#i havent heard this song in years. how the fuck do i still know the lyrics

[sacklerscumrag]

Metalhead Next Door

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Notes: hello :) i got the sudden urge to write for eddie munson today for some reason lol

i'm apologizing in advance for how bad it probably is. please keep in mind that i havent written anything in a long time, let alone for eddie

but if you do read it for whatever reason, thank you i love you im giving you a big kiss rn <3

Warnings: neighbors to lovers, jealous!reader, pining, oral sex (f receiving)

Word Count: 1.4K

A loud rumble from a run-down truck rang outside your trailer window, jolting you from sleep. The book you abandoned some hours ago slid off your chest as you sat on the bed to peek outside. Snow continued to fall and hardened on the window sill from earlier that morning, each flake a silent whisper against the palm of your hand as you held it out in the icy air. Metal music blared through the familiar window across from yours, drawing your attention toward the warm glow coming from inside. An overpowering scent of weed lingered between the two trailers—something you'd found comfort in within the last couple of months of living next door to the Munsons. Of course, you'd heard the rumors where Eddie was concerned, and you'd have to be blind not to see how people treated him around here. Everyone ignored him, wrote him off as a freak while telling the tale of the long-haired devil-worshiping drug dealer to anyone who would listen. But after almost a year of living next to Eddie, you realized that couldn't be further from the truth.

The first night, Eddie crept up on your front porch when you weren't looking, making himself comfortable on the wooden staircase, offering whatever joint he was nursing—all leather jacket and wild hair with a grin that could warm you to your core if you let yourself admire him for a little too long. Since then, you'd meet Eddie outside once everyone had gone to bed and let his wild D&D stories carry you through the night. The world around you seemed to soften around Eddie, swallowed up by the relentless comfort of his presence. Even when he was gone, one last tiny blaze of warmth and light continuously flickered in your chest for him.

The night air was crisp, making you cling to your blanket that much tighter as you curled up in bed. You nearly jumped when you heard a thump against your bedroom window, a snowball crumbling as another landed against the window pane.

"You're not gonna make me wait out here until I freeze, are you?" Eddie's voice trickled in from outside, making you smile before quickly opening the window and letting him climb in. "It's fucking freezing out there. Hey, sweetheart." Your heart warmed at the nickname as he brushed past you, flopped down on your mattress, and picked up your abandoned book. His hair looked like he'd run his hand through it far too many times today; the snow still crunched as he crossed one boot over another as scattered icicles clung to his jacket's leather and denim patches.

"Well, it's no D&D book, but-." Eddie teased before you cut him off by snatching the book, placing it on your bedside table, and settling beside him. He smirked, clearly pleased with himself for getting to you so quickly.

"So what's new with you, Munson?" You said as you sank next to him, sneaking glances whenever he wasn't looking.

"Same shit, different day. I learned a new Metallica song last week, gonna play it at our gig."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll play it for you sometime." You smiled at that. "Oh shit, I was supposed to call Dustin." Eddie dramatically sat up on your bed and sighed.

"Dustin? Was it important?"

"Yeah, sort of; he's been trying to set me up with this girl. Or was it Steve setting me up? All I know is I went out with her last week, and now I gotta be at Family Video tomorrow at 6 to pick out a movie for whatever the fuck a double date movie night is." Your heart sank. Eddie was being set up; he was dating someone. And it wasn't you. Figures. He would never see you as more than a friend; all you ever did was hang out and talk about D&D; he could do that with any of his other friends. This shouldn't surprise you, but that didn't make it sting any less than it did.

"Hey, you okay?" Eddie noticed your silence amidst his rambling. You were seemingly lost in your thoughts as you toyed with your fingers. Something had shifted; your warm presence from just a minute ago felt frigid and distant.

"Yeah." You wiped the tears welling in your eyes and stood from the bed, suddenly needing to put as much distance between you as possible. "Just tired, I'm just gonna go to bed." The mere thought of Eddie snuggling up on a couch with some girl made your chest feel like it would cave in any second. You quickly turned toward your window to open it, unable to face him without fear of bursting into tears.

"Sweetheart, if I did something to piss you off, I'm sorry."

"You didn't just please…I want to go to bed." Your tone was firmer than Eddie had ever heard from you. He should go, head out through the window, and call it a night. But he couldn't. "Please." Your voice slightly cracked, and with it, a piece of Eddie's heart at the realization. When you managed to turn around, his chest was inches from your face, tenderness filling those big, brown, beautiful eyes darting back at you. His ring-clad hand cupped your cheek, skimming over your skin delicately like you would break under his touch.

Before you knew it, your mouth was on his. Your arms around his neck; he tasted like cigarettes and mint from the gum he anxiously chewed before you came in. It was intoxicating. Chills spread across your skin when his hands slid across your waist, pressing you closer to him. It didn't take long for Eddie's need for you to become apparent with feverish hands pushing you back until the desk bumped against your ass; Eddie tapped your thigh to signal you to sit on the hard surface, standing in between your legs and trailing his lips down to your neck and chest. Your hands tangled in his curls, breathing in as much of him as possible before he pulled away slightly.

"Eddie." You paused, studying his face for a moment; face flushed, hair tussled, and lips swollen and pink from your own; he was perfect. "I'm sorry. I should've told you how I felt, I-. Eddie's lips interrupted you with a searing but brief kiss as he spoke against your lips.

"Don't you dare apologize. I've been waiting so fucking long for this." A smile spread across your face, and relief flooded your chest. You tugged on his vest to draw him back to your lips as his hands began to knead your thighs, core clenching at the feeling. Whimpers escaped you from just his lips on your skin. His mouth worked its way along your neck, lifting your shirt and continuing to work his way down until he was kneeling before you.

"Can I?" You nodded as Eddie's ring-clad fingers hooked onto your shorts, pulling them off and discarding them on the floor along with your underwear. He hooked one leg over his shoulder and kissed the delicate skin of your inner thigh. "God, you have no idea how bad I've needed to taste you." Your breath hitched when you felt his tongue begin expertly working along your folds, then back toward your clit. It wasn't long before he slipped a finger inside you, then another. The chill of his rings pressing on your most sensitive spots as he plunged them in and out of you had you arching your back and squeezing your thighs tighter around Eddie. Your chest heaved; every whimper and moan that escaped was like music to his ears. Eddie consumed you like a man starved; it was like the more pleasure he drew from you, the more he wanted. He couldn't get enough. He teased your clit between his lips and began to suck hard. Eddie's movements were relentless. Your eyes screwed shut, and your core tightened until it snapped. Eddie's hand dug into the flesh of your hips to hold you in place as you squirmed against him until you were practically pushing him away. He could see the blissed look on your face as he stood and wrapped your legs around his waist, carrying you over to bed. Once you were settled, Eddie stepped toward the still-open window.

"Don't go," you whispered; a pang of fear hit you. Eddie smirked to himself before shutting the window securely, throwing his jacket on your nightstand, and crawling in beside you.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." He placed a kiss on your forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

[sugar-omi]

(swiftie asker - i love that this is how i've cemented myself here) I'M GOING TO SCREAM TYSM??? HELLO???? WRITER'S FREAK HAS BEEN MATCHED AT 3:30AM ON A THURSDAY????? YOU'RE TELLING ME /THEE/ OLBA BOYS CEO LIKES /MY/ WRITING??????? YOU DON'T GET IT I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE STIMMING SO HARD MY GIRLDICK MIGHT FALL OFF /QUOTE, POS

OHHHHHHHHH YOU MADE SUCH A BIG MISTAKE BRINGING UP TSMWEL. THIS ISN'T EVEN A "HEAR ME OUT" SITUATION IT'S A "YOU WILL SIT DOWN AND YOU WILL LISTEN GODDAMMIT" SITUATION. and to that my ass is FIRMLY planted in this seat and i am slamming a comically overstuffed manila folder onto the table as we speak. starting with "they just ghosted you - now you know what it feels like" and how this line was written for baxter alexander ward. in this essay i will

THE BRIDGE OF THAT SONG. FUCK DUDE I WAS LISTENING TO IT DURING ONE OF MY REPLAYS OF THE BAXTER DLC AND I WAS LITERALLY IN TEARS. MY KEYBOARD WAS GETTING WATERLOGGED AS I SAT THERE. I AM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THIS UP BECAUSE BOY OH BOY DO I HAVE SOME SHIT TO SPIT.

"in fifty years, will all this be declassified? and you'll confess why you did it, and i'll say 'good riddance'." FIFTY YEARS IS FIVE IF YOU SQUINT. IT JUST MATCHES UP TOO PERFECTLY SO IT OFFICIALLY WORKS NOW. THAT'S GIRL MATH. the way baxter eventually tells mc why he did what he did and by then it might be too late for mc to forgive him (cough. 'and i'll forget you but i'll never forgive...')

"you crashed my party and your rental car" IT'S LITERALLY TOO PERFECT??? HELLO????? THE PARTY PLANNING MOMENT AND THE CHAUFFEUR BULLSHIT HE WAS ON???????

"you said normal girls were boring, but you were gone by the morning" YOU WERE GONE BY THE MORNING. YOU W. WWWHAHATT THEF UCKKKKK.

you're literally cooking up a fucking FEAST with the prechorus lyric though because was that his goal? it very well could have been - baxter could have stepped out of that cab, taken one look at mc, and decided they would be the one he strung along. because what if he was well aware of just how much it hurt others for him to become a normalcy then a novelty all over again - and he still couldn't stay away from dangling their heartstrings from his fingers like ribbons, if only to at least feel some semblance of control over his life anymore? he was just some hurt kid - barely, if at all, but semantics - but that never gave him the right to hurt those around him in the way that he did. what right does the smallest man who ever lived have to strike a deal with the devil, then act surprised when the blood's on his hands?

COUGHCOGUHGVOCH BUT AHAHAHA ANYWAYS. making those little shoo motions with my hands, go rest up silly!! i'm more than thrilled that you've stuck with me and my brainworms for this long, and you most definitely deserve the best of rests omgomg 🫶🏼🫶🏼

LMAOOO NO NOT THE QUOTE. I HAVENT HEARD THAT IN FOREVER

idk about ceo but I'm honestly happy my words are worthy of such a happy reaction 🤭

ALSO "what right does the smallest man who ever lived have to make a deal with the devil, then act surprised when the bloods on his hands?" I WILL LITERALLY JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. STOP. IM IN TEARS??? GENUINELY?????

someone put that on a billboard, I'm so serious.

but omg, to ride off the "you said normal girls were boring, but you were gone by the morning" and everything you said about baxter doing it on purpose...

baxter stepping out and seeing you wait with cove for your new neighbor for the summer, maybe remembering you sneaking into the soiree with derek or sneaking into your soiree and dancing with you charmingly.

either way, regardless of if you snuck across the lawn or shared a dance with pre-teen baxter, he finds you charming. ethereal. captivating.

no one would wait for a random neighbor if they weren't sweeter than pie, and no one should welcome him so warmly, approach him even if shyly, if they weren't special.

you're special. he can see it. he feels it.

and I've said it before, baxter knows your life has been small. confined to this little street in this little town, so small it's hardly a blip on the map.

he knows you're curious, enthralled by this mystery next door to you. but if you had grown up next to him, you wouldn't be so curious.

you'd have known how pompous and arrogant he was. how simple his thinking was.

and he tries to keep his affection with you surface level. tries to keep it to just a summer fling, something to satisfy your curiosity, to get you to stop looking at him like that. to make his heart stop yearning and for his eyes to stop wandering to you...

holds your hand, visits you in the middle of the night to tell you he's home, but too shy to say he misses you. doesn't wanna give you that inch over him, doesn't want to make this more than what it is. because it's just a fling, and you're just temporary warmth for him cold heart.

won't admit you're the only one to make him feel this warm. will never even think to himself that you are full of love and he's willing to step into the ocean of your loving arms, for fear that he'll drown in it.

everything is about money. everyone uses each other. his parents taught him that much.

love is fickle, love is too sensitive, and baxter knows he's a bulldozer. his edges are too sharp for such tenderness.

but in front of you, in the end, he does as he wants as he always does.

he doesn't take it further in the hotel room, doesn't tell you he missed you, doesn't keep his "confession" to himself.

because he's selfish. he knows this could end badly, not all his break ups have been smooth. but he wants to know what it feels like to be loved by someone special. what's to know what it's like for someone special to call out to him, touch him, yearn for him. seek him out and still pull him closer for more...

he just wants it to be like a movie, just for a little while. he wants that coming of age summer love that the movies produce, and he wants to live out fairytales that his baby sitter read to him.

even if it's at the cost of you... maybe that dark part of him hopes he leaves a dent in you so deep that you feel it years later and still remember his name. he wants you to yearn for him like he yearns for normalcy, for human warmth and affection.

but he also hopes that you forget him and that he's the only one who yearns so painfully. that his heart is the only one who aches at the end of the night, and you forget these summer nights.

it's selfish. he's so selfish. he wants too much even though he tries not to want anything at all.

that's why, even though he hopes you'll just let him go easily once summer ends, he wants some nice memories. he wants to be genuinely happy, wants to "love" and be "loved" in return.

and you're right. he striked a deal with the devil and signed away his tiring fate for "control" over his life, even if it meant trading broken hearts and morality, his humanity for it.

but even though he knew the deal he signed, seeing you cry or get angry is much different than imagining it. it hits much harder than he never thought, having chosen to ignore the fate of your summer fling. he couldn't bare to imagine it, but he didn't think about how to bare seeing it.

and even though his heart aches, he feels bad for you. feels bad for himself in many ways, a mix of self hate and guilt and desperation sinks its teeth into his stomach and gnawed on his insides with a gluttonous hunger.

even with those feelings, he glares at you, reminds you cruelly that this was the only fate for this relationship, and it wouldn't end any other way, and that you are the one wasting your energy getting upset over a fate he "predicted."

but even though he says that... even though he slams the door on you... even though he's the one who blocked your phone number... why is he the one who is unable to move on? why is he the one who sees your face and hears your voice and feels your touch in every person that tries to fill your place.

and why is he the one looking at your window, hoping the lights are still on and you're still waiting.

(and why, after all these years, does he cry when he sees they are off.)

[librarycard]

would love your country music recs!! been trying to get into the genre but haven’t really listened to a whole bunch and would love some suggestions <33

YAY thnk u for reaching out. um most of these artists i havent trawled their entire discog but each has some things i really really love. many of them explore serious topics such as addiction, discrimination (racism, homophobia, sexism, classism, etc), and more (like a lot of less commercialized and more traditional country music does).

its important to note that there is a lot of crossover in country, soul, blues, americana, and folk, so some artists might be more leaning to one of the other genres but their relation to the country style compels me to include them.

i will also say that afaik these are mostly modern artists because nothing makes me fucking angrier than people saying that new country music isnt good. please pull yourself out of the country billboard top 100 for the love of god.

ok here it is: > yola (one of my faves, lots of crossover with soul in her style) > brandi carlile, maren morris, natalie hemby, and amanda shires are all good individually and are part of a collective called the highwomen (theyve collaborated with yola several times!) > robert finley (i could cry with how much i love his work, sharecropper's son 2021 is just fucking. perfect) > john fullbright > rhiannon giddens > gillian welch > shakey graves > charley crockett (his work all feels so fresh and unique to me, i never get sick of it) > courtney marie andrews > brown bird (one half of this duo has passed on so they havent made any new music since then, but i still suggest checking them out) > mary gauthier (drag queens in limousines is a total classic) > the war and treaty > sturgill simpson > allison russell > paul cauthen (he's collabed with orville peck, who im sure a lot of people here know! if not i rec him too ofc) > emily nenni > john r miller > lucette (shes had work produced by sturgill simpson iirc) > the secret sisters (very dear to me) > katie pruitt > shovels & rope (<3) > parker millsap > margo price ( i love her i love her i love her i love her what can i say. thats how rumors get started 2020 changed my life) > kaia kater > robert ellis (less familiar w him but i like what ive heard) > jaime wyatt > arlo mckinley (another artist i havent checked out extensively but ive heard good songs from him and like his voice) > the chicks (forever and ever <333333333) > amythyst kiah > mercy bell > justin townes earle (who has unfortunately passed away in recent years, i think 2020) > waylon payne > the devil makes three > evil > jason isbell and the 400 unit

i also dont want you to think i dont want people to listen to classics, i do. i love classic country music — if you havent checked them out, id especially recommend john denver, charley pride, dolly parton, willie nelson, hank williams, johnny cash, the carter family, glen campbell, kitty wells, robert johnson (hes blues, but hes mississipean blues and has influenced country music through and through), patsy cline, judy collins, waylon jennings, and marty robbins.

this isnt comprehensive but its what comes to mind right now. i hope it was helpful!!! <3

[auspex]

fuck it discord rant with no context (feel free to ask for context) about my last session

AAAAAAAAa

ok little context: mark and cassidy driving home from mission where the anarch party they were investigating got raided by camarilla so they have to take the long way home. also, mark juts got a text from sampson that they need to talk. otherwise good luck making sense of this if u havent heard mark rants before.

-

Mark learned: -Cassidy turned in 1853 california -loves older western movies, NOT spaghetti westerns except once upon a time in th west -loves detective novels; steven king -has larger goals that he doesnt want to say due to mark's sire having a short leash on him lol -guessed mark was about 5 years dead, mark told him it was less than a year. cassidy was pretty surprised lol -cassidy asked marks goals and what he wanted. mark talked abt goals of stability, and knowing whats going on in the city. talked around it but basically said he also wanted someone he felt he could actually talk to T_T This is what inspired lighter covnersation abtmovies and books -cassidy invited him to WATCH A MOVIE W HIM AT THE CINEMA LOVE WINS (NOT A DATE FOR SURE UNLESS?) -

Now its time to talk to sampson on the next night

due to something julius did mark has to shelter some anarchs in the sewers on his territory. he made it clear the SEWERS only. theyve been moving in.

anyway marks goes to the bar. theres some sketchy ppl outside .oh god. anarchs not listening to directions? THATS CRAZY. Anyway the bar is closed early. it has blinds. many locks. sampson lets mark in and is like. dude. wtf are these people around. ive been seeing htem around and we figured out they were vampires and you said htis place would be safe?? i cant keep doing this???

he's like i know its not all always your fault or things happen in spite of you but what am i supposed to do? i cant live like this again? what am i supposed to do?? And marks just like look anarchs have been moving in city wide ill deal with this and . sampson presses and hes like deal with them how. and marks like IDK kick them out? kill th- and sampsons like YES KILL THEM you killed that one random person cant you kill kindred on your territory?

like OOF that 1 ONE murder lives in his head dsakjfsfdkjds

he's crying, also, ends up saying 'after all this i dont want to talk to you again, i know you bring me stuff to keep me alive' and then be breaks down MORE like REALLY sobbing

so mark gives him a little time to compose himself. then gets all cold and is basically like. so be it. ill still have to see you monthly, but we can try to limit it. but then sampsons like. "I dont know. I just. dont know what to do. i cant sleep with these guys out there all the time" and mark is like "do you want me to deal with them right now?" and smaspons like "yes" so. mark leaves to deal with them!

he grabs piece of shit tony who is supposed to be helping manage this territory. tony says the guys claimed he invited him there, so mark has to explain how they are allowed in the sewers but no where else. and that he wants the three in front of the plaza dealt with Tonight. they work out a deal. tony drives around collecting ghouls and plays this song.

the ghouls are wearing ski masks and have various weapons. he assigns them an order. and turns up the music and they start FUCKING those guys up. first guy modified his glock to be semi automatic? one gets downed immedaitely. 3 other ghouls approach with melee weapons. one gets killed sadly but all the kindred who were loitering by the bar get torpored in short order. Tony is pissed and yells at a corpse about whose gonna pay to replace his ghoul? Ooffff. but yeah mission done. tony says to mark to get out of his car.

He does so. returns to bar. SESSIONEND

SESSION END!

THEY WERE ABOUT TO GET TO TALK! im sure they are shook by the Incredible Violence outside but whatever

DSLKFJDSLFSD

[luwukass]

found heaven first listen thoughts/ranking:

found heaven: i fucking LOVE this new style hot boy voice conan save me. wait these lyrics are kinda sad. idk what the fuck hes saying yet but i love the way hes saying it. this is SUCH a funky beat. that was bop i love 7/10

never ending song: ok so i have already heard this ofc and i have said before i love it so so so much i love hot boy voice conan i love the style i am JAMMING rn 10/10

fainted love: can i say i love this album yet ooh ghost town on a saturday night fuck yea slay. i fucking LOVE this style his voice is making me thinks things i need to learn all these lyrics but this fucking SLAYS conan Definitely knows what 4+4 is. 8/10

lonely dancers: again already heard this one but i havent heard it enough to know it well but its still a fucking bop i do LOVE the bridge in this 9/10

alley rose: would yall kill me if i said ive only listened to this song like once since it got released 🫣 its giving me like memories vibes kinda? like dramatic piano ballad 8/10

the final fight: oooh this is boppy opening notes/intro slay this is the like first new one my brain is comprehending words but where is hot boy voice OHH THE HARMONIES this one was good 7/10

miss you: OKAAYYYYY hello wicked man conan THIS IS SO FUNKY I LOVE IT THE LIL BEEP BOOPS 8/10

bourgeoisieses: these songs are all so funky i love this OMG THE VOICE FILTER !?!? HELPPPP ok i love this im doin a lil dancey dance rn (that gif of taylor dancing in the kitchen with her headphones on) 10/10

forever with me: this is so dramatic movie ending song i love it i have actually no notes no thoughts except how i might have this in my wrapped this year oopsies 10/10

eye of the night: this SLAPSSS i again dont know what this man is saying but im vibing to it 7/10

boys & girls: HELPPP THE INTRO AND THE VOICE IM DYING HELP ME this is so good so funky i love 9/10

killing me: again heard this one and i LOVE IT so fucking much and i was PRAYING the album would give this vibe and thank god it is im so happy rn 10/10

winner: this being the closing song of the album.. wowie i love this one tho i love the backing vocal w i n n e r part 8/10

overall thoughts: i love this album so so much it WILL be on repeat all day and all week i dont think i have a skip on this one at all if you havent listened to conan before i definitely recommend this album im not gonna give it a 10/10 bc i do still need to learn lyrics and let it grow in my more but rn it is a solid 8/10 album

[chilidogloverr]

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Jarrod

Pronouns and gender? they/he, guy???

Sexuality? Pansecual

Country? USA MERICA FUCK YEAH🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

Top 5 fandoms? hazbin/helluva, fnaf, team four trees two, i forgor the rest

What is your Most forbidden snack? fabuloso also chapstick

Would you pet a bug? scared scared scared of bugs. dont like them. scary scary.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. i love fixing things, no matter what it is. my silly little brain just latches onto it like a puzzle, which it kinda is. i can already fix most electronic devices, or alteast know how to (FUCK apple and their stupid fucking anti repair policy. thats actual fucking bullshit. i dont want to have to pay for a 200 dollar course and license to fix your shitty god damn phones. mac books and ipads are aight. but FUCK apple as a company. all this does is protect their silly little fucking income from their stupid ass fucking phones breaking all the fucking time. all it does is make it so that people who do fix phones for a living fucking cant, and no devices to fix means no food on the fucking table for them or their families. they're toying with peoples livelihoods for a bit of fucking profit.) if i dont know how to fix it (cars, microwaves, tvs, literally anything that could break) i want to learn

What does the color blue taste like? mmm yumby

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? the ocean. it goes on forever. it doesnt stop. i didnt realize that until i saw it in person. it stopped me dead in my tracks.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? ive got this protein bar. in 2020 (my second year of marching band, freshman year) i was eating a box of them on the way to marching band camp. i lost one. this was in july. i found it on the ground still sealed in january of the following year. i still have it. im going to eat it my senior year at the end of the year band dinner. i have not done it yet. im going into my senior year. im going to do it. it will kill me. i will not regret it.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? a pastor for a church i used to attend (unfortunately hes my uncle) blamed crime and evil on transgender people

Hyperfixation song? long list. Starman David Bowie, banana man tally hall, mr white keys cherry poppin daddies, play that funky music wild cherry, cant take my eyes off you frankie valli, sh-boom the ink spots, the devil went down to georgia the charlie daniels band

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? I've been asked several times where "Chapstick Man!" comes from. It comes from TF2. I named a rocket launcher "chapstick gun" with the description "ngl chapstick taste kinda good" and then i thought the joke was funny and it stuck. my name is now Chapstick Man on like everything. i have not been sued yet. Im too cool to be sued.

Dream career as a child? also electronics repair technician (i am answering these out of order)

Dream career as an adult? still kinda a child ig. but i want to be an electronics repair technician, running my own little computer/electronics repair shop. i already know how to do it, i just need a building and to be 18 (i turn 18 in december) and people to come and give me their stuff to fix. i love fixing things.

Thoughts on cilantro? its aight ig

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I havent. but i plan to be. i am going to be silly and they cannot prevent it.

What is your cursed food combination? I did my burgers in ketchup if i want ketchup, i did my biscuits in gravy for biscuits and gravy

Trans rights? are epic!!!!!!

@everyone im lazy

[intertexts]

OKAY YOU ASKED FOR THIS . TALKING ABOUT MY FAVORITE BAND EVER THAT I CAN NEVER GET ANY OF MY FRIENDS INTO BECAUSE THEYRE SO SPECIFIC AND WEIRD. VIBRATING LIKE A DOG IN YOUR INBOX. only band ive ever known where i can put their entire discography on shuffle and not skip any of them. i like every cretaure feature song out there theyre so awesome.

OKAY OKAY SPECIFIC HIGHLIGHTS THAT I THINK U SHOULD LISTEN TO .

every day is halloween << this is their most recent song! they released it as a single october 2023 and i was SO EXCITED bc they hadnt released a song in like. 3 years until then. its very silly and bouncy and the way he sings halloweeeen is so fun to me

grim grinning ghosts << yes the song from haunted mansion. i like this cover more than the original if you can believe it :]

GOREY DEMISE << this one is on greatest show unearthed so youve probably already heard it but im highlighting it again because i like it a lot. for YEARS ive wanted to do an october art thing where i draw each of the letters but i havent gotten around to it yet. maybe one day (going to steer clear of greatest show unearthed bc youve heard it but also quick shoutout to how to serve man cannibalism anthem <3)

dr.sawbones << my one worm post that blew up a couple weeks ago was talking about my oc sawbones who i have still not drawn yet. he is basically just this song personified bc i like it so much

dem bones << ALSO FUN AND BOUNCY i like the backing track in this one a lot

the greatest show unearthed returns << fun sequel song :] also fun fact about this and the one before it. my favorite danny phantom villain is named freakshow and his whole thing is that hes ringmaster of an evil goth carnival and i associate these songs with him so much they are basically inseparable at this point.

finally shouting out slashback video and v.h.s.o.s because theyre instrumentals and i really like them :]

OKAY THATS ALL FOR NOW THIS IS GETTING LONG. DUDE IM NOT KIDDING I COULD TALK ABOUT EVERY SONG THEYVE EVER MADE . AUGH. GOOD BAND. once september rolls around i start listening to my halloween playlist on a loop and its like 9 and a half hours long specifically because i have the entire creature feature discography in there

MACKERELMORE. dude. dude. holding u by the shoulders looking into ur eyes. im literally a weird fucking goth i fucking LOVE this shit this is like my fucking lifeblood i will be ur specific weird creature feature friend i PROMMY this is SUCH a little bowl of seeds for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THESE R ALL SO GOOD. BTW. i like dr sawbones & gorey demise tons especially..... goes so hard... everything off american gothic goes so hard... yeayayaya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for SURE i will b looping these u fucking know it dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bnnuy-wabbit]

storytime i suppose. i'm just thinking about it.

i always find it funny that as a kid i always seem to Hit It Off with a Specific subset of Guys. Usually creeps and weirdos, usually they're very fun. Guys that would make any threat assessment go nuts. I'm going to talk about one of those guys. This is the tale of Jeff.

Jeff was a quiet kid. I met him in 8th grade because we were assigned to a coding program. Granted, the amount of coding we did was Minimal, but i became the informatic's teacher favorite little pet, and she often called me over just so i could could kill some time at her air conditioned room. Enters Jeff. Jeff was friends with this weird autistic guy from special ed. He was in 9th grade and he was 21. He was a weirdo (derogatory). We quickly became fast friends because the Coding Program thing was very small. We began to spend a lot of time together.

Nothing happened here, actually. It's just how we met.

In 9th grade we were put in the same classroom. We sat right at the front, with me behind Jeff. He was my best friend!!!

The thing with Jeff was that he had a very particular set of interests. He loved videogames, shooters, RPGs, sandbox games, you name it, he played it. He was a big fan of creepypasta (jeff the killer. hah). He used to love rock music, classical rock, but glam specifically. He was very crafty, too! He loved to make little keepsakes of his favorite movies and games, as well as cosplaying. The weirdest thing, though is that he was extremely obsessed with the columbine massacre. He claimed he collected videos of school shootings! i do not doubt him, by the way, theyre weirdly easy to find if you know where to look and i have seen quite a few myself. But columbine? Jeff was just obsessed with it and the two guys. he found the story interesting and he just vibed with it? yknow the pumped up kicks song? he was always singing it. i know it by heart, and it's because of him.

anyways. i think that obsession with school violence was kind of funny? i never thought he would do anything, yknow? he was super chill. he had plenty of friends, was never bullied at least on the years i was with him. and sure, he was like Kid Rambo and his favorite pasttime was running through the woods killing birds and throwing rocks at cats when he wasn't being crafty, but he was CHILL. Jeff was a cool guy. he videochatted with me once from the top of a tree. he also had a big fat crush on me. i think it was because i was the only girl that was close to him that wasnt like. his cousin or something. but anyways, he tells me he likes me. i say i dont like him back that way, but in reality its because i was Webdating at the time. but like, its chill. Jeff and i kept being friends. it was alright. we more or less kept in contact for a little while before it faded away as it does. one of his friends asked me to reconsider like a year later but it was so sudden i was like ??????? boy no, leabe me a lone.

we kept on talking sometimes though!! a couple years later he mentions something like SUPER off hand about some incident at his school where police got involved. nobody got harmed, but it seems like they found a bomb or something. im not quite sure, he never got into details and i wasnt there to know. but he very much left the i did it implied right there. sometimes i still think about it. im still SO curious over what the FUCK happened. like boy i do not doubt your abilities. you WERE saving up to get a gun last time we talked like 5 years ago (he was 15) but we really havent talked that much since.

ANYWAYS last i heard of him he got engaged. the girl looks weirdly like me. curly brown hair. soft face. idk, its kinda funny

hes on my top 5 favorite weird guys from my life.

[sentientgopro]

Okay, so I know this might sound odd, but I kinda want to keep track of how my feelings have been changing seeing as my life just turned upside down a few days ago. Something feels weird about keeping a note to myself, idk why, For some reason I feel kore comfortable posting it to the internet. Well, I guess that is kinda the point of a blog? Anyway, if youre seeing this but not my last post on Monday, I think I cracked on Sunday Night.

That first post was comprised of how I was feeling Sunday Night- Monday Morning (10/11 Dec) and, well, I'm not going to repeat it. Monday was... weird. I didn't feel great, although thats not significantly out of the ordinary, but I was facing a difficult question I would rather not have to answer, especially when the obvious conclusion was such a difficult one to follow through and act on. It was a question Id rather die than face.

Monday evening was when I decided to start truly planning for the possibility. I may not know If Im right yet, and depending on how hard it may be, I was wondering if it was even worth it. Then I had a look at some trans timelines, and asked people about HRT options, and that was what changed my fuckin life. It was then that I saw how real this was and just how possible this was. The realisation that this was on the cards for me (after a 2 year wait) made me feel really fucking good. Like best Ive felt in a long time. Ive been running on fumes, a list of people to outlive, and "My cats would miss me" but this provided a positive reason to keep going, something to look forward to. For the first time in ages, I wanted to Carry On, not just felt like I had to. And this feeling/ realisation also helped in validating my feelings, that Im not just making it up.

And then came tuesday. The best day Ive had in a long time. I've heard people say "Transitioning may not solve all your problems, but it can make them feel worth solving" but I realised I had that in reverse. My problems are affecting my academic success, so to get out this house and get to Uni, I need to start fixing/ overcoming those problems. My problems feel worth solving so that I can get to transition. I got more done that day and focused easier than I have in a long time.

Later into Tuesday, I considered what my future could look like now. How might it affect other parts about me? I considered my Aroace identity, might it affect that? And I quickly realised I might not be Aro. Why could I see myself happily in a relationship in the future, as a girl, but not as a guy? Hell, I took the idea out of relationships, and realised I couldn't see a happy future at all as a guy. Ive known this for a while, and kinda brushed it off as "Modern society sucks ass" and "Who knows what the future holds" and shit like that, but if that was the case, I wouldnt see a happy future as a girl, which I do. This was another big help in feeling that Im not mistaken about my feelings, and also helps to explain why Ive always felt a little conflicted on my Aromanticism, because it wasn't. As for now, until I can transition, the label still fits. I still think Ill be Ace either way, but I cant know that until the time comes. It doesnt really matter, those labels can be pretty fluid, I shouldnt stress over it. The key takeaway here was that it seemed that Dysphoria was stopping me from wanting a relationship. Perhaps I was wrong about not feeling dysphoria, I think i might just have not been noticing it or understanding it.

I'm caught up to today, which hasn't really seen major developments. I acknowledged the fact that Ive been kinda subconsciously viewing myself as more feminine for years now, but I dont feel like that thought significantly leads anywhere beyond reinforcing how I feel. Most of my thought on this went towards music and lyrics, as now I have a whole new dimension of meanings to find in songs, completely changing how I see alot of them. For example, one song, that I havent been able to find any meaning to until now, has these lines across 2 different verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer,"

and

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror"

After a quick google, the idea of "Breaking a mirror" means bad luck for years, before being okay, which can be interpreted to have fairly heavy parallels to a transition. The first version talks about needing to go through this period, but not being able to or not being ready. As much as I say I cant transition bc of living eith my controlling and transphobic parents, I also know I would not be ready to do it if that wasnt the case. But, as in the second version of these two lines, once I can make it all clearer, If I can just hold out until the end of the two years, if time keeps passing, I can break the mirror.

There are other parts of this song I like and find (questionable) trans meanings in, but these parts stand out. Song is "The Gift" by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman for anyone wondering, I'd best describe it as Melodic heavy metal, heavy instrumentals courtesy of Kevin and beautiful vocal melody courtesy of Elena.

So that was pretty much my day today, finding little bits of meaning in various songs I already listen to. Although its only 2:30PM, there may be more to come later. Regardless, now that ive caught up, Im just going to be keeping every post as its own individual thought or topic. If you did actually read through this, thanks I guess? I dont know why I feel more comfortable writing this here than a private note. Ill only tag this with 196 because eh, why tf not.

[wellnesscard]

omg my teenager coworker was talking about how theyre gonna make a five night at freddys movie im like ya it already came out i saw it - with nic cage? not in my top 10 its no time bandits but whateva. guess nododis seen that one tho. also why do so many ppl with like d.i.d. Obsessed with that franchise ? or maybe thats just tumblr. even b4 tumblr tho there was this girlie at my highschool who was like mental like insane not in reality at all n it was all she fuckin talked about? what specifically is the pull like creating this demographic . but it weirds me out so i dont actually want 2 engage in real five nights at freds only thru the sweet filter of nic cage am i safe ig. cos that was a knockoff? who made that movie it was so weird and not even in an awesome way like many other b movies. idk the whole concept like. and yk fs theres towns like that in america. but theyre just racist. this post is getting away from me . idk the insaneos just dont talk abt jeff the killer anymore maybe im just old . do any pardonmyfrench normal ppl like five nitez at fred. i mean ig my coworkers pretty normal from what i know. ig im probably just in such different spheres from the enjoyers of that n the only ones being crazy abt it is the crazies so. i feel like this isnt very pc im sorry like my brain dont work good too like its no problem to be mentally ill and have interests im just . it throws me thry a loop. that n like taylor swift continuously getting bigger status thru out what feels like my lifespan. like i remember singing 'our song' in first grade w classmates n its like yeah its gud ig im 5 i dont have a critiquing of music mind yet too much. its catchy. never thought shed still be around let alone with a cult following in the year 2023. was it covid? like i havent heard about nikki minaj in ages but taylor swift is being exponential as hell in like . all this. why is she in so many commercials. ok my neighbors just got home one minute and thirty seconds ago and theyre already using power tools fuck yea girls build a house for her!! or that could be a blender tbh i thought i heard hammering though. hammering and sawing. shit did i just stereotype lesbians. i shouldnt be allowed to have tumblr app when im home alone cos then i just type type type whatever i want and we end up with this. oh sidenote too, i have a thickass nodule on my thyroid im having checked today so like ig ilyk laterz if its really fucked. like i hope i dont get all goited up thatd suck. its so funny bc in my eating disorder in highschool i was like oh what a dream itd be to have hyperthyroidism, sighs wistfully. omg what if gods punishing me and i get hypothyroidism and get f*t. but its probably just a lump and its not the consistency of cancer so we good basically. just waiting for the doc to say that too haha! and im like 3 days off all alcohol even the light beers bc i am getting sick of never having energy and like i wanna make sure my life is good and its hard to take care of everything because ngl im a heavy drinker n once i have any alcohol im just like impatiently waiting for my next drink, so. and its expensive when you drink a 12 pack a day plus other alkie snacks such as shooters pints or beers at the bar. and i need to save for a cruiseeee devon n i have been married for almost three years n still havent went on vacation yet goddamn! we deserve it , and i was the sexiest in my life when i was sober for a year too so jot that down.

[grapecaseschoices]

And for both Kai/Nat and Xhyera/Sabir (you didn't list those two but I had to say it, I Wuv Them): 3, 10, 14, 15, and 23!

Ty for the ask bb!! <3

Ship Ask Game

3. What was their first impression of each other?

Kait: I feeI I answered this but idr what Ive said in the past. Hrm. I think Kai noticed Nat -- how can one not. He definitely noticed the combination of her soft smile and her astute gaze, but he was wary.

Nat thought he was hot curious -- he was attractive and brisk and sharp and so different from her in personality, but his style was a contrast from his unimpressed tone.

Xhyera & Sabir: Xhee was like who is this dude? Before she was officially on assignment, she heard about him. Saw him in passing. And it was like 'squint'. He was so colorful and fashionable.

Sabir: Was like she looks severe.

When they first saw each other, she noticed his eyes were kind and he noticed easier how reserved she was. He also realized she was very pretty.

10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

Kait: Is quiet time a hobby? They are both learners. So I feel they've spent some cute times in Nat's and the public library. They share with each other what they've read. They also both like museums [Nat more ofc] but Nat is more sculptures and Kai is more science -- they do both dig museums with natural history, though Kai is more of a tech guy.

Xhyera & Sabir: Was the Commander allowed hobbies? lol

No. But Sabir delights in showing her new stuff and she enjoys getting to share that with him. Xhyera doesn't mind chess and Sabir doesn't fully hate archery. So they do that together the most. They enjoy horse rides together and organizing Sabir's paperwork. Or arguing about it. For a less behind-the-scenes person Xhyera is sure a stickler about how things are set.

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

Kait: I almost said no because Kai is so private but then I rememebred with Nat he don't give a fuck. It is like he zeros into her. And Nat LOVES being handsy with Kai. So yes PDA.

Xhyera & Sabir: They ain't kiss yet! But I feel they would be light smooches -- because of Xhee and more stuff in private. Though light touching and stuff is a go. Though Xhee would love if if Sabir rubbed her shoulders, I feel. And then one must then reciprcate. So he wouldget away with that.

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

Kait: Once again I would like to plug Kait's playlist.

It is usually The More I See You. But I also really dig Bloom [BONUS TRACK] by The Paper Kites.

"Oh, the whole world is sleeping. But why world is you."

Stay by Rhianna is another great one.

Xhyera x Sabir: This is the first song in the playlist of theirs that I havent done jack with in half a year: Where's My Love? by SYML

"Cold sheets, oh, where's my love? I am searching high I'm searching low in the night

Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same? Ooh, don't wanna cry but I break that way"

23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?

Kait: Differences but appreciation, mutual respect, quiet and stillness and patience. Similarities that balance. Enjoying seeing the other smile and be safe.

[from this web weave]

Xhyera & Sabir: I see you but what is more I believe you. I have seen the best and the worst of you, and I choose both. Sabir to Xhyera: Let me grant you a place to breathe. Xhyera to Sabir: I'll be your rock and your shield; let me protect you from the bad intentions of others. Yet even with all that, they are both to choose the world if the other went evil. A justice minded pair.

[from this web weave]

[loud-whistling-yes]

Turns out arukara has the instrumental version of kaitou miracle shounen boy 2 on spotify, a fact I found by complete coincidence and accident. And I can sing the entire thing from memory despite not being in the fandom for years and I feel like that just shows how much this show has fundamentally changed my brain chemistry since I was a 10 year old

[queerdesire]

Oh yes yes I should have tried harder because fuck 🥵

[heavenwithgyu]

locked in heaven

pairing: vernon x gn!reader (mentions reader wearing skirt once when describing the outfit somewhat but other than that nothing else!)

genre: fluff !

a/n i got this idea from tiktok lol ! i used filters to come up with the premise (forced proximity and vernon) and the rest was just me so :P also costume party bc halloween is so close and idk how long i’ll keep this writing spree !! i havent written this much in so long its crazy :)) i took the songs mentioned from seungkwans playlist on spotify so its songs he actually listens to and i absolutely adore ftisland so seeing them on there made me so happy

proofread: sorta, tumblr deleted part of my draft so i had to rewrite some which i didn’t reread

warnings: seungkwan says an suggestive joke accidentally, reader repeats it, brief mentions of drinking (reader doesnt and neither does vernon) uhhh kiss/makeout scene

Seungkwan had finally convinced you to go to one of his halloween parties, when he first asked you about it a couple of years ago, you weren’t as close so you said no.

The year after when he asked, you had already agreed to going to another friends party so you had to decline, treating him to lunch because of how petty he was afterwards. Any time you would ask to hang out a few days after the party, he would be telling you to go ask your other friends before you finally caved and told him you’d pay for him. He agreed.

This year he had asked you before your other friend even began planning theirs, spurring you on with the idea that Vernon would be there. Seungkwan knew you had the fattest fucking crush on him and who were you to say no to being at a party with your crush?

It gave you the chance to get to know him better, so you agreed, telling him you had no idea what to be. He had given you the idea to be an angel, said the halo and wings would look good on you.

You should’ve suspected the reason why he instantly knew what you should be but you didn’t, which is why when Seungkwan pulled up to your house just as you had finished getting ready, Vernon following behind him and dressed as the devil, you knew you were in for one tonight.

“Oh you guys are matching! How cute!” Seungkwan mused once he got inside, Vernon’s eyes locked onto your outfit, his face unreadable as traced up from your white skirt to the halo that you had gotten on your head with a headband and a piece of wire.

“Don’t go corrupting them!” Seungkwan scolded playfully, slight shock overrided you at his words and then he seemed to realize what he said. “Oh, not like that, oh I could’ve worded that better,” he said, his hand covering his mouth and you were giggling, walking over to the other man.

A smile on your lips as you looked at him, his eyes pouring into yours. “You heard him, don’t go corrupting me,” you repeated, his eyes widening while Seungkwan was telling you to shut up, obviously annoyed with you spurring on his misspeak.

Another giggle left you while Seungkwan was pushing you out of your house, Vernon following the two of you out and shutting your door since you were being pushed all the way to Seungkwan’s car. He was scolding you the entire time, saying how it’s not nice to make fun of mistakes, that he is soo nice to you all the time and you treat him like this.

You got into the back seat, letting Vernon have the front seat since he had been sitting there on the way to your house so all his stuff was still up there. Seungkwan was still going on about how he had done so many things for you when Vernon was getting into the car, a laugh slipping out of his lips when he realized that.

Vernon put on some music to shut him up, Seungkwan not protesting since he enjoyed the song that was on, singing along to it immediately while beginning to drive to his house so he could get the party ready.

You knew it wouldn’t rake him long, he probably had most of it set up already and just had to do a few finishing touches like scattered decorations or something of the sorts. You began humming along to Take Me Now by FTISLAND, surprised since the song that had last played was one by Harry Styles.

He didn’t live that far away from you so it didn’t take long to get to your house, the next song started to play as he pulled up. He sighed as he turned off he car, normally if he liked the song enough, he would wait until it finishes to leave but he didn’t have the time to.

You all got out, holding your bag close to you since you had never gone to one of his parties before, you were close with all the guys but it would be more than just them there. Seungkwan asked you to help him put silly stickers around, one’s that were fake blood and had writing that said ‘help me’, and stuff like that.

You were reaching up to put one of the stickers where he told you, up close to the ceiling for some god awful reason, but you couldn’t quite get it there. You looked around for something to stand on, just to give yourself an extra inch or two because you knew Seungkwan would be picky.

“Here, I got it,” Vernon’s voice suddenly said from next to you, carefully grazing your fingers to take the sticker from you, sticking it where he saw Seungkwan tell you to.

You muttered a quick thank you, feeling your fingers buzz from the gesture, it was small, it was nothing, you knew you shouldn’t be this flustered over it, but it was him, you couldn’t help yourself.

A few of the others began to come in, Minghao was dressed as a cowboy, boots and all, a smile gracing your lips at the sight because he looked funny. “Howdy partner!” you called to him, he grumbled, Seungkwan coming over and laughing.

“Seokmin and I made a bet, I lost,” is all Minghao said before he was off into the kitchen, presumably looking for the alcohol to start the night off early. He was ticked off from what it seemed, he hated losing bets, he was a competitive person by all means.

Seokmin followed in after him quickly, absolutely beaming with pride while he was dressed up as Pennywise. “Did you guys see him?” he asked, a slight giggle in his voice and Seungkwan was quietly telling him he was a genius and that he should win bets more often.

Minghao came back out with a cup in his hand, a glare sent to the two who were giggling, Seungkwan instantly trying to find something to pull him out of his situation. “Oh, uhm, Vernon! Help me with the rest of these?” he seemed to have settled on continuing to decorate, holding up the pack.

You glanced at the boy who was still beside you, him blinking a couple times while looking at Seungkwan, “Huh? Oh yeah, sure.” He walked over to the other, grabbing some and walking off to go put them places, not even waiting for Seungkwan to direct him.

A hum left you as you walked over to Hao, letting him complain about how Seokmin most definitely cheated somehow, just to see him wear this. He was planning on being Jack Skellington and had the makeup for him down but he just had to lose the bet, which he wouldn’t tell you about.

He brushed off the question both times you asked, so you just assumed he was holding onto the little bits of dignity he had left. “Y’know, you look like Woody from Toy Story,” you snickered after you looked at his outfit more, a loud sigh coming from him and then he was taking a swig of his cup.

“Whatever,” he muttered, walking off as more people began to file into the house, Seungkwan setting off towards where people weren’t to finish up and make it look like it wasn’t last minute.

You found yourself in the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water, surprised Seungkwan even had them in his fridge at a party to begin with, but you were grateful nonetheless. Sipping it as you walked out towards where the party had seemed to come alive spontaneously, music, people, everything.

While it wasn’t a lot of people, it was still people, you decided to walk around until you at least found someone you knew in the slightest, seeing Chan dressed as fucking Pikachu, no way.

You sat down next to him, holding in a laugh when he meets your eyes because he can see that little glint meaning you were going to make tease him for his outfit, a quick “Hey Chan—”

He quickly cut you off, “I don’t want to hear it,” him sighing right after and leaning his head back against the couch, sulking through his yellow face paint.

From the way he is sitting, you can tell he also painted his neck which causes a laugh to fall from you finally, him turning his head to face away from you at the sound, his nose scrunching.

You reached over and flicked one of his ears to his hoodie, giggling out “You look so cute~ Makes me wish I had a pokeball to—”

“I get it! Pikachu is funny,” He exclaims, making sure you didn’t get to actually make fun of him, which sucks the fun out of him being dressed like this.

A hum and you’re telling him goodbye, making sure to call him Pikachu instead of Chan which causes him to sulk more, walking off to go find someone you knew.

You wanted to find someone who was relatively alone because everyone who you were finding seemed to be very invested in their conversations would means you wouldn’t be spared the time of day.

Another swig of your water bottle as you finally settled on just roaming around, walking through the hallway and peeking into open rooms to find anyone who wasn’t caught up in something— or someone like Gyu was. He must’ve forgotten to shut the door or something because as you peeked your head in, you saw him making out with someone.

A sight you wished you could forget but also you were glad to see because at least he hadn’t gotten any further than that.

You got into a slightly deserted part of the hallway, leaning against the wall and pulling out your phone, trying to pass the time without getting super bored in the process.

You brought your hand up to open your water but a hand grabbed your wrist instead, looking up to see Seungkwan excitedly telling you, “We’re playing a game! C’mon.”

You didn’t protest, letting him lead you to a room that held a random people from the party, a couple of the boys, and Vernon. You quickly realized what they were playing, Spin The Bottle, at least you assumed with how everyone was sitting in a circle.

The thought of Vernon spinning the bottle and landing on someone else, kissing someone else right in front of you immediately crossed your mind.

You almost told Seungkwan that you didn’t want to play and left. Almost. The little devil on your shoulder was telling you all the possibilities if Vernon spun the bottle and it landed on you, that he would be kissing you.

So you sat down, all logic thrown out the window because there had to be at least 15 people and the chances of him landing on you out of 14? Slim. Close to none.

But there was a chance.

Seungkwan set a bottle in the middle, staying there, “So we all know what this is right?” he asked, a few people shaking their heads to where he was sighing, “It’s a combination of Spin The Bottle and Seven Minutes In Heaven, makes it more fun that way.”

Oh.

Your eyes wanted to look at Vernon, to see his reaction, though you were sure he already knew that since Seungkwan probably told him before he gathered people so your eyes stayed on Seungkwan.

“Who wants to go first?” he asked, his hand still on the bottle, and for some god forsaken reason, Vernon was saying he would.

Your stomach felt like it was in knots as his hand reached for the bottle, his eyes locking with yours before he was glancing around the circle. For some reason, your breath stopped, did he want to land on you?

No.

No you were sat across from him, of course he’d look at you right now, he would’ve looked at whoever was in your spot.

After what felt like an eternity, he spun it, your eyes staring intensely at it as you prayed to every possible God you could think of to have it land on you. You were an angel, they had to help you in your time of need.

The bottle began to slow, your nails wanting to dig into your palms but you tried to act like you didn’t care who it landed on, that the idea of him kissing someone else didn’t make your heart sting.

Because why would it land on you?

You were 1 out of 14, it was stupid chances and you should’ve never played and you wanted to look away to save yourself the disappointment whenever it stopped at— you.

It stopped at you.

Your eyes met Vernon’s, relief faintly on his features but you told yourself that you were imagining it, that he was just glad to have gotten someone he knows.

Why would he want to kiss you? He wouldn’t, he would’ve done it already if he did, there’s no way he wanted to be trapped in a closet with your for seven long minutes.

You were pulled, literally, out of your thoughts by Seungkwan tugging you to stand, Vernon’s arm in his other hand as he was leading you two to a door. You knew this door, this door led to a bathroom would led to another room which wasn’t frequented.

Gulping as Seungkwan pushed you into the other room, smiling at both of you with an evil grin, “See you two in seven minutes~” His voice was sickly sweet and you wanted to pass out when he closed the door.

It was you two, in a room. Alone. At least you weren’t pressed against each other in some tight closet.

“Have you, uhm, have you had your first kiss?” Vernon’s voice suddenly speaks but its quiet, you almost miss it, but you don’t because how could you miss his voice? Your eyes meet his, his hold worry.

You decide to tease him, “No, wanna be my first?” you ask nonchalantly, his eyes widen to comical levels while he’s opening his mouth to say something, shutting it right after. “I’m just kidding, Nonie, I’ve kissed people,” you tell him after a few seconds, walking over and for some reason, putting your hand on his arm.

You tell yourself it’s to help him relax but it’s most definitely just to feel his skin on yours even in the slightest way. “That was a terrible opener by the way,” more teasing leaves you, your hand also leaving him, you miss the way his fingers twitch as he wants to touch you instead.

He laughs softly, nodding, “Yeah, couldn’t think of anything better and the only thing on my mind was kissing so—” He cuts his sentence off short, seemingly thinking he said too much with the way he’s gulping, his eyes moving between yours quickly.

He’s nervous, you can tell, he’s hard to read to most people but to you? You can read him like the back of your hand, shallowly, you can never tell the reason he’s feeling it but you can tell what he’s feeling.

Wait.. the only thing on his mind was kissing? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was he thinking of the game? Was he thinking of kissing someone else out there? Was he thinking of kissing you?

Your mind was racing with thoughts as you try to decode what he said, hoping by some miracle it’s a confession and you can finally kiss him.

But you can’t, it’s too vague, you don’t have enough to work with to come up with anything concrete. So you two are left looking at each other, words on the tip of your tongue that you want to spill out, that you want him to kiss you, but they don’t come.

Because while you’re silent, he is too, leaving you no indicator that he also wants it. So you’re left, looking at him. “Man, Seungkwan needs to clean this room,” Vernon suddenly says, you hadn’t noticed him look away and you peel your eyes away from him to look around, a laugh slipping past your throat.

“Yeah he really does, jeez,” you reply, not knowing how else to continue the conversation because all you can think about is what the fuck you should do. Fuck it. “Nonie,” you call out to him, his attention immediately on you, and you’re finishing your sentence before he can say anything, “you should kiss me.”

He doesn’t move, neither do you, but he seems to be frozen in his, not even breathing while he stares at you. “What?” he asks, dumbly, after a few seconds and you’re starting to think you’re making a huge mistake but you can’t turn back now so you’re just repeating yourself, quieter this time.

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds again and your heart is racing and your body feeling like it’s about to throw up whatever you last ate and you realize just how dry your throat is gotten and how you left your water bottle out sitting in the circle still.

You’re too busy overthinking to see him walk over to you, his hand grazing your cheek pulls you back to reality, his eyes pouring into yours, silently asking if you were sure.

You nod slightly to him, letting him know you are, your hands reaching out to hold the back of his neck and he’s softly pressing his lips against yours.

It’s barely a kiss but it’s enough to feel as though matches had just struck your skin, your hands pulling him closer to kiss him more. He practically melts into you, his hands moving to grip your waist so he can ground himself.

You swear you’re losing your mind with how strong his cologne is, how his fingers dig into you to make sure you aren’t going to disappear, how his lips mold against yours— Your head is spinning. It’s too much, but it’s also not enough, you need him to kiss you harder.

It’s still featherlight and you need to feel his lips against yours more, he pulls back to breathe, you think, or find his sanity like you need to do, his eyes still closed. “Vernon,” you whisper, his eyebrows furrowing as you call him by his name, something you haven’t done in what feels like years, “Kiss me like you mean it.”

He smiles at you, his eyes practically sparking as he captures your lips in his again, finally pressing against yours firmly, his arms moving to wrap around you to hold you even closer when that doesn’t feel possible.

Your hands move to his hair, not caring that he had it done up and slicked back, he doesn’t seem to care either because he’s even smiling against you, tilting his head more to deepen the kiss.

Lungs are aching as you both sit there, absorbed in each other, but you couldn’t care, not when he’s like this with you. His lips part and yours do the same, his tongue carefully meeting yours before the door flies open, revealing Seungkwan standing there.

“I knew this would get you two together!” He exclaims triumphantly, a wide smile on his face while you two are practically jumping away from each other, heat spreading to both your cheeks.

You don’t say anything and just look at Vernon, him doing the same and then he’s walking over to the door, pushing Seungkwan out of the room. “Five more minutes,” he says, shutting the door and then walking back over to you, arms wrapping right back around you.

“I like you by the way,” he suddenly confesses, kissing you once again before you can respond and you’re left standing there torn— to kiss him back or confess back.

[just-being-leonest]

Live thoughts about season 2 episode 1

I am exhausted mentally so have fun deciphering what I’m saying

Transition from 0;48-0;49 was abrupt

why haven’t we heard about siblings before?

“cease this bitch crying” the curse is unneeded. it doesn’t fit with the kingly vibe of the character. he’s an asshole father yes but hes also supposed to be a regal king. you don’t need a curse there, it breaks character.

the circus bit with just blitz and fizz seems... kinda dumb and nonsensical? maybe something is just flying over my head but that scene feels empty and not in a good way

hold up... so i havent finished the episode yet (at 5;21) but did stolas’s family fucking own blitz? if so that makes stoliz even worse of a ship and even if they didnt that power dynamic is so fucking off. 

the balloon animal scene is... interesting

blitz having an abusive and manipulative father doesn’t excuse the fact he is now an asshole that ignores boundaries and uses people. a great example of this is bojack horseman

why hasn’t it been mentioned that they fucking know each other from childhood before? 

“I’m so good at daddy-ing” the only funny quote from helluva boss

“The living world” so are... demons and imps and shit not alive or smthing?

yeah no hes not a good boss. 

imma be honest, maybe it’s me being aromantic and not understanding love and shit, but if the person i liked as a kid came over and stole a bunch of shit from me, tricking me into helping them, 25 years later i wouldn’t still like that kid.

OKAY DOES STELLA FUCKING LIVE THERE OR NOT

LIKE SERIOUSLY EPISODE SEVEN

STOLAS SAID OCTAVIA WAS AT HER MOTHERS

IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT

WE CAN ASSUME SHE LEFT WITH OCTAVIA

SO DOES STELLA FUCKING LIVE THERE OR N O T

edit: apparently this was a flashback which. wasn’t made clear. at all

edit edit: SHE STILL FUCKING LIVES THERE????

also is no one gonna stop and think that Stella was also forced into this marriage?

like oh no shes an asshole kid

so is blitz

okay nitpick but the glass was empty when she threw it against the window why did it leave a red stain. 13;37

WAIT THIS ISNT PRESENT DAY

TF YOU COULDVE MADE THAT MORE CLEAR

Also the power imbalance here isnt sexy its disgusting

✨manipulation✨ and ✨power imbalance✨

“i barely remember your name” bitch why tf you lusting after him still-

sex repulsed ace just became more sex repulsed 

i skipped through the... i dont want to call it foreplay. ive read better foreplay in smut fanfiction written by virgin 12 year olds.

“thats the sound of a fucking divorce” SO WHY IS SHE TRYING TO KILL HIM

calling anti depressants happy pills is classy. stay classy viv. 

im not listening to the song i have no energy nor time for that bs i have an episode of welcome to demon school iruma-kun that’s begging to be watched after this

DOES

STELLA

FUCKING

LIVE 

THERE

OR

NOT

OKAY THANK YOU FOR THE ANSWER

Can you not kick her out

or just 

idk

fucking

move

YOU HAVENT GOTTEN THE DIVORCE YET

also random thoughth but yes i do consider stella abusive

funny how all the female characters in helluva boss with any sense of story purpose are either dicks (or framed as such in the case of Verosika) or are just there as props to give the male characters some semblance of a character

all in all

episode was confusing

and characters werent v realistic

3/10

[angstics]

a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.

night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.

before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:

after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.

but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.

i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.

the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.

that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.

june 26 i watched ->

side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):

july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.

then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps

this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.

july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.

at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.

well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->

then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.

same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.

layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.

sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.

i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.

so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.

i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.

july 26 2020, i looked this up:

i have no memory of this at all.

the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.

i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-