#i hope this is. at all coherent lol

[herefortheships]

Why do you think he fell in love with Lydia? see, it's much stronger than it was for Dolores, I'm not going to ask when because it would be complicated Bj and Lydia have such opposite personalities

Love this question! And to be honest, ever since I watched BJBJ I've been wondering about this. Because, to me, at least when I first watched the movie, I got to the conclusion that he must have fallen in love with her over the years; that he never had any true romantic inclinations towards Lydia in the first movie. So I had to wonder, what changed?

This answer got long... So I'll put a little summary, Tl;Dr answer here: I think there's an in-canon reason he fell for her and a meta reason why Tim Burton and co decided to make Betelgeuse be in love with Lydia in canon. The in-canon reason: Opposites attract. She is exactly his type: a dark, mysterious beauty. Plus her calm demeanor suits his unhinged nature. Their energies play nicely off each other, completing and balancing each other in a way no one else could, whether Lydia realizes it now or not. Lydia also never seemed to mind ugly, scary, dark things, and Betelgeuse is kind of all of that. At some point he grew fond of her and started needing this sweet, dark beauty in his (after)life. The meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse are a favorite "Burton Couple", almost right there with Jack and Sally, at least to a LOT of people.

Now to the long answer, because I totally always write a lot (below the read more cut bc this one got pretty long):

I think to properly answer why he fell in love with her, I do need to get into the when. And this is where I might have to put a "trigger warning" just in case, since I will touch upon how he felt towards Lydia in the first movie, when she was a teenager. Anyone uncomfortable with that needs to click away now. We're going to analyze this with the context and nuance of Betelgeuse's backstory. Context and nuance tend to be overlooked a LOT when the purity factions of fandom want to impose moral superiority upon other members of the fandom, so maybe placing the "trigger warning" may not be enough, but, anyway, you've been warned about the topics of this post.

The context and nuance: Betelgeuse, when alive, lived in the time of the bubonic plague, this means he was alive during the 1300s, presumably in Italy. At that time, marrying a 15-16 year old was socially acceptable and normal. Heck, even younger than that (as unacceptable as that seems to us today in our modern times). So it wasn't that strange as it is today. The reason is that people often didn't get to live past 30. The average, oldest age of death around the time was 60 years old. It was also common for men of the time (and where Betelgeuse lived in Italy, and Europe, as I’m reading in these articles) to marry much later than women, as in it was common for men in their 30s and 40s to marry a 14 year old (which I believe is even younger than Lydia was in that movie, not sure). All of that is in that article. That depends entirely on social ranking though; if he was lower class often people married for convenience and I'm not sure but I think age wasn't a factor to consider when people were struggling. In Europe even in the 1800s you'd see age gaps in marriages. //Edit: and America! For some reason my brain when I wrote this at midnight thought Poe was European 💀.// Edgar Allan Poe married a 13 year old when he was 27, for example (which I totally find super weird, personally, but at their time it wasn't a super weird thing as it is today, as far as I've read; it was also normal to marry a cousin around that time in the upper class and upper middle class, or so I've seen). Was Tim Burton aware? Who knows. But at least I'm putting this out there as the context why it isn't weird for Betelgeuse the character to see a teenager as someone of marrying age. We also know he didn't want to marry her in the first movie because he was in love with her; she was a means to an end, more than anything, regardless of any interest he had in her due to her looks etc.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way we can keep talking. Even though I joined the Beetlebabes fandom only after the second movie, and shipping these two characters never once crossed my mind throughout the years of me watching the first movie, after some thought and after rewatching the movie with the knowledge of where the story goes after the events of that movie, I can definitely see that Betelgeuse became interested in Lydia ever since the first movie, and also why he's head over heels for her in the present.

Even though I still think he fell in love over the years after the events of the first movie, I think he became smitten with her since the first movie. Here's why he fell for her: For starters, she is a dark and mysterious beauty, and that seems to be his type (look at Delores, also a dark beauty). We can actually see the moment he first shows interest in her in the first movie, when he saw her while in his snake form. She was the only one he did not hurt. He only stared at her, almost like he was taken aback by her. When Barbara banishes him back to the model, we have that little moment when he mentions he feels the only one he can make a deal with in that house is "Edgar Allan Poe's daughter", meaning Lydia. And we have the little horny joke, so if you wanna throw that one in there as evidence he became interested in her here, then sure you can. As this happens directly after he's seen Lydia face to face... Rember the context above before you want to call him a pdfler or something... please. He is Not.

Then later when she meets him in his real form, she doesn't seem startled or scared that she's in the presence of a demon/ghost. In fact, she just simply asks him "are you a ghost, too?" and that's when he starts making some conversation. He realizes she can see him and communicate with him. You can tell at this point he is intrigued by her. She is the only one he's shown a sort of sensitivity to in the entire movie. He asks her "why?" when she says she wants to go in to the after life (essentially, that she wants to di e). He doesn't try anything naughty with her; instead, next time he sees her when she asks for his help, he proposes the marriage.

Now, at the time I don't think he loved her or even cared much about her; at this time he just wanted out and here was an eligible woman, who was not only beautiful and available, she could also see him and needed his help, which he used as his way to try to get out of the afterlife. I think once they got rid of him, and he realized he could still connect with her over the years, his interest in her grew and he started really growing fond of her until inevitably he fell in love.

Lydia is physically his type, but there's also a calmness to her that plays against his unpredictable, unhinged personality. She's someone who can balance him, and he's someone she could hold on to; there's an energy in him that she can use. Of course Lydia doesn't yet see how she'd be compatible with someone like him, but from an outsider's perspective, they really compliment each other's personalities. She's calm and quiet; he's crazy and loud. She's reserved; he's outgoing. She's a dark cloud; he's high-energy, like sunshine. Etc. Opposites attract. 💚

Now finally, the meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse seem to be a favorite "Burton couple" not only to Tim Burton himself (and the cast of the movie themselves!) but also to a great number of people. There's people who grew up watching the Beetlejuice cartoon series and didn't even watch the first movie, who for years had the idea that these two characters actually adore each other. There were people who were going in to watch this movie with that context only. And there were even people who were going to watch the sequel as their introduction to Beetlejuice (like my mom's best friend, for example! She loved the sequel but has NEVER watched the first movie nor the cartoon. She also wanted Betelgeuse and Lydia to end up together after watching this one, by the way). From a meta perspective, Lydia and Betelgeuse are just a fan favorite couple and an inseparable pair. So partly the choice to make it canon that at least he is absolutely in love with her comes from this expectation that many people had for these two characters. It just feels natural; they're just an iconic Burton pair.

[sensitiveheartless]

…I just had such a moment, which maybe says a bit too much about what kind of mental state I’ve been in — for some reason I thought it was already June, I guess?? Or maybe my brain rewrote Dazai’s birthday as being May 19? Anyway, one way or another I thought Dazai’s birthday was next week. So disregard that part of my post yesterday, the dazai-a-day for a week thing that I’m doing is now just a self-indulgent thing that has nothing to do with Dazai’s birthday lol

Anyway sorry for any confusion that caused! My brain has not been doing very well this week, but today has been better enough for me to notice my mistake at least 👍

[jazzically]

i love the fear domains dont get me wrong but when i first heard about "bringing the world closer to all the fears" i kinda imagined it would be like... experiencing every single fear at once. staring at the unimaginably endless sky filling all of your corners while poised, frozen, clamped to the infinite earth by knives and guns and chains and silk and roots, feeding upon nothing but memories of raw and impure butchery, praying for your body to decay, dreading those who overcome you no matter what remains, who make your blood into their home, your soul and skin inseparable; and all the while your eyes can see nothing and nothing but black like smoke and yet you feel your own gaze spread among every particle of the universe; watch as you wonder whether it is real (whether you are real; what is a you? maybe everything and nothing were you all along) and lose every one of those wanderings of your mind to taut strings which steal your breath and open your mouth and force you to speak their mind, meaningless words resonating for nobody; the only occupant of an unforgiving planet, levelled smooth by loss, every inch of it covered with absence, wishing with all your heart that your release never appears to assert its final and complete conclusion... yknow?

[cerberus-new-owner]

do over cause i went to save this as a draft to look at something and there was an error (im fuckin crying rn, yes i broke my self censoring streak but this desrved it)

Helloooooooooooooo

sooooooooo it caught my attention that the dumb little sleeping heacannons i made a while ago caught your attention sooooooo

i may be interested in writing a part two but for the Angels + Solomon (raph not included) (btw this is like a rn thing like you're reading the post RN)

part three with barbie and dia at some point too if i remeber (they were originally going to be in this part but i got lazy lol)

Part 1 - The brothers Part 2 - The Angels + Solomon Part 3 - Diavolo + Barbatos

Content thingy-o - GN!mc, implied romance between mc solomon and simeon (seprate) (not luke), slight angst for simeon and lukes parts, mentions of asmodeus and barbatos, pet names for simeon and solomon

Simeon

w/o mc - he is a light sleeper like mother let kid sleep in their own room but is paranoid that something may happen (him and luke cause i hc that luke has night terrors often) he does let luke sleep in his bed if luke has a really bad nightmare or is just really shaken up for whatever reason, doesn't snore but does sleep talk and sleep walk usually to lukes room out of habit of checking on baby luke but occsionally just stands in the corner of solomons room mumbling random things almost creepily (need eggs for the cookies and flour for the cupcakes), i've said this many times before but w i n g s c a n b e b l a n k e t mans sleeps with his wings out as a blanket.

w/ mc - pretty much the exact same buuuuuuuuut cuddle positions!! (i promise i'll add this to the brothers version) love love loves it when him or mc lays on the others chest and he will use his wings to hold mc closer to him also loves big spoon little spoon mainly big spoon so he can wrap his wings around mc (cant tell me he doesn't love holding/hugging/cuddling mc with his wings) will use his wings to block out any morning sun light (if they're in the human realm its a good excuse to sleep in 'simeon, i have to get up its late' 'no you dont angel,its still dark' 'no it isn't, your just using your wings block the sun out') he's also pretty cold and enjoys teasing mc with the power of his freezing cold hands like just placing them on their back or something suddenly to feel the jolt of mc jumping at the sudden temperature change

Luke

w/o mc - frequent night terrors like cannot sleep kinda night terrors so simeon has to help him get back to sleep or atleast try ('luke i promise nothing like that will happen to me' 'are you sure'), he is a restless sleeper he is all over his bed at once and he has like a million plushies on his bed if any fall off he's appologising immediantly, he snores but not loudly like average kind of snores, and like simeon but also not like him (like father like son type a stuff) luke sleeps with his wings out (i feel like its a realm wide kind of thing in the celestial realm) but his wings are not quite blanket size for himself so he does have to use a blanket at night

w/ mc - he's mostly the same (he has slapped both mc and simeon on accident due to his restlesness) but he will bring one plushie with him if he does end up going to simeons room to sleep, also best sleep he'll ever get is when mc is with simeon cause he knows that they're safe with simeon but more importantly if he has a nightmare theres the chance that mc will go to comfort him ('m- mc? i had another *sniffle* nightmare' 'it's okay luke 'm here') it'd help especially if his nightmare is about something bad happening to mc and when he'd end up sleeping in simeons bed he'd be inbetween mc and simeon both of his parental figures helping him go back to sleep helps him to not have night mares or terrors

Solomon

w/o mc - when he does sleep he sleep talks like very big sleep talker tends to accidentally say spells in his sleep or summon asmodeus and/or barbatos in his sleep ('solomoooooooon honey i told you t-' 'so you got summoned by the sleeping bastard at midnight too?') he sleeps sprawled out starfish on his stomach probably still in his uniform (he does not give two craps) average sleeper too like not too deep of a sleep but not too light of a sleep, he will wake up when ever he hears simeon running to lukes room or when simeon is doing the creepy corner stand thing though

w/ mc - he sleeps alot more often still sleep talks and occasionally summons asmo or barbs but not as often stops sleeping starfish but still prefers to sleep on his stomach (which leads us to cuddlessssss) feel like he'd prefer to be ontop of mc like head resting on chest but like face down asleep hugging them as they either play with his hair or sleep, mans if also probaby burning hot so no need for a blanket when you have him ('solomon you're too hot' 'i know i am but you're way hotter my little aprentice' 'solomoooooooon you know what i mean')

edit part thing (i forgot to say goodbye oops)

GOODBYEEEEEEEEEEE AND THANK YOU FOR READINGGGGGG have a goooooood night, day, lunch, brunch, afternoon, pencil idk just have a good one!

Obey Me one Master List to rule them all

[sualne]

Listen as someone who has been obsessed with vampires like my entire life (but not in a ooh there sexy way its like the symbolism man of what vampires can mean) i am a huge fan of your op vanpire au.

I know you just made a post with lore (amazing art btw) but is there anything else about the au you want to talk about. Id love to hear everything

there's a lot of things i want to talk about the au!! im going to use the frantic energy from the year to get myself some bravery and say some of it is inspired by my own experiences with hallucinations and delusion (dont ask about it pls), with the au i want to explore what it would be like having the person who changed you being very literally stuck with you.

i love stories where characters end up sharing a mind and/or body, i also really dont like when its just good person vs bad person, nuance is a lot more fun lol. the relationship luffy and mingo will be forced into stuck as they are is something important to me. mingo is an awful monster but since he can feel everything luffy does he ends up trying to teach him how to live as a vampire, how to take care of himself. im also very found of the concept of parasite (they're literally the worst thing ever and so fucking scary, so naturally they keep coming up in my stories).

it's also about luffy's body and mind failing him, because of the mindlink he has a hard time knowing where he is, sometimes who he is, what is relationships were supposed to be with others, it gets complicated for him! how hard it is to go through one's daily life when your sense are all messed up! (mingo also struggles with that a bit, but this isn't about him, even thought it's new for him too he get used to it much more easily for plot convenience).

other's ppl reaction to the situation also, i feel, completely unconsciously was also incidentally inspired by my own fear of being seen as a monster or dangerous, something to be put down or locked away!

there's also a few jokes in that lore post that reflects this here:

bugs are a pretty common brand of hallucination, be they crawling in the corner of your sight or inside you, making you feel like a walking hives, this was a funny reference to that!

"surprisingly he doesn't start biting people or become violent." this is my not very subtle "mentally ill and neurodivergent folks aren't inherently dangerous pls stop killing us". the occasional euphoria from bloodthist is vaguely inspired by some manic episode, the happy kind.

there's more, about the way this is about trauma and feeling alienated, i guess this is also a "character realize they've got a disorder/develop one and now has to live with it" kind of story.

[solarsunshine]

something that has been really getting to me as i’ve fallen back into destiel and all it’s insanity, is how little people understand the pressure of being queer in red states. like, in no other fandom have i seen the amount of normal world/no power au’s that i’ve seen in spn/destiel verse, so you would think that there would be at least a little understanding/research onto how queer people live and stay safe in conservative cities or in the case of the small town au’s, places with less than 15,000 people? instead i see an abundance of fics where dean is closeted and that makes him the central focus of conflict/the “problem” in the relationship, or the fact that he’s closeted means he has to be suffering from internalized homophobia. as someone who has lived in red states while being very queer, for a lot of other folks being in the closet means safety, not repression. sometimes the closet door’s purpose is to keep people out, rather than keeping us in. there is a very prevalent idea in the minds of a lot of LGBTQIA+ people that small town/midwest/southern queer folks are all repressed, or that freedom means leaving our homes to be out and proud, and i’m not saying that that isn’t true for some people. but for others, we feel that our liberation comes from loving and being loved in the places we’re rooted in. when living in a largely christian and/or conservative town, county, or even state, having the ability to feel love and be loved is freedom and protest all in of itself. whether the couple holds hands on main street or only in their shared apartments (*whispers* and they were roommates) doesn’t negate the fact that they are living queerly and are alive and finding joy in a place that would rather see us dead. to wrap this up (and bring it back onto destiel lol), i do think that dean would be a character that does repress his sexuality, but i don’t think that it’s solely because he’s from freaking kansas. i would rather see how his relationships with family, he’s own self-worth issues, and past relationships affect him, instead of a lot of the stereotyping the fandom does of both him and queer culture in conservative environments. (and please can we stop with the urban, worldly castiel coming in to bring enlightenment and social reform to poor, hick dean? it’s giving classism and i hate that this dynamic is so popular😭)

[lesbiandarvey]

wait amanda if you for real wanna talk about aspect ratios pls dump ur thoughts here i’m fascinated and would love to hear more <3

ohmygod . ohmygod!!!!! okay so (idk how much you know so im gonna start from the beginning)

television of the 20th century was filmed in whats called the 4:3 aspect ratio (4 units wide by 3 units tall). basically it was more of a square because people's tvs were fat and square shaped (see above). and! basically the 4 to 3 aspect ratio forced actors together to fit in the frame which is how you get scenes like this (from Sports Night, 1998)

they have to practically sit in each other's laps to be able to fit in the frame!

whereas, around the turn of the millennia mark, when people started having "widescreen" hd tvs, the aspect ratio changed to what movies where filmed in, aka 16:9. and now everything is in 16:9 because everyone has hd/widescreen tvs AND watch tv on their laptops (also 16 to 9)

but 16:9 is sooo spread out you have spacing like this from the americans

now the americans is a bit of a poor example because its a show that uses so much negative space stylistically, but you get the picture. there's just sooo much extra room in the 16:9 ratio, that pushes the actors apart and we dont get that fun closeness of the 4:3

now! seinfeld (and mash, and other famous, digitally remastered shows of the 20th century that are available on streaming) is really where the rubber meets the road. because seinfeld (among others) was FILMED in the 4:3 ratio, but when it was digitally remastered for netflix it was TURNED INTO the 16:9 ratio, so the actors are all tacked together, but when you watch it (on netflix) theres all this unused space around the actors (THAT YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE! THE DIRECTOR DID NOT INTEND FOR THE AUDIENCE TO SEE THAT!) i cant prove it cus i cant screenshot netflix anymore but you can really see it when the four of the them are in the frame in jerrys apartment and you can also see his desk and his kitchen. basically its just a version of the show we were not meant to see and it BOTHERS ME. most egregious is the episode "the pothole" where in the original 4:3 theyre looking down at it but in the netflix version you cant see it!!!!

what was i talking about? oh yeah okay so basically television used to be filmed in a square and the actors had to sit in each others laps to be able to be in the frame at the same time and now television is all stretched out and theyre like, miles away from each other. i hope this helps<3

[raiiny-bay]

finished dhes & kel's character pages so here are the lil edits i made for both of em :-)

[vampyretaemin]

trying to figure out the symbolism of the eternal trailers. this isnt gonna have some strong conclusion on the theme, im just writing out my thoughts :)

first lets talk about the "emotion ver" trailer. i'm going to refer to the version of taemin in the lighter area as light taemin and the one in the darker area as dark taemin.

here we see light taemin in a bathtub surrounded by plants and flowers vs dark taemin in a empty bathtub in a lifeless room. light taemin is in a much smaller bathtub in a smaller room, plants blooming all over with curtains and streamers (?) surrounding it. dark taemin is in a lifeless concrete room, no plants or light to be seen, but it is incredibly open and empty, a direct contrast to the almost congested room light taemin is in. is there something here about how even in places that seem beautiful, they can be suffocating? beauty doesnt negate the negative effects a place has on you?

i was also curious if an empty bathtub specifically had any symbolism so i googled it. it seems to represent emptiness, desire for cleanliness and purification, and possibly even fear of change. i think its interesting an empty bathtub is in both locations. both the dark and light versions are empty and looking for purification, yet are afraid of change.

here, light taemin is sitting in a seat almost like a throne, surrounded by living pansies, to the point where hes almost overrun by them. his eyes are closed as if hes sleeping. in contrast, the darker room only has one pansy, growing through the cracks of the concrete room. its not meant to be here. it fought to bloom here. dark taemin is fascinated with it, and the mirrored version of him shakes his head and tells him not to touch it.

the pansy blooming in the dark is obviously symbolic of growing despite hardships. blooming into yourself despite everything working against you. i also believe its directly connected to his emotions. but why does the version of taemin in the mirror shake his head? who is this version of taemin? he must be a part of the curious taemin, some part of him telling him to be less curious, to stop messing with things he shouldnt.

the melancholy of light taemin, barely moving, eyes closed and lounging. acceptance of where he is vs the curiosity of dark taemin. despite the darkness and emptiness, he's still curious. he touches the wall, investigates the pansy, and looks at the mirror for guidance. i think light taemin is empty despite being in a blooming space, and dark taemin is full of curiosity and life despite being in an empty and lifeless space.

now, who is this version of taemin? he is in the same light place, holding a singular pansy. i want to assume its the one from the basement area. is this the true taemin, and all other versions are inside of him? is it a symbolic manifestation of the different versions of himself within, or is this some kind of mastermind who is manipulating all the other versions of himself? is this the one true taemin? if so, who is the dark figure in the motion trailer?

now lets look at the "motion ver" trailer. we see this veiled taemin leaving the area the light and dark taemins were trapped in. when i first watched this, i thought the cloaked taemin slipped in after him, but upon this rewatch i realized the veiled taemin looks at the cloaked taemin. he sees him and leaves anyways, letting him in. if this is the True taemin, and all the other versions are inside of him, what does it mean that there is still another version of himself, and that he allowed this cloaked version in? he literally let the darkness in, willingly and on purpose.

if this pansy symbolizes growing through hardships and blooming in impossible situations, what does it mean for this version of taemin to crush it and smear it on his face? is this an act of destruction and anger or is he embracing it by making it a part of him? i dont believe this cloaked version of taemin is supposed to be evil, taemin literally never makes things black and white like that, so there must be another meaning to this.

i also think motion vs emotion is interesting. feeling vs doing. thinking vs acting. in the emotion version we see the many different versions of taemin sitting and standing around, investigating things, culminating into the veiled version of taemin. in the motion version, this veiled taemin leaves and the cloaked taemin enters and crushes the pansy. i think in the emotion version, we see them feeling and thinking about their situation. in the motion version, we see the version of taemin thats ready to take action. the veiled taemin, the emotional version, leaves and allows the motion version, the one who is prepared to take action, to enter this space (mental space? is this a representation of his mind?). the veiled version is letting the darkness in and embracing it because this cloaked version of taemin is the one thats willing to act and do what is necessary to get what they want.

also, i know pansies represent shinee world. ive seen people joke like "if pansies represent shawols, how does taemin feel about us if hes crushing them?" but i dont think its inherently a negative thing. things can be both negative and positive at the same time. i think it (in part) represents his hopes and the love he has for his fans, it symbolizes the growth hes experienced as an artist and a person, but being famous is tough. hes talked a lot about his feelings in regards to this. having so many people looking at you and so many lights shining on you is suffocating. i think it shows that the pansy is a light in the dark, but too much of a good thing can be bad. its two sides of the same coin.

taemin has always played with the duality in everything he does, and that has definitely extended to this new concept. i'm very excited to see if my theories are supported or if they fall apart with the rest of the teasers and the music video. i expect my theories to be flipped upside down. we'll see lol

[candycryptids]

Reading up and going through the tags for Tuesday is VERY interesting...but given the nature of who (or I guess what) he is I have to ask. Does he ever experience any glitches/malfunctions?

ヽ(o♡o)/ THANK YOU he’s my weird little guy I’m so flattered you find him interesting (♡˙︶˙♡)

His early design was intended to be simple, and then rapidly spiraled down a rabbit hole of added features to be of use to either Chuu and later Keathan, who Tuesday was sent off to since she could not be forced at gunpoint to go to Ishgard (she does eventually. She was just. Extremely resistant.)

Which means there’s some places where there were mild hiccups… like walking and talking is hard for him and he WILL either walk straight into obstacles or stop randomly (mid step, which looks somewhat silly) (less of a malfunction and more of a… processing overload I’d suppose though…)

He also can learn and use Blue Magic? Though he’s typically kitted for Black, since it’s more reliable, and Keathan knows it, so they can guide him in the technique. Some Blue can be hard on the body so it was a sort of failsafe to just prevent it from the start. (That…. And he’s done the in-game equivalent of fat-fingering a button he hadn’t meant to. It took months to get the Bad Breath smell out of Chuu’s clothes when she got caught in the radius. He was supposed to aqua cannon. To this day he’s still not sure why ‘water cannon’ and ‘noxious poisonous breath’ felt identical, and Chuu is still not sure if it was actually a bug or if Tuesday was just seeking retribution for installing his arms backwards that one time. (She could never really get the glitch to repeat…)

There’s several points in his development where he has a learning curve, like when Chuu upgrades from pre-programmed movements and walk-cycles to ‘learned’ movements (It was LESS processing to let Tuesday move everything himself than to run movement files in succession to do things like pick up cups and such. Especially since not everything is uniformly placed..) so he had to learn grip strength and moving his arms/legs— and not chopping through the cutting board, or picking up a pillow and flinging it straight into the air overhead because he didn’t recall he had to keep HOLDING it. Lots of ‘doesn’t recognize how much force is necessary’ and ‘learning to walk all over again sucks’ kinda moments until he gets his sea legs so to speak. Being a person is hard.

And writing this all down I do think it would be funny if he had a glitch at one point that swapped his vocal cadence and diction so that he started singing like it was a gd musical…. Ballad of Dragons of somethin’ I’m sure a moogle would laugh

[trashlie]

ILY FP 219 (or, The One That Went to the Top of My Favorites List)

Hehehe is that an enticing enough, non-spoiler preview for you? lol I want so badly to tell everyone WHY they should be sure to FP this episode, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Not that I think knowing what’s in there will ruin it, but I think the impact of going into it without knowing is just SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL. It’s BEAUTIFUL okay? That’s why you should read it - it’s beautiful! 

Idk where to begin with this one!!!! Over 24 hours later, sorting out my emotions is still difficult because I just keep wanting to climb the walls and start shrieking lmao AAAAHHHHHHHH! 

Those of us who are patrons of quimchee’s got a little teaser for this episode - the first part was SUPPOSED to post with 218, and quimchee said that 213-219 are all supposed to be parts of one much, MUCH bigger episode, so you know, if you want to read them all together, there you go! But anyway, even getting a little teaser of it last week, this episode was still full of so much new, and even what we got to see still hit just as strong. UGH. LISTEN. 

When the music hit me and I realized what it was? As we kept scrolling and Shinae furtively snuck back in? I CRIED okay lmao I CRIED. How long has it been since Nol last celebrated his birthday? When was the last time someone made him feel special on this day? Because he sure hasn’t allowed himself to. He hasn’t spent a birthday with friends - I mean, hell, this is the first time he’s even HAD friends who mean anything - and after everything they’ve gone through, everything he put them through, to see them show up just meant SO MUCH to me. I had no doubts that Dieter and Soushi would come through for Nol, but I didn’t think we’d get to see it so soon, either. I was so concerned that there’d been no time for them to talk at the party, that Soushi’s first indication that Nol was even there at all was seeing him fall into a glass table! Finding him bleeding out in the snow. 

How harrowing it must have been for them - at least Shinae has gotten to talk to him a little, has a little more insight into who he is, why he did what he did. I’m sure, in time, Dieter and Soushi will come up to speed, whether through Shinae or Nol himself, but even now, even with them NOT knowing or understanding, I think it makes it even more special that they showed up. Nol has been there when they needed him, whether they wanted it or not. He always had their backs, had a way of making them feel like they were special, like they matter. And now they all got to do the same for him, to return that favor. As readers, we know that Nol began those relationships with no real intentions, never intending those friendships to become real, but they did, both ways. There was something about Soushi’s commentary that really did me in - about how he doesn’t have bullies coming around anymore and even if he did, he’s got a buddy whose got his back ;~; How he went from wanting to take help from no one to coming around to the weirdly insistent boy. 

I love, LOVE, LOVE how all of their gifts related to the beginnings of their relationships. Again, it’s something about how it began on false pretenses, but how it became real and came to mean something to all of them that just really gets to me! I don’t know how to articulate it, the feeling of these people who desperately needed someone, being able to be that to Nol, that even though he’s tried to push them away, to run away, even though they have no explanation for his behavior, they still are there for him when he desperately needs it. I kept waffling for a long time on whether I thought Nol was intending to ghost everyone after prison, going back and forth even as he and Shinae talked in Minhyuk’s room. “Is he telling her this because he doesn’t plan to stick around?” But especially after all of these hospital scenes, I feel pretty confident that’s not his plan. Just like Soushi and Shinae never really intended to accept Nol’s friendship and thought they were fine on their own, I think Nol may be having that moment for himself.

Or, rather, I think he’s at a crossroads and is at war with himself. On the one hand, he doesn’t believe he deserves any of this. The way he talks about his birthday is so SAD; Shinae is right, people don’t talk like that! Was it a difficult pregnancy that Nessa had with Nol? Did his birth cause her harm? Is it just the circumstances he feels guilty for? Maybe he believes she’d be okay if she’d never conceived him? Maybe it’s because of his relation to the Hiraharas? He talks about people stepping on the burger - that definitely feels like it’s about the Hirahraras, taking his existence and making him feel insignificant and wrong, like he shouldn’t exist. But it’s the way he talks about the mistreatment of the cow sent to the slaughterhouse. It sounds like that’s about his mom - which could be the most he’s ever said about her. If his birthday is the burger, then the cow that became the burger would be her, right? I still have so many questions, ngl. Nol clearly has a complicated relationship with the memory of his mother - we know his childhood, before they left home, were his happiest memories, but at the same time, he can’t speak of the happy memories, or really, her at all. I don’t think the guilt is simply that he exists, and there’s more to it, whether it’s misconstrued on his behalf or just more puzzle pieces we’re missing. 

At any rate, Nol carries a heavy weight of guilt and has denied himself any joy or happiness, has never allowed himself to ENJOY things, lest they go awry. Probably like with his mom, and like with Shinae, a connection with him seems to end in danger. Of course, that’s not true - people end up in danger because of their own choices, and the choices of those around them - but again, we are talking about the way Nol views himself and the world. I think this is a big thing, too, because I’ve been thinking a lot about identity and perception lately, but I’ll try to get to that in a moment. 

For so long, Nol has been content with his self-inflicted punishment, but then he accidentally made real friends along the way. His quest to help people went off track. And for a while, he tried to fix that. He pulled away, he stopped responding, he tried to completely and cleanly cut them off, he drew the line and let them know. But here they still stand after it all, and he can’t help but appreciate that. The way my stupid heart flipped when he hugged Dieter and Soushi and told him he loved him. That feels like the most genuine expression we’ve seen on him in a long time - and for him to be so forthright with them, to even use that word at all! This is what makes me feel certain he doesn’t intend to ghost them. Why would he tell them that if he planned to leave? Why would he accept and embrace their friendship if he didn’t want it? And that’s the thing, isn’t it? His internal war is his wants vs what he thinks he deserves. It’s the fear that he brings harm to people, but that DESPERATE LONGING for that closeness. 

Throughout ILY we’ve seen so many times Nol wanted to reach out and denied himself the opportunity, for whatever reason. Countless times he’s reached out to Shinae only to close his hand into a fist and restrain himself. All that loneliness is haunting. I think it’s around the time they went to the arcade that Nol knew these relationships were real, and it was the arrival of Yui that reminded him he can’t do this, he can’t let his guard down, he can’t indulge his desires like this. To have that taste for friendship, for what it feels like to just let go, to be around people who don’t spend all their time trying to tear you apart, to be around people who CHOOSE your company, who CHOOSE to be with you? And then to retreat? He tasted something so sweet but had to give it up.

And now, after everything he’s done, they still show up for him, they still sat by and watched over him, they still came to CELEBRATE him? How can he continue to deny himself this? How can he close his fist and walk away from it? 

But, and my god I realize this is a very verbose point lmao, the point I’m getting at is, in the same way that Soushi and Shinae refused his friendship, in the same way that they thought they were better off on their own, I think Nol is at that same crossroad - is he better off alone? How bad is it, if he indulges just a little? 

I hope he thinks long and hard about what Shinae said very early in the evening, too. Whether or not he believes he puts people in danger, it’s not his call to make. Friendship is a two-way road and they, also, deserve to make their choice, to choose him despite the danger. It wasn’t Nol that put Shinae in danger. Maybe in a convoluted way you could say so - she’d never have called on Kousuke for that favor he owed her for getting Nol to the hospital the night of the masquerade - but regardless, Yui acts on her own. I realize this is not easy for Nol to see, because of what a deep-seated belief this is, but I hope it’s something he’ll consider more and more. 

There’s so much I could write about the birthday party ALONE. How wonderful it was to see them all together again after all this time, the sweet callbacks to their beginnings demonstrating how far they’ve come, how much they mean to each other. Nol is SO loved, and I hope he learns to wear that love as a much needed suit of armor. What does it matter that his family is trash, when this, his found family, makes up for it in so many ways? What does it matter that some people chose to make him feel insignificant, when he has people who choose to celebrate him, and the fact that he’s in their lives? ;~; That little happy smile and blush he wears when Shinae pointedly tells him they want to spend this night making him feel special ;~; It fucks me up lmao like lakjfkjafkjaf I’M GETTING WEEPY WRITING THIS ALL OVER AGAIN LMAO 

NOL DESERVES TO BE CELEBRATED. HE DESERVES TO FEEL SPECIAL. He came into their lives and individually made them all better. There’s an argument to be made that it was Kousuke’s financing that made Soushi’s life better, but we know that HE chooses Nol. That his companionship with Nol makes his life better. If not for Nol, where would they even be? He deserves to be celebrated because he’s brought so much good into other lives! And he deserves a return of that, too. All the good he tried to put into the world to counter the guilt he wears, all the good he denied himself and thus brought to others. GOD. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ;~; I LOVE THEM, I LOVE THIS GANG I hope in the future we get to see more of them, now that we know how close their bond is, how much they mean to each other ;~; 

DIETER’S ORIGAMI DUCKIES AND THE LITTLE BIRTHDAY MESSAGES! THE CALLBACK TO NOL AND THEIR MORNING RUNS AND THE STILLNESS OF THE WATER AND THE DUCKIES ;~; Apologizing that these aren’t the best presents, that there’s no cake, but aren’t they? Isn’t this the best? There’s something about people spending their time and energy to create something for you that REALLY gets to me. Every time a friend hand-makes something for me, I just cry and cry lmao. Maybe origami duckies and happy birtday on a cake isn’t a lot of effort - but the point is that they TRIED. That at the last minute, they came up with something to try to return the kind of friend he’s been to them. They ARE the perfect gifts. What else could he possibly need more than to know that he is important to them and means so much? 

AND THAT WAY HE LOOKS OVER AT SHINAE, THE WAY SHE QUICKLY LOOKS AWAY, THE FLUSTERING, THE LITTLE BUTTERFLIES WE FEEL ON HER BEHALF!!!!! AUGH. 

I find it so cute and funny that Shinae was too shy to give Nol her gift at the same time, feeling that it paled in comparison to Dieter’s duckies, but personally, I think it’s right on par. Just like their messages, Shinae’s gift harkens back to the earliest days of her friendship with Nol, the orange soda she spilled on him, the fear he’s allergic to oranges lol, what she drew on his face the day following at that deli lol “You don’t suck that much” All the way back in episode 4, she told him “You’re a human first. And humans suck.” WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!!!!! Idk like, to me here gift was so on par, but also, it’s something that conveys a sense of feelings and being who she is, I don’t blame her for feeling a little shy about it.

ESPECIALLY COS MY GOD THERE’S SO MUCH SHYNESS IN THIS EPISODE MY GOD!!!!!!!! 

It’s been long established that I am here for the soft shit, the tender shit, for little stolen moments laced with intimacy, stolen little moments of calm in an otherwise turbulent storm. IT’S MY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! Dieter and Soushi on the spare bed in the room, while Shinae lays her head again on Nol’s bed, the both of them refusing to sleep. Shinae probably fears that he’ll disappear if she sleeps, that he’ll slip through her fingers; Nol probably worries that when he wakes this will be over, the calm, the good feelings. There’s something so TENDER about them trying to delay the inevitable, to stretch the last remining time. And, again, with Dieter and Soushi sleeping (god I hope Dieter is sleeping), everything that follows just feels again like a little stolen moment, just like every other moment they share together. 

The shift in Nol and Shinae’s relationship dynamic is practically palpable. How many times has she gotten flustered over his gaze this night? How many times has she been unable to hold that gaze?! I’m a sucker for this! There’s likely a number of reasons that have brought this reaction out of it. It reminds me a lot of episodes 117 and 118 with the nugget crushing hand holding and the shared music moment - how Shinae marveled over her hands afterward, how she had to go lmao hold Minhyuk’s hand to feel it out. That, and the little flashback snippet of Nol doing her make up at the formal seem to be the times that Shinae has been most affected by Nol, and I think in a lot of ways they resonate with the version of him she knows now. But that’s the other thing. She knows more than Dieter and Soushi do and through that, she’s aware of that significance and I think it’s absolutely affected her. They’ve been so incredibly vulnerable with each other all evening - Shinae being so uncharacteristic and saying so many heartfelt, sentimental things in effort to reach Nol, sharing her story about middle school, the reveal about Alyssa, the little things he’s let slip about his family dynamic. Shinae is already seeing him in a new light, and so much of it is just raw and she’s yet to have a moment to really sit down and take in everything. But also, the GLANCES, his INTENSE expressions. 

I was talking to someone on reddit about this but the thing is - this isn’t Shinae’s first meeting with Nol like this. In so many of their shared moments, this is the person he’s been, letting down his goofy mask, talking seriously with her. The break in at her apartment, the phone call after his family dinner, the scene at the wac, the breakdown on the hospital terrace, the time he gave her his extra taco. Though not as raw as this Nol, the edges softened and blurred more than he is now, she’s come face to face with this iteration of him. It’s the intensity that is so new. And lmao that intensity is what makes him so alike Rand, who made Shinae quiver LMAOOOOOO it’s so funny that this is finally catching up to her, that their appearance is finally frazzling her. But I think it’s a culmination of all of this. There’s an awareness at the tip of her tongue that she’s yet to voice, yet to confront, but she’s certainly acting on it. The stolen glances, the flustered glances away, the way she is so WHOLLY affected. 

It’s only just earlier this week, as far as the timeline goes, that Shiane realized HOW important Nol is to her, HOW scared she is of losing him, how much he means to her. Dieter used the l-word! It’s not a casual friendship. And his significance to her seems to dance along the border between platonic and romance - you can be significant to someone without it being romantic, you can be a person someone doesn’t want to lose without it being romantic. But SHE has to find that significance, she has to figure that out. All this shyness and flustering - is it the newness of this side of Nol, of all this vulnerability shared between them, or is it something more in the ways they bring comfort to each other, the ways they seem to stabilize each others’ world. I don’t think we’ve seen it demonstrated as strongly as we have with Nol, how Shinae’s presence and can center Nol and root him in the present, but I think we’ve seen a few instances of Nol being the same for her. 

This is one of those things about love and romance and friendship that fascinates me. At what point IS it romance? At what point does that friendship turn into “I want more of this I need more of this”? You can receive comfort from so many people, so at what point does it become something romantic?

And I think that’s what Shinae and Nol are toeing. Nol, certainly, is becoming more aware of that affect she has on him, the way she roots him to the present, the way she brings him much needed peace. Does Shinae realize yet the way she seeks him out? Does she realize how much peace she’s also gotten from him? 

And it seems so mutual, the way Nol gives in and indulges in the peace, the way he initiates these little moments of physicality. And it could absolutely be nothing, it could absolutely be just a casual touch amongst friends, except it’s them, and she’s flustered and looking away, and the butterflies seem to dance off the page. It’s the way he looks from her gift, loaded with what began their friendship what brought them into each other’s lives, and looks over at her trying to drown out his reaction, too embarrassed (TOO SHY!!!!!!) to see, that eyeless frame (QUIMCHEE DOES THIS SO MUCH! SO OFTEN! WHEN SHIELDING NOL’S FEELINGS!!!!!!) when he reaches over with his fingers in her hair.

HE DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT. HE COULD JUST TAP HER SHOULDER. HE COULD JUST SCOOT NEARER. BUT HE DOESN’T. IT’S HIS FINGERS IN HER HAIR, NEAR THE SCAR THAT PUT HER INTO DEFENSE MODE except she’s not, and he’s there, and she can’t look directly at him and he moves in close and it’s so INTIMATE it’s so TENDER it’s like the earbuds sharing moment except somehow even MORE because now she’s aware, NOW the fluttering is there, the stolen glances, the close proximity, the way he relaxes when he’s close to her, the way he is being so much MORE than he’s been before. 

His tapping finger and that coy, flirty, finger dancing?! The way she glances away as her finger dances towards him, on some level aware of what it means what it is a little too shy too coy, he way he hesitantly joins in and it’s something so SILLY so GOOFY such a light, light moment and GOD it’s beautifully done? You can FEEL the flirtiness of it, you can FEEL the little butterflies, the shyness and hesitation. The way Nol’s smile fades and he becomes serious before his finger hooks around hers, the way she thinks he’s playing until she, too, realizes, he’s not UGH. /UGH/ I SCREAM!!!!!!! How is it that a single finger hooked around another makes me scale the walls like this?! It’s such a small thing, but it’s so BOLD, initiating a dance even though he must be in pain! His back?! His body?! He’s not even on morphine ;~; He’s just. ENDURING IT. 

And idk, I never know what’s going through his mind. The dance she offered him that they never got to share. Something more significant than fingers dancing, something that means MORE. 

And again, that’s the thing. I think he’s so at war with himself. He’s still calling her Yoo, but he’s touching and so close and initiating that dance and he can tell himself it doesn’t mean anything, but he already knows. He already figured that out last episode. Soon he’ll be gone and he’ll be away from the people he loves, all alone again, and he’s scared to go. He still can’t bring himself to use her name, he can’t be so familiar with her - and yet is this not a more familiar way of being? I feel like part of is is that feeling of how fleeting this moment is, wanting to capture as much of it as possible, finally acting on what he wants. All those times he’s reached out only to close his fist, and this time he isn’t hesitating, this time he isn’t denying himself. This is what he wants, so he goes for it. 

Will he regret it? I hope he’s far enough beyond his point of no return that he can’t. I hope he’s acting out of clarity that if this is the case, if this is how he feels, then why shouldn’t he allow himself this. Perhaps there’s fear that when he comes back it will all be different, that this will be a fleeting dream and everyone will move on without him. It feels like the cusp of a dream and reality, where you allow yourself to indulge because soon you return to the real world, to the waking nightmare of reality and this will be all you have left to carry with you. 

It feels even more likely when he crumbles when she mentions when he returns. Perhaps it could be that he DOES intend to never come back after he releases, but idk, I guess I’m just so hopeful that’s not the case? It could be a parallel to the hug in the rain, when she asked if any of it was real and he hugged her because it wasn’t until it was and he couldn’t bear to say so. But it also feels so much like he’s afraid. The way he buries his head in her shoulder, his face hidden so she can’t see his emotions, their hands still held at their side feels so much like he’s afraid and doesn’t want to say so, wants to put on a brave face but he can’t. “When he returns” because for a time he will be away and he just had the sweetest taste of calm and when he wakes up from this dream the waking nightmare resumes, he’ll again be all alone and it’s so much harder to go back to alone when you’ve had a taste for this, when you’ve indulged. How can he go back to before, how can he face this new stage alone? 

It’s such a sad little scene, the way they’re standing together, another dance interrupted, but at the same time, there’s something sweet. Very bittersweet, I guess. Maybe it’s just because he’s too weary and hasn’t had it in him to put up the walls again, but to see him, yet again, seeking that comfort in her, allowing himself something he once would have denied himself. Allowing himself to feel his feelings and to comfort himself. 

There’s just so much that is beautiful and painful about this episode. For this to be the first time he’s felt peaceful and calm and he nearly died in order to have this moment? The knowing that he will have to leave, that he’ll have to return to feeling small and insignificant, that he has to face a new fear when he goes to prison, when this little suspended moment in time is all over. While I personally think - or hope - we’ll get to see a positive transformation from Nol while he’s locked up, thanks to the counseling he’ll be going through, it’s still hard to watch him have to leave this. I don’t want to romanticize his sentence by any means lol but I do think being away from his family, away from the people who chip away at him and tear him down, can give him so peace to confront what he hasn’t been able to. I don’t think it will be a total transformation of any kind - just the necessary first steps. Nol needs to be away from the Hiraharas, and to learn to see the worth in himself. 

I mentioned this earlier in this post, but I’ve been thinking a LOT about perception of self, and how others see us. For instance, the version of me that I intimately know, that exists to me, doesn’t necessarily exist to others. Likewise, there are people who will see me in very different ways than I see myself, and it’s not that they don’t know me well, it’s just that we all are different people to everyone we know. We’re multifaceted and shaped by our experiences, but also by our actions and how we’ve affected the people with whom we interact. 

Nol sees himself as a villain, as a monster, as someone who needs to be punished. But that’s not the version of him that Shinae knows, or Dieter or Soushi, either. To them, he’s a hero, he’s someone who does good. Shinae described him as the sun and while I think that’s partly because of his bright smile and bubbly personality as Yeonggi, I think it’s also in the way that he can make things a little better for everyone. Nol has never been able to see himself the way others see him, though, because he’s so pre-occupied with the version of himself he knows, the one that’s been so heavily influenced by the Hiraharas. That he’s a mistake, that he shouldn’t exist, that everything would be better without him. And because he can’t see those versions of himself, he can’t see that it’s not true. Shinae certainly wouldn’t be better off without him, nor would Soushi or Dieter. BECAUSE he’s in their lives, they are better off. And that’s what he needs to learn to see, to reconcile with the version of him that exists. Because sure, that’s part of him. Maybe it’s not correct, but it’s a part of his identity. But so is the version of him that exists to his friends. So is the version of him that Nana loves. And obviously, it’s not so easy to wake up to those sides, because of how overwhelming this version of him is. But I hope that time away from the people who feed into that image, with some counseling might help him start to clear that away and better see himself for who he is, all the multitudes that he is. 

Because here’s the thing - people contain a range of good and bad, that’s what makes us human. Our choices ultimately define that, but so do our circumstances. This is why I can offer empathy towards characters like Kousuke and Alyssa who have made choices that we wouldn’t consider right, but make sense for their circumstances. Nol contains so much darkness, but he also contains so much light. Maybe he’s not as radiant as Yeonggi - but maybe it’s only because he hasn’t had the chance to be. Who could he be with a break from the people who tear him apart? Who could he be away from their influence? That’s what I’m keen to see, and that’s why I think he’s not intending to leave everyone after prison - or at least not GHOST people. Maybe he does need to get physically away, go to college abroad, but that doesn’t mean he’d be abandoning his friends this time. 

Nol’s real family sucks. But this family - his found family - they can bring him the joy and happiness he deserves, even before he thinks he deserves it. Again, maybe I’m just being really hopeful, but I just feel like this is a significant, defining moment for him, hopefully the beginning of him realizing he’s allowed to indulge, he’s allowed the same comfort he’s offered to others. 

Gosh what a tangent lol I know this post would be a mess. I JUST. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. I have sooooooo many disorganized feelings seeing Nol like this, how sad I feel how happy I feel how much my stupid heart pitter patters over his interactions with Shinae. The callback to the dance at the formal where she was so uncomfortable (BUT NOW! NOW! SHE’S NOT!!!!!!) the teasing about her dancing, and he WILL miss her. HE’LL MISS HER! UGH /GOD/ 

But boy do I hope Dieter is fast asleep lmao ;~; I don’t think Shinae or Nol are ready to face what is unfolding, but Dieter reads them so well, he’s aware of things before they are. He knows what he is, for lack of better word “competing” against, and I think maybe he even knows it’s a losing battle. He made his move and she turned him down and I think he’s accepted her friendship with grace and delight - getting to know her better, getting to grow closer to her than he ever thought. And god, isn’t it painful to watch her and know that she seems to be drawn somewhere else, that it’s nothing you can do anything about? Because Dieter loves Nol, too. He probably understands how someone would be drawn to him at all! And while I think Dieter is a character who would handle things with grace, it would still hurt. I don’t think Shinae and Nol are a thing that, if they ever happen, would do so any time soon, and by that time I like to think Dieter would be over Shinae in that way, that they’d be close friends still, that they’d be people who root for each other and want the best for each other. But for him to have that awareness NOW, ugh the pain. He’s already taken note of the way she is with Nol vs how she is with him, the way she was so overwrought when they found out about all the secrets and lies, when they found her crying in the rain. 

I DON’T WANT HIM TO GO THROUGH THAT DAMNIT ;A; 

But we are definitely at this point where it’s a little too obvious to deny, a little too obvious to look away from. Any attempt at earning Shinae’s affection feels like you’re competing with something else. Even if she’s not ready to face it and admit it yet, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Whether or not it’s romantic or not is for her to decide, but for us as readers, we know that it’s something significant, that they have a mutual effect on each other that’s undeniable. There is so much trust shared between them now - despite it all, she trusts him, and he knows now that he can trust and rely on her, too. And as an outsider, it’s just obvious that something is there, however that something is defined. It’s not a stretch to say that Nol takes a priority, that she will at this point push things aside for him. 

Even romance aside, I think this is a dynamic we’ll be seeing a lot of going forward, because Nol still is not fast to open up to people and to rely on them. Trusting Shinae like this, letting her in to this more vulnerable side, I think defines a lot of their relationship to come as they evolve. Maybe Nol will leave and go abroad and maybe Shinae will date other people in that time, but I think we’ll see that Nol maintains a special place in her heart, that will be difficult for a lot of people to compare to. How do you compare to someone who has these experiences with her, who has developed a bond through these trials and tribulations lol? 

GOD. 

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS I JUST. WANNA!!!!!!!! SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[fivekrystalpetals]

@longagoitwastuesday (I think you and @jacksintention are the same person, your writing seems similar; jic I am tagging both of you)

ahfhghikl thank you so much for all your comments on my meandering rambling post! honestly I dunno how I got from point A to point B without losing track of what I was meaning to say in the first place lol but it all came together in the end so :D

I totally understand you not agreeing 100% with me (and you don't have to! as long as you are being nice to me about our difference in opinions, I don't have a problem!) and I am glad, despite this, you could enjoy the rest of it! If I have to take a wild guess, it must be about Jack where our views differ, and while I am very curious about your thoughts, i would like to hear them after i finish my lacie post bc i wanna write about her (and Jack) from my own first impressions of the story.

Part 2: Ah I understand being frustrated seeing the fandom jumping from one opinion to another with every chapter update (that's the problem with a serially updating manga, with tons of plot twist) and i can't speak for myself what i might have done had i been reading this serially as well. reading this altogether helped me form a more solid opinion about overall events happening in the series. Although I have to confess while reading Past Arc, I saw Oswald more as a victim of circumstances (as in, I sympathized with his depressed state at the time and I solely blamed Jack for taking advantage of his friend like that) but later reading on into the last Arc, I started to hold him responsible for a major part in the Tragedy as well as I explained in that essay.

Part 3 +

hmm, it's interesting to me that you feel that way from my writing. I won't say I like him (um, no, I don't think I like him as much as many other characters in the story. In fact, I like Lacie way way more than him) but yeah, I did pity him in the beginning when I thought he was struggling with last minute measures so the world won't come to an end bc of Jack's recklessness. I think the moment I started to.... dislike (i am so conflicted where exactly i stand on the love/hate scale for him) him was when he decided that killing Lacie was the only way to prevent the Tragedy of Sablier. That's just victim blaming at its finest. He already cast Lacie into the Abyss and killed her once. Now, he wants to drag her out out of it and kill her once again? for what? making one (1) friend in her whole life? please.

so yeah, I don't really think I like him, but I did try my best to keep my personal opinions out of this essay and keep it neutral (mostly) so maybe, that's the reason you feel like i like him.

Other than that, thank you for your words: "Even today, I'd say it's perhaps not super extended to find such a nuanced criticism of his character."

"suffering hero to Jack's villain" -> for me, this is not Oswald, but Oz. Oz (and even both Alices) is the ever suffering hero to Jack's villain. Oz never wanted to kill or hurt anybody; he agreed to become a chain for Jack for White Alice's sake. But then, he was forced to commit mass murders and even had to witness his dear Alice commit suicide right before his eyes. Like, it's all so, so, heartbreaking for a doll that got a spark of life and just wanted to do good for his two girls. Even later, when he was in Jack's body, he had to stand by and watch Jack hurt his friends until he, spurred on by Oscar's words, managed to take control of Jack's body. So, if you see Oswald and Jack, I hold his negligence partly responsible for the way Jack turned out. But Oz is a victim through and through.

Part 4: Yes, I agree with all of what you say here! Oswald had the power to end the cycle of trauma by stopping Lacie's execution (if you see Retrace 91/92, he even attacks one of the Juries there. He could have done that at his Succession Ceremony if the Jury tried to intervene in his decision or take away his title of Glen. Moreover, as I understand, there is only one Jury for one story and they are no big fighters or anything.) but in spite of having all the powers of the Abyss, he lacked the strong will to take a huge, game-changing decision and that turned out to be his undoing.

About Alice:

ahhh I am not sure if it is an artistic choice to give Oswald and Alice just enough interactions for us readers to realize that they had been on good terms once,, yet I find it super interesting that Alice has no other memories of him while she has tons of Jack. Like Jack taught her to dance, braid her hair, taught her to play the piano too (I think?) and I don't know whether that memory of Jack and Alice near Lacie's grave and listening to her music is real or manipulated, for Alice iirc was never let out of the castle. so where does that memory come from? Is it Alice's wish that she imagines to be real? On the other hand, White Alice and Glen seem to have had some small interactions after all, bc if you remember Break's teatime with her down in the Abyss, she does mention Glen telling her about chains and stuff and claims to hate him as well. again, with the context of Retrace 76/77, I don't know if I can trust those memories either because her own were already shredded and lost at the point.

And, I was not quite sure the reason she hated Glen anyway. Like, I have seen many different reasons floating around, from her knowing in some way that Glen cast her mother into the Abyss that the other Alice doesn't—to Glen not letting her talk to Jack (?) (uh, I am not sure what this exactly means, but I remember her saying the same to Break as well, I guess it's bc of her broken memories she remembers like that),, it's all very confusing—but.... I think your reason makes the most sense to me. Because, if Glen kept her caged in and didn't let her go out and that's the reason she hated him, then yeah, it makes a lot more sense, why Jack was easily able to sway her to his side with the promise of taking her to the Rose Gardens of Vessalius House.

But, on the whole, yes, I do believe Oswald dropped visiting Alices after Jack took charge of them. Because, artistic choice or not, in such a painful event as Alice witnessing her uncle getting beheaded right in front of her, she must fondly remember and regret all those other memories as well, right? but she still has flashbacks to just that one scene.... so take it as you will.

About Black Alice, it's sad if you think about it. She really loved her uncle, okay? yeah, she might be an idiot for being ok with remaining in a cage among other things, but i think of her as more of a lovable idiot. She loves everything and everyone around her without noticing faults in them. She is that impressionable and good-natured child. She even names her favorite doll after Oswald! In fact, (once again) it's Levi that realizes how Alice likes Oswald the best (and interesting how Levi does spend a lot of time with Alice up until his death in spite of her being a product of his experiments. he has his moments, i guess? lol. and idk if he ever told her that he was her dad. does Oswald know this? or, did he tell only Jack? I mean, like obviously after seeing Alice, Oswald must have realized Lacie had been pregnant when he cast her into the Abyss but does he know Levi is the dad? He might have assumed it's Jack or someone else? idk)

okay, I am rambling now but what I mean to say is Alice really did love her uncle. But Oswald was so drowned by his sorrow and regrets that he didn't open his eyes to what he could still protect, instead spent his days dwelling on what he couldn't. In the end, Alice took her own life.... and, in more than one way, Oswald failed Lacie all over once again. I know for sure, Lacie loved her kids bc she went all the way down into the Abyss to request 'her' to take care of them when they are born and hoped the plush dolls could be friends with them. So yeah. He just keeps hurting her again and again.

ahjfjshgj thank you so much!! about Lacie, I have tons to write about her but i think I hurt my hand a bit, so i am taking a little break from writing so both those essays will have to wait :(( i meant to write an analysis about Lacie separate and about Jack/Lacie (and both topics have soooo much to write idek where to start lol, but i will figure that out. rn, I must worry about my fingers more so yeah a break from fanfics and writing in general is necessary (cuz i can't avoid irl work anw :((( )

and actuaaaaally, I wanna write about Levi too. In spite of his few appearances in the story, I feel like I might have tons to write about him if I reread the series. Such as, he is the sole Plot Starter Flint for the Entire series: it's his experiment that led to the creation of the Will of the Abyss; the only standalone (sorta) arc—Head Hunter's Arc— happened bc of Humpty-Dumpty, the chain that was formed from Levi's body. He has the most fuck-around-and-have-fun energy of all characters, and yet, I think, I think, it might be controversial for this fandom, but I think he is deeper than what comes across. Especially, his expressions in the last few chapters did not.... seem of a person having fun with all this. although he did keep repeating that he was having fun and that's all that matters to him but.... unreliable narrator much? idk. i still hate to the core what he did to Lacie but i wanna know what made him so warped in the first place.

Finally, part 5:

Warning to anyone who likes Reim!!!! please, please, please don't proceed any further. You have been warned. If you read on, it's at your own risk!!! if you get upset by my views don't come @ me. If Reim is your favorite character, stop here, press the back button, leave this page.

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I have never written an analysis on Reim, but if you mean this post, then yeah i did rant about him. I didn't delete it, just took it off the main tag bc it was attracting Unnecessary Attention from the fandom.

(also please don't reblog the linked post, I didn't delete it but I don't want it to attract attention again)

My Opinions on him largely differs from the general Fandom Opinion from what I have seen. To put it simply, his character annoys me. Whatever I wrote in that post, I still stand by—two points as the tip of Iceberg Of My Opinions on him:

1] He didn't trust Break enough to reveal the nature of his Chain to him

2] I am sorry but I can never get behind his excuse for shooting a child as this:

He didn't even try to simply disarm/render her unconscious (like Break did for Zwei); no, he shot her. In the head. With full intent to kill. A child who was chatting merrily with him. A child who told him everything about the Baskervilles. A child who had wholeheartedly accepted him as her friend. In fact, the build up in the panels leading up to his shooting is… ominous, to say the least. Then he closes his eyes and tells himself that he is doing the Right Thing bc, ofc, he is The Good Guy. Nah, I can only see his selfishness here: he wanted to do something Useful for once, bc he is always called weak and useless. He wanted to go back to his people, inform them Baskervilles are here, but "oh, I took care of one of them all by myself." He (and the whole Pandora, for that matter) has this Black and White worldview: Baskervilles: Black: Bad and Pandora: White: Good. In spite of Lily telling him everything about herself, he still doesn't make the slightest attempt to change his view of them. At least, Break didn't have that kind of prejudice; he did "talk" to Lottie as he would to any other 'human enemy'—in the end, he even apologizes for being a jerk to her... and then goes on to being a jerk again lmao

Point no. 1 is..... I don't have words about how much I hate him for withholding such vital information. From Break. Break, of all people, who he knows is always looking out for him, thinks of him as his only friend, might engage in a fight for his sake etc. And then, says shit like this:

What. is. wrong. Xerx. what's. with. that. sad. face. While reading this chapter fresh, I uttered Shut Up at the same time as Break, you know. That's why I believe he was also, for once, really pissed off Reim didn't share something this important. Break would have died. Like D I E D if best boy Gil didn't arrive on the scene on time. Please. Why you look so sad. Go die in a ditch somewhere.

And, I loved Fang, okay? He might be a minor character and all, one that the fandom most likely doesn't care about but... I loved him, for all the small things that were shown to us, he was one of a kind of an honorable gentleman and a true warrior. He genuinely politely talks to his enemies—he even said he was honored to cross blades with a strong fighter like Break. He didn't want to use his chain bc he wanted to fight Break (who was using Mad Hatter anyway) one-on-one like.... what a strong warrior code! Fang died because of Reim, only and only because of him. Not only bc of all what I wrote here, but also—like what was Reim even trying to do by distracting Lily in the heat of the battle? trying to get her killed? Break was poised to kill her and she lets down her guard bc of Reim, that's why Fang couldn't even block his sword.

You know, what's sadder, Lily had no intention to kill him even if he shot her in the head with full intention to kill. See:

Yeah, the only reason he appeared 'dead' to Fang was bc he put himself in hibernation. Had Break known of this, he would have rushed to check on Reim's wounds first, instead of immediately giving him up for dead and jumping in to revenge him.

Eventually Break succumbed to his injuries from this very battle, because, you see:

Break has always passed out bc of his Chain (and he won't die from it) but he was unparalleled in his sword skills. Fang got an advantage on him bc of his underground attacks with his chain. This is the first time Break got injured. The first time Break got injured. With things moving so fast after this, his injury never heals properly; while in captivity, Vincent reopens that wound and finally, Break succumbs to it. I read a couple of meta about how time was never Break's ally that's why his time runs out,,, but I maintain he died bc someone he considered a friend didn't reciprocate his sentiment enough to trust him with vital information and that's what cost him his life in the end. and then, you wonder why he always wants to be a one-man army.

This is just the tip of Iceberg of My Opinions on him. Retrace 93 must be why he is so upheld as a beacon of diplomacy or something in this fandom but sorry to say, my views differ. I think people overlook Lottie's role there. Not everyone might agree with me, and might still credit Reim for doing something that Break already set in motion and Lottie brought to the finish line. All of his "bullet points" were nothing that couldn't have happened 40 chapters ago had he not blindly clung onto his prejudice. And, finally, happens in Retrace 93 with Reim and Lily becoming friends at the cost of one life on either side. Isn't it ironic that this 'friendship' that started off on the wrong foot thwarted the other that was actively pursued by both sides? the things that might have changed if Fang never died? Lottie might even have helped them in some way while Break, Sharon and Shirley were imprisoned. other than this, it might be bc I am already annoyed enough by him but I dislike his overall attitude toward Lily in this chapter. (annnnd if it is true, he proposed to Sharon within a year of Break's death..... well. idk if I can take it canon or it's just a non-canon sidenovel thingie buuut it rubs me in the wrong way for... reasons. or, maybe it's just me. i take those kind of things seriously)

Anyway, jic what you meant by Opinion on Reim was not this, and something in the lines of Good/Nice/Different/What a lovable character he is, isn't he? ^^

then let's just pretend you didn't read any of this and:

But in case, you wanna read more of My Opinions on him, I will have another 50-page rant ready lol; I can never possibly physically sit down and write a neutral unbiased analysis on him. No, I feel so strongly about him that I will always end up ranting. I might even attempt a neutral analysis on Levi, of all people, some day; can't on Reim. Sigh.

either way, i'd rather spend my time writing about characters i love than wasting my time thinking about those i don't. sooo, chances are I won't write anything more about him anyway; but yeah, to put it shortly, I don't have much of an opinion on him.

[torneko]

Dragon Quest and Innovation

A sentiment I've seen shared time and time again is that Dragon Quest is a series that is generally played safe, it's one that has fallen into a comfortable position where each entry is going to be revered and thus has no need to push forward.

I've seen this parroted of course by detractors of the series who cite it as the most generic of JRPGs as well as those who enjoy the series and simply find it to be a comfortable and very refined familiarity.

I, however, disagree with this notion entirely. 11 *does* fit this notion more than other games in the series, but I don't it fair to base an argument on a game that was intended to be an anniversary title, one that celebrates the 30 years of games before it (which it does extraordinarily well, mind. I don't want it to seem for a second like I don't adore that game. I very much do)

What follows will be a discussion on most games in the series and how each of them innovate - either on the series formula or on the genre itself. I have not finished 6 or 7 so I will be skipping those, I've barely touched 10 but it will be mentioned briefly.

The first game has been talked about to death - and will likely be talked about *even more* if I ever get around to doing my silly little video series on DQ - but I digress. Everyone familiar with Dragon Quest knows the impact that this game had. This is the game that defined the JRPG genre and everything that came after. Most games can track some influence back to the original Dragon Quest, whether they realize it or not.

The second game introduced party members, beating the original Final Fantasy to the punch! To this day the Prince of Midenhall is the only Dragon Quest hero who can't use magic in any capacity to further cement the necessity of the other party members.

The third game is where things start to get really interesting though - DQ3 was released in a post FF1 world (albeit by a few months). Both games had class systems, similar to Dungeons and Dragons, but Dragon Quest differentiated itself by allowing you to change classes at any time after a certain point in the main plot. What turns this simple system into a masterclass in nuanced design is that each spell learned by a character is carried over to their new one. Though there are a set number of classes on paper, there are an uncountable amount of combinations that are dictated only really by the amount of effort and time you want to spend engineering them.

My beloved Dragon Quest 4 is the first one that truly captured the narrative structure much of the following games have - but with a presentation that none of them have dared copy. Most DQ games are a series of smaller-scale self-contained stories as you journey to get the macguffin or journey to defeat the big bad, but 4 decided to take the time to give chapters dedicated to introducing various party members, the standout being, of course, Torneko's. Torneko is introduced on his own. He's derivative of the merchant class in 3 and is thus not a fighter, his gameplay isn't the typical jrpg faire and instead is one of playing the market and merchanteering to get the money for gear you logically should not have at your level - this is something that people are still trying to replicate with games like Moonlighter.

Pokémon would not exist as it does without Dragon Quest 5! It posed the question of "what if you could recruit any enemies you face?" Furthermore it decided to experiment with following a protagonist over the course of their full life, it decided to make the player make the decision of who to marry - a massive narrative decision to be handed to them!

I don't want to be typing this all night so I'll quickly go over 9 and say a couple sentences about 10.

9 is very overlooked (outside of tumblr), people are very quick to dismiss it as a "weird glorified spinoff" or whatever when this is incredibly reductive. 9 was a game born to be on a handheld, and thus it was designed to take *full* advantage of that. They *really* didn't play it safe with this one and it created one of my favourite entries in the series! When tasked with translating the DQ formula to handhelds Horii and co. decided to make connectivity a core theme of the games mechanics, allowing individuality in character creation and plenty of goodies available through playing with friends who also owned a copy or by connecting to the internet (since this was the first Dragon Quest game that could do so!)

DQ9s innovations led to the *legendary* Masayuki map! A treasure map for one of the games randomly generated dungeons that was shared between people so much due to its contents that it *ended up referenced in the mainline games* as the Ruby Path of Doom!

And 10. Like I said, I haven't played it, but it's an MMO. That's a first for the series, and that should be enough evidence that this is a series that's ever moving in new directions, one that isn't afraid to take risks.

Dragon Quest 12 has been mentioned to have a more mature tone than the previous entries in the series, as much as this might feel out of left field and as much as I might have my own doubts as to how it would turn out, this is a direction I feel is quite natural for the series in ways. Dragon Quest is ever-evolving, and I'm glad that it isn't trapped in complacency like people for are for some reason convinced it is.

[feral-mouse]

Hey quick question, feel free to skip ☝️😃 but uhhh. How quick do your ocs bust ✊️😐 asking for no real reason

PSJJFKLSLAKKFJS

Ok so, I don't have like a specific metric of time or anything, so I'm just gonna answer generally oshfksk. Uhhhh let's do longest to shortest lol

Randy can last A LONG TIME osnfksl. Get ready for a workout, he's got a lot of stamina. He gets really into it too. I am so sorry because if you tire out quickly, he is keeping you there until he is done. You are going to be so exhausted afterwards 😭

Elowyn is surprisingly next. Of course she can't last as long as Randy, but she's got more stamina than you'd expect. Ig it also kinda helps that she's the type that makes her partner do most of the work. But other than that, she knows how to keep her arousal under control. She loves having long sessions, so she's going to make sure she's finished when she wants to.

Davis is after Elowyn. He'd be higher up, but he actually wants to cum pskfjks. He still lasts longer than average though lol (i. if there is an average, idk-). Be warned, he is very rough during sex, so you are walking out of there with so many bruises.

Sable is next, and is right in the middle psjfjks. He is the reference point for everyone honestly lol. He does go back and forth though, like he could definitely finish quicker than he's expecting if he's really excited. He's kinda a wildcard in a way. If he really tries, he can last longer, but more often than not, he's not holding out psjfksl. He's also very vocal 😳

I'm putting Eugene next, mainly because he would get way too excited way too quickly lol. He is EAGER he is SO EXCITED TO BE THERE. Just seeing his partner excited is enough for him too tbh. Bro he's soooo horny, he's fucked 😭. He wants to last longer, but he is horrible at controlling his own arousal lol. Bro is shaking, he is trembling, he's fucking like his life depends on it psjcjskd

This one was kinda tough, because I feel like they'd all last around the same time lol. But if I had to choose, I'd say Ronny comes next. Once he gets more experience, he'll definitely be able to last longer lol. But as of right now, he's busting kinda quick. He's already super shy when it comes to sex in general, so he would hate it if you made fun of him for finishing so fast psjjfkzla. He's not used to physical contact in general, so he's definitely more sensitive and can get overwhelmed easily 😏

Second to last is Dan (I feel so bad because Dan would be like "Woopey, I'm not last!" pzkfjkdl). He's already very prone to teasing in general, so if he ever has sex, HE IS TURNING SO RED HE IS GETTING SO FLUSTERED. He would be a trembling mess, I feel bad because he wouldn't know what to do with his hands either 😭 psjfjkz. But like, my guy is getting hard so fast. It's easy to get him to cum lol

And then we have Cyrus, who gets the crown for fastest nut I'm sorry I like bullying him psjfksa. Bro is TOUCH STARVED he is NOT used to physical contact AT ALL. He's never done anything sexual in his life, nor has he ever met anyone that was interested in him in that way. He would honestly be so shocked if you wanted to have sex with him too, he would not know what to do at all. You'd definitely have to guide him through it to help ease his nerves. But either way, he's cumming quick

[madd-nix]

It's 11:30 at night and I'm having Ingo x Johanna brainrot.

Just. Single mother who never thought she'd find love again, and man who's still recovering from amnesia who never expected to get help from such a wonderful and beautiful woman. They fall in love. She helps him feel like he can live a normal life even after all he's been through, and she makes him feel happy and loved and safe. He makes her feel wanted and cared for, he makes her feel like she's beautiful, he allows her to feel like she's finally able to do things that she's been purposely putting off for the sake of others. They help each other and they love each other.

I don't know, I'm just having Thoughts™ and I can't get them out any other way right now.

[concealeddarkness13]

So...All's Fair is Now a Sci-Fi!

Content warning for mentions of rape and violence and death. Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, @drabbleitout, and @grailfish!

I've been rethinking the plot of All's Fair, thinking about how to change it, to make it feel more manageable and make it better. And I think I've figured it out. Change this story into more of a sci-fi/cyberpunk. I am also merging this story with Irina's story!

Instead of the species ganging up on the humans and putting them into an enclosure, a group of corporations (led by humans and other species) joined together to form an empire that controls the citizens through religion, corporations, and force. A majority of the citizens are relegated to the "undercity" (name pending) where they are exploited and used and have to scrounge for survival.

This empire wants to put all humans and other species under their control, and they are doing a good job of it so far. The only free peoples left are most of the faeries (the Kage aliens from this one but revamped), all of the Venus girdle species, and some groups of humans and Shades who have escaped the empire. Outside of the empire, a lot of the world around it has been destroyed and left a wasteland, so much so that it's hard to travel on your own out there without plenty of supplies. It's why Chess hasn't left the empire herself. But first, let me talk about the species and then how the empire works.

There are three other species besides the humans this time. The Shades are honestly still the same, so I won't go into details there. The faeries rarely ever show their true form, but I imagine it looks similar to the Snakes, with scales, fangs, slit pupils, and tails. They have powers that if their prey is within a certain distance of them, they can give an order, and that prey has to obey it. They can do some devastating things with that power. They drink blood now, but their young are parasites that eat a full humanoid as they grow.

The Venus girdles are very similar to their original iteration as adults, but as young, they are small enough to infect an insect and eat its brain, which they then use the zombie insect to go to a human or other species and inject their young. Which that young will eat the humanoid's brain first and then slowly eat the rest of the insides until the young bursts out of the corpse fully formed. Their "hair" as an adult is how they eat a humanoid's soul (don't have to eat a full soul, and they usually don't), which also causes a feeling of euphoria in the humanoid. All of the species honestly generally target humans because humans don't have magic (unsure if that's true or not), so they're not as dangerous.

The empire has the wealthy corporation owners or other aristocrats who live extravagantly in the skyscrapers that look down on the undercity. A lot of the humans, especially the wealthy ones, are deeply connected to the Celestial religion, which states that the Celestials left humanity because humans were too violent, so it preaches peace and condemning and ignoring those who don't follow that peace. Which this religion will be a big deal in this story, with the Celestials just being more plot-important in general. There are cops to enforce the empire's will, but what most people fear are the soldiers. Victims of the cyborg experiments which are now fully endorsed by the empire who were taken at young ages, and a chip was put into their brain which allows their overseers to control them. Controlled and brainwashed soldiers who are used to "cleanse" the undercity and to fight the species and humans who are trying to remain free. The magic is still about the same. Naivi is trying to find a way to make the magic less harmful to the victims. I think now it's time to talk about the characters.

So, of course, the first person I must talk about Chess. I still want to keep most of her trauma and how she sees the world because I love the character she's become, and I don't want to take that from her. Her original name was Ezra Vesperia. Her parents were murdered when she was 10, and the government immediately took her to become a victim of the experiments. Aeflin took special interest in her because she was strong and angry and fought back against the species' powers even before she got the chip that made her immune to that. I will talk about Aeflin's plans in her paragraph, but Aeflin still wants to use Chess as her special weapon. Chess was sent out to fight the species (probably did get sent to "cleanse" the undercity as well at one point), and when she was 20, the Venus girdles sent a swarm of their young to the soldiers, and Chess got infected, but one of her friends in her squad (Torryn, I think) used his lightning magic to try and kill the young in Chess, but the young had already ate through the chip, and when the lightning hit her and killed the young, it hurt her as well, causing her to have a seizure. The overseers decided to just abandon her as defective, but a Shade decided to heal her and take away all her memories. Which he then sent her to Ashont who did the things that he did to her in the original before dumping her in the undercity the next morning. The residents hate her and fear her and call her a monster, because her prosthetics are a symbol of the very empire that hurts them. And she is hurt and abused and doesn't really trust anyone. There are a few people who try to help her, and she does meet Vortex and help him and make friends with him, but mostly it's just people either trying to use her or hurt her. And it's the only life she knows now. She will meet Creed somehow in this story. And she will meet Naivi and still have the rivals to lovers with her. And I'm thinking that the rebellion against the empire decides to use her as the image of the rebellion without her permission, and she has to deal with that as well as Aeflin trying to find her again once she learns that Chess is still alive. (I promise the rest of these character paragraphs won't be so long, lol)

Vesper is the daughter of some nobles, and her faith is extremely important to her. With Maisa's advice, she has come to believe that leaving behind the people of the undercity will be the only way to become the peaceful humans the Celestials want, so she makes speeches about that, about focusing on peace over trying to help anyone who has been hurt by violence. She believes that when the Celestials come back, they will heal all the pain and strife. She will learn better and become a more active advocate who condemns the passivity of what she had been preaching. There is a certain reason why Maisa has shown interest in her.

Thorne was born of two soldiers, and when the overseers learned that his mother was pregnant, they killed her and cut him out to kill in front of his father, but someone decided to let him live, and he grew up dumped in the undercity (not sure how that all happened, but we'll figure it out). He despises the empire and thinks it should be all burned down. He met Jude when he was stealing from Jude's parents' mansion, and they have been friends ever since. They are part of the rebellion, and they are known as the demon twins.

Creed is a "project" that a noble couple took into their home to prove that the citizens of the undercity totally have opportunities. He has proceeded to be the biggest nuisance, but if they drop him, they disprove their "project". He'll probably meet Chess at a bar, but I don't think they knew each other before she lost her memories. He is also half-Shade.

Killian is a hurt Celestial who has come to the surface of the world to help where he can, since he can't fight and protect the planet anymore. He is a tattoo artist who gathers information, and some days, he goes outside the empire to talk with Primary's seed and plant plants and trees where he can to help heal the earth. He knows too much and can't meddle too much, but he'll do what he can.

Irina is the daughter of the CEOs of an android company. She has always shown empathy towards androids, and she ran away when her parents became too much. She ran away with her beloved dog, Briar, but Briar got an illness and was going to die too young, so Irina paid for an android dog that looked exactly like Briar and would have her memories. She paid fully for her, but the company decided after a few months that they needed to take Briar back, and Irina has been on the run ever since. At some point, she will become infected with a Venus girdle young, but she'll talk to the young and try to see if they can coexist. This infection will cause one of her eyes to turn gold (part of one of Chess's eyes is gold too).

Vortex is an android made by Irina's parents' company. He was first made as a pleasure android for the wealthy, but he was abused and hurt and raped, and when he finally fought back, the company took him back and punished him and rebranded him as a hunter for the people stealing from the company (like Irina is considered). I will say that the day that he fought back, he does meet Chess and becomes friends with her, and they remain friends. He'll make sure to tell the other androids that Chess is really nice if they need someone. When he learns that Irina isn't abusing Briar, and that she did pay fully for Briar, he finds loopholes in his orders that allow him to not capture Briar.

Maisa is one of the leaders of the empire, but he prefers to work in the shadows, so no one knows that he is a leader. He was around when the Celestials were still on this world, and he hates them. The Celestials showed special treatment towards the humans, so he wants to use human suffering and death to convince them to come back so he can kill them and prove that the empire is better than the so-called gods. He took special interest in Vesper because she is actually half-Celestial, but he took her powers secretly, so she doesn't have them anymore. He gave the contained powers to...

Aeflin! Everyone's favorite bubbly scientist who is such an asshole is still here. She wants to be able to dissect a Celestial, and she will do anything to let that happen. She knows how to fix the prosthetics to give the victims good magic, but she will only do that for her weapon once she has absolute control over her. And she chose Chess for the job. She's been planning on having Chess receive the half-Celestial powers and receive her overpowered fire magic so she can go fight a Celestial, under Aeflin's control, of course. She doesn't care about the politics of it all, she's just excited to finally dissect a Celestial.

And last, but not least. Naivi. She is a half-faerie. Her mother was taken by a faerie and taken to their city and treated as a pet and raped and is still stuck there. She doesn't even really know what's going on. Naivi saw the truth and the horror of how the faeries were treating humans, and she ran away and joined the empire because she believes that only by being under the empire's rule and laws will humans be safe from the other species. So, she enthusiastically works on the prosthetics experiments to bring everyone fighting against the empire under their control. She despises the free species and thinks that they just want to be able to abuse humans any way they want. She does think that the victims of the experiments are volunteers who want to be here, and she doesn't know about the controlling chips, and she would be horrified if she knew, but she has a lot of learning and growing before she'll be able to be lovers with Chess. It'll be fun!

And I think that's about it! The aesthetic is a little more cyberpunk too. I think Chess will wear a muzzle sometimes, either of her own choice or because the cops catch her and put one on her. And she still has her long, green, curly hair, but she'll have an undercut to one side. And that's all I can think of for right now! Thanks for reading!