#job which is awesome and im really proud of them but literally i have geard from one of them ONCE in the past like 2 weeks. the gc is dead. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dr-gaytorius · 2 days ago

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Very awesome that my night was ruined because other people can't act like adults in ways that result in majorly divisive schisms in our community despite the fact that is entirely counterproductive to having any chance of surviving the next 4+ years. I'm just going to have to play my cards right and try to reach these people because they're all my friends but have decided they're each other's mortal enemies. For frankly stupid reasons. Terrifyingly flippant and fickle and honestly I just think some people take for granted the bonds they have because they don't know what it's like to have them suddenly taken away by death, or be betrayed, or left behind. They don't know how good what they have is because theyve never experienced just how bad it can be. And so they don't have the perspective of that loss and loneliness and hurt to fully comprehend the value of what they have. It's sad to say the very least. What a harmful waste.

#feeling very fragile and frustrated and disappointed in the people i need to depend on the most and dearly love right now #really doesn't help that without them i am significantly isolated locally. and i don't think they even realize how insular theyre being #and even worse that they are both actuvely making huge moves as community leaders... and conflict resolution and tolerance are skills you #MUST have if you are going to be the keystone of a community outreach program.#and one of them is currently my only hope of actually being able to help. and the way things are being handled right now is just #discouraging and concerning #theyre just being immature... but they are going to have to resolve their conflict or others are going to suffer. we need each other.#we dont have time ir space for this kind of drama anymore. and frankly we're too fucking old for it anyway.#i will be much less affected once i reacvlimate and find my resolve but right now im just really fragile #in part because of this tbh. many aspects of it. including how all of my main friend group has been entirely focused on unionizing at their #job which is awesome and im really proud of them but literally i have geard from one of them ONCE in the past like 2 weeks. the gc is dead.#i feel incredibly isolated.#my other friend group revolves around two of my exes. one of which really deeply hurt me and I didn't leave my room for like 6 months #like ig i was in a thruple with my best friend at the time and i was really happy until that one blew up on me for like an entire month #consistently. i understand why the did it and i mostly forgive them but im extremely. extremely cautious around them now.#but they're placing themself as the keystone of this movement and the other one has the most resources and connections of anyone any of us #even know. so... it's either make amends and deal with the hurt or start from scratch and hope i get somewhere.#and of course one person in each group had a major falling out last year and have essentially vowed against each other as mortal enemies and #frankly i think it's stupid. i get why both did what they did. but i think they both also handled it terribly. it should have ruined such a #long and close friendship. and honestly it did create a massive schism in our friend group. and now im caught between the two sides because #im the only one who thinks community building and outreach during a full fledged nosedive into legitimate fascism and holocaust is more #important and worth putting it all behind us. its just. its honestly terrifying to me. do they not comprehend what's at stake here?#i dont know.#but i feel like it all depends on me to try to mend this schism. and it NEEDS to be. we all have incredibly useful and needed skills for #what the community needs. we would be SO much stronger and more helpful if we all worked together. i just wish that was enough for them.

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