#i haven't created anything new even though i save so many ideas

[alciavikkander]

slowly working through my art block by creating a page on my blog for my portfolio if you wanna check it out.

[intuitively-her]

It's time to come back down to Earth. You've had your head in the clouds for way too long now. Something or someone that you're stuck on has you distracted. You haven't been making the best decisions lately. Stop being impulsive and think before you act. It's only creating unnecessary chaos for you. You need to get out of your own way and let go of control for now.

It's time to accept change. Open your mind to new ways of thinking. You're trying to hold onto something that is not for you anymore. Remember that every ending brings a new beginning. You need to cleanse yourself of anything that reminds you of your past. Get rid of old things. Some of you literally need to deep clean your home. Stop keeping up with people from your past. That sh*t does not serve you anymore. Wake up! Your guides want you to know that you are protected at this time. Hand your worries over to them. Pray more often if you feel you need to.

You are learning to be more nurturing to those around you. You are or need to be keeping up with your prayers, spiritual practices, and self-care. This will bring out a new side of you. You really need to trust your intuition at this time. I am seeing that you will soon be presented with an opportunity to take a leap of faith towards a new beginning. You have to trust yourself though! There will be a lot of eyes on you soon.

Continue to open your heart to those around you. Release any grudges that you have because you're only hurting yourself. Take more time to nourish the close relationships that you have. Time is precious. Be cautious of getting too caught up in your own world that you forget to live in the present. Give yourself time to rest so that you can be prepared for the next cycle. You deserve it. You have taken on too much and it is time for a cleanse. Allow yourself to focus on new ideas and let your imagination run wild. You may have to try many different techniques to manifest what you desire. It's time to switch it up. Lastly, your guides want you to know that you are being guided and protected, even if you can't see how. There is a lesson, blessing, or miracle in every situation that you've ever faced.🫶🏽

Something has humbled you recently. I feel like you were forced to let go of something/someone. You thought that this person would always be here for you. For some of you, you may have literally lost someone close to you. If so, my condolences.❤️ Gemini's you need to get it together! I'm sensing a lack of control and discipline here. Stop making impulsive decisions and save your money! It's time to adapt. Your ways of living do not serve you anymore. Invite more optimism into your life. There's more than one way to do things. Stop downplaying your skills and live up to your potential. You are so much better than the things that you settle for! Work on your self-concept. Speak nicely to yourself. Put yourself on a pedestal. You deserve good things!🌸

It's time to tap into your intuition. Allow others to guide you. You won't always have the answers. Take some time to reflect. It can help you see things that you overlooked or consider something that you never have before. So, take some time to clear your mind. The answers to your questions will come when you stop searching. Pay attention to the guidance being presented right in front of you. You are being asked to embrace this transition. Although it may be painful, this is much needed for you.🩷

*ONLY TAKE WHAT RESONATES*

🩷Please DO NOT copy, repost, or steal my work. Thanks!🩷

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Little scene from the idea I had before about a wall separating the characters. In and out of a dome.

Let me know what you think.

***

Lily couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop feeling that something was missing. That something was wrong. Maybe it was the dead parents that she couldn't remember well. Or the idea that she was alone even when she was surrounded by a lot of friends at Hogwarts.

All the people that was here had lost something. They were victims of the attack that the savages had made. Now they were comfortable in the castle. It had become a refuge for many people after the war. But not quite, outside the barrier, Lily was scared of the remaining savages that were thirst to kill her. To kill all of them.

"You haven't seen the horrible things I've seen there, Lily" Severus had told her.

Severus, like many other volunteers, were guards that protected wizards from the savages out there. Severus did save Lily the night her parents were killed. She barely remembered but she was grateful towards him.

Sometimes, though, Lily wanted to see what was out there. Something in her heart told her that someone was waiting for her. Maybe she was bonkers.

Lily sat up, giving up on her attempt to sleep. She saw Marlene sleeping in the bed next to her. She was whispering again.

"No... Please... Don't kill me..."

Poor girl.

What happened to Marlene was unknown. She had recently arrived. She was the new girl. Probably savages killed someone she loved. Maybe her parents.

They were all orphans anyway.

Lily couldn't believe that she had felt threathened by Marlene's beauty. Lily used to be the queen bee of her last magical school. She remembered she used to have everything. Money, beauty, friends, boyfriends... Things had changed a lot since the accident.

She felt empty all the time.

Lily couldn't stand the weird feeling inside of her. She needed to go out. She needed to think.

****

She's in there. James thought. His heart told him that Lily was inside that barrier. The wall was high and a magic barrier created a dome around the castle.

It was funny how Hogwarts used to be his home. Their home. Now death eaters controlled it.

They had taken everything away from James. His friends Peter and Marlene. His best friend Sirius. And his girlfriend Lily. God his beautiful Lily.

James's fist wrapped around the necklace on his neck where his engagement ring was. Lily and him were going to get married. Despite the potential war, they were so happy.

James knew inside his heart that all of them were inside.

"I rounded the perimeter and no sign of guards" Remus whispered getting James out of his thoughts.

James looked at his friend. Pale, skinny, with bags under his eyes. Beard growing. Dirty with ripped clothes. James was the same. They barely had a roof these days.

James had depended on magic and money his whole life. Now, he had none. They didn't know if their powers were dormat or gone.

Now, they were hiding behind some bushes. It had been months of inspecting this wall and a way inside. James was sure they were all inside.

"Good" James whispered back "Then I'll get closer"

Remus touched his arm "They are probably waiting for you inside. It is too dangerous"

"Moony" James said and Remus flinched. They hadn't used the nicknames in a while "If I have the possibility, I need to see what's inside. They might be in there... They are in there"

Remus looked down. James knew his friend had lost hope. That he believed they were all dead. He had heard Remus crying at night. He was weaker and weaker each full moon. Remus just wanted revenge.

But James had hope. He knew his friends were tougher than that. And Lily... He couldn't think about the idea of losing her.

"Just keep an eye, watch my back and be careful" James instructed. He gave a Remus a walkie talkie. They had to learn to use many muggle things lately "Let me know if you see anything"

Remus didn't look convinced. But he nodded.

"But what are you going to do?" Remus asked "We can't cross the dome"

"I'm just taking a peek inside" James said "Just a peek"

"Okay" Remus nodded again "Be careful"

James kissed his friend's forehead. He walked slowly and carefully towards the wall. He had to hide from the light.

"Just a quick peek, James" Remus's voice sounded from the walkie talkie, making James jump "I'm really scared. It is weird there are no guards"

James grabbed the walkie talkie and talked through it "Don't worry, Remus. I'll be quick"

"I don't want to lose you too"

It broke James's heart how scared and sad Remus sounded. But they had to keep fighting, yeah?

"Someone has to keep preparing the delicious soup you all like, yeah?"

The soup that everyone hated at the layer because James was terrible at preparing things the muggle way.

Remus chuckled "I think we'll all survive without it"

James grinned in the dark. He pocketed the walkie talkie and glanced at the wall in front of him, finding a way to climb.

"Just a peek" he told himself.

****

Lily felt like a rebel as she approached the wall. No guards around. This was too easy.

Lily didn't know what she wanted precisely. She was scared of getting closer to the border. But also thrilled. Curious. So curious.

Maybe she could take a peek out. What would she think she would find? A savage? Plenty of savages ready to kill her?

A sane person wouldn't be doing this after going through everything she had went through. But Lily was so curious to think straight.

When she reached the wall, Lily took a glance around in case some guard was strolling by. She didn't see none. So she decided to climb.

What the hell was she doing?

Lily's heart was beating really really fast. And she didn't know if she was more scared or more excited. This was so confusing.

***

The wall was too high for James's liking. He was struggling to climb and the moving lights didn't let him advance. If he was spotted, he was dead.

Then something weird happened. His engagement ring glowed and floated. It had been enchanted to do so when Lily was around. A silly romantic thing that had popped into James's brain. He had been in love. He was in love still.

"Lily"

James couldn't believe it was still working, nothing magical worked outside the dome. Maybe it was the fact that he was near. So near.

That meant that she was on the other side. That gave James motivation to climb.

***

Lily's legs and arms were shaking, this thing was too high. Of course, otherwise savages could easily climb inside. It was for protection.

Now Lily was doing the dumbest thing someone could do. But something inside of her was telling her she should keep going.

Something was calling her from the other side.

***

James's necklace was crazy. It felt like some sort of magnet was attracting it from the other side. The pull was too strong.

James groaned.

"James, what's going on?" Remus said through the walkie talkie "I see some sort of light"

James was too busy to answer. His hands were barely holding him. He was meters up. So that was why he couldn't stop it when the chain broke and the necklace flew away.

"NO!"

James didn't care if the barrier would fry his hand, he reached for the necklace.

***

The alarm sounded as something crossed the barrier. Lily reached for it. Because something inside her told her to.

But as her hand touched the strange thing, she also felt something warm...

A hand. A warm hand.

The second she touched it, Lily felt electricity running through her veins.

She screamed and lost balance.

***

James hit the ground with a loud groan. Though he couldn't hear anything through the loud alarms.

His mind was running wild with speculations of what he had touched. It was a hand. A soft warm hand that gave him a thrilling electricity.

Then he fell.

And fuck it. James was sure that hand had grabbed his necklace. Whoever was had it.

"Fuck! Fuuuck!!"

Who was that? A death eater? Then why did the necklace flew away? Could it be? Could it be Lily?

Someone touched his shoulder, making him jump. Remus was screaming.

"WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, JAMES!!"

The alarm system was too loud.

"THE GUARDS WIL BE HERE ANY MINUTE!"

"I NEED TO GO BACK, REMUS! MY NECKLACE!!"

"WHAT?"

"MY NECKLACE WITH THE RING! I CAN'T LOSE IT. I CAN'T!!"

It was the promise he had made of always loving Lily Evans. It was the proof they had been in love and so so happy.

There was the sound of hippogriffs approaching. Guards rode them.

"WE NEED TO GO NOW!!"

Remus said as he was trying to drag James. But James was strong and he wanted to cross that bloody wall.

"SHE'S INSIDE, MOONY!! LILY IS INSIDE AND ALIVE!

The necklace would not have done that if it was otherwise.

"WE NEED TO GO! LET'S GO INSIDE!"

"THEY ARE GOING TO KILL US!" Remus was desperate and furious.

James blinked.

"WHO'S GONNA RESCUE HER IF WE GET KILLED!"

Maybe Remus didn't believe him. Maybe he thought James was nuts. But he knew what he saw. Or what he felt more like.

The guards were so so close that James could hear their voices.

"OVER HERE!! THE BARRIER BROKE AROUND HERE!"

Wasn't that voice familiar?

Remus cupped his face.

"JAMES, LISTEN TO ME!! WE NEED TO GO NOW!"

"MY RING, MOONY. THE RING" James suddenly realized he had tears on his eyes.

"WE'LL GET IT BACK, WE'LL GET THEM BACK! I PROMISE" Remus was crying as well. What a mess!

James had to be the strong one. He was their leader. The leader of the resistance.

So he snapped out of it in time to run inside the forest before the guards arrived.

They ran they ran they ran. James could hear the loud alarm, distant screams and the sound of spells. Dark spells probably.

And he ran. He ran. He ran.

***

Lily stayed on the floor for a while. She was dizzy from the loud sound of the alarm. It was over now but it was still ringing her ears. What the hell had just happened?

There was something on her hand, she realized. She was squeezing it between her palm. What was it?

Lily struggled to sit down. And inspected the strange artefact. It was a necklace with a beautiful ring hanging from it. It was glowing.

Lily had the strange sensation she had seen it before.

Whose hand did she touch? Was them the owner of this ring? What if it was a savage?

Lily didn't know that savages could own such beautiful things. She had been told they were practically wild creatures. No heart. No soul. Too corrupted by the lack of magic.

This looked like an engagement ring. Did savages get married as well? Or maybe this was stolen from one of her own.

Lily had no clue. All she knew was that she felt connected to it somehow. That this was a mystery she needed to solve.

"Lily, are you okay?"

Lily hid the forbidden item immediately. The person that had found her was no other than the Headmistress. Bellatrix Black.

She was too young to be a Headmistress. Maybe in her late twenties. But she had been an inspiration for all.

The Blacks had been good fonders of the damaged after the war. They fonded the school supplies and all.

Sirius and Regulus Black, Lily's personal friends, had lost their parents as well at hands of savages. Bella was kind to help her cousins.

"Goodness me" Bellatrix sighed as she helped Lily to her feet "What are you doing here? We are in an emergency, Lily. Savages were spotted near the barrier. It is too dangerous"

"Oh!" Lily tried to act innocent, necklace behind her back "I didn't know that... I was just having a stroll because I couldn't sleep. Then I heard the alarms"

Bellatrix looked at her.

"Why were you on the floor?"

"I tripped!" Lily lied "I got scared when the loud sound began"

"Sorry about that" Bellatrix pursed her lips "The alarm is to warn the guards, not to bother you. It is not meant to be heard inside the castle"

"Oh yeah yeah, that's okay" Lily cleared her throat "Guards should do their work, to protect us..." she swallowed "I hope they catch the savages... I'm scared"

Lily wished she was making a good performance.

"Don't worry, Lily" Bellatrix smiled "I'm sure those savages will get caught" then she placed a hand on her shoulder, guiding her "Why don't we go inside? It is safer in there. Just in case"

Lily squeezed the necklace between her fist.

"Sure"

God, what was wrong with her?

[captain-stretch-nuts]

"The Big Bang," a jayvik fanfiction

Contains: a lot of words. I haven't counted them. Jayce Talis, Viktor Machine Herald, Everyone who ever was

TW: doomed/saved/cursed/blessed metaphysical incorporeal mlm/yaoi (sort of. This is ace friendly.)

Read slowly. Enjoy the music. I think it pairs well with the imagery.

The men put their heads together. Now they can achieve anything.

They had done so, many times before.

Many times before.

What's so different about now? What had changed? Was it always changing like this?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jayce rubs his eyes. Whatever's shining so brightly makes it hurt to open them fully. Viktor, on the other hand, is used to moving from darkness to light. The men, having put their heads together, gather their bearings.

"Here," mutters Viktor to himself, throwing his voice; it chirps and warbles into infinity. "There is no before. Or after... I think. And yet - " he halts.

"There is!" blares Jayce, louder than he intended to. His exclamation twists the ether; the reverberations ripple through the still pool of all creation. A great flame, a new way through the fog, casts a dancing shadow in the mists of Life and Death.

Thence on, the two men put their heads together and decided to whisper. Their very words crinkled and materialized worlds around them, like a gasp in a cold winter's morning; wispy, and for only a moment, completely still. But of course nothing stays still for long. Now that they're here, whatever they cast their eyes upon begins to transform. Growing. Changing. Dying. Evolving.

"I'm trying to hold my breath," strains Jayce. There is a grim comedy in watching him do so, as even his idea of stillness disturbs the mists around him.

This gives Viktor an idea. He was always the more practical of the two. Or perhaps, he had paid more attention to Heimerdinger's long-winded yet calm ramblings that he would often grace his loved ones with, being the ancient creature that he was. The tinge of sadness and joy, saccharine and tragic that he felt upon thinking of the Professor brought a kind smile to his face.

"You are trying too hard - as usual, Man of Progress." The thoughts intrude upon the comparative stillness and depth of Jayce's mind, eagerly resonating with the words of the one he has always had in every place and time.

"I, uh," he imagines a chuckle. "I guess that works." The mists withdraw from around them at once. Like bubbles in a rising loaf of sourdough, the worlds within the mist had spread out evenly away and apart, not touching each other, and consequently were in much less danger for the time being. "Whoa...! Let's put you all up on the high shelf for a second."

The gentleness of Jayce is suddenly astounding to Viktor. It's as though he had seen it for the first time, through the eyes of a child just born.

Whatever the cost of their actions, the two must draw breath. They will have need of it to create, as they set out to do in times of past and future.

They both nod, understanding their limits in this place. The men rest in their knowledge that whatever happens next, they will do what they have always done.

OK y'all. That's all I got for now. I can continue this if people like it lol

[soratsuart]

Okay, so yesterday I ended up not talking about the KH x TDP AU (I should really look for a name for it) but I'm doing it now. This will be more of an analysis of my thought process for doing it as well as what interests me of each character and universe but it might still be interesting!

Beware for long analysis of both Kairi and Leola's roles under cut, though.

Starting with the Kingdom Hearts part and Kairi's role. I don't really remember why exactly I chose her as a main character of sorts here??? I think it all came down to practicality and personal interest, really. Objectively I could have placed the KH timeline at any point of the story and have Sora or Riku or anyone else be the main character, but I think the main factors that contributed to choosing Kairi was the inclusion of the Final World as a means of meeting Leola, which isn't really introduced to us until KH3 and not many characters have visited. And like, yeah, I could just throw canon down the window and use it anyway at an early point of the KH timeline, but here is where the personal interest part of the process enters.

I guess I've just been thinking a lot about Kairi lately??? Which is a bit weird considering I haven't really thought about her in years, honestly. The fandom has always complained for the way the narrative keeps pushing her away of having much plot relevancy outside numbered titles and even then she doesn't get much screen time (my biggest admiration to Kairi fans for dealing with this all the time honestly) and added to that there were just other characters I was more invested in. Lately, though, I guess I've been thinking a lot about the potential in her and the traits she has. I can relate hard to her attachment to the past and her wish for things to remain unchanged only to be forced to experience change and grow up anyway. To the way she clinges to her best friends but can't help seeing them drift apart and feeling like she's being left behind (her dejectedly acknowledge that she isn't ready to go to Quadratum even though she wants to save Sora breaks me).

Like many others I think the way things were set up after Melody of Memory open a chance for Kairi to do some growing without Sora and Riku in the picture and figure her path, and though I'm skeptical that we will actually get a game where she gets enough spot light to develop her character that much that just means I get free reign to do it myself so er, here we are!

I really like the idea of immediately throwing Kairi into an adventure of her own. Up until now, despite the way she keeps claiming she wants to protect her friends, it always ends up with her needing the most protecting and saving a lot of the time (I'm not saying she's useless or unable to do anything, but literally every other character are experimented warriors vs her receiving a few months of training before being thrown into a war without any previous real experience, she did GREAT all things considered). I think it'd be interesting to give her a role where she's forced to be the protective role and not the protected. Leola is just a little kid and she's going to cling hard to the one person she feels a strong connection to (there is a reason behind this connection btw) and that helped her low-key revive. She's going to have to act as a guide for her and deal with all the mess that is Act 2 of TDP while being lost herself a lot of the time and without Sora and Riku there to act as support (and again, yes, there are other characters there to support her, she's not completely alone, but I think it's normal to assume that she's used to rely on the people she's closest to and that this is a chance for her to develop more her other friendships and create new bonds so there's that).

In summary, I just think for Kairi it'd be fun to explore her adapting out of her comfort zone dealing with a crazy adventure of her own.

Now, for TDP! I think I speak for everyone when I say I don't think what happened to Leola is fair. At all. And that's kind of the point, isn't it? Leola's death is what triggers all the events of the show. It's what leads Aaravos to a path of hatred and revenge that has dominoed into the current conflict. For us, Leola is less a character and more a narrative tool to explain the motivations of our villain, and we don't even know much of her personality other than Aaravos' descriptions of her and the brief flashback.

So what happens when we turn Leola into an actual character? What happens when we bring her back into the picture as a whole person??? Mind you, this is not a "what if Leola didn't die" kind of AU. Leola did die. But now she's back. And she's just a little girl who just wants to go back home and see her father after centuries of waiting and waiting in the afterlife.

I think that is what makes her a very interesting character to focus on for the TDP part of the crossover. On the one hand, what does her return mean for the story?? She's back, but her father is still a villain who's done horrible things and will continue to do so at least as long as he's unaware that she's back. How does learning she's back affect Aaravos? How does that reaction affect every other character??? How does the Star Council react??? They killed her for the crime of giving magic to humans because she "broke the cosmic order", and now she's alive again even though she shouldn't be. Does that also break the cosmic order? Will there be consequences???

But also, what about Leola herself? She comes back after being dead for centuries for something she did out of compassion and love. She comes back to a whole different world with different rules and different people, and this description is applicable to both the KH worlds AND her own world. Humans and magical people have been segregated for centuries after her death and only recently started mixing again. Dark magic is now a thing. There is a war happening and her dad is at the center of it all. How does a child deal with all of that??? Leola's story is one of dealing with lots of hardships and trauma that she will need to address. Of learning that the people you love the lost can hurt others so much. Of learning about forgiving and the rights of others not to forgive. Of the cycle of violence and that not everything is light, but not everything is darkness either.

Of course, it's not like she will be dealing with all of this alone tho. She's still just a little girl, like I've repeated many times. And she's got the KH characters around to help too. But I can hardly see that her return wouldn't kickstart a lot of subplots with more psychological and philosophical heavy themes. And also I just like exploring these themes.

I admit there isn't much else I can say on character analysis for her, given that as I said at the beginning of her part, in canon she's less a character and more a tool, but like with Kairi that just means I get free reign here to do whatever I want, so I appreciate the freedom.

TL;DR: I put Kairi and Leola in a situation together and I spin them like a microwave.

[rainbluealoekitten]

Helloooo my new mutual! I really like your blogs and we have very similar taste. Would you like to tell me about your ocs? (The arthur and angus guys)

HELLO!!!!! well well well, this looks like a time of major celebration >:) i also love your blog a lot and firstly was very excited to become your mutual, but you also ask about my ocs??? this is incredible news

OKAY SO.

still heavily figuring out the plot/conflict/so on even though i have started writing. but, for context, it's heavily based on traditional witchcraft and faery lore, with elements of high fantasy, exceeeeepttt.... it's some random ass uni kids.

well. not *so* random. arthur and angus and both devotees and servants of the king and queen of faery (the latter really being representations of gods much older and wayyy beyond our comprehension).

arthur is very special (to me?). he's got a heart very full of love, and a secret giddy/childish, but the narrative oh so hates him. he's also just very weird while also being your typical depressed and chronically ill guy, with some tragic backstory i haven't fully fledged out yet. (he dreams about dying every single night 😔 ) it's okay though! he's got his very best friend in the world to help him! right! right?? right....

his best friend is this (incredible, talented, intelligent, show-stopping) girl called gloria/george except that while arthur is fully entangled in otherworldly politics and spends his nights talking to ghosts, she is a complete stranger to that realm. basically he can't talk to her and this creates many many conflicts.... (laughs evilly) will their love be able to save them? will their love kill them? that is yet to be seen!

one guy who IS unkillable (pause. i just had the horrible idea of killing him off in the most tragic way possible but he's the 2nd main character so like. maybe not.) is ANGUS!!!!! :D (cheers and applause from the crowd). arthur and angus are your typical moon x sunshine pairing ngl, though i don't like to reduce anything about my story to simple tropes. i'm a big fan of complex things. still, this doesn't change the fact that angus complements arthur perfectly. it's also a case of "one fell first, the other fell harder," as angus also dreams of arthur every single night, and this started years before they had even met each other. angus is very cheery and instead of swearing, he says things like "biscuits." he reminds arthur to smile :)

he's also got a cool kick-ass witchy mother who is ???? my idol??? i love her so much

.....alright this is an extremely short version of all the things i really COULD say about them but i hope you enjoyed this :) ty again for asking

[averytiredfanfictionwriter]

Where have I been?

Not entirely sure who'll care what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyways just like with the Skydoesminecraft situation. I will not be writing for Minecraft youtubers anymore, save for the Hermitcraft community. They seem to be the only ones that I watch that are consistently good creators. Unfortunately, I will not be writing for anything dsmp related, even though I'd stopped a while ago. Trying to write any of the remaining ideas I had concerning Techno is just too painful still, and I don't know if it'll ever stop being painful. And with the allegations that came out against Wilbur and most recently George, I don't feel comfortable engaging with their content/the streamers who are still friends with them. This extends to all of the "dream team" and the band Lovejoy, seeing as they have yet to make a public statement, at least that I'd seen.

All that said, what will my content look like seeing as I haven't posted in at least a year? Well, there's going to be some changes. I've grown out of fandoms, and into new ones in the last year. I got really into the Modern Warfare series and Call of Duty: Ghosts throughout last year, so some of those guys and girls might make an appearance on my page occasionally. Hermitcraft might also make an appearance, with the fics being in the same style as the other hermit fic I'd posted. Outside of that, I can't give an exact list anymore because I haven't felt truly interested in anything. I'd lost the ability to enjoy all the things I used to enjoy as I got further into my depression, and it all culminated in my making a few drastic changes in May of last year. I left my job and got a better paying one working overnights because I would cry going home at just how awful my days were and how poorly treated I'd been for the 4 years I worked there. I made a bunch of new friends online and got into some niche internet drama outside of Tumblr that I might share my side of in the next few months- not to drag up old fights, but to warn people who might be thinking of or currently watch a certain TikTok creator. I'm about to DM my first D&D campaign with some of my new friends and I'm very excited about it because I've spent more than 7 months planning and creating it.

But most importantly, in my time away I realized a lot. I've been dealing with major writers block for more than a year because every time I tried to write I compared myself to the other writers I follow on here. Specifically in the modern warfare community. I had so many ideas for fics, but every time I sat down to write them they wouldn't come out as good as I wanted them, or it wasn't up to the standard that I was trying to meet because I thought that no one would read it if I didn't meet that. Even now, just venting, I'm worried about how many likes and how much engagement this post will get and that's such an awful mentality to have. I used to love writing, and I still do. But I've learned to accept that it's okay to be at a different level of writing than the others on here, and that I shouldn't stop just because my characterization sucks or sometimes the plot is a little rocky. I shouldn't be worried about all of that, because writing fanfiction started as me writing for myself. It all started, way back when I was a young teenager, making a Wattpad account and writing my first fic, which I believe was a purge fanfiction with Skydoesminecraft and the rest of Sky Media. I'm 21 now, and I can definitely say I've improved, but I'm tired of trying to base my improvement on how good everyone else is. I'm tired of being depressed about how other writers make it look so easy to just have these great, cinematic moments in their fics with wonderful lines that stick with you after you finish reading them.

So, back to the question. What will my content look like? It'll look like whatever I want it to look like. I'm going to write for who I want, when I want. If that means posting 20 batman fanfics in a row, and then making a complete 180 to Hermitcraft or Criminal Minds or even House, then so be it. But I'm going to be doing it for me, and not for how many likes and followers a particular character or fandom will get me.

If you read all this, thank you. I really do appreciate everyone who's ever engaged with my stuff on this site, it truly does mean the world to me.

(Also, quick aside. If you're from the HermitCraft fandom and you write weird nsfw with them, for the love of god block me now. I saw a fic where Grian rapes Docm, and I'm never going to be able to unsee it thanks to it not being tagged right. They are all real, grown people with families. What the fuck.)

[moveslikeanape]

ohh, that's too bad about your computer not being able to play dreamlight valley! i have heard that the game is supposed to have a mobile version, but i'm not sure if it's been released yet or not, so that could be something to look into. also, i can totally see that about tarzan wanting to dive right in and learn about everything around him. i'm sure that if jane were there with him she'd also be really excited to show him new things and help him with anything he didn't understand. oof, yeah, i didn't wanna be too harsh about wish in case you were still really looking forward to the movie, but i admit that my mixed feelings about it are more on the negative side. i like a couple of the songs, but they're riddled with strange and poorly written lyrics (for example, "i'm a star, watch out world here i are" or "i let you live here for free and i don't even charge rent") and some of them sound so generic that i just feel like i've already heard them before. after seeing the concept art and hearing about some of the ideas that didn't make it in, i ended up feeling like the movie had a lot of missed potential. it's a shame, especially since this was disney's 100th anniversary film. there is one other tarzan reference besides the shoutout in the credits, though, so definitely look out for that when you watch it! that's true about mark mancina, i see a lot of praise for tarzan's soundtrack that's specifically about phil collins, but mark created such a good score to go with his work. i'm really glad he got to work on moana as well. ooh i see, that does all sound pretty interesting! i love to read as well and pretty much always have a long list of things i'd like to read, and never enough time for all of them LOL. but i'll definitely have to add the tarzan novels to that list and try to check them out someday. are there any other tarzan movies you enjoy besides disney's version? -🌟

I looked, and is is available through Apple Arcade… but same problem, don't have a compatible device, lol. Not into computers/phones/etc enough to try and keep up with the latest. Would rather stretch my devices as long as I can and save the money for my collection. Oh well, maybe someday I'll play it. Would be so awesome to see more of Jane helping Tarzan learn new things though!

I agree with you on the lyrics, some of them are so bad!! I remember hearing those lines for the first time and feeling embarrassed for them. They sound like they're from a cheap bootleg ripoff, not from the most prestigious animation company in the world. They should be ashamed of themselves, they used to have incredible song lyrics.

That's awesome there's one other Tarzan reference though!! A very good reason to give it a watch!

Mark's score for Tarzan and Brother Bear are so beautiful. As soon as I saw he was doing Moana I knew I was going to love it!

Ah, the pain of never having enough time to read… and it always seems that when you do, you can't find anything to read! I'm currently halfway through the Asian Saga by James Clavell. I've read those books so many times I've lost count. I was about a third of the way through Shogun when I found out that there's a new FX series based on the book that's going to be on Disney+ at the end of February! Although I've finished reading Shogun since, I'm trying to finish reading the other 5 books before the series starts… I don't think I'm going to make it, lol.

I hope you enjoy the Tarzan novels if you get to read them!!

I haven't seen many other Tarzan movies, but I did really enjoy Greystoke with Christopher Lambert and Andie MacDowell. Of the ones I've seen it feels the closet to the books. And it has an unexpected connection to the Disney version… Andie MacDowell's voice was dubbed by Glenn Close, so it's like seeing Jane and hearing Kala!

Growing up I watched the Tarzan tv series starring Wolf Larson and Lydie Denier, which was my first introduction to Tarzan. It takes place in more modern times, and Jane was French in it. I watched it again a few years ago, and it was definitely not as good as I remember it being. But as a kid I found it thrilling, used to stay up until 3 am every Saturday to watch it!

[pedropascalunofficial]

Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

[butt-watch]

Deltarune Chapter 2 Theory

DELTARUNE SPOILERS AHEAD

I'll put under a read more, but just in case it doesn't work. Here's your warning to block "#delatrune spoilers" or scroll really fast.

Spoilers for end game and bonus boss, and a long ass dump of all the ideas I have in my head before I forget them. So, sorry if I got anything wrong or it's a mess.

I've seen a lot of theories flying around, but haven't seen this one yet. (Sorry if it is already out there and I just haven't seen it, I'm sure somebody will already have put it together better than me.) This is just some funky ideas I've been throwing around, because I'll be honest here, I love the main 3 so much, and would be sad to see any of them turn out to be evil like so many theories are suggesting.

Maybe I'm just trying to be optimistic, maybe it's the weird nb kid deep inside me latching onto a kindred spirit, maybe I'm on to something.

So here's the thing. I don't believe Kris is the knight.

I know, I know, but stay with me here.

There's no denying that at the end of the chapter, Kris created a new fountain, and with it, likely a new dark world. But I'd like to argue, this is the first one they've created. My evidence is shaky, but I think there's something there that could blossom.

I'll start off with the simple fact that multiple characters who have met the knight, Spades King especially, didn't recognise Kris at all, and you would have thought they'd recognise the person who's been feeding them so much information. You do also have a couple of dialogue options with the king this time, and definitely with the Queen, so it seems strange that neither of them recognise the voice of their Knight in shining armour.

This is where stuff starts to get a bit flaky, but also, a lot more intriguing.

At the end of the chapter Kris opened a fountain, and the night before, we saw Kris remove the soul inside them and brandish their knife. Assuming that Kris spent that time without the soul creating a fountain is a fair assumption to make, and I think it's possible that was Kris's intention, perhaps they have some connection to the knight, and knew how the fountains could be opened. But, they were missing one important ingredient.

In Chapter 2 we get an explanation from the Queen about how dark fountains are created, and with it a word that has largely been missing from Deltarune.

That's right, good old Determination.

Fountains are created when a determined Lightner plunges a sharp object into the ground. And here's where the theory comes in. I believe prior to the end of chapter 2, Kris didn't have Determination. Throughout the game, they've been filled with various sources of power, from Fluffy Boys and Mean Girls, to Cat signs. But at every save point we've been missing the signature Determination.

The closest we get is at the end of Chapter 2, just before the fight against the queen, when "a certain power" is alluded to.

And that lack of Determination, would have made opening the fountain impossible for them, after all, Queen spent the whole game building Noelle's determination high enough to open a new fountain. A smidge of determination doesn't seem to cut it.

So how did Kris get the determination?

Through the good old power of Friendship. Through the trials with their new friends, Kris has gained determination, even without the soul inhabiting them. And even though that started as half a joke (only half), whilst writing this post and trying to find screencaps, for the next section, I realised it's actually more likely than I suspected.

And that brings me to everyone's new favourite:

Spamton. During his dialogue and initial boss fight he offers a deal, rewarding Kris with [[Hyperlink Blocked]] if they accept. As far as I'm aware you're forced to accept the deal. (If anyone else tolerated more than a few minutes of smashing no deal like I did and managed to get a different outcome, kudos to your perseverance.)

What is [[Hyperlink Blocked]]? Well I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this. I believe it may well be Determination or something similar.

During the initial confrontation, Spamton refers to the players Soul as [[HeartShapedObject]].

But prior to the boss fight against Spamton NEO, he has no qualms about saying SOUL.

I've seen a lot of people theorising Spamton is being censored, and I agree that definitely seems to be the case. From a meta standpoint though I think it's interesting that the [[Hyperlink Blocked]] he mentioned so much in his first encounter doesn't seem to be mentioned at all, now the he has slightly more freedom of speech. I personally believe it's because revealing whatever Spamton was offering would have given too much away.

So how does this come back to the power of friendship? Well, upon defeating Spamton, whether through ACTing or beating the crap out of him, he realises the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.

He suggests that together, the three of them could "break their own strings"

Following the fight, there's a moment, where Susie notices that Kris is acting out of sorts. Whichever option you choose, it's obvious that Kris is shaken by the event, even going as far as to yell the answer if you let them admit how they're feeling.

The similarity to Kris's own situation, being puppeted by the player is a valid reason for the response. Whatever shook them did so with enough effect that the fear showed despite the players control. Either that, or Kris has something they didn't have, more control. More... Determination to overcome the soul.

That last part is reaching a little, which is saying something, given the amount of shaky evidence presented in this post, so I want to wrap this up mostly with something slightly unrelated, but still a Kris theory.

Why do they open the fountain?

There are a lot of theories, about being a pawn for Gaster, being an asshole, etc.

I'd like to think Kris is just a weird kid who's gotten caught up in a mess they don't really understand. They created a scenario where Susie would be forced to stay the night, and opened up a new dark world, that Susie, their friend, expressed a want for before they left the dark world.

A place where they could get away from their lives for a little while and have more adventures together. And I can understand the reasoning, opening a new fountain isn't bad, I mean, as long as they close it at the end, nobody gets hurt and they have more memories. Where's the harm in that? Right?

As much as Kris obviously wishes to be free of the soul's control, that very soul has helped them make real friends. It's taken them on adventures and well.

Somebody had to let it out before the morning.

So to summarise, the strongest power known to man is a group of lonely teenagers, if you run through a peaceful game murdering everything and then blame a video game character for the decision you made, I'll kick your ass, and I guess I'm a Kris stan now, oh god.

[etheriadearie]

Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra

::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…

Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.

The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.

I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!

Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.

So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….

Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).

----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----

To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.

>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?

Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.

We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."

Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.

So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...

Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.

>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.

>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...

She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?

SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.

She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.

>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.

>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.

As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".

I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.

This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.

I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.

Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.

>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.

Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...

Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.

This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.

So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.

It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...

Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.

But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.

Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.

Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.

To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.

Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.

Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...

----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----

Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...

Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.

How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...

So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.

Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:

The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.

I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.

Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.

So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.

What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.

Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.

>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.

>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.

Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.

>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.

>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.

>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.

I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.

Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.

>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.

> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.

>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.

>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.

Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.

Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.

>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.

One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.

SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.

Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.

And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.

Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.

Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.

As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"

But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.

But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.

Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.

Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..

Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.

As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.

Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.

Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.

>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...

>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.

Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.

It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.

>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.

Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.

EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.

Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.

>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.

>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.

Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.

>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...

>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.

>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.

>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”

In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.

>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.

>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.

>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.

Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.

----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----

>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.

>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...

>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.

As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.

This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.

>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<

Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.

Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.

Promise.

Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.

A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...

And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...

>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...

Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.

Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.

Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.

She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.

"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…

As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...

… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...

Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.

She has given Adora to her.

All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...

Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."

Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...

Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…

“You're welcome…”

As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...

Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...

~

All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…

Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.

My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.

All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Thinking About How This Wasn't Actually a Denial

But was it self preservation?

The year was 2013 and rather than a denial, Jensen said "Don't ruin it for everybody now."

What was the fan 'ruining' for everybody? The Con? or something else? So if I was a tinhatter - and sometimes I am - I might think about other tv shows from the past that were covertly queer and how they handled the question, were TV shows 'out'?

Mainstream shows like Bewitched, you know, shows that are so clearly straight, you can tell because... well. ... they never technically used the word 'gay'. ... witches honor

SPN Film Studies is Back in Session! Join Under the Cut for more on supernatural & the story about how Bewitched! came out of the Broom Closet

Bewitched aired from 1964-72, it's so old the first season was in B&W. The show starred Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha, the strange housewife with a stranger secret. Her husband, Darrin, unwittingly married into the whole witchy family, from the now drag icon Agnes Moorehead's Endora with her open marriage, to the unmarried and batty Aunt Clara (Marion Lorne who played the mother in Hitchcock's heavily gay coded 'Strangers on a Train'), to the extremely coded Uncle Arthur (gay actor Paul Lynde). (We can't know for sure, but it seems at least 4 members of the cast were gay themselves.) The core premise of the show involves Samantha balancing who she really is with repressing that self for the safety and comfort of her family.

Samantha and her husband keep her [ahem] 'queer' nature a secret which gets harder on Samantha when she has to tell her daughter to live the same way, “I know what fun it is to be a part of the magical life ... to have so much at your fingertips. But we’re living in a world that’s just not ready for people like us, and I’m afraid they may never be. So you’re going to have to learn when you can use your witchcraft and when you can’t.”

There are plenty of generic 60s wacky hijinks but there are also whole episodes metaphorically about repression being harmful, episodes where characters asked if another was a 'thespian', episodes where Darrin was queercoded while under a spell, episodes about representation & bad stereotyping in media, and even two episodes where witches discussed whether it was time for witches to come out to the mortals, (whether mortals could accept that they were just nice normal people trying to live their lives like everybody else - or not - and would just freak out and kill them again).

When it came time to recast Dick York's Darrin with a new 2nd lead, Elizabeth and her husband, William Asher, knowingly cast the gay Dick Sergeant. (Although he wasn't out publicly at the time.) Then, when Sergeant came out in '91, Montgomery supported him and the two served together as the grand marshals of the Hollywood pride parade.

Dick Sargent expressed in the 90s what he would want in a Bewitched reunion episode: for Darrin to meet another like couple, a witch and a mortal who are married, and another, and another, and end up forming a whole community and support group, finding out that it was never so uncommon after all, that it was actually "about 10% of the population." The two would march in the first mortals and witches pride parade, saying they should have come out years ago.

In '94, Montgomery had this to say about the queer themes of the show, “Don't think that didn't enter our minds at the time. We talked about it on the set, that this was about people not being allowed to be what they really are. If you think about it, Bewitched is about repression in general and all the frustration and trouble it can cause. It was a neat message to get across to people at that time in a subtle way.” (x)

Interviewer: Are you concerned that your involvement in the gay-pride parade will lead people to believe you're a lesbian?

"[Laughing] I'm really not worried about that. There are bigger things to worry about. Like the presidential election and finding a cure for AIDS. I did the parade in support of Dick. I mean, in the end, didn't we all?" (x) (Montgomery was also one of the first celebrity allies to fight for LGBTQ rights and support HIV/AIDS-related fundraisers.)

So did they talk about it at the time? No. You can bet they didn't speak about it publicly. What would have happened if a fan, publicly, had asked Elizabeth, William, or Dick about the show's queer allegory content? This was a time when being gay was a literal felony. They would have had to have lied or risked losing the show, their careers, and possibly subjecting themselves to violence.

Now. back to Jensen and the Schrodinger's long con:

This was in 2013 - The same year that the Supreme Court of the United States struck down a federal ban on gay marriage. You certainly couldn't call homosexuality illegal in the US at that time. It's the same year that Dabb and Sgriccia spoke about the Aaron moment on the DVD and whether there's 'this potential for love in all places' for Dean. Of course Jensen said this about the very same scene: "But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or  or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

I'm reminded of 2012 when Ben Edlund stepped in about a Destiel question at comic con, pretending it was some freaky thing that fans had made up even though he'd already written and directed TMWWBK, which had already aired.

Jensen: “What’s Destiel?” Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

Or the next year for season 9 when Jensen said “I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand”  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” EVEN THOUGH- that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and Misha (or both of them?) was told to “play him like a jilted lover”

Or Jensen's knowing bromance smile in 2015

I think recent events (cough spn gate) have made clear that the network and many viewers were still uncomfortable with CAS being gay in 2020, deleting even familial mentions of Cas from the finale episodes once he was revealed to be not only gay but also in love with Dean. (x) (x) (x) Can you imagine then what Warner Brothers would have said to an acknowledge bisexual Dean Winchester in 2013? Granted, there was no Trump election, but legitimate, could that have been the end of the show? Or the Russian and Conservative US viewership? Is it possible that Jensen would have feared so?

Is it possible that Jensen had a more personal reason for a knee jerk defensive response?

So was Jensen covering in 2013? Well. This happened 5 years later in 2018:

That hostile "? No." came even though Misha confirmed that he and Jensen had discussed Destiel by that point. Granted, discussing Destiel as a concept and accepting Dean being inherently bisexual are two very different things - Cas is GN after all - still, less than encouraging.

I may never get over the jumps back and forth that Jensen did. At this point I think there's no denying that a lot of SPN's queer content was on purpose, even as writers and actors were telling fans and network execs otherwise. Yet when each person involved was brought in? that question haunts me at night. I have gone off before about the timeline in my pursuit of whether Jensen was Ben Hur'd (x) and, if so, for how long. I'm sure many in this fandom have so much to add.

In the meantime we'll just have to cherish this moment from 2019:

Interviewer: 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you’re most excited to tackle with your character this final season.’ Jensen: “Cas. Just like a full football form tackle.”

Bewitched references in SPN:

2.05 - Dean: Well, it looks like he can't work his mojo just by twitching his nose, he's gotta use verbal commands.

2.20 - Dean says Barbara Eden was hotter than Elizabeth Montgomery - sigh - Dean.

7.05 - Dean thinks a husband has no idea his wife is a witch, and refers to him as Darrin. Dean also indicates he likes the first Darrin better. - (I guess I can't make a comment about how much TV Dean watched as a kid if I get all of his references and also haven't saved the world.)

14.03 - Jules refers to the witch as 'Brunhilde' - this is a minor character in bewitched but more so from mythology and likely referred to the cartoon witch from WB cartoons - the stereotypical witch that faced bugs bunny with the green skin and straw hair.

let me know if you have any to add. Stay Witchy ✌

[danny-attic]

Family (TMVSTM)

Summary: Eric and Deborahbot 5000 feels like they didn't belong with the The Mitchells and run away to live their own lives

"Purple glasses woman, why did you saved me?"

"Oh come on, you boys are family now"

Family…?

It is such a complex word, too difficult to truly understand. For a robot create just to following orders, Eric did not understand it yet, though he did looked up the definition of it but despite that he plays along for the sake of his and his Pal Max brother

They're heading to the Silicon Valley, The night sky is filled with no stars but the green "fun pots" containing human to somewhere. It makes the sky lights up with green light. It is an unusual sight even for robots.

The Mitchells are really going to destroy Pal?.... If so, what will happen to the remaining robots? What if..they failed..?

The bot are lost in his memories and Net Work to find something he's looking for. It seems like he's in too deep in the system Until he feels someone shaking his shoulder part lighty

"Eric...Eric, are you there? Is your system too damaged?" A voice speaks in hushed tone

Eric turn his mechanical head to another Pal Max bot, Deborahbot 5000

His brother

"What wrong? you've been so still like you shut down. I'm…. worry"

Deborah grip Eric's shoulder part lighty. Robots isn't supposed to have feelings but they're the defective now anyway, so it's not surprising that he would express what he "feels"

The car stop at some abandoned gas station. Only Katie, Aaron and the loft of bread are sleeping in the car at the moment. Mother and The male Mitchells are inside the store for something. Eric finally answered and grip Deborah's hand back

"I'm okay, my system and outside damage is unchange at the moment. I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge your question earlier. Don't need to be worry"

"Okay… but tell me if anything is acting strange, will you? I don't want to lose you, brother...We're only defective robots here, if you're gone, what am I going to do?"

"I'll always have your back like you have mine, brother. We are going to survive, one way or another"

Eric tells what he thinks is logical to his robo brother. He let go of Deborah's hand and turned his head to Mother, who's making her way back to the car with her partner and tells her the safest route to Silicon Valley.

The car is running along the road at night. The robo brothers looking outside of the car, expanding their data about the human environment and hearing the conversation between Katie and Mother. They're talking about The male Mitchells, Rick of how he's just trying to make her happy.

Eric wants to feel this "happy" too and he wants Deborah to feel the same. Maybe it would feel really nice, like getting their system updated.

But how could they do that? They're about to went through most protected head quarter in the world right now and there's no guarantee that the plan would work but the show must go on

"Mom, what is that?"

"Oh my god!!"

The car suddenly stops, making their head jerks back, Eric and Deborah turn their heads to the front window. As the Mitchells get out of the car to stand in front of the giant building as tall as the sky.

"We're here...the Head Quarter" Eric said as he's getting out of the trunk

"Oh boy, I don't like this. Do you think we could get to the top without others noticing?" Deborah ask, stepping beside Eric in front of the car, behind the Mitchells

Slowly, Eric extends his hand to the side to his brother, knob and gears whirring while he processes his next word. Deborah immediately holds his hand and they're both looking up to the tower.

"No matter what happens, we're going to be alright"

__________________________________

The plan did not go well. The Mitchells got caught by a new robot, Pal invented. The sounds of the alarm is almost deafening, after the cable car has fell down and crashed. Deborah's vision is trying to adjust after he hits the ground. The first thing he see is the face of Pal Max bot with some face drawn on.

"Are you alright, brother?" Eric said as worrying as his robotic voice could spunds while kneeling next to him

Before he could answer, The black robot burst through and captured Mother and Rick. The Mitchells is being taken away and Deborah knows he need to help

Because they're his family now too

"Mitchells, we will help"

"Oh no no no, you won't. download new order"

Suddenly, like the virus creeping through their system. Making the robo brothers clutch their head like they're in pain, unable to take control of their body any longer.

New order appears : Capture the Mitchells

Deborah trying to break free one last time

No please I don't want to do this. Eric, Mother, Anyone…Can you hear me?..

"We're sorry, Mother"

Then, everything went blank

__________________________________

"Let's take a photo after we saved the world!" Linda said cheerily to Eric after handing or rather putting it in his hand

The battle is over the human won and the uprising is over. All of the Pal Max and the new robot has been shut down, Well almost every bot.

Eric and Deborahbot 5000 have broken through Pal's control and helped Rick Mitchells to put the video of the bread dog on, neutralizing the other robots. Now they're celebrating without them

They broke the code and helped this family save the world and now they can't even be in a photo? Eric thought but took the photo anyway. Maybe they're just too excited like humans always does.

The Mitchells tell the brothers, they can stay at home with them as a member of the family. The Mitchells welcome them, Linda teaches Deborah how to draw stuff like the Sun, the tree and other things. Rick shows them how to build a shelter from branches and leaves. Arron always talks to them about dinosaurs in his books and Katie sometimes asks them for ideas for her project. It was a good time.

Time passes and the robo brothers feels like they're more like a servant than a family. The Mitchells tells them to do things for them like chores, collecting the mails, mow the lawn and many things. Most of the time they haven't called them by their names or acknowledge them when they do something for the Mitchells. At first the brothers gladly do them, thinking it was a part of being a family but this time they had enough.

At night, when everyone is asleep. Eric and Deborah sit on a rooftop, looking into the sky. The moon is full today, shining bright along millions of sparkling stars. They come here every time they want to say something they went through each day, like updating each other. Today is different

"Today Rick called me Robot instead of my name again, I don't really think it's from force habits anymore" Deborah speaks in a quiet voice, mechanical head looks up to the shooting stars, then to his brother.

"But at least Mother let me help her cook dinner! It was really interesting, I learned how to peel a potato today, Look!"

He grabbed the potato peels besides him and held up to his brother. It's ragged, uneven and still has a big chunk of potato attached to it. Eric chuckles in a monotone like his robotic voice always does.

"That's great, Deborah. You know today Mother also let me do the laundry too! There was a lot of foam but I think I did well, Mother's face looks so surprised when I tell her I also put her bag in there too. She rushed past me so fast, I can't even see her"

"The purple bag? Oh yes, she loves that bag. Very thoughtful, Eric."

Then Deborah held out his hand, attempt to high-five Eric but they kept missing each other's hands, so they tapped their heads together gently. The glass tink softly as they did.

They looked up to the sky again, thinking about their lives with the Mitchells. Of how they've been treated lately, how they've been struggling to fit in the family and how they feel like they've been ignored.

Eric broke the silence between them and speaks in a quiet voice, hands gripping his knees tighter.

"Making our own order is great, we can do everything we want now"

Deborah nods " but why do I feel like we're doing The Mitchells order everyday"

"I understand if they haven't felt comfortable with us but they should have told us and we can be somewhere else. Not…. keeping us servants..like this.."

He looked back at Eric and asked in a hushed voice, if a robot can cry tears, his voice would be shaking like a human...but he's not human.

“I wonder if there’s any bots like us.. You know, the defectives. What are they up to? Where are they now? Do they stay with humans like us?”

“I don’t know, brother. I don’t know. I guess Pal wasn’t prepared for anything like this. She didn’t put any program for tracking other bots for us.”

“We should go find them. That way we can have our own robots family! We don’t have to listen to any humans anymore!

Deborah grab his brother shoulders part, turn his body to face him and said firmly

“You say it yourself, Eric. We take our own orders now. This is the time we can truly do that. Don’t you see? Other Mitchells except Mother didn’t treat us very well. They call us Robots rather than our names. They give orders. They got angry when we didn’t complete what they requested. They didn’t acknowledge us most of the time like we aren’t right there!”

His voice drop low and finally he hugs his brother, a gesture he saw human does to their family and the one they cared for

“We did everything together...but we’re just in the background every time..We aren’t supposed to feel emotions but I do...”

Slowly, Eric lifts his hand and hugs back tightly, mechanical gear and wires clicking as he thinks about his brother's words.

It’s true. They were in the background most of the time. They were more like a maid robot than a member of a family like the Mitchells said. Maybe his brother was right, this is not where they truly belong. They need to get away from humans. For good this time.

“You’re right. We should go”

Eric let go of his brother and stand up. Looking into the distant city, held out his hand for Deborah. They will make their own future with others, if there are any more of them left.

“Let’s go say our goodbye to the Mitchells. Though they may have treated us like this but they still help us from Pal.”

“Should we leave a letter or something?”

“If you want to, we can. Oh oh! We should put the glitter on!”

Together, they jump down from the rooftops and go inside the house. Writing a goodbye letter for the Mitchells, telling them they appreciated everything they did but they want to live their own lives somewhere else without anyone giving them orders

After sometime, they put the letter down at the dinner table with a flower Eric collected from the neighbor's house, The Poseys.

Now, the brothers stand in front of the house. Looking back one last time before leaving.

"Let's go, brother" Eric said.

_________________________________________

The sounds of the jet under their feet break the silence of the night. They jump and fly into the sky, green trails from the jet painting the night sky. They fly and fly further away from the house. Until the dawn came, they stopped at some abandoned cabin in the woods. It appears there's nobody living here for a long time.

"This place is in a good condition and I believe there's no human living here." Deborah said, feeling satisfied

"Yes, but we should look around just in case. Could you check around the cabin? I'll check inside." Eric asked while looking around and scanning the cabin with the camera on the top right of his head.

Deborah nods and goes out the door to check for anything or anyone. Leaving only Eric inside.

Eric wanders into the halls, scanning every room. The cabin is dusty and there were some traces of wild animals making a nest and shelter. Some kind of nuts and leaves were scattered all over the floor.Everything seems normal for an abandoned human cabin, until he spotted muddy footprints. It’s still wet, this only means one thing. There’s someone here.

The sound of a metal clanking from further down the cabin. It appears the sounds came from the kitchen. Eric changes one of his hand to the plasma beam shooter, being on guard and slowly walking to the origin of the sound.

[endlessdelirium]

Nothing to see here (or "We can't stop here. This is Bat Country!)

Hello from The Void! How did you get here? Well, I probably liked one of your posts, or I read something you posted that really resonated with me to the point that I broke my silence and actually responded (instead of just lurking like a creepy ghost). Or you're probably like a creepy ghost yourself and saw my username enough times or read one of my comments that made you wonder just who is this moron spouting off all this nonsense? Either way, you thought you'd check out my account and return the favor, or something, I really have no idea why you're here lol.

The thing is, I made this account years ago. I had a couple of irl friends who also had accounts, so I followed them plus a handful of other people from my interests back then. And it was great for awhile, until social media fatigue set in. This was nothing new. There'd be new social media sites that would be trendy for a time, and I'd be curious enough to try it for awhile, until I realize lol I'm not a very social person irl, why would I be better at it online? So I start losing interest until I eventually stop checking in. Even now, I am barely on any social media sites. I keep my Facebook account active because that's pretty much the only way people could get in touch with me if they don't have my number, and I'm on Reddit all the time but I barely post/comment there as well and just mostly lurk (like a creepy, creepy ghost wooohhh. Nah, but seriously, social anxiety is a real bitch!) Other than that, I practically have zero social media presence.

So I'm pretty much done with Tumblr... until Haikyuu dragged me back in. I can't really remember when I entered the fandom, I think I started watching sometime in late 2018 and I've been obsessing ever since. Reading the manga wasn't enough, I wanted more content. The Reddit sub was okay... for awhile. Eventually I wandered back into the wastelands of Twitter and Tumblr, all in my pursuit of extra Haikyuu juice. Yes, there's no point denying it, I'm pretty much an addict at this point. Stop judging me.

The thing is, I'm also incredibly lazy. I didn't see the point of creating new accounts when my old ones are still serviceable. For all intents and purposes, this account is pretty much dead. It's just, sometimes (okay, lots of times) I would scroll through Haikyuu tags and I would find something funny, insightful, pretty, interesting that I just have to like it (or is it hearting something? Sorry, I'm not really well versed in Tumblr lingo anymore) or leave a comment to show my appreciation. Which is all well and good, it's just lately a couple of people have been following my account, which isn't terrible per se, I just find it a bit weird since I haven't posted anything new in years. Really, the only thing I updated was my profile pic, since my account was supposed to be a personal one, and wasn't supposed to be dedicated to just a specific fandom so the pic I originally used was one of my irl head which is just... ick! I don't know what I was thinking. So I changed it because I didn't want to frighten anyone by manifesting my mug in their notifications, and really Hinata's head is infinitely better than my head so it can only be an improvement for my account.

Other than that, I pretty much left everything as is. I didn't have the heart to delete everything. In a way, it's kind of like a time capsule for me, still, I don't really recognize the me who made these posts anymore. I mean, I don't have amnesia or anything. I sorta remember them, but since they were made by a younger version of me, one with different interests and obsessions (I mean still share some of these things with this person, it's just a lot has changed as well, and I've since changed my opinion about some things) there's a sort of detachment as well. Which is why it feels like receiving a jolt of electricity everytime I get a new notification that someone has liked a picture or post. It's like "Huh?", I sort of remember the post, but also not really since it was litterally from years ago made by a younger and more naive me. "Okay, I guess?" is all I can say at the end.

So, what now? I still don't want delete my posts. Even though it kind of weirds me out now, I still like having it as a record. Like "Hey, this was ME! Wasn't I weird? I mean, I'm still weird, but in a slightly different way. Anyway, wasn't I a riot?" I also don't feel like making a new account. I still don't really consider myself active in these parts. I just like scrolling through my tags of interest (like a creepy stalker), liking awesome fan arts, and leaving a comment or two when I couldn't contain myself anymore and I just had to say something. I've also thought about re-blogging things sometimes, but I feel that would tip my account back into a semi-active state, and I don't feel like it just yet. Maybe in the future. For now I kinda like keeping my account as is, as a time capsule when I was still active here.

So, where does that leave you? I still don't really know why you're here, but you're welcome to have a look around. Just remember you're looking at an old account and it would help if you view it like a window to the past. I don't mind if you like anything, just know I only have vague memories of making any of those posts so I can't really discuss any of them now. If you're okay with all of that, then make yourself at home... or not, I'm not the boss of you lol.

Anyway, you're still here? And you read everything? Why? I mean, wow, what a trooper! I gotta reward you with something. You know what, here's a picture of Hinata. Did I draw it? Of course not, don't be silly! I like art, but unfortunately art doesn't like me so I can't draw to save my life. So this here's just regular manga panels of Hinata. But not just any Hinata, it's Third Year Hinata! Why? Why not? I see many itenerations of Hinata on Tumblr including Brazil Hinata, but for some reason I don't see Third Year Hinata get as much love on here. I don't really get it. He is so precious. So here he is!

Bonus: The Duality of Hinata

Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice day!

[fortunatelyhauntedblackcherry]

Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 15

Warning: cussing, some parts are kinda nsft? But no so much so, no probs I think. Slight mention of past trauma.

Ari and Rei was standing before Sofía's door, both kinda annoyed by their big sister's behaviour by now.

- Don't be ridiculous! It's been almost a week! - said Rei and pounded her fist on Sofía's door... again. For the fourth time. - You can't still be mad at us! - no answer came. Rei threw her head back and frowned. - Ugh, Sof, you haven't made anything sweet since monday! If I don't have some cake soon, I might die! Do you want me to die, woman?! - Ari giggled at Rei's sudden selfish outburst. She shood her sister away so she could get to the door.

- Come on, cariña, you love salvaging! And now we can do it in our own home! We don't even have to go out! - said Ari and tapped the door with her fingertips lightly. - Por favor guapa....

- Cut the spanish crap, boo, it won't work! - interrupted Sofi. - You snake-ass bitches shut me up ON PURPOSE, AND you broke the laws of our Sister Code. Which YOU TWO CAME UP WITH, BY THE WAY, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS IT'S FUCKING IMPORTANT!!! - Ari breathed out like a horse and leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them, Beetlejuice was there, right before her face, dangling in the air upside down. He flashed a toothy grin at his favorite breather.

- Hi there! - he said in an aroused tone. Ari sighed and scruffed his hair.

- Hello Bug. - the demon did a little half cartwheel in the air, then put his feet down on the ground. He pointed at Sofía's door with his thumb.

- How's it going with the little Drama Queen? She still won't come down from her tower?

- She can't be real dude. - said Rei with a sigh while rubbing the bridge of her nose.

- Sorry for this taking so long. - commented Ari with a light smile. She then turned towards the door and shouted: - SOMEONE'S PEOPLE SKILLS ARE A BIT RUSTY. - Beej leaned back towards the wall on the opposite side of the hallway. He shrugged with a handsign.

- No probs. - he rubbed his palms together. - This gives me a lot more time to fantasize, cause, hey, let's just look at you pretty girls, being all dolled up for me. - he said as he paced up and down on Ari and Rei. Ari wore a light purple dungaree with little bats all over it, a black cropped tshirt and a sparkly bat-shaped leather choker. Her nails were dark purple on both her toes and her hands. Half of her messy brown hair was let loose, the other half was put in a high ponytail on the top of her head with a black sparkly ribbon. Rei had a cropped, oversized, black Harley Davidson shirt on with a pair of cut-out jeans and black fishnets. Her copper-colored hair was free. They both crossed their arms before their chests and did an annoyed little frown. Beej stepped closer to them, held both their chins and lifted their faces up lightly. He summoned two more hands and with one, he caressed Ari's face, while with the other he pulled a lock of red hair out of Rei's face. - I was feeling a little off today, but you've turned me on again! - he released a kinda animalistic, guttural growl out while he pulled the girls a bit closer to him. Then with a lowered voice, he naughtily giggled. Ari tried so hard to tell herself that his gravelly, kinda smokey voice didn't make her knees tremble, but gosh she couldn't do anything about it. Being turned on by a fuckin corpse was so unnatural and was wrong on so many levels but... Gods what could this voice do with me if he whispered something into my ear while being on top of me. - I can't wait to have my own little private space and beat off to the thought of you, babies. - aaaand that snapped Ari out of fantasizing. She pulled her upper lip.

- Ew. - she commented as she shoved Beetlejuice away. He was laughing so hard his hair lit up. He made his extra hands disappear and stack his tongue out at Ari.

- Ya nasty. - said Rei with a pointing finger held up. Beej stack his tongue out at her too. Ari turned to her sister and shrugged with her hands held up.

- Nah he's just a man. - Beej hissed with his snakelike tongue still out and crossed his arms before his chest. Rei turned to Ari as if she haven't seen the demon at all.

- Is he though? When we last asked he said he has mischief in his pants not... - she held her little finger up and wiggled it. Ari burst out with laughter and had to hold her mouth so she wouldn't spit on her sister. Beej raised an eyebrow and bit his lower lip while smiling. He reached for his belt buckle.

- Well, you can check if you want...

The thing that stopped him from removing his pants was Sofía's shouting from the other side of the door.

- Oh that fuckin demon with the attitude problem is there to help you too?!? - BJ sighed as he started redoing his belt.

- Hey, I only called you a melodramatic bitch yesterday cause you're acting like one! - he shook his index finger towards the door. Then shrugged. - And, by the way, I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

- Plus, he's nice. - commented Ari while looking at the door. Beetlejuice's hair turned into a light pink and neon green mess. He raised his shoulders up to his ears, put his hands in his trousers's pockets, put his weight from one leg to the other and smiled widely. Cute little wrinkles and holes appeared on his chubby face as he did so.

- Awwww, thanks, babes!

- No, he's not! - interrupted Sofi. - You guys forget that even though he does nice things like saving us from burglars and letting us rummage through the stuff in the attic before he makes the stuff we don't need disappear, he's still a demon! A FUCKIN DEMON!!! What if one day he gets bored and hurts us?! - the sisters looked at each other with a certain look. Maybe what she said was somewhat true...

Even though Beetlejuice didn't really understand human emotions yet (Rei told him the other day that it was like living with Sheldon Cooper, even though Beetlejuice didn't have the slightest idea of who that was), he did know what that look meant. The girls had second thoughts. He already realized that Sofía was the most serious one of the sisters, and that she could easily plant ideas into their heads. I can't let her fuck me off by the side of my new BFFFF... I should scare her. That will do the trick. He cleared his throat and held the girls' shoulders. He pulled them away from the door and made a little "I'll handle this" gesture with his hands. He quickly reajusted his thoughts and found his ground, so after a quick second he let a devilish, nasty smile find its way to his face. He stepped closer to the door and held both sides of the doorframe.

- Oh honey, if I wanted to hurt anyone here... - he said in a honeyed tone, then put his head through the door. - ...I would have already done so. - the last part sounded like it came from every possible direction, and had a weird smokey effect to it. His voice also dropped a couple octaves. Ari could hear in his voice that Beetlejuice was flashing an evil smile at her sister.

The girls heard Sofía growl and by the huffing, grab something heavy. Beetlejuice all of a sudden pulled his head out of the door just a nanosecond before something crashed against the door. Beej pulled the side of his lips and closed one of his eyes.

- That was an old camera. - Rei took her glasses off and rubbed her temples.

- Dwight you ignorant slut... - BJ threw his head back and growled. Okay time for Plan B. Being nice. Ew.

- Ugh, it's so tragic that someone this sexy as me has to go through this much to have some little privacy! - he growled then sighed and held the doorframe again. He took a deep breath and put his head through the door again.

- Look, Sofía, honey... No STOP, STOP, PUT THE CHAIR DOWN! - the girls heard Beej stop shouting for a second, then breathe out with a little "whew". - Good girl. Okay, see sweetcheeks, the easiest way to get into the attic without a key is to break the door in. - he said in a legitimately sweet tone. He let go of the doorframe and with a little whirl of a hand, a huge axe appeared in his right hand. He put it through the door. - And I'd gladly give this tiny fella to you so you could let some steam outofya.

Beetlejuice stepped back from the door, axe still in his hand. The door creaked and opened up. Sofía was still holding the door handle, a lock of her fluffy hair dangling before her eyes while the rest was pulled together with a tealblue scrunchie. She had comfy kneehigh jeans and a tealblue top with the picture of a maneating siren on. Her nails were mirrorlike and sharp. She huffed the lock out, then stepped closer to the demon and grabbed the axe out of his hand. He answered with a huge shiteating grin. Since Sofía was way taller than Beetlejuice, she easily rose above him and pushed her index finger into his chest. She wrinkled her brows.

- That's a good idea. But I'm still mad at you. - she turned around and pointed at her sisters. - All 3 of you. - Ari rolled her eyes.

- I'll make you the strawberry dress in lavender. - she said. Sofía let her finger down.

- ...kay I'm not that mad anymore. - Rei growled and rolled her eyes with her head thrown back.

- Sof, bloody hell, why are you the way that you are?

The door to the attic was at the end of the hallway, with a couple stairs leading up to it. Beetlejuice floated through the door, saying he's not comfortable next to Sofía while she's holding an axe so he would wait on the other side of the red door. Rei and Ari stopped a few steps behind Sof as well.

Sofía brandished the axe and cut into the door. The wood cracked and a part of the door broke in. The girl swinged the axe again and again, then looked through the hole she created and she shouted:

- HEEERE'S JOHNNY!

The girls woo-hood and smiled at their sister's horror movie reference. Sofía cut into the door a couple times more, creating a hole big enough for them to go through. She put the axe down and stepped into the attic.

The attic was kind of big, but it was full of boxes and random stuff. The 2 windows on the right side of the room were barely visible by the boxes shoved before them. The walls had wooden paneling on them, but that was barely visible because of the shelves as well. The floor had a couple old, hole filled carpets scattered around. And everything was dusty. Not just simply dusty, everything had at least 10 centimeters of dust on it. Mountains of dirt, one might say.

- Wow, it's like nobody came in here since... I dunno, the 90's. - said Rei as she peaked her head through the door. When all 3 of them were in the room, Beetlejuice put his feet down on the ground and unfolded his hands.

- Welcome to my humble hideaway! - he said dramatically, then clapped over his head and the lights turned up. He took a step towards the girls and with that, his shoes got tangled up in a hole in a carpet and he fell back with a loud thud. His fall filled the air with dust particles. The girls all coughed. Sofía looked at Beej and between two coughs, she said:

- I didn't know a bloody demon could be clumsy too.

- The fuck you mean. - answered BJ, still laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling.

- That you fell over.

- I did not! - he said, holding his middle finger up. - I attacked the floor! - Sofía stepped closer with hands folded across her chest and a disbelieving smile.

- ...backwards? - Beetlejuice thought for a minute then a legit lightbulb appeared above his head for a slight second. He pulled a smug grin, fingergunned and winked at the oldest sister.

- I'm skilled.

Sofía rolled her eyes, waved her hand and stepped aside to take a look inside the nearest box. Ari stepped next to Beej and offered him a hand.

- Come now Mister Skilled, you're dirty enough, you don't need to roll around in the dirt as well. - Beetlejuice grabbed her hand and tilted his head sideways. Then flashed an evil, smutty grin. Uh-oh. Ari knew what that smile meant.

Beetlejuice all of a sudden pulled Ari down. As soon as the girl fell on his chest, the demon quickly turned them around so Ari would be on her back and he could be right on top of her. Beetlejuice pinned Ari's hands to the ground above her head with a hand and with the other, he held her chin playfully. His green hair had some magenta streaks in it. Ari's heart was racing. Her demon buddy was basically lying on her, and the coldness radiating from his body made Ari tingle. Shit, I was fantasizing about this scenario... Oh wow that's a big dick even without an erection... NO ARI THAT'S WRONG. STOP IT. You might be horny, you slut, I get it, we didn't have any proper action in a year or so, but he's your best friend... Your pervy, always horny best friend who literally just told you, 5 minutes ago, that he's gonna jerk off while picturing you naked... But he's still your very dead best friend, which you haven't had in a long time. That's a point you should consider too... But that devilish smile... And his weight, pushing my body down...

- What you say we get you dirty as well, doll? - whispered Beetlejuice in a definitely horny tone. Ari tried to say something but no words came out of her mouth. Beetlejuice let out a guttural, small laugh... and was instantly stopped by a book hitting his head.

Rei had a couple books in her hands, and was ready to throw another at the demon. She had determination in her eyes. Beetlejuice let Ari's hands go and sat back on her belly to stick his tongue out at Rei. Ari saw the opportunity and immediately started tickling BJ's sides. He fell over, laughing his ass off, screaming at Ari to stop 'cause he's ticklish. A couple neon green, glowing tears rolled off his cheeks. He tried to push Ari away, who only got more dedicated to tickling her undead bestie to his second death by seeing the tears and hearing his screams. Rei facepalmed and growled.

- GET A ROOM, YA TWO! - she shouted. Beej was finally able to grab Ari's hands and stop her. He flashed a devilish smile as his hair turned neon green completely and he summoned 2 extra limbs to tickle Ari back. But as soon as he reached for the girl's uncovered sides (her croptop left her sides naked), her eyes flinched and she pulled her legs to her chest. Beetlejuice saw the uncomfortability in her eyes instantly. He quickly let go and jumped to his feet. Even though he was a demon, a kind of pain in the ass, he didn't want to scare Ari. Not like this, at least. A good old jumpscare is fine, but scarring your best friend is a douchebag move. He knew, he was still kinda pissed at his last best friend-o for literally scarring him.

Plus, Rei made him promise that he'll be a nice emotional support demon boy.

- Am I overstepping my boundaries? - Ari kinda shook her head but Beej raised an eyebrow at her. To which Ari sighed. She did the "más o menos" handsign. Beej offered her a hand. - Alright, no belly touching thingie then. Imma keep my hands to myself, sugar. - he pulled Ari to her feet, but before letting her hand go, he pulled her closer with a smutty grin. - At least for now. - Ari playfully scruffed BJ's hair with a giggle and pushed him away.

The weird and unusual group quickly got to work. They made some space on the floor and put several boxes down. Of course, Beetlejuice didn't help (lazy bum), he was just floating around and made quirky and pervy comments. And made the girls laugh. God that made him feel all tingly inside. A couple strikes in his hair even turned orange, he was so proud of himself, because, you know, being scared of is one thing but making someone laugh their asses off is even better.

The girls got little pillows to sit on from the living room. On their way back up their pets accompanied them. As soon as Minerva spotted a box, she ran straight past the demon she hated oh so much and jumped into her new favorite resting place on earth. She got comfortable very quickly and fell asleep while purring loudly. Sirius sniffed around the place. The black dog quickly turned brownish grey as he went through the attic. Rei shook her head and established that during the afternoon Sirius will take a bath, doesn't matter if he'd like that or not. Ari snorted when Beetlejuice flinched and made a disgusted face at the idea of a bath.

As soon as the sisters sat down into a cozy little circle on the floor, BJ snapped, disappeared, then a couple seconds later reappeared with a green puff of smoke next to Ari. He was holding a bunch of sweets and snacks, like gummy worms, Sugus, a bag of Boca Bits, Lay's Gourmets and Reese's packs. He sat down sideways next to his friendo with outstretched legs, then layed down and put his head in Ari's lap.

Ari was always a very touchy-feely, passionate, sentimental person. She never thought much of hugs, kisses, sweet embraces or just genuinely touching someone; these actions felt nice and natural for her. She turned out to be like this because of two reasons: one, she grew up in a household where hugs and words of affection were constant. Two, spaniards are naturally passionate and rather handsy. It's basically embedded in their heritage. Although, as one might guess, for a short period of time she was nothing like this. She got uncomfortable when someone wanted to touch her abdomen or sides while hugging, she couldn't let anyone near her in an intimate way and such tings. She hated that period of time in her life, but she considered herself lucky that she had help when she needed it, and slowly but surely she could return to her old self. She still had some issues, but she was working on them.

So knowing how she was, she didn't think much of BJ snuggling up to her; she already got used to how touch-starved her new undead best friend was. She also noticed that he was basically addicted to body heat. Anytime Ari hugged him - which, he honestly still didn't really understand why she did - at first he was startled, he didn't know what to do, he was just standing in one place and didn't move at all, but as soon as the girl tried to let him go he quickly wrapped a couple arms around her and held her close for long long minutes. He really liked that Ari didn't wear any shoes in the house, so he was even taller than her then normally. This way he could rest his chin upon her head... And smell her. I know. Creepy. Ari didn't notice though. What she did notice was his stench and how he almost choked her to death yesterday when he got too wound up in their hug. I'll make him take a bath even if he kills me, she thought.

She was telling herself that she hugged him so many times because she knew (based on the things that BJ told him about his past and mother already, even though it wasn't much) that he needed comfort and hugging did the thing... But to be honest, she hugged him and let him be all touchy-feely with her because it just felt nice. She didn't feel any discomfort when he touched her. It felt like they've known each other for ages. Plus, he was cute and soft as a plushie. And stinky. Very stinky. She pulled her nose into wrinkles.

- Bug, I adore your charm and everything, but honey if you'd be a fairy, you'd be called Stinkerbelle. - Beetlejuice looked up with glowing eyes. Literally.

- Awww thanks babe! - Ari shook her head.

- That... That was NOT a compliment. That was so not a compliment. - BJ crossed his arms before his chest and threw his stripey, forked tongue out at Ari. Ari clicked her tongue. - Come on, you ARE stinky as hell hombre! You wouldn't die by taking... - Beej stopped Ari by showing a handful of gummy worms into her mouth. She rolled her eyes and wrinkled her forehead angrily at the demon. He just smiled and threw his tongue out again.

Ari, just like her sisters, reached for a box and started going through it. They showed everything they found to each other so they could sort every little thing out: there was an empty box for stuff they needed, there was a dump for stuff they wanted to disappear, and there was an empty box for BJ. Ari reached into the box and shook her head.

- There's only a bunch of unfinished projects in here, guys. Let's see. - she lifted some very thick books out. - Books on computers... - she reached into the box again. - A "spin-your-own-yarn" kit? Home-brewed kombucha?

- Ew that most of the times tastes like an armpit. - commented Rei. Ari put everything that she lifted out on the dump and while reaching into the box again, she looked at her undead pal laying in her lap, shoving Boca Bits into his mouth.

- Tell me Beej, who left all this stuff here? I'm pretty sure it wasn't the previous owners cause, hey, they couldn't climb the stairs. - Beetlejuice shrugged.

- Adam and Babs. - he said with a full mouth. - Owners in the late eighties. Middleclass, suburban and white... A boring but very sexy couple. - Sof chuckled. Beej's bright green hair started turning a little purple. The girls already knew that purple meant sadness. He looked down at his stripey jacket and started playing with his buttons. His face turned all foggy. Literally. Ari stroked his forehead.

- What's the matter B? Did I say something wrong? - he shrugged again.

- Nothing, just... - he turned his head and looked at Rei. He started snapping, like he was trying to say something but didn't find the word. - Sugar, what's that feeling you feel when someone leaves you and you still wish for them to come back cause you... You know... What's that word? - Rei raised her eyebrows.

- Miss them? - Beej pointed at her with enthusiastic eyes and snapped again.

- YES! THAT'S THE ONE! - he looked back up at Ari, still being a little purple. - Yeah, I kinda miss them. They were fun folks... - his eyes wandered to the object Ari was holding. He gasped as his hair turned back to green, like his sadness was blown away by that black and white little object. He quickly snapped the thing out of the girl's hands. - AWWW THAT'S MY UKULELE! - he sat up and hugged the instrument. - I've been looking for this for years! - Sof smiled at the demon's genuinely happy reaction. Maybe he's not as bad as I thought...

- I didn’t know you were such a musical guy. - she said. Beej quickly snapped and reappeared before her. He pinched her cheek.

- Sweetcheeks, I'm the ghost with the most, name one thing I'm not.

- Helpful when it comes to moving boxes. - she said without hesitation. BJ rolled his eyes. Sof pushed him away by his head, which caused the demon to fall back on his backside. He threw his hands up in the air, still holding the ukulele.

- Come on, you can't blame a guy for loving to watch those sweet litle rumps of yours swingin' around! - he said, looked up at Ari and winked.

The next second, he was laying in Ari's lap again. He started tuning the ukulele while humming and gently singing.

- 🎶The Barbara you marriiiiied, she is dead and burieeed six feet below-uow-ouw... Ouw-ouw-ouw~~~🎶

- What's this song? - asked Ari as she put a fancylooking porcelain butterfly aside. Beej shrugged. He didn't even look up from the instrument.

- Oh nothing, just a little somethin'-somethin' that I can't get out of my head. - he played a couple notes on the ukulele, then did a proud little fistbump. - Yessss, works like a new one!

The girls got rid of a couple stuff, they emptied like a box when Rei called out to Beej.

- Hey, scruffyhead, could you play something for us? - an enthusiastic, shy light glistened through the demon's eyes. He tried to cover his happiness with a macho shrug.

- Sure, why not. - he sat up from Ari's lap and positioned himself in criss-cross-applesauce while leaning against Ari's shoulder. - Here goes nothin'. - he cleared his throat and started singing while playing his little instrument. - 🎶You're...🎶 - the girls all got wide-eyed at the clear voice that left the demon's lips. It even sounded somewhat humanlike? - 🎶You're gonna be fiiine... On the other siiiide...🎶 DIE! - he shouted suddenly in his normal, gravelly voice. - YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! - he pointed at the girls with the neck of his ukulele. Gosh he seemed crazy. - YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! 🎶I'll...🎶 - he changed back to the sing-song voice again, leaving a comedic impression behind, making Ari and Sofía cackle. - 🎶I'll be your guiiiide... To the other siiiiiide...🎶

- AWMYGOSH YOU HAVE A LITTLE BEERGUT! - interrupted Rei. She cupped her face with her hands, awed at her discovery.

- Wah... - said the demon while pulling one side of his upper lip into a grimace. Rei clapped little claps.

- I knew my eyes weren't lying! You have a dadbod! That's so sweet! Your beergut is so cute! - Beetlejuice quickly stood up with arms crossed before his chest, angry red streaks appearing in his greenish-purpleish hair.

- Shut the fuck up, I don't have a beer gut. - he said and held a finger up at Rei. Ari smiled at how sassy he looked. - I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs. - Ari still smiled but something started bugging her. Her friend kind of looked... Wounded? Self-conscious? - Plus, I look pretty fuckin good for a dead bitch, just so you know. - and with that last sentence it was clear for her. Not just the tone, his hair told on him as well. It had an angry red glow to it, but it was mostly purple and blue, just like his stubble. She guessed it might meant that Rei touched a sensitive subject. The girl tugged on the demon's pants, which made him look down. His eyes told Ari she was right. She flashed a humble smile at the demon.

- You really do, Mr. Devilishly Handsome. - and boom, the red glow disappeared. Beetlejuice looked startled. What did she say?!?, thought BJ.

Ari took a quick glance at her sisters. They knew what that look meant. Time to make someone feel good about themselves. That's what their mothers taught them. Rei blinked at the demon with glistening eyes.

- You look very fine! - Wait what the fuck is happening., thought Beetlejuice again. His hair started to change. It got a lot lighter.

- You really do. - said Sofía without even looking up from the box she was going through. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON SERIOUSLY?!?, thought Beetlejuice, now kinda panicking. A light pink streak appeared in his hair, and his stubble almost entirely turned pink at this point. Ari cleared her throat. Sofía looked up and pointed at the demon with a light sigh. - Look homeboy, I still have second thoughts about you, but it's a fact that you're a fine specimen. And it's coming from a chick who's into girls. - Beetlejuice leaned closer to the oldest sister with a toothy grin. Of course he had to cope with humour.

- Aww so I don't have a chance with ya? - Sofía raised an eyebrow.

- I'll seriously punch you in the face bro. - the demon laughed. Hah, cringey situation avoided.

- Seriously though, we love all body types in this household. - commented Rei. - And yours is very cute and fluffy. - NOPE NOT AVERTED, TIME TO DISAPPEAR, he thought as he started making smoke. - I understand now why Ari hugs you so many times. - that startled him. He looked down on the floor in embarassment, being unable to disappear he was so happy deep down in his little undead heart. He was never genuinely complimented. And these girls made him feel so nice...

- Oh calláte... - said Ari in a tiny voice as she looked down as well. Good thing BJ haven't seen her face was red as a tomato. Rei ponted at BJ with a gasp.

- AWMYGOSH YOUR HAIR! THAT'S SO CUUUUUTE! - Beetlejuice put his hands, all 4 of them on his totally pink hair.

- S...stop... This is so embarrassing! - he cried out. - You make me cringe at this mortal human bullsh... - he couldn't finish the sentence because Ari launched herself at his neck, pulling him down to a tight awkward hug. - Wha... No! - he said in an embarassed tone right after Rei scooted over with a giggle and hugged his knees. - NO STOP! - Sofía scooted over as well and ruffled his hair in a siblinglike way. - STOP! I HATE YOU ALL!!! - he shouted while trying to get away. But there was no escape from the girls' embrace who were all laughing at the suffering, pink demon at this point.

- Shut up, you like it! - said Ari right before she placed a sloppy kiss on the demon's face. He answered only with a shy smile and a certain pink glow to his body hair.

You can't imagine how much I do.

[disaster-fruit]

and I know it's unfair because I haven't answered the ask yet but you're Brazilian so you know way more than me but I'd love to hear your thoughts about Imperial Brazil?? I'm really struggling with him bc i know about him in this era more from a portuguese perspective.....

YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN’T ANSWER THIS HUH 

Sorry for taking so damn long audshdf I was saving this ask to do a real deep dive into the whole empire with a lot of historical explanation and a lot of detail buuuut I was having some trouble coherently organizing my thoughts about Pedro II’s reign so instead I’m gonna use this ask to more loosely talk abt the first half of the empire. You’ve seen my basic thoughts on the second half on that other post, so now I’m gonna ramble mostly about 1808-1840.

Also, hm, this is LONG. It’s embarrassingly long. I hope you have time. 

And yes 1808-1822 is not part of the empire, but Brazil was no longer a colony in practice during those years, and I think they were crucial to his development as a person. 

Before 1808, Brazil pretty much grew up alone. His mother was around less and less, and he had no friends. Portugal was, as we already know, a shitty dad. Up to that point, he was not only absent but also very controlling. He never allowed Brazil or his people to learn how to read, Brazil wasn’t allowed to have libraries or universities or newspapers or even print. Portugal alienated Brazil both from his mother and from Port himself. He was forcefully kept from developing his own ideas, and his growth was stagnant – even physically. The way I see it, after 300 years he was still a small child, while the others around him were already growing into teenagers even though they were younger in actual numbers. Portugal literally kept him from developing as a person, by force. 

But suddenly, Portugal needed him. Suddenly, he showed up at his shore, with hundreds of people, and objects, and books. And though Portugal desperately needed Brazil at that time, his king couldn’t be there with Brazil being like that. That land with no cities and no libraries and no economy no nothing because he was forced to have nothing. 

He starts growing really, really fast, and forcefully again. And it was a painful process – his people were being kicked out of their houses so that the people that arrived from Portugal had where to live. In a few years, he grew almost as fast as humans did. But it was still an incomplete growth – most of his people were still living in misery, but now he had a structured state that allowed him to more firmly fit into what a nation means. But it all happened so fast he was… dizzy. 

And that was all combined with what was happening in his relationship with his father. They had both gotten much closer now that Portugal was physically there more often. I think Portugal is considerably less shitty to Brazil during these years, both because he needs him and because he is a relief from everything going on in Europe. But that doesn’t mean he became a good dad, but also Brazil was a lot smarter now, a lot freer, and quick to realize something that had always been true – Portugal needed Brazil more than Brazil needed Portugal. Much more. 

The fact that he wasn’t a colony anymore but wasn’t quite independent, and thus still had to obey Portugal to some degree, started to annoy him. This has quite a bit of teenage rebellion element into it, but that doesn’t mean it came from unjustified anger. Not at all. His pride and ego were starting to really develop. The king of Portugal liked him better than he liked port himself, Brazil was heaven on earth, Brazil was rich, Brazil was full of potential, Brazil was great, Brazil was paradise, Brazil was not his own.  

And that just keeps building.

And when Portugal starts talking about making him a colony again. After all that shit about the being a united kingdom, about Portugal being his father and trying to get close to him, of seeing him as a refuge and a relief, after all of that connection I think Portugal genuinely tried to build with him, the ugly truth is bare again – Portugal never saw him as worthy of equal footing, never saw that united kingdom as anything but temporary, never saw brazil as anything more than a colony. 

And Brazil is mad. 

When he found out the plans of Pedro I to declare independence, he’s more than happy. He’s been thinking of it for a while, and I think maybe deep down he didn’t love the idea of another Portuguese man being his boss, but Pedro had grown up in brazil, dude was carioca at heart, his wife was wonderful, Brazil could work with that. He declared independence, fought against Portugal, won, still had to pay for his independence, but, at last, he got it. 

I think in a way Brazil’s anger, as righteous as it was, did blind him to what was going on. He wanted so bad to get rid of Portugal and avoid going back to how it was when he was a colony, that he waved away or even approved things that really just kept him stuck in the same place. Very little actually changed for most people, and as someone who literally represented all the people, he knew that and could feel that, but he was still so euphoric personally about it that he… ignored it. 

Pedro I’s reign was… messy. He needed a constitution, he got into a war with Argentina, everyone was talking about who Pedro was fucking, it was just a whole mess. For that reason, I think despite declaring his independence, brazil remembers Pedro as being mostly an irresponsible asshole who couldn’t keep it in his pants and was too busy being a playboy to rule this country yet still managed to be authoritarian and also made him lose Uruguay. And when it came time for him to choose Brazil or Portugal, just like his father, he chooses Portugal. 

That was a blow on his ego. Brazil at this point was still just a teenager, who had in two decades grown insanely fast for a nation, has been told by each king his land was heaven on earth and so much richer than Portugal, yet no one was willing to choose him. Ever. He was still an afterthought. Like a colony, that still had a metropolis. Pedro left him with a 4-year-old, with a government disorganized, and no money. 

And then the Provinces start to rise up. 

So, hm, a quick background on how I see the provinces: Some of them existed since around 1530, some were younger and some weren't around yet, and if Brazil first appeared representing the people that were born in this new colony, the provinces were much more… administrative and political. Yet many of the ones that were around grew much faster than Brazil – they were already teenagers or even adults by independence. They had always responded directly to Portugal and for a long time saw no connection between themselves or between them and Brazil. The idea of “Brazil” was only like… 100 years old, even less than that. And some of them were not loving being attached to those two kids – Brazil and the baby emperor. They saw the weak government of the regency as a chance to rise up and declare their own independence, as many who started as provinces around them had – like Uruguay.

The regency lasted 9 years, but I think those few years were also crucial to form Brazil as a person, due to how stressful they were. Think about it, he saw what was happening around him, with Spain’s former colonies. And I think he for the first time had to grapple with the very human existential fear of death. 

If each of his provinces became their own country, would he still be around? Would he just become… Rio? But Rio existed as a province too. Would he just… be a lot of different countries? Probably not.  He would probably disappear. He had only just started to be allowed to live, but that could be taken away at any moment. Uruguay and Rio Grande do Sul succeeded in getting their independence. How long until the others? It was quite terrifying. And I think that experience not only made him averse to the idea of being a republic in general at the time, but also created a lot of emotional and psychological problems for him, a lot of insecurity, as well as it made him realize he was nothing. There was nothing to justify his existence. He couldn’t say he existed because he wanted freedom or republic, he had none of these, plus it was something the provinces too could have. What united that land? What made him him? Those were all questions that would haunt him for the rest of the empire, and he would soon be more than willing to go after and accept easy answers. That’s how he gets to that whole indianismo think I talked about some time ago.

He fights his own provinces, on people, countless times. Revolts that really were like civil wars kept popping, and he, who was just a teenager, had to fight to oppress his provinces and force them into being a part of him, for a reason he himself didn’t know. He couldn’t explain why they should be a part of him, except that they were and he wanted them to be and he wanted to live. And he didn’t know why.

In summary, this whole period was one of fear, and insecurity, and doubt. It shook him profoundly as a person more than as a country. Because once Pedrinho was in power, things were quick to stabilize and it was, in some ways, as if those revolts had never happened, but Brazil remembered them, he lived through them, and never really forgot that fear. 

If the regency was marked by external peace and internal turmoil, Pedrinho’s reign was one of relatively internal peace and external turmoil. Pedro II was… a complicated figure. Most Brazilians today regard him as an excellent ruler and a wise man, but I at least can’t be this optimistic about the man who insisted on the Paraguayan war, refused to abolish slavery for decades, and basically laid ground to a lot of the problems we still have today, like bad distribution of land and late industrialization. He didn’t do all that by himself, of course, a lot can be blamed on the senate, but he was the most powerful man on the country, and he receives way too much credit for his personal beliefs of being an abolitionist and a pacifist. Maybe he really was both these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t use his power to end slavery and avoid war, quite the opposite. And why is that important here? Because I think brazil, the tan, was also fooled by it. He quickly bought into the narrative that Pedro II was this wise incredible man, and overlooked all the ways he kept the worst structures of the country untouched in order to not upset the elite that kept him in power. Brazil wanted nothing but stability and power, and Pedro, looking like the opposite of his father at the surface, brought that. There were no more separatist movements or civil wars once he rose to power, Rio Grande do Sul was reabsorbed, and the years that followed were ones of relative prosperity, and all of that really made brazil more and more attached to the whole concept of the empire. I think just like he was willing to ignore a lot of things during independence for the sake of it, here too he ignored all the ways Pedro II held him back so that he could fully feel the pride of being a powerful empire.

Brazil really did like being an empire during that time. The narrative of the empire was one that answered the question that haunted him for so long – what justified his existence. Justifying it, in the 19th century, is what I believe to be the main motivation underlying everything he did and thought. And the narrative was that the empire guaranteed stability and avoided civil wars and fragmentation, allowing Brazil to be, to quote José Bonifacio, “This majestic and solid piece of social architecture from the Prata to the Amazonas”, and again, all that in comparison to his neighbors that were constantly drowning in civil wars and fragmenting. For stability and that justification, he was willing to turn a blind eye to anything else.

So he rose from the regency feeling stronger than ever. Pedrinho had put everything into place, he was growing, he had a Brazilian in power for the first time, his coffee was going well, and he had survived. Many of his neighbors hadn’t, or at least not in the sense of managing to keep their territories intact. He did. His neighbors were unstable, with wars and coups and wars (like he hadn’t just had exactly that), he was stable and growing and he was the strongest. Once free of the fear of being destroyed from the inside, his ego grew once again, and he felt good. He felt pride in being a big strong and centralized empire, and to look down on the other Latin Americans and even on his father. He was ready now to make his power and influence spread, as an Empire. 

That's it, sorry if this is both ridiculously long and also a mess, I have way too many thoughts about imperial brazil and I could've probably written ten more pages of it and still have something to say. Also I'd still love to hear your thoughts on the empire for a Portuguese perspective, because I genuinely have no clue what that would look like. But anyway hmm I hope this was fun?