#but in my defense im SO tired but i dont even know why

[reel-fear]

Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:

The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]

3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.

4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]

5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]

Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]

At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]

6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.

7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.

He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]

8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!

So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.

Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?

So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.

I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.

The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.

anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.

As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.

Also the books, the books slap.

[bmpmp3]

and you will listen to my halfway unmixed vocal synth covers. you will. my final message (dies in your arms)

all the virvox guys in voicevox humming! yume no tobira piano ver vsqx by leah ocarina and the instrumental is by 友紀!

[janaelalfysloml]

open arms - jana el alfy x reader

warnings : angst a lil , idk what else , not rly proofread

summary : you missed one of janas games due to your plans.

a/n : this is short but ive been wanting to write so yeah

——————————————————————————

today was game day for jana & her team. “do you know if you’re going to be able to come tonight? ill get you really good tickets!” jana asked you as she rolled over to your side of the bed. “well, i dont really know. i have a midterm tonight at 6pm, so ill see if i can make it. no guarantees though.” you told her as you finger-coiled the last strand of hair.

it was already 7:32 when you finished your midterm for one of your classes. janas game ended at 8pm, but you were exhausted. you were wondering if you should go, or go home and rest. eventually you went home and texted jana that you wouldn’t be able to make it, knowing she wouldn’t see it but just sending it incase she was wondering where you were.

you were in the kitchen when jana had walked into the apartment. “hey how was the game?” you asked her with a soft smile on your face. “it was alright. i noticed you didn’t come, again.” jana said, not trying to make eye contact with you. “im really tired jana im sorry. the exam took everything out of me.” you replied, trying to break the tension between you too. jana didn’t respond, instead she placed her things down and walked to the room and shut the door behind her.

“why are you mad? i would’ve went if I didn’t have this test.” you said as you opened the door to the room, and stood in the doorway. “im just frustrated because you’ve missed my last 3 games in a row. and i understand that you were busy today, but— i dont even know.” she said, she didn’t want to finish the sentence because she didn’t even know why she was mad. you were busy today, but the last two games you weren’t. instead you ditched her games for some plans you made months in advance, in your defense.

you sat and processed what she just said. you sat on the bed as you spoke back to her. “im sorry jana i really am but i had plans that you knew about for months in advance! when I made the plans I didn’t know your schedule.” you told her, trying to fix the situation. “ it’s fine, trust me babe.” jana replied in a comforting tone. she know you probably thought she was mad at you or something but she wasn’t at all. “im sorry again, do u wanna just watch our movies?” you replied back to jana. you and her had a little playlist of movies that you guys watched together, and now they’re your guys favorite movies.

you guys ended up just watching some of each others favorite movies & cuddling with each other. “i love you, so much.” you told jana as you yawned, obviously tired, but wanting to stay up just to absorb this moment with her.

——————————————————————————

a/n: hey uh idk im bored and wanted to write so yeah!!

[sakashq]

▮ make it to the morning. / pedri gonzalez x black!reader

ᝰ word count: ≈800

ᝰ summary: you and your boyfriend get into an argument, but he doesn’t take you seriously.

ᝰ yap!: umm dont hate me for this one! and yes this is based off of “make it to the morning” by pnd, im OBSESSEDDD. dedicated to pedri’s gf @planetpedri &&. my loves @ar4ujos , @halfwayhearted , @szalovebot !

Your boyfriend Pedri was driving while you sat in the front seat. You had already had a bad day at work, and all while you were telling him this, he got distracted by his phone.

“Are you fucking serious?” You frustratedly chuckled, looking over at him.

His eyes stopped on you briefly before looking back at the road, pulling into the neighborhood of his house. “What?” He glanced at his phone again, then looked back up.

“I’m trying to talk to you and you’re fucking texting and driving, trying to get us both killed.” It almost sounded like you were joking, the way your tone was playful, laced with the slightest bit of anger and annoyance.

“I’m just… asking Gavi about the plans for tomorrow. I’m sorry, babe, keep talking,” Pedri responded, this time looking over at you for longer and setting his phone down. He kept his gaze on the street though, driving through slowly.

You raised a brow, asking, “What plans?”

The dark haired man stayed silent, his eyes now locked on what was in front of him.

“Hello? I’m speaking,” you snapped a finger in front of his face, waiting for his answer.

“Me, Gavi, and some of the guys wanna go out tomorrow,” he shrugged, answering nonchalantly.

You had to stop yourself from snapping at him, instead saying, “So instead of listening to me tell you about my day you were texting your friends about plans I didn’t even know about. ‘Kay, Pedri.”

“I was gonna tell you,” Pedri immediately replied, a defensive sound in his voice.

“Bullshit,” you rolled your eyes, looking away from him and out of your window.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. As he pulled into the driveway, he said, “Y/n. Y/n, talk to me.”

You didn’t respond, getting out of the car immediately, grabbing your stuff and bringing it up to the door. You fiddled with the key trying to unlock the door, as a frustrated Pedri walked up to you.

“Hello? I’m speaking,” he retorted, a pit of anger piling up in his stomach. “I don’t get why you’re mad at me.”

Again, dodging him, you unlocked the door and walked into the house. You didn’t even bother to grab your keys afterwards, making him do it. You set your bags down on the kitchen counter and headed upstairs into his bedroom to sit down.

He knew where you were, following you up there after he locked the front door and set his stuff down. “Babe,” he tried again as he walked into the bedroom. He sat himself next to you, apologizing. “Baby, I’m sorry. Tell me what I did.”

You scoffed at first, but when you saw the upset look in his eyes, you decided to just answer him. “I was trying to fucking talk to you and you were ignoring me.”

“I was trying to get me and Gavi’s plans straight,” he defended himself. “I was still listening. Dios mío, llevas las cosas tan lejos.” He mumbled that last part under his breath, hoping you didn’t hear him.

You eyed him, knowing you didn’t fully understand what he was saying, but could grasp some parts of it. “Excuse you? Speak up.”

“Can you just save this for the morning? I’m tired, babe,” He groaned.

That set you off—who did he think he was trying to push off a problem he caused? “Fine. Bye, Pedro.” You got up from the bed, walking out of the room and downstairs.

“Wait, no, Y/n,” his voice sounded from behind you. “I don’t wanna fight, please.”

You ignored him, your face burning with anger. You began grabbing your stuff off of the counter, along with your keys Pedri had set next to the items.

“Y/n,” he gently grabbed your wrist, nearly forcing you to turn around.

“What?” You shouted at him, turning around to see… a ring?

He looked at you, really looked at you for the first time that night. He couldn’t help but smile, seeing your reaction. “This was the plan.”

“A promise ring?” Suddenly your anger died down, being replaced with a sense of adoration.

“We obviously can’t get married yet, but I want you to be the one when we get to that point. I wanted this to be a bigger surprise obviously, but I didn’t want you going home mad at me,” he spoke softly, no longer having a grasp of your wrist. “It’s only you, Y/n. It’ll only ever be you. I want you to promise that it’ll only be me.”

You hugged him before you could say anything, wrapping your arms around his neck. With your face nuzzled into him, you mumbled, “I love you forever. I promise.”

[poopingonthefloor]

Davesport is Toxic NOT abusive

(((WARNING: PRETTY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT.))) I've seen some people making the claims that Davesport is comship/proship (ok well i've more seen people bitching about it) and im tired of the Davesport slander so this will be an analysis of their relationship. My motive isn't to force anyone to ship it or anything- i really dont care what you do with your life, my frustration is just when people try to make up REASONS why they don't like the ship, even though its literally canon (and not badly written). My main point is -- You can hate what you want. You don't need a reason, and it doesn't need to be bad just because you don't like it. But I will not take any slander on their ship nor any slander of people who like davesport. Davesport is absolutely toxic-- No DSAF fan would disagree. They are literally child murderers with little to no souls and literally are physically disfigured to the point they don't have the capacity to feel proper humanity anymore. You cant expect 2 men who live their lives willingly murdering and then partying in vegas to celebrate on repeat to be gentle and kind to themselves or anyone else.

However, its NOT abusive. I've seen multiple people (mostly from twitter screenshots) claim that Davesport is abusive or the way people portray it is in a fetishy or romanticizing way of abuse, when that's just not the case. I don't blame a lot of people, since a lot of it comes from reading context and intent of the artist, which not everyone is good at-- BUT I'm here to assure you that MOST people don't intend to do that much and just like to portray how their dynamic is canonically like or portray Daves obsession with Jack. Another argument I've seen (by a twitter screenshot...) is that people are comshipping Davesport because people draw Jack annoyed a lot at Dave when...thats not true? That's just Jack's personality, first off:

(From the Dave x Reader fanfic by Directdoggo)

"Jack is a bastardman not very touchy-feely. We can see this in many scenes, where Dave more or less says “I love you” and Jack responds with deflecting humour, or outright scorn. When Dave says it for the final time, this time, Jack tries to say it back, but can’t outright, only getting out: “Why is this so hard?” and “I hope you can find peace with what you’ve done.” Which Dave understood the meaning of. (Hey, better than Henry (LEGACY Jack) hearing “I love you” and proceeding to tear Dave limb from limb, huh?"

(Directdoggo describing Jack's personality)

I know it can be a little confusing to some people, but as someone who struggles with similar issues, just because he struggles to express intimately doesn't mean he can't love anything. Sometimes people are just different and communicating like that doesn't come as easily, even to the people you're closest to. To make it as easy as possible to comprehend-- He's quite literally a tsundere. (Minus the exaggerated ridiculousness in anime) He loves Dave, he just cant bring himself to say or act like it. The dismissiveness or rudeness in response to Dave's affection is not abuse, it's just a defensive response since he doesn't know how to say it back. (His way of being "shy") -- Also note its important that Dave UNDERSTANDS this about him by that point.

However Jack isn't the only thing I've seen regarding the claims that their ship is abusive-- and to debunk all of those I'm going to explain the three points that keep Davesport from being abusive, and I'll use Henry x Dave (which is what I'll call it to prevent it getting confused for FNAF willry) as an example alongside it since its super obvious why that one is messed up. Firstly, They are both bad people. By this point, Dave and Jack are murderers. It's just not surprising that they will be willing to kill each other at at least some point, considering they are willing to kill 5 year olds without remorse- and they'll both deserve it. It's only their own faults that they teamed up with the other, and it's meant to be the ultimate irony when Jack becomes even worse than Dave by "An ending". My point is- they're bad people. It's not like they're owed perfect company or would choose wholesome people to hang out with when they're literally both child murderers. Dave wasn't evil and didn't want to kill by the time he teamed up with Henry (and even after it was Henry's fault), so by that point his suffering was absolutely undeserved.

Secondly, They're lacking any specific power dynamic. Unlike Henry and Dave- whom have several levels of "Age, Father figure, and Employer", the most important one is that Henry is Dave's abuser. He manipulated him and purposefully harmed him both mentally and physically, whereas Dave never had any intention of doing either because Dave loved him and didn't want to lose him (because he had nobody else) This obviously much different with Dave and Jack, whom other than being taller and several years older than (which you can argue their 6 year age gap is weird but they didnt get to know each other till they were both older than 30 so by that point age difference doesnt rlly matter and (also theyre "mentally" like 24 and 22 canonically anyways (as much as I usually hate that argument)) Other then that they are only co-workers. This is a bit more arguable during DSAF 1, where Dave comes across more threatening and comes across like he's manipulating Jack, but I don't exactly count that because I wouldn't say theyre "shippable" or in their "situationship*" by that point (but also because them even being a ship was barely considered by the creator at that point obviously)-- whereas Dave is certainly more easily recognized as sincere to Jack in DSAF 2. Jack also is not someone who is afraid to defend himself against Dave, as shown by the fact he's willing to call out Dave's ridiculous behaviors (which is reasonable of him to do).

(Also from the Dave x reader fanfic) (I just think this specific screenshot debunks any sort of "power dynamic" claim)

My Third and Final point: There is a CHOICE involved I haven't really done much Dave defense in this post, but his defense is very simple: He is literally physically unable to comprehend guilt or conscience. Dave didn't want to murder anyone in the first place, but it was Henry who fucked with his (literal) head so much to the point he stopped being able to feel guilt. He doesn't care about murder and doing wrong because he CAN'T care. You can't really let that reflect Dave as a character when he's really not in control of himself in the first place. Now with that, that doesn't change the fact he could certainly affect and hurt people, and it's fully up to Jack as to whether or not he wants to deal with this purple man's freakish life choices and hobbies or not. And that's honestly super dependent on the ending you decide to base Jack on. Most people see the 'canon' endings to be: Gnarly ending (DSAF 1) -> An ending (DSAF 2) -> Good ending (DSAF 3) Where in all of these, Jack DOES choose to deal with Dave and basically is completely cool with murder. You don't have to follow those endings if you don't want to, but that's just typically what the modern "Davesport" is known for, but its what I'm using for my defense (considering this is a defense of both fandom and canon Davesport.) Though as opposed with Henry and Dave- Dave had no choice. Henry only ever manipulated him into thinking he did, and Henry made sure to feed this whole 'we will be a family' ideal into Dave (who never had one) so that Dave would be terrified to lose him. Jack never manipulates Dave (when teamed up with him), and Dave never manipulates Jack (tho arguable in DSAF 1 as well). They stay with each other despite all of their issues, and I believe its due to some co-dependency (imo I think Jack is also obsessed with Dave just in a different way before DSAF 3) Which isn't healthy, but not...inherently abusive.

I believe my main three points kind of cover the most of why I dont consider Davesport to be inherently a bad ship, but like I said- if you don't like it, none of that matters anyways. You dont NEED a reason to like something, and I wont try to convince you why you should ship something because I like it. Just don't hate it just because of what someone else says-- 90% of the dsaf fandom aren't comshippers, and Davesport isn't gross or "toxic /neg" just because it's not healthy. I think "Don't fetishize/romanticize literal abuse like its normal or sexy" and "We should explore more complicated and unhealthy dynamics" can and SHOULD coincide with each other!!!! I think Davesport is great because of how bittersweet it is that these two people finally found solace and acceptance in each other but couldn't get past the self-sabotaging nature of what Henry turned them both into, ultimately making it impossible to work out forever. I think embracing the Davesport makes the (kind of aged) trilogy a lot more enjoyable of an experience and I DO encourage any davesport skeptics to keep an open mind. [Pretend I wrapped this up super nicely I can never do that--- Also this is open for conversation and/or debate, and also yada yada my bad if i said something randomly terrible I have extremely poor social skills lol let me know so I dont do it again yada yada] *Also if anyone doesnt know a situationship is (at least in the context im using it in ive heard other definitions for it but its not a real word so i actually dont care) when 2(or more) people basically treat eachother like lovers but they never communicate this outright and dont technically officially date but like they treat and commit to eachother like a partner would) (So its kind of what all those people who playfully flirt and call each other their spouses as a commited running joke are in)

[im-probably-playing-genshin]

“why isnt there a straight pride month??!?!?!?!?!?! 😢😢😢”

if you can name me one country where it is, or ever has been illegal to be straight than sure we can have a straight pride month

there is still 63 countries (globally for all of this) where it is illegal for two men to date.

there is still 40 where it is illegal for two women to date.

there is still 12 where a death penalty is a possibility against people in same sex relationships. TWELVE. At least half of which have actually implemented this law.

there is 14 countries with laws against cross-dressing and gender identity.

Theres this too.

(info found here and here)

Honestly, its disgusting how people twice or more of my age are so tone deaf to these things. We are still not equal, and the fact that kids know this better than a lot of adults do is sad.

“well why dont we have veterans mont-“ May is veterans month. If you ACTUALLY gave a single SHIT about veterans you would know this. You are only using this point to justify your homophobia.

Im honestly just sick and tired of all these points. If all it was, was people saying they didn’t support my community, i could really care less. But even small counts of homophobia can accumulate to stuff on this scale. Conservatives always get so angry when you get mad at their homophobia. “It’s just my opinion!!1!11!” They tell me, but they’re opinions and stances on other peoples rights also affect the views of other voters, of other political stances. Even then, were allowed to be defensive on our identities, just as they think they’re allowed to be defensive on their opinions on us. Ive been called slurs as jokes. By straight, cis people. Actual slurs. And im legally a child. Isnt that just fucking disgusting? Theyre all “protect the kids!” Until the kid is queer.

Were constantly being reminded about how there will always be someone in the world that hated us for just existing. Sure, we’re getting closer to equality. But closer doesn’t mean we’re there. If we stop speaking up, none of these numbers will get any lower.

SOME LGBT DONATION CENTRES:

UNITE FOR CHANGE

LL

GSA NETWORK

PRIDE FOUNDATION

AND MORE HERE!!

[restrainedhungr]

im gonna be 100% with yall for a hot second, mind the tags

So tbh, i kind of have been avoiding the dash here because recently more and more themes that make me extremely uncomfortable i thought i wouldnt have to deal with here are showing up :')

i havent gone a single day on this dash without incest or some other shit come up on my dash and im. honestly kinda tired of it like :')

Trauma dump time

i was sexually abused by my brother, i was taught by him that being sexual means people love you I was effectively an underage prostitute for half of my childhood life.

Starting at 9 years old. And not having an out until i was 17/18 when i was finally given psychiatric help Even then i went through a lot of abuse and cycles as majority of my life was being sexually abused it was hard to break from that cycle or know how to function without it

Please for the love of fuck, DO NOT. PORTRAY THESE TOPICS AS GOOD AROUND ME

I will not police people wanting to write topics, but there are ways to approach topics like this in good and bad lights, and you have to make a clear boundary between that. You have to make it clear you, the writer, is not accepting and ok with these themes, or writing porn to rub one off to and enable predators

A major part of being abused was online, and people pointed to those who wrote underage and incestual fiction as "see? its ok because its pretend" until it broke down my defenses and they abused me IRL. This happens. I'm a result of it I'm really fucked up mentally because of it

i still have issues with sex and intimacy and arguably can go through periods of hypersexuality or shit because my brain is so hardfucking wired its taken years of lucifer damned therapy to get to a point i can be in a healthy relationship with my GF rn.

and im honestly so fucking tired. imi so tired of seeing this everywherre but i want to be here on tumblr and be silly but honestly im spiraling and just getting high to ignore everything lmao. I know it's not a good coping mechanism but that's why I've been so silent and only been on discord. I've been getting high and playing pokemon while reading fanfics of Vi and Caitlyn cuz they're cute and wonderful.

so yeah. please

for the love of fuck

keep it off public eyes at the very least, if not DONT FUCKING DO IT.

and yes, people can call out how "oh but you RP in greek gods and hades!!" yes. BECAUSE WE ALL. RECOGNIZE. THE INCEST AND SHITI THERE. ISNT OK. NO ONE IS PORTRAYING THE INCESTUAL RELAITONSHIPS (to my knowdge) AS A GOOD THTING. AND I STILL DONT APPROVE OF PPL WHO DO THERE EITHER.

There's something to say with Fauxincest, but I'm not going to touch that with a 10 foot fucking pole, especially with my brother having not been blood related (both adopted before 2 years old) and raised together. Not to mention i dont want to talk about the differences in Mommy and Daddy kinks vs incest because yes there is a difference and anyone in kink can tell you THERE IS A DIFFERERNCE.

I'm not here to give you a lecture on what kink is vs a paraphilia, look up what paraphilias are and educate yourself because it's a serious issue that you need addressed if you have one. as someone who ppl tried to groom into them, please for the love of fuck, understand how serious it is and how much of a difference kink can have with paraphilias

so if yall wondering why ive been gone, this is why. im just tired man. im so fucking tired of this BEING EVERYWHERE.

every single fucking fandom has this issue and i cant keep. coming back to this.

i cant be safe when "safe places" are safe for people who used the same tactics to abuse me as a child and throws me back there. I won't be part of the cycle again.

[cupoftaae]

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

-

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

-

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

--

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

-

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

[mugzymiik]

my tpc headcanons bc why not :D

SOME CHARS I DONT HAVE TOO MANY FOR (IF I HAVE ANY FOR THEM AT ALL) :sob::sob::sob:

[last updated: January 24, 2025]

main chars:

caretakers:

Cube:

trans FtM

has a pretty good tolerance to the cold. all cubes do (in my headcanons anyway) but his is especially great

back when he and Lythorus started dating he tried to rest his head on top of Lythorus's as a way of affection and he proceeded to get stabbed by the spike

Iris:

has a really deep voice. but at the same time he somehow also sounds like a really tired teenager who works retail

Pentellow:

has a british accent

also knows a frightening amount of very unsettling fun facts

shes the tallest out of the non-monster caretakers (so herself, Iris and Cube). why? fuck you. fuck you is why /HEVJ/VSILLY

Pyrare:

he has pockets in his robe and its like a "time-out area" for Gold (but sometimes Gold chills in there anyways)

he named Barracuda and Gold after his pet fish. like, genuinely. with how big monsters are, barracudas could practically be goldfish and actually goldfish could be like guppies or something to them

has multiple medical degrees. yes, stacked on top of each other.

heroes:

Cyan:

likes to follow people around!!! and also doesnt like being left alone for long periods of time

he and Cyanide somehow get confused for each other a lot???? literally nobody knows how but it very much happens

Orange:

Tsavorite and him are each other's impulse control. ofc its mostly Orange whos keeping Tsavorite from walking straight into a landmine (/j ofc) but they keep each other out of trouble (most of the time at least)

if bored enough, he can and will find ways to fit into places that will have everyone wonder "HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET IN THERE- HOW DO WE GET HIM OUT???" and he somehow manages to squeeze out flawlessly every time. he has never gotten truly stuck

will drink straight mayo (<- stolen headcanon (hi Tea /SILLY))

im self projecting kind of when i say he got asthma

more of a "this is how i draw them" but his bandana ends kinda look like bunny ears

Tsavorite:

genderfluid and uses any pronouns. :3c he? yes! they? yes! she? yes! literally any neopronoun(s)? HELL YEAH!!!

constantly compares Orange to an actual orange (teasingly ofc)

very alert, but "backwards". like. he'll be able to notice a cool beetle from 5 feet away but wouldnt be able to tell you where Orange headed off to despite being right next to him just a few seconds ago

shows affection thru hugs and pokes. basically just. physical touch!!! but if he cant be physically affectionate they will just give random ass gifts :D

knows a lot abt physical weapons to the point where its honestly a littol unnerving because hOW DOES HE KNOW ABT ALL THIS-

can hold intense eye contact for extended periods of time without blinking (and has intimidated multiple people with it on complete accident)

HATES the snow. and all the other Heroes tease them (/aff) abt it ever since they all found out bc "we thought you loved EVERYTHING"

does NOT care for formalities. like. at all. like say if he met a "King Guy" he wouldnt say "King Guy" hed just say "Guy"

he has been caught eating weeds from the front lawn on multiple occasions

REALLY doesnt like mayo. its literally the ONLY thing they wont eat and if he even SEES it she straightup gags

Gold:

trans FtM

tall. tall fuck. everyones confused asf bc hes not physically related to Pyrare so he couldnt get those kinda """genes""" but hes still REALLY fuckin tall (when matured ofc)

VERY SNAKE-LIKE!!! he can hiss. he has fangs. and hes more sensitive to chilly weather and the cold than most other shapes

back when he was saying Literally Nothing he WOULD speak occasionally but in only one word sentences. those single words were unintentionally very vaguely threatening 9 times outta 10

↓

i know its literally not possible in any way BUT that fluff on his jacket? whenever he's angry/frightened/defensive/whatevertf, that fluff poofs up like a cobra's hood

his bandana used to be around his neck like Cyan's, but it was moved to his leg a little while after he was birthed because his leg got hurt. anyways yeah the bandana was the only thing that could potentially be used at the moment so it was moved to his leg by Pyrare as a makeshift bandage or smth. and afterwards he just kept it there, it was fucking w his sensory issues anyway </3 that leg is a little more fragile because of the past injury

allergic to tomatoes i am Not selfprojecting i swear /j

Cyanide:

has multiple songs pirated on herself. i do not take criticism/j

tall for an unmatured hero :3c

whenever she's trying to "hide something", she uses very detailed language,,for example, if she did something like sneaking out or smth she'd say "greetings" instead of just "hi" or "hello"

"lags" more whenever its hot out

being ANYWHERE around her at ANY point in time is a BIG fuckin risk because she can play Never Gonna Give You Up/Whistle/that stickbug gif on herself on command /SILLY

sometimes she gets so angry that she starts yelling and her filter kicks in BUT she is so angry that it gets kinda fucky and. instead of her yelling. funky town or smth like that will just start playing at full volume and in microwave quality

groups:

chipzel:

Purpex:

i dont have any for her as of rn D:

Marcle:

really likes chicken nuggets. its really random but she LOVES chicken nuggets

Squadril:

is CONSTANTLY called short by Purpex and Marcle + everybody in all the other groups (teasingly ofc)

bossfight:

Cintagon:

Round <3

is absolutely dating Circumsphere

bisexual and also polyamorous :D if he was given the choice between getting his dead wife back or staying with Circumsphere he would choose both with ZERO hesitation

Circumsphere:

i dont have any rn :[

danimal cannon:

Quintagon:

very strong for a pentagon (once when she n Hexagram were younger she hit him and he had a big ass bruise for a few days)

Hexagram:

has a very bad obsession with vikings, which is why his corrupt form has a "viking"-ish look

Polyhedron:

i got none rn :<

big giant circles:

Circumuscle:

doesnt swear very often so when he does its a shock to everyone/lhj

a big softie!!! only to those he deeply cares abt though

he has to be gentle whenever he hugs someone bc hes gonna break someones back someday if he isnt😭🙏

Rincle:

IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF CIRCUMUSCLE SWEARING-WISE if she is given a single chance to say Fuck she WILL absolutely take it with zero hesitation at all/lhj

Spheer:

they and Circumuscle have an "older brother + younger sibling" dynamic

has a british accent as well

Cirtunda:

i dont got any for her either D:

other:

Lythorus:

very distractible

aquatic flower (explained further in the world-wise "shape related" section)

has a VERY bad fear of insects

hes 6ft. and he and Cube have a running joke with this using his name as a measurement. something's exactly 12ft tall? its 2 Lythoruses tall actually/j/lhj

Heli:

nonbinary!!! and uses he/she/they pronouns :D

he and Ketches r like,,partners. take that in any way possible

has the ability to form a body beneath her, buuuut she prefers to fly

a sweetheart through and through. but when/if they do decide to get silly and start teasing people sometimes he accidentally takes it way too far

Ketches:

absolutely has a "pirate" accent r u kidding me/lhj

also has the ability to form a body like Heli

is an uncle figure to Gold

can honk. not like a duck i mean like a boat. "WOOAOAOAOAORRRR" <- that kinda honk

corrupts:

Dub:

he can purr. i dont take criticism sorry /lhj

he and Barracuda were gay as FUCK i will DIE on this hill istg

took guitar classes before he and Cuda went pinksauced

left a seat in the tower's "main room" just in memory of Barracuda. little does he actually know--/lhj

Barracuda:

is actually a ghost rn!! after Dub escaped from the seal he just roams around the tower and also occasionally chills next to Dub (even if Dub cant see him at all + has no idea he's even there)

Cubic:

bitch

he and Lycanthropy have BEEF for some godforesaken reason

Ajaceare:

idk rn D:

George:

his spikes are different from other flowers'; most flower's spikes are pretty sharp, but his never sharpened from childhood, and thus are a little "dull-ended"

Hexacrigon:

idk for her either rn

Cintagram:

manipulative as FUCK. the only person he hasnt ever lied to is Circumcannon

speaking of which. he and Circumcannon still kiss <3

Circumcannon:

no ideas,,again

Hexadic:

same as all the others😭

Lycanthropy:

the only thing keeping he and Cubic from fistfighting each other every time they see each other is that they both know that 1) Dub WILL somehow find out and WILL get their asses and 2) Cubic is strong enough to actually kill Lycanthropy if they fight too hard. and Cubic doesnt wanna fling himself into boiling hot water (not literally ofc) + Lycanthropy doesnt wanna die to THIS bitch's hand

a lot of the other corrupted flowers see him as a "general"/"commander" due to Lythorus being leader of the (uncorrupted at least) flowers

should NOT be trusted with any kind of powertools ever

he can go fuckin insane on the drums

Circubit:

pretty close friends with Macabre

would absolutely dj in his spare time

world-wise hcs:

shape related:

spheres are the speediest out of all the shapes

cubes have a natural resistance to the cold

some flowers have the ability to live entirely underwater, its kinda like a "subtype" for them; theyre often referred to as "aquatic flowers"

flowers have fangs :3c chompers even!!!

spheres are the most likely out of any other shape "species" to be able to grow hair

flowers are naturally tall as shit!!!

flowers' spikes arent as "sharp" when theyre young- they "sharpen up" quite a bit as they get older, though

adding onto the last one, aquatic flowers' spikes are a little more on the duller side

other/unrelated to anything else:

some shapes dont have a "combat ability"

all of the group members of a certain area have meetups sometimes, and occasionally ALL of the groups meet up as a whole (pretty rare considering the size of Paradise, but it still happens at times!)

all the heroes have an odd obsession with going in and out of windows instead of doors. there could be an open door right next to a window and any one of them would still open the window and go right out of it

after Dub is defeated, every year on the anniversary of that day the Heroes get in a circle and chant "its not over til its over" to each other for exactly an hour straight. the caretakers were VERY worried initially, and debated calling an exorcist or something- but theyve grown used to it after like the first 3 years. but it still scares the shit out of anybody else who's unfortunate enough to witness it

in terms of the Trees creating the Heroes, creating and birthing are two different things. initially, the Tree creates the Hero BUT they aren't immediately taken out of the Tree– instead, theyre in a kitten-like state for like a week and then they lose that state afterwards. and a week after that they are FINALLY taken out of the Tree by their caretaker

[your-magloving-satinwhistle]

After today's convos I think I made my choice.

Im dating Arthur and BFFing with Aoi. I love then both a lot, and I want in my heart of hearts to say "Aoi and I are gonna Mag together forever", but first of all I don't want to break up with her ever... and I messed up a dialogue cuz I misread a question and she quickly left after that. It felt terrible and Im like "I would rather not exist if I disappoint you again in a relationship", but that's part of the problem. I put her too high on the pedestal cuz she's Mag and she's cute. Our personalities are similar enough that I dont think we had a bad conversation until now (omfg that hurts), and talking to her is like talking to the me I'd love to be... but then I feel like I'm objectifying her and that has its own problems. .... Yeaaaah, no I'm not doing that to her.

Arthur is different enough to me that he's grounding... or... I feel like we (Arthur and Flo... who is kinda me. Before i was speaking as Me) could be anchors to each other. Keep us tethered to reality. Also, because I'm not biased towards him I don't feel like I have to be perfect all the time or that he is perfect all the time... .... I think I'm trying to say that he I feel normal around him and it makes me feel secure. It's comforting. Granted I also feel bad when I mess up with him but it's not the end of the world. I'm gonna process, reflect, breathe and be confident that I can go back and we can recover instead of doom spiral and never show my face again.

Eleanor I like a lot, but she's in a similar boat as Aoi in the "Ah shit, I hate having a bad interaction with her" but it's not as severe. It's more like... "I love talking to you, but I feel bad because I keep missing your point". Given time I think I can understand her better (AuDHD be damned, I'll get there! I'll be on the same page one day!), but until then I need to understand her mind better so she doesnt keep ending conversations in distress.

Quincy? ... Yeah Im not gonna date him. Saw a lil spoiler that made me feel terrible with the idea of breaking up with him and it made me take a step back and look at how I feel about him. Now I could be messy (and maybe Flo will be messy cuz why not?), but then I thought "As much as I am overjoyed to have a black love interest with long locs (like me), has at least some Jamaican in him (I'm half Jamaican/Haitian, American born and raised), is a Sagittarius (he's December Sag and I'm November Sag), not as dreary as Arthur can be but still more grounded and I like his humor and honesty.... I hate the favors. I'll give in cuz I want to know more about him and I like talking to him, but it's approaching pet peeve territory and this recent conversation made me realize that it's part of his world-view. Now, could I commit and push through his conditions to see if he'd open up to me unconditionally? Yeah... but as a non-confrontational people pleaser I know the process would chew me up and spit me out while I feel bad for even daring to challenge the mindset that he most likely developed to survive in a world that could destroy you for a weakness. Tis not healthy.

Now Lettie surprises me. I'm not great when it comes to people who are more harsh with their no-nonsense and her interest in religion was a bit of a turn off. What gets me is that when we talk, I'm uncomfortable but because I dont want to blow her off I engage with her and accidentally find myself getting along with her. It was awkward at first, but then... I understand her views the most out of all the Hex. Aside from Aoi. She's the me I'd be if I dropped the smile I use to survive irl and didn't let my shortcomings rule me.

Now Amir... Amir is cute but he's just like me but actually good and videogames and technology and I hate it. He's the oddball with ADHD and insecurities, a love for games and funky jokes when surrounded by tired and defensive veterans who would rather fucking not and I see him and I'm like. "Hello brother... Tell me about your games cuz literally no one else takes about games. Let's game! Let's go nuts! Let's go buckwild!" I say I hate him but I don't, I just hate the idea of dating him cuz it'll be like dating me or my brother. Brother energy. Eugh... I miss my brother. This made no sense and I know that, but idk how to make this make sense.

... So yeah those are my feelings as I understand them so far. As lovely as it would be to date and romance everyone, or date Aoi and just go Mag all the way... I have to go with what feels best. And right now I feel best with Arthur.

[pinyeti]

overwhelming day today here's the debrief

I have two humongous final projects both worth half my grade due on Wednesday and im losing my mind AND I HAVE A PAPER DUE TOMORROW MORNING AT 8AM AND I HAV.E AMIDTERM TOMORROW AT 3.30Pn, my groups suck for both projects and THEY JUST

MY GOD

I DONT MIND DOING ALL THW WORK EXCEPT IM GENUINELY SO FUCKIN TIRED OF DOING ALL THE FUCKIN WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND IM SO SICK OF IT AND IM SO FUCKIN SICK OF IT IM SO FUCIN TIRED OF DOING THIS ALL THE FUCKIN TIME

and I just

I have this friend who im kinda close too but she's curt with me sometimes and we are kinda rude to each other as a joke but she just

she's rude to me sometimes on purpose and I dont know why and I just feel like she hates me and won't tell me why and I JUST I do love her and it bothers me ig and Ive had alot of issues with this friend and every time I try to solve anything

yeah

and I am having a huge body image attack which isn't that deep but whatever and my brother wlel

he's got every mental illness on the planet and makes my life a living hell I get being mentally ill makes life difficult for you but YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO SEE THEM AS MORE THAN EXPLANATIONS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR RATHER THAN A FUCKIN EXCUSE?? IM NOT EXCUSING YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT ME T

pk

okay and then

today was another friends birthday and she was so

we made a whole birthday surprise thing for her and I went to alot of effort to do it and she just I invited her boyfriend and one of her other friend and she sprent the whole time talking to them and making it awkward for everyone else and I

she was like send pictures? and it just bothered me cuz she went out of her way to make it look like she hated them and if thats so then ill just not invite her to things??? cuz wth I do like my friends and this is really fuckin inconsiderate and we had karaoke but there was an issue with the mic and she was just

being really weird about ti and I felt kinda disrespected and she really doesnt fuckin care

and im so sick of this and

its like she just tolerates them for pictures and it was weird and idk

maybe I dont like her as much as I thought and maybe im the problem cuz I really tried to make it special for her and she just

she was just not having it and I tried so hard and I wish I didnt cuz I felt so stupid for caring about mics cuz when she left the rest of us were singing nd it wasn't awkward and clean up was fun even

and the thing with happened with the friend that was curt with me earlier she just we found out a guy we knew was spreading rumors about her sexuality ( his friend group did this to me first) so I asked her about it and she said yea that guy confessed to her and she told him she didnt like him like that but also that her and my other friend fought cuz this guy was being weird and I was BUSY BABYSITITNG MY FUCKIN GROUP AT THE TIME AND WE COULDNT PROPERLY TALK ABOUT IT so I called her when I got home and she got so weird and defensive about it like I was crazy and I just

I hate when she does this and I hate that I care about her more than she cares about me

in fact I know this is toxic as fuck and caring isnt measured on scales

bUT I HAVE THIS PROBLEM

I DO

I CARE TOO FUCKIN MUCH AND I WISH I COULD STOP AND I WISH I COULD EAT MY BRAIN UP CUZ IM SO SICK OF CARING OHMYGOD I WISH I COULD JSUT END MY FUC

OH AND

IM DOING 2 MURALS RIGHT

BUT MY IPAD CRASH LEFT ONE OHUGE FUCKIN MURAL GONE FOREVER

AND I DONT HAVE THE 720CM VERSION OF IT AND I HAVENT TOLD THEM YET AND

AND I HATE MY ART AND

I am president of a club and WE GOT OUR FUCKIN BUDGET REJECTED SO IM OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR NO REASON AND IM SO SICK

I need a break

I need a break

[idkimdyingitsnotaphase]

mini food for thought

so i cant sleep havent been able to sleep for two days so heres a mini rant about velvet goldmine. Because when your gay and depressed talk about velvet goldmine. The thing I never understood was why curt and Brian started fighting. Then it stuck out to me. Hear me out. They both have egos not like seriously its obvious. Usually when bands fight its creative differences this was just that. Also the fact that Brian needs to have control. Im sorry if he's someones favorite character im not saying he cant be. This is just my point of view not facts. Anyways Brian needed control over everyone . When they say the line when brian came into our lives it was clear. He basically changed everything and everyone around him. If they didnt fit his image he ditched them . Mandy is a example , literally he used her till he decided to throw her out. I don't think it was love. He saw her in the club where they met and knew she would have connections he did see her hanging out with a group of people. Also she knew jack who was maybe i dont know popular at the time. He saw her as connection. With curt its more like lust and kind of admiration. Admiration in a way because Curt could be confident and do stuff he couldnt do like afford to scream at the crowd to shut up while he sang. Brian got booed. So admiration in that way. Curt was the one who mistook it for love in all honesty . Be real with me. He thought it was love. At thought it was for fun then he started having feelings. Since thats brians trap/charm . In which brian put up his defense walls after it became not fun and more like work . Curt decided to leave since he was tired of Brians power trip. They were on equal footing then all of sudden Brians tries to control curt in which curt wont let him. Since Curt as more of a sense of person. Brian hides behind a persona even when he is still trying to get his footing and I think their fight reminded him of this. Mandy and Brians divorce was something of the start. Honestly I feel bad for her. She was just a girl who was supportive of everything he did. She wasn't a bad person by any means. She did anything brian said. He wanted popularity .So did she. Everyone screwed her over basically. Jack wasn't effected much by brian as brian was effect by jack tbh. Since Jack floated above it all. Arthur our main narrator. I feel like he was effected in a fan way. Like imagine the person you look up to is a bad person (not hard to do) Oh and you hear that from your other favorite idol. How great is that. I know he didnt directly say that but its implied. Brian I feel like was a victim to nobody but himself. He didnt have a sense of self he hid behind tommy stone, brian slade or maxwell demon its like he had no sense of self to begin with. I dont hate him since i know what its like to be self destructive it effects everyone around you. Diagnosis Brian is a narcissist listen im not a phycologist and this is a fictional character so Im not saying he has all the traits. Not saying this is offical im not the creator of the movie. im a dumb 20 year old. This was for fun. Yes this has been my direct analysis on Brian slade.

[lilislegacy]

How do you feel when people send you asks asking for you opinion and then when you give your opinion they reblog or comment about how they disagree? I dont accept asks because I know this would drive me insane. If you ASK someone for their opinion dont then make them feel bad for being wrong yk?

i suppose it depends. if they’re nice about it, its completely their right.

and honestly, it’s probably good for me in the long run. maybe 😂. i grew up with older siblings, and as much as i love them, they would gang up on me a lot, and verbally attack me and blame me for things (as big siblings do) and i would always get really really defensive. this happened with toxic friends who were super condensing towards me as well. so then as i got older, i got tired of getting attacked and then being told “geez no need to get so defensive” so eventually i just began shutting down. which then led to panic attacks. i don’t take hate very well, so don’t ask me why i have a social media account LOL. but basically, when this happens, or when anyone disagrees with me and posts about it, i get pretty insecure. i feel the immediate need to delete the post. i get super anxious and uncomfortable. which isn’t good, but i can’t help it. but i don’t get mad at them, because no one is doing anything wrong! it’s perfectly okay to disagree with someone, even if you asked for their opinion. as long as people are nice and respectful, that’s all that matters. and if i get insecure or upset about that, which i usually do, that’s a ME problem, not them. i hold myself accountable, and have to work on not letting it get to me so much. i’m working on it lol, and im doing my best.

[hollowporcelain]

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ughhh i hate eating dinner with our family... dad and myself make fair critisicsms about our brother once (he does not need 3 plates and a bowl for one fucking meal) and she (our mother) gets all arsey with us both? i continued to eat in silence (even though i feel so shitty i've barely left my bed all day and id much rather just not eat at all) and as soon as i finished shes all up my ass because i didnt eat the chips? "*sigh* [porcelain] those chips are completely plain..." in an all gloomy and disappointed tone, and as soon as i try to back myself up? its suddenly "dont get defensive with me" ??? i dont have to eat every single damn thing on my fucking plate? she knows damn well that we have a lot of problems with food, shes fucking lucky i even ate more than half of that shitty meal. so i give up, take a sip of my drink and pet the cat because he was next to my chair. and what do i get in response? "[porcelain] just leave, you aren't helping." like okay? IM sorry i was trying to be polite and wait for everyone else to finish before leaving quietly? like she fucking raised me to do? sure, dad tried to defend me but she just shoots him down immediately? and yet she fucking defends our brother for something far more ridiculous than just not eating a few chips?

its like this EVERY. FUCKING. NIGHT. some nights when our brother asks how everyones day was, she just jumps down our throat and tells him that we "dont want to talk right now" ??? FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON??? im so sick and fucking tired of fighting all the fucking time and yes, i understand that she is under extreme levels of stress all thr fucking time but she does not have to take it out on ourself and our dad? and even if she does why is our brother always left out and given the best treatment from her?

i could go on and on and on about this disugsting fucking relationship with her but im not going to.

[swearingcactus]

i have GOT to know the story behind the nibbles fic

oh boy, the nibbles fic is not as happy as it sounds :') it features what i imagine is the canon events after dont fear the reaper for lil V. the fic basically follows him while people around him are poking him about Mikoshi and what happened, while he goes 'cant talk rn, my cat ran off, im busy trying to find my cat, stop asking me about what happened and if i'm fine, i need to find MY CAT.' important to note she ran off because he did this:

He jumped when he heard a loud, angry yowl. V propped himself up with his elbows, by reflex, looking at the direction of the noise. It was Nibbles, staring at him disapprovingly, pawing at her bowl. It’s empty. “Fuck,” V says, voice completely wrecked. He cleared his throat, sniffled and got out of bed. He cringed as his feet hit the cold tiles and pinpricks traveled to his thighs, “Sorry, Nibbs.” He walked over to where he keeps her canned food– nothing. Right, he asked Misty to feed Nibbles when he was at Vik’s. She must’ve used it all up. V sighed and took his barely-eaten burrito, puts it gently on her bowl, “I’ll get you your tuna and NiCola tomorrow morning, okay?” He goes back to the bed, plops himself down, facing his apartment instead of the cubicle’s wall. He watches as Nibbles sniffs the food experimentally. She looked up at him, and with direct eye contact, swatted the entire food bowl. It tosses upwards, throwing the burrito to the floor along with its bits. “Nibbles!” V scolded her, pushing himself up to sit, “Why would you–” Nibbles let out an annoyed mrow, it was obvious why she had done what she did. V groans, drags his hands down his face. “You are so spoiled. What would you do if I’m not around? Who’re you gonna get to pour you tuna and NiCola, huh?” Someone had. Nibbles had been completely fine without him before he took her in. And it was supposed to be a joke, a little accusing jab, but his tone hadn’t been light at all, and for some reason he continued with, “Yeah you’d be just fine without me, wouldn’t you? Like it doesn’t even fucking matter the things I’ve done, the things we’ve been through, like it doesn’t mean jackshit that I’d be the one here, still fucking dying–” his voice cracked and V is sick and tired of crying so he stands up instead, throws his pillow violently behind him. He stomps towards the burrito, puts the mess back onto the bowl, tosses it so hard it clangs angrily on the floor tiles. Nibbles went into a defensive position, hissed and ran off to hide somewhere. “You don’t wanna eat that? FINE! SEE IF I CARE! Starve–” he yelled out angrily before he realized what he’s doing and what he’s saying. V takes a short breath in, swallowing thickly. He hung his head in guilt, “Fuck.” he whispers, the fight leaving him instantly, and he’s back to feeling sore and tired.

yeah, lil v's not so happy in this one, he's hardly happy ever since mikoshi honestly, and now suddenly it's everyone's problem :') ty for asking!

[loser-jpg]

guess who came up with an entire new thought out story idea bc they were listening to music then info dumped to their friend only for the friend to tell them that coming up with that much detail in like an hour is not normal :D.

anyway heres idea:

so its set before normal tech basically renaissance era but not really bc i dont feel like drawing fancy dresses

so the main character (guy 1) is like the heir to this noble family and bc of that a lot of ppl want to kill him, so this one prestigious college (not really bc characters are like 22-28) has a good security system so he decides to go there and he has a girlfriend there but the girlfriend he notices is always paying attention to this one guy who never talks to ppl much (guy 2)

so guy 1 hates him obvi but recently the main guard of the security system retires so the security goes to shit and one night guy 1 is walking when this girl shows up behind him and trys to kill him but then guy 2 shows up and just fucking bashes the girls head in. like she didnt have a second to do anything before shes bleeding out on the ground.

so guy 1 and guy 2 are just staring at eachother in shock as guy 2 is absolutely covered in blood and then runs away like "oh shit i fucked up" but guy 1 is standing there w 3 things going through his head "oh fuck that was kinda hot", "i could so use this/him (for evil schemes >:3)", and just insane obsession cuz this guy just shows up outa nowhere and kills someone for him no hesitation.

so for a while after this guy 2 is freaking out because if someone tells he doesnt think hes going to get out of it even for self defense because the girls family had donated a ton of money to the school and he thinks guy 1 hates him so hes like "well im fucked" but through this time guy 1 is silently being nice to him. everyone else still thinks they hate eachother. also the school finds the body so ppl are on edge bc they dont know what happened

eventually they end up alone and guy 2 confronts him and is like "i thought you hated me?" "i did" "so why didnt you tell anyone" "you saved me, why would i tell anyone? though im suprised you didnt say anything yourself" "i knew her, she sat next to me in class, her family was well respected at school. if i said anything no one would believe me. her name was anne." "Forenich. Her family spent the past few months donating money to the school. her grades were disastrous and her familys reputation was even worse. the only reason her family did a thing was probably to get her in the school long enough to try to kill me." "and why that? what if it was just a spur of the moment thing?" "unlikely, i happened to look at her file, she handed the paperwork to drop out just a week ago, and to do this right as the head guard resigned?" "how did you even see her file?" "a family name goes a long way here" "huh?" "...you have no clue who you go to school with do you. I am the HEIR to the *insert family name here*. I am the MOST important person at this school. I deal with assasination attempts on a typical tuesday. And seeing as this school has become unfit to protect me, and you have no hesitation to kill for me im going to offer you a position, for my permanent time at this school or until it becomes safe for me to live here again, you will be my personal guard. of course your studies will come first as i cant be protected by someone incompetent."

and so guy 2 is just like "WHAT JUST HAPPENED MAN" but isnt complaining cuz if some hot guys gonna be ordering him to be around him he aint gonna complain.

the majority of the story is just going to be guy 2 liking guy 1 thinking guy 1 doesnt know but guy 1 knowing and also liking guy 2 but slightly more insanely obsessed. guy 1 is way more cunning and manipulative than guy 2 and guy 2 is kinda just along for the ride ready to kill if guy 1 says to.

i only have like one actual plot point/arc but its gonna take more time to write out and my fingers are tired of typing so ill write it later.