arm still spread along the back of your chair, fingers brushing your shoulder in aimless patterns. 

“So, what are you going to do now?” Lucien raised a good question, you hadn't really thought that far. And yet, still, as you glanced from your wedding band to your husband, you felt nothing but bliss. 

“Well, I think Azriel should take his wife on their first date, for starters.”

Azriel only nodded, turning to look at you and you swore hearts were visible in his eyes as he did. He leaned in, lips brushing your own again, a tease of a kiss that had you leaning forwards for more, and before he gave in, he simply whispered, “I’ll pick you up at six, my love.”

[thenighthekate]

could you do an angst to fluff with tom based off the way i loved you by taylor swift? if your comfortable with it or have time!! <3.

The way I loved you ( t.k. )

And my heart does not beat. It is still inside my chest. My tears keep on falling and my head will not rest.

There were many ways to love someone. Stolen kisses, morning hugs, late night dinner. The bond between two people only growing stronger with every conversation they had, but ours only seemed to crumble. With every forceful peck, strained embrace, silent meal, the bond in between us quietly disappeared.

He wasn't bad, wasn't the best, but neither was I. We had our problems and once we got out of our honeymoon phase they only seemed to worsen. With every day our arguments grew stronger, louder, the fire in our eyes glowing brighter as our voices raised. It was our new life, we loved each other, just not the same way we used to.

In all honesty I was getting so used to our new reality that when it all flipped I could only cry.

I missed our contact, even when all of it resulted in screaming and crying. Driving down the highway with music blasting just to avoid each other, toxic, but we atleast saw one another. Now it was like we didn't exist, just two separate people living together in what felt like far too small of a house.

The moon was shining that night, rays of silver breaking through the heavy rain that hit the cars windows. It was silent, no obnoxiously loud music that could cover our thoughts, only our breathing filling the empty spaces.

I was staring straight ahead and with a few stolen glances I figured that Tom was too, his brows scrunched, hands tightly gripping the wheel as he looked down the road. He was deep in thought, whatever clouding his mind making him softly shake his head. I didn't pay any attention to it until the car slowed down, drifting to the side of the street and rolling to a stop.

Silence indulged us two as I looked around for any clues, anything that would tell me if something was wrong. " Did something happen to the car-"

" We need to talk." His hands let go of the wheel slightly, his gaze still fixated in front of him. I knew what those words meant, I knew that he wanted to go deep on anything that was bothering us, anything that made us be where we are. " We can't keep going like this. I'm tired of living in this hole, I mean we don't talk, we live two separate lives. We sleep in the same fucking bed, but yet we're different." His rant was pretty short, half of which he looked me in the eye. I could see the sadness behind them, the clear desperation to make things work, fix whatever was broken.

" I don't know what happened to us." There was no cheating, no huge arguments, the lust between us jost slowly seemed to burn out. My fingers played with each other, anxiety filling my brain as it poured out into my words. " I love you, but we can't fix anything if we don't even know what started it."

We stared at one another silently, our eyes in a way almost communicating. " It's either this or we break up."

I knew it, he knew it, but yet something was tugging on both of our hearts, not letting us go with the latter.

In a moment of what felt like a spell was put over us we leaned in, our lips connecting and fighting against each other. This was the first real kiss in a while, no small peck or a smooch presented in front of family to make them know of our so called love. Minutes were shared as our hands traveled bodies, skin blushing and heat rising, I missed this. I missed moments like these, our love for one another just spilling past our edges making us swim in the softly sweet feeling. I missed our dancing in the rain, laughter coming straight from our throats as we got drenched from the water above. I missed us.

We separated with deep breaths trying to catch air back into our lungs, his hands holding mine as we stared into each other's eyes. His palm while clenched around mine raised up, his soft lips planting a sweet kiss on top of my knuckles. " I love you. I promise that whatever was fucked up will be fixed." And for the first time in months I could actually see a light for our future.

[mexicangela]

okay. so. about tedbecca.

this is long and i apologize i just have thoughts. first, the fakeout in the beginning was cruel. BUT i was willing to forgive because tbh it was kinda funny and i’m not convinced that the “morning after” tension between ted and rebecca didn’t make everyone, everyone, think for just a second that they had slept together. y’know, like, if there was never any chemistry there, why the fakeout to get tedbeccas excited/cut them down and antis worried? did the reason for ted, beard, and jane being there really make a ton of sense? no. therefore, it really does feel like it was just something they wrote in to be mean and, like. come on, guys. why be mean? second, their talk in the stands??? you gotta be fucking kidding me. rebecca welton poured her fucking soul out to ted and he didn’t have a thing to say about it other than that “i’ve already made my decision” bullshit? didn’t even offer her a hand or hug of comfort? how out of character was that? he seemed so stoic through the whole episode, like he was stunted. which, maybe has to do with his being sad about leaving but still it threw me off. jesus, talk about “subverting expectations” or whatever. also, the things rebecca was saying? “you go, i go”? the ultimatum of “either we both stay or we both leave” and then her saying they’d both go only to take it back in the end? be so fucking for real right now. the offer to pay him insane amounts of money then telling him there was really no kind of monetary compensation that could represent how much he meant to the club (and her), the proposed solution to bring his child and his child’s mother over to london for him to stay (it is one thing to offer to get henry over, but to extend the offer to michelle is something else)? those aren’t things regular old friends say/do for each other, i’m sorry. listen, i love my friends but that’s a lot to offer anyone. you really have to love someone to be willing to do all that and cry real tears while begging them to stay, to choose you, to choose the home you’ve made for yourself. third, the airport scene gutted me but AGAIN i was kind of at peace with it. it would have at least left it super open ended and allowed the fanbase to imagine what could have happened afterward, y’know. like the whole “rom-com leave-cute” thing was another mean thing to do because where was the rom or the com about that?? why do that? but like i said, i would have been at peace with it because, dear god, the way rebecca was looking at him (again, ted gave us almost nothing but whatever. not even a tear? ugh.). i mean, she was looking at him like she wanted to say “stay. choose me. choose your own happiness.” also i know she’s loaded but WHO BUYS A FIRST CLASS TICKET JUST TO GET PAST SECURITY ONLY TO SAY GOODBYE TO A GOOD PAL? doesn’t make sense to my little pea brain!!! sudeikis, make it make sense (unfortunately for me and everyone around me i still love him)! there really should have been an “i love you” and not even necessarily in a romantic way. these two are supposed to be soulmates, cosmically connected, there’s not supposed to be one without the other and all we got was…”thank you” and a head nod? like, yes, thank you. thank you for showing me warmth and kindness and grace. thank you for reminding me what my strength looks like. thank you for being there for me. yes, yes, yes, thank you! but an “i love you” really would have been wonderful and i’m actually sad they didn’t get to hear it from each other. fourth, the way nameless boat dude came back in like a fucking generic ass early disney prince was just lame. i thought it was lazy. here we have a rebecca who is devastated that this weird, funny, kindhearted american football coach who shoved himself into her life and her heart has just left to go back to kansas and this little dutch girl trips and suddenly rebecca’s found happiness? it’s frustrating. really, it is. like i’m happy rebecca has a shot at happiness and a family, but she just as well could have had it with ted, who is admittedly very similar to this dutch man. i don’t get it. this is where it well and truly lost me. fifth (this one’s a three parter, sorry), where’s ted’s happy ending? because i don’t think it’s a life of volunteering to coach children’s soccer. i know people have been implying/worrying that ted and michelle reconcile but i don’t see that happening. ted, at his core, is still the man michelle left. he’s still overly optimistic (although we didn’t see that in the finale, like what?), he’s still punny, and let’s be real, he’s still a mess. i didn’t see the resolution to his arc. in fact, returning to kansas feels like a regression. he literally ran from kansas. that’s the whole reason he went to richmond in the first place. what changed? why is he going back now? for henry, yes, of course, that’s understandable. and at the same time, within the show we’ve been shown that the bond of a father and child is not always enough to get dad to stay/be a good and decent father (i.e. ted’s father, i.e. james tartt sr., i.e. rebecca’s father). this isn’t, of course, true for ted and henry, but i think it’s a point to make concerning everyone saying things about the child-parent bond being end-all, be-all. for some people, that’s true. for others, it isn’t. it isn’t a jab at anyone or the parent-child relationship in general, it’s just the truth. this is a coin that has two sides, y’know. got off course there but anyway, henry also could have gone to london, which i think might have been the best thing for him anyway, he seemed to have a good time there and he would have had a whole band of new brothers with all the himbos. michelle isn’t a bad mother by any means, but she’s got her own shit to work through if the whole doctor jacob thing was anything to go by. i also don’t think the show did all that great of a job showing us that henry had this super deep connection with his dad, but maybe that was just me lol. regardless, i still understood the bond and its importance and of course ted wanted to be there for his child. that part does make sense. the way it was gone about felt like a disservice though. ted’s expression at the end there doesn’t scream happy. he looked rather sad to me, like something was weighing on him still. and i’m sure there was. i don’t think he’s at peace with himself yet, or happy. maybe he’ll get happy in kansas. i hope he does. but getting to see rebecca’s “happily ever after” and not ted’s hurt my heart. guess i was hoping they would actually subvert the expectations and have him stay in the home he’d made for himself instead of going back to the place where he lost so much. why did he have to give up his found family and the job he loved (and was still actively learning about!! offsides!!) and the best friend he made and the support system he found (which, no matter your age or your progress, you always need a support system) and the community that had come to love him andandand- all ted did was sacrifice to make other people happy and better and this feels like another sacrifice because his mom guilt tripped him by saying something he already fucking knew (sorry i’m not a fan of dottie). i just don’t get it. how is his happy ending going back to the root of all his problems and staying there? just sucks, really, even if it was always the obvious outcome. sixth, i’m just mad all the signs lead to nowhere. the matchboxes, the army man, the bantr fakeout (will never, ever be over this one), the hotel room fakeout where they cut from rebecca to ted in the room and then he opens the door and it’s sassy, the romcommunism, the soulmatism. it wasn’t all for nothing, of course. their friendship is so important and i love it, but this ending felt like a big fuck you to it too because ted was so…distant. it almost felt like he didn’t care that much that he was leaving rebecca and it makes me super upset. all of this is based on the one-time watch from last night but tbh i don’t know if i can handle watching the episode again right now. it really did hurt, especially the way rebecca looked at him at the airport. tbh nothing can convince me she wasn’t at least a little bit in love with him. and, yes, i know. henry is ted’s everything and that’s so admirable and it’s not all about romance, and it’s not. but just let me believe what i want to believe. let me find the joys in the media i consume and if it’s the hope that two attractive, single, middle aged leads could have gotten with each other in the end and figured out how to be happy together, then so be it. i just hate seeing the hate from all sides, honestly, and a lot of people are legitimately really mean about it when this show is all about being kind. ted lasso is a beautiful series and, at the end of the day, it’s just another piece of media that the audience is free to interpret and pick apart however they want to. me, personally? i will continue to live in my delusional little world where ted and rebecca figure out that they belong together/i will pretend the last 10 minutes of the finale didn’t happen. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[typingdyslexiaisathing]

Pain Worth Feeling (Trigun) fanfiction

content: Someone steps in to protect Vash from a drunk guy who decides to use his fists instead of insults. Resulting in broken ouch and dozens of tears cried. With the clincher being a love confession. Established relationships. Violence of a fistfight. Broken elbow. Mention of serious danger. Mention of blood and violence and death. Romance / family feelings of fluff at the end.

"Walk it off." That was the only warning I gave as I got in between this drunk man and the red coated angel. Said angel looking a mixture of surprised and terrified as the drunkard blinked a few times to then grimace at me. His words hard and angry. "Don't tell me what to do you little bitch! Or you'll get his beating on top of your own!" My feet stayed planted as I braced my spine. My own words laced with seething determination. "I would expect nothing less from an empty man with nothing going for him. Other than pissing beer every morning after he tries drinking himself to Hell."

The silent seconds soon were followed by a bellow and fists coming at me. So I inched back to make sure the red coated angel got scooted back and away from me. My own arms coming up as those fists connected to send molten pain through my bones. More roars of pure hate and anger followed by shouts of fear from behind me. Yet I stayed firmly on my feet and in front of that angel as more blows connected with my arms. The white hot pain dwarfing most of my senses as I focused on staying standing with both arms up to shield my head and chest. While shouts from the bartender got drowned out by the spectators sprinting for the doors.

I knew this was going to end badly. But I refuse to let anything touch that angel I was continuously falling more and more in love with. So I stayed in between that angel and this violence. A snap sounding out when the drunkard took a swing that connected with my left elbow. So I hissed to let that arm fall to my side. But by then, the bartender made his own intentions clear. The sound of his shotgun racking mingling with the angel's gun coming free of the holster. So the drunk had two barrels pointed directly at his head. That angel looking absolutely furious as his other arm came around my frame to move me and hug me tight. While the bartender growled with barely held ire to state, "Terrance... I think we've let you cause trouble for far too long in these parts. So give me the reason I need to splatter what's left of those grey piss brain cells against that wall."

The pain shredded into my everything to almost block out the rest. I could faintly notice how that angel shifted to clock the drunkard in the face with the butt of his gun. Meaning that particular ass was down and out. Then I shuddered from head to toe to let myself go limp into that lithe frame. Thousands of piercing molten needles driving into every cell of my left hand and lower arm to double in volume at my left elbow. Having me nearly pass out to just choose to feign doing so. Those thin arms cradling me against that frame to shift and pick me up like I was glass. Voices drifting against the fog of agony for me to choose to just breathe.

The length of time between being in those arms and being laid down into a bed were hazy and short. Hot salt water dripping onto my face as more voices washed over me. So I said what I felt I needed to, "Knew what was coming and made my own damn choice. No apologies for standing up for an angel against a braying ass." A pause was followed by a gruff chuckle. Then a pinch in my right arm led to blissful unconsciousness. Which lasted for barely a blink before I drifted back into the waking world. Wolfwood was grumping as Vash held my good hand to comment back. So I sighed to then squeeze the hand in mine. "That nap was more of a blink. Shit. Nick? Did Vash tell you not to kill the drunk?"

Wolfwood gave a huff of noise as Vash squeezed my hand back. The broader man answering right away. "Yes. Still wouldn't mind breaking his joints in for touching you. Let alone snapping your elbow. So I might just pay a visit to a certain ass to make a point." My grumble came out as I took note of all the needles in my right arm and the cast on my left arm. Which had me grimace when I flexed those fingers on a test run. making my eyes water from the agony doing such caused. But those fingers did move just fine. So I huffed in air as Vash got his anger back to hiss at me. "You could have been killed! That drunk had a knife on him as well as a gun! Yet you put yourself in harms way regardless! I could have handled it! So why?!"

I let the seconds tick by to then make my point. Finally opening my eyes to stare directly at an angel with tear stains on his face. "Because I am done with letting you end up with scars or bruises or possibly breaking your everything without getting in the way! You have zero rights to tell me off for such! This pain is far better to me than letting one of the two people I love with all I am end up broken or bleeding in front of me!" Both men went still to look absolutely shocked as I let go of that hand in my own. Taking that hand to rub at my eyes as I gave a sob of anguish. "I love both of you! The only reason I care about my day to day and about the future is because I insist that both of you are in it! Nick, you drive me absolutely crazy while I want to hug you tight and never let go! Vash, every moment together has me falling more and more in love! Yet watching either of you fight and have chunks taken off of your hides or blood stain my vision is torture! I accepted that it's inevitable for us to get our asses mauled or singed or dead! I made a choice to stand in front of you and or next to you in life! So don't try to tell me I need to stay behind either of you or let you both leave me behind! We stay together! For as long as we can dig our nails in and grip tight!"

The moment of pause was filled with my sniffles and sobs of pure emotion and pain. My vision to blurry from tears to really see Wolfwood or Vash as I hiccupped a few times. But then Wolfwood moved to sit himself on my left side and lace his arm around my shoulders. A sigh of acceptance washing against my hearing before Vash sat on my other side to dab at my face with tissues. Wolfwood kept me sitting up as Vash gave a sigh of his own to finally speak. "Now I owe Meryll fifty double dollars. I bet that you were falling in love with Nick. Not with me. Guess I really am shit at reading romance queues like she said." Wolfwood gave a rich laugh to then ruffle my hair with his free hand. "Hence why I didn't place any bets. But I did say this stubborn firecracker of a woman would make her damn point eventually. So I'm glad she made the point so clear."

Vash soon tilted my face for our eyes to meet. His own blue hues so full of affection and sadness to then have him try and smile at me. "Silly of me to think that you wouldn't give your all to keep me from getting hurt at some point. Guess I should be thankful it was a stupid drunk ass and not a dozen bounty hunters. I understand. I really do. It's dumb and selfish of me to tell you to not do what I always do. It isn't fair to do that or get angry at you for defending who you love. So I won't say such again. You have every right to risk what we risk. The choices we make are our own. But I will insist that Nick and I teach you how to defend yourself. With fists, knives, a gun and whatever else we think you need to stay alive. But for now. Just try to put up with Nick's sarcasm and my dumb ass." I gave a hard hiccup to then nod my head. Which was the queue for both men to shift so I got group squeezed for them to lay in the bed with me. Vash noting after a long length of time, "So... We going to find odd jobs so I can get more than that fifty double dollars to plan out a date?"

[arsonmurderandjaywalking]

Thinking about my magical girl ocs again. Imagine you're Helena Lichtenberg and you're fourteen and you don't have any friends and your parents don't really care that much about you or your life or what you're doing and you're pretty miserable and pretty mean and every day you're just going through the motions, until— boom, like a lightning strike (ugh, you're really spending too much time around Arin), suddenly you're magic and powerful and important and special and suddenly it feels like you're alive and here and present for the first time in ages. You want to run across rooftops, with electric arcs following you and propelling you forward and so you do, and it's instinctual and right and so much damn fun. You haven't been this giddy in forever. But then you run into two others— girls, your age, and in the exact same situation as you. It stops you in your tracks a bit. Kicks your brain back into gear, and makes you realize, fully, that this is insane and fucking weird. The girl in the red, with the fire and the bad nicknames and enough piercings to set off a metal detector, doesn't seem to realize this yet and is almost more psyched than you were. (the mirror to your own foolhardy emotions makes you uncomfortable.) The girl in the blue, with the ice and who looks like she wants to sink into the ground whenever someone looks at her, seems to have realized how fucking bizarre this all is, and is the one to connect it to the Old Gods and their Champions. The Champion bit, the expectations, is what seems to make her the most uncomfortable. You want to say that that's impossible, but this entire thing is impossible, and it makes the most sense. That revelation brings with it a boatload of questions (why now, why them, why did this stop in the first place, etc.) but none of them you have answers to, so the three of you drop it and leave because it's late and you have school in the morning and you can feel your magic kind of... flicker, just a bit, which makes you nervous, and you don't want to be caught unaware with these strangers who you're cosmically entwined with but still don't know the first thing about. The three of you agree to meet up at the same place the next night, and you try not to think about what's on the horizon and try not to dread having to interact with these strangers.

[cleverhottubmiracle]

Despite its importance, working out can sometimes feel intimidating. But what if we told you that you could reap the health rewards of being physically active without even changing out of your pajamas? “Cozy cardio” is a trendy approach to movement that’s easy and approachable. Keep reading to learn the basics, plus see an expert-curated routine to help you get started!  What is cozy cardio? In 2023, content creator Hope Zuckerbrow posted a viral TikTok video of her morning workout session. Against the backdrop of a dimly-lit living room, Zuckerbrow pours herself a tall glass of ice water, makes a protein coffee and lights scented candles (one of which is aptly named “cozy comfort”). She takes her daily supplements, then steps onto her walking pad wearing fuzzy socks while choosing a TV show to watch during her exercise session.  “I want cozy cardio to be a movement for women to reclaim their relationships with exercise,” Zuckerbrow explained in another video. “Cozy looks different for everyone, but my version looks like ambiance lighting, the flicker of a candle, the taste of my favorite protein coffee or the comfort of the show I’m binging. I just applied that to my exercise.”  @hope_zuckerbrow cozy cardio🫶🏻 #fyp #cardio #cozy #weightloss #walkingpad ♬ Blue Moon – Muspace Lofi The relaxed, inviting approach to exercise resonated with so many people that the TikTok creator’s cozy cardio trend was even featured on the Today show. Health benefits of cozy cardio In any environment and at any intensity level, cardiovascular exercise is crucial for good health and longevity. To summarize its effects briefly, regular aerobic activity protects your heart, plays a vital role in weight management and improves brain function and mental health.  It encourages you to stay active  A cozy cardio workout is meant to encourage you to be physically active in a way that feels satisfying, which makes it easier to maintain healthy habits. Many people have an all-or-nothing attitude toward exercise, believing they either have to commit fully to something they don’t enjoy or feel it’s not worth putting in any effort, explains Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.  “Cozy cardio is basically a way to say, ‘Hey, it’s okay to just move your body in a way that you don’t hate, and it’s actually good for you,’” she says.  When you use language and supporting practices to create a more inviting experience, you’re much more likely to follow through with that experience, adds Kathrine Brown, founder and Certified Coach at Conscious Weight Loss Inc.�� It supports weight loss If weight loss is your goal, consistency is key. You lose weight when you’re in a calorie deficit, which means eating fewer calories than you burn. Cozy cardio can be an ideal way to increase your daily activity levels and burn more calories, explains Matt Dustin, Certified Precision Nutrition Coach and NASM Corrective Exercise Specialist at Garage Gym Reviews.  “When paired with a proper nutrition plan, it’s an easy way to support weight loss while staying comfortable at home,” he says.  However, Brown suggests dropping any expectation of weight loss based solely on the movement you choose for cozy cardio. This expectation may overshadow two key things that are beneficial for weight loss: connecting with your body and improving your digestion, she explains.  Cozy cardio reduces stress By making exercise feel relaxing, cozy cardio can reduce stress levels, says Supatra Tovar, Clinical Psychologist, Registered Dietitian and Certified Pilates Instructor at ANEW. “High stress can increase cortisol, a hormone associated with weight gain, particularly in the abdominal area,” she explains. “Engaging in exercise that is enjoyable and soothing can help lower cortisol levels, creating a hormonal environment more conducive to weight loss.”  How to add cozy cardio to your wellness routine The great thing about cozy cardio is that it’s simple and accessible for almost everyone, says Tovar. If you’re new to cardio, the key is to ease into it while tailoring the details to your personal preferences, she explains. Here’s how to get the full experience: Create your cozy space Start by choosing a quiet area in your home where you feel relaxed, says Tovar. Add elements like soft lighting or a scented candle. Then have your favorite playlist, TV show or podcast ready to accompany your workout. “The goal is to make the space inviting so that you look forward to exercising,” she says.  Wear comfortable clothing Dress in loose, soft or stretchy clothing—whatever makes you feel relaxed and confident, advises Tovar.  Choose your exercise Aim for 10 to15 minutes of movement initially, suggests Tovar. Starting with shorter sessions ensures you don’t feel overwhelmed and allows you to build confidence and stamina over time. While walking on a treadmill is a great starting point since it’s accessible and everyone knows how to do it, you can do any activity you enjoy, says Goldberg.  “Using light equipment that doesn’t feel intimidating, such as a stepper or light dumbbells while watching TV or listening to an audiobook, can also be good ideas,” she says. “Dancing is also a great option for people who are inspired by music. Ultimately, making exercise feel cozy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about finding a way to be active that doesn’t feel dreadful and allowing yourself to feel good about that movement.” A stationary bike, rower or walking pad are excellent options that allow you to enjoy a gentle cardio workout, adds Dustin, and you can adjust the resistance settings to customize the intensity of your workout. If you don’t have any equipment, you can also do low-impact bodyweight workouts like yoga or Pilates, he adds. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[norajworld]

Despite its importance, working out can sometimes feel intimidating. But what if we told you that you could reap the health rewards of being physically active without even changing out of your pajamas? “Cozy cardio” is a trendy approach to movement that’s easy and approachable. Keep reading to learn the basics, plus see an expert-curated routine to help you get started!  What is cozy cardio? In 2023, content creator Hope Zuckerbrow posted a viral TikTok video of her morning workout session. Against the backdrop of a dimly-lit living room, Zuckerbrow pours herself a tall glass of ice water, makes a protein coffee and lights scented candles (one of which is aptly named “cozy comfort”). She takes her daily supplements, then steps onto her walking pad wearing fuzzy socks while choosing a TV show to watch during her exercise session.  “I want cozy cardio to be a movement for women to reclaim their relationships with exercise,” Zuckerbrow explained in another video. “Cozy looks different for everyone, but my version looks like ambiance lighting, the flicker of a candle, the taste of my favorite protein coffee or the comfort of the show I’m binging. I just applied that to my exercise.”  @hope_zuckerbrow cozy cardio🫶🏻 #fyp #cardio #cozy #weightloss #walkingpad ♬ Blue Moon – Muspace Lofi The relaxed, inviting approach to exercise resonated with so many people that the TikTok creator’s cozy cardio trend was even featured on the Today show. Health benefits of cozy cardio In any environment and at any intensity level, cardiovascular exercise is crucial for good health and longevity. To summarize its effects briefly, regular aerobic activity protects your heart, plays a vital role in weight management and improves brain function and mental health.  It encourages you to stay active  A cozy cardio workout is meant to encourage you to be physically active in a way that feels satisfying, which makes it easier to maintain healthy habits. Many people have an all-or-nothing attitude toward exercise, believing they either have to commit fully to something they don’t enjoy or feel it’s not worth putting in any effort, explains Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.  “Cozy cardio is basically a way to say, ‘Hey, it’s okay to just move your body in a way that you don’t hate, and it’s actually good for you,’” she says.  When you use language and supporting practices to create a more inviting experience, you’re much more likely to follow through with that experience, adds Kathrine Brown, founder and Certified Coach at Conscious Weight Loss Inc.  It supports weight loss If weight loss is your goal, consistency is key. You lose weight when you’re in a calorie deficit, which means eating fewer calories than you burn. Cozy cardio can be an ideal way to increase your daily activity levels and burn more calories, explains Matt Dustin, Certified Precision Nutrition Coach and NASM Corrective Exercise Specialist at Garage Gym Reviews.  “When paired with a proper nutrition plan, it’s an easy way to support weight loss while staying comfortable at home,” he says.  However, Brown suggests dropping any expectation of weight loss based solely on the movement you choose for cozy cardio. This expectation may overshadow two key things that are beneficial for weight loss: connecting with your body and improving your digestion, she explains.  Cozy cardio reduces stress By making exercise feel relaxing, cozy cardio can reduce stress levels, says Supatra Tovar, Clinical Psychologist, Registered Dietitian and Certified Pilates Instructor at ANEW. “High stress can increase cortisol, a hormone associated with weight gain, particularly in the abdominal area,” she explains. “Engaging in exercise that is enjoyable and soothing can help lower cortisol levels, creating a hormonal environment more conducive to weight loss.”  How to add cozy cardio to your wellness routine The great thing about cozy cardio is that it’s simple and accessible for almost everyone, says Tovar. If you’re new to cardio, the key is to ease into it while tailoring the details to your personal preferences, she explains. Here’s how to get the full experience: Create your cozy space Start by choosing a quiet area in your home where you feel relaxed, says Tovar. Add elements like soft lighting or a scented candle. Then have your favorite playlist, TV show or podcast ready to accompany your workout. “The goal is to make the space inviting so that you look forward to exercising,” she says.  Wear comfortable clothing Dress in loose, soft or stretchy clothing—whatever makes you feel relaxed and confident, advises Tovar.  Choose your exercise Aim for 10 to15 minutes of movement initially, suggests Tovar. Starting with shorter sessions ensures you don’t feel overwhelmed and allows you to build confidence and stamina over time. While walking on a treadmill is a great starting point since it’s accessible and everyone knows how to do it, you can do any activity you enjoy, says Goldberg.  “Using light equipment that doesn’t feel intimidating, such as a stepper or light dumbbells while watching TV or listening to an audiobook, can also be good ideas,” she says. “Dancing is also a great option for people who are inspired by music. Ultimately, making exercise feel cozy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about finding a way to be active that doesn’t feel dreadful and allowing yourself to feel good about that movement.” A stationary bike, rower or walking pad are excellent options that allow you to enjoy a gentle cardio workout, adds Dustin, and you can adjust the resistance settings to customize the intensity of your workout. If you don’t have any equipment, you can also do low-impact bodyweight workouts like yoga or Pilates, he adds. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[ellajme0]

Despite its importance, working out can sometimes feel intimidating. But what if we told you that you could reap the health rewards of being physically active without even changing out of your pajamas? “Cozy cardio” is a trendy approach to movement that’s easy and approachable. Keep reading to learn the basics, plus see an expert-curated routine to help you get started!  What is cozy cardio? In 2023, content creator Hope Zuckerbrow posted a viral TikTok video of her morning workout session. Against the backdrop of a dimly-lit living room, Zuckerbrow pours herself a tall glass of ice water, makes a protein coffee and lights scented candles (one of which is aptly named “cozy comfort”). She takes her daily supplements, then steps onto her walking pad wearing fuzzy socks while choosing a TV show to watch during her exercise session.  “I want cozy cardio to be a movement for women to reclaim their relationships with exercise,” Zuckerbrow explained in another video. “Cozy looks different for everyone, but my version looks like ambiance lighting, the flicker of a candle, the taste of my favorite protein coffee or the comfort of the show I’m binging. I just applied that to my exercise.”  @hope_zuckerbrow cozy cardio🫶🏻 #fyp #cardio #cozy #weightloss #walkingpad ♬ Blue Moon – Muspace Lofi The relaxed, inviting approach to exercise resonated with so many people that the TikTok creator’s cozy cardio trend was even featured on the Today show. Health benefits of cozy cardio In any environment and at any intensity level, cardiovascular exercise is crucial for good health and longevity. To summarize its effects briefly, regular aerobic activity protects your heart, plays a vital role in weight management and improves brain function and mental health.  It encourages you to stay active  A cozy cardio workout is meant to encourage you to be physically active in a way that feels satisfying, which makes it easier to maintain healthy habits. Many people have an all-or-nothing attitude toward exercise, believing they either have to commit fully to something they don’t enjoy or feel it’s not worth putting in any effort, explains Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.  “Cozy cardio is basically a way to say, ‘Hey, it’s okay to just move your body in a way that you don’t hate, and it’s actually good for you,’” she says.  When you use language and supporting practices to create a more inviting experience, you’re much more likely to follow through with that experience, adds Kathrine Brown, founder and Certified Coach at Conscious Weight Loss Inc.  It supports weight loss If weight loss is your goal, consistency is key. You lose weight when you’re in a calorie deficit, which means eating fewer calories than you burn. Cozy cardio can be an ideal way to increase your daily activity levels and burn more calories, explains Matt Dustin, Certified Precision Nutrition Coach and NASM Corrective Exercise Specialist at Garage Gym Reviews.  “When paired with a proper nutrition plan, it’s an easy way to support weight loss while staying comfortable at home,” he says.  However, Brown suggests dropping any expectation of weight loss based solely on the movement you choose for cozy cardio. This expectation may overshadow two key things that are beneficial for weight loss: connecting with your body and improving your digestion, she explains.  Cozy cardio reduces stress By making exercise feel relaxing, cozy cardio can reduce stress levels, says Supatra Tovar, Clinical Psychologist, Registered Dietitian and Certified Pilates Instructor at ANEW. “High stress can increase cortisol, a hormone associated with weight gain, particularly in the abdominal area,” she explains. “Engaging in exercise that is enjoyable and soothing can help lower cortisol levels, creating a hormonal environment more conducive to weight loss.”  How to add cozy cardio to your wellness routine The great thing about cozy cardio is that it’s simple and accessible for almost everyone, says Tovar. If you’re new to cardio, the key is to ease into it while tailoring the details to your personal preferences, she explains. Here’s how to get the full experience: Create your cozy space Start by choosing a quiet area in your home where you feel relaxed, says Tovar. Add elements like soft lighting or a scented candle. Then have your favorite playlist, TV show or podcast ready to accompany your workout. “The goal is to make the space inviting so that you look forward to exercising,” she says.  Wear comfortable clothing Dress in loose, soft or stretchy clothing—whatever makes you feel relaxed and confident, advises Tovar.  Choose your exercise Aim for 10 to15 minutes of movement initially, suggests Tovar. Starting with shorter sessions ensures you don’t feel overwhelmed and allows you to build confidence and stamina over time. While walking on a treadmill is a great starting point since it’s accessible and everyone knows how to do it, you can do any activity you enjoy, says Goldberg.  “Using light equipment that doesn’t feel intimidating, such as a stepper or light dumbbells while watching TV or listening to an audiobook, can also be good ideas,” she says. “Dancing is also a great option for people who are inspired by music. Ultimately, making exercise feel cozy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about finding a way to be active that doesn’t feel dreadful and allowing yourself to feel good about that movement.” A stationary bike, rower or walking pad are excellent options that allow you to enjoy a gentle cardio workout, adds Dustin, and you can adjust the resistance settings to customize the intensity of your workout. If you don’t have any equipment, you can also do low-impact bodyweight workouts like yoga or Pilates, he adds. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[chilimili212]

Despite its importance, working out can sometimes feel intimidating. But what if we told you that you could reap the health rewards of being physically active without even changing out of your pajamas? “Cozy cardio” is a trendy approach to movement that’s easy and approachable. Keep reading to learn the basics, plus see an expert-curated routine to help you get started!  What is cozy cardio? In 2023, content creator Hope Zuckerbrow posted a viral TikTok video of her morning workout session. Against the backdrop of a dimly-lit living room, Zuckerbrow pours herself a tall glass of ice water, makes a protein coffee and lights scented candles (one of which is aptly named “cozy comfort”). She takes her daily supplements, then steps onto her walking pad wearing fuzzy socks while choosing a TV show to watch during her exercise session.  “I want cozy cardio to be a movement for women to reclaim their relationships with exercise,” Zuckerbrow explained in another video. “Cozy looks different for everyone, but my version looks like ambiance lighting, the flicker of a candle, the taste of my favorite protein coffee or the comfort of the show I’m binging. I just applied that to my exercise.”  @hope_zuckerbrow cozy cardio🫶🏻 #fyp #cardio #cozy #weightloss #walkingpad ♬ Blue Moon – Muspace Lofi The relaxed, inviting approach to exercise resonated with so many people that the TikTok creator’s cozy cardio trend was even featured on the Today show. Health benefits of cozy cardio In any environment and at any intensity level, cardiovascular exercise is crucial for good health and longevity. To summarize its effects briefly, regular aerobic activity protects your heart, plays a vital role in weight management and improves brain function and mental health.  It encourages you to stay active  A cozy cardio workout is meant to encourage you to be physically active in a way that feels satisfying, which makes it easier to maintain healthy habits. Many people have an all-or-nothing attitude toward exercise, believing they either have to commit fully to something they don’t enjoy or feel it’s not worth putting in any effort, explains Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.  “Cozy cardio is basically a way to say, ‘Hey, it’s okay to just move your body in a way that you don’t hate, and it’s actually good for you,’” she says.  When you use language and supporting practices to create a more inviting experience, you’re much more likely to follow through with that experience, adds Kathrine Brown, founder and Certified Coach at Conscious Weight Loss Inc.  It supports weight loss If weight loss is your goal, consistency is key. You lose weight when you’re in a calorie deficit, which means eating fewer calories than you burn. Cozy cardio can be an ideal way to increase your daily activity levels and burn more calories, explains Matt Dustin, Certified Precision Nutrition Coach and NASM Corrective Exercise Specialist at Garage Gym Reviews.  “When paired with a proper nutrition plan, it’s an easy way to support weight loss while staying comfortable at home,” he says.  However, Brown suggests dropping any expectation of weight loss based solely on the movement you choose for cozy cardio. This expectation may overshadow two key things that are beneficial for weight loss: connecting with your body and improving your digestion, she explains.  Cozy cardio reduces stress By making exercise feel relaxing, cozy cardio can reduce stress levels, says Supatra Tovar, Clinical Psychologist, Registered Dietitian and Certified Pilates Instructor at ANEW. “High stress can increase cortisol, a hormone associated with weight gain, particularly in the abdominal area,” she explains. “Engaging in exercise that is enjoyable and soothing can help lower cortisol levels, creating a hormonal environment more conducive to weight loss.”  How to add cozy cardio to your wellness routine The great thing about cozy cardio is that it’s simple and accessible for almost everyone, says Tovar. If you’re new to cardio, the key is to ease into it while tailoring the details to your personal preferences, she explains. Here’s how to get the full experience: Create your cozy space Start by choosing a quiet area in your home where you feel relaxed, says Tovar. Add elements like soft lighting or a scented candle. Then have your favorite playlist, TV show or podcast ready to accompany your workout. “The goal is to make the space inviting so that you look forward to exercising,” she says.  Wear comfortable clothing Dress in loose, soft or stretchy clothing—whatever makes you feel relaxed and confident, advises Tovar.  Choose your exercise Aim for 10 to15 minutes of movement initially, suggests Tovar. Starting with shorter sessions ensures you don’t feel overwhelmed and allows you to build confidence and stamina over time. While walking on a treadmill is a great starting point since it’s accessible and everyone knows how to do it, you can do any activity you enjoy, says Goldberg.  “Using light equipment that doesn’t feel intimidating, such as a stepper or light dumbbells while watching TV or listening to an audiobook, can also be good ideas,” she says. “Dancing is also a great option for people who are inspired by music. Ultimately, making exercise feel cozy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about finding a way to be active that doesn’t feel dreadful and allowing yourself to feel good about that movement.” A stationary bike, rower or walking pad are excellent options that allow you to enjoy a gentle cardio workout, adds Dustin, and you can adjust the resistance settings to customize the intensity of your workout. If you don’t have any equipment, you can also do low-impact bodyweight workouts like yoga or Pilates, he adds. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[oliviajoyice21]

Despite its importance, working out can sometimes feel intimidating. But what if we told you that you could reap the health rewards of being physically active without even changing out of your pajamas? “Cozy cardio” is a trendy approach to movement that’s easy and approachable. Keep reading to learn the basics, plus see an expert-curated routine to help you get started!  What is cozy cardio? In 2023, content creator Hope Zuckerbrow posted a viral TikTok video of her morning workout session. Against the backdrop of a dimly-lit living room, Zuckerbrow pours herself a tall glass of ice water, makes a protein coffee and lights scented candles (one of which is aptly named “cozy comfort”). She takes her daily supplements, then steps onto her walking pad wearing fuzzy socks while choosing a TV show to watch during her exercise session.  “I want cozy cardio to be a movement for women to reclaim their relationships with exercise,” Zuckerbrow explained in another video. “Cozy looks different for everyone, but my version looks like ambiance lighting, the flicker of a candle, the taste of my favorite protein coffee or the comfort of the show I’m binging. I just applied that to my exercise.”  @hope_zuckerbrow cozy cardio🫶🏻 #fyp #cardio #cozy #weightloss #walkingpad ♬ Blue Moon – Muspace Lofi The relaxed, inviting approach to exercise resonated with so many people that the TikTok creator’s cozy cardio trend was even featured on the Today show. Health benefits of cozy cardio In any environment and at any intensity level, cardiovascular exercise is crucial for good health and longevity. To summarize its effects briefly, regular aerobic activity protects your heart, plays a vital role in weight management and improves brain function and mental health.  It encourages you to stay active  A cozy cardio workout is meant to encourage you to be physically active in a way that feels satisfying, which makes it easier to maintain healthy habits. Many people have an all-or-nothing attitude toward exercise, believing they either have to commit fully to something they don’t enjoy or feel it’s not worth putting in any effort, explains Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.  “Cozy cardio is basically a way to say, ‘Hey, it’s okay to just move your body in a way that you don’t hate, and it’s actually good for you,’” she says.  When you use language and supporting practices to create a more inviting experience, you’re much more likely to follow through with that experience, adds Kathrine Brown, founder and Certified Coach at Conscious Weight Loss Inc.  It supports weight loss If weight loss is your goal, consistency is key. You lose weight when you’re in a calorie deficit, which means eating fewer calories than you burn. Cozy cardio can be an ideal way to increase your daily activity levels and burn more calories, explains Matt Dustin, Certified Precision Nutrition Coach and NASM Corrective Exercise Specialist at Garage Gym Reviews.  “When paired with a proper nutrition plan, it’s an easy way to support weight loss while staying comfortable at home,” he says.  However, Brown suggests dropping any expectation of weight loss based solely on the movement you choose for cozy cardio. This expectation may overshadow two key things that are beneficial for weight loss: connecting with your body and improving your digestion, she explains.  Cozy cardio reduces stress By making exercise feel relaxing, cozy cardio can reduce stress levels, says Supatra Tovar, Clinical Psychologist, Registered Dietitian and Certified Pilates Instructor at ANEW. “High stress can increase cortisol, a hormone associated with weight gain, particularly in the abdominal area,” she explains. “Engaging in exercise that is enjoyable and soothing can help lower cortisol levels, creating a hormonal environment more conducive to weight loss.”  How to add cozy cardio to your wellness routine The great thing about cozy cardio is that it’s simple and accessible for almost everyone, says Tovar. If you’re new to cardio, the key is to ease into it while tailoring the details to your personal preferences, she explains. Here’s how to get the full experience: Create your cozy space Start by choosing a quiet area in your home where you feel relaxed, says Tovar. Add elements like soft lighting or a scented candle. Then have your favorite playlist, TV show or podcast ready to accompany your workout. “The goal is to make the space inviting so that you look forward to exercising,” she says.  Wear comfortable clothing Dress in loose, soft or stretchy clothing—whatever makes you feel relaxed and confident, advises Tovar.  Choose your exercise Aim for 10 to15 minutes of movement initially, suggests Tovar. Starting with shorter sessions ensures you don’t feel overwhelmed and allows you to build confidence and stamina over time. While walking on a treadmill is a great starting point since it’s accessible and everyone knows how to do it, you can do any activity you enjoy, says Goldberg.  “Using light equipment that doesn’t feel intimidating, such as a stepper or light dumbbells while watching TV or listening to an audiobook, can also be good ideas,” she says. “Dancing is also a great option for people who are inspired by music. Ultimately, making exercise feel cozy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about finding a way to be active that doesn’t feel dreadful and allowing yourself to feel good about that movement.” A stationary bike, rower or walking pad are excellent options that allow you to enjoy a gentle cardio workout, adds Dustin, and you can adjust the resistance settings to customize the intensity of your workout. If you don’t have any equipment, you can also do low-impact bodyweight workouts like yoga or Pilates, he adds. This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[headgoaround]

Sleep comes as relief, like a downpour in the heat, tearing apart

the stuffiness and lies. Whirlpools of seething streams carry away the past.

From under the thick veil of alienation, the light of

consciousness flares up like weak lightning, beckoning unity to life, and when it takes shape, the darkness melts, giving way to light.

Suddenly, leaving no doubt, a sense of peace is born! I am not there, - and here I am in it.

I live, I wake up!

    The colorless August morning ate the roofs like cotton wool of fog, as if they were floating houses.

In the silent sky, the reviving day melted like shaggy mirages…

 “If you don’t look out the window,” the thought flashed,

“you can force yourself to believe that the ball doesn’t exist.”

The ball hung, sadly rolling with its dull sides

In the milk of fog, its whole appearance causing melancholy.

It seemed that the satellite was very close, between the window

and the parallelepiped house.   "The form of perspective

visual spectral changes in spatial

layers of unstable volumes..." - the informant of the universal memory block screeched in the itchy ears.   "So, this

"saucepan" has been here for no more than an hour, otherwise it would have eaten up the block field, -

surfaced in the brain, - now the most important thing is to strengthen the logical connections of the control

of the damn iron." Cursing all the machine arenas in the world,

trying not to make rash movements, he began to pull on the jumpsuit beating with modulated discharges. The memory block began to abstract, blurring with deformed

names of previously familiar objects, stretching them in verbal rapid-fire.

I had to rush about, catching my gaze on the hummocks and islands of "materiality"

around, which retained the visual-verbal meaning in the "compote", which spread like a quagmire

jelly from the objective world in the "zone".

"Well, the infection," he thought with hatred, "will this continue, will it rain or snow."

The dull appearance of the ball was becoming more and more irritating. "It will end with having to switch the logic of machine thinking to speculative modeling," he thought. "Then, it's all over, the ball will get out of control."

"And it will start, cooking "manna from heaven"! What will happen to the air currents

It's hard to imagine, because the program will go according to the lunar calendar, damn it..." - he did not have time to hiss, shuddering from an unexpected call.

" - Hello, old man, what are you..."?

Stunned by the call, he only now noticed that he was unsuccessfully trying to close the hatch of the station, which had turned into an ordinary door before his eyes. Someone was standing on the threshold, like two peas in a pod, similar to himself - only it was a woman... The ball, swaying, dived to the side and sank into "oblivion".

  "- Uh... - the unfortunate one drawled, - uh... a woman in the "zone"! - almost sobbing,

he groaned. The damned ball duplicated Eve from him!

The worst thing was that if they did not find a way out, they would have to play out the biblical story from beginning to end!

[nathank77]

11/5/25

11:07 a.m

Sleep was unexpectedly wonderful last night. I fell asleep fast on my normal dosage. Maybe it's cause I worked out.... I mean but I was at the gym at like 9:30 in the morning until around 11 a.m. I'm just glad I slept well..

I'm doing laundry which is annoying... I cleaned the dryer. I have my towels in. I got about 3 loads... but I want to do my bedding.. I don't think it's possible... imma see what i can accomplish. I hope it is.

As I usually do, I'd do the laundry today, my normal clothing and then I'd do the bedding the day after... but I got to go to the gym tomorrow before my testosterone shot. I want to go to the gym now but I'm actually sore from the gym. Mostly my legs. A little in my arms and shoulders. I'm targeting my arms, shoulders, pecs, and that's it right now. Hopefully my stomach fat falls off and then I'll work on abs.... if not that's cool I'll be adorable no matter how my body looks in a couple months. I wish I could go today but I can't lose the time bc I got to stay on the laundry machines...

Riley peed in the house after going outside.... Idk why it's not like her at this point. And she peed in the kitchen... also not like her. She does it in the living room. I wish my mother would rehome her. Her aid is here now and all she's doing is barking and whining. It makes my at home situation stressful. I love going to the gym, I don't have to be at my house. But I hate running and unfortunately it's important.

I'm still thinking about chlorestoral medication... idk what to do... I don't want gout. It's caused by a build up of uric acid.... Certian chlorestoral medications cause it. And my cardiologist isn't a bloodwork guy... maybe i could ask for a drug to lower uric acid... but then I have two drugs that cause side effects lol

Also I was thinking muscle pain is a side effect of most medications like dry mouth... but the statins are scary bc they can cause myopathy... and just the idea of it triggers anxiety.

I've had a few muscle spasms the last couple days. I'd blame the statin but as of tomorrow it's been a week since I took it. From my research it could be a couple things causing the spasms and muscle related issues from statins. Coq10... which is why I went to 30mg... also ca+ leaks... I have a feeling I'm a ca+ leaker... my Dr is urging me to try something else. They believe I'm statin intolerant.

Unfortunately I don't really know bc my anxiety is so high that it doesn't stand a chance. I can almost make my muscles spasms if I think too hard about it. It sucks.

My wrist still hurts. My scan still isnt covered. I have to try to get assistance.... I might call my dad today or tomorrow not for money just to talk bc our conversation went so well last time. I want to connect with someone.

I still want to share my brain scan with someone. I also wish I had a disc drive for my Mac... it sucks.... I had to go out to a place to view my brain scan. Also it seems like they missed one side of my head but idk it could just be position... bc they were looking at my ears.. and they got the top, back, side, all kinds of pictures. I've been having fun identifying anatomy parts on my scan but I really wish I could use the program on my Mac. I just don't have the money to get a disc drive and then when I think what else could I use it for?

1) nothing. No one uses cds anymore. I'd never watch a movie on my Mac unless my electric was out but then I wouldn't watch a movie on my Mac bc it would be a power source to charge my phone.......... I mean disc drives are getting phased out. I have apple music and even if I didn't.... id use YouTube or Spotify........ so if I got a disc drive it would only be for my brain scan...

I had bad anxiety last night. I always have bad anxiety. It was like once all my daily stuff was done and I ate and started to relax I was stuck in my barricade with my shitty mother. And yea

[wiktorianala]

Ma yapping about a game I just finished if anyone would care (and probably at some point getting out of topic, so just starting to talk about other stuffs)\/

Ok, so I just finished dsaf3 "good ending" and... what the fuck. Just to make things straight I accually replayed it 2nd time now, because 1st time was few hours ago, in the morning with no sleep so my brain was almost turned off, so ending seemed, not really interesting, nor emotional, at least not as much as innternet maked it seem, so that's why I just replayed it from last save (I just woke up so brain working just finey) and OH MY GOD WHO LET THIS MAN COOK? Like I've gotta say, I thought that I was "crying" hard over "evil route" (because honestly it not really made me cry but rather left me sad as fuck and not knowing what to do with myself), but holy shit after this thing I genuelly was in front of screen crying like a little fuckin baby (and stil left not knowing what to do with myself). I don't really think any game ever made me cry this hard, nah I bet I could say any piece of media. Gosh even now I want to cry again. Anyway I honestly was suprised that part that mostly break me was not the after battle with henry on flipside, but rather, at the end just thos tumbstones and all. Maybe because it all just cumulated at the end, I dunno. Honestly it's surelly gotta be for me one of thos games, for which I wish I could erase my memory, just to expirience them once more for first time. Closest to this might be when I'll finally get out of phase for it, for a longer time, just to replay entire serie again. Gotta say that arter palying all mayor routes from all 3 games (+ quite a few smaller ones) this serie surelly jumps into "fave games" category, right under portal2 (which is hightest place a game for me can go, because srry, but I hold very nostalgic connection for portal, and even if I'll find a game that I'll like more, thare's just like, I dunno a part of me saying "nostalgia at first place" so I can do shit about it), and that means I really fckn enjoyed it, because for now my faves only had "tier one (AKA. portal2)", and "tier two" wich was rest of my fave games, and now it has tier one (still the same), tier two which now include dsaf and tier three which is rest of faves (and if someone's interested "how much games are then here rn in total", answear would be... lemme check, It's five games in total on my fave list or more like "tha ultimate fave ones", and it's not because I play not many games, but rather that I rarelly find games that strike me in the way that, I don't know how to put it into words. I guess I just rarelly find "that one" type of stuff). Wait... didn't I get off topic? Hard to say. Ok, so anyway I really enjoyed it despite all of the cryies that occured ( and by this I mean not only 3rd game but honestly entire franchise because on "good ending" in 2nd game I broke too, and on just as I said somewhere before on "evil route" in 3rd too (on first one not thought, but it doesn't make me like it less) ( but no matter what 3rd is surelly my fave out of all)). And when I'll put my mind together , I'll think about concept for fanart (just like with evil route, a fanart directly of an specific ending) and maybe in spare time will make some doodles ( I'll have to think about in which art style it'll be(or wich one will fit it the best)). I know- I know I tend to make quite a lot (at least for my standards) arts from dsaf, BUT IT'S MY CURRENT FIXATION SO, I'M SORRRRRY. I guess next game I'll be playing will be dialtown, but for that to happen i want it to get on sale (just, so I could buy base game with dlc in price of just base (I know it don't work that way but I don't care))Yeah so ummm, that's all? I guess yes. Just like last time I bet noones reading that(and I don't mind it, after all I'm the one who decides to don't add tags to any just txt type of post, just so it won't pop up at any random person page, god it would feel awkward, especially looking at the point that I'm just writing the way that I would talk to someone so "first thing that comes to mind get noted" so after some amount of time, stuffs that I write feel really stupid/cringey. Shit I'm off topic again) Anyway, Byee~*