#i hope he keels over in the next episode

[sawthoone]

[*insert sounds of arthur lester coughing up blood*] “he’s so me!”

[bi-bard]

Reckless - Tenth Doctor Imagine [Doctor Who]

Title: Reckless

Pairing: Tenth Doctor X Reader | Rose Tyler X Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 6,274 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: [Christmas Special (2005)] The Doctor's regeneration has left him unconscious for the unforeseeable future. Now, with an invasion on the horizon, (Y/n) is pushed onto the frontlines on their own for the first time.

Author's Note: I did a poll to decide what episode I should write about next and this episode won. I hope I've made you guys proud. If you have a doctor/series/episode you want to see in the future, just let me know.

Y'all. I need you to trust me here. I know what I'm doing.

MORE OF THIS OC HERE!

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It was as if there was no pause between the burst of regeneration energy and the Doctor's attempt to fly the TARDIS.

As if nothing had happened at all.

But it was clear that something had. Something fundamentally had changed about him. Some wires were still waiting to be properly connected. I could see it. It was in how he was stumbling and frantically glancing between things on the console. He wasn't ready. Not yet.

"Doctor, move," I said, stepping toward the console.

"I- I'm just trying to land," he replied, still scrambling.

"I know, but you are fresh off of a regeneration, this is-" my sentence was cut off by the TARDIS jerking to the side harshly. "Doctor, get away from the console, now!"

He stopped as soon as I raised my voice at him.

I moved around him, flipping a few switches to try to undo some of the chaos he had caused. I wasn't doing a great job, but I had most of it under control. There was one more crash before the machine finally stopped moving.

I ran over to Rose, who had fallen during the earlier chaos. "You alright?"

"What... What's happened to him," she asked quietly. "What's this regeneration thing?"

I watched the Doctor go stumbling out through the doors. "I... I'll explain in a bit. As soon as I know that he's not going to do something stupid."

I ran outside, making it through the door just as the Doctor fainted. I glanced between Jackie and Mickey. They both stared at me in shock. I knelt down, checking that he was alright.

"What happened," I looked up to see Rose in the doorway. "Is he alright?"

"Should be," I replied.

"He just keeled over," Mickey added. "Who is he? Where's the Doctor?"

"That's him," Rose explained. "That's the Doctor."

"What do you mean, that's the Doctor?" Jackie said.

"I'll explain in a bit, but can we first get him inside, please," I pleaded.

It took a bit of work, but we managed to get the Doctor upstairs and into bed. I don't know how they did it, but they managed to get him into a pair of pajamas while I was searching around the apartment for something that could help.

"I... I don't wanna know," I muttered when I walked into the room and saw him. "Do you have anything I can use?"

"Like what," Rose asked.

"Stuff to check vitals. Anything will be better than nothing."

Jackie let out a gasp. "I've got something. Be back in a tick!"

I barely had a chance to blink before she went running out of the room. I sat down next to the Doctor, letting out a small sigh as I looked at him.

"Are you going to explain what's going on now?" Rose muttered, leaning on the doorframe.

"He regenerated," I said. "It's a normal process for Time Lords. The body senses that it's near death and finds a way to fix itself. Losing consciousness like this isn't entirely normal. It happens sometimes. Usually, it means the whole process wasn't complete during the initial regeneration. His cells are still burning and regrowing. They're settling."

"But he'll be alright?" she replied.

"I hope so," I mumbled.

Jackie ran back in a few moments later, rambling about some neighbor of hers. She handed me a stethoscope. I placed the ends in my ears before pressing the flat piece to his torso, moving to check both hearts.

"I still think we should take him to a hospital," Jackie noted.

"We can't," Rose argued before I could. "They'd lock him up. Dissect him. One bottle of his blood could change the course of the human race."

"But-"

"You would trust human doctors with no experience of this situation while I am here and the only being alive that shares his anatomical makeup," I asked.

"I didn't-"

I shushed her, going back to listening to the Doctor's hearts. "Good. Both working fine. We'll just have to wait."

"Both?" Jackie replied.

"They've got two hearts," Rose explained. "Each."

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Anything else you lot have two of?"

"Ew," I murmured. "Come on. We need to let him rest. Finish the process."

Rose sighed, pausing a moment. "Could make tea?"

I chuckled. "Is that just a natural human response? Making tea when things are going wrong?"

"Mostly just the English," Jackie shrugged.

I nodded. "I see..."

I followed the two of them out of the room. As soon as they made it to the kitchen, Jackie seemed to be berating Rose with questions when she should have been asking me. Rose didn't know anything about this. She was already dealing with so many emotions. It wasn't fair.

"Stop it," I said firmly. "If you have questions, ask me. Don't torment her."

Jackie huffed. "I just want some answers."

"Rose isn't gonna have them," I replied. I looked at Rose, who looked back at me with tears in her eyes. "Hey..."

"I thought I knew him," she muttered. "I thought me and him were..."

The way her voice trailed off broke my hearts. I took a breath before speaking, "He may have changed, but his memories didn't. Who he cares for, what he believes in... they're built on more than his physical form. Those kinds of things are built on experiences. His favorite food might change, but not something as deep as his thoughts and feelings about you or me or anyone. He'll most likely still see you in the same way he did."

I was caught off guard by her hugging me tightly. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her, closing my eyes as she hid her face in my shoulder. There was a long silence as we sat in that hug.

She leaned back, wiping her eyes. She looked at her mother. "The big question is... where'd you get a pair of men's pajamas from?"

"Howard's been staying over," Jackie replied, turning back to the counter.

"What, Howard from the market?"

I chuckled a bit as I turned around. I had never known a race to spend as much time gossiping as humanity. In some strange way, I admired it.

I glanced at the TV in the main room. "Is that Harriet Jones?"

Rose followed me out of the kitchen when she heard me speak up. "Why is she on the telly?"

"She's Prime Minister now," Jackie explained. "I'm 18 quid a week better off."

"Britain's Golden Age," I said quietly. "This is it."

"That's what they've been calling it," Jackie shrugged. "I keep on saying my Rose has met her."

"Did more than that," Rose replied. "Stopped World War III with her."

I furrowed my eyebrows as the report carried on. "Space probe... humans... always reaching for more."

"I thought you'd be a fan of exploration."

"As long as it doesn't draw in any unwanted attention."

Rose and Mickey left later that evening. Something about Christmas shopping.

I split my time between checking on the Doctor and awkwardly trying to help Jackie while she rambled on the phone to a friend.

It all felt... slow. Time was something that I was used to being able to somewhat ignore. It wasn't an important factor to me. I could bend it to be as fast or slow as I wanted, but now... all I could do was wait. Sit and wait.

It was infuriating.

It was a little while later that Rose and Mickey barged in, yelling at Jackie to get off the phone. I furrowed my eyebrows at them.

"What's going on," I asked.

"It's not safe. Someone- something is after the Doctor," Rose explained quickly. "We've got to get out. Where can we go?"

"My mate Stan. He'll put us up," Mickey suggested.

"That's only two streets away" Rose replied. "What about Mo? Where's she living now?"

"I don't know, Peak District," Jackie answered.

"We'll go to cousin Mo's then," Rose replied.

"It's Christmas Eve, we're not going anywhere!" Jackie exclaimed. "What are you babbling on about?"

"Where'd you get that tree," Rose asked. "That's a new tree. Where'd you get it?"

"I thought it was you," Jackie said.

"You accepted a new tree when you didn't know who sent it?" I chimed in. She paused for a moment. "Get the Doctor to the TARDIS and we can go anywhere in time and space. Escaping to a different planet will be better than a different... district or whatever."

The lights started turning on. And then, the branches started spinning.

"Go, now!" I shoved them all out of the main room.

Rose sprinted into the Doctor's room. I followed her, shoving Mickey and Jackie in with me. The two of them shoved a dresser in front of the door while I started rummaging through the pocket of his leather jacket.

I let out a relieved breath when I found the sonic screwdriver.

It was perfect timing.

The robotic tree had broken through the door. The others had quickly backed away from the door.

I picked up my arm and pressed the button on the screwdriver. I shielded my face as the tree blew up.

"You guys alright," I said, scrambling to the other three.

They all nodded, each clearly still in shock about the entire event. I made it to the Doctor, checking his pulse to make sure that he wasn't somehow hurt during the whole event. He seemed fine... and then I saw a puff of regeneration energy escape from him.

"No," I muttered to myself. "No, no, no!"

"What is it," Rose asked.

I ran outside, stopping at the railing when I saw a collection of Santa-looking robots standing on the ground below us. Rose was right behind me, along with the other two.

"What are they?" she whispered to me.

I shushed her quietly before lifting my hand, pointing the sonic screwdriver at them. They seemed to recognize the situation they were in. They moved closer to each other and teleported away. Presumably back to their ship.

"They've just gone," Mickey said. "What kind of rubbish were they?"

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I mean, no offense, but they're not much cop if a sonic screwdriver scares them off."

"They're pilot fish," I replied. "They're being controlled by something else... someone else. Like the tree. Toy soldiers, robots."

"And that gold dust we saw?" Rose pushed.

"Regeneration energy," I explained. "I... I didn't think he was releasing it and now that I didn't see it, I don't know how long or how much he's expelled. Time Lords are powerful and there are creatures who know that."

"They can find him?"

"Pilot fish were what attacked you earlier, weren't they?"

She nodded.

"That's why. They found out where the energy was and knew that they needed to destroy his 'guardians' to get to him. Either use him or kill him or... just experiment on him. We walked away from something that we weren't meant to survive. There are a few species with a few questions."

"What do we do?"

"Nothing. You lot go inside. Protect yourselves. Watch telly, have tea, do whatever it is humans do in a crisis that they can't fix."

"What about you," Rose asked, going to grab my arm.

"I'm going to the TARDIS," I explained. "If there are pilot fish here, then there's something coming. Something strong. I need to figure out what it is."

"You're just gonna go running off?"

"If I need to, yeah."

"I'm not gonna let you do that!"

"It's not your choice!"

"And why is that?"

"Because I am not going to be the one to get you killed!"

She froze.

"Go inside. Take care of the Doctor. Let me handle this."

I turned and walked away before she could say anything else.

I made it to the TARDIS. I scrambled around the console. I found faint traces of the regeneration energy. Along with it was the signal from the new space probe that had been sent up earlier that night. I furrowed my eyebrows. That couldn't be right.

I watched the signal's trajectory. It had been lost at some point. It was around the same place that the regeneration energy seemed to disperse.

"Who is up there..."

I flicked a switch, tuning into the news about the space probe. I saw the head of the mission scrambling, trying to explain away the loss of contact.

"You are terrible at de-escalating," I muttered.

It was then that the signal was interrupted. Through the static came an image of four creatures. I leaned in a little bit closer. The creature suddenly growled at the screen and then the image was gone.

"Well... shit," I murmured, frantically reaching for a few more buttons.

It was a matter of minutes before Rose stormed through the door. "Did you see that?"

"Yes," I answered. "How's the Doctor?"

"Pale, sick."

"Oh...," I mumbled. "It's okay. He'll be okay."

Rose looked down for a moment. "What... What was that thing?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I didn't get a clear enough image. But... I know something. I was tracking the trace of regeneration energy that the Doctor has been emitting and it is going to the same place as the probe's signal is coming from."

"So... mars?"

"No," I shook my head. "The probe never made it that far. It's 5,000 miles above it. It's a spaceship. The probe is onboard and they're tracking the energy, coming this way. That puts the entire planet at risk."

"Can't we go stop them before they get here?"

"No. If they're looking for a Time Lord, then handing them a piece of Time Lord technology would be reckless at best."

"But if they get to the Doctor-"

"I won't let that happen!"

"Are you sure? Because you don't seem to be doing much to stop them!"

"Rose, they will kill you. They will kill me. They will kill the Doctor. We don't know what they want, so I'd like to not hand them one of the most sophisticated pieces of space and time travel equipment to ever exist!"

She huffed and turned around, going to storm out.

I closed my eyes and dug the heels of my palms against them.

I was just trying to protect her... protect everyone. I just... I didn't know how to do that on my own. I had become so accustomed to having someone to bounce my ideas off of. I was lost. Stuck. I didn't know what to do yet.

I had spent ages continuing to try to get some kind of answer when the screen turned to static again.

Those four aliens were there again. One of them started speaking again, but the TARDIS wasn't translating.

"Hey, hey," I said quietly. "I know that I'm not him, but I'm still Gallifreyan. I can still fly you. You can still work with me."

The video replayed. This time, the voices were translated. "People, you belong to us. To the Sycorax. We own you. We now possess your land, your minerals, your precious stones. You will surrender or they will die. Sycorax strong, Sycorax mighty, Sycorax rock!"

"'They'," I repeated the word to myself. "Who are you talking about?"

I tried to search for any sign of who they could be talking about.

It was hours before another message came through. One of the Sycorax stuck their hand out. A blue light emitted from it. The image disappeared after that.

"Nice to know that humanity wasn't slow to do something stupid," I muttered to myself. It was a harsh assumption, but it was a valid one.

I ran outside only to be met with a crowd of people walking by me. I furrowed my eyebrows as the blue light shined around their heads. I saw Rose up on the landing outside her door. We shared the same look with each other.

I followed her and Mickey to the roof of the building.

There was an entire fraction of the population standing on the edge. Each seemingly ready to jump. I stepped back, running my hands over my face.

"What is it? What's going on?" Rose said, grabbing my arm.

"I... I don't know," I mumbled. "It... I have an idea but... it can't be. I want to believe that the top minds in your country are not stupid enough to do something that would allow it."

"What is it?"

"Mickey, can you still get access to the military's files?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course, I can."

"I need you to get any information you can on that probe. Now. I can't work on it on my own."

"He left us," Rose muttered. "This is the time when we need him the most and he left us. He left... He left me."

"Rose, look at me," I grabbed her hands. "I have known the Doctor maybe as long as you have. I know one thing though... he is never going to abandon you. I promise."

"How do you know that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Mickey chimed in before the conversation could continue, "Come on!"

We ran back down the stairs to the ground level. As soon as we had made it outside, I turned to Mickey, "Go get your computer and then come straight back here. We'll work in the TARDIS. Rose, you're gonna go up and watch the Doctor. If something happens, then you call-"

My instructions were cut off by a loud boom. Any glass nearby had broken, shattering all over the ground near us. I covered my head and squatted down to cover myself, yelling for the others to get down as well.

"What the hell-"

"A spaceship just entered your atmosphere," I said as I scrambled to stand up. "Sonic wave."

"What do we do," Rose asked.

I looked up as the spaceship flew overhead. It stopped just above us. "Get the Doctor to the TARDIS. Now. It's the safest place for him now. I'm sorry that we didn't do it sooner, but we need to move."

I watched as the trio scrambled to get the Doctor and Jackie's supplies into the TARDIS. She ran out to get the rest of the food, even though I yelled at her not to go.

"What now?" Rose said.

"I... I'm not sure," I replied. "I'm... I'm not usually the only one coming up with ideas at this point."

"But you're clever. I've seen you; you are clever. You... You were said you were trained for wartime."

"A war. I was trained for a war on one planet with different conditions and tools and-"

"And they never taught you to adapt? To do... I don't know... peace talks and things?"

I paused for a moment. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

I leaned forward and flicked a switch.

"What was that?"

"I let out a signal. There's no way the TARDIS would be able to land on the ship, but I could get them to teleport the TARDIS onto the ship."

"You're gonna talk to them."

I nodded. "I'm gonna try... see if that theory of mine was correct."

I took a deep breath, going to walk toward the doors. I rolled my shoulders back and tilted my chin up a bit. I pulled the door open, letting out a sigh of relief when I found myself on the spaceship.

Harriet Jones was standing there with her assistant.

"Harriet Jones," I said, a grin forming. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

"I could say the same to you," she muttered, hugging me. "Is the Doctor with you?"

"Not exactly," I replied as I stepped back. "But if you trust me, I can handle this."

I stepped ahead of the group, facing the Sycorax leader as bravely as I could.

"You. You have the clever box," the presumed leader spoke up.

Harriet's assistant tried to translate for me, but I stopped him. "I can understand him."

"How," Rose asked.

"TARDIS has a stronger psychic connection with the Doctor but I am still the same species as him. I may not be able to expand its reach like he seemingly can, but I don't need him to be able to use the translation."

"Silence!" the Sycorax shouted.

"Alright," I muttered.

"You speak for this planet!"

"Yes."

"You will understand my wishes."

"Surrender, correct?" I replied. "Basic signs of obedience in your eyes. Harriet, what did he ask for? Some of the population?"

"Half," she answered.

"Half to be used for their own benefit," I turned back to the Sycorax. "Half to be used as slaves in exchange for letting a third live."

"Correct," the Sycorax said.

"Why Earth?"

There was a silence.

"There are millions of planets that are far more advanced. That," I pointed at the TARDIS, "isn't human technology. There are other planets more beneficial to you, if you're looking for resources. And many are ready for the taking. These people are barely scratching the surface of space exploration and you're exploiting it. There's a whole planet renowned for being quick to surrender, why not go there?"

"We want the Earth," the leader said.

"But why," I pushed. "Why can't you just leave these people alone?"

He didn't respond.

"And then there's the third of the population," I continued, going to step around him. "I have a theory of course, but... oooooh, great."

I ran up the steps.

"Look at that! A big red button! Control matrix. Tell me, if I look under here, will I find a little bowl of blood?"

"Step away from that!"

"Alright," I held my hands up before leaning down, going to open the center console.

"That was English," Rose said.

"Well, yes, Rose, I speak English," I replied, still looking at the control matrix. I dipped my finger into the small bowl. "A+!"

"No, the Sycorax spoke English. I understood him," Rose explained.

I stood up, turning to look at her. "What?"

"He... He told you to step away from the controls, right? I understood him!"

"That means the TARDIS is translating for you again," I took a few steps closer.

The TARDIS doors behind them creaked open, revealing the Doctor in his pajamas and a robe.

"Took your sweet time, didn't you?" I crossed my arms.

"Could say the same to you," he shrugged as he stepped out.

The Sycorax tried to attack him, but it didn't work out well. Instead, the Doctor grabbed the weapons that the creature had and simply tossed them away. Being fresh off regeneration energy either made him stronger or dumber, I wasn't certain which one yet.

"Now, give me a moment. I am busy," he said to the leader before turning to the group of four that was now behind him. "Mickey! Hello!"

That was the happiest he had ever been to see Mickey.

"And Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. Blimey, it's like This is Your Life."

"Harriet Jones, Prime Minister," I corrected.

"I see," he grinned. "Tea! That's all I needed. A good cup of tea."

I almost chuckled at the idea.

If there was one thing about the Doctor that didn't change at all, it was his ability to talk. He ranted and rambled and jumped between different tones of voice. He talked about little he knew about himself now. He was a clean slate with nothing known yet.

I had regenerated before, but I had never thought about the process before. Truly, I never had the time. I was kind of thrown from one thing to the other. Getting confused after regenerating never made it onto my schedule.

"Doctor," I called from the steps.

"Yeah?" he turned to me. "Oh, I interrupted you. Go on. Bet you were doing brilliantly."

"Oh, you didn't interrupt at all," I shook my head. "It's just that, well, if I were to find a big red button, then I would know better than to press it. However, a Time Lord fresh off a regeneration may not be so rational... considering he's figuring himself out and everything."

"You're right," he replied. "Does the very rational one happen to know what the button does?"

"It's operating a blood control system."

"No!" he exclaimed excitedly, running over to me. "I haven't seen blood control in years."

"I've only read about it. Similar to hypnosis, yeah?"

"Exactly," he nodded. "When'd you work that out?"

"It was a running theory when I saw everyone on the roof. If they could control any chunk of the population, then why would they not make it half alive for a half enslaved? Why only a third?"

"Oh, you are so clever."

"I know," I shrugged. "So... what do you think?"

"Well, here's the danger with a freshly regenerated Time Lord," the Doctor looked at the Sycorax. "I truly don't know who I am. So... if I see a great big threatening button which should never, ever, ever be pressed, then I just wanna do this."

The Doctor slammed his hand down on the button.

I heard the others yelling at him.

"You killed them!" Harriet's assistant said.

I turned to the leader of the Sycorax. "Are they dead?"

"We allow them to live," he grumbled.

"Oh, please," I rolled my eyes. "He couldn't kill them. He had no choice. When I said blood control was like hypnosis, I was being honest. You can't hypnotize someone into doing something that they'd never do such as kill themselves. Humans operate on an evolutionary basis that forces them to protect their genes, so the fight-or-flight system kicks in."

"Everyone's okay," Rose asked.

"Everyone's okay," I nodded.

"Blood control was one form of conquest," the leader spoke up. "I can summon the armada and take this planet by force."

"Which brings me to my question again, why? Can't you just leave them alone?"

"Or what?"

"Or... I'll stop you."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

I looked at one of the soldiers next to me before rushing over and grabbing the sword on his waist.

I stepped back, getting away from the crowd.

I poised the sword out toward the leader. "I challenge you."

"(Y/n)," the Doctor scolded. The Sycorax laughed loudly as he stormed over to me. "This is incredibly stupid. Reckless."

"No, it's not," I replied. "This is what I was trained for. I existed before you met me, Doctor. You need to remember that."

He stepped away from me slowly.

"You're just gonna let (Y/n) do this?" I heard Rose mutter.

"I can't stop them," the Doctor replied.

I looked at the leader of the Sycorax again.

"Am I right that the sanctified rules of combat still apply," I asked.

The leader unsheathed a sword of his own. "You stand as this world's champion?"

"Proudly. Do you accept my challenge?"

The crowd roared around us.

We both took a knee, swords next to us.

"For the planet?" the leader tilted his head slightly as he spoke. He was taunting me.

"For the planet," I confirmed.

We stood up.

I could barely remember who actually took the first swing.

I was beginning to realize that I hadn't been in a fight so similar to what I had originally been training for.

I could just remember the technology, the instructions, the fake wounds. It was as if with every swing, my blood started boiling more and more. I hadn't felt like this in a long time.

I could remember the days when I felt that every day.

Fake Daleks, fake Cybermen, fake monsters, fake gods. I could see them all so vividly. In between the visions were the familiar flipping of pages and frantic searching and reading. The tests and quizzes and practices.

Oh, I was furious. It was making me sloppy.

I ran onto the outside platform of the ship as I found myself getting angrier and angrier.

I needed to be able to focus on one target. I needed to bring myself back to the current moment. To recognize that this was not fake. That this was not every evil being that I had been forced to face, but was one being. One thing that wanted to have more power than he deserved.

I also needed to get out of the crowd as soon as I could. That crowd could turn on me the moment I won. My victory could last a matter of moments before they turned on me entirely.

I learned how much the leader of the Sycorax valued straightforward aggression. He wanted the anger. The yelling and wild thrashing that seemed more calculated than they were.

I had learned long ago how to adapt to someone like that.

This means that despite any scratches and bruises, I was more in control than he thought.

So, when I squatted down and swung my leg so I could knock him off his feet, he was the only one surprised.

I stood above him, only leaning down to throw his sword as far away as I could. I pressed the tip of my blade to his throat. His head was hanging off the platform. I could have turned him into an example for the entire human race and Sycorax alike.

"I win," I said.

"Then, kill me," the leader's words were hoarse.

"I was raised as a weapon," I explained. "I was created to fight. To stop any threat that could have come my way. But mercy... I had to learn that. And it took me so long to perfect."

I pushed a little harder.

"So do not take it for granted when I offer it to you now," I warned. "I will spare your life as long as you listen to this command. Leave this planet and never return. Is that understood?"

"Yes."

"Swear on the blood of your species."

"I swear."

"Good."

I stepped back, pulling the blade away from the leader's neck.

I turned around to see the Doctor walking over to me already. I let him pull me into a tight hug, making sure to keep the blade away from either of our bodies.

Rose ran out just behind him. I smiled widely as I went to hug her.

"I told you that you could do this," she muttered to me. "I told you that you were clever."

"Thank you," I mumbled back.

She stepped back.

"We should go. Now."

The Doctor smiled for a moment. "Sounds like- (Y/n), look out-"

I turned around. The leader came running at me, shouting as he went to attack me. I slammed my blade through his torso. I pulled the blade up and twisted it slightly.

"I warned you," I murmured to him before shoving him down. I dragged the blade out of him. "I... I tried to warn you."

"Hey," Rose touched my back. "Come on. It's done. It's over."

"No. Not yet."

I stormed into the main hall, staring up at the collection of Sycorax. I slammed the sword into the ground.

"I am this planet's champion, and you will heed my command. You are to leave this planet and never return for the rest of time. And I would advise you to take this battle as a warning. A warning that you will spread among the stars. As you speak of Earth and its people and all that it could offer, ensure that you tell them all that this planet is- and always will be- protected."

The Sycorax's teleport sent us all back to the surface after that.

I watched in silence as the ship began to fly away. I let out a shaky breath as tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

"(Y/n)," I turned to the Doctor.

"I killed someone," I murmured. "Directly, I mean. I... I wasn't just there. It wasn't some misguided attempt to save him. I killed him-"

He shushed me as he pulled me into a hug. "I want you to listen."

I closed my eyes, listening to the rumbling of the above spaceship. The sound of Rose and Mickey cheering cut through. Sharp and deafening in the best way. I heard Jackie's voice join them. Thankful and caring and proud.

"I hear hope... joy. I hear the cheers of the very people you just saved. Now, imagine that sound echoing all over the world. All of them. Safe because of you."

He stepped back, holding my upper arms.

"I'd say that's an alright balance, wouldn't you?"

I felt my lips tugging up as I thought about it. Yeah, maybe-

Any hope I had was shattered with the sound of an explosion. It silenced any cheering. Any joy. It was loud, violent, terrifying.

I looked over at Harriet. She stood there with a sullen expression painted on her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you," I asked. "They were leaving!"

"You said it yourself," she replied. "They go out and tell the rest of the universe about us. What happens when you and the Doctor aren't here? When another race decides that they want Earth?"

"You think that you're so important that it justifies murder-"

"Yours was?"

"I never wanted to do that! I wanted to show mercy! I wanted them to have the chance to make the right choice! Do not use me as an example to justify your monstrous behavior!"

She had no response to that.

"I shouldn't have just said to leave. I should have told them to run. Run as fast as you can because here comes humanity, the true monsters! The species ready to destroy anything different than themselves!"

I was almost screeching by the end of it. I felt the Doctor move his arm in front of me. I must have moved forward without thinking much of it.

I stepped away, turning to the others. Rose hugged me, muttering how sorry she was.

"I should have stopped you," the Doctor said.

"What does that make you, Doctor? Both of you? Another alien threat?"

"Don't challenge me, Harriet Jones, 'cause I'm a completely new man," he pushed. I stepped away from Rose, turning back to Harriet. "I could bring down your government with a single word."

"You're the most remarkable man I've ever met, but even you aren't capable of that."

"No, you're right," the Doctor replied. "Not a single word. Just six."

"I don't think so."

"Six words."

"Stop it!"

"Six."

He stepped around her. He walked to her assistant, muttering something into his ear. He came back to us.

"You go back with these three. I'll meet you there," he explained to me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "I can't very well keep walking around in pajamas and a robe."

"Fair," I chuckled. "See you in a bit."

"You too."

I followed Rose, Mickey, and Jackie back to the apartment.

They forced me to go sit down while they got dinner together, only letting me join them when the table was set.

"I could've helped," I said when I sat down.

"Well, we couldn't let the planet's champion make their own meal," Mickey replied. "Now, eat."

I chuckled and shook my head.

The door opened a few moments later. I turned to look at the Doctor. He was wearing a suit now. Dark brown with a light button-up and a tie. He had a long trench coat on now. He grinned at us before coming to sit at the end of the table.

I found myself faced with Rose holding out some roll of something. It was wrapped in green foil with gold and red details. I furrowed my eyebrows at it.

"Grab that end," Rose instructed. "It's a Christmas cracker. This is a very human thing. Like the tea."

I was hesitant but listened to her anyway.

"On three, pull toward you," she continued. "1... 2... 3!"

I tugged the roll toward myself. I flinched a bit as it popped. I found myself with most of the roll in my hand. I moved it, looking inside.

I found a crown made of tissue paper. It was yellow. Bright yellow.

"Put it on!" Rose pushed.

"Okay, okay," I replied. I placed the crown on my head, struggling to get it to stay in place. The Doctor reached over and fixed it for me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he muttered.

Rose pointed at the TV. "It's Harriet Jones."

She was rambling, trying to defend staying in office. I looked at the Doctor. He gave me a look that simply said 'don't ask'. I turned back to the screen.

That was until Jackie pushed us all outside.

I almost froze in the door at the sight of what seemed to be snow. It was as I stepped on it that I realized that it wasn't. It was ash. Leftover ash from the spaceship still burning up.

I closed my eyes for a moment before looking around me. I saw people. Couples and kids and whole families running around in it. They were laughing. Cheering. Spinning and celebrating.

There it was again.

That sense of hope.

That very small shred of it that made me feel like I needed to hold onto it as tightly as I could.

"(Y/n)," I turned to the Doctor. He was standing next to Rose, holding hands with her as they both looked at me. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Absolutely."

He grinned before going to open the door.

I let out a small sigh as I followed them both inside.

One shred.

That was all I needed.

Or... all that I was going to have... for now.

If I wanted more, I had to go find it.

And yeah, I was absolutely ready to do that.

---------------------

Author's Note: I would like to take a moment to thank everyone for reading and accepting this OC. I know I play around with canon and I promise it is only going to become more evident as we go on. I have this OC planned out through Flux, just to give you an idea of how committed I am to this OC and their story. They have been through many of iterations before this one and I am so happy that this is the version that resonated with people. Thank you for your time and care. I promise that it is recognized and appreciated. I'll see you all soon!

---------------------

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[earthmoonz]

WIFEY. | EPISODE TEN (10.0) [ACT ONE]

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a/n: welcome to the part 1 finale of wifey! I’m so glad you’re here! there’s so much to share in this chapter and I needed to close out this section of the story on a round number so i’m going to split it into acts! hope you enjoy ❤️

When Luis was young, his father seemed gigantic to him. He was broad shouldered, statuesque and seemed to absorb every space he was in. At the time, Winston often assured his son that one day, he too would get his 6 '4 height but instead he grew to an unremarkable 5' 10. It was as though the universe was forcing him to know his place, like the firmness of his father’s hand wasn’t enough. Years later, when Winston keeled over on a cliffside in Selvadorada, Luis finally saw his father for who he was. Not a giant, but a man. One so deeply afraid of what he might lose, that he could never fully accept what he had gained. It was down to Luis to play his father’s role, and keep his family from disintegration. But though he knew the lines, his performance always fell short. The costume was ill fitting and the ghost of his father loomed in every corner, casting a large shadow over his first and only son.  It was almost predictable then, when in the quiet of late night drives or the still dark of his bedroom before sleep, images of a life beyond his current circumstance started to flash through his mind. What was surprising, is that in a rare act of benevolence, the universe appeared to gift it to him.

(transcript below)

[NINE MONTHS EARLIER]

(LUIS): Why come to me?

(ROY): Enemy of my enemy. God saw fit to deal with your father. It’s up to me to handle the rest.

(LUIS): I see…and you’re sure this will work?

(ROY): I’m certain. You help me, I help you. We both get what we want.

(LUIS): Alright…I’m in.

[SEVEN MONTHS EARLIER]

(LOURDES): Have you lost your entire mind?!

(LUIS): Lourdes-

(LOURDES): Dad hasn’t even been dead a year and now you want to break Mami’s heart all over again? You want me to lie to my only sister?

(LUIS): Lourdes please. What I’m doing will save our family. It will make us better!

(LOURDES): You don’t know that! I feel like you’re not telling me the whole story. I don’t get why we just can’t go to Lena and Mami-

(LUIS): Because they won’t understand! Do you honestly think I’d ask you to help me if I wasn’t desperate? You’re the only person I trust in this world! I need you by my side on this. And you’re right, I’m not telling you everything, but it’s because you don’t need to know. You have to let me protect you, just like I'm trying to protect Mami…[off Lourdes’ look] and Lena too.

(LOURDES): …Okay. …I’m with you.

[utilitycaster]

Fighter Breakdown Tracker, episode 3x78

Welcome to what was originally an opportunity to talk about the myriad wizards (not Myriad wizards, a separate concept) of Campaign 2 that occasionally gets co-opted into other things when the thought arises. Anyway, obviously the main event was the Barbarian Breakdown and, relatedly, the Party Breakdown, due to their Communication Breakdown, giving Allura Vysoren specifically her 19th Nervous Breakdown, but I've already talked a lot about Ashton. How are the fighters doing?

As a reminder: characters are included on the basis of 1. are they a fighter, 2. are they remotely relevant to this campaign, and 3. do I have something funny to say about them. I cannot stress enough how important item 3 is in the decision process; do not make requests, my muse speaks to me and that is how the characters (and, to be honest, classes) are chosen.

Cassandra de Rolo: Yes! According to the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting (not reborn) she's multiclassed into fighter! Anyway that plan to go to the ziggurat went well, huh? totally normal and great. I like to think that due to her rogue levels she saw Fearne march down the ziggurat steps and just peaced out and has been chilling in Pike's little cabin ever since. 4/10: normal "is the world ending" concerns but otherwise she's having maybe the best day anyone on the Whitestone War Council can.

Jarett Howarth: he's specifically avoiding Bells Hells because motherfuckers keep teleporting from Marquet and not bringing any fusaka. This, plus normal "putting the Pale Guard on a war footing and also there's a really mad goat lady in the garden" bumps him up to a 6/10.

Orym: my serious thoughts about the space made for Chetney, FCG, and Imogen to step up aside I honestly think the semi-joking narrative of Orym going off in a huff and working out his feelings quite literally via the power of elaborate bodyweight calisthenics of the sort that grant you 20 Dex and 10 Str would be good for him. Allow yourself a little pettiness, Orym; it's good for the soul. 5/10 because I don't fucking know; we'll see next game.

Ariks Eshteross: I hope he's at peace and buried next to his love as requested; I still haven't gotten around to making those cookies actually and frankly I've had much more of an eye on the gunpowder tea shortbread. 0/10; I like to think he has found true rest.

Bertrand Bell: These motherfuckers have not visited the grave of their namesake at ALL. Traipsing around the Raven Queen's temple - literally everyone but Laudna and FCG has wandered over to that corner of the city - and NO ONE has taken a moment to pause and reflect. He died as he lived: everyone kind of setting him aside for more important matters except for followers of the Raven Queen. 8/10 because hopefully he was entertained by the raven show that got put on but also, come on man you couldn't stop by at all?

FRIDA: I have to imagine things in Vasselheim are wild and it's going to be missing FCG hours, but at least they're in great company! 5/10; they're a pretty even-keeled robot all things considered but the situation is pretty tense.

Otohan Thull: My sole regret about how great this episode is and the fact that we're dropping into the Fey Realm for a bit to have some much-needed time to regroup is that we are likely delaying their richly deserved demise. Anyway everyone's beloathed Palpatine knockoff is unfortunately super unflappable; another reason why they are boring as shit and why I very much want Bells Hells to make the bridge a little bit bloodier on the way up. 3/10.

Percival Friedrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III: Here's the thing. All things considered, his personal position is stressful, but not terrible. The ziggurat did not blow up; Gwen appears to either have not told him about her Delilah incident or did so in such a way that he didn't realize what was going on; he doesn't seem to have noticed the break-in into his parents' bedroom yet; Allura was reassuring re: Whitestone likely being safe (although...it's on a ley nexus so watch out!); and he got to deliver the line "ever since I met you, I knew you were destined for stupidity" which is actually how he specifically blows off steam. On the other hand, every single window in the castle has been destroyed, Allura had to leave, and I just checked and confirmed that Pike does not have the mending cantrip. Maybe one of the local clerics does? Maybe one of his kids does? Maybe Vilya or Ebenold does? Maybe Grog's in town and can be convinced that the role of the Grand Poobah etc etc is fixing windows? 6/10.

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Discernment of Heaven and Earth - 11

(Unproofread )

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[About an hour later. In one of the countless chain restaurants across Japan.]

Ieyasu: ……

Hideyoshi: ……

Nobunaga: ……

Ieyasu: …… Will someone, anyone, please say something? The atmosphere is too heavy for my old bones to bear.

Nobunaga: In that case, it’d be best if your body and mind snapped from the weight, you keeled over, and died.

Hideyoshi: Yikes, how horrible! What a terrible thing to say to your mentor! Hey hey, did anyone else catch that? This woman is like, heartless for being able to say such cruel things without batting an eye, right?!

Nobunaga: He’s not my mentor. He’s your mentor, you womanizer.

Nobunaga: If you’re dying to be the teacher’s pet, why don’t you do your mentor a favor and try to lighten the mood a little?

Hideyoshi: I mean like, what do you want me to do? We’ve got ‘The Av*ngers after completing their first mission together’ energy going on here. Not even I can save this, and I’ve got nothing to say to you guys right now anyways.

Nobunaga: Well, I feel the same.

Nobunaga: I had hoped to never meet either of you again, preferably for the rest of my life.

Ieyasu: Actually, why are we gathered together here? “We’re going to make a prototype for ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, so we’d like you to remain on standby”— That’s what we were told.

Ieyasu: But in older episodes of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, we historians would bring the cameras into our homes and labs and would show off our expertise on the spot.

Ieyasu: I assumed that that was what was happening in this instance as well… But if that was the case, why have we been forced to wait around in a restaurant like this?

Ieyasu: It’s going to be rather difficult to engage in formal historical discussion in such a noisy environment.

Nobunaga: Does that mean that we aren’t here for a formal discussion?

Nobunaga: I think I’m starting to see the full picture. Since I only supervised the costumes and such, I’m not too aware of what the story element introduced in ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ is about—

Nobunaga: Though I can make a guess based on their costumes. I can figure out what those kids are aiming for from there.

Nobunaga: They think of some pretty interesting things, don’t they? It’s nice, young kids think so freely.

Hideyoshi: It was me. I was the one who proposed the basic idea. It was me.

Nobunaga: The kids were the ones who actually developed the idea from there. Don’t try and take credit for everything, it’s pathetic.

Hideyoshi: Yup. I just helped out a teensy bit.

Hideyoshi: The greatest contributors to the ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ show were—

Keito: — Excuse me.

Kuro: Yeah, sorry for botherin’ ya, senseis.

Souma: Good day to you, those of the ‘Three Sages.’ ♪

Ieyasu: Oh, it’s Kuro-kun. What is the idea here?

Ieyasu: I’m quite confused. Could you please elaborate?

Kuro: Haha. I’m sure the people that were involved in historical events back then felt and thought just like this. 

Ieyasu: ……?

Keito: Ieyasu-sensei. I apologize for informing you so late. For the prototype edition of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth R’, formerly known as ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’—

Keito: We’ve decided to cover ‘The History of Rumbling Heaven and Earth.’

Ieyasu: ? What do you mean by the history of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’? ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ is a show about history, but what sort of history would it have……?

Keito: I’ll explain properly, in detail.

Keito: We of AKATSUKI were given the task of rebuilding a show on the verge of death, called ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth.’

Keito: In order to fulfill the conditions laid out for this task, we had to interact with members of the ‘Three Sages.’

Ieyasu: ……

Keito: And as each of us came into contact with the sages, we got to know their extremely unique characters—

Keito: We began to love you¹, and at the same time, we began to learn of the passion you had for ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth.’

Nobunaga: I don’t feel anything in particular towards you, though.

Hideyoshi: Don’t butt in. That’s a bad habit you’ve got, Miss Nobunaga. …… So?

Keito: So we wanted to share the fun experiences we had with everyone.

Keito: There once was a show called ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, that would have you enthralled to death. Due to the support of some incredibly fascinating and unique historians, it was loved for many, many years.

Keito: But in the present day, young people like us have no clue something interesting like that even exists.

Keito: Only a few enthusiasts know about it, and those who don’t know write it off, concluding that it’s “probably some old and complicated history show.”

Keito: We want to change this.

Keito: No, we will change it.

Keito: It’s the work we’ve been entrusted with, and it’s what we want to do.

Ieyasu: Being grandiose is all well and good, but it’s easy to just run your mouth— What are the specifics?

Keito: In ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth R’, we travel through various eras to experience historical events in person, as ‘Spirits of Light.’

Keito: In this edition, we’ll be traveling back to the time when you first created ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, Ieyasu-sensei.

Ieyasu: …… What’s a ‘Spirit of Light’?

Hideyoshi: He’s not gonna understand if you start sprinkling in that kind of SF speak ‘cuz he’s an old geezer.

Nobunaga: Calling it ‘SF’ is old-fashioned too. You’re not getting any younger either, you womanizer.

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Translation Notes:

Instead of his usual condescending 2nd person pronoun, Keito uses the much more affection あなた.

[tellerluna-stories]

episode 07: away from home and back again

CONTENTS: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. m.list!

TW/CW: none!

A/N: annnd welcome to the final chapter, dear readers! thank you for following this storyline to the very end :''))) I'm happy you all enjoyed thoma and mc's shenanigans, and i hope that you keep the message of this story close to your hearts <;33

Your legs flew faster than light, carrying you across the field in a flash. People stopped and stared as you rushed past, but what were they gonna do, stop you?

You ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. 

(Meanwhile, you were only one millimetre away from having a complete meltdown over… whatever had just happened. Listen, it wasn’t your fault that you had zero knowledge about how to deal with this!)

The only time you slowed down was to briefly scratch Taroumarou behind the ears, for he had been waiting outside of the gate. Hey, you still had your priorities, even when you were supposed to be running away from all of your problems.

But no matter how fast you ran, your racing thoughts swiftly caught up to you— you could no longer tell if your heart was pounding because of the complete overload of cardio or if it was thanks to Thoma and his way of words. Perhaps it was both.

‘As more than friends, in fact.’

Gritting your teeth, you ran even faster, no longer caring about where you were headed. Anywhere would do just as long as you could ignore how your heart threatened to burst out of your chest to take flight, or those ridiculously impractical butterflies that swarmed in your chest cavity like a swarm of hopeful pests. Really, just what were you they hoping for?

You slowed to a stop, the dead leaves crunching under your feet.

There you went again, running away from Thoma. Why did you always run from him? Why were you so afraid of him, of allowing him to treat you gently and cherish you so?

Overhead the branches rustled, sending scattered shafts of sunlight and falling leaves tumbling down from above— in contrast to your muddled state of mind, the world around you was serenely peaceful. And to top it all off, your legs had brought you to the crosswalk where you and Thoma had apparently first met. Talk about the irony.

“Unfair.” Crouching down next to a nearby lampost, you buried your burning face into your knees. “…So unfair.” 

When you had promised yourself to support Thoma’s decision no matter what, you had not anticipated this. Everything was wrong, wrong, wrong— your armour of rationality was long-lost, leaving you to face your raw emotions alone and defenseless. The only sliver of comfort you could find was in the fact that there would be no cars using this road today, because the last thing you wanted was for the whole world to see you curled up like a disgruntled millipede beside the road.

The butterflies swarmed in your chest again, fluttering with the promise of hope; somehow you’d achieved the impossible and actually won the fifty-fifty percent chance of having your feelings returned. For some inexplicable reason, you… actually had a shot. At something. 

“It was so much easier to think rationally when I wasn’t the one going through it,�� you complained to the sky. “Can I take back all of my previous complaints, please?”

The sky remained helpfully quiet— well, you supposed that that was what you got for asking for change without even considering whether or not you were prepared for it. However, it did not make the situation any less frustrating.

“I never even expected to get this far! Now what am I supposed to do?!”

Woof!

“Taroumarou, wait for me!”

Your head snapped to the direction where that all-too-familiar voice came from— oh, you just couldn’t catch a break, could you?

Briefly you contemplated your options; the first one was to continue running away. And the second was to actually face your problems like an adult.

(Just kidding! You only technically had one option, because if you ran any more you were pretty sure you would keel over and die from overexercising. Shame on you for not giving your all in P.E. class.)

“Taroumarou…” The footsteps slowed to a stop, that voice of honey-sunshine trailing off into silence. You didn’t need to see him to know what was going on.

Taking a shaky breath, you silently accepted your fate; just like that, Thoma had found you once again. 

You whirled around to meet a masterpiece straight out of the Romantic period– a work of art with golden hair gently tousled by the wind, his emerald eyes brimming with surprise. Faintly-flushed lips that had just barely managed to form your name before trailing off into reverent silence, and a school uniform in colours that matched your own.

(Somehow, the picture before you gave you a sense of deja vu.)

“I, uh– hi.”

“Hey.”

You both stood there awkwardly for a minute or two; the silence was so thick that you could’ve heard a pin drop.

(Well, except for the faint sound of whining that could be heard from behind Thoma– most likely the sound of judgement from the Boss Dog. Sorry, Taroumarou!)

“If it’s about what you overheard me say earlier, I…” He swallowed thickly, averting his eyes. “Well, it’s uh- that’s definitely not how I wanted to tell you. But if you’re uncomfortable with it—”

“No!” Your voice comes out louder than you anticipated. “I mean– no. It just…”

Oh, nothing. Just that you found out that all your unrequited pining wasn’t so unrequited after all. You, the former matchmaker who knew how to counsel any sort of relationship except your own and now had absolutely zero knowledge of how anything worked anymore because according to your predictions for yourself, something like this was statistically impossible to happen and now all of your calculations were now aflame and burning to ashes thanks to one singular puppy-boy—

Something cold and wet rolled down your face, the salty taste lingering on your tongue; with horror, you realised that you were crying. 

“Wh–” You swiped at your face hastily, trying to catch the falling tears before you embarrassed yourself any more than you already did. “Please don't misunderstand! I’m not mad at you or anything!”

“Then what’s going on with you?” Thoma pleaded. “Just tell me what’s wrong, please.”

“I…” Your voice cracked, the tears not stopping even when you willed them out of existence. Stupid tear ducts. 

The look in his eyes was so simple, so honest that it made you want to crumble right into his hands, and you hated it. Every cell in your body yearned to finally yield to what you'd been keeping under lock and key for so long— speak up, you coward! Running away will only hurt him!

“Since when?” 

He swallowed hard. “I’m not really sure, but I think… since the beginning.”

“What?” You nearly choked on the air mid-sniffle, which was not an ideal situation to find out exactly when your long-time crush had been reciprocating your feelings. “Like, when we bumped into each other in front of the classroom?”

“No, here.” Thoma chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Since… ever since we met here. I didn’t realise it back then, but…”

He trailed off in silence, the rosy flush of his face speaking for him. 

If you were going to be completely honest, you gaped at him like an idiot. This guy had had a crush on you ever since he first met you – an event that you barely remembered – and he… he…

You needed to clear your head and be sincere, or else you’d really lose your mind.

“...If I'm gonna be honest, Thoma…” You say softly, every ounce of honesty pouring into your words. “I'm terrified.”

No words could describe how afraid you were; you, who no longer had any more armour or defenses to put up. Like a reckless, well-meaning dog in a china shop, all of those had been destroyed by the gentle heart of the young man before you, leaving you in complete surrender. And no words would ever capture the absolute joy running through your veins when he chose to be with you over anyone else, when he chose to care for you even when he didn't have to.

…Which was really frustrating, considering that now you actually wanted to verbalise your feelings. Just where did your gift of speech go when you needed it most?

 “I’m… really not the best with words. Or feelings. Or—”

“Hey.” Thoma interrupts you mid-sentence, raising his eyebrows in his signature ‘don't you dare start self-deprecating’ expression.

“Right. Sorry.” You cleared your throat. “I don't— I'm just…”

“... It's okay, you know.” 

His eyes softened, that bittersweet smile spreading across his face like sickness. “Like I said, I didn't want you to find out that way because I didn't want you to be pressured. You don't have to be considerate of me.”

Eh…?

Your eyes widened— what was he saying? 

“Once again, I'm sorry for tangling you up in all this,” His words sounded distant and murky, reverberating through the thick fog of your clouded mind. “Please forget about anything I said—”

Horror and panic flooded your entire mind as you realised what he was saying; no, no, no, no, wait that wasn't what you were supposed to tell him wait wait wait—!

“I don't want to!” You practically shouted at the top of your lungs and buried your face in your hands miserably, crouching down once more in dead millipede position as you cursed your terrible communication skills– why, why, why did you have to be so bad at this?! “I like you too, for crying out loud!”

Absolute silence. 

“...Thoma?”

He didn’t reply.

Several minutes passed, and still no response; you mustered your courage to peep through your fingers and nearly choked on your spit. You really, really didn’t want to laugh in this scenario, but… Thoma looked like he had just gotten hit with a shovel.

Taroumarou silently padded towards Thoma and gently tugged on his pant leg, but the puppy-boy remained unmoving. No amount of tugging or nipping would budge the golden statue no matter how hard the Boss Dog tried– but from the way he seemed too familiar with the procedure, you got a feeling that this wasn’t the first time that Taroumarou had to deal with this.

Finally, Taroumarou gave a resigned whimper and raised one of his hind legs– your eyes widened in horror as you realised what he was about to do.

“Taroumarou, don’t!”

Thoma nearly jumped a foot in the air at the sound of your voice, snapping out of his daze at a most admirable speed; the Boss Dog retreated hastily, giving a reproachful sneeze as he skittered back to a safe distance. The miserable expression on his face had you silently apologising to Taroumarou for what must’ve been the hundredth time that day. 

“Um.” Thoma blinked owlishly, a confused (and hopelessly adorable) expression on his face. “I- I didn’t mishear you, right? You said that…”

“...Yeah. I did.”

“Oh.” His eyes somehow widened even further. “Oh.”

“I- look.” You began, ruffling your hair in frustration. “I can’t word it properly, so I’ll be borrowing some of your words here. Do you remember the last time we were here and I asked you what it meant to be in- in…” 

‘Thoma, what does falling in love feel like?’

Your spit caught itself in your throat again, nearly choking you to death from the power of sheer embarrassment. What had you been thinking?!

“In…” Thoma’s voice trailed off, a rosy flush gracing his cheeks– why was he the one blushing like a young maiden here?! “Ah. I remember.”

“Right! Anyways!” Your hands flailed around nervously till they found their place on the lamp-post, your nails digging into the metal. “I- I kinda get what you were talking about now! The whole flying-but-falling, afraid but not thing…” Your voice trailed off as you accidentally made eye contact with Taroumarou, who had slowly walked up to hover behind Thoma’s ankles. 

Kill me now, said the Boss Dog’s expression. Please. Death would be more merciful than having to sit through this.

That death stare alone was enough to make you rethink every word that was about to come out of your mouth; no, you didn't want to admit that you were doing this thanks to a dog, but… he had a point.

You were hiding again, hiding behind words that Thoma had already used like the wretched coward you were, all because you were too afraid of taking the leap. But it was time for you to grow up— if he could manage being blatantly honest about his feelings (the horror!), then so could you.

Yes, you decided, squaring your shoulders and looking Thoma directly in the eye. The time had come for you to suck it up and say what you really meant.

“...Do you remember the day we became seat-mates?” You asked quietly. 

“Of course,” He replied almost immediately. “How could I possibly forget?”

In spite of yourself, a soft chuckle makes its way out of you; it only felt like yesterday in your memories, but so much time had passed between then and now.

“I still remember how confused I was to see you there,” You continued, a wry smile working its way up your lips. “Back then, I didn’t care who or what would sit beside me in class. I just wanted peace and quiet.”

You thought of how lonely and grey the world had felt when you had attained your desired empty seat, completely lacking in the warm hues that you had become accustomed to. Fiery yet gentle red, a warm sunset orange, and yellow that shone like sunlight– for someone who had experienced such vibrant hues, returning to black and grey was a torturous existence. How could you ever return to a normal life when you had already experienced it in colour?

“...Yeah, I definitely didn't get any peace and quiet after that.”

Thoma winced visibly. “Sorry.”

“Hey, don't be sorry. It was a good thing because…” You hesitated for a moment. “...I was happy.” 

You could admit as much, though that sentence alone would never be able to capture how elated you were, the dizzying joy that rushed through your entire being when you realised that someone genuinely went out of their way to spend time with you. That somebody saw you standing in the shadows and went to stand with you, slowly walking with you till you stood side-by-side in the light. 

To you, the forgotten extra, the afterthought who was only remembered when needed— there were no words that could describe how precious that feeling was.

(Man. You had fallen even harder than you originally expected. )

“Even if I’m bad at showing it, I was really happy. The times we ate lunch on the rooftop, or when we'd walk home and laugh about what happened during the day…”

Your fingers twisted in the hem of your shirt as you chuckled, shaking your head in resignation. “And that's why I didn't want to say anything about it. Because I was so happy I was afraid I'd mess it all up.”

That didn't even capture one-fourth of how terrified and confused you felt; the concept of someone finding genuine interest in you as a person was so alien to you that you tried to push it away, running as fast as you can till your legs gave out. But all the same your heart yearned and bled for the opportunity to be cherished, for something to change in your closed-off, wretched mindset, for someone to see through your armour and understand. 

“I’m scared, Thoma. It feels like I’ve been reborn, and it all started when I met you.” Your eyes prickled dangerously, warning you of the tears that threatened to spill any moment now. “Everything is so new to me, and it scares me so, so much— I’m terrified of change.”

Good job, whispered a part of your brain— and in spite of being on the verge of tears, the uncomfortable feeling in your chest slightly loosened, leaving you with your raw emotions. Your mind flowed freely, recalling so many precious memories and feelings that you had accumulated over all your time with Thoma; all were so dear to your heart that you wished you could hoard them away forever. In complacency you had hoped to preserve them in a state of eternal tranquility, but…

“...Me too, actually.”

“Hah?” You blinked owlishly, your eyes coming back into focus just in time to see Thoma flush pink. 

“I mean– uh, well, I get you there!” He sputtered furiously, rubbing the back of his neck with the same charmingly awkward air that he always had. “I really, really cherish all the time we spent together, but I didn’t know if it was the same for you, and I was– I was…” 

I was afraid, just the same as you.

For a moment you're struck with the sheer irony of it all— this all could have been very easily avoided if you had actually just communicated with each other and weren't actual boneheads when it came to subtle cues. 

Was it still too late to launch yourself directly into the sun?

“...Looks like we were in the same boat all this time, huh.”

“Yeah,” Thoma replied. “I guess so.”

That's it?! You wanted to scream at yourself. You had wasted so much time dawdling because of your fears, and now you didn't even have the energy to say anything anymore. 

Thoma didn't deserve this, no– this was why you had thought he deserved better. He shouldn't have had to carry the burden of a coward like you who couldn't even say anything when it mattered most—

“I… You should go.” You sniffed most unbecomingly, dabbing at your eyes with the stiff fabric of your uniform. “Sorry– sorry for just bursting out like this all of a sudden. It’s not like me.”

But he didn’t turn away; instead, Thoma stepped forward to the edge of the curb. The dead leaves rustled around his ankles restlessly, parting themselves to make a path for his feet. 

What on earth was he doing?

“Thoma, didn’t you hear me?”

“I know.” His emerald eyes fixed themselves solely onto you, soft yet steady— the intensity of his gaze sent heat flushing to your ears and your face in a most unwelcome manner. And then Thoma stepped even closer, blocking you from view with his body. "Sorry, I’m- I just…”

Your grip tightened on the lamp-post, instinctively trying to steady yourself for whatever he was about to say.

“I…” Thoma cleared his throat, the faintest trace of pink colouring his cheeks. “I just want to be a bit selfish, even for just a little while. I want to keep this moment for myself."

His voice is barely above a whisper, one softer than the dreams of a sleeping child, yet those words rang louder in your ears than a thousand school-bells. If — and only if — your intuition was correct, then this moment was a secret meant to be shared with only two people, one as well-kept as a hidden gem of a bakery. 

(The sudden recalling of a certain memory made you flush even hotter— was that what he had meant to imply that day?)

“Do you know how happy you’ve made me?” He asked, a gentle smile gracing his lips like no other. 

“No, not really,” You managed to force out, your voice wavering from all the tears you choked down. “I have no idea what I’m doing. Please send help.”

Behind Thoma, Taroumarou put a paw over his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to watch (well in his defense, you wouldn’t have wanted to watch this either.) But Thoma did not cringe, no— he threw back his head and laughed.

His was a light, airy laugh that sang of freedom, of joy, and of release; this was the laughter of a boy who’d been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but was finally released from everything that had been holding him back. It was the joy of a young man who now knew that there was no need for him to hide any longer, that the truth of his heart was one reciprocated.

And then when he finished laughing, he gave you a smile that said, 'Don't worry. I'll help you, no matter how many times it'll take.'

Your hands trembled, your nails digging into your palms as you struggled to process what he just said. 

You were… messy. Inconvenient. A violent delinquent who couldn’t control your temper, someone who pushed away affection at every opportunity and ran away when confronted with your emotions. So why did he keep reaching for you? What about you made Thoma want to keep coming back?

“I’m not perfect either, you know.” Thoma smiled ruefully, rubbing the back of his neck. “I get stressed out when I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations of me, and I can’t tell when I’m allowed to say no and be myself. But I’ve learned a lot, all thanks to you.”

Why are you the one saying that to me? You’ve taken the words out of my mouth, you wanted to cry out. Unfair, unfair, unfair.

“It always feels like home when I’m with you. Studying with you, eating with you— even if it’s just walking with you, I feel like I’ve finally come home.” He continued, fiddling with the hem of his shirt nervously. “Even if I feel nervous and unsure of myself, at the same time I’ve never felt safer. And it sounds rather selfish, but… I want to be able to give you that same sanctuary.” 

The leaves fell to the ground silently, all the world quiet as if holding its breath to hear your response; Thoma shifted nervously, clearly more flustered than you’d ever seen him before.

His flush deepened. “If- if you’d let me, of course. Is it okay if I keep doing that, even when we’re old and grey?”

The tight, uncomfortable feeling in your chest suddenly released without warning, and your weary heart cried out in relief. You didn’t have to run away anymore.

You… didn’t have to run away anymore.

There was no reason for you to swallow your feelings down till they bloomed in your lungs like poisonous flowers; no, there had never been any reason for you to suffer in silence at all. You had worried for nothing when apparently he had always, always been looking at you– all this time you had been someone special to him, someone more than a funny sidekick or someone to set him up for his next character arc.

Tears ran down your face undisturbed, the warmth reminding you that this— all of this, was real. Thoma was real. 

(And there was also that obnoxious little part of your brain screaming “VICTORYYYYYYYY!!!!” at the top of its lungs, so yes, this was definitely real. You would never have daydreamt that annoying shriek up, whether deliberately or not.)

Your legs ached to run away once more— but not away from Thoma, for the first time in this entire time period of knowing him and liking him. You wanted to run towards him and be caught up in his arms – or catch him up in yours – and cry. Or laugh. Or anything would do, just as long as it was with him and him alone. You wanted to make up for all the times you ran away from his sincerity out of fear, mistaken his kindness for some ulterior motive thanks to your never-ending paranoia.

Let’s go home, whispered your prodigal heart.

 

"Wait, stay there." Your voice trembled. "You're always the one who comes to find me. This time- this time…”

I want to be the one who goes to you.

His eyes widened slightly in confusion, but the puppy-boy nodded in acknowledgement.

Taking a shaky breath, you eyed the wide stretch of asphalt that stood between you and Thoma— a divide that you had put there in the first place, but who was to say that you couldn’t remove it?

Your foot trembled as you took one faltering step forward, planting your shoe in the center of one white stripe of the crosswalk. Courage, that was all you needed.

I’m not good enough for him, said a nasty, hateful inner voice. Three steps and not a single reply, for such folly was beneath your attention.

This won’t work out, said another. You ignored it and took another two steps forward.

I don’t deserve to be loved like this. Ouch, that one hurt— four steps forward, because you were feeling petty.

He waited patiently, just as he always did; the fading sunlight danced in his eyes of emerald, dazzling your world with the light of a thousand unshed tears. For a moment you remembered an old film based on a true story, one that told of a loyal dog who also sat and waited for someone special in his life.

You’re almost home now, said the look in Thoma’s eyes. Don’t give up yet, please, please, please.

A small part of you sighed and wondered what you had become— someone who was practically wrapped around the finger (the paw?) of an insolent puppy-boy, a reserved individual whose heart melted and now yearned for someone who shone like the sun. Realistically, you could have just run away once more and avoided dealing with this.

But the reason why it was called falling in love was because it meant that the other person would catch you, knowing that you would do exactly the same for them. And you wanted to become someone who could do exactly that for Thoma.

You prayed for strength, for bravery to see this through to the end; if you wanted to be that person for Thoma, then you would need courage. No matter how many times your legs trembled on this road, no matter how many people tried to tell you this and that, you could not run away. You didn’t want to run away this time.

One step, two steps— just a little further, you told yourself. You just needed a little more courage to brave your journey to its end. 

One last step forward, and you held your breath, hardly daring to breathe as you allowed him to envelop you in warmth. A part of you still wondered if it was a dream, but that faint, familiar scent of laundry soap, the unprecedented warmth that bubbled up in your throat… you could never have dreamt that up in a thousand lifetimes.

“…I’m here, Thoma.” Your voice trembles ever so slightly.

He smiles and buries his face into the crown of your head, stroking your hair with a tenderness that you now knew was reserved only for you. “Welcome home.”

From a distance, Taroumarou watched as his subordinates embraced in a mess of tears, a satisfied almost-smile on his fluffy face. This entire ordeal had been ridiculously drawn out and could’ve been avoided if they had just communicated properly, but… the Boss Dog supposed that all was well if it ended well. You could only be a pup once, and as long as his subordinates were happy, then he was satisfied too.

[julius-novachrono]

Been meaning to put this out there for some days but because of who I am as a person I just keep forgetting, but anyways CAN WE GET AN AMEN UP IN THIS BITCH FOR THE LAST SEASON OF VINLAND SAGA? The entire arc was *chef’s kiss*

Thorfinn’s redemption arc is one of the most well written and wholesome I’ve ever seen??!?! Man went from being a rabid teenager blinded by rage

to a shell of a human who had given up

to a kind man who sought to resolve conflict via dialogue and compromise

And not only did he vowed to never use violence again unless it was absolutely the last resort, but he also discovered his life’s purpose: to find and establish a land free of the pain and suffering brought on by war and slavery. A place where the souls of those whose lives he took can finally rest in peace. 10/10. Protect him at all costs.

Also SHOUT OUT to my man Einar for helping Thorfinn find his way out of the shadows. What started of as an acquaintanceship between slaves evolved into friendship and eventually brotherhood. These men found each other when they needed it the most and became one another’s rock. There’s no better testament to their relationship than the fact that Thorfinn hadn’t smiled let alone laughed out loud since he was a little boy until Einar came along.

The side characters in this arc didn’t disappoint either! While at first I didn’t know what to make of Snake, he turned out to be a pretty cool dude. I wished we had gotten to see more of his background and the reason that he was exiled from his home though. Also wished he had gone with Thorfinn and Einar bc imo he had no reason to stay at the farm anymore, considering he paid back the hospitality they showed him by fighting against the king to protect the land. I’m going to miss seeing his fine ass in the next seasons :(

Old Sverkel was THE man cuz imagine pushing 100 AND almost kicking the bucket yet still getting up at the ass crack of dawn to do farming shit?? Couldn’t be me. Also man was down for the cause ✊🏼 cuz he helped Arnheid and Gardar escape. A king without a crown but a king nonetheless!

Speaking of which, RIP Arnheid and Gardar 🪦 they deserved better.

Olmar’s arc?? Quite nicely done. It took almost losing everything and hearing Thorfinn say that no one has enemies (after getting the shit beaten out of him for a whole episode) to bring some sense into him, but better late than never amirite. Now he’s a man worthy of taking over the reigns of his family’s farm. Love that for him.

Also FUCK Ketil. His fake “nice slave owner” persona broke apart the moment shit hit the fan, and when Arnheid wasn’t there to console him (read: letting him abuse her) he took his anger out on her and killed her like bitch ass men tend to do. I hope he keels over soon.

And last but never least my pussy has not known PEACE since Canute’s glow up??? This man went from looking like somebody’s shy sister to looking like a god-like stud so he gets a pass for the imperialism and all that.

The progression from S1 and its themes of revenge, hatred, anger and violence to S2 and its themes of forgiveness, kindness, friendship, love, compassion and redemption is surreal. It’s a gentle reminder that the light will shine on us again after our darkest hour. I can’t wait to see what the next seasons have in store for us.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Enchanté - Ep 9

I really hope this isn't going to be like Plus & Minus where the story reached a natural ending point and then there was two episodes of totally unnecessary drama just to pad it out. I'm glad, for now at least, they can actually kiss when they start play fighting.

Of course they would make being boyfriends into a silly contest too. God, they are idiots and I love them so much.

What exactly does he thing French people are like? Does he think the entire population of France is just making out all the time?

I really hope the next two episodes are just Theo and Akk being nauseatingly in love while everyone around them slowly figures out they are dating. These two both seem to be okay with it, and we know Theo's mum isn't homophobic given she was encouraging him to date Saifa. Just Theo's dad who is the unknown entity...

Weirdly the Thai drama I'm watching with a friend also had one of the leads burn their finger and the other take care of them in the episode we watched yesterday

I looked up the recipe after Theo kept talking about it and it sounds really good! I might have a go at making it some time.

Oh, are we going to resolve stuff with the other boys. Does it make me a bad person if I say I really don't care about them?

Okay, as much as I don't care, I don't like the message that if you finally push back against your abusive mother that she'll keel over and you'll feel guilty for the rest of your life.

I thought for a second there was going to be drama about Akk not watching to do PDA at school.

But he took one look at Theo's sad face and said fuck it. I think if there's going to be drama I don't think it's going to be from them. They are clearly stupidly in love

I swear to god if you fuck with their relationship because you blame Theo for what happened to your mother I will end you (which I realise is impossible because he's a fictional character but you know what I mean)

FFS! They legit made it look like he was about to stab Theo or something but no he just wanted to say 'I've learned my lesson and I'm going to take care of my mother now'. Which I'm not sure should have been what he took away from all this but at least he's not evil?

Okay, is the rest of it going to be about the ones who lied making peace with themselves and with Theo? I'm on board with that. I want Natee to finally realise that Tan is in love with him.

I really want to know if stuff like this actually exists in Thai universities or if it's just a BL thing

Oh no please don't let them argue over money and school gossip. Come on they've been friends for literally years. When has Akk ever shown any interest in Theo's money or his dad's position?

Look at this poor sad boy :(

Theo just wants to feed his boyfriend but Akk is now worried about what everyone is saying. I don't like it!

For a second I thought Akk had decided to get over it and shower Theo with rose petals but nope a bucket nearly landed on Theo's head 😂 Luckily Akk, as always, was there to save him.

OMG PARENTAL DIVORCE PLOT TWIST???

Saifa is a good boy. I'm sorry I said I didn't like you.

I mean surely she must have realised that by inviting one of Theo's friends to her studio that he was going to find out about all this.

OH NO AKK KNEW ABOUT THE PARENTAL DIVORCE! Okay, so maybe they WILL be the source of the drama after all.

I mean, yes, everyone around Theo has lied to him and I totally understand him being upset. BUT HE ALSO INVENTED A WHOLE SECRET ADMIRER JUST TO GET AKK TO CONFESS HIS FEELINGS. Everyone in this is a liar.

Oh, good, Jimmy is here to make things better. Or possibly make them worse.

Yep, worse.

[borderlinescorpio]

Criteria-fitting thoughts - Unstable Emotions (The Reality of Being a Borderline)

TW - Mental Illness , BPD, drug addiction

The reality is, that every single part of the criteria that relates to you as an individual, still won't manifest itself in the same way it does for others. This means that no one should doubt themselves when they're diagnosed, just because of issues such as they've seen other people saying they experience the opposite. The truth is, we are all valid! Please understand whether you fit 5, 6, 7, 8 or all 9, you are valid no matter how many or how they affect you as an individual.

The thing about me is, I'll always provide examples when talking about the affects of Borderline Personality Disorder. I do this for many reasons, but mostly to help people who may not be educated on BPD have an insight into the mind of a Borderline. This can help other borderlines by their FP being able to read, or their siblings, parents or friends. I can be quite an over-sharer, although I don't think I'll need a trigger warning for what I'm going to be writing about today. But I'll include one regardless just incase.

One of the weirdest things I've noticed about mood swings, is having to avoid certain people, places, conversations, even smells, in order to not have panic attacks/flashbacks?? (which automatically lead into an episode of either extremity). My favourite perfume as a teenager, I feel like all the girls had it, Fantasy by Britney, it was amazing but now it just takes me back to the trauma I was experiencing at that time. The strong smell of petrol in a car garage, chicken flavoured supernoodles.. My dad was an addict growing up and he worked as a mechanic, which explains the petrol thing. regardless of my dads life choices, I just wanted so desperately for him to love me the way other girls' dads loved them, it feels pathetic to say it now. One time, he OD'd sitting next to me on the couch, watching TV and his head was at a backwards angle.. I heard liquid coming up his throat but he didn't move, so I yanked him forward and saved that mans life. I was 8 years old, eating chicken flavoured supernoodles.

Even things people might deem as stupid can ruin my whole day, such as hard style music or certain shows or movies with disturbing plots or may have been big in the world of cinema, back in a time where my life was a living hell and i only had myself to rely on fully. Trying to mask it in front of other people is f*cking hard too. I've tried the whole 'okay I will go to the concert, maybe the environment will distract me from the negative effects the music has on my body'.. don't do it, you'll only wish you never went to begin with.

The mood swings side of BPD really does make me terrified to be a parent, like what if I do or say one thing ever that causes them trauma.. I know and I am confident in the work I have done over these past few years to get help and work on changing behaviours, but how do I know I wouldn't end up more mentally ill while being pregnant or after giving birth? Would I have to come off of my medication, which alongside therapy has been the only thing to keep me on an even keel? I'm 25 and I feel like I should be A LOT further on in life than I am..

Another curse of unstable emotions for me personally has got to be the intense lonliness I feel 24/7, due to isolating myself in the hopes that if I'm not around other people, then maybe I won't ruin my relationship with them by splitting or heading into an episode and being too much to handle. If I'm in a manic state I'm too loud and overbearing, and I do really stupid things with a lot of disorganised thinking, it can get quite dangerous. However, if I'm in a depressive episode, my negativity is too much to handle, I'm too intolerant, too aggressive. So I just simply stay away, because what else can I do to protect them from.. me. Or is it me? I'm at a point where I've let the monster take over so much, I have no idea where it stops and I begin.. I have some really good moments where I feel like myself, not possessed by the demon of darkness, but that quickly fades into bouts of nothingness.

[misanthropiczombie]

35 !!!

so im pretty sure im already spoild for how this arc uhhhh ends out. but we'll see

i love the sleeve flick as a show of displeasure.

ah yeah so that is in fact spoiled but wOW STILL EMOTIONAL

also so intensely fuck that guy

all of the 'its bad luck's were actually foreshadowing, alas

but! they have the bracelets, so in theory they'll get a second chance!

also THIS is what i mean by tragic romance needing a resolution before it can be properly tragic. It's sad because they were close, they'd overcome their obstacles, hand in hand but they were betrayed in an egregious way at the height of happiness.

also wkx is going to absolutely DEMOLISH these people he's gonan be SO MAD

okay but listen right LISTEN TO ME

She gets the warriors death and that is SO IMPORTANT TO ME. They could have made her weak or an actual bad fighter, but instead she's taking on someone who outclasses her by far because he was the one who sneak-killed cao weining (which is gutless and frankly he deserved better) and just Anyways. There's poetry in this and if she's going to die (which i paused to write this so like maybe not... but) this is the way I'd have hoped for her.

WEN KEXING KILL THAT MO FO

He heals and he keels

OH SHE LEGITIMATELY FORGOT HIM GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR HER

well less good for her

Does he have the key? is that actually the key? somehow I doubt it.

He inhereted that Ambition lol

Oh okay More Fighting

Well I guess thats one way to cleanse the mountain

ALSO sorry now he's retreating???? fuck this dude with a rusty spork

SHES REAL GOOD AT THE ACTING THAT mAKES ME CRY

NOT ME CRYING YOU CRYING

I hope Wen Kexing fuckign destroys them.

that's his DAUGHTER he tried to give her a better life, but in the end his past still caught up with him

vocalized music over the top= Emotional Beat but also they're right for it

but also he put the crown/diadem back on her AND HE GET CRAZY EYES BACK

when did he get a cut on his face.

because you are too ambitious for your own good

and also you deserved it

also YES YES YES BAD ASS, INTENSE WEN KEXING IS BACK. Im sorry it was brough on by Gu Xiang's death but like man do I love this shit.

God those swishy robes are the shit. lookit them long legs framed by the red twirl. very cool.

also stop throwing the fan please it is also your defensive tool and we have an entire other episode to go here

where was zzs he also ran in with him. why was he fighting this guy alone alsoalso took the HIT just to get close enough to kill him

I appreciate the commitment to the revenge but also she said to take care of your self

getting stabbed in the chest is not really my idea of Self Care

OKAY BUT WOW WHAT BADASSERY. i rewound that like ten seconds and he BREAKS THE SWORD OFF INSIDE HIMSELF THEN USES THAT TO STAB A MOFO

and also whooooooooooOoOoOooOOOOOOOoOo boy the LOOK when he do.

if we're going to get a second tragic death it really has to be next episode

and we've sort of wrapped up a bunch of ends here already

what a gorgeous shot tho

lmao "i do not give a fuck about the armory, im sunbathing fuck off" *is bleeding to death* wkx is a whole mood

i mean it a little insulting for you to stab him while hes already dying.

also okay so like. Look

I love Xie Wang, so, so , SO MUCh but ZZS should talk less and stab more. he has a husband in dire need of medical intervention, you know

'your life for his, fuck the power' very zzs pretty sure xie wang is moderately jealous

waht if he didnt accidentally that balm. save him instead of yourself do it

also KISS HIM, but you know. book for kissin, tc show for sick aerial shots

mo stabbin mo rehabbin

mmmmm i didnt actually catch it, but based on their responses I suspect this dude just called Xie Wang overly familarly or something. Of course that kind of stuff doesnt come across in translations

he turned away her ghost ):

there is some symbolism im missing with the tea, I think

hes wearing the hair stiiiiick

oh he for reals is going for it this time. aigh aight

Word of Honor Liveblogging pt 3

OKAY PART THREE

Episodes 1-16 ⪻⨀⪼ Episodes 17-26

I realized I need to stub out everything if I actually want to make these directional and a new reblog for each episode. ITS FINE.

Anyways, onto Episode 27 and through the last episodes of the series. I'm so goddamned obsessed already.

dramatic xiao playing again. He doesnt eat his emotions, he plays the xiao.

Ye bai ye? oh its both of them lmao

and there's the drop but he really dont look that surprised

BECAUSE HES SMART AND IF WKX HAD JSUT TOLD HIM IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE

The fight WKX has been ITCHING for

YE BAIYE so stronk

Man i know im like a fucked up little gremlin, but Wen Kexing looks real nice with some bruises lmao

wkx's devastated look is making a lot of appearances and A) its so good like acting wise B) it's SO GOOD emotional wise

~sword glare~

Anyways I just want to say one of my least favorite things in cdramas thusfar is the plot armor/plot nerf. wkx and zzs both down from one singular blow? for a guy they've fought a few times? ((the wens eradicating all of lotus pier with ZERO casualties on their side?? im still salty)) anyways they definitely could have lasted longer.

ZZS going for the 'i'm not mad, i'm disappointed" route. Fatherhood has agreed with him

EHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHHDF me, hyperventallating into a bag: HE HELD HiS FACEa;lsdkfj no notes your honor

helpless child act lmao i love them i love them brat4brat i love this zhou zishu

she is trying so hard to keep it together just TELL HIM

good for him for sticking up for her.

Nut Bar

br u h is he in the bath. surely they have restored the manor enough for some more individualized rooms. there used to be 81 of his generation

DAMN ZZS "im not good at lying like you"

listen STAB HIM Zhao Jing fucking sucks and you deserve so much better.

KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM i believe in you so hard kill HIM

ope we have vocalized lyrics, something Important is going to happen. MAYBE HER SECRET WILL BE OUT THERE CHRIST

lmao wkx getting chengling (presumably) drunk what a fucking gremlin. ZZS just letting him

gremlin wkx and zzs is doing that dramatic sigh like he hates it except he absolutely does not

[gillianthecat]

My Only 12% episode 5.

I was either crying or felt like crying for the majority of this episode. Ooof. Powerful stuff. I don't really have many coherent thoughts about it yet.

The opening voice over in the first episode had tricked me into thinking that See-eiw already knew he was gay and that he was in love with Cake. So re-evaluating the first four episodes knowing that he didn't know -- that makes everything feel so much sadder.

They were really taking Love of Siam to task for how much damage tragic endings to queer stories can do. That was very pointed, and it also felt very righteous, in the best sense of that word. Among everything, it also gives me hope that this story will have a happy ending for them. That scene is strong evidence for @bengiyo's hypothesis that this show is New's correction to Love of Siam.

I am so relieved that Hom turned out to be supportive and loving and affirming. Cake was so lost about why See-eiw was pulling away, and trying so hard to understand and to fix it. Even though that's heartbreaking, I think it is also a good thing that See-eiw is branching out and making a new friend in Sand. (Although there is still something mysterious about him, even though I do like him.)

I adore Hom. Which makes me nervous about this Peak storyline. (Also, Peak - you are not Toh, and this is not Secret Crush On You. Get those photos off your wall this instant.)

I don't really know where the genre borders are, but a lot of this episode felt more like a queer story than a BL. But this cliffhanger almost kiss feels very BL. It also seems like Se-eiw is starting to adjust to living with this new understanding of himself, which puts the emotions of the show back onto a more even keel.

It looks like no timeskip next week. We're heading closer to the halfway point of the 14 episode run, I wonder when that's going to happen. Not till episode 11 or 12?

[moonlit-han]

stray kids reacting to you having bad cramps ↠ all members

genre: reaction, fluff word count: 3.5k warnings: discussion of menstrual cramps, pain, etc., swearing request: yes (anon)

a/n: hey, anon~ sorry this took me so long to write for you;;;; I decided to try a new style—it was nice to write this because I got to imagine how I’d like to be taken care of. (wow, can you tell I could use some cuddles right now?) I hope this is comforting to you! stay cozy✨

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

bang chan

bad cramps are a normal thing for you

and chan knows this all too well

but sometimes just explaining something doesn’t do it justice

your cramps are so bad that, a lot of the time, you can’t even get out of bed

bad enough that you can’t even scream

chan probably wouldn’t show his concern too much because he doesn’t want to worry you

he would be really concerned the first time you had horrible cramps around him, though

he’d slept over after a movie night and woke up to you curled around a pillow, whimpering

the first thought he’d had was that you were having a nightmare

and so he just gently rubbed your back a little to calm you

but you’d kept whimpering and occasionally curled more closely around the pillow

aaaand you’d finally managed to explain that you were having cramps

and couldn’t exactly move…

chan had quickly drawn a bath for you

(and added a rubber ducky just because he could aljhadfjlkshfjkh)

you’d kinda squeaked when he picked you up, not expecting to be lifted bodily out of your blankets

chan would just kiss the top of your head as he carries you to the bathroom and then gently help you out of your pajamas

the bath would be extremely hot but that was perfect (♡‿♡)

hhhhhh and he’d even add rose bath soap to the water since it was your favorite

(you’d end up with a tiara of bubbles on your head heheheh)

chan would wash your hair and rub your back, massaging your sore muscles

even though the pain is only in your low back and abdomen, you still manage to hold tension in the rest of your body

and then he’d join you in the shower to help you rinse off

he’d hold you because the pain is just so bad and you can barely stand

and if you needed more than just a massage, he’d be happy to oblige

sometimes the release of pleasure helps ease the pain, too

chan just wants you to feel good and to be relaxed

after helping you dry off, chan would bundle you into warm clothes

it was always important, you’d said before, to stay warm

he’d even brush and braid your hair (if you have long hair, that is)

the little tingles that shoot through your scalp when he plays with your hair feel amazing

chan would kiss your cheek and your neck as he works his fingers through your hair

he insisted that you needed to stay hydrated, sometimes having to cajole you into drinking water because you could barely move

he’d want you to be as comfortable as possible

he’d make a blanket nest for you

he’d even put a heating pad or hot water bottle in there for you

pain meds and water would be close at hand

and whatever food you were craving

and he’d be extra affectionate

so many hugs and cuddles

just hugs all day long

maybe it’s just because you’re in pain

but chan’s hugs when you’re having horrible cramps are somehow different from his usual ones??

like he just envelopes you even more than usual and doesn’t let go

you’d just burrow into his arms even further

he’d give you one of his wonderfully big and comfy sweatshirts to wear

it smells like the soap he uses and just his general chan-ness

in other words, the best smell  e v e r  ㅠ_ㅠ ( ◡‿◡ ♡)

and just having him there with you would make everything better

lee minho

he would also be really loving and caring

and totally calm, not at all surprised

he’s just so even-keeled, you know?

would probably insist that doongie, soonie, and dori sleep with you

minho: “cats are totally medicine! their purring will help!”

they’re super snuggly anyway and just hunker down next to you

and minho is just a fourth cat, honestly

he kinda just curls up with you, massaging your low back if you have cramps that ache there

or just resting a warm hand on your belly to help soothe the pain

he’d get you a fluffy blanket and some orange juice (for the vitamin c to help your muscles relax and to reduce the inflammation!)

and definitely a heating pad or a hot water bottle

if you have two hot water bottles, he’d make a sandwich out of you and the water bottles

(so he could eat you up later ;) )

minho would insist that you take naps, holding you to his chest so you’d fall asleep more easily

he’d also queue up episodes of a show or several movies for the two of you to watch if you were home for the day

if you were at work and had super bad cramps, minho would bring you whatever food or pain meds or anything you’d need

he’s the kind of person who would just drop everything to take care of you, you know? (((we know, lee know alfkjafkjshjhk i’m so sorry i had to)))

he’s just a little ball of love and would want you to feel better

he’d kinda rock you back and forth in his arms if you have a particularly bad spasm of pain

like chan, minho would also get you into the shower to help you feel better

he’d have to convince you to even get out of bed, tho...

“come on, y/n. you’ll feel better if you take a shower. i promise”

“hhhhhhh i don’t wanna get up”

“y/n…..”

“mmph”

*minho grabbing your hands and tugging* “sweetheart, please.” *tug* "UGH why do you have to act like dead weight now of all times. geez, y/n.”

“...........”

*tugging intensifies* “get! up! i’ll drag you into the shower, you dork. you know i will”

“fiiiiiiiiiine”

he’d still have to pretty much drag you to the bathroom

AJDFHKGDJFGK

minho gently stripping you out of your clothes would kinda be like trying to dress a baby, since you wouldn’t want to move

he’d just hold you in there, rubbing soap over your body and shampoo through your hair

the hot water and minho holding you, honestly, works as well as any pain med

thank goodness ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

and at any time whatsoever, minho’s gentle smile would just make your day so much better

and you know he’d pepper you with kisses all over

(i mean all over)

bc it just always make you feel the most contented ever hhhhhh

and you deserve to not be thinking about pain

bc pain fucking sucks;;;;

and he’d just tell you how much he loves you so much you don’t even know how to respond

and it kinda makes you wanna cry

but from happiness

alkfjhskjhsklhjs

VERY SOFT

seo changbin

changbin would be pretty calm and would know exactly what to do

just matter-of-fact about taking care of you

you’d told him you get really bad cramps before

but the first time you had really bad cramps around him, he was a little freaked out

he hadn’t realized that period cramps could be that bad

you’d come home and pretty much collapsed on the couch

he’d thought you were just tired

but when you let out a strangled scream, changbin was;;;; um;;; a bit worried

okay not just worried

c o n c e r n e d (⊙ __ ⊙);;;;

maybe even a little scared??

he didn’t want to let on that he was worried about you

hearing you kinda just whimpering and crying out in pain tore at his heart

changbin would give you all the stuffed animals you have

(gyu would also make an appearance)

just pile them up around you “for emotional support”

and then he’d wrap his arms and legs around you to cuddle you close

definitely your basic case of:

“binnie please let go”

“no”

“binnie i can’t breathe…”

“oh,,,” *loosens hold slightly*

akjfhgaljkhajkhg

he’s literally just a cuddle bug hhhhhhhh

and I MEAN

THE BIGGEST CUDDLE BUG EVER

OH MY GODS

he’d rub your belly or your back, depending on where it hurt

and just want to make everything better

changbin would be the one to give you a full body massage if your cramps are bad

he’d insist on doing it, actually

even if you’re whiny and complain, he knows that once you’re relaxed you’ll feel a million times better

he’d concentrate on your low back, pressing his wonderfully warm hands into your muscles

and slowly but surely you’d feel the pain and tension release

hhhhhh he’s probably really good at giving massages ｡･ﾟ(ﾟ⊃ω⊂ﾟ)ﾟ･｡

ALSO!!! can you just imagine how warm binnie would be cuddling?

HHHHHHHH

you wouldn’t even need a heating pad

he’s all the warmth and comfort you’ll ever need

aldfjkahjlskhsl (♡‿♡)

and his muscles would be the comfiest

they’re all so big but would be so squishy when at rest

hhhhhh just imagine it

laying your head on his chest with his arms around you

the softest oh my god

changbin is so kind and gentle that he’d just want to make sure you’re okay and be really soft

HHHHHHHHHHH

once you were feeling a bit better, he’d probably tickle you a little

just so you’d release your tension

what a cute goofball

UGH HE’S JUST SO SOFT

he’d sing you to sleep while threading his fingers through your hair

and his low raspy voice would be so calming and lovely

binnie’s go-to medicine is just literally just all the cuddles ever ((well, and pain meds, etc., of course, bc cramps are horrible and evil))

hwang hyunjin

this boy would be just a little panicky

ya know, jUst A litTtLE

you’d suddenly doubled over while you were out shopping

for matching couple sweaters

(you know, the horrible kind that could only be worn ironically or by people so pretentious that they don’t know the meaning of irony)

and hyunjin is all 

“OH MY GOD Y/N  (＠_＠) (」ﾟﾛﾟ)｣

BABE

ARE YOU OKAY

HHHHHH

WHAT DO YOU NEED

WHAT CAN I DO;;;;;;;;;”

he’d kinda flutter around you like a moth

all worried eyes and nervous energy

he really wouldn’t know what to do

bc FUCK???!!

CRAMPS??!!!! ┗(｀ﾟДﾟ´)┛ﾟ

not his forte

“i just need to go home, jinnie. i’ll be fine”

((yeah... lie thru your teeth y/n;;;; ))

he’s still panicky as fuck

when you get home you kinda just collapse on the bed

hyunjin’s all “OOOOH CUDDLE TIME YES”

which was okay for like 2 mins until  a g o n y

“jinnie, i need pain meds. NOW” (x﹏x);;;;;

hyunjin would bound off the bed all “I got this, babe!

and then realize that he had no idea where you kept the pain meds strong enough to deal with menstrual cramps

“uuuuh where are they . . .” (⌒_⌒;)

*y/n flailing in the general direction of the medicine cabinet*

so once he found them, he’d get you a glass of water and help you sit up to take the meds

all better?

NOPE

you’d need a hot water bottle and blankets

oh and chocolate. lots of chocolate

hyunjin would be so damn determined to make you feel better

to do anything he could bc you seemed in so!! much!!! pain!!!!

ten minutes later you’d find yourself practically swaddled in blankets on the couch with Hyunjin curled around you like a fucking squirrel or something

just let him take care of you

he’s doing his best;;;

he’d want to make you all the food you’d ever want

but would keep getting distracted

bc all he wants to do is just kiss you a bunch

and tell you how cute you are

bc, let’s face it, y/n, you’re pretty cute aldsjfhgsjfkhalhg

even though he isn’t sure what to do at first, hyunjin is actually quite good at taking care of you

if you’re at his place, you’d definitely end up with kkami on your lap

bc why wouldn’t you want a sweet pup giving you all the love when you’re in pain?!!

hhhh so sweet

han jisung

oh jisung, my sweet precious squirrel boy

jisung would probably be a lot like hyunjin alfjahkjdfh

kinda panicky bc he doesn’t know what to do

really surprised that someone could have cramps that bad

it’s clear to him that, while he’s felt pain before, it was nothing like what you’re dealing with

how the hell do you do this every. single. month.

keeps telling you you’re badass

but,,,,, um;;;;;

Y I K E S

*queue fluttering, panicky hands*

“hhhhhh baby what can i do;;;;;”

y/n: *indistinct pain noises* “i’m fine”

“yoU’rE NOt fiNe!!!”

“ji really it’s okay. i’m used to this”

(you say as you’re curled on the couch, clutching just below your belly with a look of concentrated pain on your face)

“HHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

he’d end up bring you soup and some water

bc soup helps everything, right?

and all the pain meds he could get his hands on

there would be like 10 random bottles of every kind of pain relieving medicine tumbling out of his arms

“i didn’t know what would work;;;;;”

he’s just a sweet lad

what else was he supposed to do?

you’d manage a weak smile before another stab of pain would decide to hurtle through you like a fucking bullet train

at this point, jisung would definitely be feeling sympathetic pain

(not fun;;; )

he’d help you sit up and take the meds

then c u d d l e s

literally just all the cuddles in the world

jisung would hold you tightly, arms and legs wrapped around you, stroking your hair to get you to fall asleep

not that you’d be having any trouble with that, since you would be snuggled by

The Master of Spooning™ himself

even though he’s comforting you and helping, jisung can’t help but be glad that he gets to cuddle you for a long time

and when you felt angry at your body for giving you such horrible pain he’d hold you even tighter

then find some way to make you laugh

laughter is very important in jisung’s world (and, therefore, your world)

and you do find that it takes your mind off the pain, if only a bit

it’s almost like clockwork when you get bad cramps

same time of the month, same kind of pain

(you’ve definitely cursed every single god you can think of for this)

so he knows in the small, secret recesses of his mind, that he’ll get to cuddle the heck out of you at those times

he’d just smother you with kisses to wake you up to make sure you’d take more pain meds

okay;;; he’d smother you with kisses all day, too

and, like a cat kneading, he’d massage your belly and back to relax your muscles

you’d felt a little better after that

resting your head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat would be incredibly calming

by the end of the day, jisung would just hold you on top of him

like you’re a little otter and he doesn’t want to lose you

alkjfghakjlfhahjfgaklhga (●´ω｀●)

lee felix

felix would be amazingly casual about the whole thing and just ready to go

like;;; this boy would just immediately pick you up, kiss your forehead, and carry you to bed

need pain meds?

he’s already put them in the drawer of your bedside table as soon as you’d started your period

need a heating pad?

he’s got like five—all different shapes, sizes, whatever you need

(you’re not quite sure where or when he gets all this stuff, but you’re not complaining)

all he’d want is to just cuddle you

he’d turn those big, soulful eyes on you like you’re the best thing he’s ever seen

((which you are (≧◡≦) ))

and even if you’re curled on the bed in mildly stinky pajamas

he’d still just curl up with you and try to make everything okay

felix would just ramble on about anything and everything to try to distract you

yes, you’d probably be witness to Felix’s Interpretive Dance Time

.....whether you wanted to or not

(you secretly like it when he’s that silly alkfsjhajkfh)

and, of course, felix would make you breakfast (even if it wasn’t morning)

an absolutely delicious meal of all your favorite foods, even if they’re not normal breakfast food

((but honestly, what even is normal breakfast food??? just eat what’s yummy!))

since he’s been practicing baked goods, he’d also make you a lil cake just to cheer you up

and would try to ice it, which would come out really cute

he’d put “to my smol bean: UR CUTE ILY”

bc we all know felix is a cute dork who’d totally put something like that on a cake

hhhhhhhhhh

would probably call chan or changbin just to make sure he’s not forgetting anything for taking care of you

he wouldn’t forget anything for you, anyway, bc he’s just that committed to making you feel better

oh and you’d definitely watch like 15 children’s movies in a row (okay maybe not in a row, but still)

bc what’s better than laughing at the antics of various animated characters?!

and singing along to the songs would be really fun and take your mind off the pain

it would make you breathe properly and relax! 

yay!!!

felix would probably act out some of the scenes to his favorite movies beside the screen just so you could check his accuracy

AALKJFHGAJFH

and if all you wanted to do is sleep, felix would curl up with you on the bed or couch

and run his fingers through your hair and down your back to soothe you

and give you smol sweet kisses before falling asleep

kim seungmin

seungmin is also quite practical

when you told him that you get excruciating cramps, he immediately went and researched everything about menstrual cramps

potential causes for especially bad cramps

what to do for someone who’s having bad cramps

what not to do when someone’s having bad cramps

and he’d immediately gone out and bought what seemed like a year’s supply of pain meds, chocolate, three heating pads, and three hot water bottles, as well as extra pads and tampons

so the first time you were together and you kinda just went “aaghhh” in pain, seungmin immediately ran to his closet to get All The Things

you’d given him a quizzical look when he came back into the living room

he had a bag that looked, somehow, Official

although, most of seungmin’s things look Official~

(he’s just that organized and meticulous alkjfhsjfghsh)

so when he’d opened the bag, you had to stifle a giggle

in the bag, seungmin had put everything you’d need for when you had your period

hhhhhhhh what a sweetheart (✿´ ꒳ ` )

and if you need space, he’d just be in the other room minding his own business until you demand cuddles

he’d just absentmindedly give you head pets while the two of you watch a show or something

or he’d read to you from whatever book he’d been reading

or that you’d been reading  (▰˘◡˘▰)

would make you tea~

you’d probably end up cuddling his little puppy stuffed animal at some point

um;;;; seungmin’s potential fathering instincts would probably come out a little bc he just feels so much affection for you

and is just in CARING MODE

if you’re out together and you have cramps, you’d find yourself whisked back home for a day of rest

if you can’t go home, seungmin would just get you the proper pain meds and some water

he probably keeps meds for you in his wallet (´ω｀♡)

all seungmin wants is for you to not be in pain

bc it hurts his heart

he doesn’t exactly show it a bunch on the outside to other people

but he’s really caring

most of all with youuuu~~~

he wants to ki— kick whoever decided that cramps could be this bad

like what the fuck, man;;;;;

he’d be very encouraging as he talks to you, since he doesn’t want you to worry or anything

he’s knows you worry enough about why you get bad cramps

whenever the pain would get so bad that you want to cry and feel like you’re going to lose your mind, seungmin’s bright smile would bring you back to earth

he’d reassure you that everything’s okay

and kiss the top of your head as he holds you (*/ω＼)

yang jeongin

jeongin’s remedy to cramps is stuffed animals

all the stuffed animals

all of them

e v e r

you both have a propensity for stuffed animals, characters, random objects, etc.

you even have a stuffed strawberry that’s the size of your torso

so jeongin would just pile up all the stuffies and a bunch of pillows

and settle you in them

you’d feel like you were drowning in stuffed animals ajkfshgkjfhg

like felix, he’d probably secretly call chan just to check that he’s doing the right thing for you, too (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

jeongin would make you tea and bring a pot of it to your bedside table

(just herbal tea, not caffeinated bc he doesn’t want you to get dried out)

he’d bring everything you could ever want in tea:

honey, milk, lemon, sugar

the tea would be reeeeeally yummy

and the warmth would help calm your nerves that had been on high alert since the night before when the cramps had started

jeongin would curl up with you and just stroke your hair

he’d turn on a show the two of you had been watching

a comedy, of course

why would you want to watch anything else while in pain??

okay so as calm as all this seems, he’d be fucking panicked as hell inside

like how is supposed to deal with this???

welp….. might as well just pretend it’s any other day

and you just happen to need more cuddles

he finds it really cute when you are  b a b y

and when you’re having horrible cramps….

yoU ARE B A B Y!!!!!!

the cutest ever

like holy shit

jeongin would be completely floored by how cute you are

you’d just kind of nuzzle into his stomach as you curl up next to him

of course, he’d also make sure you remember to take pain meds and all

sometimes he’d be a little annoying about it but not by much~

just enough to get you to WeAR sOcKs Y/N!!

he’d totally be the one to kinda pounce on you and carry you outside to sit on the lawn

not one but two blankets would cushion you from the grass and any bugs~

he’d probably bring all the stuffed animals he’d piled on you earlier outside

“they’ll get lonely!!”

…….right

definitely not an excuse to throw the radish plushies he got you at your head…..

((you’d get him back, though, with a few well-aimed charizards or something))

but if you needed him to be serious, he would be

bc, really, he cares about you so much he feels like his heart’s gonna burst (*♡∀♡)

[c-is-for-circinate]

Post-ep 123 Reaction

Wow, y’all.  What a ride.

You know, I used to do these after every single CR episode.  Every single one, 2 AM, exhausted and dazed, trying to pour out smart thinky thoughts onto tumblr because I’d be so overflowing with ideas and feelings.

I haven’t so much, lately, and I think part of that is just the fact that I have not been enjoying this Aeor arc.  I’ve hated the traveling along with Lucien in a way that’s made it unpleasant to watch, instead of fun.  (For me, personally!  Many people have been enjoying the tension, and I know the players have been enjoying the tension, and that’s fine!  Yay for them!)  Some of the ancient ruins explorations, too, have gotten just a little too creepy-horror-game for sitting alone in my apartment at one in the morning.  I’ve had less to say.  I’ve wanted to say it less.

And that’s not true tonight.  I can’t remember the last time I got excited about a CR episode like I was tonight.  Oh, there’ve been bits and moments I loved all throughout, there always are, that’s why I’m still watching live even in an arc that hasn’t thrilled me, but I loved the whole episode today, all five and a half hours of it, and god that feels good.

So in celebration, some specific bullet points:

The start of the episode, the discovery of the eyes on Beau and Caleb.  The attempts at science.  The fear, and yet, also, the glimmers of...okay but what if we could use this?  (The moment in the second half, after the Tombtakers ran off, when Beau suggests going into her dreams to ask for help to find them--yes.  Yes.  I still don’t have a lot of interest in evil wizard plotlines when you doom yourself/the world/etc out of curiosity, but the willingness to dive into this terrifying thing that might change you, might break you, because you need what it can give you in order to save a thing you love (your friends, the world) more than you need to be whole or sane or even, necessarily, alive--that is my GOOD SHIT.)     

Guys, I just loved every single minute of that white dragon fight, okay?  It was such a mess.  It was such a mess!  And look, there’s a very specific kind of frenetic energy that the table gets when they find themselves in the middle of a terrifying boss battle, and there’s a different very specific kind of wild ‘this may as well happen’ energy they get when things go terribly wrong entirely due to random chance, and getting the compound of both of those things at once is always glorious.  Nobody is prepared for anything!  Everybody is freaking out!  There’s good reason to suspect that, even if someone dies a bit, everyone’s going to make it out alive, but shit’s wild in the middle there and it’s just such a joy to watch.     

Likewise, I know that final fight was really stressful for both the cast and a lot of viewers, but honestly in so many ways I watched it feeling so much less stressed than the past few weeks have made me?  Yes, it was a horrible, horrible fight, the team in so far over their heads, so low on sleep and spells and any resources at all.  But, god, thank god, at least it was finally over.  There’s no going back to fake amity with the Tombtakers after this, no more playing along and trying to plot treason while the person you’re plotting against is probably hearing every word.  Enemies can be faced!  They can be fought, or fled, or defeated, they can be destroyed or put off for another day, but at least nobody’s pretending any more while trapped in wary uncertain fear of their own houseguests.  At least now it’s done.     

The fucking Iron Shepherds parallels.�� Just.  Yes. I have hated the trapped feelings of traveling alongside Lucien and his crew, but the Iron Shepherds parallels are, while stab-me-in-the-heart painful, so fucking good.  The very best moments with Lucien have been the ones that mimic Mollymauk, not even because they bring hope that Molly could come back to us someday (although that’s there, that faint shimmering thread), but because it is always the best, worst, most glorious twist of irony. Molly died trying to save his friends, saving his friends, from the violence of a monster who was so very like him in all the ways he was terrified to know.  Lorenzo and his ragtag group of multiclassed minions, full of loyalty, arrogance, unexpected powers, here to torture and enslave.  The Nein have more power now, a little more negotiated control, they are different--but so much of it is just window-dressing as they’ve been dragged along on this pell-mell journey against their will, told when to walk and when to sleep, headed towards a place they would’ve gone anyway at the behest of someone they really do not give a shit about any more.  It’s so much the same. And the thing that is beautiful, and the thing that I love, the one thing for which I do love Lucien, is just--god, the irony.  The irony!  Because it’s not just that Lucien is like Lorenzo, that Molly turns out to be like the man that killed him after all; it’s not just Lucien, all unknowing, rebuilding old grudges and replaying old scenes without even knowing them.  It’s the fact that Molly’s death is the only reason this can happen in the first place. Mollymauk Tealeaf, murdered and buried, wanting only to protect his teammates from a megalomaniacal killer--sacrificing himself on a hope and a chance that maybe, maybe, he and his friends could all survive, and they’d all be fucked anyway if he didn’t--he died to do it.  And it worked.  They were safe, for a little while, for long enough to rescue Jester and Yasha and Fjord.  Long enough to keep going, to leave part of the world better than they found it, to canonize him in his own way.  Except now here they are again, worse and deeper into the same shit than ever before, and it never could have been like this if Molly had survived.  He derailed Lorenzo long enough to save them then, and created the forward path for the Lucien they’re facing now. It’s terrible.  It’s beautiful.  And that’s some damn good storytelling.

The start of the next episode is going to be very very hard for the Nein!  In so many ways, they’re back exactly where they were episodes ago when they first started traveling with Lucien’s crew to begin with: one threshhold crest in their possession, beat to hell and almost entirely out of spells, exhausted, in desperate need of a long rest, with a probably-pursuing enemy that doesn’t seem inclined to let them have one.  It’s as untenable now as it was then.

They have so much more knowledge now (was it worth it?).  They have their own connection to the city now (will it cost them more than they’ve gained?).  Maybe they have a direction.  Probably they’ve got options.  They’ve got an angel, an owl, a wooly mammoth, and a destination.  Maybe, if they’re very fast and very lucky, maybe, if Caleb uses a teleport spell or they somehow manage to navigate through the snow in their exhaustion with all their luck, they’ll make it to Essek in time to collapse almost safely.  They’ve needed backup so badly.  They’ve needed someone, anyone, to keep them safe for just a few hours so they can plan, and think, and sleep.

And they’ve been so busy trying to play nice, giving in to their fear, trying to avoid the fight they just dove into (with half the team exhausted and half their spell slots gone!), that they haven’t let themselves go and get those things.  And now they’re out the other side of that fight.  Now they know, just a bit more, what Lucien and his team are made of.

Now they can finally, maybe, maybe, start finding ways to take back their own control instead of keeling over with the fear.  I hope.  I hope, I hope, I hope.

[tsunfucker]

The End of Evangelion [Theatrical Trailer]

(Screen text:  So, everybody just go and die...)

Staff (in Japanese alphabetical order)

Random women's voices: You don't really know if it's love until after the infatuation stops. Men just want a mother figure who'll spoil them. Men...You doit with them once and they think they own you. Ritsuko? Yeah, that's okay,too. You'll be sorry for that. That's not romantic in the least. Men are all scum... Don't think I'm going to forgive you!

----------------------------------------- TITLE SCREEN:  THE END OF EVANGELION Neon Genesis Evangelion Cinema Edition - Air/Sincerely Yours  (My Pure Heart For You) -----------------------------------------

(Screen text:  Then, why are you here?) (Screen text:  ...Is it okay for me to be here?) -----------------------------------------

Premiering July 19 (Sat.) Advance tickets including original poster on sale. General admission: 1500 yen     Students: 1200 yen Created by the EVA Production Committee (Project EVA) Distributed by Toei Studios, Inc. This film is animated. -----------------------------------------

TITLE SCREEN:  THE END OF EVANGELION Neon Genesis Evangelion Cinema Edition - Air/Sincerely Yours (My Pure Heart For You) Premiering July 19 (Sat.) Created by the EVA Production Committee (Project EVA) Distributed by Toei Studios, Inc. -----------------------------------------

Toei Studios, Inc. logo in triangle

Eirin (Eiga Rinri Kitei Kanri Iinkai = Motion Picture Code of Ethics Committee) registration in circle

(Vertical screen text:  Neon Genesis Evangelion Cinema Edition)

The End of Evangelion Episode 25: Air/Love is destructive. :Translated Script

OPENING SCENE Shinji stands silently before the lake created by the explosion of EVA-00, triggered by Rei in episode number 23, which also destroyed Tokyo-3.

SCENE:  Hospital - 1st Cranial Nerve Department Shinji in Asuka's hospital room (No. 303), Asuka lying in bed -----------------------------------

Background announcement: Sections 2 and 3 of the East Wing will close at 6 p.m. today. Staff are requested to finish all work by 4: 30 p.m.

Shinji: I... I'm scared of both Misato and Ayanami... Help me... Help me, Asuka. Hey... Wake up! Come on... Wake up! Come on... Hey... Asuka... Asuka... ASUKA!! Help me... Help me... Help me... Help me... Help me! Call me an idiot like usual! HEY!!

(Shinji shakes Asuka roughly so that she rolls onto her back... Her hospital gown opens to reveal her naked except for her underwear... Shinji locks the door to the sickroom and his breathing gradually becomes faster and heavier ending with a muffled grunt (off screen). He stares down at the ejaculated fluids covering his right hand.)

I... I'm scum...

----------------------------------- TITLE SCREEN:  Episode 25 - Air -----------------------------------

SCENE:  NERV Command Center- Makoto, Shigeru and Maya talk as they sit in the dark and drink coffee. -----------------------------------

Maya (off screen): What!?  Total prohibition of access to and from Headquarters!?

Makoto (off screen): I guess we're still at First Level Alert...

Maya (off screen): Why?  Wasn't Kaworu* the last angel?  (*Literally: "that boy")

Shigeru: That's right.  All the angels have been destroyed.

Makoto: Isn't there supposed to be peace now?

Maya: Then, what'll happen to NERV? and the Evas? I wish Dr. Akagi was here...

Shigeru: NERV will probably be disbanded, and who knows what'll happen to us.

Makoto (off screen): We'll just have to stick it out until the Instrumentality Project starts.

SCENE:  Misato in her car - turnout overlooking the new lake (Tokyo-3) -----------------------------------

Misato (to herself): Having reached its limit as a colony of flawed and separate entities, Humankind is to be artificially evolved into a perfect single being. The Instrumentality Project... An ideal world... And to achieve this the Committee plans to use not Adam or NERV, but Eva. Just like Kaji predicted.

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths - Gendo and Fuyutsuki -----------------------------------

SEELE 01 (Keel): The promised time has come. With the Lance of Longinus now lost, complementation using Lilith is impossible. Our only hope is to proceed with EVA-01, Lilith's sole clone.

Gendo: While different from SEELE's scenario...

Fuyutsuki: Humans have existed to create Eva.  (ambiguous)

Gendo: Humans should evolve into a new world.  That is the purpose of the Eva series.

SEELE 09: We have no intention of giving up our human forms simply to enter the Ark called Eva.

SEELE 12: It is merely a rite of passage... To bring about the rebirth in those who are imprisoned.

SEELE 05(?): The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth.

SEELE 04(?): A sacrament to unite God, humans, and all other life forms in death.

Gendo: Death gives birth to nothing.

SEELE 01 (Keel): Then death is what you shall have.

(SEELE monoliths disappear)

Fuyutsuki: Humans exist because they have the will to live... And that is the reason she remained within Eva.

SCENE:  Rei lying in bed in her apartment.  She wakes up (looking surprisingly like Yui), looks out the window to see the full moon illuminating the night sky, and leaves.  Gendo's glasses lie twisted and broken on the floor behind her. -----------------------------------

SCENE:  Shinji lying awake in his room with his headphones on The tape counter reads 00:00:00 and the battery indicator flashes empty. -----------------------------------

SCENE:  The new lake (The ruins of Tokyo-3) -----------------------------------

SCENE:  NERV Computer Room Misato hacks into the system using a laptop computer. -----------------------------------

Misato: So, this is the truth behind Second Impact... (Screen flashes and alarm sounds) Have they noticed me!? No, that's not it! It's starting!

SCENE:  NERV Command Center Alarms sound... emergency indicators light... -----------------------------------

NERV operator (background - male): No. 6 net - audio communications severed! Goura ground circuit, inoperative!

Fuyutsuki (to phone): Switch the left side over to blue emergency communications! Use the satellites if you have to!  That's right! What's the situation on the right?

Person on Phone: Negative!  All outgoing network and data lines are being cut off!!

Fuyutsuki: Are they after MAGI?

Shigeru (off screen): Data entry from all external nodes. (on screen) They're hacking the MAGI system!

Fuyutsuki: Just as I thought.  Is it coming from MAGI-2 in Matsushiro (Tokyo-2)?

Shigeru: No, it's at least 5 MAGI type units. Hacking verified from Germany, China, the U.S....

Fuyutsuki: SEELE is mustering all of their forces.  5 to 1 odds... Not good.

Shigeru (off screen): No. 4 firewall breached!

Makoto: Locking the main database... Negative! We can't stop their invasion!

Maya (off screen): It's entering a deeper level! (on screen) Even the back-up circuit can't stop it!

Fuyutsuki (thinking): This is bad... Capture the MAGI system and you capture everything.

SCENE:  Ritsuko in her cell -----------------------------------

Background announcement: General Quarters: Second Level Alert!  Repeat - General Quarters: Second Level Alert!

(Cell door opens)

Background announcement(cont'd): All personnel report to designated posts at once.

Ritsuko: I know... MAGI's self-defense system.

Security staff at door: Yes.  Lt. Ibuki at the No. 2 Command Center has the details.

Ritsuko: Even an abandoned woman has her uses... How egotistical.

SCENE:  Misato approaching Command Center with phone -----------------------------------

Background announcement: Second Level Alert currently in effect!  All B-floor non-combat personnel evacuate at once.

Misato: Status report?

Makoto (on phone): Hyuga here.  Tokyo-2 has just issued Special Order A-801!

Misato: 801?

Makoto (on phone): That's right.  Abolishment of special legal protection for NERV and transfer of all command to the government of Japan.

(Elevator door closes)

(NERV Command Center - Maya and Makoto)

Makoto: It's an ultimatum... Yes, and MAGI is being hacked.  Things aren't looking good.

Maya: Ibuki here. Dr. Akagi has just begun protective countermeasures.

(Misato appears on elevator)

Misato: Ritsuko!?

(Ritsuko inside MAGI)

Ritsuko: (thinking) Am I acting foolish?  Men and women are so illogical... (speaking) Isn't that right?  (reaches up to Casper) Mother...

(NERV Command Center)

NERV operator (male): Goura ground circuit recovery rate up to 0.2%

Misato: How much longer?

NERV operator (female): No. 3 cable, Hakone back-up circuit still inoperative.

Makoto (off screen): We should just make it. Dr. Akagi is amazing, one more minute to the end of page 120... And only two-and-a-half more minutes until deployment of a primary firewall.

Misato (thinking): Just hacking MAGI? They're not going to let us off that easy... probably.

Fuyutsuki: MAGI is only the first skirmish. The bastards' objective is the direct take-over of headquarters and the two remaining Eva units.

Gendo: Yes.  With not only Lilith, but even Adam in our hands....

Fuyutsuki: No wonder the old men are so worried.

(MAGI displays turn green)

Maya: Hacking against MAGI has been stopped. (off screen) A Danang Type-B defense screen has been deployed. External access is impossible for the next 62 hours.

(Ritsuko emerges from MAGI)

Ritsuko: See you in a bit, mother.

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths -----------------------------------

SEELE 06: Ikari has executed a Type-666 protection program on the MAGI system. It won't be easy to breach.

SEELE 07: It appears that we will have to forego acquisition of MAGI.

SEELE 01: I had hoped to solve this peacefully, but that is not possible now. Take over the entire headquarters directly, at once!!

SCENE:  Road by the lake - JSSDF officer with military phone -----------------------------------

JSSDF officer: Commence operations as planned.

(Soldiers pop up... aircraft fly... tanks and missiles fire... all hell breaks loose)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center Alarms sound... Screens go blank... -----------------------------------

NERV operator (female): Radar sites 8 to 17 have gone dead!

Shigeru (off screen): JSSDF tech battalion advancing through Goura defense perimeter!

Makoto (off screen): Two battalions approaching from Gotemba!

NERV operators (background): Three air squadrons confirmed approaching from Mishima. Close down Futagoyama and Komagatake routes at once! Invasion through Goura 2nd defense perimeter point A...  Currently engaging enemy.

Fuyutsuki: It seems that man's ultimate enemy is also man.

Gendo: General quarters.  Go to First Level Battle Stations.

Maya: Battle Stations!? (whispered) But the enemy isn't an Angel... They're human like us.

Makoto (whispered): But they don't think that way.

SCENE:  Outside NERV War scenes... NERV guard stabbed in back... Gates open and alarm sounds -----------------------------------

NERV Soldier: Hey, what's going on? Hello!?

NERV Lieutenant: What's going on?

NERV Soldier: The south hub-station...

(Truck explodes... Black suited troops move in.)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center - More alarms... -----------------------------------

NERV operators (male): Daigatake tunnel cut off! Fire at West No. 5 freight entrance! Invading forces have entered Level 1! (female):  South hub station off-line!

Misato: The forces attacking the west side are a decoy! If their real target is the Evas, they'll be going after the pilots! Have Shinji stand by at EVA-01, quickly!

Makoto: Affirmative!

Misato: Where's Asuka?

Shigeru: In sickroom 303.

(Shot of Asuka lying in bed)

Misato (off screen): Put her into EVA-02 anyway.

Maya: But her synchronization with Eva hasn't recovered yet.

Misato: Yes, but she'll definitely be killed if she stays there. The best place to hide her is inside EVA-02.

Maya: Affirmative! (to headset) Stop medication to pilot.  Prepare for launch!

Misato: As soon as Asuka is inside EVA-02, hide it in the underground lake. It'll be found almost immediately, but it's better than leaving it in the cage. Where's Rei?

Shigeru: Whereabouts unknown...  Unable to locate!

Misato: She'll be killed. Find her, quickly!

(Rei floating in LCL tank)

(EVA-02 launch)

Makoto: EVA-02 launched via No. 8 route. Stabilize at a depth of 70 meters.

Misato: Launch EVA-01 next! Deploy it inside the Geofront!

Shigeru: Negative! The pilot hasn't arrived yet!

Misato: What!? (Shinji verified on monitor screen) Oh, no....!

Background announcement: Closing all Central Dogma barricades up to Level 2. All non-combat personnel, evacuate via route 87.

(Shots of gates and barricades closing throughout NERV)

(NERV Command Center)

Shigeru (off screen): No. 3 underground barricade destroyed!  Enemy Forces invading Level 2!

Fuyutsuki: The JSSDF have committed almost an entire division... It's only a matter of time before they take us over completely.

Gendo: Dr. Fuyutsuki, take care of things here.

Fuyutsuki: I understand.  Give my regards to Yui.

(Shots of fighting and mayhem)

(NERV Command Center)

NERV operators (male): No response from Group 2! Communication with No. 77 Computer Room negative.

Shigeru: No. 52 monorail destroyed!

Background announcement: Explosion confirmed at No. 3 hub-station.  Numerous dead.  Damage unknown.

Makoto: This is terrible.  Even Angels would be better.

Misato (thinking): It's no surprise... We're not used to killing other humans.

(More shots of death and destruction- female NERV officer drags the body of her comrade down a passage way, only to be struck down by a barrage of bullets from an invading JSSDF soldier)

JSSDF officer: Cut the cables starting with the red ones...

(NERV Command Center)

NERV operator (male): Level 3 Block B invaded!  Defense impossible!

Shigeru (off screen): Enemy also confirmed in Block F!  Main Bypass under crossfire!

Misato: Abandon Levels 1 to 3!  Combat teams, retreat! Release Bakelite into all passages and pipes up to Section 803!

Shigeru: Affirmative!

(Shot of Bakelite being released)

Background announcement: Commence Bakelite injection from Section 703.  30 seconds to completion. Commence Bakelite injection from Section 737.  30 seconds to completion... (continues)

Misato: This should slow them down a bit.

Makoto: Major Katsuragi!  No. 47 route has been cut off... Group 3 is unable to advance! If this continues Shinji will be...!

(Shot of Shinji hiding)

(NERV Command Center)

Misato (off screen): All non-combat personnel avoid close combat. (Misato takes out and loads her pistol) (on screen) The enemy are professionals... If you can't fall back to the Dogma, it's better to surrender. (whispered to Makoto) Sorry, take care of things here.

Makoto: Sure.

SCENE: Outside NERV -----------------------------------

Background: Mt. Futagoyama under control - Seal off Nagao Pass at once! *afirmitive* Visual confirmation of No. 1 Command Center explosion...

JSSDF Division Commander: This is more difficult than expected.

Sub Commander: We never get the easy jobs.

SCENE: NERV Command Center Makoto and Shigeru take out and ready small arms. -----------------------------------

Makoto: This is bad... We were never equipped with full-scale anti-personnel defense systems.

Shigeru: Yeah.  Only counter-terrorist measures at best.

Makoto: If the JSSDF mounts a serious attack, we don't stand a chance.

Shigeru: Come to think of it, the reductions in funding for anti-personnel defense measures probably had this in mind from the beginning.

Makoto: That's entirely possible...

(Explosion in Command Center... Attacking forces move in...)

Background: No. 2 Command Center - Invaders on lower left floor.

Shigeru: (Handing pistol to Maya) Release the safety.

Maya: I... I can't shoot.

Shigeru: Of course you can! Just pretend this is training!

Maya: But I wasn't shooting at people, then!

Shigeru: Idiot! Shoot, or we're going to die!

----------------------------------- TITLE SCREEN - THE END OF EVANGELION EPISODE 25' -  Love is destructive -----------------------------------

SCENE:  Rei, staring into the tank containing the remains of her destroyed counterparts -----------------------------------

Gendo (off screen): Rei... I thought you'd be here. (on screen) The promised time has come. Let's go.

SCENE:  Dead NERV personnel litter the passageway -----------------------------------

1st soldier (off screen): Level 2 completely secured, over.

2nd soldier (on radio): No. 2 Command Center - Still unable to secure original MAGI system. Currently engaging enemy on lower left floor.

JSSDF officer (on radio): Commence heat dissipation procedures on the fifth Malbolgia at once.

(NERV officer raises arms in surrender - JSSDF officer fires a round into his head, places his foot on the body, and fires two more shots.)

JSSDF officer (female): Eva pilots are to be terminated on sight. Unconditional execution of non-combat personnel authorized.

JSSDF officer (on radio): Yanagihara and Shinjo squads, enter lower levels immediately.

(Shinji hiding... and found by three JSSDF soldiers)

Soldier: 3rd pilot found - will proceed to eliminate. (Places barrel of gun against Shinji's forehead) Nothing personal, kid.

(Misato charges in firing to the rescue)

Misato (cynically): Nothing personal here either... (Shoots soldier) Come on...  Let's get to EVA-01.

SCENE:  Misato and Shinji in parking lot- Misato listening to enemy movements on a dead soldier's radio -----------------------------------

JSSDF radio: Yamagishi squad at No. 7 cage, report your status, over. Purple unit secured. No problems with Bakelite infusion. Red unit appears to have been launched... Currently searching for launch route used.

Misato: Damn!  They're trying to prevent physical contact between Shinji and EVA-01. There's no time to lose... Quick, Shinji... (pause)  Do you want to run away, or go to Eva? - Pick one! (Shinji says nothing) -If we stay here we'll die for nothing!

Shinji (whispering): Help me, Asuka... Help me...

Misato (exasperated): Hiding behind a girl at a time like this!? Running from reality... Lying to yourself!? Doing things half-assed is the worst thing you can do! So, stand up!  Stand up!!

Shinji (whispering): No... Let me die.  I don't want to do anything.

Misato (angry): Stop talking like a spoiled brat! You're still alive, aren't you? So, do all you can to keep yourself alive, and then die afterwards!

SCENE:  NERV Command Center The battle continues... -----------------------------------

Fuyutsuki: Forget about here!  Give top priority to isolating the Terminal Dogma!

Makoto: Everything else has been destroyed... Why don't they just blow up the Command Center, too?

Shigeru: I'm sure they'd like to take us out in a single blow, but the original MAGI system is right below us.

Makoto: They want the MAGI system intact, huh?

Shigeru: But we're defenseless against BC (biological and chemical) weaponry. If they use those, we're in trouble.

Makoto: N2 weapons, too...

(As if by coincidence, an N2 warhead drops, opening up the Geofront)

Shigeru: Speak of the devil!

Makoto: Isn't that a bit extreme!?

Fuyutsuki (smirking): Playing a bit rough, aren't we?

(Numerous missiles strike the Geofront directly)

Maya: Why do they want the Evas so badly!?

SCENE:  Misato and Shinji in Misato's car - Scrapped Eva prototypes. -----------------------------------

Misato: They plan to initiate Third Impact - not with Angels, but by using the Eva series. 15 years ago, Second Impact was caused by humans on purpose. (Flashed shot: Second Impact) But that was in order to minimize the damage by returning Adam (flashed image: Giant of Light) to an embryonic state (flashed image: Embryo in attache case)  before the other Angels awoke. (flashed image: graves) Shinji, we humans were born from a being called Lilith, who is the source of life just like Adam.  We are the 18th Angel. (flashed image: DNA) The other Angels are possibilities of what we might have become - humans that gave up human form. (flashed image: Kaworu - Rei) Sadly, we had to reject each other - even though we're all human... Listen, Shinji... You must destroy all of the Eva series.  It's the only way to stay alive.

SCENE:  Office of the Prime Minister of Japan (Sounds of construction in the background) -----------------------------------

Prime Minister: The phone lines have gone dead.

(Screen text:  Nagano Prefecture, New Tokyo-2 Prime Minister's Residence, No. 3 State Office)

Secretary: Yes, sir.  Ballistic warhead impact was confirmed three minutes ago.

Prime Minister: The Instrumentality Project that NERV was secretly researching... Initiating Third Impact to annihilate mankind... The mere thought sends shivers down my spine.

Secretary: Humans must be the only creatures able to despise their own kind.

Prime Minister: All that's left is to take care of the NERV headquarters facilities.

Secretary: Do you want Germany or China to undertake the re-development?

Prime Minister: No - We won't be taken advantage of. Seal it up for 20 years, just like old Tokyo.

SCENE:  Outside in the Geofront. -----------------------------------

1st soldier (on radio): Surface heat receding. High-pressure steam discharges have also subsided.

2nd soldier (on radio): Initial location of all units completed.

JSSDF Sub Commander:: Dogma Level 3 and the purple unit have been secured.

JSSDF Commander:: And the red unit?

Intelligence officer: Found in the underground lake at a depth of 70 meters.  The pilot's status is unknown.

SCENE:  Asuka curled up in the fetal position inside EVA-02 Entry Plug -----------------------------------

Asuka: ...I'm alive...

(Shots of depth charges firing and exploding around EVA-02)

Asuka: (Whispered at first then repeated growing louder and stronger) I don't want to die... I don't want to die... I don't want to die...

(Another voice mixes with Asuka's)

I don't want to die... (You're still alive) I don't want to die... (You mustn't die yet) I don't want to die... (You must live) I don't want to die... (I won't let you die) I don't want to die... (Don't kill me) I don't want to die... (You're still alive) I don't want to die... (I won't let you die yet) I don't want to die... (You must keep living) I don't want to die... (Die for me!) I don't want to die... (You mustn't die yet!) I don't want to die... (Die!) I don't want to die... (You're alive!) I don't want to die... I don't want to DIE!!

(Flashback to Asuka as a child with mother)

Child-Asuka: Mama... So this is where you've been?  Mama!

(Asuka clasps her mother's hand and EVA-02 awakens.)

SCENE:  Geofront lake -> Giant cross-shaped explosion -----------------------------------

1st soldier: What the!?

2nd soldier: Did we get it!?

(EVA-02 emerges and starts fighting)

Asuka (thinking): Mama... Mama! I understand now... The meaning of the AT Field. It's always protecting me!  Always watching over me! (speaking) Always... always together! Mama!

(Misato and Shinji in Misato's car)

Maya (on radio): EVA-02 has activated! Asuka's okay!  She's alive!

Misato: Asuka!?

(Asuka fighting)

JSSDF officer: The cable!  That thing's power cable! Concentrate all fire power on the cable!

(Cable is severed)

Asuka: Shit!! Even without the cable... I still have 12,000 plates of special armor... and my AT Field! I can't lose! Not against you!!

(JSSDF forces are easily beaten by Eva-02 and Asuka)

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths -----------------------------------

SEELE 01: The loathsome Evangelion... Do they stand in our way yet again? It seems that one must fight fire with fire.

SCENE: EVA-05 to -13 released -> Asuka -----------------------------------

Asuka: The Eva series!? They've been completed?

(NERV Command Center)

Fuyutsuki: Deployment of all nine units equipped with the S2 system!? Isn't that a bit excessive? Or, do they plan to initiate it here!!?

(Eva series land)

Misato (on phone): Listen Asuka. You must destroy all of the EVA series. I'll have Shinji there to help assist you soon.  Do your best. (changes lines - to Makoto) We can get to EVA-01 via emergency route No. 20, right?

Makoto (on phone): Affirmative.  We've secured three seperate power sources just in case. As long as you enter within three minutes, you can reach the No. 7 cage directly.

(Misato starts dragging Shinji)

(Asuka in EVA-02)

Asuka: I have to destroy them all? Is she forgetting she's talking to a convalescent? Nine units in three and a half minutes... That works out to only 20 seconds apiece!

(Asuka attacks)

Asuka: Erst! (German: "That's one!")

SCENE:  Misato and Shinji - Emergency Elevator R-10-20 -----------------------------------

Misato: Here it is.

(Shots fire... Misato is hit, but they enter the shaft and the door closes)

1st soldier: They got away...

2nd soldier (to radio): Unable to terminate target. Standing by for orders to pursue...

JSSDF officer (on radio): Negative.  That area is scheduled for demolition. Pull back immediately.

2nd soldier: Yes, sir.

(Misato and Shinji in passageway)

Misato (slumped against wall - labored breathing): Th... That should hold them off... for a while. I'm okay... It's not as serious... as it looks. (staggers to feet and opens gate) There's still power - We can make it.

(Misato pins Shinji against gate)

-Shinji... from here out you're on your own. You have to make the decisions by yourself - without anyone's help.

Shinji: I... I can't do it.  I just can't... I can't pilot Eva if it means I'm going to hurt or even kill other people. I have no right to do that. I thought that piloting Eva was my only choice... But I was just fooling myself. I don't understand anything - I'm not worthy to pilot Eva. There's nothing that I can do for other people! I've done terrible things to Asuka, and even killed Kaworu... There isn't a shred of kindness in me! Only dishonesty and cowardice... If I can only hurt people, then I'd rather not do anything at all!

Misato (angrily): I'm not going to feel sorry for you. If you don't want to be hurt, then just die without doing anything at all!

(Shinji starts crying)

-Crying won't help you now!

(Misato's tone becomes gentler)

-You hate yourself, right? That's why you hurt other people... Because you know that hurting other people is more painful than hurting yourself. But, no matter what happens, remember that it was your decision. And that makes it worthwhile, Shinji - Because you decided by yourself! So stop lying to yourself... Think about what you can do... And then live with your decisions.

Shinji: But you're... you're not me! You don't understand anything about ME!!

(Misato slams Shinji against the gate)

Misato (harshly): So what if I'm not you!? Are you just going to give up now!? If you stay here and do nothing, I won't forgive you! I'll NEVER forgive you!!

(Misato's tone changes to desperation)

-Nobody's perfect. You realize that you've made a mistake, and then regret it... That's all I've ever known. Nothing but empty happiness and hating myself. But... I feel like I always grew from the experience!

Misato (gently): Listen, Shinji. Pilot Eva once more and find yourself. Pilot Eva to face the questions "Why did you come here?" "Why are you here?" Find your own answers. And then... after finding yourself... come back to me.

(Misato places her cross in Shinji's hand)

Misato: It's a promise. Now, go.

(Misato kisses Shinji deeply)

Misato(sultry voice): That's a grownup kiss. We'll do the rest when you get back...

(Misato pushes the stunned Shinji into the elevator and then collapses)

Misato (weakly): If I knew it would end this way... I would've done like Asuka said... And changed the carpet... Right, Pen-pen? Kaji... did I do all right?

(A ghostly Rei stands above Misato, then an explosion -> Shinji crying in elevator.  Looking at Misato's blood spattered cross and tasting her blood in his mouth, Shinji slides into the corner, sobbing.)

SCENE:  Asuka fighting Eva series -----------------------------------

(Shinji standing in front of EVA-01 encased in solidified Bakelite)

Asuka (on speaker): Jeeez!  Don't they ever stop!? And I can't even count on that idiot Shinji!!

SCENE:  Terminal Dogma - Gendo, Rei and Lilith - Ritsuko sitting at edge of LCL pool -----------------------------------

Ritsuko: I've been waiting for you.

(Ritsuko stands and draws a gun... Asuka fighting... Back to Ritsuko)

Ritsuko: I'm sorry... I secretly altered MAGI's program earlier. A daughter's final request... Mother... die with me.

(Ritsuko presses something in her pocket, but nothing happens.)

Ritsuko: It didn't activate?  Why!? (Pulls portable terminal from pocket - Casper-3: Rejected)

(gasp) Betrayed by Casper! How could you, Mother?  Choosing your man over your own daughter...

(Gendo draws his gun)

Gendo: Ritsuko Akagi, I truly... (Gendo's lips move, but you can't hear him.)

Ritsuko (surprised, but then smiles): ... Liar....

(Gendo shoots Ritsuko, who falls back into the pool of LCL before a ghostly Rei.)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center The battle rages on - Maya monitors EVA-02 via laptop computer -----------------------------------

Makoto: What's happening outside?

Maya: Less than a minute before EVA-02 reaches its operational limit! At this rate, Asuka will...!

(Asuka fighting the Eva series)

Asuka: I can't lose!

(Shinji sitting in front of EVA-01)

Asuka (on speaker): Not with Mama watching me!

Shinji: Mama... Mother?

(Back to Asuka fighting)

Asuka: These are the last ones!

(As Asuka finishes off the last Evas, one of the Eva series' swords comes flying at her... She stops it with her AT Field, but it turns into the Lance of Longinus)

Asuka: The Lance of Longinus!?

(The Lance pierces the AT Field, then EVA-02's head... Asuka shrieks and EVA-02 powers down... Asuka clutches futilely at the controls)

(NERV Command Center)

Maya: Internal power source depleted... Operational limit reached.  EVA-02... down. What!?  The destroyed... Eva series!?

(Eva series reactivates)

Maya: The Eva series have reactivated!

Shigeru: Are they're going to finish her off!?

(Eva series flock over EVA-02  and rip it apart like carrion birds)

Makoto: What's happening?

Maya: (gagging)  I can't look!  I... I can't watch anymore!

(Maya's laptop shows EVA-02's body display blanking out piece by piece.)

Makoto: This is...?  EVA-02!?

(Geofront, where EVA-02 is being ripped apart)

Asuka (snarling): I'll kill you... Kill... kill... kill you... Kill... I'll kill you... I'll kill you all... (repeated)

(EVA-02 attempts to reactivate)

(NERV Command Center)

Makoto: Berserker?

Maya: Asuka!  Stop!!

Asuka: Kill you all... I'll kill you... I'll kill you all... (repeated)

(Asuka's arm splits in two as a Lance of Longinus splits EVA-02's arm - Eva series impale EVA-02 with their lances)

(Maya gasps - Shinji sitting in front of EVA-01)

Maya (on speaker - screaming): Shinji!!  EVA-02!  Asuka!  Asuka... she's...!

Shinji: But I can't pilot Eva...  There's nothing I can do...

(EVA-01 breaks free from the Bakelite and clutches at Shinji)

Shinji: Mother!?

(Terminal Dogma - Rei and Gendo)

Gendo: Has EVA-01 finally awakened?

(NERV headquarters pyramid explodes upwards in a giant cross which turns into wings - EVA-01  appears howling in the Geofront with a demon's face and a set of wings)

JSSDF Sub Commander: Evangelion Unit One?

JSSDF Commander: It's the devil himself!!

(Shinji subdued inside EVA-01 entry plug)

Shinji: Asuka...

(Shinji sees the mangled remains of EVA-02 and screams)

Shinji: AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

(Screen text:  To be continued )

-Episode 25 End Credits spiraling in helix with end theme, Thanatos: If I Can't Be Yours)

The End of Evangelion Episode 26:  Sincerely Yours/I need you. :Translated Script

Screen text: I wish to express my deepest thanks to all the staff, cast, friends and especially the five young ladies who helped to bring this picture to its conclusion once again.

                                                                   Thank you,                                                                           Hideaki Anno

Red Cross w/ black text- THE END OF EVANGELION ----------------------------------- SCENE:  Terminal Dogma - Gendo and Rei before Lilith -----------------------------------

Gendo: Adam and I are now as one... For this is the only way to be with Yui again. The forbidden joining of Adam and Lilith.

(Rei's arm falls off)

There's no time... Your AT Field can no longer hold your shape. Let's begin, Rei. Release your AT Field, the barrier of your heart. Complement your imperfect heart, leave your useless body... Merge all souls into one. And then, take me to Yui's side.

(Gendo places his hand on Rei's left breast and begins to merge with her)

(Rei cringes as waves of pleasure course through her body, a small gasp escapes her lips.)

----------------------------------- TITLE SCREEN: Episode 26 - Sincerely Yours  (My Pure Heart For You) -----------------------------------

(EVA-01 in Geofront - Shinji subdued inside EVA-01 entry plug)

Shinji: Asuka...

(Shinji sees the mangled remains of EVA-02 and screams)

Shinji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Terminal Dogma - Gendo and Rei)

Rei (startled = unspoken): Ikari...!

(EVA-01 bursts free of its restraining plates and its wings form into a cross)

(The Lance of Longinus pulls free of the moon and flies toward earth as if drawn by EVA-01)

JSSDF Intelligence Officer: Unidentified object approaching at high-speed from the outer atmosphere.

JSSDF Commander: What!?

(NERV Command Center)

Fuyutsuki: No!... Not the Lance of Longinus!?

(The Lance of Longinus stops just short of EVA-01's throat.)

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths -----------------------------------

SEELE 01: At long last our hopes are to be realized.

SEELE 04: The original Lance of Longinus has returned as well.

SEELE 09: While somewhat fewer than planned, it will have to do.

ALL (chanting): Return the Eva series to its rightful form. Evangelize humankind and restore us to our true form. With indiscriminate death and prayers, we return to our original state.

SEELE 01: And let all souls find peace. Now, let the sacrament begin!

(EVA-01 is crucified by the Eva series and lifted upwards)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center -----------------------------------

Makoto: EVA-01 has been captured!

Shigeru: Altitude 12,000 meters! ...and rising!

Fuyutsuki: SEELE bastards...  Do they plan to use EVA-01 as the well of souls!? ¹

(Eva series release EVA-01... Shinji in entry plug with marks on palms)

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths -----------------------------------

SEELE 09?: EVA-01 has been marked with the stigmata (sacred insignia).

All (chanting): To restore the Tree of Life!

SEELE 01: Our servants, the Eva series...

(Keel appears) Their existence has all been for this one moment.

(Eva series move to the positions of the Sephroticum and shine in circles around the cross of EVA-01)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center) -----------------------------------

Shigeru (off screen): The Eva series have opened up their S2 systems!

Makoto (off screen): Dimensional values inverting!  They're going negative! Measurement impossible... Numerical expression invalid!

Fuyutsuki: An anti-AT Field...

(Eva series form into the Sephiroticum (Tree of Life))

Maya: All the data are just like 15 years ago! Then... this really is... The prelude to Third Impact!

SCENE:  Outside NERV -----------------------------------

1st soldier: S2 system level critical!

Background: Abort operations!  All units pull back at once!

2nd soldier: We... We can't maintain molecular attraction any longer!

JSSDF Commander: Mission... failed...

(A massive explosion envelopes the Geofront)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center shaking from the force of the explosion -----------------------------------

Shigeru: Direct impact!  Surface layers melting!

Makoto: Second wave excavating the headquarters periphery!  It's exposing the outer hull!

Background: Main JSSDF force annihilated!

Fuyutsuki: They're just physical shock waves! Set the absorbers to maximum level - It should hold!

(The explosion expands outward from the Geofront, revealing the egg of Lilith: the Black Moon)

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths -----------------------------------

SEELE 08/09: With the Purification of the Red Earth... That bespeaks time eternal...

SEELE 11: First, return the Geofront...

Keel: To its true form.

(Pull-back shot of the Earth and Lilith's Egg)

Fuyutsuki (off screen): The egg of Lilith... the genesis of human life... the Black Moon... We have no desire to return to that empty shell, (on screen) But even that depends on the will of Lilith.

SCENE:  Terminal Dogma -----------------------------------

Gendo: It seems to have begun... Rei, take me to Yui's side.

(Rei's abdomen tightens around Gendo's hand)

Gendo: What!?

(Rei absorbs Adam's embryo along with Gendo's right arm, and rejects Gendo)

Rei: I'm not your doll.

Gendo: Why!?

Rei: Because I'm not you.

(Rei's arm reforms)

Gendo (strained): Rei...! Please! Wait... Rei!

Rei: No.  Ikari is calling me.

Gendo: Rei!

(Rei ascends to Lilith)

Rei: I'm home...

(Screen text:  Welcome back.)

(Rei is absorbed into Lilith... Lilith's heart starts beating... Her legs reform and she descends from the cross... The mask of SEELE falls off and Lillith takes Rei's form)

Gendo: Rei...

SCENE:  NERV Command Center -----------------------------------

Shigeru: Unidentified high-energy source approaching rapidly from Terminal Dogma!

Makoto: AT Field verified!  Analysis pattern blue!!

Maya: It's not... an Angel!?

Makoto: No!  It's... a person!?  It's human!

(Lilith-Rei rises through the Command Center... Lilith-Rei's hand passes through Maya, who shrieks in terror)

(Shinji inside the suspended EVA-01)

Shinji: Damn... Damn... Damn... Damn!

(Lilith-Rei appears)

Shinji: Ayanami...?  Rei...!?

(Shinji screams as Lilith-Rei focuses on EVA-01 and cups it in her hands)

Shinji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!!

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths -----------------------------------

All (chanting): Evangelion Unit 01's pilot... Complement humankind with your imperfect ego.

Keel: The moment of the Third Retribution has come.

(Eva series form into pattern)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center -----------------------------------

Shigeru: The Eva series' AT Fields are resonating!

Makoto: And amplifying further!

Fuyutsuki: Has the assimilation with Rei begun?

(Eva series take Rei's laughing faces... Shinji/EVA-01 scream and EVA-01's core is exposed... Shinji clutches futilely at the controls)

Shinji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ASUKA!!! AHHHHHH!!!

Shigeru: Psychograph signal down!

Makoto: Destrado² materializing!

Fuyutsuki: Surely the pilot's ego can't take much more...

SCENE:  Shinji, curled into a ball within Eva-01's entry plug -----------------------------------

Shinji (whimpering): No... No... No... No... No... No...!

Kaworu (off screen): Do you want it to stop?

(Lilith-Kaworu appears)

Shinji: Is that where you've been?  Kaworu?

(Shinji resigns himself to Kaworu's outstretched hands... The Lance of Longinus approaches EVA-01's core)

SCENE:  NERV Command Center -----------------------------------

Shigeru: Solenoid graph inverting!  ego barrier weakening!

Makoto: AT Field shifting to pattern red!

Fuyutsuki: The Fruit of Life possessed by Angels, And the Fruit of Wisdom possessed by humans...

(The Lance penetrates the core and merges with EVA-01 into the Tree of Life)

Fuyutsuki (off screen): Having obtained them both, EVA-01 has become like a God. And now it has been restored to the propagule of souls... the Tree of Life. Will it become the Ark to save humankind from the nothingness of Third Impact? Or the demon that destroys us all? Our future lies in the hands of Ikari's son.

Maya (clutching at Shigeru's sleeve): Did... Did we do the right thing?

Shigeru: How should I know!?

(Lilith-Kaworu transforms into Lilith-Rei with hands cupped around EVA-01)

Yui (voice): This Rei is your heart... Your very hopes and dreams...

Rei (voice): What do you wish for?

SCENE:  Inside Shinji's Mind (In a park - Shinji as a child) -----------------------------------

Shinji (voice): I see... It's just like when I started the cello. I thought that if I came here, I could find something...

Child A: Come on, Shinji!

Child B: Let's build a castle!

Child-Shinji (smiling): Okay.

Child A: Oh, here comes Mama!

Child B: We have to go home now!

Child A: Bye-bye!

Child A and B (laughing): Mama... Mama!

(Shinji builds a pyramid (NERV headquarters) alone, and then destroys it... Crying, he starts to build again)

(Random thought sequence - inside Shinji's mind)

Asuka: Jeeez!  I get so pissed off whenever I look at you!

Shinji: Because I'm like you...?

Child-Asuka (crying): Mama!

Asuka (sleep-talking): Ma... ma...

Shinji (staring at Misato's cross): Mama...?

Misato (voice): I wasn't able to become Shinji's mother after all...

(Kaji's and Misato's college apartment)

Misato: Mmmm, let's do it.

Kaji: Again?  Aren't you supposed to meet your friend at school today?

Misato: Hmm?  Oh yeah, Ritsuko.  It's okay, we still have time...

Kaji: We've been cooped up here for a week now...

Misato: Yeah, but I think I'm getting the hang of it... so come on...

(The lovemaking begins and continues in the background)

Misato: I probably just did this to prove that I existed.

Asuka: How idiotic!  It's just two lonely adults comforting each other.

Ritsuko (precisely): We want to feel needed, even if it's only physical.

Misato: I feel wanted, and that makes me happy.

Asuka: It's just an easy way for you feel that you're worth something.

Shinji (disgusted = thinking): This is Misato?  She does... this?

Misato: Yes, this is also me... The melting into one another's hearts... The me that Shinji doesn't know. Reality does involve pain, but you just have to accept it.

Asuka: Aaahh... I wonder if I'll act like Misato when I grow up?

(Shinji and Asuka in Misato's apartment)

Asuka: Say... wanna kiss?..

Misato: You mustn't!

Asuka: Or are you afraid?

Misato: It's not something kids should do.

Asuka: Okay, here goes...

Asuka: You don't understand anything!  Stay away from me!

Shinji: (Hand twitching) ... I do understand.

Asuka: No you don't, you IDIOT! (Asuka kicks Shinji - Shinji's hand convulses) You really think you understand me!?  You think that you can help me? That is so ARROGANT!  You couldn't possibly understand me!!

Shinji: How can I understand... If you don't say anything? You don't say anything... You don't talk to me... How can I understand you?  It's IMPOSSIBLE!!

Rei: Ikari, did you try to understand?

Shinji (sulking): I tried...

(blue image of Shinji in Asuka's sickroom from 'Air')

Asuka: Idiot!  I 'know' about your jerk-off fantasies of me. Do it again like usual...  I'll even stand here and watch.

(Rei, Asuka and Shinji inside an empty train - Asuka standing over Shinji)

Asuka: If you can't be all mine, then I don't need you!

Shinji: Then, be nice to me...

Asuka/Misato/Rei: We are nice to you.

Shinji: LIARS!!  You're all just hiding behind a smile! You just want to keep things ambiguous!

Rei: Because the truth hurts us all... Because it's very, very distressing.

Shinji: But ambiguity only makes me insecure.³

Rei: That's just an excuse...

Shinji: But it makes me afraid...  Afraid that I won't be needed again someday. It makes me uneasy!  It worries me!  Let me hear your voice! Interact with me!! Care about me!!!

(Shinji and Asuka in Misato's apartment - Asuka sitting dejectedly at table)

Shinji: I want to help you in some way... and to be with you forever.

Asuka: Then, don't do anything. Don't come near me anymore... Because all you ever do is hurt me.

Shinji: Asuka, help me!  You're... you're the only one that can!

Asuka: Liar... (Shinji cringes) To you, anybody will do! (Asuka gets up from table and backs Shinji up against the wall) You're afraid of Misato and the First... and of your mother and father, too!

Shinji: Asuka...

Asuka(cont'd): You're only using me as an escape - because that's the easiest way not to get hurt!

Shinji: Asuka, help me!

Asuka: Because that's the easiest way not to get hurt!

Shinji (desperately): Please, help me!

Asuka (angrily): You've never really liked anyone!

(Asuka shoves Shinji, who crumples to the floor, taking the coffee pot with him)

Asuka (angrily): You're all you have!  But you've never even learned to like yourself!! (staring disdainfully down at Shinji lying helplessly amidst the spilt coffee) How pathetic...

Shinji (weakly - getting to his feet): Help me... Somebody... Somebody help me... Help me... Help me... Me... Help ME!! (throws the table aside) Don't leave me alone!  Don't abandon me!  Don't kill me! (picks up a chair and throws it at Asuka's feet)

Asuka (coldly): ... No...

(Shinji strangles Asuka - Komm Susser Tod (Come Sweet Death) begins to play)

SCENE:  Third Impact (Psychological scene - Flashing, random shots: crayon drawings of death, fish in a bucket under the sun, a dog lying dead on a street, fish head in a jar...) (Flashing screen text: "Evangelism", "Dead Sea Scrolls", "Shito", Various episode titles from the TV series, etc.) -----------------------------------

Shinji: Nobody understands me.

Rei: You didn't understand anything.

Shinji: I thought it was supposed to be a world without unpleasantness... without uncertainity.

Rei: Because you thought that everyone else was like you.

Shinji: Betrayed!  You've betrayed my feelings!!

Rei: You've misunderstood from the start.  You simply assumed without asking.

Shinji: Nobody wants me.  So, everybody just die.

Rei: Then, what are those hands for?

Shinji: Nobody cares whether I exist or not... Nothing will change. So, everybody just die.

Rei: Then, what is that heart for?

Shinji: It'd be better if I wasn't here either.  So I should just die, too.

Rei: Then, why are you here?

(Shinji as a child, crying with a large travel bag next to him)

Shinji: Is it okay for me to be here?

(Screen text:  "Silence")

Shinji (screaming): NOOOOOOOOOOO!!

----------------------------------- SCENE:  NERV Command Center -----------------------------------

Makoto: Pilot's response has infinitely approached zero!

Shigeru: Eva series and Geofront passing through the E layer!  -And still rising!

(Shot of Black Moon rising)

MAGI announcement: Current altitude 220,000 km.  Entering F layer.

Makoto: All Eva units - still active!

Shigeru: The Anti-AT Field from Lilith... it's expanding further!  It's materializing!

(The earth's surface under the Black Moon turns white spreading outwards and Lilith-Rei emerges, cupping the Black Moon in her hands)

Makoto: Anti-AT Field critical limit exceeded!

Shigeru: No...!  If this continues, individual life-forms will be unable to maintain their separate entities!

(Lilith-Rei spreads her wings)

Fuyutsuki: The Chamber of Guf (Hall of Souls) has been unsealed... Has the door to the world's beginning and end finally opened?

(Souls begin to gather around the Black Moon)

(Countless Reis begin to turn people into LCL)

Rei(s): The world is overflowing with sadness. People are surrounded by emptiness... And loneliness has filled their hearts.

(In the Command Center, Makoto is dissolved into LCL by a smiling apparition of Misato... Shigeru dissolves while cowering under the console trying to escape from multiple Reis)

Fuyutsuki (smiling at Yui floating above him like an angel): Ikari, did you finally meet Yui, too?  (dissolves into LCL)

Maya (hands trembling over keyboard): AT Fields... Everyone's AT Fields are disappearing. Is this the answer?  Is this what I was searching for? (Ritsuko appears- quickly types on Maya's laptop) (gasp) Dr. Akagi...!?

Ritsuko: Maya...

Maya: Ritsuko!  Ritsuko!  Ritsuko!  Ritsuko!  Ahh!

(Maya dissolves into LCL - as her dismembered hand flies across the screen, the words "I need you." are visible on the PC display)

SCENE:  SEELE monoliths vanish one after another -----------------------------------

SEELE 01: The beginning and the end are as one. Good... Everything is as it should be...

(Keel appears... and then dissolves into LCL, leaving behind the mechanical remains of his lower body)

SCENE:  Gendo lying on floor in Terminal Dogma -----------------------------------

Gendo: I've been waiting for this moment for so long... To finally be with you again, Yui. When I'm with Shinji, I only hurt him.  So, it's better that I do nothing.

Yui: So, you were afraid of Shinji.

Gendo: I don't believe that I can be loved by others... I'm not worthy of love.

Kaworu: You're just running away.  You simply reject the world before you get hurt.

Yui: Afraid of the shapeless, invisible barriers that separate people...

Rei: You just closed your heart to others.

Gendo: So, this is my retribution.  Forgive me... Shinji.

(Demon-like EVA-01 bites Gendo in half... Rei II picks up Gendo's fallen glasses. The three clones of Rei stand together.)

(Eva series impale their cores on the Lance replicas with gasps of ecstasy... Countless crosses spring up as a red wave speeds across the earth's surface... Souls flow from the Earth to the Black Moon and then into Lilith-Rei's hands... An eye appears in Lilith-Rei's forehead into which the EVA-01/Lance cross plunges itself and disappears...)

SCENE:  Inside Lilith-Rei - Shinji hears laughing voices and sees countless spirit-Reis flowing towards a red core -----------------------------------

Shinji: (gasp)Ayanami... Rei?

(Inside Shinji's mind - Flashing psychological scenes)

Random voices (Asuka, Misato, etc.): I hate you.  I wouldn't be caught dead with you!  Don't get me wrong... Do you really think I could ever like you?  You have nothing to do with my life anymore.  Get away from me!  ... and don't call me anymore! Stubborn bastard...  Don't follow me around anymore.  Your type makes me sick!  I'm sorry...  (laughter)  We're nothing more than friends. Annoying bastard...  Why don't you learn to give up?  There's no way I'd ever go back to you.  I HATE YOU!  Go away!  (laughter)  It'd be better if you'd never been born.  Dammit, get away from me!  I hate you! You're a pain in the ass!  (laughter)

(Asuka's voice) Wimp...

(Shinji, lying on his back)

Misato (over Shinji): If it's that painful, you can stop.

Rei (over Shinji): If you really don't like it, you can run away.

Misato (voice): Do you want to be at ease?  To feel at peace? Do you want to become one with me? To have our bodies and souls... become one.

Asuka (voice): But, if I have to be with you, I'd rather die!

(Empty theater - Jesus Bleibet Meine Freude (Jesus, Joy of Man's Desiring) begins to play... Real-life scenes of urban Tokyo)

Shinji (voice): Hey...

Misato (voice): What?

Shinji (voice): What are dreams?

Misato (voice): Dreams?

Rei: Yes, dreams.

(Packed theater)

(Screen text:  Do you feel good?)

(Three girls standing still in crowd)

Shinji (voice): I don't understand... I don't really understand reality.

Rei (voice): So, you can't understand the gap between other's reality and your own truth.

Shinji (voice): I don't know where to find happiness.

Rei (voice): So, you can only find happiness in your dreams.

(Crowded street- camera focuses on three individuals; dressed as Misato, Rei, and Asuka)

Shinji (voice): Then, this isn't reality... Because no one is here.

Rei (voice): Yes, it's a dream.

Shinji (voice): So, I'm not here either.

Rei (voice): You were trying to remake reality with convenient fantasies.

Shinji (voice): Is that wrong?

Rei (voice): You were using fabrications to escape from reality.

Shinji (voice): Can't I dream alone?

Rei (voice): That would not be a dream.  It would just be compensating for reality.

(Packed theater -> empty theater)

Shinji (voice): Then... where is my dream?

Rei (voice): It is the continuation of reality.

Shinji (voice): Where is... my reality?

Rei (voice): It is at the end of your dream.

(Flashing Japanese text and images)

SCENE:  Blood/LCL gushes from Lilith-Rei's neck as she leans backwards Shinji and Rei merged together in the sea of LCL -----------------------------------

Shinji: Ayanami... where are we?

Rei: This is the sea of LCL... The primordial soup of life. A world without AT Fields... without your own shape. An ambiguous world where it is impossible to tell where you end and other people start. A fragile world where you exist everywhere, and thus exist nowhere.

Shinji: Have I died?

Rei: No, everything has just been joined into one. This is the world you have been hoping for... your world.

Shinji (releasing Misato's cross from his left hand): But... this isn't right.  I don't think this is right.

Rei: If you wish once more for the existence of others, the barriers of the heart will separate everyone once more... And the fear of other people will begin again.

Shinji: That's all right... (disengages Rei from him and clasps her hand) Thank you.

(Shinji and Rei, Shinji's head lying in Rei's lap)

Shinji: I feel that there were only hateful things there. So I'm sure it was okay to run away. But there was nothing good in the place I ran to, either. After all, I didn't exist there... which is the same as no one existing.

Kaworu: Is it okay for AT Fields to hurt you and others once more?

Shinji: I don't mind.  But, what are you two within my heart?

Rei: Hope.  The hope that people might be able to understand one another.

Kaworu: And the words 'I love you'.

Shinji: But that's just pretending - a self-intoxicating belief... like a prayer. It can't possibly last forever. Sooner or later I'll be betrayed... And they'll leave me. Still... I want to meet them again, because I believe my feelings at that time were real.

SCENE:  Shinji rejects Human Instrumentality, Lilith-Rei collapses backwards and her wings vanish... EVA-01 breaks out from Lilith-Rei's eye and grows wings... The Black Moon divides into sections and explodes, showering Lilith-Rei with LCL which falls to Earth and spreads outward...) -----------------------------------

Kaworu: Reality is in an unfamiliar place, and dreams are within reality.

Rei: And the truth is within your heart.

(Lilith-Rei's body begins to fall apart)

Kaworu: For it is the hearts of people that create their appearance.

Rei: And new images will change peoples' hearts and appearances. Images... the power of imagination... The power to create your own future, and to make time flow.

Kaworu: But people must act of their own free will, or nothing will change at all.

Rei: So you must find your lost self on your own... Even if you lose your own words, or become lost in others' words.

(EVA-01 grasps and splits the Lance of Longinus... The Lances impaling the Eva series burst and disappear)

Rei: Anyone can return to human form as long as they can imagine themselves in their own heart.

(The Eva series go silent and fall to Earth... Crosses rise into the heavens)

Yui (voice): Don't worry. All living things have the ability to return to their original form... and the heart to go on living. Anywhere can be heaven as long as you have the will to live. After all, you're alive... and you can find the chance to achieve happiness anywhere.

(Rei appears before the now silent EVA-01... EVA-01, the Lance, and millions of crosses continue to ascend into space)

Yui (voice): As long as the Sun, the Moon and the Earth exist, everything will be all right.

SCENE:  Water drop- Yui caressing Shinji's cheek -----------------------------------

Yui: So, you'll be okay now?

Shinji: I still don't know where to find happiness... But I'll continue to think about whether it's good to be here... whether it was good to have been born. But in the end, it's just realizing the obvious over and over again. Because I am myself.

(Shinji emerges from the sea of LCL... Lilith-Rei's head splits)

Shinji: But mother... what will you do?

(Flashback to 13 years ago - Fuyutsuki, Yui and infant-Shinji)

Fuyutsuki: Humans create Evangelion to copy God... Is this our true goal?

Yui: Yes.  Humans can only live on this planet, but Evangelion can live forever... together with the human soul that dwells within it.

(EVA-01 and the Lance of Longinus float in space)

Even after 5 billion years, when the Earth, the Moon, and even the Sun have disappeared, it will still exist as long as even one person still lives. It will be very lonely, but as long as that one person still lives...

Fuyutsuki: It will be the eternal proof that humankind has existed...

Shinji: Good-bye, mother.

----------------------------------- TITLE SCREEN - THE END OF EVANGELION ONE MORE FINAL: I need you. -----------------------------------

SCENE:  Lilith-Rei's split head... Misato's cross nailed to post... Silent Eva series stand crucified in a LCL ocean... Waves of LCL gently lapping at the shore... Asuka and Shinji lie side by side on the beach... Shinji turns to see Rei standing over the LCL sea - then Rei vanishes... Shinji moves over Asuka begins to strangle her, but with a caress of his cheek, she stops him and he starts sobbing uncontrollably. -----------------------------------

Asuka: How disgusting.

(Screen text: Fin)

-blank screen-

Notes:

1- Literally, "as a medium"

2- Destrado:    According to the theory advocated by E.Weiss, the energy of the self-destructive impulse.    It is the antonym of Libido. Its meaning is different from the energy of "Instinct of Death",    advocated by P. Federn, the master of Moltedor-Weiss.

3- Literally, "pushes me into a corner"

'Ego': The barrier of another or one's self.

"blank screen": In the original Japanese release of the film, after the screen text, 'Fin.' is shown, the screen goes completely black and no ending credits are shown.  Audiences waited in the cinema for around 5 minutes to make sure the film was really over.

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Ch 6- Kiss The Girl

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: Ari is trying to find the right moment to talk to Hannah about their kiss but things and people just keep getting in the goddamned way…

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. A world of smut via flashback (NSFW no under18s)

Episode Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

A/N: So, we promised you some soft daddy Ari, and here he is…you might want to grab a fan or something coz we ain’t gonna lie, this one left us in a puddle on the floor!!!

 Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 5

“Life can be short or long, love can be right or wrong, And I if chose the one I’d like to help me through, I’d like to make it with you, I really think that we could make it, girl.” Make It With You by B.R.E.A.D

It had been days since the kiss, which soon enough turned into weeks. 4 and a half to be exact. Ari knew. He had counted them along with each phase of the moon, and nothing happened. They had kissed and that was it and to say it was bugging him would be an understatement.

He had tried, though. Well, sort of. The night after the kiss, Ari had seen Hannah walking Simon towards her spot as she had gotten used to doing before going to sleep. He had started after her on impulse, but then he had stopped on the beach sand and  chickened out when he realised he hadn't thought about what to say and ended up going back to his hut after finishing his cigarette.

A couple of nights later, he had mustered enough courage and was determined to go after her. He needed to speak to her. He didn't know exactly what he would say but he had come to the conclusion it would be best to wing it and let his mind speak for itself. Just get your ass there and let's see how it goes, Levinson. And then Sammy (who else?!) had appeared with a bottle of whiskey asking him to join him and Jake. It was a good thing, though. They had sorted their differences which had left them on an even keel, although Ari wondered for how long. If Sammy only knew what was on his mind just a few seconds before...  But Sammy had also told him he had also apologised to Hannah so things were getting better, that much was undeniable.

Still, the fact was, that little gathering around a bottle of whiskey had meant Ari had left another few days go without speaking to her. And even though she hadn't reached out to him either and things, everything considered, weren't awkward between them, Ari knew he had to speak to her.

The next chance he got was another few days later. Everyone was busy after dinner and he decided it was the perfect opportunity to go for it. But he had to stop when he met some tourists on the beach near her spot. He had to feign he was checking up on them and after a polite exchange on the wonderful time they were having at the resort he had to turn on his steps and head back to his hut, cursing all the way.

The more time that went by the harder it was getting not only to find the perfect moment but also to gather the courage to have that pending conversation with Hannah. So Ari found himself one night wondering if it was just better left alone. Was there even a pending conversation to have? The atmosphere was good, Hannah was fine with him, even her and Sammy had taken a trip together to Port Sudan and no one had died. That was another bump in the road, every time he commented on having to go to Port Sudan or even Khartoum hoping for Hannah to come with him, someone called dibs or even offered to go on his behalf. So he had stopped faking reasons for the trips and coming up with real reasons as chances were he would end up going with someone else or staying at the resort.

Fortunately Simon made it impossible to stay in a bad mood. The dog was as cheeky as it gets. Hannah had been teaching him some tricks so he now sat, gave his paw and rolled over. Well, sort of, he more like got onto his back and stayed there with his short legs extended in the air. It was hilarious. He also went conveniently deaf whenever anyone other than Hannah or Ari told him to do anything. So it was a common joke now that Simon was his and Hannah's kid, which didn't bother Ari in the slightest. On the contrary, he happily played along when someone told him to take care of his child.

Thus, week after week went by and before they knew it they were in the middle of February and Rachel was preparing to take the first Shore Leave trip home. She was the only one with kids other than Ari, but Maya was with her mother while Rachel's kids were with their grandparents so they all agreed she should be the first to travel home. Hannah would take her place as managing director, aerobics instructor and much to Max and Jake laugh, masseuse.

The night before Rachel travelled to the US, Hannah was in the kitchen feeding Simon after they had already had dinner while the rest of them were chilling on the patio. Rachel had sneaked a bottle of Tequila from the stash of alcohol they had been gathering from their trips to Port Sudan or the nearest village market, to toast for a safe trip home. Jake, encouraged by the Tequila shots he had been gulping, was hitting on a group of young female tourists that were gathered around an improvised bonfire on the beach.

"It's the first time I see him do that in the nearly two months we've been here." Max snorted, seeing Jake stumble on the sand and fall on his ass next to one of the girls.

"Guess the real Jake has taken over Luca Morano." Sammy scoffed.

"It has." Ari chuckled. "Did I ever tell you how I found him with a girl in a decompression tank when I went to recruit him in Belize?"

"Now that's Jake Wolf." Max laughed. "Must have been a sight to see."

"Oh, it was. Stark naked. Refused to cover himself up all through our conversation." Ari confided before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Well, he has managed to keep himself away from tourists until now. We have to give him that." Max commented.

"Maybe it's because Hannah’s not into him after all." Rachel deadpanned, always the perceptive one.

"What do you mean?" Sammy asked or more like groaned.

"Just saying they're not diving as much now as they did before. She’s cooled off, certainly over the last month anyway." she shrugged.

Everyone fell silent for a few minutes, enjoying their shots and taking in Rachel's words. Of course she had noticed, she always did. That was what made her, along with other qualities, one of the best spies Mossad could ever hope for. 

Ari could see the clogs in Sammy's brain turning, as usual his brain short-circuited when it came to his sister. He, on the other hand, was low-key pleased to hear that. He wouldn't be feeding himself to the sharks after all and he couldn't help the smile that spread on his face when Hannah came back with Simon and grinned at the sight of Jake flirting with the group of women.

"How's he doing?" she asked, nodding towards Jake before taking a seat next to Ari.

"Working on it." Max answered, looking first at Hannah and then discreetly at Ari who was still smiling widely.

*********

The following morning, after having waved goodbye to Rachel who had left after giving some last minute instructions to Hannah and promising them all to make the most of her week off, Jake, Max, Ari and Hannah were sat at their breakfast table.

"They must think we're stupid." Hannah said, pointing to the fact that Sammy had offered himself, more like jumped to the opportunity of driving Rachel to the airport in Port Sudan.

"What?" Ari asked.

"Ok, maybe you all are stupid." she said rolling her eyes as she poured herself some more coffee.

The three men ignored her jab and looked blankly at one another for what looked like an eternity until Max twigged it. Hannah spotted the exact moment coz he grinned and gave his trademark chuckle. That was enough for Ari to realise as well.

"Rachel and Sammy?" Ari asked, not believing it. 

"You're a dumbass, Levinson." Hannah teased him. 

Simon then rolled on the floor and gave a loud yip as if to highlight his mum's words.

"Wouldn't be so pleased, pal. He's coming back." Jake said, looking down at the dog. 

Everyone chuckled at the comment and as much as Jake tried to hide his hangover behind his shades, his hoarse voice was betraying him.

"This is good." Max said, still grinning. "I mean Sammy needs to get laid, release some tension."

"Don’t we all?" Jake quipped, thus unwillingly confessing he hadn't been lucky the night before.

"Cheers to that." Hannah said, raising her mug.

Max, Jake and Ari all raised their mugs to join Hannah in her toast as they laughed, though Ari was internally groaning. He wasn't expecting having to visit the shower again that morning.

*********

With Rachel gone Hannah was busier than ever as she had to pick up a lot of her chores, including the aerobics classes. Having to witness Hannah every morning clad in those colourful tight leotards and tights, bending and stretching sent Ari into a frenzy. At some point he tried to avoid her classes, either to dodge suspicious looks from Sammy or to prevent Jake from drooling shamelessly over Hannah and other female tourists too. 

“What? Why can you be at the classes and I can't?” Jake asked Ari one morning after he gave him a reproachful look because the truth was that Ari’s attempts to avoid them had failed, miserably, and instead he had found any excuse possible to lurk in the reception area. Be it a document he needed to check, a key someone from the staff had asked him for or a glass of water he had to grab from the kitchen, among other things, which always caused some giggles from the group of young female tourists. If they only knew it wasn't about them.

Ari had come to the conclusion that he needed to speak to Hannah, because it was starting to get embarrassing and Simon wasn't helping. The dog was exposing him even more as he would bark at him and look for his attention every time he walked in to the room with another lame ass excuse. He had no idea what he would say or how he would address the elephant in the room after so a month, he just knew he needed to be alone with her or he would go crazy. 

However, he failed again and again not only because with Rachel gone Hannah was busier and didn't have much free time but because most of the scarce free time she had was spent with Sammy, who was excessively clingy to his sister.  Ari now realised that Hannah had been right, the man clearly had a thing for the blonde. 

Which was even clearer the evening before Rachel was due to return as Sammy had been particularly jovial after a week of exacerbate grumpiness and moping around the resort. A fact that didn't go unnoticed by any of them. What was more, Hannah was not letting the opportunity to tease his brother go by.

Sammy had offered to walk Simon with her before going to sleep and they were walking along the sea shore in a comfortable silence when he threw a stick towards the waves so that Simon could go and fetch it. Hannah didn't hesitate to bug him when he bent to scratch Simon's ear when the dog came back with the stick in his mouth.

"I don’t recognise you, Samuel Navon. You’re even being nice to Simon." she said.

"Well, he’s growing on me." he shrugged, smiling at the dog.

To be honest, Hannah knew Simon was indeed growing on him. The dog had become a sort of celebrity in the resort, with all the guest ladies cooing over him like a baby whenever he was near and him going from group to group of guests on the beach, demanding attention from everyone, most of them willing to give it to him. But, there was something else to Sammy's sudden cheerfulness and Hannah was sure she knew what it was.

"Bullshit. Just yesterday you were wanting to kill him because he chewed your shoes." Hannah smirked, stopping to look at her brother.

"Why does he have to chew my shoes when he has Jake’s shirts to go at?" Sammy whined. 

"It’s a woman, isn’t it? More specifically, it’s Rachel. She’s back tomorrow and you’re happy…" Hannah insisted, smiling at him in an attempt to make him confide in her. Sammy had never been the one to let his emotions take over. Even when they were kids she had been the lively, expressive one and he had been the brooding older brother.

"Will you shut up if I tell you it is?" he asked, more of an order than a question. He knew her sister and there was no going back at this point, he had been busted. Better to get it over with in the most graceful manner possible.

Hannah grinned "You sly dog."  and then she offered him a warm smile "Good for you, Sammy.  I’m pleased."

"I don’t know if she feels the same way…so I don’t want to make a fuss about it, ok?" he said, trying to dim his sister's enthusiasm. 

"My lips are sealed." she made a zip gesture over her mouth. "But you know there’s only one way to find out? Ask."

"Easier said than done." Sammy scoffed.

Hannah then sighed, "Don’t I know it."

Sammy looked at his sister, his brow furrowing.

 "What do you mean?"

"Oh nothing…was just talking in general." she said, trying to make it sound casual.

"No, you weren’t." he retorted.  "But it's ok if you want me to pretend you were. After everything that’s happened I’m probably better off in the dark."

Hannah smiled at her brother's words. After all, he was trying hard not to meddle in her life, unless she asked him to do so, as she had requested when he had apologised to her weeks earlier.

"Just give yourself the chance to be happy, Han." he said as he reached to hug her.

Hannah sighed and leaned into her brother's embrace. She knew full well he didn’t mean Ari when he was talking about her happiness, but that was where her mind went. The thought of Ari's shore leave looming in the horizon, as his turn would come only a few days post Rachel's return, made her shiver. And the realisation that she needed to speak to him before he left hit her like a landslide. She needed to reach out to him before he went back to the real world. To Maya. To Sarah.

"Easier said than done." she forced a smile, repeating her brother’s earlier words back to him. 

*****

Rachel returned the following day and she was beaming. Being able to spend time with her kids had, no doubt, suited her. It was now a matter of days for Ari to be able to spend time with Maya and he was looking forward to it. The countdown to his leave officially started and he was excited to see Ethan too as he was proud of how they were set up and operating. His idea of turning the resort into a running hotel had been a great success and Ari couldn't wait to report to Ethan face to face, or Isaacs for that matter. The Head of Mossad had been a whiny bitch about them taking in real tourists and Ari, arrogant as he was at times, was hoping to have the opportunity to rub it in his face.

Yet there was one thing that was bothering him and would keep him awake late at night, and that was Hannah. Over the past few days Ari had noticed she had started to withdraw again. She should have been more relaxed now that Rachel was back but she had become warier and quieter instead. But that wasn't the only thing bugging him. He was well aware that he was going to miss her and he was finding it quite odd. They hadn't seen each other at all over the last four years and now the idea of being apart from her for ten days was bothering him.

They say time flies. Either because you're having a great time or because you don't want time to pass at all, which was the reason in Hannah's case. The night before Ari left they were gathered together as usual after dinner, having drinks and toasting to Ari's safe flight home. Hannah was trying to keep it cool and ignore the churning feeling in her stomach, but she was failing spectacularly. She was a jumble of nerves, she had been for the past few days, but that night it was getting worse so she decided to stop drinking before she barfed or even worse got so drunk she would start doing or saying something she would regret. She felt like she was gonna start crying any minute and Max and Jake goofing around weren't helping her in any way.

"Come on, Red. Drink another shot with me." Jake said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he poured two tequila shots with his free hand.

"I don't want to drink, Jake." she refused the drink with a wave of her hand.

"What? Are you pregnant? Don't tell me, a hairy Nazi knocked you up after a massage." Max snorted, visibly drunk.

"You're not funny, Maxwell. Fuck you." she growled at him, standing up to shove him in the chest almost sending him flying backwards on his chair.

"What's wrong with you, cracker?" he yelled back, visibly surprised, trying not to lose balance as the chair teetered precariously on its back two legs.

All the group, in fact, were surprised. Not only because Hannah and Max were best friends and got on but also because they joked and pranked each other on a daily basis and Hannah had never snapped at him like that. Normally she would have come up with a smart reply and they would have been bickering for minutes but that night Hannah was behaving out of character.

She didn't answer Max, instead she shook her head and left, with Simon following trail. Everyone then turned to glare at Max who shrugged and leaned to grab the bottle of Tequila.

"Something has gotten her on edge. She's been odd for a few days but today she's been particularly bad." Rachel explained, looking worriedly towards the path that led to the huts.

Ari sighed, both of his hands brushing his hair back. He wanted to go after her but wasn't sure if it would be weird in the eyes of the rest of the team.  While debating what to do he looked at Sammy but he was busy looking at her and asking Rachel what she meant. Max was out of the question as he had decided to drown his concern in Tequila shots, so he looked at Jake who nodded meeting Ari's eyes. Go talk to her, he mouthed.

He didn't have to be told twice. Ari stood up and went to find her. In order not to raise suspicions, more on Sammy's part than on anyone else's, he went in the opposite direction before doubling back around the front of the resort. He went to the beach and started walking thinking maybe Hannah had decided to go to her spot on the rocks after all. But she wasn't there so he decided to try her hut. And there she was as he heard Simon bark when he knocked on the door.

"What do you want, Ari?" Hannah asked the moment she opened the door.

She didn't seem surprised to see him at her door but she didn't seem excited or pleased either. She seemed so messed up, as she didn't give a damn about anyone anymore.

"Wanted to see if you’d drive me to the airport tomorrow." he said shyly.

He hadn't thought about what to say to her, not knowing the mood she would be in and the idea came to him out of the blue. He thought it was the perfect chance to be alone, to talk.

Hannah frowned at him "Thought you already asked Sammy."

Busted.

Ari looked down at his feet, put his hands on his hips and sighed.

"What do you really want, Ari? I’m not in the mood." she asked again.

"No, but you’re in A mood. I noticed, matter of fact everyone did..." and then he paused as a thought hit him. As unlikely as it was, he decided to ask anyway, edging his bets. “Is it…is it because I’m leaving tomorrow?"

Ari saw her eyes beginning to cloud and she looked away 

“No.”

"You’re as bad a liar as Sammy." he said, trying to lighten up her mood.

But his attempt to make her smile resulted in her turning away from him. She left the door open though so he stepped in and closed it behind him, accepting the silent invitation. 

"Firefly I…" he began.

"I’m just stressed Ari…a little homesick too, I miss mama, but that’s it." she cut him off.

"Promise me?" he asked, tilting his head and smiling softly.

"Yes, Ari." she replied drily.

"I don’t believe you." Ari said, his hand caressing her cheek. A bold move if you will but he had nothing to lose at this point.

Hannah started crying immediately and Simon let out a little whine when he heard her. Ari then pulled her in for a hug. He was beginning to wonder if it had been too much but then he felt her shoulders relaxing as her hands connect round his broad back. Simon felt her change in demeanour too and jumped up at them wanting to take part in the comforting gesture, his paws resting against Hannah’s thigh. Hannah chuckled as she stepped back slightly to pet him.

She stayed quiet for a minute, her eyes focussed on the dog and then she lifted her eyes to look Ari before speaking “Are you going to see Maya?”

It was a dumbass question, as she knew perfectly well he was, but he instantly understood what she was really asking. Are you seeing Sarah?

"Is that what’s bothering you?" Ari asked, looking at her with concerned eyes.

"No it’s just I.. " she started protesting but he cut her off.

"Han, if I want to see Maya then I need to speak to Sarah."

Hannah fell silent again, she knew she had just shown her cards so there was no point denying anything anymore. She looked down and started fiddling with the hem of her top for a few seconds before her shoulders started to shake and tears began to run down her cheeks again.

"Hannah, what’s going on?" Now Ari was genuinely confused. They had not been alone since that night, not talked about the kiss so he wasn’t sure why it was bothering her so much. He had assumed from her silence over the past month that she thought their little moment was all a mistake and that was it for them, but the fact that she was bothered by the thought of him seeing his estranged wife meant something else, didn't it? "I don’t want you to go."  her voice now a whisper. "I mean, I know you have to but.." she swallowed before continuing "I don’t want to be here without you." She had said it, right? She had admitted it. I don't want to be here without you. Ari was suddenly floored, utterly floored. This meant she felt something more. 

"Firefly, look at me." he demanded. But she didn't move. "Look at me, please." he spoke more softly this time.

Hannah then raised her eyes, locking them to his, her bottom lip quivering slightly. "I’m coming back." Ari assured her.

"I know. It’s just…I’m gonna miss you." she said lowering her eyes again

"You’ve got Simon to keep you busy." he said, nodding down to the dog who was sat watching them both. "And Sammy to placate when he growls at him or eats his shoe. Jake to take you diving, Max to…well…just be Max and Rachel…" he paused to lift her chin to make her look at him  "You got your safe place for when it all gets too much, the sea, the stars at night…what else could you ask for?"

"Well, when you put it like that I’m not sure." she chuckled.

There it is, that damned smile. Ari thought as he chuckled too. "Guess I made my point."

There was a slight pause as he reached for her hands, his fingers caressing hers “I’ll miss you too Han, more than you know.” he said before pressing his forehead to hers.

"But you’re gonna.."

"I’m going to see my daughter, that’s all I care about in Tel Aviv." he paused before asking her again the million dollar question "Why are you so bothered, Han? Tell me honestly."

Hannah swallowed, her fingers fiddling with his as their hands are laced together "I just…what if you see Sarah and decide you want her back."

"But why do you care?" Ari asked, he was frustrated at this point and he knew his voice showed it. They were going round in circles and he just wanted her to say it.

She pulled back to look at him, her eyes locked onto his, their faces inches away.

"Because I wouldn’t be able to…" she swallowed once more, stumbling over her words "It would break me again Ari. I’d be happy for you but…”

She had said it. She had admitted it out loud. She had feelings for him. Wasn't that what you wanted? Your move Levinson. Ari thought before taking a breath thinking his next words carefully.

"Listen to me carefully, Hannah." he said, sternly.

Hannah was deflated by the look on his face and those words. He had called her Hannah, no Han, no Firefly. She thought that was it, she had pissed him off. She had fucked it up and this time she was the only one to blame.

"There’s no chance I want her back, even if she wanted me, which she doesn’t. We’re over." 

"But for Maya." Hannah blurted out. 

"Not the slightest chance, Firefly." he said, taking her face in his hands.

Hannah then let out the breath she had been holding and sniffed.

"God, I’ve been going out of my head for almost a month, Han. Going over that afternoon in Port Sudan  and that kiss…" Ari confided, tracing her lips with his thumb at the mention of the kiss.

And she gasped. It was electric. An electric blue bolt of lightning sending shivers down her spine.

"Me too…" she whispered, trying to recover from the jolt that had just travelled through her body “Why are we so shit at communicating?"

"I did try and find you at your spot a few times but someone always got in the way" Ari admitted.

"Story of our lives huh?" she said with a soft smile.

"Yup." Ari chuckled "Maybe it's time we changed that…" he said as he cupped her face in his hands. "Wait for me to get back…"

"Not like I can go anywhere, mi lobo." she said smiling at him.

And Ari knew why. MI...not EL, MI. My. It had been 9 years since she uttered those words to him. His heart was literally bursting and at that point he thought fuck Sammy, fuck Andy, fuck Max. He didn't care anymore.  With his hands still on her cheeks he tilted her face to meet his and kissed her. And it was everything he needed and more. It was only them now, as far as he was concerned the world could go to hell. It was soft, gentle, but oh so loaded at the same time and when he pulled away eventually, he kept his head pressing to hers.

"You said Mi…" he whispered.

Hannah bit her lower lip, a wide smile forming on her face and was about to reply when there was a loud noise outside and Simon started barking.

"I best go, it's an early flight." Ari said, fighting the urge to press her body against his and never let go. But he was leaving the following day and it wouldn't be fair for any of them.

"Ok…" Hannah nodded.

Ari turned slowly to go, his hand still on hers for as long as his reach would allow but had to let go when he reached the door.

"Come back to me this time." Hannah said before he opened the door.

Ari paused and turned to look at her "Promise…my firefly." When he left her hut, a smile that could lit up an entire city on his face, the feeling in his chest was warm. That crappy pang he had associated with being around her over the past few months gone, hopefully for good.

********

Ari left before breakfast the next morning, his flight was early. Nevertheless all the agents were up to bid him a good trip. He shook hands with the boys, hugged Rachel and finally reached Hannah. Giving her a smile he swept her into his arms and she closed her eyes momentarily, holding him close before she stepped back and smiled, both of them trying to play it cool. Tearing his eyes away from her he crouched down to give Simon a scratch, the dog leaping up at him to lick his face.

“Gonna miss you too.” he said quietly, and Hannah knew full well he wasn’t just talking to the dog.

The day was fairly busy, which kept Hannah occupied for the most of it, right through until the evening at which point she bid them good night and headed off to take Simon for his usual pre-bed walk.

“Mind if I join you?” Rachel asked “I haven’t stretched my legs properly all day.”

“Sure.” Hannah looked at her, and the two women headed out onto the sand.

“So, You and Ari…” Rachel said as soon as they were out of ear shot. Hannah spun to face her, frowning.

“Me and Ari what?” “Don’t play dumb with me, Cracker.” Rachel looked at her “I saw the way he was hugging you before, and the way he looked at you as Sammy drove them away.”

Hannah sighed, and knew there was no point playing dumb. “You know, it’s pathetic really. I mean I hadn’t seen anything or heard anything from him since Andy’s funeral and then within 6 weeks of us being here I’m catapulted right back to where I was 9 years ago.” “Must have been some fling…” Rachel looked at her, and Hannah snorted.

“You know full well it was more than that.”

“You loved him.” Rachel shrugged

“Ironic thing is I never told him.” Hannah sighed “Not whilst we were together anyway. I came close once.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well, it felt too soon, you know, we’d only really been dating a few weeks.” Hannah shrugged “But if I’m honest, I fell for him way before we got together.” She stopped walking and looked around, before she gestured with her head and Rachel followed her lead, sitting on the sand besides her. “I remember the nigh though. Instead of using the actual 3 words I told him that I’d fallen for him years ago. We’d been on a date, just a small restaurant not far from his and we were walking home…”

“You know, everyone at work keeps asking me who my mystery girlfriend is.” Ari’s glanced down at Hannah as they walked down the pavement, his hand around hers.

“I thought you liked the secrecy?”

“Yeah, well, as much as it’s been fun I’d like to be able to introduce you as my girl one day.” he looked at her.

“I’d like that too.” Hannah smiled.

“Though you friend, Abi is it? Yeah she might not like it that much…” Ari said and Hannah let out a snort.

“Yeah, she would go mad. She keeps on asking me about you.”

“Really? What’s she say?”

Hannah laughed, “Fuck off Lobo,” she said, shoving him playfully in his chest.

“Easy firefly…” he caught her hand softly, raising it to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her wrist “She never stood a chance”

“Neither did I” Hannah look at him as his fingers laced through hers.

“What do you mean?” Ari frowned.

“The minute I met you I was a goner, Ari”

“But you’ve been dating other guys, I’ve met some of them.” he looked at her.

“Yeah, but they weren’t you. I knew you were out of my league but still, always hoped one day you’d see me.”

Ari took a deep breath and shook his head “I saw you, Hannah. How could I not? You were this smart, sassy kid, old before her time. I constantly had to remind myself how young you were and then I watched you grow up…” He smiled “And then, a few months after your 18th, at your graduation I came over and for the first time, well I saw you then as this gorgeous young woman, not just that sassy little kid and…” he shrugged, trailing off.

Hannah shook her head, her eyes fixing on Simon who was barking at his reflection on the calm ocean.

“It was funny that he brought up my graduation, as that was when I fell for him big time. I’d always had a crush on him, you know…” “Every little sister does on their older brother’s friends.” Rachel said wisely, and Hannah nodded.

“But then he gave me a pair of earrings. Just silver ones, in the shape of a crescent moon as a congratulations. But, they were so special because it was a little joke between us, you know, the fact I used to say he probably turned into a werewolf every full moon because he used to eat mama out of house and home…” “El Lobo Hambriento…” Rachel repeated and Hannah nodded.

“But that…that was the moment. He’d gone to enough effort to get me something that was personal and meant something to us both and I knew then I was falling for a guy I had no chance with. I tried so hard to ignore it. I dated other guys but it was pointless. And then on my 21st.” she shrugged “We had a whirlwind of a 3 months before he ended it and left. I heard nothing more until Sammy told me he had a girlfriend. So that was that, and it turns out it was all down to my late husband.”

“That must have been really hard.” Rachel said after a pause

“Well, I knuckled down, finished medical school and pretended I was ok.” Hannah shrugged “Even went to his wedding because I figured having him in my life one way was better than not at all. I didn’t see much of him then until I joined Mossad 2 years later.”

“Did he go to your wedding?” Rachel asked.

“No.” Hannah shook her head “I dunno why. Maybe he was on a mission, maybe he was too busy living his life with his then wife and kid…I never asked.” she took a deep breath and smiled as Simon bounded back across the sand towards her, flopping down onto his back for a belly rub which she happily provided “And then Andy died and just when I was beginning to come to terms with it all Ari shows up at the clinic and I find myself here in the desert and once more he’s turning my life upside down.”

“Maybe you need to set it the right way up again.” Rachel looked at her. “What’s stopping you, honestly?”

Hannah shrugged “Look, the other night, you’re right…we had a moment. Just a kiss, nothing more, and then last night we talked about it, kissed again and I dunno, maybe when he comes back…” She trailed off.

“Do you both want it?” Rachel looked at her. “To try again I mean?”

“I know I do and he says he does so…” she shrugged “I just…is going back over old ground the right thing to do Rachel? I mean we’re here…then there’s Sammy and his fucking reaction and…” she shook her head as she glanced out over the ocean. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

“It’s only as complicated as you make it.” Rachel said, laying her hand on Hannah’s arm “Look, screw Sammy and screw everyone else. If they weren’t in the picture…” “Then I wouldn’t hesitate.” Hannah looked at her friend. “You know, I loved Andy, and in a way despite me being so angry at him, I always will do but what I felt when I was with Ari, well, it was like this raging fire, it consumed every single part of me whereas Andy felt safe...not that I was any less happy with Andy, I wasn’t but…”

“Was Ari your first?” Rachel looked at her, and Hannah nodded. “That’s why it felt like that.” Rachel continued wisely. “You were discovering things, it will have been exciting, passionate…” “I know, and I understand that we’re both different people now and I don’t know whether, even without everyone interfering we would have made it back then, probably not to be honest but I’m wondering if this was life’s little plan all along. A way of giving us a second chance when we both have a more mature understanding of what we had…does that make sense?”

Rachel smiled and placed an arm around Hannah’s shoulder “Perfectly.”

“You cannot tell Sammy.” Hannah looked at her “Not until Ari comes back and we’ve decided on what is gonna happen…if anything.”

“Cross my heart.” Rachel smiled.

Hannah, satisfied she could trust the woman turned her attention to the ocean. She knew Ari would be home now, and she couldn’t help wondering if she was on his mind, as much as he was on hers…

******** Ari was exhausted. Upon landing back in Tel Aviv he had been greeted by Ethan, and he’d been back into HQ for an hour or so before heading to his apartment. Thankfully, Mossad had agreed to keep funding the rental fees whilst he was away which at least meant he didn’t have to stay in a hotel on his trips back home. He’d debated calling Sarah to tell her he was back, but it was getting late and not wanting to wake Maya he had instead decided to call in the morning.

He showered, revelling in the comfort of having decent water pressure before he collapsed into bed. But try as he might, as tired as he was he just couldn’t turn off. His mind was wandering, in particular over everything that had happened with Hannah just before he had left. She’d basically admitted to him what he knew anyway, that her feelings for him were still there, and moreover that there was a chance that they could make something out of the whole sorry mess. He should be happy, and he was, but part of him was still tentative. There was a lot at stake, if it went wrong they were stuck, thousands of miles away from home…and he didn’t even want to think about Sammy’s reaction, or Andy for that matter. What he did know, however, was that whatever they both decided it was going to be their decision. He wasn’t letting anyone make it for them, not like last time.

The rain was lashing against the windows, and he was suddenly taken back to a rainy evening one March almost 9 years ago when he and Hannah had been out for something to eat. They were walking back to his and she was telling him how she’d fallen for him big time over a pair of earrings he had bought her. He had just been about to tease her about being materialistic when the heavens had opened…

“SHIT!” Hannah shrieked, ducking as if that would prevent the rain from hitting her. She pulled her jacket a little tighter around her but the rain fall was ridiculously heavy.

“Come on!” He said, tugging on her hand and the two of them began to run towards the doorway of a shop. Ari pulled her under the awning, glancing down at her. Her hair was dripping, sticking to her face and she looked at him and started to giggle. Her jacket wasn’t done up all the way, and he could just see the rivulets of water trickling between the swell of her breasts, through her cleavage and dampening the fabric of her little flowery dress.

“My face is up here.” She quipped and immediately his eyes flew to hers and he gave her a sheepish grin, before he arched an eyebrow.

“Seems I inadvertently got you a little wet.”

She snorted, shaking her head at the joke and then looked up at him, her eyes flashing as she bit her lip.

“Better take me home and do something about it then,”

Ari groaned at the memory of her, stood there in front of him. They’d only been dating a few weeks at that point and he’d taken it slow, deliberately not wanting to rush her but as she stood there in front of him, giving him the blatant come on, her eyes fixed on his, not a shred of doubt in them, he’d pretty much dragged her back to his. He shifted slightly on the soft mattress, his hand sliding into his boxers. Just that image of her in front of him had him hard as fuck, and he needed to do something about it. With slow, deliberate strokes he began to palm himself to the memory which was now fresh in his mind…

As Ari was fetching them both a towel each from the bathroom, he heard Hannah on the phone speaking in Spanish to her mama. When he walked into the living room she was just finishing up and he handed her the towel which she used to start drying out her hair as she kicked off her shoes.

“Mama ok?” he asked.

“Yeah she’s fine. Didn’t ask where I was,” she paused, squeezing her long locks with the towel, “which suits me as I didn’t have to lie.” Ari sighed. “I meant what I said before. I don’t want it to be like this forever.” “Me neither.” she agreed. “But, I just don’t want anyone interfering. Not yet anyway.”

He smiled and used the towel he had grabbed himself, to rub at his hair and face, emerging from it and Hannah giggled, reaching up to smooth down his hair.

“This is getting long.” Her nails raked on his scalp as she straightened it down.

“I might grow it.” He mused.

“As long as it’s not into a mullet.” At that he laughed, his hands falling to her hips. “Not a chance Firefly.” She looked at him as she continued to attempt to dry her hair before he couldn’t take it anymore. Gently he took the towel off her and tossed it, along with his own, over to the sofa, before his hands cupped her face and he kissed her slowly. Her hands fell to his waist, tangling in the bottom of his grey shirt and he let out a little sigh at the feel of her fingers brushing his skin. She pulled back slightly and he pressed his forehead to hers, both of them breathing deeply and she looked at him, giving him the same eyes she had in the shop doorway.

“Lobo…” she swallowed.

“What do you want Firefly?”

“You…” She blinked up at him. “All of you.” At that his cocky demeanour wavered slightly. She’d told him only a few days ago when they’d been getting a little heavy on his couch that she was a virgin. She’d done other things, but not that, and now the thought of him being her first…well it was a head fuck. But a good head fuck.

“You sure?” He asked, searching her face for any shred of doubt. But he found none. Instead she nodded and bit her lip. Permission granted he’d reached down, gripped the soft flesh at the top of the back of her thighs and hauled her up, her legs locking around his waist. His lips smashed onto hers, their teeth clanging together in the urgency of the kiss as he carried her over the hall to his bedroom, where he softly set her down on her feet, flicking the lamp on besides him.

She’d stood, looking up at him, all doe eyes and damp hair and he’d had to fight back every single urge he had to push her back on the bed and fuck the life out of her. He wanted her first time to be soft, gentle, special. So instead, with a restraint he wasn’t sure he even possessed up until that moment, he reached out and pulled her to him again, kissing her softly and her fingers drifted to the buttons on his shirt. She broke the kiss so she could look down, her hands fumbling slightly but Ari let her carry on. Eventually she had it open and she pushed it back off his shoulders and down his arms where he then shrugged it off and let it fall to the floor. She looked at him, biting that damned bottom lip again and Ari couldn’t help but feel slightly smug at the hungry way her eyes were roving his torso. He ran, worked out with weights and he knew he wasn’t in bad shape. He couldn’t afford to be with his job after all, but he was enjoying the appreciative way she was taking in his broad shoulders and chest, following the strip of hair down to his waistband. She looked up at him once more, reaching out with her hands and she smoothed her fingers over his chest to his shoulders as he leaned down and caught her mouth again. This time his hands moved to the back of her dress, finding the buttons and he flicked them open one by one. Hannah stilled at little and he stopped, glancing down.

“You ok?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, just, no one’s ever seen me…”

“Let me.” He whispered softly, almost pleading.

Her cheeks flushed red and she moved her arms to allow the dress to fall down, shimmying out of it as it dropped over her hips and Ari let out a soft groan as he took her in from toe to head. Lithe legs gave way to a softer curve over her thighs and hips, up to her trim stomach, her waist cinched in before it met the swell of her perfectly proportioned breasts which he’d always had a real thing for. She was dressed in a simple matching cotton pair of baby blue panties and bra, and the pure innocence of it was driving him wild.

“See,” he said, his eyes locking onto hers, “beautiful, my firefly…”

He leaned down and dropped a kiss to the crook of her neck and shoulder and she gave a little shiver.

“Like that?” he asked softly, she nodded so he did it again, his arm curling around her waist, holding her still, letting her get lost in the sensations as he lavished affection on her, working across her collar bone to the other side, before he trailed hot kisses up her jaw line, pressing his lips to hers again. She kissed him back, the kiss hungry as her hands tangled in his hair. Taking the lead, he backed her up slightly, until her knees folded against the edge of the bed and she sat down. Her eyes were level with the top of his jeans now, and there was no hiding the evident bulge at his crotch. She glanced up at him, giving him a little smirk, almost of pride, before she popped the button on his jeans. She tugged them down, and he stepped out of them, leaving him in his tight boxers and he crawled over her as she moved up the bed, settling into the space between her legs. His hands trailed up the outside of her thighs to her hips and up her ribcage before he gently palmed her breast over her bra. He felt her relax under him, which is what he wanted, and he gently pressed a kiss to her shoulder as he pulled down her bra strap, repeating the motion at the other side. He slid his hands underneath her and she arched her back allowing him to pop the clasp. Taking another look at her, she nodded and he pulled the garment away, and he glanced down, taking in her bare breasts with a soft moan.

“Fuck, Han,” he groaned softly, his mouth dropping to her cleavage, soft kisses trailing up her sternum as his thumbs softly skated over her nipples. She wriggled a little, letting out a tiny whimper at his actions which encouraged him and he moved his mouth over to take over from his left hand, gently flicking his tongue.

“Shit, Ari…” she gasped, her hips bucking upwards slightly and he ground down against her, this time her noise was louder as she mewled at the contact, her hands fisting around the duvet at either side of her. He moved his attention to the other breast, repeating his action, drawing more noises and reactions from her, before his lips moved downwards, trailing over her belly where he gently rubbed his nose above the waistband of her panties. Glancing up at her again, she was watching him, her eyes wide with excitement and he hooked his fingers into the cotton, sliding them down her legs. He knelt up, taking a second to look at her before he parted her knees with his hands. He felt her shift slightly and looked up, that bashful tinge was back on her cheeks.

“Hey…” he said, looking at her as he pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee. "You trust me?”

“With my life, Mi lobo…”

That fucking name did things to him, and once more he found himself fighting to keep control. But knowing he had to take it slow he did just that, trailing soft kisses up the inside of her thigh before he reached his goal and gently slid his tongue up her entrance, causing her hips to buck again.

“Easy firefly…” he mumbled gently, his arm looping over her waist to keep her still as he gently lapped at her, teasing her sensitive bundle of nerves before his tongue poked deeper into her, fucking her with his mouth. She writhed as much as she could, her breathing deep, almost at a pant and he glanced up to see her head was thrown back against his pillow, mouth forming a perfect O shape, and her hands were flat against the bed. With his spare one he reached up, taking her right hand and he placed it on his head, where she gently gripped at his hair. As he continued to eat her out, god she tasted amazing, her fingers tightened, and at one point she pulled on his hair to the point of it being painful. He let out a groan and she stopped and he glanced up.

“Sorry….” she began to apologise but he shook his head.

“Don’t, I like it.” She arched an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t give her much time to think about it as his mouth set to her once more. As he continued alternating his attention between her entrance and her clit, her breathing became nothing but a sharp, staccato pans and he felt her legs beginning to tremble.

“Oh, God, Ari…” she keened above him and he gave a little grin as he upped his speed slightly., “I’m…gonna…” and with that she gave a loud cry, her hips jumping upwards as her body trembled. Her legs became rigid for a second before she relaxed, completely boneless in the after throws of her orgasm. Knowing she’d be sensitive, he moved away slightly, wiping his mouth on his arm as he crawled up her body.

“Good?” he asked, already knowing the answer as she was utterly wrecked beneath him, but he wanted to hear it from her.

“Yeah…really good…” she panted, her eyes flickering open to lock onto his before he kissed her again. She was clearly feeling a little braver now as her fingers grasped at the waistband of his boxers and she pushed them down. He shuffled out of them before he practically fell over her, propping himself up on his elbows, and she looked at him for a second, her hand pushing into his hair.

“You got any….” “Top drawer.” he nodded, to the nightstand. She shuffled slightly and he sat back on his heels, his erection hard and slapping against his abs as she found the condom and handed it to him. He easily tore it from the packet, and once he’d carefully rolled it down over himself he moved forwards again, so he was settled and lined up. Taking another look at her face, once more making seeking assurance she was absolutely sure, she nodded and slowly he began to push into her. She tensed up a little, her hands gripping at his forearm and he took his time, gently moving his hips until he was fully sheathed inside her.

“You ok?” he panted, she felt tight and warm around him and fuck, it was euphoric.

“Yeah…” she assured him. “Just go slow.” “I got you sweetheart.” He gently pressed a kiss to her mouth, moving his hips back before he slowly pushed into her again, and again, taking his time, keeping his eyes focused on hers as he caged her between his arms. He gently pressed a kiss to her hair line as he ground into her again, causing her breath to catch in her throat, but it wasn’t in pain. No, he could tell she was enjoying this. Taking that as encouragement he repeated the action and her hands tightened around his biceps.

“You alright?” he asked, his voice ragged and she nodded eagerly.

“Feels good.” she panted, as he pushed up against her, his hips bumping hers as he continued his movements, picking up the pace ever so slightly, but all the time being careful to still take his time. Her hands hooked round his shoulders and he pressed a bit more of his weight onto her as he found a slow, steady rhythm. It wasn’t long before he began to feel the warming deep in the pit of his stomach and balls, and he really wanted to get her there again, but was now beginning to question how much longer he was going to last. His lips met hers, the kiss desperate, and she cried out into his mouth as he pushed deeper. He could feel her fluttering around him and he knew she was close.

“Come on Firefly…come on…come on…” he said, his breathing deep in between each word as he nudged at her chin with his nose, gently nipping along her jaw line before he softly sucked at the point under her ear and with another push upwards he felt her tense and she gave a desperate mewl once more, her nails digging into his shoulders, before she stilled completely, her mouth slackening, eyes fluttering shut as she tightened around him, her release crashing over her in wave after wave. A few thrusts later Ari found his own, the coil in his belly finally slapping and with a loud cry he came, hard, his hips stuttering before they slowed completely and he gently fell forward, his face burying into her neck. He stayed still for a moment, waiting for the world to tip the right way up again, and he moved his head to kiss her, both his hands holding her face before he pressed his forehead to hers. She smiled at him, her lips once more meeting his as her breathing started to even out.

“I didn’t hurt you?” he asked softly and she shook her head.

“No, no you didn’t.” she smiled “That was…that was perfect Ari…”

With a loud groan Ari finally brought himself off and felt the hot, white ribbons streak over his abs as he gently worked himself through his release. With a sigh his head fell back against the pillow and he gave himself a moment before he reached over for a tissue from the box by his bed.

“That was perfect Ari…”

Hannah’s voice echoed round his head and he swallowed as he cleaned himself up. Yes, it had been perfect, he’d loved the fact he’d been her first. Something no one else could ever claim. With a sigh he tossed the tissue to the side, his breathing deep as he settled himself down for the night, the earlier tension and unrest he had been feeling slightly abated. Jerking off to his own internal filthy thoughts was nowhere near as good as the real thing but for the time being, a memory would have to do.

**** Chapter 7

[fantasy2739]

YES please continue the Merlin surviving Excalibur!! Maybe something about the toll that helping Merlin took on Douxie?

Hi, I’m sorry this took so long but I really wanted to nail it down properly. This defo goes through the last episode but unfortunately no Charlie. I couldn’t find a way to fit him in.

Link to part 1 if you want to read that first:

https://fantasy2739.tumblr.com/post/626333110868541440/can-you-please-do-a-fix-where-merlin-survives

So this is part 2 of the Merlin lives AU!!

I really hope you like it!!

“Our first priority has to be getting Nari away.” Merlin said firmly. They had gathered around the counter at HexTech. Hisirdoux was leaning heavily on his staff and the counter. Merlin stood next to him, ready to catch him if he passed out.

“But what about Jim?” Claire and Toby asked simultaneously.

“We cannot just abandon Master Jim.” Blinky said.

“We have to.” Merlin said. “His soul is lost.”

“It’s not.” Morgana interrupted. “Claire and I saw it in the shadow dimension.” She put a hand on Claire’s shoulder. “Do not fear, I will help you save him.”

“None of it will matter if the Arcane Order gets Nari.” Merlin said bluntly. They were still outside. No doubt waiting for them to reveal themselves.

“But you said if they don’t have the Genesis thingys it’ll be fine, right?” Toby pointed out. Merlin sighed.

“True but we can’t risk that.” Merlin agreed. “If they find Nari it won’t be long until they find the seals. Even if they don’t, they could force Nari to help their schemes.”

“We’re going to help Jim.” Claire said. “Either help us or get out of here.”

“Get out? The Arcane Order will eat you alive.” Merlin said with confidence. He knew they couldn’t defeat the Order, even with him.

“Enough of this. The Arcane Order is outside. We should make our own plans.” Morgana said. Claire, Toby, Krel, Steve, Blinky and Aaargh left. Nari looked at Merlin nervously.

“Merlin.” Hisirdoux panted out. “You taught me that all life is precious. We can’t just abandon Jim. After everything he’s done.”

“Hisirdoux.” Merlin began.

“No.” Hisirdoux breathed. “You made me a Master Wizard. You have to listen to me now.”

“I know you want to save your friends.” Merlin tried again.

“It’s not about saving my friends.” Hisirdoux interrupted. “We can’t leave Jim to live the rest of his life like that. It’s not right, it’s not fair. You’re taking the easy way out.” Hisirdoux panted heavily, clinging to the counter. Merlin stepped closer but was waved off. “‘M fine.”

“You are not fine.” Merlin insisted. “I’m taking you and Nari and getting out of here.”

“I’m not going.” Hisirdoux said.

“You’re in no fit state to argue.” Merlin said, grabbing him around the waist. “Nari, we’re leaving.”

Maybe throwing himself off the the flying ship was a touch dramatic but Douxie thought it got the message across. They hadn’t even taken off, so it wasn’t like he fell far.

“Hisirdoux!” Merlin yelled. “What were you thinking?”

“That you’d listen?” Douxie replied. “I told you, I’m not going.” He sat up on soft dirt. “I’m not abandoning them.” Merlin looked like he was about to tear his hair out.

“Hisirdoux, we are leaving.” He said in frustration, helping him to his feet.

“I’m going to help Jim!” Douxie shot back.

“You are not!”

“I am!”

“I’m not letting you!”

“You can’t stop me!”

“I’m not losing you again!” Merlin practically screamed. Douxie took a step back. Merlin looked down, sighing and taking a step towards him. “Please Hisirdoux, I can’t lose you.” The hands on his shoulders felt heavy but warm. Douxie looked into the cool blue of his mentors eyes and saw something he never saw. Fear. Merlin was never afraid. Merlin never said please (or he did, but sarcastically) to him. And something ached in Douxie’s heart. Something told him to stay, run away with Merlin and everything would be fine.

“They need me.” Douxie said sadly, pulling away. “I know we need to protect Nari but I need to protect them.” He started to leave, watching as Merlin outstretched his hand with an open mouth.

Getting back to HexTech from where they’d parked the ship took a while, especially at his sedate pace. Archie walked next to him nervously.

“Are you sure you want to do this Douxie? You’re awfully exhausted.” Archie prodded. Douxie huffed as he turned the corner to see ice everywhere. “Oh dear.” Douxie clenched his fists.

“The Arcane Order.” He snarled. “At least they didn’t get Nari.” He hurried into HexTech to find Krel. After waking the young Akiridian up and finding out exactly what happened Douxie tried to think of a plan. His head was pounding and his breathing was getting more erratic. He leaned heavily against the customer service counter trying to think of anything that could help.

“They’re going to offer a deal.” Krel said. “Nari and the Genesis Seals for our friends.”

“They can’t have them.” Douxie said. “What we need is a way to trap them...” His eyes lit up as a plan formulated in his mind. “We need to get to the fallen bit of Camelot. With a shard of the Heart of Avalon we can create a time loop. And then trick them into taking it.” Krel’s eyes widened.

“Lively.” He said. “But how are we going to trick them?”

“Maybe a fake Genesis Seal.” Archie suggested. “A simple illusion spell might work if it’s only for a short while.”

“Good idea Arch.” Douxie said, attempting to stand up. He nearly keeled over, Krel catching him last minute. “Blast it, I don’t think I’m up to much more than standing right now.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing I came back.” Merlin said from the doorway. Douxie’s eyes widened. “Now what reckless plan have you thought up?”

“You’re here?” Douxie asked in surprise. “I thought protecting Nari was the most important thing right now?”

“It is. But someone recently reminded me that all life is precious.” Merlin said with a smile. “And that we should do what is right, not what is easy.” Douxie had never felt so relieved in all his life. He stumbled towards Merlin, toppling into his arms for a big hug. Merlin tensed but wrapped his arms around him after a moment.

“Thank you.” Douxie said quietly. Merlin patted his head.

“Now this plan?”

The plan worked, sort of. At least, Bellroc and Skrael were fooled by the illusion of the Genesis Seals long enough for Douxie to pull an old shell game scam on them. They jumped in after the fake in seconds. Douxie was winded but managed to walk a little to where the ship picked him up. Nari stood on board, having stubbornly refused to stay behind. Douxie thought it was ironic that Merlin had possibly managed to find the most stubborn people on the planet to take into his care. Krel was steering as Merlin readied himself to fight Arthur once again. They reached the Arcane Order ship and boarded as quietly as they could. Reaching the room filled with ice was easy enough but both Jim and Arthur stood guard.

“Back for more death.” Arthur jeered. Douxie grimaced at what had become of the king. Archie breathed, freeing Aaargh to fight Jim while Merlin tried to keep Arthur occupied. Every swing of the cursed form of Excalibur at his mentor reminded Douxie that this wasn’t the Arthur he’d known. This was the Green Knight. Someone no longer caring. Something no longer human. Douxie set about freeing the others.

“You came.” Claire said, hugging him. “I knew you would.” Douxie smiled before turning to Steve and freeing him.

“Any plans on Jim?” He asked as the floor shook from Aaargh hitting Jim.

“My shadow magic might be able to get through to him. Overpower the other magic controlling him.” Claire said.

“Then let’s get him down on the ground.” Toby said, swinging his hammer. “You’ll have more room to pull out some moves.”

“We all will.” Claire agreed.

“Krel is on the ship.” Douxie said. Toby and Aaargh managed to connect a blow to Jim’s head at the same time and he was out. “Go straight down, take a right, then straight again.” Douxie winced, still feeling drained of energy. “We’ll be right behind you.” The others took off, leaving Morgana, Merlin and Douxie to face off against the Green Knight.

Something was wrong with his apprentice. Merlin could tell from the wincing and the stumbling. He knew Hisirdoux. He had large enough magic reserves, not to mention he seemed to build it back up again quickly enough. But right now it looked like he couldn’t levitate a twig. If Merlin had noticed, well it wouldn’t be long until Arthur did. Archie seemed to be trying to tug the boy away, but he was moving stiffly. Merlin saw Arthur move towards Hisirdoux before he did. It was almost like watching in slow motion. And Arthur would have killed him. Killed the closest thing he’d ever had to a child. If Morgana hadn’t thrown half the ceiling at him. Merlin was by Hisirdoux’s side in seconds.

“I’m sorry.” Hisirdoux said. “I’m still not feeling right.” Merlin put a hand on his shoulder.

“Morgana!” He called. The sorceress looked over at him. “I’m leaving Arthur to you.” Something flickered across her face. Relief? Trust? Understanding? It didn’t matter. One minute she was throwing shards at Arthur the next; she’d shoved them both out the window yelling about gravity. Merlin doubted it would kill them. He pulled Hisirdoux’s arm over his shoulder and started to help the boy walk. Something sizzled in the air.

“Look out!” Hisirdoux yelled, yanking them both down behind a pillar. The fireball seared past them leaving a smouldering crater in the wall.

“You little brat.” Bellroc snapped. “Trapping us like that.”

“Weren’t you just an errand boy?” Skrael asked with icy humour. “A little thing relying on more powerful wizards?” They were trying to get a rise out of Hisirdoux. And maybe it would have, if the boy had the energy to move half an inch.

“Wait here and don’t.”

“But master.”

“But master me.” Merlin said with a smile. “Archie keep him here.”

“Oh I will.” Archie said with a frown. No doubt something to do with Hisirdoux not telling him how rough he really felt. Merlin stood up.

“Merlin?!” The Arcane Order hissed in twin surprise.

“Still alive.” Bellroc snarled. They asked several fireballs at him but he dodged each one. The duel was fast paced and violent. Merlin managed to keep it diverted from Hisirdoux, hoping to give the boy enough time to gather his strength and run. But Bellroc and Skrael knew he was nearby and were trying to catch him defending somewhere. Merlin just prayed that Hisirdoux could at least defend himself. The battle raged. Blow for blow. Fire. Ice. Rage and violence. Screaming, howling, hateful. Never ending.

Time slowed. Merlin could not take them on alone. He was still healing from his own brush with death. Although he seemed to be doing better than Hisirdoux. The looming face of death came once more. And again Merlin was ready. Because he wasn’t just being stabbed by Arthur this time. No. He was defending his apprentice. Giving those children time to escape. Time to save their friend, even if he did not see how they could. He was slowing the Order down. And all those things were something worth dying for. He was ready. He just had to make Hisirdoux leave.

“Tenebris exilium!” Merlin yelled, taking them both on at once. “Hisirdoux. Get out of here. Protect Nari. GO!” He prayed that his apprentice would just listen for once. He needed him safe. Needed him to live. Run, Merlin begged, please run.

“Tenebris exilium!” Hisirdoux yelled, standing next to him. Archie in his dragon form, adding his own bit of power. “Not without you. Sorry Dad, but I’m disobeying you one last time.” Merlin stared at Hisirdoux. He’d just called him... why couldn’t his boy be selfish just for once? They were powerful together. But weakened by the previous battle, while Skrael and Bellroc were fit and healthy. The ship shook from the sheer might of the combined magics. Thunder howled and lightning split the skies. Blue ringed Hisirdoux’s eyes as he was sure green did his. The blasts were too powerful and Merlin felt himself being thrown. He closed his eyes as they once again tumbled through the sky.