#i hope everyone is having better sleep experiences than i am because god fucking damn this sucks SO fucking bad

[piplupod]

heart pounding for extended periods of time while trying to go to sleep even though i am on beta blocker now. fuck me and fuck my need for sleep i guess !!

[noturaverageceleste]

Writing Class Thoughts

Really had to listen to poems about sports. This class is too long. I want food. I've been so mindlessly hungry lately. I think I'm just bored. I need to channel this energy into getting job interviews. The scheduling has me fucked up though. I'm going home in less than a week. But just to visit. I do have my class schedule planned out for next semester so I guess I could apply for that scedule and wait for a job next semester. I think that would do. I gotta ask my parents about it. I'm out of money now. I only have a month and a half left for this semester but I have no income and my bank acounts are pretty much dry. I need to find another way to make it through this next month and a half before going home for the holidays and working for 3 weeks. So much on my mind. I'm having issues being present recently. It's just not fun right now. I'm glad I got everything out of the way and don't have much work left here. But damn, I just eating my boredom away and just playing sims. I am acting like I'm on break but i'm not. I need to get back to reality.

My god this class is bleak. These poems are so boring. sorry to the class but these poems don't make sense. So far, only one was great but I couldn't say anything cause I would just be repeating everyone else. It was that good!

This bitch is such an INCEL! Asexual queen I guess. This school need more expereince. How did I end up n a school full of socially awkward horny nerds? Was this my energy in high school? the way i was out here hooking up with dudes in the basement of the school says otherwise. wtf?

I LOVE THIS KID! HE'S SO THEATRICAL! Go off king! read ya own poem to the class! I know he knows he ate! He should voice the new hunger games film good lord! Voice acting skills on point! Read me to sleep on audible king! Only nerdy kid at this school i respect! not true. I respect them all. But still! Go off king!

The way my professor didn't know what his poem was about bahahahahaha. Man poured his heart out in this damn poem and he says "yea i had to google that" bahahahahahaha I love this class.

THIS MAN ON HIS WEEB SHIT IM DEAD! THIS SHIT ABOUT A DAMN VIDEO GAME! GO OFF KING! I SEE YOU!

I can't focus on this shit. Like I really can't. I think this class is just not working for me. These people annoy me. Not even everyone just a select view. Their energy is so low vibrational. These people need healing.

Interesting how asexual people exist. But there is a difference etween asexual and a-romantic. It's funny how people tend to put the two together. I think that asexual people can have romantic love but just don't know how to have that because society makes us think that all romance is sexual. It's not. Love is love and can be expressed in so many ways. I hope that girl in my class finds that. Someone she can love romantically but not have to be sexual with. That's almost every girls dream I feel. Not mine though. Give me the sexual experience!

"Sexual heallinnggg"

Is this about someone on their period??

Bitch you are a body huh? I bet a man wrote this.

This actually a good poem. damn. I spoke too soon. That's the thing with poetry. I need to read it multiple times in a row in order to get it.

I think I know who's poem this is. She over there smiling and twirling her hair. She's nice. Despite how annoying she is, she's very smart and bright and has a sharp mind. She notices more than she says too. I just know it. Very introspective. But damn she can talk ya ear off and be hella annoying. Oversharing queen.

wow! leaving class early once again. This class chill. I take back all my negative thoughts. Sike! All feelings are valid!

I fucking knew it was her!

Damn did this asexual bitch take a nap somewhere? good lord! these kids just out here sleeping in the library. Ghetto! go shower queen.

Wow I need to chill. Bout to get my free bread tho heheheheh

yea, this poem was cool. She should do more art. She's way better at it than she thinks. She said she get's told she's a great writer and then she says 'yea i know" go off bitch! Excited to see her presentation tomorrow in our other class.

I always gotta pee the most in these bodycon dresses. Gotta get naked just to pee like why?

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch. 2

Ch. 1

Summary: Cassanda Awkward Asshole Dimitrescu

---

After a couple weeks of doing normal maid chores, Nicole was not expecting to see the dungeons again. Not after Cassandra’s little “failed experiment”. But all good things must come to an end eventually, don’t they? And to an end they came when a faint buzzing reached her ears mid-mopping the floor in one of the main halls.

 Two gloved hands were placed on her hips, pinning her in place, while Cassandra's chin came to rest on her shoulder. She inhaled deeply before finally speaking. 

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" 

Yes you very much are. 

"Of course not, my lady." 

"Good good. Sadly my study is quite a mess again and I was wondering…" one hand came to teasingly caress Nicole’s cheek. “You aren’t busy tomorrow, are you?”

She wasn’t. In fact, tomorrow was Nicole’s day off, something that she would bet on a lifetime supply of coffee that Cassandra was well aware of. It took every ounce of self control not to let a groan accompany her next words.

“I am not.” Asshole.

She felt herself being spun around, Cassandra’s face uncomfortably close to hers. “Be there by ten then.” And, with the sickle now under Nicole’s chin, “Don’t be late.”

And just as easily as she appeared, Cassandra dissipated into a cloud of flies and made her leave. A sigh of relief got caught in Nicole’s throat when she noticed the other two sisters standing in the doorframe opposite from the one Cassandra flew out of. They both gave her an amused look, seeing the faint blush on Nicle’s cheeks and, to her dread, they both approached her. Bela was the first to speak, thankfully keeping her distance.

“So what exactly is your deal? Immune to all the blood and gore, hm,” she hummed, eyes inquisitive .

“It’s been a while since Cassie was so dead set on scaring someone,” Daniela chirped in from behind and Nicole had to force herself not to snort at the nickname.

So that’s what this was about. Lil’ old Cassie was throwing a hissy fit because one person in this castle wasn’t cowering and bowing at her feet the moment they saw some blood splattered on her otherwise beautiful face. If she had to work in this hellhole of a village, then at the very least she could get some mild satisfaction out of annoying the family sadist. With the other sisters however, there was no point in hiding what her “deal” was. 

“I worked as a medical examiner.” At a raised blonde eyebrow she specified, “I used to examine dead bodies. Autopsies and all that.”

Bela’s face turned from mild shock to amusement, her eyes darting to the younger sister who straight up started laughing while the eldest, at least trying to keep her composure, chuckled. 

“Oh this is gonna be interesting,” the redhead said through giggles.

---

Nicole really had hoped that Cassandra meant 10 pm, with how the Dimitrescus were nowhere to be found during the early day, and she would still have the day to herself until night came. That idea went completely out the tinted windows when, at nine thirty, the head chambermaid came to remind her of the change in schedule. She quickly downed the remaining coffee from her cup while mentally cursing and bolted to her room to change into proper attire, then out the door she went. 

Where was she even supposed to meet the brunette? The doors to the dungeons were bolted shut and she doubted Cassandra would oh so graciously escort her this time. Then again, Lady Dimitrescu did say that she had to be supervised. She got her answer when the doors opened with a click and a drawn out groan from the heavy wood. Cassandra was standing there, eyes scrutinizing as ever while giving Nicole a once over. Then she pulled out a pocket watch that looked at least a century old.

“You’re…” eyes narrowed at the small silver object. “Seven minutes early. Oh you’re as annoying about being on time as Bela aren’t you?”

Well you did make it a point to tell me to be on time, you absolute hypocrite. Instead of voicing her opinions though, Nicole settled for following the other girl deep into the castle’s undergrounds, through damp and oddly warm corridors. The giddiness was back into Cassandra’s demeanor, golden eyes occasionally turning to the small redhead walking behind her with an expression of barely concealed glee. This was definitely not good news. 

It took about .5 seconds to notice what got the brunette so happy when they entered her study. The room was definitely cleaner than the first time, only a handful of devices were dirty and the floor needed some mopping. The tables however... One was covered in fresh blood and the other had a dead body sprawled on it, partially covered by a stained sheet. Oh the irony.

While Nicole was cleaning the unoccupied table, she was facing the brunette, somehow trusting her even less with a scalpel in hand than with a sickle. Not that watching her absolutely botch an autopsy was much better mind you. 

Has nobody taught you about the Y incision?!

That's too dee- congrats you’re making a mess.

That cut needs to go lower. What, are you afraid of some balls?

Oh my god are you trying to take the heart out before even taking care of the guts-

“What is it?” Cassandra’s voice came with a low growl, then a slight cock of the head. “You’re staring.”

“N-nothing,” Nicole stumbled over her reply, realizing too late that her hand had stilled on the rag she was using to clean the blood.

“One thing that I hate more than being disrespected is being lied to.” The warning was clear in her tone. “So I’ll ask again: what is it?”

Nicole was sure that being criticized was something she would hate even more, so she made the split second decision to go with a white lie.

“I just...find autopsies quite fascinating.” Well, in a way she did.

“...You do?” Golden eyes widened in what was probably the first truly genuine emotion Nicole has ever seen on Cassandra’s face: surprise, and a hint of curiosity. 

When Nicole reaffirmed her reply, the brunette’s eyes stayed on her for a few long seconds, trying to find the traces of a lie. When she found none, she just dismissed the other girl with an awkward cough and a “Those knives won’t clean themselves.” 

A tense silence fell on the room, only disturbed by the occasional clink of metal tools or the sloshing of organs being handled by the brunette. After the table was wiped to a reflective surface, Nicole moved on to mopping the blood trails on the floor. She was grateful for the chance to step away from Cassandra, if only for a bit. After the floor too was clean, it was time to wipe the few dirty blades, thankfully not as many as last time. She took a dagger from its holster on the wall and carefully ran a piece of cloth over the blade, washing away dried crimson clots. 

As much as it was probably a bad idea, she couldn't help throwing a subtle glance behind her at Cassandra. A few organs were placed on the table at the body’s feet, and she was taking notes in a leatherbound notebook that looked well used. The idea that she had any interest in the bodies beyond being food gave Nicole an oddly nostalgic feeling. It sent her right back in high school, when one of her friends who took art history classes was telling her all about how da Vinci used real dead bodies in order to study anatomy. Yeah, da Vinci but the more attractive versio- fuck.

She hissed and retracted her hand as she felt the sharp blade cut her wrist and almost dropped the dagger. The effort to conceal the pain was there, but useless as Cassandra was by her side in mere seconds. 

"Oh did you cut yourself?" She asked with feign concern, and grabbed her hand. "Here let me help you with that." 

"Oh no I'm okay really no nee-" 

Nicole's words died in her throat when Cassandra stuck out her tongue and dragged it, slowly, across the cut, collecting every last drop of blood. To top it off, she let out a low moan and gave the soft skin there a small nip, successfully making the redhead’s breath hitch. Now any normal and sane person would think I still have a knife in my hand, I should use it, but Nicole would be lying to everyone and then herself if she said she didn’t have a thing for danger. And it doesn’t get much more dangerous than this, now does it.

“Mm...you taste wonderful.” 

Was she supposed to thank her?

“You’re lucky you intrigue me, otherwise you would make for some fine wine.” She finished with her trademark cackle.

Oh she was definitely not getting a thanks now. Nicole rolled her eyes slightly, tugging her hand away. She was half expecting Cassandra not to release her, but instead she let go of her wrist and, with a giggle, she returned to her work without another word.

---

That night, Nicole made damn sure to wash the cut until her skin felt like it would have a permanent sensation of pins and needles. Once a bandage was securely wrapped around her wrist she sat down with a cup of tea, not quite ready to sleep yet. How ironic would it be if she died of an infection while living in a castle where people are literally turned into food and wine.

Although in all honesty, she was quite certain her death would be far more entertaining.

[arvinsescape]

Too close.

A/N: This one is a pretty fluffy one but i stumbled across the concept and just had to use it, i really hope you enjoy! I enjoyed writing it!

Summary: At what point do you realise you’re too close to your best friend?

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of smut and implied smut but nothing bad.

W/C: 2.4K

Everyone had always said you and Tom were too close to just be best friends. You’d been best friends for so long and completely inseparable. People thought that when you grew up you’d grow apart somehow but you never did, you only grew closer. People always assume you’re a couple no matter where you go or what you do. His girlfriends always hated you for some reason and your boyfriends always hated him, said you were too close and it was weird. Sure, you were close but how close is too close?

You cuddled all the damn time.

You were sat with the rest of the boys having a film night and of course you were sat with Tom. Your back against the arm of the chair and him sat between your legs as you played with his hair. He sighed in content as you continued to run your fingers through it, he found it comforting.

“When are you two gonna get together?” Harry suddenly said as you halted your movements for a second.

“What do you mean?” Tom asked.

“Well you’re so close I’ve thought something has been going on for years.” Harry shrugged.

“What you can’t be close to your best friend?” You asked.

“There’s close and then there’s you two.” Harrison interjected.

**

You were in bed cuddled up in your blankets when you heard the front door open and shut, Tom must be home. You leapt out of bed and ran down stairs quietly as to not wake the other boys, tackling him into a hug as he laughed.

“Missed you so much princess.” He said as he squeezed you tight into his chest. Princess. It was a nickname he exclusively had for you and Tess. Sure he had pet names for his girlfriends but he had always said that princess was exclusively yours. That had started at your prom because he said you looked like one and the name stuck.

“Missed you too Tommy.” You said as you squeezed him back. Tommy. A nickname he couldn’t stand coming from anyone else other than you. It was something you’d always called him and you were the only person who got away with it. Not even his exes had been able to call him that without him cringing but when you said it? He smiled.

“I’m gonna go for a shower, wanna get the plane smell off me.” He said into your hair as he kissed the top of your head and moved away from you and up the stairs.

You made your way back into your bedroom as you heard Tom quietly move around his bedroom and take a shower. You heard the water shut off and five minutes later your door was creaking open. He had his pj’s on and he was smiling at you as you returned it from your curled up spot on the bed.

“Shift over.” He said and you did as he grabbed the duvet and climbed in next to you. You laid your head on his chest as he ran his hands through your hair. This was normal, you shared a bed often as both of you slept better, of course you never did if either of you were seeing someone or in a relationship but when you were single? You rarely spent a night apart unless he was away.

“God I’ve missed how warm you are.” He mumbled as he tightened his grip around you and you smiled. “I’ll tell you all about filming tomorrow but for right now I’m so tired and I haven’t had a good nights sleep in weeks.” He mumbled as you snuggled further into each other, letting sleep take you both.

You slept together often.

You and Tom had lost your virginities to each other. You both wanted someone you trusted to be your first time and couldn’t think of any other person you trusted more. It was sweet and it was fun and everything you would imagine losing your virginities to be. Tom was careful and sweet and took care of you before and after.

After that you found yourselves relieving each other often. Whenever one of you were horny the other would help out as best friends do, right? This ranged from all kinds of sex, rough, passionate, shower, morning, phone, you name it, whatever you were in the mood for you did. You didn’t think much of it, loads of people slept with their friends. Of course you never did this when either of you were in a relationship or seeing someone.

You also discussed anything sex related, good experiences, bad experiences. You discussed everything and anything sex related. You tried all sorts together, if either of you wanted to try something new you tried with each other because you could trust each other and you didn’t feel embarrassed about brining it up or not enjoying it.

You held hands a lot.

You’d decided to join Tom on his morning walk with Tess and as you were walking around the park he suddenly grabbed your hand and interlocked your fingers. You smiled as you squeezed his hand slightly. You held hands quite often when you were walking, you’d done it for years and neither of you thought much about it. You held hands when you were sat watching TV together. Or when you went to the cinema or well whenever really. It didn’t seem to matter, your hands just seemed to gravitate to one and other.

Your social medias are full of pictures together.

Your social media was almost mostly pictures of you and Tom and Tom’s pictures that weren’t promotion? Were you and Tom. Special birthday messages would appear on your social medias every year to each other. People thought you were together and you had to correct them and tell them that you were just very close friends. Of course the internet claimed you were too close and you’d never thought much about it until today.

You’d just split up with your boyfriend, Nick, you’d been together for four months and he’d told you he was in love with you. You couldn’t say it back, you found him attractive, of course but that spark hadn’t started so when he told you that his had you broke it off so you didn’t string him along. He wasn’t happy.

“I never stood a fucking chance did I?” He shouted at you.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You snapped.

“You hold me to some ridiculous expectation that he’s set.” He growled at you and you rolled your eyes. Every single one of your exes had claimed that you were in love with Tom and that’s why you couldn’t love them back.

“He’s my best friend Nick. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You two are way too close. It’s intimidating living in his shadow.” He shouted again.

“I haven’t once said that I compare you!” You screamed.

“You don’t have to. You probably don’t know you’re doing it.” He snapped. “You know what? It’s my own fault, I saw the way you looked at each other when I first met you. I should have gone with my gut that you could never fully want me back. I’m leaving, do yourself a favour and start being honest with yourself or you’ll never be fucking happy.” He snapped before he made his way out of the door.

That was an hour ago and here you were, sat on the couch, talking to Tuwaine who had heard the whole thing because he happened to be in.

“I don’t get it Tuwaine, he’s my best friend why do people always think I’m in love with him?” You sighed.

“I think you know the answer to that.” Tuwaine said with a sad smile. “It’s me now, be honest. Why can’t you love any of these men back? Don’t answer straight away, I want you to really think.” He spoke again and you sat as you thought about it. Really thought about it.

They’d all cuddled you. Just not like Tom. They’d all been good in bed. It’s just Tom was better. They all played with your hair. Tom was just more gentle with it. They all held your hand. But their hands never felt as soft but at the same time rugged like Tom’s. You posted them on social media. But it was still full of you and Tom. They all comforted you when you cried. But Tom was the only one who knew how to comfort you properly. You told them everything. You just always told Tom first. They cuddled you in bed. But you still slept better when Tom was next to you. They all tried so hard to gain your heart. But they couldn’t because it’s Tom’s.

Why couldn’t you love them back? Because you are in love with Tom.

“Oh.” You simply said and Tuwaine laughed.

“Finally!” Tuwaine said. “Watching you two pine after each other whilst simultaneously being in a relationship has been the strangest thing I have ever witnessed.” He laughed and you furrowed your brows.

“What?”

“Come on. You sleep together, you cuddle all the time, you’re practically obsessed with one another.” Tuwaine said and you furrowed your brows deeper.

“It’s not funny Tuwaine, what am I gonna tell Tom?” You asked.

“The truth?” Tuwaine said as if it was the most obvious and easiest thing in the world.

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?” You worried as your heart beat sped up at all the possibilities running around your head.

“I have a hunch it’ll go the way you want it to.” Was all Tuwaine said as Tom came through the door and your heart jumped into your throat.

“Hey!” Tom said, face lighting up as he saw you.

“Well this is my cue to leave the house for a while.” Tuwaine said loudly.

“What?” Tom asked confused.

“I am not sticking around to listen to you two fuck.” He laughed as he made his way out of the door.

“What’s his deal?” Tom asked eyebrows almost in his hairline. You realised that this was your moment. You had to tell him, for you. Nick was right, you’ll only be happy if you be honest with yourself.

“I broke up with Nick.” You said.

“Oh princess, are you okay?” He asked as he went to make his way over to you but you put a hand out to stop him. He looked at you confused before you sighed and closed your eyes before opening them and speaking.

“Tom, I don’t really know how to say it so I’m just gonna say it. I’ve come to a realisation today and I need to get it off my chest. I am in love with you and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I think deep down I’ve known for a while but I’m in love with you.” You said and you felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders, it felt right to say it. You hadn’t looked at Tom yet, finding anything else in the room to stare at as you spoke. He didn’t say anything and your heart dropped.

You closed your eyes one last time before looking at him, ready to face the heart break but as soon as you looked at his face it was plastered with an amused grin. You furrowed your brows.

“What?” You asked.

“Finally.” Tom said. What?

“What do you mean finally?” You asked almost gobsmacked. You’d just told him you loved him and this is his reaction? You’d pictured many, but not this.

“What I say. I know you are and I’m in love with you.” He stated, amused smile still plastered all over his features.

“What, you mean, hang on. What?” You stumbled over your words.

“I’m in love with you, I’ve known for a couple of months, after I broke up with Lucy. Tuwaine made me see sense.” He said and you looked at him gobsmacked. Why hadn’t he told you?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You voiced your confusion.

“Well you were still with Nick and you seemed pretty happy and I didn’t wanna upset you in case you hadn’t come to the realisation yet.” He shrugged and you laughed, genuinely laughed.

“So this entire time we’ve been running around playing house together and all we had to say was ‘I love you’ and we’d have saved ourselves all this time and effort on other people?” You laughed the more you thought about it. It really was ridiculous, everyone always said you were too close because you were always in a relationship without realising it. “I feel a bit ridiculous for not realising sooner.” You said.

“Yeah I felt like that until I realised that we’ve been close for so long it’s hard to pinpoint when I started loving you more than a friend, it just seemed so normal for us, you know. Tuwaine and Harrison called us soulmates.” He laughed.

“Not sure I believe in those but if you’re it then it’ll do.” You teased as he mocked offence and made his way over to you. “We always do fight like a couple.” You said as you realised Tom was the only person you ever had an argument with that was fuelled by passion. He hummed.

“We always do post about each other like a couple.” He said as his hands found your waist and yours found his shoulders.

“And hold hands like a couple do.” You said as his face inched closer to yours.

“Cuddle like a couple to.” He whispered face inching so much closer.

“Have special nicknames for each other.” You whispered, faces ridiculously close now.

“We most definitely fuck like a couple.” He whispered one last time, lips ghosting yours before closing the small amount of distance and capturing your lips. It was passionate and full of all the love everything you did always was. Your hands found his hair as you lightly tugged and he pulled you impossibly closer by your waist, tongue skimming your bottom lip for entrance which you happily granted. You stayed like that for a while before Tom eventually carried you upstairs. Tuwaine was smart to leave when he did.

[marchioness-caprina]

You Like Me Not?

{ Final Part }

Pairings : Takami Keigo ( Hawks) x Reader

Writing Style : 3rd Person

Warning : Cussing, Stalker Tendencies, Toxic Tendencies.

Word Count : 2947

Read; { Part 1 } , { Part 2 }

3rd Person's POV

A month has Passed. Yes a whole Month has passed and y/n was surprisingly doing well; in the surface at least.

Inside. Not so well but at least she's coping up a lot better than a few weeks ago where she'd often cry herself to sleep, even in the showers. The lingering pain was still haunting her like there's no tomorrow but now she's getting used to it.

After all, First love is usually the greatest and the most painful experience.

Instead of moping around and sulking, she began investing her time and effort into being a Hero. And the effort paid off greatly; her performance was improving and she's proud to say that she's on par with the top three of the class which mainly consists of Izuku, Todoroki and Bakugou.

She was finally getting the attention that she deserved, plus it takes her mind off of Keigo and his jerkass.

However, at the end of the day she felt so empty and devoid of something---someone she longs for. And she will never accept that it was Keigo she was looking for.

But she needs to stay strong and let go of those people who can't even appreciate the little things she does; she won't let them bring her down. No, not when she's finally seeing something big for her up ahead.

Unfortunate as the saying goes ; All good things will come to an end. And for y/n, that is today.

Their class was split in groups for an Activity. Y/n along with Kirishima and Mina and Izuku were paired up to patrol the busy part of the city where crimes are mostly committed.

And guess who their Hero guide is? Yup one of them is Hawks and the other one is Enchanting.

Y/n who had a smile on her face seemed calm on first approach but inside she was cussing her heart out for the terrible luck she's got.

It had to be two of her worst nightmare. How charming.

" You Kids doing fine back there? " Keigo asked, his eyes never leading the road and beside him was a bored looking enchantress.

The two were their Hero guides for today and everyone was ecstatic. Except for y/n.

" Yeah we're good! " Kirishima answered for everyone and y/n was thankful that she didn't have to exchange a few unnecessary words with Hawks.

Her attention was now caught by the Broccoli boy right next to her who was vigorously writing notes down on his notebook.

" Oh my gosh it's the Pro Hero Hawks " Izuku was becoming a mumbling mess as He continued to scribble. His pace was a beyond anyone y/n had ever seen and she was very much intrigued by Izuku's unwavering determination.

" You know Midoriya-san, you're actually really handsome up close" Y/n muttered and izuku froze on the spot; heat rising up his cheeks as he tensed. Slowly he turned to see the h/c haired girl who was smiling at him tenderly.

" I-I-I... Umm... T-Thank you Y/n-san... A-and... You're really handsome too.... W-wait I mean n-not handsome because you aren't a g-guy w-what I meant to say was... P-pretty.... You're really pretty" Izuku gushed out and as much as y/n tried to contain her laughter she couldn't keep a straight face and began laughing at Izuku's Adorable antics.

Izuku was going red due to his rising embarrassment as he began to stutter out another list of explanation why he accidentally said it.

But their little conversation didn't go unnoticed by Keigo and Enchanting.

" Wow, she moves Fast. Better try Harder Birdy. As far as I see it; she's sick of you and look she's a boy magnet. You're gonna lose if you keep this up " Enchantress casually gave her comment and Hawks gave her a narrowed look.

" Shut up miss ' I'm a hundred years old' you better hope she'll be mine by the end of the day, I've pulled a lot of strings to get her here and it ain't easy " Hawks kept a calm expression; his lips tugging up into a smirk as he continued " This was your fault to begin with. If I can't win her over today.... Well you're gonna get wrinkles starting tomorrow. I'm not a very forgiving fellow"

" We'll see Hawks... We'll see "

" Oh, we Will "

" Hey! You two lovebirds better stop flirting and Tell Kirishima here that Cats are better than Dogs! " Mina exclaimed and with how loud her voice was; she caught everyone's attention within her first attempt.

" I told you Mina, Dogs are Manly. And they earned the title of Man's Best friend. They're dedicated and Loyal but I wanna know who you guys will vote for" Kirishima replied as he glanced back at the still very flustered Izuku and A Smiling y/n.

" W-well.... I think I prefer Dogs than Cats... Sorry Mina " Izuku gave Mina an apologetic smile as Mina pouted before turning to y/n.

" Come on y/n you gotta be on my side on this one " Mina pleaded and Kirishima pulled her away.

" That's cheating Mina, don't pull the pity card on Y/n. That's so not Manly... But.. Well which do you prefer y/n? "

" Hmm... Well... I----"

" I vote for Birds. I heard Birds are very reliable companions miss y/n. I assume that you feel the same way? " Enchantress piped in and y/n gave her a raised brow but she managed to catch on to what enchantress was saying.

" Oh? Well I understand the reason why you Like Birds Enchantress; I do too... Well I used to anyways but to answer your question I prefer Dogs... Sorry Mina. I like how a Dog will be loyal to you till the very end"

" Hmm? So you're saying Birds aren't Loyal? " Enchantress chimed and y/n's chuckle made Kirishima, Mina and Izuku shudder.

Her laugh was cold and forced; her eyes landed on Enchantress and a teasing smirk was now displayed on her face.

" Well Enchantress, Upon Personal experiences... Then my Answer is No. Birds aren't Loyal at All" Everyone shivered at her response simply because y/n had took the risk of jumping straight onto a landmine. Because Hawks had a bird based Quirk.

The temperature dropped to negative and even enchantress seemed to be affected by the sudden change of the atmosphere.

" Really Now? You wound me Baby Bird " Keigo's smile was passive aggressive and y/n didn't hesitate to return it.

" Don't call me That Hawks. And stop acting like you know me"

" I'm very Hurt by your words... Especially about your opinion on Birds. I for one am very Loyal "

" Nah, I Love dogs but I also like Bunnies... Take izuku for example. He's cute, shy and smart like a Bunny. Not Cunning, Manipulative and Sly Like a... Hawk" Y/n countered as she placed her Hand on top of Izuku's Head petting him gently.

Her action made a growl rip itself from Keigo's Throat and everyone froze at his aggressive reaction.

" Sure, I may be Cunning, Manipulative and Sly... But you forgot one thing Baby Bird "

" And what is it Hawks? "

" Hawks are Birds of Prey... And They are Very Possessive " Keigo answered, his Fetagers began to Bristow and sharpen; eyes trained on y/n's figure as he slightly lowered his stance.

" Huh? Why would I need to know tha------ahhhhh! " A scream was heard as y/n disappeared from her place as well as Hawks.

Unfortunately she was brisked away by the said Hero at A speed far top fast for the human eyes to follow.

" What the!? " Kirishima , Izuku and Mina who were knocked down on the ground after the Aerial impact of the winged hero were stunned as they frantically looked around for their Female Classmate who had vanished into thin air.

" Let them Be kids " Enchantress muttered as she gestured for the teens to follow her.

" B-but--!".

" Let. Them. Be..... Seriously I don't want to have any wrinkles because of that damn Cocky Hawks .... So let them be or else "

________________

" Hawks! Put me Down! " Y/n demanded, she was brisked away and slung onto his shoulders like a bag of potatoes and now Hawks was flying away and note that they are far from the ground.

" As you wish"

Y/n could practically feel the smirk in his voice and her heart dropped along with her body as she screamed for bloody murder because Hawks was being a Jerk and dropped her in Mid-air.

" Keiiiiigooooo! " Her scream was more of a threat and after 15 seconds of falling in Mid-air she was once again brisked away by the winged Hero who was smirking at her.

" God... I missed it so much when you used to call me by my name and not ' Hawks ' or ' Takami' " Keigo chuckled as he faced the girl who was holding onto him for dear life.

" Ah... Shit I almost died" Y/n hissed as she began shifting in her position, her legs were tightly wrapped around Keigo's Torso, her arms had snaked themselves around his neck and don't even get him started on how hard she was pushing her body against his.

" Easy baby Bird. Don't. Be too feisty with me... I might lose control " Keigo whispered bit he was met with a scowl.

" What is wrong with you? Can't you just leave me alone? If you think this is funny well it's not. I don't want to see or even hear you" Y/n spat out as her heart began pounding in her ribcage from both the adrenaline and embarrassment .

Hawks didn't answer and just gave her an intimidating glare that almost had her shrinking and burying her face on his chest.... Almost.

" Sure you don't want to see me... But really? Leeching yourself on every single boy who comes near you? You're driving me crazy Little Bird. I almost became a serial murderer because of you... Picture this... Pro hero Hawks; the first Hero to Murder a student because of Jealousy " Keigo bitterly laughed .

" Keigo... What the fuck are you saying? ---"

" I'm not done venting!, you think it's fun to mess with my head? Where the fuck were you over the past few weeks?! Seeing another man? While I stayed in my office drinking a huge load of bullshit? Driving myself crazy in that room anticipating when you'd show up again!? And now....now you have the guts to flirt with another man right in front of me " Keigo was pouring out all of his frustration right in front of her and he was far from being finished.

" For a moment there I almost considered the possibility of becoming a murderer... Just because he touched my Girl... He stole your attention away from me... I fucking waited and I resisted the urge to fucking drag you to the nearest alleyway y/n----"

" Cut to the fucking chase Keigo! "

" I Love you y/n! That's what I was trying to say Baby Bird. I Fucking Love you! " Keigo panted out and Y/n was more than speechless.

She didn't know what to feel, she didn't know how to react. After all that? And the effort she made to move on... Now... Now he's being so difficult and telling her he love her?!.

" Keigo, if you think a bullshit excuse like that is enough then you're wrong! Have you had any idea how hard and painful it was for me? How much I had to endure became I loved you? Damn well you don't and you don't have the right to slap this shit right in front of me you bastard! I cried myself to sleep and... And... You... ---" She couldn't finish her sentence when tears began to flood her eyes and was now cascading down her flushed cheeks.

She began sobbing and hitting Keigo's chest which has done absolutely zero no no damage at all.

Keigo's only response was to hold her in place and tighten his arms around her waist; letting her vent.

Of course he was awful to her. He was one hell of a fucking idiot to do this to the woman he loves.

He told her everything, it was true. He barely had any decent sleep and worked his ass off while waiting for her return. He didn't want to carry that habit of being an obsessive stalker. Of course he didn't tell her about how he had stalked her multiple times, he didn't want to scare her. But all of it was true. Including the jealousy part.

" I'm sorry Y/n....i really am--"

" Sorry ain't cutting shit you Jerk! Just when I'm moving on you stomp your way back in! "

" No y/n....don't ever move on. Stay here with me... I know this may sound toxic and shitty as fuck but hear me out... I know it hurts but bare with me... Don't move on.. Stay even if it hurts.. Don't leave me and give me every thing of who you are... No matter how painful it is "

" You selfish prick! Do you realize how greedy you sound! You fucking maniac! "

" I know! I know... But all my life I've been deprived of everything I actually wanted.. I was told to be this and not that... I never had the chance to actually have what I want so please y/n....allow me to be selfish when it comes to you... Let me be greedy and give me You. I don't care if I'm selfish because I'm only selfish when it comes to you.... So please. Beat me up, hit me, stab me... I don't care but just don't Leave me" Keigo growled; angry at his words and his selfish desires bit he couldn't help it.

Y/n who was still sobbing her heart out was listening to every word he had uttered. She fought back the idea of actually giving him a chance. She knew Keigo was sick to the bone but she's even worst knowing that this type of guy had attracted her and lured her to love him.

How... Why is she so soft when it comes to him? Is this how love really is? Because if it is... Then she doesn't give a shit. She wants him too. But she isn't going to make it any easier for him. If he wants her then he better earn her, No more miss nice y/n.

And He wanted her... He needed her and he isn't just about to let her go. He'll hunt her down even in hell.

" Keigo... You.... Ugh... I... Shit... "

" Is it working y/n...am I winning you over? "

" Only because I loved you Keigo you prick "

" Correction You still Love me...so be my girlfriend?"

" Whatever. Just so you know, I'm not saying yes to your proposal. You gotta earn me you fucking retard and it isn't going to be easy"

" I knew you were going to say something like that. And yes I'm ready to make those sacrifices for you, Just... No boys " Keigo smirked as he cradled the girl in his arms.

She still had her arms wrapped around his neck as he landed on one of the very few skyscrapers in the city.

" No can do Keigo... Your Baby Bird here is a Boy Magnet---" Upon seeing how fast Keigo's demeanor had shifted to something more gruesome she shut up immediately and nodded her head.

" You too Chicken wings... No girls for you"

" No can do, your Bird man here is a lady magnet " Keigo smirked returning her words at her.

Y/n rolled her eyes and reached her hand up to paw on his blonde hair; giving them a harsh yank but before she pulled him down, her lips meeting his in a rough and demanding kiss to avoid any form of kinky retort from Hawks.

Keigo immediately responded and took full control of dominance as his lips moved in sync with hers. Rough and passionate, but unfortunately Keigo was getting a little bit handsy; his hands made its way towards her thigh giving it a harsh squeeze but before he could do anything else she pulled away covering his mouth with her hands when he tried to catch her lips again.

" Nuh uh Keigo. We're Going slow "

" Ugh... Nice job being a Kill Joy Kid...tsk.."

" Fuck you Keigo"

" Why don't you do it yourself you Coward "

" Oh I will Keigo "

" Really? I don't mind breeding you right here if you wan---"

" Eww Keigo shut up. I was kidding. I want to be a Hero before becoming a Mom"

" Yeah, Good luck with that because I think you're gonna be a momma anytime soon because you said Yes to Me"

" I didn't say jack shit like that Keigo" Y/n snapped as she began squirming in his hold with Keigo chuckling and laughing at her poor attempt.

" Relax. I was Kidding-- "

" Thank Goodness for a moment there I actually thought you we---"

" Maybe "

" Keigo! "

End~? ♡...............

[oh-boy-me]

Casual Outfits Discussed

@themarchinghare Ok >:3c

These hot takes analyses and opinions are based entirely on the concept art of the demon brothers’ casual outfits.  So any in-game features not present in the concept art aren’t discussed.  We’re looking at the outfit as a whole, but occasionally we do talk about individual features.

Also please don’t take this seriously, we just had a lot of fun shitting on the Seven Power Avatars of Sin, Rulers of Hell Itself™’s questionable fashion sense.  I would still die for these boys, terrible taste in shoes or not.

Participants in the discussion were

Jo ( @jodaneko ), my roommate and an art major with storyboarding and character design experience

Justin ( @justinlester0629​ ), my go-to fashion expert for at least a decade and very possibly a future male model

Noodle (Me), untrained eye and resident fashion decade disregarder

With the exception of a few choice quotes, our thoughts and conclusions are all mixed in with each other.  Quotes are mildly paraphrased.

Lucifer:

The colors are good; the blacks and grays are all in the blue-gray family, and there’s a pop of color with the gold belt and red vest.

But he paired a black suit with brown shoes????  SIN

“You should always match your belt with your shoes and those shoes are not gold.” —Justin

Justin on the coat: “I love it, the pattern of the inner lining is throwing me off but it’s not bad, and the fur is perfect because it’s associated with power.”

Me on the coat: “I don’t know about you but I bet that coat looks dumb as shit if you put your sleeves through it.”

WITHOUT the coat though his cuffs scream “I am dealing for blackjack and rolling craps.”  Lucifer looks like he could walk into and out of a casino whenever he pleases and everyone would assume he works there.

“Dress shirts don’t work like that.  He got a size too big.” —Jo

The belt isn’t doing anything functionally, but it’s very important because it balances things out from being too top-heavy.

Out of the belt, shirt cuffs, and coat cuffs, two of them should have matched.

We’re nitpicking because in general it’s a good design.  Lucifer has no taste in shoes but that aside is capable of dressing himself.

Mammon:

“That’s western Danny Phantom if I’ve ever seen it.” —Justin

Very nice coat 10/10 would wear.

The colors are odd, he mixes black and brown too, but the other colors mixed in makes it work in a cute way.

“The only things that clash are the shirt and jeans, he could replace the gray shirt with either a black one or a lighter one to match the boots.” —Justin

He’s got a cat toy on his belt.  I admire his preparedness for feline encounters.

The cat toy also balances out his rings nicely, since the toy is on his left hip and the rings are on his right hand.

The yellows in the shades, belt, and cat toy are placed very nicely and are the best part of the outfit.

Honestly except for the shirt color and the fact that fur-lined boots are out of style we don’t have much bad to say about his design.  Mammon’s casual outfit lives up to his model career.

Leviathan:

“Ugh, god.” —Justin

The headphones don’t match with anything, and ever color he’s wearing is so bright they REALLY don’t match.

Headphones aside he chose ok colors to supersaturate, but also like, supersaturation is very very loud.

It kind of looks like he bought two different tracksuits and forgot they were two different outfits.

The pants don’t match themselves.

“He color coordinated his pant cuffs and his shirt and thinks it makes it ok.” —Jo

The jacket itself is nice, the pins are really good and I appreciate that they’re opposite the stripes in his shirt.

Justin hates the gray stripe though because it looks like either part of the jacket or a girl scout sash.

“That shirt should not be collared.” —Jo

“The shoes look like what Kanye West would design but if they were sold on Wish.” —Justin

It’s kind of just… he took the RGB color wheel and went with it.  It’s just loud.  If he just changed some colors he’d be fine.  Leviathan please I have hope for you.

Satan:

“He looks like a gay prep school person.” —Justin

Satan wore 100 shades of green and said “yes this is peak fashion.”  And you know what, it objectively sucks but I’m kind of living for it?

Rip off jeans that can’t actually be ripped off because of the VERY stylish belt?  Iconic.

Green deep v-neck sweater over a gradient t-shirt and a jacket with the sleeves too short, this man only shops at Goodwill.

The one-shoulder jacket look gives the outfit some personality and I’m really glad he isn’t wearing it properly because looking at it alone I wouldn’t be caught dead in that jacket.

“While good for the design, it’s a mix between business and athletic and I’m not sure how I feel about that.” —Jo

(Jo also said some jackets are designed with sleeves like that but with the color choices it’s just… not good.  Justin pointed out that the sweater and jacket do match though.)

The chocolate loafer-style shoes take away from the rest of the outfit.

“Any other shade of green besides Crayola green would have been better for his nails.” —Justin

Listen it’s so bad it’s good, Satan’s fashion sense is “blue-green.”  We basically ripped into it the whole time but I’m pretty sure it was the universal favorite.

Asmodeus:

“Just from the back he looks like a cool dude and then the front of him screams douche.” —Jo

Asmo’s outfit is actually ok, but he has one fatal flaw: If he takes off his jacket it’s way too plain, but with the jacket it’s kind of too much.

It’s also kind of confusing, because it looks both casual and formal from different angles.  “I’m not sure I like the cut in the front with the t-shirt showing underneath.” —Justin

The shirt is nice but a color that contrasted his skin more would have been nice.

The pants are killer, and the white stitching matches the jacket really well.

The gold accents on the jacket are also good and would match the belt really nicely if the belt wasn’t some ugly mustard color.

This boy is wearing mustard belt and ketchup pants.

Inoffensive shoes which is really the best I can ask for with these boys.

“The scarf.  I like it, but I’m not sure how I feel about it because there’s just so much going on with both it and the jacket.” —Justin

“That’s not a scarf, it’s too long.  It’s like.  A really long strip of cloth.” —Jo

Anyway all in all there’s a little much going on in the front but it’s one of the better looks, good job Asmo.

Beelzebub:

Justin looked at the picture and immediately put his phone down.

“First impression is he looks like Naruto if he got his head lodged in Doritos.” —Justin

“He looks like he’s the carpet of the arcade portion of a skating rink.” —Jo

“He shouldn’t be wearing orange tones.” —Justin

Legitimately we were at a loss for words for a considerable time.  We just kept staring at it.

To start he’s got a lot going on but it feels like he looked in the mirror before leaving his room.  Not saying he did the best job but at least he looked at himself.

The jacket alone is great, but why is it fur-lined?  It throws off the urban design.

But finally some good fucking shirt.  We have mixed opinions on the triangles (I like them, Justin doesn’t but appreciates that the pattern continues on the back) but all like the cut.

Living for the necklace-bracelet combo.

Jo says the biggest problem is that there’s color-matching but in weird places and not enough of it.

Jo hates the pink belt and Justin hates the green suspenders; we concluded that one of them should have been excluded.

His choice in sneakers is not as bad as Levi’s but still not very good.  The laces shouldn’t be green.

This sounds like a lot of complaining but if he cleaned up the belts and ditched the fur it’d be a fine look.

Belphegor:

“Oh shit oh god.” —Justin

“The top half is for sleeping and the bottom half is for riding.” —Jo

Absolutely disgusting, mustard yellow pants tucked into brown lace-up combat boots?  Disgusting.

The shoes alone are nice but the mustard pants don’t work at all.  There’s no cutoff between blue and mustard.

Also he has really broad shoulders, just noticed that looking at this.  That has nothing to do with this but it does affect how his cardigan sits on him.

I personally would wear that cardigan, a hooded cardigan?  Everything I’ve ever wanted.

Justin pointed out that the button lining is weird, and the inside is a weird contrast with the pocket.  He’s right, but I think it’s an endearing mess.

Why do I look at him and feel like he needs to do laundry?  I think it’s the t-shirt.  It would have been better as a collared shirt, taking the hood off the cardigan in return.

You can’t convince me the avatar of sloth laces those boots every day, he sleeps with his shoes on and that’s a worse sin than sloth.

“The pillow’s not part of the outfit?  Oh thank god.” —Justin

Jo said we were being too mean and that it’s not the worst outfit out there, and from the waist up they’re right.

But damn Belphegor the condiment war called and they want the bottom half of their uniform back.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Headache Relief

Summary: Alistair Shepard’s got one hell of a headache and the medicine ain’t helping. Lucky for him, he’s got another relief option. Problem is he didn’t expect to see Garrus Vakarian involved with that. Fuck, maybe he should’ve taken a double dose after all...

---

There were times Alistair was glad to be human. This wasn’t one of them.

“Fuck…”

The expletive leaked from between his teeth as he stepped off the elevator and into his private quarters. Right then he was running on instinct, heading towards his desk and the drawer that held his only chance of functioning at a lumbering pace. At least he didn’t hit the wall as he slumped down to dig – that was a nice bonus.

The bottle of pills hidden under some paper was half full. He shook two out, swallowing them with a bit of the water he always kept on his desk for that reason. Then it was straight to his bed. The only thing he remembered to do was click off the light as he collapsed face down into his pillow.

Biotic headaches: L2s might have gotten them the worst, but everyone had to face them eventually. Consider it the cost of doing business.

Colors bloomed behind the man’s eyes as he waited and prayed for the medicine to take effect. Part of him knew his chances were slim – his headache had started on the shuttle, so he was clearly out of the full range of help. Still, even if it took the edge off, he could function in an hour or so. At that point it was all Alistair could hope for as he felt the pain pulse.

Yep… he had definitely overdone it with the biotics. Simple mission, his pale and freckled ass.

“You think Miranda would have reinforced that.” His words came out low as he muttered them into his pillow. No doubt the camera she had planted in his room would pick it up, and frankly he didn’t care. It was another point of data that was going to go on his report of things she had messed up bringing him back to life. Was it petty to have a list of complaints with the person who brought him back from the dead?

Probably, but who cared. She’d left him with a functioning uterus, she could deal with the fallout.

At least it gave him something to focus on as he lay there in the dark, begging for some relief from the little pills. Thanks to his medic training, he knew how long it would take for the medicine to absorb into his system. Experience was an even better teacher, however – his biotics would make it go even faster.

It was weird – they were the reason he was taking the medicine, but they were also the reason it worked faster to relieve the pain. Talk about a catch-22.

Alistair laid there for what felt like an eternity, pain still throbbing against his temples. The soft glow of his omni-tool told him enough time had passed that the pills should have worked. Much to his immense displeasure, he still felt the majority of the pain as he rolled over onto his side.

In times like this, there was only one other hope of relief.

Slowly, the biotic rose to a sitting position, head still pounding. He went for the small table beside his bed, digging through the contents. Eventually, he found what he was looking for, buried towards the back. It took a few seconds more, but he pulled it free into the darkness of his quarters.

“Well… at least I don’t have to clean the one in my toolbox for its intended use.” Alistair grumbled to himself as he flicked his vibrator on to make sure it had enough power. He quietly thanked the universe that it buzzed to life as he clumsily unbuckled his belt, then slid out of his pants and upper layer of boxers. At some point, his packer slipped and hit the ground, but he didn’t care. Right then, it was in the way of pulling down his inner layer of underwear.

He lay back on his pillow, naked from the waist down. Usually, he would pull his blanket over so the Illusive Man didn’t get a show, but right then his brain was overriding whatever sense of shame he had left in him. The bastard could get what he paid for as he flicked the power to a medium setting and then applied it. The vibration soon started to flood through his body as he closed his eyes and waited.

This was always the most boring part. Unlike most people, Alistair didn’t watch porn. He didn’t see anything wrong with it, mind you, he just had no interest. The one time he had tried, he had wound up trying to piece together how it had been edited during one of the more heated moments between the actors on screen. By the time he had realized he had been trying to masturbate, his vibrator had long since died and he was long beyond his occasional need to get off.

Such was the fate of one on the asexual spectrum, he supposed.

“Damn it, can’t this go any faster?”

Alistair grumbled as he flicked the setting a little higher than he normally preferred. Then he shifted positions, pressing it a little harder in the hopes that might do something. The sensation was definitely building in his stomach, but it wasn’t nearly to the point he needed.

He sighed, closing his eyes once more. This was probably the point people made something up if they had nothing to watch. He had certainly tried in the past, particularly in his teens. However, those flimsy fantasies never really held up, and more often than not faded to the blackness of the inside of his eyelids within a few seconds. Whether that was because it didn’t work or he was just really bad at constructing sexy scenarios, he didn’t know.

At least it would be able to distract him while he waited for the vibrator to do its thing…

“Come on, think. You’re surrounded by muscular men literally every day, you have to have something in there to work with.”  

Of course, those people were under him now. It made it a little hard to picture anyone like them… under him. Such was the downside of being a commanding officer: anyone on ship was off limits.

…

Well, technically he WAS still considered dead by the Alliance…

“I am only considering this because I need something to focus on other than the damn ceiling.”

Alistair sighed as he did his best to try and imagine someone based on the people around him. Like always, a body slowly materialized with plenty of muscle underneath him, fully erect and ready to go. It didn’t have a face – it never did, thank God – and something about the skin seemed rather plastic-like. More importantly… they were kind of a dead fish. Even as he imagined himself lowering onto the dick, there was no reaction.

It was because he was still a virgin, wasn’t it? He knew he should’ve paid more attention to that porn, but could you blame him? He just HAD to know what kind of camera they were using to film the climax scenes, it worked so well in low light…

“Damn it, Alistair, fucking focus on the fucking…”

But it was no good – the plastic body remained lukewarm, vaguely thrusting in time with the vibrator pressed against his oft ignored clit.  He was right back to where he had started, and his head still pounded. Sighing, Alistair shut off his vibrator and sat up. As soon as he did, his omni-tool began to beep.

54.

“Great. My head hurts, and I’m hypo.” He didn’t bother with fitting his packer back into his underwear. Instead, the Spectre grabbed his boxers and padded over to his emergency sugar supply. A small pile of pixie stick wrappers soon formed as he tried not to mope too much about his inability to fix his headache. At least the sugar made his lips stop feeling numb, but it wasn’t like he had to use them right then.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and dislodging the rubber band holding it back in the process. “Guess I’ll just try to sleep it off without the added headache relief.”

That was the great thing about being on the ace side of life – no lingering horniness thanks to his inept abilities.

With another sigh, Alistair made his way back to his bed. This time, he slid under the covers and closed his eyes. His head still pounded, but in the quiet of his quarters he found it a little easier to slip into sleep.

---

“Commander…”

“Vakarian, keep on. That’s an order.”

The body beneath him was hot, almost uncomfortably so. Without skin, the surface was hard and a little rocky where plates joined together. It was a little slick too, and not just because of the lube – carapaces were a fucking slip and slide in the bedroom if you weren’t ready for the angles. It was a little uncomfortable, but with positioning - and a little flexibility - things went where they needed to go.

The turian’s eyes were cloudy with blown pupils. He was breathing hard, grasping at the sheets. His erection had long since shown itself, now buried deep.  When he rubbed against it, the collision of their hips made him whimper.

“I can’t hold it much longer…”

He smirked and leaned closed to the strange neck ahead of him, lips barely ghosting against the hard skin. “Are you giving out on me, Vakarian?”

“N-no, sir…” He was panting, trying to rub. But there would be none of that. Alistair shifted his position to make sure he couldn’t find the relief. Beneath him, Garrus whimpered again, and his mandibles fluttered once more.

It was here that he took his time, carefully biting at the sensitive parts of the turian’s neck. The whimpering got so high pitched that the translator couldn’t work with it anymore, and his natural voice broke through. There was something primal about it, and even though he didn’t have full command of the words, it was enough to get him to smirk as he stopped biting and ran a carful finger between two plates.

“What was that?”

Garrus’ voice was breathy when the translator finally kicked in. “N-nothing, sir…”

His grip was iron on the sheets, and his entire body was trembling. There was the point of climax, and then there it was past it. Clearly, he was edging towards the latter. Alistair nodded as he shifted his position, lowering a bit more. Beneath him, Garrus whimpered again.

“You know what you have to say, Vakarian.”

The turian took a shaky breath, eyes so wide they reminded him of a cat. “Yes, Commander…”

Another shaky breath. “Permission to come aboard?”

It was at this point that Alistair shifted again, fully lowering himself against the turian’s sensitive member, nudging his head close to where he heard best. “Permission granted, Vakarian.”

With that, he rubbed the space between plates one last time, working a nail into right where it was the most sensitive. Beneath him, Garrus shuddered as he finally climaxed, his entire body shaking from the force. All the while, he held on, feeling the vibrations and pulse of the turian’s orgasm.

It was at this point he rolled off to protect himself from the withdrawal. The bad thing about turians was that their anatomy was all internal, regardless of gender. That meant Garrus needed to remove the condom before things got stuck and required an embarrassing visit to a doctor for removal.

“Sir… I…”

Alistair carefully removed the condom for the shaking turian, tossing it to the trash. “Can’t have you out of service, Vakarian.”

“Thank you…” Garrus’ voice was still shaky and going in and out of the translator, but his eyes were more focused. “And you, sir?”

This was the point the turian’s careful hand reached toward him, pausing. He knew better. But right then, Alistair allowed it with a nod. Cautious talons soon found his clit, already slick from a combination of the lube and his own heat.

Here it was faster. Garrus was a pro at getting him off with careful strokes that avoided the sharp side of his clipped talons. The heat was beginning to pool in Alistair’s stomach once more, but he fought back a grunt.

After all, it wouldn’t do to show that in front of his men.

---

Alistair’s eyes snapped open as he sat up. His head still ached, but it wasn’t really his focus then.  A familiar sensation of heat was growing in his stomach as his consciousness slowly filtered in. Without pause, he peeled off both the blanket and his boxers. Just like he thought, he was already wet and close to the point.

Barely breathing, he reached for his vibrator and flicked it on. Garrus’ strained voice and shaking hands were still in his mind as he leaned back and let it work. Just the thought of the turian so close to orgasm and unable to do anything about it caused him to shiver, and it was at that point that it kicked into high gear.

After a few seconds, he climaxed with a shudder and a quiet squeak of a moan. Sweating a little, he turned off the vibrations and just lay there in bed, staring up at the covered ceiling. Someone – probably his sister – had stuck glow in the dark stickers to the dark fabric stretched across the skylight. It looked like Orion’s Belt to him, not that he had ever seen it in person.

…

Yeah, he was definitely trying to avoid this.

“Man, fuck me…”

He sighed. On the bright side, the orgasm had done its job – combined with the medicine, it was easier to think now, and his pounding headache had reduced itself to a dull throb that he could work with. However, now he had a new headache as he sat up to head to the shower.

Garrus’ face was still in his head as he stripped and let the hot water hit his back. Just imagining it made his hand want to wander down from its spot pressed against the wall towards his clit. But he resisted the urge as he shook his head, water flying thanks to his wet hair.

“I can’t believe I went there with him. What the hell am I thinking?”

Alistair rested his forehead against the wall, groaning. This wasn’t the first time he’d had thoughts like this, though it was the first with someone he knew. As much as he hated to admit it, something about that kind of control excited him.

Which, given he was a fucking commanding officer, was a nightmare. It wasn’t like he got off to ordering people around, though; that was business, and he took no pleasure in it. These thoughts just popped up in his private life, in the rare internet searches he did in incognito and made sure his omni-tool was blocking everything out.

“And with Garrus… fuck.”

That was probably the worst part of all as he watched the water circle the drain. Things were better with the turian since they had met up on Omega, but there was being civil and… that. Honestly, it felt awful to him as he played it over again in his mind, closing his eyes tightly.

Awful… but also awfully hot.

His free hand brushed against his thigh, fingers finding his clit. As the water poured down, he rubbed slowly, playing the memory over in his brain. His mind kept focusing on the look on Garrus’ face, on his breathy voice breaking translation. Just imagining him whimpering on the edge of climax with nowhere to go made the heat pool in his stomach. Did the real turian look and sound like that when he was so close to the edge?

“Damn it, Vakarian…”

It came out under his breath in an octave he normally couldn’t hit unless he strained at the bottom of his range. Yet at the moment, it was almost effortless as he replayed the turian underneath him, writhing and unable to do anything about it.

Well, nothing except beg anyway.

Of course, there was a downside to jacking off in the shower. Given the fact he was just standing there, the motion activated lights stopped activating, and he was suddenly in the dark. The quick loss of light was enough to snap him out of the dream and take too quick a step back.

And then on his ass he went.

“Fuck!”

Alistair’s vision swam as he winced, reaching up to turn the water off as his ass throbbed from the force of 140 pounds falling onto it. Nothing felt broken, but there was definitely going to be a bruise once he dried off. Lucky for him, nobody was looking there anyway.

“Shepard, I detected a fall. Are you experiencing hypoglycemic shock?”

EDI’s electronic voice made the whole thing worse as he finally stood, soaking wet and feeling rather stupid. He grabbed for a towel and dried off, wincing as he reached his backside. That one was going to be spectacular.

“I don’t have my omni-tool on, EDI. I’ll let you know in a second.”

A few moments later, with a happy CGM, Alistair sat gingerly at his desk. Now he had two dull throbs to keep him company, along with the reminder of just what the fuck he had been doing a few moments prior. His cheeks colored as he rubbed the towel over his wet hair, trying to block it out.

“Shepard?”

Right, EDI…

“It’s fine, EDI. I just was in there too long and I slipped.” He paused, looking out from under the towel towards the blur orb. “Er, thank you for checking on me.”

What could he say, apart from jacking off to the submissive version of his crewmate, he was a polite man.

The orb clicked off, leaving him to his brooding. Alistair groaned a little as he felt the bruise throb once more. Maybe it was the universe punishing him. Didn’t matter, still fucking hurt as he finished drying off.

“I’m probably going to have to avoid Garrus for a little bit.” He frowned. “Can’t have that happen again. It’d be too awkward…”

But then his eye went to his schedule. His stomach dropped at the sight. Thanks to his headache, he had totally forgotten that he was supposed to check the turian’s new implants to make sure everything was ok. As a matter of fact, he had an hour at best.

He could go to Chakwas for that, right? Right?

“I’m so fucked.”

The human rested his soggy forehead on the deck, mentally willing wherever his dream had come from back to whatever hell it had generated. Lucky for him, he was good at repressing things. With any luck, he wouldn’t even think about it by the time the turian got there for the implant check.

After, though? Well… he was pretty sure he was fucked. Next time he was just going to take a double dose of pain pills. After all, with that new stomach and liver he was pretty sure his body could take that kind of beating. It would be better than the other kind, to say the least.

[jonkentt]

sugar, butter, flour

for @lindir with songs from The Waitress

****

Sam wakes up cause the bed is empty. They’d just gotten back from a mission last night and were totally wrecked, so Sam hadn’t set his alarm for a morning run. The fact that Bucky was awake this early was a bit concerning. Sam knows the worry will nag him so he reluctantly rolls out of bed.

Bucky is in the kitchen, putzing around, and doesn’t notice Sam. There’s quiet music playing and when Sam recognizes the tune he’s even more surprised than finding his partner out of bed. Bucky opens a cupboard above his head and pulls out their ceramic pot of sugar.

my hands pluck the things I know that I’ll need, I take the sugar and butter from the pantry

Bucky sings along softly as he measures ingredients into a bowl. Sam’s face lights up like a sunrise.

I add the flour to begin what I am hoping to start, and then it’s down with the recipe and bake from the heart

He watches Bucky move carefully through the motions. Gently setting down bowls and quietly closing the cupboards so as not to wake Sam. He pulls put a big pan and sets it on their stovetop.

everyone wants to know what's inside, and I always tell them but I feel more than words can say

Bucky’s sweet dry voice singing along so softly sends an ache through Sam’s heart. He’s always loved those lyrics. Didn’t think Bucky was paying attention, but of course he was. Bucky remembers everything Sam loved. Even if he pretends not to.

Bucky bops his head from side to side as the upbeat notes of the next song start to play.

deep shit blueberry bacon!

Sam holds in his laugh. Bucky tests the heat of the pan. He carefully pours batter, still humming along to the music. Pancakes. Of course. Bucky’s breakfast of choice. He moves back and forth, swinging his hips just a little with the music.

and I like the way most of the days look exactly the same, order up!

Bucky does a little wave of his spatula with the last words, then checks the underside of his pancakes before flipping them. He watches them intently for another moment before lifting them out of the pan and pouring more batter.

when you need to be reminded that with days like these, we can only do the best we can

Sam bites his lip. It feels like someone lit a box of sparklers in his chest. God, how he loved the sound of that voice. By the end of the song, there’s a stack of perfectly golden pancakes. Judging by the strong scent of cinnamon wafting off them, they’re for Sam.

Bucky leans over the counter and taps his phone, skipping forward on the soundtrack. Because Bucky has to listen to the songs about baking, obviously.

even doubt can be delicious, and it washes off of all the dirty dishes

He pulls bags of nuts out of another cupboard along with a package of chocolate chips. A small crate of blueberries already sits on the counter. Sam shakes his head. Bucky always puts too much shit in his pancakes.

then I'll slice and serve my worries away

Bucky relaxed in the kitchen. Sam still wasn’t sure why it surprised him to find out Bucky enjoyed baking. But a lot about Bucky had surprised him the more they opened up to each other.

I can fix this, I can twist it into sugar, butter-covered pieces, nevermind what's underneath it

Bucky had gotten so fucking soft that it was near impossible for Sam to connect him to the assassin sent after Steve all those years ago. Sam didn’t think the friend Steve remembered could still be in there after so long, but now he was grateful that Steve was so pig-headed about saving him. Sam couldn’t count the number of times Bucky had been at his side since then. He just kept showing up when Sam needed him. More and more, Sam found himself leaning on his partner. Bucky was there when he cried, when he celebrated, when he was angry and confused. Bucky cared for Sam relentlessly.

make it soon, make it better, though better never lasts forever

He woke up early to make Sam breakfast. When the days were too long, he haggled Sam until they were both laughing. When the nights were too dark, they held each other close without a word.

Tenderness filled Sam’s chest, knowing that if he called a “g’morning,” Bucky would turn to him and smile. Those blue eyes would look at Sam like he was the reason the sun rose and flowers bloomed.

so with flour on my hands, I'll show them all how goddamn happy I am

Sam and Bucky were so good at hiding their pain. But around each other they didn’t have to. Tears prickle at the corners of Sam’s eyes. He sniffs.

Bucky hears it. For a second he looks like he’s going to be embarrassed about getting caught, then he notices that Sam’s holding back tears. He always notices. Sam blinks and Bucky is at his side.

“Angel, what’s wrong?”

Sam smiles and rubs his eyes with the heel of his palm.

“You just have to ruin perfectly good pancakes with all that extra nonsense.”

Bucky’s mouth drops open in surprise and Sam’s smile turns into a Cheshire grin.

“I enjoy an elevated breakfast experience,” Bucky reasons while intently searching Sam’s face.

“I’m fine, baby. Just tired. And you’re too cute.”

Bucky’s cheeks turn pink. “You sure?”

“I’m sure you’ll be eating burnt pancakes if you don’t stop fretting over me.”

“Shit!”

Bucky goes to rescue his breakfast and Sam follows him with a chuckle. He rubs circles on Bucky’s back while examining the array of trail mix ingredients on the counter.

“If you’re tired, you should go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Sam moves closer and curls into Bucky’s side. Bucky drapes his arm over Sam’s shoulders and kisses his forehead.

“But if I’m sleeping then I can’t listen to you sing.” Bucky’s blush spreads to his ears. “And you tried to tell me you didn’t like musicals,” Sam teases.

“Well, this one’s alright. She has a nice voice.”

“So do you.”

Bucky makes a skeptical hum in the back of his throat.

“Keep singing, Buck.”

“That’s okay.”

“Aw, c’mon. Please?” Sam reaches for Bucky’s phone and picks the song he wants. “This one’s perfect for you!”

Bucky recognizes it and groans. “Why this one?”

“Why?” Sam scoffs. He pulls away from Bucky so he has room to act along.

I don’t like guessing games, or when I feel things before I know the feelings

Sam levels a pointed look at his partner. Bucky turns back to his pancakes. The song already has a level of hilarity to it but Sam leans in to the drama. Bucky’s still focused on the stove and trying not to laugh.

what if I give myself away, to only get it given back?

Sam wails the lyrics in mock distress and Bucky’s shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. Sam cups Bucky’s face in both hands and forces him to look at Sam as he quirks an eyebrow.

I’m just fine, inside my shell-shaped mind

Bucky rolls his eyes. Sam falls back into character as the next verse starts. Bucky turns off the stove and leans against the counter to watch Sam, who’s waving his arms as he sings. Sam winks at him. Bucky shakes his head and laughs. He watches Sam with open fondness. The warmth of Bucky’s attention makes Sam feel like he’s glowing from the inside out.

Sam slides forward and takes Bucky’s hands in his. As he leans in, his voice drops, till he’s singing softly right in Bucky’s face.

even worse he could be very nice, have lovely eyes, and make me laugh…

Sam trails off as he steals a glance at Bucky’s lips.

what do I do with that?

Sam doesn’t finish the song. The look in Bucky’s eyes, when he meets them again, takes his breath away.

Bucky’s in love with him, Sam knows this. Once he figured out how to read Bucky, Sam realized the love was practically radiating off of him. But damn. It was the moment right after jumping from a high place and before opening his wings. That’s what it felt like to be loved so fiercely. It was more than Sam knew what to do with. So he just let the feeling wash over him, warming him from head to toe, as Bucky touched the tips of their noses together.

[thefanficmonster]

Quarantine On Crack...yet again

PART ONE 

Until Dawn Gang + Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Underage Drinking, Shameless Flirting

Genre: Crack, Humor

Summary: Time to check on our favorite gang who are still quarantined together and have still surprisingly not murdered one another. The lodge is still intact, which is promising. And everyone still has all seven of their limbs. How long will this simulation of peace last for is the real question.

Requested by my dear Until Dawn Anon who I haven’t heard from in so long 🥺 Hii dear! I have missed you tremendously! Here we are again to witness the craziness of our babies and I hope you’ll join me on the rollercoaster once again! Sorry it has taken me so long to write the long-ago-promised part 2 to the crack fic but here it finally is! Hope you enjoy it! Love and miss you, Vy ❤

“Alright folks, the delivery has arrived!“ I announce as Josh, Sam and I stumble through the front door of the lodge, each one of us carrying large boxes of food and toiletries. Bless the Washingtons for still sending us food, if I were them, Lord knows I’d either forget to do so or simply not do it because I didn’t feel like it. Hey, I’m not saying I hate these people, I’m just insinuating that they would not among my priorities had I been the one responsible to send them food. They should be in that case - but I’m being very honest when I say they wouldn’t be.

“Finally!“ Jess and Emily are so in sync for two people who supposedly can’t stand each other, it’s scary. Not that I wasn’t already scared of them to begin with. I just have a hard time dealing with them. But they are good in bed so I keep them around...

“What do you mean ‘finally’? We still have food from last week.“ Matt points out, a slight frown on his face when he lifts his head from the book he’s reading.

“We ran out of coffee capsules, duh!“ Jess says as though she’s addressing the most obvious thing to a person with very low IQ.

Matt does the smart thing of rolling his eyes and returning to his book. Speaking of which, I’m sending another blessing to the Washingtons for having the GRAND library here. I know I would’ve gone nuts and murdered half of these bitches if I didn’t have a book or two to keep me busy. That’s how things are with me, I either have a book to read or I’m committing a murder rampage. No in-between, at least not with these people.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs attracts our attention. Mike, Mr. Golden Boy comes down the stairs and plops down next to Jess, wrapping his arm around here, “There better be some beer in there.” He winks at me. Yeah, that’s Mike alright - has his arm around one girl, winks at another.

“I swear to God, if you two try to have a sword fight with empty beer bottles again, one of you is getting sent to the cabin.“ Josh warns us, taking on the parent role for once.

“Whoa there, Dr. Phil! Send us to the ranch next, why don’t ya!“ I roll my eyes at him, seeing his expression beg to change into a smile at my joke while he’s trying to maintain his no-funny-business look.

“Can we go unbox these things already? My arms are dead by now.“ Sam complains and doesn’t wait for an answer from us as she takes off with a rather fast pace towards the kitchen.

Josh and I are quick to follow. Much to my dismay, in order to reach the kitchen, we have to pass by where Emily is sitting. Since I haven’t already put in a request for a restraining order against her, passing within grabbing distance of her is risky as all hell. But you know me, I love risks. Passing in front of her I get ballsy and even give her the finger as I go. 

“You’ll regret that, Y/N! You’ll fucking regret it!“ She calls after me in teasingly threatening manner that almost makes me chuckle, however I keep my features as still as the ones of a statue and I don’t turn back around.

Sam and Josh have already cut the boxes open and have started moving the products from the box onto the kitchen counter and island. I grab the box cutter from its spot near the sink and cut the box open as well. To Josh’s dismay but my incredible luck, there are indeed a few beer bottles in my box. I cheer silently as I take them to the cooler.

“You know, Sam...“ Josh’s voice interrupts the silence just as I’m about to close the cooler. I’m honestly intrigued by what he has to say to Sam, and eavesdropping might be wrong, but it’s not like the fuckers can’t see me standing five fucking feet away! - so I pretend I’m organizing the cooler so I don’t have to return to the center of the kitchen where the two of them are crouched by their packages. A quick look over my shoulder confirms that they are indeed having a *MOMENT*, one I wouldn’t want to interrupt.

“Yes, Josh?“ Sam responds, giving me an urge to go grab some popcorn before any more progression happens. I know these two have eyes for one another, but they are both massive hypocrites! The are doing the very thing they hold against Chris and Ashley: hiding their feelings. Since I’m Josh’s unlicensed and unpaid therapist, I have a bit more intel on what’s going on in his head. It’s basically: 30% what am I doing with my life; 30% I need a drink; 40% Sam. You’d be surprised if you knew how often he mentions her when he’s venting. I’ve encouraged him to make a move countless times but it’s like trying to talk me into not killing Mike - impossible.

“You could melt the snow outside.” It takes me all my might to hold back from facepalming. Oh God, if this is what he thinks I meant when I said ‘tell her how you feel‘ he couldn’t be more wrong.

“Ok, lovebirds!“ I have never been happier to hear Chris’ voice. He saved me the trouble of having to step in and end the awkwardness myself. I turn around with a what I hope is a casual and friendly and totally not distressed smile. Behind Chris stand Ashley and Mike. “Need any help?“

“Yeah, you guys could come in handy.“ I tell them, waving them over almost desperately, “Ok, one of you help me with the rest of the things in the box. The other two can organize the shit that’s on the counter.“

I duck back down to continue unboxing. There’s bags of dried fruit, tea, the coffee capsules Jess was talking about, some spices which I’m not sure why they’re there but I’m not complaining.

“Heard you needed help.“ Oh for fuck’s sake, Mike again. Why couldn’t it be Chris or Ashley, or Satan for that matter. I’m really not in the mood to be cleaning blood off the kitchen floor tiles.

I tilt my head to the side and it’s only then that I realize how close he is to me. My eyes immediately travel to where I left the box cutter. “Back it up, Michael, or....“ FUCK IT’S NOT THERE. I swear I left it there! Where the fuck is it?!

“Or what?“ He reads my confusion and holds up his hand that is holding the box cutter I’m searching for. I’m afraid the more time we spend under the same roof the more experience he’ll have in defending himself and disarming me.

“Motherfucker...“ I growl and grab the tea and coffee capsules and stand up, “It’s a pandemic, damn it. Six feet apart at all times, buddy. I wish you’d put a mask over that mug of yours too.“ I narrow my eyes as I look down at him, resisting the desire to kick him.

“Only if you were the mask.“ Oh this fucker...he even has the audacity to stand up and step closer. Why are the four other people not noticing this? Ok yeah, cause they don’t wanna be witnesses to the murder of their old class prez. I got it.

“Six feet apart or six feet under, Munroe. Your call.“ He cockily waves the box cutter, not as a threat but as a remainder that I don’t have a weapon. “Bold of you to assume I need that to kill you.“

“She could always snap your neck.“ Chris pipes in.

“Or poke your eyes out.“ Ash does too.

“Or strangle you.“ Sam adds.

“The latter doesn’t sound so bad...“ He smirks at me, earning himself mortified looks from the peanut gallery.

“I. Hear. FLIRTING.“ Jess’ voice cuts through the tension that has built up in the kitchen. Mike and I turn to the doorway simultaneously as well as every other head in the room.

There is Jess looking like a pissed off cartoon toddler - aka: my escape.

“And I hear the void calling me.“ I catch her off-guard and put the items I was carrying in her arms, “I better go see what it wants from me. Byeeee.“

I all but hightail it out of there. I mean, say what you want about Mike’s shitty personality, or lack of personality all-together, but the fucker’s got sexappeal. Not that I’d ever admit it or fall under its effects.

In the living room I find Hannah and Beth with no traces of Emily or Matt. I feel slightly relieved, to be perfectly honest. Seeing the perfect stress relieving opportunity, I sit down next to Beth on the couch and lie down, placing my head in her lap. “Hi!” I give her a cheeky smile.

“You’re the Devil.“ Beth mutters without giving me as much as a glance. I turn to wave at Hannah and that’s when I see the chess board set up on the coffee table. So that’s what she’s so focused on.

“Oh please, you’ll make me blush.“ I fake a giggle and blow her a kiss while she remains completely unbothered.

“Whatever’s going on over there - I DON’T LIKE IT!“ Josh says menacingly as him, Sam, Chris and Ashley enter the living room.

“ME NEITHER“ Oh no, that’s Emily’s voice. Her and Matt have just walked into the lodge after another stroll - they have those when they wanna make out in private. Speaking of making out, I don’t see Jess and Mike anywhere, much to my relief - one of them wants to kill me at the moment but they both wanna sleep with me too so you get why it’s a situation I’d like to avoid.

“No jealousy, guys, please. I love you all the same!“ I prep myself up in a half-sitting position to give them an apologetic but seductive look when a pillow whacks me in the face, “What the hell?!“

“I thought you loved me more!“ Beth barks back angrily.

Well, I’m in some serious trouble now. Not only is Beth DEADLY when angry, but she also has two siblings who are more than capable of kicking my ass.

“I do! I really do, Beth, I swear!“ My apologies are put to an end by another hit with a pillow. “You know I do!“ I sit up completely and turn to look at Beth who has turned the opposite direction. “Pwease?” I give her the best puppy-dog eyes I can pull of despite feeling utterly ridiculous.

“So you do have a favorite member after all? And it’s not me? Wow, Y/N.“ Ash glares at me as well, crossing her arms and also turning away from me.

“I SECOND THAT.“ Emily stomps her foot down and storms out of the room

Oh fuck.

“I do too, honestly. I’m really hurt, Y/N.“ Matt the person I can always trust to be on my side has turned his back to me in this time of need.

Oh fuck squared.

“You’re in some deep shit now.“ Hannah laughs almost evilly as she leans back in the armchair she’s sitting in.

“Josh, could you set something on fire again? Preferably me this time.“ I mutter with a monotone voice. I’d like to picture there’s a rain cloud above my head just pouring down on me. And zaps me with lightning every now and then for good measure.

“Nah, that’d be too easy on you.“ This motherfucker....

“Oh so you WANT me to tell a specific someone what you think and say about them when they aren’t around?“ I change the meaning of ‘death glare‘ with this look I give him. I’m sure that if I keep staring at him like this long enough I’ll burn holes into his skull.

After a few moments of still silence and intense glaring he finally breaks, “Alright fine, I’ll get the deodorant and lighter.“

I sigh in relief. I suppose there are worse ways to leave this world...

“No!“

“Don’t you dare!“

“No way!“

Beth, Ashley and Matt all jump up as soon as Josh gives any effort to stand up.

“Washington, I swear to God!“ There go Emily and Jess in sync again as they both enter the room armed. Jess is only in her underwear but we don’t talk about that. What’s important is that she’s carrying the box cutter from before while Emily is armed with a dull butter knife. Knowing how determined she can be, I wouldn’t underestimate her power due to the lack of sharpness to her weapon.

Josh is rightfully stunned by the sudden turn of events and sits his ass back down with hands raised in the air. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.

“Y’all love me!“ I smile at them, putting a hand over my heart.

Jess turns to me in a split-second, angry as fuck, and points the box cutter at me. “Y/N, I swear to God-”

“Alright, alright, alright...“ I too raise my hands in surrender.

This is how shit goes down over here. Just pure fucking CHAOS, a lot of drinking, flirting and sex jokes. And so much wondering how we’re all friends.

[mallowstep]

(Reedwhisker anon)

If the Erin's do confirm that Reedwhisker was in the same litter as Prim, Pike, and Perch, the only way I can figure out why he went through two years of apprenticeship hell is, well, a Serious Head Injury. Maybe Tigerstar sets up something to make himself look better. Reedpaw is only 1/4 Thunderclan, so maybe a 'show,' to make it look like he's going to have Reedpaw killed, and he talks to Darkstripe about it. Darkstripe accidentally messess up, maybe or maybe Reed hits his head on a rock during the whole thing before Tigerstar can do his whole generosity thing and spare him, and well. Everyone is confused when Reed doesn't get up, and then maybe he has a seizure or something? Idk Canon isn't my mess to fix.

Misty AU, I can actually see Mistyfoot just...physically pulling Reed close to her after Tigerstar is killed, and that's when Shadowclan realizes that oh. Reed is related to her. It's kinda even funnier if he looks like her, but they just didn't place it.

Leopard AU...if Misty is with Thunderclan's battle party when Bloodclan is introduced and Tigerstar dies, and Reed is with Riverclan's cats after Shadowclan flees, I can also see her just...walking over and lifting him up by his scruff and walking back to Thunderclan's party and Firestar is like...wat.

Stormpaw: "That's Reedpaw! He's Mistyfoot's kit." *he tells the fire pelted leader, before butting his head against Reedpaw as Stonefur attempts to get Misty to set Reed down, but it's not going to well.

As for the whole Tigerheart name thing....this boy personally voices his opinion to Twany next time he sees her too. He tells her directly to her face that she is a shitty queen, and a hypocrite.

But for The Kin and Darktail thing...in Canon, if he's from a second litter, I feel horrible for Misty. She's lost her first litter, Stone, Storm, and Feather, and now her son...is prisoner to Darktail. In Misty AU and Leopard AU...I cannot not see her going absolutely feral. Feather trying to keep her calm but Feather's regressed a bit, terror for her brother shining in her eyes, and Storm's pacing back and forth in Thunderclan camp, tail lashing. Stone probably wants to pull a rescue (if he's still alive) but Misty can't put Thunderclan or Riverclan in danger anymore then it is. Hawk, Moth, and Frog all uneasy and unhappy and twitching. They just don't know what to do. Maybe those three with Alder, Violet, and Twig stage a rescue and get everyone out. Or he's stuck as a prisoner to the Kin until Darktail is dead. Either way, big family cuddle pile every night for a moon or two. Maybe longer with Misty and Feather.

(Tried breaking this up with spaces, hope it works.)

yes thank you...greatly appreciated.

ooo that head injury idea is good! i like that a lot. yes. very good. i'm unlikely, like. i don't really care about reedwhisker as a character so shrug, i'll probably never do anything with him and the weird age stuff, but i like this as a solution! yes. very good.

dfjkldas yeah ohmygod. reedwhisker and mistyfoot walking to a gathering together and russetfur is like "oh my god we're all fucking idiots."

heh yeah. she probably would be! her and stormpaw. and she sees reedpaw and is like. "THAT'S MY FUCKING SON" and is very happy to see him. thunderclan comes home with more cats than it left with. but everyone is so happy to see him again. he's so happy to see everyone again. good reunion times.

mistyfoot is Not letting reedpaw out of her sight for like. at least three days. probably longer but at least three days. reedpaw is fine with that. he's very excited to see everyone. stonefur. god. yes. good family reunion times.

and yes -- god. i love. okay one of like. my fav things about tawnypelt (in the misty au) is this disbalance in their experiences. because -- to be clear, tawnypelt is also traumatized by tigerclan. but her experience is so fundamentally different like -- hm. it's not even.

excerpt time yes. some stuff from tnp i'm many whiles away from publishing.

so feathertail like actually doesn't remember very much of tigerclan. not in any specifics. it's all a very hazy mess with some key moments.

Feathertail wants to make her name them all, but Feathertail doesn't think she knows what they are. "What are you apologizing for, Tawnypelt?"

to face the burning heat

but tawnypelt does

"I—" remember how you screamed, Tawnypelt's mind supplies. I remember when I didn't understand. I remember everything, Feathertail. "I'm sure. I'm sorry for that, and every other time."

trying not to face what i've done

and yet. it's a hugely formative thing for feathertail, in a way that like -- tawnypelt doesn't get.

"No, we can't, can we?" Feathertail says. Her posture has changed, her ears folded back, and Tawnypelt shrinks.

trying not to face what i've done

like tawnypelt recognizes what's going on but she doesn't realize how deep she's cut

Brambleclaw is watching them. He has stepped back, Feathertail realizes, there is nothing between Tawnypelt and herself. She could — she could leap. Feathertail is frozen, her hindlegs refuse to move, she can't — she can't do this.

to face the burning heat

and yeah. so what's my point?

well, it'd be the same thing here, wouldn't it? because again, tawnypelt is one of tigerstar's victims. everything else aside, he's not like. he's emotionally abusive to her. he ties her self worth to his approval and he's not afraid to twist that thread to keep her under his thumb.

"Stop fucking whining," he snaps and she flinches.

let me write my own line

so to her like -- yeah. her whole decision kind of makes sense. because tawnypelt is -- not intentionally, but she's a very selfish character.

"What are you apologizing for, Tawnypelt?" Feathertail says this like it is a question, like they are not both staring at the result of everything Tawnypelt has done. Brambleclaw is watching in silence. I'm sorry, brother, she thinks. "Say it," Feathertail spits. "Tell me what you're sorry for."

trying not to face what i've done

like she's --- she's worried about her perception, here. it's complicated because she does apologize, she does let it come out, but she's also very concerned with her own image.

and that happens again when she names her son tigerkit. because she's thinking -- i am reclaiming this. but to everyone else, she's naming her son after a monster, she's openly invoking that comparison, like. i already think tigerheart has a very very complex to negative relationship with his name.

(especially once he becomes leader.)

so with that in mind -- yeah. first of all rip tigerheart for the comparison but second.

reedwhisker is Not having it. 0%. what the Fuck are you Doing tawnypelt.

i think -- honestly, i think mistyfoot would be angry with him for going as far as calling her a bad queen. right like, i don't -- i think that would be a step too far for her. but everyone in riverclan and shadowclan and all of the clans are supportive of reedwhisker.

(i saw a think about tigerkit being golden and goldenkit and -- my heart. feels things. goldenheart. i love it. hm. i literally have it saved in my au ideas folder. "oots except tigerheart is named goldenheart. that's it. that's the only difference.")

and yeah oh man the fucking kin like man. god -- i'm actually working on something about that? about how like -- it triggers mistystar's ptsd? anyway.

but yeah -- for Minimal Angst (and canon coherence) i think reedwhisker would be the only kit in her litter but i imagine like -- mistystar is very protective of him because of course she is, very reasonable. and so for him to be taken from her is just. unthinkably cruel.

and yeahh -- she would be really, really, really angry. this is what...like 8 years later? and still -- oh first of all.

just. the angst of -- because stormheart and stonefur were not there for the worst of it. and even though they saw the aftermath, you know, okay actually.

shadepelt would be probably like. very upset about the bodies. because the whole reason she almost died was that she tried to bury bodies. and stormheart like -- he hasn't really seen shadepelt like this. not really, not in a long time. hnng. good.

but feathertail is -- yeah. she's Retreating to Safety. even after this much time she's still very close with mistystar, and i don't think -- after reedwhisker is held hostage, i don't think she'd want to separate from her.

and everyone is so angry and frustrated and done because -- this isn't fair.

i think hawk, moth, and frog would definitely attempt a rescue. (i mean if i wanted maximum angst one of them would be held hostage as well. just for the record.) and --

oh i've talked about like. the angst of seeing your parent like. hurt. and this hurts them Again.

like it's hard, right? and even if they're adults feathertail is still their mom but she's scared and ohh. good stuff.

but yeah, rescue attempts. oh. maybe in the rescue attempt one of them gets captured. maybe like. hm. idk. maybe frog and alder. idk. but they get themselves captured and -- because alder is kind of like a dad to violet and twig and now there's So Much damn family angst.

but when it's all over -- mistystar is going to have a Lot of cats in her den for a while.

i'm not sure if/when mistyfoot and feathertail stop sleeping together? like maybe at some point but yeah. feathertail is like. "hi mistystar this is Our Den now."

(mistystar is fine with this. she's somewhat less fine with the fact that stonefur, stormheart, and reedwhisker are following suit because her den is like. big enough for maybe three or four cats to sleep comfortably, and hawkfrost, mothwing, and frogheart keep sneaking in, and she needs to be able to get out of her own den she is the leader oh my god, but only a little because really she just loves them a lot.)

[lovelyirony]

 cosmetology anon: this is for you, although I tweaked the idea a bit. i hope you don’t mind! 

Acquiring Tony Stark as an Asset had been purely by chance; after all, he wasn’t planned on being in the car. He was still an insolent teenager, angry with the world and angry with his father. They didn’t think he would’ve gone to a business party. 

But his mother...well. They hadn’t thought that Tony Stark was a mama’s boy. 

Because there Tony is, gasping for air while glass glitters all around him, looking near about like an angel that was torn from heaven with how it surrounded him. 

They had thought he was dead.  

At least, up until the point when he had looked Winter Soldier dead in the eye, said “hey you fucking asshole” and got a pretty damn good shot in the thigh. 

Someone on the brink of death might have tried the gun, but never the insult. 

So Hydra gets a brand new toy. 

Not easily broken, which is a pain-and-a-half to deal with. At least with the Winter Soldier, he was too delirious with blood loss to notice who was operating on him, what they were attaching. 

Tony Stark is on a whole other level. 

He bites, he kicks, he scratches. Quite annoying, they just want him to tire himself out. 

“Stark Industries doesn’t negotiate,” he hisses, trying to kick one of the nurses in the teeth. 

“Who said anything about negotiating?” says the head doctor viciously. His teeth glint in the fluorescent lighting, scalpels reflecting brilliantly onto the walls. “As far as the media knows, you’re dead. No one is going to come looking, and no one even knows who we are.” 

They make him sleep on a cot nearby Winter Soldier. Which is terrifying, to say the least. Not that he can kill him. He can’t touch him either. 

He’s in a deep freezer. Eyes closed, thank god. But they put him there and they tell him all about how he came to be there. 

“Everyone thought Barnes hit a rock and died,” one of the techs says, checking the machine. “He nearly did, but Zola helped us fix him up. Course, that was after a couple of times where he got to someone’s neck, and that was even before programming.” 

“Programming?” 

The tech leers at him, grinning. He’s standing, Tony’s sitting. It shouldn’t be as intimidating as it is. 

“Oh yeah, Stark. They’re gonna fix you all up.” 

“I don’t need fixing.” 

“Tell that to Winter Soldier.” 

“And what if your little machine gets rid of me, hm? Kills me?” 

“We add you to the other disappointments, or we dig a shallow grave and hope you’re found decades later.” 

Not exactly promising. 

But here’s the thing: the tech was wrong. They won’t add him to the pile of disappointments. 

The last time he went to a therapy appointment, his therapist said he had a “deep-seated need to be liked and be useful, which could be dangerous later.” 

He’s assuming that Doc Chesterfield wasn’t exactly expecting Tony to be in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Murder Machine, but Doc wasn’t really the kind of guy who was “in the know” about a lot of things. 

That need to be liked and useful was about to come in handy.  

Barely able to legally drink, he goes to the main doctor in charge. “You need me.” 

The doctor looks at him incredulously. 

“You think we need a kid to do all this shit? You think we haven’t figured it out?” 

“You can’t have Barnes-” 

“Winter Soldier, boy.” 

“Fine, your little toy soldier. You can’t keep him out longer than necessary, otherwise his brain realizes that all of you are shitty and tries to break out. Again. You need someone else to take a look at it, and I’m the best bet you got.” 

“And why would that be?” 

Tony grins, and they see a shadow of what he has had in his life, exactly just who he used to be. Who he still is, at the moment. 

“Whether you want to admit it or not--I’d say go ahead and admit it, I’m fun like that--I’m the smartest one in the room, maybe in the country. Maybe in two countries. I could swing the UK, it’s not like they’ve had anything interesting for the last hundred or so years--” 

“Get to the point,” the handler hisses. 

“I can help with arm maintenance. I’m not gonna do anything else to this poor guy, but I wanna stay alive and I’m not letting you erase my fucking mind because you want to have another toy soldier to march to your drum.” 

“You almost make a compelling case,” the handler says. “We do need a mechanic on the arm, so to speak. But if he only comes out when we need him...well. Maintenance is manageable.” 

Tony pushes his chin out. 

“I can do better than your best.” 

“Unfortunately, I don’t care. You’re too big of a liability.” 

It is at this moment that Tony realizes he cannot talk his way out, or fight his way out, but damn he gets a scalpel and tries. 

Manages to slice across the face of the handler. Nerve damage, tissue damage, quite potentially a very ugly nose. All very nice. 

That gets him moved up by a month. 

They send him to a chair that’s probably a lot worse than he’s imagining, give him a mouth guard, and tell him to scream all he likes. Sometimes it’s better to not have a voice later. 

They say it like they’re quoting one of those shitty articles from Cosmopolitan that discusses the top forty-five best ways to move in the bedroom or something. He and Rhodey use to read it all the time whenever they visited one of the sororities. 

(He misses Rhodey, more than words can say. The tears burn in his throat as the chair powers up, but he doesn’t dare cry. He hasn’t told them about Rhodey, and he doesn’t want him used against him. 

He doesn’t want to be used against Rhodey.) 

- 

Tony Stark becomes the Mechanic. He stares too long, moves a bit slow at times, and doesn’t like people touching his things. 

Hydra thinks it’s a success. 

-

Tony thinks they should’ve done more than three sessions of go-round for their little buzzy-chair. 

-

Just god, have none of them had to act before? Is that what this is? 

So long as he doesn’t show any aspect of any real personality, they think he’s a walking-talking robot. 

Should’ve just called him Chatty Cathy and attached a pull-string to his back with loadable phrases if they were just gonna call him the Mechanic and think his silence and weird staring habits were fine. 

Winter Soldier needs maintenance. 

Tony tries very carefully to keep his persona up. He thinks he’s doing a good job until the nurse leaves the room for her smoke-break and Winter Soldier gives him a look that’s so...different. 

"They think you’re like me.” 

“I am.” 

“No.” 

“And how can you tell?” 

“You’re not hurting my arm.” 

“Well I can, if you wanna be a masochist about it.” 

He blankly stares. 

“Why didn’t it work?” 

“Not enough rounds.” 

“We need to stop talking or they’ll watch the cameras.” 

“Got it.” 

Tony is not facing the cameras. They have no suspicion now, and if they can’t see him move his lips, then there’s no worry. 

He faces Winter Soldier. 

“You wanna get out of here? Tap once on your left, right on my thigh for yes. Twice for no.” 

Tap. 

There it is. 

“Well, it’ll take time. You okay with that?” 

Tap tap. 

“I can’t make wishes come true,” Tony says sarcastically. Soldier hides a smile. “But. I have someone who might be looking for me. Or he’ll know it’s me.” 

“A friend?” 

“Something better. Family.” 

It takes a little while. Despite Hydra’s incompetence at programming Tony out of his own system, they’re good at watching. They’re good at sniffing out undercover plans, so they set nurses to watch him and give him the worst food in his life. 

And he can’t say anything about it. 

They’re probably rations leftover from World War II, and here he is, pretending like it doesn’t bother him. 

The first mission they’re out on, Tony wants so badly to break free. It looks too easy, probably because it is. 

“The first time I escaped, they dragged me back and nearly gave me a matching leg to go with the arm,” Soldier murmurs in Russian. 

(Tony’s had to take Russian classes. God, he’s lucky he has an eidetic memory otherwise he’d be up a paddle with a slotted spoon.) 

“What, didn’t want to put more value on yourself?” 

“Something like that,” Soldier says grimly. “Pay attention. They’re gonna put you in a cafe, have you run surveillance. You report back to me. Call me Winter.” 

“Call me Mechanic.” 

“That’s the name they chose?” 

“Didn’t count my vote.” 

Winter snorts. 

“Time to get a move on.” 

Tony has never been good at hiding his emotions, but by god he’s learning on the fly. At least Winter has a mask, and they’re...well, they’re working on one for him. 

It’s not exactly priority, because everyone in the world thinks he’s dead. 

- 

Well. Shouldn’t say everyone. There is one guy who has decided that Tony didn’t die. 

James Rhodes is a very smart guy, graduated top of his class at MIT and has full honors. 

He also knows that Tony has fallen off of beds, out of chairs, down one flight of stairs, and tripped on just about everything. 

And he’s lived. He has defied near-death experiences before, and he’s been fine. 

Maybe Rhodey is crazy. He most likely is. 

But he doesn’t mind being crazy if no one can actually confirm that Tony died. The funeral was closed for the family, not even Rhodey could go. 

“Sorry kiddo,” Obie had said, not sorry at all. He’s never liked the kid, thought him too blunt about situations that he didn’t need to be blunt about. 

So Rhodey thinks that this is a conspiracy, only he doesn’t want his best friend to end up on a YouTube video five years later talking about the “tragic disappearance” and how “no one could figure it out.” 

He’s James fucking Rhodes. Sometimes goes by Rhodey. And he’s got this. 

- 

Winter Soldier does not “got this.” He is currently being thrown against a wall, and grunting as he looks at the target. 

Tony is currently trying very hard not to have a full-blown emotional show-off, because he is supposed to be fixing up some of the weapons and sending them out. 

It is rather stress-inducing, once you start thinking about it. 

He tries not to. 

God, he’s not even getting pizza after that. He’s probably going to get some bullshit like a vanilla nutritional protein shake. 

Out everything he’s been put through, and that’s the thing that makes him retch.

 - 

Barnes is looking...rough. He got shoved a lot, the mission didn’t exactly go to plan, which turns out to be quite the large problem. 

Because Tony took over. They found out that he can actually assemble weaponry and aim with nearly-one-hundred-percent accuracy. 

They think it’s because they fried his brain and injected some sort of back-alley-serum. 

It’s not. 

He’s not even sure if their serum worked, if he’s being completely honest.

But this? Oh god. 

The doctors look at him with an almost giddy joy. 

“We’ll have Soldier train you.” 

"He is not going back into the cryogenic chambers?” 

“No, not...not until you prove yourself.” 

“I have proven myself accurate with mechanical fixes.” 

“Always best to diversify your skills.” 

“Expand.” 

(Tony’s been messing with them a lot. They’re not positive he knows advanced vocabulary. He does, he just hates them.) 

Barnes is...not exactly excited that he’s not becoming an ice-pop. 

“I’m...training you?” 

“Yeah, looks like it. You wanna teach me how to choke someone with my thighs?” 

“Only when they send the Widows.” 

“Who are they?” 

“Best damned assassins you’ll ever have the displeasure of experiencing.” 

“Aw, you’re learning how to curse!” 

“Shut up, they’re onto us.” 

- 

Winter Soldier and the Mechanic have a...cordial relationship. At least, out of the ring. 

In the ring, they don’t rather like the other that much. Mechanic much prefers to avoid Soldier at all times. 

“You can’t just run from every opponent,” Winter hisses. 

“You’ve been doing it since 1948,” Tony responds in a robotic tone, nearly missing a kick to the shins. “I don’t see why not.” 

He smiles at that one, looking at Tony. 

He was...Tony was unique. He would whisper stories in the dead of night, mostly about a man named Jarvis and a boy his age named “Rhodey.” 

“His parents...they didn’t actually name him that, did they?” 

Tony has to bury his face in his pillow to hide his face from laughing. 

Winter got a good look at that smile. 

It’s chillingly nice to look at it, and maybe that’s because he hasn’t smiled in years, or maybe it’s because he’s never seen another person smile with joy in it for decades. 

- 

For a couple more months, nothing on their side happens. 

Rhodey, however, learns how to use Tony’s homemade AI for illegal purposes! 

He’s figured out lots of things. 

Tony was never confirmed dead. Technically, he’s a missing person. 

Which means they don’t know if he’s dead because they never found him. 

Secondly, there’s a strange email to someone who goes by Zola. 

Well, Rhodey and Tony didn’t stay up until three a.m. to solve impossible codes for nothing. 

James Rhodes figures out that the Winter Soldier isn’t some whispered about myth, and so he decides to try and find him. 

He’ll need to ask Mama if he can use the sedan, but it should be fine. After all, he has a friend to find. 

- 

Hydra is getting too used to having them out. Tony’s been coaching Barnes on not letting his reactions be at the front and center. 

He’s remembering a lot more. Starting to become a bit more human-like. 

He actually doesn’t like the food now, which is a tasteful improvement. 

“When we get out,” Tony whispers in night. “I’m going to make sure that you get the best goddamned pizza the earth has ever seen. And we’ll celebrate your birthday.” 

“When is my birthday?” 

“I...huh. I don’t know. That’s not the fact I remember from school.” 

“So you remembered that my favorite movie star was Hedy Lamarr, but not my own birthday?” 

“In my defense, Ms. Lamarr is far more memorable than a simple date on the calendar.” 

Barnes smiles. 

“I can’t wait to see a picture of her.” 

“You will, soon.” 

- 

Rhodey is getting close. 

The only barrier is convincing his mama to use the sedan. 

“What for?” 

“A trip.” 

“To?” 

“Washington DC?” 

“Why are you questioning that, young man?” 

“Um, because of gas money? Maybe?” 

Mrs. Rhodes stands up to her full height of five-foot-two and stares. 

“What’s the real reason? I didn’t raise a son who could lie to his mother successfully.” 

Rhodey sighs. 

“Tony’s alive. I think. I’m, like, ninety-five-percent sure.” 

Her face softens. 

“Oh baby, you’ve talked about this with your therapist, and-” 

Rhodey glares. 

“It’s not about the therapist’s opinion, mom. I broke into some records. There was a closed-casket funeral, and technically? They didn’t have a body for Tones. I know he’s out there, and I think I got a lead with the help of Jarvis.” 

“I thought Jarvis was dead.” 

“Not Edwin, Mama. Tony’s creation, an AI named Jarvis.” 

Mama looks at him carefully. 

“You sure this is what is going to make you happy?” 

“I don’t care about being happy, I want to see if I can bring him home, Mama.” 

She dangles the keys. 

“If you scratch this car up, I will not hesitate to tell every single aunt at church about this and have common sense walloped into you.” 

“I promise I won’t,” Rhodey says. “I know what I’m doing.” 

“I’ll pack you a bag. And you need your church clothes.” 

“Ma...” 

“Don’t Ma me, I’m your mother, I know what’s best,” Mrs. Rhodes says, sweeping into the kitchen. “Don’t tell your daddy what you told me, you’ll give him a heart attack.” 

“I thought I was gonna give you a heart attack,” Rhodey says. 

She turns, eyes twinkling. 

“You got a lot of learning to do, young man. But go on to DC for me.” 

First stop: gas station. 

Next stop: saving Tony. 

- 

If Tony had known that his friend was so dedicated to saving him that he would drive his mama’s sedan five miles above the speed limit, perhaps he would have stayed put and played nice. 

But Tony did not know this, so he was currently working on fixing Barnes’ arm to shoot projectile missiles that looked like screws to the security cameras. 

“You think they’re counting each screw when none of them even know what your arm can actually do? Not like Zola is physically around anymore,” Tony mutters, holding a screwdriver in his mouth. 

“What’s your plan for escape?” 

“Element of surprise, my dear Watson.” 

“Don’t like that,” Barnes mutters. “What’s your plan once we’re out?” 

“New York City.” 

“That’s it?” 

“You underestimate exactly how much you can hide,” Tony says. “Believe me. We’ll live in an apartment in Queens.” 

- 

Rhodey is about ten minutes away. 

Tony and Bucky have eventually decided to break out, and are having a lovely time shooting a base and putting people through the walls. Really, they shouldn’t have made it out of drywall. Too easy. 

“What fucking vehicle are we taking?!” Barnes yells. 

“I...I will work on it!” 

“You didn’t think about that?!” 

“I was thinking about escaping from a shitty Hydra base!” 

- 

Here comes the sedan! 

- 

Rhodey thought there was only one person, so now the ex-assassin is sitting on his little sister’s school folder, and getting pink glittery on his military pants. 

This was not the plan. 

He is also still only going five over the speed limit, because this is Mama’s sedan. 

He forgot about the little sticker at the back that says “My Son is on the Honor Roll at MIT!” 

“Rhodey love of my life, please go faster than forty miles an hour,” Tony hisses. 

“I can’t believe you’re alive, let me do one thing at a time,” Rhodey stresses. “I bought you hot fries, they’re on the floor in the green bag.” 

“You thought of road trip snacks?” Bucky asks. 

“Yes! And who are you?” 

“Bucky Barnes.” 

Rhodey whips his head around. 

“You lived?” 

“I’ve been told. Eyes on the road and turn left.” 

One tire barely is on the road as he whips the wheel, slamming onto the curb. 

“We are not allowed to fuck my mama’s car up!” Rhodey yells. “Tony, Bucky...do whatever you have to.” 

“How amenable are you to me paying for a new back window?” Bucky asks, left arm already raising. 

“What do you mean-?” 

And...there goes a projectile! 

- 

After twenty minutes of driving around, ten of that being avoiding police blockades, they finally are out on the highway, no one in sight. 

Tony finally breathes. 

“Put on your seatbelt,” Rhodey murmurs. “To New York?” 

“To New York.” 

- 

By all accounts, the table of three men who look slightly rattled and in danger is not actually the worst table that waitress has ever had. 

In fact, the only odd thing that she’s going to say about it is that the young man on the left is wearing a polo shirt, and it is not Sunday, so no church services. A personal outfit choice. 

The man in the middle seems to know this. 

“Rhodey, seriously?” 

“What? It’s laundry day!” 

“I know you had other shirts. I know you did.” 

“Just because you hate polo shirts doesn’t mean you get to hate on me, especially after the shit I just pulled.” 

“He has a point,” says the man on the right. 

“You have no opinion on this. I just met you.” 

“Are you guys ready to order?” She asks nervously, tapping at her notepad with a chewed-up pen. 

They all stare blankly at the menu, and then back at her. She taps her pen one more time. 

“I’ll...um...give you some more time.” She shakes her head. She’s not gonna ask, she doesn’t get paid enough. 

-

Rhodey looks at the two of them. He knows that things...well. 

Tony probably isn’t going to be playing Jeopardy! with this experience. 

Hell, he probably won’t want to see a therapist about this, and Rhodey will have to play Jeopardy! or some obscure dating show simulation with Tony to even help. 

And then there’s the matter of a man who’s supposed to be dead. 

That and...Rhodey decided to finish up college with a master’s degree. 

No one ever said life was easy. 

But. 

It might be fun. 

[ddaenggtan]

midnight wishes | knj [M]

Granny Park's Gossip:

That boy. Never met anyone as prone to disaster as he is while being so damned smart, except maybe that roommate of his. The two of them could probably cure cancer if they wanted to, but you leave them alone for more than a few seconds and you’re liable to come back to disaster. Jiminie did say they’ve been acting a little different, though, maybe they finally wised up and made things official instead of just humping like bunnies around that apartment of theirs. Oh, am I not supposed to say that?

pairing } namjoon x reader 

word count } 10.3k { also on ao3

genre } Fluff, Smut, the smallest possible dash of angst; FWB au, Roommates au, coworkers au, slight idiots to lovers but like. lowkey. 

warnings } smut, the most smut, all the smut. Namjoon In Glasses bc that deserves its own tag. there’s multiple smutty parts, several less explicit and then one very very super explicit so for those: oral female, oral male, fingering, deepthroating, protected sex, unprotected sex, mention of semi-public sex, mentions of a sir kink, some very accidental cum eating that is hilarious and disgusting all at once. Namjoon and Slick are both complete and utter idiots, like it’s genuinely a miracle that they’ve lived this long, especially when paired together. 

{ The Snowball Effect Collab Masterlist } 

a/n } hello it is i with yet another fic. it’s done. i. have a lot of emotions bUT that’s neither here nor there. This is part of The Snowball Effect collab, and while it can be read as a standalone, all the fics end in the same spot and there are so many crossovers that it legitimately hurts to think about for too long, so for the best and funniest and fluffiest experience, we recommend that you read all of them in order!! Special shoutout to ashley, kristi, and ryn (@taehyungforreal, @stutterfly, and @fortunexkookie​, respectively) for letting me part of this wonderful adventure. i’m more honored than i could ever say with words, and i’m grateful every day that i got the chance to work with all of you on this absolutely phenomenal collab. for those of you who are just now seeing this, i implore you to read the others, as they are literal light years better than this, and i could not possibly live up to the absolute beauty of the other authors in this collab, but i still hope you enjoy my shiny garbage child aka this fic.

The first time you ever saw Kim Namjoon was on your very first day at the lab where you both work. You won't ever forget it, not because he's the walking embodiment of beauty nor because he's the most intelligent person you've ever met besides yourself. No, that day stays firmly implanted in your memory because that was the day the two of you nearly got fired for setting the building on fire.

In a genetics lab. 

You don't even work with chemicals. Maybe if you did, they would have been more understanding, but you don't and instead, everyone was completely flabbergasted that the two of you very nearly destroyed the building because you tried to reheat your leftover Chinese food - and really, how perfect is it that he also prefers the place across town instead of on the corner, and that he eats all the vegetables you pick out of your rice while you eat the eggrolls he isn't a fan of - in the microwave at the same time. Sure, your IQ is close to 300 when combined, but also, how are you supposed to remember that the bottom part of the takeout is made of foil? You were trying to single out a gene sequence that might help cancer research. Microwaves were not important. 

Until it exploded a little and set the fire suppression systems off in all the labs and affected several billion dollars worth of research. 

Honestly, the two of you are lucky you still have your jobs.

Less lucky that the insurance company wouldn't pay for the entire cost so both you and Namjoon had to take pretty severe pay cuts to help cover the costs.

Even less lucky that it means you could no longer afford your apartment by yourself and subsequently had to try to find a roommate in less than a week, which the internet is not helpful for, it doesn't matter what your coworkers say.

Which really just highlights that it's your own fault that you're in this situation in the first place, you think as you slam back another shot. It's been months, and yes, you found a roommate, and yes , things between the two of you are working better than you could have imagined, but god , at what cost?

You catch a glimpse of dimples heading your way and down the rest of the Kamikaze that you've been nursing all night. You might regret that later, the alcohol might make you do something you'd never do otherwise, but you can always pretend you don't remember. Besides, it's so much harder to handle Namjoon while you're completely sober; you never quite know what to say or what to do.

He doesn't bother to sit in the empty stool beside you, just slides into the space between you and it and lets one arm rest casually on the back of your barstool as he leans in to be heard over the live band that's playing. You don't look at him, you don't trust yourself to look at him, not with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons undone. You know he looks deliciously rumpled. You're entirely too familiar with the sight.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks. You shrug even as you start pulling your coat on, doing your best to ignore the way the heat of his breath brushed over your neck in the way that always gets you hot and bothered. "We don't have to if you don't want to," He says quickly, but you wave him off.

"No, it's fine, I promise. I'm not enjoying the band as much as I thought I would anyway."

When the ride you summoned stops at your apartment building, Namjoon pays and follows you up. The alcohol has started seeping into your bloodstream, and for a moment you regret that last drink. You're not drunk, not really, but you're on the farther side of tipsy and thoughts are swirling in your head that you wish would go somewhere else. Plus you're really fucking hungry now, and also kinda tired, and you're really glad tomorrow's Saturday so you can sleep in.

"What's got you in your head?" Namjoon asks as you fumble to unlock the door. You just shrug noncommittally, unwilling to tell him about it. He doesn't pry either, just sets to work pulling leftover tacos out of the fridge and sticking them in the microwave, remembering at the last second to take the plastic off the top so your food doesn't get coated in melted saran wrap. The two of you eat in relative silence before you manage to make yourself go into your room and strip out of your work clothes and then slide under the covers.

You don't listen as he goes into the room across the hall, you don't listen as the shower starts up, you don't listen at the off-key singing that he does. You don't. You can't let yourself, because then your drunk ass won't be able to keep your mouth shut the next time you see him - as you're both eating breakfast tomorrow, probably - and you'll say some super embarrassing shit like "hey I know it's partially my fault you couldn't afford your rent and you know I'm really grateful that you moved in with me, but you're also like hot as the surface of the sun and your dimples are really cute too, please fuck me stupid, I'm literally begging you."

Because that's the issue with living and working with Namjoon. There is no escape. Before you could come home and masturbate in peace while thinking about how his chest looks so utterly perfect in those button-ups, and how the muscles in his forearm flex when he's got his sleeves rolled up, and how his jaw does that muscle clench thing whenever he's focused on something.

But no. Now he lives with you , and not only are you both on the same schedules and therefore he’s never not home when you are, therefore depriving you of your precious Alone Time, but! You get a front-row view to how he looks in the mornings, with his hair all messy, and how he always forgets that the flavor packet goes in the ramen after you cook it, and how he bundles up every time he goes on walks with Moni, and-

The door to the bathroom creaks open and you force your eyes not to close. You inspect the stuccoed ceiling the entire time it takes his footsteps to make it into his room because otherwise, you're just going to remember that first week after he moved in, when he would have to go to his room with just a towel around his waist because his clothes were in boxes and he hadn't unpacked and he'd forgotten to take anything in the bathroom with him.

The memory of his absolutely fucking ridiculous pectorals dripping with water and his god damn superb biceps flexed and delicious-looking, none of it hidden under the slightly-too-big shirts he wears to work...it haunts you. To this day.

The sound of his door closing echoes through the hall and into your room. It’s through an incredibly impressive force of will that you don’t imagine what he’s doing right now, just across the hall. You resolutely do not imagine him sliding that towel from around his waist and revealing the gorgeous glistening golden thighs that strain against his work khakis so wonderfully. Nor do you think of the way he twists his neck to pop it while he does his after-shower stretches - because that’s a normal thing that normal people totally do - and you absolutely are not thinking of the way the scent of sandalwood and steam trails after him when he’s freshly showered and you are definitively not thinking about-

A loud, high-pitched moan followed by the slapping of skin on skin echoes through the apartment, jolting you upright and out of your thoughts as you stare in shock at the back of your bedroom door. 

Something thuds against the carpeted floor of Namjoon’s room and the sound abruptly cuts off. The silence that follows is deafening, and your ears ring with it. 

Surely….surely he wasn’t….

A thought, unbidden and cursed, flits through your mind before you can stop it. You can’t even blame the residual alcohol in your body for the way you stand and open your bedroom door, or how you slip your super soft silk robe over your shoulders and tie it loosely around your waist, nor for the way you take the two steps to stand in front of Namjoon’s, but you absolutely blame your quickly-returning sobriety for the way you hesitate in front of it. 

He’s going to say no, anyway, so what’s the harm? Things are awkward for a day or two and then we move on, right?

You knock before you can talk yourself out of it. It takes a few minutes, but Namjoon does eventually open the door. His chest is still bare but he’s got on the soft-looking plaid pajama pants that you adore, albeit they are on backwards , and his face is flushed with color. 

You're 98% sure that it's because he just had his hand around his cock. You're significantly less sure if you hate or love the fact that you know that. 

“Hey,” You say awkwardly. 

“Hey,” He responds, just as awkward. 

You both stand there for a second while you work up the courage to ask what’s been going around and around in your mind. 

“I just heard that thud and got worried,” is what eventually makes it out. Namjoon’s face flushes further, and his nose scrunches in the cutest way. “Just...wanted to make sure you weren’t, y’know. Dead. Haha.”

He smiles at your laugh, even though it’s dead and humorless, and warmth blooms in your chest. 

“I’m alright. Sorry for any, uh…” He squints, clearly searching for the word he wants to use that won’t immediately give him away - like the entire apartment building hadn’t heard that noise. “Disturbances.”

“Oh, no, you’re fine!” You tell him, rubbing the back of your neck. “I was just. Uh. Y’know how bonobos will often have recreational sex with non-monogamous partners just because they’re bored or as a way to work out the tension between members of the unit-groups and they enjoy said recreational sex, even though there’s no real emotional attachment to the other parties involved?”

Namjoon stares at you for a long, silent moment. 

“Yeah, I know about bonobos,” He eventually says. “I didn’t know that about bonobos, but I guess that’s the fun fact quota for the day.”

Your face heats and you’ve never quite wished the ground would swallow you up until this very moment. 

“Oh,” You say, dumbly. “Well. That’s a thing. That bonobos do.”

“I got that,” Namjoon says. He bites down on his lower lip in what’s probably an innocuous way to not smile at how ridiculous you’re being, but when paired with the golden expanse of chest, it’s utterly obscene. 

“Would you like to have recreational sex with me?” 

“ What? ”

“No strings attached, no feelings, nothing but some nice fun recreational intercourse between two consenting adults of sound mind. Would you be interested?”

“I...why are you asking me? ” He asks incredulously, and you resist the urge to kiss the surprise off his face. How is it surprising at all when he walks around looking like that ?

“Because in the time we’ve known each other as coworkers, roommates, and friends, I think we could be very sexually compatible and even if we aren’t, I’m confident enough in our friendship to believe we could still be friends afterward.” You tell him firmly. “Besides, you’re literally the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, why wouldn’t I want to have sex with you?”

“You’re...serious about this? You’re not playing some kind of joke on me?” 

“Why would I play a joke on you, Namjoon? I haven’t been able to get off for literal weeks - ever since you moved in, actually - and I’m at a bit of a breaking point.”

“And you’re not drunk?”

“Completely sober,” You assure him. He curses under his breath and runs a hand over his jaw, not making eye contact as he considers. It’s the same thoughtful expression that he gets when he’s trying to figure out some complex equation at work. With how long it’s been since you last came, however, it’s only making you wetter. 

"Fuck it," He mutters, seconds before his hands cup your jaw to pull you into a kiss. 

It's awkward at first, the two of you trying to find a rhythm that you both enjoy while still being able to breathe. His lips are slightly chapped and you both stumble as he starts walking backwards towards the bed, but it's so wonderful. His hand against your jaw is warm and comforting, even as his other hand is slipping teasingly under your robe and his teeth suckle a mark into your collarbone. 

Movement on the bed catches your attention and you flush when you realize it's Moni, Namjoon's very sweet dog that came with him when he moved in. 

"Uh, Namjoon?" You breathe. It's hard to focus on anything that isn't the way he's teasing at the band of your panties, but the way Moni is staring at you is captivating. "Dog."

Namjoon freezes, hands disappearing from your skin, and he either doesn't hear or doesn't acknowledge your needy whine at the loss of contact. 

"What, what's wrong? Is that your safeword? What did I do?"

"No, Joon," You can barely hear yourself think over the stream of apologies pouring from his lips, and it isn't until you grip his shoulders and forcibly turn him to look at his dog that he shuts up. 

" Oh ," He whispers. "The dog." He clicks his tongue a couple of times and Moni hops down from the bed, though not without giving Namjoon the saddest eyes possible. Moni disappears down the hallway, probably to go lay on the couch, and Namjoon shuts the door behind him. "Sorry," he says bashfully. 

"Don't be sorry," You respond with a smile. " Do , however, fuck me until I can't move." 

A growl vibrates in his chest, surprising you, and you're bouncing atop his mattress before you can think. 

He doesn't say anything else, too focused on the way your folds feel against his tongue as he slides your robe up your thighs. Words are hardly possible for you when he makes you come the first time. Even less so when he turns you onto your hands and knees, presses your face into the mattress, and proceeds to pound into you so hard that the nightstand shakes. Still, your knees are made weak by something else entirely.

It's the tender awareness in his touch; he's firm and unyielding but so, so cautious, consistently testing your reactions before he continues. The way his voice - deepened and husky with desire - sounds in your ear when he asks if what he's doing is okay, if you like it, if you want to keep going. It's how he teases you gently about how wet you are - "God damn, is this all for me? You're so fucking wet, so slick and ready for me, sweetheart," -  the way he's so absolutely tuned in to your own needs and desires, the way he coaxes orgasm after orgasm out of you like it's second nature, his own high an afterthought when you've clenched too tight around him. 

It's the way he brings you water and some fruit afterward and gently cleans you up while you eat before sliding your robe carefully over the blossoming purple marks he sucked into your shoulders. It's the way he didn't close his bedroom door until yours clicked behind you. 

"This was the best idea I've ever had," you sigh happily to yourself as you drift off to sleep. 

“So you’ve got a sir kink?” Namjoon asks several days later, face pressed into a microscope more expensive than your entire apartment building. He doesn’t look at you, even as you tear your eyes away from the computer screen in front of you to glance at him curiously. 

“I do,” You tell him. He shifts in his chair and you bite back a grin. “Is that a problem? We don’t have to use it.”

“No, it’s fine,” He says quickly. “Just thought it was interesting. I didn’t expect that from you.”

“Namjoon, we’ve only known each other for a couple of months, and in that time, we’ve hardly had a conversation about what kinks we enjoy and what we don’t. How would you expect anything?”

“Just...didn’t expect it, that’s all.” He’s quiet for a minute and a sliver of guilt lodges in your throat. You’re right, the two of you haven’t known each other for very long, especially not in a sexual manner, but you could’ve maybe phrased it better. 

“I’m sorry-”

“We should-”

Both of you stop midsentence, turning away from your work to laugh with each other. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Namjoon says with a dimpled smile. “I know what you meant, and you’re right. We don’t know what the other enjoys, so we shouldn’t go into this with any expectations.”

“Maybe we should, though,” You say, marking a sequence that catches your eye so you’ll remember to come back and fully examine it later. “I mean, we can’t exactly fulfill our sexual needs without knowing what said needs are. For instance, how often do you orgasm every week?”

Something tumbles on Namjoon’s desk, and when you look over he’s got the microscope cradled carefully in his hands a few feet above the floor. 

“Uh...maybe twice,” He eventually says.

“Hm. Duly noted.” You turn back to the monitor in front of you, marking another sequence for inspection. 

“Well...how often do you orgasm each week?” He asks. His voice is hesitant, like he isn’t sure if he’s allowed to ask.

“Depends,” You tell him. “When I’m close to my period or ovulating, it’s usually once a day, if not twice, because my sex drive is higher, but otherwise it’s usually every other day or so.”

“Oh.” 

“But don’t worry, I’m more than willing to take care of myself on the nights where you need a break. I don’t expect you to keep up with my sex drive.”

“I mean...I could .”

You turn away from the monitor to look at him, quirking a brow. He quirks his own in return and you can’t help the way your eyes travel down his form. He’s wearing contacts instead of his glasses - always does during the workweek, since it’s easier to use a microscope that way - but the light purple shirt sets off the platinum blonde of his hair and his thighs strain against the material of his khakis. It all adds up to make him look absolutely delectable, especially since you know full well what’s hiding underneath those pants. 

“I could,” He repeats. “If you want me to.”

Your eyes meet his and you have no doubt he’s been eyeing you the same way you’ve been eyeing him. 

“I think it might be time for our lunch break, Mr. Kim,” You tell him, eyes darting to the clock on your desk. “I was thinking of going out to get something, would you like to join me?”

Namjoon is already standing and grabbing his jacket, and you would laugh at how eager he is if you weren’t the same way. You can already feel heat beginning to pool between your legs and the two of you rush out of the office in such a hurry that you hardly notice when you run straight into the mail cart. 

“Nice going, Slick!” Kihyun yells after you, and you wish you were ashamed of the way that your knees tremble at the reminder of how it felt to have Namjoon call you that while buried inside of your warmth. 

“They have no idea,” Namjoon mutters, fingers twisting with yours so he can pull you down a hallway and towards an unused office. “If they only knew just how slick you really are.”

You shiver and slam the door closed as Namjoon sinks to his knees. 

The amount of times the two of you fuck at work is utterly ridiculous after that. You have an actual conversation with him about kinks and hard limits and soft limits and all that fun grown-up stuff that’s necessary of an adult relationship, of course, and that only adds to the fire between the two of you. 

He’s more than willing to let you call him Sir while you’re on your hands and knees in front of him, and you’re absolutely willing to ride him into oblivion in those moments when he doesn’t want to be in charge or when he’s had a hard day at work and just wants to relax. Those are your favorite times, actually; when he just sits on the couch and drives himself up into you while you’re fucking yourself back down onto him, eyes clenched shut as his hands glide up your spine and knead your ass. 

The slow, lazy way his hips meet yours is absolutely addictive, you can’t even lie, but you can’t deny that it’s the moment after you’ve both cum that are the real danger. When you’re both panting and spent, laying against the soft sheets on his bed or the cool leather of your couch, and his arm drapes around your torso for those few moments it takes him to regain his breath. 

It’s dangerous, so dangerous, because you’ve already agreed not to have feelings involved in this. You’re friends with benefits, nothing more and nothing less, and you cannot let yourself forget that. Not in the mornings when you wander out in his shirt to find that he’s made breakfast - ordered it, actually, but it’s the thought that counts - or when you walk into work together and he doesn’t hesitate to open the doors for you without even breaking stride, as if it’s second nature to do so. As if he’s used to it. 

It’s when the two of you are at the mall together that reality hits you in the face. 

You’re both on the hunt for different things; he’s got a birthday present he still has to buy and wants to pick up some new treats and sweaters for Moni, while you’re on the hunt for a new toaster to rival that of your old one - which you destroyed on accident by using a metal fork to dig a piece of bread out of. While it was plugged in. And hot. 

Your hands still sting a little, but the ER nurse was adamant that you would be alright. So long as you didn’t try to electrocute yourself again.

“Wait, so you’re not going to be here for New Year’s Eve?” You clarify, popping a piece of chocolate into your mouth. 

“No, I’m heading up to Taehyung’s cabin with the rest of the guys. It’s an annual thing, I don’t even remember how it got started,” Namjoon tells you as he peers into the window of some box store that you already know isn’t going to have anything Taehyung will like. 

“Hm, I guess it’s good I work then, so I can walk Moni.” 

Namjoon shoots you an odd look. “You don’t work, and Jackson’s watching Moni.”

“Uh...I’m pretty sure I work on New Year’s Eve, Namjoon. I would’ve made plans otherwise.”

“Slick, I’m exactly one hundred percent sure the office is closed for New Year’s because it is every year.” He sneaks a piece of chocolate and wrinkles his nose when he realizes it’s mint chocolate. 

“No, because my schedule says-” You start, pulling your phone out to open said schedule so you can show him just how wrong he is. “That I work the next morning. That’s why I didn’t make plans.”

Namjoon just smiles and taps at the screen. “That’s December, Slick. You’re looking at December first.”

You pull the phone back and stare at it, horror washing over you when you see that he’s right. 

You’re going to be spending New Year’s alone, for the first time in years, and loneliness fills you at that thought. Your parents are an entire plane ride away, on vacation for their retirement in some tropical paradise that you can’t remember the name of; your old friends are in an entirely different city, likely already with plans of their own, and you don’t know nearly enough people at work or outside of it to have any idea what people are doing. 

“Oh man,” Namjoon breathes, clearly oblivious to the sudden onset of loneliness that’s hit you. “I knew it was going to be hilarious, but I had no idea it was going to be this good .”

You look up to find him focused on his phone, camera pointing at something you can’t quite make out through the small screen. You follow the view, a reluctant smile breaking out when you spot Hope on the Street dancing along to some holiday song while dressed as an elf. 

“Isn’t that the news anchor that got in trouble for doing anal?” You ask. Namjoon cackles - there’s no other word for it, it’s a cackle - and nods. 

“Yeah, Hoseok’s been forced into doing this as a publicity stunt. We’ve all been looking forward to seeing him do it, too, but god , I had no idea it would be this funny to see. Hobi as a Christmas elf, can you imagine?”

“Hobi?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s a close friend of mine,” Namjoon says, eyes never straying from the video as he plays it back. “He’s gonna be at the cabin too, with his girlfriend Cat. There’s like seven of us who all grew up in the same little neighborhood, and we all kept pretty close as we got older. It’s like a little mini-family.”

“Oh,” You say softly. Namjoon tucks his phone back into his pocket and looks around, lighting up as he spots something else. “I didn’t know you knew Hope on the Street.”

“Yeah, he’s a dork,” Namjoon says as he pulls you towards some children’s store. “Come on, I think Yoongi’s working and I like to watch his little dance when he makes the hearts.”

You barely pay attention as Namjoon hurries into the toy store. You don’t join him inside, too busy lost in your own thoughts. 

You should’ve realized, you scold yourself. You should’ve known better. You got comfortable, you got complacent and happy, too enamored with the way Namjoon feels inside of you and the warmth of his hand in yours to realize that you’re still on the outside. 

He and his friends are all going up to some cabin, with their girlfriends apparently, to hang out and have fun together for New Year’s. He didn’t invite you. You’ve lost yourself in the fantasy and complacency of how warm he feels, how it feels like coming home whenever you see him, even when you knew better. 

You knew better than to get attached. You told yourself, every step of the way, not to get attached, don’t develop feelings, it’s just sex, and yet…

And yet your heart is breaking in your chest that he didn’t invite you along, that he didn’t even think to do so. It’s not even fair to him, it’s not his fault that you got too caught up in the domesticity and familiarity of him to remember that this isn’t serious. Why would he invite you? You’re his roommate, a coworker, the girl he fucks every so often. You aren’t his girlfriend, you aren’t anyone important to his friends. 

You’re just the roommate. 

“Hey, look at this bear I made, it’s got a little microscope and everything! It’s perfect for-”

“Sorry,” You interrupt, ignoring the way Namjoon’s smile dims ever so slightly. “I just realized that I’ve got to finish up some analyses before the office closes for the holiday, I’ve gotta go do that. But it’s cute, Moni’ll love it.”

“Okay.” Namjoon’s voice is hushed, and his brows are drawn together. He can obviously tell something’s off, but if you’re lucky, maybe he won’t be able to pinpoint exactly what. “I’ll see you at home then.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you back at the apartment,” You say quickly, not even looking at him as you hurry off the other way. 

You just need space, you tell yourself. You just need some distance so you can get your emotions under control. You can’t be around him when all you want to do is kiss him senseless and tell him how much you want to wake up in his bed forever, how you never want to miss another walk with Moni. He can’t know. 

He won’t know.

"I fucked up."

"You're going to have to be more specific," Jimin’s voice says from the other end of the phone. 

Namjoon groans, resisting the urge to slam his head back against the cabinets. He's standing in the kitchen now, staring longingly at the fridge and whatever food it may contain, because you’re out grocery shopping now, and he would love for you to come back to a hot meal, but there’s a reason you’re grocery shopping this late at night.

"You remember how in college everyone teased me because I'm terrible at one-night stands and I bet Hobi a week's groceries that I totally could?"

"Yes," Jimin says slowly. Something clinks on the other end of the line, and Namjoon wonders what Jimin’s having for dinner. His stomach rumbles in response and he heaves himself across the kitchen to dig through the fridge while Jimin continues. "I also remember how you spent weeks pining over said one-night stand while Hoseok filled the cupboards with every single thing he thought he could get away with buying. Why are you bringing that up now?"

Namjoom stays quiet but hums in victory as he unearths a pizza that isn’t too terribly old. “How long can pizza live in the fridge before it would kill me if I ate it?”

“If you have to ask that question, it’s been too long,” Jimin tells him. Namjoon debates, eyeing the pizza before deciding it looks fine and turning the oven on before sliding the pizza in. “Now, why are you bringing up one night stands and then pizza?”

"You remember how that new girl started at work a few months ago and we ate lunch together and then nearly got fired?"

"Yes, I distinctly remember writing you notes on takeout containers for weeks reminding you not to put foil in the microwave. What does-" Jimin stops, and Namjoon gets the distinct impression that if they were having this conversation in person, he’d be getting the Look. "Joon, tell me you didn't."

"I didn't have a one night stand with her," Namjoon assures him. 

"Good," Jimin says, heaving a sigh of relief. "God only knows what would happen with a one night stand with your roommate-"

"We're friends with benefits." 

Jimin chokes on whatever he’s eating and Namjoon winces sympathetically. 

"It's not that bad," The elder says before Jimin can scold him. "We're very sexually compatible. And she's amazing, Jimin, you don't even know-"

"Joon, isn't this the same girl you spent an entire four hours talking about the day she started working with you?"

"Yeah, so?"

The blonde gives a heavy sigh. Namjoon knows the younger well enough to know he’s shaking his head right now. 

"Please be careful, Namjoon," Jimin eventually says. 

"Oh, don't worry, we've both been tested, and we use condoms every time, there's nothing to worry about."

"That's not the kind of careful I mean," Jimin sighs. He's quiet for a minute as he eats and Namjoon waits for his pizza to be heated enough to eat. "Why do you say you fucked up if you’ve been careful?”

“I…” He hesitates. “I don’t know. I think she’s upset with me. We were at the mall the other day and it was fine, we were laughing at how Hobi looks dressed as an elf-”

“God that video was hilarious -”

“Right?!” They both laugh a little, fondly remembering the sight, before Namjoon sobers. “And then she just...changed. She got all quiet and skittish and ran off before I could give her the bear I made. She didn’t even look at it.”

“And it just happened out of nowhere? What were you talking about?”

“How she’s off work for New Year’s and I’m heading up to the cabin so she doesn’t have to watch Moni or anything, and then I saw Yoongi doing that dance at the store so I wanted to go watch him, and-” He stops, eyes focused on the air in front of him. 

“Joon? You good?”

“Hypothetically speaking,” He begins, a realization hitting him all at once, “What would happen if I put a pizza in the oven to reheat without taking it out of the box?”

“Oh my fucking god, Namjoon, get it out!”

There’s a flurry of smoke while Namjoon does just that and rushes to open the window so he can let some of the smoke out before you get back home. Jimin’s still berating him - albeit fondly - when he picks the phone back up. 

“It’s fine,” Namjoon says quickly, “It’s cool, nothing’s actually on fire anymore. And the pizza’s warm!”

“Oh my god, how have you survived this long.” Namjoon smiles at Jimin’s words; he gets a lot of shit for being wildly unobservant, but he knows that the others love him dearly. Why else would they still talk to him? Really, after the incident with the tub at Jungkook’s apartment, it’s truly a miracle he still has friends, and love is the only explanation. 

“But seriously, I don’t know what I did with Slick. Do you think I was too...obvious?”

“Namjoon,” Jimin says seriously. “If this girl is anything like you, and based on that time she tried to screenshot a crack in phone screen I’m inclined to believe she is, then I think the issue is that you aren’t being obvious enough . You said she got all weird after you mentioned the cabin, right?”

“Yeah. I thought she’d be happy that she wouldn’t be stuck with Moni, but-”

“Did you consider that since she thought she was working, she doesn’t have any other plans and is now stuck in the apartment by herself since she just moved here recently?”

“Oh.” Guilt surges through him as the door opens and your voice echoes that you picked up some takeout while you were gone. “I gotta go.”

“Ah-ah,” Jimin says quickly. “My payment?”

“Yes, Jimin, I love you dearly, you are the light of my life, I would never have survived this long were it not for your sage wisdom, I owe you my firstborn.”

“Much better! Some of the others could learn from you.” Jimin’s laugh continues long after he’s hung up, Namjoon is sure of it. 

You aren’t sure why the apartment smells like smoke when you get back, but you decide not to question it and just be grateful you had the foresight to pick up some takeout on your way back from the store. 

 When you get into the kitchen, Namjoon is there, with a smoking pizza box on the stove beside him. He’s not in his work clothes; instead, he looks comfortable and cozy in some sweats and a faded tee with his glasses halfway down his nose. Your heart lurches painfully in your chest at the sight and you force yourself to remember that he isn’t yours . 

“Hey! Did you hear me? I got takeout, since I figured neither of us wanted to cook. And I’m glad I did, what’s with the smoke?” A thought strikes you as you set the bags on the table. “Oh no, did you try to use the toaster? I told you not to, it got weird after that night with the fork, we need to replace it.”

“Do you wanna go to the cabin?” 

You freeze, halfway to the fridge to put away the ice cream that he likes. “What?” You ask. 

“The cabin. Do you want to go with me for New Year’s Eve, with everyone?” Namjoon takes the ice cream and finishes your journey for you, sticking it in the freezer without a second thought. “If you don’t want to take advantage of a quiet apartment, that is. You’re welcome to join, and I figured that was obvious, but then I realized that it may not be, so I wanted to offer.”

“With you and all of your friends? I don’t really... know any of them.” 

“That’s fine, they’re not that bad. They’re all pretty friendly, once you get to know them at least.” Namjoon says as he takes some vegetables out of your hands to put them in the fridge as well. “And I have no doubt that the others are going to bring some of their friends. Yoongi’s girlfriend will be there, she seems sweet. And Cat and Star are always nice, you’d love them.” 

You hesitate, though you aren’t sure why. This is what you wanted, so why doesn’t it make you happy?

“Besides, they’ll all be happy to have another friend around to bother. Jin loves to feed people.” Namjoon flashes his dimples at you and your heart does something complex that you can’t explain. There’s the rush of excitement and the skipped beat that always comes with his dimples, but it twists and clenches as well. Because of course, he’s just taking you as a friend. 

You’re friends. And that’s fine. If you repeat yourself enough times then you’ll believe it. You have to. 

“Yeah, sure!” You say with a grin. “I’d like that. They always sound so fun, it’ll be nice to meet them for real.”

Namjoon beams and helps you put the rest of the groceries away before you both settle in to eat. It’s not anything fancy, simple and quick and just enough to get the two of you through the night so that you didn’t have to cook. You chat about work as you do, a few sequences that might prove promising if you can work them the right way. 

It’s afterward, as you’re both curled up on opposite sides of the couch while some nature documentary plays in the background, that you notice it. 

He’s been fidgety all night, even before you left to get the food, and you didn’t think anything of it before. But now he’s even worse, hands rubbing along his thighs nervously while he shoots you look after look, which you have no doubt he thinks you don’t notice. 

“What is up with you?” You ask him eventually, ignoring the way some bug is eating another bug’s head onscreen. 

“Nothing,” he says in a rush. “Just...ready for bed.”

“Then go to bed.” You say it like it’s obvious, because it is. If he’s so ready to sleep, then he should go; neither of you has ever expected the other to stay up and watch TV together. You’re individuals.

“Okay,” he says softly, adjusting his glasses as he stands. He gets all the way to his bedroom door before he comes back, hovering awkwardly in the hall entrance for several seconds before he finally sits back down on the couch. Now, however, he’s sitting with his thigh pressed against yours, the heat radiating through the shorts you’re wearing and searing into your skin. 

He’s still fidgety, still uneasy for some reason, and it’s as you turn to ask him what the hell’s going on that he pulls you into a kiss. It’s soft and lingering and it makes your stomach flip in all the ways it isn’t supposed to. 

“If you wanted to have sex, you should have just said so,” You whisper against his lips. You can feel it more than hear it as he starts to say something and then cuts himself off with a sigh. 

“I wanna be inside you,” he says instead. “Please.”

Heat pools between your legs, even at such simple words, and you find yourself nodding. He kisses you again, frantic and much more heated than before, and you can already tell what it’ll be like tonight. 

You’re right, too; it’s quick and dirty. You don’t even make it to the bed, not at first. He cages you against the wall in the hallway and slides a hand between your bodies to start to draw your first orgasm out. It’s the whine from the dog that makes you realize where you are, pulling apart long enough to stare at where Moni sits at the hallway entrance, head cocked to the side and watching you with a confused stare. 

That gets you into the bedroom, the door shut behind you as you fall together onto the bed. The two of you barely get your clothes off before Namjoon’s sliding inside of you and groaning at the feeling. 

“Fuck, Slick, you’re so wet,” he whispers against your skin as he thrusts. You can hardly make words, too focused on the way he fits inside of you and the absolute certainty that you cannot say a single word running through your head. 

Not that you’re in love with the way he holds your hips so gently as he thrusts, not how he whispers praise and adoration against you with every press of his lips to your skin, and certainly not how you want to stay like this forever. That you’re absolutely positive you’ve broken the cardinal rules of being fuckbuddies. 

Don’t get feelings. 

But you were a fool, anyway. Because it’s easy to break rules, especially when you go into it with feelings. 

The first orgasm hits you with a shockwave, and with the way Namjoon hits your g-spot, it’s followed by a second shortly after. Your hands claw into the sheets as he fills the condom, and it only takes a minute for him to clean himself up enough to relax in the bed beside you, but you hardly notice; you’re too busy adjusting to the emptiness that you’re left with now that he isn’t inside you, the yearning that fills you down to your bones with the need to be wrapped up in his arms and cradled to his chest as you both drift to sleep.

You force yourself up before you can get comfortable, fatigue sweeping through your bones. 

“I’m, uh, I’m gonna go shower,” You tell him. It’s a feat to keep your voice neutral, but you think you manage. “And then head to bed, I think. Uh, thanks. For the orgasms.”

The door to the bathroom closes behind you before he can even get a word out, and you force the image of his confused face out of your mind as you turn the water on. It takes every part of you to resist the urge to linger in the hot spray for longer than you need to be there, but you manage. 

By the time you’re slipping into bed, the light in Namjoon’s room is off and you can hear Moni settling into bed beside Namjoon. You can practically see them, curled up together all warm and settled in together. Content. 

You slip between your own sheets and wrap the fluffy blanket around you. Emotions are swirling in your gut and you do your best to ignore them all. You don’t need to focus on the way you want to be there with them, the way you want to curl your body into his with Moni between you, just the way he likes on the couch. 

“This is the worst idea I’ve ever had,” You tell yourself with a sigh as you try to fall asleep in your lonely bed. 

You don’t know that across the hall, Namjoon lays awake with Moni beside him, wondering how he fucked up so badly that you’re not in his arms anymore. He’d have every intention to tell you about his feelings. He wanted to end this friends-with-benefits thing, put it to rest so that he could take you out for real. So you could be together , for real. 

But you’d just bolted the second he was collapsing onto the bed, like you were running from something, and he wasn’t about to keep you here when you don’t want to be here. 

Still, he thinks as Moni burrows under the blankets to get closer to him, he can’t help but wish you were up against him as well, with your breathing steady and quiet as you sleep and he can feel your chest move with it. 

He just really wishes that you wanted that too.

The drive to the cabin is uneventful. You and Namjoon talk about work most of the way, chatting amicably about a few things that got corrupted in the data that have been frustrating to rebuild and how excited Moni was to see Jackson when he picked the pup up that day. 

You’re only a little nervous when you spot the wooden sign specifying that it belongs to the Kims. You’ve heard a lot of stories about Namjoon’s friends, seen one or two in passing when they come by the apartment to see Namjoon, though you tend to give them space when that happens. 

Still, nothing could ever compare to the welcome that greets you. There’s some kind of karaoke going on, with Taehyung and Star watching from the couch. There are crutches propped up nearby and you wonder what the story is there for the few seconds before your attention is drawn to the kitchen, where who you assume is Seokjin is scolding someone for shoving entirely too many cookies into their mouth. You catch sight of someone - blonde, giggling, followed by a sweet-looking girl - run out of the kitchen with his cheeks puffed out and crumbs on his lips, and you shoot Namjoon a look. 

“Jimin,” He explains with a grin. “C’mon, let’s go claim the den before someone else can get to it.”

That night is hectic, to say the least. Namjoon was right when he said his friends are welcoming, though; everyone is friendly and talkative - except for Pumpkin, Seokjin’s best friend who genuinely looks like she’s about to murder someone for the few moments that you see her during dinner but Namjoon assures you “That’s just her face, I promise.” Even when the boys get to reminiscing about the days they spent in that cul-de-sac, they include everyone else in their stories. 

Especially fun is when they all come up with theories about why Cat and Hobi are late, and while from what you’ve heard so far tonight, you agree with the proposal that they’re probably fucking, you still feel a sliver of worry for them. 

It’s the mention of sex that gets your stomach churning, though. Because Namjoon shoots you a knowing look, the same one he gets when you wear those ultra-short shorts around the house that he adores, and you already know what he wants. You can’t even say you don’t want it, too, because you don’t think you could ever turn down the opportunity to have him like that. It’s just so bittersweet when it ends-

“I’m going to start on dessert,” Seokjin states as he gathers plates. Yoongi and Peaches are gone in record time, and Taehyung and Star follow not long after, though it takes considerably longer with the way Taehyung helps her. Seokjin calls after them all that he’ll have dessert ready in a little while, and Namjoon shoots you another look when Jimin and Pumpkin don’t move from the table. 

“C’mon,” Namjoon whispers, grabbing your hand and urging you down the hallway. “Get our bags, we’re gonna steal Jin’s room.”

“That doesn’t seem like the best idea,” You whisper in return, though you do in fact grab the bags as he directs. “Isn’t that also Pumpkin’s room? Are we sure she won’t murder us?”

“No, it’ll be fine, Jin would never let her.” The thought isn’t as comforting as Namjoon means it to be, but you manage to get your bags in the room and their bags out without anyone the wiser. 

You realize your mistake too late. This room only has one bed. A singular sleeping area. The den has couches, you would have been fine, but you can’t sleep here. You can’t share the bed with Namjoon; it’s entirely too dangerous. Getting to see him still completely sleep soft, warm against you as the two of you doze in the early morning light? 

There would be no coming back from that. 

The thought leaves nearly as quick as it enters, driven away by the slide of Namjoon’s arms as he wraps them around you. 

"Do you want it, Slick?" His voice is deep and rumbling, almost a purr in your ear, and it makes your knees weak. It's truly ridiculous how easy it is for him to rile you up, but fuck , can you really complain?

Except you can, because it's not what you want. It's not everything you want. You can't ask for more, though, not when he doesn't want to give it.

His hands snake towards the waistband of your pants - fancy grey pinstriped pants that you bought specifically because Namjoon told you that Seokjin has a fancy dress code for New Year's Eve - and your heart jumps up into your throat. You spin in his arms, doing your best to look enthusiastic. 

"I want to blow you," You tell him as you sink to your knees. He leans back against the wall and quirks a brow, but he nods his agreement.

You set to work almost immediately; you're determined to make this the best blowjob of his life. It's the least you can do. You don't tell him that, though; you can't tell him. Not this. Not that you're so deeply entrenched in your feelings for him that you're afraid if you don't get out now you won't be able to. Not that you can't bear to have him touch you because you're afraid of what will come out of your mouth, what you might say or reveal that he doesn't want to know. 

Not when you're going to have to end this, as you decided while laying in bed two nights ago, cold and exhausted and utterly alone. 

You focus again on Namjoon, reminding yourself to pay attention. His dick is big - big enough that your fingers can only barely meet when you wrap them around it, but it means your jaw aches deliciously when you go down on him, and you adore the feeling of it in your throat.

So you swallow him down completely, burying him to the hilt with one swift movement. You've been practicing, and it has clearly paid off if the choked moan that escapes him is any indication. His hands tangle in your hair, not pulling or pushing but instead just sitting there and moving with you as you pull off just to bury him again. 

You look up and are pleased to find that his eyes are screwed shut, jaw clenched tight against the moans building inside of his chest. But that won't do at all. The best blowjob of his life can't possibly be one where he doesn't even look at you.

To rectify the situation, you bring one hand up to tease at his balls, squeezing ever so slightly in the way you know he likes as you swallow around his cock. He does moan then, fingers clenching in your hair as he opens his eyes to look down at you. 

"Fuck, just like that, Slick," He pleads. "Again, please again, it's perfect." You comply, humming an affirmative around his dick that makes him shudder before you swallow around him again. "God, fuck , you're so fucking perfect. Fucking amazing, the best, I can't believe I get to have this-"

Namjoon continues, mumbling in and out of coherency as you bop your head up and down on his cock. He's thick and heavy in your mouth and it feels like heaven on your tongue - it always does - and just when you think you can never get enough-

"Fuck, I love you so much, Slick, you're a god damn angel."

You pull off his dick, staring wide-eyed at him. Namjoon whines and looks down at you, clearly not comprehending what's just come out of his mouth.

"Fuck," He mutters. "Fuck, shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I don't...I'm so sorry I didn't want you to know, especially not like this. Shit. "

"Are you serious?" You ask as you stand back up. Namjoon makes a belated movement to help steady you, blood flowing back into your calves from where you were kneeled down for a while, but he stops himself. He doesn't even look at you, really, instead staring out the window nearby. "Namjoon, seriously. Did you mean that?"

"I mean…" He hesitates, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "Yeah. I did. I do. It's still new so I can't be entirely sure, but I think that's what this is." 

He heaves a sigh and tucks himself back into his slacks before moving to sit on the bed, one hand running through his platinum hair. 

"You weren't supposed to know," He mutters. "I thought I could keep it a secret. I didn't want to make it weird between us since you don't…" 

"Since I don't...feel the same?" You ask as you sit beside him. "You really...care about me like that?"

"Yeah," Namjoon whispers with a grin. It's fond and sweet and everything you've ever wanted and it's so unbearably familiar because it's how he's always looked at you. "Ever since we almost burned the lab down, I think."

"Same," You breathe, and you can't deny the way that you love the light that sparks in his eyes at that. "Ever since you ate the vegetables out of my rice and gave me your eggrolls." 

"Are you-"

"Yeah," You say with a laugh. "I guess we're kind of both at fault for this, then."

"Can I…" Namjoon trails off, searching for the words he wants. His hands move to wrap around yours, lacing your fingers together as he gives you a smitten smile. "We've been fucking for a while. As you know. But would you do me the honor of letting me make love to you?" 

You gulp, an audible and atrocious thing, because his words send a surge of desire straight to your core. He's right, you have been fucking, because that's the only thing the two of you can call it. You don't make eye contact, you don't sleep over, there are rules , but god, the two of you break everything else, so why not this?

"Please," You whisper.  

His lips are on yours in an instant, his hands following quickly after to strip your clothes off. You can't be sure when his clothes join the pile on the floor, just that one moment your fists are clenched in his shirt and the next, you're raking your nails down his bare back as he sucks purple marks into your neck. 

"God, you're beautiful," He mutters. "Fucking divine." 

"Then I match you, don't I?" You whisper. Two of his fingers slide into you, and both of you moan at the feeling. He glides them against your walls, teasing that one spot inside of you that he knows you adore, and you whine a little.

"Patience, my dear," He chuckles. When you whine again he grins, dimples making your stomach flip. "Alright then, Slick. Let me get a condom."

"No," You say quickly. "We've been exclusive, right? No risk or anything like that. I've got the implant. 98% effective. I want…"

"Say it, love," Namjoon breathes, eyes never leaving yours. 

"I want to feel you. Please." He nods at your words and settles between your thighs once more. Your breath hitches in your throat at the thought of what's to come. 

"Tell me if you want to stop," he says as he presses kisses to your neck, up your throat, and across your cheeks. He does it all to distract you as he slides inside, but he doesn't need to. You've been fucking him for months now, you know exactly how big he is, and you're more than ready for it. 

What you aren't ready for is the way his skin feels against your walls, how you can feel every pulse and throb of his cock inside you. It's better than anything you've ever felt, beyond any descriptors you could find, and it only gets better as he slides out and then back in. 

His pace is slow but steady, a rhythmic glide to it that's making you obscenely wet. It's a stark contrast to the gentle way he kisses you, the softness of his lips against yours. The sound of his skin hitting yours fills the room as he breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours. 

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," You tell him, sliding your hands along every inch of skin you can get. 

Nothing is loud enough to mask the sound of the door opening, however, and when you glance over you can see that Hoseok and Cat have apparently finished whatever the fuck it was they were doing. 

You shy back, doing your best to cover yourself from their eyes, but Namjoon's pace doesn't falter. 

" Taken ," He growls. He doesn't even break eye contact as he does so, and the way his hand tightens on your hip makes you think he isn't just talking about the bedroom. 

Thankfully the couple disappears after that, closing the door behind them as they go, and it flips a switch inside Namjoon somehow. 

His pace speeds up, pistoning in and out of you mercilessly. He starts to angle his hips, searching until you finally cry out with your back arching up off the bed itself. He just smiles and continues to hit that spot, one hand moving to support your back while the other rubs teasing circles into your clit. 

"That's it, love," he purrs. "Wanna watch you come for me like this. Let yourself fall apart on my cock, Slick, I'll be right here. I've got you." 

You really wish you could figure out what exactly it is he does then; some kind of swivel of his hips while his fingers do some complicated twist or something, you have no doubt, but nevertheless, it's got you unraveling underneath him. You clench around him, harder than you ever have, and you can feel the sheets soaking underneath you from the strength of your orgasm. 

It takes barely two more thrusts for Namjoon to come as well, stilling slightly as his cum hits your walls for the first time. It's warm and you can feel it settling inside of you, but you can't say you don't enjoy it. 

You're both panting, out of breath and exhausted and having worked all the food Seokjin made out of your system. Namjoon disappears for a few seconds before returning with a warm cloth to clean you up; his hands are tender as he does so, and you find yourself falling even deeper. 

After a quick power nap and an even quicker quickie - because Namjoon insisted that it wasn't fair that you got to go down on him but he didn't get to go down on you - the two of you mingle with the others. Hoseok and Cat fit seamlessly into the group, filling a space you hadn't realized was missing during dinner. It's obvious to you, as you lean against the kitchen island and watch them all, just how much this group loves each other. Even the newcomers, like the new girlfriends, are absorbed so perfectly into the existing group that it's as if they never left.

Hell, even Pumpkin is smiling a little, although you can't be sure it's not just because Seokjin looks Like That. 

"Ooh, icing," Namjoon says as he comes to join you in the kitchen. Seokjin barely gets a chance to say anything as Namjoon drags his thumb across the white droplet and sucks it into his mouth. 

The baker looks horrified, and you wish you knew why. Namjoon agrees, based on the look on his face. 

"What?" Namjoon asks. "It was good." Seokjin's face is as pale as it can possibly get when he waves Namjoon away, and you have a sneaking suspicion of just what your boyfriend put in his mouth. 

You don't bother to hide your smile as said boyfriend comes over to you and hands you a glass of champagne.

"What are you so happy about?" He asks teasingly.

"You," You tell him honestly. It's worth it when he ducks his head, shy smile making his dimples stand out even as he tries to hide it. "I adore you."

Namjoon doesn't respond, just kisses you. He breaks away for a few minutes, saying something to someone else, and when the clock strikes midnight, he presses another gentle kiss to your lips.

"What are you wishing for?" He asks. 

"Midnight wishes? Really?" You tease. He cocks a brow and you smile. "I don't need to wish for anything. I got everything I wanted this year." 

"Really? Everything?" 

You nod, straightening his tie ever so slightly. "And what about you? What are you wishing for?"

"Oh, that's easy." He wraps an arm around you and grins. "For you to finally accept the bear I made you that day in the mall."

"Moni loves that thing, I couldn't possibly take it from him."

"But it's got a microscope! And a lab coat!"

Well then," You tell him, dropping your voice so the others won't hear. "I suppose you'll have to make me another." 

He glances over to where Yoongi and Peaches stand and then back to you. 

"Covert mission to also get another for Jisoo?"

"Glad we're on the same page here," You tell him with a smile.

[actuallybarb]

The Aftermath ~ Part 4

Summary: y/n gets a card from happy hogan and vomits on the side of the road after telling off brad in the middle of an airport

Pairing: peter parker x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff, mysterio is the worst, trauma, it’s marvel what did you expect

Word Count: 1741

A/N: i know it’s reader insert but i’m emotionally attached to y/n... so, me

                                                         //////////

Let me tell you, getting lava to come out of the bottom of the Thames was pretty much the worst experience I’ve ever had in my life. And I thought Italy was bad.

Beck had a drone on standby, waiting to shoot me should I suddenly decide I’d rather die than destroy London.

I started destroying London.

It wasn’t easy. Beck told me I had to use all four elements to make it convincing, and it took all of my concentration. Listen, I’m damn good. I can make buildings crumble, I can make airplanes stop shaking in mid air, I know what the hell I’m doing. But all four elements at once? Let’s just say I’ll have a migraine for days.

I positioned myself at the very top of the monster so I could see what I was doing. I tried to do as much damage with as few casualties as possible, but I had to perform—Beck was watching.

I was waiting for Mysterio to come out and save the day, as planned, but then a red and blue blur dropped from the sky.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” I smiled, a full-blown smile. Beck had announced at the top of his lungs that he had killed Spider-Man. I didn’t take it well. I mean, what do you expect? I’d known Peter for a full year of school, and I was actually starting to call him a friend (to myself, of course, I’d let him admit that first) and then Beck just had to go ahead and drop that bomb on me.

Peter dove into the water and —

Oh shit he thinks this is a projection.

I hollowed out the middle of my monster and pulled him all the way up to my makeshift platform. Then his jaw dropped when he saw me.

“Y/N!”

I punched him in the shoulder. “I thought you were dead!”

“You’re working with Mysterio?”

“No, fuck him, he’s forcing me to do this.” I knocked some people off of the sidewalk and into the Thames. “He said he’d kill my family if I didn’t do what he said.”

Peter was gaping at me. “You’re the Avatar!”

I groaned. “Peter! You’re missing the point! I’m being forced to destroy London until you can kick Mysterio’s ass.”

He sobered up quickly. In complete honesty, he looked like shit. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheek was scrapped, and he was standing heavily to one side. Shit, just like I said. “Where is he?”

I thrust my chin toward Tower Bridge as I let my sludgy fist come down on a coffee shop. So much wasted espresso.

I had been at it for an hour, maybe two, when Peter shot some webs into the air without swinging from them. I took that as my cue to cool it, and I let the lava sink back to the Earth’s core. The Thames happily returned to normal, and I deposited myself on the uneven cobblestones by the Tower of London. The moment I touched down MJ ran past me with a weapon in hand, straight for the bridge. Odd.

“Was - was that monster thing... you?” Flash’s camera was pointed at me. I wanted to take his phone and chuck it straight into the filthy water, but all I did was look at him tiredly.

“We’re all just full of secrets, aren’t we Eugene?”

“You okay, kid?” A man with a goatee was with Ned and Betty and he looked vaguely familiar.

“Dead on my feet,” I admitted.

He nodded. “Let’s get back to your class.”

I would’ve fallen flat on my face if Flash hadn’t stepped forward and wrapped an arm around me. “Thanks,” I mumbled as I wrapped my own arm around his shoulders. “Where did everyone think I went?”

“Uh,” he cleared his throat, “Harrington said he got an email from your mom saying you weren’t feeling well, so you were gonna stay behind in Prague with some family then fly home. Everyone else was really skeptical, especially ‘cause Peter used the same excuse, but it’s not like we could do anything.” We slowly made our way back to the rest of the class. “Good luck explaining to Harrington how you’re back.”

“Think he’ll believe the truth?”

Flash’s eyebrows scrunched together. “What’s the truth?”

“I was kidnapped by Mysterio and he made me turn into an Elemental so he could become the new Tony Stark.”

I wish I could’ve told him I was making it up. I wish I could’ve made myself believe I was making it up. But I wasn’t. Reality really is shit.

Flash just chuckled half heartedly. “No. But that doesn’t mean he won’t let you go back with us anyway.”

We rejoined the class eventually, Peter still missing, but MJ quickly joined my other side and whispered in my ear, “I just kissed Peter.”

My eyes widened and I whispered back, “Holy shit that’s awesome,” but my heart wasn’t in it.

They’re really cute, and obviously happy. But I was starting to get attached to him. And now he couldn’t be mine. Not that he was to begin with, but a small part of me was hopeful.

“Y/N! You’re back!” Harrington’s exclamation could be heard over all of the class, so they all turned their heads to look at me. Joy.

“Yeah, turns out my connecting flight was the same as yours. Crazy how that works out, right?”

“Well, we’re glad to have you here. Okay, let’s all get back to the airport, we still have a flight to catch.”

The rest of them started migrating, but I stuck back. I don’t have a ticket. I can’t get on a plane without a ticket.

“Hey, kid, you okay?” It was the same familiar guy from before.

“I- I don’t have a ticket. M- Mysterio was the one who got me here, and I never thought so far as a way home, and-“ I was on the verge of tears, and before I could object, his arms were wrapped around me and he was patting my back softly.

“Hey, you’ll be okay. I-“

But he was interrupted by none other than Spider-Man himself.

“Happy, hey- Y/N?”

Before I could really stop myself I launched myself into Peter’s arms and hugged him tightly. “God, he told me you were dead.”

His arms eventually reciprocated the level of tightness I was giving out. “It wasn’t a fun time for me, either.”

I let go eventually, mostly because I was starting to lose the feeling in my arms. I couldn’t even really say anything without tears getting in the way so I just stood there, awkwardly, sniffling.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” It was the guy, Happy, that suggested it. “Tickets, then showers, then clothes, then sleep. Both of you.”

“I could sleep for a lifetime,” I mumbled.

I don’t remember much else. I ended up between Flash and Brad, which wasn’t too bad considering Flash has comfy shoulders and the more I slept the longer I could ignore Brad. I kind of figured it was inevitable, Brad stopping me to finally have a talk, but I was hoping to avoid it.

“Why do you hate me, Y/N? I’ve tried to be nice to you, and all you���ve ever done in return is throw it back in my face.”

“Can we not do this right now, Brad? Or ever, for that matter?”

“No.” He grabbed my arm as I tried walking away. “I deserve an answer.”

I was exhausted. I was pissed. My mind was not in a good state. And I may have felt how real Brad was, but that didn’t stop my skin from crawling when his hand grabbed me.

I wrenched my arm out of his grasp. “I don’t owe you shit. Just because you deserve an explanation doesn’t mean I have to give you one.”

“You’re a first rate bitch, you know that?”

“And he finally drops the nice guy facade.” I probably shouldn’t have gotten so close to him, but I was not in the best state, mentally. Despite that little voice in the back of my head, I took a step closer and nearly bumped chests with him. “You’ve been trying to keep up this act so they can accept you, but you’re doing a real shit job at hiding the fact that you believe you’re just a scared twelve year old to these people. You’ve been letting their opinions about you control your life and it’s exhausting.”

“Like you’re any better.”

I took a step back and a deep breath. “If I let their opinions of me control my life I would’ve been dead a long time ago.” I shrugged. “I know what I am to them, and there’s nothing to change it. But that doesn’t mean I have to seek their approval. They’ve already made their decision about who I am - I have my whole life to make mine.” I shoved past him and finally made it out of the airport, just in time to see Peter give MJ a small peck before going to his aunt. Another punch to the gut. Reality: 1, Y/N: 0.

“Y/N! Sweetheart! We were so worried.” My parents, bless their souls, ran up to me and wrapped me in their arms. I would’ve burst into tears right there if Happy didn’t make eye contact with me and hand me a business card behind their backs. He lifted his hand to his ear and mouthed, ‘call me,’ to which I nodded simply for lack of a better response. “Let’s get you home,” they insisted. I was ushered into the car and driven straight home, but I didn’t hear a word they said.

My own parents don’t know what I can do. I could’ve died and they would never know I had abilities.

Holy shit.

I could have died.

“Stop the car.”

Dad looked back in concern. “Y/N, are you okay?” Of course I wasn’t okay, I was asking you to stop the car in the middle of the freeway.

“Dad, stop the car, I’m gonna be sick.”

He pulled over and I jumped out and emptied the trashy airplane food from my system. How could it be legal to serve that to people?

“Y/N?” Mom put a hand on my back and I almost lost it again. “Let’s get home and we’ll talk. Okay?”

Wow, did we have a lot to talk about.

tags: @eridanuswave​ @vampirestrawberries​

[blockedmite]

A Warm Surprise | Abby Anderson x Reader

You go on a camping trip that ends with meeting Abby.

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

AN: So..

This is the Abby Anderson Lumberjack fic that I've been working on. This is my first ever fic. I have never truly written anything like this before and definitely not to this extent. But this fic in particular is one that I just had to write. I couldn’t  live with the fact that Lumberjack Abby didn’t exist so, I set out to write it. I have never been so involved in a fandom like this before. Abby Anderson really does make me loss my mind, body, and soul every time I see her. She's the exact reason why I never want to say I have hobbies, I just have current obsessions. lol. 

But anyways, back to the fic. It's about you and Abby, not me. lol. So this fic is a Modern AU! with Abby as a lumberjack and a Fem!Reader. This is chapter 1 of 10. It’s also just shy of 2k words. 

Warnings:

cursing

slight angst

This fic is dedicated to @kittycat-beans. She is a an amazing writer and has been the massive inspiration to write. She is a truly sweet and beautiful person that everyone should have in their life and I am glad to have met her. This fic is also in honor of @shadowcrow. They are a amazing friend and they have helped and supported me as hard as they could when making this one chapter. They truly have my back all the way and I can count on them at any time. They are also an amazing writer as well. They are the friend that everyone deserves and I am glad to have her. 

A Warm Surprise

Chapter 1: Camping Trip Gone Wrong

Bearberry Lake in Seattle was the most perfect, beautiful place in the world. Amazing flora and fauna, nice weather, plenty of land to explore, and its magnum opus: a huge and breathtaking lake in the shape of a bear. It truly felt like a place built only for you.

And to top it all off, it was going to happen during your favorite season of the year: winter. The beauty of starting a warm fire with a hot cup of chocolate made your heart flutter, and coupled with waking up to freshly fallen snow while it crushed lovingly under your boot could cause you to flat line.

You also had the added benefit of not having to face any of the more big, hairy and scary animals in your winter wonderland; they were all too busy hibernating or trying not to freeze to death like you.

You had planned for this trip for a long time and it was finally here. After nearly a year of unexpected events and financial troubles you were able to save up enough money to go on a 10-day trip.

10 days!

You could just barely believe it. Ten whole days of a peaceful bliss. Ten whole days in the best place on Earth. Ten whole days in your own winter world.

Everything was planned and laid out perfectly.

It sounded cheesy, but you were seriously sure nothing could go wrong.

Right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, this sure as hell wasn’t on the brochure.” You thought as you almost clung to the small camping heater.

“Fuck Seattle.” You thought even more aggressively. ”Bearberry Lake ‘the most beautiful place on Earth’. Yeah right, kiss my frozen-over ass.” But deep down you knew you couldn’t blame Bearberry Lake, you couldn’t blame Seattle, hell, you couldn’t even blame Seattle weather. You could only blame yourself. You convinced yourself you were going to live in some Disney winter wonderland for 10 days in the middle of the woods.

You were the one to run out here with little to no camping experience. You were the one that came out here without checking the damn weather. 

But truly, how could you have known? You were just so sick and tired of your life back in Jackson that you had to run away. You wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. There was nothing there for you. It was so empty back there that 10 days in the woods was actually really exciting.

But for now, fuck Bearberry Lake, fuck Seattle, and fuck Seattle weather. 

However, all your “fucking” of the general area around you was getting hit with a cold and harsh reality. Both figuratively and literally. It was COLD. Like really fucking cold. This entire time you were inching closer and closer to your little camping heater and you couldn’t feel a thing. You were sure at this point you could French kiss the damn thing and barely burn your lip. Plus your body was going full overdrive to try and keep you warm.

You suddenly became very aware of your arms and legs shaking like crazy, barely able to hold your fingers still. Your teeth were chattering together like a cartoon and your 2 layers of clothes were doing nothing to stop the cold. Your tent was shaking as badly as you were and your sleeping bag was a no-go at this point.

Your hearing decided to kick back in and you were immediately blasted with the screaming wind and to be perfectly honest, you wanted to scream with it. It was quickly becoming apparent that this was not a below-average day. This was something much, much worse.

“Dear God, this is a fucking blizzard.”

As that terrible thought rushed to the front of your mind, you rushed to the front of your tent. You tried doing a low running stance but your numb legs gave out on you. You were forced to crawl to the front and unzip the tent. You reached out your hand, struggling to grab hold of the little flapping zipper. This small action took a lot of energy out of you. You had to hold yourself up with one hand while keeping yourself still enough to catch a tiny zipper. You finally caught it. Ripping the zipper down, you were immediately greeted with a blast of cold, heart-stopping air.

You actually threw yourself backward towards your cold camping heater in the hope that’ll actually do it’s one job. Even though you were literally holding onto the heater for dear life, you could just barely feel any heat. It wasn’t made any better due to the wind blasting into your tent. Any amount of heat that was being generated was kindly being sweeped away. 

As you looked down and over yourself towards the now open front of the tent, you could see outside. White. Nothing but pure white snow. Both falling and on the ground. The falling snow was coming at an angle so steep that it was almost sideways. The snow on the ground was about one or two inches higher than it was before. Even the floor of your tent was covered in a small, thin layer of snow for the few seconds that it’s been open. You looked back outside to try and see…..something out there. You looked really hard passed the falling snow and could just barely see the treeline opposite of you. Then it hit you. That treeline was only a few feet away from you. You were stuck in the middle of a blizzard with no heat and could barely see.

“I have to get out of here!” You thought suddenly. “I can NOT stay here! I am going to die!”

You could barely process the thought before your fight or flight senses caused you to sit up suddenly. You frantically looked around for something to take with you.

“Heater? Hell no! Sleeping bag? Maybe. Blanket. Yeah. My bag? My bag!”

You grabbed your bag and opened it. It was mostly empty. You had packed little for your trip, believing there was only going to be light snowfall. There was just random, useless camping equipment and your phone. You grabbed your phone out of habit and frantically looked back at the open front of your tent. The cold wind bit at your face but that didn’t stop you from noticing that the once thin layer of snow was now a small mound. You had to get out of there.

Now.

You shoved your phone in your jacket pocket and grabbed the blanket and sleeping bag. You rushed out of the tent but immediately fell to the ground. It was your damn legs again. They still hadn’t regained their feeling yet. Now you were half way stuck in and out the tent. Your top half was getting eaten by the cold, harsh wind. Snow and ice were sticking to your face while your hands were buried in the snow, holding you up. Your lower half was no warmer but your legs were starting to get that familiar “pins-and-needles” feeling in them. 

But you couldn't let that stop you. 

You pushed yourself up and painfully got on one leg. The wind was now hitting square on the front part of your body, sending a shiver down your spine. You pushed yourself up further onto both legs. They were met with pain and the cold wind as you now stood outside of the tent. Completely exposed to the cold. 

“Oh…..my…..g..god.” You said through clattering teeth. “It’s…..it’s…..so...cold.”

You stood there, shivering like your life depended on it. Well, that’s because it did. If a tent and a heater couldn’t keep you warm then standing out here was basically a death wish. You had to get going.

You reached down and grabbed your blanket and wrapped it around you. It did nothing to stop the cold but it was better than nothing. Next, you reached for your sleeping bag. You thought about unzipping it and wrapping it around you like the blanket but it was far too heavy. You didn’t want anything slowing you down, so you just dropped it and left. 

You started to walk off into the white. Wrapped in nothing more than a blanket and willpower. Every step was a little painful as your legs adjusted to movement again. Hard pieces of fast falling snow were striking you in the face and your visibility was low. The wind pushed on your body more and more the further you got away from your tent. At every step it threatened to make your weak legs fall or slip. You knew you couldn’t fall because if you did, you wouldn’t get back up. 

With every unnerving step, your legs got a little stronger. You didn’t know if it was just them adjusting to movement again or adrenaline, but you weren’t complaining. You had to get back to the….get back to…get back….

“Where the hell am I going?!?!” You thought frantically. “Where am I going? Where am I? Where can I go?”

You had just walked out of the tent without thinking of where to go. You looked around but all you could see was white. Any identifying markers around the area were nowhere to be found. You stopped in your tracks and tried to think. You couldn’t spare wasting time running around mindlessly in a blizzard. 

Then, you realized that you had your phone. You reached into your pocket, finding it to be no warmer than the outside, and pulled out your phone. You turned it on and looked at the screen. You saw that the time was slightly after noon. Your eyes darted to the Wi-Fi indicator. NO SERVICE, it read. Out of habit, you also looked at the battery power. 5%. Five. Fucking. Percent.

“FUCK!” you thought. “Great. Just fucking great.”

Now, not only were you stuck in the middle of a blizzard but you were now stuck in the middle of a blizzard with no way to call for help or any sort of guide. You just had to rely on memory to help you out of this situation.

You thought of places to go. You thought about your tent first, but that was thrown out for obvious reasons. You then thought about the camping lodge you saw, but it was too far away. You remembered being able to drive your car up to your desired camping grounds but it was a bit of a hike and took some exploring to find your spot. You also remember seeing some log cabins while driving but you weren’t sure if anyone was there or if you were willing to break into one. But it was still an option. Your car was your best bet. It was going to have to do for now. You had to get to some sort of shelter and fast. 

The wind hadn’t let up one bit and you were much colder now. You turned and pushed your feet through the thick snow. Relying on your memory and directional instinct to lead your way. Your legs were slightly better but they still needed some work. Your visibility seemed to be getting worse. You keep tracking towards the direction of your car and hopefully some sort of shelter in between. 

“I gotta keep going. I gotta keep going.” You thought. “I gotta keep going. I can’t die here.”

“I won’t.”

[sophiamcdougall]

EXPLAINING SANREMO

(PART TWO) I am back. I have barely eaten or slept and Tumblr has tried to murder me and this post multiple times, but I have survived. Thank you for your patience.

Part One of my attempt to explain the seismic experience that is 2020 Sanremo Festival of Italian Song is here. 

Ready? I assure you, you are not, but let’s proceed. So Sanremo rages pitilessly on.  Now everyone knows what’s at stake, and everyone, including your humble recapper, is exhausted, but doing the gay/chaotic best they can.

As the final battle to save Amadeus, Rancore, Italy and THE WORLD approaches, Achille Lauro has a last message for the troops. And I’m not deducing this, he literally said it on Twitter. 

...Hold me I’m scared.

Meanwhile (sort of) (go with it) (time isn’t real at Sanremo)  a minor drama  has occurred offstage. Singer Tiziano Ferro made an ill-advised joke about Fiorello’s interminable comedy bits, some idiots on Twitter ran away with it, and poor Fiorello was upset! This is minuscule in Sanremo terms. But consider the flapping of a butterfly’s wings. Consider hurricanes. But who is Tiziano Ferro?

Hold on. We’ll get to it. For now ...

Fiorello is dancing seductively for an absolutely delighted Amadeus while dressed as a rabbit. And wearing a blonde wig. Is there a rational explanation for this? I mean, sort of. But also no.

And then he worries Amadeus might give him herpes, which causes Amadeus to freaking snap.

“No, no!” yells the mercurial Fiorello. Amadeus isn’t worthy of his kisses yet. He ricochets out of Amadeus’s arms and into the audience and “passes on” the kiss to a guy in the front row. 

“Incredible things are going to happen tonight!” yells Amadeus, who has no fucking idea. ”Beautiful things,” corrects Fiorello. 

But just because Fiorello is a mayhem elemental on a mission of love doesn’t mean he hasn’t got feelings. 

Enter Italy’s sweetheart, Tiziano Ferro.

Actually, Tiziano’s been there all along. He’s the specialest of special guests, singing through basically his entire back catalogue every night. Which why it really was unfair of him to pick on Fiorello --   it’s not his fault he’s literally got to stand there and babble nonsense for aeons on end, Tiziano! He’s just serving the hungry chthonic entity that is Sanremo, same as you.  

While the gay mayhem (the gayhem, if you will) surges around him, Tiziano  has been fighting the good gay fight in his own steadfast way, so far untouched. His mere presence is a message of hope in itself, he knows this, and is determined to make it count. Ten years ago he was closeted, convinced coming out would end his career, and suicidal. Now happily married and gloriously successful, he is here to demonstrate that “it gets better”. He radiates such wholesome joy and resilience that everyone loves him.

So anyway, Tiziano didn’t mean to hurt anybody because he would never, and now he wants to make things right. So will Fiorello forgive him?

Ah, what better gesture of reconciliation than to goofily sing a  love song written by Fiorello himself. Of course Fiorello forgives Tiziano, because Fiorello loves everyone, good and bad, (after all he loves Amadeus the most). But he is also a chaos being, and he is working harder than anyone else to channel the divine madness of this deranged Sanremo Festival into anyone who gets close. Tiziano, watch out!

Seems TIziano naively thought he could lean in for a staged, nearly kiss, but  Fiorello’s very soul is antithetical to “nearly” anything.

“My husband’s going to divorce me!”  wails poor Tiziano, but Fiorello has never felt so alive. This is Sanremo, bitches. Rules like “sixty-year-old men can’t be danger twinks, Fiorello,” have ceased to apply. He is an apostle of Achille Lauro, he has accepted the sermon of Benigni into his heart: it is time for PHYSICAL LOVE. While not quite ready (yet) to fuck everyone in the orchestra pit, he is throbbing with readiness, to frolic all over the theatre giving all the guys he can get his hands on THE KISSES OF HIS MOUTH.

Naturally this sparks further firestorms of chaos. “Do it again!” begs grizzled rocker and high-ranking competitor Piero Pelù. Electrified by the touch of Fiorello’s lips, he is later to be found running shirtless through the auditorium where he steals a handbag.

Everyone is kissing everyone, age and orientation be damned. Summoned by the gay sorcery unfolding, 65-year-old queer rock goddess Gianna Nanini manifests and is kissed worshipfully on the lips by 36-year-old duet partner Coez.

There’s also some kind of song competition going on I guess. 

This happens:

That’s Ghali, GUYS, IT’S NOT WORKING, rappers ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES ALL OVER THIS STAGE, WE’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

(...  it isn’t really Ghali and don’t worry. This is a gag? Which I still don’t really get? And nor does sweet anarchist cherub Fiorello whom we will later discover is currently being physically restrained from rushing onstage to tend to the fallen rapper’s wounds.)

The real Ghali raps in Arabic which among other things is a big old “me ne frego” of his own to Italian Trump-tribute act and failed wannabe prime minister Matteo Salvini. Then he gets close to Fiorello, which can only end one way.

All the boys are crazy for Fiorello’s kisses but Amadeus still can’t have any

It’s already a difficult night for Amadeus.  TV presenter Antonella Clerici enters and far from standing a step beside him, righteously rips the piss out of him, which to be fair he accepts with grace.

And as for Achille Lauro ... ...No.  Patience. The time to bear witness to the last stand of Achille Lauro is not yet come. There are other forces stirring at Sanremo.

Chaos has its dark side.

The gun on stage is cocked and loaded. This is it. ENTER MORGAN.

... and enter Bugo,  who trails in behind Morgan, looking dazed and haunted. But whatever, it’s a million o’clock in the morning, aren’t we all. 

They start to play.  Italian Tumblr dozes fitfully on its sofa, idly crackshipping Amadeus and Fiorello. Utterly unprepared.

So most of us don’t notice what’s happening ...

... until the music just stops.

No one’s paid attention to the Morgan and Bugo in days. As far as I’m concerned Fabrizio Moro has already been avenged and my bloodlust is slaked.  The song - apparently written wholly by Bugo - honestly, isn’t bad, but Morgan’s been tuneless throughout and their duet/cover last night was cringeable. There have been some major reversals in the rankings but at this point there’s almost no way they’re going to be one of them.  And Morgan is not happy.

So Morgan changed the lyrics (and this isn’t even last-minute improv, he fucking printed it) to attack the one person who still had faith in him, blaming Bugo and Bugo alone for their poor performance so far. On live TV. In front of millions. After screaming at Bugo backstage just minutes ago. And he expects Bugo to just stand there and take it.

"Me ne frego to that shit,” thinks Bugo, and becomes the unexpected self-care hero of Sanremo as he vanishes into the night.

And that’s how I learned the Italian word for pandemonium. 

Morgan has the absolute nerve to ask what’s going on. Amadeus breaks out in visible cold sweat. Fiorello is thrown bodily onstage to DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING, OH MY GOD.

It’s long past midnight and a bunch of worried middle-aged men in sparkly jackets are scampering around yelping “Bugo? Bugo! BUGO? BUGO!!!” and that, I am here to tell you, when you are already delirious from exhaustion and shitposting-induced hysteria, is more than enough to tip you right over the edge.

Italian Tumblr resigns itself to never sleeping again.The memes aren’t going to make themselves. 

Translation: ”Is Bugo there?” “What’s happening?” “Where’s Bugo gone?” “I have to go and see where Bugo is.” “Bugo left.” “BUGO!”

Morgan wants vengeance. Fiorello, adorably indifferent to the fact that he was shoved on stage to, you know, entertain the audience, wants to find the missing waif, wrap him in a blanket and feed him soup. So they both rush offstage and Amadeus is left alone in a living anxiety dream.

The audience are booing.  The 70th fucking Sanremo Festival of Italian Song is falling to pieces on his watch. For all he knows murder is going on backstage and he picked known powder-keg and scoundrel Morgan for the Festival. The buck stops with him. And he has no lines, no back-up, no idea what to do about it.

And then Fiorello, angel of misrule, avatar of lawlessness and love, strolls back onstage. He looks confident and relaxed, like a man with all the answers.  Which he is.

“Have you got Bugo?” Amadeus inquires desperately.

NO RULES, NO MASTERS, NO SPONSORSHIP MONEY. ME NE FREGO.

Everything is broken. And somehow everything is OK.

Everyone, Amadeus included, bursts into hysterical, cathartic laughter.

“Is this my fault?” Amadeus asks. “YES!” crows Fiorello, lovingly forcing Amadeus to face his sins and his nightmares in a healing atmosphere of radical acceptance and mass psychosis.

And that’s how Amadeus learned that the real Sanremo was inside us all along.  And what he needs in this glorious maelstrom was never a beautiful woman standing a step behind him. It’s a chaos pixie dream boy at his side.

It’s time to cast out toxic masculinity and become a better man.

So Amadeus wraps up the show as best he can and then out of pure human compassion, he and Fiorello personally wander the streets of Sanremo looking for Bugo until four in the morning.

Bugo and Morgan are automatically disqualified

And now let us witness the final passion of Achille Lauro. Who is this Achlle Lauro kid anyway? How intentional is all this? Is he the Messiah, or a very naughty boy?

SO YEAH. Anyway, everyone’s wondering what the fuck Achille and his producer/guitarist Boss Doms (yes, really) are going to do, and BE, next. Achille’s first three looks were inspired by St Francis of Assisi, David Bowie, and Marchesa Luisa Casati. 

So ... Freddie Mercury, maybe? Elizabeth I? Jesus Christ?  And after the flurry of kissing Fiorello whipped up .. 

Will they ... can they ... dare they...

Do you even need to ask?

I have no idea how the crazy bastards who guessed “Elizabeth I” did it. 

Achille thrusts his hips against Boss’s backside. Drops to his knees before him and lets the shape of the microphone speak for itself. Briefly chokes him. And throughout they are tender, elegant, and utterly, regally dignified.

And then, at last.

A  joyous chorus of maenad-like shrieks rings out across Europe. If you’re in the Greater London area and your ears are still sore, I’m sorry. That was me. 

That’s it. Achille Lauro and Boss Doms ascend into heaven and pass into history. 

Not even they can give more to Sanremo.

The dust settles. 

The dawn breaks.

WE FUCKING DID IT! RANCORE LIVES! WOUNDED (as are we all) BUT SMILING AT A WORLD TRANSFORMED! (Not only that but, after starting at the bottom of the leaderboard he’s been catapulted up into the top ten and wins the special prize for Best Lyrics!)

And Amadeus?

Well, let’s hear from him in his own words.

Because Fiorello asked him to, Amadeus is wearing a blonde wig to look like legendary TV host Maria de Filippi. Amadeus doesn’t normally sing, but because Fiorello asks him to, he joins him in song.“A WORLD OF LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!” they chorus. It’s the hymn of the new day. 

“He can make me do anything!” Amadeus sighs to the audience. So Fiorello asks him to slow-dance.  And they do.

The prophecy has been fulfilled. Amadeus has let love into his heart. He has surrendered to the holy power of gay chaos. He is a man reborn. 

He didn’t find Bugo on that long, gruelling dark night of the soul, because incredibly,  poor Bugo never left the theatre and spent the night literally hiding in a cupboard.

But he found something else. 

As Sanremo finally, mercifully approaches its end, Fiorello grapples him close and, all teasing cast aside, whispers fiercely in his ear:

And somehow it was.

And toxic masculinity?

To find out why don’t we - and I am sorry about this - check in on Matteo Salvini who would normally be rage-tweeting up a Trump-style storm by now. He loves bitching about Sanremo for being “rigged by the left”  or occasionally letting a non-lily-white performer win, and this year he even tried to organise a boycott. Let’s see how that’s going.

This, the gayest-ever Sanremo in history, is the most-watched Sanremo in 18 years, with an incredible 60% audience share.

“Me Ne Frego” flies to the top of the Spotify charts.  (And though the judges are still cowards and traitors who left Achille in 8th place, there is no doubt across the media who the real star of the festival was. ) And Salvini’s “boycott” just meant he effectively banned himself from making a peep about it.

So who won the festival?

ALL OF US.

Oh, you meant literally.

This guy. His name is Diodato and his song is called “Fai Rumore” (Make a Sound.) It’s fine.

And that was Sanremo. It wasn’t a dream, it was a place. And you, and you, and you were there.

[shnuggletea]

So...I completely forgot to post this one to AO3 yesterday. I had an argument with AO3 and this one got missed. And it’s one of my faves so I’m posting it now a day late.

Want a fluffy college AU with a side of body swap? I can’t tell you how much I love this kiss lol.

I really love this one. I wish I had more time to write it but I’m still really happy with it lol. It’s up on AO3 here. For the unedited version (some smoots in there) subscribe and read on my Patreon here.

You can read it below too if you like. I hope you drop me some love either here or on AO3. Or Patreon lol.

@underwater0phelia @lavendertwilight89 @mamabearcat @nartista @nopenname22 @echobows @superpixie42 @smmahamazing @redflamesofpassion @jme-chan @cstorm86 @cicleydark-light @ruddcatha @lavaffair @kirrtash @sistasecbhere @obsessandfangirl @britonell @lordofthechips @mcornilliac @faolenwolf @keichanz @phoenix-before-the-flame @artisticloveexpressitsall @lamuertadehambre @noyourenotreal @mitty-san @thenoammonster @little-deeluna @royaltrashpanda @sailorbabydoll92 @storyweaver2017 @malditamigs @adorabubblesblog @lilms-obsessed @petri808 @anniehcresta @fan-dumpp @itzatakahashi @utakuprincess @theschultinator @all-too-ale @little-inukag-obsessed @theseagullqueen @queenofthesquirps @jolinaaa00 @knowall7k @neutronstarchild @fawn-eyed-girl @eringobroke @sapphirestarxx @clearwillow @dangerouspompadour @misspepperpottss  @jayangel10 @master-ray5 @sailorsilverladybug @astraearose93 @egosolivagant @fandompromptsandfun @fandomartlover @holi-holy @kagometaishostory  @liz8080

She couldn’t take any more of this. Kagome had a huge test tomorrow (midterms) and the jerks next door were having  another  party. She got it. Some people finished up early and were just hanging around with nothing more to do during the break. But it was mostly those who were majoring in “Undecided” with a minor in “What the fuck am I doing with my life?”. 

 Kagome was double majoring. At least, that’s what they called it here but really it was like having two lives. One major was for show and the other a secret. Just like everyone at this university for those who were… different. 

 For example; her roommate, Sango, was majoring in sports medicine and demon-slaying. Kagome was majoring in Psychology and Healing (aka Miko Magic). 

 Her neighbor was majoring in failing. Or at least, that’s what she supposed since all he ever seemed to do was throw parties. And his roommate went along with it. A couple of slack asses with all the free time in the world to torture her with. All because the two of them were ‘the exception’. One a human with a cursed hand and the other half human half demon, they didn’t exactly fit into the school’s ideal student but had nowhere else to go. 

 Couldn’t have the world finding out about them now could they?

 As she spilled out into her hall, Kagome really wished she had the funds for an apartment as the entire dorm floor was out. It was an open door party. 

 It was surprising just how many of her floormates were involved. Kagome was pretty sure at least some of them still had exams to survive. Everyone seemed to be looking at her as she passed; as if they knew she was about to kill the party. 

 Pushing through to the inside of the ‘main room’, the one that was responsible for this mess of a party, Kagome choked on her gasp. Someone knocked on her back until she breathed on her own. “Professor Kaede?? What the hell are you doing here?!”

 Sitting at the table that had been moved into the small dorm room, Miroku sat with his hand in Kaede’s. It looked like she was doing palm readings but that was a parlor trick at best. “I’m determining the students’ futures. Would ye like a reading, Kagome?”

 Kaede went back to Miroku’s palm while Kagome stormed up to the table. “I already know my future. Because I’m going to  fail  my midterm thanks to this jerk!”

 “Come now, Kagome, you’re a very bright woman. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Now, Kaede-san, when will I meet the mother of my child?!”

 Kagome’s jaw dropped as Kaede searched Miroku’s palm with a serious look on her face. “Your palm looks very dark, I’m afraid.”

 “Oh haha, I know about my curse already old lady. What about my future?”

 Kagome smacked the back of Miroku’s head. “Show some respect!!”

 She was about to do more when Miroku shot her a wink but Kagome was pulled off the floor and into strong arms. She didn’t give up the fight, knowing full well who was brave enough to mess with her like this and it only angered her more. “Ignore her, Professor Kaede. She’s under a lot of stress.” Kagome clawed Inuyasha’s arm and got free while he held the scratched arm as if it actually hurt the half-demon. “GAH! What’s your problem now, Kagome!”

 “My problem?” Kagome ignored the complete lack of respect Inuyasha sent her way with her name and let it fuel her rage. “My problem is that I have a huge test tomorrow and…”

 “You always have a huge test or huge paper or huge pain in my ass something tomorrow! LIghten up, Kagome, this is college! You’re supposed to have fun!”

 “Why? Your slack ass is having enough fun for me and everyone else on campus. Damn lazy man whore!!”

 They were in each other’s faces but no one worried in the slightest. The pair always got like this. Inuyasha didn’t take his glare off of Kagome as he spoke to Kaede. “Professor, can you tell me Kagome’s past?”

 “Why would ye want that?”

 “I want to find the demon that put the massive  stick up her ass  and slay them before she ruins my entire college experience.”

 “Drop dead!”

 “You first!!!”

 “Guys! Stop it!” Sango yelled. 

 Kagome rolled her eyes at her roommate, currently chatting with some guy while sipping on a drink. Everyone was having fun besides her. Miroku jumped up from his seat and Inuyasha plopped down, wrapping an arm around Kagome’s shoulders. “Why don’t you have a drink? Take a break from studying for a bit and have your palm read?”

 Shaking him off, Kagome glared at the other man whore in residence. “I can’t take a break, I’m too busy dealing with you asshats. And I already know my future, it’s going to be me out on the street when I fail all my courses!!!”

 “Kagome spreading her legs for money? Well, I guess that’s the only way to get her to…” She leaned down to Inuyasha’s ear and blew into it. He flicked his ears and hands around to get her to stop but always missed her when she did that and she didn’t know if it was on purpose or if he had terrible aim. “Don’t do that! How many times have I told you not to blow in my ears, bitch?!”

 “How many times have I told you to keep the noise down, Bitch?” Kagome cooed in his face.

 She saw something flash in his eyes like a flicker from a flame. It used to scare her but Kagome had seen it enough times now to know it just meant she was really getting to Inuyasha. “Ye two should learn to get along. Ye would fare much better…”

 “Tell me about it.” “I would appreciate it!” They said at the same time.

 Kaede chortled, still holding Inuyasha’s hand. She grabbed Kagome’s as well and held them side by side. “Ye have more in common than ye think…”

 “I’m nothing like him.” “Yeah, if I’d boarded up my cock like she did her vag.” They talked over each other.

 Kagome used her free hand to flick Inuyasha’s ear. “Stop talking about my sex life! You have no clue!!”

 “Fair enough,” he conceded, but she knew better, “can’t talk about something that doesn’t exist, right?”

 “Both of you, quiet!” Kaede yelled suddenly. It made Kagome jump and Inuyasha put a hand on her back until he caught himself and retracted it like it never happened. “The two of ye need to see eye to eye or ye will never be happy.”

 “Agreed. Kagome, can’t you see that I’m only making people happy?”

 “Inuyasha, can’t  you  see that it’s not all about you?!”

 Kaede had Kagome’s hand on top of Inuyasha’s, pushing them together hard with her old and wrinkled hands. “Walk a mile in ye shoes and grow together as a team.”

 Kagome blinked but the image didn’t change. She was laying down but the ceiling didn’t look right. It was the fact that she could see the ceiling that was weird since she should see Sango’s bed above her. They had bunked their beds to make more space in their room. She slowly sat up and found that it was more than the ceiling that was wrong. All of her felt wrong.

 And she was in the wrong bed.

 Miroku was asleep across from her and Kagome had to cup her hands over her mouth to keep her freak out from waking him up. She was in Inuyasha’s bed!!! How the hell did she… the last thing she remembered was Professor Kaede’s weirdness and then… what happened after that?? 

 Oh god… she was drugged! 

 That was the only thing that explained her memory loss AND waking up in Inuyasha’s bed. There was NO WAY she would have slept with him otherwise! Sure, Inuyasha was hot as hell but they had nothing else in common and Kagome needed an emotional connection to be attracted to someone.

 This wasn’t the point, the point was… she needed to get the fuck out of here. She was alone in the bed. Which meant Inuyasha was up already and she hoped to GOD he wasn’t spreading the word around that he had nailed her. 

 Her legs felt weird when she got to them. So did her feet, the carpet not feeling the same as the stuff in her room. But hers was cleaner and she left it at that. Struggling with the door, she looked both ways before barreling out into the empty hall. It was still early so no one else was up yet. She prayed she could get a few more hours of studying in before her exam as she opened and closed her door behind her. 

 Resting against the door, she caught her breath. Her ears were ringing too or something. And the smells around her bugged her to no end. Great, she was getting a migraine. So much for studying, Kagome was going to try and sleep it off. 

 Kagome plopped to her bed only to have it screech back at her. “Fuck, Miroku, I’m not in the mood.”

 Everything stopped; her heart, lungs, eyes, and brain. The body that sat up on her bed was… her. It was her face, her blue eyes, her black hair (a mess), and her mouth that parted in shock as Kagome’s body looked back at her. 

 “What… the fuck….” Kagome’s body shot up and hit her head on the bottom of Sango’s bed. “Awe, fuck!”

 She only knew one person that swore THIS much. “Inuyasha??”

 That wasn’t her voice. That was… Inuyasha’s voice. But it came out of her mouth?! 

 Stumbling, Kagome ended up crawling across the floor to the mirror. When gold eyes met her in the reflection, white hair that was wild around white ears, she felt faint. She tried slapping herself but it was no use. The image in the mirror didn’t change save for the redding of the cheek she’d slapped. Inuyasha’s cheek. 

 She was in Inuyasha’s body.

  Kagome watched her body pace before her. It was so weird; like those ‘out of body’ experiences that she’d read about in her textbooks. The strangest part was that neither of them was in the clothes they were wearing last night. Kagome remembered the over-sized t-shirt and yoga pants from last night and the tight collar shirt and jeans Inuyasha had worn. But she was in sweats and a faded t-shirt now while her body was in….

 Kagome’s body suddenly stopped pacing and she realized to her horror that Inuyasha was staring at her body in the full-length mirror. “Damn, Kags, you’ve got a nice body.”

 Her hands were going up her belly when she shot to her feet and grabbed her hands. Blocking Inuyasha’s view of the mirror as well as stopping him from using her hands to feel herself up, she made Inuyasha’s face glare down at hers. “Don’t do that. Don’t do anything like touch yourself or look at yourself naked while in my body.”

 He huffed, a strange sound coming from her body. “You can touch yourself all you want in my body. And get a good look at... me naked if you want. I know you want to….”

 Pulling Inuyasha’s hands hard off hers, Kagome moved the body she was in away from hers. “That’s not important! What’s important is getting ourselves… right!”

 Inuyasha was twisting Kagome’s hands around and she saw the blood. “Dammit. You have to be careful! My claws are sharp!”

 “Oh my god, I’m sorry!”

 “Yeah? Tell it to yourself. It’ll be your scar.”

 Kagome moved Inuyasha’s body to the dresser and pulled out her first aid. “You’re right. It’ll be my problem and I did it to myself.” Inuyasha was silent while she cleaned and wrapped the slice to the top of her body’s hand. “But I’m sorry because you’re the one feeling the pain right now.. Aren’t you?”

 Inuyasha twisted Kagome’s face in confusion. This was all too weird for her and she had to look away as her brows creased together in the middle. “I feel the pain, yeah. But it’s fine. What are we going to do about this??”

 “Well, first, we should probably figure out how it happened. How did our bodies get switched??”

 “It was Kaede…” A voice mumbled from above. With everything going on, Kagome had forgotten about Sango who had been asleep above their heads. “She did it so go ask her and let me sleep!!”

 Kagome scoffed (which was far more effective when he was in Inuyasha’s body) and grabbed his arm. Something that was also more effective if he was in his body, nearly falling back on the ass he currently inhabited when Kagome didn’t budge in Inuyasha’s body. “Come on, let’s go.”

 She crossed the thick arms of Inuyasha’s across his equally yummy chest.  “You can’t think like that while in his body!!!” she scolded herself and refocused. “Change first.”

 Inuyasha dropped her head to look down at herself and it was just as bad as the mirror as he took in the sight of her body in nothing more than a tight tank top and panties. “You know, I wouldn’t kick you out of the bed if I woke up to this.”

 “God, just stop it and put on some clothes!”

 Racing to her dresser, she pulled out jeans and a sweater that Inuyasha pulled on. Kagome was never going to get used to this, it was too much to wrap her mind around as she watched herself get dressed. The last thing Inuyasha did was grab her strands and pull them around to her shoulder. Kagome was a little more than shocked when he braided her hair perfectly in a few seconds, holding out a hand for a hair tie. With the braid tied off, he gestured to his hair with one of her fingers. 

 “Could you at least do something about that?”

 She brushed Inuyasha’s fingers through his hair, snagging a few times on knots but otherwise finding it super soft. “Wow.”

 “Yeah, I take care of my shit. So don’t fuck it up while the cat is out of the house!”

 She rolled Inuaysha’s eyes and grabbed a brush. A few moments later, they were standing in front of Professor Kaede’s office door. Inuyasha had Kagome’s hands in the pockets of her jeans, standing just as he did when in his body. While Kagome had her backpack on Inuyasha’s shoulder. It felt oddly lighter even though it was filled the same as it always was.

 “What the fucking hell?” Kagome’s mouth spouted.

 Another student passed, giving Kagome a look from the foul mouth Inuyasha was giving her. But Kagome could care less at the moment. She looked with Inuyasha’s eyes at the door to see the note attached to it. “Family emergency. Be back after break??”

 “Great. Juuuuuust great!! What the hell are we supposed to do stuck in the bodies for the entire break?!”

 Inuyasha’s heart dropped into her stomach. “Inuyasha… my exam…”

 “What?” Kagome’s body spun and then flicked her head up, forgetting about his new height. 

 “My exam. I’ve been studying all week for it… it’s important and now I… I can’t even take it?! What… what I’m I gonna do?!”

 Kagome’s body tried to grab Inuyasha’s shoulders but failed from the height difference and held onto biceps instead. “Hey, I can’t be seen crying! Get your shit together Kagome!”

 It was really easy to stop what she had started, sobering quickly. “Whoa, that’s weird. Do you have no feelings at all??”

 “Yeah. I’m an unfeeling monster while you’re an emotional wreck. Who’s the one really suffering here?” Inuyasha fussed while a tear fell down Kagome’s cheek.

 Without a thought, Kagome gently used Inuyasha’s hand to brush the tear off her body’s cheek. “I can’t fail this test Inuyasha. Do you.. Remember anything?”

 She was hoping that their brains were the same. But that didn’t make sense (not that any of it did) since she didn’t have Inuyasha’s memories or anything. If Kagome thought back, it was all her and not Inuyasha inside her head. It was why she remembered her test and not him. 

 “No, I fucking don’t remember a thing.” He sighed ruefully while she worried Inuyasha’s lip. “Give me your notes.” She dug them out and handed them over. “How long until your exam?”

 “Hour and a half.”

 “Good. I need a quiet place.”

 Leading him to the place she liked to sit and read, she watched as Inuyasha read over all her notes. He didn’t take the full time either, shutting the notebook when he was done and getting to his feet… her feet. “What are you doing?”

 “I’m done. Where’s the exam?”

 “Brooke’s hall, room 329. Inuyasha… I don’t think you understand…”

 “Yeah, yeah, I got it, this exam is important. I’ll try and get you at least a C, alright.”

 Kagome’s body was already moving towards the exam spot while she followed behind in his body. Which was interesting since Inuyasha’s body had longer legs than hers; making it a lot easier to keep up and speed pass. Instead of struggling to keep up, she struggled not to leave her body behind. Inuyasha only stopped to ask for her ID before strutting her body into her exam. She watched from the door, slapping a hand to her forehead when Inuyasha asked the person next to him for a pencil. She was sure the strange look they passed her body was due to her never coming unprepared for class.

 The test was passed out and the heart in Inuyasha’s chest raced. Inuyasha didn’t know this, but her entire college career hinged on this test. This one and everything she was ever graded on. The scholarship she got was fat on funds and prestige. If her grades slipped past a 3.8 GPA, Kagome would be stripped of her funds and have no means for her education.

 It hadn’t been more than thirty minutes since the test landed in front of her body when Inuyasha folded up his test, passed the borrowed pencil back with a smile, and handed in the test. He continued to strut Kagome’s body around and past her as she waited. She was hoping he would spill but he said nothing. “Well?”

 “Like I said, at least a C.”

 “Inuyasha!!”

 “Relax. I got you an A.”

 “An A. You can’t possibly know that! This isn’t funny Inuyasha!!”

 He was chuckling. Making her body make an ugly sound especially from a woman. “It’s a little funny. I mean, how long did you study for this only to have me take it for you?”

 “Inuyasha!” She cried, pushing large fists that she wasn’t used to into the corners of her eyes.

 “Hey! I said no crying in my body!!!”

 “Kagome?”

 She turned at her name, instantly forgetting and even calling out, “Hojo?” Before Inuyasha used her body to slap a hand to Inuyasha’s mouth. But it was too late; Hojo was eyeing them both curiously. 

 “Do I know you?” Hojo asked Inuyasha’s body. 

 Kagome pulled back from the hand on her mouth and thrusted a hand to the back of her head; awkward and embarrassed. Neither emotion was ever displayed by the real Inuyasha that she’d ever seen. “No. I mean yes. Sort of?”

 “I’ve told her, I mean him, a lot about you, Hoji.”

 “Hojo,” she tried as a cough. 

 Inuyasha coughed too and hoped to cover up his mistake. “I mean Hojo.”

 “Are you sick, Kagome? You don’t seem like yourself?”

 Hojo was still looking them both over and Kagome didn’t get it. She also didn’t get the weird smell entering Inuyasha’s nose. It was putrid like old sweat. Was that how Inuyasha’s nose worked? He could smell things like sweat? Kagome watched as her body looked over at her and winked, then moved closer to Hojo.

 “I’m fine, thank you for asking.” She was happy with that response but not with how close Inuyasha was getting her body to Hojo, who just stood there and watched her body too intensely. “So… what are you up to?”

 “Um… I’m just… I was heading to an exam and wanted to stop by to see how you did?” That was Hojo for you, so sweet and caring. “I know you were nervous about this one. How did you do? You finished up early; is that good?”

 Inuyasha pushed a fake laugh out of her mouth and Kagome stared at him hard. “Oh, it was no big deal in the end. My friend Kag… I mean Inuyasha helped me out a lot.”

 “Oh? You’re Inuyasha?” Crap, she had spoken to Hojo often about Inuyasha and how he was the bain of her existence. Hojo leaned into her body’s ear but she could hear every word with Inuyasha’s ears. “I thought you said he was a selfish asshole? And you never mentioned he was a…  hanyou .”

 There was disgust in Hojo’s tone. That made both Kagome’s angry but the one in Inuyasha’s body was the one to react. “You have a problem with Hanyous?” She asked as darkly as she could while stepping up to Hojo. 

 “Oh uh... Nnnno, NO! I don’t have a problem…”

 Even if she hadn’t heard him a second ago, Kagome knew he was lying. His heart was racing and his scent had increased. He was sweating a lot right now. “Liar. You don’t like Hanyous? What did they ever do to you, huh? Inuya… I mean Kagome is half Miko, do you find her disgusting too?”

 “That’s different! She can control her powers. And she doesn’t…”

 “She doesn’t what?!” She screamed, hearing Inuyasha’s voice instead of her own.

 “She doesn’t look like a half-breed.”

 Hojo’s eyes flicked up to Inuyasha’s ears on top of Kagome’s head. And she saw red. “Stay away from Kagome.” She pointed a clawed finger in Hojo’s face for emphasis.

 He dared to look around her to her body behind. Kagome turned to her body and grabbed her arm to pull them away. Inuyasha was looking smug but it quickly turned to concern, putting a hand on her back and pushing her the rest of the way out of the building until they were alone in the cold afternoon air. The sun was hazy behind thin clouds and a breeze made it even colder but she still felt hot!

 “Kagome, breathe.”

 Buckled over, she had her big clawed hands on her knees; taking big gulps of air and still seeing red. “That… that jerk….”

 “I know, I know but you need to calm down.”

 She looked up to find her face frowning down at her, Inuyasha keeping a hand on his body’s back to try and calm her down. “I didn’t know he was like that!”

 “You’d be surprised… a lot of people are.”

 “I’m not!”

 Kagome’s lips twisted into a smile. “I noticed.”

 It took a while but she was finally starting to calm down and feel in control again. Standing back up at full, she looked down at her body in wonder. “You don’t feel anything except anger? What’s up with that?”

 He shrugged. “That’s the demon. Makes it hard to feel much of anything save for primal instincts. Like anger and lust.”

 “Oh, I see,” Kagome’s head whipped up to look back at her face, “so you’re blaming the demon for actions? That’s lame, Inuyasha.”

 A grimace graced her face as Inuyasha disapproved of her words fully. “Yeah? Everyone else blames 

the demon in me so why can’t I?”

 “Because they’re stupid. And you’re not.” They were silent for a few minutes after that until she had to change the subject. “Hey, do we all smell that bad?”

 Suddenly, Inuyasha had to get away from her; taking off in a fast walk away with her body. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 She could hear it. In his voice and his heart. Her voice and heart. He was lying. “You’re lying! I can hear it!!”

 Inuyasha jumped on her with Kagome’s body; her hand pressed as best as he could get it to his mouth. “Keep that shit to yourself!”

 After a second and some awkwardness, he let her go. “Why?”

 “I don’t want  anyone  knowing that.”

 “Okay… but why?”

 Inuyasha was moving again and she followed without question. “You think people knowing you’re a Hanyou is bad? What if they knew you could hear and smell their lies? Smell what they did an hour ago? Hear their conversations through a wall? Imagine if there were no secrets between you and others; how many people would want to be around you then?”

 She was silent. Because she got it. They were halfway back to the dorm when she spoke again; needing to ask before they were silenced by ‘others’ being around. “Wait… if your nose and ears are this strong, why do you like loud parties?” Inuyasha glanced back, giving her a look with her face. “You don’t like them… you hate them?? Why the heck do you have them then?!”

 They stopped and it was strange towering over her own body but she was pissed. Inuyasha wouldn’t look up at her though, staring off in the distance with her hands in her pockets. “Miroku is the one that wants them and I go along with it. He doesn’t know about my nose and ears and I want to keep it that way.”

 “Then tell him you don’t want to party! What’s the big deal?!”

 “He’s my first friend…”

 “Sango’s my first college friend too but if she wanted…”

 “Not my first college friend.  First friend ever .” Inuyasha used her toe to kick at that ground and keep his attention there instead. “He’s the first person to accept and like me for who I am. I’d do anything for him. Besides, the parties help me blend in, meet people, and have a good time.”

 “You can have a good time with less noise and destruction.” Now Inuyasha looked up at her with a roll of her eyes. “Next time you want quiet comfortable fun, you can come to my room and have it with me.”

 He fought the smile off his face but since it was Kagome’s face, he lost. “That sounds shitastic.”

 She shrugged his big shoulders. “Whatever.” They were moving again and she couldn’t help but sniff the air. “Oh man, you need to shower. You got Hojo’s nervous sweat on you.” She sniffed herself. “Ick. Me too.”

 “You sure know how to pick them, Kags.”

 “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 “Nothing,” lie and she was pretty sure she got what he was trying to say, “we’re lucky we don’t reek of Hoji’s urine too.”

 “He deserved it.” Kagome wanted to change the subject; she was starting to feel hot again. “How are we going to do this?”

 “Do what?”

 Out of habit, Inuyasha opened the door to their building’s lobby. Instead of pointing it out, she rushed through while a few people stopped and stared; laughing as they walked away. “Shower?”

 Kagome’s body huffed. “I may not be used to it, but I’m pretty sure I can clean your body, Kagome.”

 Even if she didn’t have Inuyasha’s hearing, she would know that leaving him alone with her body was a bad idea. “Oh no. No, no, no way! I’m not letting you do whatever you please to my body!!”

 In the elevator alone, she felt no worry of being overheard. Inuyasha leaned her body against the back wall of the small box. He looked just like himself with his body language. “You’d like it, trust me.”

 “I don’t!”

 “Guess we can take a shower together?”

 The elevator dinged and her long legs took her off and away from Inuyasha quicker than she was used to. “We can’t do that! It’s against the rules!”

 “People do it all the time.” She glared back at him and he flustered for some reason. “Miroku told me, nothing more!”

 Like she believed that. But he didn’t sound like he was lying. It made her feel a bit better but she still didn’t like the idea. But what other choice did they have? The floor was mostly empty at this point anyway. They went back to Kagome’s room first, running into Sango who was almost out the door; passing the two of them with her suitcase in hand.

 “Sango? Where are you going?!” Her body asked in a panic.

 Sango looked between them but quickly settled on Kagome’s face. “I have plane tickets and a little brother that would be pissed if I didn’t come home as promised. Sorry.”

 She got it but it still sucked. “Do you have anything that could help us?”

 Staring at her blankly, Sango looked at her wearing Inuyasha’s face for a moment before shaking herself free with a small laugh. “Sorry. That’s just so weird. Cause you both still talk like yourselves but with the other’s voice and body.”

 “Sango?”

 “Kaede said, ‘walk a mile in each other’s shoes and appreciate each other’ or something like that.”

 “We already walked a mile and more!” Inuyasha roared with Kagome’s voice.

 Sango shrugged. “Guess you still haven’t learned your lesson then?”

 She left and they flopped, helpless, in her room. After some silent pouting, Kagome got up and went to her dresser; pulling out clothes for her body to put on. Inuyasha left only to return with clothes for her to put on when she was done. 

 They double-checked the bathroom and when it was empty, they started to strip. Kagome stopped Inuyasha with a growl. “No peeking!”

 He rolled her eyes and pulled off all her clothes. She thought it would be awkward to take a shower with a man she barely knew. But she was wrong. It was weirder than anything she’d ever experienced, watching her own body wash itself. 

 She was in a daze when Inuyasha thrusted a bottle in her direction. “Use that on my hair please.”

 “Yeah… sure…”

 “Hey,” he knocked a gentle fist to her head, “what are you thinking about?”

 “I was just…” she froze, Inuyasha picking up her loofa and putting body wash on it, “whoa, I should do that.”

 She was okay with him washing her hair but rubbing all over her body? It was too… weird! 

 “Calm down, Kagome. I’ll be gentle.” She ripped the loofa from her own hand and started on her front. “I don’t think this is achieving what you think it is. Cause now, I’m still touching your body.”

 “Yes. But you can’t feel it!”

 “No, you’re right. I can just feel it on your body instead of my hand.” She washed her thighs and decided then and there she would just have to wash her nether regions when she was back in her body again. “I wonder if we’ll remember what our bodies did when we’re back in them?”

 “What do you mean?!” She shrieked a little too loudly.

 “I mean,” she stood up straight and looked down at her face, “will I remember what it feels like to wash your body when I’m back in mine?”

 She forced her body to turn around and started washing her back. “Stop it. Stop talking like that. It’s gross.”

 “Why is it gross?!” He said with some serious anger behind it.

 “Because it’s my voice and face saying it! It’s like I’m hitting on myself or something!”

 The tension in Kagome’s body’s shoulders disappeared instantly with her words. “Oh... I see.”

 Inuyasha didn’t refute her claim that he was hitting on her but she ignored it and focused on Inuyasha’s hair. There was a lot of it and it was thick. Not much different from her own hair but she also had his ears to worry about. “How do I wash these?”

 She was pointing to the triangles on top of her head and Inuyasha gestured for her to crouch down. “Here. Let me.”

 It felt pretty good; Inuyasha was rubbing his ears gently. She could tell from this that his ears were really sensitive and she didn’t mean just from sounds. The massage Inuyasha was giving them was nearly putting her to sleep.

 Clean and soggy, they sat in Inuyasha’s room and Kagome took in all the smells it held. There were a lot but mostly faint. She mostly smelled Inuyasha, knowing it was him from her own personal memory of his scent. 

 “So you never answered my question.”

 Inuyasha looked up from whatever he was doing on his phone while she spun in his desk’s chair.

 “Do I smell that bad too?”

 A grin twisted on Kagome’s face. “Smell yourself now and find out.”

 She had already. But they’d just showered now. “I smell good now.”

 “As you always do.”

 “I do?”

 He nodded and she felt a small flush on her cheeks for some reason. But she shook it away with other thoughts. “You also never told me how you did on my exam?”

 “Yes, I did. You got an A.”

 “You  can’t know that! You spent an hour studying!” She dropped Inuyasha’s head to the back of the chair and watched the ceiling spin. “I studied all semester for that class.”

 “Your notes showed that. I wouldn’t have done so well if you weren’t so… dedicated.”

 Inuyasha had revealed a lot about himself to her today. He didn’t have a choice in the matter but she still felt it was only fair to tell him some things too. A few secrets. “I’m only able to afford this school because of a scholarship that requires me to keep a 3.8 GPA. If it drops below that, I’m out on my ass.”

 “Your ass is too nice to be tossed on.” She looked up to glare at him but he was too busy grinning to be phased. “You have nothing to worry about, Kagome. I have a photographic memory.”

 Kagome nearly fell out of the chair; she sat up so fast. “You what?!”

 “How do you think I got into this college? And how I stayed in it?”

 “Sports scholarship?” Inuyasha frowned with Kagome’s face and she giggled. “I hadn’t thought about it really. I just thought you took easy courses or something? That’s really cool! I wish I had that!!”

 “No you don’t,” he groaned, “because once you see something, you can never forget it.”

 “There are some things, some of us, never want to forget.” She said nothing more. A secret she wasn’t ready to reveal. 

 “Looks like we’re stuck in these bodies for the night,” Inuyasha added, interrupting the silence. “You wanna sleep here or in your bed?”

 “Huh?”

 “You didn’t trust me alone in your body for a shower. I figured you wouldn’t trust me alone in it all night long?” He smirked. “And it’s been a stressful day on your body. I could use a release and some relaxation. Or rather, you could. I think I’ll just see what fingering feels like…”

 “Okay! Okay, you’re right! And don’t you dare masturbate my body!!!”

 It felt weird, sleeping in a small bed with her body. Mostly because she felt the urge to snuggle but that was a therapy session she could do without later in life.

  Without a clue of what else to do, Kagome was packing. She was expected at home today and with waking up, still in Inuyasha’s body, she wasn’t sure what to do. 

 Bag on her bed that was half-filled with her clothes (that wouldn’t fit Inuyasha’s body so she just felt stupid) Kagome’s body rushed into the room with Inuyasha’s phone in his hand. “Answer this.”

 She glanced at the screen and saw the name ‘Kikyo’ on it. “Kikyo? You know her?”

 “Just answer the damn phone already!”

 Doing as told, she sighed and accepted the call. “Hello, Kikyo.”

 Inuyasha glared at her but she just glared back and silently berated his anger with a ‘what?!’. “Hey, Inuyasha. I was hoping to catch you before you left for the break?”

 “Oh uh... Yeah, you caught me. What’s up?”

 Inuyasha rolled her eyes and Kagome decided to ignore him. “I was thinking it would be nice to get lunch? Are you free today?”

 Pressing a hand over the receiver, Kagome whispered to Inuyasha. “She wants to get lunch today.” He nodded while she shook her head ‘no’. “I have to go home!” Inuyasha pointed harshly at the phone. “Uh.. oh… sorry. I’m just checking my schedule.” She pressed her hand to the phone again. “I  have  to go home! We have to go together!”

 He took the phone from her and held it away from them, getting in her face. Which would have been more effective if he was in his body instead of hers. “I helped you with your exam. Help me with this.” He softened quickly. “Please, Kags.”

 She rolled her eyes and took the phone back. “Kikyo? Yeah, I can do it today. How about we meet somewhere?”

 “There’s this nice sushi place on campus?”

 Kagome was shaking Inuyasha’s head but remembered Kikyo couldn’t see her. “Ah.. no, I don’t like sushi.” She remembered very clearly how Inuyasha had reacted to sushi back when they all ate together at the beginning of the year. It had not gone well at all. Kagome blamed that night on why she and Inuyasha started being frenemies. “How about the ramen place on fifth?”

 Inuyasha was staring at her with Kagome’s blue eyes. Was she always that intimidating? No, Inuyasha had to be doing something different with her eyes or something. The way he had them locked on her wasn’t helping; turning from him to finish the phone call. “Sounds good,” even through the phone, it didn’t sound like Kikyo was happy, “see you in an hour.”

 She handed back the phone but Inuyasha grabbed her hand with it and held her still. “If you don’t screw this up, I’ll go and make nice with your family. But if you fuck things up with Kikyo, I’ll get a tattoo on your forehead.”

 Careful with his claws this time, Kagome got Inuyasha’s hand back from the death hold he had on it. “Okay, I get it. I’ll make you look really good, I promise. Geez, you really like Kikyo, huh?”

 It was funny how Inuyasha did the same things while in her body. Like crossing his arms over his chest when he wanted to protect himself. She could hear his heart and breath now though and it was picking up a little like he was uncomfortable or scared. “She’s the only person to show me interest like this so, yeah I like her I guess.”

 “Wow, calm down.” She said sarcastically. “I don’t want my body to stink again.”

 She laughed while Inuyasha bristled. “I’m not good with emotions and your body is a cluster fuck. I’ve never thought about my feelings like this before. No one has ever asked me either so cut me some fucking slack.”

 Kagome was still laughing, the sound strange because it wasn’t hers and she wasn’t used to hearing Inuyasha’s laugh. “Fine. But… a lunch?”

 “What’s wrong with that? She only had time for lunch but she wanted to see me!”

 “If you say so…”

 “You know what, I don’t trust you. You’re going to fuck this up. I’m coming with you.”

 Inuyasha was already starting to dress her body. “What? You can’t bring another girl on a date!”

 “Sure I can! It’ll make her jealous which will work in my favor! Kikyo probably thinks no one else wants me and she has no competition.”

 She placed a hand on her body’s shoulder but Inuyasha ignored her. “Do you hear yourself?”

 Inuyasha shrugged her off. “No, I hear you. Go get dressed!”

 She left him to do as told, not sure of this meeting at all.

  “Whoa.” 

 They stopped just inside the door of the restaurant and Inuyasha twisted Kagome’s head back to look at his. “What?”

 “I see why you like this place. It smells amazing!”

 He smirked but it dropped quickly, grabbing and pulling her the rest of the way inside. They quickly spotted Kikyo; who stood and waved him down, only to frown at the sight of Kagome with him. She had to put on her game face. No part of her liked this and Kagome told herself it was because of Inuyasha’s words about not being liked by others. The gnawing in her chest was about his obvious lack of self-confidence and settling for Kikyo. Nothing else. 

 “Hey, babe.” Kikyo greeted and Kagome took a beat to realize she was talking to her/Inuyasha. 

 “Hey… honey…” She passed a glance at Inuyasha who glared back at her for her slip up. “I mean… hello.” Inuyasha slid her body into the booth Kikyo picked, sitting between them which made Kikyo frown even more. “Oh uh… this is my neighbor, Kagome. She and I are… friends and she…. Wanted to meet you?”

 They really should have discussed a plan of some sort. She was not prepared for this. 

 Kikyo didn’t miss a beat, turning to Kagome with a plastic smile. Could Inuyasha see how fake it was or was that the demon sight she currently had? “Hello, Higurashi-san. We have a few classes together, don’t we?”

 They did? She didn’t remember Kikyo in any of her classes and the look on Kagome’s face told her Inuyasha was shocked. Then mad, like she should have mentioned it or something. Can’t mention what you don’t remember. “Oh, yeah, we did, didn’t we?”

 “Defense against the Darkness 111 and we were at that offense vs defense seminar last month. Your reiki is very impressive.”

 “Uuuuhhhh thanks.”

 She needed to redirect the conversation because Inuyasha knew nothing about Miko practices. “So, Kikyo, how were your exams? I’m sure you did well.”

 Kikyo looked shocked she asked. Maybe Inuyasha wasn’t this polite? He wasn’t polite to her for sure. “Yes, thank you. How about you?”

 “Ah, you know me.”

 Did she? Kikyo just kind of nodded and turned her attention back to Kagome. “Say how did you create that barrier? No one else could manage it and I must admit I still can’t.”

 Kikyo laughed and it made things more uncomfortable. Kagome’s eyes danced to Inuyasha but what could she do to help in this? “I uh… I practice and study a lot. It’s all I do actually.”

 “Oh? That sounds rough!” Kikyo said but the sympathy in it was faked.

 “Yeah. I don’t party or have fun. I’m pretty pathetic actually.” Inuyasha laughed with her body and Kikyo laughed with her.

 “Aren’t you being a little hard on yourself?” Kagome asked, grinding Inuyasha’s fangs together. 

 Kagome’s shoulder’s shrugged. “Am I? This is the first date I’ve been on all year and it’s not even mine!”

 They both laughed while she seethed. Inuyasha was right but she didn’t like that he knew that. How did he know that, anyway? Something to ask later, trying again to direct the conversation back to Inuyasha and Kikyo. “So… I was surprised you called. Are you not heading out of town for the break?”

 “I am. I just wanted to see you one more time before I left.”

 Kikyo placed a hand on his and rubbed the back of it. But there was something about her tone and heartbeat that bothered her. If it were her, Kagome’s heart would be skipping from touching the guy she liked. It skipped whenever Inuyasha touched her and she didn’t even like him! But Kikyo was calm.

 Kagome’s foot kicked hers under the table and she woke up. “Oh, uh, yeah I wanted to see you too. Thanks for calling and asking me out.”

 “Of course. Since you never call me.”

 “I’ll.. uh… fix that. I promise.”

 The waitress appeared. Kikyo ordered a salad while she ordered ramen. Inuyasha did too. They ate with gentle conversation and she did her best to flirt with Kikyo. Inuyasha passed her the other half of his bowl when he was full and she ate it without issue. They had already discovered (last night) that their appetites changed for the body they were in.

 Now lunch was over but there was a bigger issue. Kagome had been holding it in all morning but now she was about to pop and couldn’t any longer. Getting to Inuyasha’s feet suddenly, she grabbed onto Kagome as she pulled out of the booth. “I need a minute with Kagome. Be right back.”

 Inuyasha fought against her hold as soon as they were out of sight. “What the fuck?! This looks really bad, Kagome!!”

 “I know, I’m sorry but I have to…” she stopped and folded into Kagome’s ear, “I have to pee.”

 “So?”

 “I’ve never… I don’t know how to do it with your… equipment.”

 He chuckled and pushed Inuyasha’s body back. “It’s the same as yours, you just have to stand and aim.”

 “Oh god. I have to touch it?!”

 Inuyasha had ‘washed himself’ for her yesterday. And that had been all sorts of confusing. This was going to be worse. “Just don’t let the size freak you out.”

 That was all he gave her before sauntering back to their table. She took two deep breaths and pushed into the men’s room. Regardless, she couldn’t hold it any longer. Which made it easier in the end, staring at Inuyasha’s member in his hands and not focusing on anything else. She had thought he was just being a jerk but… he was kinda right about his size. Guess that was why it felt so heavy? And she thought it was just because she had something swinging between her legs for the first time? Kagome would never know; this was the only body other than hers she would ever inhabit. Hopefully.

 The heightened senses didn’t help either (the scent of the small room making her feel sick) and she was quick to get out of there.

 She didn’t know if leaving ‘Kagome’ alone with Kikyo for long was a good idea so she was as fast as she could move about it all. She focused on the table, finding she could focus her hearing too; which was cool. Until she heard the conversation being had in her absence. 

 “You already have strong Miko powers. You don’t need Inuyasha for your final. I do.”

 Kikyo was talking about finals? They all had a senior project due before graduation; a show of strength mixed with comprehension and skill. Kagome hadn’t come up with anything yet but Kikyo’s involved Inuyasha? She didn’t understand how and by the look Inuyasha had on ‘Kagome’s’ face, he didn’t know about it beforehand.

 He was pushing her body out of the booth in a hurry when he caught sight of her. Knocking into her as she passed, Inuyasha left her behind to figure out what the hell to do next. So she stomped up to the table and Kikyo gave her a look of pure innocence. “I think your friend is jealous of us.”

 “H… she is? We’re just friends.”

 “KA...INUYASHA LET’S GO!”

 Her voice sounded pained and no part of her wanted to argue. So she dug into the wallet Inuyasha made her put in his back pocket; throwing some money on the table. “I’ll… uh call you.”

 Inuyasha had ‘Kagome’s’ hands in her pockets and a pissed look on her face. “You got tickets to your house or something? Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  Inuyasha hadn’t said a word since they left the restaurant. She sat across from her body as it silently rocked on the train. It was another hour until they reached home and a thirty-minute drive to her house. So there really wasn’t a lot of time. 

 “So…. I should probably go over who is who. They’ll expect you to know that.”

 “Why not just tell them the truth? Would save us a lot of grief.” He muttered to the window. 

 “NO!” Kagome’s head slowly turned from her outburst, Inuyasha had her eyes squinted in disapproval of her tone, volume, or general displeasure with her for some reason. It was hard to tell. “They can’t know. They can’t know any of this.”

 “Why the hell not,” he growled and this time, it was pretty scary. 

 “Because… if they knew my well being was at risk? My education? My body?! Add in that a faculty member did this to us and they will either force me to come back home or guilt me into it.”

 “Your family cares that much?”

 Confused, she tilted Inuyasha’s head at him. “Yeah. Yours doesn’t?” He said nothing, going back to his window and she couldn’t take it anymore. “Yash… what happened? Did Kikyo say something to you? I heard her talking about her senior project…”

 “Did you know?” She really didn’t have a clue and shook her head to show that. “Fuck I miss my body. Then I’d know if you were lying right now.”

 Thinking it over, she took her body’s hand and placed it on Inuyasha’s body’s wrist. “Here. Ask me anything.”

 The face he wore, even though it was her face she still didn’t know what it meant. Kagome didn’t think she had ever made that face but Inuyasha still squeezed her body’s fingers around his body’s wrist to feel her pulse. “What is your senior project on?”

 “Mine? I haven’t picked anything yet. Buuut this body switch thing would definitely work for it!” 

 She giggled (sounding super weird from Inuyasha’s body) and he smiled -briefly. “Did you know there’s a way to turn a half-demon into either a full human or demon?”

 Nodding, she still wore a frown on the subject. “There are theories but no one has actually done it.”

 “Why not?”

 She sighed. “Because it’s dangerous. Half-demons are rare so it’s hard to find willing subjects.”

 “What if I was willing?” She blinked in her body’s serious face for a few seconds, listening to the heart beating in her body’s chest. “Would you try it on me?”

 Kagome had to force herself to remain still so Inuyasha could feel her pulse. When she really wanted to rip free and smack him. “Are you nuts?! Why would you want to change who you are?!”

 “You’ve been in my body for less than twenty-four hours. You have no clue what it’s like being me!”

 “That may be true but you’re perfect the way you are!”

 “Perfect?!” He spat back. “I’m the very definition of imperfect! Don’t pretend you know what it’s like to be me!”

 “Don’t I?” Inuyasha still held the wrist between them while they stared into each other’s eyes. “You pretend the loud music and crowds don’t bother you all so you can make your best friend happy! You hide your ability to hear and smell falsehoods so no one feels uncomfortable around you. And you work so hard to control yourself so that you never hurt anyone; you’re a Saint Inuyasha. Yet, there are still people like Hojo that look down on you. It makes me sick.”

 Slowly, Inuyasha let go of his body’s wrist and sat back. She did the same; eyes still glued to one another. “And people like Kikyo. She wanted to use me for her senior project and turn me into a full human.”

 She was so disgusted that she felt sick. And hot. “That stupid bitch.”

 “Careful. I’m starting to rub off on you.” Kagome still felt warm all over and it was only getting worse. “Seriously though, you need to calm down.” She was struggling, imagining Kikyo asking Inuyasha to become human over and over. “Kagome…. breath.” Hands were on her knees and she took a deep breath. “Think about something else. Tell me about your family. Everything I need to know to be you.”

 “My mother…” she said releasing the breath she took and held, “stays home and helps my grandfather with the family shrine.”

 “Wait… you live in a shrine?”

 “Inuyasha now is not the time to push me.”

 “I just… I didn’t know that about you, that’s all. Must have been… tough.”

 “People made jokes and assumptions but I got over it.” She opened her eyes for the first time in several minutes. Her body was hunched over with her hands on Inuyasha’s body’s knees. It was oddly comforting to look into her own blue eyes. “My dad passed away when I was four.”

 “I’m sorry.”

 He was sincere. Maybe he had a close family member die too because she could see it in her eyes that he was currently using. All she could give him in return was a nod of understanding. “My younger brother Souta and his wife will be there.”

 “Ooooh, younger brother that’s already married? That’s rough.”

 “What are you talking about?”

 “He’s married while you're in school?” He said with a strange look on his face. 

 “He’s where he wants to be in life and so am I.”

 “Okay, but I’ll be prepared for some sibling rivalry.”

 She shook it off and kept going. “He has a little girl, Mei. She’s only seven months though. I hope you like kids because she’ll be all over me… I mean you as soon as we get there.”

 “Great.”

 “Um… I’m not really sure what else will come up. So I don’t know how to prepare you. What should we say about us?”

 Inuyasha sat back, taking Kagome’s hands off Inuyasha’s knees. “Just say we’re dating.”

 “Oh no.”

 “Would that be a problem for them? You dating a Hanyou?”

 Inuyasha was looking out the window again while she was trying not to get angry. “It’s not that. I’ve just… never brought someone home before. I’m not sure how they’ll take it. Especially when I have to tell them later that it was all a lie or that we broke up.”

 He was silent, Kagome’s blue eyes searching her borrowed face and making her feel weird all over again. “Worry about that later. For now, saying we’re dating makes it easier. If someone says something I don’t know about you can jump in and pretend I told you. You can cover me.”

 It all made such good sense that she felt no fear or worry when they arrived. Inuyasha’s heart was pounding though. It skipped every time someone pulled him in for a hug. She was sure it was weird hugging strangers like family but it didn’t seem like something that would be terrifying. Yet that would be how she described Inuyasha’s reaction. 

 He was scared. 

 It got worse when baby Mei was handed his way. She cooed in his arms for about four seconds then suddenly reached for her. Mei was reaching out to her like normal only she looked nothing like herself. Kagome’s body sat beside her on the couch while she sat inside Inuyasha’s. 

 He didn’t fight her, letting the seven-month-old come to her; a relative stranger was now holding her niece but she was never more excited. Her tiny heart beat wildly as she stretched up on her toes and grabbed Inuyasha’s body’s ears. 

 “So,” Souta sat down next to her body and wrapped a brotherly arm around her shoulders, “are you two dating or something?”

 “Uh yeah.” “Something like that.” They said on top of each other. 

 “Good. I never liked that Koga guy. What happened to him? You kept talking him up; saying you wanted us to meet him?” 

 This was something she really should have told Inuyasha about on the train but she had hoped it wouldn’t come up. “He uh,” Souta looked to her expectantly, “he isn’t a problem anymore.”

 “Good. Thank you, Inuyasha-san.”

 Their mother called for Souta from the kitchen and he rose quickly, leaving them alone with Mei (who was pulling on an ear now). “Why aren’t you being called to the kitchen right now?”

 She focused on getting the baby to not pull so hard while Inuyasha moved her body a little close to his. “Normally, she would but I guess with you here I’m on baby duty.”

 A quick beat of silence and the elephant in the room trumpeted. “So… who’s Koga?”

 “Uh… no one.” She glanced his way, her body tilted away so Inuyasha could look at her with disbelief. “I met him last year. We dated a little. But… then I found out he was dating five other girls at the same time. He even tried to use the fact that he’s a wolf demon as an excuse; saying he was the leader of the pack and had responsibilities….”

 “That’s true actually. You’re lucky he even dated out of his pack at all.” Inuyasha added but his voice didn’t sound like he was as okay with it as he would like to be.

 “I wouldn’t say I was lucky at all.”

 “Did you… really like him?”

 There was something to Inuyasha’s tone; she wondered if she would have heard it if she was in her body. Kagome forced herself not to listen to more; his heart and breath or even smell him as she shook the sound of his… her voice out of her borrowed head. “I… did… I think. It was nice to have someone. But I refuse to be used by anyone.”

 “AH, so cheating is a deal-breaker for you? Good to know.”

 She chuckled, Mei bouncing on her wide chest as Inuyasha’s body laughed. “Isn’t everyone?”

 “You’d be surprised.”

 He didn’t say more and she didn’t press. They were called for dinner and Mei didn’t release Inuyasha’s body until her mother held out her hands for the child. She had missed her family and even though it was like she was an outsider in her own family, Kagome still didn’t feel left out. Not that she ever expected her family to make anyone feel like that, but she expected to feel something like that. Being in someone else’s body was weird in many ways and she missed her life all the more being around her family. 

 Dinner was delicious as expected and the conversation was pretty light and happy. Until…. 

 “So Inuyasha, are you and Kagome going to visit your family during the break too?” Her mother asked, looking right at her.

 “Uh…”

 “Inuyasha doesn't have any family.” Kagome’s body answered for her.

 The room got quiet as all eyes landed on her; on Inuyasha. “Really?” Souta asked and she nodded.

 They didn’t press, of course, but now she was regretting not getting to know Inuyasha before they came here like she had forced him to get to know her. Why hadn't she even asked? It was weird that he agreed to come here so easily, that he was hanging around campus during the break wasn’t it? Miroku had left as soon as break started (she wasn’t even sure Miroku knew their bodies were switched) and yet, Inuyasha was around like it was any other day. But she never asked.

 Normally, she could say it was none of her business but this time; she couldn’t get away with such an excuse, could she?

  Her mom thought it was funny; putting her in the same room as her body. Inuyasha didn’t put up the appropriate amount of fuss for Kagome to be satisfied either, glaring as her body walked around her room and explored. “You could have demanded I sleep in the guest room or something.”

 “Why? You want to keep ‘watch’ on me in your body, don’t you?”

 That was true. Although, she was starting to care less and less about that. “It sends the wrong message if you just willingly sleep in here with me!”

 “Like what?” Inuyasha turned and the smile on Kagome’s lips told her, she wasn’t going to like what he said. “That the two of us are deeply in love and have slept together so many times now that doing it at your house is no big deal?”

 Nailed that on the head. “Yeah!”

 “I’ll make a fuzz at breakfast tomorrow. Happy?” He flopped to her bed, a twin, and sat back on her hands. “You have a nice family, Kags. And a happy life.”

 She sat next to him and watched his face. “And you? What about your family? I should have asked before we came here, sorry. I hope I’m not keeping you from them…”

 “You don’t need to worry. It’s like I told your family. I have no one.” That wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the truth either, she could hear and smell it no matter how hard she tried not to. And he knew that too, clearing ‘Kagome’s’ throat and shifting on the bed. “Geez, this is worse than some rom-com with a fake dating plot.” When she eyed him curiously, he caved quickly. “My mom made me watch them with her when I was a kid. She… died. When I was eight.”

 There was no thinking, she just grabbed him; wrapping long arms around a small body was so strange but she shoved that away for now and squeezed him tight. “Kagome… can’t breathe…”

 “Oh sorry,” she loosened but didn’t let go, “I’m so sorry.”

 ‘Kagome’ rubbed ‘Inuyasha’s’ arm and tried to get her to let go. “It’s fine. Would you quit turning me into a pansy? First, it’s crying and now it’s hugging?”

 “Being weak from time to time doesn’t make you a pansy.”

 “Yeah… well… I still don’t like it…” He pushed on her a bit but she didn’t move far. Because her body was starting to emit that strange smell again. “Seriously though, how do you live like this?”

 “Live like what?”

 “This… frustrated?!”

 She fell back to look at herself and Inuyasha pointed to her body. It took her a few seconds but she understood in time. Kagome felt hot under the collar and it had nothing to do with the angry demon in her body. “Oh god.”

 ‘Kagome’ flopped back to the bed completely, laying next to her while she tried not to melt from her embarrassment. “I wish you would at least let me ‘rub one’ out or something. This is just ridiculous. Is it like this all the time?”

 “I’m NOT going to tell you that!!!”

 “I would lose my mind if I was this turned on all the time. This is more than needing to masturbate, you need to get laid!”

 Forgetting her new strength, she slapped ‘Kagome’s’ thigh hard and Inuyasha shot up in pain. “It’s not like this all the time! You’re doing something weird to my body!!”

 He was rubbing the pain out of ‘Kagome’s’ leg and growling. “It’s not my fault….” Inuyasha paused and then looked over at her. She looked anywhere else. “Or is it?”

 “Wh… what are you talking about?”

 Inuyasha made ‘Kagome’s’ face smirk and he turned into her to stare her down. “You smell that?” She shrugged, hoping to play whatever he said next off. “You think I don’t know? That’s my body you’re in; I know you smell your body getting turned on. And I know exactly what it smells like.”

 “Are you trying to tell me that every girl you’ve ever turned on smells the same?” She said with a huff, trying to change the subject to something that would make her mad so she could stop the pounding her blood was doing.

 “No. I’m saying I’ve smelt you, Kagome’s, arousal before. A few times actually.”

 Her jaw dropped and she glared over at her body’s smirking face. “You have NOT!!”

 Inuyasha chuckled with her body and Kagome’s heart started to skip around. “I don’t need my senses; I know you’re lying. There’s no point really. I’ve turned you on before a few times. Took me a while to understand. But, Kagome, you smell... Really fucking sweet when you’re horny.” 

 She was doing everything she could to not look at her body while they talked about this. It was all too weird. How could Inuyasha talk like this to his own body? She was busy having her brain in a spin and stop the blood that was moving south when air hit one of the dog ears on her head. It sent a shock wave through her body so strong, she almost slipped off the bed and to the floor.

 “Wwwwhhat the hell?!” She grabbed the ear too late, her body was already sitting back down.

 To make matters worse, Inuyasha’s penis was now pressing against the inside of his jeans in a painful manner. And Kagome thought going to the bathroom was weird now she had a boner. “You know how I always get so pissed when you blow in my ear? This is why!”

 She was pressing on the appendage and it was only getting angry inside her pants. “Wh… this happens every time someone blows in your ear?”

 “No. It happens every time  you  blow in my ear! Couple it with your fucking scent…” ‘Kagome’s’ eyes had a look to them and a color that she had never seen before. It was crazy, looking at herself turned on like this. 

 It made her wonder what ‘Inuyasha’ looked like right now?

 Standing abruptly, she pushed Inuyasha’s body to leave the room. As it was, the demon wanted to devour ‘Kagome’. “I need the bathroom.”

 “You better not jack off. If I can’t get relief, neither can you!”

 Really, that was the last thing on her mind. This body didn’t want her to find relief with her hand.

 They didn’t speak when she came back, just got into bed and turned off the lights. But laying there, so close together, with ‘Inuyasha’ still hard and ‘Kagome’s’ scent still strongly present, it was impossible to fall asleep. 

 “What if…” ‘Inuyasha’s’ voice cut through the silence and she tried to focus on the sound instead of the origin, “what if we… helped each other.”

 “What do you mean?”

 The lift to ‘Kagome’s’ voice told her, Inuyasha already knew exactly what she meant. “I mean… if we… gave each other a release then it wouldn’t be so… wrong.”

 Inuyasha rolled her body onto its side and stared at the side of his own face. “Kags, I could get this body off myself and it would be far from ‘wrong’. If you want to touch each other then just say so.”

 “That’s not it,” she said in a rush of words, “I was just thinking that if I touch you and you touch me then it would be more like masturbating, right?”

 “It would be better than masturbating.”

 “Look I… I don’t need you to do anything to me. Male ejaculation is pretty straight forward. But I know what I like and I don’t want you fumbling around for an hour…”

 He huffed. “Oh please…”

 “Quick and efficient. We get in and get out.”

 Suddenly, her body was caging her in. Inuyasha had her body looming over her with a hand on either side of her head. “Why don’t we just have sex?”

 “What? No! That would be too weird for me, seriously.”

 “Having sex with me would be too weird for you?” He said with a growl.

 She shoved him back, an easy feat with the bodies they were in. “No, it would be  weird having sex with myself!!!” Inuyasha seemed to understand and didn’t press the issue. So she turned and leaned over her body instead. “So?”

 “Oh? You want my permission? It’s your body!”

 “Okay, okay…” she took deep breaths to try and steady herself, “take your pants off and get on your… my belly.” He didn’t ask; just did as she said quickly. She made Inuyasha put her body in pants and a t-shirt to sleep when normally she wore a lot less to bed. Kagome tried to ignore the awkwardness of it all as Inuyasha panted excitedly; ‘Kagome’s’ heart pounding in her chest as Inuyasha spread her body’s legs and waited. She closed her eyes and that helped a lot. “Shhhh… someone is going to hear you!”

 He growled back at her. “It’s not my fault you’ve been holding out for as long as you have! I’m not being that loud, it’s just your hearing!!”

 She wondered how much of that was true? She could hear the sounds all through the house and no one had stirred since they started this. A few pumps like that and her body shuddered with an orgasm. Laying on her back, Kagome considered going outside on her roof. At least there, she wouldn’t have to smell her body’s juices while Inuyasha’s penis danced in irritation from lack of use. When a hand slipped into her briefs, she closed her eyes and said nothing. The rubbing felt good. Inuyasha knew what he liked too, after all. But then Inuyasha started whispering in her ear.

 “Let’s just have sex.”

 “No.”

 “Come on Kags. Think about it.”

 “I did already. No.”

 The healing hand on her shaft left and she groaned. Even more when Inuyasha had her body straddling his. “You are missing the big point here. Think about the learning experience! No one has ever had this chance to learn about someone else’s body like this!”

 “With good reason, I’m sure.”

 “Come on. It could be how we get our bodies back!”

 She cracked open an eye but regretted it; feeling a bit nauseous at the sight of herself mounting herself. “How does that work in your head?!”

 “Kaede said we needed to get to know each other. What better way to know one another than by fucking?”

 “No way she expected us to have sex! That’s messed up!!”

 “Then push me off,” Kagome told Inuyasha’s body to do it but it wouldn’t move. “You could do it with ease. But you don’t want to. You want to have sex with me.”

 “I don’t want to have sex with myself…”

 “Stop thinking about the outer appearance. I haven’t thought of you as myself since the damn train ride.” He leaned over and she couldn’t take her eyes off his blue ones. “You’re still you and I’m still me. No matter what body you’re in. And I want to fuck you, Kagome.”

 “You… you do?”

 He nodded and then sat back; pulling her shirt off her body in a shift and sexy movement. Kagome closed her eyes again though. Inuyasha might be able to get over seeing himself getting laid by himself but she couldn’t. “I love your breasts.”

 She popped her eyes open to find herself fondling herself. “Hey!”

 “Chill!” He whispered harshly, reminding her to be quiet. “I’ll be gentle”

 ‘Kagome’ was smiling wickedly so she closed her eyes again. As weird as it was, she couldn’t stop Inuyasha. She didn’t want to. But she still tried to understand and maybe talk Inuyasha out of this while he pulled the angry penis out of her briefs. “Isn’t it going to be uncomfortable for you? You’re having sex with a man!”

 “Yeah but… if I’m going to have a dick inside me, at least it’s my own.”

 “That… doesn’t really make sense.”

 “I know, I just want to have sex! How the FUCK do you stand a dry spell like this?!”

 She had nothing to say to that. Because it had been a while and she didn’t want to give any more away to him. Oh god. She was about to have sex with Inuyasha! Of all people… and it was going to be so different from the occasional fantasy she had about him. She did her best to ignore the sounds coming from her body’s mouth; still too weird for her. When Inuyasha fell next to her, Kagome felt another wave of sadness rush over her that had her sniffling and Inuyasha perched over her quickly.

 “What is it now?!”

 “I… I want to… cuddle.”

 “So? We fucking cuddle!”

 She shook her head. “It’s not the same…”

 “Would you cut that shit out? It’s still you and me. Just turn around and let me fucking hold you!”

 Kagome did as commanded, rolling over and letting herself be spooned by her smaller body all night long.

  When she woke up to her sleeping face before her, Kagome was underwhelmed by it all. Sex had been weird but nice and at least they got it out of their system. Inuyasha got up before her as she laid lazily in the bed. He had her underwear back on but not much else, still touching her breasts as he pleased. But then he froze and groaned.

 “What’s wrong?”

 He shifted his hips a little and made a face. “Okay, what the hell is up with your vag? It feels… weird.”

 She laughed. “That’s how it always feels after sex. For every woman.”

 “It’s unpleasant.”

 “It’ll pass. While men think about how to get laid; women decide whether or not sex is worth unbalancing their PH.”

 He crossed arms over her chest. “It’s not that bad. I’d screw you again in a heartbeat.”

 “Really?”

 “Fuck yes.” He shifted again and blanched. “That’s disgusting. My shit just fell out into your panties.”

 “Oh my gosh, that’s hilarious!” She said, buckling over herself.

 “What the fuck? Are you trying to get knocked up by me? Why the fuck did you come inside, you’re not on BC!”

 She contained herself enough to speak but tears were leaking out of her. “Relax. I’m not ovulating. I know my body well enough to not worry. Actually, I should be getting my period soon…”

 “No… no… no, no, no, HELL NO, no, no, no, no, NO! I’m not having a fucking period for you! I’m calling that fucker Miroku and getting this fixed goddammit!!”

 She was on the floor while Inuyasha stepped over her and picked up his phone. It rang in his hands and he sighed ruefully before answering it. Kagome scrambled to her feet to take it from him since he clearly forgot, but he simply pushed her back as he spoke into the phone. 

 Listening, unintentionally, she heard a woman’s voice on the line. “Who is this? Why are you answering Inuyasha’s phone?”

 “He’s in the bathroom right now and left next to my bed.”

 “Who is this??!!”

 “Kagome Higurashi. And I thought about what you said, Kikyo. But after last night… well frankly I like Inuyasha’s massive demon dick too much to let you change it.” He winked at her while he exploited their sex life to her classmate. She was trying to be pissed but was oddly turned on again. As was ‘Kagome’. 

 “Then let me turn him into a full demon instead! The point is, he's mine, Higurashi!”

 She took the phone from him then, yelling into the phone using Inuyasha’s voice. “Kagome loves me the way I am, bitch. Don’t call me again!” Kagome was busy blocking the number and didn’t notice she was being watched intently until she heard the hurried knocks from someone’s chest. Inuyasha was staring at her with a loopy smile on his face. She didn’t get it, passing him back his phone as soon as she finished blocking Kikyo but then she realized; she probably should have asked. “Sorry, but she pissed me off. And I feel like her suggesting you change is harassment so blocking her number feels smart. Feels right. You can unblock it if you want…”

 He looked away and to his phone, messing with it and she thought he was unblocking Kikyo until he looked up at her with a grin. “I need Miroku to fix this quick so I can fuck you hard.”

 “Huh?”

 He leaned in, somehow making her feel small even while towering over him in his body. “I’m going to make you scream when we get our bodies back, Kagome. So. Fucking. Hard.”

 She swallowed something thick down her throat and sat back on the bed. What just happened?

  Kagome was surprised at the dedication; Miroku returning in a few hours thanks to Inuyasha’s call. The look on his face told her that he didn’t know about the body swap. She also didn’t know what Miroku could do for them since she had no clue what his powers or even his major were.

 He eyed them closely while they stood in the middle of Inuyasha’s and Miroku’s dorm room. With the hall completely empty, they had the door open to keep from feeling claustrophobic. But she still felt uneasy with Miroku’s probing eyes.

 “So… you’re Inuyasha?” He asked -again- while pointing at her.

 “For the thousandth fucking time, yes!” Inuyasha growled with ‘Kagome’s’ mouth. 

 Miroku looked at him now, eyeing him up and down. “If you’re in her body… then show me your tits?”

 Inuyasha punched Miroku in the arm but she was pretty sure he wanted to punch him in the face. But her body was weaker than his so he took it easy, clasping her hand instead and threading their fingers together. Miroku took note but she didn’t pull away. She was used to it now since Inuyasha had held her hand on and off since they left her room that morning and informed her family they were leaving earlier than planned. She would visit them again when she was back in her body.

 Miroku stood near the door and shook his head. “Kaede just wanted you two to get along. Which it looks like you’re doing so I’m not sure why you’re still switched like this. Maybe you two need to have sex or something?” She felt her cheeks heat up and smelled her body next to her do the same. “Ooooohhhhh hohoho. Well then. Maybe you two are stuck like this then?”

 “That’s the best you’ve got?!” Inuyasha roared next to her.

 Miroku shrugged. “Break ends in a few more days. Kaede will fix this when she returns.” He backed away more and grabbed the door to close as he left. “I'm going to go… for a few hours… so you two can have some privacy…”

 He shut the door but Inuyasha threw a book at it anyway. In a frustrated and angry huff, he sat on his bed and she slowly followed. Putting a hand on his thigh, she tried to comfort herself when she was in need of comforting herself. “I’m sorry, Yash. I know it’s… annoying being me...”

 “Not really. I kinda like it actually.”

 “What?”

 Inuyasha pulled ‘Kagome’s’ head from the hands he had it buried in and looked her dead in the eye. “Don’t get me wrong, I miss being myself. But I’m really glad I got to be you… to get to know you.”

 He leaned in to kiss her and she tried, she really did, but she just couldn’t; putting a hand on his mouth before he could touch her lips. “I’m sorry. I just can’t. It’s too weird.”

 Grabbing her, Inuyasha had her face cupped in ‘Kagome’s’ hands. “I told you to stop thinking like that.”

 “I guess I’m not like you. It’s hard to think about kissing myself…”

 “You’re not, you’re kissing me. Kagome, I’m nothing like you. You’re kind and strong. I thought you were just like everyone else, disgusted by me and half-demons like me. That you kept your distance from me out of fear or something. But no, you’re just hard-working and I admire the hell out of that.”

 “You… you do?”

 “Yeah. It’s sexy.” She rolled her eyes and he smiled. “Everyone is jealous of you and your skills. It’s not the first time Kikyo bitched about you to me. And you’re so beautiful, I never thought I had a chance with someone like you. But in the end… I love you, Kagome.”

 “Wh…” She couldn’t breathe. The gorgeously handsome Inuyasha was telling her he was in love with her. 

 “You didn’t even notice this morning that you told Kikyo that you loved me. Did you? Or was that just to mess with her?” 

 He was pulling back, his heart bouncing in fear. She grabbed him before he got far. “I meant it. I do love you.”

 “Then kiss me.”

 Her eyes drifted close on their own and she was drawn into him and his mouth. It didn’t even feel like she was kissing herself, it felt like she was kissing Inuyasha. Or what she imagined it would feel like, his thick lips pressing against hers. When she pulled back and opened her eyes, she was met with gold. 

 “There we go.” He whispered and before she could wrap her mind around it (being back in her body) Inuyasha pulled her back to him and smothered her lips with his mouth. 

 It didn’t seem to matter that they had been deep inside one another (literally) and knew one another’s bodies better than anyone. Not to Inuyasha as he discovered her body like it was the first time. But at the same time, it was clear he knew what she liked. It was sometime later, curled in Inuyasha’s arms, that Miroku returned. “Wow, you guys are into some freaky shit.”

 “Get the fuck out!” 

 Inuyasha proved they were back to normal by hurling his clock off his bedside table at Miroku’s head. There wasn’t any discussion of the events from that weekend between the three of them after that.