#i have to make this pst because i literally can not stop thinking about it and need to vent about my Normal Interests

[pyomatic]

I have a handful of quirky girly things that I literally have to force myself not to engage with because otherwise I will spend DAYS with my mind 100% of the time ruminating on them and they include

- Baldwin IV king of jerusalem - Radiation and Nuclear Disasters 

[sapphire-weapon]

So, I’ve been going through FFXVI a second time on NG+ in Final Fantasy mode (and, in case anyone is wondering, FFXVI is the same as literally every other FF in the sense that, once you’ve figured out how the combat system actually works, you can break the game, and it really doesn’t matter how artificially difficult they try to make it. FF mode feels easier than Action Focused mode to me, because this time through, I have a broken as fuck build).

What I’ve decided to do this time around is to just mainline the story. I have skipped every single sidequest and only done the main campaign.

This game is very, very different when you do that. This game’s sidequests work against it in a big way.

I didn’t realize just how quickly the plot moves from Cid rescuing Clive and Jill to the five-year timeskip. It’s really fucking fast. Part of the reason why I was so critical about the plot just moving on from the tragedy of Rosaria and Clive’s trauma about Joshua’s murder was because, the first time I went through this game, I did every single sidequest, and I did them as soon as they became available -- so I stewed in Clive’s misery far longer than the main story, I think, intended.

For reference, I played this game from 9PM PST on Wednesday the 21st and beat it at like 2am PST on Monday the 26th. All of Wednesday night and most of Thursday was spent with Clive still in his Imperial armor; I hadn’t even made it to Eastpool yet and gotten the new outfit from Lady Hanna. That’s how long I sat with him and his trauma. 

I spent nearly a full day and a half with the version of Clive that stopped in the center of a bridge and looked over the side of it, contemplating whether he should throw himself off -- the version of Clive who breaks down crying and wondering why he hasn’t killed himself yet.

So -- yeah, it was really jarring to me to sit with guilt-ridden, traumatized Clive for that long and then, out of nowhere, have Joshua just fucking... show up again and everything is fine, don’t worry about it shut up.

Skipping those sidequests and going straight through the story makes that transition far less baffling and upsetting. It’s still not great; it’s still not handled very well; but it’s way better.

The biggest issue is that there’s never a conversation about it. The timeskip happens, and then Clive is sitting at his desk and Jill’s like “Joshua gave us a second chance” as though it’s just a normal fucking thing to casually say “your dead brother was there with us” to someone --

but, for her, by this point in her life, it is normal for her to say that -- because she and Clive have already had a conversation about it. Multiple, probably. She already helped Clive work through his confusion and his distress and his having to come to terms with his brother still being alive.

But we didn’t get to see that.

We had a whole big gameplay and story sequence dedicated to Clive accepting that he was Joshua’s murderer, but then we got absolutely nothing about how the truth that he’d been forced to accept was still a fucking lie. It was still a lie! It still wasn’t true! And the game just ignores that!

And I get why the timeskip happened where it happened -- why the game didn’t linger on for an extra sequence of Clive and Jill returning to the Hideaway and finding everyone dead and then having to deal with that paired with the shocking reveal of Joshua’s continued survival. I get it. I get that, from a cinematic standpoint, it makes for a better transition to go from Joshua trapping Ultima in his chest to five years later.

But the game also never goes back to it. And that’s the real issue. For the game to go as hard as it did with “You have to accept the truth of what you did” and then... not follow it up with the fact that he didn’t do the thing he accepted that he did is... really bad and lazy.

But by not doing the sidequests, you can see better how short the Cid arc actually was, and so the whole thing does sort of feel like it’s less of a big deal that way than it does when you go through every single sidequest.

That doesn’t excuse it. It doesn’t absolve it. But it does give you a better idea of what the writers’ actual intentions for the story were.

I almost wonder if this game wouldn’t have been better off being structured like FFVII and having the game give us a Nibelheim flashback instead of opening with the Night of Flames -- because, I’ll tell you something else. In NG+, you can still skip the opening if you played the demo. So, for this playthrough of XVI, my game started at the Shiva vs Titan battle. That also helped the transition in the story feel more natural, because you were never there watching this horrible fucking thing happen in real-time. 

All you have to go off of are Clive’s stories, and Cid only half-believes him, and Jill doesn’t know what to think -- so it already sets the audience up to doubt that things unfolded exactly as Clive’s insisting they did. It actually builds the framework of the story around “this might not actually be true” instead of opening with the Night of Flames and later finding out LOL JK WE FOOLED YOU.

And instead of having an entire sequence dedicated to Clive accepting that he murdered Joshua, just have him accept the fact that he’s Ifrit and maybe ease up on the murder aspect of it. Because what isn’t done in that sequence is Clive snapping back out of it and going “but wait -- there’s still a second Dominant of fire running around, though. Gav saw him. Benedikta said she had him. I saw the fires he started at Caer Norvent. But, if I’m Ifrit, how can that be? Could Joshua... have lived?”

Because what actually happens is Clive snaps out of it and goes “yep I’m the killer” and “I definitely did that murder” and “I need to atone for the horrible murder that I absolutely did” and never once gives a SINGLE FUCKING THOUGHT to anything else that was actually going on during his search for the truth.

And -- again, I get it. I get that his desire to atone is what brought him back to Cid in the first place. But, like. He still killed everyone fucking else at Phoenix Gate; he can fucking atone for that while still wondering if Joshua himself is still alive. Like, the removal of the one murder doesn’t negate all of the other ones that he actually really, truly did for real. Clive is the reason why Rosaria no longer exists as an independent nation. If he hadn’t awakened as Ifrit that night, Anabella couldn’t have successfully pulled off her coup. So, like... yeah, all of that is still on his head.

It’s just a very simple, easy thing to have included in the story -- and the absence of it really does make me believe that the only reason why the whole concept of Joshua’s murder even existed in the first place was purely for the game’s marketing. And that fucking SUCKS to think about LMAO

[bingosagere]

Looking for a SFW CG :3

Hi! I'm slightly regressed while writing this BUT I will be professional :)

I go by Bingo when regressed, and I'm looking for a SFW CG!

Info under the cut :)

Some basic information about me:

I'm in the PST timezone

Big age is 17 (18 in April), and my regression age varies and is sometimes incomprehensible: I've regressed as small as a baby and as big as around 9, but usually I'm around 4-6

I'm a transman, on testosterone for about a year

I enjoy horror content, it makes me feel small, so if you don't enjoy it or are under the presumption that regressors shouldn't enjoy that stuff, don't contact

I'm a gamer! if you play Minecraft, Genshin Impact, Baldur's Gate 3, or Lethal Company, we could play together while we get to know one another

If you have a phobia of bugs, understandable and valid, but they are one of my special interests, and it's probably best if we do not interact, because I literally cannot shut up about them

My regression is usually involuntary, but can be triggered positively by outside sources (I can't trigger myself, it's weird--)

I'm autistic (not officially diagnosed, therapist recognized), and have trouble coming across the way I intend, if I ever seem upset or rude, please ask me to clarify my intent or ask for a tone tag!

I have C-PTSD, and sometimes have episodes when I regress, I understand that not everyone is equipped to deal with this, and definitely not willing to immediately upon meeting someone, and I am totally willing and able to take care of myself in these cases

Now some stuff about my preferences for a CG:

Would prefer a non-binary or masc-aligned person, of course don't let that stop you if you think we'd be a good fit, there definitely would be an exception if we get along really well

My age preference is 16-19, I'm not willing to go lower than 16, but if we really click, I'd probably be willing to go up to 21

Someone who doesn't mind sitting on a call in silence while we do separate activities (in case of regressing so small I can't speak, exhaustion, etc.)

I enjoy sleeping on call with people, but if you do not, it's not a deal breaker

I'll add more when I think of it!

If you're interested, by all means, DM me. might wanna do a bit of an interview (interrogation /j), before giving you my discord and switching over to that for communication

[springalwayscomes]

Not even a gift

Plot: Since the moment Jungkook saw your ass he swore he never saw something that beautiful. But then you turned around, and well, that was a total different thing. The poor man couldn’t even stand beside you without embarassing himself or embarassing you, and evey time seems to get worse and worse and...worse. 

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Dancer AU, Fluff, Humor, Smut, One Shot

Wordcount: 30k

Content Warning: Jungkook can’t stop embarassing himself, swearing, sexual innuendo, sexual tension, awkard situations, masturbation, sexual fantasies, a lot - a lot - of fluff, Reader with stress issues, overwhelming parents, trust issues

A/N: I wrote this when I was just joining the fandom, last year for Kookie’s birthday. I remember wanting to pst this so badly but it stayed in my drafts because I wasn’t sure it was good enough and I was a little insecure about the ending. I told to myself that someday I’d rewrite a new ending and post this, but knowing myself and how I work with my writing, I know that that day will never come because even if did so, I’ll probably end up with not liking my style of writing anymore and editit all out, leave it like this or delate it. So I told myself that I’d rather prefer to publish it. cause at the end this story was incredibly funny to write - sometimes I would laugh all alone like an idiot while writing it - and to be honest I think it’s pretty good. It’s the very first fanfiction I wrote about BTS so it’s also very meaningful for me. For reasons as the ones I already mentioned I decided to not edit this, so you might find some grammatical errors, please understand that this was the first time I wrote something from scratch in english. If you’d like to read it in episodes I’m going to publish it on youtube as a series too, where you’ll be able to live the full experience of the story since there you can visualize it too, as for the story it’s exactly the same as here. Enjoy reading this one, I know you’ll have fun!

Watch the first episode on Youtube

Since the moment Jungkook saw your ass he swore he never saw something that beautiful. It wasn’t just fit and solid, it was the way you were moving it on the beat, making it look like something he’d die to touch, squeeze, hold.

That was the very first thing he noticed about you.

He couldn’t help but fantasize how you’re face would look, watching your back from the doorframe of the ballroom. He imagined you sweat, little drops forming on your forehead caused by the the movements. He tried to focus his attention on the other dancers, fixating his gaze on the girl beside you making the exact same moves as you, but something about your presence kept on calling him like you were a mermaid and he was a poor sailor.

His dark doe-eyes ended again on your body, being in the last row it was hard for him to find your reflection in the mirror, other bodies moving endlessly making him grimace. He was running out of time, the poor man got stuck in traffic on his way here, already twenty minutes late, and god knows why he stopped looking at you dancing.

He shook his head when even after the music stopped your back was still facing him, not that he minded, but he was really dying to know how your face would look like.

Someone must have been both incredibly hungry and in love with him, cause a second later, you were bending over, resting your elbows on your thighs and giving him an even more beautiful view of your ass while trying to catch your breath. 

Breath stuck in his lungs, Jungkook gulped hard, making his adam’s apple jump up and down.

The girl next to you said something that made you laugh, back invaded by the spasms of your laughter, something he couldn’t hear because of all the talking that was going on in the room. He wished he could. He imagined your voice, soft and sweet, and soon enough is mind was already wondering about your features.

Snorting and getting out of his trance, he remembered himself he had to practice. Ready to take the first step away from the ballroom which he didn’t belong to, he shook his head a second time and turned, ready to leave his thoughts about you in that room and never meet them again.

But a second song started. And this time, he recognized the beat. Holding his breath again, he faced the entrance with a speed that got him shocked by himself.

Your hips were moving again, slowly and sensually, hands drawing abstract shapes in the air, hair attached to your skin. Your sweat shorts were doing nothing to hide your skin from his dark eyes, all he could think about was the way it seemed to shine under the lights of the room and the way your sweat would make it look even more glowing.

He hissed through his teeth, trying to push away the though of his hands against your skin, the way he’d like to trace your thighs with his fingers, leave pecks against your body and mark your hips with his lips. He brought his gaze back on your ass, sinful eyes burning against your skin and jaw clenching, Jungkook licked his lips and watched you arch your back before bringing your left leg to your head, holding it with your hands as you tiptoed your right foot.

«How long have you been here?»

He literally jumped, locking his gaze with whoever gave him a heart attack. Standing beside him, looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes wide were Yoongi.

«I-»

«You know this is the wrong room, right?» he looked at him with a blank expression, trying to understand what Jungkook was actually doing standing at the doorframe of a different studio, without even caring about the fact he should be practicing with him and the others.

«I know, I was just... looking around.» he managed to let out, before taking a deep breath and stepping towards Yoongi.

The moment he realized he was rocking a half-hard just by his previous sight, he clenched his jaw and gulped again. If Yoongi had already noticed his situation then he wouldn’t know cause his face was no longer on him, neck turned to peek into the room that stole the maknae’s attention before. The youngest one used that moment to bring his bag in front of him, and then headed to their dance class trying not to draw too much attention.

That was the first time he saw you.

Jungkook dropped his bag to the ground as soon as he entered his bedroom, removing his sneakers and his socks he headed to his bathroom in a matter of seconds, begging to feel the cold drops of water wash away all the sweat on his skin and the heat of his body, even though the last one wasn’t because of the workout.

His cock was aching, so damn hard and throbbing against his sweat pants.

He wished they finished their practice just a few seconds sooner. Dancing was a pain in the ass today, all he wanted to do was head back to your doorframe and peek at you, loose his gaze on your body, trying to steal a glance of your face.

But still, it didn’t happen. He couldn’t help but think about how’d you look during the three hours of rehearsals, he thought about it so much that now he had a clear image of you in his mind. And it was pretty platonic, almost inaccessible.

He removed his shirt and his pants, letting them fall on the ground, and then turned on the water, already hooking his fingers under the elastic band of his boxers. He was so hard that it ached.

Jungkook took a deep breath and palmed himself through the material, immediately hissing at the touch. Deciding it was not enough he let the cloth slowly fall to the ground, creating a wall around his ankles that he surpassed in a second getting in the shower.

He didn’t waste time on lathering, he just shut the glass door and closed his eyes while bringing his hand to his shaft. The fingertip of his thumb collected the precum leaking out of his slit, moving over his head and making him clench his jaw shut, breath already uneven.

He though about the way you moved your hips, he’d like to hold them tight and down on the bed while fucking into you. He’d take such a good care of you. He’d fuck you so good, making you whimper and moan every time he’d hit your g-spot, he’d squeeze your ass in his big hands, leaving marks as a reminder of his touch. He’d kiss your skin, he’d kiss your neck and he wouldn’t even mind tasting the sweat caused by your rehearsals today, but in his mind, that’d be caused by what you two are doing.

Jungkook groaned and stroked himself, bringing his hand now to his base and tightening his grip around his girth. Throbbing, pulsating cock begging to release all his seed.

His movements were firm and clear, his fist moving so fast that his wrist was hurting, head falling back, mouth agape and eyebrows knitted together. The sound of his movements blended with the clatter of the water, his shoulders raising from time to time because of the heavy breathing, hips bucking against his hand. He wished it was you, the only part he’d seen of you, he desperately wished he was fucking your ass, so, so hard he’d make you whine and cry in pleasure. He imagined the sounds you’d made, and even though he didn’t even know how your voice sounded or how you looked, he already knew that it’d be his new favorite sound.

«Fuck» he groaned, fucking his cock in his hand even harder, moving his hips and meeting his hand halfway. He bit his lower lip, flesh aching and almost bleeding under his teeth, bringing his free hand to his heavy balls and massaging them. His pace fastened even more if it’s possible, his hips were snapping so hard into his hand picturing your ass in its place, he was so close he could taste it. He pictured your body bent over his bed, taking him so nicely, moaning out loud and clenching around his greedy cock, so needy and so damn wet for him.

«God, fuck» he growled, shoving fast into his hand. He wished he knew your face, he’d like to picture you taking his big cock in your lips. He already know they’d look so damn beautiful around his girth, gagging and drooling for him, he’d hold your head still and fuck himself into your pretty lips so good, letting you eat all of his seed.

That, that was what brung him to his apex. Abs contracting and rough breath, muscles tightening and eyes squinting, lips open letting out low groans.

«Fucking hell»

Hot white spatters stained his hand and chest as he rode his orgasm, keep shoving himself into his hand. The water washed away his seed, it disappeared so fast he didn’t even see it, and when he opened his eyes he took some time to catch his breath leaning against the wall behind him.

His mind went blank, for just a little. He couldn’t think of anything else than the idyllic orgasm he just had, just the thought of it made his cheeks flash red.

Then, the thoughts hit him. He didn’t even know your name, and here he was, masturbating over you. He was going to change that.

The second time Jungkook saw you he did  not rush out of his house thirty minutes earlier than he was supposed to. He couldn’t help but ask to himself what was going on with him, he certainly knew he never felt the need to see someone he didn’t even know. God, you didn’t even noticed him. Standing at the doorframe of your rehearsals room, looking at you move your body in such a charming way he swore he never see someone dance like that. Why were you in the last row? You deserved to be in the first one, that wasn’t fair. But, in that way he couldn’t see you, so he stored the information at the back of his mind. When you stopped your movements and you suddenly disappeared into the crowd, he again remembered to himself that he didn’t even know what he was doing.

Come on, was he really going to stand there for about other ten minutes and watch  you dance without doing nothing? He desperately wanted to know how your face looked, by now he could say he had a perfect picture of you in his head. And if he was right, you were probably the best thing he ever seen. 

Just the thought made him lick his lips, taking a deep nervous breath. He needed to talk to you. But what would he say? “Hi, I’ve been watching you dance”? Ew, definitely no. He tried to come up with other possibilities but his mind was totally blank, panic making his way through his thoughts and taking every part of him, leaving him only with sweaty hands and an adam’s apple gulping in his throat.

«Jungkook»

A voice made him turn, his gaze suddenly traveled to his right side.

«Oh, hey» he blurted out, Taehyung was staring at him with an arched eyebrow and inquisitive eyes.

«What were you doing?» the oldest one got closer, his hands in his pockets and a slight smile forming on his lips. Jungkook shook his head.

«Mh- I- waiting» he stuttered. His friend knitted his eyebrows looking at him for just a few seconds, then his gaze met the ballroom in front of them, where Jungkook’s was again scanning bodies, trying to find yours.

«Are you looking for someone?» Teahyung asked, receiving just a shake with his head from the youngest. But he knew better than that, he knew Jungkook well, maybe too much, he couldn’t even try to hide something from him.

When his eyes finally found you again, Teahyung knew it was you, he could just tell by the way he opened his lips, forming a little “oh”, his eyes never leaving your body.

«So you were waiting, uh?» he scoffed.

«Yes?» the maknae wanted to punch himself in the face, that was not supposed to come out as a question.

«Do you know her name?» Taehyung asked. He turned away in the blink of an eye, staring at him with wide eyes. It took him a few seconds to understand he’s been caught, but eventually he decided to just sigh and shake his head again. «Well, I know it» he shrugged like he had just said nothing. Jungkook looked at him with an unreadable expression, trying to understand if what he just heard was real or if he just imagined it. He studied Taehyung’s face like he was some kind of poem, carefully and thoughtfully, wisely looking for a hint to tell him he was just playing with him, but he really seemed serious.

«I can introduce her to you?» he turned to look at him, the youngest was playing with his fingers, eyes staring at the floor, all of his confidence seemed to fade away.

«Why?» he asked.

«What do you mean why?» Taehyung almost laughed at the maknae’s words, and he almost felt guilty. Almost.

«I- I don’t know...» he sighed. Why was he even acting like this? He wanted to talk to you, desperately wanted to know how your face looked like, his imagination was sending him crazy. How did he even ended up like this? He just saw you dance and his mind wasn’t his anymore, constantly wondering about your face. There was just something about you that was making him insanely curious.

«Oh, come on!» unexpectedly, the hyung grabbed him by his arm, making him almost loose his balance while dragging him into the room, taking big steps towards you. No one seemed to notice what was happening externally or inside of Jungkook, heart beating a mad pace, slippy hands like he just dipped them in the water, mind shocked and freaking out attempting to find anything, literally anything that could’ve helped him. Anything would’ve been good, anything for saving him from who knows what his mind was thinking, neither he could understand himself. He never felt more afraid to speak to someone in his life, he swore. Why was he even freaking out? He couldn’t find an answer in those few seconds that divided you from him, and he ended up behind you sooner than he realized. His body instantly tensed.

Teahyung, like the amazing friend he was, tapped your right shoulder, making sure to keep his grip tight on Jungkook’s arm, afraid he would’ve run away at the first opportunity. And he would’ve.

«Yes?» turning, you met the hyung gaze, two deep dark eyes staring at you, breath held in his throat. Damn, you were beautiful.

Oh, God.

That was the first thought that passed Jungkook’s mind when he finally saw your face, all of his fantasies immediately falling to the ground, breaking into a million pieces. He didn’t even know someone that beautiful could exist. His eyes staring at your face like some kind of piece of art. He definitely did not expect you to look like this, he did not see it coming. He thought you were beautiful, but God, not like this.

«Bye» that was the first and last word Taehyung blurted out, finally releasing Jungkook’s arm. Then, he simply walked away, like he did not just leave you two alone, like nothing. You raised your eyebrows, stunned by what just happened looking at the man head to the door and then simply disappear in the hallway. When you realized you were left with someone you couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable, shifting your gaze from the corridor to the man in front of you.

In that moment, Jungkook’s heart started beating even faster, if that was possible. His dark doe-eyes stared into yours for a few moments, not even blinking, mouth agape and breath caught in his throat. He looked like he just saw something... something really-

«Am I that ugly?» you blurted out.

When he realized you were actually talking to him, he felt the need to hide, run away, he wanted the earth to open under his feet and engulf him in. His cheeks flashed red, eyes finally starting to blink.

«No I-» his throat was dry, so he swallowed hard and tried to get a little bit of his nerve back.

«I-I just didn’t expect you to be like t-this»

What? Now he really wanted to hide, what the hell was he thinking? Nothing, his mind was totally blank. He didn’t even remember how to create an actually real sentence.

«Sorry?» you asked. Only then, he realized how your voice sounded, definitely lower than he thought. And he loved it.

«Uh- Oh God. I’m sorry»

And that was it, the end of your first conversation. Jungkook looked at your face for just a second more, than his legs did the job for him, he wasn’t even thinking straight, mind totally blown away and panic invading every rational part of him. He simply turned and started running away, disappearing in the hallway just like his friend did a matter of seconds before.

You grimaced, left standing in the rehearsals room, eyes following his tall and muscled figure until you were left with nothing but confusion.

What had just happened?

That was the second time Jungkook saw you.

He was drawing again, eyes fixated on the sheet in front of him, colors over colors over colors, sketches and shapes that apparently didn’t have any meaning. It was just a mess, overlapped lines with circles and circles with blurred shapes that he didn’t even know could exist.

He was desperately trying to take his mind off of what he had done, but it didn’t seem to work.

Probably, he was just taking everything too much to heart, and he knew that. He knew he was making a big deal of something stupid but he couldn’t help the way he was feeling.

Why did he have to act like that? Why did he walk away in that way? You possibly thought he was just some jerk playing around, and only that thought made him clench his jaw. But that was his last problem. Not only he did made you think he was an idiot, but he made you feel uncomfortable without even trying. The words you said and the sound of your voice kept on echoing in his mind like one of those stupid songs you can’t seem to send away.

Were you joking? Probably? Did he really made you think he was looking at you in that way cause you were ugly? God, you were way too far from that for him.

And above all of that, why did he even say something like that?

“I didn’t expect you to be like this”, God, what was he thinking about? And what did you think of that stupid sentence? Jungkook let out a low groan, the thoughts invading his head were making it impossible to focus on the drawing.

What the hell did Taehyung do? He said he was going introduce you to him, why did he left like that?

When Jungkook entered their rehearsal room the hyung simply smiled at him and winked in his way, like he had just made some kind of magic happen between you too. Well, it didn’t happen. Everything was just a fucking mess, and the biggest thing heaving on Jungkook’s shoulders was that that was the first time you ever saw him, the first impression you had about him. Now it was gonna be three times harder for him to even talk to you, let alone make a move on you. Jungkook didn’t even answer Tae’s wink, only wanting to end the rehearsals already and go straight home to drown into sleep. But it was late, and he certainly wasn’t sleeping.

Jungkook huffed letting his pencil hit the wooden table.

Was he going to try to change what happened or was he going to leave everything like that? Sure as hell, he wanted to know you. But he just couldn’t help himself, he never felt more frightened in his life to talk to a girl as now, and that feeling made him feel helplessly under pressure. What was he even going to say if every time he opened his mouth, all that was coming out were awkward words? Your face added to the sound of your voice made him look like a poor moron, and he knew deep inside of him that that was your effect on him. It was going to happen again, he knew it. He needed to find a way to not ridicule himself and not make you uncomfortable every time he opened his mouth.

«What?» Yoongi’s eyes have never been wider than now looking at Jungkook. Now, the maknae was desperately looking for advices, and he knew that Jimin and Yoongi were the right persons for this kind of situation.

«You really did that?» Jimin let his mouth hang open, eyebrows raised.

«Yes» Jungkook sighed «I don’t know what’s wrong with me, God.» Yoongi and Jimin looked at each other, both of their expressions stuttered by what the youngest had just told them. «How can I fix this? I mean I-»

«First, stop dwelling.» Yoongi interrupted his endless rambling, firm tone and eyes pointing directly in his. Jimin nodded. «You’re thinking too much. I mean, do you even think she noticed all of this? Are there any chances she probably already forgot your face?» his words made the maknae feel better for just a bunch of seconds. Maybe you already forgot him. It was a good thing, right?

«You think so?» why did he sound disappointed? Yoongi raised his eyebrows and nodded.

«And if she remembers you, all you need to do is go and talk to her, you can fix this Kookie» Jimin smiled at his friend.

«And say what?» his voice came out louder than he thought, almost breaking in the middle. He was just not that positive. He messed up, and there was something inside him telling him that that was not goin to be the last time.

«Anything?» Jimin made it seem so simple «I mean, anything is better than what you said» he added. Jungkook shook his head. «Sitting here is not gonna fix this» he said again, then taking a sip from his hot coffee.

«I can’t-» his voice suddenly stopped working, his throat holding the words in. His eyes shifted from the wall he was staring to to you, walking into the cafe on your high heels, jeans sticking to your legs like they were handmade just for you, a little bit of messy hair because of the wind running through the streets of the city, hanging from your shoulders. Eyes moving into the cafe like you were desperately looking for something, maybe someone.

«What? It’s her?» Jimin whispered, slightly stretching on the table to get the maknae’s attention. Yoongi simply avoided asking, he knew he wasn’t going to get any answer. So he just turned around looking for your figure in the crowded little shop. When he finally found you, he knew it was you. He had already saw you the other day, and he saw Jungkook’s pants too, but he kept it to himself.

Smirking, he stood up, eventually bringing back Jungkook from his own world. He watched his friend take long steps and cross the room, and his hands started to sweat again, even more than the day before. Yoongi surpassed you just a step before you were in line for the bar, almost making you step on him.

Rude.

Jungkook could already feel himself going crazy, him and Jimin staring at the scene in silence dying to know what Yoongi had in mind. He saw you stretch over his shoulder trying to take a look at the pastry, in the meantime Yoongi stepped towards when another client left the line. Time seemed to slow down for how much it was taking for every single client to order, Jungkook’s agitation growing bigger every second.

When Yoongi’s turn arrived he still couldn’t understand what was going to happen, watching him through the crowd and shifting his gaze from him to you from time to time was definitely not working. He caught Yoongi talking to the employee and a second later he was paying and turning around with who the hell knows what in his big paper cup. Keeping his eyes on the floor and faking distraction, he stepped on your foot and when he raised his head all he did was giving you a shocked look.

Then he did it, making the maknae line wide their eyes like they were four lighthouses, Jungkook literally hold his breath for what it seemed to be like years. His drink was on your clothes, soaking you, your drenched black shirt dripping on the floor. Your face shattered when you realized you were actually soggy, Yoongi gave you an apologetic smile and then he walked out of the cafe as if nothing had just happened. He really hoped Jungkook would understand it was his turn. Well, again, he didn’t. He just stared at you, your face still in shock and your moth forming the shape of an “o”, people surpassing you on the line without even glancing at you. Jimin shook him awake from his trance making him grimace and pushing him from his chair.

«Go, go, go!» he silently screamed moving his hands in the air. “Oh, lord” was all he could think while looking at you standing still and a scared Jungkook walking uncertain.

You stepped to the side when you noticed people kept on surpassing you giving you upset looks since you wouldn’t move from the line, it only took you a few steps to the side to rush into someone. Your shoulder hit his chest and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. It was just not your day.

«I- I’m sorry?» the voice came from beside you, the man standing still against your right shoulder without even moving. What was supposed to be a statement came out as a question and Jungkook wanted to punch himself again. You had to back away to create a little bit of distance before lifting your gaze to him.

When you saw him, it took you nothing to remember him.

«You? Again?» you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You were not this rude usually, you just weren’t that type. But today definitely wasn’t your day. First, someone surpassed you, you just said nothing because you weren’t the type to argue for something so stupid, you even justified him thinking maybe he didn’t notice you. Then he spilled his tea on you, and without even helping you he just ran off as if nothing had happened. Now, him. Was this some kind of joke?

Jungkook couldn’t help but frown at your words, silently and slowly making their way through his body until they reached his intestine and tangled every part of his guts together.

«I- I’m sorry?» he said again. What? You locked eyes with him, cocking a brow at him.

«What are you even sorry for?» you sighed, bending over the table in front of you and grabbing a tissue from the plastic container. He brought his gaze to his friend, eyes still wide and throat completely dried. Jimin showed him a thumb up and suddenly shifted his gaze, in a second he turned around with his cheeks now red. When Jungkook turned again he hissed through his teeth, you did not just caught them and you weren’t staring at him with an even more confused look.

«I- I can buy you some coffee?» he blurted out, his voice cracking in the middle of the question making it almost seem like a prayer. Your lips formed an “o” again, suddenly looking down at your clothes and rushing to clean them with that little tissue. You were just thankful it wasn’t hot, whatever thing it was. Jungkook stood there still like a rock, scared of moving and making everything even worse.

«No, but thank you.» you sighed at the sight of your drenched black shirt, drops on your jeans. What were you going to do now? You had to go to work in thirty minutes, you didn’t have time to go back home and change into something else, your boss was already going crazy with all the work he had to, his reaction at your delay wasn’t something you wanted to experience.

«Please?» Jungkook’s voice seemed to light something in you, lifting your eyes and locking them again with his. That was the moment you really noticed his beauty. And he was just that beautiful. In the meantime, he was really trying not to break out and scream, his tongue was just moving by itself. His mind was totally blank and his hands were so sweaty that they would probably as wet as the shirt you were wearing.

«I don’t have time for coffee now, but thank you.» you declined again, trying to bring a smile on your lips but failing. You sighed and turned, making your way out of the cafe in a matter of seconds. Jungkook stood there with his eyes still wide, watching you walk away and trying to catch just that little bit of air enough to make him survive. It was only when Jimin’s face appeared in front of him that he seemed to realize you weren’t there anymore, and in a second his legs made the work for him again, running out of the cafe like a mad man. What was he even doing? What the hell?

Jimin followed him rolling his eyes, all his hopes that his friend had made it hitting the ground. He had never seen Jungkook like that, not even when he dated that girl he had a crush on for a year. Jungkook had always been charming, he never had that much problems with a girl, there had been times he was more shy, but he had always found a way of breaking his barriers.

This time there was just something different.

When he saw you on the sidewalk his legs fastened even more and he only stopped when he was behind you, quickly grabbing at your wrist and turning you around in an abrupt yank that got Jimin to stuck on place and grimace. He even heard you squint from where he was, and he certainly didn’t miss the smack of your hand on his face once you turned and faced him.

Jungkook’s face heated up, suddenly loosening his grip on your skin and blinking a few times, staring into your eyes, his features unreadable. Silence suddenly seemed to fill the crowded street while you two looked at each other, your face looking regretful the second you realized it was him and not someone who was trying to steal your purse or rape you during full day.

Jungkook was at a loss of words, and when he realized now he had to say something, he panicked again.

«I’m sorry?» that was not happening again, he wanted to scream.

«You’re sorry?» you erupted like a volcano, your arm still in the air even thought his grip was no longer on it. Jungkook’s head slowly shook up and down, gulping harshly.

«What are you sorry for?» your question made him knit his eyebrows. Was it really so hard for him to form a real sentence? The answer was yes. His brain just didn’t seem to work.

«About the coffe?» now, he really wanted to scream and tear his hair out.

He had just scared you and hurt you and all he managed to say was “about the coffee”? What was that even supposed to mean?

«The coffee?» you narrowed your eyes at him, he brung his hand to the back of his neck scratching it.

«The drink?» he said again. For god sake.

«Uh?» you just couldn’t understand. What was he even trying to do? He was sorry? Everything was just so confusing, and if last night you thought just a little bit about what happened yesterday with him, you were sure this was going to be in your head for the rest of the day.

«The drink Yoongi spilled on you?» why was every single one of his sentences a question?

«Who is Yoongi?» you whined without even thinking, but then you grasped it. The rude man was someone he knew. Was something wrong with his friends? First that one yesterday, now this Yoongi.

«Yoongi is-» Jungkook seemed to realize what he had just done and he stopped talking, letting out a tremulous breath. He just told you he knew the man who basically ruined your day. Great job.

«So, are your friends all like this?» you didn’t even know what you were doing, but the stress was just too much to handle at that moment. The man stared at you again, eyes shifting to every feature of your face.

«Uh? Wha- what?» he babbled. Jungkook was loosing it. And Jimin could see it from a block away. He wished he could do something to help him, anything to save the situation, but he just couldn’t. What would he even say, anyway? “Sorry, he just likes you so much that he doesn’t even remember how a normal human acts”? That wasn’t going to work.

«Are you friend with this Yoongi?» you asked. Jungkook nodded slowly, almost uncertain of what he was doing.

«And the one from yesterday was also your friend?» you asked again. This time he frowned, making you narrow your eyes.

«Taehyung?» he wondered, confusion blinking in his eyes.

«I don’t know, maybe? Was it his name? The one that poked me and ran away?» you sighed.

«But he- Oh. I can’t-» Reality hit him, and he had to take a deep breath to stop his dwelling.

«What?»

«I’m- I’m sorry?» there he was again. Was he kidding you? Just when he seemed to know other words, they were there again.

«You already said it, even though it doesn’t seem like you are.» you were really going crazy. Late for work, drenched, without your breakfast and with a charming guy talking nonsense in front of you.

«I am» his voice came out louder than expected, making you unconsciously squint and ward off a little bit.

«Well, thank you, I guess?» you glanced at the sidewalk, then again bringing your gaze to his face. The way the light of the sun hit his eyes made yours stare deep into them, the black pupils and irises almost fading with each other, the little sparkles of the light reflecting in them made them seem like one of the darkest nights, but with the brightest stars you’ve ever seen.

Your mouth ran dry when your gaze met his lips, a soft glow making them look even more captivating, you wondered if he was wearing a lip balm, a part of your mind wondering how it’d taste.

«I’m gonna be late for work» you mumbled. Jungkook shook his head.

«Okay» What? Are you serious, Jungkook? Okay? He visually grimaced at his own words, and for god knows why the corners of your lips raised up just the slightest at his awkwardness.

«I should go now» you gave him a little gentle smile and then turned, finally heading to your car. You had just taken a few steps on the sidewalk across the street when you turned away and realized he was standing still, eyes still fixated on you, but he wasn’t alone anymore. Maybe a friend of his? You hoped he wouldn’t hit you in the head, given the others. You crossed the street again, walking back towards the man and glancing at the ground feeling your cheeks reddening under his sight. 

You stopped a few steps away from him, raising your head and finally facing him. «I’m sorry too» you said, slightly smiling. «You know, for the slap» his lips formed an “o” but he quickly managed to smile, for the first time. And lord, what a smile he had. You swore you never saw something that beautiful. Your breath got stuck in your throat, heart madly beating in your chest, threatening to come out. And you didn’t even noticed, but your smile became a real one, wide and shining with its own light and reaching your eyes. Jungkook’s heart skipped a few beats just at the sight, his legs shaking under his body and a sudden feeling of warmth invading his chest, it was like his guts were back in place.

A drop of rain hit your forehead and in that moment you realized you really had to go, rain wasn’t something you could deal with now, not with your already soaked shirt and your delay. So you just turned again and walked away.

That was the first time you and Jungkook actually spoke to each other, kind of, I guess you could say.

«Didn’t you two talk?» Yoongi asked running a hand in his blonde locks. There they were again, but this time, thankfully Jungkook would say, they were in his house. He really didn’t know how to handle another one of his friends’ mishaps in your presence, not that he would’ve met you anyway, but here he felt more comfortable. It was normal for them to meet at someone’s place on a Friday night, it’s something they’ve always been doing for a long time that now it was like a tradition. Every Friday they would met and talk, even though they’ve been seeing each other almost every day. And now, it was no difference. Or maybe just one. You. Jungkook wasn’t talking about how much he was excited to perform or how much he loved the new choreography, he was talking about how embarrassing that moment was. Wait, those moments. Thanks to Taehyung, Yoongi and himself, now he had collected a few moments that really made everything seem awkward.

«We did but...» he groaned «Why did you have to spill your drink on her?»

«For you to go help her?» Yoongi made it seem so simple.

«How could I have helped her with her soaked shirt? She had to go to work and you ruined her morning. And if it wasn’t enough now she knows I know you! And you!» Jungkook’s voice cracked in the middle while pointing his accusing index finger towards Yoongi and Taehyung.

«What? How?» Yoongi couldn’t believe his ears. He gave him a chance and he let it slip through his hands like it was a cool chunk of ice.

«He told her» Jimin got in the conversation briefly glancing at his youngest friend. Jungkook was really going crazy.

«And? What’s the end? Tell me you got her number?» Jin rested his forearms on his knees, waiting for an answer that just wasn’t meant to come out.

«You don’t even know her name, do you?» the maknae brung is gaze to Taehyung, his dark eyes almost seemed to surrender in front of all the mess of the situation. The friend sighed, guilt already invading his throat. When he pushed Jungkook in that situation, he thought he was gonna handle it, to him he just needed a little bit of motivation. He didn’t think it would’ve ended like this. He shook his head.

«Great.» Jungkook stood up, unreadable features and body tense.

«But at the end it was good, she smiled at you» Jimin helplessly tried to bring back a little bit of positivity.

«Yes, after I made everything uncomfortable and awkward. How am I even supposed to make a move after what happened? First Teahyung, then Yoongi. Then me!» he bursted out. «The first time was already hideous, but this? I hurt her, let her know that basically all my friends are weird and when she said “I’m gonna be late for work” my answer was “okay”. Who am I even kidding? I-»

«Oh, come on!» Joonie decided to open his mouth, his loud tone made Jungkook shut up, everyone now looking at him. «This is all in your head, Kookie. Stop it. You need to take a deep breath and face this in a different way. Clearly, shutting your mind off and letting your body do the work it’s not what you need.» he raised his eyebrows at him. Jungkook had started pacing, he really wanted to fix things, but every time it seemed to get worse and worse and worse and... worse.

«It’s so frustrating, I swear! It never happened to me, never. I can’t control it, my brain just doesn’t work when I’m with her» he groaned locking his dark locks in his fist and pulling a little.

«Oh, cheesy» Hobi wrinkled his nose receiving in exchange a death stare from Jungkook.

«So you don’t even know her name?» Jin seemed to realize his words only now, eyes wide and moth hanging open. Jungkook clenched his jaw before letting his body falling to the couch. Not even the soft material of the cushions seemed to make him feel better, not even the slightest.

«I don’t know her name» he answered, saying those words more to himself than to his hyung. All of this seemed so stupid.

«Then start from it. Give to this beautiful woman a beautiful name, you can’t keep rambling about someone for about an hour without even knowing their name.» Namjoon’s tone was firm, making its way through the maknae’s ears, his words seemed like playing with him. He was right, he didn’t even knew your name, how the hell was that possible? He had the biggest crush and didn’t know the basics.

What Jungkook didn’t know and never could imagine was that you were thinking about him in the same moment as he was talking about you to his friends. What happened that morning was still replaying in your mind like a short film, from the moment that Yoongi spilled what you figured out was tea on your clothes to the moment you headed to your car. There was something about that awkward meeting that you just couldn’t seem to shake off. That man was so awkward and charming at the same time that the match sounded both weird and interesting.

Still, you couldn’t hide your annoyance towards him that morning. You couldn’t quite discern if he was just playing with you or if there was a meaning behind his actions and words, I mean, he apologized for his friend so much but he didn’t really act different than him, he yanked you. And apparently without any meaning. He already apologized for Yoongi before, so why follow someone you don’t even know to do it again?

Remembering your slap against his cheek you unconsciously squint your eyes, drowning in the dark. You really wouldn’t have punched him if you knew it was him, but the moment you felt someone’s touch against your skin you panicked. Not that he didn’t deserve it, well, actually he didn’t, but you don’t usually punch people like that, you really thought someone wanted to steal your purse or rape you, You puffed.

You just wished to not bump into him or his friends again, or at least to not be the main character of their misfortunes again.

Summer was finally coming to an end, and with the end of a season comes the beginning of a new wardrobe, at least for you. You already had clothes for the imminent autumn but with all the money you had saved you could squander a little bit and reward yourself, you worked hard and didn’t even leave for the holidays this year, sad but true. So now you were lowly humming in the street without even realizing it, the music invading all of your senses, the melody taking control of your body like it was made of a thin sheet of glass that could be broken anytime with the slightest pressure.

You entered the shop and removed an earphone, slowly making your way through the crowd and getting ready to buy something as a reward for all of your sacrifices. The sight of the soft fabric of a white dress made your eyes sparkle and your feet started moving towards the mannequin like they were apart from your body, bringing your hand to the cloth you touched the smooth material.

There was no way you were not buying it.

The shape seemed perfect for your body, you could already see yourself wearing it so you were quick to cross the room, ready to grab your hanger. Apparently, not quick enough, but you didn’t notice right away.

Looking through the dresses for your size made you frown, everyone of them either too big or too small. You were almost giving up when your gaze met the tag you were looking for, eyes widening and happiness already creeping up in your body.

Then, a hand came in the way. You watched it grab the crutch, dark ink marking the light golden skin, long fingers closing around the hook. Your breath got stuck in your throat and you really felt all your hopes falling to the ground now. Sure you were not gonna argue with whoever just took away your dream dress, you didn’t even have the right to do it, you should have been quicker before rather than staring at it with dreamy eyes. You were already starting to turn and look for something else with a knot in your throat but you couldn’t help your eyes and followed the arm of the stranger, the skin almost glowing under the light of the shop. You met two broad shoulders, the cleavage of the light shirt he was wearing showing his collar bones and making your fingers tingle at the sight, but if you knew who was waiting for you at the end of that neck you would have already ran away.

The previous night after his friends left Jungkook had spent at least three hours trying to find a way to make a third impression on you, if that was possible, this time preferably good, and he figured out nothing. Eventually he felt asleep all tensed and annoyed, remembering the next morning he had to buy something for Namjoon’s birthday coming in exactly two weeks.

When he woke up today and headed to the shop three blocks away from his house he did not expect to find you there. From the moment he saw you at least a hundred of different emotions had run through his body, starting from worship and ending up with panic, but this time his mind didn’t switch off, or maybe not at all. Listlessly choosing something for Namjoon, Jungkook came up with a plan, and it was apparently clear: buy you a dress and give it to you as both a present and an apology for everything that happened the day before, from Yoongi’s drink on you to the way he kept on making things awkward, and maybe finally ask you out.

So when he saw you staring at that dress with dreamy eyes he instantly walked towards its reproductions, sure as hell that now he had something to work with in his hands. But it was only when you approached the same counter as him that he realized he didn’t have any clue about your clothing size. I mean, he could have guessed it, but it wouldn’t have been the same. He was supposed to ask you and tell you something like “let me offer this to you for making up for yesterday’s mess” and “would you like to hang out sometimes?” but when he tried to speak his voice got stuck in his throat, his hands badly sweating. So he tried to understand what you were looking for, careful not to get caught, and possibly keeping it in mind for buying you something else, and it all worked until he saw your eyes full of that joyful light again. In that moment, his heart skipped a beat as he understood you had found what you wanted.

As I said, this time his brain didn’t stop working, he knew he couldn’t grab the dress practically from your hands, that would’ve been the worst third impression of all times. He just needed to remember the measures printed on that little tag and look for something else. He knew but his hands moved by themselves and Jungkook felt himself stiffening again.

When you locked eyes with him you couldn’t help but snort. What was going on with the universe? You were sure you didn’t do anything that bad to deserve this. And why was he involved in all of your misadventures? Him, him, him, him and him again, couldn’t at least the gods send someone else once in a while to punish you? The fact that it was him made the knot in your throat grow even bigger and you instantly felt a flame of anger burning in your chest. If he was someone else you would’ve probably let go, but not with him and not when he was holding the dress you wanted to buy after long days and late nights of work, stress and a little bit of panic too.

So you did the first thing that came to your mind, you grabbed at the hanger he was holding in his other hand and immediately walked away leaving him with his mouth agape and his gaze digging holes in your body.

You turned the corner and went straight to the changing room, desperately trying to keep yourself from bursting out in the middle of the shop. You closed the curtain behind you and finally took a look at what you were holding. A men’s hoodie. You were going to buy it, wether you liked it or not. Not a big deal, you already had men’s clothes in your wardrobe, right?

Taking a deep breath you sat on the little couch in the fitting room, you were really starting to think he was playing with you. That had to be it. He was just enjoying himself, having fun with making you feel like an idiot. Unintentionally, some tears streamed down you cheeks, all the accumulated stress from work and from the rehearsals you were having almost every day, all the sleepless nights you had in the last three months trying to save money, some days even working your ass off until the first lights of the morning would appear, all the times you felt like you didn’t belong; everything was coming out in the shape of little drops. You hadn’t been crying for a long time and stopping now seemed like light years away, so you got up and went out of the dressing room heading to the checkout without even glancing around.

Jungkook was still in the same place you had left him, and when he saw your cheeks sparkling just in time before you could wipe the tears away he knew it wasn’t because of the sweat this time. His heart broke, features screaming nothing but regret. If only you had turned around you would have seen it even from there.

But instead, you paid your new hoodie and went out, ready to burst out once again you’d be surrounded by the safe walls of your apartment.

«God, I can’t believe it» Jungkook groaned again for about the tenth time since the beginning of the phone call.

Jimin and Namjoon had been meticulously chosen for today’s vent, and this time he was sure he had something real to ramble on about, it wasn’t all in his head anymore. He had made you cry.

«It was the worst third impression of all times! My plan was good, damn, why do I have to be like this around her? Every single time, it happens every damn time» he hissed through his teeth. On the other line, Jimin was staring at his white ceiling with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed, trying to help his friend as best as he could, but he knew there was nothing he could do. Jungkook had to fix this, again. And Namjoon felt the same way as he took a sip of his coffee, his hair still messy from the long sleep he had just awakened from.

«I know you don’t need to hear it, but you’re the worst suitor on earth» he blurted out rubbing his face with his hands. «How can you expect to be more to her than an awkward weirdo if you can’t even talk or act normally in her presence? At least did you get her name?» Namjoon knew his words were doing nothing but emphasizing the horrible situation but he just couldn’t contain himself anymore. Jungkook didn’t need to be pitied, it would have led him nowhere. The maknae grunted in frustration. That was the only answer Joonie needed.

«Stop everything you’re doing» his words made Jungkook frown.

«What?»

«I said stop everything you’re doing» he repeated again, then taking another sip from his coffee. The youngest stared at the screen in disbelief.

«I am doing nothing!» his high-pitched tone made Jimin squint his eyes.

«Okay, then come to my place for lunch and bring that freaking dress with you» he ordered, now getting up and putting his mug in the sink.

«Can I-»

«Yes, Jimin, no need to ask» the hyung interrupted his friend already expecting his question.

«I’m gonna shower, but please be careful with that dress Kook» Namjoon’s tone softened and his words almost sounded like a prayer, Jungkook couldn’t help but glance at the piece of cloth laying on his couch with a worried face. That was not the right place for it.

«Okay, I got it, I got it» he said more to himself than to his friend.

«See you later» Namjoon got off the phone in a second, already on his way to the bathroom.

«Kookie, I know you can do it, okay? We can’t do more than what we are already doing, we can’t fix this for you, you have to fix it. But we’re here to support you.» Jimin’s words gave birth to a bittersweet smile on Jungkook’s face and he internally thanked God for his friends.

«Thank you Chimin»

They talked for another ten minutes before finally getting off the phone, Kookie’s eyes shifting again to what was supposed to be your dress now and shutting down.

He needed to fix this, again.

«So?» Jimin patted his fingers on the wooden table moving his gaze between his three friends. Unexpectedly Taehyung had knocked on Namjoon’s door just before they were about to sit down and have lunch with an expression that promised nothing but bad news.

«I wanted to buy you something for making up for what happened yesterday and the day before, but apparently I screwed up again. This is for you.» Jungkook repeated for the fourth time, then reached his hand out on the table, his chopsticks holding an amount of chicken noodles not even possible to put in his mouth. Namjoon opened his all of a sudden and gobbled them in just one gulp, making Jungkook frown.

«You just ate her dress!» Jimin bursted out laughing at the scene in front of his eyes, the corners wrinkling, his melodious laugh even took over Taehyng’s brooding face, the hyung smiled like a baby.

«I’m hungry and it was the third time he was doing that! He practically saw it coming!» he claimed, already taking with his chopsticks another amount of inhumanly impossible food to eat.

«You have yours!» the maknae tried to sound as serious as he could but his smile fooled him.

«Don’t bother me, I’m feeding you and giving you advices, this is the least you could do in return.» he mocked him with a new beaming smile on his face, Kook shook his head and took a bite of his meal.

«I think it could work?» Jimin brung the conversation back to where it was supposed to be, glancing at Tae and Joonie.

«Just try to stick to that» Taehyung said nodding «and don’t forget to breathe. And please, don’t panic again.» he added. Kookie nodded, this time had to be good. «You think you can do that?»

«I have to» he sighed, already feeling under pressure. Jimin and Namjoon smiled at him, trying to reassure him.

«Alright, now Taehyung could you tell us what’s wrong?» the hyung suddenly shifted his gaze to the other maknae seated next to Kook, who raised his eyebrows and shook his head faking a smile. «Come on, we can see it. Tell your favorite therapists what’s wrong and let us help you.» Jimin nodded at his words.

«Alright, I...» Taehyung took a deep breath, his long slender fingers ran through his hair and fisted a dark strand, slightly tugging it.

«Oh my God, this is so hard to say out loud» he groaned. Now, if there was a tiny possibility that they’re friends weren’t worried about him, his words certainly did their job.

«TaeTae, come on» Jimin widened his eyes.

«Alright. Do you all remember Gillyflower?» his words only brung more confusion to their faces. «The girl with pink hair?» he tried again, and this time a bunch of “ooh” and “yes” made him nod. He took another deep breath. 

«Well, I asked her out and she was about to answer when Tannie suddenly started barking and puling at the leash. I tried to mke him stop but he kept getting worse to the point he yanked me. I- I stumbled and trying to grab onto something I...» he harshly gulped, silence invaded the room.

«What did you do? It can’t be worse than what I did, right?» Jungkook’s doe-eyes were staring at his friend’s face trying to catch a hint of his actions.

«I don’t know, it’s the first time something like this awkward happens between of us, but it’s just...» he puffed letting his shoulders fall and then again shaking his head.

«What?» Namjoon were desperate to know now.

«I groped her breasts. But I was just trying to hold onto something and- Oh my God this is the worst thing I could have ever done» he groaned and hid his face behind his hands trying to cover his cheeks flashing red. Jungkook’s eyes considerably widened, Jimin’s lips formed the perfect shape of an “o” and Joonie shut his eyes , almost forgetting how to swallow. Almost.

«What did you do after that? Tell me you apologized, tell me you did it?» Chimin’s gaze was basically begging him.

«Of course I did, but I was still shocked and... I may have left my hands on her for too much time» his voice was muffled by his hands, still covering his reddish face.

«Oh, God» Jimin let out, tilting his head back. «What the hell is happening to us?» he whined, earning a death stare from Namjoon.

«You mean what the hell is happening to you? This things don’t happen to me, luckily.» he stated.

«Oh, please Joon, your face is dirty for all the eggs you have on it. You know you have your bag stuffed with blunders» Jimin whined again and Namjoon pointed his index towards him.

«That wasn’t supposed to come out!» he argued.

«It didn’t! But I’ll blurt out all of your secrets if you don’t admit you can be a weirdo too!» the hyung puffed.

«Please, everyone knows I’m an oddball, there’s no need to argue on that. But my blunders are far beneath theirs!» he pointed at Jungkook and Teahyung the youngest was now trying not burst out laughing for his high-pitched tone. Jimin groaned.

«What was her answer?» Jungkook asked, carefully looking at TaeTae. He gulped.

«She started laughing and I apologized myself again before entering home. I thought she was making fun of me but I realized it was an uncomfortable laugh just after I shut the door. Now every time I see her in the hallway I hide behind the corners and avoid her. She must think I’m an idiot.» Teahyung’s words made Jungkook feel slightly better, maybe it was selfish but he felt less lonely.

«You need to talk to her» Namjoon mumbled with his mouth stuffed of noodles.

«We’ll make up a speech for you too after lunch, alright?» Tae shook his head.

«No need for it, I can handle it. I think» he sighed for the hundredth time.

The Sunday that followed got Jungkook incredibly frustrated. In two days it was gonna be his birthday and he and his friends had all agreed to take a day off from the devastating rehearsals to celebrate it together, so now there he was,  meticulously watching his figure dancing in the mirror. He hadn’t slept well and his eyes were praying for just a bunch of minutes of rest, body already tired only after an hour of movement. When the music stopped he thanked Jin with a grateful smile before approaching the bench on the side of the room to grab his towel and gather his sweat.

«I think this-»

«Kookie!» Jimin shouted with his eyes wide, his voice echoed in every single corner of the room and in a second Jungkook realized why. He didn’t really do it, please.He let his hand fall at his side, and yes, there it was. Your dress in his hand, now moist and clammy.

His voice burst in the loudest tone he’ve ever used: «Who the hell pulled it out of my bag?!»

The group immediately got closer to take a look at what he was talking about, Namjoon and Taehyung held their breath when the maknae opened the folded cloth revealing the white peace of dressing he had carefully putted in his bag just in case he’d met you here, even though it was quite impossible being Sunday.

«Oh my God, I thought it was a towel and-» Jin started explain himself but got interrupted again by Jungkook’s low groan.

«I am screwed, I give up.» his chest swelled like a balloon and his shoulder raised almost to his ears just to heavily fall a second later. «If this isn’t fate then I don’t know what it is» he complained letting his body go limp after he seated on the bench. And as if what had just happened wasn’t enough his eyes caught your figure in the hallway, your body managing to move graciously on your high heels even though at a speed that seemed almost impossible for you not to fall, your hair swinging with every step.

«Bad luck?» Hobi kneeled in front of him and Jungkook scoffed, shifting his gaze on his muscled legs once you disappeared behind the corner, his dark locks creating a curtain to hide him from the rest of the world while he rested his elbows on his knees.

«Bad luck? This is a tragedy. And not just because of the dress. Everything I did until now is a tragedy. This is just the cherry on top of it all. Maybe this is just not meant to happen and that’s why I keep messing things up.» he grumbled with raspy voice. And he really believed that for a moment, maybe he was right. Everything, every single thing he had done so far had just messed things up more, even though he was desperately trying to do the opposite. He still didn’t know your name but had however already managed to made you feel uncomfortable, hurt you and made you cry. What a charming suitor he was. At this point he could’ve-

«If thinking about it like this makes you feel better.» Namjoon spoke with his gaze on the maknae. He licked his lips and waited for Kookie to raise his head, but it didn’t happen. «You don’t have the dress, who cares? It’s a peace of cloth, Kook. Your apologies are more important and you still have your speech. You can do it.» he kneeled in front of him beside Hobi, finally catching his gaze. What he didn’t expect was to actually find his eyes shining because of the stressed tears he was desperate to hold.

«He’s right, Kookie. Come on, you’re the golden maknae. And if it goes wrong we’ll have finally found something you’re not good at» Jin smiled at his youngest friend, his words made him lightly giggle, Yoongi nudged him.

«Just try again, okay?» Hobi smiled at him and Jungkook had to take a few moments for himself to finally answer.

Probably, no, wait, sure as hell the easiest thing was to give up. You already had a clear picture of him by now, there was no way you were changing your mind with just an apology. He had already apologized for at least five times the other day, and he had made you cry the day right after. So the possible answers now were two: yes or no. Such a big difference between them but such a thin line for him, especially now that he had lost the only thing that maybe would’ve helped him. He didn’t want lie to himself, he knew it was easier to give up and go back to being a normal acting human, not embarrassing himself anymore and feeling like an idiot all the time. But it was too easy like that, and just the thought made him frown. He couldn’t explain what it was to himself, but there was something about you that made him fatally, hopelessly curious. Since the very first moment he saw you, something turned on inside him, and I’m not just talking about his cock.

«Okay» he whispered to himself, the air of his breath fanning the golden skin of his hands. He took a deep breath and stood up.

«What?» Yoongi asked looking at him. Jungkook nodded.

«Okay, but you promise me you won’t do anything?» he pointed his finger against Yoongi’s face and then moved it back and forth pointing at everyone of them. When they all nodded Jungkook knew it was the moment to leave the room. 

Jimin pursued his lips when he saw him walking towards the door and quickly sided him. «Wait, you’re doing it now? Is she here? It’s Sunday!» he spoke so fast and his tone changed so many times that Kook turned to face him with an amused smile, almost forgetting about what he was about to do. «Do you remember the speech?» he asked again. When Kookie nodded and finally left the room Chimin stayed still with his gaze on him, acting like a mummy leaving her little child for the first time to the kindergarten.

«He can do it» Yoongi patted his shoulder.

You weren’t supposed to be there, not on a Sunday morning when all you wanted to do was drown in your bed and never let go of your sheets without the clock pointing at least at eleven. But you didn’t have any choice when you realized what day it was. It wasn’t just an usual Sunday, your family was coming at your place for lunch in about two hours from now, and you had promised them to cook something special, or at least to try your best. You were already feeling under pressure and your parents weren’t exactly the definition of easy-going people, always ready to judge everything you would do and every step you’d take. No wonder why you’ve grown to be their total opposite, never daring to judge anyone, and you knew they hated it. But you didn’t care and kept doing your thing, without worrying too much. Luckily, distance had made everything so much easier, until this kind of moments. The stress was running through your blood like it was part of your body, you were practically on the edge. You really didn’t want to hear them complaining about your stupid passion and how you should stop chasing your dreams just to find an even more steady job than the one you already had, so you had quickly decided to bring your gym bag here. You had grabbed everything you could find in your house that could have led their thoughts to your athletic side and just stuffed all in the bag now hanging from your shoulder, from your pointe shoes to your sweat shorts.

The lockers were safe and you knew it because you had already done this at least five or six times, so you simply opened the steel door and placed your bag in it with loose motions before shutting it and locking it with you keys. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. The stress of your job, the rehearsals, all the money you wanted to save to buy your house and what happened in the last days were hovering on your mind so much that you knew you would have bursted out if you had to worry about your parents too. So this was the easiest way.

Heading to the door you fastened you pace until you got out, the sun made your skin burn and you harshly puffed, already wishing the winter to come.

At the same time, Jungkook was looking for you in the whole building, he even took the stairs and went to second floor once he figured out you weren’t in your usual rehearsal room. He thought you’d be in the changing rooms but he couldn’t afford himself to the risk of finding you half naked, even though the picture of you he had in mind was making his mouth drier every second more while taking the stairs again. It was when he distractedly looked out of the window that he saw you crossing the street. His feet never ran faster than that moment, praying for you to stay on the main street so that he’d found you more easily. He crossed the hallway and made his friend’s heads turn when he rushed in front of their door, that stupid speech replaying in his head over and over again like a prayer.

«Oh man» Namjoon covered his eyes with his right hand at the sight.

Once the maknae was out of the building he welcomed the light of the sun by squinting his eyes, his already sweating body heated up even more while desperately trying to get to you. The street was not that crowded at this time of the morning with the sun almost at his highest spot and the hot breeze threatening whoever was out, so he thought he could make it. Then, he saw you stopping on the sidewalk. Maybe you noticed him? Impossible.

A second later you were opening the door of a taxi and he didn’t know if rather laugh about his bad luck or cry. He could’ve just let go and talk to you the next day, you were definitely going to rehearsal on Monday, or maybe even on Tuesday. But it’s Jungkook we’re talking about, and by now we all know a part of his brain seemed to switch off when it comes to you. Or maybe this time, it turned on. The stress he felt those days had built up so much that he just wanted to burst out once and for all. He was tired of dwelling about his clumsiness and weirdness when he was beside you and didn’t want to feel guilty for making you feel uncomfortable anymore. So he sped up, his legs almost gave in for the big gap he wanted to close in a matter of seconds. 

But he made it. He knocked at your window with his fist, hands sweating and chest raising desperately gasping for air. When you turned and squinted your eyes because of the light of the sun he again swore he had never seen something, someone that beautiful in his life, the rays of sunshine painting little sparkling stars in your pupils and your skin gleaming.

You knitted your eyebrows at the sight, the charming but odd man staring at you as if he had just seen who knows what. What did he want now? You didn’t have time for his teasing, not with all of the things you had to do before the hurricane that your parents were would show up and take over you for the next hours.

«Please» he managed to say, or at least he mouthed it, and a part of him thanked your shut window for not giving him away, but just a little part. If hearing the lack of his voice would’ve made you listen then he would’ve talked with his hands.

With everything he did he was not really expecting you to listen to him, not when he was making things awkward once again, not in this situation. He was hoping it with all of his heart, but he knew it was not going to happen. Indeed, it didn’t happen.

The taxi started and you fixated your gaze on the street without a second thought, already brushing away the weird feeling that his gaze made you feel. You checked your phone screen: 11.34. Great. You were praying every god in heaven to save you from your parents’ likely early arrive when a thump made you both frown and hit the backrest with your head harshly enough to wince. You realized your taxi just hit the one in front of him in a second. Someone was definitely mad at you.

That was Jungkook’s moment. He widened his eyes at the sight and rushed on the sidewalk before he quickly approached your cab. His heart was beating so fast that for a moment he feared for his life. He opened your door without a second thought, you were hissing through your breath, eyes shut and pursued lips. While he took in the sight you felt a gentle hot breeze on your skin. Opening your eyes you gasped when you saw him standing there. Definitely really, really mad.

«I can’t do this» you bursted out loud, more to yourself than to the men that now were both staring at you.

«It’ll only take ten minutes» the cab driver gently smiled at you. The poor man then brung his gaze to the other standing at your door, holding it so tight with his hand that his knuckles were white. You tried to fake a smile as best as you could.

«I’m sorry but I’m running out of time, I’m gonna make it on foot.» you claimed. Before waiting for any answer you shifted your gaze back to the man who was blocking you into the car, his body stiff and not giving you hits of movement. You waited for something, anything, but he just kept staring at you making you feel like a fish out of water and you didn’t have time to deal with his awkward behavior now, you were really late. So you stood up anyway, almost stepping on his toes, and you held your breath while making your way through his body and the car. The way he kept his dark doe-eyes into yours without any sign of backing off made you shiver.

Jungkook harshly gulped when your body slightly touched his, his skin tickled at the feeling, the lightest of touches creating the strongest of the addictions. «I- I can give you a- a ride?» he stuttered, finally removing his hands from the door of the car. You started walking without even turning at his words, too much overwhelmed by the awful morning you were having. Kook was staring at you still in the same place as before, mouth agape and eyes sparkling at the way you were moving your hips, but when he realized you were already on the sidewalk he forced himself to follow you.

«I’ll give you a ride?» why did he keep doing that? That was supposed to sound more sure, more like a statement maybe? You snorted.

«Please, stop it» his presence beside made you even more nervous, what did he want? Why was he doing that again?

«I- I can drive, I can ride you-» what the hell was that? God, he kept making things worse without even trying. Your face immediately shot up, eyebrows knitted together and blood boiling in your veins.

«What I meant is-» he stopped talking again, his feet did the same and for a moment he considered letting you walk away and just give up. With how fast you were walking you were already disappearing into the crowd. But he sided you again.

«Look, I don’t have time for your teasing now, you can do it tomorrow.» you didn’t need to shift your gaze from the sidewalk to know that he was again there.

«What? I- No, I want to do it now!»

Did he really said that? Turn on your damn brain, Jungkook.

You rolled your eyes. «I can’t belie-»

«Can I just give you a ride?» he suddenly blocked your way with his body, arms outstretched and dark eyes praying yours. «Not in that way» he added, desperately trying to fix his stupid mistakes.

You couldn’t understand what the hell he was doing, standing there in front of you, in the middle of the crowd, praying to give you a ride after everything that he had done in just... three times you met? 

«No.» you shook your head and quickly got over him. «In both ways» you added, slightly smirking at yourself for your words. Jungkook sneered too, following you again like a puppy.

«You’d get there faster, please. Just- just a ride?» his continue pleads made you whine and stopping your steps you turned to face him, realizing just now how much he was taller than you.

«I don’t even know your name» you stated, ready to claim your victory. Jungkook let his mouth fall agape while looking at you standing so close to him, not that it was that close, but the rays of the sun were making everything too much to handle for him.

«Jeon Jun- Jungkook?» he managed to say, to ask, voice cracking in the middle.

«You don’t sound so sure of that» strangely, you smirked. Jungkook’s heart almost stopped right there and then.

«I’m Jungkook» he repeated trying as best as he could to smile without showing his nerves on the edge. You took in the sight squinting your eyes at him.

«Okay, Jungkook. I still don’t know you, so the answer is still no» you smiled at him and were about to start walking again but he got in the way a second time. His brain panicked again when he realized he had to say something now, eyes widened and throat dry. Mind blank, totally blank.

«I wanted to buy you something for making up for what happened yesterday and the day before- oh, shit not yesterday. I mean, yesterday and the day before but the day before that too.» he lowly groaned and shut his eyes, already feeling his face heating up. He watched your features change from annoyance to curiosity and then slightly smirking, but he couldn’t quite define if you were just having fun seeing him struggle or if you were actually smiling for his words.

You can do this, Jungkook. You can do this. Just go on.

«Apparently I screwed up again. This is for you.» the only sentence he wasn’t supposed to say came out like it had its own life and the maknae’s eyes widened even more while staring at your unreadable expression.

«So?» you asked folding your arms.

«I- i can’t- oh God» Jungkook wanted the earth to swallow him in. The embarrassment was eating him alive. «I can’t give it to you» he blurted out without even trying anymore to contain his voice.

«Jungkook, I really, really, don’t have the time to deal with this now. My parents are coming over for lunch and I still have to cook, they’re gonna start a-» you started blabbering but stopped when you figured out you were saying too much. «I don’t have time.»

«I can cook.» he claimed «I can cook, I’m- I’m good at it and I’m fast» His face has never been more red than in that moment, not even when he asked her first crush ever out. Never than when he was with you.

«What are you trying to say?» you sighed, again checking your phone, the bold characters of the time made you whine.

«I can- help you with the lunch?» he tried again.«You can trust me. I swear- my friend is a chef. He-»

«Are you serious?» you interrupted his endless speech with a hint in your voice that neither the both of you quite get. Your question didn’t sound like an annoyed one, it sounded more like... Surprised? Kinda. Desperate? Oh, hell yes.

Jungkook nodded, and in a second your wheels brain worked like crazy. It was almost 12.00 and you knew that your parents wouldn’t arrive at the established time, they were probably already in the car looking forward to the moment you were going to open the door and ready to start complaining about how late you were for everything, how your life wasn’t good for you, how you should’ve been more like them. No, you weren’t playing they’re game, not today.

Going to your apartment now would’ve meant arrive in twenty minutes, then you had to make sure everything was in place and absolutely remember to lock your bedroom, your mother had this weird habit to always pry and snoop in your drawers as if you were still a teenager, you hated it. You had to cook and set the table too.

Oh, lord. You couldn’t believe you were really thinking about this.

«I’m Y/N» you sighed, locking eyes with Jungkook. The information you had just given him seemed to make his features even more shocked. 

Y/N, he repeated to himself, finally having a name for your breathtaking face. You had really told him? After all he had done so far?

«Are you really serious? Cause please, I don’t really have time for your teasing.» now it was you the one almost begging.

Jungkook’s eyes widened so much that they almost fell out as he forced himself to nod. «Yes, I- I’m serious. I can help you?» his voice was shaking.

«If you promise your friend won’t set fire to my kitchen?»

Jungkook’s features lost all their hope in a blink hearing your words. He really thought you were letting him in your place to help you considering all the awkwardness between you two? Well, he hoped it. It would’ve been a good way to prove you he wasn’t a jerk and maybe get to know you a little better. It wasn’t fair to be that much head over heels for someone you don’t even know. But that thought vanished in an instant. It took him a few seconds to understand he had to call Jin.

Please, please. He hoped the rehearsals were over and that he had already taken a shower.

«I promise, I swear he won’t do it» Jungkook’s sweaty hands went in his pockets and grabbed the phone. «I- I’ll call him»

You let yourself sigh when he brung the phone to his ear. This was all too overwhelming, the nervousness was eating you alive and the fact that now you had to worry about his friend too made you hold another sigh. Please, tell me he’s not teasing me again. This was your prayer, the words echoing through your mind like a mantra while the man talked to his phone taking a few steps to distance himself from you.

«Jin, please. You own me this for the dress. And I promise I- I will do whatever you want me to do. Just, please do this for me» he prayed lowering his voice and staring at you.

«You’re lucky I just changed. Alright.» Jin nodded on the other side of the line, everyone was staring at him waiting to know what happened.

«Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you» 

«I know, how can’t someone love me?» he scoffed «Where are you?»

«A few block away from the studio, in front of the crossroad, but please hurry up. Really, she’s running out of time»

«Alright, alright. I’m on my way. Don’t say or do awkward things.» that was the last sentence he left him with.

Jungkook stared at you for a little bit before putting his phone back in his pockets, studying the way you were biting your lips and snorting from time to time, fingers playing with each other in nervous movements. He couldn’t help but ask himself why you were so nervous. Your parents were coming over, shouldn’t you be happy to spend some time with your family?

You were desperate, totally overwhelmed from your parents’s judgement, still thinking about their faces when they would see you hired a chief just for a stupid lunch. “Couldn’t you do this on your own?”, “This is ridiculous.”, their voices were already playing in your mind.

You turned to look at Jungkook, his gaze immediately leaving your face and his cheeks flashing red. You approached him in a second.

«He’s coming» he let out a deep breath, and so did you. You didn’t have to worry about lunch anymore, thanks God. «I- why... Can I ask you why are you so nerv- nervous?» his question made your mouth fall agape. Was it that obvious? 

«I’m not»

«Oh» he puffed «O-okay. I’m sorry» you frowned.

«Why do you keep saying that?» Jungkook gulped harshly.

«I- I shouldn’t have asked.» and now he was looking like a puppy for the first time in front of your eyes. For a moment he didn’t seem the charming awkward man that had made you feel uncomfortable anymore. The silence filled the air even though the streets were chaotic. 

Seeing him like that made you speak: «You won’t tease?»

«Wha-What? Why?» Kook thought the conversation was already over, so when you asked him he really didn’t had his brain working. «I mean, why should I t-tease you?» doe-eyes staring directly into yours.

«You always do it» you shrugged. In that moment, Jungkook really felt awful. You really thought all he had done was because he was teasing you?

«I don’t»

«Yes, you do»

«No, I don’t» his voice sounded firm for the first time. Your eyes left his.

«Then this is you? You usually act like... you acted yesterday? And the day before? And the-»

«No, I- I don’t» he sighed «but I’m not teasing you. I never wanted to?»

«Why are you asking me?»

«I’m not! It’s just-» he let the sentence disappear like a speck of dust blown off by the window. «I won’t tease» his voice made you look back into his eyes and the silence filled the space between you two again, your face lost his brightness.

«My parents are not easy-going people. It’s just that.» Jungkook raised his eyebrows.

«Yes, but a chief?» he let out without even thinking, the second he saw your features changing he wanted to slap himself.

«I know, it’s desperate» he held his breath, the guilt already sneaking in his body for letting you think he thought that.

«No!» his voice came out louder than expected «I-It’s not. I was just curious. Maybe I should hire Seokjin too when my parents come to my place. He cooks better than me» you scoffed and his heart sped up like crazy. Finally, he thought. He was dying to hear that sound escape your lips, and now that he was the cause of it he wanted to hear it more.

«Jungkook!» Jin’s voice remembered him what you were really doing and he couldn’t help but feel disappointed when he turned to watch him get closer with each step. Your mouth hanging open at the sight. Tall, broad shoulders and a charming face. Was it a thing running in his group?

«I’m Kim Seokjin, but call me Jin. I’m your chief for today.» he introduced himself once he stood in front of you.

«I’m Y/N. Thank you for doing this, I’m aware I didn’t give you time to-»

«Don’t worry, really. It’s not a problem.» he smiled. You nodded and gulped nervously before glancing at Jungkook, who was standing there shifting his gaze between you and his friend, praying everything would work out fine.

«Let’s go, you can tell me about what you’d like to eat while we get to your place»

And with that, you nodded at him and gave a smile to the maknae. Jungkook’s heart skipped a few beats.

«I swear, she has the worst parents ever.» Jin claimed, eyes wide and shocked features. «They really aren’t easy-going people.»

«Did they complain about the food?» Namjoon asked, the hyung raised his eyebrows.

«They didn’t dare, luckily for them,» he scoffed. «but from what I heard from the kitchen that woman really has the strongest self-control ever»

«What happened?» Hobi sat beside him on the couch.

«You mean what didn’t happen. First, when they came in they didn’t even greet her, they just gave her their coats and ran past her like nothing.» he raised his index finger while shaking his head. Jungkook’s eyes widened.

«Then they started complaining about her apartment. “I don’t really know how you like this place so much”, “it’s so small”, “do you even have a second bathroom in here?”, “you should move”. I mean, let her breathe!» he imitated your parents’s voices, an high-pitched tone for your mother and a weird twang for you father. His middle finger went up.

«After that, her mother tried to break into her room as if she’s a fifteen years old teenager. What the hell was that? She even locked it before they came in, I saw her.» and now his ring finger too.

«What?» Yoongi couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and neither the others. Everyone’s expression was only screaming shock, staring at their friend like he was telling them a crime novel. Jungkook had his eyebrows knitted together, mouth agape and an emotion neither he could quite get running through his blood.

«I swear I’m not making this up! They’re the worst!» Jin shook his head. «When they saw me serving the plates her mother raised her eyebrows and waited for me to go into the kitchen before she started spitting out all her venom. “Couldn’t you do this on your own? Of course not. You’re still trying to dance, right? That’s why you don’t even have time to learn how to cook”, “your mother is right, you should start to act like an adult, Y/N. I think it’s time for you to stop with that”. It was like being in hell, and I was in my heaven, you know I love standing in front of the stove. I honestly don’t know how she managed to stay calm.»

«Oh, God. She must feel so much pressure» Hobi muttered, Yoongi and Taehyung nodded.

«I know. I could see it in her eyes when I left, she was acting like nothing happened but she really seemed wrecked. She insisted to pay me but I refused her money, I told her she’s fine since is your “friend”» Jin looked at Jungkook, who weakly smiled as a thank you for his actions. He already knew that your parents were not that easy from your words and the way you acted that morning, but God, he never though they’d be like this. How did you even manage to not burst out at them?

Your pillow was doing nothing to muffle your sobs, they could be heard even with the sound of the TV on and the sheets hiding you from the light light of the screen. Useless to say, you were feeling like shit. You always tried your best but always fail with them. You were used to it, so why were you crying? Again? You wished your parents were different, more amenable, you even wished you were different, the daughter they expected you to be. But you weren’t, and all you were left with was hope, every time. Maybe the next time will be better, that was what you usually told to yourself, and that was probably why you ended up crying this time too. You needed to stop it and face the fact that it was not going to be better. You weren’t the problem, and deep inside you you knew it.

You simply needed to face it.

Finally, here comes today. It’s weird for you to think this, but you actually want to meet Jungkook, to thank him. The awful night you had made you think of how hard you try with your parents even though you keep telling yourself it’s not true. After having a chief cooking for you, the only thing you can do is cope with it. You can’t deny you were being anxious for the whole time, still skeptical about the situation, afraid that Jungkook was maybe teasing you again and his friend was no one but a someone looking for fun him too. But he wasn’t, he’s been nice for the entire time, always smiling and trying to make you feel comfortable, he sure knows how to marvel a new client. You saw him blinking a few times because of your parents’s words, but you’re grateful he didn’t tell you anything. He was professional and friendly, and you feel so sorry about not paying him and making him deal with the awkward lunch of you and your parents.

Thus, you are now walking in the studio hoping to find Jungkook or maybe one of his friends, not sure of what exactly are his schedules. You look for him until you realize you’re already five minutes late for your rehearsals so you decide to rush back in your room. What you didn’t expect is to find him at your doorframe, eyes shifting from person to person. His figure makes you hold your breath, his features taken by whoever his looking for, lips pursued, tall and muscled body wrapped in a pair of black jeans and a gray shirt.

«Jungkook?» you call. Jungkook’s heart drops when he realizes it’s your voice, then in a second the embarrassment is there again, making his ears and cheeks flashing red.

«H-hi?» he slowly moves his stare until it’s on your face.

«Were you looking for me?» his eyes wide, he weakly raises his eyebrows and now his lips are slightly parted in a pout.

«N-no? Yes, I mean no, I- fuck» he mutters, shutting his eyes at the end of the uncommon answer and hissing under his breath. You knit your eyebrows. Once he opens his eyes again you can’t help but smirk, just a little bit. With the half-gone sensation of him teasing at you it’s more easy to do it.

«I- what was the question?» he really doesn’t know how to answer you. You scoff and shake your head.

«Never mind, I was looking for you but now I really can’t talk. Do you have some time later?» your uncertain tone makes you cringe, again feeling weird in front of him. You can’t help it, it’s just something that happens every time in his presence.

His brain stops working again. «Oh, yes? Y-yeah»

«What- what time do you get off?»

«I- well, I- uhm... Yoongi!» he suddenly screams, panicking and widening his eyes when he shifts them from you to his friend, his tone radiates nothing but frustration.

Thanks God, he thinks, but a second later he’s already regretting it. You quickly turn to see his friend approaching you in heavy footsteps, and when you link his face to his name another wave of uncomfortableness sneaks in your body.

Yoongi looks at you only when he sides his friend, gulping harshly and trying to fake a smile as best as he can. «Hi, I’m Yoongi?»Why do they all speak like this? 

He shifts his eyes from you to Jungkook and viceversa, hoping someone to talk and tell him what the hell is he doing there with you two. When Jungkook finally speaks his voice his shaking. «What dime do- do we get o-off?» his eyes are basically praying Yoongi to answer.

«I think at seven?»

«Oh» he lets out, lowering his gaze on you again. You try to shrug off the mix of emotions his dark eyes give you.

«Okay, I... I’ll wait for you? I guess, if you tell me-»

«13» Yoongi interrupts your blabbering seeing that the maknae’s face is as blank as a white sheet paper, still in shock from what’s happening, he probably wouldn’t have known how to answer you.

«Thank you. See you later then» you try to smile without letting your uneasiness creep in and quickly enter the rehearsal room, letting out a deep breath.

«You know you’ll have to talk to her later, right? And what was she talking about?» Yoongi asks as soon as you can’t hear him. Jungkook shrugs.

«She- she wants to talk? I’m gonna die in the awkwardness, I know it. I’m gonna embarrass myself so much I won’t even be able to breathe, fuck.»

«Y/N?» Jungkook stares at your reflection in the mirror, his movements suddenly stop nd Hobi frowns at him.

«Jungkook, what are you doing?» he screams over the music. The maknae blinks a few times before he understands you’re looking at him and he’ll make everything more awkward if he keeps standing still like this with his eyes on you. Thus, he takes a deep - deep - breath and  counts the time again before catching up with the moves.

His body makes you hold your breath, his movements are clean and outright, his style is impactful, even the small details incredibly focused and accurate. His muscles twitch under the clothes, and you can outline the muscles of his legs even without even trying. Only the sight makes you shudder. His body is something you really didn’t dwell on, too much taken aback from the way he usually acts around you, but having a show like this in front of your eyes is something you can’t really turn away to. The way he moves his hips in a particular move has you clenching around nothing, and you suddenly blush at the thought of how he’d move them in a different situation, your heart beats faster.

Jungkook tries to not let your presence influence his rehearsals but he can’t help to steal a few glances at you while he moves on the rhythm. When he sees you blushing and glancing down his body he can’t help but smirk a little bit, even though his heart beats louder with every second. He glances away again when you eventually raise your eyes to his face, body stiffening in an second.

When the music finally stops and you seem to wake up from your trance you find yourself looking at the others, realizing only now that you probably should have asked before coming in the room like this, so you stand up and go out in a second.

Yoongi suddenly runs behind you.

«Y/N? Right?» you have no chance but to turn and nod.

«I’m sorry, I sho-»

«You can stay.» he smiles at you «And I’m sorry for the tea, the other day»

«Are you sure?»

«About the tea? I’m really sorry» he bits the inside of his cheek.

«No, I mean are you sure I-»

«Oh, yes. Jungkook would like it if you stayed» he suddenly points his thumb to Jungkook, who’s staring at the two of you with his lips parted and apparently in trance like you were just a few seconds ago. When your eyes lock with his you shrug to hide the weird shiver sneaking into your back.

«Okay, then» you smile at Yoongi and head back to the bench at the side of the room. 

You spend at least twenty five minutes staring at Jungkook, your eyes rarely meet the figures of his friends, completely taken by the way he moves and the emotions he makes you feel with every song. At the beginning the maknae feels his cheeks heating up and his body as stiff as a trunk, but with the time passing by and the seconds becoming minutes he slowly gains a little bit of confidence, and when you see him even more free and secure you can’t help but take in the sight releasing a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding. He’s like a magnet, some weird kind of energy attracts you to him, maybe it’s the way he speaks with his face or the way his eyes seem even darker and deeper when he sometimes glances at you and immediately glances back. Time seems to run and before you know it the music stops again and the group is lets out uneven breaths, heading to the bench you’re sitting on to grab their towels.

You feel your cheeks heat up when you notice almost every one of them glance at you with a look you can’t really read. Jungkook is still in front of the mirror, eyes completely focused on the way his body moves and repeating movements like a mantra. When he finally stops and turns around his gaze locks with yours, his heart pounds in his chest, palms sweaty all of a sudden.

«Kook, here!» one of his friends throws him a bottle of water and the man quickly catches it bringing it to his lips and taking a few sips. You watch the way his adam’s apple moves from your seat. He closes the bottle and finally heads to the bench, he feels so nervous he’d do something awkward and make you both feel uncomfortable that he almost thinks of running away. The others seem to quickly disappear to go to change and when he finally stands beside you you don’t really know how to act. The silence fills the room and makes you wince, your tongue comes out to wet the petals of your lips, Jungkook holds his breath.

«I like your style of dancing, the way you move» you blurt out. The maknae seems almost shocked at your words.

«I- I like it too» and here we go again. «I mean, I like yours too?»

«You watched me dancing?»

Jungkook groans. «I- oh, ye- yes?» he quickly gives up on lying «I watched you»

«Oh, I didn’t notice» you nervously smile. «Thank you, then»

Jungkook brings his white towel to his neck, wiping the sweat from his skin. That stupid action hits you like a wrecking ball.

«I’m- I’m sorry for everything that happened,» he speaks without thinking «I- I never wanted to tease you. I’m really sorry it- it came out like that. Really sorry.» his tone is shaky and he still can’t believe he managed to let out a full sentence without embarrassing himself or you. For some kind of reason his words make your gaze deepen in his, the weight of your irises almost crashing down Jungkook’s mind.

 You shake your head. «You apologize every time» a smile breaks through your mask.

«I don’t want to... make you feel uncomfortable? It’s just... I’m really so- sorry if it came out in the wrong way. I always end up embarrassing myself but I wanted to make a good impression, it’s just-» he suddenly stops talking, feeling all of a sudden even more nervous to say the words he was almost spilling out, he scraps at the back of his neck.

«You make me nervous» he really said it. 

His words hit you like a train, fast enough to make you doubt you really heard them and hard enough to stun you. «I make you nervous? Oh, I’m sorry I-»

«No, no, no, no» he quickly complaints «In a good way, I- I guess?» 

«What do you mean?»

Jungkook opens his mouth to speak a few times but always fails and closes it, before putting the towel on the bench and harshly gulping. «I- Can we talk about something else? Please?» he almost whines, making a weird smile form on your lips.

«Do you want to go to the cafe?»

He nods at your proposal, lifting his index finger. «Just give me a minute to change and-» he lowers to grab at all his stuff on the bench but unintentionally hits the bottle of water which falls to the ground. He lets out a deep shaky breath, the words I’m so bad at this echoing in his mind. You manage to bend over and grab it but at the same time he takes a step towards it to do the same, stopping when he sees your hands holding the bottle. When you raise back, the view you meet with makes you hold your breath and your cheeks red like peppers, Jungkook is not quick enough to rush back, and you can’t help but feel uncomfortable again, but this time there’s a different emotion too that you’re not quick enough to grasp.

It happens in a matter of seconds, but it seems like minutes when you glance at him, standing tall and looking at you bewitched by the sight of you like this. And he needs to remember himself you’re actually here to hold back the dirty thoughts that are already filling his head. You gulp hard, your eyes scanning his beautiful features and saving the breathtaking sight, his crotch almost touching your cheek because of the lack of distance. And you can’t deny, your thoughts take you to a different dimension that makes you fucking throb.

«Just- give me- give me a minute?» Jungkook stutters with a deep low voice, heavy breath and cheeks heating up.

«This are the kind of things that makes me think of you teasing me» you don’t even know where your words came out from, how’d you manage to make a full sentence still watching him from the same position.

«I swear, I didn’t want to-»

«It’s okay» you unintentionally lick your lips and he finds it even harder to keep a clear head, his cock already hardening. «Go?»

He slowly nods waking up from his trance, and manages to rush back into the fitting room with fast steps and heavy breathing, hoping that the others are not there. Not now that with every steps he takes he feels harder with the image of your eyes looking at him from down.

«Fuck» he hisses letting his bag fall to the bench. Luckily, no one’s here anymore and he’s only left with his boner. What is he supposed to do now? He can’t just change and go out, you’d see it, definitely.

Fuck.

Jungkook quickly heads to the door of the bathroom and takes a deep breath before locking it, lowering his sweat pants and his boxers on his thighs. The second the material doesn’t hug him anymore his cock jumps to his stomach, tip already red and dripping with precum. How do you manage to get him this hard without even trying?

His hand immediately wraps around his shaft, squeezing himself a little bit, just enough to make his head fall back and his lips part letting out a strangled whine. 

«Fuck» he hisses before he starts moving his hand, his mind going back at you and how damn good you looked before at the height of his cock. The first time he masturbated thinking about you sucking him dry he didn’t really think he would ever have a picture of you to accompany his actions to. And now that he has it, he can’t seem to get enough of it. You’d look so fucking good giving him the blowjob of his life, hollowing your cheeks and wrapping him in your mouth, he’d fuck it so good you’d be drooling and gagging for him. His thumb slowly caresses his frenulum and he twitches under his hand, stroking himself faster and harder. He doesn’t even realize it but the image of you he has in mind is making him louder than he usually is, panting and hissing, begging to explode.

«Oh my god, fuck.» he groans.

You can’t hear him from where you are, but your tights are tightening anyway. What happened just a few moments ago is replaying in your mind over and over again. The view he gave you of him staring directly into your eyes while you were basically facing his cock it’s making you go out of your mind. You can’t deny he’s charming, with features that make you feel dizzy, but this was too much to handle even for you. Your mind can’t help but fantasize how he’d fist your hair while you’d lick him, and just the thought makes you clench around nothing, the wetness between your folds already soaking your knickers. You try to push the image away, but the way you’re desperately squeezing your thighs for some kind of friction tells a total different story.

Jungkook bites his lips, his abdomen twitching and his shoulders heavily raising.

«Y/N» he whines, picturing you on your knees for him. In his mind, your hands are one on his inner thigh and the other playing with his nipple, twirling it between your index and thumb and making him even more sensible.

«Shit, so good» his voice is husky, sure as hell it would make you shudder and fall on your knees if you’d only hear it. His movements become more sloppy, the knot in his stomach almost about to burst. He groans and speeds up even more, hips practically hitting his hand with every stroke. He imagines your thighs tightened, the wetness in your folds, the way you’d taste, and he feels even closer.

«So fucking good»

Jungkook spits in his hand. His breath stutters more, and he suddenly doesn’t remember how to breathe anymore as he strokes himself harder, the lewd sound of him shoving in his fist becomes louder, the only sound feeling the bathroom and the fitting room.

The thought of you cupping his balls and massaging it makes him do the same thing, he pictures your tongue licking and swirling around the head of his cock. That is the last chunk he needs to come undone in his palm, spatters of white hitting his chest as he fucks himself through his orgasm until he’s too sensitive to even make one more stroke, letting his head resting on the door behind him. Eyes closed, heavy breath and mouth completely dry, Jungkook takes some time to recover from the heavenly climax he just reached.

God, what he’d give to know that he had the exact effect you had on him, but you’re just too shy to do something about it here. If you were home, well that would be a different thing. You’d help yourself with your vibrator, fucking it into you like it was him. But now, now you’re just trying to contain your thoughts, waiting for him to come out and go to the cafe.

When you realize it’s been a while since he disappeared you decide it’s better to go and see if everything’s okay. Standing up you unsurely walk to the door of the fitting room, the structure of the building being always the same makes finding the way easier. You knock at the door.

«Jungkook? Are you okay?»

«I- uhm, I’m coming, give me a second!» he answers back with a high-pitched tone, so you nod and go back to your bench, waiting for him. It takes him another three minutes to finally come out, his hair are a little bit messy and you think he must’ve ran his hands through them a few times.

«Are we- are we still going?» he asks. With your worries at the door of the fitting room he thought you might have heard him before, but when you nod and smile he lets his previous thoughts fade.

You head out of the studio and to the cafe, trying to ignore the way your panties practically slips against your folds. Jungkook tries to think about what to say and how to begin a safe conversation for the both of you without feeling uncomfortable or awkward but he just can’t seem to find nothing else than the question he asks.

«You wanted to talk?» lowering his gaze to his side he looks at you walking in silence. You quickly nod.

«I wanted to thank you, actually» you turn to smile at him, the butterflies in in stomach invading every part of his body.,«You know, for Jin.»

«Oh, no- no problem» he smiles back, his eyes sparkling and you can’t deny the sudden warmth you feel in your chest. «It’s the least I could do, for what happened?» his sentence sounds again like a question, but by now you’re kinda used to it. You scoff.

«Let’s say I forgive you for the dress and the awkward meeting» you tease. His eyes squint and he wrinkles his nose.

«That wasn’t my fault» he murmurs.

«Your friend?»

He nods. «Teahyung»

«Well, then I forgive Teahyung and you for the dress» you smile again, his heart is beating like crazy.

«How much do I have to embarrass my-myself for the drink Yoongi spilled on you?» he’d like to giggle but he feels so freaking nervous that all he can do is let out a puff.

«I don’t know, you’re pretty good at that. I’d end up enjoying the show eventually and it wouldn’t be fair, I’d let you go on» you tease again. Jungkook’s cheeks heat up. His brain trying to understand if you’d say something like this because you like the way he acts around you or just for the fun of teasing him. The truth is, neither you know it now.

«It’s the thing I seem to be better at» your giggle makes him feel lighter.

«I was kidding» you stop your steps and he realizes you’re already in front of the cafe.

«You’re forgiven, more than forgiven. I actually feel like I owe you something now» you explain looking directly in his dark eyes, and damn, he’s really beautiful.

«Oh- no, no! Don’t, please» he shakes his head. «I- I wanted to make it up to you, you don’t owe me anything»

«Well, let me get you a coffee or something you’d like at least?» you point at the shop behind you. Jungkook licks his lips and takes another deep breath before nodding, following you in and trying to look elsewhere but the way you swing your hips with every step. You’re gonna be the death of him, and he’s slowly falling even more with every word you say.

Thanks to the time the cafe is almost empty, only two or three clients are sit on the chairs at the counter. Nevertheless, you sit at your favorite table, the one in the corner always forgotten by practically everyone. There’s something about this table that makes you feel safe, maybe it’s because no one seems to look at it, sometimes even the waitress forgets it.

«I’ll get a tea» you announce without even glancing at the menu, Jungkook tilts his head to the side and hides his head behind it. You wait for him to choose what he wants and when he’s done you raise your hand to the waitress behind the counter. The woman quickly walks to you, giving you a gentle smile.

«What can I serve you?»

«A tea for me»

«I’ll have a Red Velvet latte» Jungkook says, leaving you amused by his choice. The waitress quickly nods and leaves you with another smile.

«Red Velvet?» you ask «I’ve always wanted to try it but I always end up with tea or coffe» you reveal, Kook raises his eyebrows.

«I like- I like it. Maybe you want a sip?»

«Don’t worry, I’ll get it the next time»

«We can switch drinks if you want» he says as the same time as you.

«Really, Jungkook, don’t worry» you smile at him.

«Anyway, I really am thankful for Jin yesterday. He helped me a lot, without him I’d probably end up having a breakdown» you scoff at the end of your sentence even though it’s true. Jungkook watches you as you speak, completely taken by your words and the way you move your lips, your voice seems to be the only thing catching his ears now, not even one of his favorite songs playing in the background gets him.

«Thank you for being so nice and help me, Jungkook. It was Sunday and-»

«Hey, no problem» he cuts off your rumbling with his hand on yours, and the second he realizes what he has just done he takes it away with wide eyes. The only trace he leaves on your skin is the dampness of his sweaty palms.

«I’m- I’m sorry»

«Stop it, please» you almost whine and his features instantly sadden, afraid he just made another mistake. He tries to hide his expression but fails, and the guilt sneaks into you making you shake your head.

«I mean, stop being so stiff. Tell me, what is it?» you ask.

«What?»

«What do I do to make you this nervous?» you ask again. «I can try and-»

«It’s not you.» he cuts you off again. «I- I mean it is you, but it’s me. I-» he stutters.

«I can try to hide my face if you want» youironically propose as you grab the menu and cover your face with it. Jungkook frowns but immediately smiles at your silliness. «Does it work?»

«It- It’s not making any difference» he holds back a laugh.

«Are you sure?» you giggle. He shakes his head.

«I am, just- please, look at me» his words play a strange trick on your mind, making you harshly gulp as your heart skips a few beats. It’s noy like he had just said something that important, but your mind goes blank for a second.

«Y/N?» he calls, eyes fixated on the menu you’re holding. He stretches his arm out and grabs at the paper, slowly lowering it from your face. Your eyes, your nose, your lips. Jungkook stares at every feature of your face taking in the sight in front of him, the power you have on him is fucking scary, and he’s realizing it for the first time now looking in your eyes.

«What happened?» he lets out in a whisper, not really certain of his voice at the moment. You gulp and shake your head. You don’t even know what happened, how are you supposed to explain him?

«There you go, your tea and your Red Velvet» the waitress comes in the way, and you thank her in your mind for saving you from the awkward situation you just putted yourself into. However, the interruption is fast and she leaves in a matter of seconds leaving you with your drinks.

You can’t help but glance at his glass, the crimson color of the drink intrigues you and the chocolate chips on top are the perfect frame. Jungkook lifts it from the table and stretches his arm again towards you, putting the drink basically under your nose.

«Try it» he manages to say holding his breath. He doesn’t even know where he gained all of this boldness, he just did it without thinking. And now that you stare at him he’s beginning to think he’s making things awkward again.

Your hands cover his, giving birth to another session of butterflies in his stomach and a shudder running down your spine. Jungkook understands he has to remove his hand from the glass to make you drink and he slips away like he just got burn by a blazing fire.

Taking a sip you let yourself taste the sweetness of the latte and the chocolate chips before giving him his drink again, deciding this will definitely be your next order at this place.

«It’s so good» you whine, Jungkook smiles.

«It’s one of my favorite drinks, Jin- he always tries new things and likes to feed us like babies. He introduced me to this»

«I really like it» you bring your cup of tea to your lips, taking a sip. «My tea is so boring now» his smile widens.

«We can really switch drinks if you-»

«No, don’t worry, really»

He nods, taking the first sip of his Red Velvet.

«So Jin is kinda like the mama of the group?» Jungkook smiles at your comment.

«He is the oldest» he nods. «He likes to take care of us and we like to eat» you giggle at his words.

«His cooking is really good, I haven’t eaten that good in months. I should have insisted more on paying him» you take another sip from your tea.

«Trust me, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it» Jungkook smiles at you, and it’s a matter of seconds before he finally noticed he’s not stuttering anymore. In fact, he feels more comfortable. «He was happy to help»

«Oh, trust me, he helped me a lot»

You try to think what would’ve happen yesterday if it wasn’t for him, the result would have been even worse than it already is. Jungkook’s heart warms up knowing he was really able to help you, he made something right. The smile you have on your face makes him want to work even more to create a brand new one.

«What about Yoongi? Does he spill his drinks on everyone?»

«No, he doesn’t» Jungkook scoffs and avoids telling you the reason why he actually spilled it. «He’s the second hyung. Actually, he’s usually very quiet. His stage name is Suga»

«I heard about him» you raise your eyebrows. «Someone told me he injured his shoulder fighting over a first prize but I didn’t think it was him they were talking about, and honestly I didn’t know if it was true» 

The maknae shakes his head. «It’s not true. He actually got injured while working, he had to find a job to pay for his dance lessons and eventually he started a delivering job. He got hit by a car.» Jungkook stares at the wooden table «People often say that or that he tried to beat one of the judges and got kicked in his ass. I don’t get why they like to make up something so stupid» an heavy sigh leaves his lips.

«Last year I broke my uncle because I was pushing myself too hard for a contest and eventually I didn’t perform. I heard people say I couldn’t ‘cause I was pregnant» you tell him, the memory still makes you wrinkle your nose. Jungkook’s eyes widens before he opens his mouth.

«I hate rumors» he mumbles. «Who- who do you want to know about now?» he stutters a little bit, deciding to bring back the conversation to a positive vibe.

«Taehyung? Was it his name?» you squint your eyes.

«Yes» he nods. «Taehyung is the second maknae and a fashion icon in the group, we always try to look as cool as him but he just has that something that makes you give up and stay in your sweat pants.» you giggle at his comment and he can’t help but smile at your sparkling eyes.

«He doesn’t usually act like the first time we met, he’s pretty confidential.» Jungkook takes the last sip of his Red Velvet and you do the same with your now almost cold tea while you take in all the informations.

«Namjoon is the dad of the group, he’s always willing to give you advices but at the same time able to give you a good shake. He and Jimin are my go to when I need to talk to someone, but the others are pretty good at listening too. Jimin is the third maknae»

«Who’s the first?»

Jungkook puckers his lips. «Me» 

«How old are you?»

«I’m twenty two» he answers, remembering this is the last day he gets to say it. For a little moment he thinks of you at his birthday, but he forces himself to push the picture away, it would be weird to invite you when you’re talking fr the first time.

«I’m older than you!» you can’t help but exclaim, Jungkook licks his lips.

«Really?»

You nod.«I’m twenty four»

«How- how should I call you then?» he bits his lips, a little bit of nervousness sneaks again into him, worried you don’t like the way he has been talking to you.

«Oh, please don’t call me noona!» you shake your head and smile at him.

«Are you sure?»

«Yes, Jungkook. Don’t change the way you were talking to me, I liked it. It was natural» you smile at him, your heart beats faster when a smile shines on his face and lights up his features. Jungkook is trying to be as natural as he can, trying to speak without blubbering still stunned by your presence in front of him, and hearing those words make him less tense.

«Hoseok is the only one left. He’s a ray of sunshine, always able to make you smile and laugh. His stage name is J-Hope. He’s a spring, his movements are as fluid as water. Oh, and he can’t hide his expressions whenever he’s angry, even though it’s difficult to annoy him. His face goes like this» Jungkook’s try to emulate his friend is quickly cut off by your bursting laugh because of his expression, and he can’t hold back his giggles at the sound of your happiness.

«Sounds like a beautiful group» you say when you finally stop laughing, your cheeks are hurting while you take a look inside your mug, realizing only now it’s empty.

«It is, they’re my family» the tone he uses makes a knot built up in your throat, smiling melancholic. And who the hell knows why, Jungkook notices it. 

«Is- is something wrong? Did I say-»

«No, no, no. It’s fine, I’m fine» you quickly say smiling again. He would like to ask you what’s wrong again until you’d probably end up answering him but he thinks he’d invade your personal space and annoying you.

«Are you sure? I- I know I ask this a lot but-»

«I’m sure, thank you for asking» you interrupt him with another gentle smile. Jungkook knows it’s not true, but he nods anyway, bringing his gaze to his empty glass. His action makes you bring yours to your phone, unlocking the screen and realizing only now it’s almost eight and a half.

«I should go now»

He raises his glance, the feeling in his chest it’s telling him to not let you go but he can’t do that.

«I’ll see you tomorrow at the studio?» you ask him while getting up from your chair, rummaging through your purse looking for the wallet. Jungkook is about to say yes when he remembers tomorrow it’s their free day.

«No, not tomorrow» he smiles at you getting up and producing a shrill sound with his chair against the floor, his cheeks heat up for the fiftieth time only in an hour.

«Oh, I guess I’ll see you on Wednesday then? Or whenever we-»

«Could you give me your number?»

If he thought his heart already risked a heart attack many times with you, then now he should be dead from the way it’s beating. Blood running through his body so fast that he can hear it his in his ears, the tip of them and his cheeks flashing red, palms sweating more than before. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked you.

You stare at him for a few seconds, completely stuttered by his question as you gulp harshly and blink a few times.

«You- you promise you won’t send me nudes?» you joke, and this time you are the one who’s left with her mouth agape, wondering where the hell that just came out from. «Oh my-»

«If you don’t ask for them I won’t» Jungkook scoffs, the fact you just said something like that is making him feel lighter. You raise your eyebrows at him.

«I won’t, I surely won’t» you quickly rebut but you’re afraid he might be offended so you keep adding words making everything worse. «I mean- not that I wouldn’t like them, it’s just-»

«Y/N» he interrupts your dwelling. «I- I won’t send or ask for nudes» he laughs at his own words at the end of the sentence, making you grimace.

«I’m- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that»

«It’s okay» he smiles at you and you let out a shaky breath before putting ten bucks on the table and heading to the door with him.

Jungkook dials your number on his phone and quickly sends you a message to let you save his, still freaking out in his mind for what happened in just an hour of being with you.

The afraid of being awkward he felt at the beginning is still there, but he feels more comfortable now that he knows a little bit about you. He’s still nervous, palms still sweaty and heart still beating like crazy, gaze still trying to lock with yours just to shudder and blush under it. He likes the way his nervousness shaded with the comfortableness you made him feel talking to you, his chest both threatening to explode because of the tension but still tasting the sweetness of the naturalness and ease, the combo is one of the weirdest to ever exist, but it’s true.

«Goodbye, Jungkook» you smile at him after putting your phone back in your purse. You think about your actions for a moment before quickly tiptoeing and leaving a soft peck on his cheek that makes him almost feel dizzy. The way your soft lips touched his skin will haunt him even in his dreams tonight. He’s not rapid enough to smile at you while you turn and walk away, too shocked by your actions, but he smiles anyway.

This is the first time Jungkook realizes he just had a bite of the cake, and now he wants to eat it all.

«Are you kidding?» Taehyung’s deep voice resonates through the stairwell and Jungkook can hear it even by pulling his phone away from his ear.

«I’m not, Tae» he rushes to the door and hangs up before opening it sure that his friend is already there. In fact, he is. Standing still in front of him in his Gucci palazzo trousers looking like a model.

«Happy birthday, Kookie» he smiles at him and hugs him tight making Jungkook chuckle.

«You just said it on the phone»

«I know» he pats his shoulder. «Where are the others?»

«They’re coming» Jungkook takes a look to his lounge, the table is already set and the food is almost ready, Jin will be proud of him.

«Is she coming too?» Taehyung asks, Jungkook turns like top.

«What? No»

«Why not?»

«I don’t know... we don’t have that much of intimacy. And with you?» he knits his eyebrows thinking of the possible ending of doing something like that. «She’d probably feel like a fish out of water and you’re gonna embarrass me if I’m not the one doing it» he shakes his head.

The bell rings and Kook rushes to the door to welcome his friends, Hobi and Jin are standing there with the biggest smiles on their faces and hands full of envelopes, smiles as bright as the sun.

«There will be a day when you’ll be old and people will make fun of you, and it’s coming! Happy birthday!» Jin hugs the maknae laughing for his own words and Jungkook does the same. Hobi joins the hug, making Tae grimace and run to them.

«I feel alone» he mumbles before wrapping his arms around the three of them, Jungkook in the middle is almost dying, being the burger in the middle of the bread.

«Happy birthday!» Hobi screams, his voice echoing in the hallways remembers Jungkook the door is still open.

«Okay, now set me free» he laughs. «Where are the others?» their grip on him loosen and he finally closes the door.

«They went to buy you a cake, Seokjin made you one but Joon ate it last night without knowing it was yours» Hobi burst out laughing.

«It was obvious! He should’ve known it!» Jin screams frustrated with his eyes wide.

«Look at that!» Jimin points at the cake through the glass, his eyes sparkling at the sight and his mouth begging to taste the sweetness of the sponge cake. He looks like a baby.

«Ugh, Chimin! It’s for Jungkook, not you!» Namjoon scolds him making the corners of his mouth drop.

«I know what he likes!» he says back. Yoongi shuts his eyes, they’ve been in here for almost ten minutes now, fighting over which cake they could buy and not really getting anything.

«Do you-»

«He’ll like that» Yoongi cuts off Joonie’s words and point at the cake nodding to the pastry chef behind the counter who quickly smiles at him.

«Could you write “Jungkook” on top of it?» Jimin asks with a kind smile, the baker nods and he raises his eyebrows at Namjoon.

«See? It’s gonna be perfect, you need to listen to me!»

Namjoon sighs and shakes his head, taking a glance out of the shop to see his girlfriend still in the car waiting for them, eyes fixated on her phone.

Your parents had decided to ring your doorbell without telling you they were coming over. Luckily - or unfortunately - it’s Tuesday, and on Tuesday you’re usually home for lunch, but when the doorbell squeaked you didn’t really think it was them. Maybe the postman or a neighbor, but not your parents.

«Surprise!» they both screamed. It was the worst surprise ever. You didn’t know they were coming so you didn’t make lunch for them, didn’t tidy up properly, didn’t hide your things and didn’t lock your door. Plus, you weren’t prepared for another mental breakdown, not so soon after they gave you one just two days ago. And you still aren’t now, listening to them talking while you eat your salad.

«Your mother decided to come visit Ailiseu for a few days and September is already here so we decided not to wait until next month, it’ll be too cold» your father explains, his smile going from ear to ear. You instantly pray for the mental health of your cousin knowing how your parents can be, she’s gonna go out of her mind.

«Exactly! And we’re staying at her place, since she has a big house. Sorry honey, we would’ve asked you but we thought we’d be too much in here.»

«No problem» you try to sound as kind as possible. This is the good side of having a small house, at least.

«How long will you stay?»

«Three days» your father says «but we’re going to Ailiseu for dinner, we’d like to spend today with you»

«Take a day off of work.» your mother points her index finger at you. «We’ll have fun! We could go to the mall and buy some clothes, I really don’t like the shirt you’re wearing»

You stop eating fixing your gaze on your meal and trying to stay calm. This is a nightmare. How are you supposed to not go to work when they saw you were fine this morning? And notify them in half an hour? Your boss is going to go out of his mind and kill you. You won’t even be able to rehearsal today, obviously.

«Mom, I-»

«Please?» your father cuts you off.

You give up. It’s scientifically proven that you can’t beat them at this game without bursting out, that would definitely lead to an argument and you really are not in the mood for it. So you nod and finish your lunch listening to all their stories, your mother complaining about everything: the broken electric hand dryer at the gas station they stopped in, the way your father drives, your shirt - again -, your salad, your house and again your job. All of her words only make you wish to end this day as soon as possible but against your desire, time only seems to slow down while you wait for your her to come out of the bathroom.

You’re ready to go to the mall, you already called your boss and told him you had a setback and couldn’t go back to work this afternoon, and like you predicted before he didn’t sound happy at all, groaning things you couldn’t understand and quickly hanging up. Your mother is been in the bathroom for twenty minutes now making you frown and sink in your couch. When she finally comes out you head to the door in a second.

«Let’s go shopping!»

Your feet are hurting, if they could talk their exact words would be “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” at every step you take. You’ve been in here for almost six hours now, dragged from a shop to another, from a salon to a shoe store and you’re pretty sure that by now you entered all the shops in the mall.

«What’s the time?» your mother finally stops walking at your father’s question, taking a glance at her golden watch.

«It’s almost eight,» she answers raising her eyes to you «we should probably go. Do you mind giving us a ride to Ailiseu’s place?»

You try to fake a small and force yourself to nod despite your tiredness, all you’d like to do now is lay down and sleep. Your brain health is being put to serious danger today, with all your parents endless rumblings and complaints, your mother even tried to buy you a shirt just for you to go change the one you have on in the public restrooms.

You head to your car with big strides and yawning, your parents’ words behind you about how beautiful your cousin’s house is  and how much their parents must be proud of her are making your chest heavy and your head pound.

You hope not to stay stuck in traffic once you get in your car and get out of the parking lot. You only make it to a few blocks before your wishes and hopes totally fade away, the cars blocking the street and the sounds of the honking filling your ears.

«We’re gonna be late, Ailiseu is waiting for us» your father sighs.

«Can’t you take a different road?»

«How am I supposed to take a different road now? There are cars behind me» you huff at your mother’s words.

«Then honk!»

«It’s not gonna change a thing, everyone is doing that!» you claim. Your dad shakes his head.

You wait at least five minutes before you move again, the silence only filled with your mother’s huffs and annoyed muttering. When you think you finally made it and you’re gonna be home soon, a loud thud makes you shudder and not even a second later you’re being pushed against the wheel because of the swing of your car, hitting your forehead against the glass of the windshield.

It takes you a few moments to realize you just got hit and before you know it you’re already putting on your hazards and heading out of your car. How is it even possible to witness to accidents in just a few days? 

You take a look to your parents while they do the same as you and when you see they’re fine you let out a sigh of relief that lasts as quickly as it came out. Your car is devastated at the back and there is no way you can walk home without shedding parts along your way, you only feel grateful that you and your parents are not hurt.

The man in the car behind you approaches you with fast steps and a worried face, tired eyes and shaky voice.

«I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more careful»

You don’t even understand how he managed to make such a mess to your car with the traffic on the streets now, he probably came out from one of the small roads where there weren’t cars and you were the lucky one to welcome him in the jam.

The man leaves you his number telling you to call him once you know how much this is going to cost you and quickly leaves, you end up calling a taxi for your parents and a tow truck for your car, trying to stay as awake as possible. After forty five minutes of waiting you’re so tired that you could lay down and sleep in the middle of the road if it wasn’t for the cars threatening your life, but apparently someone is hearing your prayers and the tow truck comes to rescue you. Your car is brought to the mechanic and you say goodbye to another one hundred bucks for the tow truck. You’re left alone in the middle of the jam, so you move to the sidewalk ready to call a cab. You had the worst day and you’re already thinking of how much you’ll have to work to get all the money you just lost back.

«Y/N?»

You’re being caught off guard when someone calls you while you’re bringing the phone to your ear. When you turn and find Jin smiling at you you quickly hang up.

«Jin, hi»

«What are you doing here?» he looks down at you as if he’s the Eiffel Tower and you’re the grass.

«Uhm, my car broke, I was going to call a taxi»

«If you want I can give you a ride? Can you wait a little bit? Just the time to sing happy birthday to Jungkook and give him the gifts, we’re looking forward to embarrass him» he laughs.

«Oh, it’s Jungkook’s birthday?» Jin nods realizing only now that Kook probably didn’t tell you. «I don’t know... I don’t want to bother, I wasn’t invited and I don’t have a gift and-»

«I think you’re thinking too much» he quickly cuts you off. «I don’t think it will be a problem for Jungkook or the others, he’ll be happy to see you»

You sigh. You could call a taxi and wait for it, spend another fifty bucks and head home. Or you could wait a little bit and spend the time you’d spend waiting on the street with them and maybe have a little bit of fun after this awful day, maybe. If things won’t get awkward again. It’d save you money you could use for the groceries, after all.

«Lead the way» you end up saying thanking him with a warm smile. He nods and soon you’re in the elevator waiting for the doors to open, hoping not to look as awful as you feel right now. You still feel sorry to break into his birthday party without an invitation, a gift or even a little bit of more intimacy between you two, so when the doors open and you hear the laughters coming from one of the apartments you think of getting back outside and call a cab. But it’s too late, one of his friends already holds the door open for Jin, glancing over his shoulder with curious eyes and widening them at you.

«Jimin, this is Y/N» Jin introduces you to his friend gesturing with his hands an impossible language for you to understand, not that it does have meaning, he’s just trying to tell him to contain his expressions.

«Y/N, hi!» his voice is soft and it makes you smile without an apparent reason. You link him to Jungkook’s words yesterday, the third maknae and apparently, the friend he often chooses to ramble on to.

«Jungkook!» he screams over the laughters coming from the other room, eyes still fixated on you.

«Teahyung won’t let me come!» At the sound of how happy is voice sounds, laughing and cracking in the middle you can’t avoid the warmth in your chest.

«Come in» Jimin steps aside and lets you and Jin in the house. «You can give your coat to me»

You thank him and give him your coat before you’re following Jin in the other room where the others are. Their laughters stop in a second when they glance at you, now filling the place just with silence. Jungkook’s heart stops beating for a moment, totally shocked and overwhelmed by your presence, mouth agape and eyes widened. He wasn’t prepared to see you, he totally wasn’t. He stares at blankly as if he just saw a ghost and not even when Taehyung finally sets him free from his hold he’s able to say something. Your cheeks are burning like fire under all their gazes.

«I’m Taehyung» the guy who was holding him smiles at you and takes a few steps before reaching out his hand. «I’m sorry about the awkward meeting»

«Oh, don’t worry» you shrug at the memory.

«Jungkook?» a deep voice seems to wake him up from his trance, Namjoon is telling him to do something with his eyes.

«I’m Namjoon»

Soon enough all of them gather around you and shake your hand welcoming you into the house with bright smiles and kind words. The only girl in the group tells you to call her Kitty and tells you she’s the Namjoon’s girlfriend, she seems pretty nice and you end up talking for at least twenty minutes, all of your tiredness seems to disappear. The only one you still didn’t talk to is Jungkook, and you’re afraid he’s annoyed by your presence. The thought makes your head throb, but you wouldn’t blame him after all. It’s his birthday and sure he’d like to spend it with the people he loves, not with you that he doesn’t know much and weren’t even invited.

«You should go talk to her» Namjoon whispers in Kookie’s ear.

As if he hasn’t thought about it already. Jungkook knows he should talk to you, but as I said before, he really isn’t prepared for this. And seeing you talking with his friends and smiling makes the feeling in his chest even more uncontainable. You’re smiling and you seem at ease with them, sipping from your glass from time to time and laughing at Jin’s jokes. He likes this picture, you in his house, all bright and happy. He could get used to it. And all of this, only makes his anxiety grow until it’s skyrocketing.

«I’m gonna say or act awkward and ruin things again, I’m not-»

«And do you think that staying here won’t? She’s in your house, it’s your birthday and you didn’t even greet her. It surely...» he trails off when you take a few steps towards them. Jungkook bits the petal of his lower lip feeling the usual but still new mixture of emotions rushing through his blood until it reaches his chest and totally takes over him. Namjoon pats at his shoulder and glance at you with a kind smile before standing up from the couch with Hobi and heading to the kitchen. Jungkook stares at you for the millionth time, wishing to say something, anything, but the words are caught in his throat.

«Happy birthday» you stop in front of him, glancing down at the pillows beside him. «Can I?»

 He raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth even more before nervously nodding.

«I’m sorry,» you say softly after sitting on the couch «I didn’t want to break in and annoy you, my car broke and Jin offered me a ride home and-»

«You didn’t annoy me, you don’t annoy me. Never- you never annoy me» he blurts out. «You- you can stay as much as you want» his cheeks are heating up, and you don’t even know why but you suddenly smile like a baby, his words make you feel more at ease.

«I don’t have a gift»

«It doesn’t matter» he smiles at you, your heart both stuttering when you lock eyes.

«If I’m being honest, I-» he stops talking, eyes shifting from yours to meet the ground.

«What?»

Jungkook stays silent for a moment, thinking about what he wants to say over and over again, trying not to make it sound as cheesy as it sounds in his head, but the truth is that there aren’t other words to express it.

«I like you here»

«What?»

«I-» he gulps «I like you here, with us?» he wants to slap himself. Why did he even think about telling you something like this?

«You seem happy?»

You squint your eyes at him, something about this conversation is making you more nervous than usual.

«I think I am?» why are you asking him?

Jungkook scoffs at your tone, it comes out so naturally that it makes your heart flutter. «You don’t sound so sure about that» he quotes your words, a bright smile creeping upon your face.

«Everyone is so nice and easy-going, and they made me feel comfortable even though I wasn’t meant to be here» you shrug. «You weren’t joking when you talked about them»

«Actually...» he clears his throat «I though of invating you yesterday but I- I didn’t cause I though it would be weird? I mean-»

«Jungkook, you don’t need to explain me why you didn’t invite me. Don’t justify yourself»

«I’m not» he replies fast enough to make you knit your eyebrows.

«But I’m happy you’re here now» the sound of those words are like sugar to your hypoglycemic heart, hearing them makes you feel something you never experienced, something that you missed since you were a little girl. The simple act of being happy to have someone near you and not expect anything from them is something you never witnessed, neither from your parents, even though they love you under those cold masks they wear. People always seemed to expect something from you, always. Jungkook is not telling those words without meaning them, he’s not expecting a thing from you. Not even a gift.

«Jungkook!» Hobi screams from the kitchen, tone breaking into a laughter and soon joined by others too. Jungkook shuts his eyes for a moment and then smiles before standing up from the couch. With boldness he didn’t think he has, he stretches his hand out for you to grab it, waiting with held breath and unsure dark doe-eyes staring directly into yours.

It’s a matter of seconds before you loose up and reach out to his hand, fingers intertwining with each other’s and a shudder running down your spine.

Jungkook stands still for a moment, his hand is limp against yours, he didn’t really think you’d grab his hand, not in this way. You’re not holding it to help you stand up, you’re intertwining your fingers with him. It’s different. The heat rising in your cheeks makes you feel like a teenager with her first crush and only now you realize that that’s why your heart is pounding and your brain is overthinking more than usual. You’re about to split away since he doesn’t tightens his grip on you, mentally slapping yourself for doing something like this. You’re fingers leave his and Jungkook’s chest feels suddenly more heavy. Reaching out again, he grabs your hand, fingers intertwine with yours and this time in a tight and sicure grip. His hands are a little bit sweaty for the nervousness, but so are yours. Your heart stutters, breath held as if you were free diving.

Both of you stand still for a moment before turning to look at each other, not even the time to say something that Hoseok is calling again from the kitchen.

«Jungkookie!»

«Happy birthday!» the screams fill the apartment, Jungkook’s features are priceless with his eyes squinted and his cheeks flashing red, trying as best as he can not to die under everyone’s affections.

«Blow out the candles!» Jimin shouts «I’m the one who choose the cake!»

The happiness and the intimacy in the room is so overwhelming that you feel out of place for a moment, but Taehyung grabs you by your arm and brings you closer to the group.

«Come here, embarrass him with us» he winks making you laugh. Jungkook shakes his head, he’s still at ease for the happy birthday song but he can’t fight the big bunny smile taking over his face. And when he sees you laughing with Teahyung, it takes him just a second to let go of the uncomfortable feeling in his chest only to be left with the desire of the sweet taste of the cake, and not the one on the wooden table.

Taking a deep breath he blows out the candles, eyes fixated over you making your heart skip a few beats. He doesn’t even think of a wish, all he wants it’s here tonight; the warmth of his friends, the love they feel for each other, maybe the new beginning of something, anything.

The candles die out, leaving the room in the dark for a few seconds before someone finally turns the lights on.

«Time for the presents!» Namjoon screams.

«Oh, please!» Jungkook whines and the laughters of his friends grow even more. Yoongi disappears to bring all the bags with the presents in and everyone except from Jungkook and Hoseok seats on the carpet in front of the couch even though it’s empty, you guess it’s one of their habits.

«I’m gonna cut the cake» Hobi announces turning around to face the table and start his task while Jungkook makes his way through the bodies of his friends, apparently towards you. He stops in front of you, still standing still a little bit out of place.

«You wanna sit on the couch?» he points at the sofa and you end up asking yourself why you didn’t do it sooner. You sit on the cushions, eyes fixated in front of you even when he follows you and sits beside you under everyone’s gaze, his friends staring at him before gazing away.

«Here comes the cake!» Hobi is a ray of sunshine with his bright smile while he distributes the dishes to everyone and soon enough you’re closing your eyes and letting out a whine at the taste of the sponge cake.

«It’s so good» you let out with your mouth full, words almost puzzling. Jungkook bursts out laughing and you need to gulp trying not to choke.

«Ah! See?» Jimin points at Namjoon «I choose it!» he turns to you with bright eyes and a big smile reaching his eyes.

«My taste buds are thanking you» 

Yoongi enters the room with his hands full of bags and places them beside Jungkook.

«Alright, let’s begin» he sits in front of the couch. Jungkook takes a deep breath and turns to grab the first bag.

«This is from?»

«Ugh, I forgot to write it again» Hobi murmurs making everyone laugh. Jungkook opens all the gifts, every single one of them makes you know him a little more, a little better, a little deeper. From the sweater of Hoseok to the set of products for his skincare by Jimin, they all tell you something about him. It’s Jin’s turn when he suddenly gets up from the carpet and shakes his head in the jumpiest of ways.

«Wait, wait, wait!» he almost screams. When he realizes what he’s doing he try to fake a smile. «I need to talk to you»

«What?»

«I need to talk to you» he repeats.

«Now?»

«Jungkook ya! Yes, now!» Jin looks at him with eyes widened almost as if he’s trying to communicate with him but Jungkook can’t really understand what is happening, so he just wakes up and follows Jin in another room, not a second later the hyung comes back just to bring his presence for Kookie with him.

«Alright, I’m gonna take another piece of cake» Namjoon says, her girlfriend gets up from the carpet with him to do the same. Taehyung smiles at you from the ground and quickly gets up, sitting next to you. You end up talking for at least ten minutes, conversation as fluid as the water and a comfortable feeling of naturalness you haven’t been feeling for a long time. You think you’d like to hang out with them more, they make you feel good with their positivity.

Jungkook finally comes back in the room after fifteen minutes, gaze and smile that now you can identify as nervous. He sits on the couch beside you grabbing Jin’s present again, digging in the bag until he finds it. Ripping the paper off, the new set of kitchen tools lights up his eyes. Now that the presents are all discarded, Jin looks at you.

«Do you want to go home now?»

Would that be wrong or weird if your answer was no? You glance at Jungkook, his eyes already on you.

«Wait, wait!» he bursts out, now standing up and heading out of the room. Your expression is blank until he comes back, wondering what just happened. Jin seems to smile when he see his friend rushing back with a bag in his left hand.

«Come ou- out, please?» Jungkook asks. You nod still uncertain and you follow him to the balcony, he makes sure to close the door behind you so that nobody can hear you.

Silence fills the air just for a little bit, the only sound that can be heard is the night, so peaceful and quiet, the light whistle of the wind. Jungkook is again repeating to himself that he can talk without embarrassing himself or making you feel awkward, he did it until now, kinda. He clears his throat and raises his gaze, hand scratching his neck. This can’t go worst than the first times you met, after all. It’s a simple action.

«I-» he stops without even starting.

«Am I making you nervous again?»

His expression changes, eyes widening and mouth hanging agape as he starts to shake his head.

«No, I- I mean...» he trails off and you don’t know why, but you feel the need to reassure him. So you smile at him, one of those warm smiles that makes his heart stutter and wonder if he’ll ever get to see another one, if this one doesn’t kill him. He gathers all his strength to talk through the smile that wants to take over his features.

«I’ve got your dress» he lifts his hand.

«What?»

«I’ve- I’ve got your dress. This is your dress, the dress you wanted» his cheeks are burning.

«It-it’s not my dress, it’s yours»

«I-» his eyes widen at the thought of the explanation he has to give you, so many words he wants to groan.

«I saw you liked the dress and-»

«You saw I liked the dress?»

«Yes, I mean- I was in the shop when you came in.» he claims. «I saw you looking at the dress and I thought you’d like it as an apology gift? So I- I was trying to understand the size you were looking for and praying that there was on- only one or that you’d let me buy it for you.» he quickly blurts out.

«There was, but you had already found it and I- I should’ve just walk away but I didn’t and-» he stops again.

«You know the end»

He had already told you what happened but you really didn’t think it was this, with the little details it sounds totally different. The silence makes his way again and Jungkook feels like he’s about to explode for the way his cheeks are heating up, so he’s quick to place the bag in your hands.

«I- I wanted to give it to you and I took it at the rehearsals. Jin- he mistook it for a towel and- this- this is a new one don’t worry. I tried to search for it online but apparently they only sell it in his store and Jin found it today and-»

«Thank you» you cut him off, your warm smile reaching your eyes and now setting on fire his. He’s sure he’s gonna burn by the end of this.

Opening the bag and raising your hands to look at the cloth you realize that you couldn’t care less now. It’s beautiful, but it’s just a piece of cloth. It’s the action behind it that you find more beautiful, even though you would’ve never think about it this way just a few days ago. Jungkook searched for it online, and he grabbed it from you because he wanted to buy it for you. Well, maybe he should learn how to contain himself, but it doesn’t matter. He never wanted to tease you or make you feel uncomfortable, it’s just a consequence of him being around you. And that’s exactly why he acted like that.

«I’m sorry»

«We need to stop to say that» you scoff. «I don’t care anymore, not now that I know what happened»

«So- you- you’re not mad at me?» 

«Why should I be?» you frown at him «Jungkook, I’m not. Honestly, I-» you stop talking to glance at him. And the only thing you can feel is your heartbeat raising until it’s skyrocketing, you can feel it in your ears. An insolite warmth, a weird sense of happiness you never got to really feel. And something inside you is telling you to fucking let go of your armor, break it apart and take a risk for once, just one and just now. Damn, how much you would like to know what’s the taste of his lips, of him. If only you were more bold.

«Trust me, I’m not mad at you» you almost whisper, so low you’re not even sure he heard it.

Jungkook shifts his gaze from you to the dress in your hands, and before he can stop himself the words are already leaving his mouth. 

«Do- do you want to wear it?» he wants to slap his face again.

«Now?»

«You’re right, do- don’t. I mean, if you want to wear it I-»

«Jungkook, stop talking»

You look into his dark doe-eyes fighting the urge to drown in them, but it’s just a matter of understanding it, you already are breathless and desperately swimming to get to the surface.

«I don’t think it’s the right dress code for tonight and Jin is probably waiting for me»

«I- I can give you a ride if you want? I mean, you can stay more, you know that?»

«I wouldn’t like to both-»

«You don’t.» he states, eyes never leaving yours.

«Please, stay? Just a little more. Or let me take you home?» he’s almost imploring for a little bit more of your presence, but he doesn’t care anymore, not now. There’s something inside him that doesn’t want to do anything else than let you know the effect you have on him, what a strong power.

«Alright» you breath out. «I’ll stay, but tomorrow I have to wake up at six, I’ll probably have to go in a little bit»

Jungkook nods and feels the guilt sneaking in at the same time.

«Oh, I didn’t know it. You- you can go»

«Jungkook, I’ll stay for a little bit more. Don’t worry.» you lightly scoff, his worrying for you causes a weird feeling in your chest. «I’d be happy to eat another piece of cake.» you smile.

«Plus, I like being with you» 

Jungkook feels his chest warming, the thought of him making you feel good almost sends him dizzy. He knows that he can’t answer you now, he’d just say or blubber something without any sense, so he just smiles. One of those smiles that you really don’t know what they do to you, but you can feel it.

You end up talking for another five minutes before he goes in to bring a piece of cake to share and to tell Jin he doesn’t have to leave now to take you home, you didn’t tell him if he can give you a ride, but Jin usually leaves pretty late, so it’s not a problem for him.

When he comes back again he’s sure he has never seen someone as beautiful as you. The way the light of the moon lights up your features and the shadows of the night make them look even more charming, the way the light breeze makes you hair swing.

Jungkook sits beside the table and you do the same, body facing the city lights that make you feel a little more small.

«Here» he gives you a spoon. You eat the cake, air filled with light laughters from time to time and light conversation. His presence really seems to make you feel good, lightweight. Like you haven’t felt in months. The end of the time you gave yourself quickly arrives and you end up standing up and ask him for the bathroom before you go home.

The tiredness is taking over you again, but you’re not regretting staying more, not even a little bit. Placing your phone and your purse on the washbasin you start to think of how fast things can change in just the slightest amount of time. Just a couple of days ago you thought he was trying to make fun of you with his friends, and now you’re enjoying their presence and wishing the night would last just a couple of house more, so that you could go to sleep later. But it’s not possible, so you quickly grab your purse and rush back where Jin is waiting for you. You told him before you would be leaving with him, even thought the thought of Jungkook giving you a ride home was screaming to come out, you don’t want to ruin the party by bringing away the birthday boy. Saying goodbye to everyone is like a promise of seeing each other again and you end up sharing your numbers with Namjoon’s girlfriend and with Teahyung, telling each other you’d like to hang out together.

When it’s Jungkook’s turn he hands you your bag with your dress in it knowing you left it on the balcony to go to the bathroom.

«I’ll see you tomorrow?» he asks with a low tone as if it’s a secret.

Thinking about what happened today with your car, you’re not quite sure if you’ll make it to the rehearsals tomorrow, you have to work until midday and if your boss lets you, you’d like to work overtime to save more money, you already spent a bunch of them for the tow truck and you still have to fix your car. You’re just glad your mechanic is a friend of yours and will probably give you a discount.

«I’m not sure I’ll make it, I’ll probably work overtime» you grimace. Jungkook‘s features fall a little bit but he’s quick not to show you and nods. You’re about to tiptoe and leave two pecks on his cheeks like you did with everyone when his hand reaches yours and your heart do cartwheels. Your fingers intertwine for the second time tonight and you can feel your cheeks heating up with his.

Jungkook keeps telling himself to not make you feel uncomfortable, this is a bad idea, but he really doesn’t understand you feel everything but uncomfortable right now. The warmth of his body is so close to yours that you’d like to crush in his arms without any hesitation. Looking up at him, he stares at your face, marveled by the way you make him feel before quickly tilting his head. The action is so fast you don’t have time to understand what’s happening, and in a second his lips are pressed against your forehead, gente and dangerously soft that you’d die to feel them on yours.

Without even realizing it your arm wraps around his back and he feels himself stiffening at the contact, he wasn’t expecting it, and neither his cock, now throbbing in his jeans and remembering him that its better if he lets you go. So he does so, trying to smile as best as he can and ignore the reddish of his cheeks. Thanks to God no one is watching you, or he’d be dead by now.

«Good night, Jungkook. And happy birthday.»

And so you smile at him and turn around to head to the door with Jin.

What a birthday.

It’s only the next day you realize you don’t have your phone. You want to yell at yourself for adding another piece to the puzzle of your stress. You did nothing but run like crazy for the whole morning at work and you thought that at least you could relax during your lunch break but apparently, it’s not possible. You have two free hours and you don’t have any idea about what you’re going to eat for lunch, but you repeat to yourself it doesn’t matter. You’re just praying you told the right address to the cab driver and hoping that he is home. You’re going to Jungkook’s, and the thought alone makes a fluttering sensation rush through your chest, and now you’re even more nervous. You usually wouldn’t break in people’s house like this but it’s the only way, you really need your phone today considering your car is at the mechanic’s and your parents are in the same city as you. You can’t wait until tomorrow and hope he’ll bring it to the studio, this is the only way.

When you find yourself opening the car door and taking a glance to the building in front of you it’s safe to say you feel relieved. At least the address is the right one. Your steps are smooth and you make it to the entrance door without any problem, but when you search for his name on the intercoms you suddenly feel stuck in place, your heart beating faster than usual. Repeating to yourself you need your phone, you press the button and wait for him to answer. A few seconds pass by and you’re already losing hope when finally a bzz signals that the entrance door is just being open. You expected him to ask you who you were but he simply quitted so you stare at the name on the button wondering if you should press it again. Your fingers move faster than your thoughts and a second later you’re waiting for him to answer to tell it’s you, but Jungkook seems to have a different idea and again, he just re opens the entrance door. Sighing gently and giving up, you enter the apartments and get in the elevator.

The thought of being here again is making your chest warm, so warm it feels like a summer day. Last night since the moment your head touched your pillow you thought about him shamelessly, trying to understand the way he made you feel and to categorize it in some kind of way. You found no answer, you don’t even understand yourself when you’re with him. Yesterday has been one of the worst days ever but it took him nothing to make it better for you, even with his stuttering and nervousness, he was able to make you feel... mattered? Since the moment you met him for the first time Jungkook screwed up almost every time you talked, but he always found a way of making it up, maybe with a little bit of unease and already on his way to screw up one more time, but he did. And just the simple fact he cares enough to try even though he knows you so little makes you smile and worry at the same time. You’re not used to all this attention, you’re usually the one who’s always trying to hard, at his place.

The doors open and and you have to go out to let the person in front of you get in the elevator, so you end up staring at his door.

«I’m going now!» a yell comes from inside, you don’t have time to understand whose voice it is or what it’s happening that Jimin is already standing in front of you with his eyebrow raised and a smile forming on his lips.

«Hi, Y/N»

«Jimin, stop teasing me!» Jungkook screams from inside. Jimin widens his eyes and then his lips in a shocked expression as you smile at him.

«Hi, Jimin»

Just the sound of your voice and the maknae is losing it all, rushing to the door to see if his mind played a trick on him. Apparently it didn’t, since you’re staring at him with your mouth open and your breath stuck in your throat, and Jimin has pretty much the same expression.

Why are you... Oh-

«Fuck, I’m sorry» his cheeks heat up and Jimin shuts his eyes as Jungkook realizes he’s not wearing his shirt, fast enough to run to his bedroom that he could challenge the wind. His friend shakes his head.

«I should go, see you» he holds the door open for you to enter and then goes out with a warm smile. The second he shuts it you’re left in a house that now seems ten times bigger than yesterday night, maybe for the lack of people, maybe for the silence. Or maybe because you feel so little in this moment you wouldn’t be surprised if someone stepped on you.

«I’m sorry to break in your apartment like this» you speak out loud, not sure if he hears you. Jungkook bites his lips.

«I forgot my phone and-»

«Here» he shows up from the corner of the short hallway, your phone in his hand.

«Thank you» you grab it and put it in your purse.

«I charged it for you yesterday night»

«Oh, really?» he nods. You smile as another thank you and Jungkook opens his mouth to speak when a low grr fills the air and this time it’s you the one with your cheeks reddening.

«Are- are you hungry?» What a stupid question, of course you are. «I made some pasta if you want it»

«I should be back to work in an hour and a half and I’m not sure I have the time to eat, I have to wait for a cab too»

«I- I can take you? If you want?» he licks his lips. «It’d save you time and the pasta is ready»

He’s right, and your stomach is dying to be filled.

«Alright» you nod and he smiles triumphant, the way his eyes seem to smile at your words makes you wonder.

«Why are you so kind to me?»

Jungkook’s smile turns into a slight pout that makes you want to peck his lips as he raises his eyebrows.

«What do you mean?»

You struggle to find the right words. «I- You... you always try to help me or worry about me, even for little things like when we went to the cafe and you kept on asking me if I wanted to switch drinks. When things become awkward it’s because you try to make a good impression and fail, but you’re always trying.» the tone you’re using makes Jungkook grimace. He can tell you’re not used to this from the way you’re shifting your weight from foot to foot as you speak.

How can he explain it to you? How can he tell you he’s so head over heels for you he can’t even think of stop trying? Jungkook bites the petal of his lips furiously as his mind tries to find the right answer, but there is not and he lets out a strangled groan as he realizes it.

« I... I- I really like you» 

Your expression is blank, totally. His words almost seem not to touch you as he studies every part of your face for a reaction.

«You’re not used to this, ri- right?» he scratches the back of his neck.

«I’m really not» you breath out. Jungkook knits his brows together.

«Do you- you want me stop it?»

«I-» you shake your head «I don’t think so? I’m really not used to it, Jungkook. It may sound incredibly stupid but I never had someone who asked me if I wanted to switch drinks just because he wanted me to taste the best one and not to actually steal it from me.»

«Well, now you have me» his words are firm, so incredibly firm it makes you clench your jaw, and his eyes are the same.

«I- I charged your phone because I was worried you would need it today and couldn’t use it. I’m offering you a ride because I like spending time with you, I don’t want something in return other than you, your time.» his voice his calm and his shoulders seem to loose with every word he says as if he’s letting go of a heavy weight.

It’s all striking you in a second, and the hit is so hard you end up holding your breath. It’s not really the fact he likes you that makes you this stunned, it’s the fact he actually cares. Your parents never showed their affection to you without expecting you to give them something back, wether it was a high grade or a good impression on your neighbors, and when you stopped trying to always give back something their affections towards you had simply stopped, replaced by fake “honey” and other nice words just to cover the fact they didn’t really believe in you enough to show it. And with your friends and coworkers is pretty much the same, always waiting for something in return.

The sudden realization makes your eyes tingle and you vision blurry.

«I’m sorry»

Jungkoook shakes his head and gets closer, the thought that no one ever cared enough to show you how much you matter or acted just for the simple intent of doing something for you and not actually for them wrecks him apart. His mind flies back to when Seokjin told him about your parents and how they acted or spoke to you, he can clearly see the weight of every single word of them in your shiny eyes now, hurting you and making you question his good actions just because you’re used to the most selfish ones. It makes him want to bury you with attention, show you that people can do something for others too and not just to feed their egoistic side.

«Come here» it’s as low as a whisper, but you don’t hesitate a second to let his arms wrap around you, hiding your face on his shirt and soaking it with the tears that are now streaming down your face. His grip is tight and you can hear the stuttering of his heart against your ear, one of his hands gets to your hair and starts to softly, sweetly stroking at them to make you calm down just a little bit, head tilted over yours. His heart is aching seeing you like this.

«I’m sorry»

«Shh, stop saying that. We apologize too much» he holds you even tighter as you fist his shirt in your hands. Jungkook leaves a soft kiss in your hair and your heart skips a beat at the intimacy of the action. It’s only then that you realize you’re really letting someone see this side of you, the one you always try to hide because it’s to fragile to break, the one you hide even from yourself.

Slightly tilting your head upwards to lock eyes with him, Jungkook tries as best as he can to smile at you, even though his chest is has heavy as yours. His hands cup your cheeks, his thumbs caress your skin and wipe your tears away.

«Jungkook»

«Yes?»

«Please, kiss me»

His lips crush onto yours, Jungkook groans at the feeling and you instantly bring one of your hand in his locks as he tastes the salty taste left by the tears. As you lightly bite the petal of his lower lips Jungkook feels like he’s dreaming, and he prays not to wake up. His tongue slides in your mouth, wet and warm against yours, tracing and exploring each other and making you slightly tug at his locks, he moans in your mouth and brings one of his hands to your waist, bringing you closer to his body. The kiss is passionate, so damn needy, but not only in a sexual way. You need love, affection. Jungkook is more than welcome to help you with that, letting you waste all of your insecurities and frustrations on him until you feel completely dried, left with nothing but the realization of his taste on your lips, his hands against your skin, his embrace around you, him. And you need to push away to take it in, letting his forehead hover over yours and his heavy breath crush down on your face. His eyes are looking into yours and they make you feel things you now are able to categorize as humanly impossible, so dark and deep but so bright at the same time, lips still brushing against yours as you both take deep breaths. The frustration in your body is gone, your tears are dried, the only thing left is the need you feel to have him again on you, the desperate desire to taste him again. His mind prepares to the thought of a possible rejection, the idea you begged for him to kiss you just to drift your thoughts away storms his mind but he repeats to himself that whatever thing will come, this was definitely worth it. He’ll just have to face the fact that he just got only one bite of the cake. How can he even believe in it? Your lips are addicting, and he’s already craving for more.

«I could get used to this» you whisper. Jungkook never felt so relieved in all his life than now, letting out a shaky breath heavier than the others.

«Please, do it» he whines making you giggle and bring your lips on his again. This kiss is different from the other, more slow, more sweet, more intimate in a different way cause it’s just about you two. There aren’t emotions to run away from and to waste on the other, the only emotions are the ones you feel for each other. His lips move cautiously on yours as if he wants to taste every single part of you and imprint in his mind, your hand leaves his hair just to reach his neck and then his cheek, resting on his jaw. When you move away he rests his forehead again on yours and tilts down just to leave a few more sweet pecks on your lips, totally addicted to your taste. As you look at him you think this man we’ll send you out of your mind, if he didn’t already.

«Could you get used to me caring about you too?» he breathes. Your smile is bittersweet.

«It might take me a little bit» you answer. Jungkook strokes your cheek with his thumb, showing his bunny smile and making your chest a warmer and happier place.

«Then we’ll practice together, uh?»

«I’d like that»

[nojey]

unnoticed

quackity / alex x streamer!reader

genre: fluff -> angst pronouns: they / them word count: 2.1k warning(s): cursing, suggestive jokes

synopsis: you had known alex since you started streaming but none of your viewers knew. you started getting closer and eventually you started streaming together but your viewers didn’t like that.

“(y/n)!” alex screamed into his phone after you answered the facetime call.  “yes, my love?!” you screamed back. alex giggled and asked, “do you want to stream sometime soon? i mean like, we’ve known each other for a few months and we haven’t streamed together, i know you’re a fairly new streamer but i even asked dream if you could come onto the smp, and i have something planned- well karl and sapnap helped me plan it- but that’s not the point, the point is-” he rambled.  “alex? are you asking me on a minecraft date?” you asked. “no! well, maybe, okay yeah. i’m asking you on a minecraft date.” he confirmed.  “i’d love to go on a minecraft date with you, alex.” you said, blushing a bit. 

truth is, you’ve had a crush on alex for a few months. when he first slid into your dms you didn’t really expect it, but it turned out to start a beautiful friendship. you always flirted with alex in hopes that he’d notice, but it never seemed like he did. he never retaliated back but little did you know, he was just too shy to.

“uh- okay great! tomorrow, at 3pm your time, stream it. we’re going to have a lot of fun. wear pajamas, or you know- just be comfortable okay?” he rushed. you laughed a bit and said, “yes alex, of course. bye now,” then smiled and hung up. 

you immediately went tot twitter and started a thread: @(y/s/n): this weeks stream schedule (times are pst): @(y/s/n): tomorrow @ 3pm: minecraft date w/ someone i haven’t streamed with yet  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ↳ @ quackity: i wonder who this might be hmMmMMmm @(y/s/n): tuesday @ 1pm: i somehow got invited to an among us lobby w/ corpse, sykkuno, valkyrae, disguised toast, quarterjade, masayoshi, peterparktv, jacksepticeye, and ludwig  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ @(y/s/n): wednesday @ 1pm: if things don’t go well w/ person on monday- looking for a mc boyfriend! ↳ @ quackity: WELL THAT’S RUDE TO ASSUME THAT THINGS WONT GO WELL (Y/N) @(y/s/n): thursday @ 3pm: chitchat w/ nihachu !! @(y/s/n): friday @ 2pm: pummel party w/ ??

as soon as you tweeted all them out, you looked at replies and saw that quackity had replied to both monday and wednesday schedules. giggling to yourself, you replied back to him.

@(y/s/n): @ quackity way to make it obvious alex, if you wanna date me just say it (¬_¬) @(y/s/n): @ quackity how can you assume that it will go well alex (Ő-Ő) ↳ @ quackity: i just know (y/n)!!! truST ME!!!!

laughing once more, you plugged your phone into the charger and went to bed, excited for what alex had planned for you two tomorrow. 

getting ready for the minecraft date was very nerve wracking. the only thing you could think about was whether alex considered this a real date or not. deep inside you hoped that this was a real one. 

the ringing from your phone disrupted your thought. looking down on the screen you saw that the one person you were thinking of was calling you. 

“hello?” you answered. “hi, (y/n), are you ready?” alex asked. “uh, yeah, i just- i just need to start my stream and introduce what we’re doing.” “okay, um- i’m going to send you a link to the dream smp discord server. join it and join vc 4.” he replied.  “for sure, see you then.” you smiled. “see you.” he said and hung up.

“fuck,” you said and wiped your hands onto your pants. you definitely weren’t ready but still, joined the discord server and joined vc 4 then deafened. you set up your stream and hit go live.

“hey everyone! as you may know, if you follow my twitter, today i’m going on a minecraft date! uh no, no one knows who it is yet, but i have a feeling a LOT of you already know who it is.” you said, reading chat and wiggling your eyebrows.

“okay, i’m going to join the server and then share my screen when he’s standing in front of me.” you started playing some music so your viewers didn’t get bored while they waited for you to start. 

once you were logged into the smp you privately messaged alex and asked him where he was. before he could answer you turned around to look at the walls you were surrounded by and screamed out after seeing quackity’s naked body behind you. 

“chat, i’m okay, just got scared. um anyways, yeah.”  you said and showed your screen, revealing the man himself. “quackity!” you screamed into your mic. “jesus christ, (y/n) we can save screaming my name for later.” he said in a suggestive voice. you then started punching him and after each punch you said, “stop. saying. suggestive. comments. we haven’t even started the date yet!”  “okay, okay, okay! i’m literally going to die, (y/n) stop!!” he yelled out. you kept hitting him to see if he was lying but after the second punch quackity was slain by (y/mc/n) showed up in the chat. 

ranboo: i see that the date is going well

you started laughing uncontrollably while alex was silent. “(y/n),” he said in a more serious voice. you hummed as he continued his sentence. “why did you kill me?” “i wanted to know if you were lying. was that a canon life? i think that should be a canon life.” you laughed. “no it wasn’t a fucking canon life. (y/n) you’re not even an official member of the smp!” he said. “i could be,” you said wiggling your eyebrows and crouching up and down. “anyways. follow me, i’m bringing you to where we’re having our date.” so you followed him and when you reached your destination you were at party park with karl and sapnap standing in front of you. 

“hello boys. what are you doing here on our date. is this an amusement park date, quackity? i didn’t take you for that type of guy. it’s kind of cheesy.” you rambled. “no! this isn’t where our date is happening. jeez, have a little more faith in me (y/n).” he said, moving his minecraft character to look at you slowly and creepily. “well there wasn’t much to begin with,” you said, chuckling a bit. you heard karl and sapnap giggling to what you had said.  “hey! take that back!” quackity said, punching your minecraft character. you audibly gasped and turned to look at karl and sapnap again. “you guys saw that right? he just hit me.” you said, faking shock. they both quickly nodded their heads. “i can’t believe you would hit me on our first date.” you said, turning to look at him this time. “you literally killed me!” he yelled out.

so this went on for about 30 more minutes till quackity explained to you that your date would pretty much be a minecraft manhunt with quackity, sapnap, and karl hunting you but you had to find something instead of defeating the enderdragon. if they killed you and they won, you owed alex a real date. no stream, just them. 

“you’re going to hunt me for our first date?” you asked in disbelief. quackity then nodded his head up and down in a very fast motion. “mm cool,” you said as you punched him and ran away in a different direction.

it had been about 45 minutes and you killed karl and sapnap twice, but quackity had not been seen the whole time. but as you were running away from sapnap, quackity appeared in front of you and you faked trying to kill him, letting him just kill you because you wanted to go on that second date with him. 

(y/mc/n) was slain by quackity ranboo: date still going really well, looks like you guys are really hitting it off!

“awe man, looks like i have to go on another date with quackity!” you said. sarcastically faking the disappointment. reading your chat for the first time this stream, it wasn’t your usual happy messages. instead they were filled with negativity.

i don’t see why quackity wants to go on a date with them why did dream let them on the smp?? there are so many other content creators who deserve to be on the smp way more than they do they’re so fucking annoying begging for attention much?

so you grew quiet and just listened to quackity end off his stream while you ended yours without saying anything. but once he finished saying goodbye to his stream, you immediately said bye to him.

“i’m gonna go now alex, thank you for the minecraft date. text me the details for the next. bye.” you rushed.

alex found it really weird that you had just left like that, you guys almost always stayed on call after he finished streaming for at least 3 hours just talking. but he let it slide, hoping it wasn’t something he had done.

you went onto twitter to update about your streaming schedule. @(y/s/n): looks like my stream schedule may be moving around because i’m going on a second date with @ quackity!

alex quickly went to go reply to it but gazed over the replies to your tweet and wasn’t very happy with them. you don’t deserve to go on another date with him you’re literally just using him for clout what an attention whore leave him alone already!

knowing that you barely ever got hate, he quickly called you instead. thinking very hard about what he was about to do. looking at your phone you saw that alex was facetiming you, you wiped your face from the tears that had fallen and sniffled, hoping you didn’t sound too congested.

“hello?” you said. “hey um, i have to tell you something.” he replied. the serious tone of his voice got you very nervous. was he about to confirm everything your chat had told you or even the tweets you just read? “i really like you, (y/n).” he said. you looked at your phone in surprise and he continued. “and i really don’t know if you feel the same way about me but i read the replies to your tweet and i know that you’re a pretty new streamer and i just don’t want you to already be getting hate because of me, you don’t deserve that. you’re an amazing person and i just, i don’t want to be the reason you’re getting hate. so i think it’d be best if we just laid off talking to each other for now.” “i like you too, alex.” you whispered. “but i respect your decision. goodbye for now?” you said, offering a smile to the screen he was displayed on. it looked like he was just as shocked as you when he told you how he felt. “uh, yeah. goodbye for now. don’t be a stranger (y/n).” you smiled once more and hung up.

as soon as you hung up you started crying again. you really liked alex, but maybe you didn’t show that well enough, because if you did, maybe you guys would’ve been together at this point.

the next day, you streamed normally with a faked high energy that nobody seemed to notice, this time not paying attention to your chat. deep inside you really just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep all your stresses away. it really sucked to find out the guy you’ve had a crush on liked you back but he decided to end whatever you guys had going on.

but your chat couldn’t know so you kept a fake facade on, hoping no one asked about him.

though to alex, it looked like you were so unbothered by him pretty much ending your friendship. he started slightly believing the tweets that mentioned how you were just using him for clout. but after really thinking about it, he realized, why would you have been friends with him months before, without any of your fans knowing if you really were just using him. so he scolded himself and went about his day.

you were ending your stream with a big smile, as soon as you hit that end streaming button that smile was gone. you changed into a hoodie and curled into your bed. you just looked up at your ceiling and started crying, you pretty much lost the guy you really liked. your feelings being unnoticed by the public eye.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[syndxlla]

Part eleven of the More To Love series

Summary: You get a chance to reflect on who you are, where you are with your relationships, and what you really want in life with the help of your mother, the Queen of Corellia. You meet some new seemingly friends, who quickly prove you otherwise.

Word Count: 7.1k, NO USE OF ‘y/n’

Warnings: Non-consensual kiss, swearing, alcohol

Author’s note: i am LIVID. why tumblr only lets you have a certain amount of paragraphs in a post IDK! it’s dumb haha and the only reason i went over is because there is so much dialogue in this. BASICALLY. I am making the decision to go easy on myself. I know earlier today I said part 11 would be split into two, but i am going to just make the second half be part 12. SO. i made a new moodboard for this chapter! i hope you like it :).

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to @stinky-child for helping me edit this chapter and getting it out on time!

PART 12 WILL BE RELEASED THURSDAY, MAY 27TH AT 6pm PST, 9pm EST.

part ten

Koska escorted you back to your quarters, the castle corridors were finally starting to calm down a little bit, however, more and more special guests who would be staying in the palace over the weekend walked in and out of doors, most of them not paying any attention to you because of your drab attire. You hoped the knight made it to his meeting on time and dry. There was no way to know until tomorrow morning, however. Koska was silent as she walked behind you, her footsteps much lighter than the knight’s. Your hair was thick and frizzy from the effects of the elements, and you kept your face down out of a foreign sense of shame.

Keeping your face down can’t hide that sense of shame from everyone, however, and before you can make it to your room, you’re hearing a joyful gasp and footsteps pattering in your direction. You look up from your walk of shame to see someone very important to you, it’s not your Knight, it’s not even Soniee, no. It’s your mother, the Queen of Corellia. She’s accompanied by three Corellian guards and she’s wearing the most beautiful yellow gown you had ever seen. It was clearly a gift from Bo-Katan. You smiled brightly, relieved to see someone you love. It had only been a few weeks but it felt like an eternity. You had completely forgotten she would be coming to your engagement ball. You’ve been so preoccupied with the plans and teaching the Knight how to dance that it completely slipped your mind. Your mother had a wide smile on her face, too, and wore the traditional Corellian crown. You ran to her and embraced her fighting around the waist, something that was not appropriate for royalty in public like this but you couldn’t care less. You had been so emotionally confused over the last few weeks that there was nothing you needed more than a fulfilling hug from your parent. She hums with joy when you come into her arms, and she runs her slender fingers through your beautiful hair. You sigh of relief in her embrace.

“I had forgotten you were coming.” You admit, holding back tears of relief. She chuckles in response.

“You look a mess.” She replies and you’re the one to chuckle this time.

“I’ve had quite the day.” You smile, blushing as you remember who you spent it with. “Come, I have so much to tell you.” You pull away, holding her hands in yours and then leading her to the closest sitting room. You were finally starting to understand the layout of the Mandalorian palace, it only took two weeks. This room was the same blue as the royal color, you guide her to sit by you on the sofa, and Koska awkwardly follows. You look over to the handmaiden before standing and walking in her direction. “Lady Reeves, you are dismissed.” You nod while speaking in a regal tone, but after stating it, your voice hushes and you whisper to her, “Is he going to be alright?” You ask in reference to the Knight.

She nods once, “Even if he was late, he’s bound to duty by the Queen, he’ll be okay.” Your stomach twists.

“What does that even mean?” You ask, there is much he is not telling you.

Koska sighs, she seemed to regret saying that. “I’ll worry about him, you enjoy your time with your mother.” She nods to the Queen who was patiently awaiting your return. You smile a “thank you” and walk back to the Corellian Queen. When Koska closes the door finally, you slouch into the couch, feeling pure relief as you were alone with your kin.

“You look absolutely exhausted.” Your mother says.

“I am, life here is exhausting. There are so many rules, much more than back at home.” You awkwardly shrug.

“We miss you.”

“I miss you too, more than you know.” You were so homesick these days. “I had to spend four days learning all the rules and customs and I still take private lessons from the literal queen so I don’t embarrass her anymore.” You roll your eyes, knowing that you couldn’t express this arrogance to anyone else in the palace and taking advantage of the chance now.

“Oh, I'm sorry love, I worried that there might be a bit of a culture shock.” She takes your hand with hers, stroking the stop of it with her own cold hands.

“Is father here?” You ask, your eyes hopeful. That glimmer immediately fades when she sighs, her eyes leaving yours. “What? What’s wrong?”

“He’s not coming…”

“What? Why?”

“He’s… sick, I didn’t want to tell you but it’s your right to know. You would have eventually found out anyway.” She somberly explains.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, we think so. But traveling and socializing in his condition was not realistic. We understand that rumors will start, but his health is necessary before an impending war.” She frowns, and you try not to let it upset you too much. “Enough of that, tell me about this place.” Her tone immediately flips.

You smile, “It’s so hot, much hotter than Corellia. I mean the heat is exhausting and the dresses are heavy and the tea parties are always outside and I always feel overheated.” You complain.

“Do you at least like the prince?” She asks. “Is he cute?”

Now you must choose if you’re going to lie, like you have for the last fortnight, or be truthful with the only person you feel that you can be. You sigh, and just look at her, defeated, hoping that would be enough to tell her.

She hums empathetically. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah…” You sigh, happy she understood and you didn’t have to make the decision of communication.

“Well, keep your head up, I didn’t really like your father all that much until we had you.” She chuckles.

“What?” You ask, your eyes showing surprise. “I had no idea…” You weren’t sure how much you liked that thought, your parents had always been an example of a couple you’d like to experience for yourself. “Why had you never told me?”

“There was no reason for you to know before now. The older you get, the more you’ll learn what you need to hear.” She explains. You supposed she was right. “And remember, it’s supposed to be a partnership—marriage that is— it’s not so bad if you work at it.”

“Well, he certainly likes being solo.” You humph. “He’s very kind, and it’s clear he cares for his kingdom but-“ You knew you weren’t being completely truthful with her.

“But what?”

You debated your next words. You wanted to tell her, more than anything you wanted your mother to know what was really going on, but you knew you couldn’t. You knew she wouldn’t understand. This marriage is a diplomatic solution to an oncoming war of her home kingdom. She wouldn’t understand the strife. “Nothing.” You feel untruthful to yourself, but you can’t do anything about it. “I just feel like I will be unhappy in our marriage.”

“Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy.”

You hated that, it wasn’t the first time she had said it to you, either. When an arranged marriage was first brought up, she said it then for the first time. The other time she said it to you was about three weeks ago, just before you were going to leave Corellia and come to this ornate prison. It was your last attempt to try and get out of it, but she uttered those words and you had to live with it.

This time, you pulled your hand away from hers. “But what about love? I thought you loved my father!?”

“I do love him, but that didn’t happen for a long time, like I said, not until you were born.”

“So then what’s the reason for all this? For sending me here for a big ball and a fancy wedding if I am not supposed to love the man I’m sharing these parties with? How am I to enjoy marriage before children then?” You stand up on these words out of frustration. You hated feeling like your only purpose in this world is to bear children, to produce an heir.

“Love between royals is not a natural thing, it can’t just happen between any two people. There must be that connection there and it often isn’t developed for a while.” She chuckles. “What? Did you think you were going to live inside one of those fairytales your wet nurse used to tell you before you went to sleep?” She asks, looking up at you, surprised.

“What do you mean ‘between royals’?”

“We must do what’s best for our people, it’s selfish to marry for love when you are royalty.”

You feel defeated.

“No… No, there's so much more to love. Love is not selfish, in fact, I believe that loving someone with our hesitation and unconditionally is the most selfless act one could ever do.” Your voice raises just a bit. You meant every word you said.

“If you feel this way about love, then surely you must love the Prince. What’s the problem then? We’ve been preparing you for this reality for years, it’s not a new concept that you would not love immediately, I can only imagine you would feel so emotionally because you have those feelings for someone.”

Did you?

You consider what she was saying, your eyes trailing to the side as you thought. You supposed she was right, there would be no reason for you to feel so passionately about it if you hadn’t experienced it for yourself.

But you weren’t having that experience with Korkie, the hell you weren’t.

Did you love the Knight? You don’t know his name, you don’t know his face, you don’t know anything about him and yet you are starting to think that infatuation has grown into adoration. Your legs feel weak, and you have to slowly lower yourself onto the couch again, feeling woozy from the realization. How did you let it get so far? Your confused face turns to look at your mother’s, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly open.

“I sense you realized something you didn’t already know.”

You slowly nod your head. Unsure of how to react, you fiddle with your fingers, trying to gain your bearings again. You expect your mother to speak up but she never does.

Before the conversation continues, however, the door is pulled open and three Knights are walking in, a Butler steps in, “Her Majesty, The Queen.” He says before nodding and stepping away. Bo-Katan glides into the room, regal as ever. You and your mother stand up from where you sat, curtsying for your hostess.

“Your Majesty.” She takes your mother’s hand, both of them smiling and kissing one another on either cheek. “I trust your travels were comfortable?”

“Yes, your coachmen were very hospitable.” Your mother nods.

Korkie then enters the rooms with another young Prince who you hadn't met before. He was blonde, and skinny as a twig. He wore a white and gold ceremonial cloak that covered his right shoulder. You smile at Korkie out of Obligation, and he and the other prince bow to the women in the room.

“Princess!” Korkie cheers, “This is my cousin, Prince Hugo of Bespin.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” He takes your hand and kisses the top of it, his smile charming and blue eyes bright. You were flattered by the gesture, humming.

“The pleasure is mine.” You follow royal protocol. Then, another woman enters the room. She’s tall, an intricate headpiece adorns long, black hair and she has hypnotic, black eyes hidden by deep set, hooded eyes. She’s beautiful, with toned skin and red dots drawn under her lips making her stand out from everyone in the room.

“Ah, Her Majesty Queen Clarya of Naboo.” Bo-Katan introduces. The Elven Queen Ahsoka then enters the room, and everyone, even the Queens bow out of respect before the door is closed. The parlor is suddenly very full, and your intimate moment with your mother is lost entirely. You are suddenly very aware of your disheveled look, and try to run your fingers through your hair a few times.

“It’s lovely to finally meet you.” Clarya says, smiling. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Taking your hand and giving you a friendly squeeze.

“Oh… I’m afraid I haven’t heard much about you.” You apologize.

“No troubles, You are all the gossip among the other Kingdoms.” The eastern queen explains.

“Yes, It appears you are.” Korkie says, moving to stand by your side. “How wonderful that my beautiful wife-to-be is regarded so highly across the world.” He tries to take your hand but you pull it away, not necessarily meaning to, but it was a reflex that you failed to suppress after realizing you were in love with an entirely different man. He clears his throat, and the aura in the room is awkward, you aren’t sure what to do, so you just say the first thing to come out of your mouth.

“Have any of you gone to the beach? It’s lovely!” You awkwardly smile before walking over to the drink cart underneath a portrait of a Manda’lor of a past generation. You try to ignore all the people, feeling a little embarrassed that they were all seeing you dressed like this. You didn’t even think of what suspicion could be born out of that phrase.

“Oh yes, our sandy beaches are widely loved by all.” Bo-Katan takes a seat on the sofa in the place you had sat at just moments before, crossing her ankles under her gown. You shakily pour amber liquid into a crystal glass, your hand shaking as you bring it to your lips, taking a sip of the alcohol.

“Nothing like the Corellian beaches, I assume?” Your mother asks. “Our beaches are rocky and often frozen over.”

“Ah yes, but the Corellian ship fjords are lovely, what a wonderful exposure to culture you raised your daughter with!” Ahsoka sings.

“She turned out alright.” Your mother teases and everyone chuckles warmly. You turn around after drinking, and sheepishly smile. Gods you hope she meant that.

“Well, we are all very excited for the ball tomorrow.” Clarya says, “My assistant worked on a mask for hours the night before we left. It will be an extravagant sight to see everyone dressed so festively.”

“Of course, but we all know none of us can compare to the fashion and extravagance of the Naboolians.” Korkie hums. Everyone chuckles again. You nervously looked out to all of them, you had just made possibly the biggest mistake of your life and none of them paid any attention to you despite it. You had just shown Korkie your first and only sign of true disinterest the night before your engagement ball and you desperately wished you could go back in time and take his hand instead of denying the act of affection, even if you didn’t feel good about it.

“I think you will all be pleased to hear that it was the Princess who came up with the Masquerade idea.” Bo gestures to you. You smile with your teeth, trying to act normal and not like you were secretly dying inside. There is general amusement when that is said, and you can’t help but fidget with the crystal alcohol glass, wanting to leave the room and return to the comfortable embrace of the Knight on the beach.

“Beautiful and smart!” Korkie’s cousin laughs, putting emphasis on the ‘and’. “It’s not every day you find a woman like that!” Everyone laughs again, and this time you force out a faux chuckle to seem more involved in the eyes of the others. “You better hang onto her, Kork!” Korkie smiled at his cousin's words, looking over to you. You feel weak, not liking all the attention. If this much attention was making you feel this way, what would the ball with hundreds of guests tomorrow night be like?

“Yes but, I can’t seem to remember going to the beach with you?” Korkie asks, his diplomatic voice cutting through the laughter. You nervously laugh. He knew something was up. How could you be so careless?

“What? Did I say something about the beach?” You try to play it off cluelessly.

“Oh come on, we all know you aren’t that ditzy.” His cousin groans

“Your fiance asked you a question, dear.” Your mother prods.

“Yes, did you go to the beach sometime during your time here?” Bo-Katan is the one to ask this time, and your legs are starting to feel unsteady.

“It’s not a bad thing, we just want to know.” Korkie takes a step in your direction, making you feel closed in. “We all love the beach here and we are happy you have gotten the chance to enjoy it.” You sensed there was an undertone with his true meaning.

You weren’t sure if you believed him when he said this, “Is it hot in here?” You chuckle, “I think I’ll have another drink, would you like one, Korkie? You ask before turning around and pouring another glass of brandy. He can see how shaky your hand is as you try to fill the cup. He stands behind you, wrapping his arm around you and cupping your hand with his in an attempt to make the pouring more steady. The action startles you, and you flinch as a reaction, dropping the crystal glass in your hand. It was already partially full, and it falls down to the floor in slow motion, golden drink splashing out of it as glass shatters on impact, making a loud, crashing sound that sends shards out across the floor and leaves a puddle of alcohol to soak into the bottom hem of Koska’s sister’s dress. The women of the room gasp from shock, and Hugo walks quickly over to see the mess. You look down at the glass in shock of what you just did, your heart sinking and stomach churning. Lady Tano is the next one to walk over to you, taking you by the shoulders and guiding you to one of the arm chairs, helping you sit down. The room was deathly silent now, you could hear your pulse ringing through your ears. Ahsoka crouches before you, ruling your hand with hers and trying to comfort you from the unexpected shock. Korkies hands are balled into fists. Was he angry with you?

“No worries.” Hugo laughs, trying to be an entertainer, “Butler!” The Butler opens the door.

���Is everything alright?” He asks after bowing.

“Yes, we just made a little mess, would you be so kind as to clean it up?” Hugo walks Korkie, who seems to be just as shocked and embarrassed as you, over to another armchair. The butler snaps and then whistles and three young maids come in, each one getting on their hands and knees to pick up the pieces of glass.

“Princess?” Your mother says, “Do you have something you would like to say to the Manda’lor?” She awkwardly asks, clearly trying to make good from the situation, side-eying Bo.

Your pale face turns to look at Bo, who had that same disappointed frown that you always see on her.

“My deepest apologies, your Majesty.” You clear your throat before painfully looking over to where Korkie sat, his hand resting in his palm and expression down turned.

“Well!” Hugo takes the center of the room. “No use in sitting here in silence, mistakes happen! Right Auntie?” He says to Bo.

“Of course.” She smiles, physically accepting your apology with a reassuring nod.

“Lovely, would anyone like some music?” He asks.

“That would be lovely, Hugo.” Lady Tano says in her ethereal voice. He smiles and walks over to the baby grand piano in the corner of the room, the same baby grand that you played at for your Knight a few weeks ago.

“The Princess plays!” Your mother says, trying to alleviate any tension.

“She does?” Hugo makes direct eye contact with you. “Would you like to play a duet with me?”

“Hugo, she just-“ Ahsoka begins but is interrupted by your mother.

“Oh won’t you play for us Dear?” She asks, smiling.

“Please! I have wanted to hear you play since I was told you could.” Bo-Katan asks. It would be rude to decline a request from the Queen and the Host of the night.

You nod and stand up, that could be just the thing you need to feel better. You walk over to the piano, stopping just before Hugo.

“Bass or Soprano?” He asks, muttering so quietly that only you can hear it.

“Soprano.” You say. He pulls the bench out and sits first since he would be playing the lower part. You then sit next to him, your hands still slightly shaking.

“Do you know the ‘Dathomirian Waltz’?” He asks. You nod. “Lovely, key of D minor then, I’ll follow you.” He pulls his hands up to the keys, and you follow, taking two deep breaths, the first to calm your shaking hands, the second to conduct both of you in at the same time. Together you play a set of intricate chords, Hugo emphasizing on the bass notes, playing a complex scale that brought his left hand over his right several times. You carry the melody, playing just slightly louder than him and allowing yourself to fall into the trance of performing. Your hands finally quit shaking after a few phrases of the music, allowing it to soothe your nerves. Music has always done that for you. All of the nobles in the room smile, the Naboolian Queen sighing at the beauty of the complicated piece. You can’t keep the smile from pulling on your lips. Korkie’s cousin was very talented, much better than you. His hand brushed against yours several times and you couldn’t help yourself from thinking about the Knight when Hugo touches you.

This was something you would never get with him. You would never get to share a memorable moment with others, never get to rub hands against each other in front of three Queens, never get to look one another in the eye without shame or secrecy. The thoughts start to overcome your consciousness, causing you to play a sour note. No one seemed to notice, but you were more aware of it than you should have been.

A beautiful piece, carefully composed and rehearsed, performed with the intent to dazzle, the intent to impress. However there will always be the sour note, an incorrect chord that the audience might not hear but those giving the show will dwell on undoubtedly.

Like the Kingdom of Mandalore.

——————————————

“Rise and Shine your Highness!” A sing-songy voice calls out to you before pulling the long, draping curtains apart and letting the warm Mandalorian sun pour into the room. You groan and flip over onto your side, your body is still exhausted from yesterday evening and you would like to sleep in a little longer.

“Oh, don’t give us that.” A more brash voice groans and you recognize it as Koska’s. You can hear a number of other bodies file into the suite, maybe three or four. The handmaid's pull in the elven dress and a light breakfast. You can still smell the salt water on your forearm as you swing your hand over your eyes. You were not a morning person. Koska walks up to your bed before sitting on the edge of it, placing her tan hand on your shoulder. “We’ve let you sleep in long enough, we have to get you dressed and ready for tea with the Queens.”

“Queens?” You mumble, slurring the ‘s’ out.

“Yup, both Bo-Katan and your mother as well as the Queen of Naboo and Duchess of the Felucian mountain Kingdom are all eager to spend brunch with you in the Garden.” More guests arrived this morning while you were still sleeping, but it wasn’t until Koska explained to you about the women waiting for you that you remembered what day it was. You opened your eyes wide, flopping your arm onto the mattress beside you and looking up at her drowsily.

“The masquerade is today.” You say out of realization. She smirks and slowly nods her head. Soniee budges into your conversation, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

“We have two dresses for you to wear today! This one,” She pulls forward a gown that isn’t quite as full and round as the dress for the ball, but is still a lovely dress with a pretty skirt and pearls embroidered into the bodice. “And of course the elf dress.” She nods to the pink and gold gown that sat on a sewing-bust, shimmering in the light. “We won’t get you into the ball gown until later tonight.” She hums.

“Now, we have to get you cleaned up, your hair is a mess.” Koska stands up and pulls the heavy down comforter from off of you. The loss of warmth elicits another sleepy groan from your lips and you stare up at the ladies in waiting frustratedly. “Up!” Koska’s serious voice commands and you’re scared enough of her that you jump up out of bed, pulling the nightgown sleeve up that has been slowly slipping down your shoulder and showing more and more skin. “That’s better.” Koska hums, “Let’s get you a bath, yeah?” She walks towards the bath room, opening the golden gilded doors and into the naturally-light room. You will always admire the beauty and effort put into the Mandalorian palace despite the internal battle with living here. You follow her into the room, still sleepy and walking slowly but eventually making it to the tub in the center of the room. The bath has already been drawn, which they must have done in your sleep (they’ve never done that before). You strip out of the cream-colored nightie and dip into the warm water. It smelled of lavender and honey and you allowed your muscles to relax into the bubbles. It was perfect, exactly what you needed to clear your racing and stressful mind. Your muscles were sore from yesterday and the warm water and flowery oils soaked them blissfully. You sigh at the sensation but before you can enjoy it anymore, Koska is dumping the warm water over your head, wetting it completely. It’s unexpected and you gasp from shock, your eyes glued shut to keep the water out of them. Damp hands come up from out of the water to wipe your eyes but then another dump of water is pouring over your head and you’re back at square one. Koska was a much harsher bather than Sonnie was.

All is forgiven however when she starts massaging your scalp, cleaning your hair. You relax back into the tub and enjoy the seawater and wind getting rinsed out. The other ladies come in, one on either side of the tub who files your nails, and Sonnie brings in a towel and silk robe. The other handmaiden works at your calloused feet with a pumice stone and you try not to let it tickle too much. It was true pampering and you loved every second of it. Usually there’s only one maiden to bathe you but five was divine. You assumed this was the treatment the Queen always received.

After you are properly cleaned, your Corellian tea is brought in and you’re left alone for as long as you like. You slowly sip on the purple shaded drink, waking up from it’s comforting properties. You sigh deeply, allowing the fragrant air to fill your lungs while you look out of the tall, narrow window in the center of the outside wall. You could not see the ocean from here, but instead the distant roofs of Keldabe. It was a beautiful summer day, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and you could hear the birds who have nested in the nooks and crannies of the towers chirping. You knew you had a long day ahead of you, and you wanted to try and enjoy it as much as you could. You never really enjoyed the social aspect of royalty, and that’s all today will be, but you’re ready to brave it head on.

An hour passes before you are finally dressed in the first gown of the day. Your hair is braided back so that it will have a desirable wave for the ball tonight. You are snuggly tied into the pearled bodice of the dress, and you run your hands up and down the beading, allowing it to tickle your soft palms.

Koska pulls open the door, and you’re expecting to see the Knight standing there stoically as always, but he isn’t. The hallway is completely empty, in fact, and you can’t ignore the dreadful feeling that overcomes your body. Where was he?

You clear your throat, and look back at Koska, who was adjusting the skirt of your gown as you walked.

“Where is he?” You ask, your voice hushed almost to a whisper but not quite. There were a million possibilities behind his absence and not a single one of them was ideal. Koska lifts up from her crouched position, smoothing the front pleats of her dress.

“What?” She asks and you sigh out of frustration, there was absolutely no way she didn’t know what you were talking about but you had to be vague because of all the ladies in waiting listening in.

“Who will be accompanying me to the garden?” You say with a forceful tone, trying to prod at a deeper meaning to the question.

Luckily, Lady Reeves picks up on it, and she looks behind you. You felt like she was avoiding eye-contact and it only made you more stressed and confused. “I’ll be escorting you, Highness.” She nodded, moving a step forward and then taking the lead down the corridor. You follow hesitantly, and wait until you are far enough down the hall from the other ladies back in your suite to speak again.

“Don’t horseshit me.” You mutter behind her. She keeps her chin up high as usual. “He’s in trouble, isn’t he.”

Koska doesn’t answer.

“Koska, you promised me he would be okay.” You try not to let the emotion show through your tone but that was a challenge. You felt guilty for some reason. If he was in trouble, it would be entirely your fault. The words shake in your throat and maybe it’s the tight corset and the fact that you are descending the stairs but you’re out of breath and it’s hot, so hot.

“He’s fine, I swear to the stars.” She whispers, saying it straight forward instead of turning back at you in an attempt to stay calm and unsuspecting to watchful eyes.

“Well then why didn’t you tell me that?” You ask, twiddling your thumbs.

“I couldn’t… there’s more to it but-“

“But what? What could be so secretive that you have to keep it from your future queen?” You say through gritted teeth and immediately after, Koska is spinning around on the staircase and looking up at you with a furrowed brow. You felt like you were being scolded by an impatient tutor despite the fact that you out-ranked her.

“You don’t even want to be the Queen.” She says in a whisper-shout, starting to sound as angry and emotional as you were just moments before.

“You’re right, I don’t-“ You bite back.

“So why are you here, then?”

You aren’t sure how to answer, the obvious answer is for Corellia. You were promised something in return for your ability to produce an heir and look like a porcelain figurine on a high shelf. But you also knew it would make your family happy, and your Kingdom. You would be making them proud by marrying so rich. You made a promise.

But now you think you’re starting to stay for an entirely different and unethical reason. Something that is inherently a trap and you know it, and yet here you are, fussing over it at every change you have.

Koska rolls her eyes and scoffs before continuing down the stairs.

“Who spit in your porridge this morning?” You reply.

“You did.” She groans in response.

“I’m sorry, but what did I ever do to you?” You ask when you complete the steps down and start down another corridor, one section of the massive palace closer to your destination.

Koska is the one not to answer this time.

It infuriates you that everyone is keeping secrets from you, your entire experience in Mandalore feels built on deception and being left-out. And now, the two people who finally seemed to be on your side aren’t with you in one way or another on such a big day. Koska is angry with you for no reason and you have no idea where your knight is.

The rest of the walk to the Gardens is silent, and before you know it, you are plopped down on an uncomfortable wicker chair in the hot sun, sipping on lukewarm lemon tea and wondering how much longer you have to suffer. Your mother and Bo were giggling about something, the rest of the court buzzing with conversation and ignoring you as always. Was it possible that you were the problem? You ask yourself this after another sip of the tea, a lemon slice bumping up against your upper lip a few times. As you think, you hold the dainty cup against your mouth, losing yourself in thought without realization. Your pretty eyes stare down at the green grass of the Garden. The grass never gets green back home.

You start subconsciously bouncing your leg as you thought to yourself. Everyone seemed to ignore expect for Korkie and your Knight— who both want to fuck you. Maybe that was the only desirable thing about you. This wasn’t the first time you felt insecure about the relationship you have developed with the Knight. He’s so quiet, so different from you. Were you falling for a trick?

Was he?

Tea must have gone by fast because just before the pearls of your dress start to burn against your arms from the heat exposure, you’re excusing yourself and wandering back inside.

“Strange girl.” One of the noble ladies says to Bo when you walk away. You don’t hear it, you can’t hear anything except for your deafening thoughts.

“Are you sure she’s the one for your nephew?” Another asks. If you had known your mother was silent for all of this in fear of losing her reputation or even the deal between Corellia and Mandalore, you would have been furious.

“Well his father was an outcast, too.” One chuckles. “I guess you Kyrze’s attract the wallflowers.” A few hummed in amused response.

“Well his father wasn’t just an outcast, he was a downright scandal-“

“My sister loved him, and that is all that matters.” Bo interrupts. The laughter quickly dies out.

“Don’t tell me you believe in love, too.” One laughs.

“You aren’t married, what could you know of love?” The same one bo interrupted says.

“I do believe in love, which is why I am not married.” The Queen reiterates. “And I don’t think she’s the right fit for my Nephew, she’s too… outspoken. He needs someone who won’t outshine him.” They chuckle again, all do but your mother, who is still meekly silent.

“Well with the engagement Ball tonight, it is far too late to back out now.” One teases, and the laughter only grows.

Bo-Katan stares in the direction you left.

You huff down the hall, your arms folded and neck sweaty from the heat. You are looking back and forth, studying the layout of the hall in search of something. You’re looking for the smallest idea of where the knight could be but you aren’t very successful.

While all the fully armored guards of the Mandalorian palace are dressed identically, you are almost certain you would be able to spot your boy in a crowd of a thousand of them. You aren’t sure why, but there is something different about him, something that sticks out from the rest. Somehow you two were connected, and it made it so he was always plaguing your mind, even when you are with your literal fiance. Even when you are far away from him and have no clue where he is for the first time in two weeks.

Separation Anxiety.

You aren’t watching where you’re going, which makes you run into a tall, lanky boy. You yelp out in apologetic surprise, looking up at the person blocking your stressed search. A blonde boy flips around to look at you and you’re half expecting to see Korkie but it isn’t.

His Cousin, Hugo, looks down at you with his same charming smirk as always.

“Princess!” He bows.

“My apologies, Hugo!” You exclaim.

“Oh please, you are perfectly fine. You looked distressed? I hope It was not something I did?”

“Of course not!” You reassure, awkwardly smiling. “Uh- may i ask what you were doing in the center of the corridor?”

He chuckles, “Admiring this art.” He nods to an expansive, framed oil painting on the wall. It was of a tall man with a long face and alarming smirk. What stuck out to you, however, was that he held in both hands the same black sword from the royal portraits upstairs by the war room.

“The art is beautiful here.” You smile.

“Yes, my Aunt Satine worked hard to make it culturally rich.”

“Did you know her?”

“Yes, I am a bit older than Korkie, and I knew her for several years before she passed.”

“Are you… second in line?”

“I am.” He says with a classic amused smirk.

“So maybe you can answer a question for me, then.” You ask as you look up at the art. “What in the world is that?” You ask in reference to the blade.

“That, my foreign Princess, is the Dark Sword of Mandalore.”

“The what?” You cluelessly ask.

“A sacred weapon that the rightful ruler possesses, it’s rather powerful.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it before.” You look up at it in awe.

“Hah, yes. It is made of pure obsidian. The white is enchanted quartz veins. It is practically invincible, an elven Mand’alor forged it when he was just a boy.”

“What? There were Mandalorians who were part elf?” You ask, your eyes peeling off of the art and onto your companion.

He looks at you almost confused, “There is much you do not know about my Kingdom?”

“No… I’m afraid not.” You shamefully admit.

“Most don’t,” He shrugs and returns to the conversation unbothered, “It’s history is rather complicated.”

The two of you were quiet for a long time. Your eyes were glued to the stern face of the man in the portrait. You wondered who he was. Hugo is the first to speak up.

“You played beautifully last night.” You doubted he didn’t notice the incorrect notes and mistakes you made several times, maybe he was just being polite by ignoring them. You turn to look at him and smile kindly.

“As did you.” You return the compliment. He looks at you, and you must have been distracted by something other than him because you weren’t aware that his eyes were darting between your eyes and your lips.

Hugo forces a kiss on you.

Just like how Korkie did a few weeks ago in the library. It’s fast because you angrily pull away just as fast as he placed it on you.

“What?” You say like an idiot, looking up at him in shock.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t feel it?” He gets defensive immediately. The worst part is that it wasn’t even that bad of a kiss, much softer than Korkies, but nowhere as tender as the kisses the Knight would lay on you in the water or behind a closed door. Your entire body seemed to seize up, and you couldn’t get any words out. Not any words that you wanted to say. You just looked up at him, vulnerable and confused. He leans down to do it again but you’re able to turn your head to the side, keeping his lips off of you.

“I am… in love with another man.” You say, clearing your throat.

“You and I both know that isn’t my cousin.”

No use denying it at this point, “yes, but I am still engaged to him. I cannot just be disloyal to the future Mand’alor.” You mutter, embarrassed but trying to keep your cool. You knew you were lying, because you weren’t staying loyal to Korkie. No, you were outright cheating on him and you were falling in love with the boy you were cheating with. You were falling in love. You were very exposed, after all. Anyone could turn the corner or look through the windows and see you. It was different this time, however. Usually hiding your kisses are exciting, but that was only with the Knight. “Please,” You voice betrays you, and the emotional shake is heard through your clenched jaw, “Excuse me.” You push passed him frustratedly, making sure to shove him over a little with your shoulder. You angrily walk back to your room, finally getting there without help for the first time.

When you turned down the Corridor to your suite, you were hoping to see the beskar-clad boy who held you last night, but he still wasn’t there. You hold back emotional tears, but not seeing the one who brings the most comfort to you makes you break. Two crystal tears roll down your cheeks.

You have been taken advantage of too many times in this forsaken castle.

You pull open the door, the golden afternoon light reflecting warmly off of the gold-leafed furniture and decorations is a stark contrast from the bleak hallway. Your bed has been made, and things have been tidied up since you were in here last. You flop onto the mattress, your arms stretched out from your sides, looking up at the sheer canopy above where you lay.

Two hours pass. You think you fell asleep but you cannot remember. If you did, no dreams were had.

Soniee opens your door with trepidation after two soft knocks, “Princess, It is time to prepare for the ball.” Her voice is so timid. You twist your head to look at her, the other ladies from this morning were behind her. Koska was not with them.

You sit up from the bed, rubbing a crook in your neck from how you were laying...

—

authors note (again): i know this isn’t the best chapter ending but ya know... IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE

Anyways..... see you tomorrow? i guess? haha

Taglist: @remmysbounty @snow30285 @what-iwish-you-knew @softly-sad @carbonated-beverage @frogllady @baileys-corner @song-of-sea-and-sky @leaiorganas @weirdowithnobeardo @ginger-swag-rapunzel @bewitchedbodyandsol l @mograh @justavolcano @theokatz @lowkeytesss @hallway5 @dat-girl-in-corner @news4bees @istealyof00d @songofcosplay @waffles4lif3 @mcueveryday @310ra @thatonedindjarinfan @songofseraphine @callmekane @theelilbritt @bbwithaknife @firstofficerwiggles @jedi-jesi @ironbabey @minttchipp @bel-ppa @honey-hi @cp11 @venomous-ko @bbwithaknife @lunatic-sunsets @1800-fight-me @foundtheavacados @elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey @florenceivy @theanothersherlockian @spideysimpossiblegirl @mandomistress @floraandfrost @paradoxpictures @stinky-child

“if you are included in the taglist, you are expected to interact with the post you are tagged in (ex. reblogs, comments and notes), if I notice that you are not interacting with the applicable post, you will be removed from the taglist”

—

part twelve

[theholycakehole]

Impulsive Decisions || Dream x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Pairing: Dream x GN! Reader

Warnings: None! Well its my first Dream fic and it hasn’t really been edited so maybe that should be a warning lol but mostly just fluff :) Also use of irl names, idk how Dream feels about that so please let me know if I should change it! :)

A/N: Heyyyy... Long time so see! Um... so here’s a dream fic! I am done my first year of uni now so if yall wanna start up some requests I can try and do that again? Probably will mostly be along the lines of the Dream SMP or maybe even other streamers since that’s what I’ve been interested in lately. My requests have never really closed, I’ve just been inactive, but I’ll try to start writing again!

It was a long night of shifting between games with friends and discord conversations. I combed my hair back as my eyes grew tired as the screen shifted to a victory for the imposters. I sighed leaning back in my chair seconds before I got the last kill of the game, earning Karl and me the win.

“Wow…” Rae spoke up as everyone began to unmute.

“S/N??” Sykkuno piped up from his side of the call. I let out a little tired laugh as I returned to the main lobby.

“I think that was LG for me guys,” I spoke out hearing a few pleas against it. “Sorry, I’ve been streaming for like…” I trailed off checking the time, 12:30, “6 hours now? I’m ready for bed, honestly.”

“I should probably do the same,” Dream spoke up, him being in the same timezone as me.

“You guys really should leave the east coast, PST is where it’s at.” Corpse mumbled as I opened back up my stream chat.

“I know, I know, but I can’t get myself to leave my hometown.” I laughed out as I skimmed over my chat reading the goodnight wishes and the thanks for streaming messages.

“Well, I live on the east coast and I’m fine to stay up.” Karl joked as I let out a yawn.

“Does anyone have any fills?” Toast asked. “If not we might have to end it here.”

“Toast aren’t you in the same time zone as me right now?” I asked out. “Go to bed.”

“I don’t need sleep, S/N.” He commented back.

“Ok fair.” I chuckled as my little character ran around the lobby before going to the computer and messing around with the skins and hats.

“Sorry guys, I think all my fills are done for the night.” Corpse explained to the lobby.

“Its no worries we can always play another time!” Rae reassured everyone. “Well, goodnight everyone!”

“Goodnight!” Everyone chimed before signing out of the call.

I muted myself and ended my stream, forgetting to leave the call. I thanked the donos and read chat, making tired comments. I answered a few questions I managed to catch in the chat before ending the stream. As I was about to leave discord I saw that Dream’s little icon was still in the call with me.

“Lurking much?” I joked as I unmuted my mic.

“I thought you were going to bed?” He remarked with a small laugh.

“Eventually, I just couldn’t use my brain anymore after that last game.”

“I don’t blame you, you played well, y/n.” Using my real name rather than my stream name clarified that he wasn’t streaming either. “If you’re not too tired, we can stay on the call if you want?”

“I’m down, honestly, I’m just winding down before bed.” I mentioned as I checked my phone, opening a few social media apps to catch up on what I missed since starting my stream.

“So, y/n when do you plan on visiting? Sap and I are still waiting for you to come down.” He questioned, causing me to look up from my phone, closing it before setting the device back down on my desk. His camera obviously was not on but I found my attention on his discord profile picture.

“Soon, Clay.” I laughed leaning back in my chair and tucking my legs up to my chest.

“You said that last time.” He laughed a little more tired this time.

“Flights can be expensive, especially so last minute.” I made an excuse as I looked over to my second monitor and found myself googling flights.

“I literally told you I’ll pay for your flight to Florida, y/n.” He teased as I hummed in response, my attention mostly on the travel website I was looking at.

“I’m a big girl Dreamwastaken, I can pay for my own flight.” I chuckled before closing the website.

“Y/n your classes are done now, you have all the time in the world, leave Canada and come visit, please?” I smiled at his question before letting out a yawn.

“Fuck it.”

“Wait really?” Clay piped up, shocked and excitement evident in his voice.

“You made a really convincing argument. When do you want me to visit?” I asked before re-opening the tab and looking at prices.

“Right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“Thats not happening Clay.” I laughed before finding a date and hovering over the purchase button. “How about the weekend? It gives me time to pack and get some things sorted.”

“Yes! Perfect! This is so exciting y/n!” He smiled, his voice raising a little bit which caused me to laugh. We sorted out the details and eventually booked the tickets and talked about how excited we were for me to come to Florida.

I’ve known Dream for a couple of years now, mostly through streaming with friends. Obviously, I knew of him before because of the Dream SMP and how popular it got. But through the years we have grown close, this even confused fans. Shipping was natural and happened quite frequently, which we ignored in the beginning, but as time passed feelings began to grow. We never talked about it but the flirting and the comments we’d share both on stream and off-stream just felt so right.

We were both faceless content creators, and being this close was quite strange as we have never met or let alone seen each other in person. As I packed my clothes a couple of days later I felt the nerves settle in. I shook off the panic of what if he doesn’t like me or think I’m attractive enough. But it was hard to shake.

I found myself jittery as the plane began to descend. I peered out the window looking at the ground as it grew closer and closer. The nerves grew more and more intense as I knew Dream was the closest he’s been to me since we first met. I felt myself smiling through the panic as I reached to grab my backpack under the seat in front of me.

When we finally were able to disembark the plane I quickly texted Clay that I was here and told him that I was wearing a f/c hoodie so they could find me. I tried to find the baggage claim as I followed the people who were on the same flight as me. My phone buzzed in my pocket telling me that Clay responded.

‘Sap and I just pulled in, see you soon!’

I smiled at his text message and the nerves went crazy, but a huge smile was on my face at the same time. I opened Twitter and quickly started a new tweet to show my audience that I was on, in fact, a last-minute trip. I attached a picture I snuck as I disembarked the plane and made a quick caption before posting and pocketing my phone.

My phone began to buzz from notifications as I plugged in my earbuds and played my music while I tried to locate myself through the airport. As I finally found the baggage claim I stood by one of the conveyor belts and scanned over the luggage trying to find my own. A couple of minutes passed before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quickly turned around, pulling out my earbuds to see the face of one of my streamer friends.

“Y/n?”

“Sapnap!” I smiled before pulling him in for a hug.

“Hey, how was the flight?” He asked as we pulled apart and stood waiting for my luggage.

“Long enough, I’m just excited I’m here now.” I smiled as I pocketed my phone after wrapping the wires from my earbuds around it.

“Trust me, so are we.” He smiled in return. I saw my suitcase and quickly went to grab it, Sapnap helping me as well. “Clay is in the car, we were struggling to find a parking spot so he pulled up and is waiting for us.” He informed me as he took my suitcase and helped me wheel it out. “He’s nervous.” He mentioned as we grew closer to the doors.

“Trust me, so am I. Other than people in my everyday life, you two are the first to see me in person, or even my face.” I said as I fidgetted with the strings of my hoodie.

“You’re in good hands, y/n, try not to worry.” He smiled softly at me.

We exited through the doors to see a vehicle parked up to the curb. I felt the nerves build up in my stomach as a head of ashy blonde hair exit the car door. A smile found its way onto my face as my eyes lit up. As the man walked around the car he stopped in his tracks and replicated the same, bright smile, green eyes lighting up. I stopped everything and bolted forward pulling Clay into a tight hug.

“You’re finally here.” He muttered into my h/c hair, pulling me in tighter.

“I’m finally here.” I smiled into his green sweatshirt, feeling at ease.

[silhouetteofacedar]

When We Drive, Ch. 7: Domestic Disputes, a Highway Reverie, and Nachos

Previous Chapter - AO3 - MSR, rated M

Interstate 15, San Diego County, California

3:02 PM PST

March 1, 1999

Scully is mad at him.

She’s stiff in the passenger seat of their stupid undercover minivan, fiddling with a loose thread on her robin’s egg blue sweater set. She looks beautiful in that color, and he almost wants to tell her, but her mood is so sour that he does’t feel like it. She’d probably just snap at him again.

He got to spend six days being fake-married to Scully, and not once did they get to enjoy any of the perks of the arrangement. It was a long shot, but Mulder is nothing if not a believer in improbable odds. They spent all of one night in the same bed, but Scully banished Mulder to the couch the next morning after he casually mentioned the fact that she snored. She’d insisted it was allergies due to the premature springlike weather in Southern California, but if it bothered him so goddamn much, he was welcome to take the sofa in the living room from then on.

It was all downhill from there.

“I can feel you thinking,” he says, squinting against the glare of the sun bouncing off the bleached concrete of the highway. They’re in a dense block of traffic, inching along under a parched blue sky.

“Hmph,” she replies.

“You’ve been acting kinda prickly lately-”

“Oh have I,” she states, sour amusement in her voice.

“-And I was hesitant to ask you about it while we were on a case, but now that it’s wrapped up… are you okay?”

She lets out a sharp, humorless laugh. “I’m fine. I’m always fine, Mulder, haven’t you heard?”

God, she’s spoiling for a fight, and he’s not sure he has the energy for it right now. “Sorry I asked,” he mutters.

“Not a mistake you’ll make twice,” Scully says under her breath, and he feels heat spike up his back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he retorts, and he can practically feel the rotation of her eyes in their sockets.

“Do you really want to get into this now?” she asks.

Mulder flings a hand out, gesturing to the vehicles surrounding them. “We’re in a frankly spectacular traffic jam,” he says, “Might as well make use of the time. You have, quite literally, a captive audience.”

She sighs, suddenly sounding tired. “Jesus, are we that pathetic, Mulder? We can’t have an honest conversation unless we’re forced, or under circumstances we can’t easily escape.”

He doesn’t respond, just scratches his bicep under the cuff of his itchy pastel polo shirt and waits for her to gather her words. He knows Scully’s patterns by now, and gives her a tried-and-true nineteen seconds of silence before she continues.

Right on time. “I feel… I feel that lately, there’s an imbalance between us. As partners,” she says. “Maybe it’s always been this way, and I just never took notice of it; but I am acutely aware now that things aren’t right.”

“What things, exactly?” Mulder asks, his tone carefully neutral.

“It’s a matter of trust,” Scully clarifies.

“I trust you,” he says earnestly. He can see Scully’s lips tighten into a thin line.

“It’s not you trusting me,” she says softly. “It’s me wondering if I can trust you. Wondering if you’ll trust the wrong people, and endanger us both.”

Here we go again, he thinks. “Is this about Diana? Scully, I don’t understand. This case had nothing to do with her; she is literally thousands of miles away, and you’re still letting her influence you.”

As soon as he said the words he wanted to scoop them up and shove them back down his own throat. The irritation coming off of Scully has heated up to full-blown anger, and he braces himself for a collision.

“Letting her influence me? Are you fucking serious, Mulder? She’s been leading you around like a dog on a leash, despite information that multiple sources have provided you-”

“It’s not that simple, Scully,” he counters weakly.

“Of course it’s not. Because it’s personal,” she says, and he feels the words stick in his chest like a dart.

“Scully-” he begins, but she holds out a hand to stop him.

“Don’t you dare,” she says in a tight whisper, “Try to pin that shit on me. After all we’ve been through, after - after things we almost did, I thought…” She shakes her head, abandons her sentence. “Don’t insult me, Mulder.”

Things we almost did?

A cold sweat breaks over his skin, and he’s not in the car; he’s in the hallway outside his apartment door, her face in his hands, warm breath mingling between them. He’s curled up in her arms on the spongy forest floor somewhere in the depths of Florida, lulled to sleep by her soft raspy voice. He’s waking up next to her in a scant full bed in Kroner, Kansas, an arm flung across her waist in sleep; pulling her in closer because he can, just this once.

He told her in Bermuda, and she thought he was just high on painkillers. He dug her out of the ice in Antarctica, pulled a tube out of her throat, restarted her heart and filled her lungs with his own breath.

After everything she’s seen, how can she still not believe?

The car behind them honks frantically.

“Mulder, we’re moving again,” Scully prompts him.

He shakes himself out of his daze and steps on the gas. “I don’t know what to say, Scully,” he says softly. “But I don’t want us to go on like this. I agree with you, about things not being right. But I’m too tired to tally up our transgressions against each other, and I’m pretty sure my pile of wrongdoings in this partnership dwarfs yours.”

“That’s just it,” Scully says. “I don’t want to measure, and I certainly don’t want you to flay yourself on my behalf, Mulder. It’s not helpful.”

“Then what do you want?” he asks, glancing at her. “I don’t mean that in a combative way. I’m genuinely asking.”

“Just… hear me,” she says, voice thin and tired. “Please just hear me. Have my back. Be my partner. That’s all.”

Mulder reaches out and lays a hand on hers, squeezing so gently he barely feels it himself. His hands return to the steering wheel a second later, and the moment passes by like a roadside landmark at seventy miles per hour.

“You want Taco Bell?” Mulder asks, gesturing to the next offramp. “Nachos BellGrande, on me.”

“Taco Bell isn’t real food,” Scully points out. “I’m honestly surprised you don’t have an X-File dedicated to the chain.”

“I don’t yet,” Mulder replies, hazarding a grin at her.

They stop anyway.

[izzabeean]

Chapter 10 : Restraint

SUMMARY

You’re very upset after Oikawa sustained injuries from his fight with Oikawa, it almost feels like it’s your fault at this point. You wonder if he blames you for it and hopes there’s a way you can make it up to him.

pairing : ushjima x f!reader / oikawa x f!reader / iwaizumi x f!reader

genre : angst + fluff

word count : 3,099

content : profanity, depiction of injuries

tags :  alternate universe - college/university, post-break up, friends to lovers, pining, slow burn

a/n : hello! sorry for the late chapter, I am moving my publish days to Sunday evenings PST time.

this chapter is a little slow but I am wanting to convey Oikawa's feelings/perspective a little more and hope it isn't too confusing in my writing. please enjoy and Chapter 11 should be up by next Sunday. thanks!!

masterlist

<< prev |  ch . 10 | next >>

Last night's misfortune only carried forward onto the next day. This immense guilt protruded through you making sitting in class much more unbearable. And having Oikawa sitting beside you didn’t make it any better as you eye his bruised knuckles in your peripheral; an unforgivable reminder that your ex-boyfriend caused his pain.

Yet, Oikawa still got plenty of attention from his admirers, in fact, you could say he got more. Girls were bombarding him more than usual to find out what transpired, but Oikawa didn’t spare anyone the dirty details and just redirected the conversation to distract them with a coy compliment or flirtatious gesture completely derailing the previous subject matter.

Of all the people in the universe, you never expected Oikawa to be the one to throw a punch at Ushijima. Frankly, you thought his hatred was all talk, another form of teasing to push you and get under your skin. You always brushed off his banter, figuring he didn’t really mean much by it, but after last night, you knew there was more as to why Oikawa didn’t like Ushijima.

You feel like an idiot for never asking, but also for ignoring his warnings. Perhaps this was some kind of punishment for not taking his opinion into account. If you didn’t date Ushijima, Oikawa wouldn’t have ever gotten hurt, you wouldn’t have to deal with a break-up, and you might’ve been in a happier healthier place.

In reality, you were scared asking would open more unresolved doors. And you didn’t know if you wanted to accept any more surprises about Ushijima. It’s terrifying to think that the man you once knew is not the man you knew at all.

The lights of the classroom dimmed as a clip projects at the front of the classroom in regards to today’s lesson, but god knows what it is about. You couldn't pay attention. This feeling of regret lodges in your throat from all the what if’s . But you know all you can do now is find a way to make it up to him…

Oikawa nudges you with his elbow and leans in closer to whisper, “You okay? You seem a bit out of it.”

The feeling of his breath tickles, raising the hairs on your arms. You release your clenched jaw and take a deep breath in, in an attempt to erase the brooding expression on your face then turn to Oikawa. It’s hard to look at him without a sense of anguish filling your chest. Perhaps, your thoughts are filling a narrative only you can imagine and Oikawa doesn’t think any of it is your fault.

“I’m fine,” you regress hoping that he drops it.

But ‘fine’ doesn’t actually mean the dictionary definition of fine. Oikawa knows that. He’s had his fair share of “fines” from girls when they say there are and obviously they’re not. And it wasn’t like he didn’t know what was bothering you. Your eyes would linger every time you looked at him focusing on his bandaged up cheek and for the majority of the class, he could see you staring at his hand. You weren’t very good at hiding your guilt.

With that, he does the only thing he can think of to cheer you up. He takes your pen.

Anticipating a big reaction from you, he waves it away sending you a smirk, but when you continue to sit there eyes illuminated by the faint light from the screen at the center of the room, he pauses. The same tension from last night takes him by surprise. He longs to make things right, to make you happier than you were before. But the image of your smile beaming at Iwaizumi reminds him that he can’t do that. No matter how hard he tries to make you happy, he can’t be Iwaizumi.

Class ends and you begin packing up your things. You still haven’t uttered a word as you keep your eyes locked onto your bag unable to look up at Oikawa.

“Oikawa,” a voice mumbles. A tall brunette girl stands in front of him clasping her hands on the hem of her shirt. “Can I talk to you about something?”

You recognize her. She’s normally seated near the front of the classroom and always has the front pieces of her hair tied back. You never spoke to her but knew she was more of the soft-spoken type that always eyed you and Oikawa entering the room.

“Sure,” he replies, as they walk away to the edge of the room out of earshot.

It becomes apparent at that moment when you watch the interaction between them that she's probably going to confess to him. You can see the nerves in her body language as she caves her chest in and darts her eyes away from Oikawa. Truthfully, you always waited for this day to come and wondered if Oikawa would give her a chance. She’s cute and seems like his type.

Now that you think about it, what is even Oikawa’s type? You’ve always envisioned him with someone well dressed and always put together with sharp features that accentuate her beauty. Someone kind-hearted and gentle, the exact opposite of him. Someone like… Her.

Oikawa stands with his hand on the sling of his bag with his back to you. You can’t see his expressions but can tell he’s instinctively listening as he nods his head. The girl's face grows flush after her rambling comes to a halt and you can tell she’s holding her breath waiting for the answer. You catch yourself doing the same thing as Oikawa speaks. But the girl's demeanor changes from hopeful excitement to stone-faced disappointment. Still, she forces a small smile while Oikawa gives her a small bow before turning to walk to you. She rushes out of the classroom as soon as Oikawa’s back faces her and your stomach drops.

You don’t know the girl, but can’t help but empathize. Not long ago were you on the receiving end of rejection.

“Let’s go,” he says, gesturing to you to hurry up.

You’re still paused in place from watching and close your bag to swing in onto your back following Oikawa out of the classroom. You look around to see if the girl is still in the vicinity but can be seen nowhere in plain sight.

“Why didn’t you say yes?” you ask, finally speaking up.

Oikawa hesitates, uncertain how to answer. He’s never really been interested in any of these girls that ask him out, they're always people he’s never talked to, only seen around.

“Didn’t really know her,” he answers.

“But I see her all the time in class. She literally gawks at you whenever you enter the room. Have you never noticed?”

He did notice but didn’t care enough to talk to her. Honestly, he was over the endless amounts of shallow conversations he had with girls from his high school days.

“Ah, is someone a little jealous,” he teases.

“Jealous? What is there to be jealous about, I’m with you all the time now. I’m kind of getting sick of you,” you grin.

“Ouch, hurtful!” he frowns.

“You didn’t even think she’s cute?” you pester.

He did, but he didn’t want to admit it.

Sure, it’s a great ego booster to have all these girls fawn over him and it never hurt anyone… But only in one encounter would he have probably said yes to someone he just met.

------

The temperature is cold and clammy, as the rain pours when Oikawa walks out of the university building. Hoisting up an umbrella, he prepares to step out into the storm but gets distracted when he sees you sitting off to the side.

You’re hunched over the steps with your backpack sitting next to you, looking out at the dreary weather. There’s no hood on your coat, no umbrella by your side and he can’t help but notice the pouty look on your lovely face. You looked annoyed. But in a cute way, he’s never seen before. As if you were just waiting for someone to save you.

“Someone a little stuck?” he asks.

You turn to look at him. It was almost unbearable how gorgeous you are. Suddenly a wave of nerves crashes through him before you speak.

“It should let up soon,” you reply, returning to watch the droplets plunking onto the concrete.

There’s no way in hell the rain was going to stop anytime soon with this miserable downpour. Plus it’s getting late and soon will be dark, he couldn’t let you stay alone.

He clears his throat, walks up closer to you, and puts the umbrella over you. “Is that some way to tell me you have a boyfriend?”

“Maybe it was just a way to get rid of you,” you smirk, voice laced in irritation. “Did it work?”

Oikawa raises his eyebrow and grins at you, slightly turned on by your hostile response, something he wasn’t used to hearing from girls.

“No,” he flirts, drinking you up with his eyes.

The pitter-patter of the rain fills up the silence and a warm comfort makes him feel that you will soon no longer be strangers.

------

He bites his lip reminding himself of the opportunity he lost, though he was very afraid to ruin your friendship and figured, in time, you would come around. Yet, it wasn’t to him, but to Ushijima. And once again, you’ve found someone of another caliber that wasn’t him. Maybe he needed to move on, but having you around living with him made things so much harder.

“Y/N, the kind of attention I get from the girls is because I’m single,” he continues. “If I get a girlfriend, it could ruin my image.”

You know he’s joking but roll your eyes anyway without sparing him a glance. He’s always been this way since you’ve known him. And even when you first met you could tell he was trouble. When you first met him, you could feel his presence by the shift in the air even before he announced himself. There was always something special about Oikawa. You just couldn’t put your finger on what it was exactly.

“You want to go to that coffee shop we always use to go to? We haven’t been there in ages,” you say, trying to change the subject. “It’s my treat.”

“Wow, are you asking me out?” Oikawa jokes cheekily while fixing his hair. “If I knew this was a date, I probably would’ve dressed more appropriately.”

“This isn’t a date Shittykawa! Just a thank you for…” you look down at his hand. “Plus you’re not my type.”

“What! I’m everyone’s type, Y/N. Just look at me.”

“Mmm, no,” you reply, taking one good look at him.

“So mean, Y/N-chan!

No, he couldn’t possibly destroy your friendship to confess his unrequited love. Everything seemed so much simpler this way.

------

It’s been a while since you last sat down at the coffee shop. Although it was within walking distance from campus, you stopped going as often as you used to when you started dating Ushijima. It had a more industrial feeling to it and less cozy than you remember.

Nonetheless, you order the drinks while Oikawa takes a seat at a table beside the large window looking out to the street. You send him a thumbs up while waiting by the bar and he sends you one back feeling extremely silly upon replicating it. But he doesn’t care because you giggle before turning back to collect the order.

With two drinks in hand, you set them down at the table.

“Hold on, I ordered another,” you interrupt before Oikawa can even utter thanks.

When you return, you sit down placing the third drink to the side of the table.

“Y/N, I’m flattered but you don’t need to buy--”

“Oh, it’s for Iwaizumi,” you cut in. “I told him to meet up with us.”

Oikawa pauses, crossing his arms. “You have his number?”

“Yeah, we exchanged it after that creep bothered me.”

Oikawa is quiet and furrows his eyebrows at you from across the table, trying to give you his best scowl despite the fact that you clearly know what he’s sour about.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you grumble.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies.

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” you argue.

Your words feel harsh and Oikawa attempts to swallow his words but instead, they slip out through the tip of his tongue.

“He’s leaving soon…”

"What?" you rasp, a lump starts to form in your throat. Damn Oikawa. Of course, he’s a lot of things, but you didn’t think he’d take his teasing this far. "You’re joking, right?"

“I forgot to tell you… He’s only been here for a week, then he goes back to California soon.”

“Why California?”

If you hadn’t already practiced pushing down your feelings since the break-up, you were sure that you would’ve broken down at that moment. Enough surprises have surfaced to the point the devastating news didn’t circle you into this impending doom. No, all your hope in fate plummeted.

“He goes to school out there. So I wouldn’t get too close,” Oikawa mutters while taking a sip of his drink.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s obvious, you have a crush on him, I’m not stupid.”

You shudder at his words, recognizing that your crush on Iwaizumi is obvious to the point that Oikawa notices it. I mean, you did kiss the guy in front of him, but you thought at this point you were just dreaming since no one has brought it up.

“I don’t--”

“I mean, why else would you kiss him,” he interrupts. “To piss Ushijima off?"

Well duh, you think. That was basically what you were wanting to do. Make him realize you're better off without him and maybe deceive him a bit in regards to why life is just so much better.

However, you couldn't persuade yourself to actually say it. You already gave away too much and know if you say anything more it will just give Oikawa more ammunition to tease you.

"If you really wanted to piss him off, you would’ve kissed me,” he continues.

Suddenly your heart thumps and pupils constrict at the comment. The tension twists in the room and you swallow hard as the pressure to say something wells up in your chest.

Why did he just say that? Is this a joke?

And perhaps it was confusion mixed with fatigue from a long stressful day but you couldn't suppress the frustration that wells up inside. It wasn't funny to you. None of this was funny. You were serious.

“Not likely," you hiss. "Why don't you try being in the same room as your lying ex with their new partner and tell me, Oikawa, what would you do?"

He stiffens at the tone of your voice. He's not used to you calling him by his last name, it's only when you're really mad. Oikawa opens his mouth to say something but remains quiet. He doesn’t quite know what to say as you’re visibly upset. He fucked up.

He looks at you, you won’t make any eye contact with him as you look off to the side. Your fingers are wrapped around the hot cup of coffee, probably to warm your hands up because they’re always so cold. You’re wearing his favorite sweater, it’s his favorite because you always look so good in it-- not that you don’t always look good-- but when you wear this particular sweater it makes him happy.

“How’s your wrist?” he asks, casually to break the tension.

“It’s fine,” you reassure, still put off by him.

“Can I see it?”

Oikawa reaches out his hand to which you recoil pulling it away from your cup and onto your lap out of his sight.

“Please,” he pleads.

You blink at words as he gazes at you with his puppy-eyes. Surely he didn’t mean what he said and you were just being sensitive, and it was very, very hard for you to stay mad at him. But you still hesitate as you rest your hand on the table and roll up your sleeve enough to see the bruising. Oikawa analyzes it then gently grazes his fingertips over your wrist. Your heart pounds against your chest at his tender touch.

“Does that hurt?”

“No.”

You gulp quietly, surprised by the change in dynamic. Your anger suddenly dissipates and an unexplained warmth cascades through your body like a breath of fresh air. Your eyes frantically search for an answer to why you’re feeling this way, but before you can you’re interrupted.

“Yo--”

You both look up to see Iwaizumi loom over you both. You feel your cheeks burn up like you’re caught in the act of something scandalous and your guilt sinks in on you.

“Oh, hi Iwa,” you manage to mutter. Suddenly you don’t feel Oikawa’s touch anymore. You look back to see him pull back with a smile on his face gazing at Iwaizumi.

"Iwa-chan, Y/N got you a drink," Oikawa smirks, sliding the drink towards him.

Iwaizumi's eyes shift to you and suddenly goosebumps form on your arms. His stare is always so intense but not in a bad way, more like you want to melt into a puddle. And you almost do, when he thanks you for the drink.

In the midst of your one-sided moment, your phone rings. Excusing yourself, you walk outside to take the call to which it's your landlord announcing your apartment is almost fixed. Excitement fills your chest as you think about moving back in and having your own space again. But there's also this painful feeling from when Oikawa revealed that Iwaizumi is only temporarily here. It makes you sick to know what you thought was fate actually wasn't at all.

It makes your kiss ever more embarrassing as you know feelings can't be reciprocated at all. You wish you'd known sooner and don't understand why you didn't see this happening.

Walking back inside the cafe, you notice Iwaizumi sitting beside Oikawa. You sat down across from both of them and it almost felt you were on trial as they stared at you.

"Who called?" Oikawa asks.

"Oh, my landlord said my place is almost ready and that I can swing by to see it."

"When?" Oikawa

"I was thinking maybe some time tonight," you say.

"Want us to go with you?" Iwaizumi offers.

"Th-- that would be great.”

[cinnaminsvga]

🌸 social media au where y/n posts a fake boyfriend application on twitter as a dare but ends up seeking something real in the long run (aka how to fall in love the zillennial way) 🌸

A/N: Well, this update kicked me in the proverbial nuts! All I gotta say is... good luck to my Yoongi stans out there... You’re kinda gonna need it ;-; || W.C. 2.2K

prev // part 31 of ? // next masterlist here.

[updates every 6PM PST]

August 22, 2020 — 9:39PM

When you exit the taxi, the cold night air causes goosebumps to form across your arms. You pay the driver without looking behind you, shutting the door with the back of your foot as you take in the familiar surroundings. You’ve been to this apartment complex more times than you can count; you’ve crashed on your friends’ couch so many times that it’s become a second bed to you at this point, especially with how often all five of you love to drink the night away. In many ways, this place has become a safe haven for you.

Normally, you would let yourself into their apartment without needing to knock or text in advance. After many years of coming over, you even have your own set of keys, graciously gifted to you by Park Jimin after you found yourself locked out of your own home for the fifth time in one week after Jungkook kept taking your keys by accident. They don’t even answer the door when you knock anymore; they always assume you’ll just barrel in whenever you please, usually with takeout bags and caffeine-laden drinks in hand for impromptu study sessions or video game nights.

But tonight is not one of those nights. This time, Min Yoongi stands waiting for you by the entrance, sitting on the concrete steps in his worn gray hoodie and sweatpants. He looks cold, judging from his pink nose and shivering body, like he’s been waiting outside for at least a few minutes. His dark, inky hair is standing up in all directions, a sign that he must have just woken up from a nap before coming down to meet you. He notices your arrival mid-yawn, his eyebrows shooting up comically as he scrambles to his feet. He rushes towards you, stopping just before the gate that separates the two of you.

“Yoongi,” you breathe out, puffs of white air leaving your lips and dissipating into the night sky. The sight of him alone makes your eyes burn with unshed tears, just aching to fall. He notices immediately, judging by the way his brow crumples with worry.

In an instant, he rips the gate open, giving you no opportunity to say anything else before he pulls you into a bear hug. You gasp in surprise, inhaling sharply and getting a whiff of a scent that you can only describe as wholly Yoongi. It’s comforting, clean, and cozy: everything that encapsulates Yoongi’s whole being.

“I’m sorry,” you say. You don’t know what you’re apologizing for exactly—for interrupting his evening? For making him wait in the cold? For shedding tears on his clothes? For asking for comfort when you didn’t deserve it? Your mind is too tired to wonder which of these things weighs the heaviest amongst your mistakes.

Yoongi hushes you softly, his hand carding through your hair as he rocks you slowly. He presses your face closer to his chest, not chastising you for crying like you thought he would. He only whispers gentle nothings into your ears, the words meaning nothing and everything all at once. “It’s okay,” he repeats over and over again. He says them until the words start to blur, until they make a home inside your heart. Until you almost believe them.

Almost.

You do not know how long it takes for you to run out of tears, how long you stand in silence. All you know is that your frozen hands have grown numb around the straps of your overnight bag, so much so that it takes a second for Yoongi to unfurl your fingers and take the bag away from you. He reaches for your hand with his free one, gently leading up to the apartment without another word.

The world feels cold and still, your muffled footsteps on the carpeted floor the only sounds that keep you grounded to reality. The doors of neighboring apartments start to shift and blur, causing the shadows on the wall to morph like ghosts from the corner of your eye. Yoongi’s apartment is dark when you both enter, no signs of his other two roommates being home even this late at night.

“Jimin left to go to a PC bang. Taehyung hasn’t returned home since I kicked him out this afternoon,” Yoongi says, answering your unspoken question. You turn your head towards him in surprise, not expecting the latter part of his statement.

“You kicked him out? Why?”

“It’s… complicated,” he sighs, aggravated. He gazes at you wearily, and it’s only then that you notice the deep bags lining his eyes like purple moons. The moonlight streaming from their open window casts shadows upon his face, emphasizing the sunkenness of his cheeks. The guilt in your throat builds up, tenfold. You’re disturbing him with your silly little love problems, aren’t you? He already has so much work to do and you’re here, crying over something that you should have known ages ago. You’re acting childish. Coming here was a mistake.

“Don’t give me that look,” Yoongi interrupts your thoughts, squeezing your hand. You had almost forgotten he was still holding you, but the reminder tethers you. His touch lets you know that you are not alone, that he is there because he wants to be. “I know you’re worrying again. You’re not a nuisance. You’re not a bother. I’m your friend, and I care about you. Will you let me care for you? Just this once?”

Your heart, which has felt heavy in your chest ever since this afternoon, lightens ever so slightly. It allows you to force a little smile on your face, but you doubt its of any use, not with the tear tracks evident on your skin. But it’s a start.

“You can use my bathroom to get changed. Do you need some clothes?” he asks, but you shake your head at his offer. As much as you enjoyed wearing his comfortable sweaters, you did still have some clothes that you hadn’t worn in Ilsan. It almost pains you to see them still unworn in your bag, but that’s just you being ridiculous, isn’t it? You chose to leave, after all. He had told you it was the right thing to do, and at the time, you thought he was right.

You shuffle into Yoongi’s bathroom, staring at your reflection with red eyes and teeth-worn lips. Your reflection stares back, undeterred. You find no answers to your misery, so you stop looking and let all your thoughts flow down the drain. Being empty, after all, is better.

You go about your nightly routine with robotic grace, scrubbing and brushing with numbness. No amount of water can wash away the tiredness on your face, and so you give up. You quietly make your way out of the bathroom, peeking inside his bedroom to check if Yoongi had gone back to bed.

Instead, you find him sitting in front of his desk, his laptop closed and phone locked beside him. Trancelike, he stares listlessly at the wall with his fingernails in his mouth, an old habit that he has yet to break, but it only means that he’s deep in thought.

You clear your throat, breaking him from his stupor. “Can I borrow a pillow for the couch?” you ask timidly, the question you really want to ask just barely dangling from the tip of your tongue. Yoongi regards you for a moment, unmoving save for the slow rise and fall of his chest.

“Do you want to be alone?” He answers your question with his own, gaze heavy upon your skin. He asks you that, but you know what he’s truly asking: Do you want to stay with me?

Like always, Yoongi always did have a penchant for knowing the true color of your heart, a skill you sometimes wished he didn’t have. You felt vulnerable around him, but rarely in a bad way. It never felt like he was intruding or meddling; it was always good and warm. To be known without the need to defend yourself.

“No, I don’t want to be alone,” you say, a simple truth. He nods in understanding, standing up from his chair and heads towards his bed, slipping under the rumpled blankets. He stares at you from underneath his covers, his hand patting the empty space beside him with a small smile.

“Then you don’t have to be alone,” he responds, another simple truth. You take the few short steps to reach his bed, climbing onto his bed and placing yourself as close to the edge as possible. Yoongi rolls his eyes, waving his hand haphazardly as he gestures for you to come closer.

“Are you really going to start getting shy with me? After you literally confessed you had a crush on me just an hour ago?” he teases, but his tone is tender. He grins his gummy smile when you cover your face in embarrassment, distracting you long enough to pull you gently towards him.

“I hate you,” you say. You don’t.

“I know,” he replies. He wraps an arm around your waist, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “Do you want to talk?”

Your breathing grows shaky, your hands automatically grabbing fistfuls of his hoodie as you force yourself not to cry again. The simple truth is this: you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t want to think, you don’t want to be in pain right now. But you are, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You feel like crawling inside yourself and never coming out again.

So instead, you tell him, “I had a good weekend. I really did.”

Yoongi hums sadly. “I know.”

“It was really good. I had so much fun with Namjoon,” you say. You sniffle a bit, but the tears don’t fall.

“I know.”

“Meeting his parents, going around town, eating everything I could ever want… It felt so good to just be with someone without wondering if they liked me back or not, without second-guessing every little thing. Because just being together was… enough. It didn’t matter that it was fake because it still felt real in a weird way. I didn’t have to pretend or hide my emotions around him.”

“I know.”

“But even then, I couldn’t help but think,” your breath hitches, and you clench your eyes shut until you see stars behind your eyelids. “I couldn’t help but think… that this weekend would end badly, one way or another. And maybe I was just destined to have every good thing in my life snatched away.”

“I know you think that, even though it’s not true,” Yoongi says. He holds you tighter, tucking your hair behind your ears.

“Even then, why is it every time I’m just beginning to think that I can be happy, something always comes along the way to mess it all up? I was perfectly fine before all of this happened. Everything just went to shit the moment I started wanting more, when I started becoming selfish,” you say. You tilt your head upwards, forcing yourself to look at Yoongi and his sad eyes. “Everyone keeps telling me that I deserve to be happy, that I deserve to love myself. But is it bad that I want someone to love me too? Is it bad that my happiness lies with that desire?”

But for once, Yoongi doesn’t have a straight answer. He carefully loosens your grip around his hoodie, clasping your hands in his own just like before. He rubs circles into the back of your hand, before placing them over his heart. “Do you feel that?” he asks.

You nod your head, not fully understanding.

“This is a heart that loves you,” he explains, voice low but honest.

“But that’s… that’s not the same as…” you trail off. It’s not the same as Jungkook. Or Namjoon. Or…

He continues, “In the PC bang across the street, there is a heart that loves you. Somewhere else in Seoul, there are two hearts that love you. In Ilsan, there is another heart that loves you. But even then, I know it’s not quite the way you want it.”

“It’s because I’m selfish,” you say, ashamed.

“It’s because you know you’re allowed to want more,” he corrects kindly, wiping away a stray tear. “It’s not always a bad thing, you know.”

You laugh, the sound warbled even to your own ears. “I know,” you say. You watch as Yoongi’s eyes begin to droop, the fatigue from today weighing heavily on him. You feel as though you should be the same, but sleep evades you that night. “You know, if I wasn’t already emotionally fucked up right now, you could’ve made me fall in love with you again tonight.”

Yoongi closes his eyes, a small smile on his lips. “Is it working?” he mutters, words slurring slightly as he begins to drift off.

You answer him, but it falls on deaf ears. He falls asleep with you still in his arms, keeping you safe. It’s his presence that gives you the courage to respond to the texts you receive later that night, filled with one last burst of hope that maybe, just maybe, you could find happiness elsewhere.

[datgurlevie]

Chapter 5 is hot and fresh on AO3! Please check it out if you’re into a Salim x female OC fic! :))

Plot Summary:

Aria Chang, a 30-year-old General Major of the USMC Force Reconnaissance and a human weapon of war, is sent to investigate the suspected chemical weapons at Target LZ. But once foundations start crumbling (literally), she is forced to fight for her life against the vampiric creatures of the underground that were out for cold blood.

In the ominous underground, she encounters Iraqi soldier Salim Othman and is compelled to make a strained alliance with him if they are to all survive the House of Ashes. After being honed to kill any enemies on sight for many years, Aria must learn to cooperate with the opposition no matter the uniform they donned.

But what happens when bonds start to form, lust begins to grow, and secrets come to the light? How will their American weapon of war deal with the lurking demons that not only creep in the shadows but those that begin to grow in her head?

Together with Eric, Rachel, Nick and Jason, they must not only face their inner demons as they enter the temple doors but also be prepared to atone for their sins if they were to escape the underground.

Weekly Updates: Every Sunday 2:00pm PST/ 10:00pm GMT

Chapter 5 Sneak Peek:

“Don’t even think about makin' a damn move, Iraqi.”

The tight rope painfully strained against his tensed wrist as a spark of annoyance shot through Salim when the American - Jason - repeated that sentence to him once more.

He was usually a calm man, even during stressful times in war, however, he could not help but give an exaggerated eye roll at the man’s statement. He expected the Americans to be somewhat disagreeable with teaming up to defeat the vampires, but he did not expect them to be this stubborn in refusing to put their fraught history and preconceptions aside.

Salim thought that the only soldier that showed some promise in placing their beliefs aside, for now, was the Major General, Aria. Even if they did not have the best first impressions of each other, she still resentfully helped him take out the demon.

Reflecting back on their conversation after their victory over the monster, he was pleasantly shocked that Aria showed some sort of sympathy for him when he brought up that he missed his son. He also remembered when he was too busy grieving about not being around for Zain’s birthday that he almost missed the conflicted looks that swam in Aria’s eyes. Were his words finally getting to her at that time? Being a Major General, he was sure she was strongly behind the propaganda that the Americans had against Iraq.

His thoughts were brought back to the present when his ears picked up voices coming from behind him. He did not dare turn around in case Jason would give him another earful of death threats. Instead, he strained his ears to pick up what was the conversation at hand. The Iraqi soon realised from intonation and tone that they were not talking and instead were arguing.

“And was that why you didn’t make the first shot? So you can gloat to Pace that you saved the day and return back as a War Hero? Half our squad died out there because of your selfish mistake!”

“It would not have made any difference! Whether I shoot first or not, gunfire will soon ensue and we will still lose men right, left and centre!”

“Is that how much faith you have in us? You have absolutely no respect for your team, Chang.”

“I’m being realistic, Colonel. Your shooters aim no better than a blind baby fresh out of a womb.”

The air became tense from the heated argument which grew in loudness, making it very clear what the Colonel and Aria were saying by everyone.

“You take back that statement, Chang. My men have been slaving and working for years to be on a mission like this.”

“You barely know these people, King, so stop being so high and mighty about this mission, which is a complete bust, by the way! I could be somewhere else, helping another mission that had a useful purpose but nooooo, here I am being a lost tourist in some demon-infested temple!”

“Will you guys shut up! We’re here already.” Jason snapped at them when Salim noticed they were now in a much larger hall with headlights scattered around the place.

Salim was then roughly pushed towards a tent where he had a feeling he might be interrogated in. He sighed at the dissonance the Americans were having in their group and prayed to Allah that this was not going to be his unceremonious downfall.

Read more on AO3...

[magicrowiswritingstuff]

“Not so good News” - Gabriel x pregnant!reader (3/3)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (you’re here)

Summary: Part 3 of “Not so good News”! Read the first part HERE. After you had received the news of your pregnancy you feel rather conflicted. On one hand you want this child to live but on the other hand this also means you will die giving birth. Your only option is to enjoy the time you have left with the people you love, forcing your dark thoughts to the back of your head. (F/N) means friend’s name.

Warning: dark thoughts/themes, suggestive themes, heavy angst, swear words, death, child birth (not a warning but maybe someone is squeamish)

Category: angst and fluff, even more angst

Words: about 9.000

Note 1: So, the mini-series is finished. I hope you will enjoy/enjoyed the last part. This series was a pain in the ass to write... so much research and asking relatives if it’s accurate. Though, it probably isn’t because it is fanfiction after all. Note 2: I have another Gabriel story linked in my masterlist, that one is more fluffy (And another short series in the works but pst). And I will definitely write more about/with him because I love him, all right?! I love hand hate him at the same time.

_________________________________  

"Not so good News" - Gabriel x pregnant!reader

Pregnancy week 20: The pregnancy was now at its halfway point which also meant that you probably had only twenty more weeks to live. What it also meant was twenty more weeks of pregnancy symptoms and to be honest you were sick of it. Sometimes even literally. You had been so dizzy lately you even blacked out during research. Sam and Dean weren't happy, thinking that you had over worked yourself and Gabriel immediately teleported you to your room after you had woken up again. So now you were on bed rest, or rather jail time. You laid on your back with your arms crossed before you and a pouty look on your face. "This sucks." You wanted to do more than laying around all day however there wasn't really much to do in the bunker especially on your own. You stood up from your bed and walked towards a shelve on the right side. Somewhere underneath all the stuff you had there had to be the thing you were looking for. "Aha!" you grabbed it and left the room, searching for the boys. You found them still sitting in the library, looking for their next hunt but the moment you stepped in all eyes were on you. "(Y/N), what are you doing up?" Gabriel asked with one eyebrow raised in question. You let the box you were holding fall onto the table. "No longer wasting my time" you declared and sat down, opening the box and arranging its content. "I want to spend time with you all and by that I'm not thinking about researching with you." You looked up at the four guys who slowly turned to you and the game you were setting up.

"So, we are playing monopoly now!"

"Only if I get to be the car" Dean said and immediately snatched it for himself. Sam rolled his eyes at him and took the dog. "How do you play?" Castiel asked confused, grabbing the shoe because it was closest to him. You threw him a small smile. "I'll show you." You then turned to Gabriel, offering him to choose his playing piece but he shook his head. "I always play with my own token" he said and snapped his fingers. In front of him appeared a small figurine of himself. You glanced at him with your lips pressed into a thin line to hold back a giggle. "Really?" you questioned as a short breath of laughter escaped your mouth. The archangel shrugged his shoulders. "Want one, too?" he asked, his fingers ready. You shook your head. "No, it's alright. I'll just take the cat." After you had set everything up and explained the rules to Castiel the game began. However, unsurprisingly Cas was still the first person to go bankrupt. Sam soon followed, selling his last green street to Dean. He mumbled something under his breath before throwing the dog back into the box. So now it was only you, Dean and Gabe. "You owe me 600, Dean" you said, pointing on the last light blue street where Dean had his car parked in front of the hotel you had recently built there. "What? How?! You only have shit streets" he complained and gave you the money reluctantly. You chuckled. "Yes, but I got a lot of shit streets." Dean only huffed which made you laugh. You had to throw dice next and landed on the police man. With a theatrical sigh you put your cat in jail, throwing the dice to Gabe. He grinned at you before rolling them. He landed on the middle orange street. Now you were the one grinning at him: "That makes 550." "You have one good street, only one hotel and maybe two to three houses on a street. How are you making so much money?" Gabriel asked after giving you the game money. You shrugged your shoulders. "I have three complete streets: brown and light blue at the beginning on which always someone ends up on. And in the beginning it doesn't feel like much money but it stacks up. And the orange one is often overlooked because the red one has higher prices but people always end up somewhere in that corner, too. Dean rolled his eyes, taking the dice. "Also, you two only have one complete street which lowers the change of getting much money because I bought one dark blue and one yellow one to stop you" you added and leaned back against your chair. "How about a little trade then" Gabriel suggested. "I want the dark blue street you stole from me and I can give you 350 and a get out of jail free-card." "Why would I want that?" you questioned with one raised eyebrow. "I still get money in jail but I don't lose anything for three turns. It's a win-win for me, I'm staying here." The archangel huffed. "Alright, 400 bucks and a train station. Last offer." You shook your head, staying stoic. Turning towards Dean you nodded at him, signaling that you were finished and that he could roll the dice. He got a nine, landing on the same orange street like Gabe did before him. You grinned evilly at him. "550, Dean." "I don't have enough money in cash I need to sell houses first" he explained, giving you six of his green houses from his pink street (you were playing as the bank too). You exchanged them for 300 which you kept and waited for the remaining 250. "Dean, I noticed you are short with money" you said after you had rolled the dice, still stuck in jail. "How about a little trait?" Gabriel shock his head at Dean, whispering "She's too powerful already, don't" which only made you grin. "I want the yellow street you have" you pointed at the card before offering your hand to Dean. "And in exchange I will give you your 550 bucks back." Gabriel continued to shake his head but Dean grabbed your hand, agreeing to the deal. You then turned to the archangel. "Gabe, you want your blue street, right? And I want the last yellow one you have" you said, your eyes sparkling mischievously. "I will give you the blue one if I get the yellow one and 350 bucks." He reluctantly agreed. And so the game went on. Cas and Sam stayed, watching it all go down quietly as Dean lost his last street to you after having to sell his pink one to Gabe completely as well as his train stations. It was a pretty equal distribution of streets, however after about a half hour later you ended up winning. Grinning you put the cards back into their box. "Your strategy really just is to buy all the shit streets at the very beginning and slowly watching as we lose all our money to them?" Dean questioned. You nodded. "Yep, and a few other moves helped me win, too but I won't tell you more than that." All things considered you had a lot of fun and the others did too. "Now you will finally get rid of me again" you said while standing up, smiling at them playfully. "I'll go back to bed. I'm exhausted and my legs are killing me." With that you turned around and walked back to your room in silence. Or at least you had planned to do that, however you heard footsteps following you. Looking over your shoulder you saw Gabriel running after you. You stopped with a grin, waiting for him. When he caught up he didn't say anything so you continued your way back with him by your side. "Thanks for letting me win" you said and shoved his side. "I did not do such a thing" he declared swollen, grinning down at you which made you laugh. "I know but you could have tricked us all anyway for you to win but you didn't do it." "I retired from my trickster days, sugar" the archangel reminded you. "Yes, but we both know that you would never stop messing with us" you said. Throwing him a side glance you smiled at him. "I'm amazed that you didn't play a prank at Dean for a while now." Gabriel chuckled and wrapped one arm around you. "Don't let yourself be fooled, (Y/N)." You grinned and then wrapped your arm around him too, pressing your head against his shoulder. "Thank you" you whispered so faintly you worried he wouldn't catch it. "For what?" he asked with a chuckle. You only shrugged. "I don’t know. I guess for everything." ____________________ Pregnancy week 22: In the last two weeks nothing much changed or happened. Your belly continued to grow and pregnancy symptoms were still haunting you. Your legs cramped so much now you didn't really want to move out of bed. So, you didn't. You stayed in bed all day. "At first you desperately wanted to do something you even overworked yourself into blacking out and now you are lying in bed all day" Gabriel chuckled beside you, nuzzling his nose against your neck. You huffed and turned your head so you could look at him. "Firstly, you're not pregnant so shut up" you sassed back at him but stayed silent after that, turning on your side again so your back faced the archangel. You felt Gabriel squirm behind you. "Secondly?" "Nothing, that is all there was" you said which earned you a hearty laugh from him. "You're adorable" he said and wrapped his arms around you. Now you were the one to squirm, trying to get out of his grip. "Am not!" you proclaimed. "I'm an angry pregnant lady, fear me." You succeeded in freeing yourself and were now sitting on your knees before Gabriel. "I'm trembling underneath your gaze, spear me" he managed to get out between his laughter. With a pouty look you threw a pillow in his face. "You're making fun of me!" you pointed out accusingly. "I would never" he declared with one hand pressed against his chest in shock as he sat up as well. "I don't believe you" you said and crossed your arms before your chest while desperately trying to suppressed your grin. "Oh, furious pregnant lady, how can I prove myself?" Gabriel asked and slowly crawled closer to you. You had to let yourself fall back against the cushions with the archangel now leaning over you. "Hmm" you hummed and pretended to think about it while Gabriel's face slowly got closer to your neck. You shuddered, feeling his breath dance over the sensitive skin. "Helping me with my crampy legs would be a start" you whispered. Without hesitation the archangel set up and shifted his focus to your cramped legs and feet. He slowly massaged from your feet upwards. By now your eyes were already closed and soft hums left your lips now and then. You just enjoyed the feeling of the pain slowly washing away. Or at least you did until Gabe's hands wandered up to the inner side of your thighs. One of your eyes snapped open, glaring at the archangel. "What are you doing?" you questioned with a low voice. "Shh" he breathed and crawled back over you. Instinctively you wrapped your arms around his neck but continued to eye him suspiciously. "Let me spoil you." "You don't need to" you said while Gabriel had already started to pepper your face with kisses. "Oh, but I want to" he kissed the top of your nose which made you giggle. He continued to place kisses on your face before slowly wandering down towards your neck. Occasionally a hum or sigh left your lips as you let yourself relax under his caresses. "What do you want to do?" he suddenly asked. You opened your eyes that had been closed until now and saw him hovering over you again. "What?" you questioned. "What's on your bucket list?" Now you understood. You let your arms fall from his shoulders as you thought about it, letting your eyes wander around the ceiling. "I-" you looked at the archangel. "I don't know." "Really? There is nothing you can think of" Gabriel asked with one raised eyebrow. You shook your head. "I just never thought about it before... And I guess you had finished yours long before you even met me" you said, suddenly feeling very embarrassed. But to your surprise the archangel shook his head. "I achieved my last one only a few years ago." "And what would that have been?" you asked. Gabe's gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips before moving back up. A small smile adorned his face as he spoke up again: "Falling in love." Immediately you felt your face heat up. "You're just saying that to make me feel better" you said, trying to cover your face with your hands but Gabriel pushed them down and shrugged his shoulders. "What about when you were a kid?" he continued to ask. "What did you wish for then?" "Expect a real pink unicorn and ice-cream for every meal?" you laughed before losing yourself in your thoughts again. "I guess ... getting married someday." You felt Gabriel stiffen up above you, making you tense up, too. Shaking your hands in front of your chest as far as possible you backtracked immediately. "Not that we have to. It's just a silly kids thing, you know. Back then we had plenty of games about our future or talked about family and marriage. It was just normal, expected. Ahh! Not that I expect it from you. I don't want you to propose or anything. I-" you noticed that you were rambling so you forced yourself to stop and took a deep breath." I shouldn't have said that." Now you really did cover your face with your hands, wishing to disappear. Though you never talked with Gabe about marriage or anything like that you always knew it would be a tricky subject. With him being practically immortal and marriage always or often associated with religion. You just guessed he didn't want to since he had always tried to distance himself from God and heaven and all that. And since he was an angel, an archangel ... you could promise him to spend your remaining life with him. He couldn't. And now was definitely not the time to marry since you would die in less than twenty weeks anyway. "I'm sorry" you said without really knowing why. Maybe you just wanted to break the silence that seemed to lay heavily in the air. "Don't be" the archangel said, caressing your check with one hand. "But I knew it would be a tricky subject to you." "How so?" "Well" you dragged on and slowly uncovered your face. "I just guessed and by your reaction..." You didn't continue speaking as Gabriel sat up on his knees. Lifting yourself up on your elbows you eyed him confused. Was the subject so repulsing to him? "You mean because I stiffened up?" You nodded. Gabriel let out one breathy laugh. "I was just surprised and shocked because I-" he snapped his fingers and opened his hand revealing a ring. "-actually wanted to give you this." You straightened up completely shocked. Your eyes darting from his face to his outstretched palm. "Wha-" "They aren't wedding rings. More like a promise ring, really" he explained as you slowly reached out to take the ring from him. He was right, it didn't look like the typical engagement or wedding ring. It was a silver ring, shaped into a feather that would curl around your finger. "For what?" you asked and looked up, the ring still uselessly lying in your palm. Gabriel raised his right hand, revealing a silver ring on his finger that hadn’t been there before. This one had the typical form of a ring, however the feather was engraved into it. "To promise that I will always love you." You felt tears in your eyes as you jumped forward, tackling the archangel in a hug. "You always make me cry" you complained but honestly it probably was because of the hormones. You stifled your sobs in his shirt as you pressed yourself flat against him, so you even felt his laughter vibrate through his chest as he wrapped his arms around you, too. "Can I?" he asked after a while and pushed you from him. He took the ring back from you and offered his other hand for yours to put inside. You didn't hesitate to do so but felt your face heat up again as he looked at you with love filled eyes. He slipped the ring onto your finger, gave you one last, long look before letting go of your hand. You looked at the delicate feather wrapped around your ring finger. "Thank you" you said with tears still clinging to your face but a big smile on your lips. You wrapped your arms around him again, burying your face into his chest ____________________ Pregnancy week 23: You had thought hard about what to put on your bucket list ever since Gabriel brought it up. However, it was pretty hard to find things you were able to do because of your condition (pregnant) and your situation (kind of trapped in the bunker). One thing you couldn't get out of your mind though was to see the northern lights far away from any other light source, no cities or other people. You couldn't shake it off even if it meant leaving the bunker. Your second idea was maybe rather cliché and not so impossible: having a family dinner without anything to worry about and no arguments to destroy the mood. "Hey, Gabe?" you asked while entering the library. The archangel immediately looked up from whatever he was doing, beaming at you. "What's the matter?" You sat down on the chair opposite to him. "I was thinking about what you said" you started. "What exactly? I talk a lot" he questioned, resting his head on one palm. You snorted in agreement. "About what I wanted to do, about my bucket list" you reminded him. "And I came up with two things." "Only two? If I knew you were so easy to please I-" you cut him off by throwing a crumpled up piece of paper at his face. "I wanted to ask if you had any ideas or further inspirations for things to achieve in the bunker" you paused. "Okay, I have only one thing for my list because for the first one I would have to leave." "What would that be?" Gabriel asked, putting his head in his other palm while closing the book he was looking at. "I always wanted to see the northern lights far away from civilization" you confessed and looked to the side, pushing one stray strand of hair back. "And my second point was having a family dinner." "With your parents?" Gabriel asked which made you flinch. Maybe you should have expected that since you had never talked with him about your life before becoming a hunter. Still, hearing the word stung a lot. "I never told you why I became a hunter, right?" Gabriel nodded confused and you took a deep breath. "My parents died when I was maybe 14" you explained, not meeting his eyes. "They were killed by a werewolf and I only survived because a hunter rushed in. He shot the werewolf and took me in. He taught me everything he knew but I was still traumatized, refused to leave the house after sunset. Still ... he was like a father to me. And then when I just turned 19 he was possessed by a demon after his tattoo was burned from his skin. The demon inside him stabbed him in the heart before I was able to exorcize him" you finished and wiped away the tears that had found their way over your cheeks. Suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you flinch again. Looking up you saw Gabriel standing beside you. You hadn't noticed that he had stood up. "I'm fine" you said, not believing even yourself. The archangel didn't say anything, just let his hand rest on your shoulder, sending you comfort through his touch. "Anyway, why did I tell you that again?" you shook your head, trying to rid yourself from the sad memories. "Ah, right. So, when I say family who I mean by that are Dean, Sam, Cas and you, Gabe." You looked up at him with the tiniest smiles on your lips as the archangel wiped away the last tear from your check. "The only problem with a family dinner is that I think it will escalate like always. Especially since I know that Dean is still looking for another way, a way to safe me in secret. Even though I forbid it" you only mumbled the last part. Gabriel grinned and bopped your nose. "Don't you worry your pretty little head, sugar" Gabriel said. "It's late, you should go to bed." You stood up, nodding and wrapping your arms around the archangel still craving his touch. He returned the hug. "I will be with you shortly I need to finish this first." You nodded once more, hugged him for a few moments more before letting go. "Good night" you said and stretched yourself on your tiptoes to give him a quick kiss on the lips before vanishing into your room. You had fallen asleep immediately. "(Y/N)!" you squirmed under your blanket, not ready to wake up just yet. You felt something, or someone next to you and a hand on your shoulder slowly shaking you awake but still you didn't really budge. "Let me sleep" you complained and covered your head with the warm blanket. "Next time, sugar. Now you need to wake up." You opened your eyes, pulling the blanket down and let them wander from Gabe's in shadow casted form to your clock standing on your bedside table. "It's not even three in the morning, what the hell" you grumbled. "A pregnant lady needs her sleep." Suddenly you were pulled out of the comfort of your bed and instead stood on wobbly legs in your room. "What are you doing?" you questioned, holding onto Gabriel's hands. "You wanted to see something, sugar." Confused you freed one of your hands and rubbed your eyes. "My brain's too tired to function, Gabe. Can't it wait till, I don't know, when the sun is shining?" you begged and suppressed a yawn. You could vaguely see the archangel shake his head in the darkness of your room. "Believe me, it will be worth it" he promised. You closed your eyes and rubbed the bridge of your nose. "I really hope you're right." And suddenly when you opened your eyes again you weren't in your room anymore. Confused you looked around. You were standing in the middle of a snowy landscape. Immediately you thought you would be cold but when you looked down at you, you saw that you were wearing a big coat, dark ski pants and a fluffy hat instead of your pajama. "What the hell" you whispered and turned around to look at Gabriel who -even though he didn't really needed it- matched his outfit to yours. He stood behind you with a huge grin. "Look up, sugar" he said and so you did. You hold your breath as you looked at the clear night sky with thousands of twinkling stars. But they weren't catching your attention, no. What had captured your imagination were the northern lights shining above your head. Magnificent colors danced above you, fading from green to blue to purplish pink. And even though your neck already started to hurt from constantly looking up you didn't care, too fascinated by the alluring dance. It looked like you had dipped your head into another world, another universe full of beautiful, vivid colors that were swaying and changing, illuminating the world around you. "It's amazing" you breathed when you felt the archangel take a step closer to you and turned around to meet Gabe's gaze again. "Thank you." Out of instinct you twirled the ring he had gave you before you looked up at the sky again, losing yourself in the endless colors swirling through the carpet of stars on this cold September night in who knows which country you were right now. "Dean and Sam will kill you if they figure out you let me leave the bunker" you stated with your eyes still glued to the aurora lights. "Not if you don't tell them" Gabriel noted. You turned around, wanted to say something but when you opened your mouth to speak only a shallow breath escaped out of it as you wrapped your arms around your stomach. Twisting your face into a frown you leaned forward. "(Y/N)?!" Gabriel asked panicked and walked in front of you. He put his hands on your shoulders to straighten you up again. "Are you alright? Are you in pain? What's going on?" For a few more seconds you didn't answer, stared at the ground with your arms still tightly wrapped around yourself. You felt it again and it was then you realized what this was. You let out a pained laugh. "Yes, everything's fine" you reassured the worried archangel with a small smile. Grabbing one of his hands which were still resting on your shoulder you directed it to your still growing bump. You had to wait a few moments with your hand on top of his before you felt it again. Gabriel flinched and you still saw worry in his eyes but when he looked up from your stomach and searched for your gaze, he slowly relaxed when he saw the softness in your eyes. "Are these...?" "Her first kicks? Yes." In the next couple of seconds you saw every emotion washing over his face. Happiness, relief, love, peace, joy but also worry, fear and panic. But it wasn't the type of panic that shook to your core, making your tense up and freeze. No, it was that type of panic a soon to be Dad had when realizing he would have to care for a small helpless baby soon. It was the first time you saw this fatherly panic on his face ever since the beginning, ever since the big news of you being pregnant. "She's quite strong. Knocked the air right out of me" you huffed while intervening your free hand with his other hand. "Archangel genes" Gabriel laughed. "Yes" you breathed, leaning into his touch with a smile. You two stayed like that for many moments more, enjoying each other's presence underneath the fantastical sky. You twirled the ring on your finger again. You felt the happiest ever since all this had started. This was probably the happiest day you had in a long time. ____________________ Pregnancy week 30: You felt like you had eaten a bowling ball or something like that. Your belly was extremely round and weighted a total of proud 25 pounds more of which the baby accounted for about 3 pounds. It was late October so you had about 2 and a half more months to life. You calculated with the help of your friend (F/N) that the baby would be due around the second week of January. Having these thoughts were scary. Normally the dated day of birth was something the parents craved, finally being able to hold their baby in their hands. But you, you were resenting it, you feared it. You thought you had left these thoughts behind but they haunted you even more now that the day got closer and closer. The last few months were hard, being pregnant in summer were hard but luckily the bunker could be regulated so you never really felt to hot. But now you were freezing even though the heater operates at full stretch so you just wrapped yourself into blankets all the time just like now. You were sitting on the sofa in the library again, the cup of tea you had been drinking was already empty. You sighed, feeling lonely. The guys had left a few days ago for a hunt which had required all of them so you were left behind for possible research again. You wanted nothing more than to cuddle with your favorite archangel right now and it seemed like he had heard your silent wish. You heard the unmistakably flutter of wings behind you and turned your head to look at him. "Gabe? What are you doing here? Is the hunt already finished?" you asked, looking around in search for the others but nobody was there. "No, it's just me" he declared. "And what are you doing here then?" "I just wanted to spend some time with my two beautiful girls" Gabriel said and sat down beside you. You snorted because of his cheesy comment but put your head on his shoulder anyway, nuzzling into his side still wrapped in your blanket as he laid one hand on your stomach waiting for a kick. Your little, heavy light bulb grew very active ever since you saw the northern lights but she seemed to like to kick around at night and sleep during the day. "I don't want to ruin the mood" you said after a long time of silence in which your thoughts continued to suffocated you. "...but I'm afraid, Gabe." You didn't move or look up just pressed yourself flat against him. "I just... wish I could hold her before I.." you didn't finish but you knew Gabriel understood what you meant. "I'm sorry, sugar" he said nuzzling his face in your hair and kissing the very top of your head. "You don't have to be, Gabriel, it's not your fault. And I wanted to have the baby so I just have to come to terms with the consequences of that decision" you explained. "Give me some of the credit, too, sweetcheeks" he cupped your face with one hand, directing your gaze at him as his face hovered inches above yours. "I worked very hard on that baby." You tried to bite back the laugh bubbling in your throat as you pushed his face away from you. "Gabe!" you screeched embarrassed even though he was the only one in the bunker. Giggling you shook your head. "Nice to see you didn't change since the pregnancy started." "I'll never change, you know that, sugar." You shook your head in disapproval. "That's not true, you did change" you noted. "You stopped your playboy days and stayed by my side." "Ah, well. You're just so interesting. How could I not stay a little longer to figure all the ways out to make you come undone" he said and wiggled his eyebrows as you slapped his shoulder with a gloomy look in your eyes. "I take that back, still one hundred percent the same archangel that I met years ago." Crossing your arms before your chest you held your head high as you ignored his laughter. "Oh, come on, honeybun" Gabriel laughed. "Don't ignore me." You huffed, giving him the cold shoulder while desperately trying to suppress your own laughter. "Stop ignoring me, (Y/N) or I will have to take drastic measures" he playfully growled and if you had turned around to look at him you probably would have seen the desire bubbling in his eyes. "You now I can't resist when you play hard to get." Finally, you turned around to meet his fiery gaze. "Oh, really?" you asked innocently. "I never noticed." Your faces were now only inches away from each other, his breath hot on your lips as he tried to hold back. It was nice seeing you still had this effect on him. You loved to watch him try to suppress it, to not give in and still losing to it every time: his desire for you. "You know, we are alone right now" you said with a grin as your eyes darted between Gabe's and his lips. "Oh, I know" Gabriel growled as his gaze fixated on your mouth. "And I intend to relish every second of it." ____________________ Pregnancy week 34: Only about six more weeks to live. It felt like a countdown. You tried to enjoy and appreciate every day and every second you had left, spent a lot of time with Gabriel, Dean, Sam or Cas. However, you couldn't prevent or deny that you were getting more distant. You didn't do it intentionally, or at least you thought so. Okay, maybe you tried to make everything easier for you and the guys. You would leave them, there was no going around that even though you knew Dean hadn't abandoned the plan of finding another solution, a way of saving you. It was just written in his genes apparently. But he hadn't brought anything up and you knew it was hopeless. The only thing you could think of was making a deal with a demon. Your life for someone else's but you wouldn't allow anyone to sacrifice themselves for you. And you weren't even sure if a demon could grant this wish, if they had more power than a half angel child. The last few weeks you had mayor back pains because your stomach had grown so much. Every sleeping position was uncomfortable, sitting was unbearable. Your bump was so big now you couldn't even put on shoes on your own. You felt more useless and moody, too but you weren't sure if it was because of the hormones or because you knew it would happen soon, it would end soon. You put one hand on your stomach, feeling the little light bulb (it became an agreed nickname for the baby between you and Gabe) move around. You noticed that she liked to lie on the right side more than on the left, leaving a little elevation there. Smiling you caressed your unborn baby. You just wished you had more time. ____________________ Pregnancy week 38: It was the fore last week but on a brighter spirit it was also Christmas. You haven't really celebrated Christmas ever since you were a child, ever since your parents were still alive. Of course, when you teamed up with Sam and Dean you exchanged gifts you had bought the day before but it was never a huge deal. You never really cared about the presents anyway. So, you expected that wouldn't change even if it was your last ever Christmas. You had stayed in bed all day, trying to find some rest after your baby girl had kept you awake almost all night. Was that why every mom awaited the birth so desperately? To finally sleep again and be free from all those pregnancy symptoms? A heavy sigh left your lips as you opened your eyes to look at the clock. It was about four pm and if you didn't stand up soon you wouldn't find sleep this night, too. With a groan you rolled out of bed and rubbed your eyes. Maybe hanging out with the guys would lift your spirit. Thinking about them ... you haven't seen them all day. Furrowing your eyebrows, you wondered what they were possibly doing. Had they found another hunt? Were they researching something? Stretching your back you slowly began your way to the library in search for anyone. "Guys?" you asked as you turned around the corner, still rubbing your sleepy eyes. "What were you doing all da-" you froze as you laid eyes on the library. The room was fully decorated with Christmas lights and even a small Christmas tree was standing in one corner, decked out with balls and lights. "What the hell" you mumbled and stepped into the room, your eyes glued to Sam and Dean who were putting the last decorations on the tables. "Oh, fuck" Dean said after noticing you. "Ehm, surprise?" You chuckled. "Well, yeah. I am surprised. Why are you decorating the library." "We thought we should celebrate Christmas this time" Sam explained, leaving out the obvious reason why. You nodded. "I appreciate it but I hope you didn't get me any presents because I was unable to buy anything for you." The two brothers shook their heads. "Nope, no gifts. Only decorations and something festive to eat" Dean declared. "It's gonna be burgers, right?" you questioned and crossed your arms before your chest. The slight blush on Dean's cheeks told you enough. "Good, because I'm starving and would kill for a burger right now." "Did I hear someone say burger?" You looked at the big entrance, seeing Gabe with bags in his hands. "Because I just so happen to have some." Laughing you sat down on one of the chairs, awaiting the festive meal. The three guys sat down too and Cas joined you soon after even though he didn't eat anything. At first you just looked around the room, eyes filled with childish wonder. You had missed the warm lights, the smell of Christmas that came just because of the atmosphere around you. You quickly lost yourself in conversation. Chatting about anything and everything. After a long time, you didn't worry, didn't fear the next day, the next week. You lived and just enjoyed the moment. The warmth that surrounded you, the smiles on their faces and the sound of laughter. This is what you always wanted. And you realized that your bucket list was finished, your last wish: having a peaceful family dinner. ____________________ Pregnancy week 39: Only about one week left. However, you weren't thinking about that just yet because today was New Year's Eve. Sam and Dean had bought some fireworks they wanted to set of which was why you were sitting outside of the bunker, wrapped in a blanket in Gabriel's arms. The Winchesters had oh so nicely agreed to let you come outside too. "How much time do we have left?" Dean asked, already hurrying with setting up all the fireworks in bottles on the street. You freed one arm from Gabriel's hug and looked at your phone. "Two minutes." "Shit, gotta hurry" Dean cursed. You laughed at him as he tried to work faster, ordering Cas to help him. "One thirty... One fifteen... One minute" you continued to count down. "Shut up." Giggling you put your phone away again after seeing Sam grabbing his to start the thirty second countdown in a few. Nuzzling back into Gabriel's side you glanced up at him only to see that his gaze had already been on you. "Hey" you mumbled with a smile. "Hey to you, too" he quietly laughed as he pushed back a strand of hair from your face. Immediately you lost yourself in his warm eyes, the cold night air long forgotten. His face was already so close to yours that you felt his breath on your lips. "Thirty" you heard Sam said. You had to wait thirty seconds until you could finally kiss him? You huffed a breath in annoyance as your hands found their place on Gabe's chest. "Impatient?" Gabriel grinned. You glared at him. "As if you weren't." "Twenty." "Oh, I can live without a kiss" the archangel stated with a smirk. You raised one eyebrow at him before grinning evilly. "Oh, is that so?" You put your hands away from his chest and turned your head forward again, looking at Dean who was armed with one windproof lighter in each hand. You couldn't suppress your laughter when you saw his silly stance. He seemed ready to tackle the fireworks to the ground. You hadn't seen him act this childish in a long time. You felt Gabriel squirm beside you which only made you grin even more. "Ten." "(Y/N)" the archangel growled lowly. "Nine." You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes. "Eight." "I thought you said-" you turned around to meet his eyes completely. "Seven." "-you could live without a kiss from me?" you challenged him. "Six." He huffed. "Five." Stretching up you were the one to tease him with your hot breath on his mouth. "Four." "Well" Gabriel started and placed his arms to either of your sides, caging you in. "Three." You felt his body heat springing over to you as his eyes darted to your lips still stretched into a smile. "Two." "Not now" he finally said. "One!" He grabbed your face in his hands and closed the gap between you two just as Sam shouted "Zero!". Melting into the kiss you pressed your hands against his chest again and closed your eyes. However, the grin on your lips stayed as you responded the kiss. Silently moaning as Gabriel's hand wandered down your sides, leaving a tingling sensation behind, you stretched upward, pressing into him. This kiss was the sweetest you had ever shared with the archangel. Soft, gentle, slow. There was no intention behind it, no raw desire but love. So, you let yourself relax in his arms as the fireworks took of behind you, buzzing through the night sky. "Who was impatient now?" you asked after breaking the kiss, your lips still only barely apart. "Not my fault, I just can't resist you." "You're so cheesy when you want" you laughed and closed the gap between you again in another soft kiss that quickly grew more passionate and daring. You wrapped your arms around his neck, stroking through his hair and slightly tugging at their ends. He groaned against your lips and let his hands wander too. They quickly found their place only barely above your bum as he pressed you against him as far as possible with your baby bump. You felt warm and safe, like being encased in fluffy clouds and soft blankets, like if he had wrapped his wings around that you were unable to see. You parted with a gasp, sucking in breaths of air with a laugh as you looked up the archangel. "I love when you laugh and your eyes crinkle up" Gabriel whispered which only made laugh again and then smiling like a fool. "Are you growing soft on me" you teased. "I am always soft for you" he said without missing a beat. You felt your face heat up but forced yourself to not break the eye contact. "I love you" you mumbled with half lidded eyes. Gabriel chuckled, hugging you close. "I love you, too, sugar." You stayed outside for a while longer, talking with each other while looking up at the stars. But at about 1 am it was too cold to stay outside any longer so everyone slowly packed their drinks and the empty bottles for the fireworks and began their way back into the bunker. You let out a sigh as you heaved yourself up with Gabriel's help, smiling appreciatingly up at him and tried to find your balance. Just as you were standing safely on your legs and took one step forward you felt it. Bending forward you pressed one hand against your stomach and blindly searched for Gabriel to steady yourself with the other one. "(Y/N), is everything alright?" he asked, grabbing your outstretched arm. You growled in response, biting your lip, almost drawing blood. "Ju-just a contraction. Probably just Braxton Hicks contractions" you muttered under your breath and straightened up again after you were sure it was done. "Are you sure?" You nodded, letting go of Gabriel and taking one step forward only for your knees to give in. You yelped in shock but luckily Gabriel caught you before you could hit the ground. Another groan of pain left your lips as you let yourself be kept upright by the archangel just as another wave of pain hit you. Your lips parted, sharply sucking in the cold winter air, as you tried to get the words out. "Or ma-maybe they're real contractions" you stammered. You slumped back down, only kept up by Gabriel's arms while your vision got fuzzy and pain shot through you up from your stomach. You heard him yell for Sam, Dean and Cas who had already gone inside but you didn't really register it. It was absurd. Everything seemed so unreal to you and in the same time frighteningly real, too. Was this ... it? "Gabe" you said not even really knowing why as a nauseous feeling washed over you. Clinging onto him you blinked a few times, trying to make out his face. "I-I need your help." He heaved you into his arms without another word, hurrying inside as fast as possible. "What's the matter?" Sam asked, looking up from his seat in the library. You only cried out in pain, curling into Gabe's chest. "She's having contractions" Gabriel said and walked past the three men in the direction of your room. They hastily stood up and ran after him, frantically shouting all the time. "Real ones? The real deal?" Dean asked worried. "Yes!" you yelled with tears in your eyes as a wave of heat crashed over your body. Gabriel kicked your door open and then laid you down on your bed. Panicking you looked up at the ceiling. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, it was too early and your friend wasn't even in town yet. They had promised to come by to help with the birth giving process. You had no clue what to do and the guys had non either. They were panicking too, asking and shouting about what was supposed to happen. "Gabe... Gabriel" you forced over your lips, looking to your side, searching for his eyes. He immediately had his attention on you with his eyebrows furrowed and teary eyes. "Call (F/N)." He nodded, not hesitating and grabbed your phone. "(Y/N)? What's up?" their voice rang through the speaker only seconds later but you were unable to answer as another painful contraction hit you. This was happening way to fast. Was this the angel side of your baby? Wasn’t there supposed to be a pause between the contractions? How were you supposed to breath through all this pain? "Here's Gabriel" the archangel managed to get out. "(Y/N) just got into labor." "What?! (Y/N)!" your friend yelled as a wave of shock also washed over them. "Hey" Gabriel said to get their attention. "We... she needs your help now. You have to tell us what to do." If you hadn't been in labor you would have been amazed by Gabe's calm voice. But one look at his face told you that it was only a facade, that he was more panicked than any of the other guys inside the room. "Okay, okay. At first ... tell me how far apart the contractions are" your friend requested after a few deep breaths to calm themselves down. Gabriel looked back at you and when your eyes met you felt the next one hit you. "There is no time between them or at least … there’s always pain. They are coming very fast. I-" you were able to groan when the pain washed away for a few seconds. "I think it's because of the angel genes. They're very strong and painful." "Alright, no time to lose then" your friend mumbled probably more to themselves. "You have to lay on your back, put a pillow behind your neck so it's more comfortable for you and you have to get rid of the pants." You looked at Gabe again, signaling him that you needed help with that. He nodded, putting the phone on your bedside table and helped you out of your pants. It was weird being exposed like that but to be fair you didn't really have much time to think about that as another wave of pain crushed over you, pressing your lungs down. "Someone has to check on the status of the baby" (F/N) said and maybe not very surprisingly Cas volunteered to do so. He seemed to have calmed down a bit while Sam and Dean were still pacing around. "Hoist your legs up so you can build up more strength and when the next contraction hits you have to press. And don’t forget to breathe!" You followed their instructions without question. "(Y/N)?" they asked after a few seconds. You answered with a half yelp that somewhat resembled a "Yes?". "I wish I was here to help you, I'm sorry." "No, don't be. I wanted you to enjoy New Year's Eve, too. Life is just unpredictable" you managed to say but after that everything became fuzzy again. This wasn't normal right? No, it wasn't. You were dying. This was the end. The realization hit you suddenly and almost knocked the air out of your lungs. You would die today. You whimpered, unable to form any words as you once again blindly reached out for Gabriel. A hand found yours and you immediately felt that it was his palm squeezing yours reassuringly. Your vision cleared only slightly and when you made out the archangel's face you saw the tears he had forced back all those weeks, the tears he had never let himself cry. "Can you see something already?" Was that Dean speaking? You couldn’t really tell but you knew that the one to answer should be Cas. "Yes, I can see some of the head." "Is she still breathing." "Yes! Now stop worrying her even more!" That had to be Gabe as his hand began to squeeze you harder. "You're doing great" the words echoed in your mind again and again and again. Was that Gabriel? You felt the tears wet your cheeks. You loved him so much. You didn't want this. You wanted more time. Why weren't you given more time? Why did this happen to you? Were you doomed from the very beginning? You couldn’t breath, the pain was too much, your whole body just stiffened up. "(Y/N)." Was this some sort of punishment? The contractions seemed to get even more frequent and even though you were supposed to press you felt your strength leave your body quickly. But this baby had to live, you wanted your baby girl to live. Squeezing the hand in yours tightly you focused every last drip of strength into pushing your baby out. "Out." "She's out." Your baby was out. You were still breathing. Was that screaming? "Gabe" you gasped as the room began to spin. You were so exhausted. All your energy seemed to have been sucked out of you. And that was when you noticed your vision getting out of focus once more but this time it seemed different ... final. A wave of panic crashed over you. No, no, no, no! You didn't want to go. You wanted to reach out to Gabe, opened your mouth. Say something! Another wave of pain tore through you, left you breathless. What was happening? Tears were streaming out of your eyes but you were able to detect one face looking down at you. Worried, honey colored eyes. Gabe! No, you- just say something! Say you love him! Your thoughts screamed at you to say anything... but you were unable to. You had no energy left. Everything turned to darkness.

____________________

"(Y/N)!" you squirmed under your blanket, not ready to wake up just yet. You felt something, or someone next to you and a hand on your shoulder slowly shaking you away but still you didn't really budge.

"Let me sleep" you complained and covered your head with the warm blanket. "Next time, sugar. Now you need to wake up."

You opened your eyes, pulling the blanket down and let them wander to Gabe's in shadow casted Form. Frowning you slowly sat up. This felt strangely familiar, like you were just experiencing a déjà-vu.

You sighed and followed Gabriel's instructions as he hoisted you up.

"Believe me, it will be worth it" he promised. You closed your eyes and rubbed the bridge of your nose. "I really hope you're right."

The next time you opened your eyes you stood in a snow covered landscape. "What-"

"Look up, sugar" he said and so you did. The sight left you breathless. Vivid colors were moving above you in a strange, hypnotic dance. Greens and blues and bright pinks. You were speechless. These were the northern lights.

"It's amazing" you whispered and pushed done strand of hair back. "Thank you."

This was all so familiar. Did you live through this before? You frowned, about to ask Gabriel when you felt a dull pain rush through your stomach. Gasping you leaned forward, wrapping your arms around yourself. This was strange.

"(Y/N)?!" Gabriel asked panicked and walked in front of you. He put his hands on your shoulders to straighten you up again. "Are you alright? Are you in pain? What's going on?" Yes, indeed. What was going on? What was this pain? The thoughts of a possible déjà-vu vanished in an instance as your mind just accepted everything.

For a few more seconds you didn't answer him and instead stared at the ground with your arms still tightly wrapped around yourself. You felt it again and it was then you realized what this was. You let out a pained laugh.

"Yes, everything's fine" you reassured the worried archangel with a small smile. Grabbing one of his hands which were still resting on your shoulder you directed it to your still growing bump. You had to wait a few moments with your hand on top of his before you felt it again. Gabriel flinched and you still saw worry in his eyes but when he looked up from your stomach and searched for your gaze, he slowly relaxed when he saw the softness in your eyes.

"Are these...?"

"Her first kicks? Yes."

In the next couple of seconds you saw every emotion washing over his face. Happiness, relief, love, peace, joy but also worry, fear and panic. But it wasn't the type of panic that shook to your core, making your tense up and freeze. No, it was that type of panic a soon to be Dad had when realizing he would have to care for a small helpless baby soon. It was the first time you saw this fatherly panic on his face every since the beginning, ever since the big news of you being pregnant.

"She's quite strong. Knocked the air right out of me" you huffed while intervening your free hand with his other hand.

"Archangel genes" Gabriel laughed.

"Yes" you breathed, leaning into his touch with a smile. You two stayed like that for many moments more, enjoying each other's presence underneath the fantastical sky.

It indeed was your happiest day.

            The End. ____________________

[addictedtostorytelling]

I’m just rewatching The Two Mrs Grissom and I cant believe Sara didn’t know Grissom wouldn't show up till the very last moment! Jesus that guy has some serious issues with communication :D and Sara is a saint!

hi, anon!

honestly, the whole idea that sara has no idea that grissom isn't going to be at the gala until she is already there strains credulity to the point of breaking.

like.

the notion of grissom standing her up that night is literally riddled with plot holes—total and complete swiss cheese.

first of all, the flight time from lima to vegas usually takes at least ten hours but more commonly twelve to sixteen (depending on the amount of layovers involved), and yet they expect us to believe that grissom can’t find any occasion in-between his scheduled departure and the literal minute the gala begins to call or email his wife and say "hey, honey, i'm not actually coming. good luck with my mother tonight!" because he is dealing with—and this part is the real kicker—an archaeology "emergency"? i mean, jesus.

like. if the gala starts at 8pm pst that night, then he should know that he isn't coming by about 6am pst that morning, if not much, much earlier, and there's only a two-hour time difference between peru and nevada (with peru being the one ahead), so there's really no excuse.

—and especially not because, even if he is having phone issues, we know he has internet capabilities at the dig site (as he video calls sara over the web later in the episode, after she's wrapped the case). send a fucking email, gilbert!

of course, that's to say nothing of the fact that even had he not been prevented from flying back to vegas, his planned itinerary for that day makes no goddamn sense. i mean, who in their right fucking mind willingly decides to undertake a twelve to eighteen-hour travel day (if we account for him having to get to the airport before his plane leaves) that culminates with him touching down at his destination and having to go straight from the airport to a black-tie event without even making a pit stop at home along the way so that he can freshen up? given that sara calls him from the gala expecting to meet him there and she obviously comes to the gala from home herself (as none of her coworkers have seen her in her dress prior to the bombing, indicating that she doesn't change into it at work), that tells us his original plan is to roll up to the gilbert institute direct from mccarran. even under ideal circumstances, long flights are hell. does he really believe he is gonna be up for a night of champagne and socializing (and keeping things civil between his wife and mother) after having woken up sometime between midnight and the ass crack of dawn and flown 4,000 miles within the course of a single day? one would think that he would be smart enough to at least give himself some buffer. ideally, he should have flown in at least the day before, but, if not, then even a red-eye probably would have served him better than the flight he chose (as if he'd gotten in to vegas in the afternoon, hours before the start of the gala, then at least he could have gone home and rested a while before he had to get all dressed up for his night out).

also, also, also, along those same lines: one would think that an experienced globetrotter like grissom would realize that air travel does not always run on schedule, and especially not when there are layovers (and potentially even multiple layovers) involved, and so would have tried to allow for more of a gap in-between his time of arrival in vegas and the start of the gala, just so that if his flights had been at all delayed, he'd not end up biffing all of his plans.

—and speaking of layovers: presumably, had grissom gotten on his original flight out of peru as planned, he would have had some kind of layover between peru and vegas, at which point, unless it were one of those hellacious "you literally have to run from one gate to the next to switch planes, and there's no time to eat or go to the bathroom or call anyone in the interim; you just gotta book it" stops, he would have most likely called sara to update her on his progress (i.e., "hey, darlin', we just touched down in houston. yeah, i'm switching planes now. looks like we'll land in vegas at about 7:30pm. i'll see you and mom at the gala. love you"). however, since grissom never gets on that first flight, he never has his layover, and so never calls sara earlier in the day. that so, she should probably already be aware that he isn't coming to the gala long before she is standing on the steps of the gilbert institute, wondering where the hell he is. it doesn't make a lot of sense that she is so blindsided to learn that grissom never got on a plane that morning when she probably should have already had a least a couple of hours of warning that he wasn't on his way as of his scheduled layover stop.

and that brings us back to the issue of the archaeology emergency that does ultimately end up detaining grissom. i can imagine a few somewhat plausible issues that could crop up and need to be dealt with asap at a dig site, necessitating a kind of "all hands on deck" response—such as, for example, flooding, grave robbery, impending warfare in the area making it so the dig has to be closed down in a hurry, etc.—but none of those things are actually what prevent grissom from coming home. the excuse he gives sara is just that another mass grave has been found, and so the peruvian government has asked him to stay on and take part in the excavation. the mass grave is not even from a modern political conflict (in which case time might be more of the essence when it comes to identifying the victims, and particularly if there were any suspicion of genocide) but one from the same moche people whose civilization he'd been studying for a while. why on earth it is so imperative for grissom, who is not even an archaeologist or anthropologist by training, to be on site for that dig, i'm not sure. like. could he not go back to the states for a few days? what is so urgent that he has to remain in peru? archaeology is typically very slow work; the grave would still be there when he got back. unearthing an ancient burial site is not the type of endeavor where "every minute counts." there's a lot of downtime in archaeological fieldwork. that so, this "emergency" is one of the least plausible ones that the writers could have possibly invented in order to make grissom miss the gala. it just seems like a situation where he should in theory be able to take a few days off if he wants to, and, if not, then at least snag a few minutes to steal away and call his wife to let her know he isn't coming home. it's not like he's a surgeon who got pulled in to perform an emergency twenty-hour brain surgery or something. again, jesus.

all of the above said, i can maybe see the situation that plays out in canon happening if it were the case that grissom has little or no choice in his travel plans—i.e., that there is only one flight to vegas scheduled to depart out of lima at any point within the general window of when he needs to be home—and that then when he is asked by the government to stay in peru, he either does in fact actually try to contact sara and let her know OR something prevents him from doing so (such as, say, inclement weather interfering with the signal booster on his cell phone/the internet at the camp). 

let’s then say that leading up to the gala, sara ends up working a triple shift, meaning that she is on the clock from 11pm the night before to sometime in the early evening (let’s say 6 or 7pm) on the night of the event. that so, she either misses grissom’s call, if in fact he tries to call her, OR she doesn’t realize that he hasn’t called, if in fact he is prevented from doing so; she then rushes home after shift, changes into her pretty dress, and then rushes to the gilbert institute, all without checking her voicemail or email.

if that were the series of events, it might explain why sara is so surprised when she shows up to the gala and grissom isn’t there.

—but, admittedly, such a scenario is dependent on a lot of contingencies.  

also, sara certainly doesn’t seem like she’s coming off of a triple shift as we see her in the episode. 

so.

tl;dr? i find this episode’s framing pretty implausible. grissom’s a poor communicator, yes, but it’s difficult to believe that he failed to let sara know that he wouldn’t be coming home, even though he had at least a half a day to get word to her. 

had the writers put a little bit more thought into the scenario, they probably could have come up with a better way to contrive his absence from the gala.

as is, one has to suspend A LOT of disbelief—and you’re absolutely right that sara is a saint for taking everything that happens in stride.

thanks for the message! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[astudyinchocolate]

Getting a Rapunzel LE Doll in the US (or other Tangled LE stuff)

If you don’t regularly get limited edition Disney items, you probably aren’t tuned in to how the LE buying system works through Shop Disney right now. Or about some of the issues! Neither am I, but one of my friends collects a ton of LE dolls and gave me the scoop on what’s been going on.

In my friend’s words, “it’s a bloodbath. I would go to the store if at all possible.”

“People are really freaked over this doll, so I would definitely show a little early... Literally nobody in Europe got her and there’s at least 500 in Shanghai... and then 1000 in Europe. That leaves less than 3000 on the website if every normal store gets her.”

Another problem is that the Disney Castle Collection for Tangled will be releasing at the same time! So you have collectors for something else in addition to the doll collectors, and everyone will be trying to get in.

There also aren’t as many Rapunzel dolls available compared to other releases. For comparison, there are 5,500 Rapunzels worldwide vs. 8,000 Queen Annas and 8,500 Snow Queen Elsas from 2019. However, 5,500 is about equivalent to the Midnight Masquerade 12" dolls from 2019, if that gives anyone a sense of numbers. I think Rapunzel will be more in demand as a 17" doll with a popular new face mold. And she's an anniversary doll.

For tips, read more below!

Website:

Shop Disney’s site currently operates on a waiting room system. People wait in a virtual room and then will randomly be let in to buy the items. It’s not first come, first serve- it literally is random when you get out of the room.

It’s worth noting that resellers target the LE doll releases. Shop Disney UK has had a looot of issues lately with bots buying up all the dolls to try to resell for ridiculous prices, which was why so few European collectors were able to get the doll. Bots specifically don’t target the US system, per my friend, but general resellers do.

So, here are my friend’s tips!

- Don’t even bother trying to open it more than 10 minutes prior to the item release. But starting 10 minutes prior, jump on.

- Use, in her words, “every computer in the house” to pull up the waiting room on each device- think 6:50, 6:51, 6:52, etc. you’re jumping on (if you’re on PST and are aiming for that 7 am PST release time). If you have friends or family willing to give it a shot, get them to try too.

- Then you just have to wait and see when you get let in on a device and hope the item hasn’t sold out yet.

- Shop Disney typically does not allow LE item sales on their app, but she says it’s always worth checking just to see.

In Person:

- If possible, call your local Disney store tonight to see if they expect the particular item in, how many, and if people line up beforehand. The employee at my store told me they had 8 dolls and he recommended I get there early.

- Not all Disney Stores receive the LE releases, just the “main” ones. If your store has before, it probably will be getting some again. She said “if it has any kind of statues or fancy entrances, it’s a main store.” By that, I think she means one of the newer remodeled stores, like this:

- Check your mall hours and also check to see if they open the interior of the mall early for mall walkers, which would mean people could line up inside the mall (they may not because of COVID). Figure out the best place to enter and make your plan.

- Because I’m on EST and the store opens at the same time the doll is released online... I’m going to try the store, based on my friend’s recommendation. I live close enough that I can do other errands or just stop by every half hour or so, starting at 7 (so 3 hours before release). She said if I see cars in the parking lot by that entrance and/or people lining up, then I should stay- but otherwise I can head back out and come back in another half hour or so lol. 

- You can only buy one of a particular item. However, if you bring another person, that person can buy one, too. So if you’re hoping to buy multiples at all, you need to plan to wait with a friend.

I hope this helps some of the other Tangled fans out there, and good luck!

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴