#i hope this is somewhat helpful at least!!

[samah-h]

A Confession from the Heart of Suffering: An Unbearable Reality

I hope you read my confession, and thank you. This is the reality of all the people of Gaza.

Whenever I think of the life we used to have before the genocide, I have to struggle to hold my tears so I don't cause my children more pain than what they already feel. Our life, then, was neither easy nor perfect but it was full of warmth and the simple joy of being together under one roof .

We have never felt completely free because we have always been under a siege that has only gotten worse during this war but at least we felt somewhat safe and we had quite a decent life with the means that we were allowed.What kept us going was our belief that the future might be brighter one day.

Unfortunately, there seems to be no better tomorrow for us anymore. Nothing remains of our previous lives but rubble and memories, and the future is so bleak and full of uncertainties.It's not just the walls of our house that were turned into ruins, it's our hopes and dreams that were reduced to ashes. Now, we only dream of things that might seem so trivial to other people around the world like being able to sleep in and wake up in a comfortable bed or having a meal without standing for it in line for hours.

We dream of having enough clean drinking water so we don't have to worry about dying of thirst. We dream of the days we had a home with a regular kitchen and stove, the days we could celebrate special occasions with family in peace. Above all, we dream of not losing the people we love in a split second and of living safely and with dignity.

Instead, we have been wrongfully sentenced to a life of fear, displacement, and humiliation beyond belief. It is a living nightmare here now. Everything needed to ensure the bare minimum of decency and normalcy is denied to us. As you well know, there is no safe place in Gaza anymore and We are deprived of simple rights like having having a roof over our heads or enjoying some peace of mind for even one single day. The airstrikes and the buzzing of drones almost never stop. We live with a very real sense of impending doom day and night.

The water and food scarcity are only getting worse with time. Even regular chores like cooking or doing the laundry have become true challenges. I cannot propely bathe my children because the little water we get is polluted and their sensitive baby skin keeps getting irritated.

Before the war, my nine- year-old daughter was so picky about which outfits to wear; it made me laugh that she acted that way at her age but now we don't even have enough warm clothes for the winter. It kills me each time she says she doesn't need fancy clothes anymore and only wants to feel warm and go back to school. What makes it worse is our tent has recently been flooded by rain.

The whole camp turned into a swamp overnight. The children woke up soaked, shivering and terrified. It was almost impossible to calm them down as the rain kept pouring. We are doing our best but even if we succeed in finding the treatment, it's going to cost almost a fortune. This is why we need your support even more now.

All we do now is fight for survival every day. I never imagined,even in my darkest nightmares, that I would be searching high and low to put food in my children's mouths and keep them warm or that I would be begging the world to literally save their lives but I have no other choice now.

Despite the unbearable suffering we're daily going through, I still believe in humanity. please keep us in your prayers and help us anyway you can. Donate if you're able to,reblog and share our story as widely as you can.We are grateful to each and every one of you

Vetted by @bilal-salah0

7,464$ / 10,000$

[fishii-writes]

salvatore - sae itoshi

paring: sae x fem!reader

psst, look out for @/saioratral's version

cw: not proofread, intended lowercase, swearing!!, kaiser n reader are besties, reader is implied to be wearing a bikini/top with string at the back, slight horror themes, imagine i meant the description in a dandadan "acrobatic silky" way :3, no romance. i'd call this angst even, basically nearly 2.2k words of pain for reader, sae's lines are written in red, lyrics are in pink.

note: this includes themes of (in a way/implied) toxic sae. there's derealization themes in this, and swearing. there's a somewhat graphic? description of sae's face in this, and i want you to click off now if things like dandadan's art scare you. this isn't a very good horror/thriller fic but its certainly not smth i want anyone to be affected by. sae is kinda a ghost/hallucination ig. a bad memory.

a/n: wrote this in one sitting HELP. not my usual style. enjooyyy <3333 pls lmk how the "horror" went cus i wanna write more stuff like this :3 theres a few direct references of the song salvatore in this ;)

word count: 2190

listened to salvatore by lana del rey on repeat for this <3

on. off. on. off.

the lights flicker, it’s so annoying. how are you meant to read beside the pool if the stupid light keeps turning on and off?!

well, to be fair. it’s nearly midnight and you’re sitting beside the pool of your best friend’s house. its like a cliché scene from some music video, and its definitely not as aesthetic as it looks. its way too hot for sitting outside at night. it’s hot and it’s dark, no one’s gonna see you. so you pull off your shirt. if anyone does happen to be outside this late at night, it should be considered a blessing to see you. hah, losers.

you had a swimsuit under it since you and your best friend would regularly take late night swims when you both would stay up.

ah, right. said best friend’s name wasn’t ever dropped.

cue to michael kaiser. yeah, your best friend is crazy rich and. well, crazy.

thankfully, he’s asleep in his room right now. its funny, you can’t sleep at a sleepover. since he has a week break off of soccer, he invited you over to stay. for the whole week. today is day two, and you already miss home. sure, you missed your ever busy best friend. but your bed at home… it calls you…

hey, at least you’re getting pampered and getting princess treatment from your best friend.

so, another few minutes pass. its even hotter with just a swimsuit’s top on, what on earth?? you wait a few more minutes, fanning your face with your hands in hopes to cool off. but it seems not. you open your book from where you left off, the words still too dimmed since the light keeps flickering.

fuck it, you think. i’ll just listen to music. so you pull out your phone, lowering the volume as to not wake up michael in his room. you slip off your shorts, now sitting on the seat beside the pool in just your swimsuit. the air’s stuffy in a way, but a cool breeze almost flirts with your hair when a rush hits your face.

perfect.

you turn up the volume just a bit, slipping into the pool by the ledge as quietly as you can. the cold water embraces every inch of your skin, from the tips of your toes to forming endearing rings around your thighs. it feels like a cold yet comforting hug around your waist, and like a kiss to the fabric of your swimsuit when it soaks through.

it’s just perfect.

you feel yourself find comfort in the cold water. it’s summer and stinking hot. you’ll probably be out here a while, so you let your hair soak itself in the water, just like your swimsuit. you cross your arms over the ledge, pulling yourself up a bit too bring your phone close. the screen is just barely readable, your phone’s battery is about to die. you sigh, opening spotify and pressing the shuffle button twice. there, smart shuffle. now you’ll have some form of anticipation. you place your phone down a safe distance from the ledge, pressing skip on the dim screen and turning it off. however long the battery lasts is okay, you’ll be entertained for so long.

a song you can’t remember the name of plays. it has a slow-ish opening, something you’d expect to have stuck in your head when you see a hot guy walk past. or when you suddenly get that surge of confidence, of that feeling when you feel, no, know, you’re attractive.

and that’s what the opening lines of the song make you feel.

you turn to face away from the ledge, your back leaning against the cold tiles as a sigh escapes your lips. a relaxed sigh. a somewhat bored sigh. but a content one, to say the least.

“i adore you, can’t you see? you’re meant for me~”

the song hits close to home, a little too close.

ah, that’s right. the cold tiles against your back are suddenly unwelcoming, its like this massive pool is boxing you in. what’s the feeling? the cold water isn’t nice anymore, its like its throwing insults at you for being in it. the embrace around your legs and waist isn’t loving anymore, its threatening.

what is this feeling??

your breath hitches, then quickens.

in, out. in, out. in-out-in-out-in-out-in-

you hyperventilate in the cold water, the ledges of the cold, dark pool seemingly boxing you in. its all in your head, you try reminding yourself. but it doesn’t work. tch, when have you ever listened to yourself, anyways?

you turn to try pulling yourself over the ledge and getting out the pool, but your hands are shaking and obviously wet. tears fill to the brim of your eyes, both of frustration and fear.

you’re alone. that’s right, you miss him.

you desperately try using your foot against the tiles of the interior of the pool, to give yourself a boost out of the dark sea. but your attempts are in vain, how stupid. stop thinking like that! its just like him!

the song continues playing, almost like its mocking your futile attempts to escape this forsaken pool.

“catch me if you can, working on my tan~”

shut up! you trying pushing yourself onto the ledge again, it works! and then you slip back down the slippery tiles. well, not before you hit your chin on the ledge. you whine out in pain, forgetting to be quiet. a panic attack is the last thing you want in a pool, in the dark and alone.

okay. try controlling your breathing. in for five seconds, out for seven. you try. but your breath hitches again. you cough out, shaky hands letting go of the ledge to cover your mouth in hopes to muffle the sound.

bad idea.

you lose your footing and can’t grab on in time, to really anything. despite being a suitable height for the depth of the pool on your chosen side, your head goes under the water for a few seconds.

you force one eye open the smallest bit, stretching your arm out to grab the ledge. the tips of your fingers just barely grasp the sharp ledge, pulling your head out of the dark void of horrors.

you gasp out for air, coughing between each attempt for your lungs

to produce an action similar to that of blowing up a balloon.

its a good thing you closed the door as much as you could before sneaking to sit beside the pool, otherwise, michael would’ve heard you. you didn’t lock it, though, so there was a barely one millimetre gap.

you desperately try boosting yourself up just a bit once more, your tired body just barely forcing you up. you throw your arms over the ledge, crossing them over each other like you would cross them over your chest.

finally, you’re stable enough to keep your head above the water. your breathing also stabilises a bit, you can finally hear what song spotify has decided to play for you.

“puttin’ on my music, while i’m watchin’ the boys~”

you lightly, almost emptily laugh. like, what boys? he ignored your confession years ago, no more boys are worth looking for. with music dedicated to them, at that.

“that’s funny. more like music while i’m watchin’ the girls.” you hear a voice. not just any voice, a voice that pangs your heart. a voice that makes it feel like your lungs are filled with chlorine water again. a voice that cuts your fingers a hundred times worse than the ledge of the pool. a voice that fucks your mind over.

“s-sae…” you internally curse yourself for stuttering. no this can’t be real. why is he here? how?

you don’t turn around. hopefully you’re just talking to yourself. but you feel that same feeling, the one where an unrequited lover’s gaze stares holes into your back. despite being in clothing meant for the pool, your back mostly exposed, it feels like his eyes are undressing you. it’s like his eyes are pulling the string on the back of your swimsuit, its like he wants you to relive the pain of being tossed aside like some useless piece of trash.

“[name].” this is just a nightmare, this is just a nightmare. don’t fall for it. don’t fall for it again. don’t fall for him. don’t fall for him again.

he lightly laughs, it sounds mocking. it sounds like he’s walking closer. shit.

“i see you’ve found some self worth. kind of sad, more pathetic.” he stops. where is he??

you don’t turn your face to look for him, either. it’s not the fear of seeing him, like reviving your feelings or something. its the fear of seeing him in general.

you hear the footsteps along the tiles again, this time closer.

“aw what, no response? you used to talk on and on to me.” his voice is mocking, it’s almost… distorted? like in the slightest, it sounds distorted. it’s scary, like those distorted white faces you’d see on jump scare videos. now the fear’s really caught up to you, you hide your face in the crook of your crossed arms. you can feel goose bumps form on your skin, the cool breeze from earlier no longer endearing. it’s threatening. the hairs on your neck stick up as fast as you used to perk up when sae would see your messages. truly pathetic.

“don’t ignore me, my dear [name]. we have so much to catch up on~” his voice sounds more and more distorted by the second, you hear a crack. as comical as it sounds, the crack sounded like the sound of a neck cracking. in a bad way.

the steps move closer. and then they stop. for a good few minutes, they stop. its quiet.

oh thank god, it was your imagination. you slowly life your head, breathing out a sigh of relief-

then a hand settles on your shoulder. long, cold fingers fiddle with your hair. you slowly, almost like you’re stuck in slow-motion, turn your face.

there, a fully white-faced sae is bend over in the most inhumane, most terrifyingly distorted position you could even being to fathom. not to say just that, his face is elongated in an almost dandadan looking style. horror movies are fucking lies.

“come back home, [name]~” his eyes are black, drooping like liquid. his mouth is black, a drooping smile cursing his once smile-graced lips. his neck is bend in such weird ways, and his hands are elongated and around your neck.

around your fucking neck?! he slightly tilts his head, smile growing and showing his teeth that are weirdly far back in his mouth. not to say this whole situation isn’t weird or scary or any other fucking word other than ‘weird’! nope, nuh uh, no fucking way.

his head moves in an almost mechanical manner. one slight tilt makes a loud crack noise. his hand around your neck begins to squeeze, this isn’t a fucking dream!

you scream out as loud as you can, that one millimetre gap in the door being enough for your scream to reach michael. he open the door loudly, yelling out.

“[name]?! what happened?!” he yells, carefully running over the wet tiles to where you’re choking on your own sobs. he leans over the ledge, wrapping his arms around your waist and shoulders to pull you up. you lay in his lap and in the safety of his arms, sobbing and grabbing onto the back of his shirt like some distorted figure was about to end your fucking life in front of you. distorted figure of your first and only love, that is.

“what happened?” he repeats a bit softer, hugging you close. your hands desperately claw the back of his shirt, eventually falling limp.

he’s gone. sae’s gone. he was never there.

you stay frozen, what do you tell michael?? you don’t wanna worry him. you’re about to come up with a lie, but…

there’s a tap on your shoulder, and you don’t even need to turn around. from the corner of your eye, you see a long, white finger. shit.

it’s gonna be a long night, the tears fill and blur your eyes once more. your phone hadn’t run out of better just yet, so all that had happened in a span of maybe ten minutes.

smart shuffle played the same song again.

“salvatore can wait, now its time to eat, soft ice cream~”

both distorted? sae and the song whisper mockingly in your ears.

aww, and they say romance is dead ;)

taglist: @your-local-reblogging-kazoo , @tofumiarchives ,

@saioratral , @lakeside-paradise , @lumiambrose ,

@sharks-3 , @neoegoistleague + open (send an ask if you'd like to be added! :D)

likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!! <3

© fishii-writes 2024

[miaoua3]

(pairing: hoshi x f!reader)

sitting on the couch in the living room while reading a book to pass the time, you hear the door open and close, meaning that your boyfriend is finally home.

already smiling, you sit and wait to hear with what pickup line you will be greeted with today.

it has become sort of a tradition for soonyoung to say some flirty and silly pickup line upon entering your shared apartment instead of a plain “i’m home.”. yesterday for example, he greeted you with a “what’s brewing, my hot caramel and chocolate latte macchiato?”. they didn’t even make sense, but they were your favourite part of the day.

so, after 15 second of silence after he has entered, you knew immediately that something was wrong.

getting up, you call out “baby? is that you?”.

rounding up the corner, you see him clumsily trying to take off his chunky boots. upon noticing your presence, he mumbles “hm? oh yeah, hi.”.

oh-uh.

you immediately walk towards him, grabbing his round cheeks in your hands gently. directly his face so you can look at him, you coo through a pout. “what’s wrong, baby? did something happen? can i help you somehow?”.

noticing his red eyes slowly blinking at you, your heart breaks just a bit more.

through a quiet mumble, he said “just…it was a long say today. bad and long.”

rubbing his cheeks with your thumbs, you whisper just as quietly as he did “can i do something for you, baby?”.

his shoulder slightly drop in exhaustion as he closes his eyes.

“just hug me…and please don’t let go.”

immediately getting to it, you pull his head down so it rests on your shoulder before pulling the rest of him towards you. his arms immediately snake around your waist while he rubs his face (and all of his makeup) on your shoulder.

the entire time you just let your hands run up and down his back and head, shushing him whenever you feel his shoulder unconsciously tense up, probably because his mind can’t stop thinking about whatever things happened to him today and that got him feeling this stressed.

after what must’ve felt like half an hour (when in reality it was just 10 minutes) of hugging, you mumble against his ear “do you want me to prepare you something to eat? i went to your parents’ today, your mom gave me some kimchi to bring you, i could maybe make something with it while you take a shower?”.

upon you mentioning shower and insinuating for you two to separate, you feel his whole body tense up again, his head shaking ‘no’ firmly.

sensing that he will get upset again, you just say “okay, let’s just go to bed then, hm?”.

with a curt nod from him, you waddle to your room awkwardly while still holding him to yourself.

helping him change out of his clothes and into his pyjamas, you quickly help him take his makeup off and wash his face, never straying too far away and always keeping at least one hand on any part of his body.

finally, as you two lay down on your bed, he immediately crawls on top of you, forgetting that he’s a bit heavy and that he is definitely cutting off your breathing for the moment because of his weight on top of your chest.

but you ignore it, for the moment. because your soonyoungie, the love of your life, is seeking out your affection in hopes that his bad day can at least end on somewhat of a positive note.

you don’t even realise when he fell asleep until you hear low snoring from him, totally concentrated on playing with his short blonde hair.

feeling the dreamland calling for your name too, you kiss the top of his head before you close your eyes too.

“sweet dreams, my sweet boy.”

[insidekatmind]

Meet my sister P.4-Jude Bellingham

Part.1,Part.2,Part.3

plot: Federico Valverde wants to introduce his younger sister to Jude, his teammate. He hoped that something romantic would be born between them seeing that their characters were perfect together but things take a different turn

The following day, Federico had arranged a special lunch with Jude, Kylian, Vinicius, and, of course, his sister Y/N. Despite the palpable tension between Jude and Y/N, Federico hoped the situation wouldn’t escalate and that everything would go smoothly. He knew how complicated both of their personalities were, and he didn’t want his lunch to end with another argument between them.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Y/N was already there, sitting at the table with a radiant smile, completely unaware of Federico’s concerns. She wore an elegant dress that seemed to fit her style perfectly, her brown hair falling softly around her shoulders. There was something in her demeanor that immediately caught attention, but today she seemed calmer than usual, as if she had decided to take a step back.

Federico approached Jude before he sat down.

"Please, Jude," he said in a serious tone, "try not to argue with Y/N today. I know you two don’t like each other, but let’s try not to ruin everything. It’s important to me that you both behave civilly, at least today."

Jude looked at him, his eyes showing slight irritation. "Don’t worry, I’m not here to fight," he replied sharply. "I’ll try to hold my tongue." But there was no promise in his gaze, only a silent challenge, as if the thought of Y/N was always there, ready to make him react.

Kylian and Vinicius sat down at the table, both smiling, aware of the tense atmosphere but ready to have fun despite it all. The tension between Jude and Y/N didn’t go unnoticed, but Federico hoped that with time things might improve, at least during lunch.

Y/N gestured for you to sit next to her, her curious gaze watching you as you took your seat. A faint smile spread across her face, but there was nothing hostile about it. "I hope you’ve eaten, Jude," she said, her tone sarcastic as always. "I wouldn’t want you to get upset if my order is better than yours."

Jude, who had now taken his seat, slowly turned toward her, trying to keep control. "I’m not going to get upset over something like that," he replied with a sly smile, "but I hope you don’t actually believe your order is better than mine."

Federico sighed, looking between the two of them. The atmosphere seemed charged with almost palpable tension. But, maybe, a little irony and a teasing smile would manage to keep things at least somewhat calm.

---

The lunch continued with an atmosphere charged with tension, but also a certain electricity hanging between you and Jude. Both of you challenged each other with your looks, almost as if it were a game, but while he seemed more serious, you were visibly more entertained by the situation. You couldn't help teasing him, enjoying how he reacted to each of your moves.

When Vinicius started making some jokes, you, without thinking too much, leaned toward him, responding with a light laugh and flirting a bit with his natural charm. "You know, Vinicius," you said with a mischievous smile, "I'd love to see how you move on the dance floor. I see you're good at making girls' heads turn."

Vinicius, always smiling, seemed to appreciate your playful attitude. "Well, Y/N, if you'd like, we can go for a spin once we're done here," he replied, giving you a look that left little room for interpretation.

Jude, who had been watching from a distance, couldn't help but clench his teeth and shoot you a dirty look filled with annoyance and jealousy. Every word that came out of your mouth seemed like a little provocation towards him. There was no doubt you were enjoying making him angry. His expression became harder, but you kept smiling, enjoying the moment.

"I thought you'd be more interested in what's on your plate, Jude," you said, giving him a mischievous glance. "But I see you're distracted." Your voice almost sounded like a challenge, as if you really wanted to test him and see how far he'd go.

Jude stared at you, his look now completely different, darker, and more determined. The annoyance he felt mixed with something deeper, but he would never admit that he found you intriguing. "I don’t get how you manage to do all this without losing control," he muttered, his voice sharp.

Meanwhile, Vinicius, who didn't seem to want to miss the chance to keep the atmosphere light, laughed heartily and got involved in the conversation. "I think Y/N knows how to have fun," he said, looking at you with a knowing smile.

But Jude didn’t seem amused at all; in fact, his face had grown serious. He continued staring at you with a look that, despite trying to appear indifferent, betrayed a hint of frustration.

Federico, sitting next to you, quickly glanced between the two of you, hoping the situation wouldn’t get out of hand. But it was clear now: the challenge between you and Jude was just beginning, and the tension was only going to grow.

---

The tension between you and Jude continued to grow visibly, and soon, the words began to get harsher. While Vinicius and Kylian spoke to each other, trying to lighten the mood with jokes and laughter, you and Jude couldn't hide the irritation you felt for one another any longer.

"What's wrong with you?" Jude suddenly snapped, his tone full of frustration. "Every time I open my mouth, it seems like you have something to say back, don’t you realize how annoying that is?"

You raised an eyebrow, amused by his reaction, but without stopping to keep it intimate and provocative. "Oh, really?" you replied, pretending to be surprised. "It doesn’t seem like you’re suffering that much. In fact, it seems like you kind of like it, considering you can’t stop looking at me."

Jude gritted his teeth, his gaze now burning with anger. He couldn’t understand how you could drive him crazy so easily, but a part of him couldn’t look away from you, despite everything. "You like testing me, don’t you? You thought I’d let some kind words slip out, maybe?" he retorted, his sarcasm sharp.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I do," you responded with a mocking smile. "I enjoy seeing how you react. It's almost funny, if you think about it."

Federico, who had been trying to stay calm until then, looked around and saw that things were getting out of hand. "Hey, enough!" he intervened, trying to lower the tension. "Please, don’t start fighting now. I’m trying to keep this a civil dinner."

But you didn’t stop. Your provocative spirit was too strong, and his behavior annoyed you even more. "But you don’t really want to listen, do you?" you shot back at Jude. "Because if you don’t like me making you lose your patience, maybe you should look for someone who stays quiet. And I don’t think that’s me."

Jude slammed his fist on the table, his face darker than ever. "You have no idea how badly you’re making me want to completely ignore you," he said, his voice trembling with repressed anger. "But I know that's exactly what you want, right? You want to drive me crazy. Don’t think you’ll win with me."

"We’re already in the game, Jude," you replied, your voice deeper and sharper. "And I can see you like playing, at least a little."

Federico ran a hand over his forehead, feeling his heart race. He didn’t want everything to end like this, but it was clear that your battle with Jude had just begun. What was supposed to be a calm dinner was turning into a real battleground.

---

When they left the restaurant, the atmosphere was still tense, and despite Federico's attempts to keep the peace, the argument between you and Jude had left its mark. The guys parted ways, heading to their cars to go to training, but the heavy silence that followed was yet another sign that the tension hadn't subsided.

Federico, who could no longer stand the constant hostility between you and Jude, finally exploded. He approached Jude with determined steps, stopping him before he could get into the car. "I can't take it anymore, watching how you behave with her!" Federico burst out, his voice full of frustration. "Every time you two cross paths, it's the same story! I'm asking you to calm down, to stop fighting with her, and all you do is provoke her!"

Jude, who until that moment had tried to keep a facade of indifference, couldn't help but react. "It's not like you think, Federico," he replied, trying to sound calm, but his voice betrayed a defensive tone. "I don't want to argue with her, it's just that... she's unbearable! Every time I open my mouth, she answers like she's trying to challenge me, and you don’t understand how hard it is to stay calm with someone like her."

Federico looked at him, his eyes full of disappointment. "You don't get her, Jude. She's just a bit... different. She's an exuberant person, always ready to throw out a challenge, but that doesn't mean you should treat her like an enemy. I know her well, and I assure you, beneath all that attitude, there's just a strong personality. She's not trying to wage war on you."

Jude sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair, trying to contain the anger that continued to burn inside him. "She's driving me crazy, Federico," he admitted, looking at his friend with frustrated eyes. "I don't know what to do. Every time I see her, I feel like I have to be careful with every word I say because I know anything could seem offensive to her, even if it's not. It's like she's always ready to throw her fight at me."

Federico took a step back, trying to think of how to explain things better. "She's not challenging you, Jude. She's not trying to provoke you on purpose. She just has a way of doing things that might seem hard to handle, but I'm telling you honestly: she's just testing you. And as much as you want to deny it, I know something attracts you to her, even if you don't want to admit it."

Jude looked at him for a moment, in silence, as if he were trying to figure out if what Federico was saying made any sense. "I don't know, Federico…" he finally replied, his tone softer. "But I can't deny that something about her drives me crazy. But I don't even know how to deal with her. She's not the type of girl I’d expect to meet."

Federico smiled wryly. "Yeah, but maybe that's exactly why you should stop acting tough and try to understand what's behind that facade. She's not just a game, Jude. She's a complex person, and if you really want to have any chance with her, you need to stop treating her like a challenge and start seeing her for who she really is."

Jude remained silent, thinking over those words, but deep inside, he knew that the battle with you was just beginning. A cocky smile slipped out, but there was also a hidden unease. "We’ll see, Federico. We’ll see."

[dogpilled-puppymaxxing]

zoochosis is so shit to deal with.

my main way to combat it is any kind of mental stimulation i can get. zoochosis arises from understimulation and stress, so i try to combat that smuch as i can.

the main things ive done are

playing games, especially puzzle games or anything that makes you think. both physical puzzles or phone apps can somewhat do the trick

going outside as much as I can even if its to do something that i could possibly do inside

walking when possible! its better outside but even pacing or a treadmill can be good. really any kind of physical hobby, specially if it gets your mind off things. mental puzzles are good too ofc.

hobbies in general are good. something to do that can make your brain work the way it would in the wild.

try to make your diet more natural. again, if possible. i usually feel better having eggs, baby carrots, & lunch meat, but this is mostly cause human food makes me sick a lot. its also just ideal to have a decent diet, and can keep your brain n body in check.

try connecting with others of your species, or just other nonhumans. even if you're not a pack animal it helps to feel less alone. even if you have anything like a family pet, it's just nice to connect with something that's more like you.

s'not always gonna work and nothing's a guaranteed cure, but these things can help ease symptoms at least a bit in my experience. hope you feel better.

My living situation is making me develop some kind of zoochosis I think.

Physical nonhumans and clinical zoanthropes, how do you deal with it?

I've been wondering if I have some kind of clinical zoanthropy going on as well. I'm not sure, but I've been thinking about it a lot. My shifts as of late are turning into transformations and it's distressing. It usually happens at night when I try to sleep. It pains me that I can't go outside and disappear into the wilderness.

It's probably my body's way of protecting itself when I'm vulnerable, and I know it's some psychological thing, but I'm becoming more and more aware of just how nonhuman I am.

There isn't any humanity in me left.

I'm afraid nobody will understand.

[graveyard-pansy]

hey ashton! – do you have any reqs for books on autism? (Pref by an autistic) I've read a bunch but I'm getting really tired of them all praising hans asperger. The last one I read was Neurotribes but it made me soooo mad I felt really infantilized idek how i managed to finish it 😭

-🍓🎭

oh i despised Neurotribes so i v much feel you! i enjoyed Unmasking Autism by Devon Price (who is autistic!) though it does def focus more on low-support-needs folks. that’s the only nonfiction autism book i’ve read though :(( i have a bunch on my tbr that i’ve heard good things about but don’t want to recommend anything i havent read.

i have a Deep Desire for a radical-politics autistic anthology. maybe someday one will exist 😌

[rosenkranz-does-things]

got an ask recently about the way my digital art looks like traditional, so I tried to explain the steps on my self portrait, feat. some of my favorite artists and favorite brushes. sorry if it's incoherent, I'm not used to explaining my process besides "I've been professionally studying traditional art for half my life and I'm really bad at technology so I just paint digitally the way I do on paper"

[theswedishpajas]

Inspo from this random short I stumbled into on youtube today

[screwpinecaprice]

She woke up. 🐑🥀

I rewatched Bunnyfarm, and her screams is still so terrifying ajhsjskjabajwbdjjdb Ugh so good 😭🥰🥰

---

Brush used for the bloodstains!

I have made a couple of adjustments to this old work, it now looks a bit more readable? I realized I don't do well with dark backgrounds because I could not tell how dark it is, if it's to the point I could not see anything. 😅😅😅 Which sucks, there are so much ideas to work with dark scenes. 😓 I hope to improve on this faster, figuring out a technique so I don't have to make it a habit of going back on a supposed finished drawing just to make it clearer.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

Happiest Birthday to the coolest drummer, Yagami Toll - the dedicated man who never put his hair down ahaha.

Not only is he a great drummer, but as the oldest member - who probably had to take up on the role of a parent many times - he is a very admirable human. The big brother of the band and the fans.🤍

Despite struggles and hardships, he always had a smile on his face. I hope he keeps rocking on and laughing for another 62 years!!! 🙏

I truly wish his birthday is the best it can be despite the circumstances, and I hope him and the rest of the members throw a huge party 🤍🤍🤍

Love love Aniii please keep being you and keep making music🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[blorbologist]

Get your hands dirty - Chapter 2

Perc’ahlia | M [for gore n whump] | Campaign 1 AU with choice bits snagged from TLOVM | Percy is the pact weapon + 'Shooting our your palm has fucking consequences' AU

[Chapter 2 finally here after @burr-ell bullied me. Hopefully the third and final chapter will follow soon-ish?]

“Lord de Rolo?” and the words belong to a dream because that title belongs to Father and Father is dead, except Percy can’t wake, can’t wake up  -

Stop. Breathe. Restart.

Dawn breaks late over the Alabaster Sierras: tall toothlike mountains take up so much of the sky, the sun must climb high to clear them. It’s well past that first bite of morning, and so probably hours later than he would usually wake. 

Knocking resumes at the door, more urgently, so Percival hopes his voice comes clear: “Yes?”

“Lord de Rolo,” and she has to be a servant that survived the purge, to put that much deference into the name, “your sister and companions await you downstairs for breakfast.” The they’re quite concerned, sir, is only implied. Which confirms Percival’s hunch. 

He reassures the maid he will be down shortly, but does not move. Instead, perhaps unwisely, he unpeels the white bandages from his left hand. Like if he removes all the gauze he will find the names where he always has. 

They’re still bare. Percival breathes heavy relief until his eyes catch on brutal color in his palm.

Most of it, truthfully, is not his palm - but the pattern of the comforter beyond. What’s left - left - of the flesh so close to the wound is puckered and mottled with a rainbow of color. He’s felt worse than the dull, tight pain. Which is better than the prickling drowning several fingers. (That’s why it hadn’t hurt, when Vex’ahlia took his hand last night.)

Well. It figures that if Pike could not heal the fingers he shot off the carriageboy, blasting a hole in his own fucking hand would be even trickier for Keyleth to repair. His head spins; nerves, tendons, muscles, a mess of tiny bones. 

In a fit of grim whimsy, Percival holds his hand up to the sun, watching it peer through the gaping crater of his palm.

He tries to close his fist around it. Thumb, pinkie and ring finger make a valiant effort of the task. 

The sun remains beyond his grasp.

[Read from begining] [Keep reading on AO3]

[dimonds456-art]

Maladaptive daydreaming.

[dailynakaharachuuya]

sunset

[yume-fanfare]

somehow i finished this! list of tori stories i recommend, divided by era, with three main sections (important stories, silly stories and other stories that are useful to get more context on his environment but not as relevant to him as the ones labeled as important) and filterable (might add other parameters of anyone has suggestions?). i will probably add others i like in the future and keep this up to date !

[transyurikatsuki]

AO3 FANFIC TRACKER- AUTO POPULATES

Hello! Have you ever wanted to make a spreadsheet to keep track of the AO3 fanfic you read but it takes too long to enter all that information manually for every single fic? Well boy do I have the link for you!!!

It is not perfect. There are things it can't handle (like when there is more than one relationship tag it will spill) and things it outright cannot do (pull data from locked fics). HOWEVER. A lot of the time, all you have to do is copy and paste a row, insert the URL to the fic you just read, and boom. It will auto populate the title, author, word count, relationship pairing, content rating, and # of kudos.

For the past 4 years I have imported all this data (and more) manually into my personal spreadsheet. There are spreadsheets out there that do this, probably more efficiently and simply. Well mine is free, unlike those, and therefore you get quirks.

Once you do this, you can then very quickly and easily do fun things like sum the # of words you have read, just to scare the shit out of yourself. its a good time.

anyway, it is view only right HERE -> fanfic spreadsheet

just make a copy, or copy what you want and leave what you don't. and have fun :3 in return for my work I'd love to see screenshots of how you use it!!

[lightprkdraws]

He's being a tease