#but idk. i only really post the boys here so like. yea. yk.

[raiiny-bay]

finished dhes & kel's character pages so here are the lil edits i made for both of em :-)

[strawberryezpls]

my goodness i have changed wtf

looking back to the beginning of this year till now is actually fucking insane how much has happened and how things ended up being like. I'm actually accomplishing my goals that i had planned for this year and it feels good but it's kinda like i need something else for the motivation to keep going. Umm lets see I'm finally under 200 and I can keep doing that if i watch my diet. Ummmmm should i start witht he boy who i was i was ina s ituationship with or just pick up where I lelft off? Hmm so last time i was on here I was already on talking terms with my ex(yea ik bad) but it was kinda innocent. (not really lmao) then I got my wisdom tooth surgery and i had a little complication bc it was not healing up properly. Thennnnn I had my bday how i planned it. I even bought myself a little camera but it dies so quick so rip. Ooo i turned 21 if you didn't know and i had my first whiskey shot at midnight thanks to no relationship man. (Imma call him teddy bear bc thats what it gave and reminds me of the song teddy bear by melanie martinez. Oooo i finally got into a relationship with teddy bear but i pratcially begged him tbh. oh and before that i got my grand,as car towed from his apartment........ i don't wanna even revisit im just glad i didn't have to pay for it. And then i went to see melanie martinex for her 3 album tour and it was MAGICALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. as per usuall life went downhill after seeing such a queen. I was =n't doing too hot spring quarter and that why im taking my last class i needed. However i did sign my lease for the dorms imma be living so I'm offically a university gal! regarding to that i got a second job just for the summer to help with paying for college but tbh let be real lmao. lets just say if i thought i was busy in january this is nothing compared. oh and I dyed my hair in may becaseu i felt like it but im back to my natural color and in pain bc my hair is so weak rn. ummmmmmm today i'm finally goign to be a manager at my main job and iim so excited but nervous. I've been acting like this role for a while now but there's always going to be something unexpected that comes up. But thankfully everyone is supportive and does what they can and I'm not alone in the suffering at all(at least i hope im not) oh and i got into a fight with my fatehrr so i have to stay at my aunts house temporaily like where i'm typing from. I miss being home bc it was my set place where i had everythign i needed. which reminds me like you know how i said i think i have autism yeah idk i think i also show signs of ocd...... i wont go into detial bc thats not ur bussiness but i tend to have very obessive thoughts like never ending too so theres that. I cannot wait for september to come and i can focus on school and have a change. i have to start packing or planning things now though and that makes menervous bc my mom obviously doesn't want me to go. but whatever omg and i started using tampons and I've only had 2 success days lmao but i'm gettign there. Idk if this wasn't obious but i broke up with teddy bear to foucs on myself and i don't reakky have the energy to be with him it just too drianing yk. However i somehwo managed too get all the bosy i've shown interest to spin back like didn't think it was possible. just wow y life is really changing and i feel like i can't keep uup even thoughi felt like that in april and I was keeping up just fine. anyways I think thats it i could start to do think pieces again not that anybody is reading this. I wish i could say every detail but so much is happening at once in my life. it wasn't like this a year ago which is crazy to say. Like i never thought i would be here like this a year ago tbh. I think that's a good thing becasue i wanted to live a busy life like everyone. I don't know how i still have time for tiktok and instagram on the daily but whatever. I don't even post as much on instagram yea very sad. I'm becoming more mysertious by the day. and sharing over there just feels useless like my august/july-december era was one or the books.

[piece-of-hweat]

MORE LITTLE AKUMU STUFF (NO WAY DUDE!! FINALLY!!)

SPOILERS FOR LITTLE NIGHTMARES AND OMORI!

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..

...

Hi. Okay so... um... Here in this post, I wanna talk about which role would fit each Nightmare Kid, simply because I desperately need to organise my thoughts about this AU-

Let's start off with Raincoat!! Okay, Raincoat, she gives off big-sister vibes-- and let's be real, she probably is a sister figure to Six and the rest of the crew. In Very Little Nightmares, she fell to her death because Six failed to kill The Pretender. Oh boy, death by falling because of someone else's mistake? Hmmm, sure sounds familiar… *stares at Mari* So yea! Raincoat will be the "Mari" of the Little Akumu AU! She'll also be the Something, in a sense. Her death will probably haunt Six forever.

SPEAKING OF SIX-- Let's talk about her! Six will be the Sunny of this AU. Not only is she probably extremely mentally ill, but she's also responsible (in one way or another) of quite a few deaths/life-ruinings! Most notably, the "murder" of Raincoat! She'll be forever haunted by all of her actions! Also, I'd like to mention one of the two commonly accepted fanons where Six is the "quiet girl who doesn't say shit", I mean… that checks out as Sunny-behavior right??? And since I can, we can totally just have Shadow Six represent the Somethings! I'm so good at this /lhj Plus she's the implied main character of the LN franchise so--

Moving onto a different topic... you know how like… Mono is Six's bestie… and you know how Basil was Sunny's bestie? Yea, Mono is Basil. I already rambled about the uncanny parallels between the two characters in the previous post (cough cough, besties until one of them left after unfortunate event, the gosh dang dialogue, literally being abandoned by their bestie and having their mental health spiral because of that abandonment, cough cough) ALSO-- Mono will probably be stored away in the AU's equivalent of "Blackspace", not because he had much to do with Raincoat's death, but because he left in a very similar way Raincoat did. And since the brain loves seeing patterns…. I think it's safe to assume that Mono would just not have a nice time.

Moving on, I feel like talking about Runaway!! The Little Akumu Runaway will be based heavily on my RK Headcanons where he's a loud asshole idiot (/aff)-- and you know who else is a loud idiot? KEL!! Runaway will be the Kel of this AU!! Yippee!! I don't really have many reasonings for this role? All I can say is that everyone, including Roku (The OMORI/Six) and Alone hate his guts.

Speaking of Alone, Alone's just gonna be Aubrey. I just imagine both of them to be like... really strong. That's the only reason I have honestly.

Low will be Hero because that's the last and final slot that needs to be filled. I legit have no reason for this other than the fact that Low feels like a older brother person idk dude. Also, I think it'd be amusing if Low is one of the only people who can make Runaway shut the hell up effortlessly, yk?

Aight, that's all I have to say. Buh bye. I might make another post in the near future featuring all of the concept art/doodles of Little Akumu, I just need to MS Paint-ify it.

Okay bye fr now.

NEW AU IDEA JUST DROPPED!!

SPOILERS FOR BOTH GAMES (but I'm sure you guys are chill with it, right?

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For those who don't know me, I absolutely ADORE Little Nightmares and OMORI. They're both such silly games and I love them both dearly... so what if... I combine them? Best of both worlds am I rite?!

I do remember seeing something similar, where Mono took the role of Sunny with a Headspace and such-- But what if Six took up Sunny's role and Mono took up Basil's? (and Mari's too I guess but shhh)

Not only were both Six and Mono best friends before an unfortunate event that tore the two a part, just like Sunny and Basil, but like-- One of my friends pointed out that Mono can totally pull off being a Stranger/Headspace Basil in Six's hypothetical headspace. Like... LOOK AT THESE LINES IN THE BLACKSPACE ROOM--

"I just... I waited so long for you to come back, SUNNY... but... you never did."

THAT. MONO WOULD TOTALLY WAIT FOR SIX IN THE TOWER BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT SHE NEVER DOES COME BACK--

"Even seeing you now... It's hard to think straight. I can feel my heart hurting and I want to cover my face and hide."

Mono covers his face, he of course he'd feel hurt. And of course he can't think straight because he's bi-- /hj /hj IT IS JUST-- IT IS JUST HHHHHHH

Okay that's all I can think of regarding Mono-Basil stuff. Anyways have this thing that I drew for this thing. Ignore that I used Hero's expressions instead of Basil's shhhh

I might call this AU idea "Little Akumu" Tell me what you think of it :D

[jayflrt]

akka <3 thank you so much but it's still 22 nd in here, but for the early wish, i appreciate it!! my weekend was the worst and my day was too. i got my vaccine today and my hand hurts, jsjsjdj. did you know that i like jaywon or you just yk like guessed or simply put them, but i love them tho-

i opened tumblr today and i went through your blog and didn't expect a birthday wish 😭😭😭 really thank you saur much T_T i have nothing to say but this weekend i'll write my college admission exam and i hope i'll do good!! also do you have any study tips, these days my motivation for studying is decreasing and i'm procrastinating a lot :(

and the jay tiktok, oh my god! the guitar he had it since highschool 😔 he is so precious :( he's good at keeping gifts. jay is so cute and the en-o clock episode, jay was the mafia and he's like 🤫 i'm the mafia, hahahsh.

yea- tamil, telugu, kanada and malyalam have similar words and tone, so it is easy for me to understand tamil, hehe. my dad knows how to speak like the basic and my mom too, so i visited kanchipuram when i was young, yea- that was the only time i went to tamil nadu, lmao.

most of the girls take medical more than engineering and boys take engineering the most. it's like the majority, right? medical is like, my mom said no because she knows that i can't take much stress and i won't study properly so i'm sticking with engeneering but i'd also study bio just 4 fun, haha.

also please wish your friend a happy birthday too, on my behalf and tell them to have a good day too <3

i was an infp-t but it changed into entj-t lmao and my enneagram type is 5, 9 and 4— 5 is like investigator?? and 9 is accommodator?? 4 is romanti(s)c, tell me what they mean akka...

and i felt so happy yesterday, idk the reason but i was just happy and then fucking sad all of a sudden,😂😂😔 and i always keep seeing this time 11:11, what does it mean? whne i googled it, it said my ancestors are giving me signs or some shit and another one said- it'll make my wish come true!!

also what is your opinion on nmixx debut, i'm disappointed and the music taste isn't mine and i didn't like lily's high notes, it didn't suit in the music, here voice is way more better if she sings alone :) i'm like really disappointed. this is my opinion and i'm not hating them.

how was your trip, weekend and day btw?? hope you have a good day/night!! i have a lot to say but i don't really have the energy to write lmao, it pains (≧﹏ ≦)

bye q(≧▽≦q) *muah*

— 🦔

heyhey !! omg sorry i didn’t realize i was too early 🤧 but i’m glad i got to wish you regardless !! how was your birthday love? 🌷 omg yes my arm was a little sore after the booster !! i think it was definitely better than the first two rounds tho :’’) and you’ve talked about jaywon before and talked about watching compilations of them on youtube so i thought i’d add them to your little bday post 🥰 

good luck on your college admissions essay !! :o i hope everything goes well with it 💗 also as for study tips, i would recommend writing out your notes so you retain the information better (i type my notes because of time but writing is very useful), and i do active recall by using flashcards to test my memory !! <3 if you’re doing math or science or smthn tho, it’s useful to practice problems until you understand the concept ♡ also make sure you take breaks and put your phone away when you study !! i used to be terrible at procrastinating in high school and then my mom took my phone away LOL and i got so much more done 🤩 

AHHH GUITARIST JAY HAS BEEN HAUNTING ME 🤧💕 I REWATCH IT EVERY DAY BECAUSE HE’S JUST THE SWEETEST EVER D; i haven't watched any en’oclock since college started tho sobsob i have to wait until i’m on a break again !! ♡  

(more under the cut.)

omg rlly ?? 🤧 i used to live in kanchipuram for a little but im a chennai city girl 🤩 yeah usually engineering is very male-dominated but it’s still v difficult so good luck !!! i don’t know how it works over there but here we have to take bio anyway for our GE (general education) courses :’)

ooh entjs have the extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging personality types :’)) this is what the website says about it !! <3 omg haknyeon from tbz is also entj 🤧 

i’m enfp-a so we literally only have the extroverted part in common HAHAH but the -t stands for turbulent and the -a stands for assertive and it has to do with how people cope with stressful situations, i believe. the -t refers to being more swayed with decisions and being turbulent under stress, while the -a is more set on goals and deals with stress better i think. and for a little breakdown on the rest of the letters:

i-e - the introvert-extrovert divide determines if your dominant function is introverted or extroverted. (where you focus your attention)

s-n - the sensing-intuition divide determines if the perceiving function, (either sensing or intuition) in your top two functions is a sensing function or an intuition function. (the way you take in information)

t-f - the thinking-feeling divide determines if the judging function, (either thinking or feeling) in your top two functions is a thinking or feeling function. (how you make decisions)

j-p - the judging-perceiving divide determines if your stronger judging function is introverted or extroverted. judging types have an extroverted judging function, and perceiving types have an introverted judging function. (how you deal with the world)

i did this mbti compatibility thing with enha and im not compatible with any of them with the mbti except sunjay HAHAH

i don’t know much about enneagram types but i’ll send what i read on it 🤧 maybe you should take the quiz again tho ?? :o i think people just get one or two types 

type 4 (the individualist) - fours want to be unique and to experience deep, authentic emotions. type fours fear they are flawed and are overly focused on how they are different from other people. 

type 5 (the investigator) - fives seek understanding and knowledge, and are more comfortable with data than other people. the biggest fear of the type five is being overwhelmed by their own needs or the needs of other people.

type 9 (the peacemaker) - nines like to go with the flow and let the people around them set the agenda. type nines fear pushing people away by prioritizing their own needs, and they tend to be passive.

enneagrams are also grouped into head, heart, and body types, and type 4 (heart), 5 (head), and 9 (body) are actually in each of those categories 

heart types - heart types react with emotions first. they connect with other people on an empathetic level, and make sense of the world by understanding their feelings about it. these types are guided by the feelings connected to their emotional relationships with other people. they value things such as emotional support, recognition, and inclusion.

head types - head types react with analysis first. they connect with other people on an intellectual level, and make sense of the world by understanding the systems and theories that underlie what they observe. these types are primarily focused on control, which they gain by maintaining stability, security, and competence.

body types - body types react with an instinctive, gut feeling. they connect with other people based on their physical sense of comfort, and make sense of the world by sensing their body's reaction to what is happening. the primary drive for this triad is to maintain their independence and limit control from outside influences. they respond by being either overly controlling, overly passive, or overly perfectionistic.

omg i experience mood swings sometimes as well love 🤧 it’s okay it’s perfectly normal !! :’)) also 11:11 is kind of a meaning in numerology that’s linked to chance and luck. so that’s why people go “11:11 make a wish” because it’s said you can manifest ✨ at that exact time 

oh goddd i think the girls of nmixx are definitely very talented but that debut song was a little disappointing 😭 the song just seemed all over the place but wow they’re definitely all strong dancers !! :o i just dont know what jype was thinking with that song <//3 i actually had no idea they were a group debuting until i saw that song all over my tiktok HAHAH omg these idol groups are getting younger and younger 🤧 i feel so old sometimes 

also my trip was so so fun tysm for asking !!! 🥰💖 we ate out for every single meal tho so my wallet was dying LOLL and i had kbbq for the first time :o i think all of our meals were in little tokyo or ktown as well so it was v good asian food for once all weekend ♡ we got these really good korean corn dogs omggg i was in love <33 i felt so much closer with my friends after that weekend so i hope we can do something like that again soon :’) 💕 but tonight my roommates and i are gonna get kbbq so it’ll be nice to spend time with them as well !! :’) we’re all tired from midterms so it’ll be good to unwind HAHAH 

how was your week love ?? :o i hope you’re having a great day/night right now and have a great weekend ahead 🥰🌷 take care and i hope your arm isn't sore anymore !! ♡ 

[chaeryybomb]

what i imagine stray kids personal instagram accounts would look like:

okay so my friend and I were talking about how skz personal accounts would look like so yeah I decided to write it out lol

bang chan

chan rarely posts on the main account what makes u think he'll post on a personal account 🤡

let’s be real, chan would probably never post—

I feel like chan's feed will be his selfies with that 🤙skz sign and ✌️ sign

like literally that's all he does

and it's just selfies

and berry

he definitely is gonna post a lot of Berry pictures

chan is also the kinda guy that'll take pic of the places they go to

like after every tour, he'll take a pic of that place and thank stays

I can really see him posting less than 100 posts??

he just doesn't seem the kinda guy to post

I feel like he'll post more on stories instead

like he'll probably put up that question box thing to ask how are stays are doing

and yk how he plays some snippets of the songs he made on vlive??

yea I feel like he'll tease songs on his stories

lee minho

HIS FEED IS A M E S S

Y'ALL CAN ALREADY TELL HOW MESSY IT'LL BE

he's gonna post more of his cats than his weird selfies

an actual normal selfie? never heard of her

he's gonna post any weird filter he comes across

his account is literally going to be like a finsta or a second account

minho doesn't give a FUCK about ur aesthetic shit

he's gonna post whatever the fuck he wants and stays will love it

his cats doing something weird? posted

his cats doing something cute? posted

his cats? POSTED

if he isn't spamming his feed with posts

he's spamming his stories

yk how many weird ass filters insta has

ur gonna see more of them on his story

I also feel like minho is the kinda of guy who'll film his members doing weird shit

then expose them on his story

I feel like minho is the kinda guy to have dirt on the members??

and he'll threaten to expose their ugly ass all the time lol

seo changbin

another one who'll have 100 posts and below

literally what is up with 3racha and not pOSTING

at least he posts more than chan

okay but half of his posts will have felix in it

or hyunjin bc he can't choose one

also I feel like his feed will be colourless??

like bitch likes to use dark filters

u be scrolling through his dark ass feed and only see a colourful post like twice-

I don't see him posting much on insta stories too

I feel like he'll be featured more on the other members insta more than his own

I see him posting more than using stories

he'd probably update stays on ig posts instead

BUT U WILL LITERALLY SEE THIS FUCKER EVERYWHERE EXCEPT ON HIS OWN ACCOUNT JDHSHD

actually wait

YOU'LL SEE 3RACHA EVERYWHERE BUT THEIR OWN ACCOUNTS

hwang hyunjin

ah yes finally a member who'll actually post regularly

and not use weird filters (●´∀｀●)

yk damn well this boy is gonna post a lot

like his posts will always have more than one picture

I feel like he'll spam post everything

yk like how jennie suddenly uploaded 49 pictures in the span of 15 minutes?

yeah

but I also see him taking pictures of his members and posting it on his account too

bc he likes taking pics

I feel like he'll take a lot of pics of the 00line/maknae line

like cough jisung cough

and post it on his account

hyunjin definitely would use the insta story and posts whatever catches his eye

he probably sees something nice and put it up on his story

I also see him as the kind of member who'll post dance covers on insta TV

overall hyunjin rlly be feeding stays unlike someone—

han jisung

he doesn't fucking pOSTS

BC HE'S IN 3RACHA DHSHD

another one who probably will have 100 posts or less

b u t

you'll literally see jisung on hyunjin or seungmin's account

more than on his OWN GODDAMN ACCOUNT

he'll probably post like once every months and be like "haha I'm not dead yet wassup"

and he'll have a new hair colour

one moment he's blond and suddenly he has black hair—

wait no that doesn't sound wrong

one minute he has brown hair and he's sUDDENLY BLOND AGAIN DHSHDJ

#save_skz_scalps2020

he'll post about cheesecakes

I said what I said

you'll see more cheesecakes than his fACE

definitely will post studio snippets on his story just to fuck with stays

I feel like he'll also always have minho on his story

he'll try out the weird filters with him couplegoals

lee felix

tbh he gives me yangyang insta vibes

like he'll post nice aesthetic pictures

but the captions suddenly takes u back to ur middle school years DHSHDHS

or his caption will be like a meme caption

like have y'all seen jamie's "meow meow" caption

y e a h

and since he's been getting better at cooking now

he'll definitely posts pictures of what he made

his stories are just gonna radiate chaotic energy okay

you see him post behind the scenes of him cooking

or behind the scenes of aNYTHING

exposing the members

he'll probably even post a tiktok but crop out his tiktok name dhsjdjs

rmbr that video of him showing stays snow???

yeah he's gonna post those kind of videos on his stories

he just wanna show stays everything okay

kim seungmin

the one with the most aesthetically pleasing feed that you'll ever see

hyunjin fights him for being the aesthetic one in skz

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE !!!

and that's seungmin—

sorry not sorry hyunjin ┐(￣ー￣)┌

anyways, I definitely see him taking nice ass pictures of the members

and post it on his account

bc the members never tag him for credits

AND SEUNGMIN IS DONE WITH THEIR DISRESPECCヽ(ｏ`皿′ｏ)ﾉ

he'll probably post short covers on his stories

to bless™ stays ears with his heavenly vocals

idk why but I see him posting his weird noises on his stories

like u be swiping through ig stories and u suddenly hear a "GAH"

i would see him feature felix and jeongin on his feed a lot too

he probably forces jeongin to let him take pics of him

like how ur mom makes u pose in front of that xmas tree so she can take pic for ur relatives

yang jeongin

i see him posting daily

and with the captions alw asking how are stays days

bc he just loves stays so much okay

he'll post selfies

or some scenery

with a really cute ass caption saying:

"how are stays doing?"

or

"remember to stay healthy!!" (´∀｀)♡

WITH A BUNCH OF HEART EMOJIS

i also see him posting his vocals on his stories

to show off how much he improved

like yk that one video of him hitting high notes of a song

yeah that

he's gonna post like videos/short clips of him singing and then asking like

"how did I do??"

I also see him putting that instagram question box on his story

and ask whatever is on his mind

and then react to the answers lolol

if y'all made it till down here,,, should I write imagines/bulleted scenarios?? i swear I'm a decent writer 👉👈

[ktheist]

FROM THIS POST

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

i do! it wasn't always like this before buy i'm glad my relationship with them improved <3

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

me mom bc i luv her

03: Do you regret anything?

my wasted potential oof

04: Are you insecure?

who isn't?

05: What is your relationship status?

i'm taken!! by meeeeeee!!!

06: How do you want to die?

in my sleep because i won't notice i'm dying - or will i realize i died when i wake up? oof

07: What did you last eat?

a popia, i think it's a traditional food here.

08: Played any sports?

breathing is a sports

09: Do you bite your nails?

thankfully, no!

10: When was your last physical fight?

been a long while, last fight i remember is wrestling the tv remote from my bro and we were like kids and i'm old now ):

11: Do you like someone?

like someone i can potentially get or someone i can never? min yoongi and jeon jungkook ):

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

oof i don't think so but i might once i get desperate enough to take some adderall

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

at first i thought i don't but now that i really think about it, there's this one dude who, every time i think about him, makes me wanna puke bc of his shit hygiene and we got preeeeetty close at some point

14: Do you miss someone?

nopee

15: Have any pets?

my demons uwu

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

as of 15th dec, ya girl is tideeeee

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

naw that shit nastyy

18: Are you scared of spiders?

TERRIFIED

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yes omg

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

at my ex's place before he left the country

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

work and sleep and hopefully sleep some more

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

five is too many but i'll start off w one kitty and adopt more from there!!!

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

none, i'm a puthy ):

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english / research / acadamia. potato potato yk

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

i shudder at the idea of meeting people from my pasts lol

26: What are you craving right now?

i’m always craving for ramen!!

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

ig

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yes and no? it didn’t feel like a real relationship lmao

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

i wouldn’t say make since i asked them about why they did sumn sketchy and they ended up crying

30: What’s irritating you right now?

the shitload of work that i have ):

31: Does somebody love you?

meeee and ig my parents luv me

32: What is your favourite colour?

maroon, deep blue and grey!!

33: Do you have trust issues?

omg yes how did you know

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i don’t remember but i usually like my dreams bc it’s like watching a fantasy movie lmaooo

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t cry in front of people

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

i give out third chances lmaooooo

but ig it works out bc if they mess up after the third, then it’s bye bye for good bc they dead to me

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

to forget wooooooooo if you mess up then you’re dead to me 

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

nah bro its 2020

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

legal

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

outside like in public or just in my house? bc if the first, then neverrr

51: Favourite food?

ramen yumm

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

depends lol sometimes things just happen to inconvenience me and i don’t appreciate the person who caused it 

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

scroll my ipad

54: Is cheating ever okay?

depends lol, are you both cheating and aware of it? then yes. if only one party’s cheating and being sneaky? no i hope they get pooped by a bird every time they go out

55: Are you mean?

idk ): sum say i come off too strong but it’s only been them puthy ass men that’s said that

56: How many people have you fist fought?

my bro

57: Do you believe in true love?

yes for self-love and no for romantic kind of love, maybe for familial love

58: Favourite weather?

livin in a hot and humid country makes you appreciate the rain a bit more!!

59: Do you like the snow?

they look magical in tv!!

60: Do you wanna get married?

yea sure if the dude fits me. i don’t believe marriages are supposed to be a compromise, if you have to change something to fit the other, then that’s not really a good reason to keep being tgt for me.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

eh it’s okay

62: What makes you happy?

sleeping!!

63: Would you change your name?

i would... to cara (;

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

idk man, i don’t have any problems but depends if they wanna ykwim?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

noooooo best friends are best friends for a reason!!!

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

no but oh well i’m v comfortable w my girlfriends alr

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

uh, besides my dad and bro, ig this one friend from high school who’s like super chill

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

a friend on tumblr by the name of my fav day; rain ((((:

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

ig? i mean if they fit you then they fit you. 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

me mommy bc i appreciate her sm <3

[sarohara]

You both like friends.

You: heyo

Stranger: hey

You: wanna hear a really cool song?

Stranger: sure

You: hold up

You: name or link?

Stranger: name

You: okay

You: young the giant mind over matter

Stranger: okay hold up

You: take your time

Stranger: Damm he is getting into it

You: Yea right? ahah

Stranger: Yeah lmao

Stranger: lmk im prolly gonna regret this but let me use my best pick up line on you😂

Stranger: lmao

You: Go ahead 😂

Stranger: nah nvm I'm bouta say some dumb shit

You: I don't mind 😂

Stranger: wtf nah that shit is cheesy asf

Stranger: like cheesy cheesy

You: Cmon

You: I mean, it's up to u

Stranger: fuck im really gonna regret this alot

Stranger: okay okay game face on

You: 😂

You: you don't even know me, why would u regret it? ahahah

Stranger: Damm you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet

Stranger: bc it me I regret alot of things and now I'm regretting this shit rn

Stranger: fuck why do I gotta be so dumb

You: 20 letters of the alphabet? why?😂

Stranger: oh shit I'm dumb there's 26 letters how can I forget about u,r,a,q,t

You: AHAHAHAHAH

Stranger: See that shit is cheesy

You: I was gonna ask "what about the other 6?"

Stranger: Lmao found the other 6

Stranger: wait there is 27 u can get the d later😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Stranger: okay imma prolly go kill myself now

You: that's it? 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: I'm so so sorry u have to hear my dumbass

You: AHAHAHAHAHAH

You: You're freaking hilarious

Stranger: I hate my self now

Stranger: I'm so cheesy wtf

You: AHAHAHA

You: Stooop

Stranger: I'm never listening to tik tok ever again😂😭

You: AHAHAHA TIK TOK REALLY? 😂

You: I'm dying

Stranger: Okay no what I'm boerd and that app is okay

Stranger: and no o don't post i just scroll through

Stranger: i

You: Yea dw, I do the same😂

Stranger: Lmao im still so sorry u had to hear that

Stranger: Yo boi is running on like 2 brain cells rn

You: hey, shut up, it was cool 😂 I mean, you're funny

You: ahahahahahhaha

Stranger: funny who tf is funny everyone keeps on talking about funny but I still don't know who that mf is

Stranger: I wanna meet that dude he is obviously famous

Stranger: or her I don't really know yet

You: Who's obviously famous?

Stranger: that guy named funny

You: and well, it's funny just because it's not funny

You: AHAHHAHAHA OH MY GAWD

Stranger: yk its funny bc im dumb

Stranger: told you those 2 brain cells are kicking in

You: well, at least that made me laugh so..

Stranger: Fuck yeahhhhhhh

Stranger: look mom i did something finally

You: AHAHHAHAHA

Stranger: oh wait she is gone

You: Would she be proud?

You: ooooh

Stranger: She went to the grocery store 2 hours ago

Stranger: so we will find out when she gets back

Stranger: she will prolly still hate me but yk what thays cool

Stranger: thats

You: what mother doesn't hate her kid, right?

You: you're not alone trust me ahahaha

Stranger: Haha facts tho

You: what's ur name btw? lmao

Stranger: yk she told me that I was a mistake and yk what I'm not I won that race me I won

Stranger: all those other kids aren't here are they they are the mistakes

You: Wait, seriously?

You: I was kidding but maybe i was a mistake as well

Stranger: yes I won something and ik thats hard to belive but I did I did not get a trophy when I should have

You: ahahahhahahahahahah You won that race, you did it!

Stranger: wait they did give me trophy

You: I don't think so

Stranger: ur my trophy so I can finally show my trophy off okay that was bad I promise that was the last one

Stranger: Omg I'm going to hell

Stranger: why do I think of this shit

You: I wasn't expecting but 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: that sounded so much better in my head then I typed it out I was like wtf are you doing like are you fr fr bouta send that

You: You're fine 😂😂

Stranger: Okay I give you promise to shoot me if you would like

Stranger: I get i totally get it

Stranger: promision holly fuck my phone won't let me type

Stranger: Your like wtf he is dumb he obviously did not pass the second grade

Stranger: well jokes on you I am in the second grade

You: I'm dying actually, you're stupidly funny😂😂😂😂

You: Are u always like that?

Stranger: sadly yes do I want to be no

Stranger: God was like lets make this kid dumb asf and say cheesy things to ppl

Stranger: and I'm good at it

You: at least you're good at something, isn't awesome?😂😂😂

Stranger: obviously did you not read my pickup line like bro master piece

You: you know, you seem like that kinda person who gets embarrassed easily 😂

Stranger: Like God told me to use that pickup line on everyone so i did the only person that did not seem to care or even talk to me was the light poll outside my house

Stranger: Idk imma get it to talk to me one day

You: the light poll outside your house 😂

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: I've been trying for years can't seem to crack it yet

Stranger: I'm telling u one day its going to talk to me

You: I don't think u should do this but if u need me i'm down😂

Stranger: for what

Stranger: I should not do what

Stranger: oh shit

You: hey hey hey liste

You: listen*

Stranger: Okay im listening

Stranger: all I hear is music omg are u connect to my speaker

Stranger: Connected

You: ok so my family's calling me to lunch...i really gotta go, but can u keep in touch?

You: AHAHHAHAHA

Stranger: yes

You: yes?

Stranger: yes

You: yes!

You: what do u have?

You: idk even ur name

You: i'm sarah by the way

Stranger: Um Noah and snapchat insta Facebook venmo

Stranger: PayPal

Stranger: uber eats

Stranger: Yeah

You: ahahahhahaahahah

Stranger: I can text you on any of those

You: oh uber eats? really? i didn't now that

Stranger: yeah im ceo so I get all the secret stuff

You: ooooh you're ceo damn

You: anyway 😂

You: I do have insta & snap so..

Stranger: yeah did you know u can order food on there

Stranger: Lets do snapchat

You: yeah ofc i know that

You: ahahahhahaha

Stranger: oh you did

You: okay so it's scarval

You: ooops

You: scarvalhando

You: ***

Stranger: Boom added off uber eats

You: can we order food someday?

You: it would be awesome

Stranger: yes

You: okay noah

You: what's ur insta btw? i could follow u there as well

Stranger: I forgot I told u my name i was like omg I told a hacker my cheesy pick up line

Stranger: I'm fucked

You: 😂😂😂😂😂

You: Yeah omg i'm a hacker

You: I wish i were tho

Stranger: Oh shit please don't go through my history unless u want to see alot of cars like alot alot of cars

Stranger: And when u scroll down far enough you will see how to talk to a light poll

You: obsession with cars?😂😂

You: ooooh yeah okay

You: it seems nice, i mean, talking to a light poll, isn't?

Stranger: um a little😅

Stranger: idk it has not talked back yet

Stranger: I think its shy

You: oof that hurts 😂

You: okay okay okay

Stranger: I don't know find out on next weeks episode of dose it talk

You: 😂😂😂😂😂

Stranger: featuring little turtule and big fish rick

You: I'm gonna watch this

You: 😂

You: see ya on snap then?

Stranger: its gonna be lit and okay

You: i gotta gotta gotta gotta go

Stranger: by Sarah thank you for letting me use my cheesy pick up line on you

Stranger: bye

You: Anytime!!! 😂

Stranger: and u will hear more from my dumbass

Stranger: oh and ill lyk what my mom thinks

You: I hope 😂

You: okay i'll be waiting

You: Cya

Stranger: Okay byeeee

You: byeee

You: skip

[sophygurl]

Hi! I was just browsing through my activity and noticed that after I responded to your ask about ships a while back, you reblogged and shared your thoughts about Spuffy. I'm so glad you were able to read my opinions and understand them, even if you didn't agree with them. I just wanted to stop by and ask what your thoughts and feelings are on Spuffy? I'd love to hear your perspective :)

Oh wooooow, you have no idea how happy you just made me! I feel like I talk about spuffy quite a lot but without ever really saying much of anything because inside of me it’s just a lot of (!!!!!>?>>?!!?!>fjhghhf?!?!?!?!!?) YKWM? Like feels central exploding all over the place and it’s really difficult for me to put into coherent words. 

But I’ve also been wanting and meaning to write some serious spuffy meta and kinda dissect what it all means to me personally, as a survivor, for some time now. And like. Especially with all of this purity culture stuff coming to a head, it feels like a good time to take the time to try and do it because, yea, shit not only doesn’t have to be pure to be helpful - but sometimes the darker stuff IS the Most helpful. 

And I really did appreciate your perspective about the relationship because you talked about the ways in which it did and didn’t work for you without ever shaming anyone for the way it does work for them? And I wish we could all do that more. 

So thank you so much for sending me this ask, and asking for my perspective because sometimes all it takes for me to finally settle down and write something I wanna write anyways is to be asked by someone else to do it! 

This is absolutely gonna get long so have a read more cut.

For context, let me start by saying that I didn’t watch Buffy when it first aired - it was, mmm, I wanna say about 10-11 years ago when I decided to try it out. And while I was watching it, I was also in the midst of doing some heavy duty therapy work on my PTSD stemming from childhood sexual abuse and then some further traumas in my young adulthood that happened because of poor processing of said abuse. I’m not gonna get into details about my personal traumas except for some specific ways in which they relate to the lens in which I watched and processed the relationship between Buffy and Spike. BUT, due to that lens, there very well may be triggery content in this post. 

My experience watching Buffy, in general, started out with me being really unsure what the draw was in season 1 and then slowly getting more involved in the characters and relationships and mythos as the series developed into a more mature and nuanced show. I was really hooked by season five, and season six is my favorite, with seven a close second. 

I liked Buffy, the character, okay in the beginning but it wasn’t until she started really going through and processing her traumas that I started to personally connect to her. So season six was like, my jam. She was raw and stripped down to the nerve, and cycling between like outright rage to pure numbness and just lashing out trying desperately to feel and to make sense of her experiences and I was like - yea, Buffy, same, Same. And then in season seven she starts really contextualizing her trauma and using the pain of it to give herself more power and then sharing that power with others and it was just … fuck, I can’t even begin to tell you what that meant to me. In that last episode, I felt her handing me back my OWN power - like I FELT it - it really … anyway. We’ll get there.

And then there was Spike, who I loved right away. I love me some snarky villains. I love me the bad boy who has hidden depths inside of him. I love the villain who doesn’t … really fit the mold of the other villains in-verse. I love the villain who doesn’t mind working with the heroes if it fits his agenda. Basically, Spike was fictional catnip for me right out of the gate.

I adored Spike and Drusilla together for a lot of reasons, but for Spike to develop beyond just Big Bad, he had to fall out of her orbit, so I was okay with that ending.

On the other hand, I was never into Buffy and Angel. Watching the series as an adult, it just felt creepy to me how this old vampire basically stalked a very innocent-seeming to me teen Buffy. Their romance reminded me of girls I knew who fell for older guys when I was in high school where the older guy seemed sort of dangerous and mysterious and I get the draw from Her perspective - but not necessarily his? I don’t know, I just personally never really bought them being truly in love - they were sort of practice relationships for one another? Her as a young teenager, and him as someone just starting to re-learn humanity. I never Disliked them together… I just never shipped it. The idea of them being one another’s One True Love’s was just sorta meh to me. 

So when Spike started having his crush on Buffy? I was so ready for that. Because it was so silly at first, right? It was not serious. It was creepy and weird and wrong. But in a way that appealed to me. 

How do I explain? I guess, it had to do with all of the reasons that Spike was Not Like All The Other Villains/Vampires. Angel was always different but ONLY because he was cursed with a soul. It was a thing done TO him and when he reverted back to Angelus he was literally a whole different person and did not have any desire to turn back into Angel. When he was Angel, he was all brooding and guilt-ridden and terrified of his other self. 

But Spike was always different just because he was different. This didn’t mean he had a soul or a capacity for love or the ability to be a Good Guy. It just meant he worked a little differently than the other vampires. I truly think he loved and was devoted to Dru. I don’t think she was capable of returning that love in the same way. 

So, anyway, Spike is back and he’s split with Dru because Dru could just … tell … something was off and Spike was wanting to deny that but then suddenly - crush! Not love, not attraction, not lust, not desire - a freaking schoolboy crush.

But of course it was creepy because hello - soulless vampire who has never had a healthy relationship of any kind in his LIFE. But he starts doing these odd things, like wanting to comfort Buffy when he sees that she’s upset and being willing to take care of Dawn when no one else was available and HE doesn’t get it either, but somehow he’s becoming a slightly more decent person because of this weirdass crush? 

IDK, that’s appealing.

And let me clarify. It’s not appealing to me because I see myself in the Good Girl who can make a Bad Boy into a better person. That is never what’s appealed to be about these types of relationships. 

In large part because of my abuse, I see different layers of myself in each character. 

I went through a large portion of my life pretending very hard to be a Good Girl and then when I finally came out of denial about the abuse realized that was because inside I felt like a very Bad Girl and then as I pursued more recovery realized it’s all a lot more complex than that but really I’ve been more of a Decent Person who felt like a Bad Person trying really hard to be a Good Person. I hope that makes sense.

But the point is. I see myself in both the Good and the Bad characters in these sorts of push-pull love-hate dynamic relationships.

And what I love about spuffy, specifically, is that they’re both … both. Eventually. I’m getting ahead of myself. But yes, Spike suddenly wanting to be decent here and there because of his weird developing feelings for Buffy appealed to me - and especially to part of me that feels Bad. I’m Spike in this scenario, not Buffy. 

But I’m also Buffy, being really grossed by this Bad Person’s interest in me. When Buffy throws her money at Spike and says he’s not good enough for her - that’s me hating myself and saying I’m not good enough. But it’s also, strangely, me taking a stand and saying I’m worth better than the ways in which I was treated.

Gods, this whole abuse recovery dichotomy can be so confusing to explain because like. I never abused anyone. But the ugliness I feel inside of myself has to do with what happened to me, and also with what I know people in my family have done to others. So there’s this idea of Badness there. And the idea of there being forgiveness and redemption for that Badness is very very appealing.

And at the same time? There’s this beauty inside of myself that I always thought I was faking but that it turns out - is fucking real and precious and important. And standing up for that broken beautiful part of myself and saying no to being used and abused again is so powerful.

So in that scene? I’m the ugliness in Spike being hated by Buffy but I’m ALSO the powerful beauty in Buffy standing up for herself.

You can maybe see how this all gets even more tangled up the further we go, yea?

So Spike gets chipped and becomes a part of the team - all the while simultaneously reminding them that he’s still a Bad Guy AND slowly becoming a slightly better person because of his interactions with them and his feelings for Buffy. He’s not even close to redeemed, okay, he’s still a villain. He’s just a more and more intriguing villain, an anti-villain, even, eventually.

And then season six. And Buffy comes back. And she’s broken and raw and needing something that her friends cannot give her. She is needing to connect to the darkness inside of herself, and who is waiting there for her? 

And so yea, okay, hatesex is very appealing to me just inandofitself. It’s like double the passion and it’s animalistic and there’s something so sexy and gratifying about two people just using one another with equal force, yk? 

And Spike and Buffy are physically matched perfectly. She can take all her anger and pain and rage out on him without permanently damaging him. And she’s NEVER been able to let loose like that before. Her first time with Angel was a more tender and sweet moment and then - welp - turns out they can’t do the do. And otherwise she’s been with humans who she’s had to hold back with. There was zero holding back with Spike. 

So from Buffy’s perspective, there’s this amazing relief and release and yea, even, empowerment in being able to just freely let herself go in this way. 

From Spike’s point of view, it was about more. And here is where I feel for him because, at this point he’s still not really capable of love in the way we talk about it as being something from a soul. He’s chipped but not soul’d. He has strong feelings for Buffy that no vampire (besides cursed-soul Angel) should be able to have. But it’s not … quite … love. It’s passion and it’s care and it’s wanting and it’s even becoming something like friendship. But it’s not love, much as he thinks it is.

But he does Think it is. And he’s thinking it’s the same for her, but she just can’t admit it, yet. The hatesex to him … is just  … sex. And he fully believes he’s winning her over. And so her constant rejection of him as a fully human person with a soul and feelings guts him - even as he’s still trying to convince himself that he does love her and she does somehow secretly love him back. 

The fact that she keeps using him physically, and also keeps coming to him for emotional support, supports this belief and keeps him from understanding the reality of the situation.

Now, I think I mentioned than when I was watching this for the first time I was in heavy duty therapy mode yea? Well, there was another even heavier duty therapy mode a good tenish years prior when I had first admitted to the abuse I experienced and got really good and fucked up and made some bad personal decisions and here is where some of that comes to play because I saw myself in this scenario - again from both sides.

I am Buffy learning to enjoy the pleasures of my body and sexuality for the first time but also making really bad decisions about who to share that with because I am still so new to processing my trauma.

I am also Spike - longing for something more and better and being told (by myself) that I was not good enough, that I was bad, that I was not a full human person who deserved good things or good relationships.

(There, there, pastme - it does get better)

Back to first-time-Buffy-watching me. And I am enjoying the HECK out of the spuffy sex and I am feeling for poor pining Spike and feeling for Buffy who is hating herself for what she’s doing and also shipping them like WHOA because there is so much about their dynamic that is just sexy and fun and FEELS everywhere. 

But I knew Seeing Red was coming, because I did have a few things spoiled for me just by existing in the world for years without having watched the show yet myself. I really didn’t wanna watch it, or the rest of season six. So I got into a spiral of just watching the earlier parts of the season over and over - specifically the musical and through the 3 episodes of heavy spuffy sex. I did a LOT of processing during this time and then eventually girded myself to watch what I knew was coming. 

And Seeing Red is awful. Traumatic. Triggering. Terrible. But also, like, gods, did it make sense for where these two characters were at this point in time? I didn’t feel like it was contrived or somehow put in just for the heck of it. It made sense in the narrative. Spike legitimately just did not get it. He did not realize he was attempting rape until … finally … he did. 

And the horror of that, the horror of realizing that he almost did that to the ONE person in the world that he has ever cared that much about? Broke him. Sent him off on a magical quest to get his fucking soul back.

No one did that. Even Angel was Cursed with his soul, right? No vampire ever wanted to get their soul back - even had enough non-ensouled feelings to have the ability to want such a thing. Not to mention going through the trials of actually getting it back.

Season seven Spike is such a different beast. He’s messed up from the soul-thing, but I honestly believe Most of his messed-up-ness came from what The First was doing to/through him. Because … gods, okay.

When Spike goes through the flashbacks and recognizes what his trigger is? (Like the show legit uses PTSD terminology here - it was a Trigger) He processes his Own old traumas and he is able to tell Robin basically - fuck it, I know who I am. I know I did terrible things without my soul, but I can’t and won’t beat myself up for that (for example the way Angel does) because it wasn’t entirely my fault and all I can control now is who I am now and what I do now.

Now THAT spoke to me as a trauma survivor. Stop hanging on to all of this so-called badness inside, forgive yourself, and move on. WOW. Fucking powerful. 

And what he DOES choose to do is to be there for Buffy in any way she will allow him to.

Ensouled Spike is no longer creeping around her or making weird assumptions about her or trying to Get something From her. Ensouled Spike defends her when others attack. Ensouled Spike holds her all night when she needs it and gives her pep talks and asks what he can do to help and accepts when he can’t help and just stands there quietly willing to do battle With her. 

I just … phew… that makes me emotional. 

Because, again, I look back at some of those dysfunctional relationships I got into in my early 20′s and like. None of those fuckers would have done anything like that. 

And my attraction to the Fictional Bad Boy with a Hidden Heart of Gold was never about expecting any of them to. I was with them, unconsciously or even some cases consciously, on purpose to punish myself or to work out past traumas with or just to Feel Something. I never expected or even necessarily wanted deep love from them.

So, here’s the thing. None of those fuckers would have done anything like that for me. Nor I them. 

So Spike slowly gaining his redemption through his willingness to become a better person because of his love of Buffy? Fucking spoke to me.

And Buffy slowly accepting the darker parts of herself through her willingness to let Spike into her orbit because of her feelings for him? Fucking yes. 

And when she hands him the - shit it’s been a long time - that medallion meant for a champion? And he doesn’t think he’s worthy, but she says she knows he is. Fuck!!! That is ME accepting ME, okay? All of myself, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the messed up and the slowly healing. All of it. 

And when he sacrifices himself in the end??? When that’s how she’s finally able to defeat The First? All that power sharing with all of the other women was *chefkiss* but it also took Spike. Spike who stormed on the scene in season two with snark and a twisted sense of love and no desire to ever be a hero? That Spike!? Sacrificing himself and STILL NOT BELIEVING BUFFY LOVES HIM. 

Because by then, let’s be clear, she did. Maybe not the same way he loved her, but she did love him. And he doesn’t believe it, can’t believe himself worthy of that love. But he sacrifices himself ANYway?

THAT Spike? Is no longer asking anything in return. He gives all of himself and won’t even accept her statement of love in return. “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it anyway.” Just AUGJH?!? You know??? 

That was me … redeeming me … for me…. 

So anyway. 

I just want to add that AS I WAS WRITING THIS OUT, I got another ask in my inbox stating “People who like problematic or villainous characters are apologist for shitty people and should rethink their life because they’re shitty people.”

And this is the exact WRONG time to come for me like this because I just poured out my entire traumatized abuse surviving soul into the internet to explain why watching a problematic villain evolve and learn to do better helped ME to contextualize and process my fucking trauma. So fuck you. People who write anonymous hate without knowing the full story are being shitty and should rethink their actions because they’re shitting on actual REAL LIFE COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE. 

The end.