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stray-tori · 4 years ago

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TPN S02E06 - Initial Thoughts (anime-only)

hhh everything went wrong with my reaction video this time - the video is lagging (so i replaced the screenrecording with the actual episode), also facecam broken so my friends won’t get to see me tearing up and the wrong mic input was recorded so I’m sorry for the shitty quality. I’m so upset :(

Edit: Google Drive Link! :)

I don’t even know what to really talk about because I liked everything?? it was such a good episode and I just... AHHH. I wish we had so much more of THIS. please give them more seasons.... ik its already too late for that but pleaseee fidusdj- they just... do so well when they adapt imo. the whole comparison panels I’ve seen of the interactions with Norman, I just... genuinely think it’s such a highpoint and they did so friggin well.

I just... I’m so sad this will likely be the last season. I hope we’ll get more, in whatever form. I know there’s the manga and unless we get an announcement about more anime content at light speed, I do plan on reading it! I just... I love the anime. And it’s art. The manga’s art is unique but the style isn’t my jam and some stuff just looks a bit too stylized for my liking hhhh-

That won’t stop me but... it does make me emotional, I guess.

Let’s hope they stay on this path now that they’ve joined back in with the manga, somewhat (still, you couldnt even give them 12 episodes??).

. the reunion

It gave me flutters!! it’s so nice and intimate and sweet and dusdhj- THE NORMAN SQUISH. And him noticing Emma’s ear is gone TvT Her sweet, kinda embarrassed “I left it back at home” efiojsd

also the clothing line here separates the two groups, alluding to the conflict between them later in the episode. They’re strangers on two sides, and Norman is the only connecting piece.

I didn’t really dislike anything aside from Ray being left out. I just wanted them both to run for him I guess :( though it makes sense to be more distant, he also was at the shipment itself but idk, it just makes Norman seem so,,, rude that he doesn’t acknowledge Ray at all until Emma is like “hey btw I brought him too” :”D

Slap kinda deserved, on multiple fronts haha-

Though the mutual “baka” calling between Norman and Ray was adorable duihdasjdas

. Emma’s arc

a few days ago, I made that whole “anime emma’s arc” post about her feeling useless and how that might come into play - and I do hope they address it and I think they kind of are? Because GF arc Emma was always ready to have her way, even if it seemed impossible.

Either way, I feel like part of why she didn’t speak up is kind of as alluded to, that she doesn’t feel like she has the right to when she doesn’t know any other way right now. And I hope that in the next few episode we will see her headstrong and do things and be pro-active and kind of challenge that and Norman.

. Norman (+ his crew)

It was kind of on the nose when Norman held that whole speech about what she had said before, a small hint to it would have been enough I feel like, for the audience -- because I think realizing that part of his motivation in all of this was just her words and that he wanted to do that for her (I think that’s the implication) is really sweet. He is kind of the carrier here and I hope that will change because it feels like we haven’t earned this bio weapon at all - which is okay, because it probably won’t be the solution, so it’s more of a plot-moving element than an actual solution. And I hope that whatever the solution really does entail will feel less like an ass-pull and more deserved.

I feel it may have been interesting to have a pov switch somewhere in ep4 or ep5 to Norman and what he’s been up to. The reveal was kind of “...? okay?” anyway so I feel like that would have made things a little interesting, but I also really enjoy getting to know his squad now.

I’m also HIGHKEY SUS (all alarm bells are ringing) at Norman being like “Oh I just did tests” like.... BABY. PRECIOUS SON, ARE YOU PRETENDING EVERYTHING’S FINE AGAIN?

The fact that Norman didn’t bother explaining further just solidifies (to me, anyway) that he’s avoiding talking about it somewhat. He spoke about it very distantly and from an objective viewpoint.

Alone getting that tattoo on his chest must have hurt a lot. So. Please, give me a lot of angst, CW.

I hope both him and his crew will get some flashbacks or trauma moments to really solidify how badly they’ve been treated (and deliver some juicy angst).

I really loved the close-up on the meat Barbara was eating in that scene too. I felt like it didn't even have to spell it out for us that they're eating demon meat but. Oh well - it was well conveyed but I guess the characters had to confirm.

I also love that whole part about how he’s always cold to them auidhjhs - I really do feel like making a gif out of that haha.

Lambda person: “Boss?” Norman: “What? :/” Emma/Ray: “Norman!” Norman: “Yes? :)”

Also only vaguely related but what’s with people who are made to be eaten, in a state of “dead??? who knows” and then coming back as a “boss” :D Yes I’m talking about beastars.

. Mujika

Norman called her the “evil-blooded girl” and the old guy called the temple “evil-blooded” too. And he said it wasn’t a place for kids to be --- and he likely assumed that they were demon kids.

Also some nice clue before we even know to connect Mujika with the temple.

A demon temple that’s “evil-blooded” and too dangerous for demon kids?

It could just be because it’s a ruin, but he IS praying for the world to change there. Mujika seems to be able to maintain her form without eating humans, so maybe that’s what this is all aiming towards.

I guess it also means that the statue with the violet veil is Mujika??? She does have purple hair I suppose.

At first, I was surprised that Norman recognized her just by the description - there’s more than one demon girl :D but I guess only one demon girl who doesn’t need to eat humans? - and I thought he may have crossed paths with her.

But for that to be the case AND for him to assume she’s alive because Emma and Ray have met her, it can’t mean he actually MET her. Because well, RayEm met her like 2 months after his shipment. Assuming he didn’t break out immediately, he couldn’t have met AND tried to do something to her (likely kill). So my guess is that she’s some sort of legend or diety or just like, commonly known and she’s supposedly dead and he’s shocked because she isn’t.

He also first asked “where did you hear about that?” assuming he also only heard about it. Norman's reaction to them having met them also isn't "when?" (so he could confirm if it was after or before his supposed encounter with her), it's shock that they met her AT ALL. Which to me, implies that she's supposedly dead (which lines up with the temple in ruin, so something happened to her line, or whatever she's a part of). And since Norman couldn't have met her before their escape (Mujika hasn't seen a human when they meet the GF escapees), that's my conclusion.

Assuming she’s dead also makes sense since her (religion’s) temples seem to be in ruin. maybe that’s why no other demons seem to have that ability (that we know of), because it was lost when her presence was destroyed (therefore the ruins) or something of the sort.

She’s never seen a human before apparantly though, so I’m not sure what exactly that means. She doesn’t seem to have wanted freedom for humans prior to meeting them either (she only seemed hesitant about eating them after all that), so I’m not sure what her own motivation in having that sort of religion would even be.

There’s of course also sonju, so maybe it is after all a religion-thing? Who knows-

As I’ve talked about before, I think it makes a lot of sense if the demons are part of the solution, I’m just really curious what that solution actually entails for the demons / what exactly Mujika is. I still think it’s plausible that another promise between Mujika and Emma will happen, considering the narrative mirroring TPN does a lot.

. other random stuff

there’s mass production farms! I shouldn’t be surprised, but I hope we get to know more about those (likely not since yknow 5 episodes left and all that)

I also liked how they showed the different plants while talking about it, mirroring how we too mutated plants and some animals to further benefit our needs and exploitation...

The pep talk from Ray was good and the sunrise was SO BEAUTIFUL, TAKE ME NOW ANIMATORS

generally the animation, especially in the trio scene and the lambda squad hideout scenes, was so BEAUTIFUL

I liked that I kept joking about how the WM system was rly insecure if a random guy just dropped the pen for Krone to find, but NOW WE HAVE CONFIRMATION IT WAS INTENTIONAL and Smee is truly the MVP / big brain puppet master of this series.

It did seem kind of weird that Norman just left like "yeah this will probably be discovered soon. anyway, I'm leaving you here to go to my base, see ya" - LIKE BRO TAKE THEM WITH YOU SO YOU CAN PROTECT THEM IF THEY SHOW UP LIKE, TONIGHT

#tpn s2 #tpn anime #tpn #tpn anime-only #tpn theory #tori talks #tori has opinions

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glorywaited · 4 years ago

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☽ / @thiefreign : das ship meme SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU : ( accepting !! )

thank u for enabling me n my daily sole source of serotonin with these two !! ihu cause i love all our millions of verses so.... mmmaybe i’ll throw in some specifics...

Who said “I love you” first : it’s usually eugene tbh -- but iirc cass drunkenly confessed in our canon verse but neither remembered that so does it count idk... n cass tbh probably yells it at him out of frustration in my street raised verse because he is the worst but usually she waits for him n they pine after each other forever because they’re absolute idiots...the smartest idiots... but eugene generally breaks first because he’s him && as far as saying the actual phrase...that’s always eugene because ykno cass has to go through her ‘me too’ phase of just responding with ‘me too’ n actually fully meaning it entirely but terrified to say it dhajmd

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background : eugene. always. especially with model cass because like...look at her. but honestly any modern cass usually has him on her home screen especially the pic from that one time she tried to take a pic of him peacefully n cutely sleeping n dropped her phone on his face...

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror : both but cass probably started it when they were fwb n he was being annoying after shower sex n talking too much n going to do his usual skincare routine n everything n before he could wipe the fog away she drew on a moustache unibrow n devil horns n now they do that to each other n leave little notes or terrible drawings in the corners of the mirror. for pjo / hp / any teen verse tbh they probably just do that to each other a lot n it’s always way more ridiculous drawings or notes n she probably just writes ‘dork’ all the time so he sees it later

Who buys the other cheesy gifts : eugene does cause he’s good at cheesy n cass is not but she’d probably buy him things as a joke tbh. generally she’ll give him practical / thoughtful gifts out of nowhere just because she saw it or saw he was running out of something n refilled it for him, things like that.

Who initiated the first kiss : tbh it’s usually eugene or it’s one of those mutual things where they both end up leaning in n before they can really think it through they’re already kissing followed by a soft pull away, look at each other n then going back in because oops they opened a faucet they cant shut off. but every time eugene initiates no matter the verse it always surprises the hell out of cass cause she just does not think he likes her, especially verses where they’re teens n the denial is high but she always kisses back immediately n usually always initiates the second kiss

Who kisses the other awake in the morning : eugene started it but cass really, really enjoys whenever he does. it startles her the first time in any verse, especially our canon verse since she’s so jumpy but she definitely starts doing it too whenever she wakes up first. she’ll brush his hair back gently n kiss him softly to wake him but every so often when she’s being a brat she’ll wake him up terribly by tickling his sides of blowing a raspberry on his neck....n other times she’ll wake him up by kissing his neck n generally attempting to initiate morning sex n she’s not sry about any of it :\\\

Who starts tickle fights : EUGENE. ALWAYS. in proooobably every verse...maaybe not hitman cause he’s edgy unless it’s like deeep into their relationship but :\\\ she hates it n she fights back every single time because she will NOT be the only one to suffer

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower : cass does not ask -- well, she sometimes asks if he wants her to join him -- but she does like sneaking into the shower with him because she likes showering together but she also likes being nasty so...

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch : i feel like both depending on the verse but i can see them both doing this for each other in most verses ?? in canon its cute to think about eugene surprising cass during her break from handmaiden duties with a small quick picnic tbh because the denial is hilarious n theyre like its just a FRIENDS LUNCH n everyons lke UH HUH THATS A DATE ?? n post series cass absolutely brings him food when hes working as captain. modern cass in like any of the verses she’s with actor eugene / flynn would bring him things to set even tho they have food but she just...wants an excuse to be around him lmao dhbajkmd especially any time model cass is visiting him when he’s filming but i can see him doing the same whenever she has shoots near him ??

Who was nervous and shy on the first date : oh cass is always nervous on the first date no matter the verse because she has intense abandonment issues n thinks shes gonna lose him n doesn’t deserve love so she’s Highkey nervous the whole time until he makes her laugh n calms her down cause he just...notices she’s rly tense tbh n that helps her a lot to just ease into it n have a good time with him. but it works both ways, she can tell if he’s ever nervous n he tends to get in his head a lot so she’ll calm him down too n just place a hand on him n get his focus on her

Who kills/takes out the spiders : cass takes all spiders gently in her hands n takes them outside. however...pjo cass is the only cass terrified of spiders because Child of Athena n eugene definitely takes the spiders away for her whenever she starts to panic n calms her down after n she feels silly for it bhdjasm

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk : eugene does, he’s a louder drunk than her n it’s way easier for him to yell that he loves her to everyone... but she also has the tendency to accidentally blurt out her feelings for him when she’s very, very drunk. or in actor eugenes case, he confesses to her while SHE’S blackout drunk n won’t remember :\\\

#thiefreign #「 🌙 ◜ thiefreign ◞ so go ahead && drive me insane; baby run your mouth; i still wouldn't change being stuck with you 」#[ this was me...showing restraint in just...rambling about them abby.... I LOVE THEM SO MUUUUUCH UGH ]#[ they make me so happy wtf sobs ]#[ i held myself back n did general n added specific differences in some verses but probably left out so much im A FRAUD ]#「 🌙 ◜ answered ◞ yet every horizon seems near 」#「 🌙 ◜ headcanons ◞ i know i was meant for glory 」#「 🌙 ◜ ooc ◞ u got this owl; make em wait for it...boom 」

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revol-lover · 5 years ago

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dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb)

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol) and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why?

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s.

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race.

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school.

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that.

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom?

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented. my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent.

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal.

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about

#personal

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t4tjonmartin · 5 years ago

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[alright this time instead of spamming the tags i'm gonna compile all my 3.04 thoughts in one post so that they're easier to ignore lmao]

okay there were definitely water + subtle storm sounds in the beginning of 3.04 along with the usual creaking sounds and?? idk if its just me noticing them for the first time but yeah the penumbra is definitely looking to be a big ship or something

one thing that i have been loving about how the writers approached olala's shapeshifting powers is that her tail (which is mostly the only way we've seen her exercise her powers uptil now) seems to be sentient? or atleast capable of making a noise which olala either understands or imagines as a language. especially given that shes a child its a really cute and fun way to show her interacting + trusting her powers not just as a part of herself but as a companion

the leaves are turning green. she must've escaped the wastes!! also love that in classic olala style her imagination picked up on that detail and is trying to figure what to make of it with her limited knowledge

another thing abt her imagination is the way she's doing the whole "squadron" thing. it seems like she doesn't like being alone, and that could infact be one of the reasons she's so imaginative (apart from the fact that she's. u know. a child)

ohh "top of our tree base" did i hear that right? olala can climb trees? (or....shapeshift to have wings)

me and olala: what do the cards mean WHAT DO THEY MEAN

ABZOWBZJS MARC!!!!!!!!!! MARC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH I MISSED HIM AAAAAAA

omg olala had never met a man before the intruder. she rly thinks all ppl w a low voice are the same person aww

oh no she thinks the monster marc is talking abt is her :'((

OHH shes exercising her powers again!! shes gonna try to scare marc this is not going to go well is it

DINOSAURS???? DINOSAURS????¿¿

DID SHE JUST THROW A MANGO AT MARC SKNDKENDKENDKEN ok ngl sometimes i wanna do that too she: is valid

she literally. grossed out marc into running away. a genius, a prodigy,

though....I'd never known marc to be so particular about this kind of stuff? I'd see that as more of a tal thing especially since marc must be pretty far from the citadel (SPEAKING OF, WHERE IS HE?? :'( until he makes an entrance im gonna imagine hes having a sweet time studying rocks and forests with sir angelo)

wait if olala wanted to lead the "intruder" away from the wastes & she achieved that then why is she following marc? (OOH prediction that while following marc they comes across the actual intruder maybe?)

OH NO OH NO MARC CAUGHT HER IN A TRAP ON NO OMG THEY'RE GOING TO MEET?? FINALLY????

so that's why marc was so quick to run, he was hoping the "monster" would follow? BUT ALSO "i had a mango thrown at my head that's a lot okay!!" MARC U DRAMA QUEEN

how is Marc so casual about finding olala lmao he just casually suggested that she might be a shape-shifter isn't olala supposed to be one of a kind MARC WHAT ARE YOU DOING SJSNSJJSJS

i like how they showed marc's conflict, i was hoping for that but again arises the question: WHY IS HE HUNTING ALONE? did he and tal have a fight?? :(( or does he like routinely hunt alone and we just never heard abt it sldjsknsks

MARC FIGHT SEQUENCE YES AND HES TRYING TO SAVE OLALA TOO AWWW YESS

LOVE this background music

olala just??? MELTED?????? "oh! i forgot i could do that." I'M AKSNSKSNKS

marc is having a Really Tough Time rn you all

I'm saying it first here marc is going to adopt olala

AW MARC SHOWED OFF HIS ENGINEERING SKILLS TO OLALA AND OLALA LOVES HIM

congratulations on becoming a dad marc

(or a big brother idk how old marc actually is but he must be in his late 20s-early 30s??)

DINO-MITE I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

OK TIME FOR OLALA AND MARC PARALLELS: marc talks to his horse (whom he is almost constantly attached to and sees as a companion) and olala talks to her tail (whom she is almost constantly attached to and sees as a companion), both have a unique "gift" in the sense that marc seems to be one of the few (if not the only one, and definitely the best) inventors/engineers in the second citadel and olala is a shape-shifter, PLUS they're both amazed by these particular facets of each other, AND they both like to think out loud (often talking to their horse/tail while they do so)

aw she's crying YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW marc's decided there and then to help her uwu

hes talking so softly with olala im not crying you're crying

MARC WAS REALLY ABOUT TO SAY NOT ALL MEN HE WAS REALLY ABOUT TO GO THERE HUH

aww olala was willing to sacrifice the first friend she met because she cared about finding help for the sisters more IM JUST SO. SOFT SHES SUCH A BRAVE KID BLEASE

MARC WAS KNIGHTED????? HES A KNIGHT NOW OH MY GODDDD OH . MY GODDDD IM GONNA CRY IM GONNA FUCKIGN SOB ITS WHAT HE DESERVES IM SO HAPPY

this also explains why he was out alone i guess? queen mira does often send one knight alone to investigate and maybe tal stuck to his decision of not wanting to become a knight? hmm

awwwwwww marc is telling her a bedtime story? MY HEART

OH WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW MORE ABT MARC AND THE CITADEL TOO!!!! he's from the craftsman quarters hmm

ahahaa hes right to be afraid of what caroline might think of the both of them

that line about stories.......man just hold on a second

marc talking abt the queen,,, someone drank his respecting women juice

ohhh ohhohoohhh. she's decided to meet the queen oh my

IS THAT THE INTRUDER? WHAT DID HE DO WITH THE OLD MAN??

he calls himself the kite???? HES RAIDING A VILLAGE. ALONE??

he rly has a thing for birds huh

he sounds like he wears cowboy boots tbh. something that's like jingling when he walks?

oHHH hes gonna send a letter to the queen . oh that's not good

the ending sounds of the penumbra also had rain sounds. WHAT DOES IT MEANNN

ending thoughts: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

like, where's the intruder and how did he find out about olala in the first place and what does he want from her? what is the nature and extent of olala's powers and how does it work and what are its limitations? why did the writers choose marc to be the first person to meet olala?

#also apparently the voice actors for pilot and the kite are the same #idk how to add the keep reading cut on mobile so uh sorry abt that #second citadel #the penumbra podcast #tpp #mine #you know marc is attached to olala bc he doesnt want her to go off alone #but why is he reluctant to follow her into the garden of wastes? superstition maybe? or #bc he knows how powerful the intruder is he doesnt think its wise.....but when has marc ever not been impulsive #maybe hes changed since becoming a knight and also feels responsible for olala #and given that olala wants to meet the queen she might agree to go to the citadel w him BUT wouldn't it make more sense for marc to go to #lord arum first? bc olala isnt human so she must be safer in the swamp??#hmm #lots to look forward to #AHHHHH IM EXCITED FOR MARC & OLALA DYNAMIC #JUST the other day was talking abt the father figure-adopted son trope and how i would like to see a variation of it #and it feels like sophie and kevin have alr answered by prayers lmaoo #ok i talk too much time to shut up #admintalks #tpp spoilers

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sxyurii · 5 years ago

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Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love

Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby

This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂

HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP

Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?

1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.

2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.

3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.

4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.

5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.

6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.

7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.

8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.

I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖

#breakup #long post

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intrns-blog · 5 years ago

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*‘ello guvna ( its funny because im british mocking our stereotypes , play laughing track #3 ) ! i’m dav ( gmt , he / him ) && i am super pumped for this group like ??? i haven’t been in any groups for a ( HOT ) minute so i apologise if my shit is a lil rusty but i am trying my best , honestly . . . anyways , a lil rundown on me ig !

i am a colossal moron , COLOSSAL ! i love tom holland , jorja smith && ngl ive been sat here for three minutes trying to figure out a third person / thing that i love but my mind is blank so back to the point of me being a moron . . . [ nicki minaj vc ] did i lie ? but yeah , conclusion to this intro ? i am an idiot and good luck dealing with me p.s. stan twitter is probably all i reference ? anyways , enough of my headass !

i can’t believe i just saw ISAIAH ‘ IZ ‘ BRYANT walking out of cadence records. they’re lucky enough to be a/an INTERN at candence records and they’ve been with the company for ONE MONTH. it’s been stated at c.r. that they’re known to be IRKSOME but i heard they can be ASSIDUOUS too and they seem to give off a vibe that reminds people of TANGLED EARPHONES, ROLLED UP CIGARETTES, CHEAP HAIR GEL, COLD COFFEE & BITTEN NAILS.

birth name: izaiah ‘ iz ’ gabriel bryant / age: twenty one / date of birth: september 11th / gender: cismale / place of birth: hackney , north london / sexual orientation: bisexual / occupation: intern at cadence hq / zodiac: virgo / significant features: small scar on chin from skateboarding accident

well , lets get you settled into the ( boring ) upbringing of iz bryant . . .

iz was born to very young parents , the pair both only being eighteen at the time . their lack of funds and living situation wasn’t enough to care for little iz . due to this ? he ended up living with his grandmother and grandfather , on his mum’s side .

they lived in hackney , north london which was the ideal living situation but his grandparents easily made ends meet , providing iz with a better upbringing than either of his parents could . this hadn’t meant he didn't see them , they visited often , which began to turn into weekends , then fortnights and eventually ? it’d be a surprise if he saw them once a month . however , at such a young age ? this hadn’t affected him as he had practically believed his grandparents were his birth parents .

life was average for iz , his school grades remaining stable throughout , leaving with a’s and b’s , due to the fact that he’d always choose to stay in and study rather than join his friends on late night adventures to places unknown . it hadn't appealed to him . which was until his college years began , these years brought a whole new iz out . you could barely recognise him , it was like a whole new person had appeared .

from staying in and studying to finding himself roaming the streets of central london at 3am , iz had fallen into a downwards spiral . his grandparents began to give iz his freedom meaning that whatever took place outside of the house , stayed out of the house . he was making up for missed time .

idk what to say rly ??? he went from shy little introvert to big OBNOXIOUS extrovert ?? no reason behind it , the boy turned 18 and he just ended up clubbing week in , week out . . . it was a routine .

now ? this is a little rundown on iz’s personality . . .

first of all , iz is now a major extrovert , he will make his presence known in any setting . this is purely down to the fact that he knows he works in an establishment where he is considered to be at the bottom so he needs to treat himself as he were at the top so he gets the energy reciprocated

however , he is a MAJOR klutz , like boy , get it together ? he genuinely had to write out his routine in his phone so he can checklist it every morning before he leaves like , it genuinely says ‘ did you remember to tie your laces ? ’ because god knows if he didn’t have that ? he’d never not be tripping his own ass up .

that checklist stems into another important factor about iz , he’s very precise . he pays attention to every little detail and has to make sure all his work is perfect before presenting it . why do you think he takes an hour to get ready every morning ? just kidding , the kid looks like a bum . he cares about every physical appearance but his own , headassery behaviour .

he also happens to radiate an ‘ i don't care ’ attitude but we all know he cares deep down . he doesn’t care until something isn't going his way . very self-obsessed , it’s irritating just like him . don't let him have his way and prepare for emotional blackmail .

but don’t ignore the fact that he can be a major sweetheart when he feels necessary , especially when it comes to his homies , always giving them the gas they deserve , * chefs kiss * - esque , that type of shit ! just call him the chaotic sweetheart !

that’s all i rly have for his personality but it should give a better insight in to showing what he's like !

i added a few songs that i feel radiate his energy or that he’d have stored on his playlist !

1. ACT - comethazine › PERSONALITY

2. heartless - kanye west › PERSONALITY

3. mr. rager - kid cudi › PERSONAL

4. c7osure ( you like ) - lil nas x › PERSONALITY

5. same old story - skepta › PERSONAL

( bonus ) 6. high horse - kacey musgraves › BOTH

#cadence.intro #*ﾟ ◟ 𝗂𝗓 𝖻𝗒𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗍 › 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 #* tHIS ??????? s UCKS !

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lokiarsene · 6 years ago

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like yesterday, here's a bullet list of my thoughts for episodes 18~21

thoughts on episode 18:

oh no, it's the beach episode.

-- i really like how they show the way the PT take care of futaba. ren patiently cleaning up her room in between hours at the florist, them playing vidya with her, or just having lunch together in montage moments is very sweet. it makes me wish the anime had much slower pacing, more slice of life-y kind of drama.

-- watching yusuke, ryuji, and futaba lose their freakin minds over good curry is VERY relatable.

-- i still don't understand why ann and makoto thought that a two piece frilly bathing suit was the way to go with futaba. a one piece that she could wear under a long wrap or a hoodie would've made so much more sense... but >male gaze

-- have i told y'all how fucking tired i am of the sexualization of the teenage girls in p5 yet, and how it is one of the several things that fuckin ruined this game for me

have i?

well here it is again

none of the previous games were as bad as this b t w and p4 had one of the dungeons be a STRIP CLUB.

-- yusuke and his lobsters are wonderful.

-- oh god i forgot COMPLETELY about the whole 'mental shutdowns' thing in this game's plot. i think because it's all so pointlessly convoluted. p3 had something similar but even there it was just people turned catatonic for weeks on end when the monthly boss-shadows drew near.

i think the reason i find this so hard to understand is because from p3 to p4 the rules of shadows didn't really change so much. p3 had the persona users go up against shadow bosses; p4 had people confront the shadows within themselves, either accepting them completely (which then turned into persona), or the shadow 'absorbed' the person and ran rampant as a monster. neither of those rules really contradict each other, but in p5 personal shadows for persona users are gone completely, and how you deal with other people's personal shadows doesn't even involve them being present to complete the merge.

mona says that persona users can't have palaces, but persona users in 4 could and DID have 'dungeons' within the shadows' worlds. these dungeons dealt specifically with what was at the core of the shadows' emergence--a deep secret and a hidden truth that caused the shadow to grow, a place that was a replica and a distortion of reality based upon that suppressed truth. so that sure sounds like a fucking palace to me.

so....................... unless there's like, multiple realities folded into our own, and persona users can only access certain ones.................. i'm just super confused.

like, i know it's because the rules change game to game, but p3 to p4 didn't have any contradictions, and p2 didn't contradict anything in p3, either. it just went from a full party of wild card users to a singular one.

-- i'm glad ann's getting a little screentime here. i was just thinking about how other characters' development was lacking after makoto and futaba got so much focus.

-- mona's so sweet to ann ;-; now that he has a human form in p5r, i hope they become really good friends. she needs a kind guy friend that'll be reliable~ plus he makes her laugh.

-- sojiro talking about the anniversary of wakaba's death is......... really interesting........ considering that screenshot of futaba sitting next to a woman with the exact same haircut as her "deceased" mother.

-- ren reassuring mona that he absolutely has to be human, that he will return to who he used to be once they figure out what's happening in the metaverse is jsut jdfklasd

AND HIS LIL ROUND OF APPLAUSE WHEN MONA TALKS ABOUT ALL THE THINGS HE'S GOING TO DO TO KEEP THE WORLD SAFE ;-;

AND THAT SHOT OF HIM SLEEPING CURLED UP ON REN'S STOMACH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-- listen i know mona isn't rly a cat but he's the BEST cat

thoughts on episode 19:

oh it's the hawaii episode.

-- man what the hell kinda budget do these school's got that they can just go overseas with dozens of students on a yearly basis? that's impressive.

-- ryuji: "whoa, awesome! ..... i don't really get it, but awesome!" fjdsafds okay that got a laugh outta me. good one, ryuji.

-- ren: "i'm excited, too." (said in a monotone) fjklsadsl BLESS THIS BOY

-- ren's FACE when he learns that futaba installed a spying app on his phone and can hear him/see pictures he takes is...... kind of hilarious. especially if you have the headcanon that he and akechi send dumbass snapchats to each other a lot--which i do. and which you do now, too.

-- mona's depression is ten times more sad because he's a cat okay :c why they gotta make the cat so cute

-- ren, ryuji, and ann's lil sleepover is adorable. especially since ann chastises ryuji for not knowing one of the basic rules of a sleepover: if you start talkin' about your crushes, you gotta start with your own~ thems the rules lads

-- rip principal bloatneck.

-- honestly that truck shoulda at least TRIED to stop.

-- "A LO HA." goddammit that's adorable

AND HE GIVES THE LEI NECKLACE TO MONA FJDSKFJDSKL ren you're so SWEET.

-- I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT MONA CALLS SAE "ONEE-NO-NIIJIMA" FJADSKLFJDSKL ahhhh it's so cute.

-- the PT targeting okumura, who is essentially the dave thomas with political ambitions of the persona 5 world, is far funnier now that i phrase it like that.

-- ANN, OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, SAYING THAT THEY PROBABLY BROUGHT THIS RECENT TROUBLE ON THEMSELVES, IS A FUCKING STUPID WRITING DECISION. I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE DIDN'T LOOK AT THAT AND GO, "ANN WOULDN'T SAY THIS. ANN HAS NO REASON TO SAY IT." god. lmao PLEASe let p5r be a goddamn second draft.

-- mona's totally right that ryuji's just concerned with getting popular and his dick wet. like,,, that's why this argument only made me hate ryuji more than i already did. he gets pissy when mona points out the truth.

god he sucks lmao

I'M SORRY I'M SO SALTY YOU GUYS

LOOK I'LL SAY SOMETHING NICE: SAE AND AKECHI ARE COOL

-- i really like how guarded akechi's face looks in his conversation with sae, and how off his guard he looks when she tells him that she's not going to hold back, especially since the culprit is doing such dire, awful things. he's not exactly surprised, but he's definitely uneasy and shaken by what he hears. which makes me wonder who he’s really concerned for--himself, or for ren (and the PT by extension, but akechi only really seems to care about ren, so).

the reason i like that is because the okumura arc in p5 is really where akechi's mind starts its downward spiral. principal kobayakawa's death obviously rattled him, especially since the only reason the principal died was because shido saw him as useless and disposable, something akechi is desperate NEVER TO BE. and it's that + what happens with okumura that really kicks him over the edge.

i hope p5r will give us the chance to pull him back from it. he deserves a better chance than the game's subpar writing gave to him.

thoughts on episode 20:

-- ren wakes up in a panic because he thinks he sees mona on his bed ;___________;

-- goro snoopin' on the PT's LOUD, TOTALLY CONSPICUOUS conversation in front of okumura foods' HQ is kind of adorable if you remember he clearly loves star wars (HE HAS A LIGHT SABER), and the camera cuts to his face right as they're talking about big bang and outer space lingo.

-- oh, haru. i really wish you were the black mask. that would've been so much cooler--and an actual twist. her total hopeless panic about being a beauty thief could still be a thing (because it is actually endearing), it'd just be an act. but that's me talkin' fix-its again.

-- i really like the scene of haru defending mona to the PT on the rooftop, then cutting to show just how strained her relationship is with her father. she exists to be useful to her father's ambitions and nothing else, and that scene really drove home just how painful that is for her.

-- REN TWIRLS HIS HAIR BETWEEN TWO FINGERS WHEN HE'S DEEP IN THOUGHT. AHHHHHHH I FORGOT HE DID THAT

-- oh hey remember how the game went through the trouble of showing how haru's fiance is a sexist, violent, animal-hurting piece of shit and then promptly failed to actually separate her from him in game (i think you only can do that in her s-link?? the s-link you can barely finish in your first run of the game??), and in t hEN SHOWED HER IN THE CAR WITH HIM LATER, LOOKING HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

god this story makes me so fucking mad lmfao STOP PUTTING GIRLS IN PHYSICALLY OR SEXUALLY VIOLENT PERIL AND NEVER ACTUALLY ENSURING THAT THEY'RE SAFE, YOU DAVID CAGE LEVEL OF HACK BULLSHIT WRITERS.

-- ryuji running into the attic, all worried about mona, with a first aid kit, is..... very good. very good and endearing. good on you, ryuji.

-- haru gently encouraging mona to tell the truth is also really good. idk if i just missed it in the game or what, but i really like how she's presented in the anime. she's like a counterpart to ren--soft, sincere, observant, patient, yet she's made of pure steel beneath all that.

thoughts on episode 21:

-- WHY WAS HARU'S GRANDFATHER GIVING COFFEE TO A FIVE YEAR OLD

-- haru, the reason your father's heart grew twisted is thanks to capitalism. you gotta change the heart of capitalism.

-- not to be all poochie here but whenever akechi isn't on screen, all i can ask myself is whERE'S AKECHI?

-- HOW CAN I TAKE THE EVIL DAVE THOMAS SERIOUSLY WHEN HE'S DRESSED LIKE FUCKIN MEGAMIND?

-- okay see this is where i'm thrown completely out of the story or even really liking haru. haru just listened to her dad's shadow saying he would PIMP HER OUT TO HER FIANCE WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. and she still is just like ~no i want him to go back to being kind~

bitch are you nuts

are you NUTS

youR DAd SHOULD DIE AND YOU'D BE BETTER OFF

CONSIDERING HOW THE GAME GOES, YOU ARe BETTER OFF

god. i'm getting so mad again lmao

-- ren approaching haru to point out that if the truth of her father's crimes comes to light, she'll forever be associated with him (and with all the harm and ruined reputation that brings) is, once again, further reminder of just how... damn good ren is. he doesn't hesitate to speak from the heart nor does he ever fail to listen to someone else speak from theirs.

-- also not for nothing but uh

how did the cops not like

figure out how the PT phan-site was set up within the first few months and track it down to mishima? was that ever addressed at all?

-- honestly another reason why i get so fucking mad about this okumura stuff is the game goes SO FAR OUT OF ITS WAY to make you feel BAD that he died, when he was by all rights a fucking shitheel monster, yet when akechi dies it's like 'oh well. that sucked.' fuck off, atlus. the death of a greedy, heartless CEO isn't more sad just because his gaslit daughter is conditioned to be sad about it.

i understand that a large part of the shock after okumura's death is because the PT don't know if they did anything wrong. but okumura was in no way a good person. he was in no way a person whose redemption overruled all the hurt and harm he did. that has been the case for EVERY PT target before this, so why the fuck is okumura suddenly so different? why SHOULD he be?

the difference between him and, say, akechi is that okumura et. al. all made those choices on their own to do terrible things. they delighted in it, they enjoyed it. but akechi, much like futaba, was forced into a cycle of self-destruction--it’s just that in futaba’s case, her self-destruction targeted herself, and akechi’s was quite literally weaponized and used against others. he approached shido as a young teenager and was then used by him for years.

a teenage boy being used as a magical hitman by his shitlord father is far more deserving of sympathy and redemption than grown adults who willingly make the decision to harm, abuse, and prey on others. but no, the game didn’t want to do that.

this is another big problem i have with p5's second and third acts: it's so tonally dissonant and sloppy. it's like they didn't try to actually be as rebellious and hellraiser-y as the first act WANTED to be, and it all ends up being such a limp-dick shriveled mess of "let's fight against this rotten society!! ......... as long as it in no way actually upsets anyone or does any REAL change." fuck off lmao

that's not me even commenting on the "twist" and how it needed to be explained MULTIPLE TIMES to the player for it to make any sense.

and it still doesn't make sense to me btw.

so that's another thing i hope p5r fixes.

-- rip evil dave thomas megamind.

-- akechi floating the idea to sae that the phantom thieves had nothing to do with okmura’s death is............................ interesting.

#this is the ask tag #p5 anime #some slight salt in this post y'all

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deathstrange · 6 years ago

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RABASTAN LESTRANGE. twenty five. death eater. hufflepuff. charming. persuasive. creative. two faced. passive. sadistic. healer. chameleon.

i will not be atlas with arms so bruised they are blue. PINTEREST BOARD.

BACK TO BASICS.

name: rabastan emory lestrange. occupation: healer. nicknames: rab or rabbie.

+ charming, persuasive, creative, patient, clever. - two faced, sadistic, passive, entitled, superficial.

age: 25. date of birth: october 23, 1993. zodiac: scorpio. hometown: somewhere in england!!! to be determined!!!! current location: lives in a penthouse apartment in london. gender: cis male. pronouns: he/him. orientation: bisexual. spoken languages: english, french and german fluently. moral alignment: neutral evil / true neutral. element: earth / air. house: hufflepuff.

character insp: peeta mellark ( the hunger games ), achilles ( mythology ), finnick odair ( the hunger games ), lucifer ( mythology ), will halstead ( chicago med ).

BACKGROUND.

child neglect cw.

Rabastan grew up as the youngest of two brothers, the second in line to the throne. The second Lestrange. The backup. The extra, in case the first one broke.

Being the forgotten Lestrange had its perks, though. Rabastan became a golden boy in his own right, growing up in the shadows, with the same access to the riches, the luxury and the reputation that a proper Lestrange deserved. But none of the attention... or the burden of the Lestrange legacy. He was mostly seen as the baby Lestrange, the sweet, sweet boy who behaved like an angel, but wasn’t... all there. Thank god that he’s pretty, right? At least he’ll marry nice.

So maybe Rabastan grew a bit resentful against his parents. Decided that fuck them, I’ll do whatever I want.

But he still remained The Good Son, dutifully attending all his tutor sessions and all his classes. Smiled pretty at his parents’ parties. Was painfully polite to all their guests. Managed to charm the most rugged of dark wizards, weaseled his way in, with that slight smile and those big blue eyes and that weird talent of being scary good at guessing exactly what people wanted to hear. Probably stemmed from him always listening in, ya feel.

Def partly raised by house elves and maids. Was left wondering where his parents were at most of his childhood.

But 100% grew up idolizing his brother!!!!!! Thought he was the greatest thing to happen since sliced bread.

HOGWARTS YEARS.

So homeboy shows up at Hogwarts, and he’s absolutely fucking bursting with rebellion and a wish to do absolutely ANYTHING to fuck with his parents. Maybe.... idk.... to make them notice him for once.....

So what does he do? He pulls a Harry Potter !!!!!!! Asks the sorting hat to place him in any house but Slytherin, which it reluctantly agrees to do. And suddenly he’s sitting at the Hufflepuff table.

Okay so, he started out as a pretty good Hufflepuff. Really hard working ( eager to prove himself ), very loyal, very modest ( he would get over that one, later. lmao ), so so sweet ( that one too, would not be permanent ) and overall just a good kid!!!

Arrived at Hogwarts with the good ol’ “Rodolphus Lestrange’s baby brother” label already firmly slapped on him. All teachers compared him to his brother, which was a bitter pill to swallow. Was that all he’d ever be? For how long would he have to chase his older brother’s shadow? Never quite keeping up.

ANYWAYS. His parents weren’t exactly charmed by the fact that Rabastan didn’t follow the Family Tradition™ of ending up in Slytherin. Made for an awkward Christmas dinner, that year.

Luckily ( or, perhaps, unluckily, for him ), he was quickly forgiven for his faults. The poor boy can’t help that no other house will take him, can he?

But Rabastan made a life for himself in Hufflepuff. He went home every summer with grades that were almost flawless ( which rewarded him with a quick pat on the shoulder, some brief acceptance, before the family’s attention returned to work and far more important things than the non-heir ). He made friends. Moved in different social circles, quickly becoming a social chameleon, blending in just as well with the Hufflepuff kids as the Slytherin kids. In Hufflepuff, his actions spoke louder for him than his name did. In Slytherin, his name spoke louder for him than his house.

Was a bit of a party boy. Has definitively been found black out drunk in the prefect bathrooms more than once ( how did he get in there, u ask? his dazzling smile : ~ ) what else ! ).

Watched as the Dark Lord slowly rose to power, but never directly involved himself, and was very careful to not mention his own thoughts, instead always steering the conversation towards something else, or back towards the person he spoke to.

Silently, Rabastan supported Voldemort, though. His agenda was appealing to him, sounded about right. And then there was the influence of his older brother, of course. Everything Rodolphus touched turned to gold, after all.

AFTER HOGWARTS.

alcoholism cw / murder cw / torture cw ( it’s going downhill from here ig)

Rabastan graduated Hogwarts with good grades, plenty of friends and a growing addiction to alcohol.

Immediate decision after school was to go into emergency medicine, and he thus became a healer for St Mungos hospital. It was the glory he was after, the status. Helping people? Not really his primary concern.

Has sworn to do no harm wHICH HE DOESN’T!!!! WHILE AT WORK !!!!! What he does outside of work is a different story though. We all have our hobbies, guys!!!!

Started getting kinda tired of being known as the Idiot Lestrange after a while. Especially now that he was a healer. Slowly began dropping the dumb act, it rarely benefited him anymore anyways.

Slowly also became more involved with the Death Eaters, and eventually rose to a high enough position that he could be seen as someone to Count On. Which was all he really wanted, really. Homeboy is attention starved and wants recognition!!!! The Death Eaters fed into that, a lot.

But anyways, he’s very lowkey about it. Even though his name is kinda sus, I guess? But other than that - Stealth mode.

Currently drinking himself into oblivion, when he’s not working :/

Not super into the whole torturing people thing, but has been assigned a lot of That Kind Of Work anyways (within the Death Eaters), because of his medical background : ~) He will slowly get more into it though, becomes a little bit darker the longer the war goes on. More willing to push past his limits, cross the lines he normally wouldn’t cross. We all know how far he’ll go, in the end.

Has lowkey developed two distinctive personalities over the years - two sides of the same coin that can be flipped as easily as you turn on/off the lights. There’s the good guy, the healer, the smiling pretty boy that knows exactly what to say to get you to take a step closer to the edge, and then there’s the very bad man, who’s drunk, trying to kill you and has forgotten who he is. Which one is the real Rabastan !!!! We don’t know !!!!

Deadass reverts straight back to his Hogwarts self whenever he’s at a family gathering.

REALLY loves his job !!!! Is good at it too and works really hard !!! Loves the kick of the adrenaline rush when he saves someone, or when someone acknowledges his work.

PERSONALITY.

alcoholism cw.

Bit of a disaster, really.

Probably trying to charm u out of ur life savings right now

Typical Bad Influence, tbh

SOCIAL CHAMELEON!!!!

Never shows his anger and ends up burying it deep down instead until he eventually snaps.

Responsibility? Not his thing. Taking responsibility for his actions? Also not his thing.

He’s really out there repping the whole irresponsible younger brother stereotype!!!

Still a bit of a party boy, tbh.

Kinda vain. Knows that he’s good looking and doesn’t rly understand 100% why other people wouldn’t think that he’s god’s greatest gift to mankind.

Has deep rooted commitment issues and can’t commit to anything, except work & his brother, to save his life

Also has deep rooted trust issues probably.

Likes plants a lot but keeps killing them :(

Very good at reading people!!!!

Surprisingly good cook!!!! But can only follow like five recipes. :/

Can go from being a tall dark stranger to a golden retriever puppy within seconds.

There is so much hate in him, but he’s not sure what for. Somewhere deep down, he hates his parents, he hates himself, he hates his family line and what they’ve forged him into. But that’s a little too painful to bear ( and Rabastan has always been the type to run away from his problems, refuse to shoulder the burden of anything that might bruise his arms / his heart !!! ), so he channels all that hatred into something else.

Has Opinions™ about muggle technology but still uses an iPhone. Hypocrite.

Constantly craving attention and will do anything to get it. He’s looking for acknowledgement and praise, tbh? Can def be a textbook people pleaser, too.

Can be so so so cruel and cold, it’s a bit scary really.

Somehow also the best listener? Gifts from his childhood, I guess!

More of an emotional torturer, than anything. Likes playing with people’s feelings and their heart strings. Favorite hex is the imperius curse.

How to break someone down emotionally 101 by Rabastan Lestrange.

Used to have a heart !!!!!! Lost it a long time ago though. It’s rotting, now.

#brontideintro #child neglect cw #alcoholism cw #torture cw #murder cw #✦ ° • ☆ ◣ ▽ ┊ABOUT • evil: it blooms. it eats. it grins. )#✦ ° • ☆ ◣ ▽ ┊HEADCANON • there is something soft in me / we killed it and it’s rotting. )

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identitycris1s · 4 years ago

Text

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:)

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes.

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lilacponds · 7 years ago

Note

Heart for the ask meme

no formatting bc im on mobile sorry!thanks for the ask!!

this gets,,, rly long lets see if i can add a readmore

heart: talk about your crush

okay gosh where do i start? hes a nerd. hes a giant massive nerd, let me tell you that first and foremost. more on that later

where do i start? from the beginning i guess? im a super anxious person, as anyone that knew me for more than 1 minute can tell, but when i met him i was super comfortable w him? i was still anxious as fuck, but also comfortable and happy to be around him. when i went bowling for my birthday i wanted to invite him but i was too anxious bc i was like ‘aaaa we interact sometimes on tumblr but idk if he considers us friends?? would an invite be weird??’ except my friend leo who was driving us and also introduced us got me and asked him for me and the pure joy on my birthday, man. there were also a couple other ppl, and everyone was fun, but like, when the 3 ppl we were with got up to get drinks i stayed at the table w him and my brain was like okay i mean im keeping him company right? WRONG i just loved listening to him talk. i still do. a lot. and while we were bowling we were talking and i just naturally hanged around him while waiting for our turns and aaaaa. (i came last place and he came fourth and we shared the pain of losing.) we played games afterwards and he kicked my ass at like, air hockey? is that the name? we did like two or three games and he absolutely destroyed me but i had fun. we also played ddr! we both terribly wanted to play it and i was like “oh my god YES you understand me”. i absolutely sucked at that too but also like, i dont like doing any kind of exercising for physical activity in front of other ppl because im super selfconscious but also i sweat a lot dancing and i was awful, but i was absolutely comfortable since i was playing w him. i had a lot of fun.

we started meeting up for dnd sessions and hanging out irl more and chatting more often and look where we are now. im so happy

SO that was talking abt him as in irl and stuff, but i havent actually talked ABT him so hold onto ur seats.

hes absolutely amazing. hes smart and brilliant, hardworking, hes studying to become an astrophysicist and if anyone can do it its him! hes p much top of his class, his teachers all love him esp bc his classmates are a buncha rich spoiled kids that dont rly seem to try that hard and not all even know the rules of grammar and logic, but even outside of what his classmates are like he absolutely deserves the praise and recognition. hes amazing. hes clever and hes also funny as heck, everytime we have a dnd session he makes me die one way or the other man, the pearls he comes up with. in one of our dnd groups hes also the only one with a pinch of sense and logic, esp in our old dnd group… i love leo and like his sister, but man. and i absolutely despise luca so nbd hes a goddamn idiot. so like, dylans my saving grace to not go crazy

hes so sweet and thoughtful? hes too sweet to me. and he says he isnt sweet in general just sweet to me and i melt. and hes so respectful and hes so helpful, when im rly anxious about something he helps me out a lot and he remembers stuff thats important to me sometimes even if i mentioned it just a couple times offhandedly and he thinks about me and helps me and aaaaaa im so lucky

hes so charming???? and he denies it as he denies that hes good at flirting but he flirts so well and he speaks french to me and i die. i just get so red and i hide my face in the nearest thing - my hands, a pillow, the goddamn wall - and try not to squeal. he uses pet names for me that make my heart skip a beat and hes just so chill and charismatic. i have butterflies in my stomach and any time we hang out or go on a date im all excited and giddy. i die when he speaks french, the other day we were in the bookstore and he opened a french book and read to me a bit and i had to physically take the book and put it back because he killed me. im dead. i love when he speaks french

hes such a nerd!!!! he names his devices and he names them and stuff after constellation bc hes a space nerd, and a sea nerd, and anytime he talks abt either (or othee stuff hes passionate about) hes so alive, i could sit down and listen to him talk for the rest of my life. plus his eyes sparkle then!!

okay i need a new paragraph for his eyes. they sparkle when hes passionate and its amazing. i thought that was a fiction thing!! i never actually saw it irl!! until i met him!! and his eyes sparkle and its breathtaking. and his eyes are just so pretty. theyre brown and theyre amazing. plus like. we hung out over the summer too okay and there was this one night where we were eating food on a bench and the sun was going down and i was looking at him as we talked and i saw the glint of the lampposts and the lights of the shops and a hint of the sunrise all in his eyes and i had to force myself to focus on our words bc its fuckin cheesy but i was getting lost in his eyes.

his laugh is amazing and it fills my heart. anytime he laughs im happy, and when I make him laugh its the best thing in the world, i feel blessed and lucky. his smile is radiant and its a wonderful sight, and i like buying and offering him stuff because making him happy is gr8 and i feel fulfilled when i do.

hes also hella athletic. like he has no regards for danger and apparently a lotta fuckin pain tolerance and sometimes im hella worried about stuff but on the bright side hes like… spiderman. one day we were on the rocks at the pier and since im not rly athletic and also kinda scared he leant down a little and looked at the best easiest path so i wouldnt have a hard time and he absolutely did a spiderman pose. (plus ANY time we go on the rocks, he makes sure i want to, and he looks for the best way so it wont be too difficult for me and he asks me if its okay for me and just generally makes sure its gonna be easy and fun for me too, plus he holds my hand and helps me out too and its just an amazing time in general.) i forgot what i was saying. OKAY YEAH hes good at athletic stuff and hes done a buncha sports and he does karate and hes rly good and whenever he shows me smth i die bc im rly pan and somehow seeing him do karate is rly attractive???? altho like. hes a strong boy and i have a weakness for strong ppl, man. (one of the first times we hung out he told me a buncha cool stories of his past where he kicked the ass of some assholes and then later he texted me and he was? worried he scared me??? and i was just sitting there like i have Never been more attracted to someone)

also hes adorable with his cat. like his cat is an absolute cutie obvs but put together theyre killing me. whenever he sents a pic w the two of them its beautiful but also i love when i go over and he cuddles her or plays with her or babytalks to her because hes so cute theyre so cute its the most adorable sight aaaaaaaAAAAAA MY HEART

okay im cutting this off here oops thANKS AGAIN

#ask Val #Anon

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cognizantlyalive · 4 years ago

Text

probably shld detail the day w dillon so that it will never be forgotten. he has treated me so well it is amazing. and i feel touched. i was treated rly well by zane and didnt think/ know it could b better but dillon has been incredibly attentive and super invested. ok here goes

he was early to meet at orchard central, and waited for me outside tokyu hands cos he knew i wanted to go there. cos i mentioned im looking for a cute notebook, he went ard the entire store to look for it for me ._. i mean so i didnt have to walk that much i guess, though i had just wanted to spend time w him and browse. hm. he was dedicated to finding what i wanted for me. then later on when we were walking to muji i commented that cute notebooks rly make me happy and he said “oh tts easy i will just buy you a cute notebook and give them to u every day haha” he rly wanted to make me happy o.o

subsequently we went to don don donki but it was too crowded (he was busy checking the time for our dinner reservation) so we ended up not queuing and went to get bbt. becos i wanted to intro him to chicha san qian, i treated him and he said tt was so generous of me (even tho it was a small gesture :() he was ready to pay and had taken out his card haha. anw i guess i didnt wna take him for granted.

subsequently i let him have my bbt cos he forgot to add milk in his tea hm.

okies so we went to dinz and he looked out for the bus for us etc, led the way etc. i noticed he was carrying his backpack today so asked him why and he said its actly cos he brought me a gift :O was like :OOO then at dinz he ordered everything i said i liked. when i asked him what wld he rate 5/5 stars for the dinz, he said he wld rate my generosity in constantly offering him my bbt (cos i knew he preferred it) haha then when i said i liked the beef he immediately proceeded to order one more portion. he rly went all out to try to make me super happy. for that i am grateful. aft tt he ate all our yakitori when i was talking to him abt some stuff HAHA so he felt bad and when i suggested we go for dessert, he immed got up and paid O.O i thought he was getting dessert at first idk think i rly didnt expect him to take so much initiative. w zane, zane would sometimes let me lead the way, and wld typically split the bill. it was only in the later part that he got up to pay immed. anyway, aft dillon came back, i offered to split and he said it wld b his treat if i gave him the pleasure of treating- so sweet??? so i offered to get us desserts :)

he agreed and we went to DDD to get snacks and mochis and my mentaiko mayo. he rmbed lil things i said and tried to find the mayo for me even tho i had forgotten aft looking for mochi. i think hes all round rly sweet and in tuned to my needs and everything i express. i think whilst we were gg down the escalator, he noticed that i had carried the plastic bags until there were marks on my arm, and thus he offered to carry my bags a few min later even tho i had not asked and had not expressed any discomfort. with zane, it happened once when i was carrying my laptop bag, and i commented that it was rly heavy, then he v kindly picked up my bag when we stood up to leave the resto, commenting that “he has not done it for me yet”, which i thought was rly sweet alr. o.o

so yeah dillon has been way better in every respect- much more in tuned to my needs and being there for me... which i wld say im not deserving of, definitely. subsequently, when we cldnt find a dessert place, he took the lead and immed suggested getting a cab to nearer my place. i suggested holland v and he agreed. when we eventually got the cab (i had to use my app but he offered to split and i declined), he rushed out with his umbrella to get the door in order to ensure i was sheltered o.o i felt like i was treated like a treasure, which was rly v kind of him ><. then when i commented i felt cold, he immed gave me his bag to hug becos he wanted me to be warmer. he said i shld “protect myself” whatever tt means. LOL after that he helped me scroll his phone for 2am dessert bar menu and again helped to shelter me from the rain when i got out of the cab... he was standing q close to me and i bumped against his chest ><. he also v kindly opened doors for me and checked to see if i was ok by turning around on the stairs/ whenever we werent walking side by side. he was super kind and intuned to me... at times zane would run off ahead of me wo looking back cos he walks fast, and then after that apologize for not slowing down for me ._. but dillon was diff. there were a few parts that looked slippery so he put his arm out for me to hold, and hold i did ._.

he also gave me a plastic bag for my wet umbrella, and guided me by putting his hand on my back when we were walking at some parts/ to the cab stand for my cab. also he texted me immed aft to ask me to tell him when i got home safe. essentially being w him made me feel 100% taken care of and i felt v uplifted. it was nice being with him. it’s diff w zane, zane is a lot more confident and calm, thus it was reassuring to be in his presence. dillon is more reticent and doting.

on a side note the present he gave me was mooncakes cos i had offhandedly commented during our first meet up tt i wanted to eat them but my mum wldnt get them for us o.o how sweet and sensitive is that?! kennut even..........

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survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years ago

Text

Ep. 9: “If you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played” - Maddison

Maddison

I made the merge!!! Let’s gooo baby!

Aimee

I cannot believe me the oldest person made it to merge! I’m still shaking a little bit to be honest. Haha I always see those reality tv shows where the oldest person is the first boot. Haha and I know there are other 30 year olds but this feels special to me.

Yay merge! This lady is gonna kick it into high gear, hopefully the alliances I made and the friendships I have started help me to get far but we will see what the future brings 🌅

Olivia A.

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Grae G

We do be merging.... OG maola is in mini Priya so I will be spending every spare moment working my ass off to try and make as many OG Hanuha bonds as possible...

Najwah

While I'm happy to have made it to merge, I'm actually really sad about James. I've never been this sad about losing anyone in this game before. We started off never having had a one on one chat but we just had each others backs from day one. Stuck it out. Fought together. We spoke on a video call earlier and it was the most easiest conversation ever. He was genuine and kind and I wish him everything of the best in this life. He deserves so many good things. My heart is sore. I didn't want to be here with Amy. She's unresponsive and I don't really trust her. But she told me she had a steal a vote and she wanted to give it to me before tribal because it could be used post merge. And then, she changed her mind like 15 minutes before tribal she was like no this game is a distraction for me and I want to use it tonight. And it was either going to be James or me. She was in a position of power. I think she chose to vote James out coz she has previously stated that he is good at challenges. She wants to have a secret alliance with me. I agreed to it just so that I could be. Kept in the game by her I guess. I have no intention to betray other people I am in an alliance with. Idk. I'm just still shocked. I actually cried about it on a call with Cody earlier. Cody also told me that since day 1 Ben and Zack have been bitching about me voting James out and turning on James and weakening Hanúha Tribe alliance. Like? What? I'm so annoyed. Not once have I even considered voting out James. We had a good thing going. He's just one of the best people in this game and I honestly wish he was. Here. I'm not in the mood for these two faced assholes who only care about themselves.

Pedro A

im scared ..this can change the whole game

Sarah

AHHH, it’s Merge time! I’m so excited that I, along with most of my alliance, made it to Merge. Definitely sad about James being voted out at the last vote since he was one of my closest allies in the game but thanks for giving me coins and helping me get the idol James! 😊 Maybe Amy has put a target on her back after playing steal a vote and can be an “easy” first vote for the majority of people on our new tribe. Well, there was definitely a lot to catch up on in a week and I talked with Cody for quite awhile last night and he filled me in. He let me know that Ben confided in him and said he didn’t trust Zack fully either. Cody of course hasn’t completely trusted Zack this whole game so at some point, I’m sure everyone will vote out Zack. But for now, our alliance and former Hanuha tribe is staying strong. Like I’ve said, I feel like Cody and I are in one of the best positions in the game because of our connections with so many others. Aimee feels close to me, Najwah feels close to Cody, and Ben and Zack feel close to us. I have also had some communication with Grae and feel like I can talk with her. I do think there is an alliance between Grae, Maddison, Olivia, and maybe Amy though. This next challenge and tribal will be interesting for sure with a 6/6 tribe split.

Olivia A

At the moment it feels like we’re in the minority (with Pedro still mad abt the John vote) but with this idol and the plan to get everyone to target Pedro I feel like we can get in a good place again. And then convincing people to turn on Zack will hopefully not be too hard.

Maddison

It seems like the boys from original Hanuha are coming after me... and there is nothing I hate more than men chasing me. Time to bring down the hammer. :) I found an idol today thanks to the help of my lovely Rox the Sox alliance. I’m happy to have it in my possession but I’m also ready to use it for whomever in my alliance may need it. I wouldn’t have found it without them anyways.

Amy A

Made the merge 🎉🎉🎉🎉. Can’t say it has been an easy road. Almost voted out last night. Even though that was not even remotely gonna happen cos ‘Steal-a-vote’. So, definitely happy to be here but sad that I lost my advantage. Also, my alliance with Najwah seems pretty solid. I hope she isn’t just saying stuff to me just to gain my trust and then break it. I absolutely trust her. Even beyond the game. I feel like I can actually talk to her. Let’s go merge!!! Amy A. So, lies. I feel like this should be my little confessional to keep track of my lies cos 😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s so damn hilarious to ME. I don’t even have a cat but I feel like people seem you as more trustworthy when you have a pet. I also think Grae believes I’m not aligned with Najwah cos I told her I had a mini bond w James instead. This is really entertaining.

Zack M

"well, i got it." - valerie cherish, the comeback and by it i mean the merge. i'm here. i've accomplished what i wanted to do. now my goal is to make it to top 10. baby steps. but i feel like i'm going to be the first person voted out tbh. something is off with my tribe. the only person i feel like i can actually trust at the moment is najwah. we had like a 2 hour video call last night and compared notes. apparently cody also tried to buy the necklace with her. i'm like 89% positive that him and sarah have the idol. i really wanted to go to final two with him but 1. i don't see me making 2. if i do, i don't think i can fully trust him. it's obvious he is running around talking to everyone and it's starting to get messy. anyways, i think i will be voted out first because it's clear the maola girls are working together. maddison, grae, olivia, amy, kalle all need someone to vote out. why not the guy who was the "tribe leader" at the swap. there may be some hope IF pedro stays loyal and votes with the hanuha tribe but that would also mean that aimee and sarah have to stay with us. aimee apparently told pedro she's been on the bottom which isn't a lie but like why aimee? *face palm* if hanuha stays strong and pedro votes with us then it will be 7 /5 and i should be safe. i would like to pretend to vote amy out (#Justice4James) because i feel like alan may have gave her the idol, if they actually had one like rumor suggests. she plays the idol ... we flush it ... and take out maddison or grae. that would be dream scenario. but who knows what is going to happen with this auction coming up. stay tuned.

Olivia A

Pedro A

OKay so kalle basically said...."I've been on the bottom since the John vote lol....I just don't know who I can try to connect or reconnect with at this point"...so she doesnt trust them anymore....which is nice...and i kinda believe her..considering they didnt pick her to be in the swap tribe...which honestly was a mistake......Grae and Maddison..im coming for you...karma is a bitch

Pedro A

im talking with najwah...i kinda wanna know about her relationship with amy...cause amy is a snake gURL...But i feel like its too early on to ask that...but im watching you GURL

Pedro A

lets just hope we dont self destruct...cause then we will be devoured by the habuha. tribe

Olivia A

Checked in with Aimee and she’s seeming iffy about the original Hanuha people and is still interested in working with me! This is very good news :) If we get Pedro our next and Aimee sticks w us then we’ll have the numbers 6-5.

Kalle N

This first tribal is going to be a gigantic mess. Pedro now says he trusts me and asked me really nicely to not lie to him bc he's sick of being lied to, and it just made me feel really bad. I think rox the sox is still planning on voting Pedro but if I feel like I genuinely have him on my side, I could maybe try to get our alliance to vote for someone else like Zack or Ben. Ben really wants to take out Maddison or Grae but idk how much I want to rely on Ben.

Pedro

i honestly feel like i noone is being truthfull to me

Pedro A

Honestly im scared...at this point..i just want to make it into the top 10

Pedro A

one step at a time

Olivia A.

For this challenge I’m paired with Cody. I’m not really excited about it. I don’t have anything against him but I’ve never interacted w this man before and I don’t want to help him get immunity! He seems rly nice and funny I just feel like it’s gonna be awkward and also I have 0 ideas. Doesn’t rly matter though bc we’re not planning on targeting him so if he does get immunity it’s whatever. 🤷🤷

Pedro A

Is this a jokkeeee..I'm with graeeeee .....I'm so unlucky...I'm honestly doneeee..like wtf...what did I do to deserve this ass...gods please help..

Kalle N

I don't know if you're familiar with the show New Girl or not, but it's my favorite show of all time and I'm going to use an example from it to explain how I feel. In New Girl, Nick Miller once said "I'm so sick of the lying... and the manipulating .. and the out-manipulating". I'm lying and holding so much different info from different people and groups of people that my brain is going to explode. Can't wait to see what Aimee will be like but oof this is getting crazy

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Aimee

Haha I’m an idiot. I just sat there at the auction staring at the void. I think I’m still so shook I made it to merge that I just stare into the blankness instead of doing anything. Dang, I wish I would of gotten that envelope. I need that extra vote man. I don’t want that extra going to the Suite life of Zack and Cody. I feel like they are still a big threat to my game even if we are being friendly right now. I don’t necessarily believe in this old Hanuha strong alliance. I’m skeptical, the game of survivor is so complex and I don’t want to play this simple, it has burned me before. With this immunity challenge for me Kalle would be a simple vote to get out now. But now I have to work with her to get immunity. Damn. We will see how this goes. Your lady is gonna to try her best no matter what. No throwing challenges here , in this house.

Zack M

literally fml. i didn't get anything the auction which i don't care about tbh. but now it's our first INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE but we have to work in pairs. individual immunity challenge .... in pairs. i know. seems like kindergarten knowledge that we would work alone but like whatever. i'm partners with amy. she fucked over najwah and james. i hear she doesn't respond and she didn't even complete the last challenge. i guess i will be doing this alone. flashback to high school when i did all the group projects. this is kind of mean. amy could be a sweetheart of a person. she's been nothing but nice to me. and i did reach out to her this morning because her facial expressions during tribal do crack me up. so if you read this amy, know that my frustration isn't with you personally ... it's how you've played the game so far from what i've been able to see. + that our first individual immunity challenge isn't individual at all. whatever.

Sarah

FUCCKK. I didn’t buy anything in the auction except for a ticket with the VL (which I’m honestly thrilled about that). I definitely thought there would be 10 items, I learned my Survivor auction lesson.... So much has happened in the past hour I- Cody got an extra vote which he told me and then we discussed whether we should tell the whole group or not. I encouraged him to share it because it would keep our Hanuha tribe from getting paranoid at this first vote if they knew we had that advantage. We don’t want Zack to get paranoid and flip... So. Zack messaged Cody about Najwah sharing with him about what the necklace meant. Zack said that the necklace had to be used with an idol and would be like a super idol that can be played after the votes are read. But if Naj holds on to it, she gets a 5% disadvantage each week. Najwah didn’t message Cody about it and he was hurt and didn’t know if he could trust her. Cody asked Najwah and at first she said it was just a cursed necklace with a disadvantage and then later shared with him about using it with an idol. So we have no idea what is the truth and if Zack and Naj are closer than we think... but Zack literally wanted to vote Naj out so I have NO idea what to think anymore. I’m also worried that James shared with Naj he had shared 5 coins with me because they got close and now she may think I have an idol.... asdfghjkl. Cody also wants to start a group of 3 with Ben, him, and I but we don’t know if that will expose Cody and I and if Ben would share that with Zack. Sooo much uncertainty. Merge is CRAZY.

Grae G

Pedros my partner which sucks for him bc of my disadvantage :///

Najwah

I'm so happy about having Sarah as a partner in this challenge. Also awesome that I'm able to give people a 10% advantage. So Amy and I are secretly chatting. Initially I was ready to just blindside her and get her out but she's giving me the tea from the inside lmao and we are sharing ideas and hyping each other up and I love that. Pedro started talking to me too and we kinda connected. I told Amy the 10% in giving is for her and Zack and I'm telling Zack it's because I don't want to give Maddison, Grae or Olivia an advantage so Ben and Cody don't benefit from my advantage either. Aimee, Sarah, Zack, Amy and I do however and these are all people I'm willing to work with in the future. I have to play this very carefully. I THINK people trust me right now, but I suspect they're extremely weary. I don't want to be messy so I am sticking to Hanúha, Amy African Queen alliance and I'll listen and entertain Pedro if he wants to talk. He just needed to vent and I really think he's a genuine person. Not sure what he's going to be like now that he's working with someone he "Hates" and is "dead to him" yep my guy is hella dramatic. I feel for him though, I do. It's a game of survivor yes but the constant lying and betrayal affects one psychologically. It's important to still treat each other like humans and be kind. I feel okay right now. I think I'm in an okay position right now.

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Sarah

Cody, Ben, and I formed a three person alliance tonight and I honestly feel really good about it. Cody and I were worried that it might expose Cody and I’s closeness but we both really trust Ben and want to talk through things and work with him. Ben brought up the point of causing chaos at the first tribal so the former Maola tribe can play advantages/idols and we can flush some of them out. I think that will be a good plan. We will get more information tomorrow and then make a decision when we go to tribal. I still haven’t told Ben about my idol yet and I feel like I may but I just want to make sure sure sure that he wouldn’t tell anyone else... After talking with Ben, Cody and I called for another hour and seriously, our friendship goes beyond this game. It’s so crazy how someone can become your best friend in a couple weeks. We obviously want to get to final three/two together and don’t care about voting each other out (if there was a million dollars up for grabs yeah I would want to vote Cody out 😂). We want to go down as the best dynamic duo.

Pedro A

really GRAE an disadvantge??????....CHILLLLEEEEE....my luck...im literally so unlucky.....anyways lets try to win either way Im so not confidente about this challenge and about the next tribal jeez...this will be a long ride

Cody A

https://youtu.be/cAF4L9RNlHg

Pedro A

me and grae did fine.....i really liked our ideia....i hope the judges like it too......IM SO NERVOUS...after this challenge chilllee...IT WILL be a mess

Olivia A

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Olivia A

Working with Cody on this challenge was a lot of fun!! We’re not in the same alliance but if I’m in a position where I do need to strategically work with him later on I’m confident that won’t be too difficult. Also I love what we made lol.

Grae g

Amy got immunity which is very sexy Zack not so much but you know he’s not an active target ((yet))

Kalle N

Ok I literally had to make a chart to keep track of which lies I'm telling to which people bc this is getting WILD. Basically, Ben and I are trying to organize a Grae blindside without Grae knowing anything. If all goes according to plan, we have the numbers to make it happen without me even having to vote for Grae, which will make Maddison and Olivia still trust me. We're also trying to get Maddison to play her idol so we're pretending that her name is being thrown out. In order for this to work we NEED Aimee so tomorrow we're trying to pit her against Grae and make her think that Grae is just using her as a number and wants to get rid of her. I also have to keep talking to Pedro and just make sure he doesn't spread any info or find anything out. Bc he could topple this whole thing. I've also told everyone that I have a fake idol when it's actually real, and Grae is the only one who knows it's real. So if we vote them out and they haven't told anyone else, then that secret dies with them and I'm golden. Even Ben thinks my idol is fake. I'M OUT HERE PLAYING 11TH DIMENSIONAL CHESS rn

Zack M

to quote the great philosopher t-pain, "all i do is win win win...." dude. what?! i won the first "individual" immunity challenge?! this is so wild to me. najwah and sarah's was so cute. i want the little bead man najwah made of me. she really called me an #EMOGAY ... love to see it. back to my work though ... look ... was amy my first choice? no. literally no offense to you amy because you were actually a delight to work with because you allowed me to do what i wanted to do. the secret to a relationship with me is to let me have my way. you did and LOOK AT GOD you're safe. i know i'm a threat in this game and the second i don't win i will be in the mouths of everyone ... im including my alliances in that statement. like why would you want to keep me in this game with my track record? i guess for a shield? seems risky to me. i would 100% blindside me. i would like to take a second and talk to one of the judges from this challenge: dear raffy, lord where do i even start. this is an online game of survivor that's happening while everyone is also living real life. i'm not sure what you expected from people but like damn dude ... you were really acting like you were a guest judge on america's got talent or something. make way for TRYra banks. he called himself "a moment" in his bio. let me tell you that no people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. i can't. lol. you literally gave me a 6 for appeal but gave a computer generated buzzfeed quiz a 9. these judges should really have to explain their scores live in my opinion. ALSO JUDGES SHOULD NOT BE PEOPLE WHO ARE DRAFTING PLAYERS!!! now, i'm not saying they are cheating. (please do not edit this out because i just learned that was a thing from najwah. i will share whatever is missing from my confessions on twitter or somewhere if it isn't here when posted.) it seems a lot of this game is "in the family" and i don't like that. it's hard to be unbiased. but back to raffy ... you said i should have included the entire tribe or created a whole deck. sir ... 1. this is an INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE that i already had the displeasure of working on with someone else. it should have just been me on that card tbh. i'm tired of having everything comeback to a tribe. this isn't pre-merge. 2. create a whole deck? this was not some copy and paste art project. i did EVERYTHING including writing out the text on the cards instead of typing it out. now that that's out of my system .. jesus .. i don't even know where to begin with the vote. ben and i have decided to start floating maddison and olivia's names around. this will hopefully scare maddison into using whatever her MAYBE advantage from the auction is. let's flush that out. BUT the target i believe is going to be grae. we're not going to share that until later because we don't know if they're are any moles in the group. omg i just thought, what if her advantage is to steal immunity away from a player at tribal. i don't think that's ever been a thing but like maybe on this fucked up online version it could be. you just never know what to expect. hopefully everything goes according to plan and i just get to chill and see where everyone stands in the game .... and then i win again next time.

Pedro A

I dont like that Amy came to talk to me.....seems suspicious...expecially because amy and najwah for sure have an allience...LOL.....i dont even know what to say..........i think im going tonight...maybe im just being paranoid....But i have this feeling....and hey its my 3rd tribal....3 times its a charm LOL

Amy A

So my little alliance with Najwah is brewing 😂. We’re super close and tell each other everything and I think this is the best move I’ve made since the game started. Also, I won immunity 🎉. Najwah’s advantage really helped. Cos that’s what boosted us. Unless no one tells me she’s the vote, she’s NOT going home tonight. I feel really great for tonight’s tribal and can’t wait to see what’s next.

Pedro A

but im 95% sure najwah..and amy are working a together...like amy came to talk to me...while najwah was online....and it seemed like shes was comparing notes ..to what i said to najwah lol

Pedro A

it feel like Najwah came to supervise me and to get me to throw out a name...LIKE GURLLLL...you think im stoopid?....I HAVE A BAD FEELING...i think its me tonight...chilleeee...which is dumb tbh....cause theres bigger fish...

Pedro A

I feel like najwah...doesnt trust me........like shes always...suspicous of me ...i dont like that....like im paranoid...but she is AN INVESTIGATOR

Pedro A

IM going homeeee FUCKKK

Pedro A

Theory confirmed...CHILLEE...kalle told me....and Grae, Maddison, or Olivia, are planning to vote my ass out...like gurl....and apparently the other tribe was also considering voting my ass out also...wtffff...IM AT ROCK BOTTOM...and im not even playing both sides...i just want grae maddison and olivia out LOL

Pedro A

Grae´s ass better leave...i worked so mf hard on that challenge...and got a disadvantge from them ...and now they are trynna vote me out...LIKE chillleee wtf

Maddison

I! Still! Want! Pedro! Gone! Also hi Zack you’re the clear ringleader but you’ll be knocked out soon enough my guy

Olivia A

Hiii so it’s looking like we’re going for Pedro. I think we have a solid 6 and hopefully 7 if we can get Aimee to get Sarah in with us. This vote feels really important bc it’s gonna establish who has the majority. Although, anyone could flip at any time. WHO KNOWS!!

Kalle N

So last night I was stressing and now I've actually decided to just pass away. This is getting insane. I told Pedro about the Grae vote and he's in, I just have to babysit him and make sure that he doesn't say a word about it to anyone. We also NEED Cody to use his extra vote. I need to throw away my vote on someone that Amy could vote for bc I'm gonna have to throw blame on her after this if this actually works out. The lying is really getting on top of me bc I have to say different things to different people but here we are. Very big tribal tonight

Maddison

I wish some people would realize that if you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played.

Amy A

The votes are a MESS lemme tell you! The names are Pedro and Grae. We’re tryna use Cody as our decoy vote. The actual mess is in who we’re gonna involve and everyone tryna downplay their closeness to people on the other side. OG Maola tea-time seems to be working well together and have all agreed on Pedro. Maddison has taken a step back from the aggressive role cos I think she has seen that it’d make her a target. I honestly wouldn’t mind voting her out someday because she’s GOOD. I just want us all to get through this tribal and see where the lines fall.

Amy A

Najwah is an actual rockstar 😂😂😂. She and I are basically a tag team at this point. Our private messages are actually lit. Nothing is off topic and literally everything I hear, I tell her. The best part is always blaming the things I know from her from our Palena swap tribe on James. I always say ‘James told me ...’ and it’s HILARIOUS. People may have doubted at the beginning but I think that now, no one even thinks we work together. We nicknames Zack and Pedro ‘Dynamic Dúo’ and I basically love her. She’s my spirit animal.

Olivia A

The vote is still Pedro but our fake-out vote is Cody. I completely trust the people I’m working with but I’m getting a gut feeling that this isn’t going to work out in our favor. Just bc the numbers aren’t quite secure yet. But I’ll just stick w the plan and stay hopeful :/

Kalle N.

kinda bummed we didn't get to pull off the Grae blindside tonight and give Pedro the idol that no one knows about :( But I'm more bummed that Zack was treating anyone the way he did so good riddance I guess. The PB & K alliance is hopefully going to be the undercover move making force that we need to keep our momentum going forward. Unfortunately I do have to work with Ben for right now since I'm definitely on the bottom of my other alliances. It'll be interesting to see what happens next

Pedro A

SOOO this was a mess....i was going homeee tonight.........this wholee situation saved my damn lifeeee.....lets hope this was only a situational thing....and next round is someone different....i doubt it...but still......im so shocked about zack...also can i say that my nº1s change every elimination ..like now its kalle and ben ...i trust them..they had my best interest in mind....im sorry to whoever is reading this...i dont like making long texts in english..and im not good with essays.. SORRY

Aimee

I’m not sure where I left off in my last confessional lol so I’ll start here It was a lot of fun working with Kalle on the coloring and poem projects. I really liked her haiku and her originality of it. I hope she becomes more confident in her creative writing. I’m happy that we got 3rd overall. This morning I heard Grae’s name get thrown around. Haha I literally almost cried when I heard that. I’m not normally an emotional person but I feel like Grae and I have such a special connection and I don’t want to lose it so soon. They are a joy to talk with everyday and I might honestly have a little crush forming. ☺️😅 Their energy matches no other that I talk to in this game. 🤩 It was so nice getting reached out to by Grae and Maddison on how they wanted to vote Pedro out. It was such a relief to finally get included in a vote. I am working closely with Ben in this game. Our main thing is that no one can know we are working together so that we can hear information from all sides of the game. He is someone that I can spill my guts to about ANYTHING game related and I know that he is in it with me for the long haul. There’s so much we know about each other that it’s almost impossible to betray each other without burning each other to the ground! Not that I would want to! He is such a sweetheart and I love him to bits! Haha it’s hard to keep track of the days at this point. We video chat a lot and I really enjoy his company! I’m happy we both made it to merge and together we can turn this game upside down. Sarah and I call ourselves Team Casanova! The flash game queens! 👑 I love talking with her about outside of the game stuff. It’s was so great having her on Maola with me and now merge. We have built such a strong relationship and I really think she is someone I can trust through the end!!!! I really enjoy Maddison too. She seems so down to earth and easy to talk to. I’m glad she sees me as an ally and am excited to see how far she is willing to work with me. Shout out to my girl Najwah! I had no idea what all she was going through and I’m so happy that the emotional threat to her well being is out of this game. She is such a gem and I hope we get to work together more in the future. I’m honestly happy Zack is out of the game. I don’t enjoy hearing what all he was saying about contestants and the host. This game is meant for fun. I hope with him being out the game will be less stressful for us all. I’m just so sorry to hear about what people on my old Hanuha chat had to go through, it sounds even worse than how I felt about things. It breaks my heart and I’m relieved for this reset in the game where we can all air things out and come together. I love everyone here and I’m so happy Jay has decided to recruit me. These friendships I have made and continue to make have been such a joy this summer. Your lady is strong and I will keep fighting for that immunity. ✌️

Najwah

these past 24 hours have been the craziest ever and I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions, all while forgetting to eat, barely sleeping ans having not got out of bed today. Let me start from the beginning, hopefully I remember it all. Let me grab some snacks too. So it started with our first reward challenge. The auction. zack immediately asked me what I got and everyone else were sharing their bid items in the old hanuha group chat so in a panic, I told him. In retrospect, I should have lied. Anyway, zack made me doubt my trust in Cody so i decided not to tell Cody the truth about the necklace, i would learn that zack had told cody about my necklace almost immediately. But more on that later. Anyway, in a panic, i told ben too. lmao. Why? who knows? But i suppose it was an opening and Ben and i Could talk for the first time. Why am i writing this at 12 am on like2 hours sleep? who knows? Okay so then the reward challenge comes up and I am paired with Sarah. I end up having the best day ever. I had so much fun creating and chatting to sarah. We just spoke about life, absolutely nothing game related. For the first time in this entire game, I felt as though we could actually WIN and for the first time, I was having THE BEST DAY. I gave each of my 8bit survivor characters little haikus. It was funny, if i say so myself. Me? I love my silly humour. Okay this page is cutting me off I will write these in parts.

Najwah

Before the challenge due date yesterday, Cody messages me and of course I am pleasantly surprised as I have felt like things were a bit off between Cody and I since merge happened. He said he wants to call and it ends up being one of the most emotional calls i have had in a while, even in real life. Through our call, we realised that we have basically had the same gut feelings about zack and his behaviour for a while now and we spoke about how zack has been trying to pit us against each other, how controlling and jealous and manipulative he is. We basically realised that the reason we have been so mentally exhausted was BECAUSE of Zack's paranoia. zack spoke so much game. we were constantly being bombarded and had our trust and loyalty questioned and he thought nothing about throwing My or Cody's names out. All of this just validated and reaffirmed our feelings towards Zack and we decided there and then that we would vote Zack out ASAP. As we were talking, the reultsof the challenge were released and lmao what are the chances that FRIGGEN ZACK WINS IMMUNITY URGGGHHHH. We were reeling and i so much wanted to decompress with Cody but then I had my meeting with the VL draft people so I had to reframe my mindset. Bare in mind that this is all happening at 4am and im under the blankets, with a warm bean bag because it is freezing out. NajwahI actually loved my conference call with Ellie, Raffy and Tim. What awesome people. I wish i wasn't as distracted or could articulate better because I feel as though my mind was all over the place but i also took the opportunity to ask for their advice and guidance post my call of revelations with Cody. It was still fresh in my mind and they gave me some GOOD pointers. They also told me how I should approach the game moving forward. I loved how they all had such different approaches. Raffy made me laugh so much. They told me how to deal with Zack too. So some other ish went down after this call.

Najwah

Cody calls me and is like "lets get on a three way call with Sarah" After gushing about how much we love each other and how we have been on the same page for such a long time, Sarah throws an idea out that sticks. WHY NOT VOTE PEDRO OUT TO ISOLATE ZACK SINCE WE CANNOT VOTE ZACK. And we spent a lot of time freaking out and laughing about how we are going to do that. Cody was frustrated that everyone just assumed he and Zack were a duo and I said its because "Zack and Cody" to which Cody replied "Well this definitely aint the sweet life." Later I suggested that we call the group Mr Moseby and Cody said it was perfect as Zack was the bane of Mr Mosebys existance. Everytime i think about it I laugh. We spoke until my battery died, which was around 6am. I didnt sleep much because I was tasked to get a name out of pedro. I think i was messy there because Pedro accused me of being acting "like a supervisor and demanding a name from him like he is a ring leader" and honestly, it made me laugh so much. He is so dramatic I can't deal. Anyway, he knew what I was trying to do and he called me out and I apologised and honestly felt bad about the whole thing. In the end, I am happy we didn't vote him out. He has loose lips but he is very honest and I like that.

Najwah

So i feel as though there are so many things that happened simultaneously today. Amy L and I are working together on the side, she gives me all the ex maola tea. She told me Maddison has an idol. I haven't used this information yet and I won't now because it will raise questions. I told her that some of us are willing to vote Zack. The funny thing about our chats is that Amy keeps saying we need to share this tea with the VL. Any bit of information I have ever given her, she tells her tribemates she got from James lmao. And whenever I talk about her, I use James and Ryan too. Our alliance is so low key and its such a safe, unpretentious space. We have the best chats and we just spill tea for information's sake. Neither of us are going to use any of the tea. It's great having an in.

Najwah

So all day Zack has been bitching about jay and Raffy and the judges and honestly, I can't even remember what else. It was as though he got a kick out of being verbally abusive. I think he watches too much trashy reality TV, there is a difference between sassy and just plain rude. I also felt that many of his comments were borderline misogynistic. also, whatever information I have given him, he used against Jay. Today was a blur and also intense and also exhausting. I went with Cody to a mall, to visit his friend at a military base, drove around with him, chatted in his room while he was drinking a whole bottle of frozen coke. Like we spoke so much and it was just Zack's constant bitching and paranoia getting to us? Like? How does one person make so many people feel uncomfortable. Cody got on a call with Ben and told him that we had been trying to vote Pedro out and ben went ballistic and said that i am being manipulated by ex moala, he didn't know that we all wanted Pedro out. It made me mad so I called Ben too and asked him why he keeps thinking I want to flip? But he gave me his word and I guess that should mean something. Today was especially exhausting because I had to pretend and entertain Zack until we voted him out. I hated every minute because usually if i find out people talk shit about me, I either talk it out or just not talk to the person at all. I couldnt do that with him. I needed him tio feel safe with me in order for us to pull of the pedro blindside. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realised wtf had just happened. Am i sad that I didn't get that satisfaction? yep.

Najwah

Do I feel Zack should have been removed? Honestly no. I don't agree with it. I think we should have worked with everyone else and voted him out. I genuinely don't think he is a horrible person. In all honesty, I wish we could have met outside this game. I feel as though the game wasn't good for him. Not that i'm trying to justify his actions but I feel as though he got too invested and was too emotionally unstable. Most of us are here to have fun. Sure, it would be nice to win but at the end of the day it's not real life and I would much rather preserve the friendships and connections I've made in this game than win. Winning is nice but it isn't everything. Am i worried about Zack and wonder whether he will have a setback of some sort? Definitely. He has spoken about his crippling anxiety numerous times, which he has also projected time and time again.

Najwah

So Cody feels bad and blames himself for all of this. I don't blame him. I feel bad too. I thought I would feel some sort of relief with zack gone, but it is just guilt. I mean the messages were still sent in confidence and I feel bad for violating his privacy. I also feel bad for entertaining him because of the game. I don't want to be playing so hard that I go against my values. It just feels weird with zack removed. Like he wont be on the jury. I can't stop wondering whether he is okay, as a human to another human. My husband says that the Russel Hantz of Tierra del fuego got removed. It made me laugh a little. He is a survivor super fan too so he is very invested in all of this. Sigh. I may have left some stuff out because its so late and just A LOT has happened but I will keep confessing as I think of things or remember things. Oh lol Ben said he would voted Zack out in a heart beat, Basically we all felt the exact same from the beginning, no one wanted to speak out in fear of being targeted.

Olivia A

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Ben Kessler

Today was eventful, so I will skip to the end. Situationally, I believe I am not in a good spot at all. There are 11 people left, Pedro will receive votes next tribal, but I would like him to stay. My former tribe it seems as though everyone is closer with others than they are with me, except possibly Aimee but that's a stretch. Today could potentially crash my game. So, what do I do? Hope is not strategy. Tomorrow, I talk to others. I ensure everybody knows how close people are. I play double agent. I make sure I am at least in important conversations to merely be there. I let people know I want to be with them in a group setting. I re-establish that I am here to have a good time. At the end of the day, this both is and isn't monopoly. Strategy is involved, but the rules aren't as specific. You don't know how much money or property people are holding. Situationally, though, it is the same. You work with the hand you are dealt and I intend to make the absolute best of this hand. People will do what they want for a variety of reasons, so I need to let things roll off my shoulders, read, and react. To end this long confessional, I am not hoping for anything. I will be doing things to affect change. If I see it doesn't work, I lay low. Read and react.

Maddison

the pink house has become my safe haven. i shall inhabit her until i can no longer. thank you, pink house, for the many blessings of coins that you have given myself and my allies.

Pedro A

Okay...so i think grae maddison and olivia are voting me....and everyone else is voting maddison (if maddison doesnt use her ring)...and im voting olivia and using kalles idol....idk at this point 2 hours till tribal..and anything can change

Sarah

Plans keep changing every minute but as of right now going into this first Merge tribal, the plan is to vote out Maddison because it seems like Maddison, Grae, and Olivia want to vote Pedro so if they vote Pedro and the rest of us vote Maddison we may could blindside her and we could get an idol out of the game. If she plays an idol, then Pedro still goes home and original Hanuha is saved... but if Pedro wins immunity, of course we will have to rework everything. We may be able to do 4 for Olivia and 4 for Maddison .

Aimee

https://elysiankardia.tumblr.com/post/625017490490179584

Is this really happening? Am I going to vote for who I ACTUALLY want to vote for for once, as a treat? And I getting what I want...and controlling the vote?! Am I in the twilight zone? The name of the game now is to get all of my potential final allies to get along with each other and play nice. My hand is in so many cookie jars I have to be careful, all my relationships trust each other. I already have an army ready to strike if anyone tries to turn on me, and I was forming those relationships genuinely and BEFORE I needed them to come through for me, not last minute where trust would be harder to earn. I literally am running this vote off of Grae and Maddison and onto a different target. Hanuha is so deadest in getting one of the “core three” out and this is the best I can do to protect those two but also not flip on people who I trust from my original tribe. For DAYS they have been so afraid of Grae and Maddison and I’m put in massive work to divert that away from them. My plan is something right down the middle, where I get to have my cake and eat it too. I love the best of both worlds; I’m Hannah Montana!

Maddison

Tonight is going to be a big one. I’ve heard my name and I really don’t want to go home with an idol in my pocket. Better safe than sorry? Olivia AI really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Sarah

Amy A

Tribal again and with it, ALLLLLL the drama. So I have made a ‘vote four’ alliance w Kalle, Ben and Pedro which is supposed to be secret. Which makes it two secret alliances I’m a part of 😂😂😂😂😂😂. The alliance w Najwah is definitely the one I’m most loyal to but Pedro and co seem like a really solid group I can work with. I didn’t think I’d win immunity so there’s that. About tonight’s vote, the new ‘core four’ is aiming for Grae but in order to keep the alliance a secret, only Pedro will vote for her. It’s all exciting stuff and I KNOW tonight’s tribal is going to be THE ONE. Cannot wait.

Olivia A

I really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Aimee

Nooooo I didn’t need Olivia to win immunity. That way she is one of the “core 3 Maola” out. Oh man I don’t think I can save my game and Maddison at the same time. I got the target off Grae after merge happened. I worked so hard for that so this all wasn’t for nothing. There’s like fifteen minutes before tribal and I’m still not entirely sure what is going to happen.

#episodes

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booksong · 7 years ago

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Fic Writers Week 2017: Day 1

Prompt: Words of Validation

First off, let me state what will be obvious to most fellow writers--I love literally each and every comment I get, knowing that someone was moved or excited enough about what I wrote to put that effort in. Seeing that comment notification always makes my day brighter, whether it’s on my most popular fics or one with only a handful of hits. If you are someone who’s ever commented on a fic of mine, know that I read it and loved it and appreciated it so, so much!

That said, there are definitely a few comments that go that extra mile, and become the ones that inspire you, comfort you, and that you reread so often you basically memorize them. I’ve copied a few here below the Read More.

-There are few better moments in the fanfic writing life than when you participate in a fandom gift exchange, and your recipient leaves you a comment with their reaction. From my Akisae fic Hazard Label:

i can die happily now thank you SO MUCH for writing this for me, this is so perfect and nbd but im gonna like, liveblog this while i read bc you deserve a long ass comment about how good this is. u deserve everything in the world for this fic, tbh

"Akiteru couldn’t imagine anyone being in charge of Tanaka Saeko" ok but same.... i love this line so much it's so in character im dead

WTF IM SO....... I CANT DEAL....... “You know, when Kei-kun blocked Ushijima’s spike that first time, I thought you were going to fall over the railing. I was seriously preparing to grab your jacket and save your life.” AND RHE NWXT PART??????

IM.... IM SO EMOTIONAL I LOVE SHY FLIRTING “And the first thing I thought, after I was sure you weren’t going to die, was that I really, really wanted to kiss you.”

also i love how akiteru is practicing with karasuno and playing with his brother... tbh that means a lot to me, and their relationship... god this is so good

“I keep telling you, I kinda like dating a girl who can kick my ass.” me too akiteru, me too. i love girls like that. they could kill me and i'd say thank u, honestly. saeko is rly high up on that list...

also YES I LOVE THE 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU type, omg saeko actually reminds me of kat a bit, tbh... i can totally see it. i wanted to cringe at the pet names but it was so cute that i couldnt do it. its just. im dead now... i love u for this thank you so much i appreciate this

RIP Mairin (1997-2016) Cause of Death: this fucking fic

- I’ve been absolutely blown away by the positive reception to my first Daisuga fic, Add New Contact over the past couple years. Here are just a couple of the many fantastic comments it’s gotten:

I have been grinning at my phone for the past ten minutes because this is so CUTE omg! Possibly the cutest thing I've read all year. Daichi is such a lovesick NERD and I love how he keeps trying to rationalize what he's doing. (In his defense though, I would break my phone to see Suga too.) And Suga sneaking into Daichi's phone may have made me laugh. I would say I want more of this, but it ended so perfectly! Thanks for sharing!

I reread this fic for the third time and honestly idk why but this time it makes me cry (r u even serious) it has been a while since i read haikyuu and them fics or doujin (since the Yuri on ice fever) and i've kind of forgotten how much i love these two. Think i cried just because now i remembered how cute those two are and GAHHHH I LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE SO SO SO MUCH i can't even express how much i love this fic in words???? Like it wouldn't ever be enough to say how much i adore this fic gdi, yes daisuga has been my fav otp since who knows when, but this fic makes me fell A LOT MORE for daisuga than i have ever been. They're so in characters and all of the dialogues and inner thoughts are so sweet and just, reALLY REALLY THEM. your characterization is perfect and honestly if i should ask for more, then i really want more daisuga from you, 'cause really, your writing style. Geez. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. You make me ship them even more and ghhhhhhh this is surely one of my all time favorite fics in the universe. And no i'm not exaggerating at all. Please never stop writing stuffs. Thank u for existing and for making this fic exists love u bless u

I've been having a really rough time, but this fic made me smile so big and so much, I could barely stand it, ahaha. Thank you so much for brightening my day with this adorable fic. You wrote every character so well, and it just solidified for me just how much I love DaiSuga. <3

Thanks again!

- Finally, comments that are given to my works that are more about character-study than shipping, or that I put a lot of personal feelings into, hold a special place for me. I wrote Things We Forged in the Fire as a celebration of Morgiana, one of my favorite ladies, and reading that my characterization resonated with people really touched me:

This is absolutely perfect, you really capture the ferocity and gentleness of Mor, I'm a bit jealous of you. Also the alimor was divine, subtle and sweet, mutual respect is such a key component of their relationship, yet it's left out a lot.

Anyway this is going down under one of my favorite Magi fics (don't have ao3 account) Keep up the good work!

I love this story! I really don't leave comments in archive of our own because of the need to leave an email address but, this story just needed to be commented on how fantastic it is. I have just been reading Magi and I also believe that Morgiana is one of the most bad-ass character ever! And, you are also correct that there are not many stories that are dedicated to Mor (or to Mor and Alibaba as a pair) which is quite sad.

I like the way that you described Mor and Alibaba's relationship. It was not forced and I really appreciate that because even if AliMor (is this correct?) is my "ship", sometimes some stories just fail to capture the mutual respect that Alibaba and Morgiana have for each other. Also, grammatically, I did not find any mistakes (though I'm not an expert in that particular area) and your use of words was simple and understandable yet it also captures what you want to convey to your readers.

I really hope that you would be making more stories about Morgiana (she's such an under-appreciated character!) or about her and Alibaba (since this is my ship after all. Hahaha). Are you considering making a multi-chaptered story for them? (*blinks at you with puppy eyes). I would definitely read them. More power to you and may you write more stories for Magi! And, happy new year! :)

So basically, comments help keep us writers going, and we love your enthusiasm and excitement. Never worry that your comments are annoying, too long or short, too full of caps lock, too ramble-y, or not detailed enough. We love them all!

#comments #fanfic #ficwritersweek #day 1 #writer prompt #haikyuu!!#magi: the labyrinth of magic

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5hineesback · 7 years ago

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feel korea fanacc 2017 (exid biased)

this is going to be a very detailed fanacc of the full day, including the bad events which took place before the concert

first off let me say that kpop fans are honestly such lovely people. i came across a few bad eggs during the day but overall everyone was amazing. i arrived earlier than my friend and i made friends so quickly with the people who were in front of me in the queue, and i ended up spending the whole concert with them

secondly let me say that the organisation of this concert was an absolute joke, specifically the queueing. it was terrible, the worst organisation i’ve seen in a long time. they originally had one queue for everything, then created a ‘concert’ queue and made people move, then when the daytime event queue had died down we got moved back to where we originally were - except there was no guidance. everyone just ran for it. people at the front ended up at the back and people who’d just arrived got to the front. there was also a severe problem of people pushing in at the front - there was no barrier to block it and when we complained the security didn’t even try to do anything about it.

i got to the venue at around 12:15, joined the only queue there was, was then moved to the ‘concert’ queue at around 12:45, was very near the front and managed to stay in basically the same place when we got moved back to our original line. then waited for about 6 hours, filled with events such as, as ive mentioned, people pushing in at the front and pretending they were there the whole time, the barrier being widened to such a degree at the front that there was no order at all

then came the worse part. we were lining up around the back of the building, and they wanted to move us to the front doors. so they stood back, and told us to go. everyone ran, again. i got pushed into walls and an open door, girls were falling over or hurting themselves on the barriers as everyone tried to get through. we had been asking them throughout the day how they were planning to get us in - we suggested sending us in groups of 10 or 20, or just making sure we all got to the doors one at a time. instead there was hundreds of people running to the doors, filling up the street because there was no barrier there to meet us. again, i managed to keep my place, pretty much, but a lot of people lost theirs, including girls at the front who had been there since 6am to queue. then despite the street being full of fans, they then told us to get in single file. which was fucking stupid because it wasnt possible. not unless they moved everyone forward enough, past the doors, to make enough room to move everyone against the wall, or move people backwards from the back of the queue, which literally went around the whole block. we eventually got in by them just giving up and letting us in one at a time with as little pushing as possible

but anyway, thats enough of that, although i will be complaining officially online lmao

okay the actual concert. by some miracle, i just got to the barrier, i got the last space. but myself and a couple of girls to my left were in the worst place to be at the barrier - in front of us was a camera man officially recording for the tv screen above, so during the concert idols would often be blocked by the camera which will be shown in my exid fancams lmao. but hey, i was at the barrier, i can’t complain. the distance from the barrier to the stage was about 10 feet i think, it was pretty large tbh so im rly glad i got to be there. we also got given water by very nice security thank u security

they were showing mvs for about an hour while we waited. if you were there, the first scream @ jeonghwa’s appearance in any mv was always me jsyk dklfjhdskj

when the concert started, there was a taekwondo performance which was a m a z i n g, they were breaking wood with their feet and at one point i was scared the broken wood would hit me lmao

after that, hani came on mc’ing, along with two other guys who i don’t know. the moment she appeared i Died. she was wearing such a pretty white dress, shes so angelic and cute and beautiful. she came out to mc after every performance, except it was just the guys when exid was about to perform. she spoke about going to see the disadvantaged kids yesterday and one of the guys was like “hanis not just beautiful, she has a beautiful heart” and hani said “the most beautiful is everyone here!” jdksa shes honestly a Dream

knk was first to perform, then snuper, then exid, then highlight. i’m not gonna pretend i was really there to see anyone but exid, because i wasn’t. but i did hearts to all the idols and i really enjoyed all their performances. knk sang knock first which is the only song i like by them so to hear it was so great. they’re such good dancers and they’re all very pretty

after knk, hani and the guys introduced a “special performance because london has gone through some hardships recently”. it was hyerin singing “you raise me up” and it was so beautiful i would have cried if i weren’t so focused on filming haha

then it was snuper’s turn to perform. i only know platonic love, so i enjoyed that, but i was pretty clueless about the rest of the songs. i still liked it tho. during one of their songs they brought a fan on stage to sing to her and also threw roses to the crowd. according to my friend who was a bit further back one of the members aimed one at her but a girl in front of her caught it lol. one of the members was so funny idk his name but fans threw a signed uk flag at the stage and he put it on like a cape and he came over to our section loads. hes my bias now but who is he

after that (i think??), knk came back on to perform a cover of an ed sheeran song which i don’t know the name of. everyone sang with them and it was rly Nice

then my girls!!! arrived and i screamed So Loud it was too much. they’re all so beautiful, but u kno i love my girl jeonghwa and omg... pictures and videos dont do her justice at all shes honestly Ethereal i went into shock and i almost teared up. i saw a girl so beautiful i started crying???

they started with hot pink and i could kinda feel how empty it was without solji but it was still amazing to see the four of them. then they moved onto night rather than day, then ah yeah, then finally up and down. i was trying So Hard to get interaction, i made eye contact with jeonghwa a few times and every time i was givin her hearts... she just kinda glanced over me tho.... its ok i still love u

the girl next to me got So much interaction, from l.e especially. she had a homemade exid fan sign and l.e seemed to love it haha. i probably should have made something too

exid’s performance seemed to go so quickly, i filmed most of their songs and some of their talk. i haven’t even watched the videos yet i’m gonna die

after exid, there was a performance with snuper and a group of girl dancers who i think won a competition during the day? they did dance covers of a few bts songs

then highlight came on and performed two of their new songs, before two of their old ones. i rly enjoyed the old ones, the new ones... they were okay but i liked being reminded of their old image as beast. i think this was when one of them motioned for us to clap, i was one of the first to start so he looked at me was he was walking our way and nodded at me which was cool lol. i think it was highlight anyway.... and i think it was that time... honestly the boy groups... kinda mushed together for me i could even begin to tell you which member it was. i made eye contact with a few guys of the various groups so i cant rly remember specifically

during highlights performance this annoying girl came up behind me and was literally pushing against me, trying to move my hair, touching my arms and back before eventually asking if i could move over. i did, but i later found out that the girl had literally somehow managed to get to the barrier from the back. she was rude as hell. also there was fireworks during the performance which scared the crap out of me i was like that compilation vid of chanyeol

after highlight, there was an encore where all the groups came out and threw balls and balloons. knk was in front of our section and exid were next to them more towards the middle. i feel bad for saying it but i ... rly wanted exid in front of me lmao. i did hearts towards them and here is where i might have got interaction from hani but im not sure???? she looked in my direction as i was looking at her and making a heart with my hands and she grinned and did a thumbs up but im not sure it was at me it might have been someone near me. i like to think it was at me tho. people around me got a lot of interaction with different idols but i didnt?? thats going back to diy stuff tho, ppl around me had created signs and written messages on paper and stuff so i guess thats where that came from. i rly would have done something too for exid but i didnt think id be that close, never mind at the barrier so i didn’t see much point

there was also confetti flying from a machine right in front of me and i accidentally dropped my exid fan sign i was given in the queue over the barrier so i caught confetti in my bag to take home instead lol. the annoying girl was still there and still annoying, she threw something at knk she’d made and one of the members got it and she started screaming and crying and yelling i love u which i wouldnt mind but... after the way she was so rude to me (and as i found out later, other ppl) nah why does she deserve that lmao. she also ended up getting a ball since security came over with two that had dropped and she said the yellow was hers... it wasnt she even asked me who signed it lmao

overall it was a really good concert and i cant wait to watch the videos back. it had ups and downs but despite having to miss london pride for it i dont regret going. i got to meet some great people and ofc i got to see my Special Girls in the flesh... they said they’d come back soon i hope so. ive drunk so much water tonight and im about to go and drink more also i can’t walk

#im prob forgetting some stuff it was a long day #i'll be posting my exid vids tomorrow probably #my fanaccs #ellie rambles

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