#i hope its fun bc im stressed
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Hi look at this cute Sun in a pretty outfit
In other news, i had a really really bad week with so many bad things happening at the same time. Cat got diagnosed with kidney problems, i got very bad migraines, we flooded our flat and all flats below and probably have to pay for all damages and one of my favourite coworker got diagnosed with cancer.
So it has been a week. I might take some more time off but i just wanted to sound off and tell you that im okay and ill come back when i can. Atleast i can actually draw again.
#my art#sun fnaf#sundrop#dca#daycare attendant#dcamv#tw cancer#cw cancer#well i like this sun actually#anyways i hope things get better soon but i have much to do#i have to sew curtains bc we have wierdly formed windows and its easyer just doing it myself#thank you for all the well wishes by the way it means a lot to me#i really love you guys#and im still deffinetly going to come back soonish#when i can#because i miss you#but its a lot of stress even if i have fun because of my social anxiety
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Hywel is inspired by a mix of my issues with stories with nonhuman protagonist/about nonhumans becoming human AND vet posts ive seen warning people about the dangers of anthropomorphisizing animals. Its fine to joke about your pets doing things out of spite or other human emotions, it does put you at risk of not being able to read their body language correctly. Cats dont cry out of sadness, a cat crying, with actual tears streaming down its face, is a sign of a medical issue. A dog smiling isn't doing it bc its happy, it means its nervous. Not being able to spot these is bad, and sometimes even dangerous, for you and the animal.
If you never get past Hywel's human appearance and treat him like one its like getting a reactive dog, doing zero research or training, and then taking it to a dog park. If Hywel mauls someone in town then its on you.
#hywel struggles a lot with good vs bad things specifically#he makes decisions based on what makes him feel good or bad (like most people) but#if you explain something being bad to him using emotional reasons (it makes you a bad person‚ its an awful thing to do‚ its gross)#he genuinely will not get it#he'll try to stop! just bc he was told to stop! but he doesn't know how to apply it to other situations#murder for example#he's immortal death doesnt have the same meaning to him#and he doesn't particularly care about people outside of arisen#they're entertaining he finds them fun. they're critters to him#but he's not bothered by them dying#arisen dying is bad bc it means he failed his charge. he cant die. regular people dying? eh whatever#so he doesn't really get why murder is bad#if ur in vernsworth and tell him no then he'll be like i dont understand but ok!!#its only bad in vernsworth bc thats where you said no at!! everywhere else is fine !#he's not trying to find loopholes!!! he genuinely doesn't get it and is doing his best to work with what he's given!!!#his way of thinking is p straightforward and logical though#so you have to explain stuff by how it effects him and how the cons of doing it outweigh the benefits#hywel u cant murder people you dont like bc if we allowed that people would kill merchants and then you couldn't buy stuff#anyway bonus scifi au stuff while im here#hywel would remember the time loops and would do whatever it takes to keep the crew safe#but the thing is. cosmic horror hywel doesn't really understand time or how the loops are fucking people up#he knows the false dawn losing its crew was bad. he doesn't understand WHY its bad‚ but he knows it is#and he loves this crew! theyre funny and some of them are fun to chew on. enrichment.#he's gonna do whateve it takes to keep this crew safe and together. on the ship. y'know‚‚‚ bc the other ship losing its crew was bad#restarting a loop means nothing to him. yeah he's gotta start over with his friendships but thats fun! enrichment!#hes a creature time means nothing to him#beginning of the loop all his friends are here :^) he's completely unaware of how its negatively effecting people#anyway i cannot stress enough he isn't doing this to be malicious he's just doing his best#someone would absolutely realize he was doing this early on and if you tell him to stop he will#but yeah better hope you can explain why he cant do that well enough or hywels gonna unintentionally find every loophole
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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I aced my thesis defence with merits and I WILL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT (once i had my little rest) tm
#WHAT I WILL SAY NOW IS#i got max score on every single part#so like#written / project / defence itself#and they also decided they are giving me merits YAY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#THIS IS LIKE#KIND OF SPECIAL#bcs i passed my entry exams with merits also and it came with a fun little ceremony in a fancy lecture hall#so im lowkey hoping ill be invited to a fancy ceremony again to close this stage off <3#im very happy and ngl proud of myself#its a giant bow wrapping up my academic career so far#I WANT MY /I HAVE A PhD/ SHIRT!!!!!!!!!#i was so stressed and it feels so good to have everyone agree that i did REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND DISPEL MY DOUBTS#i was literally told the amount of work i put out is like three thesis' worth and its the best theyve seen in a long while#?????????#fuck my mind demons fr always telling me i dont do enough#that realization only came to me after the fact#also my reviewer absolutely ate my little ass#i dont even think i deserve it LMAO but im glad she liked it and gave me an amazing review!!!!!!#im just!!! SO HAPPY#SORRY IF I COME OFF LIKE IM BRAGGING BUT THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME FR. AND TBH I THINK IF I EVEN HAVE THE REASON TO BRAG IT WOULD BE#ABOUT THIS LIFE EVENT#I want to make a post abt this on my art blog ngl#uni#also gonna tag this as#iykyk#because im petty like that <3#i wonder what people who called me names excelled at recently lol#i wish myself a lot of thriving while they continue wilting
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I made myself a crochet crown and decided to wear it out but now I just feel like a fucking idiot🙃
#not a reblog#conplaining <3#idk i thought it was cute and silly when i was at home but now im outside and i feel like a moron#not fun#i took it off bc there were too many people and it stressed me out so fucking bad#im gonna put it on again but still#needed to get rid of the feeling before i can try again#i just hope to god its empty when i get there
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how I look suggesting to my group partners that we do our bio presentation on vultures
#reggietales#specifically how they evolved convergently and might throw in a note thrown in on conservation too bc theyre. in trouble!!!!!!#they said they didnt have any ideas and we needed a topic i was like 'well i do have one idea..........................'#they seemed receptive so we'll see. i feel kind of bad like im forcing them but!!!! augh!!!!!!! we needed a topic and i had that one in min#and they said they were cool with anything so. idk i stressed that we rly didnt have to do this topic i was just throwing out an idea i wan#them to be interested too. its not fun if their hearts arent in it. we can pick p much anything lets do something well all enjoy yk? augh#i hope its ok. i hope theyre not secretly mad at me. mayb i should have been quiet. idk#i hesitate to use the word neurodivergent to describe myself bc ive never been formally diagnosed with adhd or autism#and i also dont think im negatively impacted enough by any traits i share w those disorders to qualify to have them#but i am for sure fucking abnormal about birds and vultures like. hyperfixation is the only word that fits. maybe even special interest idk#like i almost dont WANT to do this topic it weirdly feels like. selfish??? idk im just. aaaahhhhh!!! lmao#*staring haggard and weary at myself in the mirror gripping the counter with a white-knuckled grip* i will be normal i will be normal i wil
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thalia is so growing on me i love my rich woman who has Problems.. i gave her ice powers for like. the elsa vibes.
#but im like damn... gale...karlach....stay away from her... or else ur gonna explode in the end....#really a coin toss between those two and im gonna be sad at the end but that's the thalia experience 😭😭#also i dont think she's gonna save the tieflings... not bc she's evil but she generally doesn't care... and curing the tadpole is her utmos#priority. like she's already stressed with her chaotic magic killing her if she loses 50/50 now you have to add brain worms on top of that?#funny that shri'iia does more heroic deeds and she's like. the evil aligned chara#but thalia is generally very cold in a sense that she's always looking at the bigger picture and she's willing to sacrifice/disregard#who gets caught in the crossfire.. like that's just another responsibility she has to bear for Her. and she's very the type to sacrifice he#own happiness for her Duty vibe. like i think she's just learned how to be content with whatever she's left with.#also she's her father's heir bc she's the only child to her father's First Wife. and thalia get step siblings along the way but i think tha#grief of losing her mother / becoming an adult/handling adult affairs quickly made her jaded on a lot of stuff#and she feels like it's her responsibility to lead her noble house to higher pastures so her step siblings can live freely#like she's just taking all the work to herself - as the Heir. and that's what she was doing UNTIL she gets the wild magic#now suddenly she feels like she's cursed. and the fact that it's chaotic by nature and so dangerous..!! she can't stay in court or at home#over the fear of harming someone. and she's learnt that to get rid of a problem you always have to go to the root of it#hence why she's travelling around finding more info and source of the wild magic in hopes to cure herself from it#and she kind of put her life on Pause bc she believes she can't get anywhere with this curse. but its like gworl u put ur life on pause lon#before that.. anyway her end goal is that once she cures herself and she's normal again she'll prob marry some other old money heir#set up trusts for her siblings and live a quiet life. but that wont happen obvi hehe#also one of the siblings' name is melpomene... being named from the goddess of comedy thalia is kinda boring lol#essentially her story is like. she learns how to have fun. essentially. depending on how i rp her idk yet actually
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same nervous anon from earlier anddd i graduated!! idk why i was scared i was totally fine lmaosl im the queen of overreacting. anyways im officially a graduate and i got SUMMA CUM LAUDE HELL YEAH
hello, baby!!!!! first of all, i just want to say...
cONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, MY LOVE!!!!!
graduating is no easy feat, seriously. i am so fucking proud of you, i was so excited to finally have enough time to answer this because i am so happy that my face hurts from SMILING SO BIG!!!! :DDD
you did the damn thing!!! like i know that at points it was really hard, but you powered through it and i am so excited for you to start this new chapter of your life and see what life has in store for you. <3
i am glad your culmination went smoothly because hooooly fuck, chaperoning the culmination from my school was HELL ON EARTH, hoooooly shit. parents are so entitled and so mean to me like yeah, okay maam, i'm sorry that you are sitting in the fourth row and you wanted to sit in the front row, SO DID EVERY OTHER FUCKING FAMILY HERE TOLD, like i don't care how much you donate to the school???? i didn't make the damn seating chart, yell at the WALL!
it was...oh my god. i still get flashbacks, bro.
but AGAIN I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
and congratulations to all my friends in school or not, whatever you are doing, and however well or not well you think you are doing, know you are very loved and i am very, very proud of you.
sorry, i haven't been around...again, if you were dying during finals week, so am i because i am GIVING THOSE FINALS when teachers decide to rage quit and take their vacations early like??? thanks so much, legend! it's not like i...you know...have never ran your class before and i have to comfort nervous students WHO AREN'T MINE?
but yes, mwah mwah mWAH! i love you guys, i posted a very lame ask meme finally after 73093740934 years and i'm sorry, but because i am so busy i may go dark randomly and come back. the posting is slow goings and i am worried about how stressful working summer camp will be ( though, i am stoked for the structure ) but if you're on the struggle bus, its the hello kitty bus and i'm driving.
which unfortunately is not great news...
because i can't drive.
anyways! cheers! mazel! <3333
-uncle nina, grinning ear to ear
#EVERYONE SAY CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!#WOW I AM SO HAPPY FOR U MY LOVE#YOU DID SO WELL I AM SO PROUD OF YOU#YAYAYAYAYAYAY#sorry it took so long to respond like i said i have been up to my eyeballs giving finals and covering classes and doing papers#i will say that two days ago i had MY FAVORITE WORK DAY EVER because i spent all day with the kinders it was so so nice#they are so cute we did so much fun stuff MY ANGELS#but yes very very very proud of you and im proud of all of you regardless of what ur doing its enough and its perfect#i am working on posting but i really am so tired and stressed so its hard ive been trying to put out that ask meme since yday#i was writing it on my breaks it was hell smh so#its slow but i am working#i also am shamelessly taking breaks bc i got addicted to watching that guy that does the impression of the filipino nurse#BECAUSE HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE MY DAMN LOLA#OH MY GOD AND MY MOM SOMETIMES SO FUNNY#THE HAYSUSMARYOSEP IS SOOOOO REAL IM IN TEARS#never having a filipino stan is my curse i would be so funny#sorry random sidebar BUT LET ME COOK A LITTLE but also i really need to rest bc i am very tired#if you sent me a message please know i saw it i dont have octopus arms i cant hold everyones hand but i am trying okay#also i hope yall like my lore post i think its cute asf
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jesus fucking christ.
#abt wilbur.#abuse#this is largely going to be my rambling immediate largely self centric thoughts so . yknow keep scrollin if you dont want that.#i have nothing meaningful to add to the conversation except watch shelbys vod.#at first i only saw wills tweet bc my brother told me about it#and i thought it was about his EX ex girlfriend or something so i brushed it off like 'oh okay damn a general misunderstanding'#then i searched tumblr saw shubble. found her vod . jesus christ.#hes always poked fun at himself being like 'yeah im shit and manipulative'#so theres always been a nagging. ick . in the back of my head. but never enough to actually. stop myself from liking his content/music.#so yeah. another lesson in 'no no red flags exist for a reaosn. listen to your instincts is a saying for a reason.'#all the love and support to shelby. her candidness & how obviously much she HAS been able to grow past THAT SHIT is genuinely inspirational#not that she needs to be inspirational etc. etc. its just good to know she'll be okay. shes in a good place. thank god.#all the stress for wilburs content friends. whether theyve been manipualteed whether theyve whatever i hope theyre . making good choices.#i say give them time. ik theres a lot of creators immediately coming out. therell be a lot who have to process this shit.#there'll be a lot whove. knowinigly / accidentally been complicit. theyre individuals treat them as such.#personally i just . have not cared about m a n y dsmp era mcyt for a W H I L E . so im happy to detach forever at thsi rate.#i havent been in the mcyt sphere for a hot fucking minute now. i hope youre all doing okay.#this shit hits weird. its okay to feel weird. if you want somewhere to vent my dms the replies on this post the tags are all free and open.#don't stew in it. you dont have to fear feeling selfish or self-centric or shifting the spotlight. you need to let that shit out.#thsis hit sucks !!!! a bunch of his/lvjy songs are comfort songs for me.#idk what the fuck to do about that. my immediate /want/ is to burn it. but thats easier said than done sometimes#if youre gonna 'separate the art from the artist' at least fucking pirate his music. youtube to mp3 that shit.#you can add local 'on your computer' files to spotify.#seperate art from the artist by seperating his monetary gain of YOUR consumption of it as much as possible. /AT LEAST/.#but also good luck separating his largely personal art from him.#im not tryna be condescending im in the same boat.#fucking white whine in a wetherspoons is no. 2 on my panic attacks playlist.#thats not his to take from me anymore. but ik if i listen to it ever again itll make my skin crawl.#ofc its not about me. its not about us the unaware fans. and im glad to know for sure now hes a REAL piece of shit.#m
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2023 year in review
previous years
#art review#year in review#2023 art summary#2023 art#art meme#my art#yaaa....this whole year ive been kinda dreading putting together this comp cause i feel like i havent been putting out much this year#but. i have been#its jst that i deemed 2023 would be my 'year of big projects' so i had a lot of Very Good Very Intricate Posts all within one month#[mermay designs plus making my own tail from scratch in may; lvweek+artfight in july; designing 3 outfits+7 fancy lined charas in oct]#then in the months between those i. did not have energy or time to do Impressive Art bc i was working on the Big Projects so theyde be read#i have a few Big Projects for 2024 planned but theyre in feb [good chunk finished already] and may [already working on it] so im hoping to#aybe Chill the rest of the year and specifically Have More Fun w it#cause the Stress of having to put out art 4 times a month and 1 vid a month#while also Secretly Working On Big Projects To Post All At Once hasnt been. the most enjoyable workflow fhdbghdf#oh well i like how the piece i Just Did tonight looks lineless from a distance did a new technique of Shading Over Lineart&i like it
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my baldurs gate adventuring party is currently 3 lesbians and a gay man to keep the peace
#said gay man is rocking boots. with the fur.#we're keeping lae'zel in the party rn in the hopes that as we progress she'll chill out a little and not be so intense#i dont wanna write her off as too aggro yet#bc like to be fair. theres a lot going on and its been very stressful#but she has got to start being nice to ppl lol#me gale and karlach are just trying to have a fun time#playing a genderfluid half-orc paladin of vengeance#she just wants everyone to like. calm down. be normal. stop being so racist#anyway yeah i just met karlach 5 seconds ago and im fully on board with her#we made her a wild magic barbarian#probably gonna romance her#also we love asterion obviously#sneaky pouty little rat man who is so totally not at all a vampire dw about it babeyy
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guys i have so much homework this week:(
#and none of its even FUN i never have fun assignments this semester#i have to finish this huge maze for perspective drawing on tuesday. and i have my midterm essay due for art history on wednesday#thats it basically actually i finished all the other stuff today#it just is a lot i rlly am not sure if i actually have time bc i also have work tomorrow#like if i knew i could spend all of tomorrow after class working on the maze id feel a lot better abt it but i will probably have to do a#decent chunk of it on tuesday before class... hate that#god i was trying to vent abt it but now ive stressed myself out i need to go to SLEEP so i can wake up and work on it before class. OKAY#heres the plan. I can do at LEAST 2 hrs before work. 2 hours after. That is a decent chunk done and then I can wake up early the next day#and i have until 5 to finish it. EASY#THEN after class i can start the essay. next day wednesday i have literally the whole day. its only two pages it doesnt have to be good#also i have to do laundry that day bc on thursday im going to visit erik for fall break:) it will be a good relaxing break i hope
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...
#we r caught back in the agony spiral yall. bc ive made no progress writing today bc its been a long week and im tired#and i cant focus. but i could probably. im just being a baby abt it#i should just go to sleep. ive gotta go do field work tomorrow and im kinda stressed abt it#or i should do something fun thwt will made me less miserable but i csnt do that. theres no timd#time. so i should sleep. but sleep is a waste of time and really i shoulf b writing#but im tired and my tummy hurt :-(#i hope tomorrow doesnt take long :-((#no sample collection pls 🙏#and ive got interview stuff to prep for. like thats a month away but i gotta convince ppl i understand photosynthesis#and its been a fucking minute since biochem :-(#ugh. im trying to make better decisions in this new year. less destructive decisions bc i have to convince ppl ive got my shit together#so ill get hired and also i dont wanna b an annoying bummer to exist around#still no joy for what i do tho. like i was working with a masters student last week and she was like oh yea it was fun#and im like *awkward pained smiled* bc it wasnt as bad as i thought but doing it for 2 weeks would kinda hurt s lot#so well see how much damage it does me#no joy. only tasks to do. things to accomplish. for what? why? who the fuck cares. not me#me. without feeling: it would b interesting to see if X and Y#interesting in a i don't gave a fuck sorta way. bleh. so bitter. burnout u never recover from#at least i feel better thsn i did in December. well see how long it takes to drive me under again.#its just weird to look back at the me of before who was excited abt things. i burned thr insides out of that person#but no tonight we r making better choices. no writing happening so we do something more fun#ugh. i just wanna think abt quantum l3ap. but no. other things to do. sigh... even in my fun time im not allowed too much fun :-(#unrelated
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i highly recommend rewatching old shows that you are fond of btw <3
#rewatching numb3rs its still good <3#im not the first person to say this but what did they put in this show to make it so good#i used to watch this show when i was stressed w school bc i hoped it would motivate me to be a good student like yeah learning is fun lmao#not sure it worked but its become a comfort show for me#very nostalgic to me idk and its just very pure i love all the characters i love character driven shows :)#also autistic king charlie eppes <3#this has been a shitpost#anyway im in nostalgic mode i have a list of shows i want to rewatch instead of starting new ones lol
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hello how are you doing !!!! i miss you like a friend i haven't talked to in a while. i hope you're doing good and work isn't too stressful, ik that work has been stressful for me bc i haven't had nearly enough hours to keep me afloat as well as i would like but I've been surviving. giving you a little pat on the head :) hope you're doing well dude!!! <3
hello! I've missed u to . im doing alright, kinda having the opposite work problem . im working so much and im doing like 3 peoples jobs for minimum wage 0_o making me exhausted . my mom gets out in 2 days and shess gonna lecture meeeee she has a if u dont like it hit da bricks mentality.
#i hope it gets less stressful for u ...#im very lucky to be able to live with my parents and not have to pay rent#but i do look at my paychecks in horror a lot bc i would not be able to survive on my own with them . minimum wage just isnt enough#its very scary#i want tobe able to move away to another state in the future but its so sad to realize i just cant right now . i would need so much support#that a normal person just doesn't have#partly bc i live in cali and its hell here but its also hell everywhere d#ANYWAY thats adult talk . on a fun note for my brothers bday we're driving down to Monterey bay to thr aquarium#and i am going to look at the jellyfish for as long as they will let mr#im very excited#asks#thorne tag
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everyday im like “wow i love school and i love learning i cant wait to eventually go to graduate school ugh i lvoe education” but then every day i am also like “being a student is a plauge on my life nd i hate it here and everyday i am miserable and i wish i could be doing literally anything else”
#.txt#me rn bc im doing homework nd im bored#its ASL hw#i enjoy asl a lot its very fun#but i am so bored w the homework#and my room is so dirty#nd the weather is beautiful outside#and id rather be outside walking or smth#i have work soon tho so i will go out side in a bit#but i didnt finish my hw b4 work so i am stressed#and its due at midnight tonight#ill do hw at work and hope for the best
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