#my fiance is a really great person they’ve been my best friend for twice as long as we’ve been together

[pencilscratchins]

sorry i stopped posting, i got medicated and also engaged

[thiswasinevitableid]

87. you’re a P.I. my parents hired to investigate my fiancee and you completely ruined my engagement party with the dirt you found but I want to know all the details right now

Sternclay, sfw or nsfw, please!

Here you go! I went NSFW and set it in the same universe as this Indruck fill. The orc designs are once again inspired by @kriskukko, whose art everyone should check out

The air is grey and chilly, and his best coat is still a bit too plain for this affair, but Barclay can’t help but glow. His husband to be is using this engagement party to invite him into parts of society he’s only glimpsed from behind kitchen counters or through windows on his way home in the early hours of the morning.

He didn’t even have to cook the table of delicacies and warm punches, which is usually his entry fee into any social space not hosted by Mama or his other friends back at Amnesty Lodge.

“Are you alright my dear?” William touches his shoulder. He’s the height of fashion from the new stud in his nose to the cut of his suit. Barclay looks at their linked hands, marveling at how his tattoos and calluses contrast with the smooth, unmarked green of Williams' skin. It’s wonderful to know he can be part of such an unlikely match.

“I’m fine. I just wish Mama and them could be here too.”

“Barclay, I know you care for them, but they agreed with me that this is not a party they’d feel comfortable attending.”

If memory serves, Mama’s word choice was “enjoy” not “comfortable” but he’s distracted from this detail by the orc currently in a hushed conversation with William’s parents. His accent is American, the same as Barclay’s. He knows William has no friends or family on the other side of the Atlantic, and he’s too well-dressed to be an attendant. When William’s parents fervently shake their heads, the newcomer turns and strides across the floor, right to the happy couple.

“Mr. Cobb” he offers Barclay a slight bow, shows no deference to William, “My name is Joseph Stern. I’m a private detective hired by your fiance’s family. They hoped I would find reason for him not to marry you. I have.”

“I, I don’t understand. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“No, you haven’t. The reason I suggest calling off the wedding is that he” Stern indicates William, “is not the least bit interested in you. He chose you because he knew his parents would disapprove of the match, which would in turn make it easier for him to call off the engagement two months from now and, three months after that, propose to his lifelong friend, Albert Rothby.”

Gasps and whispers fill the room. Barclay looks to William for reassurance but can’t find any; William’s too busy trading alarmed glances with Albert.

Stern continues, “His parents would be all too happy to accept the orc they once rejected for being from a slightly less well-off family after the shock and scandal of him almost marrying a nobody cook.”

“Hey!”

“His words, not mine.” The detective turns to the hosts, “You don’t need to pay me for my time, since I didn’t give you what you wanted. Good afternoon.”

A thoroughly baffled servant hands him his coat and hat as he exits, the room overflowing with chaotic accusations behind him. William doesn’t say two words to Barclay, choosing instead to shout at his parents. Barclay pulls off his silver engagement band, shoves it into his now ex-fiance’s hand, and storms out of the room.

He intends to make straight for the train station, hide his tears and humiliation until he’s safe under Amnesty’s worn shingles. But when he spies Stern on the corner handing coins to an errand boy, his foolish hope gets the better of him.

“How do you know?”

“Excuse me?”

“How do you know that’s really what William planned?”

Stern hails a cab, motions for Barclay to join him inside it. When they’re seated, he reaches into his coat and removes a bound stack of letters.

“Albert’s arrogant and sloppy; all it took was five pounds to get one of the maids to fish these out of his wastebasket.” He passes the notes to Barclay.

Each one he skims is like slicing his finger with a meat cleaver. Not a single piece of his personality or appearance remains unmocked by the time he’s done.

“I was just a game to him.” He stares at William’s signature, the same one that dots a pile of letters he’ll burn when he gets home. When he looks up, Stern’s face is full of sympathy.

“I considered not saying anything. That even if the engagement ended, you might be able to tell yourself it was a true love that wasn’t meant to be. But the longer I trailed you...I saw that you deserved better than being a pawn in someone else's trivial chess game. I offered his parent’s the chance for me to have the conversation in private; they doubled down on their insistence that you must be secretly awful to have lured their dear son to you. Ruining their party seemed fair.”

“I guess.” Barclay’s lip trembles. What was it William wrote? That he was as tender and devoted as a lapdog and twice as fun to kick around?

Stern produces a monogrammed handkerchief from his pocket, holds it out to him, “I’m sorry. I know ignorance is bliss but, um, wasting your heart on someone like him strikes me as hellish.”

Barclay wipes his eyes, but the tears insist on flowing, “No you’re, you’re right, it just, I, I really thought he loved me.” He lets out a bitter laugh, “I really am more brawn than brain, just like he said.”

“No, you’re not.” The cab slows, and Joseph’s blue eyes pin the pieces of his crumbling heart together, “and even if you were every single thing he said you were in those letters, that wouldn’t justify his treatment of you. You’re a good man, Barclay” he smiles for the first time, “someone will treat you how you deserve one of these days.”

The driver announces they’ve arrived at Barclays hotel. He glances at Stern, surprised.

He opens the door for Barclay with a wink, “detective.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Fall arrived on the first of September, meaning the business at Amnesty dwindles right along with leaves. They won’t see another flood of visitors until the winter holidays, when everyone travels up and down the country to meet with family. Barclay fills his days with work and tries not to think about how happy he was a year ago.

Dani has a cold, so he’s working the lobby counter until it’s time for him to start dinner. A chill and burst of nickel-tinted light announce a guest. When the orc approaches him, he drops his pen.

“Hello, Barclay. It’s nice to see you under happier circumstances.” Stern removes his hat, runs his fingers through his black hair, “would it be possible to rent a room here indefinitely? I’m on a case and I have no idea how long it’ll take.”

“Yeah, of course.” He pulls out the register to check which rooms are open, which would be easier if his eyes didn’t insist on flicking back to the orc in front of him. He’d noticed Stern was handsome before, in the same way he noticed the sky is blue or a piece of fruit was ripe. Now it’s all he sees; the cut of his clothes suggesting a trim, capable figure beneath, his clean shaveness showing off the angles of his jaw and cheeks. His tusks are the same size and not chipped like Barclays own. The cook wants Stern to sink them into his skin and not let up until he sobs for a kiss instead.

“Uh, here” he retrieves a key, “I can put you in number twelve. It’s upstairs, last door if you take a left.

“Great!” Stern takes the key, lifts his two bags, “thank you for accommodating me.” His gaze slows as it moves up to Barclays face, “I think I’m going to enjoy my stay.”

---------------------------------

Joseph hates the days where he has to wait for telegrams before proceeding with his investigation. It makes him feel like a dog gnawing its tail out of boredom. At least, it used to. Now that he’s at Amnesty, he’s never bored. It’s hard to be when the best looking orc he’s ever seen likes to talk with him while cleaning tables or making breakfast.

William Ashby is a fool. Joseph knew this when he watched him forgo a kind, interesting orc who was built like a god and had eminently kissable lips for the sake of some uninteresting upper class nobody. But now that he’s eating Barclays’ cooking every day, the opinion is twice as strong. No one should be able to make potatoes a divine experience, but his friend manages.

“No running around stuffy offices or abandoned houses today?” Barclay sits down across from him.

“Not until I get a telegram from that solicitor in London. Black or white?”

“White. Well, that’s good news for me, I get a chance to beat you.” He’s smiling, the firelight dancing in his eyes and off the copper in his beard. Joseph wishes he could mimic the light's path with his hands.

Instead, he grins as he lays out the chess pieces, “In your dreams.”

An hour and a half later, Barclay whoops, “checkmate” and Joseph falls even more in love.

-----------------------------------

“Barclay? Since it’s not raining I thought you might like to…” Joseph falls silent at the sight of Barclay sitting on his bed, facing the window with a defeated set to his shoulders.

“Sure, as long as we’re back before dark.” He shrugs and doesn’t so much as look over his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” Joseph settles beside him, notices the handkerchief with his initials on it clutched between his hands. The tears on it are fresh.

“Nothing. Just, uh, just….this is the anniversary of when he proposed. Of when I thought someone loved me that way, of when I thought that, that...fuck, it’s gonna sound so silly.”

“You don’t have to say it but I, um, I hope you know I won’t judge you for whatever it is.”

Barclay twists the fabric, “I love my life here at Amnesty. I love Mama, all my friends, I love being a cook. But I’ve never been wealthy; Mama and I faced lots of hard times before coming here, especially when my folks died and she took me in. The Lodge does well but there’s always the fear that one day it won’t. I can be happy without fancy food or nice clothes or nights out but, uh,” he clears his throat, “that doesn’t mean I didn’t really like having them. I don’t miss him so much as I miss this feeling of being able to want without worry. Of, of thinking I’d get to do that forever.”

He lists to the side, rests his head on Joseph’s shoulder. He’s both taller and broader than Joseph, which adds to his charms, but right now the detective wishes he was smaller so he could gather him in his arms and protect him from the disappointing world. Give him what he’s missing.

An idea buzzes to the front of his mind. He rubs Barclays shoulder soothingly, “You have to go into London for some orders, right?”

“Uh huh.”

“I have to go in to deal with this case and check to make sure nothing urgent is waiting at my office. Do you want to go together?”

Barclay looks up at him, brown eyes glittering like precious metal, “I’d love to.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Barclay knows Joseph has wealthy clients; he’s starting to suspect he has even more of them than he lets on. They’re in London for two days, and every moment not spent sleeping or working is filled by Joseph taking Barclay somewhere. The meals are by far his favorite, but Joseph bought them tickets to the opera their second night. When Barclay worried he wouldn’t be well dressed enough, Joseph decided they could both do with new clothes and bought everything without blinking at the bill.

Now, Barclay is in a private box, belly full from their stop at Simpson’s and Joseph’s shoulder resting against his own. The music is beautiful, the staging intriguing, but he’s struggling to keep his eyes open, too warm and comfortable from the company and the darkness.

The port they had after dinner probably isn’t helping.

He rests his head back, let’s his eyes flutter closed. After a moment Joseph laughs softly and whispers, “A bit too full from dinner?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“That’s okay. The whole point of tonight is for you to enjoy yourself. If that means happily lazing like a dog by a fire, that’s what you should do.”

Barclay tenses for a second, then relaxes. It’s not like when William kept referring to him as a dog; in Joseph’s voice it’s fond, like a master who knows he indulges his hound but doesn’t care.

“That’s me. Just a spoiled pet.” He murmurs.

Short claws trace across his upper thigh, “As it should be.”

His eyes flutter open; Joseph watches him in the dark, expression attentive and possessive. His fingers don’t move even a centimeter until Barclay nods. Then they finish curving over his thigh to stroke his cock through his pants.

No one can see them, but even so his eyes dart side to side before shutting once more.

“Good boy” Joseph sighs, “sweet boy.”

Barclay nods, squirms as the touches stay teasing.

“Don’t rush. We have a whole other act to go. Just keep quiet; you’re a big, sweet beast, I’d hate to have to” he presses his palm down, “discipline you.”

He bites his tongue to keep from groaning; when they’re back at the lodge, he’s going to misbehave so much.

Joseph keeps up his steady, calculated teasing, Barclay never moving past half-hard. He falls into an almost sleep-like state, feeling weightless and far away from himself yet completely safe in Joseph’s care.

Then swift fingers undo his trousers and a handkerchief wraps around his cock. He throws a palm over his mouth as Joseph jerks his hand up and down.

“It’s almost over.” The detective murmurs, chuckles when Barclay crumples to hide his face in his neck, “that’s it, be a good boy and---oh, oh good lord.” He stifles a sigh in Barclays hair while Barclay cums into the cloth, saturating it embarrassingly fast. William once compared him, unfavorably, to a centaur in that regard. Joseph simply kisses his forehead and tidies him up. By the time they exit, the only sign of their dalliance is Barclays wobbly legs.

He fully intends to return the favor, but sex-drunkeness and general exhaustion drag him to sleep before Joseph is even in bed.

Their morning is a brisk packing up of things followed by a trip to the train station. Once they’re in their cabin, Joseph looks over the notes he made during his research.

“I just can’t shake the feeling Mr. Newton is in danger.”

“Giant cursed hound will do that.”

“I’m not so sure that’s it. I’m not ruling out the supernatural, but there are elements of this that feel distinctly orcish and very much alive in their threat. I’m glad he brought that friend of his with him; were he in Beacon House alone, he could be in serious trouble.” He closes his small notebook.

“I still can’t tell if he’s more than a friend.”

“They might not know. The few times I’ve run into Mr. Newton or Mr.Cold, they seem to be in stalemate, neither willing to make a move.”

“Good thing you don’t have that problem.” Barclay winks, then realizes he might be reading the other orc wrong, “I, uh, I mean, not that last night has to mean anything.”

Joseph unbuttons his coat, “I, um, I hoped it might.”

“Thankfuck.” Barclay slumps back, “me too.”

There’s a click of the lock, then Joseph stands and begins undoing his pants, “speaking of which, it seems to me a good boy would reward me for last night.”

“Yes, oh fuck yes.” He scrambles to get his cock out, stroking it frantically as Joseph rolls up his sleeves.

“You’re so eager to please, it makes me want to give you everything you ask for.”

“Please?”

Joseph, now bare from the waist down, bends to kiss him, “Please what?”

“Please let me fuck you, let me mppph!” His moan slips straight down Joseph’s throat as he sinks onto Barclays cock.

“Ohhhhhyes, ohmylord” the tips of his ears twitch as he rocks his hips, “you feel so good”

“Y-you’re one to talk, fuck, Joseph can I touch you?”

“Anywhere you waAAnt” he tips his head back, whisper threatening to break as Barclay drops a thumb down to rub his cock. He sets his hands on Barclay’s shoulders, “we, we don’t have much time, and I do need to review more of the case before we arrive, so be a good boy and let me ride you hard and fast?”

“Yes, yesfuck, ohyeah” A laugh catches on his tongue as Joseph, his dignified, debonair detective, sets to bouncing up and down on his cock with the kind of abandon he only witnessed when he used to serve drinks in a brothel.

Joseph grins, kisses him messily as their grunts meld with the rumble of the train. Barclay glides his free hand around to grope and paw his ass, savoring how it tightens with the effort of riding, of taking Barclay again and again. Curious, he gives it a light slap, wishing he could see a little pink bloom on the green there.

“Careful, sweet boy; if anyone’s ass is getting bruised it’s yours.”

“Tonight?” He smiles hopefully at Joseph’s flushed face.

“Yes, Barclay tonight. Tonight I’ll, ohlord, strip you down, let you rut on the bed like the needy beast you are while I turn your ass tender and red before fucking it, oh, ohshit, Barclay.” He smashes their lips together as he cums, Barclay whining with pleasure at the fact that he got him there. The detective doesn’t break the kiss as he pulls off, simply uses his strong legs to keep straddling him as he jerks Barclay off with one hand and rucks his own shirt up with the other. Barclay moans helplessly as he cums in large, white droplets all up his stomach and chest.

“You’re wonderful.” Joseph kisses his cheek.

“So are you.” Barclay holds him close, giggles adoringly when Joseph starts concocting theories while half-naked and cuddled in his lap. By the time they reach home, there’s no sign of their dalliance.

Except for their linked hands and matching smiles.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #293

“your head upon a stick would look really sick, but they would call me crazy for the way i spoke to it”

Hey bitch, what's your fucking name? What a start, jc lmao. Brittany. What color are your nails? They're not painted. Last time you got some ass? Well this survey's gonna be a journey. Many years ago. Do your parents like your style/music choices? Yeah, at least most of it. Some music my mom really doesn't like or just hates, while I can't even imagine Dad's reaction to some bands I enjoy. Ever seen your parents make out? tbh would rather slam my ankle on a Razor scooter. What's your dream height and weight? Forget about my height, if I could just be at least 120 again... Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What do you do when your house loses power? Light a bunch of candles and carry flashlights. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek piercings. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes. I grew up going to Sunday school and church, even though I hated both. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Gah... it was a very, very big source of argumentative fuel between Mom and me all the way up to my late teenage years when she just gave up; now, it's to be expected and is completely "normal." I always wanted to be on the computer once I was introduced to it; she tried to limit my time on it, and it was without fail what she would take away whenever I was grounded. I'd even sneak onto it when I wasn't allowed to if she wasn't home and Dad was in their room. My mom really did try to keep me from being hooked on technology, she really did, it just didn't work, but dear god I wish it did. I just about turn into a caveman without some form of it, and it's pretty pathetic. Dad meanwhile has never really cared much, but he'd make a comment here and there that would make me self-conscious about it. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, and guess who would be ignored for the rest of their lives if they did. It's so fucking disrespectful and objectifying to me. If someone wants to send a partner something like that by their own volition, that's cool, but asking, that just seems incredibly rude to me and turns the person into an object of lust. Ever been so scared you pissed? Caaan't say I have. Can you watch scary movies at night and not be scared? Yeah, they've never really fazed me. Last reason you got your cell taken away? I actually don't know if that's ever happened, given the aforementioned computer thing. I was never hooked on my phone. Could you handle working on a farm? Nooooo, that is way too much physical exertion. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? ugh Do you have a favorite type of firework? Well, visually I really just like the big colorful ones, but I don't endorse the use of fireworks anymore. Some animals literally die from fear, they can be seriously upsetting to veterans with PTSD (you could have one in your neighborhood and never know you indirectly gave them a panic attack), and they're a large source of litter. Where would/did you get your first tattoo? My right wrist. What's your favorite kind of pet? Snakes. Favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is obviously the coolest. It's always been my fave. How many pets do you have? Sigh, just two. Our landlord doesn't want us to get anymore pets than what we came in with. What were two of your favorite Disney movies as child? The Lion King and Finding Nemo. They're still my favorite Disney movies. When carving pumpkins, how do you decide what you're going to do? I haven't carved a pumpkin in years... so idk. Do you own any art supplies? Some, yeah. Do you believe you have a higher IQ than most? Definitely not. What is the name of the doctor that delivered you? I have no clue. Mom knows him for sure because she's mentioned him from my childhood, but I don't. Have you ever seen a Lamborghini in person? Hunny, I live in rural North Carolina. You don't see that level of bougie here lmao. Shane Dawson: funny or annoying? I honestly think he's fucking hilarious. I just have such conflicting feelings about him after "the drama," hearing so many people's opinions (particularly from those who know him so well, like his fiance and Ryland's sister), fact checking, audio cutting and mixing, the whole "people change" philosophy... I don't know. When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? I ain't touchin' strawberry. Gross. If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? I'd wanna be a shapeshifter/druid. What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? Yikes, sex toys. Given my age, I'd say if I bought adult diapers, people would assume they weren't for me. I'm awkward enough with all things relating to sex to begin with, so. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Yo wtf I never have and never will (intentionally) kill an animal. Well, correction: I've killed bugs before, the biggest probably being some spider or something, but I really try to avoid this now. Could you win the Hunger Games? lol hell to the fuck no, have you seen me??? For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? ... Maybe? Not saying I wanna find out, though. Have you ever been punched in the face? No, plan on keeping it that way. Is morality universal or relative? I question this myself. Who is your favorite late night talk show host? I don't have one. Where do you put your keys when you get home? They stay in my purse. Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? Neither. The sheer variety of questions relating to coffee and tea in surveys boggles my mind, always feel left out that I can't answer 'em lmao. What’s your phone background picture? My lock screen is this pretty, soft aesthetic screen that has "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough" written in the center. I've really needed it for my mental health lately. My home screen is some meerkats. I know, can you believe neither are currently Mark? Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? Plenty. How do you cope with anxiety? Deep breathing, mindfulness and grounding exercises, confiding in my mom, listening to music (usually my favorite calm, instrumental soundtracks, like from the Silent Hill franchise - particularly the second game! - or Shadow of the Colossus), try to nap, play a game as a distraction, watch my favorite YouTubers (typically something funny)... I'm lucky to have learned a lot. Now, if only I could cope with social anxiety... What was the last takeout food you ate? Oh Jesus, how embarrassing is this timing, seeing as it was one of my unhealthiest fast food orders: Son of the Baconator and Baconator fries from Wendy's. It was so fuckin good tho. Who makes you laugh the most? My friend Girt. What does a successful relationship look like to you? One with great communication and total honesty, and when you are able to build each other up and bring out the best in your partner. It's also imperative for you to feel safe being your authetic safe for me to consider it "successful." What do you like to put on your baked potato? "Salt, pepper, butter, cheese, bacon bits." <<<< That's how we do it, lads. What was the most memorable birthday you’ve had? My 16th, but not for good reasons. Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? That's easy as hell, mountains. I don't like the beach. Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah. Not gonna like what I see no matter what, but I'd like to make sure I don't look worse whan what's normal. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. What do you like to dip your fries in? It varies between ketchup and honey mustard. What’s your favorite kind of museum? Science. Do you believe in alternate universes? Nah, I don't think so. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. What games do you play on your smart phone? Mostly just Pokemon GO nowadays. I haven't touched Dragons of Atlantis in a long time... Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Jason's older brother is red/green colorblind, I think? Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? Middle. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? Ugh, I need to finish decorating my damn room... Got most of the stuff on the walls now, but it's still pretty skeletal in self expression. My motivation is abysmal. Have you ever flown a kite? Oh yeah, I loved to fly a kite with Dad as a little kid when the tobacco field just across the road was barren. Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? My doctor. How many brothers does your father have? I'm almost certain he doesn't have one, just one sister. Do you think you act older or younger than your actual age? It depends on the situation. When it comes to "adulting," I don't have a fuckin clue what I'm doing. I doubt anyone would believe I'm a month shy of 25. In terms of general maturity, I think I act my age, if not older. When was the last time you swam in a pool? It's been years. What are your parents' views on your relationships? Mom is always very supportive so long as they treat me right; she's taken to all my previous partners very well and treated them like family, too. My dad is also supportive as long as I'm treated properly and happy. Is your best friend dating anyone? No. Have you ever babysat before? Twice, but not really willingly. Way too stressful. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? It took a very, very long time, but all pictures with Jason are forever deleted. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? Not a huge crush, no. Ever watched porn? No. You do you, but I don't see the appeal of watching some random people fuck. Ever performed in a talent show? No. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nope. How many celebrity crushes have you had? I'd say Jesse McCartney, Link Neal, and Mark Fischbach are my only BIG celeb crushes I've had. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? I dunno, don't feel like reaching back and counting. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Not visually, but with my adoration of animals. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? Oh, I'm sure. None that are horribly embarrassing though, or else I would have deleted them. Ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen a therapist since the 6th grade. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yep. A Facebook message? Sure have, when I was beyond done arguing with a former friend. A friend request? No, I just decline or accept it. My page is private, so you can't see my activity, and it's not like they get notified if it's declined, Would you say you read into things too much? I am the fucking sovereign of this. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? I love my mom to death, but no. I'd be disappointed. Ever had a credit card denied? I've never had one in the first place. Ever had the lead in a play? No. I do remember though in elementary school, I was real bummed that I wasn't Snow White for one we did for Music class. What about a solo in a concert? Never been in a concert. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Well. One, she's long past menopause. Two, because of ovarian cancer, she had all those organs removed. So, that would be impossible. Have you ever had a threesome? No; I'm personally strictly monogamous and would feel it to be disloyal, even if my parnter was okay with it. What's the last game you used dice for? Not a clue. Are you interested in surfing at all? Have you ever been? No. What brand of bottled water do you prefer? Essentia. What is your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. What is your favorite chocolate candy? motherfuckin REESE'S Have you ever been called a racial slur? No, considering I'm Caucasian. Why did you last stand in line? I was at the doctor's office, I think? What is your favorite pirate movie? /shrug What is your favorite character from Orange Is the New Black? I've never watched it. What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Watching the ending to Paranormal Entity was VERY uncomfortable. It was a decently scary movie, but the ending was seriously intense. When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? I don't recall. Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? I don't know. What are you interested in that most people aren’t? The sheer degree of my love for meerkats would definitely be missed by probably most people. What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I dunno. Anything I could think of, the most current products probably already have and I'm just uninformed of them. Like, I use a Tracfone lmao. What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Their plastic usage and disposal. I'm certainly no saint when it comes to plastic either, but I try to do all I can. What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? Hm, ARE there any? Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? This depends on what you consider "better" and "worse." Environmentally, I honestly don't think mankind can maintain itself for that many more generations at the rate we're currently at, so that's probably just gonna keep getting worse. On the other hand, advances in medicine and things like that will certainly continue to improve quality of life in that sense. Human rights are getting better and better. I do fear that we're becoming too comfortable with laziness and convenience, but I hope that's a decline we don't continue to venture down. What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? I had a college classmate named Apple. Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? Oh, come on now. It's not a competition. What game have you spent the most hours playing? So. When you type /played in World of Warcraft, it will show you your total playtime, and mine is YIKES. Like, around a year's worth of time of pure playing since 2014, I think. What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? I don't recall. What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? When I did WiiFit religiously and lost around 40 pounds in HS. I was in the best shape of my life. What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? Oh, there's certainly something. Probably some Unus Annus clip. That channel was a fucking blessing and a curse all the same. If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? Oh boy, I'd have to think, but probably somewhere in Rome or Greece. What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? I'm unsure. Probably jumping in the pool as a kid. My sisters and I would nag Dad to put the pool up on like the very first day of spring, so of course it was cold, but as a kid, I didn't mind that. What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? Hm. What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? Ha ha yiiiikes, struggle foods... I don't know, but I've had some. What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Herping, though I change my mind on-and-off about it. I'm not very into the idea of disturbing wildlife just because they're cool and you wanna check them out. I'd totally go exploring with a camera, though, and not actually pick anything up. If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? Hm... I actually think something like an art museum for the mentally ill would be pretty interesting and educational? Even something that could build empathy. Maybe mix some psychology in there to understand conditions.

[leftboobsoymilk]

not to be obnoxious on main but i just watched The Wolverine and I, who is not an actual fan and unfamiliar with X-Men lore, have quite a few thoughts

• WHY DID MARIKO AND LOGAN SLEEP TOGETHER first off, she grew up with stories of him being The Great Protector/Beast right? And true, she was emotionally overwhelmed after being serial kidnapped and having the Yakuza chase them and her grandfather dying but?? Deciding to sleep with a Man who is the Protector from your grandpa's stories?? WHEN you already had a perfectly good relationship with your childhood friend who you've wanted to marry since you were kIDS (and I'm assuming they've lived together too given the house they hid away in Nagisa?? Was it in Nagisa or am I remembering incorrectly, sorry! BuT)

• It would make more sense for Mariko to look towards Logan as the Steady, father figure she needed and lacked, the Protector and he liTERALLY IS THE PROTECTOR HE'S BEEN SAVING HER and I would have liked a scene where she just ,, breaks into tears after an excruciatingly long and confusing day, and he is there for her, he cares for her as he would a younger girl, a dAUGHTER PERHAPS

and that leads me to my nEXT POINT

• Logan's character arc lands him right where he started. As The Wolverine. I would have liked a more in-depth analysis of his Soldier mentality. How he kept fighting that, and instead at the end of the movie he embraces that. The thing is, he does so, at the cost of not learning anything. He's back to being a Lone Wolf Soldier. For what?

but imagine

The idea of Logan being the Protector is repeated throughout the film— take it a step further, it fits his arc. he's so tired. He's so very tired, and he doesn't think he deserve love, any goodness, anymore. He sees himself as a monster, a Soldier, who kills on command, and will do nothing but kill, even his loved ones. Jean Grey embodies this fear.

Yet here he is, hailed as a blessed magical being, a Protector of the Yashida family. Despite his claws. Despite the blood on them. Can he actually be good? Him, a weapon?

Give me a scene where Mariko sees Logan in a different light and realizes he is the sacred Protector of her family.

Imagine Logan embracing that role of Protector, and going from Lone Wolf Soldier who will die alone one day, to the Protector. Protector to the X-Men, to Xavier's school, to his loved ones.

It would be a nice little bow, and could circle back to the duality of him being a Soldier, and him wanting an ordinary life. An ordinary life implies a family.

A family is something I imagine Jean Grey not wanting. I can imagine this hurting Logan. Terribly.

imagine, while he holds a sobbing Mariko, he sees a child missing her family. Imagine that while he stays with her in the tiny fishing village and lives in her quaint, quiet home, he catches a glimpse of what domesticity would be like. Give me a scene where Logan continually calls her Princess, in an endearing, fatherly way, because she is much younger than he. And she gains the fatherly love she lacks.

Give me a scene where he catches a glimpse of what having a daughter, a child, a family could be like. He wants that. So badly. Jean Grey didn't, and that broke him. He thought that she was right, he doesn't deserve a family because he will always, always do what he does best. Kill. Mercilessly. He is but a Soldier.

Then we go back to this quote. Soldiers wanting an honorable death. Samurai without a master, are without purpose and whatnot.

While this is a very Japanese, honor-centric concept, soldiers don't want an honorable death sometimes. Not Logan, in this head canon at least. What soldiers want is something to come home to. Something worth all the fighting, all the destruction, someone to hold their blood stained hands and tell them that they are still human, and loved. Capable of love.

Imagine Logan wanting to be able to cradle a tiny human in his arms, his human, to look at him with innocence and not see the monster, but see their loving father. A father. A Protector. That is the purpose he wishes for.

Imagine him mother-henning the students at Xavier's. His gruff, burly self, being a mother hen. Being worried. Wanting everyone to be safe. Protector is a better fit to his personality than Lone Wolf.

Just,, ugh.

Give this man something to live for.

Ugh.

But back to blunter matters. If this headcanon worked out, Mariko wouldn't have that weird dynamic of wanting to trust her childhood friend and now fiance, and wanting to save Logan, a guy she slept with at the final battle. And!!

so Logan's issue of letting Jean Grey go, were solved with a one night stand? With a barely legal child? She's what, in her 20's? Guys. Ladies. Theydies (I saw someone use this as a gender neutral alternative to ladies so?)

Pedophilic influences in society/the industry runs strong, just saying.

and?? With Yukiyo, obviously their dynamic works really well?? Despite it being platonic!! Him having her as his staunch friend, and almost younger sister, works really well?? I loved their dynamic, and their banter, and *gasp* there was more character development in there than the romantic relationship so??

also I wanted to see more of what Yukiyo and mariko's relationship and childhood was like. They could have been dating, that would have made sense, if a bit of a reach. Eh. Could have removed mariko's boyfriend entirely that way, made yukiyo decide between the family she owes her life to or Logan, with some pushing. And the line about her being a plaything? Sinister. A scene of what she thinks of that, of her childhood and her coming to terms with that role, paired with the genuine sisterhood she has with Mariko, would have been great honestly.

And uh ,, viper lady changed her outfit twice before the final battle, within the space of at least two hours so what was up with that?? To show more skin?? Like really. Fucking really. You wasted a really interesting character for the sale of sex appeal. Have her escape, she's smart and would've, instead of fighting to the death with Yukiyo. She would have been badass as a comeback villian in the next movie. And!! If she sheds her skin, can she be like mystique in that sense? Disguises galore, possibly.

tldr; in the words of my mother, who summarized it beautifully, the makers of this movie ' thought with their balls' not with their dick, no no, with their balls. Testosterone-filled balls. Where's the character arc dammit. Oh sure let's have them sleep together then never see each other again, haha one night stand is hot. Where was yukiyo at the end, I thought she was your body guARD DAMMIT WHERE IS SHE

[beermanoftana]

about pepper

warnings: some swearing, ending MAY seem a bit rushed but for me it kinda worked; edited twice so there are some mistakes here and there (but hopefully none)

notes: this was made for @properlycolorful​ because she deserves it after all her hard work, also i love her and i wanted to give her a little something

notes 2: i’ve been working on this since september or october 2018 but i finally just finished it due to writer’s block (i wanted the ending to be perfect–which idk if i achieved) and i was training to become a virtual assistant

notes 3: i honestly don’t know if it’s any good but i’m pretty happy with how it turned out, but what really matters is the opinion of who i wrote it for (psst, you know who you are); sorry it isn’t as long as it should be after all these months

summary: when roger takes it upon himself to teach his nephew-in-law, ben, to play the guitar, he finds himself falling in love with his next-door neighbor, pepper, and coming to terms with his ongoing struggle for happiness and intimacy, including how he failed his ex-fiance, georgia. (see the fake film meme here)

“You said you loved–no, love me.”

One note.

“You said you’d never leave.”

Two notes.

“You’re a liar, Roger.”

Another.

She was calm. Too calm. If you didn’t notice how her voice dripped with venom, she showed no signs of anger, no signs of weakness, no signs of betrayal, not even a teardrop of lost hope. “I hate you.” She took off the ring from her finger and threw it on the ground, the first and only sign of wrath as she went out the door and closed it gently.

“Uncle Roger?”

No response.

“Uncle Roger?”

He continued to think of what was wrong with him. Why he had suddenly stopped loving her. He had no qualms about Georgia. She was amazing. Definitely the girl of his dreams. Funny, smart, loyal, beautiful, and most importantly, she loved him. But why? Why did he do that? What was wrong with him?

“Uncle Roger.”

Roger snapped out of his thoughts and looked at his nephew-in-law Ben. He was looking at him with a flat face, just like always. “Great job, Ben. Great job.”

“I’ve only done about five notes.”

Roger looked down at Ben’s blue guitar. His fingers were still at standstill by the strings.

Roger had been teaching Ben how to play the guitar for about a few weeks now every weekend. His brother-in-law’s nephew had a knack for music, singing, piano, even the saxophone, and he’d been wanting to learn the guitar instrument for awhile. When Roger volunteered, Ben jumped at the chance, however, they never really got along. It’s not that they argued, they never did, but Roger always seemed so distant lately and Ben was just a serious kind of kid, it didn’t make a very good match. Nevertheless, Ben was learning and that was good enough for both of them.

“Sorry, Ben, I was just a little…”

“Distracted?”

The older man sighed. “Yeah. I know, I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself lately these past few weeks and I apologize.”

Ben shrugged. “It’s fine. Maybe we should take a break.”

“Sounds good. Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Some iced tea would be good.”

“You got it.”

Roger stood up from his couch and headed to the kitchen. He got a can of beer and a pitcher of iced tea from his fridge. Pouring the contents of the pitcher in a glass, he decided he would want one for himself as well. It was a hot day and drinking beer wouldn’t do very much for the heat.

He had no plans on leaving the kitchen yet, though. He saw his neighbor Pepper out in her front yard, a white sundress and a beach hat on the top of her head. She was cleaning the fallen leaves with a determined look on her face.

Roger’s kitchen window could clearly see the home of Pepper. And he wouldn’t care to admit that he liked seeing his neighbor around. They were good friends, always bringing food to each other’s houses and telling stories whenever they pass by each other outside. It was a good relationship and maybe, just maybe, Roger wanted a bit more than that.

But he knew he couldn’t. Not after everything that happened between him and Georgia. Hell, he didn’t even know what happened between him and Georgia. It didn’t fall apart, it definitely was the same. But Roger knew that he had changed, one way or another it was his fault that they didn’t work out.

That was what had been distracting him these past few weeks.

He attended a party of a friend. He was drinking, chatting and overall having a merry time. But he saw Georgia. She was talking to a gentleman that he hadn’t seen before. Of course, Georgia would be here, the host was a mutual friend of theirs and although he was disappointed to know that their engagement was off, he still found them to be his good friends.

Michael, the host, went over to Roger and whispered, “You know what to do.”

But did he? Did he really know what to do?

“I suppose so,” he whispered back.

He surfed through the crowd until he found himself behind the gentleman. Georgia noticed him and excused herself from her companion. She went over to him and they kissed each other’s cheeks. Roger couldn’t help but think that her cheeks were soft and smooth.

“Georgia.” He gave her a curt nod.

“Hello, Roger,” she greeted. “What brings you here to me?”

It would be their first time talking to each other since the day he broke up with her about half a year ago. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. How he wanted to take back what had happened. How he wanted her back. But he couldn’t. Not in front of all these people. And because he wasn’t entirely sure if what he wanted was because he was seeing the love of his life or if it’s the truth.

“I wanted to ask you how you are.”

“In what terms?”

“Life, in general. How’ve you been?”

Georgia shrugged but there was a small smile on her face. “I’ve been here and there.”

“That’s not really the answer I was looking for.”

“And you’re not really the person I want to talk to about my life.”

There it was. She was still not holding things well. He doesn’t blame her. They were each other’s everything. Breaking off the marriage a week before the wedding wasn’t exactly the best thing to do to someone who loves you and whom you love back. It just isn’t.

“I’ve been okay,” Roger said lamely. What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t bring himself to apologize without making a scene. “Thought you might want to know.” He rubbed the back of the neck.

Georgia scoffed. “That’s great to know. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get another drink. Want one?”

“Uh…yeah, sure.”

She did get him a drink but left as soon as she handed it to him. Roger drank it in one gulp. “Damn you, Roger.”

And so here he was, staring out the kitchen window looking at his next-door neighbor without her even noticing. He had flirted with her a few times, and she him, but nothing seemed to have come out of it. They’ve gone out to dinner once but it was all just a friendly date for both of them.

“Uncle Roger, you’re staring again.”

Roger licked hips lips and headed out the kitchen with Ben in tow. “Sorry, Ben. Here’s your drink.”

Ben took the glass and sipped. “Uncle Roger, why don’t you talk to Ms. Pepper about how you feel?”

“What makes you say that I have feelings for her?”

“The way you look at her. And I think she’s the reason why you’re always so distracted.”

Roger pursed his lips. “You’ve got a lot to learn, kiddo.” He rustled the younger boy’s hair.

“I’m turning twenty-four.” Ben flattened his hair. “I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You know, that’s what kids always say. And I’m forty, get over it, kiddo.”

It wasn’t long before Ben had to leave. His apartment wasn’t too far but it was getting a bit late.

They weren’t practicing the guitar for the rest of the evening, though; Ben thought it’d be pointless if his Uncle Roger would just be so distracted. So he proposed they talk about relationships.

Ben wasn’t afraid to admit his colorful relationship background. He fancied both men and women. Roger listened to the problems, resolutions and the happy and sad endings of Ben’s stories.

Meanwhile, he talked about his other relationships, how they always failed and he would opt for being with women for a night and leaving them the next day. He couldn’t talk about Georgia, not now at least. So his last topic was Pepper. He told him what they have done since she moved in around the same time he left Georgia.

“You should totally ask her out on a date, Uncle Roger,” Ben suggested. “You’re so into her.”

“Is it that obvious?” he chuckled. He thought about her a lot but he couldn’t say he was so into her. Maybe not yet. “You think I should?”

“Yeah. Why not? Ask her out to dinner tomorrow evening if she doesn’t have plans. I’m sure she’d say yes.”

“I guess there’s no harm.” Roger shrugged. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

And as soon as Ben left, Roger dialed Pepper’s number on his phone. He was nervous, he could feel his heart beating fast, his palms getting sweaty. Finally, she picked it up and he greeted her. “Pepper, hey.”

“Hi, Roger! Anything the matter?”

“No, no. Nothing. Um…I was just wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow, you know, like a date? If you’re not busy or anything.”

Silence.

“Pepper?”

“Sure, Roger! That would be great. It’s a Sunday tomorrow, isn’t it? I just have some errands to do but I’ll be done before dinner. Where and what time?”

Roger decided on a restaurant he had wanted to try downtown. “We can go together, of course. We can use my car.”

“That’d be lovely,” Pepper said. “Okay, thanks for inviting me, Roger. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Definitely.” When they dropped the call, Roger couldn’t help but let a grin crawl to his face. “You’re the man, Roger.”

Quickly, he went up to his room to choose an outfit for the date. He was a very particular man and he liked knowing what would look best on him on occasions like these. Sure, he’s had his fair share of dates but he liked Pepper a lot more than he thought he did and so he wanted to look as good as possible.

Finally, he chose a blue dress shirt and a pair of brown slacks. He looked good in this one, and he had a feeling Pepper would like it, too. He remembered that she mentioned once that blue was her favorite color.

He had not noticed that the dress shirt he chose was the same as the one he had worn when he proposed to Georgia.

The next day was an exciting one for Roger. He had reserved a table for two in the restaurant they were going to eat in, ironed his clothes, shined his shoes, put gas in his car, and took care of himself as he showered for the night ahead of him. He was all ready to go by the time it reached 6:15PM, just fifteen minutes before their meeting time.

He was checking his watch every minute, muttering how time was so slow. He didn’t want to arrive too early but he did want to arrive on time. So finally, at 6:29PM, he grabbed his car keys, headed out the door and locked the house.

He crossed the street and rang the bell of Pepper’s house. In a few seconds, she opened the door and smiled when she saw him. Her red dress was conservative but it looked good on her, she pulled it off.

“Roger, come in.” She opened the door wider and gestured for him to enter. “I just need to finish putting on my lipstick and we’re good to go.”

Roger thanked her and entered the house. He had been there a few times but always as a friend. He looked at the pictures on the wall as Pepper applied her make-up.

He’d never actually looked at the family photos she had around the house, but one picture caught his eye. It was a picture of her and another man. They were standing so close to one another, he had his arm around her shoulder and she had hers around his waist. A brother, perhaps?

But before he could ask, Pepper had called him and said she was ready.

He opened the door for her and once they were both out, Pepper locked the door. Roger led her to his car on the other side of the street. Again, he opened the passenger door and let her in. He jogged to the other side, got in and started the car.

The drive to the restaurant was awkward and silent. Roger tried his best to think of what to say but his mouth was dry. Pepper simply looked out the window and gazed at the sight.

Finally, they reached the restaurant. He gave the keys to the valet and they entered the restaurant together. When they were seated Pepper commented on how the place looked, it was beautiful and definitely expensive.

Roger chuckled. “But i heard the food is worth it. Let’s give it a shot, yeah?”

Pepper smiled and nodded.

When they were done ordering, Roger finally knew what to talk about. He asked her, “So, what made you decide to take up this date offer with me?”

Pepper shrugged. “I thought it’d be cute. We’ve known each other for awhile so why not? Let’s see how it goes.”

Roger nodded, those for some reason, he wasn’t very convinced with her answer.

They talked, laughed and shared heartfelt stories, stories they never really talked about before. Roger was having the time of his life that not once did he get distracted by the thought of Georgia. In fact, he kept his mind open and wondered if Pepper might be the one he was looking for all along.

The night ended.

Roger brought Pepper to her home and made sure that she went in safely, then he parked his car in his garage and entered his own home. It was quiet and lonely, much different from the atmosphere he had with his date.

“It’s reality,” he said with a sigh.

Pepper had told him that she would love to hang out the same way again, and Roger took that as an invitation, inviting her on another date sometime.

He was excited to tell Ben about his progress. The kid was right, there was nothing wrong with what he did, in fact, it probably changed his life.

Roger went to bed that night with a smile on his face. Later, he would have sweet dreams about him and Pepper.

But then he woke up sometime at around 2AM, sweat covered his body and he was having trouble breathing. He was having a good dream, one that made him happy. It was intimate. Not in a sexual way but more of a…romantic way, perhaps? And although he liked it, a part of him was scared that the dream would become a reality.

He brought his hands to his face. “Fuck,” he groaned.

He was starting to figure out what his problem was. What made him decide to break things off with a wonderful woman. But it was too late now, too late for that. And this time around, he’s gotten another chance. It will take time but he can make it. This time, he won’t screw things up with Pepper. No. Not like what he did with Georgia.

The week passed by so quickly that Roger didn’t expect to find himself face to face with Ben in his front porch with his blue guitar slung on his back.

“Uncle Roger?”

“Ben! I didn’t…I…is it Saturday already?”

“Last time I checked, yeah.”

Roger blinked a few times. He checked his watch and chuckled. “Come in, come in. Get yourself ready. I’ll get us something to drink.”

Ben did what he was told and made himself comfortable on Roger’s couch. He brought out his guitar and strummed mindlessly. Roger came back with two cans of soda.

“Fancy a diet coke?”

Ben made a face. “That’s got no flavor.”

“Just imagine that it’s regular coke but with less sugar.”

Ben took a sip. “It’ll do.” He placed the can back on the table and asked, “So how’d the date go, Uncle Roger?”

“It went great, Ben. It was kind of awkward in the car ride going but as soon as we arrived in the restaurant everything was perfect. We talked, we laughed, we shared stories and it was really just…we had a good time.”

Ben smiled. “That’s great, Uncle Roger. I told you things’ll work out. I knew it.”

“You sure did, kiddo.” He rustled his hair again. “You sure did. I should definitely take some more advice from you.”

“Speaking of advice, I wanted to ask someone out.”

Ben told his story. Roger gave him his take and Ben agreed to them, saying how neat it was. They would only end up practicing the guitar for about an hour. They had an even better time talking. Roger never expected this to happen. He knew this was too good to be true.

Later, when he was alone, Roger thought about all the people in his life. There were his parents, his sister, and now Ben and Pepper. He didn’t include Georgia, or more like, he didn’t want to include her. He would just get so upset. But in the end, he knew that she was the reason why he was more distant with others than he was before. He was scared. He was scared of what would happen if he got too close to people. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to be intimate with others. But something was holding him back. Something he didn’t want to even think about.

Failure.

He was a failure in almost everything. He was a failure with his family, his career, his relationships. He hasn’t forgiven himself for the past but he’d already tried to change for the better and it definitely paid off in some aspects, but he can’t escape who he was before. He can’t escape that he was a horrible person, not in a sense that he was a monster, but in a sense that he was a failure. He failed everyone and that made him a horrible person.

“Fuck.”

He allowed the tears to fall.

He didn’t want to reminisce about the things he had done, but he couldn’t help but wonder…what if things had been different? What if he hadn’t succumbed to peer pressure and hadn’t taken those “medications”? What if he didn’t bum around at his first job with great pay and benefits, would he have gotten one of the best positions there was there? What if he had forgiven himself, accepted who he was now, and not ruin the relationship he had with Georgia?

What if? Just a big what if…

The next few days were uneventful. He talked to Pepper from time to time but neither made a move to get closer to one another since their date. Roger wondered if he did anything wrong.

He had made sure to make things right with Pepper. He gave her the time and space he thought she needed to get her to tell him something, anything, about how she wanted the relationship to go. He didn’t want to force her to do anything so he stayed the same. Chatting with her, bringing her some food, flirting a bit here and there, but nothing had come out of it.

Saturday rolled in and Ben came for another lesson. This time, they really did practice the instrument as he made sure not to distract himself with Pepper. He was worried that things wouldn’t go well between them now that he knew what was the matter with him. He tried, he really tried.

Ben stopped playing. “Uncle Roger, are you okay?””

He smiled. “Was I too attentive this time?”

Ben let out a small smile. “You haven’t talked about Ms. Pepper today. Did something happen?”

Roger bit his bottom lip. “I think I may have done something wrong again, Ben.”

“What do you mean?”

“I gave her the time and space I thought she would need to think about our relationship but she doesn’t seem to be wanting more. Maybe I just give off that vibe, you know?”

“What vibe, Uncle Roger?”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “No one else is ever going to know me. Before anyone can find out what’s wrong with me, I go the other way. I drop them completely as if they’ve never mattered. Because if I let anyone think of all the ways I’m horrible, I’d hate how they look at me.”

“…like they’re not happy with who you are anymore.” Ben nodded, almost understandingly.

“Yeah.”

There was a pause before the younger man asked, “Do you hate the way I look at you?”

“No. No, I don’t, Ben.”

Ben smiled. “Then maybe you’re getting there. Maybe you’re getting better than before. Maybe you’re not as horrible as you think you are.”

The words stayed with Roger for the whole week as he tried his best to get closer to Pepper. But there was something about her that just seemed so off. Something she wasn’t telling him. Maybe something she didn’t want to tell him.

Finally, he invited her out on another date. But his heart sank when she said, “A friendly date, Roger. Just a friendly date this time.”

And so he agreed, it was better than nothing.

The routine was the same, although they chose a different restaurant. Her outfit was more conservative than before. He had always known she was conservative but it made him wonder why.

Roger whistled. “Hot day, huh?”

“It sure was,” Pepper agreed. “Roger, I…” she paused. “No, I’ll tell you later. Let’s have some fun first.”

Roger was all for that. They told more stories, talked some more and laughed some more. Roger forgot all about what Pepper had wanted to say. A part of him believed that she was finally going to tell him what she thought about them. He had failed to notice that she said “…have some fun first.”

Finally, dinner was over and they were both picking at their dessert.

Roger took in a breath. “So what did you want to say to me earlier?”

Pepper looked down at her plate. “Roger, I’m having a great time with you. Our last date was wonderful and this isn’t so bad as well.”

“But…?” His stomach dropped.

“But…I….” she sighed. “The day after our date, my husband called me.”

Roger was shocked. “Husband? You have a husband?”

“We’re separated. But he called me and said he wanted to work things out. I love him, Roger. And I’ve always wanted things to work out between us. You are a wonderful man. I honestly was putting you in the picture when I was deciding but…I love William more than I could ever imagine. I’m sorry.”

He was finally doing things right. Or at least, what he thought was right. But then this bomb drops on him and he couldn’t help but feel betrayed.

“I didn’t lie to you, Roger,” Pepper said as if reading his thoughts. “We were separated, on our way to a divorce. I had the right to go out with anyone I wanted.”

“You couldn’t have told me that you were married?”

Pepper nodded. “Okay, I take fault in that.”

Roger shook his head. “So you’re heading back to where you came from?”

“I’ll stay a few more months just to make sure that William and I…just in case we don’t work things out.”

“You’ll tell me when it doesn’t?”

Pepper smiled sadly. “I will. But I don’t think I can go out with you again, Roger. We can still be friends but nothing more can happen between us.”

“Why’s that?” Roger asked, hurt.

“You’re in love with someone else.”

Bewildered, Roger asked if she could repeat her statement.

“You’re in love with someone else.”

“That’s impossible.”

“I can see it in your eyes, Roger. There’s another woman out there. And she’s probably waiting for you, too.”

Roger bowed his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Pepper.”

Pepper sighed and asked for the check.

Their car ride back home was even quieter and awkward. Roger waited for her to get inside before rounding to his own home. After parking and getting inside, he dragged himself up to his room and flopped on his bed.

No more Pepper, he thought. No more Pepper.

When Ben came in the next time, he couldn’t even bother to greet him. Ben knew he shouldn’t even speak. But after two hours of silence, he decided it was time to ask.

“Uncle Roger…?”

“She was married, Ben.”

“What?”

“She was separated but her husband said he wanted to sort things out, and she loves him so she’s willing to try.”

“She played you.”

“No.” Roger shook his head. “No, not at all.”

Ben didn’t push anymore. He went into the kitchen got one beer each for both of them.

“Are you even legal?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m turning twenty-four.”

Months later, Roger was fine. He was good. He was okay.

Ben had become a pro and didn’t need to practice with him anymore, but he would come by a few times a month just to hang. They had a bond now.

But something was empty inside Roger.

He tried different dating apps and even asked his friends to hook him up with someone.

He had already made amends with his family, his career is taking off, but something was missing. He knew it was a relationship but he just couldn’t pinpoint which girl he needed in his life. It was annoying the hell out of him.

One day, Ben came around and they talked. Roger opened up about his problem but not even the younger man can help him.

“Uncle Roger, I don’t know what you’re going through. You’re forty, man, and I’m only twenty-four!” This earned him a glare from Roger. “But you’ve tried everything you could do. Maybe you just have to wait.”

“I don’t want to wait.”

Ben shrugged. “I waited until I was nineteen to get drunk. It’s a win-win situation.”

Roger rolled his eyes. Then his thoughts wandered to Georgia. He wondered how she was doing. “Ben, do you mind if I make a call?”

“Sure. I’ll just be here.”

Roger left for the kitchen and dialed his friend Michael’s number. “Hey, Mike…about Georgia…”

He woke up the next day.

It was then he realized that it was Georgia. He had always loved Georgia. It was always Georgia. Georgia never left his heart.

He knew what he had to do. He jumped into his car and drove downtown to the apartment she was staying at. He rode the elevator and cursed whenever it stopped by a floor. When he finally reached her floor, he hurried to find her door. When he did he was out of breath but he still rang the bell.

When she opened the door, Georgia was surprised to see him. “Roger? What’s wrong?”

“Maybe we can start over?” Roger asked, his breath was heavy but hope-filled both his voice and his heart.

“What?”

“Start over. From the very top. If it’s okay with you?”

“From acquaintances to friends…?” Georgia trailed off, but there was a smile on her face.

“And maybe something more in the future?” Roger grinned.

Georgia laughed and shook her head. But then she looked at him, eye to eye. “Yeah, I’d really like that. Just promise me one thing.

“What’s that?”

“You have to believe me when I say I love you and I accept you and I trust you.” There was sincerity in her voice, something Roger knew she always had when they were together. He just always looked right past it.

“Deal.” Roger smiled then held up his hand. “Hi, I’m Roger. It’s very nice to meet you, Miss.”

Georgia followed, a grin on her face. “Hey. I’m Georgia.  And I’m very delighted to meet you, Roger.”

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs SAO S1

The real question is how no one has arrested this game creator yet 

There are only two types of game players those who create their avatars to look as much like them as possible and those who want to be a pretty princess 

“2,000 people have died so far” well that escalated quickly

Lmao @ Kirito’s group-work anxiety same my guy same

I don’t trust Blue Haired Knight he is hanging back at the rear while everyone else fights 

Well he’s dead now so I suppose it’s irrelevant

I like that Kirito was phased by the fact his partner was a pretty girl for about five seconds before he was calling out battle tactics

Jesus Kirito went from plucky young boy to Edgelord in ten seconds

“Are you talking about suicide?” “That’s not such a bad idea” I mean... u right

I can’t be the only one wondering what’s happening to their bodies while they’re spending literal months in this game unable to eat or defecate

How do u think Kirito’s mum would feel about him sleeping in bed with girls

Kirito made friends and they all died so quickly yikes 

All of Kirito’s decisions are made so abruptly he decided to adopt Silica out of nowhere

Nice to know romance isn’t dead in the virtual reality hellscape

Things are so happy right now I’m sure everything’s about to go terribly fucking awry

Apparently Kirito is a bounty hunter now these time lapses are wild

I can’t believe Asuna is taking Kirito on a date in exchange for letting her nap

Grimlock is a name that screams evil but I’m honestly more suspicious of Yoriko

It seems me being suspicious of someone means they’re immediately going to die lmao

Nope I was correct the first time whoops

“How many times you been married anyway?” Kirito pls 

“I had to kill her while she was still my wife” calm down Othello

Kirito, explaining marriage: “If you marry someone, that means you already like whatever you know about them, doesn’t it? And if you discovered something you didn’t know about them before and fell in love with that too, then that would be awesome?”

Dfghjkfhgkjdhgksd;hf

Lisbeth: Brr it’s cold

Kirito: Well damn Lisbeth I can’t control the weather

But if Asuna has a date and it’s not with Kirito who else are these teens romancing 

“Especially if that someone’s a girl like you, Lis” the biggest recurring trope in this anime is that Kirito is inadvertently romantic 

Lis is such a good friend she sees that Asuna likes Kirito and immediately backs down

“It’s been almost two years since this game of death began” yikes how decrepit must your real body be what about your family what if some of these players have children you are a child

These domestic virtual times are sweet but depressing because their lives are a lie

Sfdjhgdfhgkjh does Asuna’s bodyguard have a titty detector that senses when someone is touching her

“Hey, Klein, still alive huh?” Kirito’s social skill are so great

Lmao @ Kirito punching Klein for trying to hit on Asuna even he seemed surprised by it

I appreciate the plot twist of dual wielding because it’s cool but not like unreasonable within the context of the story

I really do not like that Asuna is basically the prize in this duel 

It’s really zero percent surprising that this event turned to murder so quickly

Literally every choice Kirito makes is so abrupt like I know he likes Asuna but he went from reluctantly joining her guild to kissing her and vowing to stay by her side forever in like a day calm down Romeo 

Gfkhgkjdfhgkfhgkjhfkgj Kirito just wanted to hang but Asuna thought he wanted to bang I’m crying

“And then... we’d get married” I know you’ve been in this game a long time but I feel like you are definitely still minors

This show is the definition of that escalated quickly they decided to get married one minute ago and now they have a house in the woods

“Is he younger than me?!” ASUNA I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MARRIED HIM WITHOUT KNOWING HIS AGE WHAT IF HE’S 12 AND YOU’RE 17 AND ALSO IF YOU DON’T KNOW HIS AGE WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE BOY YOU JUST MARRIED

They’ve still got separate beds and haven’t seen each other naked but also I don’t know what I expected they’re like 15 

I can’t believe they’ve just adopted a child this is insane they are really embracing the ‘I do what I want’ philosophy

You can never escape the stranglehold of capitalism even in virtual reality

“Your mom’s crazy strong, isn’t she?” they’ve really embraced their roles as Yuhi’s parents huh

“I’d rather trust her and regret it than not trust her and regret it” what a lovely philosophy Kirito

It’s really cute that they’re like this little family and all but also really fucked up and sad because they’re not her parents and who knows if Yuhi’s even real

Oh my goodness their baby is a robot 

“Remember, you’re our child” this is going to be upsetting

Did they just promise to recreate their robot baby christ how do you plan on raising her

“Nice job, honey,” this is so funny he’s so proud of his wife the fish slayer

Finally addressing the reality of their decrepit comatose bodies

I knew we couldn’t trust Captain Cheekbones 

I’ve never heard “I promise I’m gonna end this world” said in such an optimistic tone

Whoa they’re both dead that is not where I thought this was going but I guess they went full Romeo and Juliet huh

Well this plot twist makes a lot more sense also how is no one in this hospital stopping Kazuto from escaping the hospital surely a nurse notice him flatline

Is this intro meant to imply that these guys continue to play MMO games after their extremely traumatic two year comas

How exactly did Kazuto explain his relationship with Asuna to her family

Is Asuna’s father going to marry off his comatose daughter?? Surely there are laws against this 

“If I proposed and she could speak, I’m pretty sure her answer would be no” WHAT THE FUCK 

Kazuto makes it sound like she’s just moving away instead of being married against her will while in a coma 

“In the end your heart belongs to her” Is Suguha in love with Kazuto because even if you’re not siblings you’re still cousins ew pls stop

Robot baby has returned

Kirito does not know the meaning of low profile

I am not okay with this cousin-fucking vibe that’s going on Leafa u need to stop

This dude is a fucking rapist I hate him 

How is Kazuto’s education going I wonder considering he just lost two years of his life 

“Do you feel the same way about him?” Obviously not bc she’s too busy wanting to fuck her cousin

Dickface accidentally giving Asuna hope by confirming that Kirito lives

“Did he.... set you that way?” Leafa is asking if Kirito has a daddy kink

This level of drama and dedication to not letting anyone die must not make sense to someone who does not know he was trapped in a life-or-death game coma

It’s funny to see how quickly Kirito has jumped on the killing train now that there’s no longer a danger of actually killing someone

Although with Asuna there it stands to reason that there is potential to hurt someone because there are still some people whose nervous systems are still tied to the game

I can’t believe that Kirito is delaying stopping his girlfriend’s real-life marriage to deal with in-game politics where are your priorities dude 

Kirito as a news anchor: Violence in video games is ruining this generation

Honestly this boy has never been anything less than 200% Extra a day in his life how does he expect to get Asuna if he is causing a ruckus everywhere he goes

Lmao @ everyone hitting on Kirito while he is lowkey thinking about how he’s married 

I can’t wait for Asuna to murder her forced fiance

“Do I want to be a good sister? Or...” do you want to fuck your cousin? It is the latter and it’s unsettling

“I’m in love with my brother, and that’s something I can’t tell anyone about ever” at least you’ve registered that it’s incest but doesn’t mean it doesn’t give me the heebie jeebies still

Without the context it might just seem like Kazuto and Asuna are a weird couple that calls each other mommy and daddy 

I guess Kirito brought a sword to an arrow fight 

“I can do this on my own,” he said immediately after dying

Leafa tried to give Kirito the Hug of Passionate Restraint but instead gave him the Shoulder Grab of “You’re Making a Poor Decision”

Suguha coming to the realization that her life has twice as much incest as she thought it did

I DON’T KNOW WHO IS MORE UNCOMFORTABLE RN ME OR KAZUTO

“I’m sorry” Don’t apologize Kazuto it’s not your fault your sister/cousin wants to bang you

“Right then and there, I swore to close the gap that had grown between us over the last couple of years” looks like that gap was closed a little too well my guy 

That’s a lot of love confessions in a very short time frame 

What are you apologizing for homie literally all you did was exist and be a good human being 

I fucking hate Sugo he is the worst person alive

I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone assaulted on screen in an anime I feel sick to my stomach

What kind of honourable ass shit is this Kirito just gave his enemy a sword

I guess honour only extends so far when you’re tossing someone’s bisected body into the air to impale them

What the fuck are you gonna kill a teenage boy Sugo 

Well if you’re gonna get stabbed a hospital is the best place for it to happen

THIS IS THE REAL WORLD KAZUTO YOU CAN’T JUST KILL PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE 

Kazuto should really get those stab wounds treated

Lmao @ these priorities “well you just woke up from a coma it’s time to meet and make out”

Pretending you have objection to PDA Ms. Let’s Get Married at 16

I like how they all come out of the VR world and they’re all still fuckin nerds

Kirito is such a good big brother to his creepy little sister

[thediaryofalostboyworld]

Where you the one?

On the 16th December 2016, I found out that my fiance and girlfriend of 5 years and 2 months had cheated on me. Once again everything changed. 

In the 18 months after it happened, I’m still try process how I feel about it all. Somedays I wonder if I really loved her, somedays I’m happy it happened, but then somedays I want to break down over the pain and how much that I miss her. 

I did something stupid tonight, I checked her instagram account, the guy she cheated on me with she stayed with for about 9 months, then I found out they broke up and it did make me feel better. But when we split up all contact eventually ended. I did try for us to be friends, but I still loved her and I couldn’t be friends with her while she was with someone else. 

Tonight I looked on her instagram and I saw they still hang out, they’re still friends. Once again I wonder what was so wrong with me? She chose him over me as a lover and as a partner. She didn’t want to stay friends with me, yet she stays friends with him. My mind went into meltdown, I wondered if they still had sex with each other, the thought of them having sex always made me feel sick to my stomach. 

I know deep down, that we weren’t meant to be and shouldn’t be together and I don’t want to be with her, but its like the rejection still haunts me. 

I have real trouble looking back on our relationship at times, part of me feels embarrassed I was with someone like that for so long, I wonder what people must have thought of me and wondered how they really felt about her. But then part of me remembers how lovingly she would look at me and made me feel loved for the first time since my dad got stabbed. 

But what I remember most is the 16th December 2016. The honest truth. 

Things where weird, I knew something was wrong, something lingered in the back of my head, but I wasn’t ready for this. - I can’t keep calling her her for the rest of this story so I’ll name her Judy, which was a name she got called a few times when people miss heard her, which she always would have a meltdown about. 

Judy had started a new job in August, we’d recently moved home from uni and was living close to my parents. I wasn’t working at the time, I was really lost, my grandfather had passed away in September and had deeply disturbed me, but thats a story for another time. 

It was the christmas season and she had been put down to work 5 days a week, it was exhausting for her and this was going to happen for 2 weeks straight. I noticed that she’d come home, shower and go straight to bed. I didn’t really think much of it, but i just assumed she was exhuasted, when she came home I would make her tea and dinner and we still would sing to each other at night. 

We’d started a routine of singing You’re my sunshine to each other at night time before going to sleep, stupid and sappy I know, but after doing it everynight for 3 years, it was weird to go to sleep without doing it. Even when we where miles away we’d either do it over the phone or by text. 

Judy had made friends at work and I was over the moon about it. Judy didn’t have many friends, she didn’t really have any family and all her friends where mine. I was so happy that she was meeting new people and having a little life of her own, it took the pressure off me. She told me she was going out with her work friends one night and was going to stay over her friends she shared lifts with so they could go to work in the morning together. I thought it was a little odd that she would stay with her friend that only lived a mile away from us, but i just assumed they where bonding. 

This whole story happened over a 2 week period. So this night out happened the Friday of week one. I went to the pub with one of my friends and just thought i’d leave her too it, I would send the odd text, but didn’t get much response, she would just text saying “Having a great time, everyone at work is so nice, not much signal here”, which was fair the pub I was in had no signal so I just left her to her night out. 

When I got home I texted her to ask if she was back at her friends, which normal we always checked in with each other before going to bed, just to make sure each other got back safe. But no reply. I texted her the words to you are my sunshine and then sung it at her favrioute teddy, hoping that she just didn’t have signal and somehow my singing would reach her. 

The next morning I woke up at 7, still no reply, so I called her, worried that something had happened to her on the night out. She answered the phone after the 2nd ring in a panic. 

“Are you okay?”

“Ah yeah, im asleep on my friends floor, I’ve got to be quiet”

“Ah okay, are you alright? Didn’t hear from you last night”

“Yeah theres just no signal in her house”

“Ah okay, I’ll let you go, have a good day at work and I’ll see you tonight”

I suddenly thought if theres no signal, how was she talking to me on the phone? I texted her and asked for a picture of her friends horses and I started to worry, but I shrugged it off and just thought I was being stupid. 

I’ve never been a jealous or a paranoid person, I can say that with confidence and I discussed this at length in therapy, I wasn’t. 

I texted her back saying don’t worry about it, because I knew she had to get ready for work. 

I couldn’t pick her up from work that night because I had band practice in our home, so my dad did. When she came home she came in the front room where there was 5 of us rehearsing and hugged me so tight. “I missed you” she said, suddenly all my worries melted, “I missed you too, you need to text back though”. “Well I’m sorry!!” she suddenly changed, she always had a split personality, I didn’t want to cause a scene. “I’m just playing”, she then went up strairs and I got on with band practice. But I didn’t want to be down there, I wanted to be with my future wife. When I came up I wanted to hear about her night out and how work was, but she was asleep, I sang the song to her while she slept and kissed her goodnight. 

This continued till the thursday of week two. That morning she suddenly said she was staying over her friends that night, I suddenly jolted out of bed surprised considering we hadn’t hardly seen each other that past two weeks, she looked at me “What?! I like spending time with her”, her tone filled me with guilt. It must have been so nice for her to have a friend again, so I said it was fine. 

Before she left we kissed really passionatley like we had when we first meet, we hadn’t really kissed like that since we got engaged 9 months before. We texted quite abit during the day and all those fears where more or less gone. But then in the evening, nothing. 

That Friday I told one of my friends I was worried, I said I felt like Judy was becoming distant and I wondered where she really had been the night before. He started to tell me stop being ridiculous and as he said that she phoned.

“Hi, I miss you, can you come get me?”

She told me she’d gone into town with her friend, “erm, aren’t you coming back with them?”.

“No, they’ve already gone”

I thought it was odd, but I was just happy to hear from her. 

“Do you wanna meet and do the Christmas shopping” 

So she got on the bus and we went and bought christmas presents and we where back to normal. We where both big comic book fans, I had been since I was a kind and she seemed to adopt it from me. We bought a comic book dvd ready to watch when we got in. 

But there was still a niggle. 

“Are we okay?”

“What do you mean”

“Ah I don’t know, I’m probably just being stupid, but I worry you’ve gone off me”

“I love you, don’t be silly, why don’t you make us some tea and we’ll watch tv”

I went upstairs to see if she was ready and I saw her wrapping presents. 

“Sorry! Teas ready”

“Its okay I’ve wrapped yours”

 I noticed a torchwood CD. 

“Oh wow, where did you get the cd from?”

“Oh, Dan at work lent it to me”

She’d mentioned Dan before, he was into comics and Dr. Who like us, I thought he sounded cool. But never thought of him twice. 

“Ah cool, okay see you downstairs”

Then I noticed she’d bought a groot toy

“Ah! did you get me that Groot toy for Christmas?”

“Oh no, thats for Dan. He’s got the Rocket one”

Then I noticed she had comics coming out of her bag.

“Did you buy some comics today?”

“No, Dan lent me them”

She wouldn’t look up. I’d just got a new phone, so I had updated my contacts. 

“Do you have *insert names* number? I still haven’t updated my phone babe”

She suddenly grabbed her phone and looked frantically. I remembered suddenly the day before her taking her phone with her to the toliet everywhere. I was never one to spy on her and look through her personal things, but something in my brain snapped. 

She passed me the phone with number on, I instantly went to her texts messages

“Dan: Didn’t want to let go off you earlier 

J: OMG! Yes!” 

That was it. I was right. There was someone else. 

I dropped the phone and asked her what was going on. She instantly denied and just said it was abit of harmless flirting. I broke down I knew she was lying, I knew what had happened. I told her I knew the truth, but she kept lying, saying nothing happened. 

Over the next two hours her story changed. First they where just friends, then she said they had everything in common and just wanted to hang out. Then she admitted she’d stayed over there last night, but not the time before. Nothing happened, they just hung out and drunk green tea. She said she didn’t tell me because I wouldn’t understand. 

I went from angry to devastated to calm back to angry. I can’t remember what I said, but I’m surprised I didn’t have a heart attack, but my heart broke inside. 

Then the truth started. She said they’d kissed, just one peek. Then it went to a full peek. Then I asked her straight.

“Did you kiss him?”

“Yes”

“Did you have sex with him?”

“Yes”

“Did you use protection”

“Yes” 

That was it. Part of me admittedly was revealed. 

Then the truth came. She told me she loved me like a best friend, but no longer a boyfriend, she said she hadn’t been attracted to me for years. 

I asked her bluntly 

“Do you still want to marry me?”

“No”

“Do you still love me?”

“No”

That was that. Then she started crying, I held her in my arms like a baby as she sobbed and said she was sorry. She asked me to punch her, I kissed her, one last time and said goodbye. Asked her to find somewhere else to stay. 

She eventually left and despite my best efforts we broke up from that day. 

And seeing them still together in that picture brings back that feeling, of sitting on the floor and looking at her and my world dying again. The same way as when I sat on my own in that room when my dad was stabbed, my world dyed another time. 

There they where still together, in the lies, and they looked so smug about it. No matter how much I do with my life and how much I’ve achieved since, seeing them makes me feel like the child that I still am. They’re still together and I’m still left singing You’re my sunshine to her teddys. 

But now its time to end the song. I’m done looking at her pictures and caring for someone who obviously stopped caring for me a long time ago. It will take all my strength, but the song is over. 

Peter x 

[meanwhileinoz]

People On Reddit Share The Dark Secrets That Could Destroy Their Marriages

We’ve all got secrets.

Things we are afraid to tell anybody. People will judge you, especially if your secret is messed up.

That is why we have the Internet. To post our secrets anonymously, facing no criticism and getting it off our chests as well. A Reddit thread revealed people sharing their darkest secrets, which could potentially ruin their lives. Read them below:

“Years ago my gf (we’ll call deb) and I were out with her friend (we’ll call Sara). This one day Sara had to pin unlock her phone each time to take one of many pictures….out the corner of my eye I saw her pin. I saved it in a note. Months later sara and deb were at my place and went to the pool. Sara left her phone indoors. I used her password and hit jackpot. Nudes, videos, message logs with some guy she was talking (well call jeff) to, along with tons of dick picks and videos of him jacking off…

With this goldmine of pics and vids I concocted a slow plan…..very slow. Slowly I broke off with deb but kept in touch with sara. I then created a alter ego online (we’ll call it Vanessa). For months I worked this identity so it looked real. This identity started following Sara on all social media (Sara accepted any friend requests). Vanessa blackmailed jeff. Jeff was given 2 days to stop talking to sara or his dick picks got leaked. He was chicken sh*t and dropped her like a hot potato. But Sara was strong willed…when Vanessa threatened sara to stop talking to jeff or her pics get leaked she protested…so I knew I had to change tactics. Vanessa disappeared for a while until I could get Sara’s phone in my hands for a bit. One day sara was over and ‘lost’ her phone at my place. I ‘found’ it for her the next day…. Not before I installed a spy app that let me keep track of her everything. A few weeks later Vanessa came back but now armed with the conversations sara was having with everyone. While tracking Sara’s reactions and suspicions, I made it show that Vanessa wasnt real….

Now all my friends know me as being pretty tech literate. One day im talking with Sara and she breaks down crying telling me how she been long distance sexting this guy and somebody hacked his or her phone and now shes being blackmailed by some stranger she doesn’t know. So she askes me if I could help her. Long ending short I made it look like jeff was Vanessa. I made it look like he created this person so that he could blackmail Sara into f*cked up sex stuff. Sara left him and guess who was the hero? Me. I caught ‘Vanessa.’ Sara was now safe because of me. Once we blackmailed the guy, ‘Vanessa’ disappeared… You know…for realism. Sara and I now had this tragedy…this hurdle that we overcame together. We started dating not long after. She was never going back to long distance relationships and wanted to try local….4 years later were married.”

  “My father never had anything other than boys, and my mother always wanted a girl. Try as they might, they just had tons of boys. When I was 6 they adopted a girl of also 6. Everyone was pleased, and she was quickly included into the family by everyone and we all took an immediate shine to her. Especially me.

We started playing ‘doctor’ at 9. This progressed to fooling around by our early teens, and into actual sex shortly thereafter. We’re both over 30 now. We have sex whenever we see each other. We also like to pretend we are twins when we do have sex. We’ve both had our shares of girlfriends and boyfriends, but we always kept it up even while in those relationships. She’s actually married now.

We still have sex about 2 times a month, more when the family gets together for holidays. I can’t even imagine the bricks that would be sh*t if anyone ever found out. It’s been close a few times, especially when we were younger, but nobody’s ever caught on.

  #3 From a divorce lawyer who goes by TheLadyInReddit:

“Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious porn hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the porn is not ‘mainstream.’ I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t referencing CP, so I pushed him on it.

The guy was into goats.”

  “My friend inherited a beautiful diamond engagement ring. The stone was worth $20K. His fiance was thrilled to receive it and flaunt it. Now his wife of 25 years, it’s still one of her most precious possessions.

Only I (and you 4 million) know that she does not own the original diamond. My friend sold the stone for $15K and an equal sized, substitute diamond on the day he picked it up from being sized to fit her…

The value of the ring was learned at appraisal, and was actually appraised a bit higher. The $20K was the number he knew he could get from a wholesaler in the district. It is still insured for the higher amount. The stone that was substituted is a diamond – and I couldn’t tell the difference. The money was mostly used to clear debts.”

“I’m an atheist. I’m also a deacon in an evangelical church. I’m not exactly proud of it but I try do my part to convince people to live like Jesus because even if he wasn’t god, he certainly had some good ideas about loving other people.

The problem for me is my family. I’m married with a one kid and another on the way. I believe that such a revelation would be devastating for my wife. I’ve tried to tell her in subtle ways but I can’t bring myself to just come out and say the truth. I love my wife and I don’t wish to harm her emotionally in that way.”

  “I am a gay man married to a woman who has no idea I am gay.

How is my life? It’s great. It’s pleasant. I have two beautiful children who I love more than anything. I have a successful job and a lovely home. My wife is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. So that is my life.

Myself, however, the way I feel inside is not so good. I feel disgusted with who I am. Growing up in a Catholic household had me living in fear of being banished by my family for revealing my sexuality. That’s not something I’m afraid will happen, that is something that is a well known fact in my family. I would love more than anything to be honest to everyone. I am a coward though…

As ridiculous as it sounds I thought that getting married and settling down etc would make these feelings I had about being gay go away. Before meeting her I was constantly struggling with the fact that I might be gay. My upbringing made me believe that being gay was wrong and so I always tried to convince myself that that’s not who I was. For awhile it worked. I think I wanted so bad to be straight that I just made myself believe I was. I got married to my wife at 23 and for a short time after our wedding I was relieved. I thought ‘Yes, I knew it. I knew I just had to find someone who would clear all this up for me!’ That just came crashing down. We started having sex more to try and get pregnant and that caused me realise [sic] that I am a gay man. I’m not remaining in the closet because I’m too scared of my wife’s reaction. In fact she would probably be the most forgiving. I have decided not to come out because of my family. I’m not exaggerating when I say that they will disown me. They wouldn’t think twice about it. I wouldn’t be happy. I would be lost. Now that I have children that just scares me even more. I wouldn’t ser [sic] them much at all and that’s not an option for me… There are many things I wish I had done differently but I do not regret any of my choices because they’ve all led me to where I am today. My son and daughter are these amazing little people. I live in a great house with a loving and sweet little family. Our marriage (sham marriage as some people have pointed out) is a good one despite my sexuality. Our marriage is healthier than some that I know about and hear about. I have accepted that I may never come out and I’ve learnt to be okay with that. I will consider going to therapy too. This is the most I have ever talked about it. Up until now I have not told a soul and so I have really swept everything under the rug. It is amazing what you can block out if you really try.”

  “I once helped out my a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.”

  “I have lesbian sex with my best friend about once a month. Neither of us say anything to our husbands. We drink a good bottle of wine, get tipsy, get nasty, and fall asleep. When we wake up, we laugh, kiss, and go about our lives.”

“No ones going to probably find this comment, but I have an addiction to prostitutes. I can’t control myself. I’m also married and my wife has no idea. I spent $2000 on our credit card while she was overseas for 3 weeks. I lied and told her that I had a gambling problem, that’s why I spent so much. Little does she know, I was bringing hookers home.”

  “I’m a guy with a foot fetish. And I -never- told my wife even though she has amazing feet. BUT it gets worse – I have a weird twist to my foot fetish. I’m really into ‘pedal pumping’ (i guess that’s the closest way to describe it) and I’m mortified to tell her or anyone else, and never have. When I was a little kid we spent a LOT of time at church during the week for mom’s choir practice and there was a decent looking piano player lady who would kick off her shoes and play the piano barefoot. And even though I knew nothing of my sexuality, I remember Saturday afternoons, being up on the stage/pulpit during boring choir practice, laying on the carpet, playing with Matchbox cars and trying not to make it seem glaringly obvious that I was transfixed watching this lady’s bare foot pushing on that piano pedal…

I was totally transfixed, and it continues to this day. Women playing pianos, organs, driving barefoot, using a sewing machine barefoot. My fantasies usually always involve me imagining myself as the pedal, and the woman has a sexy bare, nylon, or sock clad foot. If it’s a smelly foot even better. I feel guilty and stupid to this day. Why on earth would a fetish like that develop when I was a prepubescent kid?”

  “When i was in 8th grade i fell in love with my girlfriend. I never thought it would be possible for someone so young could have such strong feelings. The relationship didn’t last more than three months because my mom and step-dad divorced and i had to move. I thought about her every day since i moved away. I met another person and have been married for 20 years now. I have four kids and have no complaints about my wife. Five years ago through social media i was able to correspond with 8th grade girlfriend. It turns out that she still has feelings for me too. I have been faithful to my wife for our entire marriage but want more than anything to be with my first love.”

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