#i have tried to be nice to myself and to tell myself if i need to cry that i should

[fuck-customers]

i love when the resident kitchen idiot that everyone hates, who everyone has been complaining about for months, who kept getting bumped between sections because he wouldn’t do the work expected of him, who only still had a job at all because we didn’t have a body to replace him with, decides to come in at 9:30a for a brunch shift drunk enough that people can smell it on him and gets fired before he can punch in.

it was our last shift before a four day weekend for thanksgiving, you couldn’t give it an extra 4-5h?

the hilarious thing is that we’ve been in a temp chef shuffle since he got hired and every. single. one of them. has immediately fucking despised this guy. the first chef (who hired both me and the kitchen idiot) had probably the lowest standards of quality for our style of venue and would put up with a lot more bullshit than was definitely reasonable but left to go start his own restaurant. then it was our sous chef (who had been hired shortly before me) who would baby him through everything like he’s helping a pre-k’er figure out his letters and left to get his trade journeyman’s—leaving me as the person with the longest tenure in this kitchen and foisting the idiot onto me as his “trainer.”

thing is, i do not have the patience to train someone who refuses to be trained. if i can tell at a glance that it’s not simple misunderstanding due to language barrier, but malicious willful ignorance, i’m not gonna be fucking nice anymore. i’m gonna start actually calling out the bullshit that everyone else had been dancing around for two months prior and the more i have to repeat myself the less happy i’m gonna be and the more aware of it i’m going to make you.

the temps who came in after the sous left agreed with me btw. which included first chef’s boss and another temp. idiot got himself fired less than a week in to our new permanent chef’s tenure and even HE came to me in private to ask if there was anything he could do to get the guy to give a fuck, and i just told him “there’s nothing you could say to him that nobody else already tried” which he sympathized with.

i shouldn’t have to tell you every time you slice meat that you need to wipe down, sanitize, AND reassemble the slicer AND sweep the floor under around the station afterwards as part of completing the task. i shouldn’t have to tell you every time you plate desserts that the point of the toothpick is to keep the plastic wrap OFF the cakes, so it’s not peeling up the frosting/glaze, so that it’s presentable for the customer, and thus punching a hole through the wrap to spear the toothpick through and press the wrap flush to the cake is completely counterinfuckingtuitive. i shouldn’t have to tell you every time you use the food processor that you 1. need to mix all of your ingredients in a separate bowl BEFORE trying to blend them, and 2. need to make sure the blade is in position BEFORE dumping in a bunch of shit that’s going to gum up the works otherwise. i shouldn’t have to reiterate to you and have you repeat back to me three times in quick succession that you only need to follow up to a certain step in the recipe with only a certain collection of ingredients, almost literally draw you a fucking diagram, and then turn around to find you’ve fucked it up so badly it’s clear you didn’t even look at the recipe at all and just the ingredients list (despite having made this recipe before) and have simply proceeded to waste an hour of everybody’s time and the better part of a week’s worth of product—and then fuck it up AGAIN somehow when told to redo it, so that i, AS USUAL, have to waste prep time coming back through behind you to make sure we actually have any usable fucking product.

it got to the point where he was literally turning to me and the girl who still works cold line with me and asking why we weren’t doing the tasks we (as his superiors in the section) kept assigning to him, or at least the part of the task that comprises like 80% of what needs done, and he outright told the latest temp chef that he doesn’t like being expected to do what’s asked of him when he got confronted about it. if not for the fact he got himself fired i would’ve had full clearance to tell him the next time he asked some dumb shit like that “because it’s your job, and if you’re not gonna do the work you’re being asked to do, you can clock out and go home, because otherwise why the fuck is anyone paying you to be here?”

oh well! good riddance to bad rubbish. love it when the trash lets the door hit it on the way to taking itself out.

the funniest thing was when he tried to come back in today, the first day after that four-day holiday, like he expected to still have a job. bro you came in drunk before 10am lmao you don’t have a job anymore you just have a fucking problem. and i have one less! goodbye, i wish you a very harsh wake-up call and a hearty go fuck yourself! get better soon, far the hell away from me ❤️

Posted by admin Rodney

[littlefankingdom]

Kind of frustrating how many posts there are criticizing Bruce's parenting in Batgirl (2000), while Barbara is getting barely a slap on the wrist for her parenting.

The thing about Barbara and Bruce in Batgirl (2000) is that they both do something bad that is projecting yourself on your kid (no, Bruce doesn't see Cassandra as a weapon, stop saying that shit), however only Bruce is getting call out for this by y'all, and I think there's two reasons why:

Bruce is so easy to criticize. Everything he had ever done has been criticized to hell and back. Damn, he is criticized if he dares parent his kids and tells them no or something (literally read a fic where he was painted as the bad guy by the batfam, the writer and the reader for... saying no to another dog Damian decided to adopt without telling him) Somehow, he is always in the wrong with y'all. Even when he is nice or right it's "well, actually..."

The way Barbara is doing it is very normalized in western societies. Bruce isn't projecting something we are used to, he is projecting his crusade and how he dealt with his pain by kicking criminals' asses. Barbara is projecting ideas about womanhood and life that a lot of mothers do, but that doesn't mean it's not wrong.

"What is Barbara projecting on Cassandra?" Her sexuality and her interests. She wants Cassandra to go flirt and date boys, to dress more sexy, to love reading, even tho Cass doesn't want to. She forces Cassandra into situation she is very uncomfortable in (being viewed by men as sexy) because she enjoys it herself and misses it. There is NOTHING wrong with that last bit, but projecting it on Cass and ignoring it until Cass has a breakdown, that's not okay. (Cass keeps communicating she isn't comfortable in the bikini, and it's only when Cass runs away from the situation that Barbara accepts that Cass is uncomfortable) Cass tries to force herself to be more like Barbara to please Barbara, she puts on her suit and goes out, but she is so uncomfortable. Tim's comment about her body, and the heels, she can't. And then, there is the library scene, where Barbara yells and insults Cass for not knowing how to read. It is more difficult, as older as you get, to learn a new language. It is easier if you already speak multiple, but if you have never spoken ANY language before, and you just learned to understand one NOT EVEN A YEAR AGO, learning how to read is going to be hard. It is so ableist and unacceptable for Barbara to call Cass "stupid" for not knowing how to read. It doesn't matter if Cass hasn't been training enough, she literally should have helped and not let her do it alone (in the cases of children who, like Cass, didn't learn a language as a child because of their environment, they only improve with love and care in their teaching. If you give them a book and tell them to learn on their own, they will not succeed. Reading is a concept taught to you, not in you, and they need to learn it from another human.) And the reasons why Barbara gets so frustrated are just that, reasons, not excuses.

I'm going to be sincere, the reason why I'm criticizing Barbara is because I had a mother like this. I'm asexual and afab, and I was forced into uncomfortable situation because "girls are supposed to like flirting with boys". My mother got really frustrated after a couple of years because I never had a boyfriend, and that wasn't "normal". She would force me to see myself in a sexual way, to attract boys, because that's what "a normal teenage girl wants". And that was nightmarish for me. But also, my mother is a big reader, and I'm not for multiple reasons. My mother would often diminish my intellect because I don't read novels, and especially not as much, like her. Reading a lot was associated with intellect in our home, and it was extremely harmful to my self-esteem. They are different kind of intelligence, people aren't stupid if they don't read a lot. That's the classicism talking, because it was literally badly seen for working class folks to read not so long ago and so, only the rich did so only the rich were smart. And having an education, which I have, is not the same as being a reader.

This is also probably why I have seen queer afab folks identify with Cassandra, because we experienced the "you should be flirting with boys" pressure when you don't want to.

The other thing is that, not only is Barbara projecting herself on Cassandra, she is also living through her, which is bad. That's something you can hear a lot about for children stars, where their career and success is for mommy, who cannot be a star anymore. Barbara wants Cassandra to date boys and "have fun" because she thinks she can anymore because she's disabled.

And I'm sure a lot of y'all don't understand what is wrong with what Barbara is doing. But it is forcing amatonormativity and her sexuality on Cassandra, it is ableist, it is forcing Cassandra into uncomfortable situation because she would have enjoyed them. Cassandra doesn't want to wear a bikini, it's not ok for Barbara to force Cassandra to wear a bikini because SHE enjoys it.

In no way I'm trying to say that Barbara is a bad parent. What I'm saying is more that y'all are very hard on Bruce when both him and Barbara are doing the same thing. They both fuck up and learn to do better, because they love Cassandra. They are both wrong about Cassandra, but also right sometimes (example: Bruce is right about letting Cassandra fights because that's what she wants to do. Barbara is against it and she is shown she is wrong multiple times) Y'all are calling Bruce a bad parent to Cassandra in Batgirl (2000) and not Barbara because he's forcing on her his bad copying mechanism of sacrifcing your life to save others, and she is forcing on her amatonormative sexist and ableist norms of our western societies.

[forbebeandjam]

New Year Love | Bada Lee x Fem Reader | fluff

Summary: the young and famous dancer decided to have a new life with you by her side.

Word count: 1.3k

Fluff and some angst (just a little bit)

A/N: sorry I didn’t post this sooner. I had been trying to get my life together before I have to go back to work. I usually have to make sure what I’m writing isn’t rushed but anyway! Hope you like this 🤍

~

"Get the fuck out of my house! All you do is cause trouble anyway," Your mom said as she threw your things out of the house.

The reason behind her actions began when you decided to join a dance studio to learn dance. That had always been your dream. However, you couldn't afford it. You were only eighteen years old and you had gotten fired from your job.

It's not like it was your fault. You were trying to balance your studies, two jobs, and taking care of your little sister. Your parents lived off you and you hated it, but you loved your sister so you put up with it.

Until you had enough. You told your mom how tired you were of having to choose between, work, school, and your sister. You told her you wanted to go to school and dance and she... she laughed.

You didn't expect more from her and then she threw you out of the house. With nowhere to go and teary eyes, you picked up your things, shoved them in your bag, and walked to your school.

You sat on a bench near the entrance and hugged your body tightly. December 31st never felt so lonely and cold as that night. Then you felt someone sit next to you.

You froze in terror thinking it was probably a creepy man or a guy from school that came to mess with you when a light turned on. Then you saw her face and you were too shocked to say anything.

"What brings you here?" She said as she sniffled and dusted the snow off her coat. You furrowed your brows in confusion. Bada. Lee Bada was talking to you. The same girl who was in your class for years but never acknowledged you. The girl who everyone praised for being on TV several times because of her amazing choreographies.

"Cat got your tongue? Come on Y/N. You're usually so talkative around Dami. Why not with me?" She said with a small chuckle. Then you caught a glimpse of her eyes. Red and puffy. She had been crying and she just needed someone to talk to.

"Well, I guess this isn't the perfect place to spend New Year's but, it's better than the place I used to call home," she shrugged and hugged yourself a bit more trying to hide your coldness from her.

"Did you feel out of place too?" You asked again. You could feel droplets of sweat dripping down your forehead.

"Yeah... people rarely see me for who I am nowadays. They all focus on my future and fame. I can't have one moment to myself and when I do, I hear the whispers of people talking about how they can take advantage of my name. It's very lonely," she said and her shoulders relaxed a bit.

"Wouldn't it be nice to run away to a place where no one can mess with your peace? That's my New Year's resolution. Move away from my parents," there was a small pause after she finished her words.

"What about you, Y/N?" She said and tired to you.

"Gosh... you're freezing," she said and placed her coat around your shoulders. She zipped it up carefully and her hand graced your face. She flinched and her eyes were filled with worry.

"You're burning up. I need to get you to a hospital," she said. You could barely open your eyes but you managed to tell her you couldn't afford it.

"Don't worry about that. We need to go now. Get on," she crouched down in front of you and you weakly got in her back. She picked up your things and began walking to the street to look for a cab.

Once you were in the hospital you seemed to have lost consciousness. When you woke up it was daytime. The light of the room was shining on your eyes and you groaned. Your throat felt itchy and you had a headache.

"Happy New Year, Y/N," Bada said as she entered the room.

"Bada, what are you doing here?" You asked.

"I tried to contact your family. They cursed at me and told me you were dead to them... I'm sorry," she said as she placed food in front of you.

"If you pity me because of the rumors running around school, drop the act. I hate when people pity me. I'll manage on my own," you told her and looked away as your eyes filled with tears.

But the tall girl didn't leave. She sat next to you. You didn't dare to look at her. It was the only time someone gave you attention without having to ask for it.

"You still don't get it.." she said.

"Get what?" You asked, feeling curious about her words.

"I've always wondered why you were so distant. How can your pretty eyes can carry so much love and so much pain at the same time? How can you always be awake despite all of the things you do in a day?" She said.

"How do you-"

"I've been watching you. Ever since you transferred to this school I thought you seemed pretty cool. I wanted to be your friend so bad but you never seemed to care about anything other than your school work. After hearing the rumors about you, I knew your life was pretty difficult and I didn't want to make things harder for you so I decided to stay away from you," she paused.

You couldn't believe it. All of the things Bada just said were spinning in your head. You tried to make sense of them but you couldn't. There was no way Bada, The Bada Lee, wanted to be your friend.

"You... Why? Why did someone like you even acknowledge someone like me? People try to stay away from me because of my parents. They think I am like them. You never once thought of me as someone like that?" you asked still in disbelief.

"Never. I knew that you had a hard life and that you didn't deserve it. And I knew what your eyes were hiding. I'm sorry I didn't try to approach you and sprinkle a bit of happiness when you needed it,"

"I don't know what to say. It's gonna take time for me to heal but... I'd really love for you to stick around," you responded not looking at her eyes.

You felt a warmth around your hand realizing that it was her hand.

"I'll never leave you. Never," she said and you finally looked at her. That smile. That sweet sweet smile of hers just made it 100 times clearer. You never wanted to be away from Bada.

(A year later)

And there you were. After she finished school, you two went to live in a different city. You were both thriving with success and you moved in together. Just the two of you in your shared apartment as roommates.

It was evident that the two of you had fallen for each other but neither dared to say a thing. How could you ruin something so perfect with such a vague feeling?

So you say at the dinner table looking out of the window to see all the pretty fireworks. You leaned your head on her shoulder and she hugged you tightly.

"Happy New Year, my love," she said. You lifted your head and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Did you..."

"Call you, my love? I did. I want everything with you. I want to kiss you and hug you and help you heal. I want to give you the world and care for you. I want to spend my New Year's with you like this. So, please say yes and be mine?" She said as tears filled her eyes.

You didn't say anything but launched yourself into her arms and kissed her. Softly, then passionately.

You couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. Something so painful as that night turned into something beautiful in the course of a year and you swore that was all you needed to be happy.

You couldn't wait for a lifetime of love and happiness next to Bada.

Thank you for reading 🩵

[backseatsoldier]

"Broken", Not Stupid - 9

Pairing: alpha!Simon "Ghost" Riley x unsual omega!CO (13)

CW: Omegaverse; cult-like situation; dehumanization; selling children to cults

Author's Note: Check out 13's new ask blog! @ask13-cod and I do apologize if this part is rough, I promise I'm trying c':

Something soft and warm nuzzles against my cheek. It tickles so I srunch my nose and open my eyes.

Bright blue feline eyes stare back at me and I blink slowly.

Where am I? Salvation doesn't allow pets...

The cat, black fur shiny and smooth, nudges its nose against my cheek. It meows loudly and paws lightly at my shoulder.

"Selene, hush. She's trying to rest," a vaguely familiar voice calls quietly from beyond the cat.

Selene.

Simon and Selene.

Once I recognize Selene and Simon's voice I sit up and look around. The smell of bacon drifts towards me and my eyes drop back to Selene.

"Good morning," I greet her gently and scratch sleepily under her chin.

Simon appears in my doorway and sighs softly when he sees me sitting up.

"Did she wake you up? I'm sorry. She's been pawing at and meowing at you for the past twenty minutes. I tried to lock her out of the room but she nearly bit me over it," he huffs and sends Selene a half-hearted glare.

"It's alright, I don't mind," I assure him groggily. "What time is it? Did I sleep too late?"

"What do you mean 'too late'? It's barely 8 in the morning."

His eyes suggest he's confused but I begin dragging myself out of the bed-

No. No this is my nest.

The events of yesterday and last night finally return to my exhausted mind and my eyes widen.

"I don't... have to be up at a certain time every day anymore," I whisper as a smile pulls across my face.

"Well, not really, no. Are you alright, 13?" Simon shifts in my doorway, like he's uncomfortable.

I stand and stretch my arms over my head, still smiling.

"I can't remember the last time I slept like that," I say after a yawn and lower my hands to pet Selene. "I feel great! Are you cooking? I thought I smelled bacon."

Simon nods slowly and steps toward the direction of the kitchen.

"Yeah. Figured I'd make breakfast. Try to make you feel more comfortable," he mumbles as I step past him.

He's studying me closely as I make my way into the kitchen and snag a piece of bacon off the counter.

"Holy shit," I groan through the mouthful of bacon. "I haven't had decent bacon in actual years! Great idea, honestly."

Simon's head tilts slightly to the side, still observing me closely as he steps back up to the stove.

"You're not allergic to cheese are you? I didn't see any mention of in your information, but figured I may as well ask," he asks as he holds up a larhe block of cheese.

"Thankfully no," I assure him with a smile. After a moment of thinking, and watching him beging grating the cheese, I ask, "What all did they tell you about me? Did they just give you a massive info packet and tell you to sign on the dotted line?"

His hand slips, nearly dragging his knuckles across the cheese grater. Then he sighs and sets the block down.

"Do you want to discuss this now? Or do you want to wait until you've at least had some food?"

I frown, thinking again. Food before getting into anything to do with Salvation would probably be the best. Especially after my reaction to trying to order food last night.

"Good point," I say finally. "Tell me about you instead."

Right after I make my request, Simon's phone begins buzzing on the counter in front of me. The caller ID says "Dumbass".

"Well, that's not very nice," I tell him as he picks up the phone.

"It's affectionate. Also accurate. Alright if I answer?" Simon asks as he holds up his phone, waiting for my response.

Snagging another piece of bacon from the counter I nod.

"Don't mind me. Can even go in the other room if you need."

"No. Stay there," he says before answering, "Johnny."

I can just barely hear a deep but energetic voice on the other line.

"Yes, she's awake." He pauses. "I haven't had a chance to say anything to her yet, Johnny," he sighs. "No, she's not been up very long. I'll talk to her about it and text you her response."

With that he ends the call and starts cracking eggs into a frying pan.

"I assume 'she' is me," I start slowly then take a bite of the strip of bacon between my fingers, "so who is 'Johnny'?"

"My best mate and co-worker," Simons says without turning to me. "I planned on taking you to the shops today, get you clothes that actually fit you, and... he's wanting to go with us."

"Are you comfortable with that? Aren't you alphas supposed to be like... super territorial or something? And we're not, y'know, mated."

My line of questions and statements sound awkward. I'm not against meeting the guy, especially if he's so close to Simon. It's only natural that I'd come across the guy eventually. I just don't know that Simon, my apparent alpha, is comfortable with that.

Omegas are supposed to take that into consideration, right?

"You can say no," he says flatly, back still to me.

"I'm not against it," I frown. "I'm just... trying to be considerate of how you feel about the situation."

Simon's entire body goes still for a moment before he glances over his shoulder at me. Then he goes back to cooking.

"Stop eating bacon or you won't eat the eggs," he mumbles. "I trust Johnny with my life and more. If you want to meet him, that's fine. He's just overexcited, as per usual, and has no patience. Since you and I met not long ago, I wanted you to have say in this," he explains stiffly.

I want you to feel comfortable in the situation we put ourselves in.

Pretty sure that's what he meant, and I do appreciate it. I appreciate it a lot, actually.

"Yeah, I'm good with it," I tell him and resist the urge to pick up more bacon.

"After we eat, I'll get you fresh clothes. They'll still be mine-"

"Simon, your shoulders aren't earrings. Relax the and get them, away from your ears."

"What?" he asks, finally turning to me. But his shoulders are still pushed up and tense.

I give him a half-hearted scolding look and step closer to him. Then I reach up and rest my hands on his shoulders, pushing them down gently.

"Better?"

His eyes are wide and he seems frozen in place for a moment. But he nods.

"Yeah," he mumbles then turns back to the eggs.

He insists on making us each a plate then guides us into the sunroom to eat at the table in there.

What a strange man I've found myself tied to.

Masterlist | CoD Masterlist | Part One

Tag List: @lucienofthelakes @lostintransist @demothers-empty-blog @scaredyspooks @tessakate @one-really-annoying-tree-rat @nerdyphantomtheorist @gazsluckyhat @peanutismynickname

[evieismol]

Big Bend - Chapter Eight

Word count: 938

Cw: cursing

Previous

Easton's pov

“Hey! So, I hear we’re finally on the same planet again!” Larissa said, her familiar face appearing on my phone screen. It had been years since I’d seen the human I’d initially met when she and her friends had become stranded on Aphirial in person, but we’d kept in touch with regular video calls and text messages. 

 I laughed. “We are!”

“How are you liking Earth? And how is it being the one that’s the wrong size this time?” She asked, giving me a wry smile at the last part. 

“Well, the days are definitely a lot shorter here,” I said. “I feel like as soon as I fall asleep it’s time to get up. I guess it was the opposite for you guys - waiting for me to wake up or get back from work or whatever must have felt like it was taking forever.”

“Yeah, it was weird. At least we got to sleep in pretty much always, though, so we might have won on that front.” 

“I wish that was the case for me,” I murmured, then shook my head, forcing myself to brighten my tone. “It’s been good overall though! The people here are really nice too.” 

“That’s good! Made new friends to replace us yet?” Larissa joked. 

“As if,” I said. “Speaking of which, is Kyle around?” 

Larissa shook her head. “He got called into work today. I know, lame.”

Larissa and Kyle had become roommates when they’d returned to Earth, settling in the coastal city of Los Angeles. The third human who’d been stranded, Ruby, had also kept closely in touch with them, though her job as a travelling nurse meant that catch ups were more frequently than not over facetime. Much like ours - I hadn’t seen any of the three humans in person since they’d left Aphiria. 

“Damn. Well, tell him I said hi!” I said. 

“I will! So, what’re your coworkers like?”

 “They really are all nice. My supervisor, John, is very, like, upbeat. I swear he must live off of coffee or something. I’m pretty sure one of them is kind of terrified of me. Or dislikes me. Or maybe both, I’m not really sure, but I’ve been trying to be like, extra friendly? I mean, not that I blame him, given the whole giant thing.

Uh, I’m not the only non human working here though. One of my other coworkers - Angie, she’s cool - convinced her best friend Penelope to come work out here, and she’s a vampire.”

“A vampire, that’s neat,” Larissa said. “I haven’t actually met very many.”

“She seems pretty chill. She’s like, very extroverted. Oh, and her roommate Zoey seems cool too.” I wasn’t totally sure why I felt like I needed to sound casual mentioning Zoey, or why I was hit with the immediate urge to talk more about Zoey. Regardless, I found myself recounting Zoey and I’s first meeting, rambling about how she’d seemed remarkably unconcerned to run into a giant in the middle of the night. Surprised, but not actually scared, even once I’d let slip that I was from Aphiria.

That then turned into rambling about how cool her outfits also were - a colorful mix of crochet, tie dye, and chunky jewelry when she wasn’t at work. And then that turned into mentioning how radiant her smile was, and it was at about that time that I noticed the knowing look on Larissa's face. I faltered. 

“Uh, yeah. So she's nice. Like everyone else. They're all nice.” 

“Sounds like you might think she's a little bit nicer than everyone else?” Larissa asked teasingly. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” I was not good at playing dumb. 

“Sure,” Larissa said, drawing the word out. “I can't wait to tell Kyle and Ruby that you have a crush.” She said the last part of her sentence in a sing-songy tone. 

“I do not! Can't I just appreciate someone's fashion sense?” 

“And ‘radiant smile’?”

I felt like face palming. 

Why did I say that? 

“Objectively speaking.” I tried again. “She just has a nice smile.” 

“Uh huh. I think I got like, a sentence about everyone else there and an entire monologue about her, so you're not fooling anyone.” 

“I don't have-I'm not interested-I don't like her like that. Besides, she's-she's a human.” I stammered. 

“What, us humans aren't good enough for you?” 

"No! No, I didn't mean it like that, I fully think humans are equal to aphirials-of course-that just came out wrong." If I'd felt flustered before, it was now a thousand times worse. 

"Hm, I dunno, you said that awfully fast," Larissa teased. 

"I just meant like - I don't have a crush on her-" I ignored the look Larissa gave me and continued, "but even if I did, there'd be like...a kind of concerning power imbalance? If I did like a human, which I don't, I wouldn't want them to feel pressured into anything or something because I'm, well," I gestured at myself.

"Half the humans I meet - actually, probably more like 70% of the humans I meet, are at least a little scared of me already. And what if I told a human that I theoretically had a crush on that I felt that way and then they didn't feel the same way but felt like they couldn't say that and-and there's just a lot of potential problems there," I ended lamely. 

Larissa and I were both silent for a moment. 

"...You've put a lot of thought into the subject for someone who doesn't have a crush on a human," Larissa said finally. 

I sighed. 

Fuck.

[wheezyseeker99]

Concentrate

Warnings: pining, swearing, grinding, oral and fingering (female receiving), protected sex (fm, shocker ik)

18+, MDNI

Summary: UMich Cam is here because I started writing this during finals and I had intrusive thoughts. Didn’t finish this until tonight after the game (it’s been forever sorry y’all). It’s strangers to friends to lovers.

Happy New Year 🫶🏼

Every mindless day I sit in the library to do my assignments. Today is no different. I don’t even have classes on campus on Monday’s, but I can’t sit at home and do them. It’s too difficult to get anything done there when I’m behind on every chore. Finals are soon and I’m forcefully getting myself through these assignments one by one whether if I like it or not.

I stretch my legs out and shrug my shoulders in attempt to release tension but it doesn’t work. I don’t really talk to classmates or random people so I’ve just been stuck in this bubble all day. Granted, I should be working on this science powerpoint project, but I’m losing my mind. Science is the epitome of evil. Nobody can tell me otherwise. Sitting here with my thoughts and study material is driving me crazy. I need to yap even if it’s only for a minute.

I decide on getting a coffee downstairs at the cafe so I stand and grab my wallet before making my way to the stairs. The walk down from the third floor is always brutal, but I always take the elevator back up. Balance is key when it comes to exercise in college aka walking instead of taking the stairs only sometimes.

I step into the cafe and immediately get hit with a waft of coffee hitting my senses. I like coming in here just for that boost honestly because I already feel more awake. Then my world came crashing down in front of me.

Cute guy.

I see him sometimes on campus, and especially in this building during the week. I know he’s an athlete but I never took the time to look him up on any of the rosters. He walks around here like he owns the place like a commanding presence in every room he’s in. His ginger hair has long under his hat, and he’s wearing sweatpants with a white t-shirt. Simple yet the hottest man I’ve ever seen. He’s at the counter ordering. The older lady behind the register is charmed by him just as much as I am apparently. Whatever he said has her smiling. I get in line behind him, making sure to keep space between us. Goosebumps trail down my arms when I hear him talk

“Thank you Lora, you didn’t have to give me a discount.”

“Anything for our best defenseman,” the lady before handing off the cup to her coworker. “We’re working on your drink. Shouldn’t be more than a couple minutes.”

He flashes his beautiful smile and nods without saying another word. He turns around and looks me up and down for a solid second before walking toward the pickup counter. I feel frozen in my spot as I watch him.

“Next in line.”

I snap out of the spell he put on me and step up to the counter to order my usual seasonal drink. I mumble a thank you and sit down at an empty table facing the pickup counter. Cute guy is still standing and scrolling mindlessly on his phone. I try not to stare at him but I fail terribly. He has more scruff on his face than usual.

“Do I have something on my face?”

My jaw slackens and my eyes go wide. Well shit, I’ve been caught. My mouth opens but I can’t find any words. I clear my throat before trying to speak again.

“No, sorry. I just spaced out for a moment.”

Cute guy walks over and pulls the chair out opposite of me before taking a seat. I stiffen up almost immediately.

“It’s not the first time I’ve seen you look at me, but I’ll take your word for it,” he winks and then smiles again. “So, you come here often?”

I breathe out a laugh. He’s not only cute, but he’s funny. I’m down bad at this point and he’s barely spoken to me.

“Nice way to break the ice. I go to school here just like you.”

“I tried,” he shrugged and reached a hand out. “I’m Cam, by the way.”

“Y/n,” I say and take his hand while locking eyes with his. I try not to focus on how his hands feel but I fail drastically. They have callouses but they’re softer than I thought. We shake hands for as long as possible before our names are called from the counter.

“Well y/n, you and I are going to be best friends.”

.

A few weeks later, Cam and I are sitting in his bedroom at the hockey house. Most people on campus had just finished their finals. I’m studying for my last one that I have to take tomorrow morning in class. I can’t focus though because his roommates don’t know chill if it hit them in the face.

Before I started hanging out here I didn’t know that hockey guys are nerds. His roommates spend most of their time (outside the rink) doing their homework before turning on their gaming consoles. What’s even more hilarious is the fact that they play against each other while staying inside their respective bedrooms. They talk to each other on discord as if they aren’t across the hall from one another. They’re so loud, though. Constantly talking loud into their mics.

“Cameron I can’t focus anymore,” I whine and throw myself back on his bed.

Cam stands from his desk and moves my books to his nightstand, plugging up his and my phones to the charger before laying down next to me.

We’ve gotten more comfortable than I ever expected. I have never laid in a bed with a man that I haven’t dated, but Cam is the exception apparently. He takes off his hat and ruffles his hair. The only thought I have is ‘I want to ruffle it too’. While sitting the hat down on top of my books, he turns off the lamp that was illuminating the room. My eyes barely have time to adjust to the darkness when Cam lays down next to me, placing his arm around my middle. He tugs me into his warm, hard body. It takes me only a second to sink into him.

“Nap with me and stop being stressed out,” he whispers into my hair. “You’re going to ace that final. I know it.”

I breathe out a sigh. The feelings that I had before we officially met are still there on my end, but I can’t tell how he feels about me. He has said that he talks to me more than anyone and that he likes spending time with me. I just can’t believe that he wants me in his life in such an important way in only a few weeks. It doesn’t add up from a romantic standpoint, which is why I keep my mouth shut on the feelings part of our relationship.

“I can hear the gears turning in your head. Turn them off y/n.”

“I can’t,” I turn over and place my head on his chest. I can feel his heart beating steadily.

It feels nice to have a friend like him. One that wants me to take care of myself. It almost makes me feel bad for having romantic feelings for him. It’s the little things he does that comforts me - texting little reminders to do things I have to get done in a day, the invites to his place when I need to get out of my dorm, remembering my coffee order.

“What can I do to help?”

I can feel his warm breath on my forehead as I close my eyes. I bite my lip to stop any words from escaping. I keep my feelings close to my chest and I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have just because I’m tired of holding back. I can’t just say ‘I need you’ and elaborate without involving feelings.

“Just a nap is fine Cam.”

I don’t say anything else. Short and sweet, to the point. I shove my head deeper into his chest and breathe him in for a moment. He smells freshly showered, not like how he usually smells after getting home from the rink. He must’ve taken his time in the shower today.

“Y/n?”

Cam’s lips whisper against my forehead before he places a kiss there. I shiver at the contact. His arm tightens around me, and damn, it feels so good to be this close to him. I hum in reply, not trusting myself to open my mouth.

“You cold?” he asks while raking his fingers through my hair.

I shake my head and take deep breaths. He’s being so gentle. If anything, I feel like my body is on fire. Every touch is sending me spiraling.

“Mm okay,” he whispers unconvincingly. “You can spend the night with me if you want to. I’m not kicking you out any time soon.”

“Thank you,” I mutter back to him.

.

When I wake up, I know it’s the middle of the night. I freeze immediately when I notice the position we’re in. I’m sprawled on top of Cam in the most scandalizing way. My lower half is slotted to his and his hand is resting underneath the waistband of my leggings on my ass. Though he’s wearing thick sweatpants, I can feel his dick through them against my most sensitive area. It takes every ounce of restraint in my body to keep from grinding into him. My clit aches at the thought. I know I’m already wet from the touch I’m receiving. If anything else, I know I’m going to soak my underwear from the thoughts that pop into my head.

I keep my eyes closed and drag my hand up his body to rest next to my head on his chest. Cam lets out a curse under his breath, telling me that he’s awake too. I pretend to be asleep and riskily shuffle only slightly against him to see what would happen. His grip on my ass tightens but his touch leaves as soon as he realized where his hand was. I can’t hold back the whimper that escapes my mouth.

“Fuck y/n. This is killing me,” Cam groans. “Going to come in my pants if that happens again.”

Nope, I’m definitely dreaming. I bite down on the inside of my cheek and force myself to stay still. Right when I thought he might have fallen asleep, his hips rotate into mine. Once and then again before Cam tosses the blankets away from our bodies.

“Fuck,” Cam grunts and places a kiss on my forehead and then my cheek. “Shit baby, I’m sorry I gotta get up. Not getting off on you while you’re asleep.”

I guess I’m good at pretending I’m asleep because he lays me back onto his bed, tucking the blanket over my body while muttering a string of curses before he disappears into his bathroom. I open my eyes when he shuts the door behind him.

Not even a moment later Cam is quietly moaning and I can’t shut my eyes again. I feel like a pervert listening in to his deepest darkest secret. I hear my name and my soul nearly jumped out of my body. I reach a hand down into my underwear and feel the damage Cam has done to me. I toss my head back when my fingers reach my center. I swirl my fingers around, coating my fingers with the wetness he created. My other hand clutched the blanket and removed it from my overheating body. I slip my fingers through my slit, lightly tapping my clit as I go. My ears perk up when I hear Cam’s muffled panting on the other side of the door.

“Going to come, y/n.”

Shit. He’s going to be done soon and I’m making a mess over here on his bed. He’s going to open the door and see me like this. There’s no reasonable way to get out of explaining this to him. I feel my inner monologue start and the panic starts to settle in. My fingers stop working themselves and I slip my hand out of my underwear. My fingers are clearly still coated, but I’m not paying any attention to that.

Just say you were having a dream that made you horny? No that’s stupid.

Be honest with him? At this hour? I’d rather die.

“Y/n?”

My gaze snaps to the door where Cam stood. The bathroom light is still on so I can see that he’s standing there holding his shirt in his hand, looking at me with an expression I’ve never seen him make before.

“Yeah Cam?”

“How much of that did you hear?”

“I didn’t hear anything,” I lie. “I’m going to the bathroom now that you’re out.”

I jump out of the bed and attempt to slip past him into the bathroom, but Cam’s hand clutches my wrist. He lifts it up in front of his face and my knees threaten to buckle. I see his nostrils flare as I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Do you want to lie to me again, y/n?”

I shake my head. His icy blue eyes bore into me.

“You don’t really need to use the bathroom. Do you?”

I shake my head again and advert my gaze away from him.

“Well fuck. I didn’t expect to have this conversation at,” he looks over at his clock, “2:43 in the morning.”

“I’m sorry. I can go home-“ I stutter out but Cam cuts me off.

“You’re not going anywhere. We’re not leaving this room any time soon,” he states. My back connects to the door frame in attempt of keeping me on my feet. Cam isn’t far and his proximity makes my body buzz. He steps in closer, caging me in as he stares down at me.

I allow myself 3 seconds to imagine a life where I had a version of Cam that’s mine. What a glorious life that would be. He releases my wrist and presses his bare chest into my covered body.

Cam tilts my head up. His gaze drops to my mouth, lingering for a moment. Then he leans in closer. I feel his breath against my lips.

I’ve never wanted anything more than this.

His lips are on mine, kissing me slowly. My entire soul is captured in this kiss. I whimper against his lips when he kisses me deeper. Like he wants to take his time but at the same time he can’t get enough. My knees buckle completely at the worst time. Cam’s hands grip my hips and drive me closer into him before I can hit the floor.

When his lips tear from mine his chest is heaving. I’m completely unable to think even slightly. My head is so dizzy.

“Finally,” Cam breathes against my lips before capturing them again.

I’m lost completely in him.

Before I realize what’s happening, I’m being dragged back to the bed. I ignore the swelling in my chest while I tangle my fingers in the hair along his nape. I can’t stop myself from touching him no matter how hard I try. And grinding into him isn’t enough.

I need more.

Cam seems like he needs more too. He desperately pulls at my shirt as his lips leave mine and make their way down my jaw. I whine out his name and he finally disconnects from my body. The warmth leaves my body, making me whimper at the loss of contact.

My eyes flutter open to see Cam standing over me breathing hard. His hair is wild from where I tugged at it and his sweatpants are terrible at hiding his arousal. And God, his chest is incredible. Pale with freckles scattered everywhere, and just the right amount of chest hair. I stop perusing his body to force myself to meet his gaze.

His eyebrows are scrunched together. I reach up and drag my fingers across the creases to flatten them. Cam gently kisses my palm before I can move my hand away. Yeah, my heart is going to explode in my chest.

“We’re doing this?”

His voice is rough and it’s quite frankly the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. I swallow and finally open my mouth.

“I need you Cam.”

Fingers take a hold on my shirt, dragging it up my body. I anticipate that everything is going to change after this, but I’ve lost the ability to care right now.

Cam is doing these things to you willingly, y/n. Shut up.

I bring my focus back to him when he finally removes my shirt and fumbles with my bralette until it’s removed. His beautiful eyes widen for a moment before he brings his mouth to my chest.

My legs open further for Cam and he slots between them perfectly, pressing further into me. We moan out at the same time once his mouth meets my nipple. His tongue flicks the sensitive peaks and my back arches off the bed. I need more.

I bring my hand up and grasp the back of Cam’s head. I tug his lips away from my body and capture them with mine. His hands don’t stop moving though. I feel his hand go inside my waistband. His calloused fingers meet my core and he tugs his lips away from mine again.

“Tell me what you did when I was in the bathroom y/n.”

Cam’s fingers circle my aching clit and slide through the wetness. His eyes search mine.

“I was awake before you went in there,” I breathed out. “I pretended to be asleep.”

He smirks before driving two fingers into me.

“I did this to you? Made you this wet with just listening to me? You’re fucking soaked.”

I nod and whimper in reply.

“Help me out y/n,” he demands. “Take off your pants. Want to keep my fingers inside you.”

I obey, lifting my hips and drag the fabric of my leggings and underwear. Cam’s other hand clutches the fabric and throws it behind him, leaving me completely bare in front of him.

“Fuck y/n.”

Cam’s fingers move inside me before he lowers his mouth to my clit. He slowly flicks his tongue against me, flattening it to taste my center. He’s taking his time, yet I desperately need him to go faster. My hands fly to his hair in need of holding onto something.

“Please Cam,” I gasp. “Need you inside me.”

“Watch me eat your pretty pussy,” he says between licks. “I’ve dreamed about doing this, and I’m not stopping yet. Lie there and take it.”

My hips buck involuntarily. I feel the pressure building inside me, like I’m about to explode any second. My grip on his hair doesn’t lessen. If anything, I clutch it tighter.

Cam eats me like it’s his last meal. Sucking and licking every part of me. I’m writhing while he explores me. He’s grinding against my leg and I’m shocking he’s torturing himself this long. I never expected Cam to turn into an animal. My thighs attempt to clench around his head, but he shoves them open and sucks harder on my swollen bud. I see stars, moaning and groaning his name over and over until I feel on the brink of what I believe is my death.

“Don’t stop Cam,” I pant out. I barely recognize my own voice at this point. It sounds so raw, I’ll be shocked if his teammates don’t tease us about this in the morning.

“So fucking sweet,” he slurs against my flesh before sliding two fingers into my entrance. I’m clenching around them instantly and I want more. He jacks his fingers into me until I’m shaking. He reached the end of my fuse and I explode against him. He sucks greedily at my clit and continues lapping my core.

This is the most turned on I’ve ever been in my entire life. I’m still dazed when Cam rolls on a condom. I didn’t even notice him taking off his pants. I’m so out of it. When he looks at me laid out before him, he looks more tenderly than he had before we fell to his bed. My thighs spread, inviting him back in. I need him more than I need to breathe right now.

“You’re incredible,” Cam says. He leans down and captures my lips while he positions himself at my entrance. When he takes his lips away from mine the look on his face is determined. Determined to do what is the question. Cam grasps my face and slides his thickened cock into me.

“This changes everything about our friendship. Do you understand?” Cam moans into my ear while sinking deeper into me, “this isn’t just fucking, y/n. This is me wanting to be with you.”

I nod and pull him further into me. My hands push him into me and urge him to move.

“Please,” I beg.

Cam takes the opportunity to pin me down and give it to me. His hips match mine in an ungodly rhythm, the tempo not ceasing. This makes me feel like I’m in heaven and I don’t want it to stop. Ever.

“Fuck baby. I’m sorry I’m being rough,” he grits out.

“No please” I gasp and clench around him, “feel how much I like it?”

Cam nips at my throat and brings his hand up to my throat. He squeezes gently.

“You like it rough? Yeah beautiful?”

I moan out because no words come to mind. I grind myself into him, letting my body take everything he gives to me. Cam lets go of my throat and digs his face into my neck, taking full advantage of his position before pistoning into me relentlessly.

I’m coming before I realize it. I’m scraping my nails down Cam’s back, holding his sweaty skin to mine. I plaster my forehead to his and attach our lips while he rides out his orgasm.

Once he begins to catch his breath, his pace slows.

“Tell me you need me,” Cam’s voice is raw and yeah, that’s the sexist thing I’ve ever heard.

“I need you,” I say back with no hesitation whatsoever. “I need you for everything.”

“You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

My heart explodes. I know he means it when my eyes meet his. Cam pulls out of me and rolls off the condom, tossing it in the bin next to his nightstand. I take in the creamy skin of his back and how it looks with my nail scratches running down the expanse of it. He lays back down and pulls me to him, skin to skin. His hand cradles my jaw and my eyes meet his for the billionth time tonight.

“I’m yours, you know that right?”

“I know Cam, and I’m yours too.”

He plants a final kiss on my lips and lets out a relieving breath.

“Sleep baby. I’ll wake you in the morning.”

I smile and lay my head down against his warm skin. My fingers mindlessly trace shapes on chest as I close my eyes. I can get used to this.

.

“Cam! Cam! I passed!” I screamed and threw myself onto his bed as soon as I got back from taking my final exam.

After finalizing my exam, my professor went over the answers and I made a better grade than expected. I immediately left from there and came here to find Cam still in bed. His hair is ruffled and he lazily grins at me.

“I told you so,” he says and kisses me gently. “Nap with me. No practice until 3 pm today so we have the rest of the morning to be lazy.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” I kiss his cheek and then his lips.

[threerattsinatrenchcoat]

2024 Writing Challenge Wrap Up

This year I wanted to put out a piece of writing—either a complete piece or a chapter—every week. My main goal was to quit getting stuck in editing hell. This is what I learned:

Writing for output gets you faster but it really highlights your weaknesses as a writer. I found myself reusing a lot of genres, themes, characters, sentence structure, etc, as a crutch to make the process easier. The worst was when I would simply list everything that happened in a scene, like a micromanaging script writer—she did x, he did y, she did z—without taking the time to prune it to the story I wanted to tell. (Funny enough, a friend sent me this article today that perfectly highlights what I'm trying to describe here. This past year my consumption of visual media definitely increased). I'd finish a piece and the word count would seem impressive, but those words didn't actually say anything. Quantity was reducing my quality.

Compared to my earlier writing, I also slipped into using more obvious/dull similes and metaphors. Every character started to speak and act the same, and instead of writing endings, I found myself just writing characters who simply "won" the plot.

Writing short stories combatted almost all of the above. It forced me to remove parts that were hiring the story and remember that I rarely needed the text to describe everything. The dialogue, characters actions and values, my audience's own brains would fill in the gaps. I think people even enjoy a bit of vagueness, especially with jokes; explaining the punchline doesn't make it funny. Letting people have that moment of "aha!" is more effective.

Sometimes I overcorrected—I've read a few older pieces where I'm like, "wait what just happened," but at least I didn't find myself skipping parts of the story.

Applying the concepts of "but it went wrong" and "they would not say that" also helped the above. When I caught myself just writing a list of all the things my characters did to win the plot, I would combat that by either having them fail or fuck up or both. My stories were way more fun/interesting when I figured out the line a character would not cross and then made their victory beyond that line, so they either had to cross the line or avoid it entirely. Example: in The Gang Goes to the Underdark, Zarys will not leave the shipment, even if it means leaving part of her team behind and traveling a very dangerous route, so she goes to ridiculous lengths to deliver it, including capturing minotaurs and walking straight into a trap.

Refusing to have characters act out of character made for more interesting stories, I think. After all, there's a reason I like these characters. (Shout out to @graysparrowao3 whose toxic Aradin/Rugan fics encouraged me to let people be more awful, and to everyone who stans villains). Whenever I had to have a character break "they would not say that" I tried to figure out a good why. Why would this unempathetic character be nice to someone? Maybe because they really love them… or maybe because they think they can get something out of it.

Writing is time consuming. I joked a few times about how I need to step away from the keyboard, my family misses me, but I work full time, go to the gym, volunteer and aim for 7 hours of sleep a night…and then was writing 10+ hours a week. For my pieces, I tried to note down how long they took because I think people devalue free things, but every made thing has a cost.

I can write through (almost) anything. I originally thought I would fail at this goal. Technically I did—4 things I wrote were never posted (projects fell through), and I was without power/cell/internet/water for weeks after a hurricane and while I did write, posting wasn't on my agenda. I also was wildly burnt out/grieving after the hurricane and found myself mechanically getting pieces out there, using the challenge as a way to implement some normalcy. But I posted most weeks and wrote something for every single one. I learned how to barrel through writer's block and how to say "good enough" for a deadline.

Avoiding burnout is a proactive, not a reactive, activity. I fully planned to abandon this challenge if I thought it was ruining my relationship with writing. However, really prioritizing other parts of my life did a lot to protect my relationship with writing, especially prioritizing exercise and my family/friends. Towards the end of the year I started writing less and less, mostly to pick back up other hobbies (gaming especially).

I can write characters, ships, kinks and stories that I don't care about. I did several exchanges/challenges this year because coming up with so much to write is hard. These exchanges meant that I wrote a bunch of stuff where I started the fic not giving a single flying fuck about the characters. Three of a Four Course Meal is an example—I picked it up on a pinch hit mostly because "vampire dinner party" was too hilarious a prompt to let it not be written. I'm not into robots, most of the mages, or Cal/Geraldus (or most of the couples I write, sorry! Like 90% of them are from talking to people online and being like "I like this person, I want to make them something") but I wrote each with the mindset of "I don't need to be into this, I just need to figure out how to write it." I think this helps a lot with output and with pushing yourself to write better. The advice to kill your darlings is also a lot easier when the piece doesn't start out as darling.

Stats:

I debated not including this because all that ^^^ is the real victory, but fuck it, I want to link fics, haha.

I posted over 300,000 words in 2024 (I started to do the math to remove all the words in collab chapter fics I didn't write and gave up) across 48 fics and 105 chapters, which for me is a massive quantity. Every single fic was a rare pair. I cracked several new tags on AO3—I'm probably most infamous for Dammon/Strange Ox, but I also did others, like Vorgoth/Rook, Guex & Pandirna and a bunch of Salazon tags. I also contributed to so many Elturian Refugee and Zhent tags. I'm still a little confused how there are only 43 works with Alfira/Lakrissa, but 4 of them are mine and 3 of those have Alfira/Lakrissa as the main couple. I'm doing my part!

My most popular fic for hits was Wine, Iron and Other Damnables. This was also one of the first I posted, closest to the "height" of activity in the fandom. It was my longest at 44,047 words. I recently reread it and it's not as snappy as my stuff ended up in the end, but it does have a lot of fun plays on words I'd like to return to.

My most kudos'd fic was Where There's Smoke. It was posted pretty soon after Veilguard came out and got a shout out on tiktok, which quadrupled its kudos in 3 days. Really a testament to how much the "when" you post matters; it's pretty standard Ratt smut but so much more popular than my other stuff! The word count was 2,988, although you can pick your pronouns and stuff so the word count is actually higher.

My least popular fic for hits is The Curse of a Promise. It's a rair pair, is WLW, it's SFW—basically everything people say won't get hits haha. But it's my little fic (878 words) and I love it. Least popular for kudos is Popper's Bag of Popping at 700 words, which I was a little surprised by. Maybe it's an issue with the tone not matching the subject? Either way, I'm glad it's no longer one of my Wyll fics.

My shortest fic was Perception at 141 words, and I'm honestly very fond of it!

What's next?

I plan to keep writing, but definitely not at the same output. I would really like to return to some of the creativity and wordplay I had in my original stuff, and I can't do that and put out as much material. I also really want to prioritize longer pieces again.

I'll probably step back from exchanges. It was pretty disheartening to work hard on something for someone and have the receiver comment "can't wait to read it" and then nothing. Or, you know, get literally nothing, not even a kudos. It's kind of soured my feelings toward exchanges. However, shout out to @commander-krios and @lolliputian for running several solid collabs/exchanges and the Zhentil keep for their round robins.

I would like to do a bit more art this year. I know practice generally makes improvement, and seeing how much other artists like @littleplasticrat and @redroomroaving have improved has made me want to get back at it. I cannot do a piece a week, though, haha. Maybe one a month, we'll see. I haven't decided.

Overall, though, I would like to spend less time online. I miss my family, I miss DnD, gaming, reading and hiking. There were things I delayed last year to meet this goal that no longer exist. I'm tired. Happy I did this, but tired.

Additional thoughts that didn't really fit anywhere:

I never expected to make friends during the challenge but I did. I made a lot of friends, and they're all driven, creative, ridiculous, intelligent, hilarious, honest, silly and so valuable to me. I really missed making things with people. I'm just so grateful to everyone I met.

I'm also grateful to all the people who tagged me in their end of the year posts, thank you so much. You're all very lovely

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[cookiescr]

Healing is so fucking weird man like few days ago I was crying the whole day and now I'm fine even in the mention of the things I'm healing from and also anything that reminded me of them?? I am afraid of three things: that I have stopped caring, that I am suppressing my emotions or that I would get used to the calm and not be able to handle it again when something triggers my emotions

[spinecurlingmice]

okay more on hajime's underwear. . in a world where all the fte's are canon for everybody and not just a gameplay thing, do you think everybody on the island made it like. a bet or something. every single person he's became close with on this fucking island gave him their panties as a token of closeness, so like are they waiting for him to reciprocate?? the one person he gives his underwear to is like. the Chosen hajime person and they get to gloat ? do they ask.

[girl-bateman]

Diagnosis for girls who have never smoked in their lives but are constantly craving a cigarette

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[lemondropletters]

I know I’m making a joke but you really don’t understand how angry I am at the recent news.

[Video Captions: “Why are you the way that you are? / Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. / I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”]

[diegoshargrieves]

wow three days back on this account and im already venting.

[pizzapizzadickz]

I often times find myself wondering when interacting with people "am I doing this right?'"

It used to be even more often, I probably was really anxious about it back then. Now... not so much? I still find myself worrying a bit. And especially trying to find the correct "answer" or action to say or do. But. It's not really by any fault of my own. It's just what's expected of me in social situations doesn't always come naturally. So I'm awkward. But idk. While I'll always probably try to find the right answer for things, I'm a bit less worried than I used to be. And I suppose that's something good in a way.

[buttercupshands]

Thinking about what happened in the summer

Kids are... Really different when it comes to spending three weeks without their parents

Some start crying near the end of first day

Some start crying after couple of days

And some don't show anything while feeling the same

And being... I think English has a good word for that, let's go with a teacher but mix it with caretaker a little bit

I think seeing a kid cry at the end of that first day finally short circuited my brain, teens are way harder to understand that pre-teens who are literally still kids

They come around after a week, settle down and find new friends and your job stays the same mostly to be the one controlling their behavior

And then you'd have a kid crying again, because they miss home and the only thing you can really do is comfort them that they're not stuck here forever and that time flows so fast they won't notice it

And maybe they didn't. Time really did flew and they were leaving

Parents visited kids sometimes, of course, and it was so scary at first but they were mostly friendly and nice

Maybe because of that group chat that let them see that their kids are fine and are having fun

In the end for kids it was painful at first, but fun in the end. I got hugged more times than I could count when they were all leaving

And then poof

Back to your own life you go, like nothing happened