#i have to finally admit that no i cannot do this i cannot be a normal human person

[strangersteddierthings]

Made With Love

It takes one bite for Eddie to suspect he's done something wrong. A second bite confirms it. He's fucked up somehow and cannot for the life of him remember what it was.

Did he miss an important date of some sort? It couldn't have been their anniversary because that's August 13th (Eddie's new favorite day of the year, for obvious reasons). He absolutely didn't miss Steve's birthday. Not with how long he and Robin had spent planning the damn thing. (Eddie is never throwing another surprise party in his life; the stress of secret keeping was too much to bear.)

... Did he miss Robin's birthday?

No. That can't be. Steve would never let him miss that.

It could be one of the Party's birthdays, but Eddie doesn't think that's a transgression that would warrant this.

This, of course, being his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"What, your peanut butter's gone bad?"

Eddie lifts his eyes from the proof of Steve's anger at him to his coworker, Charlie, sitting across the table from him in the closet that Thatcher claims is the break room. "No. It's much worse than that, I'm afraid."

"Well, don't keep me in suspense," Charlie deadpans.

"This sandwich wasn't made with love," Eddie whines, looking back at the sandwich with as much sorrow as he can muster. He sets the sandwich down on the baggy he had pulled it out of so that he can frown down at it without having to touch the offending creation.

"Ah shit," Charlie says, voice filled with empathy. This is why he's Eddie's favorite coworker. He gets it. Possibly because he's the only person who's tasted the difference for himself, back when Eddie'd just started at Thatcher Tires. "What'd'ya do?"

"I don't know!" Eddie wails. "Everything was fine when I left this morning, or I thought it was anyway."

"Ain't your misses pretty good at lettin' you know you done fucked up?" Charlie, like the best coworker that he is, looks surprised that Eddie doesn't know what he's done. He's right, too. Steve is the goddamn king of petty, and Eddie has never struggled to know when Steve's mad at him. The struggle usually comes from Eddie refusing to be in the wrong.

(That's not to say that Eddie is always in the wrong. He's not. Sure, a good percent of their arguments Eddie is the one at fault and he's mature enough to admit so once the argument is over, but it's not always his fault.)

Anyway, the point is, regardless of who's at fault, Steve is angry at him about something and for the first time in months Eddie doesn't know what for. They'd promised each other, after their first very big fight that almost ended in a breakup and was over a misunderstanding, that they would tell each other why they're mad or upset or feeling some type of way. So for Eddie to not know...

He thinks he might have fucked up big time.

"I know!" Eddie cries, shoving the sandwich away from him to make room to drop his forehead onto the table, then turns to smoosh his cheek against the table so he can look at Charlie. "Charlie. Charlie what do I do?"

Charlie blows out a long breath, thinking, before he gives a decisive nod and says, "you gotta beg forgiveness."

Eddie knows Charlie's right. He doesn't know what he did but he's going to beg forgiveness anyway.

Which is how he now finds himself in the small floral section of the grocery store looking over the sad, wilted bouquets after work. His arms are already full with Steve's favorite ice cream, candies, an over-priced little blue teddy bear that's holding an 'It's A Boy!' card that Eddie plans to rip off, and a blank card with a painting of sunflowers on it that he plans to wax poetry about Steve inside.

The final part of his groveling is, of course, the flowers. It's the wrong season for sunflowers, so Eddie was going to settle for roses. It's just that these roses are all sad looking. They don't really scream 'I Love You More Than Anything Else In The World, Please Forgive Me For What I've Done' though.

Let it never be said that Eddie doesn't know how to beg forgiveness.

He ends up picking the least wilted looking bouquet, one with white and yellow flowers he can't name.

The cashier is an older lady who takes quick catalogue of his items and asks, "is it your anniversary, darling? Or, oh!" She picks up the blue bear and Eddie feels his ear heating with embarrassment as she coos, "are you expecting? How exciting!"

"Err, no, not, uh, no. It's just blue is hi-her favorite color, so I was planning to just cut off the little card," Eddie stutters out the lie. Blue isn't Steve's favorite color but Eddie's used to making up many little lies when talking to strangers. Being hate-crimed is not a passion of Eddie's. "I, uh, messed up. And I don't know what I did, but I'm going to make it right."

The lady smiles at him and gives him a firm nod as she scans the items. "Smart boy. I'm sure she'll forgive you."

Eddie gives her a smile he hopes isn't as tight-lipped as it feels on his face.

Back in the safety of his van, Eddie roots around until he finds a pen and gets to writing all the things he loves about Steve in the card and all the things he hopes they'll get to have in the future. Nothing they haven't spoken about before, but it still makes Eddie a little emotional writing it all down.

Once he's done writing, he pulls his pocket knife out and cuts off the 'It's A Boy' card from the bear, crumpling it up and tossing it in the back of the van to be forgotten. He shoves the sunflower card in it's place. His card is a bit wider than the previous one here so it stays in place, albeit precariously. He'll be careful handing it over to Steve.

He knows that Steve is at home already. Steve's always home first because he's off work at four compared to Eddie getting off work around five.

Well. Closer to five-thirty today with his stop at the grocery store. He really hopes that whatever has Steve mad at him isn't time related. Being late home without calling might earn him no favors if it's a time-based blunder.

Steve is in the kitchen, back to the door since he's facing the stove, as Eddie expected he might be. Which means that Eddie doesn't get to lay out all his Items of Forgiveness across the counter like he had hoped but that's okay. If the love of his life has chosen to forgive him, he knows Steve will be just as overjoyed to rifling through a bag of goodies as he would to pick them off the counter.

"Hi sweetheart," Eddie says, words oozing with adoration and sweetness.

"Hi baby," Steve's tone matches Eddie's, like an instinct to match Eddie's energy has written itself into Steve's DNA. And it might have. Eddie knows the reverse is true.

Steve turns from the stove, then, and his face lights up with delight and surprise. "What's all this?"

"Your favorite things, because I love you," Eddie says, raising his arms a bit. The grocery bag is looped over his wrist with flowers in one hand and the bear in the other.

Steve looks positively smitten.

Eddie is nailing this apology that isn't an apology. And let it be known; he cannot say he's sorry. It'll ruin everything. Because Steve, his wonderful, beautiful, kind and loving Stevie, will cock one perfect little caterpillar eyebrow and ask if Eddie knows what he's apologizing for, and Eddie will have to say he doesn't know and that isn't something he's willing to do. Especially not when it's looking like whatever Steve was mad about has completely slipped Steve's mind, too.

"I got your favorite ice cream, too, so we might want to get that into the freezer," Eddie says, passing the bear and card to Steve and shimmying around him to get to the freezer.

He lays the flowers on the counter and sets to emptying the bag. Ice cream in the freezer and goodies on the counter, while Steve reads the card silently behind him.

He knows he's successfully made up for whatever it was he had done, because Steve crowds him against the fridge shortly after setting the card down and turning the stove burner off, kissing him breathless.

Eddie even gets desert before dinner, with Steve all but dragging him to their bedroom.

-

The reddit post that inspired this -

[tenebrius-excellium]

This is an incredibly uncomfortable post (because I love Toothless and want to keep loving him), albeit on a topic that we might finally need to have a conversation about.

Toothless is very sure of himself because he is naturally powerful. He knows he's the special one. He knows he's the king of dragons even before the sequels or the show, and he enjoys that humans fear him. He doesn't really defend other dragons or people except for Hiccup and the ones Hiccup specifically asks, pleads or commands him to. He only kinda ever reacts to things when it's Hiccup's life on the line or when something is important to Hiccup. He assumes power in an almost lax way, but not even because he feels much responsible for his fellow dragon or anything... he only steps up to a larger dragon or political dilemma, if Hiccup gets hurt when he doesn't do it.

As a predator animal, Toothless, on his own, mostly chills. Because he can. Nothing attacks him. He doesn't know what it feels like to fear being hunted, because usually, he is the hunter. But that in turn means that Toothless doesn't have a whole lot of natural compassion. He cannot really be bothered by other people's or dragons' issues, because he is not directly being affected himself.

I believe Toothless never encountered the meaning of true kindness until Hiccup shot him down and he was suddenly at the mercy of someone truly good. I believe Hiccup's goodness humbled Toothless to a degree, causing him to become fascinated with it, because in Toothless' world, there exists only the law of the stronger dragon. And he is the strongest.

So to meet Hiccup must have opened up a whole new worldview to Toothless the Night Fury, the proud Unholy Offspring of Lightning And Death Itself. For the first time, he realizes: "Oh, physically weak creatures require kindness to get along., and that works better than intimidation." It was only sudden physical weakness that caused Toothless to become a limitedly social creature, aware of something like right and wrong. He was always the abstract other, a lone wolf, equipped with incredible strength that alienated him from his peers because he couldn't fathom needing grace or help.

But Toothless then proceeds to cling to Hiccup as if Hiccup is the only thing preventing him from forgetting kindness again. Stoick, Astrid, Hookfang and the Skrill would all have bitter feuds with Toothless until death if it wasn't for Hiccup standing between them.

The not-so-pretty truth here seems to be: Toothless is a bully without Hiccup, because he's never had to think beyond himself without Hiccup, even AFTER their friendship blossomed. Toothless keeps struggling with looking after others and with caring about someone other than himself. He is only capable of tolerating those that Hiccup instructs him to. That's mere basic consideration for others.

But one thing Toothless knows: He needs Hiccup to keep him in check like that. He wants Hiccup in his life more than he wants to be the most powerful creature, because Hiccup is GOOD. And so he asks Hiccup to ride him again WITH the prosthetic fin in Gotnf, lest his regained independence will make him unkind and asocial again.

The missing tailfin is, unfortunate as it seems to be, the only thing which keeps Toothless, who perceives himself to be the deserved lion among dragons, kind. And he knows it and has the sense to admit that he is actually in constant need of this reminder.

Because Hiccup is the only one who ever overpowered him in an even battle, fair and square, Hiccup is his conscience.

I like to think the rest of Berk, kinda continue to be wary of Toothless. They like him, they know he’s not going to hurt them. But they also know the only reason for that is Hiccup. These people have grown up not even knowing what a nightfury looks like. All they know is that you do not engage one, you don’t try to kill it, you hide and you pray. They know that when that scream is heard, something is getting destroyed, every time. Because it does not miss. They know the unholy offspring of lightning and death itself. And they know Toothless is capable of all of that. Toothless is that. So while they get used to the dragons being around, the nightfury is always going to be a little different. It always was.

But they’re all nice to Toothless. Because who could dislike him, and because he’s Hiccup’s dragon. And maybe a bit, because they really do not want to end up on the bad side of the nightfury. When he’s with Hiccup - which fortunately, he is most of the time - it’s alright. But no one want’s to be alone with the nightfury. He’s different then. He’s a bit colder. A bit more distant. They can tell they’re being tolerated. Even the rest of the riders, while Toothless does like them, have a healthy amount of…let’s just call it respect, for Toothless.

And Hiccup pretends he has no clue. If someone ever mentions how Toothless’ entire presence can change when Hiccup is gone, he’s just like ‘What? This little guy? Scary? Please.’ But he’s very much aware. He also knows that sometimes Toothless does it on purpose. And maybe, he doesn’t mind that. Maybe he kind of likes it. Maybe he likes for people to remember what kind of a being they’re dealing with and what he’s capable of.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

book 7 part 11 thoughts! (nov 29th update)

***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 PART 11 OF THE MAIN STORY!!*** This spans part 212 to part 226, focusing on Leona. Jack and Ruggie's parts can be seen here.

Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that roughly unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.

The gang lands in… Sunrise City again? Importantly, there is a new effect that plays which differentiates it from the Sunrise City of Ruggie’s dream. There are now dust and tumbleweeds.

Ruggie and Jack are totally fine with the turbulent flight over, since they’re used to bumpy rides on brooms while playing magift/spelldrive. Azul, however, is not doing so hot (because of the flight + weather). Ruggie takes pity on the poor octoboi and looks for a stall to buy him a cheap drink like tea or something. That’s when Ruggie notices something weird… the city is way more desolate than usual, and many of the stalls that are normally selling are no longer there or are closed up.

He tries to talk to some NPCs, but they notice he’s a hyena and hide out of fear. Well, that’s just… odd. So the group decides to scope out the palace (the most likely place Leona would be) to get to the bottom of things!

We arrive at the outskirts of the palace and the uh… coloring… is ominous.

Silver comments that they didn’t see any royal guards so the Sunset Savanna must be a very peaceful country :DD (… Oh, you poor, sweet, summer child…)

Ruggie tells him that no, this is definitely strange! Normally there would be many female guards around, in what world would it be easy to sneak into a palace undetected?! The current head of the royal guard is a female lion beastwoman, and most of the guards are females who are proud of their skill and strength. Many girls apparently do martial arts as children and then volunteer to be guards.

They come across some hyena beastmen who are laughing loudly. Their garb is that of Sunset Warriors, who, if you recall from Tamashina Mina/Cloudcalling on the Savanna, is a title that is highly coveted + honorable and earned through winning a Cat the Tail/Bead Brawl tournament (that people often train hard for). But these NPCs aren’t honorable or even that skilled to begin with, so Ruggie senses something is WAY wrong.

The NPCs become darkness (it seems the dreams are becoming a lot more actively aggressive in the Savanaclaw segments) and we beat them up.

The guards chase us but Idia uses his Mad Gamer Skills to hack open a door and then lock it so they cannot pursue us. We overhear some shouting and…!

OH MY GOSH… Kifaji finally gets s voice?!!?!?! He’s pleading with someone to take action because the country is starving.

We sneak over to the throne room (which looks frighteningly similar to that one scene where Scar is lounging on rocks which poor Zazu is caged)… AnD YUP TheRE GE iS 😭 LEONA THE pRINcE (KINg) OF sUNSET SaqvCANNA)

AD BfsvkugvukevuylFI GOYQELGQEGIOYOG7QEOfwp9FFG9Fw HORYKAM AFDK DFHBLAGIOEYEQOGAGENNAGOUIAG OOTL THAT KLSOoKKS NICE AFN HADBLADBIHLDBIADGBIADGIOYGOVUEGYAIOAGABHIG KFDGSBHJDGBHLAGBIAGEIBGE PLEA DSN SE DREES LIEK THOA T LMORE PODFTNETN DFSBKLAFJAFBHLGBIUPAGIVYAAPIDMK OT AS;OBUGDAIYOADGYIADGOVIYAGOIEGPBIQEG

[Brain buffering...]

SORRY WHERE WAS I

Kifaji mentions that Leona’s father has passed from illness, and tragedy befell his older brother, Falena, and his family (I assume Cheka and the wife are also out of the picture??) so Leona has now succeeded him. In this dream, Leona claims to have “cleaned up” the slums, pushed development, and mined the hell out of the country. They made a lot of money, but… at the cost of ignoring the advice of his advisors + the public’s opposition and destroying their environment.

Leona says he won’t listen to those who cling to old customs. Kifaji admits that Leona’s plans to improve the country were innovative but still…! This is too much. He tries to get Leona to see reason by reminding Leona that people AREN’T like chess pieces. People are so different and can work in ways you may not want them to. As king, Leona HAS to understand that and work with them regardless. Unfortunately, Leona refuses to acknowledge anyone but himself as competent.

Apparently those guards from earlier were the result of Leona giving jobs to people because they needed it. Leona being Leona, however, never gave them proper training and demands that Kifaji handle that.

OH MAn 💀 They hear shouting and it seems like there is a protest outside??

Dream!Ruggie is leading a crowd. He says stuff like how Falena was a better ruler than Leona ever was. They want food, they want nature back; they don’t want a king.

LMAOv???!!?!!?,) NOT LEONA GOING “damn, if they hate it here so much then they should just leave”????? 😭 THIS IS EXACTLY WhaT OUT OF tOUCH RICH poLITICIANs SAy WHEN PEopLE XOMPLaaiN AbOUT THEiR POLICiES

Leona orders Kifaji to shut up the protestors, he can’t nap like this 💀 Some things never change, I guess…

Ruggie takes them to the same luxury hotel we stayed at for the Tamashina Mina event (he expects Idia to pay for them lmao). It looks like not even this fancy place has any ingredients left though…

Idia retreads what he said in book 6; isn’t Leona the type to realize he’s in a dream? Yet he is deeply immersed in it. Silver wonders why Leona dreams of terrible things happening (like tragedy upon his family and the people hating him) if this dream is meant to be happy. Idia suggests that this is because Leona’s dream is like a sandbox game; ie Leona is “playing around” with the possibility it provides and clearly seems to be aware of the consequences that come with it (hence the terrible things Silver mentioned earlier). So maybe he’s catastrophizing…?

cbjsvsjwkw They talk about midnight snacking for a bit??

Idia talks about procedural generation and how the dream has to accommodate + load new maps as the player shifts around. But Leona doesn’t do that??? So it’s impressive or something cbsbbskskw I could be misunderstanding this part, I don’t know how tech stuff works 💦

They brainstorm some way to take away the king’s authority… and decide to use Cheka!! Ortho downloads a 3D model from Styx and Ruggie uses his UM to puppet it!

They try to break through the protestors and things get violent 😔 ashbfbiadiab LIKE ONE FO THE GUARDS HIT A MOM AND WAS ABOUT TO HIT YUU TOO BUT GOOD BOY SILVER PROTECTS US

Sebek, Silver, and Azul fight off the hyena guards while Ortho, Ruggie, Yuu, and Grim ride on Jack’s (wolf form) back to charge in. We finally get the incantation for Unleash Beast!! “Faster, sharper, stronger! Unleash Beast!”

Inside the palace, Leona demands meat and such from Kifaji. When Kifaji tells him there is none, Leona says go outside and get it 😭 THEN HE tHRETEnS TO FRY AnD EWT KIFAJI?????? AnD tHEN HE GRIPS KIFAjI BY THE cOLLAR WhEN HE SAYS FaLEnAmS nAmR… GIRL… YOU DiD NOT… NADSKILUASLBIADIBLD NOW HE'S ATTEMPTING TO SAND GRANMPS????

Ruggie barges in, TACKLING KIFAJI???? And pretending to be Cheka (with a really dumb voice LOL). But Leona clocks him right away and dispels the hologram. He accuses Ruggie of pretending to be Cheka to start a revolution and declares that this is punishable by death.

Kifaji protects us!! He uses fire to stop Leona’s attack, confirming him as a mage too. (That’s the first time the “darkness” in the dream has gone out of its way to help us rather than hinder us. Ortho suggests it is because the dreamer’s interpretation of the characters is important; the is could lead them to prioritizing their own behaviors rather than focusing on eliminating threats to the dream.) W AH 😭 Dream!Kifaji says he wishes for Leona to wake up from this bad dream…

Leona ran away in the brawl and is now outside the palace. He stews around and mutters that it isn’t his fault, so why did things turn out like this?

The hyena guards show up and pull Leona deeper into the dream. We of course leap in after him!!

Aaaaaand HERE WE ARE, a reality in which Leona and co. were successful in trampling Malleus or something... CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE how he gloats about his stupid ass plan that would NOT actually work irl. THANKS FOR REMINDNING ME ABOUT HOW CRAP BOOK 2 WAS, OJITAN... Azul has a moment where he laments that he had nooooo idea Leona would abuse the potion they made a deal over like this. He worries that Leona would have been too cocky and started taking out top performing students as well as athletes in order to pad out Savanaclaw's future in various fields.

AW JACKKKKK 😭 He says he can't stand aside and just watch this; the Leona-senpai he knows wouldn't be satisfied winning some fake game. Even when he has accomplished everything he wanted to, Leona isn't satisfied--so they've gotta snap him out of it!! aehjfaboboafevwtvaegp PUPPY... HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS DORM LEADER, AAAAAH

We confront Leona, with Azul claiming to have saved the Diasomnia team from his machinations. Leona notices there are two Ruggies and he starts to have that splitting 'I'm noticing things are off here" headache.

The Savanaclaw mobs start shouting and demanding to know what we did to "our king". DBHLFVLFEVIYOEAIAFE JACKGETS MAD AND SAYS LEOAN ISN'T "YOUR KING" HE'S "OUR DORM LEADER"!!!!! AAAAAAAHHAHAHHHHHAHHHHH H HHAHAHAHSH H HA HAHAHAHHHH H HHHHHHH H OTL

Leona wakes up and is a little prima donna about ita sdhlbaidbafa HE TELLS THEM TO WAKE HIM UP MORE DLEICATELY NEXT TIME... BITCH YLIKE YOU AHVE ANY RIGHT TO BE MAKING DEMANDS RIGHT NOW

Darkness, enter~ The group escapes it adgkhfihblffia BUT SEBEK SAYS DLEONA DESERVES THIS AND SILVER HAS TO STOP AND SCOLD HIM FOR SAYING THAT

Ruggie got caught and is now being sucked into the darkness. Leona runs back to grab him despite Ruggie's pleas to just run LH FABYOAFAEGAEG raARE WE GETITNGF TRI GELLA S ARE WE GETITNG GOOD LEADER BIG BRO L*ONA SAN WHO WON'T ABANDON HIS MINIONS EVER?a?? ? ?? ? ?????????? ?? ??? ? OTL The others warn Jack not to run over too, but he shouts that Leona and Ruggie-senpai are back there...

Leona throws Ruggie at Jack (who catches him) but falls into the darkness as a result. Welp, time to dive in after him!

ADFHBASBIYSAASD OKAY EHRE'S THE CRINGE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR... Leona sees his OB self moping about how he'll never be king. aiubafpdasbas OB LEONA TALKS ABOUT HOW HE WANTS TO THROW FALENA AND CHEKA OFF A CLIFF A LA SCAR STYLE...

Leona says it's pathetic seeing himself like this, doesn't he have any pride? If he keeps complaining that no one understands him, keeps looking down on others, keeps desiring approval... That's just so miserable.

He does what the other OB boys have done and proceeds to punch his Phantom into the dirt. Leona tells himself that he'll get his "own throne and country someday". (As has been alluded to many times before, this doesn't refer to a literal kingdom but a metaphorical one; ie he will try to find satisfaction through routes other than the crown.) AND HE ACCEPTS THAT HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT BITTERNESS INSIDE OF HIM WISHING TO BE KING... HE ACCPETS IIITTTTTTT T T T TTTTTtTttttttTt OTL

Leona returns back to his original dream, where it has started to rain and the sun has come out. Kifaji runs up to him with the morning report and reminds his prince that everything the light touches is his domain.

Leona says it’s unnecessary and someone like him doesn’t have a claim to the throne. To this, Kifaji smiles and praises Leona for being so clever OTL HE DOESn’T GET MAd anD TRY TO gET LEOnA TO SlEEP AgAiN… "So you've finally noticed [...] that this is a dream. As expected of you. my king." WHAT SO DREAM!kIFAJI KNEW ALL ALONG????? WAS THSI A PEICE OF LEONA'S CONSCIOUSNESS THAT WAS AWARE AND DECIDED TO MANIFEST AS KIFAJI TO SAVE HIS OWN ASS?????? ? ? ?? ?? ????

LMAOOOO Leona says if he ever becomes king irl he is firing Kifaji ASAP (but we all know he won’t 😭). Using King’s Roar, Leona renders his fake kingdom to sand… and Kifaji looks on so proudly 😭 telling Leona to go to “the place where he should be”… 😭 YOu’RW KIDDIng ME EiGHTvvvvv’nnnnn’nnnM!!!????

Leona reunited with the group and… WHOA, new Jack crying sprite?!?!?! (Like a tsun, he insists he is not.)

He thinks about the noble Leona in his own dream… and how terrible his senpai are irl… but Jack says he prefers the real Ruggie and Leona any day. He’s so happy they woke up him.

NUUUUUUuUyyUuUUUUUU 😭 RUGGIe - AnD LEOn a COMFORT CryING JACKKkKKKKKKKKKKK

After that, Ortho explains everything to Leona and Leona gloats a little about how he always thought Malleus would go and do something dumb like this. When Ortho invites Leona to join their party, Leona says he passes and would rather nap. He claims he’s exhausted cuz he saw sooo many unpleasant nightmares, so he’ll wait here ‘til everyone is ready to punch Malleus. Azul can handle things for him.

But then Ortho points out that Ruggie, Jack, and especially Azul took a lot of damage in his dream. Azul is battered quite a bit because he was busy dispatching royal guards! This guilts Leona enough for him to change his mind and join us.

Aaaand that’s if for this update!

Mmm... Part of me feels validated because many of the ideas I proposed in this analysis of Leona vs Falena's ruling styles were showcased in Leona's dream. For example, Leona disregarded public opinion, prioritized development without considering the input of advisors, and everyone grew to resent him because of that. When Tamashina Mina first came out, a common sentiment was siding with Leona and declaring that his plans would better the country + he would make a much better king that Falena when, clearly, development is a very delicate and not-so-easy thing to achieve... I'm glad that Twst took a realistic approach to this. That’s not to say I think Leona would really be a shit ruler or that things would get as bad as they do in his dream. I just don’t think he’s prepared to handle that presently. It’s good that he’s now focusing on graduating and he applied for that internship that will bo doubt help him gather the knowledge and skills he needs to help his country. If he keeps working hard, I’m sure he can be the sort of person that brings the rain to the savanna.

I thought the idea to pretend to be Cheka and return to claim the throne was interesting, but ultimately it went nowhere since Leona immediately knew it was a fake. This felt more like an excuse to have Ruggie and Jack use their mouse mandated UMs for the dream segments... I wish they had actually done more with this. Maybe I'm biased because I think Ruggie's fake Cheka voice was hilarious www

There were TONS of Lion King references in this dream, HOLY CRAP. AND LEMME TELL YOU, IW AS SLURPING IT ALL UP. Not because I like the movie (I think it's alright), BUT BECAUSE I'M AN AVID ZAZU X SCAR SHIPPER... (They're peak enemies to lovers, don't @ me) OTL (TO BE CLEAR THOUGH, I DO NOT SHIP LEONA AND KIFAJI. Please don't mix them up!!)

Speaking of Zazu and Scar!! It was cool to see Kifaji in the dream...! His role was so refreshing too. I loved that he wasn't actually hostile, protected us, and actively wanted Leona to "wake up" from this bad dream. I think that's so reflective of the real Kifaji too... He's stern on Leona but it's only because he cares for Leona's wellbeing and wants to see him at his best, not constantly brooding over what he cannot have. And the fact that dream!Kifaji knew all along it was a dream and wished so hard for Leona to wake from it... it implies to me that, for all the shit Leona slings at Kifaji, he actually relies on the old guy as a source of comfort. Kifaji was probably his one and only friend in the palace and one of the few people who continued to believe in him... BEST BIRD GRANDPA, HANDS DOWN.

I'm sliiiightly disappointed that Leona wasn't awake the entire time; this definitely felt like a missed opportunity but at least Idia addressed what he said back in book 6 and provided a reason for it (even if I think the reason is flimsy). This might be cope on my part, but I think... part of Leona's self-awareness came through in how dream!Kifaji manifested. Maybe, just maybe... that Kifaji is the one shred of hope Leona has left for himself... Not just the part of him that knows this is a dream, but also the part of him that believes he can change and be a truly "good" ruler... AGAIN, PROBABLY COPE BUT LET ME DREAM.

Another character I felt really shone this update (besides Kifaji) was JACK. This shocks me because I don't really like him as a character but MAN, did he shine... He was the one who noticed Leona is unhappy even within his own dream where he has everything he could ever want. He's the one who shouts at the dream!mobs that Leona isn't THEIR king, he's HIS dorm leader. ANKDBHLADBILAIBA ASND THEN HE CRIED AND GOT ALL TSUNDERE ABOUT IT... THE SENPAI RUSHED TO COMFOR T HIM AJKDHAKHAFVAFVOEFUQEFTLFIHAFLEFWTUEOFIYPAFOB THAT WAS ADORABLE!!!! 😭😭😭 This update and the last really showed me Jack's true appeal...

asbkhlabiylfailyveioyqegi I LOVE HOW HTHSJ UPADATE JUST ENDS WITH ELONA SAYING HE'S GOING TO FUCKING TAKE A NAP... but then he gets off his ass and joins us after everyone reminds him how tired the others are and how hard his underclassmen worked to get through to him. HE'S REALLY NOT BEAITN GHT E "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE KIDS BUT I SECRETLY DO CARE ABOUT THE KIDS" ALLEGATIONS . CVL;,SKJ'NGD;OBGDBIEGIFQWVGUEQVQE UQEO YFy vao ygFWOI Vf OTL

Not sure if I 100% get why this part had to be update separate of Ruggie and Jack’s part…? I mean, Kifaji helping us out and Leona having some amount of self-awareness was nice but I don’t think it was major enough to warrant waiting another week to see.

Next up is Heartslabyul which is in early December. It’s coming up quickly!

[anonymocha]

finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i dont need to pretend to simp that Guy just because everyone else in my friend group does

[feminurge]

gale, pressing words into her mouth as if she had spoken them-- there, in this space where she is the shape he made her, she exhales softly at the poetrics death can bring about. she is a lovely thing, transformed by his good heart. perhaps in another life she is that exact creature, one that does not adore the spilled guts and the pools of blood.

however the truth is that she meant corpses; true corpses. beauty in the decomposition. beauty in the horrid truth of what comes once the spirit has been cut, as easily as a thread. red, yes, red like the spilt blood on her hands, the one on the blade, the one that she tastes when the knife glides on her tongue. beauty, yes. in-between the unfocusing of the eyes and the last exhale stands a secret most cannot handle.

and that secret, as all precious things, deserves its bit of worship.

perhaps it is what she finds beautiful in the wizard: he, too, holds a secret that most would not be able to handle. a corpse that refuses its rot, that finds rhymes for its demise, that remains standing even after the final blow. she could not kill him, for that would be ruining the secrecy of his ways-- it would end the delicious game of his survival. she supposes that kicking a dead corpse would be as satisfying as taking gale's last breath. even if it were bitten between her own lips. even if it were stolen with a kiss. even if it were the worst betrayal ever committed.

gods, would he not give it to her, were she to ask? would he not help? disgust seizes her. disgust, and something else-- something warm, like blood.

"i would not know." she admits it easily, as one would comment on the weather. none of her own that she can possibly remember. perhaps it is for the best: no point in entertaining the idea that she is a monster capable of love. desire, yes. she has felt it-- she simmers in it quite easily. like a fire looking for moths to burn.

at the mention of dismemberement, she grins wildly, "how delicious." illuminated by the fire, she appears to be a hellish creature of white gold. the electricity of her gaze, almost luminous, sparks with amusement. "is it not joyous? to cut one's limb off & remain entirely free to grow another. or a thousand." she looks at his journal, then, following the gaze of the wizard with ease. he is quite a read himself, but she finds herself fluent. perhaps it is because he is an easy study, all rough lines, so eager to be perceived.

"why should i be apologizing?" she asks him, "why should you?" she rises from her seat, then, only to crawl closer. istar is a peculiar individual, sometimes more animal than human, inhabited by habits quite difficult to explain away and with no probable causes. unapologetic, yes, even in the way she moves: fast as lightning, agile as a lizard. once she is close enough, her right hand is raised toward his chest. hovering, close to feel the warmth of human skin; the pull of his rot, of his hunger.

gods, perhaps she is a bit apologetic. how terrible to pretend she is doing a good act when, really, she is so very curious to see if he would have the guts to devour her. magic and all. sometimes it feels like he might be the only one who can. when the feast is done and she lays on her bedroll, the voices quiet down. the blood simmering in her veins becomes a gentle river. her joints start to hurt. her thoughts loose themselves in impossibilities that have yet to die. it is peaceful. it is such a pitiful thing to desire.

and yet.

"always the martyr, wizard." she whispers. "do i not know of being cut in two?" magic flows, then, from her hand; a small tendril of lightning, immediately swallowed by the hungry orb within him. (strange, perhaps, that no incantation has to be spoken)

she sighs softly, mouth parted, and it takes her a moment to continue. "the sum of who i am is what you have encountered. all that came before is lost to the ether. i believe considering my estimated age that i have not been halved, but quartered." a small quiver, the sting of magic being ripped from her very skin. but then the same demented smile, "it is not my duty to apologize for all that is missing. nor is it yours. and if anyone has been stupid enough to steal from us, then they should encounter our wrath."

loved? no, nothing like that. but she knows that she has been feared. that whatever is within her-- that hunger, that rage-- it could topple empires.

Interesting. "...I'm guessing what you meant to say was that there would be beauty even in death. Well, if beauty truly would lie in the eye of the beholder, then I would desire nothing more than to see myself through yours." It's disgusting, isn't it?, how he would say such things with such terrible ease. He should wonder if it skeeves her to so witness the measure of this dear friend's heart. She could dawdle on murder, dream of organs strung like jewels to hang upon her neck, and every morning with the birdsong and a greeting from this wizard, he would look find her, treat her, and think she's suns. It's -- vile, is what it is. It's borderline liable to trouble one's guts. But there is a beauty in this madness, in commanding so easily that trust he would give. She could long to see him dead, to snip at all his flesh and to rummage through his bones, and perhaps in fondness, he may just let her...

Perhaps in fondness, he'd help her, too.

And wouldn't that be nice, to lower down and sleep in the hovel of his chest? She could nest in there longly with all the warmth tucked tight in his smashed-splintered ribs. He could protect her from nothing, this hunter, this prowler, and this abominable killer. She's come crawling from a nightmare, a thing birthed from vents in those hells of ruin, and what monster would slither to try her in her sleep? She's queen. She, looking at him, is always safe.

No. He is nothing like Halsin, and he's no sense, none at all, like the rest of their group. Still, the man's love in droves, a lamb that truly views her as worthy of his efforts. And perhaps it all makes sense. Perhaps that's the reason she would hate him dead. He can't give her much, not when he would fester in the open as a corpse, but that warmth that would leave him as his heart took to slumber... In life and only then, it will stubbornly persist.

Yes. He could offer her his praise. He could hold her in his arms if she would only want it. All that fealty on his tongue and hammered in his marrow... Even the daughter of death-gods require devotion.

"Ahem. You, um, don't exactly mince your words, do you? It's not exactly an easy affair, loathed as I am to admit it," Gale finds himself saying, "to detangle oneself entirely from a lover." How unfortunate. "Sacrificing a half of yourself for the half of someone else would leave any parting like a...violent dismemberment." Or an amputation, he thinks, as you're buckled and fastened atop a blood-dripping gurney, lopped by a bonesaw of your rot-eaten arm. Ugh. He feels amputated, truthfully, a gruesome phantom pain still gnawing at his nerves. The blight is festering, climbing up greedily like ivies in their journey up a rain-eaten trellis. It renders him hollow, his mind still foggy even as they speak. He's still not entirely whole, scurrying on his knees to pick up those pieces his goddess had shattered, but where Mystra's sharp heel would plunge in his neck, Istar's own has never hurt him. She just...watches him there, collecting himself, failing, collecting himself again. She sounds so stoic, her words as clear as her face as the starlight paints her brow. She's nothing to hide, baring all of herself like the midnight were the morning. He doesn't know how she does it, speak in that way and yet spirit his heart. She's sank her claws in his mind, his attention for tonight entirely on her. What had he been doing before she'd come here? Oh, right. Wallowing. Shaking his head, he peers back down to eye his journal with his poetry. "But you would look to me as though I were something whole, wouldn't you? Truly, as I told you, I would do most anything to walk the world in your shoes," he says, seemingly to her. "Everything about you is so...no word can do it justice. I suppose I'll just have to settle on unapologetic."

Yes. Would he have her as should she offer herself? Would he feast off that magic rumbling lively in her heart? He would. Once, twice, thrice. Indeed, how very, very marvelous.

"I would hope you don't know the feeling, to feel so unceremoniously halved." Has she ever sacrificed herself? Loved?

[muirmarie]

thinking about if tos mccoy had died before romulus was destroyed, tos spock could've been carrying his not-quite-a-katra during the events of the aos movies

[naivety]

very weird to frame your abuse apologia as being aware that the writers intended to illustrate a mutually harmful dynamic and not an abusive one. when the writers in question also wrote the line 'once you put it out there, they [the audience] decide what it is' because nothing you ever create has any innate definition. when the writers in question decided to racebend major characters and then showcase them being harmed by white or nonblack characters in a repeatedly racialized pattern when they Did Not Have To Do That and then genuinely or disingenuously decide to dialogue about their directly or indirectly illustrated racialized dynamic of intimate partner violence within and outside the narrative. like to be quite honest it does not matter what they intended because this is what they made and this is how it Looks to a notably large amount of people. who just happen to be interpreting it wrong? according to what metric? the very metric they say Doesn't Work in their own fictional creation? ok

[pardonmydelays]

my job makes me want to kill myself but maybe spending all my money on theatre tickets is the way

[hella1975]

i have such a reputation that four separate people incorporated pringles into my birthday gifts. be that girl

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

[theinfinitedivides]

i've screamed about this before several times during the (rather minimal) promotion period but. there's something so !!! about Rubi lashing out with the stem of a broken champagne flute flipping a man over her f*cking shoulder and Pathaan going '....oh' but that 'oh' is actually '....oh. ma'am if you would be so kind as to f*ck me—' just not in so many words and i think that's so iconic of him

[k0kichiimagines]

i hate writing cvs and teachers r useless at help i love them and i appreciate it but "i have no skills to put on my cv what should i put" - "aww no everyone has skills just think of something"

[lieutenant-amuel]

Why have you stopped writing was born to lead?

I… didn’t want to answer this question. But it seems like you misunderstood me a little, because I’ve never said I’m stopping to write WBTL. It’s on hiatus now, it’s not abandoned.

Anyway, I admit I had a lot more dramatic~ answer to this question in my head when I first saw it, but after all I realized the main reason I’m stepping away from publishing the chapters is… life.

There are too many external factors that prevent me from being as productive as I’d like to be and given the fact I’m a lot more emotional than I think I am (damn it), I know I’ll be way too harsh on myself for not updating often (I update almost every month now, which, I think, is often enough, given how long my chapters are).

But I write this fic for joy only. And I want it to bring me joy only. The way to achieve it is to write it for myself. But I want to assure you that the fic is not abandoned. I just stop publishing the chapters until the entire story is finished.

I have no idea when I finish it. But for now, I just hope I’ll manage to do it.

I’m actually on hiatus now (and no, this is not some summer vacation hiatus, as I said I won’t publish the chapters until I finish the story, so it’s going to be quite a long lasting hiatus) and I won’t write anything for at least a month (unless I’ll get hit by some extremely cool idea that I’d want to write down right away), because I have some big plans in terms of outline and editing.

But that’s actually a good thing, because it means WBTL is not escaping from my head. If you want to send me my characters for the OCs ask games, or give me suggestions for the story, or simply talk about it with me, please do. I won’t mind. On the contrary, I’ll be extremely happy to know that any of you are still interested.

I hope it clears things up and you understand why I’ve made this decision.

[kraviolis]

why did i immediately cling to the most psychologically unwell characters in nopixel. what does that say about me

[featherymainffins]

I think it's really funny how most people who do any hobby I also do cannot talk to me at all because I don't understand any of the theory. I just do things and they work.

[renniferno]

i am not my body

being this weird. meeting of so many disabilities and being queer on top of it has done some really fucky things to my identity and concept of self.

My thoughts on what makes someone who they are as an identity is that it's all choice. You are who you CHOOSE to be. You decide if you like or dislike something, from things as simple to taste in music, all the way up to where you stand on global current events. (I'm not getting into any of that right now, that is not the point of this post.)

Like, who I am in as much as who I have decided to be is someone that tries really hard to make a positive impact on the lives around me. I try to compliment people if I see something worth complimenting, like an outfit or makeup or how they've done their hair. I try to smile when I accidentally meet eyes with a stranger. I try, very hard actually, to be a force of what I perceive as 'good' in the world.

Take that, and wrap it up in also all the choices that make up taking care of myself. I want to be able to have a positive impact on the lives around me, and to do that, I have to be a minimal type of functional. I need to eat or my body breaks down. I need a social life or my mind breaks down, etc etc.

But then you throw in these things that people see as me but are not choices: I did not choose to have adhd. I did not choose depression, or anxiety, or ptsd or the events that lead to it, I did not choose to have a body so full of errors in the code that it is literally falling apart.

So I have this disconnect from who I am and what my body is like. My body isn't me because my body wasn't my choice. There are things I can do to change parts of it, but I can't fix that I have a genetic disorder that said 'hey fuck your connective tissues.' or that my body will attack my intestines if I eat gluten.

I accept that my body is mine, in as much as it is the only way I have to interact with the universe, but it isn't me. I use it to move around, I use it to converse and create, but it's a tool. People see it and assume they see me, but I really don't feel like they do.

I look at my body and see something to hate, something that hurts and moves incorrectly sometimes and does things it shouldn't. I see an identity that people have assigned to me, but not myself.

I feel like other people look at my body and see things that they assume is me. They don't feel the way it malfunctions, they don't know that I can feel my knees grinding together with every step, they aren't in my head when the brain fog kicks in.

It's infuriating because they're using the same senses as me to determine the correct and polite ways to address me, but it really does feel like they're talking to the body, and not me. They see the body as part of who I am, and that's not their fault.

But I am not my body. I'm just the pilot. I don't understand what makes people feel like a gender, fuck, I don't even understand what gender is. I know it's an important part of identity and that people feel very strongly about it, but I have no real way to work the idea in my head. Gender feels like such a body thing.

It feels easier to think of it as a meat mech I have to keep functional as my only point of interacting with the universe at large, something that enables me to take in information.

I didn't really have anywhere I was going with this other than 'im agender because i identify as literally anything other than the meat of my physical form, because i am the choices i've made and the actions I commit myself to and not the broken down form that is my only way to interact with the world' in this weird overlap between disabilities and queer-ness.

and it can't even eat normal bread. like. c'mon. you're going to make me deal with all that AND take away sourdough english muffins? what the fuck.