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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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buntanteen · 3 months ago

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cockwarming dilf!mingyu thoughts (nsfw)

summary: thoughts on reader cockwarming dilf!kim mingyu :3

contains: 18+ nsfw! mdni!!

✩ svt writing & fic rec masterlist ✩

thinking about cock warming and slow fucking dilf!mingyu

after closing the bedroom door behind him, mingyu turns to meet your gaze. the moment the two of you make eye contact, you both gravitate towards each other. the slow movements of feeling up his chest turn into rapid ones trying to undress each other.

walking backwards to mingyu bed, falling into the white sheets with him hovering about you. grazing open mouthed kisses and licks across each other's necks. nosing against each other’s skin as he slips into you. feeling so so so full as you grind down onto his pretty cock.

slow movements of mingyu's hips hitting every spot making you in absolute bliss. the pace slowing down to barely slow fucking. heavy breaths, quiet moans and slips of whimpers filling the room.

trying to keep quiet so none of his kids hear the two of you. mingyu having his arms wrapped around you and his head laying on top of your chest. you have one hand trailing down the curve of his broad back. the other hand is carding your fingers through his hair to move it away from his sweaty forehead.

the summer evening breeze cooling down your flushed skin. the sunset view illuminating his honey skin. the warmth of your and mingyu's bodies lulling the two of you to sleep.

ames note: my other mingoo writing -> bestie fwb!mingyu headcanons

author note: do not distribute my work on other platforms without my consent. if you see my writing in places other than this tumblr account, please let me know. my writings are purely fictional fantasises for fun. the people i write about are real human beings and should still be treated as such. please do not take my writings seriously or as truth.

#buntanteen writings #kim mingyu x reader #mingyu x reader #mingyu smut #mingyu fluff #seventeen thoughts #seventeen imagines #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen headcanons #seventeen drabbles #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfic #seventeen scenarios #svt fanfic #svt imagines #svt smut #pls kindly let me know if there are any issues!!#this is totalllyyy not inspired by a very vivid dream i had two mornings ago about mingyu whattttttt #i think i was his side hoe or rebound or someone he cheated on his wife with???#cuz one of his three kids caught us and said “dad what about mom?"#hoping that dream dilf mingyu was divorced or smth #i woke up before i could find out the drama :<#it was so much for me to handle that i just had to write it down haha #i hope y'all enjoyeeeddd #it took a bit to post cuz i was trying to find the right pics to convey the vibe haha

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littl3d0ll-art · 3 months ago

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I realized their ship name could be gamb and, well… I had a vision

#sfw #used a WIP cuz it’s funnier hbbdsadssc #digital art #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #lambert #cotl goat #meme #I hope someone else besides me finds this funny #their other ship name could be loat but I couldn’t come up w anything funny for that #Goatsie #lambie

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mareplumbeo · 11 months ago

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Reblogging this so everyone can see.

Some of these might be a bit hard for total beginners, but they are easily accessible (Netflix or literally any 🏴‍☠️ streaming platform), and if you want the full immersion experience even though you can't understand half the things they are saying (what I did the first time I watched these shows, basically), I believe these are cool options.

Tv series:

Dark — time travel stuff, it gets really confusing at a certain point but I fell in love with it and I found it really cool

How to sell drugs online (fast) — a bit silly but it was a fun watch and the episodes are pretty short

Totenfrau — short, interesting crime series

Criminal — three standalone episodes set in an interview room, sort of a psychological thriller

Biohacker — I personally haven't watched this yet, but I think it's a sci-fi kind of thing

Also, you can easily find movies and videos suitable for any kind of level on the Deutsche Welle website, it's a German international broadcaster.

Does anyone have any fave German listening material for immersion?

I'm aware of EasyGerman on YouTube and various programs aimed at learners, but I'm looking more for TV shows, YouTube series, or streamers. Podcasts are fine too.

#i hope someone finds this useful!!#langblr #german

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cerubean · 4 months ago

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somewhere deep in the forest...

#trying to get some use out of this 30$ game pack i never use #i'll favorite the original lot on the gallery so that you guys can find it on my profile (ceru-bean)#ts4 gameplay #the sims 4 #simblr #s4mm #s #ts4 #aslo! once im done making the camp tshirts and hats and everything im gonna make the camp counselors!!!! im so excited ^-^#i was thinking of having 4 young adults and 3-4 teens as counselors and then about 12 kids for the camp? idk we'll see #also need the tool mod so i can add activities around the camp off lot like archery or smtg #we'll see how long this fixation lasts and if it'll ever see the light of day but at least i hope it inspires someone else!

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chiricat · 2 years ago

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honky star rail stuff 🍡

#i hope dango trio sticks. i saw someone use the dango emoji for them and they are so RIGHT #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail fanart #cat’s art #dan heng #stelle #march 7th #trailblazer #i tried posting this 4 times. bro #anyways. huge dan heng fan. massive dan heng fan even #i have many thoughts about this game but nowhere to put them! all this energy and excitemeny #i don't want 2 bother my friends more than i already do tbh. i feel like i share too much hsr stuff that i find #anyways x2. I THINK ABOUT THEM SOOOO MUCH OKAY GOODBYE FOR NOW #dango trio #🍡

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commsroom · 7 months ago

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Okay! Obviously, I love Wolf 359. The available scripts for Wolf 359 are recording scripts, meaning they're inaccurate in a ton of places when it comes to finalized or improvised dialogue, and don't function well as transcripts (especially since the scripts for the live show and some of the mini episodes were never made available.) That said, I think everyone should read the scripts; the sheer amount of physical description that you can feel in the show, even if you can't see it... I guarantee it will enhance your listening experience. Most visual show to ever be an audio drama. So, in pursuit of both of these goals at once, I went over every word in the scripts, and wrote up new scripts for the unavailable ones. Some of the sound effects described - especially in early episodes - might not line up exactly, because I didn't want to mess with the non-dialogue portion of the show, but I hope this strikes a good balance and can be a useful resource.

#wolf 359 #w359 #i went back to standardize some s1 formatting last minute so um if i accidentally deleted anything in the process. let me know?#or if there's anything else that stands out but. it should all be there more or less. the dialogue should be accurate now.#do whatever you want with these. compare them to the unedited recording scripts.#use them for screenshots of things you couldn't accurately screenshot before.#use them as actual functional transcripts for dialogue you can't parse. though i had to make some choices with cross talk #especially in the sound and the fury where most of it isn't really meant to be heard and it doesn't easily. format together.#anyway. um. that's it! i hope someone finds this useful and i hope it gets some more people to check out the scripts. maybe.

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inkskinned · 2 years ago

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"it's so embarrassing you like that popular thing" "oh ew that geeky/strange thing is so cringe lol" "oh it's kind of weird you get excited about that harmless shit"

dude i love how ironic and jaded you are and that's so cool and sexy of you. and i am so so glad to tell you - you won!! we all had a meeting and we decided that you won, and we are writing your name on the inside of a burger king crown. the marker smeared, sorry, but we knew any form of real effort is ugly to you. but anyway. congrats! you are officially the coolest, most ironic, most jaded person in-the-world-right-now. we would throw you a party but you would think it was totally boring - and besides, we're weird so we wouldn't have been coming. we would have brought our love of beetles and of baking and of little canapes. we would have brought our artsy videogames and pages of writing. we would have written a poem with you, our hands covered in ink, and spread out a canvas to dance on, the night so lurid and pink.

but do not worry. we will not throw the party. we will just get you a ringlight and that crown i mentioned. it is a nice crown, except for where one of us dropped it.

the vote was a really hard one because we had so many cool ironic people to pick off the shelves. all of you have hands that rot fruit, how strange is that - you can't look at something without destroying it for other people. you like it when you can squeeze a person into a pinpoint - all us small ones scampering our little feet around our ugly joys. the vote was also a hard one because we kept our voices down because you don't like it when we talk too loud. you were on your phone at the time, talking to people other than us. you are a ghoul of every moment - half in, half out, you resent us for being here without shame or embarrassment.

so good news! we have invented an island for people like you. you get to go there and speak into the air things like if you still like watching harmless twitch streamers in 2023 you're fucking boring. you will say things like liveplay podcasts are fucking ugly and it's kind of awkward they try to make everything gay. on the island we made you, all of your words will have weight. they will form in the air like icicles, large white behemoth letters that will crumple in anvils around your feet. maybe we will send someone there once in a while to sweep, but honestly you might be there for a while, alone, waiting. we are busy being outside looking for mushrooms and flapping our hands and humming. we are busy kicking our little heels while we watch cringey tv. we are busy - sorry! as an apology, we have pre-filled the island with every bland, mediocre, unscented thing we could find. the island has the texture of american cheese. the island has an ocean that never gets angry. the island is perfect for you, trust me. you will be so happy there - as happy as you can be, ironically.

we want to say we are sorry for doing harmless things that you find annoying, childish, or unappealing - but we are not sorry. we thought we could help you, because we don't mind laughing at ourselves, but it turns out you are allergic to color and noise and atmosphere, so this is the best that we can do for now. we are all making a big shirt that says i voted in the ironic monarchy. we got you one that is just a fast fashion buttondown. i am so excited for you and this island and the big life you have won. you have a cool jaded grey life and miles of irony to roam. i love you! be well.

now leave us alone.

#spilled ink #writeblr #slam poetry #i started this as a joke and ended up taking after #the poem about all the women in the world meeting in the bathroom #i can't find it to link it directly i've been googling for like 15 minutes if someone can remember #turns out frantically googling the only lines like ''women meeting in the bathroom''#''secret womens meeting you always believed happened" is not useful for . to search??? help :(#also the reason this says harmless so many times is bc like #this is 100% about like #yeah man when ppl are mean about ppl enjoying things like. fuckin lady gaga #like this is so obviously about ppl who steal ur joy for no reason (i WILL steal ur joy if ur a bigot btw)#also yes it's bc someone was like ''liking the mcelroys in 2023 is cringe''#and im like. dude what the fuck literally just let people like things it's LITERALLY not that deep.#like i dont like centipedes theyre one of like the 2 bugs im squicked out by ... but like.#if u really like centipedes. im like so happy for you. i hope you can put socks on ur centipedes #so they can speedclean ur floors. that would be fun and cool!!!#i love u i hope all of you have a weird passion i love you i hope that passion fills your life like soap bubbles

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midwinterwings · 7 months ago

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RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1

Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.

#going to start a small 'series' where I document stuff I learn that is otherkin specific. This is for myself as well as anyone who might #be struggling with things I used to/am working on(otherkin specific). hopefully this will reduce any mental pitfalls other otherkin may #fall into as they explore their identity and help out someone.#this 'rule' took a LONG time to fully understand and grasp. for the longest time I would consciously or subconsciously #think I was less Loki if I did or was something 'Loki would never do. until i realized I do exactly and experience exactly what Loki does #and experiences because...Im literally Loki. (talking about incarnations here). I felt pressured to be a certain way because 'Loki would #never (insert). being aroace is on of them. i tried to convince myself I wasn't aroace #and when I finally ran out of reasons i felt i was 'less Loki' because mythologically hes like the opposite. but Loki IS aroace. because #Im Loki. and Im aroace. so loki is SUPPOSED to be aroace because Im loki and im being exactly how loki is being. because im loki. being #myself. therefore being exactly like Loki. again - incarnation.#anyway....if anyone else struggles with this I hope this helps someone. its a really sucky place to be in honestly.#godkin #deitykin #alterhuman #otherkin #divinekin #nonhuman #alterbeing #therian #I think I will be learning a LOT more as I keep exploring and I will note down any 'rules' I learn - more like lessons but rules personally #sound more right for me. rules i will live by (yknow unless i find out im wrong but...im going to trust myself more and right now i feel #like this rule is true. so im using it as such unless i find out im wrong in future.

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eggwishing · 4 months ago

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More !!! Im really fond of the two stitched looking things on the right. I want to design more of them. I’m feeling super inspired by Kanotynes …..

#ocs #as soon as i stumbled upon her art i was Hooked . before i even knew she designed for UT #deltarune i mean oops #i was just scrolling on toby fox’s tumblr account and saw her art. scratched some part of my brain i didnt even know needed to be scratched #finding out she designed lancer & others was an added bonus #so much charm to her designs!!!#im talking with her on twitter … trying to learn her secrets….#i hope one day if i keep it up some up and coming indie game dev will approach me for designs too… a guy can dream!!#maybe said up and coming game dev is in the room with us…. in that case. (slicks my eyebrows and does a miles morales voice) hey.#i wish i was born earlier. the cool indie game rush that happened around the UT peak seems to have fizzled out somewhat 😢#i’m gonna draw a shitton of homestuck art till someone asks me to draw panels for hs^2 . Gnashes my teeth #SOMEONE out there. i’m itching to do SOMETHING

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madelyncilne · 5 months ago

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ꗃ ... click below to gain access to 052 gifs of minnie mills in s01 of obliterated. she is of korean & european descent, along with being born in 2002, so please cast accordingly if you plan on using these gifs! all of the gifs have been made by me from scratch, so feel free to edit them for whatever, but please do not redistribute or claim as your own. like/reblog if you intend on using these!

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