#i hope she gets therapy
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Fall of Cadia is a banger for a lot of reasons (Rath is a great action writer and Trazyn is a shot of pure delight) but I think my favorite part of this book is just how twisted Cadian society was, long before Abaddon showed up. They turned their planet into a death cult then told half the people they weren't good enough to die. Of course there were chaos worshippers, and revolutionaries, and just as much rot inside as out. Of course their people were traumatized practically from birth. The planet broke before the guard did because Cadia was already broken.
This is the 40k grimdark that really works for me. The mundane, the chillingly real. The society that only feeds its people half of the rations they need to live if they aren't deemed good enough killers. Or aren't rich enough to game the system. This place was doomed...but that doesn't make the stories that happened there any less significant. The mistakes and the triumphs and the tragedies all mattered to the people that lived them. Which is so beautifully shown when the people that can make the choice, choose to live. Screw the Inquisition or the forces of literal space hell trying to stop them. Cadia was doomed, but it's people weren't. That's kinda nice to think about.
#warhammer 40k#cadia#fall of cadia#yup this book made me feel things#but also trazyn and cawl are bitchy old men and i love them#thank god we seriously needed the comic relief#i am an official Marda Hellsker supporter#i hope she gets therapy#she will not#but i hope she does
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Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#donald trump#2016 election#2024 elections#personal post#I can't feel any hope about politics without my brain reflexively shutting it down in case things get too nice before the fall#I know Harris has flaws#But I just like her--she's more progressive and feels joy and isn't shy about hating Trump#But then my brain is like “do not get attached or The Pain will be worse later”#This happened in 2020 too---I couldn't believe it when we won I was so busy preparing for the worst#harris for president#democrats#vote democrat#seriously vote democrat#If you are following me or reading my fic and capable of voting in the US election and are not voting Democrat please feel free to fuck off#You're the reason Trump won in 2016 and if you prove my anxiety brain right I hope all your food comes out burnt for the rest of your life#good thing I have therapy tomorrow
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hell hath no fury
another drawtectives by @drawfee brainrot. i have a lot of Thoughts about lotta justice. GOD the way she loses her husband and her son in one night is so devastating. i know she's smiling in the huck e heese portrait but i imagine sometimes she looks in the mirror and catches a glimpse of herself and wonder what kind of monster she created who is capable of murdering his own father. and sometimes, she wonders about what that says about herself.
#drawfee#drawtectives#lotta justice#drawfee fanart#drawtectives fanart#artists on tumblr#art#digital art#i hope she and harper gets therapy
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godd these last pages have been so heart wrenching for everyone but who really breaks my heart is Rachel. if anyone’s feeling like a fool it’s her!! turns out your best friend of however many years/boss and your other bestfriend/little brother surrogate are the same person and you don’t know if something happened to one of them or if they’re even real or if it was all just an act or what!! but you cared SO much for them and you were so so worried and maybe a little overprotective, but you were trying to get better, you were working on it, but turns out it was all a lie!! you knew them- you thought you knew them, him- only to watch in horror as one transforms into the other. you loved them and laughed with them and worried and cried for them and for what? why? what was the point? did you just spend the last two years babying your boss? did your oldest friend decide to fuck with you and act like someone else? was it just for fun? did something happen to him- did he do this to himself? how didn’t you notice something was so wrong? were you just a tool to use? part of a game you didn’t even know you were playing? was hyde even real? was any of this real? you still care for both of them, though, whoever, whatever, they are. you still spent all that time together, all those conversations and bonding moments and everything else- surely that meant something, right? some part of you still wants to help. but what the hell are you supposed to do? where do you even start? what do you even say?
#sorry for the ramble i needed to get this out of my brain#rachel pidgley my heart breaks for you and I hope that if anyone gets a happy ending it’s you!!#ofc Robert and everyone else feels tricked too but Rachel knew and was friends with both Henry AND hyde. like!?£!£!#I don’t even know how I would feel in her situation. the betrayal? the hurt?#oughhh. anyways I will defend rachel with my life she does not deserve anyyy of this. go get therapy baby!!#the glass scientists#tgs#rambles
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Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰
linktr.ee/Mezzy
#klance#can i tell everyone to look away before i write tags to someone privately lmao no? damn#anyway yes i meant music!! and thank you for sharing something!!#baking seems like a hyperfixation#like i know you said you baked once but then look at me#...i was thinking if i could make salads.... i gotta be medicore at least at one food thing#its a joke its a joke#i will one day get used to focusing on more complicated kitchen work than heating up meat or cooking things in salt and water#anyone else had trouble getting out of bed this december?#once i do i try to pick physical activities that dont require creative thinking because man#at the post office i had small talk with a lady waiting in line she didnt speak polish so u know me it happened#and she recommended light therapy lamp#im very tempted to try it becase i had record bad thoughts sleepless nights and jerking awake this month#it might be rooted in economic instability growing inflation costs of living and shitty working conditions while still trying to buy gifts?#but hey there are things we cant have control over and there are things we can#ive got winter wonderland comic coming though#i will try my best to speed-finish it as a christmas gift aight#i hope its going to be a nice thing!!#wow thats a long set of tags
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Misty isn't selfish for wanting friendship with toons.
Misty is selfish for her lack of consideration of toons, their feelings, their perspective. She only focuses on herself and how she has been hurt.
She feels hurt by Bessie's actions, claiming "there was no reason" for her to do such a thing. But toons and cogs are at WAR. Bessie didn't see Misty, she saw a COG approaching her and retaliated. She did not see them as an individual, she saw them as the enemy that's been terrorizing and colonizing their land. And rightfully so.
That being said, Misty did not have ill intentions approaching Bessie. Because of this, they feel hurt that she responded in such a violent way. Misty can feel hurt, but they need to understand why toons feel the way they do towards cogs. They are at WAR. And Misty just doesn't seem to realize that.
She feels entitled to play with toons and garner sympathy from them despite their ongoing battle against the cogs.
It's all about "you still tried to hurt me" and "i've done nothing wrong". Misty truly believes she is the victim and thinks she's entitled to sympathy from toons. But she's not.
Misty genuinely wants friendship with toons, which is why she feels so hurt when they reject her, even if they are right in doing so. Much of her dialogue implies she really is oblivious to the gravity of this war and why the toons, obviously, don't want to engage with her:
Misty may want to befriend toons with no bad intentions, but that doesn't erase what the cogs are doing to the toons' land. And the toons are still justified in fighting Misty. She is a cog at the end of the day.
Misty is so focused on her own, personal pain that she is completely disregarding that a WAR is going on. She disregards what the toons endure due to Cogs Inc. and thinks, just because she doesn't personally hate toons, that they owe her friendship.
I think Misty is probably the main reason for the fandom's villainization of toons and woobification of the cogs. But it's not the fault of how she's written, it's the fault of people who feel bad for a character and suddenly think all their morals have to align with that character. Now, they all have to adapt to Misty's way of thinking: that she is an innocent victim who has done nothing and doesn't deserve any of the treatment she's gotten from toons, and that toons are just evil monsters who attack her for no reason.
THIS COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
You can enjoy a character, like Misty, and feel bad for her. It's obvious there is some real suffering happening here, but it does not justify her view or lack of consideration for others. They are so focused on their own pain that they never think of others. They are so focused on being the victim that no one else can be a victim.
This line of thinking is so flawed, and when a big chunk of fandom REPEATS it, it leads to wild mischaracterization and woobification of. colonizers.
You can like characters who are bad people and disagree with their actions. Misty is not a good person. I think they are suffering, they are hurting, but that cannot be the end of the story. There are others, like the toons, who are suffering and hurting as well. And that should not be erased for the sake of your blorbo. You can still love Misty while condemning her way of thinking. I do myself.
There's the opposite end as well, where people acknowledge this character is not a good person but suddenly think they have to hate the character as a whole because they are morally bad.
Misty Monsoon is very flawed as a person and suffering from her own victim mentality, which hurts others as well. But I love this character. They're fucked up and just want a friend, but they're going to need to be more considerate and aware of their own poor actions if they want to earn that friendship and respect from others. Give and take.
#toontown#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#misty monsoon#rainmaker#my big juicy brain in full effect#having misty thoughts tonight i suppose!#sick and tired of mistys treatment in fandom. i think by far she gets the worst next to chip#misty is not flat evil but they are not good either.#i dont think they wish to be a bad person but they are bc theyre so obsessed with being a victim and getting sympathy#bc they feel its the only way they can be understood and make connections with others#i hope she makes a friend one day. i also hope she massively improves herself before doing any such thing.#get therapy gurl!
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CW: ANGST AND “DOLL BLOOD” AND “CRYING”
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Tfw when ur girl can’t stand the thought of you catching her at a moment of weakness so she represses and manipulates most emotions and situations in a desperate attempt to avoid any chance of you reaching out to support her because she’s terrified of not being good enough not only to you and the people around you but to herself as well and also she’s a ragdoll and you’re a jester and there’s no escape from this madness that brought all this upon you two in the first place LMFAO.
#I think Raggs cries little beads lol#and she’s got a BIG supply of these little nondescript blueish beads that she keeps in jars around her bedroom#she uses the beads for. filling. bean bags.#ragatha: I made this bean toy for you… out of my tears…. *sniffles* I hope you like it!#pomni: (God she should get therapy we should go together) Yay! love it babe!#buttonblossom#my art#ragapom#trad art#pomni x ragatha#jesterdoll#doomed digital yuri#tadc fanart#Ragatha’s Blue Beads
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these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3
#this was back in uhhhh jan 2023!! hot dog!! and its still perfeclty good to eat!#i think kian and chip would get along. they could talk about feelings. kian could give chip the therapy he needs. maybe kiss? who said that#jay and rand could also get along i think. smoke buddies. cigarette fans. i bet they could play dnd together. or build a contraption togeth#also WAUHG the way i colored in kira here is SO PERFECT.. SHES SO SPARKLY N PRETTY. ALSO THAT HOOORNN i remember bleeding for that#shading is HARD lighting is HARD drawing a crazy unicorn is HARD but SOOOO WORTH IT I SITLL LOVE HOW IT LOOKES.....#waht else is there. oh yes the prime defender doodles#i love mark so much.... i miss being crazy and strange abt mark winters... i need to draw him killing more people someday#anyway i gotta go to bed soon to keep my sleep schedul on track but I DONT WAANNA!!!! recently relistened to bitb. that might release spore#im also chippin away at that am i in heaven animatic between workin on commissions. I GOT RLY FAR!! i think that i could finish it within#like. 3 or 4 more inspo waves. it wont be unfinished forevcer..... its so close... just 4 more full scenes to rly fleshh out#so basically another 2 years. YEAH BABy. in the meantime i have a backlog of things i can poast. i got plenty o drawings and doodles to sha#alrigh thats all the ramblin im gonna do for now. sleep well everyone hope shool or work goes easy on u in the coming week
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Olivia is my favorite so far!!
#kickdraw#fear and hunger#olivia fear and hunger#She is my fav but also my fav to play as#I am cursed i want to play as her and get all her dialogue hakdfjghadg#I keep trying to play as other characters but I miss the ramp mechanics so much#nothing fills me with more power than lining up a ramp well and running over zombie cops in the city entrance - instant therapy#i have no idea if that even does damage like out of battle guns do but i hope its possible to kill them that way
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equine therapy starts again today for the first time since … october? nervous 🫠
#debating whether or not i want to continue because so far it’s only given me more anxiety#and i’m not sure the therapist and i … match#i need something softer and she’s not always very soft in her approach#+ she thinks i’m ‘too young’ to occasionally have debilitating back pain#and she also did not believe when i told her i was diagnosed with autism because i ‘don’t look like it’#🙃#many parts of the therapy Have been good but i’m not always sure if she even likes me that much? she gets frustrated when i get anxious#i’ll just see how i feel about it today although i’m shaking with anxiety lol#let’s just say it wasn’t entirely what i dreamed of when it began#and i’m still hoping for my old riding school to get back to me#i might need to resend that email..
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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i feel as if im going mad so im going to just put this out here. real quick. movieunleashers starters ramble.
i cant stop thinking about how mudkip broke down in that one scene in "Typomaniac," when Chespin called him mean. for a second he lets his mask slip a little bit and to me he just... acts his age. he starts crying and calls chespin mean back. maybe im just hyperfocusing on this one detail but mudkip is about 12 years old.
and that just makes me wonder what happened in this guys life that brought him to where he is now. and it makes it all the more tragic how his whole world revolves around chespin, but he is the one bringing him the most pain. and how young he was when he died.
there is a large theme of growing up in "Rare Candy." the characters ages are emphasized in that particular episode, and one of the main conflicts is fennekin wanting to evolve faster.
the thing about characters in these stories is that they're not allowed to just be kids, to have a childhood. so many bad things happen to them. like. mudkips whole, Everything. fennekin when she was famous in typomaniac, or dealing with her own insecurities/pressure from society about her relationship w chespin. and chespin always having to shoulder his friends problems & always somehow managing to stay positive despite everything.
why cant they just. play video games. eat ice cream or something. go to the movies
at the end of the day, i think both mudkip and fennekin are characters who grew up too fast. by distancing himself from them, chespin refused to follow in their footsteps and just wanted to stay a kid.
good for him.
#starters movieunleashers#rambles#long post#mudkip starters#fennekin starters#chespin starters#NOT TO SAY THAT BEING 12 YEARS OLD ABSOLVES YOU OF ALL CRIME BUT GOOD GOD#i honestly think it was good for chespin to distance himself from them??? especially mudkip. holy cow#he seemed... happier(?) in wild oranberries but tbf its hard to say for sure#bc chespin loves doing this thing called “lying”#also. i saw the end credits sequence#not sure how to feel about it i do not have enough information to go off of#but i suppose itll make more sense... all in due time#but going back to what i said earlier i think the issues a lot more complicated#i worry about chespin that boys friendship is basically just “i can fix him!” like girl. no#THEY ALL NEED THERAPY#INCLUDING THE GANG FROM LAVENDER TOWN#*ESPECIALLY* THOSE GUYS#please. ill cry#i cant help but think this will all end in tragedy#i hope mudkip gets a good ending or at least a bittersweet one#like again. he kills people. but hes also like not even in high school and i feel bad for all of them#anyways IM SORRH GOR YHE LONG RAMBLE I RLLY LIKE THIS SERIES??? AND THIS THOUGHT WAS EATING ME ALIVE SO I RLLY WANTED TO SAY IT#hey gang. new hyperfixation#hm. i should also mention the “watching his close friend die on front of him and feeling responsible for it” to the list of chespins traumas#i domt think fennekin was a “bad friend” as much as i think she just had her owm things toing on#and its entirely chespins choice to dostance himself from her
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#discovered the other day while looking up management contact info for the counseling center i get therapy out of#that they had in fact already sent me an email with a customer satisfaction survey#so i answered honestly and put that i do want management to contact me about my answers#so. we shall see.#i hope they do because i don’t wanna have to be the one to bring it up lmao.#i actually got kind of pissed the other day about it because again like clockwork she wanted to reschedule last minute#to a time she /knows/ i’m at work#sigh.
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what's crazy as fuck to me is that the bad kids literally went through kipperlily's therapy notes and everyone's falling over backwards to justify that but god fucking forbid someone who lost her best and only friend in the world has anger issues. you bitches would not have survived the vriska trenches.
#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#she is SIXTEEN. SHE IS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!!#imagine being in a group of people where only one person has your back. and then that one person is brutally murdered.#personally i would go fucking apeshit! but okay ik most fandoms are misogynist as fuck so it's time to hate traumatized teenage girls#i still can't get over using her THERAPY NOTES the shit she said in PRIVATE against her. i hope she kills all the PCs and i'm not joking!#anyway to be clear i do still need to watch fhjy (can't afford dropout yet rip)#but like. lol. the cycle continues forever i guess#god fucking forbid teen girls don't have the most mentally mature responses to seeing their best friend die in front of them#doomed tragic yuri 4ever and i'm glad buddy dawn died. i hope somebody resurrects him just so kipperlily can murder him again#my post#mine
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Love being an arcane warrior in dao i love swinging a giant maul around and being in armour but also casting walking nightmare and horror on my enemies i think swords are cooler but the affect of a maul is funnier than big sword in my opinion. I have like 3 affects (at the minimum) going on at all times and then i do an aoe chug some lyrium just in case and bludgen some guy to death. What.
#dao#dragon age origins#dao surana#dragon age#i havent drawn athima in a while bc im busy w zine stuff but. you bet when im done (hopefully this week) im drawing them sm#idk theyre a silly guy#also my quest dlcs arent working? and when i look shit up it doesnt make sense#im not a tech savvy person is the issue here#anyway- athima my beloved#just met goldanna which was a bust#and im hoping i dont accidentally harden alistair idk how id do it accidentally but.#i wouldnt be surprised if i did#kimda sad you dont get to explain to goldanna that alistair did not in fact live in the royal palace#and that currently all he has is the ppl w him and the clothes on his back#since the arl is still fucked up rn#idk she assumes a lot about him and i wish you could explain stuff to her#cuz its like. i get her perspective she lives a shit life with what 5 kids?#like yeah if i thought my brother was better off than me then id want some help#however she just. assumes hes lived the worlds lushest life#when that isnt the case?#and ik its like. a part of the wholw him standing up for himself thing i think?#idk i read some stuff bc i like to know what im getting into but still be a bit surprised#so. idk man#athima is goin through it too get these guys some therapy#anyway im done rambling in my tags now
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2023 reads
The Deep Sky
scifi mystery thriller
on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere
when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course
the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources
flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother
questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth
#the deep sky#yume kitasei#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i really loved this!!!!!#very intense but also a lot of interesting character introspection#love the virtual reality AI aspect!!!! though I do feel like. in the end I was expecting it to go way further with it?#(basically like instead of seeing the inside of the ship all the time they can 'be' in forests or aquariums or whatever)#no romance#(there’s side lesbians; and one flashback scene where she briefly wonders about kissing a random person; that's it)#emotional core about her mother and brother and best friend !!#i like that it gets into the flaws of 'humanity's last hope on another planet' bc like. yeah in real life things....don't work like that...#why is there zero acknowledgement that the concept of every one of them being expected to give birth being extremely fucked up?#like obviously everyone on board is there because they agreed with that but there’s not a single flashback of#when they found out that information; or mention of someone questioning it...#(for example a character mentions that they hid their mental health/use of a therapy animal bc they wouldn't have been let in and the -#eugenics around that is iffy to say the least)#but to me. pregnancy is horrifying and nobody questioning that was weird.#also there’s supposedly 80 people on board but we get to know less than 10 of them which felt a bit strange at points#Also! I love the cover. I can’t find the designer (the book info only credits the internal lllustrator..)#also: bird facts!
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