#i heard this song and immediately pulled out my laptop and write this in 5 minutes so excuse me if it’s not good

[striveattemptfail]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

stolen from here. answering everything myself bc i'm too impatient to wait for people to ask me things lol. all stats are as of publishing this post ✌️

(cw: gifs included for some answers)

——————————

1. How many words have you written this year?

20,488 according to my stats page

technically speaking though i've written way more bc i have a bunch of wips i haven't posted yet 😅

2. How many works did you publish this year?

nine (9)!!!

i wish i could round this out to 10 before the year ends but i'm 90% sure it's not gonna happen 😔😔

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

You'll be there to push me up the hill — poolverine — 154 kudos — 900+ hits

it's chockfull of my personal movie!deadpool headcanons and things i want for post-canon dp&w

i only wish i could've squeezed in even more scenes to include russell and x-force but i barely managed to finish it on time for poolvertober so alas

special shout out to: Feel your way — poolverine — 113 kudos — 1.1k hits

i haven't written smut in literal years so i'm both shocked and grateful that i 1) wrote it at all, and 2) finished + posted it lol

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

for 2024: knee deep in the couch seat and you're not eating me out — 1.5k hits

in general: Just take my hand, and let’s enjoy — miragen & kuroko — 8k hits

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

knee deep in the couch seat and you're not eating me out — 8 comment threads + a lot of very sweet comments on tumblr and twitter (ಥ‿ಥ)❤️💛

i rushed to post on time for that day's poolvertober prompt so i wasn't very proud of it

but i'm so glad that a ton of people liked it anyway!

6. Favorite title you used

knee deep in the couch seat and you're not eating me out — insp. by chappel roan's casual

i saw the honda odyssey scene, then i heard the song, and I Immediately Knew i had to bastardize these lyrics for a fic lmfao

once again, apologies to ms roan /o\

i just!!!

does this not embody those lyrics?!?!?!?!?!!!

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

i haven't repeated an artist for titles this year!

in general though, i use red velvet english lyric translations the most LOL

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

wade wilson/logan howlett aka poolverine

it's not even close

i'd be embarrassed but tbh i'm just shocked i even managed to finish one (1) fic at all

much less publish several of them!

i meant it when i said the poolverine brain rot might pull me out of my misery era (no jinx!)

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

poolverine

mustard and ketchup old man yaoi has me in a chokehold but i'm not particularly upset about it looool

10. What work was the quickest to write?

chaos, we so catostrophic — poolverine + blind al — 1.1k wc

i finished it in one frantic session filled with 10-min sprints 😅😂

my original idea for that day's poolvertober prompt was getting too long to finish on time, so i spent ~2 hrs in a haze laughing at myself while i thought about how funny it'd be for blind al to shoot a glock inside the apartment lmfaooo

11. What work took you the longest to write?

maybe it's a little too early (to know if this is gonna work) — poolverine — 5.2k wc

the dang &1 scene took me way too long to write bc i couldn't figure out a sideplot for it

did it need a sideplot? no.

would it have bothered me to no end if i didn't set the scene properly? yes.

and that's not even getting into the fact that logan and wade kept getting horny instead of keeping things cute and sweet like i originally planned!

i rewrote each scene multiple times bc they couldn't be serious smdh (=_=)

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

uhhhhhhh—

*checks phone*

*checks laptop*

—a lot.

at least 20.

definitely more.

i'm too lazy to count all of them between the fact that i have multiple draft files of the same fic + many of these are wips i've been sitting on for years

whoops soz

😁😁😅😅😅🥴🥴🥴🥴🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

You'll be there to push me up the hill — 5.4k wc

despite being the longest and hitting a wall with a few of the scenes, it was relatively easy to write

like i said, it's just filled with personal headcanons ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

all i had to do was verbalize whatever the hell goes on in my head and put it on paper lmaaaooo

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

Back Seat — poolverine — 380 wc

it was supposed to be 300 words flat so it could be a triple drabble but these two idiots don't know how to shut up lol

ngl i completely forgot about this fic so this is likely the correct answer for q.10..........

.....that said, i'm not rewriting my answers bc i'm lazy whoops /o\

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

.......wasn't this already asked in q.12? lmao

i guess i'll give a special shout out to the poolverine professor/student au from an outsider pov bc the premise is so funny and i have it all planned out already

will i actually finish it? who knows!

certainly not me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

actually informative tag: Canon Compliant — 8/9 works

fandom specific tag: Logan Is So Done (X-Men) — 4/9 works

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

i love writing wade wilson aka deadpool bc our inner monologues are very similar

babbling on and on and on happens effortlessly

(it's the rampant adhd lmao)

both of us also have a crude sense of humour so writing the stupid crap that comes out of wade's mouth is easier than with other comedic characters bc i have the sense of humour of a 12 y/o boy and luckily wade usually does too lol

the problem is i am not near as witty as him, nor do i have the wherewithal to actually write how brutal he truly is sometimes, nor am i acquainted with pop culture enough so he can break the fourth wall effectively

which now sounds like i shouldn't be writing him at all but WHATEVER! IDC!!!

i still love writing him as a ramble-y, annoying prick bc i am a ramble-y, annoying prick myself LOOOOOL

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

logan howlett aka wolverine

i know i wrote in his pov more than wade, but still

writing logan is hard for a simple reason: i'm not like him

my biggest self-critique is that it just seems like i gave logan adhd

his internal monologue is filled with run-on sentences when it really shouldn't be

and then his actual dialogue is just.

constant grunting.

lmfao.

i do understand and relate to him in some ways, but there's also a reason why i haven't really gotten into him as a character despite being adjacent to the x-men franchise for most of my life

he's a complex dude and i'm honestly just grateful i haven't received flames yet (omg i'm in old fart) for not writing him with the care he deserves

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

honestly i wouldn't mind staying on the poolverine train for another year

it'd be nice to branch out to other ships i enjoy (tbh i can't believe i haven't posted anything for jayroy, or more wlw)

but if poolverine wants to keep their hold on me for even longer, who am i to stop them?

LOOOOOOL

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

everything bc only a third of them were beta'd lol

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

as of drafting this post: 1,099

hopefully by the time i publish this i'll break 1.1k! 😩🙏

ETA: I'VE BROKEN 1.1K KUDOS FOR THIS YEAR WOOHOO \o/

22. Which work has the most comments?

it's a tie!

You'll be there to push me up the hill — 18 comments total

Feel your way — poolverine — 18 comments total

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

unfortunately no 😔😔

i've had tremendous help from @broosepayne and @comatose--overdose with idea bouncing though!

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

again, unfortunately no

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

nope!

which is just fine since i couldn't give any gifts 😅😅

26. What’s your most common category?

m/m

shocker, i know (<- sarcasm)

i actually have some m/f and f/f wips but none of them are anywhere near complete or polished enough to post 😩😔

27. What do you listen to while writing?

for the past few years, it's usually playlists from this channel!

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

You'll be there to push me up the hill

refer to q.3 for why lmao

(can you tell i'm running out of steam trying to finish this? /o\)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

it's a tie between

“He believed that I, a hero, could still save someone after I refused to save him.” Piotr’s eyes wander back over to where Wade is, whose hands are in the air as he enthusiastically elaborates on something to a very patient Laura. The two siblings laugh at something he says. “Wade is not perfect,” Piotr finally rumbles, “but perhaps what he is doesn’t need to be.” (via You'll be there to push me up the hill)

and

And with a body aching from a day’s hard work, a full belly, a dog on his lap, and a man he realized was dangerously close to falling in love with sleeping peacefully by his side, he thought, I think I could live the rest of my life like this. (via tanoshii omoide — victuuri — 600+ wc)

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

it truly is the fact that i wrote AND published anything at all

i've been in a slump (creatively and otherwise) bc of my aforementioned mentioned misery era

jotting down ideas has been the extent of any creative endeavours for a very long time

finishing anything was a shock

actually posting them even more so

the fact that it happened more than once is nothing short of a miracle tbqh

mr reynolds and huge jacked man put crack something in this year's old man yaoi and i am very grateful for it!! 😂😂

WOOH i finally finished! if anyone actually reads this: you're a real one and i thank you<3

[milobyelo]

Maverick sees Iceman every morning.

He sees him in the blue of the petunias they planted together in the backyard two years ago.

He sees him in the blue of his favorite dress shirt that he wore on their first wedding anniversary.

He sees him every morning when he cooks french toast, his favorite breakfast food, in the pan Iceman bought him while he was at Homegoods spending an outrageous amount of money on new things for their house- despite the fact it had already been loved and lived in for 30 years now.

Every morning and every night when he brushes his teeth and has to pluck his green toothbrush out of the holder- that also holds Ice’s blue one because he could never find it in himself to throw it out despite it no longer having a purpose- he sees his husband.

He sees him in the park in the couple that walk through smiling and holding hands, enjoying each other's presence.

He sees him in the ocean, in the sky, when he sees his favorite liquor at the store, in the accent of the weatherman on channel 12, in the diner he loved to take him to, in the san diego heat, in the rain that drips down the window, and everyday when he wakes up and spends his days in the air in a cockpit teaching a younger generation the skills and maneuvers the two of them perfected together.

He sees him everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.

And he thinks he’ll keep seeing his husband in everything until the day he dies.

They’ll meet again, he doesn’t know where, he doesn’t know when; but he knows they’ll meet again, some sunny day.

[migilini]

Hi!! Can you do another request for Charlie Gillespie? Can it be the 5 times he tries to propose and the one time he actually does? Thank you!!

Fifth Time Works A Charm - Charlie Gillespie

a/n: I loved writing this, especially because I’m procastinating to write the next Chapter for my Luke ff. I hope you like it as much as I do.

Requests are open!

Words: 3k

Masterlist

------------------------------------------

He knew from the moment he kissed you goodnight on your second date that you were the one he was gonna marry one day. He loved the way you always complained about back pain, yet you never sat normally in any chair and the way you still paid attention to him when he talked about a topic you had no clue on. The spark in your eyes and the curve of your lips when you laughed at one of his awful jokes. Every Morning he woke up next to you was a good one and he loved you more and more everyday. He was totally and completely whipped for you that wasn't the hard part, finding the right moment to propose was. 

1

The two of you were on vacation in Hawaii at the same resort the two of you accidentally met a couple years ago and learned that you actually only lived 30 minutes away from each other. You were laying on the beach, the soft towel brushing your skin slightly, a big sun hat shielding your eyes and face from the hot sun. 

Cold drops of water hit your exposed stomach “Baby look, the water is so nice!” more water hit your warm skin. Screeching you sat up and saw your boyfriend standing over you, with a big smile while he wrenched out his hair, letting all the cold water hit you. 

“It's cold.” you giggled. “And you're warm!” He dropped on top of you, instantly cooling you down with his cold skin. You tried to protest but he was faster and stronger than you are. Putting his elbows around your face, he lifted some weight off of your chest then he stared at you. 

“Hmm? What are you staring at me for?” you asked, amusement evident in your voice. “You just look very beautiful right now. You look relaxed.” 

Blushing, you cupped one of his cheeks and responded “Thank you handsome. I am relaxed, really needed this getaway.” He smiled and leaned down a bit to kiss your forehead, your nose and then your lips. You savoured the saltines that lingered on your lips for a second longer before he pulled away. He got off of you and rested on his own towel. 

Sitting up a bit more, you pulled out your book and read for a bit, when suddenly something made your toe wiggle. Looking over the border of the book, you noticed that Charlie wanted your attention. You looked at him for a moment, taking in his small smile. 

“I have something planned for tonight.” He said and buried your foot in the sand. “Yeah? Care to tell me what it is?” 

“Nope that's gonna be a surprise! Let's get back to the room and get ready.” 

He told you to get dressed casually yet fancy so you wore your hair up in a bun, light makeup with a bold red lip and a flowy maxi dress. You were sitting on the hotel bed when you heard someone vomiting.

“Babe? You okay?” you questioned and walked to the bathroom door. “Did you eat something weird?” the door opened and you were faced with a pale Charlie. “Oh baby.” a small frown sat on your face when you saw him. “Let's stay in. We can do your surprise tomorrow when you feel better, okay?” Pouting, he shook his head “No. I feel fine, let's go.” he went to grab your hand but you took a small step back.

“Charlie, you're sick. There's no harm in staying in today. Health first, adventures second okay?” His shoulders dropped in defeat, there was no way he could convince you to still go out, so he nodded and followed you back to the bed. But before, in a second that you went to grab a water bottle, he pulled a small black box from his pockets and stuffed it back into his suitcase.

Unfortunately he was sick for the rest of your trip.

2

You and your boyfriend Charlie were chilling on the couch in the living room. Charlie was responding to some emails while you scrolled through instagram. The radio was on in the background, filling the room with soft music. It was late evening and you put some candles on and turned up your little lights that were scattered all over the place to make it cozy.

Your ears picked up the familiar tune of ‘It's been a long long time by Harry James’ and a big smile spread on your lips. You jumped up, throwing your phone somewhere on the couch and started pulling on Charlie's arm. “Dance with me.” 

“Baby I’m working.” he said with a grin, already closing his laptop.

“Please just dance to this song. It's our song babe! Then I won't annoy you the whole day.” you pleaded, jumping from one foot to the other, while still pulling on his arm.

“Okay. Just this song. I know how much you love it.” He stood up, his arms finding your waist as you interlaced your hands behind his back. Your manicured fingers immediately start playing with his longer hair. The two of you swayed to the music, he was humming along to the music, while you closed your eyes. He dipped you, waking you laugh. Then you twirled him around your arm. The song came to your favorite part and you wholeheartedly sang along, beaming up at your boyfriend.

‘Kiss me once’ You gave him a kiss on the shoulder and he kissed the top of your head, pulling you closer into his chest.

‘Then, kiss me twice’ You stood on your tiptoes and kissed his forehead and the tip of his nose.

‘Then, kiss me once again’ finally you kissed his lips. Charlie hummed in approval, tightening his grip on your waist.

Slowly the song came to an end when your phone started to ring. Charlie looked at your expectantly, waiting for you to pick it up.

“If it's important they'll call again.” you muttered with your face pressed against his shoulder. Sadly for you both a second later it began to ring again. Groaning the two of you left your little bubble as you picked up your phone.

“Oh hi grandma. How have you been?” You excused yourself with a swift kiss on his cheek and left the living room, leaving behind a lonely boyfriend.

“We got a special request to play this song today.” The radio host announced “I hope she said yes man!”

3

You just finished your last exam of the last semester of college. You were done. Finished. Now you only have to wait and see if you're actually gonna graduate or if you have to repeat the semester. Still, you felt like celebrating. Charlie had interview after interview scheduled for today so you didn't tell him right of the bat. You spent the day doing some mundane household tasks and grocery shopping. The moment your boyfriend was finished for the day, he ran out of your office to search for you.

You laid on the couch, watching a new netflix series when you heard footsteps approach. “You’ve done it baby!” he pulled you off the couch and twirled you around. Giggling you answered “I haven't graduated yet.” 

“And? You will, I'm sure of it because I have the smartest girlfriend in the world and she just finished her last test. This needs celebration!” he left small kisses all over your face. 

Due to the pandemic, you had to stay in the appartement to party. You didn't care though. Charlie ordered something from your favourite italian place and you pulled out the wine from your kitchen cabinet. Somehow the food took ages to arrive and to pass the time you decided to open the bottle.

Wine always had an interesting effect on the two of you, especially on an empty stomach. Charlie got very needy and you always blacked out during the night (He does too but he won't admit it). But the one thing both of you had in common was the touchyness. It wasn't like you two were not always touching when you were sober, it was just that wine drunk Charlie and you took it to a whole other level. By the time you were on your third glass, you wondered if Charlie even ordered the food.

“Could I have this dance with you ma lady?” Charlie held out his hand and bowled a little. You put down your now fifth glass of wine and stood up, taking his hand in yours.

“Oh, yes of course.” This dance was different from the dance you had a couple of nights ago. It was more of a makeout session than a dance. At some point he picked you up, so your legs were wrapped around his torso, yet he still swayed to the non existing music. 

“I love you.” You murmured against his lips. 

“I love you more.” he said and pulled away slightly.

“No way that's possible.” 

“Oh really?” he raised his eyebrow. 

“Marry me then.” he whispered looking you in the eyes with a spark in his.

“Yes! I do!” You slurred and kissed him harshly. A smile spreading on both of your lips.

You woke up the next morning with an aching headache and practically no memory of the evening before. You turned over to see Charlie sleeping next to you. You slowly traced the outline of his face. He opened his eyes and smiled at you.

“Hi” he croaked out in his morning voice that still made butterflies rise in your stomach. “Hey. How much do you remember?” You asked him sheepishly. He pulled you in with his arms, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. 

“Not much to be honest and i'm guessing you don’t either?” You only shook your head. 

“I remember that our food somehow didn't arrive.” 

Next time Charlie should really read the text of the restaurant he orders from, because there was a perfectly cooked meal waiting in front of your door.

4

Charlie missed his best friend and you knew this. So you arranged a little get together with Owen and Jeremy at Owen’s new apartment. Your plan was to drive down from Canada, make a quick weekend stop at Owens and then make your way to your apartment in LA.

Currently it was a monday morning and you were still at Owens. His guest bed was just so comfortable it was harder than normal to get out of bed. On this particular morning, you woke up to an empty side of the bed and some talking from the living room.

Lazily, you put on one of Charlie's hoodies, some cozy socks and a beany. You shuffled to the living room where you assumed the boys would be sitting, not realising that you interrupted a conversation. 

“I don't know man. Everytime I have something planned it goes wrong.” 

“Look Char, In my experience the chance will… morning y/n.” Jeremy was quick to notice your figure shuffling towards them, your eyes scanning your phone. The boys tensed up and quickly tried to do a normal activity. 

“Morning everybody.” You smiled at them. “Am I the last to be up?” you asked and only got noods in return. Still too sleepy to notice the atmosphere, you made your way over to your boyfriend, who was standing at the kitchen aisle, wrapping your arms around him from behind and nuzzling your head into his back. Your hands instantly go under his hoodie and on his bare skin to warm your hands. 

“Kofe…” you mumbled into his back, barely audible.

“What?” Owen asked, confused while he sat on the kitchen counter, eating a toast.

“She wants some coffee.” Your boyfriend translated with a smile. 

“Oh.. I just used the last capsule... I’m so sorry” Jeremy apologized and offered you the last sip of his cup of coffee. 

“I’m fine, I'll survive thank you though Jer.” You yawned, releasing yourself from cuddling Charlie, knowing you're not gonna be fully awake without a cup of coffee. Your boyfriend also knew this and eyed you closely, then he leaned over to whisper in your ear that he's gonna get you a coffee after his workout. He looked at you lovingly and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“Jesus Christ man, you're whipped. Just ask her.” Owen said while rolling his eyes. The second the last words left his lips all the boys looked at eachother with wide eyes. Owen went to cover his mouth with his hands. 

“Ask me what?” You asked in a soft tone and turned to your boyfriend who had a really panicked look on his face. 

“I- I-uhm…” he stuttered, fiddling with his fingers.

“Charlie here wanted to ask you if you would mind staying one more day.” Jeremy came to the rescue and sent Owen a mad look, while he pulled one of his arms over Charlie's shoulder, who gave him a thankful nudge.

Your face softened “Of course bubby! If it's okay with Owen it's okay with me, we have no hurry to head to LA. I love spending time here. Gotta teach Owen a few tips and tricks of living alone.” you sent a wink in the blonde boys direction.

5

At this point Charlie nearly gave up on asking you to marry him, maybe it was a sign from the universe that the two of you weren’t ready for that commitment yet. You were both still so young and just started with your careers. 

He looked over at your mess of curls that spread all over the pillow case. The peaceful up and down from your chest and the small smile on your slightly opened lips as you slept. He had to ask you to marry him, there was no way he wouldn't. 

The sunlight peeked through the curtains and illuminated the bedroom on this sunday morning in a pretty yellow. You opened your eyes as you heard something shift beside you.

“Where are you going?” You asked, squinting your eyes that still needed to get used to the light. 

“Just for a walk baby. Go back to sleep.” He pushed some hairs back that touched your face. Pouting, you put your much smaller hand on his hand that laid on your face. 

“Noo. Don't go. Come back to bed.” you whined, leaving kisses on his hand. He sat there for a while, contemplating if he could say no to your face. In the end he sighed and you felt the mattress next to you go down. 

“Thank you for staying.” you whispered and pulled him closer, letting your head rest on his chest. His arms wrapped around you and he shifted in a comfortable position, so that you were basically laying on top of him. With the tip of your fingers you drew little constellations on his chest and he played with the strands of your hair. 

“Charlie?” You broke the silence and went to look at his face, propping your chin on your hand.

“What's on your pretty mind?”

“When will you ask me to marry you? Or should I ask you?” You finally asked the questions that have been running through your mind for months now.

He stopped breathing for a second, stunned at your declaration. A wide smile broke out on his lips and he started laughing. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. 

“Is that such a funny concept?” You asked, slightly hurt. “I thought you wanted to do it in Hawaii but then you were sick and I also heard you and the boys talking about something. Plus I found the ring.” you admitted. 

Charlie shifted again so you were both sitting up and facing each other. “You found the ring?” he asked quietly. 

“Yeah I put some of your stuff into the drawer and it fell out. I didn't look at it though! I still wanted that part to be a surprise. But you never asked, so im gonna do it, fuck the gender norms. Charlie Jeffrey Gillespie will you...”

“Oh my god. Baby no.” he chuckled and cupped your face, making you stop in the middle of the sentence. “I had so many different ideas planned but something always came in between me actually asking you. So let me do it right.”

He got up from the bed and pulled out the little black box from one of the drawers in your bedroom. 

“Uhm… could you maybe stand up?”

You obliged eagerly, your hands shaking like crazy.

And then it was finally happening. Your boyfriend got down on one knee and looked up at you with tears in his eyes.

“This wasn't at all how I originally wanted to do it but now thinking about it, it's just perfect. I knew pretty early on that you were gonna be the girl I marry one day. I know we’re both still very young but I couldn't imagine myself spending my life with anybody else other than you. You're the person I want to wake up next to every morning and the person I miss the most when I’m away. So would you do me the honours and make me the happiest man alive by marrying me?” he took out the ring with shaking hands, while you tried to stop the sobbing. You got on your knees as well and cupped his face, whipping away some tears.

“Yes! One million times yes!” You kissed him softly, afraid that this was all a dream. Charlie pushed the ring on your finger and lifted you up, kissing you again and again with a tear soaked face and a smile that hurt his cheeks.

[bangteamhyuk]

Moving On

Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Angst, Producer! Min Yoongi

Warning: mentions of sex, angst, contains heavy argument (One Shot)

Word count: 3,850k

Synopsis: You went back with Yoongi to your old apartment before moving on to the next. While cleaning, fixing, and rummaging all of the things inside, you two began to reminisce your life when you were still building your dreams together. Until he saw his old broken piano, then reality hits the two of you.

“I’m sorry I’m late!” you tried to catch your breath after rushing on to the stairs. Three floors were pretty tough for someone bringing cleaning tools, while hoping not to disappoint the person who was waiting for you for half an hour on the other end.

Yoongi turned around and crouched down a bit to see if you are fine “It’s okay. I’m sure you have reasons” He took the broomstick from your hand and put it together with the big vacuum cleaner he was holding. He paused for a moment and smiled at the sight of a white but clear oval diamond ring you were wearing. Your engagement rings.

You quickly blushed and turned away, flustered at the sight of Yoongi smiling at you. “Bunch of Min residents. Still cracks me up” you chuckled at the stick figure faces of you and Yoongi looking mean as the welcome door mat.

“Yeah, you thought of that” he pulled out the keys from his pocket and unlocked the door.

“But you were the one who drew those faces, Yoongi Matisse” you remarked as you fixed your hair. He scoffed as he put on his hairband.

“Ready to clean our stuff?” he asked. You nodded.

Yoongi went inside first and opened the curtain from the window on the front, giving light inside the studio apartment that were filled with dusts and memories. You followed. You turned around to see cobwebs around the table occupied with pictures, knick-knacks from all the travel you two had been, and even crumpled grocery receipts hidden on the side.

“5 good years huh?” you spoke, brushing your finger on the table to see how much dirt occurred over the years.

“Uhuh, 5 good years, and now we’re ready to move out Y/N” he replied.

“Look if we put the couch on the center, our visitor might think we’re bunch of couch potatoes. First impression last babe” you reasoned, as you sat beside Yoongi on the bare wooden floor of the room.

He shook his head “Y/N, I’m just saying that we needed to be reminded that it’s okay to rest once we get home, that’s why I was thinking that the couch should be there. Besides are we really going to admit and entertain guess here?” he gave you one tough argument that was hard not to consider.

“Ok fine, but what if I’m feeling a little frisky and want to do it while we watch TV? And then a burglar came from the door, right?” you turn to look at him with conviction in your eyes then continued “All I’m trying to say is that, putting it on the center have its disadvantage. Would you want your dick to be seen by a stranger, worse to a voyeur burglar?” you raised your arms and pointed it with your open palms at a non-existent couch against the other side of the empty room.

Yoongi narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth in disgust “I can’t believe hearing this poor argument just to convince me in putting…” he paused then sighed “Fine, let’s put the TV and couch on the right side and the dinner table at the center” he conceded.

“Happy girlfriend equals happy life” you smiled at your victory. Yoongi turned to you and smiled dryly. You chuckled.

“We’re going to build our dreams here…” he spoke softly while staring at the open window in the midst of vacant space between the two of you. You stared at him and lingered for a moment.

“Yes, we will” you smiled, as you turned to stare at the open window as well, filling the bareness of the room with all your hopes and dreams together, as you closed your eyes.

“Achoo!” you sneezed as you open your eyes again, while patting the dusted couch and pulling the cushion seats out. Yoongi was mopping the hardwood floor, while you on the other hand was preparing to vacuum the old couch. Suddenly you saw something, you didn’t expect.

“Ugh Yoongi!” you burst into laughter. “What?” Yoongi quickly went towards you on the old couch as you pulled out something hidden underneath the seat.

“Your dried out condom! Ugh, gross!” you exclaimed as he grinned showing you his gummy smile that you love so dearly “I told you to put them to the trash, every time! Ugh! Good thing I found it before we sell these…” your face turned sour as you held on its tip and quickly tossed it on to the trash bin. “You know what, I think we should hand them over to the cleaners first before selling them. It’s been unused for 2 years…”

“You know for 5 years since we planned to put furniture on our place, I just realized we had a really great time with that couch” he stressed the world ‘really’ which made you blushed immediately, and well a bit annoyed at the same time. “Not once did we had any visitor, not even that voyeur burglar you were talking about” he raised one of his eye brow and smirked.

You quickly pulled out the dusted pillow and threw at him. “What? I’m just saying it wouldn’t matter if we put it on the center or not.” he laughed.

“Okay, Nostradamus. Let’s get back to business. I have book signing to attend to later” you turned your back to continue cleaning the couch while you heard him chuckle once more and resumed to mop the floor.

“What’s this surprise?” you tried to reach out for something, while Yoongi was making sure you can’t see anything through the blindfold.

“Take another two steps to the front. Here. Great. Now! The big reveal!” he slowly opened the blindfold as he showed you his D-I-Y wooden desk situated beside the apartment’s lone window.

“Happy birthday Y/N!” You gasped. “You made these? Even the succulents on the desk?” you hurriedly went to your new work desk and examined everything over and underneath it. You opened one of the drawers and saw a 20-dollar cat design fountain pen you’ve been eyeing for weeks in the department store “Yoongi, thank you!” you held it to your chest.

“Well, I did the wood work but not the succulents. I just..” he scratched the back of his neck. “add that for a little touch, you know, something to ease your stress when writing stories”

You quickly ran up to him for a kiss. “Yoongi, thank you! I love it! I love you!” he grinned.

“Can you kiss me again? Maybe deepen it?” you obliged, but parted for a second. “But if my work space is on the window then… where is yours?” you asked.

He shrugs. “I can stay at our bed. I mean, I’m sure you don’t make much sound when your busy so it’s okay. I just needed a laptop and my guitar to make music” you smiled weakly. “It’s really okay babe, it’s a win-win situation. Look at this way, if you put my workspace near the window, I might include unnecessary noise from the outside. This is great!” he hugged you tight, assuring you that all is well.

“We’ll make our dreams happen in this apartment, you and I” he kissed your forehead, reminding you that you are not alone in this city trying to make it big one day. “I’m here for you always Y/N”

“I’ll always be here for you too Yoongi. We will definitely make it happen” you closed your eyes, and rest your head on his chest. You two stayed like that for a while.

“How much do you think this desk would cost?” you tap the pen on your cheek.

“I deserve a $200 for this!” he pointed at the desk. “It took me a day to figure out how to assemble everything, and I had to scratch each side with a small sandpaper for an hour Y/N! An hour! Just so you wouldn’t get hurt over its sharp edges. So yes, I demand a $200 refund for this!” he raised his eyebrow to show you how much he protests at the thought of not being able to find a just compensation for his hard work.

“But Yoongi, it’s been used for over 3 years and unused for over 2, so expect it has some scratches around and the faint smell of old wood, so $100?” you examined the whole piece, while waiting for Yoongi to agree

He closed his eyes and shook his head “175!”

“150? Last price” you faced him.

“Fine. 150” he sighed, finally agreeing to the unjust price. You then wrote the price on the note pad.

Yoongi crouched down and rummaged through the piles of things on the floor, left untouched for 2 years and saw something familiar.

“Yoongi, what if we include the chair and then we can ask for $200 deal—” you stopped midway as you saw Yoongi pulled out his electric piano, all broken.

“Open the box babe!” you watched him open the huge ribbon and tore out the wrapper on the floor. You went to the table and refilled two glasses with cheap wine.

“Oh babe, you don’t have to” he gently pulled the brand new portable electric piano from the box.

“Happy 3rd anniversary!” you handed over his share of wine. As he pulled you down to where he sat, and you fell on his lap. “Oops, careful the wine might---”  He didn’t even let you finish when he kissed you hard just to show you how grateful he was for the gift.

“Mmm…” you chuckled as you parted from the kiss and turn to the piano. You brushed your fingertips at the piano keys and smile “The greatest song of all time will be made here, in this piano. I’m claiming it!”

He hugged you tight as he rests his chin on your shoulder. “I definitely will. I love you so much!”

“You know, we can still have that fixed and sell it for…”

“No!” he exclaimed sternly. “I’ll keep it” he looked down; a bit embarrassed at his quick reaction.

You looked away, unsure what to say. You thought it was useless to keep something old and broken, but you guess it’s better that way. To let him keep a piece of you, the old you that he once knew.

“Congratulation’s Min Yoongi!” you popped the party pooper from the front door surprising Yoongi.

“Didn’t you see the live steam? The song I produced didn’t won” he closed the door and tossed the key to table.

“Doesn’t matter, the real winner is at home now! Yay!” you blew the party horn from his side, playfully tickling his ears. He brushed it down and pulled himself away, clearly annoyed.

You followed him still “It was great! The KMA failed to recognize it this year, who knows the next song you produ--- ”

“I don’t care about next year, or the next, and the next after that! It’s been 3 years, Y/N. 3 years since we’ve moved here and where has it gotten us? Nowhere!” he snapped.

You opened your mouth but quickly withdrew as you knew that saying anything further might make him more upset. “Baby, I…” you pulled him for a hug and gently stroke his back. “I understand how frustrated you are…” he shook his head and gently stepped away.

“No, you don’t. It’s easy for you to say, having a stable office job while you write as a hobby. But I only know how to produce music, it’s the only job I know! You don’t get to know, because you don’t have to rely for an award to know how good or shitty your stories are!” he snapped in anger.

You bit your lips and tried to process the situation, hoping you’ll say something to make him feel okay “Yoongi, I’m sorry that I don’t get to know that, but you know that I didn’t have much choice, but if I could I wanted to write full-time and you know that… We needed something on our table and---”

“So, it’s my fault now? That doing pizza delivery as part-time is not enough?” he didn’t even let you finished.

“I’m not saying that!” you finally cried, as you wiped your eyes with the back of your hands in frustration.

“Well then, tell me what? Because I find it hard to convince myself that it is not what you meant” he gave a sarcastic chuckle.

“Yoongi, why are we doing this? I’m just trying to help. Didn’t you say we’re going to make our dreams come true in this city, in this place, together!?”

“Well, you’re not helping, and clearly it isn’t happening.” He looked away as he took the opened bottle of wine you left on the table and chugged on it.

You looked to the ceiling and let out a long sigh “You know, I tried. For 3 years…” you nodded to yourself as you stared at the ceiling for a moment then at Yoongi. “I’ve seen you struggled. I’ve seen you succeed. I’ve seen you at your best and your worst. I saw you strive hard than anyone can in making songs, several of it! It was great, and I’m not just saying it because you’re my boyfriend but because I believe in you Yoongi. I believe in you, because I love you. I trust you no matter what, I trust that you’ll make it happen… Make US happen!” you paused.

“…But the way that’s been going lately? The way you pushed me aside, not wanting to talk things over. Having more arguments with you each day. Aren’t you tired? Instead of growing together, we’re just…growing apart!” you continued, shutting your eyes to the cold reality. You took a deep breath and pulled a glass from the kitchen sink and filled it water. You drank a glass full of it, hoping it’ll drown down the pain. He fell silent.

“You know what? Let’s…” you sighed at the thought “Break-up” you took your spare key and your bag hanging from the wall.

“Fine, leave!” he hit something aimlessly and heard a shriek of mismatched melody from the electric piano. You turned your back to see it, the electric piano you bought for him, broken and damaged. Like the way you and Yoongi are…

Silence.

You cleared your throat and began writing notes on your pad.

“When’s the wedding?” he turned to you while you sat a far from him.

“Next year, June 1st” you replied softly, resisting to look his way.

“Park Jimin’s a good guy…” he smiled weakly.

“He is.” You nodded. Then silence.

The only thing that broke the monotony of stillness between you and Yoongi within those four walls, was the sudden sound of a person knocking on the door from the other side. Yoongi slowly stood up, and went to the door to open and see who it was.

“Well, speak of the devil” he bit his lip and smiled at him. He wasn’t bitter or anything, in fact his smile was sincere after seeing what was in front of him, a genuine smile from you upon seeing the person you love, even if it was not him any longer.

He thought how bittersweet it was, to be someone looking through a window from the outside looking in, because he once knew what it feels like to be the source of your happiness. That smile he vividly recalls, even when he closed his eyes. Every outline, every mole, everything about you, he commits to memory even now that you’re gone.

“Are you ready for your book signing love?” Jimin chuckled.

“Did you get me food on the way?” you narrowed your prying eyes towards Jimin

He nodded “Cheeseburger with double patties, no onions but with extra pickles” he tilts his head to have you scoot over to his side.

You grinned, as you took your purse and ran towards Jimin. “See you tomorrow then? For the contract signing with Mrs. Song?” you turned your back to remind Yoongi.

Yoongi nods. “This apartment is already sold, so we just need our signatures to seal all deals”

“Mm, well, thanks. Congratulations by the way for winning KMA and MAMA for 2 consecutive years” you smiled.

“Well, the performer has a big participation to it too” he turned towards Jimin, as he shyly smiled and shook his head. “Hyung, really it’s the best music of all time!”

He raised his shoulder and looked at the dusted piano left on the floor “Not nearly, no…”

“Guess we’ll see each other around?” Jimin smiled as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Yeah, see you” Yoongi smiled and watched you two leave.

Jimin helped you with your seatbelt as he pulled out something from the backseat.

“Iced Café Latte with grainy sugar for my beloved fiancé” he handed out

“How come you always knew the perfect time I want my coffee?” he shrugs.

“I’ve gotten some information” he winks at you and started the engine.

“Hyung, there you are. I’ve been looking for you” Jimin sat beside Yoongi under a cherry blossom outside their music studio office.

“It’s break time and it’s spring, when can I have my peace?” he turned away, looking annoyed.

“Well, I’ve been thinking if we can add more lyrics to this verse? And…” Yoongi’s phone suddenly rang to notify a text, as Jimin’s eyes widened when he saw his phone glow, displaying a photo of you that Yoongi took when you two were still together. “You know Y/N?”

“Yeah, why?” Yoongi tilt his head, clearly confused as to why Jimin knew who you are.

“But he’s my girlfriend, hyung!” he stood up, almost as if ready to fight.

“Well, um, this awkward” he squint his eyes, unbothered at Jimin’s reaction “I didn’t know really that you are…” he opened his mouth then withdrew, finding words how to explain the situation “I don’t know how to say this to you but, he’s my ex”

The two of them, chatted for a while, agreeing on things that annoys Jimin and the things you used to annoy Yoongi.

“Do you still love her?” Jimin turned to Yoongi, his face sullen, hoping that he would like to hear Yoongi’s answer from his query.

He breathed hard “You know kid, you’ll never stop loving a person even if they’re gone. Even if you were left by time, leaving you to oblivion, making you a faint memory from that person. You just don’t” he took his coffee from the vending machine that was sitting on his side and drank before he continued.

“But that doesn’t mean you want that person to be there for you forever. Knowing that she’s happy, well even more happy without me by his side, that’s more than enough. Isn’t that what love is supposed to be? Even when it doesn’t feel like romance, it changes into something, something that transcends beyond it. I can’t explain kid, but you’ll understand it someday” he turned to Jimin, hoping he didn’t touch a nerve that would make him angry.

“I really love her, hyung. My manager’s pretty upset about this whole relationship situation but I couldn’t care anymore. If they find out about us or not, I don’t care!  I’d rather admit the truth than deny and hurt her, she doesn’t deserve that. I just, I feel like she’s the one even when she’s moody and all” Jimin shyly confessed.

Yoongi nods “Jimin, you should know several things so you could avoid argument with Y/N. First, of all never underestimate her love for coffee. Never.” He straightened his palm to emphasize his statement.

“She loves coffee first thing in the morning, do not talk to her without her having a coffee yet, under any circumstance. Well, unless you don’t want a great day ahead of you, you could, but I do not recommend it all. Speaking of coffee, she would want one after having a stressful day or any stressful situation she was in. But this is important, take note, she likes sweet coffee and bitter ones on the morning.”

Jimin listened to him attentively as Yoongi continued “If she writes story, she’ll want you to read it from start to end. Do it and be honest, she hates mediocre comments so you have to be tedious about reading it. She loves it when you ask, so that’s a tip. If you fail to read everything, you can ask her. Oh, but be careful about your questions, because she’ll know when you didn’t read it all and she’ll be really upset”

Yoongi chuckled upon remembering how you love to eat unlimited BBQs “She also loves meat, like seriously a lot! So treat her to BBQs every often or else she’ll get moody for a month. She’s a heavy drinker too, so ready your liver and try to keep up with her. And lastly, never end the day without telling her how you truly feel, she’ll appreciate it, whatever it is that’s on your mind tell her. I can see the way she looks at you in that picture” he peered through Jimin’s phone on the side which was glowing due to several notifications “because that was how she used to look at me too. I bet she’ll understand you. She now loves you Jimin.”

It was already night time when Yoongi finished cleaning the room and putting everything that you two wanted to sell inside a big box. Yoongi looks at the broken piano and stared at it for a moment “I guess the greatest song of all time were never made” he stood up, picked it up and took it with him, as walked towards the door way.

He looked at the empty room, one last time “This place still smells like us, let’s not forget this scent wherever we are” he spoke softly to himself and turned the lights off.

He closed the door and saw the doormat again.

“Bunch of Min residents” you drew on the doormat. He chuckled “That’s pretty witty, wait let me add a little touch” he took the marker from you and drew your faces which made you two laughed even harder.

“This is a masterpiece! We need everyone to see this!” you quickly went to the door and put it on the entryway.

Yoongi smiled as he watched you from the couch and sighed at the thought of wanting to be with you forever. He just knew from that moment on you were the one.

He rolled the mat from the floor and tossed it to the nearest trash bin.

He knew it was too late for regrets, but at the same time he knew it was for the better. Whatever happened in the past brought you two to where you are all supposed to be now: Happy, contented but apart.

All the memories, your hopes and dreams that you two shared together, are now gone. Cleaned to make room for another one.

He looked at the door and smiled weakly “Ijen, Annyeong (Goodbye now)” and left.

Let’s move Goodbye to this place, that we grew attached to Let’s move Now to a higher place While taking the last box out of the empty room I looked back for a moment Times we cried and laughed Goodbye now

Moving On- BTS

A/N: Hi! Thank you so much for getting here. Hope you’ll also like the spin-off series for this: Seesaw (Teaser)

[sgtbradfords]

Love your writing. It is keeping me sane during these tough times.

Here is a prompt for you.

“You love me right”

Thanks a bunch-

My muse really appreciates you for this prompt anon, so thank you and enjoy!! :)

Tim Bradford’s night had started out like most others, the nightlife of the city coming to life as the sun set. The Mid-Wilshire division of the LAPD, like countless other departments has its fair share of regulars that would be brought in often. And as the Sergeant of the nightshift, he knew most of them by name.

“Good evening Carmella.” He said to the woman that was standing scantily clad at the counter, waiting to be booked.

The woman smirked. “Sergeant Bradford. Don’t you ever take a day off?”

Tim rolled his eyes. “What’d you do this time?”

“Some asshat refused to pay so, I gave him the special and the man had the nerve to call the cops on me!”

“So, assault and battery?”

“He had it coming! He was too handsy anyways.”

Tim turned his body, talking to the officer at the counter. “Make sure you get Alex down here to search her.” He instructed before his eyes glanced over the three holding cells, noticing the familiar figure sleeping on the bench. “Is that Rambling Randy?”

The officer nodded. “Yeah, they picked him up off Cornerstone about an hour ago.”

“Damn, I thought he would stay sober this time.”

“Today’s the anniversary.”

Tim nodded in understanding. “Get him sober and cut him loose. I’m laying off the paperwork for a few, heading out on the beat. Be back in an hour.”

He left holding, making his way to pick up a war bag and the camera for his vest, attaching it to its clip before grabbing a keyring off one of the small hooks on the wall, making his way out the side door that connected to the garage that held the shops.

Tim had been driving the streets, stopping at a drive-thru to grab a late-night snack, the traffic on the radio strangely quiet for a Saturday night but he was not one to question the rare night that the gods above had gifted them, and never one to stir the proverbial black kettle that held what could be brewing.

He kept the FM radio in the shop low, his thumb tapping the steering wheel to the low beat of a song he had not heard in years, as he kept a look out of his surroundings for anything that might warrant being investigated. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, he found himself sitting behind a car at a red light, his left hand on the wheel as the fingers of his right hand punched in the tag of the car in front of him, running the metal plate through the system.

“Stolen.” He muttered under his breath as the hit came back, his right hand reached forward, grabbing the mic off the dash. “7-Adam-19 to dispatch, show me out, 10851 with a red in color Nissan Altima at the corner of Reef and Franklin, license plate number 8-Bravo-Lima-5-8-Victor-1. Requesting backup at my 20.”

‘Dispatch show 07 attached to 19’s traffic, be there in two.’ came Nyla Harper’s voice over his radio.

Tim flipped the switch on the center console, lighting the car up as the red light switched to green. The car staying motionless, the driver’s foot still on the break as Tim hit the button for one of the squall sirens.

He let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes as he threw the shop into park, opening the door to step out of the car to tell the driver to move the car to a safer location, his right hand immediately settling on his gun. He never got the door of the shop closed when the driver of the car stepped out. Tim flung his body back behind the reenforced door, drawing his gun, positioning it in the opening between the door and the body of the car. “Driver! Return to your vehicle.”

Tim could see the person brandishing the weapon in his hand, raising the gun before Tim had the chance to control the situation. The rapid succession of nine shots echoed off the surrounding brick and block buildings as Tim returned fire, bullets ejecting to his right, empty brass hitting the pavement as he fired continuous rounds, the driver retreating to their car.

He wanted to pursue, but as he made the move to climb into the shop intense pain overtook him as he gritted his teeth, his body falling in slow motion as he harshly hit the asphalt below, the sound of a car door slamming and tires squealing ahead reverberated in his skull as nonstop pain began coursing through his body over the adrenaline and shock. Tim could feel the pain blossoming from different parts of his upper body as he held a shaking left hand to the pit of his right arm, applying pressure, blood spewing from his mouth, trailing down his chin as he felt the strong urge to cough. He held his hand to his side as he forced himself to pull his body towards the back tire of the shop, groaning at the movement. He let go of wound, bloody fingers reaching for the handheld on his waist, his finger slipping as he pressed the button on the side.

“19. Shots fired. Officer down.” He said into the radio, gasping for air as he let it fall out of his hand. He ran his hand over his forehead, his fingers feeling something slick, as his heart began beating as though it was about to burst through his chest, bringing his fingers to the front of his face, focusing his eyes on the dark red liquid. He began mumbling to himself, the taste of copper slicking his lips. He knew he needed to keep pressure on at least one of the wounds, opting for the more severe of the two wounds he knew of, moving his left hand back to his right side, the distant sounds of fast paced voices coming from the handheld swirled in his head making him dizzy.

“Bradford!” he heard a voice yell as someone shook his shoulders, slapping his face before intense pressure on his right side made him cry out in pain.  “He’s lost a lot of blood, in and out of consciousness.”

“Where’s the damn ambulance! Come on Tim, stay with me!”

Tim groaned as the pain and blood loss became too much, his mind slipping into unconsciousness.

Lucy Chen had called it an early evening after having what was a rough day. The calls were endless and the people problematic. When she walked through her apartment door at twenty minutes after six that evening, she had already ordered takeout, not in the mood to fix the tacos she had planned. She poured herself a large glass of red wine before the food was delivered and ate the meal in peace, all the while watching trashy yet entertaining reality television.

Once finished with her takeout, she placed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, locked up the apartment and padded to her bathroom, throwing in a bath bomb and bubble bath into the tub, filling the bathtub with hot water, willing herself to relax and let go as she soaked. When the water began turning cold and her fingers welted into prunes, she pulled the plug, letting the water out as she stepped out and dried off, going about her nightly routine.

Lucy threw the covers back before climbing into bed, laying her head down on her pillow, throwing the thin covering and weighted blanket over her body as she settled in for night. She checked her phone once more, sending off a few text messages before she placed the charging phone back onto the nightstand. She fluffed and adjusted her pillows one more time, before she closed her eyes and got comfortable.

She jolted awake, feeling like she had just fallen asleep as she looked for what woke her. The constant buzzing of her phone on the nightstand making her groan as the noise stopped before it started vibrating again. Her heart raced as she fumbled for the phone, not looking at the caller as she threw back the covers.

“Chen.” She sleepily answered.

Jackson West hesitated before speaking from the other end. “Lucy…”

“What happened?” she asked as she stood, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she reached for the pants at the foot of the bed.

“It’s Bradford.” He said before clearing his throat. “He’s been shot.”

Lucy stopped in her tracks, her pants pulled up around her knees, her phone slipping from its hold, falling to the plush carpet as her heart stopped in her chest.

She couldn’t have heard him right. Her hand shook as she bent over, picking up the device.

“Lucy! Lucy, are you there?”

“Jackson?”

“Lucy, I’m on my way to pick you up.”

Lucy felt her bottom lip tremble. “How bad?” she whispered, quickly continuing her mission of getting dressed with shaky hands.

The other end of the phone was silent as Jackson thought of what to tell her. He had been on scene, only as they were loading him into the back of an ambulance.

“It’s not looking good.” He decided on the truth as he pulled his shop into the parking lot for their apartment.

“Fuck.” Cursed Lucy as she hung up the phone, sliding the device into her pants pocket. She tried to hold back her emotions, her body trembling at the overwhelming need to cry, as sobs began wracking her body. She never heard Jackson enter the apartment, his voice echoing off the walls as he quickly ran to his roommate’s room.

“Lucy. Lucy come on, we’ll head to the hospital.” He said as he walked over to the bed. Lucy got to her feet, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand before she moved to the corner of the room, grabbing a pair of slip-ons, sliding them onto her feet.

The two quickly made their way back outside, jumping back into Jackson’s waiting shop.

“What happened?” she asked sniffling as she chastised herself, ‘You’ve had your sob fest Lucy now it’s time to suck it up.’

Jackson steered the car out of the lot, flipping the switch for the lights. ‘Rules and regulations be damned.’ He thought as he cautiously went through a red light, checking both ways as he proceeded through.

“He ran a plate at a stop light and it came back stolen, requested back-up, Nyla checked in but was two minutes out. Next thing we know he was screaming over the radio that shots had been fired and he was down.”

“And the person that shot him?”

“Ran. I’m sorry Lucy, they’ve put out a BOLO and everything.” He said as he flipped the top of his laptop up, punching in his login.

Lucy turned the console towards her, scrolling through the list of active calls, finding the script of the BOLO being broadcasted throughout Los Angeles and the surrounding counties. She read it over, taking in all the details that she could as Jackson got them to the hospital.

“He’s going to be ok Lucy.”

She did not know why Jackson was trying to convince herself of that. They were just friends, close friends, her former training officer, but nothing more. Though, it was Tim, the most strong-willed person she knew. Lucy kept her thoughts to herself, knowing if she opened her mouth, something she didn’t want to admit may force its way out and that was something she could not handle at the time.

Instead, she looked out the windshield, watching as everything outside passed by in a blur before she found the car being turned into the ambulance bay of the hospital, Lucy opening her door before Jackson had the chance to put the shop into park. She ran through the automatic doors, straight to the admittance desk.

“Sergeant Tim Bradford, he was brought in with multiple GSWs.”

The nurse behind the desk briefly glanced at Lucy before returning to the chart in her hand.

“You’ll have to wait in the waiting room Miss.”

Lucy’s mouth opened in disbelief before coming up with a lie on the spot as Jackson joined her side. “He’s my former partner and fiancée, please.”

The woman looked at her with sympathy as she stood up from the desk, walking out from behind. “Ms.?”

“Chen. Lucy Chen.”

“Ms. Chen, you can wait in the surgical waiting room on the third floor, but I cannot let you see him, they’ve already got him prepped and being moved.”

“He’s being taken to surgery?”

“Yes. If you will give me just a second, I can contact Dr. Follari and let his scrub nurse know that you’re here, hopefully one of them can tell you more about his injuries before they begin.”

Lucy nodded in appreciation. “Thank you.”

“Why don’t you two round up the others and head on up there, I will make sure they know you’re here.” She said as she picked up the phone on the desk.

Lucy made her way to the elevators down the hall as Jackson rounded up Nyla and the other officers who escorted the ambulance in.

The officer made it to the waiting area, pacing a trail in front of the secure wooden doors that led to the operating rooms, her pacing coming to a halt as the doors opened.

“Ms. Chen? I’m Tiffany Higdon, Dr. Follari’s scrub nurse. Would you care to sit?” the woman dressed in green scrubs, a mask hanging from around her neck and a light blue surgical cap covering her head asked, extending a hand towards the row of empty chairs.

“I don’t think I can sit right now.”

“Understandable. I will try to come out and give updates when I can, but Sergeant Bradford is facing a very long couple of hours.”

“What are his injuries?”

“He was shot three times. His vest caught one of the bullets, X-ray showed two cracked ribs on his lower right side. Another one grazed the side of his head, luckily, he just needed stitches for that one. But the one of most concern missed his vest, striking him in the upper right quadrant, just below his armpit. While treating him in the field they found that the bullet had stuck his lung, causing it to collapse, they inserted a chest tube before stabilizing him for transport. But when he went through the CAT scan, we found it also hit is spleen and a small part of his intestines.”

“Ok.” Lucy whispered. “And his chances?”

“Are promising. Dr. Follari is doing everything he can for your fiancée Ms. Chen.”

“How long they expecting the surgery to take?” Nyla asked from Lucy’s left side, Lucy giving the senior officer an appreciate nod.

“Three to four hours, give or take. Once he is stable and sewed up, we will move him to the ICU for a few days to monitor his healing and if he shows improvement then we will move him to a normal room.”

“How long till he’s back in the field? He’ll be wanting up and out as soon as he wakes up.”

“That all depends on him and Dr. Follari. I’ve seen patients recover from these injuries in four months or take three times as long. I’m no doctor but if he is that dedicated, I would say Sergeant Bradford could return to desk duty in fourteen to sixteen weeks. Now, I really must get back unless you have any other questions?” informed the scrub nurse.

“Not right now, no.”

“I’ll try to come back and give you an update when were halfway through and Dr. Follari always keeps his patients families update after the surgery and moving forward. If anyone was to work on my husband, I would want him.”

Lucy nodded her head as the nurse scanned her card for re-entry. Taking in a shaky breath before turning around to face her brothers and sisters in blue.

“Chen!” Yelled Angela Lopez as she stepped off the elevator, pushing past the others in the hall. “I got here as soon as I heard. Tim, is he ok?”

Lucy stared ahead, “No.”

Angela’s tear-filled eyes grew wide. “He’s not de-“

“No.” she said quietly. “He’s- he’s in surgery. It’s not- it doesn’t-“

“How’d you find this out? Normally they only talk to family.”

Lucy laughed somberly as she shrugged. “I lied and told them I was his fiancée. I mean we are his family, the only family he’s got.”

“He’ll be fine. He is Tim Bradford after all.” Nyla told the small group in confidence. “Come on West, we’re still on duty and someone out there has to track down the son of a bitch.”

Angela, Nyla and Jackson exchanged a look before the two still on duty made their way to the elevator. Lucy fell back into one of the vinyl navy chairs that sat around the room.

“How bad is it Lucy?” Angela asked, taking a seat next to her friend.

“He took three hits. One caught his vest, another grazed his head and the last… they said it hit his lung, among other things.”

“Damn.”

“Recovery is a minimum of four months which he is going to love.” She said, rolling her eyes.

The two sat in the uncomfortable chairs, Lucy asking about Angela’s baby, both the women talking about things happening in the department when Captain Wade Grey stepped off the elevator in his plain clothes, walking into the waiting room. Both women stood up as the commanding officer spoke.

“Has anyone spoken to the doctor?”

“No sir, the scrub nurse came right after they took him back.”

“What are his injuries?”

Lucy relayed to him the extent of her former training officers’ injuries and likely recover time, the Captain cursing under his breath.

“Bradford managed to fire off twelve rounds, based on the casings found by his shop. Unclear, if he hit the person but no one has showed up at any of the hospitals. Detectives have taken the dash cam footage and were on their way here to get his body camera.”

“Good. That’s good right?”

“It would be if the car wasn’t reported stolen and they weren’t in gang territory. Odds are the car’s been ditched somewhere or at a chop shop and the shooter will remain at large.”

“But it might not be gang related.”

Angela spoke up. “Once we review the footage from both cameras, then we can get a better idea of who and build a portfolio for another BOLO.”

They sat in silence, time passing as the occasional call over the intercom and noise from down the hall made its way to where they sat. Angela had just stood, asking if anyone wanted something to drink when the ringing of Captain Grey’s phone echoed through the room.

“Grey. Understood, I’m on my way.” He said into his phone, standing. “That was Detective Hall, there’s been a GSW matching the description of our shooter show up at Shaw Memorial. It may be nothing.”

Lucy’s pulse quickened. “Or it could be something.”

Wade nodded. “I’m going to go check in to it. Detective Lopez, keep me updated?”

“Yes sir.”

Six hours later Tim was stitched and sewed, laying on a hospital bed in the intensive care unit. Lucy had left the room to grab something to eat and drink from the store in the cafeteria, leaving Angela to sit at his bedside.

“You better be ok Bradford.” She said, talking to the unconscious man. “If not for me, then for her.”

Angela took in the things she could see, the bandage on the side of his head, covering his new scar, his hair cut to military precision. The paleness of his skin and dark bags under his eyes, contrasting each other. The machinery causing various noises, the heart monitor consistently beeping, showing signs of life, the ventilator running oxygen from the machine to his lungs via the tube secured to his face.

“You’ve never been hurt this bad and it scares the shit out of me. But you’re Tim and you will get through this.”

Angela sat at his bedside, talking about the most random of things, when an alarm went off, the Detective noticing the heartrate on the monitor spiking. Two nurses came running into the room as she jumped to her feet, moving out of the way.

“Tim? Bradford, can you hear me?”

Tim could hear a familiar voice speak through the thick fog he had in his head, the voice he knew to be so calm was anything but as it sounded miles away. He so desperately wanted to speak but before he could try, he felt himself unable to fight to stay awake as he was pulled back under.

Angela felt hopeless as she stood back against the wall, watching the two nurses that had rushed in as they adjusted the pump attached to the IV pole and checked his vitals.

“He’s showing signs of coming around, but Dr. Follari wants to leave him on life support for the rest of the day to give his lungs more time to adjust. We will continue to keep him sedated but we should be able to take him off the machine tomorrow.”

“And being on life support, he’s ok?”

The nurse smiled. “He is, his vitals are fine, the machine is just taking some stress off his body.”

Angela nodded as Lucy walked back in holding two coffees, immediately noticing the two nurses. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, they were just checking his vitals.”

Lucy gave her a dubious look as she handed over one of the coffees but said nothing as she sat down in the window, watching the glow of the city below as the night began to turn to day.

They took turns, making sure someone was always there, whether it was sitting by his bed filling out reports, feeding a baby, scrolling through social media, or playing cards, the shifts would alternate between the close group of friends. Jackson and Nyla both came in after shift the morning after. Jackson dragging a struggling Lucy away for a few hours of sleep at their apartment as Nyla pushed Angela out the door to go check on her baby. Angela came back later that afternoon, a baby in tow until John relieved her that evening. Jackson bringing back a partially refreshed Lucy, releasing John to go on shift, as the two roommates stayed the night.

The next morning Dr. Follari came by for his morning rounds, checking on who he liked to call his ‘most stubborn patient’, the good doctor having checked in on them several times day over the past forty-eight hours.

“I think he’s ready to come off life support.” He said as he pulled his stethoscope away and checked the bandage on his side. “We’ve gradually been decreasing the sedative and he’s responding well.”

Lucy smiled as they removed the tube from down his throat, moving his bed from the reclined position he had been in to more of an incline position, sitting him up.

“It will be a few hours before he comes around, even then it will likely be short-term as his body begins to readjust from being under for so long. In the meantime, we will move him out of the ICU and to another room.”

Lucy quickly sent out a message on the group text as the Doctor walked out of the room, keeping the ones not present aware of the good news. The group of officers unanimously making the decision to gather tonight, even if it was only for a few minutes as to not overwhelm their friend.

Tim did come around for a minute, enough to inconspicuously take in his surroundings before deciding it was safe, falling back asleep.

The rest of the day moved by at a snail’s pace, two orderly’s moving Tim down a floor, to a new room as Lucy and Jackson quickly gathered all the odds and ends in Tim’s old room, transferring the belongings that had made their way into the hospital.

“Rummy on the board!” Lucy yelled, gloating as John pouted. She pulled the card out of the discard pile, placing it with her matches. “Looks like you might need to get a pair of focals old man. Don’t worry my dad has to wear them too.”

“That’s not fair Lucy. You can’t call rummy when I haven’t laid down a card!”

“Life’s not fair Nolan.” Nyla said from her spot in the window, where she sat scrolling through her phone.

“You’re just taking her side because she paid for lunch.” Pointed out John.

“Touché.”

Lucy’s mouth fell open in shock. “See if I buy you two lunch again.”

They both shrugged as Angela and Wesley walked through the door, one carrying grocery bags of takeout, the other a baby carrier, Jackson following close behind.

“What’d we miss?” Angela asked, setting the carrier down onto the bed, careful not to hit Tim’s leg.

“About ten hands of Rummy. Did you bring food?”

“In the bag. Who won?”

“Chen beat Nolan seven out of ten, though she cheated, she always does.” A scratchy voice spoke from the bed. “Oh, and Harper is a sore loser.”

“Am not!” she defended.

Tim cracked an eye open. “You quit after three hands.”

Nyla glared before breaking out into a grin.

“So, who died?” he asked, opening both eyes, looking around the room. Everyone around the room let out a chuckle at his attempt at humor in the situation, Wesley handing him a cup of water which he greedily took, taking sips of the cold liquid. “No seriously, someone fill me in here cause everything up here,” he said grimacing as he attempted to lift his right arm, failing to do so. “up there, is a little foggy.”

“What do you remember?” Angela asked, removing the sleeping infant from their carrier, placing the child on her shoulder as Jackson began digging into the takeout bags of food, divvying everyone their order.

Tim closed his eyes, trying to push away the fog that still lingered. “Traffic stop. Suspect wasn’t moving the car out of the road after I lit them up so, I got out to see what the holdup was.” He recalled, before opening his eyes. “It all happened fast.”

“Don’t try to remember right now, you’ve got time. Hall will be by in the morning to take your statement.”

“Have they at least caught the guy?”

Angela smiled. “They did, this morning. Someone almost hit him with the shop.”

The group turned, looking at Nyla who shrugged. “He was running away and well, driving is faster.”

“Thanks Harper.” He nodded, a bad move he realized, grimacing once again, this time at the uncomfortable twinge of skin coming from above his right ear. “So, how bad did they slice and dice me?”

“Three hits.” Lucy softly spoke from the side of the bed. “Vest took one, gave you some cracked ribs. Head took a graze, you have sixteen stiches above your right ear and a new haircut. The worst missed your vest, hitting your lung and spleen.”

Tim’s face dropped. “Damn.”

“You scared the shit out us Bradford.”

“Yeah well, being shot isn’t all shits and giggles.”

The group ate, bringing Tim up to speed on the things he had missed as a nurse came in to check on him, glad to find him alert and oriented before she left to notify Dr. Follari.

The group slowly filed out, one by one, making sure Tim knew they would be back by tomorrow. Nyla leaving to pick up Lila, Jackson leaving to meet Sterling, and John leaving due to an early shift the next day, leaving Wesley, Angela, and Lucy in the room as Tim found himself cuddling his favorite and only godchild in his good arm. But soon the infant started becoming restless, being thrown off their routine, the family knew it was time to leave.

“So, boot,” he sighed, embracing the silence of the room as he closed his eyes. “what’d I miss?”

Lucy stared at the man in front of her as she took in a deep breath. “I thought I almost lost you.” Lucy quietly confessed, her hand reaching for his that was laying on the bed before she found herself jumping at the loud knock on the wooden door before it opened once again.

“I hear that my most popular patient is awake.” Dr. Follari said with a smile as he walked into the room, rubbing his hands together, spreading the foam hand sanitizer from the hall.

“Doctor Frankenstein I assume?”

The doctor let out a laugh as he walked over to his bedside. “Not quite, I’m Doctor Follari. How are we feeling Mr. Bradford?”

Tim sighed, taking in as deep a breath that he could. “As good as new I guess.”

“Now, Sergeant Bradford tell me the truth and nothing but the truth.”

“Ha.” Tim glared. “Fine. Everything from the chest up hurts some parts more than others.”

“We’ve been managing your morphine for you, but you will find a switch on the rail that will allow you a certain amount of medicine every couple of hours, hit the button and it will release a dosage to help with the pain.”

“I won’t need it.” He said exasperatedly as Lucy glared at her former training officer. “Often.”

“You will be in control of your pain management, but based on everything you’re telling me, you would be better off using it, at least for the next day or so. Your body has just been through a traumatic experience, it needs to heal and for that to happen you need to rest. Tell me Tim, have you ever had a major surgery like what you just had?”

“Yes.”

“Really?” the doctor said curiously. “It wasn’t in your file.”

“Afghanistan.”

The doctor nodded. “I see. Then, you understand what the coming months will look like.”

“Unfortunately.” He grumbled. “How long will I be out of work?”

“If your recuperation goes well, I will say four and a half months, minimum. And that’s only for desk duty, not field work.”

“And how long will I have to be here?”

“At least two more days, you are running a low-grade fever, so I do not want to take the chances of an infection. Speaking of, I am going to put a limit on how many people can stop by until tomorrow afternoon. Your fiancée is more than welcome to stay but please let the others know that you are not allowed visitors until further notice. Now, let’s check out my handiwork.”

Tim gave Dr. Follari a confused look before glancing at Lucy who had the look of ‘just go with it’ on her face. “Right.” He drew out the word. “How long till I can call my plastic surgeon?”

Lucy rolled her eyes as the Doctor laughed as he moved back Tim’s gown. “Unfortunately, this is not Hollywood.”

Lucy stood to her feet blushing. “I’ll umm… I’ll be back.” She said, walking out of the room.

Twenty minutes later, she walked back in finding Tim attempting to get out of the bed, his legs hanging off as he fumbled with the remote for the TV across the room, flipping through the stations.

“And just what are you doing?” she asked, rushing over.

“I need to get up, there’s things to do, honey.”

“Oh, don’t you honey me babe. Get back in the bed Tim.”

“I knew you always wanted to get me into bed boot.” He challenged.

Lucy blushed as she glared at him. “Not only are you a fall risk, but you also just had major surgery. And, you almost fucking died. So yes, Tim Bradford, you’re going to get your legs back in that bed and you are going to rest, at least for tonight.”

“You make it sound like I’m old Luce.” He joked as he gingerly brought his legs back up, Lucy covering them up. “Look, they gave me socks.” He said, wiggling his toes.

“Did you max out your pain meds?”

“Maybe.” He said wiggling his eyebrows.

Lucy rolled her eyes “You’re cute.”

Tim glared as Lucy pulled out her phone, sending Dr. Follari’s update to the group chat. “I am not cute. If that’s Angela, tell her to bring me some clothes. And Chen?”

Lucy looked up briefly. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” He whispered.

Lucy lifted her head quickly, placing her phone on the table. “It’s ok. Payback, right?”

“No, it’s not ok.” He told her. “You love me, right?”

Lucy looked away, biting her lip. Maybe Tim on pain medication was more of a curse than a blessing.

“Lucy?”

Lucy cleared her throat before turning her head back towards him, staring him in the eyes as she talked. “Probably more than I should.”

Tim gave her a droopy smile, extending his right hand as far as his pain would allow. “Good. Then no more stupid shit on the job, for either of us.”

Lucy took his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “It’s what we signed up for. But you were not the one to pull the trigger on yourself Tim, none of this is your fault. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“It is, I should have stayed in the shop and told him to move his ass with the PA.”

Lucy, sensing that he was not about to let this go, strung him along. “Fine. Then by the way you look at things, Caleb taking me was my fault.”

Tim’s tired eyes grew wide. “No! What he did-“

“It was my fault that I wasn’t paying attention to my drink. It was my fault I let myself be drugged.”

“Lucy, that’s not what I’m-“

“No Tim, it is. You sitting here blaming yourself for something you cannot control, is no different than me blaming myself for being drugged and buried by that sociopath.”

Tim stared ahead at the wall in front of him, time passing as he thought about what she was saying. “You’re right. I need to blame him. But, I have to blame myself.”

“I know.” She whispered, running a thumb over his knuckles. “It’s easier that way.”

Tim turned his head. “Can you come around the bed?”

Lucy looked at his quizzically, letting go of his hand as she stood, walking around the bed.

“Sit down, kick off your shoes.” He told her softly. Lucy noticed he had moved over, closer to the right side of the bed, realizing what he was wanting her to do. She moved towards the door, flipping the switch on the wall as the room grew darker than before, save for the light above the bed. She crossed back to the bed, taking a seat on the edge, toeing off her shoes before she laid down on the bed beside him.

“You can’t be comfortable.” She said as she took his left hand, holding it with her right as she carefully moved, cuddling into his side.

“I’m fine Luce.” He told her, his eyes feeling heavy as the hours he had been awake caught up with him. He moved his head down, pain be damned as he placed a lingering kiss to the top of her head. “A little hungry if I’m being honest but I can’t eat until in the morning.”

“Ok.” She whispered. “You’d tell me if you weren’t, right? Just push me out if the bed if it-“

“Get some sleep boot.” He mumbled, smiling as he closed his eyes, sleep coming easily.

Nurses coming in and out through the night woke Lucy up, unable to turn off the ‘always watch your surroundings’ part of her training as Tim stayed asleep, the large dose of pain meds keeping him asleep. Though she woke often, she never strayed from his side.

“Morning.” He mumbled, opening his eyes. “What time is it?”

Lucy, who he noticed had changed clothes, was back in the chair beside the bed. “A few past eight.” She told him standing, putting the book in her hand onto the table as she moved to the windowsill.

“Is that a word search book Chen? And you call Nolan old.” Teased Tim.

Lucy turned around, raising the bag now in her hand. “I could keep this bag of clothes over here and not give them to you.”

“Angela brought me clothes?” He asked, his face lighting up.

“I met her downstairs on her way in an hour ago.” She told him, bringing the bag over to the bed so he could choose what to wear. “Let me go get a nurse.”

“I don’t need a nurse. I think I can change clothes by myself.”

Lucy looked away blushing. “You have a catheter.”

“Oh.” He said, realizing he had forgotten that particular detail. “Yeah umm, can you go get a nurse please?”

Lucy nodded, leaving the room, a nurse coming in a few minutes after. She removed the catheter, before helping him change into the more comfortable clothing Angela had brought, careful as they worked around his injuries and the tubes still in his arm.

Ten minutes later, Lucy opened the door, a tray in hand.

“I brought you food.” She said, sitting the tray down onto the rolling table, pushing over the bed.

“This does not look like food.” He complained, observing the variety laid out in front of him.

“The nurse said you’re on a clear liquid diet which means you can have all the broth, jello, popsicles and Gatorade you want.”

“What I want is a steak from that place on 5th.”

“Too bad. Now drink, the detectives will be here soon.”

Tim flashed her a sarcastic smile. “Thanks babe.”

Lucy glared, picking up her book of words, opening it up to where she left off.

“You’re going to have to tell me what that was all about by the way.”

Lucy shrugged. “They wouldn’t let me back so I found a way.”

“And that meant pretending we’re engaged?”

“Like I said, found a way. You complaining?”

Tim softly smiled, shaking his head as he shoved bite of jello in his mouth.

“Did they give someone my belongings?”

Lucy looked up, running the back end of the pen over her lip. “They cut your uniform off of you and your duty belt was secured and returned with your body cam to the detectives. The rest I put in your duffle a few minutes ago, your phone is on my charger.” She said, reaching onto the bedside table, handing him his phone.

Tim took the device, scrolling through the mass of messages and notifications. “When did you take this?” he asked, gesturing to the picture he had enlarged on his phone, the image coming from the group chat.

“Last night, you were completely out of it.” She snickered.

“Damn it Chen, please tell me this was sent to no one else.”

“Why? Don’t want anyone to know big bad Bradford has a soft side?”

“Lucy… Please?”

“Don’t worry Tim. It’s for our friends’ eyes only. Besides, my personal favorite is still on my phone.” She told him with a wink.

Tim’s face dropped. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lucy winked. “Maybe I’ll show you one day.”

Tim was about to interrogate her when a knock sounded on the door, Detectives Hall and Preese walking in.

“Hello boys.”

“Sergeant Bradford.” Detective Grayson Hall said, glancing at the other occupant of the room. “Officer Chen? We didn’t realize you had company.”

“Long story.” Tim said brushing the statement off, using his good arm to sit up better in the bed. “So, where shall we start?”

The next two hours were spent with Tim recounting the night from two days ago, answering their questions and asking some of his own as Lucy worked on a few puzzles until boredom set in, deciding to play on her phone for a while before making her way around the hospital, stretching her legs.

When she reentered the room, the two detectives had left and Tim was laying back, his head against the bed as his eyes were closed, a movie playing on the TV in the corner.

“Hey.”

Tim opened his eyes, letting out a sigh. “Hey.”

“They get everything they needed.”

“Hope so.” He told her turning his head. “You missed it, I tried walking to the bathroom.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “I bet that was an experience.”

“It was. Fairly sure my insides were about to fall out. What’s in the cup?”

Lucy handed over the cup she had snuck in. “I had Jackson swing by on his lunch break, he brought me some lunch and you, a frosty.”

“Thanks.”

Lucy smiled at him before her grin dropped as she looked at the vitals on the monitor next to the bed. “Your temperatures went up a little.”

“What can I say boot, I’m hot.” He told her with a smirk, shoveling in a spoonful of ice cream.

“You might be getting an infection.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry Chen, according to nurse Madison, they’ve put me on a stronger antibiotic.”

“You know, I think you’re an even bigger pain in my ass than before.”

Tim waved a hand, taking another bite of ice cream. “After two years you should be used to it by now.”

Lucy laughed, noticing as he drummed his fingers on the cup. “You up for a walk?”

“Not really.”

“You need to walk Tim, surely nurse Madison told you about throwing blood clots.”

“We’ll have to take it slow.” He told her after a moment, placing his cup down, throwing the covers off his legs. “I feel like everything inside has been rearranged.”

“You had a major surgery; they probably did move somethings around.”

Lucy walked to his side, standing in front of him, both of them grasping onto the other’s arms as Tim placed both feet on the ground, standing.

Tim let go of her right arm, reaching out for the IV pole as he slid his left hand into hers, taking careful and small steps across the room towards the door as he grimaced, his stiches pulling ever so slightly with each step.

“You ok?” She asked as they entered the hallway.

“Yep.”

The two made their way towards the nurses station, stopping for a break at the desk before turning around and returning to the room where Lucy helped him back into bed, Tim letting out a deep sigh, closing his eyes as his body relaxed back into the foam.

“Lucy?”

“Yeah?” she said, sitting back down in the chair next to the bed, reaching for the book on the nightstand as the heart rate monitor attached to Tim began to pick up speed.

“I think… I think I’m falling for you and it scares me shitless.”

Lucy let out a chuckle, reaching for his right hand on the bed. “So, let me catch you.”

Tim gave her a sleepy smile, intertwining his fingers with hers as she opened her book, starting on the next puzzle in the book. Somethings in life are simpler than others, choosing what to wear or what to eat, whereas other things in life are more difficult, especially when it comes to making a life changing decision. But Lucy Chen knew as she sat there, holding the hand of the man who trained her, that the decision she was about to make, would be the greatest of her life.

[ricksbowen]

one more time | pt. 3

IN WHICH: y/n’s parents are too much, the library’s a perfect opportunity, and ej confesses something in private.

INSPIRATION: best part — daniel caeser, hey there delilah — plain white tees

WARNING: this series will have smut in it and is pretty sexual all around ( read with caution ). there are implications of sex right off the bat, and everyone is 18+ and in their senior year. there’s also family problems mentioned.

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, pt. 5, pt. 6

“Thanks,” you murmured, eyes never leaving your textbook as you took the coffee cup from Ricky.

Five hours of studying in the library. In any other circumstance, you and Ricky would’ve opted to study at either your house or his. But after the new step in your friendship, concentrating was harder. One minute, you’d be listening to Ricky’s thoughts on the subject at hand,

the next you’d be making out on his bed, lips needy and moving quickly.

At least you couldn’t jump onto each other in the library.

You raised the coffee cup to your lips, feeling the hot steam on your skin before you took a sip. Peering past your book, your eyes landed on Ricky’s disheveled form. His hair, wild and completely messed up, was tucked under a dark green beanie you had given to him on his birthday. His black hoodie was pulled over his head, hoodie strings falling loosely down as he wrote in his notebook.

“I got another set at the diner downtown.” You commented, eyes darting back to your book. You could hear him sit up, his chair creaking at every little movement he made.

“You serious?”

“Yeah. Apparently, they liked me so much they wanted me back,” you explained with a crooked smile.

“They’d be stupid not to,” Ricky hummed, his comment making your smile wider as you looked down at your textbook.

The words all felt jumbled up, mixed in a blender to the point where you couldn’t even read them. It was probably the exhaustion getting to you.

Usually, your study dates went like this. You and Ricky, reading in comfortable silence while a few scattered conversations occurred. To you, it was important to have comfortable silences with friends.

“Are your parents letting you go to Juilliard?” Ricky asked, breaking the silence in two and changing your mood almost immediately.

You bit your lip, shaking your head firmly. Your parents were conservative and strict and had always set your sights towards med school or law school since you were born. But sometimes the most rebellious people come from the strictest parents. You wanted to pursue music — you had told them multiple times — but you knew you couldn’t. Not with them breathing down your neck.

“What’re you doing?”

The sharp voice of your mom made you freeze, all hope of going into the school now lost as you turned to her. Your dad stood behind her, his look almost as murderous as your mom’s.

They had always been on the more conservative side.

You shut your laptop quickly. “College applications,” you croaked out despite the feeling of sandpaper in your throat. “Gonna apply for Colombia. Just like I said,” you smiled forcefully, praying that your terrible lie would suffice against their looming look.

“Give me the laptop,” your dad stated, walking into your room and holding his hand out expectingly. You stared up at him, eyes wide as you slowly shook your head. “Don’t make me take it from you.”

“But,” you stammered, eyebrows furrowing and heartbeat picking up. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

Forcefully, your dad took the laptop out of your hands with one swift move. He opened it, the page not locked and protected by your password. He scrolled up, your impending doom hovering over you like an anvil waiting to fall. Then, he stopped.

“Juilliard? The art school?” he questioned, voice hard as his eyes snapped to you. Your mom walked up behind him, peering at the screen. You could see the anger dawn over her face.

You were in for it now.

“They caught me writing my application,” you mumbled, flipping the page absentmindedly. “They yelled at me for hours; nothing new.”

Ricky sucked in a breath, knowing fully well how much your parent’s words affected you. They were ruthless when it came to you. As an only child, you were their sole focus. But that came with consequences and blows to your self-esteem and your mind.

You stood up, letting out a loud sigh and turning to the shelves of books around you. The need for a yet another book pissed you off, and you cursed quietly under your breath as your scanned for a book you needed. Your fingers toyed with the spines of the various books you passed, and you paused when you came to the shelves that most likely had your book.

Hands crept around your waist, and almost immediately it sparked warmth on your skin. You could feel him kiss down your neck, and you automatically leaned your head back against his chest to allow him more access.

Light as a feather, Ricky’s kisses went down to your collarbone before climbing back up to your ear, where his breath fanned against your skin. “You need a break,” he mumbled, gently kissing at the skin under your ear.

You let out a shaky breath, feeling his hands under your shirt. You turned around, not even blinking before your lips met his. His hands picked you up, gripping your thighs and pushing you up against the tall shelves of the library.

“No one’s in the library,” you breathed, a light moan leaving your lips when you felt Ricky bite down.

“And that means?” Ricky asked, his voice sounding so sinfully innocent as he raised his face back up to yours.

“It means,” you drawled, tugging the beanie off of his head and throwing it behind him. “We can be as loud as we want,” you whispered, the feeling of your lips against his ear sending chills up and down his body.

“Or,” Ricky drawled on, grinding against you and watching you throw your head back in ecstasy. “Whoever makes a noise first,” he continued, helping you tug your shirt over your head. He took a second, mouth slightly agape as he looked you up and down. “Loses.”

You hummed in agreement, pulling his sweatshirt over his head and letting it fall behind him. You kissed him passionately, locking lips as if your life depended on it. You took his bottom lip between your teeth, playfully pulling it as you pulled away. You let go, taking in the needy gleam in his eyes as you smirked. “I’m down.”

—

Sometimes it shocked Ricky how passionate you were about singing.

You had been singing for as long as he could remember. Your love for music was once a secret, hidden behind other hobbies like climbing trees or riding bikes up and down the neighborhood streets. It wasn’t until the seventh grade, when Ricky caught you singing in your treehouse with your guitar, did he realize just how talented you were.

You had come a long way. From having Big Red and Ricky practically push you towards talent show tryouts to singing nervously in front of the whole middle school with a guitar that was a tad too big for your arms.

You had stage fright then. The oh-so-bold and courageous Y/N was always rendered into a sputtering mess in front of crowds. You couldn’t perform in front of them, for you much rather loved watching Big Red and Ricky on stage.

But as Ricky watched you play guitar for a small diner with people crowding in to see you, Y/N L/N, sing. He couldn’t help but beam at you from one of the closest tables from the stage.

Alongside him sat all your friends: Carlos and Seb, Big Red and Ashlyn, Gina, and even Ej. He found time in his busy schedule to see you sing.

“You know, I never knew she could sing. Or play guitar,” Gina commented amongst all the commotion in their table, waves of agreement rippling through the group.

“She had stage fright before,” Ricky explained, stirring his drink with his straw, Big Red nodding his head rapidly.

“We basically peer pressured her into joining,” Big Red added with a grin, making everyone laugh.

“She sang at the talent show in like, the eighth grade,” Ej added, his eyes set on you on the stage. Your eyes met his, a nervous smile on your face that you hid behind a thumbs up his way. Ej sent you one back with more confidence, and in a way it calmed you down.

“Y’know, haven’t heard her sing since then,” Ashlyn commented, chin on the palm of her hand as she looked at you adjust your microphone with shaky hands.

“Shush! It’s starting!” Carlos hissed, excitement evident as he scooted his chair in closer to the table and focused on you. Various shushes went through the group, along with childish lines of, ‘You suck at whispering,’ and ‘Shut up!’

“Hey, I’m, uh, Y/N L/N,” you began, listening to the cheers scatter around you, the loudest coming from your group of friends. You beamed at them, their confident smiles settling your nerves as you let out a shaky breath. “I usually sing originals, but I’ve been procrastinating lately,” scattered laughs erupted from your crowd. “Here’s Best Part.”

You cleared your throat, before plucking the strings on your guitar and beginning to sing. Your voice was soft, resonating in the diner like an echo.

Ricky could see the nerves fade away as you began to play, your eyes shutting in content at the ecstasy singing gave you. It was odd, how much music affected your emotions in a positive way.

“If she doesn’t get a record deal in the future I’m gonna be pissed,” Seb murmured loud enough for the group to hear, scattered sounds of agreement coming from them all as their eyes stayed on you.

How could they tear their eyes away? You looked so simple, in a black long-sleeved shirt and a skirt that made your legs look amazing. That, paired with your guitar, made you a singing enigma for anyone who didn’t know you.

As the song came to an end, claps and cheers echoed through the crowd. You beamed, smile brighter than the stars. You almost let out a laugh at how loud your friends were, their cheers trumping over everyone and their claps loud.

“How she doesn’t have all the guys after her is beyond me,” Ashlyn tutted, shaking her head to herself as she sipped her drink.

“Speaking of guys,” Ej murmured, voice low as a conversation began between them all. His voice was only audible to Ricky, who sat behind him and turned to him with a confused frown.

“What?”

“Is Y/N, you know,” Ej motioned with his hands, trying to signal subtly to Ricky. It took only a second for Ricky to understand, his eyebrows going up in realization.

Since when did Ej like you? It surprised Ricky, but as he looked back on it, Ej always did have a soft spot for you. Not that he cared much; Ej was a good guy.

“Seeing anyone?” Ricky finished with a cocked eyebrow. Since when was Ej interested in you? In retrospect, it made more sense; you had always been pretty close to him. “No, not that I know of,” Ricky answered, keeping the unholy thought of you in his bed literally two nights ago to himself. “Why?”

“I dunno,” Ej mumbled, looking down sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck. “Just wondering. I mean after Luka, of course she decided to stay single.” His last sentences were quiet, more for himself than Ricky, but Ricky heard nonetheless.

After your performance, you bowed one last bow to the crowd before you jumped off the small stage, making your way to your friends and letting out a laugh at their exclaims.

“You’re telling me that you’ve had that voice this whole time and you still didn’t try out for High School Musical: The Musical?” Carlos scoffed, feigning hurt while you only hugged him tightly.

“My stage fright would’ve gotten the best of me,” you remarked, the smile of your face never ceasing. You hugged Ricky tightly, his smile almost as wide as yours. He opened his mouth to compliment you before Ej shyly tapped you on the shoulder.

“I was, uh, wondering if we can talk,” Ej said, his voice making the sides of your mouth turn down into a worried frown.

“Sure.” You followed him to the side of the diner, away from the crowds and from your friends. You were unaware of your friends’ eyes on you and Ej, theories already popping up in their minds.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Big Red asked, nodding towards you and Ej conversing quickly. He seemed happy; you looked unsure.

“Either relationship advice or actual problems,” Gina responded, sipping her drink as she spoke.

“Or something else,” Seb added, eyeing the conversation as if it was a dramatic movie playing out in front of him.

Ricky only watched on, curiosity bubbling in his chest as he watched you smile hesitantly and nod your head. Ej’s glowing smile grew, and he nodded to himself. You gave him another smile before turning to the group, smile falling when you saw their eyes on you.

You both walked over to them, your movements hesitant and your eyebrows furrowed while Ej wore a satisfied smile.

You all gave each other another goodbye, your hug with Ej lasting a second longer than usual before you walked out of the diner with Ricky by your side. He was always your ride when it came to your performances.

“What was that all about?” Ricky questioned nonchalantly, breathing in the fresh night air as you walked to his car.

“He wanted to tell me he liked me. He said he had liked me for a while,” you mumbled, voice blatant as you walked. You knew Ricky was looking at you, gauging for any kind of reaction, but you only kept your eyes ahead of you. “It was just something he wanted to get off his chest,” you shook your head. “I dunno.”

“Well,” Ricky cleared his throat, unlocking his car and helping you out your guitar in the back seat. “Do you like him?”

“I haven’t liked someone in that way since Luka.” You shut the door, opening the door to the front seat and climbing in. Ricky went into the driver’s seat, hands on the steering wheel yet not moving.

“I thought you got over him.”

“I did,” you said, glancing at him. “It’s just,” your voice trailed off, the memories you blocked out of your own head coming back in waves. You sank into the seat of his car. “I’m not over what he did to me. How much he hurt me.”

Nodding to himself, Ricky started up his car. Hey There Delilah started to play through his speakers, and you looked outside the car window as he backed out of the parking space. Your mood always deflated when it came to talking about relationships. Luka left you scarred in more ways than one.

Ricky knew the friends with benefits agreement allowed you both to see other people. But what you didn’t cover was what would happen if you met the right one while having the agreement with Ricky.

“Are you gonna go out with him?” Ricky found himself asking, eyes never leaving the road for fear of seeing you glare at him. But you didn’t glare like you usually did. You only shrugged, watching the buildings pass by. It was odd to feel so down when you felt like you were on top of the world not even 30 minutes ago.

“I don’t think so,” you said, words unsure and hesitant. “I love Ej — I really do — but I don’t wanna ruin what we have. I know it’ll end badly.” You turned away from the side window, opting to watch the dark road ahead illuminated by the headlights.

“You say that every time someone shows interest in you.”

“You say the same thing,” you fired back, turning to him with a cocked brow as if you were challenging him to continue.

Ricky shrugged sheepishly, eyes snapping to look at you for just a second before returning to the road. “Good point. But if he actually asks you to go out...” Ricky trailed off suggestively, making you snort in amusement and sink deeper into your chair.

“That’ll be a problem if it actually happens. But for now,” you looked at him, managing a smile. “I have nothing to worry about.”

—

TAGS: @tomshufflepuff​, @myrandom-fandomlife​, @softpeteparker​, @sarcarstic-space-weirdo​, @particularcth​, @lifes-a-party-youre-a-boy​, @paniniirae, @supersouthy​, @jointherebellion215​, @gabyer0309​, @hannarudick​, @broken-from-fandoms​, @complete-trash-101​, @ssprayberrythings​, @raven-waheda​, @timelordtardis​, @chubby-cheek-calum​, @nicole-lynne​, @loserr-likeme​, @whoseblogsthis​, @stxfxniexreads​, @cherrydolan​, @allaroundaddict, @of-outerspace​, @blueevelvt​

[ivyuns]

moral of the story ❆

han jisung

genre: angst

word count: 2.8k

warnings: hella sad breakups + cheating + language

A/N: listen to moral of the story by ashe + i need to stop falling asleep while writing, istg this was better in my brian

part one | part two

masterlist

so i never really knew you, god i really tried to.

you started dating your best friend since you were a kid and never regretted one bit of the memories you two shared. you knew dating an idol would be tough but jisung never made it hard for you. sure some stays didn’t accept you, but stray kids was there to help you get through it. after two years of the relationship, it was still healthy or that’s what you wish it was.

stray kids was currently in japan for their tour for two months and god, you missed your boyfriend. the past now four months was hell for you. jisung started to stay in the studio all day and night, then coming home for two hours then went back to the studio. you would stay up for him to come home then him just ignoring you, feeling neglected. all you wanted from him was at least one ‘i love you’. you don’t even remember when was the last time he said it to you.

thought we could really this but, really i was foolish.

you could remember the day he was head over heels for you before he asked you out. exactly two years ago, hyunjin who was jisung’s best friend had told you that jisung had a crush on you. you never understood since you always saw jisung flirting with other girls which broke your heart. you wish you were the only girl for him.

you ignored hyunjin and continued walking to your next class til someone pulled you back and kissed your lips. you widen your eyes as you see it’s your best friend kissing you; han jisung. your mind can’t process anything after you just had your first kiss by a man you loved ever since you were a kid. a for this day, you won’t forget about that very special moment of yours.

4 months go by and you and jisung had your first fight. it was stupid. so stupid. you visited jisung after changbin texted you to come feed your baby since he was producing songs at such a late time. you made his favorite meal and drove to the jyp building where jisung was.

you showed your id to the scanner to open the security door for the building and was greeted by jyp himself. “hello y/n! here looking for you boyfriend?” he laughed. you smiled and did a 90 degree bow. “hi jinyoung!” and laughed. “ah y/n, you don’t need to be so polite. your mother taught you so well! anyways, jisung is the studio room where he always is.” he patted your back and left after you said a thank you.

you go to the room where he is and there you see, a stress jisung with his hair messy and eye bags under his eyes. you go up to him and placed the bag of food in front of him. jisung automatically looks up and sees your beautiful face, his one and only. he smiles with tired eyes and hugs you.

“baby when did you get here?” he muttered and peppers you with his kisses. “like 5 minutes ago, your boss kept me for a minute.” jisung quickly lets his arm loosen around you and panicked. “did he ask to break up with me!?” he lightly shouted. “no baby, he was telling me where you were” you smiled. jisung exhaled our loud, thankful for jyp for accepting you.

you two cuddled on the chair til jisung let’s you have a sneak peak of their new song. you strected your limbs and felt your hand touch a random button. the music was peaceful til all you heard was statics. your head faced jisung’s as he let go of your body, making you stand up while he went to check on the song that was saved on his laptop.

jisung’s hands started to pull his hair off of his scalp as he tried to not yell at you but failed. “are you serious y/n?! that took weeks to finish and you just corrupted the file!” jisung shouted. your lips quivered in fear, not knowing how to reply. “jisung, babe, you can make a new one. its oka-” .. “no its not okay!”. words after words, jisung had a few ugly words spit out of his lips that made you feel more useless. “all you do is come here and annoy me and the boys when we need to work our asses off. just because we act nice to you doesnt mean the boys always have a soft spot for you in their heart. just go and never come back. why did i even like you in the first plac-” jisung was cut off by a door slamming shut.

oh how much did he regret saying those words to you. he knew you were insecure, especially when you feel like youre bothering others. he sat down in his chair and wiped the tears off of his face after seeing the face look you had before you left, full of fear.

you on the other hand was walking to the exit of the building with you head down. ‘hes not going to run after me anyways’.

you walked inside your apartment, full of sadness as you can’t get the words jisung had said about you out of your head. you lay on your cold and empty, but soft bed. looking beside you is where jisung is supposed to be at. turning to your bedside table, you see a picture of you and jisung on your first date as an official couple. you had a cotton candy cone in your hand as you tried to feed a piece to jisung til he kissed your lips. how grateful you were for hyunjin to take a picture of that very special of yours.

tears started falling as you drifted to sleep, not noticing the missed calls and messages from stray kids, especially jisung.

the fight had lasted for almost two week and you felt like shit. you haven’t ate a full meal and haven’t left your bed unless it was for your hygiene reasons.

you stood up a bit too fast and stared feeling weak. you shrugged it off and continued walking to your bathroom which was connected to your room. as you turn on the bathroom lights, your eyes were blinded and started to see black and fell.

jisung on the other hand felt so different. his mind wouldn’t focus on the music, instead it was you. he went to your apartment the past 5 days to talk to you only to see the pin number to enter your apartment to change. first he tried your anniversary day with him, then his birthday, then your birthday, then day when you and jisung got your very first couple pet but nothing worked. today, he went by as he left notes under the doormat everytime he came by, only to see the notes untouched when he went to place another one.

he felt something bad had happened to you so he quickly ran to the dorm to search where you placed the ‘emergency key’ for your place in case something happened. jisung bursted through the entry way of the dorm as he scared the other ‘00 liners. “woah hyung, what are you doing?” seungmin asked.

“i’m trying to find the key for y/n apartment” jisung panted while looking everywhere, “you know the one for emergencies?” hyunjin stood up with his keychain in his hand. “oh you mean this one?” and showed the key with a little picture of you and jisung on it.

jisung immediately grabs the keychain and runs back to your place with a yelling hyunjin behind him, telling him to be careful.

he arrives at your place and places the key into the lock. he rushes to every room to see if his sunshine is in one of the room. he went upstairs and to the room. he saw the bed looking all cold, even feeling cold with your phone thrown at the wall in the corner and picture frames of you and jisung faced down. he went to the closet and felt relived as you didn’t try to run away. lastly, he went to the bathroom and rushed to your cold figure.

he sees your pale figure and realizes you’re not breathing. tears sprung out of jisungs eyes as he rushed you to the hospital.

“i’m so sorry baby”.

you woke up with the sun beaming to the room, a unfamiliar room. you turn your head to see jisung with his hands linked to yours and tears staining his face as he peacefully sleep. your hands twitch and jisung lifts his head quickly. he looks at your with worry eyes and hugs you, “im sorry my love. if i didnt yell at you that night, you wouldnt be in this state. im so sorry y/n.” jisung sobs into your shoulder.

“jisung, baby, its fine. as long as you realize your mistake and come back, its fine. thank you but what happened? why am i here?” your smiled coming down as it dropped as you remembered what happened.

“the doctors said you were lacking nutrients for your body and lost a lot of weight. those could making you feel lightheaded and a risk of passing out. god y/n, if i didn’t go back to the place, you would still be laying on the bathroom floor with no help.” jisung starts to sob even more as you bring his head to your chest, hugging him and telling him ‘it’s okay’.

i said ‘some people fall in love’ with the wrong people sometimes.

you came home after a long day of work. you unlocked your door to see jisung’s shoes on the side and smiled. you walked upstairs and you swore you heard a female voice .. on a call?

the bedroom door was cracked open so you quietly eavesdropped. “i gotta go babes, y/n is home” jisung whispered to the phone. babes? “ok sungie i’ll see you later!” a high pitch voice came out of the phone.

jisung got up from the bed and went to open the door, looking for you as you pretended you just came up from the stairs. “hi baby, how was work?” jisung asks innocently. “it was a lot. can we cuddle?” you went up to him and hugged him. jisung nodded and led you to the bed to cuddle, eventually falling asleep.

it was currently 2 am and you woke up with jisung still sleeping next to you. you almost fell back asleep til you heard a notification from jisungs phone. as his screen lit up, you saw the name of the sender and it broke you.

jiseo 💗

i thought you’re coming over baby ?

please don’t tell me you’re with that bitch still.

i thought you were gonna break up with her today babe?

so this is why hes been so distant. you put the phone away and fall into your slumber, wishing it was just a nightmare.

some mistakes get made. that’s alright that’s okay.

you waved a goodbye to jisung and the boys as they headed to their plane for their japan tour. the night before, you talked to their manager and asking if you could follow along. the manager agreed so now you wait for the next day to go to japan.

you packed all your belongings and headed to the airport. you passed security and handed you ticket to board the plane. as the plane took off, a notification lit up your phone.

jisung baby 🐿💕

hi baby we just finished rehearsing

i miss you already

y/n 💓

i miss you too, stay safe baby <3

after sending jisung a quick message, you exited the app and saw your wallpaper of you and jisung on your first year anniversary date. where the relationship was still full of love. a tear fell onto your screen, missing the feeling of being loved by your significant other. after a little session of your crying, you decided to take a nap of the remainder of the trip.

you think that you’re in love when you’re really in pain.

you arrived at the airport close to where stray kids was touring at. you had called their manager to pick you up, also letting him know you had landed safely to see your jisung.

you waiting about 10 minutes til you saw a car window roll down in front of you, yelling your name. you looked up and saw the driver, noticing it’s their manager. you got up and brought your luggage to the car with the help of him.

during the car trip back to their hotel, you told the manager about you and jisung. you tell him how he’s been really distant and you don’t feel loved again. all he tells you is that everything will be okay and he’s probably just stress from all the comeback and producing.

you two arrived at the hotel and walked in. the manager gives you an extra key card to jisung’s shared room with jeongin. “what if jeongin is in the room with him?” you asked him, feeling worried. “ah don’t worry y/n. i told jeongin that you’re coming to surprise jisung so he’s in the room with seungmin and changbin.” he reassured you. you thanked him and went to the door number of where your boyfriend was staying.

you put the card in the key holder and opens it. you walk inside and lift up your head to see a naked jisung and a naked girl under him. seeing the sweat glistening on his perfect golden skin and hearing moans and grunts made you sick. this must be the jiseo he’s been talking to.

“han jisung!” you yelled out to get the two people’s attention. jisung quickly turns his head to the door to see you with tears falling down your cheeks.

“baby i-” you cut off jisung.

“no! now i know you’re so distant to me. because you cheated on me. i came here to surprise you, not to see you put your dick in someone.” you paused for a second after harshly wiping the tears falling. “i don’t understand what i did wrong jisung. w-was this 2 years just a joke to you? our best friend days?” you sobbed. at this point, the girl who was under jisung had escape from his embrace and ran away after putting on her clothes.

“y/n i can explain!” you roll your eyes in annoyance, not wanting to hear his side after you found out everything. “explain what!? that you’ve been cheating on me? i loved you even when you still went behind my back and cheat on me.” your fingers touched the promise ring on your left ring from jisung which was from your first anniversary.

“jisung, from today and so on, we’re broken up. please don’t try to contact me.” you took off your ring and threw it to him. you grabbed the handle of your luggage and left his room. after hearing the door shut, loud sobs left you as changbin who heard everything went to comfort you.

jisung, who heard your sobs aftwr the door shuts made him feel weak. he doesn’t even know why he ended up cheating on you. you were the best girlfriend anyone could ask for and he just ruined everything.

he went to pick up the ring and saw the inside of the ring. ‘sunshine <3’ he read. jisung slid down the wall with the ring still in his hand and started bawling. ‘i’m sorry y/n’.

after the comfort from changbin, you broke the hug. “changbin, please tell jisung i said thank you for everything and his stuff will be on his bed.” thanking changbin and gathered you stuff and flew back to korea after spending your savings in under a day for a jerk.

you got back to your place and quickly went to pack jisungs gifts he gave you, his hoodies, and the memories placed in the photo frames. from best friends to lovers, and now exes. looking at the pictures made you cry more. after what he did, you still love him.

finally getting everything together, you went to go to the boys dorm to return jisungs stuff. you entered his bedroom and placed the box on his bed, waiting for his arrival. you went to look for a paper and pen and wrote:

‘ily’

after putting the materials back where they were, you saw a picture frame of you and jisung on his nightstand. you grabbed the frame and opened his nightstand drawer to storage it, only seeing something that caught your eyes; a small black velvet box. you open it to see a diamond ring. a ring you always dreamed of. 

quickly putting the items back in his drawer, you looked at the whole dorm, reminiscing the memories made here. you left the key that jisung had gave you on the table and opened the front door. making sure to lock it before you leave. wiping the tear the threaten the fall after remembering the ring he was going to propose to you with, you shut the door and went back to your apartment.

in the end its better for me. thats the moral of the story babe.

-

END <3

lmao i might just do a part two-

[jem-2096]

Brunette from Mars - (Peter Parker One shot)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of fighting/abuse, FLUFFY AF! 

(This could be read as ftm!peterparker and/or regular MCU Peter Parker)

This one shot is inspired by the song mars by Yungblud. Go give it a listen if you haven't! 

You and the brunette haired boy with deep honey coloured irises quickly became good friends. You commuted to school each morning together after learning you lived in the same apartment in Queens while your first day of highschool in homeroom. You were paired for some lame icebreakers to get to know other students. He had nervously blabbed to you about how he had moved apartments with his aunt over the summer and as you got to know him better over time, he let you know the reason why they moved.

You quickly learned that the brunette was a great listener, quick witted, fairly thoughtful, determined with his studies, had a passion for tinkering with programming and computer tech and secretly kept a picture of Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars in his desk that you won't let him live down. 

Two summers ago, the brunette had quite the glow up that to be honest made your stomach do flips. After returning from a trip to Detroit with his Aunt May to visit family, the brunette came back to school with his braces off and a nice build to him compared to the lanky string bean he was when he had left in that June. 

With this overnight glow up also came this new habit of him flaking on you and really everyone without reasonable explanations. He would come to school with bruised knuckles, scratches on his face, and more often than not bags under his eyes. Although he seemed exhausted, his smile and upbeat self usually didn't seem to waver. His eyes did however seem to say otherwise whenever his honey brown irises met yours. 

Unless he flaked on an important commitment, you didn't display emotions or words for his lack of presence. His world didn't revolve around you and you accepted that. You reminded yourself to try not to hold him back from what he loved because you were a good friend and wanted what was best for him, even if it was draining him. 

"I'm free to study for algebra after dinner tonight." You stated to the brunette, looking past him out the city bus window as the buildings, and trees whirled past you. You weren't looking for an answer at this point, just giving him an open invitation to come over if he had nothing better to do on his Thursday night. You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye as he leaned his head against the pole you both were holding onto and closed his eyes. The bus was quiet this morning as you watched the orange sunrise dance over the brunette's features and could hear the beat of whatever song he was listening to through his headphones. 

A GPS like voice came over the bus intercom as you turned the corner. "Grand Central Parkway at 65th Avenue". You pulled the chord on the side of the bus for the bus driver to stop and gently shook the brunette's shoulder. As you saw his honey coloured eyes once again, you nodded in the direction of the door for you to both get off. 

You were early to school today seeing as you made the transfer bus in time for the first time in forever. Walking through the dewy grass on the field together, you pointed at an open picnic table near the tennis courts. 

Setting your backpack down, you opened it grabbing out two granola bars and an apple. The brunette slumped down beside you to face away from the sun. As he set his coffee on the table, his head immediayley went into his folded arms. You placed one of the granola bars infront of him, and sat facing the courts. Stretched your legs out and crossing your ankles, you flipped through one of your novels, quickly finishing up your AP lit reading before class. 

"Thanks." You heard him pipe up in a monotone voice as he shoved the granola bar in his pocket. You nodded, nose still in your novel. He knew by now that he didn't have to put on an act around you. "We gotta go in, in 20. I'll wake you in 15, kay?" 

He nodded as his head was back in his arms, facing away from you. You heard him let out an audible sigh as you finished up the last of your notes. 

"Pete?" You ask hesitantly, resting your hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond. "You know, you can tell me anything right? I won't push you. The offer still stands. No judgement. Alright?" You say quietly, softly rubbing your hand down his jacket clad back and let it drop off to collect your things and pack up your bag. 

The alarm you set on your phone goes off as you see him prop his head up and wipe his eyes on his sleeve out of the corner of your eye.

'Oh Peter. Sometimes, as close as we are, I wish it didn't feel as though there was a cement wall between us.' You thought to yourself as you scrolled through your phone. As you both stood to walk up to the school, to your surprise, as cold and distant as he had been recently, he pulled you into his side. You wrapped your arms around his torso giving him a quick hug. 

After taking attendance in home room and catching up with MJ about her latest find in the school library, you were dismissed to your first period class. "Leave your window open at 6." You heard the brunette pipe up at your lockers. "Always." You nodded, giving him a small smile before parting ways to your classes. 

You quickly glanced at your alarm clock on your desk reading 8:30 pm. Quickly realizing you were running out of graph paper in your notebook as you flipped to a fresh page, you scribbled down the next practice question. Your headphones blasted one of your new favourite songs as you disconnected them from the bluetooth on your phone to play out loud. "Do you feel like your irrelevant, do you feel like your just scared as fuck.." You quietly sang along, writing a note to get more graph paper in the near future, as you heard a thud from the window beside you. 

Swiveling in your chair, you look up to see the silhouette of the brunette. As he steps into the light of your desk lamp and sits on your bed you can see his eyes are red and his knuckles are beginning to bruise again. He kicks off his sneakers as you hesitantly stand from your chair to go and to sit beside him. 

He immediately buries his face in his hands as he quietly cries. You try your best to not show the hurt on your face from seeing him like this as you gently rub his back. You go to sit behind him up against the wall. You bring your hands around his waist gently holding him, letting your legs dangle on either side of him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

When you no longer hear uneven breathing, you sit back up and one hand goes to the hair on the nape of his neck, softly playing with his locks, while the other gently rubs circles on his back. 

"I'm sorry." You hear him sigh out. "Im so fucking sorry." He pleads as he begins to cry again. "I'm here. Just breathe Pete." You say calmly as you wrap your legs around his waist and hug him tighter. You take deep breaths for him to mimic to try and calm him back down. 

"I keep fucking up Y/n/n, and I don't know what to do anymore." He painfully lets out. You take in his words and quickly think of an appropriate response. "Everyone I try to become close with has ended up hurt or passed away, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and have to fill his shoes. No matter what decisions I make I still always end up letting someone down. I'm just so fucking tired Y/n." Although his words are a jumbled mess to you, you nod. You let go of the tense brunette and sit beside him. "Take your shirt off and go lie on your stomach." You say to him as he looks at you somewhat confused but does as he's told and props his head up on his folded arms. 

You can see the faded scars and healed wounds on his arms, shoulders and back, wondering who gave these to him. As you sit straddling his waist, your hands go to his shoulders and back massaging his tense and knotted muscles. He lets out a big sigh of relief after realizing what's going on. He softly mewls as you gently work the knots out. Once all the tension in his back and shoulders is gone, you lay close beside the half awake brunette. 

"Thank you." He states sincerely, as he rolls to face you. You know that his words of gratitude are for more than just the back massage. You nod, reaching your hand up to run your hands softly through his locks to relax him further as his eyes flutter shut at your touch. "We're all only capable of so much Pete. Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's a hard pill to swallow but its impossible to win every battle and win everyone over. I know it's easier said than done, and it'll take some time to figure everything out, but I'll be here every step of the way though alright?" You whisper softly, and reach for his hand giving it a squeeze as he nods. "I'll let you get some rest." You sigh out, sitting up, bringing the blanket at the end of the bed over his larger frame and bend down giving a kiss to his temple. "Goodnight love." You whisper.

After another hour and a half of battling through algebra questions, you quietly change into some sweats and open up your netflix account to get your mind off your math problems and your worries of Peter. Picking up your laptop, your half empty waterbottle falls to the floor with a thud. Your gaze darts over to your bed to see the naturally curly headed brunette sound asleep. Your heart flutters as you catch him pull the covers up to his chin and nuzzle his nose into the pillow and blankets while he curls his legs up into the fetal position. You sit on the floor beside your bed as the light from the movie on netflix illuminates your bedroom. You have the subtitles on and the movie on the lowest volume as you rest your back against the bed frame. 

After a few minutes you begin to hear the brunette stir and roll over to face the movie. "Is this that BoxTrolls movie?" You hear him croak out in a deep voice that makes your heart flutter. "No, this one's Paranorman. It's in my top 5." You respond, your gaze still on the screen. You feel his fingers playing with the ends of your hair softly, trying his best not to disturb you even though you've seen this movie more times than you can remember. 

He pushes all of your hair over to one of your shoulders and rests his chin on the opposite one. "You know, you don't have to sit on the floor right? I don't bite Y/n." He states sleepily in your ear. You quickly catch your breath at how close he is as you comprehend the words coming out of his mouth and nod standing. You place your laptop on your desk chair and wheel it over in front of the bed. Looking over to the brunette laying confortably in your bed, he holds the blanket open for you to get in. "One sec." You say as you take off your hoodie, revealing your white tank top underneath that clung to the hills and slopes of your natural curves. You had ditched your bra long before the Brunette had arrived, remembering that it's laying in the clothes hamper and not on your body. You looked back down to see the brunette's arm still holding the blanket open, his honey eyes on you. They slowly wandered down your silhouette to see the loose sweatpants hung low on your hips and back up to meet your gaze. The dark room concealed the deep blush you felt on your cheeks from his gaze. 'Too late now..' you thought as you climbed under the blanket. Your back rested up against Peter's larger frame. His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Is this okay y/n/n?" The brunette questioned. You nodded, trying your best to calm your breathing as you felt his warm, gentle touch on your skin. You hoped and prayed he couldn't hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest. 'I feel so safe and at home in his arms but the last thing he needs right now is a girlfriend. And why would he want to be with me anyways. We're just friends and he probably just needs physical affection from someone right now.' You thought to yourself. 

You let out a soft sigh at your thoughts. "You okay sweetheart?" He asks softly, as you feel his warm lips peck the back of your exposed neck. Your face is on fire at this point. 'He's just tired Y/n. Calm down. Dont say anthing stupid'  "Yeah, I just feel safe in your arms." You murmur loud enough for him to hear. 'Idiot. You ruined it. Shit shit shit.' 

It became deathly quiet between you two. You could hear his breathing, the rain hitting your bedroom window, the cars driving on the street below, your upstairs neighbour walking around their apartment and the dull volume of the movie playing from your laptop.

"Y/n/n?" You heard him whisper.  

You rolled over to face him, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his warm cologne and body wash as you wrapped your arm around his waist and tangled your legs in his. Although you didn't have all the answers you were looking for, this the closest you two had been in over a year and you were happy that he was finally starting to let down his walls. 

He stroked your hair, planting a kiss on the crown of your head. "Goodnight love." He mumbled before all the sounds around you in the silence of your bedroom coaxed you to sleep. 

You had woken up to your alarm at 6:30am to find the spot beside you empty. 

The brunette swore that was the best sleep he had had in months he thought, reminiscing as he climbed down the fire escape after quickly showering and getting ready to meet you before catching the bus. You heard a knock on your window before he slid it open and sat on the sil. He fiddled with tge metro card in his hands as a small smile crept onto his face watching you concentrating on finishing your eyeliner and mascara. You take a step back to look in the mirror to see if your wings are symmetrical, seeing the brunette looking at you with a sheepish grin in the reflection. He looked well rested for once, his eyes kind and soft, glancing at you in adoration. Your heart beats out of your chest as you spin around to look at him. 

"One sec." You say quickly rushing out to the kitchen to grab some food before packing up your bag. Pulling on your coat and beanie, as you walk towards the window sill the brunette is lounging on.

"Before we go, I uhm... forgot to tell you something.. last night." He says looking down at his hands as you reach out gently hold his larger ones. "Y/n.. I uhm-" he looks up at you, scanning your features, trying his best to read your emotions. You see him glance down quickly at your soft lips. 'I can't take this. Screw always being a good friend.' You thought as you leaned in, placing a hand on his cheek and a soft kiss to his lips. Your thumb stroked his cheek as he leaned back in for another. Your forehead rested against his. "Was that what you wanted to tell me?" You asked in a hushed tone, looking down at his lips again. He nodded before giving them another peck. "Uhm.. we better go before we-" "oh.. yeah, your right. Shit!" You say, quickly checking the time on your phone. 

As you dashed down the fire escape and towards the bus stop, his hand never left yours as you jogged behind him giggling at his antics of repeating "Shit" as he saw the bus waiting for you at your stop as you both jogged towards it. You couldn't see it but for the first time in a while, a genuine smile adorned the brunette's face and through whatever he was battling with, knowing you were by his side, there would be plenty more to come. 

[dawninlatin]

To build a home

Part 5 of the Manorian Teacher AU

Words: 1216

Previous parts

AO3 Link

Summary: They move in together. That’s it.

A/N: Hello dear reader!I'll try not to say too much, I will just apologize for the fact that this is not edited, but it's 2am right now, and my eyes have stopped working...(I'll check it for errors tomorrow uwu) 

Also apparently my brain stopped working as well since I chose a cheesy song lyric as the title (why is finding an appropriate title harder than the actual writing??)

Anyways, enjoy:))))

«It’s perfect.»

Dorian stopped as he realized Manon wasn’t walking next to him anymore. No, she was standing a few feat away, gasping, as she stared upon a two-story house, it’s walls painted yellow, big windows with mint-green frames that would provide excellent lighting, the back facing the river, all of it partially hidden by a garden full of wildflowers.

Stepping next to his girlfriend, taking in the house, Dorian decided it was indeed perfect. Maybe a little abandoned, but with the right care…Perfect was really the only way to describe it, and he told Manon so, placing his hand on her lower back. Manon didn’t say anything, just kept staring at the house with a longing gaze.

For a moment, Dorian allowed himself to take in the sight of her. Her hair was in a loose braid, she had a big scarf wrapped around her to protect her from the chilly autumn wind, and the look on her face…She was breathtaking where she stood, surrounded by fallen leaves that were the same shade as her golden-brown eyes.

Throwing one final glance at it as if in goodbye, Manon let out a lengthy sigh and turned around to continue their walk. That is when Dorian noticed the sign sitting in one of the windows. For sale. Please contact if interested.

«Wait,» he said, taking Manon’s hand and pulling her attention back to the residence. «It wouldn’t hurt to have a look,» Dorian suggested, pointing to the sign.

But Manon only shook her head, turning to leave once more, saying, «I don’t want to tempt myself.» Dorian, still refusing to let go of her hand, raised an eyebrow in question. «I’m a high school teacher, Dorian. We both know I won’t be able to afford my own house until I’m at least forty.»

An idea formed in his mind. An idea that had been a quiet but constant whisper for weeks now. This was it, this was the moment, Dorian thought as he stepped closer, pulling Manon into his arms. He tilted her chin upwards, and leaned down to press a light kiss to her lips, a kiss she responded to by pressing her palms against his cheeks, her lips parting in silent invitation. Dorian entered her with his tongue, tasting her mouth.

Once they managed to break apart, Dorian took her face in his hands and murmured, «You could afford it if we bought it together?» She stilled, looking at him with such burning intensity, such rawness. «Move in with me, Manon.»

«You want to live with me?» she asked with a quiet voice, her face a mixture of shock and happiness and hope.

Dorian leaned in and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. «Of course I wanna live with you, you’re awesome and I love you.»

«I love you too,» Manon whispered against his lips, before she pressed a lingering kiss to them.

«And,» Dorian said, «we’re basically living together already.»

It was true. In fact, they spent so much time together Dorian couldn’t remember the last time he slept alone, which was good, because the feeling of waking up next to Manon was the best feeling in the goddamn world.

Manon let out a chuckle, saying, «We’re buying a house then?»

«We’re buying a house,» Dorian replied, grinning.

As she looked at their possible home once more, Manon let out a laugh of disbelief and utter joy, and Dorian couldn’t help but laugh with her.

-

One month later

«I think this is the last one,» Dorian said, setting a box marked sciency stuff down on the floor. «I definitely heard some weird noises come from it, but I’m not even gonna dare asking.»

Manon laughed manically from where she was sorting through various boxes, trying to find her laptop charger. Honestly it could be anywhere, from the wires n’ shit box to the I don’t know what I’m doing anymore box. Yes, that «science» box might contain some shady stuff, but she was a teacher, it was justified. Sort of.

«We’re officially moved in then?» Manon asked her boyfriend, giving him a big smile.

«I guess we have,» he answered, matching her grin.

Just a month ago, they had come across this very house while going for a walk, falling in love with it immediately. And now they were the proud owners.

The mere though of being in a relationship serious enough that they had moved in together should have intimidated her, should have terrified her, but living with Dorian, building a home, a life with him…Nothing had ever felt so right. They had been together for two years now, and no one made her feel so safe, so valued, so loved.

And this was their house, their home.

It was nowhere near done, and they had a lot of work ahead of them, but it was a start.

Her steps echoed through the empty living room as Manon walked over the hardwood floor, towards Dorian, who was leaning against a wall. «We better get started then.»

-

They’d gone to bed around midnight, both of them exhausted after a day filled with working, cleaning and unpacking the many, many boxes. Now, they we’re lying on a mattress on the floor, in the middle of the room that was to become their bedroom. The room was otherwise empty, but they’d filled the mattress up with blankets and pillows, and they’d even bought some string lights to hang in the ceiling, trying to make it as cozy as possible.

«I feel like the natural thing to do right now is to have sex in about every room, but I’m so tired,» Manon said, while simultaneously letting out a big yawn. She turned towards her boyfriend, trying to make out his facial expression in the dark. He was grinning at her, she felt it more than she saw it.

«I know,» he said, his words laced with irony. «I’m utterly drained.»

Manon gave him a playful shove. «Fuck you,» she said, but she was laughing while saying it.

While Manon had worked her ass off, carrying heavy boxes and puzzling together various IKEA furniture, her adorable idiot of a boyfriend had spent the entire afternoon meticulously organizing their now joint bookshelf. «Priorities, Manon, priorities,» he’d said, before disappearing back into his own world. Sure, they didn’t have a kitchen or a fully functioning bathroom or an actual bed, but at least their bookshelf was perfect.

And Manon had to admit, seeing her impressive sci-fi collection standing amongst Dorian’s fantasy and silly romance stories and whatnot had sent a rush of pride through her. The very same feeling she’d gotten as she’d written their names together on the mailbox.

«I missed you,» Manon sighed as she crawled into Dorian’s open arms. For the past two weeks, they’d both been so busy packing down their separate apartments, which also meant they’d barely seen one another. One thing Manon had learned was that she hated sleeping alone, and she would prefer to never do so ever again.

Dorian hummed as he brought his arms around her, holding her against his chest. Manon decided at that moment that this was where she wanted to spend the rest of her life. In this house, with Dorian.

[let-me-write-shit]

Like We Used To: 14

A/N: Next Chapter starts the interviews! If there’s any questions you might want to be asked, or if there’s something you’d like me to incorporate in any of the future chapters, let me know! I love hearing from you! 

I’m gonna try to put up the next chapter later tonight, so make it quick!! :) :) 

PLEASE don’t forget to like/reblog/message me if you like it. It’s suuuuper helpful

[CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS CHAPTERS]

----------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“I cannot believe I let you talk me into this,” Elizabeth shifted in the passenger seat of Harry’s car, staring out at the streets of London.

It was nearly 10 AM and the two were on their way to the airport to travel to LA for a week for some promotional interviews for Harry’s upcoming performance in New York next month before a new album is released. Somehow Harry and Judy managed to gang up on Elizabeth. He even got Kate to call her in the middle of her honeymoon to convince Elizabeth to go. So Thursday and Friday were spent finishing up as much work as she could get done, visiting the office to tie up any loose ends and let her staff know that she would be out of town for a bit, and spending her free time relaxing with Harry.

Harry seemed to be spending his free time either watching movies, writing emails, on phone calls, or, what Elizabeth assumed, writing new songs. By the end of the week it was pretty much tradition to end the day sharing a sleeve of oreos and going on a late night walk around town. Luckily her neighborhood wasn’t too busy so no one was hardly ever outside to notice them. At least there was no buzz in the tabloids on Harry’s whereabouts since his appearance at the club the previous weekend.

“Well, with the help of Judy I can be pretty persuasive,” Harry grinned at her, turning into a gated lot. A small plane was parked in the middle of a huge runway with a couple people standing around the bottom of the stairs and a few other cars parked around it. Harry must have noticed Elizabeth’s uneasiness as he parked the car because he squeezed her hand and whispered, “Don’t be nervous, it’ll be fine. I already warned my manager that you’d be tagging along and the band is excited to meet you.”

Elizabeth nodded and the two of them stepped out of the car, letting the wind whip her hair around, clutching onto her purse and laptop bag that hung around her shoulder. Harry walked beside her, his hand on the small of her back, leading her over towards two men and one woman, handing his car keys to one of the men. They all greeted Harry with high-fives and hugs before smiling at Elizabeth.

Harry started the introductions, “Elizabeth this is Jeffrey, my manager,” he introduced the man he gave his keys to and continued, “Lisa does videography and photography whenever we travel, and Kenneth is my bodyguard. We keep him around whenever we travel for work, but usually he’ll only be with us when we’re at interviews and such.”

“Very nice to meet you,” Lisa smiled sweetly, shaking Elizabeth’s hand and earning a nod from Kenneth.

“So you’re Harry’s old school friend, are you?” Jeffrey asked, and joked, “I heard he practically bullied you into coming?”

Elizabeth let out a small chuckle, “Yeah, he just keeps nagging you until you say yes!”

“I know the feeling,” Jeffrey nodded as they all laughed, “Handsome boy, but dead annoying. Don’t worry, we’ll keep you company whenever Harry’s preoccupied. I bet we’re more fun than him anyways.”

“Excuse me, I take offence to that,” Harry jested.

“As you should,” Jeffrey said before looking between the both of them, “So you’ve both got your passports with ya, then? Great. Go on up, then. Everyone’s in there waiting.”

Harry nodded and led Elizabeth towards the steps of the private airplane, almost reaching for her hand before she lightly pushed it away, unsure of what them holding hands might look like. He didn’t seem too phased by that and continued on up. Harmonious shouting occurred as the two walked further onto the plane. Harry gestured for her to sit in the window seat while introducing her to his backing band members Mitch, Sarah, Adam, Ny, and Charlotte. Elicabeth’s worry of what Harry’s friends’ and crew would think of her started to disappear as they got to talking. 

An airport worker came to load the bags from Harry’s trunk to the airplane before taking his car away and within thirty minutes they were ready for takeoff. Airplane safety instructions were given and as soon as they were in the air Jeffrey gave everyone the rundown. It would be an eleven and a half hour flight. They would arrive in LA at nearly 3 PM their time. Immediately from landing they would head straight to hotel check-in where they got free reign for the rest of the night, though they were given ‘strong suggestions’ to make it an early night as they had to be up by 6 AM to head to their first performance at a news station. The performance wouldn’t be until 8 AM, but they needed to get their equipment set up and rehearse.

“So, wait, did they get me my own hotel room, or….?” Elizabeth whispered to Harry, not wanting the others to hear.

He whispered back, “No, I have a house in LA, so you’ll be coming with me there. Everyone else has a hotel room. Except Sarah and Mitch share a room. They’re dating.”

Elizabeth nodded, understandingly, before Adam spoke, smiling, “So, Harry didn’t tell us much. Just that you two were friends since you were fourteen? Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Elizabeth confirmed, “Knew him before all of this….” she looked around at the airplane.

“Wow,” Adam nodded, “And was he a little shit back then, too?”

“Excuse me,” Harry interrupted, “Little shit? Watch your tone, sir. I’m a big shit. A big, masculine shit, thank you very much.”

They all continued to banter for a bit, making Elizabeth relax. They were all given lunch, but it didn’t take long before everyone started doing their own thing. Sarah and Mitch cuddled up and watched a movie, Adam and Ny started scrolling through their phones, Harry was talking with Jeffrey, and Charlotte fell asleep. Elizabeth used the time to get even more work done so that she could be completely free tomorrow. By 7 hours into the flight everyone seemed to take Charlotte’s lead and went to bed. 

It felt like seconds before Elizabeth was being shaken awake. She fluttered her eyes open, immediately looking out the window to notice their descent before looking over at Harry who was grinning at her. His hair was disheveled and a red mark was bright on his cheek from where he fell asleep on his wrist, clearly haven been just woken up.

“We’re getting ready to land,” his groggy voice drawled.

Elizabeth looked around to see most everyone else stirring awake and Mitch glancing between Harry and outside. He didn’t speak much, but when he did he was really sweet and very funny. She looked around sheepishly, unsure of what to do when they exited the plane as everyone was kind of unloading their things and going over details on when and where they would be meeting in the morning. Eventually an SUV pulled up and a man got out, waiting patiently. Jeffrey directed him to Harry and Elizabeth’s luggage and he began loading up the car.

Harry broke away from the group who all shouted a “see you later” at him and Elizabeth before the two of them slid into the SUV.

“You alright?” Harry asked her.

Elizabeth smiled coyly, “Yeah they’re all nicer than I thought they’d be. Was just a bit overwhelmed. I think I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I even came. And it’s so hot here, what the hell? It’s October in a few days' time!”

The car started off and Harry laughed, “We’re not in England anymore, that’s for sure. You get used to it, though,” he reassured before asking, “So I was just talking with Mitch about him and Sarah coming over tonight to chill out with us if that’s okay?”

Elizabeth shrugged, “Yeah, sure, why not? It’s not my house.”

“What do you say we grab some dinner first? It’s only 3:30, but I was thinking once we get back to my place we could get our stuff settled and then go out and grab something to eat?”

“Will people not notice you eating out with a random girl?”

“I’m not too worried about it, honestly,” Harry smiled, “What, do you not want to be seen with me?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be seen with you. It’s just...we’re still trying to figure this whole thing out and I don’t want it to then be made into a big deal for you.”

Harry smiled, “I’ll be fine, love. It’s just dinner.”

Her heart fluttered a bit. When they got to Harry’s house, Elizabeth looked around in awe. It was, for all intents and purposes, a mansion. Sleek and modern, it had four bedrooms and six bathrooms. Who needs six bathrooms?! It even had a heated outdoor pool and hot tub. There wasn’t much in the way of decoration, but she figured it’s probably because he’s just a guy and he spends more time in England, anyway. 

She followed Harry with her luggage up to Harry’s room and dropped them in the corner. He decided to take a quick shower while she got situated, touching up her makeup and unloading some of her clothes. She had been in the middle of a text to Matt when Harry walked out of the bathroom. A towel was wrapped around his waist, his water glistened on his skin and his hair looked like a wet mop.

“You can’t just come in here lookin like that,” she motioned vaguely at him, sitting up on his bed.

“It’s my bedroom!” he retorted, ruffling his hair, “Am I making you nervous?”

Elizabeth groaned, “Don’t do this to me. I’m starving! I can’t think straight on an empty stomach.”

He laughed, dropping his towel, exposing himself, before pulling on a pair of briefs, “You know, I’m starting to think you’re just using me for my body.”

“I definitely am just using you for your body!” Elizabeth joked, “You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

“None at all.”

It was 5:30 by the time they were ready to get dinner. There was a chinese food place not too far from his house that they decided they wanted to eat at. It wasn’t too fancy, so Elizabeth didn’t bother changing her clothes before heading over there. Parking was horrendous in LA, so they had to park a block away, but luckily the restaurant wasn’t too crazy for a Saturday night. He informed her that most people in LA either postmated their food, or ate later in the evening. 

The staff did recognize him, so they were able to get a seat at a booth towards the back. Dinner was fantastic. They were able to sneak a few quick hand-holds in before finishing up. On the way to the car they heard a few people shout Harry’s name at a distance, but he didn’t seem to pay any mind to it as he took her hand and led her to the car. While driving out of the lot, though, she noticed a man with a camera on the corner snapping a few pictures of his car.

“Harry?” she questioned, slightly concerned.

“Yeah, I see him,” he acknowledged, biting his cheek.

She decided to drop it and they continued back to Harry’s house. 

Mitch and Sarah had arrived a little after 8 PM after the sun had set. The four of them took some wine and a pack of oreos to Harry’s seating area beside the pool in the back, Mitch and Sarah on a couch across from Elizabeth and Harry, and got to know Elizabeth some more while music played softly over his house speakers. They had asked about the friendship with Harry when they were younger, told stories of their childhood, and talked about their current lives. Harry and Elizabeth shared a sleeve of oreos, again, joking about it with his bandmates before putting it away. She felt like they could really open up to them, like they were forming a real friendship.

“I can’t believe you almost got into a fight with her ex boyfriend!” Sarah put a hand on her cheek, “Good on you, though. He sounds like a creep, no offence.”

“None taken,” Elizabeth nodded, taking a sip from her glass of wine, “It was a long time coming.”

“It must be nice to still have close friends from when you were just children,” Mitch commented and turned to Harry, “Do you feel like you missed out? I mean, I know you said you had lost touch for a while, but….?”

Harry nodded, “Yeah. But I’m just glad to be back in it now. That’s why I practically forced her to come with me. I didn’t want to have a repeat of last time.”

Mitch and Sarah nodded in silence, but the stare Mitch gave seemed almost like he was peering into their soul. He finally spoke again, “Alright, so you two are dating then, or?”

Elizabeth glanced at Harry seeing a shocked smile form on his face, “Uhm...no. We’re not officially dating yet.”

“What does that even mean?” Sarah grinned, furrowing her eyebrows at the two of them.

Harry cleared his throat, “Jesus, with the interrogation tonight. It means that we’re enjoying each other’s company and elevating our friendship slowly.”

“You sure do have a way with words, don’t you?” Elizabeth laughed. “I’m just...not ready to have that official label yet, so for now I’m just a ‘friend’..”

Mitch nodded, “I understand. You just need to dip your toe into this world first.”

“Exactly!”

They spent a little more time talking until the song ‘Comethru’ by Jeremy Zuker started playing on the speakers.

“Oh, I love this song!” Elizabeth exclaimed, swaying in her seat. 

Harry looked over at her with a smile before standing up and offering his hand for a dance. Elizabeth looked at it hesitantly, and slightly embarrassed, taking a peak at Mitch and Sarah. They smiled kindly at her and Harry, so Elizabeth took this as a sign that it was okay and took his hand. He led her a few feet over towards the pool a bit more before turning to her, draping her free hand on his shoulder before wrapping an arm around her waist, still holding onto her other hand. She relaxed her head into Harry’s chest as the two swayed. In seconds Mitch and Sarah joined them, dancing under the stars.

The next, more upbeat song began to play and Mitch turned to them, “Oh, Harry, that reminds me. I had a few more ideas for those songs we were working on if I can show you real quick?”

Harry nervously switched footing, breaking apart from Elizabeth, “Uh, yeah. Let’s just go into the office,” he looked hesitantly at the girls, “Are you two okay for a bit?”

“I think we can manage,” Elizabeth snorted, making Sarah laugh.

KEEP READING

[yourdeepestfathoms]

God Forgive Us All (part three)

[Carrie AU]

Part 1 Part 2

(Read Anne as Courtney!Anne)

Word Count: 3560

TW: Anne and Cathy have to explain what a period is to a teenager so if that bothers you then beware

-------------

Dreamer In Disguise

 “I-I made you cookies!”

A platter of lumpy, cinnamon-sprinkled cookies covered in a thin plastic wrapping was held up to Anne. She glanced at them, then at the nervous, but excited girl offering them to her. She smiled and took one.

  “Thank you, Joan.” She said. She took a bite and Joan clenched her fingers around the plate expectantly.

The cookies were a tad too salty and a little hard, but good nonetheless. 

  “These are really good!” Anne said and Joan sighed in relief.

  “Thank you, Miss Anne,” She said, cracking a small smile. “I-I have to go find Miss Cathy and Miss Aragon and give them some!”

Anne shook her head fondly as Joan scampered off. The cookies really did help with the hour of warmups with Aragon and then rehearsals. It was so good to see Joan opening a little bit more.

But that all ended when the workday came to a close and Anne and Cathy walked out into the theater lobby to leave to find Joan slumped against the wall, hugging her knees.

  “Joan?” Anne said as they hurried over to her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Oh. H-hi.” Joan croaked. “I-I missed my bus...”

  “Ah,” Anne nodded. “Well, why don’t you call your mum to pick you up?”

  “I tried,” Joan said. “She’s in one of her...moods.” She hugged her knees tighter. “I-I don’t wanna go home when she’s like that, anyway...”

Anne and Cathy exchanged worried frowns. Cathy crouched down next to Joan and set a hand on her shoulder.

  “Why don’t you come to stay with us for the night?” She offered.

Joan’s eyes went wide. “R-really?” She looked up at Anne, who smiled at her. “Like...like a sleepover?”

  “Yeah!” Cathy nodded. “Like a sleepover!”

  “I-I’ve never had a sleepover before,” Joan said wistfully. “C-can I really?”

  “Of course,” Cathy said. “Come on. Up with you!”

She got Joan to her feet and they all walked out to the car. Joan was quiet for most of the ride, just listening to the radio she had never heard pop music before. Though, Anne nor Cathy wouldn’t be surprised if her mother only let her listen to church songs and gospel music.

It wasn’t until they parked in the apartment complex parking lot that Anne and Cathy realized how strange what they were doing was. They were bringing home a sixteen-year-old girl they had no relation to at all. If it were anyone else, like Kitty or Maggie, they might have been a little uneasy, but Joan...

With Joan, it just felt right.

  “Welcome to our humble abode,” Anne said grandly, unlocking and opening the front door. Cathy walked in first, followed by Joan. Anne locked the door behind them after stepping inside.

  “Make yourself at home!” Cathy said as she was turning on the lights.

Joan looked around the apartment, curiosity glinting in her eyes. When she was done examining every inch of the living room, dining room, and kitchen, she hooked her bag on one of the dining table chairs and walked over to Anne and Cathy. They both noticed that she kept glancing over at the dining room the most- was she looking for something?

  “Joan?” Anne said.

  “S-sorry.” Joan stammered. She reached up to instinctively mess with her necklace, but Anne caught her hand and held it in her own, stroking the knuckles with her thumb.

  “It’s alright, sweetheart,” Anne assured her. “We were just about to order something to eat. Do you like pizza?”

  “I’ve only had it a few times,” Joan admitted shyly. “Back when I was still in school. Sometimes they did these pizza parties. But, umm. Yeah, I like it.”

  “Any particular kind?” Cathy asked. She looked up from her laptop, where she was already on some pizza shop’s website.

  “Cheese?” Joan said and Cathy nodded and smiled.

  “You don’t go to school anymore?” Anne asked.

  “Oh.” Joan looked a little awkward. “I-I’m homeschooled. Actual school—it wasn’t working out.”

Anne frowned slightly. “How come?”

Joan glanced up at her for a moment, then back to the dining room, and then focused her gaze back on the tile floor. She worried her hands in her shirt.

  “Kids—were mean. To me.” She said in a tight voice. “Th-they called me names. Like ‘Maggot Meutas.’ And would write things on my desk. Mean things...”

  “Oh, Joan...” Anne hugged Joan gently and she hugged back. Anne can feel her nuzzle her face against her chest. Cathy looked up from her computer to frown sadly at the girl. “That’s so terrible. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

Joan shrugged casually. “It’s—fine.”

But it isn’t. Anne thought. Not in any way. And certainly not to her. She studied the girl hugging onto her. She’s embarrassed about admitting her treatment because she thinks she deserved it and is also humiliated by it, but she wants to be comforted. She wants people to feel bad for her so they’ll finally take care of her. Because nobody ever does.

  “Stop reading people, Annie.” Cathy chided playfully, not looking up from her computer. Anne ruffled and stuck her tongue out at the smirk her girlfriend was giving the screen.

  “Wh-what?” Joan looked up at Anne with a confused expression.

  “Nothing, sweet girl,” Anne said dismissively, stroking down a few locks of wild blonde hair on Joan’s head.

  “D-did I do something?” Joan asked nervously. “I’m sorry...”

  “No, no,” Anne said. “You’re being absolutely wonderful, Joan. You have done nothing wrong, I promise.”

Joan hesitated for just a moment, then nodded. She didn’t seem entirely convinced and that was making her glance more and more at the dining room.

What is it? What are you scared of? Anne so desperately wanted to ask. What do I need to protect you from?

A ringtone then went off. Joan jolted and scrambled to take her phone out of her back pocket. It was an iPhone 5, Anne noticed. Joan must have had it for a long time since Anne was pretty sure those models weren’t made or even sold anymore.

  “Hello?” Joan said into the phone. She begrudgingly pulled herself away from Anne, stepped into the dining room, and then immediately went to the living room when she cast an anxious glance up at the ceiling above the table. “Mama?”

Anne really hadn’t been wanting to snoop, but not she had to. Besides, Cathy was definitely listening in, anyway.

  “I told you, mama, I missed my bus.” Pause. “I-it was an accident!” Pause. “N-no, I’m safe. I’m staying with some friends.” Pause. Joan wrinkled her nose a little. “Yes, mama. Friends. Their names are Cathy and Anne. They’re—” She glanced over at the pair and they tried to look like they weren’t eavesdropping. “—sisters.”

Anne couldn’t help but make a face at that, but then instantly knew why such an excuse was needed. If Joan’s mother seemed as crazy religious as Joan made her out to be then she definitely wouldn’t approve of homosexuality and her daughter staying with two lesbians. She glanced at Cathy and saw that she was giving Joan a sympathetic look.

That made Anne think—what if Joan ended up being gay? Or bi? Or ace? Or anything but heterosexual? Cathy’s parents were very accepting of her sexuality and absolutely adored Anne, while Anne had the misfortune of having parents that were “okay with it as long as she never brought it up”. Not the worst treatment, but definitely irritating when she had been younger. But she couldn’t even begin to imagine how Joan would be treated by her mother if she turned out to be LGBTQ+ in some way. She didn’t want to think about what would happen to her.

  “No, no, mama,” Joan had been saying when Anne finally tore her thoughts away from Joan being killed or brainwashed into being heterosexual by a church, “I’m okay, I’m okay, I promise. Cathy and Anne are really nice, I’m telling you!” Pause. She went very rigid. “Wh-what?” Pause. “O-okay.” She turned to Anne and Cathy and stammered, “Sh-she wants to talk to one of you.”

Cathy stepped up before Anne could even really process what had been said and took the phone, saying, “Hello” in her best please-don’t-think-I-kidnapped-your-daughter voice.

Joan scampered over to Anne and went straight into her arms. Anne was slightly shocked at how she willingly went into the hug but pleased nonetheless. She was thrilled to know Joan trusted her enough to cling to her in such a way.

  “There there,” Anne murmured, stroking Joan’s hair. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay.”

  “I-I’m sorry, M-Miss Anne,” Joan whimpered. “I-I know you and Cathy a-aren’t sisters—”

  “Joan, it’s okay.” Anne assured her. “I understand. Trust me, before I told my parents Cathy and I were dating I would say she was my ‘Latin tutor’.”

  “B-but you’re allowed to kiss your Latin tutor,” Joan pointed out. “Not your sister...”

Anne chuckled, filling with endearment. “Well, it’s a good thing she isn’t my sister then, huh?”

  “Yeah,” Joan nodded slightly. She rested her head on Anne’s chest, taking a deep breath. “S-sorry—for freaking out.”

  “No need to apologize,” Anne said. “You’re all good!”

Joan nodded again. She kept her head on Anne’s chest until Cathy walked back over and gave her back her phone. She said goodbye to her mother and told her she loved her before hanging up.

  “I bet she’s great at parties,” Cathy chuckled, making Joan blush shyly. “I smoothed things over, Joan. Don’t worry. She said you can stay here.”

Joan breathed out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad. I-I was really scared for a minute that she would...” She shook her head. “I’m glad I can stay.”

She would what? Anne asked in her head. What does she do to you?

  “Us too,” Cathy said with a grin. “Because I don’t think Anne and I can eat all I pizza I ordered by ourselves.”

  “How much did you buy?!” Anne asked, whipping her head around to her girlfriend. At the same time, she heard Joan giggle softly- actually giggle- and it was the sweetest, most adorable sound she’s ever heard before.

  “Not that much!” Cathy said. “I was joking!”

Joan giggled again and Cathy and Anne beamed at her. But then they both frowned in worry when she suddenly gasped in pain and her arms coiled tightly around her stomach.

  “Joan?” Anne steadied her when she began to wobble. “What’s wrong?”

  “I-it hurts,” Joan whispered fearfully. “M-Miss Anne, it hurts! Wh-what’s g-going on?! Why d-does it hurt?!”

Oh dear. Anne thought.

Joan really didn’t know anything about menstruation. She was working herself up into a proper panic attack, whimpering and squeezing her stomach tighter.

  “Hey, hey,” Anne guided her to look at her. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

  “No, no-” Joan shook her head. “I-it hurts!”

  “I know it hurts, sweetheart.” Anne said.

  “You’re having cramps.” Cathy told her. “I’ll get a hot water bottle and some Ibuprofen.” She quickly went to go bustle through the cabinets.

  “C-cramps?” Joan echoed nervously. “L-like a stomachache?”

  “Sorta.” Anne said. “But it’s down in this region,” She gestured towards Joan’s lower stomach. “Does it hurt bad?”

Joan nodded with a whimper. “Really bad.” She whispered. “L-like I’m gonna be sick...”

  “Do you think you are?” Anne asked. “We can go to the bathroom.”

  “I-I don’t wanna throw up,” Joan said miserably.

  “I know you don’t,” Anne said, brushing back a loose strand of hair from Joan’s pale face. “Why don’t we just sit down on the couch? Does that sound better?”

Joan nodded and Anne guided her over to the couch. She curled against her side, hugging tighter at her cramping stomach and squeezing her eyes shut.

  “Shh, shh,” Anne murmured when Joan whimpered. She began to rub her back comfortingly. “You’re okay, baby girl. You’re okay.”

  “Wh-what’s happening to me?” Joan asked fearfully. “I-is it the devil?”

Anne almost laughed, but then she saw that Joan was being completely serious and that the thought of the devil being inside of her was genuinely freaking her out. She shook her head.

  “No, Joan,” She said. “It’s not the devil. This is a completely normal thing. All girls go through it.”

  “Th-that’s what Miss Aragon said,” Joan said. “Does she bleed, too? And have cramps?”

Anne couldn’t bite back a laugh this time. “I’m sure she does, honey. It’s not really a thing you ask other women, though.”

  “Oh.” Joan blushed, and then asked anyway, “But—you. Even you? And Cathy?”

  “Yes,” Anne nodded. “And Jane and Maggie and Kitty and every other girl in the show. Although, Kitty’s came when she was twelve.” She tilted her head at Joan. “Yours was super late. What a peculiar little thing you are.”

  “It’s because I sinned...”

Anne gave another startled laugh. “What?”

  “I sinned.” Joan said, looking up at her. Her shimmering silver eyes were so obliviousness and unknowing to so many things. “M-my mama said that the blood is a curse—from God. And I sinned when I was showering with all those ladies two days ago. A-and I had lustful thoughts about them...” She looked back down, ashamed of herself.

  “Did you?” Anne asked.

  “I don’t think so,” Joan said. “I-I mean—they’re all very pretty, but I don’t want to— I wasn’t—”

  “Hey, hey. Breathe, baby.” Anne murmured, noticing that Joan was getting distressed again. “I believe you when you said you didn’t.”

Joan nodded. She shifted closer to Anne and then winced when another cramp seemed to seize her in a vice grip. She whimpered into Anne’s shirt.

Cathy walked back over holding two pills of Ibuprofen and a glass of water in one hand and a hot water bottle in the other. She gave the hot water bottle to Joan.

  “Hold that to your tummy, sweetheart,” Cathy told her. “And take these. They’ll help you feel better.”

Joan obeyed, swallowing down the pills and then holding the fuzzy hot water bottle close to her lower stomach. She rested her head against Anne’s arm, looking utterly miserable.

  “Joan,” Cathy said, sitting on the other side of the girl. “Do you know anything about what’s happening to you?”

Joan shook her head. “No... Why does it happen? Am I just bleeding for fun?”

Anne laughed and rubbed her head. Cathy smiled a little at her innocence.

  “I didn’t think we would be giving THIS talk today, Cath,” Anne said jokingly. 

  “Well, we have talked about adopting,” Cathy said. “This is like a rehearsal!”

Adopting, Anne remembered giddily. Adopting... She looked longingly down at the girl curled up against her.

  “Okay, so,” Cathy began with a clap of her hands. “Joan— Wait. When did you get pulled out of school?”

  “Last year.” Joan said.

  “So you would have had biology classes, didn’t you? Or those SexEd courses?”

  “Oh, no,” Joan shook her head. “My mama always made me opt out about that stuff.”

  “Well, that explains a lot,” Cathy said, then noticed the guilty look on Joan’s face. “No, no, sweetheart, it’s not your fault! I knew a girl who didn’t take the course one time.”

But not every single time. Anne thought.

  “Okay, so this may sound a little strange and it’s totally okay to be weirded out by it.” Cathy told Joan. “I was grossed out when I first heard about it, too. Basically your uterus is shedding its lining and it’s passing through your vagina and out of your body. This means that, technically, your body is capable of carrying and delivering a baby now. Every month, your uterus lines itself and waits a while. If at the end of the cycle, the egg cell prepared isn’t fertilized and embedded in the lining of the uterus, it sheds the lining to prepare a new one. Basically, your body finds out that you’re not pregnant, and cleans out everything to get it all ready and fresh again, just in case you get pregnant the next month around.”

Surprisingly, Joan didn’t look grossed out at all, just very, VERY confused. She looked up like she was deep in thought, trying to process all of that, and then finally said, “That’s weird. I could have babies now?” Her nose wrinkled at the thought.

“It’s possible, yes, but not at all a good idea.” Cathy said. “Your body might have a menstrual cycle now, but you’re not nearly mentally or physically ready to have kids yet.” She smiled slightly, glad that Joan was taking all the new information well.

Joan relaxed and nodded. “How do people get pregnant, then? You said the egg has to embed in the uterus, right? How does it know to do that?”

“Well, women have egg cells that contain half the DNA and chromosomes needed to make another human. These samples of DNA all come from you. That’s how children get to look so much like their parents. Men, then, have sperm cells that contain the other half of the DNA and chromosomes needed. The sperm fertilizes the egg and then pushes it up into the uterus. Once the fertilized egg is embedded in the uterus, that’s conception, and the woman is pregnant. This generally happens as a result of sexual intercourse.” Cathy replied to her easily and Anne gave her an amused look at how she explained this so smoothly. She would have to tease her over it when they were alone.

Joan nodded again, this time a little more knowing. “I know what that is.” She said.

Cathy raised an eyebrow, surprised. “Really?”

  “Mhm,” Joan said. “My mama told me about it. And warned me to never EVER do it. Not even after I get married, but the Bible says it’s okay once you’re wed!” She paused. “Are you guys married? Do YOU—”

  “That’s a conversation for another time!” Anne yelled, covering Joan’s mouth and the girl dissolved into adorable giggles. Cathy gave her a look that basically said, “Another time?”

  “How do the babies get each trait from their parents? I mean, if a baby gets half it’s DNA from its mum and half from its dad, why do I look like my mama but she always says I have my papa’s eyes?”

  “That’s a great question!” Cathy said and Anne laughed softly. “Some genes that are passed down are dominant and some are recessive. Your mother’s genes must have won out over most of your traits and was passed along to you, but your father’s eyes were dominant over hers.”

Joan took all this information in with surprising fascination. “How long do periods usually last?” She asked.

  “On average, they last between three to seven days and happen once a month.” Cathy answered.

  “I might bleed for seven days straight?”

  “There’s a possibility, yes.” 

Joan wrinkled her nose in an adorably grumpy way. “I don’t like that.”

  “Trust me, no woman does.” Cathy laughed. She perked up when the doorbell rang. “Oh! Food’s here!” She got up to go answer the door.

  “Better now?” Anne asked.

  “I think so,” Joan nodded. “It is weird.”

Anne laughed and stroked her hair. “Yes, yes it is.”

  “Come on, you two!” Cathy called from the kitchen. “Before I eat it all!”

  “Oi! Don’t you dare!” Anne barked. She hauled Joan to her feet. “Come on! You heard the glutton!”

—

  “A daughter,” Cathy said.

  “Huh?” Anne turned away from the movie they had all been watching after dinner to look at her girlfriend.

  “A daughter,” Cathy said again, smiling softly down at the girl asleep with her head in her lap. “I want a daughter.”

  “Me too.” Anne grinned back at her. “A boy would be way too hard to manage.”

  “Yeah,” Cathy laughed. “But also...there’s just something that draws me to a little girl.”

  “You are a lesbian,” Anne pointed out. “You do prefer girls.”

  “Really?” Cathy said. “I had no idea!”

  “You dork,” Anne nudged her playfully. “Keep your voice down you might wake her up.” She smiled lovingly down at Joan, who had fallen asleep with her head in Cathy’s lap halfway through the movie. “I told you Brave was boring.”

  “It is not!” Cathy ruffled. “It is a cinematic masterpiece!”

Joan stirred in her sleep. Cathy immediately quieted down and stroked Joan’s hair.

  “Shh, shh, go back to sleep,” She murmured when she saw Joan’s eyelids flutter slightly. “I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry.”

Joan calmed with a content sleepy noise.

  “Good job.” Anne tittered.

  “Hush up.” Cathy elbowed her lightly. “I will not make that mistake when we get a little girl of our own.”

  “Well,” Anne mused, “when you think about it, we kinda already have one.” She happily looked down at Joan again. Cathy sighed.

  “Annie...” Cathy said. “She has a mother. We can’t-”

  “We can!” Anne said. “Her mother clearly isn’t good to her. We can arrest her for child abuse! And then adopt Joan!”

Cathy shook her head, but didn’t comment.

  “I know what you’re thinking, Cath,” Anne said. “But there’s something special about her. I don’t know what it is, but I— I want her in my life. In OUR life.”

Cathy looked at her, then at Joan, and gently began to thread her fingers through her hair.

  “Well,” She said. “I wouldn’t have to give the period talk all over again...”

[foyetsnewhitlist]

Perfect- Chapter 6

masterlist | ch. 5 | ch. 7

Word Count: 1,580 words

POV: There's more to Jordan Sawyer then Reid or Garcia know but you can’t fill them in.

(This chapter is in Hotch’s perspective)

“Knock knock!” I hear (y/n) say in a sing-song voice.

“Come in,” I say.

“Do you have a minute? I have something I would like to talk to you about, it’s quite urgent.” They tell me, slipping into a chair.

“Yes of course. Have a seat and fill me in.”

“When I joined the team, I wasn’t completely honest. In the past, I was forced to do some.. pretty terrible things. However, I can assure you that I have hidden all evidence and turned my life around.” They say. At these words, my face remains neutral, although I am shocked on the inside.

“What kinds of things?” I ask cautiously.

“Oh, um, nothing serious, I just- I…” I stopped paying attention while they began to explain the things they’ve done. What they don’t know is that I know the truth about them. I know their true identity is Jordan Sawyer and who Jordan's parents are as well as where they live. I made special requests to get Jordan into the BAU, although they didn’t get a single question right on the test. They studied Creative Writing in college for crying out loud. Did they think I was that dumb? What Jordan doesn’t know is that they were added to the team as a way to investigate them. No one else on the team knows and it must stay that way until I get some intel worthy enough of-

“Sir?” Jordan says politely while interrupting my train of thought.

“Yes, sorry, I was just taking in all of this information.”

“So, you aren’t mad that I stole something from the mall when I was a teenager and had minor charges on my record?”

“No of course not. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”

“Of course sir. It had been weighing down on me since I started. I was just too intimidated by you to speak up immediately. I wanted to be the first to tell you because I overheard Reid and Garcia talking about doing a deep dive into my past. I don’t think they like me, and they sure don’t trust me. Again I am so-” there's a sudden rap on my door three times, waiting to be invited in. “Come in.” I finally say, meeting Reid’s eye from inside my office.

“Hotch we have something important to tell you!“ Garcia and Reid blurt out in unison.

“We were just talking about you guys.” The door opens to reveal Jordan, sitting on a chair with their hands folded over their lap.

“So, (y/n) had some pretty interesting things to tell me about the two of you,” I say, emotionless in an attempt to make them think I’m on Jordan's side.

“What do you mean?” Garcia asks shakily.

“They’re lying Hotch,” Reid shouts, I can practically hear his heart pounding in his chest.

“So you mean to tell me you didn’t go snooping around (y/n)’s past?”

“Well, yes, but no, that’s not what-” Garcia fumbles

“I told you, sir, they don’t trust me!” Jordan interrupts.

“Thank you for telling me (y/n), you can go now. I’ll deal with them in private.”

“Yes sir.” Jordan stands up, smoothing their hands over their slacks. Jordan walks out of the room, smiling at Garcia and Reid as they leave. I can see Jordan's mouth move on her way out but can’t quite make out what they said.

“Both of you, sit. (Y/n) had some interesting things to share with me, but I would like your side before I make any decisions.” I say to them in a no-nonsense tone. I hate having to treat my team like this but they don’t know why I’m doing this. Not yet at least.

“Reid had his doubts and asked me to do a deep dive on (y/n) because we’re a family, and we need to make sure no one bad is part of it.” Garcia begins to explain.

“Did you find anything?” I question, cutting Garcia off.

“Yes!” Garcia exclaims “Their real name is Jordan Sawyer, they went to Shaw University, which doesn’t even have any classes to become an FBI agent, and they almost failed all of their tests and barely got into college, their parents are alive and well and live in North Carolina, not New Jersey, and, well…” Garcia trails off.

“Well, what?” I prodded.

“They’ve.. done some pretty gruesome things.” Reid joins in.

“If you would let me grab my laptop I could show you, I don’t feel comfortable saying any of it,” Garcia says.

“No. I’ve heard enough.” I shake my head and lean back in my chair.

“Hotch, you have to believe us! We wouldn’t tell you if it wasn’t true! Please let us show you!” Reid begs of me. But I must keep the facade going.

“Get out. We have a new case, go gather the team-up. (Y/n) included. And do NOT spread this misinformation to the rest of the team. If you go snooping any further I will have to revoke your badges. Do the right thing and stay out of it.” I order them, whilst being dangerously calm.

“Yes sir.” Garcia and Reid say in unison, practically running out of my office. Once they are out I open my drawer and pull out my journal to document my thoughts as well as a classified file to review. It’s Jordan’s file. What the team doesn't know is that Jordan is a heinous killer with no remorse, one of the worst killers in history. Worse than the Zodiac and Ted Bundy himself. What sets them apart is that Jordan has a team of hundreds of people behind them cleaning up all evidence. After each mission, Jordan gains a new identity and consumes a new life. From what we know, Jordan has had 17 different identities and is only 26 years old. They complete their mission within weeks for the most part, despite not being bright in school. They are well versed in every criminal act you could think of. To my knowledge, Jordan’s next mission is to destroy the entire BAU by murdering every person in the FBI and taking over the building. That’s why I made arrangements for them to be put on the team so I can watch and profile them. I’m not surprised Reid was the first one to catch on, but this is NOT good. Or maybe it is? I’m not sure yet. Should I tell the team or keep working the case on my own? I guess I’ll have to make that decision soon.

“Hey boss man, we’re waiting for you in the conference room. Garcia is ready to go over the case.” Rossi says from outside of my door making me stop in my tracks completely. I follow Rossi to the conference room.

“Perfect, now everyone is here. We have a case in our own backyard. Dale City, to be exact. Just 12 miles away. The unsub seems to be breaking into homes to steal things and well…” Garcia clicks her button and turns our attention to the screen behind her.

“These were taken at the last three crime scenes.”

“Based on these pictures our unsub seems to be meticulous and precise with what they’re doing,” JJ states,

“Given how organized the crime scenes are one may conclude that our unsub is suffering from a severe case of OCD.” Reid theorizes.

“They don’t seem to be the dominant type either,” Emily claims. I hardly hear what anyone is even saying. I'm hyper fixated on Jordan and observing their behavior. For some reason, they’ve been checking their watch every 5 minutes and their phone every few seconds.

“Jo- (y/n), is everything okay?” I almost blew my cover over such a simple question.

“Yes, I’m good boss. There were just some minor issues with my dog sitter but I can deal with it later.”

“You have a dog?” Morgan asks excitedly.

“Yes! I have a-” I cut Jordan off, “Wheels up in 30. Let’s get to the crime scenes before another one appears.”

“The cars are outside waiting on your arrival, sir.” Garcia quickly states in a worried tone. I hope her or Reid didn’t hear me almost give away the newbie's true identity.

“Morgan, Emily you two go to the most recent crime scene and see what you can find out. JJ, I want you to go to the local police department and gather as much information as you can and coordinate with Garcia. Reid, (y/n), you two go to the first and second crime scenes and see if you can find any patterns. Rossi and I will go speak with the latest victims' parents and get them into custody in case they are in danger. We will bring their parents back to the station and coordinate with JJ.”

“Okay, Hotch” Emily, Morgan, and JJ said.

“Uh- um okay sir,” Reid responds while being visibly confused.

“I’ll meet everyone outside in 5.” Everyone leaves and boards the cars and I pull out my journal once more to add that I decided to pair up Jordan and Reid to see if Reid catches onto anything and maybe finds out any information on them. He’s one of the best profilers I know. If anyone can secretly uncover someone's past behind my back, it’ll be him. Okay, I have to go meet up with the team before things get suspicious. I'll keep this journal updated as I gather new information. Time to go catch an unsub.

Tag List: @omgbigfluff @less-intelligent-spencerreid @louiscardinalsshi123 @ariccio50

My Editor: @the-beatles-are-better

[sunshinejs]

All My Love is Yours

if you see any spelling errors pls ignore it. I edited this on the flight and was sleepy af.

Songs I listened to while writing this (if you wanted a more emotional effect):

say you won’t let go - james arthur

marry me - train

be your everything - boys like girls

fallin all in you - shawn mendes

enchanted - taylor swift

lay me down - sam smith ft. john legend

a thousand years -christina perri

swear it again - westlife

can’t help falling in love - jess and gabriel (cover)

just the way you are - bruno mars

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Word count: 2.5k -ish

8 years, 5 months and 19 days. That was how long Connor has known you.

And how long have you two been together, you may ask? 

6 years, 4 months and 23 days. Connor was definitely counting. He would tell that to anyone who asked and he wouldn’t be embarrassed by it. Connor is THAT in love with you and he wanted the whole world to know it. 

Because to him, every minute he has spent with you counts. Every laughter, every smile, every tears, every arguments, every ups and downs; it counts. That’s what made the relationship last. That’s what made Connor and y/n what they are now; two teenagers who fell in love accidentally on purpose and still going strong years later. 

Connor was certain you were the one he wanted to spend his life with even before you two celebrated your first anniversary. He remembers himself rambling to his mother over the phone about how amazing you were and how your laugh is so contageous that he would be laughing along every time you were giggling. 

His mother thought it was cute; that her son finally found someone to love, someone to be head over heels over, but she didn’t think too much about it. It was when Connor introduced you to his family that his mother immediately knew what Connor was talking. After that, she was also convinced that you were the one for her boy and she prayed for it to be true; because she could see how perfect you two were for each other and Connor’s family absolutely adored you.

Being with someone for over 6 years was crazy to think. Connor thinks you deserve a trophy for sticking by his random and crazy antics for such a long time. But he also thinks that it’s finally time to pop the question.

xxx

You headed up to your study after dinner with Connor and your two best friends. Connor insisted they would do the dishes instead because he needed to talk to them without you around.

“Hmm” Brian hummed as he watched over Connor at the sink sceptically “You never offer to do the dishes for y/n, Brashier. So. what gives?

Connor shrugged in reply while rinsing off the soap from the plates “I just want to help my girlfriend out around the house. Is that so unbelievable?”

Shawn grins, shaking his head “Brian is right, Con and we all know it. So spit it out”

Damn these guys for knowing Connor too well.

He hangs the last plate at the drying rack and turned off the tap. He dries his hand with the kitchen towel before joining the other two at the island.

“I’m going to do it” Connor announced.

Shawn asks confusingly, “Do what?”

Connor breaks into a smile, saying “I’m going to ask her to marry me”

“Shut up!” Brian exclaimed loudly, voice full of excitement while he stares at his best friend “For real?!?”

He laughs in respond, nodding in confirmation “For real”

“Dude!” Shawn grinned, moving over to Connor’s side so he could give him a hug “I’m so happy for you!”

“Fuck yeah!” Brian cried, joining in the group hug “Our Baby Brash isn’t a baby anymore!”

“Stop calling me that!” Connor rolled his eyes annoyedly, pushing his two best friends off him.

“Do you think… She’ll say yes?” He then asks hesitantly.

“Are you really asking us that?” Shawn deadpanned “Of course she’s going to say yes! You two are Connor and y/n. You’re bound to spend the rest of your lives together!”

Brian nodded in agreement “There’s no one else more perfect for each other than you two”

Oh, he hopes for that to be true.

“Would you go with me to find the perfect ring for her?” Connor asks.

“Con, it would be our honour” Shawn smiles at his friend before looking over at Brian “Bri, are you crying….?”

“Shut up! I’m emotional okay!”

xxx

The three guys were set to go for ring shopping that weekend. You were having a lunch reunion with your high school friends so Connor didn’t have to worry about explaining to you what they were doing for the rest of the day.

2 shops in, Connor still hasn’t found the right one. He was starting to think that maybe it was a sign from the universe but Brian smacked the back of his head, saying “You’re going to find that ring and you’re going to find it today! So take that negativity somewhere else, dumbass”

And Brian was right. 

Shawn got the name of this jewellery shop from his friend. He swears they do the prettiest engagement rings and Shawn just knew he had to take Connor here.

“Take a deep breath” Shawn instructed Connor as they stood in front of the store “You’re going to get it from here. Trust me on this”

“Yeah” Connor agreed “I’m going to find it”

And so, he did.

It was the first ring he laid his eyes on when he walks up to the counter displaying all the rings. He was scanning through the various shapes and sizes of rings, then he caught a glance of this one.

To him, it was basically screaming how perfect it would be our your ring finger. The details on the ring, the size of the diamond; it was all perfect. And Connor knew that this is the one.

It’s a little on the pricier side but he didn’t mind. He gets it engraved (because Connor loved being extra whenever it comes to you) on the inner side of the ring.

all my love is yours always.

It’s cheesy but he didn’t care. He would be the cheesiest man in the world when it comes to you.

He gets home before you do and he immediately keeps it hidden in his side of the closet. That day, Connor couldn't stop smiling and no matter how many times you asked him why was he so chirpy, his response is “I’ve got the best girl in the world with me right now. I think that’s a valid reason to be grinning like a mad man” 

xxx

a month later

“Hey babe?” Connor looked up from his paperwork. You sat across from him with your own pile of work on a Saturday (early) morning, something you both did very often together.

You hummed in response, looking at him “Yeah, bubs?”

“Mom asked if you were down to spend the afternoon with her” Connor waved his phone as an indication “She’s in desperate need of a girl’s day”

That was the plan. He needed you out of the house for a few hours while he gets everything into place and his mom was more than happy to be a distraction for you.

“Today?” You ask immediately “I guess I could use one too. It’s been a rough couple of days at the office”

“Exactly!” Connor agreed “Take a break then? Spend the day with ma”

“Yeah, I’ll give her a call in a bit” You nodded, smiling “Are we stil on for date night?”

“Always” He reassured “Is pizza okay with you?”

“You know that’s my favourite kind of date night, Con”

So, a few hours later you left Connor alone at home to spend the day with his mother. That was when he got to work.

He has been compiling all the stuff he needs for tonight and shoved them all in his equipment room, knowing you wouldn’t step into the room unless Connor was calling for you from the room.

Connor starts with hanging up the fairy light around the living room. He knew how much you loved them; always telling him how magical they looked like. After that was set up, he took the bag filled with rose petals and spread them on the floor of your living room in the shape of a filled giant heart then set-up a table for two in the middle of the room.

He even cooked your favourite meal (the only one he was a master at) instead of having takeaway pizza for dinner because he wanted everything to be perfect for this moment; to show you how much he loves you and would do anything if it meant to see that smile on your face.

Connor has been working on the compilation of your relationship’s montage for about 3 weeks now. He sneaks off to his equipment room on most nights and you don’t bother him; assuming he was just busy with the workload he was getting. There were so many photos and videos of you two together and he wanted to put as much into the montage as possible.

His mother texts him, giving him the signal that they were done and you were probably 30 minutes away from home. He grabbed the projector and his laptop then made his way to the living room to do the final set-up.

When Connor heard the front door jiggle, his legs started to shake and there were butterflies in his stomach. 

This is really happening. He thought to himself. There’s no turning back.

You walked through the front door, confused as to why there were lack of lights in the house. “Con?” You called out to him, slipping off your shoes and putting them neatly at the shoe rack by the door.

“Living room, babe!”

When you got to the destination, your jaws dropped at the set-up before you. There were fairy lights everywhere, flower petals on the floor, a table set-up for two. You were stunned.

“Con?” You gawked “What’s all this?”

“Surprise!” Connor cheers, making his way towards you. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, “Do you like it?”

“Bubs, this is amazing” You gushed, looking around at all the decoration “But what’s the occasion? Did I miss something?” You asked confusingly.

He chuckles and took a hold of your wrist and led you towards the table, dropping off your bag at the couch in the process.

“No you didn’t, baby” He insisted, pulling the chair out for you “I just wanted to do something nice for date night. We’ve had a pretty rough week at work and I thought it’s what we deserve”

“You’re amazing, Connor David Brashier” You sighed happily as you waited for him to sit across from you. You eyed the spaghetti and meatballs set in front of you “You cooked dinner? What happened to pizza?”

“It was a part of the surprise, silly!” He smiles “Now stop talking and let’s eat. What did you and ma do today?”

xxx

“Why do you have the projector out?” You asked confusingly after you two were done with dinner, notcing the equipment out along with his laptop. 

“Oh, right. I was working on a project for the past few weeks” He answered and you don’t miss how nervous he suddenly sounded, but didn’t think too much about it “I wanted to show it to you and get your opinion on it”

“Of course” You nodded “You know I love watching whatever you work on, bubs”

Connor stood up from his seat and walked over to turn on the projector. You took a sip of your wine as you watched him press a few buttons on his laptop before he joined you again at the table.

“Give me your honest opinion okay?” He said nervously “Good or bad, just let me know”

“Baby, you know I always do” You reassured.

He pressed the play button on the remote and a countdown starts from 3… 2… 1…

The video starts with a photo where you two first met. At the bottom, Connor labeled it as where it all began.

And then you just knew he was lying about showing you his work project. Then next photo comes up with a photo of the restaurant where Connor took you for your first date, accompanied by a selfie that you took after dinner was over. Where we had our first date. And truthfully, it was the best first date of my life.

The next one was one at a Brashiers’ family event. You got along well with Connor’s little cousin and she thinks of you like her older sister. While you were playing with her; giggling with one another, Connor snapped a beautiful picture of you both. He labelled it as the woman who my family loves so much.

You smiled as more photos and videos popped up one by one. Getting overwhelmed by all the nostalgic feeling, you could already feel the tears forming in your eyes. Connor put in so much of clips that you forgotten that you still had.

You were so into the video that you didn’t see Connor’s shift in movements. And when it got to the last part of the video, your breath hitched in your throat.

y/n, the love of my life, will you officially become Mrs. Connor Brashier?

That’s when you turned to Connor and already see him kneeling down on one knee with a velvet box in his hand.

“Connor” Your lips start to tremble as more tears were falling from your cheeks.

This was real, this was really happening.

Connor was no different that you. He had tears in his eyes, trying to find the right words to say. He prepared himself for this moment for weeks and he thought he had it in him to do it without breaking down, but he was wrong.

“y/n…” He choked out, smiling at you “You are the love of my life, my best friend, my rock, my everything. When I first laid my eyes on you, I just knew that I had to get to know you. And after we started dating, I knew you were the one for me. I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with”

“I want to be there through everything” He continued as his voice started to crack a little “Through every laughter and tears, through ever fights, through every pregnancy. I want to do stupid things together with you in the late morning, have kids with you, grow old with you and I want us to be those kind of couple who gets buried side by side”

“I don’t want to be in love if it’s not with you” He confirmed, opening the box in his hand; displaying to you the most beautiful ring you’ve ever set your eyes on “So y/n y/ln, please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed, letting out a mixture of a choked sob and laughter “Yes I’ll marry you, Connor David Brashier!”

Connor sighs in relief as he took the ring out of the box. His fingers were shaking as he slid the ring on your finger perfectly. Just like he expected, the ring suited your finger beautifully.

You leaned forward and buried your face in the crook of his neck; a mixture of your sobs were echoing in the room.

“I love you so much” You said in between sobs “I don’t want to do this with anyone else, Connor. It’s only you”

“I love you more, baby” He answered “And all my love is for you always, future Mrs. Brashier”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

reblog, like and leave your feedbacks for this!

x rina

TAG LIST:

@hurts-like-hell-xx

[cluttermind]

Without A Parachute (5/?) - Never Alone

Summary:  Emma worked tremendously hard to give herself a better chance. From group homes, to living in her car, to ivy league student, this English Major’s only solace was escaping her reality through books. One night, Emma comes home to find a small package with only her name on it written in beautiful calligraphy. The package contains a thick, brown leather journal. Emma soon learns that the fiction she writes in the journal eventually becomes reality. Will Emma learn to control this gift, or will she fall too fast into the temptation to change too much? With the help of her good friends August, Robin, and Elsa, and the mysterious, intriguing bartender of The Jolly Roger, Emma discovers just how easy it is to lose control, and how difficult it is to pick up the pieces.

Rating: M

Words: 17,806 total / 3,675 Ch 5

Read on ao3: Beginning | Current

Note: Thank you all for reading! I really appreciate it! I struggled SO MUCH with this particular chapter, rewrote the ended 4 times and before even writing it I had plotted multiple different ways this one could’ve gone. I hope you enjoy the sweet moments between Emma and Elsa and Emma and Killian!

//

Chapter 5

“Never Alone”

When the good times go bad

When the tears start to flow

You can ever be glad

You're never alone

You're never alone

And when you're lost out at sea

And the winds chill your bones

You can count on me

You're never alone

- Nathan Angelo, Count On Me

I was in the library. The mutterings in the halls that day were filled with news that Ivies had started to send out decisions. A mix of my classmates had been accepted, rejected, and waitlisted. All I wanted was to get out of this town on her own accord, make her own decisions, and finally have control.

I was at one of the computers, email and password typed in. I couldn’t bring myself to hit enter. I didn’t want to face the likely disappointment that waited for me on the other side of the log-in screen. What Ivy League would want an orphan who had to live in her tiny Bug just to have a consistent transcript? What Ivy League want’s a girl who’s gotten busted for shoplifting more times than she could count because she needed to eat? What Ivy League would want someone like me?

“Emma dear, what’s wrong?” I was startled out of my thoughts when I heard her voice behind me.

“Mary Margret.” I sighed, turning to her. Mary Margret was the one who helped me apply for application fee waivers, fill out my college applications, study for my AP exams and SAT exams. She was the only person who ever really cared about me. “Ivies apparently started to send out decisions.”

She set her hands on my shoulders. “Let’s find out for ourselves, shall we?” I clicked the log in button and held my breath.

Congratulations, Emma Swan! We are pleased to announce that you have been accepted to . . .

Yale.

Columbia.

Harvard.

Cornell.

My eyes were wide. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Mary Margret nearly yelled behind me, releasing her grip on my shoulders only to wrap her arms around me. Tears began falling down my face.

“I got almost a full scholarship to Cornell.” I had to say the words out loud. Otherwise, it would’ve felt too much like a dream.

“I told you, Emma! I’m so proud of you!”

Proud. No one had ever told her they were proud of her.

“I have something for you.” Mary Margret said before scurrying back to the librarian desk. She returned with a small black jewelry box. “I wanted to give it to you for your graduation but I just can't wait!”

I opened the box and inside was a beautiful, dainty 14K gold necklace with a gold book charm. “It’s beautiful. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. You’re a very special girl, Emma.”

***

Emma didn’t remember much as she started to come back to herself. Her dream had brought her back to a time where she was happy, a time where she felt loved and safe. The last thing Emma remembered was Killian’s eyes. Her eyes felt heavy as she struggled to open them and her throat felt dry as she struggled to speak.

“Killian?”

Elsa looked up from where she was sitting in a chair next to the bed Emma was in. “It’s Elsa,” she said, gently. “Killian’s just outside with August.”

Emma finally opened her eyes to see her friend. She was wrapped in comfortable sheets and a fluffy comforter. Sitting up in the unfamiliar bed, she looked around the room and didn’t recognize anything. “Where am I?”

“You’re in Killian’s apartment.” The curtains drawn over the doors threw her off. The last time she was in his apartment they were open and the glass doors gave the illusion that the apartment was bigger than it was. Elsa moved to sit on the bed next to Emma. “Do you remember anything that happened last night?”

Elsa had changed. She was in leggings and a sweatshirt. Her roommate had brought her a bag with a change of clothes along with Emma’s bag that was left in their dorm. Emma, however, was still in her dress and jacket from last night. Last night. She had a few drinks, over a few hours, enough that she was tipsy but not enough that she was drunk. Except she was, when she left. And a man . . . Her head was killing her, every inch of her body was in pain. She felt like she had been hit by a truck.

Emma swallowed hard, pulling her jacket tighter around her. “I don’t know.” Elsa handed her the glass of water that was on the nightstand. Emma slowly took a sip and set it down again.

“Emma,” Elsa took a deep breath, her tears pooling in her eyes. “You left the bar, you said you had a headache. You left your phone on the bar though. Killian ran out once he noticed it and tried to catch up to you. He saw some guy holding you and . . . dragging you along with him.” Elsa took a deep breath, trying to be strong for her friend. “God, I heard him scream over the music. He said the guy tossed you to the ground and you hit your head. You passed out and we brought you up here.”

Everything was rushing back to Emma faster than rocks fall during a landslide. She felt like she was being buried under the weight of the fear, the pain, the guilt that consumed her. “I didn’t drink that much,” Emma said, defensively, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Emma. No one is blaming you. None of this is your fault.” Elsa sighed and gently rested her hand on top of her friend’s. Emma couldn’t stand to be touched though. She felt wrong. She felt dirty. She felt like a shell of the person she was before. Because that’s what this created. It was a wall that divided her life, her being, her soul. There was a before. Before she let herself feel free for a night. Before she let herself lose a little control and dress a little sexier and let herself feel happy. Emma realized that she was in the after. After being unable to fight back. After choosing to leave alone. After the damage. Damaged. The word kept popping back up into her head, poisoning the memories that, on any other occasion, would be on constant replay like a new favorite song. Flashbacks of kissing Killian on a make-shift dance floor. Damaged. Flashbacks of his arms wrapped tightly around her. Damaged. Flashbacks of their shameless flirting. Damaged. Flashbacks of the desire she had seen in the deep blue of his eyes. Damaged.

Elsa watched as her best friend battled a war behind her eyes. There was nothing to say in that moment could have made anything better. The light was out in Emma’s eyes. Her green eyes usually shined bright, as if Emma had something to prove in every single thing she did, as if she was always in control, as if she was always simultaneously day dreaming and living a life she had dreamed of. It was a light that was unique to Emma. That day, that light was trapped behind a new darkness.

“You’re okay, Emma. You’re safe now. I promise,” was all Elsa could manage.

“If Killian hadn’t . . .” Emma’s voice trailed off.

“But he did. And you’re safe.”

Emma nodded and her gaze turned to her hands. Elsa sat with her friend for a while in silence before finally speaking again. “Do you want me to get Killian?”

Emma hesitated before shaking her head no. She wasn’t ready for him to see her this broken. All at once she needed more time and needed him with her.

“Do you want me to walk you home?”

Emma shook her head again.

“Do you want to be alone?”

Emma squeezed her eyes shut as tears started to fall. She shook her head no and leaned into Elsa, her head resting on Elsa’s shoulder. Elsa’s arms wrapped around her, rubbing her back soothingly. “Let it out, Emma.” Emma’s entire body shook with sobs. Tears started to escape from Elsa’s eyes as well. She was crying with and for her friend. They were best friends nearly instantly. They danced out their feelings together. They aggressively binged Grey’s Anatomy together (hence the dancing it out). Emma went to protests and rallies just to support Elsa. Elsa was always the first person who read anything Emma wrote. They mocked sexism in literature and praised classical feminist authors together. They ate lunch together as often as possible. When one of them was hurt, the other was hurt.

Killian and August heard Emma crying from the other room. Killian swore he felt his heart break in his chest.

“She’ll be okay,” August noted.

***

Elsa eventually emerged from Killian’s bedroom when the sun was starting to set, closing the door behind her. Killian immediately stood up and turned to her.

“How is she?” He asked. He hadn’t slept at all. His hair was tousled from running his hands through it all night. He, August and Elsa had taken turns sitting with Emma while she was out so that they could each try and get some sleep and so that someone was always with Emma. Robin tried to come when he finally emerged from his rendezvous with Regina but Elsa convinced him they had it handled and that he should enjoy his Sunday. Of course he was incapable of that, though, and unbeknownst to the rest of them, spent the day perusing the internet on his laptop in the pub, waiting for one of them to eventually come down. None of them were able to stomach the thought of eating anything.

Elsa sighed. “She’ll be okay. She probably needs food and a shower, likely some Advil. She shouldn’t go to class tomorrow, she really needs to rest.”

August’s stomach growled. “I think we all need food.”

“Why don’t you guys head downstairs and eat something? It’s on the house. I think Ruby should be managing.” Killian said, pulling his phone out to text Ruby to give them anything they want for free. “I can stay with Emma and make sure she eats something.”

Elsa nodded. “She was asking about you before I left. I think August and I can head out if you think you’re okay here? I put her bag in your room. There should be a change of clothes and shoes, her journal, her laptop, and her macro textbook but don’t let her read it. Tell her to take a break for once.”

“Thank you,” Killian said. “I’ll keep you updated.”  Elsa threw her bag over her shoulder and they said goodbye. When the door to his apartment closed, Killian slowly opened the door to his bedroom, poking his head in. “Emma?” He asked, softly, his accent thick with concern. Closing the door behind him, Killian walked to sit at the foot of the bed.

Emma was laying on her side curled up under the covers, her face nearly buried in the pillow. She breathed in the faintly familiar scent of Killian lingering on the pillowcase. “Killian?” She managed when she finally found her voice. The way his name felt on her lips gave her a shimmer of hope that this darkness enveloping her would fade eventually.

Killian let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and rested his hand over her foot. “I’m here, love.” Emma turned to look at him, all the words she wished she could day racing around her mind. Thank you, she thought. Thank you. Don’t leave. I need you. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t . . .

His voice pulled her out of her spiral. “Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll find you some fresh clothes to change into,” he suggested.

She nodded, slowly sliding out of the comfort of the covers. Everything hurt when she stood. A hot shower was exactly what she needed. Killian motioned to the door that led to his bathroom.

“There’s a clean towel on the back of the door. Just turn the knob towards you to make the water hotter and use whatever’s in there.”

Emma made her way to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. The feeling of being alone started to sink in as she turned the water on in the shower, allowing it to get hot before she’d step in. She slid her jacket off and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. That’s when she saw it.

Her hair was a mess and her eyes were a little red from crying. On her upper left arm there was a large bruise, wrapping almost entirely around her bicep. Her hand moved to gently brush over it. On contact, Emma winced and remembered. She remembered him grabbing her arm, holding her against him. She remembered how he tightened his grip multiple times. But now, looking in the mirror that was slowly starting to fog, she realized that he had both taken her necklace, the only gift she had ever gotten in her entire life, and branded her. He had marked her and taken a token. He damaged her. Damaged. The realization that he had left his mark on her made Emma sick. She dashed to the toilet, violently throwing up, as if her body was rejecting any remnants of his touch.

Killian was pulling out some pajamas for Emma to change into when he heard her. Emma. Instinctively he ran to the bathroom, throwing the door open without bothering to knock. He kneeled behind her and pulled her hair back and out of her face, holding it with one hand while the other rubbed her back. Before she knew it, Emma was crying again, cheek resting on the cool porcelain of the toilet in front of her. Killian left a comforting kiss on the back of her shoulder. “You’re safe Emma, I’ve got you,” he whispered.

“He hurt me,” Emma choked between sobs. “He marked me.” Saying the words made her vomit again. Killian continued rubbing her back

“What?” While Killian’s voice was soft, he felt rage racing through his entire body. Then he noticed the bruise on her arm. “Oh Emma.” He rested his hand lightly over the mark. He wanted to kill the bastard who did this to her, who hurt her and he wanted to hit himself for letting him get away. “It’ll fade. You’re going to be okay. It’s just a bruise.” Emma froze at Killian’s touch. Warmth ran across her body. The gentleness of his hands was in stark contrast to the grip that bruised her. Emma wanted to bury herself in that touch and never have to feel that pain ever again. That’s what Killian’s touch was to her in that moment - safety, comfort, and a feeling of a promise that he would never hurt her. But how could someone like him ever want someone as broken, as damaged , as she was?

Killian reached forward, flushing the toilet before shifting his position so that he could pull Emma into his lap. He held her close against him, rocking her gently as she cried, stroking her hair. Emma clung to him, her hands fisting the material of his shirt and her face buried in his chest. “H-how could you - everything’s ruined,” she said between sobs.

“Love, what are you talking about?”

“Talk to me. Please.” Killian pleaded when Emma didn’t respond.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she admitted. Emma knew there wasn’t really anything for Killian to leave exactly, but that kiss meant something in the before . She wanted it to mean something in the after too.

He kissed the top of her head and whispered, just loud enough for her to hear over the still-running water from the shower, “I’m not going anywhere. None of this changes anything.”

***

After Emma brushed her teeth and showered, she came out to find clothes that Killian left out for her neatly folded on the bed. He had left her a pair of plaid pajama pants and a soft, worn grey University of Oxford long-sleeve t-shirt. She had to roll the waistband of the pants a few times so she wouldn’t trip on them and the shirt’s sleeves were long enough on her that she could clutch the ends of them in her hands. Comfort washed over her when she was dressed, but a simple change of clothes, even Killian’s clothes, couldn’t erase the trauma replaying over and over again in her head.

So she crawled back into bed, slipping under the covers that she pulled up to her chin trying to hide from both the world and herself. Killian poked his head in moments later carrying two bowls, each with a fork in it. “Hey. I made you dinner, you should try to eat something.” Killian took the chair Elsa had been sitting in next to the bed and handed her a bowl of pasta. Emma sat up and took it, suddenly realizing that she was starving.

“Thank you,” she said, taking a bite.

“It was no trouble, love.”

“No.” Emma looked at him. “I mean thank you. For . . . “ her voice trailed off. Killian understood what she was saying. It was a thank you for everything: for protecting her, for letting her stay here, for taking care of her. For saving her.

“It’s no trouble, love.” They continued to eat in silence. Killian checked his phone a few times, answering texts from Emma’s friends and letting them know that she was okay, that he had gotten her to take a shower and to eat something. When they were finished he brought the bowls back into the kitchen. He needed a shower and a change of clothes desperately. Killian made his way back to the bedroom where Emma had curled into herself, hugging one of his pillows tight to her chest. After grabbing pajamas to change into, he slipped into the bathroom to take a quick shower and brush his teeth. He let the hot water run over him, relaxing his tense muscles for longer than he had planned.

Eventually, he emerged, dressed with damp hair that he pushed off his forehead. Emma hadn’t moved from her position on his bed. Killian walked over to place a gentle kiss on her temple. “Try and get some sleep, love.”

Emma looked up when he started to walk away. “Wait,” she said as he reached for the doorknob. Killian turned to look back at her, a little startled at the sound of her voice. “Please don’t go.”

“Emma -”

“I don’t want to be alone.” She couldn’t be alone with her thoughts conjuring up too many what ifs. When Killian was near, her mind calmed down. The what ifs that ended in the worst possible ways started to become the what ifs any girl with a crush day dreamed about. He was a welcomed respite from her fear, a beacon of light in what felt like endless darkness.

Slipping into bed next to her, he was cautious of the walls he knew she had put up. Killian laid on his side, facing Emma’s back. He rested a hand on her back to let her know he was there. Emma reached around and grabbed his hand, pulling him close to her as she held his arm tightly against her.

“You never have to be alone Emma,” he said. Her hair smelled like his shampoo. All he wanted to do was make her feel warm and safe. If he could take away all her pain he would.

When Killian finally fell asleep and after Emma had failed miserably to fall asleep, she snuck out of bed, grabbed her journal, and slipped out of the bedroom. The wave of emotions washing over her as she ran her hand over the soft, brown leather made her want to give into that darkness and drown in it. She couldn’t handle any of it anymore. Give it to the page, she thought. And so she did.

***

The one who will never be good enough. The one who never got the perfect job. The one who was stood up. The one who messes it all up. It was as if everyone could see clearly through their present dreams to their future realities.

If X is the one who’s rejected, whose career might be on the line, and Y is the one left waiting alone in the restaurant, whose heart breaks with every passing second, and Z is the one who drank too much to remember the night, whose clouded mind hurts the one next to him, then I am the one who’s never going to be good enough for the one next to me, whose damage will will make realize that she should be nothing more than a ship passing in the night soon to be forgotten amongst the rest of his mistakes.

***

Soon, Emma felt like she was able to breathe again. Although when that finally happened, she realized how exhausted she was from everything she had been through. So she crawled back into the bedroom, quietly as to not wake Killian who had rolled onto his back in his sleep. Emma smiled when she saw him, his features soft in sleep, his chest gently rising and falling with his breathing. It was then that Emma knew she was damned to keep falling for him and that there was no safety net to catch her. All either of them needed to do was jump.

Tiptoeing through the room, she slipped back under the covers and curled up against Killian, resting her head on his chest, comforted by the repetitive sound of his heartbeat.

“Hey,” Killian sighed sleepily, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close to him, too tired to open his eyes. “You okay?”

Avoiding the question of whether or not she was okay because, to be perfectly honest, she wasn’t entirely sure, she simply responded with “You’re warm.”  

Killian chucked, a soft, sleepy, comforting sound. “Are you cold, love?” Emma didn’t answer verbally. Instead she pressed a cold hand to his neck that he lazily swatted away. “Aye, you’re definitely cold.” He pulled the sheets and comforter up to her shoulders. “Try to get some sleep, Swan.”  

It didn’t take Emma long to fall asleep in Killian’s arms. After all the memories and the what ifs that had played over and over in her head all day, Killian must’ve been her dream catcher because for the rest of the night Emma didn’t dream.

[eye-zen]

SILENE

The sun blended with the bright blue sky like an ornament. Waves crashed on the beach, bringing with it small stones from the sea and sand that became buried between her toes. An ocean breeze opened her nasal passages and a gust of sea salt covered her inhale, The white sandy beach was empty and serene as if she were the only human left on earth. For that moment, I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded if that were true. Using her right pointer finger she drew in the sand, writing, “Where Am I Right Now ? “ As she finished writing, a wave swept along the beach erasing her words.

*TIK TOK TIK TOK TIK TOK TIK TOK TIK TOK”

 Her hand was balled up in a fist resting on her right cheek,reluctantly holding her head up. She looked at the clock across the room as it read 8:07 am. The sound of the clock was the loudest thing in the empty office. Echoing a constant reminder that this would be her serene beach for the next 8 hours or 28,800 tik toks to be exact. Her desk was covered in a mound of paper that would be better suited for a beach bonfire but….who wants to get fired on a Friday.

Usually she sat at her desk diligently doing her work and occasionally looking out the window. Daydreaming about staring out of a plane or reading a novel under a palm tree. Her daydreaming at moments felt so real that she became upset whenever she “snapped back to reality”.  Wishing one day that her eyes opened and the image of what she imagined would not escape her brown eyes.

She finished her tasks just before noon with a wearisome four hours remaining to the end of her shift. Opening her laptop she exited out of the work programs and logged on to the internet. 

Searching google, she typed the question “How Do you lucid dream ? “  An array of images and articles flooded the screen with many directions and tips for lucid dreaming. She clicked through at least 6 pages of tips before the alarm on her phone went off signaling the beginning of lunch. Reaching in her tote, she retrieved a black plastic bag with a bowl of yesterday’s dinner. It was still warm from this morning as she heated it up before leaving the house. Sitting at her desk and eating she continued to look through the many articles and images. There were thousands of people with advice but who was right ?

As she continued browsing…her phone vibrated from a text message…

You’re right, The world has finally gone crazy lol…

Yes, I know lol…

If there was a off button to make everyone STFU I would like to push it..

Lol well I think there is. It’s called Wifi and Tv. 

Lol wow, I think you’re right. I’m literally witnessing people go crazy. Just from watching the news on TV and self proclaimed scientists, politicians, and news reporters on social media. 

Lol yea i see. Well today I was spared from those at work but well see how the rest of the day goes.

.Lol right, Well what are you doing later ?

I’m not sure yet. No plans, just going home and relaxing, maybe go to the beach.

Ok cool, The beach ? what beach are you going too.

None smh..lol I wish though, Have to speak things into existence. 

Yes! You’re right about that. I’ll speak to you later.

Okay…

Time after lunch went relatively quickly. She read enough about dreams to receive her bachelor’s degree and doodled enough to fill a whole children’s book. The clock read 3:50 pm. She thought to herself, 10 more minutes until I’m free. She began cleaning her desk and organizing the folders back accordingly. There was a pile of papers of doodles accumulated from the day. She began throwing them away in the trash. One drawing in particular captured her attention so she decided to keep it. Folding it neatly and placing it in a small zippered compartment on her bag. After a final check of her desk she stood up and left the office.

On the way home she stopped at the grocery store and ran a couple of errands. Once she entered her front door a sigh of relief hit her like falling on a thick pile of feathers. 

She placed her groceries on the kitchen counter and washed her hands. Sat down in the chair and answered an incoming text message.

Hey, do you still want to go to the beach ?

 what ? I mean yea but when ? I know you don’t mean now.

Sure..yes, now..sooo do you still want to go ?

Do you see what time it is

Yes, I know. We have all the time in the world. 

Lol ok. If you say so…

.

She unpacked her groceries then walked to her bedroom. After undressing then headed to the shower. Bathing herself with a sweet lavender soap that washed off the filth of the day. Following her shower she went back to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed. There, she laid and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. The black oscillating fan dried her off and swayed her curtains back and forth. Her bag lay at the side of the bed, she rolled over, unzipped a pocket and pulled out the drawing she kept from work. It was a drawing of a beach. There was a full moon that shone bright in the night sky leaving a streak of glistening water in the sea. On the beach was a small bonfire pit and a few feet away from that was a large blanket just under a leaning palm tree. She stared at the drawing for a few minutes before placing it on the nightstand near her bed. After a few deep breaths she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

*ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS, FLIGHT NUMBER 1135 WILL BE BOARDING IN 15 MINUTES. PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO GATE 7 AND PREPARE TO BOARD YOUR FLIGHT*

The airport was hardly crowded. It was a Tuesday afternoon with a slight overcast. A few people could be seen stretched out on airport chairs awaiting their flight as a few other gates began boarding. Two or three airport workers were canvassing the terminal wiping down seats and searching for trash on the floor. She had a bag of chips that were almost finished and a bottle of water she used to wash it down, Her black sweatpants and hoodie had managed to accumulate a few crumbs. With her phone in her lap she used her pinkie finger to swipe through music switching from song to song. 

After finishing the bag of chips she wiped her hand with a paper towel and made her way to the bathroom and back to the boarding gate. Passport and ticket in hand she passed through the gate and walked down the long corridor to the plane. The flight was relatively empty. When she boarded the plane and sat down there were plenty of seats unoccupied. She was assigned to the middle seat in her row. After 15 minutes there seemed to be no one else coming so she moved to the window seat and placed her bag in the seat next to her.

*THANK YOU FOR BOARDING FLIGHT 1135 , PLEASE BE SEATED, FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT AND PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF*

As the flight attendant began giving the flight instructions she turned her phone on airplane mode and put the playlist on shuffle. The plane began making its way up the airstrip and increased in speed. The plane’s engine began roaring as her back pressed firmly against the seat. Within seconds the slowly began ascending off the ground and towards the sun. She opened the window cover and was now adjacent with the clouds. 

 *GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING. WE WILL BE CLIMBING TO 30,000 FEET. PLEASE REMAIN SEATED UNTIL WE REACH THAT ALTITUDE. THIS FLIGHT IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE 5 HOURS. THE WEATHER IS PRETTY CLEAR UP HERE SO WE EXPECT A SMOOTH RIDE. SIT BACK RELAX AND THANK YOU FOR FLYING WITH US. 

*BUZZZ BUZZZ BUZZZ*

The phone vibrated the bed but it was nowhere in sight. With eyes still closed she felt around for it until it stopped vibrating. The fan was still spinning like propellers and had moved the curtain just enough to see out the window. The sun was down but the last bit of light created a purple hue in the sky covered by fresh white clouds. She rolled over and the phone was just under her left leg. When she looked at it, it read…

DO YOU STILL WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH ?

SURE, WHY NOT…

OK MEET ME AT MY HOUSE IN 50 MINUTES…

OK..

She laid in bed for a few minutes before heading to the kitchen for a drink. While she was in there, she grabbed a bottle of water and walked back to the bedroom. Sitting on the edge of her bed she browsed through her phone for a few minutes before preparing to go out. 

I AM ON MY WAY..WILL BE THERE IN ABOUT 7 MINUTES.

OK…..WHEN YOU GET HERE JUST OPEN THE GATE AND COME IN.

OK…COOL

The sky was black as tar and the stars painted trails across its surface. The moon was full and occasionally blanketed by passing clouds. There was a slight breeze, warm enough to wear shorts but cool enough for a long sleeve shirt or hoodie. As she approached the black gate, insects could be heard speaking in the bush and dogs barking in the distance. She opened the gate as it squealed and closed it gently behind her. Immediately a hammock caught her attention hanging just under the house. She laid her bag down on a nearby chair and sat in the hammock. As she sat down he exited the front door of the house with two cups in hand.

WHAT’S UP…I HOPE YOU AREN’T ALLERGIC TO NUTS.

NO, I’M NOT.

 OK COOL…WELL I MADE A SMOOTHIE. IT HAS BANANA, NUTMEG, PEANUT BUTTER, HONEY AND DATES

UHhhh…..SOUNDS INTERESTING…

JUST TRY IT….

OK.

She took a sip of the smoothie and didn’t die so she began drinking some more.

OK, SO IT’S NOT THAT BAD

LOL OK COOL

Yea SO WHAT BEACH ARE WE GOING TO THIS TIME OF NIGHT.

WELL WE HAVE TIME, BE THERE IN A MINUTE. 

They both sat there and drank their smoothies until finished. Talking and discussing their days and plans for the weekend. 

WELL I KNOW YOU HAD A LONG WEEK…

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT ?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A JOB..DOESN’T IT COME WITH THE TERRITORY

 WELL IN MY CASE I CAN’T ARGUE WITH THAT..

SO I WANT TO HELP YOU WIND DOWN AND RELAX 

OK…HELP LIKE WHAT ?

He walks back in the house for a few minutes and comes back out with a small bag.

OK…SO…THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A DREAM KIT.

Lol ok….A DREAM KIT ? You just got weird on me,,

LOL NAH JUST TRUST ME.

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a bottle of lavender oil, diffuser , and Shea. He placed each item on the table just left of the hammock.

JUST RELAX…LAY BACK AND TAKE DEEP BREATHS. 

He picks up his phone and turns on a sound of waves, similar to the sounds at a beach. 

OK…WOW SO IS THIS YOUR BEACH….SMH

He then puts lavender into the diffuser, letting out a warm scent of lavender that complimented the brisk night air. As she takes deeper breaths her body relaxes more and she falls deeper into the hammock. He grabs a piece of shea from the small container then puts a flame to it. The shea begins to melt in his hand and spreads across his palms. He then picks up the bottle of lavender oil and puts a drop in his hand along with the shea. Rubbing his hands quickly together he creates heat and then grabs her foot. Firmly squeezing until the heat transferred from his hand to her feet. She takes an even deeper breath and inhales the soothing lavender air. He began firmly pressing on her feet inch by inch removing the tension as the stress began escaping with each press. A few minutes had gone by as she laid in silence and gently moaning from the massage. 

ARE YOU OK ?

She replied…Yes.

 OK, well I need you to do one thing for me. 

What is that ?

I need you to continue breathing slowly and deeply. Focus on your inhale and your exhales. Synchronize your breaths with the sound of the waves. 

OK, and then what ?

 WITH EVERY INHALE THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND WITH EVERY EXHALE DISPEL ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.

OK…

Her body temperature began rising and her breaths got deeper and deeper. After a final exhale her body got a tingling sensation and everything went black. When she blinked her eyes she looked up at the moon and its mesmerizing presence. As she continued gazing at the moon she could hear the waves crashing in the background. Her eyes slowly panned until she was staring at the sea. In disbelief she looked around and realized she was on the beach. The hammock was now a large quilt and it was under a palm tree instead of the house. A few feet to the left of her was a small bonfire with crackling wood. She stood up and started walking towards the water. A wave washed her feet and removed all of the sand, only to put more in between her toes. She began walking up the beach, feet sinking deep into the sand with every step. She walked towards the moon which was so large it felt as though she could grab it. 

.

HEY ! ….you couldn’t hear me ?

Huh…um no. No, I couldn’t hear anything. 

Dam,Yea you was knocked out for a couple of hours.

At that moment an alarm goes off..

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Oh No not again… SMH

Not again what… What’s wrong ?

Don’t tell me this is another D…

Yes…….it’s another Dinner. That’s the alarm for dinner at the restaurant on the beach. Did you not like the food last time ?

She turns around and sees a trail of lights and hears the faint sound of laughter, music, and forks clanking against plates.

No, It’s ok, Lets go

We have to be there in 20 minutes. Let’s try to make it on time today,

They both started walking on the beach towards their belongings.

.

Wow..i Just had the weirdest dream. Felt like I was there……

[acrcsstheuniversee]

Good Enough For Me

Pairing: Paul McCartney circa 1962 x John Lennon circa 1978 (McLennon)

Rating: Mature, readers 18+

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of porn and sex work

Words in this chapter: 1800+

Author’s Note:

Here it is! Refer to my summary and introduction post if you haven’t done so for more disclaimers, visuals, tag list info, and more.

*Disclaimer: I do not own The Beatles. This is fiction and written for leisure. Aspects of the story will not be historically accurate and should not be taken extremely seriously.

Chapter 1

Already a month into the semester, Paul found himself struggling to keep up with his studies. He tried his best to focus on typing an essay on the history of guitars that’s due the next day by 10 a.m. but just couldn’t get himself to do it. Not like it was hard or anything; he just hated doing what he’s told, especially if it was something he didn’t care about. He just wanted to do music but having a degree is a necessity now.

He pressed the home button on his cracked phone screen to see that it was already midnight. He was only half way done with the assignment that could’ve taken him only 30 minutes if he wasn’t writing songs in between paragraphs.

It was all too much anyways. American universities have much more homework assignments than back in England. Times like these made him question whether or not going out of the country for school was worth it. There almost seemed like there were more cons than pros in his decision. He lacked resources, he didn’t have any friends or family here except his roommate/best friend George, he was poorer than ever, and must work and attend school part-time. If he stayed in Liverpool and just continued school locally, he probably would’ve earned his degree by now; but now he’s what Americans consider a “super senior” because he’s 21 years old with the amount of classes completed equivalent to a third year student. Despite the struggle, all of it was better than his father dictating his every move. 

He shut his laptop, giving up on the assignment and leaned back into his desk chair, rubbing his tired droopy eyes.

He had two classes and work tomorrow. The thought of them made him roll his eyes. Music history from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m., a business class he couldn’t remember the name of from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., and work right after at a restaurant nearby as a dishwasher, and occasionally performer if the artist they booked cancelled that night.

He yawned as he got up and slide into his bed. Before shutting his eyes, he turned his head and looked directly across the tiny dorm room to his right to see his childhood best friend and roommate, George Harrison sound asleep.

Paul really needs to take a note out of George’s book and sleep earlier. These late nights are just stressing him out more and more.

***

“Paul….. PAUL! Get up!”

Paul jolted up right when a sudden raised voice rang in his ear. His eyes met George’s signature judgemental look. One of his thick brows cocked and his lips curved awkwardly. He was already ready to go to class.

“Ah, what time is it?”

“9:30. I woke you up 30 minutes before hand because I just know you aren’t going to get up to the 9:45 alarm unless you expect to make it to your first class in 15 minutes,” George teased.

George is a pain in the ass and a know-it-all, but Paul loved him dearly. He comes off mean sometimes but Paul knows it’s just because he’s younger and feels the need to prove himself. Paul was used to it after all this time but sometimes, that boy needs to know when his criticisms cross the line. Despite being a dick sometimes, they’re both grateful to be going to the same college together. It was one in a million chances for George to land the same US college as Paul just a year after Paul’s acceptance.

“Okay, whatever. You have a point, I guess.” Paul groaned and rolled out of bed. 

“I know I do, ha. I’ll see you later.” George messed up his friend’s darkhair more than it already was, making Paul swat his hand away.

When George left, Paul finally got ready and headed off to class with his incomplete essay.

Everyone was already seated and the professor was setting up today’s powerpoint lecture when he finally arrived. Paul sat down in the back where he’s been since the beginning of the semester. It hasn’t been a problem until a girl started to sit near him everyday since last week. When group or partnered work was assigned, she would often ask him to join her. She was kind, but Paul knew she liked him. She couldn’t make it less obvious. They would make small talk here and there---just about classes and hobbies. She was also very good at piano just as Paul was, but not too good on guitar though she claims to be.

He felt her looking at him, making him turn his head to find out he was right. She just smiled and waved. Paul nodded and gave her a small smile in return, trying not to show too much emotion, afraid she would like that too much. She already had the wrong idea but he didn’t want to be mean about it. Paul was not interested in the slightest and, he was gay. Found that out in high school and hasn’t been too shy about it since then. 

When class ended, Paul left immediately to his second class to avoid conversation with anyone. This next one was business related which is something he also could care less about. He was a bit behind in this one too, but this time, he truly didn’t understand the material. He definitely needed a tutor soon.

Not much happened other than him writing mini poems all over his in-class assignment. He didn’t even bother erasing any of it before turning it in at the end of class.

Paul sighed as he made himself to his busboy job right off campus. Before stepping inside, he felt his phone vibrate. It was his dad. Ugh, he thought but answered.

“I’m about to go into work, Dad. What is it?”

“Well, hello to you too. I was just wondering how the first month in the states have been. I haven’t heard from you.”

“It’s fine.”

“Just fine? Have you got a chance to tour places? You should send me photos.”

“No and no. I don’t want you to be sending the pictures to your friends as if you helped me get here. I know you do that.”

Paul heard his father sigh.

“Just text me when you get home and tell George I said hi.”

“Okay, bye.” Paul said before hanging up and walking into his shift.

It seemed harsh but his dad was a selfish prick. He loves to be in control of everything. He was the reason Paul came to the states to study. All he wanted was to ride the wave of success his two sons have been achieving.

In all truthfulness, Paul stopped believing his dad’s bullshit after mom died about 6 years ago. His dad seemed to have lost his way but Paul couldn’t be around all the time if he had a dream to follow. It’s been rough without his mom around but Paul had to do what he was right for him, even if that meant getting away from his dad which is something even she would’ve supported.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how irritating school and his dad were during his shift. The rude coworkers and customers didn’t help his case at all. This wasn’t new though. Paul was used to working constantly in some shape or form. The only problem this time is that he needed more money now that he’s completely independent from his father.

“Hey, busboy!” his boss called out to the dishroom from the back office. Paul rolled his eyes and went to see what he wanted.

“Yes?”

“I have to cut your hours in half. Here is your new schedule. You’re off now, so don’t wash another dish.”

“In half?” Paul took the schedule and saw that his income now would not suffice his monthly tuition payments, let alone some money for necessities. “You’ve got to be shitting me. Why?”

“We can’t afford to pay you. I’m sorry, kid.” he said nonchalantly.

“Will I be able to perform sometimes still?”

“Ehh, sure.” he said as he continued his paperwork, not even looking at Paul.

Paul rolled his eyes again. Could his life get any more annoying? He let out a sigh and clocked out. Now what, he thought making his way home.

When he got home George was playing his computer games with his big headphones to fit on his large ears. The younger man didn’t even notice his friend come in until one side of his headphones was pulled and slapped against his head.

“Hey!” George readjusted himself then paused his game to face Paul with his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“My hours got slashed.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope, hah.”

George frowned.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Are you going to find another job?” 

“Well, I’m going to have to because I will not be asking my dad for help.” Paul said as changed into his pajamas and hopped onto his bed.

George sighed. Paul just stared at his friend for a moment, not knowing what to say. This was bad news for both of them. George didn’t have the same financial issues as Paul did. He only had enough for himself. If George could help, he would---and Paul knew he would.

“I’ll think of something, George. Don’t worry.” Paul got under the covers and listened to his friend shut off his computer and lights before hopping into bed as well.

He stared at the ceiling and sighed, then began to think about all the ways he can make money quickly but none of it would be fast enough to pay his next tuition bill. He rubbed his eyes. It was beginning to stress him out the more he thought of it and he just wanted it to all stop for a second.

Ah fuck it, he thought before whipping out his phone and started to scroll through his favorite porn blog on Tumblr. What better way to forget about things than looking at some sexy pictures of guys?

Paul scrolled until he ran into a post that was by a male sex worker selling nude photos and thought hard to himself. It was a young guy about his age selling his photos for $25 a piece and a private snapchat story for $5 per friend request and $15 extra for screenshot privileges.

Paul bit his lip nervously. It’s been a couple years since he did sex work. All he did was some cam work, sold some nude photos, and made customized videos for people on the internet. He remembered enjoying it but there was always the parts he hated that made the job extremely draining like any other job.

He laid there staring at the screen. He must admit, it was tempting to dive in again but he was afraid what George would think.

“George… Maybe I should go back into sex work…” Paul said suddenly.

George didn’t reply. He just snored in in response. That bastard.

Paul sighed and continued to scroll through sex work blogs, inspired by the possibilities until he slowly drifted to sleep.

-

Tag list:

@nowandthenoldfriend