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ma’s old singer
#severus snape does not like mothers day#but hope yall had a good one!#(so i absolutely love vintage sewing machines i own 3 and here is fanart of em#theyre such beautiful machines and yet always look somewhat melancholic?? do u kno what i mean do u see the vision#severus snape#eileen snape#eileen prince#snape#hp fanart#mine#PS I WISH I HAD ALL THE TIME TO DRAW#employment is evil actly
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Prepare for the unexpected. (DPxDC)
Everyone knew about the reign of Pariah Dark. Even those who did not dabble in those realms have heard the tale of the tyrant. A power-hungry man who ruled over the dead with an iron fist.
Following the rise of Pariah Dark, his realm had been effectively cut off from communication. Many mystics and magic users knew better than to open the door of nightmares that could arise if Pariah Dark's reach went further than his own realm.
Except, the universe had plans to bring the realm of the dead back into the cards.
A new opponent, one that had all of Earth's heroes scrambling for options. A being with powers of a god over weather, destruction was on the horizon. A world ending threat.
It's the only reason the Justice League was doing this. In a deep bunker, far from close civilization as a precaution, the heroes looked on with grim expressions.
The world was already being threatened. It would be destroyed regardless of what the league did. So it only made sense to make the last ditch effort. To summon someone strong enough to defeat the threat.
No one wanted to do it. No one wanted to be the one to pull the realm of the dead back to the living. The consequences were untold if this succeeded. If Pariah Dark was freed and defeated the threat, whose to say he won't want control?
That was a problem for later. For the aftermath. For now, the league could only watch on with bated breath as Constantine completely the summon ritual.
They watched on as the shadows in the room seemed to darken and grow. As the sigil sputtered to life with a glow that was growing increasingly brighter. A sudden gust of wind rushed through the room, the temperature began to drop with eaching ticking second.
And then it was all gone.
The room stood perfectly still. Just as it had been moments before. Nothing changed. No giant king standing before them, no sign that the ritual worked.
The room stood deadly still for another beat before the murmurs started. The team trying to make sense of the situation, figure out what went wrong.
Constantine swore up and down that this was the correct ritual, taking offense that they would even think the problem was on his end. It only made it better when it finally happened.
A loud sound ripped through the room, pulling everyone's attention back to the summoning circle. Just in time to see a tear appear in the space above the circle.
A thin tear that ran the length of eight feet. The fabric of the dimension seems to curl at the edges, pulling back to reveal a deep glowing swirl of greens. A dark gloved hand reached through, fingers curling around the edge of the tear, stretching it even further.
A portal. The ritual had worked, but there had been a delay. A delay that had every hero nerves on edge. Each team member tensed, weapons at the ready as they watched the being stretch the portal to the right size.
Then, a foot stepped out with a heavy thud. A dark boot that looked otherworldly despite its similarity to mortal clothing. A deep black that seemed never-ending. A second foot quickly followed before a full body emerged from the portal.
Not many people in the room have ever seen Pariah Dark, let alone know what to expect. Based on what Constantine and Zatara had said, this wasn't Pariah Dark.
A man had stepped out of the portal, standing at almost seven feet tall, and built like a brick house. One glance at the glowing white hair, deadly red eyes, and shard teeth was enough to know this being was not to be messed with.
But there was no giant show of armor or royal garbs. There is no large crown at the top of his head or jewelry from the infinite realms laced around his neck.
Instead, the man stood before them in combat boots, worn-in ripped jeans, a graphic t-shirt, and a spiked leather jacket. Despite his almost normal clothing choice, the man's jacket seemed to be a never-ending depth of the dark night sky. If one was to look closely enough, the cosmos could almost be made out in the sea of darkness.
None of that would have prepared them for when the man spoke. His tone sounded more bored than anything as he took a step forward.
"Oh, so now you need the help of the dead." The man had spoken, running a hand through his hair. When Batman took a step forward to speak, the man raised a hand. Immediately commanding silence in the single gesture. "I'm on babysitting duty and have yet to have a cup of coffee. I'll be right back."
Just like that, both the man and portal vanished into thin air. Leaving behind a group of stunned heroes. Not only was the man not Pariah Dark, but he was also supposedly babysitting.
"Did that just-"
The Flash had been the first voice to speak up, his eyes trained on where the man had once stood. Except he had barely made it through the first few words before the man was suddenly back.
The man that now had a child hanging off his shoulders and another teen being held up by his scruff. Unlike the man, these kids looked human.
Too human for Bruce's liking. The dark black hair and bright blue eyes had every heroes eyes flickering to Batman for just the briefest moment.
"This isn't fair! I'm not even the king. Why do I have to be here!" The teenager had been complaining the moment the man had reappeared. Arms crossed tight over his chest and seemingly used to being held dangling. "Besides, who brings kids to a show down! Wait til I tell mom about this."
"Aw, come on, Danny. This is gonna be fun!!" The younger girl seemed in much better spirits than the teen, Danny. She had climbed up the large man, sitting on his shoulders and resting her arms on the mess of glowing hair. "It's like take your kids to work day! Ooo, Dan! Can we fight too!?"
Unlike the two kids, the man looked purely exhausted and annoyed. The man, Dan, dropped Danny like a sack of potatoes as he took a long drink from the travel cup in his hand.
It didn't take a genius to recognize the look of an exhausted parent in Dan's expression. A look many of the league members were well acquainted to. A look that even had Batman grimacing with sympathy.
"Can it, little shits. You two were grounded, remember." Dan had growled at the kids before shifting his focus back on the team of heroes before them. His glowing eyes set in a deadly glare. "Pariah Dark isn't coming, and he never will. He's been dethroned and banished. We're the best you've got."
A summoning that started with a group of on edge and scared heroes looking for the ghost king, ended in a way no one expected.
No one was even sure if it made any sense. They weren't sure if they should feel hopeful or in despair.
Because truly, what was a ghostly man with two seemingly human children against a godlike foe with the control over the weather?
The unspoken question of power and ability seemed to vanish following Dan downing the metal travel cup of coffee, and crushing it in his fist.
He tossed it to the side, straighting up his posture as he looked over the heroes. Dan might not be a hero, but he's been playing family for too long.
An almost feral, bloodhungry grin spread across the man's face, sharp fangs on full display. The look made the man suddenly look even less human. He looked closer to a demon from the pits of hell rather than the exhausted parent he looked just a few seconds ago.
"Point me in the direction of this bastard. It's been too long since I let loose and had some fun."
#danny phantom#danny fenton#phandom#dc x dp#batman#dcxdp#dp x dc#dp x dc au#dp x dc crossover#justice league#I've been toying with the idea of following Pariah Dark's end the zone abolished the idea of a one true king#instead setting up a counsel of the most trusted ghosts and deities with in the zone; including Pandora and Clockwork#I also like to vote for Technus to be on the counsel and Ghostwriter to be like the secretary/note taker#after Ghostwriter stopped being an asshole ofc ofc#I kinda have this list of specific details I've created for this idea and like I keep thinking up new ones#like the Phamily's backstory is somewhat canon complaint with the show but also a whole mess of complex shit#like the expanse of Danny turning into phantom and the events that occurred still did except technically they never did#it's clockwork's time mumbo jumbo type of shit#Ellie had to be deaged some to help stabilize her core so I'm roughly saying she's like 7-8 years old#but idk children so idk how a 7-8 year old actually looks or how they usually act or talk#The JL seriously don't know if they should be hopeful or not but Dan's grin and excitement makes it seem more promising#I like to imagine Bruce is just watching Dan with Ellie and Danny trying to figure out if he's actually a good father or not#people being surprised to find out that Ellie Danny and Dan are all technically orphaned siblings#while Dan is just trying to coparent his siblings with the help of a time god an earth goddess a princess and a dirtbag with a motorcycle#dan phantom#ellie phantom#I can go on and on so I'll force myself to stop now#long post
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hello kitty fit
#good GODDDD i've been workin on this for like 2 weeks probably idk. it's... okay 😭😭#maybe i'll come back to it at some point idk idkkkk. i just rly needed to *finish* smthn gaaaaahhhh#the void given form#sawamura haruka#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza#hoping to god i still somewhat like how this looks when i wake up 😭😭😭😭😭
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- sherlock holmes ↳ for @crvwly
#good omens#good omens edit#goodomensedit#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#azcrow#aziracrow#aziraphale x crowley#david tennant#michael sheen#gomens#guys i truly am just. so so proud of this set ESPECIALLY the last gif#look at that and tell me its not the best thing ive ever made#anyway! hope this is at least somewhat similar to what you had in mind#crvwly#myedits#mygifs
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my ACEN tip gimmick has been fulfilled, aaand i got a little carried away with it. I haven't had time to draw for myself (or at all, really??) in like two weeks, i needed to Doodle and Have Fun. ... also, i did not think he would get so many donuts. people understand the value of giving treats to fictional characters :) its what he deserves
also shoutout to snazzyskeletons who had the same Tip Theme i did. we took pictures with our tip jars together. they are adorable v
i'm glad their vash got some donut money too :) 🍩 please check them out if you want some cute trigun stuff
#trigun#trigun 98#art#doodles#trigun fanart#fanart#acen 2024#vash#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#i get paid and vash gets um. tummy hurty i guess. look donuts are like strawberries you gotta eat that shit IMMEDIATELY ok#i love you people who gave vash donut money. i love you people who gave me little trinkets. i especially love you#vash cosplayer with a giant prop gun full of teenie tiny clay donuts. thank you for the donut i put it by my mini vash funko pop#i met so many nice trigun fans. all of you are so NICE ; - ; LOVELY fandom over here. and so many good cosplays#i saw wolfwood. i dont mean i saw a wolfwood cosplayer i mean i Saw Wolfwood It Was Him In Real Life I Swear#i dont think vash ever actually wears his glasses up on his head like that but i think it looks nice so i will keep doing it#he has cool glasses. they should be seen. cool glasses and eyelashes. mwah#i have a somewhat cool wolfwood illustration idea in my head but i just haven't had time to work on it at all#and i want to draw the insurance girls !!!!!! AAAA. MILLY. MILLY I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!! MILLYYYY#GOD i have so much art to work on. they need to invent a days with more hours in it#yeah i'm making steady and good progress through my to do-list but I Need To Get Through It Faster#anyway its 6am i need to schedule this and go to bed already#one more thank you to everyone who stopped by and said hello!!! ACEN was such a blast i hope i get in the AA again next year
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I decided there was not enough Alfons content in the world, so I made more
Don't pay attention to what Kate is doing
#i have no idea how strict tumblr is so cropped it just to make sure#this was very spontaneous#...then again I had thought about drawing something like this for a while#fanart#ikevil#ikemen villains#alfons sylvatica#ikevil alfons#at the current moment I am proud of how it turned out#it's been a while since I made art and I wanted to get this out fast so I hope it lookes somewhat good to other ppl
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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Extraterrestrial Satellite Communication | Zero Sixteen Mali
"The shackles holding you back are but a mere product of the imbalance within your life. You must accept your insignificance for proper happiness."
An Emanator of Equilibrium who originates from the dead planet Alpha Zedara. She has stripped herself of all mortal constraints, even most of her identity, to reach pure balance within the world. Seen as cold and unfeeling, the mysterious woman is never encountered within one place for too long as she's sworn to never get attached once again.
Alas, as a former mortal with remants of her heart still intact — Even an emanator reaches its limits in some situations.
English Voice: Suzie Yeung
#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 ❮ an angel of vengeance has risen. ❯#* ∙ ʚ ɞ ◞ 𝐀𝐔 ❮ shadows of equilibrium. ❯#( i spent three hours on this fCKING HELL )#( I HOPE THIS LOOKS SOMEWHAT GOOD??? )#( i couldnt perfectly replicate the splasharts but ;; )#( yeah !! )#( hamel is gonna be mali's fc for hsr <3 )#( i have a lot of cutscenes i could edit.... )#( put in the trailblazer for the chief bc the magic of ps 💃 )
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the thing about midori and yuzuru to me personally is that even how midori usually gets yuzuru's guard down by his very passionate attachment to him and his art, realistically speaking there's no way yuzuru wouldn't have to jump at least several dozen mental hoops to let himself get too close to someone whom he shouldn't have had any particular relation with initially. while i do love drawing them just hanging out a lot (enrichment!! i think itd be good for them both) a majority of the time it comes from a place where i think this guy would never let himself get too carried away and forgo any chance of making needless deeper interpersonal relationships and goddamn if im not going to study it
#YOU CAN HAVE FUN!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1#looking back at that one comic i made for rarepair week i hope i conveyed it somewhat well enough but shakes him. its Fine to enjoy yoursel#and i Love him and tori hes so dedicated and cares for him so much more than anyone else still. even more reason i think itd do good for hi#duck rants about something#midoyuzu#i do love how he seems a lot more comfortable around her in !! era lately though i immensely wish to see the absolute agony it probably#wouldve taken him to get there around the earlier stages of getting to know each other
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what do we think lee harker's mbti is
#I once saw one headcanoned for her and when I looked into it it said that they were so practical that they didn't have a strong sense of#justice nor a desire to do grand things for justice. bc they're not that idyllic#and I didn't really agree with that. she clearly has a strong sense of justice. so much so her life's work is literally about catching ppl#who have committed crimes and bringing light to injustices. and something about her makes me feel like she does have a somewhat#idyllic and hopeful view of the world#like she thinks the world has the capacity to be a good place and she wants to make it so you know?#anyways what do you guys think#lee harker#s.text#longlegs (2024)
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finished dhes & kel's character pages so here are the lil edits i made for both of em :-)
#myedits#kelly#dhestyn#ik i posted kel’s already but now i am posting both pictures together#i have read through the bios so many times atp that i don't even know if they make sense anymore#i cannot look at them again#i'm just gonna say they're good enough#i might change some stuff here & there but for now#i am over it lol#i'll probably do the rest of the characters eventually..........#maybe...........#but idk. i only really post the boys here so like. yea. yk.#plus i still have the mbz character page to do#which. that has like. so many characters on it. it's a daunting task#i hope the boys' pages are at least somewhat coherent. i tried to be concise & to the point. uh. idk if i was successful in that#but. n e way. i have a few edits & writing things i wanna work on so. character pages are moving to the back burner#i may or may not finally start writing the 90sAU#which btw ty guys for being so nice on that edit???? the comments & tags were all so sweet?????#i really liked that one so i'm glad y'all liked it too
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Uh hi! So I know you usually do ship stuff, but I am desperate for some Isaac Henderson angst content. I’ve found a few here and there but most of them aren’t actually super angsty and a lot somehow feel more about the other characters even if they’re meant to be about Isaac. They’re good but nothings really scratched that itch so far. Could you write something using #12 from the angsty dialogue prompts? Or honestly if you’d rather not do that one, any one of the prompts would be great. I’ll leave it up to you what exactly it’s about and who the line is directed at, I just wanna see my fave go through it.
hello!! i'm sorry this took so long! i would like to clarify that i started it ages ago, but it was at less than 1000 words yesterday evening, and then it was finished at 2am last night. (i got so into it i'm currently in the mindset of "that's it, i'm going to try and post at least a fic a week now 😤", but we will see if that actually happens.) so, i hope if nothing else it's sufficiently angsty and not too ooc. you did give me quite a bit of freedom, and it remains unclear if that was a good choice or not 😅 anyway, enjoy!!
12. "Help me."
Post-prom, Isaac felt out of sorts.
His situation with James and his odd encounter at Elle’s exhibition had been eye-opening, to say the least. Angela Chen’s Ace still resided on his nightstand, though he’d finished reading it two days after lifting it from the library. He couldn’t bring himself to return it just yet; he found himself going back to it at night, rereading sections over again as if they would tell him something new, feeling he was still missing something. And anyway, they were still on summer holidays. The school wouldn’t miss it for now.
No one seemed to be missing him much, either.
It was becoming more noticeable, this summer break, how he was the odd one out. He’d been aware his friends were essentially coupled off for months now, and Paris had cemented it, but Paris had also kept them stuck together as a group.
(Plus, most of the Paris trip had been before things had become royally awkward with James, but he was mostly avoiding thinking about all that.)
The situation with Darcy had understandably taken a bit of a priority in the past couple of weeks, but it didn’t explain the shift that had seemed to happen within all his friends since prom. Isaac had figured for a while that Elle would be leaving, and he assumed it was why she and Tao had been attached at the hip. He didn’t begrudge them it, really. He had watched them pine over each other long enough that leaving them this time together felt warranted. Besides, it wasn’t like they were asking Charlie to movie nights recently, either.
But it also wasn’t likely Charlie was waiting to be asked, these days. He and Nick had seemingly re-entered their honeymoon phase, which was fair given that they finally could be as coupley as they wanted wherever and whenever they wanted. Isaac just found it odd that it seemed to be more since prom than Nick’s coming out, but he was not going to ask about that. It made sense he didn’t want to think about. The intense, somewhat dark cloud that seemed to still hang over Nick around Charlie was more worth questioning, but it was also part of what kept Isaac from encroaching on them recently.
Everyone seemed to have something going on. His going-ons felt a little unworthy, in comparison. He wasn’t sure if he was feeling shit about himself because he didn’t want to put an extra burden on his friends and it was a bit sad he considered his feelings a burden, or if that was an excuse for not having to talk about it because he didn’t really know how and it was making him feel shit.
So, yes. Out of sorts.
Out of sorts and alone, most of the time.
He was not in the habit of pitying himself, however, and he was not about to start now. So what if he was having some life-defining realisations about himself and he had no one to share them with? He’d coped with life mostly on his own so far and he’d continue to do so.
And he was coping. Perfectly.
Kind of.
Sitting in one of his best friend’s houses, surrounded by their other friends and staring into a book was how he always coped, so this was perfectly normal. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t absorbing the words and everyone seemed louder than usual. He hadn’t been sleeping well. He was tired. That’s all he was feeling.
Tara tugged at his foot from where she and Darcy were perched on the floor by his armchair. “Isaac, we're gonna play a boardgame. Put the book down and come join us!”
Isaac looked, but Tao and Elle were still wrapped up in each other in the corner and Nick and Charlie were nowhere in sight. He raised an eyebrow at Tara. “We are?”
“Yes! Nick and Charlie are away to get them right now, so come get comfy.”
Darcy snorted. “Good idea, because we could be waiting for a bit.”
Tara slugged her shoulder and Darcy only giggled again.
“Shouldn't they have passed the honeymoon phase by now?” Isaac asked, lowering his book slightly but not yet closing it.
“Nick and Charlie?” Tara grinned. “I'm not sure those two will ever come out of it.”
“Well, I can't say I don't understand,” Darcy quipped, leaning in to Tara with a grin. Tara turned towards her, and their smiles melded as they kissed.
Isaac snapped his book closed. “Actually, I think I'll go to the loo while we're waiting.”
No one gave any sign of hearing him, so Isaac slipped quietly out of the room and up to the bathroom. He rolled his eyes at the giggles coming from Charlie's room and didn't pause. Closing the bathroom door behind him, he finally released a sharp breath. He perched himself on the edge of the bath and pulled out his phone.
Instagram was a distraction he did not often indulge in. His follow count was small—only his friends and favourite authors alongside a small cluster of bookstagrammers he'd found to have good taste. He saved a couple of recommendation posts, then began clicking through stories, pausing when he reached James's.
The story was almost timed out, all of it from last night, seemingly at a party. Isaac had stopped on a video where James appeared to be singing along to the song playing with another boy. In the middle of it, the boy had swooped forward to kiss James on the cheek.
Isaac stared at James’s delighted expression and something complicated clenched in his chest. He quickly locked the phone and set it beside him, directing his focus to the wall.
It was good, he rationalised. James was wonderful; he deserved to be going out and having fun, and he deserved, without question, to have a handsome boy having fun with him. Whether they were friends or something more didn't matter, but the something more definitely seemed possible, if not likely. And James deserved someone who could give him that.
Isaac had not been able to give him that—did not want to give anyone that, could not derive any joy from it, even from the chance of it giving joy to someone else.
He was not incapable of love. He knew that. When he looked at his family, when he looked at Charlie and Tao and Elle, he was always so full of love he felt he might explode from it. It wasn't romantic, and it wasn't physical, but it was love, in its purest form it seemed, to him, given he did not want anything in return for it but their happiness and their continued place in his life.
It was love, uncomplicated, unconditional love, and why wouldn't that be enough?
He never seemed to be enough.
He always did what he could to be a good son and a good friend, and he had never doubted it until recently. James had been one of those good friends. He still was, as far as Isaac was concerned, but their relationship had undeniably changed. Maybe it was simply in an awkward phase that would pass, but Isaac, at the moment, could not believe it would ever be the same. For a time, James had been something of his best friend—not because Isaac liked him more than Charlie or Tao or Elle, or because he really spent more time with him, but because James was Isaac’s friend in a way they were not. They spent time together, the two of them, and shared interests the two of them, and when they had been together they had not felt the need for any company outside of the two of them.
But that had not meant the same to James as it had to Isaac, and Isaac could not give him anything more. He understood that his rejection would not be taken without consequence, but he hadn't been prepared to be, in a way, rejected in return.
Was this all he would ever achieve? Having friends who would always be somewhat distant—who would always have someone closer, someone better—or having someone close who would eventually want that closeness in a way he did not. Before, he'd worried he was not worthy of that want to begin with. Never had he thought it would be his inability to return it that would be the issue. Could he be upset, that it was his not wanting to be too close that lost him all closeness as a result?
He was alone on an island of his own making. He couldn't blame anyone for leaving him there if he wasn't going to invite them in, could he?
Was this, then—alone in the bathroom of his best friend's house with his phone locked beside him and tears in his throat—all he was destined for?
Isaac Island, party of one.
A knock on the door startled him, and he swore quietly as he knocked his phone onto the tiles. As he picked it up, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and blanched. There were no tears, but his eyes were red and his face was blotchy and the tears were waiting in his throat, they surely would be there if he went back downstairs to—
Another knock.
“One—one minute,” he tried, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. He quickly turned on the tap and ran his hands and wrists under the cool water, but it did nothing to steady his breathing. The thought of his aloneness had choked him, but the thought of returning into company strangled him. It was not his friends’ fault—he refused to make it his friends’ fault—but at the moment, he couldn't bear them all the same.
He cupped more cold water in his hands and scrubbed it over his face, but it did not shock him out of the spiral of his thoughts. The third knock barely registered over the growing ringing in his ears.
“Isaac?” Not Charlie, like Isaac had thought. Not Nick either, or Tara, or any of them. “Are you okay? I'd really like to use the loo.”
His island, he thought deliriously, was sinking; he was drowning, and still, he could do nothing but soak his hands under the tap and soak his face in turn and suck in breaths that did not hold enough oxygen. He was drowning, he was sinking, he could not see it but his body felt it and his lungs were going to seize, he was dying—
He cut the knocking off by throwing open the door and gasping, “Help me.”
Isaac had one second to appreciate Tori’s bewildered expression before it turned serious and she took to action. “Isaac? Hey. Look at me.” She set her hands on his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around his middle, still heaving. “I'm assuming you didn't just get diagnosed with asthma,” Tori said, still impossibly calm—perhaps he was actually the sea, he thought, undefinable and raving, and she the island, unravagable. Isaac shook his head. “Alright. I think, then, this is likely a panic attack. Would it help if I get Charlie?”
Isaac shook his head more vigorously.
To her credit, Tori only considered him for a few seconds, and didn't argue. She guided him back into the bathroom and gently kicked the door closed. “Sit,” she told him. He did, and she crouched in front of him. Immediately, with his knees pulled to his chest and the bath supporting his back, it was better. He was not so adrift. “You're alright. It will pass. I know it's stupid, but you really do just have to focus on breathing.”
She started counting. It was only when she'd repeated the numbers four times that he understood she was telling him how long to breathe in and out for. Then he tried to follow it, and slowly, air felt like it was moving through him regularly again.
Isaac wiped at his cheek. To his embarrassment, his fingers came away damp. He didn't look at Tori, but he said, “Thank you.” Then, “Sorry.”
She didn't brush off his apology, or tell him to get out now so she could actually use the loo—both of which would have been fair and not unexpected responses. Instead, she turned and sat next to him. She leaned against the bath to his left, a few inches between their shoulders, and stared at the wall quietly with him.
When his skin stopped vibrating, he tucked his arms around his middle again and breathed out. “How did you know what to do?” he asked.
She glanced at him and shrugged. “I didn't, really.”
It was all she offered, but it seemed honest. Isaac decided not to push. He was too grateful to care much.
“Do you want to tell me what it was about?” she asked, softly.
Isaac looked over at her. She was looking back, unsmiling but not unhappy. She reminded him a lot of Charlie, Isaac had always thought. They seemed similar in ways they likely weren't even aware of. It was both comforting and unnerving. “Do you really want me to?”
Tori shrugged again. “I'd prefer it if you told Charlie or your other friends, because I think that would be more helpful. But I don't think you want to. So you can tell me, if you need to tell someone.”
That was—exactly what Isaac needed, really. He didn't exactly think it should be Tori. They'd known each other a while, and they liked each other well enough, but they weren't friends. Plus, Isaac knew she and Charlie were actually close; it felt weird and unfair to tell her something and then ask her to keep it from him.
But in this moment, he could not think of a better option, and the mere thought of getting the weight off his chest was a relief.
“I think I'm going to end up alone,” he said, blunt and ridiculous. Tori, completely fairly, raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Not because I think I'm unlovable or something like that.” Although that was part of it. “But because—” Could he say the actual words? “—I think I'm asexual, and aromantic, so I don't think I'll ever love love anyone, and I think that means I'll always be a bit alone.”
He could.
It still seemed sad and pathetic when he said it out loud, maybe even more so, but the act of it—the unretractable reality of it—settled something in him.
Tori's expression, a little confused but free of judgement, only added to that feeling. “So, you don't feel romantic or sexual attraction,” she said slowly. “At all. Is that what you mean?”
Isaac was vaguely impressed. He nodded.
“When did you figure this out?”
Isaac took a long, heavy breath. “I think, properly, I started to figure it out in Paris, when I realised this guy liked me and I was trying to figure out if I liked him back? But I think I'd been starting to realise it long before then. I just…hadn't known what to call it, or what it meant.”
Tori, he noticed gratefully, took time to process this before nodding. “And now?”
Isaac blinked. “Now?”
“What do you think it means now?”
Oh. Isaac hadn't expected the question, and he found himself unsure of how to answer. “I think it means I'm always going to be lonely.”
Tori tilted her head. “But you didn't think that before.”
“What?”
“You said you don't think you're unlovable. And I agree. I think Charlie loves you a lot. I think most people would, because you are a very nice person. You didn't think of that as less important because it wasn't romantic before. What changed?”
Changed? Nothing. Everything. They were growing up, and love had more meanings when you grew up, and some of those meanings became less important. He looked at the wall again. “They have other people they love more,” he said softly.
“And you won't ever have that,” Tori returned, equally soft. Not a barb, not a rebuke, nothing negative at all. Just realising; working through it alongside him. “So you think you won't ever be the most important person to someone.”
Isaac swallowed, unable to answer. Not because he didn't know the answer—because it was yes, it was true, she was right, of course she was—but because it was impossible to admit.
“I think that's the case for most people,” Tori said, at once blunt and thoughtful. Isaac looked back at her, awaiting an explanation. “Think about it. Even the most in love people usually have children, and then their children are the most important people, or at least equally important. And if they have more than one child, no one of them is the most important, and neither of the parents are the most important to the other. I think, instead of having one supremely important person, most people have a group of important people in their life.”
She looked over at him and continued. “There probably are different levels and different kinds of importance, but I don't think that necessarily means one is worth less than the other.”
Isaac sat, for a moment, and absorbed that. Could it be true? He thought of his family. He was lucky, in that scenario. His parents were kind, were wonderful, and he knew without question that they loved him, and he loved them. Neither one of them, he realised, was more important to him than the other. He had different relationships with them both, but each of their losses would leave an equally sized hole in his heart.
He knew that probably wasn't the same for most people, but if he could find that one example in his own life so easily, he couldn't deny it was possible in others.
“I suppose,” Isaac said. “I think I know what you mean. I don't think it's the same, but—I know what you mean.”
Tori did smile, now. A barely there thing, but warm and kind, all the same. “It probably isn't the same. I know me saying I love my brothers equally and neither of them are less important doesn't mean anything for your friends treating you the same as their partners, or even other friends. But I think—every relationship is as important as you make it. And sometimes, people might not know they aren't making it important, if they don't know what's important about it to you.”
“Has important stopped sounding like a real word to you, too?” Isaac asked.
“About six ‘important’s ago,” Tori agreed.
Isaac laughed, and his relief grew. Tori's smile also grew, just a tick.
“You're saying I should just talk to my friends,” Isaac noted, eventually, and Tori's smile grew wry.
“I did say that at the very beginning, yes.” Isaac laughed again, and she shook her head. “But I am saying you should explain to them. I can't promise you're wrong, or tell you everything will be fine,” she said truthfully. “But I don't think you can assume people can't give you what you need, if you don't tell them what that is and let them try.”
Isaac’s chest tightened again, but it was different to the breathless feeling from before. Instead of hopelessness, it was an anticipatory sort of buzz. There was a sureness that hadn't been there before.
There was a clatter from outside, and this time it was Charlie's voice that called out. “Isaac! Are you still up here? We have the game set up.”
Isaac looked from the door back to Tori. She gave him another smile and nodded. “Go on. I have really needed to pee for about ten minutes now.”
Isaac laughed, again, and got to his feet. Tori passed his phone up to him, and he thanked her once more. He knew she could tell he meant for everything, and she wouldn't appreciate him making more of it, so he took his leave without another word, leaving her to pee in peace.
Charlie was hovering at the top of the stairs. His face broke into a smile at Isaac’s appearance. “There you are. You've been up here ages.” His smile drooped slightly as Isaac came closer. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Isaac nodded. “Sorry, I got caught talking to Tori.”
“In the bathroom?” Charlie huffed, bewildered but amused. For a moment Isaac pictured Tori's expression when he'd opened the door to her, and he smiled.
He only hesitated for a second before saying, “I wanted to talk to all of you about something, actually.”
Immediately, Charlie's expression softened. “Yeah?” When Isaac nodded, Charlie smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging him towards the staircase. “Come on, then. The game can wait.”
#heartstopper#heartstopper fic#isaac henderson#prompts#i actually really enjoyed writing this#i feel like i don't express my love for isaac enough#so this was a good opportunity#so thank you vm for trusting me with the request!#i hope it's at least somewhat what you were looking for <3#honourable tag for#tori spring#i could imagine no one else when i thought of this scenario/convo#i think any interaction between these two would be a very cool and important thing to have#my fics
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watched the first 2 episodes of acolyte and so far i like every character except for the main one lol. (also is her name osha as in occupational safety and health administration??)
#star wars#the acolyte#acolyte#the nemoidian faces look really good#definitely the best looking prequel alien from the last few shows#rather ironic to name Miss Hazardous Workplace Conditions 'Osha' lol#the assassin lady was really cool looking#it was pretty funny to see that the 120bby sith assassins are reasonably friendly to each other#and at least help each other somewhat#and then there's poor ventress (and briefly savage ig) who just get force-zapped a bunch#the conversation between sol and vernesta(?) at the end of ep 2 was also pretty funny#vernestra: well we have to take time to Thoughtfully Deliberate this situation so we can respond wisely :)#sol: SHE IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL ME???#poor guy hope the situation works out better for him#hey at least his new padawan (orange theelin) is smart#anyways might draw one of them idk#more inclined to draw nightsisters and soft wars rn but we'll see#whos the sith(?) cant be plageius bc hes a muun right?#how old is palpatine again? was the acolyte project his Sith Senior Thesis or something like that#unrelated but the scene of the jedi running around the ice planet bareheaded was so infuriating lol#PUT ON YOUR HOODS I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM#maybe i'll draw hats for them all#i found it a bit weird that they basically gave osha the anakin background? having her be *eight* specifically when she got to the temple#felt a bit off#kind of like it's taking away from the caution around anakin's induction? since i think koth was four and that was considered 'late'#so for a non-prophecied random kid to show up at age eight?#on the other hand maybe they only got cautious about age after this whole debacle happened? idk i'll see what happens#ok i think thats all
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Double chocolate and blueberry loaf. Looks and smells super good, just hoping it tastes alright. I tried looking up a recipe for enriched chocolate dough and my eyes glazed over immediately, so I just winged it.
#i have made very few chocolate doughs and always forgot to add extra sugar so they were very bitter#i did add a lot of sugar this time so hopefully ? it wont be bitter ? idk its all looking good.#baking#the blueberries are dried btw bc we have like 10 pounds of dried blueberries#theres an insane and somewhat infuriating food situation going on due to the oregon government being the Worst Ever#esp re: giving people their food stamp benefits on time. i wont go into it bc it would take a while to explain and i am still very mad#but we have a lot of bulk food all bought in a panic which involves 10 pounds of dried blueberries#and im hoping they go well in bread#i do lots of bairin breac anyway which has tons of dried fruit altho that is typically soaked.... maybe shoulda soaked these...
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Okay, let's not talk BNHA for now... I just know that you're an AOT fan, too ...
Can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) fav characters from the series? Why love them? And your top 5 fav moments from AOT?
Oh sure anon!
I will keep it short here but my top 5 favourite characters in attack on titan are
Armin alert
Mikasa Ackerman
Eren Yeager
Historia reiss
Hange
My top 5 favourite moments of the series are:
Armin and Eren in the paths
Magath and Keith's deaths (probably my favourite parallels in the series)
Jean and Eren in chapter 137
The meeting between Ymir and Mikasa
Hange's death
#snk#eren yeager#mikasa ackerman#armin arlert#attack on titan#honestly aot is probably one of the most well written shonens out there#i am somewhat critical of certain aspects#but it truly is a great series and had a great ending#historia#aot#looking back at it the ending was relaistic#and good#i think i enjoyed the first ending better simply because it held out hope that they could heal and history wont repeat#but even that i think history repeating itself was inevitable and rather the series managed to captute a part of human nature pretty well
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