#i have soo many ideas but not enough to make a fic

[maskedbutsilly]

ive seen so much police x criminal tntduo au, but no one talks about police x police?? forced partners, enemies to lovers. it has so much potential guys hear me out. “with all due respect sir british minds and americans minds do not mix.” “what the fuck are you talking about.” “soot, you cant just pull a stunt like that! you’ll get us all killed!” “no, no im done listening you. now you listen to my plan.” “when we’re done with this, i hope you leave and never come back.” “me too.” “i’ve been through what you have.” “its gr-uhs, not gr-ass!” “prick, you’re gonna get yourself killed.” “if i die here im gonna haunt you and bite your ankles.” “don’t you dare die on me you asshole.” “are you leaving?” “do you want me to?” “fuck, no. don’t go.” “okay.” “okay.”

[mr-bas00nist]

could I get a subby Toji fic or even a drabble at some point plz? i love him soo much but I don't see many fics with him for domtop male reader

Rough Em’ Up!

☁︎-Sub! Fushiguro Toji x Mean! Dom! Male! Reader

☁︎-Cw: Rough sex, readers a big guy with a big dick, prostitution, slight size kink, impact play, degradation, blowjob, hair-pulling and overstimulation

You’d heard of the infamous Toji Fushiguro from buddies of yours. Men and women who couldn’t brag enough on his behalf on how hot this guy was and how much of a good fuck he was. Whether you were the type of guy to bang a prostitute or not you didn’t have too much interest in Toji. Especially with how “known” he was in the community.

Which is why you had no idea how you wound up with numerous dollars in hand as Toji sat on the bed with you. You were just hanging out with friends at the bar when you felt a pair of strong hands envelope your shoulders. You saw him lean over, breath hot with a twinge of smoke in it. Your friends looked at you in awe, you wouldn’t be surprised if they were popping boners at just the sight of the man.

You couldn’t say he wasn’t attractive. You turned over and raised an eyebrow at him as you took a sip of your drink. “Can I help you?” You asked the man with an unamused look, although you couldn’t hide how your eyes raked over his form. “Think you can. Got a few bucks to spare and I can make it the night of your life.” He hummed, scarred lip curling in a smug grin.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Fuck it…. What’d you really have to lose? He smirked as you slid him over a 20 to get things rolling. Based on what your friends told you it was obvious he put a discount on for you. You grabbed his chin as you began making out with the man, the room seemingly getting hotter the longer you two were in it. When you pulled back you licked his neck and sucked a hickey into it.

He looked down noticing the tent in your pants. “Throw in 50 more and I’ll take care of that for you big boy.” He licked his scar with an intrigued look as you huffed grabbing another 50 before sliding it to him. He smiled as he put the money aside before pulling your dick out. You watched as his eyes widened and his mouth drop.

He peers up at you with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve been hiding this monster huh?” He stuck his tongue out before licking you from the base of your cock to the head. You hummed feeling a small shiver run up your spine. He let out a small groan as he circled his tongue around your slit to tease.

“I didn’t pay you good money for you to tease.” You slapped the back of his head making him let out a small grunt. “Don’t be such a dick…” He murmured with flush in his cheeks before his warm mouth enveloped your cock. You moaned softly as he began bobbing up and down. It was obvious he knew what the hell he was doing and to be fair you enjoyed it.

After a few moments though you got impatient, you shoved him down onto your cock as he let out a small gurgle before peering up at you. You could tell he barely had a gag reflex as the only noises you could hear was his sharp breaths and soft moans. You pulled him off of you as a string of drool connected you two. You grabbed another 50 before handing it to him.

“Ass up face down.” You demanded as he raised an eyebrow. “I’m supposed to be-“ you slapped him across the face before he let out a whorish moan at the sensation. “I paid you. Ass up face down.” You spoke once again as he clicked his tongue with visible annoyance, his aching cock definitely contradicted his look though.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Did Toji have any idea why he gave you a discount? Yes, because you were hot. Did he have any idea why he let you degrade and slap him around? Yes, because you were hot. Does he have any idea why he’s letting you tarnish his dominant reputation by currently dicking him down like some commonwhore? Yes, because you’re hot.

You had your foot on his head with your hands on his hips as you pulled him right back into you. How many times did he cum? Who knows. You let out audible grunts and groans as you fucked the living hell out of him. He had his face against the bed as he drooled with eyes rolled back into his head.

He was letting out broken moans and whimpers as you degraded him. “Shit- you really do live up to expectations huh? Take dick like a whore… do you usually let guys fuck you like this?” You asked hitting his prostate head on with each thrust into his tight hole.

He didn’t answer, obviously not catching your words. So you pressed more weight onto your foot as it brought him back to the real world. “Ah- what?” He raised a confused eyebrows, tears running down his face from the pain and pleasure. You pulled your foot off of his head before leaning down whispering into his ear.

“Do you usually let guys fuck you like this?” You whispered in a sweet tone. He let out a tired groan before shaking his head rapidly. “J-just you…” You smirked. “Everyone else to pussy to give you what you deserve?” You asked to which he nodded. “Yeah, I get it. Sometimes whores like you just need to get dicked down.”

You pulled him back into you fucking him doggy while pulling back his shaggy black hair. He reached down to his sensitive cock as he stroked it in time with your rough thrusts. He had no idea when his orgasm came but fuck was it intense. Especially when he passed out.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

He opened his eyes as he felt beams of sun hitting his face. He groggily groaned as he felt blankets over him. He sat up as he looked over to the nightstand seeing a glass of water and some pain meds. He raised an eyebrow with a hum as he saw a hundred dollar bill on the counter.

There was a note from you? “Sorry I was so rough, been really pent up and angry lately. Thanks for letting me take it out on you, rest up.” Short but sweet he had to admit. He cracked his neck with a smirk on his face as he noticed the number at the bottom before speaking to himself.

“He seems like a keeper…”

A/n: First manwhore fic ��🙏🏽 lmao, another fun write. It was fun writing him getting roughed up, deserved tbh 🤷🏽‍♂️ (jk I love you my misunderstood no cursed energy having king)

[cannellee]

TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ★

୨୧ yandere! alpha! kazutora x omega! reader

synopsis: kazutora is utterly obssessed with you and turns yandere once you start hanging out with other people. but what happens when he goes too far...?

cw : bullying, manipulation, controlling/possessive behaviour, r@pe attempt (not kazutora), assault, angst to comfort?

note : I'm so so sorry for not posting for nearly 2ish months🙏 here's a little something that was sitting in my drafts for a while now, hope you'll like it! I'll try to get back to posting stuff before the end of the year!!

note 2 : I recently read a lot of fics with omega drop inside and I wanted to give it a try!! I'm so unhappy with how the end turned out, but I can't think of anything else to write soo... + it's so rushed, pls don't hate me🙏

MY MASTERLIST: ★

just imagine bully!kazutora, who decides to attend school regularly just to see his favourite omega every day!

he develops this weird obsession for you and can't stop himself from thinking about you 24/7. at first he's talking to you in the most casual way he can, asking you about school homework, what food you had for lunch...

you don't find him repulsive at all despite the rumours : he isn't violent and overwhelming despite his affiliation to a gang. so you engage in small conversations with him, almost finding yourself in a secluded space with just the two of you more often than you can remember. but kazutora has been nothing but a nice alpha with you! so you let your guard down.

his mean behaviour didn't start until the summer break. you discovered yourself and gained confidence, going out more and discussing with more people than you used to.

when kazutora was one of the rare people occupying your already tiny social circle, he now was one friend among so many. of course he had that special place in your heart, but how could he know ? regardless, it wasn't enough for kazutora.

he felt a burning jealousy consuming him wholeheartedly whenever you gave that new friend of yours more attention than him.

you used to be so shy and awkward, timidly walking up to him in hopes he'll talk to you. now kazutora has to witness his omega act like a social butterfly, smiling and hugging others like it's no big deal.

he's fuming. he doesn't want the thousand girls fanning over him and he couldn't care less about the people gathering around him to try and befriend him.

no, kazutora fell for you first and wants nothing more than your precious bubbly self for him to see only. what do you mean you have to cut short your daily walks home because some nobody invited you to the library ?

kazutora lives that as a betrayal and can't even fathom the idea of you slowly slipping away from him. he just had to do something. he felt sick to his stomach just thinking about you with someone else, about some alpha making moves even though he didn't even get the chance to properly kiss you or hold your hand.

but kazutora is smart. kazutora is charismatic. kazutora is an alpha with a sweet and charming smile. his bad reputation flew over people's heads whenever he flashed them his signature smile followed by his sugar-coated words.

you didn't think much about it when some people started avoiding you, interacting with you less and less. those were the ones you only made small talks with once in a while.

some started to throw you weird looks, whispering after you passed in front of them to join your locker. you frowned a bit, but no harm was done so you shrugged it off.

it was all too progressive to be a coincidence. first the rumours, then the physical bothering and finally, people outward causing you abuse.

it was scary and off-putting how everyone seemed to have turned their back on you, bullying you like you never laughed together just a month ago.

you pondered and questioned yourself, absolutely clueless about the unfair treatment. you now came to school with an unbearable pit to your stomach, scared as to what other students would come up with today.

while some deliberately left your side and bothered you for a couple of days, they soon got bored and simply proceeded to ignore you. but there was this particular friend group, which seemed adamant to keep persecuting you under any circumstances.

a few betas and alphas, everyday pushing you to the edge, cornering you in the empty locker room and tormenting you or literally destroying your belonging when you had your back turned.

it was all too much. everyone just disappeared from your life and you were left with a growing fear and apprehension. your usual vanilla scent was reduced to ashes, barely present, meanwhile you kept your mouth shut most of the time, sometimes even going days without talking to anyone at all.

it took a toll on your mental health, your instincts not fit for such a lonely life. you were made to be cajoled and appreciated, to enjoy life and make your loved ones happy.

you didn't have anyone anymore. you tried a few times to catch your closest friends in the hallway whenever you saw them pass before you, but none of them spared you a glance, hurriedly mumbling apologies before looking around them with fear in their eyes.

nothing made sense anymore. not even kazutora, who you thought was a genuine friend, helped you. he still attended school with an impressive diligence, you caught him sometimes talking to your bullies whenever the six of them ate together during lunch.

you had taken the habit to spend your lunchtime at the back of the school, far from everyone. you enjoyed those moment sof peace, even being able to keep an eye on them from where you were. you coul easily spot them without you being visible.

kazutora towered over them like a self-proclaimed leader, while they all listened to him with respect. kazutora was far stronger than them and could simply order them around the way he'd like.

you often wondered why he would take part in such a horrible thing, tormenting you as if you actually deserved it. what surprised you was how he seemed to never actually commit those said acts himself, making you even question if he was behind it all.

still, you kept your distance from him. your own feeling of betrayal hanging heavy in your mind at kazutora's indifference towards you.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

you fell on your butt after a particularly mean push to your shoulder. you looked up, wide-eyed and scared, the sound of laughter entering your ears as you watched their smirk deepen.

you hung out later than usual at the library, studying until it was all but dark outside. you carefully packed your stuff without any worries, not expecting anyone at this hour.

but to your luck, the same exact people were there, waiting for you like a pack of starved hyenas. you pushed past them, hoping that would keep them from bothering you any further, their sadistic urges already satisfied.

their pheromones felt especially menacing tonight, you didn't know if it was your mind playing tricks, feeling more vulnerable than ever now that you were all on your own and exhausted.

your instincts exhorted you to flee from here when they grabbed your shoulder to make you turn around. you couldn't dare look up, their sickening laughs doing enough to make you beyond scared.

they trashed you around, taking pleasure in your lack of power, your optimistic self easily defeated by the days spent in fear and anxiety. you instinctively reacted to their scents, your limbs automatically shaking, mind cloudy, trying its best to protect itself.

you could only cry pitifully when one of them threw you, forcing you to make contact with the floor once again. and when his eyes lingered over your figure in a predatory gaze, a smirk streching his lips and his tongue passing over it, you felt your blood run cold.

you searched for any ounce of humanity in his friends' eyes, hoping they'll realise that they were going too far and eventually call out the alpha. finding none, you felt yourself slipping awat by the second, your senses way too overly stimulated by their treatment.

you cried harder, his hands feeling like knives digging into your flesh, a ruthless attempt at stripping you away from what little dignity you had left.

he sat on top of you, his weight forcing a few coughs out of you, unable to breathe properly. he continued his assault comfortably, his friends cheering him on with no regard to how your whole world went crashing down in this exact moment, all your strenght abandoning you, unable to fight anymore.

your mind went blank, trying so hard to process what had just happened to you when you felt one of his friend pull him off of you. mumbling something about kazutora and telling the alpha that they scared you enough.

he reluctantly agreed with an angry growl and a condescending slap to your cheek, knowing kazutora was far too scary to go further with his omega. he mockingly barked at you to be grateful, but you couldn't hear him, nor could you move.

you simply laid there, a pool of tears clouding your vision, tiny and pathetic cries leaving your soar throat. you couldn't protect yourself from the unshakable feeling of terror and helplessness and nobody was there to give you support.

you really were all on your own.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

you woke up in the softness of your nest, memories blurry and confused, yet all your senses vividly alert. the blankets and pillows were in a mess, mascara smeared across your cheeks, your high-school uniform still on and furiously torn apart, and the smell of blood floating in the air.

after dragging yourself back to your home, you had used all your remaining strenght and could no longer move. yesterday was your last straw and all you could do was lay on your side, head pounding from all the crying and feeling like a lifeless doll.

you felt like a stranger in your own body, unable to shake off the overwhelming fear. you couldn't find any source of solace, your nest wasn't even yours anymore, it felt foreign. you didn't feel safe anywhere.

you slowly let your thoughts consume you.

you couldn't do it, you weren't brave enough, strong enough. you had been able to handle it for the first few months but you felt yourself fall deeper into this nightmare and your were afraid you would never be able to get out of it.

kazutora didn't think much about your absence at school today, he was visibly disappointed to not be able to see his favourite omega, but didn't pry too much.

after a day turned into two, then three and then almost twoweeks now, he grew more and more concerned. he was agitated, pissed off by the situation, skipping classes the second he didn't see you there. he tried calling you multiple times a day, left you a hundred of messages and despite the strangeness of his sudden concern for you, he had expected you'd answer them, or at least read them. but you didn't.

he was left in the dark and was surprised at himself to have let you flee his eyes for this much time, almost instinctively sensing the abnormal urgency in your absenteeism. he had consulted those meaningless people he used to isolate you, kazutora was such a threat on his own that he was sure they couldn't have possibly lied straight to his face. or is it that they've took it too far ? kazutora knew he had warned them about it, scaring you was fine, tormenting you was fine, anything beyong that was like asking for death.

he found himself at you doorstep the same exact day, a plastic bag full of various medicines just in case. he knocked, waited, but heard nothing. he tried smelling you through the cracks, your heat scent usually so strong it literally slips from under. but he sensed nothing, comfirming you had no academically right reason to not attend school for such a long period of time.

he called your name, screamed it in desperation, banged on your door to try and stir up some movement from inside, but everything was dreadfully calm.

a million thoughts went through kazutora's mind when he broke into your home. he breathed in your familiar scent, the same one that instantly made him feel all sorts of things the way no other omega ever did. he took a minute to observe his surroundings, smiling at how cute and friendly you had decorated your place. despite the unusual darkness, it was indeed very charming. kazutora thought it suited you very well.

when he kept going further into the hallway, a strange feeling flooded his body. despite his excitement to finally see your face after two weeks, he somehow felt anxious. he didn't know what to expect. had you finally crumbled under the pressure of having no one by your side ? did kazutora break you enough that you'd seek comfort near anyone who would offer you a helping hand, even if that person was him ?

oh how did he want to have you all for himself once again, to have you back in his arms, talking to him with your shy eyes, teeth biting your lips in nervousness and too intimidated to even think about leaving his side.

what sight awaited him inside your room? will you welcome him, tears of relief and happiness flooding your eyes upon seeing someone care about you? after all this time of fighting alone, fending for yourself like a frail lamb when your whole purpose was to rely on others ?

kazutora couldn't wait to become your saviour, to chase away those annoying people who had dared mess with you, even if it was all his fault. you just would have to give him one word, one proof of affection and he'll immediately be on his way to teach them a lesson.

he opened your door, feeling entitled to do so without even asking. he frenetically searched for you, nose instantly trying to pick up your sweet scent. you were curled up between a pile of blankets, frame shaking and your fists desperately clutching the fabric.

he frowned slightly, yet still unaware of the alarming state you were in and approached you slowly. he smiled when he took notice of the teddy bear he had gifted you a few months prior, his chest warming up with pride upon seeing how hard it was pressed against your chest.

he gently called your name, nudging you just a little bit to get you to open your eyes. not wanting to scare you, he made himself as small as possible, voice barely above a whisper and movements as slow as he could.

but you couldn't move an inch and kazutora soon realised that your whole body was burning up, and not from a heat. he checked your forehead, watched how your breathing was weak despite being shaky and finally took in the terrifyingly rotten smell of your scent, nothing like he had expected upon entering your room.

although delusional, his instincts couldn't ignore and misinterpret the distressed pheromones your whole body emitted. reacting immediately to them, he softly caressed your face, removed you from inside the covers and took your worn out body in his arms.

he tried stimulating you by saying your name as kindly as possible, his own body burning up from the stress and creeping guilt slowly consuming him after linking everything together. was that the consequences of his actions? he looked at your face, torn with pain and fear, noticing with horror the purple bruise on your wrist and the equally awful red marks on your neck and arms, some even bleeding.

he showered you with his own pheromones, using nature's ways to force you into a calmer state.

what has he done? was it all his fault? he should've known you weren't this brave and should've known you'd need him sooner. he should've taken the hint and go to you instead of observing you slowly falling apart and delaying the moment when he'd finally come at your rescue.

he watched as you slowly but surely came back to him, eyes blinking up at him, unable to comprehend what was going on. you were all dopey and insanely fragile, your mental state on the verge of a cliff, threatening to fall if you were to be feeling any bit of discomfort.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

surpringly enough, you had warmed up to kazutora faster than he had expected. when anxiety plagued you with its torments, he was the one you instinctively reached out to, his scent carrying a sense of comfort and safety.

it was unfair how he could prevent your mind from torturing you any further when he was the primary culprit. you weren't even able to get a full night of rest because of it, and now you were accorded sleep because he decided it was best for you.

he literally drugged you with his pheromones during the period you were more than vulnerable, unable to take care of yourself. breathing in kazutora's scent whenever you felt down and distressed, had you assimilating it with something close to a safe place.

when you first woke up in his embrace after falling asleep to the sound of his apologies, you tore yourself away from his arms. you trying to move with what little strength you could muster forced his own eyes open, his hand, too quick to not be a reflex, caught your waist, keeping you against his chest.

"let go of me," you whispered after trying to pry yourself away from him, gripping his forearm, desperately wishing to make him move.

"y/n..."

"I said let go of me kazutora. why are you even here ?" cutting him off, you looked at him angrily, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

the pained stare he was met with was enough to make him regret all his actions. sheer betrayal was written all over your face and the scent which once brought you comfort, now only made you uncomfortable. he was too close. his hands tangled with your waist and wrists... you were scared of what they could do to you. he was holding you too tightly. he was afraid you would disappear.

"kazutora, you're hurting me. just what exactly do you want and how did you get in ?" he quickly let go of you, muttering a few awkward apologies.

"...how did you get those bruises ?" he asked after a long silence, partially pleased you weren't ordering him to leave anymore and relieved you didn't push the topic of his intrusion any further.

"keep playing dumb and I might actually get really angry" you had pushed yourself up, refusing kazutora's help and was now sitting, glaring at him.

"please y/n, I assure you I don't know anything. I wouldn't have let anyone hurt you like this..." you chuckled half-heartedly, looking at kazutora's pleading eyes with contempt in yours. you could tell he was taken aback with how things were turning out with how he grabbed your arm softly, as if begging you to please believe him.

"ask your friends, I'm sure they'd love to tell you all the details about what they did."

and with that, you turned your back on him, tired of talking to him who acted like nothing was his fault, as if he hadn't played a huge role in how people treated you.

you were too tired to curse at him and yell for him to get out of your sight, you fell asleep in almost a few minutes this day, not caring if kazutora had anything to tell you or if he was even still there, invading your nest and taking up all the space like he was used to when it came to you.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

upon your confession, kazutora was seeing red, rage fully consuming his body and abandoning him to a state of pure instincts.

he stayed still, observing your steady breathing and the mess he had caused because of his jealousy, hands shaking at the sight of your injured body.

he made sure one last time that you were covered with his pheromones, which, no matter how much you hated them, helped you calm down a bit and have a good night rest like you needed.

he got up, barricaded your door that was slightly broken and left you alone in your apartment, ready to pay a visit to those people he had used to get what he wanted.

you've always been fragile, your nature shaping you to be more delicate than him, but never had he ever seen you this weak and defeated. although he had his response in your current state, he promised himself he would redeem himself, vowing to protect you just like he should've.

and it all starts now, by getting rid of the ones who thought they could go as far as laying a hand on you.

when he came back, he let out a relieved sigh seeing you hadn't move. he threw his now slightly red t-shirt on the floor and went back to your side, pleased with what he did and happy there were a few less threats for you out there.

he kissed your naked shoulder and fell asleep, inhaling your sweet scent he craved so much and swore nothing bad would ever happen again.

kazutora would make sure of it...

[sunnie-angel]

i've had this idea for a kind of cracky jason todd x reader hockey au rattling around in my head for close to 10 months now but i don't think i'm ever gonna have the motivation to sit down and write this particular fic, so! here's the outline for what i would have written. honestly if anyone wants to adopt the fic, go for it.

you're the assistant manager of the Gotham Knights, the city's beloved hockey team that hasn't had a shot at the regional championship in years. this year, the impossible's happened: the Knights have made it not only to the championships, but to the top six teams. there's only three games that stand between the Knights and total victory, but the first team you're set to play is notoriously dirty. send opposing team players to the hospital in stretchers regularly kind of dirty.

and so what do you do? well with not only your job but your hometown pride on the line, in a fit of desperation you reach out to famous local crime lord Red Hood. high on caffeine and adrenaline, you ask if he’ll be an alternate goalie (he's already got the right helmet for it) going into the championships because no one in their right mind is going to sabotage a crime lord’s team right in front of him. hell, just with him riding the bench, it might be enough to save your boys from getting the shit beat out of them.

and of course jason isn’t really a big sports fan but he is a son of Gotham so like hell is he gonna let the Knights lose at their one big chance if he can help it. so Red Hood becomes the team’s alternate goalie and yeah, the first few practices are awkward, but because toeing the line of insanity has paid off so far, you tell him that yeah he may be a crime lord that’s there mainly to intimidate the other team but he’s still gotta do practice drills if he wants any ice time during the game.

and when the other team finds out, they throw a fit. their manager tries to get him barred from the game, but Hood’s not a meta, has never actually been prosecuted for a crime, and technically his legal name is last name hood first name red so they can’t make him give up a civilian identity just to play. the publicity around the attempts to bar him only drive more interest surrounding the regional championship and suddenly every single game of the next few matches is sold out. you're keeping your job based on that turn around alone (the Hood jerseys sold out in minutes), but now you're determined to get these guys to win.

jason as red hood accidentally becomes a permanent part of the team after they win the regional championships and then get bumped up to compete for the national championship. you're no longer afraid of him because even if you've never seen his face, you have carried him moaning back from a session with the physio because he's got soo many weird injury issues that are finally getting long term treatment. kinda hard to be afraid of a guy who's just been giggling from pain as the 8-year old knot in their neck finally gets released, you know?

as the Gotham Knights get closer to their first ever national championship title game, jason starts to develop a weirdly good relationship with the rest of the Bats. they may disagree with his methods and ethics but Gotham actually has the chance to win at something so they won’t go after him for now. at least not until he wins them that trophy. and anyways, keeping busy with hockey mean's jason's got less time to be putting heads in duffel bags which really goes a long way to making bruce happy.

along the journey to the championship cup, jason and reader fall in love.

[prettyboykatsuki]

WON'T YOU LEND ME YOUR FAITH? | R. ITOSHI

❁ tags ; fem!reader (reader dresses femininely + is referred to as a girl / with she/her pronouns), reader is shorter than rin , strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, getting together, rin is soo teenage boy (and makes some annoying teen-boy comments), slow-burn, making out is as suggestive as this gets, stereotypical shoujo romance, usage of honorifics, coming of age

❁ wc ; 21.4k (insane. most insane thing ive ever seen)

❁ a/n ; i'm genuinely appalled by the length of this fic. how did that happen. what in the world. this fic is truly just. every single shoujou manga trope crammed into one okay. my silly little self indulgent romance !!!!

also this fic is sfw + takes place in their third of hs so im not gonna say mdni that's silly. however if you're a minor please do not follow me i post heinous dark content and this fic is a fluke in the timeline dskffjkfd

❁ synopsis ; the love story of a sensitive, stoic soccer player and an eccentric wannabe journalist

or that time you confess to itoshi rin, knowing he'll reject you, and asking to befriend him in spite of it.

“I like you,” 

A breeze of wind passes.

“What?” 

You confess to Itoshi Rin at the start of the Spring semester. On the school rooftop with your head down. Bent at a near ninety degrees as you hold out what looks like a love letter.

For a minute, he can’t do anything more than stare. He’s received countless confessions in highschool. Half of which he rejected immediately, not even stopping to hear the full extent of their feelings. Why would he? The lukewarm ideas of first love had never been of interest. Even before his fight with Sae, Rin was always focused on his goals. 

After his second year of high school was spent in Bluelock, Rin has only returned for his third. He promised his parents he’d graduate properly, and Bluelock was off-season until Ego could fully prepare for the next stages. 

And a lot has changed since then. But some parts of him, namely his feelings towards the idea of conventional relationships, haven't changed at all. 

It’s only been a little less than three weeks since school had started, and by now he’s received more confessions than he can really remember. All of which he’s rejected coldly, and blankly, because Itoshi Rin has never been in the business of coddling anyone. Most of those girls he’s never even met. Knows nothing about them because they’re first or second years he’d never even spoken to. 

Rin, however, does know you. You’ve been in his class in all 3 years of his highschool, and he’s seen you around more than once. You’re in the newspaper club, which he remembers because you covered their winning match back when Rin was a first year. He wouldn’t call you friends, but you’ve spoken to each other enough that he can remember your name with a little effort. 

He also  remembers you being sort of annoying. You’re one of those loud and earnest types that he can’t stand. 

A year ago, Rin would’ve denied knowing you at all. But now that things with Sae have cleared up just a little - he’s not inclined to take his anger out on you. He knows you. Not well, but enough.

And if his reputation precedes him at all, then you know Rin too. You know that he’s never once gone out with a single girl in his 3 years of highschool and that most of the guys in all three grades consider him an arrogant jerk. You know that he mostly plays soccer alone during breaks and that he only really hangs out with one person. 

Which means you must know that he doesn’t harbor any feelings for you. And that he’s going to reject your confession without thinking twice about it. 

In the first place, he was just curious if you were stupid enough to do it. If you really called him up here for a roof-top confession. The fact that you were is what’s stifling him. Your words are familiar. He’s heard them so many times. But it’s baffling. It’s ridiculous. 

You lift your head to face him. You’re still smiling, though there’s something more there that he can’t understand. He doesn’t do well with people like you begin with. He finds himself backing away when you jog up closer towards him. 

He’s taller than you, he notices. You pick your head up to look at him and smile, toothy and at ease. You hold the letter up again and shove it towards him, though you don’t seem like you’re expecting him to take it. He stares at you. 

“I like you,” You repeat, smooth and bubbly. He frowns. 

“I don’t like you.” 

He has expectations for this part. Normally he receives a saddened look like a dog whose tail he stepped on or a fit of crying (sometimes genuine, sometimes with the intent of guilt.) Sometimes he gets an awkward smile trying to seem unbothered by the whole situation. 

You don’t falter though. You don’t even flinch at the words, cold as ice and steely. It throws him off. 

“I know,” You say back,  prying the letter away from him. You turn the other way, walking towards the metal grates and for a minute Rin wonders if you’re going to do something drastic. You don’t though, instead sticking your the paper in the air “That’s why I have a proposal,” 

He stares, absolutely dumbfounded. You turn again towards him. 

“I want to get to know you. And keep confessing to you,” You say first, and Rin immediately goes to reject you until you put your hands up “And I want you to keep rejecting me.” 

He’s baffled. Really. 

“What?” 

“So I can gradually lose my feelings for you. Nothing that different on your end, honestly..” 

It sounds annoying. It really does. If it were anyone else, under any other circumstance he would scoff and tell them to deal with their own shitty feelings alone just like everyone else. But there’s no hidden intention there. Rin’s always been good at sniffing that out. Your words are pure as can be.

Frustratingly simple and twice as sincere, no matter how confusing the whole thing is. 

“Why should I?” 

“We can be friends,” You reply like it’s the best deal he could ask for. “Isn’t that enough? Not like you really have any right now.” 

He scoffs bitterly albeit he can’t counter you. 

“Friendship is lukewarm. I don’t care about any of that stuff,” 

“Lukewarm? Really? Then..think of it like I’ll be your shield. You hate when people socialize with you right? I’ll help you deal with it.” 

That doesn’t sound too bad actually. On top of that, he’s kind of curious what your deal is. He rolls his eyes at you, turning to face the other way. 

“Do whatever you want. It’s not like it matters.” 

His response makes you beam. He hears you shout from the otherside of the yard, followed by the sound of your footsteps noisily thudding against the concrete as you try to catch up with him. He walks faster than you just to spite you for earlier, but he hears your last words through a huff of breath. 

“Jeez, you’re fast. I’ll see you at lunch, be prepared!” 

Somehow, he feels like he’s crossed paths with something he shouldn’t’ve. 

__

You keep up with your end of the deal with Rin to the best of your ability. 

The upsides of your arrangement is that the usual annoyances Rin has to deal with have decreased significantly in the time you’ve been hanging around him. You’re very good at using your speech to sway conversations one way or the other without upsetting the other party.

Normally, Rin’s rejections for different things leave a bitter taste in the air. He’s never been good at mincing his words for anyone and while it doesn’t affect him - the strange stares and whispers he gets are a little annoying to deal with. People always take his disinterest personally. Rin has always hated that. He was probably a little gentler about the denial before but still. 

While other people are too stupid to pay it any mind, you’re clever at turning the tides your way. You always manage to completely divert their questions without making them feel uncomfortable. Rin has tried, many times, to actually break down how you’re doing it. He doesn’t think he’d ever be able to replicate it, no matter how much he studies you. 

He’s reluctant to admit it, but really, your presence has significantly lowered the number of obstacles in his daily life and made him overall, less irritable. 

Instead of many annoying things, there’s only you. Which is tolerable in comparison. 

You also expect him to uphold his end of the deal. For the most part, this has just meant you inserting yourself into his usual activities. It started out small enough, mostly just you sitting with him during lunch. It draws too much attention to eat in the classroom so you both fuck off to the roof. 

(You often joke about how romantic it is, reminiscing on your rejected first love with as much melodrama as you can muster. 

Rin never laughs about it to your face, but he admits it’s funny. Your stupidity is mildly amusing, at least ) 

There, you eat lunch together. Rin learns you make yourself colorful bentos from time to time- though some days are much less elaborate than others. You like to unwind that way, your designated and nightly me-time. You work part-time, and you take care of your neighbors kids by helping them every morning and night. 

Rin doesn’t ask you for more, not willing to deliberately show interest. 

But you notice his curiosity for better or for worse and explain that she, the woman next door, used to make you dinner back when your parents were too busy. You have an older brother who's nearly twelve years your senior so you were alone for most of your childhood. She had children late, but they feel like your little siblings. So you help them in the mornings and in the evenings when you have time. 

Rin learns you, funnily enough, have a sense of obligation towards other people that he can’t fully comprehend. He forgot there were people like that. In an environment like Bluelock that is so dead set on fostering ego, it’s easy to forget something so simple. 

You haven’t confessed to him again since that time. Not like he’s expecting it, but given your personality he wonders why. He thought it’d be more of a daily occurence, something like a bit you did. But you never do. Even when at times, it’s so heavy in the atmosphere even he can tell you want too. 

Admittedly, Rin wonders a lot more about you than he cares to. He wonders why you spend so much time with him when you have plenty of other friends who seem to cherish you. He wonders why you care so much about the dying club you're in. He wonders if this, in some strange way, stems from some kind of obligation.

He wonders, sometimes, what about him you could even like. It’s probably something stupid. You’d probably think long and hard before going on to say that you like him because he’s handsome or cool. Something shallow and meaningless. 

He tells himself that when he starts thinking about it again. 

__

Rin gets roped into cleaning the classroom with you. 

He’s used to being paired with other people. But he’s never had to do with you before, even in the years prior. Or maybe he did. He doesn’t recall much of his first year. 

Still, now that it’s already mid-May, Rin has never been on cleaning duty with you. He’s conscious of the sound of your name these days. It’s not something he’s happy about. 

It’s a simple affair. Just 15 or 20 minutes. Nothing to talk about. Not really. 

But, today you’re alone with him. Alone in an empty classroom with light pouring through the windows and reflecting off of the wooden desks. You’re busying yourself with wiping down the chalkboard, humming quietly. Rin has the broom and dust pan, slowly working himself towards the front of the room. 

It’s mostly quiet. Just your humming. The soft thud of a dust pan, a gentle brush of the bristle. 

Rin feels a crick in his neck, half-way done with the task at hand. He stares at you, off in the front. In your own little world as you fix everything up diligently without turning your head to look up at him even once. 

The nape of your neck is visible from the way you’re standing. There’s a chain there. Do you wear a necklace under your uniform? He can see the slope of your shoulders. The light reflects on you. 

It stops him dead in his tracks. All he can hear is the quiet. The soft humming of your voice. The thud of the dust pan, the woosh of an eraser. The gentle bristle of a broom. The sound of his own heartbeat, a little louder than it was a minute ago. 

He shakes his head. He goes back to sweeping. 

__

“Why do you look like that?” 

You look depressed. For Rin, this expression on you is unusual. You do look sad sometimes.  Somber, occasionally but the look you have on your face right now is down right harrowing. You’re staring blankly out into the open, sitting in the usual spot the two of you have lunch at. But you’ve hardly touched your food and your favorite juicebox (a lunchtime staple) doesn’t have a straw in it yet. 

It’s freaking him out, quite frankly. He stares at you, waving a hand in front of your face until you click back into reality. You jump in your skin at the sight of him before taking a deep breath once you’ve realized who’s in front of you. 

“Oh. It’s just you. Sorry,” You say, immediately going for your juice. See? “What did you say?” 

He sighs, sitting down next to you with his own lunch. Nothing special, something his mom likes to pack when he’s at home - though he doesn’t often take it. He opens up his own tin, taking chopsticks out attached from the top. 

“I asked why you looked like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like someone just died.” 

You look at him morbidly, clasping your hands and leaning forward with your elbows on your knees. 

“My midterm grades,” You say solemnly, voice wavering ever so slightly “They’re detestable. A shame to my bloodline.” 

Rin looks at you plainly. 

“Aren’t you an idiot to begin with?” 

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m average. Super average. But I scored even lower than usual and I’m concerned. I need to do well on the next one and on my entrance exams.” 

Oh, right. Rin forgot since he has no plans to take any. 

“Do you know what you want to do for college?” He asks, mostly out of obligation. 

“I want to study journalism.” There’s a wispiness to your way of speaking. It gives the air a sentimental feel. “There’s a private university with a good program I want to get into but they’re kind of tough. So I have to focus and do well,” 

“What subject are you struggling with?” 

You deflate all over again. 

“Chemistry and Classical Japanese,” 

Rin does well in both subjects. He thinks it over, and decides he can consider this payback. That’s all it is. He’s never liked owing people for favors and while you say this much is enough - Rin can rest assured about your little deal if he’s actually been of use to you in return. He remains impassive as he takes a sip of water. 

“Do you want me to help you study?” 

You turn to him immediately, suddenly full of life. He doesn’t like the gleam in your eyes, an immediate regret settling in as he stares at you, eyes full of disdain. You don’t hesitate grabbing his hand, putting it to your forehead and bowing deeply as you face him. You’re like a fly that keeps buzzing around him. 

“Are you serious? Really? Forreal? Do you mean it?” 

“If you keep being  a dipshit I’m going to take it back,” 

You pull away, hands folded in your lap, going stone faced.

“I would be very grateful,” You say, hands clasped in front of your face. He rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” He says bluntly, staring out into space “I just don’t want to owe you any favors.” 

This you laugh at, leaning back on the wall behind you - with your legs stretched out. 

“Don’t worry,” You reply, self-assured. “Somehow, you asking me to study with you so innocently really cements it in that you don’t have a shred of affection for me.” 

Something in him stirs. He ignores it. 

“Never in a million years.” 

You laugh light-heartedly. 

“You’re so cold to me, Itoshi-kun.” 

“You still call me that.” He grimaces. You stare at him confused. 

“How else would I call you?” 

“When you use my last name it reminds me of my brother,” 

“...Are you implying I should use your first name?” 

Oh. Shit. That is what he sort of said, isn’t it? 

“No,” He denies, somehow unable to come up with anything worthwhile “Don’t address me at all.” 

“Eh? But that’s impossible? I can try but,” 

Only an idiot like you would think to actually try. He shakes his head. It’s no good after all. 

“Shut up,” He decides, because there’s not anything else he can think to say “We can study at the library.” 

You’re quick to reject the proposal. 

“We have to pick somewhere else. Like a cafe or something,” You say, not looking at him. You have your phone pulled up now, looking for places nearby. He’s lost again. 

“What? Why? Isn’t it easier if it’s at school?” 

You glance over at him wide-eyed, before suddenly smiling. It’s a knowing smile, almost like you feel sorry for him. He wants to ask why you look like that. It’s weirdly guarded and he hates that from you. He stares at you, trying to will you to explain yourself. You’re good at reading his thoughts, frustratingly enough, so he’s not accustomed to asking. 

Which means your lack of answer is deliberate, and even with the pressure he’s putting on you, you don’t budge.

“Trust me on this one,” You voice light and airy. “It’s better if we find somewhere away from school, too. There’s still some time to look, so no rush.” 

He lets it go because he doesn’t have any other choice. Lunch passes and you talk like everything's normal.

The question lingers in the back of his mind. 

__ 

Rin spends most of his time between classes watching soccer. If he has some free time on his day off, he’ll look for a new movie to watch. There’s a new foreign film coming out from a director who he really likes and he’s just finished watching the trailer.

Thirsty, with nothing to do - he stands to his feet and briefly surveys the classroom. He wants a drink and there’s a vending machine down the hallway with a sports drink that tastes like..something. 

His airpods are close to being dead so there’s no music as he makes his way. He’s not a fan of being forced to listen to the chatter of the general populace so it’s not that hard to ignore.  

It catches his attention when he hears your name in passing before turning the corner of the hall. It stops him dead in his tracks, something tense left in the syllables after . He doesn’t know why he stopped, not exactly. He figured it’d be annoying if his presence caused a ruckus. 

He’s used to people talking about you, though they usually describe you as a busybody. The Senpai who’s everywhere. A hand in every jar, or something like that. But there’s a tone to that, mild amusement - never malice, that Rin is more than accustomed to. 

This is not that, he notices. He leans on the wall and listens. A group of girls. Some of the voices he recognizes. They’re from the third year classroom down the hall. 

“It’s like, I don’t know,”  Eto-san, he thinks. She’s come up to him before, more times than he can really count on one hand. Rin knows the type. Kind but not really. To the point it’s hard for anyone to call her out on it. “It’s weird how much she hangs around him. She’s not a bad girl or anything,” 

The addition makes Rin’s eye twitch. Yeah. He’s very familiar with this type. He keeps listening. Another voice, but he has no idea who this one is. 

“Really? But Senpai is pretty kind to me,” 

“Mm, I guess so. I just wonder if it makes Itoshi-kun uncomfortable, you know? With pushy people like that, it doesn’t matter how blunt you are. I just worry about him a bit.” 

If it wasn’t so annoying to listen in, Rin would laugh. He’s never understood girls. Especially not highschool ones. He doesn’t pay attention to that kind of social hierarchical shit to begin with, only forced to acknowledge it because other people do. None of it matters to him.

He does think back to what you said a week ago, about finding a place away from school to study. It clicks. You probably know they talk about you like this. Or you could surmise this outcome. Rin should expect that level of awareness from you. Sincere. Always attuned to everyone. Of course this is something you know but he doesn’t. 

Why didn’t you tell him? That’s annoying. It’s nothing he couldn’t deal with knowing. He would’ve got it if you explained it earlier. 

“Oh wow, you really care about him Eto-san,” 

There’s a soft chuckle that makes Rin annoyed. Is he supposed to feel grateful? They’ve barely spoken to each other.

“It’s not like that. It must be hard since he missed second year, that’s all.” 

With that, Rin decides to turn the corner. 

He’s a little pleased at the reaction. How everyone goes into complete silence when he arrives. He spares her a glance as he moves towards the vending machines, clicking in the buttons. A generic sports drink comes tumbling out of the bottom, and Rin grabs it with deliberate slowness - drawing out the unease. 

Eto-san gives him a blank stare before suddenly looking cheerful. She seems a little panicked, quickly trying to make conversation with him. The words don’t reach his ears as he stares down at her expressionlessly.

“Are you done?”  He says, ice-cold. She stutters at that. Rin suppresses a smile. 

“Oh, uhm, yeah. Sorry, were you busy?” 

“Yeah,” He says back, completely apathetic. 

He doesn’t plan on saying anymore in the first place. The little victories count. 

It does feel like some kind of magic when he hears your voice from the other end of the hallway. You’re practically shouting it, and following is the sound of the hall monitors telling you off for running as you barrel toward him full speed. He can hear the thud of your sneakers all the way till they skid to a stop. 

You’re out of breath, bent over your knees and messy as you put a hand up. Most times, he would be embarrassed. He’d even tell you off for being such an idiot. Right now, he finds the corners of his lips upturned as he stares at you from where you stand. 

“Oh, hey guys. Sorry, I had some business with this guy. Oh, Fujita-chan, your hair is cute today! I like how it looks up on you,”  You say, to the girl who was calling you kind just a minute ago “I hope he wasn’t too cruel to you. He’s actually afraid of women, it’s a generational curse. Every night he turns into a frog and—” 

You shuffle in front him, arms stretched out like a shield. He sticks his leg out and kicks your shin. You yelp in pain. 

“What the hell are you talking about? Shut up.” 

“Ow, you strong bastard. You’re a soccer player, please be more conscious of your kicks. What if you shattered my shin? I know you’re loaded but it’s the principle of the thing, you know—” 

“Stop talking or I’ll kick you a second time.” 

You go silent immediately. 

“Forgive me, Itoshi-sama. I’ve strayed from the path of righteousness. Alas, the people need you.” You say, turning around. 

“Speak clearly.” 

“Homeroom teacher wanted to double check with you about after graduation plans and told me to go get you.” 

“Why you?”

“I was already walking around for the newspaper club.” 

He nods, not needing any more explanation. 

“H-hey, aren’t you acting too friendly with him?” 

So she decided to speak. This makes you falter, just a little, and Rin detests the look of self-satisfaction on her face. He speaks this time. It’s not like he can’t fight any of his own battles. 

“It’s fine,” He says, not bothering to think about it. He looks at you, as you stare back at him where he stands, wide-eyed. Idiot. “I don’t mind.”

You grin at him. Big and rounded and stupid, with all of your teeth like you’re giddy. If the hallway monitor wasn’t up your ass, he figures you’d be skipping about now. You usher him into the hall, back where he came from, waving them off.

“Be seeing you guys, then! Bye!” 

And you’re off. It’s quiet until you’re both completely out of ear-shot. Before he can go any further you stand in front of him, hands behind your back with a dumb look on your face. He already knows what you’re going to say. 

“Hey. I really like you a lot. Just now… my heart was fluttering. I thought I was hallucinating,” 

“You’re a moron,” 

“Ahhh, what should I do? I’m all hot under the collar. Is this what it’s like being a maiden in love? It’s great.” 

“How can you say that knowing I’ve already rejected you?” 

“It’s because you’ve rejected me, I can say that.” 

And Rin doesn't really get it. He’s not sure he ever will. 

But you seem happy enough. He decides against prying. 

__

Somehow, you’ve ended up at Rin’s house. 

He doesn’t know how it happened. Really. 

He mentioned to his mother off-handedly that he needed to help someone study. He should’ve lied about it then, but coming off of running drills makes him pretty stupid. He uses most of his brain power when he trains. So in an altered state of mind due to dehydration, hunger and general exhaustion - he answered  honestly instead of lying. 

You’re helping someone study? Yes, they’re from my class. 

Is it a boy or a girl? A girl. We’re friends. 

You can’t study at the library? She doesn’t want to, so we’re trying to find somewhere else. 

Why not invite her here, if her parents are okay with it? Her parent’s don’t really pay enough attention to be bothered. 

Wait, what is he saying? 

Rin doesn’t know how it happened. Really. Really. He tried pretty hard to reject his mothers advances about the situation but he’s never been one to upset her. The whole thing with Sae really tore her up so they both had a silent agreement to try and get along at home. And since Rin is still living at home for now, he tries harder to listen to her. Even so, he wasn’t planning on yielding for this one. 

Rin is not immune to his mothers guilt. A long lecture about how her only sons never cared about anything but soccer and how she’s worried she’s never going to have grandchildren later, he finally gave in and gave you a call at his dinner table. 

He was hoping you would come through and reject the offer. Say something stupid about how that’s dangerous territory for a young girl in love and let his mom down gently. He forgot about your whole thing about responsibility and being a nice girl who gets along well with adults. 

And now, the door is ringing and Rin knows he’s going to open it to you. He mostly blames himself for not thinking ahead.

Rin opens the door on a Saturday afternoon and the first thing he thinks is that you’re not wearing your uniform. 

You look…different. It’s weird. Your hair is styled in an unusual way, tied with something like ribbon. You’re wearing something flowy and loose but the neck is a little rounder than usual. There’s a necklace there, a heart-pendant with a chain. You have in...earrings. 

Rin thinks vaguely that you look…something. He doesn’t know. But in his vision you’re like a troublesome and amorphous blob that yammers on about nothing. And right now you look…not like that. 

“You’re dressed up.” Are the first words to come out of his mouth. You blink at him owlishly.

“Oh. Yeah. I wanted to make a good impression on your mom so I tried not to look sloppy.” You say sheepishly. He leans against the doorframe. 

“She doesn’t care about stuff like that.” 

“Well I do, okay? Now, can I come in?” 

“The white slippers are for you.”

He steps aside and lets you in. You have perfect manners. He probably should’ve expected that. You take your shoes off neatly and place them on the rack the same way, slipping your feet into the slippers provided. Rin just watches, eyes tracing the curve of your neck. 

“Where’s your mom?” You ask.

“In the kitchen making dinner. You’re staying for dinner right?” 

You blink at him, surprised. 

“I mean it’s not like I can’t.” 

“She’d be upset if you didn’t.” He says noncommittally before walking you down to the kitchen. 

His mother is right where he expects. He stands in the corner as you shuffle in watching on. She turns around to look at you, wiping her hands on her apron. 

“Oh, my, you must be Rin’s friend? Such a lovely girl. Welcome! Welcome.” 

To this, you bow your head as deep as it can go. The air around you feels serious. Rin scoffs internally. There’s a strange feeling in his chest that he can’t describe, seeing you bowing in front of his mom. An itch he can’t reach, locked tight around his ribs. 

You give his mother your name first and she smiles like she’s absolutely delighted just hearing it. 

“Thank you for having me. I brought some fruit with me as a gift, I hope that’s alright.” 

His mom shoots him a look that Rin deflects by turning away, opening the plastic bag you’ve handed to her. 

“Oh my! Aren’t these expensive fruits? Please thank your parents for me!” 

“Oh no, don’t worry about that. I work part-time, so I paid for them myself. It was the least I could do. I’m grateful for the tutoring.” 

You tense up, realizing that might’ve been an awkward thing to say. It isn’t. Even if it was, Rin’s mother has always been soft-hearted. His dad tells him they’re a lot alike but Rin doesn’t see it. Whatever it may be, Rin’s mom is too doting and too sociable to let you feel bad. Right now she seems emotional, an expression between empathy and pride. She reaches for you like it’s the most natural thing in the world, patting your head gently.

“How diligent. Thank you, then, for the fruit.” 

Rin can’t see your face but it’s easy to picture. 

“Of course. And pardon the intrusion! And uhm, thank you for having me for dinner.” 

Clumsy. Rin thinks you’re clumsy. A flickering light. His mom laughs brightly and tells you not to worry. She leans in closer like she’s whispering but Rin can hear her loud and clear. 

“Rin can be very brash but he’s a good boy, so thank you for being kind to him.” 

He feels embarrassed. Even readies himself to intervene. 

“He is very kind to me.” 

Wait. What?

His mom smiles even brighter, and mouths something like ‘take care of her’ when you’re not looking. He wants to stop it before it starts. You’re not dating. You’re hardly even friends, you’re just here to study. Rin almost wants to shout it, but he’s stuck. Before he can do any of that, you’re turning around and smiling like you haven’t said anything strange. 

What do you mean he’s kind to you? When his whole thing is rejecting you mercilessly? Being cruel?

What kind of person would ever describe him as kind? 

He can’t find the words he wants to say, so he takes you to his room in silence. 

__

You both make it to Rin’s room in one piece.

You’ve been studying now for about an hour. Given your personality, Rin was expecting more of a fuss. He thought you’d make some comment about being in a boys room and then fight off the actual studying like the plague. 

Much to his surprise, you started studying with him right away. Rin tries his best to tutor you, though he does make fun of you in the process. But you’re a try-hard all the same, stopping only to ask questions and get clarification occasionally.

You’ve been focused that whole time, miraculously enough. Rin studies too, but only a bit, after deciding to study some recent matches instead. 

( Every now and again, he’ll glance at you. Just to see if you’re stuck or still working. Each time, he gets caught up on the fact you’re not in your uniform and has to tear his eyes away. ) 

After a bout of silence, you yawn out loud, quietly shutting your workbook. 

“I’ve finished all my practice problems for today,” You announce, before deciding to lay down on his floor “I’m beat.” 

“I thought you were gonna give up before you started.”  Rin admits. You frown at him. 

“I was serious about needing tutoring. Thanks for all your help.” 

“I already told you it’s fine. Is there anything else? Finals are next week.” 

You shake your head. 

“Mm, I don’t think so. One of the guys from the newspaper club helped me with math so I’ll be okay.” 

…Huh? 

“From the newspaper club?” 

“Huh? Yeah. Murata-senpai. We’re in the same year. He’s a few months older so he insists on making me call him Senpai.” 

“And he helped you with math?” 

“Yeah. He was a delinquent like, all of first year but he really cleaned up his act. He’s actually really gentle.”

Rin frowns at that. 

“Do people usually describe delinquents as gentle?”  

You make a noise of indignance from where you’re laid on his floor. 

“Hey. Murata-senpai is really nice, okay? And he is gentle, so I won’t tolerate your usual judginess.” 

Rin rolls his eyes. 

“How’d you even meet him?” 

“Uh…I wanted to write a column about him, basically. He was helping in the garden last year and I kinda…stalked him. It sounds worse than it is. I just wanted to know what made him change.” 

“So stalking people is pretty typical for you.” 

You sit up and gape at him. Rin suppresses a laugh. 

“Anyways. I eventually flagged him down for an interview. Apparently, he had a real scare with his granny getting sick and decided he needed to cut the shit. He’s a good guy. He joined the newspaper club after the interview,” 

“After the interview…?” 

You nod, leaning forward with your elbows on the table in front of you. 

“Uh-huh. Said he was interested because of my passion or something. He’s been really nice to me ever since and helps me with all of the ideas I have.” You soften as you talk about it. Rin feels an ugly emotion in his chest “I’m worried about what will happen to the club after graduation, but Senpai is always encouraging me to make the most out of the time we still have. So I’m really thankful for him. That’s why you have to be nice.” 

Rin is super annoyed. He doesn’t know why he’s so annoyed but he is. How do you not realize this guy likes you? He doesn’t know why he’s opening his mouth to tell you what’s so obvious. It’s not like it really matters. Rin doesn’t like you in the first place, so if he informs you that your beloved Murata-senpai has feelings for you - it’s no big deal. 

In fact it might be better for everyone if you realize. He’s just frustrated by how clueless you can be sometimes. 

“He’s interested in you,” Rin says, against his better judgment. It feels like the words are welling up in his throat “Your senpai or whatever.” 

You blink at him stupidly. He wonders if you’re wearing mascara. 

“Huh? I doubt that somehow. Senpai is kind to me but I think he sees me like a little sister.” 

He scoffs at you. 

“You would think that. Most guys aren’t just nice to girls they don’t like.” 

“Not everyone is like you, yanno.” You say back without thinking twice. That’s not the point this time, he wants to say. And he’s right for this one. Anyone else with half of a brain would realize. You’re just… you. Which means you’re absolutely unaware of things pertaining to you. It’s the only reason he can think you’d deny something so obvious. 

The only reason you could come to the house of a boy you liked just to study. 

“Shut up. I’m saying this because you’re too much of a dumbass to put it together on your own. The guy definitely likes you.” 

“I didn’t know you were a love guru,” You say sarcastically, sticking your tongue out at him. Childish. Annoying “It doesn’t matter if he does.” 

“Why wouldn’t it matter?” 

You give him an incredulous look. 

“Unfortunately my heart is captured by an aloof sportsman.” 

He doesn’t know why he feels relieved when you say that. He feels his heart all the way in his throat like he’s going to throw it up, even though his expression remains impassive. 

“You already know I don’t like you, though. It’s a good opportunity, isn’t it? Don’t a lot of people move on that way.”

You shake your head. 

“I’m not that sort of wishy-washy woman.” You reply, huffing your chest up and trying to ease the tension. You stop to shake your head, a small smile on your face. “You wouldn’t get it even if I explained.” 

“It’s annoying when you do that,” Rin voices, not bothering to cut it any other way “You did that with the girls at school too. I’m never gonna get it if you don’t bother explaining it to me.” 

You soften at this, then whisper. 

“...Why do you care?” But it’s not said with any malice. It’s not said sadly either. Just curious. He freezes, but doesn’t let it show. He wants to ask himself the same question. 

“I don’t. It’s just,” And he scoffs, not looking at your face “It’s a pain.” 

You hum, not expecting more of an answer. 

“I want to treasure my own feelings towards you,” You say, and something in Rin feels like it’s being set on fire. “It’s not just about having a boyfriend. If it was, then I’d consider Senpai's feelings.” 

“...So it’s about me, specifically?” 

“Yeah,” You say without offering any more explanation than that “It is. I like you.”

The words but why, linger in the air. You seem to be feeling merciful, as you lean back on your palms and stare up at his ceiling. You wear your heart outside of your body, more often than not. And he thinks that part of you is so hard to get used to. 

“You’re really awkward. And aloof. And you don’t have any friends.” 

“Is this some kind of revenge or…?” 

“But. You’re also sensitive. The more I know you, the more I think you’re kind and well-meaning. You uh, remind me of a cat.” 

He blinks. 

“A cat?” 

“A cat. Sometimes they want their own space. And sometimes they knock your water off your desk for fun. Plus they only really care about people in their own circle,”

“Again, is this—” 

“Let me finish, jeez. They’re solitary creatures. But like when they accept you, they get comfortable. An’ nice . And they look out for you in their own way. To me you’re a lot like that.” 

You give him a smile so warm it makes his back hot. So loud and so vibrant like it burst out of him at any minute. 

“I’ve uh, always been interested in you. I watched you play in Bluelock too. I kept thinking to myself, there’s something about you. I want to know more, even if it’s just a little. Stuff like that.” You talk so quietly yet it’s all Rin can hear. All Rin can see in his vision is you. All Rin can think about is you. “I’ve always been interested in other peoples stories.  So I thought, what a waste it would be, to throw away that feeling because of something like love or like. I thought, ‘What's your story, Itoshi Rin?’” 

Rin doesn’t know what to say so he chooses to say nothing. 

“When I confessed, I knew you would never like me. Because that’s just the sort of person everyone says you are. Still, what a waste, right? You miss all the shots you don’t take or whatever. So, I wanted to get to know you. I guess.”  

“I don’t get it. I get what you’re like but it still doesn’t make any sense. There’s nothing special to know, is there?” 

“Feeling that is special, don’t you think? That’s a special reason to me.” 

He doesn’t follow. You laugh lightly. 

“If I never became interested in Murata-senpai’s story, I would’ve never been his friend. If I gave up on trying to know you, just because you didn’t return to my one-sided feelings, then I would’ve never gotten to know you either. Don’t you think that’s a waste?” 

Rin doesn’t know. He’s never really cared about it. He’s rejected so many confessions and never once thought enough about any of them in any depth. That part of you is foreign. He can chalk it up to a difference in character. He can’t understand wanting to know someone just because. 

(Or maybe he can. He just hasn’t until now. Until this very moment, suspended in time. Where he wants to know what things make you the way you are.) 

Some small, dark part of him wants to ask why. Over and over until his throat feels raw - long enough to understand it. Even as he grips onto that desire so tight, with such bruising force, the words sit in his mouth. They taste like iron. They taste like a bitten tongue. If you’ve watched him all this time, then you know. Being chosen. He’s never been confident in that. Rin wants to ask, why him? 

What’s so special? Enough to keep talking to him? Enough to do any of this? Is getting to know people is always this difficult, he wonders. Does it always feel uncomfortable to be in proximity with someone? 

In the end, he can’t bring himself to ask. He can’t even bear to examine it in himself, the sense of dread washing over him like sickness. He’s nauseous. And this time, there’s a residue of tension he’s finding increasingly difficult to ignore. 

You come through again. He wonders if you can read his mind just like you do with all the nobodies at school. 

“Rin-kun,” You say, your voice like the summer heat. “Getting to know you makes me feel like my feelings aren’t a waste. I’m happy getting to know you. I want to treasure that.” 

What happens when you run out of things to know? The question is too heavy. He settles on a different one. He wants to understand it more. Just to put himself at ease. 

“Isn’t being in the same room with someone who rejected you uncomfortable?” 

“Maybe. But there’s a clear line for me and you, so it’s cool. In like, ten years, maybe someone will interview me about you. As your classmate and stuff. And I’ll go - ‘He’s actually a really nice guy. I actually had a crush on him.’ If I can say that, without being regretful, then that’ll be enough for me.” 

“That’ll be enough for you? Really?” 

“Really.” 

“You’re so weird.” He says, unsure of what else he could possibly say. You giggle, and lay back down on his floor. 

“I knew you’d say that.” 

__ 

Summer comes. 

It doesn’t occur to Rin how often he sees you in school until it all comes to  a halt. He has your number, and you text him often - about unimportant and trivial shit that you think of. In that way, it doesn’t even really feel like you’ve separated. 

But the sudden absence of your chattering in his life makes everything feel especially quiet. Summer is a boring time for Rin. It’s mostly the same. Practicing and playing and studying. On the few occasions he’s been out, it’s because some of the other Bluelock members are gathering and refuse to let him know even a breath of peace.

He’s seen Sae now, though they never really talk about anything. Sort of just look at each other and exchange enough words that their mom doesn’t cry before going back to their room. Sae will be gone before school starts back up again, so Rin isn’t all that worried about it. 

It occurs to Rin for the first time that this summer will be the last of his highschool days. He’s never been sentimental about stuff like that - so he figures you’re to blame for these sudden thoughts. 

Your summer has been a lot busier than his. He should probably expect this from you by now, but your surprisingly youthful social life always shocks him. You’ve been working part-time as usual. In that time though, you’ve also been to the beach and been on an overnight trip to Osaka with your newspaper club. 

(Rin wasn’t happy to hear about this. He was relieved to know it was with a teacher and that you roomed with a girl. But still, not exactly his favorite of anecdotes for the summer.) 

You’ve invited Rin more than once to come hang out with you, but he’s basically always declined. The group setting is troublesome, but being alone with you feels even worse somehow. It wouldn’t be a date, obviously, but it would be something. Something deliberate. 

Rin doesn’t know if he can come see you in good faith for such a reason. 

It’s another day spent doing his usual. Being technical, it’s a rest day, which means he’s only allowed to stretch. He has done his basics. Studied, messed around with his ball, responded to a barrage of texts from Bachira and Isagi. He played games for a while, checking out a new horror game before deciding it’d be best not to get too sucked in so he has something to play next time. 

After all that, during a mid-August day while Rin sits on his couch and watches T.V., he receives a facetime call from you for the very first time. At first, he just lets it ring. But when it keeps ringing - he figures your persistence is going to continue unless he replies. 

He looks around. No one's home, so he doesn’t need to go to his room. He swipes, and the call connects. The screen shows him, propped up against something with a full shot of your room. You’re turned away from the camera. Rin just stares. 

“Oh, shit - did you actually pick up?” 

“Should I hang up.” 

“No! No, I just wasn’t expecting you. Don’t hang up. I need a guy's opinion.” 

“What? What for?” 

“I got in a fight with my brother about a dress I bought,” You say, exasperated, and Rin is surprised because you hardly see him. “I know he’s probably looking out for me but I don’t think we talk enough for him to be telling me how to dress.” 

“He’s older than you, right? Maybe you should listen to him.” 

“You’re the last person I want to hear that from. Either way, I’m not a kid. I’m already 18 and I’m going to college. It’s a cute dress! I feel like it’s fine.”

“So..why’d you call me again?” 

“I’m gonna try it on and show you. Murata-senpai is busy.” 

“You shouldn’t do that to a guy who likes you.” Rin deadpans. You laugh.

“Shut up. I really need an opinion. I wanted to wear it to go out today so if it’s actually too provocative then I have to change my outfit.” 

“Where are you even going?” 

“My friend needs to get a concealer, so probably the mall or something. After that I’ll go buy some stationary.” 

“Alone? What about your friend?” 

“She’s gonna go see her boyfriend.” 

“Why can’t you just go with them? Or ask them to go with you” 

“And third wheel? I’m good. I just need some stationary and then I’ll be home. Easy peasy. Anyway, what’s with the interrogation?” 

“It’s not interrogation.” He insists. You’re offscreen so Rin can’t see you, but he can hear the sound of a zipper echo in the speakers. He’s also sure you’re rolling your eyes. 

When you come on camera, the dress of the hour is on display. Rin’s first thought is to tell you to take it off. It is too provocative to him. The front is fine as is, but it’s nearly backless and it’s cut too high on your thighs. He’s never seen so much of your skin. Maybe that’s a given, since he didn’t go to the beach with you either. 

You give him a quick spin, before patting the front down. You say something, but the words don’t register. It feels like his brain is full of cotton or something. 

“So? Too much? I mean it’s backless but like. I don’t know, it’s kind of loose? And the sleeves are long. Neckline isn’t that bad, either.” 

Rin just says what he thinks “You shouldn’t go out alone wearing it.” 

You frown at him. 

“That’s not helpful, Rin-kun.” 

“It’s…fine. What time does your friend have to go?” 

“Probably right after we’re done.” 

He sighs. 

“Tell her to go with her boyfriend early. I’ll come with you to get your stationary.” 

“Wait, what? Did I hear that right? You’re coming to get me? After I’ve been hounding you to hang out? What’s with the change of heart?” 

“I don’t have anything to do since it’s a rest day. You need stuff and I don’t think you should be out alone. Don’t read into it.” 

“Kinda hard not too but I’m not gonna complain. Are you coming right now?” 

“Yeah. Send me your address.” 

__ 

Rin has no idea what impulse has brought him here. 

That’s not entirely true. What brought him to your apartment towards the end of summer is impulse. He acted on nothing but impulse.

Rin, for better or for worse, finds that you’re clueless about yourself. The fact you were going to call Murata-senpai is already bothering him enough. That, along with the fact you wore the dress and didn’t think it was too short is troubling. It’s not that Rin wants to tell you what not to wear. He doesn’t have the right but you did ask. 

Anyway, it’s a lot less agitating if you’re being accompanied while wearing it. Going alone in something like that, even if it’s the middle of summer, would be stupid.  

Rin doesn’t make it a habit of worrying about the outfits of girls he doesn’t know. He does know you though. He thinks you’d be really annoying if something happened and you got upset about it. So, all he’s doing is preventing that outcome. It’s nothing more than that. 

He knocks on your door as he shakes the thoughts out of his head, and he’s greeted by a man in his late twenties. It dawns on Rin that this is your brother. He really didn’t think this through. 

Your brother is an imposing person. He’s a head taller than Rin with a gruff voice and a scar on his cheek. Rin stares at him blankly. 

“Who are you?” 

“Itoshi Rin. I’m here for—” 

“Nii-san, tell Rin-kun to come inside and sit! I’m not done getting ready.” 

Your brother glares at him. 

“Who’s he? Your boyfriend? Is that why—” 

You come stumbling out of your room, half-dressed and Rin immediately averts his eyes. This is the most uncomfortable experience of his life.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He already rejected me, so we’re just friends. Stop fussing and let him in, it’s hot out.” 

“He rejected you?” 

Rin should just leave. 

“I already knew he was going to. Now move,” 

Rin doesn’t enjoy being involved in your sibling quarrel. Suddenly, he feels a twinge of regret about some old Bluelock memories. He understands it now more than ever, gaining a little empathy. 

Your brother moves out of the way. You’re standing in the hall, with a single stocking on and powder on your face he’s pretty sure is meant to be brushed. You grin at him. 

“Sorry! I won’t be long, promise. You got here faster than I thought you would.” 

Rin can feel a pair of eyes in the back of his skull. 

“Uh. Yeah. I took the bus so it was quick.” 

“It might be uncomfortable here. Do you wanna sit in my room instead? It’s colder but it’s kind of a mess—” 

“He can sit here.”  Your brother insists. Rin is never leaving his house again. You frown. 

“Didn’t I already tell you we’re not dating? He’s not even interested in me, it’s not like anything is gonna happen.” 

“It’s the principle of it.”  Yeah. Definitely siblings. 

“Whatever. If you make him uncomfortable, I’m gonna yell at you. Rin-kun, sorry. Do you need anything? Juice? Water?” 

Your hospitality throws him off. You’re different at home. 

“Uh. No. I’m okay.” 

“Okay, then I’ll hurry and get dressed. Nii-san, please be civil.” 

With that, you flounce back up to your room. Your brother is staring hard in Rin’s direction. He’s not intimidated. It’s just… so awkward it’s kind of unbearable for him. What do people usually do in this situation? Rin’s not exactly the sociable type.

“She confessed to you?” 

Rin is startled. 

“Uh. Yeah. In April.” 

“And you’re friends?” 

“She asked to be friends.” 

Your brother looks distressed. 

“I don’t understand that girl at all.” 

Rin doesn't either. 

“What’s she like in school?” 

Rin stares. Oh. He’s that kind of older brother. 

“Uh. Busy. She’s in the newspaper club so she’s always doing something. She has a lot of friends and gets along with our class.” 

“I see…that’s good. I’m always worried about her. Our family has  always been busy and I moved out when I was 18 so… we don’t see much of each other. She doesn’t talk about herself that much either.” 

Rin nods absently. What circle of hell is this? 

“She probably thinks I’m just being overprotective,” Bullseye “But I just worry she grew up too fast.” 

Rin thinks if he were a different kind of guy, now would be the time he gives your older brother an encouraging heart to heart. The script is there. It’s just not how he honestly feels. Rin doesn’t take pleasure in defending you. But it’s hypocritical and a little ridiculous to hear it from him.

Some of it is leftover resentment from Sae. The rest is knowing you.

You did grow up too fast. From what he knows about teenage girls, they’re supposed to be…meaner. More hysterical. More inconsiderate. Less responsible and more in the moment. Messy. All teenagers are, really. 

For all the ways you are clumsy and ridiculous, sometimes Rin thinks you’re too off-puttingly mature. It wouldn’t kill you to be more selfish. To be just a little less self-reliant. It’s not normal is it? To be so grateful for things you’re owed. It bothers him. Always has. 

Rin knows what the script is. But it bothers him. 

“If you know that then you don’t really have any right to intervene,” Rin says bluntly. “Suddenly acting protective and considerate when she grew up on her own  is just going to feel stifling. Aren’t you just trying to make yourself feel better?” 

He looks surprised by his answer. Hurt too. 

“I guess that’s right,” 

He frowns. 

“If you actually care, just be honest. She’s not the type of person to turn someone away on a grudge.” 

Before Rin can feel embarrassed about what he’s said, you come stumbling down the steps all dressed up. Your brother gives you a look. 

“Do you need any money?” 

You look at him confused then shake your head no. 

“Okay. Stay safe and have fun.” 

He turns to leave. You watch him go. Rin puts his hands in his pockets like he’s trying to wipe himself of it. 

“Weird… anyways. Ready to go?” 

“Yeah.” 

__ 

Your outing goes well. 

Outing. Not a date. No matter how many times people mistake you two for being on a date today - it was nothing more than an outing. 

You start with stationary for the upcoming term, then you drag Rin to the mall because you need some more clothes. After that, you go into a bookstore to pick up some manga. Rin has fun there because he gets to pick out some new releases and you bond mutually over your tastes. Rin learns both like thrillers. You spend a lot of time together, reading over his shoulder. 

It’s not a date. But it wasn’t bad. He’s so used to talking to you that the entire situation doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You’re funnier than he’s usually willing to give you credit for. Doing all that, plus train rides, makes it so you’re not home until sundown. You, however, refuse to end the night without having some kind of treat. After a lot of begging Rin to cheat on his meal plan, the two of you get ice-cream and you drag Rin to a local playground. Apparently you bring your neighbors' kids here sometimes. 

Now he’s here.  Sitting on swings with ice-cream and it is still not a date. Rin has no opinions on the day but you’re practically bursting at the seams with happiness. The dress you’re wearing is hiking up on your thigh from how you’re sitting. He was right to accompany you, by the way. The amount of creeps he’s had to stare down today alone is outright disgusting. 

Rin takes a spoonful of ice-cream and lets it melt in his mouth. You let your feet hit the mulch beneath you as you lick the ice-cream carefully - trying desperately not to let it spill on your hand. He watches on in amusement. After you finally get a handle on it, you give him a small look. 

“I had fun today,” You say sentimentally. Rin feels his stomach tie in knots “Thank you.”

He frowns. 

“Gross. Stop that.” 

“Aw, c’mon. You’re so edgy. Just admit you had fun! You had a fantastic and whimsical time.” 

He gives you an unimpressed stare. 

“Really? Nothing? You’re not feeling the flames of youthful joy in your loins at all?” 

“Describing it like that is disgusting.” 

“So you admit you know what it is.” 

Rin wants to smile. Fuck, he hates you. 

“...It wasn’t bad.” 

You grin. You’re so annoying.

“Ladies and gents, we got an ‘it wasn’t bad’ from the ever soulless Itoshi Rin!” 

Stupid. So stupid.

“It was more tolerable than hanging out with some of my other dipshit friends.” 

You clasp a hand over your mouth dramatically. 

“Oh…Oh wow… Do you want to try proposing next? The set-up is there. Perfect ambience.” 

His face cracks into a begrudging smile. 

“You’re insufferable.” 

You suddenly go quiet. When Rin looks at you, you’re stunned

“Why’re you being weird?” 

“No, sorry, I was just thinking I really like you,” You say, like it’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world “I’ve never seen you smile before. It’s nice.” 

“...Your ability to say cringy shit like that so easily is astounding to me.” 

“I don’t want to hear this from the guy who unironically uses lukewarm,” You say, biting into your ice-cream cone. Rin blushes. “Besides, nothing wrong with being cringe when you’re in love.” 

“Freak.” 

You give him a thumbs up. 

“One of a kind.” 

There’s a beat of silence. It’s comfortable. Rin eats his too, probably a little slower than he has to. Summer feels heavy in the air. 

“You weren’t always like..an edgelord, right?” 

Rin stares at you, perplexed by how sudden the question is. 

“Where’d you hear that from?” 

“Your mom after dinner. You already went upstairs. Said you had a nasty fight with your brother.” 

He doesn’t say anything, posture stiffening at the mention of Sae. 

“It’s not your business.” 

“Hey. No need for the attitude. I’m curious as your number one fan.” You say, trying to back off as much as possible. Like he’s some kind of feral cat you’re trying to calm. “Don’t be mad, okay? You don’t have to talk about it.” 

You try your best to be soothing and Rin softens 

He is angry. Not at you. Not really.  The mention of Sae just does that to him. And if anyone else even thought to bring it up - he’d probably tell them to go fuck themselves with nothing but bitter hatred. 

With you, there’s not any of that. There’s a lingering sense of hesitance - an internal conflict, but not anger. Rin’s never enjoyed opening his heart to anyone. 

Even so, he feels compelled to tell you, so he does.

“My brothers a dick,” Resentment seeps into his words “He came back from overseas and then basically insulted me for a minute straight. We were always meant to play soccer together but he went through something. He changed. We never talked about it,” 

“What? He insulted you for no reason? That’s so weird. Did you always have a bad relationship?” 

Rin sits with himself quietly. 

“I don’t know if we have one now. We were close as kids. At least.” 

“And he just… came back and started being an asshole to you? Seriously?” 

Rin nods. There’s not much else to the story. Rin’s tried hard not to think about the situation itself. He only uses the feelings that stayed behind to make him better. To give him a reason to play - it’s motivation and nothing more. If he starts to view it too much like what it is, betrayal, he’s afraid everything inside of him will collapse. 

“There’s probably more to it than that,” You conclude thoughtfully. Rin thinks the same “But still. You’re his baby brother. Even if he’s going through something…” 

Rin scoffs “You sound like you’re worried about him.” It comes out more petulantly than he expects 

“Not really. Not as much as I’m worried about you,” You counter, giving him a small smile. Rin feels his heart leap into his throat “I just figure, you know, maybe thinking about it like that would help. You were close right? Your mom said he used to dote on you,” 

Rin nods. He feels his chest swell and tighten. 

“Then…I bet it sucked. I bet it was hard. Or at least, it must’ve been lonely to go through that,” You say, frown deepening “Such a sudden change would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. It’s okay if you feel like it’s unfair. His reasons aside.” 

You sigh, suddenly, covering your hands with your face. 

“What?” Rin asks. You shake your head. 

“You poor thing. I wanna hug you to death you know. A good squeeze. I’m trying to refrain.” You say, stomping your feet just slightly. He feels a flush crawl up his neck, turning his head to look away. 

“...It’s not like I’m stopping you.” 

He doesn’t have the courage to look at you. Not as he says it, or after to steal a glance of what face you're making. Instead, he hears the metal of the chain and feels the warmth of your body. It’s a tight hug. You’re standing and he’s sitting, your arms around his neck, his face directly against your chest. He widens his eyes. He wants to yell at you for being a defenseless idiot, but the feeling of being hugged so tightly washes the words away. You’re soft…and warm. He’s never been hugged by someone who isn’t his mom or brother before, and he can’t remember the last time either thing happened to him. You pat his head. 

Do you touch people like this often? So casually? Or is he special because you like him, he wants to ask. He wants to ask but doesn’t want to know the answer, pushing the feeling down as deep as he can make it go. He wraps his arms around you loosely, above your waist trying to be respectful.  

But he leans into the warmth. Like it’s something that happens once in a lifetime. 

“Hey, Rin.”  You say, soft. He can feel the warmth of your breath against his hair. 

“Hn.” 

“I hope you kick your brother's ass in soccer.” 

You sound teary. Weirdly, it makes Rin feel better. 

“Yeah.”

__ 

School starts up again during September. 

The autumn season welcomes warm colors, fallen leaves and the sort of cool weather that puts the summer uniforms back up on the hangers. Rin is listening to music when he spots you waiting for him at the gate, waving your hand at him. He has half a mind to ignore you, you’re so embarrassing. 

But before he can pretend not to see, you’re jogging over to him. He has to stand so you don’t end up bumping into him. You walk like you were born backwards, two left feet with such little awareness of your surroundings it stresses Rin out. 

He gives you a blank stare as you smile, securing your bag to your shoulder. 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” You say warmly. Rin pauses to look at you. You look different somehow. Lately you always do, Rin wonders if you’ve picked up some weird shape-shifting in your time apart “Are you excited for the new semester, hm? Hmm?” 

He keeps walking and you fall in step with him. You try but he’s too fast, so he slows just a little. He clicks his teeth, shaking his head, eyes taking in the view of the building in front him.

“Why would I be excited?” 

You shrug. 

“Because winter break  is close? Because there’s fun leaves outside? Because it’s your birthday in 6 days?”

He stops dead in his tracks. 

“What the hell? Why do you know that?” 

“Your mom told me.” You say, skipping along happily to school like you didn’t just say something insane. His frown deepens. 

“You have my moms number? You talk to my mom?” 

“She loves me,” You say casually, turning only to look at him and stick your tongue out “And she’s nice. Get over it.” 

With this, you rush into the building faster, giggling as you leave. Rin, frustrated, stomps after you. 

__

Your time together at lunch continues into fall. It’s the third day of the term, September 6th and you’re sitting by his side. The two of you eat in casual silence now, falling into a regular routine. There’s something about the whole ordeal that makes Rin feel a little funny. 

Friendship, as it stands, is still a lukewarm idea to him. But sprawled out next to you in a comfortable quiet isn’t the worst thing. The weather is cool enough to be nice and the daylight lasts for just the right amount of time to see sunset when he treks back home from practicing shooting into the net. 

That kind of sentimental viewing of his surroundings is a bad habit he’s picked up from you. He can’t seem to shake it off. He’s tried at least, but Rin has been stopping to look at everything nowadays. The sun, the trees, the cars passing. Everything passes right by his life, slowly. 

Eventually, eventually this whole thing will cease. You’ll never see Rin again and he’ll never see you - and you’ll part your separate ways. Thinking about that feels so stifling. But he figures since that’s the case, there’s probably not any harm in letting the time pass like this. As long as he’s still improving. 

Your voice doesn’t catch him off-guard anymore, no matter how loud it is after a long bout of silence. You stuff something into your mouth, a tomato he thinks. 

“Rin-kun,” You start, tilting your head to one-side “Are you doing anything for your birthday?” 

“No.” He answers immediately because he never does. He hasn’t done much since Sae left home and now that he’s a third year and about to be 18, there’s even less of a desire to pull together a party and celebrate. 

“What? Boo. That’s so lame.” 

“Don’t be so childish.” 

“I’m older than you, you dummy,” You say with such automation that Rin doesn’t even get the chance to process “You’re not even gonna have cake? Nothing?” 

“My mom might but I don’t have any plans.” 

“Your mom is so nice.” 

“Stop.” 

You frown at him but don’t say any more.  You look like you have something on your mind. Probably something stupid, but Rin can’t help but wonder what’s making your brow crease so intensely. 

“What?” He snips. You flick your eyes to him and shake your head. 

“I just think it’s a waste,” You say simply, that tone of fondness seeping into it that Rin can’t get used to. “It’s such a big number, you know? A little cake and some show tunes or something would suffice.” 

Rin scoffs. 

“I don’t care about it. It’s pointless to me. Lukewarm” He says, before noticing your genuine sadness. He sighs a little to himself “Stop looking like a depressed mutt.” 

“I’m not a dog.” 

“I guess dogs are more well-trained.’ 

“Hey. Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?” 

He ignores you. 

“Anyway, stop worrying about it.”

You pout. 

“Easier said than done.”. 

__ 

Rin’s morning routine has been the exact same for two years. 

He starts by opening the window, to let fresh air and sunlight come in through the glass. He feels like his room gets stale overnight and it wakes him up to taste the sun in the back of his mouth. He takes a deep breath of it, clearing out his lungs and blinking his eyes open. 

After that he stretches. He unfurls a Bluelock brand yoga mat onto his carpeted floor and gets to his usual cycle. It’s integral for an athlete to keep their muscles stretched, functioning like a well-oiled machine. He has it down pat. He starts from the bottom up, stretching his legs and working up to his arms and shoulders. His legs always come first since he’s a striker, always focusing on the mobility of his calves and foot before he stretches out his thigh.

His core, then his chest and arms. When he’s done with all that - he practices yoga for fifteen minutes. Again with mobility but this time full body, like making sure each of his limbs work with each other without any stops. He’ll sit back down after those minutes are up to meditate for another fifteen - clear his mind of absolutely anything stuck in it. It’s the most peace he gets on any given day. 

At the end, he sits with his feelings. Carefully, he undoes the wrapped clothed box around his heart and stares at it as it sits in his lap. Beating and raw and melancholy blue  - so full of sadness and anger like it could burst at any minute. Revisiting his sadness and rage is a necessity. Sometimes it feels like only sadness. Only monochrome. 

(He wonders if a day will come where that part of his routine is changed. If ever, he’ll unwrap his own heart only to see it pink or golden yellow or even a softer shade of red. He wonders if the colors ever change, or if time will fade them.) 

All of this happens before he even brushes his teeth. The rest of his morning routine is keeping his room neat. He folds the comforter on his bed, puts any dirty clothes away, and gets dressed. He doesn’t really style his hair - it’s so pin straight after washing he normally just has to brush it to keep it nice. 

After that he has breakfast, and checks through his bag. On days he has school he goes to school and comes back to practice. If he’s home alone - he picks one of many other things to do. He tends to practice closer to evening, taking a shower before he goes to sleep. 

On the morning of Rin’s 18th birthday, he’s only really acutely aware of the date. His morning starts the exact same as it has everyday for nearly two years. Nothing to make him feel particularly different. When he looks in the mirror, he still sees his brother's face and when he looks at his heart it’s still a steely, melancholy blue. 

When he comes down stairs, though - there’s a pair of shoes he doesn’t recognize. And there’s a humming traveling down the hall and always the way up towards him that he knows quite well. 

He thinks, for a minute, he might still be dreaming. Why you would be in his house on a Saturday morning makes absolutely no sense otherwise. 

He slips his feet into his gray slippers and treks into the living room, only to find you in view of the open kitchen. There’s a balloon attached to flowers and a spread of fruits on the table. Orange juice in a cold glass. You with his moms borrowed apron, humming contentedly as you bend over the stove. 

Rin doesn’t know what the feeling is. He doesn’t know if he’s irritated or not. Just that it’s so overwhelming to see you in his kitchen, marching to the beat of your own drum like you always do. 

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” 

You startle when you hear his voice, whipping around to face him. Dramatically putting a hand on your chest - you shoot him an unfriendly glare. 

“Well hello to you too.” 

“Answer my question.” He demands. You click your teeth. 

“Well, obviously I’m making breakfast. We’re celebrating your birthday.” 

“Without telling me.” 

You snap your fingers before giving him finger guns “Precisely. Genius deduction, Itoshi-sama.” 

“What the fuck. Where are my parents.” 

“They’re out on a day-trip! It’s a Saturday. They’ll be back here on Sunday afternoon. Read the note.” 

“What were you gonna do if I had last minute plans?” 

“You don’t though?” You say like knowing that is so obvious. He knows you asked but still “I guess I’d turn around and make my own breakfast. Give you your gift at school or something.” 

“Why are you here?” He asks a little softer this time. With a little more emotion, just a touch. He never expects anyone to make a fuss about his birthday. 

Rin doesn’t really ask for much. Certainly wouldn’t ask for this on his own accord. That’s a vain thing to do, right? 

It occurs to Rin that this is the kind of birthday you do for someone you like. Someone you love. You’re always confessing your feelings to him. You only say it when you’re sure. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t know you had feelings for him, because the point of it all had been for you to try and get rid of them. Or honor them, or deal with them in whatever way you saw fit. Rin had agreed on a whim to help you with that. Your friendship had started with the very notion that you liked Itoshi Rin and he didn’t like you back. It’s not some secret. 

When the light pours in through the windows and hits your back and for the first time - Rin understands what the fuss is about being in love is. He’s sure that this strange, grotesque warmth is the aftermath of being liked. He always thought it’d feel more simple. That he’d remain unmoved in the face of it because he was different.

It’s not like he’s unloved. He’s sure his parents love him. His brother did too. Still does, Rin thinks. 

But it’s the first time someone has made their feelings so clear to him. Someone who isn’t supposed to love or like him. And even Rin, chronically apathetic, can’t bring himself to ignore the weight of knowing that. He stares at you, dumbstruck. 

You’re still turned to him. There’s a cool tumbler of iced-coffee sitting on the counter that you sip, head tilted to one side. 

“Well, I don’t know,” You start, a hand on your hip “It just felt like too much of a waste to do nothing on your birthday. But you’re not the kind of guy who likes big celebrations. So I thought maybe just hanging out would be more your speed.”

Rin swallows. “Seriously?” 

“Seriously.”

“Bold thing to assume.” 

You frown back. 

“Well, I was gonna invite Isagi-kun—“

“Isagi? How do you know Isagi?”

“He saw me leaving your house ‘cause he was gonna visit.  After we talked he followed me on Instagram. Anyway, I was gonna invite him and Bachira and all four of us could go to a movie,” You explain as you sigh and go back to the stove “But he said you’d probably just want to hang out with me.” 

“…And he didn’t say anything else?”

“Well he asked if we were dating so I just told him the truth. Really nice guy, by the way.” 

Rin’s going to hound Isagi next time they practice together. 

“So. Now you’re here… doing what exactly?”

“Making you breakfast. I’ll make you ochazuke for lunch later. Haven’t decided on dinner, I thought I’d ask when you woke up. Your mom said you liked traditional breakfast but I didn’t think I’d be done by the time you woke up so there’s fruit.” 

Sure enough, when Rin walks over to the other side of the table - there’s a half done spread of breakfast on the table. All the dining ware is set up neatly, the table arranged so well he feels guilty for not helping. 

“You didn’t have to do all this for me.” Rin tsks, a frown on his expression as he stands next to you. He watches you pour egg into a square pan, slowly evening out the layers. 

“I wanted to,” You reply, not thinking twice about it. “I enjoy cooking for people. It’s fun. I normally just do it to feed myself, so it’s nice to share.” 

He closes his eyes. 

“Thanks.” 

He’s afraid to look over at you, the excitement radiating off of you. It makes him uncomfortable that something so simple could make you so happy. 

“Can you repeat that?” 

“Don’t start.” 

“Rin-chan,” You coo, immediately making him so embarrassed he wants to hit you “You’re so docile today.” 

“I’m gonna kill you.” He says, hitting your shoulder as light as he can. 

“Woah…how romantic. Dying on the day you were born? Jeez. I’m swooning.” 

He looks at you blankly. 

“Stop being gross. Where did you even get that from?” 

“Too many things to count,” You say with a snap. He shakes his head. 

“Is there anything I can help with?” 

“How diligent. It’s fine! It’s your birthday, right? Sit. Eat some fruit. Pick out what you wanna do. I rented some games and there’s some movies I had in mind too. Make your agenda. “

Rin laughs to himself, lightly. 

“Isn’t that supposed to be your job?” 

“Don’t be stingy! I’m already making breakfast.”

Rin rolls his eyes.

“Yeah. Whatever.” 

__

You end up back in Rin’s room. 

After a healthy discussion about what he would like to do - Rin landed on wanting to do both. He picked out a copy of Resident Evil  to play until after lunch and then decided to binge a bunch of movies after. 

You even agree to accompany him while he practices. There’s 24 hours in a day and the plans are nothing more than vague suggestions - but deep down, it makes Rin kind of…well whatever. It’s not a bad plan. 

Currently, you’re sitting at the foot of Rin’s bed with your hands tight around the controller of his PS4. Rin feels a little bad for you. While you do okay with horror movies, the immersion of horror games seems to frighten you enough that your eyes are glued onto the screen. As such, Rin is trying his best not to startle you as you lean forward every so slightly. The leg of your pants is pushed up just barely. You’re dressed cozy, so it’s funny seeing your head shrink into your hoodie. 

“Why the fuck would you set it hardcore if this BOTH of our first times playing,” You whine, turning yourself into the next room carefully on screen “I’m scared.” 

“You’re such a wuss,” He scoffs, leaning back from where he’s sitting next to you on his bed. “We’re never gonna make any progress like this.” 

You stomp your feet and Rin resists the urge to laugh. 

“Shut up, it’s scary.” 

He nudges your shoulder with his knee. 

“Stop complaining. You got to pick the character and I got to pick the difficulty.” 

“I deserve to lust after Leon after the shit I’m getting put through,”

Rin scoffs at your declaration. The irritation is softened when you walk into the backroom faced with a zombie - a short scream leaving your lips as you mash buttons and use your gun to kill it quickly. You manage to dodge as much damage as you can, obviously trying not to waste limited resources. Even so it takes damn near 7 bullets. Despite your cowardice, you’re pretty good at the game. 

You loot the room for any possible supplies then leave. You turn the corner of the isle, a zombie filled gas station awaiting you. You manage to save bullets and stun the one closest to you before getting your shit completely rocked - quick to duck out. The first cut scene of the game comes next where you meet the other main character Claire. You gasp like you’ve been running, shoving the controller towards Rin. 

“Your turn. Move, I wanna sit on your bed.” 

“Why?” 

“Cause it’s a weekend and I have a right to be lazy. Shoo. On the floor.” 

“You’re getting way too comfortable in my house on my birthday.” 

Rin, does, go sit on the floor where you were. Mostly because it’s a better position to play the game in. At least it has minimal back support. The cut scene plays in the background, nothing difficult as the main characters go to the next area - the police station and the technical start of the game. Rin hasn’t played the remake, but he did longingly watch some playthroughs while he was in Bluelock during its release. 

He had never mentioned it to you, so he was shocked you knew enough about it to bring it over. He likes survival horror and he was always wanting to play it. 

“Me and your mom are best friends so I practically live here anyways. Also shut-up and look.” 

He does shut up, too invested in the story to be annoyed.  The main characters get separated and Leon ends up in the streets. 

For whatever reason, he’s conscious about proximity. Your knee next to his shoulder. You’re close enough to touch him casually and he’s wondering…hoping to know if you’re naive enough to do it without thinking. It feels like a stroke of luck, or maybe a form of mind-reading when you reach for his hair with your fingers. He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose. He thinks he should tell you to stop. 

But when you ask “Is this okay?” 

He can’t find the strength in himself to do it. He focuses on the scene in front of him, weaving through the cars to shake off a horde of zombies. Rin grabs the controls, immediately turning around to try and stun a group of zombies before turning into the gate so he can head to the station.

His heart is racing and his eyes almost feel cross from how much he’s focusing but it’s not exactly the game. The game isn’t even that scary, as much as it’s gory he thinks. 

“I don’t care but,” He says through a breath, trying to sound like he means it and that he’s not so conscious of the way your pinky lingers on his nape “when’d you get so touchy?” 

“I like touching you.” You reply, twirling a strand of hair around your fingers “Your hair is so silky and nice. I felt when I gave you a hug that one time and I kept thinking about it.” 

Rin wants to say “Do you think about me that much?” but the words don’t come out how he wants. 

“Do you touch everyone like this?” 

You’re silent for a minute. It takes patience, effort - not to turn his head to see the look on your face. Though he probably knows it. He thinks he just wants affirmation from you. 

“...No. Not really. I just like you.” 

There’s a beat of silence - a pause designated for his rejection, the promise he made to you so many months ago. He knows what the script is. And he’s said it many times before. Not in a million years, right? 

But he can’t bring himself to say it this time, so he doesn’t.

“Yeah. I know.” 

___

Before Rin knows it, the day is coming to a close. 

The entirety of it you spend together, with you faithfully stuck to him and without Rin feeling entirely suffocated. He isn’t sure why it’s so easy with you. Normally this much socialization would render him exhausted. Irritable at best and angry at worst. But he’s not. In fact even after his entire workout routine, he felt fine listening to you ramble. He didn’t need complete silence, but even when there were lulls and dips - it didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

You didn’t get far in Resident Evil 2. Rin decides to cut it short since it’d definitely take a lot longer than all the time you had and there were movies he wanted to watch. When you whine about not being able to finish - he quietly told  you to just come over next time and play it with him then. 

He waited a year, so he can wait a little longer. Your face lit up idiotically, giddy with delight at the promise of next time. As promised, ochazuke was for lunch and after 30 minutes of digestion - he put it out of his mind as he did his daily drills. You joined him, insisting that you’d be fine doing nothing. Sat on the field with a book the entire time even though it was cold, tossing him his things whenever he took a break - smiling each time he talked to you. 

(“You know you don’t actually need to stay with me the entire day.” He reminds you of this as he brings a bottle of water to lips, sweat dripping down the side of his head even in the cool weather. You turn your head up at him. 

“When else am I gonna get to stick by your side all day? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” 

“You’re so good at being annoying it’s impressive,” He says, dropping his water bottle back down “Aren’t you bored?” 

“Huh? No way. I have my fun book to keep me company and on top of that I get to see you play in the flesh.” 

Oh, yeah. You mentioned watching him when he was in Bluelock. “Well, it’s not like a match. But I’m not gonna keep asking, so whatever.” 

“Yes, yes - I understand. Now go, shoo.”)

Even though Rin practiced for his usually long amount of hours, you sat with him diligently - even stopping to cheer him on when you needed a break from reading or studying or whatever else you were doing. 

Upon returning, he went to shower and you went to warm up in  the kitchen. After he was redressed and clean, he joined you downstairs to order take-out and have dinner. 

Finally, it’s after dinner and you’ve banished Rin to his room while you set something up downstairs. He’s mostly scrolling twitter, watching soccer highlights from the accounts he follows. He’s just about comfortable when you finally call him back down, which irritates him enough to click his teeth but not enough to bring it up to you. 

After a long day, when Rin finally comes back down stairs, walking down into the hall and back into the living room - he can’t help but be surprised at the change in scenery. All the lights have been turned low, and everything looks different. You’ve taken to decorating a wall of his living room after some rearranging. A white sheet hanging up with something, and a plethora of fairy lights in stripes going down it in a nice pattern. 

There’s a banner and it looks hand-made. It spells out happy birthday, rin in neat, thick blue letters on cut-out white shapes, attached along the back wall. On the table in front, there’s some decoration along with nice paper plates and plastic cutlery and a cake in the middle that’s nicer than he’s expecting. 

You beam at him as he walks in. And you’re stupid enough to be wearing a birthday hat, giving him jazz hands as he enters. 

“Happy birthday!” 

On paper, Rin thinks it’s been something of a boring birthday. He did what he normally would do on a day off but you cooked for him twice. He spent most of it with you, even though it was a lot of nothing. A lot of being together like you were roommates or something. Maybe that's why he’s so reluctant to admit that this is making him feel something. 

That the silly theatrics feel meaningful. It is thoughtful, isn’t it? Rin doesn’t think anyone in his entire life has done anything this thoughtful for him. Birthdays are birthdays, and they’ve never really been especially meaningful. He didn’t see the point in just celebrating the day of someone's birth. Certainly, he doesn’t think he’d have it in himself to do something like this for another person. 

Rin stares at you. Wearing a stupid birthday hat and the most gleeful, idiotic smile he’s ever seen. All of this for a guy who’s rejected you, but you seem to cherish so much anyways. Apathetic and ungraceful as he is and always will be - he’s so overwhelmed he doesn’t know what to do. What a strange, unrecognizable feeling welling up inside of him. And not even one feeling, but so many so tangled with each other - he can’t see anything straight. His eyes aren’t drawn to the candlelight, or the moon, or the cake. 

It’s like a sense of tunnel vision. Where all Rin can really look at is you. It’s happened before. How can anyone be like this, he wonders. Are there people born into the world so unselfishly? And if they are, why would he ever cross paths with them? How could someone so easy to love have any business loving him, in the first place? 

Rin won’t ever understand you. He accepts that. He’ll never be able to understand this kind of person. Someone who shines even brighter than the sun. 

But he’s not so stupid to not understand himself. He’s unable to say the words he’d promised to you all the way in April. Rin doesn’t like to lie. 

He would be lying, that is, if you told him just one more time that you liked him.  He’d be lying if it told you it’ll never happen. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like you. And it’s not just because you like him, because that never mattered to him in the first place. 

Some people are made to be adored. Born special and bright like everything should revolve around them. Perhaps that kind of thing is only afforded to people without ego. With heart and character and charisma. 

It doesn’t matter. What a stupid thing to realize on his birthday of all days.

“Rin-kun?” 

He blinks. 

“Where’d you hide all of this?” 

You laugh at him, bubbly and delighted.

“I brought it in a tote and kept it in the kitchen. Mostly stuff from my house, and your mom helped with the cake and stuff. It’s nice right? I did a good job, no?” 

Ah. He’s fucked. 

“It looks okay.” 

You frown, huffing and puffing “Just okay? C’mon, don’t be stingy.” 

“Doesn’t begging for compliments defeat the purpose of them.” 

“Not to me,” 

Your frown deepens and Rin is starting to feel the rose colored glasses set in. 

“It’s nice. It’s good.” 

“So you like it? You’re happy? Delighted, even? Absolutely overjoyed by-” 

“Cut it out or I’m going to send you home.” 

“No,” You whine, tugging on his sleeves like you’re worried he really will “I want cake.” 

“Then let’s cut the cake?”

“We can’t,” You put your arms up in a cross and Rin gives you a look of confusion. “I promised I’d get a good picture of you.” 

“What? Promised who?” 

“Your parents, mostly. But also, you should post on your Instagram a little more, no? You’re basically a famous player already, you should have the courtesy to feed your fans.” 

Before he can do anything to protest, you usher Rin to sit on the other side of the table before you back with his phone. He stares at you but you only look at him expectantly. Still, he unlocks it and hands it to you. He gives you an irritated sigh (though he isn’t really irritated). 

“This is stupid.” 

“It’s a good thing to capture memories, you dummy. Now smile,” You say, holding up the camera after some angling “Or don’t. The people do love a good scowl.” 

That makes him want to smile. He’s awkward in the photos but he does stay still for them, trying his best not to look ridiculous. You take a few, then pause to come up to the table and light the candles in front of him. He hears the camera shutter one more time before you look up at him over the edge. 

“Ready to blow out your candles?” 

“I guess.” 

Before Rin can do anything about it, he listens to you sing happy birthday - poorly with too much enthusiasm. You’re tone deaf and passionate all at the same time - singing each word with a dramatic flair until you’re on the final word. You can’t clap because you’re recording but you do cheer as he burns the candles out. Once it’s over you stop recording, looking down and swiping through the pictures. 

“They turned out good. You should post them.” 

“...You’re done taking them?” 

You tilt your head to one side. 

“Yeah?” 

“We didn’t get any together.” 

Your eyes widen like he said something shocking. 

“...You wanna take them together?” 

He scoffs. 

“We spent the whole day together.” 

You flush, suddenly embarrassed and god. 

“I just wasn’t expecting you to want that. I mean we’re friends but-” 

“Shut up. And come here.” 

So you do, phone still in hand as you mess with your appearance.

“Do you want to take it or do you want me to?” 

“Oh, uh lemme just-” You go through a bunch of filters and find one before handing it to him, a nervous expression “You take it cause your arm is longer and you’re taller.” 

Rin just nods. Takes the phone from you,  and lets you pose a little before he takes the photo. He hands it back to you so you can see, and watches your eyes light up as you stare at it. Stupid. 

“It came out nice.” You say. You save it onto his phone before handing it back to him. “Send it to me later?” 

“Yeah.” 

You give him another grin and Rin takes his phone from you, going through the pictures as he opens up Instagram. He guess it wouldn’t hurt to post. You leave his side, saying something about cutting the cake. But he isn’t looking, really. 

He drafts a post as he waits for you. He likes the picture you took together best and decides to put it second. He never has any idea on how to caption these which is why he doesn’t want to post it in the first place. He glances at you, then sighs internally. 

itoshirin._ posted for the first time in a while.  posted 7 mins ago. liked by isagi_yoichi, bachiraaaaa, and others.  itoshirin._ ; 09.09.2002. thanks for everything, stupid.  isagi_yoichi commented: no way you’re getting a girlfriend before me. life is so unfair and cruel.  isagi_yoichi commented: oh happy birthday btw bachiraaaaa commented: RIN-CHAN !!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ official_itoshisae: happy birthday.  itoshirinsnumberonefan: WHO IS THAT??  yo_hiori: happy birthday! 

“Rin, I cut the cake!” 

He puts his phone on DND before taking a plate of cake from your hand. 

__

The clock strikes two, and you’re still at Rin’s place. 

After a long binge of horror movies, you’re both comfortably in each other's space - only inches away, talking about nothing. The movie ended a little over half an hour ago.

He’s still doing just that, listening to you chatter away next to his ear. The room is completely dark minus the soft glow of the T.V. which gives just enough light for Rin to gaze at your face. Your eyes are wide and sparkly, still, even though it seems like the tiredness is getting to you too. 

Neither of you wants to stop talking. You’ve started discussing manga - particularly Rin's favorite manga. 

“Ciguatera was interesting,” You say, hugging one of his pillows close to your chest.  “I wasn’t sure what to expect.” 

“I’m shocked you read it. Seriously. I thought you would’ve  forgotten the minute after I told you.” 

“Well, yeah. You recommended it, so obviously I wanted to at least try,” You say with a breathless laugh, turning over to face him. You’re facing each other, he realizes a second too late “You’re such a boy, by the way. Weekly young magazine? Really.” 

“Shut up.” He says, with no real bite to his words “What were you expecting?” 

“Dunno. Didn’t think you were interested in romance of all things. Especially cause Ogino’s kind of a loser.” 

“There was other stuff in it.” He points out. You chuckle. 

“Yeah. Way raunchier and darker than I thought. But it was mostly about romance. So, I was surprised to say the last.” 

“What,” Rin starts, partially offended by the implication “Do you think I'm a soulless machine or something?” 

“Well no,” You frown, shaking your head as you stare at him “But you’ve rejected every confession you’ve ever gotten, even from some of the prettiest girls in our entire grade. So I didn’t think you had any interest in that kinda thing.”

He scoffs.”You’re stupid.” 

“You tell me all the time,” You point your fingers and place them under your chin. “Why did you reject them, by the way? Just trying to focus on soccer?” 

He feels flush, explaining. Turning his gaze to the ceiling, he sighs. 

“None of those people actually had feelings for me. It wasn’t meaningful in any way.” 

“And you want it to be meaningful?” 

“There’s no point being in a relationship with someone I don’t like and barely know. And who doesn’t really care to get to know me. I’m busy enough with soccer, and I don’t have time to entertain lukewarm relationships like that.” 

“What an unexpectedly sentimental reason. How soft of you Rin-kun.” 

“Shut up.” 

There’s a pause of thoughtful silence where you hum and lay flat on your back, reaching your hand up towards the ceilings. Rin can’t do much more than look. 

“You know. How I said I’ve been watching you since you were in Bluelock?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Y’know. I always thought you looked really sad back then. I might’ve been reading too much into it but,” You smile, corners of your lips upturned while you giggle “It’s like…weirdly relieving to see you like this.” 

“Like what?” 

“You’re like…just a boy,” You say wispy and delighted “A normal boy who reads shitty raunchy magazines and thinks about love. It’s comforting somehow. Makes me feel special. I really like you. A little more every day, it feels like.” 

Another beat of silence. He thinks you can sense the hesitance of his rejection. There’s such a tangible shift in the atmosphere. If Rin stretches his hand out to touch it, he thinks he’d push through an impossible barrier and keep falling in it forever. He thinks it would swallow him. 

He isn’t sure what it is. If it’s an act of bravery, or a sudden uptick in adrenaline, or if the exhaustion of a long day is finally starting to hit. Maybe it’s just these feelings that keep overwhelming him that make his body move. Something outside of his mind, nestled in his ribs, that has him inching closer to you. 

He flips until he’s hovering over you. Your eyes widen and you stare at him. He stares back, like he almost can’t believe himself. 

“Rin-kun?” 

And he freezes. The confidence dissipates as soon as he finds it but now he’s above you, on top of you. You’re messy and flush from the day. Your mascara is smudged and your lipgloss is gone - leaving a faint sheen on your mouth that matches your skin. Your hoodie is rumpled around the shoulders - one of the sleeves pulled to your elbows. Rin really gets a look at you. Cognizant of the fact he spent all day with you. That’s why you look worn and sleepy and so unbelievably cute. So cute it annoys him. Irritates him half to death. 

You open your mouth again, only to close it. It almost feels like he can hear your heart. Or maybe it’s his. It’s hard to know the difference. 

“Is this a n-new kind of bullying?” You joke, trying to ease the tension. He frowns at you. 

“Does it seem like I’m joking?” 

Your eyes widen and you turn away. Rin wants to make you look. 

“Well no but…” And you squirm a little “what are you doing?”

He doesn’t know, either. 

“I don’t know.” He admits, and you laugh a little breathless and the tension is so thick Rin can’t swallow around it “I want to kiss you.” He blurts out. Awkward and uncharismatic and clumsy. 

A bout of silence.

“...Am I going insane? Did you just say you want to kiss me?”

“I did.” 

More silence. 

“Why? Wouldn’t that make me your first kiss?” 

“It would.” 

“And isn’t that like… reserved for your special someone?” 

“It is.” 

“Rin-kun,” You breathe out, blinking in disbelief  “Do you even know what you’re saying?” 

“I do.”

You’re a little more serious this time. You put your hand on his shoulder. He feels like the Earth is gonna fall from under his feet. 

“Stop messing with me.” 

“I’m not.” 

You frown. 

“Do you really want to kiss me?” 

“Yeah,” He can’t think “I do.” 

You reach up for him. You’re more experienced with this kind of thing and it shows as you cup the nape of his neck. He doesn’t finch. He doesn’t look away from you either, as your thumb brushes under his eyes - the both of you so wrapped up in each other nothing matters. Rin would stay in this forever, if someone gave him the option.

“W-we have to talk about this afterwards, okay?”

“Okay.” 

“I’m serious, Itoshi Rin. Because you can’t just—” 

Your palm cups his cheek and he rubs against it instinctively. He sees your eyes widen and you swallow - a frown still etched into your features. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

Your voice goes as soft as a whisper. 

“You’re so unfair.” 

He almost laughs. 

“Please kiss me.” He asks, so silently it almost goes unheard but he knows you hear it because your lips press into a thin line before you’re pulling Rin down towards you. Your lips are soft. And warm. And they taste faintly like whip-cream and the slight sour of strawberries and your hands are so gentle. Somehow he feels at ease even though he feels like he’s going to implode on himself from nerves. 

Just a little deeper before you pull away and stare at him. Rin looks back, eyes jumping from your lips up to your eyes and back down to your lips. You open your mouth to say something. Mumbling his given name only for him to cut you off with another kiss, a little deeper this time. The way it shuts you up is so cute it almost makes him angry. How it muffles your words, tapers off into a noise of surprise and ends up just back at a kiss. 

He’s never felt like this kind of thing was a viable option. Itoshi Rin is an antisocial, angry, and apathetic soccer protege and he has no time in the world for anything lukewarm. He’s rejected every confession he’s ever received in his life and always thought of relationships as something far off and disconnected to him in his entirety.

Perpetually unloveable but maybe not in such an angsty, vulnerable way. Like a law of the universe. A truth, like thinking of him, means to postulate that he is that way. A prerequisite to understanding him. 

Rin doesn’t like things that are half-ass. Perhaps, part of the reason he likes you so much is because you’ve proved him wrong in such an utterly defeating way. The fact your very existence is by and large, the antithesis of this truth. 

Itoshi Rin is not only loveable, but he is capable of loving. There is evidence of it, right underneath him now - with soft lashes and wet eyes and the brightest smile that could ever exist. 

And it’s haunting for more reasons than one. But he likes how unyielding the revelation is. You’re worried he’ll want to avoid it, and he does. But he doesn’t think he could forever, even if he tried. 

He’s confident if he made the attempt, you’d come barreling towards him once more. With all the confidence in the world. It makes him want to at least try to face it.

Which is why he’s kissing you a second, third, and fourth time. Which is why he’s looking at you in between, wide blue eyes transfixed on every part of your face. He’s trying to face what daunts him most, not like but love and the difference is more important as the days pass. 

You pull away, finally - put a hand on his chest and stare. 

“Rin-kun,” You whisper, uncertain of yourself which he hates. “I like you. I really like you.” And again, a little softer “And I want you to like me too,” Like that had been the biggest secret of all. Something you’d never told anyone, even once. 

Rin can’t imagine it. Have you been holding in something like this all this time? He only realized a couple hours ago and it already feels like he’s going to rip apart at the seams. 

“I do. I do like you.”

“Really? Forreal? Seriously? You’re not pulling my leg? Yanking my chain?” 

He knocks his forehead against yours. 

“Be quiet. How can you be this stupid in the middle of getting confessed to?” 

You pout. Pout at him, all whiny. God. 

“It doesn’t feel real to me.” 

He laughs humorlessly. “It’s all a dream. You’ll forget it all in the morning.” 

“Stop being mean to me.” 

He has to be. If he’s not you’re going to see right through him. 

“No,” He says instead “Stop being so ridiculous first.” 

“An impossible ask to the world's most ridiculous girl.” 

He smiles a little. 

“That’s a good name for you. I’ll change your contact.” 

“Nooo,” You say again, this time pulling him down for a hug. His eyes widened. And he’s unfair? “Be nice to your girlfriend.” 

He doesn’t have anything to say to that. It flusters him too, admittedly. Before he can think of a counter, you yawn big and wide. Rin is still on top of you and neither of you have brushed your teeth. He was planning on putting you up in the guest room, but currently you’re clinging to him half-away. And he has no such plans of telling you to move. 

“I’m so tired.” 

Rin feels like he’s going to pass out, He mumbles. 

“You can sleep.” 

“Want you to sleep too.” 

Rin closes his eyes. He couldn’t refuse even if he wanted to. You’ll have to talk about it in the morning. 

“Okay.” 

__ 

“Rin? Where’s your frie—oh!” 

Rin stirs the minute his mom enters the room. It only takes him a minute to regain consciousness and by the time he’s awake - he’s already regretting not locking his door. 

He continues to pretend to be asleep. He thinks you still are because you’re comfortably slotted in his arms. Rin is so embarrassed he wants to die. He hears his mom gasp, and then quietly shouts for his father to come to his room. 

“What are you—oh.” 

Rin is going to have the worst morning of his life whenever they leave. He remains still. He hears the shutter of a camera and grits his teeth all the way in the back of his jaw. 

“Oh this will make a great wedding photo.” 

His dad laughs a little to himself, ushering his mother out of the room “Don’t get carried away,” 

When the door finally clicks, Rin opens his eyes and lets out a breath of relief. Much to his shock, he also feels you stir. His eyes widen when you turn to him, your face painted in utter mortification before you bury it in your hands. He stares at you as you groan, kicking your feet. 

“Oh god I’m going to cry. How am I going to face her? Oh my god” 

Rin scoffs a little at your dramatics. It calms him down in a strange way “She’s not gonna say anything to you. She’s probably only going to bully me about it.” 

“I’ve forsaken you, mother-in-law” 

Rin nudges your ribs, blush crawling up his face. 

“Shut up.” 

__ 

Up until three weeks ago, Rin didn’t take issue with the way you interacted at school. 

You two have a pretty strict policy about it. Though you’re in the same class and you chat occasionally in the halls - you tend to avoid Rin where you can. Originally, this made sense. For the sake of his comfort and yours, the best choice was sneaking to the roof together to eat where you could remain mostly undisturbed. 

As such, Rin has never been particularly consciousness of your presence in the classroom. For starters, you’re always somewhere. A busybody of the highest pedigree and always running errands - even if Rin were to try to talk to you he can only really find you 20 percent of the time. Secondly, unlike Rin, you have a handful of friends surrounding you. Rin has interacted with them very briefly but you (seemingly for his sake) try not to force him out of his comfort zone too much by making you all sit together. The most Rin has gotten from them is a single knowing smirk or glance. 

And lastly, before three weeks ago, it would’ve been a big problem if people started getting onto either of you about a relationship that didn’t exist. That would've been all around awkward and uncomfortable and maybe would’ve deterred your future endeavors with other guys. 

That was when you and Itoshi Rin were in fact not dating. 

Three weeks into your relationship and nothing much has changed, though nowadays you come over to his house on weekends where you can. You’ve even been on one date after his dad (of all people) hounded him about never taking you on a proper one. 

You text the same as you did before, and you call Rin a little more often. Usually for the purposes of rambling so much you tucker yourself out and fall asleep. 

But at school, Rin only really sees you for the spare minutes of lunch and not much more than that. He’s never really thought about it before. It was never enough of an issue to warrant his intervention. 

It’s not like he cares, okay? 

But he’s more aware of it, now - frustratingly enough. You really don’t see each other often enough in school and you have many more guy friends than he had ever considered before. Every time he catches you and Murata-senpai trekking down the hall he feels his blood pressure rise. 

You and Rin have both decided, though. Despite his posting of you, neither of you have confirmed the relationship. Rin is immune to the prying and you’re good at dodging it altogether. This is the agreement. 

It is therefore very irrational of him to be thinking of speaking up at this current moment in time. 

Despite your mutual decision to keep things as private as possible, Rin has heard nothing but gossip about the situation for weeks. Outside of the usual, direct kind of prying - there’s whispers and stares and all sorts of other things. Rin doesn’t care about it. He’s used to it, it’s part of the gig and the neo-egoist league made him near immune. 

It’s all the things directed at you that make him seethe. Misplaced jealousy and the disappointed remarks of guys in class that make him feel like his blood pressure is rising. The latter is what’s making him most irritated now. How fucking long are these idiots going to talk about this? 

“Dude, you had like three years to confess,” Some idiot, who’s name Rin doesn’t know is still yapping “If she’s actually dating Mr.Popular then it’s on you for fucking yourself over.” 

The other idiot in question groans, and Rin forces his face to remain impassive as he listens. He tries to stop listening. More than once, actually. But they just keep going. 

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it dude. Like there’s no way, right? He rejected every single girl who ever confessed to him. I thought she was safe. And now my highschool love is forever ruined.” 

Like he ever stood a chance. How ridiculous. 

Another one of the goons speaks up “Dunno. Neither of them have said anything right? You miss all of the shots you don’t take.” 

“Are you saying I should just confess to her anyway? She got posted on his Instagram dude.” 

A smirk appears on Extra Three’s face “No confirmation means fair game. Stop being pussy and do it.” 

“You think I stand a chance against that dude?” 

Rin can feel all three pairs' eyes hit him at once. 

“Nah. Not a chance. But you could always wait till she’s all heartbroken and comfort her, right? Hook, line, and sinker.” 

“I hear when girls are heartbroken they’re like way more likely to let you—” 

With that, Rin stands to his feet. He’s seething. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. He should definitely just leave to go cool his head but he’s so fucking angry it’s hard to sit still and he has no other way of dealing with his feelings. So he walks towards the table slowly, eyes darkened and just barely holding it in

He knows this is a bad idea. He can feel the whole classroom look at him as he slams his hand down on the desk. But he doesn’t care. He’ll deal with it later. 

“You’d be fucking lucky if my girlfriend ever looked your way.” 

As soon as Rin says it, there's a thud at the door-way of the classroom. When he looks up you’re there with your eyes widened. Rin just looks back, impassive and immune to the sudden uproar of whispers. 

He only clicks his teeth when you grab him by the sleeve of his uniform - cracking a small smile as he hears the faint words “Just give up dude.” as he leaves. 

__ 

Up on the roof top, you’re shaking Rin by the shoulders - visibly distressed. 

“Hey! What the hell was that?” 

“What.” He offers, not willing to budge on the situation. In the first place he’s a little irritated by all of it. And he’s a little irritated by how much you’ve been enforcing the no-talking rule. Right now, it really feels like he can’t take it anymore. 

You frown deeply, distress only growing as the time passes in uncomfortable silence. Rin doesn’t want to be civil about it. About it and about you and about those idiots. 

“We had an agreement!” You say, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, though it’s weak. He stares down at you. 

“So what?” 

“Rin, we talked about this. Don’t be like this.” 

“Like what.” 

“Pissy and weird. You’re being weird and I don’t like it. It’s making me sad.” 

“How am I being—” 

Before Rin can proceed with his sentence, he catches a glimpse of your face in the midst of his tantrum. Sad like a puppy who got its tail stepped on and about ready to cry, he immediately seals his mouth in fear of making it worse. 

“Why are you doing that?” He spits. 

“Doing what?”

“Being all sad and pathetic. Does it really bother you that much if people know we’re dating?” 

“It’s not like that.” You assure. 

“Then what is it?” Rin prods, frustrated but not wanting to make things worse “Why is it such a big deal?” 

There’s a bout of silence before you sigh. 

“Rin, you’re a huge soccer player. The people you’re dating and stuff - it’s a big deal,” 

Rin cuts you off. 

“That’s what you were worried about? My career?” 

“Well, yeah.” 

“You’re stupid.” 

“Hey! I’m seriously worried about it and then you go and—” 

He gives you a frown. He forgets all too often you’re like this. He’s used to your silly and unserious way of talking, so it slips his mind that you’re actually a massively responsible person. You probably have a point about it, thinking of the consequences of your relationship through hell and back. With a detached sense of rationality - Rin can recognize that you’re probably thinking about more things than this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so touchy of a subject. 

Nothing’s changed on paper, but everything will eventually. It’s something to think about, admittedly. 

Honestly Rin doesn’t care what strangers think. He’s blunt and unfriendly. Always has been, and will continue to be through the majority of his career he’s absolutely sure. Even outside of Bluelock, he has almost no regard for the opinions of other people and what concerns them. Maybe it’s irresponsible, but Rin isn’t playing soccer for the approval of the populace and nothing will ever change that. 

“If I thought that was something I should worry about, we wouldn’t be dating.” 

You look up at him. 

“You should be worried about it.” You emphasize. 

“I’m not. I don’t care what any of those people think.” 

“Then why’d you go and say something?” 

Rin seethes.

“They deserved it.” 

Your hand reaches for his cheek. He pauses and takes a deep breath, staring at you. He leans into your touch instinctively, frustration eased by the sensation. You stare back. 

“Okay. We’ll announce it officially later, then.” 

“Do we even need to do that? If you tell three people, half of our grade’ll find out anyway.” 

“Are you saying my friends  gossip?” 

He doesn’t reply to that. You pout at him and Rin fights the urge to kiss you. There’s a beat of silence as you give him a hug - the two of you on the same roof you always are. Rin doesn’t mind it, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist. 

“You know, it’s gonna get busy for me soon.” You mumble. So this is what else you were worrying about. “And for you. I have my entrance exam and the school is in Tokyo. And you’re gonna go back to Bluelock and—” 

“It’ll be fine.”

“I’m worried about it anyways.” 

“About what?” 

“I’ll see you less. What if you stop liking me randomly and I can’t even hunt you down about it?” 

Rin huffs “You’re insane enough to find me,” He drops his chin on your shoulder “Plus you talk to my mom.” 

“You’re gonna be so busy.” 

“I’ll come see you when I’m not.” 

“And you’re going to be surrounded by the human equivalent of siren women someday soon.” 

“I don’t care about that.” 

“But you might.” 

“I haven’t in eighteen years, you moron.” 

“I’m gonna miss you all the time.” You say, sniffly and Rin is so struck with a feeling of affection he almost falls “I already miss you all the time.” 

He squeezes you a little tighter “It’ll be fine.”

“For you.” 

Rin furrows his brow, pulling back to stare at you. 

“Not for me,” Because Rin can begrudgingly admit he will miss you worse than this “Just in general. It’ll be fine. You almost made it a year without me.” 

“But now I’m with you,” You reply easily, and softly and oh-so in love Rin wants to turn away “And I’m so happy and I want it be like this for a long time,”

“Just a long time? Not something stupid like a blossoming eternity?” 

“I thought I’d scare you.” 

“You did that in April.” He points out flatly. You hit him lightly but smile anyway. 

“It’s a problem how much I like you.” 

Rin likes you just as much. You’re probably too much of an idiot to realize and won’t for a long while. He takes a little comfort in, strangely.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll come see you.” He says again, because it’s the only thing he can think to say. He believes in it thoroughly. If Rin were a better, more candidly vulnerable person he thinks now he’d give the loving boyfriend speech. He almost wants to half-assedly try but can’t bring himself to get past the awkwardness. He hugs you tighter because it’s all he’s capable of, and hopes he can will it into you. The sincerity of his words, he wants so badly for them to reach you “Stop worrying so much.” 

“Rin-kun,” You start, then pause to look up at him. His breath hitches “Rin. I love you. Really.” 

He feels like he’s gonna be sick as he stares at you, eyes widened. You look the same as you always do. Unexpectant, terribly sincere, with your heart on your sleeve. The more Rin knows you, the more he thinks it can’t be easy to be so vulnerable all the time. 

So you do it for him, and only him. And Rin is always going to be intolerable. Frustrating and impatient. But he wants to do it for you too, where he can. Rin wants you to know it’ll be fine because the fact that you’re standing here now is nothing short of a miracle. Nothing comes out right. 

“Yeah.” He says, but he can’t get the rest of words out. And you laugh, and peek up at him through your lashes. 

“And you love me too, don’t you?” 

Rin grits his teeth. He wants to say no. 

“I guess.” 

“And we’re going to be just fine.” You repeat, hugging him tight. Rin hugs you back. He wants to say thank you. He wants to kiss you stupid and make fun of you at the same time. He wants you so much and so often he’s sure he’s lost his fucking mind. 

But he agrees with you, at least. He nods. He holds you. He doesn’t like to lie, so he looks at you instead. 

“Yeah. It’s gonna be fine.” 

__

EPILOGUE ; 

In Rin’s defense, he’s not trying to listen in on the conversions of your underclassmen. 

For starters, the club door is cracked up and Rin only has one airpod fully charged. Secondly, it’s not like they’re being quiet. Rin’s pretty sure anyone with decent enough hearing could hear them from down the hall. Given that it’s the newspaper club, he’s sure that the conversation isn’t usually this interesting. 

It’s just when he catches wind of your name while you’re nowhere to be found, he finds himself eavesdropping just a little. He leans back into the chair he’s sitting in, face tucked into his black mask and hat pulled neatly over his head. 

“Guys, I’ve decided I’m going to confess to Boss  no matter what.” 

He must mean you. Rin often hears how some of the people in the club affectionately add danchou to the end of your name. Rin scoffs a little at the kids' confidence. It reminds him a little of highschool. Rin really think you’re at more of a risk than he is. Being a celebrity makes him naturally unattainable - more of a fixture than a person. 

Everytime someone confesses to you though it’s sincere. From knowing you. And he gets it but it doesn’t keep him from scoffing and turning his nose up. 

“It’d be a good idea to give up while you’re ahead.” Says another unnamed voice. 

“Yeah Nakao-san. Do you even know who Senpai's boyfriend is?” 

“N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Through the powerful of love I’ll—”

Before Rin gets a chance to listen anymore, he hears your voice call out for him. He snaps his head up to look at you. You’re dressed so professionally it’s hard to recognize you like that. Your hair is cut neat and styled professionally and you’re dressed in business casual. He’s relieved he brought shoes for you to change into. 

You run up to him anyway, and Rin stands up to make sure you don’t stumble as you throw your arms around his neck. You’re closer in height with your heels on so he doesn’t have to bend down much at all to kiss you. He pulls down his mask quickly.

“Rin-tan, you’re here.” You say with a soft, breathless giggle “I missed youuu.” 

“Missed you too,” He says, an arm squeezed around your waist “I have shoes for you in the car,”

You gasp, rubbing your cheek against his affectionately. 

“You’re the best in the world. My feet are so sore.” 

“Did the interview go well?” Rin asks. You pull away, moving your hair away from your eyes before nodding. 

“Uh-huh. The women's rugby team captain is super chill and she interviews great so it went smoothly. I just need to drop the transcript off and then we can leave,” You say holding his hand. He squeezes your palms “Do you want to meet them? You don’t have to but a lot of them ask about you.” 

Normally Rin would say no. But he’s feeling a little petty today, after all. 

“Sure.” 

You beam, your hand in his as you nudge the door open. The room goes silent, a bout of excited cheering following at your return. He’s relieved to see you’re still so well loved, a little reluctant to let go of your hand. 

“Senpai, you’re back.” 

“Yup, yup. I have the transcript and recording on this USB. Watch it and draft the article up tonight. When I come in tomorrow, we’ll go through editing and get it out by Monday.” You say, hand on hip before remembering his presence. You grab him and Rin follows “Oh, and guys - this is my boyfriend! Rin Itoshi.” 

Most of them seem to know. Rin can sense the admiration but it’s respectful. He can tell that everyone is professionals in the field. Rin likes that. He bows politely. 

“Nice to meet everyone,” 

“Nice to meet you too, Itoshi-san.” 

“Danchou…you’re dating Rin Itoshi…the famous soccer player Rin Itoshi?” 

You giggle, looping your arm in Rin’s. He laughs internally. It’s the same kid who wanted to confess to you. 

“Uh-huh. We’re highschool sweethearts! And today is our very special date night so don’t contact me for any reason until tomorrow morning at least. I’ll see you guys later.” 

“Bye, senpai.” 

“Have fun on your date.” 

With that, you turn the corner and leave the room - immediately beginning to ramble about your day. Rin half-listens. He only pays complete attention when he hears your kouhais talking from down the hall. 

“Told you to give up, dude.” 

“Rin. Are you paying attention?” 

He chuckles to himself. 

“Yeah. Sorry.” 

❁ a/n ; hello!! me again. first of alll, if you read through this whole fic, thank you so much. second of all i want to discuss a few things about this fic.

im usually pretty keen on localization for my fics where possible because i think it makes for a smoother reader experience - however the usage of honorifics was important to the atmosphere for this one so i'll hope it wasn't too awkward to read.

secondly, im nervous about rins characterization for this one so i hope it was alright. apologies for any errors its 5am and im soo tired.

this fic was mostly meant as an exploration of how i think rin would really benefit from being with someone eccentric and bubbly. the core of their relationship is that reader is an overall emotionally intelligent and honest person and how that has a huge influence on rin so i hope that growth came thru. once again thanks for reading and i hope u enjoyed. rbs and tags always appreciated!

[theotherbuckley]

Happy 2025 from NZ 🎆🎇

I just wanted to come here and say how grateful I am for every one of you in the 911 fandom. You’re all so incredible and have made 2024 such an amazing year.

My blog grew soo much this year and I am forever grateful for everyone who has interacted with me.

Bucktommy happened and wow the fandom and community we have created is so supportive and kind and uplifting. You all never fail to spread joy. From all of the positivity projects and all of the love and support in the form of comments and kudos and reblogs, I love you all so much.

There have been several positivity projects this year which have been amazing. I love when fandom comes together to do amazing and beautiful things.

2024 wasn’t all perfect, there was hate mail and fic stealing and other stuff I don’t want to get into but i think it just made us all come together stronger to uplift each other and I am so forever grateful for that.

2024 brought me closer to so many people. It gave me @diazsdimples who is the sweetest guy who I’m so incredibly grateful to know, and who I get to actually go see in person next week 🥰

I am grateful for all of the friends tumblr and fandom has given me @hippolotamus my bfs wife 😅 who’s always so kind and amazing. @lavenderleahy who I connected with through love of crochet 💜. @snarkythewoecrow who beta-ed my fic one time and turns out they’re super cool <3. @bidisasterevankinard who started writing Bucktommy before it was a thing and is always so great to talk to 💜 I have loved talking and interacting with all of you there’s so many amazing people in this fandom I wouldn’t be able to tag everyone. @buffaluff made fanart of one of my fics which was so incredible and overwhelmingly special 💜 @steadfastsaturnsrings who always brings positivity and is always there to talk to 💜 @tizniz who sent me little!Buck fics inspired by @actualalligator there’s actually so many of you amazing people. @actuallyitsellie and @perfectlysunny02 (another two amazing people to talk to) @wikiangela (my first and beloved 911 mutual who has written some spectacular bucktommy fics this year) @diazheartsbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @eddiebabygirldiaz @your-catfish-friend @ladydorian05 @giddyupbuck @eowon @watchyourbuck (who simply has the best content of any kind) @thewolvesof1998 @rainbow-nerdss @cal-daisies-and-briars  @underwaterninja13 @daffi-990 @aspecbuddie @bucks-daddy-issues @monsterrae1 @doctorkinney @pirrusstuff @babybibuck @lonelychicago (who has the most amazing artwork! and made a cute buddie positivity project) @rogerzsteven (who’s been on hiatus but who I love talking to) @bucksbignaturals (connoisseur of all ships) @spotsandsocks @loucifersbitch @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @louvemeanyway @weewookinard @half-oz-eddie (founder of an amazing positivity project as well as hilarious tweets and texts) @xofemeraldstars (became the blog to see gifs and images for bucktommy) @hyperfocusthusly @sherlocking-out-loud @desert--moonchild @bucked-it-up (who gave me the idea for my fic) @swagmaster9k (who you know will always reblog your posts 😅💜) @bigfootsmom (incredible artist and writer for so many ships and aus that never fail to make my jaw drop because they’re always so beautiful) @laundryandtaxesworld @thatmexisaurusrex (the best long form bucktommy fics) @louisferrignojr (who founded an amazing bucktommy community) @girlwonder-writes (who founded another wonderful community) I have well hit the tag limit so I just hope you come across this anyway. I want to tag so many more of you. I sadly can not tag all of my mutuals but just know that if we are mutuals I am so incredibly grateful for your existence. Please never hesitate to reach out to me to talk about absolutely anything 💜

You are all incredible I do not have enough words to express it. To everyone I didn’t interact with as much this year I hope to interact and talk to you all in 2025. I hope you all have an amazing new year and I look forward to what’s to come.

In my own “real” life I start medical school this year which is such and honor and privilege that I didn’t expect and I’m so excited for the journey to come. This year was tough finishing my degree and coping with pains but I can’t believe it but I’ve made it here now. I hope to continue writing in my free time (ha what free time) and I hope this fandom continues to bloom and thrive. This year I posted 13 911 fics on ao3 and a bunch of ficlets on tumblr and which for me is amazing. I also have heaps of wips still unpublished. My first ever 911 fic breached 20k hits which is insane - especially because it’s a hurt no comfort 🫣.

An insane and slightly concerning fact is that I have read over 40 million words of fanfic this year (just beating last year of 37mil) which is… um… lots. Sadly next year it’s likely I won’t have the time to read as much but you bet I’ll try 😅 fanfic is a safe space and home for me. I am so grateful for everyone who posts amazing works for free. We are all so lucky 💜

I’m excited for 911 to be back in March and can’t wait to see where they head their storylines 💜 thank you all for making 2024 amazing and here’s to 2025 which I hope will be even better 💜

[sufferu]

Did you read that WHDAAA spin-off fic by Vyazov23 called Watching Arc 4 in The Theater of Despair ? Any things you liked and have problems with?

I did! I appreciated that the guy managed to actually FINISH a react fic lol: I’m realizing more and more that these things are a pain and a half to actually write. SERIOUS props to the one who actually managed to pull it off, I’m not even being sarcastic.

Though, to be entirely honest…I disagreed with the entire main premise regarding how the characters would react, lol. I actually don’t want to shit on a singular work, though — especially not one that had so much effort put into it, like goddamn the guy actually FINISHED that one — so I’m gonna go ahead and use this as a segway to talk about the most common usages of this trope that I disagree with in this fandom.

The idea that anyone would learn about Return By Death and go “Okay! This is a good thing, and Subaru is a hero!” — I feel like it goes against the themes of Re:Zero, as well as a lot of established characterization. (And also the harem subplot that often seems to go alongside that idea, lol.) And I feel like a react fic that goes over the experiences of Return By Death, furthermore, should be centered around the characters coming to terms with (or grappling with, anyway) the fact that they FUCKING KILLED HIM. Like, SOO many times. Rem and Ram, in particular, should be characterized as absolutely, irreconcilably devastated by what they did in Arc 2. In fact I actually have a lot of criticisms about how these fics tend to characterize a lot of these characters in general, especially Julius, Ferris, Wilhelm, and Rem. Rem is simple — I don’t agree with the idea that she is actually a good influence (or that the other characters would see her as such, more on that in a sec) — but for the other three…I think a lot of these fics tend to twist themselves in knots trying to make them approve of Subaru’s self-destructive behavior, despite all three of them having canon moments contradicting it.

Julius’ first appearance was him desperately trying to save Subaru from getting slaughtered and most of the subsequent scenes with him have included something about him either trying to be a good role model (that will help Subaru Not Die Horribly) or taking some step to actively keep him safe (whether that be going out of his way to teach him a hands-on lesson about self-awareness the moment they meet up again post-Whale or quietly sticking Ia on him without letting him know). Hell, it’s heavily implied that he associated Subaru with his beloved, sickly, baby brother pre-Gluttony. The knowledge that Subaru has apparently been not just getting regularly put in mortal danger, but not even getting out of it ALIVE in a lot of cases — I think he’d have a way worse reaction to that than is normally shown.

Wilhelm, too — not enough focus is given to the fact that Subaru’s situation is basically just a worse version of the one that Theresia was forced into by being the Sword Saint. Wilhelm went and dueled his wife specifically to free her from the shackles of being forced to wield a sword when all she really wanted to do was care for flowers. Hell, in canon he already has a scene where he refuses to keep training Subaru because he realizes that Subaru has no actual interest in the sword and does not want to facilitate that kind of self-destruction. Wilhelm would have a fucking seizure if he learned that his beloved not-grandson was being forced to die repeatedly in order to keep his loved ones safe. And he’d probably have a really horrible reaction to the idea that some of those loved ones were straight up RESPONSIBLE for some of those deaths. This is the man who spent 14 years hunting the White Whale, he’s second only to Otto when it comes to revenge schemes (and even then it’s debatable who comes out on top over there).

Ferris, though, gets it hands-DOWN the worst. First reason is that the fact that he would almost certainly have the absolute worst reaction to the PREMISE of Return By Death out of the entire cast (due to his strong value of life and pride as a healer) is — often completely glossed over. This is the same guy who grieved suicidal Witch Cultists, was referenced as one of the two bleeding hearts of the Witch Cult elimination squad (the other being Subaru), who (in the LN) had what sure looks like a breakdown at the idea that Subaru wanted to die during that one Arc 3 loop where he went into shock, to the point where Crusch had to step in and speak (even joke) on his behalf as he basically sat in the corner with his head in his hands, cursing Subaru for not valuing his own life. If Ferris ever finds out about RBD he’s gonna fucking kill himself. But then, on top of that, he so often gets reduced to this — purely antagonistic force that just hates Subaru for no reason, who needs to learn to respect Subaru as a hero for his sacrifices, in a way that just — not only is kinda mean spirited, but completely glosses over some of the most fascinating parts of his character.

Also — I feel like a lot of these fics have the characters reacting like Subaru is an anime character to them rather than their friend, if that makes sense. Like, some of the reactions we see end up being like…the typical fan reaction to scenes? Instead of how someone would react if that were a Real Person up there doing that shit. Rem, in particular, is cut WAAAAY too much slack in most react fics, with everyone pretty much losing their anger towards her after hearing her tragic backstory and then glossing over everything she does in Memory Snow and Arc 3 with “Hah, that’s cute.” Like — I’m sorry, I think there should be a bit of a reaction to the revelation that the person who tortured Subaru for HOURS on end spent the next month sneaking into his room to watch him while he slept, following him around constantly, and enabling all of his bad behavior (which is now very obviously just a collection of trauma responses) like the world’s most dedicated Yes man (with the singular exception being the “From Zero” speech). Also, so much of what she does to him pre-Gluttony is just — horrible? And would be seen as such by the other characters, who do not have the same sense of naïveté/love of waifus/lack of self-preservation instincts that Subaru does to prevent him from seeing Rem for the danger that she is.

And well — I don’t think there’s enough consideration given to the fact that, most of the time, these characters already know how things are going to end, since they have their own memories to use for reference. Most of the time, they already KNOW whether Subaru is gonna survive or not, and that should impact how they respond to what they see next.

[stanfanfiction]

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART FOUR.FIVE

Heeyyy babes!! Your constant support and outpouring of love it SOO amazing, I truly never expected anyone to even read my writing and having so many of you tell me how much you like it is beyond anything I could have hoped for.

I hope you enjoy the latest .5 chapter, which, as has become custom, is simply the fun sm*t stuff that we all enjoy. Today’s entry had some sub!/dom! Roles, on both sides ;) so I’m eager to see how everyone likes it, what they like more, etc!! Also thanks to @aloheem for suggesting trying out a tickling idea to see how Ken reacts to it.

AND thank you for sending in your requests!! I love reading what you enjoy consuming fan-fic wise and I hope I can bring your ideas to justice <3

Alright, without further ado, warnings and then let’s goooo.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY / sub!Ken/dom!reader / dom!Ken/sub!reader / mild non-con (never fully non because the sub! Is enjoying themselves and makes that clear) / light choking / spanking / bondage / overstimulation / new sensations / tickling / praise k!nk / oral fem! & male! receiving / ball touching / edging

Ken lay underneath you, helpless as you straddled his hips but bent down, eyes staring into his the entire time. He gasped and his entire body clenched as you bit down into the area where his hip bone and groin meet and sucked hard. The headboard rattled loudly as he attempted to jerk his hands toward to free them, but they remained tightly bound above his head much to his frustration. His eyes, never leaving yours, pleaded as loudly as they could, as you had forbidden him from speaking for the time being, begging, BEGGING you to let him do *something,* anything other than lay there and suffer this insanely incredible torture that he still wasn’t quite sure how to take.

“Mmmmm, yes baby.”

Ken’s voice cut through the experience just enough for you to open your eyes, blinking, your body hot and horny and your head trying to navigate the fact that you had just been dreaming.

“You’re finally awake.” Ken was spooning you, arms and legs tangled with yours, his forehead pressed into the back of your skull. He leaned forward so his lips were perfectly caressing your ear, sending a slight tickle down you when he spoke. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for ages.”

Your eyes adjusted and you saw the clock. 4 a.m.

“Why would I be awake at 4, Ken?” But you already knew why. It had become almost routine at this point for Ken to somehow wake you during the night for your sexual escapades that hadn’t even begun to slow in their frequency.

“You were moaning in your sleep,” he snuggled closer to you. “I was hoping you’d wake so we could do whatever you were dreaming about in real life.” His lips captured your ear lobe and bit down just enough for another little spark to shoot down to your core. You giggled and tried to pull away but he held you close and started attacking your neck, which made you giggle more.

“Keeennn! Please,” you laughed, struggling.

“Mmmmm not until you tell me about your dream so I know what I need to do to you,” he chuckled.

You paused, thinking. Ken had become incredibly confident sexually in a very short period of time, but you wondered if having him submit to you would be something he would enjoy. You knew YOU would love it but you also worried perhaps he might take it the wrong way, or feel scared or…

“I’m waiting,” Ken reminded, breathing in your scent as he nuzzled into your neck again.

Well. You *were* incredibly horny right now, and honestly pissed off that Ken had woken you before your dream had reached completion. You decided you would try, and take it slow, and let him lead everything based on his comfort level.

You managed to turn yourself to face him, and he smiled so beautifully at you.

“Ken…I think I want to try something new tonight.”

His eyes lit up. Fair enough, he did always love learning new things whenever you would teach him.

“I need you to let go of me so I can show you.”

One of the only ways lately you *could* get Ken to let you out of his embraces was to bribe him with anything even mildly related to sex, and this was no different. He relaxed so you could move as you pleased, and you sat up and turned on the bedside light.

You looked serious and were working through how to start, since you hadn’t ever tried to be dominant in bed other than what you had done with Ken, and you wanted to work out how to make this hot for him without scaring him.

You reached your hand out and he took it, and you pulled him to the front of the bed until the two of you were both standing. You had on your tiny silk nightie that he loved to pull off of you, and of course he stood completely nude, tall and muscular and…ugh, those eyes, all smiling down at you so lovingly and just waiting.. oh fuck, okay fuck, focus.

“Ken,” you said quietly, your hand reaching out to rest on his lower abs. He took your free hand in his and kissed it, patiently waiting for you to explain.

“What I want to try tonight isn’t something we have really done before.”

He leaned his forehead into yours and hummed. “Okay?” He encouraged you to continue.

“Uhm…uh, what is a word you could automatically say, no matter what state your mind was in, to make someone stop what they were doing?”

He looked confused. “I would just say ‘Stop.’”

You stared at him, so innocent in his new confusion, and you smiled. I mean, you would definitely stop anything ever if he told you to. You raised up on tip toes to kiss him.

“Then ‘Stop’ it is.” You stepped back, watching him closely to gauge all of his reactions as you reached down and pulled your nightie off, now standing naked in front of him.

His eyes shone and he immediately reached forward to grab you, but you caught his wrists. He cocked his head.

“I…don’t understand -“

“Tonight,” you said, walking towards him with his wrists still in your grip, “you can *only* do as I say, when I say so.”

He frowned. “If you tell me to just go back to sleep, I’m not going to do it.”

You laughed. “No, so, there’s this type of, well, sexual play, where one partner kind of controls the other. Like if I tell you to do something you have to do it. Oh! But, ONLY if you actually want to. Which is why saying ‘stop’ is how I would know not to make you do it.”

“But why would you ask me to do something I wouldn’t want to do?” He ignored you holding his wrists and instead used it to his advantage, wrapping his arms around your waist and thus imprisoning your arms behind your back. “I can’t think of anything you would ask me to do to pleasure you that would make me say no.”

“What if what I asked didn’t *seem* like it would pleasure me, but it actually would?”

He remained silent, working to make this make sense to him.

“Like the first time you spanked me, you asked first, because you were worried it might hurt me? Kind of like that.”

His face softened. “Ohhh, okay. So you ask me to try things to you to see if they feel good?”

“Kinda?” You felt like this wasn’t going to work, but then the image of him struggling under your touch from the dream came back, and it snapped your mind back into place. Your voice became firm. “Ken, let go of me. Now.”

Surprised, he loosened his grip, not completely but enough to where you were able to pull free. “Keep your hands at your sides.”

He still wasn’t playing along 100%, and you knew a lot of it was that it still wasn’t making sense to him. You decided you’d just have to show him.

“From this point forward, if you tell me to stop, I will. But anything else you say or do, I will keep going.” You grazed your nails from his groin up to his hip bone, and he shuddered, immediately grabbing your waist.

“No, Ken.” Your voice startled him. “Hands at your sides.”

He looked helpless. “No, I …I don’t understand.”

“I want to pleasure you slowly without you doing anything to me for just a little while.” You made your voice sound all dreamy as your fingers danced across his lower abs, and he watched you, his breath becoming a little more shallow. “Part of the pleasure I am seeking is getting to fully immerse myself in *your* pleasure, and yours only, at least for a little while. Do you understand?”

Ken seemed to be in overthink mode, trying to figure out how to get a grip on what was happening. “Stop.”

You did immediately, taking your hand back from him, watching him closely. He looked almost….angry? No, not quite that, but -

“Give me ten minutes,” you interrupted his thought process. “If you still don’t like it by then, I will stop and not try again.”

Ken struggled with accepting this, like it made so little sense that he couldn’t see how accepting your terms would actually make you happy. You reached out and slowly wrapped a hand around his cock, which had been hard and straining ever since he first got off the bed.

“Do you want to make me happy, Ken?” You kind of hated how manipulative the words sounded, despite them only being for play, but still wanted to make sure he would enjoy playing along once he figured it out.

Your question seemed to throw him off guard. His blue eyes melted into yours, his body relaxing a little, less defensive now. He gulped. “I do.”

Your grip tightening on his cock now and he groaned, reaching for your wrist again but stopping himself this time, glancing at you. You smiled, small but sexy, and that seemed to do something to him. He pulled his hand back to his side and your other hand came up to caress his cheek.

“Good boy,” you purred. You LOVED the way his posture always changed a little when you praised him, his chest puffing out a tiny bit and his face looking just a bit proud. “You remembered to keep your hands to yourself. Now let me touch you for awhile.”

He nodded, watching you like a tiger watches its prey, as you started rubbing his cock while your other hand traced lazily up his abs with your nails, his shudders indicating how sensitive he was already just by being denied control. He giggled a little when your nails grazed over a certain area, and you tried to hold back a smile at how cute his reaction was. Instead, you looked up at him and touched the area again.

“It tickles.”

“Mmmhmm, it does, sweet Ken. Can you handle it? Can you deal with it for a little longer?” Ken’s fists clenched and unclenched in time with the way you were pumping him as you kept your nails on his abs. He was desperate to touch you, to force you down and fuck you until you were exhausted. His skin broke out in goosebumps when you took his nipple in your mouth and he moaned loudly. You took your hand off of his cock and he groaned irritably before all of your nails were dancing up and down his abs and groin, and he shuddered and unintentionally leaned into you a little. He was gasping, ohhh fuck, he had probably never experienced anything even close to overstimulation other than the first time he was having sex with you. And he was so fucking stunning trying to take it to make you happy. You bit his nippled and he cried out, his hands now balled into tight fists.

You stepped back. “Fuucckkk, what a perfect boy you are. You’re doing so well for me.”

His cock twitched and he let out a small whimper. He definitely was struggling with this, but as it seemed he wasn’t actually in pain or telling you to stop, you decided to keep playing to see where it went.

“You can lay down now, Ken.”

He stared at you, his head hung a little, his neck and shoulders tight. Fists clenched, cock throbbing. Panting, eyes boring into yours. Oh my god, you stared at him to make sure this image forever stayed in your mind.

“Now, Ken.”

He slowly obeyed, pulling himself backwards onto the bed and sitting at the top against the pillows.

All you could think of was how beautiful he was going to look tied up for you.

You pulled a pair of pantyhose out of your drawer and climbed onto the bed to him. The new item in your hands made him curious, but he was still focused on only one thing.

“Can I touch you now?”

“Not yet. But you’re so patient.”

“When can I?” How the fuck did his voice sound so broken over…

“Ken,” your voice was calmer, now talking to him in your normal tone. “I want to tie you up and fuck you.”

His eyes widened a bit, realizing the pantyhose you had been twisting into a long, thin, but sturdy rope, was meant for…

He glanced up at you, and an eyebrow cocked. You wanted to slap him for making you feel out of control, again..not when you were supposed to be the one who -

“How long do you need me tied up for?”

“Until I’m finished with you.”

Ken smirked, and to your surprised offered his wrists willingly. “Then tie me up and fuck me, y/n.” He grinned, knowing he took you off guard, literally challenging you.

OH, now he was in for it.

You bound his wrists quickly, securing them to the headboard. He smiled at you the entire time, suddenly entertained by your whole new desire for play, but the smile left his face quickly as you took him into your mouth, lowering down onto him. His hips bucked at the sudden shock that went through him, and his moan of pleasure turned into one of frustration when you immediately pulled off of him. He looked down at you.

“You aren’t allowed to move while I suck on you, Ken.”

He looked incredulously at you. “How am I supposed to -“

He was cut off when you gently squeezed his balls, knowing his one particularly sensitive spot, and he gasped loudly, hips bucking again. You usually didn’t touch him here that often, as it seemed to drive him mad with passion and, well, horniness, and usually you didn’t get the chance to see how much he could take because he would tackle you and fuck you until you were exhausted.

But now, this time was different. You massaged that area again, and his head pushed back into the pillows, wrists straining against his bonds.

“Jesus FUCK.” He panted. You hadn’t ever heard him raise his voice that loudly. You felt yourself becoming wet, and you continued your gentle but consistent assault on his balls, watching him in silence as he gasped and moaned and shuddered, waiting for him to surrender to you.

He actually held out way longer than you had expected, and you felt so impossibly hot watching as he slowly went from an alpha-state to one of literal physical submission, his body no longer trying to violently break itself free from the headboard except for some exhausted tugs, his voice almost hoarse, his body completely covered in a cold sweat.

“Please, please, pleassee….” He begged, voice breaking a little. “Please, y/n, I can’t. I can’t - ahhhh, FUCK, please.”

You stopped your torture, and a huge exhale rattled through his body, attempting to soothe itself. You climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

“Hi, sweet boy.”

He looked up at you, completely at your will, still panting, and his sweaty hair and mildly wet eyes made you feel so deeply for him. You leaned forward, placing your hands besides his head.

“You’re so good to me, Ken,” you whispered, and he leaned up to kiss you then caught himself, lowering his head back down onto the pillows. Fuck, he was trying SO hard to please you.

“Am I doing good, y/n?” He whimpered.

“You’re doing so good, Ken. You know why I had to exhaust you, right?”

“Because I wouldn’t stop moving,” he choked, gasping for another breath.

“Good, Ken. You learn so quickly.” You glanced at the clock and saw he had held out almost the full ten minutes now, but you wanted to make sure he was okay before delving in any further.

“Ken? Is it alright if I keep going?”

His entire body went rigid, his biceps clenching tightly, as if ready to jerk himself free of his restraints if necessary - or if he actually could this time. He never took his eyes off of you, contemplating his answer. You leaned down to his ear to whisper, and you felt the shiver that ran through him.

“If you’re a good boy, I’ll let you touch me for a moment.”

He nodded then. “Yes, please, anything, I’ll do anything -“

You captured his lips in yours and he moaned into you, almost as if he was thanking you and his lips pulled yours roughly into his mouth, his tongue darting into yours to clash with your tongue for a brief moment before you pulled back. He looked devastated.

You reached for the restraints and his eyes brightened.

“Only one for now,” you said, untying his left hand and making sure that his right remained firmly connected to the bed. “Because if you need me to stop, I might not be able to hear you. If you need me to stop at anytime, I want you to slap my leg, really hard, so I know. Okay?”

He held onto your every word, nodded when you were finished, trying to figure out what it was you were going to do. He began moving his hand to your waist then caught himself and paused, waiting for instructions.

“Mmm, I have the best Ken,” you cooed, and he smiled a little. You allowed him to rest his hand on your waist as you straddled his face, slowly lowering yourself down onto him.

You had barely come into contact with his nose when you felt his free arm tighten around your thigh, pulling you closer into him, and you cried out, grabbing the headboard for support as his lips roughly sucked on your clit, pulling hard. He moaned hungrily into you, and you forced yourself to make sure you didn’t fully collapse onto his face, his tongue and lips so eager and rough, and his moaning into your opening was the most vulnerable yet hot you could remember feeling in your life.

You began moving your hips a little, trying to maintain your attempt at dominance, but fuck if it wasn’t almost impossible while working against Ken’s strength and enthusiasm. He wrapped his arm around your thigh tighter and almost forced you still as his tongue penetrated into you, licking and flicking and then his lips sucking around your opening in a dizzying sequence.

“Ken…I…ah, fuck, okay, I need -“ You yelped as his arm freed itself of you momentarily only to spank your cheek sharply, the pain shocking you but not having time to react because he immediately forced you back down onto his face and held you until you came, your knuckles white from holding onto the headboard and you cried out over and over as an intense orgasm washed over you. Ken didn’t stop until your body began becoming limp, from which he then removed his arm and you un-straddled him, sitting next to him on the bed.

He lay there, one arm bound above his head, his hair a mess, his face flushed and covered in your juices, and he was grinning at you.

"I like you making me submit to you. That was fun." His free hand reached for you. "Now untie me so I can fuck your dripping pussy. I am losing my mind."

You forced yourself to maintain control as you quickly grabbed his hand and began tying it back up.

"Hey, hey!" he protested, but you were quicker and he was bound again within moments. You moved back to look at him, confused, and *now* he looked a little angry, but you knew it wasn't from actual anger, more just not getting his way, which is something he didn't enjoy. *Especially * when he was this horny.

He grit his teeth and jerked hard on the restraints. "Let me out of these."

You cocked your head. "Mmmm, no."

"When, then?"

"When you've orgasmed."

He growled. "That's what I am actively *trying* to do!!"

You sunk down onto him then, no warning or buildup, and he cried out in ecstasy, his entire being melting as if relieved.

"Ohhh, fuck, y/n, my love…thank you, thank you, thank -"

You reached up and placed a hand around the base of his throat, just barely, not even applying pressure. He looked up at you, and despite not experiencing this before, the look he gave you made you all the more hot, and you wrapped your fingers around his neck, squeezing ever so slightly. He moaned loudly, and his eyes had that gorgeous teary look that you had seen the first time you had fucked him - his own special mix of love and pleasure and experiencing something amazing for the first time. He thrust up into you then, and the sharpness of it told you he was already way too close to climaxing.

You pulled your hips off of his, sitting on his waist but keeping your hand around his throat. The noise he made when you left his cock was like a mangled cry, and his eyes went into dominance mode, that look he gave you when he was warning you things were about to go his way.

"But you're not the one in control this time, Ken." Your hair brushed his face and you squeezed his throat a little harder. "I am. And you don't get to cum until I say so."

You swore you saw stars in his eyes when you sunk back down onto him then, fucking him the way you knew he loved, and you removed your hand from his throat to press down onto his hips like he always did to you. That did something extra for him and he groaned, jerking against the restrains again, and the image of him slowly coming undone because of you made you so tempted to just untie him and finish you off the way he wanted - the way you knew you both wanted - but you had come too far to quit now, and once again when you knew his orgasm was close, when his abs began their gorgeous tightening and his hips bucked up into yours, you let him slip out of you again, and he literally sobbed.

"You're not doing a very good job at not moving, Ken."

You tried to keep your head together as he glared down at you, and you knew *exactly* the thoughts that were swimming through his mind: jerk himself free of the headboard, force you down onto the bed, his fingers bruising themselves into you as he fucked you like he was in heat as you held on for dear life.

You had one more trick up your sleeve, and decided you had best do it now because you weren't sure if you would ever be successful at getting Ken tied up again after tonight. You got your only other pair of pantyhose and ripped them in two.

Ken's eyes grew huge and you expected him to fight back, but to your surprise he didn't. He lay, watching you while you pulled his legs open, tying each one to an opposite best post, until he was splayed out in front of you, unable to thrust up even if he tried.

He remained silent as you climbed back onto the bed and leaned down, gently taking one of his balls into your mouth while massaging the other. His head fell back and his moans were beautiful, as you decided you wanted to be gentle the rest of the night but still wanted to see how far you could push his stamina.

After he began squirming from a little too much sensation, you moved back up to his cock, your lips wetly sucking and licking around his tip, and you loved watching how much he was trying to move his hips. He seemed to be working really hard to play along now, though, because the gritted teeth and glaring eyes had morphed into your name almost being sung as you touched him, sucked, licked, loved on him, before kissing and biting your way back up his abs and chest to his face.

You looked down at him now and he at you, those baby blues lost in you, telling you he was yours to do with as you pleased. "I surrender," he whispered, and you gasped. How was this so…incredibly…

"I love you," he said.

You took his face in your hands and kissed him then, and he allowed you to lead to how deep and invasive the kiss became before leaning down to mark his neck with your lips. He moaned contentedly every time you did that, and this time was no different.

You were going to make him feel *sooo* good.

You lowered yourself back down onto his cock slowly, clenching yourself around him as hard as you could until he was fully inside you, and his head rested on one of his arms still bound beside his head.

"You're doing such a good job, Ken."

"Mm…I…good..Ken…" His moans were accompanied by an attempt at words every few breaths as he became less coherent.

You fucked him gently and he was so sensitive that his body began to tremble a couple of time. Each time you would stop fucking him until he calmed down and then you would begin again, his voice becoming more of a whimper the longer you edged him on, and at last when it seemed every ounce of energy had been drained from him, you gave him what he deserved.

He lay limp, shuddering, moaning incoherently, muscles still spasming of their own accord as much as they could muster after becoming exhausted.

"You've done so, so incredibly well, Ken." The shock of you allowing him his release was like a lightning bolt shot through him and he sobbed your name endlessly, head thrown back, eyes clenched as his body convulsed underneath you.

You watched him closely as he began to calm down, tears stinging his eyes, his body still shaking a little. You got up and tore off his restrains one by one, untying his hands last, and his tired muscles fell by his sides as he lay underneath you, panting.

You were scared now. Was this how he felt when he had spanked you for the first time? Like, that he could have actually gone too far? Had YOU gone too far?

"Ken?" you didn't meant for your voice to come out in a whisper. "Are you okay?"

He looked at you, rolling his head on the pillow to do so, as he seemed too tired to even raise it at the moment. "Kiss me," he demanded, soft and delicate, but you knew it was a command.

You kissed him deeply and he did the same, and his eyes locked on yours when you pulled back. "I love you so much, y/n."

You spent the next hour taking care of him. You sat upright against the headboard and he relaxed into your body, his being nestled against your chest and in-between your legs, humming sleepily as you massages his hands and wrists, peppered him with kisses, told him how much you loved him and cuddled his face. At one point he took your legs and folded your ankles across his waist, his forehead leaning into your neck.

"Just like being close to you," he murmered.

After having come down for awhile, he began to shiver a little and you coaxed him into the shower where you gentle bathed him off, the heat making him comfortable again, as your fingers danced across his body with soap suds, and he held you under the running water close to him, one arm wrapped around your waist and the other holding the side of your face as he languished himself in your kisses.

You both ended up back in bed just as the sun was beginning to rise, and you thanked the gods that you didn't have class today as Ken pulled you into him like always, but unlike usual, he fell asleep almost instantly, and you got to experience him sleeping around you, hearing his little moans and breathing, feeling his body limp and relaxed all around you. You hugged the arm that held you to him and nuzzled into the pillows, drifting off.

"Hey."

Ken's voice broke through your sleep, and you blinked your eyes open. The room was bright with the day's sunlight, and you had a moment of struggle to come to, you had been so deeply asleep.

The moment your eyes adjusted, you looked up and saw Ken beside you, kneeling, his cock looking painfully hard and a smirk on his face. You attempted to move but realized your wrists were bound above your head tightly, and you saw Ken's fist clenched around a leather belt in his right hand. You sucked in air sharply, already overwhelmed when you hadn't even been fully awake a whole minute ago.

Ken leaned over you now, your mind racing as he stared down at you, kissing you lovingly before nipping at your lower lip and running the belt gently up your thigh.

"Now," his words made you already want to tremble, "it's my turn."

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Read More ➡️ Masterlist

(Pst. I plan to complete the second part to this as a "bonus" part, but wanted Ken's first sub! experience to be its own chapter. If you want Ken's dom! time, too, I'll be posting it soon, because I have SOOO many ideas and I cannot *not* write it. I promise <3)

Tags: @microwgreen @skeletonea @sunpuffsstuff @maxcsworld @michaelslover @m21-k @uncle-eggy @heyareyoulistening @cliffbar-booth @exo-wayv

[resande]

Steddie fic idea

‼️‼️‼️If you’re a writer that wants to collaborate with me into giving life to this big project, hmu. I’ll draw for it and all i need is someone who will put into words and also help me build up more on this story and fill the gaps. Also someone that won’t give up on the project when it’s not completely done. This story will also have nsfw scenes in it so take that into consideration aswell.

This project doesn’t have a deadline at all. It’s my baby and i wanna give it the life and attention it deserves because i love this idea so much.

Soo, if you’re interested, DM me🫶🏻

Also if you have other works, i would like to see them aswell. You can attach them to your message, in case there’ll be more people that want to take the place.‼️❤️❤️

The idea in question: (copied from x)

Edward being a witch and in a life before this, him constructing this Colossus of a gothic cathedral for his love, Stephen, who was a priest.

The town found out because the cathedral was finished too soon (stephen was terminally sick and edward wanted him to see this monument dedicated to their love while Stephen was still alive, so he said fuck it and used his powers to finish what supposed to be a +600 years of work.

The town people found out he was a witch and began a witch hunt so they can burn him at the stake.

Eddie faked his death right before the burning thing in the middle of the town, right in front of the cathedral happened. No one knew except Stephen. There was a scarecrow made to look like eddie (magic happened there aswell). And because Stephen was The priest of the town, he

was forced to burn the witch. (Including here a “no one mourns the wicked” scene because that tore my heart out and i need it here and also bc Stephen felt like the real wicked between the two, because of betraying god (but also without any remorse towards it)

Once he set fire to the scarecrow, the town tried to set fire to the cathedral aswell. But it never burned. The fire would go out as soon as it started and the skies would rip apart and heavy rain would fall. So the cathedral will stay intact.

For as many years as Stephen had, and so many more after that, the town tried to burn down the cathedral thousands of times. The only thing that happened was the color of it became black. And it stayed that way, protected forever by eddie’s powers.

They promised eachother they will find one another in afterlife, until stars will cease to exist. Stephen told Edward “to make your searching easier, you’ll find me right here. In our home (the cathedral)

“In every life i’ll live, until my soul will decompose, i will cherish our love.”

Also right before eddie would get captured, eddie made a scene in front of the cathedral and the whole town, by swallowing the cathedral’s front door keys. (Magician trick Get it. Or nawt) as to show everyone that no one has power over what he created, other than himself (n stephen ofc).

————

After hundreds of years, a mechanic & struggling musician called eddie, got a hitchhike by an old weird man, and kinda got kidnapped into a town that.. weird enough, doesn’t show on the map… . Stuck in time, set in the 40-60’s, and has in the middle of the old town the most bone chilling creation eddie had ever seen. That damned colossal cathedral. (Eddie also has a tattoo of an old key on his sternum)

eddie gets into town And has so many weird reactions from peers when they look at his face.

(They have pictures of the witch that created the cathedral and eddie looks identical to him). He has a breakdown out of nowhere while stopping in his tracks, right in front of the creation. All the people surrounding him, not moving a muscle. They’re convinced they are assisting to a historical moment. The prophecy. The second coming of the witch.

No one dared to touch eddie while he was sobbing and having a panic attack on the ground.

No one, except a young priest,

In his 20’s.

Calming him down. And taking him away from prying eyes. In the back gardens of the cathedral, where only priests and nuns are allowed. Found an empty spot and sat eddie down. Told him everything.

Eddie had one week until the mark of the 300 years, since the death of the witch. To do what the whole town - turned into a cult, wanted since Edward died. To open the old chest that lies in the attic, so “the second coming of christ will come” or so that’s what all of them

Believed. (Actually someone sniffed edward and stephen out and selfishly wanted to open that chest to prove everyone that stephen must die for his sins. Basically a Carver invented one of the oldest lies they ever heard.)

If people find out about the key tattoo eddie has

That he got from his dreams, make a real copy out of it and try to open the front doors + the chest, and it works, “then the second coming of christ is happening and at dawn everyone and their animals will enter in the afterlife/eternal heaven.”

They also need to burn the witch

Again so he won’t stop “this process for once and for all.”

From here on out, in this one week, eddie faces the psychological horrors of this fucked up cult town, hunted by its people, couple of times but gets away because now steve sees through all the bullshit he got indoctrinated all his life, has time to fall in love with eddie, helps him out, and tries to put a stop to all of this.

In the end it becomes a ghost town, while eddie and steve get away, steve getting to see life outside of the town’s walls, for the first time in his life.

It’s not all thought out but this horror-ish idea i’ve had for a long ass time and i wanna draw for it… my babey🤲..

[mysticalsoot]

dadbur hc's to feel something

a/n; I am struggling to write full fledged fics rn so I let the brainrot win and I've now done...this. don't ask. also, thank you to lilly and elliot for decided what hc's I was meant to write, y'all are awesome and I love you both dearly<3

warnings; not much!! mentions of pregnancy, health issues (just general idea), pain mentions, this may worsen baby fever, sorry not my fault, blame wilbur.

reader is gn but in some cases afab!! (it's optional to read those parts, dw!)

masterlist (requests are open btw!)

—★—

- absolutely hated children as a teen and early 20-something

- babysat one baby of his friends and it was over for him

- absolutely adored that little baby and nearly cried when he had to leave them

- now as a husband, he wanted a kid so bad

- constantly gushing when he passes by baby shops or just melts when he sees a baby

- horrible baby fever. sorry to you.

- won't ever push the issue, but still mentions it and communicates clearly that he does want kids but he especially wants kids with you. heart melted

- if you don't want kids at the moment, he will absolutely respect that and will definitely do his best to shut up during bouts of baby fever

- I mean how could he not!! they're so adorable!!

- once you do actually have a kid, regardless of what way—he's doing anything and everything he can to prepare.

- he's buying parenting books; how to create healthy habits with your baby, how to raise a compassionate child, what to do and what not to do when becoming a parent

- he bought soo many baby outfits and onesies—all the way up to a year old. even grabbed some premie sizes, just in case.

- the nursery was set up almost immediately, a nature theme. he suggested a Minecraft theme but you shot that down immediately. there was pouting involved.

- but, you came to a compromise; dark green walls, light yellow accents, browns, etc. you even let him make Minecraft bees out of those wooden blocks and you thought they were the cutest thing ever. there were also stuffies of Minecraft animals scattered on shelves and on furniture. (please take Amazon away from this man, it's so dangerous).

- in the case of pregnancy; he was very insistent on being sure that both baby and you were in perfect health. and he never let you do more than he thought was appropriate.

- dishes? nope that's a father's job. going down the stairs? right by your side, watching your every step and yes, will make you hold his hand.

- to most others he was overbearing—but he was always like that and the whole pregnancy thing just enhanced it

- Wilbur is anxious and he never does well with medical or health things at all, his mind constantly running wild with various possibilities. it was scary for him.

- so yes, you'd get off dish nights and would be chaperoned down the stairs.

- but he also made sure you had your medicine on time, he documented every pain and complaint you had.

- he had already learnt the face you made when you were in any sort of pain—so he was right on top of it almost immediately.

- asking what hurt, what number of pain, how he could help, etc.

- he is an absolute sweetheart all of the time, but his softness was brought out by the entire experience.

- when the baby was born, or rather adopted—whichever way it happened—he cried. he cried a lot.

- he held the little one so gently, but so tightly in his arms

- he was insistent to not push gender roles onto the kiddos, but he did have two names picked out for a boy or a girl (or rather you picked them out and he agreed with them before you told him the reasoning)

- Willow for a girl and Spencer for a boy

- you didn't tell him until after the name was finalized that both options were after him

- he was so flustered and jokingly scolded you, but in reality, he loved it

- he felt so happy and so proud

- so joyful that you felt he was worthy enough to indirectly name a child after him, your child, his child.

- he was an absolute sweetie to the little one, and they took very quickly to him as well—immediately grasping onto his fingers as soon as they had the ability and cooing any time they saw him

- it melted his heart each and every time and it never stopped

- when the little one was older, they often took up the habit of grabbing at his hair or his glasses and sometimes his ears

- you found it to be the cutest thing ever and so did he he cried almost every time

- they absolutely adored their father, and if you didn't know better, you'd say they liked him better than you!

- when it came time to go back to work, to back to gigs and shows with Lovejoy

- Wilbur took off two weeks of work entirely beforehand, just to spend with you and the little one

- obviously he'd been on some sort of break since the baby was born/adopted/etc, but he still did things here and there, streamed a couple of times, went into the studio occasionally, etc

- but now that he was going to be physically gone a lot more, he knew he had to spend it wisely. and wisely did he spend it.

- most of the time was spent lying in bed with you on one side, him on the other and the baby lying on their back between you too.

- you'd both coo at them, tickle them, and talk to them

- oh did Wilbur love to sing to them, anything at all!

- he even came up with a few lullabies for them

- you'd watch from the door of the nursery as he'd rock them to sleep, humming a tune or singing the lyrics he came up just for them

- it killed you and totally didn't make you want another

- he was overall the sweetest father, and it became more evident when he had to leave for a while

- he'd call every morning, lunch and dinner as long as he didn't have anything

- and he would be so so sure that it was that time for you, it didn't matter what time it was for him as long as it was that time of day for you and his little baby

- he may have FaceTimed you and the baby during a few soundchecks, shh don't tell Dave!

- he would smile so big at the camera and wave at your little one

- he'd show them off to his band mates and they'd all coo at the little one, talking about how much alike they look like you and wilbur

- you personally thought they looked most like their father, his eyes, lips, ears. they might as well have been a spitting image of him! you looked at baby photos too

- Wilbur, on the other hand, begged to differ. he was very very insistent they looked just like you and nothing like him.

- it was most likely perception and bias that caused you both to think this way, but neither of you really cared all that much

- on days he couldn't call, for whatever reason, sometimes you'd play one of his old streams on the TV.

- the little one always responded to his voice and it seemed to calm them, usually into a sleep

- so just chatting streams and ycgma were go tos for sleepless nights lovejoys stuff kept them up and giggling

- when he was there for sleepless nights, he'd walk them around in his arms and talk about the most random things until they fell asleep

- he even offered to baby wear a lot more than most fathers did

- he just wanted to be close to them, and it always gave you a break, so he thought it'd be a double deal

- and it was! you'd get your nap, and so did the baby and Wilbur would just be gushing over his little one a few tears always shed

- he would sit with the baby on his leg when he was at his desk working, one arm snaked around them and his other on his mouse or keyboard

- at first, working was very cumbersome with the kiddo but he eventually found a work flow that worked and bouncing them on his knee helped keep things calm

- you were both hesitant to show your child on the internet and you didn't for a very long time, while people knew of them, it wasn't like photos were posted or they showed up on stream

- until, when the kiddo was about 2 or 3, they decided they missed their daddy and went running into the office when you weren't looking (I'll be using Willow as an example)

"Daddy!" Willow yelled or rather screamed out in that typical toddler way, running over to her dad's office chair.

She didn't know her father was live or working and she was much too young to understand it anyway—and the color drained from Wilbur's face when he realized. It was much too late now, chat was already spamming "Dadbur?!?" and "Baby Gold!!!"

Willow did her best to climb the side of her dad's chair before he sighed, a big smile on his face and he lifted her up by her armpits and placed her on his knee, first facing him so the camera didn't see.

"You wanna be on camera, sweetie?" He asked, realizing now how much trouble he may get in with you—but the giggle from his daughter and the smile on her face was so worth it, he didn't care.

"Yeah! Yeah!" And so he turned her around to face his PC and the camera.

"Wave to chat, lovebug!" He snaked his arm around her waist and waved with his own hand, his head dipped down to watch her. He had the softest, most loving smile on his face. He loved his little girl so so much, and he knew how it showed.

Willow waved and giggled, "Hi chat!!" and chat began spamming; "Baby Gold, hi!!" and "WILLOW!!"

It was the cutest thing he had ever seen.

And he desperately hoped he wouldn't get in too much trouble.

He spent the rest of the stream talking to chat, but mostly looking at his little girl as he conversed with her.

- it was over by then, and the little kiddo would make an appearance as much as you would allow

- and you were far from angry—you cried when you saw the clips—you were just frustrated he didn't go to you first yet you realized, he couldn't. your kid was much too like his father and much much too like you. stubborn and energetic.

- they only got more sassy and opinionated as they grew, and they most definitely became a spitting image of wilbur

- maybe #2 would look more like you

- oh, and don't let him wear plain tshirts unless you want more kids, that's all I'm saying

tags; @lillylvjy @lvrboysoot (if you want to be on a taglist thing, just send an ask and I'll add you!)

[loquarocoeur]

Genuinely not trying to distract you from your studies it your note about taking things “out of the bedroom” made me SUPER curious about what non-sexual submission/dominance would look like for Charles and Max and how it would kinda bleed into their everyday (if private) life

I just think that non-sexual BDSM has SO much area for character development and exploration which makes it super intriguing to me too

Babe. I really don't need help getting distracted from my studies, I'm getting distracted all by myself, the adhd is adhding at its finest today, hyperfocus on all the wrong things (and the worst part is i even took my meds :( )

Okay so I've always had this insane love for those one or two fics in every fandom, that are so rare, but you always find them, where it's not even sex its just kneeling

Idk there's just smth about it, how sometimes Max doesn't want sex he just wants his brain off.

I mean of course it's still totally tied into and intertwined with the sex things, but it's also a thing on its own?

Idk the kneeling just also has something to do with Max coming and asking for it as well, and I just also think there'd be something more difficult about letting go for Max when it isn't in the context of sex so there's just a whole bunch of fun stuff and psychology going on there to potentially play with

And I feel like Charles would be so confused about it, but after a minute he'd like get it, bcs you know Charles kind of also goes into a headspace in a way, and it's nice to just kind of sit there and look at Max being pretty with his eyes closed and his head resting on Charles' thigh or something, and it's not as energy intensive as sex yknow, but you still get the headspace? idk, I haven't fleshed this out yet

And it's also of course Max putting himself in Charles' hands and trusting him with this even when it's hard, like you know you have to earn that trust and submission in a way, it's something valuable, like Charles would probably never ask for this himself so it would always be a thing Max asks for, so its a thing Max is just offering up and giving him idk

Idk I haven't thought about this enough yet, it's still a baby concept, which is why it's probably not making total sense, even to me. It might turn out a lot different than I'm thinking now (if I do finish it, I never want to promise anything of course I have soo many wips) and I have to do like proper research about it as a real life non-fictional concept as well still bcs I like to do that to understand the psychology sometimes and not like make shit up, but yeah idk

It's one of those things between all the other things I want to still do though idk. When I tell you I have too many fledgeling wips and ideas for yours verse you can't even imagine and every time I get one done it's replaced by 2 or 3 more ideas, it's such a problem

[rosesnink]

The Penitent and the Lamb

Author's Notes

Surprise, @gaiuskamilah ! I'm your Secret Pal! I think it's either destiny or Dani's @choicesfandomappreciation 's matchmaking genius that has brought us together in this exchange, which is my fave exchange! I've enjoyed your content, meta and outwordly art for a while, and I am more than glad to have written this delicious puece of Niaerin! Your content is always so unique and intricate, with an incredible attention to detail and every relationship you write is soo rich in complexity, it's simply a treat to come into your blog! I hope this little piece makes justice to your vision and that you enjoy a major toxic yuri fic made specifically for you <3. Love, Noe

English isn't my first language, so please forgive any typos/grammar mistakes

This piece is rated +18, if you're a minor I'd advise you to not interact with this piece. Trigger warnings will be placed and tagged accordingly

If you like my Blades content, feel free to check out my masterlist and to ask for a place in the taglist!

This is my first time writing smut, so please bear with me lsjehdiebvudulkw

The F!Aerin sprite credit goes to the insanely talented @zhoras-bitch who was kind enough to let me borrow her edit for this ❤

Summary: Nia and Aerinae's journey has been no short of trouble and complex, but they keep coming back to the other like a moth to a flame, even if it kills them

Word Count: 4.9k

Category: Fantasy, dark romance, LGBTQA+

Pairing: Nia Ellarious x Aerinae Valleros (F!Aerin)

TW: Smut, themes of violence, kidnapping, strong language and religious themes such as religious trauma, guilt, among others. Reader's discretion is advised

Book: Blades of Light and Shadow Trilogy

Nia barely remembers her parents. She remembers that her mother smelled of cinnamon, that she loved to pick flowers for her hair and had auburn hair, flowing down till her waist, with beautiful emerald green eyes and a penchant for books. Her father, however, was a shy and quiet man, with brown skin and pensive brown eyes, always looking for a brilliant idea for his job. Then, she remembers the robed people in the temple, how they talked to her parents. How she remembers showing magical affinity. Saying goodbye. Hearing her mother cry out “Oh, my, oh my girl! Don’t take her from me! She is my girl! My firstborn child! Please!” She’d never see her again.

And when she asked Scholar Vash about her, he told her she had died from an illness, and that her father followed shortly after. Then, before Brienne, before Aerinae ruined her, she remembers small but meaningful flashbacks.

In one of the classes with her fellow acolytes, her professor told them “To give in to the sins of flesh is to sin, and to sin is to be led astray from the temple. You have all one mission, one thing to worship: the Light. It is all you have, all you need. People will come and go. Kings and lords will die, but all that matters is the Light.”

Or when they eventually grew up into teenagers full of questions… and questionable acts. One of their professors was furiously whipping two girls, their backs bare as they screamed “Foolish girls! How dare you turn back from the Light?! How many times have we told you the consequences of—of sinful fornication! Priests and priestesses are above the needs of the flesh! You two are banned for the Temple.” They were never seen again. Nia still wonders if they made it out of the Temple’s reach… or if Solerne found them, and took care of them.

Vash placed a hand on a seventeen-year-old Nia “You are progressing more than the year. You are very powerful, my child. More than we have seen in decades. And one day, you will do something great, and the Temple will reward you with its greatest gift: immortality.” “Immortality?” “Not that kind. The kind that your name will be written all over the history books, songs and legends. Many great priests and priestesses will come and go after you are gone, but only the name Nia Ellarious will remain.”

Or her worst memory, one of the last with Vash… when Brienne came into her life. Vash talked to her while Brienne and her brother teased one another “Nia, my child, don’t you think I haven’t seen the way that… adventurer looks at you… and your responses.” “Scholar Vash?” “She is an unusual beauty, but remember that a priestess like you is above the needs of the flesh. Let her look, but not touch. Your body belongs to the Light, not some mercenary.” “…Understood, Scholar Vash.”

That had been her life. Books, classes, training, and then the pilgrimage. But now, she was on a quest. A quest that led her to meet a beautiful and sweet princess, Aerinae. She saw how she and Brienne were talking, and a pang of jealousy came over her. Jealousy… or guilt? Priestesses were above the needs of the flesh. Then why did she want them both? She shook her head, and when Brienne went ahead to talk to Tyril, she didn’t miss a beat on talking to Aerinae on the pond. This time, she allowed herself to truly take her in: light skin, striking brown eyes, an elegant, long neck, a red dress decorated with a delicate tiara of the Valleros dynasty, with fine bone structure and plump, tempting lips, but most of all, a maddeningly enticing essence of rosewater and cherry blossoms. Taking a deep breath, she gave the quieter princess a smile “She is just lovely, isn’t she?”

The princess fidgeted with her hand, which was made of long, elegant fingers, which looked smooth, even though the middle one had a small bump. Of writing and reading so much, no doubt. The idea of the princess in her nightgown reading with her hair down—which now was in an elaborate, braided updo—was tempting, and Nia had to swallow such desires. Your body belongs to the Light.

“She is… different. You, however… are the odd one out.”

Nia blushed and mumbled “Everyone seems to know everything, and I…”

Aerinae gave her a gentle smile “I know what it’s like. To not truly belong. When you are the only daughter of a king, that weight… is unbearable. My brother is the strongest, the most handsome, the fittest… and a man. No matter what I do, or how well I prove myself, all I can think is… all they see is my gender. They do not see—Never mind. I’ve… accepted my fate,” she sounded now angry, resentful, but mostly… lonely. Lonely and scared. “They’ll marry me to some lord as old as time to ensure their house’s loyalty, and all I’ll do is be confined in a small, cold room, giving birth to heir after heir. It’s… all I’ve been trained to do. The life I am meant to.”

“That is… Gods, that’s cruel. Surely your father—,”

“Sees me as a liability. I am nearing my prime age for marriage. Not one lord seems to be interested in me, all they see is… the bloody crown and my royal womb. It’s… humiliating. Degrading, even.”

Nia took her hands in hers and squeezed them “I am sorry. Perhaps I could talk with the High Priest? Surely they’ll let you come to the priesthood. You wouldn’t be the first princess to join our ranks.” She beamed “We’d be sisters, you and I. Wouldn’t you like that?”

Aerinae flinched and yanked off her hands, breathing suddenly heavily “It is too late. The plan to… to marry me to someone is set into motion.”

“Aerinae—,”

“My brother is calling me.”

Before she could say anything, she was gone.

She had done it, Aerinae thought. As she dragged Nia through the halls of the castle, she thought she’d feel fulfilled. She had killed her brother, her kin, who often mocked that women couldn’t trounce men. They were too weak, too meek, too stupid to hold a sword. All they were good for was pleasing their husbands and raise their children. Nothing more. It had been… incredible. Watching him gawk at her like an idiot when she ran him through. He had died at her hands. The hands of the woman he mocked, tore down and often even abused in many levels. Slapping her. Dragging her by the hair. Daring his friends to tell her that he liked her. Went as far as to send one drunken man to her chambers when she was changing, him saying that she’d do anything for a sack of three silver coins. She had been terrified that night, and all she could hear was her brother’s boisterous laughter. But now it had been his turn to be scared, and he had died scared.

Then why don’t I feel like my purpose has been met?

Brienne’s gaze full of horror haunted her yet again. For a moment, she thought that she wanted her still. But no. Her heart was too set into the Light. She did not see what she saw, she was far too sheltered in her little village, with a loving brother and father. They were not kin. Dr. Kerrigan was an old medic, Kade was a human, and Brienne an orc. If they shared next to no blood bounds, who come it was so damn easy for them to love one another? Why not her? Why. Not. Her?!

No matter, she thought. She had the Dreadlord and the court. They were her family now. A little odd, but far stranger things had been seen.

“Aerinae… please… what of the kiss we shared? Of the feelings exchanged?”

Aerinae flinched. As Brienne disappeared, Nia had found the princess’ chambers, and the two had kissed for the first time… in ever.

“…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

Aerinae observed her, trying to ignore the pain of the stone in her chest “And what of Brienne? You two seemed cozy.”

“Not more than you.”

There was no jealousy, or possessiveness. Just a thrill that shouldn’t be there.

“I do not mind sharing. The Temple taught us to be generous.” She saw Nia flush under that statement. Aerinae chuckled.

“If kings and princesses can have two or more mistresses at once, why not princesses?”

Nia bit her lip “Is… that what I am, Aerinae? A mere mistress?”

She shook her head and tentatively reached for her, stroking her cheek “No. That is the problem. You are… so much more. It is maddening, how drawn I am to you. To you both.”

Then, she remembered the many romance books she read at night under her pillow, a small candle lighting it. Then prince kissed the woman, and their tongues danced. But instead, their noses bumped, and both women winced and chuckled.

“Let me, Your Highness…”

They kissed. For the first time, she felt… alive. It felt right. Her hands went to her hair, smelling cinnamon and Light. Tomorrow, she’d be her lamb. Today, she was her paramour, kissing her at everybody’s backs, not caring if anyone else could watch her. The betrayal would be a tomorrow issue. Tonight, she wanted to see what made a priestess of the light feel like a sinner repenting in a church after a passionate night.

“Do I mean so little to you?”

“You don’t… but it’s too late.”

Nia went back to screaming and thrashing.

When Nia sacrificed herself, she knew she’d die. As she closed her eyes and Brienne let out a blood-curling scream, she could see and feel two things; the last memories of her life, from looking at Brienne for the first time, to Aerinae, to Brienne again as her heartbeats stopped. Then, a flick of Shadow and Light inside her, pulling her back to life.

Then, it was all a blissful blur. Capturing Aerinae, being awarded, and finally being in Brienne’s arms, and my, that was a bigger delight than any other delicacy in the world. It felt like they were two little hermits in their own abandoned church, worshipping one another as their mouths and hands entangled between them, the balcony being a testifier of the moans and writhes, Nia’s name sounding like the most sacred of prayers as her tongue moves against her, their hips rocking and her hands trembling of bliss, such celestial bliss, she felt like reaching the sky. She felt like a goddess, Nifara perhaps, and Brienne was her most loyal and beloved subject, on her knees, beautiful and her body full of her love and desire. And Nia, while clueless of what to do, nevertheless followed her instincts. Her primal instincts.

Months ago, she would’ve been afraid of being whipped like those two girls, but now she did not care. She was a heroine in her own right, and all she wanted was to make the confident Brienne squirm and moan her name with abandon and devotion. Many said that fornication led to corruption, but she had never felt more alive or holier than now. She was now on her knees, watching the most beautiful woman she had ever seen against the balcony, her incredibly striking body naked and wanting for her, her legs spread out, her knees trembling as her legs drove her inside of her as humanly possible, her head lolled back as she begged for more. It reminded her of her prayers. Full of incantation, reverence, devotion and need. For it to be real. To exist. To do something about it. The Gods may be real or not, but Brienne was real. She was real, she existed, and she was panting and moaning her name, something unheard of Nia a few months ago, she though, as she devoured her like she was her last meal before dying. And my, she has never had a sweeter and more delectable meal.

But it all crumbled down when, a few days later, Brienne was taken of her for a whole year, and her coming back would change forever the world as she knew it.

It had happened after Brienne was gone. It had been a terrible day, and on top of it, she had found a corset of Aerinae’s lost in a dressing room. It all came crumbling back. And then… Shadow.

It happened as fast as she came. She roared and turned the corset to dust, before realising what she had done and looked at herself in the mirror. The panicked scream was so loud, it woke a few guards. Explaining it had been awkward to say the least.

She now had Shadow in her. The Shadow imposed by the Dreadlord. By Aerinae.

And she knew nothing of how to rid of it.

“What do you mean, it’s gone?!” Nia cried, and flinched on how high-pitched her voice sounded.

“We don’t know, Priestess. We woke up, the room was covered in smoke, and all we could see was the princess bare and shadowless.”

She looked at the guards “Has she been clothed and fed?”

“Of course! She is still a princess, after all. The king hopes for redemption on her part, perhaps by marriage.”

She gritted her teeth. Whoever the king hoped to marry her to, she hated him already “…Good. That is all. Goodnight.”

As the group argued over the recluse princess joining the party, Nia couldn’t help but observe her, seeing if she had any trace of Shadow in her. Nada. Zilch. Like it was never there.

But it was. Once. And she’d get the truth from her.

“Aerinae… how?”

“How what? How do I look this devastatingly good for a fallen princess?”

Nia thought of screaming at her, but instead took a deep breath “How did you get rid of the Shadow? Is it… possible?”

The princess shuffled in her feet “It is possible. But… it takes a lot of energy. It is a painful and arduous process.”

She was about to ask the question when Mal called ahead. She sighed. She would revisit this later.

Sealing the first rift had taken a great effort, and stumbling upon the party for Brienne had been just what the group needed: to let loose, to breathe and be able to convince themselves that the worst was over. Brienne was back, and they were reunited with their usual business, even if it was a perilous one.

Watching Brienne and Aerinae go elsewhere together made her understand that everything was changing, again, and that she was far behind. She could notice Tyril staring at her too, but who wouldn’t? She overheard many drunks comment that everyone looked at Brienne because of her height and the massive bulge of her breasts, but that was not it. It was the radiance she exuded, her incredible charisma and the presence she commanded, inspiring and admiring, drawing everyone to her. And of course Aerinae and Tyril were drawn to her. What fool wouldn’t?

However, her being the last person she went to… it meant everything. No matter how many people, it was her bed she ended up in. But she had felt guilty of seeing Aerinae as Brienne left to see Tyril.

“Aerinae—,”

“I know you have questions. But… it is a lovely day. The sun is out, people are dancing and drinking. Just… let us be two women in the temple where everything seemed to start, a fallen princess and… and the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen.”

“Wouldn’t that be Brienne?”

Aerinae stroked her hair “Brienne is as pretty as the sea: feminine, raw, strong, fluid and wise. You, Nia, are the Light made woman: pure, holy, full of calm and… home. You are… a lifeline everybody holds on. Something I’ve desired but couldn’t have. But…”

“But?”

“The Dreadlord’s gone. My brother’s gone. My Shadow is gone. All I have left is my desire to sink to my knees and make up for what I did to you. To us.”

Nia reddened, not in embarrassment, but something more “You… want it to give it a go? Despite everything?”

“Yes.” She said in a raw, desperate, wanting tone.

A silent agreement came between them: no more talk. Let their buried feelings come back to life. Soon, their mouths collided again, and Nia expertly undid her top, revealing her breasts, and cornered Aerinae against the altar, panting and swallowing “That… was unexpected.” Nia smiled knowingly.

“I’ve changed much since the wide-eyed priestess you met at the lake. I intend to leave you in bed for the rest of the night.” She had surprised herself at saying that. It was most unbecoming of a priestess, but the feeling she had been feeling since the Dreadlord, a certain daring feeling seeping into her system made her bolder, much bolder than ever.

“I am yours to take, Nia.” She whimpered as Nia traced her exposed curves.

She was about to when Nia felt it. Her Shadow coming back to her, her mind betraying her: she was about to make love to someone who made a fool of herself, kidnapped her, made her lover kill her and then left her to deal with the consequences. Then, the noise of unwanted company came, and all Nia could do was leave, wanting nothing more than to rid herself of that angry voice in her head since the Dreadlord had taken over her.

Aerinae called her, but she kept running.

That night, Aerinae left. And they were all off to Zaradun, where everything they had planned fell apart.

Seeing Brienne, all battered and bruised, powerless against Valax did it. All she could think was: get your filthy fingers off my Brienne.

And she did. By binding them together, Brienne wouldn’t harm her, and she’d be safe from her and her claws. But she would be lying if she didn’t want to crush Valax into smithereens every time she and Brienne came close.

The final rift was in Whitetower, and chances that she’d see Aerinae were very high. And she did. She wanted to jump and smack her for… everything, but she contained herself. Defeating the Ash Empress, nay, the Mother of Grey was more important.

And they did. And, for once, Nia was herself: strong, powerful, fearless and at last herself.

The days that followed, Nia wanted to process it all. And adapt to her new self, fused with both Shadow and Light magic. True Magic.

The Realms were now bound together, and everything felt different. It felt… right. Aerinae went over with the goblins often, only visiting others. Visiting Brienne. They both loved her, and Brienne loved them. At least, she knew for sure she loved her. Aerinae? That was her business. She had apologized to her for everything, and every time, she had accepted her apology, but didn’t quite feel ready to actually forgive her. Not yet.

However, it was quite thrilling, watching her being protective and grovelling over her over and over. She was still a penitent, but Nia was no longer a lamb. She was now a lioness who had come back from the dead and was ready for anything the world threw at her.

And then, the world threw her the most agonizing death by the Winged Warrior, conventionally leaving Brienne for last. Aerinae and Nia had tried to protect her, but all they could do was watch in horror as Brienne was left to die last.

The journey towards the City of No Faces was gruelling, and as The End tried to find a reasoning on why they were killed, Nia went to a small building to pray, or just breathe. She’d decide on the way.

Then, as she was about to cross the threshold, she noticed Aerinae had followed her, reluctant about it. Nia sighed, telling her that she was welcome there as well. They sat, and Nia noticed that there was a massive statue of what looked like Nifara. Nifara, who had been cruel, who had separated the realms and probably compelled the temple to its corruption and everything else.

“Look, Nia, I… am not ready to share how I got rid of my shadow, although you wear it with grace. It’s… hard for me, to talk about. I will, someday, but… I want to let you know, had it all led to this…”

“It is too late, Aerinae. We are dead, there is no turning back, and you cannot fix what is no more.”

Aerinae sighed and bit her lip “You didn’t deserve that, Nia. I… felt dirty, back when I… dragged you there. To the altar. A voice in my head told me to stop, to not go there, to turn back and return you to Brienne.”

“Did you know?” She finally asked, after a year and months of asking herself every night “That I was the one the Dreadlord was seeking all along? Was all of… that to lure me?”

“No! Gods, no. Not even then I’d be so heartless, Nia. It was all real. The kisses, the desire, the longing… it was real. It is real.

“I… want to believe you.”

She confidently cupped her face in her hands “Let me show you.” And she kissed her. But not like before. There were no secrets, no reluctance, no guilt. This was Aerinae, and she was kissing her with her true self. With her cheekiness, sarcasm, and that penance she only showed her. Everyone else got a sardonic, spoiled and impassive princess, but Nia had something not even Brienne could have: a penitent, remorseful and apologetic woman who’d do anything for her forgiveness. She was a penitent sinner who had come to her temple to earn her forgiveness, and for once, she was not the sacrificial lamb, but the goddess who had all the power to tell her exactly how to earn her forgiveness.

She pulled her back, and observed the face she blindly trusted and was betrayed and possessed by, and anger alongside desire came through her “Disrobe yourself.” Her voice was commanding, and Nia observed how she did as she was told with big, begging brown eyes that asked her for mercy. She wouldn’t give it easily. For once, she’d have to work for it. Her chemise fell, and could observe her body. It was nothing like Brienne, fluffy and full of curves and meaty and emerald. Aerinae was paler, her brown hair cascading down till her knees, and trembling with cold and desire. “Undress me.” She did it without any sarcastic remark, and tried to kiss her, but Nia stopped her “No kissing. Not unless I tell you to.” She loved having Brienne under her, but this was not Brienne. This was Aerinae, who had taken her human autonomy from her, and would make her see how it felt.

“On your knees.”

Aerinae made a pleading sound as she sank to her knees, and looked up from her eyelashes to Nia, wanting to have her. “Beg.”

“I want you, Nia.”

“You can do better than that, Aerinae. Beg.”

“Please, Nia, please, let me have you…”

“Will you do everything I say?” She asked as she placed a finger inside her mouth.

“Yes…”

“Everything?” She asked as she inserted a second finger.

“Everything.” She moaned, and deep down, Nia smirked to herself.

She then went towards the altar, and Aerinae tried to walk with her, but Nia pushed her down “I don’t recall telling you to get up.”

“…Where has this Nia been?” Aerinae asked, surprised yet delighted to see a new side of the priestess.

Nia simply smiled and sat on the altar, spreading her legs like Brienne did back then, and beckoned Aerinae, who gladly crawled to her, desperate. To have her. To prove how sorry she was. To show that she was a changed woman. And tonight, she’d be the final judge of that.

“May I?” She asked as her face neared her centre.

“You may.”

Aerinae kissed her calves sensually, her hands gripping her thighs, and slowly went to her outer thighs, building tension. Nia’s hands went to her hair and gripped it, giving it a firm tug, and Aerinae threw back her head, a whimper of pain and pleasure rumbling through the deserted temple. She kissed her lips, and Nia threw her head back, moans and whimpers of pleasure taking over her. The lamb everyone mocked was dead, and she was now a goddess, and had her most devout worshipper on her knees, doing the most intimate and sacred ritual to earn back her favour after falling from grace for the highest heresy.

Finding her throbbing pearl, and Nia let out a loud moan, working on her wonderfully, and when Nia saw that she tried to pleasure herself as well, she meowed “No. Not yet. You’ll get it when I say so.”

Aerinae nodded dutifully and went back to eat her like there wasn’t a tomorrow, kissing and licking and gobbling it like a child with sweets, not caring of the mess they were making, moaning with pleasure and abandon, shamelessly rocking her hips against her head, revelling in the desperate feeling of being forgiven, but never giving it to her. It was the best feeling, finally getting to get a say on what to do instead of thinking ‘What would the Temple say?’ But she had drifted from that kind of Temple a long time ago. ‘Fuck the Temple’. She now wanted to fuck her anger out on Aerinae, and she would. Gods be damned if it was sinful.

And my, whoever taught Aerinae, they had done a good job, for she soon reached her peak and cried out loudly, trembling as her eyes rolled out, seeing white. After taking a few deep breaths, she jumped out of the temple and threw Aerinae fully to the floor, Nia straddling her. Then, Aerinae asked “Does Brienne now? About us?”

“I don’t think so.”

Then, instead of asking, she just said “You love her. I love her. And she loves us. What if she discovers us and we break her heart?”

“Or perhaps she’ll join us. Now quiet. It’s hard to make you scream if you’re talking.”

With one hand, she placed her hands above her head, and with the other, she teased the sensitive flesh “You took me for a fool,” she finally said after so fucking long as her fingers stroked her “you betrayed me and threw me to the wolves like a lamb for them to kill me and watched like a fucking coward.” Both desire and anger were boiling out of her as Aerinae panted and whimpered at her merciless strokes, thrusting into her with a strength that seemed to elate her.

“And I, ah, regret every minute of it.” She panted, rocking against her fingers, her eyes always on her “If I could turn back, I… I would.”

“Prove it.”

She met her halfway, kissing her, almost devouring each other with more than mere passion. Resentment. Grief. Anger. Penance. The desire to start anew.

Then, finally having earned her mercy, let her hands go. Her best one went to her pearl again, and the other cupped her breasts, pinching and grabbing shamelessly, and Nia arched back at the feeling, both their moans echoing the whole chamber. Nia lolled her head back at the door, and saw an incredulous Brienne at the threshold. But they didn’t stop. That enticed them even more. The woman they both loved, finally seeing the truth. She could swear that she saw desire and intrigue in her eyes before leaving, and Nia only wished to continue, their throe of passion more scalding than ever, a much-needed boost that made it by far the most sensual and riveting performance in their short and inexperienced life. Crying out and Aerinae soon following, they both fell to the floor, panting, catching their breath.

“Does… does that mean… that you… forgive me?”

She took a deep, steady breath “No… but… you are… on a good path.”

“And… Brienne?”

“Later. I… wish… a few more minutes.”

After a few more minutes, they both went back to where Brienne was, probably trying to make sense of it. They both sat at each side of her, and Brienne finally looked at them.

“When did this happen?” She wasn’t angry or jealous. Simply wanted to know how, when.

“Back at the lake,” Aerinae answered “and then… it just spiralled from there.”

Nia took her hand “I still love you, Brienne. But Aerinae and I… we are bound together as well.”

Brienne nodded, then took a deep breath “Do you love each other?”

“…We crave each other. The one we love is you.”

She was about to say something when Mal’s voice ringed out and Brienne got up.

“Well, I also am involved to the one who kidnapped me and tortured me once. I am the last person that should judge. As long as there are no more lies or deceit… you have my blessing.”

And then, she left.

They looked at each other, and held their gazes. No longer the princess and the poor lamb. The penitent and the lamb turned legend.

[sanctuary1988]

~Handsome Stranger | 1 | Gwi

French: /the petals of love/

Pairing: Gwi x fem! noble! Reader

Summary: A heartless vampire falls in love for the first time in centuries of loneliness. Passion, secrets, betrayal and love drown the royal palace. Will your love for Gwi prevail through time or will it wither away like a fallen rose petal? Maybe love was his punishment, maybe love was your salvation. Or wasn't it a curse to you both? Because, who can beat a race against time? Who can love in the dark? Who can love without truth? After all, even the most beautiful flower will wither away and end in ashes of time, remembered only by the one who cherished her the most.

Warnings: strangers to lovers? fluff, angst, minor injury, blood, this is a light chapter tbh. Mentions of marriage, talks about arranged marriage, age gap (huge), historical! AU, royal! AU?, cannon copilant, (let me know if I missed anything!)

Word Count: 2.3k words

A/N: Guys, I have fallen in love. In honour of my new obsession called Lee Soo Hyuk I'll write this story and hopefully many more! I'll warn you, this story will get darker as it progresses and will follow canon although it is settled before the series so the characters from The Scholar Who Walks The Night will not appear in this fic (apart from Gwi, obviously). This is some sort of a prequel so I hope you will enjoy it!

I'll update when I have time, dears. I just started my business and I'm also working part-time while also going to college at night so, yeah. I'll do my best so please let me know your thoughts! Happy reading everyone :)

Gwi looked at her with an intriguing gaze, eyes sharp under the candles' light.

"I would not hesitate to let someone as clever as you take the throne. You remind me of a woman I used to know. That woman was clever and ambitious like you."

Hye-Ryeong swallowed, testing the waters with her next question.

"Did you care for her?"

Gwi looked at the distance, as if his mind was transported back to his memories from centuries ago.

"I had feelings for her. I had never cared for a mortal woman before."

Some tension filled the cave, the flickering candles allowing soft light to illuminate the place.

"What happened to that woman?"

Asked Hye-Ryeong once more, wanting to know if there was only another small crumb of the vampire's past who sat in front of her.

"I killed her."

Was his answer, the words came tumbling from his lips without resistance at all but there was a heaviness in his voice that made a tremble travel down her spine. Gwi looked up at her, his eyes swarming with the memory of his distant love.

"I could not help it. She had my child without my knowledge."

Hye-Ryeong looked at the man before her, with almost sympathy in her gaze. Almost. The idea of him killing someone he loved made her stomach twist with emotions she wasn't quick enough to grasp.

"A child between a vampire and a human being is said to kill vampires."

His voice sounded deeper than usual, dripping with the disgrace of his actions.

"What happened to the child?"

She asked in an almost shy way, for a moment fearing what his reaction to such an inquiry would be.

"The child likely died since it occurred over 200 years ago."

Gwi looked down at the drawing he was making, the image of his love made memories he had long since buried in his mind resurface, opening scars and bleeding with poisonous remorse for what he had done to the only woman he had loved in his long life and who also loved him back.

200 years ago.

Darkness fell over the village, clouds covered the moon, not allowing any kind of light to illuminate the dark city. The royal palace was silent, as if it were desolate. No soul walked through the gardens, no oil was being burned. Everything was still. Everything swam in a dark sea.

Except for one soul who walked the royal grounds as if he owned it. In a way, he did. Gwi, was his name. A name that few knew but all to whose existence lived in their minds feared to no tremor.

He walked among the night. Watched over the village. His domain. His kingdom. For he had ruled over the most powerful man in Goryeo for years. Through generation over generation of royal princes. He ruled it all. He owned it all. He had it all to his reach, everything a human would ever want in their miserably short life he had conquered it.

He paraded through the still gardens, a soft yet cold breeze made his silky dark hair fly softly. A sigh escaped his lips, the full moon was approaching and that only meant he'd have to go hunt once more. Like every month.

Gwi halted in his steps when he smelled the sweetest aroma he had ever felt in his astonishingly long life. His feet walked with a mind of their own, going toward such sweetness he smelled through the air and made his eyes cloud with crimson desire.

Blood.

That was what he smelled. The substance that he needed, craved to live. Blood was life to humans, and it also meant life to vampires like himself. The smell got stronger, he felt his heart beat in his chest wildly in anticipation.

However, he had to stop himself before approaching the source of such an electable aroma. Gwi hid behind some bushes, his curiosity and intrigue getting the best of him as he watched a young woman crouched down on the ground, a finger between her lips as she sucked her own blood from her small injury.

You had left your room late at night in order to find some peace among the darkness. Your mind was troubled, so was your heart. You've had little time for yourself the last few months, leaving the night as your only free time of your day. As ironic as it sounded.

While walking the large palace grounds, you encountered a small hidden garden filled with beautiful roses. In the midst of your curiosity, you bent down and picked one, then another and another. Already thinking that you could put it in a nice vase back in your room when you returned. But a hiss escaped your lips as a thorn teared at your flesh and blood oozed out of the small wound.

You placed the rustic bouquet on the ground and sucked on the injury, trying to stop the bleeding. However, a sudden noise made you halt in your actions. You looked around, the little lamp you had brought with yourself did little to illuminate your surroundings.

You knew you shouldn't be out of your room alone, especially at night. The warning of your father was still fresh on your memory from the first time he caught you leaving the safety of your bedroom. With quick movements you grabbed your lamp and walked hastily back to your room, leaving the roses behind. Completely unaware of the vampire watching over your retreating figure as his eyes held curiosity for that beautiful woman with a delighting scent.

Days passed and he was still mesmerised by that woman he saw in the gardens the other night. Gwi sat on his throne, daytime illuminated the city yet he was forced to remain in his underground palace. A beautiful construction between the darkness. His own paradise.

The chief counselor was suddenly in his presence. The old man bowed down slowly at the vampire before greeting him with irony dripping from his words.

"My Lord, thank you for allowing me this audience with you. I am truly honoured to be in your presence."

Gwi sighed, already bored with this interview as he signalled him to start saying what he wanted to say.

"My Lord, you know everything that occurs in these palace walls. Every gossip and truth is delivered to you first."

"Get on with it."

The Chief Counselor gulped, his hands tangling in front of him to stop them from fidgeting before he spoke once more.

"As you may know, my daughter has been ready for marriage for years now but I would like your wise opinion, My Lord. She possesses an extraordinary beauty and I know her marriage would be beneficial to the council."

Now that picked Gwi's interest. He leaned forward on his throne, his eyes piercing as he looked directly to the Chief Counselor's intimidated eyes.

"Who do you have in mind, Counselor Lee?"

The old man lifted his head in an almost challenging way that Gwi didn't like at all.

"Kang Ju Won, My Lord."

Gwi hummed to himself, as if he were genuinely interested in this marriage. Perhaps a part of him was as Jun Won had been rebellious against Gwi's orders. Not enough to get him killed yet... but still something that the vampire despised with all his being for loyalty is the most important thing in the world, even more so than love.

"Your beautiful daughter shouldn't go to waste with an old man like him but I will not deny how advantageous that marriage will be for me. You can start the preparations for the wedding, Counselor Lee."

The latter bowed down, not being able to suppress the smile that stretched over his aged features.

"I will, My Lord. Thank you for giving your consent, your opinion is the only thing that matters to me."

Gwi looked at him with an emotionless gaze, his sharp features looking even sharper as the candles around him flickered ever so softly. He gestured for the counselor to leave and he did so silently. Leaving the vampire alone with his thoughts once more in his enormous underground palace.

He didn't know why he had left his palace that night. The full moon was tomorrow, his senses and instincts were sharper than ever but Gwi found himself walking through the gardens like a couple of days ago when he saw the mysterious woman of the roses and sweet scent.

A scent he hadn't been able to forget, in fact it had impregnated into his memories and something within him prompted him to search for her once more.

He halted in his steps when he heard a soft sound coming from around some bushes. Gwi turned around, curious as ever so as to know the source of the sniff-like sound. He rounded a corner and was met with the same woman from the other night. He looked at the way she was crouched in front of the same roses, her elegant dress puffing around her yet this time she was crying.

"A rose never cries, let alone at night."

You gasped at the sudden voice that spoke next to you. It startled you, causing you to fall from your crouching position directly into the ground. You looked up only to spot a tall and handsome man dressed in dark robes with pale skin and long, dark hair. His voice, deep as the ocean, made you shiver as you found yourself under his intense gaze.

"Who are you?"

The man before you tilted his head to the right ever so slightly, the motion made you gulp for some strange reason. He was astonishingly beautiful with a mysterious aura around him that told you to get away but at the same time pulled you to not take a step back and leave his presence.

"Why are you crying?"

He completely disregarded your question, not that you noticed as you were enthralled into his amazing looks and that voice of his... it made you tingle all over your body. It almost seemed as if he had hypnotised you. Perhaps he did. At the lack of your response he crouched down, taking in your features with his sharp and dark eyes that looked like he held a starless galaxy in his irises.

You sniffled, wiping the remaining tears from your cheek with the back of your hand as you broke eye contact with the handsome stranger, eyes setting on your lap as you spoke once more.

"My father is going to marry me off."

Gwi sat down, he didn't know why he did it. He didn't know why he was there, let alone why he engaged in conversation with the beautiful woman of the magnificent natural perfume.

"What a lucky man for he'll get a beautiful wife."

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at him, nearly gasping at the proximity.

"I don't want to get married. Not yet at least."

He lifted an eyebrow at your open statement, at your honesty despite you both being strangers. But something about that honesty stirred a part of him he didn't want to admit he had in the first place.

"Who is your father, petal?"

The rumbling of his voice was as deep as thunder. It made you swallow as you looked into his eyes.

"Lee Beom Seok."

Gwi had to hide the surprise from his face at the name that left your lips. So you were the counselor's daughter. Now it kind of made sense for your father to want to marry you off for you were, indeed, rather beautiful. No other mortal woman has ever been that mesmerising to the vampire before in his long life. That is until you came.

"Do you really wish for the marriage to be cancelled?"

He said in that thunderous voice of his you couldn't help but nod to answer him, not finding words to speak your own desire. Gwi sighed before he stood up while you watched his movements, elegant on its own.

"I can make that happen, petal."

You sniffled at his words. Your hands fidgeted with the ornament on your dress as you looked up at the handsome stranger who offered you a way out of the nightmare you were going to be forced to live in.

"I can stop your marriage from happening, that is if you come with me."

He extended his hand toward you, a silent invitation to take it. Take it and free yourself from this unwanted marriage but, what other chain going with him will put around your neck? You had learned the hard way that nothing is free in this cruel world and right now, you don't have much of a choice but to accept the last straw of hope given to you.

Your hand found home in his and Gwi pulled you up to your feet with a soft yet delicate motion. He wasn't going to admit it, let alone speak it out loud but... in a very deep part of his dead heart, he liked the feeling of your smaller hand in his large palm.

"You made the right choice, petal. Now tell me, what is your name?"

You felt how your heart quickened in your chest at the intensity in his dark eyes. You looked up and spoke in that voice he was starting to really like.

"Lee (y/n), My Lord."

Gwi smirked, pulling you to his side as he began walking back to his underground palace with your hand still clasped in his.

"From now on, you serve me, sweet petal. You are mine now."

January/28/2024

Drabbles are open!

~ Masterpost

[oldiesstationlover11607]

hellooo again!! i loved what you did with the dun!reader x tyler fic, it was exactly what i had imagined thank you!!:3 i’ll definitely be a regular here, you’re writing is TEWWW good not to be one 😁 id also love to be 🦝 anon if that works??

anyways id love to see an angsty fic, where reader & tyler are at an party or some sort of event and reader is spending a lot of time talking to her old childhood friend. and while tyler knows the reader would never hurt him, and that there was nothing going between reader and this guy. blurryface gets the best of him. so when they leave the party early because tyler has a “headache” and when the car ride home is nothing but silent, reader speaks up about it. and blurryface tries to argue with reader, paint her out to be this villain. but reader knows how to help tyler, she knows exactly how to save him from himself. i even if blurryface’s words hurt at first.

i hope i explained that correctly ☝️ but yeah just a angsty argument moment & once reader realizes she just has to save tyler from blurryface, she just reassures him until he’s safe.

again thank you so much for writing my request!!:) i have sooo many random ideas that id love to share with you, i truly enjoy your work soo much <3

- 🦝

Jealous - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Relationship: Tyler Joseph × Reader

Warnings: Blurryface, strong language (I did use swears lol), and Tyler being jealous - angst

Word Count: 2734

A/N: Hello 🦝! I'm glad you enjoyed the Dun!reader fic and thanks for coming back and requesting :) This was super fun to write bc I have an event with my guy best friend this weekend and lots of people that are going to be there haven't met him so I was able to take inspiration – hopefully it doesn't end up like this! Hope you enjoy!

We’d been planning this festival for months, 17 youth bands from Columbus, Ohio were set to play in a medium sized local venue over Saturday and I couldn’t have been more excited. Tyler had promised to  come as a guest and watch the bands. I’d asked him to have a chat with a few of the kids who I knew were fans and genuinely interested in taking their music further and into a professional sphere. 

“How’s this?” Tyler stepped out of our closet wearing a black hoodie, black jeans, and a baseball cap, doing a little spin. 

“Perfect,” I smiled, finishing my makeup in the mirror with my favorite music blasting from the speaker Tyler had installed in the ensuite bathroom for us. He fell back onto our bed, spreading out into a starfish position and staring up at the ceiling. “You look tired,” I laughed, looking at him through the mirror. 

“I am,” he responded, pulling down one of his pillows from the top of the bed. I grabbed my bag and slipped in my phone, keys, lip balm, and a comb. 

“Well you’re gonna need to wake up if you’re going to be speaking to these kids,” I said. Tyler sat up, letting out a loud groan that echoed through the bedroom. He opened his arms out to me, welcoming my presence between his knees. Resting his head against my chest, he pulled me in close enough that he was practically breathing me in. “I’m excited,” I smiled, knowing my hard work was finally paying off and that all of the kids I’d gotten to know over the last few months were getting the opportunity to showcase their art in front of people who truly understood them. 

“I’m excited for you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled through my shirt. His body heat felt comforting and the last thing I wanted was to step away. It was going to be a stressful day and any minute away from him would just make me more stressed, he was my own personal stress reliever. “We should get going,” I pulled away from his embrace and helped him onto his feet. Normally Tyler drove us places because I took control of the aux to play our shared playlist. We got into the car and almost immediately music started to flow around the car, the two of us singing as loud as we could and shimmying back and forth with the bass. The venue was about half an hour from our house and I’d gotten a couple text messages from the crew to let me know they were loading things in including camera equipment and the shared drum kit each band was going to use. We turned the corner and drove in through the back entrance, parking just to the side of the loading bay. Everywhere I looked there were people running back and forth carrying equipment and talking to the bands. It felt like just yesterday that Tyler and I were setting up for twenty one pilots’ shows together while Mark filmed everything. I missed it, I missed having a camera shoved in my face by one of my best friends–it was fun. Tyler jumped out of the car and ran over to my side, offering a hand for me and not letting go once I was down. We walked into the venue, music playing over the radio to keep everyone entertained during the long waiting hours. That was when I saw him–Luke. I stopped right there in the middle of the walkway, my breath caught in my throat. 

“Y/N?” he paused, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since high school. My heart was beating in my ribcage, the feeling vibrating throughout my body and straight into my hand, which Tyler gripped tightly. His brows furrowed as he looked at me with concern. 

“Luke?” Tyler tilted his head slightly. I let go of his hand and ran straight into Luke’s arms. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?” I gasped. 

“I thought I’d fly in and surprise you! I’ve been helping a bit behind the scenes with promotional stuff,” he looked down at me with a grin. 

“How long has it been?” Tears of joy started to well in my eyes. Luke was my best friend in elementary school, middle school, and even high school–our friendship lasting longer than 10 years. 

“Eight years Tink,” he said, ruffling my hair. ‘Tinkerbell,’ the nickname I’d adopted in middle school. I remember it like it was yesterday, the summer when our families went to Disney World together. Luke and I grew up on Disney movies and when we finally saved enough money to go to the parks we were so excited. Like the amazing friend I was, I forced Luke to stand in an hour-long line with me to meet Tinkerbell only to get heat stroke and have to step out of line. I cried and cried about how bad I felt about wasting his time but the whole time he sat by my side waiting for me to feel better before dragging me off to Walt Disney’s Haunted Mansion and forever cementing my name as ‘Tinkerbell’. 

“Sorry, Tink?” Tyler interrupted. I stepped back from Luke who chuckled. 

“Short for Tinkerbell. It’s a long story. You must be Tyler, I’ve heard so much about you,” Luke beamed, reaching a hand out to Tyler who shook it firmly. 

“Interesting, because I haven’t heard anything about you,” he mimicked sarcastically. Luke’s face dropped looking at me with confusion. He’d never come up in conversation, Luke moved out of state after high school, going to New York for business school. 

“We were friends at school,” Luke explained before looking back at me. “The kids are already here if you want to come say hi, they’re all super excited to meet Tyler.” I nodded, following him as he walked ahead. Tyler reached down and grabbed my hand strongly. Something was off, he was standing taller and felt more serious than he normally was. 

“Are you okay?” I whispered into his ear–he had to lean down to properly hear me. 

“Yep. Fine. Absolutely fine.”

“Tyler if you feel sick or something you can go home, I can stay here with Luke,” I began, rubbing the pad of my thumb against the back of his hand. 

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted. As we entered the backstage area where all the kids were he turned on a smile and went to greet everyone. The room instantly filled with cheers and squeals as he was quickly swarmed and disappeared from sight, leaving Luke and I alone. 

“Do you need any help with setting stuff up?” I asked, turning away from Tyler and trying to make myself useful. 

“Actually yeah, you could help me put together the gift baskets for the bands,” he nodded, leading me further down the hall into a dressing room full of brightly coloured baskets, bags of candy, drum sticks, guitar picks, and more gifty things. I jumped over the covered floor to a small square of carpet which was clear enough for me to stand. “So, what’s up with this Tyler guy? You told me he was chill but he was anything but that,” Luke spoke, kneeling down and grabbing a basket. He was right, Tyler was generally relaxed with the exception of a few work things with the band when he really locked in. 

“I don’t know Lou,” I ran a hand through my hair, “he normally is.” 

He shrugged and let out a sigh. “Maybe he’s jealous of my amazingness,” he bragged, fitting a pack of guitar strings next to the box of chocolates in his basket.  

“As if,” I scoffed, throwing the ring of ribbon to him. “I’m dating the frontman of one of the biggest bands on the planet and you’re… you,” I laughed as Luke placed a hand on his chest in mock offense. As Luke and I continued to fit each gift into the baskets we began to talk about the past. We reminisced on the make believe games we used to play, the popular girls in middle school who thought they were ‘all that’–who apparently these days were working at gas stations and malls–and that one time our math teacher talked about his couples therapy in class. I could barely breathe as Luke mimicked the teacher’s voice, clenching my stomach and gasping for air. 

“Oh my god, remember when he got on his knees in front of Kate and started praying for her to pass the exam?” I laughed as Luke gasped, continuing his perspective of the story. I could hear the thumping and humming of the bands playing as they started to roll out on stage–I couldn’t have been more proud. 

“What about Dylan, do you remember him?” Luke asked. We’d moved closer together as the empty baskets became perfectly full and were placed on the table I’d decided needed to be covered in pink paper.

“Shit that breakup was the worst. I was the a fucking mess,” I scoffed. Dylan was my high school boyfriend and for most of our relationship I was deeply in love with him–except for the day I caught him making out with Kathy from biology. It took me months to get over it, months of watching Disney movies and scoffing ice cream on Luke’s couch. It was so bad that our parents actually let us stay at each other’s houses. 

“I know, I was there,” Luke laughed, cutting the end of the ribbon he was tying. “I’m glad you’ve found your person though, he’s lucky to have you Tink.” Finishing another basket, I placed it on the table, finally able to move around the room as we’d finished about half of the job already. Just as I was about to go back to my spot I saw Tyler standing in the doorway. 

“Hey,” I smiled, opening my arms to him as he weaved his way around the baskets towards me. “How were the kids?” I looked up at him noticing he was picking at his hands–an anxious habit he’d formed. 

“Good,” he responded. 

“Are you okay man?” Luke asked, looking up from the bow he was tying. Tyler’s fists clenched. 

“I’ve got a headache, you know?” he gestured to his head. “I think we should head home Y/N.” I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to watch my hard work pay off and hear the music. 

“Oh I can give her a ride home after is she wan–”

“No. I–I–no,” Tyler interrupted. I stood up and interlocked my arm with his but he shrugged me off. I mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ at Luke who flashed me a sympathetic look. I hated having to leave him, I’d missed his company more than I thought I had–all of the memories flooding back in a manner of hours. 

“Okay,” I nodded, placing the basket I had just finished on the table and smiling sheepishly at Luke. Tyler walked stiffly to the door and out to the car without a word. 

“See ya Tink,” Luke waved, “I’ll text you.” 

I ran out after Tyler towards the car seeing him already sitting in the driver’s seat with the engine running. His posture was perfectly straight and expression blank. I climbed into my seat and turned to him, placing a hand on his thigh. 

“Are you okay to drive?” I asked, genuinely concerned about what was happening to him. Either he was telling the truth and had a headache or something much worse was about to happen. 

“It’s fine,” he snapped, driving out of the lot. I reached for the aux cable to plug my phone in, hoping some music would help him feel better–it usually did. “Don’t. Please,” he spoke, his hands gripping hard onto the wheel. I nodded and sat in silence the rest of the way home, staring out the window. As each building passed us I felt worse and worse, an ever expanding pit of anxiety forming in my throat. Tyler didn’t say a word but as we got closer and closer to home he would occasionally let out a groan or wince of pain. We wheeled into the driveway and came to a stop, Tyler jumping out of the car and running into the house. Immediately I chased after him, catching the front door as he attempted to slam it. 

“Tyler!” I shouted, causing him to stop and look at me. His eyes were red–bright red. Fuck. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he snapped, raising his arms to cover his head. He was trying to hide Blurryface from me. 

“Blurry come on. Talk to me,” I said. 

“I don’t need to hear you talk about him. I don’t want to hear you talk about him. You ditched me the whole day to hang out with him,” he started a path of no return, we were going to have that conversation.

“Tyl–We–He’s…We’re not…” I tried to explain it but couldn’t get my words out.

“Save it Y/N. I saw the way he looked at you, the way you hugged him. God you’re such a slut,” he seethed. My jaw dropped. The same words high school bullies spat at me were coming from the mouth of the person I love the most–the person who I’d decided to spend my life with. 

“You’re awful,” I sniffled. 

“And you’re not?” he continued to push, his eyes glowing brighter than before. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to unleash hell on him but it wasn’t Tyler speaking and I knew anything I did to Blurryface would just hurt Tyler more than he already was hurting. 

“He’s gay,” I blurted. “He’s gay, there is nothing going on between us and there never has.” I wiped the tears falling from my face. It wasn’t my thing to tell him, Luke was out and everyone who knew him knew he was gay–in fact even those who didn’t know him could seem to tell. Almost instantly Tyler’s eyes turned from the flaring fiery red to a bloodshot brown, his shoulders falling. 

“What?” I could tell he felt awful, the buildup of guilt obvious on his face. 

“I said, he’s gay, and there isn’t and never has been anything going on between us. He’s my friend Tyler.” He held his hand in front of his mouth, shaking violently. 

“Oh my god. I’m awful, I–I called you a–” he started to bawl and I pulled him in close. 

“It wasn’t you Ty. It’s okay, it’s okay,” I hummed, rubbing my hand up and down his back and tears streamed down his face. Tyler buried his face into my shoulder, his body trembling with every sob.

 “I didn’t mean it. I swear, I didn’t mean it,” he choked out, his voice cracking.

“I know, baby. I know,” I whispered softly, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him. My heart ached seeing him like this, so consumed by Blurryface’s anger and his own self-hatred.

“I can’t believe I let him do that… I can’t believe I said that to you. I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating, guilt lacing every word. I pulled back just enough to see his face, placing my hands gently on either side of his cheeks. 

“Tyler, listen to me. That wasn’t you. I know you, and you would never say those things. I’m not angry at you. I just want to help you through this.” His eyes, still red and puffy, searched mine, like he was desperately trying to believe my words but couldn’t let go of his shame. 

“But I hurt you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. I shook my head gently. 

“I’m okay. I’m here, aren’t I? I love you, Tyler. Nothing he says, nothing Blurryface does, can change that.” He let out another shaky breath, his forehead resting against mine. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that. You deserve all the love in the world, and I’m going to keep reminding you of that until you believe it,” I said, my voice firm but gentle. For a moment, we stayed there, wrapped in each other’s arms, the weight of everything starting to lift, even if just a little. Tyler’s breathing slowly steadied, his tears drying as he leaned into my touch.

“We’ll get through this, Ty. Together.”

He nodded, his voice still raw. “Together.”

//

Requests open!

[obsidianpen]

(Not offended if you don’t post this pen/and/or disagree, this can be just for you if you want) but PSA that Grey is posting on her Insta that the screenshots from The Document are lacking *context*, that of course this person didn’t include the version that made her look like an asshole, and that she has loads and loads of proof to the contrary.

Also, on her insta, Greyana shared an Ao3 comment someone left today on her story reading “Soo.. did you just download Blood and Gold & Altered State, put it into AI and come up with this bullshit? What the actual fuck.”

quick PSA that imho leaving hateful comments on Greyana’s work is not a great idea at all and imho further victimizes her and her mentality while this all gets sorted out.

the best thing we can discuss is share the Google document (truth) and the facts of what Greyana has done to mods of Reddit/Discord/Facebook to disallow what she’s done in Fandom spaces.

There will be people who inevitably like her work still. There are a lot of examples of people engaging with authors work even when authors are not good/doing bad things. there’s people who buy Addison Cain (a romance novelist who has immersed herself in lawsuits trying to lay claim to A/B/O), there’s people who loveeee Fourth Wing despite Rebecca Yarros’s Mormon mommy blog which is full of very interesting opinions. And, in our own fandom, many HP fans still purchase JKR’s works even with her anti trans activism. Plus all that’s coming out about Neil Gaiman! (To be clear these aren’t equivocal of Greyana, but pointing out many authors have a long and problematic history and we can and should discuss their bad behavior openly in the right spaces without harassing them personally and leaving cruel comments)

ObsidianPen doesn’t make money off of her amazing work and Greyana doesn’t either (right?). Don’t spread hate to our authors, spread facts in our community spaces.

Personally, I didn’t like Greyana’s story for style reasons. And this was long before I had learned of the discourse around her, but I’m not going to comment hateful things to her on her Ao3, her FB, her Insta, because that empowers her.

The best thing we can do is let the facts speak loud and proud in our communities, and let Grey fade into obscurity with whatever fans are loyal enough to remain. Or maybe change, which I think someone else here mentioned earlier. Although who the fuck knows lmao

tldr: as we have discourse, we can call out bad behavior in the right spaces but as a fandom, it’s best to avoid harassing Greyana

do with this what you will Pen, I respect the daylights out of you, and your work and contribution to the community. I will not be offended if you disagree, and if you disagree vehemently, this is your damn tumblr and you do as you please 👏

going to share this one because I completely agree with you (don’t talk to me about Neil gaiman rn I can’t, and I wasn’t even a huge fan to begin with but it still hurts!). This feels like a great post to leave this whole thing on, so I’ll respond and then I am, yet again, done with the Greyana shit (lord I hope, it’s so tiring.)

I don’t give a single shit what she posts on her Instagram stories or whatever tf (typing that sentence made me physically cringe; have I ever said anything more embarrassing? Surely not) and I will not be seeking it out (I cringed again). She knows where to find me if she wants to chat! ;) And I agree, I don’t think anyone should be sending her hateful comments. I also agree that we should stick to sharing her documented toxic behavior when appropriate, and that’s it. There will of course be people who still like her fics, as you said, and that’s their choice! I would have never batted an eye about her myself (I didn’t even know who she was until the whole AI thing was sent to me) if I hadnt sort of suddenly had many stories shared with me from many different people about their experiences being attacked and harassed (including myself, I learned!). It’s hard to not respond emotionally when you see such god awful behavior. But we shouldn’t.

I’m not going to respond to the rest of the asks I have in my inbox about this topic (for now, and hopefully forever, faaaaaahck I hate this), but know that I’ve seen them and appreciate them. I’m glad speaking up helped as many as it did. 💖💖💖💖

[starrylayle]

Marauders Fandom > "There is no canon !!" and other rhetorics

Guess who's back in their marauders phase after 2-3 years of being dormant lmao?? ((spoiler its me lol)). Anyways, a lot has changed since 2021 in this fandom so I just wanted to talk about the direction i think it's going.

I remember in 2020-21 the fandom started to boom in popularity on tiktok --> esp with the rise wolfstar + atyd. I remember people were so suprised with remus' characterization as 'rougher around the edges' instead of the 'soft boi' thing, and how that influenced the new wolfstar dynamic. [Just want to add that the atyd characterisation is much more complex than this and its one of my fave fics --> I'm more talking about the fandom at large's reaction to this)

And since fandom is incapable of having two nuanced and characters who are not stark opposites,, their roles were basically reversed and now Remus is the toxic dom alpha male and sirius is the cute girlyboy twink --- which um,,, the oc-ification is so real its embarrassing but whatever (omg don't even get me started on jegulus 💀)). I just assumed these would stay as headcanons. But now we have people saying, that 'we barely know anything abt the marauders in canon' or 'isn't the whole point of fandom to make shit up?' which i have sO many issues with so let me just try and compile my thoughts into dot points for the sake of coherency.

'we barely know anything abt the marauders in canon' ---> First of all, Remus, Sirius and Severus are fully fleshed out characters in the og series -- why do you think people would care enough to create an entire fandom based on their backstories if they were 2d flat characters in canon?? Like bffr. I saw a post on here (forgot who it was by, let me know if u know!) that said, 'I didn't cry over sirius' death in OotP just for ppl to say that we know nothing abt him in canon'. Like, its just mind-boggling to me lol.

'isn't the whole point of fandom to make shit up?' --> Ok y'all. For a fandom to work, there have to be some guidelines, some kind of source material, some point of reference so people can build upon it and make content. I think we can all agree on that. One reason why HP is such a popular place for fandom is the world-building and potential plots/storylines. I see some people argue that jk rowling was a shit writer anyways so might as well contradict everything she says. Now, I don't disagree with that point in particular, Jo is a pretty mediocre writer and a terrible person. HOWEVERrr, I'd argue that it is a lot more fascinating when people expand or work on the concepts in HP. JK Rowling has a lot of great ideas but executes them terribly -- I love when fic writes do this, which prolly explain why I love atyd as it is still very much canon compliant but executes themes on class, disability and queerness that jkr could barely do in subtext. This doesn''t mean I only think canon compliant fics are valid. That's not the case! I think as long as the charcterization is consistent to the character and the particular circumstances/world they're in, its fine! In fact, I love seeing how the same character would function if in a different place! I also love seeing explorations of the magic and magic systems in aus or fix it fics (or even canon compliant ones) that still fit in with the canonnical system that we know.

I guess what I'm trying to say I wish the marauders fandom explored the world and charcterizations more deeply instead of creating shallow oc-fied version of the characters that fit into whatever's trending -- like just write your own book or smth lol -- booktok will eat it up i promise.

Also, kinda related kinda not but um,,, why are we romanticising fascists -- like babe no evan rosier is not your babygirl he canonnoically tortured multiple ppl and became a death eater soo... not saying that I wouldn't want an exploration of his character or even a relationship with barty -- (who's not some cool dairk-haired edgelord but a actually a cowardly fascist murderer with blond hair -- yes the blond hair is important) -- I'd just want them to be portrayed as the not morally good people they are. Like,, if u want to oc-ify a character like pick someone whos not a death eater or has little info on them like dirk cresswell or frank longbottom,,, or ya know,, one of the MANY female characters in the fandom ((This fandom also has a problem with women and sapphic ships in general but that's a whole other issue lol).

I know this 'babygirlification' of death eaters doesn't mean to do this, but it also ends up watering down the themes of oppression, bigotry, etc and leaves us with not nearly as complex characters. Also one of the issues I had with the og HP world is that JK will introduce concepts like wizard racism and slavery and then just like,, not really do anything about it or just have half-arsed redemption arcs whilst not ever actually exploring the root of the issue. And now i feel like the fandom is following in those footsteps unfortunately.

Anyways, i've been rambling for too long so I'll just leave it here. Sorry if this came off as mean spirited in anyway,, I just have a lot of thoughts™ and my family is sick of hearing them lol. These opinions are not set in stone however so I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject! At the end of the day this is fandom and we're supposed to have fun -- so yeah !! thanks for reading if you made it this far!