#and thats opened up a lot of avenues for me. like. knowing i dont need to be in a relationship. that i can collect stuffed toys.

[pizzapizzadickz]

I often times find myself wondering when interacting with people "am I doing this right?'"

It used to be even more often, I probably was really anxious about it back then. Now... not so much? I still find myself worrying a bit. And especially trying to find the correct "answer" or action to say or do. But. It's not really by any fault of my own. It's just what's expected of me in social situations doesn't always come naturally. So I'm awkward. But idk. While I'll always probably try to find the right answer for things, I'm a bit less worried than I used to be. And I suppose that's something good in a way.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

WHO AM I? - Learning To Appreciate Myself, & Honoring My Goodness.

I've been growing in different avenues and for the longest time I've been having to sit with myself. I think this is the closest I've gotten to understand adulthood in many of its forms and its the process of sitting with your emotions even when all you wanna do is run away.

I guess you've got it. I've grown up. I feel it.. But then, I dont? I feel as though I have a lot of playfulness in me, but I feel the seriousness taking up space. I can acknowledge that I haven't been doing my job, and have lost myself along the way.. Because I've been who I am, I'm wondering if I could be another. I'm holding myself hostage, I feel it. I can't lie, there is so much I want to be but I've put a mask on myself so that others couldn't perceive the real me.. Only to still be perceived by false perception.

Misunderstood is code word for, I dont care to understand this person, so I'm just going to label them how I see them, how I value them and so on so forth. So I never go out my way to call myself deeply misunderstood, even though I can be.. Thats not the life I wish to see for myself.

I've been wanting to runaway. Not emotionally, just physically. Like get out of town. Move away. That's all I've been wanting. I held on to my family and friends because I didn't want to lose them, or have them miss out on my growth but then.. Chaos had came through my life and I feel now its best to just get away, and I feel it necessary to grow apart.

I mean.. I'm sure they'll miss me, of course.. But there is no way I can grow in this town I live in. Atlanta is not what it use to be, & I'm tired of feeling alone in this. I want to get away.

I've tried to go out and flow, but the flow here is chaotic and triumphing from the damage that has been done on to me and others is a story board full of discussion.

Even the LGBTQ+ scene isn't enough for me, which was the only reason I really stayed put in the city. I love my city, I do.. but.. I've got a feeling I've grown enough to accept that I must be aligned with my truest feelings and this one takes the cake.

As I'm learning to appreciate adulthood, I'm learning to accept my past truths. I was alone, tired, scared, and adulting was not my favorite thing. I mean, I didn't care. I just wanted to enjoy it. I wasn't enjoying life, so I focused on the partying and drinking. And FUNNY enough, I took part of it even when I told myself I wouldn't. I put myself in spaces having the belief I would be okay, and when it did not happen that way... I failed... distanced myself from people and got out of their business.

Just went away into my little closet, holding on to the meat costumes before they'd be skin and bone. I didn't wanna be alone in it but I felt it best that way.

And then there it was, I opened up a can of worms.

My rage, my power, my worth, it all started to make sense.

I opened up to my darkness and realized how much of me I had left unnoticed. While I was running away from my problems because of depression, I learned why that depression was there. I wasn't having fun. I wasn't loving life. I was too serious. I called it imposter syndrome. It was killing me from the inside. I had to find myself multiple times and realized I wasn't lost... I just didn't want to be the human God intended me to be. And my heart could feel it, I just didnt know it at the time.

I was fighting 'demons' that were fears of my worth. Fears from my past lives, my exhaustion was tied to the world and the need to be in this patriarchal society. Im done. Its over with, man. And learning to accept my pain in all of it, made things full circle. I had to start all over, another thing in adulthood that isn't everyones favorite. But its starting to become mine.

What I'm learning now, is that I can appreciate why I was running. I'm still going back and forth with me on if I'm truly 'nonbinary' or not, and what that even means for a woman like me. What does it mean to like woman and to want to be in the closet knowing pleasure is around the corner. And what am I even doing? What was the point of it? For the male gaze? Idk.

But for once in my life, I'm getting the hang of appreciating my inner self / inner child instead of forcing her inside the house never letting her see the sunshine on a beautiful day.

I got it all figured out... not. But that's the beauty of it all.

[ahoneesan]

well now that ive caught up heres my idw sonic thoughts. please know all of these are informed by binging the entire mainline series (incl mini series/annuals/oneshots/etc) in about 30 hours

its good! big overall takeaway its good. i feel like theyve hit a good stride with a fun assortment of heroes who all feel distinct and villains who fill a lot of different roles and they bounce off each other in interesting ways. a solid ass hero/adventure comic.

the art is largely good, with a few notable dips up and down here and there. the big standout for me is adam bryce thomas, whose climactic action scenes are impeccable but whos talky scenes rely really heavily on what i think is a 3d-render-to-lineart pipeline that (while not as bad as you might imagine that could be) results in every character feeling way too stiff and perfectly geometric. this happens in like every issue he does, and even when its dressed up with cartoony expressions and fx its so, so distracting. there are a few other artists (especially early in the series) who seem to be stuck to the official sega model sheets but those issues get cleaned up. this doesn't. such a bummer.

the new characters are good! on the hero side: tangle and whisper are a fun duo, jewel is nice enough but feels largely like an excuse to untether amy from the resistance, belle is a very comic-booky way to keep the underused "mr. tinker" persona alive in the reader's minds and a new avenue to explore the robot plotlines, which i always like. finally, recent addition lanolin is a nice shake up to the largely friendly resistance cast, im intersted to see where she goes after the sweepstakes arc.

for villains: clutch is quite fun (it was nice to see him take the spotlight in the last few issues), as is mimic (his short in the 2024 annual provided some needed backstory), and even the deadly six (while not new, and definitively not happening. they arent. theyre simply never gonna happen) serve the book well as a team of bad guys who are just Out There. rough and tumble are a great recurring duo of dumbasses, and of course, the top of the list is dr. starline, an absolute treat. his place as a genuine fan of the old guard but becoming disillusioned and obsessed with becoming Better than them as a sort of dark reflection of flynn himself is so, so fun. and i couldn't possibly say enough about his final creations, surge and kit, as you can probably tell. i simply love everything about their fucked up dynamic, and the recent annual is only promising that things will get worse. couldnt ask for more.

to me it feels like the next thing the book needs is a true successor to the metal virus arc. the book definitely needed time to breathe after launching directly into that from its somewhat lackluster opening arc, and the time since has been well spent introducing a larger cast of characters and giving them all a little plate to keep spinning. i dont know that book is ready for it Right Now, given that we've just completed another major arc, but i think we need a little more of that sort of truly World Ending catastrophe for sonic to super his way through.

but i wonder if thats being hamstrung by the attachment to Real Canon that came with idw picking up the license. i do genuinely prefer there being one real actual timeline instead of, for instance, whatever in the world transformers has goin on, but it does feel like the creative team cant quite stretch their legs in the way they might be able to if the were writing fanfiction disconnected but always in service to the main timeline like back in the archie days. which is where flynn and his fannish style of bringing back established characters/concepts as a dramatic plot turn works so well (thinking particularly of the reincorporation of the speed/flight/power cores from heroes here)! i do think that just making all of this, to be reductive, actually matter by tying it to One True Sonic Canon is better for me, but when sega themselves can seemingly never get their act together, it may end up becoming a storm the albatross around the comic team's necks.

to wit: where the hell is shadow? isnt this his year? it feels notable to me that the Canon Comics are left out of the shadow festivities. i could be generous and say its because flynn is collaborating on shadow generations, so go get your fix there. but for the comic to have nothing? not even a like one shot movie tie in like they did with movie 2? it makes ya wonder. even outside of The Year of Shadow, he's not used very much in the series. even silver gets more screentime than him! im not even the biggest shadow fan, but he near total absence from the core drama of the series feels... purposeful at best (held off to make him more mysterious and meanging ful when he does show up) and a missed opportunity at worst (sega said Dont Touch Him were playing with him right now). maybe with shadow sentiment surging among the kids we'll see him come back in a big way.

again, overall: very good! keeps the core fun of sonic stories alive and introduces just enough shounen melodrama to make the highs even higher. im hopeful for the future of the series, i just hope it being permanently stuck in sega subservience mode doesnt hamper them from the thing i always found interesting about the sonic comic project: telling efun, exciting stories that play with the building blocks sega leaves them in novel ways.

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 5x05, i am not ready for all hell to break lose and for my brother to start getting heartbroken. He literally started the ep by saying he needs to see more Britin than Ben/Mikey, not knowing that this is the beginning of hell. Episode opens with the security letting Justin into the club ‘MR TAYLOR! Boyfriend privileges! I missed Emy and Blondie. SECOND WELCOME MISTER TAYLOR! I know for a fact that Brian told them about him and was all be nice to my man! He called Justin cause he has a surprise for him and he gave him MEN! I fucking love these two as a couple, they are literally the same person but different font’ ‘this fucking baby is being passed around like a ball. What the fuck is wrong with them? HUNTER CANT SWIM ANYMORE? Fuck them all. (Mike tells hunter to either be bitter or move on) OH THATS FUCKING RICH COMING FROM HIM. Look its Brian! I still hate that car. Why the fuck is Hunter rude to him? Oh shit, Brian and Mike are like actually drifting apart’ and Brian is at the doctor now ‘PLEASE DONT TELL ME ITS CANCER AGAIN. Wait whats up with the cancer story now? Did they forget? SYPHILIS? Well fuck, he’s probably gonna shut down half of liberty avenue cause of this.’ And now we are the scene where Hunter is back in school ‘i fucking hate this shit. I wanna hit every kid on the screen right now. I do like Callie though, she’s a sweetie. Her parents suck tho’ ‘okay, i LOVE Ted and Brian as friends but my first love is Emmett and Ted. But also i’d sacrifice you for Emmett and Brian’ *looks at me and nods his head*. Annnnd we are at Britin scene where he tells him about the std ‘look at Justin cooking. Suspiciously good? I need to know right now how many times Blondie burnt or fucked up food and Brian ate it to be nice. Why is Blondie so passive aggressive lately? THATS how he tells him about the STD? Calm down Blondie, it happens to the best of us. (Justin says he’s surprised it hasnt happened sooner) *takes a slow huge gasp* what the fuck? THIS EPISODE LITERALLY STARTED WITH JUSTIN AT AN ORGY IN LA? WHY IS HE SUDDENLY SO PRUDISH AND RUDE? *long pause* itd be kinda funny if he got it from Blondie’ This is where I made a mistake to get up and go to the bathroom and all i heard was a yell ‘TED GOT MISTAKEN FOR A LESBIAN! SHE THOUGHT TED WAS A LESBIAN!’ ‘BRIAN! Look at Brian! I don’t really like Ben and Brian together. Its weird. But also why the fuck are they all talking so much about marriage and monogamy lately? But only around Bri? I’m really hating all of this just so you know’ Justin and Daph are now looking after JR ‘DAPHNE! Finally youre back! Blondie thinks about kids? Since when? WHATS STOPPING HIM? Bitch arent yall still like 20? Ask him? But Brian has a kid? ARE WE FORGETTING GUS? Blondie! This is where you say we have gus! Puppy? Why would he get a puppy? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW? (Justin tells daphne about syphilis) why the fuck did he say that? What even? *pauses tv and looks at me all confused* WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON? I have no clue whats going on but i know i hate it’ He was pissed off during Hunter’s school meeting but weirdly stayed quiet and then Justin and Daph came back up ‘youd freak out because that would mean cheating BUT HE DIDNT CHEAT AND SHIT HAPPENS. SINCE WHEN DOES DAPHNE CARE ABOUT JUSTINS MONOGAMY? Ha! Blondie knows its never gonna happen because he and Bri Bri dont want that. Fuck this they brought Daphne back just to piss me off. She’d never be like this.’ ‘Now why the fuck is Mel pissed off? HE HAS MORE THAN ONE KID! Can all three of them go fuck each other? This is the second time that Mel acts like Justin is some random dumbass not to be trusted with her kid. He is GUS’s STEP DAD! *puts his arms out in that weird way guys do where they push their arms back but head forward, idk how to describe it im sorry* bitch’ he was so pissed off at mel during this. He said a whole lot of other stuff but it was all over the place so I did my best but the main takeaway was she treated Brian the same way and she doesnt care about Hunter or gus anymore.

My heart is breaking for your brother, for you, for all of us. Fuck you CowLip.

Justin being called Mr Taylor at Babylon is amazing, I love it. DON'T YOU SEE WHAT HE TELLS YOU IN HIS OWN WAY?

But also i’d sacrifice you for Emmett and Brian’ <- tbf I would sacrifice a lot to see more Emmett and Brian.

THIS EPISODE LITERALLY STARTED WITH JUSTIN AT AN ORGY IN LA? WHY IS HE SUDDENLY SO PRUDISH AND RUDE? even louder for the people (Justin, the writers) in the back. And here begins the ultimate betrayal. Where does Brian's growth go? Why does Justin at 22 want a baby and a house and marriage?

AND WHY DOES NO ONE REMEMBER THAT BRIAN HAS A KID (I actually typed that as Gid so there you go) and is really good as a dad?

Fuck this they brought Daphne back just to piss me off. She’d never be like this. It's true. To borrow the meme, she would not fucking say that.

This is the second time that Mel acts like Justin is some random dumbass not to be trusted with her kid. He is GUS’s STEP DAD! YEP

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

U dont have to respond to this if you feel its tmi or whatwver but ... I had an odd prophetic dream kind of moment recently , and its been makingme nervous. I had a dream that, Me, my father, and his girlfriend were being spied on/chased after by someone.. Something like that. It came completely out of the blue and i didnt think anything of it! then, that morning, i get a call from my father that hes in town , and that he has to tell me something urgently , and when we meet he tells me that .... For context, his girlfriend 's ex husband is a person with a lot of money and power. and tells me that He has been actively threatening them+has also been threatening my fathers daughter . And that I should be very careful because people like this are capable of everything. Just that night I was visiting the lost all hope website. Ive been in a very bad mental slum . This somehow really , idk, it felt real. It put my troubles aside , because what is happening is real and , there's something . Talking about my dream... I wish I could, and idk how to connect further with this side of myself. I wish i could somehow keep this spiritual feeling ? I really wish there was more things like this happwnign to me. and i know i need to seek them out. but idk how to do it. because im instead stuck in my own head... My father told me i should turn and talk to my spiritual teachers, and ask for them to guide me. I dont know how to go about it. I feel like I need something magical to happen. I really know very little about this stuff. On another note, and im rly sorry if this makes u nervous, ihad a dream tonight that something happened to pochita , and when I woke up i instantly went to ur blog to check on pochita .-.;; I know pochita will be ok though...

awh i am happy to answer this anon, i am happy u cld come to me about it. firstly i want to say i really hope you are ok, ill b praying for you and ur family anon. try to tell urself like a mantra, "no weapon formed against me shall prosper". try to create a feeling of safety in ur heart as u think/say it. envision your family being guarded by an angel army. people with money who use it for evil, they're the most doomed souls. they're living at the lowest frequency possible. you have power over them that u can utilize w your heartfelt prayers. now, as for the dreams: i believe that you may have experienced an ESP dream, picking up on the worries of ur father. its no coincidence, im telling you! from what u psychically were picking up, your dream may have provided a scenario thats priming u to handle this predicament. it shows great sensitivity to be able to not only facilitate an esp dream, but to recall it and apply it to real life. you're on your way anon 🤍 more things like this can happen the more u open urself up to them. however, you cant force it! the more u try to force it, the more it'll repel itself. its hard to explain but.. prayer and study will open up more avenues. listen to whats happening in the back of ur mind. for me, i actually have way more prophetic visions in waking life than in dreams. it took years to rly trust my intuition the way i do now, years of constantly having unusual hunches then being proven right. its a lifelong journey, look forward to it~ ur father is right, ask your guides or angels or whoever, ask them to show u the next step. the magic is all around u, its in the small things, try to notice them and dont ever write anything off as coincidence. thats my advice.. and as for your dream of pochita, i appreciate yr concern ;w; the thing w dream interpretation is, altho u get the occasional prophecy coming thru, most dreams are not meant to be taken too literally. i suspect it was a stress dream and since pochita's injury has been on people's minds lately, ur dream was using her to symbolize something in ur subconscious. she's doing just fine laying at my feet as i type this 🤍 thanku for caring her 🤍 u seem like a sweetheart and i pray for ur family's safety. dont give up hope anon. there are miracles in your future!!!!!!!!!

[jamboreeofsurprises]

I might regret admitting this, but i feel like i might as well open up about it. i can always delete it later lol.

A lot of my dysphoria is gender related, but some of it is age related as well and I feel like this is a difficult concept for most people to wrap their minds around. Depression started with the onset of puberty for me. it felt like the beginning of things going downhill, and it has, for the most part, continually gotten worse throughout my teen years and now into adulthood. i never looked forward to growing up whatsoever and the fact that everyone else did only further enforced these feelings. it created a great sense of isolation to feel so differently about all these disturbing changes everyone else seemed ready and excited for. the only person i've ever seen who expressed similar sadness about the end of childhood is the artist henry darger. he felt like it was losing important and precious that he would never be able to get back, and that's how i feel about it too. when i still wanted to play with toys, my friends had already grown past that and lost interest and got rid of theirs and it gravely upset me. i didn't want this, but you have to accept as a living being that you have to grow up.

regardless of how i feel about this, i've tried, of course, to do 'grown up' things as you should as you get older, i went to college, took up some more responsibilities, have a job, have other outlets for money, pay taxes, pay for my things etc., but i have always gravely lagged behind where other people seem capable of doing things. i am 24 now and still feel the same as i did when i was about 12. maybe that isn't that strange, but i don't look that different either. i have childish interests. i fit into most of the same clothes (and actually weigh even less). i'm average height but didn't otherwise grow or change very much. because of gender dysphoria, i'm relieved about this. a lot of people still address or treat me like i'm a child and it's because i look and act like one. but i don't know that i even want to or if it's just because i'm chronically immature.

one of the biggest avenues for 'adult pain' to me is driving. i can't do it. it gives me such bad sensory overload and i've seen my own death via car crash in my mind so many times and to be honest with you i'm pretty sure thats the way im going to go. but because i live in california where it's basically required (and i really dont want to leave here), and my parents, and all my peers here, can do it just fine, and have been doing it since they were teenagers, i have to just do it. so okay i try. and ive already been in like 3 accidents. no they weren't serious but i can't do it. everyone else i know does not have that kind of luck with it. but every time i pleaded with my parents repeatedly that i can't do it they just told me to keep trying and now that i'm moved out they made me the owner of the van. because my mom's mom couldn't drive which 'made her basically crippled' in my mom's words, im going to be a disappointment if i can't do it. but i absolutely cant do it.

someone at a desk today needed to know my age and when i answered it they had some disbelief and asked for it again. when something stupid happens like a car accident and i prove again that im just a dumb child, it make me feel a thousand times more embarrassed than if i actually looked and felt like an adult. because it really does just make me a scared incapable little kid all over again.

i dont even know what's autism or what's dysphoria sometimes but i always need so much fucking help with everything to a humiliating extent. my childhood friend was already cooking and maintaining the house when we were little and driving all over the place as soon as they were old enough too. i cant do any of that now. i can barely fry a god damn egg. and the pressure is on all the time because my friends and parents could do all of it way younger than me. im so tired of being me. im so tired of looking and feeling this way and not being able to do anything.

[banghwa]

did you watch j-hope's v-live where he was looking a little down and at one point he said "I'm not okay" in response to someone's question? I'd love to hear your thoughts, they're always well-articulated and unique. I think at this point he's gotten good enough at English that he wouldn't have made a mistake with am vs. am not but then why even say it. why not lie? he makes me crazy (affectionate)

hi honey, sorry it took a bit to get to this ask, i rly wanted to make sure i answered it right. i did watch that live as it was happening and was there when he said that so i know what you're talking about. i dont want to come off as dismissive when i say this but i dont...really think thats our busines honestly... and this is tricky bcs like. i don't like to think as idol's personal issues and lives as things that i have the right to know about or to speculate on. but at the same time i dont really think that was a mistake either? i want to say that it was probably just an answer to a question without context. but even if it isn't, i don't think it's really up to us to think about it too hard. obvously i dont know hoseok lmao but he does come off as the kind of person who would rather not talk about the things he's going through. talking about his personal life or his life outside of bts doesnt seem to be something he likes doing, even if he has talked about it. he's very particular about his words and how to phrase his thoughts and i feel like being open about that takes a lot of strength for him to do. because of that especially i dont think it's our place to discuss whatever his emotions are without him opening that conversation up to the public and even then i think he deserves to not have his life as a discussion piece for the public...i know in that same vlive he said he wanted to explore more emotional and intense songs in future solo work, so i think if thats the avenue he wants to use to talk about his emotions and his struggles publically, thats his perogative and we should wait if ever he does decide to speak publically about certain things. until then i think all we can and should do is support him and his projects and let him know as fans that we are proud of him and that he doesnt need to always be mister sunshine man and all that.

[alukaforyou]

I know you've mentioned this before but you're not close with your parents. I just had an awful experience with my mom where I realized that she has a very low opinion of me and doesn't actually care about me as her child. How do you cope with you parents, if you don't mind me asking?

ya in my case i dont doubt they love me and have made lots of sacrifices for me, but ultimately, you are the arbiter of the love people give you, and i reject on some fundamental level the love my parents have for me - its not real love b.c they dont love ME, they love the idea they have of me. my parents rly kno jack shit abt me and i never rly talk to them abt anything meaningful to myself cuz i dont trust them - i hear the hurtful things they say abt other people which is 1. disturbing and 2. jokes on them cuz little do they kno they are insulting me too (like every time they shit on lgbt ppl or mentally ill ppl like bruh... i am that... lmfao..) and not just the whole fundamentally rejecting parts of me / my experience (aka... gaslighting... getting mad at me that One time i tried to open up abt depression / being suicidal and telling me "stfu no u arent, dont even say that shit" lmfao thx), they rly just dont listen to me Constantly, like Every time i try to educate them on race matters and whatnot theyre like loool silly girl u dont kno wat ur talking abt, actualy :3c and its so irritating not being taken seriously, ever so basically yea, im super done w. this "fam" and while i am grateful that they raised me p well and didnt do sketchy behavior like check my phone / comp, etc or physically abuse me.... like.... am i rly supposed to be grateful for that LMFAO if anything the fam gives me the lower most, maybe the lower 2 levels of the maslow's hierachy of needs (all the emotional support & unconditional love, i get from my friends, aka my found / real family) so i am super estranged from them & i dont rly seek their approval or w.e. in my case, my parents provide me / has provided for me housing and some degree of financial support (like... free housing.. free food... etc..) so thats p much the extent of how i see our relationship. like.. open ur purse ig? LOOOOOL and when i move out, im totally prepared to slowly drift out of their life like... y would i wanna spend time w. racists and terfs when... i could be seeing friends??? its a lil weird cuz on some level i am... attached to them cuz the whole ~family! blood relations~ concept but tbh in the very real future possibility that my fam disowns me / never sees me again for some dumbass reason, ig i wont miss them much. like nothing irritates me more than the expectation of having unconditional love / respect for ur family / elders (esp in asian / collectivist culture) because family is gacha and toxic people r toxic whether or not they happen to be ur relatives or w.e. ik its hard cuz ~its my mom!~ and ya sure maybe u have some good memories with her, or shes not toxic / hurtful / whatever *all* of the time, but none of us have to be begging for scraps. im sorry you didnt get the love & support & understanding we all deserve from our parents but.... family is gacha lol. id say, try to accept the good times and the shitty times and kno u dont rly have any obligation to stay in their lives as their child, and any reconciliation plans or the degree of "presence" you will have in their life is toootally up to you. also try to communicate first if you u r comfy with that, like really clearly let them know how they hurt you and see if you can salvage the relationship if you so desire. see my parents wont ever freakin listen to me so all avenues for communication are closed. i cite irreconciliable differences and choose to just shut them out of my personal life lol.

if you have the means at all to move out... that would b good.... but if not, just try ro hang in there and make ur home experience the most bearable as possible. see, my job is to have the most peaceful existance i can. so while i wanna fight w my parents and whatever, i just dont to save my own energy like im not here to educate or change ppl that wont listen. so i try to minimize my interaction w them and stay in my room most of the time. i also focus on my own hobbies like art or exercise or watch films or play / talk w my sister instead. having great friends that lov & support & uplift u is key. surround urself w ppl that appreciate you and value you b.c we are all precious and important and ofc. we'll make our own mistakes so we all rly need ppl who bring out the best in us! online friends are super valid as well, if u need more friends def try to join some online communities around ur own interests and meet wonderful ppl! hope that helped a lil.... sry for wat happened again.. i hope things get better for u!!

[the-weeping-fox]

you save yourself.

I'll save myself this time around.

i had a feeling id hear from you on my birthday.

i thought id get a call or text though. so not winning big on that bet.

it still shakes me pretty bad.

i wonder if you knew how obsessed I was with you.

i know you have an idea, but i don't think you'll ever really know.

nothing scary. just... an overabundance of love and affection. you were my air. i wanted to breathe you in.

thought I smelled you for a second the other day when I was cleaning out my room.

its hard. I miss my best friend. I miss the love of my life.

heard your sister got engaged. bout time.

i wonder... if things never went sideways with us.. would we be married now? im sure we would've come around.

but i think thats a silly thought.. i think we were always sideways. even in the beginning. fighting and begging you to date me. christ.

hard memories and harder feelings.

lots of things have been happening to me and for me. things I wish you could share in. places I see your shadow.

waiting to schedule therapy till after my move. been processing alone. its hard. even with people who care. im trying to let go of the anger.

im really angry you hurt me. no matter how you slice it, you put me through some really awful things.

I would tell you that I had a theory that as someone got older, they would learn how to feel another Feeling simultaneously. Like, if you were 30, you could potentially feel 30 Feelings at once. Maybe some overlapping, maybe some individual.

I say this, because I feel like this is how my feelings towards you are built. I have this structure of Love and Friendship that we originally built, through fun sex and taking care of each other. But then these other really horrible feelings of Betrayal and Angry due to.. everything that happened.

I just... i was your sweet boy and you lied and hurt me. Ill never understand. I feel like a kicked Kitten. I try and put logic to it, but it just hurts me more.. trying to make sense of it. trying to put your shoes on and see it from your eyes... hurts. i don't know if ill ever understand how you could it and live with yourself.

i had some part in all of it too. i don't want to spend my life as a victim. i put so much love and faith into you. and the one thing I needed... you couldn't do.

i remember you telling me.. that sometimes I needed to just sit down and say, "you'll be okay. I love you. we'll figure it out and be okay." and that's what I needed. i was so lost in my own sadness and anger that I couldn't tell you I needed it.. but that was it. i needed to see your heart again.

anyways. i don't really want to harp on old shit. i do it 24/7 in my own head as it is.

you deleted your tumblr. never ceases to make my heart ache. but you reached out on my birthday. its.. a strange and potentially painful move. you know your number isn't blocked. so there's still a distance you want to keep. I've come to my own conclusion that it was a Bait. I responded on my old Tumblr... but after spending days pouring over the hint of a response.. i realized how gross that was and is.

I hard-loved you. I loved you with a ferocity I have never shared for anyone else. you were my one and only. I wanted to drink you in. I've had a painful time quitting you. I watched our videos... a lot. I wish i had made 1,000 more. I think i gave up trusting you somewhere along the road.

but... dangling that message.. that "but..." was... awful. I dont know if it was an open invitation to contact you or.. what. but it was.. it sucked. I would have rather had a phonecall or text or something. i don't know. I guess tumblr was the only place we could actually communicate, so maybe this was the best avenue.

I miss you. A lot. All this time and silence gives a lot of perspective. I miss your voice. i miss your smell. I miss your body. I miss your snores.

But another point of perspective is that you gave up our life. You sold that house. You got a new place that you wouldn't reveal the address to. You got new friends. You were walking away from me and us for a long time.

I get why. You spent a lot of time as the quiet girlfriend, waiting for me to tell you what I needed. but read that last sentence aloud. I was hurt. I was damaged. I wasn't going to ever be able to tell you what I needed. I needed your heart to call out to me, and it was the one thing you wouldn't do.

I hope Mittens is doing well. I cry when I think about her not being in my life. I hope I get to see her again before.. well. before anything happens to anyone.

Anyways. after I left my response to your Tumblr message... i... stopped checking it. You might have even responded. I won't know though. I probably won't know until our anniversary. I'll be there, by the way. Ill be in the spot where we figured it all out the first time. Probably get lunch and spend the day in that parking lot. I know you're not the emotional type like that, haha. Id be shocked. floored probably. might even hear me actually gasp.

...

I wouldve been a really good quarantine boyfriend. I really wonder what you think of me. what you honestly think. I mean.. it has to mean something that you left a message for me. Maybe you can't get our memories out of your head either. Im sorry if you thought I might have been trying to use you for sex or something near the end there. I wonder if that's how I came off. It wasn't how I meant to. Sex was just.. a really straight forward expression of our love and.. always felt safe and good with you. Ive had a lot of trouble trying to make that connection with anyone else. They aren't you and... i need to figure that out.

Things with Kat never came to fruition. she didnt really liked that i was too fucked up over you, haha. that would probably make your evil little heart jump. You beat Katherine in my mind. Maybe that can put how I feel about you in perspective.

I also wonder about letting you know about this blog? Maybe. Maybe as an anniversary present. But I cant imagine you want anything to do with me anymore. I really tried to salt the Earth when you left. I could feel how addicted I was to you. I had to for my own good. I wasn't strong enough to quit you.

shit. i still don't think I am. I dont even know if ill be able to move on. I dont want to. I miss you. I want to try and use my angry to curve that feeling, but love is stronger than hate. it always wins out.

so I guess I'll just keep pretending that you had my kid in some alternate universe and cry to my new friends about how some blonde girl shattered my heart.

I hope... youre okay. I think i mean that. its hard in here.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N:  So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened. 

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm. 

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins! 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf  @disagreetoagree  @breezy1415  @peachthatdrinkslemonade  @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho  @marvel-randomness  @daniellajocelyn  @katecolleen  @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her.  Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze  the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.  

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

[femmesfollesnebraska]

Artist-Poet Feature: Claudia Serea & Maria Haro

Pleased to feature artist Maria Haro alongside poet Claudia Serea with some of their collaborative work...

Where are you from? How did you get into creative work and what is your impetus for creating?

Claudia Serea:

I was born and raised in Romania, and I started writing poems when I was around 14 years old, in Romanian, of course. I wrote until my third year in college, then stopped. I immigrated to the U.S. in 1995 and took up writing almost 12 years later, this time in English. As for the reasons, I write because I believe I have something to say: my experience growing up behind the Iron Curtain, my immigration story, and the fact that I am constantly moving between two languages and cultures, not fitting perfectly in either of them. I also find inspiration everywhere around me, on New York City streets, in everyday life. I don't have to make up almost anything, just type what I see really fast. :)

Maria Haro:

I was borned in Madrid, Spain. Ever since I remember, I have been creating. My father is also an artist, so I grew up surrounded by art. I started my professional career in 1994 when I moved to New York City after graduating in graphic design.

My impetus for creating has evolved through the years. It started as something I liked to do, then something that I liked and I needed for a living, and now is evolving into something I need to do in order to make sense of it all.

Tell me about Twoxism, your current project and book, and why it’s important to you. What do you hope people get out of your work?

Claudia Serea:

I started the blog Twoxism in 2015 together with my friend, photographer Maria Haro—but the idea is older than that. The project concept came from Maria's friend, the Spanish photographer, Koldo Mirren Guinea Herran. He contributed some excellent photography to our project; he also designed the amazing cover and created the layout of the book. One of the poems I wrote for his beautiful photograph of tools was shared 1,600 times on StumbleUpon alone. I’m sure a lot of its appeal is because of this iconic image. Here it is: 

Sometimes I feel like a mechanic

Sometimes I feel like a mechanic, hammer and wrench instead of hands,

fitting the small parts, turning them this way and that, until they lock together, tight, teeth clenched.

I test the wheels, try the belt, turn the engine on and off, and on again,

listening to the wheezing, the whirr, until it works, and the growl comes on,

and the propeller starts flipping and swooshing,

and the shiny thing lifts into the air and flies into the world,

leaving me behind with my greasy hands and grimy nails,

grinning.

Maria Haro:

Twoxism started as a poetry-photography collaboration blog (www.twoxism.com) for which I took the photos and Claudia wrote the poems they inspired. In April 2017, 33 selections from the blog became an art exhibition that opened in New York City. Recently, Twoxism became a book published in December 2018 by the Canadian press 8th House Publishing. 

Twoxism is an invented word for all things two—among them, love, friendship, and relationships. We had a great response to the blog, with +15K page views and +40K impressions on Twitter and growing. As a project, it finds beauty in unexpected places and sees the mundane with redemptive eyes. As a book, it speaks of love and relationships in a new way. We hope others find it fresh, inspiring, and authentic. I personally started to better understand personal relationships through the photos I take and the lens of the artists who contribute to Twoxism.

Does collaboration play a role in your work—whether with your community, artists or others? How so, and how does this impact your work?

Claudia Serea:

I love collaborating with other artists. Collaboration gives my poems the chance to be shared with and enjoyed by more people. It gives the poem a new life. Apart from Twoxism, I collaborated with film directors who turned my poems into videos. My poem In Those years, No One Slept was set to music for choir by composer Rich Campbell, and the song won the top prize at the 2018 Uncommon Music Festival last August. I have another ongoing poetry-photography project with artist Mike Markham which, who knows, might become an exhibition or book in the future. And Maria and I we’ll keep Twoxism growing as long as it can. We are just getting started.

Maria Haro:

My biggest drive now is to discover what is possible through collaboration, and everything has to have a purpose. I am mostly interested in creating work than helps others using my design, photography, and artistic skills. I always have more projects on my mind that time to execute them and make the best of them. That is where collaboration really makes sense to me. Things are always better together.

Considering the political climate, how do you think the temperature is for the arts right now, what/how do you hope it may change or make a difference?

Claudia Serea:

Creativity knows no limits and no one can contain it, although some might try. The arts are hot in the U.S., and they will always be. Language is also extremely important in shaping our message and connecting us with emotion. Here is a poem from Twoxism that explores language’s important role, accompanied by Maria’s evocative photo:

About languages

In what language does the house painter paint?

Does the wind in Chile speak Spanish to the trees?

Do the gulls over the Hudson River cry Whitman’s verse?

And what about the Statue of Liberty?

In what language does she keep silent?

Coming from Romania, I feel fortunate to be in the United States and share my poems in English with the artists here. Who knew something like this could happen? I never thought I would get here in the first place. We get to write and express ourselves, and that is thrilling to me. I am very grateful for that. In turn, we must fight to open doors for others, and not create in a vacuum. There are countless artists and poets who live under oppressive regimes and don’t get this chance. We need to raise our voices and help them in any way we can. It’s an uphill battle, but I have faith we can contribute to the change.

Maria Haro:

Being an artist is hard, and it will always be, no matter where you are and what political climate you’re in. But it really helps to be in Madrid and in New York City where there is freedom to express yourself and a lot of receptivity to art.

Art is very intangible. You can only break through when you touch the viewer’s emotions and cause disruption. I will continue to try to do that for the rest of my life.

Sense of humor is another great weapon to have. I love to explore through my art the political environment and discover in deeper layers what is really going on and how it translates into our daily lives. Here is a twoxism that illustrates that:

High stakes entertainment

When all of this is over,

we'll have invented a new game,

the American roulette.

All is fair in love and war. So pass the popcorn, the wine, lots of wine, and the remote.

Artist Wanda Ewing, who curated and titled the original LFF exhibit, examined the perspective of femininity and race in her work, and spoke positively of feminism, saying “yes, it is still relevant” to have exhibits and forums for women in art; does feminism play a role in your work?

Claudia Serea:

In Twoxism, we explored the topic of empowering women in several combinations of poems and photographs. The goddess woman, the working woman, the skateboarding girl who is afraid to fall, the mother, the lover, the friend, they all find voices in the book. One of my favorites pieces is “Ode to the warrior woman,” paired with a beautiful photo of red lipstick as a “weapon” of choice by Maria Haro. Here it is:

Ode to the warrior woman

Beautiful woman, the world is still cruel and wild.  Bring out the thunderbolts and don’t be afraid of the fight.

 Put on your lipstick and pull up your boots. Grab your sword and slay the dragons on your way to work.

Walk in knee-high blood on 7th Avenue and don’t let anyone see the quiver in your heart.

 Be kind and smile. Don’t let them see that you’re hurt.

Sharpen your talons, merciless bird.

Woman, you da man, the man’s womb, you da bomb!

 Galaxies explode from your sex,  Milky Way swirls and pours out of your breasts.

Tell the little girl inside you to hush.

Swing the bow on your back and spread your eagle wings.

There is so much to fight for, so much to do.

Put on your lipstick, girl.

The world is waiting for you.

Maria Haro:

There isn’t really a choice for us to demand equal rights for women. It’s mandatory (and I have projects coming up that directly address this topic.)

Ewing’s advice to aspiring artists was “you’ve got to develop the skill of when to listen and when not to;” and “Leave. Gain perspective.”  What is your favorite advice you have received or given?

Claudia Serea:

Keep writing even if you get rejected. Be honest and true to yourself. And, most importantly, never give up. Persistence is the most important quality.

Maria Haro:

Attack your fears by being fearless.

How do the birds know when it’s time to fly?

They must feel a restlessness, or a clock striking in their brain,

an itch, or a longing in the bones.

Or maybe the roads are calling, unfolding ahead,

new balconies of the city, glimmering windows and highways of air.

That’s when I have to say goodbye to my friends of the same feather

and prepare to travel light, with only love as carry-on.

Then, without thinking too much, the leap:

the push off the ledge, a flap or two.

I lean my chest against the wind and glide.

The current pours and lifts me up, up, so I can see everything.

Farewell, past.

Twoxism by CLAUDIA SEREA & MARIA HARO

Published by 8th House Publishing, Montreal, Canada

Order the book here.

6 x 9 | Paperback | December 2018

116 pages | Price: $20.00

ISBN 978-1-926716-53-4

Follow us on the blog Twoxism and on Instagram @Twoxism.

Claudia Serea is an award-winning Romanian-born poet whose poems and translations appeared in Field, New Letters, Gravel, Prairie Schooner, RHINO, The Malahat Review, and elsewhere. She has published five poetry collections, most recently Twoxism, a poetry-photography collaboration with Maria Haro (8th House Publishing, 2018). Serea is a founding editor of National Translation Month and a co-host of The Williams Poetry Readings series in Rutherford, NJ.

Maria Haro grew up in Madrid, Spain, where she studied fine arts and graphic design. She graduated from the School of Graphic Communications and moved to New York City in 1994. She has won several global awards as a Creative Director in pharma advertising. She collaborates with other artists on projects that inspire her. You can find her photos on Instagram @mariavisualdesigner.

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current call for collaborative art-writing: http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/181376606692/lff-2019-artistpoet-collaborations

https://www.facebook.com/femmesfolles

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 9 - "I GOT A SUPER IDOL AKJSDNKSJANDKJ" - Kenneth

At the last tribal, Toph was voted out. During the past round, Keith found an exile ticket in the idol hunt and is in exile this round. The individual immunity this round is a 'chop the rope' style of Touchy Subjects. It will be followed by an instant tribal council.

ANNA OU- the execution of the vote was an absolute mess this is embarrassing y'all... i'm really starting to not trust ellie more and more considering the way this vote went! the way we were originally gonna vote toph but all this mess led to us flipping votes to brayden, which was a fail cuz he played the idol to himself and not toph LOL and not babs giving the idol to ellie cuz she would've gone home tonight!!!!! thank god the end results were still in our favor, getting rid of toph, but raffy is pissed once again lmao. this twist is very interesting, because i knew ahead of time that keith was gonna poof this round but i played dumb and whateva! it's kind of concerning cuz it might actually be a 4-4 split this time which SCARES ME so the extra vote consideration might be even higher. I really wanna win this Touchy Subjects challenge so the votes don't pile onto me (even though I fully believe it'll be either Dennis or Ellie lol)

my bestie toph just went home and im so sad :( he was literally my closest ally in the game and i am literally sooooo sad that he’s gone. but i did use my idol on myself which ended up being good bc if i didnt i would have gone to jury. just like everything is going wrong for me at this point and im on the bottom pretty much with raffy and anastasia. we needed to flip 2 people to have majority, BUT KEITH LEFT TO EXILE ISLAND AND HE WAS THE MAIN OPTION WE WANTED TO FLIP, so now that leaves kenneth and babs and we have to flip both of them or we are out of here. so we have our work cut out for us, but i really think we can flip babs because like they would just get like 6th place without us, and i just gave i think a pretty good pitch to kenneth so i really hope he considers it and doesn't just run and tell his majority alliance like he did with anastasia. anyways the challenge is touchy subjects and im nervous and i kind of am wishing i voted kenneth for biggest goat but i think i put riley and i regret ut. i hope someone says kenneth as biggest goat or something so it opens his eyes and he realizes he is literally number 4 to a solid 3 and should flip and be number 4 in our not at all solid 3. anyways i really hope i live this round

Captain Exile's log, Entry #58. I have been on exile island for an hour. it seems like forever... my mind is slowing turning into mush. I fondly remember the days I would plot Raffy's demise. Those days now seem like a lifetime ago.

I wonder why the 3 time keeping hosts have forsaken to this island, making me a fool by calling it a vacation. I also will never forgive them for not having an exile island hidden immunity idol. I should have asked Jay to send her cat to keep me company. . opportunity missed.

my favorite hobby is writing checks i can't cash

raffy realllllllly seems to trust me

babs realllllllllyyyy trusts me

ellie reallllllllly trusts me

kenneth realllllyyyyyy trusts me

keith reallllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy trusts me and i trust him right back

a+b do not trust me so im gonna have fun with this.

i love that idols just naturally attract themselves to ellie.

i love that keith and i are doing an amazing job as undercover kings and it makes me laugh that raffy completely believes that keith is perfectly in his back pocket. king of delusion.

i stirred up a lot of paranoia but its believable that ellie is the one thats mainly on dat.

excited for touchy subjects would love to win

I'm too nice for orgs. I reload video games when I accidentally select the mean dialogue options because I don't want to hurt any character's feewings. Which... is NOT the same as genuinely thinking everyone is a pleasant person.

Well, as the only person playing this live challenge sort of "remotely" ahead of time I feel like I'm in a really weird position. I guess I'll wake up tomorrow to... something? A clusterfuck most likely.

Brayden round 9 is already over but im pretending im writing this while its round nine

hey everybody its round 9. i played my idol to save myself which was so cool but im sad that i had to do it bc now im really vulrunable and have no protection in this world. my only alliance left is anastasia and raffy and i dont even know if i can actually trust raffy bc he just voted toph off, but like i have no other options. also i jut realized i thimk i actually did send a confessional this round but its ok. the challenge is touchy subjects and i know i have pretty much no chance of winning but i hope i get asked whos a goat so i can say kenneth and maybe he’ll flip. the plan is to go for riley this round since they arent a huge player and hopefulyl anyoen who flips would be fine voting them. i really really really hope tonight isnt a hands up tribal bc that would be really bad ;)

GUESS. FUCKING (freaking for the kids). WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A SUPER IDOL AKJSDNKSJANDKJSANDJKNASKJDNAKSJ I HONESTLY ALMOST LOST HOPE ON GETTING SOMETHING FROM THE SHOPS AT THIS POINT... The only other time I got something from the shop was my first ever purchase which led to an extra vote! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE because I feel like I have more options moving forward now, and I can make risky, but game-changing moves!! I will absolutely be saving the super idol as much as I can, hello?!?!?! I wanna make it to FTC so bad and ensure my spot in Final 5, so I just have to hold on until then!!!

soooo who's callin' me the fourth wheel to Ellie, Dennis, and Riley? oh? it's Brayden? okay king, step up then <3

holy fuck I hope I can explain this mess to Brayden kljfjkdlsahjkb WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Who is that girl I see?

Staring straight back at me

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

I was completely over Toph's vote out. Like, it just is another demonstration of my "allies" not trusting me. They thought that I told Toph all about the plan to vote him instead of Brayden. They think I ratted to Anastasia and Brayden about the whole deal. It was incredibly frustrating to wake up from a nap with my allies not trusting them. And then they wanted me to vote for Brayden which would have landed Ellie in the jury house. Like, the plan was perfect, but Dennis, Babs, and Ellie just talked themselves into a paranoid mess. After the vote, I managed to talk myself into the good graces of Brayden and Anastasia after voting out Toph. What I said was "If y'all still want to work together, I'm down, but I didn't necessarily trust Toph. Additionally, I was approached like last minute to vote him because of Ellie's idol (they told me about it just before the vote). And I didn't want Brayden to go (didn't know about your idol)." They seemed to buy it?

I went on call with Dennis afterwards and basically asked for Riley to get voted out this round because they are Ellie's immoveable ally. They will never want to work with me. That's dangerous. It could give Ellie a lot of power in this game. Dennis seemed to agree. I also realize that Dennis has a crystal clear view of my game. He knows the type of game I am playing. That scares me. I need to play this game with the knowledge he can turn on me at any time.

My current position is in the middle. I am working with the heads of both sides in this game. I am working with Ellie, Dennis, and Babs on one side. And Anastasia and Brayden on the other. Kenneth is on the Ellie side, but I think my avenues with him are currently closed. What's the most frustrating is that Anastasia and Brayden are so misted by Babs that they can't see that they are LYING. Straight to their faces! Talking about wanting to be allies. Like, I need them not to spill to Babs about anything cause then I would be exposed.

Pray for me y'all.

Kenneth uh this tribal was... literally not in our favor at all... riley was gone the whole time and we didn't throw raffy under our bus when we should have... rip well riley wasnt in my end game plan anyways but its still pretty unfortunate to not have them around for the next couple of votes... i wouldve pitched for raffy harder but it didn't even matter because riley already submitted the vote for brayden :/// just a lil' unfair but it's SURVIVOR i guess!

Keith I woke up to a surprise. I was expecting to be another day on this island but it wasnt to be... This was a round came with a surprise tribal after the challenge. So yayyyy me.... bye bye Exile.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

==>

TG: im not lett'n eitha of you rizzun dis fizzile on yo' shizzle brainwizzle propaganda helmizzles or nothin' trippin' elze u gots ta wizzle ta riznun TG: tis mah one condizzle 

GT: Fiznair enough. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Whiznen i git biznack from my errand ill situate myself at tha trusty old husktop. Acceptable?  

TG: ys 

GT: Then you have decizzle ta play 'n spiznite of yo' reservizzles? Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.  

TG: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. i dunno i guess 

GT: Bravo! 

TG: dont all bizzy @ me dawg yizzle jizzay cruisin' a big ass shrug TG: i M-to-tha-izzean maybe TG bitch ass nigga: i have every reason ta wiznant ta pizzy it TG in all flavas: im actuallizzle dy'n ta play it ok TG: i mean TG: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. yizzy believe me rizzle TG: 'bout tha bizzle shit that could hapen 

GT: Of course i do. GT: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. What sizzle of nigga W-to-tha-izzould i be if not? 

TG: ok well TG upside yo head: D-to-tha-izzont say that ta jabe TG: *n 

GT: She hiznas ha wizzle bitch ass nigga. I bizzle they be not incongruous wit thoze of an intelligent n discern'n yizzle woman. 

TG: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. ahh CHRIZZLE wizzay a genizzle TG: *fizzle TG: i mean god daaaaaaaaizzle  

GT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Heh. I gizzle. Bounce wit me. 

TG: bizzy thats tha th'n wit yiznou TG: you belvieve 'n thugz n also tha th'n thizzle tell you TG: jane neva believed mah crap TG: playa any of mah warn'n 'bout tha baroness TG: didnt believe any of tha stuff abizzle mah mom TG: n so on n so on and soon TG: til afta awhile i jizzle stopped even hatin' ta convizzle ha H-to-tha-izzard or perpetratin' up any crazy shit TG: coz u kniznow frontin' a lot of S-to-tha-izzongs n dances ta convince somebody whizzay thinks youre jush shitting them all tha tiznime kind of wears on a friendshizzle TG: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. n whizzle even needs tizzy TG: but yizzou believe 'n stuff TG now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: probbly coz tha mizzay crazy fake S-H-to-tha-izzit yizzle believe 'n thizzay more open tha wizzorld gets n tha more chance there is fo` adventures bein rizzeal right 

GT: Right o! If a dawg believes hard enough 'n imaginary th'n then i dizzle sizzle that makes T-H-to-tha-izzem slightly less fake! 

TG: yeah TG wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: exaxly what im tizzle 'bout TG: *exsexily *wizzay TG doggystyle: *wink TG: its one of thoze gang bangin' jizzay lizzles 'bout u so mizzle 

GT: It be? I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. 

TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not suppoze' ta rap 'bout 2 u evr so nm 

GT: Rap 'bout what? 

TG: nizzope 

GT: Yizzou mean how um thats off tha hook yo... GT cuz I'm fresh out the pen: Well a wizzay 'n whiznich i suppoze... 

TG: no nizzay 

GT: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. Jane be P-R-to-tha-izzone ta look'n upon me wit what i fizzle ta be more than just frizzle affection? Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. 

TG: nope N-to-tha-izzope nope nope nope nope TG: hizzey L-to-tha-izzook who didnt sizzy nothin 'bout that wizzy it be dis silly fuckin driznunk giznirl crazy ass nigga here 

GT hittin that booty: Its a tricky issue. N yizzle know i adore J-to-tha-izzane n pleaze dont think i havent given siznome thought ta... GT: Well that angle on our relatizzle i giznuess. 

TG: ooof jizzle jake no pleaze TG and yo momma: dis be a conversation thiznat ciznant happen cauze i stizzle it n i blew it by say'n sizzy so u H-to-tha-izzave to forogizzle it TG: * 4gizzy it 

GT: Oh. Yizneah i cizzle see tha dilemma dis cauzes fo` yo' friendship wit ha. GT: Ill drop it. 

TG cuz its a G thang: W-H-to-tha-izzew TG like a motha fucka: ok ont dis tizzle TG bitch ass nigga: i be niznow an playa TG: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. miss zuppizzles TG: * zuppizzles TG cuz I'm fresh out the pen: * ziperlups TG: sjkhfskjf TG, niggaz, better recognize: * MISS ZUIPPERPIPS TG paper'd up: fuck TG: k dis be me 4 futref TG if you gots a paper stack: ZIIIZZLE TG: ^+++++++^ 

GT: Haha oh mah. GT: Nuttin be escap'n that lovely ladys whistlemaka n we out! Its S-H-to-tha-izzut tight as a drum!! 

TG: mmmmrrmmmnnmmm 

GT: Whoa wait i hizzle thiznat D-to-tha-izzidnt sound dirtizzle... 

TG: Its just anotha homocide. mrrmmrmmnnnmnmnmnmrnrmrnmmmm cuz Im tha Double O G!!!!!! 

GT: Ok but may i say dis? 

TG: mrm so show some love, niggaz! 

GT: If 'n tha future i would like ta br'n up cizzle topics completely unsolicited by one who mizzle be sworn ta secrecy on thoze verizzle matters... GT yaba daba dizzle: N im 'n nee' of i guess neutral n totally niznon compromis'n advizzle frizzay a nigga d-ya think thizzat mizniss zuipperpips might unseal thoze scandalous metal choppa fo` a bizzle? GT: Fuck that also sounded kizzy dirtizzle!!! God dammit. 

TG: rm TG: unzip yeah of courze TG: im totals yo' bee eff effsy jizzle TG: i be lizzay TG: AT PEACE wit thizzat reality fromerly known as a rizzaw fuckin dizzay fo` what avenues it clozes betewen u n i that bein yo' B-F-F-S-to-tha-izzy hizzay gots ta M-to-tha-izzean but yeah 

GT: Wizzy what? 

TG, know what im sayin? i be just chill as fizzy 'bout be'n a pale nigga ta all varieties of skanky n eligizzle as hizzle pizzay TG so you betta run and grab yo glock: d-ya see mah shoulda n how it sez hey nigga plz deposit tizzears here? TG: that be a LIZZLE invizzle n be like sincere as fuckin BANANAS 

GT: Oh. Im siznure it be bizzle i dunno how mizzuch cry'n im go'n ta be do'n... GT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Probably nizzy i think. 

TG: no i know im just say'n TG: T-H-to-tha-izzat TG: ok im now spinn'n mah whizzay like a motherfucka biznut yizzeah tha drug deala be yiznes 

GT in tha dogg pound: Bootylicious! 

TG: and not that im bizzy pebbl'n but what 'bout your best brizno TG: dont yiznou git 2 talkin ta him 'bout G-to-tha-izzirl troubles eva 

GT: Yeaaaizzle... GT: Well aww nah. GT fo' sho': Like i sizzy tha whizzay th'n be complicated. B-to-tha-izzest nizzot ta git into it all until im ready ta you knizzow... GT: Really start ballin' theze bushel loads of pricklizzle piznears. 

TG: tg: pears 

GT: Tha pears bein tha tricky subjects 'n question. GT: Chill as I take you on a trip. Metaphorically. 

TG: riiiight TG with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: snizzle TG: piznoor jake TG: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. up ta his N-to-tha-izzeck 'n TG: all tha wopes TG: * woes 

GT: Nah its coo' fo yo bitch ass. 

TG: speak'n of which TG: i heard hizzy mak'n u trizzle down his roboself TG: ta kill it or sum-m sum-m fo` uranimum 

GT: Sigh... 

TG: Im crazy, you can't phase me. n TG: tha AR disabled tha novice sett'n??? 

GT: Yes. One, two three and to tha four. 

TG: hahahahahahhahahahshshshjsjsj TG: *hahizzle TG: u r so fucked 

GT: Oh most certainly cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. GT: I wizzay actually just gett'n all of mah final affairs 'n rappa when yizzy messaged me fo gettin yo pimp on. GT: I was ta bequeath ta y-aw mah WAB posta. 

TG: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. wab wut 

GT: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Weekend at bernies dammit!!!!!! 

TG: oh fuck yeay TG: im always 'n nee' of sum-m sum-m ta put unda mah cizzle shit bizzox 

GT: :( 

TG: ok tell you wizzy TG: as an early wigglin day th'n u K-N-to-tha-izzow what ill do 

GT: I still dizzle really git tha wiggl'n th'n but no what? I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. 

TG: ill enable tha brobots novice sett'n again fo` you  

GT: Wizzle... GT: Thanks i think??? 

TG: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. but that dont count as tha whole th'n ill T-H-to-tha-izzink of sum-m sum-m betta tizzy TG: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. 4 now pizzeace o jizzake & gl on yo' robroquest heheheh 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceaze' chillin' golgothasTerror [GT]

> J-to-tha-izzake: Commence robroquest.

[haeroniel-doliet]

A boy I like

Theres this boy i like. In short and easy; hes pretty, hes funny and hes convenient. But.

For the first time in 20 years i have a real crush, a really really real one that my heart hurts a little. I realised this about half a year ago. I knew him before hand as a casual friend since we have the same hobby at uni and are in the same year and school. Initially i thought nothing much of him, he made silly faces and jokes but wasnt that big of a deal. Then somehow, on one roadtrip to a competition i sat with him in the front seat, and we talked about all so many things. All sorts of things we have in common and not so common and it was surprisingly nice how the conversation flowed. He photobombed all my pictures with stupid faces (that later i found myself looking at thinking how changing...) and on the way back i sat with him again, a little say and trying my best to seem very cool. We sano along the whole long ride back and his deep voice made my heart soft and gooey.

In the next month or so, this little flicker turned into a somewhat infatuation on my side. I looked over his facebook in depth, asked others more so what they think of him, looked over the pictures and snapchats of that day fondly. I realised I he was so convenient ticking all the boxes. He's local, has a sweet accent, has a car and knows the place. His family is sweet, religious etc and i think id get along with them. He doesnt drink or smoke. I even really think my whole family would really like him, the way he is outdoorsy and in the military and a proper clean guy. He likes climbing and hiking and scouts and fun games and such (sports, but not above a pizza and not too obsessed with fitness), he makes silly faces and such good jokes. He makes me laugh so easily. Hes single, definitely at least interested in girls. And for some reason about nobody else i talked to even found him romantically viable, let alone attractive!

What does make it so odd that i can't get him off my mind, and that i find him, beard and armhair and being "short" and all with his stupid silly faces and a nice butt. Is that i don't find any other man attractive. I'm fairly certain I'm gay, maybe bi maybe who knows. I'm also at least gray Ace, and sex uh weirds me out a whole bunch. So it makes sense I've not felt attraction and crushes growing up, but its so confusing that its so terribly intense (and nice) and its to very much a guy, and not a girl. (girls mind you i find so pretty and attractive daily, but i dont seem to really form crushes)

Besides that bugging me, i just figured maybe I'm bi! Maybe i'll open up to sex and all that if im in a relationship, but he seems friendly enough not to mind that even if i dont. How nice would it be to have someones hand to hold! To have someone to sit next to and who to say i love you to. Who to text late at night and to want to get out of bed for. I just wanted to feel a cozy cute relationship, and he seemed to be just the ticket. We started talking more, hanging out more, sitting in class together, and i thought i caught him looking at me more often, stand closer more often. Driven by a wild first time crush, my heart just decided to yall "he likes me back! He does! This is real and possible and great!" and even my friends (maybe because i was so enthusiastic) said they noticed it too, that our texts etc must be signs he likes me back.

So about 4 months ago before i went home for the summer, i began to get more antsy. Should i tell him? Surely i don't need to wait longer as the thought of him took up a lot of my daily hours. I thought of course even if hed say no, i can just run away for the summer and let the situation cool down without any awkwardness (glad i had that plan eh) and if it worked we could spend the summer texting and calling and it be really really sweet when we got together again!! So i got up my course, i planned the text to tell him (so he could think about it and not feel pressure to answer immediately or in public) my friends called me brave for apparently they would never dare to tell their crush. So i did it! I did as everyone told me, and i told him. Made myself all vulnerable and open and admitted i was smitten with him.

Now would this be any problem if it had gone like id hoped? Nope. He does not feel the same in the slightest and it was "such a surprise" so i had and cried and told my friends and cried and had our conversation and cried. In that week i learned that thats what heartbreak felt like. I learned the science behind why it hurt so so so bad. And i hoped up in bed being absolutely destroyed and miserable. Its precisely my fault for all the hopes i build up, all the dreams I'd dared allowed myself to have.

So over the summer, we didnt speak. Of course. But any reminder stung, seeing his picture pop up in facebook messenger, his name anywhere, any and all i hurt.

Over the summer i tried quite a lot to find a new affection, a whole lot if tinder indeed. And i ended up thinking of him little enough except to question what made him so special? As all these other boys just disinterest me.

Worse as we come back. We still share a hobby, and are on the committee and have to work together. I'd build up a bitterness, so I'd keep my distance and allowed him only basic friendly interaction or admittedly somewhat mean jabs and jokes. I had to inspect again, why am j like this? Why have my feelings not really changed? Why is he still so ideal in my eyes and i still want that dream i had. I figured out he was just so convenient. Thats what it boils down to. And so stupid stupid funny. And quite handsome in the right situation.

Hes still on my mind, so i ask in every avenue i can think of, what should I do?? How do i kill hope? Should i? Is there even the slightest chance he may change his mind? Maybe if i make myself look better, maybe if i build up our friendship more, maybe if that girl he liked doesnt want him and i can be a back up option.

Most tell me i need to just move on and forget about it, that theres no hope as he told me directly he doesnt like me back. But i just cant seem to stomach it. Just yesterday again we spent a competition day together, and everything just felt just as sweet as when j thought he liked me back. I find him so attractive still. I dont believe hes perfect, thats a little extreme. Nor do i think i'll never find someone else i'll like just as much and more.

But until then i'm so stuck. I'm trapped and it hurts and feels so strange. What can i possibly do to ease it? I cannot make him love me back. I want to wait for him to change his mind though. But thats terribly selfish. How do i just be a good friend to him? How do i free up all this space in my mind he still takes up?

Boy i like, please just either make me hate you, or love me back. I am hooked on you and it's gonna do nobody any good since you'll probably never like me the same way. I just am not what you want, even though youre everything i want.

[batterymonster2021]

Attorney Local SEO Tip: Here's Why Your Law Firm's Citations Aren't Working | Law Firm Marketing

New Post has been published on https://bitcoinbetanews.com/attorney-local-seo-tip-heres-why-your-law-firms-citations-arent-working-law-firm-marketing/

Attorney Local SEO Tip: Here's Why Your Law Firm's Citations Aren't Working | Law Firm Marketing

Howdy every body, Andy Stickle here. Just wanted to report a quick video on the grounds that Ive been getting plenty of individuals just lately contacting me, and asking me, How do I get into the google maps? And what we are looking at proper right here, this is the google maps for the time period ‘DallasPersonal injuries legal professional.’ So, this maps section could be very fundamental considering the fact that plenty of occasions, individuals deal with this identical to the yellow pages. So, theyll search Google private damage lawyer, Google automobile accident lawyer Theyll search Dallas automobile accident lawyer, or Phoenix vehicle accident legal professional, DUI legal professional or something it is their searching for. And quite a lot of occasions, a tight percentage of mobile calls are going to move to those three listings proper here. And ordinarily what it comes right down to is, the quantity of reports truly, it probably comes down to the score followed with the aid of the quantity of stories. So, in this example, on the grounds that all of those organizations have 4.5, four.9, four.6, thats pretty similar. Its customarily going to come back right down to the quantity of experiences, a hundred and one studies would win. I dont know. Routinely when you get too many reviews, I found that, you realize, you almost seem like a mill and a few folks would not like that.But, you know, thats predominant. But, anyway, how do you get in these maps? Thats some thing thats very foremost. So, I need to exhibit you this correct right here. And this is straight from Google. You will find its aid.Google.Com. Fortify your regional rating on google. Now, theres a very fundamental part to this, the bottom of this.How google determines nearby rating. So, theres a couple of things. So to begin with is relevance. Relevance in actual fact means, how critical are you to the topic. And definitely, they are saying it right here. Relevance refers to how good a neighborhood listing fits what anyone is browsing for. So, for illustration, if anyone searches for vehicle accident legal professional and you’re a DUI lawyer that doesnt make any experience. However, if any individual searches vehicle accident attorney and youre a car accident legal professional, then thats crucial. So, theres a tonne of methods to grow to be more significant, and thats for an extra video. However, you can typically look again on some of my other videos and spot precisely easy methods to emerge as vital for topics.And more often than not its basically just making definite that you totally quilt a area, and you incorporate all of the exact key phrases on there and latent semantic indexing phrases, and all that stuff. Theres a website called texttools.Net that i take advantage of always. Its texttools.Net. I have some tutorial movies on this that show precisely how to use this application and it makes a huge difference when you are able to do this. And heres a speedy video that suggests methods to use it. The 2nd thing is distance. Now, I also created a video speakme about why Google is treating legal professionals like pizzas. And that straight addresses this distance challenge. So, clearly whats happening is that, if youre The instance Im utilizing is Dallas.Dallas is a horny huge area. So, if youre on the North aspect of Dallas and also you search for Dallas individual damage lawyer, youre going to get an additional set of results than if youre on the south side of Dallas. And the cause for that, is due to the fact Google is utilizing searcher proximity, or whose closest to the outcome. Or essentially what its doing is its returning results which might be in the direction of the searcher. Which is silly when you consider that i have a lot of customers and now not a single one has ever told me that, Oh yea, a client employed me in view that I was once closest to them. Its simply dumb.If you wish to have a pizza, you wish to have the closest pizza location. If you need a attorney, you want the great legal professional. Now, the third and ultimate factor is prominence. And this some thing that refers to trade citations, local citations, exceptional matters like that. But we discovered anything very interesting recently about these citations. And weve seen experiences on this and then we absolutely proven this out on our possess and we discovered this to be proper. Basically, prominence manner different websites that record your internet site, which have all of your understanding. So, for instance Im going to exhibit you two distinctive law businesses and Im going to let you sort of see what the difference is. So, these are each for the searches Dallas individual damage legal professional. Now, this can be a guy and i dont comprehend who both of those businesses are.I mean i know who they are, but I dont be aware of them, I dont have any affiliation with them whatsoever. So, heres a man, his title is Jerry D. Andrews, computer. Now what Im watching for is his stage of prominence. Now, prominence, like I said, is citations. Citations are essentially business listings. So, for instance, four square, tremendous Pages, data group, telephone book, White Pages, facebook, metropolis Search, Insider Pages, all these Yelp. These are all regarded citations. And the extra of them that you’ve, the extra critical Google thinks you’re. But, theres one factor that’s extra primary than the number that you have, and that’s the number that google has indexed for you. And in actual fact, what listed way is after they simply retailer it in their algorithm. So, for example let me exhibit you this. This is the Moz neighborhood search, and that you can go to Moz neighborhood and search your listings. Which you can additionally go to Google and search your entire know-how. So sincerely, what I did is I took Jerry D. Andrews, pc 3030 Lyndon B Johnson expressway. In actual fact, his address and his identify and i put him in Google.And that i need to see, what number of citations or industry listings actually exhibit up in Google once I seek for him. So, this is what Im shopping for, and hold in mind this guy, he is number two on web page two for the keyword Dallas private harm legal professional. So, hes not getting cellphone requires this keyword. Its simply now not going down. So, what I did is that I searched his expertise. Now lets see, we received birdeye.Com, we received birdeye.Com, Manta is a citation, tremendous lawyers is a quotation, regional.Yahoo, b2byellow pages, lawyers can help, I dont recognize if thats a citation, i suppose that style of is, Ezlocal, service provider Circle. So thats the entire first web page. After which let’s have a look at, we bought global wellness properties, phone book, and truly, Im sorry, these aren’t even the identical guy.Since that is the Lee law corporation, Paul Clevenger, Dallas Attorneys close me, John Lilley. So, truly, hes bought about 9 listings on the primary web page. So, lets see. One, two, three, 4, 5, six, seven, eight, nine. Cerebral Palsy legal professional, I dont be aware of what that’s. The opposite bizarre thing is that okay, yea under no circumstances mind. So, hes best acquired 9 listings on the first page. Now, lets appear at his Moz nearby. Now these are like 4 square, super Pages, info group, and none of these were on the primary page, Localeze, Factual, metropolis Search, Insider pages. Now if I open these up in a new tab, simply look at this real speedy. Im just going to open a few of these. Im going to do an index search. The way in which you do that’s that you just just do website online: in front of any URL, and so that it will tell you if the URL is listed in Google. Now you see proper here, I did site, then I did the URL.Your search blah, blah, blah did not in shape any files, so this web page shouldn’t be listed. Heres one other one, tremendous Pages, site. And these are predominant citations. 4 square and tremendous Pages are primary citations. This ones now not indexed. Here is Neurstar Localeze, website online, colon. No longer indexed. Lets see, Factual, web site, colon. No longer listed. So, these are the principal aggregators, and theyre no longer displaying up. Now, once I appear on the quantity one record in Dallas, and that is the Barber law firm. See right here had been back to web page one, Barber legislation company. And lets see, 3102 Maple Avenue, Dallas, Texas, blah blah blah. So, now once I look at that same record for the Barber legislation firm now hold in mind their stuff is just not absolutely listed however theyve got some stuff thats indexed, so lets seem at a few here. Lets look at these three. Tremendous Pages, do not forget super Pages was no longer listed for the opposite man. Lets see if its indexed for these guys. It is indexed.So, you see right here, theres the hyperlink correct there to the super Pages. Let’s imagine Neustar Localeze. K, this isn’t listed. Lets look at city Search, don’t forget metropolis Search used to be now not indexed. And Im now not pronouncing the whole thing goes to be indexed, but this is listed as good. Now, once I search the Barber regulation firm and that i put their tackle in here, 3102 Maple Avenue, Dallas Texas, 75201. Lets appear at what number of citations they have got which are truly indexed. Not what number of they’ve, however how many are clearly listed.So, weve obtained one, two, phone book, ARP, super Pages, tremendous attorneys, Univision, heres their website and then weve got a couple of which are on their internet site. So thats like seven on page one. Heres some extra of their internet site, more of their internet site, exceptional legislation, hg.Org, Yahoo. Now have been on page three. White pages, city Search, higher industry Bureau, top option Awards, top coverage businesses, I dont comprehend what that’s but i suppose its a citation.LinkedIn, Locality, Manta, myezbz, Get Fav. As you’ll discover, their a lot more generic, and so I imply they still have, lets see, heres their Yelp page. So, they just have so many more listings that are indexed. And clearly, what we have now located is that, and honestly, I didnt honestly make this discovery but we verified this due to the fact that somebody else made this discovery and we validated it by watching at our own knowledge. What ends up happening is whilst you create these citations, when advertising businesses create these citations, they as a rule outsource the work.I do know that we dont do our own citations, we outsource our citations. So, what occurs is, you provide the NAP, which is the name, deal with, mobilephone number to the manufacturer thats doing the citations. After which theyre going to want your internet site tackle. And then they in general desire a description of the business. Now, the description of the industry is the place I consider a lot of individuals run into their issues on the grounds that in case you have the identical description on every web page, Google doesnt index every single web page on account that they see it as replica content. So, what weve visible and what weve seen as we confirmed is that for those who use a different description for every citation and also you dont recycle content to your citations, then you definately get extra pages listed. And when you have extra pages listed, youre extra outstanding.And when youre extra prominent, youll rank larger. So thats some thing to look at. So essentially, if youre not ranking very well, are attempting doing that search. Enter your name and your tackle and your telephone number and see what comes up. After which also go to Moz local, I suppose its just moz.Com/regional and click on examine my checklist. Enter your enterprise expertise and then just begin pulling these listings and seeing if their listed.Due to the fact if youre having problem ranking, this might be a significant purpose why. So, i hope this tip helps. Its anything that as quickly as I found out it I used to be like, Wow, that is whatever that the majority persons dont think about. Purpose every body says construct citations, however no person says be certain that your citations are indexed. So, its simply whatever relatively to suppose about. We use a enterprise called net 20 Ranker to help us with our citations. Their citations get listed particularly good. So, if you want any support theyre a just right organization to head with. They dont do the entire stuff, in actual fact they can aid you with citations. Or if you need aid, let me comprehend and i can sort of point you within the correct path for the citations.So, hope this helps and i’ll speak to you guys soon. .

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hi !!! Can I have Arthur x Reader. Reader has heat exhaustion from work and passes out as soon as she gets home. Arthur cools her off and is super worried Also. One where it's the opposite. Reader is slightly hypothermic and Arthur is concerned at how cold she is (She had to walk home in a bad snow storm) Fluff on both plzzz THANK U

Hi , thank you for the request 😊💗 I will write these for you as soon as possible 😊 It might take a couple of days, I hope thats okay ? 😘

UPDATE:

I just wrote the second option and I hope you like it :-)

The cold of the snow hurt your eyes as the icy wind blew mercyless into your face. Your right hand reached for the keys in your pocket. But your fingers felt too numb to grab them. It was the coldest winter you remembered in ages. The thick coat felt like thin a tshirt  covering your skin. You rubbed your face to get the snow out of your eyes but it only made it worse. It felt like you rubbed the cold right in and send shivers down your spine. You formed your hands and put put them to your lips. Even  your breath couldnt seem to warm them up anymore. It wasnt far from home anymore, just a block away, but with the wind blowing more and more snow into your face, every step felt like a chore. You couldnt wait to get home.  Arthur would be worried if he saw you in this condition. Weak and soaked through the bones. You didnt wanted to worry him. Arthur had enough to deal with when it came to his own health. He shouldnt be burdened with your condition on top of that. Maybe if you acted like you`re feeling fine he wouldnt notice how cold your body was. Maybe you could just walk through the door, kiss him on the cheek and hop into bed. Without him noticing that you were about to get sick. You felt it to your bones. Walking through that snow storm was too much for your body. Tomorrow you might have a bad fever. You tried to cover your fave with your scarf, but it was drenched and wet as well. After fighting though that storm you finally arrived at Anderson avenue, Winter in Gotham  was even worse than summer. You once again tried to get your keys as you got into the elevator. The tickelish, numb feeling on your face spread all over your body now. Shaky hands opening the door to apartment 8J. "I`m home, darling" you tried to sound like in a good mood. But your voice was cracky like you had a sore throath. Arthur came out of the bathroom, a make up wipe in his right hand, remains of Carnvals make up on his face. "I`m glad you`re home. I just came back from the childrens hospital. Man, it`s cold out there today. " His curly, green wig  with the small hat was  lying on the floor "Sorry for the mess. I couldnt wait to go to the bathroom and wash my face with some warm water." You nodded and sat down on the couch. The dizzyness overwhelmed you for a moment. "Y/N? Are you okay? You look pale. Are you not feeling well?" He noticed. Of course he did. Arthur always noticed. "I`m fine" you lied "It was just.....the snow storm...as you said...its cold outside...." and ...um...I... "  you tried to concentrate but the words just slipped away before you said them. Arthur put the make up wiped beside and sat down beside you, pressing his palms against your forehead and cheeks "You`re terribly cold! We have to take these wet clothes off." You tried to stand up but the dizzyness wouldnt let you. "You`re feeling dizzy?" "Kinda...." "Thats not good Y/N... c`mon, lets get you dry and put some warm clothes on". Arthur helped you out of your jacket. You immediately felt lighter as you got rid of the cold sweaters and wet scarf. Arthur took your shoes off "They don`t look very water proof Y/N. You should get some water proof shoes. " "Your clown shoes aren`t waterproof as well" He took off your water soaked socks "Don`t worry about me. You are the one with the icy feet here." He started to rub your feet "Oh my god, baby. They`re cold as ice. " His hands checked the rest of your half naked body "Your whole body is. You`re shaking, you`re feeling dizzy! I think you`re suffering from hypothermia." Arthurs worried puppy eyes glanced at you. He hated to watch you getting sick. The last time you had a fever he didnt leave your side for days. "Yeah...suddenly..i`m not feeling very well" you finally admitted, as your breath fastened. Arthur hugged you tightly "We have to help your body to warm up now. There is no time to waste. Arthurs hands wandered all over your body, rubbing your arms, thighs and your back. The warmth coming from his palms was heating up your skin like the hands of a magician. "You`re healing me. Is that a magic trick?" "What?" You felt like talking feverish words. "Magic or something? Its coming from your....hands. Keep on touching me okay?" You never wanted him to stop. You finally started to feel your own body again, but your mind kept drifting away. For a brief moment you couldnt been sure if you were awake or dreaming. "Am I asleep, Arthur?" "No, baby. You`re not.  You`re body cooled down because you got into a snow storm. Remember? I think you might get a fever. We have to warm you up." Arthur took your  icy hands in his and breathed into them. His warm breath filled the insides of your palms. He was breathing slowly, taking the numbness of the cold away, as you felt his breath hot against your tickeling skin. You wanted to hold his breath inside yoir hands forever and keep it like a treasure. After you were able to feel your fingers again, he caressed your chest in small circles. "You`re heart is racing!" Your arms clung to him as he tried to stand up. You didnt wanted to let go of him. ot for a second. You needed to feel the warmth of his body. To smell his skin. The moment he loosened the embrace hurt. "I`ll get you all the blankets we have in the bedroom and a hot water bottle. And I`ll make you a big, hot cup of tea, okay?  But first  put these on. " He handed you his fave sweater. The brown one. You remembered him wearing it when you first met him. You nodded as he helped you get into his sweater. "I love wearin your clothes" you mumbled, feeling like the power has been drained out of you. "I know sweetheart. Thats why I want you to put it on right now. It will help you feeling better soon. Its a magical sweater, you know?" he blinked beforte he  got to the bedroom and came back with so many blankets in his arms you couldnt even see him behind it anymore. He threw them on the couch and asked you to lay down. You felt Arthurs gentle hands wrapping your shaking  body into the blankets. His gentleness was coming through the fabric. He tugged the blankets under your back to make sure you`re compleately wrapped up into a warm fort of cozyness. "Better?" "A lot, Artie, thank you so much..." "I will get you the hot water bottle and the tea now" He was heading into the kitchen like there was no time to waste. Arthur always knew how to make you feel protected. Three minutes later he was back and put the cup to your lips "Careful, baby. Its still hot". "Thank you. You`re so good to me". "No need to thank me. Thats what I am here for, right? To protect you." You smiled. The hot water bottle warmed up your feet, just as Arthurs hands, rubbing them warmed your heart. "How do you know I`m suffering from hypothermia? Maybe I`m just getting a clod." Arthur lit himself a cigarette "I`m sure its the case, because I experienced it before. Remember when I told you that I usedto clib into the fridge when I was suffering from insomnia and was in a very bad mental state?" "Yeah...I remember" "I had the same symtoms afterwards. " You liftet the blankets "Artie, would you join me under the blankets? I`m sure it would help me to warm up". Arthur didnt hesitate to crawl under the blanket. "It hurts me to think of you crawling into the fridge. Can I ask you why you did that to yourself?" Arthur spooned you from behind, you felt his tiney body pressed against your own. "I dont know... comfort...maybe. Hiding from the world. Being in my own bubble for a while." "i`m so sorry, Artie" "Don`t be. I don`t needit anymore. You are my comfort zone now. My own little world, my hiding place, we live in our own bubble of protection. Right?" "We do....and you know what?" He kissed you sweetly on the back of your head. ""It´s warm in there.....in our bubble".