#i have yet to do so and im tired ok
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Strawberry Skys - Chapter One - New Town, Who Dis?
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A click of a camera didn’t tell any of the chatting siblings to the oldests camera.
El grinned and leaned back onto the wall. Her light scales glinted in the setting sun, her dark eyes a sea of dark summer rain. El set her camera down, and picked up the last piece of pizza that her younger siblings were arguing over.
El cackled as Mikey spotted the affiance a little too late, and all of her younger siblings converged onto her. Kicking her little brother off of her, El jumped up laughing and ran to evade her little sibling and brothers as they ran to snag the last big of the pizza in her hands.
Jumping over an air conditioner unit and jumping onto a water tower, El giggled and watched her siblings begin to prowl the base of the tower as she shoved the last bit into her mouth. Mikey eventually tried to do the same she had done, only to fall right into their shell. Raph laughed but helped the orange turtle up. Donnie offered El a hand, which she gladly took to jump off the water tower.
Mikey and Raphs dark scale blended into the dark of the night sky, eyes aglow in the still setting sun. El leaned onto her sibling, letting Donnie support her in a way she had so foolishly rejected as a teen.
Walking over to her camera, she picked it up and took a quick photo of the arguing red and orange turtles. Raph was currently under Mikey, but had both of the orange turtles arms pinned under himself. Mikey and. Somehow managed to grab Raphs legs and pin them with their own.
“So, we do something about that?” Donnie laughed next to El, picking up the pizza boxes they had strewn around the roof.
“Nah. It’ll save a clean up back home.” El picked up her crutches and put her camera back in her bag.
“And that’s why you are the older sister.” Donnie laughed and handed El the bag of drinks that she took silently.
El and Donnie let the duo of arguing turtles roll around in the dirty roof for a good long time, letting the sun set fully before getting the dou to end it and go home.
The four descended from the roof, laughing and flipping down the fire escape and depositing the bag of trash next to the dumpster in the alleyway.
“Uh dudes?” Mikey was standing next to the entrance of the alley, looking out at the street. “That restraint always been there?” He pointed at a pizza shop, bustling with people.
“It probably just opened Mike.” Donnie landed from the fire escape.
‘I have never seen this many people in one place.” Mikey looked back at the restraint.
“It bothering you?” El leaned onto one of her crutches, still holding her camera bag.
“A little.” Mikey shuffled closer to Raph.
Raph draped one arm around the orange turtle. “We can check it out on tonight's payroll, k?”
“Alright..” Mikey gave a quiet grin and followed the rest of the siblings into the sewers.
———
All four of the turtles were a few roofs above the strange restaurant. Mikey stood on the leg of the roof, watching the block with the building with narrowed eyes. Donnie stood next to them, watching one of their gadgets. Both Raph and El stood behind them, watching.
“So?” Raph leaned to onside, arms crossed.
“Mikey thinks it’s strange, and I’m trying to get readings with my tech. Mikey is being Mikey and getting data his way.” Donnie waved one hand, still locked on his device. Mikey hummed and counted to watch the building.
“Alright. How long do you two need?” El leaned on her brother, who straightened to support her fully.
‘Ah.. My tech should be working soon, or at least get- AHA!” Donnie yelled in triumph as something light up on their thing. Mikey mumbled, barely sparring anyone a second glance.
“So!” Donnie spun to face the red and blue turtles. “My cameras have picked up on energy sources located in a variety of buildings across the city! This happens to be one of them. Now, the strange part is. That I have had no record of any of these buildings ever being here before! And! To make this even better, The city looks to be-“
“Someone is leaving.” Mikey lumped to the next roof, effectively cutting Donnie off. Raph snorted and El sighed.
Donnie rolled his eyes, but put their tech away and followed after the youngest sibling. Raph and El took after them, landing behind Mikey as the orange turtle watched a human leave the building.
The human looked around, clearly a bit lost, before checking their phone and walking away. Mikey squinted at them, but apron not getting anything that they wanted, she shrugged and spun to watch the building once again.
El sighed and sat down next to her brother, Donnie sitting next to her. Raph counted to stand behind them, watching from above.
The four of them counted to watch the building, neither Mikey or Donnie explaining what info they needed from it. Donnie never elaborated on what they were saying before, either.
After several hours, Donnie put his stuff away and began to read as his data was collected automatically. Mikey counted to watch with narrow eyes, so all three of the others opted to hang out until the youngest turtle threw in the towel.
It took several hours, and the sun getting close to rising for said turtle to give it up for the night. Well, they made him give it up for the night.
“Mikey, I love you, and you know I would never make you stop doing something that helped you, but this is not helping any of us right now.” Raph leaned on Mikey, making them jump. Donnie looked up from his book.
“But I can’t figure this place out!” Mikey wined, pointing at the now very much closed. “It smells funny.”
“Mike. My tech can pick up on a lot of data, and with your senses, it's even better at its job. But! All that, we need you to sleep and we can come back later. Beside, it doesn’t smell of Kraang, so unless you can hear it, I think we are all good.” Donnie leaned onto the water tower, putting their book down and stretching out.
“I can’t hear any Kraang. Or smell any. But it still smells funny!” Mikey looked back at it, then back at all his siblings.
“I hear you Mikey, but if it doesn't smell or hear of Kraang, can you leave it alone for a bit? Donnie can contuse to monitor it for you or we can check on it regularly.” El tapped Mikey on their shell, looking at the other two turtles.
“I'll be monarating it already! It has some interesting implications of what’s happening.” Donnie start to ramble again, getting cut off when Mikey giggled.
“Alright, Alright. Tell me after I take a nap?” Mikey leaned into El.
“Got it little man.” El laughed, letting Mikey lean into her. “Let's get everyone home, and Mikey and Donnie can look into this after they sleep.”
“Fine.” Donnie pouted, making Mikey laugh. Raph snorted, and picked Mikey up. Making his way to the edge of the building, letting El and Donnie follow slower.
#strawberry skys au#tmnt 2012#tmnt mikey#tmnt leo#tmnt raph#tmnt donnie#oh this is gonna take forever#ok there is about to be a lot of spam as i get everything up to date#for those who are seeing this for the first time#this is my main fic sos and im setting tumbler and ao3 to have the same updates#for a variety of reasons#if the formatting is fucked i apologize#also this is /old/ writting#im tempted to redo it but ya know#i have yet to do so and im tired ok
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Every femstars artist I've seen draws Mugi with big boobs and I'M NOT COMPLAININGJFKSNGK I just love how she has the biggest boobs and then nat is like.... Flat.. I feel kinda rude saying thatdbsknf😭 I love them so much ❤️❤️
I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE DRAW THEM LIKE THIS!!!!!!! it's my ultimate hc for their bodies ever since I?? started shipping them ig?? Fem!Tsumugi not caring about her looks yet being well endowed while Fem!Natsume is like. always looking super pretty, but being flat as hell (and a little bit jealous of mugi's overall body proportions)? SIGN ME UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP IT'S MY FAVE SHIP DYNAMIC. I EAT IT ALL UP ALL THE TIME. I love seeing other artists having this as their hc as well!! Imo it suits them so much OUGHHHHHHH i need to thank all the artists who also draw them like this bc you're the reason why im so well fed. thank u for your service.
#IM SO SORRY FOR TAKING TO LONG TO RESPOND TO YOUR ASK ANON#i know it's been. almost a month. but im trying my best ok#do you ever think about how fem mugi probably has THEEEEEEEEEEE most perfect body proportions.#she's a perfect idol#yet she doesnt give a SHIT about it#which just makes her even more perfect imo#but natsume? she probably looks FLAWLESS on a daily basis. she'll be dead tired but you won't notice bc she's always wearing makeup#i also think natsume would have like. more of rectangular body shape while mugi's would be an hourglass#i have lots of thoughts#i'll try to answer more asks with drawings later!! i just need to draw them first JGHFJDHGDFKG and it might time some time. but bear with m
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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i'm gonna print some for london 2 so
#WHO ELSE IS COMING 🤩#my art#käärijä#prpbably gonna end up doing both tbh#ok now for my completely irrelevant ramble#i just embarrassed myself so bad because i though someone born in 1997 wouldnt be 27 😭😭😭 bit stupid#but in my defense im SO tired but i dont even know why#i literally slept 12 hours last nihjt WHATT DO YOU WANT FROM ME BRO!!!#i think it has something to do with how i spent the entire day staring at my screen... drawing.... but its anyones guess 😭#thats it#also i have a chemistry mock on monday i havent studied for yet 🤩 so if anyone wants to teach me on hydrocarbons PLEASE DO#what else is there#quantitative chem is easy#but i dont know anyytjing about the stupid fricking flame test ... barium chloride more like barium fuck yourself#crying.. anyways......
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so I'm wondering what the general consensus is on the companion relationships bc from what ive seen so far they're so lackluster compared to the previous games.
(putting the rest under the cut bc this got unintentionally long...)
and you know what? yeah, I will compare it to bg3, bc I vividly remember so many developers, including bioware ones, being against bg3 being the standard. maybe they meant graphically or scale wise, but it's obvious that we meant the diversity of choices and quality/depth of the companions. larian made it a point that they wanted the relationships to be complex, it wasn't about pressing all the right dialogue for approval, and that sometime you have to challenge your friend's beliefs, sometimes you have to argue w loved ones. and when it came to romance, it was especially stressed that sex wasn't the end goal like so many other games have treated romance.
so yeah, the veilguard companions are disappointing, because it is a massive step backwards from their previous complex companions. you can't be friends, you can't be rivals, and you certainly can't have any kind of deep or complex romance. you don't even have a say in recruiting these people. there's no options for any kind of player, because bioware clearly only had a very specific player in mind. no matter what you do, it forces the illusion of friendship with characters you might not even like, it forces you to be nice and supportive no matter what, stripping the player of the agency and roleplay we were promised.
and there's the part I'm the most sore about. if bioware wanted a more linear game with a more fixed protagonist, fine, but 1) da2 exists and there was still more choice there, and 2) don't fucking lie about it. bioware lied up and down about this game for ten years straight and everyone just accepted it right up to release day. we shouldn't have to accept the bare minimum, especially from a $90cad game. that's money most people don't have to spare anymore, the least you could do is be honest about what people are paying for, especially when those who will buy it are faithful dragon age fans who thought this game was going to be faithful back and finally give them answers about the world they cared so much about.
(and don't get me wrong, larian isn't perfect either and I've made a lot of posts criticising them too, but bg3s success shows that people Do appreciate depth of choice and complex companions (see astarion's success))
to me, it feels like they only included romance bc the previous games had it and they knew people wanted it, but they didn't really care for it or just ultimately had no idea Why these romances worked. I don't get any feeling of care or effort went into these relationships (minus emmrich, but especially with lucanis') and it continues to puzzle me as to why writers even bother writing stuff they don't like or care for. and I don't want to assume it's just for money, bc I want to hope people actually do care about the work they do, so im not saying that, but it definitely doesn't feel good. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I would rather have a few characters with depth in friendship/rivalry with no romance, rather than ones that clearly have depth but is never explored. it's so frustrating to see wasted potential and it's even more frustrating to have my time and money wasted.
#im pretty much nearing the end of the game and lucanis' romance was. well disappointing but id understand if that was just him#but it's not#also i vividly remember rolling my eyes so hard when lucanis' writer said she wrote him as a bisexual disaster#but now im like damn where was any of that. i wouldve taken our stupid stereotype over literally nothing#bioware critical#datv spoilers#six speaks#also also... this sentiment goes for the entire game not just the relationships. i would rather have a good game with a good story instead-#of the developers half assing companions just bc people want it#but you cant fault people for expecting something that has literally been a staple of their games#especially when they lied about it#ok hold on i just realised it looks bad that im complaining about lucanis' romance#i do like that its slow. i do like that its not as physical or intense as people wanted. i just think there should've been other moments#of just spending time with him. doesn't have to be anything crazy but there's literally. like two romance specific scenes#minus the two ending ones bc everyone gets similar ones. which just makes physical intimacy look like the end goal yet again#don't come for me on this i Understand why his romance is like that. man lmao#im too tired for this
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it's been one day and im still pissed when will this end. season 4 had some neat assassination scenes but none of them shined as bright as the writers assassinating the characters like go off monarchs
#like dude#all of these characters have SO MUCH potential#and it's wasted time & time again#LUTHER MY SON why do they keep portraying him as himbo material#like sure he can be goofy and fun whatever who cares but???? it's like they keep using him for JOKES#klaus idk dude they just wanna torture him ig?#in every single season they put him in yet another traumatizing situation and for what lol#they don't even use it for character growth it's just?? angst for the sake of angst atp#ALSO STOPP LUTHER DIDN'T EVEN GET TO GR I EVE SLOANE#five...............#marvellous five writers have already talked about his character assassination and no one knows better than them ok#im just soooo tired#also LOL BENNNNN#im a ben blog AND HERE I AM SAYING NOTHING#BC WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT JENNIFER INCIDENT HUH#sparrow ben was a mistake there i said it i don't care#sparrow ben has no connection to the hargreeves !! fight me if u disagree#viktor wanting to save him and their little bonding scene where ben says 'im scared' is cute & all and was probably meant to parallel +#ben comforting viktor in s1 i if i remember correctly??#BUT THAT'S NOT EARNED u know why#bc ben <3 doesn't get <3 bonding moments <3 with <3 them <3#bc he IS right#they're not his family. his family was KILLED#they fumbled so hard with the jennifer incident im so pissed#really went & made his death so... idk how to explain#a plot device#that's all ben is#he IS a plot device#literally gets no growth whatsover#avril's ramblings
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thinking about ishimondo can you guys give me hcs about them like literally anything even like . mundane hcs for them idk I'm thinking about them please ...pl
#ishimondo#ishimondus nation I'm calling out to you#I've been wanting to draw tjem for so long and now thay its summer vacation for me i cant even do thay properly#unless i want to stay up but i have to work so wjay the FREAK!#many things i need and want to draw and yet im so sleepy tired#please yap about em#here or inbox is ok too dw#krambles
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ok i’m still On Break do not take this post as a sign that i’m like. Actively Tumblring again yet because i’m still not, 4 the most part, but i have had my ear to the ground for special interest things, of fuckign course, of course, bcuz i’m me, and i. just. i am .i’m so fucking sorry to all the new SM2099 comic fans who are only just now realizing just now how dire the straits are, here, LMAO. it has been this way for Years. earnestly and from the bottom of my heart i love spider-man 2099 so much and also nobody on the goddamn planet Cares About Him At All or can even fucking write him half-decently unless every single celestial bodie in the fucking milky way galaxy comes into perfect fucking syzygy, i think, i think, i think. why did u think we (me) had a psychotic episode after that fuckin movie dropped. fucksake. lord above. because it’s all always “ohhh being yourSELF and telling your OWN story your OWN way” until you Look A Certain Way and ARE A Certain Way and Have Symptoms That Look Frightening and Don’t Move Around Like ‘Normal’ People Should Move, fuckin’ freaky-ass creature beast-thing, and so on and so on and so on, Christ all-fuckin’-mighty. gets tiring. but. anywaygs.
it is far easier to be destructive, than constructive. so. ahem. sorry. refocusing. it seems quite simply that just yet another goddamn story missed the point that 90s future spider-man is a story about very plainly and simply loving each other as people. it’s a story about a severely depressed, miserable, cynical little man who finds new reasons to live in every kind person he meets, and there is an open earnesty to that, if nothing else, that no movie can take away 30 years later. anybody can decide to try and be a better person than the one they were yesterday, and that is goddamn important. to portray anything otherwise was an unfathomably cruel decision, on sony’s part, and as soon as we got trailer evidence that they were leaning into his more “intimidating” features back in ~dec. 2021, i.. pretty much Knew it was what they were gonna be doing with him. why wouldn’t they? i mean. who actually even cares about this obscure nobody, right? c-listers are the tried-and-true adaptational chameleons, anyways; they sure suckered in dumbasses like me, who still took blind hope in hook line and sinker, thinking he’d be important to the film, or at the very least portrayed sympathetically to his 30 years of established comic history as a character who is consciously aware that he is an adult survivor of fucking child abuse. but. c’est la fucking vie, i guess.
#talking tag#atsv#spider-man 2099#i predicted All Of This and i am SO TIRED OF BEING RIGHT THAT I WANT TO THROW MYSELF IN2 THE SUN ABT IT :))))#i WANTED to be wrong. /CHRIST/ i wanted to be wrong so goddamn bad#articulation isnt at its peak rn. how do i even- /bridge/ the breadth of this gap. wwoof man like. just.#i just. did yall think i started writing the dissection fic with extreme violation + dehumanization themes Just Outta Nowhere?? y/k???#y’KNOW. haha. i am Intimately Aware firsthand with how years of it without reprieve shapes a brain over time. and. writing helps.#hhahaha. lord. id just go back 2 how i was Raised if i wanted 2 Constantly Hear so many ppl talkin abt how much they want evry Like-Me dead#(not-- not. not Like That. not in the nasty-ass too-online Way or whatever disgusting Assumptions that could Imply. im just a basket case.)#chroist.#not even . not even getting into the whole ‘also comic sm2099 is canonically staunchly anti-cop yet movieboy is weirdly fashy’ Thing.#i already Have a migraine im NOT getting into that right now#(holding back tears) wwelp looks like these next Seven Years Of Terrible Public Perception r gonna b long and suck so bad :))#ok goodbye again now im going back to frolicking morosely in the Fields . be safe drink some water be kind to urself and others. mwah.
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i love doodling swapinverse like hello drawing characters aside from the normal mtt is lowkey therapeutic 🧡🧡🧡 anyways i FINALLY FINALLY finished crash's lore!!!! and vice.SER is connected to him,,,, theyre interconnected!!! i forgot how much i liked crash's design (not the design but all the little gimmicks in the design. figuring out all the hanging ribbon bits is annoying but hey it looks good)
#outertale does not exist in swapinverse anymore. how quaint#dude thalia and melpomene are th only ones that r like. 100% good#I NEED TO MAKE MORE GOOD AND NICE CHARACTERS😭😭😭😭#mst..... recreators (qip name 4 siphon n crash?) and vice.SER........ theyre all EVIL (or have evil goals)#i WAS thinking doing something with reaper because i adore his design and aesthetic and i wanna combine it with SOMETHING idk what#anyways if core frisk error which is supposed to be vice.SER exists then should normal core frisk exist too?????#i mean i dont think that just because a core frisk role esque person exists doesnt mean the role is instantly filled up#the mst and mtt co exist in swapinverse but those 3 are like.... NORMAL aus. not outcodss n stuff#i love the giant lance thing i gave crash. i mean the ribbons can form any weapon and take any shape (kinda like puella magi mami's guns)#but like..... it just is so cool i love characters that use multiple weapons#i LOVE (haha) every single little gimmick thing i give swapinverse characters. the tiny details is what i adore giving them#if you catch me not posting 4 a bit its probably just bc im working on swapinverse or jk fashion au. or maybe ive seriously just lost motiva#anyways i have a few banger rants in my drafts ive yet to elaborate om but just like....... i dont feel like it#someon needs to wrangle those posts out of my tired lazy arms#lowkey why do siphon and crash remind me of kanade and mafuyu. idk i cant explain#if you cut vice.ser in half it would be like jelly with binary in it. i wanna eat him#he would tingle on my tongue but thats just the static. eating yhe glasses would be difficult bit they dont have lenses so its ok#i drew them both looking at us but i think that vice.ser is the only true one always looking at US.looking out from inside#god i love swapinverse sooo much i wish i could get it done faster and be goatedly good with motivation. a shame#but i do think that i may be finishing up the character descriptions 500% ish sure#SO THEN THAT MEANS I CAN WORK ON THE ACTUAL STORY!!!! WOOOOO#ive already decided that theres gonna be mentions of me myself and i in it. i love meta storytelling#im cursed with perpetually sweaty hands i hate having to draw on slighty damp paper. nobody understands me#UGH im getting too happy in life im starting to act weird in public and offering to help people. i need to stop#anyways just school doodles!!! because in the period where they take our phones i have naught to do but draw#i need to get back (start) my english reading. and then help my friend with a few questions on her homework. how joyous#and then i can get back to my BETTER homework (working on swapinverse :3)#crash managed to destroy outertale in his lore i wonder how many worlds vice.SER will destroy#actually if hes supposed to be core frisk error then i should make him NOT destroy worlds right???? right#tricule rant
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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"Maybe i'll post the wip here idk" i have no restraint and honestly do like how it looks so far SO Mikan drawing wip before i pass out :3 rbs off solely bc its a wip and . Idk actually i just dont want my wip getting rb'd atm lol but feel free to comment if you'd like :3
(also pls dont make weird comments about Mikan here i hc her as a minor)
#blaire.txt#my art#my daughter (?) she has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces#obviously a wip i havent added everything and just Do Not look at the hand#but. Idk i think its fun! I also havent drawn her yet so fun practice!#Again i havent touched dr in ages this is purely a drawing born from me just kinning her really hard and thinking she'd be fun to draw#also i no longer have a solid gender hc for her shes literally just every gender except cis to me now#no matter what she's trans okay ?#she is canonically sapphic/m-spec though so thats fun :3 i Hate the implied ship so much but. Hey sapphic Mikan is canon#I also really like she/they/he mikan personally but idk i still dont have a solid hc LMFAO#i do think i want to do my mikan rewrite au where i simply give her the writing she DESERVED one day but for now. I draw her#OK BYE IM TIRED LMFAO#danganronpa#Oh god shes being maintagged pls be kind to me dr fans#I need to maintag for people who dont want to see dr to filter it
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i hope all scarecrow x riddler fans get blown up forever and ever amen
#i also hope they learn how to TAG THEIR FUCKING STUPID SHIT#i have every variation of their ship name tagged and yet im still being forced to see it#im so tired of it they hardly interact and their personalities clash so bad (not in an interesting or fun way)#the ship is entirely rooted in fanmade content. zero actually substance in canon#and that says a lot considering its fucking dc like you have nearly a hundred years worth of comics games and movies and shows.#and somehow theres next to no canon basis for this wack ass ship BECAUSE ITS FUCKING STUPID#i have never hated smth as much as i do this. an ongoing hatred for 10 years now.#ok whatever anyway i just had to get this outta my system#captain's log
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hnnnggggg
#i wish there was an end to figuring out how to be a person and a friend and a leader#and i wish there was a point where i could stop circling back and unearthing layer 47 of the lies i have believed about myself and the world#im ok really just on month 8 of being in situations where i am wrestling with my personality and strengths and weaknesses#and trying to figure out how to love well in the world as myself and not reject the person God made me#and yet also not fail to see where and how i can grow because i think i cant change#and just now im seeing some ways ive failed to do all that well in the last few weeks and im disappointed in myself and im exhausted#and i know i need to once more pull it togwther and seek growth and change#but all i want is to just exist with someone without having to stare in the face all the ways i need to grow#im just so tired.
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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Hmm. I didn't want to do this, but after receiving a lot of harassment here and on Ao3 I'm debating abandoning ACOHAS. It is just... not fun to go there and expect negativity all the time about THAT ONE THING so my internet experience would be much better by simply stopping with that one fic BUT it also is the fic of my heart and I have so many arcs I want to complete, so I have really mixed feelings on it :(
#most of the ire is over just that fanfic and not others because people arent capable of understanding that charaters can *gasp* have growth#and that *gasp* just because you write them thinking something doesnt mean their POV is correct actually#like tamlin is very much of a rhysand like mentality right now. 'what i did was bad BUT it was necessary'#and he still has a long journey though his mental health and healing is better. but SOME PEOPLE dont get that#ive hinted at it before but a major plot point of the ending is him groveling at feyres feet. and uh something else he he he#he ruined my ship and its cathartic for me to watch him grovel OK???#but he still has a journey to GET there#same thing with nesta! and lucien! they need to have their own individual journey. ad i'll miss sanara and kya and cassie#but i just dont know if i can do it anymore#so i might abanon it BUT write like a summary of the second half of the fanfic because i feel so bad for my readers#which is the main reason why i havent abandoned it yet#but im just tired#bookish rambles
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