#i honestly mostly feel old now
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Did everyone get tired of happy, healthy ships? Why is it that most ship stuff I see nowadays is about a ship being toxic one way or another? I'm so confused when did this happen-
(Not complaining, btw, just noticing a trend lol)
#i cant believe im the one confused about the lack of fluff and who suddenly just wants to read fluffy wholesome content#<when did that happen i usually prefer unhealthy stuff or angst what-#i honestly mostly feel old now shsjssjsjsk been here too long i suppose#hermitblr#hermitcraft#trafficblr#traffic smp#theres like... a lot of toxic yaoi on my dash nowadays#and some toxic yuri but mostly toxic yaoi#also when did we start calling it yuri and yaoi instead of wlw and mlm#i honestly mostly feel old now#been here too long shsjsjksk
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and I think child modelling should be illegal I'm not even joking
#I dodged it but like it truly felt like we were pigs raised to slaughter. slaughter being prostitution#every little detail I remember now as adult with basic child psychology education from my teacher background is just. how#I'm not brave enough to say 'jail to mother' (yet) but honestly...#what wrong could come from making a bunch of girls used to lying about their age ignoring being made uncomfortable and disrespected#especially by adults who can make all sorts of rules and claims on their bodies and schedules that are treated as secrets#I had the best experience possible and I am certain I did get pimps approaching me my mother and contractors#and even then I felt very weird that I was often sent to nightclubs that only allowed adults as clients but since I was there to get on#stage as work then I could get in and actually I got instructed to keep on 'vip areas' that typically had a lot more drugs circulating#the heels the clothing and makeup I got put on were also so wrong#I didn't hate it at the time some things made me uncomfortable but I liked dancing I liked fashion and I liked how the fact I was 'making#money' made me more respected in my house and I started getting more independence (that I probably shouldn't have been given either)#but ugh the existing photographs already make me want to throw up and I am glad there aren't photographs of the worse 'dance' jobs I did#very strange little universe#I also feel like I was the only girl that didn't have an eating disorder but mostly cuz I already had problems with alcohol that did the jo#but also I got in much older than the other girls and out pretty fast#crazy that 13 is old but like you genuinely hear of 6 year old who are responsible for a considerable portion of the household income#YIKES#the compliments I got on managing to look older and 'being so mature'. yikes#anything that allows a child to be the one making most of the family's income is a receipt for disaster#.txt
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vriska + a transmasc dave doodle
#tryna get into colored pencils again we'll see how it goes#its been a while since ive done a good tag ramble#but like i dont hv anything to ramble about#my art#traditional art#doodles#fanart#homestuck#homestuck fanart#dave strider#dave strider fanart#vriska serket#vriska fanart#oh actually i do hv smth to ramble about today#that being scheduled posts#yknow scheduled posts are actually really convinient and helped me quite a bit#like i used them for a couple months and honestly really liked useing them cuz it allowed me to hv a pretty consistent posting schedule#but in the end i just didnt feel right with it mostly due to the fact that even with it set to post three times a week it felt weird to hav#some of my drawings posting weeks after i finished them. like they were old news to me already but they were barely being released to every#one else it just felt weird for me ig. not to mention that like on the rare occassions that i didnt have anything to post i felt obliged to#draw smth just so i would have smth to post and most of the time that led to me being unhappy with my art. so now ive just decided like fuc#it imma post whenever i want and honestly im really happy with that even if i might be going a little trigger happy with the posting button#recently lmao. ive just been drawing a whole lot and hv so much to post its insane. hell i still hv things in my gallery that i needa post#but ill save those for the next couple of days lol but yeah thanks for coming to my very long ted talk/ramble and goodnight 😴#damn im such a yapster what the hell
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whats the worst kind of relationship to have with anyone and why is it ex-best friend who you had a massive conflict with that got resolved but still makes you hate them a little at all times but only in the same way that you'll always love them a little for once being your best friend. and you have to pretend you dont feel either of those things because youre just casual friends now
#it has to be said that im fairly sure he feels mostly the same about me. which does create an insane dynamic it does!#but it's better than when my frustrations were one-sided#anyway. i think this is honestly healthier than we used to be even when we were best friends we were Too Close and Too 17 Years Old#i think no matter what this friendship will always be kind of a lot so being causal friends#kind of works. bc i'll see him once every 3 months and it's like ok well thats my seasonal dose of temporary insanity! bye now#better than not talking and spiralling better than letting my brain chemistry be controlled by some guy every day#and that has been tonights episode of ivicky! back to our regularly scheduled tmiposting now#personal
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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(one of) the most frustrating parts about the portrayal of drow society is that it wants to create Reverse Sexism without uncoupling itself from some. pretty foundational patriarchal ideas. it ascribes to the (tired, essentialist) notion that men are inherently good at certain things, and women are inherently suited for different things
but rather than the basic subversion of “women are warriors and men are the homemakers” or even early feminist thought experiments like “traditionally ‘women’s priorities’ are given importance over ‘men’s’ (ie things are governed by council, importance is placed on childrearing, etc)”, menzoberranzan is “this society still holds to patriarchal values and women are not as good at these things which is why it’s demonstrably worse”.
the biggest tell is that they have to control the male population to maintain female dominance, the implication being that in a fair fight, men would easily overpower them. it assumes the misogynist ideas as fact that “women are inherently weaker” and also “women are duplicitous” so the drow fighting style is based on stealth and sabotage rather than “”honorable”” face- to-face combat (letting lie also the assumption that the only avenue for ambition is through military violence, and therefore still making it so that they are reliant on men, even as disposable shock troops, for their success).
the only things that keep women in charge are by stacking the numbers on a systematic level, and through sexual domination on the individual level (because clearly the only real power a woman can have over men is her sexuality).
it is a society where “men act like men” but women don’t act like women; it is evil because an act of god created an aberration against the “natural order” of things, and there is no one to tend the hearth (because if the women won’t do it, no one will)
#there’s just. so much to unpack#call me old fashioned but i think. if you’re trying to subvert something you should first understand how it actually works#now this is also mostly based off of what i read from the first couple drizzt novels and old lore on the wiki so like#it’s possible that they’ve tried to do a spit-polish retcon in 5e#but every time they’ve tried to do that with other things i feel like they also misunderstood the real issue so#either way i don’t have a lot of faith that this would have fundamentally changed#it’s probably just something like ‘yep we acknowledge it’s problematic but that’s bc lolth is eeeeevil so it’s supposed to be bad’#like i’m gonna be honest. i roll my eyes whenever Any fantasy society spends time codifying gender roles in this kind of way#there’s plenty of other races that are like ‘men are warriors and women are homemakers but both are equally important so it’s not sexist!!!#like they’re not just reinventing the wheel of victorian Separate Spheres#but what gets me about this one is how clear it feels that no one thought deeply about it#‘a matriarchy is when women act like men’#i have no source for this but it FEELS like it originated as a reactionary response to second wave feminism#‘women can do the same things men can do?? we should let them in positions of power??#this is what that looks like. checkmate feminists’#honestly i have learned a lot more about the way men think about women from fantasy bc#it rly shows their asses when you’re ostensibly removed from the world we live in#and the things they place importance on#mine#dnd
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I'M TIRED OF THE MULTIVERSE!!
#yeah this is mostly about the#mcu#i honestly am like so incredibly uninterested in any future marvel movies#deadpool was good#but it wasnt good in the way that i needed it to be#honestly this is the first marvel movie/show ive watched sonce the last spider-man#which i honestly had the same feelings about#we all agree the multiverse is getting old#it was fun when dc did it in the cw flash... for a season.#but now its like.... so fucking overplayed#dear god#also when i went to the theatre not a single preview was for an original movie
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baking never feels more like science to me than when i'm trying to cobble together an intricate multi step recipe together from several different recipes and tutorials online because the recipe I'm imagining doesn't exist....
#genuinely feels like a science experiment making something fancier than a frosted layer cake#have to do all kinds of volume and weight conversions because one recipe is japanese and the other is indian and the other is english lmfao#none of the recipes are probably the exact volume I need so i might have to make some minis with my extra stuff#i have to find a very precise sheet pan size tomorrow for the patterned cake i'm gonna use as the outer bit#otherwise i'll have to make my own from parchment paper??? or tin foil??? man idk.....#i had to write out all of my instructions and ingredient lists so i don't have to go between 6 different websites tomorrow/sat#i had to do research on fucking. gelatine 😭because it's impossible to find gelatine sheets here and they're used in EVERY mousse recipe#and there's apparently a huge debate on what the ACTUAL conversion of sheet gelatine to powdered gelatine is for baking#I also had to type up like an exact order to make each component because most need a significant amount of cooling time#grayson im gonna try my hardest to make you this fancy ass lemon cake and i pray i succeed this time where i failed on my own birthday#2 yrs ago but also i think this will go better bc i'm not doing a jelly insert or a candied mirror glaze#I'm also making my own candied lemons and lemon curd even though i don't have to#mostly because i wanna try doing it and the sheer power of getting to say i made the whole thing from scratch *#minus the actual cake mix because i don't have a good from scratch cake track record and box mixes are so so reliable#and i have too many moving parts to worry about finding a new cake recipe#every fucking cake recipe now is a fucking genoise sponge for SOME REASON#which is NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT AND A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE IT USES NO RISING AGENTS#i want to throttle whoever it was that made online recipe people turn to only using variations of a genoise sponge for their cake recipes#honestly i need to maybe join the baking subreddit and ask for some good old baking/cookbooks with reliable baking recipes#ones that aren't crazy labor intensive for fucks sake i'm not a french patisserie#my stuff#it would be cool to one day have baked enough and have enough know how of how standard baking recipe components work#so i can just come up with my own recipes on my own#and just use whatever flavors i want#i feel like i would enjoy being a baker except if i had to make wedding cakes
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I made a new header and icon! There were lots of great ones in the tags but I had a Vision and decided to go for it, and I'm really pleased with how they turned out. Well, admittedly the edit on the header is a liiittle janky, but that was kind of intentional with the half-baked 2000s-y vibe I was going for, really. Feel free to use them on your blog as long as you credit me :)
#I mean I don't want to be weird about the credit thing but like a shoutout would be nice so I can know if anybody uses them yanno?#a reblog or whatever#Stelena#Delena#I have a stelena header and a delena icon to show that I contain multitudes. hehe#stelena header#delena icon#Stefan Salvatore#Elena Gilbert#Damon Salvatore#TVD 4x07#for the icon and#TVD 2x20#for the header. Mostly picked that scene for the mountains honestly#I like Stelena but I love the Blue Ridge Mountains#but yeah I loved the vibe of my old header+icon but it was time for a new fandom update. now that my obsession has pretty solidly shifted t#the Vampire Diaries#I think I do like Delena more of the two but I also think it would be nice if they could work out a thing with all three of them#again not in an incest way just in a taking turns & sharing way#anyways I think these are really pretty and they give me feels so. job done :)#I've just started season 6 and everything is so depressing. please get happy again murderdeathfilled vampire show
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trying to find some oldass drawings of one of my first sonas i havent been able to find em yet but instead ive just been unearthing all these old notes an ex friend and i would pass to each other back in middle school
#fucking insane i forgot abt a lot of these. i feel kinda bad keeping them that person kind offfff completely ruined my and many of my#friends lives but also. theyre kinda funny to look back on idk#theres one they made that was like ‘i drew the 2 of us as guys haha no reason lol’. idk how he identifies now but back then they were#very very openly a lesbian and last time id heard of him he had transed his gender#i remmeber . so clearly feeling some kinda way abt the art i couldnt articulate at all at the time. Lol#god that whole situation was so fucked im not gonna get into all my personal middle school bullshit becuz it was soooo stupid but like. man#insane#i know ive always been kind of a pushover ill admit but its soooo frustrating looking back like. man..HOW did i just not say anything at al#i wouldnt have gotten into that whole mess if id just been honest 😭 i mean tbh that guy was . i dont want to say anything too like . awful#he was going through a lot absolutely had his own issues they were working thruwe were all like 12 but again .#completely ruined me nd my friends lives for a while . i feel like he wouldve just pulled rhe same thing w someone else as the main target#okay no i need to stop talking abt this i said i wouldnt over share#its mostly just funny seeing all the old art tbh. most of it was before shit got bad so its sorta bittersweet in a way#inquisitivewaltz.txt#i dint know why im talkign abt this sorry#this is honestly something i think abt a lot sometimes . especially the stupider nd more mundane bits#but it was such an awful part of all out lives i cant really discuss it much w friends#everyone else has a much more ‘thank god were not in that anymore now lets pretend it never happened’ outlook on it which is understandable#idk#sorry im oversharing again i need to start keeping a journal or some shit
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Unpopular opinion:
Discovery's Pike >>>>>>>> SNW Pike
#ahhhh good old days when be didn't embark on i cant-#be with una - bc - she's a coworker - so ill bang -another co-worker - who has ambition to become -an admiral one day-#-and who happened to - arrest my BFF - and almost had her expelled - sort of journey#also- the hair-!#i know my boi needs to experiment before YOU KNOW WHAT#but it doesn't feel dad enough#i honestly thought that SNW will be mostly about him and Una babysitting Spock#i really miss Una being the queen and complete badass#the curls gave her so much authority#kinda miss her hair like that#i think that her Vulcan eyebrows now dont give her that warmth! she beamed with in Discovery#and don't get me started on Christine dating spock for one episodes#*episode#i#i just cant#i love this show#but captain Batel really annoyed me with her shallow character and bad writing#and im UHHHHHH#my babygirl pike wouldn't DATE someone like that#deb rambles#snw#christopher pike#strange new worlds#strange new worlds spoilers#st snw#una chin riley#spock#my thoughts#and my PROBLEMS
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#im probably gonna be spending a lot of my life mourning my sisters and my relationship#we were so close but now we dont really talk outside of gatherings#i dunno#we're both living our own lives and it takes two to be distant#theres a lot of things i hate about her and its probably mostly stuff that hits my own insecurities#i used to come to her with all kinds of things#now its like she doesnt respond to my lil reachings out so like i dunno#we work for the same fucking college for fucks sake#im prolly always gonna resent her for applying and moving here without telling me and just having me hear second hand#like yes im not blameless but also like fuck her#i continue to prove i dont need her but also i miss her#we only hurt each other when we do talk#the fact my old coworker reminded me of her so much was probably part of why i hated her so bad#fuck people who think theyre better than me (read people i think are better than me)#my mom called today and thats whats got me thinking like this#im great#people love me#im loved#honestly my familys where i get all my abandonment issues#im better off without all of them but by god if thats gonna stop me from like feeling the ache of their absence like a phantom limb
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I miss your fics. I hope you’re doing well tho
I appreciate this, thank you 🥹
For the record, I miss my fics too! This unofficial hiatus has been out of necessity rather than choice, and I can honestly say there hasn't been a day where I don't fantasize about A Grand Return. 💙
#i suppose I've been a bit vaguer than usual about all this#but the short answer is I was still writing consistently up until the end of March#when I had a health incident that was ultimately the fault of the piss poor excuse for care one of my doctors was giving me#& while I'm much better now I've essentially been dealing with the reverberations of that - physically but tbh mostly mentally - since then#so there's that lol#and then also now that it's been so long since I've posted anything I honestly feel super insecure about it#idk for a lot of reasons i question if there's a place for me in the fic world anymore#i hope there is! but i question it#so. just a bit of a look behind the curtain lol#i started tinkering with an old WIP a couple weeks ago and that was nice#and i have pitched like 5 different ideas to Cass over the last week 😂#so clown brain is still there I just need the energy and perhaps some confidence 🤓#i truly appreciate you taking the time to send the message - honestly the discussion/excitement is what i miss most about sharing my fic#sorry this took a minute to answer but i had to decide what to say... and then decide to bury it in the tags obviously 😂💙💙💙#ask#anon#kh4f writing
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have reached the age when i periodically get a shock of 'oh that was a LONG time ago' whenever i think about being a teenager
#i mean honestly not *that* long but still#this is the year i turn the age i fixated on as The Age I Would Perish when i was a kid#which is a trippy feeling but... mostly good#...ah now i wanna change my blog title back to 'it's real sweet to grow old'. think i might#vic talks#sunflower radio hour
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Mm because I've been feeling kinda sucky about my art for the last week nice little self-improvement post over the past ehh 5 months or so?
Under a cut because it's literally just some art I've already posted from the last 5 months (literally the first finished drawing of LMK I did far back. It's literally only been 5 months why does it feel like a year. Geeze.) so I can see tasty improvement but uhh yeah
#all of my like in the last couple weeks stuff has been OCs#which I haven't been drawing for as long so didn't wanna include#mostly stuff to Macaque + Wukong because they were def the hardest things for me to draw walking into LMK#but now I can at least sketch them digitally pretty easily even if their scarves still throw me without a reference#and I'm pretty proud of myself#this is literally just me being self-indulgent because I needed a bit of a boost ignore this#side note look at me!!! not cringing away from my old art at the first sight of it!!!!#actually able to like it and acknowledge how it's helped me grow!!! look at that!!!#honestly I have so many scrapped sketches I may post someday because even though they were scrapped because of how bad they were#they're still so important to how much I've improved#letting myself make bad art is honestly the best thing I've ever done for myself#and it turns out when all is done and finished I'm still proud of the effort and love?? and it doesn't feel that bad anymore??#that 19 hour comic I'm so proud of? I was never gonna do it because I thought the sketch looked bad#but a friend saw it and went 'yes finish it'#and I'm so glad I did#whoof it is. 5 AM.#emotions tonight#wow
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new pokemon episode!!!
#vi rambling#pokemon#this ep was great honestly... i kinda lowered expectations because i kinda... disliked last ep lol . a lot didnt make sense#but i really liked basagiri's characterisation and seeing more of lucius.. that flashback was really sweet and a lot can be inferred from i#and there were great moments direction wise. basagiri locking them in with the rock tomb and liko terastalizing were really great#i will say im a little disappointed it didnt last for one more episode? it felt a bit short lived in comparison to the others?#because the pacing was mostly spent on looking For basagiri. and when we finally find him ig all just feels pretty short.#honestly i think my biggest problem is perrin because as much as i wanted to like her her presence felt pretty unnecessary imo.#until now the series has done a shockingly very good job at implementing the game characters in a way that doesn't feel forced#but in this case it.... kind of is. i didnt feel like she did much other than providing the initial picture and her dynamic with the others#didnt stand out enough for me to feel like the characters gained anything from her presence. there was the cute moment with dot last ep#(which was honestly the highlight of the episode imo) but its very short and doesnt change much or provide much insight on perrin herself.#mostly sad the rest of the rising volteccers are being kinda shelved for this... which is transparently the intervention of gamefreak#wanting to promote the games. ehhhh whatever whatever. i cant decide if what would solve this would be perrin staying longer#or just writing her out. no clue.#anyways DIANA IS BACK LETS GOOOO. i will say seeing liko's growth is really satisfying and so is rhe rest of the kids#and this ep did a much better job at that than last episode because seriously im so... what was with that.#ITS FINE im not gonna be negative about last episode i enjoyed this one and thats what counts. i need episode 75 very badly#FOR THE THIRD TRAVELER REVEAL... i dont remember her name but . this sounds fascinating i NEED more of gibeon and lucius#from just the little information that is scattered and inferred... they fascinate me.#also i realize why lucius fascinates me so much.#something to do with... a kindhearted gentle looking hero of old.... with blue hair... who roams the land helping the people (or pokemon)#who sort of haunts the narrative as rhe character who's legendary legacy the main character is following after his journey has ended...#HMMMM.... HIMMEL CODED MUCH..........
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