#i havent been on here in like decades
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ermmm so its been a while… i like one piece now
#art#school doodles#doodle#tony tony chopper#one piece chopper#one piece#ik its crazy#i havent been on here in like decades#haha oops#kinda forgot i had tumblr#lmao mb
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2: kitty collector
#danganronpa#makoto naegi#leon kuwata#naeleon#makuwata#leonaegi#makoleon#2#10/29/2024#fia.png#⚾️🍀#dont know if n/eko a/tsume fanbase is active on here but#still dont wanna take the chance of putting this in a non-dr tag#i have got to get better at drawing cats. i used to be so proficient but i havent actually done it in like half a decade#plus the style is unexpectedly tricky to translate to a larger size...#anyway ive been thinking about assigning n/eko a/tsume cats to the dr cast like in general its soooo fun#makoto is obviously a good fit for snowball because theyre like your Default and Starter cat#and 'mellow' fits just fine#leon is obviously fred 'lady-killer' who is also completely orange LMAO#i would give sayaka mack for 'determined'#not sure who to give gabriel to because 'diligent' is a good descriptor of Many people#so on so forth
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hello there! it's me, Tortilla, known mostly as Mod by the people who have been following this blog for a While!
if you've ever scrolled for a bit here, you've probably Seen that I've tried a few times to get back into posting more often and failed comically as i grappled with the dreaded Mental Eel Nesses and Executive Dysfunction, among other things. especially since ask blogs aren't as popular as they were back in the day when i made this blog (2015! turned 9 years last aug 15th! that's an entire child. jin owes me a lot of child support,)
(before anyone gets scared, no I'm not deleting anything lol gimme a sec to word this thought)
okay so like. cutting straight to the point not gonna get sentimental right now I'll save that for later: i want to keep this blog active REALLY bad, but as much as I'd like to, for multiple reasons i cannot draw as much as i did back in the day, which is like... the main thing i usually post here. so I've been pondering for the past year or so What to Do about it
my one idea is to turn this into a general kgpr blog and reblog other people's art and official stuff and the alike here, instead of keeping it Just My Stuff
but the thing is, if i DO that i would want to change my url, because reblogging art to a place that's named "badly drawn--" whatever is. i Don't Want That y'know? it's disrespectful lol
the thing is that that's soooo many links that would Break. among other things. (+ i have nooo clue what id change the name to but that's a different issue)
so like, my question here is,
#...ngl i could swear i had more to say in this post but i forgot so uh. jazz hands#mod post#ive been going back and forth on this for a While lol..drafting posts and deleting them and rewording#life's been rough but kp's been there for me always and recently ive been back in the pit again#(managed to drag some of my friends in! they're having fun)#and ive been doing a doodle or two here and there but they're not in the badly drawn™ style#and after nearly a decade i STILL dont know if im allowed to post my normal style art here#(yes i know it's my blog i can do whatever. my brain works in mysterious ways. not even my therapist knows how it works)#if i do repurpose this id definitely go back and make the organization system better too lol which may take a bit#since there's like. over 2k posts or smth here? last i checked anyway#maybe more#might be over 3k but id rather lowball it#anyways im rambling uhhhhh#feel free to give more options/ideas if what i said doesnt feel Quite like the solution ig?#i just know ive been getting new followers still even when i havent been posting and it makes me feel bad like OH NO.... I HAVENT POSTED....
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something something the inherent horror of feeling and watching your own body age even though you'll forever stay the same age and state of mind.
#im not even supposed to be out unsupervised lol. im just here#i wake up and my dog isn't even alive anymore. i havent been in middle school for nearly a decade but i remember it like it was yesterday#no one else here does#there's my little overshare thing for the night just like i did back in the day!! goodnight!!
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this is exactly precisely 100% what challenging + ~getting better™~ with regards to some of ur ocd thoughts feels like btw
i get images stuck in my head sometimes, like how u get songs stuck in ur head or echolalia. this^ has been here often recently :)
#guys its ok :)#it occurred to me i havent been told by my ocd?psychosis-adjacent undiagnosed thing? that 'im going to hell' in a while#like i havent heard that mentioned in a longass time in here *points to head*#i don't even have religious trauma btw it's completely inexplicably mental illness related. but it was a big fixation for decades#anyway YAYYY RECOVERY#synthazapine#because bein medicated probs has something to do with it#almost 1yr now 🎉
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"have you eaten?" "yes" i said, like a liar
#vent#ed tw#i havent been coping very well and i've been lying to my parents about my disordered eating in these past few days#i did have breakfast. and a chamomile. and a plain tofu burger. about 7 hrs ago#couldn't bring myself to eat anymore because i just. cant#i had a panic attack earlier and another one yesterday and im drained because i havent had this many in a row in years#and if im reverting back to how i was a decade ago im killing myself this time without a question because now i know how it goes#i feel like nothing could ever fix the situation im in in general in life and just thinking about it is sending me into a panic again#i feel so alone yet so overwhelmed and so stupid and so tired of everythibg#tomorrow i have breakfast with my friends and i cant just not eat because they will absolutely force me to#like theyve been around long enough to just know without asking too many questions but still making sure i eat#also i didnt plan anything for lunch and my fridge is half empty bc i didnt have the physical strength to go grocery shopping#so i have i think yoghurt bananas tofu burgers and water#also one tomato. just checked#im so tired i want to die and not out of despair but out of exhaustion#like. i did what i had to do in this life. failed miserably. seen enough. i dont think being here for any longer would be fun#sorry if you followed me via ao3. i vent a lot here. sorry.#being an adult with these issues that teens usually have is mortifying. genuinely
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i wonder if any of you would have seen my two trucks twas the night before christmas poem comment on a post like 6 years ago. hmmmm……
#its one post i know got over 100k but it didnt become a yearly xmas thing because i havent seen it around without looking for it#i was just reminded of it bc of the previous video.#i quite literally never comment on posts. like maybe max 5 in the decade ive been on here. so when i do it means im saying something crucial#and that was two trucks twas the night before christmas.
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i am so fucking hungry everypony
#wind howls#i had 2 slices of ham before i left the house and on my way back i got a couple pastries and boba#but its not good practice (plus risky with covid) to eat on the metro/bus so they are in my backpack . unopened. uneaten.#and now im and the pharmacy to get new meds (pills ?! havent had pills prescribed to me since 2018 !!!) and i cant eat here either#and after that i am going to the dollar store next door for a couple items i need . beloveds i am starving#i am going to eat like i havent been fed in a Decade when i get home. im hungry and my legs are sleepy tired.
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Depression is so fucking stupid. Oh i go through a lil stress and change and i dont see my friends as often as I'd like to and suddenly my brain is like Well. :) theres a simple solution for all of this!
Like uh yeah and spoiler alert it's not what u fucking think!! Just gotta spend some time with friends and get back into a regular schedule and rhythm and I'll be fucking fine. Fucking edgelord
#For reallllll#And all of this bc i didnt get a week of vacation and had to undergo some Life Changes and work to get my drivers license#And suddenly it's like the sun hasn't been out in decades and i havent felt joy in just as long#Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And yknow what i def believe that my autism plays a role in this#Like.. I lose the regular schedule of school in summer and suddenly it's like im fighting for my fucking life out here
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im currently writing again for a fandom i havent written for in four years, this is so weird, but also cool to see how much ive changed as a writer omg
#rrposts#ill soon be posting dc stuff again#if u follow my main you might have noticed the uptick in bat content#and its going to flow into here#it was one of my earlier fandoms#and its cool to return#but also whack#bc i havent been here since 2019#like last decade#i still like the same tropes ngl#but ive gotten more serious#in the sense that my old work was very much crack#(as i view it now)#and i need it to make a little bit more sense#not that it cant be crack. but im making it realistic
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im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick
#tales from diana#i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now#don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!!#but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do#i can do everything right#and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY#only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems!#but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read.#just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy#ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know.#and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall#most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep#rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd.#sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know.#but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much.#my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago#but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill#and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half.#i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication#and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried#it might not be so effective.#but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours#i had energy throughout the day too#i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk.#i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad#but whatever. whatever!#im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone
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sa tw in the tags. just need to get it out idk
#sa tw#look i know people hate blondie now but god she speaks to me sometimes#i listen to wouldve couldve shouldve and get venomously angry at Him.#and yeah maybe it happened to him too. but what about me? why do i need to have sympathy for someone who hurt me like that?#give me back my girlhood it was mine first! i was an adult too young.#i maintain the peace for survival but god. i cant believe i just. havent lashed out at all#im gonna explode one day#something something promising grown man that makes me sick#thats probably why ive always wanted to be friends with people older than me.#my estimated age by most strangers is about 3 years older#because guess what? ive got a young face and an old ass soul! im like 30 in here! ive been 21 for 18 years!#i shouldnt have had to grow up so quick. i shouldn't have had to keep it to myself for a decade.#my brain is 6 and 21 and 35 and 50
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criticism against barbie and what that whole brand represented is hardly new and i just find it interesting how with the movie and everyones hype for it suddenly no one wants to talk about that particular discourse or act like it never happened..... k
#interesting choices being made with the selective memory#i dont even have beef with barbie like my self esteem was not out here being affected by a doll#but also lets not sit here and pretend people havent been raising these concers for decades
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The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)
#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom#but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits#with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :)#because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol#either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it#fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left#in relative peace#I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY#all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect#years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck#and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche#I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind#i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who.#was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return#cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet#and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like#im fucked once again gang#to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore#if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes#straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam#not anymore at least#keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right#only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I#gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street#would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement.#this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you#does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it#or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes.#is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it#does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point
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#lmao i just had a pro ana blog follow me#like im not mad about it you can stay if i was uncomfortable with it i would just block them but also idk what youre here for#have you seen the gay pirates yet? i hope you have otherwise i might drive you off#god i havent been anorexic in like almost a decade now. wildin#is it cuz im posting emo?
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In an ideal world, it would be a program for Deaf teachers, the government could even put it under vocational rehab if they wanted to! Unfortunately, even some Deaf schools don't employ many Deaf teachers and a lot of teaching jobs end up going to interpreters or just hearing & non-signing people instead. But you're right and I love what you said, we can hope 🩷
idk man. i just think itd be really cool if sign language classes were mandatory throughout primary school. yeah because it would make communication with deaf kids and autistic/nonverbal kids much easier. and those kids would be accessible to the others so they cold make friends and have healthy relationships. yeah. and kids would eat that shit up man. like their own little secret language? they love that.
#during the school year i teach under a program set up by a CODA which is awesome but it's not a government (public school) job#i have a few regulars at my primary job who work at the local Deaf primary school and none of them can carry much of a convo#they can probably sign at a 2nd grade level or so but that's really not enough#there's a decent residential school w Deaf teachers but that requires being willing to send your child away for like 9 months of the year#this turned into basically a rant at the current system 😅 sorry but yeah i think the first step to teaching sign language in primary school#is overhauling the current system for teaching Deaf students as a whole#some schools are decent at it but a lot of us end up in special ed with 2 rotating terps and missing half the day in speech therapy#or in a 'Deaf school' surrounded by hearies. the exceptions in the US are all in like MD KY CA and TX#even then it's specific areas of those states#i didnt meet a Deaf adult until i was 17. i didnt get into the community until i was 20.#Deaf teachers in Deaf schools=> proof of concept that being Deaf does not mean youre incapable of caring for students=>#Deaf teachers in hearing high schools as a language elective=> studies on d/D/HoH feelings of inclusivity with their peers who learn=>#Language elective starting in middle schools=> improved literacy rates in Deafies bc they have teachers who understand them at a younger age#=> primary school inclusion of sign languages in the curriculum starting in third grade=> studies on whether hearing kids need reading-#-skills to understand signed languages=> sign language in curriculum starting in first grade or ideally kindergarten#is kind of the funnel i'd imagine we'd see for optimal chances of having fluent teachers in primary education for hearing students#which would. take at least a couple of decades.#also if this sounds argumentative i dont mean it that way at all!! this is a dream for me but it needs to be done right.#and no one is going to fund it the right way without a fight. terps are great but outside of codas they arent native.#we need native speakers teaching our language or it gets twisted fast. even my favorite (/most fluent non-native speaker) terp-#-cant sign a simple word like cereal- she signs soup for both soup and cereal 😭#and she's been using asl since she was 12 and is almost 50 now. i love her to death and ive tried correcting her#but it wasnt reinforced that way when she was young and now it's ingrained in her.#anyway sorry op if you read all of this i know it was very much this is just something im really passionate about and i want to see happen#like youre so right and i love the fact that youre talking about it and that so many people agree i just have a lot of feelings about it#ALSO if you havent read them i highly recommend the books:#Forbidden Signs by Douglas Baynton#Everyone Here Spoke Sign Language by Nora Groce#and Introduction to American Deaf Culture by Thomas K Holcomb#(obv a usamerican POV but the middle one is relevant anywhere i think) for their insights on sign language teaching/integration
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